#but it’s sure fucking implied
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the duffers better make mike an absolute menace this season. both with the most brutal sarcasm you’ve ever seen and with the fact that he will just NOT LEAVE WILL ALONE. like dude has almost lost him too many times and now he’s in danger again and mike won’t leave his side and it’s driving everyone crazy
#give me a monologue like the one where he says he loves el in st3#he doesn’t nessecarily say he’s in love with will#but it’s sure fucking implied#and give me some people connecting the dots#stranger things#byler#mike wheeler#will byers#mike wheeler is gay
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I’ve been losing my mind over these guys recently
#transformers#humanformers#decepticons#Starscream#skywarp#thundercracker#Soundwave#shockwave#wavewave#seekers#a lot of these are unfinished cause my iPad started overheating 😭#idk how actual pilot uniforms are supposed to look- tbh I just worked off one ref image + some from top gun#I don’t really want it the fits to look too similar to any existing uniforms cause I’m not trying to imply anything#anyway- thundercracker has honestly turned out to be my potential favorite??#I’m not sure yet cause I basically love all the main decepticons but fr it might be thundercracker#but it’s okay- I don’t HAVE to pick one fave I suppose#ughhh transformers has been such a nice change of pace from mk cause what is even going on over there??#I’m only excited for the t1000 and I’ve been DYING waiting for him to be playable#terminator 2 honestly in my top 10 movies and t1000 in top ten villains tbh#Robert Patrick did such a phenomenal job it just hasn’t been topped#but yeah wtf is even going on in mk?? like who the flying fuck asked for Conan??#but anyway I should probably actually draw either prime or tf one#I just love g1 so much plus the designs are literal squares it’s so much easier 😭#I’m also just attached to who whimsical it is? such simpler times#I think transformers tries to hard to be dark and brooding sometimes#which is my main criticism for how Optimus is in prime but that’s a whole nother conversation#I will say though prime did a good job of converting the dark bayverse designs#and making them fun an appealing to look at#doodle#my art
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breaking the sign in two by how hard im tapping it
#im putting the word queerbait in a very tall box on a very tall shelf and none of you get it back until you actually learn the definition#sjonnies edits#queerbait#queer media#queer#queer issues#there are real queerbaits! a lot of them! but i am SO sick and tired of everything that's not explicitly stated be called queerbait#or when the focus in an action movie is not the full romance#would the hero and the girl have kissed in a straight action movie? sure. but even now more often than not that doesn't happen or the focus#is different entirely#the world doesn't change overnight. but you know what helps changing it? watching the media that's implying it! NORMALISING THAT MEDIA!#showing the studios that it isn't popularity suicide. encouraging actors to diversify and give them the respect they need without turning#every conversation an actor playing a queer character into what their sexuality is!#venom#deadpool and wolverine#loki#911#<- which. btw. fucking INSANE thing to say#also queer characters CANNOT be used for queerbait#QUEER CHARACTERS CANNOT BE USED FOR QUEERBAIT#they can be buried! but they CANNOT be used for queerbait because they. are. queer.
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Merry Xmas
My (second) favorite part cpau for christmas
Reaper belongs to renrink
Geno belongs to loverofpiggies
#xullianart#cpau#cpau redraw#utmv#reaper sans#geno sans#do i tag afterdeath??? i was never sure if it was implied or not but i dont think so#OH WAIT NEVERMIND yeah okay#afterdeath#geno x reaper#i love them so so SO FUCKING MUCH
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his cutie mark :(
#I like to think bai longma has a cutie mark but it’s just a picture of a horse#you were born for this horse boy#I finally have the time to draw but then I get fucking ARTBLOCKED#I’m not gonna say that cutie mark bai long ma cured my artblock but it sure got me to draw SOMETHING#horse with a horse cutie mark is just the equivalent of people with portrait tattoos#but it’s of himself#they’re taking a bath okay I know every one of those pilgrims STINK#yes including Tripitaka but the rest of the group is just sooo much more pungent that it’s just attributed to them when they’re in a group#headcanons 🩵#digital art#my art#journey to the west#jttw#jttw fanart#bai longma#jttw sun wukong#jttw bajie#sha wujing#this implies that guanyin is an mlp fan#pegasister guanyin#I don’t even watch mlp yall
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WARDI WRITTEN LANGUAGE (BASICS).
Couya's full name (properly 'Haidamane Couya') written formally and with common handwriting conventions.
The Wardi written language derives from earlier proto-language systems consisting exclusively of logograms without direct phonetic meaning or grammatical structure. These symbols gradually became simplified and abstracted to the point of many having little intrinsic clarity, and combined to communicate abstract concepts.
The development of a full written language did not occur independently (as very few written languages do), and its phonetic elements (namely its use of syllabograms) were largely derived the 'ancient' Burri writing system, gradually synthesized with native writing conventions, and in the contemporary forms a wholly distinct system. The language's Relatively universalized form is a very recent phenomena, developing within the past two centuries with the region's conquering/unification into a single entity.
The contemporary written language is a mixture of logograms and syllabograms. It is read from right to left and arranged in horizontal columns. The most formal variant of this system contains each character within a square outline, usually separated by a small space. This outline confers little phonetic or symbolic information beyond making distinction between syllables exceptionally clear, and can be (and often is) omitted in handwriting. The separation of words is conveyed through a narrow rectangle or line in formal contexts, and again often omitted in handwriting (instead indicated instead by a wider blank space).
The pure logograms that have been retained in this writing system tend to be those of very common words or specific concepts (most logogram characters for types of livestock, key crops, water, major body parts, etc are widely recognized and in common use). There has not yet been any attempts to fully 'formalize' the language and omit potentially unnecessary logograms, and they remain frequently used as shorthand while conveying the same semantic information.
Many of the syllabogram characters are directly derived from logograms that depicted monosyllabic words. For example, the spoken word 'gan' means 'cow', and the character for the syllable 'gan' is identical to the common logogram for 'cow'.
The name Gantoche (literally "cow-eye") could be written either fully with syllabograms as:
or through logograms as:
Both ultimately communicate the same meaning, but the former clarifies pronunciation (the words gan and atoche are contracted, it's gantoche and not gan-atoche).
It is a relatively easy written language to learn, as the pure syllabogram characters indicate their own pronunciation with little ambiguity and often have consistency to their construction (ie the character for the syllable 'man' contains most of the same elements as that for the syllable 'wan'- the dot placement in particular has indication of the vowel sounds).
The inclusion of logograms in general and many of the syllabic characters being directly imported From logograms complicates matters. These characters lack visual consistency, and can be confusing to the large swath of the public who know common logograms but not the full written language itself. Ie: the word 'ungande' meaning 'liver' will be composed of logogram-derived syllable characters for 'un' (which alone means 'hand') and 'gan' (which alone means 'cow'). Someone who is only semi-literate in common logograms may be confused at the meaning, especially since these same exact same characters may be used elsewhere on their own to indicate 'hand' or 'cow'.
One major exception to this tendency is that current religious doctrine requires established logogram characters describing God to be used in place of syllabic characters. The word for god is 'Od', and has its own unique character (as do each of the Faces, the capital F 'Face', and Its deified pronoun). The syllable 'od' [oʊd] is very common in the Wardi language, and a wholly separate character is used for the phonetic sound when it is not a reference to the deity (ie 'lion' (odo [oʊdoʊ]) does not contain the same character for God in spite of its first syllable having the exact same pronunciation). Names are a bit of a gray area (ie: the name 'Odabi' is very common and carries the meaning of 'gift/blessing from God'). Religious leadership is currently experiencing a mild schism on whether the written character for God is separated due to being wholly sacrosanct (and thus inappropriate to include in the written form of a personal name) or as more of a functional delineation of the sacred and mundane.
#Not 100% sure I'm using the ipa phonetic alphabet correctly but. I tried. Also typoed 'left to right' for direction for a hot minute there#Definitely chose a bit of a pain in the ass language system since there's going to be like a couple hundred possible characters (not#counting logograms) but could be worse. Also it has less total consonant sounds than english does like no V or Z and I don't#Think I've had anything with θ ð ʃ or ʒ. It does have the 'ts' sound as in 'tsetse' which I don;t think exists in english and#there's also some dental clicks. But the latter is mostly used as a filler sound or to emphasize certain words and doesn't convey#any linguistic information beyond that#I don't really intend to make this fully fleshed out I just want to be able to depict writing and have it actually mean something#Also mostly unrelated but I just found out I've been fucking up when I've referred to 'rolled Rs' in the Highlands/North Wardi dialects#The sound is a alveolar tap in most words rather than an alveolar trill (which is what 'rolled Rs' generally implies I think???)#Like I had been PRONOUNCING it all correctly at least but referring to it wrong. Brakul's name has an alveolar tap on the R#As do most of the R sounds with some exceptions#The only alveolar trill sounds in these languages typically occur with adjacent syllables that end and start with an R. Like the#name 'Korrigh' would have an alveolar trill
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Iblis is so back guys
Inspired by one of the memes on this post!
#how the fuck does Elise's dress work#knuckles spoilers#btw!!!!#knuckles the echidna#knuckles series#knuckles show#princess elise#kinda#iblis sonic#my art#so the knuckles series sure was something#I truly never thought Iblis would be brought back via low budget rock opera puppet#or that it would be sealed in Knuckles this time around???#like that is what happened right#this implies Mephiles exists in the movie universe too though right?#because he and Iblis are two halves of Solaris#iirc#why would they bring back Iblis and not mention Silver btw this is so unfair /lhj#if they bring Silver in to beat the hell out of Knuckles for having Iblis trapped in him that would be funny I think#a pipe dream perhaps#also sorry about not posting as much I keep forgetting Tumblr exists#okay thats it
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ive never seen an episode of house in my life but the second i saw the og image the only thing i could think about was them and it wouldnt leave me alone until i drew it. cluster au by @loop-lover-central
og image + individual siffrins + loop under the cut bc i was happy with how they turned out
#isat#in stars and time#isat loop#isat siffrin#sifloop#I Guess. sure yeah it can count#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#implied? but still#my art#obsessed w this au its so fucking funny. its such a mess
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Okay so I have a lot of thoughts about the whole thing of the Gerudo being a race of entirely women, with the only exception being one man born every hundred years, and that man automatically being their king. Now this worldbuilding comes from Ocarina of Time, and there's obviously a metric fuckton of unfortunate implications there, because it was 1998. And it seems that Tears of the Kingdom is sticking with the lore of Gerudo men being extremely rare and becoming the King of their people, which once again has a metric fuckton of unfortunate implications because it's 2023 and Nintendo has somehow gotten even worse about this shit.
But let's set aside the whole... everything, and look at this from just the in-universe perspective. How does it work? I mean, it's pretty clear that there is no overlap between the kings; the old ones are normally long gone by the time a new one is born, but the Gerudo manage to take care of themselves during the hangtime. So they must have an established system of government and leadership that doesn't involve a king, and somehow that system is set up in a way that does a smooth transfer of power once a new king is born and old enough to take the throne. But why bother always declaring a random guy to be your King when you already have a perfectly functional system in place?
I mean again, the whole thing has a lot of sexist implications, but we're not looking at this from a real world context, we're examining it in-universe. And we could just go the lazy route and say that their king is in charge just because he's the only man, but I don't like that. I mean come on, the Gerudo are a race of entirely women, and most of their outside problems come from Hylian men being creepy about it. They are entirely a matriarchy; there is literally no reason for their culture to have an inherent respect for men, even if the man in question is one of them. And they're desert people; they live in an extremely harsh and dangerous landscape, if they don't have their shit together, they will die. By sheer necessity, their culture needs to put a lot of value in being practical, because if they're stupid about things, people die. They really can't afford to have a shitty leader take over, and just letting some guy take the wheel doesn't really fit with the way their culture must otherwise work.
So again, why the fuck do they bother having a King?
I think it's mainly just a ceremonial position. Yes, if the guy is a good leader he'll be in charge, but if he isn't good at being a King or isn't interested in the job... fuck it, they've already got a functional government system that's been leading their people the whole time, why fix what isn't broken? The title of Gerudo King isn't about leadership or power. I think it's more about belonging. Because the Gerudo are a culture where every single one of them can be defined in the same way... and there is exactly one exception once a century. Men are considered to be inherently outsiders at the best of times, and more often they're enemies. A man born into this culture is a natural outsider; he is completely unique, and that means he doesn't really fit into his community. And well... when someone is fundamentally different from the rest of their community, they tend to be ostracized.
So I think that's why the position of Gerudo King exists. It isn't about them needing or even wanting a man to lead them. The title of King doesn't need to involve any leadership at all. It's about giving the man born every century a place in their society. It's a way of saying yes, you are one of us, you are a Gerudo, you belong here, you are wanted and you are loved.
The Gerudo know that every hundred years, one of their children will be fundamentally different from all of his peers. And so their society is built to ensure that a child who is completely different from them will still be loved and accepted. He will always have a place in their society. He doesn't need to earn their love, he has it just for existing. These are his people.
The title of Gerudo King isn't an inherent position of authority. It's a promise of acceptance.
#legend of zelda#ganondorf#tears of the kingdom#gerudo#look i have so many thoughts about how their society works#and for the record i really hate the implied bioessentialist gender stuff#but this is my headcanon on the whole gerudo king thing#if their king wants authority he still needs to earn it like everyone else#but they make sure he always has a place among his people#look growing up Different from your peers is a fucking nightmare#as any neurodivergent/disabled/queer kid can attest#i like the idea of gerudo society being structured around ensuring all their children felt like they belonged there#and having a system ready to go for the one kid they KNOW will be the most different
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Better question. Have you heard about these characters Cosmo and tails? [i enter the room and just start shooting you]
[I fully embrace this] Oh thank god yes please kill me
Hate these two. Least favourite qpr ever I dont even think about them daily.
#its been like#a month#i’m still not over the fucking. like. i forgot what episode it was#THE episode or whatever yeah sure#i never think about these two like why would i even. do that. implied romantic relationship but they still call each other friends.#even at the very end. why would i even care. yk????????????#also this is the first sth art i’m posting isnt it. how is that possible.#actually i dont mind at all they deserve it#cable doodls#sth#sonic x#cosmo the seedrian#tails the fox#miles tails prower#tails x cosmo#sigh. i miss them. daily.#anon ask#asks
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rare instance of me being actually really happy with a design
actually gonna word vomit about it;
this came to me the mili, picosecond ive finished colouring the third redesigns which is now completely out of a date of ever seeing the sun so have fun mulling over that lol .
anyways so basically, ive discovered this technique of limiting to 3 or 2 themes for each character, to which i built apon with an overall theme for the whole media and have it paired up with the characters individual theme. ive decides to try for a more flexible or abstract dressing theme for tam, being duality since yknow her hybrid species/transitioning species kinda thing (in hindsight it shouldve been asymmetry but whatevs), the rest was roadsigns and scout.
originally it was going to be a flower, then it was going to be melded skulls and roses but just decided on a skull, the back of her head was a weak resemblance of this broken solar panel thing ? still dont know, but it was cool; this was supposed to be an attempt at symbolism of her trying to weaponise her unique kind of loneliness, being a hybrid and having unconventional origins in the sense of her childhood and the abyssals, trying to replicate a dishonering danger with the horns coming out as well, stabbing away any approachers. the weird cut snout with teeth was supposed to be the top half of a mouth but i thought it would be funnier if it was more a collector showcase base for her weird teeth collection fixation, all from the underground visits john used to take her with when she wasnt older and sicker, a rare interlude of her bleak-less worldview and dull colours.
the spikes on the skull is actually sharpened loose metal from railings, poles, machines, etc, and she uses to have more but she snapped them off when the gun jammed. its meant to be a transition from the skull to the metal plate and was meant to replicate the more grandiose version in my head.
idk if i ever properly explained the diamond earing on her left side but its an earing that john will be shown wearing and he decided to give to her as part of his family, but due to her massive fears of her ears being ripped off with it or with anything (headcanons will be supplied, soon enough), she decided to add it to her hat, which is funny because i was going to pierce her with chains but it wouldve been a) too heavy and b) reminded me too much of this guy in secondary school math class who publicly announced his thought of putting a pencil between a earring hoop, so. (sorry)
also the necklace is a variation of johns that she tried to replicate in her own style, idk if that was obvious but john is her biggest reason of and for life.
what else, uhh the yellow tape around is meant to diverage anyones attention from her face or her in general, yknow, 'look down, look away' likes shes shy guy or smthin. its her anxieties, her self-consciousness she tries to comfort with a shield of fear projected onto others, its also a self-poke like 'this girl right here is a CRIME SCENE!!!'
the weird thing over her shirt is supposed to be a ripped version of the shirt she used to wear in earlier versions, a sign of shifting unrecognisablility, breaking out yet still clinging onto the puzzle pieces for a cocoon that kept you safe in the first place. she knows shes tam, not traviler, but something in her wants tomorrow to be the day the hat is over her eyes and the trench coat is the amber touch of anyone she loved. its a drastic, dramatic life change that cant magically happen overnight, shes 22, but theres always a lingering, loose ended however.
uhmmm, she has many belts that i wanted to make into a loose replica of rock climbing belts because i think she really really really really rwalyh REALLY likes climbing up and away but i thought it would be funnier (common pattern realised) if she didnt know that rock climbing is a real profession or that she'd always would do it too tight or loose so she just gave up.
the saws came as an afterthought from this pin and i was like "whaf if she wash bug" but then i realised if i added in another theme i would have to restart and it would be over complicated AGAIN so i just did it with saws because she nearly got her head cut off by a saw and also like a little nod to her HORRENDOUS sitting positions like she would never sit straight, its either upside down, down on the side, manspreading like its a dentist appointment or 6-2 legs on the floor its quite queer of her.
elsewhere, uhhhhh, one of her makeshift shoulder pads was supposed to resemble the wings of an animal like how i originally drew her necklace but like, i kept on forgetting and kept trying something else until i just replicated the other one with less details, nothing smart i just thought it would fit her (no melted keys, she doesnt like stabbing herself anymore)
anything else...........she has a fang........ uhhh....she ripped off the oversleeves as a get back from the guy who took played with a chain on her hat while she was half awake or smthin idk still hasnt fleshed it out properly........ she is the worlds renowned owner of the most split ends (and she will finger brush through all of the knots with pride god damnit).........uhhhshe doesnt looking at mirrors.......ive made a fanfic about that....i may have realised i have a weird sense of aesthetic attraction to her.....this is a repost cuz i didnt like how little it was but now i have ensnared myself in only 2 doodles per canvas.......i am very irresponsible about my storage space but what else is new....... tam appeared right before me in my dreams................ i have taken 20 screenshots of the updated lore document of the transcribed conco between her john........ yeah thats it
theres probs more ive missed or havent come up with but thats enough words for today,
if you actually soaked in everything ive read um thanks, watch this be outdated within 3 days or hideaway makes me hide away all of my headcanons that has been conjured since december.
k byeeee
#idk guys i dont think i like tam that much#i swear i draw other characters and things please dont lock me up and brain wash out the possibility of a key#tam thatmen guys thamyhatam tamghayndbdbçbncnsnzndnns#format please dont fuck ulp i will break my tablet in half#i was going to include others but for some reason my brajn says post thus NOWNOWNOWNOW#i know that because i cant seem to find it in me to draw tam#dallas and johns designs are almost done i just need to make sure dallas isnt too plaina nd i need to wait for the pol#the poll to finish assuminb if havent ripped off my fingers by then#yaaayyyyyy i love tambthatmen :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))#mta[rt]fix#sepbox#incredibox#incredibox mod#cw: eyestrain#implied blood#forgot about that sorry
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i was rewatching some of spokes uu videos
#i know for a fact uu!squiddo is one of the few people to actually have the balls to yell at him#(which spekaing of- why tf is it canon that zam and clown are castrated what was that plot point hello 😭😭)#a ways back to squiddo- thank you#put him in has godamn place who the fuck do you think you are ashswag >:o /j#unstable universe#unstableverse#unstable smp#lsshipping#(i'm sorry for tagging the ls server but im not sure if there's a uu shipping tag tbh and i want to be careful)#it's more implied anyway#read it as you want#squiddo fanart#ashswag fanart
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revisiting crassus, clodius, and the bona dea scandal! but this time with a new composition and a limited color palette
originally when I drew the first version of this idea, it was back when I thought that crassus would be a week long fixation at most (lmao), and instead he just. took up permanent residence in my mind. it seemed like a fun thing to go back to an earlier idea and see what changed now that I've spent a lot more time with everyone involved in this era!
also the way these two interlocked politically. I am. biting into it.
The Defeat of Rome: Crassus, Carrhae and the Invasion of the East, Gareth C. Sampson
Crassus: the First Tycoon, Peter Stothard
Crassus: A Political Biography, B. A. Marshall
Crassus, Clodius, and Curio in the Year 59 B.C., Robert J Rowland, Jr.
bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost
#for example. i even know who catulus and caelius are now. i did Not know who the fuck they were when i drew the original one#now im like. wow. those sure were some allegations. goddamn#i forgot that ive drawn crassus and clodius fucking before. i'll revisit that someday. ANYWAY. time for some organizational tags#marcus licinius crassus#publius clodius pulcher#roman republic tag#do i. have a tag for the bona dea scandal. i should#drawing tag#ALSO the first tycoon book. it's not a good reference point. i disagree with uhhh like a good third of it. BUT it is an EXTREMELY sexy#read. i would love an HBO show using this book as a point of inspiration. im not kidding. id watch it so fast#i was reading something that implied clodius role in the bona dea scandal was actually partially crassus' machinations#to undermine both caesar AND pompey. and once i finish digesting THAT thought. i will. draw a comic probably
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sudden yearning for time travelling teen jiang fengmian lands at lotus pier fic that winds up being about a perfectly nice kid having a varying series of "oh no. i don't like that. that's a lot" reactions.
#i think in order for this to be satisfying i have to give grace and interiority to teenmian#i'm picturing an older teen like 18ish? maybe even early 20s?#big crush on csr he's already pretty sure isn't going to work out#but at least he'll always have wei-xiong#anyway this is my ploy to give jfm a chance at an ugly crying meltdown#he's trying so hard to be even keeled and like#maybe take this as an evil vision designed to teach him something#but somewhere in between my crush stole my man and then they died#my whole sect burned#my grown ass son who is older than me making the vibe sooooo weird#and my grandson! child of my dead???? daughter??????#is just like yeah he never talks about you. no never never#and then wwx blows into town and idk somehow they all end up at dinner together and jfm politely calls lqr a punk ass bitch in front of lwj#because what???? context clues suggest lqr has the fucking nerve to not like wei xiong's baby after All That#only for adult son with the weird vibes#to imply only filial piety is keeping him from naming the real#punk ass bitch#anyway this ends with jfm crying because clearly he marries yuanyuan and she HATES HIM and then his own son ALSO HATES HIM#and would rather stupid Lan-er-gongzi#be his dad.#if you like lqr so much why don't you just join the lan sect then?????#and that's how jc learns he didn't get it all from his mama#jc didn't mean it he was stressed! this isn't his dad it's an a-ling sized kid. but it's still stressful
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I'll probably be attacked for this lol but honestly at this point, I wish jaydick would become canon. Way more preferable to dickbabs and... honestly any other Dick ship (or maybe I'm just REALLY picky).
I mean... it's practically canon in Gotham Knights already. Why not go for making it canon in the comics too LOL
#nightmare speaks#jaydick#dickjay#dick grayson#jason todd#dc#dc comics#batcest#so people don't have to see this#its just... way more interesting#and RHATO v2 annual 1 pretty much implied they're crushing on each other LMAO#i doubt it'd ever become canon bc of DC pushing the nuclear family thing#Gotham Knights did it right#seriously it was HEAVILY implied they fucked pre-game#what was that about Hogans Alley 🤨#anyone saying they act like brothers in that game are borderline delusional#they flirt the entire time#but sure yeah brothers fhchvyh
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"I don't care how much you hate me - you need to eat!"
DickTim during Bruce's Lost In Time phase but with Dick stopping Tim from leaving💕
send a quote and a ship and I'll write a short fic!
fucked up DickTim during Bruce's lost in time era my beloved. this is 2k of *very* dead dove DickTim, with one-sided feelings from Dick and unreliable narrator vibes. it is a smidge OOC, just bc of how dark Dick gets, but i think i kept it best i could. enjoy <3
It wasn’t supposed to go this far.
Dick thought he was doing this to honor Bruce. The last thing Bruce would’ve wanted was to see Tim drive himself over the edge and go too far, all for a fruitless chase to bring Bruce back from the dead. And sure, maybe deep down Dick knew he reflected some of Bruce’s worst traits. The obsessive control. The worrying to the point of being overbearing.
It came with the capes and spandex territory. Especially now that Dick had decided to man up and put on that damned cowl.
But even at Bruce’s worst, Dick was pretty sure he wouldn’t dare go this far.
Dick knew it was wrong. What he didn’t know was why he couldn’t stop himself. Why the gnawing guilt was so easy to compartmentalize and why every good point Tim had got ignored by Dick’s logical side, brushed off by one simple mantra.
He was doing this for Tim’s own good.
All of this was to protect Tim from doing something he would regret.
Dick had done brain scans, had Tim magically checked up, and even managed to get him to properly talk to a psychiatrist. Everything came back normal. Tim was perfectly healthy.
So maybe this was something that had always been a part of Tim. Maybe it was a bad idea for any of them to have let Tim into the vigilante world so young.
Some people could handle it. Some people couldn’t. Dick had seen firsthand how it broke minds and ruined lives. He’d seen people turn to drugs, cults, murder, and god knew what else just to try to cope with it.
That didn’t make Tim weak. Tim Drake was the furthest thing from weak, and Dick would fight anyone on that.
This was just a hard life to cope with. Sometimes, people needed support through the worst of it.
That’s what Dick was doing.
Giving support.
“I don’t care how much you hate me- you need to eat!” Dick stepped back, dodging Tim’s attempt to kick his feet out. The bowl of salad Dick had set next to Tim was completely ignored.
Dick had learned not to give Tim hot food after Tim flung potato soup at his head the first time, chunks of potato stuck to his hair.
Tim’s scowl was lethal. Technically, he wasn’t restrained. He could move freely around the manor and do whatever he wanted.
It was the shock collar that kept him from leaving the grounds or breaking into the Batcave.
Dick had decided that would be the most humane way. The shock was only momentarily painful, it was designed to knock Tim unconscious if he tried to get somewhere he wasn’t supposed to. The collar had taken three tries before Dick found a lock Tim couldn’t pick, and a few more unfortunate incidents of Tim finding weak spots in the barrier.
But Dick always found Tim and brought him back home.
That was what was important.
The fact Tim kept trying to break out and go to god knew where on some fruitless quest to find a dead man made Dick more secure about this decision.
He was doing this to protect Tim. Once Tim worked through the worst of his grief, all this would be in the past. Something they would laugh at.
Hopefully.
It was like one of Tim’s contingency plans. Really, he of all people should understand.
But he didn’t. Which was what hurt Dick the most, the angry look in Tim’s eyes and the way his fists clenched when Dick came into Tim’s room. Tim had access to the whole manor, but he stuck mostly to his room, refusing to talk to anyone.
Especially Dick.
And now, it seemed, his latest tactic was a hunger strike.
“I’ll let you look over the burglary case we’re working on,” Dick offered. “I’ll bring you all the files and your computer if you just…” he gestured to the salad, “eat something.”
That had worked, in the beginning. Dick could coax good behavior out of Tim by offering to let Tim help with whatever case Dick was facing. It took a load off of Dick’s back and gave Tim something to focus on.
Of course, Dick couldn’t leave Tim’s computer with him. The first time Dick did that, Tim managed to break all of the firewalls and safeties put on it to start a case file about Bruce. Dick had to delete everything and only allow Tim monitored access from that point on.
After that, Tim really didn’t like Dick.
“Can’t you just go back to ignoring me?” Tim snapped. He sounded… resigned. Emotionless in a way he hadn’t been, like all the fight he’d been putting up for weeks was finally going out.
“Ignoring you?” Dick frowned. He felt like he’d been punched in the gut at the words. He kept a wide berth from Tim, wary of more punches being thrown, and decided to sit at Tim’s desk chair, a good few feet from where Tim was on his bed. “What makes you think I’m ignoring you?”
Tim scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You only talk to me to ask if I’ve dropped the Bruce thing yet, or to try to force self-care on me. The rest of the time you ignore me so you don’t have to face your own guilt.”
Dick violently shook his head. “That’s not-” he sighed, running a hand over his face- “I’m just busy, I promise. Between being Batman, managing Bruce’s estate, and trying to handle Damian, I just…” his voice trailed off. So many things to balance. He still didn’t know how Bruce managed it all. “I haven’t made enough time for you. I’m sorry.”
He decided to take on the burden of helping Tim. It was his responsibility and Tim was right, Dick was doing a piss poor job of taking care of him.
No wonder he pushed away Dick’s attempts to reconcile. It must’ve come across as half-assed, in Tim’s eyes.
Dick wished Bruce was here. He would’ve known the right way to handle this.
“Don’t start now,” Tim said icily. He picked up a book from his nightstand and opened it, pointedly not looking at Dick anymore. “Just leave me alone.”
“Will you eat first?” Dick asked. “If you just eat, I’ll go. I promise.”
With a loud sigh, Tim snapped his book shut. He picked up the salad Dick brought and shoveled down mouthfuls, all while glaring at Dick. Once the bowl was empty he set it back down and spread his hands, waiting.
Dick didn’t leave.
He wasn’t going to abandon Tim.
Dick stood up and Tim relaxed for just a moment before he realized Dick was walking toward Tim’s bed instead of the door. Slowly, like he was approaching a wild animal, Dick crept forward. He chose to sit on the foot of the bed, still far enough away from Tim to give him personal space.
“Tim-”
“Out. Now. You promised.”
Dick ran his fingers through his hair. “I know, but-”
“What do you want from me?” Tim almost yelled the words. “Do you want me to just say I don’t believe Bruce is alive? Will you finally leave me alone, then?”
“Can you say it under a truth serum?”
Tim went quiet, grinding his jaw.
“I want you to get better,” Dick sighed.
“What happens when I get better, then?” Tim challenged. He moved to sit cross-legged on the bed. So close to Dick that Dick could reach out and touch him, but emotionally, they were miles apart and it hurt Dick’s chest. “You ‘fix me’-” he put finger quotes around the words- “to your liking, then set me free?”
“Don’t talk about yourself like you’re an animal.” Dick frowned, fist clenching at the idea Tim thought of himself that way.
Tim just stared at him. “Then don’t treat me like one.” He raised a hand and tapped the collar.
It looked like it had new scratch marks on it.
“That’s not what I’m doing,” Dick said. He tried to find the words. It was so hard to explain it when Tim wasn’t listening to him. He wasn’t even given a chance. Dick tried to reach out. For once, Tim didn’t pull away. He was completely rigid under Dick’s touch, though. His hand rested on Tim’s arm, thumb stroking back and forth. “You know I’m doing this because… because I’m worried about you. And I care, Tim.”
“No you don’t,” Tim leaned away from Dick, but didn’t pull his arm free. “Whatever version of me exists in your head-”
“Tim-”
“-isn’t real,” Tim ignored him and kept going. “You won’t even listen to my theory-”
“Tim!” Dick tightened his grip, ignoring the small wince of pain that came out of Tim. “I’m not entertaining that kind of talk.” He tried to be firm but loving with his tone. But even Dick could hear the anger and frustration that was bleeding off of him. “This is practically self harm.”
“I know I’m right,” Tim mumbled. He wouldn’t look at Dick. “Will you just leave, now?”
Against his better judgment, Dick stood up. He had to patrol soon. “I’m sorry. We’ll talk after-”
“I’m going to sleep,” Tim snapped. “No, we won’t.”
Dick tried to throw his hands up in frustration, but he was still holding onto Tim’s arm.
He didn’t want to let go.
He knew Tim was waiting for him to let go, but Dick couldn’t force his fingers to release. He just stared for a moment, breathing hard.
Dick was doing this out of love.
And now, he loved Tim too much to want to let go of him.
Did he have to patrol tonight? He was pretty sure the Birds of Prey were in Gotham.
“Dick,” Tim said carefully, starting to scoot away from him. The apprehension in his voice was unsteady, eyes narrowed. He was always too on edge. “I’m tired. Just go on patrol.”
Instead of letting go, Dick lifted his other hand and held Tim’s face. Tim flinched but stopped inching away. He was completely still, barely even breathing.
He looked afraid of Dick.
Dick’s chest clenched. He wished he could get Tim to understand. Dick leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Tim’s forehead.
He wanted to kiss somewhere else, somewhere a few inches lower and just as unobtainable. That was a feeling Dick buried deep, deep inside of him.
It wasn’t why he was doing this.
A hand pressed against Dick’s chest. Trying to push Dick away, but for just a moment, the pressure and warmth almost made Dick shudder. Tim hadn’t properly trained in a while.
He wasn’t actually strong enough to push Dick off of him. If Dick wanted to, Tim couldn’t have stopped him.
But their relationship was already fractured. It would take a long time of repairing and letting Tim heal before Dick could even try pursuing those feelings.
Tim had once had a childhood crush on Dick, though. So he was pretty sure they could work their way up to it, be something more.
Dick pulled away. He let go of Tim’s arm and allowed himself one stroke of Tim’s hair. It was getting a little long, brushing against Tim’s shoulders.
The entire time, Tim remained perfectly still. But his eyes got wider and wider, the way they always did when he had just figured out a case.
Dick was getting too close. He needed to pull back.
“You still have the spare comm link?” Dick asked.
Tim didn’t answer. He just kept staring with those wide, searching eyes. He looked a little pale. Dick should get him some iron supplements, Tim becoming anemic is the last thing Dick wanted.
“Use it if you need me for anything,” Dick continued. He gave Tim what he hoped was a calming smile. “Get some sleep, Tim. I love you.”
He turned and walked out of Tim’s room. Slowed to crawl at a snail’s pace, hoping for an answer from Tim. He would take any kind of answer.
But Tim kept silent, even as Dick took his time intentionally, slowly closing the door. Dick just sighed, turning down the hall to head down to the Batcave.
Someday, he’d get through to Tim. Dick would find a way.
Someday soon.
#necrotic writings#dicktim#tim drake x dick grayson#batcest#dead dove do not eat#whump#this one got iffy at the end i won't lie#and it's bc a person reached out for a difficult conversation as i was writing this#that. emotionally heavily mirrors this fic lmao#so i was in a very tim position#and i think. it fucked with the fic a bit. oops#but many thanks to my partner for editing it for me.#they helped me keep the unreliable delusional narrator vibes with dick#while hopefully conveying tim's feelings correctly too#bc it is implied that tim realizes dick's feelings in the moment and is horrified#knowign that's the real reason dick is keeping him#and dick just won't acknowledge that#so. it's so fun and messy.#i had a lot of fun with this one <3#slowly but surely#i unbury my askbox hehehe#it's like a sisyphean task but i'm having FUN#if sisyphus was in love with his boulder core.
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