#but it’s not necessarily about lacking human connection really. like i Do Have Friends.

[spark1edog]

i think i may be somewhere on the aplatonic spectrum

[gallusrostromegalus]

I did not care at all for Aizen Sosuke when I first read bleach. I found him boring, and worst, unthreatening.

So it's pretty jarring for me that I have been OBSESSED with him in your AU. I'm rotating him at great speed

Walt Disney was a jackass who was flat-out wrong about a lot of very important things, but he employed a great many geniuses of storytelling, and there's a piece in Disney Animation: The Illusion of Life by Frank Thomas and Ollie Johnson that discusses a key feature of Disney Studios Character Design:

"Of all characters, villains are the most fun to develop because they make everything else happen. They are the instigators, and always more colorful than the Hero. They may be dramatic, awesome, insidious or semi-comic, but they MUST be appealing. Almost any story becomes innocuous if all the evil is eliminated, but we do not necessarily gain strength by being frightening. we want a character that will hold the audience and entertain them, even if it's a Chilling Type of Entertainment."

And I've found that to be an important principle of character design, especially the kind of canon restructuring I do.

Aizen had a LOT going for him in canon- for all of Bleach's other faults, Aizen's conspiracy and THE REVEAL are spectacularly constructed and executed. I legit screamed and threw my mug across my dorm room when I read it in the manga the first time. He's also conventionally attractive and the translations I was reading gave him the speech patterns of Every Douchebag In Your 101 Political Theory Who Thinks He's The Smartest Man In The Room, which made him a terrific combination of Unfortunately Charming, Menacingly Competent and Engagingly Obnoxious.

...But he falls flat in a few key places.

Aizen's reasoning could be MUCH more sympathetic- After all, he is RIGHT. Soul Sciety does suck ass and all the options kind of suck. Who designs a universe like that? An asshole who needs killing, that's who. The best kind of Unhinged Madmen are the kind who spell out their reasoning and you realize that there but for the grace of Not Having Super Powers Go I. Canon!Aizen makes a few Good Rhetorical Points, but seems to lack any personal connection to his all-consuming plan.

Another issue is that nearly every villain with A Plan has a clear end goal AND a lot of the menace is drawn from the fact that the plan *could* work. Aizen's plan for betraying the court guard and then killing them off before proceeding into the Royal Realm to Kill God sorta falls apart when it's clear he planned to use pretty much all his accumulated forces dealing with the court guard and doesn't seem to have a plan for the Even More Powerful Royal Guard, let alone God. For how meticulously planned the rest of the plot is, the last two VERY IMPORTANT steps are just handwaved.

So I sat down and started with the plot beats Aizen MUST hit, and tried to imagine what kind of guy would he have to be to get there? And I came up with this:

Sosuke Aizen is a fundamentally good man with genuinely good intentions who is really trying his best for the whole world.

Think about it- what lengths would you NOT go to if you think you found a genuine shot at Fixing Everything Wrong With The World Forever? We all talk about killing Hitler if we found an actual Time Machine- would you do it if your only chance was when he was a baby? Would you kill an infant if it meant you could stop World War II before it starts? Of course you would! One small life for over 75 million? You'd be insane not to! What if you found out that you could prevent the future extinction of Humanity by killing your best friend today? Ten Billion lives? For theirs? It's simple, really- Hell, it's your Moral Obligation to do that if you were SURE!

-And Aizen IS sure. He is absolutely, totally, completely sure that He Can Save Everyone if he just gets rid of that idiot sitting on the throne of heaven. He's seen the plans! He knows where the gate of heaven is! It's So SIMPLE he just has to get inside, and he knows EXACTLY how to do it, yes it'll be hard and there will be... unpleasant parts but. IT. WILL. WORK.

He is of course, insane.

Aizen didn't have One Bad Day that set him irrevocably on the path of madness. It was a succession of catastrophic disappointments and realizations that he was living in a fundamentally irrational world that made irrational thinking look sane. The Catastrophe that befell his family, working for the central 46 and later the court guard and seeing how the organizations were inept to the point of abuse or corrupt to the core, learning that The Actual House Of God is a place he can just? Go to? Anyone would start thinking you were just a handful of white lies and homicides away from Fixing Everything, Forever.

Not only is Aizen insane, he is nowhere near as smart as he thinks. He is smart- He does have a knack for being able to guess just what will spur someone to action or make them recoil in fear. But mostly he gets extremely lucky Many, Many, MANY times. On some level I think it gives him Confirmation Bias that this is what he's supposed to be doing. Aizen is also nowhere near as smart as (nearly) everyone else thinks he is. His bizarrely good luck makes him look like a hyper-competent genius when really it was really the catastrophic failure of Soul Society as a Society that let a merely mediocre conspirator to evade detection for so long.

Being that he is at most, mediocre, he had to have Outside Help, specifically Gin's emotional support and Tousen's Competence- and if there's a part of the fic that stays true to canon, it's this.

Gin is Aizen's emotional rock in Canon. He's the ONE guy that Aizen genuinely trusts, and considers his 'my only real partner' in his scheme. There's more than one occasion in the manga where Aizen more or less asks Gin "Is this actually a good idea?" and Gin backs him up every time.

...Which is more than a bit at odds with Gin's later stated goal of "I did all this to kill you at your most vulnerable to protect rangiku" . It never rang true to me. So I started thinking why on EARTH Gin would be backing Aizen up like that, and realized there was a hole in my world building that he slotted into nicely :)

On the other hand, the entire fic was started because I didn't like how Tousen's character arc ended, so you can imagine how much he's changed.

But in canon, TOUSEN DOES ALL THE FUCKING WORK.

Lab work? Tousen.

Supervising the arrancar directly? Tousen

Actually getting victims for the Hogyoku experiments? Tousen.

Altering all the archives to keep Aizen's plot hidden? Tousen.

Sending all the Orders allegedly from the central 46? Tousen.

Making sure Unohana believes Aizen's fake body is real? Tousen.

Managing all the day-to-day operations at Las Noches? Tousen.

There's even this little exchange, which is Tousen's first appearance in the Manga:

Aizen establishes this entire meeting is a little fake-out a few pages later with "now isn't that a convenieint time for the alarm to go off?"

which makes him look like he's investigating, but he's also going "Good job on disrupting everyone with the alarm Gin!" It's ballsy of Aizen to do a check-in on his plan with his main nemesis in the room, but also his style.

I think the same thing is happening here with Tousen. To make sure Ukitake wouldn't raise a huge fit about the proposed execution of his beloved lieutenant, which might fuck everything up for Aizen because Ukitake is one of like, three people Yamamoto will listen to (sort of).

...So he had Tousen poison Ukitake to keep him out of the way.

ALL. THE. FUCKING. WORK. It's even in his name! The characters for "Tousen" Refer to a legendary scholar the emperor of China sent out to discover the secret of immortality- only to kill the scholar when he returned with that secret. The character for "Kaname" means "Necessary/Vital/keystone" or "to organize/take account of". His name LITERALLY means "Scholar who is essential for the plan (that we're going to kill later)"

Another thing Kubo did well in Bleach: his name game is Off The Fucking Charts.

-but I digress.

In AEIWAM, it's much the same only this time Aizen sees this very dangerous witness who is immune to his illusions but also extremely snart and capable young man and instead of risking being caught out by the one damn guy who can see right through him, opts to Curse Kaname into doing as Aizen says, and doing all the fucking work of this conspiracy against his will.

It's Not Nice, but Aizen genuinely thinks he's doing Kaname a favor by subjecting him to this degrading and incredibly painful servitude- I mean, Aizen's only other option was to Kill him to keep his silence, and isn't it wonderful that you get to help fix the universe? You're the one always going on about Justice, I don't understand why you didn't jump at the chance to mete out some Divine Justice.

An Excerpt from the captain's meeting in between the Massacre that made the visored and Zaraki's arrival, when Kaname realizes Yamamoto is 100% serious about his promotion to captain of the 9th and goes to throw up in the garden. Aizen offers to go check on him while Unohana very politely reads the general the riot act:

---

"You broke your toy Aizen." Kaname coughs.

"…I really am sorry for running you ragged like this. I really shouldn't have gotten so mad about you hiding the the hogyoku- it was very petty of me." The bastard sighs, taking off his glasses and rubbing his face, entirely genuine.

Kaname stayed on his hands and knees, weaving slightly as another wave of nausea flowed through him, powered by disgust and rage.

"How about this- I've got a lot coming up with the new job, training Gin and disposing of Kiganjo- So how about I promise to not give you any orders for a while? You will have to keep our arrangement a secret and not interfere, of course, but other than that, you're free to do as you please for- a year and a day is traditional isn't it? No, that's not going to heal by then- Oh, would you look at that!"

Kaname didn't have the strength to offer his usual rebuttal that he won't look at anything, ever. The sides of his head tingle like his skul was being pressed between two enormous hands made of static electricity.

"It's 11:11! Alright, I won't give you any Orders until 11:11 am on November 11th, 1911. That's easy to remember! What do you think?" Aizen continued cheerfully, patting his back and the Curse nails.

"…I can't." Kaname groaned. He could scream if he had the energy, but due to Aizen's Illusions, nobody would hear him. "I actually physically can't think. Please…"

"Of course! You really are such a help to me, it would be a shame to lose you. I'll even amend our contract, so you don't get paranoid-" There was a sizzling sound and a new stroke of hot pain up Kaname's spine as Aizen did something to the wretched Bakudo. "There. No compulsions for eleven years and a day. What do you say?"

Kaname grimaced, but dropped his head. Save the energy to fight another day. "…thank you, Aizen-sama."

"Good man! Let's get you on your feet." Aizen beamed, putting his glasses back on and offering him an arm.

---

He genuinely thinks that he's doing everyone a huge favor and if they don't get it it's because they're just not smart enough, but it's alright, He's a Benevolent God and they'll appreciate all his hard work the next time around :)

Aizen is a man who is FULL of joy. He loves what he does! He actively takes pleasure in it! And I think that's something that REALLY delivers in terms of sympathy AND horror for him. Who *Wouldn't* have a great time actually fixing the universe? He's a good man who enjoys doing good works, and this is the greatest work of all!

It also Delivers on the Horror when I get to write the deliciously fun scenes where Aizen is Elbows-deep in a novel War Crime and waxing poetic about how GREAT this is, or being confused why the people around him are reacting with fear. Don't you want to make everything better too?

[cupids-chamber]

MEETING LEONA'S FAMILY, he's never quite enjoyed the idea of you meeting his family, but now you'd finally get to meet your partners family members!.. surely everything will end well...?

GENDER NEUTRAL READER | [ Fluff / Un-edited ]

Sunset Savanna was much more prettier then you had expected, the beautiful and well thought out designs and structures, the many different kinds of beast-men and some humans, living their day to day life despite the wretched heat of the Savanna—You couldn't quite tell why your partner was so against the idea of you coming here for a visit, and meeting his family as well! The palace was much more different—lavish, then you had expected, it was lovely to say the least, the intricate corridors, the beautiful surroundings and location in which the grandiose living quarters were made, it was a palace fit for the Royal family…

You tried your best when greeting his family, Leona was around and though he told you not to be so uptight and more or less formal—"Listen, if ya' stress it, you'll trip and cause a scene, and I don' like it when you're embarrassed and pouty"— You couldn't help but feel the need to maintain some sort of elegant behaviorisms—Maybe it was because you wanted to leave a good first impression, or it could be the fact that you're meeting with the literal King and Queen of Sunset Savanna… It was probably the latter, after all, even if Leona was your partner and even if you did truly lik—love him—Trying to get into someone's families good graces, is much more difficult then it seems.

Not to mention, your partner always seemed.. nervous? You couldn't tell really, but it was easy to read that Leona didn't really prefer or like the idea of you meeting his family.. You are more then well aware of his sour relationship with his brother—Which may or may not be one-sided, but it does provide some ground as to why he'd dislike you visiting so much…. But even if you were nervous, you couldn't help but anticipate the idea of meeting his family..

The moment the door opened, Cheka came jumping—he was quite excited… well not necessarily to see you, but more or less he was excited to see his uncle back at home again…. Though when he noticed you, he quickly pulled you into a hug as well.. It was adorable… but Leona probably didn't feel the same way.

Contradictory to all your expectations, Leona's family was sweet beyond your wildest dreams—They treated you as if you were one of their own, telling you cute and cliché stories about Leona, when he was a child... Scolding him softly when he tried to poke in on the conversations… Wait.. They've heard about you before?.. Well you know Leona's not really the type to open up about how he feels, and what not, he's not one to really discuss about you so openly.. but the fact that he did made you happy beyond imagine.

It felt nice, you wouldn't lie… Ever since coming to Twisted Wonderland—way back.. When you were first transported to Night Raven College, you had to come to terms with the idea that your friends, family, relationships, and connections are basically nonexistent here… and although you've made many wonderful friendships here… You've always lacked a sense of familial love—Sure, your connections with your friends maybe thicker then blood, but it felt nice… Having and feeling that familial love and comfort again.

You're pretty sure Leona had noticed the shift in your mood, the way your smile cracked into a more genuine and happy smile, in the corner of your eye, you could see the small grin plastered onto his lips..

© cupids-chamber, do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or adapt my work/theme without prior permission and or confirmation.

[crypticmillipede]

OK EXTREMELY NICHE CROSSOVER but hear me out !! Stardew Valley Characters x TMA?

(oh yea spoilers for some Magnus Archives concepts/lore? but nothing plot-related)

the 12 Stardew Valley dateable characters as TMA Avatars:

Abigail: Could see either the Vast or the Stranger. The Vast because she adores exploring, asks existential questions, gets lost in things. The Stranger because of her character arc as an odd one out, someone who just doesn’t fit in with the rest of the town, unnatural, an outsider. Also because of her potential connection to the Wizard.

Alex: Likely the Flesh, as a sort of Jared Hopworth situation. He’s always talking about his bodybuilding, it’s pretty Flesh-aligned. I could also see him as the Hunt? His obsession with going pro, reaching his goal, something that never really happens but he’s always chasing. Maybe he begins to hear the blood?

Elliott: The Lonely. Relatively new to town, all isolated on that beach, I bet it gets quite foggy. Or potentially the Eye? I could see his fervor for writing as a thirst for knowledge, in a way?

Emily: The Spiral. Strange, bizarre, cryptic, a manic pixie dream girl (and i mean this with love), she’s gotta be the Spiral. I could also see the stranger, but she has a certain level of approachability that’s more Spiral to me.

Haley: This is tough for me. Maybe the Flesh, as someone concerned with their appearance, but that feels kinda surface-level to me. This is a stretch, but what about a Dark alignment? The way she sort of refuses to intake information sometimes (ignoring you), bores easily, she could be compensating for an insecurity by presenting a certain way? In the dark, she wouldn’t have to worry about any of it. Besides, she does have that Dark Room… (i admit this one doesn’t really fit, does anyone have a better idea? spider maybe? or even corruption?)

Harvey: The whole weight of the town’s expectation’s for their only doctor, his stagnant dreams of piloting, Harvey’s got to be affiliated with the Buried. Possiblyyy the Flesh, simply due to his profession, but the Buried makes far more sense for his character to me.

Leah: Hear me out on this one—the Extinction. She’s got a couple dialogue lines focusing on environmental destruction and humanity as a harmful species, she’s newly moved out of the city and into nature, radically replacing her environment. She’s so isolated in the forest, it might sometimes feel like she’s the only one left. If not, then the Vast, most likely. Or maybe Stranger or Lonely? She’s got options.

Maru: If anyone in this group is Eye-affiliated, it’s got to be Maru. She has this thirst for knowledge, always building, always looking up into the unknown of the cosmos.

Penny: She’s got to be the Lonely to me. How many times has she sat under that tree, picking at the grass and looking out into the river? She’s so isolated, despite being around so many people. If not the Lonely, then certainly the Corruption, with its themes of finally finding endless love and community, a hive who truly understands.

Sam: This is another tricky one to me, but probably the Vast? He’s so easy-going and carefree, for the most part, it fits in quite well with the Vast mentality of ultimate insignificance and the freedom that comes with it.

Sebastian: Although the Lonely is probably the easy answer, I could also see him as the Buried, honestly? Burdened by the weight of all the expectations pressing down on him, by his stagnation in a town he wants nothing to do with, by his lack of freedom and desire for escape. He has friends, close friends! It seems to be more of his general circumstances that haunt him, rather than isolation, necessarily.

Shane: While i know the Web is primarily associated with addiction, I don’t really feel that Shane fits with the Web in any other way? I honestly see him more as affiliated with the Desolation, given his often self-destructive tendencies, and the way he lashes out at others. Shane seems to resort to alcohol as a harmful coping mechanism. Of course, I could also see him as the End, given some of his cut scenes, but the qualities of the End don’t seem to match him as well as the Desolation.

Those are my takes!! Sorry I couldn’t narrow it down more, but there’re so many potentials, it’s hard to choose a single option for each person! These are superrrr subjective and up to interpretation, so I welcome any additional speculations or suggestions !! I kinda wanna know how other people would categorize these guys tbh? anyways yeah sorry about the long post, my brain is rotten. perchance.

[punkshort]

Oh my gosh, all this roommates commentary that I saw pop on my feed made me feel like I wanted to share my thoughts on this. I love having conversations like this - aka moral dilemma's. There are my views as a person who has never cheated on a partner, and I've never been cheated on (that I am aware of... lol). However, sadly I have seen it all too much in social circles or even in my family.

I think you can do something very bad without being a bad person. People are complicated. Usually cheating is deeper than just being impulsive and selfish. It's usually traced back to unresolved issues from someone's past. However, I feel it is rare for the cheater also to be introspective and think about why they are lying and cheating.

I think when I was reading the story, what made it hard for me was that it turned out her and Joel were sneaking around for weeks (or was it even months). It was an ongoing affair. At least for me, I kept thinking 'just end it with Sam' -- I just didn't understand her need to keep that relationship going especially when she wasn't really into Sam. I was happy how in your story after the events of her being caught and etc. this reader went to therapy and all that jazz because I don't think a lot of people do that. She knew what she did was wrong - and I think sometimes my issue with cheaters (especially repeat cheaters), is that they don't try to recognize or confront these behaviors.

The reality is in Sam's life and his circle, reader would probably be perceived as a bad person. In readers life, her circle is going to forgive her and give her a pass because they love her. We're more forgiving of our loved ones compared to strangers, it often comes down to empathy and emotional bonds. When someone we care about makes a mistake, we're more likely to understand their intentions, see their potential for change, and extend grace because of the connection we share with them. With strangers, we lack that personal connection and context, which makes it harder to offer the same level of forgiveness.

For my friends and family that have been cheated on, it's just simply hard for me to be as 'understanding' or 'compassionate' to someone who has hurt someone I care deeply about. They aren't a bad person to me (we are all flawed), but I think it is human nature to struggle with the idea of having no resentment towards someone who has caused pain to someone you love.

I'm just glad reader truly reflected on the "why" behind her actions without necessarily excusing it. I don't read infidelity fics and obviously I'm a fan of yours so that's why I took a chance on Roommates and you did a great job showing that things aren't always black and white.

I could go into a deep download of also Joel having been the "other man" but I'm going to stop myself lol.

Aw Kiwi, thank you for joining in! And thank you for giving Roommates a shot, even with the infidelity trigger.

I agree with you so much - just because you do something bad doesn't mean you're a bad person. People make mistakes and we do our best to grow from them. I think I might have even slipped in a quick couple lines where reader tried reaching out to Sam to apologize, or maybe she ran into him? I can't remember now. So she did try to make amends but like I personally would have done, Sam brushed her off. I mean, as he should. I purposely wrote Sam to be a victim in this story because I thought it would be too easy to write an infidelity fic where the other person was abusive, cheating, mean, etc. (plus I've already done that in STR). I wanted to challenge myself and at the end of the day, nice people get cheated on all the time! It's a fact of life and it sucks.

And I thought it was important to show that reader recognized her destructive behavior, took a step back from everyone and focused on herself before she tried to make things work with Joel. Kind of showing yeah, she knew what she did was wrong, and she tried her best to make up for it.

Personal story: a long time ago I was part of a big group of friends. There were couples in said friend group, of course. One married couple and one engaged couple are the stars of this story, both couples had been together for years. Well the woman in the married couple started an affair with the man from the engaged couple. It blew up, destroyed the group of friends as everyone took sides. Today, that cheating couple is married with like, three kids. Very happy together from what I hear. Do I still dislike them? Hell yes. But they're just out there living their lives. But will I forever see them as the bad guys? 100%. So I totally see what you mean about being biased because Sam's group of friends probably do see reader and Joel as the bad guys (although fortunately no one was engaged or married in my story).

Alright I'll shut up now. Thank you so much for your feedback, I love the conversations that have sparked because of that story. It's such a grey area!!

[rizatouchesthewalls]

🔬📐Turing Love!

turing [toor-ing]

a person skilled in mathematics.

aroace coded reader [but reader does not have to be aroace] nerdy!reader, gn!reader x hobie brown

qpr [queer platonic relationship]

fluff, songfic, one curse word

“Laws of attraction? Why are you asking me that Hobie? You should already know.” You answered, not bothering to look away from the experiment you were doing.

“Y’know, attraction. An I’m not talkin magnets or anything like that.”

You glared. “You just took away my like, easiest example. Not that you don’t already know that opposites attract.” Fixing your jacket, you reached for your safety goggles, only to land on air.

Hobie dangled them over your head. “Attraction! Love, friendship—explain that science eh?”

You jumped for the goggles. “Someone needs a scientific question on why you’re so damn tall!” [if you’re tall then ignore the sentence lmao]

“Plus,” you paused, looking at him. “Love is stupid. It doesn’t even really deserve a science. And don’t go talking about familya-love ‘cause I know you meant romance-love!”

“Haven’t got a scooby doo about romance. Didn’t even mean it romantically. Or, uh, in specifics.”

In quick review, you couldn’t really answer Hobie’s question [seemingly]. It wasn’t necessarily stupid, but over the span of your life you rarely [or never] experienced a crush. At least not the one’s they show on T.V. Relationships like that just lacked appeal. They weren’t right.

“What do you mean not romantically?”

“Well we friends right?

“Yeah… platonic attraction…”

“But we got chemistry.”

“That’s literally romantic.”

Hobie dropped the goggles on your lap. “Nuh uh.”

You turned around in your seat and glared at him. “Then what? Are you trying to say there’s some type of love that transcends the labels of romantic, emotional, platonic, or sexual?!”

“Bingo.”

You had to sleep on this. It didn’t even really make sense, what he said. Don’t get anyone wrong—you weren’t one to act like scientific standards were unchanging. The opposite actually—one truth five minutes ago can change, because human knowledge is constantly changing, and the earth is constantly changing. But where could someone who never falls in love understand love? Maybe Hobie’s just stupid.

Yeah right, he made a whole watch out of scraps.

“I really don’t need my inner conscience questioning me too.”

“So I slept on it and…”

“And…”

You snatched a beaker from the shelf and slammed the door. “What you said doesn’t even make sense. Was it some sort of confession?”

“Mm, sorta.”

“In any other scenario I would’ve rejected you but… It’s you. So this confession isn’t some simple crush confession. It’s something complicated. Like everything else about you.”

Hobie spun around in his chair and smiled. “Yup.”

“Can’t you just go and tell me?” You groaned. “Pleeeeaseee?”

“One, discov’aries don’t come easy.” He handed you a test tube so you could measure. “Two… I don’t really know eitha.”

“Mm…” You muttered. “Then I might as well reject you anyway huh?”

“Will you?”

“Well I wouldn’t exactly be a good scientist if I did right?” You looked back at him. “My career revolves around enhancing life and helping people. And you… need help identifying your feelings.”

“You’re makin me sound’ll mushy n’ stuff.”

“That’s cause y’are.”

Unfortunately, love can’t be solved with a simple equation. Well, yes, the dopamine we get from seeing a loved one is a scientific component—but it needs to go further than that.

“I’m just… not really a fan of all that: you’re so sexy!!! stuff.”

“Me neitha… so… what are we a fan of?”

“A heart to heart dinner at a fancy restaurant is cool in some ways, but not in a romance movie way.”

“True…”

“So what?!”

“Have you ever felt like saying ‘you’re hot’ to one kinda means somethin’ more? Not from anotha person—from yaself—like—‘I feel so connected to you I want to form a life bond because I treasure you deeply?”

“… Actually, yeah.”

So we’ve made a breakthrough! [Sort of.] It has something to do with connection. But how does that connection diverge from other connections? The several experiments shown—touching, kissing, holding—these can all be watered down to preferences. And while you enjoyed these things with Hobie, what made you different than any other romantic or sexual couple?

“It’s a society thing, methinks.”

“Who the hell says methin—nevermind. How so?”

“Well,” Hobie pressed his thumb to his flat four fingers on both hands. “If two kiss,” he made his hands kiss, “then it’s I guess romantic. And ya like that friend. But that’s not all-the-time true.”

“Yeah, but… we’re not exactly friends. And we don’t exactly want to date.”

“Then we sorta gotta create somethin’ new here. Orrr… not label this new relationship at all.”

“We could at least call it something.”

“We could just conform to the norms.” He made a 🫰🏿with his hands. “You’re bae.” [this was said in an american accent.]

“First of all never say that shit again. Second of all… I’ve got a name: Turing Love.”

“Stupid name.”

“No it isn’t!”

Hobie scratched his head. “And even if we did submit this as some sort of ‘Turing Love,’ who says it would be accepted.”

You held his hand and looked at him.

“We’ll just have to prove it.” You smiled.

He laughed a little. “Alright then. Can’t argue with that, can I?”

[You learned a week later that it is in-fact, an identified type of relationship, and it is in-fact, not called Turing Love.]

“I thought your name for it’s better anyway.”

“Shut up.”

[infiniteorangethethird]

Recently found out about loveless people and still kinda looking into it but got some questions, if that’s alright? No pressure at all!! 😅

I assume they vary from person to person on all these an maybe don’t make too much sense but!! Does being loveless mean a lack of desire to have any connection with people? Like not really wanting friends an that jazz. Also is it a lack of care as well? I don’t know if that ties in with empathy or not. Can (or is there any real want to) loveless people still feel deep bonds with others, even if it wouldn’t be really love in any fashion?

Hi, apologies for the wait! I don't mind you asking at all, I actually much prefer people asking questions instead of just assuming things they don't know.

Like you said, these things tend to vary from person to person, so I can really only speak from my own experiences, but I'll try to answer your questions the best I can!

For some people, being loveless can absolutely mean a lack of desire for connections, but it's definitely not the case for everyone in the community. I, for instance, still like to have friends I can connect with - friends I can share my hobbies with, friends I can talk to about blorbo from my shows, friends I can lend a hand to if they need help and friends that can help me if I am in trouble. The only difference (for me at least) is that I don't really desire the other person, so to speak, rather the shared experiences themselves. I still like spending time with people, I just don't care much who the other person is so long as we are having fun.

Since love, at the end of the day, is just one of the many emotions humans are capable of feeling, I do think it's very much possible to form deep bonds with others based on emotions outside of love. To me, for instance, trust is a key factor in friendships (and relationships in general) - I can't be friends with someone I cannot trust, and I definitely feel a close bond with people who I deeply trust. And I do desire to have deep, trusting bonds with people, to have people in my life I know I can share anything with, even if I don't necessarily love the other person.

Of course, there very well could be loveless people out there who specifically call themselves loveless because they cannot form the deep bonds most people would associate with love, and that's still fair, too. It very much depends on the person and how they define love for themselves. ("Not wanting friends at all" probably falls closer to the aplatonic identity, but there's definitely overlap between the two, and again, it depends on the person.)

As for a lack of care, it's... complicated, for me at least. Most loveless people will reject the notion that being loveless also makes you an uncaring asshole, which I do agree with. A common example they bring up is that if you help a stranger you met on the street, you would do it not because you love them, but because you can still care about other people's wellbeing, even without loving them. (I would even say that it's very important to still care for people even when you don't love them.)

However I do think that for me, being loveless affects the way I care about people. From what I can tell most loving people's care tends to be person-centric - I know you, I love you, and I want you specifically to be well and happy. For me it's more about a general drive to help people when I can and to avoid hurting others as best as possible - you are a person, I want you to be well and happy, but I also know you, which means I am better equipped to help you than a random stranger.

I'm fairly sure similar things could be applied to low/no empathy as well. I'm both loveless and have low empathy, so these two are definitely working together to color my experiences, but they are not the same. Whether it's the empathy part that "makes me this way" or the loveless part, I'm not sure.

As I said, experiences can vary among loveless people, and I definitely encourage listening to different people with different experiences if you want to get a fuller picture. (I also encourage my fellow loveless folk to share their experiences in the tags and reblogs!)

Thank you for the question and I hope I could help!

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen,

I hope this finds you well. I’m sixteen and I’m seeking advice. I am mostly feminine, but in the last year I’ve become increasingly uncomfortable with that, which has given me a sense of whiplash. I’ll be perfectly fine wearing a skirt and revealing top one moment, and then feel like I want to jump out of my skin the next. I know it’s normal to not have all the answers at my age, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

I live in a progressive city and was raised in a relatively accepting home, but I still struggle with my identity and have a hard time feeling comfortable with the word “gay.” I’m out to a few friends (some straight and some LGBT), but I still feel so alone. This, of course, makes me feel awful, because I recognize what a privileged situation I am in compared to a lot of lesbians, and I feel as though I “should” be more accepting of myself, i.e. I end up feeling guilty because I feel bad. Plus I’m all jumbled up about masculinity vs feminity… the point is, I could really use some advice from an older lesbian. I don’t know any of those in real life (actually, now that I think about it, I’m not sure that I know *any* lesbians at all in my personal life, which is pretty sad), and that makes it hard to envision any type of future for myself.

Thank you for your thoughts <3

It always makes me sad to read that young lesbians don't know any older ones in real life because I remember how isolating that felt. It was definitely one of the reasons I struggled so hard to be even just neutral about my sexuality and why I misunderstood being butch for so many years.

The butch/femme and masc/feminine discourse has gotten a bit out of control in large part due to the internet and social media. If you don't have real life intergenerational connections it can feel like ALL lesbians are on one side or the other of a very black and white line and that is just not the reality of real life.

I would say the majority of lesbians are "garden variety" or in the "comfy" zone of neither butch nor femme or neither masc or feminine. Just women who are lesbians and exist on the human level of having characteristics that are both stereotypical and non stereotypical as far as what culture assigns to us based on sex. Even butches and femmes do no necessarily check all the “boxes” the world thinks we should. 

My lesbians friends who are not butch or femme are comfortable in a wide range of clothing and hair cuts and it just depends on what suits them at the moment. Once we get a little experience under our belts out in the world we seem to learn to wear what is both comfortable and utilitarian without worrying about the perception of the outside world. When it comes to dressing up for an occasion like a date or an event I wear what makes ME feel best and while still balancing that with what I think women might find me attractive in.  I think it is a normal, common thought process shared with most other humans. We can choose what makes us feel good and still want to look good for others, especially other women. 

 I can assure you that, all jokes aside, no one can take your lesbian card for clothing choices, hair cuts or any other aesthetics. Your sexual orientation is what makes you a lesbian. Everything else is just being human.  Don’t mistake the community or experiences you might share (or not share) with other lesbians as a requirement of your lesbianism. Those are perks but not necessary. 

If you were sitting in your lawn chair by a fire pit with a variety of other lesbians you would hear many stories about how we struggled with being okay with our sexual orientation and it is not necessarily dependent on any support or lack thereof that we received. While an aggressively negative or anti homosexual home life, family or religious background can certainly make accepting ourselves much harder, even those of us whose family and friends were neutral or supportive had internal obstacles to overcome. 

Few humans are free from the affects of the outside world, even before social media. In my youth, movies, tv, magazine and my peer group all had some backwards ideas about what being a lesbian is and applied incorrect moral ideals to it.   I had to put in the work myself for many years to come to terms with being same sex attracted in a world that attached negativity to such relationships. Once I had lesbian friends, especially older ones I saw hope in my future. 

You are okay just as you are. Your personality, aesthetic choices and hobbies do not have any affect on your sexual attraction and orientation so be you, enjoy what you like and be honest with yourself about what kind of woman you want to love and be loved by. 

I hope you find some lesbian friends of many ages. In the meantime my tiktok might help you see that lesbian life can be full of happiness, friendships and variety. 

[silcosprincess]

Hi! I'd like to request for a romantic matchup please. SFW for now.

Pronouns: they/them

Age: 18

Sexuality: Idk but I prefer men  Okay with poly: Not really

Side I'm on: Neither (I'm on the side of peace), but certainly not Noxus

Personality: Introspective and rational, terrified of conflict. I daydream a lot and tend to space out when I’m not talking to someone. I’m a true introvert, but I love to talk to certain people and about things I find interesting, like my fixations or a fun hypothetical situation. I observe people more than I want to interact with them. I'm also good at reading people (to the point where my brother thinks I can read people's minds). Purple represents me best as a colour.

Hobbies: Reading, looking for fanfiction with amazing writing styles (descriptions, vibes, the closer it reads like poetry, the better), writing (fanfiction for now, but I plan to become a professional writer in the future e.g. movies, tv shows, manga), listening to music, psychoanalyzing people, analyzing fictional characters, watching horror movie summaries and anime/movie reaction videos

Likes: POETRY (I follow the web weave tag here and my favourite poet might just be Richard Siken), tofu (my favourite food), chocolate, books (the genres I tend to read are thrillers, fantasy or sci-fi), no longer human (my favourite book), the traveling cat chronicles (my favourite comfort book), anime (mostly shounen, but I've watched some movies as well), manga, analyzing characters with many layers to them, personality typology (the closest thing I've had to a hyperfixation. my all-time favourite is enneagram, but I’ve had astrology and MBTI phases), action or comedy movies, visiting cafes, looking at sunrises and sunsets, watching storms (LIGHTNING), crochet flowers and plushies (I don’t crochet, I just buy them), phone charms, the colour purple, window shopping, video essays (marketing - celebrities, not companies, somewhat deep topics like love and philosophy, literature and film analysis - especially themes of horror movies, despite me being too chicken to actually watch the moves)

Traits I like in someone: Intelligence, common sense, the ability to listen, someone passionate about their interests. I've noticed that my two closest friends are passive and non-confrontational, try not to get upset easily, and sometimes indecisive (ex: choosing what drink to get, I make decisions for them when they can't). So I would say I tend to get along with people who are enneagram 9s, though I wouldn't say I would necessarily like their traits in other people.

Traits I dislike in someone: Recklessness, lack of common sense, lack of maturity (when they're old enough to be a teenager/adult), self-deprecation/too pessimistic that it starts to drain me.

Thank you for your hard work!

Hiii! Thank you for requesting <3 @archive-of-the-lost

I match you with:

💙Viktor💙

The both of you share a passion for analysis and creativity, which makes conversations between you and him flow without much effort, and he aligns really nicely with your introspective personality. He always feels seen in your presence and he makes you feel the same by valuing your thoughts and ideas that you share with him.

Viktor often quotes passages from books you've read back to you, as a show of admiration because he really appreciates your love for literature and doesn't normally meet people who truly care for books and reading like you do.

Quiet evenings with you are his favorite times nowadays, reading with you by lamplight or tinkering with some new invention that either of you made, sharing comfortable silence.

He has a lot of fascination with understanding the human condition, so he also really enjoys having deep conversations with you about that type of stuff since you're also like to analyze layered characters, or other people in general.

The connection between you two is almost always peaceful, and he shares your preference for avoiding conflict if it's unnecessary, and he tries to be a soothing presence in your life.

You also give him warmth and encouragement, which is something he usually overlooks in his pursuit of progress. You always remind him to prioritize self care and truly appreciate his own life beyond work.

Viktor really treasures your perspective on life, your ability to see beauty and meaning in even the most mundane things. He'll often ask for your take on other people or just random things since he really admires how your mind works and just admires you in general tbh.

Your relationship with him inspires Viktor to dream beyond science for one, and to actually think of his own future beyond his vision of perfection or cleanliness, and the both of you work together to balance out the abstract with the practical.

Day-to-day activities with him are usually pretty warm and calm, strolling through either Piltover or Zaun together, visiting little cafes where you exchange ideas over tea and coffee. He always listens intently to your fanfiction ideas, occasionally offering suggestions (if wanted) and just doing little things like smiling and nodding at you to show that he's interested in what you're saying and also admiring you at the same time.

He likes to surprise you sometimes with cute little things he makes, like mechanical purple flowers that light up whenever they're touched by the wind. Even whenever he's busy, he tries his best to make time for you, and he always finds solace in the moments you share.

Thank you again for requesting <3 I hope you liked this, let me know if I got anything wrong or if you have any other ideas for this dynamic.

[queen--of--maggots]

What’s your most unpopular DN opinion? (It can be about canon, fanon the fandom)

I don’t even know if you are still around anon, but I promised you an answer, and here it is. Unpopular opinion time! And here’s a really unpopular one: I wish Wammy’s wouldn’t exist and Ohba went in a different direction after L’s death.

I’m probably almost the only one with this opinion. I know many people love the Wammy kids, and I want to make this clear, this is not necessarily about the characters from Wammy’s. I appreciate them, some more, others less. However, you can like a character and still think the story would have been better without them.

First, a few points on why I don’t like the introduction of Wammy’s.

One thing I enjoyed a lot about DN up to L’s death is the lack of overused tropes. For example, DN isn’t L’s story despite him fitting more into the good guy role, L isn’t portrayed as a hero, Light isn’t portrayed as a villain, Misa isn’t the innocent victim who was dragged into this, and neither L nor Light is the chosen one(s), main characters don’t have an extremely outstanding design, and so on. Wammy’s changes this partially. There must be people, qualified ones included, in the entire world that have reasons why they want to stop Kira, but all of Kira’s antagonists originate from the same place – Wammy’s. That’s pretty much the secret-intuition-that-protects-the-world-from-evil trope. It also falls into the chosen one trope because only L’s successors are apparently good enough to put an end to Kira. Also, Near has a rather outstanding design. Having white hair isn’t impossible, but highly unlikely. In addition, he looks like 12 despite being 18 and always wears fucking pajamas instead of normal clothes. Mello has a somewhat outstanding design too, but it’s more the way the dresses. I won’t complain too much about it. Still, compare this to Team Kira’s new additions. Mikami’s and Takada’s designs are way more grounded.

Another trope I find annoying is linking everything to the same two or three people. Every important character that is introduced later in the series has a connection to one of the original main characters (being related, childhood friends, same former mentor, …). In my opinion, that’s just a cheap way to give a new character credit without them doing anything and make them more popular among fans. If the character is well-written enough, things like that are not necessary. Ohba goes hard for this trope with Wammy’s: Near, Mello, and even fucking Matt are all L’s successors, so they have a direct link to him. And, while it’s just a spinoff, and how canon it is is debatable, even the BB murder case goes back to L and Wammy’s. (I know AN wasn’t written by Ohba, but it fits the pattern.) Compare this to Light’s allies. Most Kiras had no previous connection to Light before meeting him. The only exception is Kiyomi after the time skip. In Misa’s case, Kira gave her the revenge she wanted. However, she’s likely still one of many with similar stories. She didn’t know Light before, and Light didn’t know her. Even how Misa got her DN is unrelated to Light and Ryuk. Mikami had to stand entirely on his own feet. He had no direct connection to Light or L whatsoever.

I’m also disappointed that Ohba toned down the realism with Wammy’s. DN wasn’t 100% realistic before either, but there is a drop in it with the introduction of the Wammy’s characters. We go from one rich dude who fights crime mainly for entertainment to an entire training ground for super-intelligent orphans to become the world’s greatest detectives. Then there’s Mello with the missile and ultra-fast healing powers, and Near winning because of magical guessing powers and plot armor. Both are also younger than Light and inexperienced. And while humans aren’t born with special powers in the DN universe and supernatural aspects are limited to the Shinigami and the Shinigami realm, BB has Shinigami eyes for no apparent reason. Technically, these are still connected to the Shinigami within the story, but the explanation given for this is extremely vague and unsatisfying.

The points I’ve listed so far would bother me less if they always would have been a thing or if both sides were treated equally regarding tropes and bullshit. But they are particularly noticeable for Wammy’s characters, while Team Kira is not so much affected.

Also, I liked that before Wammy’s became a thing, L was an extraordinary element. L appeared to be self-made. He even became an important part of law enforcement even though his main motivation wasn’t justice. Before Wammy’s introduction, his death would have had a massive impact on the DN universe because once he is dead, L doesn’t exist anymore and is no longer a secret weapon in difficult cases. Even if Kira is defeated, losing L in the process would be a massive loss. Wammy’s existence reduces L to a replaceable role. If he dies, someone else from the L-factory will take the position. The death of L as a person has almost no impact on the DN universe because L as an entity still exists, and that’s the only thing that counts. No consequences whatsoever. Barely anyone knew how he looked anyway.

I understand why Ohba went with L’s successors as a continuation instead of something else. He was playing the safe card by feeding the consumers something they are already familiar with. Going for different scenarios would be risky and require more effort. However, it could have been more rewarding if executed well. I would have liked a greater variety of enemies for Light and him having to adapt to new dangers. So, here are some scenarios that I would have found more intriguing than the one we got.

The premise of Mello’s arc was interesting; unfortunately, the execution was horrendous. But Light vs a criminal organization that, for example, wants the DN or Kira’s power for themselves isn’t a bad idea. A criminal organization would be a lot more ruthless than L. L needed evidence, while a crime syndicate would immediately shoot Light if he showed up on the list of suspects. And his family would be in danger too.

Or a revenge plot? Something like Kira killed a family member or other loved one (preferably justified, but could also be someone wrongly accused), and a bereaved person wants revenge. Now, this person is on a suicide mission, and Light has to fight against someone who has nothing left to lose. Their own survival is optional, only getting revenge before dying counts.

How about Kira vs a fanatic Kira fan? Someone who thinks Kira isn’t Kira enough anymore and feels they can do better? Maybe this person could make Light’s allies question their loyalty to him. Who are they loyal to, Light or Kira?

A female antagonist would also have potential (but not with Ohba as an author). Light tends to underestimate women. Now, Light faces one as a competent opponent, and he has to take one or more critical hits to realize the danger.

Anyway, the successor arc definitely has its moments, but overall, it is a lot weaker. And in my opinion, these weaknesses are primarily connected to Wammy’s. So, removing it could have been beneficial for the story. At least, that’s my opinion. If you have a different opinion, that’s great. But please, I’m not particularly interested in lengthy discussions about this subject.

[tarotofzhivamoon]

Pick a picture reading

What is blocking reconciliation?

Hi! Thank you for stopping by and reading my work. I hope that you’re going to find the guidance that you need��🏻 You can now book a reading with me! Visit my services here and just message me if you are interested in booking any reading.

Pause and take a big breath in, then choose the pile you feel the most drawn to🦋

Masterlist • P@tr30n • Personal readings

Pile 1

Some of the main blockages for this reconciliation are indecision and a whole lot of lack of clarity, accompanied by feelings of isolation, of not being supported and needing to deal with everything on your own because emotionally and mentally you know you can’t depend on the other person for help. This knowing doesn’t necessarily have to be true though because in the past either you or your person, or both of you even, have dealt with experiences that were sort of unpleasant and your minds have stored those unpleasant experiences to a point in which it makes it really easy for you to categorize, label and compartmentalize all these other experiences that happened after those moments. There are associations of new experiences with memories of similar past experiences that have really made it hard for the both of you to actually believe that you’re there for each other and that you want to offer and show support, but due to what you have gone through in the past, it was really hard to believe at the time, maybe it’s hard to believe now as well. It’s very easy for human being to just assume what the other person is feeling or thinking about us, it’s easy to feel like you rightfully know everything about them and about what is going on within them and that’s what gives it some form of realism, it seems like that’s actually what is happening, when in reality the other person could feel completely different than what we are assuming, but instead of asking or clarifying, we continue on believing the story that our minds have painted based on their behavior and comparing it to past experiences that go way deeper than romantic love or friends, down to the relationship we had with our caregivers and what we have seen around us along with what beliefs have been passed onto us. There could’ve been moments in which the support wasn’t there, where it was actually how the other person showed up, but it wasn’t all the time either; that lack of clarity has truly made you both go to really difficult mental and emotional places when it came to each other and your relationship and it has caused a whole lot of baggage; this is the root issue that —

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Pile 2

The main root blockages for this reconciliation are definitely well represented by either you, your person or both of you just effortlessly wallowing in such an unhealthy self-pity, refusing and clinging to move on from the past and just letting go of what has happened which results in you both beating yourselves up over past mistakes that you have made and taking those on as your full identity. Not only this but also not taking on a whole lot of accountability within the connection which has made it very easy for the both of you to simply allow this fear of failing each other to just limit the effort that you have been putting into this relationship when you were together. This is how the dissolution of the relationship started and how it’s been for a whole lot of time, until one of you actually started to see things for what they are and actually put some of that mindset behind, trying to guide the other towards doing the same thing in attempt to save this relationship but it just was too late. The two of you just couldn’t move on from that fear of disappointing the other, maybe it was warranted to be afraid of that due to some criticism or an issue in communication that has caused the both of you to take things personally, to feel like you were being blamed for everything that was going wrong in the relationship almost like you were passing blame from one to the other back and forth, but it’s also been something that you have heavily experienced before in other relationships too. There might’ve been small mistakes that lead to bigger problems or even past criticism, small experiences that have had such a big impact on the both of you and made you believe that it’s so easy to disappoint another, that if you can’t meet their expectations, then you are just doomed because you messed up so badly to a point in which you lost value, the other person might not want anything to do with you anymore. There’s a sense of catastrophizing everything, but it doesn’t seem to be directed at each other or when the other messed up, it wasn’t such a big deal compared to when you both individually messed up and the other would speak up for themselves, in however way they knew best at the time. If you messed up, it was like it was the end of this relationship and those mistakes kept daunting you both until —

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Dividers by Kawaii-Lau on Tumblr🦋

[literatureloverx]

I’m curious as to how you get along with other zodiac signs. I saw a MBTI and astrology blog reblogging your ENFJ post and I was curious. I also looked up your big six on your about me page. Too many scorpio placements…

Oh, it must be on @oiblackestsheep ‘s blog!♥️

I think I can break this down somehow… I can read birth charts, but I should mention that I’m not as skilled in astrology as others might be. I mostly studied it to build a basic understanding. And as anyone with some knowledge of astrology knows, a birth chart is far more significant than just the sun sign when it comes to assessing someone’s personality, among other things.

Personally, I tend to get along best with air signs, followed by water, earth, and then fire.

Read this for entertainment purposes only!

Air signs:

Libra: Very kind and generous people. We almost always had similar interests when it comes to aesthetics and generally shared a similar mindset. The friend I like the most is a Libra. She never pushes me to give too much when I lack the energy and is always very respectful. Both of us value harmony, and the levels of toxicity are almost nonexistent. Also, the Libras I’ve met have always been hilarious, and funny enough, they’re often the ones who find me hilarious as well.

Aquarius (though very close to Libra): Aquarians are the least problematic people I’ve ever met. While there is potential for toxicity if the wrong ones are chosen, I’ve also met very healthy and kind Aquarians. I got along with those I’ve known very well. The top spot could easily be shared between Libra and Aquarius.

Gemini: Not my primary choice for a friend, but they’re very kind people. The constant shifting and turning of the tables, along with their undying energy, can be a bit overwhelming. I can’t keep up with how flexible they are, especially considering how fixated I tend to be.

Water signs:

Scorpio: I don’t know why, but somehow I always end up “adopted” by other Scorpios. There’s a strange connection where we meet for the first time, and they decide, “You’re with me now.” It must be because of my easygoing nature, I think. Scorpios love having control over others, and I’m not opposed to “being controlled” (somehow, I don’t take it negatively, so I’m really chill about it?)—as long as it’s not something I really dislike or feel uncomfortable with. Anyway, they’re great leaders (I’m not speaking about myself here).

Pisces: Yes… me and Pisces. I tend to have very intimate friendships with Pisces, but they always seem to lead to a dead end, based on my observations. It’s always the same pattern: They project their own issues onto me without regard for how I feel or what I might want — or even if I have the time for that. I set a well-meaning boundary with the utmost care and consideration, but they somehow take it very personally, end the friendship, and never want to talk things out. I don’t like the victim mentality that the ones I’ve met so far have. I prefer talking things through, and an abrupt cut-off out of nowhere is not something anyone deserves after giving their time and energy.

Cancer: I don’t know many Cancers, but my internet wife is certainly one. ♥️ Aside from her, the ones I’ve met were nurturing and kind, though I could definitely sense a manipulative edge — not necessarily in a negative way (I know… what do I mean by ‘manipulative’ but ‘not negative,’ right? Well, that’s a topic for another time).

Earth signs:

Taurus: Every single Taurus on this earth is a blessing to humanity. Okay, well… I shouldn’t romanticise them too much, haha. I actually don’t like the stubbornness that seems to come out of nowhere, which is a pattern I’ve recognised in Tauruses, but it’s a “stereotypical” trait anyway. My brother is a Taurus as well, and an ENTP… can you see the struggle I have there? 🥺 (Mr. “I’m right.”)

Capricorn: Very focused, reserved, and hardworking people, which I admire greatly. They have this “superior” energy, regardless of their affiliation, which I find fascinating. We always get along well, but I haven’t had any close relationships with them, so I can’t really judge it properly. My realistic approach to relationships resonates with them.

Virgo: I once had a Virgo friend. She was very sweet, but after breaking up with her boyfriend, she somehow became the most heartless and egotistical person alive. Because of that, I can’t judge Virgos based on her, or at all. I’ve heard they’re very detail-oriented people, but she wasn’t like that at all.

Fire signs: (you are cute but…whatever.)

Sagittarius: I’ve had a few Sagittarius friends, but we weren’t that close. I’ve known them enough to share my thoughts, though. I don’t resonate with their constant need to hop from one place to another. I lack that kind of energy, and they often lack the emotional depth I typically look for in people who are close to me or have the potential to be. I also tend to get a headache whenever they talk about their love life, for some reason. (Be honest with me—do you know a single Sagittarius without commitment issues? If you can show me one, I’ll eat a dish I dislike, haha.) I can’t really keep up with them on any level, and they can’t keep up with me either. There’s a lack of communication because our styles are so different. I don’t see them negatively, though; we’re just very different, and in this case, opposites simply don’t attract. However, they are very friendly people—possibly some of the most friendly I’ve ever met. They’re always sincere.

Leo: I’ve only known one Leo in my entire life, and we weren’t close. She seemed like a nice person, but unfortunately, that’s all I can say.

Aries: *sigh*… There’s a lot to say here—and yet, not much at all. Unfortunately, I’ve only met very unhealthy and immature Aries up until now. Not one has surprised me positively. The impulsiveness of the Aries I’ve encountered always made me feel uncertain about how to approach them, as they were so headstrong and self-assured—almost (?) arrogant. As someone who values harmony and respect, none of them were people I’d want to surround myself with for long. Strangely enough, they were always the ones who wanted me around, probably because I’m dependable. One Aries even became quite controlling, despite us not being that close. Did I give you the privilege of controlling me? Tch. He thought so highly of himself, it was almost nauseating—okay, maybe too much information. I’m not judging anyone, but he simply was not a great person. Overall, all the Aries I’ve met have tended to be immature, impulsive, destructive, and choleric.

Overall rating:

1. Libra

2. Aquarius

3. Scorpio

4. Taurus

5. I’m not rating anyone below 5th place because I don’t have the heart for it. I love everyone, okay? So, all the remaining zodiac signs are in 5th place.

[docholligay]

She Who Became The Sun

I want to thank @amhrancas for commissioning me to read a book I have been so so curious about, and I hope y'all will thank her too! She's also letting me, next month, talk about a movie I FUCKING LOVE.

nonspoilery: A plot-driven book that takes place over a long period of time in China during the time oof the Khans. There’s a lot to like in it, and i think a lot of people would really connect with this storyline, but there’s something slightly off about it that didn’t quite make it with me, that I pin down to a certain lack of character depth. It’s a pretty decent book overall, with some great description though, and the character thing is in no way jarring--it took me a bit to figure out what made the book not quite hit for me. 

SPOILERS BELOW:

I really wanted to like this book, and I still want to like this book, and I don’t NOT like this book, but I was prepared to love it. I don’t. I wish I did. 

And this isn’t me trying to satisfy the people I know love this book, or hedge about my feelings: I know how many of y’all loved GtN, and my response was essentially, “Hey, quick question, what the fuck is wrong with you?” (affectionate) so it’s not that I’m afraid to come out as not liking something well received by my peers. It’s just, I felt so close to really liking the book, and just could not get myself there. 

We’ll come back to that, but it’s one of the less-relevant bits of the review, so we’ll move on from it for now. So this is a historical fiction novel: KINDA. I admit that I know nothing about larger Chinese history, I never studied it, so I actually was not even aware that this was about a real person except for my commissioner telling me so when asking me questions to consider for the book. Some of the back of the book comments are calling it a historical fantasy, and aside from, I guess, the ghosts, the only reason I can see for this is that this is not at all representing the historical person Zhu Yuanzhang (I didn’t let myself look him up until after I had finished the book) so I would, personally, actually call this an alt-history, but I understand tht has some baggage with it the author may not have wanted to engage in. 

I was asked about the idea of narratively reworking a historic figure to be totally different from who they were. I have no problem with it! I feel like as long as we’re all HONEST about it--and I feel like this book is pretty honest about it, though, what choice does it have--it’s fun to sometimes have a historical blorbo and make them do what you want. I think that real people do not have symbolism and foreshadowing and motifs, and so, as a Lit major, I think it can somehow make people more REAL, by making them fictional. 

Also, as a History major, I kind of do not like it, for reasons that have nothing to do with the ACT of it, and more with the idea that so many people do not ever venture beyond the fictional work and so have completely incorrect notions of historical figures, and they feel ways about these human beings based on the very much fictional avatars presented. This tends to lead to a thing I LOATHE, where we do bad history because we need these people we admire to have been ‘like us’ or to hold values we hold or feel like we could have been friends with them, ignoring the reality of their personality, their social and temporal position, the fullness of who they were as a person, etc. I see a lot of bad fucking history based on this idea, and that is not new, this has been going on for a million years, but I have never liked it. Fictional accounts can convince people of things that aren’t necessarily the factual kind of true. 

That complicated feeling of mine goes on beyond this book, and, frankly, this takes it to such an extreme that I doubt very sincerely I’m going to see scholarship done about a great emperor of China being a woman secretly. So, I feel complex ways about it, but with a smart audience that realizes it’s fiction, I don’t have a problem with it, though in the same way I tend to prefer Not!Europes or Not!New Yorks, I tend to prefer, for example Not!Billy the Kids or what have you. But it didn’t affect my feelings about the book at all, this is a common thing in literature and the multitudes I contain today I will still contain tomorrow. 

Let’s talk about our main characters. 

Zhu. I think this is where the book didn’t lose me, but failed to engage me. I want to like Zhu so bad, but I just don’t, and I don’t mean I dislike her, I just mean I don’t…care much. I feel like I have no idea of the interiority of who she is other than trying to hide being a woman. I don’t get a grasp of her personality otherwise. I know she does what it takes to survive, I know she sees ghosts, and I know she becomes ruthless in a way that I found a bit shocking not in a “oh my god! Twist! Way but in a way where I felt like there wasn’t a clear enough path for people named Doc, who are me, from “I can kill a bad man” to “I can murder a child” or maybe there was, i don’t know, I just felt like there was a wall kept up between me and Zhu*. She murders a child, and Ma is all, “You said you wanted me for my kindness but you don’t care about it” and then Ma is at her side anyhow, so I guess it didn’t actually matter to Ma that much either, close of business, and I am just sitting there going, ‘Okay the book is over now, right?”

Ouyang. Probably my favorite character in the whole book, and yet, I mean I don’t like him in an “Ouyang is an innocent meow meow.” Ouyang is a bitter, hateful person who has intentionally forced himself not to feel joy or comfort or love because he made himself into a weapon and a weapon alone. Like Zhu, he took the steel he was given, but he bent it to his will. I love him as a character, I think his approach to everything is fascinating, and, inevitable, and I frankly find him much better written than Zhu. I was not at all surprised when he killed Esen. I saw it coming very early on, not in a ‘predictable trope’ way but in a ‘I hear the howl from far off and don’t get shocked when the wolves come in” way. He did it, and the way that was written was so great, and I was sitting there going, “You are going to blow up every good thing, the only good thing, that you have, out of a love for people you don’t even remember and a culture that is only yours in the way a shadow is you.” He looks straight at me and goes, “And what of it?” Extremely taken with him. 

Revenge is a huge thing in this book, and the necessity of it, almost. Is there redemption in revenge, what does it mean to find redemption, and is there value in holding onto an old pain for so long? Ouyang waits til near the end of the book for his revenge, but does he feel satisfaction from it? He carries his need to kill Esen like a bag of bricks, but he never for one moment imagines that he can set it down. I think there’s something to be said for a lack of flexibility in that. What does revenge bring him? What did his revenge against Zhu bring him? He suffers so much at the end, when he kills Esen, in what is very likely my favorite scene from the whole book, the absolute perfect ending to their story, and even then he cannot imagine a different way. He takes this idea of revenge as his way of being man, his fucking fixation on manhood and being a son, and what he is and what he is not, and he lets it eat him alive, and it brings him NOTHING. At the end of the day, it brings him only suffering and pain, and instead of having one dead family, he has two. 

 Though I suppose it could be said that Esen suffers for his near-inability to be capable of revenge. Not that he’s a weak man, he isn’t, and not a cruel one either, though often a thoughtless one. (And maybe this is, after it all, why Ouyang can kill him. He was always kind to Ouyang in every way Esen could think of, but he never thought about Ouyang, from Ouyang’s view.) But he doesn’t have the sense of revenge that other people in his life do, he doesn’t have the instinct. Not even what i would call full on revenge, he can hardly make the people he cares about pay for the things they do. 

Maybe the way to live is between them, I don’t know. 

So, obviously, at the end I absolutely salivating over everything that is happening with Esen and Ouyang, but find myself very much left cold by whatever the hell Zhu is doing. This is a problem as a reader! This isn’t even me saying, “Oh nooooo Zhu turns ruthless and naughty” I actually think that’s a great middle point for a story, but for the end to be like, “So then Zhu murders a child, and is now king. The end.” I was sitting there going, “so what…am I supposed to take from this, exactly?” A good story has a moral, not always a good moral, and maybe moral isn’t even the right word, but stories teach us things, and with the B-track story of Esen and Ouyang I feel like I got that, but with Zhu’s story I came away utterly plussed about the whole thing. Diversity win! The warrior-king who ruthlessly grasps for power is a gender noncomforming woman! Ahaha I mean I’m oversimplifying obviously, but it feels in many ways unfinished to me. 

I really did like the descriptions and vocabulary in the book, though, and I think this is part of what broke my heart about not loving it. PLEASE use words like palimpsest and internecine and facile. PLEASE describe things as being “like froth on a dead man’s mouth” and “ held on as if it were a slipping deck at sea” and  “the particular combination of awe and pity one gets from seeing fragile pear blossoms in the rain” my god. WHAT. I was fucking SPOILED by the language of the piece.  To a degree that was almost frustrating. 

The experience of this book was the experience of an ex where it should have worked, where it should have been everything and more, and it wasn’t even BAD, it just did not reach what it should have. I feel an echoing ache that I could not really ever LOVE this book despite wanting to so badly. It feels frustrating, ina way that hating a book doesn’t. I do think people who are interested in this book should read it for themselves and make a judgment call, as I’m sure and know that there are plenty of people who enjoy this book exactly as it is. I’m not chomping at the bit to read the sequel but not opposed to it, either, and maybe in that shrug is the harshest condemnation I can realistically offer. It’s not a bad book. It’s even a pretty good book. But it does not give me passion for its main character. 

*It might be that this book is so so fast-paced. It is slamming from year to year with military movements and the Mongol court and the Red Turbans and betrayals and successes and there are few breaths taken in between. Some people will love that, but I felt it robbed me of a bit of knowing the people I’m reading about. 

[castlebyersafterdark]

a few kinda not chill asks sent my way too a while back, about being disinterested or disappointed when fandom blogs get too personal and it just turned my stomach

Ok it might not be me, but ive definitely said this kind of thing to blogs before and i would like to come here now and explain myself and also apologise.

Firstly, context and tone being lost online. i understand it's easy to project and take things to heart that might not even have been about us! been there done that, all day long! but still, i'm sorry that i might have contributed to someone feeling bad because of that.

Secondly and more importantly, it probably was totally unnecessary for me to comment things like that in the first place. ive changed my habits so much in the past few months on this site, and feel so much better. it was wild in the midst of s4, then all the byler shit happening really made me act out in a way that i didnt care for at all. didnt even feel like me! i didnt do anything terrible, but i started to understand the slippery slope of how people end up catfishing and shit. it's the anonymity! you dont stop and think online. well, most don't. but i think you do, vinny. its one of the reasons i love your blog.

which leads me to point three. yes, you talk about personal stuff, but it's so charming and endearing, and never feels gratuitous or self-centred or wallowy. and so, even for someone like me who always wanted byler content more than personal stuff on other blogs, i had a realisation. not necessarily a kind or unkind one, but a truthful one: that being here is kind of like meeting people irl in many ways. some people you click with, others you don't. and that's ok. but in real life you can size people up and judge if you want to associate with them. no shade to those who don't compel you - its just part of being human and you walk away and don't befriend them.

but online is so weird - we can't see each other, don't know our ages or interests or anything except what we're told. so when people you perhaps thought were cool, suddenly turn their blog into something that starts to feel unsafe or just downright rubbish... or perhaps you realise theyre so very much younger than you and it's not exactly manageable to be chatting with them because you wouldn't have such a relationship irl... well, i guess its easy to feel tricked. and you can't see it coming like you might if you were physically associating with someone in person, or with mutual friends who give you perspective. i mean, i definitely shouldn't have interacted with so many younger people in this fandom so carelessly, but fandom can be unclear like that sometimes, when you're thrilling in a shared interest and forgetting how many different life experiences people are bringing to the same thing.

and yeah, i could probably have just walked away and not said anything. that's my bad. i was venting. (not about you, about others and you may have seen it and taken it to heart). so its a combo of internet enabling bad behaviour + the weirdness of invisible online connections, and my own lack of foresight.

but honestly vinny, never once have i felt annoyed by you. I've always loved your insights and personal life things... im drawn to the way you think and speak and it helps that you're self-aware, and seem honest and mature. in fact sometimes i feel a bit weirded out by just how much i love this blog. it feels like a real connection sometimes, even though its still invisible online. you have a real authorial voice, you are original and you are... well, you. what always annoyed me was when other byler blogs just became carbon copies of each other, complaining about the same shit (usually byler doubt) and then suddenly soapboxing about personal problems in a way that would have made me feel unsafe and stressed if i knew them irl.

not to say these bloggers were objectively bad, but just not my cup of tea. i didn't handle it well, i should have just scrolled on past. but i didnt and that was on me. not everyone can like everyone, and that's ok. that's normal. but i wouldnt want anyone to have that life lesson served to them in a bad-shaped box, and especially not by me.

so yeah. apologising in case i had a hand in making you feel that way by proxy. and i hope it can mean something that i don't ever think youre annoying. i genuinely love it here. i can't wait to stick it out with you until s5 drops! and i think i'll be more sad than i thought, because all our speculation and gossip will come to an end with the show.

Posting since you gave the go ahead 😌

This is just a silly fandom blog at the end of the day, but I do feel somewhat vulnerable at times. A lot. It can feel like sending a risky text over and over. I have this inability that once I allow myself to feel comfortable in a place, even an online setting, I do tend to get overly personal and insightful and vulnerable once the edge is tipped over. Slippery slope when you've been a person who's lifelong dealt with pretty severe anxiety and sensitivity, even while being pretty extroverted. Weird combo. I'm a mess! But it's ok.

Situations like this, me making an offhand comment, probably based on off hand comments not at all to do with me - stem from all that. And it's like oh god, mannn why are you like this!?! Chill out! And it's no one's fault - to anon sending this ask: based on how you're explaining and talking here, you may have been one I saw elsewhere that I took to heart but you definitely don't sound like those who sent unkind things over the summer. So it's ok 🥲🙏 We are all works in progress. I've gotten myself in to some situations online, mostly of mine own doing, but also not, and I guess as fun as I have on here and despite the rampant kindness - I'm always bracing for the worst. Because we've all seen what fandom can be like, what the internet can be like.

I feel you though, and anyone else who has their guards up. We can't help what does and does not resonate. I think I know what you mean by going to a space for one thing and then tonally it morphs into something different. I've seen that happen with blogs. And it's so hard because we're human, even if we want to be aloof and disconnected, there's always someone behind every post and page and blog and account (well, unless it's a bot haha), but we aren't going to click with most people and we aren't going to get to know most, either. And it's so much easier for everything to switch up like that online as opposed to knowing a person "in the real world." Without knowing the backstory, the reason. If there's any at all. And I think it's very human to feel some sort of way about these things. The person looking at the screen is just as real as the one one the other side, and there's this digital wall between all of us - connections can be beautiful here, but they can also be frustrating.

I'm really glad that even one person feels affected in a positive way by whatever it is I'm doing here, it really blows my mind when I read kind words. Not trying to sound facetious, it truly catches me off guard and it's always a pleasant reminder. I think that's why I get so anxious and nervous thinking anything I do here is upsetting or annoying or negative. Because I've been that negative presence online in the past and I don't want to be. It's actually kind of funny and sweet that you feel weirded out by liking it here so much, because I feel the same???? Breaking down the reality of being obsessed with a TV show is... kinda fucking weird??? But it's not gonna change for me. This is what I'm into and passionate about and it's sooooo damn cool that others are too and vibe in the way I'm vibing with it.

As always - thanks for hanging out. I'll be sticking around long after our speculation and gossip dies down, and I hope people still want to hang out even after it's over. I'll still keep posting and oversharing and being creative and yes, being annoying about a television show. ❤️

[ceph-the-ghost-writer]

for the thirsty asks: 34 & 48 for Renato, 17 for Kinslayer, and 30 & 41 for Isaac (--@space-writes)

@space-writes Thanks for the ask! (I'm still working on that prompt you sent in ages ago btw. It'll be done. Eventually.)

Content Advisory: Discussion of sexual situations, hallucinogen use mention, and power dynamics

(Asks from the How Thirsty is Your OC list)

What's the most adventurous thing they've tried during sex?

Similar to Rainier, Renato is more about doing whatever feels good and getting off. He's game for pretty much anything that doesn't involve any elaborate prep on his part. So, when a witch once asked him to put on a ritual mask, drink some herbal concoction, and have sex with her inside a magic circle while thirteen of her friends chanted around them, he was like, "All right, see you at midnight."

He's still not entirely sure whether the sensations he experienced were from magic or just whatever drugs were in the tea. Either way he had a great time and the witches didn't steal part of his soul or anything. At least he's pretty sure they didn't...

Do they like a certain kind of aftercare more than others?

Renato loves any sort of cuddling/physical closeness after sex, but especially bathing with someone. Partly because if the other person is blissed out and boneless, just letting him clean them up, it tells him he did a great job. But mostly because Renato is starved for intimacy and affection, and cuddly aftercare is the best he can do without, you know, going through the actual trouble of opening up and being honest with a partner.

Weirdest place they've had sex?

Does inside someone's mind count? Dream/telepathy sex is great because Kinslayer can get as weird and sadistic as they want without actually harming their squishy human partner. Well, aside from the terror experienced in the moment, but that's nothing a little aftercare can't fix. Really no worse than having a nightmare. If they have a lil nibble on the person's soul while they're at it that's fine too--oh, it grows back, don't be such a baby.

How bratty are they?

Very. Isaac's whole brand is defiance and being stubborn. He will occasionally have a cozy, friendly roll in the hay if the vibe is right, but those encounters lack the sort of physical intensity that keeps him coming back for more.

Isaac needs a few things for sexual chemistry to really happen: trust, to have his boundaries/comfort zones pushed a little, and surrender. Him digging his heels in and challenging a partner with a Make me or I dare you attitude is one way he gets all those things.

If he can push back and his partner plays along rather than getting frustrated, it gives him a sign that maybe they're safe to let go around. Pushing his boundaries can be about trust, but it also has the practical use of cracking his emotional shell. (Not necessarily the safest or smartest way of going about this, but Isaac's got his share of issues.) When he does finally give in, though, he puts 120% into rewarding somebody for their patience, and proves he can be a very good boy indeed. At least until next time.

Do they classify any particular type of sex as "love making"?

As in ascribing an emotional value to the acts being performed? Not really? The aforementioned low intensity encounters certainly made Isaac feel closer to someone, even if it wasn't in the compulsory romantic/monogamous way. But being dominated by Kinslayer to the point of breaking down in tears also fosters a genuine connection. That's as much about love and trust to him as "soft", slow sex.

If anything, what term he uses is more about the tone or tempo of the experience. Or whether he's in the presence of someone's abuelita, so can't just say "fuck".

[vilevexedvixen]

Spice not pie

The pie metaphor for sex I've come across while looking into asexuality is fine but feels... lacking. Sexual attraction is arousal for a subject (usually a real person but not necessarily), whereas arousal on its own has no subject and is just a feeling, like hunger. I feel the pie metaphor only works from the perspective of someone truly disinterested in sex, as it is so trivially non-essential to specifically have pie over other foods. I know it's cliche to refer to sexual things as "spicy", but it really is a much better metaphor in my opinion. For one, its intensity, flavour and applications vary along with a person's tolerance for it (as with sex). Additionally, a chef can know how to use spices masterfully or have a keen interest in cooking with spices, but not feel the need to eat each (if any) dish they make. A lot of chefs are informed by actually tasting the food they make, but practice and recipes can help someone who doesn't want to taste the food themselves to understand how to cook with spices. I wouldn't say one has a better understanding of spice than the other, just a different one based on different approaches. Humans are a social species, social connection (regardless of type, platonic, familial, romantic, sexual, communal, online, etc.) is essential for our wellbeing, much like food. What type of food we eat, how often and what amount per meal (snacking throughout the day, only having three large meals a day, only one large meal with a few snacks, etc.) is largely informed by the culture we grow up surrounded by. Spice is not necessary for food, like a social relationship, to be (ful)filling and wholesome. Flavourful even. Some people may insist spice is better or necessary for food to taste good, but (while it is versatile) that doesn't mean it's true. LivingIronicallyInEurope's video on white people food is great at going into detail with this and I feel works well as a metaphor for the validity of non-sexual relationships https//youtu.be/DbtXdXzip0c Salt and pepper are the most widely used spices, much like vanilla sex and mainstream kinks (fluffy handcuffs, mild (albeit often poorly executed) breathplay, calling a masc partner "Daddy", calling a femme partner "Babygirl", wearing "sexy" schoolgirl or cop outfits, etc.). Spices which are so readily used that many dishes feel bland without them to a lot of people. The variety of other spices then reflect the variety of other ways sexual relationships can be fulfilling or a variety of kinks in a specifically sexual context (with non-spicy seasonings being kinks in a non-sexual context). There are also spices people don't notice as spices but as just flavours, such as cinnamon or pumpkin spice, in which going "ugh that's too spicy for me" might confuse the other people tucking into their spiced baked goods. Sometimes people want the spice on its own for the heat of it and not the flavour and not as part of a filling dish, so they eat a chilli pepper on its own. Much like how some people might prefer impersonal hookups.

On a personal note, I REALLY dislike when ace people describe sex as overrated or a distraction. Much like how overpowering the flavours of a dish with an extremely spicy chilli might ruin it for someone. It's valid to feel that way about it personally, but do not claim that your feelings around sex are a factual statement about sex as a whole. Sex has the capacity to be meaningful and add to a relationship as a medium to express affection and appreciate a friend, partner or acquaintance. Just because you feel it distracts from them doesn't mean it's a limitation of sex, it's a limitation in your view and application of sex.

Not especially deep, I just felt that this metaphor encapsulated the nuances of sexuality better than "I'm hungry, just not for pie".