#but it wont be with people applying cause i dont have time for that

[dream-sans-mogai]

Anyway, because I'm considered a bigger creator within the mogai community and I have a responsibility to address things given my bigger audience-

Please remember that Tumblr, especially LGBT Tumblr concerning discourse and intracommunity issues, is a hyper niche, reactive, violent, sensitive community with next to zero basis in reality at large and you should not take any of its opinions as absolute fact. Especially the mogai community's opinions.

A lot of people on mogai Tumblr talk big game with very clearly fake the-whole-bus-clapped stories about the real world concerning acceptance towards mspec monos, Neopronouns and Xenogenders and it's my job as an adult and guiding voice to remind people these experiences may happen but rarely do and you absolutely should not just tell random people you use purr/purrs pronouns or your a bi gaybian or you identify as Chronosian or other things like that because it's really fucking dangerous even in hyper progressive places like new york, cali and Detroit. It can be deadly in many many small towns, including ones in progressive states. Especially dangerous in non accepting states.

I don't say this to burst your bubble or ruin your hopeful world view but many stories of acceptance are fake, even if some are true, most of the community is underage and just cause your teacher may approve of your Soniccharic identity, doesn't mean they won't tell your transphobic parents. It's scary and dangerous out here for trans and gay people rn and I won't be one of the idiots who tell you to run and frolic with your Xenogender pins Infront of increasingly hostile transphobes. I want the younger gen z trans people to survive and I won't lie to you about the reality of the battle we all are staring down concerning project 2025.

Most of the people telling these stories live in progressive states and do not tell you about the failed times or exaggerate the acceptance they supposedly received. I'm telling you from the mouth of someone who grew up in a tiny town in South Ohio with less than 1,000 people, it's still just as dangerous as it was 10 years ago. I still get followed in my home town. I still get stares in my home town. My actual home town, a place I grew up in where people knew me as the gnc dyke for a good while in my last 2 years of school. Do not spread this shit around to everyone. Nex didn't think they would become a victim, Brianna didn't think she would be one of the unlucky ones, plenty of those we've lost did not think they would die in hate crimes. I almost died in two of the hate crimes I've experienced.

You need to be really fucking careful and although I love than Neopronouns and Xenogenders are becoming more accepted by the larger LGBT community, you need to be very very VERY careful about what you do, what you wear and who you tell what because word spreads fast in suburbia and hate spreads faster. You do not want to be wearing a pin the day some white cishet magat decides he's tired of the "pedophiles" and chooses you as the first victim because you were the first he saw. Don't hide who you are but Be. Fucking. Careful.

[mo-ok]

WOOO rapid fire lets go! would I recommend this Sentai and what caveats would I apply?????

Jakq - No :) *if you enjoy sentai there is definitly something for you here, and it mercifully gets put down after 35 episodes, but i cannot in good faith recommend this one unless you are that special kind of brain rotted*

Battle Fever J - i mean it when i say yes. Theres a lot of good stuff here especially for people that are familiar with/appreciate the sentai formula

Denziman - eeeeeeh i am VERY soft on this show but it DOES struggle through the middle and that hurdle may be a little too big for some

Sun Vulcan - if you enjoy tokusatsu FOR the tokusatsu then yeah watch this one. The robots are beautiful and the fights are brilliant. However if you want literally anything else on your burger then this one is not for you lmao

Goggle V - if you're interested in watching an older sentai this is definitly one i would recommend. If you enjoy it you would probably also dig sun vulcan

Dynaman - this one is fun and easy from start to finish but if you are like my mother and need to audibly eyeroll every time there is ass then tread lightly i genuinly cannot tell if there actually was a heap of ass or if i'm telling on myself because all i remember is the ass LMAO

Bioman - yes watch this one. Watch bioman. You know you want to watch bioman. Be ready for period typical panty shots ig

Changeman - YES. WATCH THIS ONE. PLEASE. PLEASE WATCH CHANGEMAN.

Flashman - once again yes, this one is 100% worth your time. If you liked ToQger you'll dig this one. Inoue's first ever sentai ep is in this season if that means anything to you

Liveman - eeh, if you want that more """mature""" story telling there are others i'd recommend first, but the suits are good and the bad guys sure are a hoot so

Fiveman - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ its good and its enjoyable but imma be honest there isnt much here that you wont also find somewhere else

Dairanger - yeah watch this one, the characters are good the suits are pretty the music slaps, but be ready for it to kinda trip and fall at the end

Kakuranger - very good more comically focused season that according to that one poll is criminally under watched everyone go watch kakuranger right now thank you. For the sake of every friday in california.

Ohranger - watch this one if you like robots. Be prepared for it to be all over the place

Carranger - 100%, beautifully done parody from a place of love and appreciation. Zonette is here

Megaranger - sentai highschool au. If you watched power rangers as a kid this is probably my go to recommendation

Gingaman - yes watch gingaman but also be ready for a slower, generally more "quiet" story, if that makes sense

GoGoV - you gotta watch gogov. You gotta watch gogov. I'm assembling a team to go kill Mondo Tatsumi and i need you to join my cause

Gaoranger - should you watch it?? Yeah. Would i recommend it??? Fuck i dont know man every time i think about gao i take psychic damage

Hurricaneger - 2025 YEAR OF HURRICANEGER WE CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN. WATCH HURRICANEGER its a bl but with ninjas and robots

Magiranger - very easy to recommend, lots to love and enjoy here, you should watch magiranger

Boukenger - please watch boukenger. For Chief. For Sakura. For Daibouken.

Gekiranger - YES watch gekiranger but be ready for the WORST knuckle cracking sounds you've ever heard

Go-Onger - this is literally the best sentai ever please watch it

Goseiger - you should watch this one. Its very good. Very easy to watch. If you enjoy this one you should also watch gingaman. PL EAS E

Kyoryuger - its not very high up for me but theres definitly stuff here to enjoy - personally i'd recommend dino charge instead but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ToQger - PLEASE WATCH TOQGER PLEASE WATCH TOQGER PLEASE WATCH TOQGER

Zyuohger - i enjoyed it but like, you dont have to watch zyuohger if you dont wanna

Kyuranger - very easy to recommend. The suits are beautiful i love the robots i love the music. The fact that there are 5 non-human suit characters in the main cast is 🤌🤌 be prepared for a few of the characters to get left behind tho

Kiramager - personally i think this one would be a great launching point if you're new to the franchise. You should watch kiramager. 🖊🍍🍎🖊

King Ohger - eeeh. Its VERY unique and hard to compare to other sentai. If you can get past the green screen then yeah give it a watch. It suffers a little from the stakes getting a bit too high for their own good but its largely enjoyable

Boonboomger - 100% you should watch boonboom. It was an absolute delight to watch. Pure sentai bliss.

[drdemonprince]

doctor demon prince im in my 5th year of undergrad suffering from functional freeze and Cant Write Papers disease (subtype where i eventually write it 7 months later and its really good for how rushed it is). ive also been doing unmasking work and trying to make progress w my nervous system and my relationships, i still have a long way to go . im going to graduate eventually (who fucking knows when) but with a pretty shit gpa.

Anyway my question is why the fuck do i keep wanting to get a masters degree when i know this setting sucks real bad for me. i love 2 learn but either dont have a handle on my adhd/autistic workflow yet or simply dont have the combination of traits it takes to succeed in academia. and i have student loans. i probably wont be accepted to any masters programs anyway but i dont know what else to do !!!!!!!!!!! 🙃 seeing as this is the transgender autistic grad student website maybe u or some of ur followers have advice for me..... 🫶 ok thank u byeee

I'm sorry to have to say this, but why do you want to go to graduate school? It will drive you deeply into debt, cause you a huge amount of stress, subject you to a wildly inaccessible environment where student neurodivergences are often unfairly cast as signs of laziness and lack of academic potential, and, in a majority of fields, it doesn't lead to improved career prospects (typically, the equivalent amount of time spent working in your chosen profession will get you just as far, if not farther, than a graduate degree).

I don't recommend graduate school to almost anyone. Graduate school was a stigmatizing, exhausting, abusive, exploitative, traumatizing experience for me that left me profoundly socially isolated and physically sick, and trained me in an increasingly irrelevant and scientifically unsound field that basically does nothing but regurgitate neoliberal truisms back to the elites that already believe in them.

Some of the faults I've just listed don't apply to *every* academic field in the world -- but it does apply to most of them!

I think it's important for people to know that Master's degree programs are, by and large, created as a revenue source for universities. Undergraduate enrollment has hit a wall -- there's only so many more people who can go to college, in a world where college has become increasingly obligatory, college pays off professionally far less than it used to, and in times of low unemployment there's very little reason to go to school -- and so the possibility of growing undergraduate enrollment has become more and more thin. This means universities have been unable to turn growing profits for years. And that's what matters to them -- profits.

Left without the revenue source of more college students' tuitions, universities have turned toward courting repeat customers -- duping college graduates who are unhappy with their post-graduate career prospects by investing in even more school. In most Master's degree programs, there are very high fees, very limited financial aid, and very very limited mentorship (compared to, say PhD programs, where shepherding you through the program is at least an advisor's duty).

I've worked in higher ed administration for years now and I've seen how disposable Master's degree students are taken to be -- they're paying for a pricey credential and they get very little out of it, in the end -- in most programs, and most contexts. When we need to fill a budget gap, we create a new Master's program -- without regard for whether it is necessary, and without ever being able to prove it will aid our graduates in getting jobs, or even that the degree will fill a necessary niche.

You can feel free to write back to me if yours is a field where a master's degree is necessary or yields positive career outcomes for a great many people (social work and athletic training come to mind). But even still, I don't think you should subject yourself to a completely inaccessible environment that you are already struggling in and taking on more debt to do so. You deserve better than that. And 99% of graduate programs will not do right by you.

If you'd like to read more about just how exploitative graduate programs generally are, and why, I recommend Karen Kelsky's book The Professor is In, or her blog of the same name:

[blackpilljesus]

As more women decide to not have children or reproduce, a popular talking point is that maIes will rape and kill us all for refusing them. For starters, this says it all about how everyone is fully aware of maIe evil & female oppression. If it was a tiny minority of maIes that are abusive as many pretend, then this wouldn't be the kneejerk response. The idea that maIes will protect us or not hurt us if we comply is a trap. They will hurt women & girls no matter what we do. This is said to shift the blame of their actions from them to women.

One crucial thing to understand is that maIes already mass rape and kill women & girls even when women partner + reproduce with them. Subconsciously we know this given the measures we take to navigate this world. Most times women are killed it's by maIes they know, in many cases it occurs when women want to leave or have left but it also occurs when women are in relationships because if maIes cant find a reason to hurt women they'll create one. They'll accuse women of cheating, bc food wasnt cooked properly, bc she got pregnant, etc. Speaking of which, murder is one of the leading causes of death for pregnant women & its typically done by their partner. MaIes rape women just after they've given birth. It can take months to years for womens bodies to heal but doctors say "6 weeks" as its unexpected that maIes will "wait" longer than that. So obeying doesnt stop maIe violence, it's just an excuse to justify their terrorism. There is no reforming the system nor is there getting by peacefully so long as we do what maIes want because their intention is destruction no matter what. MaIes lied & claimed women will be protected but it's slavery. MaIes dont protect women and neither does the system so dont buy their threat.

There are several cases where maIes have raped & killed women despite having a partner and children. Wayne couzens had a wife & kids yet still raped & killed Sarah Everard, lewis haines killed Lily Sullivan despite having a wife and child. The toybox killer, and ted bundy had partners yet they still raped & killed other women. Many maIes who rape prostituted women have wives & kids at home. This takes me to my next point: terrorists are never content. It doesnt matter how much you give bc all they want to do is take. They want to constantly reaffirm their beliefs, security, and entitlement to the world so they'll keep causing havoc no matter how much you obey. There's a reason why developed nations do not pay ransoms nor do they negotiate with terrorists in many cases because when you give into these peoples demands they do not go away. It may keep them at bay for a bit but they will only return with bigger demands and will be willing to cause more harm and damage. The same thing applies to maIes & their terrorism. Giving in wont stop their violence or change them. At first short term they're kept at bay (if theres other women they abuse in their vicinity) but long term it wont work. Women have loved, served, fucked, provided labour, reproduced with, and birthed maIes for millenias. Women have given everything to maIes and what did they get in return? More violence, more demands, more destruction we're all familiar with this. No amount of submission has changed maIes for the better.

What's actually dangerous is women trusting + living around maIes, we're expected to just rely on how they wont hurt women but believe me maIes gain a power trip from the strength differences between the sexes. Even if they dont actively hurt women, the threat lingering in the air alone is a power they enjoy. So dont be paralysed with fear or think our refusal to interact with maIes is a cause for their violence. I wont deny that it's scary but this isn't just about us. It's about the future, the world our offspring are coming to. Assuming maIes get everything they want, it'll never be enough they'll keep plundering for more so at some point we need to put our foot down regardless of the cost.

I want to conclude this by recommending reading this post. The key point is

Opting out is for the select few who want to do nothing with heterosexual nonsense even if the price of doing so is death because partaking in their drivel is death, physical and spiritual, and if they really did care about distancing themselves from it all that much they would know that death is the least you will be willing to put up with.

I've noticed that most women who bring up the possibility of maIe retaliation are still seeking relationships with maIes in their lives so this seems more like another excuse in the end. The concern for maIe retaliation is real, especially among newer separatists, 4B, wgtow etc but the seasoned ones realise it doesnt matter and if deəth is what it takes to not be associated with maIes and their systems then so be it. Hell even the average woman would take another option or death if they were pre-faced with a situation where they have to be around maIes but there's no other woman to occupy them. You might wonder what the point is as the outlook is bleak; which is what the final part of this series of posts regarding the popularity of single childfree women is about - legacy & steering life with purpose.

Part 1

Part 2

This post is part 3.

[bulbabutt]

apologies for another crazy vent. i feel weird being such a between gen of internet users. like im not old enough for the real peak forum days, but im too old to deal with half the shit people expect outta you now.

you wont catch me w a dni list cuz im a fuckin adult so if people piss me off when they rb my shit i just block them OR if a post gets outta hand i will simply turn off rbs.

take your twitter bullshit outta here. that concept did not EXIST 12 years ago. and when it started everyone knew it was really weird. cuz like..... nah man its everyones internet? the internet is public. if you post on a public forum people will just interact with you as that is what you do in public. why do people need to like.... look through your whole shit? and vice versa? thats some surveillance state shit... like tbh i remember 'before you follows' being weird enough, so this is so much weirder.

like the concept of like. 'hey im gonna make art but if you like it you better not have any of the following apply' or 'im going to need your entire history of making art before i decide if its okay to like this'

like bruh. your followers aren't your friends. your audience is not your friends. people who see your posts in a tag dont need to know you. youre not going in to business with strangers. its just..... people who see you on the street in passing and throw a coin in your guitar case, yknow what i mean? you dont need to know anything else about them, theyre just saying 'hey nice!'

like imagine if every time you went to a coffee place you told a barista 'you better not have a foot fetish' like. okay i mean. youre nuts. you are fully nuts. why would it matter, you are going there for COFFEE....... what does the interpersonal desires of a stranger fucking matter?

idk its weird to try and normalize that behaviour. it really disgusts me that this is how people speak about each other. hyping up their 'moral compasses' while painting strangers with monstrous labels and getting them hurt. it sounds so fucking puritanical. like literal puritans. 'PURGE THE DEGENERATES!'

like i do understand wanting people not to make you uncomfortable by misreading something you do, i fully get the desire. but the way people go about handling it is so fucking WEIRD.... all on the defensive 'are you a this or a that, i need all the details about you or else i will harass you and tell everyone your inner most demons' i am. a person. on the internet just posting shit. can i help you? i dont fucking know you??

like why not, idk, save the 'dont interact with me' until someone actually does something to cause you harm? where in that case the 'dont interact' is called blocking people. what the hell are we doing? youre in public? and youre screaming as if the person playing guitar is trying to kill as you walk past because you snooped into their purse and found drugs or some shit. wheres the etiquette?

but then thats the point. its not there as a warning, its a label you have to put on yourself to save yourself from being perceived as something evil.

some people act like every person who doesnt wear a specific badge is literally a serial killer and i really cant stand this culture at all. fucking LOOK AROUND right now. where this kind of culture leads. this is getting so dangerous.

but i guess saying all this is just gonna get me labelled something anyway. cuz everyone gets painted the same. no little nuances of humanity. just righteous good people who are wholesome and the rest are evil doers. sigh.

fascism is on the rise world wide. dunno what else to say.

[444darlin]

Healing from BPD symptoms is weird and slow and confusing. Bf has moments where hes like "its one of those days where i feel kinda overwhelmed so i might not text much today" which is fine. Like first of all you communicated it to me so it killed off 70% of the doubts and anxiety that would have been created had you not.

Hes shown me a steady pattern of everyday when he feels like this, he communicates it with me, has a day by himself, then usually texts me before bed hoping my day was good.

My BPD wants to fight it so hard and text him so much while hes trying to have alone time. It is so insecure and just wants to be like "hey hope youre okay!" But im telling my BPD that its not what he needs right now, it probably wont help, and he specifically requested that he preferred to be alone today. I gotta respect that and my BPD and the insecurities that come with that cant interfere and make him feel guilty for being away. Nah, thats ridiculous. And sometimes i need my alone time too where i dont feel like talking to anyone, so logically there should be no reason for me to expect different standards from anyone else.

If i request to be alone then i expect people to respect my preference, and he ought to get that too without my BPD trying to grasp at every clue that he still cares about me. He does. Calm down. Hes getting alone time JUST LIKE YOU ALSO DO sometimes.

For me BPD can become so engulfing that its almost impossible to step back and SEE your actions, the cause and effect, see the process of what triggered this and what happened after that, so i think me being able to step back and apply the golden rule to something that i normally would apply the black and white rule to - means that im definitely learning some things and how to navigate things.

Having people in your life that ACTUALLY mean what they say, do what they say they will, and are available to you i think is the major key to being able to step outside of the chaos of BPD cuz its straight up fucking isolating in our brains and it helps tremendously to have other brains to depend on.

Tldr; i learned a thingie about my bpd

[cosmossystem]

on the topic of "sysmeds* have gotten louder recently" i just want to ramble and give my optimist perspective on it really because i dont think its the full story. (*and if you have a problem with me using that term, stick around and youll see why i use it.)

for context i formed as a fictive alter in about mid to late 2016. we were going through a lot of rapid splits and shutdowns at this time. many of the people who split would get forcibly dormant just days later, including me, and im lucky that i got out of it because i know a lot of those alters back then didnt. normally i wouldnt call all of us alters, but this was a very trauma-heavy time and we were going through heavily fragmented periods with dissociation and amnesia. we couldnt accept that we were plural.

anyway, point is that we were in plural spaces around then, and i took over as the host in december of that year as i broke up with my shitty in-system persecutor boyfriend (thats a story for a different day.)

so its 2017 and im 12, turning 13 soon, both inner and outer. we are a rapidly growing system of 13, no 20, no 41-- and then soon its back down to about 30, where it will stay for the next 8 years. but in the mean time, me and my new partner, jam, are learning to pilot a flesh-mech on the fly and letting ourselves be cringy tweenagers. we take over the tumblr blogs (most of which are anti-cgl blogs, which is very ironic considering some of our members now do that) and we start journalling. more importantly, in late 2017 i make my own blog and i start chatting. im basically the only person fronting about 70% of the time and im a huge yapper so it starts to take off.

i post art. i wont say what specifically i do or what fandom its for but the gist is that i run a requests blog. (im sure, if you were in a very specific sect of fandom around then, you could probably guess who i am and what blog i ran, but i doubt that will happen here. if it does, keep it to yourself.)

and i get really popular. im talkin hundreds, at one point thousands of followers. i wake up every day to a dozen asks and i fulfill them and i talk about my day with the people in my askbox. i tell them about my disability, about my boyfriends (later, husbands), and i tell them about my plurality. sometimes i get into the weeds of discourse, but i try not to. mind you, im about 13 or 14 and im the staunchest pro-queer, pro-endo, pro-tucute tween you would have ever met. still not quite all there on the pro-kink or pro-ship fronts, but that didnt cause me any issues at that point, and i wouldnt figure it out for another two or so years. anyway, people are usually nice to me and i am nice, if not a bit impassioned, back.

most of the people i speak to on this blog are singlets. but being that this particular fandom is mostly made of younger people like me (at this point anyway) many of them are curious about plurality or plural themselves. funny enough, while i remember discussing a lot of my plurality and explaining what it meant, i dont recall a whole lot of people arguing over it. no one ever sent me anon hate saying that i didnt exist and that didosddsdosod was the only way to be plural. i DO recall getting dogpiled on numerous occasions because this was during the height of ace discourse, mogai drama, and right at the rise of the whole "bi-lesbians-dont-exist" thing, so most of my controversy covered those.

but on several occasions i explained to singlets what a system was, and what it meant that i was "married" to my headmates, and i met so many people who said they were also plural, and i even helped a few realize they were plural. i truly look at that with a sense of pride and joy because how many people get to say they helped someone realize an important aspect of themself/ves? how many people are out there living their life as single when theyre actually more than one? how many didnt know that word existed until a stranger happily explained it to them, before realizing that word applied to them? its one thing to be gay and know youre gay, its another to go your entire life without realizing that being gay is an option until one day it dawns on you and the next youre out and proud. being plural is like that. its world-altering. most dont realize its an option until theyre told.

its not necessarily that system spaces didnt have their problems. from singlets, there was more curiosity. system spaces were still very much divided, but for the most part sysmeds stuck to their corner and mostly only argued when argued with. that word, mind you, did not exist at the time, we just called em "anti endos". i dont remember when or how that term was coined, but theres a good reason we call them that now, and its because they would say the same shit to me that transmeds would. regardless, i dont doubt that there were probably issues of them going out of their way to harass people, but i cant recall any and it never happened to us, so make of that what you will.

in those times, i experienced more transphobia, homophobia, and aphobia than i did anything else. when i did see sysmeds, it was in their own little bubble. i think the broader world didnt care so much about plurality and didnt know that sysmedicalism was a thing that could happen until maybe a couple of years ago now, and back then, it was treated purely with curiosity and intrigue instead of hate.

but "system spaces" have always had an anti-endo side, and i know this because i was one.

i havent said as much up until now, but in those early days of journaling, it was maybe for a year or so that we were anti-endo. couldnt tell you what changed really, but i think it was just a growing exhaustion of hearing about how terrible and awful and cruel and disgusting those evil, evil endos were. a lot of sysmeds like to proclaim their 'one true real genuine method' of being plural is the only one, and since the start we were never going to fit into that mold-- we were and are fictive heavy, in-system relationships, able to change forms in headspace, no dissociative amnesia, very little memory loss and practically no multi-consciousness, the works. but it was there and it wasnt very pretty. i am grateful i didnt internalize too much of it, didnt spread it very much, and we got out when we did because it was toxic enough back then and its worse now.

i should say that i dont think necessarily there is a rise in sysmedicalism similar to, say, the trend of label policing (a la bi lesbians) or ace discourse at its peak. while that does happen with minority labels when theyre suddenly thrust into the spotlight of the week, plurality has not had that moment yet (thank god, knock on wood it never does) and so far the only way this has happened is with a few isolated incidents that i know of, maybe im wrong. but i think its moreso that the plural community has grown to crazy heights with the rise of more people discovering it and understanding themselves, and naturally there would be a proportional rise in sysmedicalism too. the only main difference maybe is now that we have bigger platforms like tiktok and twitter, and we have prominent plural resources like pluralkit and simply plural, and with the rise in political unrest-- all of those things contribute to this rise in sysmedicalism. they have more visibility and a loud voice despite being the minority, and so they get their fifteen seconds of fame.

i guess i get it. theyre angry. theyre upset that the world is injust. they think theyre allowed-- encouraged, even, or that its their right-- to come into a community that has been building itself for the past several decades on inclusion and resource-sharing and cause a commotion. they have a disorder, they have trauma, they DESERVE to be listened to and they dont want to see their very debilitating disorder being mocked like this, or whatever it is they say. unfortunately they are the terfs of this community, and i can say that because ive been dealing with those too for the past decade also.

what im trying to get across is this: plurals have existed forever. this community has existed for decades at this point, maybe centuries. with every progressive movement there will be a counter-movement, and this one is no exception, they just happen to be particularly loud right now. as we grow in numbers, so does our visibility, and so does theirs. the plural community is fine. it continue to be fine. there is nothing happening right now to us that hasnt already happened a billion times before, and there is no sysmedicalist piece of shit on this planet that can destroy us. theyve been trying for as long as weve existed and they never succeed. keep going, keep telling people about us, keep existing and keep doing your best. be louder than them.

red

[skunkes]

i know this is a very personal question, so feel free to ignore this one if youd prefer. but happened that youve been referring to recently for causing you to lose hope in your future? im only asking as someone who related to a lot of your struggles with trying to move out and become independent from unsupportive parents but was able to squeak my way out and want to give input if possible, but if its not my place to ask i understand! either way, im hoping the best for you always.

id avoided talking abt it in depth before the bad news bc i was afraid id get Bad Energy sent my way but i guess it didnt matter anyway LOL

IN THE SHORTEST OF TERMS: i was passed on for a jawb.

now i know that this isn't uncommon. im finding it hard to tell people about it without embarrassment because well, duh, being rejected is a common thing for job hunting. even qualified people are having trouble. "ive applied to 100 jobs and not gotten any interviews" etc etc.

the heartbreak comes from it being an opportunity where I had everything going for me. not only did it sound like a perfect and doable job for cheye which is already insanely difficult, had good benefits and environment, but my friend also works there and she put in a good word for me to her higher up, who then put in a good word for me to HER higher up. her usual work stories had me feeling confident about potential interviews and who i'd be working with and potentially interviewed by. they have someone working a similar position who also had 0 relevant degrees/experience. there were no other applicants. navigating this new life would have been so much more doable with my friend in the same immediate environment. etc. i didnt even make it to the first round. which sucks bc i know I could have won them over with my personality had i made it there.

if i bombed so badly with all this extra extra help then what hope is there for me in any other scenario. even if i did manage to find something else and get hired it'd be way harder for me to show up to an interview (friend was gonna take me if it happened), or be confident in my moving out (what if i hate any other workplace and have to quit and move back immediately or something, proving my parents who dont even want me to escape right lmfao), or anything.

honestly im kind of relieved because every day i was back and forth on what id do if i did get hired. the burden (on everyone) of moving out and furnishing my life.

but at the same time it is now unendingly hitting me because the thought of making it out was the only thing keeping me going, closest ive ever gotten to anything as someone with 0 prospects. now im very very aware of what i dislike about living here as i continue to live it ykwim. and very aware about my path to T being cut off once more. aware of the health issues i wont be getting fixed any time soon. the art i have to get out despite general fatigue + exhaustion to keep the insurance i do have. the life i wont be living even if i so badly still fear it.

worst part is that dis hasnt changed anything lol im still not going back to college or looking into certs or careers or even trying to get good enough at driving to be able to drive out of town by myself to visit friends or be alone for a bit or anything. i dont want anything that badly. i dont want anything at all. so i cannot complain. alas.

[ohnomos]

this might sound really weird but like... whats your shaving technique? you always look so smooth and im jealous ><

so like my skin reacts extemeley strongly and i usually have historically had a lot of bad ingrown hairs so this means a lot to me. it took me a long time to be able to shave without having hprrible reactions.

a. I had to learn the hair patterns and how different patches react differently: i use an electric shaver on the inner thighs and my pelvis /upper crotch area. my hair is dense and coarse and especially prone to ingrowns here, so i cant get a super clean shave as i would with a razor, but electric shaver gets close and if the whole area is uniform people wont notice. even if i use a clean fresh pristine razor on some parts of my inner thighs and am super careful (NEVER SHAVE AGAINST THE GRAIN) it will always trigger ingrowns there. same with my booty cheeks. however my labia/vagina never get ingrowns so i use razor there and it gets super smooth. when usijg a razor on sensitive bits use a fresh new one, do short small motions with the hair, rinse off the razor btwn every swipe.

b. i use TendSkin solution its in a dark blue bottle and i just squirt the liquid into my hand and pat it on all over after showering, and dry it b4 putting any clothes on. usu after shaving and also randomly throughout the week. I also have a random ingrown hair care gel that i apply onto existing ingrowns. dont put lotion on sensitive ignrown prone areas bc it can clog the pores i think

c. handle the area with extreme care - i try to pat dry (not rub) my inner thighs/genitals/butt with a fresh clean smaller towel even if i reuse my body towel i try to keep the area from dirt and stuff that causes ingrowns

d. i wear small thong or no panties at all after shaving to let the area breathe (i am a night showerer) bc skintight clothes can irritate the skin

despite everything i do still get ingrowns but a lot less than i used to. love you

[sigmxnd]

okay im very nosy and i wanna know the lore :d

there were lotsa questions so i picked some i thought looked fun from that one rb !!

and if any of these don't interest u or dont apply u can skip em :33

---

Who does your OC love? (platonic) :3

Who does your OC love? (familial)

Does your OC love anyone? (romantic)

What is the worst thing your OC does in their story?

Is there a canon character that your OC needs to ask forgiveness towards?

Is there a canon character your OC needs to forgive?

Is there anyone who your OC would die for, or a canon character who would die for your OC?

Which canon character does your OC not respect at all? Why?

Who would your OC most likely to get a puppy-crush on? (but it can't be the cc they're actually shipped with!)

Who has your OC made cry?

Is there someone your OC didn't like at first, but then got along with later?

Which canon character doesn't respect your OC whatsoever?

Which canon character does your OC respect a lot?

---

(if i missed any u wanted to answer u can throw those in i wont tell :3)

the first 3 i answered for all of them here :3

worst thing done in their story?

Sleepy - (first one wasn't alwayd her doing [one was an accident], but she's made herself think it was/was convinced for a long time that it was) tie between murder and marrying a highly dangerous individual

Sigmund - got with Duncan

Leo - gotten into physical fights (he's won every one though)

Aaron - extreme eavesdropper. he gossips so much. #1 drama spreader

Pebble - got with gnarly

Malcom - gay and won't admit it (/j he's just a bully 💀💀 probably a step higher than vic but still not as bad as henry or patrick)

~

canon character that someone needs to beg for forgiveness towards?

Sleepy - not anyone alive, she'd have to have an emotional moment or 5 through her dreams

Sigmund - not that he can remember

Leo - he apologizes to everyone immediately even if he hardly did anything, so probably not (except for the people in the aforementioned fights lmao)

Aaron - probably, but he's not going to

Pebble - the smiling friends, but it's not his fault that his boyfriend and his boyfriends boyfriend are like that

Malcom - most definitely, but he's not going to

~

canon character someone needs to forgive?

Sleepy - no, cause she's forgiven nearly everyone if they didn't do something really bad to her, and her ass is NOT gonna forgive demons

Sigmund - not needs to, there's no one he's required to forgive

Leo - see above

Aaron - see above

Pebble - i don't think so

Malcom - yes, but it's complicated

~

would anyone die for them? would they die for anyone?

Sleepy - yes, her wife + family, and yes, everyone she cares about

Sigmund - maybe (it depends on what the death is) and yes, friends

Leo - yes, everyone he cares about, and yes, same answer

Aaron - yes, friends, and depends on who it its

Malcom - probably (he can't say for sure), and yes, his boyfriends

~

canon character someone does not respect?

Sleepy - too many to list, for too many reasons

Sigmund - chris mcclean, self explanatory

Leo - chris mcclean

Aaron - chris mcclean and most of the roti cast (they piss him off)

Pebble - he won't say it to his face, but grim. just a little bit

Malcom - the entirety of the losers and butch bowers, you get the idea

~

anyone they're likely to get a puppy-crush on?

Sleepy - avril lavigne. yes she exists in her universe

Sigmund - shawn, he'd ask him SO many questions and listen with all the attention he could muster

Leo - jasmine, idk i just think he'd find her really cool lmao

Aaron - he's always wanted to meet izzy. study her mind and all that

Pebble - probably charlie, he strives to be that chill

Malcom - idk. if he was sane in the modern day then probably kesha

~

who has made them cry?

Sleepy - a lot of people 💀💀

Sigmund - chris mcclean, probably heather, probably duncan too

Leo - chris mcclean, probably also heather

Aaron - chris mcclean. besides that nobody has good enough insults or mental torture that challenges the weight that chris has

Pebble - also a lot of people 💀💀

Malcom - his boyfriends. he won't tell anyone about it though

~

anyone they didn't like at first, but liked later?

Sleepy - ivy (ppgz), though it wasn't necessarily her, it was the association between her body and the demon that possessed her

Sigmund - noah. he didn't like his sassy quips at first, but eventually he found them funny

Leo - nobody really, he kinda liked everyone immediately (except for heather)

Aaron - scott lmao

Pebble - no one, he was just kinda indifferent about everybody?

Malcom - henry mostly, but he was hostile towards everyone

~

who doesn't respect them under any circumstances?

Sleepy - sarah is OUT for her 😭😭

Sigmund - heather and probably a few others

Leo - heather

Aaron - anne maria

Pebble - grim, but he pretends to because of gnarly

Malcom - the losers

~

who do they respect a lot?

Sleepy - her younger sister Sigmund (yes it gets confusing), and Pebble. "they're tougher than they look" (a quote from her)

Sigmund - Aaron. "he can take a punch, but damn can he swing on someone too"

Leo - Sleepy. "she's reserved, but very calm and protective"

Aaron - Sleepy. "i dunno she's cool. like the second mom i never had"

Pebble - Sleepy. "we share a lot more in common than i thought. and not to brag or anything, but she said i'm her favorite :]" (he did not actually say "colon bracket" for that)

Malcom - Sleepy. "she's big and scary. i mean not to me, but to a dumb [flag] definitely. we could use her on our side, if she wasn't, y'know, a girl" (he asked to be censored)

~

(my choices time :3) does anyone say someone is their best friend? who would they call their best friend?

Sleepy - she'd say Ornery and Sentra (and their respective canon hosts) are her longest standing (alive) best friends, and they'd probably say the same for her. also her WIFE💍😝✨️💥💥

Sigmund - Leo, Aaron, Cinn, Zeke, Mike, and Pebble are his best friends, and they'd all say the same (he leaves out duncan and scott on purpose to be an ass lmao)

Leo - Sigmund, Aaron, Cinn, Zeke, Mike, Duncan, Scott, Pebble, and Sleepy (he would include Malcom, but he's never been able to get close to him. both in an emotional and literal sense)

Aaron - Sigmund, Leo, Cinn, Zeke, Mike, Duncan, Pebble, and Sleepy (he leaves out scott for the same reason as sig)

Pebble - Sigmund, Leo, Aaron, Gnarly, Sleepy, and Malcom (everyone cannot figure out why pebble is the only one who can get close enough to him [its because they share some experiences and pebble is probably the best with feelings out of all of them])

Malcom - he doesn't HAVE "best friends." what is he, a child (but he would consider pebble to be the least threatening out of all of them, so it's kind of a friend thing? friends and friend feelings are hard for him)

~

which canon character is pissed off by the general presence of them?

Sleepy - too many people 💀💀

Sigmund - heather

Leo - heather

Aaron - anne maria

Pebble - mr. boss, funny enough (pebble is unaware of this)

Malcom - any authority figure

~

how do the partners feel about each oc? how do the others feel about each others partner? (YIPPEE I GET TO LIST THEIR BOYFRIEND/WIFE'S OPINIONS)

Sleepy - "duncan is annoying at best, at worst i don't wanna know. ezekiel is nice, he says hi when he sees me and stuff, seems like a sweet guy. treats leo as good as the guy treats him. scott is somehow more annoying than duncan. gnarly i was wary of, but he's good with peb, so he's fine to me. he leaves me alone most of the time, which i appreciate. and, uh.. malcom has more than one partner? i've seen one, and he was fine i guess, but apparently there's more. cass says they're a fucking pain, so that's about all i have to go off of."

Sigmund - "i haven't seen much of cassandra, but she seems to be on the same level as sleepy. just kinda chill, doesn't give fucks or take shits. ezekiel is about the best guy in the world, just a little.. what's the word. misguided, sometimes. but i've known him for a while, so maybe i'm biased. scott can be a little shit, but he's more manageable when aaron's with him. gnarly i've hardly ever seen, but he kinda looks like the reddit freaks they tell you to look out for in high school, or they'll like, hate crime you. pebble says he's okay though, so i trust him. i've seen one glimpse of malcom's partners, and they looked WILD, but i guess when you come right out the 80's to the 2020's, you kinda get your shit rocked. i didn't talk to eli, but i liked his jewelry. they're bullies, right? awesome, i hope they make duncan shave that goddamn unibrow. or maybe they'll do it for him, that'll be even better."

Leo - "cassandra i've seen a few times, very intimidating at first, definitely has a dark past. but she's nice to us, which i like. duncan i'm used to by now, even if he can be kinda annoying sometimes. he seems to be more chill when he's with all of us combined. scott hasn't been much of a pain to me specifically, but he targets sig a lot, and has lots of banter with aaron, and i try not to laugh at every horrible insult they throw back and forth at each other. gnarly looks like he'd ask me if i want some crack out of his trenchcoat, which would make me uncomfortable, if he wasn't a giant dweeb. in a positive way. i've only ever seen one one of malcom's partners one time, and it was the same day we found out he'd showed up. eli, i think his name is? didn't talk to him, but he seemed about the same as malcom, whatever that is. i know there's a group, but from what i heard, i'm okay with not meeting the rest."

Aaron - "cassandra's cool, she recommends music to me. duncan is like my boyfriend, which can piss me off sometimes. zeke is cool, he got me my earbuds for my birthday. gnarly looks like he'd call me a slur, but pebble says he's nice. i dunno, i'd have to wait and see if that's true. malcom's partners have never come out of their room, except for one, but i hardly percieved him. i don't think the rest are real, with how much malcom hides them, and how ridiculous they sound."

Pebble - "cassandra is super nice, she and sleepy helped me get settled in on my first day of getting into the space. her and sleepy have a lot of history together, and it shows. duncan used to pick on me, but he doesn't anymore, so he's okay. ezekiel is so incredibly sweet, him and leo are perfect for each other. scott also picks on me, and he's stopped doing it as much, but it still happens sometimes. he's like a 4/10 in my mind. i think i'm the only one that's actually seen malcom's other partners? two of them, at least. i met him at the door that connects our rooms one time, and two of them locked eyes with me. it was kinda creepy. malcom tells me stuff about them when nobody's paying attention, and they're very on and off. usually on with him, though. overall more 5/10, since i haven't had any firsthand experiences with them. but malcom says he doesn't want me to have any."

Malcom - "i don't care about their stupid boyfriends. and i wish they would stop saying the gang are my "partners," i'm not gay. the weird blue one is the only one that gets that."

~

Cassandra - "i can hardly stand any of them, except for ezekiel."

Duncan - "cassandra scares me, but you better not tell anyone i said that. zeke is okay i guess, but i couldn't have guessed he was a gay until leo came around. i don't care if that was a long time ago, it still surprises me. scott is pretty funny. gnarly is fucking awesome, i don't know how people can't like him. the gay little gang of weirdos threatened me once, and i would've taken them easily, but cassandra threatened to beat the shit out of all of us, so nothing happened. they do not take her seriously at all, and it's hysterical to watch. i can't laugh though, but it's whatever."

Ezekiel - "cassandra is real nice, eh. she always lets me leave the room before she gets all loud and scary. duncan and scott are just okay, i don't talk to them much. gnarly gives me weird looks, but i try to ignore them. that little group is straight up freaky though, they told me they'd skin the "giant rat on my head" if i didn't leave them alone. i didn't even have rats on my head when they said that! and i do leave them alone, eh! but they still come around and pull wicked knives on me! not cool."

Scott - "everyone in there is either annoying, bearable, or cassandra. she's creepy, not just when she gets obnoxiously loud. she told me she wished she had her "precious metal babe" with her sometimes, and i've spent enough time with pappy to know what she means by that. the traveling circus of knife wielders fits into the annoying category, i just don't show my shark tooth to them in case they try and steal it. i could take 'em, easy."

Gnarly - "the guys are okay, cassandra is whatever. those little boys are nails on a fuckin' chalkboard, though."

Henry - "i don't give a shit about those stupid [flaggots]." (he was censored against his will)

Patrick said the same thing as Henry.

Victor didn't respond.

"Belch" - "i'unno, whatever henry said."

[jury's still out for Eli]

[theygotlost]

ohhhhhh my god guys I gotta give you an update but i need to explain my entire job history for the past year first cause its a little confusing uh.

so feb-may I did this internship at this real estate digital marketing firm and I was just making social media graphics there. just instagram stories and shit. and it was boring as hell but I needed to find a job cause I was graduating, and I was hoping they would hire me but they didnt have the space for a new full time employee at the time so... that was a bust.

in june and july I was applying to jobs foreverrrrr and getting nowhere so I said fuck it i need SOMETHING to hold me over, so I started working in the print department at staples as you are all well aware. at least it would be relevant enough to put on my resume cause I do want to make print graphics right? so its something.

then like 6 weeks ago my manager from the internship reached out to me and said she wanted to take me back part time after all. so for the past month and a half I've been working 2 part time jobs, one at staples and one at this marketing office doing the exact same fuckass ig stories as before. i wont lie its been exhausting and unsustainable so I was still applying for other full time design jobs cause I had no idea how long I could keep this up.

about 3 weeks ago I got an interview for one of those jobs I applied for and they explained that they were actually looking for a senior designer which obviously im not qualified for, but they liked my portfolio enough that they wanted to consider CREATING a junior designer role for me which was CRAZYYY to hear... it's a hawaiian bbq restaurant chain and I'm definitely wayyy more interested in designing for food and beverage stuff than real estate, plus a few other aspects about the job sounded really appealing to me and the interview went great so I was really hoping to get that job. but then I didn't hear back and Im so desensitized to getting ghosted after interviews i stopped getting my hopes up a long time ago.

a week and a half ago management at my real estate job told me that they were finally ready to bring me on full time, and since it didnt seem like I had any other prospects I wasnt really in a position to turn it down, so I immediately accepted and put in my 2 weeks at staples. this saturday will hopefully be the last day i ever have to work retail forever. I didnt make any announcement here when I found out because its honestly been making me depressed thinking about doing nothing but making fuckass instagram stories for ugly real estate companies 40 hours a week and people congratulating me on it would just make me more depressed. I wasn't supposed to start full time there until the monday after thanksgiving so ive still been doing my double part time grind.

but then......

whats that....???

THE HAWAIIAN BBQ RESTAURANT ENTERS WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!!!!

after weeks of no response the hr guy finally gave me a call just now to tell me I GOT THE JOB?!??! i genuinely honestly did not think they were gonna give me an offer and was just gonna move on with my life 😭 so now im gonna have to walk into my office tomorrow morning and say SIKE!!! and theyre all gonna be so mad at meeeee but this is genuinely such a better position for me I didnt think this was gonna happen for another year at least....

tldr I thought i was gonna be stuck with a job i dont like but I ended up getting the job I want!!!!!!!!

[gelataisa]

I'm not delusional, right? When I read other people's thoughts about Squalo and xanxus's ship, they say that it is not real 🫠, and if it was real , it would be one-sided, which are Squalo's feelings🥲, and it is just a relationship between Boss and his captain, who admires his ambition, but I feel that it is illogical if that is the case? There is something beautiful, but they ruin it, but if what is between them is not real, especially xanxus’s feelings for Squalo, this will not become beautiful, but rather a nightmare. Squalo’s interest is clear, but xanxus does not, and this is what makes me not sleep, and what do you think about xanxus’s feelings for Squalo? I don't want to be delusional lol.

I want something that eliminates my doubts so I can live in peace😔helppp

My dearest anon, finally I have the time to answer you. This ask has not left my mind since you sent it, im sorry it took so long.

At the same time though, I am glad it took so long cause i can answer you calmly.

Your ask really angered me. And dont get the wrong idea, none of that anger was directed at you.

There are many layers of wrong in what you reported on your ask, and i'll try to adress them properly. Under the cut cause its gonna be long (and i hope i wont bore you) - i will answer your direct question in the last point, in case you want to go straight to the point. But for real, there is much to unpack here.

We have people bashing you for a ship that you really like, to the point you think that you are delusional. And that is fucking nuts. Every ship is legit. Every single crack pair and rare pair is legit. Cause we are all losers who spend their time thinking about puppets kissing. There is no higher ground to stand on. And this applies to ships that we see no fucking point in as well. And i am not saying this as a person that loves any ship. I am the pickiest shipper ever. And i am not a good person either, there are many ships which i loathe. Yet, i have the decency not to go to the people who ship such ships. If i complain it is privately and with the right people. If i dont like a thing i block (and i have blocked people because of what they ship). Everyone has the right to see only the stuff they want. No one has the right to make others feel bad for the stuff they like.

Personally, i firmly believe that there are ships and ships. And I hope i was not too italian saying that. the point is: i think some ships are basically written in the source material. That is to say, regardless of whether you pair the people romantically or not, the dynamic is deep, complex and (especially) apparent. You dont need to add much of your own to make it work. Other ships, on the other hand, need more work to be "justified", to gain substance. They may require filling in a lot of gaps, or looking at details scattered in the story. Now, both kind of ships have their own dignity (as per point 1), we dont get to choose the things we like. Still, i believe that at the same time we allow anyone to enjoy their thing while we enjoy ours, we need to also realise that some ships have more substance in the source material than others.

I know that the first two points may seem unrelated to what you asked, but i needed them for now. ive heard many the complains you have mentioned in your ask. and they angered me particularly cause usually they are brought up by people that try bring forward their own ships, and that know to do so only by bringing "competitor" ships down. I know you have not explicitly said so, but i believe its whats going on in this case, and it makes me incredibly angry and - honestly - sad. I believe that people that do this realise their ships are not as solid as XS (or some other ship) is (back to point 2), so they bash on it to advance their own. This is what angers me. Now, what makes me sad is that while doing this they also terribly mischaracterise the characters to the point they are not themselves anymore. Indeed, what a pity

Now, about XS: most of what i think of them i have said here. And about Xanxus, as you asked... one thing is clear: people that say that he does not care about Squalo have not spared one thought for him. And if they have, I am sorry, but they have not understood a thing about him. Xanxus is a very complex character. His most apparent trait, once you read the manga, is that his actions most of the times dont reflect his thoughts. and what he thinks is masked, and very well so. he was raised with the pressure of expectations, and hardened a lot because of it. he wasnt allowed to show any weakness, or maybe it was just himself who got convinced of it. but any feeling he has, apart from his anger, he suppresses. it took him one whole arc to express his motivations (and i dont even remember how much of his past was revealed to the cast) and to show emotional weakness. it took him 10+ years to defend his family and show he cares, and even then, he still didnt admit that he accepted Tsuna as tenth. after 10 years. How could anyone expect him to show love for someone? Or that he cares for anyone? That is the only gap you need to fill in XS, a gap named "Xanxus Vongola and his multiple issues".

To conclude, my dearest anon... you are right to say that there is something beautiful. Dont let anyone ruin it for you. And especially, surround yourself with people who share your interests and dont even look at those that try to bring you down instead. You deserve better than that.

And i know im not the best one in interactions, whether it is answering asks or messages or else (thanks anxiety and constant exhaustion) but i truly am glad when people interact about xs. You are more than welcome in my inbox, or if youll ever want to add to my posts and reblogs. to build a xs community is my dream on here, i hope ill have the energy to do so

[foxdies]

What's got your financial situation so shitty?

ill answer this publicly just in case anyone also sees my Cry Posts and wonders why i make them so often:

im disabled and cant work, but the process to get on disability takes for fucking ever. my dad is on ssdi and gets a little over 1200 a month to live off. 700 of that goes to rent, the rest to bills. we don't even have cable tv or anything like that cause we simply cannot afford it. it used to not be so bad when i was 18 and under because the state gave me 500 a month but im 27, its not been like that for a long time now, and they dont give me anything. nothing for foodshare. i'm on a thing called FA but they pay me 180 dollars every two weeks. thats 360 a month which is fucking nothing.

i have a disorder called POTS, its one of my biggest physical problems (along with GERD, RLS, and neuropathic pain in my shoulders, legs, and hips; i think i have sciatica. i think i probably also have IBS or some kind of internal stomach and digestive issue), and its very difficult to treat. afaik there are no surgeries or medication you can really do to treat it. its something that can happen to anyone and usually "triggers" from another illness, in my case i got an ear infection after my dad got an ear infection. i was 16 and then my life completely changed lmao.

you would think having this somewhat rare autoimmune disorder would make it easier to get on disability but nope. for years they would not let me apply online (i dont know why) and we have no vehicle so i couldnt get down to the office to apply. finally this year it let me apply online, but that was in june and i still havent heard anything back. now that they have my info on record it wont be as hard to re-apply but its still going to take a while bc only recently did a specialist who handles POTS move to my area. before the nearest specialist was 3 hours away and im not joking

but anyway. its the cost of living paired with our extremely low income. we get 200 dollars a month for two people for food, so 100 for me and 100 for my dad, which is not enough in the current climate to survive in.

ive contacted food pantries and sought out opportunities that could help both me and my dad but most places require transportation of some sort and we don't have a car. it broke down where fixing it would cost too much so we had no choice but to get rid of it.

so basically what i usually end up needing help with is food. groceries cost so much money and we still dont have enough to eat by the end of the month. the price of groceries has gone up dramatically where the amount of income my dad and i get hasnt gone up at all

[calkale]

you kinda fell off the face of the earth, you doing okay? I hope you are

thank you joey i am okay <3 i meant to only take a day or two long break then come back but im really overwhelmed with a lot of personal stuff rn (not all bad just a lot) and i don't really have time for tumblr posting 😔😔 im still kinda active on discord and insta so people know im alive but im probably not gonna be on tumblr a lot for a while. i also applied for a job (adult stuff 🙄🙄) so that’ll mean less time for drawing unfortunately 😔 my discord is just calkale if anyones interested cause i probs wont be checking tumblr at all for a while. I do post some art on insta (no top gun tho sorry i dont want my irls knowing how much tom cruise i draw) so dm me on discord if you want it cause i do wanna stay in touch with the mutuals i love you guys i hope everyones doing well 🫶🫶

[trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc]

god ok so you guys know how we're Ragebound? specidically Knight of Rage? (still attached to maid of rage(stimmy name, cute outfit) but i genuinely think knight fits more)

and you know how my short term and working memories are SHOT to hell?

[externalization, REALLY long]

as a manifestation - er. byproduct i guess of ky alxithymedisf fuck- Alixithymia . well thats closer at least...- anyway- its super hard for me to think if i Dont write things down, its why talking verbally is so hard for me.

its like other peoples working memory is a meandering stream where they see their thoughts slowly drifting by before leaving their view some ways down the flow, and mjne is a waterfall. so if i dont. put my words on paper as i think them, ill have forgotten what i was saying, maybe During the thought that i am speaking.

this applies to my inner life as well. not in a system way speciricqlly but not Not in a system way.

like. my emotional state is so hidden in the fog of mist around the rapid water, so obfuscated by the coping mechanism of dissociation that i adapted so that i could Survive, anf the mist of my damaged brain, that i just. kind of. dont remember how i feel if i dont specirically seek it out and write it down.

and even then my thoughts are very baseline.

its why i talk so much about my inner experiences. if i dont, i wont know them. not for long.

its like i have a 2dimensional view of my 3d emotions. like im a Flatlander from Flatland seeing a person Bisect my reality, but i cant tbink in video, only pictures.

if i start writing down the pictures i see, tbe emotional states i experience moment to moment before they pass the event horizon and their existanxe, to me, is enshrouded by fog, then. i start recording thoae crossections, and i can start to peice together an image of my 3d thoughts and feelings, with my 2d eyes.

one of my few saving graces is that i am, aparently, really smart, thoughtful, whatever. i scored a 156 on IQ a long time ago, and, if you account for yhe problems caused by my memory, i still have that score. IQ is a Very limited picture of intelligence, but it is a Real form of it. this and i aparently think much more critically than my fellow students at the very least.

i was what youd call a gifted kid burnout. i could skate by on little to no effort in lower school, and i never learned a self discipline because of it. im super super fucking bad at resisting my own needs. my willpower regarding things is weak, i think its cause of my fatigue. my Baselime is their exhausted. their peak. and everyone is less able to resist their urge to aleep when they have the flu.

because of all of this whatever, i still, aparently, am very good at . well. getting good grades on tests that i forgot about and didnt study for.

anyway...

isnt it kind of. really Rage aspect pilled that I am . so predisposed against . like. being an internal, private person?

like. if i dont say what im thinking, i will forget it, isnt that Really Rage? to like Be translucent in my thoughts reasoning and actions in ways other people just. arent [predisposed | forced] to be?

thats not saying i Cant lie. i can. we actually. used to be a compulsive liar, and its only through a lot of therapy that ive gotten this much better.

its just something neat...

[themolldollincident]

**CARNIVAL BARKER MODE ACTIVATE**

‼️‼️‼️HEY, BEAUTIFUL, LOOK OVER HERE PLEASE‼️‼️‼️

Don't i look hot here?? My fellow impoverished transsexuals (and im only talkin to yall right now, be careful in the tags, this is a grassroots thing, understand? No need to attract the idiots to this post), if you want the REST of this video - and also a lil' somethin' extra on the side ;) Believe Me, you'll Like It - ALL for free, ALL you gotta do is READ THIS POST AND FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS - or just skip to the big INSTRUCTIONS section, i wont tell ;)

Okay reading time:

‼️‼️GOOD NEWS!! ONE BRANCH OF THE FAMILY IS SAFE IN EGYPT AND CAN NOW BEGIN THE PROCESS OF REUNITING WITH REWAND, RIWAA AND HAMDI IN ONTARIO!!!!!🍉🍉🍉🍉💕💕💕💕‼️‼️

STAY WITH ME (OR JUST SKIP TO THE INSTRUCTIONS)

Thats FANTASTIC!!!

It is reprehensible that Israel murdered Reziq Hajjaj ONE MONTH before he could go with his children to safety. And it's very worrying that the family of Dr. Ramez Hajjaj is still stuck in Rafah.

Friend, if you've been putting off clicking on these 'cause you dont have much money or time and youre worried you'll commit the little you have to a scam or the wrong donation, please remember that Time Is Of The Essence. It's better if 30 of you throw even 1 dollar now then for any of you to wait for some magical certainty. But also, THIS FUND IS VERIFIED and i've bit followin it for a bit. This fund has gotten some of the family to Egypt, where they can apply to reunite with their sisters in Canada. And that's mighty fine. But some of that family's still in Rafah. The fund hasn't met it's ultimate goal yet.

Now here are the instructions:

1. Click the link and real quick just spend 2 - 10 minutes, dependin on your abilities right now, sending them whatever you can, now matter how small.

2. Send me your reciept.

That gets you the rest of this video. Now if you want that sweet lil extra somethin on the side i mentioned, keep goin

3. Reblog this post to your fellow trannies (again, no need for idiot magnet tags, alright?) and continue to fight for liberation every day!!! And remember that Amerikkka has just as much of a right to exist as Israel!! Work every day that you can (in a sustainable way, cause we need you here for years, partner!!) to restore safety and the opportunity for joy to all of humanity's people!! (And our animal friends, too! They can't evacuate Ramez's 14 year old cat Abood until ALL the rest of the family's out. Here he is, by the way)