#but it sounds like i didn't even get a pity interview for a job i literally already did because of my personality

[scienceisfood]

[loz-furbies]

Breath of the Wild / Age of Calamity / Tears of the Kingdom Zelda, part 1/2

The final Zelda (so far) of this character review series is the most developed of them all, and probably has more character content to her in just one game than any of the others, and she has three to boot! With full voice acting (I'm JP voice only), a huge and personal role in the story, diary entries, notable relationships to multiple characters and being discussed by many NPCs there is a lot to talk about, but I'm mostly going off of memory and rewatching the cutscenes since it would be too much work to research every mention of her in all three games.

Design

(Ancient dress Zelda model from here)

Not going to copypaste my thoughts on her BotW look since this is long enough already.

It is a pity that Zelda didn't get a full redesign for TotK, but I'll take what I can get. The bob is really cute! And unusual among the Zeldas too, and I guess a nice way to represent that she has moved to the commoner lifestyle.

As for the ancient dress, it looks perfectly fine on its own, but since I value it when the designs have their own unique identity, I wish it wasn't so similar to her white dress from BotW. Maybe there is some connection, like Sonia used to be a priest so maybe the dress design survived through millennia as a prayer dress or whatever, but since that's not actually in the game, I'm not giving credit for that.

The bulkier and sort of unrefined jewelry does a good job making the outfit look ancient, but it's still fancy enough that I can believe it to belong to the royal family. That decorative accessory on the front of the dress is really cool looking and a nice and consistent detail among all the ancient clothes, but man is it a pain to draw. Finally I really like the big earrings and the tear makeup is a great little detail.

When I first saw the Light dragon in the final Zelda memory I thought it looked kind of doofy, with its bright colours, clumpy eyelashes, bulging eyes and borzoi nose, but it has since grown on me. I once read that some Pokemon designer said in an interview or such that if a Pokemon design looks too cool, they add something uncool to it to make it more memorable, and I think it's a pretty good design philosophy. There have been several LoZ designs that have shocked me at first, but eventually I get used to them and they will look just right. They could have given the dragons a more cool or elegant look, but that would have also risked making them more generic. Also the eyes give a good impression about Zelda's state that nobody is home there.

Character

This iteration of Zelda is easily the most fleshed out of them all, since we get to see so much of her relationships, character development, emotional reactions to plot events, and also stuff she does outside the immediate plot.

BotW Zelda's dread over the impending doom and the self esteem issues that rise from it are a large part of the story. There are other Zeldas who also worry about the Plot, but in BotW Zelda's case it's incredibly personal since her failure to do her crucial job in preventing the disaster is at the core of the story. According to Rhoam's diary, she had already internalised her duty at the age of six (and this caused her to not show any weakness even at her mother's funeral), and from there she spent her life trying and failing to awaken her powers. This lifelong crushing sense of responsibility and guilt and the failure to live up to her demanding father's expectations give BotW Zelda a very melancholic vibe that constantly pops up through the game. Though I must say that in the memory where the champions perform their little ceremony and Zelda gives a long speech to Link, her voice acting gets really awkward when it sounds like she's about to start crying with every word.

Once she finds her inner strength, Zelda gets her badass moments as well. I especially like the grand finale of BotW where she, glowing with power, calmly stands before Calamity Ganon's pig form and doesn't even flinch when he charges at her. And in the TotK flashback cutscenes she can apparently be taken to a battle against Ganondorf as a part of Rauru's sage posse.

I called out Skyward Sword Zelda for being a bit too much of an ideal girlfriend, so I'm really glad that the memory where BotW Zelda lashes out at Link exists. It works to prevent her from being just a pure maiden who is victimised by unfair outside circumstances. Or I mean that does happen to her, but letting her display some negative traits (like frustration and jealousy) that she's personally responsible for as well makes her feel more like an actual person and not just a perfect victim.

Even if BotW Zelda's heavy burden is a huge part of her character, luckily that's not all there is to her. And not just because being multifaceted of course makes her more interesting, but also I find it a lot more realistic that not every moment of her life had been constant suffering.

One of her most charming and notable traits is her nerdy scientist side. It certainly sets her apart from the other Zeldas, and also gives her something else to do than just worry about the plot and be a princess. The memory where she geeks over a frog and goes on such a ramble over its scientific properties that she forgets basic social norms is such a great piece of characterisation, and it's cute how her enthusiasm returns in TotK where she's excited over Zonai discoveries, and is also into Mineru's constructs. According to AoC, studying was also apparently something she did with her late mother as a child.

Her research notes also detail how together with Purah and Robbie they discovered various things about the ancient Sheikah tech, but I do think it's a little disappointing how we don't get much anything concrete about Zelda's contributions specifically. There's a lot about her being interested in the Sheikah technology and how she apparently was a part of research group, but all actual discoveries are attributed to different characters or left vague, so as a result she comes across more like an enthusiastic hobbyist who in the end doesn't actually get anywhere. I would have liked it if for example Purah's diary had a line of how Zelda's efforts helped them understand the Guardians better or something like that, but now you have to imagine her contributions yourself. The closest we get is how in AoC she gives one Sheikah artefact to Rhoam, which ends up saving his life, but it's not quite what I'm looking for since Zelda didn't know what the item would do, so it feels more like luck. But even if the execution didn't quite land, I'm glad that AoC took the time to give some kind of resolution to the Rhoam-forbids-Zelda-from-Studying aspect and has to admit that he was wrong. And regardless the Sheikah tech works well to give Zelda her unique identity, and it's also nice how two of her weapons in AoC are based on it.

BotW Zelda also has a playful side, like for example she runs up to play with a dog she just saw, or jokes with Urbosa about how they both had to act all formal in front of an audience despite being long time friends. She is also a very proactive character; thanks to the "find the memories" gameplay, we see her travel all across Hyrule instead of just sitting at her castle, she's the one to handle all business with the Divine Beast pilots (and since they're all high ranking individuals among their people, this makes Zelda pretty politically active as well), and BotW ends with her wanting to work on rebuilding Hyrule.

Zelda being active continues in TotK, where there's a lot of little snippets how she has founded a school, installed memorial monuments, managed survey teams, worked on gardens, and so on. And of course she also immediately volunteered for investigating the Gloom situation at the start of TotK as well, and from the stone tablets we can read how she also got into fiddling with Constructs and fashion in the ancient Hyrule. Obviously it would have been nice to actually see all of this instead of just reading or hearing it second hand, but I understand that not everything can get a fancy cutscene, so it's at least nice that this was included in the game at least in some fashion.

I touched on it in the part about her nerdy side, but let's also bring specific attention to the fact that BotW Zelda also has a delightfully weird and chaotic side to her. She tries to feed a frog to Link, and the TotK stone tablets tell about how she would ride Mineru's construct despite the protests of the chamberlain. And while the recipe she cooks in AoC is a legit BotW recipe, the way the scene is depicted clearly makes her come across as eccentric in her cooking.

AoC also casts her in a leadership role once her powers finally awaken and she becomes more confident. Honestly I prefer the insecure nerd Zelda over the charismatic leader because I don't think she quite has enough credibility to pull off rousing speeches to masses at this point of the story, but I guess it does make sense for the kind of story they're telling

Her powers are pretty inconsistent between games, BotW is obviously all about awakening her sacred sealing power, and the game ends with her saying that she used all that up. And then TotK reveals she had two different powers all along; Sonia's time power comes out of nowhere and Rauru's light power overlaps with her BotW ability a lot. But I can live with a discrepancy like this since I like the story of TotK.

Since I brought up how it's nice that Skyward Sword is implied to have a knitting hobby, I suppose it should be mentioned that BotW Zelda made the Champion's blue clothes and accessories. Though here it feels a lot less important and even a bit tacked on, since BotW Zelda already has so much going on that is more important and meaningful to her character. But I guess crafting clothes is princessy enough of a subject that Rhoam approves of spending time on it instead of prayer practice and even brags about it. A different little detail that I like more than this clothing thing is that we get to learn Zelda's favourite food (fruitcake).

In Japanese Zelda uses polite language, but no honorifics. I'm no Japanese expert, but to me this comes across as keeping a polite distance from everyone, while also implying status ("I'm a princess so I don't need to use a honorific for you"). Also in the beginning of AoC, Link (who at this point is just a random knight to Zelda) kneels in front of her and she doesn't even acknowledge him, so it appears she's pretty used to her standing. The stone tablets in TotK also describe her having an undeniable air of nobility.

[richmond-rex]

Hi! Do you like Jacob's performance of Henry in TWP?

Hello! I think Jacob did the best job he could do under the circumstances. I think his performance was good, his only problem is that the script, the source material he had to work with, was awful lol. But from the interviews I remember watching at the time he sounded very happy to play Henry VII! He mentioned his dad bringing home a snow globe featuring Westminster Abbey and then mentioned how it struck him that he was about to play the man who founded the Lady Chapel in that snow globe. Just going by the fact that he knows Henry VII built Westminster's current Lady Chapel you can see he did his research, and indeed Jacob mentioned reading a biography of Henry VII (I don't recall if he mentioned which one). Jodie Comer, the actress who played Elizabeth of York, also said Jacob knew lots about the Wars of the Roses, much more than she did in fact.

It seems like he's a history nerd like us :) so it's a pity that he didn't get to work with a well-researched and appropriately nuanced material but instead had to deal with a script that had Philippa Gregory (who turned Henry VII into a unidimensional villain in her novels) as their source. I think if it weren't for Jacob having so much interest/consideration for Henry VII we were bound to see an even flatter (or flatly cruel) Henry VII in that series. In my opinion, he's definitely the actor who played Henry the best in the context of Starz's Gregory trilogy. I would love to see Jacob play this historical figure again with a better script, though I think it's unlikely to happen.

[liminalpebble]

Eddie's Education: Chapter 5

Masterlist link

Minor DNI

Chapter 5

Eddie could hear Gareth and Wayne laughing, even from where he was laying beneath the chassis of an elderly station wagon. Tired of wondering what was so fucking funny, he rolled himself back out to look up at his friend and his uncle.

“What are you two chicken-heads laughing about?

Wayne chortled, “You, kid.”

“Me?” Eddie inquired, as he torqued the wrench roughly a couple more times, straining a little. He reached for a bandanna to wipe the grime from his face and hands, only to remember that he'd given his last clean one to Leia the night before. Gareth threw a clean shop rag over his face playfully.

“Yeah,” Gareth elaborated, “you seem different. Like...happy. Not manic...I mean, that's just normal you. You seem...weird happy. Did you meet a girl or something?”

Eddie was suddenly grateful to have grime all over to hide the blush he could feel racing up his face. “Funny...real funny, Gareth. Way to rub it in.”

“Cut the pity party, Munson. Just because you don't bother dating doesn't mean you can't. I mean...Wayne and I both found our better halves because we were brave enough to get out there. If we could do it, I'm pretty sure a disaster like you would have a chance with whatever lady you're pining after.”

“That's very encouraging, thanks. How's your career as a motivational speaker going?” he quipped back.

This Friday afternoon was a slow one at Munson's Auto Repair, and Eddie wished things would pick up so the other two wouldn't have the time or energy to poke at him. He sighed, reminding himself that they do it because they care. They were two people who loved him unconditionally. It's a rare thing and it made the annoyance worth it.

“Okay,” Wayne admitted in defeat, “Enough torture for one day. He'll tell us when he's ready. You better go clean up, kid. You gotta be at The Hideout in like an hour.”

“Oh shit, Thanks,” Eddie exclaimed. As usual he'd lost track of the time, lost in another world, and Wayne was there to bring him back again, literally and figuratively just like he did 15 years ago.

----

Eddie swung behind the bar of The Hideout, pink and well-scrubbed. The dingy bar was still quiet; just a couple sad regulars and their liquid early bird specials. As he dried the freshly-washed glasses, setting them up neatly for the evening rush, he caught sight of something unusual.

Dale, the owner, was sitting with someone in a corner. The cadence of questions and answers had the unmistakable sound of a job interview. When he finally peeked around the corner he saw Dale's lanky form slouched in a chair opposite a pair of black pumps and stockings and a pencil skirt. As Eddie's eyes scanned up, he realized it was her. It was Leia, looking very different than she usually did and very out of place in the gritty hall of The Hideout.

He listened and watched as Dale wrapped up the conversation, nodding his white ponytailed-head enthusiastically and shaking the young lady's hand with his leathery one.

He heard her voice raise as she exclaimed, “Thank you! Thank you, Mr. Sullivan! I won't let you down and I really appreciate the chance.”

Dale chuckled with his raspy smoker's laugh. “Just 'Dale', kid. You can relax working here. As long as you can open a beer bottle, count change, mop a floor, and get along with weird ol' Eddie back there, you'll be just fine.

She looked over to where her new boss gestured with his thumb. Eddie was standing there, waving awkwardly. “Hey! Eddie” she greeted brightly, “I didn't realize we'd be coworkers. Glad to see you.”

“Oh great! Didn't realize y'all knew each other,” Dale said with a wink to Eddie. Eddie shot him a death glare.

“Yeah. Mr. Munson's one of my students. He's a good one too,” she said smiling proudly at him, and he couldn't help smiling back, silly and boyish. He was trying not to ogle her legs in stockings and heels. He figured she must have taken Ferguson's critique to heart and dressed more professionally. Eddie chuckled to himself, contemplating the irony of the situation. Ferguson's whole reason for this new dress code was to build a thick wall of formality between her and her students. Little did he know that this new look made Eddie desperately want to get a whole lot less formal with her; to shrug those black heels over his shoulders and tear those stockings while he...

“I hope it works out here. Dale seems nice.” Eddie flinched a little, seeing that she'd come right up to the bar to talk to him. She gave him a little quizzical look, waiting for him to respond and beginning to feel uncomfortable with the silence.

“I'm so so sorry! I zoned out a minute. Yeah, Dale's great. I didn't realize you were getting a second job.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, well. I could use a little more cash. Apparently I'm gonna need to buy some more clothes,” she said, looking over her outfit with a frown, like it had said something that personally offended her. “What about you though? I thought you work at Wayne's place?”

“Yeah, I work there during the day, a few evenings here...”

“And a few at nights school? Eddie, when do you sleep?”

He chuckled. “I don't...not well anyway.” Not since the upside down he thought, not since the nightmares. But I bet I would sleep like a rock after we go at it 4 times in a row...

“Yeah. I know the feeling,” she replied, blissfully ignorant of how feral Eddie's thoughts were getting.

“Well,” she said, tapping the bar lightly, “I'm gonna go change out of this abomination and I'll be right back. My shift starts now. I'm sorry you're stuck showing the newbie the ropes.”

I could help you change. I could pull those stockings down with my fucking teeth. I could show you plenty of other ropes while we're at it, Eddie thought, intrusively, but stayed a perfect gentleman.

----

He thought the stockings and heels would be his biggest torment of the day, but he was so, so wrong. She breezed in behind the bar in black jean shorts over her stockings and a pair of red chucks on her feet. Leia had exchanged her crisp gray button-down for an worn Misfits shirt. The smiling skull draping over her generous tits laughed at him; touching where he couldn't but desperately wanted to. The icing on the cake arrived when she grabbed a bar napkin, wiping off the lipstick she'd worn all day, the ghost of a rosy smear still staining her full lips. This time he resisted actually touching her, hyperaware of his proximity and his horny thoughts.

“You uh...you still have a little right here,” he said, gesturing to a spot just below his bottom lip.

She laughed and dabbed again. “Thanks. Let's get going.”

“Heh. It feels really really weird to be the one teaching you.”

“Well...do your best, and I'll do my best to keep up. Educate me, Mr. Munson.”

Eddie raised and eyebrow at that. Leia cringed at herself.

Leia keep up. She more than kept up. Eddie realized with surprise that it seemed like she'd done this before. Leia for her part desperately hoped the hearts in her eyes weren't showing as Eddie performed his dramatic little bits, flipping bottles, and rambling to the regulars who knew him. She tried not to notice the lovely tattoos snaking up and down his arms and the hint of one peeking out the neckline of his tee shirt. She tried not to think of how strong he must be when those same arms flexed and hoisted with sinewy strength as he hauled one more crate up from storage. She tried not to notice the dimples in his cheeks as he smiled to her when she learned something quickly. She tried not to go limp at the scent of him as he scooted past her in the tight space; detergent and leather and cigarettes. She tried not to notice his ass in those tight black jeans.

She tried and she tried and she tried. And for the most part Leia succeeded snipping the branches of thought off as quickly as they sprouted. There was enough going on with the huge Friday crowd and the myriad new tasks before her. Suddenly it was 3am, and Dale was counting the till while Eddie and Leia were cleaning up, chatting to stay awake.

“You killed it, Leia! Did you work at a bar before?”

She smiled at him; a lopsided little nostalgic grin. “Yeah, I'm from Chicago, worked in a dive bar there all through my undergrad and my master's. Leia scanned her eyes around evaluating the surroundings. “It really wasn't so different.”

Eddie shrugged as he swept. “Nah...I guess it wouldn't be. A dive bar is a dive bar.”

“What about you, Mr. Popular. Everyone seems to know you. You put on quite a show.”

Eddie chuckled, “Yeah, but don't be fooled into thinking I'm well-liked. I have a reputation as the freaky village dumbass to uphold. I'm entertainment at best.”

“Come on, Eddie. I wish you wouldn't be so mean to yourself. You have so much going for you. I wish you could see it.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” she answered, without a hint of sarcasm, their dark eyes meeting.

“Well...uh...a lot of them also know my band, Corroded Coffin We've been playing here every Tuesday for like 20 years.” He said with a little swell of pride in his voice, hoping she'd be impressed.

“Wow. That's fantastic! You play guitar, right?”

He squinted curiously at her. “How did you know?”

“Oh...uh...I felt...you have callouses on your fingers. And that pick you wear around your neck.”

He snickered. “Ms. Vespero, you are very observant.”

She shrugged. “part of the job.”

“Bartending or teaching?”

She pause mid-swipe over a table to think. “Both, I suppose. I just try to pay attention to everything. I want to know everything about everything...all the time. My brain can't seem to work any other way. It's just...constant. It's sort of...”

“Exhausting?”

“Yeah,” she said with a smile, pleased someone finally understood.

“Mind if I address the elephant in the room and ask why you're in Hawkins?”

She took a deep, pensive breath, and Eddie felt a bit panicked. Worried that he'd broached a sore subject he quickly added, “...but you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.”

“No...no it's okay,” she said, hoisting two more chairs upside down and resting them on the table top. “I uh...I lived in Chicago my whole life, in the city. I went to college there. Hulled ass and got my masters' in 5 years.” She could feel herself stalling. She'd never talked about this...the hard part. Leia looked at the floor and finished sweeping so she wouldn't have to meet Eddie's perceptive gaze. “Met a guy from Hawkins, named Sam. We dated since freshmen year. He begged me to move back to Hawkins with him when we both finished school. So I quit the job I just got, canceled the lease on my apartment, which I loved, and packed up to move to here.”

Eddie felt his heart sink at the mention of a boyfriend, one who might still be in the picture. “Uh...well...Sam is a lucky guy then, that you'd do all that for him. What is he doing in Hawkins now?”

She paused a minute, “He...uh...he isn't in Hawkins. We broke up...or rather...he broke up with me. As usual I was the one who had my shit together early while he was dicking around. I already had my lease, my new job lined up, I didn't have any other choice. So here I am.”

“And where the fuck is he?” Eddie asked, indignant.

“Still in Chicago, with a tall blonde music major with rich parents. Probably reading Bukowski on her couch and still refusing to get a job. Poor girl. She's a freshman...whole life ahead of her. I hope he doesn't use her the way he used me.”

“Unfortunately, in my experience, assholes like that don't change. My dad was that brand of asshole too.”

“God. I'm so sorry, Eddie,” she said, finally meeting his eyes. “That couldn't have been easy.”

“Leia, you just told me a story about how this hipster dickhead ruined your life, and you're feeling sympathy for me?”

She smiled and shrugged, “We're in the Life Ruined by Irresponsible Dickheads Club. It's sort of nice to commiserate. I haven't talked about it to anyone before.”

“Not even your family or friends?”

She rolled her eyes. “My family loved Sam. They were so disappointed in me, but what else is new? They asked me what I did to drive him off. As for friends, well, I worked so hard that I never felt like there was time to make any deep ones. I was always an over-achiever and it went into overdrive in college. I felt like I had so much to prove to my family. Not to mention I knew from the beginning of our relationship that I would have to be the breadwinner in so I wanted to be as hire-able as possible.”

“Jesus,” Eddie said under his breath.

“Sorry to talk at you so much.”

“No no,” he quickly added. “That wasn't annoyance...just damn. A lot to digest. Besides, I asked,” he said with that devastatingly sweet grin.

“Well, thanks for listening anyway. So, Eddie, what's your story? I showed you mind, now you show me yours.”

He turned bright red, then got quiet for a moment, scanning through the highlight reel of his life; being forced to hot wire cars with his dad by the time he was 8, later, the screaming in the trailer and trying to drown it out with Megadeth and Metallica, Wayne taking him in when both parents disappeared, and finally, the darkness and pain of Vecna and the upside-down. He took a deep breath.

“That, Ms. Vespero, would require a lot more time to explain.”

“Well, than I'll expect a full report another time...when it isn't 3 in the morning.”

Just then, Dale's voice cut across the bar as he hollered from the til “Nice work, kids. I see you're done already. I'm done counting up for the night, so let's get outta here.

As the 3 filed to the door Eddie jumped over to open it for Leia. Dale smirked at him as he filed out behind her. Waiting until she was out of earshot he rolled his eyes and hissed, “Can it, Dale...”.

@sunflowerdaydreamer

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What would happen if one of Tom's classmates realized that Tom was being sent back to London during the Blitz and offered him a place to stay? Would Tom take them up on the offer or is he too proud and would see it as them feeling pity for him?

Oh, oh man, oh I'm laughing. You think wizards are so much more aware/nicer than I do.

Caveat

First, as a matter of pride, there's pride and then there's getting yourself blown up. As proud as Tom is, that he begged Dippet to stay over the summer is telling. He had nowhere else to go and no one made the offer.

Why Do I Think it Didn't Happen

I think wizards have only the barest understanding that a muggle war is on, and that Britain is looking like it will be invaded and conquered any day now. There are submarines in the channel, Britain's getting bombed relentlessly, and there is a very real existential terror as there is nothing left between Britain and Germany but a bit of water.

The wizards, instead, are concerned about Grindelwald. They have no understanding that muggle Germans invading means the wizard Germans are probably going to hop along for the ride.

The bombs are other people problems as shown by Dippet's "Oh, you think you can stay, that's cute. No, no exceptions."

"There's a war on!"

"Let them eat cake"

People will think Tom's being weird, muggle, paranoid, and weak if he starts complaining about this or being visibly shaken. As it is no one asks him to stay when they know he's in a muggle orphanage, even before the war.

Look, if the Weasleys are barely asking Harry to stay a few weeks with them Tom is shit out of luck.

Back to Your Question

Had Tom gotten the offer, I imagine he'd take it. We're talking about a man who is shameless enough to woo Hepzibah Smith for a job and take a job interview with Dumbledore in good faith (where Dumbledore then repeatedly calls him a loser and tells him he totally scheduled this when he knew Tom would be busy).

Tom may have pride, but at this point in his life, he'll certainly throw it away for his security as well as the chance to spend the summer a) not in an orphanage b) reading whatever books the nice person who invited him over had access to.

I think we can safely assume that Tom's classmates stared at him blankly saying, "Not sure why you're so worries about those bom-boms, Tom, they don't sound very harmful."

"They're called bombs."

[nonokoko13]

I can’t stop thinking about Anya with a babysitter who is also a psychic

Now I have to make headcanons about it in order to get it out of my mind. Hope you're happy anon/j thanks for the idea

GN Reader

Anya with a psychic!babysitter

✧ Either new missions or a date "to look like a normal marriage", Loid and Yor have something to do and unfortunately Anya can't join

✧ Frankie is not available that day, but Loid doesn't have problem with finding a replacement. Although he would never let someone he doesn't know with his fake daughter

✧ Doing the same he did with the Operation Wife, he memorizes every detail about the babysitters who replied to the offer

✧ Before even finishing an interview there are already those who discard; yes, he interviews people for just a day-job. Did you doubt it?

✧ Smokers? Discarded. Criminal history even if it's just a parking ticket? No thanks. People with slightly sexist or discriminatory thinking of some kind? Next

✧ Thanks to his knowledge of the body language and psychology he's able to know things that aren't mentioned in their files, just looking at them is enough to say what's their political opinion without bringing the topic directly

✧ From all the options you were acceptable. Good with kids, no incidents recorded with the authorities, available that day and your rate is cheap

✧ Yor was less demanding than her husband, but she trusted him to hire the best babysitter. When Loid asked her about you she said that you seemed a good person

✧ After changing numbers you agreed to babysit Anya next afternoon. The girl came late from school so she didn't meet you until the following day

✧ Discovering that from all the candidates the chosen one is a psychic was mind blowing. Bond showed her your appearance, not this

✧ Probably she discovered peeking into your mind a bit, unless your power is telepathy like her and both went speechless when you heard the other screaming "I'm listening my mind in your mind?!?" without doing a sound

✧ If there was someone with you in that moment they would wonder if you knew each other to make that face

✧ The little sper couldn't contain her happiness, asking you hundreds of questions right away. How you got your power? Does somebody knows your secret? It increases its strength when you're older?

✧ There are few to none odds that you got psychic powers in a natural way, so once you start thinking about the struggles you went through at her age she feels pity for bringing up the subject and tries to distract you from your thoughts by introducing you to her plushies agents

✧ She may not tell you about her parents secrets at first, unless she let her thoughts flow and you unintentionally see something about their jobs, but Anya would tell you some of her adventures: her first day at Eden and somebody called syon boy, the day Pa brought her to his job and the teacher put a weird face when she talked about his mind doctor methods, her super incredible sea journey...

✧ Seeing her enjoying herself despite her power was another grateful surprise. Most of the people who you knew with the same state at yours had been burned out by depressed thoughts, even you wished you had never been a sper before meeting her

✧ At least she had the chance to live the life in your day you couldn't

✧ The day flied and the Forgers came home in the middle of one of your games. When Loid thanked for your service while you were saying goodbye Anya grabbed to your leg as if her life depended on it

✧ She threatened to not go back to school if her parents didn't let you babysit her anymore, and you promised her you would play together again

✧ She always counted the days to you next visit and tell you everything about her day. Loid and Yor were glad you were able to take care so well of her, mostly because sometimes they didn't know what she needed and you two seemed to understand each other perfectly

✧ Frankie made a little act of being replaced and losing money; although the thing went bad when Loid assured him his job as babysitter and dog walker haven't ended

✧ When you are babysitting Anya alone is more comfortable because you can talk through your minds, but babysitting along Frankie never get boring

✧ It's like seeing two gremlins in search of entertainment with one braincell carried by Anya. Somehow the adult is worse than her because he joins her quickly when it comes to mess with Loid, and if you're not the one who is responsible here then is even more chaotic

✧ Sometimes Frankie jokes with you two reading each other's minds, not so funny to Anya when it's true but oh God way funnier to you though. Joke about it and Anya will freak out, you try to teach her "if you freak out is more suspicious" because the more evident it looks the less probabilities someone takes it seriously

✧ Overall knowing another person who have powers made her feel less lonely, and her endearing antics makes you feel better about it as well

[nothing-but-dreamy]

SECRET LOVE

Pairing: DBH!Connor X OC!Character

Words: 3.636

Warnings: smut, dominance (nothing too heavy), slightly rough Connor

Summary: Kat is a detective of the DPD and secretly dating one of her colleagues for a few weeks. After a long day, the only thing she is yearning for is a nice evening with her boyfriend to forget about all the idiots in the world. But sometimes ‘nice’ is not the wanted thing.

02. January 2039

05:26:07 PM

… and the only thing Kat wanted was a coffee, a hot shower, pizza and maybe watching a movie… But instead she pushed a junky around she had arrested thirty minutes ago as he was dealing nearby an elementary school.

The junky grunted as he stumbled forward, a bit clumsy on his feet, “Come on, sweetheart, be a bit more cautious with me. There is still a chance for the two of us to work out. I mean after everything we went through so far.”

“I don’t think so, asshole.”, Kat muttered and pushed the guy further through the department to put him finally into one of the detention cells. It was a pity that the cells had electrical doors nowadays, otherwise, she just could throw the key away.

“But darling-”

“Shut the fuck up and move.”, Kat spitted and pushed him around once again.

“You need help there, hon?”, Gavin asked with a lopsided smirk while he leant casually against his desk with crossed arms and legs.

Kat rolled with her eyes. That was another asshole she didn’t need right now. Not after such a long day. “No, thanks, I’m fine. There’s no need for you to get your hands dirty.”, Kat fired back.

“Oh, but Kat, I would love to get my hands dirty...with you. If you just could read my mind right now-”

“Then, I’m sure, I would puke straight into your ugly face.”, Kat hissed and was happy to reach the detention cell and to leave Gavin, the biggest asshole of the DPD, behind. Kat pushed the junky into the cell and closed the door with the scan of the palm of her hand.

“But, baby. You can’t leave me alone here. I’m afraid of the dark.”, the junky said with a disgusting smirk.

Kat closed her eyes, breathed in and counted to five to calm herself. She really needed the end of the work day or … her boyfriend.

“Hey, Chris! Where's Hank?”, Kat asked as she stopped by the abandoned desks of Hank and Connor. Neither the Lieutenant nor the android were around.

“They brought a suspect in ten minutes ago. I guess they’re still in the interrogation room.”, Chris answered and turned back to his own work. Kat considered if she should just wait til they were done or if she should visit them. She looked quickly around, her eyes fell on Gavin who spoke to a colleague. If he would see her sitting around alone, he would come over to her - the last thing she wanted.

So, Kat decided to sneak into the interrogation room. An officer sat at the desk and controlled the camera and the microphone. Hank sat next to him and observed the interrogation room through the one-way mirror. Kat closed the door softly but Hank noticed her nevertheless. He greeted her with a quick nod before he looked back ahead to his partner.

Kat knew about their latest case. An android had killed its owner and they had searched for it for a while. Since the successful revolution, these kinds of attacks were rare but they happened from time to time. Hank and Connor were still assigned to these cases and now, as they had found the suspect, it was Connor’s turn to question the android.

Connor wore still his grey jacket and his typical white suit shirt underneath but the android markings were gone. The blue band around his arm and the android label on his back were both removed. He was no longer property of CyberLife but he got used to the style of clothes, so he had decided to keep them. Even the black tie was still around his neck. Kat liked to watch the android no matter what he did.

That was one of the reasons why she had said yes as Connor had asked her out several weeks ago. He had been nervous as hell, Kat had seen it in his eyes and his insecure expression but she had said yes and till now, it was the best decision she had ever made when it came to men. To date an android was interesting and new. She had expected it to be more awkward but there was nothing that felt uncomfortable with him.

Connor was extremely nice, the complete difference to all her ex-boyfriends before. He acted as a real gentleman and treated her right. Always. Til this day, Kat didn’t regret getting into a relationship with Connor. But they kept it secretly to avoid any unwanted attention - mostly of Gavin who already had made it to his personal mission to torture Connor whenever he could. It is not for nothing that Kat always called him Detective 'douchebag' Reed.

Kat enjoyed watching Connor interview a suspect. She had seen it several times before but each time, she was amazed by his skill to get a confession. Sure, his analyzing program was helpful to find clues before the suspect even spoke a word but it was for his special ability to piece these information together in no time that made the difference.

"Is this the android who killed its owner? Have you found it finally?", Kat asked curiously. Hank nodded.

"At least, that's what the eye witnesses said. They saw it running away but it came back one night. Maybe Connor will get something out of it.", Hank explained and Kat was sure the android would be successful. She was glad that she came to the right moment.

Connor sat across the suspect, an MC500 model. An android for paramedic purposes. The victim had been a dealer, maybe there was a connection. But this one android was rigged up with dirty skin and clothes which were damaged. This model reminded Kat always of a Ken-like guy but this one seemed to be living on the street or it had experienced some bad times.

Connor considered the best approach. He considered a friendly way to gain his trust but the android in front of him seemed to have experienced a few rough things so, maybe, it wouldn't be impressed by kindness and wouldn't fall for it. The android's right arm was covered with deep scars which were glowing blue and even its chest seemed to be damaged, visible through the shrewd fabric. The best way would be a more aggressive one. Maybe if he would scare it, it would talk more easily.

Kat watched how Connor skimmed through the case file and the pictures with his long, slender fingers. She saw him stopping at some pictures, probably searching for the right way to start.

Several minutes passed before Connor looked at the handcuffed android. "What's your name?", Connor asked directly to start the interview slowly. His smooth voice sounded like honey and Kat was looking forward to seeing her boyfriend doing his job. After this rough day of chasing a junky through half of Detroit’s city, she needed some eye candy.

"So, you want to stay silent, huh?", Connor said and stood up more aggressively than necessary. With crossed arms, he walked around the table and towered above the other android. He looked down at it with a stern expression. His brows were drawn together and his brown eyes were gleaming darkly. Suddenly, Connor freed his hands and slammed them violently on the metal surface of the table. The booming sound echoed through the interrogation room and Kat jumped a little. Surprised, she watched how Connor lowered towards the android to be on the same level while he was still towering him.

"Just because androids aren't slaves anymore doesn't mean that you can run around and kill humans.", Connor grunted deeply. "You're accused of murder,", he said low but threatening, "Crimes like this will be punished. You hear me?", Connor asked, still very threatening.

With huge eyes, Kat watched how Connor grabbed the android by its collar to pull it up to his eye level.

"Do you hear me? I swear you will be sent back to CyberLife." he threatened. "They will switch you off and tear you apart piece by piece!", he screamed into the android's face. The android winced and shuddered. But Connor just tightened his grip on the fabric. "You're just a fucking murderer! A cold blooded piece of shit who killed an innocent human!", Connor spat poisonously and let the android drop back on its chair.

With an open mouth, Kat looked shocked at Connor who had cursed in front of her for the first time. He acted aggressive. He screamed. He became physical. She had never seen him like this before. Her mind was racing to process what she had seen and heard. His voice was dark, deep and demanding. He was dominant and the boss in this room who showed off his power. Kat was speechless and became… turned on.

"I… I don't want to be destroyed…", the android whispered weakly.

But Connor didn't seem to be impressed. Instead, he waited and stared down at the android unemotional. He waited a few more moments before he slammed his hands on the surface again. "I don't care what you want! The victim also didn't have a chance to decide if he wanted to die or not. You took that chance from him!", Connor said low but powerful.

This low voice shot goosebumps down Kat's spine.

"But just because he attacked me first!", the android screamed back desperately to explain himself and that was the breaking point. Connor sat back on his place across the android and listened to the confession. Hank was also listening but Kat had difficulties to follow the interrogation. Several times, she tried to concentrate but her mind was always drifting back to the demanding voice and rough behavior of Connor.

Kat felt that something rose inside her. She knew the hot feeling that rose deep in her core all too well. And she knew the reason behind that feeling: Connor. Connor had turned her on so much with his aggressive way that she wasn't able to concentrate anymore.

Kat sneaked out of the room. Neither Hank nor the officer had noticed her disappearance. In the hallway, she leant against the wall next to the door and stemmed her hands into her sides. She tried to calm her thoughts but intense pictures were running in front of her eyes and fueled her lust even more. Her mind was running wild.

Several minutes later, the door opened and awoke Kat from her trance. The officer left the room with the android and Hank by its side. Connor followed them. Kat grabbed Connor by his arm to pull him towards her.

"Oh, hey, Kat- what's wrong?", Connor asked, concerned as he saw Kat's dark eyes.

But she just dragged the puzzled Connor after her, down the hallway and slipped into the next available room.

"That's the male bathroom, Kat.", Connor explained softly but she pressed her hand over his mouth.

"I don't care.", Kat said low. She saw the confusion in Connor's eyes. "I saw you. During the interrogation. What was that?"

"What do you mean?", Connor asked with a raised brow.

"You were cursing! You were aggressive and dominant. I had no idea you could be like this!"

"It was a tactic to approach the suspe-", Connor explained matter of factly.

Kat stopped him from speaking once again. "I don't care, Connor. You turned me extremely on with this behavior and for ten minutes, I can't think of anything else than how you acted in this room.", Kat whispered low but heavy. Connor noticed her aroused manner. Slowly, Kat removed her hand from his mouth.

"So, you liked that, huh?", Connor asked low and straightened himself to his full height.

Kat nodded slowly with a lopsided smirk. She moved her hands up and down his chest but Connor reacted quickly.

He grabbed her wrists and pressed her against the door with his lower body while he shoved her hands above her head. "You like it rough, baby girl?", he asked with a deep voice and dark eyes. Connor watched how she gnawed on her lower lip while she was nodding. Connor lowered his head but stopped inches from her lips to tease her. Kat tried to escape his hands but he just tightened the grip. Only then, he crashed his lips on hers for a hungry kiss.

Kat moaned and arched her back to greet his chest with her breasts. Connor understood the hint and changed his grip around her hands. With one hand, he held both of her wrists while he stroked along her side with his right hand. Teasingly and very slowly, he slid his fingers down her ribcage to her hip. Then, he slipped underneath her shirt and stroked up to her chest. Kat's breath quickened as Connor reached her breast to squeeze it softly. Kat enjoyed it and let her head fall back against the door.

Connor took the chance and bit into her neck with the right amount of pressure to make her moan again.

"Connor…", she whispered raspy with closed eyes.

"Yes? What can I do for you?", he asked but his voice was filled with dominance.

"I- I need you…", she breathed low and Connor released her hands. Kat took the opportunity and dug her fingers into his soft hair. She looked into his eyes. A cheeky smirk played on his lips. Before Kat could say anything, Connor grabbed her ass, raised her up and brought her over to the sink to place her there on top. Kat snaked her legs around his waist, grabbed his tie and pulled him down to kiss him passionately. Both his hands worked his way up and down her body while Kat rolled her hips against him to increase the friction.

Connor dug his fingers into Kat's long, braided hair and pulled her head back to get a good spot on her neck. He kneaded her breast and played with her hardened nipple through the fabric which caused her to moan his name once again. He kissed up and down her neck before he bit down.

"Uh… not that strong…", Kat cried out but her voice was filled with pure lust.

"I just want to make sure that you know that you're mine. And only mine.", Connor whispered husky against her skin.

"I.. I'm just yours, Connor.", Kat admitted raspy.

"Well, that didn't sound very convincing.", Connor said and stepped back from Kat who was already a mess. Her hair was tousled, her lips were swollen and her clothes askew.

As she saw Connor stepping away from her, she was shocked. Kat jumped from the sink and stepped forward to reach him but Connor stepped back until she stopped.

"Turn around.", Connor commanded low. His eyes held an arrogant expression.

"W-what?", Kat asked, confused. She was overwhelmed by the situation. By his dominant way and his strong voice.

"I said, turn around!", he said, more demanding than before.

Kat followed his instructions. She turned around and stood in front of the mirror. She looked at herself and untied her hair because the braided tail was already disheveled. Connor closed up to her from behind. And Kat watched him through the mirror coming closer.

"Look at me!", Connor said deeply into Kat's left ear. Just his voice shot goosebumps down her spine and she shuddered, already filled with lust. Connor towered behind her and stroked over her hips to the button of her jeans to open it. He opened the zipper slowly to slip his right hand inside.

Kat's knees started to wobble as she felt Connor's hand slowly moving forward down her slip. As he touched it, Kat felt how soaked the fabric already was.

"Oh, you're really in this mood, aren't you, baby girl?", Connor whispered.

Kat nodded while she bit down on her lower lip. She squirmed against his chest the longer he teased her over the fabric. As Kat started to roll with her hips to grind her ass against him, Connor moved his hand underneath the fabric of the soaked slip. Kat cried out with relish as she felt Connor's fingers sliding between her folds. He stopped his moves and placed his other hand over her mouth.

"You have to be more quiet or someone will hear us. If you're too loud I fear I have to stop. Got it?", Connor asked and removed his hand slowly to move it down to her neck. His long fingers were laying softly around her throat. "Say it!", he demanded with his lips sliding on the outer rim of Kat's ear.

"I have to be more quiet. Please, continue…", Kat begged desperately what caused Connor to grin.

He waited a few more seconds and concentrated on Kat's rapid heartbeat and her erratic pulse caused by him. Her chest was moving uneven and she was shuddering against him. Very slowly, Connor slipped two of his fingers back into her. Kat's hot core was dripping wet and his fingers were covered in seconds. "You feel that?", Connor whispered as he pushed his fingers a bit deeper inside her.

"Y-yes…", Kat nodded and whimpered low to stay quiet.

Connor looked Kat in the eyes through the mirror. "That's me inside of you, Kat.", he said smirking and pushed deeper. "I know how much you love my hands on your body.", he said low and moved his left hand to her breast to knead it slowly. "And my fingers inside of you like this.", he continued and pumped into her again.

Each time he did that, Kat shuddered more and more. She felt her core tightening.

Connor noticed that she was close, so he removed his hand a bit to extend the moment. "Kat", Connor said to get her attention, "Tell me you're mine.", he demanded, breathing against her ear. She looked him straight in the brown eyes which were sparkling darkly.

"I-I'm yours…", Kat whispered low between two heavy breaths.

"I can't hear you. What did you say, baby girl?", Connor asked innocently. But his dark voice compared with the nickname gave her goosebumps again.

"I'm just yours, Connor.", Kat said more clearly.

"Exactly, you are just mine! No one else is allowed to touch you! Got it?", Connor said as a statement and Kat had to obey.

"I said: got it?", Connor asked again, smirking and slipped his hand back down her slip.

"Yes…", Kat breathed husky as she felt Connor's long, slender fingers deep inside of her.

"Repeat it! I want to hear it from your sweet lips.", Connor commanded and pumped rhythmically into her in the way Kat liked the most.

"I-I'm just yours. No one else is allowed to touch me…", Kat repeated breathless.

"Good, baby girl. Now, would you like me to finish you?", he whispered raspy into her ear. He looked Kat straight into her lust filled eyes with a devilish smirk.

"Yes, please. I- I can't take it anymore.", she begged and watched the lopsided smirk growing bigger on his lips.

Connor adjusted the position of his hand and rubbed along her clit while his fingers were pumping steadily into her.

Kat's breath fastened, she closed her eyes while she leant her head back against his chest.

"Fuck damnit, Connor...", Kat moaned raspy as he pumped to her climax.

"Kiss me!", Connor demanded.

Kat's mind was spinning but she managed to turn her head to the right.

Connor crashed his lips on hers in the same moment Kat cried out because of the orgasm washing over her. He continued his moves to intensify the feeling for her even more.

As she stopped being too loud, he left her lips and watched her amazed how she enjoyed her satisfaction with closed eyes.

Kat was still jerking as he removed his hand from her slowly. She leant against the sink to catch her breath. As she was slowly recovering, her heartbeat slowed down and she straightened herself to smooth her clothes.

"Was it good?", Connor asked and smirked as he watched Kat coming clear.

"You have outdone yourself, babe.", Kat said smiling but still a bit breathless. She walked over to her boyfriend and kissed him lovely while she flung her arms around his neck.

"I had no idea you could be like that."

"Yeah...but if I shall be honest, I would like to keep that in the interrogation room.", Connor admitted.

"Well...but from time to time…", Kat said with a wink and let the sentence unspoken.

Connor chuckled, cupped her chin to raise it so he could meet her lips for another sweet and caring kiss.

"I will see you at home?", Connor asked low. Kat looked into his soft brown eyes and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm already looking forward to it.", Kat answered and checked her appearance in the mirror. She smoothed her hair one last time before she went to the door to step out. "Watch it, dipshit!", Kat snapped as she left the bathroom. She pushed Gavin aside who looked confused at her as he was about to enter the restroom.

"Wrong restroom, you idiot!", Gavin called out and shook his head. Kat's only response to him was showing her middle finger while she went into the kitchen for a coffee. Gavin was about to open the door to the restroom once again as the next person stepped out and almost crashed into him.

"Watch i-", Gavin started but stopped as he noticed Connor in front of him who fixed the knot of his tie while he walked through the door.

"Detective Reed.", Connor said politely with a nod and passed a speechless looking Gavin to go back to his desk.

"But- what the hell.", he muttered, confused before he entered the restroom finally.

[turkisherlockian]

Books and Sins | Chapter Two [Benedict Cumberbatch AU]

Hello everyone! I'm Cer but you might remember me as @rosamundhr a.k.a. Rosamund, it was my nickname but I've changed my mind and I will use my own name Ceren, now. (Cer for short hehehe) Unfortunately I lost access to @rosamundhr so I will keep posting my stories here! I hope you enjoy it and I apologise for making you all wait for so long! Love you all, stay safe. 😸❤️

Summary: Katherine is a fan of Timothy Carlton, the writer who she knows nothing about. No photos, no interviews, no information, not even his age. And one day, a man comes into her life who claims to be her classmate from high school. But through the time, she has a gut feeling something is... Wrong.

Warnings: Mature content, self harm, violence, swearing.

Word count: 1855

Feedbacks are much appreciated and so motivating!

Chapter One

---

  Katherine woke up with a weird feeling inside her chest. She was mad at herself for being like this: She could like someone so easily and fall in love with them soon after. It was not her fault though, he was really charming. Too good looking to like her back. However, she tried to convince herself that she just liked him and was attracted to him because he was a writer and well... Handsome as fuck. Not to mention his gentlemanly behaviour. Taking a deep breath, she reached out for her phone to tell her best friend about it. She didn't really have lots of friends and she never complained about it, she liked solitude.

  She scolded herself for being that excited about the thought of seeing him again. He was the very first thing that was on her mind in the morning and she wanted to talk to him again. So badly.

  K: Morning!

  S: Morning to you too 🤣

You're texting me 'morning' since when?

  K: Stop being sarcastic. Can't I be nice to my best friend?

  S: Of course you can, I'm kidding. I just wondered what made you this cheerful... Or who, I should say.

  K: You know who.

  S: Oh do I?

  K: Come on, Samantha! The man I met yesterday. I can't get him out of my mind, I don't know what happened to me but he's like... Cigarette.

  S: You're smoking? Since when???

  K: Of course I don't! It was just an example, idiot. Just can't get him out of my mind. What do I do?

  S: Text him maybe?

You won't seem desperate, don't worry. I am sure he found you attractive as well and he might even be in love with you.

  K: Okay, no need to exaggerate.

What do I say, good morning or hi?

  S: It doesn't matter!

  K: Okay, I'll text you later.

Are you sure I won't seem desperate?

  S: JUST TEXT HIM FOR GOD'S SAKE!

  K: OKAY I WILL!

  S: Don't forget to tell me about it. I gotta go now, talk to you later. xxx

  K: Bye! ❤️

---

There was something different about him. Did she like him because he was attractive or because he was nice to her? She had to admit that he was attractive, but there was something else in his voice, in his looks, in the way he talked. She actually found him beautiful.

  Taking a deep breath, she finally decided to text him.

  K: Good morning. :)

  Was he still asleep? Maybe he was at work. Wait, do writers go to work? Maybe he had another job. Maybe not. Maybe he just did not want to talk to her... Why wasn't he replying?!

  She sighed in frustration as she took a big sip from her coffee and burned her tongue.

  B: Morning, Katherine.

How are you? :)

  He finally replied after 10 minutes. She bit her lip as her heart skipped a beat, and started typing.

  K: I'm good! Getting ready to go to school.

  K: I mean work.

  God, I'm an idiot, she thought.

  K: How about you?

  B: Just got out of shower, that's why I replied late by the way. Sorry about that. :)

  K: I was wondering if you would like to meet again sometime.

  She grinned as she bit her lip, that's what she always did when she was nervous or excited.

---

  K: I would love that! When will you be free?

  B:I'm always available for you.

Whenever you'd like. :)

  She started squealing in excitement. What did he just say?!

  K:I'm free in the afternoon.

  B: Wonderful. How about the café we met?

  K: Sounds good. Is 2PM okay for you?

  B: Yes. I am looking forward to it, Katherine.

  K: So am I. :)

I gotta go now, see you later. x

  B: Have a good day. See you. x

  She looked at her watch and she was 30 minutes late already. Without telling Samantha about it, she started to get ready in a hurry.

  She was never late for work, so no one was upset with her being late.

---

  ''...And my mum said I'm out of my mind!''

  Katherine just could not get him out of her mind, and she hated it. She did listen to her counselee but couldn't pay any attention, and now she was crying. She gave her a tissue, ''I understand you, Jane, and I hope telling me about it made you feel better. I know how difficult it is for you, but I have a suggestion. When I was your age, I found a way to deal with my problems: being your own counselor.'' She smiled warmly.

  ''My own counselor? How?'' The young girl sniffled.

  ''I imagined that I was told about everything I am going through, and I had to find them a way out. Think of it as if you're reading your life in third person of view. I did it for years and I still do when I don't want to tell people about my feelings. Plus, I found out that it was scientifically proven in college, so it is safe and it actually works. How does that sound?''

  She wiped her tears, ''I can try...''

  ''So tell me, what would you say to yourself if you were someone else?''

  ''I think I would say that maybe..." She sniffled, "Maybe her mother wasn't feeling good as well.''

  Katherine smiled, ''That's it! You are right. We all have problems that we don't want to tell the others and sometimes we might burn out on people we care about the most without being aware of it. You can ask your mother if she is feeling alright, it doesn't matter whether you are still upset with her or not; maybe you can help her as well just like you just helped yourself. That was very brave of you, in my opinion.'' She smiled wholeheartedly.

  The girl who was just crying smiled and said ''Thank you very much, Miss Daelan. It's going to be the first thing I'm gonna do when I'm home.''

  ''You're welcome. Feel free to talk to me anytime.'' She got up to open the door for her and then left the room as well before checking her phone.

3 new messages from Samantha

  S: Hey! Send screenshots!!!

Are you there?

Kath!

  K: I'm sorryyyy I was late to work already and then forgot to text you.

Here you go:

*screenshots*

  S: I told you that he liked you as well, he is flirting with you!

  K: No he's not!

  S: He adores you!

  K: You are really exaggerating.

  ''Miss Daelan, do you have a minute?'' Katherine looked up at the principle, "Yes, Mr Brealey."

  K: The principle wants to talk to me, I'll ttyl xxx

  S: What did he say?

  The old man opened his room's door for Katherine, she smiled and walked inside. He gestured her to sit down, "Please, have a seat." he said and closed the door. After sitting down, he cleared his throat and said "Miss Daelan, I... Erm..."

  He loosened his tie, couldn't dare to look at Katherine. His cheeks were red and there was a thin layer of sweat on his forehead. The young woman frowned a little, listening to him in curiosity. "I've known you since the day you started working here and... I must say that you are the most intelligent, kind, beautiful woman I have ever seen... I can't take my eyes off you because you're an amazing woman and I... I love you."

  Katherine was shocked, didn't know what to say at first. She did not feel honored at all, she was disgusted. "Excuse me? I thought you were married!"

  "Yes but I don't love my wife, I'm going to divorce her soon; you must understand Miss Daelan, I love you! Please give me a chance..." And now she felt her blood boil in her veins.

"I am sorry but it's never gonna happen. I suggest you to divorce your wife as soon as possible to keep her away from an asshole like you." Katherine stood up angrily and walked towards the door, "But Miss D--" and she shut the door.

  K: FUCKING HELL!

He said he loves me!

He's fucking married, Samantha!

*seen*

Are you there?

*seen*

  K: I guess you are busy

I'm going home to get ready, talk to you later xxx

  S: Sorry, I had to deal with a costumer

What a prick!!!

How dare he?

I want to kill him.

  K: Violence is never the answer but yeah, I pity on his wife to be honest. He even has children.

ANYWAY

WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?

S: Whatever you're comfortable with. :)

  K: How about a dress?

The one I wore when we last met?

  S: You look so hot in it 🔥

Wear that one!

  K: It covers all of my body, it's kinda tight and there's NO WAY I can look hot in it. I don't want to look pretentious anyway.

  S: Anything you wear looks good on you, love!

  K: Gay. 🤭

  S: Shut up. Wear it!

  K: LOL sorry!

I gotta go nowww

  S: Tell me all about it when you're home, IF you go back home ;) Good luck!

  K: I WILL and thanks! ❤️

  The young woman sighed as she tried to find her keys. She was still mad at the principal and it was frustrating her.

  After a short shower, she dried her hair with a towel and let her curls down on her shoulders. She wore the dress and looked in the mirror, It actually looks good, she thought. After applying some makeup and wearing her favourite her perfume, she was ready. She didn't like to wait and hated making the others wait for her as well, so she left her flat at 1:30PM. It took her 15 minutes to get to the café and she realized that she wasn't the only one who was punctual.

  "Hi..." She said as she walked towards the man she couldn't get out of her mind. He was wearing a brown jumper with beige trousers and she breathed his masculine, minty cologne in. Her heart was beating faster already.

  "Oh, hi, Katherine!" He stood up and for one second she didn't know what to do. Should she shake his hand or kiss his cheek? Or hug him? The young man leaned down and kissed her cheek before hugging her, she was shaking inside.

  He felt her body close to his. He felt her delicate, pale skin; and her linden scent made him feel dizzy. Her arms hugged his chest and he felt her plump, beautiful breasts. He watched her dress tighten around her curves as she moved.

  She was so beautiful and he could barely keep his hands to himself. He could kiss and take her right there, but didn't. He had to control himself until she submitted to him, which wasn't going to take long because it was in her blood. Submitting, obeying, and being his. He just knew it, and he was going to take what belonged to him. Katherine, belonged to him.

---

Chapter Three

Please let me know what you think! ❤️

[ana-benn]

Inspired by this interview:

If Only You Knew

Jamie Benn friends to lovers story featuring: angst, fluff, and a whole lot of miscommunication.

When you'd first accepted a job as the Stars PR assistant you figured you'd stay a few months, boost your resume, and move on. Quickly though you found yourself falling in love with the guys, and the job. It was fun to just be able to interact with them on a human level, and the fact that you knew the sport helped. They trusted you, so when your boss couldn't handle something you were called in. Especially if it was something pitiful. A guy wanted to do dinner and talk about getting his face out there more, or dealing with a girlfriend fall out. It usually fell on you.

The best part about the job was the friends you'd made, and for the first time in your life you had a beat friend. You and Jamie had instantly bonded, both being the ones who preferred sitting off by yourselves during events and parties. Of course the addition of Boston's resident playboy had originally put a damper on things, but they'd found a balance. Each bringing out the best in the other. It was endearing really, and you found yourself enjoying a different side of your best friend.

Gone was the shy behavior replaced by a new confidence and a desire to just be as good as he could. You found this new side of Jamie more and more attractive. At the same time it seemed all of a sudden the guy who'd schedule meetings when Tom, your boss, was busy so you'd have a built in excuse to have a mid-week hang out day was gone and all of a sudden he started dating like crazy. You'd spent so long taking for granted that Jamie was just as much of a workoholic as you, it was a shock to the system when he started bailing on your biweekly movies and junk food sessions. He wasn't able to eat crap that often, and you tried to eat right typically so it was a fun night, and one you both looked forward to.

Now here you stood in his dining room for the first time in months, after a decent but ultimately disappointing season, setting out a spread. Wings, pizza, beer, every kind of chip Jamie had in his pantry, with ice cream in the freezer for later. Your own growing interest in him romantically was under control at the idea of just spending quality time with your best friend.

"Hey!" Jamie greeted walking downstairs. "That smells amazing, but I've got to bail tonight. Jordie is on his way with crappy movies though so you and him can definitely hang out."

"Oh," was all you could think to say, trying to hide the disappointment on your face. "That's okay I'll just head home then."

"Come on, don't be like that. Jordie loves your company," Jamie tried.

"I like his too, but I kinda thought it would be nice to spend time with you," you tried to cover. "Don't worry about it. Another time."

"Come on, just hang out with Jordie. It's not like you have other plans," Jamie said walking to the living room.

You followed him, anger bubbling up, "I'm sorry?"

"Look you're here, right? So you didn't make plans, so hang out with Jordie, so you aren't alone," Jamie shrugged.

"I didn't make plans, because I thought you were making time for me for once." You muttered.

"What was that?" Jamie asked, you could sense his frustration mounting too.

"Jamie," you started, pausing to control your anger. "If you don't want to spend time with me that's fine. But don't pretend okay? I'm a big girl. I can find someone else to spend time with, you don't need to pawn me off on your brother."

"I'm not pawning you off," Jamie tried to placate you. "I just forgot Segs set up a double date, and I promised I'd come."

"Jamie, you don't have to do this," you sighed rubbing your fingers over your face.

"Obviously I do," he retorted.

"Jamie, just be honest!" You said exasperated.

"Honest about what, exactly?"

"You make time for the things you care about," you felt the break in your voice. "Don't pretend to care about me if you can't be damned to show it."

"Can we try irrational for $1000," Jamie snarked.

"I just can't do this anymore!" You yelled, furious. His mocking was the end of your rope.

"Really?" Jamie shouted back, sarcastically, "I thought you were being a bitch for no reason."

"You know what Jamie," you fumed. "Fuck you. I'm leaving." You went to grab your purse off the dining room table, where dinner sat getting cold.

"Fine," came his cold reply. "Lose my fucking number while you're at it."

"Bye Jamie," you said shutting his front door behind you.

You felt yourself fighting tears wondering how it came to this. Two hours ago you were excited, looking forward to a nice relaxing evening. Now it seemed everything was falling apart.

You made it into your car, and halfway to your apartment before the tears fell. You sucked it up long enough to get home, and before you'd even made it to you room your heart shattered. You laid in the hallway for an undeterminable amount of time, before the tears stopped. Your eyes hurt from crying so hard, and it felt like your heart had been removed from your body. You felt like you should call someone, anyone really, but the only voice you wanted to hear was the one who left you this sobbing waif.

It wasn't fair to expect Jamie to act any different really. You were the idiot who caught feelings, not him. He was free to date or spend his time however he wanted to. You just wanted the courtesy of him saying it, instead you lashed out and watched the friendship you'd built crumble.

That caused a new round of sobs as you thought you heard something in your hallway. You wrote it off as you focused on trying to calm your breathing. As you finally started to feel calm you heard a distinctive thump against your door. You slowly got up, wiping your face as best you could, thinking that there was a chance your elderly, Mr. Barnes, had fallen. You looked out your peephole and saw nothing. So you opened the door and before you could react you had a very drunk 6'2, 207 pound hockey player at your feet.

"It's you!" He exclaimed.

"Jamie?" You questioned. He nodded excitedly, "What are you doing here."

"I was drunk," he explained.

"I know that," you replied. "Why are you at my apartment instead of your house?"

"You've been crying," he announced finally getting up. You closed the door as he wandered to your couch, throwing himself on it. You hated how at home he looked here.

"Jamie, it's late I don't want to fight anymore. I'm going to get you a blanket," you said walking to your linen closet.

When you returned he looked at you with sad eyes, "I never want to fight with you."

"Jamie, I'm sorry about what I said okay. My feelings were hurt," you tried to soothe. He wasn't in a place to have a real conversation, but you knew he wouldn't sleep without something.

"You hurt mine first," he mumbled. His voice sounding much more sober suddenly.

"What?"

"You went out with Ben what's-his-face. I wanted to punch his face, but noooo. Tyler said I had to just let you realize we were perfect together, but you never did," he sounded so sad and broken.

"Jamie," you sighed out. But before you could say anything he was asleep.

You eventually made your own way to bed, determined to talk to Jamie tomorrow.

------------------------

The next morning you greeted Jamie with a bottle of water and Tylenol, "Here." You felt suddenly very shy with him, not knowing how today would go.

"Thanks," he mumbled downing all of it in one go. "How'd I get here?"

"I was hoping you knew."

"All I know is we fought, I went to my stupid dinner and I think I drank the place," he said rubbing his head. "Oh God, what did I say to you?" He suddenly jerked his head up.

"A lot actually. Apparently I hurt your feelings?" You said, not wanting to have this conversation, and also desperately wanting to have it.

"Look, I had feelings for you, but your my best friend. I shouldn't lash out like that, I'm sorry," Jamie apologized.

"What if I have feelings for you?" You asked, shyly meeting his brown eyes.

"Then, we have a new conversation to have," he said gulping slightly.

"I don't think so," you said, sliding your leg over his seating yourself on his leg. His hands immediately wrapping around your waist. "I think it's best if we just start right here." You kissed him softly.

"Now," you said, getting off him and taking his hand. "Neither of us got any sleep, so come with me." You pulled him back to your bed room onto your bed. As you both got situated his arms wrapped around you and your head rested on his shoulder. "We can't figure everything else out after we sleep," you whispered as you felt his lips against your head.

@captainbenn sorry it took so long. I already started a part two!

[sunsetsover]

Just hopping on the anons last week who said they'd done reading around BPD and Ben etc after reading your posts to say... when Whitney told Ben he makes everything about himself in this week's eps I immediately thought of you! Like lemme explain lmao I remember last year you wrote about how lots of fans said Ben was making everything about him when him and Callum had that argument about the warehouse job in Sept.? And you wrote about how you viewed it and how looking at Ben through a lense of mh goes a different interpretation etc. Idk Whitney saying that just made me recall your thoughts on the fandom saying the same thing lmao.

(although tbh I didn't think Whitney was v fair saying that anyway bc how was he meant to know Callum had witnessed a stabbing etc?? He wasn't making it about himself he was simply worrying about the info he had access to???)

no joke i literally thought the exact same thing after i watched it yesterday. not the post (tho i do remember what you're talking about!) but i was like 'oh ben's behaviour is VERY bpd' like probably the most obvious example we've had since 2019 maybe and then i was like man.... how many people are going to have Bad Takes abt ben's behaviour and how he's 'selfish' and then i was thinking abt what whit said and it reminded me of something i heard once and i've tried to find it but i can't and i'm gutted bc it made so much sense but it was abt how bpd are often viewed as selfish or making everything abt us but we do that bc we literally feel like everything IS because of us/our fault. it's literally a Symptom. like when you're hypersensitive and terrified of everyone abandoning you EVERYTHING feels personal.

like someone's in a bad mood? clearly i have done something to put them in a bad mood. someone doesn't reply? clearly they hate me. you smile at someone in public and they don't smile back? clearly they can sense something is Wrong with me and didn't want to engage. either that or they think i'm hideously ugly. that's the default assumption, that it's somehow something to do with me. not that they're going thru their own shit or that they're busy or tired. and then when we're talking abt someone you're close too, the fear of abandonment comes into play where you either start to push them away bc you're convinced they're gonna leave anyway or frantically do things or change things to help convince them to stay, and both of these can go very extreme. and ofc it's not logical but we can't help it. i'm always saying this to people in my life: i know how i'm feeling/what i'm doing isn't logical and it doesn't make sense, but i literally can't help it. it's like the sensible you is locked in the back of your brain forced to witness all of your own bs but they're literally powerless to do anything about it.

which is also why i can understand under the hysteria of your own fear of abandonment and hypersensitivity why ben could convince himself callum was gonna leave him for whitney. like ofc i get why ppl would find that unrealistic and offensive, but i can't NOT see him as bpd, and when you have bpd that fear of abandonment is so so incredibly pervasive that you start thinking things like that and convince yourself that they're real. like you genuinely believe them. and someone of sound mind is like 'that doesn't make any sense, he's gay' but like.... that almost is irrelevant to a certain degree. your own belief that you're so unlovable and that everyone is going to leave you holds SO much weight in your mind, more than even reality itself.

like you could almost compare it to hallucination. reality and logic dictates that it's impossible for there to be a man crawling on the ceiling, but if you can see it and hear it and feel it then ofc you're going to believe it's real. reality and logic become irrelevant bc you KNOW it's there, even though it isn't, u know? it's the same kind of thing: reality says ofc callum isn't gonna propose to whitney when he's married and literally gay, but that all-consuming fear of abandonment is so much louder when it says 'he's lying, he's sneaking around w his ex, he's not talking to you about anything, he's got a ring, ofc he's gonna propose to her, she didn't ask him to quit his job or force him into a position where he had to lie for months, ofc he was gonna leave, he just married you out of pity, this is all your fault, you don't deserve happiness or love bc you're a bad person lmao what did you even expect?' etc u know

if i'm being completely honest if i were in ben's shoes i could EASILY see myself being convinced my gay partner is gonna leave me for their ex of the opposite sex. like worryingly easily. and tbh between that and what was going on with kheerat, i actually think he coped surprisingly well. like i genuinely thought that yesterday that if i was in his situation i probably would have reacted much worse and been in much worse a state than he was. and i'm not just saying that, i think his growth since 2019 is obvious in how tame his reaction to it all was tbh.

i realize probably no one will bother but if anyone really is interested and wants to understand more then u should watch this video. i've timestamped it at the first point bc if nothing else u should listen to that bc it helps explain what i've said in a much better way esp the example abt clearing out the garage but the whole video is really good and i would love for some ppl to watch it. like i know it's half hour and that's a long time and also the interviewer is obnoxious and p insensitive but the doctor herself is really good and explains everything i've been trying to explain in a MUCH better way than i ever could and i think it will really help you understand what it's like to be someone bpd and what it actually means for day to day life

like i realize i've completely gone off on one w this and im sorry but i have opinions and i just want people to understand you know?? not necessarily for ben as a character but for all the ppl out there w bpd bc !!!! no one gives a fuck abt us they just misunderstand us and then do literally nothing to try and understand us when we try to explain ourselves so to have ppl actually engaging in this dialogue w me makes me very excited and i try to explain as much as i can while i have the opportunity u know lmao so i very much appreciate you and getting messages like this thank you 💞💞💞

[lovinbeats]

        what’s  up .  it’s  ur  girl  sunny (she/they) !!   i  am  a  complete  disaster  most  of  the  time  but  here  i  am !!   i  LOVE  red  velvet  and  just  yeri  in  general  tbh  ...  she’s  my  babie .  i’m  excited  to  get  things  started  on  here  so  feel  free  to  message  me  here  or  on  line  for  plotting !!

dani’s  stats  can  be  found  here ,   but  i’m  still  working  on  a  biography  for  her   ( that  will  come  one  day  i  promise ) .   she  loves  books  and  coffee  and  can  typically  be  found  at  grindr  either  working  or  not     ---     perhaps  she  has  an  addiction  to  coffee .

dani's  life  was  typical  of  any  other  middle - class  family's .   the  youngest  of  two  ;  parents  who  were  too  busy  to  pay  any  attention  to  their  child  and  an  older  brother  who ,   at  six  years  older  than  herself ,  had  no  interest  in  the  young  girl .

her  first  year  of  education  was  less  than  desirable .   she  acted  out ,   threw  fits  beyond  belief ,   screamed  for  attention  that  she  was  never  given  at  home .   diagnoses  were  thrown  in  her  direction ,   medication  pumped  into  her  like  her  life  depended  on  it .   she  became  a  lifeless  mass ,   a  child  without  a  personality .   it  was  decided  that  she  would  finish  out  her  education  in  a  private  school ,   starting  from  the  age  of  six .

she  spent  years  in  this  setting ,   class  sizes  so  small  she  never  did  learn  how  to  interact  with  others .   she  became  a  hermit ,   shying  away  from  interactions  and  always  having  a  nose  in  a  book .    she  still  yearned  for  the  attention  that  her  parents  gave  her  brother ,   the  beloved  son  they'd  always  wanted .   she  lived  out  lives  she  could  never  dream  up  on  her  own  in  the  pages  sewn  into  bindings  that  fell  apart  at  her  fingertips .  

she'll  never  forget  the  night  her  brother  answered  the  phone ,   voice  cracking  like  he'd  just  woken  up .   maybe  he  had ,   it  was  two  in  the  morning  after  all .   she'd  been  invited  out ,   a  young  fifteen  year  old  girl  who  just  wanted  to  fit  in .   and  after  hours  of  pretending  to  be  someone  she  wasn't ,   she  called  the  only  person  she  knew  wouldn't  scream  in  her  face  for  all  the  horrible  decisions  she'd  made .

he  never  did  show  up .   she'd  walked  home  that  night ,   confusion  and  anger  heavy  on  her  heart .   she  thought  of  all  the  things  she'd  say  to  him  when  she  saw  him  next    ;    she  didn't  know  she'd  never  see  him  again .  

it  was  hard  on  the  entire  family ,   on  the  entire  town .   star  football  player  who  had  gotten  himself  a  full - ride  scholarship  to  harvard  .    he  was  destined  to  do  so  many  things .   after  his  death ,  everything  changed .

her  family  was  no  longer  typical ,   her  mother  became  addicted  to  presecription  painkillers  and  she   wasn't  even  sure  her  father  was  the  same  person  anymore - everything  made  him  so  angry .   they  blamed  her  of  course ,   for  dragging  him  out  that  night  when  he'd  been  far  too  tired  to  drive .   she  blamed  herself  more  than  anyone ,   hated  herself  every  minute  she  was  alive  and  he  wasn't .  

she  was  angry .   she  was  angry  at  her  mother  and  father  for  losing  themselves ,   she  was  angry  at  the  town  for  painting  the  dead  boy  into  a  spectacle  to  be  gawked  at ,   she  was  angry  at  her  parents  for  never  giving  her  the  comfort  she  needed  -  for  always  blaming  her  with  such  hatred .   she'd  killed  their  precious  boy .   she  was  mostly  angry  at  herself ,   for  never  missing  him .

all  she  knew  was  anger .   soon  enough ,  she  was  kicked  out  of  her  academy  -  fighting  on  school  grounds .   dani's  anger  found  itself  manifested  in  her  songs  -  songwriting  always  her  best  outlet  even  as  a  child .   she  met  cole  in  the  midst  of  her  rage ,   and  found  herself  enjoying  his  company  more  than  she'd  like  to  admit .   something  about  him  seemed  to  calm  it  all  a  bit .   joining  his  band  was  the  last  puzzle  piece  she   knew  she'd  been  missing .

adulthood  came  in  a  flash  and  she  knew  it  before  her  18th  birthday  even  arrived  -  she'd  not  be  welcome  for  as  long  as  she  was  a  legal  adult .  there  were  too  many  painful  memories  there .   no  parent  wants  to  see  their  child's  killer  every  day .

wanted connections

roommate  -  just  as  it  sounds .  dani  placed  an  ad  to  find  a  place  to  crash  for  a  while  but  it  turned  out  to  be  better  than  she’d  thought !! 

older  brother’s  best  friend  -  dani’s  older  brother  was  a  social  butterfly ,  known  as  one  of  the  town’s  nicest .   after  his  death  everything  was  so  awkward  and  the  town  began  to  separate  themselves  from  the  family  -  his  best  friend  was  one  of  them ,   but  never  lost  touch  with  dani .

like  two  peas  in  a  pod  -  dani  spends  so  much  of  her  time  at  grindr ,  she  forgets  that  she  should  probably  be  a  decent  human  being  and  talk  to  her  friends .   this  muse  doesn’t  seem  to  mind  though  and  often  joins  her  in  her  unproductive  daydreaming  escapades

no  ‘ miss  proper ’  -  don’t  be  fooled .  the  private  school  life  in  stone  harbor  was ,  if  anything ,  a  way  for  parents  to  just  say  they  were  trying  new  methods  for  their  children  who  ‘ couldn’t  succeed  in  a  traditional  environment ’ .  code  for  :  ‘ i  have  a  ton  of  money  and  a  child  who  won’t  stop  screaming  at  the  teachers ’.  once  dani  was  kicked  out ,  there  were  no  other  options  -  she  was  forced  to  attend  the  high  school  she  so  dreaded .  nothing  was  worse  than  hearing  the  pitiful  sorry  after  sorry  when  they’d  come  to  find  out  who  she  was  (  more  like  whose  sister  she  was  ) .   this  muse  didn’t  seem  to  notice  at  all ,   and  also  happened  to  be  one  of  the  only  people  who  didn’t  mock  her  for  her  previous  education ,  assuming  her  to  be   ‘ miss proper ’

[leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst]

ENGLISH TRANSLATION ( Jeannette Nobbe)

VOLSKRANT.NL 31/01/20

by Mennon Pot

https://www.volkskrant.nl/cultuur-media/conchita-wurst-sorry-dat-ik-zo-n-wandelend-cliche-ben~b0477817/

(Conchita) Wurst: 'I'm sorry I'm a walking cliché'.

Above all we know Conchita Wurst as the bearded 'female 'singer who won the ESC in 2014. But we've moved on and are a bit wiser. It´s just Wurst now, but the beard is still there.

With light feathered steps, Thomas Neuwirth (31) enters the conference room of the hotel in Groningen where he is staying: black combat boots, black leather pants, tight black T-shirt, the black beard and the perfect short trimmed jet black hair..

He introduces himself as Tom. It's not difficult to recognise the bearded drag queen Conchita in him. (Kopenhagen, 2014, remember?) but the dress and wig are stowed away for a while. Conchita has a sort of sabbatical, so to speak.

Neuwirth is on tour as a man. Stage name: Wurst. Yesterday evening he performed in Groningen; the next concert will be 7 february at the Melkweg in Amsterdam. His new album 'Truth over Magnitude' also carries the artist´s name Wurst.

Let's get this straight: when the subject is Conchita Wurst, the word 'transgender' sometimes comes a long. Wrongly. Neuwirth is a man, ('but incredibly gay, of course'), who has a choice from now on: being on tour as a drag queen (Conchita) or as a man (Wurst) .

´a lot of fun, being a masculine stage persona', he says. Conchita will turn up again somewhere else.

Holland appreciated Conchita's 'Rise like a Phoenix' with the highest score, almost 6 years ago.

Neuwirth didn't forget: twelve points, douze points from Holland for the bearded diva from Austria.

Then hectic years followed. 'After the Song Contest I thought, I have to make the most of it now, build my fame and cash it in. So I surrounded myself with all kinds of experts, managers, stylists, make/up artists, the whole circus. After 3 years I was exhausted. I couldn´t do it anymore. I told my audience every nigh, be yourself, believe in yourself. But along the way, I forgot myself.´

He got rid of the experts’ circus and is having a relaxed tour now, with a small entourage. He feels good again, although in 2018 he had to announce he is infected with the HIV virus. His manager politely asks, almost in an humble manner, not to talk about that.

Tom doesn´t appear to be very worried about that. There has seldom been a star who starts an interview so cheerfully. ´A great photo shoot and after that talk about things I find beautiful and fun.

Terrific, I was already looking forward to it when I came out of bed.´

´Curriculum Vitae'

1988 – Born as Thomas Neuwirth in Gmunden, Austria

2007 – Candidate at the talentshow Starmania, and boyband Jetzt anders!

2011 – Debut as female persona Conchita Wurst, the debut single `I´ll be there´

2012 - Second place at the Austrian Songfestival

2014 – ESC winner with ´Rise like a Phoenix

2015 – First album ´Conchita´, co-presenter ESC

2018 – Second album ´From Vienna with Love´

2019 – Debut as male stage persona ´Wurst´, third album ´Truth over Magnitude´

2020 – Wurst ´Trust over Magnitude´ Sony Music

Wurst will be performing in the Melkweg in Amsterdam on February 7

SOUNDTRACK

Music from the Motion Picture Titanic ...1997

´My first CD. I was 9 years old when I bought it. `My heart will go on´’changed my life´. As it were, Céline Dion gave me permission to be utterly dramatic and to be over the top. When I came out of the closet, I heard that song in my head.

It was also a liberation for me as a singer. My mom always sang with a thin, high falsetto voice. I thought that was how it should be. Dion taught me, you may yell as hard as you can, with all the power you have in you. When you sing so loud, you can’t fake it. The sound you push out of your body, is the sound of your body, unique and by definition authentic. Céline Dion taught me that singing is something really physical.´

SERIES

The Crown ..Netflix..., 2016 until 2019

´For me it´s getting difficult to watch a movie to the end. I guess that´s because of all the series on Netflix and HBO. My favorite is `The Crown´.. ´the intro alone is so beautiful, that liquid gold that forms a crown, such art. I used to watch it twice. Ít says something about the fact that I can´t choose between the two women who play Elizabeth and the two men who play prince Philip. All the actors are great. The costumes, the stories, the palaces, it´s so delightful. The history also intrigues me, after every episode I checked on Wikipedia if it was really what had happened.

PARTIES

´At Christmas I always come back to Vienna. I love the lights, glitters and decorations, my inner Mariah Carey is looking forward to it every year. Christmas 2019 was extra special because it had been a long time since the whole family came together at my grandmother´s house.´

I would love it to be like that every year... A couple of days being together in one home. Talking, getting to really know my family. Maybe now you think, days on and on with uncles and aunts, such horror! It is easy to say that I don´t really have much in common with these people. But I do, Really. They all have a story and similarities with your stories. Ask them about your life and tell them about yours.´

That´s what Christmas is all about to me. To me, the birth of Jesus has not that much to do with it.´

ISLAND..

I have an agreement with my best friends to go on vacation at least once every two years. We have been to Mykonos a couple of times, THE especially gay island. I´m sorry I sound like a walking cliché.´

The sun, the sea, the beaches, the small streets, so cosy. We rent a house with a pool and for a week or two we live in our own little paradise, actually being a bit tipsy the whole time. Go shopping and cook.´

`What´s also very important, on Mykomos, the wind is always blowing the right way. I love to watch the women, because their dresses and their hair flutter so beautifully.´

STYLE ICON

Victoria Beckham

I was and still am a big Spice Girls fan and I especially admire Victoria Beckham, because she lives her life the way she wants. She appears in tabloids every day, but has survived a crisis in her relationship and has stayed happy with the love of her life and her family. I think that it´s really strong.´

In regard to her style, she can go from very classy to very trashy, I like that. One day she´s wearing a designer dress, the next she and David Beckham are walking in identical jogging suits. She couldn’t care less. I think that it´s inspiring.´

´I think she is utterly authentic, raging through the glamour. Although I have never met her, I´m sure that I could have a lot of fun with her. I´d love to drink some tequila with her for an afternoon or so.´

AGE

30

´I thought becoming 30 was really special, I lost my wild behaviour, came to be more restful. Some way or another I think a lot about some things my mother said: in my twenties, I ignored those lessons, but now I´m 30, I suddenly realised she was right for example how important family and friends are.

I´m 31 now, I have inner peace and my life in order, but I still feel young. I´m convinced that this the best period of my life´. My advise to everybody... be 30.´

ALBUM

Recomposed by Max Richter / The Four Seasons ..2012

I don´t play any instruments and until not too long ago, I didn´t really know much about music. I really found that a pity sometimes. Fortunately, my good friend Martin studies at the School of Musical Arts... !! He´s studying the history of music intensely and tells me about a lot of great composers. I learn a lot from that.´´I never understood classical music and didn´t really know anything about it, but thanks to the listening sessions with Martin I fell in love with Vivaldi..

The pop artist of the classical artists.

´Max Richter interpreted Vivaldi´s Four Seasons and composed it in a modern fashion. It´s a modern, post minimalistic piece, completely different from the original one, but you still recognise it. Greatly done, at the moment it´s my favorite album.´

BOOK

Friedrich Schiller « Ueber die aesthetische Erziehung des Menschen ». About the aesthetic upbringing of the people..´

´A good friend advised me to read the philosophical letters from Friedrich Schiller ..Letters, 1794-1795)

That´s a hard job to do. Because of the old fashioned German I had to read some sentences 5 times. You always have to wrestle yourself through a thick layer of 18th century sexism.

´But further on you´ll find something beautiful. Schiller writes a lot about finding your inner beauty and your own truth. Dare to be yourself. Embrace your darker sides. Those are important as well.´

´At the same time he preaches self-perspective.. don´t take yourself too seriously, you´re not the center of the universe. That is very worthy to me. Namely because I DO think I´m the center of the universe, haha.

`Still it´s very wise of him, to send a message from 1795 to a 21st century queen with a Mariah Carey complex.´

CLUB

Circus in Vienna

´The Arena is a huge complex in Vienna, a concert building with a mega discotheque. A couple of times a year they organize Circus, my favorite gay club night. I always go there with my group of closest friends, but it´s actually a bit of a rule that we lose each other and disappear into the crowd.´

´I roam around all night- Every room, every floor has its own musical theme and decoration. I love the types of people I meet there, their clothes, their fetishisms, everything.´

….Arena Vienna, Baumgasse 80, Vienna

CITY

Amsterdam

´I live in Vienna, I love Vienna and I will always come back there, but the greatest city I´ve been to is Amsterdam – since then I traveled all over the world so I know what I´m talking about.

´Of all the cities I visited, Amsterdam is the only one where I would want to live a period of time. So that´s what I´m gonna do, this summer, for a few months to begin with.´

´I can see that Amsterdam also has the flagship stores from all known store chains. And a lot of tourists, like every special city. But I see all these small jewelry shops where they sell their self-made jewelry. Little bakeries. Cosy streets. And a lot of water. I love water. I love cities with lots of water.´

[lareinenoir]

Bucky Barnes x My Black! OC pt III LAST CHAPTER

Warning: about 5k, use of the word n word, angst

@littlekidsteve

A/N; idk why it took me so long to post smh. But here is the last chapter. Enjoy!

"Barnes!" Shouted one of his buddies. "Gotta letter for you."

"Thanks." He said taking it from his hand, then sat back on the bunk with the envelope in his hand.

Bucky,

I was so close to getting in. I would have been on the first ride out of Brooklyn to fight. But the government isn't that desprate. "We don't need some stupid kid."

Don't pity me. They'll need me someday. Beggers can't be choosers, right?

Anyway, I did as you asked. I'm looking out for her. She's living her life and getting ready for a job interview. Her exams went very well and she had one of the highest scores. Margaret-Jane had a seizerure a couple weeks ago and I would have sent this sooner but no one wants to read news thats all bad.

She's happy and doing very well now. I managed to keep it a secret that you've been asking about her. Though I almost broke when she had asked about you. If you're wondering if Margaret-Jane still cares, then you have nothing to worry about. She does

She feels guilty for telling you not to think about her. She misses you and I see it when I talk to her about you.

My advice, when you come back don't waste time. Just ask her again and I guarantee you that she'll say yes. Margaret-Jane will need you now more than ever, Buck.

Your friend,

Steve

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"Hey." Steve waved as Margaret-Jane sits on the porch.

"Salut!" (Hi!) She waves back holding on her purse hugging him.

"How are you?" Steve asks "Both-"

"We are fine." Margaret-Jane replied with a hand on her little bump. "Kathleen gave me some pills and I take them everyday. No worries."

With his hands in his pocket he kicks the little rock on the ground. Margaret-Jane had been out of the hospital for a couple days and was told not to stress to much. Her grandmother already suspected but respected her granddaughter enough not to mention it.

"You sent your letter, oui?" She asked

"I did." Steve nods. "Don't worry, I didn't tell him. He won't know."

"Thank you. It is appreciated very much. I wouldn't even know how to tell him." She giggled flattening out her dress. "How does one even begin to explain that? I love him but what if he is not ready?"

"Bucky isn't like that. You know that." Steve said as they continued to walk down the street.

"Right. I knew that, I think it's just my nerves. Forgive me. Look I have an interview in thirty minutes. Perhaps we could finish this talk at another time."

"Of course." Steve nodded as she wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. "What's this for?"

"For being a good friend through all of this." She said. "You and Hector have been such good people to me since ma grand-mère and I moved here."

"No problem." He says as she places a kiss on his cheek making the little Steve Rogers blush. "Go on. You don't wanna be late." The shy blonde haired boy watched her walk away, shoving his hands back in his pockets.

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Sitting down in front of the head mistress, Margaret-Jane tried not to shake as much. She was nervous and her stare over her glasses wasn't helping.

"You have all the right paper work and this would be your first time working at a school?" Asks the headmistress

"Yes and no, Mrs. Powell." She tells her. "I've worked in a school before but just for experience back in France. I could have them give you a call if you'd-"

"No need Ms. Robinson." She shakes her head then stands. "I like your resume, but here you are noticeable. And it's up to you to work up to your potential. You'll find that you are the only colored teacher here and the parents can be quite...judgemental." said the headmistress as Margaret-Jane stands walking to the door. "Parlor Prep is a school for gifted children. Children who could change the world. And parents would want a teacher they can trust. You will have to work harder than any other teacher here because-"

"I am a woman of color." She said trying to smile through it as they walked the halls.

"Correct. You'll be leading your own class and of course you are responsible for everything. If one kid so much as fails a test, you are fired."

"Mrs. Powell, you are saying I'm hired?" Asks Margaret-Jane trying to sound casual but inside she was jumping.

"Yes, you are." The headmistress answers. "I'm sure you and your husband will be-"

"Pardon?" Margaret-Jane questions. "Husband?"

"Ms. Robinson, the application said you had to be married or engaged. In the past we've had men come and visit their significant other here at Parlor Prep and then the next week a different man. At one point it was one of the students father and when the mother found out things got out of hand." The headmistress informs her. "Since then, the teachers that come in have to be married or engaged to avoid a confortation like that."

"I see." Margaret-Jane nods lowley. She wasn't married and felt her heart sank. This was the school she wanted to work at. It paid a lot of money. It would get her and her grandmother out of that house and into a better one.

"Jane!" Shouted a voice making her turn around. "Jane!"

"Hector?" She asks frowning as to why he was shouting and running in the hall. "What on earth-"

"You forgot this. Your grandmother wanted me to bring it to you in case you have another seizure." Says Hector handing her the tiny pill bottle. "We need the both of you safe right?" He laughs

The headmistress, peeks over her glasses and extends her hand. "You must be Ms. Robinson's husband." Hector shakes her hand and laughs.

"Well you see-"

"Yes." Margaret-Jane says taking his hand into hers, locking them together securely. "He is. Hector this is headmistress, Powell. I was just about to tell her that you and I are finally engaged after so long. Engaged or Married to get the job." Giggled Margaret-Jane then looks to the headmistress. "It took him two years but be finally proposed." She gives Hector a stare

"Right." He catches on. "She was so beautiful when I first saw her. Still is. Now we are about to have our first kid-"

Margaret-Jane elbowed him and smiled through her teeth, "Darling, I didn't think that was important to tell headmistress Powell."

"Well that is important. Ms. Robinson, I hope this isn't going to a problem? The students come before anything outside this building."

"Right. I understand. My priority is here, promise."

"Good." She nods. "I'll see you here tomorrow. Your folder with your classroom number will be on it and so will the attendance sheet. At the end of the month you'll receive a two three-thousand dollar check. Don't disappoint me, Ms. Robinson."

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NINE MONTHS LATER

Bucky was working hard to make sergeant and when he finally did, he finally could walk around in glory.

The other men would roll their eyes but they still had respect. He was their sergeant now and he led them through morning drill and PT. He was glad because the pay was good bed get a giant rock to go on his lovers hand.

He meant it. Marrying her. She may not know it's coming or the world but he wanted too. Marrying Major was what he thought about everyday. When he was getting shot at from all direction. When he was wide awake in the trench firing his gun. When he did get that little bit of shut eye he dreamt of her.

Bucky was ready. Some of the men would give up but not him. He had something to fight for and Bucky didn't want to come home in a body bag. He didn't want to hurt Major all over again.

Bucky wanted to be their for her every step of the way and prove himself to her. What better way to do it with a ring that showed how much he loves her. How much we was willing to invest into her.

"James Barnes." Said his supirior. "You are on leave for a couple weeks."

"Well it's about damn time." He chuckles. "A few days makes a difference."

"You take care Barnes." Said one of his buddies patting him on the back. "And get that ring, ya hear?"

"You got it." He winked "When do I leave?"

"Fist thing tomorrow morning. Don't be late."

"Yes, sir."

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"You feeling any better, Jane?" Asks Hector seeing she was looking through some papers.

"Define better?" She answers grumpily. "I don't think I can do this any longer, I'm supposed to be glowing."

"Three more weeks Jane and it will all be worth it." Said Tommy laughing kissing his boyfriend on the cheek.

Hector and Jane did end up getting married. It worked out well for both of them. Hector didn't have to come out to his dad and when he did meet Margaret-Jane he was thrilled. He already planned the wedding but Margaret-Jane didn't want one.

"I'll wear white for Bucky and only him." She told Hector and he understood.

They got married at a courthouse and Hector and Tommy continued to sleep around in secret. Tommy would come over every week to the house, Hectors father bought and to everyone else he was just a friend.

Margaret-Jane got the job and was really good at it. Her grandmother used the money to open a bakery in the nicer part of town and no one would ever know about what was going on.

Not even Steve. Even though she wanted to tell him, she thought it was best to keep the people who knew small. Her grandmother didn't know and that was the way it had to be.

Steve understood and took the news of her engagement quite well. He understood women without a husband who was about to have a child wouldn't make it far. Those women were always looked down at and degraded.

A child out of wedlock or worse...a bastard.

"I love him and I'll never stop loving him Steve." She told him. "But this isn't just about my love for him anymore. I have a baby to think about and what's best for him or her. I know Hector will be a good father to my baby while he's gone. When Bucky comes back, he'll always be apart of its life if he wants too."

Steve kept that in mind. Margaret-Jane wasn't the betraying type even though it felt like that to him.

"Look, I have to get to work and I promised my grandmother Hector, you would visit." She said "She wanted to tryout a new macaroon flavor."

"Yeah sure." He nods helping her stand from off the couch.

Tommy gave her hug. "Tommy, do I look fat?"

"No way." He shakes his head kissing hers. "You look absolutely ravishing. Like a glowing angel. The midwife should be here later on today."

"Aw. You are sweet " She blushed "I'll see you both tonight."

Hector walked her to the door and drives Margaret-Jane to work.

Margaret-Jane started her class on time and greeted the students one by one. All dropped off by their mothers and all twelve of them entered into her class. She did loose quite a few, the mothers weren't to keen on there child having a black teacher.

A lot of the other teachers said teaching kindergarten was hard, but for her, it was easy. Margaret-Jane fell in love with their curious minds.

"Miss. Robinson?"

"Not now, Luke. I have to take attendance." She tells him

"Miss. Robinson, I have a question. A very important question." He interrupted again making her turn to him biting her lip.

"Ok, what is it, Luke?"

"My mommy and daddy said you used to date a white man." Luke said, as her body tensed up and she swallowed. "He said that a nigga shouldn't date outside of their race. Then mommy said that, everyone will know for sure if that baby belongs to a white man if he is mulatto."

Margaret-Jane didn't even think about that. Her baby was both black and white-

"Luke, do you think it's wrong for a black female and white male or vice versa to be in love?"

"Well..." He pokes his chin and shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe."

Margaret-Jane went up to the chalkboard and wrote the word in big letters, '

IGNORANT

• Lacking in knowledge

"Can anyone say this word for me?" Asks Margaret-Jane

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Bucky was back in Brooklyn in no time. He went straight to Steve's and asked him to come buy a ring with him.

"So...you are really doing it?" Asks Steve "Don't you think you should wait?"

"I've waited long enough. I wanna make it official, Steve. So...do you think she'll like it?"

"No doubt but her grandmother knows nothing of you-"

"Then I'll go to her today and ask for her blessing. I'm sure she'll say yes again." Bucky pays his best friend on the shoulder and walks out the store, shortly after paying for the ring.

"Tell me how everything goes. I'll see you at Starks presentation?" Asks Steve still not sure if they were going

"Yeah. I'll come and get you." He nods making his way down the street to Margaret-Jane neighborhood.

He adjusted his uniform and tried to look his best. Bucky knocked and stepped off the porch waiting for the door to open.

"Hello?" She asks opening the door. "And who might you be?"

"Hello Miss..."

"Mrs. Allard." She says with a smile as Bucky reaches out to shake her hand. A bit hesitant she shook it and asked, "Sergeant Barnes, is there something I can do for you?"

"Yes." He nods "I actually wanted to ask you'd something but I do have a lot of explaining to do and I wanted to come and ask you first..." He started to rant and all she did was smile and nod her head.

"Sergeant Barnes, if you're looking for Margaret-Jane then I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place. She's not here, but at work."

A bit shocked that she knew he was looking for Margaret-Jane, he was even more surprised when Mrs.Allard told him how she knew they were dating. "I'm not as old and clueless as my dear grand daughter thinks me to be. I know things. Besides, the neighbors told me that a few times you come over and sneak into her bedroom."

"Mrs. Allard I promise you nothing happened." Bucky says but was very confused as to why she was laughing as if it was a joke.

Mrs. Allard invited Bucky inside where he asked for her blessing and she agreed. She made him promise to take good care of Margaret-Jane and he did so.

He walked up to the school and everyone saw the uniform thanking him for his service. Bucky, of course, waved and acknowledged their thanks. Going to the headmistress office, he asked for, "Margaret-Jane Robinson?"

"She's teaching a class as if right now. Perhaps you could come back later." Said the headmistress

Bucky figured she wasn't going to let him in so he lied,"Actually I'm here to just check on my nephew. I haven't seen him in a while is it OK if I just peek. I won't disturb your class."

The headmistress thought for a moment and then nodded him off in the direction. "Just look at the classroom numbers, underneath it should be the teacher names."

He thanks her and walls to the classroom his heart thumping with anticipation against his chest. When he peeked through the window he heard her french voice.

"Luke, what did we learn today about ignorance?"

"That love has no color." He answers

"Not just that but ignorance is what the cowards and small minded people carry around because most of the time they are very bitter and sad."

Bucky's face dropped when she turbed. Hand on her hips to support her belly poking out from her dress. Bucky shook his head in utter shock and remembered to breath. His beloved Margaret-Jane was pregnant.

"Who?" He whispers

"Pretty isn't she?" Asks a voice and he turned to see one of the teachers outside the classroom. "Pretty for someone her color. I'm almost jealous."

"Yeah." Bucky nodded smiling.

"Her husband is pretty too. Don't know how she got so lucky. Shes gonna be on maternity leave soon. She's due in a couple weeks." Said the redhead

"Husband?" Bucky questions "What do you mean?"

"Hector. He's a poet and they've been married for a while. They say if you are in the first years of marriage, you're still a newlywed." She giggled "anyway, did you need something?"

Bucky had already started walking. He didn't look back but Margaret-Jane did. Out the corner of her eye she thought she spotted him but it was all in her head right.

Bucky stayed for Starks presentation and went back to the military. He didn't think about Margaret-Jane anymore because whoever she was with, she was happy. She was happy enough to marry him and have a kid with him.

There was a little regret. A little voice saying to ask to make sure. What if...what if that baby was...no. It couldn't be.

"You OK Barnes?" Asks someone in his platoon. "You seem...out of it. What happened with that girl you talked about marrying?"

"She moved on." He answers

"My gramps used to say, the saddest part about life is saying goodbye to the person you want to spend a lifetime with."

And it was true. He was sad. And in the back of his mind, a distant memory really, was that little barn turned into a house. His three boys and Margaret-Jane sitting on the porch waiting for him to come home.

The End

[jjkfire]

1/2 Hiii~ A faithful follower of yours here on anon because I'm too ashamed about what I wanted to ask you. I know you probably have a lot on your plate with college, midterms and keeping your page alive and I really don't want to burden you even further . I didn't know who I could possibly talk to so here goes, I've been very stumped lately. I've lost motivation for absolutely everything. I live in a town with no opportunities and I feel like I will never be able to leave, I'm failing college-

2/2 no matter how hard I try I suck at it lets be real. I feel like nothing is working out and there's nothing I'm actually good at. I worry about my future- not being able to pursue the career I desire. So I was wondering if you sometimes experience this feeling and what you do in times like this. I don't know what to do! P.s I feel absolutely terrible if I'm burdening you

hi i’m glad that you feel like I’m someone you can talk to! now this is going to be more of like a motivational pep talk rather than a pity one like you’re doing alright sweetie~~ and honestly everything that I’m going to say here should be taken with a grain of salt bc i’m just a blogger and I’m not qualified to give advice ya know what I mean? but wew here we go.

I absolutely have experienced this before and sometimes here and there I do wonder in general what I’m doing with my life and where I’m going. I’m just going to go ahead and say it’s okay to feel lost sometimes and it’s okay to feel like giving up but never, never give up. Keep pushing forward no matter how hard it is. Fall down 7 times, get up 8, you hear me?

I know what it feels like to feel like you’re just going through the motions and that nothing seems to be going your way. I especially know what it feels like to feel like you’re not good at anything. I think of myself as someone who’s the jack of all trades but master of none. There’s nothing I particularly excel at so I’m always playing catch up in all my classes just to be half as good as everyone else. But you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay. I really used to have a bleak outlook on life and sometimes I do slip into the same mindset from time to time but I always try to dig myself out of it. I find doing things like appreciating the small things is a good start. A sunny day, a cute dog pic, appreciating it when people smile at you, all these menial things. It sounds ridiculous, dumb I know but really it helps you just have a better, positive outlook. Also, I know it’s hard to motivate yourself to do things but you just gotta fake it, pretend you want to do it and just get started. The hardest part is usually starting. Set clear goals you know you can reach like do homework problems 1-3 or something like that just to start and later expand that out onto your life. Set goals. Any kind and every kind. Give yourself something to look forward to. They don’t have to be big ones but just set some.

First, I know classes are hard and you’re struggling and nothing makes sense but get your butt to the library and study, go to your lecturer’s office hours or even make friends with people in your class. Ask all the questions you want. Start from the beginning if you have to. I think one of the easiest ways to learn is to have friends in the class because it motivates you to study and if you can’t seem to make yourself study just say hey, wanna study together/go over notes? I don’t think there’d be anyone that’ll be like nah and if they do, that’s unfortunate but you know just keep pushing forward. You’re paying to take those classes, paying for your lecturer’s time so take full advantage of it. Sit there and ask them question after question until you finally understand. Don’t think about oh what if they think I’m dumb or wtv. If they do? So what? How does that affect you in any way. If anything, they appreciate that you’re actually putting in an effort to try and learn. Don’t suffer alone, don’t give up until you’ve done everything you can. I know it sucks watching some people who barely put in an effort score higher than you but that’s life and you just gotta work twice or 5 times as hard if that’s what it takes. Know that with a degree, you have so many more options. Treat it as a do or die situation and don’t let everyone who doubted you get to say that they were right. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Do you have to excel??? No. Just do what you have to to get through. Spend your summers trying to get an internship and if you can’t, that’s fine. Read up on your own or learn how to code. Coding is so important in this day and age and there’s a ton of resources online to help you learn. Do anything so you’re ahead of the game in at least some aspect. Explore and maybe you’ll find that something that you’re good at.

Next, leaving your town. Now, I’ll be real and say that with a degree this would be a lot easier. If you’re from a country where English is considered the national language or main language then there’s a ton of opportunities for you to teach English overseas. It might not be what you want to do but hey it’s an experience and you’ll get to experience a different culture, a different life, a completely fresh start in a new country. Perhaps even give you a new sense of purpose. I know Japan has the JET program and Korea has some sort of an equivalent and you can teach English in Thailand too if you’re looking for somewhere that won’t be as expensive. Maybe straight out of college, work a few months to save up some cash and then say goodbye to your small town. But remember, all of this is only possible with a degree. If you’re from a country where English isn’t the main language, I still think there are many work abroad programs out there, you just have to google. Otherwise, a third option is to save up and go backpacking. Work jobs at those countries you’re visiting to gain some pocket money or a free stay. Tons of people do that. Many envy those who live that way and etc but my question is who’s stopping you from doing the same?

About pursuing the career you desire. I guess there isn’t really much for me to say without knowing what exactly it is you wish to pursue but if you so desire it, make it so. Do everything in your power to make sure you can. Study hard, make use of career services on your campus if your campus has one and just keep pushing forward. Don’t stand in the middle and say I want, I want but not do anything about it. You want it? Go get it. Try, try, try and never stop trying.

I used to laugh at people who said the same to me because they don’t see the obstacles in my way but I’ve come to learn that if you truly, truly, want something then you’re just going to have to work your ass off for it. There’s no other way. It doesn’t matter the challenges you have to go through, you just have to. Maybe some have it easy but most have it the same way you and I have. 

Also, side note. People underplay connections so much but it is so, so important. People can get you that interview, that foot in to some place so never shy away from meeting new people. Even if they have nothing to offer like jobs wise or etc, I believe you can learn something from every single person you meet.

Lastly, take care of yourself. Work hard but also know that you’re only human and that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to take a break. Do something you love every once in a while and if you feel like you don’t have that something, try new hobbies. Be it drawing, running, dancing, fiddling on photoshop... just do something. You don’t have to be good at any of the above just do it as long as it makes you happy. To me, art is my escape. Like writing helps me deal with my stress and I often dance in my room after classes just to let loose. Listen, I’m not a great dancer but hey it makes me smile sometimes. Exercise is great when I finally get myself to go to the gym or sometimes just 30 squats in my room is enough to make me feel like at least I accomplished something. Playing around on after effects or photoshop is a new found hobby of mine and I’m absolutely atrocious at it but every time I complete a youtube tutorial, it makes me feel good. Maybe even learn a new language. With duolingo etc etc etc there’s so much you can learn and there’s absolutely nodownside to learning a new language. 

I feel like if you take life one step at a time, celebrate the little things, little accomplishments, it helps you have a better, more positive outlook. The key is to keep trying, to keep moving forward. Don’t settle, don’t give up. You’re young and there’s so much out there to experience, so many people to meet, so many countries to visit so, I hope you find that motivation you’re looking for. Know that I’m here cheering you on, always.