#but it just kind of didnt feel Watercolor enough | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

homosexualmorelikehomiesexual · 2 years ago

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ok so...we all saw the flurry of Bandom Racism discussion happening. and i have...thoughts.

i know this is late, in theory because i wanted to get my thoughts together, but honestly mainly because i didnt know what to say, so part of me was annoyed that i felt obligated to say anything at all. bc im not nearly as active in bandom as my blog probably makes it look, i didnt learn 90% of the Lore until september and all of that i learned from mcrblr. im new! i dont know about any of this! much less about the racism. so...why am i expected to talk about it? what is there for me to say?

...and over the past few days, its slowly sunk in for me that thats exactly the point.

of COURSE i dont see the racism in the fandom, or know what to say about it. because either none of the other white liberal fans in my circle do, or we just... dont talk about it. and i think when we do know, we dont talk about it, because we feel like its not our place. we dont know what to say, and especially if we feel like we had any hand in it, we're... embarassed? i know i am. and like...i hesitate to list examples, because i dont want to come across as self flagellating. one, because its got to be annoying for people of color, and two, because...i dunno. i dont want to make other white people think thats whats required, to be anti racist? because i think thats one of the assumptions we're laboring under, like...we've created this environment of really aggressive Discourse, so when it comes to racism, and unpacking our own...we talk in really vague terms, we never get past the "UwU!!! Dont Be Racist!!!!" PSAs because naming our own transgressions means admitting to wrongdoing, which is embarassing at the best of times, but in the very spaces we've created, generally being found out as Doing Something Wrong means getting jumped on by other white people for the purpose of their own moral preening so no one will suspect them of the same. so...why willingly subject yourself to that? especially if whatever you have to say, whatever it is in your behaviour you want to discuss, may be triggering to people of color. simply not mentioning it feels like the better - and safer - option.

but...thats what leads to us not knowing enough about all this to feel confident talking about it in the first place.

i dunno. last week, im one of the people who looked right at that piece of art with franks rising sun tattoo, and went... "huh. hey, theres that tattoo he got covered up because it was offensive. i should look into that. ...anyway, cool art!" and hit reblog.

and like...once people started talking about it, (theres one specific post, forget who its by, someone talking about mcrs history with anti asian racism, great post thank you for making it) i felt...bad? but i also felt kinda defensive. in thinking back on it, i was like..."well, im glad to know that now. but dude im not familiar with his tattoos. i kind of assumed what i was looking at was the covered up version where its sort of peeking through. idk it was a watercolor it was kinda garbled. i wont blame myself for not thinking any harder than that."

and then i was like... okay but. if im honest with myself, thats still bad. because it doesnt matter, since i probably wouldve reblogged it anyway, just assuming it was for the sake of photo accuracy or what have you...because i still didnt fucking know or care what the rising sun flag was.

which was the whole point.

because if i HAD. if i HAD done my research when id first heard about it, months ago, i would have recognized that art for what it was and treated it with the wide berth it deserved and avoided it regardless of my knowledge of his stupid fucking tattoo. but i didnt, for a host of reasons. mainly executive dysfunction, general stress in my personal life (nunya bidness) and...if im being honest? i just didnt want to, because...i hate self teaching. i have adhd. i was homeschooled, it was really traumatic, i flunked all of highschool and had to get a GED. my reading comprehension and attention span are piss poor. so i didn't feel like looking into it. i didnt feel like giving myself a whole impromptu history lesson. i opened one wiki page and instantly got overwhelmed.

but thats also the point. because all those reasons for not doing my due diligence and reading up on why asian fans are so pressed about the rising sun tattoo? or why black fans want nothing to do with 21p? the same shit probably applies to them! they don't feel like doing it either, we just give them no choice until eventually they make giant ass posts, comprehensive, easy to digest, step by step posts, for the express purpose of doing what we all refuse to do.

and, again, theres that feeling of guilt. guilt and shame, because im admitting to this, and because i know how reading this is gonna make other white fans feel, because i just went through the exact same set of feelings, and its uncomfortable as hell. so i can only imagine how fans of color have felt.

im not making this to browbeat white fans, or to self flagellate to fans of color. this isnt a soap box or a confession booth. im just.. talking. so lets talk. im gonna be honest, i still havent done real research into the rising sun flag. im literally just now looking at the wikipedia page for imperial japan, which i just now opened, and i still feel just as overwhelmed. (does anyone have good material on learning about this? if i find any, ill post it in reblogs.)

but...yeah. this isnt an UwU!!! Dont Be Racist!!!! PSA. this is uhhhh...We're All A Little Racist, Lets Talk About It So We Wont Be. an open letter, i guess. cause we're doing and saying racist shit, intentionally or unintentionally, whether we realize it or admit it or not, and i think the majority of you who have read this far are, like me, mainly doing so through inaction. and i think the more we ignore that, the worse this feeling will get. so...lets stop ignoring it. i know we all just did exactly that, i saw it happen, i was part of it, i get the reasons why. but its delaying the inevitable, and more importantly, we're hurting other people because of it. so...lets just get it over with, it cant be any more embarassing than burying our heads in the sand.

#finnposting #bandom #racism #bandom racism #mcr #my chemical romance #gerard way #frank iero #ray toro #mikey way #fob #fall out boy #patrick stump #pete wentz #joe trohman #andy hurley

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gender-trash · 2 years ago

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@nonasuch yesss i love the purple watercolor cats so much!! we had a bunch of scraps left over from the purple cat pajamas @combat-epistemologist made for @transbionic-shieldmaiden so i just kind of stole them all from the scrap fabric bag and cut them into hexagons >:)

the finished product:

(ran out of binding at the end, didnt feel like cutting and pressing more of the rainbow fabric, it was 3 am, bon appetit)

however i do need to clarify one point: this is not english paper piecing, although you're not the first person in the notes to assume it is. i used "fuck it, we ball" piecing: straight stitch on my sewing machine, right sides together (no pinning or basting either, just friction), edge of fabric aligned with edge of presser foot, repeat until it covers the entire piece of batting i got from the quilt store halfway through the project (when i realized a quilt should maybe be square, instead of a randomly accreted blob). at no point did i look at any quilting tutorials or anything. "i can probably figure this out myself," i thought. "it's just attaching pieces of fabric together. i already know how to do that." and honestly, it turned out well enough im working on a second quilt (penrose tiles) following the same method. let nobody ever tell you that i learn from my mistakes !!

I CANT OVEREMPHASIZE

how bad my cat wants to be on the quilt im assembling rn

ZENOBIA, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK

#the trashcan speaks #i respect the hell out of everyone with the patience to futz around with the little bits of paper and the basting #couldnt be me tho #i SHOULD have googled how to attach the binding because then maybe i would have learned what a walking foot was #sewing machine go brrr

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chiimaera · 2 years ago

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@playindnd asked: ✦ and got ‘an apology kiss’

SHE HAD RUINED IT. she ruined everything. she had tucked that night that they had spent together in the small box under her bed along with all the other things she wasnt allowed to have. the fear of what was to come gripped her more than vecna had. the mere thought that if anyone found out that they had sex, his life would be thrust back into the danger he had narrowed escaped. her mother would never let her out of the house again. jason would hunt him down, using the rumor like gasoline, pouring it all on that anger he kept inside him. whore. slut. good girls keep their legs closed. he would think that the break was because of eddie. wasnt it? that question echoed in her chest like a scream into a canyon. the only reason she had enough courage to ask for the break was because of eddie. because she couldnt be with someone who would hunt down her friend for something he didnt do. but that wasnt the only reason. the metalhead reminded her that she was worth something without a boyfriend. that she deserved to have kindness, that she didnt have to earn it. she was just so damn tired of hiding in a sea of of people who couldnt care less about her. then she... ‘ we shouldnt have done that. that was wrong. ’ tears pricked behind her eyes at the memory, seeing his face as those words hit him. he had asked her so many times if it was what she wanted and told him to keep going. she hadnt thought about anything except the way he smiled, the feel of his hands on her, how he cared so much about her. she cared about him too. so much more than she had about anyone. and she threw it all away because she got scared. she was so sick of being afraid. the cheerleader found herself outside the old theater room, watching his friends shuffle out in excited chatter. they hadnt noticed her and she was glad for it. she walked through the threshold after they had passed, closing the door behind her. so they wouldnt be seen. old habits die hard. guilt and self loathing settled in her gut, making her feel like she was going to be sick. when he looked up, still sitting in his throne, their eyes met in the dimly lit room. the dice in his hand clattered onto the table, his lips parted in surprise. she hadnt talked to him in a week, not since... “ im sorry ” her vision was a mess of watercolors, her bottom lip trembled. she closed the distanced between them, cupping his face between her hands. she captured his lips, almost sighing in relief at the familiar softness. she had missed him. she kissed him longingly, savoring the taste of cigarettes on his tongue. the smell of leather and sandalwood surrounded her and god, it felt like coming home. chrissy pulled back but unwilling to let him go, she leaned her forehead against his own. their bangs grew messy together, her shaking hands never letting go of him. “ im sorry, i didnt mean it. i...it wasnt wrong. it could never be wrong with you. not with you, ”

#playindnd #vi. answered #xxxiii. character ;; chrissy #chrissy & eddie :: playindnd #cause we cant have nice things

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priscirat · 3 years ago

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HELLO i really like your watercoloury art style, i was wondering if you've ever made any posts about your technique/materials/general tips?? love your karen art she is so wonderful she holds my heart in her hands

thank you so much !! :'0

i do have kind of a process for some of my art but the watercolor karen was a bit different since it is ACTUAL watercolor and i just enhanced a bit the colors and the warmth on laptop afterward !! i can still give u more details i’ll put them under a read more !

Material

the paper was a sample i got in an art shop. it was really thick and grainy. 600g/m² from the brand hahnemühle if i remember properly. it is an expensive block but maybe u can find a big enough sample to do art on it in an art shop !!

watercolor wise i have a box of 24 colors from the brand van gogh !! it is personally a good middle ground in term of price and quality for me

the only difference is the red. i had a red tube from winsor and newton bc i wanted a more saturated red (i dont have the exact name of the color rn but i’ll be able to edit that tomorrow with the exact name)

brushes wise i just have art shop brand brushes. as long as they stock up nicely on water, i have different sizes and the hair doesn’t part after a few strokes im not really demanding.

also i used some faber castell watercolor pencils !

Process/ technique/ general tips

that part might be messy algfjdlg but here goes

process wise i did my sketch on laptop, printed it and used a light table to put the sketch on paper. now that i remember the paper was kinda too thick for that so i just copied it on paper mostly. then one evening i just did all the painting. the next day i scanned it and color corrected it ! thats the gist of it.

now for general tips its just. dont be scared to go apeshit thats the great thing about traditional art i would say agfdjgkdfj. like i didnt follow perfectly my lines the colors were the ones i planned and still i v much love it.

i would say too that ppl tend to not put a lot of saturation in watercolor stuff because it is a technique that u can take ur time with and correct easily overtime. i always try to put a LOT of paint personally. this one is kinda hard to describe but yeah dont be scared to really. Go In with watercolors it can really stand on its own.

also i am personally a big lover of mixing watercolor and pencil escpecially for contrasting colors. like how i added light blue in the red of the jacket or green in her hair. i love doing that and the mix of the two is the best way for me.

it is what i can tell you from the top of my head rn but feel free to ask more details if i was too vague or what akgjdlkf

#ask #platonce #i do have a more defined process when it comes to digital art #(except the last karen one that one i really just. did whatever i just wanted colors and textures)#but yeah traditional art is my place where i just. do on the vibes #i v much like it

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arthurflecksgirl · 4 years ago

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Hello ♡♡♡ Could you write a request where the female reader wants to visit a circus in town with Arthur? Arthur will agree, but he wants to go as Joker to the circus and he is very sweet and romantic to you. And at the circus it will end in chaos, because a bunch of idiots insult Joker. The female reader trys to calm Joker down, but something will happen. That would be so beautiful if you could write that.

Hey my dear friend :) Here it is and I really really really hope you enjoy it :) Love you, sweety.

The smell of coffee in the morning mixed with Arthurs voice humming a Sinatra song was the best way to start in the day. There was always a song hanging on his lips. Oh those lips, you couldnt wait to kiss them in about a minute, when he`ll get back in bed with you, sharing his Murray Franklin show cup. There was no need for two different cups. You both loved to share everything with each other. Even the little things like a hot cup of coffee to get the sleepiness out of your bones.

"Good morning, my love" he said when he came back from the kitchen, placing a sloppy kiss on your mouth, the sweetest smile on his face. His bed hair was one of those things you couldnt ever get enough of. It made you feel so at home seeing him like that. It made him look even more vulnerable.

You took a sip and put the newspaper away. Arthur grabbed it and started reading the news. "Seems like Gotham is in trouble again. What else is new?" he said. His puppy eyes staring at the pages.

You felt the warm coffee down your throath, it tasted even better knowing that Arthur made it for you. " So sad....but you know what?" you handed him the cup "I just read something else on page three. There will be a circus on Amusement mile today. And I was wondering if you want to go there with me? Just the both of us. Maybe there will be clowns. Nicer ones than your work mates."

Arthur lit himself a cig and leaned back "You think so? I know most clowns here in Gotham. Most of them are hired ones. HaHas`s used to work for Amusement mile,too." he closed his eyes "...but....sure...if you wanna go and have a look. I`m always up for a surprise. I mean, you never know, right? Maybe we`ll meet some nice people around here for a change. Tourists or something" he joked.

He was right. The only nice people you met in Gotham was tourists. The citizens of this city seemed cold hearted and rude. Growing up in this block must have been hell for a sweet soul like Arthur.

"So you wanna go?"

Arthur blew out the smoke "Yeah...why now? But maybe I should put on a costume or something. I`m sure Randall and his friends will go there too and I dont want them to ruin our day. " There was a subtile sadness in his voice while he said so. You didnt knew that Randall was still picking on him. But appearently he did. "Oh I havent thought of that, Artie. Look, if you dont wanna go its okay. We can just stay home. It will be just as nice."

He took a deep drag of his cigarette "Oh. No it`s fine. I wanna go there with you,too. It will be great to go to the city. We`ll walk down the streets and I`ll be holding your hand, showing everyone around that you are my girl." he grinned. "I just dont my work mates to come up to us. I know them well enough to be sure that they will talk some shit."

You lay your head upon his chest and pulled him closer "So what are you thinking of. They will also recognize you in your Carnival costume".

"Yeah, I know" he mumbled while he put the cig in the ashtray. "I have to think of something different" he ran his fingers through his hair. You couldnt help but placing kisses along his collarbone. He looked so delicious.

"Mhhh....I love it when you do that Y/N"

"I know" you moved to reach his right collarbone and did the same. Arthur stroke your hair "I was thinking about wearing the red suit maybe. And the Joker make up."

His words surprised you. "Really? You haven`t put your Joker outfit on for like...a year or two?" He nodded "Or even longer. But I dont know...Today I feel like it. I mean...if thats okay with you. I understand if you dont feel comfortable with me wearing the...."

Your kiss interuppted his words "Of course thats totally fine with me. However you feel, sweetheart."

He took you deeper in his arms "There is no particular reason behind it. I just need a costume in which they won`t recognize me from a distance. And I feel like wearing red today. So....dont worry about anything, okay? "

"Okay" you kissed him again. The taste of coffee and cigs still lingering on the corner of his lips.

"When is it starting?" he asked.

"I guess it already has been started half an hour ago."

"Oh. Wanna get ready?" he jumped out of bed with excitement as you agreed, disappearing in the bathroom. You could hear his steps. He was dancing around to the music in his head. Brushing his bed hair. "Hey baby, wanna help me dying my hair?"

You didnt hesitate to enter the bathroom and get the bottle with the green hair dye. Arrthur sat down, humming a song you didnt recognized. "What song is it?" you asked while you started to put the color in his hair. "It just came to me a minute ago" he said in his dreamy voice "Maybe I should play it on my ukulele. It`ll be perfect for it". Your fingers seperated his curls from one another, making sure to get every strain colored in. "Oh, I would definitely love to hear it. Maybe you could even sing". Arthur shrugged "I`m not a great singer". "Yes you are!" you now put your fingers into his curls. So soft to the touch. Arthur always claimed to not be a good singer, but you have heard him so many times, you knew he had a wonderful singing voice. Maybe he was just fishing for compliments, which was just as cute. "C`mon, Artie. You could sing it to me wehile I`m helping you with your Joker make up. How does that sound?" he chuckled "Okay, okay. You won!"

You put the hair dye beside "Done. Now lets get the watercolor make up. Where did yo put it?"

"By the big mirror" he said.

"Oh, of course, gimme a sec" you headed for the make up and a weird feeling overcame you as you touched it. You couldnt tell what it was about but it was there.

Back to the bathroom Arthur held his ukulele. The surprised look on your face amused him "Where does that came from? I was just out of the room for like....a minute".

"It`s magic" he blinked at you, starting to pull the strings.

"I really wanna hear it. But I cant put your make up on while you`re playing an instrument, sweety".

"Try it"

"I will, but don`t complain if it looks all messy afterwards"

"I wouldnt mind" he smirked. "It will look messy later today anyway. After I kissed you so hard the make up wouldnt stand a chance."

You put as much make up on as possible while his face was moving. Hearing his beautiful voice made it so hard to concentrate.

"Thats a beautiful song, Arthur. I really, really love it" he put the ukulele away. "That was all i needed to hear to feel better, now I will make it easier for you." He leaned back and closed his eyes while you did his lips. The crisp edges on the corner of the fake smile,the shapes around his eyes. You already felt the urge to kiss those red lips and ruin your work. What a marvel he was. A true piece of art.

After you were done he rinsed out his hair and looked into the mirror. You catched him looking at himself. There was still so much sadness inside of him. Hidden behind all of this. But you also saw the difference since you started dating. He wasnt as sad as he used to be anymore. It was a different kind of sadness. A transformed one. One that was much easier to carry on his fragile shoulders.

His reflection stared back at him, unsure of who he actually is.

"Can you get me the suit? Its on the left side in my wardrobe"

"Oh, of course" you headed to the bedroom and caught him still staring at himself as you got back. "Here it is" you handed him the Joker outfit, like he used to call it.

"Thanks Y/N." he changed his clothes without saying a word. He also did it very slowly, like he put much thought into this kinda transformation. He needed to feel it. To get into the mood.

After he put on the last sock he turned to you "How do I look?"

"Stunning" your hand touched his "Breathtaking".

He smirked before he checked the mirror again "I dont know....something doesnt feel quite right....whatever. Never mind. Lets just go. C´mon. Get your clothes. We`re gonna have a good day anyway."

He took you under his arm and kissed you on the forehead. His kiss felt almost light hearted, which surprised you after the way he looked at his own reflection.

Amusement mile was as crowded as expected. Serveral street artist such as painters, dancers ,musicians, athletes and small animals filled the place. And clowns. A lot of them. Most of them in bright colored costumes.

"Oh, these are a lot of clowns" Arthur said, sqeezing your hand. "But only one of your kind". He smiled and leaned in to kiss you. Compliments still made him happy as a lttle boy on christmas eve. "Are you feeling good, Artie?"

"I am. Yeah. I actually am. "

"So good to hear. Should I....call you Joker now?"

The sweetest smile lingered on his lips "Nahhh. No need to. To you am am still Arthur. But....you can call me Joker later tonight...if you know what I am talking about...." the smirk grew.

"I would like that. I cant wait to ruin your make up".

Arthur stopped and took your face in his hands "Admit it. Thats whay you put it on by yourself in the first place. Because it will be so much fun to ruin it." His stare weakened your knees within seconds.

"Maybe..."

Arthur put his lips on yours, moving his mouth gently from side to side before he parted your lips with his tongue, allowing you to taste him.

You walked down the street with him, your head still spinning from his kiss. Arthur stopped by te piano man and carefully listened. You could feel his body moving, even though it was barely visible. You felt him vibing next to you. The music finding its way in and out of him. "C`mon abby, dance with me" he raised your hands and started to spin you around in circles, pulling you close to his chest "Youre my one and only. You know that right?" "Dito!" you replied, stroking his green hair. He was so incredibly beautiful it hurt.

"Wanna check out the clowns?"

You nodded "Yeah, we just have to cross the street, they`re right over there" you pointed at the graffity wall before you both headed over.

Arthur watched a clown doing a magic trick with a little girl. She took a card from him and giggled. You could tell that Arthurs heart filled with love immediately. He loved kids. And he loved to make them laugh. "See how her eyes shine? Thats the best part of my job" he said in his soft tone.

"I wish I could show her a trick,too. But I`ve got nothing with me. I`m not Carnival today, right?"

"Right. But I guess you can still mae her laugh. I mean, you know some great jokes."

He lit himself a cigartette "You think so?"

"I do"

"I know some jokes for kids....maybe you`re right. I should ask her if she wants to hear some" he inhaled the smoke, looking like a painting thats hanging in a museum. Sometimes it was hard to belive that he was actually real.

Arthur waited on the sidewalk until the magic trick has been done, snipped his cig away and walked up to the little girl. You followed him and couldnt await to hear the joke he would tell her.

Suddenly the lttle girl started to run. Arthur really wanted to tell her a joke, so he ran after her.

"Hey, you" he yelled. The girl stopped, looking at him with big eyes. "I was wondering if.....you would like to hear a joke." Now you catched up too. Standing right beside him and her.

The kid pointed at him "You`re a fast runner".

Arthur smiled "Thank you. You are pretty fast,too. I almost didnt catch you" he blinked.

"I would like to hear a joke Mr. Clow.n." she giggled.

"You can call me Joker" he replied making a majestic gesture.

"Joker! Thats such a funny name"

"Yeah?"

"Mmmhh hmm"

Arthur kneed down to her "Okay here`s one...Whats colorful and stuck between an elephants feet?"

"I have no idea Joker" she shook her head and waited for the punchline.

"A slow clown" Arthur tried not to laugh at his own joke, which was always hard for him.

The little girl chuckled "Thats a funny one."

"See?" he said "Thats why it`s so important to be fast".

She started laughing even more "I like your make up, Joker".

"Thank you, sweety. Whats your name?"

"I`m Aly"

"Hello Aly. So...where are your parents?"

She turned around "Somewhere over there. Í`m not sure. I stopped to see the magician and when I turned around they were gone."

Arthur looked at me "Oh no! We should try to find them. I guess they are already looking for you." You nodded and so did the little girl.

He took her by the hand and you headed into the direction she said her family went. The streets were so crowded it was hard to find someone. "How do your parants look like?" you asked and she gave a discription "Alright, we`re gonna find them, I promise" Arthur said.The little girl smiled "I know, Joker. I`m not scared or something. I know they aren`t far. They never go far. But....will you stay with me until we found them?"

"Sure, sweetheart. You are very brave." he replied in his sweetest voice.

Your heart melted seeing him with the kid. he was the kindest soul. Always thinking about others, while his whole life no one ever thought about protecting him.

All of the sudden the angry voice of a man appeared close behind us.

"Stop!" he yelled "Stop him!"

You and Arthur turned around immediately. All went so fast.

The stranger threw himself against Arthur. He fell to the ground and so did Aly.She started to cry from hurting her knee. The stranger slapped Arthur in the face "How dare you!" he yelled.

"Let go of him? What are you doing? Let him go!" you screamed as he punched Arthur one more time.

Arthur tried to cover his head with his hands "Stop it, please." he begged.

The man let go of him and stood up, while Arthur was still lying on the ground. You kneed down to him, stroking his hurting cheek "Oh my god, darling, are you okay?" he nodded "Yeah".

Aly was crying hard watching this. The man standing tall in front of us "You fucking circus freak. I saw what you just did. You tried to kidnap the little girl".

"What?" you helped Artie to get up. His Joker make up was smeared.

"God no. She lost her parents in the crowd and I wanted to help her find them...." he tried to explain.

"Its true" you threw in "How dare YOU to punsh my boyfriend in the face without even knowing the whole story?"

The man looked at both of you with disgust in his face "I know freaks like the two of you. You go to these events to harass people."

"Dont call him a freak" you felt the anger rising inside of you and took a step closer to the man.

He ignored you and got up to Arthur to spit him in the face.

Arthur looked shocked. He wiped the spit away and tried to get a look at Aly. She was gone.

"Look what you did!" he yelled to the rude man`s face "She`s gone now. If she doesnt find her parents now it`s your fault, you fucker!"

"What did you just called me?"

Arthur took a step closer to him. They faced each other now. The tension between them was terrible. You just felt that something bad would happen.

You turned around to get a glimpse of Aly, but there was no chance to make her out in the crowd.

"I said you are a fucker!" Arthur yelled to his face "This little girl needed help. And I was there. I just wanted to tell her a joke in the first place"

"Artie?" you tried to sound calm, hoping he would calm down too. "Maybe its better to ignore him. We should go now" you touched his arm.

"No, its okay Y/N. I got this."

The man laughed at his face "A joke huh? I will tell you a joke right now". His fist hit Arthur right in the stomach, so hard he once again fell to the ground. That stranger was much taller and bigger than him. It looked like Artie couldnt stand a chance against him. A kick. And another.

You watched out for the police. Nothing. All the people just passed by without even looking at him.

"You still want to tell jokes now?" the man asked, while Arthur stood up again.

"Arthur are you okay? Please darling, lets just go home, okay?"

He kissed you on the forehead "I`m fine. Don`t worry about me, okay? Its just....a scratch. I will take care of him".

He turned back to the man and reached down his pocket "I think I`ve got a special joke for you".

The man laughed. It sounded kinda evil. "I`m sure you do. Because you are the joke after all. Right? I mean look at you. You are not even a real clown. What is this outfit and make up? I`m sure under all this face paint hides a scared little boy who is crying for his mommy to take care of him."

You could tell from Arturs eyes that this one hit him right in the feels. He swallowed hard. He tried not to let it show but you knew him so well.

"Whats the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?" his crisp smirk looked so intense.

The man rolled his eyes.

"When you pull one out, everybody wants to be your friend" Arthur pulled out the gun.

You didnt even knew he got it with him.

For a second there you held your breath.

The man started to shake "Dude, listen...."

"I know" Arthur chuckled "I`m a funny guy."

"Arthur. Please. Lets just go home" you begged. You couldnt stand the thought of this situation to escalate. What if Arthur got hurt?

He looked at you in the softest way possible while the gun was still pointed at the man. He held it ow enough for no one to notice. People used to be so ignorant around here. ""We`ll be home early today, honey. You know I can`t miss my fave comedy shows".

The man held his hands above his head "Lets just forget about this okay. Don`t shoot. "

Arthur pointed the gun at him "I will put my gun away now, if you will let us go find the little girl. I need to know if she found her family. Do you understand what I am telling you?"

The man nodded.

"Alright." Arthur put the gun back into his pockets, grabbed your hand and walked down the street. So many people passing by without even looking. No one noticed. No one ever did.

"Lets find Aly" he said to you. You felt reliefed taht you finalyl got out of this situation. But then.....there was a noice. A scream. Hands grabbing you from behind. The man was still after you and he didnt hesitate to attack you this time. He jumped on your back, dragging you to the ground, hurting you while he tried to keep you down. You screamed for help right before you heard the gunshot.

Arthur fired the gun,

He did it.

To protect you.

Your heart was racing so fast it felt like you coudlnt breathe anymore.

The man screamed from the top of his lungs.

He was still alive.

"Arthur!" you yelled "What did you do?"

He picked you off the ground " Dont worry. I only pointed at his leg. He`ll be fine. But I couldnt allow him to hurt my baby. C`mon." He lifted you up and carried you all the way through the crowd. Leaving the man sobbing and cursing on the pavement.

"Artie. I wanna go home"

"I know, baby, I know. We will. Are you hurt?"

"He hurt my back when he attacked me But I guess I will be fine".

"Okay. Soon we`ll be home."

He carried you all the way to the subway station and you couldnt belive your eyes as you saw Aly sitting there wth her parants.

"Joker!" she yelled with the happies voice "Thats him" she said to her dad "Thats the friendly clown who wanted to help me find you. But then this man came up and..."

You both sat down beside them.

"I`m sorry " her mum said "Aly has a strong imagination".

Arthur smiled "No. Its all true. I talked to her earlier. I´m glad she is with you again".

"Really?" her mum looked surprised.

"See?" the little girl stick out her tongue "I wasnt lying at all."

"Sorry Aly"

"His name is Joker and he knows some really really good jokes. "

Arthur stroke the little girls hair "I`m so happy you think I`m funny"

"The funniest clown there eeeeeeever was" she giggled.

Your subway was about to arrive so you said your goodbyes. "It was a pleasure to meet you, sweet girl" Aly smiled at him and whispered to him "Hey, can I tell my mum that joke you told me? The one with the elephant?"

"Sure you can!"

"Thank you, Joker."

You both waved at her while you stepped into the subway and from the distance you could hear Aly telling his joke to her parants. "Whats colorful and stuck between an elephants feet?"

When you got home, you both fell into bed. Arthur didnt even wiped his make up off. He carelessly threw his clothes on the floor and put the gun away.

"I`m sorry" he sighed "This wasnt going quite as we planned it."

You wiped a strain of hair out of his face "It wasnt your fault, Artie. People are so ignorant and rude around here."

He kissed the tip of your nose "I´m so glad he didnt hurt you ".

"I`m glad you`re fine, Artie. "

He lifted up the blanket for you to crawl under it "Lets just enjoy each other. The world outside these windows means nothing compared to your touch".

You crawled into his protective arms and closed your eyes.

"That girl" he whispered "She thought I was funny".

"You are funny, Arthur!"

"Thank you for saying this" he kissed into your hair.

"Well..." he smirked...."Now that we got home earlier....we have a lot of time in our hands...." he started to stroke your thigh, whispering in your ear "You can call me Joker now".

"Kiss me, Joker! Kiss me all night long" you whispered back, as your lips found his, tasting the red lipstick and a little bit of blood from being punched in the face.

Arthur smiled between the kisses, knowing that this was all he ever needed.

The certainty of being loved.

#joker #joaquinphoenix #arthurfleck #arthur fleck #dc #joker movie #joker 2019 #joker arthur fleck #arthur fleck fanfictions #arthur fleck fanfic joker #arthur fleck fanfiction #joker fanfiction #joker fanfic #joker x you #joker x reader #arthur fleck x y/n #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck x you

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saturnsenby · 4 years ago

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The Louvre Is Obsolete

Ink lapped over the bones in my spine like blood,

Or fear.

I was born a sun-bleached skeleton before color washed the backs of my eyelids.

I felt the tides of animation swell and fill me from the balls of my feet,

Sea foam meeting and dissolving unmanicured toes,

And i fail to remember sometimes if I am the ocean or if i am me.

Lile beauty from a syringe,

I am full of needleholes too insignificant to acknowledge on their own but consuming enough as a whole for damnation

Every step i’ve taken from that beach has left inkblots in my wake,

The kind of vision test that begs you to feel something,

Beckons with unliftable stains.

I was a sun-bleached skeleton still until the first time i felt rain.

It blurred my outline until i bled out onto everything around me and for so long, i wore white-out like foundation.

I just kept spreading.

For so long afraid to ruin the bigger picture with my structureless watercoloring.

I tried evaporating to fit inside some kind of fine line,

Over-pigmenting in other places just to stand out,

and i became this mess of smudges and eraser marks and strokes so deep i ripped myself underneath.

Lately i say i’m something of a concept piece,

Something abstract from which you need demand nothing as it lays bare ready to don the theme of the room.

I used to feel like such a dissatisfying gallery,

When i couldnt be every room at once.

It is ever so flattering to live in a frame until you realize you can’t move.

I no longer don filters when the masses sell their souls for a viewing.

The price of entertainment is morality,

But isn’t this painting so pretty.

How fascinating an artist i must seem,

Encased myself in glass and stained my veins so now every time i bleed someone comes and calls it a masterpiece.

What a way to encourage the content we love to see.

There is nothing i hate worse than an art gallery,

More blood on the Louvre than a mortuary,

More ghosts behind walls than the catacombs,

And you smile and laugh and point in their faces.

You sell them to your gaze as they stare back at you frozen,

Every moment of silence like whiteout around their outlines.

Damned to view the whole world from one place while it mocks them with every second, a new reality every day.

But you just pull what you want to see from picture frames,

Forgot what it was like to be the canvas as it took the strokes you take for granted,

Bore every splattering of paint, or blood, or fear.

For so long i wanted to make it into an art gallery.

Wanted it so bad i made myself into one so no one could tell me i didnt fit the theme,

Only realized a gallery is nothing but a cemetery for vibrant expression when the walls of the Louvre crumbled with time and rusty hook restricting me fell to dust on the nape of my neck.

I felt my glass skin shatter and my heart spill free onto a tattered rug,

And ive never seen anything else quite as beautiful.

#poetry #the louvre #halobleedsink #lilithmoonpoetrt #prose #meh

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elisabeth-carrion · 4 years ago

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2020 was... a year. Tbh, 2019 was worse for me. Ive read my 2019 diary and i dont know how i managed, and in the end i was still optimistic. 2020 was supposed to be my year of spoiling myself and doing new things. Of course not everything went according to the plan.... but i managed to do a few things.

Lets see

This year i did two things i thought i would never, ever do. Like even last year, i didnt even consider it. 1. i got a tattoo. The idea came to me at the beginning of the year, the plan was to do it in spring, but then quarantine happened, then renovations, and in the end i had it done in september. Its a flower and i love it.

2. i left academia. last year i got accepted into phd program. It was a mess and in the end, i had enough. Ive stayed a few months longer for the scholarship money, and resigned. I am now academia free and enjoying my very frist study free christmas break. Im vibing

among other thing, there are: 3. i cut my hair. it was waist lenght and i cut it shoulder lenght. I dont know why it was such a huge deal for me, but it was. The hair grew back real fast and i had it cut again in november. I think im gonna keep it this way. Or shorter. I’ll see.

4. had my ears pierced. I had one set of earrings, now i have two. I bought a lot of earrings. I really like it. More jewerly is better jewelry.

5. discovered the band breaking benjamin, very nice

6. discovered the book captive prince. ive read it three times already. would recommend

7. made a candle out of what was left of other candles. easier than i thought, but putting dried flowers into it wasnt a good idea

8. made a hat. and then another hat. im kinda proud of them. didnt get to wear them outside yet tho

9. made a brooch. out of an old notebook cover and christmas decor. its kinda big. i dont mind

10. made a head band. this one needs some improvements tho

11. i thought online classes and im still alive. i prefer real life classes but i managed. i learned about teaching too, i hope i can improve my knowledge next year

12. renovated my kitchen! it was old and disgusting. now its nice and clean and pretty and i love it

13. started french, german and turkish on duolingo somewhere around march. im still doing it every day. kinda like it!

14. tried embroideiry. it was fine. i want to go to embroidery class after the plague is over

15. started taking my own outfit photos. i got a cheap tripod for it and it works!

16. honesly i didnt count it, but i did some writing. I didnt finish anything, but i wrote significantly more than in the past. I want to finish something next year

17. started using reusable pens again. sadly the ink doesnt really work on some of my cheap notebooks... it leaks. But i do when i can

18. expanded and cleared my wardrobe. I love every single dress i have. I cant believe i really do have a full wardrobe of pretty dresses! its a dream that came true

19. shaved my eyebrow. they grew back darker. now i have visible eyebrows for the first time in my life

20. got a resuable shaving blade. it looks baddas and i have so many razors they will last me a lifetime

21. met the google car! cant wait to see myself on google street view.

22. i learned kanji like crazy, im over 1700 now. Thats enough for the n2 exam, i will try to take it in december next year

23. renovated my room and rearranged the furniture. It is now the cute pink room i wanted for some time. I got a cute carpet and a vanity table. I feel like a princess and for the first time i feel that all my belongings are in order

24. started studying and doing tarot. i got cards for birthday and got really into it

25. assembled a diy tiny doll room. It was fun! its like puzzles but 3d. Its not perfect but i really enjoyed it

26. seen Laura Makabresku exhibition in Sosnowiec. It was nice.

27. Seen tour de pologne race. kinda randomly, i didnt plan to, but it was nice

28. went to a watercolor class. i really enjoyed it!

29. survived the plague so far

30. started counting calories again. in the past i did it to control, to restrict, and to punish. Now i just want to know

Ive tried new things. I wrote down every single one of them, even the tiniest: 1. kurtosz in both sweet and sour verson

2. Kitkat in the following tastes: melon, peanut butter, salt caramel, gold caramel, strwaberry, salty lemon

3. okonomiyaki

4. carrot kissiel

5. smoking . yes im doings some back to the teenage years things. it tasted like ashes. i still have some left i dont know what i will do with them

6. spring rolls /sajgonki

7. chinese take out fried pasta

8. dandelion and burdock tea

9. mushroom bun - a polish street food with pieczarrki

10. pancakes with juice instead of milk. kind of accidently but it is a thing

11. boiled corn

12. lavender lemonade

13. vegan subway

14. salty licorice

15. vegan sandwich from żabka

16. oyakata soy ramen

17. halvah wafffles

18. gingerbread twix

19. shampoo in a bar... like soap but its shampoo. very nice

20. tofubar

21. bora bora black tea that tastes like roses

22. chocolate coated ginger

23. flavored coffe: five flavour mix, marzepan, raspberry meringue

24. Visited a few new coffe shops and restaurants [sowa, we coffee, mont blanc, zicherka, pod prosiakiem, kaffka, zielona krowa, proper coffee, suzette, starbucks, coffee faza, pigal] and places [zamek sielecki, this one park that has no name but has rainbow lights]. It may seem insignificat but for me its a big deal to visit a new place even if its just a coffee shop.... and its stressful. so yes im proud of that

i must say that i changed. im not the same person anymore. ive grown, ive learned my wants and needs, i started giving myself what i want and what i need, and maybe even more importantly, ive stopped punishing myself. No more of that. I deserve everything and im gonna get it :)

#i hope the list next year is going to be longer!!!!!#with bigger dreams accomplished!!!!#elisabeth no hitokoto

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keepcalm-andbopon · 5 years ago

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Introducing us!!

Isabelle: @swiftie-isabelle

I’m Isabelle and I’m turning 14th in June 27! I would die for Taylor swift. I started listening to her when I was 3 and her music had comforted me ever since! She has had such a impact in my life and I’ve gotten so many amazing memories from her!

Victoria: @sinkanddroundswift

im victoria & i do nothing w my life except cry over taylor swift and not having a boyfriend . I do nothing ever except lay in bed and cry over every little detail. I eat too much food for my body. I like boys alot but they don’t like me. taylor swift claims she loves me multiple times but idk if I believe her yet. I love my cat shes a scottish fold. Beverly Hills, 90210 is my favorite tv show & High School Musical is my favorite movie. I also love grayson dolan more than I can comprehend. I have 0 friends so its me, myself, and I all the time.

Lily: @lilyadorestay

im lily and i do nothing with my life except cry over taylor swift, have people tell me to stop crying about taylor swift, and waste money on bucket hats :)

Sasha: @dropsmynamesasha

I’m sasha and I have a large obsession with food, cats and Taylor Swift

Katelyn: @redheadnamedkatelyn

I’m Katelyn and I’m 13! I don’t do anything in my life except for lacrosse and cheer and love Taylor swift. I have red hair, & Taylor Swift is my absolute best friend and my life wouldn’t be the same without her. And I owe so much to her. And basically I’m known as “the Taylor swift girl” at school so that’s kinda cool. Anyways The moral of this is I love Taylor swift!

Lexie: @drunkonswiftxo

I’m lexie, 18 years old. I have a very busy life actually, I compete in many different karate and martial arts competitions and was British Champion in 2016 with my sword and in October of this year I am competing in the World Martial Arts Games! Before any competition I usually get very nervous but listening to Taylor’s music calms me down (cringe ikr) but I wouldn’t be doing all of these if I didnt have a calming mechanism!

Natalia: @natalialovestaylor

hi! i’m natalia, i’m 15 and from the bay area. taylor has been in my life since i was 8 and i’ve been supporting her ever sense:) she makes me so happy, she’s like the sunlight in my life. i want her to know that i love her so much and i want to hug her and tell her thank you more than anything. 💗

Katie: @shapeofyouswift

hi i’m katie and i’m 16! i’m from ny and i went to all 3 metlife shows!! i’ve been seeing taylor in concert since the fearless era and i’ve seen her 11 times! i’m fortune to have met her 5 years ago at GMA and i was able to get a picture with her outside time 100 gala! taylor makes me so happy and has helped me through many rough times in my life as well as all of the happiest! i’m so thankful to have such a positive role model in my life!!

Meredith:

I’m Meredith and I love Taylor Swift more than words can describe:) I’ve been listening to Taylor since I was four and she has always been a big part of my life since then !! She inspires me everyday and makes my life so much brighter. I am so so proud of her and all that she has done!! Also, I love going to the beach and petting dogs🤩💓

Memphis: @taysmidnights

hi i’m memphis!! i play tennis and obsess over taylor swift! i’m from the beautiful state of california, and i love to surf! i first heard a ts song (You Belong With Me) in 2009, and i’ve loved taylor ever since. i am also a proud supporter of the LGBTQ+ community and have a passion for changing our world. oh, and i’m known as “that taylor swift fan” at my school, but i’m not complaining! 🧚🏼‍♀️

Brooke: @brookewhatyoumademedo

i’m brooke and i’m 14!! i live in cleveland, ohio along with some of my best friends i met through taylor!! i look a lot older than i am and it’s a good and bad thing haha. i used to play a lot of sports but i have decided to just stick with lacrosse!! i love music so much because it helps me with everything. taylor has been like my big sister since i was a baby and i’ve always looked up to her!! my stan song is stay stay stay because it always puts me in the best mood!! i love grey’s anatomy a little too much but i can’t help it. the show actually made me very interested in the medical field and as of now i want to be a pediatric neurosurgeon!! i also love volunteering and helping out my community as much as possible! and i like school which is kind of not something freshman say a lot haha. and that’s me!☀️🌸🦋💘💋

Paige: @taylorswift-paige

Hey! I’m Paige & I’m 21 (soon to be 22 😍). I live in Australia and I’ve been listening to Taylor since I was 9. The first time I saw Taylor perform live was at Speak Now and I was completely blown away, since then I’ve been lucky enough to see her perform 6 times. I’m so grateful that little me decided to listen to Taylor as I don’t know where I would be without her lyrics, music, and advice to guide me through life. Thankyou for everything Taylor, I love you so much and I’m so excited for the Lover era 💗😘

Skylar: @skylarswiftie13

Hey I’m Skylar and I’m 15!! I have been loving Taylor ever since I was 5 and I have (obviously) not stopped since. Other than obsessing over Taylor I loveee to run and watch friends and greys !! I have seen Taylor at the 1989 tour Detroit and Rep Detroit and they were hands down the BEST nights of my life and I def cried a TON hahah. I plan on going to Nash and either Chicago or Detroit for next tour! I absolutely cannot wait until the day that I get to wrap my arms around Taylor and thank her for everything she has done for me ahhh. I love you forever and always Taylor!! 🥰❤️🌈🦋✨☀️

@singitswiftie

Hi Taylor I’m ella and I’m turning 17 in August 12th! IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEW ALBUM! I just can wait to sing along to all of the songs🥰🥰 you are my absolute favorite human and you helped me with your songs! clean means THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD to me and I just relate to it on a personal level. Thank you for supporting lgbtqia+ always! YOU DESERVE THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD

Makayla @comebackbbehere

Hey T I’m Makayla!! I’m 13 and I’ve loved you since 2009!! My stan song is Come Back... Be Here not only because it’s amazing but because it has helped me through so so so SO much. It’s amazing how you can, with just a song, literally save someone’s life from spiraling downhill. So thank you. Thank you also, for inspiring so many people. Including me! You have inspired me to sing and write songs and songwriting is now a way I have learned to express myself and a way to help me get through the hard times. You have also inspired me to be more of an activist and speak up for what I believe in. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be a proud feminist or be as educated about the LGBTQ+ community!! In conclusion, thank you SO SO SO much for everything you do and just being the beautiful, amazing, inspiring person you are. I love you more than words can express and I can’t wait for August 23rd!!! ps: I really hope we can hug someday 💗

Bessie: @flyawayswift

Hey !! I’m Bessie, I’m 17 and I’m from the UK 🇬🇧!! I love to do Ballet and Tap dancing, but when it comes to Taylor’s music it’s generally just me doing crazy dad-dancing because I cannot stay calm during her songs. There’s aren’t many words which can sum up accurately how much I love Taylor or how grateful I am to have her in my life, but I love her to the moon and back 💛 I’ve been a swiftie for nearly 5 years, and have loved her music since I was 11. I’ve grown up with her as the big sister I never had, and my biggest dream EVER is to give her the biggest hug hehehe 💛💛

ana: @taysfavourite

hey!! i’m ana and i’m 14, i’m from the uk!! i love taylor (ofc) and i do gymnastics, i also love dance and stuff like that!! i am so thankful for taylor bringing me to some of my best friends!! (i’m always open for new friends btw) and yeah i love taylor!so!much! 💋💋💋

alex: @delicateswiftiez137

hi guys! i’m alex and i’m 14 years old. I live in illinois, and i’ve been a fan of taylor ever since I first heard love story and yblwm on the radio as a kid! my stan song is fearless because I love the message it portrays, but recently i’ve been OBESSED with the whole 1989 album because it’s a literal masterpiece! besides taylor related things, one hobby of mine is swimming! i’ve been a swimmer since I was about 2 years old! anyways, I hope you all have the best day! 🧁🌸🦋💗💋

Edith: @twinfiresignsswift

Hi, my name is Edith and I’m a 15 yr old from California! Anything related to cats is my ideal thing. I’m currently the mother of a tabby cat named Jagger who is very shy, grumpy, and introverted just like me, so the two of us get along very well 🥳 both of us are def party poopers. Anyway I enjoy art, especially watercolor! Initially I wanted to become an artist when I grew up, but I realized I would be poor asf, so now I want to major in biology and become some type of zoologist because animals are the best. In 2014, 5th grader me became obsessed with Blank Space and my life immediately changed from that day on. My favorite album is Speak Now because of how magical and well written it is. My 1 brain cell could never manage to write a whole masterpiece like that all by myself. And my stan song is You Are in Love!! It makes my heart go 💕💗💓 I am so incredibly grateful that I got to see Taylor for the first time ever on rep Pasadena night 1. It was the best day of my life :,) I know so many others do not have the same opportunities; I know how they feel, so I try to stay as humble as I can. I would be such a boring and sad person without Taylor and her amazing lyrics. She is such an amazing role model. Thank you for always being there for me, I will love you forever and always, and I am so excited to see what you have in stock❤️

Jess: @jessheartstaylor

hey!! I’m Jess and I’m 14, from the UK!! My stan song is begin again, I love it so much!! IM SO EXCITED FOR LOVER! I can’t wait to see what Taylor has in store for us!! I’m so thankful for Taylor as she’s such an incredible role model and idol to me, her music always cheers me up and she never fails to make me smile!! I love her so much- forever and always!! 💕💞💓💗💖💝

jordan: @fairytaleswift

hey taylor!! the thought of you scrolling all the way down and reading this right now is insane... all of us girls love you with everything inside of us. I have been supporting you for lucky number 13 years!!! I’ve been with you since 2006! I have been to Speak Now, Red, 1989 and Rep! I am so excited for Lover! It has been an honor watching you grow and become the amazing and strong woman you are today. I love you so much taylor... I hope we get to hug soon! 💗🌥🍭🦄🌩🌸🌈💐🦋💗💓🥰💅🏻🌥

Ravae: @vaelovestaytayswift

Hey I’m Ravae!! I’ve loved Taylor for as long as I can remember my sister has listened to her forever so I grew up listening to her!! Taylor inspires me everyday to be a better person and she’s a great role model. Her music helps me through the really rough times but also puts me in a better mood through the good times! I hope to meet you one day! Love you Tay🦋💞🌈💘🥺

Gracie: @inredlipsticks

Hey, Taylor! I’m Gracie and I’m 20 as of June 22nd. I’ve loved you since debut and my favorite album of all time is Fearless. I’ve been fortunate enough to see you four times and hopefully more on the lover tour 💗 along with Taylor, I also love Selena Gomez, Disney, and dogs!! 💗🦋🌸 The four most important things in my life.

Ella: @ellalovesswift

Hey! My name is Ella and I’m 17 years old. I’ve loved Taylor ever since the day my dad thought I needed my own music instead of just listening to his, this was when I was just seven years old and my dad bought me the fearless album and I fell in love with Love Story!! Ever since then I’ve never stopped loving Taylor! Other than her music, I’ve grown up with Taylor and every day she has inspired me to be a better person! My favourite songs are enchanted, better than revenge and dress! I’ve been to the red and reputation tours in Melbourne! Other than Taylor I am a swimmer. I swim a lot and it’s been a part of my life since before Taylor! I hope one day I can hug her and tell her how much she’s impacted my life! I will always stay, love you Tay 💗🦋💓🌸

bri: @briadorestay

hi t! my name is bri and i am 13 (turning 14 on august 19th) i have loved you since i was 5 years old and my stan songs are the archer, ciwyw, and you are in love. the soft songs🥺🥺 i love you so much and i hope you never stop doing what you’re doing because you are so inspiring!! i love u so much buddy! see you one day?🧚‍♀️☁️🌸💘🥺💗⭐️🕊

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th3okamid3mon · 5 years ago

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I feel pretty bad. I put a bit more of effort on the drawings and stickers I made. Even with the mistake I made with the paper i still tried to make it work, giving the watercoloring twist with it (i was convince by my parents to buy the paper instead of going somewhere to print the stickers, super bad decision). But my efforts weren´t enough. People didnt seem to like my drawings. They just stared confused and kind of passed by. They were more interested in my siblings photos and another artist beside me (I mean, he had really cool painting tools and his drawings were hella cool, of course they would just jump into his portfolio)

Maybe I just need to put more effort? But im just so tired all the time. Im so tired, so tired. I tried my best, I have enough to do what I want. I should take the opportunity and make more stuff but I´m so damn tired all the time. I feel I waste all the opportunities. My effort is never enough and I dont know what else to do. What am i supposed to do? What else can I do to make it feel less of a waste?

What am I missing? It´s just so damn tiring and I shouldnt feel that way. I shouldnt feel tired, I shouldnt waste time, I should be exploring more options, more opportunities, I have the opportunities. It´s never enough, why is it never enough? I feel awful. So awful for wasting everything I have. Im a waste. Im waste.

#what do i do?

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nisitime · 6 years ago

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Talk about your first love. he was sweet and turned out to be a douche drama queen

What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? oof hard to tell cause i love music in general ;; but i think all lo fi is amazing

How’s your heart feeling right now? broken as per usual but trying to heal

What kind of self care is your favorite to do? hmmmmmmmm eating fruit and maybe hair care

What’s your skincare routine? wash and sfoliate and lotion

How did you get to be so beautiful? no

Do you have any stuffed animals? a bunch

Best trip you’ve ever been on? hmmm i love everytime i go out

Favorite thing about your room? my computer and the photos on the wall

Opinion on love? love it but can soffocate

Are you affectionate? way to much for my own good

Who do you look up to? my brother

Favorite poet? dont have one

Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place? lo fi in general and sometimes dodie clark

Do you play an instrument? i dont but i have a couple of ocarinas and flutes

Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)? i do, tradicional i use alot ot watercolor but i also draw digitally

Do you dance? What style of dance? i dont...prefer singing

What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? gemini and +/-

Favorite old film? Dumbo and spirited Away

What’s your hairstyle? Bangs short on the back long in the front (even tho i have long hair now)

What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion? storming outside when im inside with a blanket

What upsets you most about the world? Arrogant ppl, and ppl who know they are wrong but still refuse to appologise and change

Are you in love right now? yis c:

Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them! also yis! he the cutest and makes me feel desired

Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! i dont but i wish

Do you have a lucky number? not really

Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? yes and yes

Do you believe emoji spells to work? ??????

Do you believe in magic in general? +/-

What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion? people smiling

Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? i love all colors

What instrumental sound is your favorite? flutes in general

Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? i love both

Who makes you happy? everyone that is nice to me

What makes you happy? everything thats sweet soft and kind

Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? pure, sweet, a small house 2 kids a noice husbando and i would continue on drawing

Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup? i dont wear it as often as i wanted cause i feel way to shy about it >///<

Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? I DO, i have this super fancy one in dark red ;;;

Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? i have more than one, i cried and moved on at my pace

Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them? prolly my bf, i can trust him with my heart

Introvert or extrovert? SUPER introvert

Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? i do and its ISFJ

Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, a or an angel? prolly a fairy???

What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5NlyYBwsds

Parlez-vous français? un petit peu

Most beautiful place you’ve been to? ....i love going out in general ;;;;

Where/when do you truly feel at home? with the ones i love

Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is goreous! it does and thank you ;;

Favorite shoe you own? ALL MY NIKE’S

Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? i love how they look on me but cant walk

Do you feel loved? sometimes

How do you express love to those you care about? being kind and supportive

Favorite term(s) of endearment? just call me by my name

Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? my best friend at the time (that actually abondoned me??) she called me on the phone and i was crying, she went to my place (1 hour away from where she was) and took care of me, she knew i didnt wantedo to talk so she just stood there hugging me till i cried everything and fell asleep

When is the happiest you’ve ever been? this past years have been nice

Are you happy right now? i guess

What makes you smile? sweet and kind ppl

Do you laugh a lot? i do

What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? sweet and lofi

Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? mutual love

What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? i do, i want a simple wedding and the person who im gonna marry to be crying when he/she sees me

Favorite flower? Lily of the valley

Favorite artist? oofie... i dont have one

Favorite music artist? also dont have one

How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? for me kindness is one of the most important traits ppl should have and i do think im super kind

Ever made a playlist for someone? dont think so

Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? i usually just cry

Early bird or night owl? both?

Morning routine? my skin care routine, breakfast and computer or school

Night routine? computer all night and one yogurt/fruit

What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? Kidness and respect

Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? i cry more than i shoul...my emotions get out but its never enough and i dont feel better after

Do you like hugs? i love them

When was the last time you kissed someone? the other day?

Are you small or tall? i’m tall but i always feel smol thanks to my bf and brother

Do you like wholesome memes? 👏 I 👏 Do

Favorite thing about the past? learning with my mistakes

Do you ever wonder abou the future? i do

Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? nop

Do you like plane flights? Airports? YIS

Sunrises or sunsets? Both if im with someone nice

The beach or a forest? same thing as 81

What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? *thinking* honestly dont know, my mood swings alot

Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? depends if im in a bad mood bacause of someone in the group

Favorite kind of tree? birch tree

Do you care about the health of the Earth? YUP

What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? vacations almost everyday

Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? when i have the time, i love the hunger games trilogy

What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? my dad

What’s your favorite personality trait you have? im kind and soft spoken

List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. my hips

When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about? last summer

Do you worry a lot? I DO

The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside? I love both tbh

Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? yis, aesthetics

Favorite pastry? sdfgsdfhgaerhga i love sweets in general ;;

Do you like doing little acts of kindness? yis

How’s your day/night going? not great but im maganing

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pbandjesse · 6 years ago

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Today was a very good day. But I'm also very tired and my jaw hurts and every time I stand up my knee tries to buckle. Why. Unacceptable.

But regardless of how my body is failing me, today was pretty great. I woke up today at 8, answered some texts and slept for another hour. It was very much needed and was great. I got up and had breakfast. Chilled on the couch and got ready for work.

It was a nice morning. And soon enough it was time to go to work. It actually didnt take as long as normal so I was like 20 minutes early. But that was nice because I got to hug on James for a while. I went and got changed and came down to the desk for a bit. James was doing the firing so he went to get ready for that.

I played around on the computer, worked on my chapter. I expanded my secrions and eventually even got the conclusion started which is always very hard for me. But I'm making progress.

The firing was like 10 minutes earlu which should not have been a big deal. But a little after noon a woman came in and was really mad at me that the firing didnt happen exactly at noon. Like she wasnt yelling but it was a close thing. And like thats such a non complaint?? Barely anyone was onboard and James was trying to beat the rain that was coming. It was ridiculous abd it made my chest hurt with thag kind of fear and upset i get when im in a confrontation. I didnt like that at all.

But soon enough after that a woman asked why the spoons in the case had a point on it. And i didnt know! So i investigaited. From what I can gather spoons with a point are a french style that became popular in America in the 19th century and the point is so you know when to buy a new spoon! When it wears down from misuse and scrapping the bottom of the bowel you are supposed to grt a new one! Neat!

The rest of the day was pretty good. It started storming and I got to sit with James and just embroider and it was just so calm and good.

Ben, my photographer friend, asked me if I could help with a shoot and he would buy me dinner. So of course I said yes. At 330 I got changed, said goodbye to James, and went to meet Ben.

We had a fun filled afternoon. We had Panera. Talked about tattoos. Went to target. I got a candle and apple cider and cupcake mix. Because I haven't been in target in ages and I couldnt help myself. Im very excited for cider!

We headed over to the park and spent a couple hours working on his shoot. Honestly it was just beautiful. He had this idea with the flowers coming from his chest and just all the colors and textures of the pictures was so beautiful. I had a really good time. And I learned a little about flash photography. It was a good time. Poor Ben got very wet boots and squished all the way to the car.

I got to keep the leftover flowers and that was really nice! Perks!

I was only slightly sad because apparently I had said I was going to work at the museum tonight for their free night but i really reallu have no memory of this. So I feel really bad that they didnt have me there. They said it was covered and all good. But I feel like a jerk still. I'll apologize more tomorrow.

Ben took me home and I unpacked some stuff. I did my watercolor sketch for the week. I had some pie. I decided to bake tomorrow. And thats when I started not feeling so great. I went and put my velvet duvet on my bed. Since its officially fall. And I've been resting and watching the new Shane Dawson doc. Im going to go make some toast and get ready to sleep.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Stay cozy!

#ootd #boy #photography #good day #work #tuesday #happy

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ourlittlebitofnothinguniverse · 7 years ago

Note

Hey for the ask thing, all the questions you're comfortable with answering

oh boy!!! heck yeah fun shit thanks my dude! little did u Kno…… I LOVE oversharing !!! lmao muahahahahaha i’m probably gonna answer all of them thank u for enabling it lmfao

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

yah on Rly Bad days

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

like… 3.5? i like the dark but,,, ‘m Scare,,,,,

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Orange Turnip

4. What is your favorite word?

it changes tbh,, hm but i can’t think of any rn!

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

i’d be….. a nice oak! thicc and full of secrets

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didn’t lmao reflection what’s that

7. What shirt are you wearing?

i’m wearing the dress i wore to work

8. What do you label yourself as?

annoying or boring lmao but also the Goblin King and that is Good

9. Bright room or dark room?

i still don’t know if this is referring to like paint shade or like the amount of light it gets or like if i sleep in a bright room or dark room so like??? *shrug emoji*

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

i was?? drawing i think

12. Who told you they loved you last?

i think it was @wrenn-frug 💕💖 lov u fren!

13. Your worst enemy?

dunno man probably myself but that sounds cliche so like??? the sun bc it always burns me

14. What is your current desktop picture?

a screenshot from song of the sea!!! lOVE that movie!!!! i’d post it but like?? i don’t think i have it saved anymore or if i do i don’t feel like looking but it’s that one scene where they’re walking thru the pretty field towards the trees and there’s foxes in the corner and she’s playing the shell it’s so pretty,,,,,

15. Do you like someone?

uh yah my cat

16. The last song you listened to?

Young God - Halseygood song lov it,,,,

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

oraNGE TURNIP

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

orange turnip my dude i Hate

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

uh nobody ????

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

my squishy thighs and my fantastic stretch marks (which have taken me YEARS to accept)

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

????????????? secret???? talent?????? lemme check, ,, , , *reaches into a bag* nope bitch empt y aint got No Talent lmao

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

okay so like this is really dumb and i partially answered this in this ask abt the flushing toilets @ night thing but like to elaborate and make it even more dumb not only am i afraid to flush toilets @ night bc it’s just rly creepy and loud to me (esp if i’ve been asleep) but like,, , sort of in the same vein of fear is that when i was little my older sister told me that there was a ghost in the toilet and if i don’t flush it’ll get me and like i kno it’s not tru but like,,,,,, Sometimes,,,,,, (i must clarify i’m not scared of toilets themselves but like flushing freaks me out sometimes like @ night or if i don’t flush fast enough lmao don’t look @ me i’m a mess)

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Excuse? is this like that i can ONLY eat this sandwich or is it that this is the only sandwich i can ever eat or like i can only ever have one last sandwich bc honestly i’m Not Okay with any of those scenarios no matter how many ingredients i get for the initial creation

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Dream daddy dating simulator lmao uh?? also probably more food for archie bc he is Expensive

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Ireland probably. always wanted to see ireland

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

“Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out” like???? no???? if u don’t drink alcohol why would u want a lifetime supply??? unless i could like…. sell it??? whats the Most Expensive kind i’ll just get an unending supply of heavenly Expensive Alcohol to sell for incredibly inflated prices to the rich bc it’s From Heaven and give the money to the poor bc like,,, why not

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

bitches gotta keep they damn opinions to themselves if they can’t respect somebody’s life based on factors they can’t help (race, religion, orientation, gender etc) also no money like We Don’t Need It i’m so tired of Needing money

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuck bc u can use it in So Many situations

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

o shit probably the twenty dollar metallic watercolors i got bc shit son??? actually probably like my laptop or smth idk

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

my childhood thx

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

this is.. not a questionalthough it is a wonderful scenario

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

none of them bc if the celestial gates of the beyond is real then all the people i’d want to bring back are probably in a Better Place or something and why would i want to drag them to Hell?

34. What was your last dream about?

Cannot remember to save my life altho i kno it was rly weird and convoluted

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

u did not put anything Here so i will Ignore

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Nope

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yAH it’s fun!

38. What is the color of your socks?

not wearing any

39. What type of music do you like?

A Lot

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets,,, evening is so nice mm m

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate ayyyy

43. Do you have any scars?

a couple but like for Dumb Reasons

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I’ve graduated hs but i wanna be an animator when i decide which college to go to

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

my brain pls bartender can i have a Healthy One (correction to favorite word #4: fav word currently is deign)

46. Are you reliable?

i would like to think so

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are you happy?

48. Do you hold grudges?

YAH but only if i’ve been Pushed Too Far which is Pretty Damn Far by most ppls standards

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

none I am Not a God

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

i have had So Many???? the most recent one was two times in a row random ppl i barely knew asked me for my netflix account bc they didnt have one and like…. bro what who R U,,,,, (i had literally only talked to the first guy once for ten minutes on fb)

51. Are you a good liar?

is the sky green? don’t think so

52. How long could you go without talking?

Very Long but like Only on Bad Weeks

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

None my hair is Magnificent (idk)

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

like birthday cake? never but i lov to bake cakes so like i bake myself cakes all the time

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

i am so bad @ accents i can’t even Read in my Head in accents even though i know what the accent Should Sound Like

56. What do you like on your toast?

peanut butter and banan slices

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

working on a picture of a tiger redraw

58. What would be you dream car?

a Bike bc i Do Not Like cars

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i only sing in the shower when nobody is home (which is infrequent bc my mom is Always here) bc i am self conscious around most ppl but like Music,,,,, also when i was little i would pretend that i was standing in the rain all sad like in movies lmao

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yah

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

i follow an astrology blog and i read homestuck i mean,,

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

i??? A maybe bc there are a lot of ways to write it pretty idk but like specifically capital A ig

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Dragons they’re fire-breathing friends and i love them

64. What do you think about babies?

Gross

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

U Didn’t put anything Here either so like how abt i give u a random fact abt myself that seems good my favorite bird is the lammergeier bc they’re basically irl dragons and they’re so pretty??? love them??? also i hate monkeys and apes esp chimpanzes bc they are scary and too much like humans to me i don’t like them

BOY that took way longer than i thought bc i had to feed my cat halfway thru and everything and like this is a Long Post sorry guys but ayyyyy this was fun thanks ari

#ask meme #i think i asked all but like three

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skiasurveys · 7 years ago

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Pick a word that starts with the third letter of your first name: Nathan The past 72 hours have you been under the influence? nope What were you doing at ten last night? i was watching netflix What was the last thing you drank? Dr. Pepper- VANILLA flav Who was the last person you hugged? connor i think

Did you have a dream last night? Yeah it was wild. i dreamt i was with my friend and we were hanging at our college and i was carrying shit, and we met up with these people and apparently they went up some ladder idk and i couldnt climb and i was like yo i cant do that and they were like sorry too bad and i cried like LMAO WHAT How many piercings do you have? 0 If you could have something right now, what would it be? a nice apartment Have you ever had a panic attack? yep Have your parents ever smoked pot? no Last time you cried really really hard? idk the other day probs What’s your favorite color? pastels Do you think your last ex deserves to die? No omg Will your next kiss be a mistake? no Who texted you last? Kyra Who was the last person you talked to in person? My mom. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? i have, not that hard. Have you lost friends in the past 3 years? i did and then regained Is tomorrow going to be a good day? maybe. not doing anything. Do you listen to music every day? yes Are you listening to it right now? No. Are you talking to anyone while doing this? texting people Do you own more than one cell phone? no Whose phone number did you get last? i forget actually Have you ever been asked out? yeah lol Your current relationship status? taken If you could go back in time and change something, would you? Most definitely. Ever had a near death experience? Yes What is something you do a lot? complain If you could have one super power, what would it be? To read minds maybe What do you usually order from Starbucks? strawberry n creame frap Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows? some hahaha What are you eating or drinking at the moment? nothing Do you speak any other language? no What is your favorite smell? the smell after it rains

When was the last time you gave/received a hug? i cant remember Ever been kissed in the rain? no What should you be doing? idk assignments Who was the last person that made you upset/angry? a random If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want? im fine with mine Do you act differently around the person you like? i guess i do. with my boyfriend im just more open about my feelings than i am with other people What is your natural hair color? brown How many keys are on your key chain? i dont have a key chain If you were given a canvas and watercolors, what would you paint? a fox Whose mind, besides your own, would you like to control? i dont want to do that What is the first thing you do when you get out of bed? it depends on what the day is What are you thankful you are not doing right now? school What is your favorite kind of candy? skittles What is your favorite thing about the beach? chill

If you were invisible, where would you go? Anywhere. What is one object in your home that you are embarrassed to own? nothing Who is one person you wish you would have never met? alan What is your favorite fruit? Banana. What is your favorite kind of cookie? oreos What do you need to get right now at the drug store? Nothing. What was the happiest age of your life? when i was 13/14 What color looks best on you? Idk What is your favorite thing about being sick? i get babied What commercial do you find most annoying? a lot of them. What was your favorite meal growing up? mcdonalds??? What body part aches you the most right now? neck What is the longest you have ever gone without a shower? a week i think. that was after my surgery when i couldnt shower cus i didnt feel well enough What was your 1st alcoholic beverage? wine probably Are you getting along with your parents? Yeah. Whats on your feet right now? Socks. What do you think of your last ex? thank god hes gone. he was fucking retarded Are you a good speller? decent enough Is your hair curly or straight? curly Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you? shes my friend since we were 10 Where is your phone? Next to me. Last time you felt bad about something? Often.<-- same Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? maybe Do you mind sleeping on the floor? Yes Honestly, do you hate the last girl you were talking to in person? no Spell your name without an E? Jnssa

#survey

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