#but it feels like a lot of our newer members get ignored a lot more

[parablesystem]

being a newer member of a system is rly isolating sometimes honestly. because making new friends is really hard (especially with the current state of system-focused servers), but it also feels like our current system friends don't really care that i'm here. like yeah i know you want to talk to your friend of a few years now but i'm also here? hi?

- max

[samgirl98]

Mending a Family 11/?

Prev | Next

Jason and Jazz bond, and Dick has a sort-of revelation.

Jason sat by the table after saying goodbye to Roy, Raven, and Lian and putting Danny to bed. After the revelation of Mar’i, the adults had sobered a little, and it had gotten awkward. Thankfully, the kids kept playing though Danny would side-eye Jason every once in a while. His knowing look reminded Jason that Danny was a sixteen-year-old trapped in the body of a five-year-old.

Jazz sat across from him with two cups of tea. She gave one to Jason and asked, “How are you feeling?”

Jason frowned; how was he feeling? A part of him was disappointed, but he understood.

“Jazz, when I came back, I killed people. I hurt Tim. It makes sense that Dick never told me he had a daughter. I’m doing the same thing now with Danny! Besides, nobody in their right mind would let a murderer around their child.”

“Just because you understand and can rationalize it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.”

Jason smiled softly at her, “What are you, my psychiatrist, now?”

“I don’t have to be a psychiatrist to know this affected you more than you want to let on.”

Jason sighed, “I understand; really, I do. But what pisses me off is that Roy told me that Dick is obsessively looking for me. All of them are. How can they freeze me out of the family, not at least tell me, ‘Hey Jason, you’re an uncle,’ and then call me family and use that as an excuse to hunt me down like a rabid animal?”

Jazz sipped her tea, “I think they’re probably feeling guilty now because they managed to chase you away. From what I’ve heard, they like to be in control.”

Jason snorted, “Yeah, they’re all control freaks that have no issue invading others’ privacy. Starting with Daddy Bats.”

“Do you miss them,” she asked quietly.

“I do,” he answered in the same volume, “but I burned those bridges long ago.”

They stayed in silence for a while.

“I hope I’m not overstepping, but you have become my family. I see how you act around Danny, and I am grateful that you parent and love him the way a parent loves their child. Our parents weren’t the best, so I’m glad Danny will get a second chance at childhood, and it’s all thanks to you.”

Jason smiled, “Well, at least I’m doing right by Danny.”

“You think—you think you’ll ever talk to them again?”

“Not when there’s a chance they’ll take Danny away from me. They see me as unstable, but I won’t ever hurt Danny. I don’t know if I’m a bad parent, but Danny has helped me more than I’ve helped him, and he’s keeping me sane.”

Jazz shrugged, “I’m not precisely sane myself, and as long as you don’t verbally tell Danny he’s the only reason you feel your mental stability is better, then I see no harm in it. It’s bad when a parent puts that pressure on their child. However, I have a feeling you’re saner than you think you are.”

Jazz finished her tea.

“Besides, you can’t be judged by human standards.”

Jason rolled his eyes; he stopped explaining to Danny and Jazz that he was utterly, one hundred percent human.

“Do you really think I’m a good parent?”

“Yes,” she answered without hesitation.

Jason sighed, “I miss my old family sometimes.”

“You want to talk about them?”

“I can’t talk much about the newer members, but Dick, he’s my oldest brother; he’s huggy, a huge jokester. There’s always a pun or quip coming out of his mouth. He didn’t; well, when I was younger, I thought he hated me. He was always yelling at Bruce, and most of the time, he ignored me, but eventually, he came around.”

“I remember one time he took me train surfing. It was so fun! I was hanging out with my older brother, my predecessor. He also stole Bruce’s car once and took me on a joyride after Bruce had grounded me.”

“There’s also Barbie. She helped me a lot with homework when I was younger. She’s—she’s also the only one that kept contact with me after all the shi—things I did. You remind me of her. She’s kind, same as you. And you both have red hair. She’s crazy smart like you are. The things she can do with computers,” Jason shook his head in disbelief.

“There’s Alfred. He’s like a grandfather to me. He taught me how to cook; he’s the one I miss the most, to be honest. I wouldn’t be surprised if he missed me, too, but he was giving me my space.”

Jason couldn’t bring himself to talk about Bruce. The man had been his father, but he had both disappointed Jason and been disappointed by Jason.

His biggest failure, Jason thought bitterly.

“Mom and dad,” Jazz started, took a deep breath, and continued, “Mom and dad, when they weren’t obsessed with their work, showed how much they cared for us in their way. Mom would make delicious fudge that got devoured quickly. Dad, he would call me his princess.”

“We’d go camping every summer until—until the portal opened. They had always been obsessed with ghosts, but they went into overdrive after the portal. They neglected us; Danny was being hurt. Eventually, it became too much, and Danny started detaching himself from everyone, including his friends, because he didn’t want anyone hurt.”

“I miss them sometimes, but I can never forgive them for what they did. They find out about Danny, and the first thing they do is attack! How could they?!”

Jazz was breathing hard, “How could they? They told us they loved us.”

Jazz started crying. Jason was stunned for a moment, and then he got up. He let Jazz cry on his shoulder.

Two broken people held on to each other. They may have lost an old family, but slowly, they would build a new one.

____

“Daddy!”

Dick opened his arms as his daughter flew into them. Kory floated right beside him and smiled softly at their three-year-old.

“Thanks for letting her stay with me for the week,” Dick said, “I needed this.”

“My pleasure. She wanted to see her daddy, anyway.”

Dick let Mar’i down and watched as she ran to her room.

“How’s the search going,” Kory asked.

Dick’s smile fell. They still hadn’t found any trace of Jason. Alfred was telling them to leave Jason alone and that he’ll contact them when he wants to. Roy stopped talking to Dick altogether, and Bruce was losing his mind.

“It’s not going well. Why, have you found anything?”

“No, sorry, but I haven’t been paying too much attention.”

“That’s okay. Wally and Superman are looking for him. We’ll find him, eventually.”

Mar’i decided to come out at that moment.

“Daddy, daddy, can we go see Grandpa Bruce,” she lisped, “and Uncles Timmy and Damian and aunties Cassie and Steph? Will Uncle Duke be there with the pretty lights?”

Dick felt a ping in his chest. His daughter hadn’t mentioned Jason. She had never met him, and Dick couldn’t help but feel guilty.  Would Jason have stayed if the family had tried to integrate him more? Was it because of them that he left?

That bothered Dick, questions. He wanted, needed to know why Jason left instead of coming to them.

Because you shut the door, his mind supplied.

It was right.

@idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit @skulld3mort-1fan @theauthorandtheartist @emergentpanda-blog @jaggedheart11 @fisticuffsatapplebees @booberrylizard @fantasticbluebirdfan @thegatorsgooseoose @cyrwrites @kjoboo91 @crystallicedart @amaramizuki666 @spekulatiusmuffin @meira-3919 @kilasmess @bubblemixer @lexdamo @wonderland-daisy @mj-arts-n-stuff @amyheart19 @dolfay @the-church-grimm @undead-essence @aph-mable @lizisipancardo @purrloin77 @writer-extraodinaire @charlietheepic7 @sinfulloccultist @nootherusernameworked @coruscateselene @chaoticchange @itsberrydreemurstuff @gmkelz11 @feral-bunny31 @paroovian @thatonegaybitch68 @d4ydr34min9 @overtherose @fandomwandererer @vipower001 @thordottir45 @blackrabbitt3t @rosecinnamonbun @bianca-hooks123 @epilepticnerd @dat1angel @consouling @flamingenchiladadragon

[aida-sparks]

Buddie fans are relentless (and it's a good thing)

Geez, I was not prepared for the rollercoaster of woe that comes from shipping a pair that is not canon (yet!).

I am not a new fan to the show, 9-1-1. I've loyally watched every week for years, cherished the members of the 118, cherished Buck and Eddie's special relationship. I just hadn't been involved in the fandom of it all up until recently. I was just a tv viewer. But being newer to interacting with the fandom, I admit that consuming social media about 911 and Buddie has thrown me for a bit of a loop. I keep seeing the same recycled tactics to argue why people who ship buddie are delusional and why buddie will "never happen". These arguments are off-putting and frankly quite poor. (I don't like to focus on the negative so this will be my only post dedicated to this.)

Argument One: "There's already a gay couple on the show." No kidding. The statement is problematic in and of itself; people don't go around limiting the number of straight couples on a show, do they? It's fantastic that we have a strong, integral gay couple in Hen and Karen, two beautiful and fabulous lesbians, that are vital to this show, but why can't there be more? One representation alone doesn't cover the spectrum of LGBTQ+ portrayals of different romantic dynamics.

Argument Two: "Why can't we have two guys be close without putting a romantic label on it? It's refreshing to see male friendship." Bro... Platonic male friendship is important (all friendship is). It's not all that uncommon, though. Male friendship is focused on a lot already in many shows. But two adult male friends discovering new aspects of their identify that shift their relationship with each other toward something romantic? That's the more refreshing take here; it's one that we don't get to see in media right now but should. Flip the script, 9-1-1.

Argument Three: "They weren't introduced as gay or bi-sexual. It would be too out of left field to go there now." Not true. The show has the creative freedom to explore this narrative and can do it plausibly. There is obviously a very large part of the 9-1-1 fandom that has already interpreted Buck and Eddie's story as having the potential to become romantic. The pair has many parallels to the other canon couples on the show. There are plenty of moments and scenes from prior seasons (post-tsunami with Christopher, the shooting, the Will, all of Eddie Diaz's fond gazes aimed at Buck, etc.) that can be referenced in future episodes via well-crafted montage/edit that will help shed light on any developing feelings from either or both Buck and Eddie. Besides, not allowing a relationship to evolve into something different just because it didn't start out that way? What kind of stunted outlook is that? We want a story about how individuals can question and explore their sexuality at any age. Heck, during the graveyard scene near the end of season 6, Buck and Eddie talked about how experiences have changed them. They're clearly still growing and changing as individuals. It is not a stretch for them to discover whatever they've been searching for this whole time is actually found in each other. ---- That's it from me on this. I'm going to try doing a better job of ignoring the negative talk out there. I hope all buddie fans stay positive too, and when they call us relentless, we take that as a good thing. I hope we all recognize and resect the other characters and ships of this wonderful, wonderful show of ours too! Most of all, I hope we respect each other.

[interstellarsystem]

As someone only just opening up to the idea of exploring the system, do you have any tips on what helped you or stories that relate? I'm kinda just at a loss but seeing your website was very helpful for me.

Sorry we're late to this, life is busy so we haven't had many spoons left to formulate thoughtful responses.

I'm glad our website was helpful! We're still slowly working on updating it, there's lots of bits and pieces missing but coding is an absolute pain when our brain wants to focus on literally anything else.

But anyway.... Some of this might not apply to you, some of this you might already know, and some might be helpful. That's a whole part of being a system--everyone is different. We went through things others might not have, and vice versa. This is mainly sharing what we think was important for us and may help others and is by no means the system rulebook or anything like that.

1. First, let's talk about "personhood", for lack of better phrasing.

Honestly, first of all I'd say that remembering that your headmates have separate feelings and such like any other person would is very important. Keeping this in your brain can help when tensions between you might get high due to you not seeing things the same way, or if you can't understand something from their perspective.

Sometimes things get complicated sharing a body but remembering that beyond the shared space, they might be just as complex as you is very important to all of you. Maybe they have specific hobbies, maybe they don't like the movies you do, maybe they don't really even know who they are yet. Give them space and time to explore themselves as much as you'd need for yourself, and learn together if you want to. Try to get to know them like you would with any external person--and more importantly, listen to what you all individually want.

You won't always get along. If you shove, say, 30 random strangers in a room together and put them there for the next week, some people won't like each other. Some will become great friends. Others will just kind of be there. It's a bit different in a system but the premise still stands--they can have different opinions. This includes on any friends you might have. This is normal even if it might be hard to navigate, but honestly the stepping stone to preventing any huge arguments in a system is establishing communication and understanding.

We didn't have the biggest problem with this one, but our system needed to come a long way for all of us to feel equal in the body and the same amount of "being a person" as each other, which for us was absolutely needed.

We had issues with mistreating persecutors especially, and none of that was productive to our functioning. Some of the persecutors who were around back then are still angry. It sucks, bad things happen, and moving more toward treating headmates more properly was a huge step for us. If we get a new persecutor now, we treat them as we would literally anyone else. One of the newer ones fronts over here a good 70% of the time now, with no issues. This won't be the same for everyone but keeping things calmer starts with not msitreating anyone.

Overall, making sure your system feels seen and understood by other members or can at least coexist usually makes everything else easier.

2. Maybe an obvious one and one that's been said many times, but ignore discourse while you're new--or for as long as you can.

This might make some people roll their eyes, but seriously. You don't need to justify yourselves to anyone. They don't need your diagnostic history, information on your headmates, information on your age, what experiences you have or don't have--you don't have to share anything you don't want to. Discourse is so damaging to mental health in general, especially when you're trying to figure out a new experience you have. Being a system is confusing sometimes and you don't need people screaming at each other or at you about it while you're still new and learning.

But on that topic... If you experience it, whatever that may be, it's real enough to you and you don't need anyone else to deconstruct your life/lives to deem you valid or invalid. "Is it a thing for x to be able to happen?"--I'm almost certain it'll usually be a resounding yes. Now, whether whatever "x" is in that situation is productive or harmful? That's more of a thing that people might be able to weigh in on, but you still know what your experiences are and the same things will not always harm or help everyone. You know yourselves better than anyone else--no one is in your head, except for your systemmates. And they know what they feel, not random people outside that.

If you're getting hate, block them. If people are questioning you too thoroughly and you can't handle it or it feels invasive, block them. You can block people for literally any reason you'd like and it's perfectly okay! Yeah, some people might get grumpy that you blocked them and they can't argue anymore, but if they come back on an alt? Block them again, also report them. If certain people, a certain space or anything similar is taking a toll on your mental health, take a step back and decide if whatever benefit these things are giving outweigh the stress. If anything at all is taking a toll on you, reevaluate why you're continuing to be in those spaces.

We occasionally respond to discourse or a particularly confusing or funny hate ask, but that's because mentally we can handle it. We've been around for long enough we've seen a lot and we're in therapy and we're mentally stable for the most part. Yes, sometimes it still does hurt and that's when a break is needed--you don't need to put people's opinions of you before your health.

3. Take your time. You have plenty of it.

Another one that's said a lot but it really is true. You don't need to push yourselves to know everything about every one of you immediately. You don't need to know every system term on pluralpedia within the first week--or ever. You don't need to know how to put your experiences into words, or switch on command, or explain where your system came from. Systems are complex and honestly even after knowing about ours since 2017-18 we're still learning new things that have been around for years we just didn't know about, and that's okay!

Experience things as they go--journal if you'd like, keep a switch log on something like the SimplyPlural app or a physical book, etc. Take notes of whatever you'd like to look back on if you want, or if you have issues with memory between headmates. Take things one day at a time and remember that you don't need to be a plural experiences encyclopedia within the month, or ever.

You being a system is all it takes to be a system. More than one person in your head? Congrats, you're plural! No further explanation needed--origin labels, member roles, member count, whether you have fictives or factives or not--literaly none. Wanting to know things is normal but you sure as hell don't need to know it all and there's no rush.

That being said, take your time looking through resources and even personal sites made by systems. Neocities is a good place to look for personal websites, and we can recommend joining communities for plurals and even just occasionally looking at experiences. The pluralgang tag here on Tumblr is inclusive, r/plural isn't a place we frequent too often but from what we've seen it's good, there's plenty of Discord servers to pick from--you'll likely learn things along the way, along with what fits you and what doesn't. Just remember everything about spaces draining you that was said in point 2.

---

I honestly can't think of much more that doesn't go into specific experiences that would be much more niche. Most of this is pretty broad but I hope it's somewhat helpful at the very least. If you have follow up questions, absolutely feel free to send them in, and good luck!

[fruitless-vain]

Decided to go to Canadian tire for a walk/ training for Yo.

Not directly asking for much, since we end up pretty isolated over winter it was more an opportunity for her to maintain exposure to the public and free shape maintenance on some behaviours. She was, as expected, pretty distracted but all things considered I think she did great! It took maybe 3 minutes for her to offer her normal standard focus upon entering the store and she did awesome down quieter aisles. She maintained a pretty tight heel for most of the trip only really leaving it for a couple of sniffs here and there. She did not offer her auto-leave-people very much but again I expected that since she has not seen a stranger in well over a month at this point. So she sniffed some ankles here and there, a lot of them she walked by in a heel but wanted to watch instead of offering focus. She did do great with offering focus when people talked to her though! And settled beautifully when I was browsing despite carts/ people going by.

A couple of staff members complimented her on how well behaved she was and all of them were very respectful by keeping distance. Nobody tried to touch her without asking and honestly most people just straight up ignored her which was great.

We got lots of practice in on her front-settle where I ask her to tuck between me and a shelf while I look to keep her out of the way. This is a newer behaviour for her (I use to just keep her at my side) and she nailed it every time I asked for it.

It also seemed to be stock day so we got to watch people slam pallets around, wheel really loud carts, slam boxes, etc. she started off a bit jumpy but still controlled. She would do a little jolt about a foot away and then slow down, offer focus, and reset herself. She really only struggled if the bangs were happening behind her at the end of our trip, she could walk towards the sounds just fine. And that was just with the loud bangs, for more continuous sounds like wheelie carts or dragging clattering things she did totally fine with, we even got stuck in a tight aisle with an empty extra clattery wheeler having to drive right at her then veer around in a super close proximity. She perfectly stayed in a tight heel-sit, offered focus while it approached, took some moments to watch it, offer more focus as it passes, then not care at all.

Then we had a bit of an asshole in line at the till who kept intentionally slamming his item on the ground when he noticed it made her jump. She handled this really well for where she’s at right now. First time she was in heel with her back to the person, then they slammed the item she jumped a foot forwards and turned to watch. They did it again so she moved in front of me angled so she could watch the person make the scary sound using my body as a bit of a safety barrier so she could feel more confident observing. They continued to bang their item at her for the duration of the line, she took treats and watched, occasionally jolting her body but not actually jumping away. Thankfully we were only stuck in that situation for 2-5 minutes so she didn’t get flooded. I continuously treated every time it happened and she continued to do her best to just watch and process.

She did great at the till, these ones are very close together and it was busy so there was a ton of chaotic beeps and people sounds from every angle. I needed to lure her to the front since it was actually too loud for her to hear me ask for it, but once lured she stayed there perfectly for the whole transaction. I expected a bit more leaving position considering this was immediately after having that person repeatedly scare her. I figured she’d be shaken up and wanting to move around, keep an eye on things, etc. but she was actually able to shake off that situation for the most part.

Not the best trip in terms of *performance* but a solid trip for reintroducing her to the world and getting exposure.

[bookwyrminspiration]

I think a part of their being less fanfics is that a some of people who wrote fanfic left the fandom due to the long gaps between unlocked and Stellarlune, as well as them not liking Stellarlune.

This is shown in the way that there is a lot of AU fics or post-canon fics. While a lot fo people do enjoy writing canon-complimentary fics, it’s not something everyone is interested in, plus canon right now is kind of weird so it’s easier to just ignore it.

Also, it seems that a lot of the fandom is older now, so we are more critical of our work and have less time/motivation to write fanfic, even if we want to. Plus, as people get older, they are more aware of how characters are out of character in our writing and they therefore feel the need to make them all in character.

To add on to that, the hits to likes/kudos to comments ratio is so freaking off it’s not even funny. There’s less engagement, which leads people to believe that they are not good at writing, which means that they shouldn’t post anything.

I know what I said isn’t true for everyone, but that does feel like that’s what is happening. I am just speaking based off of what I see and experience. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong.

What are your thoughts on this Quil? Do you agree or disagree? Do you think this will continue or will it be resolved with the next book?

Sincerely, ⚙️

(PS I wanted to say that I did read your Kam one shot and while I didn’t really fully process what was going on, I did enjoy reading it. You did a good job at nailing their characters. When I have the time, I will properly explain every feeling that I have.)

That's a fair observation--the one thing I'd say to your comments about older fandom members leaving and current older members having less time is that fandom is always in flux. There's always new people joining and others leaving, at least here, but it doesn't seem like as many of the newer people are fic writers. Like there were some popular fanartists who aren't in the fandom anymore, but we still have popular fanartists who have joined since. And my anecdotal observation is that that doesn't seem to be happening with fic writers as much--but again, that's a casual observation not a vetted one so I may be off or just not seeing new writers myself

Though our fandom is in a weird place right now with longer wait times and the story taking an unexpected direction, so I'm sure that also has an impact. I don't think there's any one thing that's responsible, there's an intersection of different things that impact people in different ways. I'm really just focusing on one that we have more control over. We can't control all the other factors, but we can collaboratively make a supportive, encouraging space for writers of all skill levels and interests! And I think it would be neat to do so!

As for the hit/like/kudos ratio, it is disheartening at times. Though I do think we shouldn't be basing our self-worth and opinions of our writing on interaction. If someone feels shitty about their writing/skill level because of low interaction I believe they should reflect and work to disconnect that sense of self from others' opinions, not that we need to interact to make them feel better. That is something for them to work through for themselves

But at the same time, it would be naive to completely ignore how interaction shapes writing and creation in general in fandom spaces. Because it does play a role for many. Fandom spaces are a community, and community is built on interaction and support!

I have no way of knowing what will happen with the next book or what the fandom will look like--like I said, it's always changing, and my time blindness makes it very difficult for me personally to see and understand the cycle of slumps and activity. But I think we, as a fandom, do have the opportunity to take some measure of control over this.

We can choose how to react to what we see and what kind of space we want to create. We could wait for the next book and just kinda see what happens, or we could make an active effort now to interact with writers and their work when we read it, and to separate our sense of worth from the amount of interaction we get.

That doesn't mean everyone has to go out and read tons of fic and leave the longest comments in the world, just that I think many of us (and this 100% includes me too) could put in a small amount of more effort to interact with fics and writers to support fic in fandoms in a variety of ways.

I'll leave it there for now, but there is always more to be said so don't take everything as the entirety of my thoughts. The main point of my post commenting on how I saw less fic was me going "hmm, I can't control everything else happening, but interaction and encouragement is very helpful for writers and something within my control and I want to support writers more than I do currently". I'm not intending to make some grand sweeping statement or push others to do things, it's just what I've reflected on and what I want to do about it :)

[astrolovecosmos]

Neptune: Deep Dive

Pink petals

fallen onto

night shaded

waters.

Nothing is ever as it seems.

Wood turned to metal.

Reality turned to dreams.

-Natasha Reeves 

The planet Neptune I think is most famous for two things - illusions and dreamy or ethereal associations. A lot of negativity is also commonly associated such as addiction, insanity, guilt, sorrow, denial, and doubt. This planet is complex and just like all the other planets has a huge array of associations. What prompted me to do a deep dive in Neptune? Well for one I’ve been going through the transit of Neptune in Pisces crossing over my IC which has been powerful and I am at the end of my progressed Moon in the 12th House. Also in my own chart I’ve been paying more attention to my natal Neptune placements... which are a lot more prominent and worthy of my attention than I’ve understood and noticed in the past. Honestly I spend a lot more time analyzing others’ charts vs. my own, and I really should have looked more closely at some of my own aspects. I have had a LOT of experience with Pisces influences throughout my life, intense ones. I want to make it clear that Pisces DOES NOT = Neptune. I’ve always wanted to write a whole essay about my experience as a Pisces friend, lover, family member, enemy, etc. An outsiders opinion but that isn’t this. This is a disclaimer because this is going to be both theory and my own experiences. This is a deep dive. 

The Sea’s Love and Wrath 

Neptune in a lot of mainstream media is described as gentle but this planet can be unpredictable and harsh, with erratic energy that could rival Uranus. Neptune can be about tolerance and kindness, seeing past the ego and material. Neptune can embody or promote unconditional love and forgiveness. Because Neptune can be about dissolving and merging this planet allows us to see ourselves in others, maybe even in everyone allowing for compassion, empathy, and the ability to love very freely and openly. But the illusion and deception of Neptune is its shadow. 

Romanticizing and idealizing can be one of Neptune’s downfalls. Many times this is described as putting other’s on a pedestal but this can be applied to any area of life from work to places to ideals. From this those with strong Neptune aspects or prominent placements can find that disappointment is a frequent visitor. Neptune square, opposite, or conjunct Venus can quickly fall for others, trust others, and gravitates towards those they want to help or who have a strong personality they can meld with. Neptune opposite or square Mercury may face the frustration and disappointment of frequently being misunderstood or finding that they easily misread others or trust their words. After feeling tricked there can be wrath to these oceanic bodies. 

Where will their vengeance or anger land? It isn’t fair if they idolize you to get mad at you... sometimes their anger is self-loathing and self-destructive, other times they take you down with them. But the lesson is that Neptune can be as soft and as dangerous as the sea. 

Enlightenment and Madness

Coming down from the high, was getting lost in Neptune’s blue. Dreams and visions dancing in the back of my mind, when reality is so hard to chew. Sensation used to distract and pieces of stories stitched together to where nothing is fact.- Natasha Reeves 

There are many influences that can grant us wisdom or enlightenment throughout astrology, but I don’t see too many writings or posts about Neptune and its connection to enlightenment, nirvana, or eurekas and on the flipside also insanity and denial. Neptune can pull away the fog to give us clarity - especially when looking at the whole of things, the big picture. Neptune can famously also be the fog. 

The transit of Neptune crossing over my IC/4th House brought a lot of light to my childhood and how I was raised. However my IC is in Pisces, while Pisces isn’t the same as the planet, and many astrologers believe Neptune is not the ruling planet of Pisces - it is a sign known for illusions, confusion, and vagueness much like Neptune. I came from a place of a lot of secretiveness and vagueness, but when the “planet of illusions” crossed over I found myself accepting the instability and moments I felt lost or clueless in my life as well as looking back with remembering and understanding. 

Neptune can represent the part of us that is hard to grasp and understand, it also faces us with the idea that it is okay to have unanswered questions, to not have closure, that many times we have to create that closure or solidity ourselves. Neptune much like Jupiter is a matter of faith whether in ourselves or a higher power. 

It should be noted Neptune doesn’t always mean outside sources. Neptune is an introverted, intimate actor. It can represent how we lie to ourselves, trick ourselves, or how we push responsibility off of ourselves. Neptune also allows us to see, understand, more importantly feel what we easily ignore or can’t see. 

Life’s Extremes - Our Extremes 

“Neptune moves between the greatest extremes: from the highest spiritual awareness through imagination, fantasy, and illusion, to the depths of deceptions and disillusionment. The planet of mysticism, glamour, and enchantment, Neptune exerts a hypotonic fascination.” - Judy Hall. 

When many think of extremes they probably think Pluto before Neptune. The blue sphere isn’t going to take away the icy orb’s reputation - Pluto holds tightly in terms of extremes, but Neptune is far from a level-headed, consistent influence. Let’s touch on fantasy and illusion - two things that tends to warn of foolishness or impracticality, but fantasy is part of everyone’s life, no matter how pragmatic or mature an individual claims to be. From coping to manifesting to understanding to enjoying, fantasy is a natural human thing. Think of how often you daydream in an hour, how many books, movies, and games you indulge in, how often you find yourself being tempted by gossip, and how often you find yourself painting a picture of another in your head - negative or positive. 

Neptune symbolizes the abstract, importance, and rawness of our fantasies. Individuals with prominent Neptune aspects can find themselves easily tapping into their imagination, falling into escapism frequently, or have a great use for their wild ideas. If you think of the subject of fantasies or illusion as an extreme - it makes sense. You aren’t going to get an interesting story without the gods and monsters. Our sleeping dreams often are filled with strangeness or strong emotions. Clarity to madness, hopeless romantic highs to deeply wounded sorrows, and dissolving/surrendering to becoming whole/complete are common extremes this planet centers around. 

I have Mercury Square Neptune which tends to make one doubtful of their own opinions and intellect, can increase misunderstandings, and make communication difficult for the individual. Mercury Square Neptune can make someone highly persuasive and deceptive but it can also make one easily confused, tricked, and manipulated by others. Rationality and intuition can conflict. One experience I have with this aspect is usually swinging from extremes to being very withdrawn and quiet to interrupting others, chatting away. I’ve been described by those in my life as always saying something they didn’t expect - few words but impactful or strange ones. This is an example of the more everyday way Neptune can present itself.

“Neptune-attuned people possess glamour in the old sense of the word: the ability to bewitch. They are also impossible to categorize or pin down, demonstrating the planet’s elusive quality. Lacking strong boundaries, Neptune-attuned people are susceptible to outside influences.” - Judy Hall. It is from these lack of boundaries and fluidness we see Neptune’s extremeness. Neptune aspects can have us take on the traits of others and there is intensity in that. Let’s say we are talking about a Neptune to Mercury aspect, here may be someone who is easily energized or put down by the mood of another. Neptune to Mars can create a volatile person who fights, guards, and pursues based on their inner circle. 

Alice: Imagination and Dreams 

Personally I tend to associate Alice in Wonderland with Gemini themes. But I’ve seen her used as a metaphor for many placements and influences, such as Scorpio and Pluto. Neptune’s lostness certainly relates to the character and story. Neptune can be the planet of dreams. Challenging aspects to Saturn indicates someone who struggles to get in touch with reality while easy aspects to Saturn indicates someone who can marry big dreams or imagination to practicality. 

Neptune to Moon aspects can indicate powerful dreaming - almost intuitive or helpful in processing stress or trauma. So does Neptune in the 12th, 4th, 8th, and possibly 9th. Neptune in the 2nd can mean imagination or even dreams themselves act as a resource, maybe this is through inspiration or increasing one’s belief or confidence. Neptune in the 3rd may find themselves always remembering their dreams and keeping a journal. Neptune in the 5th blessed with all of the fun dreams of flying or dreaming of a favorite fictional character. Neptune in the 6th or 10th may find strikes of inspiration, knowledge, problem solving, or important foresight in their sleep. Neptune in the 11th may find comfort or realize important information about self and/or society in their dreams. 

Neptune is a newer planet, many times called the visionary, healer, or spiritual link or messenger. Traditional astrologers can approach the planet with a lot of skepticism. Its exaltation is in creative Leo, detriment in practical Virgo, and fall in usually praised as “visionary” Aquarius. Neptune is still new enough to be a hot topic of debate. You will find many astrologers don’t even agree on the planet’s exaltation, fall, and detriment. Leo is considered one of the most creative sign and on the topic of imagination and dreams Neptune can feel amazing in this sign. It feels confident and shinning in its ideas, fantasies, and magic. Elusive and ever-changing Neptune doesn’t feel comfortable in stable and structured Virgo. But Aquarius is an unexpected challenge for Neptune. Aquarius is about collective action - unity that Neptune also is familiar with. But Aquarius is a cold sign and despite its unconventional side can be highly practical and may dislike unrealistic ideas or approaches. Saturn is Aquarius’s co-ruler after all. Neptune wants oneness as in intimacy, not oneness in action or rebellion like Aquarius. Neptune is the magical moonlit spring to heal all your wounds, especially the emotional and spiritual kind. Aquarius is the soul forge in Asgard from Thor: The Dark World or the hypospray in Star Trek. Aquarius is modern medicine most of the time and when Neptune is dressed in Aquarius’s colors at its best it is advanced medicine we don’t understand yet but are working towards. Neptune in Aquarius can be a genius, but it is about ambitious realism to help others, Neptune at its heart is about helping the individual on the most personal level. Aquarius is random strikes of lightning coming from an active mind while Neptune flows from one spot to another, always connected and coming from an original primal, emotional place. Aquarius is the future, Neptune is outside of time. Aquarius is intellect and Neptune emotions and intuition. Aquarius is rebellion, riot, revolution, Neptune is peace or death and rebirth - Aquarius is the noise and Neptune the silence. 

Some believe Neptune’s fall is in Capricorn, which the struggles exist with Capricorn’s strictness and clinging to reality and control. Neptune in Leo is Alice looking regal like a queen or warrior going to fight the jabberwock, Neptune in Virgo can get dark, feeling uncomfortable and maybe in pain, but still important and empowering. Alice in Aquarius or Capricorn is likely a totally new story, adult Alice putting away the tea parties and white rabbits for a lab coat or pantsuit. 

What about Healing and the Spiritual? 

Let’s get to what Neptune may be most known for. That otherworldly connection, the power of love, transcendence. Neptune is dramatic and it is soothing. Neptune embraces all aspects of the human experience so we can focus more on the soul. Neptune is all about healing and how healing can come in a million ways. It can be fast and hard or slow and revealing. It is painful and messy, it goes in cycles, loops, falls and rises. 

Neptune whether the aspects are easy or challenging, whether in a house focused on the self or others, it gives everyone ways to heal and to connect. As an outer planet it gives a lot of insight into generations but in the unique placement of one’s chart it touches us with humanity. 

Pretty speeches, enchanting metaphors, crazy nights, and charming lovers lead us to our doom and a raw poem, crying ourselves to sleep, old medicine, late night graveyard walks, and maybe a rebound help us pick up the pieces. Neptune many times shows us that the unexpected is what tears us down and what lifts us back up. It teaches us nothing is inherently bad like substances, manipulation, honesty, authority, it is how it is used. Neptune shows us that you are the hero to some and the villain to others. 

Regret, shame, guilt, feeling trapped, isolation, addiction, grief, and sorrow are closely linked to Neptune. I believe many times this is due to the healing process or spiritual associations of the planet. These emotions are heavy and life-changing but they are emotions that many times need to be faced with a lot of bravery and work. They are feelings that also help us come to realizations. Neptune is associated with rebirth and if you examine emotions like regret or shame, sometimes rebirth is the only way you can shed those feelings. Neptune’s fluid nature also allows us acceptance, which is needed to deal with such heavy emotions. 

While we always talk about the lack of boundaries as a dangerous or bad thing... and it can be, these lack of boundaries like I mentioned above can allow for a very giving love and empathy, it also allows us to feel or interact with a higher power, magic, and the spiritual. Whatever your beat is - religion, magic, or the belief we are just star stuff, Neptune symbolizes our relationship with it. 

[shadowofahope]

NOT Gonna Happen

Warnings: Swearing? One bad word near the end.

Premise: Fight or Flight. Meet BTS or run away from BTS?

“Uh guys…. She’s rolling away.” Yoongi points to you and your attempt to escape the room. Hands grab your ankles to halt your getaway. “I hate all of you.” You groan up at Yeonjun, who still had hold of you. You give up, letting out a deep sight, wishing the ground would open from under you.

Ft. TXT

Authors notes: My honest to all the kpop gods, reaction to meeting these boys. YEET!

This is also a response to people constantly asking me, what would you do if you met BTS?

ALSO this is heavily un-edited. I'm really tired and I'm trying to write 3.5 stories at once! Wooooh, wish me luck!

masterlist

Today marks your 8th week working at BigHit, currently working with TxT on their new album and the chaos that always followed them. Walking down a hallway with one of the backup dancers you had become quick friends with, you felt at home in this monumental building. You are comfortable here, everyone making you feel at home.

“Pleasssssse” Sung-ho begs again. Hands on your shoulders, shaking you gently as he walks behind you. “You have to come.”

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” You whine back, swinging your staff badge back and forth on your neck. “You know I don’t want to meet them.

He tugs on your shoulders lightly forcing you to halt. Jumping in front of you, palms pressed together, eyes closed he starts begging.

“You promised you would come to one practice. Just this one. Please Please Please-”

Huffing in frustration, you screw up your nose. He silently waits for you to give in, as he knows you will eventually.

“Just this one.” You finally give in.

“Yaaay!” He cheers, jumping to your side.

In all the comotion you don’t notice the footsteps approaching you two from down a connecting hallway. Shrugging your friend off, you’re about to round the corner when you hear it. Instantly freezing.

“I think it’ll be safer to go over the choreo with the dancer one more time.”

“I agree, the timing still seems a little off. We should take a look at the schedules.”

“Sung-ho!”

Your friend smiles and turns to the voice that called him, turning his back to you.

“Hello, Taehyung. Jimin. Hoseok.” Sung-ho greets cheerfully.

“Do you have time to come with us to discuss the schedules for practice?” Jimin asks politely.

“Of course, I was just on my way to grab a snack with -” He starts to explain, turning to where you once stood. Hand hanging in the air, he’s dumbfounded.

“With-?” Hoseok questions.

“Apparently myself.” He turns back to the boys. How had you disappeared so quickly and to where?

He chuckled awkwardly at the idols, cursing you for putting him in this embarrassing situation.

They mirror back his awkward laugh, excusing themselves as they continue on down the hallway.

Your friend stands there for almost two full minutes, trying to figure out what in the hell just happened. He hears a rattle coming from the small storage room near him.

The door swings open.

“You did not just-“ He’s wheezing, trying to catch his breath.

“Don’t talk to me” You walk out of the storage room, in reality it’s more of a tiny linen closet. Upon hearing the idols voices, In sheer blind panic, you threw yourself into the closet and shut the door behind you.

Walking past your still wheezing friend, you push him playfully before continuing on towards the lounge. His loud cackles bouncing around you all the way there.

💜♾💜♾💜

You are sitting in a waiting room with TXT. You’ve made yourself comfortable on one of the couches facing away from the door across the large room, angled towards the wall full over mirrors for makeup and hair. Scrolling through your phone, while Kai and Taehyun talk about something animatedly behind you. You can see them every once in a while, flailing their arms, mimicking wild gestures.

You three had chosen to stay back while the other three needed to ‘stretch’ their legs and find something to drink. So when the door opens you don’t look up, expecting it to be the missing members. Your body lurches forward at the reflection in the mirror, panic spreading.

“Hyung!” Kai exclaims excitedly, bounding over to the 2 members of BTS that have entered the room. “What are you doing here?”

“Hello, we were looking for Jungkook. Have you seen him?” Namjoon asks, looking around the room.

“No, he hasn’t been through here.” Taehyun chirps next to his bandmate.

“Ok, I’ll try calling him again. '' Jin responds, pulling out his phone from his back pocket.

“What are you guys doing here?” Namjoon questions the younger idols.

“Oh, we are working on a concept for one of the singles off our album. Our producer -” Kai motions to the couch that you were on. Now being completely empty. Your slouching form gone, the room appeared empty as well. “Who apparently is gone now, was here helping us.”

Jin and Namjoon shared a skeptical glance at each other. Kai rubs the back of his head as he looks at his beandmember, giving him a confused tilt to his head, to which he gets a shrug in response.

“That’s the newer producer right?” Jin questions.

“Uh yea, that’s her.” Taehyun confirms, still utterly confused by your houdini act.

“We’ve heard a lot of great things about her, from all over, but we still havent seen her.” Namjoon concluded by nodding his head, in thought.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll meet her soon. It’s bound to happen.” Kai reassures.

The duos bid each other goodbye, BTS leaving the room and TXT walking back towards the empty couch.

“How did she-where did she-?” Unable to fully ask his question, Taehyun looks around the room again.

Kai rounds the side of the couch, noticing a hood under the coffee table.

“Noona?” He tries to hide his laugh but fails miserably.

You lift your head from the floor, removing your hood, peering up from underneath the coffee table at the younger. You glare at him, crawling out as he falls back onto his butt laughing, Taehyun joining him on the floor. Both now convulsing with uncontrollable laughter.

Flopping angrily back onto the couch in your previous position, you ignore their incessant chattering and laughing. Recounting you hiding again and again. Even when the other members returned and they explained everything that happened while they were gone, you chose to angrily scroll on your phone until their pestering and teasing died down.

💜♾💜♾💜

Pacing back and forth in a secluded lounge area, you waited with all of the members of txt. You were waiting to hear back from the execs about your concept ideas. The boys had worked extremely hard to come up with a fully thought out concept, you had backed their ideas the whole way as they presented them to the higher staff. Now you waited, anxiously.

Drumming your hands together while pacing you chewed on your bottom lip nervously. Each member stationed on the couch, lounger ottoman, facing you. Legs bouncing in anticipation, knuckles cracking you stopped in front of the large window, facing them, the outside world behind you.

“Look guys, regardless of what happens you did amazing.” You smile at them. “And I’m unbelievably proud of you. All of you.”

Breaking them out of their stoppers, they look up at your faces glowing, pride swelling in their chests.

“Soobin-ah?” A deep voice calls from somewhere unknown, and you freeze.

The members of TXT jump up from their seats, whirling around in time to see all the members of bts walking around the balcony area over to them.

“Taehyung-hyung,” Soobin greets politely. “How are you all doing today.?”

“Good, we just finished rehearsals.” Taehyung explains, once they were standing just on the other side of the couch to him. “Have you guys heard anything yet? We saw the concept art, we really liked it!”

“Nothing yet. We were actually just waiting. Noona was just trying to-” Soobin attempts to explain, motioning behind him to you. Seeing the skeptical looks on their faces, he turned his head to see nothing. You had completely vanished. With furniture and a structural wall surrounding you, there was no place you possibly could be hiding.

Confusion evident on his face as he looks over at Yeonjun. Eyes silently asking him where you had gone, the older only shook his head, eyes just as wide, he shrugged in response.

“Right, the elusive producer we keep hearing about but never seeing.” Yoongi responds comically. “Maybe she isn’t real? But a ghost!”

Spooking Jin and Hoseok alike, they give him an alarmed glare.

“No, we promise she’s real.” Soobin persuades, his voice coming out in almost a plea.

Trying to affirm your existence to their Hyungs, Gyu becomes overwhelmingly curious. He walks over to the spot you had been standing, a deep frown settled on his features.

He does a full 360, in an attempt to understand where you could have gone. Upon turning around he notices something. Stifling a laugh and breaking into a full blown smile, he subtly waves Kai over, when they make eye contact. Kai nonchalantly makes his way over to him, Gyu mumbles something to him and he looks in the direction that Gyu was nodding. Trying to hide his own laugh, the two youngest members stand snickering, waiting for the members of BTS to walk away before exposing you to the group.

Once the groups bid each other goodbye, they both break out into hysterical laughter.

“What guys?” Yeonjun jumps at the unexpected hollering. But neither boy can speak, too consumed by laughter they both point to the semi open window.

“She didn’t” Taehyun launches himself over the ottoman in front of him rushing to the window. Soobin and Yeonjun right behind him. The three of them look out to see your figure hopping down from the last branch of the tree outside.

With lightning speed and zero hesitation, you had climbed out of the already opened window on the second floor. Stepped from the ledge onto a tree that's long, thick branches were supporting itself against the building. Then walked to the center of the large tree and climbed your way down.

Mass hysteria broke out between the 5 members.

“That’s it. We have to make her meet them.” Soobin exclaims, wiping a tear that fell down his cheek.

“Guys, I think I have a plan.” Yeonjun smirks. So they all huddled around to listen.

💜♾💜♾💜

Today was supposed to be your day off. But upon receiving a text from Soobin, saying they needed you there urgently for their concept proposal, you raced straight there. So there you were standing in the hall talking to an exec in a black oversized pullover hoodie and workout leggings. Today was about comfort over professionalism, well it was supposed to be.

But when you had finished your pleasant chat with the exec, he started apologizing profusely about something he couldn’t say. Trying to hide his chuckle, his eyes dart over your shoulder. Before you could press him about his comments, you were spun around and hoisted off of your feet. Draped over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes. In alarm you manage to struggle enough to see your kidnapper, Yeonjun.

“What are you dooooooiiiinnnng?” You whine, struggling more.

He says nothing, but turns down the hallway to the dance practice rooms.

“Put me down shrek.” You quote. Wiggling even harder to escape the ironclad grip on you.

“There’s no point Noona, just accept it.” A sweet cheerful voice, butts in, shoes coming into view as you tilt your head up to look.

“Really Kai, they have you in on this too?” You slump in defeat. “Fine, but don’t you dare fart.”

Your capture lets out a chuckle before entering the dance room. The other three members you can kind of see. Or at least their shoes. Your hood keeps flopping down and making it hard to tell.

“Guys seriously, why are you-” You begin as blood starts rushing to your head. Making you slightly dizzy.

“Hello Hyungs.” Yeonjun greets politely. Panic rising, you tilt your head to the side to look into the wall mirror, there you see all 7 members of BTS sitting on the floor, along with the other members of TXT standing around you. “This is Y/N-Noona, the real, not a ghost, producer.”

Realization hits you like a ton of bricks, as snickers and muffled laughs resonate behind you.

“Yeonjun…..” Your voice is a little shaky. “You did not just introduce me to BTS ass FIRST?!”

Everyone in the room breaks into rounds of full belly laughter as you are hoisted back over the shoulder, feet planted on the floor.

Turning shyly to the side, you make eye contact with each member of BTS. Your legs crumble beneath you, muttering ‘I could have lived my whole life without this’ angrily. You lay on the ground face down, hood over your head as more laughter ensues.

“You had to meet them at some point, even backwards!” Gyu exclaims between heaves of laughter, clutching his stomach .

Waving your hand blindly towards the members of TXT you bark “That’s it! We are no longer friends. Done, Forever, never again!”

Apologies begin to flow toward you but you ignore them. Eventually you ignore any comment that comes your way, still plastered to the floor, the 12 men begin to talk about other things. Completely unaware of you.

...Or so you thought….

“Uh guys…. She’s rolling away.” Yoongi points to you and your attempt to escape the room. Hands grab your ankles to halt your getaway.

“I hate all of you.” You groan up at Yeonjun, who still had hold of you. You give up, letting out a deep sight, wishing the ground would open from under you.

[samballesbian]

From a SE Asian person to the E Asian community.

When talking about E Asian privilege, we are often met with,

“We’re all Asian. Why do we have to be divisive? It’s only serving White Supremacy.”

It’s easy to say that and to think that as an East Asian person who is who people think of when you say Asian or Asian American and is used to being centered and catered to in Asian spaces, but it ignores how othered other Asian people have been historically and currently from the American imagination of Asian. It silences us for the sake of East Asian comfort. This isn’t just based on America’s imagination either. There are more East Asian people in Asian activist spaces because it can feel uncomfortable to exist in that paradox especially when we are generally disregarded and spoken over.

We come up in conversation when East Asian people want to make a point, but are rarely allowed to speak freely about our unique experiences because when we are allowed in these Asian spaces, it’s to serve in the East Asian conversation. One point that comes up often when disproving the model minority stereotype, that was originally only about East Asian people in the first place, is how large the Asian American income disparity is, but it’s not often talked about how SE Asian people tend to make less.

While the majority of East Asian people chose to come to the U.S., the majority of SE Asian people are newer generations, who are refugees or whose parents were refugees. Because of that, they are closer to the atrocities committed against their people historically and currently. They were placed in refugee camps with horrible conditions to prepare them for American assimilation and when they were placed in America, they were purposely spread to, again, force American assimilation. White people feared too many of us in one place.

Because of our experiences, SE Asian people have higher rates of depression and PTSD. 70% of all SE Asian people in America who receive mental health care are diagnosed with PTSD. What’s worse is that as Asian people, we are all less likely to seek medical help, but SE Asian people are less likely than East Asian people to have health insurance.

Because so many of us struggle financially, I feel many conversations that happen within Asian American activist spaces are classist and therefore racist. More money = more well read and more money = more time and energy for advocacy in person and online. Over half of all Vietnamese Americans have limited English proficiency which is more than East Asian Americans. SE Asian people are more likely than East Asian people to have a high school diploma or less while East Asian people are more likely to have a Bachelors or more than SE Asian people.

While dealing with all that, a lot of SE Asian people have been living in anxiety and fear of being deported or family members being deported. There’s been a rise in the deportation of SE Asian people costing us in stress and financial strain. The stress from seeing a Vietnamese man deported for a traffic violation under Trump’s administration or from seeing a plane full of Vietnamese people deported under Biden’s administration or from seeing nail salons get raided by ICE knowing full well many of our parents work at nail salons. Finances such as visiting and calling family in detention centers, therapy, and expensive legal fees. Many SE Asian people are stuck in detention facilities, unable to be moved to their native country because of our history, SE Asia doesn't let them in, but they aren’t allowed to go home either.

Because these are mainly SE Asian issues, they aren’t often talked about in Asian activist spaces. Are we not worth the time, space, and conversation as well? Or do we only matter when we’re serving you?

[flameoutfics]

We’re Only Young and Naive Still Chapter 1

Summary: Nora is the first woman in the NHL, a recent call-up to the Calgary Flames, who has her own reasons for being there, much to the hesitation of her new teammates. As they get to know her though, she’ll find the family she never knew she wanted and sparks fly with a certain-future-captain.  *This fic will update every Monday. 

Nora waited outside the locker room for the rest of the team to join. She had been waiting for them to head out on the ice, knowing that they were in various states of undress behind the other wall. She had scrambled to get changed in the small bathroom that a member of the Avalanche’s front office had led her to. He’d sheepishly told her that this was the best that they could do and Nora had just nodded. She’d had to change in supply closets before in the absence of a women’s restroom close to the ice level. 

Waiting in the empty corridor for the team allowed her anxiety to fester. Nora could only imagine what was going to await her once she got out onto the ice. There were some who were excited for her to become the first female NHL player to ever play a professional game. She knew they had clambered to get tickets, to show the little girls that anything was possible and that they, too, could join the NHL some day. Nora was nervous to step into that role of a role model, but she didn’t mind. It was the other faction, the one who had already mentioned her on Twitter and caused her to change her Instagram settings that worried her. They didn’t want her to play, they didn’t want a woman in the NHL. Nora could only imagine what they would say after her first game, that anything she’d do wouldn’t be good enough, that she was proof of why women didn’t belong in the NHL. Nora was so lost in her thoughts that she was jolted by the sound of the locker room door opening. 

Jacob Markstrom readjusted his goalie mask on his face and headed out to the ice for warm ups. Nora followed close behind until they got to the ice’s edge. 

“You first,” Jacob nodded towards the ice and gently tapped her on the back of her legs with his goalie stick. Nora sighed. It was tradition for players playing their first game to skate the first lap solo, but she’d rather forgo it. Nevertheless, she gritted her teeth and took her first steps onto the ice. For a moment, she hoped that with her hair tucked into her helmet, people wouldn’t recognize her, but as she started to gain momentum the crowd ignited. It was like everyone had an opinion. Sure she heard the cheers, but intermingled with them she heard the boos. To be honest, she wasn’t sure which there was more of. Much to her relief, after the first solo lap, the rest of the team piled on the ice and joined her for warm ups and she felt herself relax as she began to blend in with the other red jerseys. 

Nora played 5:43 in her first NHL game. It wasn’t a lot, but it was a first. Nothing remarkable happened, and the Flames lost 3-1 in the end. It wasn’t an Auston Matthews level debut by any means but it wasn’t bad. She’d completed most of her passes and she’d made all of her line changes. Sutter didn’t play her much, nor did she expect it. She knew how he felt about having her on his team. She’d been great in the AHL racking up points and causing the hockey writers to wonder if she was going to break the glass ceiling and play in the NHL. Then she was brought up to the NHL and started practicing with the team, always being a healthy scratch when the final line up was decided. But the Flames kept losing and Nora knew that there was pressure on Sutter from the front office to play her. She wasn’t naive to the press that would surround her debut, neither was Brad. So, when Sutter finally announced that she was going to play her first NHL game, it wasn’t completely a surprise, but the timing took her off guard. The rest of the team had acknowledged it with polite cheers, but Nora knew that they weren’t thrilled to have her there either. 

She’d sat in the locker room after the game, still fully in her gear while Sutter reamed them. “None of you played well today. Fuck, she played better than half of you and it was her first fucking game,” Sutter said as he pointed Nora out. She felt the cold gaze of the other players turn towards her as Sutter had pretty much just put a target on her back. She drowned the rest of his diatribe out and as she snuck a glance around the room, it looked like the rest of the team was also ignoring him. When he stormed off, Nora finally felt like she could breathe and retreated to the bathroom where she’d gotten dressed. 

She’d only been in there for a few minutes before there was a knock on the door. 

“Nora, they’re going to want you for post-game interviews,” Tanya, the PR rep said, from outside of the bathroom where Nora stripped out of her gear. She was sweaty from the game but knew she’d have to wait until she made it back to the hotel room before she could 

“Okay,” Nora agreed, even though she knew that she was going to be the focus of the interview, “is anyone else going to be there?” 

“Matthew will be too,” Tanya said. Nora sighed to herself but nodded. 

“Okay, I’ll be out in a minute,” Nora said. She wished it was Jacob or even Johnny doing the interview with her instead of Matthew. She didn’t hate him, but she didn’t like him either. Since she’d been called up to practice with the team, he’d coolly ignored her. Most of the guys treated her that way too, with Jacob and Johnny being two exceptions. 

Matthew was already waiting at the table that had been set up for them for press availability. He glanced up at her and nodded in acknowledgement but didn’t say anything. Nora didn’t know what she was expecting. Did she think he’d say ‘hi’ or ‘great job today’? They weren’t friends, they were barely even teammates. 

“Alright, let’s start with the first question,” Tanya said. 

“Nora, how did your first game in the NHL feel?” a reporter asked. It was a softball question and one that Nora appreciated. 

“It was great. It was a dream come true, honestly,” Nora said, “and I’m really fortunate to be able to be here and on such an amazing team to share the game with them.”

“It’s not the result that I’m sure you wished for, though,” the reporter followed up.

“No,” Nora conceded, “I definitely thought that I could have played better, especially in the third period, but Matthew had an amazing goal in the second period, and really it’s just an honor to be here and play a game in the NHL. 

“Any family here today to celebrate your first game with you?” A different reporter asked. 

Nora pasted a smile on her face, “No, unfortunately they couldn’t make it, but I know they were watching from home.” 

“I have a question for Nora…” another reporter started and Nora wished that just one of them could direct their attention to Matthew. 

“Why aren’t you in the NWHL?” a reporter asked. That caused Nora to pause. The answer caught in her throat. She knew that was the question that thousands of people had on their minds. There was a league for female hockey players, a great league, so why wasn’t Nora playing in it? Nora had rehearsed the answer to the inevitable in the mirror for what felt like hundreds of times, but here the words failed her. 

Tanya looked over at her and watched as she floundered for a response. “Sorry,” Nora said as she brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, “would you mind repeating the question?”

“Sure, Nora, why aren’t you in the NWHL?” the reporter repeated. 

“I- I-...”

“Alright, I think our time has wrapped up,” Tanya said as she closed out the interview, saving Nora from answering. Once all the reporters left, Nora turned to Tanya. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I couldn’t answer that.”

Tanya smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes, “Don’t worry, we can discuss some possible answers and better prepare you for media availability in the future.”

“Thanks,” Nora said. Matthew hadn’t said anything except for the one question directed towards him about his second-period goal. All Nora wanted to do was go back to her hotel room and take a nice warm shower. She didn’t give either of them a chance to say anything and instead headed out and grabbed her coat, knowing her gear would travel with the rest of the team’s. She walked the couple of blocks back to the hotel. She kept her head down, hoping to remain unrecognized by fans who were still lingering by the arena and made it back to her hotel room without running into anyone. She stripped out of her Flames-branded gear and headed for the shower. In the mirror, she could already see bruises starting to develop from where she’d been checked into the boards.  She should have been ecstatic to be playing in the NHL; most people in her position would be, but she didn’t. She just wanted the day to be over and to go to bed. That was what made her sad, that she didn’t care that much about being in the NHL, it was just a means to an end. Before she went to sleep, she took one more look at her phone and reminded herself why she was doing this. She knew why she was playing in the NHL; she just couldn’t say it. 

Nora glanced around the dining room for breakfast the next day looking for a place to sit. It felt like high school all over again. Ideally, she would have sat near Jacob or Johnny, but their tables were all filled so instead she sat in an open seat with some of the other newer players, Elias, and Matthew. They were happily chatting about some football game that Nora knew nothing about. She tried to follow along for a while, but after realizing that she didn’t really have anything to contribute, she hurriedly ate her breakfast and wanted to rush back to her room. She cleared her plate and offered a faint excuse for something she’d forgotten in her room, hoping to leave. It wasn’t like any of them would notice that she was gone anyways. She’d only made it a little ways before she heard footsteps follow her out. 

“What’s your problem?” Matthew asked as he cornered Nora. 

“I don’t have a problem,” Nora said. 

“You could at least try to pretend to be interested in getting along with the team,” Matthew said.

“What are you talking about?” Nora asked. 

“You didn’t come out with us last night,” Matthew said. 

“I wasn’t invited,” Nora answered.

“Everyone was,” Matthew said. 

“Well I wasn’t,” Nora insisted. 

“It was in the group chat,” Matthew said. 

“I’m not in the group chat, so I didn’t see the message,” Nora said. 

“Oh,” Matthew said. 

“Yeah,” Nora said.

Matthew fished out his phone and fiddled around with a few buttons. “There, you should be added now.”

“Thanks,” Nora said. Matthew looked like he was going to say something more but reconsidered. 

“Ready for the flight?” Matthew asked.

“Yeah,” Nora replied, “I’ll be back down soon.” She headed back up to her room and collapsed on the bed, with just a few minutes before she’d have to pack her things for the flight. Against her better judgement she scrolled through the group chat back to previous messages and saw messages from when it had been announced that she’d been called up to the Flames.

Johnny: That girl from the AHL’s being brought up. 

Peter: Really? I didn’t think she was that good.

Elias: She’s on a five-game goal streak.

Matthew: We’re getting a girl on the team? Are we really that bad that they need to bring her up? 

Nora sighed and put her phone away. Tears pricked her eyes as she tried to blink them away. There were other comments like that in the group chat that they hadn’t bothered to delete and Nora read them, wanting to know what her teammates really thought about her. Reactions ranged from ambivalent to disgust, with most somewhere in the middle. There was a knock on the door as a warning to head downstairs and Nora tried to compose herself. 

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked when Nora arrived downstairs with her bag. 

“Yeah, I’m ready to head to Detroit,” Nora replied with a fake smile on her face. 

[13uswntimagines]

Things *Good* Alphas Do (Alpha!Becky x Alpha!Alyssa x Omega!Reader)

Request: Alpha Alyssa and Alpha Becky/ Omega reader where she’s newer to the team and really shy, especially around alphas and Becky and Alyssa come up with elaborate plans to spend time with her (with the teams help) and omega reader slowly falls for them especially when they protect her from a push alpha when they’re out somewhere?

Alyssa watched you from across the bar. Tracking every movement you made as you ordered your drink next to Mal. The other omega was leaning heavily on you, and she made a mental note to give Rose a heads up. 

The team paid little attention to her protective stare, more than used to her and Becky’s possessive (but carefully restrained) behavior around you. They understood the delicateness of your situation. 

You weren’t just shy, that much had been overwhelmingly obvious since you had joined the team about six months ago. When you first arrived, you were skidding beyond belief, flinching every time an alpha so much as looked in your direction. Even around the two women who were destined to be your mates. 

It was a slow process but the omega’s on the team had eventually gained your trust, and in turn began their plan to get you to accept your alphas. 

*****

Attempt 1 - one month in

Christen was the first person you trusted. Her quiet, calm nature resonated with you and you found that her alpha, Tobin’s, chill vibes didn’t set off warning bells in your brain. 

You loved hanging out with her (the team joked that you followed her around like a puppy for those first weeks), and morning Yoga together had quickly become an integral part of your routine. You didn’t like it when people messed with your routines. 

“I didn’t know you two did yoga,” You mumbled, raising your eyebrows at the two alphas shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. 

“We wanted to try something new if that’s ok with you?” Becky asked hesitantly, reaching out to carefully run a hand down your arm. 

“We thought it would be a good way to enjoy the view,” Alyssa shrugged, the only indication she was nervous of your answer was her worrying her lip between her teeth. 

You glanced worriedly at Christen. You had come to look forward to yoga. It helped you to relax and center yourself before having to deal with the craziness of the team. 

She nodded encouragingly at you, a small smile playing on her lips as she released a bit of her soothing scent (your alphas did too, but at a much lower rate- afraid that overwhelming you with pheromones wouldn’t work well in their favor). 

“I’m sure they’ll be fine, our routine isn’t too complicated,” 

“And they’re going to be over here by me,” Tobin added, gesturing towards two yoga mats a little ways away from the ones you and Christen were going to use. 

You were pretty ok around Becky and Alyssa (your inner omega definitely recognized them as her mates), but no one wanted to push you too fast too soon. You eyed the spot Tobin had pointed to and your alphas respectively. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust them, it was just that the previous alphas in your life hadn’t made you feel confident that they would treat you as an equal. That they wouldn’t push you to accept them before you were ready too. 

“We respect your boundaries y/n,” Becky said softly, her finger still rubbing your arm, her soothing scent getting just a little bit stronger. The lines for what you and your inner omega were comfortable with were set, and neither alpha was going to overstep it. 

“We just wanna be close to you,” Alyssa added, equally as soft. 

You paused, looking for any hint of dishonesty (unaware of the apprehensiveness leaking through your fledgling bond to your alphas). 

You nodded when you didn’t find any. “You can do yoga with us,” you smirked, feeding off of the excitement they were sending your bond“if you can keep up that is,”

Tobin cackled at your sudden surge of confidence and the wide eyes of your mates. They hadn’t gotten the chance to see your sassy side yet, and she knew that they were going to have their hands full. 

“Let’s get started then,” Christen laughed. This was going to be a fun morning. (And if Tobin got to watch your alphas fall all over themselves to get you to feel comfortable around them, then this was going to be a fun courtship to watch). 

*****

Attempt 2- 3 months in

“I wasn’t built for this,” Alyssa huffed as her head popped back above the water, whipping the hair from her face and clinging onto her surfboard for dear life. 

“And you think I was?” Becky grumbled, paddling over to her alpha mate, while still trying to keep an eye on their omega who was heading out past the breakers with Kelley in hopes of catching another massive wave. 

You had taken a long time to warm up to the feisty omega (you were still incredibly hesitant around her rambunctious blond alpha). They were happy that the omega’s on the team were starting to really crack your shell. It helped that most of them were into the same crazy activities you were. 

The team was trying to take advantage of your love of surfing as a way to help your alphas bond with you, but it wasn’t exactly going to plan. No one had accounted for the fact that neither of your alphas was particularly good on a surfboard, or in the water for that matter. So they had spent the majority of the day watching as you, Kelley, Tobin, and Alex had basically swum circles around them. 

“Looks like you two got yourselves a daredevil for a mate,” Emily snorted, coming up beside them. Her watchful eye never left where her mate was moving next to you. 

The two of you had a knack for finding trouble, but she hoped that didn’t extend to the waves. 

“I don’t know how you all do this,” Alyssa huffed, finally pulling herself up on her board. 

Emily shrugged with a giggle. It was hilarious the lengths your alphas went to spend time with you. “Lots of practice my friend. At least you have more patience than the rest of us,” 

Becky and Alyssa shared a look as you paddled after a giant wave. It seemed that you were definitely going to give them a run for their money. When you were more comfortable and you had finally accepted them as your mates, they were going to have to set some boundaries for sure. 

“I didn’t know she had it in her,” Ashlyn cackled, joining the group watching the two omega’s shred that monster wave. 

Your alphas jaws dropped in awe, excitement and pride surged both ways through your (slightly stronger) fledgling bond. 

“We might wanna duck dive,” Emily mumbled just before she disappeared into the water. 

“What?” Becky asked, glancing at Ashlyn who also dove under. She turned back towards Alyssa, her eyes widening when she saw the giant wave coming right for them. 

Alyssa’s gaze followed hers, 

“fuck” she hissed, just as the force of the wave took them, tossing them around like socks in a washing machine. Their boards flew out from under them in the watery barrage but surprisingly didn’t become untethered from their ankles. 

Both alphas made it back to the surface with minimal sputtering, dragging themselves the rest of the way inland. They were very much done for the day, but it appeared you weren’t. 

Your head popped up above the water with a huge grin on your face. Kelley’s wasn’t too far behind you. The two of you shared several words before hopping on your boards and heading back out through the surf to do it all again. 

The alphas shook their heads. 

“We need to convince her that cuddles and movies are just as good,” Becky grumbled, and Alyssa nodded in return. The yoga was hard, but at least it hadn’t almost killed them. Hopefully, whatever plan the team came up with next didn’t involve more extreme sports. 

*****

Attempt 3- 6 months in 

You stood there with your arms crossed, glaring daggers at the two alphas in front of you. You were sure they could feel the frustrated pheromones rolling off you, and your agitation leaking through your evergrowing bond. 

You were fairly comfortable with the women who you knew were your mates, but you weren’t quite ready to take the leap and admit your feelings. You also weren’t really fond of this little surprise they had sprung on you for your team-bonding night seating arrangements. 

Every seat in the hotel room was taken except for the one in between your mates on one of the queen size beds. 

“Are we going to pretend that you two didn’t plan this?” You growled at the alphas, who were shrinking back into the bed. 

“We didn’t!” They exclaimed, Becky, holding her hands up in surrender while Alyssa seemed to tuck into herself (which was completely hilarious because of how big she was). They both released a little bit of their scents (along with several members of the team), hoping to appease your very unamused inner omega. 

“Well, it’s one hell of a coinkydink that the only open seat is between you,” You huffed, not buying the innocent act they were playing up. 

Your alphas sent a pleading look towards the ringleader of this particular attempt, “They had nothing to do with this short stack. It was all Sammy’s idea,” Kelley shrugged. 

“Hey!” Sam exclaimed at the same time Mal giggled out a “Right under the bus,” 

You glared at the omega’s who had become your friends over the past several camps. “You all need to stop meddling,” 

Kelley rolled her eyes. You were utterly adorable when you were trying to be grumpy (Kelley was sure your alphas would agree- if the looks they were giving you were anything to go by). “Yeah, yeah. Just sit down already,” she said, kicking your butt from her place cuddling into Emily on the other bed. 

You tipped forward, landing in Becky’s lap with a huff. She steadied your shoulders as you scrambled from her lap (ignoring the way your inner omega preened at the attention). 

“You alright darling?” Alyssa asked, watching carefully as you wiggled in between them into a more comfortable position. 

“Mm fine,” You mumbled, sighing when you finally found a comfortable position (completely ignoring the fact that it had you pressing into Alyssa’s taller frame). She smiled indulgently at you, slowly working her arm behind both you and Becky to make herself a more comfortable pillow for you. 

Becky’s hand came up to rub soothing circles on your arm, working her way very slowly up your shoulder and towards your neck. You hummed lightly, sinking further into Alyssa. 

You couldn’t help how relaxed you were around the women. How absolutely safe you felt. Your eyes slowly dropped shut. You guessed the warmth of your mates (the soothing pheromones they were releasing) was causing your exhaustion to finally catch up with you. But you still didn’t want to fall asleep. It would make you a perfect target for a joke from the other youngins. 

“Just relax, we’ll take care of you,” Alyssa whispered into your hair, placing a very sweet kiss on your temple. 

“Promise?” You asked, quaking an eyebrow. They had gained your trust over the last six months, but you still needed to make sure before you let go completely. 

“Always,” Becky nodded. You hummed in agreement, finally giving in to the pull of sleep, confident that your alphas would ward off any unwanted pranks. 

*****

You were having the best time ever. You were never really a fan of bars or dancing, but here with the rest of your team, you were having a blast. 

Mal leaned heavily into your side “How do you do it?” She asked, her words still clear despite how many margaritas she’d had. 

“Do what?” Your eyebrows furrowing. You had no idea where this conversation was going, but if the shift in pheromones was anything, it wasn’t going to be a place you wanted to actually talk about. 

“Resist the urge to mate for so long,” Mal snorted, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

You felt heat flood your cheeks, traveling all the way up to your neck towards your ears. You didn’t have a lot of good experiences with alphas, and in the beginning, the quiet stillness of your mates had unnerved you. You wondered when they would drop the calm and patient act and try to take what they believed was theirs. 

Over time, you learned that they never would. They would never cross a boundary you weren’t comfortable conceding. You learned how to trust them, how to finally let yourself begin to lean into the feelings your inner omega so strongly believed in. You were getting closer and closer to finally being ready for them, it had just taken you longer than most (something your alphas assured you they were fine with). 

“I-... I don’t,” You stuttered, but it seemed like Mal didn’t even realize your internal spiraling. 

“I was barely able to hold out for a week with Rosie. We met and it was like bang- insta-heat,” she rambled on leaning in very close to your ear, her head lolling to the side on your shoulder. “they love you, you love them, so what’s the holdup?” 

You sighed. You did love them, and your inner omega yearned to finally take them as your mates, but it was just so overwhelming. You didn’t want your relationship to be dictated by instincts, but you wouldn’t deny that you were slowly falling for the women who had worked their way into your heart. 

“I’m trying to get-...” You started, only to get interrupted by a new presence right over your shoulder. 

“Hey ladies, what are two little omegas doing here by their little lonesome,” He said, flashing you what you assumed was his most charming smile as he pumped out his cloying scent. 

Your nose wrinkled involuntarily- his calling pheromones were absolutely disgusting to the earthy sweetness your mates sometimes used to help you calm yourself down. 

“We’re not alone. Thanks,” You mumbled, pulling Mal tighter to you. She may act like your protector for the most part, but that didn’t mean that you wouldn’t step up.

The alpha chuckled, stepping closer to you and placing an unwanted hand on your arm. “Oh contrare. You can’t fool me with that omega on omega shit,”

More of his disgusting scent pressed over you, calling for your submission. You steeled yourself, fighting against the urge. You had raced worse on the soccer pitch from opponents far more dominant than this duchbag. He didn’t deserve the honor of your submission. 

“Don’t touch me,” You growled, staring him defiantly in the eyes and shrugging his grip off your arm. 

His lips twitched as though he was amused by your defiance. “Come on baby, quit playing so hard to get,” he said, his hand returning just a little bit higher on your arm. You winced at the tight hold, opening your mouth to respond, only to be cut off from a low and dangerous growl from behind the man. “I believe she said to let go,” Alyssa said.

“Now!” Becky added, and it felt like something in your chest loosened. Their pheromones drowned out his scent, wrapping around you like the world’s softest blanket. Like everything would be alright now that they were here. 

The alpha smirked and shot a low growl back at the two enraged alphas. “Whoa, calm down. She’s just playing a little hard to get. Now get lost, I was here first,” 

Becky stepped forward, gripping the alpha’s forearm so tightly you were sure his bones were straining under the stress. “You will take your hand off our mate before we remove it for you,” She rumbled, the sound resonating in her chest, as Alyssa stepped in between you and the alpha, acting as a shield. 

“Fuck you guys,” The alpha hissed, finally letting go of you and storming off to go harass some other omega’s. 

That when you noticed everything was shaking, or maybe it was you that was shaking? At some point during the exchange, Rose had come to retrieve Mal, dragging her away from the cloud of angry and dominant pheromones. 

Alyssa turned and pulled you inter her arms, and you buried your face in her chest. Becky hugged you from behind, encapsulating you in their warmth and protection. 

“You alright, babydoll?” Becky asked as Alyssa started to purr to soothe you. 

“Hmm, just hold me,” You hummed, your omega finally calming down. The arms of your alphas tightened around you. You were safe with them, and they would always be there for you. You knew that. 

“Always darling,”

[yardsards]

some little post book 2 headcanons i have that i *would* put into fic form if i didnt kinda hate writing: (putting it under a readmore bc it's a lot of text)

-of course, soon after getting off the train, jesse and lake have to explain the whole train thing to jesse's parents. they're shocked but have no choice but to believe him because there's an entire metal person right there

-they have to call law enforcement and be like "hey our son's back, you can close the missing person's case." lake hides when they come over to question jesse and his parents about what happened (bc cop-related trauma. honestly jesse's pretty nervous too). jesse just says he ran away and hitched a train and the investigators just. immediately Understand. apparently the train is a well-known phenomenon in that field

-lake stays with the cosays for a while. jesse and nate share a bedroom room and have bunk beds so lake sleeps on a cot next to jesse's bunk and it's really crowded but they all make it work.

-it's all just very hectic for the whole family while everyone settles down from the train stuff and the "our son/brother went missing" stuff. lots of hugs and crying and whatnot. it takes a few weeks before jesse is ready to go back to school.

-there ARE support groups for train survivors and their families. both newer passengers and passengers that had gotten off decades ago and have long-since adjusted to post-train life are there. a lot of the general public looks at those groups the same way you'd look at a support group for victims of alien abductions but the groups are legit. they're a little for emotional support but also good for like. connecting you to therapists that know about the train. or getting your life back together after going missing for a long time. or getting in touch with some secret train-related government bureau to iron out any other issues. etc.

-the cosays+lake get in touch w one of said groups. the members are all a bit shocked about a denizen getting off the train but are generally willing to do what they can to help lake adjust to being out in the real world and handle any legal troubles

-lake needs a month or two to calm down after all the train trauma before they can really think about what they wanna do with their life. but eventually they decide they do wanna try to go to school and have a somewhat normal life. and then the group starts getting in touch w the right organizations to get them legally recognized as a person and whatnot

-lake is about a year younger than jesse but. they choose their birth date to be the day they escaped the train, rather than tulip's birthday. and they fudge the year so that when they DO go to school they'll be in the same grade as jesse. they figure they'll already be pretty behind, learning all the information they missed while stuck in a mirror, only getting bits and pieces of tulip's classes, so what's one more year's worth of class to catch up on?

-lake ignores jesse's suggestion to make their last name be "dracula" but DOES decide to make it "alan" in honor of their dear deer friend

-they're given the choice of it they wanna stay with the cosay family or get adopted by someone else. they're kinda on the fence about it. because on one hand they wanna stay with jesse and his parents and brother are really nice. but on the other hand, they kinda wanna have their own family instead of relying on jesse for all of their connections- and although the cosay parents have done their best to hide it and would absolutely never make lake feel unwelcome and are fully willing to adopt them if need-be, lake can kinda tell having a third child unexpectedly added to their lives has been rough on them.

-in the end, they decide to meet a few potential families (mostly either former passengers, or friends/family of former passengers) and see if any of them are good fits, and if none of them are, they'll stay with the cosays.

-it takes a couple different tries. some families just don't seem like the right fit. some parents change their mind soon after, realizing they're not prepared to raise a traumatized teen. some live too far away and lake doesn't wanna be completely separated from jesse. it's pretty stressful and disheartening for lake, because the venn diagram overlap of "people who understand train stuff" and "people currently looking to adopt a teenager" is pretty small and they've already burned through a lot of their options. they're about to throw in the towel and decide to stay with the cosays but...

-the final parents they meet end up being a PERFECT match. they're an older couple with no children, a former passenger and her wife. (i have headcanons about these two bit that'll be added in a reblog bc this is already so long). their personalities and interests mesh really well with lake's. they're mentally and financially equipped to take in a new kid who needs extra support AND they live only a ~25 minute walk from jesse's family

-they do take a while more to really get to know each other and to get lake adjusted to their house because just immediately shoving a traumatized teenager into a new house with people they don't know very well would obviously be a recipe for disaster

-still though, jesse and lake end up at each other's houses a vast majority of the time and sleepovers are pretty common. their parents have accepted this

-it takes around a year of homeschooling from their moms and some professional tutors until lake is ready to go to real school. i once saw the hc that on top of missing a lot of class, they're also used to reading and writing backwards, which i think is neat. so yeah, it's pretty difficult but they're determined and have people dedicated to helping them learn

-during this time, their moms and jesse and his family help them explore different interests and just overall get used to living in the prime world. of course, the people in town see a metal person walking around and are pretty shocked and confused and some react poorly but. lake at least always has their best friend or their family there to support them through that

-by the time they're ready to attend school, the locals have mostly become desensitized to their presence. nonetheless, kids can be cruel sometimes. but they're good at handling it and have plenty of support. they even end up making some new friends at school.

[hutchhitched]

On Fandom

In light of recent kerfuffles, I decided to share this. Communication is helpful for fandom discussions. That’s why I’m offering up my perspective.

 @little-lynx, your artwork is beautiful, and I thoroughly enjoy seeing it on my dash. Your post sharing how and why you joined the fandom is fascinating, and I’m grateful you trusted us with it. I hope you continue sharing and drawing for stories that inspire you, and that you’re able to find more stories and authors that do. That’s not to say you’re not doing enough. Whatever you want to share is awesome. I only say that because there’s so much Everlark out there that is wonderful. I hope you’re able to find more that you enjoy. If you ever read something of mine and are inspired to create, I will be thrilled. If not, I will continue to appreciate what you contribute to the fandom. Welcome, and I hope you enjoy being part of The Hunger Games community on tumblr (and AO3 and FFN, if you find works there).

 @shesasurvivor, I hear you. I know what it feels like to be overlooked despite being part of a fandom for a long time. I understand the frustration of seeing others celebrated and not being one of those. You’ve been here longer than I have, and you’re one of the few who takes stands that might not be expressed by many but are shared by more than you know. You are an important part of the fandom, and I’m glad you’re still here. I hear you. I see you. You are amazing.

 @katnissdoesnotfollowback, you also have very valid points. I know what it feels like to put everything you have into a fandom and it not being enough for some people. I know what it feels like to be overlooked and how it feels to be celebrated. The former sucks, and the latter is wonderful. You are an important part of the fandom, and I appreicate what you can share and wish you well when you’re not able to be here with us.

 It’s always tricky to recommend blogs and lists because feelings invariably get hurt—no matter how inclusive they are. I don’t envy those of you who have tried or are attempting to make those. You’re braver than I am.

 That said, it is demoralizing to be left off lists repeatedly. It’s equally frustrating to produce works and not feel like the images and/or stories are getting any attention. This is true for new(er) people who are trying to join a fandom (@mandelion82 and @endlessnightlock come to mind), former authors who’ve returned (@awhiskeyriver), and those who were around long ago and stayed for the long haul (I am one of those). Each of us wants to be part of the community. It sucks to feel left out (whether intentional or not). You are all amazing, and I see/hear you.

 Yesterday, @eiramrelyat posted fanart she created for one of my stories as a surprise, and I was over the moon. It was a total surprise, and her work is stunningly gorgeous. I am beyond thankful for the gift, and I hope she understands how much it means to me. I’ve been fortunate in the past to receive artwork from @ombradellaluna and @the-tesseract-wrinkling-time and story banners from @xerxia31, @papofglencoe, @maddenmarvels, @burlesonspride, and @ronordmann, and from those who are no longer active on tumblr (loving-mellark, @akai-echo, and @myusernamehere). I am beyond thankful for your gifts.

 I’ve been left off lists before, and it’s painful. Although I’m never angry at being left out, I’m often more discouraged and befuddled. I’m always fascinated to see who others view as “essential” while leaving off others. As someone who has been part of the Everlark fandom since 2013, it seems that my name should be recognizable by now. Since I’m often omitted, maybe I’m wrong. It’s not the fault of newcomers for not knowing who I am when my name doesn’t appear on lists of active blogs. How could the new people find me? The frustration comes from being a long-time contributor to the fandom and still not being deemed essential. @lovely-tothe-bone and @mrspeetamellark have both heard my frustration and reached out to me about it. Thank you both for doing so.

I have published 107 Everlark stories on AO3 and more on tumblr.

I help run @seasonsofeverlark and @talesofpanem.

I helped create the Everlark Holiday Bingo challenge that’s currently running. It would be amazing if those who are writing holiday stories would consider participating. So far, only six people from the Everlark fandom have contributed. One bingo fill is awesome if that’s all you have time to contribute. If you want to do more, please do.

I have written for @nanowrimo seven times.

I have participated in the following charity anthologies/auctions: @s2sl (twice), @fandom4lls (twice), @mores2sl (three years with five stories), @loveinpanem-blog’s A Candle for the Caribbean, @fandomforoz, @fandomtrumpshate (two years with five auctions), and @what2finish (one year with two auctions).

I have participated in the following challenges: nine out of 12 rounds of @promptsinpanem with 21 stories posted, every round of @everlarkficexchange with 16 stories posted and four more forthcoming, three years of @thgseasonofhope (this year’s not yet posted), 17 stories for @talesofpanem, eight stories for @seasonsofeverlark (with one forthcoming), three stories for @everlarkbirthdaydrabbles, 19 stores for @d12drabbles, one story for @loveinpanem-blog’s Valentine’s challenge, two multi-chaptered stories for @everlarkchristmasgifts, one multi-chaptered story for @everlarkvalentinesgifts, three stories for @everlarkianarchives, two stories for @fyeah-everlark’s Secret Santa exchange, three stories for @the-everlark-games, two rounds of the @everlark-your-own-adventure challenge, one for @winterinpanem, one for (the now defunct) wmashgchallenge, one for the Everlark drabble challenge, and one for the Peeta Mellark masturbation series.

Besides those things, I’ve also collaborated with other writers and artists (thanks, @deinde-prandium, @xerxia31, and @thegirlfromoverthepond), and I’ve published more stories that weren’t part of any official challenge. I’ve done these things because I enjoy writing and think it’s important to support the fandom and worthy charitable causes. I don’t participate because I’m looking for praise (although it’s always nice to hear from those who enjoy what I’ve created). My point is that if participating in all those things doesn’t make me an active, essential part of the Everlark fandom or make my name on tumblr or AO3 recognizable, then I simply don’t know what else to do.

 As a historian, I think it’s important to know the history of the fandom, so it’s understandable and commendable to read the “classics” of Everlark. There’s a reason Dickens and Chaucer and the Bronte sisters and Edgar Allen Poe are famous. They’ve created stories that have stood the test of time. There are also new gems like The Hunger Games and Harry Potter and The Hating Game. Newer writers are vital to the success of a fandom, as well. I’ve been reading Everlark for seven years, and I still have countless seminal works I’ve not yet read. The same goes for newer writers. I’m trying, but it can be overwhelming. I’m doing the best I can while working as a full-time professor during a global pandemic, writing my own stories, being an active member of my church, being a good aunt to my nephews, supporting my friends and family (many of whom have health problems), and joining another fandom. I’m doing the best I can.

 This is longer than most people will want to read, I’m sure, but please know you are not alone in feeling what you do. So many of us feel left out or ignored. So many of us are celebrated. So many of us mean the world to one or more readers/viewers.  We all have our reasons for being here, and we are all part of this community. I hope I’ve contributed in at least a tiny way in making you feel welcome while you’re here.

 Lots of love. Don’t send anon hate to me or anyone else. Happy holidays! 

[imaginepirates]

Old Lovers

In which you’re a pirate captain, and you and Jack are old lovers who bump into each other unexpectedly. 

@emdrabbles @tesserphantom @paljonkaikenlaista @viper-official  

~2900 words

~~~~~~~

          The sun reflected brilliantly over the water, making the waves sparkle. The midday heat made you sweat, and you were stripped down to your billowing shirt and trousers, trying to keep some of the heat at bay. Your crew felt the affects, too, and you were of a mind to let everyone jump into the cool ocean water.

          The thought was dashed when a lookout jogged up to you, reporting a ship on the horizon. Sure enough, you could spot the tiny dot of a ship against the backdrop of blue. You frowned. Nobody was in the mood for a fight, and you hoped the ship was one you knew. At this distance, you couldn’t say.

          You weighed your options. Your ship could outrun most, being one of the fastest ships in the Americas, but you knew there were some still that could put you to the test. Redirecting course immediately might be the safest course of action. Still, you were curious as to who was out there. It might well be one of your acquaintances, though it could just as easily be a naval vessel. You weren’t keen on being caught by the British, nor the Spanish.

          You decided to wait a little longer, just until you could make out the colors it was flying, before taking any further action. It was possible that it might be a relatively easy catch, if it was a vessel carrying goods.

          “It’s flying British colors, Captain,” hollered a lookout. “An East Indiaman, by the looks of her.”

          You frowned. East Indiamen weren’t always the easiest to overtake. They were typically well-armed, and could fight off pirate attacks without a naval escort.

          “Strange, though,” the lookout continued. “Seems to me that all her sails are black. And her hull.”

          You smiled. Jack. It had to be. Who else captained an East Indiaman with black sails and a black hull? Nobody, that’s who. It was a little ridiculous that he still ran up the Union Jack to try and confuse other ships. The Black Pearl was too infamous not to notice.

          “Steady on,” you said. “That’s an old friend.”

          Some of the crew smiled at you, knowing full well just how ‘friendly’ the two of you were. Many of them had friends among the crew; you could tell that spirits were rising at the thought of a reunion. You, too, were feeling happy. You hadn’t seen Jack in too long. Months had gone by without word of him, and you’d found yourself missing his company. You had lots to catch up on, be that with words or….other things.

          It was a good hour before your ships pulled up alongside each other. Jack had clearly recognized your galleon’s blue stripes across the gun ports, and the blue sails to match. It was nice to have a distinctive ship, just like Jack’s. It helped when striking fear into enemies, but also when meeting with friends. Not to mention, you could always pass it off as being a French vessel. The British surely wouldn’t put it past the French to paint their ships blue.

          You came up alongside the Black Pearl, plywood already being shoved between decks as makeshift passages between ships. Men called to each other and waved. The reunion would be a merry one indeed, especially if there was enough alcohol to go around.

          Just as you’d expected, Jack stood at the helm, smiling down at you. You smiled back, waving him over. He obliged, stepping down from the helm to walk easily across one of the thin boards. His balance was perfect from years working at sea, having spent time in the ratlines and on the masts.

          “Y/N, love, it’s good to see you.” He kissed the back of your hand, winking.

          “It’s good to see you too, Jack.” And it was. You laced your fingers through his, walking him up to the helm of your ship. “I was just thinking that my ship could do with some provisions. We can take on water at a little island not far from here. That and fruit. Prevents disease, you know.”

          “I know, love.” He almost sighed the words. What a romantic idiot. And he claims he doesn’t have feelings.

          “Well? Do you need anything or not?”

          “The Pearl could always do with water, and I’m not one to say no to fruit. Besides,” he grinned, “it gives us an excuse to spend more time together, doesn’t it?”

          You rolled your eyes. “We don’t need excuses. We’re captains, Jack. We can do what we want.”

          “Ah, yes. The freedom to do what you want because you want it. What a wonderful notion. I can’t believe there are people who don’t believe in it.”

          You pulled into the inlet of a small island. There were hundreds like it within the Caribbean; most of the area was made up of tiny, uninhabited spits of land. You’d sailed the area long enough to know some of the ones with fresh water on them. It was important information for a pirate. There were few places you could take on water other than Tortuga, and the state of their water could be sketchy. You’d had barrels with slime on the inside before, and shuddered to think of drinking it.

          “Well, those people aren’t having nearly as much fun as we are, are they?”

          “Decidedly not.”

          The island was well-shaded by trees, and a little lake provided you with water. The crews of both ships were put to work filling barrels and returning them to the ship. It wasn’t easy; full barrels were terribly heavy. Still, it was all the work they had to do for the rest of the day. It had been decided that both ships would stay in the inlet a few hours to allow for some free time among the crews.

          And the captains. Not that anyone paid attention to that. Both crews were long past the days of looking wide eyed at the two of you when you brushed hands or exchanged quick kisses. These things didn’t go unnoticed, of course, and some of the newer members of the crews were still surprised, but most ignored your antics.

          With the water stored and loaded, the crews disappeared to do as they wished. Most played cards in shaded areas and drank, or told stories and drank, or sang shanties and drank. There was, on the whole, a lot of drinking, as there was bound to be when sailors got together.

          It reminded you a little of the taverns in Shipwreck Cove. There, some of the most famous pirates of the age got together. The stories they could tell were unmatched, and they held all the records at drinking contests. You loved the Cove. The gatherings there were merry, and it was nice to socialize with others after having only your crew for months on end.

          You and Jack found a quiet little cove away from the crews. It was still damned hot, and you intended to take advantage of it.

          “What about a swim, love?” asked Jack. Apparently, he’d had the same idea.

          “Absolutely.”

          You doffed most of your clothes, only keeping on what was completely necessary. It wasn’t like you hadn’t seen each other before. Besides, it was no use wearing waterlogged clothes.

          You and Jack slipped into the pool, grateful for the coolness of the water. There were so many questions for you to ask. Where had Jack been? What had he been doing? What ridiculous thing was he trying to find now? Jack was always in a host of magical trouble, and it excited and amused you to hear what he was up to. No good is the answer. You smiled to yourself. Somehow, trouble found Jack wherever he went.

          For a while, you just swam with each other. The cool water felt wonderful on your skin, and you enjoyed the escape from the heat. Just being together was enough at the moment; even just having Jack near made you happy.

          “What magical adventures have you been up to?” you asked.

          “Magical? That’s not my kind of thing, love.”

          “I know you, Jack. You’re always after some magical item or another. What is it this time?”

          Jack pouted a little. “The Holy Grail.”

          You couldn’t help a little laugh. “The Holy Grail? I knew you believed in some of that stuff, but a Christian myth? Doesn’t seem like you.”

          “It’s in Spain, in a little church. The Basilica of San Isidoro. I hear it’s a lovely place.”

          “I’m sure it is, Jack, but I’d be surprised if you weren’t smote down by god himself the moment you tried to set foot in the door.”

          Jack grinned. “I might just have to send someone in for me. Who better than your saintly self?”

          You burst out laughing. “‘Saintly’? I hardly think so. I’d face the same wrath of god as you, I’m sure.”

          “Ah, well. I’ll find someone.” He swam up to you, pulling you into the shallows for a kiss. It was a much longer, more passionate kiss than he dared when in front of your respective crews, and you enjoyed every second of it, coming away a bit flustered.

          “Never one to miss an opportunity, are you?”

          “No, love.” Jack smiled wickedly, pulling you close. He gave you another kiss, softer this time, and moved on to your cheeks, nose, forehead, and eyelids. You sighed in contentment.

          He’s softer than anyone else knows, you thought. It was true: Jack could be quite the passionate lover, but he was also gentle. He liked to curl up beside you in bed, just to hold you, and to bury his face in your hair. You appreciated both sides to him.

          Now, his lips had trailed down your neck, nuzzling the spot between your neck and shoulder. You ran your hands through his hair, enjoying every moment. He was getting more and more adventurous, looking up at you with a smug expression, lips trailing ever lower on your chest, making you blush.

          “Is here really the best place?”

          “Jack?”

          “Yes?”

          “The crews are preoccupied. At least here we don’t have them listening at our door.” He didn’t wait for an answer, going right back to kissing you, pulling up your shirt to kiss your stomach and down your thighs.

          Looks like we won’t be getting back to the ship any time soon.

          You returned to your ships a while later, much more disheveled than when you’d set out. Nobody paid it any mind. You pretended to blame it on the fact that you’d gone for a swim, but you knew not everyone was fooled.

          The evening light fell across the ship, bathing everything in gold. You held Jack’s hand, still glowing a little from your earlier escapade. Your ships pulled out of the inlet, sails unfurling to catch the wind. You sailed out around the curve of the island and into the wide ocean.

          A ship appeared on the horizon. You and Jack both pulled out longlasses, looking out at the silhouette. It was a galleon, judging by its size and the number of masts. A Dutch flag fluttered in the wind. A merchant vessel, no doubt. Thankfully, it had no escort, and you figured it wasn’t part of the Dutch East India Company. Still, the Dutch had all sorts of goods, and you knew that between the two of you, you and Jack could take the prize. Galleons could be nasty business, of course, but two on one was good odds.

          “Split the prizes?” You offered.

          “Fair enough.”

          Jack returned to his ship, and together, you sailed in the direction of the galleon. She’d seen you, as she steered about, trying to turn and flee. Unfortunately for her, there was no way for her to outrun you. She was sailing against the wind, and doomed to be caught. You ran up your pirate flag. A nice little thing, a skull facing sideways with a gold earring. A nice piece of work, and complimentary to Jack’s. His was similar, but it showed his hair trinkets, and had a red sparrow flying on one side.

          Less than a half-hour later, you were within range to begin an attack. You and Jack had each taken a side of the galleon to fire on. With it sandwiched between you, it stood no chance. Still, it wasn’t letting up; no flag of surrender appeared. The captain knows that we want his cargo, and that we’ll have to board.

          Still, a little fight wouldn’t dissuade you. You were pirates, after all. Fighting was part of the job. Your crew scurried to their positions, manning the cannons and running powder. You prepared for a broadside volley. If you could get off the first shot, things might not be so bad. It was all a matter of whose crew was faster.

          It was yours. A volley of your cannonballs slammed into the side of the galleon. The shot was returned a minute later as the galleon let off shots of their own, but the Dutch ship had clearly taken some damage. The plume of smoke between you only grew as the shots were returned. Cannonballs slammed into your deck, splintering the wood. Pieces of bannister and railing flew apart, while a large hole made itself clear in the side of your ship. Thankfully, it was well above the waterline, and you breathed a sigh of relief.

          The Dutch ship rocked to one side as the Pearl let off a volley, and again to the other side as you hit them. There were holes dotting the hull of the galleon, some dangerously close to the water. No doubt the merchants would have some bailing to do. They were taking bad damage, and many of their gunports had been shot to splinters.

          You and Jack closed in, pulling right up alongside the galleon, throwing over lines to connect the ships. Now, you could board with ease. The moment both crews landed on the galleon, the Dutch lost their fighting spirit. You took the ship quickly; merchants never made good fighters. A few shots went off, and swords crashed together, but the fight was over almost before it began.

          The Dutch huddled in a group on the deck, their captain among them, as men from your ship and the Pearl loaded cargo into their respective ships. You’d decide on the exact amounts of loot that you’d split later. For now, you wanted to get everything you could and leave. The galleon had suffered heavy damage in the broadside fight, and some of the shots had hit her below the waterline. You’d rather not be on the ship when it sank.

          You left your men to their work, slipping over to the Pearl. Jack was directing where to put cargo as you walked up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright?” You asked.

          He turned. “Yes, love. Nothing more than cuts and scrapes. Are you?”

          “I’m fine. I was worried that you might have been hurt in the broadside fight.”

          “And I for you. All it takes is one unlucky moment.” Jack shuddered, clearly remembering past fights. You’d seen your fair share of gore, too, and you knew just how deadly a cannonball could be. “What would you say to a good nap?”

          You laughed. “Yes, a nap would be welcome. We’ll have to talk about splitting up the cargo, too.”

          “Aye, and that. I’ve found some lovely silks that would look ravishing on you.”

          “Don’t flatter me, Jack.”

          “There’s not a word of lie, love. Though you tend to look ravishing in everything. Or nothing.” Jack smirked.

          You hit his arm. “Behave.” But you were smiling too. It was hard not to, around him.

          You were in his cabin an hour later, settled into his bed. Your head rested on Jack’s chest, and his fingers ran gently through your hair. Your legs were tangled together, and one of your hands was tucked in one of his, and you could hear the steady beat of his heart through his thin linen shirt.

          “I’ve missed this, Jack,” you admitted. “Us.” It had been a long time since you’d last been together, and as much as you loved every moment, you knew it wouldn’t last. Jack would, at some point, leave. You hated the thought. You’d gone so long without each other, you wanted to stay together as long as you could.

          “I missed this too, love.” You could tell that he meant it. He was so rarely soft with anyone; it was reserved for the people he loved.

          “Let’s stay together longer. We can travel as a pair, and we could take more prizes that way. Our own miniature armada.”

          “Sounds nice. My crew would probably like me better if we took more prizes.”

          “I’m sure they would,” you teased. You knew his focus wasn’t always on the loot, that it was sometimes directed more towards the mystical.

          “And would you follow me on my strange adventures? Off into the unknown?”

          “I’ve always thought your adventures sounded exciting.”

          You settled into a happy silence, laying in each others’ arms. You let him play with your hair, fingers massaging your scalp.

          “Will you come to Spain with me?” he murmured.

          “They do have lots of gold. And good food. A mediteranean adventure sound nice, Jack.”

          He made a little contented noise, and you drifted off, dreaming of the glittering waters and rich vineyards of Spain. And the gold. Always the gold. And Jack.

[btsandvmin]

Ask: Reply - 2021.03.25

Time to go through some of your asks! I am glad you seemed to like the new format and I’ll keep it up for now. (If you have any suggestions for improvement feel free to comment.) I got a lot this time and with pretty varying topics, so it took a while for me to write this even if it still seems pretty sloppy. I also got two asks I just answer briefly but didn’t want to include due to the topics. Anyways, let’s get to it. :)

Topics:

Ask 1 - Anon share about shipping Ji/hope and becoming a Vminie Ask 2 - Reasons to ship Vmin and no leaks of a relationship (+ rumors ask) Ask 3 - Stress over my analysis “making people delusional” Ask 4 - Tae/kook and Ji/kook being big ships (+t/k shippers ask) Ask 5 - Not enjoying a bond because of it’s shippers Ask 6 - Vmin videocall while getting make-up. Ask 7 - Vmin shaking hands Ask 8 - Wheesa from Mamamoo Ask 9 - Any wholesome fic recs?

(I got a few more left, but the post was getting long, so I’ll save them for next time. I promise I’ll answer them in my next ask post.)

Ask 1 - Anon share about shipping Ji/hope and becoming a Vminie

Hi and thank you for sharing your story, I always find it interesting to read how people found their way to Vmin and in particular if they shipped something else first. Don’t worry about it being long, it was a fun read. :)

I see what you mean with there being “something about Jimin” and I actually think he is so shippable with all BTS members. He truly works so well and is so sweet and cute with all of them. I also think Ji/hope (as many hyung x maknae line ships) is a very underrated ship. And they used to be very big on the fanservice on stage in the early years too so they definitely have some “questionable moments” in that sense as well. 

I think the way Jimin express his love for all his members is amazing and has probably lead to all of them expressing their love a lot more opnely. Think of how Jimin started their tradition of giving gifts for their birthdays for example. Honestly, all BTS ships are good ships but I really think Jimin’s way of being so openly affectionate just makes all his ships very soft and full of love. But yes, more love to Ji/hope please, because they have a lot of great moments. 

It’s interesting how you say you were affected by the platonic label Vmin has. I really think it’s very strong and works very well on a majority of the fandom and on most people that don’t dig a bit deeper and question what Vmin have actually done. That being said, a lot of the surface level things for all ships are great, and I do think you really have to deep dive into a ship to get the more actually questionable moments a lot of the time. And I think with Vmin this hasn’t been done so much, so people might be surprised when they actually do look closer.

I also like how the lipstick moment and the kissing the doll moments made you end up questioning Vmin. For me who has looked at Vmin for so long these were just more examples of things I had already seen, but I am sure many newer fans (just like you did) would react and look twice at these moments. I’ll tell you though, these moments are just barely scratching the surface of questionable things that Vmin have done.

I am glad you like my blog and think the things I say makes sense, though I do want to be clear and say it’s just me guessing and making theories. I am glad they make sense, but I could still be wrong. :P Thank you again for sharing your own story, and I hope you will keep on enjoying Vmin and my blog. <3

Ask 2 - Reasons to ship Vmin and no leaks of a relationship (rumors)

I mean, I think I have shared my reasons to ship Vmin in pretty much every post I have ever done on this blog. There’s a lot of them after all... But if you haven’t already I would suggest checking out my posts 10 Reasons to ship Vmin and 10 more reasons to ship Vmin. 

I stress the point that Vmin could easily be platonic but simply extremely close all the time as well, so we could definitely be reading too much into things. Of course this goes for all shippers (or rather believers, there is a difference after all). I suspect your question might not be about shipping but rather if Vmin could be real and what reasons I might have to think that is possible. You can check my post Shipping vs Believing if you want to know how I view things very differently when it comes to simply shipping and anything that goes beyond shipping).

As for what makes Vmin stand out as more likely compared to other ships I guess the main things I take into account are: The songs, Vmin being careful (including friendzoning and other members’ reactions to them), their sometimes contradicting behavior (like them being soulmates but seemingly being awkward with some things or not being together as much as we might expect etc.), the way they do some very romantic looking things and have increased those behaviors over time and then just a lot of interesting moments and their close relationship in general. Also, soulmates is not a label to underestimate.

As for leaks I think you have to ask the same question for all idols, and all relationships. I mean, how many leaks of any BTS relationship have we gotten? I don’t think the guys have lived in celibate for their whole careers. Not to mention a lot of idols date secretly, and for LGBT+ idols I am sure they would be even more careful. But at the same time people also would likely be less suspicious unless they do something very obvious. I mean, think of all the things we have seen BTS do openly. I also think we have to remember that if it’s something that the fans doesn’t want to know or believe it also is less likely to get spread. For example that an idol they love would be LGBT+... because heteronormativity and homophobia is not to be taken lightly either. I also think you underestimate how many secrets insiders in all entertainment industries are keeping. I am sure many idols are pretty open with their dating to many, but it doesn’t get spread because there is a risk with being the whistle blower as well. Perhaps in particular with exposing someone’s sexuality which could ruin their whole career... And any person trying to ruin BTS’s reputation at this point might honestly get lynched by all of Korea.

I also know some rumors (not about sexuality) even gets pushed away as spread by antis etc. So sometimes even when rumors leak they get shut down. In the end there are a lot of rumors floating around, many that contradict each other as well, but I don’t think lack of rumors has to mean it is impossible for it to be happening. Again, many in the LGBT+ community aren’t even out to their own family and manages to hide that... We don’t know enough about how two members in a relationship would be or how open they would be to begin with. I suspect in the case of Vmin they would be very careful and only a select few would know. 

There could also be leaks, but they don’t reach the mainstream fandom. Like how I learned about the problems and disbandment talk back in the summer of 2018. Some things definitely do get leaked, but it is also very difficult to know if they are real or not until confirmed.

But I do think if a couple is real and they are pretty open with it, eventually they would either be in an obvious glass closet or there would be rumors or even confirmation. Because if a couple isn’t careful to begin with then they clearly risk exposure and likely wouldn’t mind too much to be outed.

It’s definitely a complicated topic, and a whole world we as fans don’t know enough about to even come to any real conclusions. So don’t worry about not knowing, it’s not like we as outsider can easily know how things work as they are likely even different for each company, group, couple, individual etc.

I also want to adress one ask I got but won’t include, about a particular sasaeng rumor ((part of ask: there was news going around by saesung (idk if I spelled it right sorry)...)). I only have two things to say, because I don’t want to spread any of these rumors or want any of you to look for these things.

1. Rumors are rumors, we have no idea what sources they come from and many times they also contradict each other. Often they can be spread by antis of some kind with an agenda to hurt or worry. It’s better to simply pay them no attention most of the time.

2. If the rumors are ridiculous in nature, as the one you asked about, it’s even better to not spread it further. In this case it would go against the personalities of the members and against their own words. It would mean BTS lied to us straight to our faces about something there is no reason to lie about, and thus doesn’t have any reason to happen to begin with. Be open of course, but also think critically. Don’t worry in vain, just try to ignore stuff like this.

Ask 3 - Stress over my analysis “making people delusional”

Thank you a lot @phantomavenger​, your message really soothes me. This is a dilemma I’ve struggled with a lot over the years actually. If sharing stuff and theories about Vmin might not be good, no matter if I am right or wrong. Because if Vmin are together I am basically working to exposing them against their will and if I am wrong I might be a factor in people believing in something that isn’t real, which might end up hurting them. 

I usually end up thinking that maybe it’s better for things to come from me with a more nuanced take than that someone else finds it and it spreads in a more uncontrolled and delusional way right away. If that makes sense? I know this might sound very conceited, but since I know my words are being spread I at least hope to make people understand the importance of not jumping to conclusions and sounding too sure of anything we don’t really know. Again, a lot of ships have believers, and that says something. We should all be careful both for our own sake and for the privacy of the boys. Normalizing delusional behavior is what usually leads to worse and worse things being done “in the name of the ship” as well and I just don’t want that from Vminies. The trickle down effect of people misunderstanding or twisting my words is also a bit scary.  There are also so many shipper at this point that I think most things I point out will eventually likely be pointed out or noticed by someone else anyway, so...

But you are right, I can’t take responsibility for people taking my things out of context or getting convinced even though I try to tell them not to. In the end I write analysis on Vmin because I don’t think anything I find is enough to actually prove anything (this goes for all ships btw). I’ll share my analysis and with it I will also have many reasons on why shipping real people and “knowing a ship is real” is so much more difficult than many seem to think. 

Here’s a sneak peak in case anyone is interested. 

Don’t worry, I’ll try to edit it and make it more concise. Thank you again for your kind words and reassurance. :)

Ask 4 - Tae/kook and Ji/kook being big ships

Hi, and wecome to the fandom! I hope you will enjoy being an ARMY and keep liking Vmin. :3

I answered recently about big ships (Ask: Reply - 2021.03.18 Ask 3 - What makes a ship big?) and I’ve talked about popularity regarding these certain ships before as well in Why do you think Vmin get so brozoned by the fandom?

First I would like to say that “vibes” to me doesn’t really say much... All shippers clearly have their own perception of the members and their dynamics, otherwise everyone would ship the same thing. That being said I think projecting is part of many shippers’ reasons to ship and definitely think it’s part in why JK ships in general are very popular. Not just within BTS but for straight ships as well.

I don’t think there is ever one simple reason for why someone ships something, and same for why they might think a pair is actually together. Me might all have our own reasons for why we like a certain ship. For me all ships in BTS have good enough chemistry and dynamics to be shipped and I don’t think there is anything weird with those ships being popular. Especially since they’ve basically been popular since the start for their own reasons and then simply kept growing.

In short I think these things might play a big part in why some ships get bigger than others:

1. Projecting and falling for a ship similar to your own preference in a relationship 2. Amount of moments, and type of moments. 3. Type of relationship and the fandom view. Some dynamics will draw people in more even if it’s only percieved dynamics and stereotyping. Sexual tension and complicated drama is more “fun” than “friends to lovers” trope. 4. How popular they are. Big ships will grow bigger faster. More exposure and material by fans might make people find big ships easier. 5. Room for analysis. Honestly, if a ship seems “complicated” it might be more interesting to dig deeper into. So when people see analysis of ji/kook or tae/kook they get interested and might get more involved. Basically if analysis are being made it will make people more invested, and for Vmin it’s not that people can’t analyze them, but rather that not many have. So you won’t find as many fans deep diving and looking harder at Vmin compared to many other ships.

Again, ships might be popular for many different reasons, but I don’t think size of a ship really is that important. Just ship and let others ship what they like as well.

I also want to briefly adress an ask I got but that I won’t post, because I got yet another ask about Tae/kook. I’m sorry I won’t include the ask but I definitely agree with your comment to “Look at V as an individual person, not part of a ship”. This should be obvious and apply for all shippers. 

But I do want to say that I don’t think shipping a particular pair is the problem, it’s how you do it. I personally see no problem with shipping anything as long as it only is shipping, which is a fantasy. I ship Chen x Baekhyun from EXO and Chen is married... I simply enjoy their dynamic as a fantasy. Just like how I enjoy characters in a book or movie I am aware it isn’t real. I mostly see shipping as a problem when you let it affect how you behave towards people with different opinions or if you push it onto the people themselves which is never ok (even if it would be real). Of course there are many examples of shippers taking things too far, but I don’t think the ship in itself is the problem, but again what those shippers might do. So yeah, I condone any shipper who crosses the line and push things onto the members, but I don’t think shipping in itself is bad.

Ask 5 - Not enjoying a bond because of it’s shippers

Hi, and first of all I am sorry you are feeling like this. I think sadly this is quite a common problem, and I am not sure I have any good answers for you. But I’ll try. I do recognize this feeling though I have mostly felt it in other fandoms where shippers of “rival” ships got me so annoyed it was difficult to not just see the shippers’ reactions every time they had a moment. Which made it less fun and sometimes hard to enjoy their moments even though I would have usually. What I did in that case was actually stop engaging in the fandom all together for a while, to take a step back as many of my own fellow shippers’ negativity about the other shippers and their theories affected me as well (btw this was a fictional ship so it’s quite different in many ways).

It’s sad when shipping affect us this much, but it can be hard when we invest so much time and get so much enjoyment out of it. I am not sure how bad you feel, but I think when you feel conflicted (possibly cognitive dissonance) when coming across ji/kook content it might have gone a bit too far (I talk about it a bit in this post) and be too attached to the idea of your own ship. If so you might want to consider taking a step back and engage with the fandom less and just focus on enjoying the actual content we get. If you simply react due to shippers and don’t actually care if ji/kook are happy together (or even would be real) I would simply suggest trying to stay away from those people. Sadly over analyzing the members happens a lot and will likely not stop anytime soon. I know it’s not that easy, but I don’t really have any better advice. Try to find places you can be while feeling happy, or take a break if you have to. Distance and time might help at times and I know many people who take breaks from their fandoms when they get too much for them and they get less enjoyment from being part of the community.

For me I did also have a period when looking at Ji/kook made me a bit annoyed or even sad. It was during a period when I was extra sensitive and wasn’t feeling very good so even small things affected me more than they should. But it had less to do with Ji/kook and more to do with consuming very toxic narratives from Ji/kook shippers that basically included Vmin being fake or played up. The idea of Vmin being fake hurts me much more than any other ship being real. Consuming a lot of quite toxic Ji/kook theories made me think Ji/kook being real would equal Vmin being fake and thus seeing Ji/kook hurt a bit.

What worked for me was realizing that this narrative makes no actual sense and there is no point in me worrying about Vmin being fake. And if they would be I know my reaction would simply be to walk away as I wouldn’t enjoy BTS if they lie about things there is no reason to lie about. This took away the feeling of being insecure, and I can be happy with just knowing Vmin are soulmates, no matter what kind. 

I also stopped looking up analysis of other ships and simply keep in mind that even if other ships are real it doesn’t change the bond between Vmin. I know enough about other ships to see their weird moments and to know I shouldn’t be certain about my own ship. I can also see what other shippers might see in a moment on my own at this point, so I do see how seeing moments might make you just think of what theories it might lead to. For me it was about changing my own mindset about other ships vs Vmin and to simply not consume content that was toxic or made me feel bad. Basically, even if Ji/kook or any other ship would be real it wouldn’t bother me as I know what Vmin has is still incredibly special and genuine.

To me this worked, but every person has their own limits. I would suggest backing off from consuming shipping content and simply look at how much the actual content shows the love between the boys. And also if possible try to get with the idea that even if another ship is real, that isn’t neccessarily bad. I would be happy for any ship if it was real at this point as long as they make each other happy, and I don’t feel threatened by other ships because of it.

As for shippers being bad or toxic, sadly with size and confidence it seems to happen a lot. I simply don’t bother with antis or over analyzing shippers of any kind that put very negative narratives on the boys. I know there will always be some bad ones in all bigger fandoms, so I try to not let it affect me too much. In fact I feel more hurt when my own ship communities engage in toxic behavior as that is harder to ignore and walk away from.

Thank you for sharing your struggles and I hope I could help maybe even a little. I know it’s not easy and as you say the guilt is also hard to deal with. I know I might have strayed away from your actual issue, but it’s a very difficult topic for me too. But at least your worry shows you truly do care for the members and don’t want to see them in a negative light. Just try to do what you need to do to feel better, even if it might be hard to do. Also thank you so much for liking my blog. <3

Ask 6 - Vmin videocall while getting make-up.

I am going to be frank here, this is a moment where fans most likely saw incorrectly and then some still spread it as a Vmin moment. I know people debated about it when it happened and I am sure people still have different opinions on it. But for me since it seems pretty clear the screen corresponds with how Tae moves the phone and takes a picture of himself. I think it was on selfie mode, not that it was a video call. This image I found might be edited because it look very much like Jimin, but it could also be accidental that this screenshot really really looked like him. I know it really looks like Jimin and the paleness of the screen makes it difficult to know... But if you watch the video in it’s original size and quality you see it’s Tae pretty clearly.

The video is  [BANGTAN BOMB] Jin's Sunglasses Collection in Hong Kong - BTS (방탄소년단). You can watch it around 2.10. Sorry for bursting the bubble. But hey, at least we know Vmin actually do facetime each other despite how much they see each other. :)

Ask 7 - Vmin and shaking hands

Vmin really are extra with the shaking (and holding/touching) hands, aren’t they? To be fair I think they do this quite a lot with other members as well, but it’s still definitely a Vmin thing. ;)

As for Brooklyn 99 I have watched clips, but not the full show, so I know who Holt and Kevin are... But I didn’t know they did that. That’s really sweet. Though obviously it sucks they can’t just be like any other couple and would have to make hand shaking their public display of affection (though I suppose it could just be their personalities as well? Like I said I don’t know the show too well.)

Funny but I actually wrote a little drabble Vmin part of something similar at one point... Though it wasn’t about shaking hands but instead fist bumps, as Vmin was doing that a lot at that time. I just find the idea of Vmin making anything normal into something cute and intimate, like an inside joke, very endearing. Thank you for sharing. :)

Ask 8 - Wheesa from Mamamoo

Thank you for sharing this cute moment. :) I really do like Mamamoo and from the few moments I have seen with them they seem really sweet with each other. Also I love Twit, it’s such a bop! 

Wouldn’t it be amazing if Vmin followed suit and Jimin appears in Tae’s MV for KTH1? :3

Ask 9 - Any wholesome fic recs?

Hi and thank you for your kind words. :3 English isn’t my native language and I struggle with being articulate sometimes, so your comment makes me really happy. :)

As for fics I am sorry, I have two big fic recs and I feel most of my favorites are included in those. (Huge Vmin fic rec and Vmin fic rec - Canon compliant) I know they don’t have any indications of rating etc. but for now looking through these lists to check if they fit what you like is what I have. If anyone has any particularly wholesome BTS fics to rec feel free to add them in the replies. :) Thank you and sorry for not coming with any actual recs in this reply. 

And that will conclude this post as it was starting to get a little long. :) I do have some asks left, and I’ll try to answer them as soon as I can with my next post. Thank you all for your interesting questions and shared stories. I hope you found this post enjoyable, or at least worth a read, as it included some pretty heavy topics.

[sunqyu]

If you don't mind, could you explain the meaning behind each members message in be your own king? I've seen everyone talk about the greatness behind the message but as a new fan who's still learning about the boys' personality and stereotypes I don't think I fully understand everything 😅

I don’t think they’ve shared official meanings anywhere so it’s pretty much all up to our own interpretation. For me personally, I connected most of the scenes to things they’ve said in the identity films. Here are six of them because it took me longer than expected, I’ll do the other five tomorrow! (:

Let’s start with Hyunjae who said ‘Make your own air.’, here’s his identity film. 

This one was a little less obvious to me but I’ve always seen Hyunjae as someone who speaks up when necessary. In the identity film he also mentions this, how he speaks up when he feels like everyone wants to but no one does. He talks about how strong his moral compass is and how he can’t stand injustice but this makes people see him as blunt. Eventhough he doesn’t want people to see him as blunt he’d rather speak up because keeping it in will be more toxic for him. I think with ‘Make your own air.’ and him being underwater in his scene he’s creating a metaphor. Air being a feeling of freedom, openness, justice, something along those lines. In a world where people are too afraid to speak up (wether it’s for themselves or for someone else) someone like Hyunjae could feel suffocated, as if he is underwater. By making his own air, creating a space by speaking up and giving other people the motivation to do so too, he lets himself breathe. Instead of letting himself drown in the injustice that others are trying to ignore, he creates air.

Next up is Juyeon, who said ‘Make your own character.’, here’s his identity film.

So Juyeon has a lot of different sides to his personality and to the way he comes across. He’s one of the more quiet or shy members which leads to a certain reputation. He went viral a few times which enforced this “first impression”-reputation even more among the general public but also among the fans. He used to be seen as a very pure and nice person. In the identity film he explains how this isn’t always true and to him the boundaries of being a good person are blurry. It was difficult for him to always be seen as just that nice guy. With more recent comebacks (Reveal, The Stealer, Breaking Dawn) we’ve seen a huuuge change in the way he comes across and he really got the opportunity to break out of that reputation. He also mentions that he wants to keep showing new charms. To me this means he enjoys figuring out who he is and playing with ways to influence his reputation. He has the power to create his own character, not fitting into one specific box or be a certain type and stick with that, but always changing and evolving.

My everything Changmin said ‘Make your own stage.’, here’s his identity film.

I could talk about this one for AGES but I’ll try to zoom in on a few points. Aside from Changmin being a born performer and how clearly we can see his biggest passion is being on stage, I think there’s more behind his message than that. He is one of the biggest perfectionists in the industry and is the strictest with himself. He also struggles with depression and in his identity film he talks about how honesty isn’t always the best move and how he rarely talks about his feelings. To me that sounds like he has a lot on his mind but chooses not to be honest about it in order to keep his relationships happy and to not make people worry. I speak from personal experience here but sometimes telling other people what you’re dealing with can only make the problem feel bigger. Sometimes it’s nice to not tell anyone so hanging out with them is a distraction from what’s bothering you. Like he says in the film, when someone shares their struggles you’ll only feel down together. He also talks about how he always tries to give positive energy to others even when he isn’t happy himself. (I could keep going but I’ll get to the point now). By making his own stage I think he means making a life and a side of himself that focusses on the good things. When he’s not on stage he’s down and struggling but instead of taking that with him into the rest of his life he created this stage. This stage is his escape from the negative thoughts, the stage has his friends who he has fun with, it has the music he loves and het gets to move around and indulge himself in his passions. The actual stage is where he is happiest and I feel like he created another layer of stage where he is kind of inbetween the way he is when he is dancing and the way he is when he’s caught up in negative thoughts. This metaphorical stage gives him the opportunity to enjoy life without the worries ruining the happy moments.

Next up is our Haknyeon, he said ‘Make your own romance.’, here’s his identity film.

The thing I love and admire most about Haknyeon is his confidence. This is something I noticed about him back when I saw him on Produce 101 and something that’s still very clear now. In the identity film he talks about how he has a hard time reading the room and considering everyone who’s there before speaking. This leads to miscommunications or annoyances that weren’t necessary. It must be so frustrating to him, trying his best but others misunderstanding him and taking his honesty the wrong way. Maybe he feels dilemma’s about being himself or giving that up in favor of the group. With ‘Make your own romance.’ my first idea was that he meant self-love. While others don’t always understand him, he has himself and he knows his worth. Even when others disagree or don’t see it, he knows that he’s a warmhearted and loving person. He’s proud of who he is and wants to show us that just because other don’t see it or disagree, doesn’t mean your romance and idealism aren’t there.

I loved Kevin’s part, he said ‘Make your own fantasy.’, here’s his identity film.

I could talk for HOURS about Kevin’s identity film. The first time I watched it I cried because of how much I related and how much I’ve struggled with the same things. How I see it, fantasy has two meanings here. First up the whole Peter Pan theme is a clear reference to Kevin wanting to always be a kid at heart no matter how old he gets. This also relates to the fantasy as in having a wide imagination to build that fantasy on. The second meaning I think is about the creating of the fantasy. He’s a social chameleon so he acts different based on the people he’s with to the point where he sometimes loses track of who he really is. To me (as someone who has a similar problem) making your own fantasy stands for taking control over your life and your image of yourself. It’s not about finding who you are but about creating who you are. Kevin has a very clear image of who and where he wants to be but struggles with questioning himself and pretty much everything. Make your own fantasy is a statement that focusses on taking back the reigns and making your own fantasy instead of it staying a fantasy. 

Moving on to Sunwoo who said ‘Make your own vibe.’, here’s his identity film.

Another one which, to me, seems to encapsulate a lot of different meanings. Sunwoo is one of the moodmakers in the group and tends to stand out pretty quickly to newer fans. His personality is something I personally haven’t seen often in kpop. He’s a mix between cute and playful while also being mature and intriguing, so his vibes are pretty unique. In the identity film he mentions how much he compares himself to others and how he has a hard time accepting that he’s not where he expected to be. He doesn’t give any names but I think it’s safe to say he means other idolgroups with bigger fanbases or different concepts. With ‘Make your own vibe.’ I feel like he’s focusing less on the comparison with others and more about what makes him unique and how he can use it to his advantage. Instead of running after others he makes his own path for people to follow. I’ve noticed how he seems to feel more and more comfortable being himself on camera. He seems happier and more at ease, like he doesn’t feel pressured to keep up that tough rapper persona anymore. Now that unique vibe really shines through and I hope ‘Make your own vibe.’ means that he’s aware of how special he is and how much potential he has to work with.