#but in my dreams it's alwys the same

[rose-tinted-nostalgia]

it stings. all of it. 

[healingsht]

To you as always and never

Letter to whoever i was beforehand Hi i am the future and I am the unfazed the version of you you always wanted to be and would never find the time to build around it I will change and grow according to my surroundings and still remember everything as I have for all of my life I live as an inprint in the world that will only record and not erase and yet here I am now not feeling hurt or tormented when I think about my life and everything I have lived Here is to this new achievement and to more than there is place to ever remember as I live to one day forget that pain exist I will live until the achievement list I have is so long you can't remember all I live as an inprint as I have been shoved into the earth as a tool used to help the others I live as an imprint as an ever learning person and a forever evolving mind I live as both me and past me I am nt of the same fabric as I see everyone else being made of Yet i have met poeple whp don't change for others who are so different that every emotion and thought might as well been already thought from them and delivered to everyone as a gift I dunnot see myself as such high esteems Yet I try to strive and better the person that I was so that I can one day be proud of my past not because of all the pain but because of all the lessons I bet I could sit here and time till my flesh mitens turn into bones and still have a new way to see everything in my life I wish I was that advanced earlier but isn't that what growing up is all about ? I live as an inprint as someone who will remember not for the sake of being better but or the sake of having history to tell I still strive to be the best and be my way everyday as you are/were/will I still strive to learn collorss and be as beautifull as the mark you left in the senseless room that is my head It has grown since the last time you checked you should visit Maybe we will see each others maybe we were  just meant to be oposite and be perfect together I can't be you as you can't be me yet we could understand the feeling of everything we experience and live as to experience more but it isn't that we just move in a way that is unique and you/me/we/all are intertwined by these string you seem to use so joyfully I get stuck as always and at somepoint thing of another dimension to see myself that would be better and won't be the worst of myself or the best Just an ever changing person stuckin the spiders seeing another way i am not yet entangled with memories that define and became me I don't remember the old me as i can't remember something that wasn't part of this whole world vision I have right now and I hope I will be sharing it one day with you and pass it along wishing it would be made even better that it really is or just rtemembered as a vision to see faults and wrong through I am here and I live, not doing anything about it but still managing to try and control every inch that goes my way as so do you we have evolved together and I hope that we forever live in that dream like state I feel myself now As if everything was alwready thought and taught and we were to just act along a silly play to just remember and be together as forever But i am not really changing as I only try to see the best of my dimentions but know I am unangled And you are only thoughts and maybe prayers that the old you wished but you alwys are on time because present is all you are and all you will be You are inprented in my mind in may ways thought I can see that even though you don't show it everything can still be here but you will always stay in change never stop the cadance at which you walk along a path made from memories to everything you wish for the time being you will ever be all as you will ever be no one just as I will always remember you as a part of me and hope for the feeling to be the same your way knowing it isn't always knowing it isn't ever knowing I will always see things as an inprint that stops me and forces me to see different and you will continue to see it as pavement to walk on and forget about I just hope that the old me will always become a part of your everything and nothng that makes you so colorfull we both live as embodiment of both what we need and wish to be, as past present and future, as a light that can only travel further and never fade for ever I think what we had was unique and what we will have i hope will be too As i will continue to get stopped and have that broken cadance as you will continue to walk forward as if stoping is death for everything I hope my being will be on par with yours as we grow and mecome the one our responsabilities will make of us and what we will let them make of us I hope you have a great day/month/year/life/vision as you walk in what seems to be creating of the colors I can enjoy and see

[hermioneismyrealname]

i'm turning 20 next year. Just brill. I'm bieng sarcastic becuase I am scared. So, next year, i will promise myself to worry less and do more about that worry instead. Worry about my exam? Study so that i can be confident looking at the paper. Worried about money? Save money every month from my allowances by being as tight as i can. Heck, I promised myself that i would get into copywriting. (maybe even go onto wattpad to write a story even if it might make me vomit 3 times a week). Worried about my mentla health? Oh yeah. This one is tricky. Like my current favourite blorbo, Team Teerayu Siriyothin from the series 'Between Us', i lose sleep. Not the same dreams but yes, memories that leave me clawing at my neck and arm.

But if 2022 has taught me anything, it's that people are there for me. I may not be able to afford therapy but i have friends i can talk to. I dont trauma dump on those who can't handle it but for them to just know about my problems is enough. Now that i'm able to not give a shit about hiding my nerdy geeky self, i can be on tumblr openly now. I can write more. I can express myself now that I'm away from my family now. I love them but yeah. I talk to my friends online and i have my college friends now.

So, instead of worrying how bad my mental health is, I can focus on the good and face the bad knowing i can overcome it as i alwys do. if i look at two versions of myself, one from 2017 and one from 2012... i would tell 2017 me that it's alright to feel like shit. You just lost a friend but you dont have to be guilty. You dont have to feel like a dangerous weapon, you are still capable of kindness despite what training you went through. For 2012 me, i would give that little girl a hug and apologize but show her how far we've come. but i would tell the both of them, i'm alive and smiling more. i lost a lot of people in 2022, 6 to be exact... but if i were to die of sadness becuase of their deaths, i know they would slap the living shit out of my in the afterlife. I have the strength to face life, but i know i dont have to do it alone.

Oh, and i met a cute boy this year and we're still talking so that's a plus. so far, he can handle my fangirling. so yeah.

2023. Bring it on, i've got a shit ton of anime and drama series to cope MUAHAHAAHAH!

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Six Sentence Sunday!

Thank you to @carryonsimoncarryon for tagging me, even tho I haven’t posted anything in months haha, But I finally have something to post! Bit by bit, I’ve been working on a snowbaz Being Erica AU, which essentually boils down to “Simon is in time travel therapy and meets Baz in the past, hijinks ensue.” Here’s a bit of the opening scene where Simon gets to be happy, LIKE HE DESERVES!

--------------------------------

You know that guy who’s got it all? A perfect job, a perfect partner, wonderful family, a life that people are secretly jealous of? You know that guy, everyone knows that guy. Unfortunately, I am not that guy.

My name is Simon Snow, and I’m a fuck up. But I’m getting better.

“Mr. Snow, Mr. Snow!” Cassidy shouts, waving her hand, “I know the answer!”

“Cass,” I say, “what did we say about inside voices?”

She pouts and crosses her arms. “Keep the volume down for all those around.”

“Exactly. Now, try again.” Cassidy raises her arm with no added sound effects. I point my chalk at her. “Cassidy, what’s the answer?”

She puts her hand down, grinning wide. “It’s 42.”

I hold my hand out to her. “Nice job, Cassy, right on the money.”

She gives me a big high five. The feeling of accomplishment surges through me. God, I love this job. My old customer service work made me feel dead inside. Day in, day out, same old fucking garbage from garbage customers. Now I get to see a little girl smile, and I helped her smile. Yeah, little self centred, but I’ll take it.

“Patrick,” I say, “can you tell me how we can find 8 times 4?”

Patrick nods and starts rattling off the technique he’s come up with. It’s a bit odd and round about but all his. That’s what I love about kids, the strange and unique things their little minds come up with. It’s why I wanted to be a teacher in the first place, before I lost my way. I’m so happy to be finding it again,

--------------------------------

I will alwys love enthusiastic Teacher!Simon who loves helping kids the way no one helped him for a long time. Dw, there’s snowbaz later of course. Hopedully I don’t get stuck again. Here’s some peeps I know write. Do it if you want!

Tags: @carryonmylovelies @the-lincyclopedia @all-my-dreams-and-ambitions @msprettyweird @bazzybelle (I’ve been so unplugged from the fandom lately so anyone who writes is free to do this <3)

[theheaterishotjournals]

10/25/2020

Took me awhile to realize it but yep. I am. Depressed. Feeling numb. Don’t feel joy, don’t feel sad, hobbies aren’t doing it for me, no motivation to do them, awful sleep patterns. No motivation to work out or right or. 

Damn was it not just last week I wrote about how working out felt great? And now I’m like, “Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh.” 

SIGHHHHHH.

23rd - Daniel and I ate fast food. Watched baseball. I was depressed. Our bed broke so Daniel and I have been sleeping in the office, which is a dream come true. I love sleeping on a futon. It was rough for us to get used to ‘cause... It made me realize what a big butt I have. Like. Lying on my back, my butt is like, “Let me fuck up your spine.” I definitely need a mattress as much as I enjoy a futon on the floor. Sob. Stupid thick body of mine. Why can’t I be those Asian goddesses who are perfect in every way?! 

24th - More depression. Avoid talking to friends. Don’t even want to play video games. Just drown myself in puzzles. Reading manga ain’t doing it for me. Puzzles weren’t doing it for me. Even though I talked to Alex about how crosswords made me happy. I talked to Alex a lot that day, actually! I was trying not to but I was having fun so we just kept talking. Fuck. She was talking about weighing herself and losing weight and it made me feel like a fat fuck. Even though I’m happy for her and it made me motivated! I was also like, christ I’m fat. But sometimes I’m fine with my weight ‘cause minorities dig the thickness? And I’m mostly healthy?? So why do I wanna lose weight? To fit the Asian ideal even though I’m not interested in wooing an Asian?? To show my family up? It just makes me seem like I don’t have a good reason to lose weight.

Honestly. I like working out just ‘cause I feel good but definitely, in the back of my mind, I wanna lose weight. And none of them are for good reasons. It’s weird. I’m also very, “Fuck my family.” But at the same time there’s a lot that’s like, I want to impress them. It’s very. Contradictory. If I try to see what I want though... My self. It’s to tell them to fuck off. I don’t want their approval and I don’t need it. 

So what is this part that wants their approval? Hm. 

25th - Daniel and I fell asleep so I doubt I’ll go to bed in time and I will fuck myself for work this week with the lack of sleep and thus get more depressed. At least it’s cooling down. Daniel made a tasty dinner. WE went to the grocery store and it was HELL. I’m never doing errands on a weekend ever again! We were supposed to go to Ikea to fix the bed but took a nap instead. I love naps. 

A part of me is like. Wow. Wish I could stay up forever and do project.s THen another part is like, dude. Sleeping is so fun. As Bomb the music industry says, do i have to wait til I die before I get a good night’s sleep? 

Daniel made steak and garlic mashed potatoes and I was depressed. 

But! I realized I was depressed (finally) and decided to journal ‘cause I know it helps and... I wish I could be more consistent. With the journaling and the meditation and working out every day. BUt I gotta change that perspective. Instead of being mad about the days I missed, I gotta be proud of the days I managed to do it. So I did it! Just the journaling so far today but that’s more than not doing anything! Yeah yeah! 

On another note, feeling more and more disconnected from the youth of today. In a good way. I should think about having kids soon but I’m still like... ehhhhhhhh. BUt I’m at that age where any older and I will fuck myself over. 

Ehhhhhhhhhh.

Oh yeah. I did try to draw today. But instead it just didn’t come out well ‘cause I wasn’t feeling it and I stopped and I just. 

Dude. Depression SUCKS. BOY HOWDY DOES IT SUCK. 

SELF LOVE TIME BABY

I am mindful of the ways my body causes me shame, embarrassment, or unhappiness. How often do I focus on what I hate about my body? How can I show my body more compassion? Today I will write a letter of love and gratitude to my body. 

Um. Wow. Ok. I don’t read the prompts ahead of time so can I just way? Wow? Kismet?? Could this be any more fated? Damn. 

Ok, ok. 

Dear Body, 

Honestly. You’ve been a prince among men. I know I fucked you over in college when I didn’t eat for 3 days causing a sudden weight gain when you were like, “Wow, we really gotta store fat ‘cause where are you living??” So you’re just trying to watch out for me. And y’know, it has worked. There are some days I’m just too depressed to eat and the fat stores kept me alive. 

You go along with me when I work out and you’ve been building muscles. Sorry I don’t take better care of you. But after reading so much Cells at Work, I worry about all the infections and shit. I hope you keep doing well. I’ve been very healthy and happy so far. I can’t run a marathon, but I can run around. I can hike. Thanks to you. Especially during the pandemic. 

Sorry I fucked up our teeth too but they’re doing pretty well, all things considered. Also, we’re lucky about the lack of acne problems, eh? That alwys seemed like such a pain in the ass. Also, brain, you’re sorta fucked up but ain’t your fault. 

I’ll try to take care of us better. 

-Vi

[hannybstudies]

Hey. I am an incoming university student (fall of 2020) and can't go to the university of my dreams because of money. it's one of the top universities and i would have the grades to get in but we just can't afford it right now unless I want to spend every day for the next year working next to school, travelling and all my health issues (will probably have to wait for my masters before I can go there so I can pay). The thing is, now I have to go to a uni in my home country. Part 1 of 2

It is not a bad school, there are extracurriculeurs, the school offers good classes. But I feel that if I do not go to the top school, it will take away from my worth, it will make me feel or appear less intelligent because i didn’t go to a top school. I feel like I will have nothing that I am good at anythinanymore (have already been struggling cause of mental health)and that people will judge, not like me.i don’t want to do anything I regret, but I also can’t make money appear part 2 of three

Could you offer me some advice or how you would see the situation. I really need someone to talk to and I have no friends around. I’m really struggling to keep up with everything. I know grades don’t define intelligence, but a big part of me was alwys how quick i was to connect concept and use that to help others and i feel like that will be taken away from me if i dont go to this uni, that no one will see my potential and ill be average. I could just really use some advice. thanks for listening

I apologize for writing again, but the other problem is just that I want to enjoy myself and college and don’t know if i am mentally stable to work all the time. but at the same time i really want to go to this uni because im afraid i dont have a future if i dont.

oh, honey

did you know that 69.7 percent of people enroll in college? and only 58 percent of those people graduate within six years? my point here is…going to college AT ALL is a huge feat and should be celebrated! no matter where you go, graduating college is something to shout about!!

also, I have never ever ever judged a professional on where they earned their undergraduate degree. I have never looked at the degrees hanging in the offices of my doctors, therapists, dentists, etc. I just notice that they HAVE a degree, ya know? and maybe this is different for others but personally, I don’t even regard how “nice” their school was/is.

you have VALUE. as a HUMAN BEING. you said it yourself: you are quick to connect concepts and use that talent to help others! that is a huge personality trait to be proud of!! and I am sure that you will do great in school. don’t let the specifics drag you down!

if you are truly worried about it, then I suggest attending uni in your home country. use that time to save some money and set your sights on a master’s program that you really want to attend!

[fuck-lucille-blog]

time stops no one

ths was a mere month ago, all frsh 2 memory. im only 15, he's older thn me, 17; we've been dating 4 almost a yr, we'd been talking for two. i knew he had only wnted me 4 sex, but i alwys look at th better in ppl. dumb. he had alwys been so gentle w me, holding my hnd, giving me kisses on th forehead, doing anythng he could 2 make me feel ok; knowing how mny times other ppl hav taken contrl of my oblivious nature. we were laying in his bed cuddling, spooning more so; i didnt evn see it cming. i thought he ws j giving me kisses like normal, until he started going othr places. i kept pulling awy, stiffening, whimpering "no". but somewhere in time made him believe those were signs of consent, as he continued with wht he wnted frm me. i did evrything i could until he pulled me on him and forced upon my fragile body whtevr he pleased. using his size against mine, knowing tht my 117 lb 5'0 helpless self would give up under his 5'8 power. he continued until he ws done and left me there on his bed, bleeding, shaking, shocked. i tell him wht i felt and he doesnt think he did anything wrong and i wsnt clear. am i being dramatic? was it not obvious? i still sleep in tht same bed, with tht same boy. reliving the memory evrytime i wlk in tht room. i wish i ws dreaming.

[gyahyahyahayhahayahyahyahyahyaha]

dreams where im in school make me wanna kill myself fr. like im never goin back i never wanna go back. theres alwys some fucked up shit going on. and in these kinda dreams it always feels exactly like how it felt to be there back then.and then i wake up and think wow that fucking  sucked. and then i think about how much high school sucked. also like having someone come up to me and ask me to teach them what it means to be alive is like scary. what the fuck . a good portion of my worst dreams ever have been school related. in this one nothing particularly bad happened this time but, like i said. it FELT the same as it used to be. i guess the one thing i can name that would even set off this kinda dream was that same day i had gotten to the part of the new war quest where they’re showing u what it was like living on the zariman with the part that quizes you lol. anwyays in my dream i remember we were waiting for a shipment of books or smth.  i was in the veryh corner of the room. farthest from the windows. it felt like the walls surrounding me woudl go on forever. alls i could think about was how slow my blood was moving. how stiff my bones were. how unmalleable my skin was. alls i could thinkg to do is just move whatever parts of my body as much as i can. by the time the shipment arrived, everyone was waiting in this empty hilly field. actually it was like a hilly field like inside a cave system. .......kind of similar to charlie and the chocolate faactory,  but it was all real grass n rocks and rock formations and a few lamps each with a bright, strong, golden glow. i tried doing some stretches to just. be able to handle moving the shipment of books. i figured id ease into it as much as possible becauase i could barely move. i was tryna do the lunge pose with my hands behind or above my head. i felt someones foot tap mine that was extended outwards, while some other ppl were telling me to chill out and just get ready (even tho thats exactly what i was tryna do. it was kinda working ig.. i could feel the freedom of movement slowly returning to my body as i was bracing myself for the incoming shipment of books)... they just walked up to me and hit my foot like as if i was something blocking their way. i wanted to ignore whoever it was. i didnt want to acknowledge it. i didnt want to turn around and see who it was. i knew they were going to ask ME something. there were those 3 or 4 other ppl standing around me who were mostly talking amongst themselves but occasionally getting on my case about me stretching. they were being annoying so i guess i decided it was better to see what the person behind me wanted rather than the ones in front of me. i  slowly stood back up and turned to look at them and they asked me to tell them what it meant to be alive. the question shook my to my core. i felt like crying instantly. i think i woke up then so i spent the next lil while just lying there in my bed, tryna figure out how id even answer that question. and why they were askign me. why i even had a dream like this in the first place. it pissed me off and it scared me. i hate it. i hate it so much.

[foreteller-vana]

You have a Kingdom Hearts oc?

Hello Sweetheart !

I actually have a few :p

I even have 3 that are at the corner of the trashcan because Dark Road and what will arrive next will decide of their fate

• My self-insert ; Mikealys Ael

I totally play on the meta and multiverse with this to make it that this is me going in the KH Universe... which makes me excited but scared for what will come in the Canon because all my universe building I'm doing since 2002 can be difficult to do by the new rules Nomura is making

At some point in the timeline, between KH2 and Re:Coded (around 5 years) I created the Paopu trio in my Imaginative Universe, so the age gap is still the same with Riku, he's 2 years older than me

I have a Keybade, but stopped using it to focus more on Darkness (considering myself as "half heartless") and am learning to use it back since 3D to résume very very fast

I have this self-insert since 2002 (okay, maybe actually 2004 but hush, I'm fan since 2002) so you can imagine that the story is quite long

• Foreteller Vana ;

They are the avatar of this blog and over @imagine-your-kh !

They are technically not an oc, but I did think of a bit of lore around them ; this is my self-insert who "turned bad" and doesn't bend themself to do whatever they want and break the Canon... Basically, an OP Mary/Gary-sue

Since the Foretellers play on the Deadly Sins, I searched if there was a secret one or something and there is "vanagloria" (vainglory). When the Deadly Sins as been reworked, they judged that vanity was the same as pride and mixed them sooo... here we are

• Kaly Alwis

She is the older sister of Kairi and daughter of Ansem the Wise

My friend and I have the HC that Kairi is Ansem daughter, which explains why she was in the Castle in KH1, be a Princess of Heart but... Then why would Ansem not acknowledge Kairi ?

We (well, I) created Kaly, explaining that Ansem was focusing all his hope and dream on someone else.

Kaly is a lovely young woman who tries to please her father, even if that means she isn't herself. Dilan and Aeleus are her best buddies and Braig was/is her nanny. She is the perfect little princess for Ansem, but her true personality is actually a reckless tomboy who loves playing in the mud. She cares immensely for her people, want to rule Radiant Garden later better and took care of Kairi (and Ienzo) when she could. It ended by Kairi , mother (a maid) and grandmother outside of the castle because Kaly wasn't paying enouhg attention to her studies anymore.

When this world ended in the Darkness, Kaly ran outside of the castle to try to search for Kairi and save her. Her will to protect Kairi made it possible for her to turn into a Nobody when she fell for the Darkness.

From there she found one of her boys who took her to the Organization, where Xigbar found her and drag her in front of Xemnas who found it amusing to have the precious daughter of Ansem the Wise playing the handywoman of the Organization

And I stop here to not ramble more :p

Yno ;

He is my "master", who tough me how to use Darkness (and corrupted me more). If you thought "Ansem" and Riku had a toxic relationship, you saw nothing (ha, that tool to hurt yourself even in your own imagination because you hate yourself, what a period dark of my life)

His background is huh... complex and needs to be reworked a bit

There are also ;

Yane, Nehaki and Minimi, some Darkness/Heartless creatures bounded to my self-insert

Aela, the lover of Yno in "another life"

I think that's all─

[prettylittlecostumers]

Moody Monday: Top 5 Upcoming (and just released) Sci-Fi and Fantasy Books On My Radar.

 One does not simply read too many books. I simply don’t function without one (or ten) good books on my nightstand. The day I’m able to replace all my furniture for piles of books I’ll have reached a lifetime goal.

Above: Me, with my books. Mine. My own. Hoarding much? (Meme source: quickmeme.com)

No, seriously, reading opens a window into such wonderful places for me. It’s like flying.  And depending on how long it’s been since you guys first bumped into my ramblings, you have probably guessed by now that Fantasy (along with history) is my thing.

So I’m alwys watching for new releases, and so far, these are the upcoming (or just released) sci-fi and fantasy books that I wanna get my hands on. There were many releases that are part of longer series, but those would get the post very confusing and I wanted to keep things simple. So, for this list I focused on solo novels or first chapters only. Here we go:

Top 5 Sci-Fi and Fantasy novels I wanna read right now:

5 - The Poppy War by R. F. Kuang

From Amazon: “When Rin aced the Keju—the Empire-wide test to find the most talented youth to learn at the Academies—it was a shock to everyone: to the test officials, who couldn’t believe a war orphan from Rooster Province could pass without cheating; to Rin’s guardians, who believed they’d finally be able to marry her off and further their criminal enterprise; and to Rin herself, who realized she was finally free of the servitude and despair that had made up her daily existence. That she got into Sinegard—the most elite military school in Nikan—was even more surprising.But surprises aren’t always good.Because being a dark-skinned peasant girl from the south is not an easy thing at Sinegard. Targeted from the outset by rival classmates for her color, poverty, and gender, Rin discovers she possesses a lethal, unearthly power—an aptitude for the nearly-mythical art of shamanism. Exploring the depths of her gift with the help of a seemingly insane teacher and psychoactive substances, Rin learns that gods long thought dead are very much alive—and that mastering control over those powers could mean more than just surviving school.”

R.F.Kuang’s Chinese fantasy epic sounds very interesting. My kind of Fantasy is the one that has history in the mix, and her approach to the Opium Wars and Turn of the Century China mixes nowadays dilemmas - like bullying - with shamanism and traditional Chinese culture that is still largely unexplored in western literature. I can’t wait to dive into this one!

4 - Semiosis by Sue Burke

From Amazon: “Colonists from Earth wanted the perfect home, but they’ll have to survive on the one they found. They don’t realize another life form watches...and waits... Only mutual communication can forge an alliance with the planet's sentient species and prove that humans are more than tools.“

Again, Amazon’s description falls short of what I’ve heard. I’m fascinated with languages and linguistics. I’m a Tolkien fan right? What drives me to this “Lost in Space” type of story is exactly the part that language has to play in it. But I can’t say more until I actually read it...

3 - The Feed by Nick Clark Windo.

From Nerd Much?:  “What would happen if every thought, emotion, and idea were instantaneously shared through a massive international network? What would a global society built upon this look like? And what would happen if this network vanished?That is exactly what happens in Nick Clark Windo’s close-to-home sci-fi, The Feed. Kate and Tom had kept their use of the Feed to a minimum while it existed — but when their six-year-old daughter vanishes in a world suddenly disconnected, they must use whatever means and resources they can to find her. The world is filled with disease and danger overnight, and people change when their lives are changed in such a fundamental way. Don’t miss out on this terrifying, near-future sci-fi tale of family, humanity, and massive change.”

Well, this is just my cup of tea. I think considering Cambridge Analytica, and all the Facebook data collecting fiasco (which gave the world the most dangerously spoiled manchild to ever sit in such a high position of power, among many other Alt-right “gifts” around the globe), “The Feed might just be the most relevant book released in 2018. That’s it for my preview. I’ll tell you more when I read it.

2 - The Only Harmless Great Thing by Brooke Bolander.

From Amazon: “The Only Harmless Great Thing is a heart-wrenching alternative history by Brooke Bolander that imagines an intersection between the Radium Girls and noble, sentient elephants.In the early years of the 20th century, a group of female factory workers in Newark, New Jersey slowly died of radiation poisoning. Around the same time, an Indian elephant was deliberately put to death by electricity in Coney Island. These are the facts.Now these two tragedies are intertwined in a dark alternate history of rage, radioactivity, and injustice crying out to be righted. Prepare yourself for a wrenching journey that crosses eras, chronicling histories of cruelty both grand and petty in search of meaning and justice”.

From what I’ve heard so far, Amazon’s description doesn’t do this masterpiece justice. Bolander mixed Alt-history (the Radium Girls) with fantasy (The elephant culture) to weave a powerful female narrative. I know I’ll suffer, I’ll cry, I’ll be furious, and I can’t wait. It’s our knowledge, our struggle, our thirst for change after all.

1 - The Fall of Gondolin by Christopher Tolkien (Ed.)

I’ve been waiting and hoping for this one since “The Children of Húrin” came out! The Fall of Gondolin is one of the most compelling narratives within “The Silmarillion“. Morgoth and Ulmo, the Lord of Waters, stand against each other through Tuor, Ulmo’s chosen messenger, and king Turgon’s pride. The tragic downfall of Turgon’s dream-like hidden city deserved this closer look and I will be suffering ‘till my copy arrives! August 30th can’t come soon enough! Here’s a lil something to help pass the time ‘till then... Blind Guardian’s own retelling of the Fall of Gondolin aka “Mirror Mirror”.

[simsforeveryoung]

Gen 4 Part 15: Two Dynasties Both Alike In Dignity

In the village of Henford-on-Bagley, there lived a reluctant heiress.

Rashidah Watson wants more from her life among the livestock in this quaint, idyllic village. Although her father's family owns the town, she has no desire to inherit it.

Rashidah had heard of the Young legacy: famous arts advocate Cali <3, daughter of famous party girl Mimi Landgraab Caliente Young. According to the rumours, Cali turned down the Newcrest crown to create a dazzling life for herself in San Myshuno. Perhaps it was part of Rashidah's reason for attending private school in this particular district.

But she was just as surprised as anyone when her classmate, Ever Young, invited her to the Love Day School Party.

They have the whole family dynasty thing in common, yes. But Rashidah also has this is-it-or-isn't-it thing with the local delivery boy. But the postie didn't invite her to a Love Day party, did he?

She says yes to Ever's last-minute invite. They get cookies and punch, and make small talk around the music. Rashidah likes romantic music. Just not pop. Especially tween pop. YUCK. heh.

It's an awkward school thing, but she nonetheless warms up to him. He walks her to the bus stop, and she's about to say actually she wants to stay in the city a little longer when --

"Ever?" It's Cierra, Ever's friend from primary school. "I haven't seen you in...forever! We should catch up!"

"Well hey, I'm free now. Wanna go for karaoke? The bar has a Love Day sale on drinks."

Uh I guess that's it for Rashidah.

As Cierra and Ever walk across town to the Honey Pop, Ever realises how stupid he's been. He asked out a girl on LOVE DAY. That means it's a date! And he asked her out in front of HIS ACTUAL DATE. uhhhh

But he's also kind of enjoying himself. He feels cool and grown up, ordering drinks for the group.

But also... he's not grown up.

And Cierra is.

"So you're a Young Adult."

"Yeah, so? Aren't you?"

"No....I thought we were the same age!"

"Oh I literally just aged up." (Literally. Like, as soon as the date started.)

"Cool."

Double stupid.

Back home, Cali has done it at last! She has sold her final painting to buy her final painting to complete her 100K home gallery wall to support the arts!

It's a joyous day - in fact, it is Hadley's Day! The holiday in memory of the founder of the Young Legacy: mischievous, playful Hadley Young.

Hadley... Cali remembers what this legacy is all about. While Mimi devoted her life to Newcrest and Cali devoted hers to the San Myshuno arts community, her family history began with a simple desire to have a loving family. Sure, Mina's generation went down a certain criminal path that got riches and land-grabbing into the mix, but the point is family!

Cali is determined to spend the rest of her days with her family, raising her wee daughter Alwys, always. With some help from immortal Nanny Valentin of course.

Ever texts Rashidah. u still here? i screwed up!!

Rashidah had decided to stay in the Arts Quarter, not for no man, but to turn the evening around for herself. But she is a hopeless romantic, and will not turn down a Boy With Luv if one happens to come begging.

They talk about their dreams. "I'm gonna get out of here soon," says Ever, "and go to the BIG city. To really make it as an Actor, there's only one place to be." Wow, Ever grew up in one city and wants to move to an even BIGGER one? Rashidah is entranced.

The future is near. Ever ages up (...just not in time for that date with Cierra), and guess what? Evil Mina's genes have surfaced. Ever is an Outgoing Evil Genius, with a practical Nerd Brain aspiration, and a laser sharp focus on being a world famous Actor. He's willing to do what it takes. There's no stopping him.

As per Hadley Day tradition, everyone's out streaking in the Arts Quarter. Ah, Hadley loved streaking.

"Thanks mom," says Ever, "for surrounding my childhood with art. I'm ready to go make my own now."

Cali's work is done.

But Ever has only just begun. And he's willing to do whatever it takes.

TO BE CONTINUED...

...IN GENERATION 5

[stillwooozy]

tw rape ig but no one reads this diary blog

But does anyone else.... FORGET they were raped? Like not repressed trauma/memories (i... really dont believe that to say the least.....) but just..... i push it so far away that something ovious needs to push the knowledge forward

ive been in some shitty sitautions jfc. the only reason i can type this rn is cuz im numb cuz if drugs

Anyways i was raped twice and almost raped once. well once i dont remmeber cuz i was drugged but ik i was raped. and like ... it sucks man. It really does. i acknowledge those experiences probably fucked me up more than i give them credit. A part of me does blme myself tho, which ofc isnt “right” but i cant help it. I put myself into dangerous situations knowing the full possibilties. I liked the thrill. It added excitement and made me feel imporant when i felt if everyone hated me

Like no one knows. I feel like no one understands. My choices led to my experiences, and its just humiliating. Idk why im thinking of this now

No i know. Its cuz im hypersexual and asexual at the same time. And i have no more close friends. Im lonely. And i cant keep relationships.

I feel like my experience/life is normal. And the sad part is i think it is.

I hold 0 spite towards # me-too to clarify. I dont even want ppl to address men rape cuz gay men are villianized like taht. Countless times gay men, gay fucking boys, are “canceled” for bullshit they never did cuz straight ppl are so afraid of gay guys. But its not being gay that is the problem. Its just so many men. Its a society taht treats mentally ill like trash& has a toddlers understanding of consent. Cuz to truly value consent... u have to go against a lot of the status quo

Im just angry at my younger self. Why did i purposefully put myself in danger? I know why. Its just gonna hurt for a while. Been years now .

No.. it doesnt hurt it just negatively impacts me.

And i cant fcking speak about

Or tecnically i can but come on. I am surrounded by emough shame and humilitation around me. Im mentally fucked and king of bad decisions. Even therapists get weirded out. Even good ones. Not weirded out, just.... unable to address it.

I can understand genocide more than rape. Like actual rape. Like i was held at knife point. Wish i was making up some fun story. Who tf gets pleasure from that?????? Just sign up on fetlife and find a partner and roleplay. U dont need to ruin a 16 yr old boy and take away his dignity. I hate it. There are si many other power games to play???

I like.. just push the mmeory away. I walk by the gay bar where i happened in the bathroom for the first time and i barely flinch. I pretend it was a dream ya know, like hahah so pathetic of me. Having my drink spiked was better. it was just so horrible waking up the next day in a strange apartment and the man was like... nonchallent. He didnt say ANYTGHING and it delt like i was in a horror movie cuz he coukd if killed me, he could of done snuthing, i hate jo idea what haooened ro my body and i just left. Snd somethimes i think i see him but ik its not i just can barely remmeber his face and who the FUCK does that ????? But mayeb i flirted too kuch: but why did he do that? I orobably wouldnof rucked him if he just asked. Idk. The last time i was like 17 Or 18? Idk actually i dont think younger but not odler thna 19, but i actually fought back and then just fcking ran. He had a knife tho and now i had one too and thats the moral why i alwYs have a swiss army knife in my backoack.

Its jdut fucked io, right? I mean ppl have it worse. I couldnt imagine getting abused or raped by like.... ur uncle as a CHILD. Idk.

Im sad rn. How can i be sad on so many happy pills? For some reason i feel extra disgusting cuz its been so long since anyone could use me. I dont like being used and at this point i am DONE with sex i just like attention. And letting someone fuck me is great attenrion. And man, fuck fetish jate, i love ppl w:l/ fetishes becasue its way more rhan shoving their musty dick in me. I dont have a foot fetish in the slightest - but u wany to massga emy feet and suck my toes? Go to town boy

I miss my ex. We didnt talk about this much hut thats my oroblem. She had no sinilar experience but she is very emoathetic and i trust her. Like she didnt make me feel weak or pathetic when i disclosed it ya know. I just said “i have had some unconseual sex experiences and they rly never come into play but i’ll lyk if they do” and shes was just like “omg lets talk about it when ur ready, no pressure, idk why u didnt tell me earlier but im so sorry” and it made me nut just feeling ~validated~ like that.

Well im gling to sleep. Enjoy ky tangenr. I cant type jfc thays a bad sign but hey!!!! If i dont remember writinh this, it will still exist, and i can read it weeks later and go “damn. I rly was numb yhay night if i was able to so chillly talk about some of the worst events if my life”

[kenjkats]

I'm not sure yet. I just know what major I'm going in with. There are quite a few jobs that can ve done with that type of degree though, and it's not a job that can be replaced. There will always be a need for people who can fix computers. Right now, as a 17 year old, I just want a job that pays so I can pay for college. But the college I'm going to has work study jobs, so that you can learn more about what you'll be doing in the future and get paid, so that's good. -Kenzi

Thats true and yay for having things figured out. I had the same mindset regarding money when i chose graphic design. I initially wanted to write and then illustrate (so my first major was creative writing which i finished but never used, and halfway through it i picked up graphic design) and GD was art related enough but paid better and more consistently than actual illustration. I figured get paid first then i could do the dream stuff. Thats cool w the seeing what your future job would entail. Wish we had those before college started. Wouldve avoided wasting tike "trying" things while undecided lol. You have a job youd like to do for you or are you just the type of person who sees work as a means for just money? (Not that thats wrong, people have their dreams placed in different parts of life and its not alwys career)

[alice-chan-chan]

onelovelysin replied to your photoset “haven’t posted him for a while…”

Mmm I alwYs wanted to have a Chuuya bjd custom made for me! Where did you get him? He is stunning!

Aku’s head (as well as Gin’s head, which I have too) is sculpted by DS Doll company, which is in fact just one person - @balagur73-blog. This talented sculptor only makes doll heads now, so I had to buy the bodies for my dolls separately (a Popodoll body for Ryu, an Angel of Dream body for Gin).

By the way, both Ryu and his sister are the same mold (doll’s model), which is called Ghost, but with different custom modifications. Ryu’s number was 1, while Gin has no number since her head was ordered in a free choice order (meaning, there were not only Ghosts, but other heads available for order, too).

I wouldn’t mind having a Chuuya doll too, but I haven’t seen any molds that seemed good enough for me. And finding a proper body for Chuuya would be a pain in the neck too, since he’s smol but not subtle, a rare case... x)

Let’s hope that one day Marina will create a BJD looking exactly like Chuuya. :) That would be just great!

[imaginedanganronpa]

NDRV3 girls with a childhood friend s/o that got stuck in the killing game along with them. How would they react? I honestly think the whole thing is virtual reality just like SDR2, but that's just what I think. Who knows. Anyways I love seeing how many Danganronpa blogs there are and just reading what they have written makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. >///

Well, I’m not giving any spoilers so my lips are sealed. I like your way of thinking, though! Enjoy!

The V3 Girls With a Childhood S/O In The Killing Game!

Kaede Akamatsu

You two had been inseparable since birth, basically. Kaede had been your best friend for what felt like your entire life, like you came out of the womb knowing you’d be best friends until the end of time. 

Not only was she your best friend, but she was your partner as well. 

When you’d woken up, the only thing you could remember was your talent and that you loved Kaede, that you’ve loved her for your whole life. It doesn’t need to be said but, she was the only person here that you trusted.

Immediately, as soon as you found one another, you stuck by each other’s side. One of you was never seen without the other.

When Monokuma announced the beginning of the Killing Game, you felt your heart sink into your stomach. Just based on Kaede’s expression, she was feeling the same thing. Utter dread and defeat.

You two acted like each other’s bodyguard. She took leadership immediately, and you acted like her co-leader. You two ran that place together and did your best to protect the group. Most of all, you wanted to protect your partner more than anything.

Maki Harukawa

Knowing Maki, she was a very cold and distant person. She distanced herself from most people.

When you first became friends with her, it took months, even years, for her to finally fully open up to you. Neither of you had any feelings for the other until you’d matured, but since then, no one could part you.

You are the only person that she softens up around, and the only person that she lets in. As soon as the Killing Game was initiated, you clung to her.

Maki knew she had to be strong for you, and she kept her same solemn act. Inside, she was hurting, but she couldn’t show you that. The one thing that kept her going was telling herself that she needed to be strong for you.

She acted as if she’d been unmoved, unprovoked. Throughout the entire Killing Game, she was your shoulder to cry on and the thing that comforted you the most. Even in the class trials, she made sure to hold your hand.

Never once did she let you feel alone or terrified throughout the process, no matter how scary it got.

Himiko Yumeno

Himiko and your friendship felt like it was destined to be. When you two started dating, it felt even more like fate.

Little did she know, you’d had feelings for her for years. Little did you know, she felt the same way.

Both of you were a little oblivious to one another, but once you were shoved into this situation, you practically cradled one another.

You hid your relationship, fearing that it would be easy for someone to kill one of you and pin it on the other, or take out two birds in one stone. Himiko did the best to keep up with the class trials and the killings, but you often had to keep her up to date and motivated.

You were both so tired. You were tired of this nonsense and the ruthless killings. Quickly, you both began to lose hope.

Despite this, Himiko still wanted to make you happy. She’d put on little magic shows for you personally, or tried to teach you tricks. She always made jokes and laughed, even when she didn’t want to.

Even if it was just a small smile, any time you showed the smallest sliver of happiness, she felt like her mission was complete.

Tenko Chabashira

Everyone knew about your relationship, and you made it very obvious. You two had been joined at the hip since you were kids, and you were each other’s first relationship. With that said, you two were the only relationship you’d ever been in, so it was natural that you were protective over each other.

It’s almost like you didn’t know how to function alone. Wherever one of you went, the other was never too far behind.

Tenko never let any of her Aikido masters or lessons get in the way, and always made time for you. When the Killing Game was announced, she became your watchful protector.

She put her martial artist abilities to good use. This meant watching you like a hawk and butting into everything you did, but you understood why. She was only looking out for you because she loved you.

She also developed a habit of threatening anyone who got close to you.

Eventually, everyone abandoned you guys and avoided you, but is that really a bad thing in a situation like this?

It didn’t matter, because as long as you were alive, and she was too, you were both happy.

Miu Iruma

You’d loved watching Iruma grow into a success story. Every step of the way for both of your talents, you were always there, and so was she.

Of course, being put in the Killing Game together was purposeful. There was nothing more despair inducing than two lovers being put in this sick game together.

What made it even worse was the fact that you grew up together.

There was no way in hell that Iruma was going to allow this to happen, though. She wouldn’t let the game get the best of you, and she wouldn’t let whoever was in charge to win. You both knew that they probably wanted one of you to die just so the other would spiral into insanity.

She wouldn’t let that happen. Not on her watch. Her loud mouth warded people off, and she used it as a defense mechanism to prevent protential killers from targetting you. Honestly, she didn’t care if she died.

She only wanted you to stay alive, and she made this very clear. Once, after you woke up from a nightmare, she told you, “I’d give my life to make sure you’re safe, you know.”

Just like she did for you, though, you wouldn’t let that happen to her. Not on your watch.

Angie Yonaga

As much as you loved Angie, she was a little bit of an airhead.

She always was, though. It was part of her charm. You’d always found it to be adorable, even when you were both little.

She didn’t understand the seriousness of the situation when the Killing Game was first announced. She seemed to drift off into her own little world sometimes, and when you explained it to her later, she went into a state of denial.

She went on and on about how God would protect you both, and how much she loved you. Her personality was always cute, except for when she couldn’t grasp what was happening. You still loved her anyway.

Though, Angie noticed you were sad. Her senses were sharp and she could alwys detect when something was bothering you. Because of this, she tried her hardest to lift your spirits. She even went so far as to pray every night before she went to bed for the Killing Game to end and for you to be kept safe.

When you were down, she’d surprise you with random doodles. Sometimes they were of you, or of both of you, or your classmates. Some were of your family, or the place where you grew up, your childhood home, pets, and friends. Sometimes it was the place where you had your first date, or where you started dating.

She’d slip them underneath your door in the morning so you’d have them when you woke up.

Kirumi Tojo

One thing that you always loved about Kirumi was how she was able to handle things. No matter what type of bad situation you two were in, she could calm you down and take charge. She was able to do this ever since you were kids.

After Monokuma made the first announcement, your eyes shot directly to your lover. She was standing still and relaxed, not laid back, but unfazed as well.

You had no idea what was going on in her head.

You’d always been the more emotional out of you two. So, she noted this, and when you were able to be alone, she pulled you tight and calmed you. There was the running joke in your relationship that she was like the mom out of you two, and that was very obvious in this prison academy.

Throughout everything that happened, she took care of you. She made sure you weren’t sick or hurt, and always looked after you. She’d get jealous whenever someone talked to you, and watch them coldly until they parted ways.

Even when you slept, she stayed by your side, awake and alert, to make sure no one broke in and killed you. The last thing she wanted was for you to become a victim yourself.

Tsumugi Shirogane

It felt somewhat like a miracle when you both attended Hope’s Peak. You’d been friends since what felt like the start of your lives, so being able to become successful together was a dream come true.

All of those dreams were crushed when the Killing Game came into place.

As much as you loved one another, you were afraid that your relationship would get you targetted. Shirogane was very aware of this.

At first, she seemed okay. She tried to think of ways to escape together, and even thought about making a costume to disguise yourself in. With a laugh, you shook your head, insisting that that would never work.

You knew she had a good heart. As days rolled by, she started to lose it. Slowly, she went crazier and crazier, and you were afraid she’d slipped too far away to ever get her back.

During class trials, you comforted her and tried to remain calm. If you freaked out, she would as well, so you had to pull your own weight and support both of you alone.

- Mod Rantaro

[samyundercover]

All

You asked for it buddy :D

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?- Yes, I do. :)

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?- My sister, I think

03: Do you regret anything?- Yes. I regret a lot of things, but the most regretful thing was that I lied a lot to my parents when I was younger. The good thing: Now I don’t lie at all. At least I try to.

04: Are you insecure?- Yes, I am. (especially in things like talking and socialisation)

05: What is your relationship status?- single 24/7 since 18 years

06: How do you want to die?- Happy. I would rather die at last, so others don’t have to be sad about it.

07: What did you last eat?- A Berliner, so a jelly filled donut.

08: Played any sports?- I used to be in a swim team, but that’s years ago and now I am just lazy and no good in sports :D

09: Do you bite your nails?- I used to when I was younger, but then I got my braces and I couldn’t anymore

10: When was your last physical fight?- I don’t even know if I ever physically fighted. Maybe with my sister when I was younger?

11: Do you like someone?- Bruh, I like a lot of people. But yes there are like three guys I like and none of them does even know tho I am

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?- No, the longest I was awake was 20 hours

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?- No, I don’t hat anyone. But there are like three peopleI don’t really like.

14: Do you miss someone?- Yes. And it hurts.

15: Have any pets?- Had. I had a dog. I miss him.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?- Confused about myself. But my health is okay :)

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?- Sorry, I can’t translate what that means :D 

18: Are you scared of spiders?- No, except they are toxic

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?- Just to watch myself happily with my family

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?- In my head. I never even kissed someone lol

21: What are your plans for this weekend?- The same porcedure as every weekend! Chilling, watching videos, playing games, drawing, listening to music.. (I don’t have a social lif lmao)

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?- Yes, someday. Two would be great.

23: Do you have piercings? How many?- No, I don’t, so zero.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?- Maths and fine arts

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?- Yes, but I guess I wouldn’t if I would know what they could be now.

26: What are you craving right now?- Chocolate.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?- I hope not. I never break up with someone so.

28: Have you ever been cheated on?- Dude, can we just accept the thing that I am a lonely piece of shit?

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?- Look up the answer of question 28.

30: What’s irritating you right now?- Myself. It’s always myself.

31: Does somebody love you?- If it’s so than I don’t have a clue! (Tell me ;-;) But my family loves me.

32: What is your favourite color?- Orange and green.

33: Do you have trust issues?- Kinda, but I also trust people too fast if I get to know them better.

34: Who/what was your last dream about?- My friend Nancy. She got some fruits and she eat them very epic and there was music and all just because of the fruits. I don’t even know what kind of fruit that was, but it was very special.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?- If Internet friends don’t count it’s a bunch of friends at the same time.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?- I don’t even get a first one. But I think I would. It depends on the situation.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?- Forgive.

38: Is this year the best year of your life?- Not until know, but it’s better then last year.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?- If my family doesn’t count you can guess what my answer will be.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?- As a toddler, yes. But I had no choice D:

51: Favourite food?- Everything not bitter. (Sushi and spaghetti and cake and chocolate and sweets and pancakes and everything. I love food)

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?- Kinda. I believe that everything good will have a good fllowing. The same with bad actions.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?- Cheking my twitter and I alwys create a story in my head before going to sleep. Somewhat of my own little bedtime story.

54: Is cheating ever okay?- No.

55: Are you mean?- Most people say no, so no. But I can get a bit mean if I don’t like someone (for example if they go against my family or friends)

56: How many people have you fist fought?- One. My sister. But it was more like fun, because we got this boxing set for christmas.

57: Do you believe in true love?- More in harmony in love.

58: Favourite weather?- Windy and warm.

59: Do you like the snow?- It’s beautiful, but that’s all, so not really. It’s cold.

60: Do you wanna get married?- Yes, someday.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?- Seems a bit macho to me :D

62: What makes you happy?- If the people I care about are happy and I am double happy if the laugh with me. And food. Food makes me happy, too.

63: Would you change your name?- Nah, I like my name :)

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?- It would be very hard, because try and kiss the fugging void!

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?- Depends on if I like him, too. But I am so lonely that I would probably give it a try.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?- Yes, I think. But it’s easier to be the pure myself with my female friends, but that’s only because I know them more.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?- Yasin.

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?- My sister.

69: Do you believe in soulmates?- Yeah, that could be a thing.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?- My family. My friends. Literally everyone I care about. But if I am allowed to only choose one: my sister.

So, I don’t know if anyone is reading this till the end, but if you do then you know a lotr about me now :D 

Thanks for asking these few questions!