#but in middle/high school they do which is why I’m only struggling now

[soliusss]

I love reading posts about allistic/neurotypical behavior. Everything makes sense. Apparently in conversations there are cues for beginnings and ends you’re supposed to pick up on. And that’s how you dont accidentally talk over someone else. I do not have the Sensors for that. And that’s just one example of many. This stuff is crazy. No wonder I can’t make friends apparently there’s like 20 million social rules I’m unaware about. Doesnt feel like I’m missing out on much though, it sounds exhausting

[thebeautysurrounds]

I’ve been thinking a lot about how people’s reactions to certain queer shows and something I think we need to examine how we treat more ‘dark’ and ‘emotional’ shows versus more ‘happy’ shows in this case I’m gonna be talking about the “debate” between Young Royals and Heartstopper.

Firstly these shows exist in two different lanes, and draw in two different audiences and potential age ranges, in my opinion, Young Royals is for older teenagers (think juniors or seniors or someone who is about to graduate high school and is going into college) while Heartstopper is geared towards those who are just starting high school or in the middle of it and is in that transitional period of their lives. Obviously, if you are not in these age ranges you can still consume and enjoy these shows, But I want to discuss how people act like they both can’t exist and you can’t like both or both shows existing for a reason. I’ve never really been a fan of punching down or belittling queer media (unless it’s harmful) Queer media in all forms is still lacking (especially those mediums centering WLW relationships). That being said the debate of which show is better is honestly so tired.

For people who say Young Royals is so much better (don’t get me wrong it is an amazing show and by all means like whatever you want) but liking it more because it’s “darker and more realistic” compared to Heartstopper which is "much happier" and "unrealistic," To me is so disingenuous because firstly so what? campy shows that feature queer characters deserve to be unrealistic, What's wrong with being unrealistic? Queer media has been subject to the Burry Your Gays narrative for decades or extremely unhealthy tropes and storylines so what's so wrong with having storylines and shows that are unrealistic or extremely happy? (even though the themes in Heartstopper are realistic).

Have you thought about how that may be an intentional choice? Now bare with me here this may be my over-analytic brain at work but Heartstopper has more or less some of the same themes as Young Royals just shot in a very vibrant and colorful manner to showcase how happy and colorful young love is BUT if you actually have watched the show or read the graphic novels you would know the show and graphic novels cover some heavy themes.

SPOILERS AFTER THIS POINT……

I want you to keep the song Pumped up Kicks by Foster the People in mind throughout this...I have a point I promise. Heartstopper is shot in a very poppy colorful way and in my opinion, symbolizes how when you’re young and in love everything feels warm, colorful, and vibrant. While Young Royals doesn't utilize this cinematic style they do use some form of vibrancy to convey tone and emotion. In Young Royals many of the scenes featuring Simon and Willhem's 'good moments' feature the sun especially shining on Simon when Willie is looking at him or whenever they are just in each other's company, this is especially prominent in the last scenes of the last two episodes of season 3.

So while people's criticisms of Heartstopper can be warranted (not saying you can't dislike the show) the comments that it's just so bubbly and bright just aren't true. The last season of Heartstopper saw multiple characters go through traumatic situations and it has been building up that way from the very first scenes in the first season of the show (but for the sake of time I'm only going to discuss both main characters in the two shows) Charlie not only is still struggling with being outed but is also battling with an eating disorder, this is foreshadowed throughout the first two seasons leading up to its inevitable blatant reveal when he is at dinner with Nick and his family where Nick starts to piece together why he is never hungry, passed out on the Paris trip and never finishes his food, which leads his to eventually research the signs of an ED. Nick is also still figuring himself out when it comes to his Bisexuality, while also dealing with the feelings of, feeling abandoned by his father, and having to reckon with the fact his brother is not supportive and dismissive of his sexuality and relationship.

Now before I said keep Pumped Up Kicks in mind that's because while this song has an upbeat, catchy tempo the song actually has a really dark undertone and meaning. So while Heartstopper is shot in a very vibrant colorway most of its characters and content of the show deal with dark themes and it's not all just a happy love story, and if the script for the next season follows the graphic novel closely, then we will see the characters go through even more challenges which also falls inline with the "darker" more emotionally message of the show. So to end this so it doesn't become a dissertation, both shows more or less have the same themes they just exist in two different lanes, I don't know why exactly people are fighting for one to be more valid than the other. When both can exist and be impactful to both or each audience, more queer shows need to exist where the characters are just happy and in love and I need y'all to unpack why you view more doom and gloom (for a lack of a better word) queer shows or movies are more valid than ones where the characters are just happy and have relatively in some aspects great experience when it comes to young love and figuring out one's identity. Sepreatlty why do you want these characters to suffer to find love? Why do characters have to go through something traumatic for their identity to be more valid and for you to relate and want to root for it more versus the latter?

Anyway, this was longer than I intended it to be but I just had to get my thoughts out there. TL;DR: Heartstopper and Young Royals are two great shows and if you think one is better than the other cause it has darker themes you are missing the point or probably objectively missed the dark undertones of the show, and one isn't more valuable than the other.

[pandenewie]

Prom King

SYNOPSIS:

Y/n and their best friend Intak made a bucket list to make their final year of high school absolutely perfect. Although Y/n’s list of to-dos is now complete, Intak has just one more thing to tick off - win prom king. All is well, until they hear a certain Kim Sunoo is also running.

PAIRING: sunoo x gn!reader

GENRE: nonidol!au, highschool!au, enemies to lovers, slowburn (they hate each other for most of it) fluff, crack, ft P1harmony Intak, Itzy Yuna, Le Sserafim Kazuha, Ateez Seonghwa, Stray Kids Minho, TXT Beomgyu, Enhypen Jay

WORD COUNT: 18.2k

FRIDAY - 21 DAYS TILL PROM:

“Bestie!”

Part of Y/n regrets teaching Intak internet slang. The amount of “slays” and “side eyes” heard each day would draw any sane person to their limit. But they suppose the goofy smile on his face makes up for the near insanity. Just.

Y/n and Intak have been friends since middle school after he accidentally made them cry because their team lost dodgeball. One apology and a shared popsicle later, they were inseparable. Now, all these years have passed and he’s still the same 12 year old boy from back then, stealing their pens and waking up early just to carpool to school (he claims Y/n’s car’s a.c is better, but really he just wants to spend time with them.)

“You literally saw me an hour ago.” Intak can’t help but roll his eyes at his friend’s words, pulling Y/n into a side hug nonetheless. “That’s like… a whole 60 minutes.” He groans, causing Y/n to sigh. “Oh no! Poor little Intak… how are you gonna survive when we go to university? Or even worse, when we have actual jobs?” Intak lets out a laugh, attempting to brush his hair out of his face. “Bold of you to assume I’m not attached to your hip for life.”

Intak has always been clingy - or better yet, loyal. Once he opens himself up to someone, he attaches himself wholeheartedly to that person. It’s one of his many dog-like qualities that make him so easy to be around - so easy to adore. Stressing over homework? Intak will lend his mostly wrong answers. Crying over an ex? Intak’s over within minutes with movies and ice cream. Y/n feels very lucky to have someone like him in their life.

A lot of people at their school assume that the two are dating, which is honestly laughable to them. Obviously to an outsider, this sort of affection may seem a little odd but with Y/n and Intak it’s just natural. Their relationship is anything but romantic. Besides, Intak is just so… Intak.

“You know, I feel bad for your future wife.” Y/n sighs as they walk with Intak to their next class. The boy turns around to look at them confused, Y/n mentally cursing at his long legs as they struggle to keep up with his speed. “Why? She’ll love you too. We can be a cute little trio!” Intak gushes. “And be a third wheel for the rest of my life? No thank you.”

The rest of the day speeds by quickly and before they know it, the final bell rings, dismissing the students for the day. Students rush to get out of their seats but are immediately stopped by their teacher, Mr Lee.

“Before you run off, don’t forget you have your final presentations due next week. Try to meet up with your buddy over the weekend if you can.” A class of groans erupts at the teacher’s words - bar Intak and Y/n, who look at each other with a smirk. Pros of being partnered with your best friend.

“Oh, and the list of contenders for prom king and queen is up by the gym. Voting starts next week and remember you can only vote once so… yada yada no one’s listening. You’re dismissed.”

Before Y/n can even finish packing up their books, Intak grabs their hand and pulls them out of the classroom. “What the hell Intak? My car is that way!” Y/n groans as he pulls them through the halls, not so gracefully bumping into a few people along the way.

As they eventually come to a stop, Y/n realises that he has taken them to the gym. “Look, there’s my name!” Intak gushes, pointing at the bold Hwang Intak that’s written on the paper. Y/n smiles lovingly at their friends happiness but can’t help the gentle roll of the eyes that follows. “Did you just take me here to brag about running for prom king?” “No, I’m here to check out the competition.”

At the beginning of the year, Intak and Y/n each wrote a “bucket list” containing the things they wanted to achieve in their final year of high school. It was full of simple things, like having perfect yearbook photos, joining certain clubs, etc. Y/n ticked off their final one just last week, after they had finally gotten an A on Mr Park's “unbeatable assignment” they’d heard upperclassmen complaining about for years. Intak however, has just one more thing on his list. Win prom king.

Intak’s eyes vigorously scan over the list before his shoulders seem to deflate. “What’s wrong?” Y/n asks, immediately squeezing in next to him in order to see the list as well. Their eyes quickly scan the names before landing on the one right at the bottom… Kim Sunoo. “Well… there goes my bucket list.” Intak laughs, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. 

Sunoo has always been Intak’s rival of sorts. It all started years ago, when the two took the same dance class. Intak and Sunoo were each other’s biggest competition. When it came down to Sunoo’s fluid and flexible dance style versus Intak’s bold and precise one - Sunoo almost always came out on top. Intak was good, sure. But Sunoo had a natural charm to him that Intak just couldn’t compete with. The same thing happened throughout school, when they both decided to join the drama club. Intak once again, was in second place - constantly losing roles and opportunities to Sunoo. 

Finally, high school came around and Intak managed to find something he really shined in, which was soccer. Not only did he really enjoy it, but there was also no Sunoo around to steal his spotlight. That was until Sunoo joined the cheerleading team and once again, the spotlight became shared.

“Come on, I’ve got practice but I can walk you to your car.” Intak attempts to pull Y/n away from the list but they stay put - anger practically dripping from their body. “That selfish asshole.” Y/n scoffs, aggressively poking his name, as if proving a point. God, even his handwriting is annoying. “He’s already the captain of the cheer team, the lead in the school play, has nearly perfect grades and is on the student council. He just needs to have this too? Can’t stand someone else having the spotlight for one fucking night?”

Y/n is fuming. It’s no secret that they aren’t the most fond of Sunoo, especially due to what he put Intak through over the years. This is just the icing on top of the “reasons to hate Kim Sunoo” cake.

“Hey, it’s alright. I don’t care that much anyway.” Intak attempts to calm his friend, finally managing to pull them back the direction they came. “You wouldn’t have put it on your list if you didn’t care, Intak.” Y/n sighs. “Well yeah but I’m up against Sunoo! I’m not gonna win so there’s no point in making a big deal of it.” Intak mumbles. Y/n can tell that he’s disappointed. For whatever reason, winning prom king is really important to Intak. So in that moment, they mentally promise to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

MONDAY - 18 DAYS TILL PROM:

Intak doesn’t hate people. No matter what they do or say to him, he just can’t bring himself to do it. Y/n however, isn’t anywhere as nice as Intak. So they hate people for him. This is evident on their face as they make their way towards Sunoo’s desk as soon as class is over.

“We need to talk.”

Sunoo looks up from his book at the sudden presence, and his eyes light up with mischief as they lock with Y/n’s.

“Y/n! To what do I owe this pleasure?” His voice drips with sarcasm as he lays his chin in his palm, looking up at Y/n with a smirk. Violence is never the answer but god, does Y/n want to punch him right now. “Oh cut the crap Sunoo.”

Sunoo knows all about Y/n’s hate for him. And although he swears he’s done nothing to deserve it, he certainly isn’t opposed to biting back. What’s the harm in dishing out the same treatment? Besides, Y/n looks extremely cute when they’re mad.

“You know, you look so pretty when you smile, Y/n. It’s a shame I only see you when you’re scowling.” Sunoo teases, bringing his finger up to gently poke at the furrow between Y/n’s brows - causing them to push it away almost immediately. “Stop being such an ass and I’d have something to smile about.”

Sunoo can’t help but laugh at Y/n’s meaningless jab, only making them even angrier. “Why the hell did you sign up for prom king?” They spit, almost as if the words were venomous. Sunoo can’t help the confused expression that makes its way across his face. They’re upset over that?

“I don’t know, Yuna signed me up without telling me.” Sunoo shrugs nonchalantly. This answer only adds fuel to the fire that is Y/n’s anger. “Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. Do you even care about being prom king?” They scoff, causing Sunoo to shrug once more. “I think the whole thing is stupid to be honest.” He says. “Great! Drop out.” And with that, Y/n swiftly turns on their heel and walks out of the classroom.

The silence however is short-lived as Sunoo jogs up behind them. “Why the hell would I drop out?” He asks, causing Y/n to roll their eyes. “You said it yourself, you don’t care about it. And yet you running for prom king directly stops other people from having a chance.” Y/n states. Now it’s Sunoo’s turn to roll his eyes. “You’re acting like it’s a scholarship or something. It’s just a dumb plastic crown-” “-WOULD IT KILL YOU TO THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE FOR ONCE?” Y/n yells, cutting off his sentence.

“Kim Sunoo! Y/N L/N! Why aren’t you two in class?” Mr Lee pokes his head out from his classroom, looking at the two with a scowl on his face. “And what is so important that you need to yell in the halls?” He continues. Y/n looks at the ground sheepishly, mumbling an apology. “I want to see the both of you in my classroom at the end of the day, now get to class.” Mr Lee scolds.

Sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Kim Sunoo across from a visibly frustrated Mr Lee is not exactly how Y/n saw their afternoon going. Intak waits nervously outside the classroom, pressing his ear against the door in hopes to hear what his best friend is in trouble for now.

“It’s not just today’s stunt that I’m upset with. You two have a knack for… disturbing the peace whenever you’re together. And honestly, it’s doing my head in.” Mr Lee sighs. “Now we obviously don’t expect all of our students to get along perfectly, you’re human beings after all. But is it too much to ask for you both to be civil about it? Or at least wait to scream at each other after school hours?” He continues. “No offence sir, but I would rather jump in front of a moving bus than see Sunoo after school hours.” Y/n says, causing Sunoo to scoff. “It’s after school right now, dummy.” Sunoo rolls his eyes. Mr Lee sighs once again, sensing that an argument is about to start.

“This is what I mean. When I don’t get along with someone, I go out of my way not to see them. It seems you two go out of your way to fight.” Y/n and Sunoo both mumble out apologies. 

“I’ve been talking to some of your other teachers and we all agree that something should be done about this. So, we’ve decided to sign you up with the community centre down the street. They needed new volunteers and it’s the perfect opportunity for you two to put this weird feud to rest and make some real change. And, it’ll look good when applying for college, which is a nice bonus.”

Y/n and Sunoo look at Mr Lee as if he’s just told them the worst news imaginable. In some way, he has. “Look Mr Lee, I’m all for helping the community and all but can’t Intak and I do it?” Y/n asks, causing Sunoo to roll his eyes. “That defeats the whole purpose if you do it with him.” He scowls. “I don’t want to hear any fuss about this. It’ll be two days a week, after school Thursdays and Sundays. And if I hear that either of you are acting up I’ll have no choice but to strip away your senior benefits - which means no senior trip and no prom.”

If Y/n hated Mr Lee a minute ago, those words that just came out of his mouth made them love him again. Poor guy doesn’t know that he’s just given Y/n a great idea… Sunoo can’t run for prom king if he’s been kicked out of the whole event. All Y/n needs to do is find a way to get Sunoo in trouble at this community centre without getting themself involved.

THURSDAY - 15 DAYS TILL PROM:

Waiting outside the community centre in the scorching heat is not how Y/n planned to spend their afternoon. And with no sign of Sunoo, their anger starts to boil up - much like the temperature outside.

Just as they’re about to give up and tell Mr Lee that Sunoo was a no-show, a familiar car pulls up in the carpark and none other than Kim Sunoo steps out.

“You have some nerve. I’ve been waiting for like 10 minutes!” Y/n scowls, causing Sunoo to furrow his brows. “What time were we supposed to get here?” He asks. This only frustrates Y/n more. He doesn’t even respect them enough to value their time?

“God, you really are selfish. The email said 3:30.” Y/n pulls out their phone to back up their point with the email, only for their face to fall. “3:45 babe.” Sunoo smirks, watching as Y/n’s face heats up in embarrassment. They were sure it said 3:30. “Were you just so excited to see me that you came early?” He asks, making Y/n scoff - avoiding eye contact. “You wish! I was just… showing my dedication to… y’know, serving the community and… stuff.”

For the first time in what seems like forever, Y/n feels small under Sunoo’s gaze. They are so used to butting heads, always having a snarky remark or point to make. It seems that this interaction has somehow managed to knock Y/n off their pedestal - at least a little.

“I’m sure you standing out here has done so much for the community. Now, I don’t know about you but I’m gonna go inside.” Sunoo says, playfully ruffling Y/n’s hair before entering the building. Y/n scoffs out a few insults before fixing their hair and following suit.

Inside the building is a lot cooler than outside, the cold air conditioning a stark contrast to the outdoor heat. The two stand awkwardly in the front reception, watching as the person behind the desk talks on the phone.

“Wait, I’ve got people. Go complain to someone else.” The person says before abruptly hanging up, his irritated expression flipping to an almost scary smile. “Hi! How can I help you?” He asks. Sunoo nudges Y/n, who rolls their eyes before speaking up. “We’re here for the volunteer thing.” Y/n says, glancing down at the name tag that reads Minho - with a small cat face drawn next to it.

“Cool, what department?” He asks, typing something on his computer. “Uh… what?” Y/n asks, causing Minho to let out an exaggerated groan, spinning in his chair for added effect. “What department are you in? It’ll be on the sign up email.” He clarifies. Sunoo scrambles to check the email from Mr Lee, not seeing anything about a department. He shows Minho the email, causing his eyes to light up. “Oh! You’re the trouble kids?” He asks, turning his attention back to the computer momentarily. “I wouldn’t say that…” Y/n mumbles, causing Minho to laugh slightly. “It’s not a dig at character, trust me. Nothing wrong with a little rule breaking.” He winks. “Don’t tell your teachers I told you that.” He adds before standing.

“Looks like you’ll be doing a little bit of everything. I’ll throw you in with Seonghwa at first, that way you can come to me when you actually know what you’re doing.” Minho says, unlocking a backdoor before gesturing for the two to follow.

Minho leads them down a nicely lit hallway, pointing out different rooms and doors as they go. “Since we mainly do goods distribution here, we’re split into department’s so it’s easier to manage. You’ve got Seonghwa for kids - so that’s everything from toys, baby products, anything else children need. Then Beomgyu is in grocery. That’s just your basic food items. And then finally I’m on clothes and pet stuff.”

After his little introduction, he stops at a door before loudly knocking, causing Sunoo and Y/n to jump slightly. The door quickly opens and the head of a man who looks around Minho’s age pokes out. “Fresh meat.” Minho jokes, gesturing to the two students. “I told you to stop calling them that! And you wonder why people say you’re scary.” Seonghwa sighs, opening the door fully. “I’ll take it from here. You can go back to your phone call.” He continues.

Minho bids his goodbyes before walking back off down the hall. “Don’t let him scare you. He’s secretly a big softie.” Seonghwa says. “Anyway, I’m Seonghwa. I run the kids department here. I’m guessing you’re Y/n and Sunoo?” He asks, causing the two to nod silently.

Seonghwa looks at the two suspiciously. “Are you sure the school sent the right kids? Your teacher said you’re at each other’s throats 24/7.” He asks. “I’m sure Y/n will start something soon.” Sunoo mumbles, causing Y/n’s eye to twitch. They bite their tongue however, if they want this plan of getting Sunoo in trouble to work then they’ll have to make sure they’re on Seonghwa’s good side. “I’m sure we can put our differences aside for this. Especially since it’s helping the community.” Y/n says, causing Sunoo to roll his eyes at their words. “I hope so. It’s amazing what can happen to a bond when you do something like this. You should’ve seen Minho and Beomgyu when they first started.” Seonghwa says. “Right, I guess I’ll give you a tour of the department.” He continues before walking them down the hall to the storage room.

FRIDAY - 14 DAYS TILL PROM:

“And we barely even argued! Which is weird.” Y/n exclaims, after reciting their experience at the community centre. Intak hums, shoving some of his lunch in his mouth. “Maybe you two are finally getting along.” He says nonchalantly. “Oh please, I’ll never get along with someone like him.” Y/n scoffs, causing Intak to roll his eyes. 

“I still don’t get why you hate him so much. You guys are more similar than you think.” He points out, causing Y/n to gasp. “First of all, never say that to me again. And second of all, he made your childhood miserable! Of course I’d hate him.” Y/n states matter-of-factly. “I wouldn’t say he made it miserable. I’m already insufferable as it is, imagine how big my ego would be if I never lost anything! Plus, it’s not like he beat me on purpose. That’s just how stuff goes sometimes…” Intak rambles. The two lock eyes for a moment and for a second Intak thinks his little speech got through to Y/n. “I’m still gonna hate him.” Y/n shrugs, causing Intak to sigh.

SUNDAY - 12 DAYS TILL PROM:

By the time Sunday rolls around, the fact that Y/n will have to spend all day with Sunoo finally settles in. Sure, they’ll have loads of stuff to do to hopefully keep them busy, but that won’t change the fact that he’s there. His presence alone is enough to frustrate Y/n.

“Sunday’s are pretty busy since it’s the one of days we hand everything out. So we have both delivery trucks picking stuff up and individual people. I’ll probably keep you two on sorting for now, just so I don’t overwhelm you too much.” Seonghwa says, making Sunoo and Y/n nod. “We do grocery on a separate day from clothes, kids and pets because of the amount of stock. So Beomgyu will be wandering around if you need any help and can’t find me. He’s only a few years older than you guys so I think you will get along well. You can always ask other volunteers too if you’re stuck.” With that, Seonghwa dismisses the two.

“Why the hell would you do it that way?”

“Babe, Seonghwa literally said there’s more than one way to do it.”

“Stop calling me babe! And if he saw what you were doing, he’d change his mind.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The sound of Y/n and Sunoo’s argument fills the sorting room. It all started with Sunoo deciding he was going to stack the lego boxes upright rather than laying them flat. His thinking being that it takes up less room and leaves space for other things. Y/n however, insists that laying them flat leaves plenty of room for things to go on top - as well as making the container easier to close. Both are technically correct, but that’s not an acceptable answer to them.

As the two continue to argue, Sunoo yanks the box of lego out of Y/n’s hands - causing it to fall, splitting open and scattering lego pieces all over the floor. “Oh you’re so fucked.” Y/n laughs, causing Sunoo to complain about how they started the argument.

“Who the hell is screaming in here?” A voice asks. The two turn around to see Beomgyu standing in the doorway, his eyes lighting up as he sees them. “Oh hey trouble. I should’ve guessed it was you two.” He says, his gaze then falls to the lego all over the floor. “Oh shit.”

Sunoo and Y/n quickly try to pass the blame onto each other, causing Beomgyu to wave them off. “No offence, but I don’t give a shit who started it. Let’s just pick it all up before someone stands on it. Stepping on lego might as well be a torture method.” He says, crouching down to grab the broken box.

He notices the quiet atmosphere in the room and awkwardly laughs. “Don’t get scared now, this kinda stuff happens sometimes. If it makes you feel any better, Seonghwa takes home the faulty ones to add to his collection.” He says. The thought of Seonghwa at home surrounded by lego sets makes Y/n and Sunoo laugh slightly.

“Just… try not to do this sort of stuff when you’re in my department, okay? Spilled lego is a lot easier to handle than food.” The two nod as Beomgyu places the box on the counter. “Well, I’ll leave you two to it, then. Maybe try to be a little… quieter with the next argument.” He winks before leaving the room.

MONDAY - 11 DAYS TILL PROM:

“So… how was Sunday?” Yuna teases, causing Sunoo to look at her with an unimpressed expression. “Oh shut up.” He mumbles, causing her to stifle a laugh.

“I just feel bad for Y/n.” Kazuha says. “Being forced to spend time with Sunoo would be hell for anyone, but especially them.” Sunoo rolls his eyes at his friend, flipping her off before turning his attention back to his food. “Zuha’s right, you’re gonna drive them insane.” Yuna says. “Hey! They do the same to me!” Sunoo complains, causing Yuna to roll her eyes. “Well yeah, but they do it because they actually don’t like you. You do it because you’re trying to live out some weird enemies to lovers fanfic trope.” She points out. “True, not sure why you thought that would work.” Kazuha jumps in. “We get it, I’m a dumb guy who doesn’t know how to communicate my feelings. You’ve said this all before.” Sunoo dismisses.

“Just saying… maybe if you, I don’t know… spoke to them like normal people do to their crush.” Yuna shrugs. “Cause that works out so great for you two.” Sunoo deadpans. “You’re bitter because you know we’re right.” Kazuha teases, causing Sunoo to roll his eyes again.

TUESDAY - 10 DAYS TILL PROM:

Speak to them like a normal person. The thought has been running through Sunoo’s mind ever since lunch yesterday. Given the nature of his and Y/n’s relationship (if you could even call it that), he never even considered talking to them normally to be an option. But as he spots them walking down the hallway as school comes to an end, he figures what better time to start than now?

“Y/n!” Sunoo calls out, jogging through the halls to catch up to them. “Go away.” Y/n replies. “Oh come on babe, would it kill you to give me two seconds of your attention?” Sunoo asks, grabbing Y/n’s wrist. “Let go of me.” Y/n snarls, despite making no effort to pull away. Sunoo chooses to ignore their request, opting to teasingly pull them closer. “I wanna show you something.” He smirks, causing Y/n to roll their eyes. They quickly pull their arm out of his grip, folding their arms securely across their chest. “Well make it quick, I’m going to watch Intak’s practice.” Y/n mumbles.

Sunoo rolls his eyes at the mention of Intak but chooses not to comment. “One of my neighbours was talking to my mum about a care package she got. Apparently she’s signed up with the community centre. My mum sent me a photo.” Sunoo says, grabbing his phone and showing the picture to Y/n.

On his phone, is a picture of one of the boxes they packed on Sunday. This one is one of Y/n’s (you can tell from the way the lego box is placed). Y/n’s eyes light up at the photo, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Sunoo. “She said her sons were super excited when it arrived. They made the lego set together almost immediately.” He says, swiping to show a photo of the completed lego set.

“Oh my god! That’s so cool!” Y/n exclaims, leaning closer to get a better view of the photo. Sunoo attempts to ignore the way his heart skips at the gentle pressure of Y/n’s shoulder brushing against his. “I know right? Obviously it’s nice to make a difference but… actually seeing it is just… it’s awesome.” Sunoo says, causing Y/n to nod enthusiastically.

It goes silent for a second as Y/n suddenly notices how far they were leaning into him, immediately stepping back. Sunoo can almost see the invisible wall being built between them as Y/n puts their guard back up - the sight causing Sunoo to frown slightly. “I uh… thanks for showing me that. I’ll see you on Thursday.” Y/n mumbles awkwardly before walking off down the hall.

THURSDAY - 8 DAYS TILL PROM:

With prom just over a week away, Y/n can feel their plans of getting Sunoo kicked out slowly start to slip through their fingers. Turns out, trying to get Sunoo in trouble whilst staying out of trouble themself is a difficult task. It’s not like they can just start an argument like usual, and Sunoo’s unfortunately not the type of person to easily fall for sabotage.

“Hey trouble!” Minho exclaims as the two walk into the community centre. “Are you ever gonna stop calling us that?” Sunoo asks, causing Minho to laugh at the slight pout on his lips. “Stop breaking Lego sets and maybe I will.” He teases. The two teens visibly tense at his words, causing Minho to only laugh harder. “I’m just messing with you, shit happens. But do that in my department and neither of you will reach adulthood.”

He’s joking. It’s a joke. But the downright evil smirk on his lips almost makes it seem like it’s not…

“Anyway, this week is your last week in the kid’s section so try to make the most of it. We’ll rotate you every two weeks so you get used to all of the departments, then you can pick which one to volunteer in for the rest of the program.” Minho explains. “Oh! And before I forget!” He adds, aggressively wheeling his chair towards a cabinet - pulling something out of one of the drawers before wheeling back to the two.

“Your very own name badges! I didn’t draw anything on them since we don’t know what departments you’ll be in but we can always add to them later.” Minho says, handing a name badge to each of the students. “The drawing is for the different departments? I just thought you really liked cats.” Sunoo shrugged. “While that’s also true, they have a professional meaning too. Cat because I run the pet department.” Minho states. “But don’t you also run the clothes department?” Y/n asks, causing Minho to sigh. “That’s just temporary. Used to be run by this dude called Jay but he… took an early flight. If you get what I mean.”

“He means an actual flight.” A voice interrupts the conversation. The three turn around to see Seonghwa standing in the doorway. “Jay went back to America to be with his family. You really need to stop telling people he died, dude.” Seonghwa clarifies, earning an eye roll from Minho. “He’s dead to me.” Minho mumbles, causing Seonghwa to scoff. “Anyway, I’ll get these two out of your hair. That lady from Goodwill is supposed to be dropping stuff off in an hour so try not to ignore her when she gets here.” Seonghwa says. Minho waves him off nonchalantly before going back to whatever it is he does on his computer.

As the three walk back towards the storage area, Sunoo takes note of the little drawing of a lego block on Seonghwa’s name tag. He nudges Y/n gently - subtly pointing it out to them, earning a gentle smile and quiet giggle in return.

“Since you’ve already mastered packing boxes, I figure I’d let you unload and organize today. All these boxes came from a delivery truck yesterday. You’ve just got to unpack them and put them on the right shelves. Easy?” Seonghwa asks, earning affirmed nods from the two. “Great, if the three of us work hard it should only take us an hour or two. Then we can go over some stock checks and maybe do some more packing if there’s time.”

There's not a lot to argue about when you're busy working. Especially when the two are working with Seonghwa - someone they absolutely don't want to annoy. But it's a weird feeling for Y/n, practically spending hours on end with Sunoo yet not even muttering an insult.

“Okay, that’s us.” Seonghwa announces suddenly, causing the two students to look up at him confused. “But we still have a few orders to pack?” Y/n questions, causing Seonghwa to wave them off. “I’ll finish these later - we get in trouble for keeping you after hours.”

The two collect their things and go to leave but get stopped by Minho and Beomgyu, who are chatting about something in the reception area. “Woah woah, where are you two running off to?” Minho asks. “Uh… home?” Y/n asks, causing Minho to narrow his eyes at them. “You got a ride?” He asks accusingly. “I drove.” Sunoo nods, before the attention shifts to Y/n. “Oh, uh I caught the bus.” Y/n admits. Minho sighs at their words, rummaging through one of his desk draws before pulling out a set of keys.

“Beomgyu will drop you off.” He says, placing the keys in Beomgyu’s hands. “Have you seen the state my department is in? I don’t have time to play uber driver.” Beomgyu argues. “So you’d prefer our little Y/n here to catch the bus at this time of night?” Minho argues. “Why don’t you drop them off?” Beomgyu asks, placing the keys back in Minho’s hand. “I’ve got a very important business call and Seonghwa will kick my ass if I miss it.” Minho shrugs.

“Well, I’m sure Sunoo can drop them off.” Beomgyu suggests, turning his attention back to Sunoo. “Uh… I guess I could-” “-Really, it’s fine. It’s only like a 10 minute bus ride.” Y/n clarifies,  earning a death glare from both Minho and Beomgyu. 

“Y/n, if you get on that bus and get kidnapped and murdered, I will personally study witchcraft and bring you back to life just to kill you again myself.” Y/n’s eyes widen at Minho’s words, causing Beomgyu to awkwardly chuckle. “What he means is, we don’t feel comfortable with you taking the bus alone and strongly advise you to get a ride with Sunoo.” Beomgyu reasons.

The thought of spending any amount of time alone with Sunoo makes Y/n want to pull the hair out of their scalp. But they suppose it is better than potentially getting kidnapped. And Minho and Beomgyu don’t seem like the type of people to budge on this sort of thing. So Y/n reluctantly agrees, and Minho makes sure to walk the two to the carpark and personally watch them drive away - for extra precautions.

The car ride is silent and awkward. Despite the lack of arguing that has been going on between the two, it is blatantly obvious that there is still a massive wall placed between them.

Sunoo doesn’t know what to do to break the tension. Does he just let the two sit in silence? Does he try to talk about his day? Does he turn the radio on? Deciding a conversation is probably the best way to go, he lets out a shaky breath before mumbling:

“So, how are you liking the community centre?”

With the silence that follows his words, he almost thinks that Y/n didn’t hear him. Either that, or they hate him so much that they’d rather ignore him than have one conversation. Considering it’s dead silent, the latter unfortunately seems like the more likely option. Sunoo’s thoughts however, are cut short when Y/n replies:

“It’s more fun than I thought it would be… and the guys are really nice.” Sunoo nods at their words, letting out a small hum of agreement. “I was a little scared of Minho at first.” He admits, his attempt at potentially lightening the mood successfully landing, as Y/n lets out a small, breathy laugh.

"Yeah… I don't think I've heard someone affectionately threaten murder so much before." Y/n jokes. They're still turned away from Sunoo, opting to stare out the window in order to avoid looking at him. But at least they're joking now. It's progress.

"What happened to your car, by the way?" Sunoo asks curiously. Y/n sends him a confused look, causing him to elaborate. "I mean… don't you usually drive Intak to school everyday? Why didn't you drive here?"

Y/n let's out a scoff, looking back out the window. "The idiot tried to cook a pizza on the dashboard. Some bullshit about it being the hottest day of the year. He saw it on tiktok." Sunoo's face scrunches up, mumbling a small ew. "Apparently it'll take a while to clean, too. I think melted cheese got into the radio or something." Y/n shrugs.

"Does that mean you'll need a ride on Sunday too?" Sunoo asks without thinking. He internally face-palms as Y/n visibly tenses up at his words. God, why does he have to be so stupid?

"Uh… Intak should be free on Sunday…" Y/n mumbles. Sunoo has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. A habit, he likes to claim - opting to ignore the tiny amount of jealousy boiling in the pit of his stomach at the mention of the other man's name. Of course Intak would be the one to take them. The two are practically joined at the hip.

The car is silent for the rest of the drive, with the two only mumbling short goodbyes as Sunoo pulls up to Y/n's house. He chooses to stay, watching as they walk up the driveway and into the building. Y/n doesn't look back.

SUNDAY - 5 DAYS TILL PROM:

“Oh, how's the plan going?” Intak asks suddenly, as he pulls into the community centre parking lot. "Huh?" Y/n asks confused - causing Intak to deadpan at them. "Your whole thing of getting Sunoo to drop out of being prom king. It's on Friday." He clarifies.

Oh right. That plan. Y/n honestly forgot all about it, especially after the awkward interaction they had in Sunoo's car on Thursday.

"I haven't made much progress." Y/n sighs. "Because you're making progress in other areas?" Intak asks, a small smirk spreading across his face. "Don't think I haven't noticed the tension at school, and different from the old tension." He adds, earning an eye roll from Y/n. "I think you need to get your eyes checked." Y/n retorts, ruffling Intak's hair before grabbing their stuff and getting out of the car.

"You're picking me up tonight, right?" Y/n asks. "No, I'm gonna abandon you." Intak deadpans. Y/n gives him an annoyed look, making him laugh. "I'll text you when I get here." He says, causing Y/n to wave him off. "No need, I can spot your shitty car from a mile away." Intak goes to reply but Y/n shuts the car door- making sure to slam it for added effect.

As Intak goes to drive off, he winds down his window. "Have a fun day at work my Pookie Pie!! I love you." He calls, blowing a dramatic kiss to add some flare. Y/n rolls their eyes, flipping him off before entering the building.

Sunoo is already there, signing in at the front desk with Minho and Seonghwa. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend, Y/n." Seonghwa says, earning a scoff from Sunoo. "Yeah, a shitty one. Where was he the other night?" Minho grumbles. "He was busy with soccer practice. And uh… he's not my boyfriend." Y/n says, awkwardly scratching the back of their neck. "Might as well be." Sunoo mumbles bitterly, his comment not going unnoticed by Minho and Seonghwa, who both mumble short apologies for the mistake.

The two share a knowing look before Seonghwa claps his hands, gaining the attention of the two teens. "Right, since today is your last day in my department we'll just focus on practising what you already know. And later on, Beomgyu will give you a tour of his department so you can get straight into things next week."

Minho watches as Seonghwa gets the two to work, immediately going to find Beomgyu and explain to him what the heck just happened.

There is something wrong with Sunoo - that much is clear. He and Y/n aren’t friends of course, but there hasn’t been this much tension between the two since they started volunteering. Y/n doesn’t understand what went wrong?

As Sunoo ignores their question for the umpteenth time, Y/n finally feels themself snap. They grab the box of toys out of his hand, shoving it back on the shelf before crossing their arms across their chest - effectively cornering him in the storage room.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Y/n whisper-yells, not wanting to gain the attention of Seonghwa. “What’s wrong with me? You just ripped a box out of my hands?” Sunoo rolls his eyes. “Because you’re ignoring me!”

It’s stupid, Y/n knows. They’ve spent their entire high school career wishing for the day that Sunoo would start ignoring them. But now that it’s here, they hate it.

“And why do you care? We aren’t friends, Y/n. Even if I try to talk to you, you just go right back to running off with Intak every chance you get.”

And then it clicks. Everything always goes back to Intak.

“Oh my god, Sunoo. This is all about Intak? He’s my best friend, dumbass. And your stupid grudge with him doesn’t change that.” Y/n is fuming, and their volume is no longer at the front of their mind. Sunoo scoffs, pushing past Y/n and picking up the box once again. “I think you’re the dumbass, Y/n. Because everyone but you can tell that you and Intak are not best friends.”

Before he can get back to work however, Y/n catches up and shoves his shoulder - causing the box of toys to fall to the floor. “You’re a fucking hypocrite, you know that?” Y/n scowls, earning another eye roll from Sunoo. “I’m not the one in love with my best friend.” “People can be just friends, Sunoo! You of all people should know that!”

Y/n knows they are yelling, but they don't really care. In fact, they hope that the entire building can hear every word they’re saying; maybe then Sunoo will understand how ridiculous he is being. Even if they were in love with Intak, which is so far from the truth, what the hell does it matter to Kim Sunoo?

“No one says shit about you and Kazuha. Or you and Yuna. How is this any different? Do you get like this when they talk to other people, or am I just special?”

Of course you’re special Sunoo wants to scream. But he holds back - knowing better than to dump all his emotions onto Y/n. Especially now that they’re this worked up.

“Are you two finished?” A calm voice breaks through the tension, and both teens snap their heads to look at the figure. Seonghwa stands leaning against the doorway, his face expressionless as he looks at the two.

It’s as if they’d seen a ghost, and Seonghwa has to hold back his laugh at this. Remembering that he is, in fact the grown up in this situation - he takes a deep breath before ushering towards his office. “Come on, let’s all have a little chat, shall we?”

Seonghwa is scary when he’s mad. Minho and Beomgyu would be too, if they weren’t spending their time trying to hold back their giggles. They can’t help it though - not with Y/n and Sunoo sitting there like two children being scolded by their parents.

“I have tried my best to not… interfere with the relationship between you two. Simply because it is none of my business. But when you are in our building, you must obey our standards, and whatever that was back there is certainly not the type of behaviour we like to see.” Seonghwa states, his voice clear and stern. “Isn’t that right, guys?” He adds, turning to the other two adults in the room - who clearly were not paying attention.

“Uh… yeah.” Beomgyu replies, his voice cracking slightly. This finally sets Minho off, his fit of laughter soon turning into a safety hazard as he begins to choke on his own saliva. Seonghwa can’t help the sigh that escapes his lips, watching in mild disappointment as Beomgyu pats Minho’s back in an attempt to help clear his throat.

“Anyway, we think it will be best to separate the two of you for a little bit, until the hostility goes down. Sunoo, you’ll spend the rest of the day with Minho and Y/n, you’re with Beomgyu. I’ll continue where you left off in kids.” Seonghwa says.

“Wait, so you can’t deal with them so you just pass them onto us?” Beomgyu asks, offended. “Be grateful you’re not getting both of them.” Minho rolls his eyes, letting out a yelp as Beomgyu pinches his side.

It’s weird to see them talk so openly about the two, as if they aren’t sitting in the very same room. Y/n can’t bring themself to look away from Seonghwa, a strong sense of guilt building up in the pit of their stomach. He looks stressed, and Y/n can’t shake the feeling that they’re a major factor.

“Well… is there anything you two would like to say before I send you off?” Seonghwa asks, the attention in the room turning back towards the two teens. Y/n gulps under the gaze, glancing at Sunoo from the corner of their eye - who is avoiding eye contact all together. The two mumble quiet apologies, which almost go unnoticed by the others. Seonghwa sighs once more, gesturing for everyone to leave his office.

MONDAY - 4 DAYS TILL PROM:

“You look like someone died.” Kazuha states, dropping her food tray on the table and effectively snapping Sunoo out of his thoughts. “His relationship with Y/n did.” Yuna snickers, letting out a shriek as Sunoo’s empty milk carton flies towards her head. “Resorting to violence, now? No wonder Y/n doesn’t like you.” Yuna teases, throwing the milk carton back towards him.

“Wait, what happened with Y/n?” Kazuha asks. Sunoo sighs in response, picking at his food. “Nothing, I just fucked everything up… like always.” The response earns some eye rolls from the girls. “Stop acting like a pick me and explain what happened. Or I’ll go ask Y/n myself.” Kazuha threatens, although her words are all bluff.

Sunoo lets out another sigh, deciding there’s no use trying to argue with his friends. “I got jealous of Intak and said some… things. Y/n got mad, for obvious reasons and now we’re not talking.” He doesn’t even need to look up at his friends to tell that they are rolling their eyes at him.

“You are one of the dumbest people alive.” Yuna scoffs. “I know.” Sunoo whines, resting his head in his hands. “What did you actually say to Y/n?” Kazuha sighs, mentally putting on her couples counsellor hat. Sunoo hesitates, knowing he’s about to get ripped into by the girls. “I said that there’s no point in us being friends if they’re just going to run off with Intak every chance they get… and that it’s obvious their relationship is more than that.”

The table is silent for a few moments as Sunoo’s words set in. “You are the reason I hate men.” Yuna groans. “No literally, do you realise how hypocritical that is?” Kazuha asks. “Obviously but I was angry and just said whatever came to mind.” Sunoo frowns.

The girls give each other a look before turning back to Sunoo, who continues to wallow in his self-pity. Sighing, Kazuha moves to sit next to him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Maybe it’s time to be honest and tell Y/n how you really feel about them.” She says, causing Sunoo’s head to shoot up from it’s position on the table. “Be honest?” He asks with wide eyes. “Yes, Sunoo. If you tell Y/n that you said that because you were jealous and you like them then maybe they’ll actually give you a shot. It’s a much better plan than whatever the hell you’ve been doing this entire time.” Yuna points out. “And if they reject you, at least you tried.” Kazuha attempts to reassure, only to be met with glares from her two friends. “Way to boost my confidence.” Sunoo mumbles, picking up a spoonful of his lunch.

THURSDAY - 1 DAY TILL PROM:

“So… I heard you’ve got prom tomorrow?” Beomgyu asks, trying to break the ice. He hasn’t been alone with Y/n before so he’s not entirely sure what to say. Judging by Y/n’s groan at his words - he definitely said the wrong thing.

“Not looking forward to it?” He adds. “Since Sunoo will be there, no, I’m not.” Y/n mumbles, trying to turn their attention to the box of cans they are currently unpacking. They have nothing against Beomgyu, he’s sweet and all but god, does he not know how to take a hint. 

“What happened between you two, by the way? I know you never got along but something must’ve happened to cause such a fight.” Beomgyu pries. “I really don’t want to talk about this right now.” Y/n sighs. Being met with silence, they think that Beomgyu has finally given up. Until he speaks again:

“You know, I heard that hating someone uses almost as much passion as loving them.”

This causes Y/n to choke on the air in their lungs, looking at Beomgyu with wide eyes. “I’m not lying! Hate sex is apparently really good… not that I would know, of course.” Y/n chooses not to pry at Beomgyu’s blatant confession and instead raises an eyebrow at him. “Are you really recommending hate sex to a highschooler?” They ask, causing Beomgyu to wave them off nonchalantly. “It’s an example, Y/nnie. I’m just saying that hate can be a confusing emotion. Sometimes you think you hate someone, when really you like them and just don’t know how to express it.” “That sounds pretty toxic.” Beomgyu waves them off again. “Just trust me. I know a lot about this stuff.”

“So… how are things going with Y/n?” Minho asks, his sudden words causing Sunoo to look at him with wide eyes. “I… huh?” Sunoo asks, confused. Minho rolls his eyes at this. “I’m not an idiot, I see the way you look at them. And judging by the way they treat you, they do not feel the same. So what’s the plan?”

Sunoo is overwhelmed by the sudden topic. “Uh… give up and go home?” He mumbles. This was not the answer that Minho wanted, judging by the look on his face. “I would slap you right now if Seonghwa wouldn’t fire me for it.” Minho threatens. “Listen, as someone who is basically an expert at this whole hate to love thing - I’m going to give you some advice.” He continues, placing a hand on Sunoo’s shoulder. 

“You need to be obvious enough with the flirting that they can pick up on it but subtle enough that they think you’re just trying to annoy them. Then, when the tension gets high enough, you go full on flirt-mode. Catch them by surprise and reveal your feelings while their guard is down. And if you’re too scared to talk, just kiss them. Works like a charm.”

Sunoo looks at him skeptically, causing Minho to roll his eyes. “You think I’m joking? Beomgyu would tell you the same thing.” His words are very clearly alluding to something but Sunoo chooses to ignore them. “What if they just end up hating me even more?” He asks - his words causing Minho to let out an annoyed groan. “Then you suck it up and move on. If you open up about your feelings and they don’t accept it, then they’re not the right person for you. Was I this clueless when I was a teenager?” Noticing Sunoo’s hesitation, Minho continues. “Look, you’re a nice guy and you seem to really care about Y/n. I’m sure they only hate you because of some petty bullshit and not because you’re a terrible person. Have confidence in yourself!”

Sunoo nods affirmingly at Minho’s words. Have confidence in yourself.

FRIDAY - PROM NIGHT:

“Can I look yet?”

“No.”

“How about now?”

“Still no.”

“...”

“Intak, I swear to god, if you open your damn eyes…”

“I won’t!”

Y/n rolls their eyes at their best friend, looking themself over once more in the mirror. Once they’re happy with the completed outfit, they turn towards Intak - who’s stood in the middle of their bedroom with his hands covering his eyes.

“Okay… you can look now.”

As soon as the words leave Y/n’s lips, Intak’s hands are flying away from his face. His eyes fall on Y/n’s outfit as they stand awkwardly in front of him. “Woah… is it wrong for me to say you look hot?” Intak laughs, letting out a scream when Y/n hits his shoulder. “Hey! Don’t crinkle the suit!” He whines, earning an eye roll from Y/n. “Then don’t say cringy shit.”

“I’m serious though, you look great. Everyone’s gonna go crazy when they see you.” Intak compliments, causing Y/n to scoff. “Yeah, right. If I look so good, why am I taking you as my date?” Intak frowns at this. “You’re the one who turned down my idea of you and Sunoo going together.” He points out. “Yeah, cause that would literally be considered a form of torture.” Now it’s Intak’s turn to roll his eyes at Y/n’s exaggeration. “You’re just pissed that you guys fought. It would’ve been a great way to make up, you know?”

“Can we not talk about Sunoo right now?” Y/n asks, almost desperately. Intak narrows his eyes for a moment before sighing. “Fine. But as soon as this thing is over, you’re explaining what the hell happened with you two.”

Prom - the supposed “best night” of a high schooler’s life. The glitz and the glam. Food, drinks, music. It’s everything a teenager could wish for.

As Y/n and Intak walk into the school gym, they look around in awe at the decor. “You know, this turned out a lot better than I expected.” Y/n comments, causing Intak to nod in agreement. “I know, right? It barely smells like feet in here.” He jokes, letting out a pained noise when Y/n jabs him in the side. “So… are we going to the dancefloor first or the snack table?” Intak asks, causing Y/n to look at him with a blank expression. “Snack table it is.” He adds, laughing as Y/n aggressively pulls him towards the assortment of foods.

“I’m just gonna head to the bathroom!” Y/n mumbles, their voice slightly muffled due to the music. Intak sends them a thumbs up, letting them know he got the message. After a few moments, Intak feels a sudden presence behind him and turns around to see Sunoo standing there.

“Looking for Y/n?” He asks, causing Sunoo’s eyes to widen slightly. “Uh… yeah. I thought they’d be with you.” He mumbles. “Bathroom.” Intak shrugs, earning a slight nod from Sunoo. Intak gestures for him to take a seat and Sunoo hesitates for a moment before sitting down.

“How did you know I was looking for Y/n?” Sunoo asks, causing Intak to shrug. “Well, you weren’t coming to hang out with me.” He jokes, earning an awkward laugh from Sunoo. “Are you still upset about… you know?” Sunoo asks. “Oh, god no. I got over that like, freshman year.” Intak says, waving him off. “Oh. Okay, well… I feel like I should apologise anyway. I wasn’t like… trying to compete with you or anything.” Sunoo says, causing Intak to laugh. “It’s all good, like I said, I forgave you ages ago. Y/n on the other hand…” Intak trails off, causing Sunoo’s eyes to widen.

Everything finally seems to fall into place. Y/n hates Sunoo because of what happened with him and Intak? He supposes it does make sense; they are best friends after all. But if Intak is over it, then why isn’t Y/n?

“Can I be honest about something?” Sunoo asks, causing Intak to look at him confused. “As long as you don’t confess your undying love for me. You’re cute but not really my type.” He jokes, making Sunoo laugh so hard he almost falls out of his chair. “Trust me, you’re not my type either.” He responds, causing Intak to scoff in feigned offence. “You know what? Maybe I do still hate you.” Intak pouts. He keeps the act up for a few moments before returning back to his smiley self, gesturing for Sunoo to go on.

“This is gonna sound really weird but… whenever I see you and Y/n, I can’t help but feel jealous. Like, you guys are so in tune with each other and… you’re close with them in a way that I can only dream of. I don’t know… guess it made me unknowingly hate you which probably added to why Y/n hates me.” Sunoo rants. Intak’s face doesn’t give much away, as he stares forward with furrowed brows. For a moment, Sunoo thinks he’s said something wrong.

“Y/n’s a complicated person. They like it when people are open and honest, but hate being open and honest themself. They’re also super stubborn… you probably already know that. They hate admitting when they’re wrong but really admire it when others do.” Intak says. Sunoo looks at him confused, not entirely sure what he’s trying to say. 

“Y/n’s basically a hypocrite, who looks for people that do and say the things they refuse to. That’s why we’re so close, we balance each other out. You, however, are more like Y/n, which is why I think you guys butt heads. You both want to be more open but your stubbornness gets in the way and you argue. I think that’s the difference between me with Y/n and you with Y/n.” Intak points out.

Sunoo’s face screws up at Intak’s words as he lets out a dry laugh. “Doesn’t sound like me and Y/n are a good match, then.” He mumbles. “I think you can understand Y/n a lot better than I do. Sometimes they do things and I just don’t get why. But if you and Y/n are going to be friends… or more, one of you will have to adjust a little. And judging by this conversation we’re having, it looks like you’re trying to.” Intak says, a genuine smile on his lips.

Sunoo is in awe. He’s never felt so called out yet reassured at the same time. “Where the hell did you learn to give advice like that?” He asks, shocked. Intak laughs slightly, scratching the back of his neck. “I watch a lot of couples therapy programs. It’s a guilty pleasure.” He mumbles. Just as Sunoo is about to ask what shows, the two are interrupted by Intak’s phone going off. He looks at the screen to see Y/n calling, immediately answering and putting them on speaker.

“Intak! You have to come outside and see this dog. It’s wearing a little bow tie!” Y/n exclaims, happily. “Outside? I thought you were in the bathroom?” Intak asks. “I move quickly. Now hurry up!” Y/n ushers, continuing to rave on about the dog as Intak waves goodbye to Sunoo.

“Ladies and gentlemen, if we could have you all to the dance floor to announce this year’s Prom King and Queen.”

Y/n is probably feeling more nervous than Intak - judging by the way they’re squeezing his hand. “I think you’re gonna break my knuckles.” Intak leans down to whisper, causing Y/n to roll their eyes. “Shut up.” They whisper back.

Has the principal's intro speech always been this long? No one asked about how proud you are of all the contestants, they just want to hear who won. After what feels like literal hours of talking, the drumroll begins to play throughout the gym.

“And the winner of Be Lift High’s Prom King is…”

.

.

.

.

.

“Hwang Intak!”

Y/n is probably more excited than Intak, too - judging by the way they practically scream in his ear. Intak grins widely as Y/n shakes him back and forth, receiving a few pats on the back and whoops from the crowd around them. Snapping out of his shock, Intak gently pulls away from Y/n’s grip and walks up to the stage to be crowned.

Despite Intak walking away, Y/n immediately feels another presence beside them. They turn to see Sunoo standing there, watching fondly as Intak accepts the crown. Y/n attempts to ignore him, turning their attention back to Intak. Despite this, Sunoo had already felt Y/n’s eyes on him and gently nudges their side to get their attention.

“He looks really happy.” Sunoo points out. His statement earns an eye roll from Y/n, who immediately turns to him with a smirk. “Jealous you didn’t win?” They asks snarkily, causing Sunoo to laugh slightly. It’s not the sarcastic laugh he usually does around Y/n. It’s a small, genuine laugh. “No, he deserves it.” Sunoo smiles before turning his attention back to the stage, where Intak is about to start his acceptance speech.

The smirk on Yn’s face immediately drops as they take in Sunoo’s words. Sure, he doesn’t have to be jealous… but Y/n at least expected a snarky comeback. Why is he smiling like he and Intak are friends?

“You look really good by the way.” Sunoo says, not taking his eyes off the stage. Y/n immediately scans his face for any signs of sarcasm or teasing. None. Awkwardly coughing, Y/n turns away from Sunoo and back towards the stage. They mumble a quiet shut up but the subtle blush that spreads across their cheeks shows they didn’t hate the compliment.

“And we’ll now announce Be Lift High’s Prom Queen…. Nakamura Kazuha!”

“Fuck yeah!” Yuna screams, immediately covering her mouth when she realised the rest of the crowd hadn’t started yet. She mumbles a few apologies before pushing Kazuha towards the stage.

With Kazuha now joining Intak on the stage, Yuna squeezes herself between Sunoo and Y/n - slinging her arms around both of their shoulders. “Do you think anyone heard me swear?” She jokes, causing Sunoo and Y/n to laugh. “Judging by the way Mr Kim is currently glaring into our souls, I’d say yeah.” Sunoo says.

The trio watch in amusement as Intak shuffles aside for Kazuha to give her speech, her sending him an awkward yet genuine smile. “They’re kinda cute, don’t you think?” Yuna asks, causing Y/n to scoff. “Oh please, she’s way too good for him.” They laugh. “I don’t know, Zuha’s taste in guys is…” Sunoo trails off. “Questionable.” Yuna finishes for him. Y/n shoots the two a confused look but chooses not to ask further questions.

“So, what were you and Sunoo talking about when I was on stage?” Intak asks as he and Y/n slow dance together. “Oh god, don’t remind me. Weirdest conversation we’ve ever had.” Y/n rolls their eyes, causing Intak’s to lighten up with interest. “Come on, spill the tea.” He says, laughing as Y/n physically cringes at his choice of words.

“I don’t know, it was just weird. Like, he was saying how you deserved to win and when I tried to tease him about it, he just didn’t react. And then he said I looked good… without being sarcastic!” Y/n rants, earning an eye roll from Intak. “You call that a weird conversation?” He asks. “Well yeah, it is for people who hate each other.” Y/n huffs.

“Y/n… you don’t seriously think Sunoo hates you, do you?” Intak’s question causes Y/n to look up at him, a confused expression painted across their face. “Uh… have you seen the way he acts around me? We’re like… constantly at each other’s throats.” Y/n points out. “Yeah, and who starts almost all of those arguments?” Intak asks.

Y/n falls silent for a moment as they think back to all their arguments with Sunoo. Sure… they’re often the one that takes it from teasing to yelling but… that doesn’t make Sunoo completely innocent.

“I think you should apologise to him.” Y/n’s eyes practically fall out of their skull as the words slip past Intak’s lips. “I think that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.” Intak raises a brow at Y/n, almost in a challenging way. “Y/n… you know how much I love you but as your best friend, it’s my job to tell you when you’re being stupid… and this whole beef you’ve got with Sunoo is stupid… maybe if you start seeing him as a person rather than as some annoyance in your life, you’ll start to recognise that.” Intak says, finally, before dropping the topic.

Y/n pouts slightly as they mull over Intak’s words over and over again… he’s right. Y/n hates it when he’s right.

THURSDAY - 6 DAYS AFTER PROM:

I think you should apologise to him.

Those words have been repeating in Y/n’s brain all week. It’s very rare for a piece of Intak’s advice to stick with them for this long - usually he just says a few quotes he stole from Twitter and hopes it does the trick. It doesn’t. 

Walking into the community centre, Y/n is surprised to see an unknown man sitting behind the desk instead of the usual Minho. As soon as he hears the door open, the man looks up and sends a small smile to Y/n.

“Uh… hi?” Y/n asks, walking up to the desk, puzzled. “Hey. You’re one of the volunteers, right? Y/n?” The man asks, causing Y/n to nod quietly. Their eyes quickly flicker down to his nametag - reading the name Jay along with a small drawing of some shoes. Jay? As in, the guy who used to work here?

“I thought you were in America?” Y/n asks, causing Jay’s eyes to widen slightly. “Oh… I was, yeah. But now I’m back.” He shrugs, passing Y/n the name tag box. Their eyebrows furrow slightly when they see that both Minho and Beomgyu’s name tags are still there. Just as they’re about to ask, they get interrupted by the door opening.

“Sorry I’m late, the coach tried to have an extra cheer practice.” Sunoo says as he walks into the building. He stops in his tracks when he spots Jay behind the desk. “Who are you?” He asks, bluntly. “Jay, and you must be Sunoo.” Jay says. Sunoo glances at Y/n, as if to ask what is happening. Y/n just offers a confused shrug back.

“Okay, as you can probably tell, I’m not Minho. Something happened and he had to take the day off which means, obviously, Beomgyu had too as well.” Jay says. Y/n and Sunoo aren’t sure why that’s obvious but they choose not to question it. “Because we’re down two people, things are going to look a bit different today. We can’t have you both in departments by yourself because, no offence but you’re not fully trusted to be left alone yet. Seonghwa’s still in kids, but he’ll also be checking on you two in grocery. I’ll take care of clothes and pets myself.” Jay says, earning affirmative nods from Sunoo and Y/n. “Cool, Beomgyu should’ve left you a note of what he wants done today but if you need any help, just ask me or Seonghwa.”

Beomgyu’s “note” turned out to be the computer password so they could access todays food pack orders along with the words “fuck things up and I’ll kill you” scribbled at the bottom. Not extremely helpful but Y/n expected nothing less.

“So we just… put the stuff on the list in a box?” Sunoo asks, making Y/n realise that he hasn’t actually worked in grocery yet. “Oh… yeah. We print off the order ticket, grab everything that's on it and put them in a box, stick the ticket on the top and then tick the packed button on the computer… it’s pretty simple once you get the hang of it, and everything’s labelled so you shouldn’t have any trouble.” Y/n rambles, quickly demonstrating how things work.

The two quickly get to work, in complete silence. It’s a little awkward. This is the first time Y/n has actually seen Sunoo since prom, other than quickly passing each other in the halls, and the first time that they’ve worked with him in the community centre since their fight.

I think you should apologise to him.

Groaning slightly, Y/n turns their attention back to the order they’re currently working on. The last thing they need right now is Intak’s stupid face in their brain, trying to convince them to apologise.

“Hey, Y/n? Can you come check this for me?” Sunoo suddenly calls, snapping Y/n out of their thoughts. “Uh... yeah, one sec.” Y/n replies, putting the finishing touches on their order before walking over to where Sunoo is working.

They find him in the produce section, looking puzzled. “Everything okay?” Y/n asks, causing Sunoo to jump slightly at their sudden presence. “Oranges and mandarins are the same thing, right?” Sunoo asks, causing Y/n to giggle slightly. “Um… no. Mandarins are little and come in pieces that you peel off, oranges are big and you need to cut them.” Y/n says, causing Sunoo to nod. “We only have oranges, then,” He says, turning to look at Y/n. “And I need mandarins.”

Sighing, Y/n does a quick scan around the produce section. There are in fact, no mandarins. “We’ll have to check the back storage.” Y/n says, walking towards the door to find Seonghwa. “You coming? I can’t carry a bulk box of fruit by myself.” Y/n says, causing Sunoo to immediately follow them.

Once the two grab the key from Seonghwa, they make their way to the back storage room, where all the unneeded products are kept. It’s weird being in here again. Last time the two were in this room, they were screaming at each other. Walking past the kids and pet sections, they finally find themselves in the grocery area.

“Over there.” Y/n points in the direction of the fruits, going to walk towards them. They realise that Sunoo is oddly quiet and turn around to look at him. “Are you okay?” Y/n asks. It’s silent for a few more moments before Sunoo blurts out two words Y/n never thought they’d hear him say.

“I’m sorry.”

Y/n doesn’t know how to respond. It seems that even Sunoo is a little taken aback by his words, judging by his wide-eyed expression. “Um… what?” Y/n laughs awkwardly. Where was this coming from?

“I’m sorry for… everything, really. I’ve been giving you hell for years for basically nothing. I was just jealous of you and Intak and I took it out on you when I should’ve just-” “-Are you kidding me?” Y/n asks suddenly, interrupting Sunoo’s words. “I’ve been thinking about apologising to you all week and you beat me to it?” They continue, causing Sunoo to look at them confused. “It’s not a competition…” Sunoo laughs awkwardly. “But I’ve hated you for years because of something you did unknowingly as a kid… and you didn’t even do it to me! Why the hell are you the one apologising?” Y/n asks, a small pout to their lips. Sunoo can’t help but look at them endearingly… are they really upset that he apologised before they could?

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Y/n asks, causing Sunoo to laugh slightly. “Sorry, you’re just really cute.” He says, causing their eyes to widen. A pink blush immediately spreads across their cheeks, earning a slight smirk from Sunoo. “Shut up.” Y/n mumbles, avoiding eye contact. 

“Would you feel better if I took my apology back?” Sunoo asks, half jokingly. Y/n pauses to think for a moment before silently nodding, causing Sunoo to break out into a toothy grin. “Okay, then… I'll take it back.” He says, his words causing Y/n to look up at him again. They bite their lip nervously as he quietly waits for them to speak.

“Okay so like… I’m sorry for being a bitch and hating you for something you didn’t do. It was really childish of me and I hope that we can be friends… maybe.” Y/n rambles, their eyes nervously flickering from Sunoo’s to various parts of the room. Sunoo smiles at their nervousness, his heart swelling slightly at their words. “It’s okay… when I found out you didn’t like me I started purposefully annoying you. If you can’t tell, I think you’re cute when you’re mad.” Sunoo says, the pink blush on Y/n’s cheeks turning darker with each compliment. “Stop calling me that…” Y/n mumbles.

“You don’t like when I call you cute?”

“Hate it.”

“Your blush says otherwise, babe.”

“Shut up!”

“So… are you just gonna ignore the fact that I said I was jealous of you and Intak?” Sunoo asks, causing Y/n to look at him confused. “Why?” Y/n asks. “Because I like you and I hated that he was close with you in ways I couldn’t be… thought he had a better chance with you than I did.” Sunoo mumbles, causing Y/n to scoff slightly. “Oh please, Intak wouldn’t have a chance with me if he was the last man on earth.” Y/n says, choosing to ignore the part where Sunoo said he likes them.

“What about me?” Sunoo asks, stepping forward slightly to minimise the gap between them. “Uh… what about you?” Y/n asks, attempting to step back but getting stopped by the shelf behind them. “Would I have a chance?” Sunoo asks, continuing his steps until he is directly in front of Y/n, their back pressed up against the shelves. “Um… if you were the last man on earth, you mean? I guess, I don’t know. I don’t even think I’d survive long enough for us to be the last people on earth. Especially if it was like a zombie apocalypse or something, I’d probably die super… early.” Y/n rambles, the last words trailing off as Sunoo gently grips their chin, lifting it slightly so they’re making direct eye contact.

“I mean now, Y/n. Would I have a chance with you now?” Sunoo asks, his grip on Y/n’s chin stopping them from looking away. Y/n’s breath seems to get caught in their throat as they see Sunoo’s eyes flicker down to their lips. “I don’t know…” Y/n breathes out.

Their mind feels fuzzy. Up until about a week ago, they don’t think they’d ever had a positive thought about Sunoo. And now here they are, trapped between his body and a shelf, as he confesses that he likes them? Y/n has no idea how to process this new information.

“Are you guys okay in here?” A sudden voice calls out, causing Y/n to immediately push Sunoo away from them. They shut down the part of their brain that immediately misses his touch and peek behind the shelf to see Jay looking around the room for them. “We’re fine! Just took a while finding what we needed.” Sunoo calls out, going to grab one side of the mandarin crate. Taking note of Y/n’s slightly dazed expression, Sunoo can’t help but laugh slightly. “Actually, do you mind helping us carry this? Y/n’s a bit out of it.” Sunoo calls out again, sending a teasing wink to Y/n who immediately scowls at him. Guess that his feelings for them won’t change the constant teasing.

“I saw you drove today, your car’s fixed?” Sunoo asks as the two walk out of the community centre. “Yeah, it is. Which reminds me that I need to get Intak to pay me back.” Y/n says, taking a mental note. “Well, if you ever need a ride again, just know my passenger seat is always free for you.” Sunoo says, his words causing Y/n to blush slightly. They mumble a small thanks, causing Sunoo to smile endearingly. “Well, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Sunoo says, causing Y/n’s eyebrows to furrow. “School, babe.” Sunoo clarifies, making Y/n’s mouth fall into a small “oh”. Sunoo shakes his head with a gentle smile, ruffling Y/n’s hair affectionately. “Have a good night, Y/n.” He says before going to get into his car, waiting until Y/n has gotten in theirs and drives off before he leaves as well.

FRIDAY - 7 DAYS AFTER PROM:

“I told you so!”

Y/n reaches over to cover Intak’s mouth with their hand, shushing him as they look around the classroom. Thankfully, everyone else is busy with their own conversations to be listening in on theirs. Intak licks their hand, causing them to immediately pull away with a disgusted look. “You’re so gross.” Y/n mumbles, wiping their hand on Inak’s shirt sleeve. “I don’t care, you and Sunoo are getting together, I was finally right about something.” Intak teases, earning an eye roll from Y/n. “We’re not getting together, he likes me. There’s a difference.” “But you like him too!” Intak urges. “And how the hell do you know that?” Y/n asks, defensively. “Because we’re besties! I can basically read your mind at this point.” Y/n looks at him with a blank expression, clearly not believing his reasoning. “Plus you’re blushing, which is kind of a dead give away.”

Y/n throws their pen at Intak, who only pokes out his tongue in retaliation. He is right - they both know it. Which is what makes the whole situation more frustrating. Being confronted with the fact that you might like someone when you’ve spent years thinking you hate them is not a fun feeling. Y/n can’t help but think back to the conversation they had with Beomgyu last week. Sometimes you think you hate someone, when really you like them and just don’t know how to express it. God… did everyone see it but Y/n?

Obviously, they always knew that Sunoo was attractive (although they’d never admit it). And yeah, maybe a small part of them did secretly enjoy having Sunoo’s attention - good or bad. But does that really mean that they like him? Like, want to go on dates and hold hands and kiss and post cute couple pictures with cheesy captions to annoy their friends kind of like? Surely not…

…

Okay, maybe.

But liking Kim Sunoo and wanting to date Kim Sunoo are two completely different things. You can like someone and leave it at that - a hypothetical crush with no real drive to transition into an actual relationship. Just someone to watch from afar and dream about until you either get over them or fall for someone else. That is exactly what Y/n plans to do with this whole crush thing. Sunoo, unfortunately, is not making this easy.

“Y/n!”

The sudden call of their name causes Y/n to jump slightly. That doesn’t sound like Intak. And Y/n doesn’t speak to any other men at school because, why would they? Which means it has to be…

“Do you know how long I’ve been looking for you?” Sunoo asks once he’s finally caught up to Y/n. They look like a deer caught in headlights, looking directly into the eyes of the one person they’ve spent all day avoiding.

Y/n is almost too distracted by the situation to process the words coming out of Sunoo’s mouth. He’s been looking for them? That should not make their heart flutter the way that it does.

“Where have you been?” Sunoo asks, his follow-up question finally breaking through the thoughts that are overflowing Y/n’s brain. “Oh, you know… around.” Y/n attempts to play it off, aimlessly waving their hand to appear as nonchalant as possible. Sunoo doesn’t buy it for a second, looking at Y/n with raised eyebrows. “Okay… well, I was wondering if you were busy this afternoon?” Sunoo asks. “This afternoon? There’s a game on.” Y/n says, causing Sunoo to chuckle slightly. “I know. I’m a cheerleader, remember? I was meaning before the game.”

They always get paninis with Intak before his games - something he claims gives him good luck. Despite this, Y/n can practically hear Intak screaming at them to say no, they’re not busy, and they’d love to spend the afternoon with Sunoo. But some part of them is holding back, scared of getting too close to Sunoo.

Sunoo notices Y/n’s hesitation and his face falls slightly, though he immediately covers it with an understanding smile. “Intak?” He asks, already knowing the answer. Y/n nods slowly, an overwhelming feeling of guilt washing over them. Why did feelings have to be so confusing?

Sunoo goes to walk away but Y/n suddenly calls out, their voice leaving their body before they even have time to comprehend the words. “You can come,” Sunoo stops in his tracks, turning around to look at Y/n once more. “If you want.” They add.

It’s silent for a moment before Sunoo smiles - not the sad one from before, a genuine smile. “Sure… how about I bring Yuna and Kazhua, too?” He asks. Sunoo’s not an idiot, he can tell how uncomfortable Y/n is in his presence. If he wants things to work out with them, he needs to give them time to get comfortable. If that means bringing their entire friend group on what he wanted to be a date, then so be it.

“I’d like that.” Y/n smiles.

“So uh… where are we going?” Yuna asks, curiously. Her grip tightens on Kazuha’s arm as the trio walk down the street. “That cheap Italian place down by the library.” Sunoo says, his words immediately causing Kazuha’s face to screw up. “Who gets Itallian before a game? Isn’t that more of a post-game meal?” She asks. Sunoo shrugs. “Apparently Intak needs his good-luck panini before every game and I’m not really in the mood to argue with our star player.”

“He plays like that because of a panini?” Kazuha asks, shocked. “It’s not the panini, idiot. It’s the fact that it’s his lucky food… think of it like manifesting.” Yuna explains. “But with paninis.”

Thankfully, the restaurant isn’t too far away from the school. It’s likely why Y/n and Intak started going. As soon as the group walks up to the little building, squished between the public library and a laundromat, Sunoo realises that it’s not as bad as he thought. Freshly painted with what looks to be a handmade sign hung carefully above the door and intricately decorated on the interior.

Stepping inside, the group’s eyes immediately land on Y/n and Intak. They’re the only customers in the restaurant, so it’s impossible to miss Intak’s wide smile and over-exaggerated wave.

“Wait, this place is so cute!” Kazuha exclaims, immediately going to sit down with Y/n and Intak. “How long have you two been gatekeeping this?” She continues, pointing her finger accusingly between Y/n and Intak. Y/n immediately raises their hands in surrender. “Ask Intak, he’s the one who didn’t want anyone stealing his luck.”

Intak’s eyes widen at Y/n’s statement. “Hey! Don’t turn this on me!” He exclaims, his face heating up slightly as the group laughs. “It’s okay, the golden boy just didn’t want anyone stealing his precious spot. No biggie.” Yuna teases, patting Intak’s shoulder with feigned sympathy as she moves to sit down as well - pushing Sunoo to sit in the spot next to Y/n before sliding in after him.

Sunoo attempts to keep some distance between himself and Y/n so as to not make them uncomfortable. Yuna doesn’t seem to get the message though, sliding into the booth and pressing Sunoo right into Y/n’s personal bubble. They don’t seem to mind though - judging by the subtle blush creeping up their neck and gentle smile on their lips.

“Is now a bad time to say that I’ve never had a panini before?” Yuna asks. ‘Oh god, don’t make him start.” Y/n mumbles. Their words fall on deaf ears, as Intak begins to ramble about paninis and all the amazing combinations you can have. Y/n zones out of the conversation, aimlessly flicking through the menu instead. 

“What do you recommend?” Sunoo asks, quietly. Y/n looks up at him with a raised brow. “Don’t trust Intak’s recommendations?” Y/n asks, jokingly. Their words cause Sunoo to chuckle quietly. “More like, I want to have your favourite.” Sunoo mumbles, playfully winking when Y/n’s face flushes.

This is going to be a long night.

“Oh, shit. What time do we have to be there tonight?” Yuna asks, pulling out her phone to check the time. “Practice starts at 5, game at 6. I’ve only told you, like, 4 times today.” Sunoo says, a not-so-subtle roll of his eyes earning him a slap on the arm. “Thanks, Kim Sunoo. Where would I be without you?” Yuna replies snarkily. “Not the game, that’s for sure.”

“Are you coming early too, Y/n?” Kazuha asks, finishing off the last bite of her panini. “I always do. Intak forces me to watch him practice.” Y/n says. “It’s not forcing! You can say no…” Intak pouts. “If I say no you get like this, which is not as cute as you think it is.” Y/n laughs, causing Intak’s mouth to drop in offence. “I am so cute! You’re just blind, clearly.”

“Maybe this time you can watch our cheer practice, instead.” Yuna suggests, “I know a certain someone would love that.” She continues, a little quieter so only Y/n and Sunoo can hear her. Y/n’s face heats up at the implication behind Yuna’s words as Sunoo nudges her in the side, his face telling her to knock it off.

“Or just watch boring Intak, whatever you want.” She finishes with a shug. “Since when was it International Bully Intak Day?” Intak asks, sulkily taking a bite of his (third) panini.

Intak gets pouty when Y/n doesn’t pay attention during his practice and games. Y/n has made that mistake far too many times, and now makes sure to keep their eyes on the field at all times. Why is tonight so much more difficult? Kim Sunoo… that’s why…

Y/n never really watched the cheerleaders before. Like they said, Intak got pouty. But tonight, their gaze can’t help but slowly drift to where Sunoo stands. They jump slightly as Sunoo tosses one of the smaller girls in the air, lifting her up like she’s nothing and catching her with equal ease.

He must be pretty strong.

Y/n immediately shakes the thought out of their head, looking back at the field. The game has long started since now, the bleachers filling up with loud, enthusiastic supporters all there to watch their team win. Intak’s on fire, as usual. The crowd roars with every point he scores, expecting nothing less from their school’s star player.

As Y/n fixates their full attention onto their best friend, they hardly notice Sunoo walking over to where they’re sat. Sunoo smiles down at Y/n, finding their concentration cute before playfully ruffling their hair.

“So, we’re pretending you weren’t literally staring me down a minute ago?” He asks, his words and action causing Y/n’s attention to immediately flicker to him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Y/n mumbles, swatting his hand away before fixing their now ruined hair. “Course you don’t, babe.” Sunoo replies, messing up Y/n’s hair once more before taking a seat next to them.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on the field… you know… cheering?” Y/n asks, trying to make it seem like they’re annoyed by his presence. Y/n’s never been an actor though and Sunoo can read right through them. “You expect me to cheer for the whole game? That’s so tiring.” Sunoo frowns. “I should get to have a good time, too.” He adds, sending a playful smile to Y/n.

That’s how Y/n and Sunoo ended up watching the game together. With every scored point, everyone around them got more enthusiastic - their excited movements pushing Y/n and Sunoo closer together. Neither of them minded, though.

Sunoo suddenly lets out a groan when he spots Yuna calling him back onto the field. “I have to go back.” He mumbles, looking at Y/n apologetically. “It’s okay… go do your thing.” Y/n smiles. Sunoo can’t help the way his smile mimics Y/n’s, even the tiniest bit of their happiness is contagious to him. God… they’re so pretty. Before he can even realise what he’s doing, Sunoo leans in to press a quick kiss against Y/n’s cheek, ruffling their hair once more as he stands before running back to the field, yelling about how he’ll “be back.”

Y/n sits there, stunned, for a moment. Did that really just happen? Did Sunoo just kiss them? They bring a hand up to gently press against the spot where Sunoo’s lips just were. The skin burns slightly at the touch, likely from the ever growing blush that seems to be constant whenever Sunoo’s around. It takes Y/n a handful of seconds to snap out of the fluttery trance Sunoo’s kiss put them in - and he didn’t even kiss them on the lips! This crush really is going to be the end of Y/n…

“WE WON!”

Intak’s yell could probably be heard from the other side of town. But Y/n doesn’t care, as they run happily into his open embrace. Every win for Intak is like the first; it’s only fair that Y/n matches his enthusiasm.

“You did so good, Takie.” Y/n says, giving Intak a loving squeeze before pulling away. Kazuha is next, running to give Intak a hug - much to the surprise of the rest of the group. “Guess we’re all hugging Intak.” Yuna shrugs, running up to him as well - making sure to grab Y/n on the way and pull them into the, now group hug.

Sunoo watches the group with an amused smile on his face. “Bring it in, bro.” Intak winks, making Sunoo laugh slightly. “Okay, bro.” Sunoo says teasingly, before joining the hug as well - making sure to take a position next to Y/n.

“Why are we hugging?” Y/n asks. “Because I did so amazingly that you guys just wanted to show how much you love me?” Intak asks, hopefully. “Whatever you say, buddy.” Yuna laughs.

Pulling away from the impromptu group hug, Y/n can’t help the way their eyes naturally drift to Sunoo, who was already looking at them. The rest of the group immediately notice their two friends, Yuna giving Kazuha a knowing nudge.

“Hey, Intak. Didn’t you need to show me and Yuna that… thing?” Kazuha asks, suspiciously. Intak’s face lights up at this. He loves this game. “Oh, that’s right! I almost forgot. I’ll go show you now. Just you, me and Yuna.” Intak says. Sunoo has to stop himself from physically face palming at the performance. “I think they get the hint.” Yuna laughs, grabbing the two by the arm and pulling them away from Y/n and Sunoo.

“Well that wasn’t suspicious at all.” Sunoo jokes. “What would he even have in his car to show them?” Y/n laughs, looking back in the direction the three went, only to spot them not-so-subtly crouched behind the bleachers. “They’re watching us.” Y/n mumbles. “Of course they are.”

Silence falls between the two as Sunoo appears to have a sudden wave of nerves wash over him. Y/n looks up at him with slight concern - Sunoo doesn’t normally get nervous. “Look… I just wanted to say that I had a really good time with you today… it’s nice to just hang out without working… or yelling at each other.” Sunoo starts, causing Y/n to laugh slightly. “We do yell at each other quite a bit.” They agree. “That’s not stopping, by the way. If you do dumb shit I will call you out on it.” Y/n playfully warns, causing Sunoo to laugh. “Oh, 100%. Just like how I’m going to keep purposefully getting on your nerves.” Sunoo teases.

Due to the conversation taking a playful turn, Sunoo’s nerves start to subside. “Look, I know this is all very sudden for you so I don’t expect an answer straight away but, I was wondering if you wanted to-” 

“-yes.”

Sunoo’s eye brows furrow slightly at Y/n cutting him off. “Would you let me say it?” He asks, teasingly, causing Y/n to laugh. “Sorry, I got excited… keep going.” Y/n urges him to continue, looking at him with a playful smile. “I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date… with me… and not our friends, this time.” Sunoo asks, smiling gently.

Y/n can’t stop the giddy feeling that’s building up in their stomach. It’s almost like they want to start jumping around, they’re so restless. Never in their entire life would they have thought that they would have these feelings about Kim Sunoo… guess the heart works in mysterious ways.

Y/n nods enthusiastically, jumping to pull Sunoo into a tight hug. “This is new.” Sunoo comments, hugging back nonetheless. “Sorry, I’m just weirdly excited and I didn’t know how to say it in words.” Y/n mumbles against Sunoo’s shoulder. “Don’t apologise… I could definitely get used to this.” Sunoo says, tightening his grip around Y/n’s waist.

The two stand there for a few seconds, trapped in their own little bubble. Their precious moment is soon interrupted by the hushed whispers of their friends, who still haven’t left their hiding spot. Sunoo pulls away with a groan, shooting a fake glare towards the others. “Okay… let’s go get those idiots.” He says, wrapping an arm around Y/n’s shoulder to pull them in the direction of the rest of the group.

“So, just so we’re being clear… our next date is gonna be with our friends, too?”

“Without, Y/n. Without.”

“Sorry without… Yuna and Kazuha, but Intak is coming.”

“Bring Intak and you’re not getting a second date.”

“I’m just teasing. Besides, I doubt you can stay away from me after this.”

“You know what? I’m starting to regret confessing to you.”

As the two playfully bicker back and forth, Yuna, Kazuha and Intak notice them coming over and decide to leave their hiding spot. “So the lovebirds finally got together, huh?” Yuna asks, earning eyerolls from Y/n and Sunoo. “Nothing’s official yet so don’t jinx it.” Sunoo warns, causing Yuna to look at him with a teasing smile. “So I shouldn’t talk about how you’re madly in love with Y/n and it’s taken you literally years to-” Yuna’s ramble gets cut off by Sunoo charging at her, causing her to end her sentence early with a loud squeal.

“Zuha, help!” Yuna exclaims as she attempts to run away from Sunoo. As the three friends laugh and chase each other around the now empty field, Y/n feels the sudden presence of Intak resting his chin on the top of their head.

“You look really happy.” He comments, the simple words causing Y/n’s smile to spread even further across their face. “I am.” They reply. “Sunoo’s cool… he’ll treat you well.” Intak mumbles, yawning slightly due to it getting later. Y/n snorts slightly at his words, playfully elbowing him in the stomach. “Why are you acting like my dad?” They ask, earning a shrug from their best friend. “I’m just happy that you’re happy.”

SUNDAY - 9 DAYS AFTER PROM:

Walking into the community centre feels a lot different on this particular day compared to all the previous times. Perhaps it’s due to the fluttery feeling in Y/n’s chest at the thought of seeing Sunoo again. They haven’t seen him since Friday night, where they agreed to go on a date. They did, however, text throughout most of yesterday.

Minho is back in his position at the front desk, with Jay, Beomgyu and Seonghwa in various other parts of the reception area. Sunoo also stands in the reception area, signing in for the day.

“Y/n, come and clear this up for me.” Minho says as soon as Y/n makes their way through the sliding glass doors. Their eyebrows furrow slightly but oblige nonetheless, not wanting to piss of Minho this early in the day.

“This kid says that you and Sunoo didn’t argue at all last week.” Minho scoffs, pointing accusingly at Jay, who holds his hands up in defence. “I honestly didn’t even know they were the problem kids until like, 2 hours into the shift.” Jay argues. “We didn’t argue.” Y/n shrugs, causing all the adults to look at them in shock. Sunoo tries to hold back his smile as he finishes signing in, unfortunately not going unnoticed by Beomgyu.

“Did something happen between you two?” Beomgyu asks with a smirk on his face, throwing his arm over Sunoo’s shoulder and shaking him a few times. “Beomgyu, that’s none of our business.” Seonghwa attempts to scold. “I see blushing.” Minho teases, pointing at Y/n’s face. “Let’s just get to work, are we going back to the old schedule?” Y/n asks, turning their attention fully to Seonghwa. He almost looks startled by Y/n’s question. “Can I trust you two to work together properly?” He asks, looking at both Y/n and Sunoo suspiciously. The teens quickly nod. “Okay… we’ll go back to the old schedule. You two will be in with Beomgyu today and then you’ll start fresh with Jay in clothes next week.”

“Okay but like… you guys are dating now, right?” Beomgyu asks as he walks into the food storage room, a large box of bread in his hand. Y/n and Sunoo look at each other, both questioning his words. That’s not even something they’re sure of. They agreed to go on a date… does that mean they are dating?

Beomgyu notices the confusion and chuckles slightly. “We’re not labelling it, huh? I remember those days.” He smiles, placing the box on the table. “Just try not to let it get in the way of your work… no matter how hard that might be.” Beomgyu says, almost as if he’s speaking from personal experience.

WEDNESDAY - 12 DAYS AFTER PROM:

Going on a date with Sunoo is exciting and terrifying at the same time. Everything is changing… they went from spending all of their time with Intak, to suddenly being in a friend group with Intak, Sunoo, Yuna and Kazuha. What if this thing with Sunoo doesn’t actually work out? Their friend groups have already basically intertwined and Intak seems to really enjoy having the others around. The last thing Y/n wants is to ruin it for him. They really like Sunoo, too. This needs to work out.

“Stop worrying about shit that isn't going to happen." Intak playfully scolds, softly hitting Y/n over the head with his book. The act immediately snaps Y/n out of their thoughts, making them look up at Intak with a small pout. "You didn't have to hit me." They mumble. "Yes, I did. You've been like this all day. Your date tonight's gonna go fine. I don't get why you're so worried." Intak says. "I'm just scared that I'll mess everything up." Y/n frowns, shaking their head in their hands in an attempt to silence their negative thoughts.

"You didn't mess it up when you literally hated him… how could you mess it up now that you like him?" Y/n struggles to argue with Intak's logic. They know that their insecurities are irrational and yet there's still this tiny part of their brain, shouting about how terribly this is all going to go.

"Well, no time to be insecure, here he comes." Intak says, gesturing over Y/n's shoulder before walking off.

The sudden presence of an arm around their shoulder causes y/n's entire body to relax. They know it's Sunoo; it always is.

"Where's he going?" Sunoo asks. "You scared him off." Y/n jokes back, causing Sunoo to laugh slightly. "Hey! I'm not even remotely threatening, thank you." He argues, pinching Y/n's shoulder. Strange how as soon as Y/n is in the presence of Sunoo, all their negative thoughts from before seem to mysteriously vanish.

"Are you all good with going right now? Or did you want to head home first?" Sunoo asks. "Well I didn't bring my car today and my ride just abandoned me so, I guess now works." Y/n shrugs.

Dinner and a movie - the most timeless first date. There's enough time at dinner to talk and get to know each other whilst also being able to just ignore each other during the movie if the dinner part doesn't go to plan. Y/n and Sunoo don't exactly have to get to know each other, though. It's more just getting to know this new side of each other.

So far on the date, Y/n has learnt that Sunoo is quite the gentleman. They're not sure if he's just pulling out all the stops because they're on a date or if he usually treats his partners like this but the chivalry is spot on. Letting y/n choose the restaurant, holding open the door, pulling out their chair, the works.

"You know," Sunoo starts, pointing a fry in Y/n's direction. "You never actually told me that you like me." Y/n rolls their eyes at his statement. "Yes Sunoo, I agreed to go on a date with you because I don't like you." They reply sarcastically. Sunoo holds his hands up in defence. "Is it wrong for me to want to know how my date feels about me?" Sunoo asks teasingly. Y/n's heart flutters at the word date but they try to ignore it. "When you're only asking because you want to hear me say it, yes."

Sunoo looks at Y/n expectantly, making them sigh. "Fine… I really like you, Sunoo." Y/n says, the genuine tone in their voice makes Sunoo smile brightly. "I really like you, too." He replies. Y/n grumbles something about him being stupid, which makes Sunoo laugh before turning back to his food.

"Okay, they didn't have any mint chocolate left which is… honestly criminal, but they had your favourite so I just got two of them." Sunoo says, happily handing Y/n an ice cream cone. "How did you know cookie dough is my favourite?" Y/n asks suspiciously. They have had many conversations with Sunoo, none of which involved anything they liked.

"You always bring those little cookie snack bars to the community centre… so I just took a guess." He shrugs. Y/n's eyes narrow at Sunoo. "What else do you know about me?" They ask, making him laugh slightly. "I'm very observant, so, a lot. You'll find out eventually." Sunoo winks, causing Y/n’s eyebrows to furrow.

Once the two find their seats, Sunoo pulls out the rest of the snacks that he had snuck into the theatre (why would he buy a bag of lollies for $6 when he could get the same ones at the grocery store for $2.50?) Y/n’s eyes widen as Sunoo lays out the snacks he had brought, each one being one of Y/n’s favourites.

“Okay, you’re messing with me now. You asked Intak for help, didn’t you?” Y/n asks, skeptically. “I swear, I didn’t.” Sunoo says, only confusing Y/n further. “Then how did you know to get me all of this? Y/n asks, their eyes shining in awe as they look at Sunoo. “Y/n… I’ve liked you for… almost 2 years now? It’d be weirder if I didn’t know about these kinds of things.” Y/n’s eyes widen at Sunoo’s words. It’s as if all the air has been knocked out of their lungs. “You’ve liked me for two years?” Y/n asks, almost in disbelief. “Why didn’t you say anything?” They ask, going to hit Sunoo’s shoulder but Sunoo catches their hand instead, holding it gently in his. “Be honest, Y/n. Would you have liked me back 2 years ago?” He asks. Y/n falls silent. They both know the answer to that. “I don’t know what to say.” Y/n mumbles. Sunoo smiles, reaching over with his other hand to ruffle their hair. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Their hands stay intertwined throughout the entire movie. It just feels right, the coolness of his skin contrasting against Y/n’s warmth. The way they each tighten their grip whenever a particularly tense scene plays or how Sunoo’s thumb gently grazes over Y/n’s knuckles when a sad one does. Neither wants to let go. Even when the movie comes to an end, the lights in the theatre turn on and everyone starts getting out of their seats, their hands stay intertwined.

“Okay, turn right at the next street.”

“No, the one after that.”

“There’s like this big tree, remember? That’s the one.”

“You missed the turn off.”

“Has anyone ever told you, you’re really bad at giving directions?” Sunoo laughs, as he does yet another u-turn. “Why do you think I’m usually the one driving? I don’t give directions, I take them.” Y/n grumbles. “We’re going to your house, Y/n. Surely, you know how to get there.” Sunoo laughs. “I’ve never been this way so I don’t know the names of anything.” Y/n argues. “Babe… use google maps.”

With an exaggerated sigh, Y/n finally pulls out their phone and types their address into google maps. “There, since I’m clearly no help.” Y/n pouts, shoving their phone on the dashboard. Sunoo can’t help but smile affectionately as he watches Y/n sulk. He reaches over to playfully pull at their cheek, causing them to swat his hand away. “You’re so cute.” Sunoo coos, laughing at the way Y/n’s face immediately turns a dark shade of pink. They mumble a quiet shut up reaching forward to link their hands with one of his, once again.

By the time Sunoo pulls up outside of Y/n’s house, they’re no longer sulking. Sunoo puts the car in park, taking off his seatbelt before turning to Y/n with a smile. “I had a really nice time tonight.” He says, reaching forward to take hold of Y/n’s hands. “Me too.” Y/n smiles. “And I’d like to do this more… a lot more.” Sunoo says. “Me too.” Y/n laughs, feeling overwhelmed with the amount of affection they feel towards the boy in front of them.

“Can I be your boyfriend, Y/n?”

Time in the car seems to stop just as those words left Sunoo’s lips. Kim Sunoo… as Y/n’s boyfriend? Months ago, Y/n would’ve thought that to be one of the worst things to happen to them. A form of torture… they’d probably say. But now… as they sit in Sunoo’s car, their hands intertwined with his, after one of the best first dates they’ve ever been on… they can think of nothing they want more.

Well… maybe they can think of one thing they want more. As their eyes flicker down to Sunoo’s lips, Y/n can’t help the overwhelming thoughts of how they would feel pressed against their own. Sunoo seems to notice, with the way the corners of his mouth turn up into a slight smirk. Is he licking his lips subconsciously? Or is he trying to drive Y/n even crazier than they already feel?

Y/n realises they haven’t answered Sunoo’s question. With their mind racing a mile a minute, they don’t even know what to say. Y/n’s brain flashes back to what Sunoo said earlier in the night… You don’t have to say anything.

Y/n decides to communicate their thoughts through their actions, not trusting their brain or voice to formulate a better response. With a simple nod of the head, Y/n slowly leans in, their eyes fluttering closed as they finally feel Sunoo’s plush lips against their own.

Y/n hasn’t kissed enough people to know what makes the perfect kiss but they reckon this one comes pretty close. They were never one for cliches, but the sparks, the butterflies, everything’s there. Everything’s right.

Maybe Intak was right (this seems to be a pattern recently.) As their lips dance together, Y/n can’t help but think that nothing with Sunoo could go wrong. They know it’s unrealistic, that all good relationships run into problems along the way, but that’s for future Y/n and future Sunoo to worry about. Right now, they can just relax in their ignorant bliss.

THE END

[azure-firecracker]

ATLA Live Action Stream of Consciousness (Episode 1, Part 3).

How does Gran Gran know all of this (how does she know that Aang is the avatar?)

I AM SORRY ANIMATED KATARA WOULD NOT GO HIDE BECAUSE SOKKA TOLD HER TO! Yeah character reinterpretation is a thing but no.

Okay Katara’s monologue to Sokka I see her character there she is! And confirmed the problem was the directing because Kiawentiio acted the hell out of that. Now do more of it! I have also seen her energy in interviews and I know she can bring the power if they just…let her.

“Lord of snow and ice” lmao

Zuko continues to be a reckless idiot that’s good (don’t fall for it-proceeds to fall for it)

I wonder if the substitution of “glory” for “honor” has any deeper connotations because those words don’t mean the same thing.

I know the Water Tribe being SO unprepared for war was a key point in the original but I did like the moment with the village kids I thought it was sweet.

Okay Zuko is the one instance so far where I liked someone saying “burn it all down” because I’ve seen all the comments about him being soft and this reminded me that no, he’s still a bad guy for now.

Who told Kiawentiio to stop moving the second Ian Ousley touched her? That struggle (when she’s trying to stop Aang from turning himself in) doesn’t look realistic at all I’ve seen better stage directions in my high school theater productions. Somebody hire new directors.

I know the Aang and Iroh scene is fanservice and I don’t care.

This Iroh is more overtly conflict averse and I like that we may be exploring that some more. I love Iroh but I’m also glad for the chance to get to see some of his flaws.

The transition onto the Water Siblings flying on Appa was awesome and very reminiscent of the cartoon. I don’t personally need this to resemble the cartoon too much in terms of energy because I can tell it’s so different, but those moments are nice.

God Zuko’s room looks like an emo theater kid’s room too.

He has a fucking detective wall it’s my murder mystery fanfic! Wish fulfillment! (Also self plug here’s the only fanfic I’ve ever finished I’m fond of it and you should check it out).

There’s some good old Zuko yelling.

Katara waterbending moment! Nice!

How are there 15 minutes left in the episode?

They’re fitting…another episode in here? Okay.

I’ve seen people say that it doesn’t make sense to have Aang go into the Avatar State when he sees Gyatso’s skeleton since he already knew about the genocide. I think it passes since seeing something is different than hearing about it. I do, however, think that we didn’t need to see the genocide, have Gran Gran tell Aang about the genocide, and see Aang react to Gyatso’s skeleton. One of those (probably the middle one) could have easily been removed to make time for some more character moments or something.

I miss Katara pulling Aang out of the Avatar state. The vision is nice but having it be Katara emphasized the power of friendship and family which they literally did…so why couldn’t they do it in a way that made Katara more useful? Because book 1 Katara already veers in the damsel in distress direction (ish-more so than in later books) without them taking away when she does important things. I did love the Katara/Aang hug though.

THE TRANSITION TO ZUKO WHEN AANG WAS LIKE “THIS WAS MY HOME AND NOW IT’S GONE” NARRATIVE FOILS MY BELOVED!

[asexualasshat]

Okay I’m envisioning this as platonic but hear me out but what if back when Jonathan is just a little 14 year old and it’s a few months into high school. Kids who were his friends in middle school now avoid him like the plague. It makes sense why he got less and less calls to hang out over the summer. The only person who’s remotely near his orbit is Nancy wheeler, but they only talk when it comes to their bothers, which isn’t often these days since Nancy doesn’t spend much time with Mike. So he’s alone. But he’s fine, he’s mostly content with himself.

He’s usually busy with his brother, anyway. A few years back Will and his friends started playing dnd. And Will loves it. It’s one of the few things that really gets him talking these days. So Jonathan has heard quite a lot about it. Right now, Will is planning his first campaign. And Will is wonderfully creative, but he’s also painfully insecure. So he’s struggling. He’s always asked to pass his chance to dm before because he didn’t feel it would be nice enough. But Mike gave him a pep talk, so he’s doing it. But the first session is next week and he’s getting nowhere.

So he and Jonathan talk about it. They figure out some minor details, but little else. Still, Jonathan jots down some notes so he can try and percolate on it.

And a day or two laters he’s hiding outside at the back of the school at lunch. And who walks by but this guy he knows from his math class with hair awkwardly to his chin. Eddie Munson. And usually he doesn’t say anything, actually he’s never said a word to Eddie. But Jonathan knows that last year, someone started a DND club at school. And Eddie? In it.

So Jonathan flags him down. And Eddie was expecting Jonathan to be buying, since he’d picked up a dealing gig over the summer. But no. Instead Jonathan whips out his notebook. Explains that his kid brother is trying to dm but he’s stuck and could use some advice. So Eddie’s a bit shook. But then he’s Eddie so he’s like ‘hit me’

And he spitballs a few ideas. Gives some dming advice. It’s maybe a ten minute conversation. And then they part ways cordially.

Will already knows about the highschool club, Jonathan had excitedly told him weeks ago. But now he tells Will he talked to a guy there and got some advice. Will takes it into consideration. Some ideas he rolls with. Others aren’t quite right, but it usually sets him off with another idea. The advice seems to help. Rather than dejectedly staring at his books, he’s making little bullet point notes and reading paragraphs rapidly.

The first few sessions go well. A few weeks later, he’s approached by Eddie at lunch again. They talk about it. Jonathan honestly can’t keep up with details much, but relays what he knows. Eddie talks about though how he has been a dm before, he’s being allowed to run a one shot for the club for the first time. So he gets the nerves.

Again, the conversation is short.

They rarely talk. Only in these bursts every month or two. It’s unclear why they can’t mesh the friendship gap. Maybe because they’re both broke freaks, you’d think they’d be a perfect match. But for some reason they never bridge the gap. They almost exclusively talk about whatever campaign Will kid is involved with, be it dming or playing.

So when it’s time for the kids freshman year, Eddie is looking out. He knows Jonathan’s brother won’t be there, that he’d moved. But he knows his friends are here. He figures out who they are pretty much right away. And sure, maybe it makes him latch on a little extra since Jonathan talked so fondly about them.

Time passes and spring break is over. And everyone is back in hawkins and moods are low. But Jonathan has been given the rundown on everything Eddie did to help. And how he almost died but sure didn’t.

For the record, Max is also fine and is just down the hall. She’s recovering and taking a pleasant nap from which she’ll awake within a few hours.

So Eddie’s in his hospital bed and will comes in with the kids, on a visiting rotation kinda thing. And they’re taking. And then Jonathan is like “oh, hey will. Remember the guy from school I’d asked dnd questions to? That’s Eddie.”

And everyone’s eyes light up. They all knew Will had gotten big kid advice. Over the years, every now and then one of them would pester Jonathan to go get answers. And occasionally, Jonathan obliged. He’d not wanted to bother Eddie too often.

And Eddie is also still really excited that he’s meeting will the wise, in the flesh, even though they’d met for the first time a few days before. And so he’s like “you know, Will. Every one of these morons in here won’t shut up about you.”

And will is blushing but everyone is having a great time. And they’re tentatively planning a one shot for once they’re discharged.

And Eddie and Jonathan talk more in coming times. About how they’d each been too oddly nervous to approach the other for actual friendship. Jonathan had seemed to look like he’d rather be alone. And Eddie had seemed to look like he’d leave Jonathan behind. Neither true, but the feelings were valid. But they’re kinda bonded now.

Maybe even to the extent that Jonathan might try playing again

[twilightknight17]

Last night on P3R: middle-school SEES, struggling with my social calendar, the Abyss of Time, questionable movie choices, and oh god we finished Sunset and now I’m hitting sad stuff in everything else I’m playing/watching too.

I’m still in Tartarus from last time, so I can knock out a few more floors before we go home. I’ve been introduced to a new thing, though, and it’s a Big Hand!

I kind of love how goofy the hands are. They do a little dance and sometimes it syncs up with the music. ^_^

After that, it’s time for the next gatekeeper floor! And it’s--

...oh. Oh god. Is this it? I’m not ready for this. I’ve got Mitsuru with me, but oh man. Not the Table.

……

...false alarm. This is a Terminal Table, not a Crying Table. We’re safe for a little longer.

That wasn’t so bad.

Also, I got a weapon for Shinji as a quest reward, and it’s a crossing sign from in front of a school. It’s so silly.

I rolled through the next set of floors pretty quick, but I don’t think anyone’s quite prepared to take on another gatekeeper. Everyone is pretty drained in terms of SP. So we’re gonna head home for the night, and go learn some more nonsense from school tomorrow.

...all right, actually an acceptable discussion related to the book we’re reading. But hey, sometimes your soulmate can be your rival! Seven years from now, two rival soulmates are gonna be climbing through a cognitive space station!

This is not a fair discussion when Minato’s soulmate still isn’t here for another month and a half.

Anyway, Mitsuru is very worried about Shinji. He wants to extend his leave of absence from school again even though he’s come back to the dorm. So I guess he’s been absent for two years now? She really wants him to re-enroll, though. She, Akihiko, and Shinji were the only three members of SEES originally, back when the three of them were in middle school.

Apparently they could barely handle the first floor of the tower, which… They were children, so I’m not surprised. No adult supervision, either, and Mitsuru only had minor navi powers. I’m surprised none of them got killed. At least Ken has all of us who’ve already learned to fight to keep him safe.

They promised that they’d all graduate high school together, which explains why Mitsuru is so invested. She clearly cares about both of them a lot.

You can hand over the extension form here, but there’s also the option to hold onto them and go find Shinji to talk again. So… I guess you can literally just end the events there if you choose to not take the form back and go pry.

...there’s nothing we can do?

And any miracles I can make will come too late. If only my sister was here… It’s just a cruel twist of fate that which twin survives the car accident determines whether Shinji can live ten years later.

He says he’s happy to spend time with me, though.

This isn’t fair, you can’t hit me like this after the fic Jade and I finished and the end of MGS4 and the fic my other friend is writing AND--

God. And he doesn’t want to tell anyone.

At least Junpei is happy. He really, really likes Chidori. But he’s willing to go at her pace on everything.

Good for you, my guy.

Let’s go upstairs and check on Ken. He’s banging something around in his room, so probably good to make sure that he hasn’t dropped a box on his head or something.

He’s fine, but he does ask me to come in, because he wants to ask for a favor. Turns out, he’s got a pet hamster!

...you’re gonna be fine, Ken. But okay. What’s the little guy’s name?

……amazing. Yes, I will take care of Hamburger, but I’m also not gonna let anything happen to you. Everyone here is going to take care of you. You’ve noticed, right?

Because you’re the youngest and you’re our collective baby brother/kid. No one wants you to get hurt, and it’s unnerving how you talk like you don’t matter, and like you’re not planning to make it through all this alive.

Maybe school will be less depressing. It’s a good day to go to art club. Apparently Keisuke’s dad is very enthusiastic about him studying art abroad! And he says he’s going to go! But then he immediately says he’s not excited about it, so… Keisuke, seriously. What do you want to do?

Ah, well, I’m sure he’ll figure it out.

And then a box falls on Minato’s head, and everything goes dark.

Keisuke gets Mina to the nurse’s office, and after he wakes up, checks him over. Apparently Minato has dodged a concussion. He blames himself, because apparently he’s the one who put the box on the shelf. He’s not used to cleaning, because the maid does all of that at home.

Right. Sure. Careless at cleaning because of the maid. Cool.

He really seems to like the idea of being a doctor, and he’s afraid that if he goes to become an artist, that’s it, he can never be a doctor.

So… sounds like you made a decision, dude.

Keisuke. What. Do. You. Want. For fuck’s sake.

Anyway. So people have been talking about the culture festival all week. There’s gonna be a haunted house. There’s gonna be fried food. The archery club was gonna do a maid cafe, which I know because Yukari was so mad she was gonna have to wear a maid dress.

But, a typhoon is rolling in, so the festival is canceled, and isn’t gonna be rescheduled despite Mitsuru’s efforts. And after school on Friday, we head straight home, because the wind is starting to really kick up.

But… there’s still one person wandering around Port Island Station.

He’s not worried about the oncoming storm. He wants to talk, specifically about Chidori. He asked if she was okay. If we were taking care of her. If she was being a problem.

...no, you dumb asshole.

He also wants to bitch at me again about how we want to stop the Dark Hour.

Apathy? Maybe if you’d caught me six months ago. I have people I like now, and a reason to care. Meanwhile, you’re sitting there talking about how I don’t understand the ‘true value’ of my powers. What value is that? Wandering around at midnight killing people, like you do?

Minato is drenched by the time we get back to the dorm, because the downpour has kicked in and the typhoon has properly arrived. Everyone is a little cranky about missing the festival (except Yukari), and Minato’s got chills and fatigue from getting soaked, so he opts to go to bed early because he’s not feeling well.

…uh. Hi? Is the elevator about to crash?

Igor says that he hasn’t called me in my dreams in a while, and wants to open up some more special fusions for me to do. Which is great and all, but like… I am trying to sleep because I am sick. Can we do this any other time?

I see. Well, that’s… vague? Are you talking about like… the other Full Moon Shadows? The Clockwork God? Do you know what’s about to happen and won’t tell me? Although I guess you can’t help it, considering who made you.

Even if he wasn’t always like that.

Well, let’s get a good night’s sleep and see how we feel in the morni--

Minato. Mina. Darling. It’s MONDAY. You slept for TWO DAYS?

So, according to Q, Minato was feeling well enough that the team went to Tartarus last night. And Igor left the Velvet Room at some point, making it unstable enough to crash the elevator into the Abyss of Time. Apparently it’s not just the Abyss that no one remembers. They don’t seem to remember the instigating trip to Tartarus either.

Weird. But understandable I guess.

Anyway I missed two days of possibly playing my MMO all day. You could have at least showed me my teammates checking on me!

I guess I’ll spend my vacation hanging out with Shinji. Senpaiiii, teach me to cook!

...senpai is mean. XD

But apparently I’m a menace in the kitchen, so maybe I deserve it.

Let’s go to the movies, too!

Yes, we’re seeing this. It’s a movie about cute animals!

…….oh fuck me this is Watership Down isn’t it

Shinjiro-senpai I’m so sorry.

He sounds like he’s about to cry. X’’’’D

I thought it was a nice movie!!!!

Well, now someone has wandered into Tartarus again, so let’s head back, and check in with the Velvet Room about those new fusions. I’m not a high enough level for them yet, but it can’t hurt to look.

...why does it get its own fire attack. Why does it inflict charm.

WHY IS ITS LEVEL UP ITEM ITS HEAD. WHAT HEAD.

God.

After buying everyone new weapons and fusing some more personas, we’re probably going to be in Tartarus for a while. Because, well…

I’m broke.

So next time, yeah, we’re gonna save people, but also, time to look for so much money.

[symmetricalkazekage]

Story time!! I had joined Tumblr years ago after a friend showed it to me, but I never really used it. But then my lovely friend @m1dnyt3-w0lf sent me a tmnt fic and I was swept up (I had fallen in love with tmnt again at this point).

We are currently in the middle of writing our own chaptered stories, beta-reading off each other, but I wrote her this last year for new years, and I just wanted to share it. She gave me her self insert character to use, so I present to you my Leo x OC fic (the first fanfic I've written since 2016 👀).

Feel free to change the name as you read, and please leave me critique.

Also tagging @turtle-babe83 and @thelaundrybitch because I really like your writing and you kinda got me back into writing 😖🙏🏽

The holiday season, Christmas. Just like all the previous years it had come and gone all too quickly. Eventually to a point where you didn’t even feel the holiday cheer anymore, all the while people around you were all festive. Your Christmas was spent working overtime, extra shifts, over 2 jobs. You didn’t really have anyone to spend the holidays with anyway, so you kept your self busy by working, sometimes pulling all-nighters. Everyone, coworkers and customers alike always asked the same question, “Why are you working, it’s Christmas!”; your answer always being that you could use the extra money coming into the new year. You always received pitiful looks, but you were numb to them now.

You were mopping the floors of the diner at your second job, finally closing after the late evening rush. Your mind flooded back to 6 years ago, to when you were kicked out of your home and your family. You were always the odd duckling in the family, but when you started bringing up that you wanted to pursue full time work instead of college, you were immediately thrown out. Everything you owned tossed into the snow, which wasn’t much. A “Good luck” was all you got from them. You had couch surfed for the few months left of high school before you graduated. A month later you landed a job in a warehouse that paid it employees’ good money. 2 years later everyone who helped you was repaid and you had moved into a small apartment somewhere in lower Manhattan in New York. You got a transfer to a closer warehouse and managed to picked up a night job at a diner 2 blocks away from home. It was a struggle at first, but now, everything was so natural to you. You smiled wryly to yourself in bitter triumph.

‘See, I can succeed without college,’ you muttered into the space.

‘Well, you’ve definitely proven that.’

Fight mode kicked in; you spun around swinging the mop with you ready to beat a bitch down! You relaxed when you saw your manager Jenny standing there with a grin and a bag.

‘Oh crap, sorry Jenny!’ you yelled frantically dropping the mop and fumbling with the handle.

‘At ease Ashley, I came to tell you that you can go home now. You’re already here 3 hours passed your finish time,’ she smiled taking the mop from you, ‘and I am more than capable to finish up here.’

‘It’s okay I’m nearly done anyway,’ you said reaching for the mop, only to have it pulled form your grasp.

‘I’m serious, missy. You worked through Thanksgiving and Christmas; its New Year’s Eve and you’re still working!’

‘It’s not a bother honestly!’ You tried to protest, but she just shook her head. You watched her walk behind the counter with the mop, only to trade it with your bag and winter jacket.

‘But it bothers me, do you really not have anyone waiting for you tonight?’ Your phone pinged answering her question. ‘Ah, so there is a someone is there?’ she winked.

You pulled out your phone. ‘Nope, just the phone company letting me know my bill is due next week.’

‘Aw, that’s a shame. You’re such a pretty girl, you really need a boyfriend.’

You just laughed as you pulled your coat on and headed for the door, wishing your boss a happy new year. The cold New York wind hit you as you headed home. Its not like you wanted to be alone, you just kept everyone at a distance for safety. Well, almost everyone. You looked up to the sky, watching the snow begin to fall again. You weren’t surprised when you saw a giant figure bound from roof to roof under the cover of darkness, it also didn’t surprise you when you saw the figure stop on the corner of your apartment building. So, he’s here again, is he?

You walked into your apartment, placing your bag on the couch. You stood there for five minutes before thinking “what the hell” and headed to your window, climbing back out into the frigid air and up the fire escape. You were puffing and heaving by the time you reached the roof, why am I doing this again?

‘Need a hand?’ That’s why.

You looked up to the face of the smooth voice. Of course, he would be here, it had become religious at this point.

‘Thank you, Leonardo,’ you said breathless reaching for his hand. It always astounded you just by the sheer size different. You knew you were short, but standing next to him, definitely made you feel it. And it made you mad. ‘Do you have to be that fucking tall?'

‘Do you have to ask that same question every time we meet?’ he laughed.

‘Yes. I. Do!’

He laughed again, and you melted inside. It was like music, and you felt blessed every time you heard it. And that smile, made your knees weak on sight. He followed behind you to the other side of the building where a table and chairs sat, mainly for those that hung their washing during the hot days. You set your still hot food down on the table top before you turned and leant against it. Looking up, you jumped a little to see Leonardo standing close to you. His brilliant blue eyes glowing in the low light of the night.

‘Why are you here again Leonardo, I’m sure you have better things to do.’ You didn’t mean it to sound so dejected, but that’s how you were feeling.

‘Crime’s been slow since it’s New Years. And how many times have I told you to call me “Leo”?’ he shifted closer ever so slightly.

‘I’ve lost count at this point.’ You turned your head to the side, he wasn’t even that close, but you could still feel the heat radiating off his body. ‘Also how are you not cold, aren’t you a reptile?’

‘Donnie says its because of the mutagen, Raph says its because the stress keeps me running, and Mikey says and I quote “It’s because you’re too hot to handle dude!” so I really don’t know.’ He laughed again, but from the corner of your eye you watched his shoulders slump.

‘What’s up?’ you asked walking around the table.

‘It doesn’t bother you that I’m a mutant?’ he asked.

Not this again. ‘No, it doesn’t.’

‘I don’t scare you?’ his head dropped; he was no longer looking at you.

‘No, you don’t. why are we doing this again?’ food forgotten, your face scowled. You could never understand his self-sabotage. It was completely on accident that you had seen him and his brothers, you were just chilling on the roof when they dropped in. You were surprised at first, but you simply tossed them some chocolate and wished them a good evening before disappearing back into your building. Since then, Leonardo had made it his goal to annoy you, visiting almost every night. Originally, he said it was to make sure you wouldn’t say anything to anyone. But now, he had probably listed every excuse in the book to be where he is now. At first it bothered you, but then, you began to warm up to him. And eventually, you heart had decided that he was the one it wanted.

“…do you really not have anyone waiting for you tonight?” echoed through your mind as you stared at the giant turtle in front of you. The longer you stared, the harder it was for you to hide the blush that was forming; even harder to resist the smile that was forming at the corner of your lips. I actually do this time. You didn’t wait for his answer, you just scooped up the snow into a ball and threw it at his face.

‘If I was scared of you, I wouldn’t have done that…’ you said triumphantly at his stunned face, ‘or… THIS!!’ you threw another snowball at his face, your smile full of sass and devious planning; your heart flipping with glee. New Year’s resolution: be happy for me for once. ‘So, what are you gonna do about it, Le-o-nar-do?’

He blinked before he wiped the snow off his snout, wiping away any self-doubt; replacing it with the most evil grin you’d seen on his face. It made you shiver with delight. He didn’t say anything, he just charged for you at full speed. You dodged him, skidding under the water tank. You quickly made another snow ball ducking out and pegging it at the back of his head. It hit him square, and you watched him shiver; snow must’ve gone down his shell. He turned on you again, giving you no chance to make more ammo. You ducked back under the tank backing out the other end with more snow in your hand. You ran out into the open with the new ball and turned ready to throw; but he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Your eyes scanned every inch of the roof, stepping as quietly as you could with your guard up.

‘Boo.’

You spun and went to throw your weapon, but he was much faster, catching your arm like it was nothing. You dropped the winter ball; time seeming to stop around you as you stood mere inches from each other. The height difference meant you had to crane your neck to see him, but it didn’t seem to bother you this time. He lowered your arm, but his grip didn’t leave you; instead he began to gently massage small circles into your wrist. Those small motions made your heart race as you instinctively moved closer, as did he. You both began breathing heavily, creating smalls could between you from your hot breath. You both just stood there staring, in silence, as the world around you began the countdown into the new year.

‘What’s your resolution?’ you asked.

He smiled, pulling you in with his free hand and slowly dipping down. ‘To make you mine,’ your heart skipped, ‘what’s yours?’

‘To be happy,’ you whispered.

He chuckled softly, ‘Sounds good.’

‘And to kiss you finally.’

Before he could say anything, you reached up on your toes and planted a kiss against his warm lips. He froze for a moment, clearly shocked. You starting to thinking it was a bad idea, but you felt him lean in closer, pulling you flush with him. The world around you was full of cheers and “happy new year’s” as you kissed on the rooftop, feeling the happiest you had ever felt in many years.

When you finally parted, you were both dazed and breathless. He smiled down at you as you shied away into his chest, embarrassed that you had to be the one to initiate. He just laughed at you, resting his chin on your head as he wrapped you in his arms.

‘Happy New Year, Ashley,’ he whispered.

‘Happy New Year, Leo,’ you whispered back.

[zazzander]

Thoughts on Dogsred – Rou’s past

The biggest let down so far with the Dogsred manga is how it fails to ultisie Rou’s past beyond the surface level.

The main character, Rou, was a rising-star in junior figure skating. He had a pending sponsorship. He had a fanclub. In his transition over to ice hockey, there are many potential stumbling blocks. And each one of these could generation conflict in the narrative – this is important because conflict is the bread to any story’s butter. Nothing happens without conflict!  

In general, the manga has focused primarily on Rou learning two things: the rules and how to use a hockey stick. These have been the only challenges we’ve been presented. Now, that’s not to say there can’t be more issues later. The manga is still in the try-outs arc, so we might find that Rou struggles with teamwork later, on account that he has never played a competitive team sport.

But I’m not holding my breathe.

Why? You might be asking.

Well, let’s talking about Rou’s reaction to hockey equipment – and the lack of issues the manga presented. One of the only character traits that was get for Rou early on (another big issue of the manga but that’s for another post) is that he is vain. He cares about looks; he values elegance. In many ways, he’s a stereotypical figure skater.

When he dons his grandfather’s gear, the author does hint at this conflict. Rou asks for a deodorizer when he realises the old leather stinks. But – that’s it. It’s one line. After all that build up, Rou should have had a far stronger reaction. As far as I’m concerned this is a missed opportunity exemplifying a lot of what’s wrong with the writing in this manga.

This could have been its own mini arc; one we see progress through Rou’s first game and beyond. First, he huffs and puffs about the ugly gear. It’s stinky! Gross! He’ll look ugly like that. But he needs to get that hockey goal so fine he’ll wear it, it’s not like he knows anyone here…

OH CRAP! A bunch of people from his middle school just showed up to support the team. Now he’s panicking on the ice because he isn’t elegant. This could be an opportunity for a character moment between him another player. We could even set up a new arc: Rou learning what it means to play on a team. Or he can just get so pissed at the rival character he forgets about appearances for a second.

Then, during the game, he glimpses a move that makes him think beautiful, and suddenly, he’s wondering: what if I could look that that? And it’s just another reason for him to pick up ice hockey! Woo! Rou now has a mini-arc that works with the plot and enhances his characterisation.

Now drama and angst isn’t all we could get from Rou’s transition into ice hockey. The type of skates these two sports use are different. And it could have been a funny moment for Rou to fall over because he’s trying to skate like he always does and it doesn’t work. Or, if he didn’t wear his grandfather’s skates in that first match (he did), the hockey players on his high-school team could point out later that he’s wearing the wrong skates and we could do that transition later.

Furthermore, Rou’s balance is never thrown off by the extra gear (he’s used to skating around in skintight leotards!).

These are all little things that would help build the believability of Rou’s story.

As I mentioned, Rou was a rising-star figure skater. He’s been training in this sport for year and consistently gets high scores. He’s implied to be the best in his age-group and soon to be discovered, which would catapult his career. News outlets report on his dramatic outburst during a competition. Rou’s reputation follows him even to his grandfather’s rural town.

We find out in the try-out arc that Rou’s mother studied sports science and knew a lot about modern methodologies. This runs contrary to his high school team’s coach. This guy forges his player’s through brutal training regimes and, frankly, unhinged and dangerous techniques (like driving behind his freshmen in a van while they run up a hill). That’s not to say this guy doesn’t look out for his players, he’s got his eye on them, they aren’t about be sent to the hospital – however, he does denounce modern methodologies.

And honestly – this is an awesome concept.

It’s old vs new, but is it? In the beginning, yes, it should be, then slowly the two styles are merged into one as Rou brings in his knowledge from his previous experience and the coach slowly applies it to the team. And BOOM, they succeed where previously they had failed.

Did this happen?

No.

This entire conflict starts and ends way too quickly to matter. “Insufficient hydration hampers physical efficiency” he says, to which the coach says, “if you wanna do things your mama’s way, go back to figure skating”. Okay, fine, Rou can’t argue his case just yet. He’s a newbie who hasn’t even made the team! It’s fine for Rou to hunker down and not voice his opinions. But we needed Rou to think about this stuff. For example, “oh this is familiar, I used to train six hours a day, more during school break – here’s the technique I used to keep myself going” or “this is archaic, modern practices are like this for this reason”. Have him thinking about electrolytes and what-not.

Instead, Rou is all too quickly converted, accepting the coach’s authority on the subject when he sees the guy giving some of the more exhausted freshmen water. 

What is the point of Rou being a top figure skater if he can’t bring more than a couple fancy tricks to the team? The Oino team lost. They need to do something different to get to even higher heights. Narratively, that was the point of them losing! What was the story as it was set up! It’s these little choices that make the manga suffer.

(P.S. in some recent chapters Rou has brought up the fact they lost and therefore their training is out-dated, the coach basically says they will just “train harder” – so we’ll see if this goes anywhere. Maybe once Rou makes the team, he’ll be able to bring in some much needed outside perspective.)

[astrowaffles]

Shredding the Day Away

Teen | Crack, Chaos, Fluff

Friendship was a weird thing. Who looks at someone hauling a paper shredder into your room so he could turn all his old confession letters into confetti for graduation, and thinks, 'that's the human I want to spend all my time with'?

Oikawa was a 24-carat asshole - but he was Iwaizumi's best friend, and if he wanted confession letter confetti, Iwaizumi would dig out the ones from elementary.

OR: Iwaoi are literally insane and i have written them being insanely sappy while they shred some poor girl's love up into tiny pieces

Imagine the scene: you've been best friends with this man for thirteen years and counting. You're next door neighbours. You've seen every tantrum, every birthday party, every moment of every day. 

And one day, he walks through your bedroom door - before you've gotten up, because your mom hates you - with a paper shredder and a huge box full of paper.

You're thinking, why do I have to imagine this? That would literally never happen. Who even has a paper shredder anymore?

Oikawa does, apparently.

 "Rise and shine, Iwa-chan!" 

Iwaizumi grumbled and turned over, mashing his pillow over his head. Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away and maybe come back at a more reasonable time. Like 9 am.

"Come on, Hajime, we have a lot to do and no time to do it in!"

"I highly doubt that. And what's that?" 

"It's a shredder, keep up. I brought all my old confession letters so we could shred them!"

Iwaizumi sat up and rubbed his eyes. Oikawa, meanwhile, was fully set up on his floor, shredder in front of him. He was sorting through the box of paper, which Iwaizumi could now see was full of once-scented, pastel paper used for confession letters from hapless girls who'd fallen for Oikawa's charms.

"Isn't that a bit...rude?" Iwaizumi finally ventured. His clock told him it was half six in the morning, but he got the feeling he wasn't getting any more sleep today.

"How so? They gave me these bits of paper, did they really expect me to keep them?"

"You did keep them."

"I kept them for this moment."

"This moment being.....?"

"Graduation! I'm gonna turn them into confetti and then throw it all over you when you get your diploma."

"You're going to throw old confession letters...written to you...all over me...when I graduate highschool..."

"Yeah. I'm not seeing a problem, what's your issue?"

"You know when people confess and they're like 'please be careful with my heart!' and then give you a letter?"

"Yeah?"

"You're shredding their hearts up."

"Ah, but I would never do that!" At Iwaizumi's raised eyebrow, Oikawa put his hands up in an 'I surrender' gesture. "Hearts are wet and squishy and would definitely break my shredder. I would never, ever, ever, shred up a heart."

Iwaizumi sighed and got out of bed, carefully avoiding Oikawa's confession-destroying station. "And why are we doing this?"

"Because," Oikawa said slowly, like Iwaizumi was being purposefully obtuse, "It's poetic. My entire school career has been full of girls throwing themselves at me - with good reason, of course - and graduation shall mark the end of that."

"One problem. That's only highschool confessions, right?" Iwaizumi's voice was muffled by the pile of stuff he was currently rooting through, but Oikawa seemed to hear him because he replied, "No, middle school too."

"Aha!" Iwaizumi removed himself, triumphant, from the pile, a small box clutched in his hand.

"Ooh, what's that?" Oikawa excitedly crawled over.

"Confession letters from elementary."

"To me or you?"

Iwaizumi unfolded one, cleared his throat, and then began to read in a high pitched voice. "Dearest Tooru-chan, please accept this token of my love. I love you! I hope you go out with me but-" he stifled a laugh "-if you just want to keep spending time with Hajime-chan, that's cool too. I understand." He looked up from the crinkled paper, only to see Oikawa doing his best not to laugh.

"She-" Oikawa struggled to take a breath "- she knew I wasn't going to like her -"

"To be fair," Iwaizumi attempted to pull oxygen into his lungs, "I do remember you saying you wouldn't date anyone who made you spend time with them."

Oikawa finally managed to stop wheezing long enough to take the letter from Iwaizumi. "There's more! I won't ask you two to separate, but I would like it if- oh, Haji, I must have been horrible to her - I would like it if you would wave at me when I leave."

Iwaizumi took it back. "You were pretty mean to the girls who tried to date you."

"For good reason! They didn't want us to be friends anymore!"

"They didn't want us to stop being friends, they wanted you to share some of your time."

"Same thing! And I didn't, and it was the right decision because-"

"Now, ten years later, you're set up in my bedroom at 6am so you can shred their love into tiny pieces and throw it at me."

"It's not love, it's admiration."

"Why does that make a difference?"

"It's less severe and makes me sound like less of an asshole. Come on, help me shred these and then we'll see what else we need to do."

"What else could there possibly be to do?"

"Sleep, mainly. I've been up since four."

Iwaizumi immediately reached across and snatched the letters out of Oikawa's box. "In that case, we're not going to be using any machines. Let's read some of these letters or something."

"They all say the same thing! I like you, go out with me, stop spending time with Iwaizumi. As if I would ever."

"You're moving out of the country, Tooru."

"Yeah, okay? I will literally have you on call 24/7 even when we're asleep and then when I come visit you we'll look at the hours and then start over again."

"No."

"Yes."

"No way we are doing that. Ever."

"Literally try and stop me."

"I could not pick up or I could hang up or I could throw my phone off a bridge so you can't find me."

"But you won't, so. Case closed."

Iwaizumi sighed for the second time since he woke up five minutes ago. Friendship was weird, he decided - when he'd befriended the little boy with sparkly eyes who just wanted to talk about his rock collection, he never expected to be sitting here so many years later with the same sparkly boy, except he'd released his rocks back into the wild and was instead destroying people's emotions with a paper shredder. It weirdly made sense, but only because it was Oikawa. 

"Do you ever think about Nanami-chan?" Oikawa asked after a while. He was feeding a pastel purple letter to the shredder after he'd proved he was awake enough to be trusted. 

"Who?"

"Oh, you cold-hearted meanie! Nanami confessed to you in fifth grade."

"Oh, her. Nah, not really. She confessed and then immediately said I don't really want you to date me because I know you'll spend all your time with Tooru. No 'please accept my feelings', not even a 'please wave at me every so often'."

Oikawa cackled. "Aw! Did you like her?"

"I think I would have been more cut up about it if I did. As I remember it, we had a celebration because I got a confession and then we went back to whatever we were doing."

"Playing volleyball."

"Should've known. Well, alright, do you remember Haruka?"

"No?"

"Oh, he confessed to you in...uh....middle school? I don't remember exactly when, but you got a cake from it and we ate it in the treehouse, and I don't think you ever gave him an answer."

"I honestly forgot about him, whoops. Ah, he was brave. I feel bad about that one. I didn't want to date him, but I should definitely have seemed more supportive."

"Yeah, he moved the next week."

"......Oh my god."

"Yeah."

"If you find his letter, don't shred it. I'm gonna frame it."

"Okay."

They worked in silence for a bit, Oikawa occasionally pausing to skim over a letter he recognised. He would read out the funnier parts - if the answer is no, destroy this letter and then yourself was Iwaizumi's personal favourite - and they'd be lying if they didn't say they felt like slight assholes shredding up these girls' feelings.

But, as Oikawa said, "They're all over it by now, and anyway I can do what I want and no-one can stop me."

"Except me."

"But you're not. So. Shut up."

Iwaizumi laughed and shut up.

 "You know, Haji," Oikawa said, lying on the floor. The remnants of the confessions lay all around them, a pastel rainbow of disappointed (and slightly aggressive) loves. 

Silence.

"I said YOU KNOW, HAJI."

"Hm?"

"Jeez, pay attention when we're lying in the remains of my highschool career. Anyway. You remember the last day of elementary?"

"Yeah. We lay on the floor and complained about Mrs Tachibana for an hour, then we went outside and played volleyball."

"Yeah. Well, I've done enough complaining. You wanna play volleyball?"

Iwaizumi smiled, and sat up. "Thought you'd never ask."

A03 | Exclusives | Tip Me | Commissions

[sabbathbloodysabbeth]

The Mysterious Art Of Coping - part 1

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Ao3

Hey so I’m starting to post all of the parts on tumblr as well as I want to start writing this again, but does anyone know how to link parts like others do? Like part 1 | part 2 | part 3 and all of them have the links to each part?

Also let me know if you want to be tagged :)

✰ ✰ ✰

01. 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡

"ι'νє gσт α gιяℓ ¢яυѕн, нαтє тσ α∂мιт ιт вυт ι gσт α нαя∂ яυѕн ιт'ѕ ѕℓσωιη' ∂σωη, ι gσт ιт яєαℓ вα∂, ωαηт єνєяутнιηg ѕнє нαѕ тнαт ѕмιℓє αη∂ тнαт мι∂ηιgнт ℓαυgн ѕнє'ѕ gινιη' уσυ ησω, ι ωαηт тσ тαѕтє нєя ℓιρѕ уєαн, '¢αυѕє тнєу тαѕтє ℓιкє уσυ, ι ωαηт тσ ∂яσωη муѕєℓƒ ιη α вσттℓє σƒ нєя ρєяƒυмє, ι ωαηт нєя ℓσηg вℓση∂ нαιя, ι ωαηт нєя мαgι¢ тσυ¢н, уєαн, '¢αυѕє мαувє тнєη уσυ'∂ ωαηт мє נυѕт αѕ мυ¢н ι'νє gσт α gιяℓ ¢яυѕн"

✰ ✰ ✰

Eddie had formed a crush on Steve Harrington their freshman year of 1980, always seeing the popular boy walking down the halls with the little clique he had created, or more like the clique created around him. It was hard not to see the other boy during the day, his presence filled the halls even more than the principles. Everyone had a different schedule but somehow Eddie found himself passing the preppy rich boy every other class. On his way to Drama, Band, or Global he had grown used to walking by Steve who was always next to his locker talking to a new girl. The longer school went on the more Harrington's presence slowly became treated like a King.

With that new label, King Steve started to flourish. When everyone else thought about King Steve they thought about how he destroyed a creeps camera or how he somehow beat Billy Hargrove's ass. Though Eddie had a different image in his mind that he thought of when he looked back to see how much Steve has changed.

The first picture that popped itself into Eddie's mind was the image of barely worn striped blue Adidas and perfectly slicked back hair. He could remember it vividly as Steve had been the only guy in the entire school that hadn't bothered to grow a mullet. The new horrible haircut that came to replace the last and there were very few guys that didn't have that haircut. A few kids in his drama class that he can't place names for, him and Steve 'the hair' Harrington.

It had been a shocker to some of the more popular kids that Steve wasn't following the trends like he normally did. Instead that year his sides were buzzed closed to his head while the top of his head stayed long for his fingers to run through. Something Munson wasn't the only one to pick up on. All of the girls in his Math class did too and all of them were constantly drooling all over him as he struggled to answer an algebra question. Though Eddie had been one of them. Sitting there chewing on his pencil without even realizing it, already having his answer sheet filled.

Another reason why Eddie could pinpoint this year so easily was that he had recently moved back to Hawkins to live with his Uncle. This also had been the reason why he didn't have a mullet either. Along the way, he had caught lice from one of the cushions he had slept on while waiting for whatever public transportation to pick him up. His case worker had only traveled with him halfway there before abandoning him to find his own way to Hawkins. Which he had thankfully. After receiving help from the Chief of Hawkins police department. Which he now recognizes as El's Father, who drove up over three hours to pick him up for Wayne Munson.

Though he heard war stories and even met the man again recently he still didn't understand how he had gone from a grumpy miserable drunk to the happiest asshole alive. He remembers how miserable the other had been on the ride back grumbling about how irresponsible it was for a case worker whose job was to keep kids safe, to abandon a fourteen-year-old in the middle of nowhere.

Though Eddie never really thought too much about this even as he did Freshman year. As a twenty-year-old who was still in high school, he did think about his earlier years of success before it all went downhill and he got held back twice. Though his thoughts would always land back on Steve Harrington and his stupid hair. Steve Harrington and that stupidly cute polo shirt that made him look so soft and sometimes a little feminine with his curves poking out a little. Plus those damn high wasted jeans that stuck to his ass just right. Eddie probably had that shit engraved into his brain by now.

Freshman year was also the year that people slowly stopped falling trends from outside of Hawkins but those that were in Hawkins. Steve Harrington was once again at the center of this. When he changed something up a lot of boys would start to scramble around and try to copy him. As even more time passed there were more little changes in the others' clothing style that not a lot of them had caught. Like the way, he would cuff his jeans, the way he would tuck his shirt into his pants, and the way he would wear the most colorful sweaters ever.

As the increase of people following the King's trends started to grow, so did Eddie's hair. Sometimes he forgot how he landed in Hawkins in the first place, let alone what he looked like. He was barely the size of a twig with the ugliest buzz cut in the world when he showed up at the start of freshman year, by the end of it he had gained some weight and his hair was at ear length. Though his curls made it look a lot shorter than it was.

Unlike Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson started like the rest of the nerds in high school he was more reserved and shy about what he did. Never talked to anyone else as he never really understood the social cues of Hawkins. The expectations of being a teenager in other teenagers' eyes never really clicked with him. At first, he didn't do it on purpose not wanting to be singled out from the rest of the school. Though deemed already impossible the second he received the nickname 'Freak' when he opened his locker and a huge Steven King book slammed on the floor in the middle of the hallways. The bullying had gotten worst but he slowly started to use it to his advantage.

Considering everyone viewed him as a freak he started to do crazy stupid things that made a few kids start to sit next to him. As with his image, everyone thought he was crazy and just avoided him along with everyone that interacted with him. This was how he started hellfire club or the baby version of hellfire club. The worst bullies got, the worst Eddie got. When one of the kids under his wing was having issues with someone he would take a snake dead or alive and put it in that bully's gym locker. His father's lessons finally paying off to get behind the locks. With his growing reputation, it started to mix with Steve's. But Eddie purposely made sure to never let it get to that point where him and Harrington even fought.

When it was their junior year and Steve smashed Jonathan Byers camera he didn't stick anything into his locker. Eddie had heard the stories about Jonathan but thought they had been sick rumors. So as he watched Steve destroy the boys' camera, something was off. The preppy boy had never really gone that far before, sure he was a dick but not as bad as everyone else. Eddie had walked over to help the Byers kid who he felt bad for. He just lost his brother and now his stuff was being destroyed. But when he picks up one of the ripped photos on the ground and sees a very shirtless Nancy Wheeler he understood completely. He rips the image to shreds before he's heading into the school.

After that, he had a new respect for the King that most didn't get. Though it started off innocent it was slowly starting to become something that bothered Eddie. His heart would raise when he would watch Steve Harrington kiss Nancy Wheeler. Not even realizing he was putting himself into her place. The way his stomach would do flips whenever he watched the other play basketball on the skins team, or the way he couldn't even look in the others' general direction in the showers without feeling a little aroused. He had pushed his dirty thoughts to the side as intrusive thoughts. Though Eddie was a smart boy, even though he didn't know if he was going to piece it together at some point.

After what seems like forever everything starts to click into place and make sense. As he watched fellow male classmates get girlfriends he slowly started to realize that he hasn't started the typical girl craze as every other guy had. Even the kids that he helped protect were in the girl craze. After listening to one of the boys, John, talk about one of the cheerleaders Shay it slowly clicked in his brain that those were the feelings he had for Steve. Where he wanted to make out with him so bad and know how he tasted to the way he wanted to cuddle with him. Hold him in his arms as if he was something that needed protecting. This was not normal for a guy to be feeling he had started to realize.

He slowly started to fall off the bandwagon after this, willingly swimming in the disgusted looks and remarks he received from everyone without a fight. So far in denial, he convinces himself that it was just a Steve Harrington thing. Something he would be able to forget about after high school. His thought process was that because he's never shown any attraction to another male before that if he avoided thinking about the pretty rich boy he would be okay. He would be back to normal. But this little realization had opened the flood gates that couldn't be closed again. Now that he was mentally trying to ignore the other it seemed more difficult than he had thought before.

Where ever he looked Steve Harrington seemed to be there filling his thoughts. When he had to go to the bathroom the other seemed to be always coming out from there. Whenever he finished a hellfire session the other seemed to be getting out of a sports game with his girlfriend on his hip. Another thing that he's never thought he would get jealous about. He never thought he would be jealous of Nancy Wheeler. Someone that he deemed a bit of a gold digger but couldn't place a finger on why. His last straw was when he shows up at a party for the first time in a while and it seems almost obvious Steve just got into a fight with his girlfriend. Though this wasn't the thing that set him off. It was Billy Hargrove.

He knew that Billy was a new kid and he never paid much attention to him until now. His heart beats in his throat as he stumbles over himself a bit, his eyes never leaving the other boy's body. It was something a little worst than Steve. He wasn't romantically interested in the dickhead but he was very much sexually attracted. Fidgeting with his new ring as he looks at Billy Hargrove's gloved hands. The way his mouth wrapped around the cigarette he had been smoking. Eddie wasn't sure what was Billy and what was Neal Hargrove. Who used to live in town when he was younger and was a well-known racist drunk. On some levels, Eddie could understand the other but after that, he hated the guy. Hated his personality but hated how hot the other was.

Later that night he decided he needed to cool off somehow. His mind was just picturing all of these dirty images of Billy on top of him but the other side was picturing Steve underneath him. This was only causing his brain to go even more crazy. He needed something to relax and he's done drugs before but he's never needed them like this before. He knew his Uncle was cool with him smoking just as long as he was responsible. Eddie had never been properly high, but he was aware of how to smoke. He gets everything set up a little bit on the sloppy side and he starts to take hit after hit nonstop until he couldn't properly think.

The plan seems to backfire as he smokes it slowly starts to dawn on him. On how fucking hot David Hasselhoff from Knight-Ridder was. The way his hair blew back when he was driving with the windows down. Reminding him of Billy a little bit, and those disgusting thoughts slowly start to come back and eat him alive. But unlike earlier Eddie's thoughts were slow enough for him to understand and catch now, compared to the complete blurred mess that he was used to from the second he got up to the second he went to bed. The thoughts weren't the only thing that seemed to slow down. The energy that was constantly pumping through his bones seemed to be gone now as he watches TV and his anxiety. He's probably an hour into his high before realizing that his goal of not thinking about guys like that was very unsuccessful.

Having his first case of the munchies he's snatching a Big Mac from the fast food bag his Uncle brought home from work the night before. Sure it was hours old, but it seemed to please his stomach enough to shut it up so he could focus on what his brain was trying to tell him. Eddie sits there with smoke surrounding him as his face goes a tad pale. Fuck. I think I'm Gay, and I'm not completely disgusted by this the more that I think more about the possibility.

Eddie now knew that it helped a lot that his Uncle was fairly progressive when it came to things. As in the 70's he had once been a stoner and in his words partied a little too hard that some mornings he woke up next to a guy instead of a girl. Eddie wasn't ever disgusted by the idea of his Uncle being with men. He wasn't disgusted by boys being together at all. He was just grateful that his Uncle had been chill with those types of things and showed that throughout the years. Though now that the long-haired boy thought about it, the adult seemed to be hinting at something and he can't help but think, he can't possibly know, can he? Though now that it finally clicked in his brain and he's come to terms with it after a bowl of wee, he now knows that if his Uncle wasn't so open that he probably would have been really homophobic about the situation. Like most guys were.

Eddie soon started to smoke regularly after that, and discovered things that he wouldn't normally have if he was sober. Like how freaking good 'The Outsiders' were when he wasn't focused on how embarrassing it was for him, a seventeen-year-old boy to be watching that. That and how fucking hot Tom Cruise was. His new hyper fixations soon settled into movies, though it slowly started to form around Black Sabbath and even more on DnD not long after that. Though it was just the beginning of his gay awakening he was pretty sure he was a hundred percent gay. There was no doubt in his mind about that at all. He couldn't feel more alive than he did then.

• • • • •

Now here he sits years later in a brand new trailer that he never thought would be called his, in front of a small crowd of teens and adults. Uncle Wayne had gladly taken an offer from the government to replace theirs not knowing the other had a portal to a different world in it. With his Uncle not knowing the truth about anything, Eddie had slowly started to discover that he was having a very difficult time coping. He had never lied to his Uncle about anything and him being gay had gone unspoken for years between the two of them. So he had never felt guilty about not telling the older man that secret. Unlike Eddie, though he finds that everyone else in the trailer had seemed to have gotten over the recent events. God knows how.

After everything, they had all gone their separate ways to recover and Eddie found himself nearly ripping his hair out within seconds of being in his room again. Though he couldn't spend long in there as a group of strange men started to force the tired boy into packing everything that he loved. Wayne had seemed to have already done that and Eddie was hoping to see him as soon as possible. But unlike he had expected they met up days later in front of the spot that once held their old trailer seeing it had been replaced. They both immediately hugged each other and started to prepare for their new beginnings. Eddie with his new reputation of being an ex-accused murderer and his Uncle who was now a new employee at a government-owned factory. Which brought in a lot more money than before.

As they settled in the new place he didn't waste time lighting a joint and got stoned thinking about how fucking hot Steve had been throughout the whole experience. The way he had bit into a bat and killed the shit out of it. Though his thoughts did take him back to their high-school days together like normal. The way his body had looked when he was wearing his vest to the way he seemed to show concern for all of the kids and not himself. All of it was hot. The whole babysitting thing seemed to be doing something for Eddie's old crush on the other male. Knowing he was great with children made his heart go crazy and his stomach do flips. As he sits there smoking, his thoughts started to slow down and he can't hold back the first small smiles he's had for days. He might have a chance to become friends with Steve Harrington. His Gay Awakening.

Now days later after that realization, the next big realization was that he's never going to be back to his normal. After everything, everyone looked at him as if he was a bigger freak and he could barely get a job let alone go back to school now. He was never going to be the same again. Every time he tried to walk through town people would start throwing shit at him in hopes of scaring him away from their precious yet cursed community. There was no hope of returning to school. Every teacher gave him a look and some even had the balls to pull him to the side and tell him to get the fuck out of their classroom. Though the students had been far worse. Tossing him around like a rag doll. Without Steve and Robin there he had no one who could stick up for him. What the hell was a mouthy freshman like Dustin supposed to do? It would only make things worst and Eddie forced the boys to promise to never stick their necks out for him again.

Weeks passed faster than what he remembered them being and his eyes held bags. Of course, the logical thing was to drop out, and that he did. Refusing to return to the shit hole known as Hawkins High. Which was understandable after everything. The rest of the gang had seemed to settle back into their day-to-day lives and Eddie was currently the only one who hadn't. He was even more of an outcast, while they all seemed to be holding on day by day with him being dragged behind them. Nancy had gone back to the newspaper dedicating it to her friend there that had died, Jonathan and his family moved back to town with the Towns old Sheriff, Steve and Robin were doing whatever they had been doing before and the rest of the kids started to be kids again.

Though to Eddie's shock, they all seemed to have noticed his falling out. The way he moped around more. He stuck out like a sore thumb and he was pretty sure they were all here to pity him. That and he was pretty sure Dustin had only thrown this together so that Eddie would join Hellfire again and write a new campaign. Which he hadn't done in over a month now.

Sitting there right across from him Dustin sat. His very judging eyes took in Eddie's hair which had grown into a rattier nest compared to the last time they had been together. His curls falling further down his back now along with his bangs covering his eyes almost completely. Wearing the same Black Sabbath shirt for the fifth day in a row with obvious pit stains that proved that fact. He stunk of weed and looked like he hadn't slept in days. He was so lost in his head that if this was months ago he would have noticed the way Steve was staring at him. He would have thrived underneath the look.

Steve Harrington's eyes were staring the other up and down and couldn't help but feel bad for the other. He remembered back to the days when he was like this. Though unlike now, no one showed up to save him from the darkness that had seemed to find its way around him. Currently, Eddie looked like one of those dogs from one of that SPCA commercials. Like he had been abandoned on the side of the road and forgotten. Which truth be told sort of happened. Steve had been so focused on recovering himself that he didn't realize that Eddie might need someone just as badly as Steve had needed someone when he was in the same position. Eddie's big sad brown eyes were the selling point for comparing him to a puppy. Like the animal, Steve was sure he probably would give in within seconds if the other even bothered asking for anything. Reminding him of the days he dated Nancy, little images of her doe eyes flashing through his brain remembering how she would give him a look and he was immediately running to do whatever she asked from him. Steve had been too distracted staring at the other boy he wasn't even aware that Dustin had started talking.

"We're starting hellfire back up and we want you there. But you don't fucking leave your trailer enough to even smell the roses before booking it back inside." Dustin says like he was the smartest one in the room. Steve rolls his eyes and catches that Eddie's doing the same. Steve isn't the only one to look at Dustin with a what the fuck look. Robin is too. Everyone had grown used to his insensitivity but this wasn't one of those moments that anyone was willing to let him be an asshole.

"Dustin," Robin says in a higher and annoying pitch. "What the fuck dude. Just because you're handling this shit better than Munson doesn't give you the right to treat him like shit." The girls looked at him with a very upset look. It wasn't often she got annoyed but it was normally because of Dustin. Who looks over at Steve for confirmation that he was being too much. Steve can't help but feel a tad annoyed too. Though he noticed how everyone's eyes turn to him now, expecting him to say something.

"Too far dude. Robin's right, you aren't being all that respectful. How would you feel if someone came walking in when you first went through this crap and shat all over the ways you were coping with things. Not everyone has the same reaction to things Henderson." Steve speaks and Dustin listens. Something he had started to do a little bit less lately. His hat holds his hair in place as he tries to say something but Steve's quick to add. "And you need to stop always looking at me whenever Robin says something. If you don't respect her enough to listen to her opinion you mind as well as say bye to your personal cab." Steve adds seriously as Robin looks over at him giving a small smile. Something that had been caught by Eddie who felt a pang of jealousy blooming in his chest.

Dustin only rolls his eyes at the threat as he crosses his arms a bit. Steve doesn't understand what has been going on with him but it's starting to piss him off. Though he always has to remind himself the other was just a teenager going through puberty during a shitty time of being forced to fight monsters.

"So, we've all discussed it and everyone here's willing to hang out with you whenever. Soon you'll be known as Eddie the freak grandpa who pisses on his lawn to water it, Munson, if you don't start going back into society again." Dustin rants more and everyone's looking at each other with raised eyebrows. Eddie's even doing the same as he hasn't heard the other talk to anyone like this before.

Steve's taking a pillow and throwing it at Dustin. "That's it, shut up dude. You are way out of line right now. Just because you seem to think you are better than the rest of us, doesn't mean you can be a dick." Dustin's trying to move to say something but Steve's giving him a look and he's shutting up as Mike is the one to break the silence.

"I guess Dustin's trying to force us to babysit you. And being a complete dick about it too. By the way, none of us mind hanging out with you at all. Will's good at playing DnD and he has more hours into it than me and Dustin combined. And like Dustin said, we're starting a new campaign which should start Monday if everything goes to plan." Mike speaks and Eddie listens. His eyes move over to the Byers kid who he catches looking at Mike. He's almost immediately raising an eyebrow at the way the other had been looking at Wheeler but he didn't want to bring attention to it.

Dustin's piping back in now even though everyone wanted him to shut up pretty much. He was completely embarrassed and pissing the group off all at once. "Yeah, and I know you probably don't want to be hanging around Freshman but Robin and Steve can hang out." He's looking between the two as they both nod watching Dustin skeptically as they let him finish. "And they're actually really cool. I think you'll actually like them. Though Steve doesn't hang out with anyone on Wednesdays. He calls them his 'fuck off' days. But I'm sure he'll be willing to hang out that day too." Dustin smiles causing Steve and Robin to look at each other.

Steve's quick to jump in, "Dustin I've told you three times man that I'm not hanging out with anyone that day. I'm barely home as is anymore and I can't even shower longer than five minutes because I'm always driving people around to god knows where. I made it very clear that day was a no go for me all around the board. I'll gladly kidnap Munson here and hang out with him if he wants, I need someone to go with the theaters with anyway. But I'm not giving up the one day I want to myself, and we both know you're only trying to guilt trip me into hanging out with Eddie so that you can get me to drive you to that DnD store." He rambles out as everyone raises an eyebrow. Robin smiles nodding her head with a grin sticking her thumbs up. Everyone was becoming aware of how she had been trying to help Steve set boundaries with Dustin. Who has been taking advantage of him for a long time now? For that Dustin didn't like her thinking she was trying to ruin his friendship with Steve.

"Was this your doing Buckley?" Dustin accuses as he looks at her with squinted eyes. Robin raises an eyebrow, and slowly this intervention isn't about Eddie anymore. The group was always too chaotic to stay organized and to stay on one topic. There were just way too many of them and to many opinions constantly flying around. So Steve's seeing what's about to happen a mile away.

Harrington immediately moves getting tired of standing and moving to sit on the couch next to Eddie. Even though he didn't know the others all that well he always had this thing about pleasing others. And it seems like Eddie really needed cheering up, and as the people pleaser he was he's glad to be the first to attempt to help the other out. Steve had always been good at reading other people and their needs and he knew the other probably didn't want all of the attention on him because he was struggling. So immediately he's moving closer to the other whispering as softly as he can,

"The shit heads been only talking about you for the past week and it's sort of hurting my ego man. You're supposed to be the jealous one here not me." Steve teased softly before adding. "Though shut up, I want to watch this unfold. Dustin's totally going to get his ass chewed out again and you're totally talking way to much." He says playfully. He remembered how the other was in the upside down and try's to imitate that. If he was honest he sort of wanted to hear the other ramble on about Ozzy again. Harrington, like the rest of the group hasn't heard the other speak for week.

Steve catches onto Eddie's amused look as his brown eyes meet Steve's. The shorter haired boy can't help but smile a little bit at the other before he's looking around finding a bag of chips stuck in between the crack of the couch cushion. He was really hungry and was forced to skip breakfast for this meeting, Dustin had scared the shit out of him and made him think that Vecna was back and he ran out the door immediately when he got the call.

Steve was fully aware that the chips were probably old and stale but he didn't care. His stomach was growling loud enough that Eddie had even heard. Blushing the hungry boy almost misses the others soft whisper back, "Jesus Harrington, did one of those Demon bats find its way into your stomach?" He teases softly and Steve can't help but look very amused as he chuckles rolling his eyes playfully. "Though I don't know if I would eat those if I were you, they've probably been sat on and been there for days now." Eddie warns softly.

Steve opens it anyway looking inside as he ignores the amount of eyes on him and the warning that he seemed to be the only one who had caught. Eddie's even looking at him full on now instead of trying to be nonchalant about it. And there's this spark in his eyes that Dustin can't help but catch onto. Something that only reached his eyes when he was playing DnD. Though they were all aware of the amused smile on Munson's face, but Dustin knew the other could be smiling the hugest grin and that crazy look in his eye wouldn't be there. Even Robin was even looking over for a second as she starts to scold Dustin, but then she's going back to Dustin who snaps out of the trance he was in.

Steve's reaching inside the plastic and popping a chip in his mouth as he chews slowly trying to figure it out. He's raising a eyebrow at everyone now as they look at him disgusted. "Should I remind everyone that I bit into a bat when I was in the Upside Down. I'm pretty sure Stale chips that have been in Eddie Munson's couch for god knows how long won't kill me. This could be way worst." Steve says interrupting Robin for a second who simply rolls her eyes a little amused before going back at Dustin ranting at him some more.

Then he's turning to offer Eddie some. "Hey man, you have no room to judge me. The chips were in your sofa not mine." Steve says with a mouthful of chips and Eddie's reaching in to grab a few. He's also had far worst things in his mouth then week old stale chips. He simply pops them in his mouth before he's turning to watch Robin rip into Henderson with Steve tuning into the end of it.

"You are the most obnoxious kid I've ever met. Steve has canceled on me five times just to go pick you up from whatever the hell you were doing. You do know gas isn't free right? Doesn't grow on trees? So why the fuck are you making him drive you everywhere when you have a Bike?" Robin rants at him. "You are fully aware that you are walking all over him and taking advantage of him and yet I don't see you doing anything nice in return, except argue with him about every little thing. It was his idea to come and check up on Eddie, and you twisted it into some stupid intervention. So why don't you bug off and stop trying to act like you are older then us. We all know you're smarter but it doesn't give you the right to bully Steve because he's not the brightest of the bunch. Look at him Dustin. He's eating ass chips out of Eddie Munson's couch. That in itself deserves pity not judgment. God knows how long they've been there!" Steve's chewing slowly before furrowing his eyebrows.

"Should I be offended by that?" Steve asks confused as Eddie speaks up for the first time sense everyone's been in the trailer.

"It's the tone right?" He asks as he turns his head to look at Steve who looks at him and nods his head agreeing. Steve swallows the chip he was chewing as he pauses for a second.

"It really is, I can't really tell if she's being sarcastic, serious or patronizing me. I really suck at tones man." Steve says as the two of them seem to be the only ones clicking right now. And god Eddie was freaking out inside that Steve Harrington was next to him right now talking to him like this.

Eddie throws his hands up happily as he thinks he's finally found someone who understands him. "Finally! I'm not the only one who finds it difficult to figure this shit out. I genuinely can't tell if I'm being talked to as a friend or as a freak for not leaving my trailer in weeks." He huffs as Steve offers him more chips. Steve nods his head in understanding as he hums a bit as crumbs fall on his shirt.

"If I'm honest man, you should totally come out more. Trust me, it doesn't get better being cooped up in here by yourself. If I had these many people to help out me when I first found out about Monsters, I would honestly fucking cry. I'm just going to sum all of this up before a fist fight happens in the middle of your living room. That and so we can get out of your hair. What we're trying to say is that we are here for you. That you aren't alone. And if you want to hang out sometime drop on by to my place. " Steve smiles before catching the time on his watch.

"Though I should probably get going, my parents are finally in town for the first time since before everything started and they have finally noticed I haven't moved out of their place yet." Steve rambles out a bit and Eddie can't help but follow the others movements and listen to him. "And they are sort of really pissed with me right now so yeah-" he says awkwardly setting the bag of chips to the side standing up and moving around the crowd as he moves to the front entrance.

Before Steve opens the door Eddie asks, "what's airing at the theaters Harrington?" He asks curious as he leans back on his hands a bit watching the other. Steve looks confused as to why the other would want to know before it clicks in his head what the other was suggesting. His brain nearly going blank as he realizes that Eddie 'The Freak' Munson seemed to be more interested in hanging out with him the anyone else in the room.

"Alien and The second Poltergeist." Steve answers before he's leaving.

[renon4224]

Fire On Fire

Chapter Two: June 20, Friday, Akemi Bakugou, 30 minutes till school

“Come on, come on, come ON!” I wanted to get to school, today we were going to make pretty cards for Father’s Day.

“Alright alright, what do you want?” Katsuki was sleepy, but I wanted him to take me to school so I could show him the pretty paper I was gonna use.

“Take me to school,” I paused, “Please?”

-Katsuki Bakugou-

She was jumping on the chair, completely dressed with her backpack on and hair up. 

She was too excited about school, “Why?”

“Because I have a surprise for Daddy and I want to show you.” She was hugging a bundle to her chest.

“Can’t you show Mom?”

“Yeah,” She jumped down, staring right up at me, “But I wanna show you.”

“Fine, tell Mom,” She ran off and came back, I gave her a sceptical look, “Let’s go.”

-At lunch-

I glanced in Kioko’s direction, she was alone, as she had been all year. Most people were too freaked out by her coming in the middle of the school year to the most prestigious school in Japan. A couple of girls were coming over though, they put their trays down and struck up a conversation, which made Kiko uncomfortable. She looked like she would rather be anywhere else than at that table, so on impulse, I happened to walk by.

“So…are you All Might’s secret love child?” The girl asked, she was inching closer to Kio, when she said no, “Oh, that’s right, you just happened to be the only student in UA history to ever be allowed to join in the middle of the year, so tell me why.”

“Oh, leave the poor girl alone, Inari.” The other girl said, sneering at Kioko.

“That’s right, she was so poor the school took pity on her,” Inari said.

By this time I had reached them, “UA would never lower the school’s reputation for one poor girl, and you shouldn’t either.”

“Ooh, Inari, he’s staring at you~” The girl whispered.

“Shut it, Usagi,” She elbowed Usagi, “So sorry Bakugou,” She took a step towards me, raising her hand only to let it rest on my arm, “I never meant to insult you.” She purred.

I slapped her hand away, “You didn’t insult me,” I paused, watching the girls’ faces light up, “You disgust me.”

They turned beet-red and looked down, they tried stammering an apology but I just sat down next to Kioko and kept eating, they insulted the school they wanted to attend, and the girl insulted me when she thought that it was okay to touch me outside of combat.

-Kioko Midoriya-

“You do remember that I’m related to Izu, right?” After the other kids left he became very focused on his meal.

He said nothing, just kept eating, not even a grunt of acknowledgement. I scoffed, I didn’t need to sit here with an egotistical know-it-all. I got up to put my things away and go to my next class.

“Sit down.” He put his bowl of ramen down.

“Why?” I glared bullets at him, he just made the whole situation so much worse.

“If you leave now those kids will tear you apart like-”

“Like you did?” I slammed my tray down, how dare he? “In fifth grade?”

“No.” He was solemn for a minute, “They’re much weaker, in strength and grit.”

“Whatever, you’re the same as you were then, glad to see you haven’t changed.” I turned away, leaving my tray.

“I told you to stay.” He had grabbed my hand, his grip was crushing.

“That hurts.” I didn’t struggle, I learned my lesson the first time, but….he let go and let me walk away.

-In the hall-

I was shoved into the wall, I hit my face on a locker lock. 

“Lay down, little puppy.” With another shove, towards the floor, I could feel the heel of someone’s shoe on the middle of my back, and Inari’s high-pitched voice.

“I’m not a-” I tried to push myself up.

“I said DOWN, you dumb mutt.” She kicked me, this time in the ribs, and I slammed my face back down.

“Don’t call me a-”

“Shut up, dirty little mongrel.” With a kick to the head, my vision was going blurry.

-Katsuki Bakugou-

“Why don’t you just unleash a little power on them, Kioko?” She was a better fighter in grammar school than these girls are now.

“Power?” Inari, the older-looking girl, scoffed, “Her only real power is lying and making everyone look bad.”

The other girl, Usagi, was recording the whole thing, “Yeah, she was just trying to get you to pity her back there, we’re teaching her how to behave right in Japan.”

“I don’t pity people, and I’m not gonna start now.”

“Oh please, she was practically slobbering all over you.” Inari dug her heel into Kioko’s head.

“Kioko, they aren’t me, this isn’t fifth grade again.” I came closer, she was bleeding from where her head hit the floor, “Get up, fight back.”

-Kioko Midoriya-

I could feel the blood, a metallic taste in my mouth, but he was right. I could beat them, with one blast. What if they get hurt? Another twist, she was reaching for my hair. I took my left hand and angled it so that my blast would hit just shy of her hair.

The bloodcurdling scream wasn’t mine, it was Inari’s, her hair was on fire, “I-I didn’t try to-” She was crying, and Usagi got a teacher, Aizawa.

Bakugou was standing there, he knew what I was better than most.

“Midoriya, principal’s office, NOW.” Aizawa’s voice was colder than ice.

“Sorry, sir.”

“Now.” He turned to take care of Inari’s hair and led the girls to the infirmary.

I left, combat training is easy, fighting strangers you’ll never see again, is easy. Now, I’m never gonna be treated the same, people might try to talk to me. Friends aren’t something I trained for, I trained so that I could overpower my enemies easily and quickly. I heard footsteps behind me, I lowered my breathing, calming down is supposed to make me seem friendlier. 

“Technique needs work.” It was Bakugou, great.

“Go away.”

“Last time you walked away from me you were beaten,” He got in front of me, “And your head is bleeding pretty bad.” The look on his face was mainly smug at being right, but maybe a little bit of remorse. No, Bakugou can’t feel remorse.

“I’ve suffered worse.”

“Why didn’t you stand up?” He was still walking backwards with me.

“Standing up means effort, effort I don’t care enough to waste on stupid people like her.” I tried to sound serious, but it sounded more like a sick animal trying to growl.

“Showing them up sounds more like you.”

“No, it sounds like the person you raised me to be, and the person you are now.”

I walked into the principal’s office alone.

-At the Bakugou’s-

“Kemi, where are you?” Playing hide and seek with a six-year-old is fun unless you’re playing with Kemi who can refract the light so you can never find her.

“Here….” She was standing stone-cold, staring at the street, someone had left a dead cat there, once she saw the maggots, she was done for, she booked it to the bathroom and started throwing up so bad I had to call Mrs Bakugou.

“What’s wrong? is Kemi all right?” Her concern, filled my ears, it felt like a death sentence. Never once have I had to call them.

“We just saw a dead cat with maggots crawling out about ten minutes ago, she’s been throwing up everything in her stomach, I-”

“Just hold on, give her some bread to try and help with that, Katsuki should be home soon.”

“Okay, thank you.” I hung up, Kemi looked so sick, but I tried to get her to eat some bread, she threw it up. 

-Izuku Midoriya, at the Bakugou’s-

“Kemi stopped throwing up.” Kacchan said, “She’s sleeping now.” 

Kioko called me over…for her job, and told me to bring Kacchan, and that it was urgent. I saw that she was trying to lay her head back, but it hurt every time so she just stopped trying and dealt with it.

“Thank you.” She was earnest for once.

“I don’t understand why you needed me.” 

“I don’t have Bakugou’s number, and she wouldn’t stop throwing up and gagging and-” Tears pricked her eyes, “I didn’t know what to do, she needed someone other than me. I-I failed.” She bit her lip, a sign of intense resentment.

“Failure, in this case, belongs to the person who caused such an adverse reaction. You couldn’t be someone else and she needed to have family tell her it’s okay.” Bakugou looked too attuned to Kioko like he was searching for something.

“She was fine, and then she looked outside…..she couldn’t stop crying….it was MY fault for leaving the door open….” Kioko was about to pass out, she just handled the most trying part of her job.

-Katsuki Bakugou, 6:13 P.M.-

Kioko had fallen asleep, and Deku had left after telling his mom where Kiko was. My parents weren’t surprised to see Kioko passed out on the couch when they came home, they knew enough about what happened that day to not worry about anything happening between us. 

“Did you call her parents?” Dad asked, he didn’t care if Kioko stayed the night with Kemi.

“Or try to wake her up?” Mom didn’t want her to stay in the living room.

“Yes, and yes, her dad said it’s fine, and she tried to bite my hand off when I tried.” I meant it as a joke, but she did kick me when I tried to wake her up fifteen minutes ago.

“Uh-huh, fine, let’s make dinner.”

-After dinner, in the living room with Kemi watching a movie-

“When is Kio gonna wake up?” Kemi was sitting up, trying to peek at Kioko’s sleeping face.

“Whenever she wakes up, but for now,” I picked her up and put her down on the couch next to me, “You should watch the movie and try to fall asleep.”

“Kemi!” Kioko shot upright, standing in the middle of the room, she staggered.

-Kioko Midoriya-

“The inertia is gonna hit-” I glanced around the room, Bakugou looked slightly uneasy, and Akemi was excited.

None of that mattered when I finally felt the spinning in my head, like water rushing around, blurring my moment of lucidity before making me crash back into the carpeted floor. 

Almost immediately Akemi was at my side, “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine, just a little dizzy.” I stood up, carefully this time.

“Considering what happened today-” Bakugou smirked, he was right, again.

“Nothing happened today,” I glared at him, I didn’t want Akemi or their parents to know I got into a fight.

“I threw up, a lot.” She giggled but, she still looked pale.

“That wasn’t fun, huh?”

“No, but Mommy said since I’m sick and there’s no school, Katsuki can watch a movie with me,” She gasped, a huge smile spread across her face, “Will you stay over tonight? And watch the movie with us?” She was hugging me, little shivers passing through her.

“I-”

“Deku asked if you could stay here, and your folks said it was fine, my parents don’t care.” He wasn’t looking at me, we both knew why no one cared and why it was the only thing they cared about.

“Oh….then sure, why not?” 

I waited for him to tell me why I shouldn’t stay here, but he just kept watching the movie, the sarcasm from my question seeping away into the universe.

He took a deep breath, his eyes flitting to meet mine for a second, “I’m not the one you should ask for the reasons you shouldn’t stay here.”

“I was being sarcastic, genius.” He flicked a strand of hair out of Kemi’s eyes, her little snort of irritation muted by her sleepiness.

As if on cue, the song ‘Genius’ came on, signalling my American best friend calling, “Sorry, have to take this.” I walked outside, the cool night air rushing me.

When I answered, Zez Niat’s normally melodious voice was soaked in almost absolute terror, her face mottled without her lovely smile, “Are you okay? You haven’t called me all day!” It wasn’t a whine, more like a severe fear of me being not depressed again.

“Yeah, I’m fine, somehow I got roped into sleeping at Akemi’s house tonight-”

“You mean the little girl with the super model-hot brother who’s absolutely never gonna win back your trust?” The slew of words drowned out almost everything except for the unmistakable sound of a sharp intake of breath.

-Katsuki Bakugou-

“You’re on speaker, love.” Kioko’s voice gently reprimanded her friend for saying that so loudly.

As their conversation grew, I tried to tune out and focus on Kemi. She thought I was ‘hot’? I hadn’t thought about winning her trust back, or even trying to mend things between us, it had been so long since we’d talked. Talked the way Kiko and her friend were talking in the doorway. I remember Kioko’s mom glaring bullets into me when I used to bring Kioko home, I never would’ve noticed it if she hadn’t asked me why it happened. I told her that her mom was just upset by me not being Deku’s friend but befriending her, it was a lie though. She probably thought that one day, her perfect little angel would come home with a couple of bruises with me nowhere to be found. Too bad I played right into her hands, I was genuinely surprised that she let Kioko stay the night, but then again…she probably gave Kiko a very long, very extensive lecture on how she is to treat me. 

“He’s been……kinder.” Kioko sounded like she was defending someone, judging by her uncomfortable standing in the doorway, I’d guess it was her brother.

“Ooh, kinder how?” 

-Kioko Midoriya-

“Hold on a second,” I put my hand to cover the mic on my phone and turned to Bakugou, “Hey, I’m gonna change real quick, don’t…..think I vanished or anything, kay?” I didn’t wait for a response, choosing to just go to Kemi’s room where I already had a change of clothes.

-Katsuki Bakugou-

I almost got up to ask her if she needed to borrow some clothes from my mom when Kemi finally fell asleep, her head resting on my lap. When Kio came out of Kemi’s room she was still talking to her friend.

“So what if he hasn’t brought up the past? He’s still a douche, right?” Are they still talking about Deku?

“Jeez, you sound like Izu.” Kioko rolled her eyes.

“No, your brother sounds like me, but for real, what has he done to help you without an ulterior motive?”

“He-” Kiko looked at me, her eyes searching for something, “He reminded me of who I used to be?”

“A little girl with nearly uncontrollable powers? Yeah, sounds like a great friend to me.”

“No-”

“A little girl who had too much fire way too young?”

“No, look, he’s just probably not used to seeing a reminder of the past….” Kioko turned and walked back outside, her conversation fading away.

-After Kemi was put to bed and the movie ended-

“Well, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, kay?” Kioko’s friend was saying goodbye.

“Wait, why’re you up at five in the morning?” 

“I got up early, love you, bye.”

-Kioko Midoriya-

When Zez hung up, I went to grab my favourite blanket of the Bakugou’s. It used to be very colourful, with the most eye-catching hues of red, orange, and yellow, blended so perfectly that even after years of use, it still looked beautiful. I know that the sixteen-hour time difference is hard, but she shouldn’t be up so late because of me. When I walked back to the living room, with the blanket wrapped around my shoulders, Bakugou tensed, as the blanket reminded him of something.

“Akemi in bed?” I didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah, she fell asleep pretty early tonight.” He looked so out of place, an aggressive, arrogant, impulsive, narrow-minded, selfish person, in a place that screams humility, using your head, welcome to new ideas and people, and caring about others, how did Mr and Mrs Bakugou end up with him?

“Great,” I whispered, but I guess that he heard me, judging by his sudden focus on the movie.

-Zezaria Niat-

I woke up because I’m trying to apply for an abroad program in Japan. I need to make sure everything is ready for next year. For when I get to go to Japan and see Kioko’s family. I don’t have a crush on Kioko like everyone says I do, I just….care about her, she’s a year younger than me, and she reminds me of the younger sister I never got to have.

“Zaria? What’re you doing up?” My mom asked.

“Oh, hi Mom, just double making sure everything is set for my year abroad.”

“Honey, the school’s out, if you want to go to Japan we can go now and set you up with your host family, has the school told you who they are yet?”

“No, I’m finding out next week, and then I think that I’m gonna be placed there the week after that. I think.” I needed to clarify, Mom doesn’t always remember the right things.

“Oh, have fun.” She kissed my forehead lightly and went back to bed.

Chapter One

[writingwithinwriting]

How to Learn not to be Writing.

I haven’t had much to say recently when it comes to writing. I haven’t been writing at all. Or, I have been trying not to write. I have the time to be qriting now that my manuscript is all tidied up and ready to submit, and I have plenty of ideas which I have been jotting down. But I am trying not to write.

I’ve had a few people comment on the fact that, as writers go, I’m a hard worker. Fellow poets have told me they have seen my output during Napowrimo in the past and wondered how I managed it. Others have asked how I manage to come to a new poetry night with a selection of new material every time. 

This is a wild thing to hear when you have had it pummelled into you through school reports and parent’s evening visits that Pascal would be so successful if only they put in more effort... I still remember being a short little kid and looking into these kindly ladies faces who would look down at me with all the expectation in the world. Which, in turn, was very jarring to hear when I was struggling to do basic things like tell the time, tie my shoes, climb stairs and bathe myself.

As a kid, I felt exhausted all the time. Not in the same way I do now, I felt emotionally exhausted. I was drained by the constant bullying at school, I was getting heart palpitations and stomach cramps from the anxiety of constant testing from middle school to senior school and through to a-levels. 

I started to have panic attacks in my teens that would soon last hours and hours. My phobia was spiralling into obsession and terror. I attempted on my life twice. And I was convinced this was normal. Therefore, I had to carry on at the same speed everyone else was managing to keep up.

I am paying for that now. ME/CFS has forced me to stop taking everything at a break neck pace. And yet writing is the one thing I haven’t slowed down on. I do write a lot. Its not all good, you don’t see it all and certainly quantity isn’t quality, but at least I have that on my side.

I don’t have any impostor syndrome. I believe I’m a good writer, I’m not exceptional, but I have two things on my side which I think have given the illusion that I am somehow always writing all the time. I write to relax and I do not care how good or bad my writing is when I am at it.

These are both, in fact, big fat lies. And I have known this in the back of my heads for years. 

I do care very much how well I write and that’s why I write so often. It feels like the memory of all those beaming teachers praising me for the one thing I exceeded at is engrained in my brain. If I stop writing, I stop having purpose, I stop being useful.

Writing is often something I do to keep myself awake. This isn’t a problem most people have; most people do not need to find activities that balance needing tiny amounst of physical energy with high mental stimulation. If I don’t have both, I go slightly berserk. If my fatigue is too high, I struggle to form basic sentences and look after myself. If I get too bored, I get anxious, I get angry, I get depressed. It is a tight rope walk where I have to keep running or else I will fall into a bottomless pit.

That is a not a healthy way to go about any kind of work. Especially when I have a life outside of writing. I have a family I need to look after during a difficult period and a body that needs feeding, washing and excercising. 

I have poured everything in the last year into my manuscript. Because my ‘everything’ is so small and insignficant next to the forty hour work weeks I see my family and friends a part of, it didn’t feel meaningful. Right after Good Listeners was published, I gave myself a month or two of a break and began shaping the manuscript I have just finished.

I had spent the previous two years shaping Good Listeners. And the previous five years grinding through the most challenging and transformative part of my life. I remember working so hard on my dissertation in the final days, when I went to hand it in, the staff in charge of the printers insisted I sit down and get some water because I looked so pale. 

Someone thought I was high. I felt high. I felt so adrift, I was walking around like a zombie. Someone said I was speaking in whispers. I showed up to the hand in with flowers in my hair because I was so giddy from lack of sleep. I had so little sleep my eyes would start darting around if I relaxed, I would fall asleep on the floor folding towels or unconciously try to sit down in the shower and sleep.

Afterwards I moved back into my parents house and began working until my fatigue slowed me to a crawl. And all I could do to be useful was cook, clean and write whenever I could.

Before that was a-levels. Before that was school. I do not remember a time in my life when I have not been chasing a deadline or creating my own to feel a sense of purpose. I don’t think I can do this any more. 

Not because I don’t want to continually get better and better and better, I adore writing. It is a beautiful thing to find the way you can make yourself whole in this world. I write down every strange dream, weird film idea, every game I want to make one day.

I am writing this down to make it real. To make sure I know the only way I know how to accept what is better for me. I said I would try and finish two manuscripts this year, I finished one and now I am fighting to get up each morning to take my medication. I think it is best if I just step away from deadlines altogether until the new year. 

This is what we call in the writer world a really shitty situation. I hate this, I hate knowing I need to do this. I know every time I have taken a break from performing or publishing I have been left behind by opportunities and valuable experiences. But if I keep I trying to out run my exhaustion, I won’t grow, exceed or expand on what I can do.

This means that some projects are going to go into hibernation, like the nonfiction manuscript and most likely Hundreds & Thousands podcast. I have to re-learn that writing isn’t all typing and scribbling as you’re chained to a desk as people peer over you waiting for shakespeare to happen. I have books to read, workshops to attend, writers to talk to and so much more.

I recently read a Vietnamese epic called the Song of Kieu. Its stunning, heart wrending and world rearranging. And it did very little to further my own writing. But now I have that book in my world. It has grown my purpose to love and perservere and listen to the demon on the road.

I might be posting more on this blog, to get things out of my brain. Or I might not. I will be cooking, cleaning and helping my family. I’ll be taking naps and medication. I will still be here.

[runningaway-and-startingover]

I’m back again at the place that seems to make everything right, well at least in my mind. Now that I’m in my late 20s my “childhood” has been popping up in my thoughts a lot. The hostesses I work with are 15-17 which is the age I was when stating this blog. I didn’t realize it then but damn I really was a kid. 15,16, even 17 is not an adult. They are still children and deserve to be protected. I didn’t realize that back when I was that age I felt like an adult, as most teenagers do. Now I realize the adults in my life failed me. I could never imagine talking to or giving as much responsibility as was given to me to a 15-17 yr old. My family treated me like I was 26 not 16. I was expected to drive my cousin to get beer in the middle of the night when I had no license. When my mom said I wasn’t allowed grandma just said I’m old enough to make my own choices. Spoiler alert I was not. I was sexually assaulted the first time because I missed the bus and grandma couldn’t get me until kassidy woke up from her nap, I was near tears on the phone begging her to get me. I almost failed freshman year because my mom broke her ribs and glasses. Grandma couldn’t get me until kasen got to school, he had perfect attendance(in first grade), I missed my exam and almost couldn’t take it. I screamed for help when struggling with suicidal thoughts and begged to not be left alone. My grandma then told my little cousins I need to be left alone for a while. She then took my cousin to dance and left me home alone. I had to beg my mom to leave early I was scared and wanted to hurt myself. At 16 I actually tried to kill myself. My classmates didn’t notice if I was there or not and my “family” never cared about me. I was the inconvenience. I almost died and all they did was fight with my mom about whose fault it was. Me at 16 and on my near death bed was left confused. It was my fault I took the pills, no one forced me. I just needed love after. Only my mom showed up because I posted a selfie on insta while I was high as a kite. So it apparently wasn’t serious, the doctors were wrong, I was in icu for three days for nothing. The only times they were slightly nice to me was when they were trying to turn me against my mom. Once me and mom made up I was dropped again. At 17 my mom’s ex stalked us and destroyed our house. We moved in with my grandma because we had no where to go. My older cousin almost immediately moved her and her kids out and my aunt refused to speak to my grandma. They wanted us thrown out on the street. I’ve even had friends tell me they felt uncomfortable coming over because they didn’t understand why my grandma and cousin were so mean to me. Now I’m an adult I have little to no contact with them. Looking back though the way they treated me was wrong. I was a kid whether I felt that way or not and I deserved to be protected. I didn’t deserve the way they treated me.

[lilmackiereads]

A TAXONOMY OF LOVE (2018) BY RACHAEL ALLEN - SPOILER-FILLED REVIEW

For the review WITHOUT SPOILERS, click here. To continue WITH spoilers, begin reading after the cover photo.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

I am actually surprised with myself for giving this such a high rating as I am easily very bored with the teen romance novels. Of the few YA romance that I have read in the last year this has been my favorite which was a total surprise! I actually almost gave up reading it in the first 50 or so pages because I found the initial few chapters from Spence’s point of view unrealistic. For some reason I just didn’t feel like the dialogue and thought processes going on in this 13-year-old boy’s head felt accurate to the tween boys I’ve known growing up. There wasn’t enough swearing or boyish grossness. For instance, I feel like he needed a bit of a sprinkle of yucky (belching/ nose-picking/ farting/ name-calling) like the boys in Stephen King’s “The Body” aka Stand by Me (1986), The Sandlot (1993) or Stranger Things (2016) because many boys at this age are generally just pretty gross and obnoxious in my experience. (I grew up tween to teen between 2008-2018 and babysat lots of kids and now I work with middle school and high schoolers…)

HOWEVER, I think Allen did nail Spence’s dorkiness, which is why I ultimately kept reading because he is pretty adorable and his taxonomies are pretty funny.

Unlike John Green (The Fault in Our Stars, 2012 and Turtles All the Way Down, 2017) and Becky Albertalli (Simon vs the Homosapien Agenda, 2015) who are two of the best teen writers that can accurately display the minds of the opposite sex in my opinion, I feel like Allen struggles a bit with writing Spence’s point-of-view. I found Hope’s p-o-v more realistic (and relatable) as a female, but I think that Spence became more realistic as the book progressed from age 13 to 19. Especially once he hit puberty, I think the romantic stakes and thoughts were more accurate to a teenage boy. Haha. But what do I know? I’ve never been a teenage boy.

Hope reminded me a lot of myself because I’m generally happy-go-lucky, but I had a major emo-phase in high school that really warped my attitude at the time (and admittedly comes out to play occasionally as an adult.) I wish we had more chapters from her perspective. I was bummed out when her sister died. It's hard to lose someone so close to you, especially when they're so young. The only thing I didn't like about Hope was her last name, Birdsong. I think it was just a little too on-the-nose. If we're really going for the "girl next door" she could have just had a basic last name like Smith or Miller.

I really liked all the little parties the characters through for the holidays and the references to Hamilton (2015), Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975), Grease (1978), and Pokémon. Jayla and Spencer's Pikachu and Ash costumes sounded adorable. I feel like Hope’s transition over the story is actually a lot like Sandy’s! Also, the two girls at the Halloween party who were Sandy before and after, such a cool costume idea!

Jayla and Dean were both kind of annoying at times, but ultimately, I think they had good hearts, but were just a little too self-involved for their own good. I really appreciated after Dean went to college and grew up a little and started to stand up for Jayla and Spencer.

I also like that the book goes over some important topics like racism and the Civil War, disability awareness, bullying, mental health, and using sexual situations as a coping mechanism.

My top three favorite parts are:

The Vice Principal’s Surprise -- I mean DICK CONFETTI? How much better can it get?

2. The Tree Stand in the Rain -- My little heart at all the romance:

3. The Lightning Bugs -- Just such a sweet and magical moment.

Would I Read this Book Again?

Low key kind of want to read it again right now! I hope they make a movie of this!

[letmelickyoureyeballs]

I know you don’t need this for your project, but I still wanna answer. This is also steered more towards being asexual, but many points I say can be related to me being aromantic.

1.What do you identify as?

-Nonbinary pansexual aroace-I’m not attracted to anyone, but I will “date” anyone

2.When did you figure out your sexuality?

-Figured I was asexual and pansexual around my freshmen year of high school(so 14ish) during Covid. Had a lot of time on my hands and was bored on the internet, which is how I found out. Learned I was also aromantic this year thanks to the help of people on Tumblr. 

3.What representation do you see in today's world concerning aroace individuals?

-Most of the characters that I see as aroace are never explicitly stated as that, and instead are just coded that way. The only characters that I know are in Bojack Horseman, Sex Education, and Hazbin Hotel(I know there’s a moment of Rosie calling Alastor ace), and I feel like Spongebob is ace?

- Generally the coded characters just don’t have sex or aren’t in a relationship, and then are seen as weird. The closest thing I can think of to aromantic representation is two characters in a platonic relationship, or best friends living together. I know Rachel and Monica in Friends aren’t aroace, but them living together is the closest thing I can think of to what I’d want to see of an aromantic relationship.

4.Did you struggle with coming to terms with your sexuality?

-Yes as I didn’t know what I was feeling was different. Growing up I didn’t really feel any different. I had crushes and liked when the guy got with the girl, even though I didn’t like the kissing or sex scenes, but I just thought it was because I wasn’t “mature” enough yet. 

-What really made me start to question was the transition from middle to high school and actually talking about relationships and stuff. I learned that while I did have “crushes”, they weren’t the same as my friends. For me having a crush meant I wanted to be close with that person in any way I could. Which was different from my friends who either wanted to kiss, date, or fuck their crushes. I big key for me was when I asked myself, “If my crush asked me on a date or to be their partner, what would I say,” and the answer was always I wouldn’t want that. I also just never liked talking about sex ever, or seeing it. 

-Another hard aspect was the thought that I just wasn’t old or mature enough to actually know I didn’t want sex or a relationship. Anytime I would bring it up I would get the old, “You don’t know till you try it,” or, “I also didn’t want/think about that when I was your age, but now I do, so just wait.” 

-Another thing someone else said is that it’s harder to notice the absence of something than the presence of something. It took me a while to realize I wasn’t sexually or romantically attracted to people because no one ever teaches you what they are, as it’s assumed everyone has it. I didn’t realize that what I was feeling was not the norm. Sexual innuendos flew over my head, and I didn’t realize shit like “smash or pass” actually meant people wanted to fuck those people/characters. 

-I also always had the mentality of I’ll date later or after high school and just kept pushing it off. When my friend started obsessing over a guy and wanting to spend shit loads of money on him, I just didn’t understand why she’d want to do that. When people would talk about their bad relationships or something their partner did my first thought was always just break up with them. I never understood the “bonds” of a relationship and why it’s hard for people to break them. 

-And truth be told, I do want to try sex once to see the hype, but it would be with some sort of professional. I don’t want any ties, and then if people try me with the, “You probably just had a bad time, or a bad partner,” I can hit them with, “No I did it with someone whose whole job is to make you feel good. It wasn’t a bad time, I just don’t want sex.” AND MY LABIDO IS NOT FUCKING LOW AND I WASN’T ABUSED IN ANY WAY

5.Did coming to terms with your sexuality hurt any aspects of your life? (Friends, family, relationships etc)

-It’s definitely changed aspects, but I don’t think it’s hurt anything. My parents didn’t know what asexuality was when I told them, and they assumed I would grow out of it, or just had to try sex first. My mom finally realizes it’s not a phase and supports me, and she’ll buy rainbow stuff she sees for me. 

-My dad doesn’t talk about any of it, but he isn’t downputting or dismissive, so I don’t really know what he thinks. My sister was fine with it, and my aunt is gay so she was cool. Grandparents aren’t hostile but I don’t think they’re supportive. 

-Honestly, I felt more included as my friends were gay and I felt left out before I came out. 

-The best way I was able to describe asexuality to people that didn’t get it was if I go to a museum and see a beautiful painting, I don’t want to fuck the painting. I will admire it and might stare at it for hours, but that’s it. I might think about it hours or days after I leave the museum. I might even want to take it home, but I don't want to have sex with it. I can admire its beauty and move on.

6.Do you think you would have benefited seeing characters in tv shows/movies growing up if they had aroace characters?

-Yes, absolutely. It would have made finding out way easier if I had seen more representation. And seeing different areas of both spectrums would have helped too. 

-Another challenge when I was deciding if I was aroace, was seeing how well I fit into those labels. I only had the textbook definitions and I would identify with some aspects of both spectrums and not with others. Seeing different kinds of asexuals and aromantics would have helped more. 

-One of the hard parts of realizing I was aromantic was the fact that I do want some sort of queer-platonic relationship when most of the aros that I saw didn’t. This didn’t mean I wasn’t aro, it just meant I was on a different space of the aromantic spectrum.

7.Is there anything you would like people to know about what being aroace means to you, or anything you would like to say about it?

-For me being aroace means:

-I don’t want sex and I am slightly repulsed by it. But I am fine with reading it like in fanfic as I don’t need to see it and it feels less “real” -I do want some sort of QPR but I don’t want to get married, and I would be physically affectionate just no sex and probably no kissing -I don’t want kids? I know that’s not aroace, but it definitely helps that I don’t want sex, and I would feel like you need a relationship for that -I do get “crushes” which means I just want to be around that person a lot -Sex stuff just flies over my head even when it’s punching me in the face -I can still get “turned on,” I just don’t want sex -This will be a little tmi/mature, but you can still like to masturbate as an asexual. Had a confusing little stage of, “I don’t want sex and I’m not sexually attracted, but I can get horny and doing this feels good…so I’m not asexual then?” Had to really seperate masturbating from sex before I could come to terms with being asexual-Sorry but for anyone questioning asexuality, this was a factor in that process that’ll maybe help anyone else experiencing the same confusion -You are not broken for not wanting sex or a romantic relationship -You are also not less asexual or aromantic for wanting sex or a romantic relationship-it’s about the attraction part, not the doing part -Not every asexual is aromantic and vice versa -Many aspects of being aroace overlap and what someone sees as being an aspect of aromanticism might be seen as asexualism by someone else -Being aroace isn't permanent, you might realize later on that you aren’t aroace and that’s ok. Nothing in life is permanent -Don't let other people tell you how you’re supposed to feel or act, you are not less because you are different. Just cause someone is older and “wiser” doesn’t mean they are correct or know everything -One more time but BEING ASEXUAL AND AROMANTIC IS A SPECTRUM, there aren’t people that are more or less aroace than others and you shouldn’t assume how you feel is the same as someone else's on the same spectrum

Hope this helps to anyone who reads this, and my asks/dms are always open to talk :)

Hi it's Hampter and I got questions for aroace indivdials or aro and ace peoplle.

I am doing research project for school about rep for aroace people in the film industry but I would like some of everyone's opinions.

I can't use our aroace experience blog as a source because I didn't actually "interview" them. All quotes will be anonymous unless you give me a fake name that I can put down.

What do you identify as?

When did you figure out your sexuality?

What representation do you see in today's world concerning aroace individuals?

Did you struggle with coming to terms with your sexuality?

Did coming to terms with your sexuality hurt any aspects of your life? (Friends, family, relationships etc)

Do you think you would have benefited seeing characters in tv shows/movies growing up if they had aroace characters?

Is there anything you would like people to know about what being aroace means to you, or anything you would like to say about it?

You can answer all of them or some of them. You can DM me or reply in the comments.

Hugs!<3

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

10 May 2023 Wednesday 2:39 am pt

Adam Noah Levine is a pig 🐷. He tried to take my left big toe from me minutes ago. 2:40 am pt I told him to leave us alone if he isn’t going to cut off my head. He has been unrelentingly cruel for the past 6 years. My life has been a socially desolated one. Even in high school 🏫 a lot of people seemed to be afraid 😱 to look at me and I didn’t know god demon lord of demon angels (child rapists) was making them afraid to interact with me. A lot of times I was ignored in high school 🏫. I almost felt invisible at times if I ever stood in a random circle ⭕️. It’s weird if I see people respond to me. I’m not used to getting attention. It’s as if I’m finally not a ghost 👻 anymore. 2:45 am pt

2:46 am pt freshman year my English teacher yelled at me calling me stupid infront of the whole class Bcz I didn’t stand behind the wall and then appear from behind curtain? Something about Juliet balcony scene. 2:48!am pt I never complained to anyone but soon after that a student teacher came and replaced him for an internship (acid throat mouth pain 2:48 am pt). I didn’t think 💭 it had anything to do with me until recently. Also same with my art teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 after he told me I did “A” grade quality work but Bcz I turned it in late I got a “B.” Incubus messed with all my drawings that I spent so many days on carefully drawing from feelings and still life things. He ruined all my artwork 🖼 to fit a new narrative of my life. I don’t know what that narrative is. Every time he replaced something edited the only word he would mention: “death.” No explanations. Photographs of us: “death.” When I thought of moving to New York to be closer to my sister in 2013: “death.” He made me afraid to move to be closer to her. I thought 💭 that I would be happier closer to her (right butt cheek pain) 2:54 am pt. Everyday I lived with anxiety. I was shy and quiet and often looked over/ignored in school 🏫 by most people. I made some mistakes that I questioned sometimes why I did that. 2:56 am pt I somehow did so much school 🏫 work in middle school 🏫 that I got honor guard (honor roll almost every quarter). In elementary school 🏫 I did have comprehension problems. The books 📚 weren’t big for science 🧬 in middle school 🏫 but sometimes I had concentration problems and difficulties answering questions that I needed to take the book 📚 home 🏠 which the teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 discouraged us from doing. It was weird that we could not normally/usually take books 📚 home 🏠. We were expected to do book 📖 reading and answering questions in class. I once cried Bcz he questioned my intentions. I needed more time. 7th grade math 🧮 science 🧬 teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 took me outside to talk to me and I cried. 3:02 pmpt I think 💭 my home 🏠 life often consisted of more homework 📚 time than most other students. I think 💭 god intended my life to be mostly lonely and planned to lie to me now using Adam Noah Levine and incubus.3:03 am pt

3:04 am pt in kindergarten the demon angel told me I couldn’t have what my sister had. I thought 💭 he meant boyfriend at the time. But I guess he meant an entirely happy complete social life. He meant for me to be close to desolated my whole life. 3:06 am pt so my sister got to go out to people’s houses 🏘 and parties 🎉 and have friends and boyfriends one after the other continuously and I would struggle. I guess that is where autism is (right foot 🦶 pain 😖😭3:07 am pt) useful to him. He made me easily get frustrated upset with all sorts of tools 🧰 including making my mom hate me and irritated with me from a young age, since probably a baby 👶 she said she held me once during cooking 🧑‍🍳 and I almost kicked the pot of water. It’s like the devil 👿 liked to make life difficult for us living in the dormitory of the college in Menlo Park. I was cursed my whole life. 3:10 am pt

3:12 am pt there were a lot of times I stayed home and my excuse was homework 📚, while my mom and sister went out. Sometimes or every time I screwed around for a while Bcz of an inability to concentrate (acid left nostril 👃 pain 3:14 am pdt)) comprehend, I was extremely slow when it came to textbooks 📚 I was cursed. I was also a perfectionist and a procrastinator. 3:15!am pt all tools 🧰 to desolate me. 3:15 am pt

3:39 am pt I vomited 🤮 a little liquid I drank I think hours ago something that should have only took 5 minutes to digest. 😖😭

everytime my mom went out with my sister she would say to me “it doesn’t have to be perfect.” But I think 💭 I had a difficult time with doing anything at all. 3:42 am pt incubus told me he hates me. Again. Not the first time. He really means it. I always tried to squeeze myself into a seat 💺 trying not to take too much space anywhere I sat. For years. Holding my legs and feet and hands close to my body. 3:44 am pt. I think 💭 he hates my personality. 3:45 am pt most friendships didn’t last very long. 3:46 am pt I guess I was annoying in high school 🏫. 8th grade year 2 students said they wanted to kill me. And another one punched me in the head. In elementary school 🏫 (heart ♥️ pain 3:47 am pt) I had comprehension reading problems. A teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 offered me extra books 📚 to take home 🏠 to practice reading 📖 some books had pretty illustrations and were girly. 3:49 am pt exhaling hot air. 🥵 so I spent a lot more time reading 📖 at home 🏠 at one point in lelementary school 🏫. Fictional stories though. Textbooks 📚 were always weirder harder to understand. 3:50 sam pt. 3:51 am pt

min elementary school 🏫 though I think I also had problems with answering questions even for books 📖 that were probably fictional stories something with beaver 🦫 in the title probably something about native Americans? And right of passage. Growing up 🆙. 3:53 am pt the only phrase I could recall in regards to the book 📚. I think 💭 I watched too many cartoons or was doing something else at home 🏠 I think 💭 I probably forgot to do homework 📚. Another teacher 👩‍🏫 came over to our class who always scared 😱 me she was (anus acid pain 3:55 am pt) tall with auburn? Hair and I was talked loud with glasses 🤓 she was a little tough rough with me since first grade when I didn’t follow along with a calculator exercise and I got overwhelmed from not paying attention at first and then when I paid attention I was lost on how to use the calculator and follow along. She called out commands rapidly. And she got angry at me for not following along. I was flustered and scared 😱 while everyone else knew how to do it. She took a hold of my arm when I said I felt hot 🥵 and she yelled out well sit outside. I think she probably would have dragged me out roughly if I didn’t move cooperatively with her when she grabbed my arm. 3:59 am pt

4 am pt I was nervous every time I saw her but for some reason she was nice to my younger sister and gave her a free ice cream 🍦. 4:01 am pt teeth pain 4:02 am pt

Once I tried to silently do what the other kids were doing near her Bcz I think she she gave them free passes/coupons to get free icecream 🍦 from the cafeteria or had the ice cream 🍦 bars on hand in a cooler hoping she would give me one but she seemed to ignore me. 4:04 am pt she didn’t let up 🆙 her tough teacher 👩‍🏫 act until I guessed at what a weather balloon or satellite 📡 was. I was supposed to look it up 🆙 the night b4 but completely forgot. All I could do was guess and hope I was right and I thought she knew the answers and was quizzing me, and I started them thinking that I can guess at things and maybe be right about it, like a psychic. But I wouldn’t know without confirmation from the teacher 👩‍🏫. It set me up 🆙 in the future to guess on things and Jen feel like I was psychic. 4:07 am pt but of course not everything worked out that way all the time so I still had to do a lot of work especially math 🧮 and all reading 📖 homework 📚. 4:08 am pt she was so scary to me. She seems like a terror with her booming voice. 4:08 am pt

4:09 am pt she once gave me a reading test and I think I started to stutter. And she gasses see me to be below my grade in terms of reading skills. 4:10 am pt

4:11 am pt sometimes I would cry when I was alone outside at school 🏫 and I had I forget like a whimper? In my crying. 4:12 am pt I was always afraid to go to the bathroom 🚽 at school 🏫, too.

Once a couple of girls dragged a boy into the girls restroom 🚻. The yard duty got confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ and thought I did it. So I had to sit in time out for recess. While the real one looked at me smugly and walked away. 4:14 am pt

4:25 am pt incubus sliced off a piece of my heart ♥️ I think 💭 and then I started feeling light headed wobbly. Difficulty breathing. I would not want this guy in my team. He’s .. ruthless? Definition? No sympathy/empathy. He is like a predatory animal 🦔 moving around selfishly with no respect for women. He vilified me and hurt me a lot. I can tell he’s extremely biased and doesn’t care for the truth with only the goal 🥅 to kill. Same team as garrido’s child rapists demon angels. Paint a picture of his personality. He is only doing it with a n animal killing personality cold 🥶 with no humanity. 4:30 🕟 am pt and he will use other people’s presence to fake his humanity but all movements he does betray he’s fake and only a killer with no heart 💜. 4:31 am pt

4:33 am pt many people are born to be fillers. Noah’s ark. They probably don’t take the time to actually do any genetic testing I fear. They fabricated everything. It’s only luck of the draw ✍️. My family names have virtuous and ethical in the names. You’d think 💭 that would mean everyone is born with ethical genes 🧬 then to name us that. 4:36 am pt to kill me off now cutting away at my heart ♥️ would mean everything they put out there about genes 🧬 and good people bad people is phony then. Bcz Jesus Christ was supposedly ethical? With appreciation for love 💗 monogamy and hard work and fairness. 4:38 am pt but he is treating me like trash 🗑 and killing my heart now.

4:45 am pt he is using me to save his face about rape and women and children 👶 but I guess he doesn’t need me anymore so he is getting rid of me. I tried to get a n appointment with my doctor 👩‍⚕️ in 2020? 2021? To check my heart ♥️ but she made excuses and told me to call ☎️ 911 the next (😖😭💀 pain 4:48 am pt) time I feel something and every time I was in the hospital 🏥 prior to that they told me that my heart ♥️ was ok 👌 even though I had difficulty breathing and the incubus had punctured it in 8/17/2017. 4:51 am pt I m scared 😱 of what they are doing and going to do. I’m scared 😱 for my mom and me and my sister. 4:53 am pt

7:41 pmpt incubus almost burned 🔥 me to death ☠️ 3? Times today after my bed 🛌 was changed. I think 💭 he has also been tangling my hair. He is very vindictive heinous judgemental abusive. He is not understanding. At least I tried to be understanding of people even when they were angry at me. But he never wants to be. He will ALWAYS judge a woman 👩🏼. He doesn’t understand woman. He thinks a woman needs to let men roll/walk all over her s*xually but he will also call her a whore probably if she does that too. There is no winning with this type of personality. He IS the WORST PERSON.. CREATURE BEAST in the UNIVERSE. The ABSOLUTE WORST. I’m usually nice to people upon first meeting. BUT if you cross the LINES when we DONT KNOW each other, you’re asking for trouble! After Scott called me a whore on Facebook I became harder about being touched too soon 🔜. 7:49 pmpt I felt like I couldn’t trust myself. But sometimes I had no patience. 7:50 pmpt incubus miñion has an UGLY personality. BEAST he is. 7:51 pmpt NOTHING humane about him. 7:51 pmpt

7:52 pmpt he seems like an extension of Adam Noah Levine. But distinctly different person. The incubus has his own signature feeling, but they’re both cruel and heinous. But the incubus obviously is hiding he knows things about me and knows he shouldn’t be as hard on me as he is. 7:53 pmpt

8:36 pmpt but I shouldn’t excuse the incubus miñion Bcz he knows better.

8:37 pmpt I typed that that teacher graded/assessed me to be below my grade level in reading 📖. I guess she could have been gass lighting me Bcz she probably knew she made me nervous but didn’t want to admit it. Maybe she wanted to make my regular or previous teacher look ineffective? (Slammed door 🚪 8:39 pmpt) idk 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe something else/different. Maybe that was the reason they let me borrow fictional books 📚 in elementary school 🏫 from another teacher 👨🏻‍🏫. 8:41 pmpt those were nice books 📖 I guess. I don’t recall much content so I guess there was nothing weird in the books 📚.

8:53 pmpt they already knew b4 conception that they were going to prematurely sacrifice me, like Jon benet Ramsey. They knew b4 my sisters’ conceptions that they weren’t going to prematurely sacrifice them. 8:55 pmpt which is why they’re all leo ♌️ sun 🌞 signs 🪧 . Jeremy, Mimi, and my youngest sister and my sisters’s 👯‍♀️ First borns. Leo ♌️ x 5. 8:57 pmpt everything. Fabricated. Which is probably why the incubus said good people do bad things. 8:58 pmpt but he won’t let me think I’m good for sure. Instea, he gave me the idea that garrido is good. That’s right. He would rather say garrido is better than me. Which is why he had babies 👶 with dugard. He kidnapped her and raped her. BUT he was willing to get caught. I read he said that he will never hurt their babies 👶. 9 pmpt unfortunately, that’s reality. Yet people early on held a lot of things against me that were relatively extremely small in comparison to garrido’s deeds. I was called names. People told me I was crazy. And when I passed by someone in a store 🏬 I thought 💭 I heard the word “sicko.” 9:03 pmpt I am as punched in the head probably 4 punches total, very strong 💪 hard powerful punches. I think 💭 I probably felt a soft spot in my skull 💀 where the punches happened sometime afterward and after I read on Wikipedia that there was a natural hole 🕳 for a vein? Artery? . It is weird now that I think about it. 9:05 pmpt it’s healed now. 9:06 pmpt I also hit my head a lot on very dense hard things. An old car 🚗 with a metal exterior. Steel bunk bed frame. A dense wooden bench in the Philippines 🇵🇭. Probably had a high dense Janka rated hardness. A failed cherry drop from the tallest bar on the school playground at Payne elementary school 🏫. Into tan bark. I also fell out of a van with heavy books 📚 in my backpack 🎒 onto the street behind my elementary school 🏫 in the morning. I had the books 📚 Bcz I had concentration and comprehension problems so I didn’t finish the previous day in class the reading and questions. You know without all my problems a lot of people wouldn’t have jobs? 9:11 pmpt when I was about to turn 18 years old my mom wanted me to go to group counseling Bcz I wanted to meet Derek. 9:12 pmpt police 👮‍♂️ and doctors 🥼 don’t have the motivation to do the right things for/by dugard. That wasn’t a beautiful life. Living in a shed naked on a bucket 🪣 being raped when 11 years old and it hurt. 9:14 pmpt people are very motivated by money 💰 and their own survival. They think they can justify it by believing they are better. But can you really say you’re better? Greeks wouldn’t agree. You have easy life it makes it easy to not be cross. 9:16 pmpt

9:39 pmpt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if I am like wreck it Ralph in a way. 9:40 pmpt

9:41 pmpt I did kinda hit on a grown man when I was around 4/5 years old, in a swimming 🏊‍♀️ pool 🏊‍♀️ probably after I started feeling the incubus tickle my vagina and he put it in my mind to hump plush Mickey Mouse 🐁 toy 🧸. 9:43 pmpt

9:47 pmpt incubus/miñion changed my words to” I am as”. Typed I was punched... . 9:48 pmpt searing pain righ thigh. They re going to make me fall and die when I’m weak. No fake outs here. No miracles. 9:49 pmpt 9:50 pmpt everyone already knows incubus that you want me to die. So I wish you would just cut my head off. Make your miñion do it. He can move on to his next victim sooner. 9:52 pmpt

10:13 pmpt in high school 🏫 years, 2001, I had thought 💭 I was maybe half psychic. But I think 💭 that I thought 💭 it was a natural ability Bcz of something I saw on tv 📺 that people don’t usually use their whole brains 🧠 and that I was tapping into the part of the brain 🧠 that a lot of people were not trying hard enough to exercise. 😤🥵😤🥵😤😤. On an aol hometown webpage I created in 2001, I typed I thought 💭 I was half psychic and I showed it to “Brendan.” 10:17 pmpt I also typed I liked flipper the tv show and tennis 🎾?