#but in comparison to Sirius and James he doesn’t really compare

[arliedraws]

I love that we see Remus with a book one (1) time in SWM (that he literally is only pretending to read) and y’all were like “he is a voracious reader he loves to read, he should own a bookstore, he is very smart and studious”

[j-amespotter]

★ cardigan - s. b.

“i knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired.” 

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

x. x. x.

Summary: Your relationship with Sirius is on the rocks, but you loved him and at the end of the day, he was always there. For your own happiness, something had to change. 

Genre/Warnings: angst, alcohol, language, toxic relationship 

Word Count: ~3k

A/N: this took a lot, and i mean a lot of energy. not sure how i feel about it (i am my worst critic) but i really didn’t want a pushover protagonist. ps... communicating with your partner is hot! let me know what you think (and if you think i should make a taglist) :) 

masterlist

“Ravenclaw girl this time. Blonde… I think I recognize her. Couldn’t see the front of her robes, she might be one of the fifth-year prefects. You know I’m terrible with names. Ask James, he finds it hilarious.”

“You should work for the Prophet, Lils,” you said, without looking up from your toast, which was becoming more and more tasteless with every bite. “What were they doing?” 

“Talking,” answered Lily pointedly. “He ended the conversation fairly quickly when he saw me looking, though.” 

You sighed. This discussion was becoming too routine for your liking, most often with Lily, occasionally with Remus. “Well, if they were just talking, then I don’t see the issue. Lily, it is early. We have double Potions this morning. I really don’t want to deal with your weird suspicions about my boyfriend right now.” 

If Lily sensed your underlying irritation, she chose to ignore it. “I just think you deserve better, that’s all. I mean, James–” 

You finally turned and stared defiantly into your best friend’s vibrant green eyes. “Lily, I hate to break it to you, but James is the exception, not the rule. Just because he’s some angel on earth doesn’t mean all boyfriends are like that, and that’s not even considering the fact that he’s been hopelessly in love with you since second year…” 

Huffing, Lily picked at the fruit off of her plate. “Okay, I get it. I won’t bring it up again.” It was sweet how much Lily cared. James doted on her day and night. It would have been easy to forget about her friend’s love-related quandaries. But that was Lily Evans – always considerate of others.

Truthfully, you were tired. You knew what ‘talking’ with Sirius Black entailed. It did not make you feel as secure as you indicated to Lily. As time went on, it was getting increasingly harder to defend Sirius’s overly-careless behavior. If he wasn’t chatting up girls in random corners of the castle, he stood you up on your scheduled study dates in favor of detention with James. There was only a little comfort in the fact that he wasn’t always like this. If he was, would you have even dated him? Deep down, you knew that as much as Sirius was a thrill-chaser, he was incredibly capable of being a loving boyfriend. For that reason alone, you bore the incredibly painful motions of being in a relationship with him. 

He briefly reminded you of his better qualities when you opened your Potions textbook and felt a feathery kiss on your neck. “Guess who?” whispered Sirius sultrily into your ear. 

You couldn’t help the automatic flush that made its way onto your cheeks. “Hmm… is it Remus?” you whispered back, stifling a giggle. 

“Don’t tease,” he grunted before planting a swift kiss on your cheek. He plopped onto the chair next to you and faced you with a lazy grin. “You look disappointed, love. I’m afraid your usual Potions partner is a bit preoccupied at the moment.” He gestured across the room, where you spotted Lily practically hanging off of James’s lap, distracting herself until the start of her favorite class with his lips. 

“They’re hopeless,” you commented airily, in an attempt to disguise your envy. You felt Sirius’s gaze burning into you. “Missed you at breakfast this morning,” you added in a casual tone.

“Oh, well, you know–” 

“No, I don’t know,” you interrupted, bitterness leaking from your clipped voice. You always let Sirius off too easily. “But I certainly can’t wait to hear your ready-made list of vague excuses. Please, do continue.” There. He had it coming. He deserved for you to throw him off track.

“Baby, it was nothing,” assured Sirius rather predictably. “Just Pippa asking for help with Transfiguration. Honest.” He placed a hand on his heart in mock sincerity, which only angered you further. 

Nevertheless, you chose not to argue. He was incredibly brilliant with his words. There was no way he would understand your plight. Instead, you absentmindedly flipped through your Potions textbook as Slughorn finally entered his unruly classroom. 

Sirius seemed uncharacteristically bothered by your lack of response. With a half-glance at James and Lily, he entwined his fingers into yours. “They’re in their honeymoon phase, you know. You really can’t compare.” 

“There is no comparison, Sirius. James prioritizes Lily. I can’t remember the last time you prioritized me,” you whispered. There was a finality in your tone that you hoped he would hear. It was the most you were willing to discuss the matter. 

Sirius Black was a lot of things, least of all oblivious. He gently squeezed your hand. Silently, he slipped his fingers out of yours, choosing to follow your lead and not pursue the issue any further. 

A part of you was proud of the fact that you finally found it in you to voice your concerns to him, but another larger part dreaded the irreversible distance it put between the two of you for the rest of the day. You weren’t necessarily avoiding each other. Though his smiles were significantly more tender, he seemed reluctant to talk, let alone touch you.

Sick of the mental torment you were subjecting yourself to, you stuffed your unfinished Charms essay into your bag and headed to your dormitory, choosing to retire for bed early. Mid-yawn, you spotted a single red rose on your unmade bed. You didn’t have to read the attached note to know who it was from but felt your heart thudding against your chest as you unfolded the small piece of parchment. 

I’m sorry. I love you. 

There was no signature, but you could recognize his meticulously-slanted script anywhere. You stared at the note adoringly before pressing your lips to the corner of the crumply parchment and marking it with the remnants of your lip gloss. 

Suddenly, you were no longer tired. Skipping down the stairs, you found yourself wishing for a certain map that would tell you the exact location of the only person you wanted to see.

Fate seemed to be on your side when you saw him in the common room, his head bowed as if he was praying. “You’re here!” 

He gazed up at you, his shoulders relaxing when he noticed the smile on your face. “I’m really–” 

You didn’t let him finish. You kissed him hard, throwing your arms around his neck. You felt him smile against your lips. Reluctantly, you pulled away from him. “Don’t worry about it. I was being silly.” 

Sirius’s grin widened. “You’re quite low maintenance, y’know. I thought it would take at least a week and a hundred roses. And if not roses, then daisies, sunflowers, peonies… I was ready to pull all the stops. For future reference, a good snog is all it takes to win me over.” 

You laughed heartily, though you struggled to keep up with his train of thought. You always appreciated his good-natured ability to poke fun at the gravest circumstances. “I just missed you.” 

“Me too, darling. I’ll do better this time, I promise.” 

☆

True to his word, Sirius showered you with a level of affection that could rival James’s for Lily. He spent every spare moment with you in his bed, sneaking into the kitchen for secret dinners, and pushing you against bookshelves in the back of the library, homework-be-damned.

On Tuesday night, you sat on the Astronomy Tower. You glanced at your watch, realizing that Sirius was nearly an hour late. Your eyelids were drooping shut. It had been a long day. Everything in your brain felt scattered. You could’ve been catching up on the mounds of schoolwork you were now falling behind on. Sirius… Did he say midnight? Did you hear him correctly? Maybe he meant for you to pencil it in. Maybe he was hurt. Was it Remus? You stared at the sky, peering at the crescent shape of the moon. It taunted you. Stop kidding yourself. He’s not coming. 

Just as you were about to call it a night, Sirius stumbled into the Tower and onto the floor. Startled, you helped him up. “There you are! Are you alright? I was so worried… Are you drunk?” 

His grey eyes shone in the soft moonlight. The cloudy expression on his face paired with the sloppy grin he sent your way spoke for him. “Lost track of time… we snuck into Hogsmeade,” he slurred. “Rosmerta slipped us some firewhiskey. Here, I brought us a bottle...” He reached into his robes, only to come out empty-handed. “Uh-oh… finished it. Sorry, baby.”

You processed his words very slowly, realization dawning on you with the weight of heavy bricks. “Un-fucking-believable.” 

“Hey! We’re all of age.” He threw up his hands in surrender and widened his eyes innocently. “Next time, darling. I promise.” 

“It’s not about the fucking drink, Sirius! You’re here so you obviously haven’t forgotten that we had plans tonight! I don’t care if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade, but you should’ve told me. I’ve been waiting here like an idiot for an hour. I’m exhausted!”

“Told you,” he grumbled, now irritated, “we lost track of time.” 

You stared at him, unable to comprehend his complete shift in attitude. “Whatever,” you said finally. “I’m going to bed.” 

Spinning on your heels, you swallowed the lump in your throat as you prepared to march away from him with your chin up. Before you could take too many steps, however, a firm hand grasped your wrist. The intensity of the force pulling you back to him felt so otherworldly that you could hardly believe it was a wasted Sirius. 

You had a fleeting thought of pushing him away but instead tilted your head so he could pepper kisses onto the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry,” he whispered over and over again, between his fluttering pecks along your jawline. 

His lips found yours. His hand released your limp wrist as his fingers gently trailed up your arm. “So beautiful,” he murmured, gazing directly into your eyes. You practically melted as your body fell into his. Like always, his arms were ready to catch you, drunk or otherwise. 

☆

“No Sirius yet?” asked your mother, sipping her drink cheerily.

You refused to look her in the eye in fear of giving something away. “No, not yet. Should be here soon, though.” 

“Better be,” said your father, slipping away from a party guest. “He’ll miss cake.”

It was your parents’ twentieth-anniversary party, an occasion made doubly special as their one and only daughter was now officially a Hogwarts graduate. You had planned the party and made Sirius promise that he would not only attend, but also arrive early to help greet your guests as your boyfriend. 

You knew that your parents did not initially approve of Sirius, but as your relationship strengthened, so did Sirius’s standing in your family. Now, post-Hogwarts, you were desperate to not only show your parents that the two of you were committed to one another but also feel yourself that your love would endure the many challenges of adulthood. 

As the last of your family friends trickled out of your childhood home, you failed to hide your disappointment at his loud absence. Like many months earlier, your mind see-sawed between possibilities, some pathetic, others worrying. You were in the middle of a war, after all. You always believed Sirius’s recklessness would be his downfall. 

Fortunately or unfortunately, your worries subsided when you saw him slip into the parlor with a present in hand and a sheepish smile directed at you and your parents. “Happy anniversary! Sorry I’m late, you won’t believe– hey, where’s the party?” 

“It’s over,” you announced bitterly. 

Your mum and dad sensed the tension and tactfully exited the room. “We saved you some cake, dear,” your mother said to Sirius, after politely thanking him for his present. 

“So,” you started as you heard your parents’ footsteps fade away, “where were you? Actually, don’t answer that. Let me talk first. This was important to me, Sirius. You knew that! What will I say to Mum and Dad? Don’t I matter to you at all? Is it always going to be like this?” 

“Slow down,” whispered Sirius. “I’ll explain everything – just listen! I was with James, okay? We were only mucking around on the bike. I was on the way, I swear! But then these Muggle Aurors – police, they’re called – they started chasing us! We were getting away but these three blokes – Death Eaters – caught up to us. Long story short, we got into quite a scuffle and…” He looked at you in an attempt to gauge your reaction. 

Your mouth hung open as you absorbed his story. Regardless of your anger, he presented a legitimate case for himself that you could not quash. “Death Eaters? Thank Merlin you’re alright. How on earth did you get away?” 

“I’ll tell you everything. Your mum mentioned something about cake?”

You stood on your toes, wrapping your arms around his waist and laying your head on his chest. “In the kitchen,” you answered softly. “I wish you would be more careful.” 

He kissed your temple. “Don’t worry,” said Sirius dismissively, “I handled it, didn’t I?” 

☆

“So, what do you think?” 

You and Sirius were standing in the middle of his new studio flat. Primely-located and newly-furnished, it was the picture-perfect bachelor pad. Sirius now had a place to call his own, thanks to a bountiful inheritance from his Uncle Alphard. The walls were bare and the lighting dim, adding an overall sensuality to the atmosphere. 

“It’s nice,” you remarked sincerely, smoothing his plain black bed sheets. You peeked into his wardrobe, smirking to yourself as you noticed it was half-empty. “Lost the rest of your clothes, babe?” 

“No,” answered Sirius quietly. “It’s for you.”

“What is?” 

“The closet space. It’s for your clothes.” His voice was barely above a whisper. 

“For when I come to visit,” you amended automatically. 

You turned to see Sirius scratching the back of his head. “No, for when you live here. With me.” 

“W-What?” Your mind was reeling. You leaned against his side table to steady yourself. “Me? Move in with you?” 

“Well… yeah,” said Sirius as he slowly regained his signature confidence. “We’ve been together for ages, seems about right. Besides, James and Lily are getting a place together.” 

You did not understand why you weren’t over the moon. It was what you always wanted from him – a tell-tale symbol of his otherwise-flaky commitment to you, a sign of your sparkling love. It was the beginning of the next chapter of your lives, and you were meant to start it together. On paper, it was perfect. There was no explanation for the sinking feeling in your stomach. 

Suddenly, the words that would never come were on the tip of your tongue. The answer was clear as day. “No.” 

“What?” 

It was an extremely difficult task to catch Sirius Black off-guard, a feat you used to motivate your argument. “No, Sirius. I won’t move in with you.” 

Shock was written all over his face. “What the hell? Why?” 

“Because… you didn’t even ask me!” 

Sirius stared at you blankly for a long moment before bursting into laughter. “Alright… (Y/N), will you please do me the honor of sharing an address with me? Is that it, then? Shall I get down on one knee?” 

“No, Sirius. That’s not the point,” you said firmly. “The point is that you didn’t ask me. You just assumed that I would say yes – don’t interrupt. I know we’ve been together for years, but can’t you see? You make me so incredibly happy and yet, so unbelievably unhappy at the same time. You’re so good to me, and then so horrible, and then amazing again… I can hardly keep up anymore. I’m a fucking doormat and I’m sick of it! It’s humiliating. I’m tired of feeling humiliated in front of people I care about. It’s starting to become too high a price of being in love with you.” 

You ended shakily, afraid to look at him. When you dared, you saw him wearing an unfamiliar expression. The silence washed over you both for an eternity. You had the horrible thought that perhaps this was it. Perhaps, you crossed a line. Maybe he hadn’t noticed how broken you both were, how broken you were, and now… well, he couldn’t unsee it now. You were over. Without a word, you headed for the door with your head down.

“Wait,” shouted Sirius hoarsely. “Don’t go. I-I’m not sure what to say to make you stay.”

“Try being honest,” you whispered weakly. 

He swallowed nervously. “Okay, here goes. I know that I haven’t put enough effort into this relationship… I know that. I realize that I take you for granted and that you deserve better. I don’t blame you for thinking that. I would never have blamed you for thinking that. But here’s the truth – I am so far gone when it comes to you, you have no idea. I am so in love with you. I think about you morning, noon, and night. And the thing is, here we are, fighting for Muggles and Muggleborns and the good of the world… but above all, I am so utterly afraid of losing you. I think that’s why, actually. That’s why I keep you at arm’s length. I don’t think I mean to, but it just happens. Because I’ve never met anyone who loves me as much as you do, not even my mother. Especially not my mother. I’m torn between keeping you close and pushing you away because the truth is, you’ll always deserve better than me. And I’ve always been afraid of you realizing that.”

His truth was careful but sincere. Your hand slipped off the doorknob. Still, it was not the first time Sirius had rendered you speechless. “How do I know you mean it? That it’s more than just words to you?”

“Let me prove it to you,” he said meaningfully, grey eyes glistening. 

You took slow steps toward him, and he embraced you with the hope of filling all the gaps he may have left open. “Okay,” you said, your voice muffled into his shirt. “Just… leave the closet half-empty for a little while.” 

[padfootastic]

Do you think with the way everyone compares Harry to James that he felt he had to build an identity around that? Because I love James Potter but I love him because he has flaws, flaws that are different than his son. And I love Harry, I just wanna know do you think Harry ever told himself that he didn't have to be James to be happy and find himself. (Sorry hope this makes sense)

this is an interesting question 👀

so generally. i love all kinds of parallels, generational continuity things, comparisons etc etc but i think, in an ideal scenario, this has to happen for harry to become the best version of himself? (and as much as i hate swm i think that might’ve been the catalyst for this kind of introspection)

i can see this happening a few different ways tbh.

- harry runs himself into the ground trying to live up to his parents legacy and make them proud (nvm that he doesn’t know what it really looks like so he’s doing the Absolute Most) because he’s been compared to them so many times, he can’t conceive of himself in any other terms. in this case, he would need some outside intervention to put a stop to it. maybe sirius sits him down and tells him his parents wouldn’t want this for him? (actually—i think they’d have a conversation like this regardless)

this is a scene from a fic i wrote a while ago. something like this but longer maybe?

- second, harry comes to that conclusion on his own through a mix of teenage rebellion and angst and misplaced anger. he tries to be as different from his parents, from james, as possible bc he doesn’t want anything to do with them. what have they ever given him but heartache and loneliness and the dursley’s and magic (which has always put him in terrible situations)

- third, a kind of a middle ground. possibly the healthiest option. one that can only be achieved with like, therapy and stuff i think. where his trauma and parental issues are dealt with and he’s guided to the conclusion that he doesn’t have to be james, he’s worth something as harry james potter, and he’ll be loved for that and that only.

[senadimell]

If you've got time to share, I'd love to hear more about your thoughts around Snape and Lupin.

@deathdaydungeon, here you are!

After a conversation with @frederick-the-great, I’ve been thinking about Lupin, Snape, and what they say about morality in HP. I’m not talking about the troublesome white hats, black hats morality, but am instead looking at from this angle: Lupin is nice and well-liked, but often lacks a backbone, whereas Snape is mean and disliked, but incredibly brave. Which is more important? I find Harry’s last sacrifice to be a useful point by which we measure their impact.

Lupin and Snape useful to compare on several important fronts.

As foils for each others’ teaching methods

The way they deal with social disadvantage

Their connections to Harry’s father and how they pass on James’ legacy

1) They both teach at Hogwarts, and are foils for each other in many ways. Snape is mean and takes away points. He’s seen as selfish. His classes are hard and unpleasant for Harry. He’s mean to Neville, and rather than encouraging him, mocks him and belittles him, which just adds to the overall disaster of Neville’s poor self-esteem mixing badly with potions class.

However, even Umbridge admits that Snape’s teaching methods work, and she’s working for Fudge who doesn’t like Death Eaters and has been defied by Snape in GoF, so we know he’s effective for a lot of people, if not Neville.

Yet, for all that, Snape saves Harry’s life multiple times. On top of that, Snape wants to keep the fact that he saved Harry’s life a secret.

“Very well. Very Well. But never--Never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it, I cannot bear...especially Potter’s son...I want your word!

My word, Severus, that I will never reveal the best of you? Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape’s ferocious, anguished face. “If you insist...”

DH 679, The Prince’s Tale

Conversely, Lupin is nice and rewards points. He’s seen as generous. His classes are fun and interesting for Harry. He’s kind to Neville, and expresses confidence in him that leads him to succeed and do well. That confidence is a huge part of Neville’s character development. I doubt he’d grow into the resistance leader in DH if not for the many times teachers expressed confidence in him, like Dumbledore in PS, Lupin in PoA, Fake!Moody in GoF, and Harry in OotP. Harry certainly approves of his methods:

“You’re the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we’ve ever had!” said Harry. “Don’t go!”

PoA 424, Owl Post Again

However, it’s worth noticing that Hermione does worse on his exam than we ever see. She fails the Boggart test, and she and Harry were the only two people not permitted to experience the Boggart in class. Lupin’s teaching methods aren’t foolproof. Despite that, he’s overall seen as a nice guy and good teacher.

Yet Lupin endangers Harry’s life. The secrets he keeps are dangerous: his secret to keep is that he’s a werewolf and  actively endangered three students lives with his negligence, as well as the fact that he hid a secret about a believed and convicted mass murderer to save face with Dumbledore.

“That was still really dangerous! Running around in the dark with a werewolf! What if you’d given the others the slip, and bitten somebody?”

“A thought that still haunts me,” Lupin said heavily. “And there were near misses, many of them. We laughed about them afterwards. We were young, thoughtless--carried away with out own cleverness.

“I sometimes felt guilty about betraying Dumbledore’s trust, of course....he had admitted me to Hogwarts when no other headmasters would have done so, and he had no idea I was breaking the rules he had set down for my own and others’ safety. He never knew I had led three fellow students into becoming Animagi illegally. But I always managed to forget my guilty feelings every time we sat down to plan our next month’s adventure. And I haven’t changed...

Lupin’s face had hardened, and there was self-disgust in his voice. “All this year I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn’t do it. Why? Because I was too cowardly. It would have meant admitting that I’d betrayed his tryst while I was at school, admitting that I’d led others along with me...and Dumbledore’s trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am. And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using Dark Arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it...so in a way, Snape’s been right about me all along.”

PoA 355, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs

Plan is emphasized because those trips that ended in “near misses” weren’t some impulsive romp. They were planned and coordinated in advance.

“I just saw Hagrid,” said Harry. “And he said you’d resigned. It’s not true, is it?”

“I’m afraid it is, said Lupin. He stared opening his desk drawers and taking out the contents.

“Why?” said Harry. The Ministry of Magic don’t think you were helping Sirius, do they?”

Lupin crossed to the door and closed it behind Harry.

“No. Professor Dumbledore managed to convince Fudge that I was trying to save your lives.” He sighed. “That was the final straw for Severus. I think* the loss of the Order of Merlin hit him hard. So he--er--accidentally let slip that I am a werewolf this morning at breakfast.”

“You’re not leaving because of that!” said Harry.

Lupin smiled wryly.

“This time tomorrow, the owls will start arriving from parents ....They will not want a werewolf teaching their children, Harry. And after last night, I see their point. I could have bitten any of you...That must never happen again.

“You’re the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we’ve ever had!” said Harry. “Don’t go!”

PoA 424, Owl Post Again

What strikes me about this conversation is how Lupin shifts the blame around. This doesn’t start with an admission of guilt. He’s not leaving because the parents are right. He’s not leaving because he’s seen how dangerous he can be, or because he owns up to making an incredibly dangerous decision. He’s leaving because Snape forced his hand. If Snape didn’t do that, he would do the same thing he’s always been doing: sweeping his misdoing under the rug and promising himself privately that he’s going to change, but never doing it.

It’s always someone else’s fault for Lupin. That’s a neat tie in to the next point of comparison:

2. Lupin and Snape both experience marginalization in wizarding society, but in very different ways. Lupin faces socio-legal** marginalization and Snape faces socio-economic marginalization.

Lupin’s a werewolf. We see how prejudice affects his life, from his inability to find a job and his worn out clothes to his people-pleasing nature. He’s always acting nice and harmless. He does nothing to play into the condemning stereotypes he’s faced since childhood. Despite that, he still can’t find a job. Nobody will hire him, and people are scared to interact with him. From the way he talks about werewolves, it’s implied that this prejudice is held blindly across Wizarding society. Both Ron and Hermione are horrified to learn Lupin’s a werewolf. *** Later on, he’s legally limited in the kinds of jobs he holds and the kind of magic he’s allowed to perform. Lupin has no control over his transformations, and did not choose his condition.

Lupin’s not really wrong when pities himself. The odds really are stacked against him when he’s treated as if he’s a wolf 24/7, not just a few predictable times a month. His prospects are honestly awful.

The problem is, his condition is dangerous. Thus, the issue of victim blaming is particularly thorny for Lupin. He can’t just accept that he’s a monster for something he has no say over, and yet he can’t escape the fact that sometimes he is monstrous for reasons out of his control. He feels guilty for the people he could have hurt, but also seems to resent that people blame him for something that’s not his fault. The problem is that he carries that lack of accountability into spheres where he should be accountable, like not taking his medication and endangering children because of it.

Snape’s story is very different. He is poor in both the wizard and muggle worlds, and half-blooded, and was sorted into Slytherin as a child. He doesn’t have one condition against him, but checks boxes that make it hard for any one side to accept him. He’s too impure and poor to survive on his own for the Slytherin, but is a Slytherin with Death Eater friends and housemates interested in dark magic, which means he’s never going to fit in with the Order of the Phoenix crowd, especially when some of its members torment him at school. ****4

 This essay makes a convincing point that the wizarding world is not a meritocracy, and that people like Snape need powerful patronage to advance if they don’t have the money to support themselves.

I don’t consider the sorting a proper choice. I know Harry does, but I’m of the opinion that at age 11, very few people have been taught how to analyze different perspectives and make an informed decision. Most 11-year-olds are trained to obey their parents and accept their family’s ideology. Harry’s choice rests on very little evidence--most of what he knows is what Hagrid told him, and that he doesn’t want to be sorted into Voldemort’s house along with Draco Malfoy, someone who reminds him of Dudley. I don’t think Snape was very informed either (I’d love to know why), because he doesn’t realize why it Lily wouldn’t be sorted into Slytherin.

“You’d better be in Slytherin,” said Snape, encouraged that she had brightened a little. DH 671, The Prince’s Tale

Either the pureblood rhetoric just wasn’t strong in those days, or his mother didn’t tell him about that.

...“Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?”

James lifted an invisible sword.

“’Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!’ Like my dad.”

Snape made a small, disparaging noise. James turned on him.

“Got a problem with that?”

“No,” said Snape, though his slight sneer said otherwise. “If you’d rather be brawny than brainy--”

DH 671-2, The Prince’s Tale

It seems that most people just follow familial preferences. As to why Snape wants to be in Ravenclaw over Slytherin, my preferred interpretation is that he had a family legacy, knew that Slytherin rewarded the ambitious and clever, and that Slughorn, the head of Slytherin house, had a knack for making the kind of connections that a poor, clever boy would need to succeed.

Nevertheless, once Snape was in Slytherin, the odds were stacked against him. The house in that era was full of people who would later be Death Eaters. “Dark Magic” wasn’t frowned upon among his housemates, and siding with Voldemort wasn’t yet widely acknowledged as a transgression by wider society.

“No, no, but believe me, [Sirius’ parents] thought Voldemort had the right idea, they were all for the purification of the wizarding race, getting rid of Muggle-borns and having pure-bloods in charge. They weren’t alone either, there were quite a few people, before Voldemort showed his true colors, who thought he had the right idea about things.…” OotP 112

Additionally, people like Bellatrix were in the years above him, and given how Fred and George acted with younger students, I think it’s highly likely younger students had to find a place in the hierarchy or be the target of ‘pranks.’ He was a halfblood, after all, and dirt poor.

Snape knew these people. He ate with them, slept with them, and went to class with them. It is so much easier to understand and befriend someone you spend time with. I’d say that most people who subscribe to problematic ideologies aren’t just awful to be around all the time, or else these movements wouldn’t gain any traction. They’re likely funny and nice to be around if you’re not on their bad side.

In addition to strong peer pressure to befriend the people who would be death eaters, he was also bullied four to one. His bullies received protection from the headmaster when he was nearly killed or permanently maimed. They were popular and well liked.

The best analogy I’ve heard to describe Snape's Hogwarts situation is that he’s a kid in a rough neighborhood who joins the local gang. It provides protection and the hope of social mobility, and from his perspective, the other gang fights just as dirty (his treatment by the marauders). He doesn’t stop to think that the system is flawed, or that the gang’s very existence indicates the failure of authority and threatens its members. He just sees himself as a kid with nothing who needs help with protection and advancement. We know that Voldemort hasn’t shown his true colors, and it’s possible he showed different faces to different people.

‘Now, yer mum an’ dad were as good a witch an’ wizard as I ever knew. Head Boy an’ Girl at Hogwarts in their day! Suppose the myst’ry is why You-Know-Who never tried to get ’em on his side before ... probably knew they were too close ter Dumbledore ter want anythin’ ter do with the Dark Side.

‘Maybe he thought he could persuade ’em ... maybe he just wanted ’em outta the way. All anyone knows is, he turned up in the village where you was all living, on Hallowe’en ten years ago. You was just a year old. He came ter yer house an’ – an’ –’ (“The Keeper of the Keys”)

Dumbledore’s cited as the reason they turned him down, not their blood status. I think there’s evidence that the wholesale anti-muggleborn campaign wasn’t a huge part of the first wizarding war, and wasn’t implemented until the second, even if there was anti-muggle propaganda. (Muggle=/=muggleborn). It’s implied that Tobias is abusive and that Snape hates him for what he did to him and his mother; it’s implied that faced class prejudice by the muggles around him as well:

“I know who you are. You’re that Snape boy! They live down Spinner’s End by the river,” she told Lily, and it was evident from her tone that she considered the address  a poor recommendation.

DH 665, The Prince’s Tale

When you read stories about people who are able to escape cycles of gang violence and poverty, there’s almost always someone who lifts them out. There’s someone who pushes them, or extends a hand, or believes in them. There are community outreach programs, or churches, or an English teacher that pushed them to do better and try out for a scholarship. That person is usually someone who knows what it’s like and knows how hard it is to get out.

Snape doesn’t seem to get that support anywhere. Slughorn doesn’t seem to notice him, for whatever reason. Lily doesn’t approve of his friends, but also doesn’t understand at all what the pull is--that it’s hard to swim against the current of what everyone else is saying, despite the fact that she feels the same pressure to end her friendship with Snape.

“… thought we were supposed to be friends?” Snape was saying. “Best friends?” “We are, Sev, but I don’t like some of the people you’re hanging round with! I’m sorry, but I detest Every and Mulciber! Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he’s creepy! D’you know what he tried to do to Marry Macdonald the other day?”

DH 673, The Prince’s Tale

In the very same conversation, the fact that Snape is not allowed to share what happened to him with Lupin and the werewolf incident means that Lily will never be able to understand what Snape is facing: That the leader of the good guys makes excuses for and protects people who recklessly endanger the lives of others.

“And you’re being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Wollow, and James Potter saved you from whatever’s down there--”

Snape’s whole face contorted and he spluttered, “Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends’ too!...”

DH 674, The Prince’s Tale

Later in the year after SWM, she tells Snape this:

“None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you.”

DH 675 The Prince’s Tale

She expects him to reject all of his classmates and stand against the tide, despite the fact that she knows how hard it is to do that and can’t comprehend why he sticks with his classmates. She expects him to be grateful to James Potter as if what he did was altruistic, because the Headmaster swore Snape to secrecy and he keeps his promises, despite the fact that someone else was spreading the story. (The fact that she says she heard it instead of talking about it like its common knowledge implies that she heard it from a friend, so our friends the Marauders likely weren’t keeping their lips zipped even if Snape was.)

I don’t say this to shift the blame away from Snape to Lily in regards to Snape joining the Death Eaters. I just want to point out that Lily wasn't someone who could help him break the cycle. He didn’t squander some chance she offered him. She just wasn’t enough to break him out--not empathetic, motivated, or well-informed enough. (I think the fact that they were peers plays a big role in that).

Ultimately, Snape did choose to join the Death Eaters. He did yield to peer pressure. He did obey his assignment and report the prophecy to Voldemort. He spent his youth yielding, following the path in front of him, and choosing what was probably the easier choice: stick with your group, find powerful friends, do what they want, and don’t ask too many questions about their methods. That’s what makes his decision to betray Voldemort so powerful to me.

Here’s part of the passage when Snape betrays Voldemort:

...The adult Snape was panting, turning on the spot, his wand gripped tightly in his hand, waiting for something or for someone...His fear infected Harry too, even though he knew that he could not be harmed, and he looked over his shoulder wondering what it was that Snape was waiting for--

Then a sliding, jagged jet of white light flew through the air. Harry thought of lightning, but Snape had dropped to his knees and his wand had flown out of his hand.

“Don’t kill me!”

DH 676, The Prince’s Tale

He was terrified. He knew he was caught between the world’s two most powerful wizards, but it was worth it if he could save his childhood friend.

Then when Lily dies:

“Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the share and color of Lily Evans’s eyes, I am sure?”

“DON’T!” bellowed Snape. “Gone...dead...”

“Is this remorse, Severus?”

“I wish..I wish I were dead....”

“And what use would that be to anyone?” said Dumbledore coldly.

DH 678, The Prince’s Tale

Whatever motivation Snape had before is gone. A person’s life who is not his own is worth more than his own, and he’s drowning in guilt. From now on, Snape works to be useful in saving Harry’s life, and later many lives, at risk of death. His choices are a black mark on his record, likely making it difficult for him to get a job when he’s been tried as a Death Eater, and all of his wizarding connections are Death Eaters or their associates. He has no money or influence. Dumbledore hires him.

So Lupin has a single ailment and faces constant social and legal discrimination. He constantly tries to undermine people’s expectations about werewolves by being mild, but unfortunately is too afraid of rejection and its consequences to stand up against bad behavior or take full responsibility for his failings. He has friends who support him, but do it by engaging in risky behavior. He does not stop them. Perhaps he fears exposure and expulsion. Perhaps he just likes belonging for once. Either way, he does not come clean until forced to.

Snape is different; instead of facing outright rejection, he’s from a poor background and grows up surrounded by peers who join something somewhere between a gang and a cult while being bullied by people groomed by a rival organization. The headmaster of his school supports the rival organization and swears him to secrecy about an incident when they endangered his life, sending the message that his life is worthless. That same group continues to publicly bully him. He continues down this path until he realizes that it endangers something he cares about, and makes a decision that puts him at risk of being killed by the two most powerful wizards alive. He changes course.

Snape seems to view his problems as challenges facing him, whereas Lupin sees his problems as part of who he is, and not something he can change. Lupin seems to accept what happens to him in a fatalist kind of way. He sees what happens as inevitable and somewhat out of his control, whereas Snape never seems to blame his circumstances for him becoming a death eater, even though they clearly limited his options. I think that attitude matters. However, because Lupin’s facing a fictional magical malady, it’s difficult to fully blame him for that attitude.

Both Lupin and Snape have to react to powerful societal pressure that makes it difficult for them to succeed. Comparing them is apples and oranges at best, because their circumstances were so different. I don’t think you can judge either’s morality based on group identity, though.

3. Finally, they both act as a window on James: who he was, and what he means to Harry, who never knew him. That means in some way, they help pass on his parental legacy to orphaned Harry.

Hogwarts is Harry’s home, which means that the teachers are more than just teachers, but play a symbolic parental role in his life.

Hogwarts was the first and best home he had known. He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys, had all found home here.

DH 697, The Forest Again

You can’t understand Harry without realizing what he lacks: a loving home and living parents. He’s always looking into the past to find his parents, and is saddled with a legacy he struggles to understand--why did he live, who were his parents, and what does he need to do now?

Lupin and Snape also share a connection with Harry that goes beyond a normal teacher-student relationship, unlike McGonagall or Flitwick. Snape and Lupin are more personally connected to Harry than the other professors because they know Harry’s parents and went to school with them. I will mostly focus on James from here on out since we know so little about Lily personally and Harry mostly tries to emulate or avoid his father’s behavior and legacy.

They’re also the last people who knew James to survive, and they die almost at the same time. They’re the only teachers apart from Dumbledore who give Harry private lessons. More importantly, these lessons are all tied thematically to Harry’s past. Harry’s experience with dementors and the patronus charm are his first re-encounter with his parents and his past.

Terrible though it was to hear his parents’ last moments replayed inside his head, these are the only times Harry had heard their voices since he was a very small child. But he’d never be able to produce a proper patronus if he half wanted to hear his parents again.

PoA 243, The Patronus

In the end of PoA, Harry sees himself and mistakenly thinks it’s his father.

“Come on!” he muttered, staring about. “Where are you? Dad, come on--”

But no one came. Harry raised his head to look atet he circle of dementors across the lake. One of them was lowering its hood. It was time for the rescuer to appear--but no one was coming to help this time--

And then it hit him--he understood. He hadn’t seen his father--he had seen himself--

Harry flung himself out from behind the bush and pulled out his want.

“EXPECTO PATRONUM!” he yelled.

PoA 411, Hermione’s Secret

So the patronus itself is linked up with Harry’s past, and his coming-of-age. He doesn’t rely on others to save him, but must do it himself. (Though Harry’s never really trusted the adults to save him.)  It’s interesting to note that Harry actually learns the Patronus charm under Lupin’s tutelage.

On the other hand, Snape introduces Harry to the unpleasant side of his father’s legacy. Through Snape, we see that James wasn’t just a little cocky, but a bully.

“Apologize to Evans!” James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at him. “I don't want you to make him apologize,” Lily shouted, rounding on James. “You're as bad as he is.” “What?” yelped James. “I'd NEVER call you a--you-know-what!” “Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can--I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.” She turned on her heel and hurried away.

....

He had no desire at all to return to Gryffindor Tower so early, nor to tell Ron and Hermione what he had just seen. What was making Harry feel so horrified and unhappy was not being shouted at or having jars thrown at him; it was that he knew how it felt to be humiliated in the middle of a circle of onlookers, knew exactly how Snape had felt as his father had taunted him, and that judging from what he had just seen, his father had been every bit as arrogant as Snape had always told him. OotP, Snape’s Worst Memory, emphasis added

It’s interesting note that Harry fails to learn Occlumency from Snape. (In fact, we never see Harry use magical skills he learned from Snape apart from Expelliarmus, which is...important). At the same time, he gains an important perspective.

You can’t have James without this part of him. However kind James was to Lupin, however brave James was when he saved his wife, he was neither kind nor brave when he bullied Snape. It’s uncomfortable and awkward, but it’s important.

When he had finished, neither Sirius nor Lupin spoke for a moment. Then Lupin said quietly, “I wouldn’t like you to judge your father on what you saw there, Harry. He was only fifteen —”

“I’m fifteen!” said Harry heatedly.

OotP

Harry rejects the idea that actively bullying someone is just folly of youth. He knows what it’s like to be disenfranchised. Regardless of what Snape and James’ relationship was, he didn’t deserve that kind of humiliation. And Lupin watched, and defends him. Harry has to grapple with that.

Ultimately, Snape and Lupin do more than just connect him to his past. They also teach him his two signature spells, Expelliarmus and Expecto Patronum. One saves his soul, and one saves his life and frees the wizarding world from Voldemort because of Voldemort’s fractured soul.

Snape and Lupin as moral counterpoints

How do we evaluate this:

“I’d never have believed this,” Harry said. “The man who taught me to fight dementors--a coward.”*****5

DH 213, The Bribe

and this?

“Albus Severus, you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.

DH 758, Seventeen years later

Ultimately, I don’t think it’s really that useful to pit two people with different backgrounds against each other. At the same time, they represent two different halves of a question: when it comes down to it, should we try to be kind or brave? I don’t think you have to pick one, but when pursuing the two, there are bound to be moments of conflict.

I always come back to the lyrics to Last Midnight from Sondheim’s Into the Woods.******6

You're so nice You're not good You're not bad You're just nice I'm not good I'm not nice I'm just right I'm the witch You're the world

Snape doesn’t care about being nice. I think this is where most non-Snape fans start pulling out the pitchforks and torches. Snape isn’t nice, and he’s not nice to kids. He’s not nurturing.*******7 He’s abrasive, allergic to coddling, and petty when he can get away with it. In fact, most of the people he’s ‘nice’ to are significantly more powerful than him, or someone he needs to be on good terms with.

Lupin is nice. He’s mild. He’s often kind. However, he often picks being liked over standing up for something.

What does that result in? He doesn’t stand up for Snape. The bullying continues and keeps Snape firmly on his path. He wins the respect of the Gryffindors with the Snape Boggart incident but loses whatever credibility he had to tell Snape to ‘put their past behind him.’

On the other hand, Neville’s bravery in DH was nurtured by Lupin’s confidence. Neville kept hope alive and led a rebellion. Lupin is one of the few adults that Harry fully respects and trusts up until the Grimmauld place confrontation. (He likes Hagrid and Molly, but doesn’t necessarily trust them to make decisions in their best interest, while he usually respects Lupin’s judgement). Harry loves him, and it’s because he loved him and watched him die that he needs to act and fight back against Voldemort.

Ultimately, Harry’s relationship with James and the adults who pass on his legacy is one of the most important symbolic relationships in the book. The thematic resolution of the series is Harry’s act of sacrificial love.

He did not know what to feel, except shock at the way Snape had been killed, and the reason for which it had been done....

...He could not bear to look at any of the other bodies, to see who else had died for him. He could not bear to join the Weasleys, could not look into their eyes, when if he had given himself up in the first place, Fred might never had died...

He turned away and ran up the marble staircase. Lupin, Tongs...He yearned not to feel....He wished he could rip out his heart, his innards, everything that was screaming inside of him.

To escape into someone else’s head would be a blessed relief....Nothing that even Snape had left him could be worse than his own thoughts.

DH 660-662, The Prince’s Tale

He rushes to the headmaster’s office to escape into Snape's memories. His memories convince Harry that sacrificing himself is the expedient thing to do, and he heads to the Forbidden Forest. To enable is last sacrifice, he uses the Resurrection stone to witness his parents and his father’s friends. Their combined testimony is enough to ameliorate his personal fears about following through with this final act.

Lupin and Snape leave entirely different legacies behind. Lupin encourages and inspires. As an authority figure, he gives people like Neville space to grow and his compassion towards Harry gives him the strength to face his demons. Harry’s decision in DH to die must have something to do with the kindness he was shown, and the sacrifices people who loved him made for him, of which Lupin is a part. Despite what he saw in Princes’ Tale, Snape wasn’t one of the people who’d make an appearance with the Resurrection stone.

Yet Snape sacrificed his life for Harry and the wizarding world, entities that Snape didn’t seem to like and that certainly weren’t kind to him. His form of bravery is about endurance, tenacity, and willingness to do what is right even when you hate your allies and no one else is going to credit you for what you do. And that’s very Harry. Even if he hates Draco, he’s not about to let him die if he can help it. Harry has much more in common with Snape than Lupin, I think.

Since this is about souls, let’s return to the Patronus charm. Snape’s not the kind of person who typically inspires that kind of emotion required to cast a Patronus in others, at least from what we see in Harry’s perspective. Yet because he has experienced that love, he can cast it and shows Harry what needs to be done. Snape enables Harry to dive under the ice. Lupin’s the kind of person who can inspire a patronus, but isn’t the one to make the sacrifice play until after Harry confronts him about his duty to his family. Ultimately, though, they both sacrifice themselves in the Battle of Hogwarts.

* Ever since I realized how blatantly tangential Order of Merlin must be to Snape’s character motivation, that line has frustrated me to no end. There’s no way frothing-at-the-mouth PoA Snape just really coveted that Order of Merlin. He’s often petty, yeah, but if Lupin believes it’s just about that and has nothing to do with Snape’s real conviction about how dangerous Lupin’s actions were, he’s deluding himself. I hate that he passes it on to his students.

**Yes, I am making up words today. Lupin’s faces prejudice and discrimination on a social level enforced by increasingly powerful discriminatory laws.

*** It’s worth noting that if we take every book as equally valid canon, then there’s either widespread ignorance towards lycanthropy, as Lockhart convinces everyone he was able to “cure” the Wagga-Wagga werewolf, and as teenage Horcrux!Riddle said Hagrid raised werewolf cubs under his bed, or else lycanthropy is actually a wide range of conditions under a wolfy umbrella ranging from treatable to incurable. Lupin is our primary source for lycanthropy: he’s the one who tells us about Greyback, for example. If we hold the first two books as equally valid, then perhaps we only know about Lupin’s particular type of condition. That’s the Watsonian analysis, anyways.

****4 These footnotes are getting ridiculous. Basically, there’s no consensus on what Dark Magic is, and on what basis it’s Evil. This essay goes into things that are labelled as curses. I’m inclined to believe that the vast majority of Dark Magic is just Magic We Don’t Like for Reasons.

The definition of what is and isn't considered Dark Magic is never explained: often it just seems to mean "a curse I don't approve of".  Even "curse" has never been satisfactorily defined, but we can certainly say that not all curses are regarded as evil, since some appear to be on the Hogwarts curriculum, and are certainly performed without censure.

*****5 While I paired the quotes at the top of this section together for dramatic effect, it’d be a shame not to look at the context of the Lupin fight.

“I thought you’d say [that your mission was top secret],” said Lupin, looking disappointed. But I might still be of some use to you. You know what I am and what I can do. I could come with you to provide protection. There would be no need to tell me exactly what you were up to. Harry hesitated. It was a very tempting offer.

Hermione then asks about Tonks.

“I’m pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren’t sticking with your own kid, actually”... ...“I’d never have believed this,” Harry said. “The man who taught me to fight dementors--a coward.”

...“Parents shouldn’t leave their kids unless--unless they’ve got to.”

...“I know I shouldn’t have called him a coward.”“No, you shouldn’t,” said Ron at once. “But he’s acting like one. “ “All the same...” said Hermione.

“I know,” said Harry. “But if it makes him go back to Tonks, it’ll be worth it, won’t it?”

He could not keep the plea out of his voice. Hermione looked sympathetic, Ron uncertain. Harry looked down at his feet, thinking of his father. Would James have backed Harry in what he had said to Lupin, or would he have bene angry at how his son had treated his old friend?

DH 213, The Bribe

Harry feels personally betrayed that someone who has a family and child would abandon them. Here he is unyielding and accusing to someone he cares about in the hopes that they re-evaluate what matters. It’s a rather Snape-like tactic, actually. Or else a Dumbledore one.

I love the dialogue in this scene, but have some major issues with how Harry’s internalization drops out the window for shock value. JKR does the same thing when has Harry pull the Veritaserum trick in HBP. I don’t like it.

******6 The witch and Snape aren’t perfect analogues, since she’s decidedly more amoral in my opinion, but they’re both contractually-motivated characters whose humanity is shown by their (platonic/familial) love for a more “innocent” character and the guilt at the innocent character’s sacrificial death. Guilt doesn’t lead the witch to do anything productive, and for Snape it does, which is where they diverge on the character path.

*******7 Draco may be an exception to this. However, watching Snape struggle to build rapport with Draco in HBP leads me to think that while Snape’s been on Draco’s side, he’s still not “nurturing,” or in other words, good at cultivating trust and encouraging the strong and wholesome parts of someone’s personality to grow.  

[betratyal]

                       the first clear thought in years:                              I REFUSE TO DIE.

JACOB BATALON? No, that’s actually PETER PETTIGREW from the MARAUDERS ERA. You know, the child of AMBROSIA PETTIGREW and ALISTER MCALISTER? Only 20 years old, this GRYFFINDOR alumni works as a DISH WASHER and is sided with HIMSELF. HE/THEY identifies as AGENDER and is a HALFBLOOD who is known to be CUNNING, HUMOROUS and ALLOCENTRIC but also OBSESSIVE, PASSIVE and COWARDLY. 

LINKS – pinboard, stats, app. CHARACTER PARALLELS – winston bishop ( new girl ), sid jenkins ( skins ), charles boyle ( b99 ), edmund pevensie ( narnia ), eric forman ( that 70s show ), bunny corcoran ( the secret history ) AESTHETIC –  ketchup stains on band shirts, an incomprehensible minute long string of curses, tracing the veins in your wrist, the smell of breakfast and fresh coffee, card tricks at three in the morning, freddie mercury impersonations, lying on the floor of the kitchen staring a the ceiling for three hours, trembling hands holding a joint, a guilty grin. HEADS UP – this intro contains mentions of bullying, death, mental illness (eating disorders (bed & bulimia) and depression and anxiety), self destructive tendencies and weed. ive trigger warned each bullet point where it comes up.

history ( 1960 - 1978 )

peter was born to ambrosia pettigrew, a halfblooded scottish-filipino witch. his father -- a muggle -- was not in the picture and hadn’t been ever since he’d learned of ambrosia’s pregnancy; he would sent her money every now and then, in the first years of peter’s life, but was never in the picture. ( and that was for the best, thought ambrosia; she didn’t love him, and he was a muggle, but still --- she was heartbroken and wished that she could give more to her son ).

peter grew up living with his mother in a small flat in glasgow. his grandparents lived nearby, and he spent a lot of time with them. peter learned how to be alone from a young age, with his mother working a lot and he himself lacking friends and peers to waste the days with --- as a child, he delved into fictional worlds ( superhero comics, roald dahl novels, animated tv shows ) and found friends there.

bullying tw / went to muggle elementary as well, but never felt at home there. he was the odd one out: his clothes didn’t fit well, his nervous habits were annoying to his classmates, his words were too clumsy and his eyes too shifty. he didn’t mind not having friends ( or so he thought, until he did have them ) but he did mind being picked on and teased. end of tw

death tw /  his grandmother died when he was seven and it was devastating; peter’s family was so small and compact, his social world so limited, that it had a huge impact. his relationship with his grandfather did grow much stronger through it. end of tw 

and then peter finally went to hogwarts! and peter made friends for the FIRST TIME. and he found a second home! ah, my god --- peter was so happy, he was really so hyped and in awe of his life and his friends. it all felt a bit surreal; especially because he looked up to james and sirius and remus so much --- james, mainly, but all of them were so amazing, and he was so amazed that they liked him, too.

peter always loved heroes. he loves comic books and people who save the day and get the girl and do it all. i think he kind of … projected that onto james and sirius especially? did not know how to do this friendship thing as an 11 year old tbh, was a mess, was blinded by their amazingness damn, and thus kind of hero worshipped them, didn’t see their flaws and faults.

re: peter being a gryffindor; peter admires heroism and bravery and chivalry, and it’s your values that get you sorted some place. and he always did try to be brave, and he WAS in a lot of moments, because he became a damn animagus for his bud! i mean! he was not a hatstall btw  — i choose to ignore that stupid bit of post canon. it took a while for the hat, sure, but no more than two minutes.  

peter was a pretty bad student, to be honest. not because he was stupid, but because he’s just not build for school. deadlines? exams? homework? no thank you --- those were both sources of stress and horribly tedious things and peter was much too occupied with shenanigans and having fun. peter learned better in different settings: he got very good at certain charms because they allowed him to be lazy ( hello, accio! ) and was able to put his mind to becoming an animagus because there was a necessity and a proper motivation, and became better at potions because of all the hangover potions he brew. 

becoming an animagus for remus was ! important ! to peter ! he did it for remus, not because of peer pressure, or anything else — he did it because it was right, and his friend deserved it and ! he did it, too, because he could. sure, his transfig grades may have been more than poor, but the kid did have some skill. he just needed motivation, which mcgonagall didn’t give (bc. she scared him.) and this situation? motivated the hell out of him.

peter would be lying if he said he wasn’t taken a bit aback when he learned about remus’ lycanthropy — not because he was scared of him, to be honest, but he was just ? shocked ? he was more scared for remus, and so sad? so fucking sad for him? : ( he cried

he also loved spending his time at hogwarts playing games; from muggle card games to chess to gobstones. collected chocolate frogs Very Seriously as well, and still does tbh.

weed & anxiety tw / peter started smoking pot in the summer between his fourth and fifth year, and never really stopped. it made him slack more at school, but also eased his anxiety, which had started to develop in his fourth year. as months passed, peter became more and more of a stoner, which made him both more relaxed and funnier, but also … a whole of a lot lazier. end of weed tw

peter had always been a bit … fidgety, easily on edge, a bit nervous, but he’d never really known anxiety until around fourteen years old. his insecurities grew, as he started comparing himself more to his friends and finding nothing but things he lacked in comparison to them, and questions as to why they put up with him. end of anxiety tw

so his schooldays mostly looked like … doing nothing, playing games, having fun with his mates, getting high, forgetting his homework, stressing about homework, and somewhere, in a tiny corner of his being, worrying about the war. whenever those worries started coming up, though, he was able to push them away, because the war was not yet there, not for him at least. there was graduation to worry about first, and once that was done, then he could worry about the war.

post graduation - now ( 1978 - 1980 )

peter joins the order along with his friends, because it was what was right. peter believes in their cause, hates the death eaters, hates discrimination and racism and terrorism --- of course he fucking does, and so he joins, even though he feels incompetent. i have written a lot about this in his app too, which is linked above! 

he starts working as a dishwasher in muggle glasgow, preferring a bit of a break from the wizarding world every now and then. peter’s not unambitious, per se, but he doesn’t have enough faith in himself to try and pursue a career ( and besides, what’s the point in the midst of a war? ). plus, peter doesnt need any more stress on his plate, and dish washing is laidback and at least kind of fun. 

depression & weed & eating disorder (bed/bulimia) tw | peter feels useless in the order, though. he seems to lack the skills, the guts, the everything that the people around him have. before, their heroics mightve inspired him; now they just make him feel like a shitty person, like a burden. peter starts secluding himself a little, hiding in his mother’s home. he smokes more pot. he sometimes goes almost week without seeing someone besides his mum and his coworkers. he watches too much telly and reads comics and drowns in fictional worlds and he becomes depressed. he sinks into it without noticing and can’t come back from it. his eating habits ( which have always bordered on unhealthy ) turn worse; peter binges, and then restricts, falls into a cycle. it’s the only routine he has.

when he’s around his friends, he lives up a little. he cracks jokes and wants to play games and laughs and feels a bit more alive, but he always craves his time on his own. that’s his new way to feel safe: to stick to his newly found routine, hidden in his room, away from reality. | end of tw

the idea to join the death eaters comes out of fear. peter feels like the order is losing, and feels like death is inevitable. i dont know how true this is, but the fact is that the death eaters are ruthless and that his life is on the line because of his position. i wrote a Lot about this in his app too, so if u want a more comprehensive explanation i’d def read it here, its the second hc!

he joins, because he thinks it will give him a saver position. play both sides, play for the winning side --- he’s always had a bit of an opportunistic streak, which definitely helps sway his decision. in the end he’s just afraid of dying, and that’s why he joins; he’s twenty, his life has hardly started --- he doesn’t want to die, no cause is worth that, none at all. ( he should have just ran )

he joins in may 1978, for timeline reasons, so he’s been a death eater for only a few months. it’s been a lot different than he imagined ----- peter thought he’d blend in the background quietly, that he’d have to do shitty jobs ( which is true ) and that he’d be left alone. he underestimated it, because well --- he was desperate when he joined, and he didn’t think about the consequences, and he didn’t think about how voldemort’s cruelty wasn’t just reserved for his enemies but for his followers, too. there’s no stepping out of line with the death eaters; mistakes are not treated lightly and peter --- afraid, a bit of a bumbling idiot, learns this quite soon.

his function is mostly just to be a spy; relay information and share plans, name members, etcetera. he’s not very active because he’s a spy, but i imagine that he is present at the bigger meetings. AND FML HE’S GOOD AT IT! he’s good at lying and sneaking and being a sly bastard --- he used those skills for pranks, once. now he uses it to betray his fellow prankers : D

peter, at that point, hates himself. he’s always had a bit of self loathing, but it’s gained the upper hand now and he’s drowning in it; it does allow for him to ignore his conscience, though, for him to ignore the reality and just stew in his negativity. he’s got a woe is me mentality, for sure, and he’s so god damn passive about his situation. 

timeclash reaction.

peter’s reaction to the timeclash was ... a lot. i wrote about it in his app, so if u want to read my whole ass rambling, i rec that. but tldr: he’s shocked, at what he becomes. the peter he is now is a traitor, yes, but he’s not yet the person who ends up betraying james and lily and harry, who frames sirius --- and it’s ground shattering to find out that he’s on the road to become such a person. 

self destructiveness, weed, alcohol tw / his self loathing grows more. peter wasn’t doing very well before, but the timeclash makes something snap inside him --- he abandons his needs, punishes himself in small ways, loses sight of himself. he drinks and smokes too much. he’s so scared of himself. he’s in hiding, when he first finds out, scared of his friends and the death eaters and the order members and the people from the future who have met a worse version of him end of tws

part of peter is also like “i havent done any of these things yet, i know i am not the BEST person but i am still . not That Bad! stop being mad for something i havent done yet!”

around this time, he’s realising that he can either keep hiding, that he can completely destroy himself and all the ties he has, or he can take this opportunity to change his course. to not become the person all these people from the future know, to change change change, to make up for the wrongs he has committed and the wrongs he will commit if he keeps on going the way he is --- and that’s where he’s at now.

on another hand, he definitely watched all the star wars movies that came out over the past 50 yrs and hates kylo ren and cried when han died!!! he is in awe of the mcu movies but also thinks they did the comics dirty. i wish someone would introduce him to video games bc he would cry from happiness.

personality & details

OKAY onto the fun stuff, that was way too depressing and peter is usually a comedic icon

peter parker is his favourite superhero just because … they share a first name and because peter parker is a bit of an underdog too and peter is just like! amazing! he named his owl parker.

he hates cats. used to love them — he was allowed to take the cat from home with him to hogwarts when he was eleven, but he brought him back home after an unfortunate incident where his cat nearly ate him while he was in his animagus form. “sorry ma, i don’t love him any more. here. have him.”

peter is actually a solid cook. this is because he learned to make some basic food when he was still a kid, first with his grandma, and later on his own. he liked doing it for his mother and he was. .. good at it? peter is also just passionate about food and finds comfort in cooking. breakfast food and baked goods are Prime Food Categories.

he is asexual af, panromantic. has kissed both guys and gals and nb pals but did not like it??? confused. does not understand sexuality and all that jazz but tries not to think abt it because like! he’s got enough stress! doesnt need to think abt this!

peter is also agender, but i think he’s a lot less aware about this, because it’s confusing and so he just tries not to think about it. he does feel okay with he/him pronouns, but just doesn’t feel connected at all to being a boy/man

peter has abandonment issues because his dad, well, never even bothered to be there. not even for a second. he’s just constantly scared that people will leave and it’s funny, because he will probably end up abandoning all of his loved ones KDJFHSDF.

peter is quite non confrontational but also not … meek? he just avoids it, either by physically staying out of people’s way or by dismissing most of the things said and getting out of there. a Passive Kid. 

he’s such a fucking dork i swear to god. but he’s funny! peter is really funny. i deeply believe in this. he makes great puns and is able to just come out of nowhere and make a comment that just. hits the nail right on its head.

peter curses a lot and has a scottish accent and sometimes he will have a minute long cursing session that no one rly understands.

[mentalcurls]

On the boysquad as Marauders

Ok, but in the last few days I’ve seen  the first posts comparing i Contrabbandieri di Luchino to the Marauders and I get that it’s basically tradition to compare four element group friends to the Marauders, I get that it’s all fun and games and fandom stuff, but still, I’m like W H A T.

First of all, how dare y’all compare Luca Luchino Colosio to Peter Pettigrew??? No way guys, I’m terribly offended on his behalf. I mean, sure, come argue with me that in the group he’s the most awkward, the least successful with girls, the least good looking and those things are alla characteristics he shares with Hogwarts!Peter. He’s the butt of a lot of jokes, he’s the newest entry of the group, the one the guys welcomed later, he’s in a different class, but you cannot come here and tell me he’s got it in himself to turn on his friends ever in his life. He’d never be so jealous of them or feel so excluded that he’d go the bullies, whoever they might be in this instance, and let them sweep him up in their ideas or let them threaten him without going to his friends for help.

If I had to compare Luca to any Harry Potter character, it’d be Neville, 100%. He’s awkward and goofy now, but he’s got great lessons about friendship to teach and he’ll grow into himself and behead Nagini and pull a Matthew Lewis.

On top of this, I just can’t see the whole comparison between the two groups holding up well.

Martino and Giovanni are clearly the same kind of ride or die, blood pact friends at first sight James and Sirius are. But which of them is one and which is the other?

Marti has a difficult family situation, like Sirius, but he’s not as reckless as Sirius; besides, Sirius would have never done to Lily what Martino did to Eva. On the other hand, Martino is not James either, he’d never be the Quidditch champion with all the girls swooning over him, he’s alternative in his own words. I also expect that, this year at least, Marti’s grades wouldn’t be great, while Sirius and James both were top of their class. Above all, Martino doesn’t come across to me as the type to ever be able to try and charm McGonagall and mostly succeed, like we know Sirius and James do.

Giovanni is more athletic and definitely is popular with the ladies, like James. But he’s not the only child his parents dote on, he’s got some problems with his dad and he’d rather sleep at Martino’s than go home late. James brought home his best friend to live with him, probably in the middle of the night, and his parents didn’t bat an eyelash and welcomed Sirius as family. Can you spot the difference? On the other hand, Gio likes to have fun as much as Sirius does, he smoked seven joints in a row that one time Eva reminds him about when they fight in S1 and he’s the one who suggests they go to a party in ep. 5. I can’t see him bullying a Severus type of person, though, I think he’d be more the type to ignore the people he doesn’t like. He’s a “pals before gals” kind of guy, the same way I picture Sirius, but he’s also a great partner like James. Finally, Gio also has really high marks in school, but that means he could be either James or Sirius, who both excelled in academic.

When I think of sad, blue Martino who risks emargination because of his sexuality I’m 100% thinking of Remus, who hides his lycanthropy from his friends, who faces discrimination, who who is amazed by his friends acceptance when he finally tells them. Plus the whole werewolf/AIDS victim/LGBT person link JKR firmly denies, but fits perfectly nonetheless.

And when I think about mom friend Giovanni, who covers for Marti even when he doesn’t know why and isn’t forewarned, who tries to diffuse fights, who always makes sure to include everybody, I think of Remus.

But again, evidence is inconclusive here too. They can’t both be Remus.

And then we have Elia, extroverted, fun-loving, sporty, not very lucky with girls (especially Argentina) despite being a handsome guy. He’s loud, hotheaded, he lashes out and is quick with his fists. Elia who doesn’t really read between the lines, who recognizes the lies Martino tells but gets fed up with him, he doesn’t have the same patience Gio has. Elia who gets the weed for all of his friends, then runs first from the police when they get stopped because he doesn’t do well with authority. He’s also got a difficult family situation, since his parents split up. He often bands with Luca in opposition to the platonic soulmates Martino and Giovanni, but he’s also the one who makes the most jokes to Luchino’s expense.

What does that make him? The troublemaking Sirius friend, who provokes mischief and fights? Or the James friend, generous, only one girl truly in his head, half of the power couple? (Except that we just said he’s definitely not half of the power couple, so should he be the Remus of the group?)

Feel free to come talk to me about this, I’m happy to discuss all of this EXCEPT for the Luchino-Peter thing because I’ll never accept it.

[ambiidexter]

On Peter’s magical abilities

This isn’t really a headcanon, mostly canon facts with a bit of my conclusions, but it’s essential for my portrayal, so I’ll put this one into the headcanon category. Here comes a long-ass essay on Peter Pettigrew’s magical and intellectual abilities, accompanied by every single objection I’ve ever witnessed during the years of being in Harry Potter fandom.

There is a lot of misconceptions about Peter Pettigrew that very few people are willing to dispel, because he’s just such a hated character, right?

The two Big Ones TM are: Peter’s reasons for betrayal (that will be covered in my next “essay”) and Peter’s magical skills. He is widely considered to be one of the weakest wizards in the whole Harry Potter series, if not THE weakest one. I hereby proclaim it bullshit. More under the cut.

1)  First thing’s first, Peter was one of the three youngest Animagi ever. At the age of 15 he pulled off a feat that not many adult wizards were able to do. Along with the registered Animagi and Rita Skeeter, there were 11 known Animagi in the 20th century total.

“But he needed help from James and Sirius, and was the last one to become an Animagus.”

McGonagall needed tutoring from Dumbledore to become an Animagus. Not from 15-year-old students, she got help from the most powerful wizard alive. Anyone here has enough balls to call McGonagall a weak witch? Yeah, didn’t think so.

Next, Peter being the last one. Before you embark on a serious enterprise, you study the materials and plan the steps. It was common knowledge that the process of becoming an Animagus was extremely dangerous. It could result in agony, it could result in irreversible mutilation or even death. If there is one thing that everyone remembers about Peter, it’s how easily scared he was.  Knowing all this, he ought to have lagged and postponed it as much as possible, until enough peer pressure had built up to finally make him go for it. Furthermore, the standard time for performing the tasks necessary for the first transformation is one month. No matter how talented or skilled you are, it’s one month of carrying a mandrake leaf in your mouth and repeating the incantation at every dawn and dusk. As soon as that term comes to an end, you have to wait for the first electric storm. Electric storms aren’t known for being exactly punctual. They depend on a million things. Taking into account that Peter did all that shit not at the same time with James and Sirius, he could’ve waited for his electric storm for ages, after James and Sirius had already completed the ritual.

“But in the flashback he couldn’t list the traits of a werewolf despite having spent a lot of time next to one, and he tried to crib his friends’ test answers. How talentless does one have to be for that?”

To be quite frank, I really hate when Peter gets compared to Neville, but remember Neville? It was very clear that Neville had anxiety. He’d forget things, lose his rememberall, make a fool of himself in front of the teachers and was overall clumsy. Then, in a critical situation, he showed himself as a talented wizard, and the fandom welcomed that change. Neville overcame his anxiety once he grew up and learned to deal with his inner demons, and voila, turned out he actually had talent in him, it just hadn’t surfaced before! Yes, the reason for Neville’s anxiety gets named and the reason for Peter’s doesn’t (which is food for thought in another headcanon), but does it really matter if they clearly had the same problem, and that’s what serves as the main reason for comparison of these characters? Anxious people tend to do much better once they are out of school, and here we move on to the next topic.

2) Peter was a member of the Order of the Phoenix.

“But the Marauders always had him in tow, so of course they made him join.”

The Order of the Phoenix was a near-military organization, its members fought in a war. It wasn’t a “participation award” kind of club. They couldn’t afford accepting inept wizards to make them feel better. They needed members who knew how to put up a fight, skilled, powerful members. Dumbledore was the head of the organization for fuck’s sake, and he was a better judge of people’s abilities than, say, Sirius.

3) When confronted by Black in the street, Peter neutralized Sirius faster than Sirius could neutralize him, framed Sirius for treason and mass murder, faked his own death and escaped. He came up with all of this in mere seconds, under immense pressure. This plan was so good it had worked for 13 years.

With his wand behind his back, Peter wrecked a square and turned 12 people into mince with a single spell, Confringo. Now, this is a dueling spell, normally used in dueling competitions. Not real life fights where wizards might aim to kill each other. There are several mentions of using Confringo in life-or-death battles, and the most known are: Harry destroying the flying motorcycle's side-car during the Battle of the Seven Potters and Hermione Granger trying to kill Nagini. A side-car is not a big deal, and Nagini lived on to the final chapters of the book. Evidence suggests that Confringo doesn’t normally have effects as devastating as when it was used by Peter. One spell, 12 victims and huge collateral damage.

“But he just said the incantation and pointed a wand, that’s easy.”

If that’s easy, why does most of the plot of Harry Potter books revolve around young wizards sweating away for seven years to learn to control and apply their powers when casting spells? Why aren’t they simply given lists of spells to memorize and graduate in a year? Why do inexperienced wizards end up accidentally killing themselves with the destructive magic they fail to control? See Crabbe burning himself to death with Fiendfyre. Why are other wizards in the story considered to be powerful for just shouting spells and pointing wands?

“But McGonagall said Peter was hopeless at dueling, and wasn’t in the rest of Marauders’ league talent-wise. And Sirius called Peter a talentless pathetic thing.”

First, see (1). Second, a character’s bias does not equal narrative truth. Rowling’s books are essentially detective stories that follow the laws of the genre. McGonagall’s and Rosmerta’s words (that fat little boy who worshipped James and Sirius) were supposed to lead us away from any assumptions about Peter other than him being a harmless, logical victim of Black’s crime. So that in the end we get shocked. The Ministry sent DEMENTORS and Hit Wizard Squads (equivalent of muggle S.W.A.T.)  after Sirius. All of this because they thought that Sirius had done what Pettigrew had actually done. We get this picture of Sirius as a terrifying dark wizard, but as soon as the culprit turns out to be Peter, he’s suddenly weak? But the killer seemed so nice and people told stories about him saving puppies! But Peter seemed so weak and people told stories about him being academically unsuccessful!

The Prisoner of Azkaban, chapter 10:

Fudge: “Nobody but trained Hit Wizards from the Magical Law Enforcement Squad would have stood a chance against Black once he was cornered. I was Junior Minister in the Department of Magical Catastrophes at the time, and I was one of the first on the scene after Black murdered all those people. I — I will never forget it. I still dream about it sometimes. A crater in the middle of the street, so deep it had cracked the sewer below. Bodies everywhere. Muggles screaming.”

Now replace “Black” with “Pettigrew”.

3)  Peter is able to cast Avada Kedavra (with a wand that wasn’t his own, which makes it harder to perform magic AND he didn’t even win the wand’s allegiance).

What does it prove, other than Peter being a filthy murderer once again?

The Goblet of Fire , chapter 14:

Crouch Jr as Alastor Moody:“Avada Kedavra’s a curse that needs a powerful bit of magic behind it — you could all get your wands out now and point them at me and say the words, and I doubt I’d get so much as a nosebleed.”

Crouch was insane, his words aren’t reliable.

Despite being a crazy Death Eater, Crouch Jr shares the title of the most effective DADA professor in Harry Potter history, along with Remus Lupin. I also doubt his mental issues prevented him from adequately estimating the features of Avada Kedavra.

4) Peter overpowered a Ministry employee Bertha Jorkins, helped Crouch overpower Moody who was known as the greatest auror of his time, and brewed the very first Polyjuice potion for Crouch.

“Voldemort calls Peter stupid and inept all the time and praises Crouch. Crouch must’ve overpowered Moody alone, and Peter was just a bonus.”

Voldemort is notoriously sadistic. He enjoys causing pain in all forms, mental and physical. He relishes people’s pain. He is also one of the best Legilimens users out there. Having such a rich history with Peter, Voldemort knows his every weak spot, every single one. Not only does he use Cruciatus on Peter liberally, he prods the old wounds, namely inferiority complex. And still, even Voldemort can’t refrain from admitting that Peter tends to have “moments of brilliance”. Peter was the one who found Voldemort when everyone else (the allegedly way more powerful and intelligent Death Eaters) had failed. Peter was the one who conjured a rudimentary body for Voldemort, and brought him back fully with the use of ancient magic even Voldemort doubted would work.

“Big deal, throwing a bone, a drop of blood, and a hand into a potion.”

Big deal, being good at potions? Ask the people who had Snape for teacher. Once again, Voldemort himself deemed the task to be complicated.  Anyone here wants to question Voldemort’s competence in magic? Magic is about inherent ability first and foremost, not the set of steps to complete. Otherwise there would be no such things as muggles and squibs.

“Peter just followed Voldemort’s instructions for that potion.”

And all wizards in the story followed instructions of their teachers at some point. Are they all weak? Peter (or anybody, really) clearly had no reason to be interested in THAT potion until he found Voldemort in his incorporeal state, so why would he learn how to make it beforehand? Harry had Snape’s textbook to help him excel at potions in his sixth year, but does that nullify his power overall? Also, everyone forgets that Peter DID graduate Hogwarts. That requires passing N.E.W.T. levels.

5) Other things: Peter took part in creating the incredibly intricate Marauder’s map. He can cast non-verbal spells (N.E.W.T.-level advanced Transfiguration spell Incarcerous on Harry, stunning Ron and Crookshanks (with another wizard’s wand), levitation of Harry), which are also considered advanced magic that requires outstanding abilities.

Peter Pettigrew is a lot of things, but a weak wizard he isn’t.

[hufflly-puffs]

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Chapter 11: The Firebolt

I think one of the things that makes Sirius so different from other villains (and at this point of the story he is still seen as a villain) is his personal connection to Harry. Harry seemingly didn’t care about Sirius, and that he was after Harry, as long as he thought of him as just another Death Eater. But the moment Harry found out about Sirius relationship to his parents, about his betrayal, he starts to hate him. And I don’t recall he ever expressed hate towards Voldemort or any of his followers. He fears Voldemort, yes, but he doesn’t hate him. Voldemort’s murder of his parents was in no way personal – as we later learn it was based on a prophecy, and there was even a chance Voldemort would have chosen another boy (Neville). And Voldemort has always been monstrous, and described as someone who is no longer human. Sirius on the other hand was a friend of the Potter’s, their best friend, and the one they trusted with their lives. In the same way Voldemort has always been abstract, Sirius very much isn’t. He is real, and he had been a part of Harry’s family before Harry even was born, and that makes it hurt in a way Voldemort could have never hurt Harry. And the reason POA is perhaps my favourite book of the series, because it is deeply emotional on a level the other books aren’t.

Of course once the truth is revealed Harry’s hate shifts towards Peter, and still it is different then what he felt for Sirius, perhaps because Peter was never as close to James and Lily the way Sirius was. And therefore Harry (and the reader with him) is still more emotional invested in Sirius, and his own personal tragedy, then we are in Peter.

“He watched, as though somebody was playing him a piece of film, Sirius Black blasting Peter Pettigrew (who resembled Neville Longbottom) into a thousand pieces.” – There have been a lot of meta comparing the Marauders to Harry and his friends, in the ways they are alike, and the ways in which the younger generation made different (and mostly better) choices. I think the comparison between Peter and Neville isn’t that far off – both lack certain magical talents, especially compared to their friends, both are outsiders and get belittled. There is however a huge shift in Harry’s relationship to Neville in the fifth year, where Harry learns more about Neville’s past and for the first time actually sees him, and from accepting his presence to becoming his actual friend. And obviously however James and Sirius treated Peter doesn’t justify what Peter did, but I think they never saw him as their equal and probably belittled him the way Harry does the first four and a half years with Neville.

“‘Yeh can’ really remember who yeh are after a while. An’ yeh can’ see the point o’ livin’ at all. I used ter hope I’d jus’ die in me sleep …” – And compared to most other inmates Hagrid only spent a rather short time at Azkaban. Just imagine being in this state for years. And we’ve heard more than once that most inmates just go mad after a while, something we should keep in mind concerning characters like Barty Crouch Jr. or Bellatrix Lestrange.

“‘Think that matters to them? They don’ care. Long as they’ve got a couple o’ hundred humans stuck there with ’em, so they can leech all the happiness out of ’em, they don’ give a damn who’s guilty an’ who’s not.’” – I feel that in a larger context this is a comment about the law system in general (or maybe specifically Britain, though I’m no expert on the subject), and how often it doesn’t matter if one is innocent or not, as long as there are results and someone to blame for. But in the context of the story of course the tragic irony of having prison guards who are complete amoral beings.

“Mrs Weasley had sent him a scarlet jumper with the Gryffindor lion knitted on the front, […].” – I wonder if Ron’s jumpers had complicated patterns knitted on them as well, or if only Harry got those special jumpers? (And is it ever mentioned if Hermione got a jumper?)

“Hermione had just come in, wearing her dressing-gown and carrying Crookshanks, who was looking very grumpy, with a string of tinsel tied around his neck.” – I need fan art of this.

I wonder why so many students left Hogwarts at Christmas that year? With Harry, Ron and Hermione there are only 6 students in total around. And even the year before, when the Chamber of Secrets had already been opened, there were more students left. So what changed? The presence of the Dementors? Sirius Black’s escape? Why is Ron the only Weasley at Hogwarts?

“‘But one does not parade the fact that one is All-Knowing. I frequently act as though I am not possessed of the Inner Eye, so as not to make others nervous.’” – I too often act as though I am dumb, even though I am all knowing, so others don’t feel too intimidated by my awesomeness.

“Though Professor McGonagall was Head of Gryffindor house, Harry had only seen her in the common room once before, and that had been to make a very grave announcement.” – Which I always found odd. Sure the students should have some privacy but basically nothing or rather nobody prevents them from partying every day or basically doing whatever they want in their common rooms, so the fact that the Gryffindor common room isn’t full anarchy is obviously due to the fact how intimidating McGonagall really is.

“‘Because I thought – and Professor McGonagall agrees with me – that that broom was probably sent to Harry by Sirius Black!’” – She is not wrong. And of course it is so typical for Hermione to be the only one to think like an adult and to find the entire situation highly suspicious, and I am super annoyed that Harry and Ron both gave her such a hard time for her basically making sure Harry doesn’t die in his next Quidditch match. She really does act like a mother, trying to do the best for her children, whether they like her for it or not.

[snowbunnytiger]

What made you decide to write SiriusxHarry? I’m interested in how well you’re developing them, but I’m just curious. Wouldn’t Harry feel awkward because that’s her godfather? Doesn’t she feel more awkward since her dad is pushing her to kiss him too? Thanks for your time xx love your writing and I love your tumblr

Hello, Anon! :)

It’s interesting you should ask that– I’ve been lowkey wondering when I’d be asked about the Sirius/Harry ship, since it is a rarepair and quite an unusual one, at that. To answer your main question, I suppose I have to tell you how I got interested in the ship at all (prepare for a long response):

First, I need to explain that I rarely read Harry Potter fics. It is not my go-to fandom for fanfiction, because I am more or less content with the canon material. I’ve only been on a HP fic reading spree two times– about a year after DH had been published and last summer, which was the 10th anniversary of the series being completed. Both times were due to nostalgia. 

Anyway, last summer, I was bored and decided to check out HP fics on fanfiction.net, just to see which pairings were popular in the fandom. And feeling a little mischievous, I decided to have a bit of fun and search up an unconventional pairing, namely–you guessed it–Sirius/Harry. I’d heard about the fandom having some of the most diverse ships (like Dobby/Sorting Hat), so I thought, well, if that can be shipped, then why not this?

To put it frankly, my interest in Sirius/Harry started off as a joke.

But before I searched for the pairing, I began thinking about how the relationship would work at all, and realized that there’s actually a lot of similarities between Harry and Sirius’s personalities and characters, like their impulsiveness, or their tendency to act before they think, their penchant for trouble or mischief, their short (and nasty) tempers, their loyalty to others, the parallels between their suffering in OOTP, and the depth of their love towards those they cherish. And being a huge sucker for relationships with potential emotional depth and connection, I got intrigued and started reading fics for the pairing. And the rest, as they say, is history. 

I found some really well-written fics featuring the pair (some of which I’ve got publicly bookmarked on my AO3) which made me fall into the pit, from which I have yet to climb out. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I found compelling reasons as to why Sirius/Harry could work out. I can be quite flexible when it comes to pairings, as long as I can believe in the emotional compatibility between the two characters, you see. And perhaps the lack of bonding time between Harry and Sirius in the books may have been a factor towards my interest in seeing them together, no matter how unconventional and weird the ship.

In particular, the time-travel stories featuring Sirius/Harry (most notably Time Turned Back by TaraSoleil ) played a significant role in firing up my imagination, and I soon found myself writing my own Sirius/Harry fic (also featuring time-travel to Marauders’ Era). So that’s the long-winded answer to your main question, eh heh. 

(And just in case you’re also wondering why I chose to make Harry female, the primary reason was that I thought I might be able to write the romance better from a female’s pov–since I’m one. The idea of how canon might’ve worked out if Harry were a girl was another point of personal interest.)

As for your other questions:

Well, Harry does feel awkward about Sirius coming onto her, at least at first, if you remember from chapters earlier than Chapter 9 (on which your questions are based). I intended Chapter 7 to be like a discussion of Harry’s emotional turmoil regarding Sirius and his behavior towards her. But I think, as time goes on, that Harry simply gets used to his forwardness, partly because she accepts it as an aspect of his mischievous personality, which she’d barely had occasion to witness or experience in the canon timeline. For Harry, getting to know (younger) Sirius is practically a new experience, because she’s never seen that side to him before– the godfather she had known was a broken man who never got the chance to properly heal. The younger Sirius, in comparison, is much more whole and full of life. Though he is undoubtedly the same person as her godfather, it’s not him either, because at the present time, he’s not that Sirius. He’s not the Sirius from the first Order, either– not yet, anyway. So, I think, while Harry couldn’t help but start off by comparing him to her godfather when she first met him at the Welcoming Feast and for the first few days afterwards, she couldn’t help start seeing them separately either, because the Sirius she knows now is not exactly the one she used to know– at least, that’s what I’ve been trying to demonstrate.

And Harry did feel rather awkward when James made that joke, but she dismissed it from her mind because it was more than a little weird to even think about, and she knew he was just joking. I don’t think she really takes Sirius’s flirting too seriously, either, since she knows he likes teasing her for fun to get a reaction out of her~

Thank you so much for the ask!!! I hope you don’t mind this incredibly long response. And thank you so much for saying that you like my writing and my blog :) 

Could I ask you a question as well? How did you get interested in my story on AO3? I ask because I honestly didn’t expect all the attention my story’s gotten so far– I mean, I write for a rarepair that includes a female Harry, which isn’t the most popular thing in fandom. So I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how well my work’s been received so far. I’m really grateful for your readership and support. Thank you so much for following my story and I hope that it continues to entertain you when it starts getting updated again! :)

[ottogatto]

See, I don’t give a fuck about your reasons to hate Snape, because this doesn’t warrant ignoring Jews when they tell you to stop comparing DEs and nazis and say they are the same. I talked about a single person here, but I have seen dozens of them alike.

Second, I don’t care if you don’t forgive Snape. But the fact you tie it to a requirement to "forgive James" is amazingly sick. You don’t care about Snape’s flaws, as much as you care that people don’t have the same opinions as you, and now you’re using it as blackmail or something? What’s wrong in your head? If canon James doesn’t give any valuable reason to be forgiven you’ll blame it on the author and his poor character construction. Frankly, it’s hard to forgive a character who never lifted a finger to show a modicum of regret, let alone apologize or make up for what he did to Snape and others. Snape, at least, saved the world through redemption.

As for your little arguments above:

You have yet to prove he hates Gryffindors as a whole and not just Harry

If Voldemort sees that Snape’s reasons to remain loyalful to him don’t exist anymore (hatred of Harry, being a general asshole in appearance...), Snape could lose his positiok as a spy, which could condemn the Wizarding World

Similar is not equal, so quit the cheap harmful comparisons. You could at least have apologized on your mate’s behalf.

As you said, Snape joined a group that killed people, much like the Order/Aurors did. Should every Order member be responsible of every death the Aurors inflicted? No. So surely you won’t do the same for Snape, regardless of the side he chose (against which he turned, I remind you).

There’s no proof Snape killed anyone as a Death Eater, in fact there’s proof to argue he didn’t kill at all. That’s a fact, don’t blame it on me.

Snape told half a prophecy, that’s the only crime you can put against him as a DE. But then he repented. He went out of his way to warn Dumbledore all the family was in danger, then laid his life to protect it all. And when it wasn’t enough, he saved as much people as he could. So you hate Snape for a mistake of his youth he repented for 100 over? Nice.

Snape’s treatment of students really is cheap to warrant such obsession to hate him. Yes he’s unpleasant. But he saved their lives. Including Neville’s. He protected him several times as people were choking him. He took notice of Neville’s tendency to mess up and hurt himself. Neville will later rebel against Snape, showing this hasn’t affected him much after all. Neville, who was abused far, far worse by other teachers (so do you hate them, or are you just focusing on Snape?), and who by contrast show that Snape actually was one of the best teachers of Hogwarts. Lupin? He openly used Neville’s grandma’s clothes to make Snape a laughing stock of the school with crossdressing as material for humiliation (= harassement). So he quite literally told Neville his grandma was ridiculous and ugly, enough to humiliate people with her clothes. He insulted Neville’s family, which could have had bad repercussions onto Neville as students could bully him for having such a ridiculous grandmother. Augusta could also have managed to sue Lupin for this, I reckon. All of this, because Snape told Lupin that Neville was a special case prone to accidents (and cheating)? It’ll be the last interaction between Neville and Lupin.

Snape referring to Lily as a mudblood doesn’t mean he thought of her as such. There’s such a thing as repeating harmful things you’ve heard because you are put under extreme stress. Lily sayd Snape called others mudbloods, but we don’t actually have proof—it could have been gossip invented by Lily’s friends to discredit Snape and into which Lily fell. Even for saying mudblood, Snape apologized, twice. Second, might I remind you Snape is technically a mudblood himself, being half-muggle who suffers from prejudice at pureblood James and Sirius’ hands? Not only does this mean that he could have thought himself as the mudblood during SWM and only channeled it to Lily as a way to relieve himself of the self loathing (internalized bigotry), but it makes the mudblood word a slur Snape can reclaim. I seem to think Biracial people have legitimacy over slurs that apply to them? Same for Jews? (Making Snape a Jew if you wish to keep on the nazi comparison) Meaning that yes, he said wrong things, but it will never get to the level of harm his privileged bullies have done to him, nor can ever condemn him.

You have yet to prove Mary McDonald was Muggle Born.

Snape saying it was for a laugh doesn’t mean he think it funny himself, but more likely that that’s the reason Mulciber gave and Snape is merely repeating words. As a comparison, the marauders have sexually assaulted Snape, tried to kill him, relentlessly bullied him (but also others), notably out for the fun of it, making them plain sadists.

Lupin thoroughly deserved to be fired. His double negligence (not taking his Wolfsbane for the preceding week, not staying into the shack) almost ended in three children and their teacher to be mauled, or infected, or killed. He also kept to himself valuable information about a convicted mass murderer for a whole year, despite the various attacks, despite the threat he genuinely believed Sirius represented, despite kids fainting all around because of the Dementors put in place, just because he was a selfish coward. To protect his image, he‘s ok with sacrificing the lives of children. Not only that, but he publicly humiliated Snape on his first day of teaching, as if his grand old days as a bully were back, and then used gaslighting and harmful gossip against Snape to make it as though Snape is wrong for hating people who.... scarred him for life and tried to kill him for a fun time? To the man who’s nice enough to brew him Wolfsbane and thus allow him to teach at Hogwarts? Nice to trauma victims Lupin. So no, not quite so harmless.

If Snape really wanted to hurt Lupin, he could have said he, the werewolf, almost killed the boy who lived. That’s true. That’s a valuablr reason to sue Lupin. But see, apparenlty Snape is not as vengeful and petty you try to make him out to be, since he didn’t tell that interesting info that definitely could put Lupin in actual danger. As it is, Snape is making parents aware that a teacher is an objective danger (and I think it would be required in Muggle laws, but anyway). He allows Lupin to retire, the most safe and sane of all the DADA teachers we’ve seen at the end of a year, and with his dignity. There’s actually reason to believe Snape only found a way to channel the DADA jinx in the most harmless way for Lupin, despite his reasonable hatred for the man. I remind you that the previous two teachers ended up either possessed/tortured/dead or with their memories/mental stability wiped out.

Snape has every reason and right not to forgive Lupin for the sexual assault and relentless bullying. It’s not as though Lupin ever apologized anyway. Rather the contrary, judging by the constant gossip, lies, twists of truth and victim blaming Lupin will keep using against Snape.

With that said, kindly desist from the Snape discourse and let’s re-focus on the evidence I have shown above, because that’s actually what matters most. You call us "hypocrites"—but you don’t deign apologizing on behalf of the person who harmed a Jew, trivialized their own cause for a matter of fictional characters, then not only refused to apologize, but still went on with it—as you seem to half-attempt still as well. It doesn’t take long to look and see many Snape haters have the same discourse, do the same harm, and don’t back down. I have met such people myself, many times.

I call out this wrong behavior, because that’s the right thing to do, signalling people they shouldn’t do this, let alone display this amount lf bad faith, self-importance and hypocrisy—but then you’re out calling us the hypocrites? And not even because of something that harms Jews, but because... we dare not liking and show the poor aspects lf a character you personally like? Come off of it.

There’s only one thing that matters here, and nothing else now. And that’s upon the need to stop, yourself and other people, including and especially your fellow mate antis, from using the nazi comparison just to hate on a fictional character that has nothing to do with it and their fans, given Jews have spoken against it.

That’s the challenge I pose. Now it’s only a matter of seeing whether you comply with fighting for an actual right cause, or would rather devolve back into endless discourse over fictional characters and personal preferences.

That’s the only thing I will really care about.

The rest, on this post, you can forget it.

So, last day there was a snater in the tags being a... well, a hater:

Unfortunately for them—and fortunately for us all Snape fans, a kind person answered their post quite politely:

And I added my grain of salt:

I mean, it was only fair, right? That they apologize for the double offense?

But guess what.

They never replied.

They never apologized.

In fact, they did worse:

They keep on the comparison (while also missing out Snape’s mixed-blood status because they aren’t able of logic).

And so I thank this hater, because at least they made things clear.

Snaters do not give a fuck about Jews.

Snaters do not give a fuck about the impact of nazism and their genocide upon Jews.

They do not give a fuck that they are mangling Jews’ heritage with gross trivialization of the genocide inflicted upon their families and do not even deign re-consider their illegitimate abuse of their cause for their own personal interests upon a fictional, children’s world.

They just care to bully, and if the genocide of Jews can help them prove their point for character hate, they won’t hesitate.

Because I repeat

Snaters do not give a fuck about Jews’ opinions

Or at the very least, a good part of them.

We get a three sided show of antisemitism:

Trivializing and abusing (ie using without right or permission) the story of the genocide upon Jews by the nazis (but also badly interpretating the books this way, as Snape the half-muggle would be "half" Jewish and they would still keep hating the one who by their own logic spied and brought the defeat of "wizard Hitler" but let’s not delve into that today)

Actually offending several Jews with their post just to make a point about why Snape is baaaad, to the point a Jewish person has to speak out against them

Refusing to apologize to that Jew and instead keeping on their view; because god forbid obviously non-Jewish users educate themselves and learn from their mistakes when someone who’s been actually a victim of the real life nazis dares go againt their bashing opinion about a non existent person!

This person was cowardly enough not to tag their answer to the ask nor reply to me directly. I say, congratulations... for showing that snaters who use the incorrect nazi reference are amongst the most antisemitic HP fans on this hellsite.

[accio-maraudersheadcanons]

How do the Marauders prepare for exams? (In comparison in subjects they are good at and in subjects they are bad/not that good at)

James would revise subjects he’s good at from time to time, but he isn’t too worried. As for subjects  he isn’t the best in, he really has to double down on them if he wants to become an auror.

Remus, as messy as he is, has a sort of schedule set up. He revises his good subjects one day, then bad ones, then good, so he has some variety in his studying. Usually he practises his spells and potions in an empty classroom in case of accidents.

Sirius will only study in groups. That way he can learn from others when it comes to his difficulties, and he can compare his answers to others to see where he’s going wrong. He doesn’t really study the subjects he knows he’s good at, but occasionally looks over them.

Peter studies late at night when he won’t be bothered. He gets his books in order, and goes through anything he feels he needs to look over one by one. As for subjects he has trouble with, he isn’t afraid to ask the professor for help and advice on what to do.

[ottogatto]

You’re right, Snape didn’t save the world only twice. He was the reason it was won.

When he asked Voldemort to spare Lily he gave Lily the choice to sacrifice herself for a kid, casting a blood protection. If Snape hadn’t asked Lily wouldn’t have the choice to die and everybody would be dead, as per the Prophecy.

Without Snape, Harry would have died a hundred times over, starting from the broom incident, or when he sent the Order in the Ministry to save Harry.

In fact, if not for Snape, many kids and people would have suffered more or died. Lupin in the Battle of the 7 Potters. Draco. Harry and his friends in the Ministry. Sirius Black whom Snape protected by giving fake veritaserum. Harry was carried around by the adults, like Dumbledore. Snape was a soldier in the war. Dying does not make James a hero, his death didn’t even protect his family, and in canon, he wasn’t said to have saved anybody. Unlike Snape.

Fred and George nearly killed a student and made a joke on setting deadly gas in school. They bullied their brothers, Ginny complained about it. It’s already bad enough, but you know what Harry says in OotP?

Yes, he had once overheard Professor McGonagall saying that his father and Sirius had been troublemakers at school, but she had described them as forerunners of the Weasley twins, and Harry could not imagine Fred and George dangling someone upside down for the fun of it... not unless they really loathed them... Perhaps Malfoy, or somebody who really deserved it...

In the books, Snape is compared to Harry and James to Draco. In the books again, you’ll see there’s a pretty fine comparison between the marauders and the death eaters. Several times. Doesn’t cast them in a good light.

It’s not surprise nobody questioned it when Sirius Black was sent to Azkaban without so much as a trial.

James did sexual assault, physical violence with soap choking, verbal violence, public humiliation. Those are things that send a kid right to suicide, and him and his kind would go to fucking jail. So let’s stop pretending it was all mild because the abuse James and his mates did is far greater than anything Snape has done as an adult.

What you say:

And while we’re comparing. James matured and grew out of his bullying phase. Enough for Lily to fall in love with him.

What the books say:

“And stopped hexing people just for the fun of it,” said Lupin. 

“Even Snape?” said Harry. 

“Well,” said Lupin slowly, “Snape was a special case. I mean, he never lost an opportunity to curse James, so you couldn’t really expect James to take that lying down, could you?” 

“And my mum was okay with that?” 

“She didn’t know too much about it, to tell you the truth,” said Sirius. “I mean, James didn’t take Snape on dates with her and jinx him in front of her, did he?”

I remind you that James was head boy and had no right to bully Snape with this kind of authority. Also “cursing” can also mean “swearing” so it’s not only possible Remus lies, as he’s proven to do many times, but also that he plays on the words.

In the end... James never grew out of it. Or really, he wouldn’t need to hide his bullying from the girl he literally threatened violence to and blackmailed to date him, amongst other cases of sexual harassment--so much Harry thought his dad had forced Lily to marry him.

In any case, I don’t really care. It’s a thing to stop being a bully, another to actually act by repentance. Did he do anything to pay for the bad he’s done? No. So he doesn’t even get a redemption.

Snape joined the DEs yes, it was wrong, but he joined the Order for the rest of his life. This

He didn’t see any problem with eradicating every other muggleborn.

is fanon.

This

He didn’t want to stop fighting for Voldemort nor did he realised killing muggleborns was wrong.

is again fanon. I can say very well he knew it was wrong to kill muggleborns. How do you explain that Snape canonically killed only one person, Dumbledore, by his orders? The Order didn’t even know he was a DE, not even Sirius Black. So no, you can’t make up shit about him having killed muggleborns. Again, this

Notice, he wouldn’t do jack shit if Voldemort chose to go after the Longbottoms. He didn’t have a crush on Alice, so what was he to lose in that scenario, right?

is fanon. And poorly logical. There wasn’t any Snape to try and protect--or avenge--Alice Longbottom. So it’s possible that if they had been targeted first, Neville wouldn’t have received any sacrificial protection and would die. The next on the list would be the Potters, and we know what happens from then on. It’s also possible he would have defected sooner or later. 

We don’t know. And you should realize it.

Snape is not a saint, he wouldn’t be as interesting if he was. But he definitely was a savior. Why? Because of this:

The mere fact he's asked for Lily to be spared allowed Voldemort to give her the choice in sacrificing herself for Harry; hadn't he done that, Lily would've had no other choice than to die, and Harry wouldn't have gotten the sacrificial protection.

Snape has saved Harry from falling out of his broom when no other professor would counter the Dark jinx. Hadn't he done that, as Quirell says, Harry would have died.

has indeed tried to save the Golden Trio in the Shack from who he believed to be a convicted murderer and a werewolf in cahoots with him, all by himself. I don't care whether it was useful or not, because in the end, Snape just showed he was able to protect the Golden Trio and save their lives from those considered dangerous, no matter if it was in a traumatizing place where he sees two of his bullies reunited.

has saved Hermione for a Dark curse that required up to 10 potions to cure it

has protected Sirius and Grimmauld Place in giving fake Veritaserum to Umbridge (an act of resistance)

has saved Katie Bell from the cursed collar given by Draco (she would have died otherwise)

has bought time to Dumbledore in trapping the Horcrux curse in his hand, giving him a whole year to prepare everything and plan Dumbledore's death (which was meant to save Draco, place Snape in Voldemort's favour so he would manage Hogwarts instead of letting Greyback, Lestrange or another madman do it, and was meant to short-circuit the Elder Wand's loyalty, though Snape didn't know he had this particular target painted on his back by Dumbledore)

has protected Draco intensively during HBP, not only in healing the wounds from Harry's Sectumsempra, but in sacrificing his soul in killing Dumbledore in Draco's place

has regulated the Carrows during the 7th year and ensured that students wouldn't be killed by them, trying to give smoother detentions (going to the Forest with Hagrid), even if they did something serious (stealing the Sword)

has protected Lupin during the battle of the 7 Potters, though he botched it a bit by cutting George's ear

the mere fact that Snape has worked for the Order makes him a hero that allowed the Light Side to win. He was a spy who "saw die only those he could not save", and Dumbledore's precious paw that allowed Harry to win the war (Polyjuiced Harry's, Sword to destroy Horcrux, final information about how he had to die for the others to win)

And you can’t deny that.

James’s death on the other end--if it really had been a good sacrifice--Lily would have survived.

He didn’t have any choice than to die.

I hardly find a death by force heroic. I’m not diminishing him. I’m reminding that he’s not a hero for fucking Lily Potter and dying.

We could really go on. But maybe what’s important is to remind OP and the marauder apologists that perhaps the fact people love Snape more than James is not our problem, not theirs, in fact it’s not a problem at all.

Fiction is not politics OP, you should realize we can rightfully love whoever we want.

wait, there are people out there who like snape better than james??????

remember the time snape's classmates used an unforgivable curse on mary macdonald and when lily confronted snape about it he said it was funny and compared it to marauders' pranks? let's also not forget that he made several dark spells during his time at hogwarts. and he joined voldemort because he wanted to. no one forced him to become a death eater, he did it himself. lily was a muggle born and death eaters wanted to kill her and other muggle borns, but snape was fine with that? he knew what voldemort was doing and what he was capable of but he still joined him. he told voldemort about the prophecy and if voldemort wanted to kill neville snape would be fine with that. if voldemort killed just harry snape would be fine with that. but oh voldemort killed lily, the woman snape was obsessing over and suddenly all is forgotten? and that whole time james potter, a wealthy pureblood, was a part of the order of the phoenix and he actively fought voldemort. remember how voldemort killed james when james didn't have his wand? so james was killed, not defeated. and he died not knowing if his wife or his son are alive and well. he sacrificed himself. and again, if james had died and lily had lived do you think snape would even feel a little tiny bit sorry for lily and her son? no. he would be proud.

and don't use that "james was a bully" line to argue this right now. james maybe was rude toward snape during his time at hogwarts, and yes that was not okay. after hogwarts, james grew out of his bully phase, but snape grew into his. he used his position as a teacher to abuse his students to the point where neville's worst fear wasn't the person who tortured his parents, but snape, his professor. he was rude to harry, told him awful stuff about his father who harry had never met. snape was awful to hermione and insulted her many times. and many many other students were abused by him.

the fact that he had a bad childhood doesn't excuse his actions. sirius had a horrible family and was disowned, harry was abused for years, neville was abused by his grandma and his parents were in a mental hospital, luna watched her mother die, many people had bad childhoods but grew up to be good people.

[ottogatto]

I was laughing all the way down. Congrats snapeaddict! You answered beautifully. Might I just add some things as well? 

To @aislinggranger​

You seem like a passionate James-lover and Snape-hater, and unfortunately I have some things which I don’t agree with.

I guess your post was to compare Snape and James on what they did... which is something that’s not to be done in the first place because they’re too different. But okay, let’s dig deeper and see what it reveals.

The first problem is that you focus on Snape’s bad actions entirely while excluding what he did good. On the other hand, the only lines you give to explain James’ wrong actions is: “he was a bully/he bullied people he didn’t like”. Should I notice how you precised “people he didn’t like” as though it was okay to bully someone when you didn’t like them? Anyway.

I can offer you some explanations to shed light on what James did, didn’t do, why, and how to judge him about that.

For instance, you say that James bullied people he didn’t like, trying to play it down with that “Yes.”

This just lacks something: James didn’t merely bully people he didn’t like (as though it was the victim’s fault for the bully not to like them, and as though it was an excuse, bully rhetoric). He bullied people in the corridors just because he could (Lily, OotP), for the fun of it (Remus, OotP). Lily thought he stopped bullying people because he didn’t go to hex people in the corridors as much as before, but it was easy for him to bully Snape in her back.

Which also destroys this idea that Lily wouldn’t have married James if he hadn’t changed: she’s not omniscient, and James made sure she didn’t know he kept bullying, knowing that if she discovered that, she’s stop dating him. She married him because she didn’t know he hadn’t really changed.

The worst punctual action Snape has ever done was to give a Prophecy, which he tried to counter.

By comparison, James sexually assaulted someone, which is something Death Eaters do. Indeed, notice this part of GoF:

One of the marchers below flipped Mrs. Roberts upside down with his wand; her nightdress fell down to reveal voluminous drawers and she struggled to cover herself up as the crowd below her screeched and hooted with glee. “That’s sick,” Ron muttered, watching the smallest Muggle child, who had begun to spin like a top, sixty feet above the ground, his head flopping limply from side to side. “That is really sick...”

This scene will be presented as a tragedy in the news.

In fact, there’s a recurrent problem with people who try to say James was different because of his intentions and beliefs. This doesn’t work when you focus on his actions and what they mean.

For instance, there’s this lingering idea that not calling someone a Mudblood is enough not to call you purist. In real life, however, that’s not how it works. James was a Pureblood who harassed a Half-Blood continuously, using a very toxic discriminative mindset: that all Slytherins were Death Eaters. If I were to compare with today’s racism, it’s as though a white male came, for 7 years, to assault a Metis person coming from a slum, and called him a terrorist for the simple fact he belonged to a certain community. Frankly, actions speak louder than words: assaulting a Half-Blood relentlessly when you’re a Pureblood is enough to call you purist, by the simple fact you’re a privileged person widening the gap between Purebloods and Half-Bloods, using your status and your privilege to achieve it. All the more serious when he did it with another Pureblood coming from some sort of regal family, Sirius Black.

So yes, James never used the word Mudblood, but we can still call him Purist, whatever his inner intentions were, whatever friends he had (having Metis/Black friends doesn’t mean you can’t be racist, wouldn’t you agree?)

You also seem to think that James not turning to the Dark Side makes the difference. While I would agree on this, when you compare it with Snape, the merit you try to give him doesn’t work as much. James didn’t turn to the Dark Side because he was never tempted by it. And why would he? He was already raised in a family who taught him that Gryffindors were the best, that Dumbledore was better, that Slytherins were filth. His interests were better served by not joining Voldemort: he was already popular and wealthy, protected by Dumbledore himself. And when I say protected, I talk about how he knows that sending someone “he doesn’t like” to be mangled by a werewolf, in other words, to be killed, will never have serious repercussions on him, as Dumbledore will silence and blackmail their target while patting his head and let him go without enough punishment.

You can’t compare that with Snape. Apart from being poor, he was abused by his Muggle father and likely unpopular/ostracized by the Muggles he knew (just look at Petunia’s reaction, “you’re that Snape boy on the other side of the river”; Snape wore his mother’s clothes and had a strange first name, which we’re told can be rejected by Muggles in the first book). Later he was Sorted into Slytherin, and it seems Lucius has taken him under his wing. We also know Death Eaters, particularly Voldemort, are specialized in manipulating someone to join them (”Older and greater wizards have been hoodwinked by Lord Voldemort”, Dumbledore will say, or you have this great passage with Ginny, but this answer will already be too long). Snapeaddict explained beautifully how his condition made him prone to fall to the Dark Side. I’ll just add this: Snape has been assaulted by people of the Light Side, future members of the Order, but has been silenced, blackmailed and left unprotected by Albus Dumbledore himself, leader of the Light Side. He has been completely and utterly betrayed by those who will constitute the Order, instead of having been given a chance to be extracted and saved from Voldemort--as refusing to join him is already defiance. Isn’t it impressive then, that although people of the Order kept antagonizing Snape later, he still betrayed the winning side of the war at 21, putting his life in mortal danger, because of someone he cared for--and never switched sides again?

“[James] didn’t know more Dark Spells than a Seventh Year.” 

First, the exact quote is: 

“Snape knew more curses when he arrived at school than half the kids in seventh year, and he was part of a gang of Slytherins who nearly all turned out to be Death Eaters.” 

So apart from already misquoting what Sirius said, you also misunderstood what it meant. The problem is not knowing Dark Spells. What bad is there in knowing Dark Spells? Especially if it gives you the mean to create the counter-spells? What’s wrong in knowing something? Knowledge isn’t bad. There’s a literal Restricted Section with Dark books which are said to be studied by those attending advanced Defence. You have a professor, Moody/Barty, who explained the Unforgivables, without even requiring pupils to cast them. Snape knew more curses than half the kids in seventh year, meaning that those seventh year, and the years before, also know those curses, so it really can’t be a problem in itself.

What Sirius said was meant to be an argument in proving Snape was still a Death Eater, and that his past tendencies “proved” it. Ironic then, when we know the Marauders used illegal spells, became illegal Animagi, constantly broke rules, and that Sirius himself sent Snape meet a Dark Creature--a werewolf, Remus, whose illness he weaponized. Your complaint has no value.

“[James] didn’t [not] care if someone was a blood traitor.” This is so confused I can’t even muster a proper reply. What are you talking about?

Let’s move on to another of your complaint: “[James didn’t] whined over her when she’d already moved on.”

So first I was confused, thinking you were talking about how Snape was sad Lily was dead, but I think you meant about how James never whined when Lily already moved on when Snape did, which is...

Well, that’s a fine mixture of fanon inventions and canon misunderstanding.

Except from the moment Snape tried to apologize to Lily for insulting her--which is normal and required--Snape showed remorse in how he’s given the Prophecy and led her to her death, which is normal.

What’s wrong in being sad you lost your best friend when you’ve been the one in the wrong? What’s even wrong in regretting this friendship?

Seriously you would have blamed Snape for not trying to apologize to Lily, or you would have said he didn’t care about her if he didn’t show remorse, so really I don’t know what you’re asking for.

Then there’s this: “didn’t care if James or Harry were were going to be dead.” I’ve seen this argument often so I can pretty much copy paste what I’ve already told someone else:

There is this thing about "he never cared about Harry" but it's easy to say it's wrong. Snape cared about Harry's survival, and whether he cared Harry in an affectionate way or not, it doesn't negate how heroic he has been. Loving Harry should not be a requirement to see our actions validated. Ironically again, it shows that Snape doesn't need to love those he saves to do the right thing, something that lacks to some characters friendly with Harry. There's also this "he didn't care about James or Harry". And really, I must ask you: would you find it realistic for Snape, who is largely known as James' victim, who is known to loathe him, to suddenly care for James--and most importantly, ask Voldemort himself to spare not only one of the reasons Snape turned to Voldemort, one of the reasons Snape wants to win against the Order, but also an enemy in war (the Order wouldn't care about Snape in return), an enemy that defied Voldemort thrice, an Auror close to Dumbledore, and a menace to Voldemort? Not only is that illogical, but it would have been suicide to ask Voldemort to spare James. Because the only explanation would be that Snape considers James' survival more important than Voldemort's success, that Snape is more loyal to Lily than he is to Voldemort. That, in the end, Snape doesn't merely "desire" Lily, but loves her enough to betray Voldemort--how ironic is it then, that Snape exactly changes sides, no matter if Lily is already dead. In short, asking for James' survival would have been suicide. I don't even need to mention how useless it would have been to ask Voldemort to spare Harry, the Chosen One, destined to threaten and maybe kill Voldemort. So maybe he didn't care about James and Harry, yet three lines after his "I have-- I have asked him--", he clearly says: "Hide them all then. Keep her--them--safe. Please. [In exchange I will give] Anything." Snape clearly could have just refused Dumbledore's bargain. It is quite impressive that at 21, Snape was willing to betray the winning side of the war for a family who was likely condemned, and then stayed loyal to the Light Side, no matter if Lily was dead and Harry was destined to die.

“James, was (towards the ones he liked) kind, helping, caring, loving.” I don’t know about that. First, I don’t... really care, if he’s loving and all towards those he loves. That’s just normal and required. Being kind to those you love doesn’t exclude you from being a douchebag. Being unkind towards those you hate, as James largely was, proves you’re a complete ass. Not loving someone is an excuse used by bullies--well, until they cover it up with blaming the victim for anything. Second, are you sure he was loving and kind towards those he loved? He sexually harassed Lily. That’s in the books. Blackmail, threat, victim-blaming, catcalling, “showing off whenever he was near her because he couldn’t control it” even though she repeatedly told him she didn’t want to date him at all--even Harry wondered if he’d forced her to marry him. Doing it on a Muggle-Born when he was a Pureblood, moreover. That’s not what I call being kind and caring. Do I have to mention how he neglected Peter and, if I recall, made fun of him? Or how he brushed off Remus’ demands to stop bringing him as a werewolf to have “near misses” with the villagers in Hogsmeade?

“[James] didn’t have some creepy obsession with them.” Ah, but he did. Sorry to break you out of your shell of misconceptions, darling. And anyway, since Snape wasn’t “creepily obsessed” with Lily--I mean, you have literally no consistent proof in canon, you just made it up--then maybe it should prompted you to love him a little more?

“That’s why I’ll never love Snape.” Well that’s fine, sweetie, everybody has their preferences...

“Because he’s a whining bastard.” I don’t get the impression Snape whines about what happened to him... And if he did, how it’s “whining” in a bad way. I mean, being bullied, sexually assaulted, almost killed, leading your ex-best friend to her death, realizing Harry has to die anyway, becoming a spy but dying knowing his spy work would render him lonely and hated by everybody, I bet it would make you whine. That’s human. And really, could we blame you? Apparently you’d do.

The rest has been taken care of by Snapeaddict (and thank you for that~).

Hopefully you’ll have a better insight to who were James and Snape, and how much you can blame them!

James was a bully. But he never turned himself to the Dark Side, called everyone but Lily a Mudblood, whined over her when she'd already moved on, didn't care if James or Harry were were going to be dead, didn't know more Dark Spells than a Seventh Year, and didn't care if someone was a blood traitor. James, was (towards the ones he liked) kind, helping, caring, loving. He genuinely cared about the people he loved and didn't have some creepy obsession with them. Yes, he bullied people who he didn't like. But he grew up. He matured. Snape didn't. That's why I'll never love Snape. Because he's a whining bastard.