#but in all of the later seasons jj really is very “better than you” and like

[sad-trash-hobo]

I think its actually really sad that Spencer and JJ's relationship really fell off after Emily's "death". He may forgive her to a point, but he never puts his full trust in her again. There's still an almost familial bond between the two, but after season 6, the amount of times that they're seen joking and being relaxed goes down. That could be because the writers didn't want to do any of that, but just viewing the content available, their relationship becomes almost completely professional. And especially when Alex joins the team, it's someone that Spence can relax with and rely on. She never teases him like JJ and Morgan do, and when she leaves the team it becomes more clear how alone he really is.

The whole prison stint kind of just reinforces how Reid can't rely on anyone in the team to help him, especially when JJ visited and having a pretty lady visit you in prison is bound to turn heads.

The whole thing in the last season of JJ telling Reid that she loves him and he's her first love really bothered me. And I felt like it put Spencer's feelings to the side, it made him be the selfish one for wanting what he didn't know was actually on the table because JJ already had a family. I also felt like that whole plot line was fanservice for all the people who thought JJ and Reid shouldve been together the whole time.

Overall, I do still love their relationship on the surface, but so much of the growth of their relationship was wasted and ignored and became stilted.

- read my tags for rambling -

[ddejavvu]

idk if you’ve been asked this before but what are your thoughts on reid lashing out at jj about the whole emily thing in season 7?

my thoughts are that it's too complicated to say i'm on either one's side </3

JJ fucking pissed me off with the later Jeid storyline but I liked her at the beginning of the show -> onwards until p much right there, so I tried not to let that letdown influence my retrospective on the s7 situation.

JJ was following highly classified, highly important government orders. Her boss told her to keep her mouth shut for safety reasons, and as someone who's seen countless friends and family members suffer because intel got loose, I can understand why she'd adhere so firmly to the guidelines. She was a good agent.

However, Reid requires stability and consistency in his environment, as he is at a high risk for slipping back into his addiction + developing symptoms of his mother's illness (which, if i remember correctly, were teased but never actually confirmed in him. My point is, he's an at-risk individual who was thrown into grief). I can completely understand how finding out that the shoulder you cried on for months and months and months was actually lying to you about the source of your grief would make someone angry. I actually think he deserved to be angry, he had the right to be angry, but then things become muddled when you ask me if i think he had the right to be angry at JJ.

Personally, I think I'd initially feel very betrayed if I were Spencer, even if i worked it out later. But again, JJ was following orders to keep Emily alive, and if she had confessed and compromised the undercover operation, Emily would have been killed.

I think, in the actual scene, JJ had absolutely no right to tell him that if he was a better profiler, he'd have been able to figure things out. I thought it was a really low blow for her, especially knowing that he'd been so devastated over his friend's 'death'. I understand that his anger caught her off guard, and she felt unjustly blamed, and I might have been upset or torn too in her position. But the way that she handled it was highly unprofessional and something a petty teenager would say and then reluctantly apologize for once they discover their actions have consequences.

I think that Reid basically pouting during work hours and letting his personal feelings affect his work (y'know, saving lives) was also highly unprofessional. However, the issue was that the entire situation revolved around his work in the first place, and Emily just like slipped right back in?? so he had zero time to process anything and I don't know if I'd be able to separate my feelings from my job either.

I don't blame Spencer for not feeling like he could trust JJ/his team after that, at least not as deeply as he used to. I don't blame JJ for feeling hurt that Spencer took his anger out on her rather than the general situation/even Hotch who gave JJ the orders, and told Spencer he was responsible for it.

it bothers me when Spencer stans will demonize JJ for it while refusing to acknowledge Spencer's missteps, and it pisses me off when JJ likers use it to call Reid a petty toddler without considering his feelings on the matter. All in all, it was a complicated, messy situation with no completely right or wrong side, in my opinion.

[cowgurrrl]

Please Come Home for Christmas

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Summary: The Christmas season with the Millers [1.4k]

Author’s note: I got a wave of Christmas nostalgia and said fuck it we ball

Warnings: age roll call (Sam: 8, Issac: 6, twins & Lucy : 4, JJ: 1, Sarah: 32, Ellie: 28) mentions of aging animals, pregnancy/babies, Joel not only being a DILF but a GFILF (grandfather I’d like to fuck), reminiscing, NOTE: While Christmas and Christmas themes are prevalent in this fic, readers religious views are not specified and very easily can be added in!!

The house is chaos. Lucia and Tommy are in the kitchen, loudly speaking Spanish to each other over Tejano Christmas music while the kids run around under their feet. Hank warns them about "gettin' in Abuela's way when she's cookin'" and escorts them to the backyard with a quick kiss to his wife's cheek. The tree is sparkling in the corner, cramping the otherwise large living room with the messy handmade ornaments of a well-lived childhood hanging from the branches. You could spot Joel's toothy kindergarten photo from across the room if you tried. Maria opens the back door, wine in one hand and a half-made Christmas garland in the other, to yell at the kids for roughhousing too hard and earning an apologetic wave from Hank. 

You sit on the couch with Maria and work on stringing popcorn and cranberries on a long piece of fishing wire. She sighs when she sits back down, and you struggle to remember what you were talking about when Daisy suddenly steals a piece of popcorn from the bowl and runs away. "Daisy Mae!" You scold, but when her big, droopy eyes meet yours, she knows you're not really mad. The years have flown by, and the sweet puppy who showed up at your door one day now has white on her face and struggles to keep up with the kids when they want to play. She can have as much popcorn as she wants as long as Joel doesn't know about it. 

"God, do babies always smell bad or just mine?" Ellie asks as she walks into the living room with a squirmy JJ. He turned one a few months ago, and now all he wants to do is run around with the big kids. You open your arms, and Ellie hands over said smelly baby without hesitation.

"They smell bad for a little bit, but then it gets better." You say in an obnoxious baby voice as you smile big at the baby. 

"I told you!" Dina announces as she taps Ellie's hip to get by her to throw away a dirty diaper. You can hear her asking Lucia and Tommy if they need help, which they vehemently deny before shoving her out of the kitchen. "They run that kitchen like the goddamn Navy." She says upon reentry, and you laugh.

"Trust me, I've been trying to infiltrate for years now, and they haven't let me."

"Guests don't cook!" Tommy calls from the kitchen, and you roll your eyes. The backdoor slides open again, and you expect one kid or another to be crying from a fall or a bending of the rules, but you find Sarah and Ethan coming back inside. Well, you see Sarah's belly before you really see her. She, like Ellie, is wearing a red sweater, and her curls are half-up in a green bow. She's glowing. 

"I'm ready to be done with this pregnancy. This is bullshit," She breathes as Ethan helps support her into Hank's big Lazy Boy. Her hands rest on her bump, and she looks at you. "I don't know how you did this so many times." 

"I've only been pregnant twice, remember?"

"Oh, right. Twins," her eyes widen as she looks at Ethan. "We are not having twins. We're done."

"Yes, ma'am." He says diligently before kissing her forehead and asking Lucia for entry into the kitchen in Spanish. She greets him with loud kisses on both cheeks and gives him a glass of water for his heavily pregnant wife. You always knew you liked Ethan, but seeing him be such an attentive dad and husband only solidifies it for you.

"I remember how miserable I got at the end with JJ, too. Hopefully, you'll go into labor sooner rather than later." Dina sympathizes, and Sarah pokes at her belly.

"D'you hear that? People other than me want you out, you little terrorist."

"Honey, please don't call our daughter a terrorist."

"When she's the one sitting on your bladder, you can call her whatever you want."

"Daddy's home!" Your eight-year-old sprints through the living room with a posse of children behind him. Issac can keep pace with his long legs, but the girls— Lucy, Sophia, and Violet— struggle with their little, four-year-old strides. Poor JJ is left in the dust and gives you the saddest face ever as his cousins run past. Dina coos and takes JJ to soothe him and give him a chance to get in on the action as Joel trudges over the threshold with a gaggle of children and H-E-B bags slung over both arms.

"Little help?" He calls as he enters the living room. Everyone starts getting up from the couch to help unload the groceries, but Joel lifts a grocery-clad hand before Sarah can move a muscle. "Not you, mama. You rest." 

"Thank you." She says, and he hums, kisses her head, and elbows his way into the kitchen. One by one, you unload the groceries from the bed of Hank's truck and into their respective places around the house. Sam and Issac run away with an impressively large slab of brisket to give to Hank, and all three of the girls get distracted by the large metal tins of Christmas popcorn, complete with images of Santa wearing a cowboy hat on the side. 

It's chaos, but it's perfect chaos. Festive music and sweet smells float around the house as the sun sets on a chilly December Texas day. The lights around the house and on the tree cast the rooms in a comforting red, green, and white glow. You catch the kids laughing and whispering to each other as Tommy and Lucia dance together between stirring, patting, and baking. Dina and Ellie guide JJ around the house, helping him strengthen his wobbly legs and letting him feel involved. Ethan steals snacks from the pantry and brings them to Sarah's throne of a chair. You think he'd bring the world to her if she asked for it in this moment. Hank is in the backyard and bounces between showing the boys how the barbeque works and how to make the cows moo back. 

You're smiling at the insanity when Joel jerks his head toward the front door. "Got one last thing in the truck I need help with," he supplies. You figure it's something from Santa or something he didn't want the kids to see and get excited about. So, you agree and follow him out into the orange dusk and shiver a little at the sudden temperature change. You get all the way to the driver's side of the old pickup when he looks up at the tree he parked under, making you look up, too. You can't stop the laugh from leaving you at what you find. Hung above the truck in a tree older than Joel is a tiny sprig of mistletoe tied with nimble guitarist fingers. 

"When did you even have time to hang that?" You ask, and he shrugs.

"Anythin' is possible with Christmas magic." He snarks. You laugh and step into him, looking between him and the mistletoe as his cologne wraps around you.

"You're cheesy," you say. "And also stupidly romantic." 

"Yeah, yeah." He says as he leans down to kiss you. His beard scratches your face, but he makes up for it in the sweet way he holds you. He's warm and firm and so fucking perfect it makes you wish you could freeze this moment forever. He mumbles a quiet "I love you" and presses kisses all over your face like he's worried the spell will break if his lips leave you. 

Ten years ago, you got married on this same property. Eight years ago, you brought your son here for his first Christmas, and then four years later, your daughters. Your grandchildren have also spent their first holiday seasons here (Lucia was more than willing to buy a menorah and learn about Hannukah for Dina the second she found out she didn't celebrate Christmas). Every Christmas, you've brought Daisy and watched her run in the backyard. Then walk. Then lay down in front of the door, sighing like an old man. You know, perhaps someday soon, you'll have your first Christmas since your twenties without her. Someday, the kids will have their own traditions and families. Someday, Lucia and Hank won't have the energy to host the entire Miller-Hernandez-Caradonna clan for holidays. But that's someday. Right now, you're kissing Joel under an old tree with fairy lights and mistletoe strung throughout its branches, and the air is cold and full of nostalgia, and it's chaos. It's perfect. Until a distant cow moos loud enough for it to reach you all the way in the front yard and makes Joel pull away from you with an astounded look on his face.

"Was that fucking Roger?"

TAGLIST: @abbyhaslongshorts @kiwiharrykiwi @sumsworldz @myloveistoolittle @anavatazes @marantha

[nhasablogg]

Why do you hide?

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Characters: Reid, the BAU team

Summary: Reid avoids going to his yearly check up for the third year in a row, only this time his team members notice and try to help.

A/N: I admittedly have no idea if yearly check ups are a thing you have to do for work, but pretend it's a thing lmao.

Words: 2.1k

Reid knew what JJ had on her mind the moment he saw her crossing the office to get to where he was standing in front of the closing elevator, and because he knew what was on her mind he did the only thing his semi panicked mind could think of: he turned around and ran, if you could call walking slightly faster than usual running.

“Spence!” Her voice was muffled, which meant she was still inside the office which was good for him. He had absolutely no idea where he was going which in turn made him walk right past the most obvious escape routes (stairs, doors) and instead round the office area over and over. He could hear her behind him now, laughing because this surely looked ridiculous.

“Why are you avoiding me?” She grabbed a handful of his shirt, always stronger than you’d expect, and pulled them both to a halt. “What are you doing?”

“Oh hey.”

“Don’t ‘oh hey’ me.” She was still laughing, caught between concern and amusement and most likely stuck on incredulousness. Reid couldn’t blame her. “Why did you run?”

“No reason.”

“Oh my god, you’re not even pretending to genius your way out of this.” Her expression melted into proper concern. “What’s wrong?”

Guilt seized him, pressing into his chest. “It’s nothing, I promise, I just- Well, I know what you were coming to talk to me about.”

“How could you know that?”

Reid shifted. “Well, statistically it is around autumn time that we do our annual check ups, seeing as most people have recently come back from vacation, flu season is approaching, and the bureau wants to get all of those menial but necessary tasks out of the way before the holidays. It makes sense that you would want to talk to me about it even though that is not technically your job, but with your maternity leave getting closer and Gideon gone I think more tasks like these have ended up in both yours and Hotch’s hands and you probably realized that I-”

“Have skipped your yearly check up for the past three years? Yeah, we noticed.” She softened, something almost maternal crossing her features for just a moment. “Spencer, you know you need to do them. We all do.”

He fiddled with the hem of his sweater. Gideon had been kind about it when he’d realized Reid hadn’t gone to his appointment. He’d not asked. Had figured Reid had his reasons. In the back of his mind, overpowered by the neverending grief of Gideon’s departure, there was a small part of him which had been worried about this exact thing happening. He wasn’t sure what to even say if anyone asked.

But JJ didn’t ask. JJ was also kind about it.

“Tomorrow morning, Spence,” she was saying now, pointing at him. “Don’t let me hear you skipped it this year too.”

“I won’t let you hear it.”

“Spencer.”

He deflated. “Fine.”

“Good. Coffee?”

“Tons of it, please.”

*

Reid wouldn’t call it luck more than a momentary distraction that they needed to be in the air only hours later to fly to Pennsylvania, because he knew neither JJ nor Hotch would be dropping this. He avoided their eyes as if he’d committed the murder himself during the entire flight, but it was easy to have his face stuck in all the files. No one really questioned it.

“The doctor told me I have hypermobile shoulders,” Morgan was saying to Emily.

“Better than the opposite, I guess,” Emily replied. “I’ve gotten better at stretching this past year so she was very happy with me.”

“Wouldn’t want to get a bad grade on your yearly check up,” Morgan laughed. “Hey, Reid?”

Reid, who had stiffened the moment the conversation had started, jumped. “Y-yeah?”

“Sorry, did I scare you?”

“Well, I’m kind of busy.”

“Okay, testy. I was just gonna ask about your check up grade.”

“Oh, he’s not had his yet,” JJ said, sending him a look which he refused to interpret. “We’ll have to reschedule it.”

“Ah, that’s the worst. I’d be overthinking it. Like what are the chances of me developing asthma overnight or something.” Emily’s tone was light, laughter-laced, but Hotch seemed to grab onto her words much more tightly than she’d probably assumed.

“Is that something that worries you?” He was speaking to them all. “The yearly check up?”

Scratch that. His gaze was on Emily, but he was speaking only to Reid.

She shrugged. “Not really. I reckon you’d notice if something’s off before it, although I agree it’s a good system to have. You can never be sure.”

Hotch nodded, seemingly content, but when he dragged his eyes from Emily back to his own file it landed briefly on Reid, holding his gaze for a second too long.

Reid, stupidly, unnecessarily, flushed and lowered his head again, all but touching the file with his nose.

This was gonna be a long week.

*

“Hey kid.” He looked up from his desk to Morgan hovering over him. “JJ told me to tell you your check up’s at three today and to not be late.”

Reid shifted in his chair. They’d only been back for a few hours. He’d hoped that JJ would’ve given him another day at least. “Okay.”

“You seem nervous about it.” Morgan tilted his head, as if something clicked. “Come to think of it, you seemed tense about it earlier this week too. You okay?”

Reid waved him off. “I’m fine.”

“No, seriously. Do you have a fear of doctors?” Morgan leaned closer and lowered his voice. “Is it because of your mother?”

Reid had once confided in him that he was scared the doctors wouldn’t be able to detect it in time if his mother’s schizophrenia had been passed down to him. In retrospect it did sound as if he had a general distrust for doctors because of his mother, who’d not gotten the help she needed early enough. Maybe Reid could use that, only it didn’t feel right. He trusted medical doctors. He trusted they knew much better than him.

He shook his head. “No, no, I just-” He shrugged. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid.”

“I’m sure it’s not stupid.” But Morgan seemed okay about dropping it. It really wasn’t the place to push it anyway, with the office just returning to life after lunch. Reid was grateful for that, only it meant his check up was in two hours and he wasn’t sure he was ready. Felt the first surge of panic about it grip him.

And the worst part was that it really was stupid.

*

“I knew you’d be here.”

Reid knew Hotch would find him and so he wasn’t surprised, only a little shameful, when he looked up to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Hotch pulled a chair out, one far enough that he wasn’t in Reid’s space, and sat. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

How the hell do you talk about something like this with your boss? “I’m not sure I can.”

“Okay.” Hotch said it slowly, as if waiting for him to elaborate. “How come?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

Hotch raised an eyebrow. “Embarrassing.”

“You’ll think I’m being silly.”

“I would never think that.”

Reid looked down. Crossed something off of the note he’d been writing when Hotch had entered. “You will.”

“Reid, you’re scaring me. Should I have reason to be worried?”

Reid looked up again. Saw something terrified behind Hotch’s eyes. “I’m not using again,” he said quickly, realizing his behavior was probably alerting a whole different type of concern. “It’s not that.” Not this year. It had definitely been part of it last year, although not the main issue. Hotch didn’t seem convinced and Reid couldn’t blame him. “I will pee in any cup you want. I promise you, Hotch.”

“Okay.” Hotch leaned back. “Then what is it? Because as far as I’m aware your check up was supposed to start twenty minutes ago and you’re hiding in here.”

Reid exhaled slowly. “Like I said. Embarrassing.”

“Reid.”

“I just don’t like being touched by strangers.” It wasn’t a lie. Not the whole truth, but part of it enough that it wasn’t a lie. “It makes me feel… uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable.” Hotch tilted his head. Did his best not to profile him. “Has it always been like this?”

“Pretty much my whole life. Nothing’s happened, in case that’s what you think. Nothing I can remember at least.” He shrugged. “It probably has something to do with my undiagnosed autism.”

“Ah.”

“You’re not surprised.”

“I’m not, no.”

“Good.” Reid exhaled. “It means you understand.”

“I do to an extent, but Reid-” Hotch cut himself off, visibly trying to figure out how to approach this. “You do realize that that is no excuse to not do a mandatory check up, right? If you had talked to me I could’ve arranged some sort of accommodation. Now it just looks like you’re playing hooky.”

Reid hung his head. “I’m sorry.”

Hotch checked his watch. “There’s still time to do it. I can go with you.”

“No, no, it’s okay.”

“It would be no problem. Maybe it will help you feel calmer.”

“Garcia can go with me.” Reid had blurted it out, but the moment he said it he knew he’d said the right name. Garcia wouldn’t judge. Garcia would maybe tease, but she’d never judge. “If that’s okay?”

“Of course.” If Hotch was hurt that he was picking someone over him he didn’t show it. “I’ll let her know.”

*

Reid sat in front of the doctor and felt like a child. Garcia was doing her best to not squeeze his hand to death or bounce a hole on the floor, because those were the courses of action she’d decided to keep switching between. “I don’t like doctors,” she’d told him in the elevator, but she’d not protested when he’d asked, and so he’d not offered to let her off the hook.

“I hear you were trying to avoid me,” the doctor said, her tone light but firm. “Is there anything in particular you’d like to ask about before we start?”

“No.”

“Okay then. Now, this does not hurt at all and will be over quick. Sit up straighter for me. Breathe in. I need to listen to your lungs. Just like that. Well done, doctor Reid.”

Reid endured the coldness of the stethoscope on his chest and back and only tensed up a little when the doctor touched his lower back. Garcia was watching him intently, which in retrospect was his own fault and made him feel all the more tense. Maybe that was why he jumped when the doctor suddenly touched his side, briefly but softly. And Garcia, who was doing everything in her power to try to be there for him, understood.

“You’re ticklish.”

“Shh, not so loud.”

“That is adorable, boy genius.”

Reid groaned as they entered the elevator. “I don’t like that procedures like that forces you to remain still as you’re being subjected to sensations that you’re not supposed to be still while being subjected to-”

“So you’re saying you’d be fine with it if you were allowed to squirm away?”

“Well, kind of-”

“Say no more,” Garcia laughed, her index finger in Reid’s ribs, only for a quick poke, but Reid jerked away from it nonetheless. “So ribs, sides. Where else are you ticklish?”

“Nowhere.”

“Oh, don’t lie to me now. You can’t have avoided going to your check ups for years just for two spots.”

Reid held up his hands, a smile already on his face and nowhere to really run. Still better than the doctor’s office. Much much better.

“If you don’t tell me I will try them all,” she threatened, taking a step closer to him. “I’ll give you five seconds.”

Reid took a step back and found himself pressed against the wall. “Please.”

“Five.”

“Oh my god, Garcia, I beg of you-”

“Four.”

“Don’t tell Morgan about this, please don’t-”

“Three, two, one.” She stuck her hand beneath his chin. “You ramble for too long.”

Reid was too busy giggling to reply, although he could hear her cooing as well as he could hear the elevator reach their level, knowing she wasn’t done with him by any means but was probably kind enough to destroy him in private at the very least. She was laughing when she backed off, a threatening, teasing laugh, and despite his sensitivity he appreciated the playfulness much more than the concern.

“Watch your back, wonder boy,” she said, pointing at him as she walked away.

Reid exhaled, catching sight of Hotch nodding as he received a thumbs up from Garcia.

He ran a hand through his hair before entering the office with his head held high, hoping his smile had melted into a casual expression and that he wasn’t too flushed.

Much better than the doctor’s office.

[celenequinn]

Acolyte Final Thoughts

Now that Acolyte is finished I thought I would do a round-up of my thoughts on the series for my own sake :)

Plu, Acolyte has come onto my screen during a very tumultuous time in my life and I am overall just thankful to have good story as a distraction! The fact I get to not think about anything except lightsabers is a welcome change and one I'm very greatful for.

Spoilers!

Things I love:

The fights: HELLLO? Oh man I love a good battle and I love a good explosion. There was so many gorgeous lightsabers. I loved the super cool stuff like Jecki double wielding against the The Stanger, every time Sol did anything with a blade, and definitely Jacinto's arms I mean wielding sorry. There was just so much talent that went into each battle making even the corniest slow-mo cool.

Many Jacinto, Amandla Stenberg x2, and Lee Jung-jae: The acting of these 3 in particular blew me away. Stenberg ATE with their lines for both Mae and Osha. And the emotional journey JJ went on was so raw. I'm now tempted to watch everything he have ever been in. And then Jacinto just ended up being a scene stealer everytime he was on. Nothing but respect for the casting team.

The Lighting: I could see EVERYTHING! What a novel idea! Also the lightsabers gave off such gorgeous light in the perfect moments.

Jecki: She's for the girlies I don't make the rules. She filled the Omgea sized whole in my heart.

Costumes: Textures? Yes pls. Also everything was tailored so well I could'nt help but notice.

The Coven: I love when SWs is spooky and they gave us spooky with this coven. I was werid and dark and I loved it.

The Stranger/Qimir/Darth Teeth: My biggest suprise for the season. I honostly have'nt had a villian I have been scared of in a long time, but I got majorly scared when he showed up and started rampaging. And then switch to like, "ok he's sexy now?" and "ok he's evil but has feelings?" was so much fun.

Things I did'nt love:

Vernestra: I'm a books fan so I knew Vern before this all and I wish I just got somthing *more* from her. She's so cool on paper and I wish either more emphasis was placed on her side plot or, she was given more instresing character or things to do. She had more screen time than charaters like Jecki or Yord and I know them so much better than Vern.

Jumping Planet to Planet: This is just a pet-peeve of mine. I wished they either moved around all the time or stayed in one place. I hate this in between they got going on. It was mostly in the later half of the season tho

Pacing/Episode Length: This is not a new complaint but still it just did'nt really flow well for me. I feel like they should've started with the 1st flashback, did the 2nd mid-season. And them end where they did. Just my 2 cents.

Overall: I'm a lesbian execpt for Sith-Manny-Jacinto. I'm adpoting Jecki. And Sol, honey, you were doomed by your own choices.

See you in hell, Jedi!

[damnhotmsimmons]

So I watched the first two episodes of Criminal Minds Evolution, here are my thoughts:

Since this will be very long, I made a separate post with this one centering on the first episode. Will share my thoughts on the second episode in another post

*spoilers below* do not click if you haven’t seen the episodes

Update: I meant to work on this when I first watched the two episodes but didn’t get a chance to finish it. So the thoughts I had then are different from my thoughts on the episodes now after completing the season

cm 16x01/cme 1x01 Just Getting Started

  You can already tell what a difference it makes to have a show being developed on a streaming platform. The cinematography looks impressive, betting lighting and no more of that disgusting yellow filter in the later seasons

 The show feels more similar to Mindhunter than other CBS procedurals like NCIS, CSI and their spinoffs.

With the show on a streaming platform, they could have easily tried to amp up any violence and nudity but they didn’t. There’s little exploitation

For some reason JJ looked much better here than in the last three seasons. 

Ditto for Emily looking stunning with the silver hair, way better than the wigs she wore in s14-15

I also love Tara’s natural hair look. Hell, the ladies all look great in season 16

You know that the show has gone for so long that Henry is now a teenager. 

Deputy Director Bailey is getting on my nerves. Another obstructive bureaucrat trying to undermine the team. Barnes 2.0 but worse. It wouldn’t surprise me if he has an ulterior motive behind it

So Emily is now Section Chief, which means Cruz is gone (not helped that he basically vanished after 10x19) 

Elias Volt (The guy at the beginning and end of the episode) seems more interesting as an unsub than Lynch

While it isn’t the first time we’ve seen a pissed off Garcia, it’s interesting to see her go off on Rossi, and it’s nice to see her stand up for herself

I was kinda bummed that after one date, Garcia and Luke didn’t attempt to pursue the relationship further. Either that or covid or something else. Still, their interactions were everything and I love the kiss on the cheek he gave her

You know that Rossi is at a low point when he eats microwave mac & cheese

Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of them fridging Krystal. The man has already been through enough, he’s lost like two wives, Strauss and a few of his friends like damn. Even if the actress is unavailable, was her death really necessary? Along with a rehash of Carolyn’s death

Tara got a girlfriend, I’m so happy, she and Rebecca deserve all the love and appreciation

JJ looks so good in 16x02, and I love the intimate scene she has with Will near the end

Or course Emily would tease Tara about her relationship with Rebecca as well as JJ getting it on with Will in the morning. She is a mood though

I love Garcia and her coming back is bittersweet as I love seeing her work with the rest of the gang but at the cost of her new happy life

I miss Matt Simmons so much and wished he was acknowledged as much as Reid. At least Daniel is doing better in The Wheel of Time and CA2

Elias has a wife and two daughters, quite a dark parallel to JJ with her two sons or even Matt

Only two episodes in and Elias is a more interesting unsub than Lynch, it helps that Zach has a good performance. They better not mess that up

The network of serial killers is an interesting storyline and considering how underwhelming past storylines can be in cm, I fear the storyline will have an underwhelming ending

The end scene with the roundtable is so sweet, the gang is back together

[littlebugs]

my personal outer banks rant (character based) A/N: i have absolutely nothing against the actors of the show, this is just my full on review of outer banks and it's characters (i loveee the show so much tho, can't wait for obx 3!!!!)

see my site! https://littlebugs.tumblr.com/

jj maybanks obviously i had to start with jj.... this man has some serious trauma but somehow the series almost manages to play it off? i feel like there are a few key moments in the series but you don't really see his character getting a lot of sympathy from the other characters except for whenever it just manages to come up (sic the hot tub scene). also this man is straight up gorgeous MWAH! cut like a diamond, and he has that beach boy vibe. favorite vanilla boy in this series.

john b john b has an interesting personality and tbh it confuses me sometimes. maybe it's because his actor is like way old to play a 16-17 year old, he has this air of an adult while like doing stupid stuff, and he looks like an adult as well. he also got... married. not legally, but he got married. and honestly hes been through so much i don't even blame him- man just wants something stable in his life.

sarah cameron to be honest about her... i dont hate her! i though sarah might be stuck up in her old ways but she actually is quite a "go w/ the flow" girl. but home girl looses her dad (for a short time anyways) literally watched him die with leads to like a huge amount of trauma, has her brother attempt to murder her (yikes) and is on the run from police after being framed an accomplice in murder? not to mention getting kidnpped by her dad who turns out to be alive... i kinda forgive her for any rash actions because she arguably has one of the hardest times in the series.

kiarra carrera im sorry. I HATE IT. kiarra is a privileged girl who decides to run with underprivileged guys. i have not problem with that whatsoever! the problem is that now from hanging out with them, she calls herself one of them. you can't just think that (almost) poverty is easy peasy. yeah it's fun to hang out with the pouges, but at the end of the day she goes home to a warm house with food and a bed. people like jj and possibly john b might not have food in the house. she calls herself one of "them" but shes truly just glorifying the lifestyle and taking the advantages. not to mention her unstable relationship with pope who actually likes her. shes incredibly self centered and unaware and I HATE IT.

pope heyward POPE! i love popes rational thinking skills, hes one of my favorite characters. he rlly cares for his friends, but he also wants to have a future, unlike some of the other pouges who seems to be just lounging around. he works hard, and then works harder. he is probably one of the most underrated characters in obx. there is also something just so aesthetically pleasing about his voice it's crazy. pope arguabbly has a better home than most of the charecters with a mother and father who care bout him, but what hurts is when he runs away from them with his friends (i know he comes back, but the looks in his dads face almost made me cry istg).

rafe cameron ok... controversial character alarm!!! a lot of people like rafe but i can't understand it! yes rafe is... very handsome. yes rafe is.... also probably a psychopath. rafe definitely has something physiologically going on, and it seems like his family isn't intent on getting him help. rose cameron even says rafe has been like this since eleven. eleven!!! and they still haven;t helped him... sounds like it's getting worse to me. that may also be the reason rafe seems to fall into drugs more than any other character- it might - per say - let him escape his mind. all in all mr. rafe cameron needs some serious help and i would love to see if he has a healing process in season 3

ward cameron i do not like this man. not at all. he seems to completely ignore wheezie, honestly poor wheezie (we'll dig deeper later), he lets one of his children kill someone for him, and the other framed for the murder, murders people, marries rose (a mistake on his part because shes def toxic), and puts his children through immense trauma by killing himself and coming back to life. he also kidnaps people and blames the people HE murdered on some poor 17 year old. i can't.

topper to be honest i kinda like topper. topper is yes, a white, cis, straight male, but aren't rafe and jj? he is rlly respectful to be honest. he friends and some of the other kooks on figure eight are kind of jerks, but topper seems to be nicer. despite pushing john b of a tree or something he hasn't done anything wrong. he literately gets broken up with by sarah and WILL STILL risk himself for her. he also tells her he will never stop loving her, but gives up on the chase because hse doesn't want him. this man has a very very decent amount of respect and i adore him.

wheezie oh my god this poor kid. she's what 12 or 13? so uhm... i dont even know where to start. ok so her dad is a crazy murderer who scars her for life. her brother is also a murderer. her sister has been framed for murder. her mother is an accomplice in wards murder..... ugh. just let me whisk poor wheezie away and adopt her. also like ward does not seem to care about wheezie he speaks to her like 10 times -_- its crazzzy. i hope she turns out okay and honestly i would like to see some more wheezie character development.

carla limbrey poor carla. shes a jerk, but i feel bad. kinda. girl was dying and just wanted a cure, something to hold onto. she didn't have any sinister intentions, but it kinda turned evil because of her overwhelming urge for this cross and garment.. and omg renfield you jerk i hate him.

anyways this took an hour give or take so i hope you liked it!

[buckyseddie]

dating rafe includes

pairings — rafe cameron x fem!shy!kook!reader

summary — how it would be to date rafe cameron!

word count — 1.5k.

warnings — soft!rafe, mentions / spoilers of s2, also mentions of ward’s abuse, fluff, also a lot of mentions of reader and rafe’s sex’s life, both jealous rafe and jealous reader, reader being an icon by hating ward and being the one that helps rafe get better, mentions of the reader being shy and loving books to death, reader hates rafe in the beginning, reader confronts rafe about his dad’s abuse, mentions of reader’s own trauma from abuse, mentions of reader having SEVERE insecurities, mentions of them both graduating from college, getting married, and having kids.

notes — so, obviously i’m doing more jj and rafe imagines, etc., but since season two JUST came out, wbk my obsession with those two boys IS back, so enjoy this head-canon, while i finish an actual imagine for one of the boys! i’m so sorry, this is REALLY rushed, i’ll fix the grammars later!! gif and divider creds to owner!

p.s., feedback is very much encouraged and appreciated <3

main masterlist

-i feel like [y/n] would be a kook and probably sarah’s best friend — which, is how rafe would know her.

-and unlike her best friend, she’d be a totally shy bookworm. (same, tbh.)

-she’d of course be the same age as rafe — in college and attending the same one as him.

-and although he was a complete jerk to everyone else that he didn’t like — along with the pogues — he never had an issue with [y/n], so he absolutely refused to include her in his insults or bullying. 

-but, that didn’t mean she didn’t notice how he treated people.

-in fact, there was a short period of time where she grew to despise him for the way he treated the pogues, or anyone else that didn’t rise up to his high-as-hell expectations.

-but, something changed as she spent more time at the cameron’s residence.

-she would hear conversations — very confusing ones. especially, cruel ones with ward that possibly changed all opinions of hers on rafe.

-because now — more than ever — it was clear that he was being abused and neglected by his own father. and it broke her heart.

-because [y/n] — she had her own family issues at home, which was why she’d always be with sarah or any of her other friends — finally understood rafe and sympathized with his situation.

-and because she had put all of the pieces together, weeks later, she finds herself knocking softly on his bedroom door in the middle of the night.

-grumbles and shufflings of a pair of feet are heard from inside the room, before rafe swings the door open, hair a complete mess and an annoyed expression placed upon his face with extremely red and tired eyes.

-his mouth is opened — he was just about to yell rudely at her.

-but, his jaw drops an impressively long amount as he realizes who it is at his door. “[y—y/n]? wh—what’re you doing here?” he questions in a shockingly nervous and raspy voice.

-with a heavy sigh, she speaks in barely a whisper, “could i come in? i need to talk to you.”

-with a nod, rafe moves out of the way and let’s her in, before gently shutting the door behind her.

-“i know about your dad. and the way he treats you.” [y/n] abruptly says, before rafe can even ask her a question.

-his mouth drops open. “what?”

-she sighs, shutting her eyes briefly, already knowing how hard this conversation is going to be.

-then, she opens them back up and takes in a deep breath.

-“your dad? his behavior? it’s not normal. parents aren’t supposed to prioritize one of their children and mistreat the other. trust me, i know how it is.” she continues, watching as rafe’s face keeps going back and forth between fear and denial.

-“no. no, he’s not. i don’t know who you think you are, but you don’t know anything.” he spits out with a trembling voice, beginning to pace.

-but, she didn’t have to say anything else after that — rafe kept repeating the word ‘no,’ to her.

-and then, it was only seconds, before rafe finally broke and fell into [y/n]’s arms.

-she gasped in shock, but nonetheless held his head to her chest as he melted into her embrace, arms wrapping themselves around her.

-he sobbed and sobbed, shaking as his face eventually became as red as a tomato and tears had dried up on his cheeks.

-[y/n] only held him — for as long as he needed it — knowing that in the way that she needed the support, when her step-father had treated her the same way, was the same way that he needed it.

-that night was the first time they’d truly ever bonded. everyone had noticed it, including sarah.

-but, she was glad that rafe had [y/n].

-because even though, he’d done terrible things, she knew there was a part of her brother that deserved happiness and she knew that if he could change, [y/n] would surely be the one to inspire him to be better.

-and she did.

-as they spent more time with each other, both of them not only became good friends, but they also began to fall for each other. deeply.

-and as time went by, [y/n] helped him through every bump in the road during his recovery, and it wasn’t long before they began to date.

-everyone was so shocked of them falling in love and becoming a couple, especially because rafe has always been a confident guy, whereas [y/n] has always been more of the quiet and shy type of girl.

-but, even though, they make an extremely unexpected couple, they like who they are when they’re together — rafe enjoys that she’s shy and reserved and likes to watch her read, sometimes even asking her to read to him, and [y/n] loves that he’s the more confident and open one of the couple because he helps her feel better about herself.

-rafe distances himself from ward because [y/n] teaches him that ward isn’t a good father and that he doesn’t need him in order to be a good man — ward doesn’t like this so much.

-ward comes crawling back to rafe, trying to drag him back into the abusive relationship and [y/n] doesn’t have it.

-in fact, she’s absolutely furious when he tries to drag his son back into his drama.

-she refused to let rafe’s hard work on himself and on getting better go to waste because ward killed another person.

-so, when he came knocking on her door, asking for his son, she chewed his ass out and slammed the door on him.

-he didn’t come back after that.

-i mean, who would? [y/n] [y/l/n] is scary as hell when she’s mad.

-^^rafe thinks she’s hot when she’s mad.

-[y/n]’s the only one to calm him down and comfort him.

-also, because of what happened with peterkin — and the abuse of his father and the loss of his mother — rafe has night terrors, which usually leads to panic attacks or nervous breakdowns.

-there’s been countless times where [y/n] wakes up to hearing rafe screaming and gasping for air, and god, it terrifies her that he has to go through that — rafe is still very much haunted by taking the innocent cop’s life away.

-[y/n] has that boy wrapped around her fingers — no joke, he’ll do anything for her.

-sex is literally a normal thing for them, i— literally, they are so crazy for the other that they’ll do it anywhere??? — [y/n] has become very confident and comfortable around rafe.

-[y/n] literally gets so jealous around rafe in public because so many girls flirt with him at parties, despite the fact that everyone knows that they’re dating???

-rafe has to full-on reject the girls — harshly, may i add — so that he can convince his girl that she’s the only one for him and it takes a whole lot of reassurance from him because she’s got insecurities and still thinks that he deserves better than her.

-although… there are some times where he’d get a bit cocky about getting so much attention??

-this isn’t the best thing for him to do, though, because him getting attention from other girls really did not do [y/n] well with her own issues.

-needless to say, after one time of him being a cocky little shit about it and it bringing her to becoming more bothered about it than she led on and causing her to get super emotional and hurt about it, rafe immediately stopped doing that — the last thing he wanted was to hurt the one person he cares about the most in the entire world.

-but, with rafe’s jealousy? whew! that is a whole other story.

-he full-on kisses the fuck out of [y/n], just to prove his dominance towards any tourons trying to flirt with her because he’s super possessive of her.

-truthfully, there’s a bit of insecurities buried deep behind it.

-he trusts her, of course he does.

-he just feels that he’s bad for her, which is why he gets jealous easily.

but, it usually ends with them having angry sex and then they’ll just be laying in bed and she’ll trace her fingers over his bare chest and murmur all the things she loves about him and how he’s the only person for her.

-they are the power couple of obx.

-he goes back to college for her and they both graduate with honors.

-a few years after they’ve graduated, he proposes to her on his boat.

-it was actually romantic as hell, but also terrifying for them because [y/n] can’t swim and doesn’t even like the water and the love they have is so deep and consuming it scares them to death.

-but, nevertheless, they get married.

-then, they have three kids, a few years later. two boys and a girl; rafael and connor, and sarah [y/l/n] — rafe and the boys don’t take the cameron name because [y/n] and rafe don’t want anything to do with ward.

-although, before the kids were born, rafe was terrified that he’d turn out exactly like ward and become a terrible father.

-but, [y/n] had to repeatedly tell him that he’ll be a great father and nothing like ward.

-because of how he was raised, rafe knows what not to do as a father and becomes a better father than ward could ever have been.

[mercy-burning]

Petite Etoile

Pairing: Spencer Reid x femReader Summary: BAU!Reader used to be a stripper, and when people where she used to work are being murdered, the team is called in to investigate. Category: Fluff, Smut 18+ (oral sex- male and female receiving, penetrative sex, Reader also does a stripping performance) Warnings: Sex, language, mentions of murder/violence and all the things you’d normally find in an episode of Criminal Minds. (As always, if there’s anything I missed, let me know what I should include in warnings! I want to be as mindful as I can about what I post. Thank you!) Word Count: 7.8k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: This is going up way later than I said it would, so I’m sorry if you were looking forward to this, I just haven’t been motivated lately. But  I really have to get out of my writing slump, and I’m hoping I can do that soon. Anyway, I hope you like it! Thanks for reading 🥰 Also, I know that Don’t Blame Me by Taylor Swift doesn’t exist at the time of early season 2, which is when I imagine this taking place, but for the sake of the story let’s pretend it does, because that’s the song I had in mind when I wrote the performance scene 😉😂

***

When Y/N walked into work Thursday morning, everything was as normal as it could be. She chatted with Elle on her way up the elevator, handed JJ her coffee as she made her way to Hotch's office, and ruffled Reid's hair when she passed him, smiling at the way he blushed at her affectionate gesture.

But when the team was called into the round-table room, and she watched as JJ presented their next case, Y/N felt a little sick to her stomach.

Over the past week, three strippers from the town she'd lived in for years before moving to Virginia had been found stabbed in various parts of the block surrounding Starsight. She knew the place well. Not only did she used to work there as a stripper after she graduated, but her best friend, Irene, owned the establishment, and she'd practically become the sister Y/N never had. She helped her through college and pushed her to go into the Bureau. If people, Irene's people, were dying, why hadn't she called or said anything?

Thankfully Y/N didn't recognize any of the dancers who'd been killed, because if she had, she'd feel a lot worse. But even still, she wanted to find who was behind it, and she would. The BAU always did. And with her background knowledge of the scene and the town, Y/N figured she might be able to lend an extra helping hand.

But first she had to tell the team about her past.

It wasn't a secret that she used to be a stripper. In fact, it wasn't really something she was able to hide. With someone as curious as Penelope Garcia in her life, Y/N wouldn't have been able to hide it even if she wanted to. Thankfully though, besides the occasional teasing comment from Morgan, and sometimes Elle, the team didn't treat her any differently. She wasn't Y/N The Former Stripper, she was just Y/N. She was good at her job, and everyone respected and liked her just the way she was.

While debriefing on the jet, she was about to bring it up when Morgan did it first, seemingly sly like he'd discovered some big secret. "Hey, Y/N, didn't you used to live near this place?"

She nodded, clearing her throat. "Uh, yeah, that's actually what I was going to bring up. Starsight is where I used to work before I moved here. I know the owner of the place, she's one of my best friends."

She could tell Morgan wanted to tease her some more about her previous work, but before he could get a word in Gideon spoke from behind her. "Irene Whitcomb?"

"Yeah."

"Good, when we land I want you, Morgan, and Reid to go talk to her. See if you can find anything out."

Y/N nodded, and in front of her, she noticed Reid was a little flushed. It didn't surprise her considering when everyone found out her previous job, he almost choked on his coffee, and Morgan laughed hysterically while he had a coughing fit. It was obvious to Y/N from the beginning that Spencer had had a little crush on her, and it didn't bother her at all. Every once in a while she'd pat his knee before she got up from her seat next to him or wink at him as they saw each other briefly in passing, just to see how he'd react, and by now it was a staple of their relationship. It never did go any further than that though, Y/N afraid she might make him too uncomfortable.

But even still, she couldn't help but give him a flirty smile as he blinked rapidly in front of her, still seeming to process what was going to happen when they landed. When he excused himself to go to the bathroom, she gave him one more wink and a small bite of her lip as he passed.

Morgan laughed softly beside her. "You're gonna ruin the poor kid if you keep that up, girlie."

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," she responded, even though the smile on her face suggested otherwise.

***

A strip club being almost at full capacity in the middle of the day was more common than one might think. It had surprised Y/N when she first started working at Starsight, and even now she still didn't really understand why. Regardless it was almost 3pm, and if things had stayed the same over the years, which by the looks of things seemed to be the case, Irene should have been behind the bar.

It must have been a sight to behold, Y/N mused as she and her colleagues navigated through the club in search of its owner, and it sounded like the beginning to a bad joke— a former stripper turned FBI agent, a guy who looks like he just walked straight out of a procedural cop show, and an adorably and obviously nervous skinny kid with glasses and trembling hands walk into a strip club at 3pm... The thought made Y/N laugh to herself, right before Irene spotted her.

"Y/N!"

It was obvious that she wanted to jump over the bar and give her old friend a hug, but given the circumstances, Irene settled for dropping a shot glass, spilling the drink on the counter, and clapping her hands quickly a few times in succession. A wide smile and kind eyes greeted the three agents as they approached.

"Irene, hi," Y/N greeted with a large smile of her own. "I wish I could have came to visit under better circumstances."

"Right, me too..." The blonde woman's smile faded for a second, just long enough that the recognizable signs of grief came and go quickly before replacing themselves with bittersweet niceties. "Anyway, you wanna introduce me to your friends?"

"Yeah, Irene, these are my colleagues, Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid."

Irene reached out to shake their hands, eyeing up Morgan with only the slightest bit of shame, and laughing softly at Reid's polite avoidance of the gesture as he settled on a wave and a shy smile.

"We were hoping to ask you a few questions about the past week," Morgan said.

"Yeah, anything. Just give me a minute to clean this up and we can sit down."

***

"So, you used to work here?"

Y/N laughed, kicking Derek under the table. "Yep. Looks exactly the same as when I left, too. Only difference is that I'm not here to bring everyone in on Friday nights."

As Derek laughed, Spencer tensed up beside Y/N, and he started to play with his hands under the table they all sat at.

"She's not joking," Irene said as she approached the table with a smile. She took the seat next to Morgan and gave him a wink. "Petite Etoile over here was the main attraction."

Y/N groaned a little. "Oh, c'mon Irene, don't use my nickname here, that's not who I am anymore."

"Don't tell me you've lost your shine, Little Star." From the tone in her voice to the look on her face, it was clear to Y/N that Irene was just as devious as she'd been since the day they first met. "You know it would just break this town's heart."

"I highly doubt that... Besides, this little star shines just as brightly as it used to, thank you very much."

At that statement, Y/N felt Reid's knee hit the table with a loud thud. As Morgan questioned whether he was okay, she wondered what was running through his head. It didn't last long though, because shortly afterwards Morgan started asking questions about the case.

"Was it particularly crowded on the nights the dancers were killed?"

Irene hugged her arms to her stomach, her eyes drooping a little at the mention. "It gets pretty crowded every night to tell you the truth. But Friday nights are busiest. The nights Carrie, Lola, and Evelyn disappeared were just like any other night here."

"I know how hard it is to keep track of everyone, but is there anyone you might have noticed that seemed a little too lurk-y?" Even as she asked the question, Y/N felt like she already knew the answer.

And Irene really did seem to try to recall something, anything that could help, but she was visibly frustrated, tears welling in her eyes. "No, Y/N, I'm so sorry. After Carrie... the first time... we heightened security and everything, but it just wasn't enough, I... I don't know what to do."

Y/N reached across the table to grab her friend's hand. "It's okay, 'Rene. We're gonna figure this out, alright? I promise you."

Through tears, the blonde smiled and squeezed Y/N's hand. "I know you will, Little Star."

"Would it be possible for us to look at your surveillance tapes?" Reid asked quietly.

Irene looked up at him and nodded, still squeezing Y/N's hand. "Anything you need."

***

"So... Little Star, huh?"

Y/N rolled her eyes with a smile as she, Morgan, and Reid got into the car. When she got in the passenger seat, she waited for Morgan to be in the car before responding. "Oh, don't start. I swear to God, Derek, if you start calling me that I might just have to kick your ass."

"Well, you gotta at least tell me how you got the name?" he laughed, putting on his seatbelt while Reid climbed in the back.

"Well, how do you think? The place is called Starsight after all... So, Petite Etoile just made sense."

It was obvious that she was lying to get him to drop it, so Morgan kept pushing. "Okay, sure, but that's not the whole truth. Carrie, Lola, and Evelyn didn't have star names."

"Ugh, okay, fine, if I tell you will you shut up about it?"

"Promise."

Y/N caught a glimpse of Reid in the back through the rearview mirror. As expected, he was fidgety and just a little red.

She sighed and waited until Morgan pulled out of the parking lot to talk. "Okay. Once every month Starsight does a 'Midnight Sky' theme night. They light the place up in deep blue lights and everyone wears... space-themed outfits. Every dancer does their own special routine with songs and outfits that they pick on their own. My first time working a theme night, everyone seemed to really like what I did; I ended up doing an encore later in the night before we closed. Another dancer who worked with us at the time, Jenny, was learning French, so after my performance she called me Petite Etoile, and it just stuck."

"Okay, but why did you get the nickname and no one else?" Morgan asked with a smug smile. He knew she was still holding something back.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes, Y/N, I really want to know."

She sighed. "Let's... just say my outfit was... well, it barely covered me, and what it did manage to cover was covered by fabric in the shape of stars."

While Morgan laughed, Y/N looked in the mirror to see Reid with his head low, even more red than he was before. He was biting his bottom lip and fiddling the the seatbelt strap, and when his eyes briefly met hers in the mirror he was quick to avoid eye contact once again. If Y/N didn't find it completely adorable she would have felt more badly about it. But just to make sure, she called out to him.

"Reid, you okay back there?"

He looked up to meet her eyes again through the mirror, but only briefly before trying to ook anywhere else. "O-oh, yeah, I'm... I'm good."

Morgan laughed. "Yeah, I bet you are."

Y/N punched him in the arm and met Reid's eyes once more. "Sorry."

"Oh, you don't have anything to be sorry about, it's... it's okay, really, I-I'm not... it's..."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Y/N said calmly, giving him a reassuring smile. "We're all good here, right?"

"Right," Morgan and Reid said one after the other.

"Good. Now let's catch this creep."

***

Unfortunately no one had gotten much of anywhere in the next few hours. The security footage showed a man following each of the girls out of Starsight but there wasn't anything distinctive about him. Somehow he'd avoided all the cameras face to face, so he knew where they all were. And as for how he chose which dancers to target they weren't sure.

Until Irene walked into the station, that is.

"Y/N, I completely forgot something! I can't believe I missed it."

She stood before the team in the office that the station had given them for the time being, everyone else sitting down. Y/N stood up and nodded. "What is it?"

"Carrie, Lola, and Evelyn were all Spotlight Performers."

"What does that mean?" Elle asked from behind them.

Y/N turned to the group, her arms crossed. "Every other night Starsight spotlights a different dancer for a large performance at the end of the night, sort of like a grand finale before the club closes."

"So you're saying each of the girls was the Spotlight Performer on the nights they went missing?" Hotch asked, more like a clarification than a question.

"Yeah, Carrie on Saturday, Lola on Monday, and Evelyn on Wednesday," Irene said frantically.

Y/N reached out to grab her hand. "Well, it's Thursday. So, if he sticks to pattern, he's going after tomorrow's Spotlight Performer. Who do you have lined up?"

"Well, no one yet. After the murders the girls have been hesitant to schedule, and I don't blame them... So what should I do?"

Before Y/N could answer, Hotch did. "Y/L/N, you haven't gone undercover before, but I think it would be a good idea. You used to work at Starsight, you could lure him out."

She turned around sharply. "Oh, I... I don't know, Hotch, I haven't danced in so long, I'm not sure I—"

"He's right," Gideon interrupted. "It's the best chance we have at catching him."

Between Hotch and Gideon's opinions on the matter, Y/N knew she didn't have a say anymore.

"You still know your routine, Petite Etoile?" Irene asked, only slightly amused.

"Petite Etoile?" Elle wondered aloud.

Y/N heard Morgan laugh and she sighed.

***

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were nervous," Irene said as she straightened another piece of Y/N's hair.

She played with the hem of the sheer robe she was wearing. "Well, I'm about to go undercover for the first time, stripping for the first time in years in front of all my colleagues so I can lure out a serial killer, so I guess you could say I'm a little nervous."

"Well... When you put it like that..."

Y/N looked up at her friend. "I'm sorry, Irene. Really, I'm okay, and we will get him, I promise."

"No, I know you will. I'm not worried. So... Who do they have watching you tonight?"

"Gideon and Hotch are outside, but Elle, Morgan, and Reid are in here with me. There are some extra officers all around the block, too, just in case."

"Hmm," Irene mused, and Y/N could tell she wanted to say something.

"What?"

"I don't know, it just surprises me they'd send Reid in here of all people. He seems almost more nervous than you."

Y/N laughed. "Well, when it comes to girls he gets a little nervous, but... he's good at his job."

"I'll take your word for it. But I also wouldn't be surprised if he short circuits when he sees you up there."

The thought made her smile a little, though she wondered how badly Morgan would tease him about the whole situation. Things between them all would no doubt be a little awkward for a while, but in no time they'd go back to normal like it never happened. At least that's what she told herself, because she wasn't sure what she'd do if her friendship with Reid was permanently damaged and awkward because of her past. The thought worried her just a little, but before she could get too psyched out, a knock at the door brought her back to reality.

"Y/N, it's Elle."

"Come on in!"

Y/N got up from the chair and turned around to meet Elle in the doorway. Her eyes wandered for a moment before nodding with a smirk. "Damn. Petite Etoile indeed."

Despite the nerves, Y/N smiled. "You here to give me an earpiece?"

Elle nodded and closed the door behind her. As she turned on the device and handed it to Y/N, she spoke. "You nervous?"

"A little, but it's just because I haven't done this in a while. Not to mention I'm doing it in front of everyone, and I'm luring out the unsub."

"No pressure, right?"

Y/N laughed, adjusting the earpiece and taking a deep breath. "It'll be fine. How long until I go on?"

"Five minutes. I'll be near the front with Reid. Morgan is in the back with a few officers, and everyone else is outside. We all have communication with you, so if we see him we'll let you know what to look out for."

"Got it."

"Y/L/N, can you hear me?" It was Hotch's voice through the earpiece.

"Yeah, loud and clear."

"Good. We're all in position. Whenever you're ready."

***

Elle met him near the front of the stage. To say he was nervous would be an understatement. Spencer didn't have a problem with strip clubs in the least, but it was bad enough that he'd thought about Y/N on multiple occasions in his dreams, now he was going to have to see her stripping just like he'd imagined many times over. The whole situation spelled out disaster, and if she didn't already know he had a crush on her, she most certainly would when the night was over.

As Elle approached him, he took a deep breath and stretched out his hands to calm his nerves. "She okay?"

Elle nodded. "Ready to go. I'm gonna stand on the other side of the stage, keep a look out for anyone who seems like he could be our guy."

"Right."

Before she left, Elle patted him on the shoulder and smiled knowingly. "Oh, and Reid... Try not to get distracted."

Yeah. He was fucked.

When the music that was playing stopped and the lights started to shift, Spencer took another deep breath. Irene's familiar voice came through the speakers.

"Thank you for coming to Starsight. Tonight's Spotlight Performer is a special one. Returning to the stage for the first time in years, shining brighter and better than ever before, give it up for our very own little star, Petite Etoile!"

A deep, seductive song that Spencer didn't recognize replaced Irene's voice as the lights shifted again, and the crowd around him applauded. It was just as crowded as it had been when he, Morgan, and Y/N met Irene the day before, but with a serial killer no doubt present and Y/N about to come on stage, everything felt heavier.

A dark silhouette broke through fog on the stage, and even though Spencer knew it was Y/N, it didn't feel real. He'd only ever seen her at work, in work clothes, and sometimes in casual clothes when they all went out for drinks on occasion.

So when she finally came into view, her hair tumbling down her back and shoulders rather than in a ponytail, and wearing almost nothing at all, he wasn't even sure it was her for a split second. But the way she looked, her magnetic presence and the way she carried herself across the stage was so remarkably her it was hard to miss. Everything about her confidence was elevated in that moment, and his own confidence—in his job and ability to function as a human being—was completely shattered when she caught his eye. It was just a split second, but that was all it took.

She must have noticed, because she gave him a small smile and a wink before turning her attention to the rest of the crowd as the music built. Spencer cleared his throat softly before glancing around, trying his best to scan everyone for anything suspicious. When he was sure there was nothing around him to be concerned about, he reluctantly let his eyes wander back to the stage.

By now Y/N had rid herself of the sheer robe that was on her, leaving her in a deep blue one-piece... contraption was the only word he could come up with. It was all connected by thin straps of fabric that weaved around every curve of her body, crisscrossing and leaving little to the imagination. Just like she'd described back in the car yesterday, small patches of fabric shaped like stars covered the front of her breasts and...

The second he looked down, she squatted, spreading her legs open and rolling her hips, exposing almost the entire front three rows of people to her barely-clothed pussy.

Spencer felt his cheeks grow warm as he quickly averted his gaze and pretended to survey the crowd again. To his credit, he did really search for anyone who could be the unsub, but the whole time he heard the song and the cheering crowd, and in turn Y/N occupied almost every corner of his brain.

When he finally had the courage to look at the stage again, she was making her way to a chair in the middle. Every step was on beat to the music and purposeful. She danced around the chair for a bit before another big beat drop in the song happened, and she squatted in front of it quickly, rolling her hips as she slowly got up.

Her eyes found his once more as she mouthed along to the words of the song, almost like she was singing directly to him. He wouldn't have thought anything of it, but she held his gaze for much longer than he'd been able to handle, and she knew exactly what she was doing. Which was made evident when she bit her bottom lip and ran her hands down her body, stopping at her knees before she sat in the chair and spread her legs, her hands finally dragging along the insides of her thigh.

Her eyes remained on him the entire time.

Butterflies immediately erupted in his stomach at her intensity, stronger than they'd ever been before. He'd always felt it when she affectionately ruffled his hair or patted his knee in passing, but now? She wasn't even touching him and he was about to crumble to the ground.

Thankfully something in his ear saved him from that. "I've got a visual." It was Morgan. "He's in the back, black long sleeve and jeans. Buzzcut. Y/N, look up at me and blink three times when you see him."

Reid looked up and and noticed her doing it. To anyone else it wouldn't have seemed out of pace, but he could tell she was a little rattled. In any case, she broke contact with Morgan and continued on with her performance as if nothing happened.

Though it meant there was most definitely a serial killer in the room and he would follow Y/N out of the club later, Spencer was glad for the past minute, because he wasn't sure how much more of the performance he could take. Suddenly there was a job to focus on again, and he was thankful for that.

***

"You're sure you're okay?"

Y/N laughed as she approached her motel room, phone in hand. "Yeah, Irene, I'm okay. Promise. He got a hold on me but my team was there to stop him before he did anything. No nicks or bruises or anything."

"Okay... You were great out there by the way. If you weren't such a kick-ass FBI agent now, I'd ask you to come back."

Laughing, she turned her head and noticed Reid at the end of the hall, walking to his room. He caught her eye and gave a shy smile before disappearing behind the door and closing himself off from her. She contemplated a moment before starting her journey to his room. "Well, I'm glad we could help. Maybe if I find myself in town again, I'll stop by."

"Yeah, you better. Though I'd prefer if a serial killer wasn't involved."

"You and me both. I'll come see you before we leave tomorrow morning, yeah?"

"Yeah. Goodnight, Petite Etoile."

With an affectionate roll of her eyes, Y/N nodded though her friend wouldn't be able to see. "Night."

She hung up and put the phone in her bag, taking a deep breath before knocking on Reid's door.

The answer was almost immediate. He stood before her, and it looked like he'd just gotten undressed, wearing grey pajama bottoms and a white tee shirt. "Oh, Y/N, h-hi," he stammered, pushing his glasses up his nose a little. "What's up?"

"Do you... mind if I come in? I know it might sound a little weird but I don't really want to be alone right now..." It was true. Though she was okay after catching the unsub, the idea of being alone after everything that happened was sure to leave a small ache that wouldn't let her sleep, and having company would make a good cure.

"Oh, no, that isn't weird at all. Uh, sure, come on in." He stepped aside and opened the door wider to let her through. She smiled gratefully as she passed him, careful to notice the faint color that adorned his cheeks.

When he closed the door behind them, she set her bag down on the floor and turned to meet him, playing with the sleeve of the FBI jacket she was wearing. Before leaving Starsight, she'd changed into underwear, leggings, and a thin tee shirt. She debated taking the jacket off, but knowing how much of her body her colleague and friend had no doubt seen that night, she figured for his sake she'd leave it on. At least for now.

"I know it's late and we should probably get to bed, but... Truthfully I don't know how well I'll be able to sleep."

Spencer seemed concerned. "You're... you're okay? He didn't hurt you badly, did he?"

"Oh! No, he didn't, I'm just... rattled, that's all. I'll be okay, really. It's just that I haven't... performed in a long time, and all of that added on to being serial killer bait was just... eventful. That's all."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, you were great."

Y/N raised an eyebrow, a small smirk playing at her lips. "Oh?"

"Oh, I mean at handling the unsub. Not that you weren't great at the other thing, of course! I just... I just meant that... I didn't mean... Um..."

"Hey, it's okay, I'm... I'm not mad or anything, I'm... flattered."

The redness on Spencer's face became more vivid under the dim glow of the room. "I- Really?"

Y/N smiled and took a step closer. "Mhmm. Y'know... Truthfully it was really hard for me not to look at you the whole time. Out of everyone in that whole room, I wanted to see only you."

His gaze wandered up and down her body briefly before meeting her eyes. "You did?"

"Mhmm," she said again. Her hand reached out to graze his bare arm, and he shivered under her light touch. "You can stop me if this is too weird, but... I really like you, Spence... Like, a lot. And, I think it's pretty obvious that you like me, too. Am I wrong?"

He swallowed. "Um... No. You're not wrong."

She was only inches away from him now, her hands gently caressing his shoulders and chest. She looked up at him through her eyelashes and smiled. "Do you want to kiss me as badly as I want to kiss you right now?"

"Um... T-truthfully I think I might want... to kiss you more..."

Y/N laughed and balled his shirt in one hand, the other snaking up to the back of his head and running through his hair. "Okay, then... You gonna prove it, or what?"

He bit his lip softly before leaning down and capturing her lips in a kiss that made her dizzy. Her hands tightened their grip on him, and the second her lips parted, he wasted no time gently swiping his tongue across her bottom lip, his confidence growing with every second. She groaned into him, pulling her body flush against his and forcing him to wrap his arms around her waist to keep steady.

They pulled away for air eventually, and by the gleam in his eyes when she looked at him, she knew exactly what she had to do.

"No one is rooming with you, right?"

"N-no. It's just me."

"Good." She whispered it seductively as she removed her hands from him and slowly unzipped her jacket, keeping eye contact with Spencer the whole time. Except, of course, when his eyes glanced down to see the progress the zipper was making. Once she slid it off her shoulders and let it drop to the floor, he took her in, his tongue dancing behind his lips.

She let him have a few more seconds before taking a step forward and kissing him again, both of her hands cradling his face and bringing her thumbs to gently rub his cheeks. He melted into her completely, wrapping his arms around her again in no time. While their kisses were slow and passionate for a minute, eventually they grew hungrier, and Y/N hadn't even realized they'd been moving until they were toppling onto the bed, Spencer falling back and her landing on top of him.

They broke apart only for a moment to adjust themselves, but went right back to each other once Y/N straddled his legs and he leaned back on his hands to keep himself upright.

Her hands played in his hair as she kissed him, each brush of her tongue against his sending him into a downward spiral. He'd only ever dreamed of this, and even then, this was better than any dream. Y/N herself was better than any dream.

She ground her hips against him, causing him to groan into her mouth, and he pushed himself forward to be closer, needing to be completely wrapped up in her for as long as he could. When she pulled her mouth from his and settled her hands on his shoulders to keep him from moving, he whined a little, the sound completely taking the both of them aback.

She smiled and cocked her head to the side. "I've thought about this for so long... You have no idea how many times I've wanted to kiss you since we met."

"Really?"

With a nod, Y/N toyed with the collar of his shirt, tugging it and slowly grinding her hips against him again. "Have you ever thought about it?"

It was a question they both obviously knew the answer to, but she wanted to have some fun. She loved seeing how shy he got, it made her want him even more.

"Yes... I... I think about you a lot," he breathed, blinking at her as she slid her hands down his chest and found the bottom of his shirt. She smiled and raised it up, her touch sending shivers all over his body.

"What have you thought about? Any specifics?" she asked once his shirt was all the way off. Her fingers found their way to his neck again as she pulled herself closer.

"Oh, I... Um... I-I've thought about... kissing you on the jet in front of everyone."

Y/N smiled and pushed his glasses up his nose, then traced her finger down over his lips and hooked it under his chin to tilt his head up, exposing his neck. "I've thought about that, too... You know what else?"

Spencer blinked at her, urging her to continue.

She leaned forward and kissed the underside of his jaw, then his neck, leaving small kisses in between every soft word. "I've thought about how good your hands would feel on me." Her hand grabbed one of his and brought it to rest on her side, slipping under her shirt. "Have you ever thought about touching me?"

"Yes," he breathed as she moved her mouth back up his jaw and to the corner of his mouth.

She brought her lips just inches from his, and he could feel them just barely as she spoke. "Do it. Please."

And then she let go of him, bringing both her hands to his face as she kissed him again. Her legs wrapped around him tighter as he used both of his hands to grip her sides. As soon as they knew they were stable enough not to fall backwards, Spencer slid his hands slowly up her torso and barely ghosted over her breasts. She could tell he was a little hesitant, so she pushed further into him, practically trapping his hands in between their chests. Her kisses grew deeper and more desperate as he palmed her breasts, letting a moan or two slip out to encourage him further.

Thankfully it worked, because with every passing second he got more confident with his touches. When Y/N moved her hips against his again, he sighed into her mouth and brought one of his hands out from under her shirt and to her head, running his fingers through her hair.

At this point he was noticeably hard beneath her, and she was desperate to feel more of him. So Y/N peeled herself away from Spencer and snuck her hand down to play with the waistband of his pants. "You wouldn't happen to have a condom on you, would you?"

"Oh, uh, a-actually Morgan gave me one as a joke last week. It's, uh, in my wallet. In my bag."

Y/N laughed. "Sounds like him. Why don't you go grab it."

He nodded as she got up off of him. While he walked over to his bag, Y/N quickly removed her shirt and leggings, leaving her only in a pair of thin black panties that were almost too small. Before he turned around, she sat back on the edge of the bed and spread her legs wide, leaning back on her elbows as she waited.

If she didn't know any better she would have thought that when he turned around, his eyes were going to fall out of his head. He took small steps towards the bed, and she made the 'come here' motion with her finger. "Take your pants off for me?"

He all but scrambled to get them off, and Y/N smiled affectionately at him as she watched, hoping to calm his nerves by letting him know that he had nothing to be nervous about.

But just to be sure, she told him as much anyway. "You've got nothing to worry about, Spence. Trust me, I... I want this."

Once his pants were off, he met her at the edge of the bed, standing in between her legs. "I do too, I just... It's just that I've only ever... done this before once, and... I'm not very experienced, and I don't want to disappoint you."

Y/N sat up and grabbed his hips, leaning forward to press small, soft kisses to his stomach as she looked up at him. "You could never disappoint me. Promise."

Once she was sure he was a little more relaxed, she moved her kisses lower, until they reached the waistband of his underwear. She hooked her fingers under it and slid them down slowly, keeping eye contact with him until they dropped to the floor. Only then did she look down at his dick, and it was even better than she imagined.

Giving a satisfied hum, she pressed a soft kiss to the tip and fluttered her eyes up to meet his, the look on his face completely awe-struck. She took the tip of his dick in between her lips and sucked gently, swirling her tongue around it as she watched his mouth fall open, a sigh escaping. She could tell he was holding back a little, so she traced her finger along the length of him and kept sucking lightly at the tip, hoping to get some noise out of him.

Y/N took him in her mouth completely, bobbing her head up and down just a few times to get him wet before removing her lips with a pop. When she gripped him firmly with one hand and steadily began to stroke him, he finally gave her what she hoped for.

"Y/N," he groaned, just above a whisper. His eyes were closed, but he opened them when she stopped.

"You wanna put it on or should I?" she asked.

"Spencer turned the small packet over in his hand before nodding. "I can do it."

Y/N scooted farther onto the bed and slid off her panties as he got to work, and thankfully he wasn't as nervous anymore. He moved to take off his glasses, but she stopped him. "Keep them on?"

The devious grin on her face made him blush, and he nodded, crawling over the top of her and pressing tentative kisses to her stomach, only he travelled downward instead of up to her mouth.

"You don't have t—"

"I want to," he reassured, kissing her inner thighs. "Truth be told, Y/N, I've thought about doing this, too. Is that okay?"

"Yes," she responded clearly, extremely turned on by the needy tone in his voice.

Almost immediately after she answered, his tongue darted out to taste her, swiping gently over her clit and sending her into a state of speechlessness. She leaned up on her elbows to watch as Spencer took his time, exploring and savoring every inch of her. She knew now why he'd wanted to take his glasses off, but if anything the sight of them riding up his face as he ate her out made the whole thing even hotter.

"Fuck, Spence, that... that feels so fucking good," she breathed, trying to keep her eyes open to look at him but ultimately failing.

Her words emboldened him, and he slipped a finger slowly inside her, his tongue paying special attention to her clit. He worked them together in a slow, sensual rhythm that eventually drove her to the edge. And she told him so.

"You're gonna make me cum," she breathed, willing herself to open her eyes. She found him staring up at her as best as he could in his position, the hungry sparkle in his eye pushing her further. What finally pushed her over the edge was when he sucked gently on her clit and groaned against her as she called out his name. Everything blinded her for a moment as she rocked her hips against his face, needing to hang on to every last second of her orgasm.

When she finally came down, Spencer pulled away and adjusted his glasses, to which Y/N bit her lip and moaned once more. "You're sure you've only ever done this once?"

He laughed a little, sucking his fingers clean with a shrug before answering. "Yeah, but I'm a quick-study."

Y/N smiled and reached one of her arms out to him. "Come here, quick-study."

The two of them smiled as their lips found one another, her hands flying to his hair once again. His hands gripped her waist, and his dick pressed up against her lower stomach, making her groan against him.

Without another word, Y/N hooked her legs around his waist and shifted their weight, rolling them over so she was straddling him now. Spencer reached up to move her hair to one side of her face, and then soon after she sat up, placing her hands on his chest.

"I'll tell you something else I've thought about," she said lowly, scratching down his chest just lightly enough to give him goosebumps. She then used one of her hands to grip his dick and lifted her hips up, running the head of him through her wetness as she looked down at him. "I've thought about how good you would look while I ride you. More than once, actually."

She sank down onto him, just a little, and his face sure enough twitched in pleasure, making Y/N smile to herself. "What about you? You ever imagine me riding this pretty cock?"

"Fuck, Y/N, yes, I— Oh my god..."

She sat down completely, rocking her hips forward a little and pressing her hands harder into his chest. "Fuck, you feel so good..."

She set a slow pace, making sure to pay extra attention to Spencer's face as she worked him. Just like she'd done before, he seemed to have a hard time keeping his eyes open, but his hands gripped her hips so tightly she was sure they'd leave bruises. The thought of that spurred her on, and she picked up the pace, bouncing steadily on his cock.

"Ohhh, fuck," she groaned, her hands leaving his torso to grab her breasts. He opened his eyes and watched her, letting out a soft moan of his own. His hands slid up her sides and under hers, replacing them with his own firm grip. She leaned forward a little so he wouldn't have to reach up that far, placing both of her hands on either side of his waist.

"Tell me," she managed to say as she continued riding him. "You ever think about fucking me at work? In the round-table room or over my desk? I know I have..."

He continued to pinch and pull at her nipples while barely being able to keep his eyes open. "Y-yes... Fuck, Y/N, I think about you all the time..."

"Feeling's mutual. Sit up for me?"

Spencer opened his eyes and she helped him sit up. They adjusted for a second before she wrapped her arms around his neck and started moving again, rocking her hips into his and giving him a better angle to hit inside her deeper.

"Fuck, baby, you feel so good," she breathed against his lips before she kissed him, missing the feel of his lips on hers. Their bodies clung together perfectly, every movement feeling better than the last, until they were both obviously close to coming undone.

Sure enough, the moment she squeezed her legs together and clenched herself around him, he groaned into her mouth and bucked his hips forward. "Y/N... I..."

She pressed her forehead to his and tugged at his hair, quickening her pace just a little and feeling herself geting close as well. Any moment now and she would feel it.

"Me, too," she breathed, brushing her nose against his. Within a matter of seconds, they were both unraveling, sighing out each others' names and holding on to each other for dear life as they rode out their highs.

Eventually Y/N slowed her hips to a stop, and she slumped against him, pressing one final kiss to his lips before she got off his lap and pulled him down to lay beside her, immediately snuggling into his side and burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"So, was that better than you imagined?" she murmured against his neck, pressing kisses along collarbone.

Spencer laughed and pulled her even closer. "Even better. No dream could ever do you justice."

She smiled, feeling herself growing sleepy. "You sap... But, for the record, I could say the same thing about you."

"Really?" He seemed genuinely curious.

Y/N looked up at him and smiled, tracing patterns on his chest with her fingertips. "Really. I wasn't kidding, Spence, I think about you... probably more often than I should. You're distracting."

"I'm distracting?" he mused. "You're... you. Seriously, it's a surprise I haven't completely made a fool of myself around you since we met. Especially after we all found out about your other job."

"Right... That doesn't... weird you out, does it?"

"That you used to be a stripper?"

She nodded, truthfully a little worried. She wasn't sure why, but it had always been a problem in her previous relationships, and she'd gotten used to that.

"No, of course that doesn't weird me out. I mean, I was definitely more intimidated around you, and I figured you were completely out of my league... Truthfully, I think you still might be."

"Oh, don't sell yourself short, Doctor. You're perfect, and really, if anyone was out of anyone's league here, it would be me. I'd be lucky to have you in any capacity, you know that, right?"

He blushed, bringing his forehead to rest against hers again. "Well... In any case, I really do like you, and... If it's not too weird, maybe you'd want to go out sometime?"

Warmth bloomed in her chest as she reached out and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. "Of course. I would love to."

***

"Make it stop," Y/N whined, covering her ears with the pillow.

Spencer stirred beside her, barely awake himself. The knocking at the door wasn't stopping, and in a huff of annoyance, Y/N decided she'd had enough.

"We're getting up!"

She only realized what she did after the door opened and Elle walked in, a shit-eating grin on her face. "Oh my God, you were in here last night! I came by your room and tried calling..."

Y/N and Spencer both froze, completely awake and now well aware of the fact that someone else knew about their... sleeping arrangement.

"Uh, yeah... Yeah, I was here. Sorry if I worried you," Y/N stammered, trying to keep her cool. "I-I promised Irene I'd stop by this morning for breakfast before we left, so I should probably do that. Do, um... Do you mind?"

Elle laughed, giving the two of her friends a once-over before nodding. "Sure thing, Little Star. Oh, and uh... Good for you, Reid, proud of you."

"Elle," Y/N groaned, clutching the covers tighter around her bare torso.

"Right. Don't be too late."

After she left, Y/N leaned over to Spencer and rubbed his arm. "I'm sorry. I probably should have—"

He stopped her by pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss. When he pulled away, his hand brushed the hair from her face and he smiled. "It's fine. I don't care who knows. I mean, as long as you don't, Petite Etoile..."

He said it with a grin reminiscent of the one Elle had just adorned, and it made Y/N laugh. She kissed him again and ruffled his hair. "I'm gonna get you for that."

"What? It suits you."

"You are not calling me by my stripper name. It's bad enough Elle and Morgan are probably gonna call me that for the rest of my life, I don't need it from you, too." She smiled as she said it, hoping that he knew she was only joking.

Either way, Spencer looked at her adoringly and took her hand in his. "Well, then... how about I just call you mine?"

"I like the sound of that."

[donald4spiderman]

Ok hear me out. Spencer is dating Reader and she’s always hated that she’s been more chubby/curvy. And one night in the middle of a case she calls him crying and Spencer just gets really soft and calms her down after a bad nightmare. And his heart breaks cause his loving girlfriend hates her body. So Spencer plans this elaborate date and proposes maybe? You can decide if the team have met her or not. I’d like it to be the original team but if you wanna combine the original and new teams together that’s cool too!

no bc my body image issues have been rampant lately so this is personal as hell to me. I work out a lot and i’m fit but i’ve never been SKINNY like i have thick legs and muscular arms andnnfnfjndjnffn so this is personal.

I modified this a bit but it’s still the same premises hope you like it! ***BTW IN THIS UNIVERSE THE S3-7 CAST EXISTS FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW— SO THE LATER SEASONS HAVE MORGAN AND HOTCH.

also sorry this is a long

TW: body image issues, discussions of food & weight, insecurity, crying, kissing

WC: 1.5k

-

You know, pragmatically, that you have nothing to worry about. Spencer chose you. And for the past four years, Spencer has worshipped you every day— again and again. He is the most loving, considerate, and tender partner you could ever wish for. He is near perfection.

You’ve met Spencer's friends many times. You’re not close with either of your parents, so the team of profilers welcomed you into their arms with grace and care. Each and every one of them is beautifully amazing and exceptionally brilliant.

Spencer‘s friends are not only badass, but they’re also gorgeous. JJ, Emily, and Garcia are national treasures— so visually stunning it’s almost sickening.

You knew he used to have a crush on JJ way before he met you. You’ve also heard the tale of Lila Archer, the celebrity actress who made out with your boyfriend in a pool. Spencer’s had an eventful life, full of beautiful, sweet, magnificent women— so why does he choose you?

You view yourself as bland in comparison. What do you have to offer Spencer that he can’t find elsewhere? You don’t have toned abs, slim hips, and slender arms. You’re not striking in any way.

Spencer calls you every night when he’s away on a case. He’s never missed a call, even when he got shot in the neck and kidnapped by a murderous cult. He’s reliable and consistent, and that eases your worries a little bit.

It’s eleven pm in D.C. and your phone rings right as your getting in bed.

“Hi, my love,” Spencer says breathily, his voice slightly muffled by the phone. He’s away in Ohio for a case.

“Hey.” You reply, the sweetness in his voice soured by your mood. “How’s the case going?”

“Good. JJ and I are about to pass out in our beds— we’re so tired.”

You can’t help the way your face drops. “Oh. Well, get rest.”

Your about to hang up before he interjects. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Why?” You know better than to lie to your boyfriend, who happens to be an expert on human behavior.

“Okay, I know a lie when I hear one. (Y/N), baby, what’s wrong?” He pleads.

You can’t help the tear that rolls down your cheek. “God, I’m sorry. I just miss you so much. You always know what to do when I’m feeling like shit.”

Spencer knows how much you struggle with self and bodily acceptance. He hates the world for making you feel anything less than incredible, both inside and out.

“I miss you too, so much, (Y/N).” His voice is thick as if he’s going to start crying too. “I love you so much, so fucking much. You have no idea how beautiful and amazing you are.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” He laughs through a sob that wrecks his body. “You deserve everything in this world. I promise to give you everything you’ve ever wanted. You are the love of my life.”

You wipe the tears from underneath your eyes. “Sorry for keeping you up. You must be tired.”

“Never, if it means I get to talk to you.”

“I love you, Spencer.”

“I love you too, (Y/N). More than you’ll ever know.”

-

Spencer wakes up the next day with a newfound determination. The team solves the case as fast as possible, and by the end of the night, they’ve boarded the jet back home.

Spencer has more than enough hours to think about you and how much you mean to him. Hotch is seated directly across from him, rereading the case files.

“Hotch?” The wiser man looks up from his files, raising an eyebrow.

Spencer pauses for a moment. Maybe he’d be better asking Morgan or JJ for advice, considering Hotch’s tragic circumstances regarding Haley.

But no one loves like Hotch does-- sincerely, passionately-- stronger than anything else in the world. Spencer decides there’s no one better to ask.

“How uh did you know that Haley was the one?”

Hotch’s eyes soften for a bit. He clears his throat. “I knew since the day I met her that I would love her for the rest of my life unconditionally. She makes me complete. Do you feel that (Y/N) makes you complete?”

He already knows why Spencer is asking for his advice, steering the conversation in that direction.

“Yes. She’s my world.” Spencer whispers.

“Then it’s simple, really. Love doesn’t need to be complicated and precise. It’s what you do with it that matters.”

“I want to marry her, Hotch. I want to be with her for the rest of my life.”

Hotch smiles, “Then do it.”

Spencer feels the rush of excitement as he gathers everyone on the jet, including the prior sleeping passengers, filling them in on his big plans.

“I need all of your guys’ help.”

-

There’s a firm knock on your door at four in the morning. You know it isn’t Spencer because he has a key, but who could it be?

You take a cautious look out of your peephole to find Penelope, Emily, and JJ outside.

“What are you guys doing here?” You yawn. “For god's sake, it’s four am.”

“We know, and we’re sorry.” Penelope smiles.

“Is Spencer alright?” You ask, wondering if things suddenly went wrong during the case.

But by the joyous look on their face, you know nothing somber occurred.

“Spencer’s completely fine. But, we need to you to get changed and come with us. FBI’s orders.” JJ chuckles.

You change into warmer clothes in minutes, and the BAU ladies usher you into Emily’s car as fast as possible.

“So, no ones gonna tell me what’s going on?”

They shake their heads, “We’re just... running a quick errand.”

After a few more minutes of driving, Emily parks on the side of a dimly lit street.

“I need you to put this on.” She says, holding up a blindfold.

“Are you guys gonna murder me?” You joke, slipping the fabric over your eyes with little resistance.

“Quite the opposite, actually.” You don’t have time to think about what Penelope means before you’re being yanked out of the car.

You walk, guided by JJ, for four minutes. The grass beneath you crushes below your boots, and the hushed whispers of Emily and Penelope behind you do nothing to calm your nerves.

“Okay,” JJ says, halting to a stop. “You can take off your blindfold now.”

You hesitantly slip the blindfold off, revealing a brightly lit table in the middle of a secluded field. Morgan, Hotch, and Rossi are standing off to the sides.

Suddenly, Spencer emerges from behind a tree, dusting the leaves and dirt off his adorable sweater.

“Hi?” You laugh, utterly confused by this situation. “What’s going on?”

His hands are shaking, and he has to swallow a few times before he can speak. “I-I uh got y-you apple pie— uh your favorite.”

Spencer walks you towards the table, where a small slice of warm pie sits lonely on the table.

“Y-you should um... eat it.” He urges, pointing at the knife and fork next to it.

You glance around, trying to gauge the emotions of everyone around you, but fail. Stupid profilers and their poker faces.

Your fork cuts into the heavenly smelling pie, and you scoop up a bite into your mouth.

“It’s... good? I’ll pretty much eat any pie you give me, Spencer.”

He smiles, “I know that. But t-this is a special pie.”

“Okay...”

“You should t-take a closer look— at the pie.”

You inspect the dessert, completely puzzled until a glinting piece of silver catches your eye. Spencer notices the shock in your face and catches the plate that almost falls out of your hand.

Morgan hands him a napkin, and when Spencer pulls an apple-covered ring from the slice of pie, you almost faint.

“No way.” You gasp; tears spring to your eyes as Spencer wipes the ring clean.

He holds it tightly between two fingers, bending to kneel on one knee.

“(Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), I knew from the moment I met you that you were the most special woman I’d have the pleasure of meeting. A month later, you asked me out for our first date, and I couldn’t believe that someone as gorgeous and amazing as you would settle for someone like me.” You scoff at his humility.

“I spend every moment loving every part of you, (Y/N). None of my love will ever stop— ever. I promise to share my heart with you until the very end. There is absolutely no one I would rather be bonded to for the rest of my life. You are better than my dream girl because you’re real. You’re here, and you chose to love me every day— the good, the bad, and the ugly. (Y/N), will you do me the honor and great privilege of allowing me to become your husband?” You silently sob.

“Please say yes.” Spencer smiles.

“Yes!” You exclaim, pulling him up to hug him. “How could I say anything but!”

The dam breaks, and the entire team begins to cry as you and Spencer share a passionate kiss, almost collapsing down onto the grass from the sheer force of your love. He slips the ring onto your finger; it belongs there.

“I choose you, (Y/N).” He repeats.

“I choose you, Spencer, always.” You whisper into the crook of his neck.

Nothing’s ever felt so right.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 3) - A Moment

Summary: Jensen is away from home for a few days but isn’t having the easiest time being away from the kids for the first time since the accident. When he returns home, he has a gala to attend on Saturday night but a kiss on the cheek and slip of the tongue will snowball into the reader and Jensen sharing a moment...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 6,100ish

Warnings: language, death of a spouse, death of a parent, anxiety, self-worth problems, referenced past harassment

A/N: I love this part so much for so many reasons. Please enjoy!

________

“Hi Jensen,” you asked Monday night when your phone rang. “How was your flight earlier?”

“Same old same old. I just got out of work,” he said with a yawn. “Gonna grab a bite out with a friend. Kids eat dinner okay?”

“We had honey sriracha glazed salmon with brussel sprouts and roasted red potatoes.”

“Really?”

“They had kraft mac and cheese and I had Taco Bell.”

“See this is why I like you,” he chuckled.

“I’ll try the salmon again tomorrow. I was gonna make it but they didn’t have any at the store,” you said, opening the fridge and taking out a pint of ice cream. “Hey can I have what’s left of this mint ice cream?”

“Sure. Pick some more up for me sometime before friday please,” he said. “Also, Taco Bell? You do realize we live in freaking Austin right. There are literally hundreds of places you can go that have better mexican food.”

“Yeah but fake cheese tastes good,” you said. He laughed and your stomach rumbled. “I so should have gotten more than two tacos.”

“You in the kitchen?” he asked. You hummed and you heard him let out an oof in the background.

“Yeah. You alright?”

“This bed in my hotel room is comfy,” he said. “But I was starting to say, go in the drawer at the end of the counter by the table. There’s only five hundred gajillion take out menus in there. Order a treat for yourself. It’s on me.”

“Jensen. I can get my own dinner.”

“True but you’re on call 24/7 until I get back.”

“Well in that case I bet you got a menu for a fancy steakhouse in here somewhere,” you teased as you picked up one for a tex mex looking restaurant. “Does this place really have quesadillas this big?”

“You must be looking at the menu on top. I almost ordered from there last week actually. The food’s great. They do delivery too. Just buzz the guy into the gate when they get there.”

“Any recommendations?” you asked, taking out the menu and flipping it over.

“Quesadillas are good. Loaded nachos are amazing. I’ve literally never had a bad thing from there,” he said. “To be honest I’d rather be getting that than where I’m going tonight.”

“Why’s that?” you asked, reading through your options, surprised to find such good prices.

“I have to wear a suit,” he said with a sigh. “After being poked and prodded all day I literally would rather just eat crap and watch food network.”

“How long have you known this friend of yours?” you asked.

“Twenty years, why?”

“Then you guys knew each other when you were young. It’s not too late out there. Call him, see if he’d rather get some crap food, a six pack and just catch up on his couch or in your room. I’m pretty sure he’s more looking forward to seeing an old friend again than the food,” you said.

“You make very good points. I should pay you more,” he said.

“You pay me plenty and barely let me spend a dime of my money on myself,” you said. “I don’t need more.”

“You got that fancy computer though.”

“You literally have the exact same mac in your office.”

“You moved in like three boxes and two computers,” he said.

“An ipad is not a computer,” you said.

“Debatable.”

“Well I like to draw sometimes and it’s easier on an ipad when you’re laying in bed,” you said. 

“Are you any good?” he asked.

“No.”

“I bet they’re really good,” he said as you rolled your eyes. “I see you draw with the kids sometimes and those are good.”

“It’s a hobby is all,” you said, leaning back against the counter, your stomach grumbling again. “Anything else you want me to grab at the store? I’m going to hit it tomorrow while everyone’s at school.”

“Nah. Get the usual stuff,” he said. “The kiddos in bed?”

“Yeah, got the last one down about fifteen minutes ago,” you said. He hummed and you heard the sigh in it. “I got a video of them playing earlier I’ll send you.”

“Thanks. It’s my first night away from them in a long time. Normally I’m able to come back same day. I was kinda hoping they’d still be awake to say goodnight.”

“They’re safe and sound dad. We’ll call again after school tomorrow to talk like today,” you said.

“Yeah,” he breathed out. He was quiet and you pulled the phone away, taking a deep breath. 

“You okay?” 

“I haven’t been alone like this in a really long time.”

“I know. You check out your backpack yet?”

“No. Why?”

“You didn’t bring a jacket with you so I put that yellow hoodie that’s always on the hook in there in case you got cold.”

“That was Dee’s hoodie.”

“I was pretty sure it was,” you said. You heard him shuffle around briefly before he hummed, much happier that time. “I thought you might like to have a piece of...something-”

“I really don’t pay you enough,” he said quietly. “Thanks for putting this in there. I need something from home more than I realized.”

“Well put it on, call up your buddy and have some fun tonight, Ackles. Nanny’s orders.” He laughed and you felt that twinge in your stomach again, your eyes quickly closing.

“I will. Hey you mind if I call again tomorrow night? I don’t have any plans and sitting in a hotel room by myself isn’t very fun.” You smiled and felt heat in your cheeks, quickly thinking it away. He wanted company for a few minutes was all and you were friends. It was completely normal to talk with friends on the phone everyday.

“Of course. As long as you get a dinner in at some point that’s more than fine with me,” you said. “We can talk about The Bachelor!”

“Oh God no,” he groaned, chuckling after a few seconds. “I’ll settle for Grey’s Anatomy.”

“This Is Us?” you asked.

“Supernatural?”

“I haven’t watched that yet. I’m working up to it,” you said. 

“Work faster woman. I only know legit everything about that one,” he chuckled. “But probably not a good idea to watch that one until I get back and you're not alone. First episode is kinda scary.”

“Oh well thanks for that,” you said, watching the clock tick by, knowing it had to be almost seven out there. “I’ll let you go. Have fun tonight Jensen.”

“I will Y/N. Promise.”

Friday Night

“Arrow,” you said after she’d flung her pasta bowl all over herself, covering her hair and face. She sniffled and you forced a smile. “Okay. How about a bath after dinner?”

Fifteen minutes later JJ and Zeppelin were in the movie room watching a cartoon while you had Arrow in the kids bathroom, scooping up some water over her head in the tub.

“Well hello ladies,” you heard behind you. You jumped and spun around, glaring for a moment before you recognized Jensen.

“Just me,” he said, backpack still on his shoulders. 

“Daddy I got ziti all over my head,” she said.

“You did?” he asked, dropping his bag and taking off his jacket, kneeling down next to you. You got the last bit of sauce off and squirted some shampoo in her hair, Jensen watching you with a smile. “How was your day?”

She told him all about breakfast and daycare, playing with a few toy boats with him while you rinsed out the soap. You did a bit of conditioner before getting it out as well and putting the spray nozzle back.

“I got the rest if you wanna get the dryer ready?” he asked you, reaching for the soap. You swapped spots with him, Jensen washing her up while she kept talking about her day. By the time he was all done you had the dryer out and plugged in, Jensen picking her up and wrapping her up in a big bundle of towels before he set her on the counter. You went to work drying her hair, Jensen draining the tub and finding some pajamas for her.

“Do you want your hair up or down, sweetie?” you asked. She tried gathering it up and you grabbed her soft scrunchie perfectly fine for sleeping in from the counter. You put her hair up in a soft little bun, Jensen making an adorable sound when he returned.

“Aw, you look so cute, baby. I’ll be right there alright?” he said. She hopped off the counter and got dressed, rushing off downstairs when she was all done. “Survive the day?”

“Somehow we always do,” you said, gathering up the towels. “Kids are in the movie room.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna shower but we’re all good for the night,” he said. “Thanks for watching them this week.”

“You gotta go do your job,” you said. “You working on a movie or something? You never said.”

“Uh gonna be in a show called The Boys,” he said. “I’m gonna be one of the superheroes so I gotta go out and get my suit made all special for me every so often.”

“You’re gonna be a supe! That’s so fucking cool!” you said. He grinned and you blushed, shaking your head. “I’m so sorry. That was so not appropriate.”

“I don’t see any little ears around,” he chuckled. “You like the show then?”

“Yeah. It’s great. Like no other show consistently makes me go what the fuck did I just see. That’s so cool you get to be a supe though. Are you a one off or like a main character?”

“I’ll be very present in the next season. Gonna deal with the seven, all that,” he said. “I’m gonna be Solider Boy.”

“I can see that. You have that all American boy thing about you.”

“It’s my adorable face,” he teased. 

“Well remember to not stay up too late. You have the gala tomorrow night remember?”

“Yes mom,” he said as you walked out. “Get the kids some takeout for dinner tomorrow and yourself.”

“Sounds good boss,” you said. “Night Jensen.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

The Next Night

You froze from where you were mixing up some brownie batter with JJ at the kitchen counter as Jensen popped downstairs. He was in a gorgeous black suit, a maroon pocket square and no tie going on, his hair scruffier looking than normal.

He started to laugh and you realized you were staring, your cheeks feeling hot as you went back to stirring.

“Mmm, you guys save me a brownie or two for when I get home?” he asked, leaning over and dipping his finger in the bowl of cream cheese frosting.

“We’ll spare one for dad,” you said, Jensen going back for seconds. “Ah, ah. No.”

He dipped his finger in and got another fingerful, kissing the top of JJ’s head and the twins at the counter.

“Be good for Y/N guys!” he called as he rushed out.

You whistled and he jogged back, catching you holding up his phone from the counter.

“Thank you,” he said, taking it and pecking a kiss on your cheek. You looked up at him and he froze. “I am so sorry. I…”

“It’s okay. Go have fun and be all charitable,” you said. He shoved his phone in his pocket and ran out, JJ scratching her head.

“Dad’s kinda weird sometimes,” she said.

“Yeah, he is. But so is everybody,” you said. “Let’s get this in the oven so you guys can pick out colors for your frosting, hm?”

“I really shouldn’t. But I really should,” you said to yourself, plopping your second brownie of the night in a bowl and sticking a scoop of ice cream on top. You carried it over to the couch and lay back, watching TV on the big screen as you heard the door open. Jensen came into view a minute later, taking his jacket off and groaning as he washed up at the sink. He went to the tray of brownies on the counter and picked one up with a big sigh. “Fun night?”

He jumped and whacked his head against the cabinet above, hissing before he spun around.

“You okay?” you asked. He nodded and left the brownie behind, pushing his sleeves up before taking a seat on the other end of the lounger.

“Y/N I’m really sorry about the kiss on the cheek. That was so inappropriate. You’ve kinda implied that there was some stuff that’s happened to you at other jobs you found over the line and I’m really truly sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I wasn’t...I forgot you’re my employee for a moment. I really am sorry.”

“Jensen if I had a problem with it or you or your behavior I would quit on the spot. I don’t let myself get pushed around anymore. You were happy and busy and you pecked a kiss on my cheek, not reach a hand down my pants. It’s really okay. You’re way too hard on yourself.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Positive. It’s barely ten which means you left as soon as you could. You’re supposed to be out having fun,” you said.

“I was kinda freaking out that you hated me,” he said.

“Dude you gotta relax,” you said. “Have a brownie and some ice cream.”

He got up and after a minute took a seat at the other end with a bowl of his own, smiling as he got a taste.

“This is fucking awesome,” he said.

“I know,” you said, Jensen smirking. “Do you feel better now silly boy? I promise that if you ever do anything I find inappropriate I will promptly kick you in the balls.”

“I can agree to that,” he said. He ate for a moment, watching the TV and laying back. “Do you ever like, want to go do things with your friends on a Saturday night? If you do that’s totally cool. These aren’t normal hours anyways.”

“Being a nanny eats up a lot of your social life,” you said. “Kinda got kicked out of my friend group after I broke up with my ex anyways.”

“Well they sound like they suck,” he said.

“Yes, they do,” you said. “I don’t mind so much. I meet plenty of new people through work. Only person you can depend on is yourself and I don’t tend to let myself down.”

“That’s a very lonely way to go through life,” he said.

“It’s not easy to make friends in your thirties,” you said. “Maybe for someone like you who travels and meets new people a lot and stuff but you have like, real friendships. You know?”

“Well we have a real friendship, don’t we? You’re friends with Jared and Rob and Ruthie and Rich,” he said. “I don’t trust just anybody with my kids. That’s real.”

“Yeah,” you said, taking a bite. “So when’s your friend free?”

“Hm?”

“Blind date guy. Maybe he could be a friend if things work out,” you said.

“Oh yeah. He uh, he actually got a gig up in Canada so you might need to wait like a month or so. But he’s excited to meet you,” said Jensen.

“Can I have his number?” you asked. “Or do you think that’d be weird?”

“No, not weird. I think he just kinda wants to do it old school if that’s okay. Meet you first and go from there.”

“This friend of yours better be like super hot,” you said.

“If it’s a problem-“

“I can respect him wanting to do things like that. But I’m gonna want a firm date soon,” you said.

“I’ll make sure to get you one,” he said. “I’ll get it down tomorrow, promise.”

“He better not mind me eating like this either. I ain’t a salad on the first date kinda girl. He’s gonna need to keep up with my eating while were at it,” you said. He snorted in his seat beside you and ran his hand over his face.

“I will keep that in mind. I have occasionally had dessert first truth be told,” he said.

“This is why I like you Ackles. You get my sweet tooth,” you laughed.

“It’s a good thing your dinners are healthy cause I swear I haven’t consumed this many baked goods in months,” he said. “The kids love it and my stomach loves it though.”

“I’m gonna need to start working out though if I keep this up. Oh hey is it okay if I do laps in the pool in the mornings? I’ll be super quiet and stuff.”

“You don’t gotta ask,” he smiled. “Like I said when you started, you got free reign to use the pool, the gym, whatever, aside from my room. You a swimmer?”

“Not really but I hate running and supposedly it’s a good workout or something,” you shrugged, eating another bite of brownie.

“Anything in the gym you’re free to use. I know you must get a little bored sometimes when I’m gone and the kids are,” he said.

“Not bored per say. Ordinarily I would do more chores but you have like a cleaner and a landscaper and you just...give me more time in the day than I’m used to is all. It’s actually great though. It gives me plenty of time to come up with ideas for the kids and stuff.”

“Well as long as you’re taking breaks and your lunch do as you please,” he said, his spoon scraping the bottom of his bowl.

“Now that’s just sad.”

“I really should get another one of these,” he said, sucking the spoon.

“It’s really the only choice you have,” you said. He laughed as he hopped up, skirting back into the kitchen and fixing up another brownie and ice cream combo.

“Hey you want more, Dee?” he asked. You popped your head up and he spun around. “I’m-“

“Don't apologize, Jensen,” you said. He tapped his fingers against the counter and took a deep breath, putting his back to you.

“That’s the second time tonight I’ve done that,” he said. 

“Jensen. There’s nothing wrong with missing your wife.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“You don’t...talk about her much.”

“It was...she wasn’t…” he trailed off. He sat down on a barstool and you got up, walking over and hopping up on the counter beside him. You set your feet in the stool next to his and paused before you put a hand on top of his head and ran your fingers through the short strands. “This shouldn’t have happened to her.”

“Death is the price for living. Pain’s the price for caring. Doesn’t mean it’s not worth it,” you said. You started to move your hand away when he turned his head. 

“Don’t…” he said, easing when you played with it gently again. “That’s always calmed me down since I was a little kid.”

“Someone should take care of you every once in a while you know. Your parents, siblings, friends. Everyone needs a break.”

“I had a lot of help at the beginning. I don’t need a whole day. Just a moment here and there,” he said quietly.

“It’ll be okay, Jensen,” you said. He nodded and you played with his hair a few moments, watching his shoulders ease. This time when you pulled away he smiled up at you. “Better?”

“Yeah. Thank you. That’s not in your job description to do that sort of thing.”

“Well I think your wife would want somebody to watch your back, even for only a minute or two,” you said.

“You don’t have any brain aneurysms I should know about, do you?” he chuckled. 

“No. That what happened?” you asked, a single nod coming from him.

“She was sleeping. Not a bad way to go I was told, you’d never even know,” he said. “Not a fun thing to wake up to in the morning though.”

“My dad had a mass at the back of his head. It was that same kind of thing where one second it’s fine and the next everything’s different deal. It was inoperable. Then he goes and dies from a car accident of all things before it got bad. My mom had a hard time with that.”

“You said she had a boyfriend later on right?” he asked.

“Yeah. I know you’ll be okay, Jensen,” you said. You ruffled his hair and he smiled, a soft look on his face. “Pro tip too from someone who’s been there, kids with a single parent turn out just fine.”

“Do they ever wish they had another parent?” he asked.

“They wish the parent they still have around is happy again someday. They won’t understand until they’re older that it’s a different kind of love between parents. But they’ll know it’s a little different and they’ll hope dad feels better too. Your kids are tough. They’ll be okay too.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” he said. You hopped off the counter and washed up your dish, sticking it in the dishwasher before you went to leave for your room. “So I gotta ask. Who takes care of you?”

“Me?” you asked, pointing to yourself. He shrugged and smiled, your gaze going past him. “I’m all good. I don’t need somebody to take care of me.”

“Liar,” he said softly. “You know my friend tells me everybody needs to be taken care of sometimes.”

“That’s the difference between us Jensen. You’re not like me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed, his face scrunching up suddenly.

“It means you’re not on your own and even if you feel like it, it’s only been a little while. You’ll be okay. I’ve been taking care of myself since I was a kid. I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“You haven’t lived my life and I haven’t lived yours. Don’t try to tell me that I’m not capable of-”

“It’s not about what you’re capable of. You said pain is part of life, it’s the price for living. You’ve had more than your fair share-”

“Lots of people have it a lot worse.”

“Don’t compare your pain to someone else's. They haven’t lived your life,” he said. You rolled your eyes and started to walk away, Jensen out of his seat and catching up with you in the hall. “You can be taken care of too you know.”

“By who? My non-existent circle of friends? My crappy ex? My mom’s ex boyfriend who’s got his own wife and kids? I am perfectly fine managing all of this by myself. I’ve been doing it for years.”

“You’re so frustratingly annoying,” he said, running his hand over his face. “Me. I’m talking about me. You just...you took care of me tonight. The least I can do is show you the same compassion.”

“No,” you said.

“No? Why not?”

“Because taking care of me turns into you walking into my shower without my permission and you being a dick and this going away and I don’t want you to be those things so no. We’re getting too friendly. Please leave me alone tomorrow.”

You left him in the hall and went down to your area of the house, shutting the door after you. There was quickly a knock and you growled, ripping it open.

“What?” you snapped at him.

“I am not going to hurt you or be a dick to you or whatever else you think. You need to realize in the real world, not everyone is an asshole.”

“You’re the one not living in the real world then, Jensen. Everybody’s an asshole.”

“Fine. I’m an asshole. But I’m not leaving until you say I can take care of you tomorrow. Two minutes is all I’m asking for.”

“This is my part of the house.”

“And technically I am outside your door,” he said. “Why are you so resistant to somebody doing something nice for you?”

“Because I don’t wanna get used to it,” you said. He stared and you shook your head. “You’re attractive and an actor and kind and funny and it’s not a matter of if you date again but when and when that day comes, we ain’t gonna be sitting on the couch eating ice cream anymore. Please do not invite me to anymore outings as a friend. I’ll attend if required as a nanny but this between us is done.”

“For the record, the only one around here that thinks of you as just the hired help is you. My children are completely like their old selves. I feel more like my old self. You seem happier than when I met you but for some reason, that’s a big problem to you. I do not understand that.”

“Leave or I resign and move out first thing,” you said. He crossed his arms and lifted his chin. “This is my formal resignation then. The company will-”

He moved quickly and you weren’t sure what he was doing at first but soon you realized he was hugging you, your hands resting against his chest. You swallowed and he didn’t move, your forehead resting against him.

“What are you doing?” you breathed out.

“When’s the last time you got a fucking hug?” he asked.

“The kids-”

“Not the kids.”

“I don’t remember,” you said quietly. 

“Then you are overdue,” he said. You let yourself reach your arms around him and return the hug, breathing deeply, a small bubble in you rising up. You tried to push it down but it came back harder and you were fighting back tears before you knew it. 

He could feel when you lost that battle, hand rubbing up and down your back. There was a soft shushing in the air and after a few minutes you felt better. You lifted your head but didn’t look at him, Jensen squeezing you in his hug again before it eased.

“You know you’re not allowed to quit on me...like ever,” he chuckled. You let out a small laugh, Jensen smiling at you when you forced your head up. He wiped off your cheeks and you let out one last sniffle. “You’re not alone. I promise you’re not. It’s not the quantity of people you have in your life but the quality and I’m sorry but we are friends and there’s nothing you can do about that so I’d just accept it now.”

“I’m sorry I was such a bitch.”

“You were scared, not a bitch,” he said. “I wish I could make you happier is all.”

“I wish I could bring back your wife for you,” you said.

“One of those is a lot more possible than the other,” he said. A small smile crossed his lips before he ducked his head down, shoulders heaving back before his head raised. “Y/N, can I confess something to you? I hope...I hope it doesn’t bother you but if it does, you don’t have to continue working for me. I’d still like to be friends regardless.”

“What’s wrong?” you asked, Jensen looking past you.

“My single friend I was going to set you up with? He doesn’t exist.”

“Oh.”

“Cause he’s kinda me.”

“Oh,” you said, staring at him, a lot of his previous behavior starting to click into place. “That’s…”

“I know,” he said, stepping away and rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s weird and douchey and I’m sorry. I like you and I was trying to see if you would ever go for a 42 year old actor. I left out the widow and kids part but...I’m sorry.”

“When did you like me?” you asked quietly.

“The whole time?” he said, laughing nervously to himself. “It’s kinda snowballed since we met. I never in my life thought I’d like someone again. I didn’t want to like you. I hired you because you were the best candidate and I knew the kids would be in good hands but everyday it’s there, even more, and I know this is so inappropriate on so many levels and I’m really starting to ramble here but you make me think maybe your mom had a point and people are allowed to have...more than one…and sometimes the way you talk to me and treat me and look at me...” 

He swallowed as you stepped in front of him, taking a quick breath. 

“I will keep working for you and I’ll be your friend...and you can make me dinner tomorrow,” you said with a smile. “We’ll see where it goes from there?”

“You’re not...weirded out?” he asked.

“By your age, you’re my boss or the cheeky lying about a fake friend?” you said.

“All of the above.”

“Age doesn’t bother me. You have no idea how to be a boss, no offense, and the friend...I don’t blame you for wanting to test the waters first,” you said. “But I expect honesty from here on out.”

“Absolutely,” he said.

“Good,” you said.

“You do like me right?” he asked. “Like you don’t feel obligated or-”

“I like you Jensen. Why do you think I was trying to push you away before you got too close? I didn’t want to be hurt.”

“Give me a chance to not,” he said. “We can have dinner and see how it goes from there.”

“Normally the best course of action,” you said.

“But maybe with a few more hugs from now on,” he said. “For the both of us.”

“That’d be okay with me,” you said. He smiled and you returned it. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“I guess you will,” he said. He turned to go when he spun back on his heels. “Or we could go back out there, eat way too much dessert and hang out?”

“Yeah,” you said with a smile. “Give me a minute to wash up my face.”

“Take all the time you want. I’m gonna change into something more comfortable anyways.”

He left and you washed off your face in the bathroom, drying it off and taking a deep breath.

You did like him. There was something calming about him to you and you enjoyed his company, even if it was just the two of you having a quiet cup of coffee in the morning.

But he was an actor. And kinda famous. And a widow. And had three kids. 

“But your face is cute,” you said aloud, looking the mirror. “Gah, of course you have to be like...into me. Nutjob. He must be a nutjob. That’s it.”

“Y/N?” you heard him saying and you smacked yourself in the face. “Are you talking to yourself?”

“Uh, yeah,” you said, stepping out and seeing him in the hall sporting a pair of pajama pants and a t shirt. “That was fast.”

“Well I didn’t go through an eight step skin routine too,” he chuckled.

“For your information, my routine is only three steps,” you said, walking past him and waggling your fingers.

“I didn’t realize I was living with such a savage,” he said. You laughed and went back to the kitchen, making up another dish of brownie for him while he went over to where he kept his liquor. “You a bourbon kind of girl?”

“Is there any other kind?” you said.

“Touche.” He poured out two glasses and slid one over while you passed his bowl to him. “So what’s this three step routine? Do I need to up my game or what?”

“I think I need your routine, not the other way around,” you said.

“Nah. I like looking at your face more than mine. Trust me.”

“Oh. How long you been holding back those kinds of comments?” you teased.

“Longer than you’d think,” he said, sharing the bowl with you. “Feel okay now?”

“Yeah. I can’t remember the last time I cried,” you said. “Especially in front of someone.”

“A good cry session has never hurt in my experience. I’ll do it for work and stuff but normally I’m not much of one. Aside from the past six months I mean.”

“Are you ready to try this?” you asked.

“Yeah. I know I am,” he said. “I’m positive of it.”

“How can you know that?”

“Because you make me happy. You make me...want to do stuff again, believe in all the romantic...if I wasn’t ready, I’d feel guilty. But I don’t. I just know that maybe some people get more than one chance and maybe I’m one of them.”

“I know you are, whoever it ends up being,” you said.

“Are you ready to try this?”

You took a drink and bite of ice cream, pushing the bowl back.

“I miss my family,” you said. “I miss being happy. I’d like to...have someone that could take care of me for a moment every once in a while. I might mess that up sometimes but I’m willing to try.”

“Me too,” he said. “I’d expect some screw ups on this end too. I’ve been out of the dating game for a long time.��

“I’m sure it hasn’t changed all that much,” you said.

“Well I’ve never dated with kids and as a widow,” he said.

“I’m just in this for them to be honest,” you laughed. 

“I see how it is,” he said with a smirk. 

“I don’t think it’ll be as hard as you think,” you said.

“I hope not,” he said. 

“Do they know? You want to date?”

“JJ does,” he said. “She’s little but she understands that it doesn’t mean I’ll never love her mother any less. She’s been strangely okay through this whole thing aside from the first few weeks. She helps her brother and sister out more now.”

“As someone who was that kid, minus the siblings, I know they’ll be okay. She’s a great kid. I’ve met plenty of spoiled brats. Yours are not.”

“Well that might just be the second best thing I’ve heard tonight,” he said.

“Whatever was the first?” you teased, eating a spoon of ice cream.

“Oh I think you know,” he said, stealing the spoon back. You smiled and heard some feet run around upstairs before the stairs creeped and a little head ducked down into view. “Arrow. It’s bedtime sweetie.”

“I had a accident,” she said. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, honey,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”

“Want help?” you asked.

“Sure,” he said. He scooped up Arrow on the way up the stairs, setting her down in the kids bathroom. He got some clean pajamas and you found a pair of pull ups, Arrow pouting at you. 

“I don’t need ‘em,” she said.

“Your brother wears them. I wore them and your mommy and daddy wore them. Everybody wears pull ups when they’re your age,” you said.

“Just tonight,” she said, stepping into them. Jensen walked past with the mattress liner and she was dressed by the time you heard the washer going off in the distance. You walked her back to bed, Jensen slipping in past you and tucking her in. “Night daddy.”

“Night sweetie,” he said, kissing her temple. 

“Night Y/N,” she said.

“Night night kiddo,” you said, giving her a tiny wave before you left, Jensen flipping off her light and pulling the door shut. 

“Come here a second,” he said, nodding and you saw him head towards his room. The double doors were open and you stepped inside, Jensen going past the bed and over to a set of french doors. He pushed one open and waved for you to follow, showing you out to a rooftop balcony.

“Wow,” you said, a set of chairs, a table and a lounger out there along with a whole lot soft string lights. “I didn’t realize you had this up here.”

“Kinda a place to go unwind, relax,” he said. “I disappear out here sometimes. Been out here a lot at night lately.”

“Thinking about what?” you asked.

“You,” he said. “I talk to Dee about you sometimes as crazy as that sounds.”

“Doesn’t sound crazy at all,” you said.

“I just wanted to say...this area isn’t off limits anymore. Nothing is,” he said. 

“She asked you out, didn’t she,” you said with a smile. He rubbed the back of his neck and blushed. “You’re cute.”

You leaned up and kissed his cheek, heading back towards inside.

“Come on, Jensen. Before the ice cream melts on us.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 4 here!

[jostystyles]

ghostyjosty’s 2.2k writing challenge!

wow! thank you so much for 2.2k! it’s been such a wild ride and i’m so grateful for each and everyone of you! instead of a usual sleepover, I decided to celebrate this time around with a writing challenge! as much as i love writing, i love reading fic just as much. and what better way to kick off the holiday season with a holiday theme?

fic masterlist

rules:

pick up to 2 prompts/and or scenarios. i’m limiting these to 2 writers per prompt, so pick your favorites and make sure to check what’s taken! after that, write whatever your heart desires. canon, au, whatever you please!

send me an ask with what prompts you’d like, and who you’re writing for.

when your fic is done, tag me so I can add it to the master post!

there’s no word limit, write as much as you can! just be sure to mark it properly to avoid longposting.

i’m including holiday themed prompts, but by no means do you have to stay within that! you can stick with a regular theme if you wish.

tag your fics properly with warnings/triggers/tags etc

fics will be due on january 1st, 2022! I understand how busy this time is between finals and holidays so send them in before this date when you can!

fandoms:

nhl:

this is pretty much open to any player, im always looking for new people to read for. obviously, no players with controversy surroundings are allowed. if you request someone i have an issue with ill message you and ask you to change it!

outer banks:

jj maybank

john b routledge

pope heyward

sarah cameron

rafe cameron

kiara carrera

topper thornton

rudy pankow

drew starkey

prompts:

all from @creativepromptsforwriting

cold hands in warm hands

@jarmorie & nolan patrick

dancing with their hands holding onto each other

@princessphilly & jamie oleksiak

grabbing hand to show them something

holding hands while skating

@rosesvioletshardy & tyson jost

@sebbyaho & sebastian aho

smiling while kissing

@/fallinallincurls & mat barzal

passionate kisses

jaw kisses

"Is it ok if I kiss you?" "I would like that very much."

@sorryjustafangirl & bowen byram

“I've never thought I could fall in love with someone like you." “Because I'm a man?" “No, because I never liked your dog."

"I knew I would love kissing you, but it this was..." "Even better than the dream?" "Yes."

one gives the other a kiss on the cheek and the other one suddenly turns their head

“However many years we have left, I want to spend them all with you.”

@fallinallincurls & nathan mackinnon

“Do I really have to spell it out for you? I love you! Are you happy now?”

@mattyanonwrites & cale makar

“I don’t want this to ruin our friendship, but I just had to tell you.”

@/mattyanonwrites & cale makar

@tangercrosbyschultzfan25887 & chase elliot

scenarios:

also from @creativepromptsforwriting

Later they would say it was love at first sight, but both knew it was a long road they had to take to get here.

@tonyspep & jt compher

It was so typical. She couldn’t just go through life hating everyone. No, she had to fall in love with the most annoying guy, 10 things I hate about you style.

@/tonyspep @ erik johnson

It’s nice to see my whole family again but it would be even better if everyone stopped asking me if I’m in a relationship with my friend I brought with me.

@jackydrury & andrei svechnikov

@laurenairay & miro heiskanen

It’s still three weeks till Christmas but you’re already annoying me with your ugly sweaters, the bright lights and the songs you’re always humming. So please go away - but leave the cookies!

@calgarycanuck & tyson jost

You’re not a Christian and never celebrated the holidays, so I take you home with me to show you how I love to do Christmas.

@ilyasorokinn & elias petterson

We want to get a Christmas tree together but we have very different opinions on how the perfect Christmas tree looks.

We’re telling our children about our catastrophic first Christmas together.

@/tangercrosbyschultzfan25887 & kris letang

@teelagurl558 & jj maybank

It's the morning after a wild New Year's Eve party and there are quite a few regrets.

@starshine-hockey-girl & tyler seguin

5 times Person A woke up without Person B and one time they woke up together.

@nugnthopkns & ryan graves

5 times Person A thought they were in a relationship with Person B and one time Person B finally catches on that their own pining is definitely not unrequited.

5 times they told each other they would hate them and one time they finally told each other the truth.

@lam-ila & matthew tkachuck

Person A needs a partner for an upcoming event and it’s a spur of the moment decision, but they ask their friend with benefits to go with them.

@glitterandpankow & rudy pankow

@/teelagurl558 & jj maybank

Person A is leading Person B on a wild scavenger hunt to all the places that mean something to them. At the end they propose.

@/rosesvioletshardy & tyson jost

After spending Hanukkah with the parents and then Christmas with the in-laws is a lot of fun and full of love, but it’s also nice to finally have some alone time as a couple.

@/princessphilly & josh anderson

💚❤️

[honeypiehotchner]

intelligence & issues (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- chapter eighteen

Helloooo I almost posted this yesterday as a thank you gift and then I totally got caught up in schoolwork. Gotta love finals season am I right

Anywho, thank y’all so much for 1.7k followers <3 Here’s a long ass chapter that’s a good ol’ mix of fluff and angst xx.

Chapter Warnings: waking-up-together kinda fluff, no sexytimes but there are some ~suggestive~ comments of course, ANGST at the end (i’m so sorry), the end of this case is very near on the horizon

Previous chapter || Fic Masterlist

Aaron wakes you when his first alarm goes off at 5a.m. It’s way too fucking early in your opinion, but you know he wants you to have time to go back to Emily and JJ’s room to get ready for the day.

Still, being woken by a kiss on your forehead is something you can see yourself getting used to. Not to mention using his chest as a pillow all night.

You tilt your head to capture his lips in a sweet kiss, not caring that the both of you probably have disgusting morning breath right now.

He pulls away first, nudging your nose with his before he rests his forehead on yours, looking deep into your eyes. “Good morning, sweet girl.”

You can’t help the smile that splits your lips. “Good morning.” You close your eyes in your flustered state, burying your face down into his chest. “I don’t want to leave.”

“I want you to stay,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “But we’ve got a job to do.”

“I know,” you sigh, opening your eyes to bring yourself back to reality. Then, you hook your arms around his neck, starting to grin. “Same thing tonight?”

He smirks, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Depends on how much of a good girl you are today.”

“Ooh, a challenge,” you tease. “I dunno…I’m feeling pretty bratty this morning.”

You feel his arm tighten around your shoulders, drawing you closer to him in warning.

“I’m just teasing,” you murmur, propping your chin on his chest, giving him your best eyes.

But he isn’t fazed. “I know. I’m keeping track.”

So, naturally, you pout. “Fine.”

“Strike two.”

“I have a feeling this isn’t like baseball. Three strikes and I’m out?”

“Are you trying to find out?”

“Mm, maybe?” You grin, but, as always, the FBI Agent part of your brain comes back to life. “If we didn’t have to be downstairs soon, I’d say yes. But I probably should go get dressed.”

“Understood,” Aaron replies, a small grin on his lips too. “I suppose even as your boss, I can’t keep you here.”

“As my boss, we’re technically not even supposed to be in the same bed together,” you remind him with a snort, but seriousness comes over him. “What?”

“We still need to talk,” he says quietly. “Really talk about this, but right now I just want you to know...I don’t regret this. I want this. No matter the consequences.”

“Me too,” you whisper, fingernails gently scratching the base of his skull, your weak attempt at comfort. “Do you think there’ll be consequences?”

He sighs, and you rise and fall with his chest. “I don’t know.” He pauses. “If Strauss finds out somehow, maybe. I don’t know if keeping it from her until she inevitably finds out is better than telling her ourselves, but…”

“We’ll figure it out,” you assure him with a small smile. “But you wanna do this?”

Instead of answering you verbally, he pulls you closer for a soothing kiss, coaxing all your worries away.

“I want to do this,” he says, knowing you need to hear the words from his voice.

“Okay,” you murmur, taking a deep breath. “What do we do about the team?”

His eyebrows furrow. “What about them?”

You give him a tired look. “Come on. They know.”

“What?” He blurts, sitting up a little, taking you with him. “Rossi knows.”

“And Emily and JJ and Garcia,” you chuckle. “I didn’t even tell them. Emily saw us at dinner one night. JJ figured it out from the phone call a few days ago. Garcia just...knows.”

“What about Morgan and Reid?”

“Are you kidding me? Morgan knows. Have you seen how he irritates the shit out of me every day?”

“Exactly,” Aaron says. “He does it every day.”

“Have you noticed how he’s been doing it especially when you’re around?” You raise an eyebrow. “Come on, you’re our supervisor! I thought you were a better profiler than that!”

“We have a rule not to profile each other,” he says sternly, obviously a little butthurt that he didn’t see that everyone else knew.

“A rule that none of us stick to, by the way,” you laugh. “We just don’t voice it. But we do. Trust me.”

“I didn’t think you’d figured that out yet,” he admits.

“Eh,” you shrug. “It wasn’t hard. I caught myself profiling everyone. I figured I couldn’t be the only one who does it by accident.”

Aaron only smiles. He’s amazed by you every single day. Sometimes he wonders if you even know how intelligent you are. If you even know the full scope of your mind. Maybe you don’t, maybe no one does.

“But anyway,” you swerve back on track. “I feel like it should be unspoken, but just...no PDA, you know? It’s fine that they know because honestly I think they knew before we knew, but let’s not make it a big deal.”

“Agreed,” he nods. “We still need to be professional.”

“Exactly,” you breathe, glad to be on the same page.

His second alarm goes off, the one for 5:30, and you groan, dropping your forehead to his chest.

“Why does it have to be so early?” You mutter, your lips brushing against his skin as you speak. It sends a hot wave through him, one that causes him to promptly shift your body off of him. “What are you doing?”

“You need to go get dressed,” he says. “And if you stay here wrapped around me any longer, I won’t be able to let you leave.”

You grin. “Point taken.”

You roll off the mattress, fully aware that he’s looking at your ass, and at your entire body, marveling at the way you look in his shirt.

“Oh,” you say, doing a dramatic turn, watching his eyes very quickly move back to your face. “Do you have any boxers? I probably shouldn’t walk down the hall in just a shirt.”

He’s scrambling for a pair of his boxer briefs, the thought of anyone else seeing you just like this making his blood boil frighteningly fast.

“Thanks,” you smirk when he hands them to you. And you put them on in front of him, partly for a show and partly because the look he was giving you demanded it. “I’ll see you in an hour or so?”

He nods. “Try not to spend too much time gossiping.”

“Oh, please,” you shake your head. “They’re getting all the details.”

You’re out the door before he can even catch you, and you just know you’re going to get it later.

+++

Emily and JJ are on you as soon as you open the door, both of them dressed and ready, arms folded over their chests like Moms whose daughter stayed out too late last night.

In a way, that’s completely accurate.

“And where have you been?” JJ asks, fully entering her Mom persona.

“Uhm, a friend’s house?” You play along, trying to inch your way to the bathroom.

But Emily knows your move, and stands in front of the bathroom door. “Is this friend named Aaron?”

“...maybe.”

And the façade falls, because they both cheer, pulling you into a hug.

“Finally!” Emily screams.

“Finally, what?” You laugh. “The night before I was also in his room.”

“Oh, we know,” JJ assures you.

“Finally, you admit it,” Emily clarifies. “So...details?”

“So...we have to be downstairs soon and I need to get dressed,” you walk past them to your bag. After grabbing your clothes, you turn back around to find them still staring at you. “What?”

“You’re in his shirt,” JJ says, still smiling.

“And boxers,” you laugh, pulling the hem of his t-shirt up a little. “Guys, don’t make this a big thing.” You pause, heading toward the bathroom. “He was a little upset that I knew everyone knew, and he didn’t.”

“How did he not?” Emily scoffs. “He can be so dense.”

You shake your head, shutting the bathroom door to get dressed.

When you emerge from the bathroom, now dressed and looking more presentable, Emily and JJ are finally getting ready, too. They still watch you like a pair of hawks stalking prey, though. You just hope they won’t make any comments later.

That’s wishful thinking and you know it. But hopefully the comments will be held in at least until you’re all on the jet, heading back to Virginia.

+++

When you walk out of the elevator with Emily and JJ, you find Hotch standing with Rossi, the former looking much more grave than you left him. And he’s on the phone.

“Shit,” you mutter under your breath, picking up the pace. You glance at Hotch, silently asking, and he nods. “There’s another body,” you fill in Emily and JJ, ignoring the strange look that Rossi gives you.

Once Hotch hangs up, he looks immediately at you. “There’s two bodies. Male and female.”

“What?” Emily blurts. “In the same location?”

He nods. “Same house.”

About this time, Morgan and Reid step out of the elevator, jogging over when they see the team’s faces.

“What’s going on?” Morgan asks.

“Two bodies this time, same house, male and female,” you explain briefly.

Hotch jumps in. “JJ: you, Reid, and Y/N head over to the precinct and get Garcia on the phone. Get her to find everything she can on these new victims.”

You nod, glad he’s not sending you to see anymore bloodied bodies. Just the thought has a chill running down your spine.

You don’t want to admit it, but it’s hard not to picture Trevor’s face. It’s hard not to feel the thrill of the possibility of revenge. But you know that’s only the irrational part of your brain. You know you wouldn’t really act on those thoughts.

But they’re still there.

+++

Back at the precinct, you’re dialing Garcia and stirring a cup of shitty coffee. When she picks up, she sounds about as frizzed as you feel.

“Good morning, my angel sent from Heaven,” she sings, sounding far too bright for seven in the morning. “What can I do you for?”

“Good morning,” you chuckle. “We’ve got two new victims.”

“Mm, I know,” she groans, and you begin to hear typing. “Morgan texted me their names, I was waiting for your call.”

“Yep, we just need you to work your magic, that’s all.”

“That I can do,” she replies, no doubt through a smile. “Speaking of magic…”

You already know where this is heading. “Seriously? Who told you?”

“JJ and Emily texted me,” Garcia admits. “But you know I was going to weasel it out of you eventually, anyway!”

“Yes, I know,” you roll your eyes, tossing the coffee stirrer and empty cream and sugar packets in the trash. “Listen, how about this: Once this case is over, we’ll all have a girl’s night at my place with a bunch of junk food and wine, and I’ll give all the details -- whatever they might be at that point.”

You can’t let yourself believe that you’ll still be together because who knows what could happen. Anything could happen. The universe has a bad habit of getting in the way of your love life.

“You know the way to my heart,” Garcia sighs dreamily. “It’s a date. Speaking of dates, it looks like our two victims were married.”

“Married?” You nearly yell. Talk about a plot twist. “And the guy brought our unsub home for a one-night stand?”

“Looks that way so far,” Garcia says with a grimace. “Caroline Merritt, 35, was the CEO of her own company and traveled a lot. It looks like she changed flights yesterday and landed around eleven p.m. She checked her car out of the airport parking lot at eleven forty-five.”

“Great, so she might’ve walked in on our unsub.” You rub your forehead from the stress. “What about the other victim?”

“Jasper Rhodes was 34 and a part-time worker at the local Walmart,” Garcia lists off. “They had been married for three years, but Caroline never changed her last name.”

“Don’t exactly blame her,” you remark. “Alright, which one had allegations?”

“I’m about to burst your bubble, babycakes. Neither of them.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Garcia echoes, just as solemn. “Caroline has a squeaky clean record, aside from one speeding ticket when she was seventeen for going forty-five in a school zone. Jasper also has a clean slate for a record, but he does have one DUI from when he was twenty-two. Nothing else since.”

“It’s been twelve years, so for all we know, he could be sober for a decade now,” you mutter. “Okay. Do they have any connection at all to our other victims? Please say yes.”

“Cross referencing as we speak,” Garcia says, typing furiously. “Almost done… Negative,” she sighs. “I’m sorry, babe.”

“Don’t be sorry,” you shake your head. “Thank you for being such a wizard, as always.”

“It’s my specialty,” she quips. “So...do I get some details about you and Hotch now?”

“Goodbye Garcia…” You chuckle, ending the call before she can ask anything else.

You walk back into the conference room, shaking your head sadly at JJ who looks up with hopeful eyes.

“Garcia found virtually nothing. Caroline got a speeding ticket at seventeen, and Jasper a DUI at twenty-two. Nothing since. And no connection to any of our other victims,” you relay the information, ending it with a sip of your coffee.

“This unsub is good,” JJ says, exasperated. “How is she always three steps ahead of us?”

“She’s not, really,” Reid says, and you can feel something else coming on. “It’s like she knows we’re closing in on her, so she’s going after those who have no reported allegations. She’s not as far ahead as we think, but maybe that’s what she wants us to think.”

“Reid, dude, you’re sounding like a fortune cookie right now,” you laugh. “I get where you’re going with this. But unless they find some DNA at the crime scene, we’re back to square one again.”

“Maybe…” He trails away, getting up to look at the map.

Something is going on in his head, but you’re not sure what. He’ll tell you when he’s finished with it, you’re sure.

In your pocket, your phone starts buzzing. Thinking it’s Garcia, you pull it out and answer without looking, but Garcia’s voice isn’t what you hear on the other end.

“I’m heading back to the precinct,” Hotch says.

“O...kay,” you furrow your eyebrows, mouthing, ‘Hotch’ to JJ. “Why just you?”

“I need to show you something,” he says slowly, like he’s struggling to get the words out. “The unsub left a note.”

“What does it say?” You ask, wondering why it’s like pulling teeth to get him to speak.

“It’s addressed to you,” he finally says, and all the blood drains from your body. “It’s in an envelope and sealed. Your… Your name is on the front.”

You’re not sure what to make of that at all.

“Okay,” you say, your brain unable to really process it. “Okay, we’ll look at it when you get here.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Aaron,” you whisper, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Don’t say that to me. You’re scaring me.” You pause. “What are you sorry for?”

“For this note,” he replies, voice quiet. “For this unsub targeting you, and now for scaring you.”

“What does the note say?”

“I don’t know,” he says. “I didn’t open it.”

“Okay. Just...hurry, I guess.”

“I’m turning into the parking lot now.”

“Okay, see you in a sec,” you murmur, ending the call.

You look up from the phone to find both JJ and Reid staring at you, concern swimming deeply in their eyes. You don’t even have the energy to offer them a reassuring smile. Nothing about this is comfortable for you.

Why would the unsub leave a note addressed to you?

Hotch walks through the precinct doors a few moments later, a man on a mission as he walks directly to the conference room. You’re explaining to JJ and Reid about the note when he walks in, and you fall silent upon seeing him.

He hates that he even called you to warn you, but he had to do something. His mind was racing on the drive. He had to hear your voice, and he knew you were bound to ask why he was coming back on his own, what’s so urgent, so he knew he’d have to tell you.

But the fear in your eyes right now is something he never wants to see again. Ever.

“Where is it?” You say, your voice wavering.

Slowly, Hotch pulls the envelope out of his jacket pocket. It’s in a plastic bag, which is standard protocol for evidence, and you begin searching for a pair of gloves.

You find a pair and start to slip them on, grimacing at the way your hands shake, and using your peripheral vision to see that Aaron is watching you closely.

Once you’re gloved up, he hands you the plastic bag. It feels much heavier than it should.

Carefully, you pull out the envelope, swallowing down the nausea you’re feeling. As Hotch said, your name -- Agent Y/N L/N -- is scrawled on the front in messy handwriting. Fortunately, Reid can examine that, and this letter if it’s handwritten.

You break the seal on the envelope, flinching slightly, and ignoring that you did. But Aaron saw it.

You pull out the note and half of you cries in relief because it is handwritten, and the other half of you feels sheer terror because your business card is taped to the top left hand corner.

“Shit,” you cuss, closing your eyes.

“What?” Aaron asks, taking a step closer, lowering his head to meet your eye level.

“My business card,” you say, opening your eyes again, hating the way things look blurry for a moment. JJ and Reid are just fuzzy figures at the table when you look around the room. “It could’ve been anyone at the meetings. I handed my card to as many that would take it. There’s no way I’ll remember everyone, or even half of them, I mean, I ran out of cards, I had to go stand by Morgan because--”

“Okay, okay, slow down,” Aaron stops you, putting both hands on your arms. “Look at me, please.”

Slowly, the world comes back into focus and you meet his brown eyes, finding your peace there like you have so many other times before. You focus on the weight of his hands on your arms, grounding you, bringing you back.

“I know it’s difficult,” he says. “But you need to breathe.”

You nod, sucking in a deep breath a little too abruptly, not even realizing you had been taking shallow breaths in the first place.

“Good girl,” he whispers, so low that he’s almost mouthing it, careful not to let JJ or Reid hear. And it’s not sexual or sensual this time. It’s comforting. “Can you read the rest of it?”

You nod. “I can help you end your suffering. I can help you avenge. I can help you heal. It doesn’t have to be this way.” You pause, looking up from the note, looking between Hotch, JJ, and Reid. “What does that even mean?”

“Did you talk about your experience during the meetings?” Reid asks.

“A little bit, but I barely scratched the surface of it,” you admit. “And I didn’t mention any names. I might hate him, but...I’d never send a serial killer after him.”

“I know,” Hotch says. “We’re not accusing you of that,” he adds gently. “It’s clear our unsub feels a connection to you now. Something you said must’ve resonated deeply with her.”

“But all I said was that he was my fiancé and that I didn’t report him, so that still gets us nowhere. She’s still a ghost.”

“She’s not a ghost,” he says sternly. “We will find her. You’ve already seen her once.”

“Yeah, but I don’t remember seeing her, Hotch.”

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is she’s reaching out. Which means we’re close.”

“Not close enough,” you protest, tossing the letter back on the plastic bag on the table. “I need to take a walk.” You move toward the door, and he’s following you, so you add quietly, “Alone, please.”

Hotch nods, and watches you go, more worried than he’s ever been in his life.

+++

When Rossi, Emily, and Morgan return to the police precinct, they spot you sitting alone on a bench outside the front doors.

“I got this,” Morgan says, hopping out of the car and heading to you, gesturing for Rossi and Emily to head inside. They share a look and nod, disappearing into the precinct to leave Morgan alone with you.

You don’t even look up from your hands when you see Morgan coming over from your peripheral vision.

“What’s up, kiddo?” He asks, standing in front of you.

“I’m really not in the mood right now, Derek.”

“Too bad,” he shrugs, sitting next to you on the bench, stretching his arm out behind you. “What’s going on? You know I’m just gonna keep buggin’ you until you tell me.”

You snort. “I know.”

“So…” He pauses. “Tell me. It’ll save us both a whole lotta time. And it’ll save you a whole lotta stress, sittin’ there with all that in your head.”

You know he’s right. And you know he’s the only one who really gets it.

So, you tell him what’s wrong.

“The unsub left that note just for me. My card was taped to it, Morgan.”

“And?”

“What do you mean and? It means I laid eyes on her, maybe talked to her, handed her my fucking card, and I still didn’t know it was her.”

“We’re not superhuman, Y/N. We only see what they show us. She probably put on a mask while talking to you.”

“Well now she’s still out there--”

“Listen to me. I ran out of cards too, remember? We started using yours. I easily could’ve given her your card. Hell, I was there with you, I probably looked at her a dozen times, too. Are you gonna yell at me for not recognizing her?”

“No--”

“Then stop doing it to yourself, you hear me?”

“I just… She feels a connection to me. What does that say about me?”

“That you’re a relatable person,” Derek offers, causing you to glare at him. “Hey,” he raises a hand in surrender. “I’m just being logical. It doesn’t say anything about you. Because a serial killer’s view of you is not who you are. You are who you are.”

“Thanks for the fortune cookie.”

“Don’t get that tone with me, kid,” he replies tiredly. “You know you’re not really mad at me, so don’t take it out on me, okay?”

“I know, I’m sorry,” you rub your forehead. “I’m just…”

“It’s not your fault, Y/N.”

“I know that.”

“I know you know that, but you still need to hear it,” he says. “And I’ll always be here to tell you, got that?”

You look over at him with a small smile. “Got it.”

He smiles too, glad to see you’re feeling better. He shoves your shoulder lightly, playfully. “Come on. Let’s get back in there.”

“Yeah,” you nod, standing up.

He walks ahead, but you stay still, wondering if you should even ask what you’re about to ask. But Derek notices your hesitation and turns back around, studying you.

“Spit it out,” he says, knowing there’s something.

“The unsub is trying to talk to me,” you say, shrugging your shoulders nonchalantly. “So...what if we set up a trap.”

“What?” Morgan deadpans, raising his eyebrows, turning his body to completely face you.

“What if we--”

“Use you as bait?” Morgan finishes, incredulity coating his words.

You nod. “I wasn’t going to word it like that, but--”

He scoffs, looking more and more pissed off as the seconds go on. “Hell no. Are you outta your damn mind?”

“No, I’m not. I’m--”

“No,” he stops you, holding up his hand, pointing at you. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence. Don’t go there. We will find this unsub, and we will do it without you sacrificing yourself.”

“I wouldn’t be sacrificing myself!” You protest. “You guys would be there. You’d have my back.”

“We can’t predict everything this unsub will do, Y/N, you know that,” Morgan fires back. “And I’ll be damned if I let you throw yourself into danger like this. It’s not happening. You hear me?”

SIghing, you nod. “I hear you.”

“Have you even told Hotch about this?”

“No.”

“Good. Don’t,” Morgan replies. “You’ll just get a lecture and you and I both know you don’t need that right now.”

“I know.”

He pauses, shaking his head. He steps forward, wrapping you in a hug, eyes closing when he feels you burying your face in his neck. “I love you, kid,” he whispers. “And I know it’s hard, but you got this, we got this. And it’s gonna be okay. Okay?”

“Okay,” you nod into his neck, taking a deep breath. “Yeah.”

Next chapter

[lennydaisy]

EPIPHANY SERIES // OUTER BANKS // CHAPTER SEVEN.

(n.) a moment when you suddenly feel that you understand. or suddenly become conscious of something that is very important to you.

               “Care to seize the day, my friend?”

   Outer Banks 

                                                     Season 1 - 

                       FEM OC! x ??

Here is a link to CHAPTER SIX incase you missed and also the SERIES MASTERLIST. Hope you enjoy :)

Also TW, there is quite a few swear words in this chapter.

I feel like I've been in this situation before. Correction. I have most definitely been in this situation before.

One day, just one day, I would like to just come home, kick my feet up and not have to be lectured about the decisions I make.

Do I make the best decisions? No. We established this ages ago, some people really need to get with the times. And you would think that John B, my literal twin of all people, would know me by now, but clearly not.

My cycle back to the chateau was a thoughtful one. Why is everyone being so weird today? It's barely even noon and I've already had enough human interaction to last me the rest of the week. 

"Ugh, why are you all here?" I sigh, swinging open the mesh door to spot them all sitting around my house. Don't these people have better things to do, they have their own houses, why can't we hang out there instead?

The look on Pope's face who is sitting on the green couch with his elbows on his knees is enough for me to already know what happened, "Why?"

"They peer-pressured me, okay," Pope finally lets out in a quick breath, "Kie can be very threatening when she wants to be."

"You're suppose to be on my side, Pope" I remind him, throwing my backpack in the corner, kicking off my shoes before plopping myself down on the floor.

"We're suppose to be a team," John B corrects me, pushing himself of the wall he was leaning on walking closer to me, "Why did you go to Mrs Grubbs house without telling me? Without telling us?" He asks, gesturing to the rest of the Pogues who look at me in anticipation for my answer.

"Do you want me to answer that honestly?"

"Preferably, yes!" John B exclaims, his hands slapping against his sides as he nods his head.

"You're not the best people person, okay John B. You just march up to people with no filter and expect them to give you what you want," I stare him in the eyes as I confess, "Mrs Grubbs husband just died yesterday. What were you going to do? March in there and demand a sobbing women whose under duress to give you answers?"

"She does have point," Kie adds after a few minutes of silence, "you're not the best at reading the room, John B."

Why did that seem a bit more personal than what I said?

"Okay enough of John B's lack of empathy for other people," JJ chips in, wanting to put an end to the conversation, "What happened at Mrs Grubbs house, May?"

"I already told you what happened?" Pope's head flies in JJ's direction.

"You told me the safe for work version. I want the really stuff Pope. The not so safe for work stuff," JJ winks causing Kie to groan in disgust and I roll my eyes playfully at the boy.

"Long story short:," I start, mindlessly playing with a thread on my shorts, "Pope and I go Mrs Grubbs house. We hear shouting, crying, banging. Two seconds later these two guys walk out and we go to check on Mrs Grubbs who is sobbing on the ground with her house trashed."

"Shit," Kie whispers under her breath at the scenario that I had just shortly painted out for them.

"I think we should file a police report," Pope lets out, looking in my direction but I just shake my head, "You heard what she said Pope, no cops."

"I think if there is two men going around beating up widowed women, we should report it to the cops," Kie exclaims, taking the side of Pope.

If this was any other situation I would be the first to side with Pope in going to the cops, but right now myself and John B have to stay out of any trouble if we don't want ourselves landed in foster care. These men are dangerous, they proved that themselves, not only after raiding Mrs Grubbs home, but also by shooting at us the other day on the marsh. We can't go to the cops, not yet at least.

"Macy's right," John B surprisingly agrees with me, "If we go to the cops, it's just going to cause more trouble than it's worth."

"Why were they at Mrs Grubbs house in the first place?" JJ asks and this question hangs in the air for a few minutes.

Guess it's time to confess.

"They were looking for this," I answered quietly, pulling out the compass from my backpack behind me.

It's a beautiful compass. Solid gold. Was it real gold? Probably not, but with the way that my dad babied this thing like a real life child, it might as well of been. I remember when I would sneak into his office at night I would always catch him polishing it and smiling at is own reflection on its back.

I remember him telling be about the back of the compass-

"I told you not to touch this Mason," the compass is snatched out of my hands before I could voice my sudden thought. John B now holding the compass in his hands as he inspected it for any damages. I'm not that untrustworthy, am I?

"And I thought you learned years ago that I never really listen to you," I shrug, trying not to act like the compass being snatched away from me hurt my feelings. It was my dad's compass too, not just John B's. And before he gives me that bullshit of 'Oh it has been passed down the male generation for centuries' bullshit, I think he needs to remember that dad didn't pass it down to him yet.

"And you," John B points a fingers a JJ who is still leaning again the fireplace with an unlit cigarette in this mouth, "You told me that you had it."

"Well, that's because I knew May wouldn't listen to you and I didn't want you to blow up on her like you are kinda doing right now," JJ shrugs, watching as I fiddle with the bracelet on my wrist.

"So you trust JJ more with our dad's compass than you do with me?" I mutter out, refusing to look up at John B.

"Hey, what's that suppose to mean?!"

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Whatever," I whisper, not wanting to argue with John B anymore. It feels like that's all we do now a days. Ever since dad went missing, John B has been funny with me. I know it's typical for brothers and sisters to not get along all the time, but that was never John B and I. I could tell John B anything and him the same. We were two peas in a pod. Stuck together for life.

I know its bad for me to think this, but I feel as though John B blames me for our dad going missing and I don't know why. It's just a feeling that I can't shake away.

It's a stressful time for us. With the DCS threatening to come, Peterkins constantly on our backs, our dad's compass appearing on a dead mans boat. I have so many questions, but so little answers.

I know one place that can give me answers.

Without saying a word, I push myself up off the floor and make my way through the house. I couldn't help but let out a little laugh as I heard the stampede of feet following behind me.

"Look, Macy, I'm sorry okay. I'm just under a lot of-"

"Would you shut up for just one minute, John B," I interrupt his apology. He doesn't need to apologse to me, I get it. I know what he is going through. But I just wish that he would understand that I am going through the exact same thing that he is.

He was my dad too.

"I forgive you, okay?" I assure him, holding my hand out for him to shake, call it weird but we call it a truce. An end to any stupid fighting that we have.

Nodding his head with that same dumb smile that has never changed from when we were kids, "Oh and if you are looking for the key," he starts pointing to the door that I was making my way towards, "give up, I already tried-"

"Cleary not hard enough," JJ laughs as he watch me jump to reach the top of the door frame where my fingers graze against the all too familiar key. I could help but snicker at John B's face as I unlock and the push the door to my dads office open.

Just as I left it.

If there was one place that made me feel the safest in the world, it was this room. I remember complaining to my dad to crack open a window because as you can imagine, a man curled up in this not exactly spacious room, sweating over research papers and figures, it tends to gather up quite the smell. If anything now, the smell gives me comfort more than ever. This office is well lived in for sure. Endless night of watch the light dance from under the door letting me know that he was still awake and working away. I would always walk in, a cup of coffee in hand, sitting myself in the wore leather chair in the corner as I listened to my dad ramble like a mad man about a sunken ship and it's missing treasure.

I still visit this office, even after my dad went missing. He might not be here in person, but something about reading his chicken scratch writing scribbled on pages upon pages for research puts me at ease. My dad has put so much time and energy into his research about the Royal Merchant and has been doing so since I was learning to walk. It has always fascinated him. The story of the phantom boat with £500 million in gold just suck to bottom of the ocean. Hearing story after story, you begin to find yourself entranced with the idea of the boat yourself.

My dad didn't do all this research to just go missing at sea. That's how I know he'll be back. He'll come back. Back to this office where he will tell me the other theories that he has thought up on his long, long journey.

Whilst he has been gone, I have been keeping myself busy. I've been preparing for the debates that I will have with him. I have all my facts compiled up in a neatly written notepad that is sitting patiently on his desk. I can hear him now, 'If only you put this much effort into your actual school work, Ladybug.'

'But my teachers aren't as interesting as you.'

"It stinks in here," Kie complains, holding her hand over her nose as she looks around the disaster zone that is my dad's office.

"Welcome to our dad's cave," John B jokes as he looks about the room himself. John B has never been really interested in our fathers research about merchants and the Royal Merchant itself. John B use to laugh when I would say 'The day we find that gold, you aren't getting any of it for being such a debbie downer.' But, dad, being the mediator as always, would reassure John B that when we found the gold he would get his share.

"All of our dads research about the merchant is in here," I explain to our group of friends whose face seem to be confused as they look around the office, "It's mostly untouched," I laugh to myself.

I watch as Pope circle around the back of my dad's desk and picks up the notebook that is placed neatly on the endless piles of papers, 'Macy's Merchant Research,' "It's for when he gets back," I smile at Pope who looked confused at the title, but a tight smile twitches onto his face at my comment.

Feeling a hand clasp on my shoulder, I look round to see JJ nodding his head at me, asking me if I'm okay. I nod back with a smile, not understanding why I wouldn't be.

"Here, take a look at this," John B say's catching out attention, placing down the bulletin board on the table that is littered with books and loose paper, "This must be the original owner," John B reasons, pointing at the picture pinned to the top of the board.

Looking at me for confirmation, I nod my head reading out the name written beside it, "Robert Q. Routledge," I tapped on the picture that showed a man wearing the compass in question.

"There's your lucky compass," JJ points out, peering at the picture from over my shoulder, his hand still resting there from earlier.

"I wouldn't say lucky," I tilt my head, "he was shot after he bought it."

The sound of JJ sucking air through his teeth cause me to giggle a little, noticing the boy tense up at what he now probably believes was an inappropriate comment to make. I pat his hand on my shoulder letting him know that it was okay, it's not like I personally knew the guy anyways.

Before I could read out the next name, I let out a groan at the all to familiar noise. Just ignore it Mason. It's only a stupid roster, that never shuts the fuck up, but it's fine, really.

"It was then shipped to Henry," I started looking back at the board again, "Henry died in a crop-dusting ancient days after having the compass."

This isn't beginning to sound very good, especially considering that we now have the compass in our possession. I'm sure we'll be fine.

"After he died, Stephen was next. He died in Vietnam with the compass."

"Let me guess," JJ rests his chin on my shoulder, looking at me through the side of his eyes, "he died in action?"

"No, uh," I know I shouldn't laugh, but come on, "he was actually killed by a banana truck," can you really blame me. A banana truck of all things.

"Wait, how do you know so much about these guys?"John B looks at me in a daze after the information that seemed to be all new to him.

"I dunno," I shrugged, "Dad told me."

"Anyways," looking at the final picture pinned to the board, I couldn't stop the wave of emotions that flushed over me, "Our dad was the next one to have the compass."

"There seems to be a reoccurring theme here," JJ plays dot the dots with the information that he just now learned. Turning to watch me walk over to sit down on my dads chair with an offend look in his eye's as if to say 'how dare I not stand there forever and let him lean on me.'

"You guys have a death compass."

"No, we do not."

"Yes you do, get rid of it."

Ignoring the bickering boys, I quietly take the compass out of John B's back pocket, twirling it around in my hand. Twirling it a few more times before stopping, looking at the back of the compass where the metal seems to be more worn out than the rest.

The compartment. How could I forget.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Kie crouches down beside my chair, watching as I twist the back off of the compass. Kie's question seemed to catch the bickering boys attention as they all stop to see what I was doing.

"I remember in history class," I start, grinding my teeth at the feeling of the old metal rubbing against each other in an unsatisfying way, "Mr. Sunn mentioned how soldiers use to have little compartments in the back of their compasses, y'know to keep notes and stuff in."

"You actually pay attention in history class?" JJ raises his eyebrows at me as he leans back against the desk, not believing for a second that I sometimes willingly pay attention in class.

I do. Sometimes. Just not all the time.

At least I don't fall asleep or ditch class like John B and JJ, for one I would get caught and in trouble straight away. Plus, I don't think my dad would be very happy if both his children didn't end up with the bare minimum of an education. Someone has to be the smart twin. And with only two options, and John B displaying time and time again how much of a bimbo he is, that only leaves me. God help us all.

"Sometimes," I shrug, smiling in triumph when I finally get the lid off the compass, shaking out the little metal holder.

"What's that?" Kie questions point towards the writing, or more like carving into the compass.

That wasn't there before. At least I don't think it was.

"That's dad's handwriting," I hold the compass out for John B to take a hold of and look. John B squints a little at the writing before nodding in agreement.

"How are you be sure?" Pope objects, finding it hard to believe that we could recognise our dad's writing so quickly. I did say earlier that his writing is that of a chicken scratch.

Speaking of chicken scratching. If that rooster goes off one more time, I'm putting it up for adoption. Noris can go and annoy someone else.

"Because he can't write the letter R like a normal person," John B says, passing me back the compass. It might be a simple act. He just handed me something back. But it makes me smile because it shows that John B is hopefully starting to trust me when it comes to finding out what happened to our dad.

"Can I see it?" JJ asks, holding his hand out for the compass and I carefully place it in the palm of his hand. I couldn't help but snigger as I watch the boy squint at the compass, his nose all scrunched up as he tried to read my dad's writing, "Red- Rout- R,"

"No, I think that's an 'A'," I reason, stretching my neck up to look at the compass again. Noticing my uncomfortable position, JJ hands me back the compass.

"It says Redfield," Kie interrupt softly, a smile on her face when JJ and I turn to look at her before we look back at each other, nodding our heads in agreement.

"Right, right."

"Yeah, I total see that."

"Shut up, you thought it had an 'A' in it."

"Roug- roug- rou," I start to mimic JJ's attempt at the word a few minutes ago, stuttering over my words like he was. Not finding my joke to be very funny, JJ reached over a pulled me out of my chair, locking my head between this arm as he rubbed his knuckles on the top of my head. I hate when he does that.

"JJ," I shriek, wiggling to escape his lock around my neck. Surprisingly enough, JJ lets up quicker than usually, but instead of letting me return back to the chair that I was sitting in oh so comfortably a few seconds ago, he pull me back between his legs and wraps his arms around my shoulders, chin on my shoulder.

I felt myself relaxing back against his chest trying to ignore the little flutter in my stomach at the action. It's probably because he's made my head all fuzzy with the knuckie. Yeah. That's why.

Too busy looking down at my odd socks, I didn't notice the looks that where been thrown in JJ's and I direction.

"Okay, well what's Redfield?"

"Besides the most common name in the county-," Pope starts but doesn't get the chance to finish before John B interrupts him, "Maybe it's a clue?"

"Maybe it's a clue to where he is hiding," John B continues when he receives no response, looking around the room before his eyes settle on me, "y'know?" but all I could do was shrug.

"A clue?" Pope laughs a little at John B, "come on that's-"

I don't know what made Pope not finish what he was saying. It might have been the ignorant rooster that has not shut up since we got here or it could have been the sound of someone clearing the throat.

I'm not dumb. I might act it sometimes, but I'm not. I refuse to be known as that girl who has to be tiptoed around even by her friends just because her dad has went missing. It's not like I haven't notice it. Pope tries to not use his logical brain as much even though I know it is killing him to not spit out facts about disappearances to me even two seconds. Kie has always been nice to me, we've always been close, but the last nine months she has been scarily nice to me and it's a bit concerning. And JJ, well he's still JJ, but he's been more, I don't know, comforting and sweet since my dad... y'know.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and I love how patient they are all being with myself and John B, but I miss being able to hang out with my friends and not know that I am getting pity treatment half the time.

Seeming to notice that I was in a daze, JJ start to rock us both from side to side, slowly gaining my attention back on the conversation before me, "Yes, perfect. An anagram. You need paper."

"What's an anagram?" JJ whispers quietly into my ear causing a shiver to run up my spine.

"I don't know?" I answer honestly as we both watch the three of our friends huddled around one another across from us. JJ and I are clearly the brains of the operation here. I have a cheek to call John B the bimbo.

"How can you concentrate with that thing cawing at you?" Pope finally snaps at the annoying rooster outside, clearly struggling to think with the agitating sound.

"I've been trying to get rid of Noris for years, Pope," I express, stepping out of JJ 's arms and walkover to fix the ornament that John B clumsily knocked over when he grabbed the bulletin board earlier, "but JJ loves the rooster."

"What do you have against my rooster?" JJ questions looking in my direction, but I couldn't help but shake my head with a laugh. His rooster. Really.

"Other than the fact that it's annoying, it smells, it wakes me up every morning way more early that I would like, it's feathers-" I begin to list of the reasons why I dislike Noris so much, using my hand to dust of some of the things at the window ledge.

"-Don't talk about his feathers, okay," JJ butts in on my rant, his voice going high in defence, "he's insecure about them and you know that."

"Insecure?" I laugh out, turning to look at the blond boy who is just sitting there with his head held high, "He's a fucking rooster, JJ."

"Yeah well, he still has feelings and I know if he heard what you, his mother, just said about him right now, he would be so upset with you."

What the actual fuck? Wait hold on, mother?!

"Well, you know what," I start pointing a finger in JJ's direction choosing to personally ignore the major details that I am just now finding out from JJ's argument, "At least I gave him a name, you just call him rooster."

"Well, I'm sorry that I didn't find Noris to be the best name for our son" JJ expresses, his face turning red as he talks with so much passion about the little feather freak in my backyard.

"Would you two shut up," John B exclaims, his head in his hands, trying to decide what was more annoying, the cawing rooster or his best friend and sister bickering like an old married couple.

"Macy, Noris stays-"

"But-"

"-And JJ, stop referring to Noris as you and my sisters son, it's a bit weird-"

"But-"

"Sorry," JJ and I say in unison at the look that John B is throwing us before looking at each and saying sorry again. Neither of us could help the stupid smiles creeping onto our faces at our petty argument. I know it's childish, but I had to, I stick my tongue out in JJ's direction when John B wasn't looking before turning back to the window, trying to ignore the effect the JJ's small laugh had on me.

No one ever really visits this side of the cut. Not a lot of traffic usually reaches us, let alone our driveway. Usually its just John B's van and sometimes JJ's bike, but that's it really. The road leading to our house only just leads to our house, no where else. That's why when I spot a black SUV pulling up outside, I couldn't help but be confused.

"Guys?"

"Didfiel- Colours? No that's stupid."

"What about Ritchiesalin?"

"Can someone please tell me what an anagram is, I wanna to play too."

"Guys!" I said more loudly interrupt the game of guess the anagram that my friends where currently having, not taking my eyes off the window, "Someone's here."

"DCS?"

"God, I hope not," I breath out, moving over a little when I felt John B's hand on my elbow as he looked out the window beside me, "John B was suppose to clean the house but didn't."

"Now is not the time Macy," John B sighs watching the SUV park next to his van.

"Macy?" Pope questions from behind me, all of us now looking out the window, "Isn't that those guys from earlier?"

Shit. We all watch as two burly men dressed in black slam their car doors closed and make their way round to the front of the house.

"Is that them?" Kie asks, panic evident in her voice as she looks at us all for a quick answer. The lack of response must have given Kie her answer as she starts to breath heavier, backing away from the window.

"This is suboptimal," I hear Pope say under his breath, moving away from the window too, not liking this one bit.

"Now is not the time for your fancy words Pope," I start to fidget with my hands, unconsciously speaking faster than usually, "just say 'we're fucked' like the rest of us."

"Okay Macy, We're fucked!"

Oh shit. That's when you know we should be scared, we Pope swears with little to no peer-pressure or convincing. We are well and truly fucked.

The sound of a soft bang on the wall causes me to stop nervously fidgeting with my fingers, not even noticing that I was completely deaf to the babbling JJ until my brother had pushed him against the wall, "JJ, shush," John B holds up a finger in JJ's face, "where's the gun?"

"The gun? uh the gun is- uh the gun is-," turning into a babbling mess again as he tries to remember where he left the fire arm that has already caused him so much trouble and it's only been in his possession for a day.

"You don't have the gun? The one time we need the gun?" Kie is in a frenzy, clearly uncomfortable and scared at the thought of the men being in the house. I know it might not be much of a help, but I place my shaky hand on her back, trying to calm her nerves. At this point I don't know whose nerves I'm trying to calm, hers or mines.

"It's in my backpack," JJ brighten up when he finally remembers where he left it.

"Your backpack?"

"Which I left on the porch," JJ sigh out looking at John B who is patting him quickly on the shoulder ushering him to go and get it.

"Be carful," I whisper so quietly that I doubt anyone even heard, watching the blonde open the door quickly and quietly, making a dash for the porch just to return back as quickly when he hears shouting enter the house.

They're in the house.

"Come on out now, Johnny boy!"

"We're not going to hurt you little girl."

"Routledge!"

The sound of these two smugglers yelling out to John B and I is making me sick to my stomach, sucking in a breath as I take a step back from the door.

"Where you at boy?!"

"Come on out, little Mason, we just wanna talk!"

Oh I'm sure you just want to talk, I can tell by the way you a yelling for me and by the sounds of it trashing my already messy house. Y'know what, I take back what I said earlier about being upset that John B didn't clean the house when that was his only chore this week because by the sounds from outside this door, they have probably trashed the entire house. I would never hear the end of it. That would be his excuse to never clean again; 'but what if smugglers come and ransack our home? What's the point in cleaning if they are just going to mess it up again? Blah blah blah'.

Okay, I'm nervous rambling but I can't help it. When I'm nervous I tend to take that as the prime opportunity to call people out on things that they have done to me in the past. I like making situations worse if you couldn't tell.

"JJ help me with this," I call out quietly to the boy who runs over to the window, helping me as we both try to pull it open. It won't budge.

"Get it open!" Kie is still panic, pacing the room behind us which really isn't helping at all, "Why isn't it opening?"

"It painted shut, okay?" JJ snaps at the girl, having enough of her in his ear.

Looking around the room trying my best to ignore the sounds of stamping feet and clattering drawers from the other side of the door which John B has took the liberty of guarding with his back, his face tinted red as he holds is hands on his head. Rushing over to my dad desk, rummaging through the side drawer before my fingers grazed against the letter opener.

Perfect.

Rushing back over to JJ who is still trying his best to push up the window, huffing and puffing with all his strength. I gentle nudge him to the side when I show him what I found before jabbing at the seal between the window and the ledge.

"Come on, come on, open it," Kie ushers as she watched me chisel away at the paint. I don't know if she thinks that by trying to rush me more than I already am myself is helping, but it's really not. And JJ seems to notice that her words of panic are only making me more nervous.

"She's going as fast as she can, Kiara," he breathes out, still trying to push the window up, groaning in annoyance when it still won't budge.

"Check that back room!"

"Your two better not be in there!"

Not bothering to look over my shoulder, just judging by the sounds, I can already tell its not good. The sound of stamping feet making its way to the office door, all of us tensing up in anticipation as John B signals for us to keep quiet. Not wanting to give up on the window, I continue to pick at it silently, my senses on high alert for any sort of sound.

"You better not be in there, Routledge," one of the men shouts as he starts to throw himself against the door after realising that it was locked. John B and Pope both jump at the thud but keep their backs pressed against the door to stop any chances of him getting in.

'So much for protecting the door' I thought, turning my head for a quick second when a particularly loud bang echos through the house. He is trying to kick the door down and is doing a pretty good job at it. John B and Pope both running toward the window when a piece of the door frame breaks off. The only thing separating us and these men are an old lock that is being given a good run for it's money.

"I got it," I whisper to JJ who helps me push up the window, the usually uncomfortable heat from outside was welcomed with open arms. JJ jumps out first, landing on the grass before turning around to grab my waist, helping me through the window and lowering me to the ground.

Grabbing his hand without a second thought, I pulled JJ in the direction of the only place we could all hide. Noris' coop. Hearing the sound of feet behind us puts me at ease knowing that we all made it out in time.  John B was the last to rush into the coop, squeezing himself next to Pope as he closed over the door.

The undeniable sound a gun being shot echos through the house and to where we are hiding. I couldn't help but flinch at the horrid sound of the round, my eyes watering at the thought of us justing being able to make it out on a fine hair. The reassuring squeeze on my hand is the only thing right now that is stopping my watery eyes from leaking. We made it out. We made it out.

A few minutes after the gunshot, the front door of the house was swung open as we all watched the two men making their way out with boxes in hand. That's my dad's research. They can't take that.

But there was nothing I could do but watch all my dad's hard work being stole by two smugglers.

The thought of them being out the house made me nervous, their car was just parked a few feet away from the coop. The same coop that we are hiding in. The same coop that seems to have started a riot since we invaded it. Noris and his buddies have not stopped clucking since we came in here. I could feel my hands start to shake again, as Noris continues to crow louder than usual.

We're going to get caught.

"Do some, Pope," JJ says through clenched teeth, his grip on my hand strong but not hurtful as his thumb rubs against the back of my hand, "Shut him up."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Pet it, or talk to it. I don't know," Kie cries quietly, looking at the rooster how seems to be getting noisier and noisier.

Looking through a small crack in the coop, I watch as one of the men looks in our direction clearly hearing all the ruckus, "JJ," I squeeze his hand not taking my eyes off the man, "he's coming over here. He's going to find us," I hold back a sob with my hand.

I know that I shouldn't watch. I should have turned away. But I just couldn't. I was scared. Scared that if I closed my eyes for even a second, those men would come marching in again.

Watching JJ as he scrambled after the rooster, catching it in both his hands, the hands that were latched onto mine a few seconds ago, and pinning the it to the ground. The rooster fights against JJ's grip, clucking louder in panic, before falling silent. JJ's hands now wrapped loosely around its neck.

Biting my lip and pulling my knees to my chest, I drop my head on my knee sucking in quick but quiet breaths. Trying to focus on my breathing, I barely felt the light touch on my shin. Just rubbing back and forwards, as I try to match my breathing to their rhythm.

Looking up, I probably look like a hot mess right now, locking eyes with Pope whose face is contorted with concern. Holding his hand in place on my leg as we all listened to SUV pulling away from the Chateau.

They're gone.

But for how long?

~

Don't ask me why the Redfield Lighthouse was my dad's favourite spot on the island. All I see is a tall pillar of white and blue paint with a spinning light on top of it. Y'know a basic ass lighthouse. But it meant so much more to my dad. He would come here every Sunday morning for hours and when I asked what he did there he would just say 'I'm watching the tide, Ladybug. Zenned out to the max'.

'Please never say 'zenned' or 'to the max' again, I'm begging you.'

I would do anything to be embarrassed by my dad trying to act like he was down the the kids. At least he was trying to relate to his teenage children. I just thought it was very uncool at the time but I'd do anything for it now. I'd do anything to have him back.

That's why when John B pulls up outside of the lighthouse, sure it took a bit of reassuring. Who am I kidding, JJ said he will call me a pussy for the rest of my life, if I don't go in the lighthouse. Say's him. He's not going either.

"I have my reasons" JJ swung his arm around Pope's shoulder who couldn't look anymore uncomfortable with the blondes sudden affection if he tried.

"And I have my reasons to stick my foot up your ass," I snap in his direction, before being pulled by both John B and Kie who take an elbow each, leading me towards the tall stature that is making my legs shake and stomach churn.

"Kinky," JJ calls out, watching me be dragged away with a stupid triumphant smile on his face, "but also uncalled for. Now I'm not going to catch you if you fall"

If I fall?!

"Remind me why we are here again," I begin to dig my feet into the ground beneath me, craning my neck to look up at my destination. It's a seems to be never ending set of spiral stairs with a bight white light at the top. Is that heaven?

"It was your idea to come here," John B and Kie both begin to huff and puff as they try to pull my dead weight towards the first step.

"Yeah, but I didn't think that I would have to go up there," I whine, spinning my neck back to the entrance of the lighthouse, watching JJ push away a smirking Pope with an annoyed look on his face.

"Well, we don't know what we are looking for," Kie grunts when I refuse to lift my foot onto the step.

'If I close my eyes tight enough maybe they'll think I'm-'

"Ouch," I whine when my knee hits the metal step, leaving an intent on my skin. 'What dickheads' I thought as I watch them both laughing at my now injured self.

I'm definitely not going now!

But before I could even get up to run back out the door, a pair of hands wrap themselves under my arms and another around each of my legs as I feeling myself being lifted up the stairs, "Come Macy, we've got questions to ask and answers to get."

What probably usually took the average person a few minutes to climb, took two teenagers carrying another against their will, 10 minutes. I'm not complaining, at least I didn't need to climb all these stairs. Who decided that this lighthouse needed to be this tall in the first place, its very unpractical. And all fashioned. Like get an elevator for crying out loud.

Normal I wouldn't be complaining about being carried about somewhere, but with how high we probably are right now, I would rather be anywhere else but here.

'But it was your idea, Macy' I minic their voice in my head

'Yeah well, we established years ago that Mason doesn't have good ideas-'

'Hey is that a bat? oh, it's just a pigeon.'

"You got her?" I hear John B breath out as he places my feet on the landing, Kie still not letting go from under my arms as she nods her head. I can feel the sweat radiating of her, it's kinda gross. Also, have you got her? Where else am I suppose to go? Jump out the window? Back down those stairs? I don't think so.

Watching John B as he knocks on the metal door, the sound echoing it way through the hollow tower. We wait a few minutes, but there was no answer, "Nobodies home," John B shrugs after no response, making his way back over to Kie and I.

"No," I shake myself out of Kie's grip and make my way with wobbly legs over to the door, "I didn't climbing all those stairs for 'nobody to be home'," I use John B's words against him as I bang the side of my fist on the door.

"You didn't climb shit Macy, we practically dragged you up here," I hear John B correct my statement from behind me.

"And, I am so thankful that you did," I reply with a frown on my face, but I snap on a cheery smile when the door cracks open revealing a stuffy middle aged looking man, his glasses hanging low as the eyes us all, "We're here for the lighthouse."

" The Lighthouse is closed," The man grunts closing the door back in our faces before we could protest. Well that was rude and very clearly a lie. When is the lighthouse ever closed?

This is going to be harder that I thought.

"Actually, we aren't here for the lighthouse," I call out again, know that the man can probably hear me through the door, "We're here for the Royal Merchant."

I couldn't help but smile when I heard the door being pulled open again, "Well you came to the right place."

"Watch your step now," the mans voice seems to have completely changed and perked up since the mention of the Royal Merchant, now leading us out onto the the rusted catwalk that had a few large holes in it with a few of the entire island.

Don't look down, Mason. Just don't look down.

You would think the cold and sharp breeze from up here would help with how much I am sweating, but if anything, it's making it worse. It's making me realise how high we actually are.

"I know more about the Royal Merchant than anybody else in Kildare county."

"Well you clearly haven't met our Macy yet," I hear John B speak to the man as I stand back with Kie, who had positioned herself more in front of me wanting to block the view. I couldn't help but play with the back belt loop of her shorts trying to distract my running mind.

"A bit of a Merchanteer yourself?" I heat the man call over to me, but I could only nod, "something like that."

"Now the Merchant," The man starts, "It disappeared in the graveyard of the Atlantic in 1829."

"With $500 million," I hear John B chime in with probably one of the only fact that he knows about the Merchant.

"That's correct," the man praises, "Are you sure you're not the Merchanteer yourself?"

"Oh we're sure," Kie chimes in, reaching her hand back and interlocking her fingers with mine. Closing my eyes as I feel the wind lightly swaying my figure from side to side... like the tide.

The man just grunts, geez this man makes a lot of weird sounds, "Follow me," I hear him say in probably the creepiest voice I've every heard, "I want to show you lot something."

"This thing goes higher," I whisper, mostly to myself as I feel Kie lightly tugging on my hand.

"It's okay," she reassures, "I've got you."

Trying my best to ignore the sounds of the crashing waves that sound so far away and the screeching of the seagulls that are looming a bit to close to my head, I attempt to focus on the facts that the bearded man is spewing as I dodge the holes in the catwalk.

"I've been working up her for 30 years," the man calls over his shoulder to us, "the views never changed. Until two days ago."

I've said it once and I'll continue to say it; Agatha was a bitch.

"One more storm like that and It'll take the lighthouse," he points out chuckling before nudging my brother with his elbow, "and I'll go with her."

'God, somebody needs a friend,' My eyes snapping up when I hear John B and Kie laughing, "Did I say that out loud?"

Choosing to ignore my comment the man continues, "Now if my calculations are correct, which I can grantee you that they are," he laughs, seeming so sure of himself, "the Merchant is somewhere on the south-side of the storm."

Huh?

"So, she's probably about 30 miles in that direction," I look up at the man for the first time since walking out here only to see him pointing in the completely wrong direction.

"That's wrong," I point out causing the cheeky smile on the mans face to fall, his features become stoic as he looks in the direction of my voice.

"I'm sorry?"

"It wouldn't make any sense if the Merchant was on the south side of the storm," I begin to elaborate to the man, "that would only push her out further to sea."

"Your point, little missy?" The man grunts, clearly not understanding where I am come from.

"It would make more sense if the Merchant was on the north side of the storm," I continue, looking at John B who seems to understanding what I mean by this, "which means it would be closer to shore."

"Exactly," I smile at John B, walking over slightly still holding Kie's hand, "meaning the Merchant is mostly likely 10 miles in that direction," I conclude pointing in the completely opposite direction that the man did minutes ago.

"Come with me," the mans voice low as he eyes me, walking into the small room behind him.

Letting me in first, John B steps aside trying to block the plunging view to the bottom the light house from my vision. I know I'm still high up, but not being able to physically see it anymore is really helping.

Stopping in front of a map of the point, the man takes of his glasses looking at me with a squint as he questioned, "So tell me, where exactly to you think the Royal Merchant would be, huh?"

Is he trying to make me out to look stupid. I'm sorry if I've hurt your ego my guy, but I didn't pile hours of my time into reasserting the Royal Merchant just to be belittled by a man who can't get his fact right.

It's kinda adorable, seeing all the scribbles on the map with grid points and numbers as to were he has once believed the merchant to be, but were it mostly likely is has been completely untouched on his map.

"Right about here," clumsily circling my finger around a patch of the ocean, it's hard to really see with how dark this small room is, "most likely 1,000 feet down."

"And who told you this information, sweetheart?" I couldn't help but physically cringe at the name I was just called, but I try and brush past it.

"My dad and I live for this stuff," I shrug, not really understanding why it is such a big deal as to how I know this information. I researched it, obviously.

"You're a clever one, aren't you," he complements, but I just walk back standing next to Kie where I feel more comfortable, away from the sweating man who is eyeing me up oddly.

"Do you know anything about this?" John B steps forward, taking the mans attention off of me as he pulls out dad's compass for the man to look at, "It says Redfield in the back in our dad's handwriting."

I watch on as the mans face twisting into one of realisation as he takes small steps away from John B and the compass, "I don't know why we are here, but it feel like we're suppose to be."

"Do you have something to give us or-" John B continues to push the man for answers. Remember when I mentioned that John B doesn't know how to read the room, this a prime and live example right her ladies and gentlemen. John B Routledge at his finest, making people uncomfortable.

"Where are you going?" He calls out, quick on the mans hells who made a mad dash for the hatch above us.

Looking at Kie who looks back at me with as much confusion, we both follow behind John B who is continuing to yell at the man, "Look, man I know this is weird, but we were really hoping that you would know something about this, alright please."

Oh, so we're begging now?

"You won't believe what these two have been through in the last 24 hours, sir," Kie decides to throw her pennies worth in too once she makes it up the ladder, "I mean threatened, shot at, home invaded-"

"Home invaded?" The man repeats with sheer panic lacing his voice as he looks between all of us like an animal how has just been caught by a predator.

"Could have probably left that part out Kie-" I start, but my eye catch sight of us being up even higher through the walls that are made entirely of windows, "Oh god, we're high up."

"Is there anything that you can think of that might help us?" I tried my hardest to stay focussed on the conversation at hand but I couldn't, it was all slowly becoming background noise as I continue to look down at the ground that is moving in a swirling motion.

"It was an accident, okay"

"Come on, we have to go," I barely even registered the voice as Kie's as she quickly pushes me in the direction of the stairs and away from the view. In a daze, I quickly climb down the ladder hearing the sounds of pain echoing above me.

"What happened?" I ask, but my question wasn't answered as I'm ushered down the spiralling stairs. Just don't look down. "John B, what did you do?"

"Nothing, it was an accident," I hear him yell from behind me over the sound of our thundering feet slamming down on the mental stairs.

When we finally make it to the bottom of the lighthouse, I prepare myself for the mad dash to John B's van as I hear the sound of sirens coming down the road.

"Are you kidding me?" I exclaim, watching our van driving away from the lighthouse. They ditched us.

Wasting no time, I sprint toward the fence beside the lighthouse and on shaky knees I haul myself over the picket fence before sprinting in any direction I could.

I keep running until I don't hear the sirens anymore, "I think we're good now guys," I place my hands on my knees as I try to catch my breath.

"Guys?" I call out when I hear no response from them, "Guys!"

Great.

Now I'm alone. I couldn't help but throw my head back letting out a groan as I making my way down to the beach in a strop. 'Hopefully they ran in this direction,' I thought, but was getting agitated as my feet struggle to move in the soft sand.

"Stupid sand," I grumble to myself, pulling of my shoes and clumsily pulling them along with me.  

The beach is mostly quiet on this end of the cut. A lot of stuff still littering the shore having been washed up from the hurricane. I'm really glad for the vacant beach though, it means people are less likely to see me having to dance my way through the sand as I dodge standing on the crispy seaweed.

Holding my hand above my brow, I squint when I finally see two familiar figures in the distance standing on one of the grass humps before the beach.

'Finally', I thought as I pick but the pace readying myself to call out and catch their attention, only to stop myself a few feet before them as I watch John B pull Kie in by her waist and kiss her.

Woah.

In public my guy?

Also, I know John B has had a little thing for Kie since she become one of the Pogues, basically everyone did back then, but I'm still not sure if Kie ever felt the same way about my brother. She would tell me that, right?

"What happened to no 'pogue on pogue macking'" I shout cause the two to jump a part as quickly as the met in the middle. I couldn't help but snicker as I watch John B's face turn a brighter shade for red than the bruise that is adorning his face. How sweet.

"I'm- um- I'm so sorry. Shit-"

"It's okay, John B-"

"I shouldn't have, I'm under a lot of stress-"

"It's okay. I didn't even mind."

"You didn't?" both John B and I say at the same time, but in two completely different tones. The pair turning their heads in my direction with a similar look in their eyes. Holding my hands up in defence, "I'll shut up," I say reaching down to put back on my shoes.

Before I could ruin the moment any further than I probably already did, the sound echoing sirens reaches our ears. And before when had to time to run, the police car was parking in front of us.

"Routledge," I hear an all too familiar voice call out. Not him, anybody but him, "I got you son."

'Maybe if I duck behind Kie slightly-'

"Don't bother hiding, Mason," Shoupe calls out and I can't help but cuss under my breath, "I can still see you."

"Now, why don't you just be chill and not make me chase you," Shoupe makes is way out of the car and walks towards us with his hands on his belt.

"Not like you could," I snort quietly, earning a nudge from Kie who tells me to shut up.

Was there really no one else working in the dog house today. Did they really have to send Shoupe. That man has it out for me. Not so much John B, his problem is Peterkins. But Shoupe, that's a different beast. And with the amount of run ins that I have had with Shoupe since he got the job, I've learned how to play his little game of bad cop to my advantage. Shoupe isn't that bad. If the thinks by lowering his voice by a few octaves and wearing those stupid sunglasses is going to make him look cooler; it's sadly not.

"You're already in enough trouble missy," he points his finger in my direction, "Now hands where I can see them. Both of you."

This is just great.

~

I hate it here. I've always hated it here. That's why I tend to run from the cops and not get caught. This place is like a doctors office, everyone is so serious, all anxiously waiting to be spoke to by the big law enforcers.

Seperating John B and I is never a good idea if you want to find out the truth. You are going to end up with two different stories and that is intentional. I would never rat out John B, and him the same for me. It's not just the pogue way. It's our way.

"If this is your way to try and get me to confess," I start, twirling around the pen that I nabbed off of Shoupe's desk moments before, "It's not going to work. I won't crack."

"I'm not expecting you too," Shoupe admits as he leans back in his chair with a sigh, his attention not leaving me for a second.

"What?"

This man is confusing, one minute he wants me to confess as if I've done the worst thing humanly imaginable and the next he's like 'nah, just forget about it'. This dude needs to make his mind up.

"I feel for you Mason," Shoupe says, "I really do. For you and your brother."

"I know part of you still thinks that he is going to just walk through that door and everything will go back to the way it was," it's scary how well this man seems to know how I think. Maybe after all this time of chasing me around has taught him something.

"He's been missing for nine months," he continues noticing that I am still listening to him as I slowly stop playing with the pen, "Your father is dead."

"You don't know that," I say sharply, slamming the pen back on his table as I push my chair back and move towards the window. Looking out the window where my eyes couldn't help but catch the sight of a little girl walking along the sidewalk holding her fathers hand with the cheesiest grin I have ever seen. It almost looks familiar.

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't," I turn around to meet eyes with Shoupe, "he's coming back, he would leave me," I feel so small as my voice cracks.

"The quicker you accept this Mason, the quicker you can heal," Shoupe says in a soft voice, "You're a bright kid, Mason. You are getting yourself in too deep, and eventually, you won't have anybody to come and save you."

"I know you have been having trouble with the DCS," I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the mention of them, but Shoupe interrupts my sigh, "but we are just looking out for you and your brother, okay?"

I nod my head, even though I couldn't disagree more with that statement. The DCS and Cheryl have been nothing but a pest to my brother and I for the last 9 months, especially now more than ever.

"The last place I want you to end up in is foster care," Shoupes confession makes me stop, "who else is going to keep me on my toes if not you?"

"Thought you didn't want me to cause any more trouble?" I lift my eyebrows not understanding the man one bit.

"Harmless trouble, Mason," he reminds me leaning his arms on his desk, "but what just went down was assault, okay? That's JD time."

I could stop the shiver that ran down my spine at the thought. I know I get myself in some messes every now and then, but never have I thought about the possibility of being locked away for it. That sounds worse than foster care. No, that is worse than foster care.

"So I can still cause trouble?" I try to joke sitting back in my seat, but it falls short when I see the look in Shoupes eye, "Sorry."

"Look, Mason," Shoupe pushes himself up from his chair, circling his desk, just to sit himself back down beside me, "I know you have the compass."

My breath hitches.

"Maybe not you," he corrects himself, looking down at his own hands as he continues, "but I know you found it on the wreck."

Deny, deny, deny.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I shake my head a little, hoping that my voice is staying steady.

Why does everyone want my dad's compass? If anyone should have it, it should be John B and I.

Hearing Shoupe sigh from beside me, I huff out a breath on last time, "I don't have a compass".

~

"If you skip out on your bail and I lose my money," Mr Carrera is a man on a mission as he leads the three of us out of the station, making a beeline for his car, "I will hunt you done and skin you."

That's a bit violent.

"Dad!" Kie stumbles over her feet trying to keep up with him.

"We're still cool right, Mr. C?" I ask the man who stares me dead in the eye before opening the car door and slamming in for effect. There's my answer, "I guess not."

Tugging John B's elbow before he could walk over to Kie, "I'm gonna take a walk," I say, pulling out my hair tie undoing my braid, "I need to de-stress."

"This is your way of getting out of cleaning the house isn't it" John B calls out, but I am already walking in the opposite direction.

"Sorry, I can't hear you," I shout picking up my speed into a small jog, "I think it's a bad reception."

"We're not even on the phone, Mason."

I don't know where I am going exactly, I'm just letting my feet take me where ever they feel like it. I need sometime alone. I love the people that I surround myself with everyday, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes I just need a minute to myself. Sometimes I just need to dissociate from the world around me.

I use to do this a lot when I was younger. I don't know what I had to be stressed about then, looking at my life now and the shit show that is this situation. I use to run away, in lack of a better term.

I have a secret place. A place that only I know. I have never shown, let alone even told, anyone about this place. Not John B. Not Kie or Pope. Not JJ.

Nobody.

It's my place.

I haven't really been there is a while, I hope nothing bad has happened to it. All I'm say is that: if God really loved me he would have asked Storm Aggie to give my spot a miss.

It's in the perfect spot, right between The Cut and The Figure 8, and that's all I'm going to tell you.

Right now though, I am god knows where. Some where in Kooksville, I can tell be the fancy cars with shiny new registration plates and also the presence of electricity. Screw these Kooks and their back up generators. It's almost like the storm didn't even hit here.

How do I get myself into these situations. I know Shoupe calls me trouble, but I never actively go looking for it. It just seems to follow me like a dark shadow.

Speaking of following, if I wasn't already on such high alert today I probably would have missed the sound of a car engine slowing down and stopping next to me on the perfectly tiled sidewalk.

"Hello poppet."

"Nope, not dealing with this."

"You can't run, little girl."

I don't even know where I am. Why is The Figure 8 so big?

Despite the blisters from days ago that are still healing on the back of my heels, I push myself into the fastest run I could muster. Not having to look back as I can hear pounding footsteps close behind me and the shady black SUV skidding into take off on the road.

My legs are feeling lighter and lighter by the second, tingles running up and down my body as my ears start to ring. The feeling of the warm air slapping against my face as I push myself further isn't a pleasant one.

Without a second thought, I make a quick turn down between the valley of two houses that probably cost more than I could ever imagine. Thinking quick, I grab at the two over flowing wheelie bins, as push them over on their side, hoping to buy myself sometime now only running from the man on foot, the SUV clearly taking the long way around.

Still not looking behind me, but hearing the man cuss loudly at my small distraction, I just keep run.

Just keep running Mason.

"Holy shit,"I yell slamming my hand the car that came hurling to a stop in front of me, skidding myself to a stop.

"Hey, watch where you're going," a male voice yells and before I had the chance to apologise and continue run, the voice sticks their head out the window, "Mason?"

"Rafe?" I squint in his direction, but I never get a minute do I?

Not having a moment to catch my breath, even after almost being road kill, I look to my left to see one of the men running full speed in my direction... with a gun. Did he have that the whole?

"I caught you now, Poppet."

"Do you need a ride?" Rafe rushed out, his eyes wild as he looks between myself and the man who is now getting closer and closer.

"A ride would be perfect," I breath out, wasting no time as I sprint over the the passenger side, the door already swinging open as Rafe leaned over to unlock it for me.

"Drive, please," I beg, slamming the door shut before Rafe speeds to a start, pulling us away from the man.

Both of us watch in the rear view mirror as the man stops in the middle of the road, shaking his hand that holds the gun, yelling doesn't that doesn't reach us.

I couldn't stop the sigh of relief that escapes me as I sunk back into the car seat, feeling the cool air conditioned air blowing gently on my face. I'm safe. Well, sort of. I'm currently in a car with Rafe Cameron who is driving at least 50 over the 30 limit and I don't have a seat belt on.

"So," Rafe eyes flick in my direction as I hurriedly put on my seatbelt like my life depends on it, because right now, with the way he is driving, it does. Rafe either noticed my discomfort at his speed or he just didn't want to get a fine, pushes gently on the break slowing us down to a normal speed, "You want to tell me why some guy with a gun is chasing you?"

"I said I didn't like his hat," I let out a nervous laugh as I fiddle with my bracelet, trying to ignore the way that Rafe keeps looking at me.

"Really?" Rafe laughs out, clearly not believing a single word that I am saying.

"Totally," I nod my head, "I said 'Hey man, shit hat', and the next thing I knew he was chasing me."

When Rafe doesn't say anything, it's my turn to look at him, I couldn't help but noticing how sharp his features are when he is focussed. Not that I've looked at him long enough to ever notice that. I feel my own lips twitch upwards when I watch Rafe's do the same.

"You are the worst liar in the world, Mason Routledge."

"A lair?" I say dramatically turning to look out the front window, when did it get so dark out? "I am not."

"Okay, Yoda," he shakes his head and continues to drive.

Did he just call me Yoda? Did Rafe Cameron just reference Star Wars? Is Rafe Cameron secretly a nerd? I have so many questions.

It's odd, but I feel calm sitting in this car with Rafe. I mean he did kinda help me out back there, even if he did almost run me over with his fancy Range. It's very unlike him. It's strange. He's being civil with me and I'm not use to that. I'm use to getting called names like; dirty Pogue. But I'm not going to complain. After the day that I've had, I just glad to have some peace for a moment.

Reaching over to turn up the radio that was quietly playing through the car when I recognised a familiar beat, "I love this song," Rafe smiles when he hears the melody of 'Someday Soon' by Harlem playing through the car speakers.

"Me too," I nod my head along to the beat trying to bite back my small smile when I hear Rafe say, "You've got good taste, Pogue."

I hadn't even noticed that Rafe was pulling up to the Chateau, too busy humming away to the catching song with lyrics that seemed to be too relatable at the moment, "Just pull up here," I point to the space just before the dirt path that leads done to the fish shack that I call home.

Shutting off the car, both of us are left with only the flickering yellow street light illuminating its way into the car, Rafe reach out to turn down the radio when the songs ends.

It's silent for a minute, but not uncomfortable.

"Thanks for the ride, Rafe," I smile softly in the boys direction, not wanting to over stay in his presence. I've just had a pleasant ride with him, and if I know Rafe Cameron, which a few days ago I thought I did, he will find a way to return back to the potentials asshole that I knew and hate.

Rafe just bites his bottom lip a little as he watches me unbuckle my seatbelt before pushing myself out of his car that seems to be so high up from the ground.

Walking around the car, I expected him to pull away the instant I got out, but it seems like Rafe Cameron is just filled with surprised these days, "Hey Mason," I hear him call out to me.

Turning back to the car, I see Rafe looking out of his now rolled down window, his arm resting on the ledge.

"Yeah?" I take a few steps closer to the car again, not wanting to be shouting out at this time of night. Not that we have neighbours or anything.

We seem to just look at one another for a while, neither of us knowing what to say. He's the one that called out to me. I feel myself getting shy under his blue eyes that seem to be soft, but unwavering.

"See you later?" his eyebrow quirking up at the question, an almost doubtful tone in his voice.

"See you later, Rafe," I smile at the boy before turning to leave this time. The walk down the dirt drive was one where I was trying to fight the small smile of my face, letting out a sigh as I hear the car tires rubbing against the loose stones before driving off.

That was weird.

Moment of peace never last long do they? Not when your name is Mason Routledge apparently.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I run over to John B who is casually lounging in a beating lawn chair with a small bonfire crackling in front of him. Holding stacks of papers in his hands as he carelessly throws them in to ignite the flame more.

"John B!" I yell again when I am next to him, but his face remains stoic, his features a fiery orange hue from the burning flame before us. I feel myself getting uncomfortably hot from the radiating heat.

"I'm letting go Mason," his voice deprived of any emotion as he continue to throw things into the fire, "and you should too," taking a swig from his bottle, letting out the most disgusting burp I have ever heard.

"Letting go?" I question, not understanding what is happening, "letting go of what?"

"Dad is dead!" John B kicks himself out of the chair before grabbing it and launching it into the fire. I couldn't help but flinch and step back as John B points his finger in my direction with wild eyes, "did you hear me? I said; dad is dead."

"I heard you," I whisper still not wanting to stand too close to my brother who seems to be slightly unhinged. Watching him, like a man turned mad, as he spins himself around cussing as he knocks over the countless amount of beer bottles at his feet. The amount of bottles explaining why he is acting like this. John B reaches down into one of the many boxes he has pulled from the house, tossing more stuff into the fire without a care, 'is that the stuff from dad's office?'

"Good," he slurs, watching the fire dance brighter, small sparks filling around in the cold air, with a drunk smile on his face, "you need to stop acting like a little girl Mason and just get over it already. I mean look at me. I've accepted it and I'm doing just fine."

Just fine? I would have laughed at my brother hadn't the sight been too sad. He is a drunken mess who is clearly not in the right frame of mind. I couldn't stop my hands from reaching forward to steady him as he stumbled over his own feet, a little to close to the fire for my liking.

"Can you believe it, Macy? Dad is gone," John B laughs like what he has just said is hysterical, but I can see it in his eyes. Behind those drunk glazed eyes, John B still doesn't want to believe what everyone has been telling us for nine months. And no amount of liquid courage can hide that.

"Stop living in denial," John B kicks the empty box in to the fire and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out if his words are being aimed at himself or me.

"You were always the favourite," John B laughs out in spite, his eyes never leaving the fire, "Our little Mason can do no wrong, can she?"

"What are you saying-" I try to understand where all his is coming from with John B.

Believe it or not but John B really gets drunk. Sure he likes to get a buzz on every now and then just like the rest of us. But never have I seen him like this before.

"-oh and don't you dare try and deny it," John B voice slowly getting louder and louder but still not looking in my direction, "I can't have one thing for myself. You stole my friends. You work for the same family as me-"

Before I could even chime in on John B's drunken rant, "-You even stole my dad from me."

"What is that suppose to mean?," my voice to quiet I'm surprised that John B actually heard me over his drunken buzz.

"If you hadn’t fed into his fantasy of finding that stupid ship, maybe I would still have a dad."

There it is.

What I have been thinking for the last 9 months has just been confirmed to me.

John B does blame me for what happened to dad. Maybe he's right. Maybe if I hadn't been so involved and fascinated by the Royal Merchant and how finding that gold would fix all our pogue problems, then maybe he would still be here with us and not lost a sea.

Who am I kidding.

Dad's not lost a sea is he.

He never was.

"Maybe we should go and have a lie down," I step toward him, trying to not show how his words have effected me, John B slowly looking around for something else to launch into the flame as he takes another large swig from his bottle.

"And miss out on all the fun? No way, Macy," John B burps before picking up more items, looking in my approaching direction, "Why don't you have a turn, Ladybug."

Ladybug.

Choosing to ignore the way that John B said the nickname, he probably didn't mean for his voice to come across with so much venom. He's just drunk.

"Yeah, yeah!" John B grabs at my wrists with forceful hands as I try not to gasp in pain. Pulling me in-front of him and the flame, shoving a stack of papers into my reluctant hands before hurling them into the fire for me, "Little ladybug is letting go," he sings.

"Okay that's enough John B," I said seriously at the boy, shoving him back away from me, whose eyes seem to waver at my change in tone turning to look at me with softer eyes than before.

I don't like this John B.

This isn't my brother that is talking to me.

He would never do this.

He would never have said what he did.

"Come on," I push him, not caring that he's drunk anymore, he is being a hazard to himself and needs to go and sober up, "we're going to bed."

Not listening to his protest and comments about me being a party pooper, 'I'm just having fun, Macy, what's the problem?'

Throwing John B onto his unmade bed like a dead weight, I watch as the boy can't even muster up the strength to push himself out of the bed clearly not want to be there, instead he just sinks further into the softness of his mattress.

Walking over to his window, I open in slightly, letting the cool night air dance into the room before pulling the thin curtain to a close, "I'll go and get you some water-" my voice hushes to a whisper as I hear John B let out a small snore.

Grabbing a blanket from his closet, I gently throw it over his sleeping frame, pulling it up to under his chin. He looks peaceful for the first time in forever. I actually can't remember the last time he slept. He's been through a lot.

'But so have I'

Closing his bedroom door over after leaving some Advil and a bottle of water next to his bed, I walk back out to the fire that the drunken John B thought was a good idea. Alcohol and fire. You aren't the smartest are you Johnny boy?

Maybe he's right. I know he was a drunken mess, but you know the saying; drunk words are sober thoughts.

Maybe it is time to let go.

Maybe it's time to accept it and move on.

Maybe our dad is dead.

Feeling my eyes sting, not sure if it is from the burning how flames that are dancing in front of were I am comfortably sat on the grass or the thoughts that are running through my head. I look over to see one thing left that John B had clearly meant to burn.

I didn't want to think twice about it.

We're letting go, Mason.

Just like John B said.

Reaching over slowly, I grab the last thing for the fire.

'Routledge Family Tree'

A home made family tree crafted by my dad. The only this holding it together is thumb tacks and sellotape. Running my finger over the loose torn bit paper displaying names from my family that I have never met, let alone know. One name in particular however, catches my eye more than the rest.

Olivia R. Routledge.

Chapter seven: FIN!

I had so much fun writing this for the past week. It’s been the only thing I’ve been able to think about.

I’m worried that I’ve made Mason sound like a know it all in this chapter with the Royal Merchant stuff, but I’ll get into her knowledge about it more in a later chapter.

So, a lot happened huh. We got some Mason and JJ moments. We discovered Mason’s fear of heights and that she actually pays attention in school... sometimes. Also Rafe being weird and nice for a change??? And of course, John B being an asshole.

I’ve had really bad food poisoning for the last two days so that's why this chapter was delayed in getting posted, but it’s out now :)

What did you think?

The next chapter is going to be filled with angst, so just a prior warning.

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it <3

I also might open up my TAGLIST again for the series, so if you want to be tagged when I post chapter 8 just comment or message me and I will totally do that for you :)

But yeah, thank you so much!

Lots of love,

Daisy<3

[poguesrforlife]

Young and Beautiful | Rudy Pankow - Part 2

You guys are literally the best! Thank you so much for all the amazing feedback for this little weird imagination in my head :’) BTW I have no clue how the movie business works or if this is even close to accurate but just bare with my fantasies here okay :D xoxo

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Trigger warning: It gets a bit very smutty people, be prepared, angsty ???idk

Word count: 3295 (so I went totally over the top with this once again)

Y/N just got the role of her lifetime, starring beside the cast of Outer Banks in the second season as JJ’s love interest. It’s a dream come true and gets even dreamier when she meets Rudy Pankow her alleged love interest. Lines start to blur between reality and film and Y/N is left wondering if taking a leap of faith is worth risking her career.

A couple minutes later you found yourself in your trailer alone. Images and thoughts were flashing in your head, all of them revolving around that kiss. That kiss that didn’t feel like a normal kiss, or any kiss you ever had before. That kiss had been pure magic. There was no other way to describe it. Alone the thought of it send your heart into overdrive and quickened your breath. 

And that wasn’t even the worst part, in a couple of hours you were expected back on set after a scene change and doing that kiss with Rudy over and over only half naked. 

You had to calm yourself down right this second. Your possible feelings for him couldn’t get in the way of your big break. There was so much more on the line.

A soft knock on your trailer door pulled you out of your thoughts and after opening the door you were faced with a grinning Madelyne and Madison who immediately snuck into your four walls for now.

“What was that?” Maddie C squealed as she sat down on the couch and pulled you down with her. 

“What do you mean?” You feigned innocence and looked at them quizzically. 

“Hun, you’re a great actress but not that of a good actress and neither is Rudy,” Bailey stated and raised a brow at you.

“Like, Chase and I had our moments on set and even JD and Bailey but we never got so into it that we ignored the ending of the scene,” Maddie pointed out, big smile on her face.

“Guys,” You groaned, just thinking about the embarrassing moment from before. “I don’t even know what happened out there,” You admitted quietly hands over your face as you leaned back.

The girls shared a worried gaze between them as they looked back at you.

“Are you okay though?” Maddie asked and patted your thigh lovingly. 

You were so grateful for these two in that moment. You wished you could just bawl in their arms and let all your frustration out but bigger matters were at hand.

“Yes, I’m fine… well I don’t really have a choice,” You mused and gave them a reassuring smile. 

Bailey looked at you with a sympathetic smile and closed her arms around you. 

“No matter what else might’ve happened out there, you were great. Really really great,” She praised you and you couldn’t help but laugh at her sweet words.

“Thanks for supporting my kissing skills, I guess.” The girls chimed in with laughter at that and you stayed cuddled on the couch until it was time to get back on set.

“You’re going to rock this,” Maddie assured you when she saw your faltering confidence the closer you got to that scene, “and then we can talk about it properly after you had some time to think.”

You squeezed both of the girls’ hands as they led you back to the cameras and the action. You were grateful for their support but the only person you wanted to talk to right now was Rudy. Maybe you shouldn’t have split immediately after the scene and actually talked to him so it wouldn’t be awkward now. But you were an actress after all, you could pretend to not care as much for just a bit longer. 

As he came into view with his soft blond waves, where hours before your hands had been entangled in, your heart stopped for a second. 

But he didn’t seem to be too bothered as he joked around with the guys and laughed carelessly. Had you been the only one affected by the kiss? Was he just a better actor than you had thought?  The thought stung but you knew it would only be for the better. You could be just as nonchalant as him. 

“What’re we laughing about?” You chimed in and smiled at the guys. You cringed a bit at your overly joyous voice but couldn’t take it back even if you wanted to as all eyes were fixed on you.

“Rudy just told us how terrible his first kiss was,” Chase explained and smirked at his co-star. 

So they had definitely talked about your kiss otherwise they wouldn’t be on the topic, would they? You tried your hardest to look unbothered by it, hoping your face wasn’t turning crimson again.

“Well, I sure hope that I wasn’t your first kiss then,” You joked, “For your sake and for mine.” You bit your bottom lip as your eyes traveled over his face. 

He regarded you with an amused little smile playing on his lips as he took you in. 

“What? Y/N, as if. Yours would win all the most passionate kiss awards in the country,” JD babbled which earned him a stern look from Rudy and an eye-roll from you.

“At Rudy’s first kiss he actually accidentally spit a piece of gum-“ Chase started giggly but got interrupted by Rudy pushing a hand over his mouth and pushing him out of your ear-shot.

“Would you shut up!” He warned him under his breath and you had to suppress a giggle at his antics.

You could imagine all too well what might have happened with the piece of gum and the poor girl. 

For now though, you were just happy that all seemed to be calm and collected between the two of you. 

Sooner than you would’ve liked however you were back in business and a dozen people were around you, giving you instructions, doing your make-up, positioning you right and and and…

You loved your job, you really did, but right now you just wanted some piece and quiet. 

You were led together into the bedroom of JJ in the Chateau for the scene. It was supposed to be a bit more intimate and shown sex scene than what Chase and Madelyne had done in the first season. You couldn’t help but feel a bit uncomfortable but this wasn’t the first time that you did something like this and you were sure no one would ever get used to that kind of film-making. 

The directors sent everyone out of the room they did not especially need to make it as comfortable for the both of you as possible which you thought was infinitely thoughtful. 

“You guys have the scene in your hands okay?” Jonas assured you as he went over it with the both of you. “You do only what you’re comfortable with and stop whenever you want.”

“Thanks,” Rudy nodded at his kindness and dropped an arm around your waist. “You’ll tell me how far you want to go okay?” 

“We’ll work it out as we go?” You suggested and he pulled you closer to him with a sweet smile. His lips met your forehead in a soft kiss and your eyes fluttered shut for a second at the gentle contact. 

“You’ll be great, I’m sure about that,” Valerie gave you a thumbs up and then cameras were rolling. 

Rudy’s arm was still around your waist as he led you to the beginning of the scene. 

“Promise me, you’ll be honest with me when it’s too much” He whispered, lips grazing the shell of your ear barely and a shiver went down your spine. 

You turned your head slowly, eyes locking with his and the incredible saturating blue colour. You didn’t realise how close he was until then. Just a step forward and you would be kissing him. 

“Promise,” you gave him your word and watched as relief washed over his face. A simple gesture as him making sure you were comfortable was worth more than any gifts and roses he could have gotten you. Your heart swelled as you looked at him, so grateful that everything in the world aligned for him to meet you in that way. The word ‘destiny’ was dancing around in your mind. 

“Action!” You heard someone call and then reality was hidden for the next moments and you were back playing a part. 

His lips found yours immediately, just as passionate as before if not even more, and your hands grabbed at him, anything to get him closer to you. 

One of his hands pushed the door to the bedroom open as the other sneaked around your waist and you stumbled into the room, lips never leaving another. 

“Jump,” Rudy or rather JJ instructed you and you locked your legs around his hips as he grabbed your thighs. Goose-bumps erected on your skin as you felt his touch on the back of your bare legs. 

The both of you were already breathing hard, as you couldn’t keep away from each other long enough to catch your breath. It was like your bodies were melting into each other, always closer.

At last his lips left yours and you almost whimpered at the loss of contact but he found a new home on your jaw and neck as he pressed you against the walls of the wooden cabin. Your hand locked around his neck, pulling at the blond waves at the base of it when he met a particular sensitive spot.

“You good?” He asked and you weren’t sure if it was Rudy or JJ asking you. The lines were blurred once again in your mind, but God yes you were more than okay.

“Yes, JJ, yes,” Your voice was slightly hoarse and you thought you heard him moan as he pulled you tighter to him and lifted you off the wall to bring you towards the bed in the middle of the room.

Gently he let you down and hovered over you for a second, admiring your flushed cheeks and red swollen lips. He pecked your lips sweetly over and over and you pulled him in-between your legs, wanting him as close to you as possible. Your breath hitched when he discarded his shirt and you were met with the bare skin of his torso. Your eyes admired every valley and hill of his muscles and soon your hands followed, carefully touching the soft and strong grooves of his abdomen.

A sharp breath escaped him as your cold fingers met his stomach and he leaned back down, reattaching his lips to yours. His right hand found its way to your waist where your shirt had ridden up slightly and you gasped at the contact. His hand wandered to the small of your back, pushing slightly, a signal for you to sit up.

You pushed into him further, your chest pressed to his and he was fingering the hem of your shirt.

“May I?” He inquired kindly and stopped his actions to take a moment to look at you. His brows were drown together as his gaze met yours and you instinctively reached out your fingers to caress the worry of his face. You nodded willingly before you pulled him back into a short kiss and then he stripped off your shirt.

Your head hit the pillows once again and you felt his wet lips on your stomach seconds after. You were only in your bikini top and a pair of shorts now and you tried hard to blend the other people in the room out. Rudy was making a fantastic job of distracting you on that part. 

You felt your heartbeat quicken, felt your breath going faster and you knew that this wasn’t anything you could tell your body to do. This was a genuine reaction to this wonderful boy on top of you.

Your whole body felt like it was on fire and drowning in ice-cold water like-wise. You couldn’t remember the last time somebody made you feel like that. The thought that this wasn’t actually real was pressed to the very corners of your mind as you stared into Rudy eyes, his shirtless form hovering above you. God, he was gorgeous. When he looked at you like that and touched your bare skin with his slightly calloused warm hands, it was too easy to forget all the cameras and people around you. But all this was just in your head and you were playing your part just as he did. How you wished in that moment it would be true.

He leaned down further, one hand on your waist drawing lazy circles there and the other one holding him up to not crush you. His lips wandered from your cleavage up your throat to the sweet spot under your ear. Your legs locked around his hips and pulled him closer, his groin meeting the spot between your thighs and you gasped at the sudden sensation, pulling his hair where your hands were entangled.

“Can I take your top off?” He whispered only for you to hear and goosebumps were flashing on your skin at the soft vibrato of his voice. 

“Yeah,” You breathed out and arched your back to give him access to the knot between your shoulder blades. 

His hand was resting there for a couple seconds without moving and you grew concerned and pulled back to look at his face.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” He was genuinely trying to make sure you were comfortable with the scene and your exposed body. Nobody in the world could’ve made you feel more secure in this decision than him. 

“I would do everything with you,” You whispered just loud enough for the microphones to pick up. You weren’t talking to JJ in that second, you were talking to Rudy. The flashing spark in his eyes and the easy smile returning to his lips told you he knew that as well.

He pulled you up against him and sat up with you straddling him, so your back was turned to the cameras. You gasped surprised at the sudden change of position but it didn’t escape you that he moved you like that so your bare breasts wouldn’t be seen by anybody but him.

“Thank you,” You let out under your breath just for him to hear. You looked at him with so much adoration in that moment and couldn’t help but let your heart fall for him just a bit more.

His eyes moved over your face, just like one of his hands, as if he tried to memorise every plain and freckle on it. You leaned back down to connect your lips and felt an enticing shiver down your spine as his calloused hand opened the knot between your shoulder blades and moved up your spinal column to your neck to remove the top from your upper body. 

You welcomed the sudden cold on your bare skin, everything was too hot in that second. But as soon as Rudy pressed his own chest to yours, creating friction on your nipples, it felt like lava was flowing through your veins. 

“God, you’re so beautiful,” He said between kisses and one of his hands wandered to your ribcage just below the soft skin of your breast, slowly caressing the skin there.

Your emotions were running high and so was your heart at his touch and his words. With your eyes closed you could pretend that he belonged just to you and nobody else was in the room. Just him and you. 

You started grinding on his hips involuntarily your body taking matters into its own hand and not listening to your mind anymore. You gasped when Rudy took one of your breasts into his way bigger hand.

“I need you closer,” He groaned and pressed his hands to the small of your back and your neck before he lay you down again, his chest pressed to yours so close, not allowing anyone to take a look at you.

His hand wandered down to your shorts and he looked down at you questioningly before you nodded and he removed another article of clothing. He removed his own shorts quickly afterwards leaving both of you only in your underwear. 

Before it could go any further however he grabbed a blanket lying around on the bed and covered both of you from the waist down and then pretended to pull your last clothes off as well.

“I’m gonna fuck you now, ok?” He groaned in your ear and you could feel his wicked smile pressed to your skin as he told you so. 

Holding your eyes locked to his he gave you one last sweet kiss and waited for your consent, which you gave, before he pretended to enter you.

You fake gasped as his hips bucked against yours and your fingers dig into his back as you held him close, chest to chest.

Even though this was all just pretend you couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to actually share this intimacy with Rudy. What he would feel like inside of you. What he would to you and with you when no one else was around. The thought alone made you wet and your nipples harden. 

His head rested in the crook of your neck as he moved against you and breathed hard, occasionally leaving wet sloppy kisses on your too hot skin.

“Fuck, JJ!” You fake moaned and locked your feet around his tight ass as you pulled him closer.

Rudy picked up in pace, you could feel his member even through the hard protective underwear he had to wear for scenes like that. And it drove you absolutely crazy. He through his head back, breaths coming in gasps as his hips grinded into yours.

You wanted him so bad that you felt your insides twisting and knees buckle. Your mind was filled to the brim with thoughts of him: his bright blue eyes and how they crinkled at the corners when he laughed, his brilliant smile with his adorable too sharp teeth, his sinful lips that drove you crazy, his strong body the shone in the late afternoon sun like a god’s. It was only him, him, him. 

“Cut!” You heard Jonas scream and the magic disappeared like somebody had hit you with a baseball bat right in the stomach. You could’ve killed him right there and then. 

Rudy hovered above you unmoving, still shielding you from the views of everybody else in the room and grabbed a shirt, JJ’s shirt, for you to cover up.

“Are you okay?” He asked once again as soon as the shirt was over your head. 

“Yeah,” You smiled at him thankfully, “Are you okay?”

“I am,” He laughed at your sweet question and pecked your forehead before pulling away from you so the both of you sat up in the bed. 

Your pulse was still a bit too fast as you faced the team surrounding you.

“Okay, that was wonderful. You two did great. Are you both comfortable?” Jonas asked and you nodded immediately. You were a bit too comfortable actually.

“I think, we’re gonna shoot this scene a couple more times, just to get some different angles and then just JJ and Y/C/N sleeping afterwards and you’re done for today,” Valerie mused and looked between the both of you and to Jonas. You all agreed and then the ordeal started all over again.

It didn’t get any easier to entangle your thoughts of JJ from your thoughts of Rudy however, no matter how often you did the scene. 

You were always just as enchanted by him as the first time. His skin on yours, his eyes, his lips, all this sent you right into an abyss of feelings and emotions where no return would be possible. 

You had always been good at differentiating between reality and fiction but right now you weren’t so sure if there was anything to keep apart. Because the way Rudy looked at you in-between scenes and during filming… it was the exact same passion and kindness in his eyes.

Tags: @lovelymaybankk​ @sspidermanss​ @1d5sosddl​ @arthiriticcricket​ @teamnick​ @lieswithoutfairytales

[jiaraforeverr]

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

Author's note: Hi everyone! This is my very first fanfic so I would love to hear your thoughts! @arcticaid requested this months ago, I'm so sorry it took so long! I started writing it in May, but honestly forgot about it until after I watched season 2.

You can also find it on Ao3 here!

Pairing: JJ Maybank/Kiara Carrera

Kiara lay awake in the spare bed of the Chateau, the heavy and humid air sticking to her skin and making her whole-body flush with warmth. She could blame her inability to sleep tonight on the typical end of summer North Carolina heat, but there was something else on her mind keeping her up. With all the windows propped open as wide as they would go, she could hear the creaking of the old hammock rocking slowly back and forth, keeping her mind from thinking of anything other than the person she knew was also pretending to be sleeping right now.

A couple hours earlier, Pope had said his final goodbye before getting on the ferry to the mainland, where he would be traveling to UNC Charlotte for his first semester of college. He was finally doing what he was meant to, to pursue the future that his friends have protected and encouraged the last few years. But now he was gone, not coming back to the island for at least a couple months.

And that left Kiara and JJ.

It had been almost two years since the gold summer. Two years since they had last seen John B or Sarah. The loss of their best friend had taken a toll on all of them, but especially JJ. John B had been his brother, the first person he really was able to call family, the first person he felt safe with. Losing him had sent JJ down a dark path filled with alcohol and drugs much stronger than weed. It had taken Kiara and Pope about three months to get him back on track, and luckily that included getting him out of his dad’s house and into the Heyward’s care.

The three of them held onto the Chateau though. No one ever came asking about it, and they never brought it up. Currently, JJ was saving up to officially own it so they would no longer have the constant fear of having the last part of their best friend ripped away from them.

With Pope leaving for college, Kiara was left with the impossible task of deciding what she should be doing now. Much to her parent’s dismay, she had already that college wasn’t what she wanted- at least not right now. She can see herself going in the future, maybe getting a degree in marine biology and opening a conservation center of her own. But that was for later. Now, she knew there were still things she had to do.

Giving up the fight with herself to fall asleep, Kiara sits up in bed, sighing deeply as she presses her hands to her eyes. She could help but think about JJ. She was terrified of what leaving him alone would look like. She couldn’t risk losing another friend. A part of her knew that deep down, she just really didn’t want to leave his side at all.

Things with JJ had always been different than it had been with Pope or John B, but even more so after John B’s disappearance. They had a bond stronger than ever before, and Kiara was unsure how to deal with the feelings that had come along with it. She thinks that they’ve probably always been there in the back of her mind. Every flirty comment or wink JJ had given her growing up had always been accompanied by a small tug in her stomach that she now has a sneaking suspicion wasn’t due to annoyance.

Walking through the empty, quiet house, she took no precautions to avoid the loud floorboards like she normally would, and with an ache in her heart realized it was because no one else was here. As she got closer to the back door, quiet music filled the air, confirming that JJ was most definitely not asleep.

She silently made her way towards the hammock where JJ lay with both eyes closed, but he still opened one eye knowingly as she stopped next to him.

“Couldn’t sleep?” JJ murmurs softly.

“No, I just willingly woke up in the middle of the night for fun,” she responds sarcastically, but with no real bite to it.

“Hmm,” JJ closes his eyes again, “I can’t imagine hating myself that much. What a horrible life you lead.”

“What about you, what’s got you up?” Kiara ignores his quip at her, wanting to get to what was on his mind.

He didn’t respond right away, the silence sitting comfortably between them for a few moments. Kiara reaches down and brushes her fingers softly through his blonde hair, prompting him to finally respond.

“What do we do now Kie?” His whispers, just loud enough so she can hear him.

“What do you mean?” She murmurs back, as if she was afraid speaking too loudly would cause him to retreat back into his mind and close up on her.

“Like, we’re not kids anymore. Pope’s gone, you’ll be outta here traveling the world or whatever soon enough. I just feel like I’ve got nothin’ going for me when everyone else does.”

JJ’s admission makes her heart stop, and her breath catch in her throat. It had been a while since John B’s death, but that in no way meant they were over it. And now JJ was facing the very real possibility that he could be losing his remaining friends as well.

Wordlessly, Kiara reaches down again and gently tugs on JJ’s hand, indicating that she wanted him to get up. Predictably, he groaned in protest, but still slowly pulled himself up from the hammock. They both knew he would do anything she asked of him. Kiara leaned over and slightly turned up the volume of the speaker JJ had set up at the base of the tree. The sound of soft reggae music filled the air making her smile. She didn’t think before stepping closer to JJ so they were chest to chest with their noses just about touching. She wound both arms slowly around his neck securing him to her.

“What are you doing?” JJ asks her, a small smile creeping up on his face as his arms automatically wrap around her waist, closing the small gap between them.

“Dancing,” she responds, burying her nose in the crook of his neck, breathing in the scent of the ocean, smoke, and a hint of sweat. She sways their bodies side to side, and feels him drop his head into the top of hers.

“Why are we dancing?” He mumbles, moving his body with hers.

She ignores his question, and just lets the two of them get lost in the soft music and the feeling of being close to one another. A warm breeze rustles the trees above them causing JJ to grip his arms tighter around her. The fairy lights twinkle in the branches, and Kiara thinks to herself ‘how could it get better than this?’

“JJ,” she whispers into his neck, “how could you ever think that I would leave you?”

“Because this isn’t where you belong, Kie. You should be exploring the world, saving the turtles and probably every other animal along the way.”

“I belong where you are,” she says, her voice just loud enough so that he could hear her. “And if I’m leaving the Outer Banks, so are you.”

“There’s nothing out there for me. I’d be dragging you down.”

“You’ve never been out there, how would you know? You could teach surfing lessons and fix boats in a new country every month. We could ride bikes and never have to worry about a car again. Imagine, me and you hitting every country that has an ocean, surfing every wave we can find around the world. John B would be so proud of us.”

Her voice trails off at the mention of their dead best friend, worried she hit a nerve. But JJ just pulls his head away from hers just enough so that he could press his lips softly to her forehead.

“He really would, wouldn’t he?” JJ says with his mouth against her neck now.

“We’ll make it work, J. We always do. I don’t want to do things like travel the world if I’m not doing it with you by my side.”

“When do we leave, captain?” JJ asks jokingly, but in a way that makes her believe he is serious.

“Planning starts bright and early tomorrow, and I think we’d be much more productive if we got some sleep.”

He says nothing in response and the silence sits between them again as they continue to hold each other.

“Can we do this? In every country all over the world?” JJ asks quietly.

“Do what? Dance?”

“No. I- yes. But I mean more like, just like- be together? Like this?”

Kiara didn’t even try to fight the smile that spread across her face at his words. She pressed a kiss on his neck, right below his ear. She knew what their relationship was right now was complicated, but in that moment, nothing made more sense. She was his and he was hers. Simple as that.

“We’ll always be together. We can be like this for the rest of our lives. On our surf trip to every country around the world, and after it and before. I said I’d never leave you, and I meant it.”