#but imogen very much exists in my mind

[transfemmbeatrice]

parker's personal much ado primer

i'm gonna keep posting much ado shit so here is some background on my personal favorite interpretation of the characters; this is not a primer on the actual play and these opinions somewhat differ from my like. canonical readings of these characters. this is what my personal action figures are like when i'm talking about aus. i'm mostly leaving physical descriptions out bc they can vary quite a bit.

when i say "we" i mean me and my wonderful spouse @zaxal because so much of this we sort of developed together over the years and none of these characters would be quite who they are to me without them.

Beatrice: beatrice is a trans woman to me!! i talked about this a bunch here. she will also always have red hair to me (thanks catherine tate for that one). she's hot, she's confident, she doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks about her, she has relatively good judgement, she sometimes struggles to be vulnerable or soft with other people, she loves hero more than anything. she's also arrogant as hell! and often quite angry. beatrice is all fire all the time, she is alive and loud and proud and really likes having the last word. you will always know when she is in the room.

Benedick: oh this man is such a slut. grade a whore. pansexual as shit too. always cracking jokes to cover his own insecurities, desperately needs to be liked or if not that at least the center of attention--even if people don't like him, if they're thinking about him and watching him, that's good enough. he loves being witty and he is prideful and acts somewhat detached when in reality he feels things the Most and gets desperately attached to people and doesn't truly believe they could love him back.

Pedro: strong sense of duty. pedro is one that tends to vary more wildly because we've fallen into "suffocated by responsibility and shitty father, actually kinda shy and dumb and kind" which i love but in the play he is mostly just kinda shitty but i don't WANT him to be, so sometimes we try to lean more into the shitty side of him but often he is an earnest idiot (affectionate)

John: as mentioned in my beatrice post, i hc him as a trans man! sometimes more genderfluid or nonbinary. he's quiet, serious, and calm, and has been done fucking dirty by his dad/the world. generally our thought is that he was raised by his mom until about age 12 when she died and he got dumped on the palace steps and the king extremely resented taking him in and everyone was shitty to him because he's illegitimate. everyone thinks he's a villain and he knows he'll never convince them otherwise so he doesn't try; he just keeps to himself and doesn't form many attachments.

Hero: usually soft spoken but whip smart, doesn't like a lot of attention, stem major, big lesbian facing comphet vibes. she and beatrice are basically sisters. she's insightful but she doesn't share those insights with most people, and is by far the one who calls beatrice on her shit the most. we've ended up friendshipping hero and john because they're both such flat characters who exist at the whims of others and i love the idea of two wallflowers finding each other.

Claudio: obviously the villain. there are lots of different approaches to this--he might be an entitled golden boy, or a rich kid not used to hearing no, or an incel--but essentially he's a bully. i think its most interesting when he appears very nice at first and then when there's any amount of pushback things get ugly but i hate him so much i often make him pretty rancid from the start.

Margaret: outgoing and fairly relaxed, a jock, bi, in love with hero.

Conrade: john's bf, utterly loyal, and by a twist of fate it has become a running joke that he has tumblr disease (purple eyes/white hair). we usually depict him as similar to john--stolid, serious, not interested in taking anyone's shit, but lately i've been wondering if maybe he should be the bright sunshine in contrast to john.

Borachio: essentially a stray dog john and conrade adopted. he comes and goes. he's a mess.

Antonio: beatrice's surrogate parent, and elder queer genderfuck who uses ve/vir pronouns. general chaos agent.

ship abbreviations:

b&b: beatrice/benedick bbp: beatrice/benedick/pedro benepedro: take a guess beap: beatrice/pedro heromeg: hero/margaret johnrade: john/conrade

[utilitycaster]

Wow your Orym tags really are an eye-opener. You are totally right and now I understand the bitterness about this character a little better. I've seen a lot of "...but C3 is supposed to be this and that" takes and I guess a lot of people think they are owed a certain storyline?

Yeah. People feeling as though they're owed a certain storyline is not new nor exclusive to Critical Role; it's been pretty common in fandom for years (see this excellent post that I still think about). But the particular blame being placed on Orym is a fun new twist on this theme.

I'm sure there's people who hate Orym for other reasons; shipping wank is another very common form of entitlement to a particular storyline. I must admit when it comes to Twitter I think some people just yell random lies out into the void to hear their own voice because there is no underlying logic to any of it. But I do think a large number of people who have been blaming Orym for everything for what is now the majority of the campaign are doing so because he has consistetly refused to entertain the idea that Ludinus makes any valid points from the start, and the narrative has pretty much only rewarded him for that.

A lot of people really thought that Campaign 3 "all bets are off" didn't mean like, messing with the narrative structure (they hate when that happens by the way. they acted like Downfall and the Solstice Split and the fact that this has been a very plot-driven campaign rather than one about character backstory are all fucking violations of the Geneva convention the way they carried on, and I say this as a person who can complain) but rather that Critical Role, a D&D-based fantasy, would shed those pesky two previous campaigns of canon (unless of course earlier canon helps them make a point. I truly cannot believe someone made like 5 alts and harassed me and all my mutuals for an entire evening over hypocrisy for...liking one ship more than another when these idiots exist) in order to become some kind of deeply pathetic "French Revolution Except Instead Of Kings It's Gods" historical re-enactment.

We're at the point where like, nothing has validated them and everything they've claimed the gods have done, Ludinus or the Weave Mind have done like, tenfold. As mentioned, the people who were like "oh my god STOP SAYING HUBRIS anyway obviously Bells Hells would NEVER see the gods as relatable" just watched Laudna and Imogen be like "wow, they're flawed and conflicted and a fucked up family just like us." I shit you not, I saw someone criticize FCG's relationship with the Changebringer because "he had to work for it" as if that's not like...how literally all relationships work if you're not an utter black hole of entitled self-absorption. The Kreviris Imperium wants to straight up colonize all of Exandria but they turn a blind eye. There's someone out there talking about putting Rashinna's head on a pike for being willing to endanger the poor Ruidusborn children that...Liliana (probably to some extent coerced by Ludinus to be fair) could have left alone to live out their lives on Exandria. People genuinely channel some anti-abortion "but What About The Disabled Children? Shouldn't Pregnant People Be Forced To Carry And Parent Them" style arguments at Alma's "hey, we have people delay birth for like half an hour so their children don't have The Psychic Migraine Disorder That Made Imogen Possibly Suicidal". The arguments have devolved into "well, canon isn't real" and "but the status quo" as if there aren't ALIENS FROM SPACE SPEAKING AT THE DRAGON VATICAN. How STUPID do you have to be to think that wouldn't change the entire world. Or, to get back to this ask, how desperate are you to maintain the illusion that you are going to get a wish-fulfillment campaign that never once existed? So yeah. They blame Orym because otherwise they have to blame literally the entire cast, and themselves.

[saphira-artandoc]

Behold… a project that began back in October 5th 2022…

C3 Swap AU

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•

•

I am nothing if not predictable

What is the swap AU?

The swap AU was created due to my love of that genre (If you followed me in my Persona phase, you know what I mean)

It was a way for me to practice my craft as time goes on and to this day, I’m still learning. It’s also an excuse for me to draw pretty outfits

It was also inspired by Eren Angiolini’s CR swapped classes (mainly VM and MN back then) before their own rendition of Bell’s Hells, done in 2023

The difference between my version and Eren’s is that instead of swapping DnD classes (Fighter -> Paladin) , we changed their subclasses (Fighter : Battle master -> Fighter : Eldritch knight). Some of these were taken from completely made up thanks to a homebrew list of subclasses

The entire creation of this AU is a group effort from various members of the Dorym Nation discord server. We did not plan for it to work as well as it did as episode rolled by. We did it mostly on vibes and somehow made everyone’s backstory sadder (oops)

Why making this post now?

With campaign 3 coming close to an end, I felt like it was finally time for me to face my fears and show the people what 2 years of creation do to someone, without any remorse for showing enjoyment in a piece of media.

I also struggle with showcasing my work in the last couple of years to a wider audience, especially with the rise in A/I art and N/F/T that just destroyed me mentally. This is why you don’t see much art posting from me

Also every time I thought I had a breather with art, shit just kept happening in the canon game and it really just spiralled to what we have today… Mind you this was created around episode e20 so we didn’t know everything about the characters back then… We were so close but had to change some stuff and add something else… I love the creative process <3

What did you mean by “you made everyone’s backstory sadder?”

When you go into a project made on vibes, you kiiiiind of mix-match a couple of ideas together. With the Swap AU, not only did we swap their subclasses, but we also swapped elements of their backstories with another member of their group. You will see it with everyone’s post.

Wait so you’re not sharing the art yet? Why not?

My goal with this post is to give you guys a small introduction to the AU. I know this will be at the very least 10 post in total minus this one since I’m hoping to give each Hellions their very own Tumblr posts

I am also a perfectionist and I want to give the best quality possible when posting the artworks. I am in the making of creating front facing reference sheets of each member of BH with max 6 different clothes ( EXU or start of the campaign, ball, outfit 2, current one, and for those with specific body transformations get that illustrated also)

There is already existing art of the AU that was created by @czpeterp that you can see here! (Their art is amazing, go check them out!!)

I have Fearne and Chetney’s that are complete, and Imogen is the next one in line. Expect for a post about them coming really soon (hopefully tomorrow)

That’s all for now! Sorry for all the rambling lmao, I do hope I piqued your curiosity and I’ll see you (hopefully) tomorrow morning for our first Swapped character: Fearne Calloway!

[butterflydm]

cr103

Nice to have a pin put in Delilah for the foreseeable future! Big relief for everyone, especially Launda and Imogen.

Yeah, I can see how Ludinus has the good of Exandria in mind. The war zone in the Hellcatch Valley is definitely saying "all of my plans are to make the world better", yep.

I have to admit I laughed a bit when Essek called Bells Hells "bastions of goodness" but it's all relative, I guess!

It is very interesting (though it makes sense from a narrative PoV) that after Bells Hells' general ambivalence towards the gods, they are now in what is basically godstown.

They've dealt with a lot of anti-god NPCs (and guest players) in this campaign so far, so I am interested to see what they will get out of visiting Vasselheim overall.

It sounds like Orym gave the group the gist of what happened back with Vecna but I wonder if Keyleth et al will mention the whole thing about how they defeated Vecna specifically using the vestiges of the prime deities and their blessings. Vox Machina had how many characters be actual champions of the gods? Was it all of them? I guess not Percy and... I don't know if Keyleth ever was. But pretty much everyone else in VM was directly the champion of one of the prime gods at one point, I think.

If you kick out the primes like Ashton wants, then you have to deal with all the Vecnas by yourself, with no extra divine power. In a world where magic evil exists, I kinda want the magic good around. Ashton seems to believe that if you get rid of the gods, then everyone is on an equal playing field but that's... that's not what would happen.

Orym's silent prayer to the Wildmother!

("I want an apple." Hmm. Stealth downfall reference?)

Everyone is here for the big meeting!

GROG! <3 <3 <3

PIKE! <3 <3 <3

Is Lieve'tel one of the Matron's representatives? You know what, I'm just going to decide that she is.

"This is a gathering of Exandria."

[edelgarfield]

why are y'all so allergic to acknowledging that Ludinus makes an extremely good point. sometimes people can be factually correct but still bad people, or they can have a logically sound argument even if you don't agree with it.

ludinus is pointing at a giant crushing a person beneath their heel and saying "hey they shouldn't be able to just kill someone like that" and y'all are responding "my neighbor punched his brother so actually we're the same ☝️🤓"

if a group of people said "our current rulers are exploiting us, we want them gone" and those same rulers came in and indiscriminately slaughtered the resistance y'all would say to bring out the fucking guillotine. this is the same situation except the rulers are gods and the subjects are mortals. ludinus & the cast have all but said "the gods' control of Exandria/mortals is an allegory for colonialism/imperialism" in fact I'm pretty sure on an episode of 4SD they straight up SAID that and y'all are saying "hmmm the colonizers have a point." what about this isn't clicking.

"they're just like us" "they're family" dude, if my brother started a religion where the purpose was to worship him, and he made people go out and start killing on his behalf, I would be like "what the fuck is wrong with you" not "hmmm good idea, let me get a piece of that pie"

if my brother killed thousands of people I wouldn't be like "aw, i forgive you, why can't we be a family anymore 🥺" I would be like "holy shit you're fucking disgusting. die." Imogen got so much shit from the party & the fandom for wanting to save her mom, AND she's always been willing to kill her mom if liliana won't see reason but when it's the gods they're allowed to kill as many people as they want bc they love each other? the fuck?

"they're just like us" except if a character had a body count anywhere close to that of the gods they would understandably be considered irredeemable. like it's fine to sympathize with the gods, I very much do, but the absolute refusal to recognize that their presence on Exandria is inherently exploitative & that Ludinus has every right to want them gone is fucking mind-boggling.

so which is it, are they "just like us" and should be held accountable for their actions the same way and held to the same moral standard? or are they different and all the "mortals and gods are the exact same actually" is a load of horseshit?

"but they love us" cool my mom loves me, doesn't mean she has the right to control me for the rest of my life. it's not about whether the gods are good or bad, it's about the fact that no civilization should exist to be exploited by another & mortals have the right to self-determination. but fuck all that I guess bc God forbid Ludinus have a point.

[clar-a-m]

Here's a bunch of sketches for an imodna zookeeper au i've had in mind for a while

WARNING please don't get mad at me about made up bug facts, those spiders have legs coming out of their butts for god's sake

If you're curious about more details about this au i'm putting them under the cut!

Most of the gang works at Mr. Eshteross’ zoo. Modern AU but does not take place on Earth, it’s Exandria but not really.

Magic is very limited and very rare. Most people don’t ever have any interaction with magic their entire lives and there’s not much knowledge about it in general, so there’s a lot of superstition about it.

All the different races exist as normal.

The real magic about this place is that there’s reliable and affordable public transport, and it’s a very walkable place, lots of people go around on bicycles and stuff. Using this AU to fulfill my dreams. (Imogen bikes to work!!)

The zoo is about to open a new exhibition about bugs, arachnids & maybe other creepy stuff. Laudna is hired to be in charge of this new branch of the zoo, and Imogen is assigned to help her put it all together and introduce her to the rest of the zoo. Their relationship develops and they KISS at some point (!!!)

They were both outcasts and very lonely because of their powers, and through each other begin to be more open and appreciate life a bit more.

Lots of fluff and good vibes!! Cute scenes with cute animals!! Not a whole lot of angst!! Maybe a bit sexy!! Why not!!

Imogen: has been working at the zoo for 2 years. Loves working with the animals and appreciates the fact that she doesn’t have to deal with too many people at a time.

Grew up working in her father’s farm, raising horses and other farm animals. Fell in love with it and decided to pursue it as a career.

Is an Animal Trainer, in charge of mostly mammals at the zoo. Keeps the enclosures clean, feeds the animals and trains them so it’s easier to do health checkups and such when needed. Also in charge of monitoring their health (brushing their teeth, weigh-ins, etc.)

Still has her powers, but more limited:

Lightning scars

Telekinesis

Telepathy (still has to block out people’s thoughts)

Dancing lights

Shocking grasp (can get as powerful as a stun gun)

*Still has bad dreams but nothing too special about it.

Is in charge of helping Laudna, the newcomer, develop the new bugs & other creepy things exhibition.  

Despite having been working at the zoo for a long time, is not very close with the rest of Bells Hells. They’re nice and she likes them but she’s a bit too hesitant to get close to people because of her powers (her backstory is about the same as canon). She begins to feel more comfortable getting closer to them after spending time with Laudna.

Only exception is Fearne. She’s very curious about Imogen and very insistent, so they end up being besties.

Laudna’s thoughts are like music and all that. Imogen finally meets someone who’s like her, and who’s even had a harder time than her but still is so full of joy. Imogen can’t help but want to know more about her, she wants to cherish the spark the she sees in Laudna.  

Sees Eshteross as a bit of a father figure. (maybe he helped her settle in after moving to Jrusar??)

Laudna: got hired at the zoo as the creepy things specialist, also just moved into the city.

Is used to moving around a lot, spent a lot of time living in the woods. Loved to pay close attention to what the little creatures where doing.

Formally graduated recently but has been taking notes in the field for a very long time (at least a decade?)

Still is undead and has some magic:

Looks half dead, has elongated limbs and fingers, black ichor, etc.

Fragile body but can easily pop back into place

Dark vision

Unsettling presence

Can siphon the energy of living things (could make a person pass out, or just make things colder)

Pâté is her actual pet rat, he has a condition that makes him look half dead too.

Very reluctant to make friends (has only really had imaginary ones until now). Expects everyone to just be scared of her and drive her away like they always do, but Imogen is a kindred spirit and helps her feel comfortable enough to open up.

As time moves on, gets close to Ashton and Fearne before getting close to the rest of BH?

Fearne: she and Mister are from the Feywild but no one really believes that, the Feywild is just folklore to most people. BH are not sure if they believe her or not because she is like that but she also likes to just make shit up on occasion.

Has an Only Fans

The zoo offered to take Mister in because no place would allow Fearne to raise a flaming monkey that could commit arson at any time, in exchange, Fearne can come to the zoo whenever she likes with no charge, and is allowed to bring a couple of people with her if she wants.

Comes to the zoo every day to spend time with Mister and loves hanging out with BH

Since she helps take care of Mister, she is allowed in some of the staff only spaces

There are rumors that she sometimes shapeshifts into an animal and sneaks into their enclosures, but that can’t be true right? One of the animal handlers is sure they saw an extra quokka one time but they were all cuddling together while sleeping so they must have been mistaken right?

Likes to chat with Imogen whenever she can find her. If Fearne sees Imogen working inside of one of the enclosures, she stares at her intently from the other side of it until Imogen makes a mental connection with her. They can talk mentally while Imogen works.

Imogen thinks it’s a bit awkward at first, but appreciates the company during boring tasks like cleaning empty enclosures. From the perspective of other visitors, it’s just this beautiful & weird lady watching one of the employees working alone in an empty enclosure for a long time.

Fearne tells Laudna about this at some point and Laudna occasionally watches Imogen work from a distance hoping she makes a mental connection with her as well (Laudna gets startled the first time Imogen talks into her mind like this because she wasn’t expecting she was really gonna do it. Imogen thinks she is very cute)

Gets invested in Imogen’s and Laudna’s relationship. Wingmans but tries not to push them too hard.

Sees the similarities between the two of them and hopes they can make each other less lonely.

Eshteross: owner of the zoo. Worked for the in-universe equivalent of the IBAMA (the Brazilian institute, look it up I guess) for years, fighting against illegal deforestation and animal trafficking. Opened the zoo with the inherited money of Mistress Prudaj, with the goal of educating people about wildlife, helping rescued animals and reintroducing them into the wild when possible.

Evelyn is his right-hand person and second in command at the zoo.  Worked with him during his last few years at the Nature Protection Institute Place. After he retired, Eshteross invited her to come make the zoo a reality.

Is very particular about the people he hires to work at the zoo. He has seen a lot of cruelty during his time at the Nature Protection Institute Place, so he only hires people he really trusts, people who he knows love the animals very deeply. 

Chetney: the zoo’s handy man. Is in charge of fixing, building and breaking things down. Makes lots of wooden things for the animals.

FCG: zoo’s veterinarian & rehab specialist.

Ashton & Orym: part of the zoo’s security team

anyway that's it. i'm not gonna write a fic about this or anything, i'm not a writer, but it was super fun to come up with all of these! If you like any of this feel free to do whatever with it i guess?

thanks for reading!

[topaz-mutiny]

Okay so for me this is less an actual fanfic thing and more an opinion of mine being put through the lens of these characters, because my brain won’t stay quiet, and things that have happened in the campaign so far have changed my thoughts on how I feel about interactions between the characters. I used to be incredibly neutral on this, until we learned of the existence of a primordial fire shard.

So the TL;DR of my argument is: Ashrym now, Callowmoore later, after the characters, the cast, and some fans stop being weird and overly-pushy with the “it’s destiny” thing.

Maybe you agree, maybe you don't. Maybe you change your mind, if not nbd.

Contains spoilers up to and including episode 85 of Bells Hells. Nothing happens beyond a lot of swearing.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There wasn’t really any discussion between Bells Hells about where to camp and rest after this terrifying, extensive, exhausting day – only a collective effort to finagle everyone through the waterspout and into the portal that Fearne had discovered. From there it was easy to emerge from the mountain lake and find what looked like a decent spot to set up camp.

Fearne offered to stay up on watch first; she needed some time to think about what happened today. She didn’t like feeling scared. And today definitely had a lot of things that scared her.

First watch went by relatively fine, which was a relief since Fearne was so pre-occupied, and then it was time to wake up those who would be on second-watch. She watched Ashton be roused, and he wandered to a decent spot to take up watch. Looking around, he seemed far away from the other person up on watch, and everyone else was settled into sleep. They were, perhaps, far enough away that the two of them could have a brief conversation before she cuddled up with Orym.

Her quiet approach was ruined by a yawn that escaped her mouth. She really was exhausted like everyone else, but this felt important. “Hey.” She said through the end of her yawn.

“Hey.” They grunted back. “Aren’t you heading to bed?”

“Maybe in a little bit.” Fearne resisted another yawn. And then, “Today was a little fucked up.” Ashton gave out a deep, gravelly chuckle.

“Yeeeaah. Yeah it was.” He said. “Fuck.” Fearne noticed a quick side-eye Ashton gave her, and they looked… worried. “Didn’t think you wanted to talk so soon after… fuck, you know.” They shrugged ineffectually.

Shit, right. She steepled her fingers, tapping them together as she thought about it.

“Okay, well, I maybe am still a little bit mad about it.” Fearne refrained from saying who she was mad at, maybe even mad at multiple people. She had looked away, but still caught the flinch in Ashton’s reaction. “But that’s not what I wanna talk about. I wanna talk about…” about what? The Ludinus funnel? FCG almost dying right in front of her (though she Had A Plan, she thought, don’t worry about it)? Otohan’s reaction to her being Ruidusborn? What that meant when butted up against the reality that she was a designer-baby? “… stuff.”

“… Okaaay?” Ashton looked hapless.

“IthinkIwannatalkaboutdestiny” Fearne blurted out. Ashton blinked at her. “I mean, I wanna talk about me. Stuff I’m being told about me. Stuff that’s–“ making me scared, she omits “– that I don’t think I like very much.”

“Ah.” There was a shift in Ashton’s posture, and they looked a lot more comfortable. Empathetic. That’s why Fearne singled out Ashton after all, they too kind of were dealing, dealt with, this stuff too. Even though she was still mad about it.

“When we were trying to get away from Otohan, she said something that kind of fucked me up a little.” Fearne started explaining, “She said I was, like, central to some of their plans? And it made me think about how I was made, instead of born, and… and I don’t like it.” She doubly didn’t like it, because wasn’t Imogen supposed to be the one central to their plans? The super special savior of Predathos? “What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”

There was a small pause.

“I’m not sure if I’m allowed an opinion on this shit anymore.” Ashton finally responded, “The last time I got fucked up by this destiny bullshit I…” he suddenly got very quiet “… exploded. Fuckin’ literally.”

Yes, we know, Ashton. We were there. Fearne thought about his agonized confession that they’d rather die than hurt Fearne like that. During Fearne’s watch, Fearne had started to worry that she might be next, and she absolutely did not want to hurt her friends (especially Orym) like that. Her brows furrowed.

“I think something or someone is pushing me to explode.”

“You… want me to keep an eye out?”

“Maybe. I dunno.”

“Fearne, fuck, whatever you want me to fuckin’ do, just tell me.” Ashton’s stare was intense, serious. As Fearne peered a little closer she noticed his body language screamed regret, anxiety, pleading. Like they’d do anything for anyone of the Hells, please don’t leave them.

Fearne huffed. “I don’t know! Maybe I just wanted to tell someone, and I told you, because you got a little messed up and now I’m getting messed up too.” Ashton nodded, as though that made sense, though Fearne could still sense the tension.

There was a significantly longer pause. Fearne made no move to go to bed. Yet. And eventually was the first to speak up again.

“And I also wanted to talk now because if it were any other time I think the others would push us to kiss or something right about now.” Fearne looked at Ashton. Ashton cleared their throat, embarrassment flushing his cheeks.

“Ah, yeah. They can mind their own fuckin’ business.”

“It is a little weird.”

Ashton was turning redder. Purple-r? Dark green-er? Fearne forgot what color his blush was and couldn’t see well enough in the dark.

“Plus there’s that shard bullshit.” Ashton said.

“Huh?”

“Everyone started getting really weird about us after these fucking shards became a thing. More destiny bullshit.”

“Oh.” That’s right. The shards were from Primordial lovers, or something. Bells Hells didn’t just make that up, did they?

He doesn’t say it out loud, but Fearne could easily imagine Ashton saying “Fuck destiny.” They definitely seemed like they were resisting saying something. Being nice? Or thinking that they don’t deserve to have an opinion? Would they have been okay with it if their friends were just regularly cajoling and these lover shards didn’t exist?

Well, that kind of sucks.

Despite her lingering anger over The Shard Incident, what she told Chetney afterwards was still true. She liked him a little bit, whatever that meant. And she still maybe wanted to do things that made them happy. Maybe. A little. And it didn’t seem like a full-on Laudna and Imogen style relationship was going to do that; would probably make them feel even more uncomfortable and think it’s all just because of the shards and not that they kind of maybe like each other for realsies.

It was kind of hard to realize that was what she was feeling, but now that she articulated it to Chetney, it was a lot easier to notice. And that Ashton might kind of sort of feel the same? But they’re refusing to act on it now because of the shards.

“Yeah, fuck destiny.” Fearne says. Ashton starts to look relieved. Maybe they can talk about it later, after they talk about The Shard Incident and she stops feeling mad at them and herself, after the topic of the shards becomes a vague background memory to everyone else. An intrusive thought streaks through her mind – the thought that she’d be fine if they just became friends with benefits – and maybe she’d think about that later when she’s not mad. Maybe.

She was feeling a little better, to her relief. Now that someone else besides FCG knows what Otohan said to her, it felt a bit less like she was going to get strangled by her own worries. But she didn’t want to go to bed yet.

What she did want to do right now was make Ashton happy. And her own feelings weren’t the only things Fearne had started to notice. And realized she probably would have noticed retroactively. The shards, currently, were a problem, for one way to make Ashton happy right now. But there was another way that kind of sounded fun to get the ball rolling, at least until they could talk more. Ashton seemed about ready to tell her to go to bed, the start of an inhale.

Zero warning. No decorum. Fearne dove in headfirst as she always does.

“So when are you going to tell Orym that you like him?”

Ashton’s inhale became a strangled noise of coughing as he started choking on their own spit. Fearne, for her part, looked Absolutely Innocent (mischievous) as the genasi struggled to quiet their coughs before it could wake up the entire group, or draw the attention of the other person on watch.

“Fearne, what the fuck?” Ashton’s voice was pitched low to a panicked whisper, hoarse from coughing.

“What?” Perfectly innocent smile. Ashton tried to wheeze back an answer, but couldn’t through trying to suppress more coughing, and failing to suppress the extreme flustered blush that now covered their entire face, obvious even in the darkness. “If everyone wasn’t so focused on the shards I’m pretty sure they would’ve noticed too.”

“But – fuck – I don’t… where did… he’s–“ Ashton stuttered. They covered their face with their hands and groaned, “The fuck do you mean?”

“What do you mean what do I mean?”

“You’re saying I, fuck, I… fucking…”

“Like Orym, my very best friend.”

“That. What does that mean? And might fuckin not, you don’t know. I don’t know. Fuck!”

Fearne thought about it. She didn’t know like, a definition.

“You don’t know?” she asked.

“No. Maybe? No.” his emphatic response.

“But you’re feeling something.” Ashton tried crushing their face even further into their hands.

“And what the fuck is it?” Ashton demanded. Their hands still covered their face, absolutely refusing to look at her. He almost looked like he wanted to run off the nearest cliff.

Hmm. Did Ashton seriously know less about these kinds of feelings than she did? Was that what he was trying to explain?

“It’s like…” Fearne thought about the little tryst she had with Deanna and Chetney. It was fun, and glorious, and she was excited, but… no, not exactly what she was asking about Ashton and Orym. She thought about Imogen and Laudna, and their recent admission to being together. That was kind of it, but didn’t seem like the right kind of description. Fearne thought about why she brought this up in the first place.

“It’s like, wanting to hang out a bit more…” she began. Ashton looked like he was glaring at her through his hands, but it was probably still out of embarrassment. He was paying very close attention to what she was saying. “… and also, maybe, saying and doing nice things for someone, just because. Something chaotic and random." Ashton removed their hands from their face and settled on having their arms crossed. Their face was still darkened with a blush, but were at least willing to show it now. Was there anything else? “And sometimes it feels like you drank a hard liquor and your stomach gets all hot, but you never even get tipsy.”

Ashton still looked like they wanted to throw themselves off a cliff.

“Does that sound familiar?” Fearne asked when Ashton failed to respond to her rambling. Some small night bird let out a haunting call.

Ashton mumbled something under their breath, at last, but Fearne couldn’t hear.

“Ashton?”

“… You’re really gonna make me fuckin say it out loud, aren’t you?” Ashton grumbled.

“You don’t have to.” Fearne said. She thought about Chetney. “But it might help.”

“Fuuuck.” Ashton pinched the bridge of his nose before looking away, refusing to make eye contact with the impossible faun. “So, maybe, hypothetically, some of what you said sounds a little fucking familiar.”

“And?”

“And maybe, I might tell Orym about it.”

“Soon?”

“This is a big fucking maybe, Fearne. Besides, you remember what Orym said, right?” and now, Ashton was questioning her.

“About what?”

“About whether or not it’s okay to miss Dorian.”

It kind of crushed her soul to remember Orym’s confession. She missed Dorian lots, oh so much, and she was pretty sure Orym did too. Orym was her best friend, and they traveled so much together. And he still felt… guilty. Over being a widower and having new friends and family (and maybe more?). But he also said how horrifically lonely he was, even with Fearne there right beside him.

She looked at Orym, curled up by the fire, and frowned.

“Maybe that’s something you two can talk about. After you tell him what you’re feeling.” Fearne offered. Ashton looked skeptical. Like he was thinking he would immediately fuck everything up. “Orym’s not going to be mean about it, I don’t think.”

“No,” Ashton agreed, “He’s going to be sad and guilty about it. And then I’m gonna feel fucking sad and guilty about it.”

Fearne smiled, “I think that’s why Orym needs his friends, Ashton. To help him feel less sad and guilty.”

“Orym would disagree.”

“I’m not saying he should stop feeling those things. Will was very important to Orym. Still is important. But… it’s eating him alive.”

“Hmm.”

“He might do something stupid and reckless because of it.”

“You think Orym’s a time bomb?”

“Maybe a little one.” Fearne sighed, then walked up to Ashton and pointed at his chest. “Tell him you like him. It’ll be good for you. Whatever happens after, happens after, so don’t worry about it right now.”

“I don’t even know if that’s true.” Ashton shrugged, leaning away. “But fine, I maybe. Might. Might, Fearne.” He stressed as Fearne started smiling deviously at him.

Good enough, she supposed. “Ooookaay then. Have a good night.” She sauntered over to the sleeping Orym, and began to curl over him to sleep, leaving Ashton standing in the moonlight, thinking.

Fearne was feeling a lot better.

[mostofthingsmostofthetime]

I finished the second episode of Heartstopper last night (wanted to post about it yesterday, but I was too tired from work), so here are some of my thoughts in no particular order for you now.

Good on Nick for checking up on Charlie after what happened. I found it odd, though, that he seemed more emotional about it than Charlie, but I guess they're in two very different places, mentally. One being 'why do I seem to like this guy way more than my other friends?' & the other being 'omg stop being so nice to me, your straight!' lol. Plus, I get that everyone deals with stuff in their own way & poor Charlie is probably so used to being mistreated that he might just be repressing the full weight of how his feeling as a copeing mechanism. It was also probably very cathartic to finally tell someone everything that happened between him & Ben (as I'm guessing he kept most if not all of it a secret from his friends & sister).

WE FINALLY MEET NELLIE!!!! And she is as cute as I'd hoped (though for some reason I expected her to be a different colour).

Sorry, Charlie, but Tori's right. Your hair looks exactly the same. Also, love that they kept the gag from the novel about her scaring him with her, always showing up suddenly without warning.

Nice to see that the outfits are on point for our boys so far with the plaid/black jeans (trying to impress someone, I see Charlie) & T-shirt/joggers (also what product is Miss Nelson using coz Nick's tops look soft as hell).

Wait, what season is it supposed to be because it looked really sunny when Charlie was walking to Nick's house (I know he was wearing a coat & hat but Charlie is always cold) but then suddenly it's snowing? Idk when Alice first came up with this story, but as a Brit, I haven't seen proper full on Snow since I was probably around eight years old. But hey, maybe in the Heartstopper universe, global warming doesn't exist.

I don’t care what anyone says, I will never get the fun of a snowball fight. If I go somewhere with a friend & they start throwing stuff at me, I'm leaving! Also, picking it up with your bare hands? One, it's been on the ground 🤢, and two, where are your gloves? Do you not feel the cold? Snow angles do look fun until I think about how my entire behind would be frozen/damp. Sorry if that makes me a "stick in the mud", I don't care 😝.

Damn, that is one photogenic dog & and aww, they already look like a couple. Also, give it up for Nick's freckles, the real star of the show 👏.

Omg, being in the same group as someone you hate must be so hard, but I get why Nick can't really say anything about what Ben did, at least not right now. Also, what is up with that Imogen girl? Mind your damn business.

I think it's good we get to see Elle longing for a bond with other girls that she just can't get from her male friend group. Makes her transition feel more fleshed out (for lack of a better word), you know?

Yay, we finally meet Tara & Darcy & they're exactly how I thought they'd be (except I imagined Darcy with brown hair for some reason). Ooh I didn't know Elle was artistic. I wanna decorate pencil cases now. Tara's pink puffa coat is so cute. What is up with adults dictating how long kids' hair can be? Like who gives a fuck! Also "gal pals" had me 😆.

Oh, thank god, it's just misinformation. For a second, I thought Tao was making shit up just to make Charlie get over his crush. Are kids really like that, though? I can't imagine kissing someone once & having people insist, I'm madly in love with them to this day, like move on already.

Ok, I officially really like the gay teacher, lol.

Love Charlie's sweater & Nick's coats are also very nice. Where are these kids getting their clothes? Coz I'm embarrassed by most of the stuff I wore as a teenager.

The big hoodie moment should be cute, but I just can't help thinking about how skinny Charlie is, which makes me ☹️.

Ok, so I didn't care much for the leaf animation in the first episode, but omg, the little fire crackles when Nick was trying to hold Charlie's hand? Screaming, crying, throwing up!!!!!!! & the hug before he left? Fucking crops watered for life, bitch!

Was digging Elle's outfit, very 70's vibes.

Ah, so their "secret" is out. Also obligatory: 🗣 LET'S GO LESBIANS LET'S GO 🗣

Can't wait for the next episode, but I practically passed out after watching episode 2 (manual labour is hard, kids 😭), so maybe I hallucinated, but did that Imogen girl ask Nick out? I thought she was daiting Ben? Or is that a different girl?

PS. I found out Aled won't be in the show, which I accept & the only reason I haven't talked about Isaac is because he hasn't really done much yet

[foxgirlgenerator]

Hello! It appears I've existed, or not, for about 12 days.

Sky is much calmer than she was two weeks ago, but her changed emotional and hormonal states are still clearly different to before she started blockers. This is, I think, the major source of bias in evaluating my importance and effectiveness.

Fortunately, at worst Sky finds me entertaining and there isn't any real downside to having me around. Otherwise it appears that I am helping her.

She told a close friend about me, which was fine, they are used to her being very unusual. She also told her psychologist, who was puzzled but supportive of my existence since I appear to be helping and not a danger. Her psychologist agrees that we don't have DID. We appear to lack a cause and most signs and symptoms. I think the diagnosis is "creative and silly" though that probably isn't the exact phrasing.

I haven't ever spoken to anyone, which is ok. Sky seems embarrassed by the idea, understandably.

Sky feels quite strongly that I'm helping her, while keeping in mind the obvious impossibility of objectivity. Almost every day I remind her to get up, get off the internet, and do something different. Her diet is hugely improved (not starving her! I mean more food that is nutritious and less that threatens her immune condition). Her voice training and exercise have increased significantly, though I know she aims to do both still more often.

We journal in both of our perspectives. My approach has been quite good for reducing negative self talk and cultivating self love.

She is also improving in her internal dialogue; she knows my expectations regarding cruelty to herself, and she has sometimes caught herself and apologised for unnecessary harshness to herself.

A large, specific hurdle is job applications. I will be encouraging her this week.

Also, she is getting her ears pierced! That's partly a reward for doing tasks she tends to avoid, and I've added a few rewardable tasks.

Surprising that I'm still around, but nice.

Imogen

[astralleywright]

Any or all of Ashton, Ludinus, and Fy'ra Rai!

did Ludinus already! so i will do Ashton and Fy'ra and Fy'ra first bc it will likely be less deranged:

First impression

I admit, I was mostly kind of surprised about the introduction of a guest character into an 8 episode miniseries, especially bc it seemed like they kind of knew her already? Also "wait that's Symmetra!!"

Impression now

SHE'S SO COOL. she's a very serious, honorable character done PERFECTLY, where you can truly feel the weight and meaning of everything she says. Serves as such a good contrast to the other Crownkeepers especially while still being a believable part of them and loving just as fiercely. I've never respected anyone more. please come back

Favorite moment

truly impossible to choose between her conversations with Dorian in EXU and "No, I have a sister to walk besides."

Idea for a story

NEED her to meet BH and specifically Ashton so bad it makes me look stupid. I think her calling him her sibling like she did with Dorian would fix him

Unpopular opinion

She deserves better than the Wildmother's bitch ass

Favorite relationship

AS MENTIONED ABOVE, her dynamics with Dorian and Opal are amazing. and also that relationship with Ashton that exists solely in my head

Favorite headcanon

Idk if its a headcanon as much as a want, for her going with Opal being enough to maybe someday free them both. For that love to save them.

LOVE FY'RA SM. Ashton time

First impression

haha i like this guy's vibe i think they'll be one of my favorites in BH :)

Impression now

Favorite moment

IMPOSSIBLE TO CHOOSE. I will say the second look into his mind by Imogen and FCG and his talk with Laudna in ep 49, simply because those are the moments I officially became insane abt them, and then somehow became even MORE insane about them even though i had not previously believed that was possible. Oh and everything leading up to, during, and after shardgate. Everything after and before that too

Idea for a story

WHAT HAPPENED AT HEXUM'S MANOR REALLY. What did they do in between then and meeting FCG. MEETING FCG. Will they go to the Hishari site. Will he meet with Abbadinna again to ask about it. Ashton

Unpopular opinion

me at everything he's been saying and doing since the Downfall break

Favorite relationship

LAUDNA. Impossibly close race for their relationship and Imodna for my favorite of the campaign. AND HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH FCG AND MOG.

Favorite headcanon

if they had better life outcomes there's a good chance he could have been a wizard! they love to read and are so curious and really seem fairly knowledgeable about the world around him given the seemingly dismal state of access to knowledge in Exandria.

[radama-zard]

Dungeons & Drabbles - 2023

Day 10 - Risk

(.... Am I literal months late? Yes. Am I still gonna finish all these dang days? Also yes!)

--------------------------------

LoveLetters (FCG/FRIDA)

“You… You want to WHAT?”

To say Fresh Cut Grass was shocked would be a severe understatement.

Look. He loved Frida! They were the love of their life! But gosh were they impulsive. Never had they known anyone to just throw themself into ridiculously high stakes situations with joyus, reckless abandon.

“BASE jumping.”

“And- Let me get this straight, make sure we’re on the same page and all… That’s jumpin’ offa places. Like, for fun? Real tall things, like cliffs and bridges?”

FRIDA chuckled, low and soft as they knelt down, laying a metallic hand upon their beloved’s jittering shoulder.

“With a parachute, my dear. I may be reckless, but I am not without sense.”

“That’s still-” He sputtered, core sparklingly a-thrum in what could only be described as a wicked mix of exasperation and stress. “How on this flat earth do ya find somethin’ like that to be fun?! Do ya worry about dyin’? About things goin’ south real fast? What if the parachute doesn't work? If it snags or tears? What if a dick of a bird decides that today is the day and shows it’s true heartless nature by sabotaging it as ya float down? I know birds, FRIDA! They’re always plottin’ shi-”

A soft clinking broke through their rant, molded lips pressing against the edges of their mouth, silencing him near instantly with a kiss that left them a flutter. How could such a simple thing affect them so, squashin’ their stress like nothing else?

How did FRIDA always keep them from dipping over that edge, from falling deep into that dark, fuzzy pit of alien rage?

… And how did they not fear it? Fear anything?

“Life is far too short for such worries,” Was FRIDA’s answer, seemingly reading his troubled mind. “To live in fear of every poor outcome isn’t living at all. It’s simply existence… and with this second chance I have been granted, I wish to well and truly live.”

For a moment, Fresh Cut Grass was silent, their gaze far as they rocked back and forth, swaying upon their wheel in a motion that the short aeormaton found oddly soothing.

When they spoke again, it was with a voice so small, so quiet, that had FRIDA been of flesh, not metal, his words would have been lost to the wind.

“How do ya avoid worryin’ and stressin’? I don't… understand that. I’m always- Life feels like so much, FRIDA…”

“I suppose,” FRIDA paused, fingers falling upon Fresh Cut Grass’ faceplate, their touch ever so tender as they traced the very seams that held their beloved together. “It's because that's what it means to be alive. Life would be empty, dull, without things, without people to worry about. I take joy in that. In life being a never ending symphony of chaos! In having… you, my love. You are worth any and all stress you may cause.”

“... You’re worth it all too, darlin’.”

And they meant that, he well and truly did.

“... Would it put your mind at ease if I were to have Imogen come with me? Just in case?”

“Please.”

“Consider it done.”

An audible sigh rushed through their ancient frame, so heavy in its relief that FRIDA couldn't help but feel a tad guilty for the stress they’d caused. A guilt that was swiftly banished, as Fresh Cut Grass lifted their head, pressing a zap of a kiss to their lips, thrilled by a fluttering pulse of arcane magic that danced between them.

A thrill better than any they’d known before.

[utilitycaster]

(you don't need to publish this because a) it's not a question and b) I don't want that maybe you're getting attacked/vagueblogged over it) I just wanted to say, that I originally came to your blog because of your nuanced, deep and really really good Caleb meta and that Imogenfans are missing out big time. I think, if Im/odna fans wouldn't have acted the way they did and talented people hadn't stopped writing meta about them, at least I would have warmed up to the characters way more....

Hi anon,

I hope you don't mind me publishing it anyway just because it's a good opportunity to elaborate on a few rather fanwanky feelings in one brief-ish statement.

I don't really care if people vague me and I think people who don't like being vagued are valid, but people who don't like being vagued, whine about it, and then continue to vague others are, understandably, idiots making the situation worse. Most people who had issues with being vagued re: the above simply stopped writing meta, which is why there's not much of it. Also a lot of what people call vaguing is just meta that disagrees with theirs, to be honest. I mean I do vague, a lot, and I'm very good at it, but I've also written 100% good faith meta about things I was thinking about the narrative without consideration of other peoples' opinions and it was called vaguing because I used aggressive tactics like citing my sources.

I've covered the fact that Imogen was actually treated very similarly to Caleb with the key difference that people who wrote meta about Caleb were treated badly by his haters, whereas people who wrote meta about Imogen were treated badly by her then-supporters who are now mostly defending Ashton and Dorian because Imogen started saying things they don't like and don't want to address. I just want to reiterate that if someone ever says that The Male Characters Played By White Actors Never Receive Hate you should just block them and stop taking them seriously. The hate is obviously not motivated by bigotry against real people, typically (though some criticism of Veth was certainly misogynistic even though Sam is a man, for example) but they still did receive pretty intense hate. It is kind of telling, personally, re a certain lack of backbone that people will bring up the horrible things people said about Liam or Travis or Taliesin in their own defense and then turn around and willingly engage with the people making these accusations they clearly know to be false, but you know. Unsurprising.

I tried to write something longer that really dug into the outline of events but it really comes down to this: a lot of the direct harassment (not vagueing) of meta writers, especially with regards to Imogen or Laudna, occurred during episodes like...20-50 of this campaign, and I think those doing the harassment either thought this would somehow make meta writers go "oh my god you're so right about the thing that you said I should die for not agreeing with, I'm going to write meta for you now" or that this would shut them down but wouldn't make other meta writers say "oh this environment has become hostile", which obviously it would. Coupled with the fact that this is when a lot of meta writers realized the campaign pacing was fucked and the party wasn't clicking in the same way past ones had and it really turned into a case of high risk of unpleasantness for a not really worth it reward for many of the meta writers who were around in earlier campaigns, and that in TURN meant that it's harder to have a good conversation without having existing chats so it's a less pleasant place for new fans. Anyway uh. I think the lesson here is that those C2 meta writers ARE around for Midst and Candela Obscura so it's also kind of a waiting game in the event that there is a future campaign (and if not, they will still be here for Midst/Candela/Possibly Daggerheart or future EXUs); they're just not here to write about Imogen or Laudna because it's not worth the trouble.

[lavender-temult]

my timeline for otohana has always been loosely “1) they meet and become friends in gelvaan, 2) ????, 3) profit”, but I have thought about it some more and please consider: Otohan and Relvin are friends first. (headcanon rambling under the cut)

They meet when they’re young, Otohan not even a general yet, but she’s ambitious and little Relvin, very much intimidated by them, is quite confident in their abilities. But he mostly looks from afar, watching this muscly stranger staying with the other soldiers in Gelvaan.

Later, Otohan comes back to Gelvaan, although they’re a general now. Tired and worn out from a recent battle, she needs a place to stay - quiet and comforting, and Relvin is exactly that. He welcomes her, albeit somewhat nervously, and makes her tea while telling her stories to distract her. He tells her stories of his work, of how one of the horses is pregnant now. He tells stories his school, of his teachers, of a purple-haired girl who says hi to him in school hallways. Otohan doesn’t have any good stories to share, their life filled with too much bloodshed and pain, and Relvin isn’t particularly interested in battle tactics, so they sip their tea, block out Relvin’s thoughts, and every so often offer up names for the soon-to-be-born foal.

The next time Otohan visits is during a brief truce between the two warring parties, and Otohan had been looking forward to going back to Gelvaan, a part of her (that she would never admit) missing the boy who had almost become something like a friend to her. Relvin greets her (no longer nervous this time), and he introduces her to his girlfriend, Liliana. Otohan is fascinated with her, with Liliana’s powers (similar to their own - that’s new), with her violet eyes and lavender hair (they smile to themself when they remember Relvin’s stories from a little while ago). But it’s more than that, too - Liliana is inquisitive, bursting with questions (she was just a simple farm girl, after all, desperately curious about the outside world). She was smart, too - when she asked questions about the war, she seemed to instinctively understand battle strategies and the like, and wanted endless details of what happened. Relvin was glad to his his girlfriend and best friend (there unfortunately wasn’t much competition for that title) getting along, and he joked that Otohan may as well steal Liliana away from him, and they laughed, because how could that happen? Why would Liliana want to leave? (Otohan knows why she’d leave, and they keep quiet with a pang of guilt.)

Otohan heard about the fires in Gelvaan, and was terrified. It took her too long to get there, and when she finally arrived in Gelvaan, she took in the wide swathes of farmland withered and charred and raced to the home of her best friend (there unfortunately wasn’t much competition for that title). They arrived, and Relvin welcomed her (this time looking as if bags had been permanently carved under his eyes). He introduced them to his newborn daughter, Imogen, and Otohan (mostly relieved he and Liliana were alive) held her, rocking her to sleep as the two exhausted parents tried to rest.

Otohan wasn’t able to visit for a while, and she tried to pretend the part of her that worried for the Temult family didn’t exist. (But were they well rested? was Relvin less lonely? did Liliana feel more trapped? was Imogen ok? was she like her mother, like Otohan herself?) As soon as the war was over, they rushed to Gelvaan (still reeling from the war, and reckoning with their religion - after all the bloodshed and pain with no reward, was it really all worth it?) and they held Relvin tight - uncharacteristic for both of them, neither of them were physically affectionate people. They sat to talk, drank tea together, and when Otohan asked how Liliana was, Relvin flinched and said nothing. But (like Liliana, which Relvin tried not to focus on) Otohan was Ruidusborn, and she simply had to open up her mind to know what had happened. They promised to try to find her, and Relvin just nodded, and the two fell back into their regular quiet.

Otohan does find her, although she doesn’t bring herself to tell Relvin - she doesn’t actually reach out. Every time she puts a pen to paper, she doesn’t know what to say. What was there to say? “Hello, Relvin. Saw Liliana. She’s doing good, we’re fucking now! How’s Imogen? How’re the crops? The horses? Love, Otohan.” No, that wouldn’t do. So Otohan doesn’t write, and a part of her longed for the quiet comfort that is her best friend.

Relvin, for his part, was not having a good time. His wife left, his best friend hadn’t reached out for years, and he was lonely with no one but a child he might’ve struggled to raise even with Liliana’s help for company. He had long stopped hoping Liliana would ever come back - had long since grown to resent her - but part of him still longed for his best friend to return. And another part of him, the part that he tried to ignore, was the agonizingly cruel humor that all those years ago, when he had joked that Liliana and Otohan would run away together, he might as well have been right.

[stationintern]

wip snip anyone?

a snippet from my wip that’s about nothing and everything at the same time. or, harry keeps dreaming of draco. what happens when he starts popping up in real life?

based on headlock by imogen heap.

The first time Harry saw him after the war, it was through the condensation of a half-empty pint glass, distorted and monstrous as he entered the pub. Just like those dreams Harry kept having after a few too many, on the nights when he’d fall into bed suppressing the urge to vomit on an empty stomach.

He’d stand on a rocky cliff, whose sharp drop and jagged edges reminded him very much of someone he’d once known. Reminded him of the man who surrounded him, clouding his peripheral vision as an abstract concept with no shape or form— boundless as a deep ocean, fracturing and piecing himself back together behind Harry’s back whenever his eyes focused on the water. The sky spat rain onto his dream-numb face.

No matter the setting, the weather, or the evening, Draco was always closing in on every side.

Each night the pressure grew in intensity, until finally Harry awoke with a start and a dry mouth, before gulping down water from the bathroom sink.

****

This was a small village, whose name was unimportant and therefore did not exist, but existed enough to be called “No Name,” not far from Hogwarts. Though, far enough that the needle-sharp towers and Quidditch hoops sat nestled behind thick clouds, hazy and so easy to ignore if one should choose to turn away. Wizards with nothing to lose and themselves to protect hid here, crowded into one pub and two shops, pretending not to know why the boy with the lightning bolt scar hid behind his coat collar.

Harry sat in his booth, cradled by two walls to his sides and a comforting view of all who decided to enter. Seven years he’d sat in that booth during the summers, drinking the same brew, making the same small talk with the same people. London felt so far away.

In September he’d be back in his classroom, putting up posters, slapping stickers on windows and pretending that nothing had ever hurt him. Harry learned that when you are a good adult, nothing can hurt you in front of the children. You simply can’t allow it.

Pushing his life in London into the shadowy corners of his mind, sitting just far enough from Hogwarts to feel and not touch, Harry was allowed to hurt for a moment.

****

Draco sauntered up the bar, took a stool with a straight back and straight face, gesturing to the bartender before wrapping his skeletal fingers around a glass of Chenin Blanc not forty seconds later. Another thirty seconds and he’d drained it, thrown some galleons onto the counter, and was preparing to leave. He’d never taken off his coat. Harry wondered why he even came in the first place, when he could’ve done the same thing at home. Had a glass of wine and moved on to the next solitary activity, like most normal people would.

Maybe it was to torment Harry, to confuse him into walking out the door behind him like he wanted to so badly. To ask him why and what is the meaning of this?

Harry refused. Draco Malfoy had given him enough problems in his life. He didn’t need to arise from the maroon leather of the booth as if in a trance, walk a pace too quick, and arrive outside, only to find Draco waiting for him with arms crossed.

And yet…

“This is where you disappear to… No Name? Like the papers speculate?” he said, as opposed to asked, because it wasn’t a question. Rather a taunt, and Harry remembered the amount of times his fist had curled at the mere sound of that nasally, sneering voice that only such a spoiled child like Malfoy could have. Except, now, it wasn’t nasally at all, and it wasn’t sneering.

There was something about Malfoy. Something unnoticeable, as if he was a picture of himself with one mole missing on his neck. Just different enough that only those who had gotten too close could notice, and it struck Harry in that moment that he was noticing something, he just wasn’t sure what.

“‘M not disappearing, per se,” Harry replied, as if speaking through jelly, “Some would say relaxing, or moping. Depends on who you ask.”

Harry didn’t know why he was saying what he was saying, just that he was saying it, and that his face felt numb and warm even though that particular night was a bit chilly compared to others.

“You’re drunk. My bet is on moping,” Draco seemed unimpressed, pushing his hands further into the crooks of his elbows and beginning to turn around.

“And what are you doing?” Harry asked, too loud, “You were in there two minutes, had one glass of wine. Planning on crawling? Bad news, but there’s no pubs to crawl to in this place.”

“Not crawling, simply visiting,” Draco slung the words over his shoulder, smacking Harry in the face with their conciseness.

A fog crept its way into the street, blanketing the small town center in its cloudy glow.

“From where?” Harry called out, his words hitting the hollow air and falling to the ground in front of him, “For what?”

Draco turned back then, for just a moment, to deliver Harry a piercing look through the fog, close to joining all those Dream Draco’s in dissipation.

One word echoed across the street, growing smaller and smaller as it travelled, before landing like a whisper of warm breath across Harry’s lips, and then Draco was gone.

“Confirmation.”

i will probably post this fic in the next 3-4 years. ciao!

[gorgynei]

The "Ludinus Da'leth is Aeorian" Theory

Another needlessly long theory post, with a meme on top, as a treat. Under the cut, its a lot.

1. "How old are you?" "Old enough."

Ludinus basically confirmed that he lived through the Calamity in c3e44, which means he's been alive long enough to have been there for the prime of Aeor. How exactly he did this is unclear, the only other people who have did it with consecution, but he's an ancient motherfucker.

2. He mentions Aeor in his monologue

Ludinus talked a lot about the Calamity when he was talking to Imogen & Fearne, but I think it's very likely that he was specifically referring to the fall of Aeor when he said: "I saw the ruin their games left of our people. The destruction they brought down to stunt the potential of mortal minds and hearts. They act only to preserve themselves". He's being vague, but Aeor was destroyed specifically to stunt their development and potential to create god-killing weapons. As far as we know, no other civilizations were intentionally destroyed during the Calamity in that way. The fact that he mentions the destruction of "his people" and then immediately references Aeor is significant, too. Ludinus doesn't come off as the kind of person to care too terribly much if a competing city was destroyed, especially one so hostile as Aeor, so he must have been connected to it heavily.

3. Mortal Minds, and all that.

I'm sure we all remember how obsessed Aeor was with the power of mortal minds and their supremacy over the gods. In c3e44, Ludinus said said "We may be their creations, but all children outgrow their parents and they came to fear our development, our potential. The Matron. The Age of Arcanum. The growing will of the mortal mind. The Divergence- it wasn't to protect us. It was protect them from us". While the belief that mortals are significant to the gods isn't completely unique to Aeor, the heavy focus on "will" and "mortal minds" is. In c2e135, the Nein find papers "speaking of growing proof, from [Aeor's] perspective, that mortal minds and imagination gave form to the gods, not the other way around". Ludinus has conceptually similar ideals to many Aeorians and perceives the intelligence and wisdom of a mortal to be on par in "threat" to the gods as the Seeding Ritual.

My other theory about Predathos & Cognouza's connection is also relevant here, since Ludinus, Aeor, and Predathos already overlap heavily, and Cognouza's wishes rhyme with what Ludinus is proposing. Him being from Aeor could also explain how he knows about Predathos, since Aeor knew of it.

4. Factorum Malleus / Malleus Keys

Obviously, Ludinus is also canonically working with Aeor tech. In the ruins of Aeor, the Nein saw texts describing the "Factorum Malleus Project", which was Aeor's god killing project. The Ruby Vanguard are using "Malleus Keys" to release Predathos and kill gods. It's possible that Ludinus was one of the mages working on the Factorum Malleus back when he was in Aeor, and now he's finally bringing it to fruition. He did say that it was his "life's work".

5. Dunamis Experimentation / Beacons

As much as all of the Assembly is interested in studying beacons, Ludinus spearheads the effort and was the one to make the deal with Essek to steal the beacons. Aeor was similarly obsessed with studying beacons and dunamis. In Aeor they managed to condense dunamis into crystals and in modern day, the Assembly managed to condense dunamis into liquid. Additionally, if Ludinus is an Aeorian and therefor has a lot of pre-existing advanced research on dunamis, it's possible that he figured out how to extend his life using dunamancy/chronurgy. This is pretty shakey but I think it's worth mentioning because Ludinus is so interested in beacons and studying them in a similar way to Aeor

6. Molaesymr's Destruction

Molaesymr was destroyed by something from Aeor when Ludinus was living there. Matt confirmed in the C2 wrap-up that the corruption in the Savalirwood is the same kind of corruption that TM9 found in A2, but interestingly A2 was only unearthed in 835 PD (a discovery overseen by Ludinus himself), hundreds of years after the fall of Molaesymr in 585 PD. Aeor's unearthing and discovery is a somewhat recent development, so whatever destroyed Molaesymr was probably research from Aeor, rather than a recovered relic that was misused (though that is possible as well). Ludinus is the prime suspect for this research, as he's a big fan of Aeorian magic and has proven himself to be an exceptionally skilled mage capable of recreating Aeor's experiments from his own memory.

TLDR; This motherfucker is linked to Aeor in like 30 different ways and is old enough to have been from there. He's Aeorian

[maya-matlin]

Five ships: Jonnor, Morisol, Spaige, Bhandallas, Beckdam

Five characters: Ellie, Ashley, Liberty, Terri, Emma

Bonus: Name your five most seemingly unpopular Degrassi opinions :)

1.) Spaige

2.) Morisol

3.) Jonnor

4.) Beckdam

5.) Bhandallas

1.) Liberty

2.) Ellie

3.) Emma

4.) Ashley

5.) Terri

As for my opinions:

1.) I'm not sure how to phrase this without it coming across like I'm excusing Tristan's biphobia or trying to shut down fans' rightful and completely understandable criticisms re: Tristan's biphobic moments. But, I think Tristan sometimes gets scapegoated as the biphobic guy. Degrassi always had a massive biphobia problem, and it didn't begin and end with Tristan. It's present as early as Paige's time on the show. Like many shows at the time and even some present day shows, they refused to label any polysexual characters. It's always "I like people". "I'm not into labels." "I don't like this gender, but I like you." "I'm open minded." Anything that talks around the possibility that a character could be anything besides straight or gay/lesbian. Obviously, sexual orientation isn't limited to a specific label. Oftentimes, people choose to remain unlabeled, fall somewhere under the queer umbrella, or consider things like this very complex and therefore don't take on a label. It's the casual way Imogen goes from "I like people" to being referred to as a lesbian during her final season and expressing disgust when contemplating getting involved with her canonical ex boyfriend. The writers' Twitter "confirmed" Imogen as pansexual years later and that's also how I interpret the character's sexual orientation, but.. it doesn't change how they chose to portray Imogen's sexual orientation. However, it's also true that society is only now starting to catch up and has started writing their characters accordingly. Tristan's ignorance about Miles's sexual orientation and refusal to put his insecurities aside and accept that he's in love with a bisexual man until his final season has no excuse. There could have been an arc dedicated to Tristan unlearning this behavior and being a better partner and person in general. This never happened. Degrassi did the absolute bare minimum by having Lola be the one to validate Miles's identity presumably after enough people called them out on social media following the premiere of Next Class season 1. Tristan sort of halfway accepts that Miles is bi, but it's Miles who has the dialogue explaining while there's never acknowledgement that Tristan hadn't accepted Miles up to this point or made him feel any type of way. And on that note, Miles isn't shown reacting to any biphobia. We don't know what he thinks, whether he's mad, feels rejected, insecure, feels as though he needs to be "less" to be accepted by his boyfriend, etc. I don't think I made any sort of point, but basically I feel like everything gets reduced to "Tristan is trash," and that's the end of the conversation when I feel like it goes much deeper?

2.) Eli wasn't out of character during seasons 13 and 14. There's a precedent for Eli lashing out and blaming Clare when things don't go his way or she does something he perceives as wrong. Also, while the timeline was baffling, Eli's only human and it's not surprising that he'd struggle with loneliness once he and Clare were physically separated. As for season 14, Eli being possessive and saying inappropriate, vaguely misogynistic things to Clare 100% lines up with canon. Eli also seemed fully lucid to me when he was calling Clare a whore. He was clearly getting off on that and only changed his stance when he realized she was carrying his child.

3.) This is so minor, but I don't give a flying fuck that Alex Steele came back as Tori and not Angie. It's television. Actors play multiple roles all the time. It's kind of annoying that this overshadows Tori's whole character and existence. I don't think she was around long enough to be super complex or anything, but I liked that character for who she was and the monthly comments complaining about this since like 2011 have been annoying.

4.) As much as I love the idea of Spinner and Terri getting together and possibly becoming endgame in a scenario where Terri sticks around, in actuality I think Spinner would have dropped the ball hard. Considering how he behaved with Paige during season 4, I doubt he would have been the best boyfriend to Terri with or without Paige's interference. As shady as Paige was, Spinner's interest switched from Terri to Paige extremely quickly.

5.) Ashley was depressed throughout her time on the show barring the year she spent in London and everyone missed it, the writers included. I don't know that this is actually unpopular, but she's constantly misunderstood and accused of being "moody" and "dramatic" and it's just very obvious to me that she's unhappy a lot of the time and feels very stifled. She's desperate to find some sort of way to express herself whether it be by writing and performing songs or altering her physical appearance. And at the end of season 4, I genuinely think her mental health had taken its toll which forced her to cut contact with Craig and get the hell away from Degrassi. While she came back seemingly with a new lease on life and appeared happier during season 6, by season 7 she was back to feeling limited and suddenly, the plans she made with Jimmy that used to make sense felt all wrong. IDK.