#but im so excited to start learning again and having this structure

[saltnsugarbear]

officially enrolled in my first course of classes!!!!

[millersfinest]

untethered | e.w

00s!ellie williams & 00s!miller!reader

wc: 7.4k

series: chapter one (you’re here!), chapter two, chapter three, chapter four, chapter five

blurb: it’s been awhile since you’ve been back home; in upstate new york where you’ve spent most of your life waking up early and tending to the animals that moo’d and meh’d. after graduation high school, and then college, the city life has stolen most of your attention. enabling you to visit only a handful of times through the years. when your lovely adoptive parents (tommy and maria miller) invite you back for a thanksgiving dinner—a troubled old flame from your childhood manages to get your attention, despite its explosive ending.

cw: lmao flip phones, some vulgar language, ellie cheating on her gf (kind of), the millers, r is a writer, elements of longing, ellie is #1 lesbian yearner in the world, some early 2000s references, thanksgiving, some physical violence, adopted kid trauma (shoutout to all the adopted kids!!), hella angst, repressed emotions, a little bit of mature content, eventual smut.

note: i have too much confidence writing for ellie. but here’s another series im starting because i realized the plot is too much for a single work on here, hence the 7 thousand words ijbol. hope you guys enjoyyy.

It was quieter upstate. Breathable and airy—you missed it more than anything. As much as you loved living in Manhattan, there was nothing like the countryside. Waking up to the sound of birds chirping and roosters crowing. Hearing the excited neighing from the horses you birthed and took care of. It was refreshing to be home again.

And, of course, you missed your parents.

They adopted you as a troubled child, and you’ve considered yourself lucky ever since. Babies and younger children were often the ones to be pulled from inconsistent foster homes, but they chose you. A pierced, attitude-ridden, thirteen-year-old who liked smoking cigarettes because they made you look cooler than you felt. And it helped you cope with the lasting effects of neglectful parents.

That trauma didn’t just disappear once Tommy and Maria entered your life. It was something that grew from nothing, and they were adamant in making your transition as comfortable as possible. You never experienced anything like it before them. Their strictness and structure did the opposite of what most would think. You went from sneaking out and smoking cigarettes to staying up late studying and finishing your favorite novels—still smoking cigarettes, though, but out your window. It was hard habit to break.

Once you realized that they could be trusted and had your best interest at heart, you gave them the right to parent you. Sure, it wasn’t easy. The three of you argued many, many times—but you respected them more than you have anyone else. Really, just for tolerating you.

The Miller’s were always very family oriented and social. Sunday nights always managed to be a grand event—Tommy grilling in the acred backyard, Maria handling the food items that could be cooked inside, and you diligently decorating and setting the table. Football Sundays were always the worst, but they were great memories to think about. That was the first time you met, basically, the love of your life at the time. Ellie Williams.

It was 1995 when you had completely fallen in love with her—only knowing her for around three years. Joel Miller wasn’t really her father, or adoptive father, he was just somebody who took care of her. He owned a guitar shop that sold, obviously, guitars and other instruments alike; as well as holding lessons for those wanted to learn how to play.

The story goes: Joel was working the register on a very slow day when Ellie showed up. There was a shiner on her eye, but she insisted that she was fine—asking for lessons with crumbled cash and dirty coins. She couldn’t afford the lessons on her own, so he gave her a job and proceeded with teaching her how to play.

She grew up similar to you; hidden under the confines of foster care. The only difference was, she was never adopted. At least not until the age of seventeen, when she’d spent so much time with Joel that she had a decorated bedroom in his house. They both had commitment issues, but after Tommy convinced him to do the paperwork… He did. Surprising her on her seventeenth birthday. However, the outcome didn’t really go to plan. Not how anyone would have expected it.

It was 1997 when she completely broke your heart… Not to be cheesy or anything.

Her seventeenth birthday was hosted at your house, on the farm. You knew her the most out of everyone, so you made it your mission to make this the best birthday ever. Decorating had become a hobby of yours after so many Sunday dinners—you spent all day stringing up lights and colorful streamers. Maria helping you out with a homemade cake that said: Happy Birthday Els! You were too anxious to write the words yourself, so you let her do it instead. You were even sure to invite the friends you shared; demanding they each brought presents to show how much they cared about her.

Joel had showed up before she did; just in time so they could all hide and jump out with big smiles on your faces when Ellie arrived. You would always remember the feeling of hearing the rumbling of her truck coming to a stop. And the shy smile on her face when everyone jumped out from behind furniture—blowing birthday kazoo’s. It was picturesque!

Dina had trotted over to her, snapping a blue paper cone birthday hat over her head. While you walked over with her birthday cake in your hands, brightened with seventeen candles. “Happy seventeenth, Ellie.” You had spoken, warmly. A bashful grin spreading onto your lips. She looked at you with such awe in that moment. Blowing out her candles and kissing your cheek, muttering a blushing ‘I fuckin’ love you’.

You knew about her surprise adoption papers before the party had started, excitement running through your veins when Joel meandered toward her—handing her an envelope of hope. Ellie took it, eyeing him, skeptically. “Open it!” You urged—that was your mistake.

Chortling, she broke open the envelope, not caring if it tore. When she pulled out the certificate, reading the words on the page, her entire face dropped. “Adoption papers?” Her eyes squinted in disgust, glaring at Joel. The smile fell from your face, lips parting in slight shock. Her olive eyes glanced around the room, seeing the fallen expressions clouding everyone’s features. Landing on your fallen face, briefly—a look exclaiming, ‘how could you’. Freckled cheeks heating up in embarrassment and… Anger. “Joel, what the fuck?” She blinked at him, shoving the papers into his chest, then storming out of the house. Hands ripping the hat from the top of head, throwing it to the ground. The screen door creaking obnoxiously as she exited. It all happened so fast.

He quickly followed her out, calling for her, desperately.

Awkwardly, you turned to the frozen people around you. “Anybody want cake? It’s german c— chocolate.” You stammered, trying to keep your composure. Looking to Maria and Tommy for some sort of consolation, you frowned, placing the cake on the counter before fleeing to the bathroom.

You clenched at the roots of your hair, pacing around the bathroom. You could hear remnants of a solo screaming match from outside the bathroom window, causing you to grit your teeth. The papers were supposed to be a good thing! Ellie had always been a hothead—easily agitated like a stray kitten is distress. There were even moments where the two of you went at it. Until one of you caved, begging for affection as an apology. Your nerves burned at the idea of her not liking the surprise—was that selfish?

Instead of remaining in the bathroom, you swung open the door with your eyes fixed on the front door. Hands clenched at your sides, you walked through the kitchen, where Tommy tried to liven up the mood by handing out pieces of cake.

He tried calling your name, but you brushed him off, pushing open the screen door with an attitude that could be felt with every step you took. The brisk autumn air hit your exposed skin, the long-sleeve striped shirt not doing much to keep you warm.

Striding around the side of the house, you seen Joel and Ellie having a stern conversation. But by the time your eyes landed on them, they were in a beat of silence. Joel shaking his head with his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Ellie had her arms stubbornly crossed, frowning. When her eyes found yours, he turned around to leave. “She’s all yours…” He solemnly sighed, walking back into the house. The adoption papers crumbled up in his hands.

Biting your bottom lip, you approached her with your arms crossed for warmth. “What happened, Ellie?” Your voice dragged, tiredly. There was something always wrong with her. “We just wanted to do something nice for you… Why’d you have to go and ruin it—?”

“Oh, I’m the one who ruined it?” She scoffed, a sneer resting on her lips. “I’m not the one who brought the fucking adoption papers!” Ellie exclaimed, gesturing broadly with her hands. When she was up in arms, she always gesticulated more. “Did you have anything to do with this? Because if you did—“

You interrupted her with scrutinizing glare. “So, what if I did? I thought this would make you happy, Ellie… Don’t you understand?”

“You had me open that in front of everyone knowing what was inside— and you thought that’d make me happy?” Her lips arched in disgust. “Clearly, you don’t know me at all.” Her words were venomous, lips twitching in anger.

There was nobody who understood you more than Ellie, and vice versa. You just got each other because you came from similar backgrounds—that was your glue. You don’t know me at all. That was new.

With your eyes growing warm with tears, your tongue rolled in your mouth. “I spent all day setting this up… For you. Because I love you, Ellie. I don’t know you— that’s bullshit if I ever heard it.” Your voice cracked, but you refused to let a tear run down your cheek. This was no time for tears—if she could get angry, so could you.

“I’ve known you long enough to have some semblance of understanding on why you’re upset, right now— that’s for damn sure.” You paused, averting your eyes to concentrate on keeping your rising emotions at bay. She watched you, cheeks still red with anger. “I’m gonna give you ten minutes— ten, Ellie! If you don’t get your ass back in there in next ten fucking minutes…” You lick your lips, shaking your head. “We’re over. Done!”

Giving a final glare, you turned to head back inside. “I can’t keep dealing with this shit.” You mutter, under your breath.

“So that’s what it is… Dealing with me?” Ellie voiced, a sliver of disappointment slipping in her moment of anger.

Wiping your cheeks, you peered over your shoulder. “What?”

“You got this perfect little life… Huh?” She began, approaching you intimidatingly. “The loving parents, the farmhouse— you became the perfect daughter for them… Gets the grades, does everything she can to appease them. This fuckin’ fantasy world that you chose to live in all because you wanted someone to love you… Fuckin’ pathetic.”

“Ellie…” You warned.

“Well, newsflash, little-miss-perfect— not everybody wants that! Not everybody wants to play pretend for the rest of their fucking life just to be—“

It happened before you could stop it, fists clenching at your sides as she bad mouthed you till oblivion. Your soft spot—and she knew all about that. Both of you grew up as kids who got into fights and disputes more times than anyone could count; you just decided to clean up your act. However, that troubled twelve to thirteen-year-old still resided inside of you. And, in that moment, she wasn’t your doting girlfriend—she was someone punching down on you.

Your knuckles collided with the side of her face, knocking into her cheek bone. Features scowling as if she were a stranger. Ellie stumbled, holding onto her face with surprised eyes. For a second the version of her you loved came through, but she quickly recovered. Her lips curling at the ends, taunting you. “I knew you still had it in you… You’re no better than me.”

There it was.

Not only was it the straw that broke the camels back—it was the truth. The ultimate truth. Behind all of your petty little arguments. Behind all her wild bursts of anger. She was jealous of you. Grunting behind your teeth, you charged at her. Taking the collar of her jacket as her back hit the gravelly ground. Straddling her, you didn’t hear the rushing feet hitting the porch. You could feel her hands settling loosely on your calves, only angering you more. “I did the fucking work— nobody else but me!” Tears poured down your cheeks. “I am better than you. Because I fucking try—“

Arms pulled you off her body, wrapping around your abdomen. It was Tommy, questioning you in your ear, but you weren’t listening. “Everything went to shit because of you! Remember that!” Dina and Jesse rushed to her side, but she only sat up watching you get pulled back inside. They glared at your forced retreat—they were always more friends with her than they were with you.

Tommy released you, with a disappointed sigh. Maria walking inside, shutting the door behind her, frowning. You heaved, looking at all the decorations that mocked you. Sparkling and shining against the dim lights in the room. The barely eaten cake sat on the counter in the kitchen making fun of you—it was all too much.

“What the hell has gotten into you, y/n?!” Maria pointedly, asked. Not really wanting a response.

“What’s gotten into me?! What’s gotten into her—!” You pointed to the door as if she replaced it.

The blond man leaned his elbows on the kitchen counter, bending at his hips. “Well, I don’t think it matters what’s gotten into her if you put your hands on her, Bug.” Tommy spoke, evenly. He was always the calmer of the two. “Did you… Did you put your hands on her?”

Maria stood with her hands on her hips. “What did we say about fighting—? And you don’t hit your girlfriend— you don’t hit the people that you care about!” She scolded, pointing her finger. “We raised you better than that…”

Your lips quivered, guilt setting in. “I didn’t mean to hit her! She wanted— she wanted me to… I swear!”

He glanced at his wife. “She wanted you to hit her?” Tommy deadpanned, pressing his lips into a line.

They both looked at you with separate expressions. Maria clearly overwhelmed with disappointment and utter disbelief. The same look she gave you when she caught you smoking cigarettes at the barn when you were fourteen—when you told her you quit. Tommy had an expression of pity, like he often did. That same look he gave when you had a meltdown at school when you first moved in with them.

More tears began to roll down your cheeks. “Maria… Tommy… She pushed me. Why would she do that? Why would she—“ You began to ramble, knees growing weak. Your strict mother-figure rushed to your side, catching you before you fell. “I didn’t mean to… I didn’t want to— she was just being so mean.”

Sinking to the floor with you, her hands caressed your hair. Maria looked to Tommy, mouthing for him to go check on Ellie.

Outside, Ellie was dismissing the weary questions from her friends. She’d never seen you act in such an unruly way. Every time she came over, there wasn’t a hair that was out of place on your head. She was always the one acting out, swearing like a sailor. Sure, she knew about your smoking habit, but that was nothing.

Your girlfriend was envious of how everything was panning out for you—college was around the corner. You had an acceptance letter from your dream school, and without a doubt, you were leaving for the city. Leaving her behind to rot in the country. It wasn’t fair!

That adoption letter felt like pity. She wasn’t a fan of that feeling either.

As a bruise formed on her cheek, guilt settled into the pit of her stomach. Ellie had every intention on seeing the side of you that everyone talked about with a past tense that indicated warning. She needed to prove to herself that you weren’t the perfect person she saw you to be—but all that was left behind was remorse and a sore cheek.

She watched as Joel and Tommy stepped aside to talk. Their eyes glancing back and forth between the door and Ellie, as she leaned against her rusted red truck.

“I can’t believe she would do something like that… On your birthday?” Dina shook her head, with her arms crossed.

“It’s not like her…” Jesse narrowed his eyes at the auburn-haired girl. “What’d you do?”

Dina smacked his chest. “Jessie! She’s literally the victim here— domestic abuse!”

He sucked his teeth, rolling his eyes. “I’m not saying what she did was right.” Jessie began. “I’m saying that I know Ellie Williams, and I know how she is— she’s a pusher.”

The bruised seventeen-year-old scoffed.

“Yeah, I said it.” He stood tall, a small smirk playing on his lips. “You’re a pusher. Hell, you’re a professional pusher— you push people for a fucking living.” Dina glared at him, threatening to hit him again. “I mean, there was that one time… When we went into the city for that comic convention, and you completely obliterated Joel for worrying about you—“

The dark-haired, freckled teenager pushed her boyfriend out of the way taking his place. “We don’t have to relive that…”

Ellie rolled her tongue in her mouth. “Look, I know this is my fault…”

“Ellie… You’re the one with the bruise forming on your face.” She reached up, rubbing her cheek. Her wincing under her touch.

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, squeezing her red eyes. “Yeah, and if it weren’t for me— for what I said… I wouldn’t have this fuckin’ bruise.” Ellie peered at where Joel and Tommy were speaking. They were wrapping up, giving brotherly hugs. “I am a pusher… And now my girlfriend hates me.” She pouted, tears welling up in her eyes. The blond Miller waved a hand at her, giving a tight-lipped smile that screamed I’m sorry. “I gotta go…” She pulled her keys from her pocket, getting into her truck.

That was the last full conversation the two of you had. Horrible, but the last. Everything in between then and the present was short and empty. Light conversations that only strangers and acquaintances shared. Letters here and there. It was a dispute that was so nuanced, for the first year after that, Joel barely said a word to you. Which bled into his relationship with Tommy. Maria tried to play middleman, but it didn’t work.

Perhaps, that was the reason you kept your distance. You didn’t want to continue to be the wedge that formed between two brothers. While you loved your parents, they were only a phone-call away. And, in the meantime, you could focus on growing in your career. Focusing on your book writing, instead.

You just wanted to forget about what happened when you were an emotionally undeveloped seventeen-year-old, but every time you seen her face—you remembered. So, avoiding Ellie Williams was a mission within itself.

A mission you were hoping you weren’t going to have to endure this year.

“You know,” Tommy began, sipping his fresh coffee. “Joel’s coming down from Jersey for the week.”

As you looked through the fridge, you snapped your head in his direction. “Is he now…?” You slowly question. Letting the fridge door shut on its own. The blonde woman to his right, sitting at the island counter, chuckled. Flipping through the interior design magazine you brought for her.

“And he’s picking up Ellie from the city.”

“What!” You exclaim, rushing to the opposite side of the counter. Pulling the mug from his lips, a surprised squeak left your throat. “Uh, dad… You forgot to mention on the several phone calls that we had in that last month that Ellie moved to the city.”

Maria perked up, pushing a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, she’s been there for about a year now… Brooklyn, is it?” She looked to her husband for clarification. He nodded, peering up at you with a plain expression.

“A year?! And none of you told me?”

“Bug, you did say that you didn’t want us to bring her up anymore unless you asked.” Maria stood to her feet, meandering to the stove and oven. “But that does remind me… They should be here in a few hours. Wanna help with the brownies?” She preheated the oven, walking around you casually.

Your mouth fell open, glancing between the two of them. “Okay, so they get brownies, and I get the worst news of my life…” An apron with your nickname embroidered on the front, Bug, hung in your mother's hand as an offering. “Yes, I’ll help with the brownies— this is very cruel to your very successful daughter.”

Tommy waved his hand, dismissively. “C’mon, that incident happened years ago now. You’re twenty-five, I’m sure she’s gotten over it.”

Tying the string around your neck and back, you pressed your lips into a line. It wasn’t really about her—you weren’t over it. You still harbored the same guilt you felt when you settled in your room that night. A crazy mixture of resentment and remorse all rolled up into one feeling; as you settled in your reading nook, with your hand out the window holding a burning cigarette with your index and middle finger. “I’m sure she has…”

Eventually, you switched the conversation around while baking. Falling into fits of laughter from mentioning past stories of your teenagehood. Teaming up with Maria to make fun of Tommy and his aging—all of a sudden, he was beginning to have a knack for playing a checkers. Only old people enjoyed playing checkers. Then, the waiting began.

To busy yourself, you pulled out your computer and brought it to the porch. Even though, you were taking some time off at your publishing job; when it came to your book writing, you had an agent to keep flooding your inbox with emails. Telling you to do this and do that—it was obnoxious. But you did as she asked anyway.

Typing away, a puff of nicotine fled from your lips. Murmuring under your breath, the words that were populating on the screen. On your hip, your phone rang, causing you to throw your head back in slight agony. Something always interrupted you when you were flowing. Flipping open your phone, the decorative chain swinging around as you placed it against your ear. “Hello,” You spoke, stubbing out your cigarette.

It was your roommate and closest friend, Sierra, complaining about the neighbors. Her strong long island accent echoing through the phone. “Oh, my God— they’re so loud! You’d think gettin’ an apartment in a nicer building would thicken the walls.” She groaned on the other end. “Please, come back. At least to tell them to shut up, and then you could go back upstate.”

“Why don’t you… I don’t know…” You shut your laptop, replacing your butt with the boxy electronic. Strolling to the far end of the porch, leaning your arms against the bannister. “Tell them yourself?” An amused smile spread on your lips.

Sierra paused. “Because that’s your job. I’m the nice one, remember?”

“Okay, well I can’t leave. I just got here, and I’m not spending another grand on taxi fare.”

“I’ll spot you.” You could hear her smile on the end.

“Sierra, I’m not coming back until Saturday. So, your only options are to either bang on their door— telling them to shut the hell up— or you suffer listening to their relentless daytime sex.” As you spoke, a truck began rolling up the driveway. Identities unclear due to the intense window tint, but you knew exactly who it was. However, there were three heads in that truck.

She groaned on the other end of the line. “Ugh! I hate you—“

“You love me!” You grinned, but it dropped right off your face when the people exited the vehicle. From the driver's seat, it was Ellie; then, it was Joel who exited, seemingly in conversation. And, finally, a girl stepped out of the vehicle. Joel noticed you leaning against the bannister on the porch, waving his hand with a smile.

Your muscles reacted, waving a fleeting hand. “Maria, Tommy! They’re here!” You yell loud enough to be heard through the screen door. You were always insecure about calling them by their parental titles in front of people—let alone new people.

“You’re yelling in my ear, hon. If you gotta go just tell me.” Sierra complained.

“I gotta go.”

Before she could say her goodbyes, you shut your phone, sliding it into your back pocket. Your parents came out of the house in high spirits; Maria clapping her hands, excitedly, embracing Ellie. Tommy giving a firm bear hug to Joel, laughing heartily—at what? You were unsure.

Awkwardly, you stood there. Smiling with your hands held in front of your body as if you were presenting a project.

Joel looked to you, approaching you with open arms. “Look at you,” He began, wrapping his arms around you, warmly. “All grown up.” He pulled back to get a better look at you, nodding proudly.

“Yeah…” You tapped his shoulder. “You, too.” A chuckle fell from your lips.

Then, you looked to your right at the freckled girl with her arm around a feminine stranger. However, you couldn��t indentify her before you did Ellie. Her auburn hair was pulled into a low bun, with pieces framing her gentle features. Her round evergreen, tinted with slivers of brown, eyes. Freckles decorating her cheeks, bridge of her nose; the beauty mark under left eye—

“Hey,” Ellie drawled out the greeting, awkwardly. Leaning in for a hug that teetered back and forth until you reciprocated.

You kept that same plastered smile on your lips, wrapping your arm under hers. “Hey, Ellie.” Pulling back, you finally looked at the girl beside her. She had tattoos and piercings and looked so much cooler than you. “Who’s this?”

Her earthy eyes widened. “Oh, this is, uhm, my girlfriend, Cat.”

The only response you could give was a nod and a half-hearted wave. It was like a dramatic record scratch in your head. But your parents took over with the rest. Guiding everyone inside to the warmth. Tommy remained outside, giving you skeptical eyes. “Help me with the bags…”

“Honey, don’t be weird about this.” He spoke, as you followed him to the truck.

“I’m not being weird.” You whined, gravel crunching under your feet. “Seriously, what’s to be weird about?” Reaching into the open trunk, you pulled out luggage’s and duffle bags. This was a lot of stuff for a week stay—they brought more than you did.

He gruffly breathed, pulling up the handle of one of the suitcases. “You’re my daughter, I know you— just sayin’…”

“Oh, my God— please!” You complained, hooking the duffle over your shoulder, pulling one of the luggage’s. Leaving him to follow you toward the porch.

Dinner had come quicker than you had hoped. If anything, if you could magically skip over the thing, and still eat, that would’ve been perfect.

All six of you sat at the dining table, forks and knives scratching at ceramic plates. Tommy and Joel had gathered in the back, last minute to cook up some steaks. And, to busy yourself, you helped Maria with the sides while Ellie and Cat got situated in the guest house.

“So, y/n, how’s the book comin’ along?” Joel wondered, putting a cut piece of steak into his mouth.

You made a surprised sound as you chewed your food, rushing to swallow. “Shit, you’re writing a book?” Ellie questioned, leaning her elbows on the table.

Taking a sip of water, you decided to respond. “Yeah, I’ve been working on it for a while.” Your eyes glanced at her, then moved on, quickly, to Joel’s. “It’s… Coming along.” A bashful laugh fell from your lips, as your hand reached for the glass of wine. It was barely touched, red hue swishing in the bulb of the glass as you took a sip. It’s fruity bitterness relishing over your tongue.

“What is it— like fiction or…?” Ellie pressed, genuinely.

“Non-fiction. A book of essay’s, really— written in different forms.” You nodded. “It sounds boring…”

Ellie shrugged, forking a piece of meat into her mouth. “Doesn’t sound boring to me.” She responded, with her mouth full.

“It’s the farthest from boring, honey.” Maria massaged your shoulder, sharing a small smile. You mirrored her in return, forking at the vegetables on your plate—perfectly steamed broccoli.

“How’s Brooklyn treating you?” You spoke up, raising your eyebrows.

Ellie lightly glared at Joel before answering, placing her utensils down. “It’s certainly treating me…” She muttered, rubbing her hands together, glancing at her girlfriend.

“It’s a great place for art, but just not Ellie’s art.” Cat chuckled, sipping from her wine glass.

“Oh, that’s what you’re doing.” You nod.

“I recall her using the words: too crowded.” Joel used air quotes to briefly describe the past conversation.

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “It makes me feel crowded— the city. When you say it like that, it makes me sound fucking stupid, Joel.”

“You did say crowded.”

“Well, I meant overwhelmed.”

You snickered at their bickering, leaning back in your chair. “Back to your art, I guess you’re experiencing the artistic equivalent to writers block?” Tommy inquired, still chewing on his steak, raising an eyebrow. The auburn-haired young woman nodded, chuckling to herself. “That’s why you’re stayin’ with us for a little while, huh?”

Another record scratch.

You blinked at you father, deepening your eyebrows. “Wait, what?”

Joel had set his beer on the table, leaning forward. “Yeah, Ellie’s stayin’ with your parents for a little while to get her juices flowing, again.” He explained, pressing his lips into a soft smile. Ellie cringed at his use of the words juices, taking a sip of her beer.

Tommy and Maria told you nothing unless you asked for it for almost everything now—you at least deserved to know that Ellie was staying on the farm indefinitely. After all, when they’re dead and gone, it’ll be yours; so, they could’ve at least told you without you having to ask—that’s big!

“And, I’ll help out so I won’t be sleeping the day away— because I know that I will without a proper schedule.”

“I thought you guys didn’t need a farmhand.” You glanced at your parents, with your eyebrows still deepened with confusion.

Maria chuckled, standing to her feet. “We don’t need anything, but who could say no to a helping hand?” She grabs the empty basket of biscuits from the center of the table. “Anybody want more biscuits?”

“I would love some!” Cat spoke up, holding up a tattooed finger.

“Me too, honey.” Tommy also spoke.

A dry chortle left your lips, leaning against the back of the chair. “Are you staying on the farm, too?” You peered over at the stranger—the girlfriend, with a slight accusatory tone.

Her lips parted a few times before she responded. “Oh, no, I’m going back to Brooklyn. Not much of a country girl.”

Pursing your lips, you nodded, downing the rest of your wine. This week was going to be a doozy. When Maria came back to the table, you snatched a biscuit from the basket, biting into it. There was a perfect crispy layer on the outside, mixed with the perfect gooey, soft innards of the biscuit. “These are so good.” You muttered with your mouth full with its buttery goodness.

On your hip, your phone buzzed. Cursing under your breath, you plucked the cellphone from your belt, flicking it open. It was your agent calling you at eight o’clock at night. “Excuse me, I gotta take this.” You scooted the chair back, pressing the green button. “It’s late, Isa.” You started the call, stalking out of the room like the corporate woman you are. Taking the route up the stairs to your old bedroom.

“I need that new chapter by tomorrow morning— as in, 8am.” She scolded on the other line. “I’m personally reminding you. Since you couldn’t respond to my emails.”

You sighed, shutting your bedroom door behind you. “Isa, I’ve been traveling all day on public transport, and I’ve been trying to have family time— is that not what Thanksgiving is about?”

“You’re writer, hon. You have little bit of family time, then you hermit to finish your work— now, stop giving me grief. Time is of the essence.” Her smooth voice told, chuckling after her words. “I’ll be anticipating you’re new chapter tomorrow at eight! Have a great night.”

“Have a great night…”

Slapping your phone shut, you sighed, running your other hand over your face. Being a writer was relentless—just as relentless as you and your roommate’s neighbors. But, instead of lingering in frustration, you grabbed your heavy laptop and propped yourself on the cushion beside your window—your reading nook. Not forgetting to put a Sade tape inside of your stereo for some background music, before you began to diligently work.

You typed at your computer, rapid clicking sounds filling your ears. Although, it was no surprise that you worked your hardest after the sun set—it was like you had one too many espresso shots.

Every word was coming from the heart, and coincidentally enough, the guests at your home made it easier. This chapter was definitely reflecting the feelings you felt the day of Ellie’s seventeenth birthday. You used imagery and metaphors to describe that feeling of attack—being backed into a corner, having the worst part of yourself brought into the light. And, like most of your pieces, it was dredging it all back up again; the emotions.

That feeling of losing the only person that truly understood you.

Of course, you had a few relationships since then—a few, trying to chase that same feeling you felt when your hands touched. But there wasn’t anyone who could compare to her. How pathetic was it to still be harping on a highschool sweetheart?

Hours passed under the radar. Your parents being the mile marker in your work, knocking on the door to let you know everyone was heading to bed. Too busy with outlining new ideas, you barely spared them a glance, muttering a smooth goodnight.

It was about one in the morning by the time you finished the chapter. Still, it needed some tweaking, but it was good enough to send to your agent for the editor to look at.

Shutting your laptop, you finally took in your old bedroom. Various music artists slapped against your soft pink walls, attached with tape—some corners hanging off. Catwoman figurines lining the back of your large, white, wooden dresser; with comics stacked alongside them. Stacks of old books in the corner of your room, stacked from the floor to the middle of her wall. If you were to stumble into them, they’d experience one hell of a fall.

Suddenly, curiosity struck.

Hopping from the cushioned seat under your paneled window, you looked under your bed. Reaching for an old shoebox that was filled with many, many interesting things. You slid it from under the dusty bed frame, taking it back to that plushy seat you appreciated so dearly. Plucking the top off, you released a sigh. Immediately being hit with polaroids of yourself as a teenager—mostly standing beside, laughing with, and cuddling Ellie.

They were the photos you snatched from your wall after that fight. Oh, she looked the same. Still had that uncertainty in her earthy, olive eyes. You didn’t understand it then, and you most definitely didn’t understand it now. Ellie didn’t have to feel the uncertainty she was used to in foster care. She had people who believed in her—who will always believe in her.

Sifting through, your hands hovered over a letter she wrote. It was an apology letter sent around the time of her eighteenth birthday—almost a full year since the situation. The envelope was ripped open from the day you received it; stained with salty, heartbroken tears.

If only that day never happened…

A startling knock sounded at your window. It was no more than a pebble, which was confirmed when another launched within your sights. Scrunching up your eyebrows, you unlocked it, pulling it upwards. Once you peaked your head outside into the brisk, cool weather, a small smile spread onto your lips.

“Workin’ hard or hardly workin’ up there?” Ellie called from below. “I brought a little somethin’… Thought you could use a break from writing.” She waved a tightly rolled joint in her hands—which could only be seen if you squinted.

The corners of your lips spread wider, feeling horribly nostalgic. “You’re actually a little too late on that front. I finished a few minutes ago,” You pressed your lips into a line, continuing. “But I could never turn down smoke break. I’ll be down in a second.”

Dropping the letter, you scooted off the seat to grab your jacket. Stuffing your feet into the semi-stained Uggs you wore into the ground, before fleeing your bedroom. You didn’t feel the need to sneak down the stairs, but a part of you wanted to—to relieve that feeling of adrenaline you felt in your youth.

Ellie met you at the back door, holding open the creaking screen door as you exited. “I honestly wasn’t sure you still did this.” She chuckled, looking at the ground as you both began to walk away from the house. Putting some distance so the smell wouldn’t upset the elders in the home.

“What? Smoke weed?” You perked an eyebrow. “You think because I went all corporate, I stopped being down?”

“Actually… Yeah.” She responded, nervously snickering.

The two ofyou settled in front of this white-lined shed that was illuminated by the two warm, orange-toned lights on either side of the door. “Well, you’re kind of right…” You admitted, squinting your eyes, embarrassed. It’s hard being known for your adaptability. “I try to keep the pot smoking to a minimum. In the corporate world they test you for it.”

Ellie pulled the joint from behind her ear, placing it between her lips. She shook her head in response to your words. “Says the cigarette smoker…” She joked, eyeing you, teasingly. While she flicked her lighter to burn the tip.

“Hey, they don’t give a rats ass about nicotine— I need to make up for that loss somehow. I’m a writer for christ’s sake.”

When she finally gets it to catch the fire, she took two puffs before passing it to you between her index and thumb. “Where’s Cat?” You innocently questioned, taking a hit of the joint, then looking at it, before taking another hit.

Ellie became rigid, releasing an exasperated sigh from her lips. “The guesthouse, watchin’ some movie.”

You handed her the joint. “What, is she not down?” Mocking your previous words, with amused eyes. However, her demeanor had quickly shifted.

“She gets easily frustrated after traveling all day…” She shook her head in a dismissive way, like she didn’t want any further questions to asked.

“Hm… That’s relatable.”

Silence engulfed the both of you as you passed the blunt back and forth until it was nothing more than a roach. Hearing nothing but the distant wind chimes sounding off on the porch.

Before speaking, Ellie took a deep breath, glancing over at you as if she were nervous to make eye contact. “I hope me stayin’ here for a little bit doesn’t bother you too much.”

Her words were double-take worthy, you looked over at her with expressive eyes—widening, in surprise. “Bother me? Why would it bother me?” You leaned your shoulder on the shed, kicking one leg over the other.

“You didn’t seem like the biggest fan—“

“Ellie, I was surprised. That’s all.” You waved your hand, shaking your head. “I feel like they don’t tell me shit anymore…” Shoulders shrugging, you glance toward the house standing tall in all its glory. “They didn’t tell me about you moving to Brooklyn, either. What does it look like when someone you’ve known your whole life moves to a city you’re actually familiar with and they’re not, and you don’t reach out to help them? I’m only a forty minute train ride away.” You rambled, deepening your eyebrows. “They basically made me look like an asshole.”

You weren’t entirely sure how you’d react if you knew about Ellie’s moving to the big city. Knowing your habits, you’d probably sit by the phone for hours before making the move to give her a call. But, it’s not like you were given the opportunity to figure it out for yourself. Now, it just appeared that you forgot about her—or could care less about her endeavors; which is farthest from the truth.

Her full lips cracked into a smile, chuckling. The auburn-haired woman, mirrored your position, leaning her shoulder against the wooden shed. “Always worried about what you look like…” She muttered, sucking her teeth. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think you’re an asshole— you just didn’t know.” Ellie shrugged. “It’s not like we talk as much as we used to…”

As much as we used to. That kind of stung.

Your eyes averted to the gravel under your boots. “Yeah…” There was an awkward beat that took its place between you. Swallowing, you shooed it away with speaking up. “What about your art? You’re living in one of the most creative cities in the world, and you can’t create?”

She puffed air from her lips, glancing in the direction of the guesthouse, priming her lips. “Okay… Confession— but only if what’s said here stays here.”

“What’s said at the shed, stays at the shed.” You affirm, holding a hand and crossing to fingers. The high from what you smoked clouding your mind, squinting your eyes and loosening your inhibitions.

“Cat and I moved in together pretty early— too early… I needed a roommate and she was the perfect option.” Ellie began, carefully. Olive eyes shifting under the dim light in thought. “I swear ever since I moved in with her… The inspiration to make anything new is fucking gone.” She ran her hand over her hair, which was actually loose without a hair tie. Dusting over her shoulders, pieces pushed behind her ears. “She, you know, hovers a lot— in a sweet way, it’s just irritating because not even her pushing me can be inspiring.”

Your heart skipped a beat; it was hopeful—you really are an asshole! “Damn… So, it’s not the city that makes you feel crowded. It’s Cat.” You hum, nodding your head, taking in your assumption. “And… You think staying here will help? Doing boring farm work?” A chuckle falls from your lips, borderline nervous, borderline humored.

She pursed her lips, raising her eyebrows. “I mean, I spent a lot of time here growin’ up…” Ellie looked at you, knowingly. “It was never boring when we did it together.”

“That’s because we were doing it together. I’m not gonna be here while you’re shoveling horse shit.” You chortled, peering at her through hazy eyes. She giggled and it sounded like music to your ears. It’s been awhile since you heard her laugh from something you said. Weed always did have a way of bringing people together.

“Well, maybe before you go, you could help me out. Jog my memory.” Ellie offered, raising her eyebrows. “It’s either you or suffering through Tommy’s jokes for hours—“

“I don’t mind, but we might have to jog each others memory.”

“Hey, you can take the girl out the country, but not the country out the girl.” She shrugged. “I have faith in you.”

You narrowed your eyes at her, a smile spread on your lips. “You’re still so corny.” Shaking your head, a laugh slips. Wrapping your arms around your body, you acknowledge the cool weather. It pricked at your exposed skin, and even through your jacket. “It’s getting late…”

She scratched the back of her neck. “Yeah, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I appreciate the joint— I needed it.” You pushed off the shed wall, licking your lips. In preparation to meander back toward the house, you rocked on your feet. “There’s some left over biscuits on the counter…” You drawled, but it was all right because Ellie had filled in for you.

“I’m fucking starving.”

Then, the two of you walked shoulder to shoulder back inside. Giggling at stupid jokes, surfing over any of the past debacles you had. Turns out reconvening with your childhood lover wasn’t so bad after all. For now, anyway.

[anemoiashifts]

what your s/o wants you to know, pick an object reading !

please pick one of the jelly cats above ! ⋆.˚

note !! if reading doesn’t resonate, that’s okay !! please don’t force yourself to make it fit. there will be other readings :)

also thank you to everyone who voted on my poll for what type of reading. if the one you voted for didn’t win, im probably going to end up doing all of them anyways so don’t worry. the next one being a pick an item reading from your desired reality self. id like do maybe do something like month shifting readings at the top of each month ? maybe ?? ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

✦

bashful lilac bunny ! ୭ ˚.⁺⊹ .ᐟ

songs : vampire by olivia rodrigo, wait for life by lana del rey & emile haynie, fvck somebody by the wrecks.

this person has the tendency to irresponsible at times & jump to conclusions irrationally. however, they work best in teams & loves the work that they do. some jobs this person could have is a private investigator or work in law; someone who likes to take care of people. because of this persons work they may struggle with negative thinking & could have a lot of spiritual baggage. your presence grounds them & allows some normalcy. you & this person will unfortunately go through a lot of grieving & hardships together. it’s giving the vibe of something similar to enemies to lovers or on again / off again. when things are good, they’re great ! but things are bad, they’re bad. despite opposing views at times, you both strive for comfort.

this person wants you to care about yourself more. not just a skin care routine or repeating positive affirmations but learning to accept yourself & being kinder to yourself without judgement. you tend to strive when in confidence regarding every area — self image, performance, how you carry yourself. your confidence & self improvement is why this person is most attracted to you.

✦

smudge hippo ! ୭ ˚.⁺⊹ .ᐟ

songs : my hair by ariana grande, my love all mine mitski, consume by chase atlantic.

this person loves you. like looooves you. they think you’d be a good parent & would want to start a family with you if possible. you both are very caring & nurturing to one another & balance one another very well. this person has a lot of patience & emotional strength. they want you to know all your efforts will pay off. they think you have a lack of focus & believe you are suffering to attempt to shift because you see shifting meditations or exercises as boring. your person knows that if you could skip to being in your dr — you would. this person wants you to realize sometimes taking the time to nurture your desires & our some action to them can help your manifestations grow.

your s/o wants you to have more structure & discipline. to create some goals that are outside of shifting so you can stop seeing the process of shifting as tiring & a chore & get excited about it again.

✦

lavender dragon ! ୭ ˚.⁺⊹ .ᐟ

i just want to preface, this specific reading for group number three / lavender dragon looks a littleeee different from the previous. this pile & re-pulling of cards for clarification has circled back to money over & over. im going to go off track & also include some things that your s/o may want to let you know in regardless to this / what this could mean.

songs : king of everything by madison beer , mind over matter by young the elephant, hometown by twenty one pilots, i saw you in a dream by the japanese house.

this person wants to remind you that “everything happens for a reason”. they could’ve had to work their way up to the top & can sometimes burry themselves into their work. they can get a little standoffish & as a result your relationship with them could be a little codependent at times. they want you to break away from that aspect of your relationship with them that can definitely bleed into how you view them here. you have a tendency to lose yourself in others & sacrifice parts of yourself to please them & this person doesn’t want to see you change completely to appease them — they like you for you. you tend to get lost in the fantasy aspect of it all. thinking of what shifting could be instead of reflecting & looking at what works for you vs what doesn’t. “there is a time & a place for everything”.

you could be facing some struggles here that incorporate money in some way. maybe you’re in between jobs or are struggling financially right now ? it could just be a situation you are in that has a larger price tag: starting college, purchasing a car, etc. your dr s/o wants to remind you new beginnings in this reality will come & your financial situation will improve. this could also apply to your desired reality, maybe you both are tight on money atm. i didn’t get any clear clarifications despite efforts so i suppose this is something only for you to know the answer to or something that is supposed to be a mystery. for some of you that may resonate while others it may not. however, why i included this is the messaging of having things going on in this reality that could deserve attention here. shifting will always be here, while life here is fleeting, is the vibe im picking up for this last group.

✦

thank you for reading !! :) i hope you were able to take something away from it. 🤍🤍

[ros3ybabe]

Language Learning Goals 🎀

because I’m just starting out trying to re learn and familiarize myself with the Japanese language again, it was hard for me to think of current goals I might want to achieve, and what time frame I’d want to achieve them in. I think I will begin posting a monthly goals list because as I learn more of the language, my goals are definitely going to change. Right now I have my long term goals for Japanese and then some short term daily/monthly goals!

🌸 Long Term Japanese Goals -

conversational fluency - I want to be able to have comprehensible conversations with native Japanese speakers, and be able to understand what they say and also be able to speak the language myself

understand Japanese media - I want to be able to listen to music and watch Japanese YouTubers and Anime without subtitles

understand spoken/written Japanese - again, I want to be able to know what other people are saying in this beautiful language and also be able to read it to some extent.

My main goals long term are to travel to different parts of Japan in the coming future so being able to speak, understand, and read japanese are my biggest concerns but I’d also like to have that knowledge of writing the characters and knowing proper stroke order too, just for fun and education!

🌸 Daily Japanese Learning Goals -

Use one type of media as a passive learning tool (music, tv shows, YouTube, anime)

Study Flashcards 2-3 times (currently using my hiragana Flashcards I made on Anki)

Minimum of 2 Duolingo lessons

Practice writing the characters in an app (again, currently re learning hiragana)

1 other app lesson used as a supplemental learning tool (renshuu, Bunpo, LingoDeer, drops, etc)

My daily goals are a bit broad as this is typically what I want to do on a day to day basis for about a month of two, and then I will incorporate using textbooks, workbooks, notebooks, and really dive into the self studying and learning more structurally.

🌸 Monthly Japanese Goals (September) -

Memorize hiragana characters

Begin learning basic vocabulary (~30 vocabulary words by end of month)

Begin studying katakana characters (make Flashcards, use apps, etc)

Practicing speaking and pronunciation skills (shadow speak: use YouTube and some tv shows)

Practice realistic listening skills (YouTube videos, tv shows, anime)

Purchase Genki I and Genki II workbook and textbook + Answer Key and chart bundle

Kept a minimum of a 7 - 10 day streak on Duolingo

Joined Japanese club at my university

These are my current goals for the month of September! As the weeks continue, i will assess my progress and build new monthly goals depending on my current progress levels. I’m really excited to be doing this and sharing this journey with everyone. The biggest thing about why I made this blog the way I did was to keep myself accountable for my goals and that is exactly what I plan on doing; reaching my goals!

I so deeply appreciate the encouragement and support you all show me on a consistent basis! It means so much to have this community to keep me accountable and just help keep me on track with my goals but also remind me to be kind to myself! You guys are absolutely amazing <3

Im gonna post a combined daily update for today and yesterday later tonight!

Til next time, lovelies 🩷🤍

***also, wanted to mention, none of the pictures I use are my own!!! I get them from Pinterest but I use them in my posts to keep me motivated to make my space and aesthetic in real life as similar as possible!

[maybeimamuppet]

📚 🦷 ❄️

BEANS IM SO SORRY

i put this in my notes and thought i answered but i didn’t oopsies

📚what’s the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

this! i copy and paste the questions from there lol

but other than thatttt a list of milestones i need my sims (based on leo and layla!) to hit

and then other than that i wrote the epilogue to a fic at 1:50 am last night and i shall include the very last sentence here bc it’s. nothing lmao.

“The place that gave her everything.”

🦷 share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

personal wisdom: think about fruit more. genuinely. i’m not in like the best of places mentally (i am fine i’ve been here for five years please don’t worry) but when things get extra bad i’m just like “i live in a universe where bananas have that texture. that’s weird” and suddenly i am curious about the world. i live in a world with strawberries and watermelons and grapes. how wonderful.

personal life hack: hold your hairbrush vertically instead of diagonal or sideways it makes it hurt less. also shampoo twice then condition once.

writing life hack: READ. especially if you want to write fic CONSUME THAT GOTDANG CHARACTER. watch the media they’re from. read other fic. even if it’s not great it’ll teach you what you don’t want to do. if it’s good fic you can learn sentence structure and characterizations and little quirks and words and all sorts of shit.

also extra pro tip if your character is from a musical: their songs are CHOCK FULL of characterization. when i first started i would listen to their songs when i was writing their respective characters and it helps get their voice sorta cemented in your head.

❄️ what’s your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

uhhhh honestly every time i have a dream plot i’m like EEEEE and i start it? in terms of literal dreams i had guess who? and i got you in my head for a solid four months before i wrote them and six-seven before i published them and they’re why i started writing

in terms of like pure selfish guilty pleasure idea i’ve had this one i’m currently working on (which i’ll say is related to this emoji and i found it very fitting) in the back of my head for literally my entire writing career and i got a similar request and now finally have an excuse to do it!! and it has become a three part series i’m hoping and really trying to have done to post for christmas :)

and beyond that it’s mostly just like cute cliches i’ve read for other fandoms and have added to my “someone has to make this cadnis and it looks like it might as well be me” like my coffee shop au. i’ve been working on a tattooist/florist au for almost three years. and another i’m very very very excited for but i’m not gonna say what it is bc i’m again hoping to have it done as a christmas gift for a friend here :D

i like doing them myself because i can get all the little details exactly how i want them to be and tweak things to my liking

BUT if i were to choose anyone else it would always be @sprnklersplashes

[aky-chaosgremlin]

I originally wrote this as a twitter thread, and I wanted to back it up here so I can rewrite it soon! hehe

Lan zhan (10) watches his Huan-ge (16) playing Sims 4. His two characters, Xichen and Mingjue, are in love! They kiss wiggle around in bed a little. The day Xichen is pregnant! That is how lz learns that kisses make babies.The next day at school wei ying kisses his cheek. 

Lz goes home bawling.

lz: im sorry uncle, a-zhan has shamed our family name 😭 you have raised a *whore*

lz, packing his bags, recalling uncle telling ge-ge off for sleeping around: uncle will throw me out, i KNOW it. 

lz will make wy take responsibility and raise the baby 😤 

Uncle: a-zhan you are not pregnant

lz: UNCLE IS REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY BABY 

Lwj decides that he’s going to run away. He grabs his bag with all the essentials— tuzi, an extra pair of shorts, a water bottle and a granola bar— and runs down the street to wei yings house, still sniffling. 

Cangse ayi takes one look at him and sends him to play in the yard 

Lz drops his bag and runs outside, careful not to trip bc falling would hurt the baby. 

wy has somehow climbed on top of the playhouse and is roaring and banging on the roof. "all you puny humans will die! mwahahahaha!”

lz can’t believe wy is the dad, this baby will be a mess! 

wy sees lz standing at the base of the play structure and nearly topples over in his excitement.

wy: lz! come up here and help me destroy the humans!

lz: i cannot wy. the days of childhood are behind me now. 

wy: 😲 what?! lan zhaan nooo

lz: wy please come down. we must talk. 

wy scrambles down and they settle on the swingset for their talk.

lz: wei yang. i am pregnant

wy: 😲

lz: and you are the father

wy: *gasp* LAN ZHAN! 

lz really hopes wy won’t hate him now. His worries are eased when wy shouts, “dont worry lan zhan! am here!” 

lz is so relieved! He starts tearing up again.

lz: wei ying, I ran away from home. Uncle does not bless our union. he has shunned our baby!

wy, bless him, looks just as offended.

wy: your uncle is a meanie! It’s a good thing you ran away lz. I have a house for us right here! 

wy proposes to lz right then and there with a keyring he found in the sand, and promises they’d get married the very next day. 

“we need witnesses for a wedding lz. and if your uncle won’t help us then a-sang and a-cheng will help us at school! Our wedding will be the bestest!” 

wy works very hard to make his pregnant wife comfortable in their little house. He sneaks into his meimei’s room and steals her cooking utensils, and drags a beanbag from his own room to make lz a bed.

while wy works lz tells baby about its baba: "he’s a silly, but wy is good” 

a while later, cangse ayi comes out to offer them snacks. She calls up the boys in the play structure and all she can see is two heads popping out the window.

wy: hi mama! Welcome to our house! Lz is my wife and we’re having a baby! 

lz is very worried about what cangse ayi would say. Would wy’s family deny their baby too?

cssr: how lovely! you must be new to the neighbourhood. How nice to have such a young family next door. I brought you a welcome present.

she ruffles wy’s hair and tells them to have fun. 

lz is so relieved and so sad! how come his family won’t accept him 😭 uncle is so mean! perhaps a-huan would be more supportive. he will have to speak with him later.

later happens much sooner than expected when Uncle sends huan-ge to bring a-zhan back home… 

lh: a-zhan uncle said you ran away? what happened?

lz: gege, a-zhan is pregnant with wei sings baby and uncle won’t accept us 😭

lh: ...

lh: … 

lh: 😈

lh: oh my a-zhan how could this be?! what will you do now?! having a baby is so easy feat! 

lh: did you know you can never eat ice cream every again

lz: *sobbing*

lh: how did this even happy a-zhan?

lz: wei yimg kissed me

lh: oh no a kiss you say? its definitely twins. you’d better stat here a-zhan, uncle would never let this slide. 

lan huan going home that day: a-zhan refuses to come home! He looks like he’s run away for real… You must have hurt him deeply uncle what did you do?!

uncle:… w h a t? what did i do?!?! this boy 🙄 

Wy manages to calm lz down. “you can have all the ice cream after the baby is born lan zhan!” 

ice cream is lz's favouritest. How will he live without ice cream 😭

lz is calmer but still sniffling when jiang cheng climbs over the shared fence between his and wy’s yard to play 

jc, scoffing: why are you crying that’s so lame. You’re such a baby a-zhan

lz: *cries harder at mention of baby*

wy: HEY DONT BE MEAN TO MY WIFE DONT YOU KNOW HES PREGNANT AND HORMONAL

jc, whacking wy: you’re so stupid he’s not pregnant

wy: he is! he said so and lz never lies 

wy and jc proceed to tussle, getting covered in sand.

lz watching wy defend him: 🥺 maybe he will be a wonderful spouse after all!

yanli- jie eventually shows up and wrenches jc off of wy. Lz likes her very much for saving his husband. She’s much nicer than her dumb brother. 

when yanli hears of lan zhan’s predicament she fights down a smile and replies very seriously. “oh my a-zhan you’ve been through an ordeal indeed. Don’t worry, jiejie will support you. a-ying you must invite me to the baby shower okay?”

She leaves promising to bring presents… 

jyl secretly texting lh: your didi is so cute 🥰 and so very good at playing his role

lh, snickering to himself: indeed he is… will you help me set up a wedding for them? perhaps tonight?

jyl, delighted: of course! I will prepare the dolls! 

about an hour later, yanli and a-huan come back to wy’s yard.

wy has left his bride resting at home— he’s can’t exert himself, its bad for the baby!— and gone “out” with jc to “work” plucking dandelions

lz swooning on the beanbag like a maiden, waiting for wy’s return 

jyl: boys! come quick come quick its time to get married!

wy: but jiejie we’re getting married tomorrow!

lh: no time for that you must get married *now*

lz: gene but why?

lh: dont you know its illegal to have a baby without being married a-zhan? 

lz: 😰

lh: you must get married quickly or the cops will come take your babies away!

lz, panicking: my and wy’s babies 😖😭🥺

lz: but what about witnesses and uncle 

jyl: dont worry a-zhan! your uncle agreed to be there! So will all of our parents

lz: uncle approves? 

lan huan convinces him that of course, after cangse ayi explained convinced him, how could he not!

lh and jyl shepherd him into the jiang’s garden where a wedding is set up. The adults look eager and excited, and dolls making up the rest of the crowd. 

wy waits by the altar. 

Jyl hands him a little bouquet, and fixes a makeshift veil on his head and sends him marching down the aisle. jc plays a song on his guitar which people guess is an attempt at the wedding march— its much too out of tune to say for sure 

Lz is very nervous. He’s very lucky that he gets to marry his best friend at least. Imagine if it had to be that bully wx. yuck.

he looks to his uncle to confirm that he accepts and feels a weight lifted off of his shoulder when he nods. Phew. Uncle still loves him. 

The wedding begins. Jyl is their officiant and as she monologues about joining their souls together. Lh sits in the front row with his uncle and records everything.

They make their vows. Wy will make sure lz always has ice cream. Lz will never keep wy from climbing things. 

They exchange ring pops. 

And then jyl finally declares that it’s time for wy to kiss his bride.

The wedding that went off without a hitch so far starts to go completely wrong.

Wy leans in to kiss his fiancé, but lz pushes him away hard sending wy toppling to the ground. 

Their audience falls suddenly silent.

wy on the ground looks started, and peers up and lz in shock.

lz: will not kiss wei yimg. 

wy bursts into tears. 

wy: lan zhan wont kiss me! he doesnt love me!!

Wy is distraught. His tears devolve into big heaving gasps. 

Seeing wy cry makes lz starts crying again too.

He starts wailing: Nooooo a-zhan loves wei ying 😭😭

wy: then why won’t zhanzhan kiss me 😭 😭😭

lz: a-zhan doesn’t want to get pregnant again 😭 what if a-ying kisses me and the babies also get pregnant 😭😭😭😭 

The adults who were stunned into silence at the sudden breakdown finally spring into action. Well, most of them. 

Cangse ayi bursts into howling laughter. Wcz picks up wy and comforts him: “sometimes people just dont like being kissed a-ying. it doesn’t mean they dont love you” 

Lqr kneels with lz, completely mortified at the outbursts. Where on earth had he gotten such an idea in his head?!

He listens to lz’s rambles about how kisses would make him pregnant and huan-ge said that the FBI would arrest his babies. He’s sorry he’s a hussy and shamed shushu

Lqr was so going to punish lh when they get home. (Said culprit is quickly sobering up from his laughter when he catches lqr glaring at him)

lqr pulls lz into his lap and consoles him. He explains to lz that that’s not pregnancy works, turning red as he gives The Talk in public. 

meanwhile…

cssr: you little gremlin we talked about not kissing other people randomly what made you go and do that!?

wy, indignant: but mama! it wasn’t random! you said that we should show people that we love them with both words and actions and that’s why you kiss me! 

they get both boys calm eventually.

wy: im sorry for kissing you when you thought it would get you pregnant lz 🥺

lz: mn. I’m sorry for rejecting wy’s kiss. 🥺 I really love wy 🥺

wy: 😁 I LOVE U TOO LZ!

lz surprises wy by smacking a big kith on wy’s cheeks.

wy: eep 😳 

From then on the boys decide to kith each other on a daily basis. Their relationship evolves over the years from platonic baby kisses, to shy first kisses, to filthy making out. Without the looming threat of pregnancy scares they become extremely annoying with their PDA.

==FIN== 

If you made it this far: Thank you so much for followed along and supporting me along the way 🥺. This is the first thread that I’ve ever posted to completion. I didn’t expect it’d so much attention as it did; I am so grateful! Shout out @cwnsthicktighs for creating this with me 

Some extra scenes: In the original brainwork, the “wedding” happens the next day. Two things were meant to happen here: 1) lh goes homee after riling lz up, lqr tries to pick lz up himself. lqr: a-zhan, come home lz: no. wy is my family now wy, clueless: lz is family? YAY :D 

2. the next day at school wx tries to pick on lx bc he’s got a huge crush on him. lwj doesn’t like it one bit. wy, still protecting his pregnant wife, flies in to the rescue: "STAY AWAY FROM MY PREGNANT WIFE YOU HOMEWRECKER"

why does he know what a home wrecker is? 

Well, wcz is obsessed with soaps. Most days jfm also sneaks over to watch it with him, but he lives in fear of yzy finding out every day.

cssr writes down all of wcz’s favourite scenes so they can role-play them when wy is asleep 😉 

No one lets lz live this day down ever. They bring it up at every chance: “get pregnant lately lz?”

Years in the future, when wx get married, everyone brings The Pregnancy Incident during the toasts. Lz turns a brilliant red while wy falls out of his chair laughing. 

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Had a thought about head canons for Dragon Gai. Specifically about his long life and him slowly aging throughout the centuries.

I imagine Gai aging so slowly as a dragon, that for a LONG time he doesn't notice. Especially with his depression when he first transformed. But also a lot of things that indicate human aging are no longer attatched to him. He has maybe a black maine that doesn't change colour (imagine if he gets someone to cut that from a crazy maine to a bowl cut every year or five, and him just being kinda super attattched to that hair style and the humans who cut his hair also being excited to do so. Maybe it's a great honor in the kingdom (imagine what they could turn that dragon hair into! XD!!!)), he has no wrinkles, or loose skin. And I imagine him sitting with Kakashi on a cliff one day, watching the last of his friends get buried and asking "is this why gods never get close to us... because it hurts so much to watch us die?" And Kakashi just putting a hand on his scaly arm and maybe giving him a hug. (Because he needs one!)

So anyways for a few hundred years after that conversation, Gai stops believing he can age at all. He's actively flying to other lands. He's learning how other people live and bringing that knowledge back to Tonika so the village can learn and advance at a faster rate than any other nation that exists. He's learns new philospophies and takes the time to learn new languages, and has gotten a penchant for talking to people in riddles just to mess with them and see how they react. It's quite funny to him. Sometimes he finds people, or groups of people in horrible situations, and just decides to bring them back home to Tonika. Bringing more ethnicities into the village and more diverse thinking, but also a more clever society. (The firest time he came back with like 20 people on his back and says he's coming back with 500 more, I'm sure Tonika was surprised. But everyone learned to deal with it because... well. No one is going to question or backtalk the mother hugging dragon keeping them safe!).

And then one day, 700 hundred years later, Gai finds himself... tired. That it's harder to move out of his cave. Kakashi may acually have to help him up sonetimes or to massage his muscles. Maybe even get Tsunade over and perform some acturpuncture. And neither know what was wrong he just felt...stiff.

Another hundred years go by. Gai feels slower to answer questions. It's getting harder and harder to fly and when he does, he needs time to recover. One day someone is cutting his maine and they come across a white hairs and Gai finally knows what's happening to him... he's aging... which means he'll be dying and it's a mix of fear and excitement. He's in absolute wonder until he looks at some of his art of Kakashi he feels... regret... and fears leaving his friend alone again. Especially now that he knows he did so before and the results were devestating... He has to come up with some precautions before he passes. He's pretty sure he still has time to do so, he's just not sure how long that is.

So he gets busy. He finishes art projects in his cave that will hopefully last forever. He finds a family that has been noble, loyal and kind to Tonika for hundreds of years, and he introduces the title of "king" and "queen" to the people and suggests this family, which gets a near 100% agree rate and starts watching people make a castle for a stronghold near the middle of the city, to protect them when he can not. He's learned a LOT about architecture over the centuries, so he borrows designs/ offers advice to the makers, so by the time they're done there will be a structure that can watch over and protect the entire kingdom long after he's gone. He may have even donated some of his scales, so there are rooms in that castle that are basically unbreakable! Im case of the worst case scenario (a fact that may have been forgotten to time or is just refered to in legend.)

Then slowly but surely... he starts to find it harder and harder to move out of his cave. He loses the ability to fly because it hurts his back and joints to much. He's colapsing under his own weight as he slowly gets to old and frail to move himself. Maybe he could retreat to the rivers and ocean if he wanted to make his life a little easier... but he chooses to stay in the mountains. Close to his home...to Kakashi. Where he first met him a previous life time ago. Next to the man he adores and who visits him regularly still...who now learns he's dying now that Gai has prepared everything.

And he's sorry to leave Kakashi. He didn't want to hurt him again like he apparently did the first life. He suggests Kakashi can go if its too hard to see him like this. He just doesn't want him to get hurt and drown the world again. Even if that means Gai dying all alone and being eventually forgotten...

But Kakashi shuts that down. And confesses one of the reasons it was so hard on him the first time Gai died... was because he wasn't there to say goodbye...He truly didn't see it coming... and he would NEVER let that happen again. He won't ever let Gai die alone again, no matter how much it hurts him.

And Gai falls a little more in love with Kakashi all over again...but can't find it in him to tell him. He never can get over that final layer of unworthiness and self loathing in his mind... he just gets a promise for a proper burial from his best friend. His remains will not be fought over or ripped apart like some greedy seagulls swooping down on him... he will die properly, his remaind scattered and disposed properly and what ashes remains will be buried or scattered properly, never to be found again...he will have a proper finding resting place, just like a human that he always was... just as he deserved.

It takes somewhere between a week to a month for Gai to finally die, and Kakashinever leaves his side. He gets him water and food and helps keeps him as comfortable as he can... when it's finally time, Gai hopes that next time he sees Kakashi, he gets to see him as the man he always was...

(And then a bunch of gods attack but that's not Gai's fault.)

Ok probably the only things i would change is

Not Gai introducing the idea of a monarchy to protect the village, but the villagers realizing they’re about to lose a very powerful force that protects them and deciding they need to do something to protect themselves because Gai had been attacked and people have tried to go to Tonika as other civilizations grew and began travelling, but Gai always protected them. They won’t have him anymore so they need to protect themselves

Kakashi knows gai is dying. He realizes it before anyone because he recognizes those signs, but he also doesn’t know how long that process will take so he chooses to ignore it in favor of making memories (filling the hole in his heart kinda idea)

Gai’s ashes maybe being molded into something like a weapon by tenten, and gifted to the new ruler (nonbinary ruler) as a symbol of their status. They take an oath to protect the village just as The Hero Gai did and to keep it prosperous and strong. The ashes have no magical power so even though some try to steal the weapon thinking it is magic because of gai, it really is just a really cool sword (that maybe gets lost for hundreds of years until two mortal kids go exploring in the forest beside the village and find it in a tree that no one can remember being there.

But i really love the idea of Gai getting one lifetime to learn what a painful existence immortality can be, and then in a much later lifetime deciding to accept the offer of immortality with the full knowledge that it will HURT sometimes