#but im serious its really nothing
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I am also someone who hates needles (as a psychological thing) and I do my own T shots. I think my biggest tip would be to just "get it done and overwith" (as in don't think too hard about it or take too long getting yourself all psyched out about it when you go to inject the needle), because the quicker you get it done, the quicker it's over, and then you don't have to worry about it again for a whole seven days (if you do your injections once a week, anyway. I know some people do theirs once every other week, so if that's the case, then a whole 14 days!). I've been on T for 9 years now (as of this month!) and have been doing my own shots for at least half of that time, so it does get easier once you get used to it! I still have my days where I get all psyched out about it, but that's rare now compared to when I first started.
Also, make sure your leg (or wherever it is you're injecting it) is COMPLETELY relaxed, or it could be VERY painful, and make it a lot harder not to psych yourself out when doing your shots in the future.
Good luck!
That's definitely my approach to things that make me nervous!! Unfortunately this being the *first one* I definitely waited too long and got psyched out more than once :,3 mine are weekly but that's not so bad I think!! Thank you so much for the reassurance!!!
I'll try my best each time to relax the muscle, which isn't too hard in my legs! Thanks again! 🐱💖
#meowjester#i was honestly pretty worried IM would be actually painful#but im serious its really nothing#its stressful but im pushing myself to take injection to get over my fear honestly#it wont help my fear of blood draws (which I'll also need more frequently now. yay)#(BIGGEST FEAR)#but im strong and i can work past it... i believe#to reassure myself i told my wife (who helped)#that the holes in my lip (piercings) are a higher guage and i still did that#like 16g vs 21g-25g thats a huge difference when it comes to needles LOL#ok i got carried away GOODBYE 🐱 LOVE AND PEACE 💖
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honestly the more i hear about engstars and its TLs the more i absolutely dread the inevitable release of poltergeist and what may ensue from it, bc if if the translators themselves are already invalidating arashis identity then i Really Truly do not want to see how theyll translate natsume and tsumugis microaggressions/transphobia towards her. esp since ive noticed a rise in people being comfortably transphobic towards her, and i REALLY do not wish to see natsume and tsumugi being stupid fucking morons be used as evidence to discredit her
and i think this is all the more reason why its VERY IMPORTANT for engstars to DIRECTLY ACKNOWLEDGE arashi and her gender. bc sometimes characters are STUPID and RUDE and APATHETIC. enstars is a story with NUANCED and FLAWED CHARACTERS, and when a character is being a fucking asshole youre meant to PROVE THEM WRONG. but they dont even acknowledge arashi as a girl themselves. so, if you do use engstars, please keep pressuring them bc omfg this is so bad and i can only see it getting worse
#a bit of a serious post sorreys its kinda me venting im just preparing for the worst#We should be legally allowed to beat the shit out of ntmg for what they said to arashi#i dont remember the exact quotes verbatim but tsumugi basically just expressed confusion abt her gender identity#n natsume flatout said something like shes lying to kids by calling herself a princess#so.#not good.#having characters show bigotry is not Necessarily a bad thing. but that is ONLY WHEN that bigotry gets disproven#but. engstars arent doing that.#theyre not disproving it.#they keep pretending like her gender is. well. Nothing#so i worry that this story is just gonna fuel the flames and make everything so much worse than it already is#anyway. if u play engstars please do keep pestering them for blatantly ignoring and misrepresenting arashis identity#i try to stay out of whatever goes on on that app but. Man.#she deserves better#But hey knowing them maybe theyll just fuckin cut out the dialogue alltogether to further act like trans people and their issues arent real#nat rambles#im a bit peeved as u can see sorry i just know how this fandom is and how they cant handle nuance or flawed characters#and im REALLY not happy with happyele REWRITING THE TEXT#and getting RID OF SAID NUANCE#GRHAGGRAHGRAGHHGHGH#sorry.#its like 3:30am i just needed to get this off my chest#maybe ill delete this but god.#free my girl
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some of you just gotta approach these shows more lightly lmao, like have some fun!!!!
#said with affection#and this is coming from someone who gets months long hyperfixations and get really serious about characters#so lmao finally watched iwtv ep3 and went in kinda nervous cause i saw some people freaking out (the bad way) and i LOVEDDDD ITTTT#'oh im so mad at armand for not telling the real story' lmao just laugh about it and go on with your life lestat will be fine i promise#i was literally cackling with the whole lesmand thing which i have some personal thoughts but it was overall very fun cause i love them both#louis and dreamstat is fucking crazy i literally wish nothing more than my babies being insane#BUT CLAUDIA!!!!!! darling oh no oh no oh no everything's turning so grim for her already its so sad#interview with the vampire#amc iwtv#everyone was so hot this ep i cant#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#claudia iwtv#armand iwtv#daniel molloy
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🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
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Unrelated to the art: I added a song on YT to a playlist I have for OSTs and I've listened to it like two times in full and as i was waiting on it to load to listen to while I colored I saw it had...... 5 views. Total. FIVE VIEWS. And this is the third time I've had it open. WELP. Thank you to the one person who recently uploaded a game from the Wii's OST.
Related to the art: I still love Sharena.
#fe heroes#sharena#she deserves art always but esp when i just need a ray of sunshine#im getting really mad about petty things when i post art here and share on discord#so i just..... hope i can go a week in the future drawing people i like without getting tags that bother me#like i know its nothing serious and no one is actively trying to be mean but i have a peeve and people keep activating it#and the last time i even mentioned it i got a call out post basically so im trying to keep it to myself#and not make a big deal about it bc it really isnt a big deal#but its incredibly demotivating and getting to the point ive thought that blocking people would be nice#and literally no one has done the thing to be mean ! so i feel bad blocking anyone so i havent blocked anyone#anyway have sharena while i slink off tumblr to agonize
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BOY WATCH boy alert 🚨🚨🚨🚨
Felsic is done! 🔥 I made him in part to finish off a plush tutorial that i have in the works, and i'm still haunted by accidentally destroying his figure so now he can live on in plush form.
Felsic is SO cuddly since i used a new type of silky stuffing and mochi minky in places. like oh my god hugging him feels so comforting. its part of why i omitted all of his spikes because he's going to be more of a hugging plush than just a display one haha.
#my art#plush#plushie#oc#oc art#oc plush#also not to follow up those tags with a WILD 180 to crazyville#but yall know me and my life by now#im so happy that 1) i was able to finish him#and 2) i could get pics of him rn since i was Hospital yesterday#its nothing super serious or related to my chronic conditions#just some really bizarre chronic nausea and abdominal pain but as of today its hopefully on the mend#for the past week ive been floorbound which is part of why i made felsic so cuddly and comforting AND was able to haul ass on him
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#while im at with all this opinion posting#i think people are very afraid of being or being seen as reactionary luddites that they adopt objectively kinda weird positions#like being extremely skeptical of the idea that changes in educational policy can impact e.g. literacy#<-wrt to the whole can college students read books thing. lol.#and also. granted this has nothing to do with the actual issue. but that teachers response really baffled me...#giving les mis as an example of a book that isn't relevant anymore as if it isnt abt the injustice of poverty/policing/prisons...cmon!!!#its a long book that is difficult to read and i dont think very many people could or would want to read the whole thing in a school term#but its actually absurd to act like its not interesting or relevent like u cannot be serious with that...
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I want my art to be weirder (I'm afraid of people expecting "normal" art from me because of what I make most often and them being upset with me if I deviate from it)
#SIGH. sorry i feel like this is like a thought that more serious artists should have and not like. me. lol#but especially on twitter i am afraid for some reason#like i do not want to be so palatable for everyone but like. i am most of the time#its just occasionally i wont be#and yknow. i dont want to accidentally build an audience thats gonna judge me for that#am i making sense#this is such a. NOTHING PROBLEM..#but whatever ive been thinking about it 😭#like i want to feel free to make suggestive art and weird sad art and self projection art and gross art#and the best way to feel free is to make that so people know to expect it#but i really just. most often draw very normal very bland things#which im not even upset about its jusf. i dont want that to be expected of me??#literally no one has said they expect certain stuff from me#no one has gotten upset at me#i am just. an overthinker and SCARED all the time#oh well#thats all#vent
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never shut up about this but its my blog so whatever but i think the main THING w siyt is i was using it as an exercise to stop being so like. uncomfortable and unnecessary-morality about...i dont even know how to explain it just like, the kind of Need for having clean relationships and "if you Really loved someone you wouldn't do X or Y" which is really just. such a narrow and unrealistic standard, and i want to explore more authentic messy relationships, except then people read the fic and essentially felt like zoro was Cheating and Toxic when its so not remotely the case. like ok man get well soon i cant help you here. guy finds out the person hes half in love with and thought he was dating sees him as just a hookup, yeah no shit hes gonna go out and distract himself and find comfort elsewhere. hes not EVIL for that hes just 22 or whatever 😭. i think maybe youre the strange one for thinking this makes him unlovable. but whatever
#laughable really to call siyt a Messy Relationship bc its not. it has one moment of mess and then its buttoned up again#but its like the you cant even handle a lesbian post but about relationship dynamics#i think im just hung up on it bc IM not the type who is really into serious angst and multiple partner mess and all that#so its surprising that people find smth i wrote even too outside the bounds or whatever ykwim#im like. what do you mean. this isnt even. anything. its so basiccore IM so basiccore this is nothing...can we be serious#anyways whatever my friends (mutuals) liked it so i dont really care about other takes on it ahxhsjnx#maybe i Will go the messy route w the fake dating fic and see if people have the same opinion when its sanji doing that shit#or if he will (for totally no reason at all of course.) get a free pass and understanding and all that. 🧍
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the way I've been raised has shown itself in a recent awful experience I had and the realization won't leave me because I'm not sure what to do about it.
I don't like feeling anger/upset and it's rare for me to feel it anyway but it's led to me being unable to tell what's worth getting upset over anymore. If my wants upset somebody, then, well, maybe I shouldn't have them? What is so serious that I need it to go completely my way...? What desires am I allowed to have. It's not that serious, it's okay if not, you can't always get what you want....
every time I feel Upset I am later wracked with guilt because it wasn't a big deal and I was just being selfish... What IS a big deal then? How can I tell? Its admittedly never a big deal... But I keep being upset. And stepped on....
#talkys#this is what led to me Staying for as long as i did#there would be issues but if I brought them up i wld then be made to feel guilty for feeling that way#but i cant reverse that bc well!! its true like is it really a big deal? life isnt that serious I dont need to get upset...#i get upset at something my parents do and in the end i feel ungrateful and selfish#i really cant tell anymore which is why i Stayed as mentioned above#in the sense of well yeah the way im being treated doesnt make me feel good but why do i need to feel good?#isnt that selfish...isnt that asking too much...isnt that making yourself out to be Better Than...#i really dont know. i get so ready to give up my position on anything because I dont want to be selfish#and because im no better than anyone else#my mom caused some drama on my birthday wrt my sister's family and it led to me not being able to go to the duck#pond on my birthday... which is the only thing i really wanted to do on an otherwise uneventful day#i was meant to feel shame abt it because well we can always go any other day!!! relax!!!#and it is true....!#we can go any other day why did i get upset? its not that serious...nothing is that serious...i feel so guilty + spoiled + selfish#i just felt humiliated for wanting to go in the first place. and for getting upset that we couldnt go. like a toddler.#*not that i actually get Toddler Level upset...but it always Feels like i did...ykwim#i just dont understand......idk if i can Repair this....
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on some level I understand that welcome to hell is probably a little harder to sell than hazbin given the *gestures vaguely* entire main plotline of w2h THAT SAID im going to be mad about it forever. because one of them is actually funny and has good character design and compelling dynamics and a good plot and its not the one about the freaking hotel.
#literally hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby like nothing vivziepop ever writes will be as good as your first demonic possession#everyone who knows me irl is going to look away now because I need to be really mean about hazbin for a second#and I feel bad doing that because I know my wonderful friends like it. but its my god given right to be a hater on my Tumblr blog.#LIKE ive seen some of hazbin and helluva. theyre mid theyre so mid.#the plots are not compelling the characters have no intriguing chemistry#theyre throwing so much at you both character and storyline wise and its impossible to keep track of anything. theres no time to care about#anyone or any of their stories!!!#and they both rely so much on swear words/sex jokes for their writing and like. its just too much it stops being funny.#anyone who knows me knows I love a good swear or a good sex joke but dude theyre just so constant that they dont work#and it also cheapens the parts that actually try to get serious you know? the tonal whiplash just makes it hard to take anything seriously#like I honestly think if they took hazbin a little more seriously it could actually be good. like I get the oooo swears for adults aspect#but truly if they just bothered to write a good plot instead of forcing a million fuck jokes into it then it could work. but they didn't.#sad!!!!#okay im nice now. when my beautiful friends bring up hazbin I will bite my tongue and not even say anything a little mean#even though its bad and sucks. I will focus on the parts of it that could have worked. so that I can engage with their interests kindly#because all their other interests rule so hard. its just hazbin that I can't stand.
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I kinda wanna get something off my chest before the new year that's been weighing on me heavily, and it's that some people on here are not the "spread kindness and community uwu" sweethearts they want you to believe they are.
some people on here will act absolutely repugnant when anonymous is on or when they think they can make a billion empty side blogs because the moderation for harassment here sucks ass. case in point I've personally been getting harassed since fucking august by a specific person but I keep it to myself because I know nobody gives a fuck about it and doesn't wanna see that bs all over their dash. I just block the ips and delete the asks every time but it's infuriating seeing that person pop up so many other peoples asses as this "oh I'm so kind and love everyone in my fandoms" type when I know in my guts that's such a bold faced lie.
if you genuinely think it's okay to hide behind a grey pic or a sock puppet account to send suicide bait, bully, mock, and degrade someone else you need to take a hard look at who you really are inside in the new year because you have some type of rot in you im not joking. idk it's been becoming a heavy burden dealing with this silently especially because it's about to be 2024 and part of me genuinely thinks this incredibly unwell person will continue the behavior which is seriously insane, it's hands down nuts to fixate on someone for almost five months and I can't even begin to tell you how it just wears you down consistently getting msgs like that especially when you haven't done anything to warrant that treatment. cardi b said I got condos in this bitch head well im beyond condos I'm the sole fucking real estate developer in this bitches head and I do not enjoy it.
I try so hard to be a truly positive person. I try hard to mind my own damn business and not bother anyone. I try very very hard to make my blog a nice space. I'd like to continue doing that but christ some people really make it so incredibly difficult and that contributes to the overall shitty behavior in fandoms.
anyways it's nice to let that out, for once instead of sitting here with it and feeling those little wriggles of dread every time I open the app.
if you've engaged in behavior like that towards anyone this past year though I highly recommend making a resolution of self reflection and learning some basic compassion, or at the very least taking stock of yourself and considering getting some irl help because idk what to say other than it is, in fact, not normal to treat people like that and it does not make you a good person.
#idk im someone who very much tries to be the bigger person & just move on and not let things bug me#but this has really really bothered me bad#like ive cried my eyes out opening some particularly cruel msgs before#shit that i wouldn't send to someone i genuinely hated#and its beyond goofy to do this to each other bc on this lame ass app nothing is that serious#genuinely it isn't I cant think of one single thing someone on here could do that would make me behave that way#but if ur gonna spout treat people with kindness you need to fucking stand on it and understand what that really looks like#instead of doing weird ass two faced bullshit with people
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REFLEX IN THE SKY, WARNS YOU YOURE GONNA DIE, STORM COMING, YOU BETTER HIDE. FROM THE ATOMIC TIDE
(messin around with (ONLY) pens and colored pencils, error correction done with paper n glue)
#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#jrwi show#gillion tidestrider#cw blood#RRRRRRAAAAAAGHHHHHH IMMMMMTHINKIN ABOUT GGGGGILLION BAYBEEEE!!!!!!! i go thru phases with each o them but rn its GILLION TIMEEE#SOOO TRAGIC HE IS I LOOOOVE HIM. HE CONTAINS EMOTIONAL MULTITUDES!!! I JUST read thru this lil character ramble that#that tumblr user spacedustmantis wrote up abt gillion n his meltdown in the fey wild and WEEE HEHEHEHE I LOOOVE GILLIONN...#SO TRAGIC AND FUN TO PULL APART AND CRACK OPEN AND HIT AND HIT AND HIT LIKE A PINATA#THAT and this page was originally just some body study sketches i made MOOONTHS ago that i recently reformed n colored n fixed n im proud!!#i think i sorted out alot with his design in my more Serious style#I REALLY LIKE CONSISTENCY IN MY ART. I KNOW HOWEVER THATS NOT POSSIBLE. SO IT IS SIMPLY A GOAL I ENJOY STRIVING FOR.#I LIKE thinking about those model sheets ppl use for characters in cartoons#and NOTHING sorts out a characters design like drawing them over and over and over. it trims out the fluff!!#that and i draw these on my stupid long break at work. i have limited resources and this is what i do with them. its a fun psuedo-exercise!
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Phullo there, I’d like to ask you a question! I hope I won’t be such a bothersome.
So, I’m planning to write a story about Laughingstock and since I find your storytelling very pleasing I figured it’d be a great idea to ask for your advice about the writing!
My Idea in general for this story is just Howdy taking a day off from working in his bodega. And basically, he’ll be just wearing normal clothes.. shocking truly.
And thennn, Barnaby and Howdy accidentally stumbled into each other’s path. They later then of course had a very long conversation that lasted until evening maybe.
Of course there’ll be some fishy moments like them looking at each other with goggly eyes and other cheesy romantic nonsense- but it’s just mainly them having their usual conversation with a ‘couple’ of jokes here and there. It’s supposed to be a sweet memory for them to remember basically.
So, what I’m really trying to ask you for is- how the heck do you start a story exactly and not make it into just the dialogues? Like, I want my story to be kind of long but I’m afraid it’ll be just them, y’know, talking and I really don’t want it to be boring.. therefore, I really need your help.
I am so sorry if it’s such a bad timing considering the fact that you just had an interview which I am very proud for you for that! Even if it didn’t go as expected at least you did good half of it.
Soo, yeah! I’d very much appreciate your advice and I am sooo sorry that this was soo long!!! And again, a bad timing too.. but hey if you got any time, please consider answering. Thank you..
Also any response yet? On the interview of course.
hmmm... in my experience and Knowledge Accumulated Over The Years via reading And writing... the best place to start is to just drop in. no story introduction, no "it was a dark and stormy night", just Start. it sounds like your story begins with Howdy taking the day off, so maybe kick off with him getting ready / choosing an outfit, or w/ him reflexively almost opening the store before he stops and chides himself for almost forgetting that he's taking the day off
to combat the dialogue, maybe detail him leaving the bodega to go into the neighborhood. what does he see? hear? feel both physically and mentally? is there anyone else out and about? set the scene! ive been struggling with this too lately since i haven't seriously written in a while and i haven't been reading actual books
WHICH! IMPORTANT TANGENTS!! read well-written books, Not fanfic! im not saying dont read fanfic ever or i'd be the world's biggest hypocrite, but also read actual books. it's important to study how published authors write, how stories are structured, dialogue and action. because these books have more often then not gone through a Rigorous screening process. multiple drafts, beta readers, publishers reading it with great scrutiny before agreeing to publish - of course there are exceptions, but a lot of books are the highest quality they can be, and will outshine most fics. because, and i say all of this as good things, fics are unregulated. most dont have beta readers. a lot are from amateur authors new to the scene. there will be spelling mistakes, weird grammar & sentence structure, etc - most fics have Entirely different writing styles from each other. so if you only read fanfic, That is what your brain will learn, and it's gonna be harder for you to write. published books have less variation in styles, and the styles are subtler. there's less spelling mistakes if any, so your spelling will improve. your internal vocabulary will expand. even if you don't consciously study what you read, your brain will pick up on & internalize patterns, how action works, how dialogue works, how to structure a story, all that good stuff. if you want, i can recommend well-written books! i've been an avid reader since... like, ever. i've got recs galore! you can tell me your preferred genre & literary interest and i'll probably have something for you! and if you're not big on books, well... get out of your comfort zone lmao, books are fucking awesome and i guarantee there are plenty out there that you would love.
and when you're writing dialogue, intersperse it with little actions or the main povs' internal dialogue. if there's a natural lull in the conversation, explore that lull! what do the characters do in this moment? what's going on around them? sprinkle bits of setting in so that your reader knows where they are and what's going on.
plus, exploring the non-dialogue sections of your story can, and often will, spark inspiration in your brain for scenes and actions to fill out the story if you want it to be long (but also! if you just want to write the scene of their conversation, that's the beauty of fanfic - there's no requirements. do whatever you want lmao). when Howdy is going into town, maybe Wally calls him over for a quick pose - does Howdy say yes or no, and how does that decision change the story? maybe Julie invites him to join her in a game, or Eddie stops to talk to Howdy about him being out and about. maybe there are some complaints over the bodega not being open. what's the lead-up to Howdy and Barnaby running into each other? do they literally run into each other? what happens when they do? those are just a few possibilities of many!
remember, when you're writing, you're that story's god. you can do literally fucking anything. you decide what the characters do, where they go, what happens in their world. that mindset should help you bolster the plot instead of just "these two characters have a conversation", yk?
i hope this helps!
#im so serious i am talking from personal experience#the quality of my writing improves after reading an actual book / when im reading one alongside writing#which is why im getting myself back into it#i spent a while not reading books and boyyyyy howdy have i suffered for it!#i miss when i was in elementary school reading at least one full length book a week...#BUT BOOKS HELP. GOOD BOOKS#not the fuckin cookie cutter booktok recs that're just a bunch of tropes slapped together#im talkin about the quality stuff.#im talkin about authors who really see the art in writing & storytelling#rambles from the bog#but also do take everything i say with a grain of salt#i have a lot of room for improvement myself & as with my art im an Entirely Self Taught Writer#so im by no means an expert on the subject! im a medium level writer at best <3#and im not saying that in a derogatory way! it just means i have a ways to go in becoming a legitimately good writer#& reaching the level that i want. its something to strive for!#also thank you! ive never done an interview before so i really have nothing to compare it to!
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Does it piss anyone else off that barely anyone holds garmadon accountable for his actions and then they give people crap for being upset with him after he's hurt them
#thinking of lloyd in crystalised and wu in toe.#like.#how dare they be upset.#im sorry but 'youre no sensei and you never have been' is NOTHING compared to what garmadon did are you SERIOUS#youre like the teacher snapping at me.for telling a girl in high school not to spa#speak to me like im five lmao#jesus christ#'it wasnt his fault 🥺🥺🥺' doesn't matter#stuff still happened. people still got hurt.#and theyre ALLOWED to feel hurt goddammit#real 'you cant blame them they were drunk' vibes here ngl#its funny cause even garmadon acknowledges he did those things.and takes responsibility for them#which is. why he sacrificed.himself to sabe everyone#because he knew he couldnt make up for all the bad he had done but at least he could do this#jelp save everuone and right a wrong of the past in the process#but noooo nothing is his fault and wu is awful.for being upset that he stole his letter broke his trust and lied to misako#im really.#tired of this fandom sometimes#shout out to garmadon fans who actuqllu hold him accountable for what he did youre the only ones that dont drive me up a wall 👍
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have a new mental disorder im naming transit blues where im perfectly well adjusted [citation needed] right up until i miss a bus by one minute which triggers a depressive spiral so bad that the only reason i do not kill myself is because i know in 3 hours ill be literally fine again and actually mildly embarrassed about the suicide ideation at that point
#good idea generator#bus drove away without me#i also dont wanna hear it from anyone abt how tasteless suicide jokes are bc im not joking#suicide ment /#like im fine. im fine because i will be fine in 3 hours as mentioned in the post#one of those things where the trigger is so nothing that my behaviour is extremely unreasonable#and everyone assumes im overreacting for comedy#but i dont really wanna be like no this is a serious problem for me#bc it is a deranged problem to have. and probably indicates underlying issues i need to address#but also the internal experience at this point is borderline boring#ohhhh booo you want to die? you want to kill yourself? yeah thats what u said last week and u werent serious then either. bozo#and the worst part is im not serious. but i am serious. but also i know im not serious#i feel like im a teller at a bank that keeps being robbed at gunpoint by the same guy#and at this point im pretty sure its just blanks. but i still gotta take him seriously just in case this time he'll really do it
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