#but im just tired of feeling alone and useless

[paavirker]

Aha, so I'm actually just stupid and a fraud then. Just as I suspected

[drackolyte]

vent

[phagodyke]

crying in the work bathroom again I shouldve just booked the whole fucking day off in the first place it was stupid to think I could work after

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[sodaf]

i feel like im just going to be dead in the end. I'm such a sad sack and my depression has been infiltrating absolutely everything and im losing people because of it but i don't know what to do. sorry im not fun and entertaining 90% of the time anymore I've seen people be uncomfortable to talk to me and I'm really really trying to be positive and not bog people down with my problems but I'm doing really really bad. like i have to be honest im doing absolutely awful qnd I've just been crying about it for the last half hour and it has not been helping me feel any better or lighter

[nimomo-mo]

Vent

[cherry-shipping]

wish i could get. sans hug. because i just dont feel ummm how you say uhhh. good

[bi-writes]

hmm im thinking about it being the first night simon stays over, and you show him how to take off his makeup. (18+)

he looks tired. you stand in the kitchen, loading the dishwasher with the remnants from dinner. you don't want to spend time washing the full sink, you just want to sit next to him and soak up the warmth of him--you had missed him, and all you want to do is curl up next to him and nuzzle your face into his mask and finally get him into your bed, under your covers.

he's never slept over. he's always been adamant about that. always lacing up his boots after the movie, kissing you through the mask after a warm date, tucking you in when you get too tipsy and leaving water by the bedside table. he always goes, and even if he comes back in the morning, he always makes sure he does not stay over.

even when he fucked you the first time--he waited until you fell asleep, and then he left, and he came back in the morning with breakfast, but you knew he went home because he smelled fresh and he was wearing different clothes.

but tonight, he's staying. because you finally asked, and how could he say no to those pretty eyes? to that sweet little pout?

the distance, he was always trying to maintain it. but it was useless. you are not temporary. there is no end date. he can't keep letting you linger at arm's length.

you're soft and sweet, and your cunt is the same, and when he isn't thinking about being cock-deep in you, he's dreaming of your soft voice and your pretty smile and the tender way you kiss him and the way you hug. the all-encompassing, enveloping way you put him at ease. his rage builds, and one look at you, and it is gone.

as if it never mattered in the first place. as if it was never there at all.

so he agreed to stay. his bag sits heavy in your bedroom, clean clothes inside, and his toothbrush is in the same holder as yours in the bathroom. he lingered on it when he had put it there; two versus one. he never wants to see his toothbrush alone ever again.

he blinks awake when he feels a warm hand on his shoulder. he's still wearing his army fatigues, black cargo pants and his windbreaker, the skull balaclava tucked under his long sleeve to hide any skin. his holsters are still around his thighs, but they are empty, and his vest is on the floor by the door, where his boots are. he feels your warmth even through the layers, and he leans towards it without thinking.

you kiss the side of his head, cupping under his chin gently.

"tired, simon?" you coo softly. "'s alright. we should get you in bed. been a long day."

"mm...olright," he murmurs, and you look up at him as he stands, and he towers over you, making you feel small, but safe. he's a bear, and he's yours, and he's staying.

you take his hand gently, and he follows you. you stand side-by-side in the bathroom, and you smile at him in the mirror as he unzips his windbreaker, revealing the hoodie underneath. his eyes meet yours, and he winks, and you smile wider, especially when his hand falls, smacking your ass nice and firm.

"wot, luv? somethin' funny, yeah?"

you shake your head and laugh, and then you reach for the headband in the drawer, slipping it over you as you prepare to wash your face. you slip a few products out onto the counter, and your mouth goes dry when simon grips his mask from the back of his head and pulls it completely off.

he is so handsome. his nose is crooked; he's broken it a few times, that's for sure. there's a scar deep across his face, jagged over his lips, and you've felt it when you've kissed him before, but it's jarring to see it. there's a few more across his other cheek, along his forehead, and you break out into nervous giggles as you meet his dark eyes. the eye-black around his eyes has shifted with the fabric of the mask and with sweat, but he still looks hot.

really hot.

you swallow hard and turn the sink on, wetting your hands. simon reaches to do the same, and you watch as he brings his wet hands up and starts to wash his face. immediately, the eye-black just smears, and he has to move more over the sink as he continues to wash.

"simon?"

"'s olright. just takes a few minutes for it to come off."

you smile, "here, i...let me help."

he turns the water off, wiping his face on his sleeve, and you giggle when he looks into the mirror and realizes all he's done is smear the black across his cheeks. he laughs with you, deep and gravelly, and you reach into the drawer and pull out two bracelets made of absorbent fabric.

"give me your hands," you say softly, and he does, and you slip the bracelets over his wrists. "keeps the water from running down your arms."

"fuckin' annoyin' when it does that," he grumbles, and you smile. you reach across the counter, opening a small jar.

"it's called double cleansing. you take this balm--" you get a dime-sized amount onto your finger and you put it into his hand, "--and then you rub it into your hands until it becomes...kinda oily. it'll take off all of...that--" you motion to the black streaks along his face.

"oi, are y'on the piss?" he laughs, "it'll take it oll'off?"

you giggle and nod, "yeah. try it."

he rubs his hands together, warming up the balm, and then he reaches up and massages it into his face. you watch, biting back more laughs, when he realizes how much easier the eye-black moves, coming off onto his hands. when he washes it off, it's nearly gone, and then you give him a dollop of face wash to help rinse the rest away. he dries his face on a towel, grinning in the mirror, and you hug his arm gently as he takes the bracelets off.

your eyes meet again in the mirror, and he smooths his hands down your waist, moving you in front of him, leaning over your and putting his face into your neck. he warms the skin there with soft kisses, and you laugh, buzzing with delight.

"you're so beautiful, luv," he growls in your ear, and you close your eyes.

"you're...y-you're beautiful, too, simon."

"yeah? come off it."

never. you'll never come off whatever high you're on now. you reach up and hold onto him, as much as you can grab, and you close your eyes as you kiss, his lips on yours, something hot in your chest and something soft in your insides.

you hold onto him tighter. you will not let go.

[harukyuu2]

hi can you do a fem!reader x Mizuki one? with basically a reader who has no will live and wants to end it but they're staying because of Mizuki and Mizuki keeps trying to give reader a reason to live but it never worked but one day reader can't take it anymore and decides to overdose themselves while Mizuki is out in the mall but luckily Mizuki arrives in time just to stop reader from doing it and after Mizuki comforts the reader <3

If you don't feel comfortable with this then no worries feel free to ignore this request

Anon youre gonna make me do an apology letter after this /jk, here you have it !! - sorry for the long wait <3

!! TW - angst, suicide thoughts, reader is depressed, mentions of overdose, hurt with comfort at the end, fem reader, used they/them for mizuki!!

- pls feel free to ignore this post if youre sensitive to this topics <3 -

"Stay with me, please" - Mizuki x Fem!Reader

Tap, tap, tap

The only sound that could reach your mind was Mizuki tapping their pencil against the homework you two had to do. Its been a while since you tried to put effort into it, no matter how hard you tried— you didnt feel the same enthusiasm to finish it as you did before, who knows how many time has passed from that.

All you could do was stare blankly at the paper while Mizuki's pencil was the only sound cutting through the white noise your brain generated. You were tired of thinking, tired of the same mundane routine every day, tired of living… It wasnt even that hard, so why did you keep complaining about it? Why couldnt you be like your classmate— who always seems to wear a bright smile, even when she knows the day will be tough, completing everything and still ending the day with a smile? Why couldnt you be like her?

why couldnt you be a better girlfriend for Mizuki?

"Reader...? Calling reader to earth...!"

The voice of Mizuki didnt reach you at first, too focused on comparing you, too focused on thinking you were useless— doing the same everyday should be easy, so why was it so hard to you? Such a useless girl you are.

"Heeey! Dont ignore me!" - A pouty Mizuki interrupted your thoughts, poking your cheek with her pencil to finally catch your attention, as you turned to see them a light appeared on their eyes

You gived them a weak smile, Mizuki didnt need to know what you were thinking— after all, you would probably be only a burden to them, grumbling so much everyday just causes trouble for the rest

"Im just tired of studyinggg..." - You drawl while leaning into them, you werent lying if you think about it! you were tired of studying— and everything, but Mizuki didnt need to know the other part...

"What if you rest a little on the bed while i go to buy something to eat? Oh! Kanade recommended me a new flavour of ramen the other day, if you wanna try it" - Mizuki says joyfully trying to reassure you, these days they'd been giving their best effort to make you feel comfortable and loved, more than they did before— Mizuki probably knows how you feel even if neither of you bring the topic directly

"Yeah, sounds good. Pick whatever you want..." - you responded, setting down the pink pencil you'd purchased a while ago at the mall. Mizuki's love for shopping had rubbed off on you, and that day, you just needed to distract yourself from the fact that you were failing the last exams of the semester—alone. So, when Mizuki noticed the pencil, it was kind of surprising to see something new.

"I never saw that pencil! did you go shopping recently without me? So cuteee!" - They said with a big grin starting to get up, a hint of amused and playfull tone at the fact you didnt tell them about it

"...You can have it if you want, i dont mind."

Mizuki leaved, no sound in the bedroom now, it was you and your head alone— it was painful. Your heart ached, its been a while since you dont feel anything but maybe an usual sadness, you missed everything— you werent able to look at the future by now, you just craved for the past to come back

A shaky breath comes out when your eyes start to get blurry, why are you crying? your life isnt difficult at all compared to other people, so why are you crying? Because you dont have the same grades as before? because you cant say youre as happy as before? because you arent what you used to be...?

Thats it. You got tired of your own mind— tired of yourself, tired of everything. Standing up without thinking straight, you start frantically searching around your room for something to end it all, to finally be at peace. You dont want to think anymore, you dont want to feel anymore, you just want to rest. It felt sudden— or maybe it wasnt. These thoughts of searching for the end had been lingering in your mind for a while now. But because of Mizuki— whatever. Mizuki has plenty of better people around her, she wont need you anymore. After all, right now, youre nothing more than a dead soul trying to move a tired body

Your vision was unfocused, the tears of your eyes didnt let you see correctly and the shakeness of your body didnt help at all but still you were able to find a bottle of pills hidding below your bed, without even paying attention to the letters or the prospect, you decided to shakily put one on your mouth— but suddenly stopped walking as the pill started to dissolve slowly on your tongue.

A pink haired person camed to your mind, Mizuki— you should atleast give her a goodbye message. You were a bad girlfriend these weeks, an apology is the least you can do, before finally doing your actual last act of selfless love— dissapearing so you stop being a burden. Gulping down the pill without thinking too much, you searched for your phone— one pill wasnt going to do anything, giving you enough time to send that message in your little moment of actually thinking

Your hands copied and pasted a message you'd already prepared for Mizuki— more than four paragraphs of endless apologies and praises, calling her an angel while all you did was bury yourself under the weight of your own failure. You wanted to at least fall alone, not drag them down with you. The moment your finger hit the send button, your mind went blank again. Your eyes filled with disgusting tears, and your shaky hand threatened to shove all the pills into your mouth, and more if its necessary for it to work— you were too much of a coward to try another method, you just wanted a peaceful end.

But a sweet voice that was breaking down in a murmur stopped you, the door slamming weakly against the wall when a figure emerged from it, the sound of groceries moving slightly when they stopped in their tracks. - "...W-what are you doing.."

As you turned slowly to look at the door, you were tackled to the floor by Mizuki— Mizuki? Mizuki. You totally forgot they went to the convenience store, that they would come back— that you werent alone. Looking at them, your tears blurred your sight but you could see perfectly the desesperation in their eyes, the tears that were threating to fall into your face, the small frown that wasnt for you—but for themself, for not acting before, for not noticing that you were getting worst, for not being there for you.

Mizuki just saw the dead look in your eyes— a gaze packed with tears, yet void of real sadness, just an emptiness eating you alive. They had been trying so hard to reignite your light, to hear your laugh again, to bring you back. Dont get them wrong— they still love you. But they wants to bring back the person their girlfriend once was

The silence was louder than the sound of your sniffles. No matter how close Mizuki was, the distance between you two felt impossible to bridge. Time moved painfully slow, far slower than it should, and the words were stuck inside both of you. The usually cheerful Mizuki broke into tears when your only response was a shaky breath and a quiet apology. Its your fault Mizuki is crying. Maybe if you were stronger, smarter, happier… this wouldnt be happening, maybe if you expressed yourself better, maybe if you...

"Why are you apologizing!? In part its my fault y-you decided to do this, i should had talked with you before, im sorry... but please, reader, please dont just leave me a-alone" - Mizuki voice seems to break with every word, falling into the same void you were trying to make them ignore and escape

There was only fear in Mizuki's eyes, and at the lack of response you gived them— not being able to give them an explanation and just cry out an endless spiral of apologies, they hugged you tightly— craving you, their nails digging into your flesh to feel that youre still here, that you arent totally out of yourself, that they grabbed you just in the moment to stop you— what would had happened if them...?

"M-mizuki, im sorry- im....i didnt...im so, so s-sorry, i just—" - A shaky breath interrupts you, your heart beated so fast you almost thinked it was going to explode from how hard it tightened your chest - "Im just s-so tired..." - You finally managed to leave on a single breath

"I know! Im not stupid, but- but... we can always rest together! Thats why im here, im your girlfriend— i love you! I-I dont want to lose you...youre...youre part of my heart...i cant bare to l-lose you..." - Mizuki was crying a lot, more than you ever thought they could, with how optimistic they are you never expected to see them break so badly for you. The guilt was eating you alive and more with the fact your search for peace ended up hurting the person you love

Mizuki took a deep breath and leaned back, searching for your teary gaze while gripping your shoulders tightly - "I understand youre tired, I-I understand it a lot! But you cant just give up… You cant… J-Just because your last exams were a failure doesnt mean youre a failure. I get that you feel like a burden, b-but you arent one! I understand everything thats hurting you and I-I want to help you, please… y-you have to keep trying. You cant just..."

Mizuki bit their own lip to stop another sob from escaping, making a small mark from how harsh they bitted their lower lip. By now, you were red from crying, your hair a mess— probably sweaty, disgusting. And yet, through all the tears, Mizuki still looked at you with so much love, with the same look they did since the start. They were, without a doubt, your light in the darkness.

"I-Im tired of trying...Im tired..." - You shuddered and cried into their shoulder, hugging yourself trying to reassure you - "But maybe...i-im sorry- i just...i just wanted to stop annoying you...i'm...i'm a f-failure..." - You sighed heavy, your heart clenching so much that you were asking for someone to take it out, pleading that all this situation stopped and you could rest for once— but the thought of leaving Mizuki after seeing them cry like this, was stopping you from actually thinking of doing it again.

"Youre not a failure...y-youre just tired." - Mizuki said almost like a sweet murmur filled with cries, she cupped your cheeks and gived you a weak smile trying their best to reassure you - "So p-please, please honey just— please. Keep trying, the future can always be brighter if we are holding each other backs, d-dont you remember how you were there for me too...? I wont let you be alone on this...i-im sorry you had to fall into this— i should had been there-"

Before Mizuki could continue her ramble, you hugged her tightly, holding onto her, needing her. They were… your couple, after all. What were you thinking, leaving them alone? Such a stupid head of yours for proposing that idea—you shouldnt listen to it anymore. How could you not notice the life you were about to leave behind with such an erratic action?

You never confirmed Mizuki's words with your voice, but your endless tears and the way you clung to her said everything that needed to be said. You were going to keep trying— even if its only for Mizuki. Maybe, along the way, you'd find other reasons to keep going. And no matter how many times you fall… you have to keep trying

After what felt like an endless talk and a stressful situation, Mizuki is now holding your sleepy body on the bed. The only pill you took finally made its effect—not the forever sleep you once wished for, but enough to make you rest. They sighed, feeling tired too, but at least seeing you still here, with a peaceful expression after so long, soothed their heart a little. A weak smile crossed their face. Their tears had ruined their makeup, but they'd probably make you redo it when you wake up to lift your spirits. They are gonna take care of you—but for now, it was time for them to rest too.

With that, they cuddled with you under the blankets and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. Resting against you, they murmured in a sweet tone words that didnt matter if you heard them or not, because those words were more of a promise to themself

"Good night dummy, i'll take care of you until youre able to see the rainbow after the storm stops..."

[keeksandgigz]

ugh maybe something angsty to fluffy with eddie , like nightmares or a silly argument turned too big leaving both in tears but then resolved

idk baby ugh i love ur writing tho !

aww stop i love u <3

this is literally my first ask ever im so excited!! hope u enjoy :)))

He knows better than to fall asleep.

The world lays still around him, the sound of lone crickets plays as his lullaby while he stares at his banged up ceiling.

Everytime he closes his eyes he feels like he's suffocating, still in the stuffy, dusty and slimy Upside Down, the blood at his throat almost choking him to death.

It's his first night alone back home. Him and Wayne had been cleared to go back earlier that September morning after spending a whole summer in a cramped infirmary on a small cot that made his feet stick out.

Noises of people snoring, talking, moving around. Even people crying and screaming in their sleep. You sleeping in the cot right next to him.

Your shoulders rising and falling. On nights where he couldn't sleep he'd count every breath you took, until his brain grew tired and fell victim to slumber.

But tonight there was just eerie quiet. No breaths to count except his own, shallow and irregular in his chest, as he tried not to focus too much on the way the skin of his naked chest stretched taut by the stitches given to him felt under his hand, casually resting there.

The faint white and red splotches of mangled skin felt funny under the touch of his hands. Even then, he tried to not touch them. He didn't like the way his body would retract from his own touch. Almost as if he was scared of himself.

He hadn't let you see them yet, everytime you hung out and reveled in each other's company never went further than a few risky kisses. Your hands traveling to the hem of his shirt being abruptly stopped by his fingers intertwined in yours, moving away from his waist.

It was silent, the way you understood his limits. He'd never let you know he wasn't comfortable, and you could not have possibly known what lied under the too- big shirt he'd taken from the donation box.

Tonight, though, he finds himself missing counting your breaths, imagining you back at home in the comfort of your bed. Are you awake too?

Sick and tired of thinking, closing his eyes only to see monsters behind his lids, the feeling of the crumpled, rough sheets under his back, he gets up. He slips a shirt on, along with a pair of pants and fishes a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the pockets of his jacket, perched carelessly on the chair.

He heads to the front porch. He closes the front door behind him, trying to keep quiet. Wayne's at work, but the habit of tiptoeing and whispering around after months of living in a communal space still stuck with him.

He sits on the stairs of his porch, letting the cigarette between his lips as he fights with the yellow lighter his dad had given him to start a spark.

"Fuck" he curses under his breath as the lighter proceeds to not produce a light. His breathing becomes uneven as his cheeks flush with anger. Frustrated, he tosses the lighter in the patch of grass in front of him. Useless fucking thing.

He doesn't even know why he still has it. The last time he'd seen his dad was over two years before. He'd never gone that long without a visit.

He's tempted to go in the kitchen and light up his cigarette with the stove, but Wayne didn't like him smoking inside. Instead he just sits there, unlit cigarette between his lips as he looks at a certain spot in the trailer park.

The same spot he'd almost died at.

He's so entranced by that one patch of dirt that he doesn't notice a car driving into the trailer park. His eyes diverting only when the headlights almost turn him blind.

It's you.

The car turns off and you come out of it, dressed in some cute pyjamas, a jacket that once belonged to Eddie covering you from the late September gale.

"Can't sleep either?" you say, staring at his dumbfounded face as you approach him on the wooden porch stairs.

"Too quiet. Missin' the old man who talked about cake in his sleep" he lets out a breathy laugh.

"My bed was too comfortable. My back is too fucked up from the cot, can't sleep on a soft mattress anymore. Missed having a bed next to yours, Munson" you nudge him, he just gives you a tight- lipped smile.

"Missed watching you breathe" he says, cautiously "Helped me sleep at night. I'd count every breath you took"

"Having any nightmares?" you ask, placing your head on his shoulder.

"Can't have nightmares if I'm awake. Everytime I close my eyes it's like I'm back in there, so I just.... don't sleep" he says, playing with the still unlit cigarette in his mouth.

The air is light between you two, an air of friendship, unweighted by your knowledge of what happened to him. You bring him relief, solace.

"Tell you what" you begin "you can light that cigarette with my car lighter, we split it, and then we go back inside and you can watch me breathe. So you can sleep" you blink up at him. He blinks at you back.

You offering to sleep with him in his bed wasn't something he'd have expected out of his life. Especially at this time of it.

All he does is nod as you take the cigarette from his lips and light it in your car, coming back with it already between your lips.

You're warm when you settle yourself next to him on the bed, under the rough blankets. The pillows smell like him. You inhale.

He doesn't know whether to hold you or leave you alone. He just opts to be a little closer to you as he lets you close your eyes. A weak "G'night, Munson" escapes you as you exhale and close your eyes.

He watches the silhouette of your shoulders rise and fall.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven...

He falls asleep before he can get to fifty.

[acanth3]

The Sound Of The Stars English Translation

EPISODE 10/14

Thinking, Around Spring 2 Years Ago In The Handicraft Room

Mika: I’m back~

(I’m so tired today my body feels like it's stingin’ and I feel like I’m movin’ so clumsily.)

(I’ve been workin’ at my part-time job at campus alot lately, I wonder if ma’ body has reached it’s limit…..?)

(But to have funds for Valkyrie I need to make more money

…..

(Huh, I was distracted for a bit)

(I can’t waste time here I need ta’ go home with Oshi-san as soon as possible…..)

Sorry for bein’ so late today, Oshi-san. You should go home quickly and relax…huh?

Oshi-san where are ya? I guess I’ll go home alone today, right..?

(I was probably too late and you got angry with me. I need ta’ apologize to Oshi-san when I get home.)

(.....but, just for a bit. Oshi-san can wait Im too tired, i’m gonna rest for awhile..)

(I did my best today, if I just hurry home later I can talk to Oshi-san…)

Yawn…it’s already dark outside. I can’t keep waitin’ for Oshi-san

…..It’s been a while since I’ve seen the night sky like this

The moon looks bigger than usual. The stars are also shinin’ so beautifully I can’t help but fall in love the ‘dem.

Those stars, how beautiful would you be if I could see it closer

Nnnah~ Oshi-san when will we reach them?

How long am I gonna keep workin’ hard like this….I dont know…..

…..

Shu: Kagehira.

Mika: HiiyAaA!? Oshi-san, yer’ still here?!

Shu: …..

Mika: S-sorry, to keep ya waitin’

I had alot of part-time work to do today, my body feels so tired so I took awhile.

But I earned money for Valkyrie, the fund-raising for our revival is goin’ okay~!

Shu: …..Noisy.

Mika: Nnnah! I’m sorry for the bein’ noisy Oshi-san. I know how much you don’t like bein’ annoyed.

Let’s just go home, it’s late the others at home will be worried…

What’s wrong, Oshi-san? Yer’ grabbin’ onto my clothes…..?

Shu: Want…..

Mika: Want? Is there somethin’ you want Oshi-san?

Shu: …..Is there anything you want?

Mika: Hm? Yer’ askin’ what I want, Oshi-san?

Shu: …..It doesn’t matter whether its a wish or something.

Mika: Nnhahh~.....If ya just suddenly ask me somethin’ like that, I can’t think of somethin’

Why did ya suddenly ask such a thing….Ah!

(Could it be that, Oshi-san heard me talkin’ to myself before?)

(If that’s the case, you idiot! I can’t make Oshi-san worry about me too much! Oshi-san has enough to worry about…)

Uhh…you dont hafta’ do anythin’ for me, just take care of yourself okay?

Shu: …..

Mika: (Agh, if I dont say somethin’ Oshi-san won’t like it)

(What I really want is, to be with you, upon on stage again as Valkyrie.)

(But, Oshi-san hasn’t gotten better yet, I’ll just ask for somethin’ simple.)

(Even If I do, Oshi-san will elaborate on my idea and think of more stuff)

(If I ask for somethin’, won’t it burned Oshi-san…..)

Aaa, that's right! The night’s beautiful today

Shu: …..?

Mika: Heh, I thought of a good thing to ask ya

Oshi-san, since I was young I’ve had a dream

Shu: Kagehira, dream…..

Mika: Is it cool? I’ve always wanted to go to space!

I had this dream since I was a kid, I wanted to see the beautiful stars closer than anyone has ever seen

Shu: I see…..

Mika: Ahaha, it’s hard even for Oshi-san to make this dream come true

I don’t really care it’s just a stupid dream from when I was younger

I can’t think of anythin’ else right now, sorry Oshi-san

Shu: …..

Now Present Time, Somewhere In Italy

Shu: Now, that I think about it. Kagehira told me it was impossible back then.

Nagisa: …..?

Shu: I wonder what you’re thinking, Ran.

During that time, I was left useless thank’s to you and Fine, all because I was kicked under my feet.

Oh, how scary! Even though it’s been long since then, I have never forgotten about the pain!

Nagisa: ……What are you talking about all of a sudden?

Shu: I heard it from you before, didn’t I? Why did I allow Kagehira to go on a space trip?

Nagisa: …..I heard it was Mika-kun’s dream for the future since he was little.

…..I wondered why it was Mika-kun’s dream to go to space. That’s when I learnt that Shu-kun wanted to make Mika-kun’s dream come true.

Shu: …..I haven’t been told why that is his dream.

However, it’s still doubtful wether Kagehira really wished to go to space.

I just wanted to thank Kagehira and I happen to be in a good whim during then.

I know Kagehira knew that, so I knew to not stretch this out while on a whim.

During that time, I didn’t care much for others.

That’s why Kagehira told me to not focus on his dream, he told me to focus on myself.

Nagisa: …..It’s not strange if Mika-kun did think like that.

…..But this is just a guess from what Shu-kun is thinking. I have no choice but to ask Mika-kun himself what he was thinking during that time.

…...If you're so curious, why don’t you just ask him yourself?

Shu: He doesn’t remember when it happened anymore. And for some reason, Kagehira won’t contact me anymore.

Until just a few days ago, I had received a report from the others.

Yesterday, I contacted Kagehira, but he still has not replied.

Nagisa: …..Like Shu-kun, Mika-kun is very busy. Maybe he’s so focused he hasn’t noticed your messages.

Shu: It could be that, the report I received did say he was struggling with his English…..

…..Well, that’s okay. If Kagehira is studying hard, I will not disturb him.

However, in order to proceed with the music, I wanted to hear what Kagehira thought about it.

Nagisa: …..You want Mika-kun’s opinion?

Shu: Just for reference. The ‘universe’ theme should be ok for Kagehira.

The theme this time is difficult, it’s the reason why I haven’t been able to produce far enough it’s a irritating feeling.

I hope I can get motivation soon. I’ve been touring historical landmarks across Europe with you but I still can’t think of anything.

Nagisa: …..Sorry Shu-kun for not being as knowledgeable.

Shu: No, I saw many views and had ideas because you were here with me.

But, it’s as if there’s something missing inside me that can’t be filled. What is the missing piece?

As long as I get it, I think I can map out this story with no problem.

Nagisa: …..Theres only a little bit time left, I will use my wisdom to get this sorted out, let’s do our best.

Shu: I know, with my pride of an Itsuki, I will create this song.

shu and mika confidence differences😭agh pains me to see shu post festival

[enderwoah]

im so unwell about q!pac no its not even funny anymore i need to put him in a terrarium up on a shelf and keep him safe up there. he doesn't deserve any bad thing, ever. i don't even care about "having a good story" or "giving your character a conflict" anymore, nah, no, if ONE (1) MORE BAD THING HAPPENS TO HIM IM GONNA LOSE IT!! IM GONNA START BREAKING THINGS!!!

he's so. sad. hes such a sad character. his insecurities about being useless to everyone are so real and so painful because he's not, all of us know that he's not, but we also completely understand why he feels that way because he's had everyone he loves ripped away from him and he hasn't been able to lift a finger to stop any of it. he's just left to sit in the ruins without any help. he's collateral to all the tragedy surrounding him and the favela 5 in general and he's. tired. not in the way that cellbit is tired (though that works, too). he's exhausted of feeling sad all the time. of crying all the time. of feeling that loneliness that gnaws holes into his bones and settles in the marrow and never leaves, not when richas' bed is empty, not when mike's bedroom has started to collect dust, not when he can't see a real, tangible presence in forever's dilated eyes. the only person he has is cellbit, and he could never ask cellbit to give up what he still has when pac has nothing to lose (and god, how selfless, how kind is that?), so when he figures the only way to get an antidote to the drug is to have the drug itself, why wouldn't he offer himself up? and if that wasn't the only reason he tried to get his hands on it, who could blame him?

maybe he took it first to just feel the effects and understand the angle it took in affecting his mind. maybe he just took it for research. do you think he had slipped by the second time? do you think he took it once and, for a short thirty minutes, found that he could forget about all the sorrow lining his lungs and breathe? do you think reality crashed back onto him after that first try? do you think he was scrambling to take it again, to go back to that...maybe it wasn't blissful ignorance, per se, but willful disregard? do you think he couldn't wait to be submerged so deep that he couldn't think one more time? do you think he was hesitant? do you think he kept promising himself, one more, one more, one more...

god he is so. so sad. i was watching phil's pov, so everything was like a neat little movie for me, and just. cellbit and forever arguing while pac was just sobbing in the background was AWFUL. just. awful. it hurt. (cc!pac was damn good at acting, too, and that DID NOT HELP.) the moment he stepped on the trap i felt like i was hit with a brick. like no, of COURSE we should NOT be putting PAC in a CONFINED JAIL CELL. ALONE. and i know it was for his own good but i still felt so so so sick. the way he immediately curled up in the corner. the way he was crying to himself. the way he instantly answered richas' birthday the moment bad asked for it. the way he got visibly more upset and terrified when cellbit started shouting at forever. what the hell. no seriously what the HELL.

and, like, oh my god, making him the one to solve the antidote? proving that even though he may have fallen to the drug (the drug which was basically created by GODS, by the way, lets be real, the federation is nawt normal), he's still so useful. he's still such an asset. he's smart and he's kind and he's charismatic and he's trusting and he's so so selfless and so so brave and so strong. tubbo put it perfectly. the fact that he's gone through all the horrible awful stuff he's gone through and he's still standing just proves how capable he is. how tough he is. cellbit calling him "my dear." pointing out the fact that he sacrificed himself without knowing he was going to come back. "i'm only afraid of being sad again." "you will be sad again. but you won't be alone." he's so. he's just. he's. im frothing at the mouth. he gave himself up to save the rest of the island from this plague that took one of his best friends and might've taken the entire island if he didn't do anything. under that stress. experiencing that level of loss.

pac is one of the toughest goddamn people on the island and if anyone on that server even dares try to imply otherwise i will do heinous heinous things, mark my WORDS.

[ambi-kiko]

here are some tma food hcs bc AAAA

i think that jon gets hungry for real food, too. but its more of a deep hunger? he actually needs food less and less and eventually just doesn't need to eat, but he still can and he still gets hungry, when he lets himself be relaxed enough to realize what his body needs

hes a great cook and at the safe house, cooks amazing meals and bakes warm loafs and all of martins favorite meals

jon sometimes gets hungry and doesnt let himself eat bc he doesnt feel human enough and feels like he doesnt deserve it

martin notices that last one and tries his best to make something jon likes

i think that martin is the best at making tea, really excellent at making classic chocolate chip cookies, and just awful at anything else in the kitchen. he still tries his best, and jon eats everything he makes

lonely!martin loses a lot of weight bc he leaves the office less and less and doesnt care for himself as much

jon is the only one who notices this and starts putting out a little tray of homemade biscuits near the tea in hopes that martin grabs some

when theyre in the safe house, jons #1 priority is to figure out martins favorite meals as subtly as he can to get martin to stop starving himself accidentally out of habit (he actually wasnt subtle at all, but martin found it endearing so he played along)

Melanie wanted to be a baker when she was younger and got really good at making treats. Her first youtube channel was for baking

Georgie cooks and Melanie bakes and they always call eachother the better chef

georgie is pretty good at cooking but she isnt exceptional by any means. melanie is excellent at baking, but she considers it pretty useless because "you cant live off fancy cakes and meringues"

daisy says that she knows how to cook and for a pretty long time basira believes her bc you cant be that buff if you dont eat

one night she comes over and finds that all that daisy has been eating is frozen meals

basira is fine at cooking (enough to live off of), but she cooked the best meal she could in hopes to inpress daisy

daisy had so little actual ingredients that basira rly struggled but it was amazing. daisy didnt notice bc she was too tired. she crashed on the couch and basira left after tucking her in. daisy was pissed at herself for not appreciating basira

after that, she stops eating frozen meals and tries learning to cook. shes really bad at it at first and almost gives up multiple times, but wants to be able to cook for herself (its really for basira but she wont admit it)

tim is the cook and sasha cleans up after

he feels bad making her clean but she insists bc "cooking is so much more useful and time consuming" and that he should "let her be useful"

tim always helps out in the end and they often end up dancing together in the kitchen

tim gets this weird feeling of loneliness when certain songs come up when hes cleaning the kitchen alone after not!sasha

peter leaves homecooked meals at elias' desk when he has his back turned (he starts with warm foods, but realized that they always turn cold and that isnt very pleasent, so he starts bringing salads and poke bowls)

if i missed anyone, lmk! i could continue w these for a while but im blanking on other characters and i dont want to go on too long in 1 post so see ya later!

[murdocksapostasy]

Hello sweetheart, my heart and body aches for a fic with frank and matt. Both want reader. Matt always dissapoits reader (because he cant call back or gets busy at night doing his thing) and frank is the cutie he is and comforts her (like let her forget matt) he hears her little wimpers while patroling. Frank and matt always being cocky at each other bout reader and who shes gonna like more? You know that typical frank matt dynamic I LOVE THAT ❤️

hi hun, matt and frank are an incredible duo i totally agree so here you go!

*3am*

you wake up from a shallow sleep, you feel wind blowing on your skin, “odd” you think. your bedroom window is wide open, you turn over in bed realising you’re alone, for fucks sake matt. again? when are you ever gonna get a good and peaceful nights rest with him, you get up trying to adjust your eyes to the dark looking for your phone. you call and you call, with each voicemail driving you more into worry and anger. eventually matt answers

“i can’t talk right now my love.” before you can get a word in the phone hangs up. you’re sick of this. worried to pieces and so pissed off. this is horrible. you start crying, you can’t help it anymore with how unreliable and dismissive he’s being all the time. it’s not fair. you make another phone call this it’s not to matt, but to frank. he barely gave your phone time to ring before picking up. “hey is everything okay?” he says,

“yeah um. it’s just matt again im worried” frank can tell by the way you’re speaking that you’re tired and anxious it isn’t the first time you’ve called with something like this. “do you want me to get ahold of him?” he asks dreading your answer. “i don’t know frank. it feels useless, he’s gonna do the same thing tomorrow anyway” the hopelessness in your voice is undeniable

“how about i come get you?”

“yeah i’d like that” your answer is almost hesitant. he’s never suggested anything like this before.

“i’ll be there, we can give red a scare when he gets back. see how he likes you not picking up the phone huh?” a slight smile appears on your face. “thanks frank i’ll see you.”

*4 am*

you’re sitting franks apartment on your third drink. kinda slurring your words, you’re laid out on his couch dumping your drunk babble on him “he thinks he’s so mysterious.. i hate it if i’m so important why is it-” “you are important”frank cuts you off. silence lingers in the air for a little, “i should get you to bed maybe, i’ll take the couch don’t worry”

“i don’t know. i don’t wanna worry my matthew”

“worry him then. it’ll be a taste of his own medicine. fucker hasn’t a right to treat you like that anyway” franks words are filled with a bitterness, like seeing you mistreated genuinely *hurts him.*

“but what if he thinks something happened to me frank?”

“nothing has. and nothing will i’ve got you”

[cavejebus]

my adam playlist is about 20 songs now, so im gonna post it even though it is still a WORK IN PROGRESS!!!! ill add onto it when i wanna ofc, but i just wanna share a lil bit of my visionnn <3 expect a lot of linkin park lmao

some songs might not show up on the tumblr preview so i highly recommend going to the actual playlist if you have spotify!!

and batuta din moldova is there too cuz why not

below is a few categories and explanations for most songs!!!

ANGSTY SHIT

songs I thought either the lyrics or vibe had something to do with his angst... usually has to do with his background, during the trap, after the trap (whether he survived or not), or just headcanons :P

1. paper cuts - nirvana

"my whole existence is for your amusement", "why do they not try to escape?"

i THINK this song is about this dude who is like, in a really shitty kidnapping situation.... or something idk don't quote me on that :P it gives off the vibe of how it must've felt being in the bathroom all alone :( waiting for his boyfriend to save him :(

2. pictures of me - elliot smith

"you'll be the victim of your own dirty tricks", "i'm not surprised at all and really, why should i be?", "so sick and tired of all these pictures of me")

i like the whole pictures tie in.. the song isn't rlly about this, but some lyrics seem like how he would feel about being in a trap. like "I'm not surprised jigsaw chose me for this, my life is shit!!" ofc that would be if he knew who jigsaw was beforehand....... self deprecating shit yknow

3. given up - linkin park

"stuck in my head again//feels like i'll never leave this place//there's no escape", "thought i was focused, but I'm scared//i'm not prepared", "i hyperventilate//looking for help somehow, somewhere//and no one cares"

OK so first quote from this that I chose is like, how he sees his life as some useless "live to die" type thing, then the next quotes are how he realizes that he REALLY doesn't wanna die at the end of the trap. despite his whole "my life is shit I hate my job yadda yadda" talk, he still begs for his life once it's really in danger!!!

4. black heart - stone temple pilots w/ chester benningtion

"rescue me//(If you don't mind)"

lawrence......rescue this bitch....... ok but this song is mostly vibes, it can have angsty vibes :P

5. go with the flow - queens of the stone age

"she said, "i'll throw myself away//they're just photos after all", "i can't make you hang around//i can't wash you off my skin"

MORE PHOTO STUFF!!!!!! love it when it all ties in......... for the second quote its kind of a chainshipping thing... i cant make you hang around, adam goin "don't leave me!!!!" and i cant wash you off my skin, lawrence left his frickin bloody handprint on adams face.... oughh

6. and one - linkin park

"left all alone//far from my home//no one to hear me, to heal my ill heart", "it's too late to love me now//you don't even know me"

this song just generally gives angsty adam vibes, but the second quote is TOTALLY CHAINSHIPPING..... like they literally just met but already have such a connection since they went thru all that SHIT. but uh its too late for them to live a happy normal life together cuz lawrence never came back womp womp!! i can see adam sitting there waiting like "he don't even know me why tf would he come backk"

VIBES/STUFF HE'D LIKE

whether its based off of whatever tf he was listening to in his headphones that one time, or just based off of the time... i think his music taste would generally be pretty vast, while still staying around nu metal and alternative rock

1. one step closer, papercut, don't stay - linkin park

its 2001, hybrid theory has been release and is already fairly popular, i'd assume :P plus I think he'd favor linkin park since they've got a lot of complexity, as opposed to some mindless nu metal around that time

2. guns (are for pussies), down - 311

AGAIN with the rap x rock wtf!!!! he also like, cares about politics and probably trash talks all those gun loving dummies

3. brain stew - green day

who tf doesnt like this song... but it is about rotting in your room and he probably does that often <3

4. break stuff - limp bizkit

DO I HAVE TO SAY WHY I PUT THIS ONE???? ITS BREAK STUFF LIMP BIZKIT COME ON!!!!

5. the fear (flipped) - the shins

honestly have no idea why, but its giving adam!!! dunno what the song is about, but i glanced at the lyrics mentioned a bong and i was like "haha adam smokes weed"

6. tired of sex - weezer

he would like pinkerton, but i kinda only like this song off of it :P i don't listen to much weezer

7. blister in the sun, kiss off - violent femmes

i kinda just wanted to add in the acoustic sounding shit, but i do think adam would listen to violent femmes!! and you should too!!!

8. break it to me - muse

have y'all noticed that he kinda lied a lot during the trap? sure he isn't a good liar, but he seems like he's cool with lying for whatever reason... i just kinda picked this one cuz i needed to add some muse and the song kinda says shit about lying and stuff idk!!

CHAINSHIPPING SHIT

other than the angsty chainshipping in the "angsty shit" category, these just have cutesy lil lawrence x adam stuff <3 sorry to SHOVE chainshipping down your throat but whatever love is love

1. add it up - violent femmes

not specifying which lyric even though there IS one, i'm just embarrassed to say <3 but uh the only thing stopping them from making out sloppy style on top of john kramer was their chains :P

again, i WILL be adding more to this :3 but here's just my thoughts for now. im TOTES not just projecting my music taste onto adam hahahahhhhahahhahahhhaaa he's just so ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry if none of this makes sense!!!

[thedivineflowers]

hi!!! Love you works they’re so silly and good😜but sad😔 anyway I hope you’re doing well! I wanted to ask for when the boys (idk how many you’ll take but I think if you need a limited amount go with the first years😭) but yea when the boys say something plain ass bitchy and mean to middleschool!reader, like how were magic-less useless kid (looking at you Ace😡) saying some shit about our family or babying us too much till it become insufferable or smth and then when we get rightfully upset and cry or get upset (leaning on crying for more drama, angst and guilt😘) they realize how bad they fucked up and apologize, I feel like we would be a little stubborn about the apology depended on who it is to😭 but yea my goofy ahh request take your time and you can switch up the characters it’s your writing I don’t care! Love you works<333

YEHAHAHAHAHAH I LOVE THIS IDEA SM AND I LIKE DONT REALLY HAVE A LIMIT UNLESS I COULDNT REALLY THINK OF SOMETHING SO EYEYEYEY

OKAY IMA ETART IM SOMEZCIYED

I ONLY DID THE FIRST YEARS BECAUSE IT WAS GONNA TAKE SOME TIME AND I DIDNT WANT TO KEEP YOU WAITING SO HERE 😆

Ace: he’d always tease you. And during the first few weeks when he was warming up to you he’d diss you by saying that you were nothing without magic. He even referred to you as the useless and magicless kid for some time. Even after months he still referred to you as that and one day you just bursted. “Why can’t you shut up about me being magicless?! I know I’m at a disadvantage but I’m tired of it! The jokes dead now why can’t you get it!? If I could I’d just make a portal by myself to go back to my world so I don’t have to listen to you all damn day but guess what?! Im just some useless and magicless kid!!” You shouted at tears ran down your face. You stormed away and he tried running after you but you quickly maneuvered away from him. Because of his pride he didn’t apologize for days and stayed quiet when around you. One day after he was given a reality check by Deuce he apologized because guilt was really eating away at him. You still avoided him for a bit just to make sure but your friendship came back together.

Deuce: he kinda has a temper (to me he does) and he’ll let it out sometimes making him call you shit like Ace. But because he is trying to be a good student (and a good friend) he’d be very quiet if he’d call you things but you always manage to him whisper it to himself. One day you two were alone in the classroom doing detention because you two got into a fight when a guy mocked you. “Hey, Deuce.” You called him with an empty tone. “Do you really wish that I had magic. That I had someone to look after me so you didn’t have to stick around me all the time?” You asked as you eyes were glued to the table in front of you. Barely managing to answer the first question on your math homework. “I see how you look at me when I mess something up because I lack magic. I just wanna know.” You said as there was a pressure on your throat. Like you wanted to throw up and let out a yell at the same time. His answer only made the pressure worse as your breathing became short. Did he really think that it’d been better if the magic mirror didn’t pick you? That you’d only stay as the schools janitor? You quickly walked out leaving everything behind to go to the teachers bathroom that you had access to. Everyone thought the same thing about you so why were you throwing up in the sink and crying your eyes out? Because you thought of him as different? No. Deuce came to your dorm later that evening with your completed math homework and backpack. He sighed before apologizing about what he said earlier and the things he’s called you. After some talking your friendship was alright but with rockiness

Jack: At first because you were obviously magicless he’d be very overbearing to you when it comes to things like flying your broom three feet off the ground. He’d chastise you when you used simple spells by waking you up the morning and running with him. He’s trying to protect you but it seems that he underestimates what you know you can and can’t do. You’d get frustrated and try to express that you didn’t need to be babied but the words would just stay stuck in your throat because you knew that he was just trying to look after you. “I can do this Jack! You need to stop worrying about me with small things like having the damn ladle stir itself in the pot! I’m not gonna get hurt with it and I know you’re looking after me but you’re making me uneasy like I could die from just touching a book about small spells! You’ve seen me fly a broom around and be perfectly fine in Mr. Crewels class so what is it that makes you think that I need you breathing down my neck all the time?! Is it because I’m magicless and from another world? Is it because I’m still a kid?” You bubbles over and spewed at him one day while you were making yourself dinner. Jack stood there as he awkwardly looked to the side trying to find an excuse. “I-“ “Im not as fragile as you think. If I was I would’ve been dead.” He’d been contemplating how much magic you could handle and he knows you know that he’s watching over you but he doesn’t know that it was getting overwhelming for you. He avoided you for a bit before apologizing and admitting that he had protected you because he feared you were weak because you were still a kid. You nodded in understanding and forgave him.

Epel: he had a small ego boost because he heard that you were magicless and a child who still knew nothing. He’d also heard Vil chatting away about you and saying mean things even when you were around. So he thought that you wouldn’t mind if he did too. You tried getting along with him at one point but he just pushed you away. “Is there something wrong with me that makes you stay away from me? I know that Im nothing like you but I’m trying to make an effort to get along with you!” You cornered him one day in the hall with small tears about to well over. He had almost nothing to say but a small peep “Does me being magicless and from another world disgust you? If it does then just say it already so I can leave you the hell alone and stop wasting my time trying to make an effort!” You demanded “I- no, not at all! I just…” He cleared his throat away of his country accent. “I thought that a kid like you couldn’t go through so many things and not have anything to hold onto yourself, ‘thought it was silly and that everyone and you were bluffin’ so I pushed you away because I thought you were way over yourself before I even got the chance to talk you properly…” he trailed off as you wiped your eyes and looked at him in understanding. Over time you both tried holding conversations to get to know each other and get warmed up so the same mistake doesn’t happen again. (It is hot in my damn room help 😭)

(The ones from diasomnia don’t really know you here)

Sebek 😈: He’d always talk about it was ‘impossible for a child with nothing to their name’ to even do anything in a world where they didn’t belong when he wasn’t stuffing his mouth with praises for Malleus. How ‘Their parents clearly made a mistake in raising them’ because you couldn’t cast a spell in class without needing help or looking at the instructions again. He’d even insult you in front of Malleus when you do someone like walk past their table “That child has no grace when they walk! Even in the presence of my lord himself! Utterly disgusting!” He’d say and the other three wouldn’t really respond because they hardly know you. One day Mr. Crewel had you two paired in a project so you two went to a secluded place to start (I mean he walked away while you followed after him.). “For the hundredth time that species will poison you! Can’t you understand?! Sevens I don’t know how you’re alive when you can’t even memorize stuff like this.” He muttered as he pinched the space between his eyes. You then slammed your fists in the table with tears of Frustration boiling up. “Can’t you understand that I can’t get a grasp of things here?! I’m only (age) and I’m in the (grade) grade! No sebek I cant understand anything because I’m not from here! I’m not supposed to be here making spells or talking to you because I’m supposed to be in a world where I get shut out like you have done to me because of shit like this! I don’t have an identity but only my face as proof of my existence! I don’t care about this project anymore you can blame me all you want I’m leaving.” You concluded before shoving papers in your bag and hastily walking away before he could even speak. After he had complained of what you said to him to Lilia he suggested that he look at it from your view and apologize. So he did. Which earned him nothing more than a smack on the face and a door to his nose. It’s up to you if you forgive him.