#but im going to pretend hes trying (and failing) to be discreet in asking

[smalltowncryptidfucker]

You can’t just ask your closeted Bi friend stuff like that, John 🤨

(Image description in alt.)

[sailorhyunjinz]

hey Cherryyy~ who do u think in SKZ would walk in on their s/o taking a shower and they just sit down like hey<3 and you go 'Hey<3 wanna Join Me ?' and they are just like 'Nah, i just wanna look at you<3 helpp i am sof t - birdie💜

probably minho and chan

minho would be v nonchalant about it, stating that you don't need to mind him whenever he just randomly opens the bathroom door and LEGIT JUST SITS AND WATCHES YOU. If you ask him to join IM PRETTY SURE HE WOULD LIKE IN A HEARTBEAT but sometimes he doesnt, just sitting and watching you as his bulge grows bigger

chan is more shy about it but because he's secretly horny like all the time he would try by being discreet about it, first acting as if he needed to fetch something quickly from the bathroom but he absolutely didnt, taking his time by rummaging through the bathroom cupboard and you were just showering, after a while asking him what he was looking for. he just kinda ignored your question and occasionally casting glances at you as he pretended to look for something WHICH YOU CAUGHT ON PRETTY QUICKLY and told him to get out before you'd kick his butt. MISSION FAILED,,, sorta-

also hi!! i dont think ive seen you as an anon before?~~ welcome welcome <33

[alighieri-sparda]

Dante & Vergil + S/O Trying On a Ball Gown Dress

Sweetly requested by anon ♡ | Masterlist | Rules

Hello, my dear. Don’t worry, your request is not weird, trust me x) It is actually really lovely! Hope you like it.

I wasn’t sure if you wanted romantic or nsfw headcanons (srry im dumb), so I went for the secure way of fluff. I mean, I put a sliiight nsfw mention at the end, but if you didn’t want that, don’t be affraid of asking me to re-write it! 

By the way, I think I went a little further than intended with your suggestion. I truly hope you don’t mind. :’)

WARNING: slight mention of nsfw at the end of each headcanon. 

- - -

Dante

Oh, Patty’s 18th birthday party. Dante tried to skip it up by going to hell with Vergil and everything, but well, we’re talking about the Sons of Sparda. They made their way back to the human world in the blink of an eye.

Although he was happy to be able to stay with his S/O again, there’s still something Dante needed to worry about. And this time, he had no way out.

He started to complain about this party since they woke him up. Classy parties are a pain in the ass for him; the fun he could have is extremely limited. They made their best to ignore Dante’s protests and settle everything for tonight’s party.

Unlike Dante, that ran away from his responsibilities (again), his S/O got so busy helping Patty that they’ve forgotten to get properly dressed for the party. When the guests started to enter the main hall, they needed to go home quickly to dress up.

When they arrived home, Dante was waiting for them on the couch. And dressed properly. Unbelievable.

“Someone’s kinda late.” He teased, playfully smirking at them and their cute angry face.

“You did nothing, you bastard. Now shut up, I’m dressing up and then we go back.” 

They took about ten minutes to finally get ready. Dante was almost sleeping on that couch, but when they left their room... His eyes sparkled.

That red gown dress looked magnificent on them. Although the dress type was designed to be classy, their body was duly enhanced by those ruby satin fabrics — mostly due to their exposed shoulders, something that  quickly caught Dante’s attention. He watched them cross the room to talk to him completely speechless by their stunning beauty.

When his S/O standed beside him to finally go to the party, Dante just got up from the couch and grabbed their waist smoothly, looking them at their eyes. His smile was playfull as usual, but also really soft and passionated.

“And when I thought you couldn’t get more beautiful, here you are.” 

Dante kisses them before finally leaving their apartment and going to Patty’s birthday. He was strangely excited when they both left the building. Oh, Dante’s mind was on fire. But he kept everything on his mind until they left the party.

Dante didn’t take his eyes from them during the entire party. He was still bored, but at the same time, he wanted to watch them wearing that dress a little more.

Vergil

Vergil and his S/O were invited to a friend of theirs wedding. Like the anti social person he is, Vergil didn’t want to go at first. But when he noticed their excitement about that, he decided not to complain and just go with them.

He was still not very excited. The Qliphoth incident was still very recent; Vergil basically just came back from hell with Dante, so he wasn’t sure about dealing with other people and living as a normal person.

At least it would be an elegant and calm place. And their presence would also help him as well.

The night was getting closer. They were organizating their clothes and arrangements, and Vergil was still pretty silent about that situation. He didn’t talk to them about his discouragement because he just wanted to see them happy after everything that happened. 

Something caught his eye while he was quietly reading at his armchair, just waiting for them to call him to dress up and go to the party. It was his S/O, trying on their apparently new dress for tonight. They were in front of the mirror, slowly moving their body to check if that dress was suiting them properly.

Vergil immediately stopped reading — pretending not to do so, because he’s a discreet person — and started to look at them. That navy blue adorned with those delicate dark spangles by the torso matched perfectly with the silk sleeves, giving them a classy and delicate look. He has never seen his S/O like that, and he can tell that he’s not disappointed.

They suddenly turned back to Vergil, looking troubled. “You really don’t want to go, do you?”

On the other hand, the eldest son of Sparda sighed, putting his book aside and going towards them. Once he got closer enough, Vergil softly touched their chin and smiled.

“If I am going to be accompanied by a so gorgeous person like you, what are my reasons to stay home?” He brushes his fingers against their cheeks. “I may not deserve someone so divine, my darling.”

His S/O actually ended up conviving him to go, even though they did it without realizing. A slight tone of red blushed their cheeks as Vergil held their waist and kissed them before starting to dress up.

Vergil didn’t stop looking at them during the whole party. He tried to be discreet as much as he could, but he surely failed. Their beauty was stunning.

At some point, during the ball dance, he whispered at their ear: “I may not deserve you and your stunning beauty, but I can’t help feeling jealous about those who are devouring you with their eyes. Consider making me sure that you are still mine later, my darling.”

[kwrittink]

Unless?

Pairing: Reader x Im Jaebum (FTL)

Genre: PWP

Warnings: language, sexual insinuation, mentions of hanjob and description, mentions of bowjob and description.

"Fuck, I'm so tired..." Your friend groaned as he dropped on the couch beside you, hand reaching out to pinch at your sweater, slightly pulling you towards him.

"Rough day?" You snickered, giving in and leaning on his side, his arms immediately encasing you against his chest, squeezing you once and sighing. That kind of coziness was usual with you two, knowing each other since your teenage years. It had something else mixed with it, you had to admit, but it was easy to ignore that itch and avoid risking that friendship.

Though discreet teasing wasn't beyond any of you.

"Yeah, my whole body hurts, who would have thought producing songs could stress someone out like this." He rolled his eyes tiredly, head tipping back to the couch. You couldn't help to stare at his jaw and neck, having the urge to press your lips on the skin and discover what sound Jaebum would make, what would happen next. But again, you kept it to yourself in favor of friendship.

"Do you want a massage or something?" You still offered, knowing he enjoyed a shoulder rub sometimes and making an excuse to put your hands on him. It wasn't like you had ulterior motives every time, just that you did see the pros and cons of your actions.

Jaebum shook his head. "No, I just want to stay still for a bit, recharge my spirits." You smiled as he pulled you closer, making you rest your head at his chest, the steady rythm of his heart your personal favorite beat.

"You know, I'd advise you to take a bath and go beat one off, but you're very comfy," you joked, hearing him bark a laugh and shake his head at you.

"Why do I feel like that comes from experience, hm?" He looked down at you,  a smirk playing in the corner of his lips.

"Because it does. An orgasm really does the trick, you know." You stared matter-of-fact, trying to keep a serious expression on, but failing miserably as you held your gaze for just a couple seconds. He

"Must be nice. But I'm too lazy to move my arm right now,"

"I could do it for you, if you want,"

"... What?"

"What?"

"Did you just offer me a handjob?" He turned his body to face you in surprise, one of his legs bending in front of him, unconsciously pushing you away.

"I mean it's a joke," you shrugged awkwardly, face burning as you tried to look away from his now falling expression.

"Oh..." And the disappointment was so clear on his voice that you felt compelled to look back, swallowing dryly.

"Unless..."

There was silence. For what it felt an eternity, you stared at each other's eyes, trying to grasp the seriousness of the other.

"But what about us-"

"This doesn't have to change anything if you don't want to," you started, pulling away from his body, putting some space in between your bodies to properly look at his face. Jaebum had his jaw slack as he stared back at you, shock completely stamped on his face. "W-we can even pretend I've never said anyth- Oh dear." You almost choked as your eyes glanced downwards, meeting a very prominent outline straining against your best friend's jeans.

"I don't think I'm able to forget what you've said at this point, Y/N." His voice was low, eyes never leaving your face. You breathed out almost... Relieved in a way, grin tugging at the corner of your lips.

Slowly you crawled back to him, closing the small gap back again, kneeling in front of him. "Okay then Im Jaebum, I'm going to touch you."

You were able to see his face finally relaxing as he nodded, eyelids lowering as he pressed one elbow on the armrest behind him, leaning the weight of his torso on it, stretching the previously bent leg beside you and, efficiently putting himself at your mercy. You had to bit your lower lip while admiring the image in front of you as you touched his knees, sliding your palms upwards.

"Fuck," you heard him curse under his breath, your fingers barely reaching the now twitching bulge. It made you smile, ego swelling in your chest to see Jaebum this riled up about whatever you would do to him.

Ignoring the silent beg to be touched properly you kept your way up his torso, breaching his shirt and feeling soft skin under your fingertips, teasing it with your nails just to test the waters, get to really know what would drive him insane. Jaebum sighed as he saw you had no intentions of giving in just yet, closing his eyes and enjoying your exploring.

In a sudden move, you flicked his nipples lighty, making his eyes shoot open and gasp, about to ask what you were doing, but you quickly drew back, giving a firm squeeze to his crotch and immediately making him hiss at the sudden contact, even if still over the clothes.

"Y/N, pl- C'mon..." His frustrated tone shouldn't please you so much, the way he pinched his shirt discreetly, eyes pleading.

"Sheesh, a girl can't have her fun..." You joked under your breath, not even trying to hide the wide grin on your lips as you looked back up again, meeting his glare.

Getting back to your task, you struggled a little with his belt before yanking it open, starting to get eager yourself to unwrap him. You glanced at Jaebum again, finding him focused on your hands with a bitten lower lip and breathing heavily, only hitching quietly when you were able to pop his button and drag the ziper down.

"Raise your hips a little please," you asked, voice faltering as he looked up at you again. Jaebum almost made you feel nervous, wasn't for how aroused you were already by just his expressions.

As he did as you requested, you made quick work of both the jeans and boxers underneath, tugging them down in a swift movement, just enough that his erection sprung free, slapping up his clothed stomach. Both you and Jaebum cursed quietly. You could only imagine how his cock was before but somehow the real thing was better. More fitting.

Tentatively, you wrapped one hand around the shaft and gave it a small squeeze, watching as Jaebum tensed immediately, gaze trained on your movements.

"Feels so hard Bomie," you tried to speak, licking your lips in an attempt to make your mouth work properly. "Does it hurt?"

"Hah- A little," he cleared his throat, also having some issues with communication. "On the tip..." He pointed out and as if by prompting you moved your hand up, caressing the pointed out part, smearing the precum that already oozed from the head. Jaebum hummed pleased with your ministrations, giving you the last of confidence you needed to really get your hands on him.

Wrapping both of your hands around his cock you started to jerk him slowly at first, putting some pressure on his tip and dragging long groans from his throat, Jaebum gradually getting louder as you made him feel good.

"F-fuck feels good Y/N," he started when your pace got random. "Your hands on my cock, shit, so damn good!" He grunted, closing his eyes and you observed his face, noticing sweat starting to form on top of his furrowed brows.

"You wanna cum already? You can cum whenever, I wanna make you feel good, m'kay?" You reassured him but Jaebum shook his head.

"No, 'm not cumming yet." He stated, and you weren't sure if he was telling you or trying to convince himself of that. His dick throbbed in your hands flushed red, and you wanted nothing more to make him release, feel his cum stain your hands, your face...

"Jaebum," you called him, forcing him to open his eyes and look at you in a haze, lower lip caged between his teeth. "I want to taste you, so bad."

For a second you noticed he didn't know what to do, eyes shaking and lips gaping before your friend nodded brokenly, down to whatever you wanted to do to him by that point.

You were trying to keep in control, on the back of your mind thinking that going too deep with the whole thing would be bad. But by then you too were barely stopping yourself from straddling him and letting Jaebum have your way with you.

Scooting back a little, you focused on his cock and practically salivated as you leaned closer. This was to be etched in your memory forever, the stare Jaebum was giving you, looking so fucked out already as he sat up straighter to watch you better, fingers running over his tousled locks.

"Hnng- Holy sh-" you could physically feel the shudder that ran over his body when your lips wrapped around his tip, suckling experimentally. You hummed at the tang of his precum, eyes falling close  as you lowered further, tongue flattening on his length.

"Y/N, damn- That's so good hah," Jaebum straight up moaned, one if his hands shooting to the back of your head, just as a reflex. "Just like that, that's it!"

His sounds had your gut twisting and tingling, so much it was hard to avoid moaning around his cock every time the tip hit the back of your throat. You could feel his fingers twitching on your hair, eager to control your movements, fuck your mouth on his cock.

The breaking point was your fingers reaching his balls, delicately rolling the heavy loaded organ in your hand, causing his hips to jut upwards, the other hand finally joining in the back of your head and grabbing at your hair carelessly, pressing you down till your nose was pressed to his base.

"Y/N I'm- I'm gonna fuck your mouth I need to mmh cum in your pretty mouth," you forced yourself to keep your eyes open to look at Jaebum as he thrusted up shallowly into your mouth, grunting nonsense with every thrust. You were gagging, spit pooling at the sides of your lips by then, eyes teary with the invasion. But in a weird way, it felt so good to see him loosing his mind over you. 

The closer he was to sweet release, the louder he got. Among moans he changed your name, forcing your head deeper down as you struggled to keep a pace between sucking and laving his cock, that throbbed hard inside your mouth. And you wanted nothing more to see him finish, so you tried the move that for him crazy one more time, fingers touching delicate skin before grabbing at the sensitive organs and rolling them carefully, watching Jaebum trash and tremble with his head thrown back, mouth slack as he breathed hard.

"I'm - fuck - cumming! I'm cum- hngah shit I love you I'm cumming Y/N, fuck fuh!" And as foretold, ribbons of thick cum started coating the inside of your mouth while you tried to swallow, helping his high with a lazy hand stroking at his base.

You heard what he said, you heard the confession but, in the midst of an orgasm it was really easy to say those things, to blurt enhanced feelings.

"I said it, didn't I?"

"What? You said a lot of thing, Boomie," you tried to play dumb, cleaning the corners of your lips with your thumb, feeling a sorta welcome soreness in your jaw.

Not a man of patience, Jaebum groaned in frustration and pulled you by the arm, and hadn't you held on his shoulders, you would have tipped off the couch. But there was no time to complain of his roughness when his lips pressed against yours, skin a little cold from the recent climax, his still trembling hands reaching to grip your face and keep you there, stunned, till you found the way to breathe again and sighed against his lips, finally kissing him back.

Before the exchange got deeper Jaebum pulled away, still holding your face as he pressed his forehead to yours.

"Please let's not ignore this happened. Be with honest me, Y/N."

"Jaebum you-"

"I know. I know you think I said that because of the moment, but I already loved you before. I couldn't hold it any longer."

You opened your eyes to look at him, smiling a little as you moved to hold his sides. "That's what he said," you joked, making him roll his eyes and groan.

"Look I love you but shut up and kiss me," Jaebum scoffed, pressing his lips back to yours again and you chuckled, responding to the request by wrapping your arms around his neck.

_____________________________________

drabbles/scenarios

[peaky-shelby]

The key | josh and donna

Words: 1.992

Fandom: the west wing

Ship: josh lyman and Donna

Summary: what would happen if josh had taken that key?

Dedication: @r20ebecca for waiting so patiently to read this.

Spoilers? Nothing important no.

Author's note: this is my first time writing something for josh and Donna pls be kind.

Maybe it was the way that the light fell on her or her discreet blonde curls that looked great on her. Maybe it was her make up today, she must have done something different otherwise it made no sense for her to look so different. There was something unique about her tonight, the way she smiled, the way she laid her eyes on him, the way she spoke with confidence he had never noticed before. He always knew she was a strong woman, he had felt her strength hitting him on the back of his head many times before, he had felt the strength of her voice yelling at him a hundred times before and he had met these confident eyes every day of he life for the last 8 years and more. But tonight it was different.

He thought about all that and more as he sat across from her on the table, he thought about the unexpected kiss and he thought about everything on in the few seconds he was there. She smiled at him, a sincere smile like she was reading his mind and telling him it was OK because she was thinking about it too. Was it inappropriate to let his mind wonder like this? He wanted to kiss her again, hold her cheeks, melt in his arms, surrender in her touch like a young teenage boy.

Donna suddenly looked away, taking his breath away as she did. Then in a slow but confident movement she placed an envelope with a key on the table and slid it towards him while the others laughed and talked about a subject josh couldn't pay any less attention to fight now.

He stated at her a little terrified, a little confused. A thousand questions ran through his head but before they could slip out his mouth the same way she slipped the key, Donna was on her feet, wishing everyone a goodnight.

"I'm turning in" she said while raising her glass and drinking it down what was left from her wine. Josh watched her closely while she did that. His eyes examining her like he was meeting her for the first time, trying to understand the signals she was sending. He didn't want to make a mess of this moment, what if it was all in his head. Hesitation was messing in his head like a tornado, polling data was being drawn in pictures. He looked at the key, his heart beating faster, he leaned in quickly and snatched it. Hid it in his pocket like he had just committed a crime. After she was out of his view he looked at the rest of the team, faking a smile now and then, pretending he was listening. He stayed there a few minutes longer before clearing his throat, capturing everyone’s attention and stood up, rubbing his suit.

“alright im off too guys. Don’t have too much fun without me.” He smiled, taking his drink from the table and swallowing it all down in one ago. He was definitely going to need it.

On the way back to the rooms, his head kept spinning and his feet kept shaking. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe he should go back and have another drink. Maybe this was a line he shouldn’t cross but then again maybe crossing that line had been delayed for way too long. Thinking about everything on and on again like he was listening to a broken record he didn’t even realize he had reached Donna’s door. He stood still like a statue, looking at I like he was expecting it to open by itself or even better fall on him and push him on the floor. He sighed, shaking his head, he was such a moron. “stupid—I’m so stupid” he mumbled to himself. He huffed and puffed and naught as much time for himself as he could, he slid his hand in his pocket, playing with the key with his fingers. What was holding him back? This woman had been with him since the beginning, this woman was his best friend, his most trusted person in the world. He placed on of his hands in the door and leaned his head on it, closing his eyes. That’s it, he thought, that’s why. That woman had been with him since day one, that woman was his best friend and fear of losing her was to high a price for having her. He couldn’t let himself have her, love her, hid her, to this day he had lost so much, he couldn’t stand to lose her too. “I can’t… “ he whispered, licking his lips “I can’t” he repeated and just like that he didn’t. He raised his head, let his hand slip of the wooden door and stepped back. He glimpsed at it one last time before turning his back and walking away. Still playing with the key, still wondering until-

“for a politician you’re a huge coward you know that?” it was her, standing in the hall behind him telling at him. He stopped immediately, looked back at her and then behind him making sure no one else was, watching.

He gulped “I’m not actually a politician” he pointed, the same old teasing smile on his face.

“sure you are” she said, crossing her hands to her chest and walking closer to him “you find a bill you like, a bill that is good but then they come and tell you it will ruin your picture so you back away like a coward and the whole education system fails-“ her voice was getting louder while she spoke. Josh was very confused. He made some hesitant steps closer to her, smiling.

“did you just compare yourself to an education bill? Because let me absolutely clear id never do that-“

“JOSH!” She snapped, startling him.

“OK we can’t do this here-“

“I’m not going to be the girl that waits for you until I’m old and gray and realize that I’ve spent my entire life doing just that-“

“did you perhaps have a little more wine than you should have-“

“I understand you have things in your mind you need to solve and I’ve been patient but I’m a woman josh I have needs-“

He grabbed her hand quickly, before she could continue the sentence and took her in the room closing the door. The room was dark and cold, for some reason she had left the air condition running. They couldn’t see each other but the could feel each other’s stares. Intense and terrified. It was a matter of who would speak first but for what it seemed Donna wasn’t in the mood to continue her speech and josh was too scared he’d get slapped in the face of he tried to say anything at all. Suddenly Donna sighed and leaned her head forward, her hair brushing his shoulder, only then he realized how close they were. “I’m sorry” she said, shaking her head and light curls “im sorry. I’m an idiot, I shouldn’t have-“ she was obviously trying to find the right words, josh smiled at her rumbling. He thought it was adorable. “I’m sorry I snapped. You’re trying to manage a campaign, we’re here to do a job- im a fool-“

“you’re not a fool” he corrected her quickly. Lowering his head just a little, his hair barely touching the top of hers. “a little tipsy maybe but not a fool.”

“im not drunk josh I’m pissed- which I suppose for a woman it’s the same.” She raised her head, her for head hit his nose. “Oh my god-“ He groaned in pain, although stumbling like this around each other wasn’t so unfamiliar to him. He held his nose with his hand “in so sorry” she said, trying to find his nose in the dark-

“that’s my eye- Ouch- why would you do that?” he whined, when fingers got in his eye.

“I’m Sorry!” she repeated louder

“can you open the light?” he asked in a high pitched voice.

“yeah!” she stepped forward, accidently stepping on his foot with her hill “OH MY GOD-“

“IM NOT ENJOYING THIS DONNA!”

She stretched her hand to find the light switch, trying not to move too much so she wouldn’t hit him again somehow. She finally got it but couldn’t quite reach it so she leaned in forward and pushed josh on the wall while doing so, josh yelled again but she finally opened it. The light filled the room, a sudden warmth captivated them both. Except maybe it wasn’t so much the light as the fact that josh was pinned against the wall and Donna was on him. She raised her eyes at him, these blue eyes that for 8 years and more had been his constant reminder of hope. His hiding place that he was to proud of to show anybody else, sometimes even himself. He gulped, looking in between her eyes and her lips time and time again.

“I don’t know what this is” he said in his raspy voice. Her breath hit his cheeks like a summer evening breeze. The smell of wine captured all his senses.

“I don’t either.” She confessed. She twitched her lips, looking down at his “but I whatever it was this morning I liked it.”

“yeah I liked it too.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“is your nose ok?”

“I think so.”

“your eye?”

“I guess”

“can you see me?”

“why did you live the air-condition on?”

“I like the cold”

“you’re a masochist, you know that?”

“I’m here with you aren’t I?”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

She shrugged her shoulders “I’m not sure”

“why did you give me the key Donna?”

“why do you think?”

He locked his lips. The smell of wine was blocking all his rational thoughts from before, she had this naughty look in her eyes but it was mixed with her usual innocence. He raised his arm, stroking hers. She leaned closer, leaning her forehead on his. Their noses brushed against each other, he flinched a little.

“are you ok?” she asked

He thought about it and then quickly said “no” after that he leaned in closed and in an instant their lips collided the same way they did that morning only this time they were both more confident and sure if what they were doing. Josh cupped her face, she held on his waist. They made a step backwards together, moving together. Josh moved away from the wall and they walked backwards on the bed until josh slipped on of her shoes and they both fell down on the floor. Josh groaned in pain as he hit the ground but Donna laughed like a kid. Their luck was unmatchable. She laid her face on his chest, chuckling on his shirt.

“you think this is why it took us 8 years?” he muttered, trying to sit up. He laid his back against the bed, rubbing his face while Donna took a seat next to him. She rubbed her eyes, wiping away the tears of laughter.

“maybe we should wait another 8.“ she joked, turning her head to look at him.

He looked at her, shaking his head slowly, biting his lip. He answered the same way he had before “no” and leaned in again. This time it was slower and softer. This time it was love not affection. This time it was real, romantic, just them, no thinking, no joking. Nothing but then finally surrendering.

[sarah-grace114]

my fight with severe anxiety and depression:

it’s always been here.

there have always been times when i told myself “i’m not good enough”, “i’m not skinny enough”, “i’m not pretty enough”, “i want to leave this place”, “maybe they’re better without me”, “why can’t i just be happy like everyone else?”. there have always been times where i couldn’t find the motivation to do anything, but these were certain periods of time. they were not long lasting, they were not constant, they were not harmful, until one day they were. until one day the world caught up to me. it was something i thought was normal, something i thought all teenagers went through because of the stereotype that has been set by previous generations that this is all just a way for us to “find ourselves” and that “teenage years are the hardest for everybody”. facing these struggles- severe anxiety and depression- is neither finding yourself nor normal, it is a sickness that goes unnoticed every single day, just because it is not something you can physically see.

we all know how the saying goes; people never want to believe what they can’t see.

the signs started off discreet, but continued to build and strengthen everyday, one struggle, one problem after another. one day i stopped loving the things i loved the most... the things that always took my mind off of all the bad things running around in my head. then the next day i found my emotions scattered, being able to switch moods quicker than i can type a word on my phone. i found myself over eating and snacking and making myself miserable as a way to cope with my problems. then the next day i would only eat 1 thing to make up for everything i ate the day prior. i began to feel lonely. i lost all connections with people because i realized how different i was compared to them. i realized nobody cared, if they cared they would have realized i haven’t texted or checked in in weeks, where as i would usually reach out every day. i cut off all ties with people who seemed not to care, only to find i had nobody left.

time began to pass and the symptoms continued to appear and continued to become more constant: not eating, binge eating, constant sadness, constant mood swings, anger over nothing, shutting myself out, forgetting simple things, anxiety over presentations or simply speaking to people, not going out in public because i thought i looked bad, being overly self-conscious, longing for someone to notice something was wrong, numbness, thoughts about how much better it would be if i were gone, if i was dead, fear that someone would find out that something was wrong, anxiety over things i formerly never had a problem with, wanting attention, wanting friends, being easily annoyed, overly tired, wanting to be unbothered, wanting to be alone.

as contradicting as these things are, i wanted them, i needed them, and they never came. they still haven’t.

i tell myself nothing is wrong. what would my family think if they found out i was mentally ill? would they call me sick and treat me like i am less than what i was, treat me like i was made of glass? would they try to pretend nothing is wrong? would they deny it, as i do now, because they don’t want to face the reality that their “perfect child” is indeed not perfect at all, but broken? what would my teammates think? would they call me dramatic and gossip behind my back because they think i want attention? what would my coaches think when i told them i needed a mental health day during season? would i get punished for something i truly had no control over?

i try to throw myself into the few things i have left that bring me joy: researching, school, reading, watching movies, scrolling through certain social media platforms, however all i seem to find is myself becoming more and more tired every day.

i’m tired of fighting a war in which i’m losing every battle. it feels as though i cannot win.

i’m tired of failure, of hiding my reality, of my family slowing catching on and not doing anything about it, of people turning a blind eye, of people telling me it’s going to be okay when they have no idea what they’re saying will be okay or how to make it okay. i’m tired of the lies and trying so hard to be someone i’m not, just to feel like i belong. im tired of being able to hide it so well. im tired of being too scared to ask for help because i’m afraid of what people will think of me. i’m tired of everyone thinking i’m okay and not even turning their heads when i try to hint that somethings wrong.

i’m tired.

but i’m fighting. that’s good right? i’m still fighting.

i’m still here despite how much i don’t want to be. i’m still fighting for my family and the people who still claim to be my friends even though we haven’t talked in weeks, months even. i’m still here because i know my brother would hate himself for continuing to mess with me, fight with me, and insult me (as his way of joking around and play fighting), thinking it was harmless when it was actually hurting me. he would hate himself for not stopping when i told him to and realize that was the reason i would continue to get mad and upset. he would hate himself for not understanding my attempts at trying to hint to him that something was wrong. my dad would blame himself for being too hard on me to do better, for pushing me too hard. my mom would hate herself for not seeing that her baby was suffering, that she couldn’t wait to leave this awful place. she would blame herself for not being able to do anything or noticing my changes in behavior. and my little sister wouldn’t have her big sister to help her navigate through her own problems, to steal clothes from, to look up to, to talk about boys and everything else in harsh this world. and my puppy, my little tuck tuck, who never failed to brighten my day, would go looking in my room for me everyday not knowing that i would be gone forever, that i would not be coming back home. i’m here for them. i’m not living this life for me anymore, i never should have been in the first place. i’m living it for them and i’m living it for God, because with Him i can do all things. no matter my suffering, my sadness, or how miserable i am, he endured worse so that i could live my life with hopes of being forgiven on judgement day and enter his kingdom of eternal life, eternal happiness, and eternal worship. yes i am in pain, and yes i am still badly struggling, but i am trying. i am trying for them.

[nobeliumoxygenoxygen]

Seromina || Firsts

For Sero Ship Week Day 3: Firsts at @seroshipweek​

SUMMARY: Ashido tends to overshare her personal life on social media so it’s only fitting that she shares her favourite moments on it too, right?

But this time, it’s only for one pair of eyes.

GENRE: sero hanta x ashido mina, social media au (I think?)

TEXT from your queen 💕

follow @iloveutapeboi on insta its private but dw youll be accepted start from the first post!!!!!!!!

POSTS

1

[Image: Candid of Sero taken from the side; slightly blurry, low angle as if the photographer was trying to be discreet as they took it. He’s wearing an orange hoodie with black stripes. He’s grinning at someone in front of him and he holds a bitten meat pie in one hand. In the background, there are barely visible bowling lanes.]

Caption: the first time i thought to myself “maybe seros actually cute and i actually like him in a like like way” if that make sense lol. maybe there were other times but this was the earliest memory i could think of. this was after that laser tag game we all played and you did your whole dramatic self sacrificing for me (lol quickest way to my heart - take a laser tag shot for me). 

2

[Image: Image of the city taken from inside a bus. Half the image is of the seats of the bus whilst the other half are buildings of the city. A few people are in the shot, but they’re faces are unrecognisable.]

Caption: first time I realised I was in loveeee (i love youu) how cheesy amirite. its a bus because i realised it when we were going back to ua together after a field trip and idk i just had this light bulb moment ok ugh this is too cheesy were done here ily but im cringing too hard at the cheesinesssss (two posts in and im already dying but im pushing thru!!!!)

3

[Image: 2 puppies being held by someone who is clearly Sero by the look of the arms and his orange black striped hoodie. One puppy in each arm; a white pit bull and a brown one.]

Caption: our not-so-official first date?? idk if you’d call it that but like......we were alone together so idk??? u know i was going to actually confess today but the dogs were so cute they distracted me!! so i forgot lol!!! (theyre only sliiiiiightly cuter than u dw dw!!! 🤣)

4

[Image: Sero’s silhouette inside a movie theater. He’s facing the camera but it’s too dark to see much other than the shadows of his face and the glint of his white teeth in his grin. In the far left of the photo, the Lego Movie is playing.]

Caption: our official first date (tho i guess it was kinda rushed??? considering i literally told u i liked u like an hour earlier lmao but i wouldnt have it any other way ❤️)

5

[Image: Ashido’s room, taken from the doorway. The bed is unmade; the curtains are drawn back to let the sunlight in; the desk is a mess of school books and loose sheets. Ashido’s arms are outstretched in front of the camera; she’s forming a heart with her hands.]

Caption: place we had our first kiss!!! (tho we failed like five times and kept laughing!! the movies are wayyyy too serious - they make it seem like ur not allowed to laugh!! our kisses are so much better😘)

6

[Image: Pathway leading up into a park where cherry blossom trees frame the edges. There are a few passerbys and one dog, legs a blur, running through the image.]

Caption: place i asked you to be my boyfriend because SOMEONE STILL had this WEIRD idea that?? i??? didnt?? like?? them? EVEN AFTER?? LIKE FIVE DATES?? AND FIVE KISSES???

7

[Image: UA Heights Alliance common room. Looking through the windows, it’s night and there’s no one in there but there’s food wrappers strewn across the coffee table and the floor.]

Caption: place you said your first i love you (ok i suppose i shouldnt be salty about the boyfriend asking thing because first ilys are such a milestone!!!! ps. im still sorry i panicked when u said it lmao i love how we laugh about it but i know from sources coughbakuyellingthat1tapeboiwasstressingashell that you almost cried ilyyyyyyyy ❤️❤️❤️)

8

[Image: Close up focus of Sero’s lit up face. He’s giving a close-eyed smile to someone slightly to the left of the camera. Just making it in the frame is a slice of bright blond hair. The background is blurred but it is clearly of a busy beach; the sky is blue and there’s not a cloud in sight. There are two figures, one shirtless with red hair and one wearing a wetsuit cut off at the lower thigh with what might be black or dark purple hair in the water in the far background.]

Caption: when i said my first i love you (i love you toos and i love yous on phones dont count!!! and also u are sooooooo cute in this photo!!! not that ur not always cute ofc 😋)

9

[Image: Text screenshot. (Sent) Ashido: IM SO MAD AT U SERO HANTA ANSWER MEEE (Receiving) Sero: NEVER U TRAITOR (Sent) Ashido: UR THE TRAITOR!!!!]

Caption: first fight :( one of the saddest chapters of my life i hope we never do that again ❤️

10

[Image: Rice with natto on top, chopsticks on the side. The dish is on top of pink, patterned napkins.]

Caption: first (of many!!!!!!!!) anniversaries (see??? taking pics of food is VERY important!! and u dared to make fun of my ‘attempts at being aesthetics’!!)

11

[Image 1: Necklace in shape of a crown with engraving of words “Alien Queen”.  Image 2: Necklace is flipped over with engraving of words “Ashido Mina”.]

Caption: first (of many!!!!!!!!!!) anniversary presents (I LOVE IT SO MUCH WHY R U SO NICEEEEEEE ITS SO CUTE IM WEARING IT EVERYDAY ILY)

12

[Image: From the side, Sero smiling softly, looking up at a beautiful orange sky to match his brighter orange hoodie. His eyes are wide but he’s happy. Behind are a few trees.]

Caption: I love youuuuuuuuuuuu sero hantaaaaaaaaaa and dont you forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *spam of heart emojis* (also u r seriously wearing the same hoodie in like five of these pics w h y)

TEXT to your queen 💕

im actualy cryin can i call u

TEXT from your queen 💕

oof  [Image: google search bar “how to comfort crying boyfriend”.] ofc u can!!

CALL TRANSCRIPT:

Sero: How long have you been planning this? I love you so muchhhhhhhh. I’m crying, can you hear my tears? How did you do it? Did you go to every place or were you planning this from the beginning?

Ashido: *laughter* You can’t hear tears dummy. And you’re not meant to cry! Its meant to be a happy thing! *more laughter*

Sero: ...Glad to know your happy about my pain. ...Its amazing I have literally no words Ashido. I love it-I love you and I love us. Thank you so much.

Ashido: Awww don’t make me blush. It was nothing!

Sero: What do you mean NOTHING? Don’t insult yourself Ashido Mina this is...I don’t know-EVERYTHING!

Ashido: Okay that’s true. I’m awesome.

Sero: I’m going to treasure this forever. You’ll never delete this account right?

Ashido: *giggling* Course not!

Sero: It’s too amazing. Seriously, and I gave you the most cliche relationship present ever.

Ashido: Eesh don’t worry! I love my present! Besides it was the final piece for the account!

Sero: If you say so. You know, I don’t think a meme war counts as a fight...in a relationship...

Ashido: Of course it does! I was soooo angry at you. How could you side with Kirishima?! It was so frustrsting! You wouldn’t BELIEVE!

Sero: ...Trust me I believe. *muffled* Especially after you taped me to the ceiling.

Ashido: What was that?

Sero: Nothing! Also how’d you take the pic of your room with your arms in front of you? Is it...*whispers loudly* sorcery?

Ashido: *giggling* You got it. I have a second quirk that I-...I kept secret. Yup. But I’m telling you because you’re my boyfriend and all.

Sero: And I will totally believe you, because you’re my girlfriend, and all. Hey, I know you need your beauty sleep but can I come over--

Ashido: Yes!

Sero: --tomorrow--wait, what?

Ashido: Oh. Well-

Sero: *muffled snort* Someone’s desperate.

Ashido: *huff* Shhh! You can come over anytime!

Sero: Would you really not mind if I came over now? At like...*shuffling* eleven?

Ashido: Is that even a question? If you come over now, I can add it to the journal!

Sero: The journal?

Ashido: The account Sero!

Sero: Okay...Why? It’s not the first time I’ve been to your house. Firsts was the theme right?

Ashido: Yep! And I can make it ‘First night spent together’ wink wink.

Sero: …*muffled laugh* Whatever floats your boat.

Ashido: But you’re getting a cab here right? You better not walk out this late at night!

Sero: I mean, we’re both training to be heroes if we can’t walk out at night then what could we do--

Ashido: Sero you butt!

Sero: --but yes I’m getting a cab.

Ashido: Good! You better stay on the phone the whole time too!

Sero: Of course. I love you Ashido Mina.

Ashido: And I love you Sero Hanta! ...Wait are you still wearing that orange hoodie?

Sero: ...*distant mumbles* Why do you hate my beloved hoodie so much?

Ashido: *equally distant mumbles* If you wear it one more time the photos will think you have one hoodie.

Sero: What would you say if I said yes?

Ashido: I’d say we’ve got our next date planned and you can guess what it is.

Sero: ...I mean, I wouldn’t say no to any time with you anyway?

Ashido: Pfft, stop being cute. Just-alright, whatever. Tomorrow? At whatever time we wake up I guess?

Sero: It’s a date.

A/N: completely forgot that they live in the same building so pretend it’s holidays or something 🤷 buuuut i hope you enjoyed this was harder than expected so im rlly sorry if they seem ooc 😳!! Thanks for reading!!

[loftyexecutor]

jejune

pairing; addelsain [MPIMHE] wc; 3268 rating; t/nsfw [theres one dick touch at the beginning] category; emotional hurt/comfort notes; i havent posted anything in ages and im sorry jfdsgkjd this is self indulgent af but have dox feeling unloved✌✌

Dox turns over, letting out a small noise as he emerges back in the waking world. The blanket is warm where it is bunched by his feet, but Immortal’s chest is warmer where he nuzzles his head into the redhead’s sleeping shirt. He can tell the other is awake by the tiny snort he hears above.

“Good morning,” he mutters, voice raspy from sleep. He scoots a bit up to plant a kiss Immortal’s lips, unheeding of morning breath.

“Mm, morning,” is Immortal’s sluggish reply as he burrows his cheek into the pillow.

The side behind Dox is cold, meaning Herrsh is already up and about, but he’s more interested in his other, currently present partner at the moment. Especially when he can feel a certain body part poking his thigh.

Dox’s lips quirk up into a grin and he slips a hand between them, scooting down Immortal’s body, down his taut stomach and into the waistband of his shorts to curl around his half-hard cock. His hand is barely big enough to wrap around the girth and it somehow manages to send a spark through him.

“Someone’s eager early,” he laughs not unkindly, but Immortal’s hand wraps around his wrist and pulls his hand out of his shorts. Dox quirks his head in confusion; after all, Infi — Immortal — has never been one to decline such an offer before, especially one this bold.

“Gotta go shower,” Immortal grumbles, moving away to get up and head to the bathroom without even a look back.

Dox is left alone on the suddenly too-big-for-him bed, looking at the closed bathroom door with a mixture of confusion and hurt swirling deep in his belly.

Had he done something wrong? Overstepped some invisible boundary he hadn’t known was there? Is Immortal angry at him?

He finds no answer to any of the questions running through his mind, so he does his best to push them away and make sure he’s more careful next time.

The next manages to — somehow? he’s not sure here — go even worse. He returns from Echo’s place with a lollipop she’d given him (they’d gotten that close over the years) stuck between his lips, humming a tune. His spirits were high, and then he found his lovers making out in the kitchen.

Not that that was a bad thing, of course not, but when they’d taken notice of him standing there, watching them with rapt attention, Immortal had pulled away and, red faced as he was, chuckled and said, “I guess that’s enough, haha.”

Dox had watched him retreat into the bedroom; neither his nor Herrscher’s arousal had been very discreet. Dox didn’t dare ask this time, just biting through his lollipop and chewing at the shards as he left Herrscher to go after Immortal.

He can’t even count the days they haven’t had sex. Well, he can, but he’s not going to hurt himself that way.

What he can count, though, is the number of days he hadn’t been kissed. Well, again, not quite correct, but he can very easily count the number of days he hadn’t been kissed on the lips. The others just… stopped doing it.

If he’s lucky, Immortal would kiss his cheek, or Herrscher would lean down and kiss his forehead, but that’s all he’d get. Even asking for a kiss would yield the very same results, so he doesn’t bother anymore.

He fills the void in his chest with chocolate, with helping Echo, with shopping for parts he doesn’t need, with missions he’s not needed on, with trying to find the thing he’d done wrong. He can’t find it, and it only drives it further home.

He wants to be held, wants the cold seeping into his bones to go away, but some masochistic part of him forces him to stay in bed, curled up and shivering. He wouldn’t be given what he wants anyway.

Dox stands in the doorway, holding on to the frame for a second as he watches his lovers lean on each other, completely engrossed in their conversation. He itches to cross the few meters separating them and sprawl across the sofa with them, but he forces that itch down.

It's not his place anymore, he knows. So he retreats upstairs, too silent in the already silent building.

The bed — his bed, the small one in his room, not their shared one — becomes a sanctuary to him. The blanket is warm around him and the pillow doesn't ask why he stays there so much, why he curls up and twists the blanket between his feet. His old room is as messy as his life feels, with unfinished blueprints strewn about the table, El shards piling up between them and rolled in the corners where they'd fallen and he didn't bother picking them up.

His suit sits on a mannequin propped in its own corner, as if taunting him. He'd tried to prevent this, he really had.

But no matter how differently he'd talked or if he'd even withdrawn from affection himself, Herrsh and Immo had always ended up slowly disliking him. He supposes it was bound to happen eventually; they'd lose interest in him sooner or later. No one could stand him if they learned all he'd done.

He'd thought he had come to terms with it.

Unfortunately, he hadn't, as it would seem.

The door opens with a creak he'd gotten used to at this old place and he panics for some reason, squeezing his eyes closed and stilling his body in hopes of appearing asleep. Maybe they'd finally come to the conclusion that they didn't like him anymore?

Who is it? Dox strains his ears and concludes it's Immortal from the way his steps come up to the bed, loud and bold, yet he's trying not to make noise and 'wake' him up.

The gesture makes Dox's heart beat faster.

There's a few moments where Immortal just stands over him in silence and Dox hopes to Ishmael and any other gods that his fake sleeping is convincing enough to fool the other. It seems it is, because Immortal sighs and twists on his heel, leaving the room just as quickly as he'd entered.

Dox's shoulders slump, body he didn't even know had been strung like a bow relaxing, almost melting into the covers.

If he can get a few hours more to pretend they still love him before they take it away from him, he'll take it. Faking sleep had never been all that hard anyway. But now that Immortal had left without a single word or action, Dox feels like he'd been robbed of all the energy he'd had.

He wishes he could have either of their arms around himself now — because wishing for both would be way too much when he can't have either. He wishes he could feel lips against his own, robbing him of breath and making him feel light headed. He wishes for ever curious fingers making him feel like he's interesting, like he's worth it.

Bile forces its way up his throat and he desperately swallows it down around the lump lodged there. The corners of his eyes sting no matter how hard he forces them shut, even when there's colors dancing across the darkness.

He feels pathetic for crying over something so obvious, something he'd expected, but the tears are there nonetheless, rolling down his cheeks and staining the pillow with both normal and dark drops.

Ugly sobs tear from his lips, and through them, he doesn't even hear the door opening again. He's startled by a hand placed on his shoulder, shaking him softly.

Through blurry eyes he can see Immortal kneeling next to the bed, but not much else. His voice is soft and quiet, as if he's placating a scared animal. Honestly, is Dox anything else? "Dox, what's wrong? C'mon, talk to me, what happened?"

Dox's heart pangs at the thought that Immortal feels like he has to calm him. He raises a hand up to his face, furiously wiping the tears away, though the results are dubious.

"I'm fine," he says, pushing himself upright.

"That is such bullshit," Immortal scoffs, reaching out to brush a thumb over Dox's cheek, "Half your face is black!"

Dox chuckles, pushing Immortal's hand away with one of his. "Sorry."

"What're you apologizing for?! For El's sake, Dox, what happened?"

Dox flinches away as Immortal raises his voice, almost unconsciously. Immortal's expression drops at that and he grits his teeth, angry at himself for letting himself go like that. Dox doesn't like shouting, he really, really doesn't.

Dox contemplates going back and saying something else, something that wouldn't make Immortal angry, but then he thinks back to the failed attempts of not reaching this conclusion and decides against it. He would just mess up in a different way, probably.

"You don't have to pretend to care about me anymore," he says, looking down at the bunched blanket between them, hanging halfway off the bed. It's suddenly so interesting, the way the thin purple lines bunch and move over and under the folds. "I already figured out that you were just waiting for the right time to tell me."

Immortal stares at him in silence for long minutes, fiery gaze burning right through Dox. Then, he stands up, and Dox thinks this is it, he's gonna turn around and leave. But he doesn't.

"How did you get to that conclusion?" Immortal asks, his voice steady even though inside he feels nothing but steady. He wants to cry and scream and hold Dox close until he stops thinking such stupid things.

"You don't like touching me anymore. I guess you thought you were sneaky, but it was pretty obvious you didn't want to have sex with me anymore." Dox laughs, eyes looking through the sheets, somewhere far away. It's easier to talk about when he's making fun of it. "And then you stopped kissing me, and I just wasn't… Well, you've made it kinda obvious once I looked at the whole picture! I was actually surprised when you touched my cheek just now, haha!"

Tears prick the corners of his eyes but he refuses to let them fall this time. At least not before Immortal leaves.

"Dox…" Immortal breathes out, as if beyond words. And he is; does his lover think they don't... love him anymore? "Dox, listen to me, I love you— we love you! We never stopped, and we never will!"

Immortal's knees hit the mattress on either side of Dox and he leans down to wrap long arms around Dox's small form. The time traveler simply slumps in the hold, tears rolling down his cheeks once more, despite how hard he'd tried to stop them. He laughs shakily. "What are you doing?"

"Dox, I'm sorry," Immortal mutters into his ear, close enough to do that, "I didn't think you'd... think something like that. I love you, I truly do."

Dox sniffs, a gross sound that should've deterred anyone, but Herrscher enters the room instead, taking in their tangled state. "Why don't you like being with me anymore then?"

"That's not it, Dox! It's just that you l—"

"Herrsh? Could I get a kiss?" Dox asks, cutting him off with a another sniffle. Herrscher looks at Immortal first, slowly puzzling it out in his mind, and then he leans down and presses his lips to Dox's forehead for a split moment.

Herrscher only ever does what Immortal does. Dox fights more tears, though his voice is wavering.

"See? That— that wasn't a romantic kiss… That was a 'will you leave me alone if I do this?' kiss," he mumbles.

Herrscher looks at Immortal, brows furrowing. "It was?"

"No!" Immortal huffs, placing both hands on to Dox's shoulders. "Listen to me for a sec?"

Dox's face looks ten shades of pain at that moment, eyes watery with the unshed tears, and Immortal feels like punching a wall right then. Maybe later.

"We," he says, slowly, to make his point even clearer, "love. you. Shit, Dox, I didn't think you were… Let me explain, it's not that we don't wanna touch you and kiss you, it's just— it's weird!"

"Weird?"

"You're a kid! I'm not gonna fuck a kid! I'm not gonna shove my tongue into a kid's mouth!" Immortal huffs, making a disgusted face, even holding out his tongue.

"I'm not a kid," Dox says, "I'm like five years older than you."

Immortal immediately looks offended, "You're not!" he cries, "You're like three and a half older at most. But still, you look like a kid and it just… feels weird, y'know."

"So you don't love me as much when I look like this?" Dox asks, trying to puzzle this whole thing out. He feels dumb, like he'd just been presented with a machine and told to reassemble it and he has no idea how.

"No! Where do you keep coming up with these dumb ideas! I swear, it's like you're not a genius at all," Immortal grumbles, rolling his eyes.

Herrscher has made himself comfortable on the bed by then, wrapping his arms around Dox from behind and pulling the boy against his chest.

Immortal continues, bouncing on his knees just the tiniest bit. "It's not more or less love, it's just kind of different love? Like, what I just said. I don't... wanna fuck you in this form, but it does make me wanna carry you around and hug you more, y'know?"

"Nuh-uh," Dox shakes his head, brows furrowed.

"See, like that! That just makes me wanna squeeze you. You're very squeezable in this form, by the way."

This finally gets a chuckle out of the time traveler. "Thanks."

Immortal's smile falls into a serious expression again. He brushes the curly strands from Dox's face, thumb rubbing soft, small lines into his cheek. "Dox. We love you. Really, we do. And by Ishmael if you need us to show you then we will, won't we, Herrsh?"

Herrscher makes a non-committal, but vaguely affirmative hum, throat vibrating against Dox's shoulder.

"So I can get a kiss if I switch forms?" Dox asks, swallowing. A ball of… — what, shame? self hate? insecurity? — had lodged itself deep in his stomach, weighing him down and making his gut twist painfully. It almost feels like he wants to puke. It's honestly surprising that his voice doesn't break more than it does. "A— a proper one?"

Immortal looks wrecked as the words leave Dox's dry lips, eyes shouting a vehement 'goddess, sorry!' He looks guilty. "As many as you want, Dox, I swear, I…"

Pink light floods the room and Immortal is a little glad for the timing, unsure where his ramble had been heading. Dox's tiny frame faded with the light, a bigger one left in its place, lithe limbs tucked uncomfortably between them and long strands of hair falling limbly in his face as he hangs his head. For whatever reason Immortal can't figure out, Dox is trying to make himself appear smaller, shoulders tensed and back bent.

He's shivering between them, just like a leaf.

Immortal's heart breaks at the sight; what did Dox think would happen now? That they would tell him they didn't want him in his true form either? What a joke.

Except he knows that's right, and the knowledge makes him want to cry. They'd really screwed up. Or, more accurately, he had. Because Herrscher used him as a guide, wasn't sure about feelings or human emotions or anything, so anything he did was right in the celestial's book. Sometimes that knowledge was off-putting.

He raised a shaky hand to Dox's cheek again, hooking a finger under his chin to gently tilt his head up. Dox's face is a mess and he refuses to look Immortal in the eyes.

Immortal rubs under his eye with a thumb, over the very prominent dark circles he wishes weren't there. "Can I kiss you?" he asks, watching Dox's eyebrows do a dance under his bangs, unsure what position to land in.

All he manages is a small nod.

Immortal leans in, only hesitating a split second mere hair breadths away from Dox, and presses his lips to Dox's in a soft, tender kiss. He can almost taste the whimper that leaves Dox's throat, dying somewhere on his tongue. The kiss itself tastes of salt, dried tears clinging to Dox's lips; Immortal wishes they hadn't been there in the first place.

Dox's arms come up to grip at his shirt, fingers trembling and knuckles turning white from the force with which he fists the fabric. He clutches at Immortal like he's a last lifeline before the doom of an endless sea.

Herrscher holds him close in turn, peppering kisses along the scar peeking from beneath his long hair. He can feel the way Dox's heart pounds like a hummingbird trying to escape a cage.

The scene feels a bit more than a little bizarre, but none of them mind at the moment. Dox sniffles and rests his head against Immortal's collarbone. He doesn't say anything, doesn't trust his voice not to betray him.

"Hey," Herrscher breaks the silence, squeezing Dox's torso the tiniest amount. "We love you, you know."

"I'm sorry," Dox mutters into Immortal's shirt. He trembles between them.

"Why're you sorry? It's okay, c'mon."

There's a beat of silence and then Dox shoves his face into his hands, Immortal's shirt and all. "Sorry. I'm sorry."

Herrscher opens his mouth, brows drawn together in confusion, but Immortal shakes his head. "You're forgiven," he says softly, running a hand through Dox's hair, carding it through the silky locks. He doesn't know what Dox is apologizing for, but obviously it means a lot to him. "It's okay now, I promise."

Herrscher gently guides Dox's chin to the side so he can also kiss him. "Love you," he says, pressing his cheek to Dox’s.

Dox reaches to Immortal, tugging on his shirt a little as if to bring him closer, but it’s nowhere near strong enough to do that. It’s the first such thing he’d done all day. He looks at Immortal like a kicked puppy, cheeks red and puffy from all the crying. “Hold me?” he asks — begs — and something within Immortal breaks. “Please…?” Dox whispers, looking ready to cry again when Immortal doesn’t move for a second too long.

He makes up for it by flinging himself forward, encasing Dox in his arms, smushing Herrscher’s between himself and Dox. The time traveler hiccups a sob between them, but they just hold him closer, a messy and wet sandwich of misery and love.

Immortal’s mind races as Dox slowly calms down, slumped in their hold and ready to pass out at any second. He wants to make it up to him; Dox deserves at least that much. He hadn’t even realized his behavior would make him feel like this, the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind with how much he adores his lover, but that doesn’t mean it hadn’t.

He can already tell Dox is not going to want to change from this form for a while at least. Usually, even unconsciously, he’d shift into the smaller form when going to bed, but right now he’s exactly as solidly big and lanky as ever. Immortal feels sick when the realization dawns on him that they might’ve tainted the form Dox had used to feel better in with bad emotions.

He’ll make it up to him. He’s not sure how, but damned be Elrios if he doesn’t.

[seventeen-scenarios-blog]

[DRABBLE REQUEST] Boyfriend!Dino (G)

Prompt: It’s your first date, and you decide to take up a ballroom dancing class Requested by: @bambamsblackwife Word count: 2,564 Genre: gross, sappy fluff Warnings: None

A/N: Finally, a drabble request done after posting three fics in a row. Sorry it took so long, work has been crazy hectic :( But no worries, we’re working harder than ever to churn out our stories at optimum quality!

Anyway, this drabble is inspired from Steven Universe, specifically the episode Alone Together where Steven and Connie dance together for the first time. If you didn’t watch the show, I highly recommend it! Also, to better suit the atmosphere, I’ve included a link to a song on YouTube somewhere in the text, so do play it while you’re reading if you’re able to!

Hope you enjoy this short Chan drabble!

wooed<3

(please excuse me while i scream into this pillow right here *breathes* leEJUNGCHANWAHTTHEFUCK *breathes* okay okay im good let’s do this)

“Are you sure about this?”

You give the man next to you a little wrinkle of your nose as you push open the glass door, the air conditioning of the building rushing out to greet you. “Chan, I told this to you a million times: I really want to try this out.”

“I’ve known you since we’ve weaned off diapers. I know that you’ve always been afraid to stand onstage. Why this sudden decision?” Chan questions, his hand gently folding over yours atop the handle as he helps you open the door, bringing you into a brightly lit dance studio. Already, hip-hop music from the ongoing class is blasting through the walls.

“That’s the point,” you sigh. “I’ve known you since we were children, but I never made an effort to get to understand your passion for dance. I mean, I know you love it, and I always enjoy watching you dance, but I want to be able to join you just once, you know what I mean?”

He lets out a tiny chuckle. “I understand, and I appreciate that.” He runs his fingers across your hair, smoothing the strands as he leads you to a seat next to the reception counter. “Though I’m just as new to ballroom dancing as you are.”

“Are you not okay with that?” you suddenly fuss, realising that ballroom dancing would require a certain amount of intimacy with your partner. “If you aren’t, we can always schedule for another genre. I heard they do waacking on Saturdays and b-boying on Sundays, and--”

“Baby,” Chan interrupts you with a humoured huff, a reassuring arm on your lap. “I’m fine, you know I’ll love anything you choose, anyway.” You turn away, fighting the blush threatening to flush your cheeks. His pet names are still new to you and never fail to make butterflies erupt in your belly.

Though you and Chan have been friends for as long as you can remember, you’ve only recently got together as a couple after Chan confesses to you after his dance recital. The affectionate feelings you’ve developed for your best friend from childhood still feels fresh and at times foreign to you.

Gnawing on your lips, you relax against his body, playing with the frayed drawstring of his favourite hoodie as you both waited for your ballroom dance to commence. Eventually, the doors to the practice room opens, letting out a stream of sweaty dancers tired after a hard round of practice.

You barely had the time to gape at the sheer amount of perspiration dripping from their chins before a loud, sing-songy voice cuts through your thoughts. “Okay, up next is the beginners ballroom dance class. Come along, my students~!”

You look up to see an extravagantly dressed woman in her mid-forties emerging from her seat behind the counter, your jaw falling once you laid eyes on her shiny, sequinned black dress and pointed court shoes.

Before you both can join the class, seven other couples stand up, shedding off their jackets to reveal proper ballroom outfits underneath (some couples even with matching sets), and they proceed into the practice room in a flurry of blue, pink and gold. You let your eyes drift back to you and Chan, and you almost wince at the stark contrast.

While your boyfriend is decked out in his favourite plain black hoodie and ripped jeans, you are dressed in a simple white crop top and tights. Hell, you both are even wearing sneakers. Despite this just being the introductory lesson of a beginner’s ballroom class, everyone else just seems to be more prepared than you are.

“They look like professionals,” you eke to yourself, squirming in your seat, suddenly intimidated. Sensing your discomfort, Chan casts you a look of concern. “Are you okay with this? We can call it quits if you want to.”

You swallow your nervousness back inside your stomach. “I’ll be fine, Chan. In fact, this is kind of the reason I picked ballroom dancing above the other styles. I don’t want to be alone when I dance for the first time. I… want to be with you.”

You can tell that your words have caught him by surprise from the way he chews on the insides of his cheeks. You find yourself grinning at your observation.

“Alright,” he finally relents with a smile. “As long as you’re comfortable with it, I’m willing to try anything. Don’t want to ruin our first date now, do we?”

Hand in hand, you enter the practice room. “Alright, let’s start with the most basic stretching techniques,” the instructor declares with an emotional intonation. “You may be only be ducklings now, but when I’m done with you, you will all blossom into beautiful, graceful swans.”

Bewildered by the woman’s flamboyant gestures, you both exchange stunned glances, Chan fighting back a snort as he did so. Spreading out into your respective pairs, the class begins warming up.

“We will start with the classic waltz first,” she announces. “Then, as you get better, we will start progressing to foxtrot, samba, tango… Oh I can’t wait to show you all what I’ve prepared for you. This will be absolutely splendid!” 

You’d expect a beginners’ first class to have at least some kind of orientation or introduction to allow you to integrate into the dance more smoothly, but the instructor wastes no time in throwing you out of your comfort zone.

You watch dumbstruck as she presents one advanced move after another. It doesn’t help that the rest of the class seem to manage just fine, pulling everything off seamlessly and with ease. You’re as good as owning two left feet, stumbling clumsily around your boyfriend. Of course, Chan is a natural at ballroom dancing. It doesn’t make you feel any better that you probably look like a bumbling klutz next to him.

“No, no, no,” the haughty instructor sighs when you attempted -- and failed -- to do what is known as a outside spin. “You are supposed to be light on your feet, like you’re dancing on air. You look like you’re clumping through thick mud in cleats!”

Several soft bouts of giggles arise through the room, and you feel your cheeks heat up in pure chagrin. You feel Chan staring at you in concern, but you can’t bring yourself to meet his eyes.

“This won’t do,” the instructor clicks her tongue, shaking her head. “You may need a proper live demonstration. Come along, sonny.”

Chan openly gawks at the older woman’s outstretched hand. “S-Sorry, what now?”

“Come along,” she repeats, forcibly pulling the male away from you and towards the middle of the dance floor. “She has to see how it’s properly done.” Helplessly, your boyfriend sends you an apologetic look while the instructor winds his left arm around her waist.

“I’m sorry,” he mouths at you. You can only blink at him, pressing your lips together in a thin line as the instructor starts the music. Of course, they flawlessly perform the move, finishing off amidst polite applause and several amazed murmurs from the other dancers. Chan immediately untangles himself and shuffles his way back to you, his ears in a burning shade of red while the older woman presents an overly exaggerated bow.

“Do you understand how it’s done now, girlie?” You wince once the instructor turns her attention back to you.

“Y-Yeah, I’m good…” you stammer. You manage to relax once she progresses with the class, and you let yourself breathe to clear the nerves.

Thankfully, the class dismisses for a break, and you sprint to grab your water bottle and took massive gulps as though your life depends on it. Done, you are left alone to stew in your emotions. Chan was right earlier: you have never been the type to do things in front of a crowd. You feel uncomfortable dancing, you don’t enjoy speaking to an audience, and you never liked having multiple eyes watching your every move.

In an effort to understand your new boyfriend, you’ve temporarily forgotten about your insecurities, but now, under the scrutiny of Chan, the overbearing instructor and the rest of the class, you feel them come back stronger than ever. Pulling your legs close to your chest, you rest your chin atop of your knees and pout.

You are jerked out of your thoughts when you feel a warm hand sliding into yours. You turn around to see Chan gently looking down at you. Leaning down, he whispers softly into your ear, “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

“Huh?” you blink, your eyes lingering on the way your fingers intertwine. “Right now?”

He shoots you a discreet wink, throwing his line of sight towards your instructor, who is engrossed in an animated conversation with the other students. “She wouldn’t notice. Let’s go.” Without waiting for your response, Chan pulls you out of the dance studio as quietly as he can, carefully shutting down the glass door.

The receptionist greets you both with a confused expression when you emerge back into the main room. Chan mumbles an excuse about getting dizzy in the stuffiness of the practice room before sitting you down at the sofas again.

“Are you okay?” he asks you immediately, concern evident in his onyx irises. His palm traces from your arm to your lap, gently massaging your sore muscles and letting your tense body soothe under his touch. You pretend not to know what he is talking about, turning away to avoid his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

He nudges you to get your attention back. “I may only be your boyfriend for a month, but I know you better than anyone else being your best friend for basically all of your life. It’s okay, just tell me what’s wrong, will you?”

At the sight of his affectionate expression, your shoulders sag and the words gradually spill out of your mouth. “I… really wanted to do this for you, Chan. I’m sorry you had to deal with me being like this. It wasn’t fair for you.”

But his knuckles latch onto your chin, and he tilts your head up. “Hey, that’s no reason to apologize. I’m really happy and honoured, but you really didn’t have to do this for me. I’m happy with us being together just the way we are.”

“But I want to do this, Chan,” you protest. “I want to be able to know what it feels like, what you feel like whenever you dance. Whenever I dance, I get so nervous about the thought of everyone staring at me. Instead, you just look so happy, I want to be a part of that.”

Sheepishly, you proceed to fiddle with your thumbs while Chan deciphers your words. From the corner of your vision, you see him soften and smile. Within seconds, you’re pulled into his warm embrace, leaving you comfortably nestled on the soft cotton of his hoodie.

“You know…” he sighs pensively, his fingers playing with yours. “There’s more than one way we can do this. Would you care to try it with me?”

As the students of the ballroom dancing class stream out of the practice room and out of the studio amidst cheery chatter, you and Chan sneak out from behind the counter, giggling to yourselves like a pair of wayward teenagers.

“Thanks for lending the room to us,” Chan whispers to the receptionist, who shoots the both of you a rather confused but amused thumbs up. You shuffle your way across the hardwood floor of the practice room. You watch as he plugs his phone into the speakers and a few moments of fiddling here and there… You jump when a mellow, dance beat reverberates around the clean acoustics of the room.

Turning around, he gives you a small bow with an extended arm. Looking up at you from the top of his eyes, the corner of his lips tug upwards. “Come dance with me.” You gape at his outstretched palm, hesitant to take it initially.

But this male in front of you is one that you trust with your life. You know that Chan wouldn’t do anything to put you in the spot. Your mind made, you slip your hand into his. At your touch, his lips part to reveal two delighted rows of pearly whites. Guiding your free arm across his broad, muscled shoulder, he leads you into the middle of the dance floor.

Now that it’s empty, you can’t help but observe how every sound, every movement of yours fill the whole room.  Helpless, you shift your attention onto your boyfriend. He catches your gaze, taking in your shaking pupils, and tightens his hold on you as he takes one step backwards, prompting you to take one forward. You suck in a shaky breath as you start to move to a slow rhythm.

“There’s no one watching you here,” he whispers when you start to look nervous. “Remember: you’re not dancing for anyone, you’re not doing it for me, you’re doing it for yourself, your own enjoyment. Never let yourself feel otherwise, and never let anyone take that happiness away from you. That’s how it was for me.”

You drink in his words, an almost silly huff of relief erupting from your chest when you finally understand him. It is rather challenging, but you coaxed yourself to relax in his hold. Before you know it, your feet starts to move in time with his. You don’t care about your surroundings anymore, your eyes are blissfully closed and you feel his forehead resting on yours and your breaths intermingling while you slowly waltz to the music.

“There you go, you got this.” You hear the pleased chuckle in his voice, and that alone sends shivers of delight down your spine. You’re doing it, you’re actually dancing with your boyfriend!

You burst into a hearty fit of laughter and you find yourself enjoying every moment thoroughly. Carefully, Chan spins you around and catches you in his sturdy arms. As the song trickles into silence, you both are left basking in each other’s presence with your noses barely touching and you’re panting in perfect synchronization.

The close contact is enough to make your entire body rise in temperature at alarming rates, and you swear that Chan can hear the heavy pounding of your heart against your ribs. It doesn’t help that the sight before you is absolutely breathtaking. With his hair slightly slicked back in perspiration, his irises blown wide, jet black and filled with adoration, his pinkish lips slightly parted to draw and expel his breaths…

You feel the air in your lungs abruptly dissipate as your boyfriend leans closer, eventually planting an ever-so-soft kiss between your eyes.

“Thank for doing this with me,” you blurt out, hoping to distract him from your overly red cheeks. But his hand, calloused but still soft to the touch, cups the side of your head. “No,” he responds. “I’m supposed to be thanking you. No one’s ever tried to understand my passion for dance before, not even my parents. It means a lot to me, you know?”

You snag your lower lip between your lips shyly. “So… Did I give you a good first try?”

Chan laughs, tucking your head under his after another feathery kiss on your temple. “Yeah, I gotta admit, this has been a pretty damn amazing first date.”