#but im experiencing feels and cant keep it to myself. so ]

[domokunrainbowkinz]

shipping yhk not in a romantic or platonic way but a secret third way (⬛️⬛️)

[unwaveringblade]

i've finally made it to leon's side of destiny dc and i'm really digging all these extra cutscenes we're getting from his pov...i think it's rly clever how they squeezed in all these extra little interactions with hugo, marian, and chal through moments where he had been apart from the main party. BUT ALSO i just hit that one scene from cherik and it kind of tore my heart out lmao so. i need to ramble.

okay so even before cherik, i think the extra fleshing out of the castle scene was really great. from stahn's side all we ever saw was leon saying he's going to report the situation to the king and request a ship, and then...he soon came back with a ship! his report to the king naturally couldn't have been a pleasant conversation, but it was over and done with so quickly that i didn't think much of it.

and then leon's side showed him trying SO hard to plead his case before the king, his frustration at being dismissed and treated like a child, his momentary happiness and triumph when the king finally agreed...only for it to immediately come crashing as hugo comes in and smugly takes all the credit? god my HEART.

so then we sail off from darilsheid with leon under a shit ton of pressure, beating himself up from what happened in straylize and so so SO determined to succeed. it's under these conditions that they arrive at cherik. and they talk to baruk, who points out that it's "rare for leon to get along with people his age" while stahn happily says it's bc theyre friends, which naturally would've made leon feel put on the spot and defensive. and this was apparent when playing stahn's side, but even then, the way leon verbally lashed out afterwards and said he was "disgusted" seemed especially harsh.

still, it's leon, so i'd always just chalked it up to him being judgemental and disliking stahn's attitude + simply not respecting him during this part of their journey. all of which is true to some extent but then leon's side hits me with this additional scene:

and ofc i'd known that leon struggled to deal with people who wanted to use him for his status, but i had no idea that he suspected STAHN of all people to be doing that as well. but in hindsight, ofc he would think that...all this time, stahn was trying so hard to befriend leon, only for all these genuine gestures to be misinterpreted in the worst way possible. i need to go lie down now.

that said, i love the way this recontextualizes leon's bitterness and extreme resistance to friendship early on. stahn's efforts at friendship wasn't just grating to leon bc he thought it was a waste of time. leon's been burned by people lying and using him before. he thought stahn was doing the same, and it was only when stahn took the hit for him in the temple that he realized that wasn't the case...at which point he did warm up to him! that really was the turning point.

i'm experiencing so many feelings right now and i cant wait to see the confrontation at calviola's temple from leon's perspective soon. he'd ran off by himself for a little while there, so i'm sure there'll be a new scene, and i'm really digging the way they're using his side to explore his character further - tbh i expected it to be a 95% identical retread of act 1, but it is so much more than that! why did i wait this long to actually play tod dc...i love it...

[canislupusangelus]

"Just go over and ask to join a group, it's as simple as that!" Actually no it isn't I've been crying about it for like 2 hours.

[adambomb82]

It's that time again

[billsbabydoll]

“𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓊𝓃𝒻𝒾𝓍𝒶𝒷𝓁ℯ, 𝒸𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝒷𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀 𝓉𝒽𝓇ℴ𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝓁𝒹.”

contains:HARSH ANGST+SMUT<3

summary:finally getting sick of bills toxicity and instability, i packed up all of my belongings and planned to “leave him” or as i stupidly told myself, only to find myself easily falling back into his same hypnotizing trap.

WARNINGS:abusive relationship, fighting, arguing, manipulation (I DO NOT CONDONE ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS in this story, this story is ONLY for entertainment purposes!!!), very narcissistic and misogynistic bill, hard-dom!bill, dumb-sub!reader, p in v (against the wall), degrading, pet-names, LIGHT choking, heavy breeding kink.

notes:as someone who has experienced theses types of situations firsthand, if you ever do find yourself in these kinds of circumstances please take the initial steps to get yourself out that relationship immediately, youll be fine i promise love ya!

HEAVY THEMES AHEAD!

“yeah go fucking cry about it you sensitive bitch, get the fuck outta’ my face!”bill loudly shouted at me from the living room as i ran and locked myself into our shared bedroom, tears streaming profusely down my cheeks, as i tumbled onto the bed and proceeded to curl myself up into a small pathetic ball.

im tired of living like this, being so isolated, feeling so trapped, being so mentally and physically drained, having to constantly walk around eggshells around him.

me and bills relationship was a perfect fairytale in the beginning, but quickly came burning down in flames and burnt down to pure ashes at his rage.his anger completely undoing every single precious thing he ever once said to me.

every “i love you.” or “i cant wait to start a life with you.” was once a simple loving string of words now being dangled high above my head as a reminder of his broken promises.

i still cling onto that small glimmer of hope that he could change some-day, that he could love me again, or that he could simply hold me without hurting me.

i lay in my own pity for a long grueling hour before i decide to slowly unravel myself from my position, gently getting up from the bed, wiping the tears from my eyes telling myself,

“i need to leave,

right now.”

i kick into full panic mode and immediately start changing into a dark colored tracksuit and a comfortable pair of sneakers, then i rummage through our closet grabbing random handfuls of my belongings stuffing my suitcase to the brim.

i quietly creak the bedroom door open and make my way through the dark hallway, my luggage in one hand as i try to rush towards the front door.

“going somewhere babe?”he eerily questioned, his evil presence immediately sending cold chills down my spine.

“i-i-uhm..”i mumbled trying to find some kind of explanation but it was if something was struck in my throat, i looked like a child who just got caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

“im leaving!”i managed to spit out, slowly turning to face him.

“oh your leaving?”he responded in a cartoonish voice mocking my own, chuckling manically at my response.

he crosses his arms over his chest as he cockily looks me up and down, he then quickly steps forward grabbing me by my chin with his right hand, yanking a fistful of my hair with his left.

“cant you see THIS is the life i promised you honey?you know no-ones ever gonna buy you all those pretty dresses you like wearing f’me, provide for you like i do, or keep a GODDAMN roof over your head like i do!”

what he was saying was true, without him i wouldnt have a single penny to my name.he took care of every expense, he even had me on a monthly allowance but he didnt do anything of it out of the goodness of his heart he rather used it to his advantage knowing hed always win.

“i know i know but, i-im tired of you being like this bill, im sick of it!i swear ill give it all back if thats what you really want!”i nervously murmured, his grip on my chin and hair tightening.

“your such an ungrateful brat, you dont even deserve to be breathing the same air as me, i shouldve just throw you out months ago like the trashy bitch you are.”

he yelled into my face before slamming me against the wall letting go of some of his grip on me as he pulled down his pants and boxers along with my sweatpants and panties.

“you wanna be treated like a worthless whore ill fucking treat you like one then.“

he wrapped one of his arms strongly around my neck keeping me in place, as he teased his cock in between my slicks folds, causing me to softly whimper.

“aww…look at you poor baby, you just wanted some attention huh, want me to fuck you isnt that right?”he purred squeezing my neck firmly in his arm, sliding his length harshly inside my walls.

though i hated to admit it, it truly turned me on how possessive and upset he got when i tried leaving it showed me he still sort-of cared.the fact he still had enough respect to still fuck me was enough to have me eating right out of his palm, anytime he showed me the slightest bit of affection it casted his spell over me all over again.

he continued thrusting his full length inside my cunt, beginning to aggressively pound away, my head banging against the cold wall.

“ugh-i shouldnt even be mmhtouching you right now ungrateful bitch!”he shouted, his free hand slapping my ass sure enough to leave hand prints the next morning.

“f-fuck fuck, im ughh-yours baby!”i moaned out, tears beginning to spill from my eyes, his tip kissing my cervix perfectly.

“das ist r-richtig, mhm!du gehst verdammt noch mal nirgendwo hin(thats right, your not going fucking anywhere),

gonna fill you all up, hopefully y-you get pregnant that way your ugh-stuck with me!”

the sound of our moans combined with the banging on the wall echoed throughout the house, the faint tv not even being enough to cover up his disgusting insults and my foul cries.

“b-bill ugh please i c-cant!”

“take my f-fucking cock mhmy little cum slut!”

his hips are bucking into mine at an animalistic pace as he urgently chases his release, my walls deliciously clenching around his girth, sending him immediately over the edge.

“scheibe scheibe scheibe(shit shit shit!)”he yelled out suddenly fucking his cock deeper inside my sweet walls, ropes of his seed oozing deep inside my pussy.

“ich w-werde ganz in dir abspritzen du mmh-dumme s-schlampe, ich werde dich mit meinem verdammten baby schwängern (im gonna cum all inside you, stupid slut, im gonna get you pregnant with my baby!)”he adds breeding his cum inside me with a few final thrusts, pulling his length out of me with a loud pop.

bill then releases me from his arm allowing me to slam down onto the floor, pulling his pants up smugly as he knelt down to my level.

“next time im beating the fuck outta’ this was me playing nice, understood? now go make me some dinner before you piss me off again.”

i nod my head instantly at his demands, rubbing the side of my cheek that hit the ground.

“such a good little girl, i love you.” he praised grinning widely down at me before getting back up and walking away from me.

“i love you too.”

and the cycle continues.

THE END

[etherealkissed88]

Firstly, I love your blog! Second, I feel so bad because I think I'm so ugly (I only like a few things about myself) and not fitting in the standards, so I compare myself very much. What's your advice? It's so hard to feel ugly, like I can't compete..

thank you! - okay you feel ugly. i want you to understand that this feeling is neutral. i want you to know that you are fulfilling yourself with this idea of you not fitting in w the standards.

1. imagine a scene that implies you are beautiful (ppl complimenting you, you staring at urself in the mirror, you telling yourself you cant believe how perfect you look). do whatever technique you want. you can loop the scene/visualization until it feels real to you, it doesnt have to be hd clear quality, i visualize blurry and i still manifest. keep doing this until you feel satisfied in imagination, this is experiencing it so dont imagine it to get something in the 3d (it will reflect in the 3d either way), imagine it to feel good bc why wouldnt you want to be fulfilled in knowing your beautiful?). you can also just simply decide your beautiful regardless of the 3d.

2. once you feel satisfied, know that that is now a fact or you can think about it as a memory. imagination is the real reality right? so what you just imagined (experienced) is a fact. assume it to be true and whenever you think of it, know it done.

3. if you get negative thoughts, insecurities, see circumstances, it is all neutral which means it has no original meaning, it is you who always adds meaning. realize you can choose what everything means or you can choose that it still has no meaning. continue to go back into imagination and know its real.

🎀i used to have the same insecurity, what i did to overcome this is simply assuming that no matter what i feel, i still am exactly how i want to look like. when i would feel insecure, i would go straight into imagination and feel like my ideal self. if i was my ideal self, would i care about a feeling or thought that tells me otherwise? no. bc i know im the operant power and i always choose who to be in imagination. who you are being in imagination always expresses in the 3d so thats exactly what happened: i actually started to naturally feel beautiful and look beautiful in the 3d just like how i did in imagination. this is proof that the 3d never matters and is always neutral.

[eepywriters]

I LOVED YOUR MESSAGES WITH QUACKITY ❤️❤️❤️

please do getting into an agrument with quackity headcanons please 🙏🏻🙏🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻😙😙🫣‼️💕💕🩷🩷

.✦°. • getting into an argument hcs (*´Д｀*)

warnings: a bit of angst and maybe a bit ooc? I tried 😞🤚🏻

a/n: HIII!! THANK U SO MUCH! It means a lot :D and sorry if it took so long ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ finals kicked my ass so I couldn’t write for a while BUT IM HERE SO LET’S GET INTO IT

EARLY INTO THE RELATIONSHIP

(thinking of a young, little experienced Alex)

Oh it’s jover

This could actually be something that could cause a breakup cuz let me tell you THIS MAN just can’t stand confrontation

If it’s something that bugged you, he’d probably understand your point of view but would also be very overwhelmed at the thought of losing you cause he hasn’t been good enough for you, resulting in him hyper focusing on his spiraling thoughts rather than listening to what you are saying

I feel like he’d also be the type to act like nothing happened right after an argument; he’d ignore the tense situation and make jokes to light up the mood and forget about it. He’s not dense, he knows it hurts you to see him seemingly ignore your feelings like that, but he’s not used to being listened so he ends up making his partner go trough his predicament as well

BUT it’s even worse if it’s something that bugged HIM; he probably wouldn’t tell you about it, much preferring to suck it up and don’t cause problems, even though he IS creating more problems

the underlying tension caused by his silence would bring the relationship to a breaking point:

1 you break up and the regret eats him up (probably also wouldn’t reach out again because of shame and a tiny bit of ego)

2 you talk about it cause it can’t go on like this

When I talk about bugging tho, I’m thinking about things that don’t surge an immediate reaction from him, because if he’s mad, he’s mad.

He’s the venomous type, forget his silence and self pity, he’ll probably laugh in your face in irritation and say whatever the fuck he thinks

He’ll retreat to his office as soon as he sees the hurt in your face, understanding he went to far and going back to he’s usual silence, ending up giving you the silence treatment. (he also feels incredibly ashamed) (he’ll just stay in his office all day, editing mindlessly since his mind is anywhere but in the work he’s doing)

He’ll either leave you alone in bed that day, making you sulk and feel as lonely as ever, or will sleep with you but it’ll be the coldest shit ever (like the typical movie scene where two people sleep super afar from each other)

Don’t misunderstand tho, he does feel guilty, he just struggles with communicating his feelings properly (*´ー｀*)

“(Name) I’m not a child, stop acting like you are my fucking mom” he spat, a look of indignation spreading on his features, shaping his otherwise gentle appearance into a strong, furious one.

“Cant you understand that I’m worried about you?” you strike back, jaw impossibly tightened “I understand that you’re very dedicated to your job, but you can’t get yourself to this state.” You sigh, not able to keep up the mad act: “You look very tired Alex”.

You take a tentative step towards him, determined to show him you weren’t scolding him, nor were you mad at him. You were trying to establish contact with him, not start a fight, after all your irritation came from worry, not anger. But he didn’t receive that well. His brows scrunching even further while his mouth twitches downwards.

“Stop acting like I’m some fucking rabid animal. I can take care of myself just fine, I don’t need a fucking babysitter”.

Seems that wasn’t the right move.

The way he was saying your name was probably what hurt the most. You find yourself missing the gentle tone he usually reserved to it when spoken.

“What are you even saying?” you breathe out, your voice being so fragile you almost don’t recognize it as your own. “Do you hear what you are saying? You are being impossible Alex”.

At this point his foot is stomping nervously on the floor. He’s getting annoyed by the minute and he can’t wait to forget about this tense situation. Arguments always put him on edge, but instead of working on the root cause of his discomfort, he always had preferred to just get himself out of the mess as soon as possible. (He hadn’t yet grasped how much that could hurt others). And that’s why, out of everything he could’ve gone, he replied with the one of the most uncalled for things he could ever come up with.

“Maybe instead of worrying about me, you should take a good look at yourself first”.

And you know what he was trying to entail.

You were never insecure of your dark circles, or at least, it wasn’t something that bugged you on the daily ever since you had found a common ground with Alex, knowing he struggled with very prominent circles cause of his lack of sleep. But for someone like him, who always had a hard time with his appearance, to clap back at you by going for your looks? Foul. Unexpected. Not like him at all.

You were sure he could tell from the look of disbelief on your face that he had fucked up.

Alex’s breathing keeps up, his chest constricts, and the anger and the pride that he has wearing like a tailored suit are stripped out of him at the sight of your frown. His mind goes haywire trying to come up with any response.

Maybe if you would’ve known him better by then, you would’ve known how terrified he was of your judgment. Even though his fame often had him deal with horrible comments filled with free hate, if judgement came from you, it scarred 100 times more than anything could ever do.

“Just leave it be, I’m fine” it’s all he mutters before booking it and hiding himself in his office, leaving you to stand there, in the middle of your living room.

Tears prickle your eyes, threatening to fall at any moment and your lip begs you for mercy as you bite into it.

God, why was communicating so difficult in this house?

LONG INTO THE RELATIONSHIP

It took time, it took healing, it took sitting down and TALKING to finally find your balance

He’s still pretty much venomous when it comes to immediate triggers, but after you are both done fighting and cursing each other out, you talk about it and come out of it somewhat unscathed

Anger isn’t easy to control or refrain after all, but you both try your best, and you are able to make up most of the times without falling into old dynamics of silent treatment or isolation

If something bugs him, he most likely will tell you; he is hesitant about it, but after many nights spent in your arms, he starts to let go on some of his biggest worries (anxiety still gnaws at his core every time he opens his mouth though, that doesn’t get old at all)

If something bugs you, he doesn’t shy away from confrontation anymore; he’s not perfect at it either, he still feels the urge to run away and laugh about it all, but he’s gotten way better at it

He’s still very scared of you having a negative opinion about him, but now you know him well enough to spend some extra time to reassure him that you won’t stop loving him for a petty fight, and that arguments in relationship are important to grow not only as a couple, but as people too

“(Name)” he calls out, and you instantly recognize the hint of anxiety that he’s trying to hide from you.

“Yes honey?” you reply, taking your eyes off your phone to stare into his pretty, brown ones. They screamed stress, fear, yet also determination. He did so much progress compared to the beginnings of your relationship. You were proud of him.

Alex took a deep breath before saying: “Uhm, It’s about the photo of us you posted earlier”. You could practically smell the tension in the air. His body is stiff, his chest is heaving, but your gaze is captured by his fingers and by how his nails are digging into them continuously, tearing his already red skin.

You take his hands in yours, preventing him from doing further damage to his poor, abused fingers. You knew he does it as a way to ground himself, but he really needed to find a new coping method - one that didn’t feature him torturing his body if possible.

He stares at his hands in yours for a while. You don’t say anything, allowing him to take his time.

“Okay fuck it” Alex whispers under his breath, so quietly you almost miss it.

“It makes me feel insecure, I don’t like it” he admits, keeping his focus on your hands as he munches his bottom lip nervously. You, in response, draw slow circles on his hands, offering him a gentle smile.

“Can you delete it..?” he sounds unsure, like he’s testing the waters instead of actually making a request. Either way you welcome it.

You put one of your fingers under his chin, gently applying pressure for him to lift his head, just enough to look at you. “Of course I can. Thank you for telling me Alex, I know it’s hard”. His once tense body relaxes.

He avoids your tender gaze, seemingly preferring to stare at the floor, yet you see the soft blush that was quickly taking over his cheeks. You also can’t help but notice that he already had found his charming smile back.

“Stop looking at me like that” he mumbles as his smile spreads. Uh oh, that can only mean trouble.

“Like what” your eyes narrow, not trusting his new found confidence.

“Like this”.

His imitation is pitiful: furrowed eyebrows, small frown and large puppy dog eyes. The more you look at him, the more he reminds you of that one emo guy that kind of looks like him (he definitely does). He looks ridiculous. How did you even fall in love with this dude?

You slap his arm, scoffing out a laugh as you look at him incredulous: “I don’t look like that!”.

“I think you do” he says with a smug tone, one that makes you want to hit him with a pillow till he goes back to sleep. And maybe you just will.

“Oh it’s on you motherf-“

The room was filled with laughter instead of unconfortable, loud silence.

(first post of 2024 yippiee)

[nyancrimew]

fucked up sorta intoxicated long vent

cw: uuh mental health, drugs, suicide mentions, very much is just an existential crisis put into post form

this is not a suicide note or anything, im about to go cuddle up with my wife and go to sleep i just had to get my fucked up thoughts out, i might delete this tomorrow

meaning

it's so hard to find meaning in life anymore. i live for those around me, for those i love, those who love me back. yet i keep hurting them, everything keeps falling apart. i live out of spite, i cant let authority win. yet im slowly giving up my cause. i live to prove a point. ive long forgotten what point it even is anymore.

there hasnt really been any new compelling reason to keep going in over 10 years now. i honestly wonder how much it even really takes anymore to drive me to suicide. it can't be that much, im already always living on edge.

i just barely know who i even am anymore, ive largely forgotten the first 20 years of my life, and the last 3 are mostly just fog as well. forced to live in the moment, carrying all the baggage of all the previous moments i dont even have memories of anymore.

how are people just like able to keep living, regularly finding joy. how are people able to deal with bad times without immediately pondering all the ways in which they could kill themselves in?

god i need therapy so fucking bad. i keep dragging down everyone around me. how can i fix all the damage ive done, a sorry won't do. how can i fix all the damage done to me, no sorry will ever do.

why are the only options to just keep going, ignoring all the pain, or ending it all forever. where is the restart button, where can i reset, rewind, apply what ive learned to the situations where i fucked up. how do i go back and undo all the trauma. the trauma i experienced myself and the trauma i put on others.

we're all just lost children in a world not made for us. where is our world. where is the place in which we can find solace. your arms make me feel safe, and at home. but i know you feel the same way i do.

it pains me to know we're in this together, god if only i could bear your pain, if only i could bear everyone elses pain. it hurts me to know you feel this way too. no one should have to know how this feels. i wanna take on all the pain in this world so i can leave and turn the world around.

am i just failing at being a part of this society or is society failing me. i am like one bureaucratic fuck up away from dying alone on the street with no roof over my head. i cannot be self dependent, why does this society fully expect such a thing of me.

is this all worth it for the few moments of bliss, for sparing the people around me from the pain of losing me. would the pain of losing me be greater than the pain i cause every day?

i am lost. i dont know anymore. fuck i need therapy. or just anything that can fix me. the drugs certainly haven't yet, but at least i also have dependency to fight with now i guess.

yea fuck man idk

[neuroticboyfriend]

do you have any advice for dealing with delusions? im...struggling

also hearing you call me lonely was really appreciated today, thanks :3

i can only share what works for me, which may not work for you. but i work with my delusions, not against them. sane people may find that unhealthy but for me, if i dont decrease my distress, the delusion gets worse. and the more i try to deny the delusion (or paranoia), the more my brain makes me believe it.

basically, it helps me to know everyone's experience of reality is different. and thats ok. even two nonpsychotic people will understand the same event in different ways. i accept what i'm dealing with and find ways to make life tolerable with that.

tw for unreality for the rest of this ask bc i'll share examples of my thought process/actions. dont read if you're susceptible to taking on others' delusions/parnaoia.

if im scared someone's staring at me thru my window, i'll muster the courage to look and then if no one's there, i'll draw my curtains. if i think someone might break into my house, i go and lock all the doors, and i keep an eye on my cat since he'd know if someone were coming.

when it comes to the simulation delusion (i never fully recovered from).. i'll just be like well.. nothing about what im experiencing right now is changing. so, i'm just going to keep living my life and religiously avoid triggers/thinking about it.

whereas if i try to reason myself out of it, my brain will come up with reasons why i cant just go on with my life. or it will lead me to seek out things that trigger it more. which ends dangerously for me.

i've pretty much just learned to take my thoughts at face value, do what i need to feel safe, and not poke the bear. it took time to learn that, but it's been 5 years since I've had anything more than an hour or two of spiraling a bit, every few months. ive had schizoaffective disorder since i was 9. so yea.

[olderthannetfic]

Have been having such a time lately trying to commit to this fic im writing because it's. Incredibly cathartic and is the start of me finally starting to explore the concepts im ashamed of being fascinated by.

Mpreg jokes have become so ubiquitous that it feels like people just roll their eyes or look at me like im a weirdo for trying to take the idea seriously? not just as a physical reality for the m getting pregged in question, but also as an Emotional reality for the character. Pregnancy and pregnant characters are still treated So fucking weirdly in General, and. i understand people having a trigger related to it, thats not what im talking about ofc, but at the same time its like. Its Pregnancy. Its how Life happens. And men irl Can and DO get pregnant. Even men that dont "look like" they would enjoy it. It's always "dont pigeon hole effeminate men as bottoms/omegas/subs!!" Until someone comes out and actually wants to see and read about The Most Stereotypical Guy to ever Dude experiencing 1.) what it means to be a vessel for life, and 2.) How that changes the way people will treat him.

Bc! as soon as i bring it up, no matter how tactfully and Chaste i try to be about it, the atmosphere in the conversation always Shifts, and there's this feeling that everyone just wants me to shut up and stop being a pervert because the mere premise makes them uncomfortable. Like im sorry thinking about men in fiction undergoing women's lived reality gives me a way to articulated an understanding of what it means to be capable of having a child (all the good, bad, and ugly parts of it) that is still not otherwise allowed in Polite Discussion irl, even in the closest of relationships??

Ill keep writing it for sure but like. The shame is rearing its head and im trying to fight it my getting Mad at the pervasive (and probably just perceived) puritanical judgements dished out my the rest of the world, instead.

Why is the idea of pregnancy never taken seriously. Why is it always shoved in a corner to be ignored till it Happens and its Forced into relevance. And then why is it treated as pointless or worse just straight up Bad if it isn't "done right"/arousingly/humorously while being relevant, either on the character's part Or the author's?

It's getting better more and more with time but im just. Wracking my brain about it today. I cant stop thinking about it, its all i want to talk about, but even In my nicest and most opem circles i can feel people pulling away, and all i can think is its because im doing it to the Wrong character (major macho man villian with a Lot of daddydom themed xreaders...) or something. and its so hard not to let myself get discouraged 👽

--

A lot of my fandom circles act like that, and it's because all pregnancy is somewhere between a massive squick and massively boring to them.

I find pregnancy more interesting now that I've experienced it, but I was definitely like "Why would anyone ever talk to me about this?" before, and it wasn't about picking the wrong character.

Some things are just unpopular with some audiences. Try not to get too discouraged.

[x--sinner--x]

gonna get real af for a hot second but i promise this will get to a fantasy i just needa give backstory. I have this fantasy involving taking advantage of parts of my anatomy that im not particularly happy with, and i think it makes me feel less insecure about it in general.

I really struggle to cum, dont know what it is but clitoral stimulation is rather nothing at all or too much. with hands i cant get anywhere, but with toys I get do overwhelmed and overstimulated that i stop before it can go anywhere. it feels good but just too much. my hands move away on instinct and i physically buck away. i cant force myself past that. Im fairly experienced and have tried many different things but nothing works. if i calm down and repeat that with a toy on the clit a few times, i can eventually cum from penetration. its long and annoying and im yet to find a sex partner willing to use toys but hey ho its fine.

BUT since i have a cnc kink.... i fantasize alot about someone tying me up and forcing me to go past that point where i cant keep going myself. just shove something in my mouth and help me with this experiment, forcing my first clit orgasm out of me. I dont know what would happen or how it'd affect me but im hoping it knocks me a bit braindead.

I want to open up about this to someone, a close friend perhaps in a moment of vulnerability, and for them to be so curious they hatch a plan. Tying me up, gagging me in my sleep and going in with a vibrator, ignoring my thrashing and continuing until I pass the point i get stuck on. Pinning down my hips, spreading my legs and treating me like a little lab rat. Bonus points if they force me to thank them after. (Or if they shove my head into the bed and fuck me from behind after bc i cum so easily from penetration after my clit has been overstimulated. so i imagine it'd be worse after this)

thank you for listening to my overly personal and specific fantasy, mwah mwah all.

First of all, I'm glad that you wanted to share this with it, and I apologise for taking so long to respond to this. I find it really commendable and respect you a lot for finding the courage to share this with me and my audience.

I know how frustrating it is to edge yourself for hours and yet feel like you are unable to cum. But there is no need to be insecure about it. Yes I understand it makes you feel certain ways, but if you can calm yourself down I'm sure you will be able to derive some much needed release out of your body. Just remember to take deep breaths and there is nothing to be ashamed of, no need to be overwhelmed. Just think it's just you and your body, and this reaction is natural. Slowly increase how much stimulation your body can take and it will take some trial and error but you can find the sweet spot and when you do, your orgasm is gonna feel so much more personal and passionate and it's gonna last a long time.

And don't worry. I'll be that good friend you share this to, and I'll make sure you feel that orgasm no matter what, and I'll do it all for free and I won't hold anything back. But you do have to surrender yourself completely to me and let me work my magic. I would blindfold you, take away the senses that takes you away from the experience, pin you down and have my way.

With your senses detached, your body will feel more personal with the new stimulations that are introduced. Your body will naturally oblige, with your wet pussy walls clinging to the length of my cock, pulling it even deeper within. Your imagination will run wild, as you feel the entire world fade out and all you can focus on is that something is prying your insides open and is reaching deeper and deeper. You will be in a state of maximum euphoria, detached from reality and attached completely to the length of my cock.

The more forceful I am, the more livid you get. The more livid you get, the more personal you feel your body getting worked up. You will sweat, your heart starts beating faster, your nipples become erect, you would feel short of breath, your body becomes hot and without you even realising it, the orgasm hits you deep, like a white light guiding you to an unexplored path, and when you come to, you will see you have messed up the sheets with your own squirt, and that some white liquid is oozing out of your pussy.

[pixiecaps]

hi. im sorry if this is a weird question but. what makes you keep watching smps?? just, what motivates you if everytime things and characters and plotlines captivate you and they almost never end in a satisfactory way. it might be because im a newbie in myct but every server i learned about seems to just last very little or burn in a horible death. what makes you want to go again and again to new servers.

okay to start off here there’s two layers and one is more of a personal thing and another basically advice.

first i dont talk about this much but my brain just latches onto things and one of my longest lasting interests is on minecraft. probably since the game was released. i think ive probably watched more minecraft content than tv shows & movies in my entire life. because my brain just works that way

now second. i need to this to be clarified everyone has a different reason for sticking along and i think this is a wonderful question that so many mcyt bloggers would have different answers to that would provide a lot of cool insight and perspective. dont think the question is weird at all.

BUT for me i think it was around smplive which was 2019 that was rough that was really the first and only time that i wanted to stop watching minecraft completely. for a lot for a reasons rlly. and yet i didnt!!! and thats because i realized that i didnt want to let something i cherished and enjoyed be tarnished by the bad. its so important to allow yourself grace whenever something bad happens with mcyt content or creators themselves because you arent the one to blame for something turning sour. too much good and incredible content and communities come from these unfortunately ended smps and whatnot to just to be seen as that one thing. i think sometimes, out of spite even, i feel like I NEED TO NOT LET THESE THINGS BE OVERSHADOWED BY THE BAD. because so many smps are fucking wonderful experiences with amazing creators who dedicate so much time to them and who are so funny and talented and for them to not be recognized for that at all is a shame. i loved every smp ive watched and i dont regret watching any of them. theyve all given me so much joy and laughter and its important to remember that. so ig another part of it all is allowing yourself to appreciate the good and not let the bad stop you from experiencing all the future content thats made from mcyt that will be incredible. because there will be more smps and there will so many mcyt creators and the ball isnt gonna stop rolling. sometimes it just boils down to something as simple as not letting the bad experiences stop you from seeing the good the community has to offer. as well as for me outside of the content itself with smps the fanbases have singlehandedly taken a part of my heart. theres just so many wonderful people in these communities who have put out so much positivity that i cant possibly find myself regretting it or not going back in whenever the next smp drops.

much love anon hope that makes a little bit of sense

[sleep-token-confessions]

I'm going to be honest, I struggle to understand what the fandoms hatred for booktok is. I'm not too familiar with booktok so maybe i need more context. But from my perspective the hate seems to be "women are having horny thoughts that make ME personally uncomfortable" rather than anything actually harmful. Sleep token intentionally leave their music up for interpretation, incorporate sexual/romantic themes into their music on purpose, and do fanservice-y things on stage. So as long as no ones actually sexually harassing the band members at concerts, are keeping thirst posting in appropriate spaces, and arent being awful about whatever life experiences Vessel may have used as inspiration for the lyrics, then i really dont see why its bad? I think theres a lot of unchecked misogyny in the fandom, as well as an unwillingness to agree to disagree on personal interpretations due to the personal attachment people have to the lyrics. Its bizarre to me especially since sleep token intentionally uses a mix of genuine adoration for the subject of the songs and also acknowledgement that whatever relationship they have is toxic and that those things can coexist in a toxic relationship. Why cant we say that the music is both romantic/sexy AND also that if your real life relationships resemble some songs then that is concerning? And why cant we also say that its okay to have horny thoughts/express your horny thoughts as long as you arent screaming them at concerts or saying awful things about whatever real life trauma Vessel may have experienced? It honestly drives me up the wall, and some comments about what Vessel may have experienced in life feel less like reasonable concern and more like infantilization of a grown adult who may or may not be mentally ill/traumatized but is still nonetheless a grown adult who chose to incorporate romantic/sexual elements in his art (i dont say that in a victim blaming way, im not okay with people screaming sexual comments at concerts, just that its okay to respond to these elements in the music/stage presence in appropriate non-sexually-harassing ways). I hope ive explained myself well, i just get very frustrated with the fandom and i have my own personal relationship with the music that leaves me baffled at how people think im a "bad fan" just because they cant personally relate to my perspective and i also am not fully sure what people mean by "booktok sleep token fans"

.

[anthroposeen]

tmagp 13 relisten notes!!

there are spoilers for episode 13 below the cut!

celia:

- admits to sam that she asked alice for advice and general information about him. this implies she has a pretty friendly relationship with alice (evidenced by alice buying her a mocha) and seems relatively unthreatened by her past with sam so far.

- "no one, im mysterious" -> evidence for her not being from this dimension, if no one can give a lot of information about her

- reveals jack is her baby! (not followed by a glitch)

- says the past couple years "since the move" (between dimensions?) were weird for her

- believes the incidents they work with are real, and im certain shes in the same boat as the audience rn, trying to categorize them with background knowledge that isnt accurate anymore

sam:

- easy to make blush, doesnt know how cute he is, is an overachiever, obsessive, a but repressed, nosy, kind of a recluse, and very easy to wind up

- gifted kid syndrome poster child; he seems to view being turned away by the magnus institute as the beginning of his rejection streak (not admitted to oxford, didnt get first, got fired from his legal firm). i think this will be a major point in his motivations and a fear of rejection and need for validation is going to drive him to receive the greatness he wants (and believes he has earned). i can already see a corruption arc brewing for him, poor thing

- did NOT tell celia about his experiences in the institute or what his "incident" was (referring to lena's interview where she asked him what the worst thing he's seen/experienced was). this isnt super sketchy considering its a first date, but is interesting since he was the one who wanted "all the baggage" out early

- he doesn't want to accept that the incidents are real, but i think he does believe in them. he brought the topic up to celia and has asked alice about it before too, so he may be aware that the incidents are real, but is unwilling to fully conceptualize what that means for himself and his world view

- says that alice doesnt love the idea of him seeing celia, which means he may have picked up on her feelings for him

gwen:

- feels guilty over instigating the mr.bonzo incident -> whats really interesting is that she doesnt threaten to quit or not be involved, she accepts that she gas another email to look through and another external to interact with, but it seems to upset her

- she asks lena why this (externals and mr bonzo murder) is happening, implying that she can stomach the work if its for a reason

lena:

- gives gwen the ABCs of genre-awareness:

- this dimension also has "opposing forces- most of them meaning to be harmful.

- these "forces" need to be "balanced" and controlled in order to maintain order in the world/system -> still working off of a smirke-esque theory that retaining balance will keep the world secure. i dont know if she means balance between forces of good and evil or forces in the supernatural sense

- says the OIAR is managing the bad guys, as in monitoring their actions and directing externals to "balance" things

alice:

- actually offended that sam doesnt want to share information with her and isnt having a good time knowing sam and celia are seeing each other

- tells sam "he cant prove anything" about the cases being real, but doesnt tell him hes wrong

- i would fling myself from a sky scraper for you, miss dyer, but please never say bussin or fire again

- "stop trying to make an impact" -> the more she tells sam to cut the x-files shit out, the more she stops protesting his suspicions. her scolding has gone from "nothing is going on, chill out" to "sure, theres a conspiracy, but we are paid to ignore it"

-

alice/sam's past:

- dated at uni, previously stated they were together for several years. it seems to have been a decent split since they stayed in contact afterward.

- sam was there for her when her parents died, but lost contact after

- she contacted him w the OIAR job details after he made an exceptionally pathetic vague post

incident:

- centered around gambling and self harm to achieve success- this draws ties to episode 2 (self harm) and episode 9 (luck). i expect this is more aligned with ep 9, as the self harm seems to be in the interest of changing his odds/luck, and the incident is primarily about gaining external success, not physical change. though, ep 2 could be a personal experience with ink5oul that is not representative with their "force"

- the narrator of this statement was quick to actively sacrifice his own well being to achieve better luck, which is a pretty stark contrast to other people who looked to harm other people in their own interest (violin guy and dice guy, i forgot their names sorry!!)

- zorro trader may be a reoccurring organization in relation to gambling

- the narrators options for his debt were to either pay it back or have a personal adjustment, once he completes the voicemail he is transferred to the adjustments apartment, which was not an option on the original call log and something he did not request

- he is promptly adjusted :)

- i think this could be related to the theme of keeping balance, since the incident narrator claims it isnt wrong to play with the loophole, and it ends with him getting what he owes, which is a nice connection to lena's explanation of the OIAR's purpose

glitches/lies:

- "im happy you're happy", alice (she is not happy that sam is with celia!!)

extra comments:

- i really didnt expect an explanation of the OIAR and its position in this so early, and im surprised lena was the one to reveal it. this exposes that shes pretty open with the staff she feels are on a need-to-know basis, and it also changes my expectations for how we'll come across a big reveal in this series, since information is being given in a more open way

- i think alice and celia definitely know something but in opposing ways- acting as foils to each other with sam (information seeker) in the middle. celia knows about how the fears work in the tma dimension, and alice knows why and what the OIAR are really doing- together, they solve the puzzle that sam is trying to piece together.

[wachtelspinat]

Hi, I saw your background with studying medicine and being an artist and I wanted to ask something!! hope it isn't uncomfy. so the school system by itself is killing my creativity and Im afraid I'll completely lose myself if I get into college... Even if I choose to study something art related. College is really absorbing and I don't want to graduate and have killed the only talent I have, thats scary!!! So, how did you "go" back? did drawing help with the stress of college or make it worse? Sometimes my studies define me so so much I cant do anything else, its so frustrating :(

hey there ! i really don't know if i can bring sth to the plate that's positive or uplifting in the matter because i've been in a struggle with art myself for almost 2 years now. i'm really trying to come back but the pace has changed drastically. it's still a constant mood crusher everytime i look back and see how my output has declined. nevertheless i'm drawing again in the smallest babysteps so hopefully i'm gonna pick up the pace again at some point.

as for school and art. yeah. i kind of opened with my current situation because altho (med) school was A Meatgrinder technically speaking i still found time to draw here and there. which was mostly thanks to my higher energy lvl back then and my BIG motivation to draw and to share. so i'd say drawing absolutely helped with the stresses of studying and med school. it was my happy place and escapism. and because of that there was hardly any doubt in my head that i'll ever lose that. so i think it is safe to say that as long as you want to draw you will always be drawing.

second thought here which is also important is that you won't be stuck in an eternal grind, even if it feels like it sometimes. there will be times in which everything sucks. and there will be times in which everything could be worse. and if you wanna draw then, you're going to draw. that's at least how i experienced it. even the longer periods of not drawing because of exhaustion/loss of motivation/exam periods etc eventually pass. and sometimes it's ok to remind yourself that drawing is not everything, altho we like to think that way sometimes. it's absolutely ok not to draw for a while.

another breaking point for me was when i actually started to study for art (anatomy as in for drawing etc) because it helped me at a point at which i felt stuck and it made me understand that i will never be done learning in regards of drawing. which is a good reminder whenever you feel like you are losing your "talent", which is not a talent but a work in progess for years and years to come. so in the end, even if you have to step back from drawing for the time being, you have the ability to always come back to it and get better again. like we have to treat making art like learning a language, there is never an end to it and we have to practice to be back in shape. i know this sounds like work but idk for me it made sth click in my head that i'm not losing sth here. i just have to warm up and get back on the track again.

i hope this helped in some way, i'm really sorry that you feel like you are about to experience a great loss (i absolutely get you, it sucks to deal with this, esp. when outer circumstances force you to push your hobbies in the background) but i think that if you really want to engage with drawing again, you won't lose this. you may have to put work into it, and it may not be today or tomorrow, but if you really want to do it, you keep at it.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hello pmd9, I am interested in hearing your thoughts about monitoring ones media intake, screen time etc .. I've been doing a digital ""fast"" lately that has increased my clarity. I'm coming to realize seeking a more healthy relationship with tech without withering away seems like it will be enduring & lifelong... seems to me there is a need for a digital diet these days and was wondering if you have struck a balance or if this presses you aswell

hello :) my thoughts are that ... its crucial !! to be a little distant

For me it's like. hard to be online as i used to. part of that is surely jst getting /old/ and no longer feeling 'fomo' when i,m offline because Well i've already seen/experienced So much from the online world lol. Sadly nothing can compare to the way the inernet felt to me 10+ yrs ago u_u it doesnt hook me in like it used to, its like building a tolerance to a drug or st

but i still try to be online a little bit and maintain balance by scrolling the dash a few times a day so i dont completely lose touch.. keeping it real tho i usually cant make it past 2-3 mins of scrolling before i lose interest cus yeah idk nothing Hooks me anymore ! This makes me feel like a bad online friend sometimes that im not very active in ppls notes i dont see a lot of things ....... but it is what it is! i just like being irl or thinking in my mind more than being online now unless im Posting

Basically my main reason for staying online is to Post because Posting is fun and engaging. And in that sense the internet is still my most effective portal to the outside world. i feel a responsibility to keep posting. But i also feel more than ever its important to be a little distant & offline, for everyone. U can def have a healthy relationship w social media and use it in benevolent or even just neutral ways when u have strong boundaries !

U must use the website, not let the website use U . . .

This Pochita incident has also been a big dosage of reality-check, like, i want to be present irl even more now, because life is precious and fragile and i want to really know the moment. know every moment vividly & intentionally

But yeah the internet is just neutral to me, it's good as a tool, u must be aware of your limits and able to step away when u feel frustrated or overwhelmed. times when i was REally addicited to the internet i was not enjoying myself. i enjoy it now because i figured out a way to use it that feels personally fulfilling. That method will be different for everyone ^_^

Thanks for the question anon, good luck in maintaining your digital boundaries ~~~PMD9