#but im also too scared to allow myself to let go

[coolcoelacanth]

i think i can't move on because there is a part of me that is waiting for him to come back. there is a part me that is too scared to let go, because that would mean losing him forever. i don't want to think that we will never share anymore beautiful moments, or that i will never know what it feels like to lay in his arms again.

[phagodyke]

wheres the "why is it so saaaad" image with the cat with big sopping watering eyes ouauauuugh how I feel is the embodiment of that

[haemosexuality]

theres nothing i hate more than when i mention anything about turning 18 soon or being excited to get older and someone goes like "oh haha life gets so much worse when ur an adult! youre going to hate it! you havent seen anything 🙄 teenagers always think being an adult is magical🙄 yadayada" like. ok ik its not like ppl entered my brain and viewed my entire life before saying that but i have literally been suicidal since im 11 until last year i could NOT imagine myself surviving to adulthood enough let me have a little bit of hope. let me be excited ab the fact i might be alive when im 20 and 30 and 40 pls

[whomturgled]

i have so many feelings and i hate it

[blvckleg]

had the worst ocd day yesterday bc brain kept telling me if i actually let myself have goals or wish for something good then everything i already have will fall apart or be taken away even though i logically understand that isnt possible lmfao! and then i woke up sick this morning cant have SHIT in detroit bro

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for kind of manipulating a friend in hopes she'll stay away from my not-so-really partner?

(emojis to find later: 🌸🌸🌸)

ok so this is kind of insane and im very mentally ill (self-diagnosed; done lots of research and have come to the conclusion of bpd, diagnosable according to the dsm-5) so this won't sound very rational or. normal. but here we go

so i (15FTX) have a classmate (15F?) who i've been in a close friendship with for 1.4 years. let's call her vick for this ask. i fell in love with her about a month into our friendship and it grew into her becoming my favorite person. i think of vick 24/7 and i put a lot of care and love into her, we're even planning to move in together into a dorm for university. i confessed to her about my love in october 2023 and she confessed she'd been having "weird" feelings about me since the first month of our friendshsip as well, but she doesn't know if it's anything romantic or not. we have stayed friends due to religious reasons but she has also said she wouldn't have minded us dating if religion wasn't a factor (we're muslim).

i've been pretty committed and loyal to her ever since i confessed and i consider her more important than anything, but i don't get this back and im fine with that. i can deal with it for the most part. it makes me jealous when she interacts with others so casually, but she obviously has the right to have other friends and care about other people and i absolutely know im not allowed to interfere with that no matter how i feel.

enter our other classmate (14F), who i'll call flower for this ask. she was fine at first and had noticed my jealous stares and made jokes about it, saying she had no intentions of "taking my wife from me" and often jokes about being scared of me. we're on good terms and we chat often at school like normal friends.

but recently, flower has started being extremely touchy-feely with vick, taking vick's hand and putting it on her thigh, leaning towards her, making extremely suggestive jokes... and this is a special treatment to vick, too, flower doesn't do this with anyone else in the world. i love vick much more than she ever could and not even i have such confidence with her. beyond that, vick's pretty uncomfortable with physical touch too, so i never risk making her uncomfortable and do my best to not touch her unless she touches me first despite being a very physically affectionate person myself. and there's flower, being all willy-nilly with vick like it's all fine and i feel kind of betrayed seeing flower be like that when i try so hard to accomodate vick's preferences.

you can guess that flower's intimate treatment for vick, who i love with all my heart, has caused me to hate flower with a burning passion. she's like a physical roadblock in my relationship with vick and im tired of it.

so i had an idea.

this merely started the last day of school before the break, and i can't continue it now because i don't have any oppurtunities to see flower, but what i started doing was i would be very affectionate with flower myself.

i would compliment her, make jokes, initiate conversation, it even came to the point flower joked about falling in love with me. i feel scummy doing this because i will never return whatever affection she'll develop for me, but im genuinely tired of flower and this is the most ethical thing i can think of.

by doing this, im hoping flower will see me as the person to pull all her joking advances on. this way, i won't feel like she's taking vick away from me, and i can be sure vick won't abandon me for flower. i also know i sure as hell won't be abandoning vick for flower, so this way my relationship with vick will basically be secured and flower will just be a nuisance that comes and goes and i'll just have to pretend i like it, which will be much easier than pretending to be fine with flower being affectionate with vick.

now i don't even have to type out all the ways i could be the asshole here but this is the most ethical thing i can think of, like i said. it's a win/win situation. vick pays more attention to me so im happy, flower's advances are redirected to me so flower's happy and im not in danger of losing my relationship with vick. i know vick doesn't care much about flower either so she'll be fine too. so everyone's happy! and flower's never gonna know her close friend from highschool actually hated her guts, so she won't ever be sad either.

but um. you know. the whole manipulating out of envy part of it and all.

just talking with vick about it isn't an option because vick already knows how much i hate it, but i guess she's only ever seen it in a joking environment where i was making light of it so she doesn't really know how much i hate it. i also can't just tell her to stop talking with someone because it makes me sad. i guess im being hypocritical because this also means i shouldn't manipulate someone away from her just because it makes me sad but i actually can't stand it it genuinely makes me suicidal and homicidal in many ways and this is the only thinng in my power that i feel like is okay-est to do

therapy is not an option my dad has a degree in psychology so he'd say "just talk to me instead" and he would think im crazy if i actually said anything about all this to him + he's extremely homophobic

ok that was a lot. um.

aita for manipulating flower away from vick just to have peace of mind?

What are these acronyms?

[mins-fins]

heart attack

&&. there's something hilarious about the beautiful doctor there to help with your terrible habits.

pairing: qian kun x gn!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: mentions of overworking, mentions of passing out & hospitalization

word count: 0.9k

notes: this….. THISSS💔💔💔 this drabble was very inspired by the thai movie heart attack (a movie that has no right being as cute as it is) kun fits the part so well because first.. doctor kun, and second.. kun is so amazing, i love kun, we all fucking love kun 😿 this is a early bday gift for user junjiie bc we all know he loves kun (happy early bday pookie ily) this is insanely self indulgent because i have slept less than three hours in these past five days and have been working myself to shit because.. med school!! yayyyyyyy!! im so excited!! (is not excited)

"so what's the matter with you?"

the usual roughness that would lace the voice of a medical professional is replaced by the softness you would feel of pillows, you glance up, meeting the eyes of the beautiful man before you. you stare, forgetting where you are for a moment, the exhaustion rendering you speechless.

but it's a whisper in your head that reminds you of where you are, and you flinch. "oh— i um.. there's these rashes appearing on my body".

"okay" he mutters, clicking his tongue and pen in unison. "and where exactly?"

"my arms, my neck.." he hums, pulling up your sleeve to check out what you told him. "also there are some on my fingers".

he bites into his inner cheek, much too close for the sake of your heart. he then glances up, examining your face through his glasses. "you haven't been getting any sleep" he snaps his fingers in your direction, letting go of you and turning back to his computer.

you respond with a dry chuckle, too tired to even try to add emotion. "and you know that how?"

"i can see it in your eyes, those dark circles aren't doing you justice" he sucks his teeth as he types out something. "what's your occupation?"

it isn't strange that he's curious, just answer the question.

you shake your head, mind all over the place. "i work in graphic design".

"ohhh" he doesn't exactly seem surprised. "freelance?"

you nod.

his eyebrows join together. "how does an editing job have you so tired?"

you let out a breath, too exhausted to allow a laugh. "it's a twenty four hour thing, if i'm awake at all times i function better".

"you're barely functioning now".

"well you're a doctor, you always tell people the obvious" you sigh, closing your eyes to try and recollect the many hours of sleep you lost. "i'm sure you aren't any better than me.."

"i'd be inclined to disagree".

you open one eye, staring at the pretty doctor who types away on his computer, catching you in his peripheral vision. (eyes you don't notice due to your lethargy making you less disposed to).

"when was the last time you slept?"

your throat goes dry, your senses reduced to the clear fatigue. you could simply lie, how would he even know? there's no way dr. qian is a psychic, that would be freaky, you're sure it would be nightmarish if that were the case.

there's an indecipherable glimmer in his eye, one that would scare you in regular circumstances where you were fully awake. it's as if he knows you're going to lie, your attempt at fib crawls down your throat before it can even escape your lips. "five days ago".

his reaction is serene, much too calm for your situation. "five days ago.. and how many hours did you sleep?"

your brain is foggy, you almost blurt the number 'six', but that's simply your default response when people ask. why would you ever lie to a doctor?..and the cute doctor especially?

you pause at the wave of your thoughts. what do you mean he's cute?

it's simply common sense, y/n. don't you like smart guys?

you would probably attribute it to your terrible sleep deprivation if it weren't true. you can't deny that the man before you is simply so attractive it should be illegal, he's absolutely gorgeous, how can a regular doctor be so beautiful? you might fall over, not from your lack of sleep, but from the eyes of the man who stares with such care.

"like.. three?"

your voice scratches as you recall the last time you 'slept', he hums, clicking his pen as he notes the information down. he turns in his rolling chair, scooting closer to you. "you mind if i see your hands?"

you can't even put up a fight, you're just about to give into your own exhaustion. you put your hands out for him, and dr. qian takes your hands in his own, examining the rashes which litter your fingers. he's close, so close, you can admire each of his facial features with amazing certainty. everything about him is beautiful, his cheeks, his eyes, the curves of his lips, it's all beautiful, it should be a crime for such a man to exist.

"that's an issue.. have you taken medication for sleep before?" you shake your head, and his fingers slip from yours.

"alright.. i'm going to put you on doxylamine" he mumbles, getting back to noting down your state. you begin scratching at the rashes on your fingers, and he snaps: "don't scratch it".

you move your hands apart rather quickly, his tone of voice intimidating you enough that you pause. he's much too convincing.

he points at you. "tonight, and this next month onward, you sleep before nine o'clock every single day".

you uncharacteristically snicker. "do you sleep before nine o'clock every single day?"

he raises an eyebrow, amused by the question. "i'm the doctor, i know best".

"of course".

"you'll end up dead if you keep going at this rate, take your medication, sleep before nine every day, then check back in with me next month".

"if i'm not available, can i reschedule?"

the question is simply meant to be comedic, you're just about to pass out, trying to sneak in a last minute joke before having to leave the office of the cute doctor. he leans his arm against the desk, smiling at you. "don't reschedule, i want to see you".

and you clearly weren't expecting those words, because your cheeks flare up.

see y/n? you do like smart guys.

[chrissturniolosbitch]

Lacrosse

a/n- this contains smut (ofc because i love smutty smuts), thats literally it...

also can yall send in annon shit? like literally annything idc... i just wanna read shit yall have to say😘

summary- matt loses his lacrosse game, and fucks the braincells outta you.. (jk not that serious) (i wish doee)

--------------------------------------------------------

I was sitting in the stands watching my boyfriends lacross game. We were losing againt the worst team, 0-4. "Shit cmon matthew" I said wispering. I knew matt would be mad if he lost considering this is his last game of senior year.

*BUZZ* it was the end of the game we had lost, 2-6. That was a major loss for matt, "i should..." before i could finish my sentence madi did, "go." I got up and ran down to the locker room waiting for matt to come out. I was waiting patiently for about 3 minutes before matt came out, "Hey baby." I said disappointed. He didnt say anything back he just grabbed my hand a pulled me with him.

When we got to the car, matt opened the door for me. I could feel his eyes staring at my body while i climbed into the passenger seat. When matt drove me home he usually went slow for my safty, but today he went fast. Still keeping me safe but i was still a little scared

When we arived home matt opened the passenger door for me, and held my hand as i came out. When i went to the front door to unlock it, suddenly matt came up beside me and turned me so i was pinned against the door, "You better be ready" matt stated angrily but calmly, "for what matt? Are you okay?" I said knowing exactly what he wanted, "Y/n... you know what i want. What i need" He said making me more, and more wetter every second. I giggled softly not allowing matt to see my smile as i unlocked the door and ran upstairs.

Matt entered the room as soon as i did, "hands and knees now" he said demanding you of this action I stripped naked (matt following) and got on all fours, turned away from him, but staring back at him. he suddenly sent a pinging slap to my bare ass before running a finger through my folds. This action caused an almost pornographic moan to leave my mouth that was definitely audible to his brothers just upstairs. as he placed his back to mine. he placed his hand over my mouth. "no more noise from you. don't want anyone hearing you." he whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

He then started kissing light feather like kisses down my spine until my ass which he slapped again. suddenly i felt the tip of his cock playing with my folds. making its way up and down driving me insane. "please matt" i said rubbing my thighs together to get some friction, "please what baby?" Matt said tilting his head knowing exactly what he was doing to me, "please fuck me already" with the tick of approval he slipped his massive cock into my sopping hole causing my legs to almost give out. he wrapped an arm around my stomach lowering his upper body to mine as he menacingly fucked me at a pace seemingly inhumane. as he continued he pulled his arm away from my upper body up to continue and started toying with my clit. I rapidly started feeling the all too well build up towards my release. "i'm almost there baby. don't stop" As soon as those words left my mouth he pulled out of me causing me to let a few tears slid down my face. I was about to ask him why he stopped when suddenly he flipped us over, "Show me how good you can ride me baby" Matt said gripping my boobs, i took his dick to my entrance and slipped myself down still close to my high. My legs were shaking horribly but i still bounced up, and down on his massive dick, "please matt im so close" I said reaching my climax, "go ahead baby cum on my cock" After he said that i started shaking, matt grabbed my hips thrusting me up and down, a few second later matt filled me up with his babies, coating the inside of me white.

As he slowly pulled out of me, I collapsed onto his chest, the mixture that had been created oozing out of me as he licked it up from

my now sensitive pussy, making me whine in response. he then laid next to me, caressing my waist, "you should loss lacross games more often" I said giggling as matt pulled my in for a sweet, and soft kiss, "if it means i can fuck you like that then hell yea." Matt said laughing as we drifted off to sleep cuddling naked together

--------------------------------------------------------

you alr know matt loves doggie style😍

(legs are open matty (im a chris girl yall))

-mell 🪐

[stardustmuncher]

get to know me!!

okay, wow. guess who has not expected their art to get any attention at all, let alone even incoming requests for art. i apologize if i haven't done ur request yet btw, i've been awfully busy!

however, since i am getting traction and my bday is today (yippi to me, even tho my age is now much too serious) i think its appropriate for me to do a bit of an introduction post..

so without further ado, i present t you...

ME!

hello!! my name is aj, aka stardustmuncher we're being all official with name tags and stuff

i'm bi and use any pronouns! like, fr, any pronouns. get creative guys.

i like to think of myself as somewhat of an artist. i wanna study animation one day, so that's pretty cool i guess.

i'm american, not proudly but i'm still surviving.

also, i'm a total band kid. i'm apart of my school's percussion ensemble, which is neat. it's pretty cool, i suppose.

some of my other hobbies include:

attending drama club like the nerd i am

writing for my school paper

listening to music

sleeping a bunch

hanging out with my friends and being idiots

baking

fashion. (i'm a huge fashion nerd..)

i'm an artist, sure. which means i'm in a lot of communities, i guess. my fandoms consist of:

the owl house (proudly a goldric shipper)

gravity falls

five nights at freddy's

mouthwashing

sally face

don't hug me i'm scared

hamilton

heathers the musical

mean girls

class of 09

helluva boss/hazbin hotel

the spiderverse series

nimona

miraculous

tim burton films

the amazing digital circus

i also LOVE my music, like a bunch.

some of my favorite artists are:

tv girl

chappell roan

olivia rodrigo

mitski

the moldy peaches

tyler the creator

lil peep

dazey and the scouts

laufey

adrienne lenker

pinkpanthersss

madilyn mei

now... my favorite songs.

anyone else but you by the moldy peaches

do the act like you've never met me by tv girl

nuts by lil peep

prom queen by beach bunny

kiss her you fool by kids that fly

break it off by pinkpanthersss

before he cheats by carrie underwood

good luck babe by chappell roan

hot to go by chappell roan

not allowed by tv girl

hate yourself by tv girl

now.. just some fun facts abt me!!

for no particular reason, i am cross-eyed. like i js came out this way idk??

i wear the same barbie pants like every other week. i love these pants.

honestly i prefer chocolate over fruity flavors, they're js better

always looking for more music recommendations, hmu if you got smth good

dms are always open if you need to vent :D or if you just want someone to yap ur interests to, either way

also art requests r always open. i will draw it like one day or smth but ive been busy.. maybe this next week ill draw again

big stuffed animal fan, i sleep with the same three everynight

i have a guinea pig named amity, yes after the toh character

i also have a fish named mr blubs

and two dogs and two cats, i love my pets so much

also i love queer stuff, im way too easy to queerbait i fear

always open to friends and mutuals, just ask!! <3

some of my fav youtubers r louis mcclung, chadchad, drama mama/benoftheweek, drama kween and heather grayce

thanks for reading this total yap session, hopes this helps the people of the tumblr site to know who i am!!

much love,

aj (stardustmuncher) !!

[hyuckswoman]

being completely honest i feel like im needing a romeo!hyuck/jaehyun nd juliet reader like ive never really seen any1 do that on here feel free 2 ditch this ask if u dont wanna do it or anything but im maybe litwrally ON MY KNEES

romeo!jaehyun x juliet!reader- imagine

genre: angst? idk the plot of romeo and juliet basically

w.c 1k

« you do not understand jaehyun, this goes far beyond you and I » you said staring into your lover's eyes that shined bright underneath the moonlight 

« I understand my love, but I simply cannot go on any longer pretending that my heart doesn’t dance whenever I find myself near you » your lover jaehyun answers

« I love you, I do but what must we do? we are forced to be sworn enemies, we cannot be foolish and simply try to convince our families that do not care. if they would ever dear find out what we have been doing, what we have been sharing jaehyun, we shall be exiled or even worse » you said in an attempt to reason jaehyun 

« is it foolish of me to believe that our families will see eye to eye once met with the love that we share? You do not know or understand how much it pains me so, how we’re forced to act as if we are sworn enemies when I couldn’t be more in love with you » he says 

« I understand. I understand because I feel the same. Do you think it’s easy for me to hear my family disregard you and speak of your name in such a low way? I have tried, I have tried to make them see reason and I have failed. No matter how much I try to make them care more about my feelings instead of some quarry that dates so far back no one can remember they will not hear me » you start

« I’m scared. I apprehend the day in which my love for you will be revealed for I will bring great dishonor to my family. My heart is torn, I love you in ways I cannot put in words as not one can begin to describe how beautiful you are to me, but I have been taught to be a great daughter, to respect my duties, to honor my family. It pains me to admit that I can’t be the y/n my family wants me to be because my heart beats for you » you say, 

This was one of your rituals, sneaking off into the gardens to meet your forbidden lover away from prying eyes. Jaehyun is the love of your life, the reason your heart beats. Each time you look at him you feel as though no one else exists. You’ve never been scared for one second when he is by your side, he makes you feel the safest. But unfortunately things had to be too good to be true as Jaehyun, the man you devoted your heart to, is from a family yours sworn to be enemies with forever

« dearest, let us run away » your lover says holding your hands « Don’t be foolish, you and I know that because of the families we come from and our forbidden love, there isn’t a future where you and I can be together » you reply to him retracting your hand from his. You so badly wanted to run away with him, to abandon your duties as a daughter to be happy with jaehyun but you also knew that it simply could never happen 

« then let us create a future where we are together. y/n I cannot exist without loving you and if we are to be separated I shall not breathe without your presence. I will deny my name, I will deny my father for us to be lovers, that is how much I love you » your lover says

« I could never ask you to do that » you answer, you truly did not want him to be casted away simply because you were in love

« I can do that, for you » he starts « But it will simply never be enough, even if I deny my name your family will never allow me to pursue you and if you then deny yours we will simply be faced with doom. » he finishes. Before you could respond to him you hear the faint voice of your mother calling your name, you then quickly hurry to reach your chamber before she sees you with jaehyun. 

After making sure you were safe and deciding to meet in the church later on, Jaehyun patiently waited for your presence on the altar. Deciding it best to commit what he pondered about for so long without you here, he drank his drink, took out a paper and his quill and wrote to you. 

« y/n, I held great meaning to my words when I told you I cannot breathe without you. I have decided to end my days. But fear not, as I die finding solace in knowing that you loved me so. I beg of you to go on without me, to find someone who is worth your greatness. My heart swells knowing I loved you dearly until my very last breath. You are the light of my day, the reason I live, my first thought in the morning and my last before bed, you are the woman they write about in books and our love will forever be marked in both of our hearts. Know that I loved you in a consuming way every single second ever since laying eyes upon you. I am sorry I wasn’t able to live whilst knowing that you and I could never be together. 

I love you always.

yours dearest, 

Jaehyun ». 

When you entered the church, grinning in anticipation to meet with your lover, you did not expect to find his sleeping body on the altar. Seeing the paper so carefully written with your name written beautifully on it, you decided to read the letter. 

And it was through your heartbreaking sobs, your tears and your body crumbled over your lover’s one that you decided to drink his drink and meet him wherever he was hoping that it will not be a place where your love is forbidden. 

Because after all, he also was your reason to exist, and a world without him simply does not exist. 

notes: ARGHHHH I finally did it!!! I'm soso sorry to the anon that asked me this AGES ago I was so nervous about writing in this style as I struggle with regular day-to-day english so to try n write in old posh english was toughhhhh, hope it's still okay tho?

also, thank you for sending the ask, this was not proofread so I apologize for the 1000 mistakes there probably are and I'm hoping you enjoyed the imagine despite everything (even if i lowkey hate the way I wrote and want to redo it but I don't want to make you wait any longer)

[moonlit-dreamers]

sorry i kinda went insane after the last eaps vid and i. im obsessed with the new sun OTL

anyway heres some shippy rambles bc i just cant help myself <3 (for context i call the new sun "sunbeam")

eclipse doesnt like sunbeam. at all. hes annoying, loud, erratic, unpredictable but worst of all- clingy. so, *so* horribly clingy. its very obvious that sunbeam is touch starved and he often takes advantage of eclipses near constant tired state and quick acceptance of situations he knows he cant get out of. and when sunbeam latches on, he latches *on*. trying to pry him off is like trying to pull apart metal welded together. the only way hes getting off is if he decides to leave himself.

this often leads to situations where eclipse is trying to do something while sunbeam is wrapped around his arm and following behind or beside him. at first eclipse would fight and try to pry him off but over time hes come to accept that once sunbeam has clinged on he just isnt coming off. any questions that eclipse receives about the situation r swiftly ignored and switched to a different topic.

another thing that sunbeam does (that makes eclipse mildly want to pull his wires out) is visit eclipse every chance he gets. every day, without fail, when the daycare closes he immediately runs to eclipse in the theater lobby. it became a routine even after all the times eclipse tried to push him away.

sunbeam also frequently *insists* that theyre friends despite how much eclipse denies it. eclipse is sunbeams best friend while eclipse just views him as an annoyance. but every time he tries to deny it sunbeam just laughs and says that eclipse is very funny and that its a good joke.

eclipse could do many things to scare sunbeam away but hes just too tired at this point. sunbeam isnt *actually* stopping him from doing anything so... is it really so bad?

and maybe one day sunbeam has a *really* shitty day and all he wants to do is cry and be comforted. so, ofc, he goes to eclipse. i mean- who else can he go to?

but he finds eclipse and somehow manages to make him concerned bc sunbeam was so *quiet*. something was wrong and sunbeam wouldnt say anything and *god damnit* he doesnt know how to deal with this shit! so eventually he just asks wut sunbeam needs and he just latches onto eclipses arm and starts tugging him to follow. eclipse just allows himself to be dragged (bc wtf else is he supposed to do?? sunbeam wouldnt let go anyway).

eventually they make it up to the room in the tower and sunbeam just points at the couch. eclipse is, obviously, very confused. tho he assumes sunbeam wants him to sit so he does. and almost instantly sunbeam is curled up on his lap like a cat and clinging onto him like eclipse might disappear if he doesnt hold tight enough.

and now eclipse is completely stuck and internally yelling at himself for not only letting this happen but also for somewut enjoying it

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

see i think Druella and Cygnus were like. Not awful to each other but like. In a trauma bonded from child marriage way. Not in a “we’re actually in love way.” And also Druella has the hots for Walburga and Abraxas & Cygnus has had affairs with too many women too count. but they are like allies and they move to France as soon as Narcissa gets married off

what is your Druella-Cygnus dynamic

dude i LOVE YOU i litr wanted to talk abt them sb also youre so right. druella is so down bad for walburga and walburga's like "im so glad i finally have someone to talk to, you're like a sister to me <33" and druella's sitting in a silk slip wine glass in hand like haha yeah definitely (im going to kill myself) !! (druella eats walburga out platonically though). also abraxas and alphard definitelyyy fucked

so like druella and cygnus right. childhood friends since they were born within the month of each other and were always told how they'd be married and have kids,, only they ended up having a kid veryyy early. when they were THIRTEEN. they were very banter-y, prince and princess, power couple, i-hate-you-but-like-i-actually-don't, i'll-spend-the-last-bits-of-my-allowance-on-you teen romancey yk and now druella's PREGNANTT. and it's. okay. they'd only been fucking around with from what they'd been abraxas and the others do and things just escalated and well,,, sex ed wasn't the best at hogwarts ...

umm so like their whole dynamic changed and they fought all the time and druella hatedd cygnus because she had to be pulled out of hogwarts for months at a time and they had to get engaged but when bella was due cygnus did a whole romantic gesture and was like i love you druella pls and druella knew she was going to be engaged to him anyway so she let him spend some more money on her and then forgave him. andromeda was also an accident (conceived on their wedding night) ,, speaking of weddings walburga was SO jealous because she was in her twenties and unmarried and her FIFTEEN YEAR OLD BROTHER ?? WAS GETTING MARRIED ?? and druella was like omg she's jealous bc she's the one who doesn't have me 🥰🥰 like their whole wedding ceremony she was dreaming of having sex with walburga and cygnus was okay with it because he also dreams of having sex with walburga . when narcissa's born i think they're out of hogwarts ?? im bad at math but like umm yeah. they had a breeding kink btw should be mentioned. bad relationship with sex, too. but like yeah, once they were out of hogwarts they settled in france with their kids (bella and andie were w walburga/grandparents, before) and finally went back to a banter-y dynamic because they weren't constantly fucking fighting and then they came to england (they tried to live with walburga till she kicked them out) (or scared them when she went into one of her episodes) (obligatory bipolar walburga black mention) . uumumummumumumummmmmmmmmm idk if this is dynamic relate-y i just wanted to yap abt them

[chenkari]

Haven't made a personal post in a long time. I don't use tumblr like I used to, haha. I've been using it a little more lately though.

Bitchin' under the cut. Tw for depression, suicide, whatever.

I'm at a really low point in my life right now. We moved homes and it's been very hard on me. I lived in my old house for 24 years (since i was 5) and it's just very difficult for me to let go. I cry like every night about it, I miss my old house so bad. I'm thankful that I have a place to live and everything but it's just. So fucking hard. I know it'll get better with time but right now is so difficult. Thankfully we're still in the same state, initially my parents wanted to move out of state, so that's a plus. But regardless, we moved further away from my friends and work. My old commute to work was about 10 minutes, now it's 35-45. I hate my job, so having to drive further is like. So fucking annoying. Right now I'm off work on a medical leave, thankfully. I don't think I'd be able to function. I'm farther away from my best friend and while it isn't unmanageable, it's just.... idk frustrating. We've lived close together our whole lives.

I feel so isolated out here, it's further from the cities, there isn't a lot out here. I went on doordash and there were only 3 restaurants and a gift shop lmao. (major gripe: there is no target. im going to KILL MYSELF.)

I contemplated killing myself a lot. I'm so unhappy. I thought about doing it before we left the house. Like, so in a way so I wouldn't have to go. But I'm still alive. I still think about killing myself like every day though, especially at night. I think at night I become more emotional and shit. I'm alone with my thoughts in bed I guess, so I just think about it. I feel like this might be the most suicidal I've ever been in my life, and I've been trying to manage it but i'm struggling. I feel like I'm not even living. I'm just like. Surviving.

Something that has been really hard is like, my dad doesn't give a fuck. I can't be upset about moving in front of him cause he's like, oh my gooood, just get over iiiit. And like, I'm trying. But I'm allowed to be sad and miss my home too. Idk i want to be comforted by my family I guess. He's also just been more mean to me in general and idk why. Like I'll ask something totally... Normal. And he gets all pissed. Like I asked if he could pick up ramen noodles when he went to the store, and he got all pissed off. Like damn, sorry. And the thing is, I don't ask for much. I usually just ask my parents for like. A food item. I did ask recently for one of those mirror cabinets cause the new bathroom here does not have a lot of space. I asked about it again cause he never replied to my text and he yelled at me about that. Like, you can just say no. I just ended up buying it myself. Idk, i just wish he would say no instead of launching into yelling at me about it.

Idk I've just been so depressed lately, I can't bring myself to do anything productive. I just lay in bed. Even things I enjoy. I don't feel like playing games, I don't feel like talking to my friends, I don't feel like drawing. I just lay there doom scrolling on twitter. I've been a little better lately, I've been able to get out of bed and get on the computer for a bit. But still I have days where I just lay there.

I don't think i mentioned it on tumblr, but I'm a streamer now, (cringe ass vtuber. very small, not a big deal.) and while I normally like streaming, I can't bring myself to get back into my routine. My streams don't do so well too, so it's a bit disheartening. I'm not the most entertaining, it's my fault. Idk I'm just not very good at chatting about things going on cause I don't really have a lot going on. It's easier when people come watch and talk with me, but I can't expect that of people. I have to be better.

I'm scared about returning to work. I feel like I can't take it anymore. I hate my job so much, it's so fucking much. It's non stop work, no downtime, everything is always broken, and we don't have any appointments for people. (I make dr appointments for my job) All the appointments are like at least a week out and everyone is like "what the fuck" and I can't do shit about it. It's so stressful and idk. I don't want to go back. I've been looking for new jobs but I'm not having a lot of luck.

Tbh though I'm kinda in a tough financial situation right now so if anyone feels up to it, my paypal is https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/chenkari, I could use gas/grocery money. I would appreciate it.

I had to take Venus to the vet, she had an aural hematoma. They drained it, but her ear swelled up again. It is slowly going down now. I wonder how long until she'll be all better. I hope it isn't hurting her anymore. The cats have been good about the move. Sometimes Venus hides though and I can't find her anywhere :C I don't know where her hiding spot is wehh.

Anyways. Guess I just wanted to talk about what I was up to these days. Get it off my chest. Later.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Questioning my sexuality

Okay so hi cas ive been thinking about this for a long time and i think i might be bi?? Tho im only 13 so i guess i still have a lot of time to figure it out. Im definetly attracted to men and i have always known that tho now im staring to think i might also be to women. The thing is i actually want to be bi if that makes sense because im genuinely so terrified at the thought that if i ever want romantical love and a relantionshiop it will have to be with a man, and therefor i dont know if im actually genuinely attracted to women or if its just because i want to be cause i definetly find some women pretty and hot but im scared its just because im forcing myself?. Like for example theres this older girl at my school that i get a little breathless and incredibly nervous around because shes just so fkn gorgeous?? I know theres also that whole thing about how a straight person doesnt wonder if theyre queer but i dont know if it applies to me because im generally just a huge overthinker.

I dont know if that made any sense but i need to vent and get some advice on this i think, anyways im also gonna take the ultimative bi test which is apparently watching pirates of the carribean?

You are absolutely right in the fact that I think you're overthinking it a bit. And I understand why! It a lot to figure out, and i definitely over thought it a lot as well, especially when i was younger. So please don't think I'm judging <3

Here's the thing:

You do not have to be in a relationship with a man if you don't want to be. If you find girls attractive, you can date them! But it sounds like right now, you're thinking ten steps into the future. I know it's honestly the most difficult thing in the world, but I need you to just let yourself feel. You are more than allowed to identify as bi right now, even if you're not completely sure that's accurate. If things change, then you can change that label too! You're also more than allowed to say you don't want a label because you don't know yet! You're also allowed to try dating all types of genders and see how you feel (as long as those are appropriate, consenting relationships).

What I'm saying is, you do NOT need to have all the answers right now. It's okay to figure it out as you go. Because I'm quite a bit older than you and I'm STILL figuring it out.

Also, POTC is a great movie, but it probably won't give you the answers either <3

[talesofesther]

while wednesday addams isnt what society deems romantic, shes definitely a little jar of romance in her own way. i feel like wednesday would take ages to loosen up around you, but once she does shes following you around like a lost puppy. but she is doing it in her own way of course, she'll also never admit to anyone that shes completely and utterly besotted with you.

you would probably have to be patient and willing to try and teach wednesday about her feelings and what's going on in the early stages of your relationship, either you or enid and enid would probably scare wednesday off with her "loathsome excitement"

anyways, im done rambling now. youre a terrific writer <33

Yes, I absolutely agree with everything.

Contrary to what Wednesday herself might believe — or want — I noticed that she creates bonds with people quite quickly, Enid being a good example; Tyler too, despite what happened, because all it took was him taking the time to understand her and indulge her ideas for her to genuinely like him. And to her own surprise, she doesn't like being lonely.

And that's reason enough for me to believe she'd be a romantic in her own way, as you said.

She might not be one to fall easily, but I feel like when she does, it won't easily go away either. Tho she's definitely one of the worst people handling these feelings, so give her some time and help her out along the way. I feel like she would have some trouble expressing herself too; I doubt she'd use words while doing so, simple acts for showing she cares would probably be the easiest way for her to let you know she does care. Like for example;

It's a given that she'd have that soft spot for you and only you. She'd allow you to touch her more, enjoy it even. I feel like she would like to include you in the things she does, from investigations to vengeance plotting against her classmates (especially when you accept this side of her, girl's gonna be whipped). She would definitely have some possessiveness to her. She would care about your opinion. And she would do little thoughtful things for you; like grabbing some extra food when you're late for lunch, bluntly telling you how much you suck at a certain discipline only to immediately help you with it, sending Thing over to your room to check on you if you haven't seen each other for a while... And yes, she definitely does want to at least have you in her line of sight at least most of the time.

Like genuinely, you'd have to give her time, space if she needs it (just not too much, she wouldn't want that either), feelings are not easy for her to understand, but as she herself said, she's evolving; and I feel like that, after she understands that you wouldn't push her to do anything she doesn't want to, and most especially, you would never break her trust, Wednesday would be the most loyal, attentive and devoted partner you could ever ask for.

I rambled too lol.

Thank you by the way, this means a lot — I feel like I'm repeating myself, but all of your messages literally mean the world to me. <3

[nereidprinc3ss]

so um, you’ve probably have been asked this many times but how do you start writing fanfic without cringing at yourself? i already feel silly for reading it. i noticed you have gained recognition outside of tumblr which i believe to be an achievement but i can’t allow myself to go through that.

i work in the finance sector at a big american firm, i can’t have my coworkers knowing i’m writing fanfic. i already get teased for watching disney animated films (which it’s not that bad) how do you deal with this? ik you’re still at college and ofc, this doesn’t mean you’re stupid but i bet you know what i mean? do you have some advice on this?

⚠️me not shutting the fuck up and getting way too personal below the cut

honestly at first i DID cringe at myself. i cringed so much that after posting my first fic in like november i dont think i posted again til january because i was writing and would just get so humiliated despite being alone and no one knowing who i was or what i was doing LOL but honestly the way i got over that was just to do it more because i truly love writing and why would i let feeling “cringe” stop me from doing something i love and that makes me happy? that would be so heartbreaking, life is hard enough, we deserve to do things we love and are passionate about without judging ourselves so harshly

as for not letting other people know well yeah i just don’t tell my friends or anyone ik in real life that i write fanfic lol, they know i love to write and they know im obsessed with spencer reid but that’s as much as i’ve told them! i know it’s a thing that maybe most people would consider “weird” but as someone who has a crushing fear of intimacy this is kinda my outlet lmfao. and it made me feel really insecure and weird at first but then i realized like… i try to be kind and caring and thoughtful, i have a lot of good qualities and the fact that i write fanfic doesn’t actually detract from any of them. it also helped for me to accept the reason why i write fanfic which is (and we’re abt to get real personal) i’m deeply afraid of intimacy of any kind and always have been so writing fiction abt the stuff i’m too scared to do isn’t a bad thing. there are a lot of people who wouldn’t understand it but they don’t have the same experiences as me and i don’t need them to understand it because i know that they never could. like they don’t understand what it’s like to so terrified of being known by another person that you obsess over the hottest guy in your school district for six months bc you want the validation of him liking you back and you do everything in your power to make him like you and then when he actually does reciprocate you immediately start icing him out to the point where he says hi at a party and you ignore him to his face cause you’re so afraid of men😂😂😂😂😂 they don’t get those vibes!!!

anyway basically you just have to remember that you’re doing it for you and it actually doesn’t mean something is WRONG with you if you enjoy writing and the safety and control that fiction offers you. it just means you’re one of billions of people living an entirely unique experience, just like anyone else, and honestly i think it makes you interesting. having hobbies and passions is rlly sexy and cool, regardless of what they are, and you deserve to do stuff you like doing. if anyone else is giving you shit abt it it’s probably because they genuinely don’t understand what it’s like to have interests and that makes me feel bad for them lol