#but ill have fun even if it kills me
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This is gonna be my first year participating in artfight, wish me luck!! Lots of cool characters out there to draw! You can find me on artfight under the same username, CoolerTheWorm.
NOTE: MY LAPTOP IS CURRENTLY NON-FUNCTIONAL.
I'm going to be trying to replace the battery, but I don't know how long it's going to take, so I'm limited to traditional art. Bit of a bummer since I was going to use this event to practice digital but... C'est la vie! C'est la goddamn vie!
#artfight#artists on tumblr#this isnt even my final artfight card#the fixed one is stuck on my laptop im lucky i sent this earlier version to a friend already#hhh... man...#but ill have fun even if it kills me#Art fight#artfight 2024#team seafoam#af 2024
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[wouldn't you?]
#isat#in stars and time#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#twohats#twohats spoilers#isat spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#in stars and time loop#in stars and time siffrin#man i wonder if putting more tags helps reach or not. i'm genuinely uncertain#anyways! comic etc. have fun with it etc#do you regret letting go? do you regret killing your entire family? do you regret loving them? do you regret helping me? do you regret#i should probably get a tag for my art sometime but i'm lazyyyyy#siffrin and loop make me ill in the head. sick even#dasner art
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theres just so much comedy potential for twst ships to go on double date hang outs.... leomal (malleo?) + kalisil go to the beach or something. kalims burying silver in the sand while leona and malleus try to drown each other in the ocean :^)
#twst#kalim al asim#silver twst#leona kingscholar#malleus draconia#kalisil#malleo#silkali#twisted wonderland#cereal tries to draw#for every tag i add to a post that isnt just me yapping i fear i will be . killed.#drawing leona is so fun i love a good hater moment#i think maleus and leona arent even dating [yet] in this scenario#they just kinda got roped along for the ride#i was just thinking about how theres that running joke in the game of like#kalim and silver specifically just Missing The Point and being so good boy about everything#that like they dont notice the mega hater aura around everyone else#like in that one vignette where leona was like I Fucking Hate Malleus Draconia#and silver was like wow. i cant believe malleus made a friend. this is great.#meanwhile sebek is like i have to kill this man NOW!!!!! god theyre so funny. anyway#and kalim always being like LEONA MY GOOD BUDDY AND FRIEND WE ARE GONNA HAVE SOOOO MUCH FUN TOGETHER#and leonas like I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE!!!! fairy gala and playful land my beloved lol#plus kalim and silver want malleus to be included in things and have a good time SO!!! combine the good boy powers they can do it#they can make a maleleo date happen somehow LOL and they can hold hands while they do it....#leona and malleus somehow suckered into making it a bet of who would back out first or w/e idk#stupidass bitches like well. ill kick your ass at being a good date and having fun. prepare to die#and kalim and silver are like im glad theyre having fun too :^)
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i love augustas radiation/flea collar, especially how it matches her eyes!!
thank u!!!! it was either that, or the Cone of Shame lol
#originally she was meant to wear her space suit all the time to prevent the radiation frm leaking out.. the star she swallowed basically#latched itself to her heart so having smth cover her chest/torso would dampen the effect and prevent her from accidentally killing ppl via#radiation poisoning..... but i want to draw her in different outfits so she just needs to be wearing the collar to keep the radiation under#control. like a flea collar lol#but even before that the collar was supposed to turn into her space helmet if u pull the tag. i wonder if i should keep that..?#and yea the collar is meant to match her eyes!!! i wanted something blue/green to stand out against her pink palette as an accent#her original concept had a collar too so its fun to bring it back and see ppl enjoying it ^_^ 13 year old me would be so happy#ill take any excuse to draw my ocs so i was very happy to receive this!!! thank u for the kind words!!!#my oc#oc#augusta#friend oc#anton#hes there in the back lol#my art#myart#doodles#ask
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why do all my dads play guitar
#do i have a type???#[fakeman redacted]. ricky. lyle. is a pattern forming here?#theres probably more but im dumb#i dont know just a thought#sometimes i wonder if i should go full on chaser like kitty used to#like im being serious im already such a bad person would it really kill me to start searching for if [redacted] has a kin community#surely not but maybe because in a video [redacted] mentioned it mockingly? like because hes old hehe so its gotta exist#maybe they got chased off the internet... maybe i should ask my papa to build me one...#too forward? too cringe? i always thought it was before but desperate times call for desperate measures#i act like this is a personal journal and nota place other people can access#who even cares. im the king of sunk cost fallacy#anyways maybe someday ill get the courage to be that much of a degen to my own padres face but for now ill just vaguepost it in tumblr tags#and wish i wasnt the worlds most shame filled failure because being so shameful takes the fun out of the indulgence#lulah yaps
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i wish it wasn't so normal for people to complain about unfinished wips or fics that take a long time to update. because sometimes i think i have a really fun idea for a fic but it'd take a while for me to write, and i like talking about my work as i do it and i don't like writing entire fics over like 20k without sharing, because i lose steam. so if i were to write and post that cool fic idea, it'd be as a wip. and then i think about all the people who just refuse to engage with wips, or all the other people who would just go "update pls" all the time, and of how people only really comment in the first 24 hours something is posted and then it's lost to obscurity, and then i just go "actually whats the point in going through the effort writing this out? i'll just daydream about it now and then and be done with it." and then i don't write it. alas!
#rimi talks#shoutout to that one person who followed me from resi fandom and commented on one of my dc fics like ''pls update that resi fic''#also shoutout to all those tumblr posts about how theres nOthInG wOrSe than finding a GoOd FiC but its uNFiNIsHeD#i used to really like writing longfic but these days i kind of shy away from it bc it rly does get discouraging#like they say ''write for yourself'' and i do but i certainly dont share just for my own satisfaction yk???#anyways. i already have space fic and theres no need for me to start another fic. even if it would be fun.#ive also just been in a Mood about writing since yesterday and thats not helping matters 😔#but it feels like a stupid thing to be in A Mood about. idk. whatever jdlksk hopefully itll pass and ill be normal tomorrow :/#bc talking to duck earlier today we came up with a really fun mermay fic premise. but. writing? me? multichap again? lol. lmao even#like i would love to!!!!!! having two ongoing multichaps wouldnt kill me i like to pingpong between wips#but dealing with people whining about update times or telling me they refuse to read bc its a wip...... dunno if i can do that again fellas#okay. enough woes and whining. i guess i will go play a video game
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This is random drama im looking at rn from captain laserhawk fandom,i dont post about i know but i like its content,so feel free to ignore my rage moment cause hhhhhh ill be very angry<3 /
istg the rayfrog drama is the dumbest shit alive in the clh fandom AUHGG💀
no it isnt pedophilic and yes im pointing and you people who said that dumbest shit,directly to your eyes BWBDBE
Just cause in your head you just made it up,ITS NOOOOT CANON,they are both adults,rayman is a guy who literally can live/sleep 100 years and mf can't age physically after origins,he is a ageless, a literal magical fantasyland creature made by gods,its actual creepier that you guys infantilize bullfrog on trying to make him like some kind of CHILD or teen who barely got to be an adult when in reality he is an old grown ass man who has been being an assasing for who knows how many years,that you guys had more that mindest speaks more of how creepy you are,stop infantilize grown ass adults istg
u can not like or u can feel uncomfy with rayfrog like thats absolutly fine dont get me wrong,that is not the problem and u can have for whatever reason,if u hc that they had an age gap,if they are just friends,familiar stuff,like other ship related to Bullfrog or idk but, don't try to made up arguments and do shit ass ship wars,they are adults PERIOD,grow up and stop crying about it,just block tags or be healthier for your own life to just shrugh about it and move on ITS NOT HARD 💀
#rayfrog#drama discussion#like HECC this dang ass ship isnt even my stupid cup of tea#i can give two shits about it except for unwanted MMMSUUS art on my sfw twitter#but people bitching about it is like UHHHHGGRRRR#move on really#is not hard i promise#but istg for all the drama i had the mental state of#please made the ship canon so people cna stfu#or with dolph there too so we csn have the fun polys#OR KILL THEM ALL SO WE DONT DISCUSS MORE SHIT XD#captain laserhawk#and if u go to try to argue with me ill just send to u a video of “touch grass” from youtube#cause im not arguing more than this once cause my time is more valuable
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fuck you *puts your fairydog in hanfu*
#mcyt#last life#last life smp#trafficblr#rendog#ldshadowlady#fairy fort#. yknow what ill tag this as#fairydog#as well even tho that tag is populated by val and dust at this point#anyways . my hanfu agenda going well as you can tell#i wish i have more canon excuses to draw block people in hanfu tho#like its fun to headcanon stuff but its still more exciting to get canon content of something . if that makes sense#id die for mote asian rep in mcyt spaces o(-( like not just ccs either#i want more non asian ccs to take inspirations from asian cultures . build asian architecture inspired bases#heck . write lore with asian myths and folk legends as inspiration#as long as you do research and do shit respectfully i know at least 5 people who would literally throw parties over them#anyways if yall see me reblogging hanfu posts youll know why#anyways anyways . my bones are killing me so goodbye#catgirl supreme
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like if u asked me hey joelle what have u been up to the last three months that have kept u from bein a full time blogger has it at least been fun or productive. id have to be like. i dont fucking know. ive been watching a lot of movies on the couch
#and playing a lot of pokemon until the switch killed my hands#then i remembered i could put the switch on the tv screen and kill my hands less. but then i couldnt watch movies so i stopped doing that#have u at least been more present in ur life w the less screen time. no. have u kept on top of ur self care tasks. no.#but the movies are fun :)#i dont i simply dont know what ive been doing with my time bhsfg not anything thats made me feel even a little bit better in any way#so i guess the patient does need full-time blogging to live. ill get back on that at some point
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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts
#toy txt post#my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW#its very silly of me#imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad#even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i#listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception 😔 maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary#i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a#different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound#so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy#ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate#feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed#*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it#which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting#sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same#i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic#OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about#different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject#needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBE😭 I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP#ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE#WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE#SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR#ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT#anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess#(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill#deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts#and the subject
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Ishida please stop doing this I'm begging it hur st
If I had a dollar for everytime Amon had a Sudden Kaneki Flashback I wouldn't be rich but I would still have Several More Dollars
kaneki's influence on amon really can't be underestimated huh (I mean I knew that but Still) it makes me so ill i hate it her e
#txt#me reading :re having a good time: wow this goes so fucking hard!! i'm having so much fun :)#random amoneki fight flashback:#THERE'S EVEN THE ONE FROM KANOU'S LAB I'M SO SICK ANDF ILL HRMGSHBJSBSFB I'LL JSUT DIE I GUESS#amon (at least i believe it's amon) fully smiling instead of the only slight smile he had after he and Kaneki fought there#he understands now he gets it now he didn't want to be a murderer he doesn't want to kill anymore hesbjlsshlshbaeoubhadf#anyways finished volume 9 !! 7 more to go... also i'm almost 100 chapters in that went by fast..#at this rate i might be done in a week or two idk but ! we're getting there :)#adding this to the “number of times amon has randomly remembered a fight/encounter with kaneki” tally
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they need to make a killing myself I can do every weekend but only on the weekends so I can get up fine on monday and go to work again
#.vent#maybe i should start drinking so i can get blackout drunk every weekend. or fuck around w sedatives or pay someone to just whack me round#the head with a sledgehammer on friday evenings and hopefully ill recover from the concussion by mondays#its not even funny what the fuck is wrong with me that i have to spend all my free time trying not to kill myself i feel so sick#im literally fine at work i guess i just dont know how to have fun or be happy or feel wanted or cared for or loved by other people#but dont have to think about that when im working so its fine 5/7 days which is pretty good. im so lonely i want to throw up#tried to leave the house got ready and everything and then burst into tears for no reason ive spent the past hour trying to talk myself#down from hurting myself and i probably wont in the next few hours but i almost certainly will before the day is up. oh well#man who fucking cares. typing this isnt making me feel any better i dont really know what to do anymore#i have a drs appt in 2 weeks for smth unrelated but maybe ill ask abt antidepressants. theres nothing specific causing this#my brain just doesnt work right.i dont even feel like a person most of the time#well nothing else to say 👍
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vent in tags
#i feel so unloved and liek im a burden to everyone i know. i want to hide in a closet and stay there forever#by myself and at peace. its quiet andni dont have to do anything#no one can make fun of me and no one can make me feel like im a bother#i dont like being alive#every day feels the same as the last#the days are going by but nothjng is changing#i dont see the point in going forward#i know life is only going to get harder from here#im well aware#thats a big part of the reason of me wanting to disappear#no one wants to talk to me. no one wants to be with me. they either tolerate me because theyre kind or they just dont bother even pretendin#to like me#which. is fair. i dont blame them in the least#doesn't stop me from being sad#ive been spending all my breaks with my teachers. i think they pity me#i feel so bad for bothering them. im just so empty inside i need company#im so pathetic#i think i should just kill myself#i need constant reassurance that people actually want me around but no one is giving it. probably becaude thye dont want me around and dont#have the heart ro say it#i think i should disappear#i cant connect with anyone i know. everyone around me just thjnks i need to shut up#i dont have a happy place anymore#ill only ever reach that happy plac3 when i die#even then i wont be happy. just relieved#relieved that its all over
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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i WAS gonna complain about horror being a skeleton and therefore never able to do the akanbe face but then i remembered. i'm an artist!! i can just DRAW him doing it 😇😇😇 ok but he doesn't have eyelids iKNOW ill figure it out ok
#im going on a short vacation that means prime time to slack off and mtthink#and i have some drawing ideas froM LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO that i never drew because i had no motivation or even time#so now i can do it :3333 lets (me) see if i still even like the ideas#and i have Saturday and sunday and mondayOFFschool and then i leave on wednesday morning ヽ(≧∀≦)ノ#and that gives me prime time to draw draw DRAW#and theres like 20 days left of October i really should get to work on that animation meme#i WILL trust i swear#if not i kill myself#jk! (fashion au?)#ive been using kaomojis now. jk killer would too#ヽ(≧∀≦)ノ#me taking like a whole week on a shitty hrkl little writing thing when it was leagues easier to just describe my idea#i REALLY had a vision and then i was reminded that writing is boring and that a vision expressed through words cant keep my attention#anyways i finished another little dust doodle of a song that reminded me of him#now it is time to actually get my life together and shower and brush teeth#the only homework ive got is reading a few pages#i have been ON TOP OF MY HOMEWORK since school started bro😭😭😭😭 ive been SUCH a good student 😭😭😭😭#so much free time at home and yet none of it is spent on doing anything but laying down and lazing about#come on! come on! you need to get up! use your brain! PLEASE TRIGLYVERUVLE PLEASE FOR YOUR OWN ENTERTSINMENT#forcing myself to do something i find fun when i have no motivation to get up is so annoying#iWANT to draw iWANT to think i WANT to write (eh) but i just nonono feel like it (༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ)#tricule rant#actually today i found another song that could fit horror but i just glanced at the lyrics#if i aint mtt pondering at the very least ill be connecting them to songs#new art project is gonna have HINTS of mtt in it. not really but if im aware of them then they exist#i love art class i love learning about art principles i just wish i could apply that shit to my work#well DIGITAL work. doing stuff traditionally always feels so much easier
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doing a cnc scene but it's like with those movie dogs that are playing a scary evil role but the speed at which their tail wags could break the sound barrier because they so happy to be a good pet.
#me being ill is just me wanting to be taken care of soooo bad#actually cruel how much the human psyche is like WE NEED COMMUNITY as soon as you get ill#but yeah would kill for an arm to rest my head on#and like some softness#the fever makes every inch of my skin hurt :c#and i tried to have some fun but i ran out of energy before i was even near the edge :c#another hour before i can take the next rounds of my meds x.x
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