#but iirc it's longer than my other ones--And it has more words

[coffeegnomee]

All About You

This is about to be the most meta analysis post of my life, but something that has fascinated me the most about lifesteal recently: chat is the 38th member.

As a live stream story, lifesteal is always going to be affected by the live audience, the streamer reading messages, talking back and forth, sometimes doing what chat wants. This is the streamer-chat dynamic. It's natural, it's part of the story.

But something that has fascinated me particularly since season 4, particularly post zam's break s5, and Particularly in s6 since I've started interacting on tumblr, is just how much chat influences the lore and how much we influence each other.

At each of these moments there was a shift in the PrinceZam streamer-chat dynamic.

Season 4 was a lot of anti-lore chatters. People who blah blah blah'ed it up whenever Zam went into a spiral about what he should do. It heightened the feeling of isolation and confusion, especially as some chatters (shoutout van) tried to gently encourage zam in his decision making, giving counter points to the negativity. Unfortunately it often just lead to more confusion as chat was split 50/50 on almost every decision.

In season 5, after the break, there was a reset of the mod team to the team we have now (knowing most of you are here potentially reading this is weird.) These were the best chatters of s4, the ones who became highly invested in Eclipse, and lifesteal in general, and Zam in particular.

In season 5 the hivemind of the mod team getting excited about lore was hilarious to watch. Half the team reprimanded backseating of the rest of the mod team (shoutout meep), the other half lored it up (shoutout chips), everyone loved it. 'Credit to the artist' was born as direct quotes from chat made it into the character.

Read that again: Direct Quotes From Chat Made It Into The Character.

That is weird.

No longer was it simply the mind of PrinceZam forming the character of Zam, as we watched and reacted, but chat itself became an integral part of the lore (these are his amends. make him repent) forming and shaping it, right alongside Zam, into what that season became.

In particular the conversations as the Joker (specifically the Jumper yap in your president doesn't care about you) brought out comparison after comparison to past seasons of princezam as chatters brought up and compared jumper to zam season 3. This sparked a huge renaissance of past season analysis of Zam which became heavily integrated into the final months of the server, with zam to minute, with minute bringing up his own inspiration of season 3 zam, and with zam musing about how each character approaches what past seasons mean to them (concluding, iirc, that they remember it but it doesn't matter to them. tell that to s6 zam lol).

In season 6 the dynamic has shifted again. Credit to the artist has died down, usually in favor of admitting he's reading a suggestion from chat, but the back and forth conversation, reading out specific messages, from often the same few people (shoutout arch and van and citrus (hi citrus)) has flourished more than ever (also shoutout the new chatters. there's been a turnover again and a lot of new names who are consistently affecting the lore)

Right at the end of season 5 I began interacting on lstumblr and writing and reading posts. It came from the end of season conversation about The Mering essay, Barrier Blocks: a breakdown of lifesteal in 22k words about season 4 and conflict. It wasn't the first time that essay and the story of Eclipse Federation was brought up and analyzed on stream as Zam encountered head on that his darkest time on lifesteal was the defacto fan favorite story of the server.

The analysis of the chatters was being shared with the streamer and therefore, the character. These were the seeds of thinking deeply about his actions in s4 and s5 and how he actually felt about them and not just moving on and forgetting.

And then something else started happening. Maybe it happened often before, and I was just not aware of it; I do remember a few times in s5 the mod team referencing and asking zam questions about his character that they had talked about or mused over between each other on discord. So it was happening to some extent, but particularly since starting to hear your opinions and analysis about the story on tumblr, I'm seeing a new trend in s6.

The fandom stream snipe:

When someone in chat innocently brings up something I damn well know was talked about on here just the day before.

Some analysis about a previous stream. Some wishful musing about interactions we hope to see. A tidbit about a previous stream that was unresolved.

And it changes the lore just as much as Planet is known to change the lore by talking to Zam.

The two instances that got me really thinking about chat being the 38th member were recent:

After 4c betrayed there was of course a lot of discussion and the general consensus was the we would love to see another 4c and zam conversation. Especially after 4c gave kab the disc, and zam did the short confrontation of him with derap. Multiple people, I mean it was on everyone's mind, wanted another interaction.

And when the timing was good, chat struck. Or should I say, van cooked. After Zam wrote signs about kab and wondered what to do about his interactions with her, someone mentioned 4c, and the door was opened to talk about what we were all wondering about. Van delivered, nearly single handedly driving the conversation towards talking to 4c, musing that it felt unresolved. When zam got distracted by demi talking about his base, van brought the discussion back around to 4c and the rest of chat started cooking too, innocently encouraging a second conversation. And Zam /msged 4c to talk.

It would not have happened without chat.

The second was yesterday: talking about Leo potentially being a mole. I had analysis, I know zy had analysis, I think others did as well. But until chat started bringing up fandom analysis, zam and derap were not sus of Leo in the slightest. Zam was only partially suspicious about Mapicc wanting to kill Flame, but he only thought of it in terms of letting Mapicc down.

And it got me thinking; at what point are we stream sniping ourselves? It's not really stream sniping (though the 4c one gets very close) because it's based on our own analysis, and usually just based on zam's streams, or doesn't include knowledge that isn't known.

But that Leo analysis was lifesteal spoiler walled. It was, by default, something that was kept hidden from lifestealers on tumblr (though less for zam and more for anyone else), though, as a theory, is it really a spoiler? But as a theory, is it really meant to be seen by the character? Unless we were a member and wanted to tell our teammate we thought something was up?

It's an interesting conundrum. Our analysis is a hivemind of hyperfixating viewers who Think about lifesteal all the time, rewatch streams, watch everyone and know how everyone is likely to be thinking and acting, breaking it down, reading each other's analysis and cultivating a deep web of theories and hopes and dreams about this lovely server of ours.

And that holds weight. All the minds of the viewers pushing together to have an affect on the server. Honorable mentions are our opinions/analysis on lskab that ran rampant in chat for that like month, and, in the opposite direction, mer's rewatch of s4 ending in a "i wish zam could talk to vitalasy again" post which plausibly reignited the deep dive thinking about that season and then culminated in this past saturday's stream!

Would PrinceZam the character ever have wanted to talk to vitalasy nearly half as much without the love of the fandom (not just mer) for eclipse federation that persists to this very moment nearly 2 years later?

We mighteswell be a member on the server asking zam to talk to someone!

Not to give us a big head.

I'm in no way criticizing these actions. I don't have an opinion either way for when it's too much. It's part of the medium to have a chat. Lifesteal would simply not be lifesteal without the audience interaction and this influence is hardly new to the story. One could say the ls story never got started until the audience cared enough about the story as story to have an opinion on where it should go.

And it's the same with the server members: they have to care about the story enough to log on and be in the story. And then they start affecting it and the story is created.

[syllvane]

you can hear it in the silence- roy kent x reader

a/n: roy kent x tartt!reader. no pronouns specified iirc. content warnings for alcohol and growing up with a shitty father. ask to tag. yes this is 3.2k words no i dont want to talk about it

You’re outside the bar at your brothers birthday- the night is cool against your skin, a welcome relief from the crowded nosiness of the bar.

You loved Jamie, probably more than anything, and Keeley was always a sweetheart, but that didn’t change the fact that you weren’t AFC Richmond.

You don’t get the inside looks, the intricacies of everyone’s friendships with one another.

“Oi,” A gruff voice said from behind you and you nearly jumped out of your skin before whipping around and seeing none other than Roy Kent. “Did I scare you?”

“No, that’s how I react to everyone.” You deadpanned. “You’re Roy, right? Jamie talks about you a lot.”

He nodded.

“You his girlfriend?” He asked and your face scrunched up.

“Ew, fuck no. I’m his sibling.” You snorted and his lips turned upwards slightly.

“Right, he’s mentioned you. Usually calls you ‘Pip’.”

You cringed.

“Of course he does.” You said, shaking you head as you looked back towards the bar fondly. “Thank you for training him. It means a lot of him, more than he’ll admit.”

“He’s a good kid. Not bad company.” He said thoughtfully. “I’ll flat out deny it if you repeat it though.”

“Oi! I asked you to go find Pip, not chat them up!” Jamie said, walking out and looking between the two. “Is he boring you to death? He has a tendency to do that.”

“He thought I was your girlfriend.” You said, smile on your lips. Jamie groaned and put a hand on Roy’s shoulder.

“Ew,” He said, tone of voice the exact same as yours a moment before. “How did you not know that Pip’s my sister?”

“I know Pip is your sibling. You didn’t call them that.” Roy said, only slightly annoyed.

“Oh, whatever. Come back in, I missed you.” Jamie said to you.

“You know I’ve been gone maybe five minutes. I didn’t even expect you to notice I was gone.”

He looked at Roy incredulously, as if saying ‘can you believe that?’ before turning back towards you.

“Of course I noticed, now come on.” He started towards the bar and you rolled your eyes.

“It was nice formally meeting you, Roy.” You said, smiling slightly as you turned and walked with Jamie.

He smiled back- not that either of you could see- before following you both back into the bar.

The Richmond players cheered at Jamie’s reappearance- you laughed, turning to look at Roy, your smile warm and eyes curious, meeting his. Your eyes lingered until you tore them away, Keeley speaking to you.

“It’s no longer my birthday, so go on then.” Jamie said, looking at you as you both walked through the streets of Richmond.

“What are you talking about?” You asked and he scoffed slightly.

“It’s past midnight.”

“Not what I meant.”

“You like Roy.” He said and you groaned.

“I do not.

“Do too.”

“Do n- we aren’t doing this.”

Jamie pouted slightly, but didn’t argue.

“Y’know, obviously I don’t like the idea of you with anyone from Richmond, just because I’d learn more about you than I ever want to know-”

“Thank you for that, Jamie.”

“- but Roy is a good man. Better than most. You’d have my blessing.” He finished, taking a deep breathe and you smiled, stopping and hugging him.

“You’re very sweet, Jamie. I don’t even know Roy, though. Is he attractive? Yeah.”

“Ew.” Jamie commented, voice muffled from the hug.

“I’m ignoring that. But I don’t know him.”

Jamie pulled away, looking at you.

“You could.”

For a second, her heart thrummed with the possibility. You thought of the way his gaze fell on you- what would it be like to kiss him, to-

You simply smiled, not trusting your voice, and squeezed Jamie’s shoulder.

“You’re sweet, the best brother, y’know?”

“I do,” He said cheekily. “Nice to hear it though.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed, willing yourself to enjoy the moment instead of thinking about Roy Kent,

Well, at least for a little bit.

When you arrive home to a dark, empty apartment, your mind wanders.

You hate it- hate that you keep thinking about him, hate that you don’t want to stop.

What if they dated and broke up? It would ruin Jamie and Roy’s friendship.

And even that assumes that Roy even noticed you in the first place. You were no model and he was gorgeous and-

“Fuck!” You cursed to the empty apartment, breaking the train of thought.

You were too tired for this, for thinking in circles about things that would never happen.

It’s not a week later when Jamie’s car won’t start and he asks you to pick him up from practice.

Hence your waiting in the Richmond parking lot, waiting for Jamie to hop in the car.

A knock on your window made you jump in your seat, only to look up and see one Roy Kent.

Ah, fuck.

You rolled your window down, looking at him.

“Fucking hell, you’ve got to stop that.” You said, heart still racing.

“And here I thought you reacted to everyone that way.” He said dryly and a small laugh escaped your lips.

“Only you, apparently.”

“Are you waiting for Jamie?” He asked, head cocked slightly.

“What? Oh. Yeah. Did practice run late?”

“He’s doing PR stuff. He’ll likely take a while.”

“Oh. Huh.” You did your best to keep your expression neutral.

“He didn’t tell you.” Roy said, realization dawning on his face.

“Yeah, he may have neglected to mention it.”

“Fuck. I was gonna… do you want a tour?” He asked, causing your brain to fully stop for a second.

“A tour?”

Roy blinked.

“Of the clubhouse.”

Out of instinct, maybe, you open your mouth to say that Higgins took you on a tour of the clubhouse one of the first times you were inside the clubhouse.

Then, you closed it and nodded.

“I would love one.”

More interesting than the clubhouse itself is the way Roy talks about it, the affection that lies in every word he says.

And then, he took you out onto the pitch, the one place Higgins didn’t cover.

“It feels much bigger when you’re actually on it.” You said softly, taking your eyes off Roy.

He looked at you, gaze uncharacteristically soft before forcing himself to look anywhere else.

“You wanna take a shot at the goal?” He asked and you whipped around to look at him.

“I don’t think I’m… am I even allowed?” You asked and Roy let out the smallest laugh, startling you.

“Sorry, I was just trying to picture your brother saying that. Yes, you’re allowed.” He said, passing a ball fo you that had been sitting by his feet.

You- to your great surprised- received the pass and then looked back at the pitch before shaking your head slightly.

“Jamie’s the one with all the football talent. I feel like I gotta work my way up to this.” You said and he grunted. “What does that mean?”

He shrugged.

“You’re selling yourself short.”

“You’re right. I’m actually the one with all the football talent.” You deadpanned. “I’m- hey!”

With a surprising swift move, Roy took off and stole the ball from you, walking casually towards the goal.

You followed him further onto the field until you were about twelve meters from the goal.

“Roy, what are we doing?”

“You are taking a penalty.”

“Are you going to be goalie?”

“Fuck no. I’m retired.”

You smiled, looked at him.

“You’re selling yourself short.” You said, trying to imitate his voice. He rolled his eyes.

“Penalties, it’s just you and the goalie.”

“There’s no goalie.”

Roy ignored this.

“You want to always look at the goalie when you’re shooting, to see which way they’re leaning towards.”

“Looks like this goalie is on vacation?” Someone- Jamie- said, emerging from the clubhouse. “Aren’t you supposed to be gone? Bingo or something, granddad?”

Roy grunted, staring daggers at Jamie.

“You had plans? I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“I wanted to. And it wasn’t bingo. It was yoga.” He said, the end of the sentence pointed towards Jamie.

Jamie held his hands up in defense and you smiled slightly.

“Thank you.” You said sincerely and Roy offered you a small nod before walking away.

Once he was out of earshot, Jamie looked over and started laughing slightly.

”What?” She asked. “You could have told me that you had a PR thing.”

“That’s not nearly as fun, is it?” He said, before smiling. “It’s all on your face, you know.”

“What?” You repeated and he looked at you, same strange smile on his lips.

“You like him. It’s written all over your face.”

“Jamie-”

“I know, I know. You don’t like him, or whatever.” He said with disbelief.

“Yeah,” You said. Or whatever. “Are you ready?”

“Mhm.” He said, walking back towards the parking lot.

When Roy Kent shows up at your ex’s mom’s house, you’re almost positive that you’re dreaming.

When he looks at you and says “Fucking hell”, you snap back to reality.

“Roy, this is Sam’s ex- the super sweet one I was telling you about.” She said before turning to you. “This is Roy. He has the mouth of a sailor, but he’s a good boy.”

There’s a look of panic on Roy’s face for a moment, fading completely as you outstretched your hand.

“It’s nice to meet you.” You smiled. “How do you know Tabitha?”

“We uh… we do yoga on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” He admitted.

“And shows on Fridays.” Tabitha helpfully supplied before handing a glass of red to Roy.

Roy nodded slightly, taking a sip.

“Of course, can’t forget the shows.” Roy said with no particular emotion.

“Right. Why don’t you two grab a spot on the couch?” Janice and Gertie will be here in five- you know how they are.”

In the noisy living room, one of the older ladies in the room motioned for Roy to sit next to her, to which he happily obliged, looking at you as he sat down- an invitation.

You walked over cautiously before sitting next to him gingerly.

“Oh, Roy! Is this your-” The woman started.

“No, I’m Sam’s ex.” You said, saving yourself the embarrassment of Roy saying ‘fuck no.’

Curiosity turned to pity and the woman leaned over Roy, putting a hand on your knee.

You smiled, the pity still feeling better than whatever you were expecting from Roy.

“It was a year or two ago, ancient history really.” You said, half to Roy, half to a woman you didn’t know the name of.

Before you could speak again, Tabitha walked back into the living room, accompanied by two older women- presumably Janice and Gertie.

It takes an episode for you and Roy to get comfortable with each other’s presence- an episode for you to relax enough to the point where your leg brushed alongside his, another half episode for Roy to start catching you up on the plotlines you’ve missed.

When Tabitha pauses the telly and calls it a night, it feels like no time has passed at all and if you didn’t know better, you’d say that Roy almost looked… disappointed when your leg was no longer touching his.

“Did you drive here?” Roy asked and you shook your head. “Do you want company on the walk back?”

You smiled.

“I wouldn’t mind yours.”

He nodded, holding your eye contact before looking away and making for the door.

“Thank you Tabitha, always a pleasure.” He said gruffly.

“Always a pleasure,” She smiled. “Oh, dear?”

You turned and looked at Tabitha.

“Yes?”

“He’s a good one.” She said, voice quiet.

You turned to look out the doorway to see Roy.

“He is, isn’t he.”

Tabitha patted your shoulder affectionately and you turned back to look at her.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, dear.” She smiled, before you turned and walked back towards Roy.

“This is the last place I expected to see you.” You said and Roy shrugged.

“I told you I do yoga.”

“Yes, well, when you said yoga, I thought you meant with a bunch of other fit guys.”

“Oh fuck off.” He said, no actual malice in his voice, before he stopped walking completely. “You think I’m fit?”

You stopped, turning and looking at him, ready to tell him go fuck off.

Your voice catches in your throat at his raised eyebrows and the small smile in his face, and a smile of her own formed, features softening.

“I said what I said.”

“You shouldn’t stay stuff you don’t mean.”

“Who says I didn’t mean it?”

He let out a small grunt, a noise of disbelief, which would’ve offended you if you didn’t see the almost bashful expression in his face.

“We should continue walking.” He said, clearing his throat.

“Right.” You said, and the pair continued forwards. “Tabitha invited me to the get together next week, by the way, but I can always cancel if you don’t want me there.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know, it was your thing first. Just wanted to give you the option.”

“Fuck that, it’s… nice, having you there.” He said, voice full of indignation that you could believe for a second that your presence wasn’t wanted somewhere.

When you’re alone in your kitchen later, the feeling hits you like a brick.

It’s not your plan to go out drinking when your father reaches out to you for the first time in many, many years.

You know he’s in recovery, knows that Jamie has seen him, and none of that prepared you for the absolute vitriol you feel when you hear his voice.

The conversation lasts no more than a minute, your father gracefully taking a hint for the first time in his life.

You ignore the call from Jamie that comes a couple moments later and mindlessly drives to a bar near your apartment.

And you drink until anger turns into a full buzz in the background, which turns in hollowness.

Your phone rings- Jamie again. You looked at the photo of him that popped up. He couldn’t be more than three years old, crooked smile on his face, sitting in the grass next to a football.

Even as a kid, you tried your best to protect him from your dad. You’re still not sure how much you actually helped.

Your phone stopped ringing. You ordered another drink.

It’s not a half hour later when someone takes the seat next to you.

You glanced at them before going back to staring at your drink before doing a double take, because what the fuck is Roy Kent doing here?

“Jamie sent you.” You said, little emotion in your voice.

Roy looked at you and gave a single nod.

“He’s worried about you.”

“Okay. Well, if you’ve come here to say that I need to give my father a chance or some bullshit, you can leave.” You said, fully expecting him to stand up and walk out.

“What? Fuck no. I’m here because I care about you.”

“Oh,” You said, energy draining from your posture. “Oh.”

Silence sat in the middle of them for a couple of moments. You eyed the half-finished drink and was suddenly positive that you’d throw up if you took another sip.

All at once, it’s all too much. You, the entire bar, smells too much like your dad.

“Can we…”

“Are you okay?” He asked, standing up and you shook your head.

“I need to get out of here, I need to…”

“Okay, let’s go.” He said, throwing some notes on the bar top and guiding her to the exit.

The fresh air helps, but the smell of alcohol clings to you and it’s all too much, at least until Roy takes off his jacket and offers it to you.

You don’t put it on, just hold it against you and focus on the notes of his cologne instead of the scent of alcohol.

This and the sound of voice reassuring you that you’re okay is enough to ground you.

“I’m sorry. Fuck.” You said, voice breaking and eyes closed.

He pulled you into a hug.

“You have nothing to apologize about.” He told you. “Let me take you home.”

You pulled away from him, still sniffling, and nodded.

The ride home is silent.

You don’t have to ask him to come in- you simply give him a look and he follows.

“I’m going to shower.” You said and Roy nodded.

When you emerged, alcohol no longer clinging to your skin, you were surprised to see him standing in your kitchen, eyebrows scrunched together as he cooked.

“Thank you.”

He turned and looked at you, giving you a nod.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not.”

He held your gaze for a moment before turning back to the stove, pulling the pan off of the heat.

“How do you feel?” He asked, doing his best to disguise any concern in his voice.

“Better. I’m sorry. You probably had better plans than babysitting.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

He set a plate of food in the counter for you and you took it, grabbing a fork from the utensils drawer and digging in.

You feel the need to apologize again, as if your mere existence is something worth apologizing for.

A bad habit leftover from when you were your father‘s kid.

You help him clean up despite his protests, and pretend not to notice his concern.

“I should go to sleep.” You said and he straightened up.

“Right, I’ll… go, then.” He turned away and you grabbed his wrist, your skin electric against his.

“Stay. I mean, you don’t have to, but-”

“Okay. I’ll stay.”

You want to kiss him, want to close the distance between the two of you. You don’t, remembering that you’re a bit of a mess right now, but it’s not for lack of wanting.

You let go of his wrist and gave him a small nod.

“I’ll take the couch. I don’t want you to fuck up your back because of me.”

“Now-”

“Roy, please. Let me do this one thing for you.”

He looked at you, narrowed eyebrows, before he sighed.

“This is fucking stupid.”

“You’re a pro-footballer, I won’t be responsible for breaking you.”

“Was,” He corrected you. “Was a pro-footballer.”

“You’re selling yourself short.” You said gently and his expression softened. “Please.”

Without further protest, he listened.

When you wake up, the embarrassment weighs on you almost as heavily as the hangover.

Almost.

On the coffee table next to you, there is a glass of water and some painkillers, which you gladly accept.

Roy is in the kitchen, disheveled and cooking breakfast.

“Twice in twenty four hours, I feel lucky.” You said, cringing as soon as the words left your mouth.

He looked at you, eyebrow raised and lips turned upwards.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” You smiled before the look faded into something softer. “Thank you for staying.”

He looked at you again, expression somewhere between adoration and frustration, because don’t you get it?

Of course he stayed. All you ever had to do was ask.

He gave you a simple nod instead.

“Roy?”

“Hm?”

You don’t say anything, but you don’t need to. It’s written all over your face and for the first time, Roy can see it:

He looked at you for a couple moments before turning his attention back to the stove.

“Me too,” He said quietly, offering you a plate.

You took it, fingers brushing against his, smile blossoming on your face.

“Yeah?” You asked and he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah.”

[u3pxx]

disco meshi au rambling below major spoilers for both disco elysium and dungeon meshi (only up until chapter 62)

BARKS anyways i was suddenly hit with a pang of "extremely normal about harry du bois" and thinking about the idea of harry being a former dungeon lord in this au

i'll copy-paste a bit of the rambling i did in tags (and clean them up) to catch you all up to speed

- ok so maybe harry + kim won't go dungeoneering on their own but maybe they were sent to investigate dangerous dungeons and sent to make sure those aren't threats anymore (kind of like the canaries) - maybe harry had become a dungeon master at some point and the part of him that was eaten was his memories. - GODD dungeon master harry is kind of giving me grief though. can you imagine what he would count as his perfect life. can you imagine when the illusion starts to fall apart and he's accepted that he will be consumed? but he doesn't get to die. that's his curse.

i have like several ideas on what things would be fun to explore in the au and one of those ideas is harry and kim being assigned to maintain the safety of a dungeon which just so happens to be: the dungeon that harry used to control.

(note: i do not remember that well what happens to a dungeon after the dungeon lord has been dethroned. iirc it does still stay there so OOF. imagine traversing to a dungeon and seeing things that should be familiar to you but you just cannot remember anything. it hurts when you look at it, but what did it mean to you?)

i just think that harry after being left, now an even more broken man than he ever was, being granted this false escape from his situation in the form of his deal with this demon. the kingdom he's built inside the dungeon, what if it was just a home. what if it was just a home, like any other home on the surface. surrounded by trees bearing apricots. what if it was a humble home for him, his wife, and their unborn children. what then huh orz

and then i thought: "hey now, didn't dolores have a line that LITERALLY had the words, "i will eat your mind"?" and then --

Dolores Dei: "... it was *a hundred million years ago*. I was someone else then -- filled to the brim with love for you. Hanging on your every word. Oh Harry, you were the *coolest*... But I am no longer that person. This..." She points to herself. "... has taken her place. It will devour you. Harry -- I will eat your mind."

COME ON. MAN. DO I EVEN HAVE TO DO ANYTHING HERE ORZ

thinking about. the demon manifesting as this monstrous amalgamation. if i think of a better animal than lamb that symbolizes what dolores dei represents then i'll change it but MAN.

anyways. thinking about this comic ryoko kui wrote and thinking about the dungeon as a metaphor for addiction. thinking about a demon that devours and feasts on a person's desires until there is nothing left of that person and thinking about the pale that slowly grows and expands and turns everything into nothing at all. MY BRAIN ISN'T WORKING ANYMORE SO I'M SORRY IF I CAN'T EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS MORE COHERENTLY. HELLO CAN ANYONE HEAR ME DFGDHJK

also, i think dora is an elf from a wealthy family in the au. just another layer of arghhhhgghgh to add above everything else. another reason why her family doesn't like harry is because he's from a short-lived race.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I do love my coworkers to be clear they are by and large great people who, despite being tragically cis about it, have no issue with my gender or my presentation.

It's just also funny to watch the occasional newer person/intern try to get a pronoun train going in the meeting and becomes instantly anxious when they stare dead at my clocky ass face during my intro and I just. Don't offer them pronouns. They gotta ask now. They didn't want to. They're so afraid to ask.

And it was that feeling the first time that reminded me of when I first started dating my wife. She told me about how at some point in their relationship, she gets every white person in her life to say the n-word in her presence. She described it as a litmus test. Not just about their resistance to saying it/how long it takes for that to erode, but for how they react while they're saying it and after. Iirc, she has found that resistance is actually less reliable than how the word finally comes through. For her, that reaction is valuable for her in measuring safety of people even if they are good at maintaining plausible deniability about their relationship with race as a construct.

For me, I think it's more about forcing them not to ask me to reassure them that they're still good people if they're confused by my gender. As long as I respond to the unvoiced anxiety, they never actually learn to take responsibility for it. And yeah, with normal anxiety that would be a lil bit of a dick move on my part, but in this case the anxiety specifically comes from "I'm afraid that I don't know how to treat you with respect" as a core conflict against "it is important to me that I am a good person and I believe a good person would treat you with respect." We all of us have to learn eventually how to wrestle with that feeling, on some axis/aspect of our selves. When my wife sat me down and explained that she understood that I didn't want to say it, but that she needed me to be able to say it in her presence so we could work through what showed up there together, I had to face down the fear of "this word means nothing but hate to me and I don't want to believe I could ever see it in relation to you, a person I care about." But I did. Of course I did. Growing up in a racist society means internalizing racist messages, and you can unlearn the ones you can accept being told about. But you can't unlearn jackshit that you can't even look in the eye.

So I said a word I'd never said in my life, and I realized, as I *think* my wife intended, that I shouldn't be afraid of the word. The word doesn't matter. It could just as easily be "taxonomy" and still mean what it means. Because it was the IDEAS being signaled by the words that mattered most, that should be fought and resisted and erased. And if I was too afraid to look at the word and understand what it really meant, I could never actually promise her that I would always work to see her whole humanity and love her for it. She couldn't tell me what words to say for that to be true because the words could say whatever I meant them to say, even I didn't know I meant them. I needed to be able to understand and change on my own.

It's the same thing for me at work. I can't tell my coworkers the right words to say to ensure they don't hurt me. All I can do is hold an open door for their attempts. Hold compassion for the debrief when it goes awry. If they're too afraid of failing their own standards to make that attempt, I cannot be the one to swoop in and save them, because that only deepens the fear of failure for the future. What if the day comes when I'm no longer willing to rescue them? Do they lose their relationship with me? Do they panic and shatter under the pressure the first time it isn't escapable? Better to stand, patient and calm and unmoving, on the other side of the creek with a hand outstretched. Better to catch hold and pull them to solid ground once they take the leap.

And for what it's worth, several coworkers eventually got up the courage to ask on their own! And we had a good talk. And now, they're super chill all the time about ir and great at being kind and respectful, because they mostly all came through with the same realization I had that day way back when. They were looking for a rule to follow so they didn't actually have to think about the beliefs they knew they carried, minor tho they all ended up being. And it wasn't fair to ask me to excuse them from that part of participating in our professional relationship.

I dunno. I have no problem with people who normalize pronoun sharing and I think it's a great tool in the whole kit. But it's just not one I click with myself. And what a grand thing to be able to say to a cis person "Even if you are doing it from a loving place, treating trans people as a monolith that you can "be respectful of" via a one-size-fits-all process is still transphobia and I'm not gonna let you off the hook for it. You have to treat me like a person because you see me as a person. Up to you how you get there."

[rain-braiding-down-a-window-pane]

May I drop a harebrained Siegfried/Audrey theory in your askbox, since I've nowhere else to put it?

The real Siegfried, Donald Sinclair's, Audrey was a wealthy woman who bought them a manor house after they married and basically ensured he'd never be pressed for income again. (IIRC, *that's* when he finally made real-life James/Alf a full partner in the practice!)

Theory: Mrs. Hall is going to come into money. It's a bit odd that we've never heard a word about her relations other than Edward (have we? We've heard about the parents of every other major character) or what became of Mr. Hall - a random fortune could come from anywhere. Maybe the *reason* Audrey has never discussed her family is that there's something unexpected about them (well-to-do?) but they cut her off early in life for some reason - could hers have been a shotgun wedding? I think all we know about her wedding to Mr. Hall was that it took place during WWI and was small and hurried, right?

Or maybe the mysterious Mr. Hall is the one who comes into money, and leaves it to Audrey and Edward upon his inevitable untimely death.

In any case, Audrey comes into money and no longer *needs* her job, instantly negating the employer/employee barrier and the awkward power imbalances that go along with it. (Maybe she insists on leaving Skeldale since it would look improper for her to stay with no legitimate need for employment, and this precipitates Siegfried fiiiiinally making his move?)

I also think this will come at the end of the series, and may go hand-in-hand with S and A moving out and gifting Skeldale to James and Helen (which IIRC is also roughly equivalent to what happened in real life and has a sweet passing-the-torch-to-the-next-generation vibe). As much as I adore the Skeldale found family unit, the idea of Mrs. Hall becoming Mrs. Farnon and basically keeping on just as before but without a salary has always been a bit awkward. I don't think the series will end with two married couples living at Skeldale.

And anyways, I just love the idea of Audrey having a little Jane Eyre-ish arc and getting everything she deserves, dammit. It couldn't happen to a nicer fictional character.

(SORRY for just ranting in your inbox at length Pepe Silvia style, yikes, I'm just bursting with Thoughts™ and no one in my circle watches ACGAS!)

Feel free to drop me harebrained theories, I like reading them!

I too, would like to hear more about Audrey's past. Beyond her ex-husband, Edward and the Wrens, we don't really know anything else about her pre-Skeldale.

Like you, I struggle with the idea that if when Siegfried and Audrey do get married, Audrey simply carries on cooking and cleaning and whatnot, even though she's the lady of the house now, and for no money. I think she's used to her financial independence, and may struggle with the idea of being reliant on Siegfried for money. I also think she likes to be busy, so not doing all the jobs would be challenging for her too.

Audrey coming into a bit of money could help push aside those boundaries, and they could then approach the relationship more as equals. It could be quite a neat way, and a good catalyst, for them finally getting together.

I don't think the show is following too closely what happened irl, particularly when it comes to Siegfried and Audrey, so sadly, I don't think she's coming into money any time soon.

Audrey, however, really does deserve all the best things.

[bonefall]

Getting my ask in for Clanmew day! I translated some of my OCs from a personal project - they might not be fully accurate, but I tried my best.

Hindstar - Nisushai

For this one, I did a contraction of Niaa and usihu - I chose 'hind' instead of just 'doe' or 'deer' for her name to sound old and grand, which she definitely... tries to be. Her name is specifically meant to be archaic, evoking an old glory.

Deerspring - Augyiao

Pretty direct translation. If -spring wasn't a loanword, I would have it specified as the future tense, "deer about to spring." My cats are in North America, so her name would refer to a whitetail rather than a red deer, but I'm not sure how to translate whitetail calls.

Fawnspots - Mweenwoowoo

Again, pretty direct. She and Deerspring are sisters, and I wanted to give her a relatively plain name for contrast. It makes for a good nickname - I cannot imagine a better one than Weewoo.

Dapplepaw - Paplapwyr

Direct translation. I toyed around with the idea of contracting dapple with fawn to make Mylapwyr, both to tie her more directly into the deer theme of her family and to reference her mother.

Velvetpaw - Gawrekpwyr

Direct translation, don't have much to say on them - although, iirc, I sent an ask forever ago about antler velvet for their name and I think it ended up turning into the guide on deer.

Littlebird - Eebwipwik

"Small quail" - he's the father of Dapple and Velvet, and doesn't have the deer theming. His family has game-bird theming, but 'Littlequail' didn't sound quite right to me so I went with Littlebird instead. I like saying his Clanmew name though.

You're probably correct! Occasionally a Clanmew ask ends up becoming a full fauna guide. Yours probably became the one on deer broadly, the category of "Kleka" including sheep and horses.

So with all the deer totally covered, and your OCs all having great names, here's some fun words for Littlebird and his side of the family.

Wattle = Shubpi

The fleshy facial parts of a male pheasant or the head feather on a male quail.

Interesting etymological origin; the word "Shub" had a use in Old Tribemew AND Parkmew. In Tribemew, it meant Gray as in the normal color of the sky in England; inconspicuous; humble. In Parkmew, it meant uncooked chicken, especially guts and edible bones, rare treats that were not particularly common in the Park and had to be acquired from the wider city.

The siblings Gray Wing and Clear Sky were referring to a wing that blends in with cloud cover, and a blue sky that would put such a bird on full display. Since Gray Wing the Wise was killed before ever meeting a Tribe Cat, xey were associated more strongly with xeir role in death as a great, holy sage of wisdom, conveniently tied to their concept of delicious chicken.

And what's closer to a chicken than a pheasant?

As the two cultures mixed to create what we now know as Clan Culture, the many uses of Shub mingled. Gray Wing the Wise became associated with pheasants, the mid-gray color of thinner clouds with the sun behind them, and revelations of hidden or ancient knowledge. Xeir appearance as a patron reflects that, with prominent wattles over both eyes.

So "wattle" is a contraction of Gray + Perceive. It's also used to quickly describe just about any fancy bit of adornment on the head of a bird.

A fantastical bird = Eer-roo

Before the meeting with the Tribe after the destruction of the White Hart, Clan cats no longer saw eagles, and slowly forgot the truth of chickens as they were confined to farms.

The two things merged into one fantastical animal. A massive predator bearing the most delicious meat you've ever tasted, bearing a huge wattle and thick skin as if its hide was already tanned, big enough to carry off hogs and so heavy that it could only fly by jumping off the highstones.

Could be described as a feathered dragon. Its wisdom is stressed in the tales, unlike many other mythological beasts, even able to trick careless TigerClan warriors.

[sukirichi]

LOVE LETTERS: longer asks

from: shhh anon

okay so with the limited time i’ve had, i do finally have some theories and things ive realised, i also think i may have gone a little overboard so enjoy this mini novel 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

let’s start from the beginning ☝️

→ SHHH ANON OMG this was 1.6k words that’s CRAZYYY I love you for that, really <3 okay LET US DIG IN also I am so sorry this took me forever to reply to, my life is just hectic *sobs*

chapter 1)

wakatoshi being the crowned prince by king’s favor makes sense — he’s the most responsible and with the newly added info that rin isn’t the kings biological son, it’s obvious the king would have wanted to be preceded by someone of his own blood even if it wasn’t an official crowned prince. a male born to a concubine may still become an heir if there is no other option iirc.

oooh yes this!! especially because I mentioned before that ushijima is the favorite son since his mother was the one that the king really liked!

“It was all my Mother’s plan to put me on the throne, and I accepted because she promised I could make you my concubine!” this was from rin in chapter 1. the queen was so adamant about rin becoming the king that she made promises out of desperation, her son becoming king would mean she is still protected by the royal law and even if it had gotten out that rintarou isn’t the late king’s biological son, he’d already have the highest rank of authority. the queen was desperate to keep her title and i guess the benefits of being royalty? or maybe she has nowhere else to go. the more i reread, the more i realise — yuzuru and the queen aren’t as similar as i thought. they’re the same side of different coins, yes they were both cheated on and their husbands ended up impregnating other women, but yuzuru would NEVER be desperate for a royal title like the queen is, like that fuckass eyeball mfer is.

right again, shhh anon! the queen really has taken measures to ensure she’d keep her title as queen because it comes with a lot of privilege, and like that cersei lannister scene, “power is power.” and yeah!! yuzuru would never be desperate for royalty and wealth because she already grew up very privileged and has loving parents, so yuzuru pre-marriage really won the lottery in life. but here’s the thing – the queen’s background wasn’t really divulged, but I will say that she wasn’t poor or struggling like eyeball either. in a nutshell, she really is just greedy LMAO

chapter 2!

‘Princess Iris played the naive part well of concealing her feelings’ it should’ve been obvious from the start, iris never loved anyone really, she loved being loved, but to her everything was an act to keep her afloat, bro actually get me in the ring with her i need to fight this bitch atp.

“you had to choose someone with the power to tear the family apart as soon as she finds out about your affair? I would not take her wrath lightly.” i mentioned this quote in another theory, but i think the foreshadowing was just really well done. i also think it helps highlight the difference between iris and yuzu, like iris was able to make rin believe she was everything he needed to love, she played the part of the heartbroken lover well. yuzu turned her sadness into power and motivation, she knows she’s capable of more than just manipulating the men around her. iris is a performer, she spends her free time being a puppeteer. yn spends her time playing the game of chess that the queen has set up, and i fr believe she’s going to have a checkmate soon.

HELL YEAH. iris loves being loved! she grew up having none of that, and when she became princess, she felt like she was becoming the exact opposite of what she believed – someone great, someone worthy of adoration. AGSHJKA BUT NO WORRIES I CAN GET YOU IN THE RING WITH HER. OOOHHH YES LIKE that’s a really good analysis actually – iris is a performer and a great actor, but yuzuru isn’t. while iris likes to flaunt to the people of what she has to prove a point, yuzuru prefers to have her own way by working behind the scenes (much like how the queen does, she keeps things very subtle but also will not hesitate to go out with a big bang if need be. iris isn’t like that. she’s much more straightforward and not that much of a strategist, we only saw her pull out the big guns from chapter 18 when she also broadcasted that public announcement to make rin a target of the government.

“I know there are no limits to your actions if it means protecting your power and wealth.” this was said to the queen iirc, and again THE FORESHADOWINGGGG. hindsight is truly a blessing

‘Your loneliness was one of the reasons you fell madly in love with the Crown Prince.’ yuzuru uses her loneliness to bond with people, iris uses her loneliness to use people. it’s why iris and suna don’t work well. they’re both people who see loneliness as a reason to be greedy and use those around them to fulfil their emotional needs, and how will those needs be met when they have nothing emotional to give to each other? whereas yuzuomi, both use their loneliness to form a connection and proper bond. or maybe it’s just cuz they’re actually normal humans who have functioning brain cells and don’t live in “me me me” land like ipiss. (rin gets a slight pass cuz he was essentially raised to be selfish and alone as crowned prince)

yuzuru uses her loneliness to bond with people, iris uses her loneliness to use people. OMG YES. A HUNDRED PERCENT YES. iris and suna see their loneliness as something that highlights what they’re lacking in, and it makes them want to take and take, while yuzuru sees her loneliness as a space to be filled and shared with someone else. that’s why yuzuomi works so well – they see that they have spaces in their heart left to be filled, and they welcome love with open arms <3 me me me land like ipiss IM CRYING AGHSJAA

‘You were confused what to feel—disgusted that she thought she could fool you into thinking her husband would be the father when the Prince was rumored to be rarely at home, or utterly mortified with dread over the possibility her husband was not the father.’ clocked it from chapter two, iris being rin’s baby momma was foreshadowed 🗣️🗣️

YEAHHH THE FORESHADOWING IS THERE also CAN I JUST SAY I’m so happy you went back to read the first chapters and noticed all these little things because I was actually trying my best to drop hints here and there that can all be connected to the latest updates and to have someone notice those details… I’m so so happy, you have no idea😭💓

“Royal marriages either happen to form alliances [or] hide a revolting scandal” this is where iris’ family comes in, i 100% believe they used sensitive information to get iris married in. im thinking her family were the original royals in itachiyama (the broken down castle) when it was still connected to inarizaki, and the queen could’ve had to give in, as a way to stop a war from breaking out between the two countries, icepole also referred to her marriage as being “forced, to stop [their] countries from going to war”…. so there’s that, but i do also believe they used rintarou’s status as an illegitimate child as the main bribe. which i also feel like is yuzu’s motivation to publish the article, cuz wdym you’re gonna threaten my husbands peace and identity for your own selfish gain? she got me sooo fucked up. but that begs the question… what is in that article? defamation? an allegation of treason?

ICEPOLE AGAHJSK okay so here’s the thing – we all know that inarizaki and itachiyama were originally one kingdom when a faction decided to split apart and be independent. however, they all still share the same land/country in a way, and itachiyama was richer when it came to natural resources, while inarizaki was more advanced in technology and society overall. the two countries have a peace treaty that they can equally benefit from one another, but as time went on, inarizaki’s monarchs were failing in their ruling hence the economic problems that were discussed around chapter eight or so, and it’s a problem that was attempted to be solved by having iris and kiyoomi marry because the royal family felt that they needed itachiyaman representatives within the crown to show that they are all “still as one.” it worked for a little bit, and it did stop the two countries from going to war (although it was mostly inarizaki being desperate because they needed itachiyama more than itachiyama needed them), buttttt it was still complicated because itachiyama was weirded out that iris (who was supposed to be their princess, too) never visited them, and they felt like she was never really a good rep for them

“Prince Kiyoomi is not the type of man to be reckless and drag himself into scandals,” but he defo cares enough about his brothers to sacrifice his freedom in order to protect them. or maybe he got the short end of the stick and had to take one for the team cuz he’s a fancy farm boy from itachiyama💀

he got the short end of the stick, unfortunately *sobs* the king mostly keeps his conquests his conquests within his kingdom but when he saw kiyoomi’s mother… he just couldn’t help himself, and when he was born, the king thought, “wait, this boy can actually be of use.”

chapter 3.

“Would you rather me impregnate a woman purely for that reason? To father a child I was not ready to have? To bear such the burden of the Crown onto a young boy who was born not because his parents wanted to love him, but rather because I am someone who ‘had to fulfill my duty’?” unironically, that’s exactly what he did. in his mission to rid iris of her loneliness, he impregnated her with a child he was not ready to have.

“And sometimes a lowly Prince must be smart enough to turn away from matters that do not concern him, lest he wishes to be exiled from the only place that puts food in his mouth,” rintarou is going to lose it all. i think the way dtd is going to end will be something like this: rin and his mother lose their titles, or well…. rin steps down, he has growth as a person and learns that the materialistic life and more power than you could ever imagine just… isn’t worth losing your humanity over. or maybe he does it for yn, but i do think he would step down. a motivation to step down as king / crowned prince is the fact that his mother lied, and rintarou realises that after only ever being used as a chess piece for his mother, a tool for her to use to give herself an advantage - after realising he was never his own person but a doll that sat pretty, only ever being dressed up and thrown around, no aspirations for himself other than what he’s been fed to desire… he takes control of his life and gets the ultimate revenge.

EEEEE YOU PREDICTED THIS OMG – RIN AND THE QUEEN LOSING THEIR TITLES DID HAPPEN!! although I will not lie, I really wanted to try a different ending where Rin faces the queen head on and exposes himself as he steps down from the crown, to show the queen that he wasn’t going to continue being her puppet, and also to finally be honest for once to his wife – to let yuzuru know that their marriage was never a valid royal one, so technically, they’re annulled, and he’d hope she’d finally be free from him because rin knows that if he doesn’t do something, yuzuru would still remain devoted to him (even if she’d already fallen for omi.)

HUUUGEEE jump cuz chapters 4-7 already have my theories iirc

chapter 8)

“I never knew my name could sound so important without the titles attached to it.” this kinda feeds into my idea from before!! i think this is the start of rinta realising, being a normal guy isn’t so bad. he has a name beyond the crown, he is a person beyond the roles and responsibilities he’s been forced to have. i think ushiwaka will be crowned prince and eventually king. despite being traditional, i think he would probably make an exception to the royal marriage rule for omi and yn. since their situations were very unique compared to what most royal marriages were about. yn’s technically would be allowed since rintarou isn’t even royalty technically, and id assume he’d let omi out of that marriage since iris technically threatened the royal family!

OOOH I LIKE THIS THEORY but yes!! I really do want rin to realize that being a normal guy isn’t so bad, although it’s still hard for him to accept because then it really just shows how he was a nobody who ruined yuzuru’s life, and the guilt will be something he’ll carry with him forever. not to say that he thinks he’ll have more right if he was someone wealthy, but… yeah that’s really how he thought during the first parts of dtd, that’s why he always said “as the crown prince, I don’t deserve anyone lesser than her.” for ushi though, yes I do think he can make exceptions to allow omi and yn to marry if we ever go down that route – he may be traditional but he is also such a softie deep down!

“but it was always a famous royal saying that whoever was your last dance on your debutante ball was your destined lover.” red string theory!!! MY BELOVEDDDD. this is why i think yuzutarou will have a platonic ending while kiyoomi becomes the main love interest, destiny is something akin to fate, it can’t be change no matter how much you try to manipulate the situation. just like how the queen cannot change her fate, she was destined to fail and i think we could possibly see a conversation in the future about how the universe would not allow her plan to succeed? probably from keiji. i also think she’s gonna rope keiji into her scheme tbh, get him to commit a little treachery maybe? have him be a scapegoat to protect herself and give herself a fighting chance… per chance?

ooooh also I’m sorry to disappoint in this part but when I said that the queen had plans to use Keiji, I actually wasn’t going to write any scenes about that BUT it’s true that the queen planned that if ever rin doesn’t become King, and Atsumu wasn’t approved to be King by the public, then Keiji would be her puppet King since she knows he’s ‘weak’ in terms of title and power, so Keiji “might agree” to be King 🥴

anyways that’s all for now, idk if i was cooking or just regurgitating stuff you’ve basically said 😭 i just don’t think the villains in this story are iris and suna anymore. the villains were always the villainesses - the queen and iris. theyll fight against whatever odds to change their fate, theyll use and abuse whoever they need in order to stay at the top.

this is deadass so fucking long but im excusing myself cuz its got content from like five chapters LOL also sorry for the lack of jokes, i was ‘erm ackchually’ing my way through this entire thing 🤓🤓 goofy ass text analysis bruh, got me typing shit as if me and sigmund freud were psychoanalysis rivals.

→ ANYWAYS I LOVED YOUR THEORIES AND ANALYSES SO MUCH LIKE i hope you know you have a special place in my heart!! you have shown so much love and support to dtd and i am just so so soft about that. thank you again!! AGAHJSK ERHM ACTUALLY I GET THAT BUT YOU GOT THEM RIGHT SO YOU WERE SO ON POINT!!

from: @kyriaan

Bruh i imagined such dark scene 😅😅😅 im so sorry this is very dark dhdhhshahha but imagine after rin tells yn he wants a divorce she just stays there, empty expression, her ears ringing. The word divorce repeating in her head until something shatters. Yn smiles softly but its not quite right? She moves graciously to her room and gets her gun. As graciously she walks around, searching for a certain woman in her house. White noise is all yn hears and then she finds her. BAM she shoots her gun not even hesitating, hitting iris in her stomach. Another shot echoes in the walls and then a thud as iris lifeless body falls on the ground. Rin shows right after his eyes opened wide, shocked as he hesitantly looks at his wife. Scared, hes so scared and she's there smiling oh so innocently and yet so unsettling. 'see, it took care of the problem, isnt that right? Rin' yns voice is sweet, the only thing rintarou's mind can register over the ringing of his ears.

→ I’m not really reading yandere content but does this count as yan?!?! anyways omg. also because it’s a well known fact that yn knows how to use a gun and is an exceptional shooter as well AGHSJAK. I do think this would go well on a darker theme (and ngl I have debated making dtd darker but it just!! didn’t fit the vibe LMAOOO) but also I feel like if yn really did shoot iris, she’d do it during a manic episode and then not even realize what she did until it’s too late 😭

Awww now that you talked about it i remember you briefly telling me the tooru ending and thinking about it made my tiny heart sad then and sad now 🥺 its a bitter sweet ending while they end up together and basically love each others company, yn never ends up loving him 😔 But yes! Totally just write the ending you like best (even if that shatters everyone's heart 🥹) its your story after all 😌

→ THE TOORU ENDING. I remember back in 2022 when I was still getting so much ideas on how DTD would go, my heart really wanted a tooru ending but idk AGHSJA somehow along writing it, I did not really expect to fall for Omi and have him move up a notch on my faves so him or suna have the highest possible endings </3

So the evil in me is working.... while i still want iris to abort... Theres something mmmm say usually women are in danger or miscarrying in their first trimester and iris have been looking rather sick, rin also mentioned doctor telling iris to move bla bla in case she gets sick..... How fucked up would be if she i dont knowwww miscarried it? 👁️ I mean even if she survives the 1st trimester theres just so much stress in the royal life especially now that her safety net aka omi is kinda not feeling so 'safe' now mmmm

→ i actually did plan for iris to miscarry it because she would be too stressed out from being deposed but she's offscreen right now so even if she did miscarry, we would never know 😭

Well i read the full update.. I dont know who i despise more now tbh The queen or iris Probably still iris but i was not at all expecting the surpreme bitch to 1st threaten to kill Rin and second threaten to exile us and Rin and then threatening to make Tsumu above all the king like 👁️👄👁️ Welp i cried when we called for Rin while sick and when Rin rejected us.. Like i said i thought it would hurt less now that i know he loves us but ahah 🤡 I still hope iris miscarries or aborts or goes ahead and dies while miscarrying 🤷 Kinda don't get it why they're all 'i need her here as the father of the child in case she gets sick bla bla bla' when she basically admitted she never wanted to be with him at all since hes no real prince or even royalty, and since both wanted the kid gone AND with the obvious no no from the supreme bitch but wtf do i even know anymore 😭 Like why all this now? They say one thing then they do another at this point my heart and my body are too exhausted to even process reasons why 😭 So much for iris wanting to be our friend and wanting rin to move on and be with us 😒 Also i see you Omi but sorry i still foolishly stand for RinTeam

→ hate the queen more, she’s more fucked up lmao! NOOO BECAUSE PLANNING TO MAKE TSUMU KING WAS SO FOUL LIKE not only did the queen force an incestuous marriage but she really wanted a sex offender be king :skull: oh the whole “I need to be there for her because I’m her baby daddy” thing was actually NOT real at all lol, they never went to a doctor or whatever because both rin and iris plan on getting an abortion anyway. it really was just rin’s sick plan of inviting iris to their room so he can hurt us more when we return, because at that point he really didn’t want us getting close *sobs*

Until now rin always said 'it was always her never you' right? And he never really told us he loves us even tho we know (well we readers do). So imagine if he gets to the point where he just goes like 'it was never her it was always you' when he finally admits his true feelings Jfjsjkaofhak The fact this works in both an endearing good happy scene and a really angsty one, leaves me both hopeful and extremely terrified 🤣🤣🤣🤣😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

→ IT WAS NEVER HER IT WAS ALWAYS YOU AGHAJKS I NEED THIS SCENE TO HAPPEN SO BADLY and you’re so right!! whether it’s a happy ending or a sad one that line delivery would be so heartbreaking AAAAH WHY’RE YOU DOING THIS TO ME RIN

BRO THE MOMENT I SAW FORCED INCEST I HAD THIS WAR FLASHBACK OF YOU TELLING ME IRIS AND OMI WERE HALF SIBLINGS AND I IMMEDIATELY KNEW WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT DHSHGDBSJJAJJA Kinda... Made me realize that iris... Said she was lonely because her husband/HER BROTHER never touched her... 🤢🤢🤢 Like i would forgive her if they were step siblings like no blood related but half siblings.... Yeahhhhhh I was really fucking satisfied by seeing iris in deep shit but god fucking damnit bitch always has to find a way to get back up 😒 like fucking suffer bitch By the way tho since she knew about rin being a fraud doesnt that make her an accomplice 👀👀👀👀 cause he didnt know but she did sooooo if she never told anyone and 'protected' the secret BITCH YOURE GUILTY TOO! PRISON WITH HER! Now the part where rin was drunk had me wanting to spoil him full of kisses omg 😭😭😭😭 Us saying we would pick omi tho 😒😒😒😒😒 like no So the last part while im fucking jumping in happiness since we're with rin now im hating the fact we're all omi omi when in the very last chapter we admitted we still loved rin and well technically we said he still holds a big part of our heart so.. Praying omi was just infatuation since we were sad and cravingg affection 🤣🤣🤣🙏 Thank you so much for this chapter like holy shit i was in the edge of my sit the part where we shoot??? BRUHHHH SO GOOD

→ AGHJKSLAA YES ALTHOUGH I actually took out the whole half siblings thing with omi since I thought it was gonna be just sooo weird but I was like yknow what screw it!! AND YEAH LMAO that’s why omi never touched her. and yes it does make her an accomplice for keeping it a secret!! NAURRR UNFORTUNATELY OMI WAS NOT JUST AN INFATUATION LIKE. we loved him fr. but we also love rintaro (more than romantically) that we couldn’t abandon him… also thank you so much AAAA IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!

from: 🎧 anon

Owieee you had a busy week :(( but is oki now because it's done!! Speaking of my dream uni, my classes start on August 9 and to be honest, I'm scared because my schedule everyday (except Thursday and Saturday and Sunday) is from 7 am to 7 pm... Plus we still have Saturday classes and I still don't know if I officially have no class on Thursday or if it will be for something else. Yes, I still read Bonten Wives... I read it whenever I miss TokRev and watching Windbreaker made me miss them sm 😭😭 so I ended up rereading the manga again 🤧🤧 and I'm falling for Mitsuya and Rindou all over again 😭😭😭😭 AND YES!! JO IS DEFINITELY NOT A MANWHORE LIKE AIKU AJSHAHSHAHHA SUKI! From the moment I first saw Jo on screen, I knew, that I have fallen HAGSHAGSHAHAHA so here are my rambles This is quite common for genres like TokRev and Windbreaker but sometimes, I like to think on how I wanna patch up their wounds when they run to you. I imagine, Jo would act all smug at first before admitting that he's hurt 🥹🥹 I want a Jo Togame in my life 🤧🤧🤧🤧 Someone to snuggle and cuddle to and all that OKAY BUT HEAR ME OUT! Imagine if the Yn that Jo is dating is like someone's little sister in Bofurin!!!! *sigh* can I not be a college student and just get transported in Windbreaker AHGSHAGSHAGSHA ALSO! Can't wait for later's update in DTD!!! Love ya lots!

→ OMG NGLL I DON’T THINK MY BUSY WEEKS ARE ENDING AGSHJK I have classes that are like 8-10 hours a day (sometimes less, sometimes more LOL) and I also go out like everyday so *screeches* also no way omg?! 12 hour classes?! weekend classes too? honestly I would cry but my class schedules were also like that for a while SOOOO BRACE YOURSELF BABE!!

and aww you still read bonten wives, that’s so cute! I actually miss tokrev so much too, like remember when it was so popular in 2021 and we just had so much content of it? like the dance trends, the filo memes, the timeskip content and everyone was just soooo hyped, ugh I miss that time. also!! rereading the manga after windbreaker is so real! when I got into WB I was actually missing tokrev so much but also I love how WB is still its own thing, and I’m just as in love with the characters as I did with tokrev! (okay, that’s a lie because I may or may not be a little more insane when it comes to the windbreaker boys. like. HAVE YOU SEEN SUO.) ALSO MITSUYA AND RINDOU – THE CANONICALLY BEST BOYFRIENDS <3 OH NO YEAH LIKE I DO FEEL LIKE TOGAME MIGHT GIVE OFF MANWHORE VIBES LIKE AIKU AT FIRST BUT?? idk, but I’ll forever die on the hill that togame is a soft loverboy!! aiku though… honestly I wouldn’t mind if he cheats on me because at least I’m still on his roster LMAO /lh

EEEE PATCHING UP JO’S WOUNDS?!! HIS BLOODY KNUCKLESS!! I think he’d be so soft and gentle while he just sits back and lets us do everything :< but yeah he’s going to play it off for sure and be like, “nah, this is nothing” but as soon as you’re not looking, he’s wincing from the pain AHSJKA. no omG I THINK ABOUT THAT ON THE DAILY TOO LIKE? TOGAME JO IS ACTUALLY MY IDEAL BOYFRIEND IN LIFE but where can I find a man like him?!?! ALSOOOO??????? SOMEONE’S LITTLE SISTER???? OOOH WHY DO I FEEL LIKE IT’D BE GOOD IF WE WERE UME’S LITTLE SISTER?!!?

awww love you lots too headphones anon, I hope you’re doing well in uni!!

[katriniac]

Maybe I'm biased. Maybe it's just my memory being selectively forgetful.

I think Cybird gave Kanetsugu more facial expressions than most of their other sprites. 🤔

(Keiji had quite a few, too, iirc)

Kanetsugu has 8 (11 if you count the blushing ones separately) which seems like a lot.

I went through the screenshots I saved thus far. Here's what I have compiled:

Stoic

Surprised

Surprised, blushing

Grr

Grr with closed eyes

Grr with closed eyes, blushing

Appraising/Thinking

Appraising/Thinking, blushing

Hmm, smiling

"I can't meet your eyes right now"

THAT SMILE!!! 🤯🫠

And then these gorgeous CGs from the game:

I am trying to keep my blog spoiler-free for folks. If it wasn't for that -- and my lack of time and energy -- I would be posting several times a day how much I am enjoying this man's route.

Seriously. You would be sick of hearing from me by now.

I was gushing about him to a friend on What's App in a voice message, and realized it was over 30 minutes long when I finally sent it off. And I WASN'T EVEN WINDED YET. I could have prattled on much longer about Kanetsugu and his route. 😅

It has been a very very long time since I've been THIS excited for a new route from Cybird (and have not been disappointed once it was out).

ANYwayssss ... gonna stop it here before I accidentally spill any spoilers or continue to fangirl for another 3,000 words.

🫠 Mmh, this man. 🥹🥺🥹😍

[sysmedsaresexist]

Hey ~

It’s been so amazing seeing the positive change on this blog, we are so here for that kind of growth and energy!

We saw that you recently reconciled with @/sophieinwonderland, and we have a couple questions.

Are you okay with and support those who use “tulpamancy” language (a huge thing she defends)? Curious about this because we have seen many Buddhist POC systems express genuine concern with that language (not the practice, just the words “tulpa” and “tulpamancy”)

Are you okay with those who equate therians/nonhumans and the people who love them to zoophiles (another thing she has stood by which was incredibly triggering and offensive to us, a therian-heavy system).

Personally, we followed her for a long time then unfollowed after we saw someone else’s post which brought this stuff to light. We are just curious what your thoughts on this are!

(Also as far as we know she has shared some really harmful misinformation about dissociative disorders… specifically iirc that DID can form after childhood and trauma is not necessary for this disorder to form. Just letting you know in case you weren’t aware!)

- Starling

I kind of went back and forth on whether to reply to this, but ultimately decided that it would be for the best. I'm sure many of my followers are wondering the same thing and what it means.

The truth is, we're married now. I finally wooed her with my charm.

@sophieinwonderland just so you know that this is out here. I hope it's a fair response to both of us.

No, in all seriousness and honesty, I reached out to sophie because she had the largest audience and sway, and when you're so violently mean to each other, you develop a special bond. It's been... jeez, monthsss since I interacted with sophie directly. I don't know if Sophie will agree, but I think we had a habit of getting each other going, with more ridiculous posts on each side the longer the spats went on. I think the fact that we both left each other alone for so long was really good for both of us, and over that time, as much as sophie saw changes in me, I saw them in her. I found that when she wasn't being an inflammatory twot (/aff) and stayed away from the tulpa-language debate, I agreed more and more with some of her posts. She's really been doing good work with the stuff on reddit-- the RAMCOA deniers and fdc.

And what kind of person would I be if I didn't give her the same chance that she and her followers gave me?

Yeah, she's done some really shitty things, but so have I, just to different demographics (? Does that make sense??).

As well, reconciliation and interaction doesn't mean total support. I'm sure I have beliefs that sophie doesn't support. I'm sure sophie will reblog posts of mine that she agrees with, and skip the ones she doesn't like, and I'll do the same.

All that said, let's get a bit more specific.

The post linked in the ask. I am going to link it so that people can make their own informed decision. I think, though, that most of you reading this answer lived through all of that, experiencing each event first hand as it unfolded. Many people have issues with other events not listed. I can't cover everything. Again, interaction doesn't mean total support, and I can decide at any point to step back in support.

So.

Tulpamancy: I'm white as shit. I made my posts about the topic, and I reblogged everything I could in support of changing the language. I will continue to support changing language. This is a topic that is so much bigger than me, though. That's not to say I don't want to try and that I won't support efforts, but... I think the easiest way to explain this point is to use an example-- that it's not feasible to block and refuse to engage with people using the language. However, in those interactions, I can advocate where possible, and not interact with content I don't agree with.

Therians: I'm going to be super honest... I don't know what that is. I especially don't know how it relates to zoophiles. I do remember there being a lot of talk about this, I remember reading what people were saying and Sophie's response, but... I think the only thing I can pull specifically to mind was reading her response and going,

I really can't comment on this. I don't think that having sex with a therian is the same as having sex with an animal?? If you were hurt by something, obviously I support you.

Dissociative disorders: again, I've been watching her grow. I think she's been doing a lot more research as she's been battling fdc and it really shows. She made a post recently about whether DID could happen without trauma and I think I even agreed with it-- something about rare, fringe cases being inevitable in all things, and I was like, you know, I can agree with that. That's a good, happy medium. It's a far cry from what she used to say. I'm seeing a lot more respect about the topic and research, I see better advice to her followers. I want to give her a chance on this front.

[thevideogameshutterbug]

Marvel's Spider-Man 2 (PS5) Thoughts - Beginning At The End

No photos this time (I might add a few later). But I've got a lot of thoughts (and photos) about this game now that I'm finishing it up, but I just got finished my last sidequest in the postgame and I wanted to gush about it.

Spoilers, by the by. Quite a few of them.

----

The Mysteriums were a lopsided a pain the ass but man am I glad I saved this quest for last.

I've been thinking a lot about how much this game seeks to embody why Peter's beliefs in having empathy for the people he fights and getting to know who these villains are as people matters, and this quest - as well as Quentin Beck's final words to cap off the story - are such a perfect capper to that.

Nothing is as it seems, especially when you look at heroes and villains. Anything can change for anybody faster than you could ever realize it. When you take the masks off, it's all people making decisions. A good person can go down a dark path, a bad person can decide they no longer want to be that person any more. Not everyone is going to, but it's important to know that such a thing is always possible.

Heck, this game has an almost ''unprecedented'' number of reformed villains for a superhero franchise: Sandman, Mysterio, Tombstone, Mr. Negative, Prowler technically Lizard, all people who understand they did wrong and whose only motivation now is trying to make their way in the world going forward.

Jonah has a podcast early in the game where he insists that people never really change (about either Sandman or Lizard, iirc), advocating for criminals to be just kept in prison in perpetuity (which, I like this version of Jonah, but goddamn is he hard to like sometimes). Wraith advocates just killing these guys because naturally they're never going to change and they might as well be removed from the equation. And naturally, Symbiote Peter eventually starts considering the idea that maybe the best way forward is just to kill everybody who could be a threat.

But this game doesn't just counterpoint that by having its ultimate evolution be monstrous like most superhero works: instead, this game makes a strong point of why that mentality doesn't work - this is a fantasy story, but it's also a good point for real life.

Coming from a law family where I had a lot of interaction with formerly incarcerated people, and living in an inner city relationship where - again - anything can happen to skew a person's life in ways nobody thought they would go, it's not just a more realistic point - it's an essential point: people always change, and any belief otherwise is just an excuse not to examine the world around oneself. They can change for the worse, they can change for the better, or just kind of laterally shift, but they always change. A failure to recognize it is a failure of the self, not the other.

There's a strong trend of former villains in this game being taken advantage of by other villains, with the new villains doing so with the expectation that nobody will come to the former villains' aid, trust them, or aid them in any way (Mysterio's partners try to frame him, Tombstone and Negative get abducted by people who were sure no one would come for them, Sandman gets driven mad and dumped onto the city to be tossed into prison). And it's absolutely amazing to be Spider-Man in this game and be the one who fights tirelessly for everybody, even the people who have spurned their chances before, because that's who Spider-Man is.

Even if their stories still don't always end positively. Because it's still the right thing to do it, and it's a worse crime to stop.

Man, I love Spider-Man.

As a final note, I especially like that none of the former villains really expect to be forgiven and several never are. This might be the philosopher in me talking, but it's not in forgiveness that one finds redemption, but in the capacity of change in and of itself.

[logicmaru]

i love how ranmaru kageyama is doomed by the narrative from the very fucking beginning and i hope his minisode is even more miserable.

warning i'm gonna talk a lot. ranmaru is very blatantly described as a boring guy, who's underneath the average height for guys, doesn't have any notable likes or dislikes, unless you count his hatred for happy couples + people who are happy in general, which ngl comes into play later

i'm gonna try and explain this as simply as i can bc if i try to word it like an essay i'll confuse myself aha,,,,

it kind of shows us that ranmaru can get jealous pretty easily? and he's upset at the kind of trust keiji and sara share, even though he probably knows that's because they've known each other longer than sara's known ranmaru, but it probably still pisses ranmaru off idk

he wants to prove himself to sara, even though sara already sees him as something alike to an ally, but he wants something more than that. in the logic sara deleted scene, ranmaru states that he would want to be sara's best friend, and he admits how wants to go home with her and laugh casually over jokes together and treat life like nothing's wrong

i like to believe this was deleted because it would be ooc for ranmaru, that he would probably be very reluctant of sharing such an ideal with sara, and him suddenly spilling about wanting to be sara's friend in one moment would probably cause more shock factor, and not do much good for the lore, idk it just seems very "ah omg" and less "how interesting"

i really love how ranmaru is. not a good person. i know how strange that sounds, but ranmaru is, kind of, in a way, a support character for sara. And u would think, well support character, must be someone kindhearted and encouraging, right? well, in ranmaru's case, yes, but no?? he's more like "i will go to lengths for your survival, you NEED to win" instead of "you got this! i'll help you escape!" and it's somewhat refreshing? i'm not sure maybe i'm just not normal

anyway enough about evil ranmaru, emotion ranmaru is just very Sad, and again, doomed by the narrative

he doesn't get any kind of character development iirc, in the infamous ransara "win for me" scene, he just talks about how he knew this was going to be a bad idea, and how he has no right to be sara's friend, but from that point on, we don't get any remarkable moment where ranmaru gets some sort of character redemption, and instead we get a moment where ranmaru AGAIN goes through with some sort of wild plan to make sure sara escapes, which is erasing his personality / replacing it with the joe ai's personality.

gosh, if ur friends with me, u probably know how i love and hate this part of the game, mostly because of how interesting it is and how it could've fleshed out into a whole other issue, but i dislike how it's totally overshadowed by both the fandom and the game itself

sara herself doesn't seem to react too strongly by ranmaru's choice to erase himself to become a "vessel" for joe's personality, which really i'd love to explain but honestly idk,,, i definitely thought there'd be a bigger deal about it, but perhaps it was overruled since the modified maple boss fight was literally like,, moments after that

in emotion route, ranmaru shares little to no information with anyone, though he does come close when he tries to tell sara, which he does successfully tell sara about the asunaro human in the group, but i believe that is the only moment where ranmaru goes "sara, hold on" and actually tells sara about what he was actually going to say, which, on one hand, had me on the edge of my seat, but on the other hand, was nice to see since it was really showing how untrusting and reserved ranmaru is, no matter how much he trusts sara, he's not entirely sure if she trusts him in return, or if he trusts sara to not share this information with anyone else

i love ranmaru kageyama

[notasapleasure]

WIP ask meme

@stripedroseandsketchpads tagged me in this. And oh my god. If you think there are Too Many Words in the fic I publish, you should see my poor notes app. Here is a sneak peek of its contents. I haven't edited for brevity/those I'm actively working on, these are just all the unfinished files I could find. Some I don't intend to do any more with, others I'd really like to pick up again. The only ones being actively worked on right now are the Andor Saga AU and the first one on the list for Andor.

I put ALL the Lymond I could find in mainly for @oughtaagh who has been leaving the most lovely comments on my Lymond fics that I have totally failed to respond to. I'm sorry! I will cycle back round to Lymond one day, it's inevitable <3

Tagging uh.... @distressednoise, @r0b0tb0y, @faceofpoe, @donnaimmaculata, @batri-jopa, @elwenyere, @notabuddhist and anyone else who wants to say I tagged them! Also sorry if you'd already been tagged, I'm not keeping up with the dash very well at the moment!

Anyway please send me asks/comments/cease and desist orders about these. xxx

ANDOR

C: We decided we were thirsty, and you wanted to go to Cavo's. As yet untitled Brassian alternative scene - what if instead of a great collaborative cover story this was a great collaborative fuck? Almost(?) finished?

Saga AU pt 2. This actually does have a working title of 'The Bear and the Berserk' but this doc is just a short bullet point list of plot things for a specific part of the fic.

Cassian pov. It's a Cassian pov chapter! For...drumroll...the first chapter of the Saga AU pt 2! The rest is going to be back to Brasso FPN. The file actually includes a rough first draft of chapter 2, as well.

"You're up early this morning," Bix says lightly. A follow-up chapter to Only Ever Just One Night started back when I had epic plans for continuing this, bringing in Cinta and Vel and Luthen, whumping the hell out of Brasso, and having Cassian rescue him. This is just one scene of awkward conversation with tea though.

Oh god it developed Plot. Related to the previous chapter - a bullet-pointed list of things that might have happened in this fic I Wil Not Write (not least as I'd rather just see what happens in S2 first anyway).

AND THEN WE DANCED

It was a sunny day in Batumi... Patchy few paragraphs of the next chapter of Inchoate.

Plannnnns (again). Plans for how Inchoate would/will continue.

THE LYMOND CHRONICLES

Canon-verse/other AUs

Multiple pieces of follow-up to The next man with a ladder, Danny/Jerott post-canon: It was dark when they rode into the port town... [Chapter 3, basically done, plus most of Chapter 4 but it devolves into broken paragraphs at the end]. "I'm going to the other bed," Danny said in a voice like someone was standing on his throat... [??? there's loads of this written! This is the file where they Get Down To It] Stitch the scenes together [a few paragraphs in which I hoped to make a logical leap from Chapter 4 to fucking, but seemingly never quite got there].

Lymondar saga draft. Actually two files of the abortive first effort at writing a saga AU. I was trying much harder to write in saga style and playing with lacunae in a way that was fun for me but exceedingly nerdy. I think I found the idea more fun than the execution, too.

St Seb. Remember ages ago when I was writing a post-canon 'Jerott gets shot full of arrows and has to admit his feelings because he thinks he's gonna die' fic? This is the file! Some bullet points and some text, some of which I even posted as Sunday sixes way back when iirc.

Fait prosperer qui n'est à croire vain. Fuck me, there's LOADS of this. Pawn in Frankincense/Ringed Castle AU where Marthe steals Lymond's ride with Kiaya Khatun and persuades her they should take over Russia together. Meanwhile Francis is left with Jerott. Hahaha. It kept getting longer because Francis kept trying to escape and I kept finding ways to drag him back, but the 'and now kiss!!' with the two of them behaving in character was just not coming easily.

Francis Crawford's Holistic Inquisition Agency. I wrote this??? One chapter of a Lymond/Dirk Gently AU, where Francis is obviously Dirk and Jerott is a furious/bemused Todd.

She tried every instrument, she redrew every chart. A few short chapters, never finished, of Marthe wrestling with her role in canon and her fate as assigned by La Dame. A couple more paragraphs of a similar sort of thing in Volos.

Malta. Half-arsed few paragraphs of wondering how Jerott would cope with meeting a fellow Knight being imprisoned for sodomy.

Band AU (my 1980s rock band AU for the series, see also @theartistknownaslymond)

Au of an Au. What if, after the Battle of the Bands at Solway, Jerott went to stay at the Edinburgh townhouse for a while and he and Francis got to collaborating in the shed? There's quite a lot of this and it's quite fluffy.

Out out out! The band celebrate Thatcher's downfall. Happy epilogues for everyone! However it's an epic task trying to do all the characters justice, so I was trying to write it as vignettes to match each song on the playlist. Six-ish are written. And earlier draft with plan for characters intercting is in Ding dong the witch is dead.

Jerott/Marthe - four times it just about worked, one time it really didn't. What it says on the tin? aka you just know Jerott has said 'Francis' instead of Marthe at least once when he comes. Only the beginning of the first time exists in this chapter, but I think I explored the idea elsewhere, whenever I dig up that file...

DWTH missing scene. Jerott/OC missing scene from Don't wake the house. Not finished, probably not going to be finished. I think I have enough Jerott smut on the go.

Workshop. Patchy draft of pre-canon Jerott and GRM 'therapy' session in which GRM learns about Francis Crawford and what a hold he has on the boy he thought of as his own plaything. GRM doesn't like sharing.

F/P. Draft of a fluffy kiss prompt someone (@erinaceina? @notfromcold?) sent for Francis/Philippa. Post-canon pregnant Philippa and worried Francis written when it was too hot in summer. It's probably complete enough to post tbh! hmu if you want it posting.

Jerott behaving badly (again). Somehow this ended up in the 'comfortember' section of the notepad, which...no? Maybe it was intended to be originally, but it grew a life of its own. Post-canon, post split-up with the OC, pre-getting together with Danny. Joining the mile high club and regretting it, then ending up crashing at Joleta's (who he meets coincidentally at the airport, NOT who he's screwing in the airplane loo!!). It's meant to end up cathartic, but didn't get finished :') I'm actually really pleased with what I have - post-canon Joleta is so much fun to write!

Somewhere (Google Drive?? an actual Word doc??) there is also loads and loads and LOADS of Pawn in Frankincense band AU around Baron Morgan's place (the Aga Morat), featuring fucked-up Francis/Morgan, fucked up Marthe/Kiaya, fucked up Francis/Kiaya, and bewildered cold turkey Jerott. There's also some Jerott/Marthe from later on.

Other

Crossover. A sequel to my ATWD fic I will shake mountains, where Merab and Irakli encounter celebrity diners in the restaurant they work in: respected musician Francis Crawford and friends take the boys for a drink and share queer/artistic inspiration/history with them. There's quite a lot written but I couldn't quite manage to finish it off.

St Mary's. Another ATWD/Lymond crossover, placing Merab and Irakli among the mercenaries of St Mary's. Mostly bullet points.

3m. Furious that there was no fic for the film Three Months I decided to jot down a scene I wanted to see afterwards. I wrote four lines and cannot remember what my plan was at all.

[wraith-caller]

Hi, Wraith! Lemme just start by saying that I ADORE your lore posts. Your mind is incredible and I love reading your thoughts, speculations, extrapolations, etc. Which brings me to a question I’m dying to hear your thoughts for: How did Iji die? I’ve been scouring Reddit and any other forums I can find and everything I’ve found is cyclical non-answers. The obvious answer is Black Knives- because their bodies are scattered around him. This tracks because Blaidd, when you find him in front of Ranni’s Rise, is also surround by Black Knife corpses. However, this does NOT track for several reasons. First: Iji is drenched in black flame, a sorcery (power?) used by the Godskins, not the Black Knives. I’ve seen lots of people say it’s probably just an oversight on FromSoft’s part. Altogether possible, but would make me sad and I deeply want to believe it’s intentional. Second: The Black Knives are (were?) RANNI’S assassin’s. While she’s self-serving and stone-cold, she claims to love Blaidd and Iji (and tells you to tell them). I find it hard to believe she’d have them killed. MAYBE if they were only found near Blaidd (in preparation for his coming madness), I could buy it, but I’m not sure I can get onboard as it stands. Now I did find two interesting thoughts. One, someone said the Nox were recruited as the Black Knives and turned on Ranni when she killed her own body, because the plan was only to kill Godwyn and plant one of their own on the throne. I’ve never seen or found anything in my own playthroughs to support or indicate this, but it would make a lot of sense. Two, and I feel that this hinges heavily on one, someone soeculated that Gideon killed Iji. They pointed out that he uses black flame sorceries, and he definitely tries to kill any threats to his ascent to lordship. Anyway, this got WAY longer than I meant for it to be. But IF it’s a topic that interests you, I’d love to hear your thoughts! (And if not, no problem at all!) There’s definitely plenty I don’t know/understand and if I’m incorrect in any of my points above, I’d be really interested in knowing what I’m missing. I feel obligated to sign this, too, since it got away from me 😂😅 -nightingale-ghost-writer

@nightingale-ghost-writer sorry to answer this way, tumblr's not cooperating with answering asks lol. Hi!! Thank you for the kind words haha I'm happy my ramblings are of interest to others! I do hope you really enjoy a ramble bc your question sorta set me off on one here lol

I've thought about Iji's death now and then, and found some of the same answers you did about the black flame effect around his body. It may simply be a mistake by the devs like people frequently say. Especially since, iirc, there's no deathflame animation analogous to the blackflame one left on Iji. It could have been a 'close enough' kind of thing, which yeah I agree would ultimately be disappointing! However someone in this reddit thread had something interesting to point out:

"There's a weird detail, possibly an oversight: if you use a Blade of Death weapon art (for example Maliketh's Black Blade or the Gargoyle's Black Blade) on a troll, the effect looks like black flame rather than the usual red and black flame. I doubt there's a lore reason, but maybe something about how that enemy type is coded causes that effect to appear like black flame, and that also extended to Iji who uses the same model."

I haven't tested this myself, but if it's true, it lends more support to the idea it's just an unintentional effect. However, in that same thread, a few folks point out that Godskins were spotted in various places relevant to Destined Death - in the Volcano Manor and Divine Tower of Liurnia. Rykard has a piece of the Death rune, and Ranni's corpse is on the tower, along with her cursemark. It may be that they are searching for the Rune of Death themselves. Their presence in Farum Azula may suggest they were seeking to free the rune and restore the true power of the Black Flame. So while I still believe it's the Black Knife assassins who killed Iji, I suppose there is room to argue the Godskins have a stake in his death, too, in that Iji stands between them and Ranni.

While the Black Knife assassins worked with Ranni, I'm not sure that they were necessarily under her command. I think they collaborated as they both thought they could benefit from each other. Ranni would get to shed her flesh through the ritual, and the assassins of the Eternal Cities, who have beef with the Golden Order, get to strike down one of the GOs most shining and noble icons and throw the world into chaos. As you've said, they have their own agenda with ushering in the Lord of Night, who may either be an outer god or an envoy/vassal to one. This Lord may also have some connection with Ranni's Black Moon and, strangely enough, the Tibia Mariners who, in Japanese, are referred to as "Night King's Kin"(more info in this Zullie video here). The Mariners hold deathroot and raise up Those Who Live in Death, so I have been under the impression they only came into being after Godwyn's curse spread, which is of course a direct consequence of the assassination.

So while Ranni and the Assassins stood to gain from each other in this plot, their ultimate goals are sort of actually at odds. Ranni, while devoted to her Black Moon, seeks to remove the influence of Outer Gods from TLB and leave everyone to their own devices. Meanwhile, the Nox/Assassins are seeking to deliver a new one to the throne. We see indications of this struggle in Alecto's imprisonment in the evergaol at the Moonlight Altar and, if you are partial to the theory that Miquella collaborated with Ranni, in Ordina. Then there's the further evidence of the Assassins coming for Ranni's group to kill Blaidd and Iji. So I agree, I don't think Ranni had Iji killed. Like you, I could potentially see her ordering them to kill Blaidd, as she knew he'd be fated to try to destroy her. While it is cold and calculating, she does express her sympathy for him. But she is ultimately dedicated to sacrificing everything to achieve her goals. When we do find Blaidd with the dead assassins, he's not saying anything about them. He's frantically denying that he could be a danger to Ranni, as if their attack on him is connected to that. So I do see how people could connect the assassins coming for him with them being ordered by her to kill him.

But then we get into the matter of why they'd be ordered to kill Iji, and I just can't think of a good one. He's clear-minded, and not fated to betray her in the way Blaidd is as her shadowbound beast. I've seen people claim it's a matter of 'tying up loose ends' but I can't imagine in what way he'd be a 'loose end' given that he's entirely faithful to her. Loose ends are tied up because they pose a threat. What threat is Iji to Ranni and her goals if he is emphatically supporting her to the very end? And then when I think of Alecto in the evergaol, I'm really inclined to believe it's purely a matter of bad blood between Ranni's group and the assassins after the conspiracy was through. It may even be that we led them to her, as her whereabouts were previously unknown until we found her(though you'd hope people would uh check her home before declaring her missing?? lol).

That being said, I kind of like your idea about Gideon's involvement. Some elements of that make sense. I'm not sure how much he knows of Ranni, since he says they don't actively seek her out due to her having cast off her rune. While he generally seems to send lackeys to go do his dirty work, the Carian Manor could be a pit stop he made on the way into Leyndell. He may have somehow or other learned of Ranni's whereabouts, learned she was behind the conspiracy, but what I struggle with is him learning her motivation for it. She reveals this to us only after we've spent some time in her service. So did Gideon suspect her of being after the throne? Would he have known she wanted to rid the world of all the troubling influences of the Outer Gods? If he did, would that be much of a threat to his desire to become a lord? While he wouldn't be an Elden Lord, there'd still be power to be had in a world without the Golden Order. And the power vacuum left in the wake of Ranni achieving her goals would seem like a good opportunity for him to position himself in a leadership role. But I'll be honest, I don't fully understand him and his revelations about Marika's will, and how that effects his perspective. By the end of it he seems to think vying for Elden Lord is a futile struggle and that the whole thing is just a meat grinder that Tarnished are being fed into. So does he even still want that power by the end, if he believes it to be utterly unobtainable? Still, it's not entirely unbelievable that he would eliminate potential threats to that power before he comes to that fatalistic conclusion.

Okay, anyway, I hope all of this makes some sense!! Thanks for the interesting ask and for sharing your theories about this strange little mystery!!!

[max-imumbooks]

Renegades Thoughts

Spoilers ahead!

----

There are things I really enjoyed about Renegades. It's just that it's shortcomings kind of overwhelm everything else. Like, they have the perfect characters to carry a truly interesting story right there, and they chose to just... not. I saw so much potential as the books progressed that every refusal to go down an untraveled road just got me more and more frustrated.

Adrian's and Nova's team members are adorable and convincingly normal. Unlike the adult superheroes, the patrol team are all teenagers who could be anyone's brother, anyone's sister. They're people first and foremost. AND they have cool and unique superpowers! Girl who can transform into a swarm of butterflies, anyone? And being one of the most badass heroes among them? And Adrian brings his drawings to reality, which doesn't seem all that valuable in combat on the surface, but in execution lends Adrian a versatility that others don't have.

As far as the plot goes, the fact that the story plays with superhero archetypes meant that I was looking for a predictable/archetypal story structure. In my head, it should have gone thus: Book 1 = ends with Nova being found out, Book 2 = consists of heroes vs villains with Nova and Adrian on opposite sides, and Book 3 = Nova and Adrian realizing the hero/villain conflict of their parents' generation doesn't have to be their story, and find a way to come back together to navigate a path of their own, joined by others their age from both sides.

That's not what I got.

I read these all back to back, so it all kind of runs together in my brain (especially since I listened on audiobook), but iirc Nova isn't even suspected until Book 3, and even though she's arrested, she's ultimately acquitted in short order. She's not TRULY found out until the finale.

The FINALE.

She then proceeds to stand by while Adrian is quite literally tortured, flayed even, with hardly a word of protest. It turned my stomach to know that this girl I've come to enjoy so much suddenly lacked any spine whatsoever, and it was enough for me to feel like Adrian's quick forgiveness after wasn't actually earned. Nova ends the story still in a moral deficit, which was kind of lazy. Like-- why.

I also expected Nova to grow into her own identity, as she starts of executing someone else's plan to infiltrate the Renegades, and then ends up crafting her own plan when she's suddenly required to maintain the facade longer than expected. In my mind, I expected her to actually take on a role of authority, but any time she's undermined or in conflict with other villains she shrinks back into obedience. When she finally acts to her own morals, it's not because she's grown and gained unique experiences, but because it turns out her uncle lied to her about the deaths of her parents and baby sister Evie.

Speaking of, what REALLY gets my goat is that the most interesting twist on the story, the thing that would have 100% redeemed this story if it had been explored in the main text, happens in the EPILOGUE.

See, there's this character we meet in the same scene we meet Nova. Nova is on the street during a parade, and a young pickpocket tries to steal her bracelet-- the last token Nova has of her parents, her most prized possession. The pickpocket turns out to be Maggie, codename Magpie, a Renegade who has a talent for identifying and unearthing valuable items. From then on, Nova positively loathes Maggie, and the feeling is mutual. They hate each other's guts, and can barely be in the same room without fighting each other.

It's actually quite refreshing that Nova doesn't suddenly lapse into mother mode, as other stories may be wont to do. Two girls hate each other-- it happens! And it's 100% in character on both girls' parts.

But here's the thing: in the finale, Maggie is revealed to be Evie. You know, Nova's murdered baby sister whose death motivates every one of Nova's actions for three whole novels? Yeah. That Evie. No one knows, not even them. Maggie was delivered to an orphanage as an infant, after her parents were found murdered and her older sister missing, never to be heard from again. Maggie grew up hoping that her sister would re-appear and claim her, but she's abandoned that dream-- she's far too cynical and streetwise for that.

But imagine. If the story had let Maggie and Nova learn the truth... How would they reconcile? Would they believe it? Would they eventually come together and love each other like they always dreamed of doing? THAT would have been 100% more compelling than the lukewarm commentary of the hero/villain dichotomy that we got. That could have easily been the main focus of Book 3.

Ugggggggghhhhh... it makes me want to tear my hair out.

Especially because there's been no mention of Marissa Meyer of returning to the world of Renegades.

On a side note, as a kid I had a habit of fancasting the characters in almost every book I read. I've mostly grown out of that, but this series did have a character (Nova's uncle) that instantly put an actor in my head-- Phil LaMarr, who I know predominantly as Malefic J'onzz in CW's Supergirl. Nova's uncle Ace had such a distinct presentation and delivery that LaMarr's face was the only thing that popped into my brain. (And in casting LaMarr, it would suggest that Nova would be black or at least mixed race, which opens up a whole world of wonderful casting choices.)

So-- yeah. Any story where the most interesting and compelling plot twist happens in the epilogue is certainly on the struggle bus.

[meirimerens]

I love your headcanons/stories about Daniil's mom, as well as the art you've made of her! I was actually wondering if you had any thoughts about Daniil's dad. We at least know that he was a military man and wanted the same for his son but that's about it

i've talked about him a bunch scattered across like seven trillion dankovsky lore posts (mostly about how he reacted to his son being gay + the slow acceptation of it until he offered him a chokha as a university-going gift in a meaning of You Might Be Gay. But You're Still My Masculine Man Son + being kinda. Afraid of his son's boyfriend until the boyfriend becomes interested in his + dankovsky's shared beetles collection and he's like mmmmmh maybe he's a good guy actually) but i have a few other things... come here [grabs you]

dankovsky's dad's side of the family To Meeee is georgian [hence. daniil mikheilovich [georgian romanization] and not mikhailovich [russian romanization]] but has been in russia for longer than his mom's side has been. on mom's side i think either her parents or grandparents emigrated, on dad's side i think it's been longer; hence why the paternal last name eventually became. i don't know what word to choose. "assimilated" maybe? like a fully russian last name came into the picture [and then was passed down to dankovsky] instead of daniil's mom's maiden name that is still armenian. i think the dad's side of the family still stayed within georgian/caucasian communities for a bit, mostly mingling and bonding with other emigrants, keeping in touch with the culture of their country of origins, and that's probably in one of them that daniil's mommy and daddy met

i think he's also kind of a small guy like dankovsky. i see dankovsky as 170cm [1cm taller than in p1 (bc i need mark to be the 169cm he is i think it's funny) but also 13cm smaller than in p2 lol] his mom to meee is 155cm so teeny weeny but i think he doesn't just have that from her i think his dad is also like. either 171cm or 169cm idk who i see as being taller on here

i think he can grow a meeeaaaan fucking beard actually i had taken this image [the man iirc is armenian but i'm going purely off of vibes]

as a ref for dankovsky's dad's portrait when i drew daniil's apartment scene so i think dad can grow that type of beard. (i think daniil also Can he just refuses to do so he likes to be clean-shaved.) he'd be really proud of his big beard i think it's a great deal about his own masculinity and power to him.

he was [canon lore] a military man who truly tried to make a military man out of his son. in my mind it was also a way to try to counterbalance a certain like. Overcompensating. for his son being gay. i've written it more but tldr for a lot of fathers, their son being gay is an attack on their own masculinity/sexuality because they see the son as an extension of themselves, and i think dankovsky's father tried to make him a military man both because he thought he'd do good + it'd offer him an honorable life, because he saw dankvsky as an extension of himself as dads do and wanted to share this with him, AND because he thought teaching him to fight and shoot a gun would like compensate for the Gay Thing. now dankovsky's still gay but a fucking menace and sharp shooter to boot

i think he has a certain like. roughness that came with the time period right like a hold (and wish to hold) on masculinity which maybe made him a bit... not unkind, but unsweet. a bit emotionally reserved, but as like A Man Thing unfortunately. he was a little distant towards dankovsky as he grew up and The Gay Thing became obvious, but has had to like. kind of suck it up and live with it. he's re-grown closer just before he left for uni. i think he would mellow in the company of horses (i think he truly liked horses + maybe even was cavalry) and shared his love of them with his son teaching him to ride + mellow and offer a sort of almost childish wonder in the collection of beetles (which dankovsky took from him as well). i think dankovsky cherishes the beetle-collecting with him because it was among the few times were dad didn't try to Compensate for him and truly let himself be a little whimsical

i think he eventually left the military, i'm thinking he could have been discharged for an injury. i also think he's still alive during the events of the game [just like his wife/dankovsky's mom], however i'm thinking he could be working away from home. mom stays home because she has health problems but i think he's a bit healthier and can travel so he can get money to support her, even if she still works on her own

i like to think he might have played an instrumence... daniil's mom i see as playing the cello [and daniil taking from her] and i'm thinking mom and dad could have met over music. he could play... maybe piano... fiddle... panduri.... makes you think. but i think he stopped as daniil was being expected + growing up because he had Military Things to do. maybe with his discharge of it he got back into it...

i think his ass cannot cook. truly i don't. i think he's a foodie and loves his treats and traditional foods but even when he puts all his heart into it. he fucks it up.

yeas... yeas we see it... THANK YOU FOR ASKING....!