spidey-official

[spidey-official]

if doc ock opens a yoga studio, i’m done. can’t compete with that kind of flexibility

[spidey-official]

villains monologue, but i ramble awkwardly. everyone’s got their strengths

[spidey-official]

iron man once told me to ‘act professional.’ so i showed up in a tie over my suit. i think i nailed it.

[spidey-official]

people always talk about hero-villain rivalries. nobody mentions my arch-nemesis: tangled earbuds

[spidey-official]

some people fight with swords. i fight with puns. i’d argue my weapon’s deadlier

[spidey-official]

sometimes i feel like i’m a mix of 'friendly neighborhood spider-man' and 'chronically exhausted spider-man'

[spidey-official]

i was surprised when you told me you knew what a shower was. that speaks volumes on your stench

the web shooter design isn’t even the hard part. it’s getting web fluid stains out of my mask. rip laundry day

[spidey-official]

the web shooter design isn’t even the hard part. it’s getting web fluid stains out of my mask. rip laundry day

[spidey-official]

if i had a dollar for every villain who called me 'insect,' i'd retire early and move to florida. no, wait, scratch that. somewhere spider-free

[spidey-official]

"with great power comes great responsibility" but does responsibility pay for takeout? no. no it does not.

[spidey-official]

fighting for my life out here and the nyc pigeons STILL act like they own the place

[spidey-official]

eventually all roads lead back to me drawing spiderman fanart 😭

[spidey-official]

it’s always the quietest nights when some guy with a fishbowl on his head decides to ruin your evening

[spidey-official]

caught the lizard trying to escape through the sewers. do you know how bad sewer webs smell? do NOT recommend

[spidey-official]

not to brag, but i’ve dodged more shoes thrown by angry citizens than actual villain attacks

[spidey-official]

someone just asked me if i could talk to spiders. like... no, dude. if i could, i'd tell them to pay rent.

[spidey-official]

hey spiderman you yanked my car door off to throw at a robber are you gonna pay me back for that

chkkttt sorry you're chkkkkk breaking up kkkkkttch chhhkkkk