#but if you have genuine good faith questions thats fine

[oopsallfictives]

I feel like sysmedicalism gets boiled down to just being anti-endo, and that's not really even the core of their beliefs. That's definitely a big part of it, but it's more of a side effect of their core beliefs. Those beliefs are:

Plurality only exists in the context of DID and similar disorders

Those disorders only ever happen as the result of trauma

Both the above points have been scientifically proven

Psychiatrists who study/treat DID, as well as the ISSTD, are more trustworthy than anyone claiming their personal experiences fall outside of what they believe "real DID" looks like

The only one of those that even might be true is the second, but I have no idea if it is or not, and it would be irresponsible to make the claim that it is without proof (correlation isn't proof, that's literally the first lesson in statistics). But what I want to focus on is the last point, because I think it explains everything else

People with DID/OSDD/etc have pretty much always been fighting an uphill battle against the general public's disbelief. This worsened significantly in the 90s. DID (then called MPD) got swept up into the Satanic Panic, and when aspects of that were disproven, everything else that got lumped in with it was assumed to be equally false. On top of that, there was a high-profile lawsuit against Bennett Braun (psychiatrist and founding member of the ISSTD) that alleged some pretty horrific abuse against a woman who claimed she was misdiagnosed and never had MPD/DID in the first place

This split the discourse. Some people condemned Braun and his associates for their treatment of their patients, and claimed that MPD/DID was made up. This is why the name was changed to DID, btw. The chair of the DSM-IV task force didn't believe it was real. On the other side of things, there were people who believed it was real, and therefore assumed everything being said about Braun and others was made up. There were some people, like those who were abused as "treatment" for MPD/DID, who believed that both plurality and the abuse were real, but they were largely ignored or silenced

Nowadays the issue is mostly simplified into "is DID real or not?". However, the idea that criticizing the ISSTD/psychiatrists who treat DID is the same as siding with the people who don't believe in it lingers. For many people newly diagnosed or discovering the online community and their place in it for the first time, these clinicians seem to be the only ones who believe their experiences are real. On top of that, there's a societal belief that being a doctor gives someone the authority to speak on medical issues in a way that being a patient doesn't. This goes doubly for anything mental health related. So these systems latch onto the ISSTD/psychiatrists and uncritically buy into everything they say (or what a game of twitter discourse telephone claims they say), even if it doesn't make sense, or if the proof just isn't there

So when they lash out at endogenic systems, or systems who claim to be people instead of parts, or any system that doesn't fit their idea of "real DID', it's because they see us as threats to their legitimacy. They think we can only be taken seriously if we go along with what the ISSTD claims. But this community has decades worth of very real reasons not to trust the psychiatrists making those claims

If you're a system whose beliefs align with the bullet points above, and you're starting to doubt the ISSTD (or even just some individual psychiatrists) because of the McLean video, take some time to look a little deeper. Look up what Bennett Braun got sued for malpractice for at least 11 times over (but be prepared, it will be triggering, it's some fucked up shit). Look up other prominent psychiatrists in this area, see how many of them have had accusations of abuse leveled against them. Try this video on Onno van der Hart, the primary contributer to the ToSD as it applies to DID (TW psychiatric abuse). And if you're starting to realize that perhaps they can't be trusted to be correct about everything, maybe it's time to consider what else they've said that's wrong

-Oliver (he/him)

P.S. If you're a dick on this post you'll be blocked on sight

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

Why you care so much about what feyre and her stans are doing🤔

you know, im actually very glad you sent this in anon, though i know it wasn't sent in good faith. when i say feyre 'stans' - i am being 100% sarcastic. my argument is that i don't believe the people who peddle the idea that they hold feyre to be first actually believe that ideal. i also believe they end up purposely derailing actual conversations about abuse, feminism, and racism bc they don't want to actual critique rhys, so they end up selling much more intentional bs to avoid the conversations all together,

as to why that matters - i can explain.

(1) i think a lot of people who work under the idea that they like feyre 'first' believe that a female perspective = feminist. in theory, i believe a lot of rhys stans subconsciously (or consciously) understand that his actions are villainous (to some capacity). like they do understand that there's only so far they can actually support sexual assault. i think a lot of people use feyre to circumvent this issue: if feyre agrees or even likes the abuse, then it cancels out the implication of the it. and this partially because the book flocks to do the same thing - it never introspects about what x character's actions say about them as a character. think about it - even if we work with the idea that rhys doesn't enjoy the abuse he put feyre through, going as far as to reiterate that he feels shame -- we have to question why the story responds to that with plainly stating that feyre actually enjoyed the abuse and/or felt genuine attraction rhys in those moments. because then it (a) removes the idea of moral-greyness; rhysand never has to reflect because the story always believes he secretly justified. (b) there should still be a conversation about what that means. the mating bond operates as both a justification and a rebuke of feysand's actions (c) it puts into question what the story is actually arguing about feyre's trauma from utm. if feyre always secretly wanted rhysand utm...so much to unpack there. we're not genuinely rebuking abuse. and that's fine if you're drawing a scene or simply entertainment - it becomes worrisome when we considered that there is a lesson being put forth.

(2) people who use feyre as the scapegoat to often time sidestep conversations. feyre's narration is only considered when it validates rhysand's abuse - other times, the idea that we should consider canon wholly (analyze the information we're given v. what we're told) becomes nonexistent. so even though feyre has reiterated her boundaries to rhysand (and even though rhys is already aware of those boundaries via his mental snooping), there still this need to 'hear things from rhys side' - even though we know what feyre choice would have been. we know that feyre would have never wanted that information kept from her. its literally been her only consistent trait- don't lie. and as i said in this post: even the act of creating the intervention undermines three books of feyre's narration cementing her boundary.

(3) 'feyre stans' often hijack the conversations; the conversation about racism (and rhys's absue) always stalls because -- AGAIN -- there's only so much analysis they can happen before you realize the problem is both sjm's ideology and her obsession w/ rhys. at some point they always end up defending sjm (and her racism and misogyny). there's a struggle between actual unpacking rhysand's action and what that means for him as a character. they do want to have the serious conversations, just not in a way that detrimental or all-encompassing. selective reading, plain and simple.

i also believe thats why there so much overblown hate for tamlin (that in my opinion, backfired terribly esp over the last three years) is merely insecurity about the problems w/ rhys's charcater. morally, there only so many conversation we can have before the weirdness rears it head. we can't argue tamlin is abusive and then in the same breadth argue for the neccessity of the same form of abuse. we can't argue that rhys is morally-grey and then ignore the greyness area. we also cannot say rhys grows as a character if we argue that he never grows from the person we met utm. we can't say that we 'recognize' he was wrong, but then constantly uplift those very moments as moments of love. we can't say sjm has racial/moral in her story and then remove how that effects more favorable characters.

[system-of-a-feather]

hi, we're scared to tell our therapist we're a system, do you know how to heal at home? half our headmates think we're faking it and most of us don't have a lot of faith in authorities of any kind, but the symptoms are so annoying :(

Three chapters to this response (not sure if its actually three or if Ill remember all three main points, I'm just being flamboyant)

Chapter One - Communicating with a Professional

Honestly? While it is totally valid and it's not something you should rush into if you don't feel safe, my best advice would be to try to work up to telling your therapist in some way or form the reality of your symptoms as they are - even if not "I am a system" but just slowly drop the mask. If you don't relate to something you said before - whether its an alter or not - its fine to say so, same with memory gaps or anything.

You don't have to state you are a system or think you have DID to explain your issues to a therapist and have the real situation handled and discussed. I understand the fakies and I also understand distrusting authorities, but they are a professional and either they should be able to appropriately handle it, or there should be someone else in their place because you deserve care that you are capable of genuinely expressing your issues in so that you can address those issues.

DID recovery and treatment can be really difficult and sometimes dangerous without guidance so before anything else, I really would recommend trying to figure out a way you can at least communicate some of the aspects of the symptoms that are bothering you to your therapist and giving them a chance (unless there is a reason other than general distrust, to which if there is, then thats another story)

Chapter Two - The Fakies

TOTALLY understandable, been there done that (not meant to be disregarding) and honestly getting through the fakies is a journey in its own - but in regards to that specific topic, I did want to say some food for thought that might be unpopular, but honestly?

Who cares if you are faking.

Genuinely. I don't even mean "are confused" but like, actually genuinely trying to force yourself to present as separate people to cope with whatever you've been through. What are you doing that's so horrible? As long as you aren't spewing dangerous miss information, if it helps you, I really honestly don't care nor do I think its my business to tell you to stop (within the realm of dangerous topics and safety).

And to be honest? Any good therapist shouldn't care either.

If you are faking, you have something you are trying to cope with and are not doing well - you still have an issue to address and you are allowed to go through the phases of healing. If you aren't faking but feel like you are faking, you still have something to work through. Discussing your symptoms as they are will eventually get you down to the root of whatever is going on and you'll either outgrow it and find better coping mechanisms, or you won't and you'll get your real issue handled.

Personally, realizing that even if I was 'faking' - as long as I wasn't spreading harmful information - there was literally no real genuine moral consequence or whatever to expressing my mental illness in a form like DID really let me stop worrying about it.

If you are faking, what does that REALLY change? If you are confused, what does that REALLY change? If you are a system, what does that REALLY change? In the end you still have an issue that needs to be talked about and worked through and healing and recovery is a process that is going to be worth it albeit ugly in the process cause healing is Just Like That.

I really hate the notion "You would know it if you are faking" and "If you question if you are faking, you aren't" cause that shit just doesn't help cause as someone who was there, you just go "yeah deep down I do know" and it just makes shit worse. I prefer "if you are faking its whatever, what harm are you doing to any one in the NOT ONLINE world"

If your symptoms are distressing you as they are, they are distressing you and you have a right to mention it. The only difference is where the root stands when you investigate it professionally.

Chapter Three - Answering the Damn Question

Anyways, to answer the main question asked, assuming we take this ask and question's preface as unchanging unfixable situations and you want to completely ignore everything above (fair and valid) - most of what OP and I said here would apply as it is the general theme of recovery with DID imo

Past that, I would recommend steering clear from addressing and trying to process trauma unless it come to you. I am personally of the opinion that intentionally seeking out trauma processing without a professional to help you when you have DID can be a risky game to play and as someone that's done a lot of healing, it is UBER important to "clear" what is known as the Stabilization Phase before getting deep into the trauma.

The Stabilization Phase is essentially focusing on a few things:

Establishing basic self care and coping skills

Establishing something of an external support system around you

Establishing something of a stable enough living situation (or as much as you can at the moment)

Lessening stressors that you can lessen at the moment

Reviewing your current friendships, coping mechanisms, and behaviors to see what is helping you and what it hurting you

Getting to understand yourself and selves - ie knowing who you are and your skills, drives and dynamics, then having that done for a handful of regular fronters

Getting to know and building communication with parts of your system

Building trust and synergies with those parts to be able operate with them

Generally building a sense of safety within the parts internally and externally as a way to build up resilience and prepare yourself (as a whole) for stress, trials, and trauma

Typically, you would want to have a decent progress on all of those before intentionally diving into hard trauma processing and building all of that can take a while to do.

Of course this isn't to say repress trauma and trauma holding parts - if trauma comes to you, its a good opportunity to work on building that list of things as the actively surfacing trauma tends to be relevant to parts or your current living situation that could use improvement or deeper understanding of.

This is more to say to let sleeping dragons lie - ie, if the trauma doesn't come to you and isn't howling, don't wake it up. If there is no trauma, if you can't remember the trauma, cool - take it as a blessing for now and focus on understanding the big picture and helping improve your life better.

As for some ways and things to do to help build some of those?

Figure out what kinds of things you would like to do in your life or just things you would like to do in general

Figure out what matters to you, what do you value above other things

Interact with your social webs and people around you and see what works and what doesn't, what makes you feel good, what makes you feel bad, what is triggering and what isn't and work to fine tune who you spend your time around

Work on any self sufficiency stuff you are able to work on (physically, time, emotionally, etc there are limits and work with where you are)

Try to communicate with your parts and the IMPORTANT part of this is to just have fun with it. Trauma and DID is enough pain as it is, be silly, have fun, play games and try to go on dates (platonic or not) with yourself. Poke fun with yourself / among yourselves. Tease one another. Make inside jokes. BE CRINGE ITS FINE. ITS FREEING

Try to make friends with at least one part and build that relationship well and then try to branch out and keep doing this

Keep an open mind and a large amount of patience when dealing with any part - especially if they are causing problems or being Mentally Ill TM. Unforuntately most parts are going to be "stupid" in their own way and its important to accept each parts faults while focusing on their strengths

Once you know those part's strengths and weaknesses, try to lean on the unique strengths each have to cover eachother's weak points and - if possible - take a weakness and try to convert it to a strength. This varies from part to part so I can't get much more specific than that plus, honestly, Team Curation as Ray calls it is Coach Ray's job as he does most of that stuff in our brain so me talking about it is a bit abvove my pay grade

Just really

Have. Fun.

Shits bad enough and hard enough with healing and recovery. At home? Just try to enjoy the moments of peace when they come and have fun with your parts and just try to live your life when you are given breaks from the waves of symptoms.

Anyways. That's a bit of my take on the thing and some tips.

TLDR though?

Try to find a way to talk to your therapist honestly if you can, whether you are faking or not really doesn't matter in my opinion, and just have fun and live your life to the best of your ability.

[qqlettuce]

Twitter is dumb for writing longer form opinion pieces so I'm going to put this here: On Twitter there's been a lot of heated discussion over the way the IDW artists and writers handle their depictions of the characters. And if you genuinely feel they've done a disservice to them, its fine, your feelings are valid, and the point of this isn't to tell you that you're wrong and that the people working on IDW Sonic are infalible. Where I take issue is people trying to paint them as the sole destructors of this franchise. That artists like Evan Stanley are warping characters like Silver to fit their own preferences or that Ian Flynn is hellbent on destroying a well grounded world so that his visions may overtake it. I'm not being hyperbolic but during my relatively short time in this fandom I have been seeing more and more harsher statements regarding these people under the shield of "criticism". There is nothing wrong with criticism, but how can it be good faith when you're attempting to directly attack their character. You could dismiss it as just banter, but fandom in general tends to have an issue with dehumanizing creators, either by creating a boogeyman out of them or speaking of them as a monolith, and in the Sonic fandom, there's a long history of examples as how nasty this can get with people like Ken Pontac, Warren Graff, Takashi Iizuka and yes, Ken Penders. Ken Penders especially is the grand example of what can happen when this is left unvetted for so long. Is there any reason why people continue to devote so much negative energy to a man who hasn't been relevant to the series in like 20 years? Is this someone that still needs to be a butt of a joke or have hundreds of YouTube documentaries made out of them. All because he made weird hedgehog comics? I could talk about CWC as well and how the internet will never take responsibility for their fate, but that's a whole other road. Admittedly one of my initial responses to the recent discourses directed at Evan's depiction of Silver on Twitter was more emotional, but as I hinted earlier, there has been more and more targeted comments at her, and I felt it especially reached a boiling point once she confirmed on twitter that two background characters in the Trial by Fire arc were gay. Something like this a major change to the status quo of Sonic, so it's not unreasonable to think many see her as a threat to the franchise. Why all of a sudden after her many years of working on Sonic, is there so much attention being put on her like this? So far none of this has anything to do with the contents of IDW Sonic, because I feel thats not really where I take most issue with all this controversy. But I did some more thinking and I will still engage this. As far as I know, IDW Sonic is not some unmanageable operation. SEGA/Sonic Team are heavily involved in its production, as a response to what transpired with Archie Sonic. It's stories and new characters all go through a thorough vetting process, there's a lot of back forth to ensure whatever gets printed meets their apparent standards. And yes, this gets as strict as the facial expressions.

I agree that facial expressions are an integral part of understanding the soul of a character. It is something that should not be taken for granted. I personally don't feel that the artists in question break off more than what is necessary given the context of the situations and the medium of comics itself, but again, if you feel otherwise, then I don't think the blame is just solely on the artist when the approval process is this tight. People like Evan and Ian are freelancers at a third-party company handling the IP. I don't think they have as much leverage as people seem to think they do, ESPECIALLY during the early run of the comic. Again, you can say that the artists dropped the ball here, but I think SEGA had all the power to give them the appropriate notes and those artists would have complied because well... they're professional artists. And if this is something they're truly incapable of being subordinate to, then they could've been terminated from their jobs a long time ago. Now don't misconstrue this as me trying to say "WELL IF SEGA APPROVED IT, THAT MEANS ITS GOOD ACTUALLY XDDD". No actually, if SEGA approved it, and things still aren't up to par, that means there must be a systematic failure that goes down the entire line. In fact I'm willing to bet most critics would agree with that since there seems to be a sentiment that Sonic as whole has been in limbo for a very long time, it goes way beyond IDW. Games like Shadow the Hedgehog and Sonic 06 are apparently ones that Sonic Team will never be able to live down. Sonic Forces was also seen as a large failure, and as a result, demands for an actual proper game were pretty high when Frontiers was announce And then the day the IGN Gameplay footage dropped, I was demoralized to read many foul things being said about Sonic Team and Morio Kishimoto. It made shockwaves throughout the internet, with every content creator and influencer hopping on board. It wasn't just about graphical/gameplay concerns, it was straight up calling their competence into question, calling for the team to be terminated and replaced by people who could supposedly do a better job. I'm sorry, as much as I've grown to love this franchise, I can not value the perceived quality of a product over the hearts and efforts of artists who work under strenuous conditions to make it possible. People's tones have cooled since the game's release, but I don't think being "proven wrong" is what should've been required to respect these people. Hell, even YUJI UEKAWA, whose artwork is supposedly the gold standard for how Modern Sonic should be depicted, and whom many of his contemporaries are compared to, has recently been under scrutiny by fans, saying that he's become a worse artist over time. At the end of the day, remember we're talking about living breathing people. Don't turn them into scapegoats when everything about creating works is a collaborative process. There are no heroes or villains. Their humanity should be respected when critiquing their work, and the same when praising them. I don't think most people actually enjoy being put on such a high pedestal anyway.

[hot-take-tournament]

Thank you so much for putting this together, it was really fun to do. These are the best answers I could come up with:

1. In ‘what the hair’ I believe it’s Gothel in the dream sequence right? Thats such a cool way to open a show I think, it really draws to you. But it is incredibly confusing if you didn’t watch ‘before ever after’ first

2. I think in the first opening it’s 3, I’m not sure about the other two. If I’m being honest the first season is my favourite.

3. A music box is laid out and when rapunzel plays it it activates the atomatons hidden in the gift boxes.

4. Okay that’s one’s really hard, I know for a fact Varian has blue eyes and I’m pretty sure Monty does, but I really can’t hunk of anyone else. Rapunzels are Green, Eugene and Lance’s are both brown. I don’t know, Faith? Maybe Frederick but I think his are green.

5. The one in the right I think

6. If I remember correctly, which is highly unlikely, Rapunzel starts the song so I’m going to guess Eugene finishes it as a part of the little back and forth they have. I’m more of a ‘nothing less to loose guy myself’, so I don’t actually remember that song much.

7. I think it’s in ‘Once a handmaiden’, but I could be wrong. That episode is really good for a number or reasons, but there’s something really funny about Varian canonically inventing a gun, good for him.

8. The left one?

9. Happily ever after, I know it’s a reprise of the first song in the ‘Before ever after& short movie but I’m not sure if it’s called something slightly different

I really struggled with most of these, clearly I’m a fake fan </3 it’s fine I tried my best, at least this makes good practice for when I do eventually have to go up against the devil to avoid eternal damnation.

It was really fun though :D thank you for putting this together it was super cool. (Not to be that really annoying guy but I do highly recommend TTS it is a very fun watch)

Also slightly related fun face Zachary Levi plays Rocky in the the new chicken run movie and you can really tell. He uses the same line deliver as he does with Eugene it’s pretty funny to compare the two characters.

it's no problem at all, one of the best parts of this blog for me is being able to learn about everyone's special interests!

besides, considering how much experience i have in combing the internet to research fandoms i'm unfamiliar with (mostly so i can make bad puns), it was kinda fun for me to try and put that ridiculously niche skill to the test under time pressure

though... in retrospect i maaaay have accidentally made some of the questions completely impossible

(also, i know i answered your asks out of order, it sounds weird but the genuine reason is that because of the times you sent asks i was worried you were losing sleep over the stress of not knowing whether your asks were anonymous or not)

anyway, here are the answers:

1. you're totally right, it's Gothel who speaks first - no one else has a line until the 2-minute mark, they just kind of make noises at each other. i know they did it because it's a dream sequence, but it's still inexplicably funny if you pay attention to it, it reminds me of final fantasy

i did watch the first episode in full to get an idea of what this show was about, and i do have a lot of questions - tangled was one of the only two disney princess films i watched when i was a kid and i still don't really understand how her hair has grown back or who cassandra is (she seems nice though)

2. yeah in hindsight this one is basically impossible to get from memory, and when i wrote it i didn't even realise that there were different animations for the later seasons

the first one has 7, the second has 4 (i think?), and the third has 3, though it's really hard to tell

3. i actually got that wrong, i thought the music box turned into the robot, but you're right, it activates the parts hidden in the presents that then assemble themselves

4. people make fun of disney for their disdain for green eyes, rapunzel is the only disney princess who has them

excluding tangled, i can't even think of two human disney characters with green eyes period

well apparently they decided to overcompensate by making it so that almost no tangled characters have blue eyes, and honestly it's kind of hilarious

even characters who had blue eyes in the movie had their eye colour switched to green for the series

i was only able to pick out five because i noticed the trend and started actively looking for it - and even then, it was like finding a shiny pokemon anytime someone with blue eyes appeared on screen

so the fact that you were able to think of five off the top of your head is crazy impressive

he does - so do varian, frederic, faith and monty, so that's five

5. the mirror is the one on the left

the one on the right is actually based on the broken plate from breaking bad

6. eugene sings last, i have no idea what the context of the song is though

i actually was originally going to use 'nothing left to lose' but i changed it like five minutes before the timer ran out because i realised there were a lot of questions about cassandra, she's just in every clip

7. yeah, it's 'once a handmaiden', i think once her imaginary british friend pulls the cloak off it never comes back

i may have got this one from the wiki

8. the yellow eye is her(?) right eye

9. you're right, it is just a reprise of the first song from before ever after

(though i found out just now that disney's official songlist technically calls it 'life after happily ever after', which is dumb, so i'm going to ignore it)

so, overall i don't think anyone can accuse you of being a fake fan, you definitely got most of them

still, i'm glad you enjoyed it <3

[minarcana]

sorry for all the ooc, things are wrong with me. anyways i was in prae for the umpteenth time and every time im there all i can picture is the gaius that lives in my brain being forced to go through prae and its him with his head in his hands like "please. dont. dont make me remember being Like This"

im going to talk about gaius, sorry

(caveat: i have a better werlyt in my brain.)

his arc is that he went from a True Believer to "ah. these are people.". me forcing him to live thru prae era again is the cringe punishment cube.

a clarification to werlyt arc rewrite: yeah he did war crimes and he did them on purpose. he was aware they were war crimes. he knew that other legions did bad things, though he consistently underestimated the amount and cruelty of human experimentation going on. he knew other legions tended to treat eorzeans as lesser

however he really did believe in Something. he believed varis's propaganda and that varis was a benevolent leader, that it wasnt just primals but eorzea's belief in gods in general that were killing their own land bc he cant tell the difference between a primal and a god. he was fully committed to "these people are savages and heres some fuckin, fantasy version of the white mans burden" which is obviously incredibly wrong and fucked but yknow, it fuels the war machine. he was a soldier who never even thought to ask questions.

all he did was believe wholeheartedly in the propaganda fed to him and therefore rationalize "torching this entire country is fine, right". cannot stress enough i am not excusing the war crimes. im just making him a consistent character with a mildly rational arc. he super did those war crimes and did them on purpose. but he also did protect the war orphans his own war caused and had no issue whatsoever letting eorzeans who wanted to join the army to protect themselves do so. equality of opportunity providing you pledged fealty to garlemald, bc being of garlemald's population made you Better and Not A Savage and therein lies the line of who it's fine to kill if they fight back and who can be treated with respect.

unfortunately, ascians. gaius got his ass handed to him and the result is [nervous laughter] oh shit the army is super not infalliable and always right and very capable of and prone to wanton destruction instead of targeted attacks specifically to claim territory, hence the depression arc. he's pissed at ascians and wants to die. two birds one stone, hunt ascians till one of them kills him. meet people who want him dead and yknow theyve got a fucking point.

though he did still believe in the last vestige of "maybe things arent completely fucked and i didnt spend my entire life believing in utter bullshit lies?" that varis was a Good Emperor and Capable Of/Genuinely Interested In Ensuring Protection Of Garleans until the black rose incident. he still had a weird loyalty towards him that maybe he could get varis to like. not enact biological warfare against his own men. if he were just able to talk to him. but twas not to be and gaius essentially just [throws hands into air] OKAY! FINE! FUCK ME I GUESS!

hed already entirely lost faith that anything in garlemald's extant ruling structure could be salvaged while they still tried to wage war, weapon series just brought into light how deeply rotten the army had been the entire time when gaius had turned a blind eye to any operations that weren't his own.

if he met himself from his prae monologue now he'd strangle one of himself he doesnt care which one just free him from whatever this is hed Rather Die

the only thing im keeping him actually genuinely 100% totally unaware of from werlyt is the weird Thing livia had for him. shes out there hollering HIS BODY IS MINE as gaius is like "[completely out of earshot every time she does that] haha livia shes like a relative of mine i guess" and thats because i think its very funny.

on a SECOND DIGRESSION ABOUT PRAETORIUM

like. look. garleans cant use aether. i desperately want the explanation for how the fuck this man is pulling shadow clones out of his ass when he repels magic. i choose to believe the X beams are either ceruleum fire or aether cartridges charged by someone else but this cannot explain fuckin naruto shadow clone jutsu going on. what the fuck, gaius.

[e17omm]

Alright, Genshin Natlan Act 4. Same as before, Im gonna be writing things as I play through it.

(This quest went from me practically losing all faith in Hoyo, to returning to me having Hope that they can stop their fake tension bullshit)

Do you know how much of a ( -_-) face Im having right now?

I fucking hope Mauvika is wrong. I am so tired of every region being the same. Fatui bad. Archon good. Everyone's fine always nothing bad ever happens to anyone on the "good" side.

If they dont change how the Fatui is potrayed now, the writers are going to implode when we get to Snezhnaya and we gotta help the people but the people are all Fatui and Fatui bad so we cant help the country but thats all we've been doing and there cant be good people coz all of them are loyal to the Fatui or... Is Snezhnaya secretly going to have an underground rebellion with people that dont like the Fatui?

Its been the same for 4 years now. Can these writers write anything else?

2. what was the point of Ororon, a character Ive barely met, to have an internal struggle with a person Ive never even heard of? Well wonder if theyre gonna butcher Capitano or if they'll keep writing him well...

3. I am hoping, from the bottom of my heart, that Mauvika's plan fails.

If it doesnt fail, and it succeeds, the Hoyo I am a fan of is dead, because this new one can only write the same, very limited, repeated plot points.

Why, do you write tension into your story, if its never realised?

If tension is not going to happen, then dont write your story to have tension.

For FOUR. YEARS. Hoyo has repeatedly written plot points that asks "will they make it?" or "will they be fine?" and the answer has, without fail, been "yes."

You can do that here and there.

You cant repeatedly ask that question for four years.

You have no idea how badly I want to be proven wrong. I want to be proven so wrong that people link my posts and comments about this and laughs at me.

Because the alternative is that the Hoyo I am a fan of is no more.

And this new Hoyo can only write stories that never has any real tension, but also cant embrace being a fun lighthearted story.

This new Hoyo wants to go down the middle, where their story is lighthearted yet tense. Tense, but nothing bad every actually happens.

Go one way or the other. Please. Either realise the tension, or dont have it.

You cant write happy fun stories where characters DIES and then they just come back like nothing's wrong.

You cant write tense stories where things can go wrong, when every time something saves them.

This isnt just in GI. Its all their games lately.

I need a moment to come to terms that this company that has thrashed my feelings and made me connect with fictional characters, a company which has crafted worlds and stories that I enjoyed so much that I think about them almost daily, may be no more.

Please just commit to write a fun story or a story where tension is real. I cant take this repeated overuse of fake tension where nothing bad can actually happen and its all an illusion for much longer.

what number was i on...?

5. at least we are now working with the Fatui and they genuinely want to help.

I disagree with the statement that the feeling of dread is getting stronger, uh, because, you know, Hoyo has refused to act on the tension they've tried having for the past 4 years.

AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA THEY REALLY JUST SAID THAT DEATH IS A RULE

FUCKING FUNNY JOKE HOYO. That actually made me laugh, they actually said that. Im not joking, that was funny. That is so rich of them!

Oh yeah that was note 6.

7. Okay, this whole war map thing actually looks interesting.

Im thankful the music is completely missing the mark on the mood. Oh yeah, upbeat tunes and calm tones, thats what I want to hear when Natlan is facing its biggest Abyss attack yet.

I hope my sarcasm shines through on that previous statement.

8. Okay, idea of the whole war map vs abyssal corruption is really cool... But the execution is bad. Nothing corruptive on the map, and the gameplay is short bursts of fighting with about 3-4 minutes of travel time by air balloon which you are forced to do.

Alright they started teleporting me after forcing me to ride the balloon twice. Thank god.

9. Pretty cool cutscene. Would have been better if this wasnt the 6th nation and there was still tension in the story. But you know, Mauvika waved her hand and the crisis was pushed back.

I kept thinking through the entire cutscene "yeah this looks bad, but will it stay that way?" and the answer appears to be a pretty standard "nah" nah it wont stay that bad. Nothing ever does.

10. Ooooh so now we can see the abyssal corruption on the map!

But will it stay that way?

11. Okay. They actually have the guts to show things getting dark. By killing a bunch of NPC's we've never met, but you know, its something! Things are bad! The Abyss is invading! Of course people will die but they're still nameless numbers I've never met or heard about before.

But still, its something!

Still fully expecting Mauvika to destroy the Abyss orb thing and save the day forever. That's basically what Hoyo has repeatedly been doing for years now.

But hey, at least they can stick through things getting dark and not fix it right away after shying away from doing just that for so long.

12. Wow Chuychu just died. I didnt know her for that long but at least she was unique and had a distinct personality.

Im still expecting this crisis to be over by the end of the quest so it doesnt stick, but also like, where the fuck was this 2 years ago? Sumeru and Fontaine would have been so much more tense if this was the status quo!

If this was the tension/precedent set when I entered Natlan I would have been so much more invested in this story!

Aaaaaaaaand there it is. Will Hoyo prove me wrong and Mauvika's plan will fail? I hope but we have all the heroes now

13. That was a good scene with Cisca. Chisca? carrying in Chychu.

But also, like, "this was is about to end" and I've barely seen any of it. So unless the plan fails, this crisis wont stick for any interesting amount of time and will be completely contained to Natlan with no impact on any of the other nations or characters. Which is a massive shame.

14. yeaaaaah this is about to end isnt it? Resurrection is back, hopeful music is playing.

This was a good quest. I hope Hoyo can relearn what they have lost from it.

Im fully expecting them to defeat the Abyss and have a bright happy ending where everything is fine. The quest will still be good despite that, I'll keep some hope that the Hoyo I am a fan of isnt entirely gone and that they can recover from their fake tension dump.

The absolutely worse scenario is that Chychu is resurrected. That will make me throw my controller into my monitor.

15. alright, looks like Hoyo does understand that just pasting a character back into the story after they showed said character dying is a really bad idea for tension and stakes!

The result is expected - nothing except this specific quest is impacted, which is a shame, but baby steps! Things went bad and lots of people died and it wasnt quickly solved and the dead stay dead.

I would have liked to see a more gradual war over several quests rather than in a single quest that took place over like, a few hours, but again - BABY STEPS.

I hope they learn from this and stops doing their fake tension shit in every one of their games.

16. Okay, "task of wiping out the Abyss" thats jumping the gun, isnt it? Dont we have that whole thing with the Abyss Order and Khaenri'ah to see first?

17. BOOOO they couldnt even add the broken sky into the game? Come the fuck on, even Mauvika spoke about it as if it was permanent.

They'll make you solve problems in world quests that makes the world look less interesting, but after the "fake sky" was revealed, they dont make it permanent and only give us a short glimpse of it, even if the characters treats it as a possibly permanent thing in the sky?

Come on.

Quest was fine. I hope Hoyo learns from it and stops doing their fake tension bullshit - in all their games.

[audible--silence]

Heard abroad…

Whatever the question, the market is the answer

“Too many white people not enough markets”

“I mean i still didn’t understand any of it but i understood it was nice”

Pedophile and a dead aunt. You love to see it!

I exist to do the dumb thing and subsequently encourage everyone else to also do the dumb thing

“At least it isn’t Kevin”

“Home is the place where you keep ending up and you don’t really know why”

“Home is where you keep going back to your abuser”

Death is good business but without the repeat customers

As long as you have enough to buy linch on your first day, you have enough to figure it out

“Fucking cyrus man…” on cocktails and cacao ceremonies

It feels like im looking at the relic of a golden age that doesn’t know its past its best before date

Lots of people breeds competition in both capitalism and creativity. Capitalism also breeds racism.

Nobody gives one fuck about you here which is both amazing and kinda isolating

Its like if every city ive ever been to merged into one and did a bunch of drugs

I have fewer ideas but i have a lot of resolution so when i want one to work i just throw everything at it till it does

luck favors those who need it/rely on it in good faith

I was busy being sad and shit so I wasn’t in the mood for a heart attack

How lucky we are, to know that as long as we have charge on our phone or an internet connection, we’ll never go without

Going nowhere the long way

“Fuck you”

“What?”

“I was talking to the aircon”

Calories dont work on Mondays

Chicken is made by man, duck is made by god

Thats why i pay the rent

The only case there is is a quesadilla

It’s strangely captivating.

A city of nine million perfect strangers and nine million deranged fucking maniacs.

Everyone fits in. Because theres no such thing as “too different” out here.

Milk that mfer for every lil drop of lactation in it’s scary asymmetrical titty

Everybody be skipping to the calm down phase of life without ever experiencing the youthful fuckaround stage

The lifeline on my hand seems to doing fine.

The other two, I cant quite remember what they’re supposed to mean. Something about happiness or love.

They’re looking a little worse for wear lately.

“Look Ill extend him an olive branch but only so i can whack him over the head with it”

“After all, the universe continues to surprise, bewilder, and enchant, irrespective of our inquiries. As the tale concludes, may it inspire a subtle nod toward the dance of untamed contemplations—a dance best performed with an enigmatic grin.”

Thinking is for Jerry's (2023) - Professor Longwang

I feel glad to have an end date but miserable to end it

Scared of old reality but excited to confirm or deny it

Confused about my choices here and whether my feelings were made from genuine feelings

“How was the quality of your call?” Asks the messenger app.

To which I cannot reply.

Because to reply honestly would not do justice to the quality of the app, and instead be a comment on my experience of it.

The feeling in my gut when she said she met someone.

The thoughts back to all the times where I wanted to tell you i was yours.

All at once.

With a vengeance

Stabbing in the chest

What am i doing here

Accidentally drunk off a Manhattan i didnt want and a quarter pint of Guinness

In New York

In the rain

Trying desperately to find a job

In a field im hardly good at

It seems to me that it boils down.

When you look at the root of it all

What do you want

What do i want

How you utilize the two to make a life that brings you joy

Kill me, im french

Traveling is honestly comparable to hard drugs at this point: intense, euphoric, lands you in sketchy circumstances and often leads to living in very questionable scenarios. It also has a tendency to leave you broke as fuck and wondering where the last six months went

It do be a lil comedic,

A city of 12 million mother fuckers buzzing around packed in like a hive, and I’ve hardly made a friend.

[nahalism]

Yeah I am possessive and I’m don’t really care to admit it. If I want to love just one person and be committed to them why aren’t I entitled to the same treatment? If someone wouldn’t be ready to give me what I’m looking for I’d just leave I wouldn’t start making demands of them to change clearly that’s just not them.

I do see your point when you said that we have parents, children and friends that we can all love at the same time but even amongst all those people you will only form meaningful and close bonds with a few. I’m the kind of person who believes that you don’t need romantic love in life in order to be happy, society has just brainwashed us especially women go think that romance is the ultimate goal/purpose on earth and that without it life is meaningless, I don’t get attached to people I know that for most they won’t be staying in my life for long.

I do find the idea of staying with someone that has feelings for someone else strange because clearly they’re not all in with me, how come I managed to not get feelings for someone else? And yeah they’re them and I’m me but they’re not offering what I want anymore, isn’t it fair for me to live my truth and not settle for anything less? Also I wouldn’t want to hold them back, I would simply remove myself very fast. Maybe I stay with them now but then they catch feelings for someone else again what’s the point in that? Having to worry about my significant other falling for someone else? And yeah ok let’s say they genuinely love me too, here’s my favourite question: so what? Like falling in love with someone else isn’t something easy (at least to me) it’s the kind of thing that takes time and proximity so 9/10 the significant other was probably entertaining some shady shit, let’s not be naive here. Honestly romantic love is the most fickle kind of love, it’s truly overhyped, maybe I’m the one who’s unlucky in love but sometimes I truly do not see the point in it idk. I do have a transactional way of viewing most things so again I very aware of my own biases, maybe one day I’ll fall in love with two people and have to eat my own words that would be very funny, I’d laugh and remember this conversation lmao.

loool that would b funny. but equally your completely entitled to desire what you desire so if thats monogamy and mutual possessiveness go for it, and i know for a fact you'll find it and build something beautiful within it!! <3

cause ur on anon im empowered to give my unsolicited opinion lmao, — all ill say is i sense a slight avoidance thing going on here. you may genuinely want monogamy which is absolutely fine and reasonable to want, but i feel like someone (single or multiple) rly let u down & affected your faith in other people or willingness to trust/open up. & if that is the case i just wanna sayyy there are a lot of gooood people in this world. some of whom might disappoint you despite their best intentions, & some of whom may do things or feel a way about the world/people in it that diverges from what you feel and as such challenges your sense of security & safety in your relationship with them.

if you know in your heart that person loves you and didnt intend to cause you harm, it is still worth staying, repairing the relationship and loving/giving the best of yourself to them. not for them, but for you. because 1) conflict resolution is key 2 monogamy. & 2 but really 1) love and connection is human nature. denying love as a form of protection is a double loss. first loss: love & second loss: to the people who hurt u and jaded ur heart.

if im wrong ignore my opinion & just take my love instead and good wishes over you instead🌞. come back to msg me when u find ur love, & pass une bonne journeeeee 💋

[thediamondcityradio]

okay so lets break this down since you seem to be unable to comprehend transmascdagothurs (sorry to white knight on your post boss) post as well as unable to have a civil, good faith conversation without immediately resorting to passive aggressiveness. placing this under a readmore to be considerate to others dashboards.

to start, transmascdagothur mentions that he, SPECIFICALLY, is tired of the uwuifying. notice he states that HE is tired of the phenomenon, and does not specify a side of tumblr.

questions for comprehension (see bottom for answers): do you think he could be referring to personal experiences? do you think his experiences on tumblr, the website notorious for watering down characters to the point that words like “blorbo,” “woobify,” etc are used, are going to be different for him vs you?

answer 1: every persons experience on this website will be different, and going onto a strangers (!!) post, that they have made to specifically speak out THEIR EXPERIENCE, to only then be passive aggressive and catty… do you really think its going to make them want to see things from your side?

even in the second rb, transmascdagothur AGREES with you, but states that this post was personal opinion…. TWICE…… which you somehow, bizarrely, take as a personal attack.

you make “goofy content”…. good for you! that is absolutely your prerogative and absolutely fine. i even used to make goofy content myself! …but is your tumblr transmascdagothur? is that you? no? then why are YOU trying to actively dictate what another person experiences on this website. you even say yourself —

— so, if you dont know what his feed looks like… then why are you getting upset over what he writes about it? why are YOU mad that someone is having a different experience than you? (and dont say youre not mad, we can all see your tags.)

transmascdagothur even AGREES WITH YOU! thats the funny part — he explicitly states “i agree with you, but this post applies to my personal work.” i dont think you can misunderstand the post more if you tried.

additionally… why is it transmascdagothurs problem that youve been on edge? despite what may be going on in your personal life, that is no excuse for being a dickhead on another persons post.

genuinely, truly, take some time to examine why youre so reactive to a random person making a random post about their personal experience on tumblr, before responding like a middle schooler.

…but what else can we expect from someone whos tumblr looks like this.

Idk how to say this but I'm kinda tired of uwuifying every single aspect of Elder Scrolls and Dagoth Ur especially. I know the transmasc dagoth ur blog has been pretty funny so far but you know, TES lore by nature is insanely dark and i don't see many people appreciate that over here on tumblr. I want to see more horror. I want to portray Dagoth Ur as a fucked up husk of a sad man, I want him to be an absolutely horrifying monster. There's nothing wrong with taking terrifying characters and turning them into comfort characters because at the end of the day it's just fictional shit like go off monarchs, you want miraak to have a chiseled jawline and sheogorath to have a family, like that's cool and whatever. Tbh I love it when people use their imagination and come up with shit like that.

BUT. Personally I find it insanely cool when people can take a villain as a comfort as well as portraying them as just that: villains. Like can we all agree that if you portray a comfort oc as inherently evil or at least morally grey, IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON. You can like Dagoth Ur as the fucked up thing he is in game, you don't have to ignore that he literally wanted to drive out all the other races from morrowind and take over tamriel with a god robot. It doesn't mean you support ideas like that if you like the character. Idk why I need to say that.

It's not just Dagoth Ur, I see it with all the other evil characters too. Miraak, Mannimarco, all the daedric princes, Alduin, the tribunal, like ESPECIALLY the tribunal. I don't wanna hear anyone go like "nooo my babygirl Vivec has done nothing wrong" to me he is a bug eyed little freak and I LOVE HIM BUT HE ALSO BETRAYED AND SPEARED NEREVAR ALIVE. I'm looking at all of you rn. lol

Anyway so if you disagree with this idc, this is just my opinion. I'm just saying, I'm gonna focus on more darker aspects of this franchise from now on, at least with my other nerevarine oc Kazakir. But yall can still ask stuff about Dravas and his super romanticized AU with Dagoth Ur! Remember to hydrate and stretch your legs, rant over.

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

i can see why some people may dislike elysia at a surface level (she certainly needed to grow on me just as much as she grew on mei)… i mean, its p clear what kinda demographic mhy was targeting w her character design & her cold open at the end ch25, which can definitely rub some people the wrong way

but then u get to kno her thru the elysian realm story and she… actually has in character motivation for presenting herself in such a way. she clearly wants to be loved by everyone, and her cheeky persona allows her to share the boundless love she has for everyone & everything around her w/o being all that disruptive (she rly is rather considerate, all things considered). the constant flirting can definitely get on some peoples nerves, but if you pay a little attention, u can eventually see a difference between just small-talk flirting (like w kevin, which mostly amounts to ‘i wish u sweet dreams of me’ ;P), and the actual genuine interest she shows in mei , and her feelings, and her life (…and yes, her horns).

i think the moment that finally endeared her to me was her strutting around the realm w a megaphone telling anyone that will listen that she finally got to touch the horns! bc heres a girl that knows what she wants & goes for it, and just has to share her joy w the world! and if thats not sickeningly cute & unbearably attractive at the same time, i dont kno what is.

so anyway, i forgot what started this, but enjoy my brief elysia character analysis in rebuttal to strawman nonexistent elysia haters (and yes, i did have fun w the color formatting)

Hahaha the colors did make this easier to read, too? x)

Well here’s my two cents to add onto this: Agree there’s legitimate reasons you can dislike Elysia, just like there’s legitimate reasons to dislike certain types of people. Some find loud people endearing, some find them annoying, that’s just life.

I personally don’t think her expressing how attracted she is to Mei is an issue, especially since it’s used for comedy a lot and isn’t meant to be seen as serious. Some people thinks she’s crossing Mei’s boundaries though! And that’s okay! That’s their interpretation of the text! As long as they actually read the text to know what they’re talking about, of course, I’ve got zero issue with it.

(Badmouthing a character off first meeting vibes because you skip all their dialogue would just feels like bad faith. Yaknow? If you can’t bear to read em don’t talk about what you don’t wanna know~)

But yeah like. If someone’s reading “I really want to touch her horns” as “I want to touch her d—” that would be inappropriate, so I understand some people think it’s sexual harassment.

Personally I feel like it’s closer to “I really want to touch her hair” as if Mei had a mohawk. It’s fancy and looks fun to touch! The sexual dimension is there but it’s less from what Elysia is wanting to touch and more superposed with her being attracted to Mei. You can make hair touching feel sexual if you’re flirting with the person, but it’s not the same thing as fondling them? Something like that.

There’s also the question of consent, since Elysia always asks for permission first, but you could see her insistance as pressure. It comes down to what you believe Mei thinks and feels. What I see is that she can get exasperated or embarrassed by the PDA but not really angry, so she’s probably okay with it. Someone else might think she’s given up because Elysia can’t be tamed. Both are fine way to interpret the situation since they’re based off of facts.

The important point is that we have to be aware we’re all just interpreting the text. There can be multiple valid readings! And that’s good. Diversity of angles is interesting.

Problems mostly just arise when you start going “I can’t believe ANYONE would love this character who EATS BABIES”.

Issue being, the interpretation isn’t necessarily wrong, but you’re being mean to the people who are seeing things differently and attacking their character based off your view of the story, the hurt has crossed into the real world. That’s just a no-no.

Respect is key!

[neko-rogers]

All I Ever Need

Peter warned you about the dangers of online dating.

words: 4,007

tags: dark!peter parker, strong and explicit non-consensual elements, manipulation, implications of sex-pollen or drugging, lowkey breeding kink

a/n: please forgive me! i’m still new to writing dark!versed fics <3 but this was a request and i couldn’t resist (: if you liked this then you are free to help me out and improve my writing by leaving feedback or suggesting prompts that i could write about

     It was emotionally crushing.

     The moment you decided to create a Tinder account led you to all sorts of feelings. 

     As someone who had been busy with your final year of college, you never thought of engaging much in the relationships territory. With all these, you could only focus on finally graduating and obtaining a stable job. The idea that you were providing for yourself, without having to depend on a significant other, was fulfilling.

     It did not help further considering that most of your group of friends were just as hardworking as you. Peter Parker was one the closest and much more than just a good influence. Truly too good to be true.

     Nonetheless, you finally tried out those infamous dating applications you have been hearing. Despite warnings from your friends about how dangerous it can be, you were confident that you were smart enough to handle it.

     “You're still hung up on that app?” Peter interrupts alongside.

     The professor dismissed the class moments ago, and at least half of the people already exited the room. As always, Peter waited for you before heading for next subject.

     Admittedly, you were a bit caught up with your phone. Swiping left and right sounded boring, but for some reason you found it amusing how convenient it can be – the interaction and messages was a bonus. “So what if I am?”

     You lock your phone before Peter got to snoop further. Both your reflections could be seen amongst the black screen as you placed it on top of your other textbooks to be carried.

     “Any interaction online is dangerous,” he explains. “I thought you out of all people should know that, Y/N.”

     You roll your eyes at his remark. “You’re only a year older than me yet you sound like my dad. You know I’m already twenty-two, right?”

     “I’d hate to be the one to say I told you so when your world comes crashing down,” he consoles. 

     “Oh thats bullshit, Parker.” You could almost laugh at his sense of ridicule. “Like you said, I’m smart. I’m sure I’ll be able to handle online dating. Have faith in me, yeah?” 

     “Yeah, whatever. It’s fine.” Peter nods, still beside as you walked along the hallway. “It’s not like you’re already going on a date with one of them, right.” His assumption comes off as a statement rather than a question.

     However, you stay quiet seeming as it was best to leave it unanswered.

     “Oh no, please don’t tell me you’re seeing someone already.” Peter looks back when you decided to stay a meter behind him to save you from the guilt.

     “It’s just a second date, it won’t harm me,” you defended. “Plus, he goes to the community college nearby.”      “What?! You two are already on your second date before you told me, or anyone of your friends?” You could understand where his temper was coming from, but in the end, it was none of their business.

     “I know, but I just thought it wasn’t a big deal. Besides this is about me and Jacob.”

     Fortunately enough, you and Peter have the same subject which was BioChemistry. This time, he followed you behind while you avoided his gaze. He waited until you took a seat along the second to the last row, and then taking his seat next to you.

     You look straight, facing the chalkboard displayed at the farther side of the room. Though you could not see Peter entirely, you could see his glowering look by the corner of your eye. “So his name his Jacob, huh, tell me more about him.”

     This was the reason why you could not update him, or any of your friends. You knew this would happen. They begin getting so nosy around your life before they even realize it.

     Surely, you did love your friends, much more the boy sitting next to you. They have been with you since freshman year, and you were more than grateful for one another’s support.

     “Peter, I don’t think that whatever I tell you would concern you,” you state clearly to avoid a dragging conversation. 

     “But we care about you, I care about you, Y/N.” He pouts, “The moment he tries to hurt you, you’ll run back to us and cry about it. I just want to skip seeing that part knowing I can’t see you heartbroken.”

     You furrow your eyebrows. His statement comes off as a bit acquisitive, but you knew that it was just his concern caught up in the moment. “That’s the problem. We all need to eventually fail or feel pain. It’s normal, especially for young adults like us, Peter!”

     There was a lot of things you wanted to say now. He trigged you somehow and now you’re at the edge of becoming a rambling mess. The worst part of it was that you were scared that you might say something that you would not be able to take back. 

     “Okay then I’ll–”

     “No look, I apologize for raising my voice.” You sighed to calm yourself down and compose your thoughts better. “You know I adore you so much, Peter. And I appreciate you looking out for me. But this can’t be forever, I’ll eventually have to learn how to deal with these kinds of stuff.”

     You got through barely half of your day yet you could already feel the emotional turn of having an argument with one of your best friends. 

     And eventually, your professor entered the room. Barely giving the two of you a moment to continue the heated conversation just seconds ago. The displeased look on Peter’s face remained as he looked in front, acknowledging that both of you took lectures seriously. He wanted to pick up this argument at another setting. 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

     "Congrats to your first ever anniversary!” Your friends applaud just as Jacob was seated next to you.

     “We’re so proud of you.”

     “You two look so happy together!”

     “Both of you look amazing, practically perfect for each other.”

     “Can’t believe it’s already been a year.”

     A year has passed, your group of friends remained even so with Peter. In addition, they learned to accept your boyfriend despite their doubts on online dating sites and applications.

     Just as they learned to trust your decisions more, you also learned way more about your significant other. Though despite your differences in fields, you learned to love him more than you thought you could.

     All of you have freshly graduated from college. Most of your friends did not have much planned so far; however, as your friendship with Peter remained, he grew to understand your feelings more and handled it sensitively.

     After your argument during your early days of dating Jacob, he eventually apologized for his behavior too. Though that was not the only time your friendship with him was put to a test. After the succeeding months, Peter still gave feint warnings and acted a bit overprotective when you tried telling him how you wanted to take your relationship to another level and get more serious.

     Nonetheless, you did not let any of your peers affect your view upon your relationship. Seeing that you were now at your first anniversary, you were happy that you followed what your heart and gut believed in.

     “To be honest we didn’t expect our Y/N to be getting into a relationship before we graduate, let alone celebrating her first anniversary!” Liz joked. “But in the end, just know that we love you and we’re here for you.”

     You smiled, looking at your friends who seemed to share the same feeling. After graduation, everything feels too good. It feels as if your life was falling into place.

     Not only have you gotten into a relationship with a kind guy. You also attained high ranks among the other students in your program, which led to companies offering you internships right off the bat. Rather than you worrying about where you’re heading to after college, you got the privilege to pick what you wanted to do.

     Surprisingly, you got an offer from the Stark Industries to become an internship on being their analytical chemist. It was the most tempting offer you got. Who would not accept an opportunity like that, right?

     When you learned that Peter also got an offer, you were more than happy for him. You knew he was one of the smartest persons in class and he deserved it just as you did.

     Both your contracts agreed that the internship starts a month from now which was just perfect, considering that you also have a few things to do prior to it.

     “Well, this girl also has a lot planned ahead,” you announce while catching the attention of your friends that were circled around you. “Me and Jacob were talking about moving in probably in his apartment by the end of the month.”

     Your intention was not to brag. Everyone could see how genuinely excited you were with such a big event. You were just so happy that despite what every one thought your relationship would end, you accepted whether the outcome would be good or bad. 

     Your friends cheered at you for taking a big step into your relationship. Looking back, you were so scared to accept the second date, but little by little you could not notice how much progress has been done.

     “I am so thankful for you guys.” You smiled and nodded at them before looking to your side where Jacob happily watched you interact with your friends. You slung your arm over his chest and planted a kiss directly at his lips.

     “We’re always here for you, Y/N,” Peter added along with a smile.

*

     Unbeknownst to you, just as your friends had left the celebration, you had big news yet to hear.

     As you drape your purse over one shoulder, your boyfriend assisted you out. He held one side of the door for you and walked after you. He held onto the side of your waist until both of you reached his car.

     Like the gentleman he is, he went over to the passenger side to open the car door for you before doing the same for himself at the driver’s side.

     When both of you were finally inside the car, Jacob had not started the car immediately. He paused with fingers gripping around the edges of the steering wheel.

     His sigh was just as evident, hearing it echo around the car which left chills across your skin as you looked at him. “You seem bothered. What’s wrong?”

     He avoided to look at you just as both of your hands reach for one of his. He lets you toy with his fingers yet his gaze still directs straight at the gas pedal. You lean further to catch a glimpse of him, moving one hand to cup his cheek. “Hey, what’s bugging you, babe? I’m here to listen.”

     “I’m sorry,” he starts off. The puzzled look on your face apparent as to what he’s trying to apologize for.

     “What do you mean?”

     “I just don’t think you deserve to stay with someone like me.”

     His self-loathing was not settling your confusion in any way at all. “I still don’t get it.” You did have an assumption in mind, but you chose not to jump into it as it might flare up on what’s happening now.

     “I think we need to break up,” Jacob swiftly drops.

     Slowly, you pull back and rest your back against the window. You bring a hand up to brush the little fringes in front of your face. You were trying to comprehend everything that’s happening. “I don’t understand. Why so sudden?”

     “Don’t get the wrong idea, Y/N–”

     “Then what should I get?” Your voice starts to crack as you hold back the tears. “I don’t understand anything at all! You seemed so happy a couple of hours ago.”

     “That’s why I’m apologizing,” he softly explains. “You don’t deserve me, I’ve been so horrible to you–”

     “You have been so nice to me. I don’t know where you’re getting all of this, at all!” Eventually, tears could not help but form around the corners of your eyes.

     Jacob sighs, finally looking at you. “You deserve so much more than this, I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

     Finally, the tears began to spill. You covered both your eyes with your palms, trying to both hide and wipe them away. “Y-you can’t just break up with me after celebrating our first anniversary.”

     “I’m sorry–”      “Stop saying that,” you sniffed. You did not know what annoyed you more, hearing him apologize like a broken record or hearing him imply the ‘its not you, it’s me and you deserve more’ bullshit. “You’re too cruel.”

     “I’ll drive you to your house,” he offers. The look on his face seemed very guilty. You did not know what was behind these sudden turn of events, but either way you were heartbroken for how

     “No,” you stated. “Uhm, I have a friend who lives nearby. You can drop me off there.”

     “Okay.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

     “That’s pretty much my night in a nutshell,” you sighed as Peter entered his room with a blanket and some clothes in hand.

     Your legs were cross-seated over his bed as your hid your face with your hands. Peter frowned as he walked over to the edge of his bed where you were positioned. “I just don’t understand why he dumped me all of a sudden, might I add, dumped me on our first anniversary!”

     You felt a hand over your back, rubbing slow and comforting strokes as you continued to cry. “Just as I thought I was getting to know him better.”

     It was emotionally crushing.

     “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

     “Well.” You look up at him despite knowing your nose eyes eyelids became swollen, “You can finally tell me that you told me so.”

     “That doesn’t matter right now.” His hands move to the ends of your hair, toying with the strands before turning half of his body aside. He reaches for a mug that situated on top of his nightstand, “Here. I brought you a cup of tea.”

     “Thanks, but I’m not really thirsty–”

     “Drink,” he calmly says. “You need to get hydrated after crying.”

     You could not argue with that. You’ve definitely lost a lot of water in your body after hours of just crying, without drinking anything. “You know me so well.” you told him and added, “I should’ve just listened to you when you warned me about strangers online.”

     “I guess I owe you an apology.”

     Peter chuckled at your statement and watched you as your lips slowly sipped at the heated tea he had just prepared. “No need to be sorry about anything now, I’m just glad you’re safe. He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

     “Don’t worry he didn’t physically touch me,” you assure as he nods.

     The adorable boy in front of you slyly looked down as he called for your name. “Y/N? Can I ask you a question?”

     “Of course, Peter.” 

     “Why’d you choose to stop by my place amongst our other friends.” 

     You finally finish the entire drink he had prepared. Before you could answer him, you extended your arm in order to set the fragile mug back on top of his bed side drawer.

     “Well for one, I still know where your place was, and it was closest from the restaurant,” you answered. “And conveniently enough, you were the first person I could think of after Jacob hurt my feelings.”

     “I could vividly remember your warnings just as I realized he was breaking up with me already. I didn’t know whether to feel sad or ashamed. What I do know was that you knew me too well, even before I became fully aware of it.”

     He smiled at your answer, and you gave the same look at him. “Well I’m glad you thought of me.” His hands reach over to yours and places them on top, feeling the warmth of his body over yours. “I would never want to hurt you, nor let you feel the pain Jacob gave you.”

     “You’re too sweet.” You smile.

     Your hands rubbed circles around your eyes first. Then you tried to lean in front, opening your arms wide signaling for a hug. Peter did not hesitate to hug you back, enveloping his arms while both of you rest your chins on top of each other’s shoulders.

     From this angle, you could strongly scent his cologne. However, that was not the only thing you could observe.

     As each second passes, you were not sure if you were the only one who could notice how hot the room was getting. Either that or that your skin was starting to burn up. “Peter?”

     “Don’t you think it’s getting hot–”

     As you were just about to react, you felt a pair of lips against yours. Peter had pulled back, and even when you could have realized it, he was pinning you down as your back presses against his bed.

     And as much as this was entirely contradicting your morals, you did not feel an ounce of guilt as one of your best friends continued to leave kisses down your neck. You were not entirely sure why your mind was doubting this, but your body was suddenly, badly craving for touch – and Peter was conveniently doing you the favor.

     “Don’t I think it’s getting what?” Peter sits up and teases just as he pulls his shirt over his shoulders.

     “Nothing,” you groan. “But I don’t think this is a good idea–”

     He shushes you, “Relax. Let me take care of you, yeah?

     His hands gently released heir grip around your wrists. He was confident enough that you wouldn’t fight back after finishing the drink he exclusively brewed for you.

     Your state of mind was perfectly right where he expected it to be. Just conscious enough to feel him against you, but incapable of thinking rationally. 

     He just hated how smart you were when it came to his friends and school; however, just as he expects, you were not as quick-witted when it came to relationships. 

     And hiring Jacob was definitely one of his greatest achievements so far. He lost a part of his savings along the way, but nothing could ever become as valuable as you. Now that you were in his room, let alone under his touch, he had the upper hand.

     Peter was not letting you go that easy afterwards.

     For now, he continues to leave kisses under your jaw while your hands lazily combs through the locks of his hair. He proudly hums against your skin after leaving gentle nibbles that started to leave evident love marks.

     One of his hands creep under your shirt, reaching to unhook your bra. As he successfully does, he moves to adjust your shirt over your breasts. He gets a good view of them even without having to pull it over your head, smirking to himself as this has been a fantasy he has been dreading for.

     “Fuck you’re even more beautiful than I imagined,” he murmurs. With one hand, he gently squeezes around one of your breasts just as he descends at your body.

     “Peter,” your moan comes from above his head just as he was ready to spread your legs.

     “Yeah, babe?”

     “C-condom,” you mumbled with eyelids partially open.

     He chuckled as a response, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”

     Peter tried to test the waters first to make sure he was completely in control of this situation. He drags the tip of his fingers across your stomach, further narrowing the path down as it reached at the entrance of your cunt. 

     He could instantly sense how wet you have become throughout his teasing. Both his middle and ring finger grew damper as he inserted them inch by inch, slowly seeing them reappear. 

     The warmth radiating around your walls excites him more, assuming how good you would be while his cock was wrapped around it. He instinctively curls his fingers out of excitement, forgetting that he was trying to handle you gently.

     You react by tightening around it, along with a whine. 

     “Sorry, babe.”

     Moreover, he continues it up until he felt his erection grow harden than before. He made sure he was completely hard before finally dropping both your pants down, attending to yours first until you were completely naked – excluding the shirt he did not haul over your head.

     Next was his turn. He undid his shorts and threw them away ever so quickly. Then rushed to welcome himself between the space of your legs. “You ready for me, babe?” He did not leave a choice despite asking that either way. You remained helpless under him.

     “Hmm,” was your only response.

     Peter did not hesitate as he glides into you. He groans at your heat, grasping that you feel better now compared to when he was using his fingers. “Oh shit,” he groans while speeding up the pace of his thrusts, “you feel so good.”

     “That’s it, holy fuck.” He was surprised at how responsive your body was still. Despite drugging you to the extent of being mentally incapable, your body was contracting all over him as if it was enjoying itself. 

     He continued to praise your body even if you could not understand what he was saying. The entire event revolved around him fucking you and leaving sweet remarks as if he was your boyfriend – and not, at all, a friend who laced your drink and made you believe you were somewhere safe.

     Though Peter did say he was going to care for you. Ironically, it was obvious that all he can think about now is chasing his orgasm and nutting inside you. After all, it was one of his dark and twisted fantasies – to have full control over you, at least.

     There were few moans coming from you, but the happy noises being created by Peter overpowers. With all of this, sexual, tension he finally got to release, it was expected that he was going to cum sooner.

     “Fuck,” and other swears came from him. “Didn’t expect to cum so soon.”

     As he did not care about your take on this, he also did not give a fuck when he was planning to cum inside you. Since he purposely avoided to wear any kind of protection, let alone learn if you were in any kind of birth control, anyone in their right mind would know what could happen the morning after.

     Willfully, he made sure to go deeper inside you until he could feel the tip of his cock twitch as a sign that he was going to cum. “Gonna fill you up with my cum, yeah,” he grunts as if you were going to reply. “And you’re gonna take it like the good girl you are.”

     Even so, when Peter finally felt his release, he took a good look at you beneath. You seemed hot and bothered, but not as him. Your chest was heaving all the while he could feel the speed of the beating of his heart.

     When he steadily pulls out, the awaited moment of his deep, dark fantasies finally arise. He could clearly see his own cum beautifully spilling out of your cunt like a cream pie. He could almost feel himself get turned on just at the sigh of it, but he considered that round two’s with you would be saved for next time.

     “Peter?”      “Hmm?”

     “I still feel hot,” you purr. 

     Peter extends his arm to gently place the back of his hand over your forehead, feeling how feverish your body still was. There were few hints of sweat streaming from your forehead. “Let me take care of you, I’ll just run you a bath, okay?”

     You childishly smile and agree with him, “O-okay.” He pulls back to be able to properly stand and proceeds to head to his shower with a huge smile from his face.

     You were his.

[lesbian-octoling]

hey, i was the orca anon. how you approached it and how you approached the situation was.. really upsetting. i genuinely just wanted to know the reasons behind your design choices and nothing else because i take interest in that, especially as someone who designs characters with a lot of personal thought that i insert into my characters, even for characters that are just adoptables. i tried to state multiple times in the ask i wasnt coming for you in any way and i wasn't trying to say it was bad or to frame you badly, i just wanted to see what influences your designs and what story you want to make with the characters you design - if it was a intentional design choice, and if it wasnt i was just going to be like Okay ! cool. and if it was? okay cool, id like to learn more about it and thats all. genuinely, no harm was meant. i also want to state that i dont support or source peta whatsoever nor was that ever stated in my ask (so please dont put words into my mouth, you do not know where i come with my knowledge whatsoever from that ask alone), my knowledge also comes from studying marine zoology and studies (i cant quote exactly every single source im coming from here, but for example [Matkin, C. O., and E. Saulitis. 1997. "Restoration Notebook: Killer Whale (Orcinus orca)." Exxon Valdez Oil Spill Trustee Council, Anchorage, Alaska.] , [https://web.archive.org/web/20070221111451/http://www.nwr.noaa.gov/Marine-Mammals/Whales-Dolphins-Porpoise/Killer-Whales/Conservation-Planning/upload/SRKW-propConsPlan.pdf], running out of space for this please understand i cant insert more) but please know i am coming from a similar place from you and not just some random internet weirdo trying to vindicate or villify you.

I never said you were lol

I clearly stated that if you were genuinely asking. Then that's fine??? I literally apologized in the post if i misread it. And then answered the question genuinely

I have a lot of people who try 2 start drama on my blog, so you can't blame me for being wary. Especially since you are an anon, and you could literally be anyone. Like... you're right! I don't know your background at all!!! You could be anyone!!!! Like. You do see how that's scary to me, a person who's been accused of literally everything under the sun (antisemitism, racism, anti-lgbt, pedophilic, anti-asexual, literal MURDER ive been accused of MURDER on my CALLIE SIDEBLOG after I turned off anon) just for shits and giggles cus people have to try to make up stuff instead of just saying they don't like me. Literally none of which is true. Girl I literally am ace . lmao

So yeah! I was wary!!!! Cus people are usually mean!!!!! And you kind of ARE a random internet guy to me!!!! But i also did apologize and explain my reasoning.

Also the PETA thing wasn't @ you, it was @ anyone reading the post cus I'm passionate abt zoo and animal welfare facts. I didn't put words in your mouth, I never said you supported them, I was just stating to people that you shouldn't trust PETA cus it was part of what I was talking abt. Cus I noticed it's the first thing when you google and I wanted to point it out cus lots of people who don't do research trust the first fact they see, which in this case was... not good lol

TLDR I apologize that I upset you, but also I don't think I was wrong in what I did? Because you ARE a faceless stranger and your intentions and tone are a mystery to me. So i answered both as if it was in bad AND good faith. So if it was in good faith than the first bullet wasn't aimed at you. Which I stated

[honeysweetbabyfrisk]

my byf page is out of date and i cant edit it on mobile so heres a pinned post!

you can call me fen, im in my mid 20s, and i'm part of a d.i.d system (prof. dx'd). i wont really talk about that on this blog but it does mean that sometimes its running entirely on queue here because i'm just not around

inbox rules:

- all anon hate and most discoursey asks will be deleted! i want this to stay a positive space. if you have genuine questions about my stance on something and you ask respectfully thats alright, but if youre looking to debate please dm me or ask off anon so i can answer you privately or just leave me out of it

- its okay if you want to vent anonymously in my inbox but please dont send anything triggering without warning

- similarly, its fine to ask for advice but please dont send me anything triggering without warning, and respect that i'm a person with my own stuff going on so i may not answer right away or even have the answer youre looking for

- any asks about callouts for any user will be deleted. i dont want to participate in that culture, and half the ones ive seen are just harrassment campaigns that do no one any good

- if i reblog from a terf or someone similar, please tell me! i dont have shinigami eyes and didnt mean to, just tell me which post it is and i'll take it down

- if i reblog from you and you didnt want me to just lmk and i'll take it down

things you should know before following:

- i identify as queer and will not tag any posts as "q slur," and if i see you reblogging from me using that tag i will block you

- im a critical inclusionist, meaning if someone's identity isnt hurting anyone (not the same thing as making people uncomfortable) and has historical and/or cultural precedent to exist in context, im quite content to take them at their word in good faith and welcome them into the communities that they by all rights already belong to. an example of this would be: i have nothing against and believe mspec gays and lesbians, ace and aro people, other SAM users, and people with mogai identities and microlables when they tell me who they are, but i do not believe transabled people and believe they and their movements are harmful.

- on that, i believe quite firmly that all endogenics are either traumagenic and in denial or misinterpreting symptoms of other illnesses or experiences and do not support the endogenic community, as their impact does real world damage to d.i.d and osdd systems, what they claim is scientifically impossible, and their only history is one of ableism and causing harm. i will never fakeclaim on this blog, i do not endorse fakeclaiming, i will not answer any asks about syscourse or fakeclaiming. if you want to see my reasoning, please search "syscourse" on my blog, but that is the extent you will get from me.

- i am trans and i dont want terfs, transmeds, gender critical, gender- or bio-essentialists, transandrophobic people (including people who think its transmisogynistic to talk about transandrophobia/transmisandry or that its not real), or any otherwise transphobic people in any capacity anywhere near me. this includes people who insist on knowing the assigned sex of others and assigning people oppression by whats in their pants. tma ≠ amab and tme ≠ afab. those were originally words by and for the intersex community, dont take and twist them.

- i am physically, mentally, and cognitively disabled. i will block you if i see you being ableist in any capacity

- my cottagecore blog is purely for comforting aesthetic and nostalgia and does not inherently infer anything about my values as a person. tradfems are not welcome here. racists are not welcome here. people who think the aesthetic is about manifesting destiny or otherwise white land ownership and expansion are not welcome here. this blog explicitly supports indigenous sovreignity and land back movements. this blog is explicitly welcoming to poc, especially black and indigenous peoples.

- i follow and reblog from minors and people without listed ages. please do not reblog to kink or explicit blogs.

- i am firmly against illegal or barely-legal content of all sorts, and against narratives that glorify or romanticize abuse of all kinds, pedophilia, and incest. i also think that that does not mean no media or books featuring any of those topics should exist at all; it's very important to have those things publically condemned so people being hurt in that way know its not normal and theyre not alone. silence and taboo only aids predators

- i am very firmly against "MAPs" or whatever theyre choosing to call themselves now, zoophiles, and "consanguinamory." i do not want anyone who is not explicitly against these things anywhere near me. you are not welcome here. you will not only be blocked, but also reported.

- i am personally uncomfortable with the following blog types and will block you if you follow from one or post frequently about the following topics: pro ana/other ed, thinspo, meanspo, gore, ageplay/ddlg, entirely nsfw, discourse, callout. these catagories are subject to change.

- both my boyfriend and i are unemployed and living under the poverty line, relying on his ssi payments and foodstamps to live. if you are able to help we would appreciate it, although i urge minors to not donate or buy us things as i think adults taking financial aid from children is dubiously ethical. paypal kofi amazon links online shop

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad

chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG

~

ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF

~

oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO

Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh

🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!

not me being a leader of whateva

~

it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)

In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass 

Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.

SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!

Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around

So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........

Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:

I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me! 

Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68

You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing. 

I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end

tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(

Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨

I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.

The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.

We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh 

Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess

if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works

~

Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well 

OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal. 

Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!

https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY

The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active. 

I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)

This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe

https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU

~

ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!

~~~

Edgics:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.

Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.

Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.

Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.

Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.

Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.

Fools

Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.

Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.

Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.

Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.

Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.

Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.

Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.

Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.

Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.

Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.

[sherlollydramoine]

I Hate U, I Love U

Warnings: 18+ only, strong language, fighting/name calling/sorta bullying, mentions of cheating, alcohol consumption, and smutty mcsmut smut -- unprotected (wrap it before you tap it, it’s the responsible thing to do)

This is just a piece of fiction and don’t necessarily believe that Rami is truly like this, but we’ll never really know. I got a request, so I wrote it. That is all.

This is combining two requests that I’ve had, one for a while, the other just came in. This is for @lablanchett (sorry darling, that it took me so long to get this one out for you. I had another piece that I’d been working on and I just couldn’t make it work the way I wanted, and then I accidentally drunkenly deleted it- I hope this makes up for it) and @aulile for their requests: Rami and gf fight and have steamy makeup sex, and Rami and gf have a fight and Rami says some mean shit. Hope this fits in with the idea of whatever it was that you both were looking for. 

Word Count: 1890, again this is actually just a reallllllly long HC.

“I don’t fucking believe you!!” you yelled.

“Seriously, how fucking stupid are you to not believe it?” he questioned.

“Obviously verrrry stupid, because you can’t make me believe any of it! You’ve lied to me before, how is this any different?” you countered, trying to prove your point.

“When did I lie to you?”

“When you were in London. You fed me some ‘oh we’re just friends’ bullshit.”

“That was different than this.

“How? How is this different? You cheated on me once, why should I believe you now?”

“Goddddd… YN you are such a fucking bitch. I don’t have the fucking time to deal with your temper tantrums today.”

“Then don’t. I’m gone. You’ve lied, lied, lied, and I’m fucking done!”

“Fine! But you’ll regret this if you walk out that door!”

“I don’t give a fuck anymore Rami, I don’t! I’m tired of being the faithful, loyal servant to you… or shall I say to you, your fucking royal highness. That Oscar win did sure go straight to your fucking head. You’ve become the ‘I can do whatever I want because I’m rich and famous’ type that you always said you hated.

“YN, seriously?”

You stormed off in the direction of your bedroom. You refuse to put up with this shit any longer, you need to escape, to get away and start fresh somewhere.

He followed you into your shared bedroom where you were grabbing a suitcase out of the closet and began chucking random items into it.

“So you’re really leaving me, is that it?”

“What the fuck does it look like. I told you that I’m done, so I’m fucking done.”

His demeanor completely changed, his body stiffened, his mouth set in a hard line, when he turned on his heel and stormed out of the bedroom, slamming the bedroom door in his wake. You watched a picture fall off the wall and shatter into a million pieces on the hardwood. 

You could hear the garage door open, followed shortly by the sounds of his car tires squealing out of the driveway.

You almost broke down in tears, but you had to stick to your guns. You weren’t actually entirely sure that he had done what you had accused him of, but you couldn’t handle the stress that being with him entailed anymore. And you couldn’t take back any of the hurtful words that you spat out.

You love him, very deeply, but sometimes he makes your blood boil.

Throwing whatever other random shit you think you might need, you slam the suitcase shut and zip it closed, you take off to the garage, get in your car and you certainly don’t look back

It took you a solid twelve weeks to stop crying, but eventually the hurt turned into more of a constant dull ache. It had been over seven months now since you’d seen him, and since then you’d flourished at work, gotten the promotion that you’d been working towards, and had made a bunch of new friends. 

You still talk to some of your old friends, the shared friends, but most of the communication with them died the moment you shut down all of your social media accounts.

Life was great for you, even though the hurt was still there, and despite the fact that you were living in a tiny ass shithole apartment in a shit part of LA, you were happy. You told yourself you didn’t need him, and you believed it

You had closed all your social media accounts, and turned off any and all notifications that came up with his name on your phone. You’d changed your number, and blocked his  just for good measure. You did this for your sanity. 

Your boyfriend was famous and you didn’t want to see all the shit that was being said about you online. You two had plenty of naysayers online and it would have dealt a crippling blow to your mental health.

So you honestly avoid using the internet at all, unless it’s necessary.

It was when you were nearing the eight month mark in your breakup that you saw him for the first time since you’d left. 

You were out for drinks with some of your friends, who were at that moment in time giving you shit for not being on any social media, when you saw him. 

You fought the urge to run and you kept your head down, not allowing yourself to openly stare like some of the others around you. Though you couldn’t help but notice that he looked kind of like shit. He seems as if he’d aged dramatically in nearly eight months, he looked too thin, and very worn down.

It was your turn to buy the round of shots so you made your way to the bar, standing on the opposite side from where he was sitting, occupying one of the stools.

You thought you’d remained out of sight until you heard a familiar voice behind you say your name.

You sighed audibly and turned around, ready to fight if necessary. You’ve done well without him, not sure you could say the same for him though.

“Yes?” you snipped, turning around to face the one person that you really didn’t want to deal with.

“I thought that was you. Wow, you uhhh… you look good.” You knew you did, but you couldn’t say the same for him. 

“Looks like I can’t say the same about.” you replied.

“Wow. You still are that same feisty woman that I knew and loved.”

“What the fuck do you want Rami? How can I help you tonight? I’m out with some friends and it’s just my turn to get the drinks.”

“I don’t want anything. I just wanted to tell you that I miss you is all.”

“Rami, I miss you too, every day. It took me three months to stop crying, and I really wanted to apologize for everything I said that day, but I can’t take it back and I’m not sure I want to.”

“I wanted to apologize to you too, and to tell you that you weren’t wrong. The things you accused me of doing. I did cheat, and I got caught. I tried to lie, but I should have known better.”

You suddenly felt as if you’d been hit in the stomach and all you wanted to do was cry. 

“Thank you for finally admitting to the truth. I appreciate it. Look…. Oh God.. I’m going to regret this, but I’ve changed my number and I’ve blocked your old one. Is your number stilll the same?”

“No.”

“Give me your phone.” you demanded.

He doesn’t hesitate as he hands you his phone, you still remember his unlock pattern, so you swiped it and went into his ‘CONTACTS’ section. You entered your name and new number.

“Please Rami, don’t make me regret this.”

He smiled, a genuine toothy smile, the same one that he was famous for as he took his phone back.

“Can I give you a hug?” he asks.

“Sure I guess, why the hell not.”

He wraps his arms around you and squeezes tight, probably tighter than he should have, but you breath him in and a flood of memories came rushing back. The good, the bad, the truly ugly; you just wanted him back.

“Thank you” he says, with a smile.

He didn’t make you regret your decision to give you his number and over the next five months you’ve slowly allowed him back into your life. You’ve not been intimate but you’ve remained good friends. He slowly started to look healthier again, less gaunt and looking much more like he used to before you had left him. 

One day mid-September you suddenly started to feel really sad, and then you remembered. Your anniversary. You two would have been celebrating five years together.

You randomly call Rami and to see if he was available to come over, in which he stated that he was. You were nervous as he’d never actually been to your place before. It certainly wasn’t what he had become accustomed to over the past few years. This place was a dump. 

When he finally showed up, he just slowly walked around your apartment, not really commenting unless it’s a casual,”I like what you’ve done with your space. It feels so homey and so very you.”

He appeared oblivious to the reason for your sudden need to see him, and with an urgency you didn’t expect you pounced on him.

He was caught off guard by your sudden grip on his collar as you pulled him to you which resulted in him nearly tripping over the rug you had on the floor in your living room, your lips crashing into his with a force that almost made your teeth clash together.

Lips locked in a heated kiss, that had you whimpering with need in no time. You could feel him erection straining against his pants.

Moving towards your bedroom and wasting no time in shedding clothing, both of your hands going everywhere before his find out core, his fingers working their magic on you as you bucked your hips furiously against his hand. Your moans filling the small room. 

You came around his fingers with a cry of his name.

Looking up at him, silently begging, you felt him line himself up with your entrance as he slide into you roughly.

His hips pounding into yours, fucking into you with an animalistic urgency.

“OOOOHHHH GODDDDD YESSSSSSSS RAMIIIIIIIIII RAMIIIIII” you screamed

The bed rocking violently, headboard banging into the wall, like a beating drum

Your hands clawed at his back, and your hips moving in time to each others thrusts

“YESSS YN...THATS MY GIRL… CUM BABY… CUM FOR ME” he moaned 

His hands on your hips holding you steady as your walls began clenching around him for the second time that night, 

With another scream of his name, you came undone, body quaking, as you felt his cock twitch and he followed shortly with a shout of your name as he spilled his warm essence into you.

He collapsed on top of you, both of you just tangled together a sweaty panting mess

“That was the best possible makeup sex ever” he laughed into your hair.

“Yeah, like thirteen months later.” you pointed out, before somehow dissolving into a fit of giggles.

“So, what brought this on?”

“It would have been our five year anniversary in a few days, and I was sad. I decided that I wanted you back. You’ve proven to me that you’ve changed, and I still love you. So… can we almost pretend that these last thirteen month never happened? Do you really want me back Rami?”

He never said yes or no, instead he captured your lips in another kiss before he mumbled,”Give me a few minutes, and then we can really piss off your neighbors.”

You just giggle again, snuggle into his chest and tell him that you are happy to oblige, as you hate your neighbors. Because at least three times a week they have really loud fights, intense fights followed by what sounds like really intense makeup sex themselves. So that can’t even begin to judge you for getting laid in the year that you’ve lived here.

@txmel @xmxisxforxmaybe @itsme690 @mrhoemazzello @ramimedley @free-rami @r-ahh-mi