#but if you had a turtle summon who lived through most of it

[chasing-posts]

Gai Week, Day 4; Turtle

Ninjas don't live long. Every time you see an elderly ninja, you must be extra weary: for they have survived long past their prime, and have taken down oceans of men who tried to cut them down.

Most ninjas won't get to know their history. They will not have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. Nor learn about the stories of the past unless they the extreme luck of being there personally when it happened, or knowing someone who was.

Even than, getting the full story revealed was exceptionally rare, as Ninjas are trained from birth to hide their secrets. So whatever you heard was unlikely to be completely truthful. The second hand information will lack detail, or be exaggerated past the point of realism to protect one secrets, or bolter ones ego.

With all that in mind, Gai knew there was only one way for a young man such as himself, to learn the history of the world. He would need to meet and gain the trust of someone not only old, but ancient. He would make a pact with someone without ego, who would be willing to tell the secrets of this world.

He could not look to man for answers...

Blood poured down his hand as he wrote his name on the scroll. Kakashi had told him the basics of summoning when they were little. How to make a contract. The amount of chakra needed. The cost of failure... that was before he closed his heart off to him. Before war had taken their friends and stripped them of what remained of their innocence. It had currently lead his beloved rival and friend to the shadows. Far away from him, and towards Danzo. A respected elder of the village, who had no respect for him.

Gai took a deep breath as he looked at his name written along the scroll. He wassn't supposed to have found this. The rogue ninjas he had taken down were thieves and opportunists who mistook his optism for obliviousness. And it had cost them their haul, their freedom and awarded Gai thier bounty once he returned home.

But for Gai, all that paled when he realized what they had in their possession. What these fools had over looked. They must have intended to sell it for a quick buck. But for him...he knew this one scroll would possibly change the future of his life.

He took a deep breath, channeling his chackra as he formed the hand seals he saw Kakashi perform hundreds of times before, and than he finally placed his hand down, watching the black seals erupt from under his palms.

The puff of smoke filled the area, Gai felt his eyes and smile widen. The giant shell came into view under his hands, gleaming in the dim light.

"Who are you, you little brat!?" The turtle called out. Biting at his hands.

Gai felt tears of joy fall down his face as he jumped away from the attack. He stared at the dark brown beak. The deep wrinkles under its eyes. Its rough skin was hanging off its body, mostly hidden under the rock hard shell. It was ancient...

But it was powerful.

It was everything Gai could have ever wanted.

"WHAT A JOY TO MEET SOMEONE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!" Gai exclaimed to the world. "I am Konoha's mighty yet youthful green beast: Maito Gai! And I would like to be your new summoner! If you'll have me!"

No matter what happened, Gai was going to make this relationship work.

[tmnt-tychou]

Previous shorts from this AU:

“Branded”

“The Pitt Boss”

This AU is meant for adult audiences and is not a happy, fluffy story. If you are easily triggered, this story/AU is not for you. Read at your own discretion.

The Favored

A Battle Nexus AU short

The last rule that Master Splinter had ever given them was this: never allow themselves to be separated from their brothers. Leaving the dojo, they were told to watch out for one another, protect each other. Always stay together, no matter what.

They were young then. They didn't understand the importance of their sensei's words at the time. The wisdom of his warning became clear far too quickly. Every bad thing that happened to them happened when they were alone. It was a lesson all of them had to learn the hard way. Now, in their thirtieth year, the turtle brothers stuck to each other like glue. But there still had to be exceptions to the rule.

The Daimyo had summoned Leonardo to the palace. He had no choice but to obey. Opportunities to curry favor with the magistrate were rare. The Daimyo was known to be fickle. So to reject any invitation was unwise and would most assuredly earn his ire—if not his fury.

As such, Leonardo allowed himself to be escorted from the cell he shared with his brothers in the pits. The three stood at the door, silently watching him leave with wary eyes. He was taken to the palace—as had happened before. Usually, this meant the Diamyo was hosting one of his large, extravagant parties. As he had become accustomed to, Leonardo was taken in through the back entrance where he was bathed and then dressed in silk robes. Far more proper attire to go before his lord.

He sat on his knees patiently as he was adorned with blue paint, the color he wore in battle. In the arena, it was slapped over him in sloppy patterns with a dry, stiff brush. Here, the palace staff  neatly drew delicate patterns upon his skin to pretty him up. To cover all the scars. As he was escorted down the servant hallways, he passed a mirror. The paint always made him look too feminine, too delicate. But he supposed that was what had been requested.

The party was already in full swing when Leonardo was led into the lavish room. A feast on long tables adorned the fall wall. A group of musicians played lively tunes while guests from many different lands danced and chatted happily with one another. Everything was lavish, plush, fresh. Leonardo was gristled, torn, damaged. He didn't belong in a place like this. Yet, his presence was requested nearly every time an even like this occured.

A guard remained on either side of him, watching his every move. No one announced his entrance. No one paid him any mind. Leonardo didn't expect them to. Though he was here by the Daimyo's invitation, he was under no misconception that he was any sort of guest. If anything, he was more like the entertainment.

The two guards remained on either side as Leonardo presented himself to the Daimyo, seated on his throne. He was an absolute mountain of a man, towering over all his subjects when he stood. Hair that used to be a fiery red—as fiery as his temper—was now nearly stark white with age. Leonardo knelt humbly before the lord, eyes lowered. His Magesty nodded in approval. No other Battle Nexus warrior—no matter how many victories he claimed—had ever been invited to the palace. It wasn't their place. The warriors were dangerous, feral. Some were even criminals.

But Leonardo, the leader of his champion team, had become favored of the Daimyo. Unlike many of his fellow fighters, he was educated, well-spoken, as well as polite and respectful. This caught the attention of not just the ruler of this land, but others in positions of power. And when Leonardo stood to face the party, many of the guests were pleased to see him.

As was expected of him, he walked into the crowd and talked politely to anyone who approached. Diplomats, politicians, the rich and influential. They knew him by name. Everyone did. He was famous in his own way. They told him of the matches they had seen of him and his brothers in the Battle Nexus. Leonardo always graciously thanked them for their praise and for their attendance. It was always expected of him to encourage attendance and patronage of the arena. Though to him, it made no difference. He would have to fight, no matter who came.

The party guests always approached him carefully at first, then they would crowd closer as Leonardo spoke in soft, polite tones. They would get bolder and more drunk as the night went on. They would forget he was a warrior; they would forget he was a killer. An animal kept in a cage, only brought out to fight and entertain. His clean robes and beautiful body paint were his disguise. And they were all easily fooled.

They would touch him, tentative at first, then boldly. His paint would be smudged by the end of the night by inebriated party guests who wanted to see what a turtle mutant's skin and shell felt like. They never asked, they just touched. And Leonardo had to allow it. Men and woman both would ask him inappropriate questions about his body and his relationship with his brothers and other fighters. Sometimes they would try to coax or even order him to take off his robes. Leonardo would always have to be charming and coy. He would have to dance out of awkward topcis and steer them back to polite conversation.

And then, when they were done touching and taking up his space, they would want him to put on a show. Someone would suggest the captain of the Battle Nexus Champion team show them why he deserved that title. They would want to see a demonstration of his skill and prowess. Someone always suggested it in a joking voice. Then another would agree as if it were such a novel thing. But Leonardo knew it always ended this way. And the guards who kept a sharp eye on him were always prepared.

Then, the most unheard of thing would happen. He would be given a pair of swords. Beautiful, ornate weapons with blue ribbons trailing delicately from the hilts. The kind of caliber he had only ever touched in the palace. A far cry from the dingy, blood-stained hunks of metal they gave the fighters in the ring.

With swords in hand, he would kindly request a generous amount of space before the throne. The Daimyo always had a front row seat in the show. The party went quiet as the band stopped their jovial strumming and the flutist would begin with a slow, haunting melody. And then, Leonardo would dance.

It was the only part he enjoyed. The music filled him, moved him. He could block out all the silent eyes watching and sink into his own world. A world of motion, strength and grace. He floated over the floor in a series of complicated katas, punctuated with kicks, spins and flips. The beautiful blades he held sang their own song as they cut through the air, going faster and faster. Leonardo was granted a small moment where he was only full of flight and music. Where he could pretend his hands weren't stained with blood, his body covered in scars. That he was free.

As he danced, all eyes were on him, and his attention was turned inward. But a motion caught his eye. An extra person up by the throne where no one else should be. Leonardo was already in motion, his body in its deadly dance, blades in his hand. A high jump, a spin, and one of the swords flew out of his hand with deadly precision.

It shot directly toward the Daimyo and embedded itself in the wood support beam next to his head. The long, delicate blade vibrated from the impact as everyone gasped. The Daimyo looked at his fighter—his property—with rage that his prize fighter would ever dare to do such a thing. Then he heard the wet gurgle behind him. He looked to see a female feline mutant, one of the servers at the party, was pinned by the sword, the blade going into her neck. Blood dribbled down her furry throat as she looked at the Daimyo with hate and rage. As she sucked in her last breath, a small knife that had been meant for the Daimyo himself fell from her hand and clattered on the floor.

Everyone was staring at everyone else in wide eyes. An attempt on the Daimyo's life and no one had been watching. In his own home by one of his own servants.

With rage, the Daimyo yanked out the blood-soaked blade and stared with fire at Leonardo. The party guests were dead quiet and even backing away further. They were all suddenly reminded that this turtle in their midst was no party guest, no entertainer, but a trained killer.

With the Daimyo's heated stare upon him, Leonardo immediately lowered his gaze and dropped to one knee in humble servitude. The crowd parted as the Daimyo descended the stairs, sword still dripping blood in his hand. Leonardo kept his gaze low and head down as the much larger man towered over him. The lord's shadow covered him, blocking out the light.

“You...you have just saved my life,” the Daimyo said with wonder in his voice.

Leonardo had taken no pleasure in killing a fellow mutant, especially one who wasn't a trained fighter. He understood the hate mutants had for the lord of this land. He understood how they were all mere property to the Daimyo and his subjects. But her death would have been for more gruesome, more painful, if she had lived to be arrested for her crime.

“I am your servant and your protector, Highness,” he said humbly.

“For what you have done, I grant you one favor. I will take you out of the Battle Nexus. I will give you a job in my palace. I will make you one of my personal guards, if you wish it.”

A murmur rose from the crowd. Anyone could end up in the Battle Nexus, but no one got out of it. It was the very last stop for anyone caught in its hold.

“I...I thank you for your generous offer, Highness,” Leonardo said carefully. His heart raced in fear. “But I cannot accept. I cannot leave my brothers.”

The Daimyo frowned. “You reject my favor? You reject a gift from your Daimyo?”

The murmurs rose up.

Leonardo bent down lower, prostrate on the ground. His forehead touched the floor in submission. He tried his best to keep the shaking out of his voice.

“I require no reward for your protection. It is my duty, my honor, to be of service. I humbly request to stay with my family and to bring you glory with my team.”

The Daimyo looked down at the shell of the mutant below him and the anger slowly seeped out of him.

“Very well. If this is your wish, I will allow it. You may return to your brothers.”

Though no one else could see, Leonardo closed his eyes and sighed in relief. “Thank you.”

By now, it was clear the party would not continue as guards were already dragging the dead mutant away, leaving a trail of blood. The Daimyo told his turtle subject to rise and then gave him a dismissive motion. Guards approached to relieve Leonardo of his remaining sword and to escort him out of the party. He was more than happy to leave.

But he didn't get too far from the party when a male voice followed him out.

“Leonardo.”

That voice crawled up his shell like a spider and he had to fight not to cringe and frown.

“Your Highness,” he said with deference as he turned around

The Daimyo's son leaned against the wall, his frame tall and lean. His expression always slightly disingenuous. He had been at the party and often in Leonardo's line of sight. Most likely on purpose. Leonardo had pretended to never notice him. “Quite a show you gave us out there. You scared a few of the ladies. I think they had forgotten how dangerous you can be.”

“Your father was almost killed,” the turtle reminded. “I did what I had to do.”

“Yes, how lucky for him you were there.” He sounded very unconcerned that he had nearly lost his parent that night. “Too bad the party had to end early. I'm going to keep the festivities going elsewhere with some friends. You must join us.”

Leonardo set his jaw. All he wanted was to go back to his brothers, but the prince waved the guards away. Leonardo watched them go with a sinking in his chest. He wanted to leave with them. He wanted to be out of this place.

The Daimyo's son slid up to him, slipped a finger under his chin to turn the turtle's ice blue eyes up at him.

“You will come with me,” the prince grinned. An order, not a request. And it was just as dangerous to ignore his invitation as it was his father's.

He leaned down to claim the mutant's mouth. Kissed the fighter without fear. Pressed his body into the firm plastron and ran his hands over solid muscle, mussing the body paint even more.

Leonardo allowed it. He had no other choice.

***************

On nights like this, the brothers never slept, even though the morning would come all too soon and it would be back to heavy training. There would be no sleep if one of them was missing.

In the waning hours of the night, a dispassionate and tired Leonardo was escorted back to his cell and locked inside with his brothers. The other three greeted him in relief. Though he had been returned to them every time, there was always that fear that one day they would never see him again.

He was back in his old, threadbare clothes with a few smears of blue body paint still on his arms and face. More often than not, he would return from the palace smelling like other people. The scent of so many other people all over him. Some smells stronger than others. One smell in particular was always there.

Raphael remembered the first time Leonardo was returned to them, smelling of strangers and looking so hollow inside. He was never one who liked to be touched. That aversion made him sharper and faster in the arena. But that night, he had curled up against Michelangelo and shoved his snout in his brother's neck, desperate to smell something familiar.

The first few times, he had talked about the palace, about the parties and what it was like. After that night, the night when he looked so hollow, he never talked about it again. The brothers never asked. They already knew. And they would let their proud, fearless brother curl up against them on the nights when he came back, covered in the stink of everything non-mutant and non-turtle. They would let him smell their familiar smell until he no longer felt like he was going to throw up from the stench of it. They would curl up around him so he would smell like them instead. Like reptiles and dank, musty cells. It wasn't a home, but it was what smelled safe to all of them.

That night, instead of merely resting against his brothers to sleep, Leonardo was extra clingy. Raphael grunted as he was practically in a hug from his brother.

“Jeeze, Leo. You okay?”

Into his shoulder, Leonardo whispered. “I almost didn't make it back.”

The pile of turtles reacted like the coils of a snake, tightening around their team captain. Keeping him with them. Above all else, they had to adhere to their sensei's order. They always, always had to stay together.

Tag List: @thelaundrybitch @turtle-babe83 @red-phoenixxx @leosgirl82 @dilucsflame33 @akesdraws-blog @happymoonangel @fluffytriceratops @beautifulfunanchor @asultrysiren

[rottmnt-hc]

Entering the Bay

Warnings: mentioned kidnapping, mentioned killing, Author's Note in the end

New York had been in relative peace since (out of the shadows) the turtle brothers came into the light.

Though there was still the threat of the Foot Clan and their leader Karai, who's been planning her revenge.

Trying to find the perfect weapons to wield against her enemies, the most powerful.

She found them, in the form of children. More turtles, but different.

She lost the two she took with the most promising outcome, to a creature.

And she hates losing…

========

Far from the crazy assassin lady, were two young teens and their gruff father.

Raphael, named after an angel per his mother's request, stood proudly in his bright red hoodie. A grin on his face as he victoriously carried three bags of McDonald's, each carrying something different. He is a blasian male (all pronouns actually) that has his hair braided in the front only to stop into a puffball at the back of his head, being held by a red scarf. Standing at 6'5, he has a faint scar on his left eye, a tanky exterior and sharp looking teeth.

Walking in the dead of night with his younger brother, to a rooftop

In front carrying a suitcase was Donatello, named after a famous Renaissance artist as per father's request, walking quickly with excitement. Royal Purple hoodie and a sly grin as the two walked towards the Hudson.

Donatello was a blasian kid (they/him) with an afro puff at the back of his head held in place by a pair of custom goggles with a purple bandana. He is 5'5 with a muscular build and deep faint scarring on his back and equally sharp looking teeth.

They were curious about the so called heroes of New York but didn't seek them out, instead the two looked for a way home.

Their true home…a different dimension, their dimension.

"Raph, I'm telling you stargazing isn't going to help anyone with anything." Though the smile on his face was telling.

"Yea, but Barry is going through it and I think we deserve a break, home school is hard man." He took the lead and led his brother to a rooftop.

Once the coast was clear, Raphael summoned his Ninpo and carried the cargo to their roof.

They claimed this rooftop as their own day three of being here, noone disturbed them and they kept to themselves.

Both kids refuse to admit they needed this, their Big Brothers day…which is actually a few months but needed.

Serious talks quickly turned stupid and goofy as the days went on. Learning more about each other since their last BBD.

As Donnie set up his telescope, Raph decided to start the random questioning.

"Okay, if you had to pick, would you rather prank a soap factory or a fireworks factory?"

"What made you think of that? Fireworks, especially before 4th of July, fill all of it with either whipped cream or oil. I both love and hate them. What about you?" 

"Soap, especially that one soap that dries out my hands. Look, I steal all the glitter in New York, and throw it in the soap mix. Everyone gets pranked now."

"You are by far the most evil person I know, glitter? Yep, thank whoever's listening they didn't give you the energy to commit these high acts of crime against humanity. They should've arrested you on the spot."

They laughed faintly noticing a moving shadow but ignoring it as they continued their game, "Ok, ok, how about super powers? What would you pick?"

"Flight."

"Not Strength? Dude you're a muscle guy, I would have never figured flight."

"Okay listen, I might not be able to bench press a bus, but I'd be happy zooming around in the air. What about you? And don't say super smart, you don't need twice that."

"Haha laughing sarcastically, telekinesis so I can do a bunch of things at once…but thanks for saying I'm super smart."

Raph passed his brother his bag of plain burgers and fries (he did make a fuss about the plain and got it plain), "Okay time for the moment of truth, evil villain knows where you live and what your family looks like, what do you do to him after getting him down."

"That's a hard one, on one hand…murder isn't good, on the other hand I'd kill for you. Pros, world's safe, no one else gets hurt, my family is safe…cons, that shit will live with me, might be considered a villain afterwards, still might get my family hurt, they have kids."

"....I didn't say you'd be a hero dumbass."

"Murder. That fucker messed with the wrong family."

Taking a bite out of a burger, Donnie and Raph stared at the in coming stars on the screen in silence.

The shadows behind them got closer, so Raph shifted a bit forward to look at the screen.

He always thought the galaxy looked pretty and grinned, "I think I could rock a dress in those colors." (Do you think we'll have to fight?)

"Really? I mean you could if you had the right cut." (Probably not, we'll have to wait)

"Ooh, so apparently people eat turtles…should I add that to the bucket list?" (They smell like turtle, maybe won't be attacked?)

"I don't know how to respond to that, maybe. Should we head home? I think I got a full scan." (We should leave.)

Raph stood up and started cleaning up their mess while Donnie packed his equipment and decided to walk along the rooftops.

At the corner of his eye he sees a shadow move and decided to play along, his head quickly turned towards the hiding places as a quick scan.

"Phae? What's up?" Donnie sounded monotone to everyone who didn't know him, but he sounded amused.

"Thought I saw something, nevermind I guess. Come on, let's get to populated roads please."

"I don't think you should be going anywhere that way little bros." A voice called out from the shadows.

There was a thump before a soft "ow" followed.

Donnie was the one to answer, "Oh yea? Why not?

"Uh, dangerous people? Kidnapping? Why are you even here alone?"

Raph's face morphed into confusion, "Why, you gonna kidnap us?"

Donnie narrows his eyes, "That's creepy, our kidnappers talking to their victims before kidnapping us. Bro I'm fifteen, I don't need this drama. If I'm getting kidnapped just do it."

"We're not kidnapping you-"

"That's exactly what a kidnapper would say, the suspense is killing me."

A gruff "That's not the only thing gonna kill you-"

"Did you bring an army with you!? And you're skipping the kidnapping!?" Raph managed to keep his voice even enough for it to sound hurt.

"They must know you're a tank, they need friends to take you." Donnie sounded a bit high pitched, he was trying not to laugh.

"ENOUGH!" This new voice has the two flinching and it continued a bit softer, "You kids should head home, and don't come back. Gangs like to appear here."

Raph groans, "We've been coming here for months now, no gangs!"

Though the thought did run through his head, were they being hunted?

Donnie huffed obviously perturbed, "Fine, I think I got what I need. Come on Raph."

"Wait, what's your name!?" It was the lighter voice again that Raph assumed was this world's Michaelangelo.

"The fuck are you asking my name for?" He felt really defensive all of a sudden.

There was silence before they continued, "My name is Michaelangelo, what's your name."

There were hushed scoldings before Raph huffed, "Raphael, yes named after an Angel."

"Donatello, mostly cause dad was an art dweeb." There was a gasp of air before Raph's phone buzzed.

"Dona, we gotta go. Pops is freaking out." Raph said after reading the message.

Donnie gave his brother a look before starting to climb down the building.

They started walking away when they heard a huge thing behind them.

It took everything in both their powers not to move.

A more analyzing voice, being directly behind them, spoke, "You didn't run, why?"

"Honestly, we don't know if you have guns. Besides you just said gangs like to show up here, running will just make them notice us." Donnie sounded confused so Raph picked up

"Also, we are new to New York and I wanna stop by the corner store."

"Really? You took down ten double cheeseburgers and three large fries, how are you still hungry?!"

"How do you know I didn't want something to drink? I mean I am getting some chips but I'm actually pretty thirsty."

Three more large thuds made themselves known, "Dang kid, you play sports?"

"Nope? At least not yet, but I'm kinda going to work my way into working with kids." It was true, Raph was a great assistant teacher when April needed him.

This time Donnie's phone vibrates, Barry's panicked words flashed across the screen.

The two finally turned towards their "stalkers" and did a quick look over.

They were all big and bulky, they probably have Raph beat in height but he's got them all in bulk.

With a grin Raph nods, "I can take you. Most definitely."

The red bandana, Raphael, grinned, "You wanna test that? I will be happy to give you a shot."

The analytical one, Donatello, hit his arm, "Well my name is also Donatello, I'm Michelangelo's older brother. This is my twin Raphael, don't let his appearance fool you, he's a softy."

Raphael gave a growl that sent shivers up Donnie's spine but Raphie stood his ground with narrowed eyes.

The blue mask sighed, "I am Leonardo, the leader of the group. Because my brothers introduced us to total strangers, means we'll be seeing each other again. We'll make sure you make it home."

There was a silent conversation that was missed but nonetheless they kept their word and escorted them home.

Once inside Raph pulled his little brother to the side to huff, "We literally just showed them where we live…should I be worried."

Donnie groaned and shrugged, "Probably, welp, let's face the music."

They entered the apartment to see Baron Draxum in his human form glory, he looked more startled than actual concerned.

With a sigh of relief he hugged them, "Boys, what did I say about texting me whenever you're out."

"Sorry Barry, we didn't mean to worry you."

"We got caught up in the stars, which I think I have enough data for my project!"

The old goat groaned with a smile, "Go wash up, you might be homeschooled but I want to relax this weekend."

The two washed their faces and brushed their teeth and hair.

"You finishing up tonight or tomorrow?" Raph was putting on his pajamas, a large grey t-shirt and bright red shorts, and grabbing his phone from the counter.

"I'll do it tomorrow, tonight was kinda draining. Weird encounter though, honestly I didn't expect it." Donnie was in silk purple pajamas and phone in hand.

The two went into separate rooms to sleep, unknowing the true dangers they'll be in.

A/N: Originally, Big Mama was supposed to be the one in the Bayverse with the boys, but then I would have written her joining Karai for her machine just to get double and triple crosses...

[okamiprincess15]

List of rottmnt fanfic crossovers I’d currently LOVE to see:

Some kind of Final Fantasy crossover (preferably FF14 but I’m not too picky on this, I’ll take what I can get). I just wanna see the boys dressed up in Final Fantasy esque outfits and use FF type magic and summons. (If not Final Fantasy then some other sort of JRPG series like Wild Arms, Dragon Quest, the Mana series, the Tales series, the Star Ocean series, or the Xenosaga series will do. Donnie would probably be ecstatic with the technology of either of those last two.)

RWBY (they’d almost NEVER be bored for long on Remnant with all those Grimm to kill. And Donnie would LOVE the weapons, as well as the chance to study Dust)

Stargate (either SG1 or Atlantis) Possible Idea: What if one of the two missing female turtle siblings (I’m thinking Jennika, although she’d probably be named Jennifer in this instead. I just love the idea of a heavy metal loving snapper type female turtle.) winds up in the custody of a member of SG-1 as a turtle tot (Perhaps having been rescued from the NID?)? And post Kraang invasion Casey Jr. is the one to inform the rest of the Hamato Clan that, ‘Hey Draxum? Those two female turtles you thought were dead are actually alive. One of them’s Big Mama’s assistant, and the other was raised by a member of the US Air Force.’

4. ASOIAF (NOT THE TV SHOW, THE BOOKS!! That last season was especially awful.). I love the idea of the turtles having to navigate through politics and political intrigue (Rise Leo would probably be especially good at it). I’m thinking maybe the Krang had a failsafe that would cause the planet to slowly start dying, that was put into place not long after getting out of the prison dimension, in case they were somehow sealed away in the prison dimension again (they may all have a superiority complex but they’re not stupid, if it could happen once it could happen again). And that Sister Kraang activated it before being captured by the E.P.F. (It was never utilized in the bad timeline because they were obviously winning, so Casey Jr. didn’t , nor anyone else in the resistance, know about it). The Kraang, knowing that Earth still didn’t have the technology for interstellar space flight, assumed that this would spell the end of Earth native sentient life if activated.

However Donnie was able to get an early enough warning (a few months after the invasion) with sufficient proof through his tech, that the Hamatos were able to warn the human and yokai governments of the world. There wasn’t enough time to develop and build sufficiently advanced space ships to get most of Earth’s population off before the Earth expired. However it WAS deemed possible to make a very large dimensional portal to a planet with a similar environment to Earth’s with enough mystic artifacts designed to handle dealing with the immense strain, with Mikey with the help of a bunch of other yokai mages opening the portal. And while Earth’s entire yokai population is small enough to be brought through, they’d still only be able to bring with them a fraction of the Earth’s human population (a fact that haunts the Hamato Clan for the rest of their lives), and thus the human governments had to prioritize who would make the journey.

I’m thinking since so little is known about it, that they wind up in the mysterious landmass of Ulthos when Raph is 19, in the year 295 AC. And through a series of events (including the fact that they saved Earth from the Kraang invasion and Mikey’s instrumental role in the ‘evacuation’ of Earth) that the Hamato Clan practically becomes major nobility, possibly being the closest thing to royalty, in the new Ulthos civilization by the turtles early twenties.

Suggested Pairings: I was thinking they could be Leo/Usagi (they met during the beginning of the preparation for the evacuation and got married not long after arriving in Ulthos)

Raph/Dacey Mormont (A Mormont woman would probably be the only type of noblewoman not to be scared off by Raph’s appearance and size, plus she’s awesome and I hate how she got killed off in canon. Her being in Ulthos with her husband, would be better then killing her off in my opinion)

Donnie/ a daughter of Bu Gai, the current Azure Emperor of Yi Ti (initially a political arranged marriage due to Yi Ti’s close proximity to Ulthos, as well as being a major trade partner, but they do eventually fall in love. Leo and Raph are NOT happy about their family being put into a position by the newly created Ulthos government where their father had to accept the betrothal, since Leo and Raph both married for love, but Donnie is pragmatic enough to not publicly put up too much of a fuss. Might make for good plot, since Yi Ti by the time ASOIAF starts is based on Imperial China, vaguely based on the Three Kingdoms era.)

Mikey/ A daughter of a Braavosi Magister (another arranged marriage from another major trade partner of Ulthos, but they do grow fond of each other). Course these are just suggestions, feel free to pick what you want as long as it makes sense.

[keicordelle]

Waterlogged Windbag

Commission I did for a friend who left me with “Garuda x Susano” and that Endwalker scene where they actually interact, which spawned this delightful shitpost of a fic

-

Garuda, like any god worthy of the name, knew all the goings on of the star, even when she wasn't actually present on it. Not that she usually cared about the antics of the smallfolk. Those who worshiped her were permitted to live, the rest should die. Usually, at least.

This omnipotence meant she was also more than passingly familiar with the shelled, water-aspected primal who was somehow soaring through her air, as if they belonged in the skies. Worse still than the affront of their very presence was the fact that they seemed to be trying to woo her.

What any mortal could see in the nattering lummox was beyond her. Even those bumbling reptiles who called them their god should be able to see what an unrepentant fool they were, with their hulking frame and cumbersome plates of armor. And they didn't soar through the air so much as flowed through it, like they mistook her skies for their foul brine. And as if that wasn't enough offense, as if the very fact of being summoned to propel unworthy mortals through her domain was not sufficiently insulting to her dignity, they had the gall to flirt with her!

And poorly, too. Not that it would have been better if they had flirted well, but perhaps it would have relieved the insult to this injury just a hair. But no. Lord of Revels, the turtle-folk called them. Give her a break.

"Come now, do not sulk so! Such a pretty face would look better twisted in delight than in sour misery!"

She scowled at them, refusing to grant them the honor of her attention as though they might cease their senseless prattle if only she refused to entertain it, but alas, they proved to be undeterred by her silence.

"And what a lovely face it is, truly! Thy lips so full, thy pointed chin, so becoming - and an ample bosom besides! Thy followers are truly enviable, to chance to look upon thee at their leisure."

She regretted scowling so soon, if only because it meant there remained no room for her lips to twist further downward. Who were they to assert the loveliness of her features when they themselves were naught but tangled seaweed reefed forth on a sailor's line? They wouldn't know true beauty if it slid beneath their ridiculous plates and stabbed them.

"And how thy heavens hold thee aloft! Thy viridian plumes shine in the glow of the sun, and the wind ripples through thy wings like seaweed in a stream. Truly, tis a marvelous sight. There's nowhere we'd rather be than right here to take it in."

"There are an infinite number of places I'd rather you be," Garuda bit back.

"But name thy preferred location - it would be our honor and our pleasure to visit it with thee."

"Why don't we start with the depths of the earth and we can go from there? The weight of a thousand tonze of crushing earth might well wring some worth from that limp pile of algae you call a brain."

"I know not if Titan would welcome our presence, but surely even that old rock could not stand in the way of our whirlwind romance!"

"If you think the term whirlwind will endear you to me, I fear you are mistaken. I would much prefer to feast upon your viscera than dally with a flightless halfwit such as you. Even the wildest if my winds could not blow away the stench of rotting fish that wafts from your breath."

Susano laughed merrily, as though she hadn't just threatened to skin them alive. Perhaps their grasp on the mortal tongue was lacking. Or perhaps they were merely determined to irritate her to death. "If it is thy desire to devour us whole, we should certainly not complain! To have thy lips wrapped around our flesh would be a most pleasant outcome indeed!"

Tch. Why did she even bother? She should have just kept her mouth shut. She returned her gaze to the horizon, studiously ignoring her would-be suitor as they swooped around her, cutting through the air to twirl and dance on the winds. She had to concede, more than a little begrudgingly, that they did move well through the air. Even if they practically swam through it instead of flying freely. The two were no so dissimilar, their foul waters and her glorious skies. Not that she'd ever admit that aloud.

Still they needled at her, bumbling jibes and flirtatious innuendos that made her grit her teeth. They were incessant and irritating, like the buzz of a fly she had yet to swat.

So she swatted.

"Very well," she snapped. "If you think yourself so formidable, then I shall concede to your request but once. Show me what it means to rejoice with the Lord of Revelry."

The self-satisfied air that gathered around him promised she would regret her outburst. "Oh I assure you, so long as thou art in our company, thou shalt not want for gaiety!" They snatched up her hand, tugging her into a twirling spiral that danced through her heavens. "Let the revels begin!"

-

Originally here on Ao3!

And if ever you’re interested in a shitpost like this (or something more serious!) of your own, I offer ficlet comissions on my kofi - or if you’re interested in something longer, just send me a DM and we can talk

[tblsomedoodles]

Now, Draxum? He knew the turtles were special yes, he specifically created them to be the most powerful warriors who ever lived. Even so, he had never expected just how powerful and special the boys are! He knew they'd be great because of the DNA that was spliced with them and the formula he used, and for much of hia early interactions with them he had attributed their success to that (and he'd be right in regards to early s1 turtles), but I don't think he expected them to have mystic powers of their own.

My evidence comes into the fact that he actively states he had not known about the Hamato ninpo and the fact that beforehand, they had just been normal turtles before mutation. While that can be said of any of their enemies, there is a distinct difference between the Hamstos' mystic powers and those of the mutants. The mutants only had either bee outing abilities of either their human selves or their animal mutations enhanced, with Ghost Bear and Todd as the only exception I can think of. The Hamatos have powers going well beyond what a human or turtle is capable of. I e pect thay the reason there were 4 mystic weapons in Draxum's Vault with powers in 4 distinct colors and the favt he was completely unsurprised they had the powers they did also comes I to play as well. One weapon with special powers for each turtle to use.

So Draxum expected his turtles to be a success but was completely blindsided by how much of a success they were when they were continuously able to escape him and ruin his plans with seemingly very little formal training, but that was attributed to his design more than anything. When he was redeamed and learned of the Hamato family legacy, he attributed their skill with mystic powers and eventually the ability to use powers without a weapon or summon said weapon from their souls as an attribute inherited form Splinter.

Then Mikey opened a dimensional portal with his bare hands and CJ got sent back in time.

Draxum would be flabbergasted as a dimensional portal is am impossibility of unreal levels, and the fact that his youngest son was capable of such and survived was a miracle! Even more so when he discovered that within Mikey is the potential to travel through time! He is highly impressed with the matter as while the Hamato DNA and his formula may have aided in the endeavor, there is no questioning on the abilities Mikey has now unlocked being his own deep potential with mystic power as an individual. He chocks it up as a one time thing tho since there's no way in hell such a rare and powerful ability as what Mikey is capable of is more than a one off exception.

And then he gets his suspicions about Leo being a seer confirmed. The ability to see into the future isn't as unheard of as time travel itself, but it is just as rare and impressive as an ability, especially with how detailed Leo's dreams are once they're able to catch and record them.

Draxum realizing how powerful those boys really are like this is kind of hilarious because by now he's pretty reformed, but the thought that had he would have been unstoppable if he actually was able to keep them as his warriors, would definitely cross his mind.

Thank you!

[sweetchup]

Bi•valve

Noun

an aquatic mollusk that has a compressed body enclosed within a hinged shell, such as oysters, clams, mussels, and scallops.

AKA

The Most Common Seashell in the Ocean

————————

Vol. 2: Into the Deep // Ch. 8

Type: Poseidon x reader

Word Count: 4,500+

⚠️Warning⚠️: Slight Mature Content

Masterlist

————————

Blue. Everything was blue.

From the bubbles you exhaled to the sun streaming through the window. It was all blue.

Even though you’ve been staying here for about a week, you still couldn’t get used to waking up like this. Underwater. Trapped in a fairytale-like world.

Was this how Triton felt adjusting to the human realm?

“Mom?” As if summoned by your thoughts, you felt Triton shift in bed next to you. The mattress slightly caving in as the young boy cuddled close to your side. “You okay?”

“…yeah.”

You shouldn’t be the one asking me that, you can’t help but think. After all that happened last night, Triton should be the one more shaken up.

…What has this young boy gone through?

Gently, you reach down and run one of your hands through Triton’s hair. It’s silky and soft texture felt ethereal in the water-like environment. Like as if it was threads of gold tediously woven slowly by hand.

“Mom….?” Your hand pauses as Triton lifts his head to look at you. Blue… It must be because you two were underwater but Triton’s eyes were a striking bright blue today. Unlike their usual pale grayish version. Seems like everything would truly be covered in blue while you were here, “Are you sure you—“

“My, oh my. This is unexpected.”

At the sudden new voice, you jolt out of bed. It seemed like you couldn’t even get a bit of peace for a second in the place. However, as you take in the figure that was at the door you soon pause.

A butler? A human looking one at that. Was he perhaps a siren or mermaid? But he also had no tail…

“Hermes!” You feel yourself choke slightly at what Triton shouts. Hermes? As in the Messenger god? He looked nothing at all like the mythology books.

“Good day, Master Triton.” Hermes greets as Triton comes crawling out of bed and up to him. As you watch Triton start telling Hermes a story about something, you see Hermes' gaze shift from the young boy in front of him to you. Red… You are cut off guard as you notice Hermes’ eyes were a surprising color of scarlet red. As in the most ripe apples and cherries or that of a deep red ruby. However that wasn’t what entranced you the most. No, it was the unusual spider web irises that accompanied those pits of red.

“By the way, What brings you here, Hermes?” Thankfully at Triton’s question, Hermes' gaze turns away from you. Allowing you to release a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You weren’t sure what it was but for some reason you felt like you had to be careful around him.

Hesitantly, you pull the covers off of your form and make your way out of bed next to Triton. You didn’t want to get closer to Hermes but you also didn’t want Triton to be left alone with the young man. Who knows what the god could be up to, “Master Zeus wanted me to return a special package to you.”

“A package?”

Nervously, you let out a small gulp as Hermes disappears back into the hallway to grab the mysterious “package”. Should you make a run for it? After all, it could possibly be dangerous. He could—

“Here it is.”

“Ack!” You can’t help but let out once you see what Hermes is holding in his arms. Did Zeus really order Hermes to go all the way to the mortal realm to grab that?

“Alexander the Great!” Triton cheers out as he grabs the ginormous king turtle from Hermes. Clearly happy to be reunited with his trusty stuffed animal. “Oh! I know the perfect spot to put you.”

You watch as Triton races across the room to a corner filled with fluffy pillows and blankets. Even here it seemed he built those nest-like beds. You wondered where he got such a thing from.

“Now, My Lady…”  Startled by the warm breath on the shell of your ear, you feel yourself freeze before shakily turning to look at Hermes standing close next to you, “I have a package from Zeus for you as well.”

“O-Oh really…?” You hesitantly say as you take a step away from the god. Was personal space not a thing for them?

“Yes, now if you would follow me.” Hermes states, gesturing to the door.

“Thank you but I’m going to grab it later. I want to stay with Triton for now.”

“Oh but my Lady. I insist.”

“I’m really fin—“ You are cut off as Hermes places his hands around your waist and proceeds to carry you out of the room. He was so fast you hardly had time to blink or even realize what he had done.

“We will be right back, Master Triton.” Hermes shouts out to the young boy as he leaves the room and makes his way into the hallway. Finally able to realize what is going on, you grab at Hermes’ hands on your waist. Futility attempting to get him to let go of you.

“Hey! Let go of me.” You shout out to the god. However, the only thing you got was a curious eyebrow raise in return.

“Oh.” Hermes let out as if suddenly realizing something. Interested you pause at your fighting, only to soon regret it as you see a dangerous gleam in his eyes. As if a mischievous plan was forming in his head, “I apologize My Lady, I wasn’t thinking. You must be used to the way Master Poseidon holds you.”

“H-Hey—EEepp.”

Instantly, in pure terror, you grab onto Hermes shoulders as he throws you lightly up in the air. Thankfully, you didn’t squeal too hard as you had already known what he was possibly referring to about how ‘Poseidon holds you’.

“Now, is this more comfortable, My Lady?” Hermes asks as he holds you bridal style in his arms. What in the world was with gods and their need to hold Humans, or possibly lesser beings, this way?

Now embarrassed, especially at how the maids and servants whisper to each other as you two walk by, you give up the need to fight Hermes. Knowing there was no chance in hell you would be able to get away anyways with how strong he was compared to you.

“Lord Hermes—“

“Please, just call me Hermes.” The messenger god states cheerfully as he cuts you off. As if he totally didn’t just kidnap you.

After letting out a small sigh in frustration, you continue, “Alright, Hermes. Where are you taking me?”

“Just to the main foyer, My Lady.”

At Hermes' simple minded answer, you feel your eyebrow twitch slightly. If you weren’t already afraid of the god, you bet you would have smacked that smug look off his face by now. You could clearly see now how Hermes was the Son of Zeus, “Okay… So, Why are you taking me there?”

“To meet someone special that Master Zeus invited.”

.

..

…

You swore to god.

“Who is that special someone?” You state, making sure to emphasize on your question this time. As if sensing your frustration, Hermes, clearly pleased with your reaction, smiles slightly.

“Scylla. You are meeting Lady Scylla.”

“…Scylla…?”

You feel yourself pause at the name, an odd sense of familiarity blooming in your brain. You had definitely heard that name before but… where….?

“Scylla, as in Scylla and Charybdis.” Hermes explains, his smile growing wider as he takes in the confused look on your face. As you ponder the second name, it finally hits you about why it had all sounded so familiar.

Scylla was a legendary monster in Greek mythology that lived on one side of a narrow channel of water, opposite to her counterpart Charybdis.

Scylla's description varied from tale to tale but she was often described as a female monstrosity. Her lower body consisted of six serpent-like heads on long snaky necks, each head having a triple row of shark-like teeth. Then, on her stomach were the heads of ferocious dogs.

However, it wasn’t her appearance or the fact that she was a monster that startled you the most. No.

Scylla wasn’t always a monster. No, she used to be a nymph. There are two tales that explained as to why Scylla was turned into a monster in the first place. One of them being, as well as the most frightening one to you, was that…

…Amphitrite was jealous of Scylla.

“W-why am I meeting with Scylla?” You questioned outloud to Hermes. Whose grin only seemed to grow once you asked him.

“Pardon me but it is much more fun if you find out yourself.” Hermes explained casually as he stops in front of a room. He wasn’t…

“Wait—“

“Have a fun time, My Lady.”

And with that, Hermes proceeded to shove you in the room and close the doors behind you. That bastard… you knew you shouldn’t trust him.

“Are you Lady (y/n)?”

Freezing, you look across the room in the direction of the voice. There was no doubt that it was Scylla. But,…

You find yourself pausing as you gaze down at her abdomen.

“Pomeranians?” Instantly, after the word slips out, you cover your mouth. Great going there, (y/n).

Though, it wasn’t just the fact that the supposed ‘ferocious dogs’ were sophisticated Pomeranian that caught you off guard. The lady, well ex-nymph, before you looked about in her late 50s and was dressed quite modestly. Yet also very sophisticated.

“Yes, they are Pomeranians.” Scylla answers, seeming to take a pause as she sips from her teacup before continuing, “Now, as I asked before, Are you Lady (y/n)?”

“Oh, I apologize. I am Lady (y/n).” You answer back, not missing how Scylla eyebrows slightly twitch.

“…It seems I have a lot of work…” You hear Scylla mumble lightly under her breath as she proceeds to shake her head. What was she talking about?

“…Pardon?”

“Oh, nothing. Please take a seat, Lady (y/n).”

Carefully, you make your way across the room to sit at the table. As you do so, you don’t miss the chance to notice how extravagant the room was. Not only was it made of marble and intricate gold carvings like the rest of Triton’s Manor but it also had a beautiful ceiling mural and, next to where the table that Scylla was sitting, a wall to wall and floor to ceiling grand window view.

As you take a seat down across from Scylla, you have to hold yourself back from gasping as you could now take in the full view. There were arrays of colorful Coral reefs and plants. Some that you have never ever seen, perhaps they only grew in the realm of the gods and were special in some way. However, it was past the Coral reefs that were placed outside the window that gained your interest. Far out in the horizon, stood what looked like a grand underwater city that looked fresh out of a futuristic sci-fi movie with its intricate buildings and colorful lights.

“Ahem.” At Scylla’s cough, you finally turn your attention back to the older woman, “I will now formally introduce myself. I am Scylla, a former nymph that worked for Lord Poseidon. As well as…

…Triton’s former Nanny.”

“I see.” You let out as you take in the information the woman has told you. It seemed like just how the other gods were different from mythology so was Scylla. But, you couldn’t write off anything about Scylla yet. You didn’t know her full intentions on accepting to come to see you here today. “Can I ask why you came to see me today, Lady Scylla?”

“Of course.” Scylla answers as she carefully places her teacup back down on its plate and looks at you, “I am not here to hurt you but rather to help you. My first duty in coming here is informing you about everything you need to know. From Master Triton’s childhood to Lady Amphitrite nature, I am hoping to tell you everything possibly important I have seen in over the millennia I have worked for the family.”

Now you understand why she was here. If you didn’t understand the inner workings or secrets of the family, it could honestly get you killed. And that could count for either Poseidon or Amphitrite. It also makes sense why Zeus specifically sent her as he still had the intentions of you replacing Amphitrite as Poseidon’s wife. So, knowing what makes Poseidon tic would be crucial.

“My second reason for coming here is to teach you the proper etiquette of the gods.”

You feel your thoughts come to a screeching halt at her statement, “Huh?”

“I’m going to be honest with you, Lady (y/n),” Scylla vocalizes as she shakes her head, “Since you are a human, you are considered at the bottom in our realm. If the citizens of Atlantis don’t like you, they will kill you. If you disrespect a god or goddess, they will kill you. If someone wants your spot on the throne, they will kill you. If you aren’t strong or smart enough, you will get killed. Respect, etiquette and knowledge are the three things that will keep you alive here…”

Scylla pauses as she looks around to make sure that no one was nearby to hear what she would say next.

“Lady (y/n).” Scylla starts as she surprisingly reaches across the table to hold your hands. “I know of Lord Zeus’ plan to make you the next queen. As a former Nymph, where my kind is often taken advantage of by gods just like humans, I beg of you. Do not. Follow. Zeus’. Plan. It will surely get you killed. To him, if you die, He will simply take another human or some other god to take your place. All he wants is Amphitrite off the throne.”

It wasn’t as if you already didn’t guess that from Zeus. You already knew, deep down in an unsettling feeling in your stomach, that he considered you lesser than himself. No matter how kind he seemed to act to you.

Also it wasn’t as if you were trying to seduce Poseidon or become the next queen in anyways. Your main objective, as it always had been, was to protect and care for Triton.

You are brought back to reality as Scylla lets go of your hands and stands up, “Come. We don’t have much time.”

“Right.” Instantly, you follow the older woman as she makes her way across the room. You didn’t know where she could possibly be going but followed her anyway. “A frame?”

You look curiously at, what you guessed to be, the decorative frame of a mirror. You had no idea why you two have specifically stopped here. Was the frame important in some way, like some sort of secretive family heirloom?

However, you soon doubt that previous guess of yours as suddenly, as if bent by Scylla’s mind and will, the inside of the mirror starts to glow. It continued to glow as the light slowly trickled to the rest of the mirror and once it was fully completed, Scylla moves out of the way and gestures to it.

“You want me to walk up to it?” You ask Scylla as you make a small step to the blinding mirror. Slowly as you grow closer, you reach out your hand to slightly graze its surface. Only to realize it wasn’t a surface at all. “W-Woah!”

You are caught off guard as you are suddenly pulled into the mirror by a great force. Hissing, your eyes stung by the ever so bright light. What is happening? You thought Scylla was going to explain to you about the family history. Could she possibly have lied and tricked you?

Amphitrite… Daughter of Nereus and Doris…

“W-Who goes there?” You shout out, startled by the booming voice. “Were you the one who pulled me in here?”

However, as if the voice couldn’t hear you, it continues it’s speech and you are suddenly placed into a white blank room.

One of 50 sisters, known as the Nereids…Amphitrite grew up as any other goddess…

An ancient stone wall suddenly appears right in front of you. It’s drawings and paintings seeming to depict the beautiful Nereids.

…However, that was far from the truth…

All of sudden the paintings come to life, some of the Nereids were killing and even poisoning their sisters.

…All of those sisters were filled with greed… greed to be ever so powerful like their father and it only seemed to grow when it was announced that Poseidon would choose one to be his queen…

The stone changes once more, completely wiped clean except for one lone woman in the center. A shining crown placed on her head.

…And Amphitrite came out on top. With most of her sisters dead or banished by her, she was now the lone survivor to gain all the power she desired…as the new goddess and queen of the sea…

…However,…Poseidon wasn’t how she expected….

You are startled as the full white room, even the ground you were standing on, changes. The room now taking on an elegant bedroom. A grand circle bed was placed in the center of the room. With Pillows and silk blankets scattered around in it.

A sudden loud creak catches your attention and you spin your head around. Caught off guard at who was in front of you.

“What are you doing here?” Poseidon's voice booms out as he glares daggers at you. His form no longer dressed in his usual attire but instead one made for bed.

“I-I—“ “You can’t possibly expect nothing to happen on our wedding night.”

Taking a step away from Poseidon, you turn and realize he wasn’t talking nor glaring at you. Instead, his piercing gaze was directed at a woman sitting on the bed. A simple yet sexy nightgown covering her form.

You have never seen her before with her long and deep colored scarlet hair, with her sea green eyes and pale clear skin. But you could at least guess who she was.

“Amphitrite. Leave.” Poseidon orders, as he turns away from the woman to shrug off his shirt, “I won’t be asking again.”

The woman only giggles in response, seeming not to take Poseidon’s threat seriously as she makes her way up to the male.

“Oh god—“ You can’t help but let out. Quickly covering your eyes as you see Amphitrite loosen her strap of her nightgown, causing the article of clothing to fall to the floor. What was the woman thinking?!

Even with your heart practically beating out of your ears, you hear Poseidon let out a deep sigh and the loud sound of heavy footsteps making their way past you. From what you guess, this was a memory of the past and the two couldn’t see you.

“W-Where are you going—“ Amphitrite voice is cut off as the door is shut with a loud bang. It is quiet for a moment. Yet it was only a moment. As soon afterwards, the loud banging and breaking sounds ring out around the room as Amphitrite takes her anger out on the area around her. “That fucking piece of shit!! I’ll show you—“

Amphitrite voice is once again cut off. Yet this time not by Poseidon but instead the blinding light as the voice changes the scene. Deeming it safe, you uncover your eyes and take in the new scene around you. You were no longer in Poseidon’s bedroom but seemed to still be in the palace. This time the bed was a simple queen one, it’s sheets covered in blood that scared you for a moment. That is until another item gains your attention.

A baby crib.

Amphitrite was furious about how she couldn’t get Poseidon to bend to her will. She believed that he should be groveling at her feet and craving for her affections…

…This only got worse after she found out she was pregnant with an heir that Poseidon didn’t care for….

Startled by what the voice was saying, you take a step towards the baby crib. That means this crib was…

You let out an audible gasp as you lean over the crib. An ever so familiar pair of pale blue eyes staring up at you. It was baby Triton.

Damn, you wished you had your phone on you to take a picture of this moment. He was just all too adorable.

At the pregnancy of the child, Amphitrite left it in the hands of a nanny. Not wanting to bother with a child that will only hold her back.

“Lord Poseidon. I beg of you, Please do not hurt—”

“Silence.”

That voice… Hastily, you make your way across the room to the door that was slightly ajar. Standing outside was Poseidon, a couple of his attendees and Scylla. Scylla, who seemed to be back when she was a nymph, was on her hands and knees, begging something out of the god.

“Tch.” Poseidon lets out, seeming annoyed. You freeze as you see the male grab his trident and make his way towards the door.

“Lord Poseidon, Pleas— Ack!” As Scylla tries to bring her head up and grab onto Poseidon to stop him but before she could do so an attendee stomps on her back. Stopping her in her tracks.

“Do not come in.”

You back away as Poseidon makes his way into the room, shutting the door behind him. He wasn’t planning to…

You cover your ears as a loud screeching sound fills the room. It was coming from Poseidon’s trident as he drags the blade across the floor, Leaving long scratching indinents in the marble floor.

This is in the past, (y/n). You forcibly remind yourself as you watch Poseidon get closer to the crib. Triton is still alive, he’s not going to die here.

You freeze as the screeching sound stops and Poseidon lifts his trident. Uncovering your ears, you stare, mind boggled, at what happens next.

Poseidon… was whistling.

Was he attempting to soothe the baby before he killed it? What sort of Psycho was he—

“Ah! Stop!” You shout out as Poseidon’s trident comes barreling down towards the crib. He was going to actually kill—

Suddenly, Poseidon’s arm comes to a screeching halt.

“Bo ba ba booo.” Triton babbles away, seeming to attempt to imitate the song Poseidon had just whistled out.

.

..

…

“Tch.” Poseidon imbeds his trident in the marble before picking Trident up by the back of his onesie.

That’s not how you were supposed to carry a child! You could accidentally cause it to choke itself.

As you make your way closer to the two, worried about Triton’s safety, Poseidon once again whistles out. His gaze trained to the baby’s face.

“Boooo ba ba boo.” Triton lets out again, seeming to try his best to imitate Poseidon. Giggling slightly at the end as he reaches out towards his father and grabs a piece of Poseidon’s hair.

“You’re doing it wrong.” Poseidon mutters out as he brings his other hand up to Triton, the time adjusting his grip so that he was holding the baby by the armpits.

Poseidon whistles out once more. This time going slightly slower for the baby to listen.

Was this guy seriously attempting to teach a baby how to sing a song when he tried to kill it only seconds ago? Plus it was a baby for crying out loud.

“Hey! Get back here!”

The door comes flying open with a startling bang as Scylla trips her way into the room.

“I warned you!” Scylla screams out as the attendees' sword comes barreling down at her. However, thankfully, it never hits her. “L-Lord Poseidon-n…”

You cover your mouth as the attendee falls to the ground, his body separated in half by the trident Poseidon had just thrown.

“Silence.” Poseidon orders out to the rest of the attendees, who quickly release Scylla and back away. “You, Lady. Come here.”

“M-me?”

Scylla freezes as she sees the look Poseidon gives her. About how she should know better than to make him repeat himself. Frantically, she makes her way over to the two.

“What’s its name?” Poseidon asks Scylla. Who grows pale as she watches as Triton pulls at Poseidon’s hair. Yet, surprisingly, the god of the sea doesn’t flinch nor remove the annoyance, allowing the baby to continue what it was doing.

“I-uh. L-Lady Amphitrite never gave the child a name...”

Silence. You let out a small gulp as you anxiously take in the scene in front of you. Poseidon definitely wasn’t pleased with this development.

“Pardon me, M-My Lord. May I suggest something-g?” Scylla stutters out as she anxiously twiddles her thumbs. She seemed to be on the brink of collapsing from stress and anxiety.

“Speak.”

“Why…Why don’t you name the boy?”

Once again silence. However, it wasn’t as tense as the previous one. It seemed Poseidon was truly pondering Scylla’s suggestion.

“Triton.” Poseidon booms out. “His name will be Triton.”

“An E-Excellent choice, My Lord.” Scylla compliments. Yet, even though Poseidon accepted her suggestion, she didn’t seem pleased. “A-Another thing, My Lord. You aren’t supposed to hold a baby in that manner.”

“Huh?”

Quickly, Scylla attempts to cover her mistake, “I-I mean-n! You can hold the boy however you want. It just that isn't the most comfortable manner! You don’t have to listen to what I suggest. Please forgive me.”

You are surprised once more as Poseidon gives Scylla the baby. Seeming to tell her to show him how to hold Triton without wanting to ask. You have grown to notice that his pride seems to get in the way of things a lot of the time.

It eerily, in a way, reminded you of what happened last night when Poseidon listened to your own suggestion. Would he act in a fit of rage this time as well? Could this be how Scylla got—

“Bah!” Triton shouts out, startling you out of your thoughts. Currently, Poseidon was attempting to cradle Triton the way Scylla had shown him. The nanny fiddled with her fingers as she worriedly watched the two.

“Booo ba ba booo…. Boo boo boo boooo… boooo….” Triton babbles out, this time somewhat replicating the song accurately.

“Heh.”

Heh? You are startled at the sound Poseidon makes. Did he just laugh slightly?

Inching closer, you take in the look on Poseidon’s face as he looks down at Triton. As if his cold exterior had cracked ever so slightly, you could see a sliver of fondness in Poseidon’s cold blue eyes. A look that showed love for his newborn son.

…Yet, you thought Poseidon didn’t feel that way about Triton.

“My Lord.” Poseidon's fondness quickly disappears as he turns to look at Amphitrite who stood at the door. You could see an ever so slight smirk on her face. “I didn’t realize you wanted to visit our son. You should have told me, I would have come with you.”

Oh. Was it because…

“Zeus and Hera wanted to see the child.” Poseidon lies to Amphitrite as he gives the child back to Scylla. Seeming to believe her husband, Amphitrite's smile soon turns to a scowl.

“I see.” She bitterly spits out before walking away. Not wanting to stick around for any longer.

Once Amphitrite footsteps are no longer heard, Poseidon turns back to Scylla. Whispering in a low voice so that the attendees can’t hear.

“I’ll be back tomorrow. Same time. Don’t be late and don’t tell anyone.”

With that Poseidon walks away, his attendees quickly chasing after him. As Scylla seems happy with the new found development, hugging Triton tightly to her chest as she showers him in praises, you… didn’t know what to think.

You…

…Couldn’t wrap your head around why your chest aches so much when you watch the two.

…What in the world happened between Triton and Poseidon that changed them…?

Author Note: Just in case people didn’t see my notice about this yesterday. I decided to split Ch. 8 into two parts, due to it revealing a lot of things. So the second part will be up tomorrow (Friday). If there is any confusion, please feel free to ask or comment. I will be checking my tumble a lot today since I know this is a crazy chapter.

Taglist: @angeli-fucking-cat @marixxhq @sproutcorner @orophaea @anime-lover-forever-1127 @fortuna-stella @icy-spicy

[trashtrash-can-sideblog]

the whistle of the wendigo

you can blame this fic on my friend @sukiyukiluki 

fandom: 2012 tmnt

summary: they find a weird shiny whistle that looks kinda like a kazoo, mikey keeps it, gets made fun of a bit, accidentally summons a murderous, soul-sucking demon that turns its holders into lifeless husks in exchange for unfathomable power, hijinx ensue

note: the demon is not actually a wendigo

the turtles walked through the sewers, looking for the nearest ladder to the surface, they didn't want to miss this pretty clear night, since it was Monday there was no april or casey so it was only the four turtles, then they heard something clank to the floor nearby and when the four turtles went to see what made the sound all they found was a little whistle, a bronze/goldish color and smooth and hard.

"is that a kazoo?" raphael questioned, picking up the small instrument.

donnie then took the kazoo-like instrument, inspecting it. it was a golden color on the outside and a surprisingly clean white on the inside. the outer gold layer had a pattern carved in it resembling a deer skull on the underside. there was a length of twine tied through the hole in the instrument. mikey then took the whistle out of raphs hand, looking at the grooves carved into the instrument. "mikey don't! you don't know where its been" donnie scolded, trying to get the whistle from the orange turtle, fighting off raph who was also trying to get the instrument.

mikey, not caring, blew the whistle quickly, it let out a high pitched doot, before it was ripped out of his mouth "hey!" the smallest turtle cried out angrily. they were all too caught up in their argument to notice the marks on the whitsle glowing, all but leo. "uhh.... guys? the whistles glowing-" "can it leo!" raph yelled back, kicking donnie to the side, making him fall over and tripping mikey.

the tripped turtle crossed his arms and looked away "it sounds dumb anyways" he pouted. "well that's one thing you and this thing have in common" raph joked, crouching down in front of mikey and putting the length of string around his brothers neck leaving the whistle dangling on his plastron like a necklace, he left to go see if donnie was okay, he patted his head and went to their brother.

time skip back to the lair after they went scating because I'm a bad writer and don't know how to properly transition this

mikey stared down at the grooves and small details in the whistle, it was so strange, it was almost hypnotizing the way the crevises turned and swirled and spiralled kept him so.... so... intrigued?.... his mind felt slightly fogged but that was nothing new, he was the dumb younger brother, right?

he heard knocking at the frame of the door to his room, it was leo. "Mikey, we got food" and as if it was on cue, the smell of pepperoni pizza hit him like a hammer. he nodded, a strange hunger sweeping over him as he arrived in the main living room and spotted the pizza with two pieces taken out of it, by his brothers donatello and raphael. he sat in the empty spot between donnie and raph, sitting closer to donnie. taking a slice of pizza and all impulse control disappeared, devouring the pizza like a savage animal that has not eaten in days. everyone else stared at him. "woah dude- you're eating more 'violently' then usual" raphael commented, finishing a slice. mikey stopped for a moment after grabbing another slice of pizza. he stared at raph, a string of words echoing through his mind

"CUT HIM DOWN TO SHAPE. HE HAS IT COMING"

he shook the feeling, and ignored the intrusive thoughts dismissing them as mere impulsive thinking while upset about the comment.

a few minutes later, after the box of pizza was finished they went to their own activities, donnie to his lab, Mikey and raphael to their rooms while leo went out to supposedly patrol the city

mikey went emediately to sleep, suffering from a nightmare of watching his brothers and friends die brutally. not the most pleasant thing

donnie was tinkering with some kind of tech he was working on and raph was either talking to mona or using his headphones to blast Ariana grande, as he does.

the next day, they were fighting a group of krang robots and they were outnumbered gravely...

"dont me scared mikey, use the whistle" "FREE ME"

he looked down at the whistle tied around his neck, he didn't know why but he just felt he should wear it out. he was knocked to the ground, looking around he saw Raphael trying to fight off three krang robots and Donnie trying to get up as five were ganging up on him while Leo was struggling to stay standing as he was being shot at. with not many other options the orange wearing turtle shakily took the whistle to his mouth, and blew it as hard as he could, an ear-piercing sound filled the room, it sounded like a scream, but.... something was off about it.

it successfully distracted the krang bots and less luckily, had all of their attention on himself, arguably the weakest turtle in most terms... he swallowed hard... he felt like throwing up, something came up from his throat and out of his mouth coming from seemingly nowhere. large amounts of this strange thick black ooze started being coughed up as Michelangelo was gagging, hacking and throwing up more and more of the strange liquid, all eyes were on him as the puddle started taking shape into a large, long and thin monster with a deer skull. it looked vaguely humanoid, with mostly human anatomy suck as long arms and legs and a very human looking torso, though heavily malnourished looking, it had a long, thick weft of hair, it was almost entirely the same color except the skull and its two pitch black eyes with a small green dot in them that would most likely be its pupil, as if time had stopped for this strange, otherworldly towering demon to form.

his brothers stared in a mix of shock and fear

mikey fell to the floor as the monster finished forming, its long antlers and skinny body creating a looming shadow over the hoard of the robotic bodies of the krang that it was beginning to tear apart, each shot it took it only regenerated what it had lost, this time the krang robots weren't only temporarily halted, there was an ooze spread throughout the room that is what would be their 'blood'. the heroes were still scattered around the room, but frozen in place, the words "help my brothers" was the only command given and the creature did not disapoint as there was pretty much nothing left of the krang or their robots aside from mangles scraps and a thick and chunky goo that the creature would occasionally consume as to recreate mass. the three still standing turtle brothers weren't moving as not to accidentally upset this giant monster that practically deleted the enemies that were giving them so much trouble not too long ago, they had some grazes on their bodies from an extremely close call of not getting slashed by this creature.

after it finished obliterating the robots it turned to look at the nearest brother....

Raphael.

it stared at him with its piercing glowing green eyes as if considering whether or not to do the same to him as it did to the krang. it retreated back to Mikey who was still on the floor, now unconscious and it started returning to its original state of being just goo. It looked absolutely disgusting to creeping into any crevasse on his shell and/or plastron or just going back in his nose or mouth. it looked disgusting. leo picked up mikey's limp body, slinging him over his shoulder and running back to the lair to make sure mikey wasn't overly hurt and to patch up their own injuries.

that next day they woke up, looking down at their hands, smiling slightly. it was a strange feeling, throat sore from the fight yesterday, they clenched the hand they were holding out. they grabbed the long strip of orange fabric, finding the holes and figuring out how to tie it. when they found the correct way to put it on they got up, stretching the body, immediately regretting it as the soreness hit them, falling onto the thing they were resting on, his bed. they got up again, trying the whole deal again, stretching(not as far as before) and left the room, moving the curtain out of their way, the room was dark and saw a dim light from the kitchen, standing by the doorframe, still very much in the dark, starting at raph who was grabbing a late night snack.

"whos there" raphael looked up, putting his shell-phone face down on the counter, staring at the orange mask wearing turtle who was staring back, bright green eyes staring back emptily, face barely visible from the light of the kitchen. they disapeared back into the dark and raph shivered from the weird encounter, something felt off but he couldn't pin down what the feeling was from so he just brushed it off for now...

a few hours later, at a lighter, more appropriate time to be awake, they were spending some time in the living room, raph on his shell-phone still, Donnie messing with a small trinket, Leo watching some anime, sitting in front of the tv and Mikey was sitting between Donnie and raph like yesterday watching the anime as well before Donnie looked up from his trinket and faced his less mature brother who was staring kind of blankly at the television. "do you remember what happened after you blew the whistle yesterday, Mikey?" he spoke, catching the attention of his brother who jerked up a bit, bored face almost immediately snapping to his usual exited expression "nope! passed out! you know this, it's indubitable I couldn't know what happened after unless informed by a second party!" the way he spoke was off, and what was that word 'indubitable' Donnie knew, nobody else did. now everybody's attention was on both Donnie and Mikey, raph looked up, raising a non-existent eyebrow and Leo looked at Mikey baffled "...how do you know that word Mikey" Donnie said, putting the thing he was messing with down behind him. "oh you know, places" sounding more like an excuse, that strange tone of voice returning, but it would be accepted for now by most of them, raph going back to looking through pictures of him and his brothers, stumbling upon a picture of them and splinter, they all looked so much happier, he stopped to look at it longer. "what does that word even mean?" Leo, still turned around to look at Mikey, they blinked their bright green eyes and it clicked for raph "it means undeniable, its pretty fun to say" they smiled, something off about it.

his blood ran cold, he finally figured out why he felt so off about Mikey last night, he looked down at the picture and back at his brother

why didn't he notice earlier

it was so painfully obvious and yet he missed it, HOW COULD HE HAVE MISSED IT?!

everything made sense now, the strange tone of voice, the odd feeling from that morning, it all clicked as if some blindfold was pulled from his eyes.

he got up and grabbed Mikey, "who the shell are you?!" he yelled, anger getting to him, how could this have slipped past his radar, he was up since 1am, and nobody could have slipped past him since then, so what is this monster. "Raph! what are you doing?!" his brothers called out, but he wasn't hearing it. "who are you and what did you do to my brother?!" looking at the other green eyed turtle, it looked, felt and sounded like his brothers but they don't have any special abilities like most other mutants, especially not this specific power, Leo then tried pulling them apart, which raph just kicked him away. the person pretending to be their orange mask wearing brother stared back at him blankly, coldly, it felt familiar, green eyes staring at green. "raph what has gotten into you to be trying to hurt Mikey?! this is too far!" Leo called out as Donnie left to grab his bo staff. "this isn't Mikey, this guy's eyes are green" then Leo stopped to think and it clicked for him too, he clutched his sword, looking at the imposter

it clicked for everyone

"Mikey's eyes aren't green" the red turtle said, shakily holding the false turtle up off the ground. a few moments of silence followed before they started cackling madly "you got me! you're smarter than you look, huh?"

that's it for this fanfic, probably will write another part for it

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Oh oh! If you still take requests, could you maybe do something with Reiner first introducing you the The Kiddos? Like, maybe you're still in the early stages of the relationship but both ypu and Reiner know that you're keepers and he wants to introduce you to such important persons in his life 😭

I'd love to do that! My heart melts just imagining Reiner thinking you're the one while looking at you in adoration, and so he decides to introduce you to his cousins whom he'd protect with his life.

Reiner introducing you to his cousins

{ Reiner x reader | tw: none | fluff | modern }

{ "Tea Time" 1905 byMyrtle Jean MacLane 1878-1964 }

It's after Reiner saw how much you've stood beside him and supported him even through his weakest moments when you didn't have to, that he knew you're the one for him.

The one he could see himself with in the future, the one he adores and deeply cares about, the one he wants to protect and cherish.

And love. He wants to love you in every way possible, just like you showed him what being loved feels like.

He knows it will be a slow process to merge your lives together and get used to each other around, so he takes it slow, introducing you to his friends and older cousins.

Zeke and Pieck were the first to meet you. So far they've been nothing but really kind and charming, Pieck making you feel at ease and comfortable around her like you're old friends while Zeke making you laugh and being really respectful of your boundaries.

After that it was Bertlot and Annie, his two closest friends. They were more stiff and less easy to start a conversation with unlike the previous two, but by the end of the day you actually found yourself understanding them better.

It's not that they don't like you, it's just their personality. Annie actually cares and gives you genuine compliments despite coming off as cold in the start, while Bertolt is just not good with meeting people and small conversations which is why he seemed stiff and nervous at first glance.

Reiner tells you that it went really well after they left, he knows them and knows how they act around people they're starting to like.

Lastly you met Porco and Colt, it was a really short meeting because Colt had somewhere to be while Porco just didn't want to be alone with Reiner for long.

You learned about Proco's older brother who's currently working in a different country, Marcel. And about Colt's younger brother Falco.

As an attempt to piss Reiner off, Proco hits on you and tells you to ditch Reiner. When you laugh it off and refuse you notice the smug smile on Reiner's face.

Colt tells you to tell him if you ever need anything, he's usually busy but he knows a lot of people around here and has worked at different jobs to gain a lot of experience, he's also really respectful with you.

After you meet all his friends, he plans on introducing you to his younger cousins. He seems nervous about it

"How bad can it be?" You say, "i can handle kids."

How bad can it really be huh? Well.

Gabi hates you. Straight up she says it to your face. Not dislike, but hate.

Flaco says he's sorry for how she's acting, yet he doesn't really try to stop her.

Udo avoids eye contact with you, he'll literally find the fork in his hand more interesting to look at even when you talk to him

Zofia just stares, coldly, unmoving and uncaring.

Yeah, it's not going well at all.

After some time, it's Falco who starts liking you first. Being your only friend, he attempts to get to know you more and hype you up to the other three.

It's Udo who starts getting curious and starts asking you questions about your life and hobbies, you know how kids basically have no mouth filter and will ask you anything? Yeah that's him.

Actually thanks to that, your answers will get Gabi's attention. If you mention something you're particularly good or talented at, she will want to know more.

Flaco reasons with them that getting to know you will make Reiner happy, and Gabi really cares about Reiner so she tries her hardest.

You're making progress, the three of them are actually talking to you now.

Except...Zofia isn't buying it, while Falco was the easiest to gain his approval, Zofia's the hardest.

It will take a lot of time and effort before she is comfortable around you.

Getting close to Udo is your key to gaining Zofia on your side.

And showing interest in her hobbies and likes. She's really into drama shows, dresses designs and true crime. While simultaneously being kind to Udo, you'll gain her trust slowly.

She observers how you treat her friends and others, how you react when someone makes a mistake and how you talk about people when they're not in the room. Paying close attention to small details and expressions.

Especially Udo, how you treat him and talk about him will be her final judge on you.

When Gabi invites you personally to cheer for her at her school soccer match, you know she started to open up to you. Especially how she spares you a couple glances and a wave while on the field.

For Falco it's when he starts opening up to you about his own needs and worries. He's so used to putting other's needs before him that he rarely talks about his own. Also the way you treat Colt will greatly impact your relationship with Falco.

You know Udo accepted you when he doesn't shy away from direct confrontation with you or gets cuts himself halfway through talking about something in fear he's being annoying. Instead he'll seem more passionate about his interests and more comfortable with physical touch around you.

Would literally spend hours talking about space and turtles to you, the biggest smile on his face and the most energetic and confident you've seen him that even Zofia can't correct him because he knows his stuff and is sure about it.

The way you react whenever he makes a mistake or accidentally does something bad, will greatly impact your relationship with him.

Reiner isn't oblivious to his cousins's feelings, he's actually really in touch with their emotions and can read them easily. He doesn't pressure Gabi at the start to like you nor does he guilt Zofia into giving you a chance after a year of knowing you.

He just reassures them that you're a good and kind person, you're trustworthy and you've showed him care and love. That you're his partner now and a thing that will be constantly permanent in his life.

He also reassures them that it doesn't mean he will leave them or pull away, he won't love them any less actually they'll have double the love since now you're here to offer that too.

And that talk from him is what pushes them over the line, realising they could get double the attention and care, they slowly began competing for your love.

They share their days with you, maybe add you into their memes groupchat where Falco posts his fortnite wins just for Gabi to demand to 1v1 him on Cod. Or how Udo sends pictures of lego sets he finished building, or maybe where Zofia shares the freshest influencer drama directly from twitter, is Kanya really cheating on kim with jeffree star? Who knows.

They try to manipulate you into helping them to break the rules Reiner set for them. Take that coffee away from Falco and get that mature rated horror movie away from Gabi, no udo you can't turn the kitchen into a chemistry lab and Zofia you can't stay up till 3am, i don't care that you're trying to summon a demon, you have school tomorrow.

Reiner told them no for doing something? Okay they'll just ask you instead, what will make you say yes when he said no?

"Because he's not the boss of you" is what Zofia says.

Falco is in dire need of hugs so offer them as much as you can, if they stay over let him sleep between you and Reiner, he can't do that at home anymore.

Gabi needs attention, so make sure to include her in everything and praise her for any accomplishments. She gets jealous easily so make her know that your love is unconditional and you'll always be proud of her even if she doesn't come first place at an event or challenge.

Zofia needs her space and respect, don't coddle her or belittle her interests. Show genuine attention to what she likes and support her. Also know when she says something she actually means it, so listen carefully.

Udo needs reassurance and safety, he also needs someone to believe in him. Comfort him yes but also have faith in him that he can do things, tell him mistakes and failing is okay but also have hope in his abilities and strength.

[your-brilliant-lady-m]

Part 1 - Basic Concepts of Miraculous Ladybug: Miraculous Jewels

Alright! I promised you meta and now I deliver!

I feel like people mostly watch Miraculous for the romance these days. Shipping is all everyone cares about. I wonder why? Probably because writers themselves don't take their worldbuilding very seriously and because they don't put much effort into making the audience care about something other than Love Square, like the mythology behind the Miraculous, or motivations of the main villain, or some pretty heavy topics for a kid's show that they bring up and then refuse to touch again. You know, all the good things. And this is coming from someone who is a passionate multishipper. I have lived through several shipping wars in different fandoms and came out victorious after all.

I am probably the only person out there who cares about the big picture, the overall storyline and the worldbuilding of Miraculous in addition to all details and implications that could develop into fascinating plotlines relevant to the main story. It is a rather lonely fandom experience, I must confess. But, hey? Who cares? I am here to have fun and bring to the table discussions no one wants to have.

So, let's talk about the basics.

If you, as the writing team, are capable of keeping only 1 thing consistent, then please, I beg you, let it be the basic concepts of your universe. Because in this case, one has to actively put effort into writing characters and conflict resolutions badly. And also because nothing can save bad worldbuilding.

I don't have high worldbuilding standards for Miraculous. They certainly aren't as high as the ones I had for Legend of Korra (which was a badly written trainwreck, that ATLA doesn't deserve as a sequel) or the ones I currently have for Dragon Prince. Therefore I won't be too harsh in my criticisms. Granted, I think that Miraculous has better worldbuilding and lore consistency than Winx Club for example (I haven't seen the reboot yet, so writers might have fixed their worldbuilding at least a little bit). Even though I enjoyed Winx when I was younger and some elements of this story still attract me.

Both serialised and episodic shows as well as movies to the lesser extent must have some flexibility in worldbuilding and plot because you can never be 100% sure where your story is going. Maybe, you'll get money for more seasons, maybe not. However, you must never lose sight of your basic concepts. They have to stay the same no matter what, because rewriting lore and retconning major developments every new season is not and never will be called good writing.

Forgive me for using architectural metaphors, but you need a solid foundation to build any kind of structure. Otherwise, everything falls apart.

I like to apply this logic to writing as well. When designing a world where your story takes place, you must lay a few ground rules. It's especially important if you have a magic system. What kind of ideas absolutely must exist? What kind of conclusion do you want your story to have? Does your magic system has limitations? Where is the grey area? Could you introduce new elements later on?

And I feel like the writing team of Miraculous Ladybug did not ask these questions. This may feel like I am nit-picking canon material and looking for problems that simply aren't there, but I promise that I am not. You see, things that I am about to point out only seem small at first glance. But these details are actually the source of the largest plotholes in the series. And their presence negatively affects character development, conflicts and resolutions of said conflicts.

That doesn't mean that I have nothing good to say about the magic system of the show and its elements. There are a lot of great ideas and concepts. And some of them have the potential to contribute to the delightful story.

Let's dive right into it, shall we?

Camouflage

I have to give credit where it's due because the idea of camouflage and shapeshifting for Miraculouses is brilliant. It seems like Miraculous can't fundamentally change its type of jewellery or accessory. The ring will always be the ring but with a different ornament, colour or shape. This is true most of the time (Monkey Miraculous is an exception since it transformed into earplugs/headphones/headband/circlet) It makes sense and avoids plotholes. Grimoire doesn't have the pictures of each Miraculous in disguise for identity protection. That was very neat too. I have no comments. This concept was very good.

Also, since Marinette wore a nose ring of the Ox in "Kwamibuster" without any problem and Adrien wore Ladybug's earrings in "Reflekdoll", we can assume that you don't need to have piercings to wear a Miraculous. Miraculous just magically passes through your skin.

I'm interested to know the following. Can Kwamis recognise a camouflaged Miraculous on a person? Can the holder order them to confess the identity of this person? This shouldn't be possible for identity protection just like with Kwamis sensing each other. But more on that in later posts.

Power Levels

For a long time, we assume that there are only 7 Miraculouses. Turtle belongs to Master Fu, Gabriel has Butterfly and Peacock, Marinette and Adrien have Ladybug and Black Cat. Everything is pretty straightforward. Then it's revealed that there are more jewels and more boxes. It makes the worldbuilding interesting, but it also majorly complicates things, making them inconsistent.

Their position in the Miracle Box implies their power levels. Creation and destruction are the most powerful forces in existence, therefore they are at the top. Moreover, it makes this Box the most important, the most powerful out of all others. Su Han in "Furious Fu" calls it "Mother Miracle Box". Fox, Turtle, Bee, Butterfly and Peacock have less power than the main pair, but more than the Miraculous of the lower Zodiac tier (since they correspond with animals of the Chinese Zodiac).

1. Ladybug can create anything out of nothing (Lucky Charm, which gives what you need the most at the moment). This Miraculous can resurrect the dead, reverse the effects of the Cataclysm. The power of Miraculous Cure or Miraculous Ladybug can work in several ways:

it simply repairs the damage (puts stuff back together, heals injuries and so on)

it reverses time for the matter, restoring things back to the state they were before the destruction occurred (however, the Cure doesn't erase people's memories of everything that happened unless they were mind-controlled, frozen in place or transformed by Akuma into something else - this is an important point that I'll discuss some other time)

How does Miraculous Cure work when there are no supervillians? In NY Special Marinette just says this.

Excuse me, what? What was that? You can't do anything when the villain is gone? What the hell?

*insert here every scene where Ladybug fixed Paris after destroying akumatized/amokized object (this action causes the Akuma victim to detransform/sentimonster to disappear - villain is gone) and purifying butterfly and feather*

It was such cheap angst. I couldn't even be upset when Adrien gave up his Miraculous, because that whole situation is just stupid. But, never mind. We aren't talking about that today.

Apparently, Lucky Charm and Miraculous Cure only work when summoned to battle a specific villain. What is the point then? Huh? You can't tell me that Ladybug has the power of unlimited creation and then say that she can't repair the damage without a special Lucky Charm that was magically synchronised with specific big bad of the week.

Ladybug also can purify Akumas. It makes sense for Ladybug to have the ability to reverse the magic of less powerful Miraculous. But this power can't be applied universally. How does this power of reversal apply to different situations where there is no evil Butterfly holder? Can Ladybug reverse the magic of any Miraculous?

The unlimited power of creation introduced in season 4 ("Mr. Pidgeon 72") is another fascinating thing. On one hand, it's logical and proves the status of this Miraculous as the most powerful. On the other hand, by introducing this power, you have created a plothole. Look, Marinette can create the charm which repels Akumas. If Ladybug can create anything then what stops her from creating a tool for finding Hawkmoth (like special glasses for discovering identities or a compass)? I mean, the show says that the power of creation is unlimited, it means that the creation of such tool is possible.

2. Black Cat can destroy anything with Cataclysm, even other Miraculous. He can kill living things and turn them into ash, but not himself. This Miraculous is supposed to have other special abilities that we don't see. And they should be equal to powers of Ladybug, both in number and in potency. Unfortunately, after 3 seasons writers didn't give us anything. It makes laughable the idea of balance between Ladybug and Black Cat.

Now, to the second tier. These Miraculouses have a singular ability, but they need a second one to keep the power balanced between Zodiac and the main pair.

3. Butterfly creates champions with different superpowers. But how does the time limit of children work for Butterfly? In theory, the countdown should start right after the creation of the Akuma since for Ladybug and Chat Noir countdown starts after activation of their powers even if they don't use them. However, if the countdown of the Butterfly begins after Akuma creation then there's no point because the holder has to stay transformed to guide their champion. The charged butterfly won't have time to even grant powers before the transformation of the child-holder drops. This issue is never explored because Gabriel doesn't have a time limit. However, I feel like it should be addressed in flashbacks of past Butterfly holders for example.

This Miraculous should be less powerful than Ladybug and Black Cat. It's often not. Some Akumas are too overpowered. Stormy Weather can move the Earth away from the Sun, Timetagger can send people through time and jump through time as well, Chat Blanc destroyed the world with a single energy blast, Miraculer could steal powers of those more powerful than her by default. These are the most notable examples. One could argue that Chat Blanc was a different case. Hawkmoth simply gave the most powerful Miraculous a boost. However, we know that even without a holder (the wildest and the most powerful form of uncontrolled Miraculous magic) Plagg's Cataclysm can't destroy the universe just like that (he presumably wiped out dinosaurs and sunk Atlantis on his own without a holder). I think that the less powerful Miraculous (Butterfly) shouldn't be able to increase the power of destruction to such a degree and give Black Cat the power to destroy celestial bodies and galaxies.

Writers want us to see Hawkmoth as the formidable villain. But it's not easy because he is less powerful than your main heroes by default of your worldbuilding. Sometimes writers make the Butterfly more powerful than creation and destruction to raise the stakes, breaking the laws of their magic system. So, how do you solve this? Let Ladybug and Black Cat keep their status as the most powerful and instead of giving Hawkmoth more magical power, make him smarter, more cunning, inventive. Gabriel is a fashion designer, whose creativity makes him a very good Butterfly holder. He has a life full of experience, he knows much more about things than the main teenage characters. Catalyst was very interesting for this very reason. Gabriel sort of discovered a cheat code to boost his powers. Show us how he experiments with his powers, how he analyses his past Akumas and tries to find the most effective ones. Maybe Gabriel tries to design Akumas that can specifically neutralise Ladybug and Chat Noir. This exploration could also give writers an opportunity to explain how the powers of Butterfly work. Can he control the type of powers he grants? Can he control the appearance of Akumas? There are many things to be explored.

4. Peacock creates sentimonsters. I remember that fans were very disappointed when the power of the Peacock was revealed at the end of season 2. I was one of them. The concept of Amoks is far too similar to akumatized butterflies. Other Miraculouses have unique abilities and keywords for their powers, while Peacock just looks like Butterfly 2.0. That glowing mask effect just adds insult to injury.

You have to start by figuring out the powers of the Peacock in a normal situation. If a holder is a good person, then how does their power work? For example, make them related to sight (because of the "eye" pattern on feathers). Maybe, Peacock grants the ability to see the several possibilities of the future, but only a few minutes ahead. Maybe, this Miraculous gives you the ability to see through someone's eyes for a few minutes (and the victim is completely unaware of the intrusion). Perhaps, Peacock allows the holder to use feathers (or tiny peacocks) as cameras one at a time and be all-seeing. These feather-spies can be destroyed by the holder or disappear on their own after some time. Such power could be devastating when used against heroes in canon.

5. Bee can paralyze. This power is pretty straightforward. Once I read a fanfiction focused on very vell done Chloe Redemption, where she fights alongside Ladybug and Chat Noir. Eventually, she grows and becomes a better person. This fic ends with an Akuma battle, where LB and CN are trapped and Akuma is ready to kill them. But Chloe uses a second power of the Bee on the villain - Miraculous Stinger. It's deadly both for the holder and for the victim (because bees die when they sting someone). Chloe kills the Akuma with a Stinger before it can get LB and CN, but she too dies making the ultimate irreversible sacrifice. I will add a link if I find it again.

6. Turtle can create a shield. I don't have much to say on this either. It feels underpowered compared to others in the second tier. Maybe Turtle can also slow down opponents (because turtles aren't the fasters animals out there).

7. Fox creates illusions and acts as their puppeteer. In order to create a balance between other powers, these illusions must hold for as long as the holder needs them to. I propose this mostly because we see that Venom of the Bee lasts very long, the shield of the Turtle lasts either until it's destroyed or the holder wants to remove it, same goes for Akumas and sentimonsters who disappear only when the holder wants them to or their affected object is destroyed.

Let's talk about Zodiac tier. Miraculous of the third tier shouldn't have the second ability like more powerful ones. These powers are the most inconsistent. Even if we haven't seen all of them yet.

8. Mouse can create many small clones of the holder. It is unclear how these clones communicate with each other and how many of them this Miraculous can create. The holder can control the number of clones. This power was very convenient in "Kwamibuster" and it makes sense symbolically for the mouse. What activates the time-limit for children? Marinette didn't have any problems with it when she became Multimouse.

9. Snake can create a 5-minute time loop and has the ability to come back in time. This Miraculous feels a bit overpowered for the Miraculous of the Zodiac Tier. The holder can reset the time as many times as he/she needs to. It's was a good source of drama and trauma in "Desperada". I was honestly surprised that Adrien was capable of fighting after spending months in a loop. But this doesn't change the fact that Snake is overpowered. You can give this Miraculous the power to hypnotise or keep the time ability but place a limit on the number of resets. How does the lyre work as a weapon? Who knows? No one!

10. Dragon can shapeshift into elements: water, wind and lightning. It has the coolest transformation words hands down (Bring the Storm and Open Sky). Apparently this Miraculous doesn't have the time limit.

11. Rabbit can time travel or jump through alternative realities, even writers aren't sure. Time-travel in this show is so badly written it gives me a headache. This Miraculous shouldn't exist just like its powers. Snake belongs to the same tier, but 5 minutes and whole centuries of time jumps aren't comparable in power levels. They are not and this is the hill I will die on. Give the Rabbit powers related to its symbolism in China like an ability to de-age people, heal them or give them a speed boost in contrast with Turtle who might have the ability to slow down.

This Miraculous is so special that its Kwami - Fluff can live separately from his Miraculous in a Miracle Box for millennia (Fluff lives in the Box in "Sandboy", but his Miraculous, pocket watch, was passed down for generations in Alix's family). This is a discussion for a separate post, however. There's a lot to unpack. We'll do that some other time. You will suffer with me but at a later date.

12. Horse can create portals. They could lead anywhere, which is pretty cool. On the other hand, this power is not very useful in direct combat, especially when it's used by a child since we can have only one portal per transformation.

13. Monkey can cause a malfunction in powers of other people. What is the point of this? This power was specifically created by writers to defeat Akuma in "Party Crasher". That's it. What if your target is not magical? How does this Miraculous work in different circumstances?

14. Pig shows people their greatest desire. Both the holder and the recipient of this power can see this desire. Chat Noir wasn't impressed in "Guiltrip" and neither was I. It's underpowered compared to other Miraculous in this tier. Also, why does the tambourine can shoot energy beams? Why?

That's all I have to say on the matter. I'll update the power analysis as needed.

[theramseyloft]

Pigeon rescue being shut down for “Keeping nuisance animals” needs help finding homes for their birds.

From Tutu.Pigeon’s instagram;

https://www.instagram.com/tutu.pigeon/ 

Hi everyone, I don't even know how to write this post and my heart aches saying this. Our next door neighbors complained about the availability in our backyard and the Garfield NJ health department came to shut us down. 

We have a week to re-home our beautiful rescues and I've been working night and day to find them new homes. 

I've been summoned to court for the following violations: 1. Keeping of animals considered a public nuisance, 2. Having a coop that's too close to my home and the neighbor (needs to be 25 feet or more away), and 3. Having a wild bird feeder that is open. 

Apparently, we needed a permit to have the pigeons and the city is not allowing me to remedy the situation and apply for a permit. 

We do not have enough room in the yard to move the aviary (it has to be taken down) and as renters, our landlord would not be happy about all the pigeons in the home. We are cornered, and it is another reminder that people really do not understand or appreciate pigeons. 

How can animals inside their cage bother anyone? We are heartbroken and will do whatever possible to keep Tutu as a pet. 

We have been blessed to have people step up to help us, and we are arranging to drive all over the United States to find the birds placement in sanctuaries. 

If you would like to support us in any way, please donate to our fundraiser (link in bio) so we can make the necessary trips to Vermont, Oklahoma, and other neighboring states. It will be multiple days of driving but our beautiful rescues deserve another chance. 

Thank you all for the love you've shown us and we will continue to run this page as best we can. I think there is much work to be done to fix people's perception about pigeons and so so many innocent animals that need saving. 

Our disabled pigeons have been granted temporary asylum upstate NY while they find forever homes. As I write this, Beaker, Doll, Minion, Slate, Ally, Dove, and Farble (our disabled pigeons) are on their way to a new life. 

10/3/20

Hi everyone, I wanted to update you on our situation. We are still actively re-homing our beautiful birds. Yesterday, 7 of our disabled/sick pigeons (Beaker, Ally, Slate, Dove, Minion, Farble, Doll) were transported upstate NY to a safe haven while we find permanent placement. The wonderful Sue from @themiafoundation is taking care of "The Jersey Seven" and set them up in their own beautiful room where they are comfortable (pic 9 and video 10). You probably already know of Sue, her pigeon and puppy combo have won the hearts of many! (picture 8). Yesterday were able to find a great home for our beautiful one-eyed Grover with @pidgey.fred. Grover immediately went on her new mommy's shoulder and I believe she's probably still sitting there 😆 We have lined up more permanent homes for our pigeons but still have 16 pigeons that need placement. We are planning our multi-state trip and need your support to make this happen. There are people interested in adopting our birds in California, Washington, Florida and Oklahoma. If you can support us, please donate to our link in our Bio. We appreciate everyone's help and support thus far. You have been so very kind to us. The GoFundMe link is new, specifically for re-homing, so I can share updates on there about our trip. If we can make this happen, you will be able to see pics and videos of our destinations and the Pigeon's new homes. ♥️

10/5/20

Today we say goodbye to our aviary, and the so many beautiful moments we have captured. I'm blessed to have crossed paths with these beautiful creatures and been able to save them. I will keep fighting to secure them a good life, we will not give up on them. Our babies have struggled enough in their early lives and I can only hope they will all find loving homes. Thank you for your donations, it means the world to us. Please continue to support us on our GoFundMe (link in Bio). We are also blessed to have a friend who is taking the aviary and our babies until we can adopt everyone out. This buys us some time. You have all been so generous with us. Even though at moments it doesn't feel like it- the world does have good people and when we stick together we achieve the impossible.

10/15/20

Hi everyone, just wanted to update you all on the aviary takedown and this entire situation. We have successfully relocated the aviary to our friend's home a few hours away. It took us two days of taking it apart, getting some help with the lifting and then reassembling it at it's new location. It was a stressful time for the birds as they spent most of this time in their boxes and carriers. Their new safe haven is quiet and beautiful with lots of other animals such as chicken and ducks roaming in a private yard. If you recall, this is the place we rehomed Sophie (renamed Quinn) when Tutu couldn't get along with him. The last pics and videos show the aviary that Quinn lives in with friends. Our birds are being kept at this location while we secure safe homes for them. Our friend is very kind and is making updates to the aviary to make it more spacious, since the birds are a bit cramped. Here, we had an indoor room that they used as well. In the video you can see that we installed a smaller cage to the end of the aviary which the birds seem to be enjoying. With regards to adoptions, we have secured a handful of new homes and even found a great person in CA willing to adopt most of our babies. Our special needs birds such as Beaker remain upstate and have vet appointments coming up. Dove (the beautiful white wedding release bird) has been successfully rehomed after recovering from her sickness. This week we are planning to rehome in NC and GA and are driving down from NJ. Next week we will rehome in CT. Finally, we still need to raise enough money to take the week long trip to CA.

10/16/20

Hi friends, our babies are being pampered in their foster home. We've installed an extra flight cage to make them more comfortable since they've been a bit cramped in the aviary without their indoor room. Look how everyone is settling in. We estimate that it will be a few weeks before we can make our CA trip where almost all of our remaining birds are being rehomed. We still have 6 birds upstate recovering and not yet ready for adoption. Recently Dove (the wedding release pigeon) was adopted out! For us to make the Cali trip, we need to reserve an RV since it's roughly 5 days of driving each way. It will be quite impossible to check into a hotel with our birds. 😅 We will also need the room for several cages and to be able to clean the cages and keep everyone happy and fed. We need to purchase more cages and pads. The rental costs $200 a day, plus gas/tolls. We have donations saved but estimate we need another $1,700 to make this trip happen. Please help us by donating or sharing our GoFundMe campaign (link in Bio).

10/17/20

Rehoming Trip Day 1: We are driving South to North Carolina today and rehoming some of our turtles in a beautiful pond setup (we've rescued 13 turtles through the years). @tani.turtle. We will then continue down to South Carolina where we should arrive by midnight. We are driving 12 hour days this weekend. Tomorrow we plan to rehome another turtle and also our pigeons in Georgia before heading back up to SC again for the night. Day 3 will consist of driving back home. In the meantime, we have tons of cameras set up so we can keep an eye on everyone at home and so we can talk to Tutu through the monitor. Thank you all for chipping in and help us fund our trip down South. We plan to make a couple trips to rehome more locally in Connecticut and keep saving up for our Cali trip which should conclude our rehoming. From there we will continue to place our special needs birds as they complete their recovery. 

We have quarantine spaces open here at The Ramsey Loft, if needed, but they seem to have fosters covered and, understandably, they would prefer their remaining pigeons to go straight to their adoptive homes.

If any one is looking to adopt a pigeon, please contact them via  Facebook messenger (https://m.me/yazmin.feliz) instagram page (@tutu.pigeon), or text  646-705-8047

[anokaiwritingblog]

Oh hey. I forgot I have a writing blog. Here’s a WIP of my short story collection for my creative writing class. It’s a WIP for one of my major ideas I want to do.

Once every century, it is said that the planets of the solar system align perfectly. In a perfect row, they cast upon the ultimate shadow upon one another; opening the gates to other realms far from our own. It was said that the fallen god rose from this gate and set his sights on destroying our system just like his own. But where evil went, goodness was sure to follow. Out from this gate came the Holy Maiden and her summoned knight. Together, they sealed away the fallen god and cast light back into our system. The two understood that the battle was far from over. “Catch a fish for a man, he would eat for a day. Teach the man how to fish, and he eats for a lifetime.” Despite their love for each other, the Holy Maiden and her summoned knight agreed to go on separate pilgrimages to spread their teachings. The Holy Maiden remained in our system and founded us, the Holy Order, to pass on her teachings and traditions to future Holy Maidens. Her summoned knight, on the other hand, returned into the gate and spread his words to the numerous realms behind the gate. With their sacrifice, we have prevented the fallen god’s awakening over a thousand times…​

“Ay yo… so, like… cool lore but like… pretty cringy not gonna lie. You lost me at the “aligning of the planets” bit. It went from horoscope bullshit to cliched pre-teen novels with a bit of a JRPG elements in there,” a voice spoke out, breaking the breathtaking spell that weighed heavy in this beautifully painted dream.

The wind blew soft through the empty courtyard as no one said anything. In a walled-off garden stood seven bodies, each facing each other in a circle with a pond that separated each figure. Each stood on their own path that was surrounded by the water on each side but behind. A mini pier if you wish to imagine. The water was clear, yet the light was too blinding to see past the surface. All seven figures were outlined well enough to show that they were all women, yet a shadow covered their faces to remain a mystery to one another. Sitting above all this was a pink-haired woman. Her hair was braided back and looked far too youthful to be talking like an elder. Her prink eyes scanned each woman to search for the back talker, a glare like a dagger and on edge. Despite that, she kept an icy façade.

“Who cut me off? Head Nun of the Holy Order?” the pink-haired woman spoke up, looking down at the crowd of women below her.

“Uh, me.”

Slicing through the air, the Head Nun’s eyes locked on to the woman who spoke up; her hand raised slightly while maintaining the image of being smaller than what she was. Her limbs were tightly held together like a defensive turtle yet flashing a Chester cat grin in reception of the attention. “No offense lady but I felt like I heard this exact same plot with some gacha game I played last month. Can we just skip all this tutorial nonsense to get to the fuckin’ point already?” the woman continued, her blunt and straightforward words not matching the lowkey appearance she was trying to give off.

“Oh! You played Fate/Grand Order too? I’ve been trying to pull Gilgamesh for my team for months,” the woman on the right of the back talker chimed in. Though she was covered in shadow, the third party was animatedly clapping her hands together in excitement that she found a companion who played the same game.

“Eh, I stopped after two months. The drop rates are insane for that game and you don’t get enough of the in-game currency. I prefer Epic Seven since you actually win the gamble in summoning a strong hero-“

“Silence!”

Slamming her hand against the armrest of her chair, the Head Nun demanded all attention back onto her. The sound of flesh against marble echoing throughout this supernatural courtyard. Zeroing in out the outlier, the Head Nun sized her up before letting out a scoff. Receiving this judgmental look was a young woman of 21 years. If she never stood by herself, she might have blended in with a crowd with her rather ordinary looks. Brown hair, matching brown eyes, and a pair of glasses. Tell that description to any sketch artist and they would draw any other woman. One in five women look exactly like her. Was that statistically correct? Of course not, but most would believe it these days.

The nun craned her neck over these seven girls, peering down with arrogance. Who would have thought that the bold one in this group wasn’t the goth but this… loser. Despite not being affected by the spell, the rebel was overseen like the shadow of her chair or the tree’s. “Are you done speaking over me?”

“No, actually. You aren’t hurrying the fuck up and you rudely cut me off from having a pleasant and stimulating conversation from my neighbor here,” the woman said, “If you aren’t going to tell me what my horoscope is, I don’t want to hear another hour of lore.” From her sides, the woman could hear the reactions from the other girls who listen in to this back and forth. Some ‘tsk’ from her disrespectful actions while others acted a bit shocked. Of course, there were those who snickered from the show while one seemed to be rather disinterested. Tough crowd… To be fair, she wasn’t normally as blunt as she was today. She knew when to keep things to herself but quite frankly, this lady was going on for the last hour about prophecies and cosmic evils. This nun sounds like those writers who only focus on worldbuilding and not writing their story.

“Hurry up? We’re talking about the end of the world- YOUR world. This “lore” is vital. People’s lives are at stake with this information, Two,” the Head Nun said.

“Shit, really? Then why don’t you act it? Literally… no agency. This is the part where a creative writing teacher tells you “show don’t tell”,” Two answered right back; sarcasm dripping from every syllable. She wanted to correct the hag. Her name was Mia, but she understood there was anonymity for a reason. She was tactless, not stupid. Well, Mia would argue she had some tact, but her patience ran thin do this grossly, mishandled magic society. She thought those campy young adult books with groups run by idiots were meant to be… you know, fiction?

It all started right when Mia got to bed. She just got home from a long shift at work and all she wanted was nothing more than lay in bed. And that she did once she took an evening shower before bed. It was normal, everyday stuff for the third-year college student. She had school tomorrow and Mia just wanted to rest her aching body. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she opened her eyes to a completely new world. Looking around, she found herself not alone. There was one other person with her face covered and the pink-haired woman as well. Mia was greeted as “Two” and was told to wait for the other five to show.

That was an hour wasted in waiting and add in the additional hour for the hefty speech, we got our recipe for an irritated Mia. She didn’t go to bed just to stand up for two hours for some fantasy bullshit. Any other time? Sure. It’s cool. But now??? WHEN SHE HAS A TEST TOMORROW?! INCONVENIENT! It killed Mia since this was pretty fucking cool and different from the norm. Everyone dreams of being picked the chosen one but, come on… this was too predictable. If you read a fantasy book or consumed any fantasy media before, then you know what’s going on.

“Rude child. This information isn’t something as trivial as a novel,” the Head Nun spoke, looking down at Mia like a haughty teacher.

“I’m gonna assume that we’re all candidates in being chosen as the new Holy Maiden. We chose our knights or whatever. Compete and whoever wins must reseal the fallen god then tada! Happy ending! Yay!” Mia said. She even raised her hand at the ‘yay’ portion of her phrase. “Listen dude, I play too many games and read a shit ton of books for this. Can we please not do this while I’m in my pajamas?” Mia said, practically begging to be released from this mild inconvenience.

“… You guys weren’t exactly chosen. The universe brought you to us…” the Head Nun spoke, not really arguing with what Mia said. There was a cocky grin on Mia’s face as she just couldn’t help but find it funny how she got some otherworldly person tongue-tied.

“A lottery system huh… sounds about right. An NPC like me wouldn’t be chosen normally… I’m way too smart to be a main character,” Mia thought. She glances to the side for a moment before back on the show.

“Well… I’ll work with Two on this point and speed things up. Time is of the essence,” the head nun spoke, acting as if she was graciously fulfilling Mia’s wish. At this point, Mia didn’t care. Whatever helped the nun feel powerful or whatever… “As Two pointed out, all seven of you are candidates for becoming the new Holy Maiden. You will come into this realm three times a week for your lessons to strengthen your magic and during your regular days of the week, you seven will compete with one another. Your knights are the extension of your magic. When one knight trumps the other, they prove you are the strongest magic user and your defeated candidate is knocked out of the running. This continues until the last one is standing,” the nun explained, “We have hidden your faces and names from each other to keep you guys from cheating and attacking each other when you aren’t ready for combat. If you wish to fight, it’s up to you guys to discuss how to go about it.”

“A battle royal? I thought dystopian novels where kids kill each other in a game was out of fashion? I mean- they already got the Mirai Nikki vibe with the covered faces in the central hub…” Mia thought. She laughed under her breath with mild amusement at the situation. She decided to keep her thoughts hidden now as she surveys the competition. She wasn’t sure if she was going to take this seriously, but she thought she should start hiding her thoughts on the matter now. “The Head Nun never said we couldn’t figure out each other’s identity and jump them… nor any etiquettes of battle… how curious,” she continued her train of thought as she waited for the nun to finish.

“We’ll now do the summoning ritual. One, please kneel down and place your hand into the water to help your knight rise,” the Head Nun spoke. One looked around confused by the order, but she soon nervously did as she was told. She knelt and placed her hand inside. There was a good pause before One jolted. Slowly, One stood up to her feet as a tall figure rose from the water. Just like the girls, his face was hidden from everyone else but his master, no doubt. But his figure was very much noticeable.

“YO! Did you just summon a furry?!” Mia exclaimed before bursting out laughing. She pointed a finger at the girl next to her in a mocking fashion. While she couldn’t see the competition, Mia could at least see a pair of fuzzy dog ears on the knight’s head. But despite her words, Mia knew that, realistically, this knight was most likely a beast man or even a werewolf. She simply didn’t want to lose this chance to taunt her competition.

“Two! Please restrain yourself and respect your fellow maidens and their knights,” the Head Nun spoke. The pink-haired woman coughing into her hand to break up the interaction. “Now, for the love of God. Please shut up, kneel, and summon your knight.”

“Damn, at least ask for my consent before forcing me on my knees,” Mia muttered before kneeling as instructed. She felt rather stupid but seeing how the first maiden got a knight, Mia decided to just trust the action. She submerged her hand in the opaque lake. It was wet alright. Yet despite being in spitting distance to the surface, Mia couldn’t see past her reflection. “Come on RNG don’t fail me now. A hot guy would do wonders for my mental health,” Mia joked, “I hope re-rolls are free.”

On the edge of non-existence and existence, a subconscious mind rose to consciousness once more. He drowns in nothingness and breaths in hopelessness.

There was no sky nor ground to define his abysmal prison. Not even a memory to keep him company.

A hand reached out from above. A hand surrounded by light and a promise of warmth. He attempted to reach for it, yet he was restricted from moving and was forced to watch another steal the opportunity from the shadow. He watched the pair of hands meet and just like that, the light was gone.

He sank deeper into the depths of this unholy waiting room.

Yet again, a hand was extended from the dark with the temptation of freedom. Cautious to reach for it after the first time, he looked around for others who wished to take it. Many came and all walked away. No one wanted to take this hand.

He made an attempt to take it, if only to escape, but found that he was unable to pry himself free. Defeated, he decided to give up on the opportunity. It was pointless anyways.

Left unheld, the hand does not reel empty handed. No. Instead, it curled its fingers until one finger remained up.

One big ‘fuck you’.

What the fuck? So much for an inviting presence. Who did this person think they are? It wasn’t like he didn’t try to take their hand. But seeing this middle finger dangling in front of him like a fishhook with bait, he reached for it once more to drag the hand down into the depths with him. He was tied in place but after some furious tugs, he was freed with a pop.

Taking the hand, it became evident that the one getting snatched wasn’t them but him. Curled fingers shifted forms into a vice grip around his wrist upon skin contact. The dark veil that covered him were ripped off in that instance. Lights, sounds, textures, tastes, and smells flooded his senses as he became a person once again.

Planting both feet on the ground, Mia used both hands to reel up her prey. This summoning was nothing graceful like the girl next to her. It was primal and chaotic as Mia’s partner was floundering under the water. So much for a knight in shining armor. This guy isn’t fighting any dragons anytime soon if he’s having difficulty wrestling against an inanimate substance.

Letting out a battle cry, Mia used all her strength to bring her knight to the surface and onto the pier with her. It wasn’t his entire body but enough of it was on land that it was easier to drag the rest of him out with less trouble. Mia fell backwards on her butt and was slightly out of breath after that intensive ritual. Shiiiit. Carrying a body is a lot harder than it looks kids! Don’t trust what you see on TV. The more you knowミ★

Mia was the image of ‘tired’ with her slightly flushed cheeks and skewed. Fanning herself, she patiently waited for the man she pulled out to make the first move, yet he was belly-down, still as a door nail. For someone who had a lot of energy to fight against help, he suddenly became as complacent as a kitten.

Oh fuck... he isn’t dead, is he? Cause that’ll be pretty awkward ngl ┐(´-｀)┌

Mia leaned forward to inspect what she pulled out. She lifted his pale arm to search for a pulse. It was cold to the touch and she couldn’t tell if the steady thud she felt was his or an echo of her own. Upon letting it go, it limply fell to the ground with no flinch from him. Crap. Don’t tell her that she accidentally pulled out a dead body?! Well, Mia knew that pulling trash can happen during fishing mini games but she thought that this more of a “guarantee knight summoning” deal. Mia refused to believe that she waited five humiliating minutes waiting just to pull out a corpse. She wants a refund, god damn it!

Moving his head, Mia planned to check his pulse from his neck to double check if he was dead. There was no resistance in the action, yet she found herself meeting a pair of responsive red eyes peaking from between snowy white hair. The two of them stared at each other for a moment as they both seemed like caught criminals in the middle of a crime. The man’s chest raised up and down as he breaths; a piece of evidence that doesn’t escape Mia’s attention. He’s…

“HE’S HOT!!!”

Scrambling to her feet, Mia put both her hands in the air and let out her victory screech to the worried silhouettes surrounding her. No wait- she should be yelling how he was alive, not his appearance. Yet here she was, doing a victory dance on top of her knight in a pair of polka dotted pajamas. Give her a pitchfork and a tail then you got the image of an imp dancing on a grave. “Bro! He’s so hot... Edward Cullen lookin’ ass- I mean, not like the musty looking Robert Patterson version but how you imagine he look like based on the description,” Mia explained to anyone listening with a wildly inaccurate and vague description of the man. She waved her arms animatedly as she gossiped with her peers with the person in question crawling to his feet.

“Dude, that should be the last of your concerns,” Five said.

“I think you should make sure he’s okay…” Seven said, joining Five in expressing concern.

“Whoa there! You can’t really blame my maiden here for getting hung up on my dashing good looks. Dead or alive, you’ll notice my face first before anything else.”

Laying a heavy hand on Mia’s right shoulder, the man wrapped his arm around the woman to stand in solidarity it her. Surprised by the action, Mia tilt her head to the side to look at her knight to judge which side he was playing on. She locked eyes with him once more but not on accident this time. His touch was uncomfortable, yet she doesn’t push him away. They were a pair of souls with two different goals yet had a silent agreement to meet in the middle for the moment.

“Good to see you again, Catherine. You hardly look over two thousand years old,” Mia’s knight said, being the first to break their line of sight to look at the Head Nun. The nun sneered as the source of her stress doubled over the course of ten minutes.

“Ashley…” the Head Nun said, nearly hissing out the name. Her knuckles were turning white due to how tightly she held onto her armrest.

“Ash,” he corrected her, with equal amount of distaste in return. Ash was smiling but he on edge just like the Head Nun. But this rivalry was interrupted when Mia pinched Ash’s hand to catch his attention. He looked back down to receive Mia’s disapproving expression at his brief quip with the Head Nun. It seemed hypocritical that Mia was suddenly policing his attitude considering she was flaunting on the competition, but Ash clocked on what’s making her step in. “It’s okay,” Ash said, leaning down to whisper into Mia’s left ear, “This was just between me and her. No one heard me use my name. Not like it matters.”

“I’m just disappointed that you don’t have a chainsaw arm,” Mia whispered back, pretending she never had that concern by throwing out a seemingly random thought. Ash stared at her as if she was insane and as if to say ‘what are you talking about’ with expressions alone. “What? You never seen the Evil Dead franchise?” Mia whispered, “Not a fan of zombies movies?”

“You watched me rise from the depths, fight other knights, and you’re asking me if I’ve seen a movie?” Ash said, in disbelief at her question yet finding himself amused by it at the same time.

“I take it that you don’t have Netflix in the void then.”

Watching the duo snicker and conspire with each other like a pair of high school delinquents, the Head Nun rubbed her forehead as a migraine began to surface. She was losing control once again thanks to double trouble. Even the other girls who were patiently waiting began talking among each other. “Oh my god… like I thought, this was the worst combination I’ve ever seen in my lifetime…,” the Head Nun muttered to herself. She covered her face as she shook her head slowly as if she was contemplating something. “I didn’t realize it would be this bad… Out of all the times for that guy to make an appearance, he had to end up with her,” she continued muttering before ultimately lifting her head to look down at Mia and her summoned knight. The Head Nun needed to separate them. “Ah, Two? I don’t mean to disturb your… fun. But you summoned one of the more… troublesome knights considering his background. I’ll allow you to “re-roll”. How does that sound?” the Head Nun spoke, her voice sickening sweet and obviously fake.

Mia and Ash quickly turned to look at each other for how their partner would react. They wordlessly conversed with Mia gesturing the two of them then to the Head Nun. Ash’s only reply was an uncaring shrug but ended up nervously shaking off the water that stuck to his hair to appear distracted. “Yeah… no deal, Howie Mandel,” Mia said, trailing off for a moment to gauge last minute expressions from Ash before turning her full attention on the Head Nun. “You doing that makes me want to stick with Mr. Abominable Albino even more,” she said.

“Abominable Albino?” Ash said. He had a hand over his chest and appeared almost offending by the alliteration. He was hardly offended by being called such a thing but the fact that Mia wasted a braincell to make an awful pun in the middle of a fantastical end-of-the-world scenario.

“Whenever some untrustworthy figure makes some inflammatory comment about one of the leads, they’re obviously doing that to cause aa divide between the leads for their own benefit,” Mia continued as she ignored Ash’s offense to her words. She waved her hand in the air as if to disperse the fog of misinformation. “You even had a mini aside moment where you muttered to the readers that there’s something more about Ash!”

“Pardon?”

The Head Nun looked completely lost as Mia’s rambling turned to the meta and spoke about invisible audience members. But just like Ash, Mia ignored her words to continue her spiel. “And even if he’s a piece of shit. Worthless. Good for nothing. Pathetic. Dead weight. Only a pretty vase-“

“Okay. I think she gets it already,” Ash said, cutting in as the terms began to pile in his heart. He squeezed Mia’s shoulder to have her move on to the point.

“I will never give him up,” Mia said.

“And... why is that?” the Head Nun asked, wringing her dress in fear that Mia figured something out that she wasn’t supposed to.

“Because he is hot. I made that pretty clear since the beginning,” Mia said. She held her head high and mighty with not even a hint of shame. For a moment, Ash was about to feel touched by Mia coming to his defense. Touched enough that it would make him loyal to her and act as a spark to a turbulent but heartfelt young adult love story which would turn into a mildly popular trilogy with an eventual movie deal before fading into obscurity. But the curtains closed on that sparkling yet oddly specific future as Ash realized that he was stuck with the weird kid. “I mean- I guess I value him as a person too… or something. Power of belief or whatever inspirational term author’s like to use to tug on heartstrings.”

[rawrmeansmemes]

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY ( 2014)  SENTENCE STARTERS

I’m just gonna come right out, I have no idea what’s going on... at all.

Okay, I'm gonna be totally honest with you ... I forgot you were here.

They got my dick message!

You said it yourself, bitch: We're the Guardians of the Galaxy.

I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy.

I am not some starry-eyed waif here to succumb to your... your...pelvic sorcery!

I have lived most of my life surrounded by my enemies. I would be grateful to die surrounded by my friends.

We're just like Kevin Bacon!

Nothing goes over my head! My reflexes are too fast, I would catch it.

I am Groot.

We... are... Groot.

Ain't no thing like me, 'cept me!

Look at this guy. Can you believe they call us criminals when he's assaulting us with that haircut?

You just wanna suck the joy outta everything.

YOU'RE MAKIN'... ME... BEAT... UP... GRASS!!

You wanna get to him, you go through us! Or more accurately... We go through you!!

Ninja Turtle, you better stop poking me!

With all due respect, _____, your daughter made this mess, and yet you summon me.

Well, supposedly, these bald bodies find you attractive, so maybe you could work out some sort of trade.

You must be joking.

No, I really heard they find you attractive.

Oh, she has no idea. If I had a black light, this place would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.

Really? Well, on my planet, we have a legend about people like you. It's called Footloose.

Who put the sticks up their butts?

Fine. But I can't promise when all this is over, I'm not gonna kill every last one of you jerks.

That's exactly why none of you have any friends! Five seconds after you meet somebody, you're already trying to kill them!

WHAT DO YOU STILL HAVE IT FOR!?!

You are a disappointment, _____. Out of all our siblings, I hated you least.

I saw you out there. I don't know what came over me, but I couldn't let you die.

I found something inside of myself. Something incredibly heroic.

None of this ever would've happened if you didn't try to singlehandedly take on a FRICKIN' ARMY!

Oh, I don't care if it's mean. Everybody's got dead people! It's no excuse to get everybody else dead along the way!

This is what we get for acting altruistically!

They are ungrateful!

First of all, you're copying me from when I said I had a plan.

No, I'm not! People say that all the time, it's not that unique of a thing to say.

That is the most real, authentic, hysterical laugh of my entire life, because that is not a plan!

You all happy? We're all standing up now. Bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle.

He said that he's "an a-hole". But he's not, and I'm quoting him here, "100% a dick".

For the record, I advised them against trusting you here.

What should we do next? Something good? Something bad? Bit of both?

[goosewhisker]

russetfur vs. the entirety of skyclan || ch. 3

read this on ao3 || read this on fanfiction.net

chapter one

chapter two

summary:  After enduring months of Turtlekit and Kitekit’s abuse, Rootkit finally snaps and accidentally awakens his powers. This has the unfortunate side effect of reviving the ghost of an angry Shadowclan warrior who: 1) is personally offended by Skyclan’s existence, and 2) has magnanimously taken it upon herself to relieve the world of that burden. Or something

okay so its been a minute since i posted. a lot of things happened, i got a kitten, a job, a new fandom, and i speedran a full semester of calculus in like the past four weeks. im sorry about how late this is and i cant promise when the next one will be up but its half written already so uh hope springs eternal. anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk

also shoutout to @turquoise-tulip for reminding me that ive had this chapter in my drafts for half a year now this ones for you im sorry its so stupid

Chapter Three: In Which Rootkit Practices the Art of Blackmail 

The morning after is quiet.

...is what Rootkit would like to say. Actually, he gets woken up by Tree at what his mom likes to call 'the butt-crack of dawn' to go talk to Leafstar, thereby ruining his chances of being a normal warrior forever.

When they get to the leader's den, Violetshine is already there. Rootkit discovers this by walking into her while his eyes are closed in the middle of a yawn.

"See, he's about to fall asleep on his paws," his mom points out, sounding pretty close to yawning herself. "It's too early for this. Morning, kid."

Rootkit mumbles something that's unintelligible even to himself and falls asleep on his mother's paws. A few minutes later, he's woken by gentle paws on his back.

"Hey, kid. Kiddo. You gotta get up."

Rootkit hums absently, still mostly asleep, before realizing abruptly where he is. Mouse dung! Suddenly, he's completely awake. He jerks his head up, almost colliding with Tree's jaw before he pulls out of the way. Rootkit, too busy panicking, doesn't notice. He just fell asleep in Leafstar's den! After she'd brought him over to talk specifically to him! After seeing this humiliating display of incompetence, she'll really never make him a warrior, and Kitekit and Turtlekit will-

"Rootkit." The single word cuts through the panic. Rootkit looks up to see Leafstar, looking very serious with only a hint of amusement seeping through. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes!" The answer bursts out of him before he really thinks it through. And, well, it's not entirely true, but it's not entirely untrue either. Either way, he's up for answering any questions, which is probably what she's asking.

Leafstar looks at him just long enough for him to start fidgeting before she begins. "I've already spoken to your parents, Rootkit, so I know most of the story. I just need to know your side. What happened yesterday with the ghost?"

Rootkit looks at his paws, then back to Leafstar's calming gaze. "It started when I was at the grave. I was just- just talking, and then Kitekit found me..."

He tells her the whole, stupid story. How he'd lost it at Kitekit and Turtlekit and turned around to find a ghost looming over him; how he'd asked Tree for help, only for her to disappear; how she'd attacked him and Tree, announced her intentions, and vanished. At last, the story runs dry and he falls silent to watch her expression change.

Leafstar hums thoughtfully. She turns to Tree. "Do you think she's likely to hurt someone?"

Tree shrugs, looking uncomfortable. "If she's serious, yes. Most ghosts can't touch the living. Those who can - like this one - usually died violently or thinking they were wronged. And angry ghosts tend to be... volatile."

"Ah." Leafstar considers this.

"If it comes to that, what'll you do?" Violetshine asks. "Will you be able to stop her?"

Rootkit watches Tree watch his mom, and something in his dad's eyes soften. He leans over to swipe a tongue over her ear. "You want to help her, don't you?" he says quietly. "Because she's Shadowclan?"

Violetshine flushes, but she doesn't back down. "Many of them weren't kind to me," she says, "But Shadowclan was still my home once. I can't just forget that."

Tree purrs and winds his tail with hers. "That's why I love you," he whispers.

Rootkit sticks his tongue out in disgust. Bleh. Grownups!

"To answer your question," Tree adds, "I don't know what I'll do. I suppose-" he pauses, eyes tight with worry. "I've never exorcised a ghost who didn't want to move on before. I don't know if I even can. This may be something of an experiment."

The grownups look at each other for a long moment. "I will do whatever it takes to keep my clan safe," Leafstar says. There's something like a warning in her voice that makes Rootkit shiver.

"What should I do?" he asks. All three adults look at him like they've forgotten he's there.

After a moment, Leafstar's face breaks into a smile. "Tell you what. You can help by keeping an eye out for this Russetfur and letting one of us know when she's nearby. But listen, Rootkit," and her voice goes stern. "You must stay away from her. Russetfur is dangerous, and she may hurt you to get what she wants. Do you understand me, Rootkit?"

Rootkit looks into Leafstar's amber eyes - warm and worried and burning with a fierce, protective fire - and knows what he has to do. "I understand, Leafstar," he says, and just like that, his mission clicks into place.

From somewhere else in the camp - probably the warriors' den - someone screams, followed by Russetfur's haunting cackles.

Rootkit ignores it.

As he double checks his supplies, Rootkit runs through a mental checklist. He's talked to the ghost - check. He's figured out what she wants - check. He's given her what she wants - well... no. Tree's three-step-plan hadn't exactly accounted for what happened if what the ghost wanted was unobtainable.

Well, it doesn't really matter now. This plan is sure to work.

"Are you sure this is gonna work," Needlekit says again.

"Yes, I am, Starclan above will you stop nagging me," Rootkit says.

His sister makes a disgruntled noise and hauls the next bramble into place with a particularly vicious tug. "I'm just concerned you have no idea what you're doing, is all."

"I know exactly what I'm doing."

Rootkit doesn't have any idea what he's doing.

"Hmm." Needlekit seems thoroughly unconvinced, but she gets on with the task anyway. The trailing brambles she's weaving into place will form a turtle-shell-shaped cage laced with warding herbs over the grave when they're done. The plan is more or less to summon Russetfur into a cage she can't phase through, leaving her unable to escape. In Rootkit's opinion, it's a pretty solid plan for someone who has no idea what he's doing. "Why're you so set on doing this, anyway? Didn't Leafstar tell you not to mess with Gingerpelt?"

"Russetfur," Rootkit corrects her automatically. "And, well, yes, but..." he hesitates. "It's just... you know. I was the one who set her free in the first place, and..."

"Yes?" Needlekit prompts him. She's given up on the brambles and moved to stuffing moss and bracken into the gaps.

Rootkit fidgets uncomfortably for a second before the truth bursts out of him. "And now Russetfur's running wild everywhere and it's all my fault, and what if Leafstar decides not to make me an apprentice? If I don't become an apprentice, I can't be a warrior! And if I can't be a warrior-" he cuts himself off. He can't repeat what Kitekit and Turtlekit had said; even saying the words aloud seems like tempting fate... and he can't burden Needlekit with that, anyway.

Needlekit looks at him, though, and her gaze goes soft. "And being a warrior is your dream," she says, and starts stuffing the gaps with renewed vigor. "Well, come on, then! If we can trap Scarletfuzz then Leafstar will have to make us both apprentices! I can't be an apprentice without you; then I'd have to share the den with just Kitekit and Turtlekit. Can you imagine?" She pulls a disgusted face that has Rootkit giggling despite himself.

"Alright, alright," he says. "While you're doing that..." He shoves aside the piles of bracken they'd collected and settles down on the dirt. In his stories, Tree had never really talked about summoning ghosts - his work had been more about getting them to leave - but Rootkit is pretty confident about his ability to summon her again if necessary. More importantly, one or two of his stories had been about things the average, non-ghost-seeing cat could do to ward off spirits.

Rootkit spreads out his supplies, most of which had been scavenged from the medicine cats through a combination of tag-teaming and white lies. The herbs really are going to help his mom, just not in the way Fidgetflake thinks.

Thistledown. Rosemary. Lavender. Thyme. All plants that either attract or repel spirits, according to Tree (from what Rootkit can remember, anyway). Plus a lot of spiderweb.

"Hey, are you sure that's right?" Needlekit asks, leaning over his shoulder. "I thought we were gonna get some sage. And why'd you pick up the thistle?"

Rootkit frowns. "Well, Fidgetflake was coming back too soon and I panicked, alright? If you've got a problem you can get some more yourself."

Needlekit snickers and prods the massive pile of spiderwebs. "No thanks. I think you could've gotten a little more spiderweb, Frecklewish might still have some left over... yeesh, alright, I'll leave off the sarcasm. You don't have to glare at me."

Rootkit rolls his eyes. The immaturity of some cats. "Maybe I went a little overboard, but we need it. Frecklewish can just send the 'paws out to find some more. Now help me apply it; we need to cover the entire cage so there's no chance of getting out."

It's the work of a few minutes to paste it over with cobwebs, and the work of a few more to weave in all the protecting herbs. With luck, they'll prevent her from just phasing through. By the time they're done, it's so dense that a living cat would find it impossible to escape; Rootkit can only hope that the same goes for a dead one.

"Alright, fire 'er up!" Needlekit commands.

Rootkit closes his eyes to focus, trying to recall the feeling of power rushing through his being. Once, Tree had told them of a time when he'd jumped onto a wire fence and been struck by something he'd called electricity- what lightning is made of, apparently. Rootkit imagines it feels something like that.

The power lying dormant in his veins leaps forth eagerly at his call. It swells like a crescendo of sound, rushing out through his paws into the ground.

Rootkit focuses on the grave with every fiber of his being and wills it to summon its spirit. "Russetfur!" he cries out.

For a moment, nothing happens.

Then, something shifts.

It's like a hole is briefly torn through space; instinctively, Rootkit reaches in, grabs something, and drags it through.

Beside him, Needlekit gasps. "What the heck was that?"

But her voice is wavy, distorted. Rootkit opens an eye and finds his world is tilted sideways. Needlekit makes a high pitched noise that scrapes its claws across the most inner parts of Rootkit's ears.

"M'fine," Rootkit mumbles. His words are slurred, he realizes distantly, because half his face is pressed into the dirt.

Needlekit jabs him. "This is no time for sleeping, Rootkit. Did it work?"

Rootkit blinks. For a moment, he has absolutely no idea what she's talking about; then, the memories start to flood back. He narrows his eyes, remembering the feeling of hooking a soul on his clawtips like a fish. "I think-"

He's interrupted by an infuriated caterwaul that drowns out whatever he was going to say.

"What is this?"

The cage shakes as its captive throws her entire weight against the wall, but it holds steady. The herbs have done their job; even a ghost can't pass through.

Needlekit laughs triumphantly. "It's bad kitty jail for bad kitties!"

Russetfur snarls back something absolutely obscene and proceeds to attack the inside of the cage with a ferocious determination. At least, Rootkit thinks she is; it's kind of hard to tell since they can't actually see her.

"Can she get out?" Rootkit wonders.

"No," Needlekit says at the same time Russetfur snaps, "You bet your kittypet hide I will."

Rootkit blinks.

"Literally," Russetfur adds. "Because I'll strip it off your back to line my nest."

"Oh." Rootkit drops his head back on the ground. The dirt here is very comfy, he realizes. Maybe he should just sleep here from now on. "Yeah. That was kind of unclear."

"It'll become very clear in a few minutes, runt. I'll even give you a demonstration."

Needlekit leans against the cage with a smirk that probably would have been infuriating, if Russetfur could actually see it. "Don't worry, Redpelt, you're clear as crystal."

Rootkit freezes. Even the scraping sounds coming from inside the cage cut off. "What was that," Russetfur says suspiciously. "Did you just-"

"Keep your spirits up," Needlekit says. "I'm sure you'll be back to your old haunting grounds in no time."

Rootkit tries to slam his head into the ground and discovers that it's really much harder to do when you're already lying on it.

Russetfur doesn't say anything.

"What's wrong, ghostie? You're as silent as the dead in there."

Then a translucent ear rises out of the ground right next to Rootkit's face and he screams loud enough to be heard halfway to Riverclan, probably, and scrambles out of the way. Needlekit screams, too, and then Russetfur is climbing out of the ground like a corpse emerging from its grave.

She shakes herself off and grins down at them with more teeth than a cat should rightfully have. "You forgot to ward the bottom," she says. Rootkit makes a very small sound that definitely qualifies as a whimper. "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."

All the fur on Needlekit's body has bushed out so she looks twice her size - which, compared to the full-grown warrior before them, is almost nothing. She's shaking like a leaf, but undaunted, she spits at Russetfur's feet. "Drop dead!"

Rootkit could kill her.

In a blur of movement, Russetfur pins Needlekit to the cage wall with one paw. "I admire your spirit, kit," she hisses. "But if you want to sass me, you're digging your own grave."

That's it. Rootkit has had enough. That is the final stars-damned straw. "Shut up with the stupid ghost puns, I swear to Starclan," Rootkit screams.

The wind rustles gently in the treetops as the two she-cats stare at him.

"The next person to make a single stars-cursed ghost pun, I am going to snap your fleabitten neck. Is that clear?"

Needlekit makes a stifled noise muted by the heavy paw slowly crushing her windpipe.

"Ah." Russetfur looks to be considering it. "Would you say we're dead m-"

Rootkit makes a very aggressive series of throat-slitting gestures.

"...you've got your father's spirit in you, I see."

"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it," Rootkit snarls.

That gets her attention. Russetfur's eyes widen, then narrow. "Oh?" Her voice is considerably less friendly.

This is where it gets tricky. Rootkit's at a disadvantage - he's just seriously ticked off a relatively powerful ghost with a grudge against his relatively powerless clan, she's got his sister by the throat, and his only bargaining chip is a bluff. But there's an opportunity somewhere here; he just has to navigate a very prickly, very dangerous minefield and pray he doesn't blow them all up.

Time to channel his inner Tree. "Look," Rootkit says, in his best diplomat voice. "Clearly, we both want something here, something that we can provide for each other. What do you say we make a deal?"

Russetfur narrows her eyes and tightens her grip on Needlekit. "I don't think you're in a position to bargain, here," she says.

"On the contrary." Rootkit raises a paw. "I am in every position to offer a deal... as you just experienced yourself."

Russetfur scoffs. "What could you possibly have to offer me?"

"Your life."

That gives her pause. "If you could exorcise me, you'd have done it already."

Rootkit gives his best imitation of her knife-sharp smile and proceeds to lie through his teeth. "What do you think we were doing just now?"

The ghost narrows her eyes and says nothing.

Rootkit seizes his opportunity and plows onward. "You don't want to be exorcised, and we don't want you in our camp. So here's the deal - you leave and we don't follow." The last few words are growled out, like Leafstar whenever someone threatens the clan.

It's very intimidating, in his opinion, but it doesn't seem to have an effect in Russetfur. If anything, it only seems to make her angrier. "I won't sacrifice my honor as a Shadowclan cat to run from a bunch of kittypets," Russetfur snarls, leaning closer. "Even if you kill me again, I'd sooner die fighting for my clan than kowtow to some coddled housepets."

Rootkit grits his teeth. She hasn't called his bluff, but they can't have her running loose and hurting people. Think, Rootkit! "Another deal, then," he says. "If you won't leave the camp, then you just can't hurt anybody."

"No deal," Russetfur snaps.

"That's the final offer," Rootkit says coldly. "Under no circumstances are you allowed to hurt or injure any Skyclan cats. I'm not going to compromise on that point. And you can't really afford to bargain, anyway," he adds with a shrug. His heart is pounding so loudly he's almost sure Russetfur can hear it. "If you don't, I'll just summon you into the cage again and exorcise you for good. Or who knows? Maybe we'll leave you in there for a while. And this time we'll cover the bottom." He finishes with the nastiest, most hateful smile he can muster - which isn't particularly difficult, right now.

Russetfur goes silent. He can practically hear the gears in her brain ticking as she weighs her options. There's clearly only one real option here; he just hopes she isn't too prideful to take it.

"Fine," Russetfur growls, voice so low he has to strain to hear it. "Fine. I agree to your terms." The hatred seeping from her voice is almost palpable.

Well, the feeling is absolutely mutual. Rootkit dips into a little bow and bares his fangs in a farce of a smile. "Pleasure doing business with you."

Russetfur disappears into the air, leaving Needlekit to slump to the ground, wheezing. Rootkit waits until he's certain the ghost is gone before sinking onto the ground himself, body shaking with all the fear he couldn't allow himself to show before. Holy crap.

"Are you," Needlekit begins, then cuts herself off with a raucous bout of coughs that makes him wince. "Are you... okay?" she whispers hoarsely.

Rootkit makes a high-pitched, keening noise before breaking into nervous laughter. "No, no, not even a little bit. Oh, Starclan, I can't believe I'm alive, I thought she was going to kill us both. Oh stars..." he trails off with a giggle and buries his face in the dirt.

They lie there for a couple minutes, the silence broken only by Needlekit's wheezing and Rootkit's trembling.

"I want Mom and Dad," Needlekit whispers.

Rootkit couldn't agree more.

[the-writing-mobster]

Yes Man AU

I know no one was asking for this, but this is literally my favorite movie! So as a small love letter to Yes Man starring Jim Carrey, I wrote a small au oneshot with the WDYW cast. I do hope you enjoy, and found it just as funny as I did while reading it! 

Yes Man AU 

Sans couldn't believe he was doing this. He couldn't believe he had let Nick talk him into coming. He hadn't even really talked him into it. Nick had just popped up out of nowhere, threw a rock into the university window where he worked and yelled at him to go to the stupid Yes Seminar while getting chased by security. 

Honestly the reason he had actually come to this stupid fucking thing was because he had accidentally blown off Papyrus's engagement party. What kind of a brother was he!? That was the wakeup call he needed to get off his ass. Maybe… maybe this would… he didn't know. He already felt stupid as he walked through the throngs of happy humans and monsters alike. 

It was like walking through a mega church. There was an air of… some weird spirituality sprinkled with scummy book stores. 

Everyone was so… smiley. He himself had a literal permanent grin on his face but… their smiles were different. Alive? 

“Sans! You actually came! I knew you would. Trust me man, this is what you need. You're gonna love this man. You need this!” Sans nodded along, trying to hide his pained grimace as best he could from his longtime friend. 

“Yeah well… I just… yeah,” he murmured as Nick dragged him to their seats in the audience. Sans sat awkwardly amongst the jabbering crowd as Nick waited impatiently for the seminar to start. 

He felt as out of place as an atheist during mass. 

Then the lights dimmed and a hush fell over the crowd. Music swelled throughout the room and his brow bones raised and he glanced at Nick, who's eyes were wide with childish excitement. 

“Life… we are all living it… Or are we?” spoke a mystical voice. Sans grunted. 

“Riveting…” 

“Change is generated from consciousness, but where is consciousness generated from? From the external. And how do we control the external? ... With one word. And what is that word?” 

“YES!” screamed the crowd, Sans jumping in his seat at the sudden roar of noise. He laughed nervously and shot Nick a desperate look, already regretting his decision to come. 

A man emerged onto the stage, a monster. An old tortoise man in a sharp white suit and silver tie. 

“The word is yes! Yes. Yes! Yes!” Sans smirked and leaned over to Nick. 

“That's what she said,” he teased and Nick rolled his eyes as he stifled his snicker, punching Sans lightly on the shoulder. 

“What are you, twelve? Pay attention.” 

“Say it a million times. Say it a million more times. And the word you will have said two million times is…” This time Sans was expecting it and waved his hand with annoyed amusement as the crowd screamed YES once more. There was an uproar of cheer and staggering emotion that swept through the ballroom. Sans didn’t know what to think of it. There was such a mixture of being freaked out and being very interested in what was about to occur that he merely just sat there in stunned, awkward silence while the crowd lost their fucking minds. 

Finally, everyone had the decency to shut up and let the old tortoise talk. Sans let out a breath and leaned back in his seat. He hadn’t even realized he was on the edge of it. 

“I want you to invite yes into your life… because when you say yes to things, you will embrace the possible.” Sans’s eyes wandered the stadium. Psh, what a bunch of horse shit. 

“You gobble up all of life’s energies… and excrete the waste.” Sans furrowed his brow with puzzled disgust at the wording and shot a wary look at Nick. What the fuck did he drag me to? 

“I would like to welcome our newcomers… Who among us is new?” asked the turtle man, his eyes glittering in the spotlight. Nick jumped up and pointed directly at Sans with giddy excitement. 

“He is! This guy right here!” Sans’s soul dropped to the floor, his eyelights snuffing out and leaving his sockets black as the abyss. He shot Nick a poisonous warning glare. The entirety of the ballroom seemed to turn and lock their eyes onto him. 

“Haha… I’m gonna kill you...” he growled under his breath as he shot a sheepish, nervous grin at everyone. His threat didn’t phase Nick, who continued despite Sans’s embarrassment, to point him out to everyone. 

“Come on up, future Yes Man!” beckoned the tortoise. Sans grimaced and shook his head, he was flooded with humiliation. He really was going to murder Nick Creamer. No doubts about it. He was already planning where to dismember and bury his body. 

“Uh… No thanks I’m just… auditing?” he called back. The crowd vocally cringed at him, some laughing and shaking their heads like they knew exactly what was about to happen. He couldn’t believe his luck, or rather lack of luck. 

“You can’t audit life my friend, now get on up here!” Sans seethed through his teeth and gave the fucker a dismissive wave of his hand. 

“Nah… No thanks, I'm good.” Let it go old man. 

“I’m sorry, what was that you just said?” he asked. Sans gritted his teeth and shot Nick a withering glare. Nick merely smirked smugly at him, sealing his fate. He glanced back up at the dumb ass turtle and shook his head stubbornly. 

“Uh… I’m good?” he grunted. We could play this game all night. It was clear though that Gerson wasn’t going to let this go. 

“Before that.” Asshole. Fuck you Nick. You’re dead. You’re so dead. You’re already dead. The crowd all looked at him expectantly. He wanted to wipe their smug little grins off their faces. This was awful. This was worse than the entirety of middle school. 

“Thank you…?” he said again. A few people rolled their eyes at him and he growled. Gerson shook his head and held up his hand as if trying to reach something intangible. This guy ain’t gonna let up. 

“Back up just a little bit more…” Sans glared at him and ran his tongue along the edges of his fangs. Nick nudged him and he punched him in the shoulder hard. Nick winced and held his aching arm. Sans grunted, sinking under the pressure. 

“...No—” 

“—No man! No Man, No Man, NO MAN!” Sans shrunk into himself as the crowd yelled at him, wagging their fingers as they shamed him and only him. 

“Ok! If the molehill won’t come to Gerson… Gerson will come to the molehill!” he exclaimed. Sans’s eyes widened as the old man took off in a sprint down the aisle right for him. His eye flared with shock as he stumbled back in his seat, Nick holding him in place. The only reason he hadn’t used his magic was for all the humans’ sakes. 

Gerson stole a chair and turned it to face him, sitting down as a crew member handed him a microphone. Sans gulped. 

“What’s your name?” He shoved the microphone into Sans’s face and he let out an annoyed grumble. No getting out of this now. 

“Sans.” 

“Let me guess Sans, someone talked you into coming here today didn’t they?” Sans rolled his head to look at Nick and he sighed. Yep it definitely looked like he’d have to do this. Fuuuuuuck! 

“...Yes.” Everyone shouted YES at the top of their lungs and Sans rolled his eyes. 

“And you’re not… sure about this are you?” Sans narrowed his eyes at Gerson as he weighed the options of his answer. It was just a yes or no question. He inwardly groaned. This sucked. 

“No,” he grunted. Again, the audience shouted no man over and over, none more passionately than Nick, who was only digging himself into a deeper hole than he was already in. Sans shook his head with irritated bafflement at his predicament. He really should’ve stayed home. Gerson shrugged. 

“You’re dead Sans,” he said bluntly, with a nonchalant shake of his head, “you say no to life and therefore you are not living.” 

Sans’s skull grin faltered at the words. 

“You make up excuses to the people around you, and to yourself. You’re trapped in the same dead end job you’ve been stuck in for years. You don’t have a significant other. You don’t have anything close to a significant other, and you lost the love of your life because they couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t live theirs…” Sans’s brow furrowed as he read him like a newspaper. ...Hittin’ a lil’ too close to home their bucko. 

“And most nights you’re so bored and filled with ornery that… you can’t even summon up the enthusiasm necessary to masterbate.” Sans choked at the statement. He was right. Jesus I’m depressing. 

“Am I right, Sans?” He shoved the microphone right against his skeletal nose and Sans avoided looking into his dark, glittering… piercing, green eyes. He had just read the contents of his soul… In front of everyone! 

“Um… you uh, I mean I guess you could say I’m sans enthusiasm,” he murmured the shitty pun, trying as hard as possible to not let the microphone pick up the rumble of his voice, or allow the audience to hear his meager confession. Gerson gave a soft smirk. He glanced up as the old turtle pulled himself closer. Way too much closer. Sans scaled his chair to somehow escape him as he came right up to his nose. 

“We’re gonna make a covenant Sans… do you want to make a covenant?” he whispered into the mic. Sans’s breath shook as he glanced down at the floor. 

“Come on Sans!” shouted some random guy in the crowd. Sans grimaced and groaned softly as he tried to battle his thoughts.

“Uh—” Sans flinched as Gerson hit his head with the mic, the auditorium filling with feedback at the move. 

“—The answer is yes, Sans.” The crowd screamed Yes. 

“Yes!” he croaked. Nick screamed yes with fierce passion into Sans’s ear and Sans curled away from him. 

“Yes!” This time with a bit more conviction. Nick was right. He… maybe he did need this. Gerson had been right about everything. He really was a sorry sack of shit. Would it really kill him to spice up his life like this? 

The crowd screamed yes again and Sans let escape a soft whisper, pleading and desperate, partly for this whole ordeal to be over, but… mostly a sincere want to change. 

Gerson’s piercing eyes locked onto his, his face solemn and sober. 

“Once you leave this building… every time an opportunity presents itself…no matter what it is… you will say yes.” Another round of yes’s filled the hall, and this time Sans found himself embracing it. Afterwards he gave Gerson a nervous grimace and nodded. 

“And what if I say, heh… the other word?” he asked, not willing to risk the chance of saying no and being yelled at again. Gerson narrowed his eyes at him. 

“You’ll be breaking a promise to yourself… and when you break a promise to yourself… things can get a little dicey. What do you say, Sans… want to make that covenant?” God yes, if this is what it takes to make Papyrus… or, fuck, if this is what it takes to get out of my funk then… 

“Yes.” YES! 

“Yes!” YES! Gerson grabbed him by the face and dragged him out of his seat with such vigor, Sans gave a growl of surprise. 

“MAKE ME BELIEVE IT!” he snarled as he shook Sans. 

“Yes! Yes! YES!” he cried desperately, Gerson throwing him back down in Nick’s arms. Sans was shaking from the entire experience. What. The. Fuck… just happened to me? 

Gerson turned back towards the stage and made his way through the crowd. He rose his fists into the air with a triumphant gleam in his eyes. 

“YES!” he cheered, the audience practically screaming their inspired praise. Sans breathed shakily as he tried to regain his composure. A laugh escaped him as Nick pushed him back into his own seat. Slowly Sans began to clap. Guess you could say I’m a little shell shocked. 

⁂ 

“Hey! There he is!” Sans glanced up at one of the men from the auditorium as he and Nick walked through the parking lot. The man’s wife smiled brightly at him. 

“That was wonderful, so inspiring,” she said sweetly as they climbed into their car. Sans grinned and saluted them lazily. Nick chuckled as they came to his little blue car. 

“So… you gonna do it?” he asked. Sans hummed in thought and shrugged. 

“I… I don’t know. Maybe,” he said with a coy grin. Nick scrunched his nose at the answer and chuckled. 

“That’s weird, I didn’t realize we stepped out of a maybe seminar,” he teased. Sans snickered and rolled his eyes as he turned away, coming face to face with an old homeless monster, his head cloaked with a black hood, nothing but bright white eyes peering back at him. 

“You… are a reaper, tralala… yes?” asked the homeless monster. Sans swallowed and raised his brows, looking down at his skeletal hands. 

“Uh, tch, yes,” he grunted. The hobo gave a small squeak of delight. 

“Do you think you could use those fancy powers of yours, tralala, and take me to Ebbot City park?” he asked. Sans hummed his displeasure at the request and began to shake his head. He hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep last night, in fact, only around three hours and the closest thing he’d had to a meal all day was a hotdog from a street vendor. He only had enough energy really to get himself home and make a measly ramen noodle dinner for himself. Jesus Christ, I really am pathetic. 

“Uh… liste—”

“—YEEESSSSS!” shouted Nick as he came sprinting to Sans’s side. Sans winced at the reminder of the stupid covenant. 

“Sure he can! Right Sans?” asked Nick with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. Sans laughed wryly at him. Nick, do you want me to kill you? You have to say yes. He thought bitterly. He inwardly groaned and turned back to the homeless man. With a long sigh of resolve he shook his head yes. 

“Uh, yeah. Sure. Why not?” he grumbled. Nick giggled gleefully, and the homeless monster shot him a puzzled look. 

“Yes! You won’t regret this Sans!” Sans shot him a warning glare and chuckled bitterly as the hobo held out his dirty hand for him to take. Sans grimaced as he debated on taking his hand, the two dancing around each other awkwardly before Sans grabbed sternly onto his shoulder. 

“Alright just… Ebbot City park right?” he asked. The man nodded and he sighed as smoke poured out of his sockets. He longed for the days people were scared shitless of reapers. They were all getting so comfy. 

“Have fun!” called Nick as he walked back to his car. Sans shook his head as the red smoke surrounded them. 

“Fuck off.” 

⁂ 

The mist dissipated to reveal the gate leading into the park, big rod iron letters spelling Ebbot City Park. Sans grunted and turned away before the hobo cleared his throat and pointed inside. 

“I need to go a little further in, tralala. It’s in the hiking range near the water, if you don’t mind tralala,” he said. Sans froze and glanced back at the hobo. He stifled his annoyed growl and plastered on the fakest smile he could. 

“Of course… silly me.” Because nothing could be easy. He sighed as he clasped his hand onto the monster’s shoulders and shrouded them in red mist again. The hiking range was way deep in the park. He prayed to whatever dumbass god was listening to allow him to have the energy necessary to get him home. 

When they arrived at the riverside, dark water lapping up at the shore, the hobo searched the water. A tired sigh exploded from Sans’s jaw and he shot the hobo a disgruntled look. 

“Got any more requests or can I just leave ya here cause it doesn’t really matter… tralala…?” he grumbled. The hobo hummed his disapproval and glanced back at him with a sheepish sparkle in his bright, white eyes. 

“I’m sorry man, but… it’s on the other side of the river, tralala” He said. Sans stared at him. Fuck you Nick, fuck you Nick, fuck you Nick. He mustered up enough decency to give the homeless monster a gracious smile and snatched his arm. 

“Fine by me,” he growled as once again, his smoke surrounded them. 

He stumbled and leaned against a tree as he took them to the other side of the river. There was a small encampment with a little canoe pulled up on the river bank. The hobo clapped his hands cheerfully before slowly turning to Sans. 

“Thanks man for doing this, you know a lot of people would’ve just said no, tralala… although I have been getting a lot of luck lately outside of that hotel,” he said. Sans chuckled wrly and shook his head.

 “Hey man it’s… it’s no problem,” he grunted as he wiped his hand on his jeans. 

“Um… you wouldn’t mind if… do you think you could spare a couple bucks, tralala?” he asked. Sans’s eye socket twitched before he chuckled aridly and yanked out his wallet. 

“You know what? I’ve come this far,” he hissed as he leafed through some of his on hand cash. “Yes you can… tralala,” he said with a gracious smile. 

The hobo glanced at his stack of cash and chuckled, shaking his head and pointing to it. 

“You’ve got a whole lot there, tralala, can I have it all?” he joked. Sans’s eyes snuffed out, abyssal black holes filled with rage. These assholes keep testing me. The riverman hobo let out a jolly laugh and Sans laughed mockingly along before holding out the whole stack.

“Sure,” he hissed as he held out the stack of cash. The hobo laughed nervously, his eyes widening at the generous gesture. He hesitantly reached for it and clasped it in his hand. For a second, they both pulled on the money, Sans’s grip a cold dead grip on his hard earned money. However, the hobo eventually won that game of tug-o-war. 

He held up the bundle to him as Sans glared across at him. 

“Angel bless you, tralala,” he breathed with genuine gratitude. Sans waved him off as the hobo got into his canoe and pulled a raggedy blanket over his head. He scoffed and walked along the river path as he tried to summon his magic. A curl of red mist fluttered around him, but he was exhausted and he had reached a depletion in magic. He panted and leaned against a tree trunk. 

“Come on man!” he snarled. He tried again only for his eye to flare like a sputtering candle and he stumbled back. He gritted his teeth and growled low under his breath. 

“Great” he spat. He dug through his pockets for his phone. He’d have to call an Uber or something once he made it out of the park. A reaper in an Uber. What was the world coming to? 

As he glanced down his eyes widened when he realized his battery was at one percent. He had forgotten to charge it before he left, banking on just charging it at the seminar.  

“Oh no, no, no!” he gasped, just as it decided to shut down. His fists clenched and he rummaged through his jacket pockets. Yes, he had his charger, thank God. Ok then… new plan… walk to a gas station, charge my phone, get somethin’ to eat and call an Uber. He would’ve called Papyrus, but where they stood right now… he knew his brother would rather not deal with him. He was on his own. 

“Heh… perfect.” 

⁂

“Hey Sans, do you wanna give away all your cash to a homeless guy? Why yes. Yes I do,” he growled to himself as he marched over the empty bridge across the river. He couldn’t fucking believe he was in this situation. 

“How about expending all the rest of your energy teleporting him around a six hundred acre park? You know what? That sounds like a fucking great idea!” he shouted into the indifferent night. 

Assholes. All of them. Weird culty assholes. How could anything good ever come out of this? He’d probably get jumped, and with no magic to defend himself… Ugh! He read the directions to get out of the hiking trail and sighed as he found himself running along a thin dirt path. Fuck this Park. Fuck that homeless guy. Fuck Nick. Fuck the covenant! 

“Let’s just take a late night stroll through the hills and get killed by a murder cult! Don’t mind if I do!” 

It took hours. Literal hours. He was winded… and sweaty and exhausted! His legs felt like jelly by the time he was practically crawling up to the closest gas station. He threw the door open, eyes black as a starless night as he locked the cashier in his gaze. He held up his phone as he caught his breath and bared his fangs. 

“Charging port. Where is it?” he snarled. The tired teenager squeaked with fear, that’s more like it, and pointed outside. He groaned and stomped back out to find the port. As he bent down to plug his charger in, the rev of an engine filled the air. 

A vespa pulled into the gas station and parked at the front near the building. He glanced up as the rider slid off of their ride and spared him a curious look while they took off their helmet. It was a rather stupid sight. A large skeleton monster hunched over a little outlet with his stupid little cell phone. Might as well join the circus while he was at it.  

To make matters worse, they were a human woman. A rather cute one at that and he looked like a fucking idiot. 

They smiled awkwardly at each other and she stepped inside. He gave a small sigh and turned back to his phone to check if it was charging. Now with one percent battery life and still charging, he gave a small breath of relief and tried to force it to turn on. He shook his head as frustration flooded him. He couldn’t believe this. 

“Do you wanna call an uber for the first time in your stupid ass life and sit in some smelly guy’s car as he forces you to talk to him about your fucking day while Nickleback plays just a little too loud? Oh could I? Could I really?—” He froze when the flash of a camera lit his vision and he jerked up. 

The woman looked down at her cute polaroid camera as it printed the picture she had just taken. People still used those? She giggled quietly to herself and glanced back up at him with a coy smirk. 

“That’s a good look,” she said as she waved the picture in the air. He narrowed his eyes as he studied her. She was small… short brown hair that framed her round, bronzen face and… her eyes were big and brown. Ugh, just my luck that I would look like a complete dumbass in front of such a pretty girl! 

“Did you just… take my picture?” he asked, pointing to the photo in her hand. Her smirk widened and she bit her lip as she unscrewed a water bottle. He watched as she took a sip before turning her attention back to him with a sigh. 

“Maybe… Did you run out of battery?” she asked. He chuckled wrly and glanced down at his phone. He glanced back up at her through narrowed eyes, running his tongue along the top of his fangs. 

“Maybe…” he murmured. She grinned and shook her head. 

“That sucks. That happened to me last week,” she said as she grinned down at the picture before pocketing it. He rolled his eyes to the heavens. 

“Was it because you forgot to charge it and then had to keep teleporting a homeless guy all around a park because no matter where you took him it just didn’t feel enough like home… which depleted all your magic and left you stranded with an empty battery so you couldn’t call a driver?” he asked. She snorted with laughter and leaned against the wall, head tilted with tender curiosity. 

“Um… no… but I take it that… that’s what happened to you?” she asked with a giggle. His grin widened and he shrugged innocently. 

“Nope. What would make you assume that?” They laughed quietly as he looked down at his phone. Four percent. He glanced back up at her as she continued to drink her water. Why was someone like her talking to someone like him? Not that he was complaining… after all she was super cute. 

“He kept making you teleport him around a park?” she asked. Sans grunted and nodded at the ridiculous truth. 

“Yeah, uh, apparently he was the most demanding homeless man on the planet. Wasn’t letting anyone walk all over him. He was keeping his sense of dignity… It was good to see,” he said with a teasing grin. She laughed with him, her nose wrinkling sweetly as she tried to understand his current predicament. He chuckled along and held open his arms with a welcoming grin. “I’m just glad to be a part of it really…” 

Her smile grew on her face. “Yeah that must feel good,” she said with a firm nod. 

They shared a lingering gaze before he cleared his throat and turned back to his phone. “Truly, yeah… oh and I’m getting some exercise… which is cool,” he mumbled as he glared at the Uber app in the app store. Was he really gonna have to download this and make an account and everything? Tonight was gonna be a long night… 

“Well… do you need a ride?” she asked, gesturing to her scooter. Is she for real? He looked over her shoulder at the little vespa and swallowed his nerves. Would he even fit on that?

“Uh… on that thing?” He asked nervously. She quirked a perfect brow at him as she sauntered back to her scooter and handed him her helmet. No fucking way. Well… Yes is the only option you have… 

⁂

They sped through the street, weaving in and out of traffic, Sans’s arms awkwardly wrapped around her slender waist. The rev of the vespa engine and the slap of wind in his face was exhilarating. This was probably the first time in a long time he had felt like he was alive… and maybe that was because at any moment they could go flying to their certain death. 

“Am I going too fast for you, faucheuse drôle?” she shouted over the wind. He laughed nervously and leaned his chin over her shoulder. 

“Nah, in fact I think you should go faster… that way if we crash at least I’ll die.” She barked with laughter at his quips and he chuckled along. “I just don’t want to be kept alive artificially, ya know?” They laughed together as they drove. 

She turned into a street with a little less traffic and slowly raised her polaroid into the air. His grin faltered as she straightened and smiled into the camera lens. 

“Wait, what are you doing?” She laughed cheerfully and leaned against him. 

“I’m taking our picture! Sourire!” she said as the camera flashed. He groaned as the flash cut through his vision. 

“Oh God, are you trynna blind me? Can’t see shit,” he said, but he couldn’t help but chuckle. She gave an easy laugh and shook her hair in the wind. 

“Me neither! Isn’t it great!?” she exclaimed as she swerved through traffic and down another road as he shouted in terror. Is she crazy!? Yeah, he was definitely not a vehicle kind of guy. 

When he realized that, yes, they were still alive, he allowed himself to grin and hug her a little tighter. This was… kind of fun. She was really fun! He was having such a great time! To think all it took was an awful trip through the park. 

They laughed together as she drove the rest of the way to his apartment complex. 

They stopped a little ways down the street and the woman dismounted, kicking her stand out to lean the scooter on. He stalled as he glanced up at the building, then back at her. She glanced at him as she ran a hand through her short, windswept hair. They stood in silence, studying each other with gentle curiosity. 

He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his skull. “So uh… thanks for uh, doin’ that. Ya didn’t have to really,” he said as he tried to avoid her gaze. She smiled sweetly at him and began to walk, Sans stupidly following behind her to his own apartment complex. 

“No problem, maybe the color will return to your face sometime… or not, considering you’re a skeleton.” He laughed at her joke and nodded along. 

“Well I hope you feel powerful because you’re the only person who’s made me scream like a little baby,” he said with a bashful grin. She scoffed with teasing laughter and winked at him. She was so pretty… How had he gotten this lucky? 

“Je le porterai comme un badge d'honneur… Can I have my helmet back now?” she asked as she pointed at his skull. He glanced up and chuckled with quiet embarrassment. He pointed at it and grinned. 

“I’m still wearing it, aren’t I,” he murmured. She gave a sleepy laugh and nodded. He sighed in mock sorrow as he took it off and handed it back to her. As she reached for it, he lifted his hand out of her reach and she whined playfully. He laughed and tossed it to her, her fumbling it a bit before pulling it to her chest. They giggled together. 

As they came to the gate to the complex she faltered and shoved her hands in her coat pockets. She swayed on her heels and smiled. 

“So… are you gonna be ok?” she asked. He grinned and leaned against the gate as he eyed her. Well now that I’ve met you…may the angel bless me indeed. 

“Yeah! Yeah I’m great… unless you wanna stick around and makeout,” he murmured under his breath. Her big, brown eyes perked up at the words and he inwardly kicked himself. No I did not just say that out loud. I don’t even know her name! 

“What?” she asked, eyes wide. Oh shit, I totally fucked that. Stupid, idiot, asshole! 

“Wha- What did you say?” he stammered. She narrowed her eyes and advanced on him with aggressive finality. He held up his hands as he feared maybe pepper spray, or a taser if she was one of those girls. 

“Hey listen, I wasn’t bein—” She grabbed his jacket and pulled him down, pressing her lips to his fangs in a forceful kiss. He froze up. That had been the last thing he had been expecting. She pulled away… too soon… and stared up at him. A shocked silence fell over both of them. 

“... Have a good night,” she said as she gave him a firm pat on the chest. His eyes followed her as she sauntered back to her vespa. She swung her leg over and revved the little engine before taking off down the street. He watched her go and looked down at his chest, where his hands were clutching a… a photograph. His grin softened. The two of them on her scooter. He actually looked happy… 

He glanced back down the street where she had driven off and smiled to himself, tucking the photo into his jacket pocket. 

“Yes…” he murmured thoughtfully, a skip in his step as he made his way back to his room. Yes always leads to something good… Thank you Nick.   

[purplesurveys]

1213

Have you ever been in weather below 0 Fahrenheit (-17 Celsius)? Nah. The coldest I’ve experienced was probably something like 10 or 11ºC, when I was in Japan. At the time I still didn’t care too much for traveling and ended up being really underdressed for the weather, so I was extremely uncomfortable the whole time we were roaming around the city. Have you ever been caught outdoors away from shelter during a thunderstorm? LOL yes, notably on the last night of my college internship. My car was parked in another building so I had to walk outdoors, when all of a sudden it fucking poured. I ran to the nearest building for shelter but I was still absolutely drenched and ended up having to call my mom (who works in the same city) to ask her to come pick me up.

What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Chocnut or milk chocolate.

How often do you have friends over to your house? Once in a blue moon. I had my ex over all the time but since then I’ve only had one friend - Angela - come over once.

Have you ever had a boss who acted unprofessionally? I mean, we’re very open with each other with regard to our frustrations at work.  That could technically count as unprofessional but I’m honestly just glad we don’t have to be fake around one another and pretend like everything’s dandy.

How many times have you stayed at a hotel in the past year, and where? Just once, for my dad’s birthday. We stayed in Tagaytay for a weekend though we Airbnb’d a condo unit and not a hotel.

Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Nah. I could try but I’m too afraid of not being able to support myself and accidentally breaking my neck or something.

What about a flip off of a diving board? Nope.

Are you embarrassed by your school yearbook photos? No. I barely look at them and I’m sure people barely look at yearbooks too.

Who taught you to tie your shoelaces? My grandma.

Currently how many pictures are on your cellphone? 8,067. There used to be around 10,000 but I had a ‘huge’ deleting spree that brought it down to around 6,000 – but clearly I’ve brought it back up again lol.

Do you think dimples are cute? Yes, super.

Would you rather chew fruity or minty gum? It’s whatever. They all lost their taste anyway.

The last time you went to the mall, who did you go with? Just me. That’s usually the case nowadays.

What’s something you used to collect when you were younger? Pogs.

Have you watched a movie today? I haven’t watched a movie since like September.

Aside from your own, whose house did you last set foot into? Angela’s, but it was super brief as I only went in to greet her parents.

Do you love soft pretzels? Yep, that’s how I prefer my pretzels as well.

Who was the last person who cried around you? Why did they start crying? Was it unexpected? I really have no clue. I haven’t been around too many people in such a long time, much less people who’ve cried in front of me. I want to say maybe Gabie???? during one of our last meet-ups. The name feels so foreign now.

Are you more likely to like someone before you really know them, or do you feel you like them more after you know a lot about them? After.

Do you buy people cards on special occasions, or do you prefer to make your own? Giving people cards isn’t much of a tradition here. We’d much rather get you a physical gift altogether.

When was the last time you were being hypocritical? I probably do it without realizing, so I can’t say exactly when.

Where on your body was the last cramp you had? Why did you have this cramp? Fortunately I haven’t had one in a while but I usually get cramps on my neck and shoulders after a whole day at work.

What is the weirdest name you’ve ever heard? My sister went to school with this girl whose name was her surname in reverse.

Do you get embarrassed when people hear you sing/compliment you on your singing ability? If so, why is that? Yeah. I’m not confident in my singing, so I never sing around people and it would embarrass me if I was ever caught/heard.

Are you good at comforting people when they’re upset? I try to be. It works for some people.

Do you have any exercises you do everyday? Nah.

Do you own one of those singing fish? Do you think they are silly or funny? I don’t know what this is referring to.

Has anyone ever accused you of being bipolar or any other mental disorder? Do you really have any mental disorders? No one has accused me; at least not to my face. As for the second question, I’m sure I have one or two; I’ve just never gotten myself professionally checked.

Did you buy the last thing you bought with your own money? If not, whose money did you buy it with? Yabu because I was craving; paid with my own money. It actually feels pretty weird because Yabu had been mine and my ex’s thing, and I haven’t had their food since the breakup. I’m looking forward to having it again tonight and finally changing the narrative for it.

Do you like to put your feet up on the dashboards of cars? Do you parents yell at you if you do that in cars? I don’t like to do it but I’ll sometimes do it if I wanna feel relaxed. No, it wouldn’t bother them too much.

Which Beatle is your favorite, or do you love them all equally? I don’t listen to them.

Do you enjoy classic rock? If so, who are some of your favorite classic rock artists? Not really, but I have nothing against it.

Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? Yep.

Are you more of a dog or cat person? Dog.

Have you ever failed math? Just the advanced courses, like calculus, back in high school. I find math pretty fun and easy if I get the topic and know the formulas; but if I find something hard, it’s very difficult for me to keep up. There’s really no in between haha I either pass with flying colors or absolutely flop.

Skittles! What's your favorite color? Whichever’s not too sour. Idk, I never buy Skittles.

Have you ever had a dream of stabbing someone? Nope but I used to have nightmares of watching my loved ones get shot.

What would you want your last words to be if you could choose them? That I had fun.

Can you sleep with the light on? Only if I’m pissed tired. Otherwise bright lights would bother me.

What’s the most bizarre horror movie you’ve ever seen? I know my answer won’t count as it doesn’t technically fall under horror, but Eraserhead was just very bizarre and unsettling. I’ve never seen the whole film without pausing several times.

What band can’t you stand listening to? Again, this probably won’t count as they’re a boy band/group more than anything, but I cannot stand The Vamps.

Would you ever take a lie detector test for your significant other? Yeah, sure, I guess, for fun. I think those are mostly bullshit anyway so I’ll only take a test with bullshit questions as well.

What is your favorite Mystery/Crime/FBI related show? Those genres never really were my cup of tea.

Would you ever have a bird as a pet? We had two lovebirds some years ago. They were lovely, but idk if we’d do it again. No reason, just that we prefer dogs.

How's your relationship between you and your grandparents? It’s great, even with my maternal grandpa who’s already passed. But I’m well aware of the fact that they’re also a bit wary of me since I’m the most vocal and outspoken of all their grandchildren, whereas they’re intensely conservative and traditional. Still, I always feel their love, especially through food and how they always make sure to stuff me whenever I come over haha.

Ever had a forbidden love or lover? In a sense, yeah. I was in a same-sex relationship that I hid from my family for four years.

Have you ever had to speak at a funeral?  I’ve never been to a funeral but I doubt I could speak at one without breaking down.

Do you know someone who’s been cremated?  Yes, my grandpa was cremated.

What is your current problem?  Just some deliverables at work that I would rather not think about now.

Do you like canopy beds?  Eh, I don’t mind them.

What is your favorite animated movie?  Toy Story.

Would you rather live in a small town or a big city?  Big city. I need lots of noise, lots of activity and lights where I live. I’ve lived in suburban neighborhoods all my life and I would love a change in pace.

If you could summon any animal to come to your rescue, what animal would it be and why?  Idk.

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls?  I’ve watched snippets and it’s HILARIOUS. I’ve always wanted to start the series but never knew where to watch it.

Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? Was never into it, no.

Last alcoholic drink you had?  Peach soju and plum soju that got me absolutely hammered.

What are you known for?  These days, probably for doing an extreme 180 and having my life be all about BTS now.

Has anyone ever threatened you?  Yes.

Have you ever gone frog hunting?  No? Doesn’t sound like my type of activity at all.

Do you ever suffer from dry skin?  Yeah my face is a little dry, but I don’t think it’s something I ‘suffer’ from since no issues have come out of it so far. It’s just the way it is.

Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal?  Not a stuffed animal but I need to hug a pillow to fall asleep.

What’s the weather like right this moment?  It’s weather that says “it’s gonna get really hot in an hour or so” and I’m not enjoying that very much.

Do you bite on straws, lollipop handles, or ice cream sticks?  If there’s no trash can around, I tend to.

In what type of area was your first sexual encounter?  It was in a hotel.

Where is your mother’s side of the family descended from?  Just somewhere in the Philippines.

What do you occupy your time with on flights?  I’m honestly really happy with just staring out the window. If not that, I bring something to read or listen to music. I haven’t had a flight that lasted 6+ hours, but I imagine I would also bring my laptop for a series or movies to watch if I find myself in that situation.

Do you dog-ear pages in books?  Yup.

What’s a made up word of yours?  I don’t think I have any.

Do you use Q-Tips?  I do.

Ever gone out with somebody you didn’t like?  No. I don’t think I could bring myself to do that.

What hero or heroine do you most relate to in history, fiction, or song?  I don’t really like content with a hero/ine plot.

What makes you dizzy?  Amusement park rides, car rides, headaches.

Are your parents liberal or conservative?  Conservative.

Do you like your teeth? Did you have braces?  Not my middle teeth, but in general yeah. I did have braces but I lost my retainers at one point so my teeth just went back to their original position eventually.

Are you happy with your height?  It’s fine. I’m small but it’s the average here so I don’t really complain.