#but if you can get to the End of season 1 and NOT love brian….

[tedious-waffle]

I truly genuinely wonder how some people would react to watching the original US Queer As Folk. Cause like. No offense but jesus yall have nottttt seen queer tv if bucktommy has got you in this much of a tizzy.

Talk about age gaps/differences in experience lmao. Also i think the non-monogamy but lasting (and yes messy) commitment of justin and brian would make some peoples heads explode.

[ladykailitha]

Can Anybody See Me? Part 21

Executive dysfunction is a bitch and can go to hell. I had something I could have posted yesterday while I was working on this, but no...

I am starting to wonder if maybe I shot myself in the foot with my tag rant as engagement for the last Reconnect AU was WAY down. But oh well. I can only continue to move on and hope I find new people who like my stuff.

All righty, my lovelies. We have gotten to the part where I was going to end it originally before you absolute menaces said you wanted me to continue it through season 4.

But here’s the deal, this story has reached nearly novel length of 40k. So what I’ve decided to do is call this the end of book one. And then I will start up book two, which will be through to the end of the school year and probably through the events of season 3. And then book 3 should take us the rest of the way.

I hope that’s acceptable to all of you. I want to continue it, but I think from here on out the title doesn’t fit Steve anymore and he needs a new one.

Now if you’ve followed me long enough, you know that I don’t start putting out a story until it’s done (if it’s short enough) or if I’m three to four chapters deep. So hopefully by the end of the month (if not sooner) you should start seeing book two.

I will run a poll on how you think I should do the tag list for it. But thank you all for coming with me on this absolutely wild ride. And hope you’ll stick around for the next two parts.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

***

Word had been handed down, Mindy Jones, Ollie Anderson, and Kyle Carver had been suspended with word that Kyle being the instigator might be expelled. For sure he wasn’t going to be able to walk in his cap and gown at graduation.

Steve felt a sense of relief and strangely justice too. Yes, all right suspension wasn’t getting expelled, but the kids had been punished. They didn’t try to hand wave it away.

Steve had heard that Mr Vinke, the math teacher, Mr Cole, Miss Lucy, and Chief Hopper had all gone to the principal and superintendent for all three of them to be expelled.

The suspension was a given, but the school district wanted to do their own investigation and then expulsions might be handed out after it was complete.

Steve didn’t have much hope.

Marty, Gethin, and Janice all sat with the Corroded Coffin boys at lunch, something they didn’t normally do.

“Fuck,” Janice swore. “Why I am more nervous about tonight than I have all week?”

Steve nodded, poking at his food. “I haven’t been this queasy since I took a plate to the head.”

Everyone winced and murmured sympathetic platitudes and other noises of sympathy.

“I think it’s because it’s your last performance,” Gethin murmured. “Your last chance to completely biff it on stage.” Steve and Janice looked at him in wide-eyed fear. He waved his hands placatingly. “Not that I think you will. Just that your brain thinks you will.”

Steve and Janice looked at each other and then nodded.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “That tracks.”

Eddie slid his hand under the table and gripped Steve’s knee. Steve covered his hand with his own and gave it a squeeze of thank you.

*

Steve scanned the crowd the second night. He spotted Jeff and all his family, Gareth and Gethin and their parents, Brian and all of his younger siblings, and what looked like his dad. Wayne shuffled in his seat nervously, having never been to a musical before. But still no sign of his parents.

His mom promised that at least she would be there, even if his dad refused to come. And he held on to that. He managed to make it through the show and held it together.

He went out to be congratulated by his friends and their families. Wayne brought him flowers.

“You did good, boy,” he said gruffly, after giving him a hug. “I looked it up and flowers are the gift you give someone after a well-done performance.”

Steve looked down at the bouquet of wild flowers and smiled. “Thank you. I love them.”

Jeff clapped him on the shoulder. “They might be a tad wilted by the time we’re done, because we’re taking you out to eat in celebration.”

Steve teared up a bit. “Thanks, guys.”

Gareth smiled. “You deserve it, man. That was awesome!”

Gethin nudged his shoulder. “We’re just waiting for Janice and Eddie to get done.”

Steve nodded. Eddie had to reset the stage for tomorrow and Janice had to get out of a corset and that took some time.

“Yeah, no problem!” he enthused.

Eddie finished first and came out to meet them.

“Hey, Steve!” he said. “Feeling famous yet?”

Steve laughed. “I’m going to get fat if this keeps up. First ice cream last night and then dinner tonight.”

They all laughed. “It’s impossible for you to gain weight, man,” Brian huffed. “I’ve seen you eat a whole pizza and didn’t even get bloated.”

Steve laughed. “Playing three sports does that to you. Hell, I still life guard at the rec center every summer.”

Brian eyed his lean form skeptically. “I suppose so.”

“Swimming’s fun,” Steve said. “And it’s not just for us jock types.”

Janice finally came out. “Sorry to keep you waiting guys. Sharing with Tammy Thompson is hell let me tell you. I don’t know how someone so tiny can take up so much room.”

“At least you don’t have to share the choir room with twenty sweaty dudes that wouldn’t know deodorant if it bit them in the ass,” Steve grumped.

Gethin shook his head. “Shouldn’t you be used to that from sports?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “At least there are showers after basketball. Can’t say the same here.”

Gethin’s lips curled. “Fair.”

Wayne clapped his hands. “All right, I’ve got us a place reserved, so we need to hustle. Eddie and Steve are coming with me.”

Eddie and Steve filed out with the rest of them and followed Wayne out to his truck.

Steve slid into the middle between Eddie and Wayne.

“Thanks for this, Wayne,” he murmured. “And the flowers, too.”

“You’re welcome, Stevie,” he said. “I didn’t see your parents. Did they show up last night?”

Steve shared a glance with Eddie and then shook his head. “There’s still tomorrow.”

Wayne and Eddie shared a glance of concern over Steve’s head.

“I’m sure that’s the case,” Wayne agreed.

An uneasy silence settled on them as they drove to the restaurant. Wayne parked and turned to Steve.

He pulled him in for a great big hug and then opened the door. “It’ll be all right.”

Steve nodded and slid out after Eddie.

The dinner was just as ruckus as the ice cream parlor the night before. With just as many people. Steve looked around and smiled.

Yeah, 1985 was his year and it was just getting started.

*

Steve looked out to the audience and knew, even in the dimmed lights his parents weren’t there.

“Tell me, Mr Thomson, out of curiosity, do you stand with Mr Dickinson, or do you stand with me?” Vince asked.

Steve could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. He held up the dispatch. “I stand with the General. Lately–I’ve had the oddest feeling that he’s been–writing to me…”

He slowly rose to his feet as he sang,

“I have been in expectation Of receiving a reply On the subject of my last fifteen dispatches. Is anybody there?”

His voice cracked with emotion as he stepped half out of the spotlight.

“Does anybody care? Does anybody care? Y’r humble & ob’d’t–”

The drum rolled and Steve looked up into the eagle’s nest where Eddie was doing the spotlight. A single tear ran down his cheek.

Steve looked down at the paper in his hand and then back up at Eddie. And then he exited the scene on cue.

Eddie swore he saw more tears in that moment then for ‘Mama Look Sharp’ that night.

But that performance of Steve’s brought out something in Vince in that moment. Vince’s John Adams bid Hancock good night, but then it changed. All the emotion and fear of not being seen or heard. The loneliness that Adams must have been feeling in that moment, borrowed from the loneliness of both Washington and Thomson.

“Is anybody there–”

Silence.

“Does anybody care–?”

Again, nothing.

“Does anybody see–what I see?”

And then Kenny came on and delivered the line with a sharpness that hadn’t been there before.

“Yes, Mr Adams, I do.” As if to banish all the fears and insecurities that John was having in that moment.

And Steve could almost hear it as though it was coming from Eddie. As if it was coming from his friends. The party. Wayne.

Yes, his parents weren’t there. They never were. And probably never were going to be. But that didn’t mean that no one was listening to Steve. That no one cared.

They all cared. Every last one of the dozens of people that showed up the last two nights. They cared. They brought their families. Brought flowers. Thought he was worthy of celebrating. Worth treating.

For the boy with the bat.

The boy that never knew what love really was until he looked up from a god damned garbage can into those warm and friendly brown eyes. A warm hand on his back and a gentle ‘Are you okay?’

In that moment, Steve’s life had become changed. Different. Better. All because a teacher took pity on Steve and chose Eddie Munson of all people to be Steve’s protector.

And he looked up at Eddie in the rafters and though he couldn’t see him, he knew that Eddie was looking back at him. Smiling back at him. Loving him for all his worth.

And if you had asked Steve what his worth was back in December he would have told you nothing. He wasn’t worth anything but being the baby-sitter. But now?

Now Steve was a baby-sitter, chauffeur, groupie, actor, chef, swimmer, friend, brother, and most importantly boyfriend. And maybe if he was really lucky, someone’s son.

***

Fin.

Fuck, rereading this to add back in the formatting made me cry. My apologies if it makes you cry too.

Tag List: @shrimply-a-menace @strangersteddierthings @throwbackthrowaway @novelnovella @cursedfoxteeth @babyblender @garden-of-gay @anaibis @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @swimmingbirdrunningrock @steve-the-hairrington @winterbuckwild @spectrum-spectre @matchingbatbites   @thing-a-ling @fandemonium-takes-its-toll @artiststarme @sundead  @nelotegreitic @gregre369 @butterflysandpeppermint @thedragonsaunt @kodaik97 @messrs-weasley @scarletzgo @deadlydodos @renaissan-vvitch @evix-syne666 @emly03 @justforthedead89 @ashwinmeird @huniibee @phantypurple @stevesbipanic @shucks-yuckyuck @lovelyscot @awkwardgravity1 @bookbinderbitch @reportinglivefromsoda @jinxjinn @chasinggeese @be-the-spark-bitch @kohlraedirectioner @cr0w-culture @xjessicafaithx @whimsicalwitchm @jaywhohasthegay @estrellami-1 @dangdirtydemons @howincrediblysapphicofyou @the-redthread

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls-Season 3, Episode 12. "Lorelai Out Of Water" Part 1

Ladies, we have more filler. I can't complain. This episode was so easy that I watched it twice.

Lorelai has offered her garage as rehearsal space to Hep Alien. But first! They have to clean out said garage, which they haven't attempted to enter in years. Then they debate whether or not Lorelai ever remembered to call the Garage Cleaner Uppers that one time a few years ago. Thrilling stuff! It's been a while since we've last had a sexually tense Luke vs Taylor showdown.

Meow!

Gilmore Girls is bought to you by our sponsors, Office Depot, Circuit City, and Blockbuster Video. Hold on. I'm getting word that Office Depot still exists. Really?

Nothing to see here folks, just Rory comparing her mother to a woman famous for having sex with rockstars...then insinuating that she should sleep with Zach. I'm sorry Rory, this MILF only has eyes for one teenage boy. One who is a lot less talented than Zach.

This is weird, but hoo boy, it's about to get weirder.

Well well well. Who would have ever thunk that the deeply repressed Christian girl has a submssion kink? Soggy Rygalski is her Daddy ordering her around and reminding her that her drumming is inadequate. Lane personally requested that Dave verbally berate her in front of the other band members in order to...distract them? The plan is that if they see Dave treating Lane like a kicked dog, they won't realize they're crushing on each other? That's kinda messed up? This presumes that Dave and Lane are both confident that Brian and Zach will see Dave treating her like crap and have no thoughts about it except "I guess they're not smooching." Although we've yet to see if this plan, once put in motion, actually works. Anyway. Sure Lane's Dom Daddy is a lispy geek in a patterned sweater, but SaltyGilmores does not judge. It’s always the quiet ones am I right?

Seems like they’ve found a creative way to get off while staying in God's good graces. Have fun you kids.

"Rory, this is all I have" Thanks to Rory I can cross off the "cockblocking" square from my End of Episode Bingo Card.

Rory tries to come to Lane’s defense, but since it was all just part of Lane and Soggy’s sex games it wasn’t actually necessary.

Oh, we know why.

From the messed up mind of AmyShermanPalladino.

"Yes Daddy"

SAME. Oh. She's talking about the place. The place with all the coffee. Alex's kids are named Hilary and Jeff, 6 and 9.

Once again, Lorelai is no Miss Cleo.

Of course she said yes. Alex is totally worth waking up at 5 am for. Back in The Hollow, Lane is chipping away at Mama to obtain permission to go to the prom and hatching another harebrained scheme to bring Soggy Rygalski into Mama's good graces, it involves a Korean wedding and Rory is invited apparently. Whatever.

Well well well. Look who took the place of Stars Hollow Beauty Supply's worst (dead) employee. No respect for the dead, huh. Not even a little shrine or memorial plaque or photocopy of her obituary displayed on the counter. Tragic. #Honk

Where did Lane get 40 bucks? At the Inn, Lorelai is speaking to Sookie regarding her Fishing Date Regrets.

He sounds dreamy. Tell me more.

And the Mid Season Temporary Love Interests just keep on comin! Now we just have to wait for Lindsay. Oh dear God. I just remembered Max comes back in this season too. And maybe even soon. Help. While Lorelai seems to have terrific chemistry with her new temporary Luke substitute (Alex), Luke's Lorelai substitutes (Rachel, Nicole) have always fallen flat and seemed dreadfully boring to me. That's probably on purpose. We're stuck with her for a while. Whatever.

Hey look everyone. There's the baby. Where have you been, young man? I've hit my 30 screenshot maximum. Stay tuned for part 2. (As always, your comments, feedback, reblogs and tags make my day)

[kawaiibunnora]

Top 10 Game Changer Episodes

In lieu of the recent WatchMojo video, Top 10 Best Game Changer Episodes, I feel like making my own top 10 Game Changer eps in spite of them. (fyi I will be grouping any repeating episodes into one unit. Ex: Sam Says, Sam Says 2, and Sam Says 3 would all count for "Sam Says")

10. Bingo The reason this episode makes it into my person top 10 is because of how many times I was caught off guard. The plot twist AFTER the plot twist made this episode such a fun watch. Also I love seeing the cast torture Brennan by making him "defend" Elon Musk /lh

9. Deja vu Everybody do the Wenis! The Wenis is a dance. Everybody is a genius who knows it in advance! This episode has such a great cast and the reoccurring bits were so fun. I loved how they started bribing Brian to stay quiet, and I'm personally just a huge sucker for time loops (one of my favorite games is In Stars and Time)

8. Yes or No Do I even need to explain this one? Just go watch the clip if you dont know why this is here. Look up "Brennan Lee Mulligan monologue" and you'll understand why this episode is in the top 10. The only reason the episode isnt any higher is because the bulk of the episode is pretty forgettable.

7. Second Place Another Brennan monologue!!! Honestly, If Brennan stares into the camera and monologues for a solid minute or two, that episode is guaranteed to be in the top 10, but, what puts this episode above Yes or No is the episode itself. The cast is so full of life and passion, and Brennan's consistent philosophy throughout the whole episode makes it one of the greats.

6. Don't Cry I have been a Dropout member for 2-ish years now. When I first became a member, I binge-watched all of Game Changer. Or at least I thought I did. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I saw someone mention Don't Cry and I had no idea what episode it was. So I went back, watched the episode, and was in tears by the end of it. Not only is the episode a beautiful gesture for an amazing writer and comedian, but every word spoken felt genuine, which made the entire episode so much more impactful.

5. A Game Most Changed Every single Dropout cast member is extremely talented, but not once have I seen an improve show as breathtaking and skillful as A Game Most Changed. The amount of skill and talent that is required to improvise an entire Shakespearean play while being thrown those curveballs- the insane coordination between the three actors, with each setting the others up for points. Despite playing for points, the cast frequently set up the others to succeed, favoring storytelling over winning. Absolutely beautiful.

4. Escape The Backroom Pure, unadulterated entertainment. Watching 3 grown adults go ape shit trying to solve puzzles and escape an escape room while unsubtly threatening their captor. Brennan, Lou, and Siobhan have such good chemistry as a team, leading to some of my all-time favorite Game Changer clips. The creation of an entire story for the escape room was inspired, and Sam's switch at the end was just the cherry on top.

3. Sam Says Whenever I have a friend over and I want to show them one Game Changer episode to represent EVERYTHING that Game Changer can be, I show them Sam Says. Each episode has an amazing cast that bounces off each other, and each episode continues to surprise and delight me. Personally, I think Sam Says 2 is the best, but all 3 are fun, high-energy, and insane. Perfect for comedy television.

2. Survivor The tension. The trust. The drama. The betrayal. And, most importantly, the funnies. These episodes have it all and more! In a game where relationships ARE the game, we, as the audience, get invested in each player. And as Brennan seemingly schemes and plots his way to victory, Lou manages to rival Brennan and best him in a game of trust and loyalty. Survivor truly shows what Game Changer can be, and as we see in later seasons, the show keeps evolving from there.

1. Make Some Noise Season 1, Episode 2. SEASON 1, EPISODE 2. Clipped so much that it got it's own show which is now clipped even more. The reason many people sign up for Dropout (and for good reason), this episode puts 3 of the most talented comedians in a space to just be funny. These episodes not only contain some of the best Game Changer moments, but they contain the best Dropout moments, the best impressions, and the best jokes I've ever heard. It's no wonder that these episodes got spun-off into its own show, which is now one of the primary advertisements for Dropout in the form of YT shorts. Brennan, Zac, and Josh are all so talented in drastically different ways, and by putting all three together, something magical happens. Make Some Noise is the gateway into all of the amazing content on Dropout. It is the best episode of Game Changer without a doubt. Season 1, Episode 2, Game Changer, Dropout.tv.

[abby118]

Watching the Loki series is like watching an endless gag reel. It's so bad it's surreal. Loki doesn't feel like Loki. That's not Loki. It's like we're watching Tom Hiddleston just flail and flop around in a bad suit. He reminds me, (and someone else also pointed this out, I can't remember who), of the Edgar suit in Men In Black. And I can't help but wonder if that was a conscious decision Tom made, to act like a possessed, reanimated corpse? We'll never know, of course, but every time I see video clips and gifs, I just see the Edgar suit and if it wasn't so laughable, I could cry.

I completely agree. I couldn't even get through season 1 tbh. And I'd thought ragnarok was bad and out of character...

My advice would be to avoid it completely. I've got the tags blocked, I don't look at the new content and just stick to the original. It truly makes me so sad for the entire fandom, to see such complex and deeply interesting character destroyed and stripped of his very essence. I've been a fan of Loki and the characters from the Thor movies since 2011 and hyperfixated big time. I won't let some disney bullshit ruin that. It helped me through the hardest times of my life and I see parts of myself in the personalities of the characters, having grown up with it being a safe place. It even inspired me to find interest in the norse mythology despite it being so different. I read numerous books and studies on it and I feel like you can catch little glimpses of it in the original franchise.

Sadly, it feels like Tom is so out of touch with who he is supposed to be portraying. I hope this is the result of a contract and not entirely his own input. Although, I'm worried that might be my wishful thinking.

I was studying the soundtrack of Thor 2 the other day and how much thought went into it and it made me weep internally. Brian Tyler studied the characters' personalities and brought that into what he crafted. It was full of care. He even named one track Lokasenna, which if you don't know, is the name of a poem belonging to the poetic Edda and is about the conflict between Loki and the Aesir (asgardians). I also love how the og Thor franchise had the recurrent theme of light & shadow. Returning back to the brian tyler vid- the theme he was talking about is named Shadows of Loki.

Now, compare it with what we got in the last years (sth that feels like a very badly written fanfic). That is just a single example.

For me, the ending of Thor 2 is the end of canon and I am writing my very extensive continuation. It's the best ending we could have gotten in terms of fanwork because it's an open ending. A still in-character-ending.

The series feels wrong, it feels like utter mockery and I'm not here for it. With that said, my blog is a safe space for everyone who feels like this or gets bullied by the new "fanbase" (yes that happens)

Thank you so much for sharing your opinion, I appreciate it more than you know 🖤💚

[classic-maya]

When do you think Brian fell in love with Justin?

Omg, a QaF fan??? In my DMs??? It’s more likely than you think. Ok I have many a thought and I’m going to work backwards. It might be controversial b/c I think it happened early on in season 1 because…

By 1x10 Brian is so whipped he drives all night to New York to find Justin and even though he is beyond pissed the second Justin gives him puppy dog eyes Brian is falling over himself to get inside him.

Look at Justin’s smug little face! He knows that he has Brian wrapped around his little finger. He starts stripping and Brian doesn’t do anything but Justin is so confident he teases him and asks if he needs help taking his clothes off. Justin is the king.

Before that in 1x08 after Craig beats Brian up outside of Babylon and gives Justin the ultimatum to go home now or never again; Brian storms off yelling an emphatic “fuck!” He thought Justin would go home and in that moment he was mourning the relationship. I think Brian was already in love. It hurt him to see Justin being asked to choose between his family and Brian but really between his true self and being accepted by his family. Brian knows this pain and it’s why he had not yet come out by this point in the show and it tears him up to see Justin go through that.

Two episodes before, 1x06, we see Brian looking at Justin’s drawing while someone under the covers is giving him head. This scene is the first time we see Brian have sex with someone else while actively imagining they are Justin instead. Also he goes to the art show at the center in this ep and he would not have done that just for Lindsay. He is there for Justin and he is sooo in love.

In 1x05 Brian kicks a trick out because the guy was rude to Justin. At this point Justin is already much more meaningful to him than a one night stand. After this Brian tells Justin not to rely on anyone else and the only person you can trust is yourself. I think this scene is so telling because ostensibly Brian is talking to Justin but really he is desperately trying to remind himself of this belief. He is already in love but he is also afraid of what that means.

I think Brian fell in love as early as 1x03 when Justin had the gall to steal two tricks from him. It was a like-recognizes-like moment. Brian for the very first time respected Justin and saw him as more than just some kid. In a scene at Woody’s in this ep Brian defends Justin to Michael and says “Leave him alone…he’s actually kind of sweet.” Justin’s move at the end of the ep was far from sweet and it not only turned Brian on, it had him head over heels. The way he smiles while kissing him on the dancefloor that night and holds him up in his arms like a trophy. I’m certain Brian took him home and couldn’t keep his hands off him the rest of the night.

For the rest of the season we see the tension between Brian’s love for Justin and Brian’s love for his lifestyle. Falling in love with someone is entirely discordant with Brian’s idea of himself and as we know he feels he can’t be trusted to love someone and have them love him in turn. He is terrified of that vulnerability and he doesn’t want to be hurt especially by someone he has allowed to get this close to him.

This follows them until season 5 when Brian finally allows himself to tell Justin that he loves him. He says it’s because of the bomb, but Brian already had to consider losing Justin once before, and instead of telling Justin that he loved him after the bashing he instead pretends that he didn’t even show up to the hospital despite visiting him every day and watching him sleep. Brian loved Justin from the beginning but he had so much work to do healing from his childhood and the walls he built up before he could even consider letting himself be vulnerable enough to admit it to Justin.

Finally, I just want to say that Justin is god’s strongest soldier. Was he perfect? No. Did he leave Brian and misunderstand him a few times? Yes. But jesus Brian did not make it easy on him. It takes a lot to love someone unconditionally even when they refuse to tell you what you both know is true.

Ok, stepping off my soapbox.

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Still not done. For reasons. Wacky brian go brrrrr. Happy new season, peeps!

This Future We Choose

Part 3/???

Part 1 • Part 2

Buck knew this was going to bite him in the ass eventually. He just had hoped it would be a while longer until he’d have to face the consequences for his actions. He will blame his stupidly bruised ribs for it, but of course his research material had to slide out of his folder and sail to the ground, just as he was about to show his sister the seating table he’d prepared for the wedding.

And of course, Maddie instantly recognized what those papers were, picked them up before he could bend down himself, and gave him that look.

While everyone knows by now that him and Natalia are no longer a thing, this was the thing he’d meant to keep between himself and Eddie a while longer. But fortune continues to be anywhere but on his side.

So his time is up, as his sister’s stern look at him will tell him with utmost surety.

“What are these?” Maddie asks.

“Research?” Buck answers, tight-lipped.

“Why are you researching that?”

“Coz I wanted to?”

Maddie rolls her eyes at him. “Evan.”

“Well, what do you think?” he grumbles.

“So you… seriously consider adoption? Or fostering a child?” she asks, her tone shifting to something more serious and thus something Buck knows he will find impossible to escape from.

Buck can feel his jaw tensing up. “That’s what started it, yeah.”

It started out feeling great, actually. Buck felt the usual excitement he has bubbling up in his stomach when he finds a new field of interest and learns all about it. It felt like it was all coming together, like he was coming back together, like he was heading in all the right directions at long last.

But it doesn’t matter how you start the journey, it matters how you end it.

And Buck got the sinking feeling a while ago that this journey ended before it ever truly began.

“I had… no clue, to be honest. That this is something you were considering now. I mean, I always knew you wanted kids, but… this is much more concrete than just a general wish to want children further down the road,” Maddie mutters pensively, her eyes drifting back to the brochures.

Buck rolls his shoulders. “Well, I guess actually dying sheds some light on how short life is.”

Maddie shoots him a stern look yet again, the kind of look that makes him cringe the same way it did when he was still a kid. Buck knows he shouldn’t be joking about it as much as he still does, especially with Maddie present. But sometimes, he can’t help himself. Not because he thinks death is funny, that his death was. But, as of late, he starts to think that his death was indeed some kind of cosmic joke at his expenses.

So why shouldn’t I laugh it up, at least?

“A lot’s happened this year that made me look at what I really want in life,” Buck chooses to say instead. “And… and one thing I can say for sure is that I want to become a father.”

Maddie touches his forearm lightly. “That’s great. It really is. And I’m not… I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

“I get that. I was surprised, too,” Buck replies.

“But… why would you keep this from us, from me? This is great news!”

Buck makes a face. “Because it’s weird?”

Because it’s futile?

“You wanting kids is not weird at all. Honestly, I’m still surprised you don’t have one already. You always loved kids, so much. And you’re great with them. I mean, just look at Jee doting on you. And you sure came around a lot, so I wondered that you didn’t…,” Maddie says, her voice trailing off.

Buck nudges her lightly. “Hey, I got the talk early on in my life. And I was taught very emphatically to always use protection, always.”

“Don’t remind me,” she grunts. “Because I was the one who had to give the talk to you.”

“I appreciated the diagrams and the flash cards. Has me very sure you’re gonna put out the greatest PowerPoint presentation ever for Jee, once it’s time to talk about the birds and the bees,” Buck laughs.

“So, there’s nothing weird at all about you wanting kids. I find it weird that you’ve been keeping this to yourself for so long, though. I mean, judging by the dates on some of the printouts, you’ve been doing research for a few weeks, at least,” Maddie says, gesturing at the apparent evidence of his own failures.

“Well, once it dawned on me that this is what I wanted, I guess I just wanted to get a better understanding of what’s involved in the process before announcing my intentions,” Buck explains. Which is true enough. He figured that research would make it less scary, less daunting. While Buck is considered to be somewhat the “daredevil” on the job, he can’t say the same is true when it comes to those private matters. That’s why he actually went through the hassle to print things out, to have physical proof, to make this just a bit more real.

But in the end, none of it worked.

In the end, it’s all just fantasy and make-believe.

“But why not talk to me?” He can hear the pain there, which Buck probably should have anticipated.

“I wasn’t trying to keep this from you,” he tells her in all earnest. Sure, Buck didn’t want to talk about it, but he didn’t want to leave Maddie out of the picture in particular.

I just wanted to have something to show for it. And look at me now, winding up empty-handed yet again.

“But you did not want to tell me, even though you’re sure that this is what you want,” she argues. “I just want to understand why.”

“I… I don’t know. I felt like I needed more information before saying anything, to anyone. I just started out with the premise that I wanted to be a father, really. But how? That was a big question mark for me. It still is. So I figured that I’d want to know what to announce at least, like… I wanna foster, I wanna adopt…”

She shakes her head slowly. “That’s not why you wouldn’t say anything, though.”

And of course she is right, of course Maddie sees through it. She’s been trained at reading him since they were children. Maddie raised him, so she sees the things that Buck is always busy to hide. And while it still saddens him that his big sister had to shoulder that responsibility, Buck knows that she will keep watching out for him the same way he looks out for her.

Us against the rest of the world, right?

“If you know the answer already, then why do you keep asking?” Buck doesn’t meet her gaze, he can’t.

“Because I’d rather hear it from you,” Maddie answers.

He sighs. “Honestly? I feel like it’s a good thing I didn’t announce anything, because I feel like this isn’t going anywhere.”

Maddie blinks at him. “So you don’t want to… be a father anymore?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Then why doesn’t it go anywhere?” She frowns.

Buck did, too, frown a lot, at himself. He frowned at the reflection in the bathroom mirror, his faint outline on the computer screen. He frowned at his own thoughts, and his own feelings. Because they didn’t make sense anymore. Whatever he thought he had figured out about himself, it did not fit together. Like he found some puzzle pieces, but they come from different sets.

“Because the more I look at those brochures and papers, the more I realize that this isn’t… that’s not me,” Buck admits.

“Well, there’s other options.”

“I know.”

He researched, he looked, he tried to find something different. Only to come back to the same spot over and over again. To be stuck, all over again.

Because fortune is not my friend. Because I seemingly have to keep living in waiting mode.

“But?”

“But I don’t want any of those options,” Buck says.

“So you want to be a father… but you don’t want to go for any of the options that’d make you a father?” Maddie asks, looking rightfully confused.

And if you put it like that, it really makes absolutely no sense at all. Which seems oddly fitting. Because Buck has a tendency to want the things he knows for a fact he can’t have. His parents’ love, for who he is, and not just for who he can be to other people. The feeling of being enough, of no longer needing any software updates. A world where he’s enough to protect the people he loves from all harm there is.

And someone to love me anyway.

“I didn’t pretend like this was making any sense, so I won’t start now,” Buck grumbles. He fixes his gaze on Maddie, looking at her with pleading eyes. “Can we just pretend like this never happened?”

He is really good at that, for better or worse.

“No,” is the definitive answer from his big sister, which he knew would come.

“Pretty please with sprinkles on top?” he bargains anyway.

“Evan.”

Buck knows that when Maddie uses that tone of voice when saying his name, there is really no escape anymore. Because Maddie is one of the few people who can actually speak to Evan. The vulnerable kid who only ever cried wolf to be loved by the people who refused to see him. The kid that was willing to bleed out for just one concerned look from his mother and father.

Buck keeps Evan deep inside his chest, for precisely that reason. Because he is that fragile, that broken, inside and out. Buck is stronger than that. He has grown. He has matured. He built up enough scar tissue and callouses. His bones broke often enough, and grew together strong, so he can catch himself if he falls. And he found other people to look at him a different way, to help him back to his feet.

Perhaps foolishly, Buck still tries to protect Evan as much as he can from the outside world. Because Evan doesn’t know how to seem fine. Evan only knows how to get hurt to be seen. Evan knows how to bleed, but not how to stop the bleeding. Buck knows how to become good at bearing the pain without anyone seeing. So not to become a burden.

But he knows he can’t fool Maddie. Because she knows Evan as well as Buck. She loves them both. And she will always manage to lure Evan out of the box deep inside Buck’s chest, the way she’s always managed since they were kids. But once he is outside, Buck knows he can’t shield him, and he can’t keep him from showing all the places he aches that’d Maddie mean to kiss better.

“You want to be a father, but you don’t want to go with any of the options that might make that wish come true,” Maddie tells him. “And you can’t even look me in the eye, saying it. Why?”

Buck’s eyes drift back to the brochures and printouts still on the floor, the ones in her hand, and he can feel his chest tighten to the point that it gets hard to breathe. And it’s not because of the bruised ribs. It’s because Evan long since crawled his way out, begging to be loved anyway. And Buck can’t tell him to go back and keep waiting.

Because the time won’t come.

Because the more he looks at those brochures, the more he is reminded of the reason why he can’t get there after all. Why his hopes are yet again in vain.

“Because the more research I do, the more I realize that I don’t want any of that. Not like this, at least,” he admits at last.

It’s no use anyway.

And he can bear that pain. He will have to, for Evan and himself.

“I… still don’t understand what you mean by that,” Maddie answers faintly.

“I don’t either! I thought I finally figured it out. The great epiphany! That I wanna be a father, more than anything. And that’s still true. It’s so damn true it hurts. I want to be a father, so bad. I want a child that’s mine and that I don’t have to give to anyone else.”

Tears sting in Buck’s eyes, though that’s just about the smallest pain he feels. Even his stupid ribs don’t hurt as much as this. And it just isn’t fair. To finally know what you want, only to realize that you can’t have that. Because being aimless is one thing, but knowing you won’t ever come to the shores you call home? That’s damn well a curse.

Maddie moves into his line of vision. She places a warm hand on his back, extends her other hand to squeeze his forearm.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright,” she soothes.

“It’s actually not.”

It hasn’t been in a long time, but the fool he is, he failed to see it. Because he wanted to seem fine, because he wanted to be fine again. For everyone else and himself. So Evan would remain where he put him, protected, so Buck could get back to his feet and find a way to move forward again. To maybe find a life where Evan could come out and not bleed out from a lack of love.

“Why not? I can only repeat it, there’s plenty of options to fulfill your dream,” Maddie tries to reassure him.

“There really isn’t. And that’s what makes this so damn stupid.” Tears now roll freely down his cheeks. Buck wipes at them angrily, relishes the small burn that comes with rubbing skin against skin.

“Why?”

“Because I know I want to be a father, but I… I want to be a father to a child I know I can’t be a father to,” Buck whimpers, almost choking on those truths that should have no business burning so much down his throat.

“You mean Connor’s and Kameron’s…,” Maddie mutters, but Buck interjects rather harshly, “No.”

Oh, and how he wished that was true. Because that would be easy. Anyone would understand, everyone assumes anyway. Buck wished it was that easy, but this situation only made him realize what he wanted, and just like he had to give over that child, he had to realize that he couldn’t ever get to where he wants to be.

“What child, then, if not their son?”

“Eddie’s son. Christopher.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose.

Biggest fuckin’ joke of my life.

“Christopher.”

“Yeah,” Buck croaks.

Christopher, always Christopher. In every brochure, every stock image, he saw that little guy with his dorky smile and glasses, heard his giggling, felt the way only that little guy could hug him. The boy he thought he had to give up on, knows he has to learn to let go, to be what he wants to be: A father.

Buck swallows thickly. “You know, I’ve tried to put some distance between us, lately. Between Eddie, Chris, and I. To, to figure this father thing out. Because I felt like I was… like I was using them, to have the second-best thing to being a father. But I… I miss them so damn much.”

Maddie keeps rubbing circles on his back, just as she’d done when they were both still kids and he could not be consoled after their parents looked right through him yet again.

“I… I keep seeing Christopher every time I turn the page in one of those stupid brochures. I don’t just want to have a kid that’s mine. I want that one specific kid to be mine. Even though I know he ain’t, even though I know he won’t ever be,” Buck cries, no longer able to hold it in, to contain it.

The love he can’t express, he pours it right out, like bad blood, but it just keeps on coming and coming and coming.

He might be what Eddie would want for his son, should something happen to him, but Buck isn’t that outside that scenario. So long there’s Eddie, and God knows he will make sure of it, he won’t be that for Christopher. He can’t be that for Christopher.

In the end, always the backup plan, isn’t it?

“Christopher loves you,” Maddie argues.

“But not as his dad, never as that. Because I’m not his father. Even in the event that something should happen to Eddie, and I’d take care of him… he wouldn’t be mine, not really. Inside my heart, yes, but… never outside it.”

Bobby once told Chimney that having a child is like having a heart outside of yourself. But Buck know he can’t have that, that he won’t ever get there. He can only treasure that child inside his heart, so no one can see just how much he loves that kid. Because the love he feels for him, he knows he is not entitled to.

I won’t ever be enough to them to be entitled to it. Because that isn’t my place. Not really. More than a guest, but only ever temporary. Never forever.

“Eddie would let me, that’s not the thing. But… but I can’t go on pretending, in my heart, that… that we are a family, in that sense,” Buck whimpers.

“Eddie considers you family.”

“Yeah, but not in the way I’d want him to consider me.”

Which is the icing on top of that shit sundae.

“What?”

“Forget it,” Buck replies quickly.

Because he doesn’t know how much more he can take. Because everything hurts, hurts more than his stupid ribs, more than his stinging eyes, or his inflamed cheeks. And Buck doesn’t want any more pain. He doesn’t want any more pain for Evan who is outside his little box right now, for that part of him to come to the realization that there is yet another thing they failed at.

“No, tell me, please,” Maddie begs. “I want to help.”

“I just know that this is nothing you can help me with,” Buck whispers. “Even though you’re my big sister and I grew up thinking you’re my personal superhero. But this… you can’t fix. And I think I can’t either.”

Maddie takes a deep breath, considers his words, then searches his eyes again. “Alright, then maybe I can’t fix this. But I… I know for a fact that not talking about things that hurt us, scare us, terrify us… those darkest spots in our lives… that’s even worse. And I won’t have my little brother repeat the mistakes I’ve made.”

“You didn’t…”

“It doesn’t matter,” she interjects sternly. “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want you to keep pretending like all is fine. Like you have to keep something from me, or anyone else. You can always tell me these things. Always. Even if you may actually want to say them to someone else, you can always say them to me first. I don’t pretend to have the answers, but I can listen. And I always will, Evan. But I need to hear it from you.”

Buck looks at his sister for a long moment. He thinks about how far she’s come, how much she’s overcome. And how glad he is that she finally gets some of the pay off for the years of sacrifice. In the end, Maddie is still his personal superhero, not because she is invincible, but because she wears her scars and comes out stronger every time. Because like him, she never gives up, or even if she almost did, she fought her way back.

He takes a deep breath, then another. Maddie is right, he should say those things to someone else. But the person he’d normally go to for this? He can’t say. Buck screws his eyes shut, trying to forget all that, if only for a moment.

“Losing something can sure make you realize how much you loved it, even if you knew you loved it all along. I remember reading that, when I was still recuperating after the lightning strike.”

Buck read a lot, while at the hospital. Not just self-help books. When he stumbled over that quote, he had some sense of how that rang true for him. He just couldn’t put his finger on it, not really. Then his life took one sharp turn after the other, with Kameron and Connor and the baby, with Natalia.

The book fell back into his hands when she got the last of her things. And when he flipped to that page, it felt like lighting was striking through him again. Because he was right back in his coma dream, and it was glaring at him, laughing at him.

Who wasn’t there? Who was the one person who’s so close to you you didn’t see? Who, hm?

“I’m not following,” Maddie mutters, blinking at him.

“The more distance I put myself between myself and Eddie and Christopher, the more I realized just how alone I feel when I don’t have them near me,” Buck says.

“As I said, they love you, too.”

“And I love them, God, I love them. But I can’t love them like I wanna love them. And that fuckin’ hurts.”

Buck loved before. He knows what heartbreak feels like. But he never loved like this, and at some point, he wished he never found out that he could love like this. Because it’s a kind of love that burns even worse than the one he still feels for his parents. Even though they can’t love him back. Even though they made him walk through fire every day of his life. Because it’s the kind of fire he will keep walking into, against better judgment. Because he could learn to live without his parents, but he can’t learn to be without them.

“I can’t love Christopher like a father. And I can’t love Eddie like a partner. I can’t love them as my family I go home to every single night. I can’t love them like I do, and it sucks, and it hurts, and I just want it to stop.”

“P, partner?” Maddie stammers, still taking that in.

“Yeah, that’s about the face I made when it dawned on me,” Buck huffs bitterly. “I mean, in true Buck fashion, I kept missing all the signs. It’s always been there, and I… not even all of those epiphanies I feel I had in my coma dream prepared me for that one. Eddie wasn’t in it, in that dream, not really. Though that’s probably the great message, and I waltzed right past it.”

That his heart wasn’t in it, literally. That his heart wasn’t in that supposedly perfect life. The man who let him into his own, wasn’t there. The man who’d given his heart over to him, telling him that he is not expendable. The world that was without Eddie was the one without Christopher. And that world may have had his parents loving him in it, may have had Daniel alive, but it didn’t have them. And how can such a world ever be any good?

Buck has been wrecking his brain about it. Ever since he broke up with Natalia, he felt like he was finally gaining perspective. Only for the light to switch and put Eddie and Christopher in the spotlight. At first, he liked to think that they were simply his measure to go by. Because Buck wants to be a dad like Eddie, loving, caring, kind. And he wants a kid just like Christopher. So that seemed straightforward enough. Until it became even more twisted. Because the harder he looked, the more he realized they weren’t just the model Buck was going by, they were it. Both of them. Not just Christopher. But Eddie.

Always Eddie.

Buck can’t say he thought about Eddie as someone he wanted to be with, romantically. Sure, an attractive guy, always. Someone Buck could unashamedly say he learned to love dearly. But he can’t say he longed for him the way he is doing it now. Or rather, he now sees all of those signs he missed, all the chances he missed. The things he didn’t see, because he looked at Eddie through the lens of friendship, of what it was, and not what it could be. Because Buck didn’t even dare to think outside that box. Despite his bravado, he was not brave enough. He liked not being a guest in Eddie’s house. And he was fine with that, just that.

I never thought I could be more than that.

But Buck grew, and he’s coming to terms with it that he gets to want more, be more. He took a step back and saw more than he used to. But once you start to think outside the box, you can’t go back to its confined space. You can’t go back to only just. Once you open your heart to wanting more, it won’t be satisfied with the lesser.

How can I be enough, if I am not enough to have them?

So now, he’s left with longing and missing again. He wants the things he can’t have. And Buck won’t jeopardize the happiness either Eddie or Christopher or Marisol have found together. He won’t be that person. He can’t sink that low. Even if that means he is back to greedily stuffing the crumbs of life with Eddie and Christopher into his mouth, like a guy who’s been left out in the desert for weeks without a single thing to eat.

So maybe he’s good enough for Eddie and Christopher, to be a part of their family. But he won’t be that part of the family. Maybe Marisol will fill that seat. Maybe it’s going to be someone who’s not even in Eddie’s life yet. But no matter what, this person won’t be him.

So what is he even doing, researching ways to have a child, to be a father? How could it be fair to that child? When, in the back of his head, he’d always wind a string around the mere image of Eddie and Christopher as part of the family he might build?

“I’m still wrapping my head around you being into guys. But then again, I never tried too hard to look at that as your sister,” Maddie says, shaking her head wide-eyed.

“I never dated guys, I just got down dirty with them.” Buck shrugs.

He never made it a secret, but he didn’t make it explicit either.

Except for when I told them about my track record in dating yoga instructors. Because those definitely weren’t all ladies…

Buck never had a serious relationship with guys. He just fooled around with them. And especially in the beginning, it may well be that he liked things a bit too rough. Which should show that he belonged in therapy since a young age, because no, that was surely not healthy at all.

“Yeah, no, I don’t need to know that. At all. Ever.” Maddie screws her eyes shut.

“I figured.”

Buck never cared for a label to put on that, he still doesn’t. Had anyone asked him back in the day, he would have said that he’s simply not picky. Today he can safely say that he is extremely picky, to the point that he reduced his entire happiness to two people, to the point that he can’t look at anyone else the way he looks at Eddie these days.

“Alright, I’m… I’m sorry, that caught me off-guard a bit. But… but in all seriousness now, yes?” Maddie goes on to say.

He blinks at her. “Yeah?”

“There’s nothing wrong with realizing that you love people, or that you’ve fallen in love with someone, even if it’s your best friend,” she tells him.

“But there’s something wrong with wanting to say it, to make them love you back in kind, when you know you really shouldn’t,” Buck argues. “Even if it’s your best friend.”

Or precisely because he is.

“We all just want to be loved in the end. And I know for a fact that you love big. But it’s not wrong to want to be loved back in kind,” Maddie points out.

“It’s wrong to want that, knowing where Eddie stands in life right now. Knowing…” He doesn’t have to finish for Maddie to understand where he is going with this.

“People break up, you know,” she offers, which only ever has him snort. “Like I’m going to hinge my hopes on him breaking up with Marisol.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“The problem is that Eddie loves me, but only as a friend. And even if he broke up with Marisol tomorrow… he won’t ever look at me any other way than that. And I can’t unsee what I’ve seen. I can’t look at him any other way than… this. And… and I feel like I’m losing them because of that. Because if I keep getting too close, I will… I will fuck it up, I know I will. Because I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I… this will come out eventually. And I will make a mess of everything. And I… I can’t do that.”

Fresh tears well up in his eyes.

Sure, he wants more. Sure, he wants to feel like he is enough. He tries to get there. But he knows he can’t have Eddie and Christopher, no matter how hard he tries. Not like this, at least. Because this is not about his worth or lack thereof. It’s just now how they see him. But what he can afford even less than this pain is the thought to lose the ways he has them.

He’d rather be less to them than nothing at all.

“But I also can’t keep away from them,” he continues, almost choking on the words. “I just… I don’t know what to do. I just know it hurts, no matter what I do. And I want it to stop, but it just doesn’t.”

Maddie pulls him into a hug, trying to cover up as much of him as she can, despite their difference in size. Buck sinks against her, tries to soak up her warmth to cast out the cold dread of being back where he began, only to remain stuck there.

Because there is no longer a world for him he can escape to, where he isn’t in love with Eddie, where he doesn’t want Christopher to be his son, where he doesn’t want them to be his family. It vanished, slipped through his fingertips.

“Oh, Evan.”

Buck used to think that Maddie’s hugs would always heal him. He still wants to believe that, but he can’t trust it. Because Evan is out there, and he looks back at him, begging to know why they can’t be loved anyway.

And Buck has no answer to that.

And he fears he never will.

[wellcomeoneileen]

Just rambled about why I didn’t know if Brian was happy with fucking around or not at the end of S5, and i have some loose thoughts on why I didn’t know if Justin was also happy with it or not?

I think most people agree S4 and 5 largely didn’t know what to do with Justin, and this topic is a good example, bc what did he really want out of monogamy other than to give brian a conflict? (Which wasn’t even fleshed out lol)

I think it’s because Justin wanted more emotional connection than brian could/would provide, and I do think S5 is hopeful brian will get better and better at being emotionally connected to Justin (beyond sex and unspoken actions of love).

And so them only talking about non-monog in terms of fucking around or only fucking each other didn’t ring true to me for what Justin wants?

Like I know a married couple who has one husband who sleeps around and the other husband who has a boyfriend. They have different needs out of an open relationship. and I’m curious if Justin, who I never felt like was never thrilled with an open relationship, would be drawn towards getting some emotional needs met by another man or two whilst brian gets his physical needs met by others.

We do explore that with Ethan! But in a monogamy context. It was like - you can get both your emotional and sexual needs met by ethan, or sexual needs met by multiple people and only emotional needs met by brian, who really struggles with that. But you can’t get your emotional and sexual needs met by multiple people +brian.

An open relationship to brian and Justin meant fucking around only; which I felt like meant a lot to brian bc of his relationship with his body as self-worth; but was maybe a take it or leave it thing to Justin who didn’t derive his self worth from his body.

This is bc the writers were focused on brian and not as much on Justin, so his unique needs for monogamy/not weren’t really debated as much as he provided pushback to brian for Brian’s plot.

And if brian is allowed to center himself by getting other dick, I would argue maybe Justin should be allowed to center himself by getting other connections?

Like Justin created those S2 rules mostly bc those were the things he was craving! Brian was not the one falling for guys he was sleeping with, lol.

The Justin Loses His Hearing fanfic AU has a story about something similar - Justin gets a boyfriend who gets him in a different way than Brian does, and honestly that makes a lot of sense to me. Brian was overflowing with physical energy whilst Justin was overflowing with emotional energy. This kinda seems like a natural outlet for them both, be open but in different ways. Brian fucking a lot of guys frequently and Justin fucking a few guys intentionally. And they are one another’s constant.

Like I see them in New York, justin is right by brian 9/10 times, and that 1/10 time is him totally off in his own little world with his boyfriend of the year ( a rotation of artists in residence and study abroaders and they’re hot and heavy for the year then send friendly postcards and they always knew they were a love affair not LOML) and brian is right by Justin 9/10 times, and that 1/10 time is compiled of his little daily random hook-ups (all his steam room men and waiters and clients who don’t even register)

They ultimately sexually and emotionally satisfy each other more and better than anyone else, but if Brian’s monogamy crux is he needs sexual variety, why couldn’t Justin have emotional variety?

I just wasn’t totally sold on Justin getting something out of their version of non-monog, bc in every season we see him crave additional relationship components, and be upset by brian fucking other people, and we don’t see him just itching to go fuck others indiscriminately.

And this might not be what he would want either!!

But it’s my best guess given that his character wasn’t allowed to want much outside plot reasons towards the end, and I love guessing about this show :)

[aihoshiino]

Episode 3 Rewatch: "Manga Based TV Drama"

YEAH WE'RE BACK ON THESE AGAIN!!! As much fun as the liveblog format was, I found it was actually getting in the way of me *doing* the liveblog (it could take multiple hours for me to watch and queue up One Single Episode) so I've decided to return to a format a bit more like my chapter reviews just in the desperate hopes of getting these actually done before season 2 airs. In the immortal words of Brian H oobh i got plany off time. But let's get to it real quick anyway!!!

I have a really soft spot in my heart for episode 3 in particular because it was the first episode I actually anticipated watching after I got into the show - episodes 1 & 2 were already out when I fully contracted brainworms so episode 3 was the first one I had to actually wait for. A lot of the cuts from it are like carved into my brain because I watched that episode preview so many times while waiting for it to air lol…

I've said this before but the anime's take on her really is what turned me into an active Kana Enjoyer. Megumi Han's delightful performance and her character acting an animation all combine to make it really hard not to be endeared to her. Her excitement at being reunited with Aqua is really cute, too - I remember Han saying that she was specifically told not to play Kana as a girl meeting an old crush but as someone excitedly reuniting with an old friend and I think that's particularly sweet. The AQKN dynamic at its heart is kind of just two lonely kids who don't have a lot of other connections that aren't couched in transactional utility creating a space together where they can just exist without any ulterior motives.

gotanda's words being visualized as literally skewering kana is so fucking funny too. bro killed her. you really can't blame her for biting back during dinner later lol

Kana's putting on a pretty positive face about it, but knowing how deeply alone and abanoned she feels by her parents, it's hard to not feel really sad about this scene. She's chipper about it but this is the first hint towards Kana's current honestly kind of dire circumstances we'll see get expanded on all the way to the end of the anime.

Aqua's refusal to let Kana see his old acting is also really interesting to me. Intentionally or not, it feels like it's sewing the seeds for some stuff in Tokyo Blade; Aqua respects Kana's acting and Kana herself as a professional to the degree that he doesn't want to 'lose' to her in that sense. Or rather, he'd be embarrassed to have someone he respects seeing him stumble like that - a little like Ruby's freakout in episode 1 over the idea of Ai, specifically, seeing her be bad at dancing.

Aqua trying to play it cool and then immediately nerding out when Kana mentions Sweet Today is so so so so soooooooo cute. I love it when that side of his personality pokes out…

KABURAGI NAMEDROP JUMPSCARE!!!!! i made the same face, aqua... I won't go into my Kaburagi Villain Propaganda here, but it really is so deeply suspicious that Kaburashi was on her oldest, most private phone…

KANA'S LITTLE 'I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE' MOMENT………. AQUMELT REAL AFTER ALL…. (NOT CLICKBAIT)

ruby's lain brand milk vexes and haunts me

Aqua's quietly pained, guilty expression when Ruby misreads his intentions for becoming an actor is so good, as is his cold internal dismissal of Ai's wish… it's funny to see him insisting he's not doing this for Ai's sake when really, everything Aqua does comes back to his mom.

Man, though. What even is there to say about the Sweet Today bits lmao. Holy shit. Particular shout out to Melt's seiyuu, Seiji Maeda, for making his in-character acting so authentically awkward and clunky without it coming off as overwrought or like he himself was giving a bad performance. That's suuuuuch a delicate thread to weave but he does it exceptionally well.

This scene also has one of my all time favourite punch ups from the manga - in the original, Ruby just kind of gets the manga from nowhere and makes the comparisons that way but the anime makes Aqua the one to go get his copy and start silently flipping through it to compare until Ruby snatches it… it really is the perfect teeing up for him to run off and tattle to Kana even though he was pretending he didn't give a shit lol. Dork ass boy.

This talk at the karaoke bar is really good, too. The directing is pretty simply but I feel like the anime producton really shows off just how strong its expression and character acting work is here which does a lot to help along what's otherwise a very static conversation. The contrast in Aqua and Kana's energy is also very fun - Aqua's really still while Kana's very animated.

The manga hasn't really touched on this in a while but the content of the conversation here also starts a thread that I really liked in the early parts of Oshi no Ko about how hard it is to create good art in an environment like the entertainment industry. Tokyo Blade centers this more and is almost explicitly a follow up to Sweet Today's exploration of this idea but the seeds are sewn here, of the necessary compromises that need to be made just to get something out the door and how that can ultimately destroy the final product no matter how many well-meaning and passionate people are doing their absolute best to make something worth engaging with.

i'm also pretty sure this talk is the first time we see aqua smile after episode 1… cute.

The directing also really shines in that little moment at the end where Kana grabs Aqua's hand. In prior cuts, the two are visually separated in that they're both sat apart and there are multiple lines running between them in the background to section them off from each other.

But then just as Kana breeches Aqua's defenses and disarms him, she physically reaches past all these little barriers to finally get into his space. It's subtle but well done.

His wide-eyed slightly stunned face is also really sweet. We see this look on Aqua a lot when it comes to Kana and it always makes me smile a bit. She's excellent at getting under his skin whether she means to or not.

"now my body has caught up with my mental age" says aqua, confirming his mental age is that of a teenager, and mfs are still out here acting like he's a 30 year old man.

Oof, oof and oof. Kana's little speech here already makes me so soft and knowing how it's going to be utterly spat upon in just a moment by Kaburagi's callousness towards her just makes it hurt even more. We continually see reference to this supposed good relationship between Kana and Kaburagi during this episode and so knowing that he's ultimately just another shitty adult taking advantage of her clear desperation… masaya kaburagi when i see you it's on sight

This is also a really fantastic character moment for Aqua, I think. He himself says he's done everything he needed to do on set, so there's no need for him to start shit like he does. It's purely out of respect and fondness for Kana as a person and anger on her behalf as a fellow actor. For as much as Aqua likes to convince himself he's a coldhearted bastard, he really just cannot help himself when it comes to leaping in and helping people. He's a lot like Ai in that once somebody has his heart, he's theirs for good.

i also just have to fucking Scream at this cut of him. it hit me like a fucking TRUCK when this episode dropped. because it doesn't quite look like the equivalent panel of the manga, does it?

But doesn't it feel super familiar, even so? Doesn't it remind you of something? I wonder wh-

OSHI NO KO ANIME STAFF, WHEN I GET YOU!!!!!! (ENRAGED) (POSITIVE)

[madstronaut]

tis christmas in july aka the season for feasting year-round 

much like the 3-in-1 monstrosity of shampoo/condish/bodywash that the COD men probably use (not gaz, though he would n e v e r) I am tossing in my ramblimmentaries three of cin’s lovely fics together here 🥰

aaanyway not even ashamed to say I’ve been re-reading their holiday keegan fic SEVERAL TIMES a month since I first saw it last december cos it’s so cute and fluffy

ok I need to get this out of the way laughing my ass off rn because autocorrect changed cumikering to cucumber several times throughout here and i was howling when I went to edit this and I was like why are there cucumbers everywhere??? LMAO

Reading: Neighbour Keegan Russ x reader by @cumikering

ah meet cute at the laundry room; I love it alr (as you can see i am easily pleased/amused/moved)

also it’s already on sight with reader’s cuz, i have unfortunately met ppl like this IRL (haven’t we all) and well talk about telling on themselves about how unhappy they are :/

“Well, if you need company…” he said, trying to not sound too hopeful. I’d love to spend some time with you. You turned to him, brow raised. “Wait, you mean, you want to come with? Be my plus one?” “That wasn’t- well, yeah. I can do that.” He shrugged. “If you want.” This wasn’t the direction he was heading for. He was going to offer to spend Christmas together, maybe exchange gifts, but he surely wasn’t going to take that back. Anything for a chance with you.

AAAA OBSESSED WITH HOW CUTE AND AWKWARD THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE IS

He always enjoyed seeing your face brighten like that, despite never getting the chance to see it enough…But between deployments, he was lucky to even catch a glimpse of you once a week, leaving any possible advances towards you simply a fantasy to him. He was out of practice, but was he that out of practice that he came on too strong and scared you? He certainly didn’t mean to make it suggestive. This was going to end before it even started. He grimaced to himself.

we love some good ole mutual pining🥺🥰🥺🥰🥺🥰

That time you saw Keegan on a run shirtless out your window you had to sit down.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA crying laughing at this…also reminded me of a time I hung out with a friend in LA who went to pick up a friend after he ran a marathon and drop him off before we went to dinner - didn’t realize the runner was an old acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a while since he was a senior when I was a freshman in college but I fucking remembered him alright when he came running up ripped af, shirtless, sweaty, saw me and went “MADSTRONAAUUTTTT OMG” and picked me up and spun me while in his giant hulking sweaty arms and I briefly bluescreened…anyway cough sorry back to keegan what was I saying, yes shirtless sweaty keegan yes yes 

He didn’t speak much (you wished he did though because his voice was divine)

my fellow voicekink brian bloom fans where you at

ah wooing by fake dating, is there a better trope (tbh the ones I’ve read are hit or miss but this one is 10/10)

Keegan sat on his bed as you went through his wardrobe. How cheesy would it be if he were to pull out his guitar and serenade you? He, too, was told the ladies liked men who played the guitar. Why do you think he picked it up in high school?

*thousand eyed stare thinking of how many times I've heard wonderwall as a millenial*

He’d made it his mission to make sure taking him to your family was worth your while.

ah yes a true soldier through and throughhhhh~

You were a steady stream of glee that didn’t drain him and he couldn’t get enough.

AAWWWWWWW fucking loved this line!!!!!!!

also the cousin’s name as Bella now has me picturing her as twilight kristen stewart

It only made it hard to dilute your hopefulness that this meant the slightest bit more than nothing.

“dilute your hopefulness” GAAHHH LOVE THIS PHRASE CIN MWAH MWAH

now how to put this lightly but everything about bella just filled me with pure rage lol first off I WOULD ALSO KILL FOR A DYSON AIR WRAP GIFTED TO ME (can I buy one? yes. can I justify buying one? hell no) and I hate to use this term but textbook definition of a ‘pick-me girl’ right here but seeing casual cruelty like this would make me hear those kill bill sirens and have me swabbing some vaseline on my face and taking my earrings off and spitting some razorblades out my mouth and- cough anyway that’s from my younger fanciful days, I don’t carry razorblades in my mouth this isn’t late 90s/early 2000s new york ha cough anyway moving on smh throwing my hands at bella up in air

but I loved the contrast with keegan and let me just say everything about bella’s ‘gift’ goes against the pure nature of giftgiving and I am thrilled that she left the card there but got to take Keegan home 🥰

this whole fic reminded me of a lovely quote I read on a tear-off daily calendar lol

“The wise one knows. The giver of the gift IS the gift. And the gift is just the giver’s heart in the shape of something to make you smile.  The gift decays. The giver stays. And so the real gift remains.”

I will make an exception for celebrating Christmas in July for any of cin's holiday fics 🥰🥰🥰

-----------------------------------------

aaaaand also reading: by Ghost x plus-sized reader by cinny

omfg fucking tearing up my pillows to shreds at how much I love this lil fic!!!

You scoffed, looking past him at the other ladies in the room. “Are you serious? There are plenty who weigh far less.” His brow rose. “Are you calling me weak?”

fucking love reading about a suave smooth-ass ghost

His eyes softened a touch. “May I? Please?”

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 WHO CAN RESIST PUPPY EYED GHOST??? TELL ME WHO

 Across the pub, the table of three men grinned at the massive stranger. The one with the mohawk was very much entertained as he gave him thumbs up.

yes yes we love wingman!141

You laughed, your breath warm against his ear. “Are you going to set me down or am I having my drink on your back?” “Don’t give me ideas.” He chuckled as he lowered you to your feet.

HOW CUTE IS SIMON CARRYING READER TO THE BAR? AAAAAAA

“Okay. Well, thanks for he drink. You could get back to your mates if you want.” “I’m Simon,” he mustered instead.

“he mustered” AAAH I LOVE BIG NERVOUS MEN STUMBLING OVER THEIR WORDS

When he turned to them, they immediately busied themselves with their drinks, averting their gazes.

LMAO

So that was why you were alone. You were waiting for someone. Disappointment anchored at the bottom of his chest. “Right. Okay.” You smiled. “Thanks for the drink, Simon. I’ll see you around, yeah?” He grunted and you headed to the end of the bar. He stood umoving for another second before retreating to his table like a kicked puppy.

ummm omg I literally keeled over and slumped out of my chair in sympathy for simon for a good minute before I could read on OMG CIN HOW COULD YOU (lmao jk I loved this sm)

You flagged down some other blond man who walked over to you with a smile.

LMAO yes yes simon you are clearly superior

“I know she’s with someone, but I can tell she likes you more,” Price said, and Simon finally tore his gaze away from you. “Ye should fight ‘im, L.T. He dinnae stand a fuckin’ chance.” “You can knock him out with a slap,” Gaz quipped.

fucking love this, cin has 141 characterisation down to a T with each of their responses!!!! 

also men of the world if you can please take notes on stepping up from 141 here, please start doing so yesterday tyvm

so busy mopping up my heart from melting at how adorable this meet-cute is and I also got halal two days in a row from the halal guys cart by work thanks to reading about the kebabs in this fic

-----------------------------------------

and finally reading: Ghost x asmr artist reader by cinny

"Simon had a pepper problem and a pasta dilemma"

🥺🥺🥺🥺 I am dying at the cuteness here alr🥺🥺🥺🥺

You turned to him. He noticed the little startle before you shoved your phone back in your pocket.

men who are self-aware of their size and presence and the effect it has on ppl around them and act accordingly, I love you

Your quiet cooking videos were one of the only things left that offered him calmness, especially on those nights away on missions, giving him tingles in all the right places, and shamefully, the wrong ones too sometimes.

sir, sir, there is no room for shame in love~

“Ah- I’m sorry,“ he managed, flustered by your sudden exit. “I didn’t want to be presumptuous, but you make those videos, don’t you? I recognised your voice.” You grinned, turning to him. “I just wanted to thank you,” he said. “Your videos comfort me a lot.” “I’m happy to hear. Thank you for watching.” Simon wanted to tug his beanie over his face because as you walked away, he was unmoving with a racing heart and a blush over his pale cheeks.

omfg WANTED TO TUG HIS BEANIE DOWN??? I AM IN LOVE I LOVE STRONG YET VULNERABLE GIANT MEN SM (this is a fluff fic so I am keeping with the fluffy vibes nd restraining my horny ass from choking out some absolutely thirsty comments here)

Despite the uncomfortable circumstances, your quiet yet crisp voice always sent him into a restful slumber.

yes shoutout to my favorite YT vids and comfort fics for putting me to sleep without fail

The chance encounter only fuelled his attraction. Knowing the kind smile behind the sweetest voice felt like an intimate secret, one you shared with him and only him - not with the rest of your few thousand subscribers.

i love how sweet simon is here with his lil parasocial crush and OMG WHEN READER APPROACHES HIM FIRST IN THE PASTA AISLE I also blushed IRL GOD I LOve FLUFF FICS SM

“Someone sent in a recipe for a video, and it’s absolutely delicious. I’ve been making it at least once a month ever since.”

SIMON’S COMFORT YOUTUBER’S COMFORT RECIPE IS SIMON'S??? WHAT IS THIS GLORIOUS OUROBOROS OF A COINKYDINK

He combed his hair back with his fingers, hoping his hat hair wasn’t terrible. He caught the double take you did at his tattooed arm.

🥰hehehe i love these little tidbits and morsels of vulnerability (hmm good band name, writing that down)

The rich scent of caramelised meat drifting in the room wrapped around him like a warm blanket.

Between sips of tea, you enjoyed your own halves of the chocolate wordlessly, the music melting into the background.

The savoury aroma glided past the thin gaps of the oven, swirling and dancing between you and him.

mmmmmm this has to be one of the coziest fics ive ever read

“I was an apprentice butcher before I enlisted.” He pressed down on the ricer with ease.

so much said in two sentences!!! ugh mwah mwah so many chef’s kisses for your writing style cinny

also loved how both are very self-aware and how reader picks up on simon talking about his mom in past tense and the whole fic emerging to fit around this bit of simon’s story is so wonderful to me… He waited until you took a bite before taking his own, and his breath caught. His brows furrowed as lump formed in his throat. Had the ground cracked and plunged him into a glitched universe? He was once more in Manchester, 10 years younger, finally home after a long day at the butcher, his mum and brother waiting at the table with the piping hot dish in the middle of it.

literally picturing that critic eating ratatouille flashback end scene from the eponymous movie 😂🥰

The last thing he wanted to do in front of you was shed a tear, but there he was, some hulking stranger sobbing on your shoulder as nostalgia held him in a death grip. It was humiliating to be seen like this – he didn’t remember the last time he cried from feelings, yet the tears wouldn’t cease despite his efforts. But you held him close, and his thick arms wrapped around you. He told himself if he pulled you close enough, it would hurt less.

i love how simon’s comfort streamer becomes an IRL comfort place for him to safely break down 🥹🥹 did I cry from reading this? IDK MAYBE WHO KNOWS? (looks at the ruined kleenex piled in my wastebin)

I hope all readers know and have a person and place like this (and may we host such places and become such people as well) 💛✨🌿

and of course I will pause my rambles here with a big-ass hug 🫂 and thank you to cinny for being a wonderful comfort fic writer for meeee 🫶🫶🫶😘👌😘👌😘👌

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: March 2024

……….FILM……….

Dune: Part Two (2024) Every piece of technology felt and looked so tangible. The baby worm too! Love the tactile nature of this whole production and I hope studios take note that CG can't be the only tool in your belt. So much bigger than I imagined and just enjoyed the whole thing.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) Ages surprisingly well and a script that lets the main quartet be both funny and layered.

……….TELEVISION……….

Columbo (1.01 to 1.03) Hey I'm starting Columbo! Love that each episode is feature-length and Columbo appears fully formed right out of the gate. The sets and costumes are all so glamorous and L.A. Very excited to keep going.

Succession (2.05 to 3.04) The Kendall play at the end of season 2 felt very much like the Kendall play at the end of season 1 and while I'm still a huge fan of this series, I just hope it's not the same going into season 3 and 4.

Delicious in Dungeon (Episode 1.09 to 1.13) Great adaptation that isn't just a straight recreation of the artwork in the manga. The more kinetic/frantic moments in the animation are a nice departure and while they don't pop up in each episode, now that I'm 13 eps deep I can appreciate how they're sprinkled throughout.

Love is Blind (Episode 6.02 to 6.13) It still amazes me that anyone goes on reality tv.

……….YOUTUBE……….

Twilight | ContraPoints by ContraPoints Yes I did watch a nearly 3-hour essay on Twilight, sexual expression, and all that comes with that. And you should too. VIDEO

Instagram fatigue and the rise of 'Resentment Reels' by Taylor Lorenz While I haven't noticed this specific phenomenon, I have noticed Instagram declining as an app (both as a user trying to see anything other than ads, and a creator trying to get my work seen in between those ads). It's a bummer. VIDEO

Saltburn: The Tumblr-ification of Cinema by Broey Deschanel Every since I saw Saltburn, I've been thinking about what wasn't quite sitting right with me. This unlocked a lot of what I couldn't describe and most of it stems from the writer/director's upper class upbringing. Saltburn isn't a "take down the rich" movie, it's a horror story from the perspective of a wealthy family. VIDEO

Why Is It So Hard To Cross The Street? (& What You Can Do To Help) by Strong Towns Accidents where drivers hit a pedestrian are going up in my area so this really hit home. And for those feeling like there's nothing you can do at ground level, consider taking their course (not a paid sponsorship I'm just in real support of community-lead initiatives). VIDEO

……….READING……….

Elric of Melniboné by Michael Moorcock (Complete) After picking up the last book in this series (which I've yet to read) I figured I'd start at the beginning. Love the fast pace pulpy action and I can see how this influenced the creation of D&D.

The Man in the Brown Suit by Agatha Christie (Complete) This one would lose me for stretches but the final quarter of the book is stronger. A lot less cozy and a lot more action than I was expecting but skimming other reviews it sounds like this was written during her more...adventure-focused era. Three books deep and I have to give Christie credit that each has been a completely different experience.

Adventures of a Japanese Business Man by Jose Domingo (Complete) Always love going back to this nearly wordless epic that follows the titular Japanese business man. I love the complexity of the earliest panels and wish that could carry throughout more of the book, but it's always such a treat to discover just where each new panel will go.

Delicious in Dungeon Volume 5 by Ryoko Kui (Complete) Enjoying rereading this with shorter breaks between volumes as I certainly missed/forgot details on my first read. It's here that the story and tone shifts from light romp to a more dramatic and dangerous affair but it never loses its spot-on humour. Love those dryad pumpkins.

Ultimate Spider-Man HC Volume 11 by Brian Michael Bendis, Stuart Immonen, David Lafuente, and more (Complete) Going from some of my other comics back to this, I'm struck by just how wordy it can get. Now knowing where the story goes, it was a great idea to prime readers to the idea of Peter Parker dying even if it's not from this event.

……….AUDIO……….

Blank Check with Griffin & David (Podcast) Late to the game on this but really enjoying burning through their back catalog. Obviously started with their episode on Speed Racer as it's a near perfect film that you should watch right now.

……….GAMING……….

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Tuesday group just killed a mayor! So the aftermath of that is going to play out over the next couple of sessions. And the Mof1 crew is investigating the aftermath of their own district-wide catastrophe and it's all looking rather suspicious!

Spot It (Blue Orange Games) I can't recommend this game enough. It's so easy to learn, rounds last maybe 5 minutes, it plays well with small or large groups of any age, and all it requires is pattern recognition and quick reflexes. Every time I've played this someone says they're going to buy a copy for themselves.

And that's it. See you in April!

[the-last-rat-standing]

Both @justagibbsgirl and @i-run-with-scissors39 made a really good point about the Gibbs absence in the Ducky tribute episode- if we'd had a funeral scene, we would've gotten a much deeper emotional impact from a eulogy, the camera could've panned the gathered guests to show a myriad of former characters we've missed over the years, AND, they could've shown Gibbs in the back, unseen by the guests, paying silent tribute to Ducky. Brian Dietzen said Mark Harmon didn't come back because of 'scheduling conflicts', but as @i-run-with-scissors39 said, they could've filmed it separately at any time, because it would've just been him.

But none of this happened. In fact, what really happened in that episode that was memorable? Besides Tony showing up. (I'll get back to that in a minute.) McGee had 1 flashback, Vance had 1 flashback and Jimmy had 4. Jimmy also had the most screen time and was given the most emotional scenes. A lot of that is understandable- he was the only one left with the strongest connection to Ducky. But there were other people with connections to him, too. And we didn't get to see that. The only person outside of the regular cast of season 21 to show up was Tony. I mean, think about that, just for a second. No character outside of the current squad showed up. Not even Tobias! Instead, they handwaved the work/money (?) involved to make something more meaningful happen by showing flowers and Polaroids.

Even the Crime of the Day fell flat. So some girl we've never met is getting hassled by her college because her dead dad's getting slandered in the press by a senator. A senator who, I guess didn't get arrested at the end? Just stepped down from his position? Why did the senator pick that Marine anyway? (I know he served with him, but what was the point in naming that particular Marine?) And if I see one more reference to someone gifting someone a scholarship fund, I don't know if I'll be able to unroll my eyes. And yes, I know the MCSF was a big thing for David McCallum, so it made sense in this context, but the fact there's a Leroy Jethro Gibbs Scholarship Fund joke almost undermined the whole thing. (Would've been nice if they'd had a link at the end of the episode to the MCSF.)

Instead of this random girl and her dead dad, how about a cold case Ducky was working on? Maybe Jimmy sees it on Ducky's desk (or finds it in the secret spot behind a picture /eyeroll) and decides he's going to solve it. The team wants to help but are sceptical it can be done, but Jimmy's absolutely determined to do it, to the point of almost obsession. It would be his way of putting off dealing with Ducky's death while also making one last connection with him. They end up solving it because one of the flashbacks gives an indirect clue. You know, like Ducky's cryptic message to the team about where to find the nothing file behind the photo in his office. /eyeroll again

I loved the fact that Jimmy never took off his lab coat, even though he didn't do any lab work the entire episode. Him walking around the bullpen in his lab coat solving a case was just... well, I guess that's where the show is now, yeah? Sean Murray didn't want to step forward as the face of the show, so Brian Dietzen did. And you know what? Good for him. It's a hell of an arc over 20 years for him. But whether he meant to or not, he ended up making this episode about him. Every emotional thread went through Jimmy; every emotional moment was Jimmy's. When Diona Reasonover's voice cracked in the bullpen ("Any suggestions as to how to do that?"), it felt like the only real moment given to anyone other than Jimmy. Probably because 3 of the team didn't really know Ducky, so they could only experience the loss through other characters. It's why we got Knight reading Ducky's journal to bring up a Gibbs flashback, and it's why Torres did the same with McGee. It's why Parker was in charge of the flowers or something. And I try to remember they're new when I hear Knight say, "Dying quietly in your sleep isn't the worst way to go." JFC, lady.

I dunno. Kate was on for 2 years and I felt the show handled her death with so much more emotion. Her loss rippled through the team and we felt it because we saw the characters feel it. The Ducky episode was a lot of telling rather than showing, and what showing they did was through Jimmy instead of a handful of the hundreds of people whose lives Ducky touched in 20 years.

Oh, and Tony. Great to see one of the Originals, and Tony, in small doses, can bring the depth the scene needs. But being tacked onto the end of the episode made it fell exactly what it was- a surprise cameo to wow the fans rather than a true nod of respect to Ducky/David.

It should've been more. It could've been more.

[s10127470]

Shipping Ideas: Bart Simpson

I'm pretty sure most of you are familiar with crack-ships.

The act of taking two characters from completely different sources of media (and in some cases, from the same piece of media) and putting them in a romantic relationship.

And while this is largely seen as kind of a joke by most of the Internet, there is a strange beauty to it.

Not only seeing completely different characters being put together, but seeing it done in a way that still stays true to their respective characterizations.

And in some cases, the characters as they're presented in the crack-ship are actually better than where they originated from.

One of, if not, the best case of crack-ships I've seen is from an artist by the name of Flower Cannibal (Iris Lamour).

For the past year, she's been doing a web-comic series titled The BriBob Multiverse.

Set in a weird mish-mashed world where just about every fictional character you can think of co-exists, this series primarily focuses on various same-sex crack-ships pairings.

But the main one is the titular BriBob, which is a ship between Brian Griffin from Family Guy and SpongeBob SquarePants.

This already sounds like an insane and disastrous ship given how drastically different these two are.

But believe or not, it’s actually really engaging.

For starters, there’s the characterization of the two.

SpongeBob is what you would usually expect from him, but Brian is essentially back to his characterization from the earlier seasons, when he wasn’t a egotistical douchebag.

As for how they got together.

We see this happen in the very first part of the comic, where Brian is attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting being held by Steven Universe.

SpongeBob is the last to arrive to the meeting, where he finds himself sitting next to Brian.

The two immediately hit it off, as Brian finds himself drawn to SpongeBob’s bright demeanor.

Though you may be wonder why the hell SpongeBob of all characters is at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Well, this where gets take a real shark turn.

So basically, sometime before the events of the comic, Mr. Krabs DIED and as a result, The Krusty Krab got shutdown.

This led SpongeBob to spiral into a deep depression, and he decided to join AA as he didn’t want his depression to reach to the point where he does become an alcoholic.

Yeah, despite this comic being crossover insanity, it’s also shockingly deep as well.

The reason why these two ended up together is that they’re both aimless souls.

We already know Brian is one (and I appreciate how it’s treated in a way that makes us sympathize with him and instead of trying to make him look like a loser) and SpongeBob now since he’s lost his job (which he loved).

And throughout the comic, we see these two really bringing the best out of each other.

SpongeBob helping Brian keep his spirits up and being his motivation for him to buckle down, and Brian amazing SpongeBob with his intellect and showing nothing but love for his unique quirks.

If you want to check this series out, here are the links to Flower Cannibal's TikTok and Instagram.

But anyway, the reason I'm sharing all of this is because I've gotten into the whole concept of crack-ships.

And in honor of Pride Month, I've decided to start a series where I take a fictional character and choose 4 other characters (2 male and 2 female) that I think they would be really good matches with.

And to start this series off, our very first guest will be the pranking master of Springfield Elementary, the eldest child of the Simpsons family, and the creator of The Bartman: Bart Simpson!

So without further ado, let's get started!

Partner #1: Chuckie Finister (All Grown Up!)

I had to put these two together just because of the fact that they shared the same voice actress: Nancy Cartwright.

Basically, Nancy would be in a relationship with herself!

Talk about self-love!

But apart from that, there is another reason why I think these two would really be a good couple.

AGU Chuckie, although still neurotic and cautious like when he was baby, is shown to be somewhat more courageous and a bit of risk taker, since he doesn't want to be seen as a coward anymore.

And Bart, someone who is courageous and a massive risk talker, would definitely cater to that.

These two would basically be partners-in-crime in a way while also complimenting each other really well.

Bart helps Chuckie become more courageous and stand up for himself, and Chuckie makes sure to reel Bart in so he doesn't take things too far and get them in trouble.

Also, I could totally see this maybe even leading to a potential friendship between Skinner and Pangborn.

They would definitely be the primary targets of this couple's pranks and totally bond over their shared exasperation and frustration towards them.

Partner #2: Sakura Haruno (Naruto)

Now this is a classic!

I'm sure any of you that grew up in the 1990s and 2000s probably remember Nickelodeon Magazine.

Well during the late 2000s, they had this issue that was essentially a parody of the celebrity magazines of the time known as Toon Weekly, which focused on the lives of fictional characters (mainly cartoon, anime and comic book ones) as if they were celebrities.

And in that issue, one of the main articles was that of Bart and Sakura, who are shown to have a surprisingly close friendship in this universe.

And the article possibly hints that they may be more than just friends.

But in all honesty, I could actually see them canonically being a thing.

Although Sakura is primarily compassionate, determined and courageous, she's also incredibly short-tempered and aggressive.

I could actually see Bart being attracted to that.

He definitely strikes me as a guy who, in the words of Spike Spiegel....

As for why Sakura would be into Bart.....

Well, Bart is, in all honesty, is a really kind and caring person.

While yes, he does prank and mess with people a lot.

He is by no means a malicious person and he does know when to stop before things get taken too far.

And he's willing to stand up for others.

Not to mention he's pretty confident, something Sakura exactly wasn't at the beginning.

And since Sakura is an honor roll student, this relationship honestly writes itself!

Sakura would help Bart buckle down and help him think about his future and become the best student he can be instead of coasting on a D- GPA for the rest of his life

And Bart would help Sakura become more confident and far less narcissistic, making her realize that she's already pretty and shouldn't have to worry about what others think. Along with that, Bart would definitely encourage Sakura to hone her ninja skills, which he would find totally cool.

Also, two things to note before we move on.

Bart would definitely have a good future with Sakura. Since let's be real, I think we're all sick of having every potential future for Bart being him ending up as a total loser.

Bart would be a FAR better lover to Sakura than Sasuke ever was. I mean, my God, it isn't that hard of a feat to accomplish.

Partner #3: Cricket Green (Big City Greens)

Now this one literally writes itself.

Cricket is incredibly mischievous and fun-loving, which would jive really well with Bart.

As you expect, the two would definitely be partners-in-crime when it comes to their pranks and antics.

In addition to that, Cricket would just find Bart really cool to hang around and smart due to him being more knowledgeable about the outside world than him, while Bart would find Cricket really endearing and kinda cute because of his optimism.

Also, I just feel the multiple aneurysms coming for Homer and Bill.

Not because they would be against their sons being a couple.

(Well, maybe expect for Homer...)

But because of the absolute mayhem and chaos they would be causing together.

Partner #4: Reggie Rocket (Rocket Power)

We all know Bart is a EPIC SKATER!

So why not give him a love interest whose also an EPIC SKATER as well?

Apart from that, I can just see these two having really strong chemistry.

I’d imagine that Bart would probably gain an interest in the much greater world of extreme sports thanks to Reggie.

Reggie would definitely make sure that Bart doesn’t do something stupid, which she would be a master of thanks to Otto.

I’d could actually see a moment between these two taking place after Reggie saved Bart’s ass from something he caused.

Reggie would be furious and Bart would apologize and try to calm her down.

And I’d imagine it would accumulate with Reggie finally calming down and saying…

“You’re lucky that your cute….”

Also, how do you think Raymundo gonna feel about Bart and Reggie dating?

After dealing with Otto all the time, I’d imagine his tolerance for antics are really fucking low.

Well that’s all I have for now!

Let me know what you guys think about this little series I’ve decided to start and the characters I chose for Bart.

Also if you could, send me some ideas for who you want me to talk about next time!

But until then….

[jgroffdaily]

Willkommen and bienvenue to another round of anonymous Tony voters debating the merits of this year’s nominations, with Stereophonic and Hell’s Kitchen leading the marquees with 13 nominations each. Despite all the mothers, rock-and-roll doyens, and Waystar Royco employees trying to lure us to the Theater District, our two veteran Tony voters aren’t overly enthralled by the season. They think it’s one of the strongest years for plays in recent memory. But for musicals? Eh, maybe some shouldn’t have made the transfer from across the pond. And while Stereophonic and Merrily We Roll Along are destined for further greatness, the voters don’t think being a Hollywood star guarantees an acting trophy. Ahead of the June 16 ceremony at Lincoln Center, they weighed in on where they stand and why.

Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical

Brody Grant — The Outsiders Jonathan Groff — Merrily We Roll Along Dorian Harewood — The Notebook Brian d’Arcy James — Days of Wine and Roses Eddie Redmayne — Cabaret at the Kit Kat Club

Voter 1: There are three exceptional performances in this category. Brody and Brian are extraordinary, but my vote is going to Jonathan. His performance is the best of the year in any category, actually. He manages to make, on paper, a character who might be very unlikable and turn him into a complex human being who makes some pretty awful choices, and yet we understand the humanity behind those choices. It’s a staggering achievement.

Voter 2: My winner is Jonathan. That character is a total jerk the way it’s written, but he makes him completely sympathetic and it’s a beautiful performance. But I do want to say it’s an interesting list of names. I would’ve put money on Brian because that was an amazing performance. I probably would’ve predicted Eddie, even though it was a very divisive performance. I thought it was very stylized. I thought, Okay, you know what? That’s a choice. He was just sort of there for me, but I suspected he would get nominated because it’s one of “those” roles. Brody is saddled with two of the worst wigs on Broadway — he overcame them. The one glaring omission here is the star of Tommy, Ali Louis Bourzgui. That kid is a star. He’s so magnetic. I was enraptured from start to finish and I don’t understand why he’s not included.

Best Revival of a Musical

Cabaret at the Kit Kat Club Gutenberg! The Musical Merrily We Roll Along The Who’s Tommy

Voter 1: Merrily, Merrily, Merrily. I do think it’s disappointing that the one specifically BIPOC musical, The Wiz, was excluded. I’ll say that. I’m disappointed that it was snubbed. But for me, it’s Merrily in a walk. I really liked it downtown and I fucking loved it uptown.

Voter 2: Merrily. It’s always been my favorite. I know it’s the Stephen Sondheim black sheep show, but this is the best production I’ve ever seen and I think it’s the best production you will ever see. It finally works. There’s a lot of good you can say about these four shows, but Merrily is without question the one for me.

Best Performance by a Featured Actor in a Musical

Roger Bart — Back to the Future Joshua Boone — The Outsiders Brandon Victor Dixon — Hell’s Kitchen Sky Lakota-Lynch — The Outsiders Daniel Radcliffe — Merrily We Roll Along Steven Skybell — Cabaret at the Kit Kat Club

Voter 1: This is another great category. I loved Steven and really loved Brandon. I thought both of the guys from The Outsiders were wonderful, but I’m all about Daniel. His delivery of “Franklin Shepard, Inc.” is award-worthy just for that song. Watching him grow as a stage actor has been a privilege. He’s one of the biggest stars in the world and he keeps coming back to the stage. In this production, he just takes it all to another level. It’s spectacular.

Voter 2: I’ll end up going with Daniel, but Steven, oh my God. I’m thinking about his performance and I’m almost crying again. Ron Rifkin won for that role in the last Cabaret revival. It’s definitely one of those roles that gets you noticed. But Tony nominators have had a habit of ignoring Daniel, so I was so happy they nominated him. He’s a fantastic stage actor. This isn’t a brag, but I’ve seen everything he’s done in New York on and off Broadway, and he gets better every time. His “Franklin Shepard, Inc.”? He’s singing the 11 o’clock number at 8:30. Come on. That’s a pretty tall order. Oh, I totally forgot about Back to the Future. I’m surprised Roger got in there.

Best Performance by a Featured Actress in a Musical

Shoshana Bean — Hell’s Kitchen Amber Iman — Lempicka Nikki M. James — Suffs Leslie Rodriguez Kritzer — Monty Python’s Spamalot Kecia Lewis — Hell’s Kitchen Lindsay Mendez — Merrily We Roll Along Bebe Neuwirth — Cabaret at the Kit Kat Club

Voter 1: You won’t be surprised given all my Merrily love, but it’s Lindsay. She recently got married — Jonathan was the officiant and Daniel was the ring bearer. That’s how close they’ve become as friends, and that chemistry and love they have for one another is so evident onstage. Lindsay is really funny and sour; she oozes sarcasm, and yet she allows us to see the pain behind all the armor. In the final Merrily scene, we witness her innocence and her hopefulness in a way that I don’t think anyone sees coming. It’s acting at the highest level.

Voter 2: Even though I love Merrily and Lindsay here, I’m inclined to vote for Kecia for Hell’s Kitchen. I didn’t love the show, but she was one of the reasons I liked it. Oh my gosh, her voice. She anchors the show in a lot of ways. She’s also one of those actors who’s always been around and doing fantastic work. She made her Broadway debut at age 18 in Dreamgirls, playing Effie. This show is just another reminder of her talents. It’s not like we should give Tonys for longevity or lifetime achievement, but I feel like this is just another reminder of, Yes, Kecia is fantastic. That might put me over the top for her.

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls: Season 2, Episode 21, Lorelai's Graduation Day, Part 6

I may be something of a rank amateur as far as how many times I've watched Gilmore Girls (2 times through seasons 1-7, currently in the middle of my 2nd run of seasons 1-4 only) while some people have seen it dozens of times (how do you do it, I'm in awe of you, I love this show but it drains my life force). I may be a walking encylopedia of stupid knowledge about Luke and Jess (like how Luke actually serves Folgers coffee and Apartment Jess in season 4 has a Recycling On Tuesday sticky note on his fridge) but I've had to look up basic-bitch things about Rory and Lorelai like why there is so much bootleg merchandise that says "Copper Boom". My point is that with every viewing, I learn a lot. Right now I'm learning that my memory is a shady bitch. She's been tricking me into thinking many of the episodes I remembered as hunky dory "Comfort episodes" from beginning to end were not. The reality is this: the beginning of many episodes are innocent enough, the "favorite/comfort" is actually just some small portion in the middle, and the last 10-15 minutes are a shit tornado of epic proportions and almost without exception due to Lorelai and/or Dean’s fuckery (example: There's the Rub). MY POINT IS, I do have a vague memory of how this episode ends and I anticipate that while it won't be the worst Last 15 Minutes Shit Tornado I'm hoping it won't wash the sweet sweet taste of Literati StepCousin Wiener Tasting In The City out of my mouth right quick. EDIT after finishing the episode: It was not rage-inducing at all. It was fine. Lorelai barely even talked because Rory wouldn't let her get a word in edgewise. It was just ridiculous and went on too long. Read more at the end of the post. Due to it's lack of fuckery, one minute each of Dean and Christopher, and Lorelai's lack of interference, StepCousins In The City can hold it's trophy aloft and retain its standing as my favorite Gilmore Girls episode of all time.

That was pointless and disgusting and it goes on through the entire graduation. And yeah, that's the dude who voices all the characters on Family Guy, Seth MacFarlane. Pretty much just playing one of his characters. With his Brian Griffin voice which is really just his normal voice. Charming. Did you know Family Guy was one the first shows to be revived after it was canceled due to overwhelming demand from fans? The Network was like "if it'll shut ya'll up we'll bring the damn thing back." I was a biiiiiig Family Guy fan in the early 2000's, spent countless hours on FG message boards and added my momentum to the campaign. The network listened. They bought it back. It was horrible. I never watched it again. AHEM.

Thanks a lot, Family Guy. And I’m sorry that I took part in the first successful revival campaign for a canceled tv show. I could not know the domino effect it would have. Alright, my memory is failing me again. I cannot for the life of me recall how Rory ends up missing Lorelai's graduation. I don't think she got on the wrong bus (Jess would never let her). Does the bus break down? Oh, how I love playing Memory Roulette.

So there's one single road leading out of New York City into all surrounding states, and a single accident will prevent “all” busses from leaving the state? Thousands of people are being held hostage over one car crash? That won’t be pretty. I feel like her best option would be to take the train. A taxi would be too expensive, but Jess knows how to drive, so maybe Liz has a car. Steal her car. I just feel like there are alternatives than being held hostage in a stinky bus. Back at the graduation, Family Guy and his girlfriend continue yelling at each other to shut up and die and then they bully Lorelai for having wealthy parents. This is community college. I am an alumni of a county college myself. Many classes would be half empty by the end of the semester as people constantly dropped out (especially night classes). There were some bumps in the road so it took me 3 years to get my 2 year Associates degree, and I was proud of myself for finishing. I didn't pursue any more education after that; but the graduation ceremony was small because most people were transferring to a four year school and they didn't see the point, I guess, of bothering with a graduation ceremony halfway into their college career. Nobody lived at school so your personal connections to your classmates were loose at best. My point is no college adult would ever give a damn about some total stranger's parents to the point they're going to openly bully them AND their friends. I just wanted to graduate and be done with school forever. We’re adults, we all wanna go home. Family Guy is picking on Sookie and Jackson for their "expensive" clothes now. Joke's on you Family Guy, Lorelai runs the Independence Inn where all three of them are employed and she pays them both in beans.

This is what I say any time someone compliments my outfit. Lorelai's face is priceless.

Sometimes this show makes me feel old. This time, I feel young. Because I'm nearly 40, and still too young to know squat about pagers. I grew up in the same Gilmore Girls timeline where certain people (but not everyone) had primitive cellphones, but I don't remember anyone with a pager. I wasn't aware that pagers could get any sort of texts that communicated "I'm running late." . So I had to jump down another GoogleHole . The answer is yes, they were capable of sending and recieving alphanumeric messages, and since the mid 90's, to boot.

Ahhh, love to see her amongst the commoners.

She misses her cousin, okay? You don't have to remind her. Please do not talk to unaccompanied teenage girls on public transportation and tell them to smile, you pervert. He informs Rory that she got on a Local bus, which is why it's taking so long and making a lot of stops, while the bus she took into the city was an Express that doesn't make stops. Okay, you know what, I actually blame Jess for this. I literally just said "Jess would never let Rory get on the wrong bus." And what did he do? Screwed his cousin. Figuratively. It's not the wrong route, but given that he's aware she needed to be home on time to see Lorelai’s graduation, how important it was to Rory, and with him knowing that little miss "can I eat a hot dog on the subway" was under his supervision as a born and bred New Yorker to get on the correct bus to get home in time, well Jess, you fucked up. Jess Mariano's second fuck up is that Rory clearly has some way of communicating with Lorelai, and if Little Mister Walmart had a cellphone, she could have disembarked the bus, called or messaged him, and he could have directed her to the right bus or given her advice on alternate modes of transportation.

You should have, but it's still your cousin's fault. You're making lengthy conversation with strange men on the bus. You're too naive. You can't be trusted in a big city by yourself. She also listed two scenarios where if this were only a couple of years later, having a smartphone to check traffic and schedules would have changed the entire course of the episode. Because We're still on season 2, where you can't show someone drinking a beer and Rory goes to house parties thrown by popular kids where they only drink "imported sodas", this guy is using his beer can for his spit and not to drink. At least by the end of season 3 (KegMax) beer is finally a thing which exists and that wayward youth are seen indulging in.

Family Guy continues to bully Lorelai for being "rich" even moments before she gets her degree. This isn't funny and is in fact quite nauseating and awful.

Yayy. We spot Emily holding back tears during Lorelai's graduation, but afterwards she can only a muster up this ol chestnut: "Congratulations. Hope Raul got some pictures. Welp see ya tomorrow, we gotta go." Okay, okay, this is the worst graduation in history. Mr and Mrs Asshole Family Guy bully you the entire time, your daughter doesn't show up because she's dilly dallying all over New York City shoving wieners in her mouth with your punk future-nephew, you didn't want your parents to show up in the first place because you feel like you'd only disappoint them, but they show up anyway because their grand daughter went behind your back to invite them, then they make a spectacle only to tell you "congratulations" and then try to leave. And to break Lorelai's heart even further, in a few moments she'll find out that Dean Forrester's on his way to being moldy old Wonderbread to Rory and Jess is...the new fancy organic expensive bread from the good supermarket outside of Stars Hollow. Look, she's due for some pretty bad karma but maybe this is a skosh too much at once.

Put it towards therapy.

Certainly not stuck on the wrong bus because her chaperone couldn't be trusted.

Oh Rory you're SO BONED.

Back at home... L: Whatever kept you, whatever you were doing you should have gotten out of it just this once. Was it school? Was it Paris? Oh boy Lorelai I hope you're ready for a real doozy. Anyway, we're finally down to the last four minutes of the episode which is the entire length of Rory's rambling, over the top groveling/ apology.

Hey, that might be enough time to get Dean off your back. Tell her you went to see Jess. DO IT.

"After he called me last night, that phone call... it DID SOMETHING TO ME. I'm ill! I'm sick!" Girl, I feel you. I get it. I get it. Come here. Give me a hug. Rory's groveling is so desperate and pitiful that Lorelai looks utterly reasonable. She is just standing there shaking her head, because let's face it, she's already had one hell of a night so what's one more cherry on top of the shit sundae that was her graduation?

How could I resist? "I can't believe Icut school when finals are coming up to go see a guy who isn't my guy and end up missing my mother's graduation!" But you did it, you were brave, you followed your dear little heart, and I'm proud of you. And the groveling goes on on and on...the stinky bus...the guy with the spit can...she's so sorry...please ground her and make her wash the dishes for a year...she's so sorry...she's stupid and dumb and "girly" for being so impulsive...this isn't her...what a dumb selfish stupid non thinking freak she is...

Uh…

L: "Maybe you don't have a medical condition or a mental problem, maybe you're just falling for Jess." I love Jess, but making the decision to get involved with him DOES involve some level of mental problems, it's pretty much a requirement. The same goes for Rory, who is also deeply fucked up but just better at concealing it. Star crossed lovers, bound by fate, dirty hot dogs, the stars above, the marriage of his uncle to her mother, and loads of familial trauma. Rory-O and Jess-Iet.

Rory, you're a terrible liar. Work on that.

That's it! FOREVER! She adds. Said every 17 year old about some asshole pig boy they dated in high school. It's gonna last forever, Mom! But with the way he weaves in and out of her life for over five years, this is sadly closer to accurate than I like to think about. If Lorelai had a crystal ball or called Miss Cleo she could see into the future and rest easy knowing Jess and Rory only date for like 7 months. But she'd also find out she was going to marry into Jess' family and she would have to see Jess for the rest of her natural life and he would call her Aunt Lorelai at every chance he got just to get under her skin. The universe has a way of evening these things out.

Rory keeps up the pathetically transparent "I love Dean! Dean Dean Dean! Jess is gone. Evaporated. Jess? Jess who? I'm not in love with my cousin!" charade but Lorelai isn't buying it. Ladies and gentlemen, she's still going. And now she has a list. While she was on the Stinky Bus she wrote a list of all the ways she's going to make up for her transgression. She is now going to read the items on the list to Lorelai. One by one. This is surely not the most insufferable ending in gilmore girls history but it's one of those scenes that could have been cut down to half the time. Four minutes of Rory's incessant groveling felt like 30 minutes. Lorelai just looks at Rory as she goes off the deep end, not angry at her but sympathetic and bewildered as her daughter begs to be beaten and suffocated. Oh, and Rory left the Go Go's record she bought for Lorelai on the bus. The end.

[britingotmywholeheart]

I asked @britinbliss for their favorite britin scenes and also for their favorite qaf scenes in the whole show, and I am sooo happy that they answered, and they asked me to answer the questions too, so here we are.

My favorite britin scenes:

5. I really love their first time sex scene cause it was so intense and just beautiful and really hot. Especially, I love the rim-job Brian gave Justin. It was so beautiful when Brian's tongue runs over Justin's back and a small drop of sweat caught on her. And Justin moaning when Brian's tongue got in his ass was just so intense. I love it!

4. The pride party scene at the end of the pride episode is sooo beautiful. Justin accepted who and how Brian is and wanted to leave, so Brian can do what he wants to do, but Brian just wanted to dance with Justin is such a huge step in their relationship. "Hey stud, wanna dance with me?" "Shut up." "I promise you won't forget this one." makes me giggling and smiling every time cause it is just so cute and beautiful. Brian would literally do anything for Justin, and we see this in season two. Season five is so far away, but we can see that Brian really cares about Justin and loves him. Brian is just proud of Justin cause he made it. He showed his pride and he got over the thing with Chris Hobbs. Brian taught Justin so much and this scene shows this and is just lovely.

3. Of course, I really love the scene in s5 ep10 where Brian says "I love you." for the first time. I cried so much when I first saw it because we all waited so long for this moment, and it was soooo beautiful. Brian showed Justin that he loves him for five seasons (not straight lol) but when he said it a new era began.

2. Also, one of my favorite scenes is when Brian brought Justin to Britin and said he would do anything and be anyone to prove Justin that he loves him and that he meant it when he said he wants to marry him. The best part of this scene is when Justin said, "You bought this! This Palace!" and is totally in shock and Brian just answered "It's for my Prince." And when they made love on the floor in front of the fireplace, I was crying again.

1. My all-time favorite scene is their reunification in season three. How they are laughing and smiling while kissing and undressing each other is so beautiful. I can see that Brian missed Justin so much, and he wants him back soo badly. I just love this. And how they dance after this in Babylon is just perfect. Ben was so right when he said, "The biggest reunion since Germany" (which is so meaningful and funny to me because I am German). But I can not stay with my top five, cause my second all-time favorite scene is when Brian and Justin are celebrating that they betrayed Stockwell (of course they are celebrating with sex) and got interrupted by Stockwell and Gardner Vance. The sex in this scene was so intense and how they undressed each other was just beautiful. But what I also like about this scene is that Brian said "Wanna finish?" after Stockwell and Gardner Vance were gone. He doesn't seem to be mad about Justin and what happened. He wanted to go back to Justin and fuck his brains out like he always does, cause he hates it to get interrupted when he has his time with Justin.

To write down my top five was really difficult cause I love nearly all the britin scenes the show gives us, but I tried.

My favorite scenes from the show in general:

5. I really love the scene in s3 ep14 when everyone at Liberty Avenue is celebrating that Stockwell lost the election and Mel and Lindsey had their absolutely cute moment. They were sooo happy together, and I loved them very much in that scene. I also love the britin scene in the last moments of season three when Brian said, "I guess I've lost everything." And Justin answered, "Not everything." to show Brian, he will stay with him no matter what happens.

4. I also really enjoyed the scene in s1 ep1 when Daphne asked Justin where he was, and he just said, "I saw the face of god! His name is Brian Kinney." This scene is so funny but also shows how much Justin felt in love with Brian after one, okay two times, they had sex.

3. And you're right! I love the scenes where the whole group of friends helped for Mel´ and Lind's wedding. It was such so beautiful how they all worked together and Mel was soo happy about this. In my opinion, she wanted to hug Brian, but she knew it would be awkward for both of them, so she just smiled and punched him softly.

2. I really liked much of the scenes with Emmett and George. In my opinion they were a good and cute mature couple. And Emmett was so tough with the thing with George's money to give the whole money back to his awful family just to make his point clear.

1. I really don't like Cody Bell and what he made Justin do, but I love his little argument in the church with the reverent. "What's your point, young man?" "I believe the point is, if you can eat shrimp, we can eat cock!" I love this quote. It's so on the point and so true.

My favorite episode:

I would say my favorite episode in the show is s2 ep9, cause in serious times it's nice to watch it and just laugh about it. This whole episode is just funny and nice. The beginning where Brian fucks the reverent is so cool, cause in first place I thought Brian is just fucking around as always, but then he leans to the side and kisses Justin. And Micheal says they have a date night. Their definition of a date night is so cool. And then the whole thing with Ted taking viagra and the conversation on Mel´and Linds´ veranda, "What do you mean, you still have an erection?!" "Thank you, CNN!" is just so hilarious. Brian's idea to spook Ted's penis and when he said Mel and Lindsay should show him their tits to turn him of is soo funny. And after that, the scene where Justin and Brian really stole Teds viagra and are fucking for the tenth time this day and their conversation "I can't believe you're fucking me again." "It was your idea to steal Ted's viagra." is so fucking hilarious, too. The whole thing with Brian's mum is so shitty, and I hate Joan so much that it's actually funny again. How Brian holds his hands in front of his erection, so his mum can not see it, is so funny. I just love everything about this episode, so I should stop.

I could write so much more about other (favorite) episodes, so I should stop. It's too much.

I hope you all can understand what I wrote in here. English is not my first language, but I really try.