#but if they intend to build up interest beforehand then this is a nice way to go

[yume-fanfare]

im honestly really excited abt knowing more about this green boy i feel like it's a slowburn in getting to know him

[menacing-anon]

I’m kicking off my set of posts on season 1 overall, especially as an adaptation, with this one about structure, additions and omissions.

Alice mentioned somewhere on Tapas that she initially intended for Heartstopper to be a novel, but showing events in the characters’ lives without escalating and resolving overarching conflicts was better suited to a webcomic. The show changed it to allow that, and I think they really pulled it off! I have a long explanation in me about how pretty much every issue I’ve seen people have with Love, Simon doesn’t happen in the novel, and I believe most of them are the result of adaptation to cinematic convention, so it’s inextricable from my thoughts about adaptation across mediums and my go-to example of it being at the expense of the story. Heartstopper, on the other hand, is a nice example of retaining a good and similar story while staying in keeping with the TV season format.

What’s also super interesting is that the changes can be subtle and add up, because the show has a lot of the same scenes, in the same order, sometimes even with almost identical dialogue, but the adjustments they make collectively shift the story. That’s also why they’re easier to notice when looking at the whole season. The best example might be Charlie’s apparent low self-esteem: there are multiple instances of Charlie being down on himself added to scenes of the comic. Here are my posts on how the two versions of Nick and Charlie individually are different.

The show kind of stretches the comic: it often takes a couple scenes and has a whole episode surrounding them. I would say that its additions do a few things that all come down to fleshing out the story: they, a, build plotlines more gradually, b, develop and escalate conflicts, and c, take the opportunity to further explore major themes. I’ll elaborate on each 🙂

With regards to the more spacious buildup, it’s things like all the fuss surrounding Tara before she comes out to Nick, and it can be a little fillery. In the comic, Tao tells Charlie that he heard Nick likes a Tara Jones from Higgs, and the next we hear of her is when Harry meddles at his party. And that works. So, strictly speaking, Charlie asking Elle to find out whether Tara likes Nick, Tara coming out to Elle and thus also the viewers beforehand, Elle reassuring Charlie, and Harry and Christian discussing Nick’s opportunity to talk to Tara are not indispensable — they’re just other events surrounding the ones that give us key information. However, this type of additions let us spend more time with and get to know the characters, which is awesome, and the greatest benefit from it probably comes to Taoelle. In the chapters of the comic corresponding to season 1, we only see them together at the bowling alley, and most of their romance is just direct characterization: other people note that they like each other a couple times. In the show, we get to see a lot of them together, their romantic storyline is set up and progresses, and there are scenes dedicated to it.

In terms of brewing conflicts, I’d say the conflicts in question are with Nick’s mates, Tao’s concerns, and Charlie’s insecurity. For instance, Nick actually undoes telling off Harry at the party, so Harry can stay the crux of Nick’s social pressure. But honestly, this whole storyline is one of the biggest changes from the comic, I think: it’s really relevant in the show, it’s almost The conflict, but it barely exists in the source material. Tao’s conflict, too, is way more significant. Both call for their own posts, linked here for Nick's friends and here for Tao. And most of the aforementioned post about Charlie could work as an elaboration on the third one. Anyway, they all reach boiling points in the last two eps of the season, unlike the comic, which moves pretty uniformly. There’s also Ben’s little comeback, which might’ve been intended as part of Charlie’s crisis, but then I think it could’ve been executed more effectively, since what Ben threw at him wasn’t really what Charlie was worrying about. It may also have been thrown in for structure in its own right. Show seasons and movies often have a low point where every storyline has gone to s***, then they’re resolved one by one; Ben Benning again pulls the show closer to the rockest possible bottom and creates another step to take up.

Finally, about exploring themes, I’m mainly thinking about Tara’s coming out storyline. The show has a mostly closeted LGBTQ+ character other than Nick and an opportunity to show, through her, other experiences related to coming out. And I’m glad they do! Here’s a post about me really liking how the season explores coming out 😅 The storyline with Imogen, which is entirely new, can also be seen as fleshing out the major theme, because it slots cleanly into the expectations and pressures Nick faces; and maybe secondarily as bulking up an existing conflict, because it fans the Tao flame.

Through all three types of additions, most characters get to be if not more impactful, then more present than in the comic. Isaac is about equally present to Aled, whom he kind of replaces, Elle makes many more appearances and actually has some influence on the plot, and Tao is waaay more involved. While Darcy hasn’t really gotten her own focus, her participation does increase along with Tara’s, who has an episode that notably explores her coming-out. Heck, even Harry and Ben have more to do.

I’ll touch on omissions briefly, because I don’t think there are many, but they did take some useful and really interesting stuff out for no clear reason, I thought. I’m pretty much just thinking of Tao in the bathroom explaining that he’s as worried as he is about Nick pulling something because Charlie was bullied really hurtfully and Tao was powerless to fix it. This definitely would’ve made it easier to see Tao’s desperation as coming from a place of hurt and fear. But also, Nick in response to that conversation saying that he wishes he had done something about it at the time, and Tao noticing that Nick is flirting with Charlie and doubting the sincerity of that, not their friendship in general. But perhaps most significantly, Christian, Sai and Otis — acronymed, that can make COS, so I call them collectively Cosine (or… Co-Sai-ne?) — blur into the other mates in the show. HOWEVER, credit where credit is very much due, you can see them being uncomfortable in the cinema in the show too,

so I assume they’ll be back and this is some great attention to detail for the retrospect. In that case, though, there will be an unnatural spike in their involvement: they would be apologizing to Nick and starting to be treated as his friends shortly after the viewers learn their names.

[spacehead1127]

The mysteries of the world

Nobody will ever see my blog about random rambles lmao it’s as if it’s set to private but it’s out in the open waiting for someone to find it. Nice B) I like talking to a wall. 

Read or not, I’m still gonna put my thoughts out anyway. If anyone ever sees this, enjoy! :D Or if you don’t like reading, just ignore this. Or if you disagree with anything I say, feel free to point out your views if you want. I like discussing with people and attempting to understand different perspectives. I’m open to any criticism as long as it’s constructive. Thank you! 

Without further ado, for today’s topic it’s gonna involve my philosophical ass heh. If that’s what you would call it. 

This is a PART 2 of my text-podcast thing: go to my blog to see more!

As humans we have always been questioning the world: why and how it came to be. Thus, many millennia ago, humans started creating answers to the world that our human brains can comprehend and so, we would just follow it. And this is what we call, religion, to this day. We may or may not ever know the true secrets of the world, and I have a feeling it’s best to leave some questions unanswered for the sake of our sanity. 

Disclaimer before I continue: if what I am about to say may offend or hurt you in any way, I truly do not intend to do that and I apologise beforehand if I have. I am trying to come from a neutral perspective about the topics of religion and I genuinely do not mean any harm to anyone for their beliefs. Though I will admit, I may seem biassed because of my experiences that shaped my perspectives, but once again, I do not mean any harm. 

1. Being neutral

Personally, I grew up in a Buddhist background but I consider myself an atheist. I will get to that in a moment. The general definition of atheists is that they do not believe in any gods. There are some definitions out there that mean “atheism is a denial of gods”. For me, I don’t reject the thought about it but rather I just don’t have the belief, in a neutral way. No negativity about it at all. In fact, I find religions interesting and I’m grateful there are so many people out there who can learn moral values from their religions to be the best version of themselves, and I’m happy for them for that. I’m happy for the society as a whole to have a positive upbringing for their children. 

There’s this argument out there that people say you can’t be neutral and you have to “pick a side” if not you don’t know what’s “right” and what’s “wrong”. I have to respectfully disagree with that. Personally, I don’t think you have to believe in anything to be a good person. I don’t think your beliefs have to be permanent, either. Because I think as humans we should thrive for growth and change. Of course not all the time for the sake of it, but in healthy ways. “Healthy” as in not hurting others, and not hurting yourself. 

I don’t believe in “good” and “bad” or “right” and “wrong”. I think humans can be complex and that’s what makes us beautiful. But of course I do believe in positivity and negativity in the world. There are definitely ups and downs in everything, and that’s okay. I accept that. Nothing in the world is perfect after all, and life is a journey. But if you ask me what is the one thing I believe in? The Sun. I believe in Science. I believe in Life. I am forever curious about the whys and the hows of the world. I think it is great to question and learn. I love learning! It is such a beautiful process. 

I’ll get to why I consider myself an atheist. Of course I do have my own values in life and opinions about things. And it’s all shaped by my experiences I’ve had. As much as humans can build, we can also destroy. For me, I lost my beliefs in any religion mostly because of the people in it which includes my family. I have no issue with any religion itself at all, and I believe religions would never teach humans to bring harm to anyone for any reason whatsoever. But sadly where I’m from, there are so many people who bring intentional harm and claim that it’s because of their religion. And I really do not believe in that. I may be wrong. I think it’s the people who ruin it. It’s usually the people who alter the “words of god” just to make them their own. I know that I am touching sensitive topics here, forgive me. If there really are religions out there who teach us to do harm to anyone at all, then I apologise, because I am against that idea. I’m not against you who believe in it, but the idea itself. I may sound pessimistic for focusing on that part of religions but personally I am happier having my own beliefs and values as myself. The other thing I disagree about most religions is how they force their religion onto you. There were even wars that began just because of the differences in our beliefs. I may sound rude and hypocritical; but why can't we respect each other’s beliefs and mind our own business? (I’m aware I’m not minding my own business, just saying this for the sake of this topic lol) Is it necessary to promote religions in such a way that brings violence and war? Isn’t religion supposed to give humans hope in life? Have we lost all meaning for life? 

Though I do have several things I agree with certain religions and things I admire about them. Like for Buddhism, I agree with how desire and dissatisfaction can really screw up our lives. And how by practising gratitude can bring us happiness. It’s just for my family, they seem to be a more… toxic positivity (?) kind of vibe with Buddhism. They would be so close minded sometimes and strictly stereotype people as “bad” and “good”: “good is good” so we must always reward “the good” and “bad is bad” so we’ll continue kicking them into the dirt and let them rot in hell. Bro. What. Aren’t you going to help them? They also seem so hypocritical all the time because of how they say they are kind and all-giving and full of gratitude but they really are not aware of things like how mental illnesses are a real problem. If you have social anxiety and depression, they’d think you are a “bad” person for your, let’s say, pessimistic and needy behaviour but wouldn’t consider helping you. Asian parents. Amirite. Anyway. Another thing I absolutely admire about monotheistic religions is how disciplined they are. I admire how Muslims pray 5 times a day and how they dress so modestly and value cleanliness. Not just for their God but indirectly I love that they are also doing it for themselves. It is truly admirable. And I’m saying this as an atheist, their faith in Allah is beautiful, really. I’m happy for them. I’m from southeast Asia, so where I’m from there are a lot of races and religions mixed together. Although not everything is perfect and it doesn’t mean there is absolutely no racism and prejudice around here, I can still say that among us civilians, we’re pretty comfortable around each other and it’s a nice experience having friends of different races and cultures.

2. War and peace

Consider me a pacifist, because I really do not believe in war. Hatred and negativity will honestly get us nowhere. Why hate on things when you can respect and love? Isn’t it tiring to hate? I have been on the hating end and trust me it is very exhausting. In the end, I was only bringing myself down and affecting my own life. But for war, I can understand how messy it can be and the pain and suffering that came from it. Although war can be so immature. Sometimes things just happen and there isn't really anyone to blame it for. What’s happened, happened. Passing on blame to anyone for all our miseries isn't really going to solve anything, we’re just gonna continue dividing society even more than it already is. 

Which brings me back to the topic about being neutral. I hate how people force us to “pick a side” and if you don’t, you’re an enemy to them. (I am using the word “hate” lightly. It’s to the situation as a whole, not the people themselves) And apparently you’re also an oppressor by just letting it happen. I agree with that but only to a certain extent. Since war can be so immature, picking a side at all is gross. Why are you even trying to divide yourselves further? Let go of your ego and take a big step back and see the full picture. In the end I don’t think it’s even about winning or losing anymore, because war is a loss for everyone. Nobody can leave the battleground unscathed one way or another. War always brings destruction. Having a mindset that you can only destroy to create is just… screwed up. I’m sorry. I am being as nice as possible about this and this is where I stand my ground if you want to disagree with me on that one. 

In light of recent news and happenings, the Israel-Hamas situation. If you ask me, I’ve seen plenty of both sides. Overall? It’s exhausting. I think it’s so heartbreaking to see people tear each other apart. And it’s even more heartbreaking to see the ones who never asked for this war to get hurt. Ironic how an atheist is saying this, but I do pray for the situation to get better for them.

Unpopular opinion, but: I think some things in the world are meant to be divided forever. It is near impossible to ever get all humans to come together and not start conflict because of our differences in race, culture, religion, gender, ideologies, opinions, preferences, status, age, it will just go on and on. Even if we one day come to an understanding of each other enough to give each other respect and equality, I don’t think we can ever see each other the same because of how different we are. Humans want to be unique. And that’s okay. I don’t believe there is a real solution to peace. I am not being pessimistic about it, I am speaking realistically. The world is too divided to be ever brought back together; it is very complicated. But maybe that’s just the way things are meant to be. It’s just human nature. And of course I’m not being miserable about it, I am accepting it and living with it. Through my past experiences, I’ve learnt to shove down my ego whenever necessary and I’ve learnt to show people respect no matter who they are. The world is never perfect, but that’s okay. It’s all the more that makes the world interesting. Even if we ever have world peace, wouldn’t life be boring? There wouldn’t be a journey and lessons to learn from opposing point of views. Life would be too perfect and empty. Just like without light, there wouldn’t be darkness. But that’s just my opinion about it, and I’d like to hear yours :) 

3. Conclusion

My personal philosophies are,

We are all the same as a human species. We all have experiences, feelings, memories and opinions of our own—we all need to shit, eat and sleep everyday with a roof over our heads. And with that, there’s nothing else that should divide us anymore. Be grateful life is even a gift to us all. 

Love whoever you want to love, love whatever you want to love. As long as you’re not hurting anyone in the process including yourself, and as long as you’re truly happy. 

I believe the best way to live life is going with the flow of it with an open heart. Life may bring so many surprises, and there are so many things in this world that are temporary. Nothing is permanent, so be open to changes and live in the moment while learning from your past and embracing the future.

Everything needs balance. There is no in between. Don't do too much of one thing and too little of another. Stay in the middle or anywhere just right for you and you might just find peace.

This is getting long haha. I didn’t really plan out what I wanted to write, but I had some ideas in mind. I just went with the flow of my thoughts. I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading till the end. And once again, I sincerely apologise if my words have hurt or offended you in any way. 

Have a great rest of the day ahead!  ♡ฅ(ᐤˊ꒳ฅˋᐤ♪)

[escape-rock-bottom]

Journal #25 - I'm Not Supposed to be Here (Discomfort Challenge Journal)

This is an interesting fact that I didn’t actually know until I was watching a random YouTube video a while ago: You can apparently take house tours for houses you can’t even afford and they won’t bother to check beforehand if you can. You can literally find a nice place, set a tour date and time or attend an open house, and no one will say a dang thing about it. However, I still got the feeling I would be lying or trespassing in some way. I was still curious though.

When I was setting my discomfort challenges, I remembered this. Since it was in line with my future goals (gotta know where you’re moving to before you actually do so) I set a discomfort challenge to do this. I found an apartment complex that interested me in an ideal future price range that I actually could afford given my income goals. However, I definitely hesitated to set the date until far later in the month.

Originally, I just intended to do this as a way to face my fear of searching for apartments to move into as I have been getting overwhelmed with the thought of where to move. I figured I should start looking just to get an idea of where I would possibly move once I began making the necessary income since I had no clue where I could possibly go. To me, it’s important that I do plan for big commitments such as this. Walking up to the building was nerve-wracking. I tried to remember the saying “look like you’re supposed to be there and you won’t be questioned” and put on my best “I have business to attend to” demeanor. I eased up when I was met with only kindness and understanding as I informed them I was there for a tour. All my fears of being out of place melted away and I genuinely enjoyed the tour (Lemme say this, that was one siiiiiiiick apartment complex. I actually really like it but I don’t know about the location. Anyways-)

I didn’t expect that walking out of those doors I would have discovered something new and powerful. I remember hearing someone mention it on YouTube once, but it wasn’t originally the motivation behind the challenge. While an outlandish, potentially unrealistic idea, it made sense:

Physically put yourself in the place you wish to be in the future. Pretend you are your future self.

There is some insane power behind test driving your dream car, touring potential dream homes, and planning your ideal life by looking through catalogs and making dream boards. No joke, stepping into that building, I began imagining myself living there (and being able to effortlessly afford it) and as we walked through I pictured what I’d do and how I’d feel being there.

I know I wouldn’t be able to afford it right now, but think about it: If I set my goal to make the kind of income to afford this kind of thing, and take action towards it, where could that possibly get me? 

I do think this idea is worth its own deep dive, but for now, I will leave you with this food for thought: Think about where you wish to be in the future. It can be a financial thing, a material thing, a mental thing, or a general desire. Try to see if you can put yourself in that place physically. Want to work towards a shiny new Ferrari? Test drive one. Be aware of the feeling of driving and looking at it. Pretend it’s already yours. When you leave, remember those feelings and make your plan of action. 

There’s power in imagination and emotion. The more feelings and imaginative reality you attach to your goals, the more likely you will be to stay focused and take action for it. I know for sure visiting that apartment complex only made me want it more, and it reignited my drive to work towards it. I will try my best to keep that alive until one day I’m writing these blog posts from my very own home with my very own stable income, then I’ll be hopping into my very own car to meet my new, cool friends.

Lastly, don’t let anyone tell you you’re nuts for looking into things you can’t afford or have but wish to. There’s a difference between delusion and dreaming, and I’m pretty sure it’s not delusional to want to work towards nice things for yourself.

[obeiii-mee]

Can I angst for Mammon where he is in a really bad mood and his brothers are at it again calling him names. And already ask them kindly to leave him alone but they keep at it. And Levi says something and it's the last straw. The air around them get cold for a moment as he slowly looks up and he flat out threatens them to shut up before he puts them back into there place with a really dark and threatening voice, before leaving. And the look could rival Satan's or even Lucifers glare.

I think Mammon takes the abuse of his brothers but sometimes he isn't in the mood and want a little peace and it is very very rare for him to get pissed

Like he's the kind of person who would yell when he's upset but when he's down right pissed it's like really fucking scary

People forget that as much as he lets his brothers push him around he is still the second oldest and is powerful so 😬

Brothers+ undateables reaction

Mammon snaps:

___________________

This is something I’ve mentioned in previous posts, but I basically second everything you said. I believe that Mammon dislikes getting into confrontations but isn’t by any means weak or stupid. He is the second eldest. However he is also, arguably, the one with the most self control out of them all. He has an overwhelming amount of patience when it comes to his siblings and I like to think he puts up with all of their insults because he loves them. Then again, it’s very possible for him to go berserk after years worth of build up.

Thanks for the request!!! I had a bit of trouble at first because I didn’t know how I was going to format it but I like the way it turned out so I hope you do too. Uhh also I reached my word limit writing this so I couldn’t include Simon, Luke and Solomon. I do plan on writing for them as well but at this point I’m just trying to get this done. Let me know if I made any grammatical errors! I double check my writing all the time but sometimes mistakes got over my head! The undateables are short because honestly I view the brothers as the ones who will suffer the most out of everyone. I hope you enjoy reading it anyway!!

•Characters: Lucifer, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphagour, Diavolo, Barbatos.

⚠️Warnings: Cursing, mentions of blood & gore and that’s about it.

___________________

For the past few months, Lord Diavolo’s pleasure of hosting parties and inviting people over had become more and more noticeable. It was pretty obvious that the Prince was lonely, isolating himself from others due to the responsibilities he has as the heir to the throne and a leader in the making. Attending his gatherings seemed like a down right chore for most of the brothers but you never had any problem tagging along. Besides, it felt nice knowing he seemed you worthy of coming to such important meetings. Your seven demons were, of course, also invited and per Lucifer’s orders, they all got cleaned up and dressed in fancy clothing to impress the regals prancing about the castle. Though the outfits themselves came with their own set of problems. Levi’s was way too tight; the collar seemed to annoy him more than anything else, judging by the patches of red skin on his neck. Satan accidentally ripped one of the buttons from his jacket off in a fit of rage earlier that day and was now silently fuming while poking his finger through the hole he made. Even Asmo spilled some water on his shirt before they arrived, ruining his pretty pink suit! Not to mention Beel was munching on his tie, having last eaten about 15 minutes beforehand. Lucifer pulled it out of his mouth and scowled at the saliva stains that were left behind. Safe to say they were all in a miserable mood to begin with.

“I expect all of you to behave in a respectable manner,” Lucifer flicked Belphie on the back of the head just as he began dozing off, making the youngest growl at him. He shot Mammon an irritated look “I’m especially talking to you Mammon. Don’t try to steal anything or I’ll cut your hands off.”

“I told ya big bro, ya don’t have to worry about me! I’ll be a golden child today! Promise!” Mammon held up his pinky as if he was committing to some kind of oath. The eldest darkened his glare and opened his mouth to say something else, but you interrupted in hopes of avoiding any bickering that might’ve followed.

“Look, there’s our table! Let’s go sit down. Lord Diavolo’s speech is going to start any minute now.”

Beel leaped at the table as soon as he sniffed out the appetisers, which were neatly arranged on the expensive tablecloth, shoving at least half of them in his mouth by the time the rest of you caught up with him. Having been seated, you quickly glanced around the room in hopes of spotting Diavolo. You bumped into Solomon and the angels before entering the castle, chit chatting with them for a while about the event. Even now, Luke was excitedly waving at you from across the room, using both of his arms. However, Lord Diavolo and Barbatos were the ones in charge of this party and you were yet to see either of them.

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Mammon eyeing the golden utensils laid out in front of him. Not the biggest of surprises really. Anytime Mammon sees something along the lines of gold, he can’t help but snatch it away. And there’s obviously so many valuables scattered all over the place, including the silverware that was proudly presented on every table. You sucked in a breath of anticipation when he reached for one of the spoons, only to exhale in relief when he placed it on the bridge of his nose, trying to balance it.

“MC, look at this!” He tapped your shoulder, as always wanting your full and undivided attention as he demonstrated his newfound skill. You giggled at his antics with fondness as he accidentally let the spoon drop with a clatter and a quiet ‘shit’ coming from him. Lucifer pulled on his ear, like a mother scolding her child and whisper-yelled at him to stop acting like an idiot. The only reason the oldest chose a sit right next to Mammon was to maintain order and peace. Basically, he did it for disciplinary reasons.

“I understand that being impertinent is your full-time job, Mammon but keep this up and I’ll throw you in Cerberus’ room. Let him do with you as he pleases.”

“Lucifer, it’s not a big deal-“

“Yeah, OK,” Mammon hissed, picking up the spoon from the recently polished floor with a slight grin that didn’t quiet reach his eyes “I gotcha. Can-“

“Speaking of Cerberus,” Levi suddenly piped in, no longer fussing about his collar or nervously twiddling with his thumbs because of the massive crowd of demons surrounding him “Didn’t you force me to walk him last week when it was your turn to do it?? I only agreed because you promised to buy me the newest Ruri-Chan limited edition body pillow that came out last Tuesday! And you never did! And now they’re out of stock, you scummy piece of-“

The third eldest would’ve leapt across the table and aimed for the throat if you hadn’t pressed a gentle hand against his chest, making him sit back down with a huff. People were starting to stare at the commotion coming from your table, turning heads and muttering between themselves. You were slowly dying from embarrassment by the way, since you guys definitely became the topic of conversation for the other guests. The brothers were being too noisy to even notice and Lucifer himself was too preoccupied to see the scene they were creating which made you further slouch down into your chair, silently hoping for the ground to swallow you whole. The night really wasn’t going as intended. You could hear Solomon laughing at the brothers’ antics from three tables down.

“I guess that’s Mammon for you,” Belphie yawned, barely raising his head from table “He lies everyday, all day. What exactly is new here? And that says something since it’s coming from me.”

“I apologised for that!” Mammon whined, referring to Levi’s accusation and choosing not to address Belphie’s insult “I was gonna buy it but then I realised I spent all my money earlier that week anyway so I couldn’t!”

“Perhaps that wouldn’t happen if you learned how to save the money you earn properly,” Satan muttered, sipping from his glass of whatever beverage he had snatched from the servants earlier “Not like you know how to earn money in any way besides stealing it.”

You watch as Mammon clenched his fist “Can we please just move on-“

“I can’t believe that I was cursed with this moron for a brother,” Asmo sighed, almost theatrically, as if he was performing. And, in a way, he was. People were getting really interested in the drama unfolding over there. It was making you even more anxious, all those eyes staring at you. The Avatar of Lust was leaning so much on his chair, you were sure he was going to topple over and at this point, you kinda hoped he would. Anything to stop this momentum of hatred aimed at Mammon “You’re always getting us in trouble, you know. Hmph, we can’t go anywhere with you Mammon! You always end up ruining it for us! With your stupid schemes and-“

“I’m hungry-“

“Not now, Beel!”

“Cutting him up into tiny pieces for the witches will always be an option,” Lucifer chimed in, smiling at the thought.

Mammon snapped his head upwards at that. It was such an abrupt reaction, it made you jolt a little in your seat. You couldn’t miss the tension radiating from him, how quickly his body stiffened and exactly how hard his hands were gripping the edge of the table. His brothers were still paying him no mind, blaming him for this and that under their breath or being silently judgemental in Lucifer’s case. You worried for him because Mammon rarely acted like this; feral, in a way. Just so you know, he definitely noticed it. The look of concern plastered all over your face. That’s the only reason he released the table from his vice-like grip and slouched back against his chair. Satan went quiet and was staring at Mammon in bewilderment.

He disliked the idea of you watching him lose control of himself. He was your guardian. Your first pact. It’s important to him that your relationship is build around a pillar of trust. And he can’t even expect you to trust him if he exposes you to his demon form every time something inconveniences him. Mammon would rather cease to exit than have you fear him. So he kept his breathing regulated as the fog cleared his mind. The Avatar of Greed isn’t an angry demon. Snuffing out the the flame of rage he had fanned up until then was relatively easy. He just needed to get through tonight, then he could go home and complain to you about it once he got out of his brothers’ earshot.

“Why does he get to spend so much time with MC anyway? He’d probably sell them for a few Grimm any time of the day, wouldn’t he? It’s so fucking unfair. He won’t change no matter what so why risk MC’s safety? I will summon Lotan on him if he starts getting on my nerves.”

It would be an understatement to say that those words rubbed Mammon the wrong way, judging by the lack of immediate response. It was unexpected for him keep his mouth shut at a time like this. What was even more unexpected was the abrupt, delayed reaction he had a few seconds afterwards, resulting in his chair being flung back about 5 feet in that general direction. The seemingly deafening thud it made when it collided with the floor echoed around the dining hall, bouncing off walls and whacking people over the heads with the aggression behind it. A moment of pure, indescribably loud silence filled the crowded space as everyone else stared in shock at their brother, mouths agape and eyes bulging out of their sockets. Mammon would’ve laughed at their faces if it weren’t for the circumstances leading up to that point.

“What gives any of you the right to treat me like some sort of punching bag?” Mammon drawled, accentuating his obviously superior nature to almost every single demon at that table. He laughed, in an oddly half hearted way, before his sea struck gaze landed back to his siblings “Do not try to push me into a corner, because I will not handle it well. You’ve been having a field day with me for centuries now and I’m starting to get really ticked off, ya know? But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’ve done everything in my power to keep MC alive for the past few months and y’all are acting as if I’m out here playing with their life. Complain about me all you want. But...” He thumped the table, loud enough to make all the noblemen in the room flinch.

“Don’t you dare insinuate that I would ever put MC in danger, willingly or not because I will rip out your insides and paint the walls of this palace with them while hanging your intestines from these chandeliers. I will pluck your hairs out one by one, then your nails, then your eyeballs and then your teeth. You’re the ones that have put MC in danger’s way time and time again in the past few weeks, and you’re out here trying to suggest that I would even think about hurting them? Unlike every single one of you, who almost killed my human-you’re lucky I don’t have your fucking heads.”

He smashed his fist into the table again, using even more of his strength this time and effectively breaking the whole thing, the wooden legs giving out and shattering into thousands of splinters. Mammon spoke again, his voice lowering “MC forgave you. I didn’t. And I have no reason to. Not with how you’ve been treating me.”Once he spit that out, Mammon turned on his heel and left, slamming the door shut behind him hard enough to shake the whole building, leaving his siblings in dazed awe.

......

Even more silence. For some reason, all of the brothers at the now broken table ended up looking your way, silently questioning what they should do. It often ended up like this

You gave them all an unimpressed stare and a half-assed shrug “Don’t look at me. You guys fucked up.” Before sliding out of your seat and following Mammon out of the castle, sending an apologetic smile to Diavolo on your way out. Hopefully, you could manage to calm him down before everyone else gets home otherwise this might drag on for a while.

Lucifer:

-In all honesty, he probably saw the signs from a mile away and still decided to ignore them

-Maybe because he believed they weren’t being all that harsh on him, even if in Mammon’s eyes they were

-‘Harsh’ in Lucifer’s vocabulary usually means being hanged upside down from a ceiling or publicly executed, not a couple of mere insults

-Not to mention the eldest had always been horrible at communicating with his brothers when it came to emotions

-Despite Mammon clearly suffering from the treatment he received from his brothers, Lucifer refuses to believe he’s the root of the problem

-As the Avatar of Pride, he always had a hard time realising that all those words and the constant teasing, which he deemed to be pretty harmless, scarred Mammon a lot more than expected

-Once he actually comes to that conclusion, and after getting over the initial shock, Lucifer would probably feel the guiltiest out of them all

-Being the eldest means he carries quite a few burdens on his shoulders as most responsibilities fall on him due to his prideful nature

-He would blame himself for Mammon’s outburst simply because he’s the older brother and he should’ve known better, not just because he sees how a big of a role he played in all of this

-Usually, if his brothers do something bad, then he’s there to fix it within hours, that’s how it always worked

-Except he doesn’t know how to fix this exactly

-The problem is he has no idea how to approach Mammon after that sudden meltdown and he has no idea how to talk it out with him because he sucks at expressing himself verbally

-And since this took place in a public space, Lord Diavolo’s Palace no less, he felt really conflicted on what should have been done at that moment in time

-There was a lot of frustration, embarrassment and confusion in him for a good five minutes after Mammon slammed that door shut behind him and even after he gathered his thoughts together, he was still in shock for the rest of the night

-In any case, the whole event was promptly cancelled and everyone ended up going home earlier than expected, after Lucifer apologised to Diavolo about the spectacle they created (several times)

-When they finally get home, he decided to give Mammon his space instead of trying to knock at his door and instead went back to his room

-He knows they will need to solve this matter soon but there’s no way Mammon will want to see, let alone talk, to any of them just yet

-He’s sort of hoping he can apologise best he can next morning at breakfast, cross his fingers and wish for the best but judging by the venom that laced Mammon’s voice the night before, it’s not likely he will forgive any of them that easily.

Levi:

-If I were to guess, he saw the ending credits of his life flash before his very eyes as soon as those words left his mouth

-Levi felt a panic in him like never before, not even while playing his engaging horror visual novels at 3am in complete darkness or that one time he used Lucifer’s credit card to buy merch before being found out

-Must’ve forgotten his brother technically ranks higher than him on the power scale for a second there

-Or maybe he didn’t think his insults were going to affect him much

-They usually don’t

-Or at least that’s the impression he’s been under for a while now

-Mammon doesn’t snap easily under pressure but Levi must’ve really hit a nerve there that night

-While everyone was sitting in a short silence after Mammon left the building, he started twiddling with his fingers again the more he thought about it

-Because now he went from nervous to fucking terrified of what the hell was waiting for him when he finally got home

-He does feel guilty, nowhere near as much guilt as Lucifer feels but still pure shame

-However most of that guilt is swallowed by a steady fear and the constant worry of ‘how do I stop my brother from killing me?’

-Unlike Lucifer, I honestly don’t see him taking any sort of initiative when it comes to apologising to Mammon

-Not even because he doesn’t want to, but he would freeze up if he were to come face to face with him after that incident and then scamper back to his room like a rat in hiding

-So without your help, it’s likely the two won’t be speaking to each very soon which can honestly make life at the House of Lamentation so much more miserable

-In the end, if either you or Lucifer forced him to, he would say sorry by selling some of his merch and then giving him the profits (in secret but we all know it’s him)

-That is a big sacrifice on Levi’s part considering how precious his merchandise is to him

-But the idea that he’s gonna get murdered in his sleep by his older brother was getting a tad too real

-Besides, Mammon is still his brother and if he has to sell a couple of items in order to make him less mad, he would do it, albeit with a bit of grumbling

-Despite that, Mammon still refuses to come out of his room and sort of relies on you to bring him food because he doesn’t want to see his brothers

-Levi and Mammon would probably have to rebuild a lot of their relationship after this but it could easily take months for that to happen since Levi is too terrified to look him in the eye and Mammon is too upset to even hear his voice

Satan:

-He wouldn’t be the Avatar of Wrath if he couldn’t spot the anger within someone from a mile away

-He’s always been able to recognise the fury building up inside of him so for Satan it’s second nature to just know when someone’s on the brink of snapping

-It’s no surprise to say that he probably noticed Mammon’s wrath spilling out before anyone else did

-But alas, he realised it too late

-If he had reacted quicker, maybe he would’ve been able to diffuse Mammon before he exploded on them. Or not

-It’s difficult to tell if he could’ve actually helped because who was he to tell Mammon to calm down??? If anyone told him that while he was throwing a fit, he would probably break their necks-

-In the end, he just pressed his lips into a straight line and watched his brother throw his chair across the room

-Not gonna lie, he found it a bit entertaining purely because of the look on Lucifer’s face

-Satan had to try really hard not to crack a smile because he knew Mammon would probably smash a glass against his head or something

-Even so, he was the first to stand up and offer to go after him, though he wasn’t sure he could do much consoling

-Being so experienced with anger meant that he knew Mammon had built himself into a rage that he won’t be able to escape out of too easily

-Which is why he advises Lucifer to give Mammon his space once they get home

-Overall, the most understanding out of all of the brothers

-At this point in time, probably the least judgemental out of everyone and once Mammon comes out of his room for the first time in a while, either him or Beel is going to apologise to him first

-He may push and push him alongside the rest of his siblings but I feel like Satan doesn’t want to reach a certain low, like cornering Mammon into the frenzy he had that day ever again

-He might get pissy with him if he’s being too stubborn to forgive anyone after coming down from his intrusive thoughts

-And he really hates that Mammon had to remind them about all the times you had nearly died because of them, because he knows they won’t be able to make it up to you so why is Mammon upset about this????

-But he will try to maintain respect for his older brother from then on

-Even if the sharpest of remarks is on the top of his tongue!

Asmo:

-Asmo is the type to laugh it off and then start feeling really upset about it later on, the longer he thinks about the whole thing

-After Mammon storms out, he just assumes it’s another one of those ‘Mammon’ things and tried to brush the feeling of unease off him

-Even so, later that night the memory of Mammon kept coming back to him while he laid in his bed, unable to have a nice rest for the first time in how long? He’s always been really strict about his sleeping schedules after all

-Asmo’s observant, almost on par with Satan himself when it comes down to it. He definitely saw the gleam of anger, pent up frustration and hatred in his brothers’ eyes that moment and it legitimately scared him, even if it was for just half a second

-Honestly, he begins neglecting himself out of anticipation and worry which is a huge red flag for the Avatar of Lust who always holds himself at such a superior level compared to everyone else

-It may start out slow, but it has the same effect as a snowball rolling down the hill. It becomes more of a problem the longer it’s ignored

-Because he spends most of his days now debating whether he should try to coax his brother into coming out of his room and apologising to him, he forgets about himself

-Skincare routines are missed, pedicure appointments have been cancelled; hell, if Mammon’s keeps being stubborn, he may let his hair become absolutely filthy

-Asmo sort of relies on his brothers to provide the living environment he revolves around. If something is off with his brothers, he can not work properly either because it doesn’t feel right to do so

-Imagine a machine not working anymore because one of the clogs in it got stuck

-I can see Asmo feeling a decent amount of guilt when it comes to the situation but he still blames Levi for completely pushing him over the edge at dinner

-So now those two aren’t talking (it’s honestly so exhausting since they’re shoving the blame onto each other without stop)

-If Mammon decides to come out and hear them out, Asmo might get on his knees and beg because that guilt bubbling up inside of him may end up being his demise

-No seriously, MC might need to keep an eye out on him too while comforting Mammon because whatever he is doing isn’t healthy

-Takes Mammon’s outburst pretty badly and tries apologising to him many times but the second eldest still hasn’t said a word to any of them

-And that’s driving him into a fucking swirl of insanity at this point

-Of course, much like Mammon’s mental breakdown, this builds up over time but the result can be devasting

-If you pass by his room at night, you could probably hear him sob about how his brother hates him and it’s really heartbreaking to hear pained cries like that coming from such an overly confident demon like Asmo

Beel:

-Literally the only one here that doesn’t dish out insults onto Mammon every hour of the day

-He joins in very rarely and even when he does, it’s usually in good nature rather than malice

-Unless food is involved. Feelings (and Mammon) might be hurt if that’s the case

-Beel wasn’t listening to his siblings as they were diminishing Mammon, he was way too hungry to comprehend what the hell they were on about

-So he just started wolfing down appetisers until he noticed you looking all weary

-That’s the first thing that put him on alert

-And then the second born’s aura was also...off putting

-Might’ve actually tried to nudge Belphie to stop him from saying anything offensive to Mammon in this state when he realised how tense the atmosphere got

-Flinched when his brother left the palace, almost cracking the whole doorway on his way out

-Hunger is all but gone and at this point he wants to go home to check up on him

-Beel is a bit of a softie and he wears his heart on his sleeve a lot of the times

-He never did anything particularly bad to Mammon, not on the same scale his brothers did certainly and yet he still felt extremely bad

-Perhaps because he didn’t step in as much as he should’ve...?

-Either way, when his loved ones suffer, he has a tendency of putting the blame on himself because he feels it’s the only logical answer

-Honestly, he feels guilty enough to the point where it’s affecting his eating habits-which is obviously not normal for the Avatar of Gluttony

-Beel knows Mammon doesn’t want to talk to him but he still brings him food and leaves it at the doorstep of his room since he doesn’t want to come out and have dinner with them

-Or he relies on you to give it to him

-The thought of Mammon being so mad at them that he doesn’t even want to eat makes him feel so vulnerable

-As soon as he sees him for the first time since that night, he will probably be the first to apologise, even if Mammon isn’t in the mood to hear apologies

-Again, he’s trying to use food to make up to him (bringing him his favourites and paying for them)

-Even if he gets ignored, he’s still going to do it

-Beel is trying his best to say sorry to his older brother the only way he knows how to do so, but Mammon still doesn’t give in

Belphie:

-Could’ve been asleep the whole time Mammon was thrashing about

-Or at least that’s what it looked like to the average passer-by

-Kept one eye open to watch as Mammon finally snapped under pressure, having to raise his head once his brother broke the whole god damned table

-“OK, alright, storm off I guess-I have a splinter now-“

-Don’t trust that sarcastic commentary, he’s in deep thought on the inside

-Maybe he should’ve expected this but then again, he never would’ve guessed Mammon had it in him to be so aggressive

-Will narrow his eyes at him when he talks your death and scowl

-As if he didn’t already feel like the world’s biggest piece of shit, he had to bring that up

-As soon as he leaves, he turns to Lucifer and goes “See what you did? You broke Mammon. You suck, Lucifer.”

-The shifting of blame suits Belphie really well (it takes Beel side glancing him to get him to shut up)

-The Avatar of Sloth is too tired to even try to communicate with his brother so he goes straight to bed after getting home

-However, he actually visits Mammon’s dreams that night

-Or at least tries to, if Mammon is getting any sleep after that showdown

-It’s his way of checking in with his brother, helps him evaluate the situation

- Whether that works or not, there was definitely an attempt that required a lot of effort and you don’t see that very often with Belphagour

-It really demonstrates how much he actually cares for his family, even if he hides behind snide remarks and the likes of it

-However, if Mammon refuses communication, then he can’t do anything but give up

-He clearly won’t be able to convince him to step aside for a chit chat and why waste energy trying to force him to do so

-When the time comes, Belphie knows his brother will willingly talk to him (or at least someone else because he knows he’s not any good at comfort or apologies)

-At the same time, a lot of the things Mammon said during that party rubbed him the wrong way and seeing his twin suffer because of it is also pissing him off so patience may be running thin with Belphie

-Like Levi, there may be a lot of ice between the two from then onwards so it won’t be easy for them to find the middle ground in this whole argument either

-It could lead to a strained relationship if no one intervenes or even a physical fight if the youngest pushes all of Mammon’s buttons properly

Diavolo:

-The Future King feels guilty too, for some reason

-He is clearly not involved but he’s under the impression his party was a catalyst of sorts to the fight that broke out that night

-Diavolo wasn’t even in the same room when it happened-he heard shouting and growling from next door whilst talking to a noble about future arrangements in DevilDom and rushed in

-The sight was something to behold really; Mammon cornering all of his brothers and threatening them with pure venom in his voice wasn’t something you saw everyday

-More often than not, it was the other way around so the Prince had every right to be concerned

-He tried asking Lucifer what was going on after the second eldest slammed the door shut behind him and left but to no avail; the Avatar of Pride was in a state of shock and the only thing he did was apologise to him about a million times before his departure with the rest of his siblings

-Despite his worry, Diavolo tried not to get involved in the aftermath either, believing it’s not his place to interfere and hoping they would solve it out amongst themselves

-He did give Mammon permission to miss RAD classes for that week, thinking a small break is what he needed most

-Even drops by every now and then to check up on him (he just asks you how he’s holding up because he doesn’t want to pry)

-He can’t do much but watch from the sidelines, I mean this is a family dispute so it would be wise to just give them all a bit of space

-If it drags on for too long, however, he will be forced to do something because the brothers are all distracted and can’t get on with their student council work because of it

-Lucifer is even more stressed than usual and can’t even focus during their meetings so for the sake of his friend, if nothing gets resolved quickly, he will intervene and it won’t be pretty

-For now, he’s counting on you to make sure there are no further incidents but it’s unlikely you can stop a train once it’s set in motion so just hope Mammon doesn’t come out of his room until he’s calmed down

Barbatos:

-The butler is a Time Lord so it’s probably no surprise to find out he already knew this was going to happen eventually

-Not like he believed Mammon was going to take his brothers’ insults for much longer anyway

-Being the quiet and observant demon he is, he’s been keeping a close eye on the Avatar of Greed knowing damn well he was going to lose his patience soon enough and go on the offence

-If he knew this was going to happen at such an important moment in time, he would’ve warned his majesty beforehand but he failed to see the potential catastrophe awaiting his breakdown

-Again, he has no right to intervene

-Unless, of course, Lord Diavolo asks him to do so but really the most he can do is give you tips on how to deal with miserable demons

-I mean, you’re the one that’s going to be stuck with them for the rest of the year and this isn’t the type of conflict that gets resolved too easily

-Barbatos is clever so if there is still bitterness between Mammon and his siblings after an amount of time passed, he might try to change timelines (with the permission of Diavolo)

-He’s had enough of Beel coming over to eat his cakes and cry about his older brother hating him (believe it or not, the butler is definitely a bit fond of the sixth eldest so his cries did pull at his heartstrings)

-Basically, in the same position as the Prince

-He relies on you to get them all to make up but he knows it’s not likely to happen any time soon

-For now, he’s getting ready for the chain reaction this fight set in motion because there was no easy way to end this, considering they’re all vicious demons and all

—————————————————————-

Al~ im mad I couldn’t add Simon, Luke and Solomon-I want to write for them too >:(

[emotionallyits2009]

deancas fic rec list!

hello everyone! happy christmas to those who celebrate it, my gift to you is my fic rec list that i said i would make like a month ago. the only thing it is organized by is canonverse vs alternate universe. tried to cover a variety of subjects but there are in particular many fics of the genre “postcanon where cas is human and he and dean live together and slowly finally get their shit together” because i know what i’m about, son. HOPE U ENJOY. and if you wanna talk about any of them or rec me other fics please do. :) 

Canonverse:

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, explicit “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.” There are many fics set in a post-canon universe where Cas is human and he and Dean live together and slowly fall into a relationship. Imo this one is the best of the best of that genre. This was one of the first fics I read back in July when I was getting Back Into Supernatural where I was like oh fuck I’m like in this. Dean builds Cas planters and bookshelves and a chicken coop and they fight and work through it.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits, 10k, explicit For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless. Really Gets the dynamic of Cas doesn’t think Dean wants him to stay/Dean thinks Cas will leave the first chance he gets. Also a nice example of Cas thinking he’s not wanted if he’s not useful/powerful and being told otherwise. Another all-time fave!

lonely hearts by outphastthemoat, 4.5k, gen He thinks he might give up having his own anything just to be able to step foot inside the room next door and sit on the edge of Dean’s bed instead. This one is for the CAS GIRLS who know what LONELINESS feels like.

Helionneiros by aeli_kindara, 24.2k, mature In which Dean visits his mother, and Claire takes Cas on a hunt. I’m always on the lookout for more fic with Claire and Jack. Jack doesn’t show up until the end here but the relationship between Cas and Claire is really nice.

Crawl by aeriallon, 11k, explicit It’s been almost four years since Castiel left Kansas; he'd eventually settled in an island town where he has a job, a house, and a life without the Winchesters. Every winter, Dean drives down to the coast to see him. Another fic where Cas is human but in this one he took some time for himself and got some distance from the Winchesters! He gets to be competent and weird as a human and we love that for him. I must warn you all that this fic contains one use of the phrase “making love” which would normally put me right off but it’s still worth reading. The first of a three-part series.

home where you hold me by microcomets, 1.6k, gen Cas and Dean, in the moments between their battles, ache for quiet spaces. Technically this is a coda to 10x20 but you don’t need the episode for context. Short and very sweet.

Build a Home by domesticadventures, 20.1k, teen After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t. This one is so cute it’s like what if once they were done saving the world Sam and Dean actually invited other hunters to move into the bunker with them. Obviously Dean wants that to include Cas but doesn’t know how to use his words.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo, 22.4k, explicit This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. Angst fic! They go on a road trip and Dean is severely fucked up post-Mark of Cain.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon, 8.6k, explicit No one ever tells Dean anything. Another nice getting-together fic.

Creature of Habit by trinityofone, 5.2k, teen The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well. This one is ancient by destiel standards (written during season 5) but it manages to nail the married couple vibes they give off in later seasons. Cas is a bitch and Dean likes him so much. <3

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by Tuesday, 11.2k, mature Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this. Another old one that is a lot of fun! They get Accidental Angel Married and if you don’t enjoy dumb fanfiction tropes like that I don’t know what to say to you.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi, 4k, teen In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything. The OTHER accidental angel marriage fic written in 2010. 

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 24.8k, explicit A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there. At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history. Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe. Time travel is FUN. There’s an excellent part where (minor spoilers) future!Dean is like, “Guess what, asshole? You like me so much you marry me!!!!!!!!!!!” to 2008!Castiel that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it. Also just a good reminder of how most problems in life are temporary and if you could go back in time to talk to your younger self you’d be like, “Hey man. Chill out. You get through it.”

The Path of Fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, mature After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years. There’s a lot of amnesia fic and djinn fic out there were Dean wakes up ~suddenly together with Cas~ but I like this one in particular because he’s initially very confused and kind of a dick about it until he acknowledges that being with Cas makes him happy.

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden, 95k, explicit Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together. Do you wanna read almost one hundred thousand words of Dean and Cas having extremely intense feelings but refusing to voice them aloud? Haha of course you do that’s why you’re here. There’s also a lot about Cas adjusting to being human and being depressed about it which might resonate if you’ve ever felt weird about having a body. To be honest the author could stand to use a few more commas but there were also half a dozen moments that made me put my phone down and drag my hand slowly over my face and whisper “oh my god” to myself which is like, the ultimate measure of a good fanfiction so it gets to be on the list.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers, 31.6k, explicit dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas. Have you seen the fanon (apparently pioneered by Mr. Jackles “Original Deankin” Ackles himself) that Dean used to prostitute himself to feed himself and Sam when they were younger? Are you interested in exploring that concept in fanfiction? Well, this is the only fic you need. Mind the tags on this one! It’s not what I’d call happy but it’s good.

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircases, 47k, mature It’s September of 2005, and Dean Winchester, in an attempt to outrun old mistakes and painful memories, finds himself in southern Kentucky on a wild goose chase. He’s completely certain this weird religious movement he’s “investigating” is a hoax, despite the miraculous healings people report, and he’ll be back on the road in a day or two. Things are looking up when he meets Cas, an awkward (and gorgeous) graduate student who’s actually doing honest-to-god research into the local tent revival meetings. When that research takes a weird and personal turn, Dean’s left to face two very serious realities: one, this may be a real case after all, and two, he’s fallen way harder for Cas than he should ever have let himself. Stanford-era AU of Dean trying to avoid his father and getting in over his head on a case.

Alternate universe:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets, 57k, mature Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The  professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen. Mundane AUs in this fandom have to be really, really good to catch my attention and this one is! It’s exactly what it says in the summary and the characterization is spot-on. 

Out to Drift by deathbanjo, 20.9k, mature Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before. Two people in fucked-up unstable situations meeting and forming a connection. Honestly guys I really just love deathbanjo.

[dreamii-yume]

For Malleus’ birthday can we get a date exploring abandoned buildings with him.

Note : This takes place back when you still don’t know what Tsunotarou’s real identity is.

Malleus couldn’t sleep.

Not like he needed much anyway, someone as powerful as him wouldn’t submit to something as primal as sleep. To him, it was irrelevant and the darkness of the night just so happens to be his favorite time of the day. So, he had to do what he always do the best; Escape from the surveillance of his retainers and explore a world he had never been to before. It’s the same old routine every time and yet, the unknown never cease to fascinate him.

However, it was strange to say that no matter how much he walks, his feet would always carry him back to a place that he knows all too well. The Ramshackle Dorm whose only occupant is a petty monster, and a lone human that could not use magic. It used to be his favorite place, although he’ll never actually admit that to anyone. It was a shame that there is now someone to disrupt that atmospheric peace it had. There would be more people that’ll visit that place and soon, it’ll lose all the qualities that made it special.

But even so...Malleus found himself gazing at it tonight as well.

He...Doesn’t really know how he got here in the first place, nor does he ever understand why. It felt like it’s a huge responsibility, to visit the dorm in every way he can. Maybe it was because he’s still attached to the place? Maybe he had already explored everything he has to in this island? No, it’s not that. He was simply waiting...and hoping for a certain someone to come out every time he comes to visit.

“My, my...It’s a surprise to see you still out in the cold at a time like this. Have you had any fear at all?”

One of the residence in that same broken down dorm, a child of a human. She had no powerful magic to compare to his, the odd one in a school focused on honing a wizard’s magical capability. Honestly, she was just an unfortunate creature, a bystander that shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place. Malleus almost feels bad for her, having heard of stories from his supervisor about all the things that this human had to go through with the other dorm leaders mysteriously overblotting. She was a well-developed young woman by human standards, but in his eyes, all he sees is a little girl still in need of guidance.

She was nothing special, and yet, she never fails to put a smile on his face.

“Ah, Tsunotarou...!”

What a ridiculous nickname. If his people were to hear this one human call him, call The Malleus Draconia by such terms, there would be a riot, a controversy. Honestly, if it were anyone but you who would dare to call him by that name, a shot of lightning would’ve probably executed them right on the spot. Guess it was a good thing that you got permission beforehand, huh? Even if you yourself hadn’t realized so, it was charming to say the least.

“I could say the same thing for you too.” You said, with your head held up high to look at him in the eyes. Malleus could not see the tiniest bit of fear in your eyes, it was clear that you did not see him as a threat at all, unlike the others. “Say, didn’t you say that you were a fan of exploring around? I’m kinda in a mood to do just that so, would you like to accompany me?”

Malleus couldn’t help but chuckle at what you said, not one person had ever said that to him with a straight face before. “Was that an invitation, Child of Man? How curious...” He asked, in which he received an eager nod from you. “Very well then, I accept. Honestly, I could never find a gloomy moment with you.”

His comment only left you raising your eyebrow in confusion, something that he had already expected. It was no use on confusing the ignorant any further, after all. Either way, you carry on along with him accompanying you wherever you plan to go.

Some of the places that you both ended up visiting had already been old news to Malleus, having all the time in the world to explore them. However, that radiant in your eyes prevented him from saying anything that would spoil your excitement, your reaction was far too amusing. You were a curious human child, having the courage to look at every crooks a place had without worrying about the risks for traps. For that short time he had with you tonight, he already lost count of how many times he had to use his magic to move away debris away from you, without yourself even noticing. From the large boulders that could actually seriously injure you, to the tiniest of rocks that you wouldn’t even feel, it became a reflex for him to keep a look out for any other danger that may come your way.

Malleus even found himself secretly using magic to lead you to a specific part of a place, one that would make your eyes shine in amazement once you found it. You would go up to him, feeling proud by thinking that you found such treasure yourself when it truth, he played a major role in it. But still, he could never say that, he enjoyed your enthusiasm way too much to do so.

“Exploring like this really takes the energy out of you quick, huh...” You said as a yawn escapes you. Initially intending to take a break, you and Malleus sat beside each other in a nearby bench, a lamp post illuminating the surroundings.

With his arms crossed, Malleus observed the way you rubbed your eyes, as if to fight the urge to sleep. It was clear that you’ve already reached your limit for tonight, and although he feels rather disappointed that it would end so soon, you needed to rest your eyes. “Isn’t it about time for you to come back to your dorm? It has gotten quite late.” He suggested with his eyes closed, still in dismay that his time with you is over. Truly, the difference between the endurance between a human and a fae are both far and wide.

“Yeah...” You listlessly agreed whilst nodding off, it made Malleus smile slightly actually. Honestly, you’re hopeless, and with that extreme vulnerability of yours, just imagine all the things that he could do. He isn’t as friendly as you think after all, but revealing that now would simply be boring in his standards, not to mention quite pointless. With only a few months of talking and meeting up like this, you already had come to trust him so much as to never raise your guard up when it comes to him. He should be offended, but there was a certain charm around it when it’s you. “It’s really late, and...”

Suddenly, you looked up, coincidentally seeing a clock post nearby and Malleus had to tilt his head in wonder with that pause in your words. Then, you widened your eyes. “Ah! It’s already passed midnight!” You blurted out in panic, which made Malleus face palm gently, so that’s what this is all about? Just realizing that, you’re such a... “Here!”

This time, it was Malleus’ turn to be caught off-guard as you handed him some sort cloth, no...It was a scarf. “...What do you intend on giving me this?” Malleus asked, looking back at your smile.

You blinked repeatedly. “What do I intend...? Well...” You trailed off, scratching the back of your head before looking back at him with a cute blush on your cheeks. “...It’s your birthday today, isn’t it?”

It took him a moment, slowly widening his eyes as realization came by him. “Birth...day?” It didn’t even occur to him, he completely forgot the importance of this new day that came by. “...How do you know about that?”

“Lilia-senpai told me! Since he seemed to know you.” You beamed up at him. “Though...I kinda panicked a little, and I don’t really know too much about you to actually know what kind of gift you would like...”

You scratched your cheek in embarrassment, looking away from him. “...So, I ended up knitting something and before I knew it, it turned into a scarf, haha...” You sheepishly explained, face burning at how low your reasoning was. “Y-You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to, but I’d really appreciate it...If you can at least take it...”

Malleus stared at your face, your usually bright expression had suddenly been overpowered by sheer embarrassment. Your face was red, the way you were biting you lips slightly was a new side of nervousness that he didn’t know about you, nor he had ever known that you were capable of expressing. It was honestly...refreshing to see that, adorable even. Looking at the scarf in your hand, it was true that it looked like it was hand crafted. You still didn’t seem to have a full grasp in knitting yet, judging from the few loosely strands sticking out here and there, but it still wasn’t exactly bad.

Then, Malleus just couldn’t help it anymore. A booming laughter escaped his throat, it was more than a chuckle, he was actually letting out his entertainment right there. “Haha! Oh, Child of Man...You are truly the most interesting human I’ve ever encountered!” He exclaimed, a large smile sprawled on his face.

“I-I am...?” You muttered in a flinch, not expecting him to say anything at all.

“Very well...I shall take it.” It’s not like there was any trouble anyways, Malleus would’ve still gladly take it from you if you were so generously offering it up to him. Regardless if it was his birthday or not.

“R-Really...!?”

“I don’t see why not.” Malleus said, raising his eyebrow with a smirk that can never disappear from his face for some reason. “I’ll even give you permission to place it around me and let you see how it looks.”

“Yay!” You cheered, scooting closer to him with the scarf on your hands. Malleus instantly noticed the gesture you gave him and lowered his head slightly, just enough for you to wrap the fluffy fabric around his neck. Tying them up nicely, you marvelled at the way your horned friend look. “Wah~! Tsunotarou, you look adorable! And comfortable too!”

A twitch displayed on his eyebrow, but you playfully dismissed it. “Is that so...” He said and you nodded vigorously. He huffed, the cold was not an enemy to him at all, he has a natural tolerance when it comes to it. A scarf was something that is normally pointless to him but surprisingly, he felt warm. Maybe not because of the heat it provided, but because he could feel the immense care and loving effort that you put into making it. “Well...Whatever makes you happy.”

Giggling, another sleepy yawn escapes you, but it sounded way more exhausted than the previous one. Without thinking, you lay your head on Malleus’ shoulder, startling the fae. “Hehe...Tsunotarou’s so warm...” You said, leaning your forehead against him, with your hands clenched around his sleeve. Malleus kept quiet, he couldn’t say anything back as he just stared at your form, waiting for your next response.

...But what greeted him next were just a batch of soft snores, suggesting that you had finally succumbed to your battle against the overwhelming slumber. Malleus blinked a few times, before chuckling at your behavior. Even in your sleep, you sound so chipper, probably because of the fact that you’ve accomplished something for tonight. He raised a hand and hanged it around your shoulder, pulling you closed for more comfort. He glanced down at your sleeping figure, still can’t believe that you fell asleep in his presence.

Sometimes, Malleus wonders what you would be like if you’ve met in an alternate universe where you’re aware of who he is. Would you be scared, or would everything stay the same as always? When it comes to you, he still couldn’t determine which would be the exact answer. But if he were to ask you that same exact question, a part of him could just laugh and sit back as it wouldn’t really matter. He already knew what you were going to say, after all.

“Tsunotarou would always be Tsunotarou”

...That was what you told him before too, right? Malleus liked that answer, it was really something to expect from the strangest human he had ever meet. So, until then, there was no reason for him to doubt you. He’ll believe your words as he continues to wait for the inevitable day that you will come to know of his real name. He doesn’t have to rush, he’ll cherish these moments for a little longer, while he still can.

It was funny, for the first time in his long years of fae life, he was fine putting his arms around a human like this. He even go as far as to keep you warm from the cold, making your slumber a little more comfortable. Closing his eyes gently, he leaned his head close to your own, foolishly basking in a human’s warmth himself...How scandalous for the future heir of the Valley of Thorns, being so intimate with a mere human like this. The very fact that he’s enjoying this moment right now is a sin of itself, he’ll be in so much trouble...

...And yet, for the very first time, Malleus could not care less.

MALLEUS AND YUU INTERACTIONS ARE THE BEST SCENES IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE GAME.

CHANGE MY MIND.

...Actually, no. You can’t, it’s too late. I’m already feeling so girly for this ship.

[morkleemelon]

off the ice || chapter 2: heading in

previous || m.list || playlist || next

pairing:  college hockey player! mark x college figure skater! reader

genre: fluff, humor, sports au, college au

warnings: swearing

word count: 7k

copyright morkleemelon all rights reserved

"And we can see here in the figure that the data currently suggests-"

Your pen flies across the notebook page, desperately trying to capture everything your economics professor said in multicolor vigor. Jotting down the figure frantically, your eyes dart back and forth between the powerpoint screen and your paper, high ponytail bouncing up and down from the motion.

Being on scholarship means that you can never let your grades fall past a certain point or else they'd give the money to someone else. As harsh as it is, without the financial aid, you would not be able to continue to go to school. One of the only things that motivates you to work harder than your sleeping peers, sometimes, is the looming fear of becoming a jobless dropout, never able to achieve your dreams. 

In a lot of ways, not having money is already bad enough, but the thought of not even being able to earn it in the future is even worse.

"Does anyone know how this company should manage production costs?," your professor asks the crowd of tired students.

You immediately shoot your hand in the air. You know it. This answer was in the textbook reading last night it's-

"Yes" Your professor points behind you.

You slowly set your hand down, disappointed, turning around to see who could've raised their hand before you did.

"They should modernize their marketing efforts with more affordable tools and focus on reducing supply costs," the boy answers expertly.

That's exactly what I was going to say.

Examining his face a little more, something about him seems a little familiar, but you can't quite put your finger on it. Looking around at who he was sitting with, you begin to piece it together.

"He must be one of the Lee's if he's sitting between Ten and Jeno" you ponder to yourself, taking one final look at the boy, "is he... Haechan?". Thinking back to last spring, one of your teammates had a huge crush on the one called 'Haechan'. She always gushed about his fluffy brown hair, handsome face, and how he asked to borrow her biology notes once. You weren't exactly well versed with the university's popular people and honestly, the fact that this school has an 'F4' called "the Lees" is pretty funny to you.

This boy's hair is blonde, though, brushed down into a fringe and slightly messy from, you're assuming, taking off the hood of his sweatshirt before class. Glancing down, you take notice of the mess of white bandages wrapped around his knuckles.

Right, they just had a hockey game. He doesn't have brown hair so this must be-

"That's exactly right, Mark. Nicely done" the professor praises.

Mark. You note the name to yourself, turning back to the board as the professor continues with the lecture.

"Dude she's looking at you," Ten whisper-yells to his younger friend, nudging him sharply in the ribs.

Mark doesn't dare look down at you yet, already feeling his cheeks grow warmer with each passing second. He feels your gaze pull away from him and finally frees the breath he was previously holding captive. Shoving back at the senior boy, his gaze flutters back to you like it usually does during this class, however much to his strong denial. 

You always sit in the first row, colored pens and highlighters arranged neatly upon your favorite desk. 

Mark watches the way your hair bobs back and forth as you move your head with keen eyes. The delicate gold glint of a necklace clasp at the nape of your neck fascinates the junior boy's attention more than the mundane lecture ever could.

Spotting the slight smile on the older boy's face and the direction of his gaze, Jeno laughs quietly to himself, happy that something interesting is finally happening during the boring lesson. Leaning over behind Mark's back, he gives Ten a silent high five.

"You're a simp" Jeno whispers in Mark's ear, eager to provoke him. Mark slaps the blue-haired boy's face away.

"Fuck off," Mark whispers harshly back as Jeno and Ten laugh to themselves in the lecture hall. He habitually glances back to your focused form. And this is nothing short of how class usually goes for them: Mark fawns over you 'secretly' whilst you haven't the slightest clue. On either side, his friends tease him endlessly for it.

"Yuna and I are planning something for you guys," Ten persists.

Mark's eyebrows scrunch in confusion at the older's ominous words. The professor's voice drones on in the background as his attention shifts to Ten.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't worry about it, man". Ten smirks, smacking a firm hand on the confused boy's shoulder.

"Don't do anything weird," Mark warns, recalling the time when the senior had planned on starting a fist fight outside of your dorm building last semester in hopes to gain your attention and provide an excuse for Mark to talk to you. Although the thought was there, no it wasn't.

The hour ticks by and exhausted students groan in relief as the professor wraps up the stale lesson on fundamental economics. A mass shuffle of notebook pages flipping closed and backpacks zipping up fills the hall as students make their way out, eager to do anything but be there.

The Lee's always gather for lunch at this time at the basketball courts, attracting an impressive crowd of envious guys and adoring girls at the sidelines. Although the place is fairly beaten down and otherwise unimpressive, the Lee's choose to be there which consequently deems the courts the coolest lunch spot on campus.

Putting his things away into his trusty black Jansport bag, Mark gets ready to head down to the courts to meet up with Haechan like they always do until he feels a hand unexpectedly grip his left shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

"Some people are gonna join us for lunch today," Ten discloses casually, keeping his gaze forward as the line of students in front of them slowly file their way out of the crowded room.

"Oh, who?" Mark questions. It's not like it's rare for other people come hang out with them, in fact, it's almost always the case. But the fact that Ten is specifically telling him beforehand feels suspicious. Another strong hand grips his other shoulder as Jeno's navy blue hair comes into view.

"Don't worry about it man. You got meal points left for this week? Lend me some," the younger boy expertly diverts.

"Yeah..."

"Let's hurry though, Haechan is probably there waiting already. I told the brat to get food for us early today". Ten ushers Mark forward and pushes his way through the herd of people.

"Aight," Mark sighs in confused defeat, picking up his pace to keep up with the senior. There's definitely something weird going on, but he doesn't have the energy to pry further. 

Then again, has he ever lived a day where his friends aren't doing some sort of weird shit?

"Thank you, professor," you smile and bow politely.

"Thank you, y/n, enjoy the rest of your day," the older man smiles back, waving you off as he packs up his lecture notes. It's small things like this that you always make sure to do to make others' lives a little better.

After all, the best thing to give-better than any monetary gift- is kindness. Right?

Your phone buzzes in the back pocket of your frayed denim shorts and you reach to check the notification.

Der sum hoez in this houz:

Yuna: guys!! Let's grab lunch somewhere new today! :DD

Hope: yassss ;););)

You: oh why? The caf has chicken nuggets today :(

This is definitely suspicious -you, Yuna, and your other friends, Lisa and Hope, always ate together at the round table in the university's better dining hall nicknamed "the caf". It's been your unbroken tradition since freshman year and the lunch lady at the caf even likes you enough to give you extra servings sometimes.

Yuna: we can still have the nuggets but Ten knows a cool place we can sit! He says he already got the food so we don't have to pay today ;)

Free food?

Your inner Mr.Krabs reveals himself as you perk immediately at the mention of her boyfriend paying for lunch. Neither guilt nor modesty had time to catch up as your thumbs rush to type a speedy reply.

You: I'm there. Where at?

Yuna: I'm coming to your classroom rn! We can walk together

Lisa: Hope and I are coming from bio :) excited

You: lol why does everyone know but me

You: is it gonna be weird with us third wheeling you yuna?

You: if y'all start kissy kissy touchy touchy I might puke just saying

Yuna: HAHAHA XD

Yuna: don't worry some of ten's friends might be there too

Oh. To be honest, you're caught off guard at your best friend's last message. Ten has been over to your shared dorm a few times and you've exchanged enough awkward greetings to call him an acquaintance at least. But generally, his friend group and yours stay separate.

Not that there is any actual beef there, but, no pun intended, nobody's tried to break the ice yet.

Closing the group chat as you reach the entrance of the economics building, you hold a hand up to block the glaring rays of summer sun from your eyes. The sudden brightness harshly contrasts the musty dark of the lecture hall, making you squint in discomfort.

"Y/n!" a familiar voice calls out. A flash of platinum blonde hair and Chanel perfume filled your senses as Yuna throws your smaller body into a crushing, sweaty hug.

"EWw!" you yelp, shoving the taller girl away from you half-playfully, catching the attention of a few concerned passer-bys.

You nod your head at them in a shy apology.

Yuna, seriously.

The guilty party laughs, the musical sound travelling through the humid air like a refreshing breeze. Your best friend sticks out her elbow for you to link your arm through.

Eyeing her with short-lived contempt, your lips break into a smile as you slip your forearm around hers, unable to be actually mad at your best friend.

"Where are we going?" you ask.

"You'll see. It's Ten's spot"

"Hi-his spot?!" You stop in your tracks, wondering why you were going to eat where Ten dealt weed.

Since when did he deal weed though?

"Not that kind of spot!," Yuna cries out, smacking a manicured hand over the top of her forehead as to not ruin her perfect foundation, "he's not like that!".

"Right good," you scoff.

The summer heat swelters as Yuna leads you down campus towards the sports center. It's early September and Seoul is notoriously hot.

Ice cream vendors with big, striped umbrellas litter the streets, calling out for business from sweaty pedestrians who crave a moment of sweet, cold relief. The sky tints a beautiful shade of blue with fluffy wisps of white clouds dotting its never-ending canvas. No matter how hot the weather is, the day is undeniably beautiful.

You don't ask Yuna more about where you're headed, accepting that your best friend likes to be spontaneous and that her boyfriend was paying for your food. This is more than enough for you to follow her down the sketchy alleyway shortcut to the basketball courts. Sometimes you wonder if you'd be really easy to kidnap...

The alley opens up to reveal a worn-out basketball court planted in the middle of a grassy area. Looking around, you noticed there are quite a few people there, most of them unfamiliar to you.

They scatter across the grass in groups, eating and chatting casually amongst their friends atop their patterned picnic blankets. You catch the gaze of a group of girls sitting at the edge of the court; they eye you up and down, taking you aback with their lack of subtlety.

Breaking the awkward eye-contact, you suddenly feel very out of place.

"Hey!" Yuna calls out, slipping her arm out of yours to wave at a group of people sitting at the other side of the court from the judgmental girls.

Her hand slips into yours, snapping you out of your uncomfortable dilemma, pulling you towards the group she waved to. A big willow tree stretches towards the sky and casts a precious spot of shade over the area. Immediately, you spot Hope and Lisa as they wave to you and you let out a breath of relief.

At least I'm not alone, maybe I won't be so awkward now.

You recognize Ten's face and you give him a smile and nod of acknowledgement. Scanning over the rest of the group carefully, you faintly recognize the other boys sitting under the tree.

The boy with the blue hair and the fitted white tee- that's Jeno.

Fluffy brown hair-definitely Haechan.

Your eyes flit to the next boy and you're taken aback when he's already staring at you. His ashy blonde fringe hair, almost grey, seems dearly familiar. His eyes widen before quickly looking away.

He's part of the Lee's... bandaged hands and that hair- that's Mark, the dude who stole your answer from earlier.

The little devil on your shoulder whispers to hold a small grudge. The little angel on the other argues that it was never your question and you shouldn't be so petty. Right, kindness is the best virtue. You will let it go.

You and Yuna reach the edge of their picnic blanket and your best friend immediately goes to sit by Ten who doesn't hesitate to pull her hips smoothly into his lap.

You look away in embarrassment. Good for her for finding love, but by golly are you painfully single.

Eyeing the space on the picnic blanket, Hope and Lisa are almost strategically sitting at the end chatting with Jeno so there is no reasonable way you could sit next to them. Setting down your bag awkwardly, you debate where you should sit, silently cursing at Hope and Lisa for not leaving a space for you. Maybe coming here was a mistake because you feel kind of left out-

"Oh, here," a small voice lets out. You look up to see Mark getting up and moving his stuff out of the way and clearing a space for you next to him.

"Ah, thank you!" You smile, kneeling down to sit in the empty space.

Thank God.

Glancing at his face, a blush even Maybelline would envy rests on his cheeks as his gaze remains glued to the food in his hands.

The first thing you notice is how handsome he is up close. You didn't get a good look at him in the lecture hall, but his face is a perfect mix of feminine and masculine beauty. His eyes are soft and round, but his jawline sharp and angled. The most chiseled cheekbones you've ever seen are handsomely defined under the mosaic of shadows and light created by the branches of the willow tree. A slight, shy smile graced his delicate, pink lips.

He's super cute. I take back everything I thought in lecture.

"Hey, welcome!," a sudden high-pitched voice rips your attention away from ogling the blonde boy. Turning your face, you see Haechan on your other side eagerly holding out a hand for you to shake. You take his hand and he shakes it vigorously, "I'm Haechan nice to meet you! What's your name?".

"I'm y/n," you reply with a smile. He's really outgoing, huh.

"Y/n what year are you?"

"Oh I'm a sophomore this year"

"Ayyy! Jeno and I are sophomores too," the friendly brunette slaps the other boy on the arm, "say hi, Jeno".

"Hey, I'm Jeno". He gives a heart-fluttering eye-smile and you could hear hushed gasps and coos ensue from the onlooking girls across the court.

"Hi, y/n," you respond shyly.

Dang, these guys are all so good-looking.

You always hear about the 'Lees' and their 'godly' visuals, but you never truly paid attention. Yet now that you're sitting with them at their cool-people-only hangout spot, you have no choice but to admit how exactly spot-on those descriptions were.

"Here, y/n" Haechan hands you a paper tray full of chicken nuggets.

"Nice! Thank you," you cheer, taking the food perhaps a little too excitedly. Working out and training nearly everyday means you're inevitably hungry most of the time. Not to mention, your stomach always rumbles at the sight of your all-time favorite food.

Digging into the free food reward, you turn back to Mark who hasn't said anything to you yet.

"What's your name?" you ask. Technically, you already know it, but you don't really know a better way to start a conversation.

Visibly surprised, Mark chokes on his chicken.

You let out a single note of laughter at his unexpected coughing before slapping a hand over your mouth to stop yourself.

"Are you okay?" you ask stupidly.

"Bruh," Haechan teases with a smirk, amused at his best friend's embarrassment.

Mark nods quickly with a hand covering his mouth as he continues coughing. Unsure of what to do, you reach over to pat him on the back firmly.

"Here, dude". Jeno tosses Mark a filled water bottle, the older boy accepting it gratefully, gulping down the water like his life depends on it (which it... actually does).

Gasping in relief as he sets the bottle down, Mark looks back at you with flushed cheeks and wet lips. You realize your hand is still on his back and you quickly snatch your hand away, suddenly flustered by the contact.

"I'm Mark," he finally answers, voice hoarse from the ordeal.

"Hi Mark, I'm y/n" you giggle.

He looks absolutely hilarious with water dribbling down his chin and cheeks as red as fire. There is something intensely endearing about him as he looks down, front teeth biting down on his bottom lip in embarrassment.

"What year are you?," you continue.

"Uh-I'm a Junior"

"Oh nice! What do you study?"

"Uh-business and sports management"

"Wow! Wait you're In Econ31 right?"

"Yeah I am," Mark smiles.

"I thought I recognized you! I'm in that class too," you exclaim. Usually, you aren't terribly sociable with people you just met, but there's something about the softness of his voice that makes him easy to talk to. That and the way he's just choked on a chicken nugget in front of you at your first meeting- you have little to nothing to lose.

"Oh yeah I-I've seen you around sometimes"

"Yeah we've seen you around sometimes," Ten calls out, a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. Yuna laughs and hits his chest in warning.

"Shut up!" Mark grabs a nugget from his tray and chucks it at the older boy. Like a slow-motion scene in a movie, Ten catches the piece of chicken between his teeth and flashes a wink back at the flustered junior.

You burst out in laughter at the interaction, slapping a hand onto your knee at the dumbfounded look on Mark's face.

Mark feels his heart clench at the sound of your bright laughter filling the air. You gasp with glee, one hand slapping your knee repeatedly and the other gripping your fork. Truth be told, he is freaking out inside. And this is not how he imagined you would meet. 

All thoughts about Ten abandoned, a wide smile spreads back onto his face as his eyes scan across your laughing form. You sport a casual outfit consisting of a grey t-shirt and denim shorts like you usually do. A simple gold chain hangs from your neck, tucked away under the collar of your shirt. Up close, Mark feels even more drawn to you than ever before.

Beautiful as ever.

"I-I can't breathe," you wheeze, "what just happened?"

"My talent," Ten states, moving his arms from around Yuna's waist to hold them up in a 'well duh' shrug.

"Nah bro, it was a good throw from me," Mark cuts in, holding up a hand to stop the gloating boy.

"Nah bro, it was a good catch from me," Ten sasses back, moving Yuna off his lap to kneel up. You meet Yuna's eyes and you both hold back laughter at the ridiculous argument.

"Nah bro" Mark moves onto his knees as well.

"Nah bro's," Haechan suddenly interjects, "It was me. I have telepathy and I moved the chicken". Haechan promptly stands up and does a body wave, posing with a finger gun pointed over the slope of his nose to his forehead.

You laugh silently between the three boys who are suddenly all standing as they argue over who was responsible for the nugget trick. You had just met these guys a few minutes ago, but you're more confused and intrigued at them than you've ever been with anyone.

Look at you go, making new friends and everything!

"Guys..." Jeno tries, but his low voice isn't nearly loud enough to be heard over the chaos.

The boys point accusing fingers at each other like in a Renaissance painting. You scooch your way over to the other girls to get out of their way, bringing your food with you.

"You're dating..." You gesture your fork at Ten who was is caught in a three-way head lock with Mark and Haechan.

"Yeah". Yuna's face remains expressionless as she nonchalantly pops another piece of chicken into her mouth. After dating Ten for almost five months now, she is well aware of what the expression 'boys will be boys' really means.

"Are they always like this?" Hope asks, bewildered. Lisa just laughs on the side, enjoying the spontaneous fight more than she should. Jeno gives up, laying down to stare at the sky and wonder why his friends are like this.

Click

Your ears perk at  strange noises coming from behind you. Turning around, you notice that several of the girls you saw earlier are now pulling large, fancy cameras out of their book bags. Baffled, you watch incredulously as they shamelessly snap photos of the tussling, oblivious boys.

"What the heck?," you gawk. You haven't been here but twenty minutes and it's already one surprise after the other.

"Tell me about it. Those weirdos are these guys' fans, the 'Lovelees' as they call themselves," Yuna explains, "You would not believe how crazy they can get. Remember when I had to put all my socials on private a few months ago? It's because they found out I was dating Ten".

"Right, I remember that" you nod your head sympathetically. Your eyes move between the unsuspecting boys and the audacious crowd of girls. Maybe you haven't known them for long, but the Lees seem like a regular group of guys. Admittedly, they are above average in the visual department (and in the strange department), but the existence of the Lovelees is really unnerving. Is it just you?

One particular girl at the forefront stares you down intently. Her hair is a mousy brown with two striking streaks of bright red down her bangs in a distasteful take on E-girl style hair. Too-light foundation is packed onto her skin and you winced internally at the severe creasing by her nose. Black eyebrows not matching her hair, her fake eyelashes bat at you threateningly.

"What's up with her?". You are genuinely confused. Why does she look like she wants to murder you?

"She's so scary," Hope's eyebrows knit in worry.

"Yeah, what's with her? She's staring at y/n," Lisa suddenly adds, attention turning to the concerning conversation.

"That's Hillary, the club president or something," Yuna confirms with a shudder, "she's super psycho about Mark. Definitely stay away from her".

"Gotcha... but why is she looking at me like that? Is it just me?"

Hillary's creepy stare never leaves your face and you feel chills run down your spine like a thousand invisible spiders. Generally speaking, you sometimes shy from even ordering food over the phone. Being under her flaming gaze makes you want to shrivel up like a raisin.

If someone could write a story about Seoul University campus life, you'd for sure be a background character. Attracting negative attention to yourself for no reason is surely a new feeling and unequivocally uncomfortable... perhaps because there is any attention on you at all?

"Well for one," Yuna smiles, poking an accusing finger into your side, "you seem to be getting along with these guys pretty well. Especially Mark". The blonde wiggles her perfectly threaded brows at you. Flustered, you shove a nugget in her mouth before she could say more.

"What are you even talking about, we literally just met". You fight to keep your voice steady and expression unaffected, but alas you can't stop the heat from spreading onto your unwilling cheeks. Admittedly, it's been a while since you've gone out with a guy. More honestly, you haven't really dated anyone since you came to campus last year. So needless to say, your single self is a little bit flustered to be thrown into the notion that you even have a chance to be with a super popular, charming guy like Mark.

You shake your head to clear the ridiculous thoughts.

Let's not err on the side of desperation today.

Peering back at the crazy fangirl who you now know as Hillary, you're relieved to find her piercing gaze has shifted from boring holes in your skull to her cell phone and she types away at lightning speed.

"I have a feeling that he likes you, y/n," Yuna presses. Hope and Lisa giggle and nod in agreement, exchanging knowing glances at each other. 

You don't have ample time to ponder more as your attention is ripped away by the fighting boys. They've shifted from the shade of the willow tree to the basketball court, disregarding all onlookers and fighting like their lives depended on it.

"Let's go. Rooftop. Right now!" Haechan screeches, taking a leap at Ten while Mark struggles to hold him back.

"Fight me here, bro," Ten taunts, "we all know I'm built different". The sass in his voice gives Haechan the strength to break away from Mark's grasp and tackle the senior boy. All eyes glue to the two boys rolling around on the hot pavement, screaming.

"Yuna, can you-" Jeno starts, eyes closed as he lay on the blanket listening to his friends beat each other up.

"Yeah," Yuna gives the tired boy an apologetic pat on the knee. "Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul".

Her boyfriend's entire body immediately freezes at the sound of his full name. Letting Haechan go from his chokehold, Ten scurries back over to his spot on the picnic blanket to kneel by an unamused Yuna like a scolded dog. "I'm sorry".

You suppress another laugh. This... this is what the cool kids are like? You were really nervous for nothing. Mark shuffles back next to you, supporting a limping Haechan who insists he's fine.

"Sorry girls. They're not... actually no, they are usually like this," Jeno apologizes, "Hope we didn't scare you away".

"No, actually. I think you guys are really... funny. It's cool how comfortable you all are". You smile at the hockey players. Weird as they may be, you don't feel uncomfortable.

"She thinks you're cool!" Haechan cries, slapping Mark on the back.

"Shut up!" Mark smacks the back of the younger's head, ready for another fight already.

"But don't you guys think it's weird we haven't met earlier? We always see the hockey team around our practices but I think this is our first time officially talking," Hope suddenly points out the elephant in the room.

"Yeah I guess that's true," Haechan ponders, "to be honest, we didn't think you guys liked us very much... or let me rephrase that- we were kinda scared to approach you".

"YOU were scared to approach US," Lisa exclaims in shock, "did you forget that you four are, like, the most popular guys on campus or what?".

The four boys look amongst each other blankly. "No, but we thought...," Haechan starts.

"... that figure skaters hated hockey players," Mark finishes. Silent glances are exchanged between all parties as this new information is revealed.

At the sheer awkwardness of the situation, you decide to interrupt the silence with light laughter. "Why would we hate you?"

"You- agh," Haechan's reasoning is cut off by a sharp jab to the ribs from Mark. No way is he going to let the blabbermouth sophomore spoil that they stalked your Facebook last year and found your post.

"I mean you all seem really cool and," Mark saves, looking at you, "I'm really glad we got to meet you today. But we were just... intimidated before".

You raise an eyebrow and your eyes meet Yuna's, Hope's, and Lisa's who shared similar expressions.

"Babe, I'm intimidating?" Yuna asks her boyfriend, peering into his eyes. Ten promptly places a hand at the back of her neck and brings her in for a deep kiss. Everyone in the group groans in disapproval and you hope the sour expression on your face isn't too obvious. Why, Ten. Why.

"Uh.. ok then," you divert, "I was never a fan of hockey itself, to be frank. The sport, not the team. And maybe I've been annoyed at you guys for hogging the ice sometimes, but I've never ever hated you! Don't worry haha".

"Bro what?!" Haechan cries, "hockey is the greatest sport of all time! It's all about strategy, speed, strength, and skills. If anything, figure skating doesn't have a point".

You gasp in full-offense. Sure, you just gave your honest opinion on their sport and it was only fair that they give theirs, but that one burns. Before you can make your counterargument, the boy next to you beats you to it.

Tapping the back of his hand to Haechan's arm, Mark's next words made your heart skip a beat: "dude, you don't know what you're talking about," he turned to look into your eyes, "it's beautiful".

Mark's eyes are a deep brown color, you notice, and they sparkle gold in the light streaming past the branches of the willow tree. Softly, they peer into yours, bringing with them a rare kindness that pinches at your chest.

"Thank you" you smile at him. Is your face always this warm?

"Okayyy," Jeno finally opts to sit up, "now that we've determined that we don't hate each other and we're all cool, are we good to be friends?". A chorus of "Heck yeah"'s and "duh"'s filled the picnic area and your heart swells with happiness. You look back at Mark and smiled again.

New friends

"You should come eat with us here more often," Mark suggests to you, warm gaze making your heart strain for the hundredth time that afternoon. What is happening? "All of you should," he corrects, looking away shyly.

"Yeah we're here everyday," Ten adds. Looking down to Yuna who had laid her head in his lap, he stroked her hair lovingly. "You should come hang out with us whenever".

"I'd like that," you grin.

"Let's make a group chat. Everyone gimme your numbers," Haechan declares.

While the brunette went around collecting numbers, you chatted with Mark, wanting to get to know him more. You quickly find that he's so very endearing, blushing and fiddling with the bandages on his fingers at your every word. His words are kind and he listens to you thoughtfully when you speak. Talking to him is so easy, surprisingly easy, and you feel the conversation unfold out effortlessly. You hardly notice as the minutes of your lunch break tick to an end.

"That's crazy! There was this one time that-" the jarring sound of your phone alarm cuts you off. Scrambling for your phone, you tap on the screen desperately to shut it off.

"Sorry guys," you apologize, "Lisa, oh my goodness, it's time for us to go to Frankie's".

Lisa checks her own watch and gasps, "Oh gosh! We gotta go guys".

"Who's Frankie?" Mark questions, eyes slightly crestfallen.

"No," you laugh while picking up your bag, "Frankie's. The diner down the street next to the lake. We work there".

Haechan, Ten, and Jeno crack up silently at their sensitive friend. 

"It was nice meeting you all!" you exclaim, "It was nice meeting you, Mark".

"Great meeting you, y/n. Hope to see you around," he waves back at you.

Bidding their goodbyes, you and Lisa make your way down the alley to her parked car.

"Y/n don't you think Mark is super into you?" Lisa says excitedly once the others are out of earshot.

"What are you saying!?" you proclaim, looking back to make sure the Lovelees aren't following you. Seeing the coast is clear, you consider your friend's accusation. So much has happened in the last 2 hours than in your year and a month at college, or your entire life honestly. 

You walked into the alley with no guy friends and are leaving with four. Is it greedy to say that Mark really does stand out to you and you might be starting to like him, or are you just like every other girl who likes him too? The last thing you want is to be like Hillary.

"He's probably just friendly to everyone," you decide.

"No way, y/n, you good in the head? This dude only looking at you the whole time," Lisa retorts.

You shake your head in denial but thinking back, it could be true.

There it is again. That nervous, light feeling in your chest.

Oh, God. What if I like him?

Mark flops down on his bed, still not down from the high that he's been on all day. No, not that kind of high. Smile plastered on his face, he runs his fingers through his freshly washed hair, recounting your conversations from earlier.

"Dude, you look so stupid," Jeno walks into their shared room, shirtless from just getting out of the shower. A simple white towel wrapped around his lean torso is the only thing censoring the spectacular scene. Messing his hair with a second towel, he chucks the wet fabric at Mark's face.

"Fuck off," Mark swings it back at the sophomore. This year, he chose to live in a suit with the rest of the guys to save some money. Him and Jeno shared a room while Ten and Haechan occupied the other. It's undeniably small and only has one bathroom, but he is grateful he at least doesn't have to room with Haechan anymore.

Mark's phone buzzes with a notification on his nightstand. Propping himself up with his elbow, he checks to see who it's from.

1 new message from unknown

Mark sighs. If it's these crazy girls again he's going to get really annoyed. Today was a really good day and the last thing he wants is another stranger asking him to father her children. 

Maybe: Yuna?: hey mark, it's Yuna. I got your number from the group chat! If you're not too busy I'd love to talk to you about a few things

Oh crap.

Suddenly nervous, Mark scrambles to sit up properly.

"Text from your new girlfriend?," Jeno taunts unknowingly.

"No, dickhead, it's Yuna," Mark rebuts, thinking hard about a good, casual reply.

"Oh, shit," Jeno states, taken aback. The sophomore swaggers onto his own bed, now sporting a pair of grey sweatpants and a fitted white t-shirt. The bare minimum makes him look like a poster boy every magazine photographer would clamber for. The man could put all models out of work if he had the heart for it. Fortunately, he only has the heart for hockey, video games, and pizza.

Mark: Hey Yuna! What's up?

Yuna: Hey :) nothing much! Not to freak you out, but I know all about your crush on y/n from Ten

Mark: ahaha... yeah I figured

Yuna: ok, so as her best friend and someone who cares about her a lot I just wanna put a few things out there

Yuna: is typing...

Mark watched as the three dots of the impending message taunted him. What could she be talking about? What if you have a boyfriend and Yuna's telling you to back off?

Yuna: if you're going to get close with her, you gotta make sure you keep her safe from those crazy fangirls. Y/N is a shy and sensitive girl she'll definitely take the hate to heart and if Hillary and those other crazy bitches come after her, I won't let you live

Hillary? Mark wracks his brain for any memory of a girl with that name. That girl from calc? No, that's Helen. Hillary...

An image of a mousy girl with red bangs comes into his mind. Ah yes, that's Hillary. She sends him love tweets and gave him chocolates for Valentine's Day.

Mark: I barely know Hillary and I'm pretty sure I've told her I'm not into her, but i'll make sure she knows. Yuna I'm serious about y/n

Yuna: as you should be! She's a real diamond in the rough and she's never confident in herself. All she does is work and study and practice. She never does anything for herself but she never complains either. Also, I don't wanna butt in too much, but I gotta you ask one thing

Mark: yeah ask away!

Yuna: y/n says today is the first time she met you but Ten says you've "been simping for like a year". Add it up for me?

Mark: It's kind of hard to explain... it like... do you believe in love at first sight?

Yuna: HA!!! You're too cute omg

Mark: It's like that but I never had the chance to talk to her... it never seemed right idk

Yuna: boy

Yuna: I had to force y/n to go to your game with me and Ten had to bribe Haechan to set up the picnic today early

Yuna: not to mention we made Hope and Jeno sit together even though they're both awkward just so y/n would have to sit next to you. you better make ur fucking move now

Mark curls his fingers into his blow-dried hair, letting out a low, stressed groan. He's gonna owe the guys big time.

Mark: I really appreciate it! :)))

Yuna: oh and one more thing

Mark: yeah?

Yuna: If you hurt her, I will gouge out your eyeballs and stick them up your ass and while you cry, I'll force feed you your own severed balls until you choke and die. Got it? :D

Holy fuck.

Mark: understood

Yuna: Yay!!! Approved :) good night mark! Nice getting to know you today!

Mark: same here. Night!

Mark's thumbs shake as he types out his final message. So this is what your friends are like, huh? It's such a contrast to your easy-going attitude. A smile spreads across his lips at the thought of you again.

Stretching up to shut off the lamp on his night stand, Mark tucks himself into bed. It's finally happening. You're here. You're right within his grasp. And he wants nothing more than to give you everything you need.

Mark contemplates Yuna's messages as he lay there in the dark; she said you aren't confident in yourself. This comes as a surprise to him. You're so beautiful, smart, kind, funny, and talented, the last thing he expected was that you didn't know it. You exude put-togetherness and wear elegance like a favorite sweater.

His eyes squeeze shut as Mark replays the first night he saw you in his mind. The image is engraved in his brain as he must have revisited that unintentional performance a thousand times.

This whole time, he never got to know you, but today he dipped his hand in the water. And he wanted so much more, to dive in completely and surround himself with you. All this time, he's only been on the sidelines.

I want her so bad

It's time to stop waiting around and get in the game. He's going to talk to you, walk you to class, make you feel special. So much time has already been wasted due to his own fears and misunderstandings. If it's confidence you need, it's confidence he will give you.

Wait for me, y/n, I'm gonna do it right this time

previous || m.list || next 

[kamuisthoughts]

The Actual Rant:

I’m going to begin by saying that I think the ABO dynamic is interesting.

That being said I’ve noticed some recurring and very disturbing themes that are attached to this type of AU, regardless of what fandom you’re reading in. It makes sense to me that a universe where people have secondary genders and are more susceptible to animalistic instincts would have different types of societal issues. This being the disturbing themes I mentioned. The disregard of rape, the gender oppression, the objectification of certain genders, and various forms of dysphoria.

Obviously these themes are extremely dark and unsettling, but what’s worse is how the people that take it upon themselves to write about these things romanticize these horrific issues. Using them as a tool to build a parallel world that would cause the reader to think or reflect on our own society is one thing. That’s what I would like to read. But instead I come across these ABO AUs and find authors downplaying these abominable problems, making it seem as if it’s okay to have these sorts of things happening.

If you tell me beforehand what you intend to do okay, I can just avoid that.

But anyway there’s a difference between building a world with dark elements like these and presenting it as something that is truly disgraceful, but many people in the world do not care or fear fighting against it, and creating a world where it’s obvious that the writer is fetishizing these elements. You can completely change the tone of something depending on how issues are presented, how the characters react to their circumstances.

I hate to see rape happen in a story. I honestly feel it’s the most unforgivable, egregious thing you could do to a person beside murdering them. It’s a form of torture, and I honestly believe this, so it turns my stomach to see people writing stories where characters go through this awful thing, sometimes repeatedly and it’s not accurately addressed. There’s rarely lasting trauma if any. They just kind of take it, they don’t fight, they might even accept it just because the character doing it to them is objectively attractive and that is nauseating to me.

I also hate to see kidnappings and forced marriages in this type of AU, where the author tells you the main character is a “BAMF” or “Strong” individual but this is never actually displayed. Not mentally which I often respect to see in characters and not even hinted at physically either. They’ll maybe have a sassy mouth but still won’t really do anything when their abuser is hurting them. And this is usually moot since the main character oftentimes just simpers for their alpha abuser in the end. They’ll either be too scared to continue to mouth off or be too enamored by the alpha’s physical appearance and scent.

I also noticed Stockholm Syndrome is really common in these stories as well, (should the author actually deign to touch upon the immense trauma rape would cause a person), despite how rare this condition is in reality. This I find maddening. Now, I understand sometimes reality is so painful that someone needs to escape it through delusion so that they can function somewhat coherently. But the fact that there are so many stories where a character is kidnapped, ripped from their life, forced to mate with someone who doesn’t respect them as a fellow human being, raped, forcefully impregnated, and then somehow still falls in love with their abuser is utterly repulsive.

And the thing that really upsets me is the fact that I deliberately exclude tags in my search that denote rape/non-con, underaged, and major character death yet still I come across stories where these things are mentioned. Are happening. They’ll be in the story but not in a story’s tags and just glossed over. I’m not sure if this is deliberate or if some of the writers just don’t understand the magnitude of the themes they’re pushing but regardless I find this unacceptable.

If someone says no and you stick your penis inside of them anyway, that is rape. If you lull them into a false sense of security due to pheromones after they’ve said no and have sex with them, that is rape. If they give up fighting because they know it’s hopeless it’s still rape. I don’t care how physically desirable you are, or how good you smell, or if you feel it’s your “right” to take the other person because you managed to pin them down and you’re stronger. They said no, and even if they didn’t say “no” they didn't say yes .

If someone didn’t say they accepted your advances, that is not dubious consent. That. Is. Rape . And women can be rapists too. Let’s stop pretending that’s not a thing and that it’s not just as bad no matter what gender the attacker is. Can we not try to sugarcoat the horrible things people are writing about and call it “dubious” so people can feel better about romanticizing sexual abuse and getting off on it? Because even if you don’t call a spade a spade it’s still a damn spade.

Now let’s talk about fetishes. I hate when male characters are forcefully feminized when they don’t want to be. Like seriously, a male omega in this type of ABO story could literally say, “I’m a man, don’t call me a wife or a mother” and the other characters will just brush it off, they won’t even address it. They’ll continue to label him incorrectly, continue to treat him in ways that make him uncomfortable, and eventually he’ll just stop getting upset or annoyed and go along with it. This is NOT okay. This happens when a writer likes writing about feminine men.

There’s nothing wrong with a feminine man, that’s not what I’m saying. What’s wrong is when a man is overly sexualized because of his physical appearance and incorrectly labeled by others despite him stating what he identifies as. If you want to write about a gender fluid male omega, do that! Do not write about a male omega who identifies as male and call him a wife just because he can give birth. He is still a husband. He is a man and the other characters should be respecting that.

Then we have the fetishizing of birth or breeding in these AUs. This element of this AU has always been so creepy to me. (And I’m talking about FORCED breeding. Edit added because I didn’t specify this at first).

Omegas in these AUs are seen as the lowest of the low because they have heats, are softhearted, physically weaker, and motherly. Yet despite being chained to the bottom of the societal hierarchy they are objectified by other secondary genders. They are desired just enough for alphas and betas to want to breed with but they aren’t worth equal rights such as choosing their own “mate”, their job, or even walking down the street without fear of being forcefully mounted.

Seldom do I see this issue actually portrayed as an issue. The omegas in the story bat their eyelashes at alphas, and even manipulate them because they know that they are objectified. They aim to get claimed by “strong” and “virile” alphas and to have “beautiful pups”. Like, what?

But okay, I can see that.

You live a certain way you can get used to almost anything, but the fact that it’s rarely more than the main character who wants for more is astounding to me. I guess this is a writer’s way of hammering home how different and “before their time” they want their main character to be but it just comes off as forced, and the main character becomes a novelty. Alphas just want the main even more because they want to break them so they can force them into the role of a “good little omega”.

It angers me to see this type of world building with no consequences. There’s no simmering rage at the lack of justice and equality, there’s no conflict. It’s just, “omegas are cute and sexy and they smell nice”. This just makes all of the characters seem like morally bankrupt sex addicts who’re all some form of insane and I can’t stand it. But I’ll digress.

The true reason I decided to write this rant?

A story.

Yes, I came across a story and for some reason despite the harmless looking tags and my knowledge of how misleading this AU can be I clicked on it. I just wanted to see if I was being too harsh on the ABO AU, if someone could write a story in this type of universe that I could actually bear to read that wasn’t extremely hard to find. (Most of the fics in this AU I come across are the really dark ones).

So, I tried to read an ABO AU for MHA, and I'll tell you now I couldn’t even get beyond the fourth chapter. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Izuku was of course a rare male omega, born in a fantasy world where All Might bestowed upon him the powerful magic of One For All and then dipped. Of course despite having this power Izuku was still a weakling, even though the author tried to say he was strong willed and “unlike most omegas”.

Izuku had to hide his secondary gender. He lived as a quirkless beta with his mother. One day he stumbled across Katsuki, who declared Izuku his “true mate”. Despite Izuku saying he didn’t want to mate with him, Izuku was abducted and forced to be with him simply because it was what Katsuki wanted.

Izuku repeatedly said he didn’t want to be there, that he didn't want to be with this literal stranger, and that he didn’t have any desire to be a baby factory for him but was of course ignored. Long story short Katsuki got his way and Izuku eventually was down with it. Because Katsuki was handsome, well built, and smelled nice Izuku didn’t even bother to stay angry at the injustice of his own situation.

This is one of the many stories in this type of AU I personally find problematic. I don’t care if people write these fics, I just wish they were more responsible about it.

I’ve seen stories where alphas threaten to kill an omega’s family or the omega themselves to force them to mate with them, and are forced to comply. Instead of acknowledging how horrible this is the other characters just sort of treat it like the omega is misbehaving and that they’re cute for being “annoyed”. Like, what? Literally what the fuck. And this is sometimes never brought up again.

Alphas could burn down a whole village, slaughter everyone and take the omegas as sex slaves and still in certain stories this could be romanticized. I can’t get with that. Especially not when the victims aren’t even upset for more than a few days. What the heck!? That was your family!

But what really makes me uncomfortable? When an author makes sure the reader is aware of the fact that an abuser is extremely physically attractive so that people will be less inclined to be disgusted by their atrocious behavior and mentality.

I get it.

Sometimes the inevitable fall is due to true mates and all that. But at the same time, that is absolute bullshit. I wouldn’t give a damn if you were Jesus Christ himself, if you threaten to kill my family, or me, DO these things, disregard my feelings because of what you want and what you have to gain I am not giving you the time of day. Or at the very least if I have no choice I’m gonna utterly despise the person harming me. Come on!

True mates/Soulmates could be so freaking cute. It HAS been. I’ve seen it. There’s good fics out there, I just wish there was more of a selection where certain tropes are implemented in a way that isn’t toxic.

I don’t care how objectively attractive someone appears. I don’t care what “fate” says or what “instincts” denote. What reason do some of these characters have to love their abusers? Let alone be attracted to them? Especially if they never get a heartfelt apology and the alpha doesn’t bother to change significantly to be a tolerable human being. But okay, ABO instincts. Lack of control. I know, okay? But come on, can we switch it up a bit?

Out of morbid curiosity, sometimes when I come across stories I just can’t read because the Non-con is there but it’s not portrayed as traumatic and the author doesn’t even TELL you it’s in there... out of some masochistic need to punish myself I scroll down to read some of the comments and no one, I mean no one addresses how skewed and warped the themes in these stories are. The readers eat it up. And it’s honestly sickening.

But you know what? That’s kind of a lie. Some people do complain but they’re usually just straight up hateful flames and I don’t support those. I wish people could be more constructive when commenting on people’s work.

But anyway, since it was the MHA ABO AU fic that set me off I’ll just continue to use Izuku and Katsuki as examples for my griping. With Izuku as the omega and Katsuki as the alpha.

Many fanfic writers set up their worlds as a means to impregnate Izuku. That’s what I believe. Not ALL fanfic writers that write about this AU do this. SOME of them do! And I’m not saying this is always problematic, but it is when they put certain elements together because they want to write about BakuDeku in a sexual form and don’t bother to note how dark the story elements they’re implementing actually are.

I’m not sure if this is because some of them don’t understand how serious and damaging these things are and can be (rape/sexual coercion/forced pregnancy) or if they just don’t care and find them cute and sexy.

Either way, the things some authors have alpha Katsuki pulling on Izuku are wrong and downright perverted.

Now, I’m not opposed to smut. Sometimes I read stories with smut, that doesn’t bother me. Sex is a natural thing and people do it to show how much they like someone, or even just because it feels good. Whatever, that’s fine. But putting two characters together and saying “this is how it is because fate and forget gradually becoming attracted because I want that sexual tension now!” is something I find greatly unsettling.

If I could see this idea displayed differently maybe I could be equally disturbed, but could grow to accept Izuku and Katsuki (or whoever are the focus of the story) as a pair. Why? Because if the things the alpha is doing are horrible they should be acknowledged as horrible.

A lot of stories could be more interesting to me if the author wrote the things I mentioned above as they actually are, despicable. Instead things a lot of the times are sugar coated, treated as a joke, or downright wrongfully sexualized. Sometimes all three at once! A lot of these fics could have been something I could stomach if treated soundly. Say, Katsuki for example decided Izuku belonged to him and he forcefully mated with him, not allowing Izuku to be with anyone else without serious backlash. If he began to realize that his outlook on life was entitled and morally bankrupt I could totally get with that!

The author in this fake scenario could take the steps to better Katsuki as a person. Izuku of course should rightfully hate this man but could grudgingly begin to see and acknowledge Katsuki trying to change for the better. Then when Izuku manages to let go of his anger for his own sake, (not Katsuki’s) I could probably accept him beginning to notice Katsuki romantically. NOT sexually.

Now if Izuku just has to notice Katsuki’s physical body from the beginning and finds him irresistible because you know, ABO AU instincts and all that jazz—but hated this about himself, the juxtaposition of physical desire but mental and emotional disdain could be fascinating, engaging. It would make Izuku seem more like a person in these stories and less like the idea of a mentally strong omega. (Again, not saying all ABO fics lack good storytelling or compelling characters or any of that).

I could accept this eventual forgiveness and romance scenario because it could be amazing storytelling wise. Allowing the reader to experience a range of emotions due to world building, characterization, character growth, and plot line.

But anyway, I’m not trying to bash the specific story I used as an example above. I realize a lot of people love it and a lot of my language was crude and even rude but I just felt the need to express exactly what I was feeling, and above is what I felt. (I had to cut some things because it was way too obvious which fanfiction set me off and that’s not what I wanted. Didn’t want to throw shade, just wanted to prove a point).

If people want to read those types of stories that’s fine, at least they’re not going out into the world and doing what they’re reading about. Or at least I hope that’s the case.

But anyway, if people are going to read these types of things I think the reality of the content should be aptly acknowledged. No rose colored glasses, because that just makes it so wrong. And no, I’m not talking about being partial to any kind of kinks. I’m talking about a type of ABO fic that is problematic for me. I wrote a whole damn rant, if you can’t glean what I’m saying here I freaking give up.

But more presently, I guess it really comes down to what you prefer. Other people like things that come off as more sensual and carefree.

Personally I make it a point not to read those types of fanfictions because it’s just not my preference. I prefer to read things with dark world building with what I perceive as realistic consequences and real justice. Or maybe just downright cold blooded revenge sometimes. That’s nice too. Everyone is different, and I think I’ve just become frustrated because I’m not finding many stories like that in this AU.

That being said I’ve decided to write a story that I could read. A few, actually. You know what they say, “if you don’t do it, nobody else will”.

[mc-critical]

I've been thinking about Gulnihal and i know somebody already said this (i think it was you?) but its very telling how mc hurrem's first immoral action was against her and not mahi,ibrahim,etc. People really dont talk about it much. I also feel gulnihal was wasted she had much opportunity but then i kinda understand why because that would be an entire new can of worms. I saw a post say they should have made raziye mahi's daughter but also she could been made gulnihal's daughter it would have given hurrem a new maybe temporary antagonist instead of the isabella plot.

Hürrem's first immoral action being towards Gülnihal was said by Joanna in this awesome and detailed post. And it's totally true: in a parallel to Mahidevran beating/poisoning Hürrem, she herself did a very similar thing because her supposed best friend dared to go to SS's chamber. Okay, it's understandable why this is widely considered as a personal betrayal for Hürrem, even if we count the fact that she couldn't simply refuse to go there if she were called, but again, was burning her face truly necessary? Wasn't this a tad too far for a person you were friends with before then? Did this girl deserve such harsh "punishment"? Maybe ignore her, not trust her again even, but this? There is no way I can justify it. Besides, Gülnihal has the right to have an ambition for a higher place in the harem, just like Hürrem and all the other girls there. It is what's expected of everyone in this environment and Gülnihal doesn't deserve to be derided for it, especially not when that is her "biggest sin".

This action of Hürrem's certainly sets one thing straight - she's willing to commit to her life-long goal, no matter who or what stands in her way. She isn't against having friends or making alliances in the harem, and at one point she tries hard to earn everyone's trust, following Nigar's advice, but she wants these friends and alliances to commit as well, to be next to her at every step of the way. But when they do the littlest suspicious action, the tiniest mistake, she gets as cautious as ever towards them. I feel the motto of Hürrem's character is: "Pressure made me who I am." Her experiences in the harem have led to paranoia and constant fear that something bad would happen to her, so she's willing to do anything to lower them. If she considers that one friend of hers poses a threat of sorts, she would go against them. In short words, she went through trauma, but she learned almost effortlessly to inflict that exact same trauma on others.

I agree that Gülnihal deserved better from the show. She is so nice and sweet and after that arc of hers ended she became relegated to a more background role than a full-on supporting character. I would've loved to see more done with her and more conflict between her and Hürrem, more doubt on Gülnihal's part. I know that her being supportive and loyal to her friend is the point of her characterization and perhaps the writers didn't want to break the status-quo in that regard, but say, her not willing to forgive and deciding to leave on her own terms and have that explored and shown to us in its finest detail would be much more satisfying to me.

And that said, the way she actually got out of the show is my biggest problem with her writing that unfortunately, goes beyond her, too. Her ultimate fate is perfectly serviceable in isolation - she got married to a guy and ultimately got out of the toxic harem, a much better ending than nearly the whole main cast! I don't even mind all that much that it happened off-screen during a time-skip and we learned about it in the simplest way possible only after it IN THEORY: but it fails so much IN PRACTICE because of the writers' lacking attempt to set it up beforehand with Gülşah's attempt on Gülnihal's life. Episode 23, as a whole, is filled with drama that is intended as a big deal, but solely turns out to be retroactively unnecessary: I would get it if Gülnihal's stabbing triggered them to marry her off, but it truly didn't when you think about it, because, in the context of the narrative, they could've done this particular exit with Gülnihal anyway! They could've freely pulled it off without that whole drama, since the time-skip is in the next season and is in no way tied up to the events of E23. And in the season finale she seemed to be recovering with absolutely no hints given that she would go somewhere else, let alone marry. This sounds like a nitpick, I know, but what empowers this problem even further is that all of Gülşah's doings in E23 themselves are brushed off almost entirely later. E23 is the climax of Mahidevran's mini-arc in S01 about her constant claims that she isn't a killer and refusal to take away Hurrem's life, which make her object Gülşah's desire to end everything for good. This particular thing has been built-up from as early as E16 and it would be normal for it to reach its culmination. And yet, when Gülşah goes fully against Mahidevran's orders and Mahidevran beats her to death, all of which seems to affect the whole castle and Mahidevran breaks down in denial of what she did, it's as if all this is forgotten, not 3-4 episodes later. Two scenes aside, Mahidevran still trusts her unreservedly and there're no long term consequences for the whole thing, which makes it all pointless filler as a result and I feel that extends to Gülnihal, as well. It's almost like the writers drew themselves into a corner about this situation and the following aftermath of Leo's death and since they couldn't focus on every important thing at once, there was no time for Gülnihal left and simply threw the easiest, most convenient solution they could. It still baffles me to this day.

Gülnihal being a temporary antagonist to Hürrem's isn't a bad idea at all and I would love to see that in the remainder of S01B, but honestly not during the episodes of the Isabella arc. {I would also discard this arc entirely, if I were writing the show (because it's just such a tonal mess), but I would instead focus on Hürrem finding more allies like Gül Aga in the harem and delve deeper into her traumatic reactions to Leo's death and spend more time building up what should've been built-up all that time we wasted on Isabella: Mahidevran falling out of love with Süleiman. That's one of my core problems with E55, because despite of the events before her going in Edirne, the only thing it did is make this whole thing a plot-twist (that, by the way, could render Mahidevran hypocritical in the context of the episode) when it really wasn't, but that's a post for another day and excuse me for the ranting.} I personally would also like Raziye to be Mahidevran's daughter, because of her "false second pregnancy" Gülşah spread the rumor of in S01, but then again, her relationship with Mustafa could lose a little of its screentime then and that screentime is precious, because they really had such a well-written and human relationship. And I'm judging this as an alternative we have from what ended up really happening with Raziye, which was the weakest link of S04 to me and honestly, anything would be better than that. I wouldn't mind if Gülnihal had a daughter and if that daughter were Raziye. Then we would see her dynamic with Hürrem in a new and interesting light and it would've spiced up the narrative a little for sure. Temporary rivalry between them and especially, one after what Hürrem did to her, would've been amazing, I won't lie.

[jurassicparkpodcast]

Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous Season 3 SPOILER Review!

The Third Season of Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous has arrived – meaning we’re bringing you some more content around the show, including our spoiler thoughts on how the third season did when compared to the first two. If you haven’t seen Camp Cretaceous Season 3 yet then click off this article now, as we are going to be discussing some of the key set pieces in this series which make it by far the best one to be released to date. Let’s get into it!

We’ll start by summarising the third season – and, in particular, it’s story. The story of the Campers attempting to get off of the island whilst uncovering that a terrifying new hybrid has broken loose is interesting, with plenty done to explore more of Isla Nublar and, indeed, the terrifying work which Doctor Henry Wu was doing in the shadows of the former Jurassic World. Although the kids ultimately escape the island, this isn’t without a few interesting sequences sprinkled in throughout – including direct tie-ins to Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom, and also hints at the future of Mantah Corp and their research into InGen’s work. The third story feels incredibly well balanced – with lots of fantastic set pieces balanced with meaningful storytelling and interesting characters alongside brand-new dinosaurs. The third season brings us a much more grounded story which aims to fill some of the canonical gaps left by Season Two – creating a story which feels satisfying and fulfilling.

The third season maintains the same cast of characters – with each of them getting plenty of interesting development. Darius, for example, spends some time earlier in the season filling the holes in his notebook – giving us a fun look at a Dilophosaurus drawing indicating he encountered this animal on the island at some point. Kenji struggles with the kids liking him and feels the need to use his wealth to impress them, whilst Sammy worries about what Mantah Corp may have done to her family back home. Each character feels three dimensional in the third season – with some great development showing how they have adapted to their environment. Of note here in particular is the character of Yasmina, who selflessly heads across the island in search on an anti-serum when Sammy is poisoned by the quills on the Scorpios Rex. This animal itself is handled incredibly well – with the kids feeling genuinely in danger at some points throughout the story.

The other dinosaurs in the story are good too – including surprising appearances from both the Ouranosaurus and the Monolophosaurus. These animals do go against the pre-established canon of the island a little bit, with neither of them ever mentioned as being present on Nublar, but it is possible that the prior existing list was only ever intended to reflect the public-facing dinosaurs. These animals get some interesting sequences throughout the story – although there are a lot of the Monolophosaurus at one point in the story. Beyond the small canonical issues here, the only other real issue I had with Season 3 was the fact that the Scorpios was developed before the Indominus Rex. This does retroactively go against a lot of the pre-established timeline in things like the viral marketing – but it is possible that the Scorpios was hidden from existence altogether given it was seen as a failure by Simon Masrani. It is interesting to note that the Scorpios was able to reproduce asexually – suggesting a second E750 which is present in the show was able to grow to maturity incredibly quickly. Perhaps this can be explained by the enhanced growth Bumpy also inherits, however. These small issues aside, Season 3 took big strides to fix my issues with Season 2 of the show – creating a much more well-rounded experience which fits better within the universe of the films.

There were a few moments throughout Season 3 which stood out to me as building on the critiques on Season 2 – the first of which was the Ouranosaurus Attack at the dock as the kids attempt to patch up the damage which Tiff’s boat has sustained. I loved how the ambience in this sequence felt reflective of sequences in both The Lost World novel and in Trespasser – with some fantastic, tense sequences utilising natural fog and darkness to really elevate the stakes and create something which felt darker and scarier in tone than anything beforehand. We don’t often see herbivores as direct threats for the human characters in Jurassic, so the attention to ambience and atmosphere throughout this sequence really helped to make the Ouranosaurus feel more intimidating when they eventually attacked. I also loved how this sequence is later explained as the animals behaviours changing due to the ecosystem being tilted off-balance by the Scorpios Rex – a fun note which perhaps suggests that the Spinosaurus may have had a similar impact on Isla Sorna. This was a really fun sequence and one which I thought was worth highlighting here as I really enjoyed it.

Next up I wanted to talk about a sequence which hits the nostalgia factor and tones it up to eleven – with the pair of Scorpios Rexes hunting the campers through the original Visitor’s Centre. A lot of the sequences in the centre feel very similar to those in 1993’s Jurassic Park – with sequences in the kitchen, in particular, recreating shot-for-shot some of the moments from the kitchen sequence in the first film. I really liked these call-backs as whilst they were quite overt, they felt as though they fitted with the show, and worked incredibly well. I also love how the series initially shows Blue nesting in the Visitor Centre before she heads to the Ford Explorer, as this underpins how much of this animal’s present-day existence is nested in Henry Wu’s past work at Jurassic Park. The Visitor’s Centre is also ultimately destroyed by the Scorpios Rexes during this sequence – with both animals buried by the rubble. Whilst some fans may be upset to see this location destroyed, I loved how it underpins a very core concept moving forwards – highlighting how Henry Wu’s arrogance and continued ignorance in the implications of his science has ultimately destroyed the legacy of the work that both he and John Hammond attempted to do.

Lastly, it’s worth noting that the third season features two bonus episodes – with the final two episodes tying directly into the Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom opening sequence. After Season One of the show, I tweeted one of the writers asking him if there was a chance we’d see reference to this in the future, so seeing this recreated shot-for-shot in the show with the kids watching on as the Indominus sample was extracted was awesome. It was also really cool seeing how Wu’s additional mission was to retrieve his laptop – noting that without it, the work he needed to do on the Indoraptor would take years and not months. This perhaps explains why the animal we see during the Lockwood Manor auction sequence is only a prototype – as Wu ultimately leaves the island without this information. It is interesting seeing some of Wu’s dialogue with Brooklynn throughout these episodes – with the character perhaps showing some small semblance of remorse. Ultimately, however, he leaves the kids on Nublar – reinforcing his status as a character with a questionable moral compass moving into Jurassic World Dominion. I have to admit – the way this tie-in played out was handled masterfully, and I was really happy to see things unfold in the way they did. I genuinely screamed out loud at my screen with happiness at one moment – emphasising how much work went in to nailing this crossover. It’s clear that the team working on Camp Cretaceous went to great lengths to smash the third season – and the result is some fantastic crossover which pays off and builds the lore of Wu’s work in meaningful ways without any of the massive contradictions I was worried these sequences may introduce.

The Series ends with the Campers finally escaping the island – heading off in a repaired boat, although we do see at the very closing moments that something else is on-board and hidden in the lower decks. This poses an interesting question in its own right, as it has been pre-established that Scorpios can self-reproduce – so is it possible a third hybrid existed on the island? If so then this could pose a grave risk to people on the mainland when the campers return there. We also know that Mantah Corp may potentially still be at play – with a quad-copter drone observing the Scorpios Rex on the island. Is it possible this shady corporation may now recover the carcasses of the dead hybrids for their own experiments? And what happened to the pilot of the Helicopter which the kids crashed in? She didn’t appear to have been eaten – but we never see her again after the crash sequence. These are just a handful of the questions we were left with at the end of Season 3 – implying there is more story to be told, even if the third season felt like it reached a nice natural ending for the series as a whole.

Overall, the third season of Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous is fantastic. Do not sleep on this season. It adds a lot to the lore of Doctor Henry Wu and his research, and it builds out a lot of interesting lore for the experiments which were happening on Isla Nublar. It also sets up some interesting plot threads for the future without them feeling overly intrusive and detrimental to the wider story telling in the Jurassic universe. Season 2 of this show left me feeling a little deflated, but Season 3 left me feeling reinvigorated. This wraps up the story of E750 and the wider universe in meaningful ways, and is a fantastic and more mature Jurassic adventure which adult fans will enjoy. I can’t wait to see the reception to this season – and how it informs Jurassic content in the future.

Written by: Tom Jurassic

[apex-academy]

Chapter 5: Caring Is a Hazard to Your Health (#27)

We keep shuffling through the room, and I make sure to check behind the file cabinet with Mahavir’s help, but nothing new is turning up. That’s all right. Wasn’t really expecting anything. 

“So, we good?”

“Yeah, I think we’ve checked everything.”

“Thanks for tagging along.”

“No prob, brah.”

“...”

“Are we going to rejoin the others? I’d like to rest for a bit, but that still requires a group, so to speak.”

“I wouldn’t mind settling down for a while.”

“Like, I still got sports ‘n’ stuff to talk about?”

“I might stick with that side ‘f things.”

“Okay. Guess we’re moving the groups around after all. Think you can make it to the gym, Mahavir?”

“Yes.”

Awful lot of trouble, but off we go. Yuki and, surprisingly, Aidan end up joining our “group” to split up in the dorms. All very exciting.

“...”

Guess I’ll be spending a lot of time in here. It’s roomy, at least. The bath’s fine. Conditions could certainly be worse.

Aside from the killing game.

It’s fine. I can’t see everyone respecting the lockdown rules 24/7, but if the opportunities to kill are still harder to come by... we shouldn’t have much to worry about, right?

...

Yuki, Mahavir, and I have our last cooking lesson for a while, with Tsunyasha hanging around to round out the arrangement. I’d like to think I’m getting better at this, but...

Considering where I started, that may not mean much.

...

“Hello, students! It is now nighttime, so, um! Don’t try to go in the cafeteria or anything, and don’t sleep anywhere but the dormitories! I-I’ll see you in the morning…!”

...

“Um, hello! Good morning! It is now 7:00, so the off-limits areas have been reopened! And, um! You have three days left if you want to save your loved ones! Everyone do your best today…!”

Don’t appreciate the countdown to death there. But I guess it’s also our countdown to going back to normal. 

Well, whatever counts as normal in this place.

Kind of have to wonder what “normal” would even be for us without all of this happening. Considering the people in this class, I doubt it would be any closer to “ordinary”. I can only wonder who’s supposed to be in that resident director office. Are they used to managing crowds like this? I’m sure Apex Academy has turned out its fair share of eccentrics, but it’s hard to imagine this class isn’t full of top runners.

Anyway. I’d better get to breakfast.

I ready myself for the day and head out. Guess I put the speed on today, because I’m the first one in the hall. Then again, half of us are seriously injured, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised.

I start for the main set of doors and reach for a handle. My usual amount of hesitation may be a boon today, because there’s a holler from behind before I can touch it.

“Hey, hey, hang on!!”

I pull back and turn around.

“Good morning to you, too?”

Aidan, still only halfway through his door, pants for a second before wheeling himself farther along.

“Er, yes, that, too, thank you.”

“Anyway, I believe I stated we would all gather before leaving the dorm area for breakfast, so if you don’t mind...”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

I step back just in time for more of us to start filtering in.

“Goooooood morning, everybody!”

“Good morning...”

“Everybody ready to have A Day?”

“Do we have a choice?”

Tsunyasha, when she comes, attempts to shoulder past me.

“Excuse me?”

“If you insist. Consider this a pardon.”

“...”

“What? Do you truly expect me to kowtow to some sinner’s demands?”

“Yes, we do.”

“Goodness.”

“The foolishness in this building is even worse than I had imagined.”

“As fair as that might be, do you mind staying back for one more minute?”

“We only have one more person to wait on.”

“The legless one, yes? I’ve no particular need to greet him.”

“Rude.”

A sudden ripping noise makes me turn around. Aside from Aidan guarding the door with his back to us—guess it’s easier than trying to wheel himself around the other way—nothing seems off.

“Is everything all right...?”

“I think so?”

“Yes, as far as I can tell. At any rate, we might as well keep up conversation.”

“Okay! Does anybody wanna play a game?”

“I spyyyyyy...”

“There’s nothing to spy except doors and each other.”

“Yup!”

Well, he’s sure not disappointed, somehow.

Before he can try to stir up a rousing game of I Spy regardless, Tsunyasha goes over to Kaichi’s door and knocks loudly.

“Fool! Are you yet slumbering?”

So she... is cooperating?

For now. I’m sure she’ll give it up soon enough.

“Let the dude sleep if he wants.”

“Not an option at the moment, I’m afraid. Even if Mister Riseiin will have to go off notes, he is needed at the meetings.”

“Are we discussing x-rays today?”

“My ankle is fine.”

“I doubt that’s the issue.”

“Er, no, I only mean that everyone needs to be present. We’ve gone over this, haven’t we?”

“Uh...”

“I think so!”

Just before Tsunyasha tries to rip the whole doorknob off, Kaichi’s door opens.

“ ‘s there a fire ‘r something, brah?”

“No, you’ve a while yet before you face the pits of Hell.”

“Sweet.”

“Are all of the notes on your door intact, Mister Riseiin?”

Kaichi ducks back to check.

“Looks like?”

“Good. Are we all ready to go, then?”

“Ummm-hummm...”

She heaves a sigh. “At long last, yes.”

The procession heads to the cafeteria, then halves for the kitchen. Apparently Kaichi and I are the guest chefs today, with Yuki and Mahavir at their normal stations. Better than everyone trying to cook in here at once.

And certainly better than trusting Tsunyasha and Ichiriki to make my food for me.

Eventually we settle down for the meeting. Still have a lot of cooking to do after we get through the agenda, though.

“...”

“...”

“Are we... starting the meeting at some point?”

Aidan looks up from his toast.

“Of course! Excuse me.”

He clears his throat.

“All right! Is everyone ready to get down to business?”

“I do wonder, do you even intend to ask anyone besides yourself for announcements this time?”

“If you have anything that goes against our current emergency plan, then no, I would prefer you not announce it or otherwise go through with it!”

“But if there’s anything else of importance, by all means, feel free to announce it!”

“Hmph. What a farce.”

“Kay, if we’re, like, done bashing on each other for no reason?”

“IT’S SPORTS DAY, BABY!″

“A whole day, huh.”

“That’s correct! We’ll begin in the gym, with the possibility of moving on to some other rooms depending on how long the event lasts!”

“You don’t know?”

“We’ll pretty much have the event until one or more of us need to leave, so it’s hard to be sure, yes.”

“Considering certain parties, I’d like to hope we’ll at least be able to start on those terms.”

“By ‘certain parties,’ you mean Tsunyasha, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Yo, Tsuntsun? If you screw this up for us, like, I will beat the crap outta you. Just sayin’.”

“No threats!!!”

“Oh? Don’t you wish you could do such a thing, whelp.”

“Dude, I don’t care what kinda assassin you are, you’re totally not invincible.”

“Like, with all the fancy holy stuff prolly at least mostly? But not totally.”

“How impious.”

“It would be nice if you cooperated, though...”

“We don’t have that many opportunities... to have fun like this, you know?”

“Hmph. I need not bend to your whims.”

“Do you want some dorayaki...?”

“...An exchange could be suitable.”

What a trump card.

“Okay! Once we’ve prepared all our food for the day, we’ll return to our rooms for a few minutes before the sports begin.”

“So we doing, like, Jap’nese school sports festival stuff ‘r what?”

“That would be, like, super fancy?!”

“A bit ambitious for our current situation, I’m afraid.”

“We’ll just have some games that should be manageable for those interested in participating.”

“And plenty of room for those who prefer to watch.”

“Oh, oh!!! Are you gonna do the color commententating?”

“No. He is not.”

“...”

“Aw...”

“But yeah, we got, like, a list of stuff to try and go through?”

“Should I read ‘em off, or should it be a surprise? Hmm...”

“Considering the high likelihood we won’t get through all of them, it may be less disappointing to keep it a surprise.”

“Tru.”

“Is there any setup beforehand?”

“Not really. At least, not for the first event. There may be some setup after that, but we’ll have time to work on it then without keeping everyone waiting.”

I was more concerned about a group going off ahead of time, but I guess that answers the question.

“Any more questions?”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“All right! We’ll have a good deal of time left in the meeting to get the rest of our meals prepared, so if there are any other concerns or announcements, feel free to bring them up anytime!”

“Until then, that’s all I have to say.”

I turn back to my breakfast.

Sports Day, huh? I have to wonder what most of us can do in our condition. But I guess it’s not a bad idea. Get some team spirit going, or something.

Better than sitting around alone thinking about that little sliver of a possibility Monochap’s going to follow through on his threat if no one dies.

“...”

Well, it won’t do me much good to think about it surrounded by people, either. Let’s just keep moving.

[BACK] [NEXT]

[sophrosinn]

indescribable

synopsis: Fashion photographer Bakugou Katsuki’s world got irrevocably changed when he inadvertently met Uraraka Ochako, whose fiery eyes are strangely familiar to him for some reason.

prompt: je ne sais quoi, a French phrase which literally translates to “I do not know what.” It is commonly used to describe a certain quality that cannot be adequately put into words.

word count: 1,628 words

note: Shout-out to @vanaera and @senfleurs for being the bestest friends a girl could ever ask for. Seriously, I hope you both realize just how much your words have motivated me to continue writing.

If you have noticed any inaccuracies, please let me know. Also, I am unsure as to whether or not to continue this. I guess we’ll see in time. Comments and constructive criticisms are highly appreciated! ❤️

—

Under the bright stage lights, as if it was only natural, Katsuki’s eyes found hers immediately among the sea of hopeful faces. She, with her soft pink ensemble, doe eyed look, and short but curvy physique, stood out in the crowd of skinny figures dressed in the fanciest clothes with practiced smiles and brimming with confidence. It was ironic, to say the least, that it seemed that his eyes automatically singled her out when there was nothing remarkable about her appearance: a simple white buttoned top with cut-out shoulders tucked into her pastel green flowing skirt. Her eyes, though, were different from her otherwise inconspicuous get-up. They sparkled with unflinching determination, almost breaking through the surface of her fragile mask of composure. It was a look of pure challenge, taunting and daring, and fuck, it looked really good on her cherub face. Not one to back down from challenges, Katsuki stared right back, unable to stop the feral grin from breaking out on his face.

This should be interesting, he thought.

“You, round face, at the back,” he called out, resolutely, as if there could never be any other choice than her (and perhaps, there never was). His voice reverberated against the four walls of the studio room, halting all the quiet conversations and nervous ramblings among the participants at once. “With the orange headband and grass skirt.”

Everyone turned to look at him, for this was the first time he had spoken after he was introduced ten minutes ago. not that he needed any kind of introduction. He was Katsuki Bakugou, a photographer whose name has long been circulating in the fashion industry for having featured in and worked with various famous magazines. His parents have long since established the family’s reputation by creating the most glamorous and avant-garde designs to grace the catwalk. While Katsuki chose a path for himself, opting instead to work behind a camera, he did not stray too far from his parents’ influence. 

Nonetheless, in spite of his wish to separate his career from his parents’ connections, he quickly rose to fame for being a Bakugou. Katsuki, being his usual self, did not bother to prove himself to anyone else. After all, his photographs, which were more than enough to showcase his abilities, never failed to capture the candidness and reality beyond the fabricated portrayal of the world of fashion. 

And now there he was, inside a spare atelier in his parents’ building, searching for a suitable candidate for his next project. Given his work history, it was not unusual that out of all the stunning women occupying the same room as him, he chose her.

She, who must have been unconsciously looking at him, but was actually intensely focused on something else. Because the second he pointed at her form, she froze. As did everyone else, and a beat of unnerving silence passed. 

Her eyes went wide in bewilderment, surprised at the sudden attention. When she answered, it was meek and hesitant. “M-me?” She pointed at herself, and under the scrutinizing eyes of the other hopeful attendees, she reminded him of a gazelle about to be preyed upon by a pack of hungry lions.

It was fucking hilarious to Katsuki, the duality with which the girl held herself. Just a moment ago, he glimpsed a vexed goddess, looking every bit as someone rudely awakened from her eternal slumber. Now, it’s gone, and there’s barely a trace of her left in this fragile girl. 

“Yes, you,” he replied, “what’s your name, round face?”

Ah, there it fucking was, he thought as he was regarded with that same blazing look in her eyes. But as quickly as it came, it was gone underneath her lids as she closed her eyes. She took a deep breath before replying in a steady voice, “Ochako Uraraka, sir!”  

Although he was expecting it, he had to admit that he was surprised to hear the strength in her voice. From that distance, he can almost see her fists clenched at her sides. 

“Uraraka,” he breathed, amused at how strangely natural it seemed to roll off his tongue. “Follow me then.”

Uraraka immediately nodded, squeezing in between the women standing in front of her, before following Bakugou who’s almost out the door. However, Kirishima, Bakugou’s optimistic friend and close companion, stopped him from leaving by asking: “but what of the other girls?” 

“Escort them to the exit, and make sure they don’t loiter and find any of the old hag’s stuff lying around. It’s almost fashion week, you know how fucking chaotic it gets.”

“Got it, Bakubro.” Kirishima saluted him, about to turn the other way when he immediately stopped. “Even if I’m so not your assistant.”

Smirking, Bakugou crossed his arms and raised one of his eyebrows at Kirishima. In return, Kirishima stared at him unnervingly, and by the looks of it, it seemed like an unspoken conversation was ongoing between the two men. 

In the end, Kirishima sighed good-naturedly, putting his hand on Bakugou’s shoulder. “This is why they say you run your assistants dry,” Kirishima quipped, shaking his head at Bakugou before he turned to the side, smiling brightly at Uraraka. “Nice to meet ya, Ms. Uraraka! I’m Kirishima! Play nice, Bakubro!” 

With that, he winked at Bakugou and took off.

“That dumbass,” Bakugou muttered, walking out the door and motioning for Uraraka to follow him. 

In the silent hallway, Uraraka cleared her throat awkwardly. “Uh, Bakugou-san? Sir?”

He grunted in response.

“I just want to say thank you for choosing me. I know I’m not that pretty as all those other girls, and given that I just came from the province, I probably wouldn’t know what to do but I promise I will do—”

“Tsk.” He clicked his tongue and ran a hand over his hair in frustration. Apparently, this girl has not seen any of his works; when did he ever choose a conventionally pretty model? He, honest to God, never cared for looks; his photographs attest to that fact. “Don’t be fucking daft, I didn’t choose you because you’re pretty.” He paused and turned around, intending to let his words sink in. 

At the same time, he also took the chance to look over her form (average height, chopped angled bob cut for her brown hair, functional clothes), which, as he noted beforehand, were nothing out of the ordinary. He gazed at her face, and as he did, he was once again greeted by those fiery eyes—that same look which demanded his attention. There was a fire burning just beyond the surface of her brown irises, as bright and dazzling as the afternoon sun, when her face twisted in irritation. He was pleasantly surprised to see that. But in just a blink of an eye, the look was gone, replaced instead by embarrassment as she averted her gaze away. 

Bakugou internally groaned. Dumbass wears her fucking heart on her sleeve. How. Wonderful.

“You’re right, I'm not pretty,” she eventually whispered, quite dejectedly if he must note.

“Listen, it’s because I am not looking for someone pretty—if I were, you wouldn’t be my first choice. And goddamn, are you blind or something? You are pretty.” At that, she jolted in surprise and stared at him, dumbfounded at the sudden compliment. Fuck, even he was shocked at himself. “Not beautiful, just, pretty, urgh, fuck off,” he immediately amended which earned him a giggle. 

“Really?” she cheekily replied, and he ignored her in favor of maintaining his cool. 

“Here’s the thing, the fact that you’re here means that you thought you’ve got what it fucking takes to succeed in this line of work.” She nodded, opening her mouth, perhaps intending to contradict him but he wasn’t quite finished chiding her. “And goddamn, you do. Don’t waste my time and my fucking trust, which I don’t freely give to just some random extra, if you’re just gonna spout some nonsensical bullshit about your appearance or whatever fucking absurd things you’ve got going inside that head. I’ll say this only once: this industry is not for the bitch ass whiny pissbabies, and if you think you are one of those, then fuck off and don’t return.”

Fucking hell! So much for cool. 

He took a deep breath, releasing the tension in his shoulders, before he turned to look at the round-faced newbie whose face’s—wait, what the fuck, are his eyes deceiving him or does she really have the guts to outright laugh at his face?

“What’s so funny, huh?”

Uraraka spluttered, covering her mouth to stifle her giggles but it was for moot. He watched dumbly as she tried to stop her laughter, eyes crinkled with tears flowing down to her rosy cheeks. Frozen still, immobilized by the ringing sound of her carefree laughter in his ears, Bakugou had the sudden urge to reach for his camera and immortalize the breathtaking moment. 

“You, Mr. Bakugou, sir! Thank you for your words, as harsh as they may seem, I mean—that was your attempt at bolstering my confidence, right?”

“Fucking—call me Bakugou. Don’t add any ‘sir,’ makes me feel goddamn old.”

“Well, your scowl certainly makes you look like a grump,” she offhandedly commented. 

“What?!” he barked. This chick was really testing the limitations of his short fuse, huh? 

She immediately jerked upright at the tone of his voice. “Nothing, si—I mean, Bakugou! E-he.”

He exhaled through his nose. “What-the-fuck ever, I’m out of here. Tell that red-headed idiot,” he pointed at Kirishima who’s running to catch up to them, “your contact details. Or don’t, see if I care.”

“Don’t worry, Bakugou,” she called out behind him, “I won’t give in! I'll have you know I'm tough!”

He didn’t doubt her one bit.

[the-desolated-quill]

It’s Summer And We’re Running Out Of Ice - Watchmen (TV Series) blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. if you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I’m not going to lie. I was incredibly sceptical going into this. This isn’t the first TV adaptation of a classic novel to go beyond the source material and try to continue the story, and they nearly always suck (see The Handmaid’s Tale and The Man In The High Castle). There’s a reason why books end where they’re supposed to end. If the author intended to carry the story on, they would have done so. This is why I get angry when the TV industry arrogantly oversteps the mark and try to continue a plot that has already come to a satisfactory conclusion. Doing a sequel to Watchmen, a story that hinges on the ambiguity of its ending, is just utter madness to me, and allowing Damon Lindelof to write that sequel borders on moronic at first glance. This is the man behind the TV series Lost, a show that ran out of steam within the first couple of episodes due to the fact that the plot was complete and total bollocks and the fact that nobody could be bothered to come up with satisfying answers for these ludicrous mysteries and series arcs beforehand. They were just making that shit up as he went along. Now you’re handing Lindelof the keys to one of the most intricate and detailed comic book properties of all time?! Fuck, why don’t you just let JJ Abrams direct the next Star Wars mo- Oh yeah, I forgot, he already did that.

Thankfully, judging by this first episode anyway, HBO’s Watchmen is nowhere near as bad as Lost. It’s certainly far more engaging and coherent. Does that mean I’m looking forward to the rest of this season? Well... I don’t know if I’d go that far. I’m definitely intrigued though.

HBO’s Watchmen is a sequel to the graphic novel (Lindelof called it a remix, but come on. Grow a pair and call it what it is. A sequel). Superheroes are still illegal, Robert Redford is now the President, Rorschach’s death has inspired a white supremacist cult, and it’s raining squid.

Yeah, the raining squid thing feels like the only egregious bit of fanwank in here, to be fair. Maybe they’re going somewhere with this, but I have my doubts. Are we supposed to assume that Ozymandias has been making squid rain for the past thirty odd years in order to keep up the whole alien invasion ruse? Why squid rain? And why is everyone so nonchalant about it? Shouldn’t people be just a bit concerned by this, considering what happened in New York?

Speaking of Ozymandias, we see him riding a horse and writing plays for his butler and maid in some fancy mansion. Quite what the significance of The Watchmaker’s Son is, I don’t know. All I do know is I’m not going to be able to sleep at night without thinking about Jeremy Irons’ thighs from now on, so thanks for that.

Putting my cynicism aside for a moment, I do like what Lindelof is trying to do here. He’s not merely cashing in on the Watchmen brand. There is a genuine effort to do something fresh and different with this material, and I commend that. Watchmen’s central theme has always been about power, but whereas the source material focused mainly on its relation to sex (Comedian’s hedonism, Nite Owl’s impotence, Rorschach’s mummy issues and the sexual objectification of Silk Spectre), the TV series seems to be zeroing in on race as a topic. This I applaud. Expanding on certain areas that the graphic novel only ever really touched upon is a great idea. This doesn’t feel like a repeat of the graphic novel, but rather a clarification of it, exploring areas and themes that Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons may have overlooked. This helps set this series apart from the outset. 

The opening scenes where we see the Tulsa Massacre of 1921 is a pretty harrowing way to start. I’m ashamed to say I had no idea about the Tulsa Massacre prior to this, and we could have a whole other discussion about why schools seem to have been avoiding teaching specific topics like this in favour of the broad strokes of the Jim Crow era, but now is not the time. The fact that it’s depicted here sets the stage for what’s to come. Some have criticised the show for the length of time the opening focuses on Tulsa, claiming that it sensationalises the pain of black people at that time. I personally don’t think it does. It’s not overly graphic or gratuitous, at least in my opinion, but it is a very shocking way to open a series. Some might say even upsetting, but I think it’s important that we saw this because it’s relevant in setting the tone for the episode and indeed the season as a whole, as well as letting the audience know that this show isn’t going to fuck around or shy away from more sensitive topics, and I can respect that. Unlike Zack Snyder’s overly stylised adaptation from 2009, Watchmen the HBO series is grounded very firmly in reality.

Let’s discuss characters. This episode mostly focuses on Angela Abar, also known as Sister Night. Regina King has given some terrific performances in the past and this is no exception. She’s simply phenomenal. The way she switches from light-hearted wife and baker to violent, no nonsense vigilante cop. The shift is noticeable and yet both personas feel like they’re aspects of the same character. It’s exceptionally good. It also helps that the character herself makes for a great protagonist. Having survived the ‘White Night’ four years prior, where the Seventh Kavalry attacked the families of forty Tulsa police officers in response to the government giving special reparations to the victims of racial injustice, Angela has become cynical and battle hardened. She has no sympathy for Kavlary members and is willing to skip due process by beating one of them to a pulp and bundling him in the back of her car. She’s angry and in pain, and yet retains the audience's sympathy. I’m interested to see what happens to her over the course of the season.

I also really liked her friendship with Don Johnson’s character Judd Crawford. Johnson is a charismatic performer and Crawford is a charismatic character. He really dives into the olde western sheriff persona and seems to be having a lot of fun with it. Crawford is the only other character, besides Angela, who stayed on as a police officer after the White Night, and the two characters seem to have a great relationship. They laugh and joke around and there’s clearly a mutual respect between the two. I genuinely like this character, which is what makes his murder at the end so much more heartbreaking. Not to mention all the little details that force us to realise he may not be what he seems. We see him sniff cocaine in private and there’s a photo on his desk featuring the kid from school who aggressively asked Angela why black people deserve reparations. It doesn’t necessarily mean that Crawford himself is racist, but there’s clearly more going on with him that we don’t know about.

The final character of interest at the moment is Tim Blake Nelson’s character Wade Tillman, aka Looking Glass. We don’t know anything about him yet other than he’s a human lie detector, which I find very intriguing and I hope will be explored further as the show goes on. There’s a lot to play around with there, and the moral implications are tantalising. A conviction based not on physical evidence, but rather on the observations of one man. Even Sherlock Holmes has to back his deductions up with evidence, and yet Looking Glass clearly doesn’t need to. That just raises so many ethical questions. What if he has a particular bias towards someone? What about burden of proof? What if forensic evidence contradicts him? If Looking Glass is supposedly that accurate, does that mean the police will side with him regardless? It’s a great premise for a character and I really like Nelson’s performance, giving him a cold and detached personality that contrasts beautifully with Angela’s.

The characters and ideas are solid, however where I feel the show is lacking is with the consistency of its world building. Let’s analyse. This is an alternate history where Nixon used superheroes to extend his term limits, but after the New York attack at the end of the graphic novel, he’s been kicked out in favour of Robert Redford (nice nod to the source material there by the way. lol). As a result, black people got reparations for the racial injustices their ancestors went through and police are now unable to openly carry firearms without special permission from Panda (literally a cop wearing a panda costume). However, after the events of White Night, the government agrees to allow cops to wear masks to protect their identities, hence why quote/unquote ‘superheroes’ like Sister Night and Looking Glass are around despite the existence of the Keene Act. These are, in effect, legal vigilantes. Except already there’s a problem with conflicting messages. I like the idea of masked cops. In the current age of Black Lives Matter and police accountability, it makes sense and could be interesting to explore. However this is hindered by the whole ‘no guns’ stuff. Again, not a bad idea. America’s current gun laws are, to put it mildly, woefully inadequate. What if we went the other way? What if not only was it near impossible to own a gun, cops couldn’t even use a taser without special permission. Both ideas could work... but not at the same time.

Cops being allowed to wear masks creates the effect of empowering them through anonymity, and runs the risk of officers overstepping the mark and normal citizens being unable to hold them to account. But on the other hand, we’ve also got cops whose lives are constantly at risk and who are hindered in their duties by an overprotective nanny state, which effectively depowers them. So... which is it? It can’t be both. I like the scene where Panda reads the law about how the use of firearms can only be permitted in extreme circumstances, and everyone just angrily shouts him down because it tells us how the police feel about this new system. The fact that they’ve made one cop the sole arbiter of these new restrictions and forced him to dress like some ridiculous furry demonstrates the sheer amount of disdain they have towards this policy. But having said that, with the masks on, they have the power and freedom to break into people’s caravans and basically kidnap and assault them without consequence anyway. So what the fuck are they complaining about? It just doesn’t gel together. Either have it that the rules and regulations of the police are the same as our world except that cops can wear masks now, which has led to an increasing problem of police brutality and corruption, or have it that the police are being too heavily restricted and so a few have chosen to turn toward more ‘unorthodox’ methods of crime fighting out of frustration. Pick one and go with it.

Then there’s the Seventh Kavalry. Again, not a bad idea. In fact I love it. A white supremacist cult that’s taken Rorschach’s journal as gospel and have banded together out of a fear of being sidelined in a more liberal world. Very relevant and very interesting. Except... well... there’s not an awful lot to it, is there? In the original graphic novel, there was no clear bad guy. Ozymandias believed he was doing the ultimate good by killing millions of people to save the world, and everyone reluctantly went along with it. It was morally complicated. This, not so much. They’re unambiguously evil. The end. So what? What is there to discuss? It just feels lacking compared to the graphic novel and it runs the risk of creating a conflict that’s too clear cut. Obviously we’re going to end up siding with the cops, regardless of what they do, because the alternative is objectively bad. Hopefully Lindelof is going somewhere with this, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t say I was slightly concerned.

So on the whole, would I say I enjoyed this first episode? Well... I’d say I did, but with reservations. There’s some good characters and ideas that could be interesting to explore and develop, but its execution feels a little shaky in places. Hopefully the episodes to come will offer further clarity.

[jinjojess]

Jess Talks FE3H

I had a Thought the other day that I shared on my Twitter, and @goldstarzzz asked for some elaboration on it. Since Twitter sucks for nuanced, long-form discussion, I decided to type it up on my blog instead (though the draft I was working on during my trip home on the train has been lost twice because of annoying reasons I don’t want to get into now).

Be forewarned that I’m gonna be verbose here, so this shit will be long.

Obviously, we’re going to touch on some FE3H spoilers, so be aware of that.

I haven’t finished any of the routes yet, but there’s something that I want to discuss about the game--namely Edelgard and how if you aren’t on her route you get very little in the way of context for why she does the things she does.

While on one hand, I like how realistic that restricted perspective is, since in real life you don’t know the motivations and past experiences that have shaped a person unless you actually do make an attempt to engage with them and get to know them, and it fits in nicely with the themes in Three Houses of how history is written by the winners, everyone is the Hero of their own story, and conflicts are not Good vs. Evil so much as clashes of worldview/agenda between groups of fallible individuals.

However, the fact that you don’t get any context at all from the other routes does Edelgard dirty as a character, and is where we get these tiresome, dumbass takes like “Edelgard is literally Hitler” and “Edelgard just does things for no reason” from fandom members who are only engaging the narrative on a superficial level. 

(As an aside, there’s nothing wrong with just taking a narrative at face value, but you do have to give up any claim to commenting on its non-subjective quality if you do that.)

And I mean yeah, if you’re on one of the other routes then it does kind of seem like Edelgard’s heel turn comes out of nowhere, rather than a steady, uneasy build to an eventuality. In a game where you couldn’t get close to her beforehand and see the dominoes lined up along the fault line, as it were, this would be Bad Writing (e.g., Monica/Chronia), but you can take the time to hear Edelgard out and listen to her justification before that happens. She’s a playable character with an actual route, which is a big departure from the usual villain.

The things Edelgard is fighting for are objectively good: eliminating the aristocracy; disrupting the Church’s unquestioned authority; dismantling obsession with crests and fate and birthrights. She’s a trauma survivor who wants to help people who have been hurt and destroyed by the machinations of the Rich and Powerful. 

Her methods may not be ideal, but honestly, is she doing anything any different from anyone else in the game? It’s possible she does and I haven’t seen that yet, but so far the things you do on her route aren’t much different than the things you’ve been doing all game already, just under the banner of Seiros. Sure, you have no emotional connection to the NPCs from the East or West Churches, but that doesn’t change the base fact that you’re still going out to exterminate them at the behest of someone who outranks you.

Edelgard and her route’s existence is a challenge to the status quo of Fire Emblem--it makes the player question the usual set up of Good Guys vs. Bad Guys, makes you stop and wonder if hey, maybe all these brigands you’ve been hacking through have the same level of interiority and charm as the characters you’ve been playing as.

The problem with this is that Three Houses is still a Fire Emblem game. Yes, what you’re fighting for is ostensibly different, but the way you get there is identical: kill off the Enemy until they run out of guys on the map. So even if the point is that Edelgard’s goals are lofty but her methods are unacceptable, the entire theme goes belly up since Claude and Dimitri are basically using the same methods. Unless they have some mechanic I haven’t heard about where you can diplomatically resolve conflicts, they are functionally identical to Edelgard with regards to what they actually do. 

This dissonance between the themes and the mechanics reminds me a lot of Pokemon BW, with N and Team Plasma. They’re positioned to address the elephant in the room re: Pokemon’s base premise, but then because they’re restricted by the mechanics, every dispute is resolved with a battle, which kind of undermines the whole thing. Even N, who is depicted as the one who most sincerely believes in pokemon autonomy and rights, still battles you to prove that battles are unethical.

Is this realistic in that many real people will use noble goals as a smokescreen for their actual, more selfish agenda? Sure! But while that applies nicely to Ghetsis and his little cult, N feels more like he’s intended to be an anti-villain, someone who Has a Point Actually, and you should critically examine your actions in-game. It’s far more powerful when the antagonist isn’t actually wrong, just different from you, and it’s a shame that N had to sacrifice some of his integrity as a character to fit into the format of a Pokemon Game.

Going back to Edelgard, while I’d 1000% percent be down to be able to play from the perspective of someone who’s manipulating people under the guise of social reform, that a) doesn’t seem to be the intention, and b) doesn’t really fit with the other themes of moral relativity. If you make Edelgard a Bad Guy but Claude and Dimitri Good Guys (or Neutral Guys, even), that doesn’t really say much about the nature of conflict.

So it seems like Edelgard should be just as sympathetic as the other two leads, yet there’s some really troubling things in the way. 

For one, the fact that she’s a noble herself and the heir (later Empress) to vast resources, including a military that unquestionably heeds her, makes her crusade feel more like condescending Noblesse Oblige rather than a revolutionary uprising. There’s a kind of scummy appropriative element to it that is difficult to ignore, especially since you have Dorothea right there, who’d make a much better figurehead for this movement than the heir apparent to a goddamn Empire.

(Side note but Edelgard also has the misfortune of being a literal Imperial, which in today’s society is not a connotation neutral thing. Being from a “kingdom” or an “alliance” is quaint, but “empire” has become such a staple trope for villains that it’s not even surprising that she’s the one who heel-turns. Add in the fact that Hubert is presented the way he is, and it becomes really obvious which of the Three Houses is going to be the Problematic One. Fire Emblem just can’t help being itself, even when it’s toying with more mature themes.)

But on an even more general level than that, Edelgard’s convictions get a bit undermined when her goal is “stop the powerful from using the less fortunate as pawns” but all of her victories happen thanks to...putting her social inferiors in mortal peril. 

Like yeah, right after you choose to side with her (and she manages to get over the vapors that induces), she has that moment where she appears to be cognizant of the paradox, but I somehow feel like her route isn’t going to end with her dissolving the Empire and handing off all the power to the populace.

She can’t, because this is a Fire Emblem game, and in Fire Emblem games, you win the war at the end. There’s a heavy cost, of course, and we’re all going to have a moment of silence about it, but there’s still a victory and a happy ending when it’s all said and done.

Obviously, if this doesn’t happen at the end, and all four routes (including the Church one) close on a Pyrrhic victory or something, then I will stand corrected and be very pleased. However, my money is on the standard happy ending that conveniently ignores that the common folk are going to be feeling the effects of the war long past any of the privileged, powerful people in your game.

So yeah, that’s my thoughts on how I think Three Houses took some really interesting steps toward being more nuanced, but still gets tripped up on its identity in some ways. Given the way the narrative is set up, this ends up affecting Edelgard way more than the other characters.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[bat-lings]

Hey, you mentioned in an earlier ask any Damian that Tim was also low-key sexist and tbh I'd love examples cause I feel like this has never been brought up and it's interesting??? Anyway, thanks Ur stuffs super interesting and insightful!

Thanks for your interest & nice words!

Let’s be clear tho Anon (I assume it’s the same Anon both times?), you are 200% entitled to disagree with me. Yes I am unapologetic about my opinions and write looong paragraphs of questionable pertinence to give arguments but like. The goal is to explain “why I think what I think,” never to tell you “why you should think what I think”. You’re very much welcome for the Damian post btw

Now I think Tim, precisely, shows internalized sexism. Doesn’t change the end result all that much though.

Random sequences

Let’s get the most straightforward stuff out of the way.

[Robin (1991) #1 || Robin (1993) #43 & #179 || Detective Comics (1937) #687]

Dunno about you but the first two are particularly cringey for me. That and the agenda section.

Okay to be fair: He does attempt to defend Lynx (first example) beforehand, throwing the on-point “she doesn’t have to go with you if she doesn’t want to” line. All is good for five seconds and then he goes “maybe she likes that treatment”.

We may have different sensibilities but the mere fact that that went through his head for even a second is the perfect illustration of what’s internalized sexism imo. Conscious thought & action level: A+ behavior (being able to identify a visibly wrong situation and taking action against it). Unconscious level: blatant sexism (”maybe she likes it” aka a less visible/more subtle manifestation of bigotry).

He has a… pretty specific way to regard women’s agenda. And is overall patronizing to straight-out disrespectful.

Tim’s treatment of Steph is a well-known fact but this is a call-out post so have a non-exhaustive bunch of examples:

[Robin (1993) #4, 41, 35, 44 || Batgirl (2009) #8]

On we go and see how there’s absolutely no ill-intent on Tim’s part in the next examples, yet I have a big problem with how he’s considering the ladies’ agency:

[Robin (1993) #182 || Red Robin #10]

Notice how it’s all about him whether the lady obeys him or not. His failure to impose the necessary authority or his failure to give the right directions. The girls’ choice/independence just doesn’t factor in. It’s a cop and a vigilante we’re talking about, not some civilians caught in the crossfire.

((btw it’s disputable but his apology in RR#10 is too little too late as far as I’m concerned. Tim gets a pass since Nicieza has him referring to his dumbass traitor!Steph arc but he doesn’t deserve any additional credit either. Okay no I’m being mean, he gets kudos for making a step in the right direction with Steph. Tiny kudos. It’s a tiny step.))

[Red Robin #5]

Tam? Okay. She’s the civilian who got embarked into this crazy story, she is in need of saving. But Prudence? Maybe don’t automatically assume that the assassin needs you to pat her on the back to even consider pursuing her own wishes, Timmy.

Tim can be arrogant to everyone yeah (more on that later), but I don’t remember him negating a man’s agenda like that.

[Robin (1993) #25]

Yeah the kid who will feel betrayed when Bruce tells his identity to Steph just elected to tell her name to Connor whom they both don’t know well yet. While talking in her place rather than letting her answer for herself (something he’s done on several occasions). Then he attempts to decide for her whether she has a right to participate, again. On that note: thank you Connor for putting Tim in his place, that sure doesn’t happen often.

[Robin (1993) #6 & #28]

Uh, yes you can. Give the adult woman who’s been handling Gotham’s streets since before you were born some credit, Tim?

As for Helena, the scene in itself is… well, not okay exactly. He’s basically dismissing her wish to handle a personal matter alone, which could imply he doesn’t think the other adult woman who’s been handling Gotham’s streets since before he was born can handle the case.

I’m just putting it with his constant attempts to keep Steph from participating, often to cases that concerned her directly, and how he tends to take it personally when she doesn’t obey… but he casually brushes off Helena when she’s saying she’ll handle a personal case alone. Double standard? Maybe I got too specific a reading but. I don’t remember that sort of thing happening between Tim and male characters– do call me out if I’m remembering wrong though.

And then there’s the “another vigilante” remark.

Anyway yes Tim can be arrogant towards both men and women. Much like Damian being antagonizing to everyone didn’t negate the possibility of him being sexist, Tim being generally arrogant doesn’t negate that possibility for him either.

Plus the only male characters I’ve seen him be that patronizing with are Chris Kent in World’s Finest #3, and Damian. The ten-year-old who’s regularly antagonizing him and does deserve to be put in his place. Oh yeah, and maybe Dodge, another brat. So yeah I do think there’s a slight difference between Tim’s treatment of men and women, if only in frequency. (and in intensity tbh.)

Yes, he’s been consistently disregardful to his girlfriends.

Anon, you say very rightfully that we shouldn’t automatically assume it’s due to them being girls. Please believe it’s not a conclusion I’ve come to automatically though:

A) While I realize that Tim only having canon girlfriends is due to heteronormativity & homophobia rather than a conscious writing intent to highlight any character trait, assuming that he wouldn’t have behaved better with boyfriends is pure speculation– aaand I am totally speculating he’d behave better if only because he’s never that patronizing or that dismissive of his peers’ agency (examples above) when they’re men. that’s part of why I ship tim/kon more easily than tim/steph.

B) Like with everything I brought up on this post I’m not considering his behavior with his romantic partners separately. It’s a character fault that could take its roots in several things, but Tim’s global characterization makes me think the root is sexism.

C) I understand why you’re thinking there’s no reason to conclude his disrespect is due to them being women; in the same vein I think there’s no reason to conclude it’s not. It’s kind of a stalemate and both conclusions are valid.

Skipping Tim’s habit to break up by letter or by phone, ‘cause that’s not cool and obviously disrespectful but even I think it’s more due to cowardice/inadequacy than sexism.

I don’t think I need to speak about Steph again. Let’s go with Ari. Who Tim casually cheated on by kissing Steph on several occasions.

Being a cheat is, in itself, a distinct character flaw that doesn’t always takes its root in sexism. Plus it’s something I have my reasons to assume Tim has grown out of.

It’s his reaction when he learns about Ariana “"cheating”“ on him (she went ice-skating with another dude once in the 87 times Tim stood her up) that ticks me off. Btw and unlike Tim who didn’t seem to feel all that guilty, Ariana did try to tell him about it but he fell asleep during her confession.

[Robin (1993) #15 & #17]

Two things bother me here, a lot more than the cheating in itself: the possessiveness and the hypocrisy. You really don’t have a right to go all “My Ariana” and to chew her out for the grand treachery that is ice-skating when you’ve been casually kissing Steph, Timbo. What those panels prove is that there’s a double standard in Tim’s head. Which one exactly is up to your interpretation and that’s probably where we’ll end up disagreeing. I read it as the “proper girls don’t get close to several boys at one time, but boys who get close to several girls are either ladies men or boys being boys” double-standard, hence Tim’s blatant lack of self-awareness here.

Btw and the thing that solidified my opinion here: Tim, as a rule, tends to be pretty self-aware, at least retrospectively. He puts himself into question and has no problem admitting when his judgment was clouded. I dunno take YJ #55 or Robin #119 for example (I even selected examples that both have Tim recognizing he wronged a girl!)

So if he’s generally self-aware, but doesn’t see anything wrong with his own behavior in the specific situation where he’s cheating on his girl then chewing her out? I explain it with the above double-standard. He internalized a mindset that keeps him from realizing how hypocrite he’s being in this situation. Also he doesn’t confront Ari immediately, he had time to think about it, it wasn’t a spur of the moment thing. That should’ve been enough to allow him to step back and evaluate himself but he just. Didn’t.

Bonus: Jack has been hinted to be sexist, and contrary to Tim it’s safe to assume that was totally intentional.

[Batman (1940) #441 || Robin (1993) #122]

Only two occurrences in decades of canon arguably don’t make for solid basis but they still allow me to build a coherence since our parents do influence us without us realizing. And given how much Tim loved his dad (he said himself how much he got from Jack), it sure isn’t an element that could plead against him being sexist.

.

There’s a bunch of other sequences that I low key read as sexist, but that I’m more mitigated about or in which I gave Tim a pass for various reasons so I didn’t include them here.

All in all when I take a solid look at Tim’s global behavior, I see sexism. While it may not be a “solid canon fact” since it surely wasn’t intentional on the writers’ part, I really don’t think it’s an unreasonable thing to infer from his very canon behavior. And tbh writer intent doesn’t excuse much. Factually speaking that portrayal has been there since Tim’s early days,he’s been consistently dismissive & disrespectful of his female peers and/or of their wishes and agency. It’s part of him & his history.

It’s not incoherent with his character either– Tim has always been intended to represent a normal boy/teen (dude was legit marketed around the fact that he’s relatable). It’s not baffling or coming out of nowhere that a random teen just so happened to have internalized sexism. It’s pretty damn common, even. It’s not like Tim being sexist was a brutal turnaround that contradicted what makes the core of his character to the point of making him unrecognizable (*cough* Talia’s current characterization *cough*).

Hope this explains that.

Thanks for the asks!