#but if i tag it then people can blacklist and i don't have to deal with antis

[tokkias]

Okay I just saw your juvia reading Lucy’s articles and how they’re best friends and wanted to know if you had any friendship head cannons? I personally think that juvia and lucy have sleepovers sometimes and do their full on spa pampering and gossip together. Juvia totally showed lucy some conditioner that helps with keeping your hair soft because juvia is often in the water and that can dry your hair out. Other than levy juvia also knows of Lucy’s crush and is soooo supportive because she knows how hard it was for gray so juvia is more just there to listen and give advice rather than push lucy. They did a unison raid like they love each other and I’m always here for girls supporting girls! Anyways hope you’re doing well!

yes!!! sigh sigh mashima has really shafted these two for the whole. love rival thing when they literally!! have such good friendship potential <3

juvia and lucy are girl talk buddies fr

both of them grew up pretty isolated so they never had anyone to just gossip and talk about "girl stuff", so to speak

juvia has tried to talk about girl stuff with gajeel but when they joined fairy tail he was like. "look at all these women who im sure are friendly and actually want to talk to you about this stuff. now leave me alone"

(she still tells him all the gossip she knows tho and he won't admit it but he wants to know everything)

she's drawn to lucy because of their experience during tower of heaven but also because lucy is one of the less intimidating women in the guild

even though lucy already has a lot of friends by the time juvia joins the guild, the two of them have a unique relationship where they quickly feel comfortable confiding in each other about their childhood's because they understand what it's like to be alone

lucy feels guilty about complaining about her childhood because she knows she had it really easy, especially compared to some of their guildmates but juvia always makes it a point to never make her feel bad about it

even though lucy is really fond of juvia she gets sick of the love rival stuff immediately

she puts up with it under the assumption that juvia will get over it quickly but she doesn't

juvia finds out that lucy has a crush on natsu when she finally snaps on her one day, telling her that no, she's not her love rival for gray, she has no interest in gray, because she likes natsu

juvia's immediate reaction is. "oh. are you sure you can't do better?"

she supports lucy 100% because she loves her and she thinks natsu is great and wonderful too, but she also thinks he's a bit of an idiot and lucy deserves to know that

she teases her about it a lot but lucy vastly prefers this to the love rival stuff because she is also aware that natsu is an idiot, she doesn't need juvia to tell her that

juvia's not as avid a reader as lucy but when she does want to read, lucy is always her first stop for book recs

they both really like romance and if she finds a good one, lucy will always reccomend it to juvia

any time lucy reccomends a book with an aloof male love interest, juvia will gush over how he's just like gray and then spend the next hour talking about him

and lucy listens because even though she can be annoying about it sometimes, juvia is still her friend and it is a little endearing when she's not being super crazy jealous over him

stolen from @nalunalu is that juvia teaches her how to knit/crochet

lucy expresses how she'd like to learn one day and juvia says that she knows how and would be happy to teach her

the first finished project lucy makes she gifts to juvia as thanks for teaching her

sometimes they'll just spend hours together knitting or crocheting in silence, just enjoying each other's company <333

[thaliagrayce]

i've been talking abt my voltron playlists and @iveofficiallygonemad asked to hear them and i want to share with anybody who wants!! i know they're not perfect, i'm working on them & trying to make them better. if you have any recommendations for any of them, let me know!! there's like A Lot and i want to give a lil explanation for most of them, so i'm putting them under the cut ^-^

SO first i have my favorite one <3 it's just. all of them. it's the whole team. it's a mess and it's a bunch of different genres because it's them fighting over the aux cord on a road trip. it's them trying to make each other laugh or annoy each other or play something catchy enough it will infect everyone in the vicinity with brain worms.

Hunk: i'm pretty happy with my Hunk playlist! chill vibes. he strikes me as the kind of guy who listens to calm music to try to find his own calm, and that's what i got here :)

Pidge: this is messier and less cohesive than my usual playlist because frankly i think pidge would have a shit taste in music. all over the board. this is a mix of meme songs and 8-bit covers and vocaloid and stuff that i think pidge would genuinely connect with, and i think pidge listens to all their music on shuffle without any regards for genre or mood because they're a gremlin. nobody gives pidge sole control of the aux.

Coran hears 80's music for the first time and loses his mind. He thinks ABBA is humanity's single greatest achievement.

Lance: i have ideas about where I'm going with this but haven't really settled yet. Lance seems like the kind of boy that loves to dance (is that canon? i forgot) so most of these are Bops That Make You Move in some way or another. he likes to present an upbeat face to the world, so there's no angsting in this playlist! we are clinging to the things that make us happy with both hands until our knuckles turn white!

Keith: i'm gonna be honest. i made him a playlist but i honestly don't think he cares about music very much. it's very important to some people! he's just not one of them! i haven't cracked this playlist open in a while but i'm pretty sure it's full of songs that i think he would conceivably train/work out to.

Shiro: this playlist involves the dumbest headcanon i have for shiro that has just not left me alone since i first thought of it. most of the playlist reflects the fact that he had an emo phase in middle school (that one isn't a headcanon, you just have to look at him to know) but BUT there are a few songs on here that are on here because. little known fact. he also went through a Twilight phase that he told nobody about. (keith knows. keith was there.) he has the entire twilight soundtrack memorized. he moved past the story but the music stays forever. he used to daydream about slow dancing to Flightless Bird, American Mouth. the first time Coran mentions that they have to avoid a place because there's a supermassive black hole there, he has to bite his tongue in order to keep a straight face. do NOT ask me why i believe this so wholeheartedly.

Allura's playlist sucks right now. I think it's because in my heart of hearts i know that, were she on earth today, she would go fucking nuts for taylor swift. i have ambivalent feelings for taylor swift. i cannot do allura justice like this. if you see my vision and have recs as to what might actually fit her, PLEASE.

Klance: i haven't done it yet but i'm gonna go through this and sort it to be a sort of progression of their relationship, starting with the more combative Rivalry songs, then slipping into "oh shit oh shit" songs, then maybe ending on the more lighthearted purely romantic songs <3

(i have two songs in a shallura playlist which does not at all encapsulate how much i'm obsessed with them. the tiny cop inside my head is just constantly screaming at me that i'm going to get yelled at for liking shallura. i am going to kill the cop inside my head.)

[reigningmax]

You try way too hard with fic writers and the way you talk about their fics are you ever normal

no :)

[ruelpsen]

ok TW: me/ntal il/lness and trau/ma mentions (to avoid stuff showing up in tags): but is anyone else in a weird spot like me... i have a re/str/ict/ive E/D but also a feedism kink.. ????? how. why. also. normal/vanilla sex & horny noises kind of gross me out usually unless im in a horny mood and not in a bad trau/ma moment lol. is anyone else like this?

My experiences might not be exactly the same as yours (at least in regard to the first part), but I've been around here long enough to have seen that you are far from alone. I get so uncomfortable so quickly whenever people so much as bring up burping in casual conversation, as normal and/or gross of a thing it is to >99% of the population. It's hard trying to act natural and find a good way to change the subject without feeling awkward...

[esteebarnes94]

Hey, question: can people not put their non-critical tags in the critical tag? If I want to find a post that's critical of something I don't want to be flooded with posts speaking of that thing positively or complaining about the critical people. If you don't want critical people in your positivity tags (which is fine and good), then do the same for the reverse! People go on about how easy it is to tag critical stuff and then flood those tags with their non-critical stuff like they're not being the biggest hypocrites.

[starleska]

So what I get is that most fans are spreading rumors about clown being hacked or putting words in his mouth, and some are treating him like a child who needs to be protected at all cost (which is kinda creepy behavior). And this is happening because he made a NSFW tag, right? What a way to wake up to.

hello anon! yes, you've hit the nail on the head - i'm so sorry that this was what you woke up to! it certainly had my heart rate up for a bit 😭💖 here's the situation (apologies for the long post):

Clown has now made an official separate tag for NSFW content, #PlayfellowXXX. this is excellent! much like Toby Fox did with the #Undertail tag, NSFW fanworks creators now have a separate space to place their work, meaning that individuals who don't want to see that content don't need to.

Wally Darling and Frank Frankly Voice Actor F. Frankie Frankenstein confirmed that this was real, and a decision made by the Welcome Home team.

this was quickly corroborated by Clown, who said that they have not been hacked, and he just needed some time to adjust to all of the new attention. they also found the whole outcry quite funny!

after this, Welcome Home team member Anonymous Puzzler also said that this was a mutual decision between the team, and specifically said that it wasn't coerced in any way. she also confirmed that NSFW was never prohibited in the first place - it was just asked to be private while they worked everything out.

during this time, there were a variety of reactions from people. many were elated; some were confused; others were angry and/or upset. some believed Clown was hacked; others believed he was coerced; others acknowledged its veracity, but were saddened/angered all the same.

to recap: NSFW content has never been banned, according to the Welcome Home team: they just wanted time to work out the best way to protect younger people and those who don't want to see that kind of content in an enormous fandom. the team's preference is now for all Welcome Home NSFW content to go under the tag #PlayfellowXXX. this is a decision Clown and the team have reached organically, without coercion, and for the betterment of the fandom.

there is a significant portion of folks who are distressed by this news, and who are assigning thoughts and feelings onto Clown without knowing him personally. i don't think this is terribly healthy. it's okay if you don't like NSFW fanworks; having a separate tag means you can block/blacklist, and not have to see it!

personally, i think this is a wonderful idea. i'm saddened by the backlash NSFW creators are receiving in the wake of this news - especially as someone who received some of that hate, despite never having made NSFW content for Welcome Home!

i'm also baffled by the repeated assertion that Clown has somehow been coerced into this decision by 'porn-addicted weirdos'. the Welcome Home fandom has been extraordinarily respectful of the private NSFW rule...now, it's okay for people to make NSFW content for Welcome Home, guys. we literally got the green light 😅

the creator is an adult, the characters are adults, and it's a horror project which will deal with mature themes. this really is the best way the team could've handled this kind of project suddenly getting an enormous audience with a lot of younger people! no one is 'more deserving' of being in the fandom, and no one is 'better' than anyone else for making or not making a certain kind of fanwork. certainly, no one 'owns' a tag, character, or fandom - it is a courtesy to have a separate space so that people can avoid NSFW content if they want to.

at the end of the day, i hope those who are upset get a chance to rest, and realise this isn't the end of the world. i understand how hard this might be, especially if NSFW content is a real no-go for you. but everyone's fandom experience is different, and i promise you, the NSFW creators aren't making that content just to make you, personally, feel bad! 💖 if you see someone posting in the wrong tag, or who has outdated information, just politely let them know, or mute/block/scroll on as you need to.

now, i realise i'm breaking my own rule about not weighing in on discourse...but i have so many Welcome Home followers and wanted to make this easily accessible 🙏 i hope this clears up any questions people have.

to the NSFW creators - have fun! to those who'd rather not see NSFW content - take care of yourself! i hope you all have a wonderful day :3c

[0w0tsuki]

Hey can we stop pretending like the only feasible reason that a trans woman would not like the term femboy is because she's some puritan anti-kinkster or somehow against men being able to dress femininely?

Like perhaps maybe the group of people who had to go through a phase of having to figure out and explore their femininity while being perceived by society as a man DON'T WANT to police the way men are able to present and express their genders? Like maybe WE DON'T want to make things even harder for transfem eggs. Like maybe we might have an interest in protecting transfem eggs and are speaking from the harm that we experienced as eggs ourselves?

Like maybe it might have to do with the fact that outside of Tumblr your average femboy is a trap fetishist? Like did we all forget the memes of "trying to figure out if the Astofolo icon is a trans woman or a fascist?"

Like some of us were discovering our transness during puberty in the early 2000s. You remember the early 2000s right? Where South Park and Family were at the height of their cultural influence, the R slur was a substitute for stupid, and bigotry was so common that "traps are gay" jokes could be made in polite company without having to worry about backlash. So imagine what kink spaces were like. Especially when you're a teenage trans girl just discovering herself.

I personally was so damaged by that experience that I began to believe that my gender-no my EXISTENCE was a fetish to be embarrassed and humiliated by and to be reviled for. I genuinely did not engage in relationships because I believed I was going to have to give in and tell them that they fell in love with a sex object. I did not believe that I was worthy of love. And it took YEARS of working through that for me to be comfortable with transitioning.

And after I worked through that I still have to deal with them. They haven't left kink communities they had their roots in. To this day there's a kink website I frequent that has community suggestions for tags IE: Unless the OP of the work goes back to delete this feature, anyone can "recommend" deletions or additions to the tags of the work. This is in place to make the proper labeling/searching/blacklisting of kinks easier to help curate content. In practice though it allows transmisoginists to basically graffiti any transfem artwork they come across. And let me tell you Femboy tags are getting added on right after they replace F/F with M/M on a transbians t4t work. And it happens so frequently that I have to check in about once a month to these trans tags to inform the most recent victim about what's happened to their works.

And outside of kink spaces I go into fandom spaces where I have had to deal with trap fetishists positioning themselves as fucking lore scholars when they harass trans positive folks about the Correct and Moral gender of the transmisoginistic character that they've got a fap folder dedicated. I got to see someone rise to twitch fame off the back of trap content turn into a “femboy icon” because he gave some of the trap money to trans charities and has a trans girlfriend. Who is still making trap content by the way.I've gotten to see reddit lose their absolute goddamn minds when the term Trap was banned from r/anime, shitting themselves so hard about it that they made their own separate website with transmisogynistic wojaks on the home page and everything. And then I got to see the fucking Bridget Debacle.

The reason I always talk about Bridgets trans confirmation is that it's the most widely recognized recent event where the exact shit I'm talking about was on full display. The reason why her being confirmed as a trans woman was such a big deal for trans girls was not just because she was one of the anime caricatures with her own folder in the trap enthusiasts masterbation portfolio. It was because she was GROUND ZERO for original coining of the word trap. And the EXACT same guys who deemed her a trap were now coming out in DROVES fuck EN MASS. But this time as self appointed femboys. We had so many examples of fucking Astofolo icon twitter facists trying to drudge up any type of left sounding argument using the femboy identity after having their initial arguments revolving around mistranslation were debunked. Crying that transfems were “stealing femboy representation” and trying to say that it was an “antitransmasculization force feminization trope” unironically. You know the cry of “Let men be feminine!!!!” y'all always bring out in defense of femboys. THAT'S who you're parroting! THAT'S who you got it from! We have had direct evidence of former trap fetishists dawning the term femboy when it became less cool to be openly transmisogynistic and then started appropriating leftist language to give their transmisogynistic arguments an air of legitimacy.

Like y'all need to understand that this magical space we got here is a FUCKING BUBBLE. Femboy communities in literally every other online space are former trap/sissy communities and are fucking cess pits of transmisoginy. I have seen posts by people who's only experience being around femboys was on Tumblr go out and check a place like r/mildfemboys to be horrified by the obsessiveness of the transmisogyny the femboys they interact with. And the femboys here aren't much better by treating being forced to acknowledge that these people exist and that is a still very active part of their community even if they don't personally interact with it as a personal attack on them and their gender presentation.

Y'all just want to pretend it doesn't exist and treat the idea that a Transfem might not WANT to interact with YOU(OH GOSH!!) because of it like it's some sort of personal judgement instead of something you're just going to have to accept happens when there's a large portion of people who share that title who are responsible for traumatizing them. But y'all got to go one step further. Y'all who go on about how femboys are our closest allies and about how “femboys and transfems are actually closer than transfems want to admit”. Y'all treat femboys like they're out little fucking brother in the queer community and it's our personal fucking responsibility to leave behind any personal baggage at the door in order to make them feel welcome.

Y'all can't handle the fucking idea that a trans woman might not be comfortable with sharing community with someone who's average member would call her a trap while jacking off to her selfies if he thought he could get away with it. That's she's not interested in playing the Astofolo icon game with them. Y'all gotta create a backwards narratives where she is against her own interests, where she is for making it harder for eggs in the future instead of you know. Asking for better from the communities those eggs are drawn too.

I have been forced to fucking put up with femboys in nearly every online space I've ever been in. And I

Am sick and fucking tired

Of putting up with femboys

[mothiepixie]

This is an Adult space ONLY.

Please do not interact with me or my account if you are a minor. Minors will be blocked.

This account will not show anything sexually explicit. But it contains suggestive and mature themes.

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I do NOT give permission make an AI of any of my characters nor use my artwork for them. I do NOT give permission to trace or repost my work.

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MASTERPOST

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Do's& Don'ts, FAQ Below

I do not do yn x canon content. Asks pertaining to yn x canon content will be discarded!

I'm only interested in creating content of my OCs x canon.

Be ⚠️ warned ⚠️:

Some of my content may include dealing of drugs/drug abuse, depression, past abuse and possessiveness. There will be possible depiction of wounds, blood, violence and fictional murder. It will be tagged.

If any of my content makes you uncomfortable feel free to block me and stay safe.

Do's and Don'ts:

An indication you're an adult must be visible for me to interact with you!

Commissions or tips are the only way I will draw if you are not a mutual, of my own device, or friend.

please don't ask content of pregnancies. I will not draw Motti pregnant, giving birth or talk about pregnancy related content.

Some related asks for your info ⤵️:

SOME Sanses will want kids, not all will. Passive cannot have children, he's infertile. Motti doesn't want kids in most AUs.

Please be advise I am not aware of every UTAU or its creators. I cannot draw them all or may not get into them, so please don't ask.

Also please DO NOT tag me on other's content to show me.

Please ask permission to dub my comics. I can revoke my permission at any given time and for any reason.

Can I ship my oc/myself with Boysen, Crust, any other of your skellies variants or Motti?

I don't mind you ship yourself or your ocs with the skellies. But please be respectful and don't do anything immoral with them.

I don't mind answering asks about the skellies height, appearance or use of my art, but I won't answer asks that involved how they would treat a partner that isn't Motti. That falls in YN content and as stated at the start of this pin I don't do yn x canon content.

Please do not ship yourself with Motti. Motti is only for close friends. Don't draw NSFW of Motti unless I gave permission.

If permitted: Please do not draw Motti in situations where she cannot consent: i.e: drunk, non-con, coercion. It will result in a block.

FAQ:

Do you do Art Requests?

No. I don't really have the mental capacity to take on requests. What free time I have, I draw art for myself or friends.

Do you do Art Commissions?

I do! I usually make an announcement when they're open and how many slots. I provide a google form to be filled out. I do not take commission inquires through DMs or Asks. Check my Bio or Badge for when I'm open.

Failure to comply to my TOS will result in a blacklist.

⛔️I refuse to draw inc3st, loli/shota, non-con or hateful content. ⛔️

Do you go by Mothie or Motti?

I go by Mothie! You can find my sona here

Motti is my main muse and separate from me.

What are your pronouns?

My pronouns are They/them/fae/she.

Questions about Motti!

What are Motti's pronouns and sexual orientation?

Motti goes by she/they. She is Demisexual/Pansexual.

Is there different versions of Motti?

Consider each AU I dabble in as a different Motti, but they are essentially the same person/personality. I won't always draw a different design for Motti or take away her key features.

Can I write/incorporate Motti in my fics?

It's friends and close mutuals only. I am not comfortable with people I don't know writing/using Motti like that.

AS LONG AS YOU ARE 18+ AND CLEARLY STATE YOU'RE AN ADULT INTERACTING WITH ME, YOU CAN DO THE FOLLOWING BELOW:

Can I make fanart/fanfic of your ocs?

Yes!

Can I draw your Sans designs?

Yes!

Other Questions:

Do you have other socials?

Yes, I do. But they show explicit content so you have been warned ⚠️. Tumblr's nsfw rules are more restricted and thus account will only show suggestive themes. Minors not welcomed!

If you are a person who does not like explicit content, but doesn't mind suggestive content; this acc will be your safe place.

[damnfandomproblems]

5575 comments:

Yeah this.

There's been a sharp uptick in people saying "just block!" or "just don't read it!", and this kind of misses the point of the submissions. Even IF you do those things, it doesn't change the fact a large portion of fan content is that stuff, and it CAN be annoying if it's all you ever see. And having been there and done that with the blocking, and not reading, it's a shitty feeling if you do all your blocking digilence and blacklist as much as posisble, and exhaust the tags, and then find yourself with no fresh content. And producing stuff just isn't up my alley all the time. I have cognitive problems, so sometimes, I just can't put my writing gloves on.

Will I go up to people and bitch? Of course not. That should be implicit in these asks yet somehow, we have to deal with the revolving door repetition of "person makes complaint, person wags a stern finger at them". Why? Beats me.

I've submitted a few things about people doing certain stuff that annoys me, too, and I feel like the embodiment of the "I'm in danger" meme. I can't wait, despite having an ample block list, tag blacklist, xkit, and AO3 filtering know-how, to get my own version of the "just don't read it" comment.

(That was sarcasm. I can wait. Because people should know better. Stop invalidating people for sending opinions in to an anonymous vent blog, ya numpties.)

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

[autistichalsin]

Okay, I’ve been a bit scared because I’ve been observing from the sidelines, but I do want you to know this isn’t a hateful or troll ask, I’m genuinely asking for clarification.

In my experience, “pro-shipping” has always meant ‘problematic shipping’, and all of the people I’ve talked to about this have said the same thing.

Am I the one who’s misconstrued? I really don’t get it.

Being called “pro-harassment” or “pro-censorship” is hurtful and confusing as all hell.

I don’t harass people for what they create. I don’t care to do that. I block and move on, and warn people if I know they could be upset by the content.

But I also don’t understand how certain things are justified.

I am personally not bothered by much, but I have watched friends and acquaintances go through visceral traumatic reactions because people have decided to air out their coping by sharing it with the public. (I.E, people who write romantic incestual fics, etc)

I don’t give a shit what people write. I really don’t. But it feels harmful to use the excuse of coping when you, in turn, could be hurting dozens of others.

Like I said, I genuinely am not trying to be hateful here. I’m confused, and still distraught that all of this is happening. I don’t think anyone deserves to be harassed. I just also don’t get the logic here.

Pro-shipping never once meant problematic shipping. It meant opposite of "anti" because antis would come and invade the tags and asks, calling them all kinds of names if they found their ships distasteful.

Sorry that being indirectly accused of supporting harassment hurt your feelings. Imagine how I felt, being DIRECTLY accused of supporting rape in real life because of my taste in fiction. You are throwing in your lot with people who can't distinguish fantasy and reality.

I don't like incest fics either, anon. They are triggering for me. So you know what I do? I don't read fics tagged as incest. For that reason, I have never been triggered by an incest fic. I suppose I would be if I read an incest fic that wasn't tagged as much, but you will never find a single pro-shipper who defends posting such content without a tag. You are responsible for your own experience online; it is your job to curate the content.

If it was just seeing that the fic exists that triggered the response, then I'm sorry to say they're still in the wrong. As a survivor, learning that triggers exist and how to navigate those triggers is on you. We are responsible for how we deal with our trauma. Your friends didn't deserve their traumas, and they deserve kindness and support, but requesting that people never be allowed to write distasteful fiction so that they don't have to be upset by the idea that someone somewhere shipped incest is not reasonable. Their feelings are valid; it's totally reasonable to be triggered, to strictly curate your online experience. It's reasonable to block everyone who ships the upsetting incest ships, to put an "incest shippers DNI" on your page, all of it. It's not reasonable to call them supporters of IRL incest or to accuse them of causing your trauma. It isn't hard at all on AO3 or Tumblr; they even give you the option to blacklist/filter out certain tags so you can avoid it without blocking users. There's easily half a dozen safeguards that already exist that are a lot less radical, a lot less likely to be weaponized against queer users, and a lot easier to enforce than trying to remove them.

Me writing fics, such as a character using kink to cope, can only harm a user who doesn't curate their feed (and who reads fics they know will trigger them, which I can only assume would then be a purposeful form of self-harm). Denying other survivors their coping mechanism, though, IS a direct form of harm. Stigmatizing recovery by saying that survivors are in any way akin to abusers for creating fiction is a direct form of harm.

It sounds to me like you've absorbed some very harmful and very narrow ideas of what recovery should and should not look like, and what is and isn't a good/valid survivor. You might want to reflect on why you're turning your attention to policing what survivors do to cope so much.

[velvetvexations]

it’s so bizarre to me that you never, EVER reblog or post anything about transmisogyny or the transfem experience. like, can you even recommend any transfem-centric blogs for me to follow? for someone so into “solidarity” your trans activism seems pretty focused on trans men only

So there are multiple things going on with this ask.

As I've explained several times before - I don't necessarily blame you for not seeing it, but I have - most social issues give me panic attacks to contemplate. The thing I mentioned triggered me so badly yesterday was something in the transmisogyny tag that wasn't tagged with anything I had blacklisted (not that OP's fault, I added more variations of transphobia warnings so it hopefully won't happen again).

Intercommunity issues are less existential. Things like hate crimes and legislative assaults on queer people freak me out and leave me a shaking, crying, doomscrolling mess. I don't even follow like, literally any of the people who followed me for transandrophobia advocacy because they reblog other things that gives me heart palpitations.

That limits my exposure to intercommunity issues facing transfems specifically as well, the vast majority of people I follow don't put any discourse on my dash at all. However, I have in fact reblogged posts purely about transmisogyny (other than the kind transandrophobes throw at me lol) only to immediately delete them when I see the OP is vile towards transmascs in other posts, completely spoling the message. At least one was even specifically about ways transmascs can be transmisogynistic, which I thought was a fair enough criticism before realizing it was at best one good point in a sea of bullshit directed at our trans brothers. Another time I specifically asked someone how they felt about trasnmascs before I reblogged their very good post about transmisogyny and was delighted when they gave a fantastic response.

Furthermore, I do actually just speak on pure transmisogyny myself sometimes! I talked at length about the immense pain it caused me realizing Alison Bechdel was TERFier than I thought in a way that completely contradicts the strip that made me cry out of appreciation for her. Recently, I've also been talking a lot about the ways butch transfems are treated for not looking cis.

Do I mention these things less than transandrophobia and other issues that affect people other than transfems? Sure. But like...so what? I like doing things for other people.

I don't mean to act like I'm some kinna savior or anything, but as I said just yesterday, helping people outside of your own issues is something I'm kinna obsessed with not just in myself but others too. I'm constantly stressing how cis allies should be appreciated e.g. my previous feelings about Bechdel, and despite how she turned out I still firmly believe that cis allies should be treasured. I've donated money to multiple cis allies to say thanks for their statements.

It's not like I'm just so saintly selfless or anything like that, I'm very self-centered, it's just that being an ally to [x], [x] being allies to me, and [x] being allies to [y] who have nothing to do with me is not only a rare area of activism I can function in, it's one that actively brings me joy. This includes having sent multiple messages to transmascs thanking them when they speak up about transmisogyny, because I want to show them the love so many of them have shown me for the same thing.

Finally, you say my trans activism is focused on trans men. Maybe so, by volume. But, and I've mentioned this before, I've been wanting to do more for everyone else as well, literally everyone. I've asked a bit about intersex issues and am trying to learn more about what non-binary people who don't lean to one end or the other deal with as well, and I also want all my cis followers to feel just as comfortable and supported by me as well - and, of course, that all goes for other transfems as well, whose pain cuts me to the bone.

I'm radically pro-everyone, anon, and I want to help uplift them all without exception. I understand focusing on one's own lane, and I neither judge that nor am attempting to portray myself as a uniquely noble white knight. That's just what I personally choose to put my efforts towards.

[blackhairedjjun]

i am begging people on this site, especially new kpop fic writers, to use tags properly. only put tags that are relevant to your post.

i am SO TIRED of the tags i follow being clogged with unrelated shit because someone thinks it's a good idea to spam tag their posts with everything kpop-related even if it isn't remotely related to what the post is about. all it does is make the tag page useless! you are making it harder for people to look for what they actually want to see!!

IF YOUR FIC DOESN'T ACTUALLY CONTAIN SMUT, DON'T TAG IT AS SMUT. i am SICK of people tagging their sfw fluff or angst fics or even fics that are only a tiny bit suggestive with smut because they think it will give it more reach. you know what that does? it means that people who have smut tags blacklisted CAN'T TRUST THEIR BLACKLIST AT ALL. how the hell am i supposed to know if my blacklist is working properly if people keep tagging their sfw fics as smut? and i can deal with it fine bc i'm an adult anyway, but what about minors who are repeatedly told not to interact with smut posts? and then you hide all the sfw posts in the smut tags anyway so minors can't even reliably tell what they should and shouldn't interact with.

stop hijacking the tumblr tag system to treat it like an algorithm, it's a tool for navigation and filtering. the more you misuse it the worse you make it for everyone on this site.

[caputvulpinum]

lmao how can you get upset with that anon while also getting upset with people for tagging things "q slur"

You literally keep saying "If you have trauma with that word go to therapy and deal with it! If you have trauma that's YOUR issue." and now you're going "Well sometimes people can't heal the way you want them to and that's okay :)"

Which is it? You can't say you understand our trauma and you feel for us and then get upset when we tag or blacklist words that trigger us or make fun of us for it. Therapy doesn't work instantaneously. Some people can't afford therapy. Some people don't have reliable, safe sources of therapy where they live.

You want to misconstrue me so bad it's making you look stupid and I don't have a responsibility to engage with you when there's a clear difference between someone actually paying attention to the things I say and whatever nonsense you're trying to pull. My apologies.

[flyingfabio]

Why have you had Pecco tag blocked? Did he pull the same media shit with Fabio? I am new just 2 months here

hello anon and welcome! ok so this is gonna be long because i want to explain and avoid people taking it the wrong way. first i have to admit it's been a long time and i don't remember exactly what event promoted me to block pecco's tag but it was probably not long after his dui in 2022. believe it or not, it had nothing to do with what pecco could have said about fabio, because i think pecco appreciates and respects him a lot and i don't remember pecco saying anything bad about fabio (in the media at least lol). 

so. i think i already spoke about it but pecco has a habit of saying things that come out as ignorant or as things a '''spoiled brat''' would say. like him and jack miller moaning about not being 'test riders' to ducati, while as a factory rider you know you have to lead developmental work and while ducati was already delegating a lot of the work to the satellite teams anyway (pramac mostly). his reponse after his dui that was half-assed and that he deleted from his socials two days after. often not taking full responsibility for his many crashes etc.

pecco is also guilty (and it's not his fault tbf) of being ducati's number one rider and by this point i think y'all know my griefs with ducati. i don't want to go into details, but it's how they manage riders and the whole way they operate that piss me off. as an example, the way they dealt with pecco's dui really rubbed me off the wrong way. basically they tried with their life to brush it off under the rug, they sent threats to a journalist on whatsapp and eventually blacklisted him from ducati events for a year after he asked about this incident in the press conference because yaknow... why should a championship contender in one of the most famous motorsports being convicted for dui be a big deal right?? also in 2022 when fabio was fighting for his life alone on his shitty yamaha, ducati sending half-veiled orders to his satellite teams to basically not race pecco didn't go well with me obviously. and it's not like it's only assumptions, zarco admitted it on tv and the way some of the ducati management looked at enea who didn't give a shit about orders and raced pecco anyway made it obvious. can you believe people were discussing the possibility of ducati riders letting pecco pass if he was lower than 7th or something and fabio was leading in the gp of the title decider to prevent fabio from winning the championship? people nowadays might not find ducati having 8 bikes that bad because they're all fighting each other but not so long ago the fight included another manufacturer and you might wonder if this situation isn't an open door for manipulations we don't want to see ever in our sport...

AND it was a period around here (the tumblrina palace) when SOME pecco fans were mmh... extreme and unsufferable to say the least. and like i know i'm a fabio extremist and i know i can piss people off (sometimes i'm annoying myself lol), but i don't go and publish fucking tumblr polls about '''whom from my most behated motorsports men should be guillotined''' with marc and fabio (obviously) listed as choices... you could understand how i didn't want to ever see this on my dash (never felt better than after blocking that person). also generally their attitude of 'pecco never does anything wrong' when he DOES do wrong is tiring at some point...

[epicbuddieficrecs]

You should change the name of the blog if you're are gonna rec Buck/Tommy fics don't you think? Also why in the world would youbl

Oh wow, baby's first anon hater!

I've been pondering how to answer for a little while, because on one hand, do I really want to take the time and energy to answer such an idiotic message? But on the other hand, you've given me a great excuse to set some things straight so thank you for allowing me to make an example out of you.

This is my blog. I can blog about whatever the fuck I want. I do try to be diligent abut tagging Bucktommy content specifically so people can avoid it if they want to. I identify the Bucktommy fics in my fic recs, I tag the Bucktommy content. If you don't like Bucktommy, tumblr has great muting and blacklisting features, so use them. You can also just unfollow if you're not happy about what I blog. Didn't you think of that before coming into my ask box to bother me about this?

I do not have to justify the way I run my blog to anyone, but your suggestion that I should change the name of my blog JUST because I've recced SOME Bucktommy is ridiculous to me. If I really wanted to be petty about it, I would count the number of bucktommy fics VS buddie fics in my recs just so I could shove it in your face that it's such a fucking small number, I don't even understand how you're bothered about it.

And if I was a die hard "OTP Bucktommy endgame" stan, then yeah, I might make a separate blog about it, but anyone with more than two brain cells who spends any amount of time on my blog can clearly see that it's not the case for me.

I'm kinda glad that you managed to mistakenly (I presume) hit send before finishing your sentence because the first one already didn't make you look so good, I can only imagine how much worse the second one would have been.

So let this be a warning to all of my followers: I'm not anti Bucktommy. There will be Bucktommy content here!!! I'm pretty neutral-to-positive about Bucktommy, which means that I will rec the few Bucktommy fics that I read. I will reblog Bucktommy gifsets. Deal with it or show yourself out.

[nothorses]

i've had this thought for a while that the internet has evolved into trying to prevent all conflict or getting upset ever, so the preventative measures completely overtake any thought of how to manage conflict and how to react to getting upset.

other than tone indicators, you can see this with the way people treat content warnings. in some spaces (not just small spaces for friends i'm talking discord servers with hundreds if not thousands of members), their content blacklist for stuff that cannot be posted about at all or has to be censored and tagged with warnings include things like: dogs, pictures of the sky, whistling, loud rap music.

you see this on people's caards with their DNI lists and demands on how to interact with them. i saw a minor with a demand to not talk about friends or people you're close to because it makes them furiously jealous.

that thing you said about tone indicators making it so people assume the default is that you're evil and disingenuous really hits the nail on the head. it's a very cruel way to look at people, thinking the worst of them on a flinch instinct if they don't behave in predictable, acceptable ways that you understand at a glance.

people are so avoidant and afraid of conflict or getting upset that they can't sit with discomfort and will make it other people's problems. it's like people forget that they can walk away from a conversation that's making them upset, or work to manage intense reactions when triggered.

Yeah, absolutely. I don't want to be cruel here, either- I think a lot of these attitudes come from trauma and emotional abuse, and I think a lot of these people are hurting and looking for ways to make themselves hurt less.

And I think what's telling is that these methods that are often being employed in an effort to deal with or avoid emotional abuse, are also simultaneously being employed by emotional abusers, or in emotionally abusive ways.

The cycle of abuse isn't just, like, when someone decides to lash out because they got hurt and now they want a turn, too. It's about the strategies you learn for handling your emotions and relationships- the tools you're given by your environment, and the norms you've been taught. Oftentimes, well-intentioned people who are actively trying to establish a healthier way of being will still buy into emotionally abusive norms and ideas; they're just doing their best with the tools they have, after all.

The ideas behind a lot of these patterns, in my opinion, stem from (what I'm gonna call here) "abuse logic": the flawed system of "logic" used to justify abuse. ex:

If you misunderstand me, it means you don't care, don't "get me", or are otherwise failing me in some way.

If I misunderstand you, it means you are failing to communicate properly.

If you make me uncomfortable, you are doing it maliciously and with intent to hurt me, and you must do everything possible to stop and never let it happen again.

If I make you uncomfortable, no I didn't.

If I feel upset by anything you say or do, it's your fault, and you're probably doing it on purpose, and/or you need to do everything possible to never let it happen again.

If you feel upset by anything I say or do, it's your problem. If you tell me about it, you're trying to hurt me on purpose.

I fundamentally cannot trust you to be acting with good intent.

You MUST trust me in all ways at all times.

The nature of "abuse logic" is that it applies to both parties differently, but the core of the logic will be essentially the same: misunderstandings are a moral failing on someone's part, and discomfort is someone's fault and/or a sign of malice, and must be avoided at all costs.

A lot of these are also coping mechanisms, or become coping mechanisms. You might avoid conflict because it has only ever lead to a fight, you might assume everyone is trying to hurt you because it's safer than trusting people, or you might over-enforce your boundaries because it prevents people from taking advantage of you.

The problem is that because these still rely on "abuse logic" (discomfort as violence, someone is always to blame, assumption of ill intent), abusive behavior can still arise from them. Sometimes it's intentional, but sometimes it's just a product of faulty logic.

Tell me if you've ever seen this happen:

A friend of yours has grown up in an environment that normalized this kind of flawed, unhealthy logic (or an outright emotionally abusive one). They eventually realize that they aren't a bad person who deserves this treatment, and begin to see the hypocrisy: why is it that they're always at fault for misunderstandings, regardless of reason? Why is it that they're the only one who needs to change? Why is it that they can be made to feel guilty, but when they bring up problems with someone else, guilt is violence?

They start to feel more and more empowered as they pick apart these issues, and eventually they're establishing boundaries, trusting their own good intentions, and holding others accountable for their mistakes and mistreatment.

And then it keeps going.

Challenging unreasonable boundaries, or even asking for compromise on conflicting boundaries, becomes a sign of malice. Not only are their intentions good, but they can literally do no wrong. Not only are they holding others accountable, but they are actively looking for mistakes, flaws, and malice in everything everyone else does.

They're genuinely trying to protect themselves (and likely others!) in the only way they know how, it's just that this way is rooted in the same logic that caused their own mistreatment. They don't know another way.

I do really think that what we need to be doing is providing alternative solutions. Sometimes they seem obvious enough that we assume people are doing this out of malice- but that's part of the problem!

So if you're feeling like some of this is a little too familiar: "Conflict" is not always an argument. If you run into a problem (misunderstanding, discomfort, hurting someone or being hurt, etc.) your goal is not to assign blame and guilt. Your goal is to work together, as a team, to find a solution that's reasonable for everyone involved- and then move on.