#but if i dont move i dont have a distraction from the pain
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cincincinnanom · 8 days ago
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Imma be so brutally honest when I say that either I am going to have a big accident that makes my physical health worse and then my parents believe me or that never happens and I never get help and then off myself.
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rubiesintherough · 3 months ago
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#(( ooc. ))#.... so#if youre wondering why ive been so absent lately. ots bc im dealing with stuff like that. on top of handling everytuing around the house#and additional super stressful family drama#health scares caused by stress#the works. i feel like im a constant state of mindfuckery and i have been since we moved#thoght things would improve after getting away from MIL but apparently not#ive been so exhausted and stressed and pain has bee. spiking so bad#im really trying to be here bc writing has always been a calming thing for me like a fun distracting hobby#to get my mind off irl things but everytime i open up a reply i start crying#bc the words arent there and im too tired to even tupe bc im running myself ragged#and on top of that im dealing with hubby and whatever the f is up with him and the weird#180s he does where 1 second hes the sweetest most attentive guy ive ever known and the 2nd#im crying and apologizing for doing sometjing weong and i dont even inderstand what i did but hes upset at me#and somethings suddenly my fault#or im begging him for help around the apartment or smth#idk. i am really trying to be here i swear i am. i miss you all. i miss the stories we're writing together#i miss by bbys and wanna weite with them bc theyve been loud and active but i iust cant type what i want to#a single paragraph is taking me hours to get out no joke#idk. sprry for dumping all this on the dash out of nowhere im just kinda flailing right now and offkilter#gonna head off to bed and see if an actual good nights sleep for the first time in a week helps with my brain and makes things make sense#hope you all have a goodnight. sorry again for this#negative tw#negativity tw#venting tw#personal tw
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rearranging-deck-chairs · 10 months ago
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cw rape but im listening to sic transit gloria by brand new and like,,,,fic idea
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majimassqueaktoy · 1 year ago
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Makoto makimura if you're out there, please... I need you...
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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years ago
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My pain scale is honestly just a 1-3 scale like
1) pains that are normal and near-constant or the lower end of normal pains that vary. I may or may not recognize that I'm feeling anything but I usually don't realize it's pain. (This level includes things like: toothaches, muscle pain/muscle soreness, bruises and cuts, regular headaches, minor dislocations, foot pain, eye pain, etc.)
2) mid range of pains that are normal but vary a lot. There's a lot of different ways this can look but I can't distinguish them very well. Usually I'll feel like I need painkillers at this level but don't have any that work or want to save them for if it gets worse (this includes things like painful dislocations, migraines, menstrual cramps, costochondrits, etc.)
3) severe pain that goes beyond what is normal for me
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phagodyke · 2 years ago
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istg one of these days.......
#ya know that post thats like texting lesbians: its throw bowling balls down the stairs day u better be game#one of my fave posts ever in the world#anyway my lesbian flatmate texts like the straight female friend part of that post and i love her but its killing me#its endearing but its so hard not to read it as flirty stoppitttt im already dedicating so much work to repressing this little crush 😭#ALSO THAT POST THATS LIKE FLIRTING W GIRLS WILL HAVE U ADDING :3 TO UR TEXTS literally so true but I dont think she means it like that 😭😭#like she talks to everyone that way I remember when I first met her me + my ex spent ages trying to work out if she was gay#bc we were so sure she had a gay vibe but every text felt like it was pointing the other way..... the vindication when I found out she WAS#anyway my resolve weakens with every 😘 emoji like im already thinking abt it dont give me any more ideas !!!!#its not even embarrassing anymore like how am i supposed to exist near someone like her WITHOUT ever having a gay thought#so im not sorry if she sees this. i take rejection like a champ dont be shy#but genuinely tho i dont think shes interested shes just cute like that. and idw make things weird cuz we're still living together next yr#itd be suchh a pain if i made things awkward right when we need to find a place. and anyway my best case is our 3rd flatmates WORST#i wouldnt do that to him god forbid#buuuut...... nope ok enough of that im going back to bed its almost 1am#this is what HAPPENS when u have insomnia tuning into the crazy radio every night#need to get onto dating apps and find smth new to distract me before this gets out of hand....... buttttt i dont want to >:|#its ok my patience is infinite i like playing the long game. i was into my ex for 2 and a half years before i made any moves#i can wait this one out too either itll happen eventually or itll pass. we're good#ok thats GOODNIGHT from me if u read this far wow ur nosy arent u...... jk ily sleep well everyone#muah all round#.diaries
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blood-smiles · 2 months ago
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𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ୭˚. ᵎᵎ
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𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄! 𝐋𝐀𝐖𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐗 𝐆𝐍! 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 TW MDNI . slight nsfw . yandere content . stalking . submissive yandere . creepy thoughts . highly unprofessional behavior from yandere . if reader is a simp and Alejandro is a bigger one .
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You organized various assortments of products on shelves, placing each product perfectly, the name of the item fully on display,
While stepping back to admire your work you heard the squeaky shoes of a little kid, suddenly a small body crashed into your side and landed on the floor with a sickening crack,
“Jimmy! Jimmy! Oh my god! JIMMY!” The frantic voice of a woman called out, you instantly turned around, seeing the little boy wailing on the ground, his arm twisted in an uncomfortable direction,
You crouched down next to the child, trying to get him to calm down as you inspected his arm,
The same woman ran in your direction and pushed you off her child with a rough shove, tears welling up in her eyes,
“YOU! YOU DID THIS TO MY CHILD!” She shrieked, holding the kid in her arms,
“I-I ma’am! I swear it’s not that, your child was running and crashed into—“ 
“I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT! I AM GOING TO SUE YOU FOR THIS!” She screamed at you, her spit landing on your face as you stepped back,
A burning pain splattered all over your face, the woman’s purse making a harsh contact with your nose bridge, 
Small red droplets dirtied your white uniform polo shirt, 
She scooped up the injured boy in her arms and ran outside the store, yelling profanities and curses at you,
Suddenly a loud crash was heard as the woman kicked the large shelves, causing the tall shelves to come down on you, one by one alike to dominos,
You can’t remember what happened next, as you woke up in a hospital.
So. You have a huge law suit over your head now, a metaphorical guillotine over your neck, just waiting to be brought down on you, decapitating you and your clean record,
You stood in the waiting room, the fresh smell of floor cleaner wafting into your nostrils, helping you distract yourself momentarily,
“Mx (Y/N)?” A deep voice rings out, pulling you back into reality,
You glance up at the source of the voice, your (e/c) meeting with scarlet red hues, sharp eyes encased behind glasses,
You slowly got up, using your crutches to stabilize your footing, the man waited for you, his eyes inspecting your form as if calculating your every move, he stared at you for longer than needed but you ignored his eyes and kept acting as if nothing was happening,
He politely opened the door for you, giving you enough room to limp inside the office, after you successfully sat down, the man stood in front of his desk,
His ruby eyes were drilling into your own, as if memorizing every single detail of your iris, you looked into his eyes too, trying to seem confident,
If you looked close enough you could see the slight color difference under his eyes, you recognized that gaze— of exhaustion and pulling all nighters, but he did do a good job minimizing the eye bags!
You didn’t get to look at him properly but he was very well dressed.. the classic black vest along with black dress pants and a white dress shirt, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off his forearms,
Pretty purple hair gathered at the back of his head in a ponytail, two tresses framed the sides of his face, bringing more attention to his sharp features, he was attractive.. Very attractive.
After another round of continuous staring the male finally cleared his throat, breaking the suffocating tension in the room,
“I am Alejandro Ortega, your defense in the court.” He stated clearly, sticking his hand out, asking for a hand shake,
“Oh. I’m (Y/N), thank you for your time sir.” You politely stretched out your arm and gently shook his hand,
His larger one enveloped your own hand, giving you a steady and firm handshake, slightly squeezing your hand in his,
His touch lingered, hand still tightly held around yours, he stared into your eyes, unwilling to let go,
You half smiled, trying to pull your hand away from his, slightly becoming unsettled when he didn’t let go,
He coughed, letting go of your hand and sitting down on his own chair,
He crossed his legs under the desk, taking out a paper and a pen, tapping the opposite side of the tip on the paper sheet, he discussed with you the phases of how he was planning to defend you in this case, giving you a bit of a background check on him,
“Well then, please tell me how everything happened, miss (Y/N).” 
You started retelling the events of the store, your hands coming in play and moving around to emphasize your actions and feelings,
A soft smile bloomed on the man’s face, sometimes even chuckling quietly at your exaggerated gestures,
Alejandro liked—No, adored your company, you were so charismatic and lively, your energy was so contagious that even his hard exterior had began to show cracks,
The buzzing in his chest wouldn’t stop, his hands were sweaty and his face felt warm, just what was this feeling? He is supposed to maintain a poker face and not show any favoritism with his clients.. Oh but you.. he couldn’t help but show contentment around you,
Unfortunately you soon had to go home and rest, he felt truly pity for you, being all bruised up and injured— on top of that you were in the process of being sued, 
Such a sweet soul you have, he would make sure that you would be well protected under him, he would hate to see you in harms way,
Alejandro finished helping the janitors cleaning up, he waved everyone off as they left, with suitcase in hand he leaned against the wall,
Ever since your appointment with him he couldn’t stop thinking of your face and voice, perhaps he could use your files for some.. private research.
He opened the doors of his home, his wife, Ume, peeked into the hallway as if already knowing it was him who entered the manor,
Her long white hair flowed behind her as she sped walked towards him, she brushed her bangs out of her beautiful face as she approached him,
“Honey! Did you get off work early?” She wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a loving peck on his lips,
Alejandro grunted in response, peeling her arms off his shoulders and neck, he despised physical contact from Ume, he hated her voice, to him it sounded like nails scratching against a chalkboard, it irritated him, greatly so.
Ume was not at fault, for she had done no wrong to him, she was what any man would wish for, she was obedient, beautiful, loving and skilled in every aspect,
He just hated the intent behind his marriage with her, ever since he had slipped out of his mothers womb and brought into this world he had no control over his life, for it had been decided for him,
What he was going to be, who he was going to marry, where he was going to study, who his relationships were and even how he should feel,
He had no control over his life, he had never had any control over his own livelihood, his parents had controlled him even beyond the grave,
He hated his life. He hated Ume. He hated his parents. He cherishes you. He hated everything but you.
You had brought excitement to his life somehow, you came into his office and sparked something in him with your attitude and personality,
Maybe his life wasn’t so bad.
He stared at the knives in his kitchen, his hand itching to find something— someone to slice into ribbons with the sheening blade of the knife,
When did he become so violent? Was he this savage all along?
He shook his head lightly, taking off his glasses momentarily as he cooked dinner for his self and Ume,
He flipped the chicken and rice in two plates, as he brought the food and placed it down on the long hall table,
Ume awed at the perfectly cooked food, she dug in immediately, complimenting him and his cooking skills every time she spooned food into her mouth,
Alejandro subconsciously clutched a napkin in his hand, his knuckles turning a ghost white from sheer force,
“..Thank you” he muttered, his hand shakily cutting off some chicken and inserting it into his mouth,
His mind wandered off to your beautiful eyes, those beautiful (e/c) gems twinkling under light enamored him so much..
Alejandro noticed how your eyes would wander off sometimes, looking at him intently, as if you were listening to the most interesting thing in the world, it just made him feel so bashful..
How long had it been since he had seen you? 5 hours? 5 days? 5 years? God, he can’t remember anymore, just being away from you felt like an eternity, it was driving him insane..
Maybe next time the both of you meet you can go out for a drink together.. he smiled a little at that, perhaps he could invite you to a garden and talk to each other and learn more about you..
“Dear? What are you smiling at?” The gratingly annoying voice of his wife chimed in, anger rose inside him, taking most of his willpower to keep a calm mind and most importantly of all not to lash out at her,
“It’s none of your concern, Ume.” He answered coldly, glaring at her, a small vein sprawling across his temple in irritation,
She looked taken aback by her husband snapping at her, her smooth caramel tinted skin draining of color, her wonder turning into a fear in a flash,
Just as she was going to open her mouth to apologize Alejandro cut her off, 
“—I’m going to go take a shower, I’m finished with my diner, wash the dishes please.” He instructed as he left but not before giving her a pointed look,
Alejandro shut the bedroom door behind him, huffing as he sat on his and Ume’s shared bed
Ume wouldn’t understand, she would break down if she ever found out he had developed romantic feelings for someone else,
As soon as he makes developments in yours and his relationship he will make sure to get divorce papers signed immediately,
He wouldn’t want you to think he was unfaithful, because he isn’t.
His marriage never worked out anyway, he can only imagine the beautiful domestic life you would have with him,
He wouldn’t have to come into office, he could be your stay at home husband! He knows how to cook, clean and overall good spouse.. He spent most of his childhood honing these skills by taking care of his little sister,
He simply goes into work to avoid having to see his insufferable wife, even a minute away from her made his life expectancy slightly increase,
He opened the water, staring at his reflection before stepping into the shower,
Cold water ran from the shower head, landing refreshingly on the tall males’ back and body,
He sighed, relaxation seeping into his body slowly and steadily, he leaned his body weight onto his forearms,
His forehead rested on the cool shower walls, cleansing his thoughts for just a moment, his long hair stuck to his forehead and shoulders as water slipped off in small droplets,
 as hard as he tried he couldn’t fend away certain thoughts, all of them being of You. You. You. Ý̵̯͙̰̾Ô̸̱͉̖̣̾͝Ú̷͎͍.
Look at what you have reduced him to.. A lovesick fool.. craving nothing more than you— It has only been five days, yet you live in his brain and heart like maggots, digging deeper and deeper into him..
Yet he didn’t care, he would allow you to do so because he knew that he secretly liked it, he liked having someone to obsess over and follow like a lovesick puppy,
he had been saving his love for too long, and now it seems that you pulled the trigger on his heart, for this dangerous love ridden russian roulette has just started.
He now understands why he suffered for so many years, he sees now that it was all for you, it seems that god has gotten tired of torturing him and sent you, as his savior— his light.
If he knew things would come to this he would have chosen to suffer again and again, continuing what appeared to be an endless cycle just to be able to meet you and reach zenith.
He is holding his heart in his hands for you, it was you awakened feelings he never thought were real, now assume the consequences of your actions, won’t you, love?
Ume stalked the halls of the huge mansion, her heart feeling heavy after she upset her beloved husband,
She smoothened down her dress as she shakily opened the bedroom door, seeing that the room was empty she sat down on the bed,
Staring at the bedroom door longingly she decided to slightly peek through a crack in the doorway,
The water landed against the shower floor, helping muffle out the small whimpers and moans that were heard from Alejandro,
His hand fisted his cock rapidly, his hips bucking into his soft hand to feel some kind of friction, the sound of his hand clapping against his skin being audible even with the drizzling water ambients,
Ume’s eyes widened, never had she though her husband could ever make such.. Sinful sounds, it seemed he was saying something between the strangled sounds of pleasure..
“—N).. (Y/N).. Mmph! (Y/N), please..” 
(Y/N)? Who was this (Y/N)? Why was her husband saying that name? Was he cheating on her?
Her green eyes zeroed in on his body, watching as his back would arch and tremble whenever he would get close to climax,
Ume had tried a handful of times to get some kind of intimacy going on with Alejandro, going as far as getting some.. Aphrodisiac products, however it seemed that even under the influence of such hard core drugs he would rather deal with it himself than come close to her,
His free hand roamed his body, soon reaching up against his chest and starting to play with the soft muscle, 
Delivering soft and hard squeezes, soft groans muddled with mutters of “I love you”s slipped out of his lips,
Dampened hair fell over his eyes as he pressed his cheek against his shoulder, gentle sobs mixed with the sound of water running,
His thrusts slowed down as his thighs pressed together, with a final cry of your name the knot in his stomach came undone,
Loads and loads of white semen painted a section of the tiled shower walls, he kept thrusting into the air, riding out his high.
Ume closed the door quietly, sitting on the bed she placed her hands over her face, her well manicured nails digging into the sides of her soft face,
Whoever this.. (Y/N) was she was going to speak to, and it’s not going to be pretty.
Alejandro was her husband, hers only, and she was willing to fight tooth and nail for him,
The bathroom door opened, showing the ruby eyed man walking out with a towel wrapped around his waist, delicate beads of water dripping off his hair and rolling down his skin abdomen,
“Is there something wrong?” He asked with a raise of his eyebrow, eyeing her down menacingly,
The pretty woman but her lips while smiling, kicking off her shoes and spreading her legs open, an idea popping into her head
“Well.. perhaps, I’m feeling awfully.. Hot down there, help me will you?”
It had been 3 months precisely, it was your court date, you dressed up as best as you could afford, brushing your hair neatly and ironing your clothes to perfection,
You arrived early, looking at the huge court with furrowed brows and crudely covered dark circles, you weren’t able to get a wink of sleep last night,
Your mind couldn’t stop thinking of all the worst possible scenarios— What If you lost and went to jail? What if you were forced to sleep with a crazy cell mate? Sentenced to death? Having to use forks as hair brushes for the end of your days?!
A hand gently fell on your head, softly caressing your hair, you met scarlet eyes, beautiful eyes, the same shade as blood,
“Everything is going to be alright, I can assure you that, so please don’t worry your pretty little head over whatever you are thinking, will you promise me that?” You knew that voice, that was your lawyers voice, it was always so soothing to you, never was his voice rough or hoarse, it was always so warm and gentle..
You nodded, your worries calming down slightly, you weren’t expecting it but it sure was meaningful to you, you knew he was very.. Stoic most of the time, you liked to think he might have a soft spot for you, although the probability of that is probably non existent, oh how you were so so wrong.
The both of you entered the court, you were sweating buckets of sweat, pulling at your collar once in a while to try and freshen yourself up,
“Defendants please rise.” The judge called out, her voice strong and authoritative,
The both of you stood up, you were so nervous in the moment that you totally ignored Alejandro’s hand clasped around yours, his fingers intertwined tightly in between yours,
Alejandro was right, he was good, good was a massive understatement, he got evidence from places you didn’t even recognize, you had no idea if some of the documents had been falsified or not due to how legit they looked,
By the end of court you weren’t the one in cuffs, but the mother of the little boy, who had been taken into custody,
She yelled profanities at you, kicking and screaming at the police men to let her go,
Alejandro stood in front of you protectively, eyes narrowed into a glare, gaze as sharp as knives and glass shards,
You were so happy and relieved, weight had been lifted off your shoulders, you felt as if you were going to cry or happiness,
Your chest felt light as you hugged Alejandro, thanking him a million times over and over,
Had you overstepped boundaries? Maybe, Would Alejandro normally flip out and do something unseemly? If you were someone else, yes.
But it’s you, how could he deny you of something he had been wanting to do for a long time? How? So he wasn’t.
He deserved this too, he had gone through so much trouble to fake so much evidence to get that dirty bitch in jail, and you were willingly giving him his reward,
He basically threw himself on you, his arms over your head, he adjusted your arms on his waist, letting you hug him as close as you desired,
His face was close to your hair— so so close to you, he just had to smell you, just one second, please please please please please please.
He breathed in your scent, his eyes threatening to roll back into his head, you smelled so good, he knew his wife was in the audience but he couldn’t give less of a fuck,
Let her watch, let her see how he loved you so much more, he didn’t care anymore, he wasn’t going to hide it anymore, because it was true he had become so intimately infatuated with you he couldn’t even stand being a moment without you,
He had all he ever wanted right in his arms, and he didn’t care what he had to do to make you his, 
He didn’t care if he had to frame innocent people over and over again, he didn’t care if he had to make shady deals with hackers or mafia men, he will do crazy shit and get away with it!
If he had to let the world burn for you he would turn the world ablaze until only ash and cinder was left, only to light it on fire again over and over just to prove how much he loved you.
His eyes met his “wife”’s emerald like gaze, her eyes shining under light with jealousy, he knew she wanted to tear the both of you apart,
But he wouldn’t let her, as he would be the one ripping her to shreds this time around,
He will do anything and he means everything for you. 
He would do it all in your name. ♡
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cxffecoupx · 3 months ago
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vernon as a girl dad
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girl dad! vernon fluff, crack, a little smut, requested warnings: reader has a womb, vernon and his daughter sharing one braincell, sex (only a little though) wc: 771 writer's notes: it's been too long so i couldnt wait to post this (read: i didn't proof read this). to the anon who requested it, i'm so sorry for the long wait😭😭 but i really hope you understand and forgive me and that you enjoy it :) do lemme know your thoughts!!
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girl dad! hansol who zones out during the birth of your babygirl. like, man's just stood there like🧍‍♂️while you're screaming out in the pain and frustration. he seems motionless, but trust that he's just processing the whole situation. like, what do you mean he's having a new member in his family? a little proof of your love for each other? he needs some time to compose.
girl dad! hansol who does not get overwhelmed for some reason. it's funny cause you just bawled your eyes out to him like, two hours after giving birth, and he's sitting beside you, one hand holding your hand and stroking it, and the other carefully cradling your daughter, who sleeps oblivious to all this chaos.
girl dad! hansol who becomes hesitant with your daughter. he knows he isnt the best to take care of her, and constanly worries if he'll end up doing something wrong. asks you every minute about what he should do, or why she's crying, or how to burp her. he's like a little boy trying to take care of his little sister.
girl dad! hansol who LOVES it when his baby plays with him. he'd be just sitting there, and she crawls over, pulling the ends with his pants to get his attention. he lifts her up on his shoulders, while watching the program on the tv. the next moment he feels her pulling his hair and his ears and he starts blushing and giggling. you sit beside from them, watching his giggles elicit hearty laughs from your daughter.
girl dad! hansol who secretly worries if your daughter will like the room he's taken so much effort to decorate. he's tailing along as you take her to her new room; he eagerly watches her as her tiny eyes look around the room; he ends up beaming with pride and joy when she squeals and runs to him for all the beautiful decorations. he feels so happy his heart threatens to explode and his cheeks hurt from smiling too hard.
girl dad! hansol who is eager to spend some alone time with you. dont get him wrong, he would love to spend every waking moment with his little girl, but it's been too long without any intimate touch and it has slowly driven him crazy. so the moment his sister, Sophia, is out the door with your daughter, his mouth is on yours and his hands on every inch of your skin, like he's trying to remember what your body felt like before all this beautiful chaos.
you're giggling, watching his rush and eagerness, but he takes no time to silence you and replace them with moans and whimpers as he slowly relishes you. his tongue moves with a new grace and vigor, and all thoughts to remain silent leaves your mind as you call out his name repeatedly throughout the night.
girl dad! hansol who is beyond ecstatic over the fact that his daughter and he share the same love for food. who steals food from your plate and ends up indirectly teaching his daughter the same. so now, when you have burgers and fries on special nights, you remain extra cautious because one moment of distraction could lead to the crunchy fries and half a burger going missing.
girl dad! hansol who looks forward to fridays for movie nights with his favourite girls. you both have always had this ritual, but now with a new member along, he takes this as an opportunity to pass on his love for movies to his little princess. by 8pm, you prepare caramel popcorn and vanilla ice cream as she rushes to sit on her daddy's lap and pick the movie to watch.
girl dad! hansol who begins to slowly learn along with his baby. hearing you talk to your daughter about the importance of expressing emotions helps him understand that hiding them only pains those who love him. catching himself laughing loudly over some antics of his girl's make him realise that laughing out loud only brings more happiness to your life. watching his babygirl go from hearing her mother read stories to her to reading those stories on her own made him worry of the fact that time passes by too quick. he starts to cherish every laugh they share, every hug they have, every silly little competitions they keep.
and although his worry still remains, he likes to push it away with the thought that there's no other people he'd rather watch the sunsets and sunrises (that bring the calm after the chaos of crying over sleep and getting ready) with.
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divinesolas · 5 months ago
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sleepless nights
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based on two requests; you can’t sleep and it seems neither can your husband. you find comfort within one another.
wrds; 546
a.n: just some fluff/minor angst to distract me from the pain of todays ep, 🫶
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the ceiling was nice.
or maybe it was a couple minutes ago. hours ago? you had no clue how long you bad been up staring at it.
you missed luke. So much. your little brother. gone just like that. and you were so sick.
the door to your room opened but you dont even have the strength to look. with war at large you should be alert, especially with the attempt on your mothers life you should care. yet if someone has come to kill you you’ll let them because you cannot find it in yourself to care.
what you do notice however is the bed next to you sinking down and the warm heat, his smell. you turn your head, the first time youve moved in awhile you can feel the strain on your bones. a gentle hand runs on your cheek and you close your eyes at the warm. You can feel his breath on your skin, face to face though you cant bare to look at him, your eyes closed but you are more awake then ever.
“you were not at supper.”
you have barely left your bed today you certainly could not attend dinner.
“i am not hungry.”
“when was the last time you ate?”
you dont know. yesterday? a week ago? nothing mattered to you anymore.
your silence tells him everything he needs to know and he sighs, scooting closer to you and pulling you right against him. your head in his neck where you can feel his pulse. It gives you a sense of semblance a sense of life. He is alive.
“i miss him.” He knows exactly who youre talking about and his pulse races a shuttering breath leaves his lips. “i do too, so much.”
“its my fault.” you two say at the same time, pulling apart to look at each other. he is the first to speak, his guilt racing through his bones.
“how is this your fault? i was the one who had suggested we fly out the blame is on me alone-“
“i had swapped with him. i did not want to fly to see borros and i asked if i could take lady arryn. He agreed,” you find yourself struggling to speak as the tears flood into your eyes and your throat closes around you. “it would have been me. it should have been me.”
He grips your shoulders and looks you dead in the eyes, despite the gloss over them you can feel the fury. “never say such a thing. what would i do without you?” your eyes shut and shaky sobs escape your lips. His lips press against yours and your sobs cease. He pulls away and brushes your tears off your face.
“i suppose it does not matter whos fault it is. Because we have each other. and we will never lose each other. ever. when our mother ascends the throne we will take her place after her. and everyday we will live, for him.”
You nod. Hes right. You should not be wallowing in your grief it is not what he would have wanted. You allow him to lull you to sleep. It is the first time you’ve been able to sleep in days. You are at peace.
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perm jace taglist <3 (open!)
@earth4angels @cruelworldlana @smurfelle @ireneispunk @hxtd @venmondiese @urmomsgirlfriend1 @jacesvelaryons @ravenn-darkholme @damewritesalot
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sixflame438 · 22 days ago
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Chasing Lightning
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Synopsis - Your girlfriend’s in a mood and locks herself in your room causing you to sleep apart. It starts thunder storming in the middle of the night but Minjeong is scared of lightning
Pairing - Kim Minjeong X Reader
Tags - Fluff, light angst, mild astraphobia, established relationship, grammatical errors probably, another 3am post
A/N - A short fic i wrote in one go (yay me), will try to get the other drafts out of the basement after my last 2 exams :D
Wordcount - 1726
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Minjeong was mad again and you dont have a clue why. All you did know was that you finished your dinner alone and that your apartment was lacking the usual lively energy of your girlfriend. It was like winter had frozen over with how silent and chilling being in the apartment felt, not even the sounds of a drama playing quietly in the background.
You missed your girlfriend despite her simply being a door apart. And of course you tried multiple times to get her out, whether that was sincerely asking her to or attempting to lure her out with snacks they were all to no avail. She just wouldn’t budge.
If it weren’t for the muffled noises coming from behind the door you probably wouldve assumed you were home alone but they were very real and they definitely came from your girlfriend. You deduced the sounds to be crying and sniffling and it hurt you to hear them, even more knowing you had no way to stop them.
You couldnt even begin to figure out why she was in such a mood. It was like this when you came back from work.
No hugs
No kisses
No Minjeong
No nothing
You couldve easily spent the entire night trying to coax her out but you were tired and sweaty from work and all you wanted to do was crash out while snuggling with your favorite person.
If Minjeong wasnt going to let you in, youd just have to give her some time and space. You had no choice anyway.
She had locked you out of your own bedroom and left you to fend for yourself alone. (it was practically both of yours with how often she was in there with you but the audacity of this girl)
And since most of your stuff was in there you had to make do with what was left scattered around the house. It really wasnt that hard though since you were quite the clumsy mess, always forgetting and leaving things in places they shouldnt be.
In your scavenger hunt you had found a spare set of clothes to change into, some makeup wipes to clean your face with and half of the products required in your night routine.
You took a quick shower to freshen up and rearranged the couch so that you would have an easier time trying to sleep. There was a spare blanket bundled in the corner from your movie night 2 days ago which you could use and some cushions and pillows you could stack to provide another layer of comfort.
Laying onto your makeshift bed, you struggled with finding a good position to sleep in. The couch wasnt ideal to sleep on and the cushions kept moving out of place everytime you turned. It wasnt much but it would have to do, youd just have to hope it was enough.
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It wasnt enough. You were certain just lying on that made you feel worse than you did before. The uneven feeling of the cushions didnt help either as different parts of your body were elevated while others were feeling the hard surface of the couch.
The weather didnt help much as a thunderstorm started as soon as you tried sleeping and no matter how hard you wanted to, you couldn’t will yourself into slumber either. The raging downpour of rain mixed with the thunderclaps created a painful symphony of pattering noises, uneven and aching to the ear, perfect to distract someone from falling asleep.
Lightning had also started coloring the dark skies with its striking flashes, loud and unpredictable. Since you couldn’t sleep you decided it would be fine to indulge in the lightning instead, pulling over a chair and opening the blinds so you could see the skies better.
The low dim light glowing from the moon and the dark midnight sky helped illuminate the lightning strikes and bright stars. If you were a photographer you wouldve definitely tried capturing the moment in physical form but keeping the scene in your head was alright too.
Other than the scene being quite stunningly beautiful (like your girlfriend) you found it quite funny as it kind of looked like the sky was trying (and failing) to play connect the dots with the stars. You dont know why but you were just so entertained by the sight.
It was rare but you had always enjoyed seeing the natural phenomenon nonetheless, finding it quite fascinating and inspiring.
Your girlfriend on the other hand?
Strong stoic Minjeong was never a fan of lightning, it was quite an experience the first time you both saw the flashing lights together. The high pitched squeals and screams could never leave your head and you didnt want them to. It was fun seeing that side of her and even more fun teasing her about it.
You remember bringing her close and spending the night in each others embrace, forgetting the world as it faded away. This time though you weren’t there for her, you couldn’t even if you wanted to all because of a stupid locked door.
You were really hoping Minjeong had already fallen into a peaceful slumber and hadnt heard the harsh sounds of the lightning. Considering you hadnt heard any noises from your girlfriend yet you took it as a good sign but the worrying feeling wouldnt leave so you remained unsettled.
That feeling was quickly sidelined though as another bolt of lightning hit. This one had a tint of red to it which you found absolutely amazing. You had learnt in a previous deep dive that lightning strikes could reflect any colour in the spectrum so seeing it in person was mind blowing.
You were so mesmerized by the colours and sounds of the lightning that you didnt hear the slight click of the bedroom lock or the soft padding of feet in your direction. It wasnt until you felt 2 tiny arms around your waist that you snapped out of your haze.
Part of you was still resentful of how quickly Minjeong shut you out (physically and mentally) but as soon as you registered the tears coming from your beloved you crumbled.
Even though Minjeong was stubborn and acting up all you wanted to do was wrap her up and cradle her in your arms. She was always there for you so the least you could do was be there for her as well.
As you turn around to properly to face your girlfriend a perfectly timed lightning strike allowed you to see her entire face in all of its glory. Minjeong mustve been crying for a while by the red eyes and flushed cheeks.
You physically soften at the sight, heart filling with sympathy and concern as you observe your girlfriend for any other signs.
There was nothing you wanted more than to pull her into your arms and spend the rest of the night comforting her. Even your ego tried to resist but you couldn’t stop yourself from reaching out and doing just that.
You pull her onto your lap and with one arm rubbing her back in circles and the other running down her hair in a soft delicate motion you coax Minjeong into finally letting out the remaining tears. The weight of your comfort too heavy to bear.
A croaky im sorry is all you hear as your girlfriend starts sobbing into your shoulder. You’re not sure what shes apologizing for. Maybe for crying? For being vulnerable? For locking you out of your room? Her fear of lightning? Probably all of the above.
Humming in acknowledgment you continue to console Minjeong, whispering soft reassurances in between sobs. As the storm eventually faded out, Minjeongs crying evened out too. Soft whimpers and hiccups could be heard amongst the sprinkling of rain.
You have a feeling that Minjeong would’ve succeeded in staying the entire night alone in your room if it weren’t for the lightning scaring her out.
“Hey lets get some rest now that the rains subsided. Im gonna take you back into the room okay?” You dont wait for a reply as you gently lifted Minjeong off your lap and guided her to stand and lean onto you.
Slowly and steadily you lead her back into the bedroom and notice the soaked pillow doused in her tears. Hell no were you going to let her sleep on that. Luckily you were a person who loved sleeping with multiple pillows so you had some spare hidden away.
(Minjeong found it impractical having pillows to hug when you could just cuddle with her instead and your bed was only so big so you moved them to make room)
You pull out the unused pillows from your storage closet and tuck Minjeong back into bed with little resistance, her already tired state fueled by the lack of energy from all the crying.
Ensuring she was comfortable and safe you place an affectionate kiss on her forehead.
You were hesitant on whether you were allowed to join her or not, as you still didnt know why she was upset and if you had played a part in her suffering. But your questions get answered with a simple
“Stay”
Quiet and low but you heard it. Not allowing yourself to linger any longer, you climb into bed and tuck yourself in too. Gently wrapping your arms around Minjeong as you did before, careful not to set her off again.
It takes a while for Minjeong to calm down fully but with your soothing touches she eventually drifts off. As soon as you registered her breathing falling into a stable state, you allowed yourself to relax for the first time that night. Basking in the closeness of her company, you lay another tender kiss on her forehead and temple.
It didnt matter what had happened, as long as you were still able to kiss her goodnight that’s all that mattered. Youre still skeptical about Minjeongs behavior, being kept in the dark about something as important as this was not something you enjoyed but you had a feeling that it would work out. Tomorrow was new day and you had plenty of time to decode her then.
Now that Minjeong was back in your arms you were never letting her go (unless she tried to lock herself in again that is)
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theiasthesis · 3 months ago
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Shifting can be escapism, and that's OK.
Im going to give you a valuable lesson, so stick to the post, dont skip because every word is important. Don't let that small attention span get to you baby, remember that knowledge is power.
My name is Willow! I'm a non-dualist reality shifter, shifting coach and subliminal creator who's a freak for the multiverse and knowledge. Everything I say on here is based on my own personal experiences and research.
This post can help you with:
Escapism, guilt for shifting, realising you're worthy of shifting.
The self determination theory (SDT) is a psychological theory of motivation. It focuses on the degree to which specific human behaviour is for the self ; self motivated and self determined
Basically, what exactly is it that a human being can do, that isn't manipulated by outside influence, but rather their own human nature?
According to the theory these are 3 self motivated human behaviours:
Autonomy
Having the freedom to decide your actions without outside influence.
Example: Being able to go out with your friends, without your parents restricting you.
Competence
The ability to do something effectively and be useful.
Example: You're a very useful employee at your company, this means you are competent for your job.
Relatedness
Being connected or related to someone, or something.
Example: Having a connection with family or friends
OK, so how does any of this apply to shifting and escapism?
When you lack one of any of these 3 behaviours or feelings, this is a disruption your human nature. Naturally by birth, you are within your birth right to recieve all of this.
Each of these behaviours, have extreme importance in your cognitive behaviour
- Cognitive behaviors are thoughts, ideas, and representations of yourself to others.
If you don't have the will or ability to control your actions independently, you are most likely going to feel stuck, and like everything is out of your control. Doing things that make you happy and activities you find meaningful, will become an issue due to your lack of autonomy.
If you don't feel competent in areas of your life, or people aren't competent when it comes to you, this can create low self esteem and a bad self concept, you may think of yourself as "worthless" "useless" or "incompetent"
You may feel less motivated to taking on new challenges and activities, as you feel like you're just going to fail, and mess everything up anyways.
Connection is what makes us human, love and empathy towards overs and receiving it, is what makes human life so special. Relatedness, is what you need to experience caring relationships, to be part of a community, and overall to feel love. Humans need love, that is a fact.
When these basic needs aren't met, a human being can lack the motivation to commit to any one of these factors, which take up a huge part in life.
Lacking these can make you feel, stressed, anxious, self loath and nihilistic.
When you don't have these 3 factors, this causes a lack of motivation to commit to them, which means you don't have them.
So you turn to something else, escapism.
"Escapism is the tendency to distract oneself from real-life problems. It can also be conceived as shutting meanings out of one's mind and freeing oneself from self-awareness for a while . Escapism has been identified as one of the key drivers behind online behaviors, in both adaptive and maladaptive ways"
- PubMed Central®
Link to study
Think of escapism like touching a hot stove. Imagine you place your hand upon a stove. At first its cold, and you're fine.
Then the temperature starts to slowly rise, its currently warm, its still fine you can deal with it. Now, it's getting hotter, and hotter, and hotter...
And you remove your hand.
Not on purpose, but by instinct.
By reflex, your hand immediately moved away from the stove once it got too hot.
Your nervous system felt the pain, which sent a signal to the brain, that something with your hand is wrong.
Biology isn't my strong suit I fear.
Another example.
You're in immediate danger, there's a tsunami coming your way, it's too big for you to face, if you stay where you are, you're going to get crushed by the water, and die on impact. So what do you do?
You run.
Naturally you escape from the dangerous situation, because who in their right mind would test their luck and try to survive a tsunami?
Are you getting it?
When human beings are faced with a situation that is uncomfortable, causes mental, or physical harm, or even death, their first response is to escape.
It is human nature to run, to escape, to not face the dangerous situation. Sometimes it can be a bad move, like ditching a daye you were nervous for, other times it could be skipping school because you constantly run into a group of serious bullies.
Repeat after me.
If you are in a situation where you do not feel loved, worthy, or free, you are allowed to escape.
You are allowed to escape.
Empathise on that baby, nobody is going to tell you off for it.
However, you must be weary of using shifting as escapism.
Shifting is a wonderful phenomenon, it is not something that determines whether you live or not. It doesn't determine your worth either, nor is it something that causes you psychological stress.
If you find yourself having suicidal or self harming thoughts, with shifting as a way to mend these thoughts, I beg of you to take a step back and evaluate these thoughts of yours.
Shifting is a journey, I preach that it's something that can be done on the first go, but that isn't the case for everybody.
It can be as short or as long as you make it, failure in shifting when using it as an escape from serious issues, is a one way road to psychological distress.
With that, I ask that you first deal with your mental health, before anything else.
Find something that makes you feel good and grounded, something you enjoy.
Please remember, that not everything is something you must be good at, if it came from you it's already perfect.
Meditation, painting, dancing, listening to music, writing, exercise. Anything and everything that makes you feel good, nothing is too silly, nobody is going to think you're weird or bad at doing something you love to do.
I found that talking out loud, writing in my journal, mediation and watching anime helped me a lot when I had "life impacting plans" connected to shifting.
LESSON SUMMARY
1. It is natural for human beings to run away when they are faced in a dangerous or uncomfortable situation
2. Shifting being used to run away from a bad situation, isn't negative. It only becomes negative once you prioritise it over your own health
3. Your mental and physical health always comes first before shifting
4. You deserve to be loved, to feel worthy, to not be let down, and to be free, whether that's through shifting or not!
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daistea · 6 months ago
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I started writing an imagine request but got distracted and produced This Thing. I’ve been wanting to write out my thoughts and my analysis on Mithrun’s state of mind for a while, actually
tw suicide, depression, discussions of mental health and self worth
Dungeon Meshi Spoilers ahead ‼️❗️
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Sooo despite a lack of desires, Mithrun lives by habit.
These habits aren’t driven by preference, likes or dislikes. They’re still culturally acceptable though, mainly because Milsiril and his brother were the ones that instilled these habits in him(Mithrun doesn’t care what’s acceptable if it has nothing to do with the demon.) And there are still a few quirks leftover from his old self, things he never had a stark desire or choice to do but still did simply because he was used to them. Even after 40 years, the ins and outs of what the demon did to him remain still so complex.
Mithrun doesn’t really care about the details all that much. I like to think that outside of the dungeon, he has a regular bathroom schedule. He bathes every day when possible. He brushes his teeth for exactly two minutes, twice a day. It isn’t that he desires to not stink, it’s that he has to do these to keep his team willing to be around him so he’d have a better chance at finding the demon again and finishing the job.
In my headcanon, there are a few small habits he hasn’t quite picked up yet. He often doesn’t bother to brush his hair— the thought doesn’t even enter his mind. It gets stringy, something his old self never would’ve allowed. Its only when he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror— a very rare occurrence, since mirrors remind him of the demon and the demon makes him want to shatter things— that he realizes that he should probably brush it for the sake of functionality.
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Taking care of his skin is yet another habit he’d never really formed. Elves have naturally perfect skin anyway, so there’s no use. But they could still be scarred, and marred, and reflect physical neglect. Like with dark eye bags, a lack of sunlight, and dehydration.
Mithrun is incredibly dehydrated.
He doesn’t realize that, of course. While his body would feel the neglect, it doesn’t send those signals to his brain. With things like peeing, he only realizes that he needs to go to the bathroom because he recognizes the physical feeling, not because his brain says ‘got to pee now.’
With hunger, he feels pangs, but those pangs dont translate into appetite or a desire to eat. He only eats because it would keep him alive long enough to encounter the demon again.
Dehydration is also slightly physical, in that his throat will sometimes feel dry or his lips will chap, but he has not a single thought of ‘I’m craving water,’ Plus, what does that have to do with defeating the demon? Applying burts bees watermelon flavored lip balm ain’t getting him nowhere.
Everything goes back to the demon. Every move he makes is either because it’s a necessity of staying alive(to kill the demon) or because it’s part of the intricate web that will eventually lead him to the demon.
Mithrun gets hurt, he feels the physical pain, but his only desire is to patch it up quickly and keep moving to get to the demon. Healing himself for the sake of relief doesn't matter. Demon comes first. The demon is everything. It’s in the air he breathes, it’s in his bloodstream.
He doesn’t realize that he’s still Mithrun. He doesn’t consider himself as Mithrun anymore, that’s just his name. He lives for revenge(so he says) He Is An Instrument, a weapon that exists and is only maintained for the sole purpose of Revenge
A common misconception is that he has no emotion. Not true, he just doesn’t desire to fake a smile or joy or laughter for the sake of making someone feel comfortable. He can still smile quite naturally when he’s, ya know, getting closer to the goddamn demon. He can still be surprised and feel adrenaline and be angry at the things that happen in life. He can still get irritated or annoyed at his companions. He still has opinions, thoughts, feelings. He’s himself.
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Idk. It’s incomprehensible almost, not having desires. It brings up so many variables. It’s not something you can be very literal or cut-and-dry about. My most effective way of connecting with his character is applying my experience with depression and the lack of desire I feel for doing certain things, and how I only do them for the sake of my family and friends. I think that’s considered relatively functioning. And I think honestly Mithrun would be considered high-functioning. But it’s not that he wants to do those things, he does them because he’s supposed to, because it all leads back to the stupid bitch face demon.
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Mithrun tells himself he wants it dead. That’s his desire. But he knows if he ever succeeded in getting rid of it, he would have nothing. He’s okay with that. He’s going to die anyway, no matter if it’s by passively wasting away or by the mouth of the lion. He’s prepared for death, it’s inevitable. He’s not scared.
But once he decides to live again, he still functions mainly by habit. Except he starts to apply himself a little more.
“I’m going to wash myself today because my companions would appreciate that” and not “I need to stay clean to keep the team around to lead me to the demon”
And “I’m going to make noodles today to keep me busy.”
“I’m going to get a dog so I’ll have an obligation to go outside every day to walk it, because it’s good for me to do that.”
They’re still conscious choices, and sometimes he falters, he doesn’t register that he should do something. But he’s chosen to live and he’s trying to function not for the sake of his one goal, but for the sake of the gift that is existence.
He’ll learn to love, to have genuine friendships. On good days, he’ll appreciate a warm meal, the feeling of relief when drinking water, the soft touch of someone close to him. And he’ll experience these things because that’s what living people do. They’re nice things. He doesn’t do things anymore simply because they’ll take him closer to the demon.
It’s freeing, in a way. It’s scary, in another way. Imagine you’ve lost your one purpose in life, the one thing that keeps you on your feet, how would you react? Terrifying.
Mithrun is incredibly brave and strong for making the choice to find a new purpose, to exist, to eat.
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theemissuniverse · 1 year ago
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“GOTTA BE QUICKER THAN THAT” KENSHI X FEM!READER
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SUMMARY : You always try to attack Kenshi randomly but it never works. (He is blind btw)
WARNINGS : MINORS DONT INTERACT. Nothing major but mentions of kenshi being “hard” lmao
A/N : originally suppose to be with Liu Kang but I have zero Kenshi content and plus it’s funnier with him
MASTERLIST
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Kenshi was meditating in his room. Trying to relieve all the stress and anxiety that filled his spirit. It was always something that felt calming to him.
Something disturbed him though. His senses were severely heightened. He could smell perfume. Your perfume. He recognized your scent.
Immediately he stood up and blocked the hit that was coming at him. He blocked the second hit that was coming to his stomach.
Kenshi grabbed your right arm. He twisted it and threw you the ground. You groaned a little. “You have to be lying that you’re blind.”
He chuckled. “Don’t be mad that you got beat by a blind man.” He teased. He held his hand for you to take.
You take his hand and dusted yourself off. “This isn’t over!” You walked off angrily.
“I’m sure it isn’t.”
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The next day, Kenshi was speaking to Johnny about the movie he was working on. “I am not being in your movie, Cage.” Kenshi told him.
Johnny whined. “Why not? It will be fun. I promise and-“ He cut himself off when he saw you walking behind Kenshi.
Kenshi awaited for Johnny to continue speaking. “And what?”
“And…” Johnny decided to help you by distracting him. “You’re like totally the most kick ass guy I know. You got to do it.”
“Who do you got that’s playing as me anyway?”
“Someone that’s super hot.”
“Are you calling me hot?”
“Shut up.”
This time, Kenshi recognized you were behind him because you’re heavy footed. So, he waited for you to strike.
You went to sweep at Kenshi’s legs but Kenshi jumped over your move. Kenshi then turned to face you. You went to kick him in the stomach but he blocked it.
Kenshi jumped back at all your upcoming attacks. He then used your own attack against you and swept your feet.
You fall to the ground and groan in pain. “This is just getting sad.” Kenshi told you.
“I will prevail!”
Kenshi helps you get back up. You give Johnny a look that was dying of laughter. You placed your hands on your hips. “It’s not funny.” Johnny couldn’t even argue with you. He fell down from laughing so hard. You rolled your eyes and Kenshi chuckled.
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Liu Kang was meditating at the courtyard. You immediately stomped towards him. Liu Kang recognized your stomps and opened his eyes.
“Lord Liu Kang you gotta teach me how to beat Kenshi. There’s no way he can beat me. Are y’all pranking me? Is he not actually blind?” When you realized you didn’t bow to him, you sighed at yourself. “Oh yeah.” You bowed quickly then got back on track. “Are you gonna help me or what?”
Liu Kang stood up from the ground. “You two are still going at it?”
“Yes because I am the best and I will reign as champion.”
He snickered some and motioned towards him. “Try to strike me.”
You gave him a look. “You sure? I don’t want to hurt you Lord Liu Kang.”
“Oh really?”
You tried to kick at Liu Kang and he blocked it instantly. You then tried to throw a punch at him but he blocked it again. You tried to do a roundhouse kick but Liu Kang backed up.
Finally, you tried to kick his feet. Liu Kang grabbed your leg and threw you to the ground. “Ow.”
Liu Kang dusted his hands a little before speaking. “Your first problem is-you’re cocky. You think you can beat him because you believe he has the disadvantage.”
You stood up from the ground and cracked your neck. “Great. What’s the second?”
“Your attacks are far too predictable. Coming from Kenshi- you spend all your time with him. He knows you. Thirdly, his senses are heightened. Even I recognized you were coming to me because you are the only one I know that is so heavy footed. It also would help too if you did not wear that perfume.”
You listened to everything Liu Kang said and took it all in. You then nodded. “So stop being cocky, be unpredictable, stop stomping and lose the perfume. Thanks Lord Liu Kang.” You were about to walk away but you turned to look at him. “Do I have to bow at you every time or-“
“Just go and challenge Kenshi.”
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Kenshi was in his room but this time he was doing his exercises. It was strange. You had not tried to attack him all day. His guard was up.
What he didn’t know was that you were in his closet and were waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. You had cut the perfume out and were going to make sure you weren’t so heavy footed.
You also were gonna take in Liu Kang’s other advice.
Kenshi held his hands together with his head down. You watched as he preformed another exercise.
He was only in his sweats. Kenshi was completely shirtless and you had to admit-he did look good.
‘Focus (Y/N)!’ You yelled at yourself internally before slowly opening the door. You were careful not to make a sound.
Kenshi did not hear you and continued with his exercises. With every step you to took, you made sure to take very slow.
He still did not spot it was you. This time you didn’t go for the obvious strike. You placed your arms around Kenshi’s neck and held him in a chokehold.
Kenshi grabbed at your arms, slightly confused. Then when he felt a familiar scar on your arm, he knew it was you. “(Y/N)?”
“Say I’m the greatest of all time and I’ll let you go.” You told him, still having him in a chokehold.
Kenshi elbowed your gut. Your arm’s immediately let go of him. He then twisted your arm and threw you but he had thrown you on the bed.
You plopped on the bed. You looked around and then back him. “This is a little kinky don’t you think?”
Kenshi chuckled. “You started it.”
You went to kick his stomach but he blocked it. You kept throwing punches at him and he stayed blocking them, on defense.
You finally got him good. You landed one right on his nose. His nose was bleeding slightly. He felt his nose and then turned to you. “You really want to do this, (L/N)?”
“Bring it.”
“Okay.” Kenshi got in his offense stance. “But if I win you got to go on a date with me.”
Your eyes widen a little at his advance. “Oh? Maybe I’ll lose then.”
He snickered. This time, Kenshi threw the first punch. You blocked it. This time you felt forced to be on defense mode while Kenshi was on offense.
This happened for some time. He kept going at you blow for blow until eventually he had got you good. He kicked you into the stomach so hard, you fell to the ground.
Kenshi heard the loud thud on the ground and instantly got worried. “Are you okay?”
You didn’t reply. You flipped yourself back up and landed on your feet. You went to hit him on the right side of his face. Kenshi blocked it. He went to hit you at the left side of your face but you blocked it.
Kenshi tried to kick you but you kicked his leg back. He stumbled a little. You gave him a good punch to the gut and he stumbled again. You finally threw him on the bed.
You got on top of him and you rested your arm around his neck. You were choking him. “Concede.”
He tapped your arm, motioning to you that he conceded.
You let go of him. You blinked your eyes in shock. “I did it?” You laughed slightly. “I won! Ha! Say it!”
If Kenshi could roll his eyes, he would. “You’re the greatest of all time.”
“Don’t you forget it. I cannot wait to brag to-“
Kenshi couldn’t take it anymore. He brought your chin down to him and kissed you. You sat there, a little shocked but you kissed him back none the less.
His lips tasted beautiful. Kenshi felt like a delight. Especially when his other hand started to grab onto your hip.
You pulled away a little. Kenshi touched the bottom of your lip. “I still want a date.”
You felt himself grow a little hard and you chuckled. “Worry about a cold shower first.” You got up from him and opened Kenshi’s door to call out to your friends. “Guys I beat him! In your face! Screw everyone that said I couldn’t do it.”
Kenshi smiled and laid back on the bed. What you didn’t know was that Kenshi had let you win. In reality, Kenshi was just the better fighter but he knew how much it meant to you for you to win so he let you.
And he didn’t regret it one bit.
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abnomi · 2 months ago
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random assorted headcanons for Turbo because I like thinking and having fun !!!! 🎉
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Read More to Find Out...or are you too scared?... i bet ur too scared ahaha youre too scared Lol! Hahaahaaa!!!
The steering wheel of his kart is covered in bite marks, similar to how one would bite their favorite pencil. he bites things to mark his territory because Nobody is gonna touch that unless they want all of his diseases (150+).
i just know he was fighting to restrain himself not to chew on any of the candy civilians
when it comes to music, he doesn't see the point of listening to it. he doesn't have enough patience to really take it in; to him, it's just a thing that exists and not much more than that ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ ∵⁠ )⁠_⁠/⁠¯
adding onto that point, this guy listens to metal clanking sounds and loud engine roaring for entertainment because he likes things that would overstimulate any normal person. turbo is incredibly sensory-seeking and will do anything for The Sensations
someone should take him to a heavy rock concert i think it would change him a little. keep that thang on a leash
related to being sensory-seeking, i think he would absolutely love running his hands over random textures. if anyone has run their hands along a wall while walking alongside it...He does that...If u know u know... he is SO stimmy its unbelievable. Unreal.
very pain-tolerant. he'll whine and complain about it for attention, but physical hurt really doesnt bother him much until it gets in the way of what he wants to do.
funnily enough, he is very picky when it comes to temperature. he can handle getting ran over but if its 1° too hot or cold he'll start nagging and nagging for it to go back to normal. turbo really needs his own enclosure i think it'd do him a lot of good
this is a more popular headcanon and its canon-leaning, but he's an artist :-] he usually sticks to graffiti art because its generally considered more "rebellious and cool" but he also sketches cars, design decals, and other stuff when hes alone!
i would love to see his process of character designing king candy because i dont think he really knew what he was doing
he was just like "ok what does a generic king look like. uhhhhh.... 1, old and jolly like santa claus.... 2.... uhh crown..... 3......... purple.... FUCK YEAH im so good at this!!!!🔥🔥🔥"
i just noticed how his design has like 0 actual candy motifs aside from his bow being a candy wrapper and his shoes having those little gumdrop end pieces. what was he THINKING
while King Candy has a lisp, i think it's a coverup for his actual voice because of how goofy and recognizable it is. Overall its the same as his regular voice, he just gets silly with it. i noticed that he still does retain some of his lisp when hes screaming his lungs out at Vanellope, however, so maybe he genuinely does have a lisp that makes itself known when furious :3
another thing i noticed is how he hisses his S's. very cool very cool the reptilian
@/tasticturbo made a post abt how he has tinnitus from the constant noise in his game and i couldnt agree more
AND THE PRESCRIPTION GLASSES. where did he get those...he needs to See
side note, the aforementioned account has made so many interesting analyses on turbo and theyre all so insightful. i recommend u check them out
i think he gets migraines from stress. constant buzzing or pain flood his head but hes like "IDGAF i need to DO something at ALL TIMES no matter what"
hes like a shark in that way. if hes not moving he'll die instantly. idk a lot about sharks or if thats how it works srry but im going off of what the Worms are saying to me and i dont have much to work with
i think a really big contributer as to why he lacks in the self care department is because he fails to notice that something in his body is wrong. hes far too distracted on something he thinks is more important than remembering to Eat Food or Drink Water or Wash Himself or
he's like "WHY DO I FEEL LIKE SHIT ALL OF THE TIME!!! I HATE MY LIFE" and he hasn't slept in 4 days
hes so me. Sorry.
i dont think turbo is necessarily suicidal, but the way he behaves shows a clear disregard for his own safety and wellbeing. he thinks that he knows what he needs but he really doesnt :-[ i think he has some kind of immortality complex, feeling untouchable and like nothing could get to him. as scared as he was when ralph was about to turn him into sloppy mush, he didnt take the threat very seriously. like it was some kind of joke
his kart regenerates every time his game starts up, so what if he smashed it into buildings for fun. He's the number one fan of car accidents. he is all about that shit
i think his living space would literally be a garage btw. its a place to sleep and a space for his car all in one!! he thinks its very convenient and awesome but i think he is coping. he has some old dingy stained sheetless mattress that he has never washed in his life and its covered in dirt and smoke particles. no wonder he has such heavy eye bags Dude Please
the turbo twins have a garage used in a similar way, and while its still pretty shitty, they still at least TRY to maintain it. they just fight a lot over who has to care of it. nobody taught them how to take turns ever
but this aint about them. maybe another day
i think that turbo would find comfort in garbage and keeping it around because its familiar to him. a big clean empty space would make him so mad and if anyone moves even an inch of scrap off to the side he will throw a fit. he generally doesnt pay attention to his surroundings but when its his personal space he is 1093 times more neurotic
i think the big empty castle he stole wouldve been a big transition for him. maybe it helped him clear his mind a little more to practice his tricky schemes...it helped him get more subtle
thats all i have for nowww ty for reading ^_^ if anyone else has any wacky ideas pleeeease tell me i would love to hear them!!
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ist4rgirlo · 1 year ago
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────────── 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 - 𝐜.𝐟
ONE SHOT !
they did say that when two people are meant to be together, they will eventually find a way back to each other. however, are you ready to open your heart again to a person who has broken it in the past?
SEQUEL TO : you’re losing me
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“They say that your first love never dies. You can put out the flame but not the fire”
It was true, for me atleast. I’d be lying if I said that I don’t love Conrad, because I do, I still do — no matter how much he had hurt me before, a piece of my heart is still beating for him.
Time, curious time
Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs
Were there clues I didn't see?
And isn't it just so pretty to think
It wasn’t easy to move on, he made me feel things — things that I never felt before. He was different, he just was.
For two years, I had done my best to put the past behind me, but still, I would often find myself thinking of Conrad and wondering what could have been.
Until one day, when an unexpected text message popped up on my phone. It was from Conrad, of all people. Confused but curious, I opened the message. The only thing that it said was 'Are you free today?’ Could he possibly still care about me, after all this time?
A string that pulled me
Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar
Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire
Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons
One single thread of gold tied me to you
I thought back to the words we had said to each other; the heartache that had been so painful that it had taken so long for me to move on. But still, here he was, wanting to see me. Was I willing to open my heart up to someone who had broken it so badly in the past?
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Conrad asked me if we could meet at the beach near Cousins. I dont know why why I said yes, maybe I wanted closure — maybe I wanted to hear his side.
I stood on the dock, the ocean air getting caught in my hair. Although the sun was out and the sky a brilliant blue,
I couldn't bring myself to take in the beauty of the day. I was too consumed with my thoughts, instead glancing around, distracted and flustered.
I saw Conrad — standing at the end of the shore, a better vision than the view of the ocean I had become accustomed to.
I swallowed hard as I stared into his eyes - the same eyes that had shattered my heart months ago. He looked different. Older, strong, different from the man I had said goodbye to all those months ago.
But there he was, standing in front of me, arms crossed — pain pierced through me like a hot knife as I remembered fond memories I shared with him. Memories that were now tarnished by the hurt he had caused me.
I took a deep breathe and stepped forward — walking towards him.
“Hey Conrad,” I said tentatively.
He looked up with surprise, then quickly looked away. “Hey y/n,” he muttered.
“It’s been so long huh?” Conrad asked. I looked at him before answering “Yeah, It has. I just want to get to the point already. Why did you want to see me?” I asked him.
His eyes met mine, filled with regret and longing. "I never stopped thinking about you," he confessed, his voice laced with raw emotion.
I listened, my heart warring between the past and the present. Memories flooded my mind - stolen kisses, whispered promises, and the crushing pain of betrayal. And yet, beneath it all, the flicker of what once was remained.
"You broke me," I replied, my voice steadying.
Conrad reached out to gently touch my cheek, sending a shiver down my spine. "Please, Y/n," he pleaded, his voice filled with desperation. "What I did was fucked up, you didn’t deserve that — you didn’t deserve to be ignored, I-I should’ve paid more attention to you”
"I messed up, I admit it. I was a fool to let you go. I've regretted it every single day, and I wish I could turn back time and change things." He said, taking a step closer.
I blinked back tears, trying to resist the pull I felt towards him. "Conrad, it's not that easy. You hurt me so deeply, and I've spent so long trying to heal." I said, backing away from him.
"I know," he murmured, his voice cracked with emotion. "But I'm here now, and all I want is a chance to make things right, to prove to you that I've changed. I want to be better for you.”
His words tugged at my heartstrings, and I felt a glimmer of hope. Could we really find a way back to each other? Was it possible to rebuild what had been broken?
Time, wondrous time
Gave me the blues and then purple pink skies
And it's cool, baby, with me
The sound of crashing waves filled the silence between us, punctuating the weight of the moment. I looked into Conrad's eyes, searching for sincerity, I’m scared — scared of risking again. Scared of getting hurt again.
“I-I don’t know, Conn-“ I said looking down, he walked closer — his hands reaching for mine.
“I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything, just.. just let me love you. Let me be a better man for you.” he paused “I’ll wait for you”
And isn't it just so pretty to think
All along there was some
Invisible string
Tying you to me?
I looked up at him, I saw the glint in his eyes — he was genuine, his voice sounded hopeful — his eyes filled with love. It wouldn’t hurt if I tried again right? maybe now, it’ll be right.
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shotmrmiller · 4 months ago
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https://x.com/babyboat22/status/1819915483795050893?s=46 dont look at me sideways but i see amateur thief reader and “victim” soap who let you rob his ass just to keep your hands on him. he couldnt stop humming and chuckling and grinning while you pinned him to the grimy brick alley wall, patting him down and trying to search for anything good. you nick the gold rosary chain his mother gave to him, but he’s hardly worried. just keeps talking, trying to hear your voice, like he isn’t being violently accosted at the moment. besides, he likes being manhandled by a pretty thing like you.
its a wonder why someone so bitty could grow the balls to do something like this. to someone like him, of all people. its the opposite of a power trip. kind of a rush, knowing that you have no idea that he’s entirely in control of the situation you put the both of you in. that if he wanted, he could reverse this little game of yours, have you struggling and crying just for him.
but he denies himself, lets you have your fun.
when you take his wallet (not a big deal, just a couple 20s worth) he asks if you could hand him some of the trojans in there as well, wonders aloud if he’ll need them. he hears you suck in a scandalized breath and shivers in pleasure when your movements grow more shaky as you keep trying to ignore him.
“no need ta take ‘em from me, bonnie. in a plenty givin’ mood, ye can just ask,” he huffs against the wall, looking back at you the best he can with his face smushed against the brick, dark and honeyed eyes. he bargains, in a deeper, more enticing voice, “could take ye ‘ome and let ye ransack the ‘ole place if ye decide ta play a ‘lil nice—“
you yank his head back sharply before smashing his cheek into the brick, earning a groan from the man in your clutches. “shut the fuck up!”
he can taste the blood on his lips, staining his teeth. it hurts but the pain has his boner throbbing hard and unignorable. he’s missed this type of violence. usually the only way he can get it off the field is from simon, but this will do. this will more than do.
perhaps him chuckling despite being mortally injured freaked you out finally because you hastily pocket your ill-gotten gains before turning tail and running off into the night. soap’s not worried. what type of mercenary would he be if he doesn’t keep track of what’s his? it’s not hard to find you after that, where you live, go to work, which movies you like to see in your free time.
so when you spot him just as he sits down next to you in the theater, you can’t help the paralytic feeling of realizing you recognize this man. can barely move when he smirks all pretty at you, split lip and all, as he wraps an arm around your seat and spreads his thighs so wide that they crush against yours, his big calloused hand squeezing your shoulder, pulling you into him like you’re old friends.
“sorry ‘m late,” he murmurs, leaning close to your ear, letting his breath hit hot on your lobe. “traffic ‘n all.”
you try to turn towards him, “you—“
“shh, shh—“ he tightens his grip on your shoulder, keeping you from moving away from him. his sudden strength is frightening. “dinnae distract from the movie, aye? paid good money for it, ah bet.” soap licks his lips and hums before smiling, his hand pushes under your arm to grab your tit. “let’s enjoy it together, then ah’ll take ye ‘ome with me. how’s that sound?”
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okay okay i'm listeningggg
popcorn cold and soggy from the butter sits on your lap, the flavored water that was once an icee on your left. his hand is firm around your thigh after fighting through the previews to get him off your tits and arse.
a compromise. sure. but then you've got to go to the bathroom (curious because you've never gone anywhere while the movie is rolling, soap thinks) but okay. when you've gotta go, you've gotta go. the piss bottles he's had to toss in the bin after flying for hours in nikolai's metal stallion can attest to that.
and this, you think, clammy hands fisting the brand new secondhand shirt you got from goodwill, is your way out. away from him. maybe even to the police. you've only ever done this shit out of necessity. hoping to get enough out of the privileged to soothe the pang of gnawing hunger in your stomach (and that of the other street urchins)
whatever you thought could've happened doesn't because he's breathing down your neck from the moment you rise from your seat. his paw is in your back pocket while he walks you to the bathroom.
his hand stays in your pocket as he, with a chivalrous gesture, opens the door to said bathroom. he also aids you in getting in the stall. and no, not the bigger one at the end. he crams you into the very first one that's available, him following right behind. he fits in there like a rubber stopper. shoulders broad enough to touch both walls. arms like trunks cross over the breadth of his chest as he looks down at you expectantly.
"needed to piss, aye? go on. cannae 'ave you runnin' off again."
it's only when he leans down, his nose touching yours as he tells you to, "go 'fore ah make ye," that has your trembling fingers fumbling with the front button of your jeans.
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