#but if i didn't have the free time or had to drive for hours everywhere i would be STOKED to still get to enjoy books

[lazylittledragon]

ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????

[pedge-page]

Cravings

Frankie 'Catfish' Morales x F!reader

Summary: Pussy eating king frankie, who gets his aforementioned nickname when you tried to come up with ways to prevent him from relapsing back to coke.

Warnings: soooo much oral —pussy eating, cum eating, grinding, dry humping, cumming in pants, kissing, Frankie's mouth is everywhere, alcohol, drunk sex, unprotected sex, little dub con since Frankie doesn't ask if he can cum inside, overstimulation, free use esc situations

Notes: This is NOT the Frankie free-use series I mentioned before; I'm a bit delayed with writing it, so here's something else i had started as a drabble but then... did not stay a drabble. Please like and reblog if you enjoy this fic!

18+ ONLY

- - - -

Rather than drowning himself in coke, Santi slyly suggest he drowns himself in pussy instead. The guys around the table laughed, but you kind of agreed and told him you'd help set him up on hookups. Frankie didn't want to go through the trouble of having to find a potentially different girl each night. Plus, his cravings were sporadic. He would need his fix in that moment whenever it came.

He remembered back when you had drunkenly admitted guys could hardly satisfy you because you had a high drive, usually cumming on your fingers at least 6 times a day before bed, often times more on lonely weekends. He was left speechless at the time, but now he couldn't get Santi's proposition mixed with that knowledge of you out of his head.

You tried to cook him meals instead or buy him hoards of candy, but the idea was stuck in his mind. You knew you'd be a convenient alternative, given you only lived less than 10 minutes away and was always around when he needed help. But you were afraid of crossing that line with one of your all time best friends.

Eventually, being around him so much—"on call" as the boys put it—left you susceptible to his sweet touches, ghosting lips against your ears, sporadic twitches and jittery hands, antsy fingers dancing along your hips. You considered the option heavily before finally caving: you were doing this to HELP him, as his friend. Just a little relief every so often when he absolutely needed it.

You came 9 times on his tongue the first time. It wasn't even that he was trying to make you cum, but the eagerness in the way he moved so fast, growling and moaning at the taste, his lips attached and never left your heat. His big nose just perfectly bumping your clit each time he pointed his tongue dove deep into your craving hole, curling up and hitting that soft spot inside you left you shaking and crying out his name, back arched and fingers clawing at his shoulders.

He was sated for almost 6 days (and you needed the ample recovery time because not even your fingers could make you cum so hard) before the craving hit again. Incessant knuckles pounded your doorstep. You had barely unlocked the door before he was shoving himself in and devouring your mouth with his. "I need another hit, carniño."

He didn't wait for a response, knocking you on your ass on the sofa and stripping your sweats and panties off before throwing one leg over his shoulder. Flattening his tongue, he licks a long strip along from your hole to your clit, obscenely guttural moans from the back of his throat filled your ears. He looked wild-eyed and crazy, as if starved for weeks and was finally given the sugar rush of the century.

You inevitably move in with him, claiming his spare bedroom, worried about how bad he gets when he goes anything longer than a few hours without you.

He makes you ride his face until you're suffocating him, and he still can't get enough. Your juices flood his mouth and nose and his eyes roll back as he loses air. You try to get off and apologies, but he's caged your thighs with his muscular arms, holding your pussy flat against his face as he devoured you more, ignoring your squirming pleas. He hums against your nub, the vibrations sending you into your own addictive high. You cum again, and again, and again, and soon you're tugging his hair, crying his name with fat tears down your cheek, leaning back and scratching at his chest to let off, but its useless. He's so lost in your cunt that you become light headed, barely holding on to the headboard as your lower body continues to spasm.

He only pulls off for a minute, squeezing his nostrils to force out your juices. He's so dazed, pupils blown wide, beard and mustache drenched in your slick, so pussy-drunk and in love that he wants to do it again. "Sweetest fucking cunt, I swear. Just wanna curl up and live inside here, querida."

You offer to suck him off but he gestures embarrassingly down, where you turn to see a dark splotch on the belt-line of his pants where the tip of his spent cock peaks out, dribbling little white drops onto his lower belly, having cum untouched just from eating you out.

It gets to the point where you lock yourself in the bathroom when you take a shower just to have 10 minutes of peace. Your pussy is so puffy, clit so swollen from his constant assault day and night that you have to calm down and remind yourself what good its doing for him. He hasn't touched the white powder in weeks.

He's wondered where you've gone when he sees the bathroom light illuminate under the door. He knocks a few times, then raps harsher with his fists, calling out your name. You tell him you just need a minute. The makeshift locks on the bathroom door of Frankie's apartment isn't designed to keep an ex militant out, and he just pushes it forward with enough force that it gives way and he let's himself in. You go to cover yourself when he pulls the shower curtains away, but the same needy expression on his face as he narrows in to the slit between your legs has you aching once again. It's Pavlovian, the way he stares, practically drooling, hands twitching by his side, sending signals to your cunt to start dripping for his appetite. He spins you around so your cheek is smothered against tile, ass out towards him, not caring about the water drenching his baseball cap, grey shirt and pants as he kneels on the shower floor and puts his face between your legs. He moans when his lips start sucking on your nub, tongue thrusting in and out of your hole. He keeps you in your spread position with his arms holding your waist, making their way to spread your ass for him to dive further in, knees between your heels. You reach one arm back, knocking his cap off as you card your fingers through his damp hair, gripping it when you cum and grind yourself back on his scruffy face.

He's otherwise so gentle, so soft spoken, but when he gets between your legs, something primal takes over and you can hardly recognize him.

Sometime in the evening while you were watching a movie, you see his knee bouncing next to you. You has snapped at him earlier and refused his hunger when he peppered kisses all over your neck, down your back, then tried to yank your pants down while you were cooking dinner for the two of you, nearly burning your arm on the stove from such force.

You hated that you had outright refused him for the first time, but the truthfully the swollenness between your legs needed rest before he wrecked you again. He's biting his lip so hard, stealing glances at you before rubbing his hair and shifting his cap back on.

You instead take your top off, having gotten comfortable enough to go without a bra when it was just the two of you. Frankie is a bit shocked, only used to seeing you strip your pants first before anything else.

You crawl over to him before sitting in his lap, thighs spread over his. He swallows the lump in his throat, unable to take his eyes off of your tits right in front of him. His legs are still bouncing in agitation, the movement making your breasts jiggle right in front of him. He groans, licking his lips, breathing heavily.

"She needs a break, Fish," you said quietly, your soft and small hands seeking his big and callous ones, pulling them up over your waist before letting them settle on your cups.

He doesn't hesitate or ask further, head leaning forward and lips immediately latching on to your nipple. He moans, eyes closed as he sucks around the areola, tongue swirling your pebble as he kneads them in his hands.

You're trying so hard not to grind down on his cock, instead sitting upright on your knees so you're not fully resting your damp panty-covered crotch against the tent in his pants. The position is more head level with your tits, but he doesn't like that. He grips your hips to bring you flush against him, gasping out when you instinctually start rocking your hips steadily against his clothed length.

He noticed how heavily your chest is flexing, glaring up at you to see your brows furrowed, face tilted towards the ceiling trying not to cum on him. He cups his hands against your cheeks and brings you in for a sweet kiss, his lips slotting perfectly against yours as his hands return to palming your breasts. He presses his forehead against yours so your eyes meet, goosebumps wracking your whole body at the lust behind his eyes, and something more you couldn't place. "So good to me, querida. Perfect lips"—he gently pecks your lips—"perfect tits"—then a generous kiss to each of your breasts—"my perfect girl." You could smell the scent of your pussy on his lips, as if they'd be stained there now. Kissing your lips, your throat, collarbone, down the valley of your breasts, and erect nipples, and all the way back up again, was enough to keep his mouth busy and his craving subsided. And it worked almost as well, the two of you cumming sticky and wet against one another in your underwear with heavy sighs and sated eyes; you had calmed him down enough to get him to remove his clothes and put on a fresh pair of boxers before tucking him to his own bed with your favorite blanket.

As you tip toed into the bathroom to prep for a bath, you stared at your naked reflection: how swollen, and red your breasts were, covered in raised bite marks the shape of Frankie's jaws. Among your new scars are the faded scratches and bruises of Frankie's fingertips on your waist, stomach and lower back from how incessantly he devours you while his face is buried in your sopping pussy, like he had to sink his claws into you so you wouldn't slip away as he feasted. You look like you were attacked by a passionate lion.

His sweet nothings every time he stared into your eyes was what really turned you on. You tell yourself that it was just the withdrawal symptoms talking. That he was basically just high on a new drug.

-

To you, it must have looked like Frankie's craving were only getting worse with how increasingly frequent his lips found themselves attached to your body. In truth, his desire for coke steadily grew less, and it wasn't the replacement of the powder that he was seeking from you but rather the insaitability of finally having you that grew stronger.

The rest of boys noticed the effects you're having on Frankie too. They see it when he meets them for a drink every other Saturday, the way he anxiously taps his foot under the table, glancing around like he's unsure what to do, where to go, because he can't sit still. It's the signs of his cravings kicking back in, and they're all worried at first. But it's not until you up show later and slide into the booth next to him that they notice: Frankie casually drapes his arm around your shoulders like he always did—that part was normal. But what was new is how they could visibly see Frankie's heart rate slow, the way he slumped against the bench and completely calmed down from just your presence.

They also couldn't help but notice the way his eyes raked you with a mix of lust, love, and obsession, his dark gaze never once leaving the sight of you the entire night. All the while you laughed and chatted with them about your week, oblivious to the change in demeanor of your friend from just a few months ago.

You assured the boys that you two weren't fucking—and it was true, you hadn't slept with him once. albeit a few blow jobs, it was exclusively just Frankie eating you out or kissing. You were very hopeful that his cravings were going to go away soon since its the longest he's been off coke. You were even talking to your old landlord to see if your old apartment a few blocks away still had openings since you'd be moving out of Frankie's place soon. Santi couldn't help but see Frankie's dejection, his arm sliding away from you as he excused himself to get more beer.

By the end of the night, Frankie was drunk out of his mind. Will suggested he slow down so he wouldn't pass out before he could walk home. It sounded like a good plan, until Francisco glanced over to the bar and saw you sitting there and smiling at a guy who was flirting with you. Fish took a giant gulp of his beer, downing the entire jug before slamming it on the table and striding out of the booth towards you. He overheard the guy asking if you had a ride home tonight.

"She comes home with me. Every. Night," he slurred, his sweaty palm skimming possessively over your jean-clad thigh and snaking between your legs, face coming so close to you that your noses slide against each other. Frankie's eyes bore into yours with so much desire, it bordered on range. You knew those were his craving eyes. The pungent smell of alcohol on his breath made you flinch as he tried to pull you in for a kiss. You quickly tell the confused guy that he's your roommate and you need to get him home immediately. You could barely finish excusing yourself from the stranger before Frankie was dragging you out of the bar. You managed to wave to the others, making a drinking gesture and pointing to Frankie before being yanked into the street.

He was stumbling all over the place, breath uneven as you hoisted him up to lean against you, eventually making it through his apartment entrance and turning the key to unlock his unit.

With a renewed sense of urgency, Frankie slammed the door close behind him and pinned you up against it, his hands roaming your body as his mouth desperately sought yours. "Craving," he mumbled against your open lips. "Need"—tongue forcing its way into your mouth, he nipped at your lower lip, sucking on it before releasing with a pop— "need you," he panted.

"I know, I know—Jesus Fish. I'm—gonna help—gonna take care of you—" you breathed, ashamed of how quickly you could feel your panties dampen. It never bothered him though, and only encouraged his sweet tooth more. You weren't nearly as drunk as him, but your few margaritas made you extremely susceptible, even welcoming, to his touch.

You hummed into his shoulder when his hard bulge rubbed purposefully against your covered core. He bit your earlobe as he fisted your low-neck shirt before pulling it down roughly, the fabric tearing away. You gasped, ready to scold him but he pressed his mouth on you again, teeth clashing, his hands slotting down your body to pinch, grope, scratch at any bit of skin he could get.

"So—so good t'me. Always taking—such good care of me, cariño."

His fingers dip into your ass and hoist you up so he's carrying you, your arms and legs wrapped securely around him as he boldered through his apartment, kicking his door open before tossing you on the bed, watching you bounce. You never break eye contact as you unbutton your jeans at the same time Frankie pulls his shirt over his head, tossing it aside to unfasten his belt and zipper.

Clambering over you to reseal your lips, you breath in his scent, hands exploring his tone arms, down his chest and muscle middle all the way to the little pooch of tummy hanging. His hands gripped your jeans and pulled them along with you down the length of the bed, bringing you to the edge, his grip pushing up on the back of your thighs so your knees are digging against your rib cage, pulsing pussy exposed at his mercy. "I fuckin' love this pussy, querida," he growled before burying his face between you folds for the thounsandth time. "So fuckin' wet for me," he mumbled against your thigh, nipping at the skin.

He ate you out with precision, eyes hungry watching you, determined to make you fall apart quickly. He wasn't doing it for his own taste, but the sheer satisfaction of watching you writhe for him, knowing your body inside out as the only one who could get you like this. He's languidly thrusting two fingers in and out. You didn't even need to be stretched: he'd practically been prepping you for months now. You're crying out into the air as you cum, hips bucking against his nose with your heels digging into his shoulder blades. Frankie pulls away, kissing your stomach and up your tits before making you taste yourself on his lips.

The feeling of his cock nudging your entrance make your once dazed eyes go wide and alert. He pauses, suddenly worried. He can't read your expression, time dragging out too long and it scares the fuck out of him that he's taking it too far, that you didn't agree to this.

He had wanted to tell you everything right then: how he dreams of you riding him, or when he fists his cock in the shower when you're at work to the thought of what your tight walls would feel like wrapped around him when first violates you, how he automatically gets aroused now when he just sees you or smells your laundry, or admitting how many times he's actually cum in his pants without you noticing when he is buried between your legs, dying to have you cum around his cock instead of his tongue.

It's not until you sense his hesitation that you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him close, sharing the same breath of air, nodding as your calves hook over his ass and squeeze his hips, the tip of his flush cock slipping in to your wet heat.

You both sigh heavily into each other's mouth when he takes charge again and thrusts fully inside you. He scrunches his eyes closed, forehead dipping down to your breast bone to revel in the overwhelming feeling of the tight space inside you.

You warmly caress his hair to bring him back up to you, kissing him and whispering, lips trembling, "Don't—don't think about it. Just... just use me."

His heart sank: You probably just thought this was another hit for him.

He didn't want to think about the fact that you were everything he'd needed in that moment, the image of perfection beneath him beautifully laid out for his eyes, his touch, but not for his soul. He gritted his teeth, pulling out then slamming back in, jolting your whole body up the mattress. It was fast, rough, and not at all how he wanted your first time to be with him, but he couldn't control his urges. He was gasping loudly as he fucked you, your cunt gushing around his member, the obscene sound of slick and skin slapping skin echoing in his otherwise empty apartment.

He brought his thumb to rub messy circles on your clit, sending you into a spasm of praises and expletives, but the most satisfying sound was his name repeated over and over again.

He barely manages to pull out before jerking his cock only twice and creaming all over your folds and clit. Groaning in post orgasmic bliss, he watches you heaving and shaking, filthy pussy covered in his seed. Half of his mind is only working now as he slides back down to lap you clean with his mouth, his own saltiness filling his throat, fingers scissoring inside to get your juices flowing, obsessed with the sight in front of him: your back arched off the bed, heels digging into his lower back as his hands pinning your hips down flat so he can work his mouth over you. And then you're cumming again, so angelic on his tongue, your sweet moans going right to his dick, hardening once again as he ruts into the mattress. He nips your clit and sucks, reluctant to pull away as he lines up and splits you open. You scream out, and if it weren't for the way your barely-recovered battered walls kept sucking him back in, he'd be worried you're in pain. His hands hook under your lower back, lifting you off the bed as he plows into your squelching cunt over and over again.

Youre both covered in a thin layer of sweat, the pillows and comforter of his bed strewn haphazardly around the floor as he dominates you. The headboard slammed recklessly agains the wall, and neither of you cared about your neighbors trying to sleep at 1 in the morning. He ignores the oversensitivity of his cock and your clit, forcing you both into an unexpected climb of another orgasm like it was a primal need.

It was happening without warning; he should be asking for permission, but he knew you took the pill, and he's been dying to release inside you from the moment you first let him put his lips on you. You're cumming on his cock again, hips bucking and grinding against him without your clit being touched, and he was done for.

With a harsh cry, he climaxes again, his length flooding your womb with ribbons of white. His arm shoots in front of him, flat on the bed next to your ear to hold himself up so he didn't crash down on you as his hips jerked, pushing his seed deeper in to you.

He rested most of his weight on top of you, labored breaths combined into one. He kisses the top of your nose, whispering "thank you," unsticking your sweaty bodies as he rolls you two over to have you lying on top, your head next to his. He pats your hair over your ear, pebbling your forehead and eyelids in kisses. His cock twitched in your spent heat, cum leaking out and dripping down to his balls and on the bed.

"Glad I—could...help..." you mumbled, eyes already closed as you drifted into sleep.

His softening dick slipped from your pussy, warm hands wiping you with his shirt before settling you gently on a pillow. He watched the gentle rise and fall of your breaths, naked and fast alseep on his bed. He pulled his sheets higher to your shoulder, his heart beating faster at the way you snuggled further into his pillow.

Frankie stared at the ceiling for hours, hand on his forehead in anguish, wondering how the fuck he was supposed to tell you it wasn't cocaine he was craving last night.

- - - -

Part 2: Crash

Series masterlist

[erideights]

Little pieces here and there (3)

Pairing: Buggy x Fem!Reader (One Piece Live Action)

Chapters: one, two, four, five

Word Count: around 2K again.

Warnings: minimum context of the arlong park part of the story (background), MUTUAL FLIRTING, forbiden pinning of them both, Buggy has his body back *wiggling eyebrows*, sexy times

A/N: devil works hard but i'm working harder, every 5 free min i have from work/class/practices i'm writing on my phone, i'ts actually insane and i love it (ROAD TO CHAPTER 4?? If you like this one and want the next one, please let me know!)

Oh, he was mad. He was really mad.

Maybe "sexually frustrated" was a way more accurate term given the circumstances but the feeling was so strong, so visceral, he was sure he was reaching a point where jumping to the sea to end that agony -even if a bit exaggerated, like him always, everywhere and for everything- was justified.

Somewhere in Arlong Park, Buggy could feel the boner pressing his pants, demanding to be satisfied; dirty talk was one of his true passions and when (Y/N) played that card on him, being capable of picturing himself with her on his lap, that damn woman so -actually- close to his face in that moment he was already tasting her lips, her low, smooth voice driving him insane, he could not help it, but get turned on so easily and so strong is been hours, and he's still mad, incapable of stop thinking about that.

That is, perhaps, the reason he feels relief as soon as the sun rises and Usopp is back on the helm again, asking for directions as Buggy, in fact, demands to go faster. Like instead of slicing and dicing his body, his power could control the wind that propelled the boat or the force of the waves against the hull.

(Y/N) ran away just after such a -even if brief- conversation. She may have broken his balls with that dirty trick, but she was equally a victim of her own game. She knew what to say to push Buggy and leave him so stunned -to speak- that the poor clown didn't have the chance to fight back at that moment, not without his body to help him keep her in that kitchen, lift her up on the counter, force her to back down, regret even thinking she could do that to him, and then, only then, yes, fuck her until she wakes up the rest of her little and - according to him - pathetic crew with her moans.

Or so the girl imagined, leaning against the door of her room, eyes closed, heart slightly racing, fighting the temptation to lie down on the bed and masturbate thinking about what had just happened.

Which included him. Him!! What the hell, was she actually losing her mind? All that damn flirting had really gotten into her, for fucks sake, because regardless of her finding him quite interesting when they met, this attraction was something else.

Lately everything around her was something else. Did she really think through the decision of leaving her mercenary life behind and follow those kids to the Grand Line? Did she really think through the decision of flirting back with a psychopath clown?

Because in the end it's just that, right? Flirting. Was nothing else, is nothing else, and will be nothing else. She doesn’t want it to be something more, that's for sure; there's no need for unnecessary complications and extra headaches. In the meantime, it's fun, a bit of a backfire kind of situation, a bit -sexually- frustrating, but fun.

After a good ol' resting night and already some hours into the new day, (Y/N) notices that it's been a lot, since their encounter in the kitchen to be precise, that Buggy not only doesn't flirt with her, but doesn't talk that much or even look at her as amazed as before. Of course, he is, also, way less annoying, which Zoro subtly points out clearly pleased with how calm, nice and silent this morning is.

At some point she shakes her head, knowing, or at least guessing, the reason for this behavior, so she decides to check no one's around and the rudder is locked in the right direction, and then goes to where the bag with his head is, closed probably by the sniper when he got the last indications he needed from him. She opens it, lowering it until the clown's head is free on top of that barrel.

"How are you doing, Bugs?" she starts with a funny little smile, looking intently at him as she leans her back forward to leave her face level with his. "It's been hours I don't hear your raspy voice, I'm starting to miss it."

Silence. Absolute indifference besides the sidelong glance he gives her because let's face it, Buggy is annoyingly proud, extremely, exaggeratedly, but he loves attention. He likes nothing more than receiving it, no matter where, when, and from who, and she could see it as soon as they met.

"Also your silly nicknames for me" She grants, giving in. She would also be mad as hell if someone leaves her as horny as she knew she left him, so she doesn't have any problem being the one to start the tug-war this time.

"Already tired of the shidiots?" He finally asks, almost drily, after a minute; now he is the one to play difficult, huh? "No wonder, they don't even know where to start being pirates."

"Oh, of course, because no one compares to the famous Buggy The Clown, the colorful nightmare or the East Blue." Playful, she retreats a bit, resting her hip in the barrel, arms crossed over her chest.

"Quit the sarcasm doll, you know I'm right." Well, he was, in fact, right. None of them had real experience in the whole i-wanna-become-a-pirate thing, still, they were doing pretty good to be newbies. She was quite proud of them.

"I cannot wait to have my body back" he then murmurs, adding before she could say anything else about her new friends. "To do what?" She asks, you know, like she didn't know.

"Take a guess"

"Recover your spotlight? Find a new crew and a way to enter the Grand Line to go search the One Piece and be the king of the pirates?" (Y/N) mocks, clearly enjoying being the annoying one this time.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah'' Buggy rolls his eyes, scoffing. ''All that, but not before making you regret what you did last night." To that accusation she gasps, resting her right hand over her chest "What did I do last night?"

The clown falls silent again, but his mood is completely different. Right now he's not pissed off, it's obvious that this time, instead of flirting with her in a casual and natural way, he’s thinking what to say, choosing carefully his words to return a fraction of the effect she had on him hours ago.

His eyes darken, and his voice goes octaves lower and raspier. "Sweetheart, there will be no possible escape from what I plan to do with you. At the slightest opportunity I will make you cum on me so many times you will be the one to find the One Piece without needing to go to the Grand Line, but first…'' He pauses, breathes, and lets it go calmly, like the intimidating, psychopathic calculator she saw at the circus and not that flirty cartoonish version she got to know on the ship. ''you will beg for it."

She knows she shouldn't surrender to this type of tease, but she also can't and doesn't want to avoid it. Getting heavily carried away, without thinking about it twice, one of the girl's hands slides to the back of his neck, slipping under the bandana, and tugs his hair aggressively as she leans in again to speak close to his face. He grunts in pure satisfaction, closing his eyes for a second. Of course (Y/N) is, once again, taking advantage of the fact that he cannot defend himself no being more than a head, and the fact is that he enjoys like a condemned bastard those small but intense gestures the girl has given him since they met at the circus.

He can't wait to break a woman like her. And oh, he will.

"Are you sure about that?" Hearing distant steps, someone from the crew coming out on deck and climbing the stairs, she gets some distance from him, acting naturally, closing the bag again around his head. "My expectations just skyrocketed, I hope you don't disappoint."

By the end of the day, the Konomi Islands begin to appear on the horizon, and as soon as they set foot on them, shits get really serious. The situation of the poor people who live there is heartbreaking, so for two days, no one dares to make a single joke, Luffy's usual energy and bubbly positivity is nowhere to be seen, and of course, the interactions of (Y/N) and Buggy are reduced to = 0. The clown's head is no longer of any real use to them, and it’s poor Sanji, the new recruit, who’s carrying it around just in case.

At least until they reach Arlong Park.

Again, (Y/N) is not exactly the type of mercenary expert in martial arts and although she knows how to defend herself, fighting like Zoro or Sanji is, in few words, impossible. Her only advantage is being very, very fast, and knowing how to use the scenery to her advantage, so it doesn't take long for her to hide here and there among the different tents and attractions in the area to get rid of the most straggler fishmen, with a knife she got long ago during one of her jobs, capable of cutting their tough skin easily.

Everything happens so fast and is so chaotic that apart from some screams and blows in the background and having seen Usopp running towards the forest, (Y/N) is completely unaware of what is happening in the main complex.

A strong pull on her left arm activates her flight or fight response as one last fish falls dead to the ground in front of her. Raising the knife, in a quick movement, she tries to defend herself by aiming at the stranger's neck, although in vain; a pair of lips whose red has already been worn for days impact against hers, stealing her breath, a small moan escaping her. Eyes wide open, she barely registers the blurry color of Buggy's nose when two strong hands squeeze her hips as if the life of the clown depended on it, pushing the girl against the wall of the building behind them, cornering her without any type of delicacy.

She hadn't heard from him since they reached the island. Hell, she didn't even know he had got his full body back and was already so close to it that air was unable to pass between each other.

Of course, the moment the clown's head joined the rest of himself -the feeling much better than he remembered- he fucked off his captors and decided to flee. Not before making a vital stop along the way.

The ideas about how to proceed with her once he was whole were very, very different in his wild fantasies, but when he saw the girl's back, he knew that the only thing that would -partially- calm his yearning would be to kiss her before disappearing as fast as possible. To taste her lips, to feel her warmth.

Still not recovered from the shock of the kiss, Y/N doesn't remove the knife from the clown's neck, but he couldn't care less; quite the opposite. He is so turned on and waited so much -again, exaggerated- for this he doesn't know yet how he will be able to break the kiss, take distance from her, and run away.

Passionately carried away, moved by his most primitive instincts, Buggy sneaks one of his legs between hers, pressing in between them as Y/N inhales through her nose and her free hand flies to his vest, pulling it a little.

It wasn't the time, nor the place, to think about fucking that asshole, but damn, after all the teasing and the tension and the adrenaline of the fight--

And just when she starts fully giving in to him, he retreats just enough, panting a bit, and looks at her now red, stained lips, eyes darkened and full of lust. Just like hers.

"Hate to leave you like this sweetheart but I have things to do and places to go. I don't want people relating me to Arlong, I would hate the bad press on my persona." He whispers, cracking his usual cruel, playful smirk when he finally puts some distance between each other.

‘’It's time to exit stage left.’’ Buggy adds, theatrically raising both hands in the air. ‘’I promise I’ll see you around.’’

And like this, he stars running away again. Where? She doesn't know, or even guess at this moment, too busy registering the kiss in her memory, the way his lips felt on hers, how his nose pressed her cheek the entire time, or his hands grabbed onto her for dear life.

Bastard.

''You better'', she whispers to herself.

[kitashousewife]

lifeguard!atsumu who picked up this gig as a side thing, something to help out his mom's friend who needed help at the public pool.

and boy is he loving it.

he sits in the sun all day and has developed quite the golden brown tan, and his hair has lightened more if possible. he's got free access to the pool at all times, free trips to the snack bar, and endless fun. he's everyone's favorite lifeguard. from the ladies in the water aerobics class that he teaches twice a week, to the little kids in the toddler pool, to kids at the diving boards, he earns excited smiles everywhere he goes.

atsumu thinks that if volleyball didn't work out, he would have been perfectly fine doing this. today he sits at his post near the shallow end of the pool, relaxed and content with his ray-bans sliding down his nose as chlorine fills the air.

and the best part? you're on shift today too.

you began lifeguarding shortly after atsumu agreed to help, meaning the two of you spent a lot of time together during training exercises and certifications. he's loved every second.

his favorite part? driving you absolutely nuts.

the concrete under your feet is almost too much to handle as you pad toward your station for the next fifteen minutes. your fingers pull at the straps of your red lifeguard suit, rubbing the last bit of sunscreen in. the sharp blow of a whistle grabs your attention and you stop in your tracks.

"woah!" you stop dead in your tracks when the voice of none other than miya atsumu carries across the blue water. "no runnin', sweetheart." he smirks at you over his sunglasses, lazily spinning the whistle around his finger. you roll your eyes and continue on, trying to ignore your very pesky, but incredibly handsome coworker.

as you climb up to your spot, you can't help but look at him. sweet smile on his lips while he speaks to a little girl in the pool, hair curling slightly from the water he must have dipped in earlier. his strong arms and abs even more defined from the hours of the sun he's gotten.

while he is annoying, he's quite nice to look at.

the time goes quickly, being entertained at the various jumps at the diving boards. if it wasn't for atsumu's voice, you wouldn't have known it was time to switch.

as he saunters over to you, he's greeting the moms, kids, and babies that are in his path. everyone smiles at him while he passes by, but when he gets to your chair he's met with a rather unamused face.

"yer savior is here," he sighs, sliding his water bottle into the now vacant cup next to the seat. "oh c'mon, nothin'?"

the quip you had ready to go dies on your heavy tongue as you finally face him.

he looks up at you as you shade him from the sun and you take in the little details on his face. his eyes, almost glowing gold from the sun. his cheeks are dusted with freckles, and a couple flecks of white from the sunscreen he failed to rub in a few seconds earlier.

"be careful with this group," you nod your head towards the boys clambering over to the diving boards. "they've been pushing it."

"i'll be fine," he waves you off, watching you as you climb down. "yer just too hard on 'em."

"because it's my job, atsumu. not all of us spend our shift messing around."

just as he rolls his eyes, a boy jumps off the diving board, breaking several pool rules. the two of you blow your whistles when he emerges from the water.

"no jumping backward!"

"awesome jump! 8/10!"

the two of you look at each other, you with annoyance tugging at your furrowed brows, and atsumu with a wide smile, tongue in cheek as he shakes his head at you.

"just as i was sayin'," he pokes your cheek before climbing up to his spot. "yer no fun. now run along, i'm sure the toddler pool is more yer pace, angel."

you bite your tongue, huffing as you shove the red lifeguard floatie into his abdomen before you walk away. atsumu can't help but laugh as you leave, satisfied with his efforts of riling you up.

the rest of the day flies by for both of you, and even with atsumu's incessant teasing and lackadaisical approach to lifeguarding, you're able to make it through your shift with only a couple pet names and attempted pranks.

once the pool gates are shut for the day, you and your fellow lifeguards work on getting everything closed up and ready to go for tomorrow. unfortunately, you got stuck with the harder jobs, keeping you longer than you hoped. just as you push the supply closet shut, a certain blonde appears from behind it.

"easy day today?"

"the sun has set miya, you don't need those stupid sunglasses anymore,"

he slides them up to the top of his head, feathering his hair slightly at the same time. "what? ya don't think i look cool in 'em?"

you sigh and pull a t-shirt over your suit and gather your things.

"no, i'm not one of your water aerobic ladies. are you done so i can turn the lights off?"

he snorts, reaching to snatch your key out of your fingers. "i'll be done when ya apologize,"

"apologize for what?" you're trying to hold back a smile as you finish packing up your things. "for you looking like a dork?"

atsumu gasps in fake hurt, clutching a crumpled MSBY tee to his chest. "yer so mean to me,"

you laugh for real now at the pout on his lips, staring a little longer as he puts his shirt on.

"i think you'll be okay," you flick off the lights and begin walking to the parking lot. "have a good night, miya."

"drive safe," he grins and walks towards the parking lot, but realizes that he grabbed your keys instead of his on the way out. he jogs ahead, the sandals on his feet slapping the warm pavement as he catches up to you.

"first ya insult my glasses, then ya steal my keys? didn't think ya would be so hurtful," he teases with stupid smirk on his lips.

"here you are," you walk towards him, dangling his keyring above your head. he reaches to grab it, but you pull it away at the last second. an innocent prank has now pulled the two of you close, torsos touching. atsumu's lips part, heart racing at just how close the two of you are under the flickering parking lot light.

he tries so hard to think of something smart to say, but his brain turns to mush as he stares at your lips. you pull away first, catching your own breath as atsumu laughs nervously.

"s-sorry 'bout that," he manages to stutter out, unlocking his car as quick as he can. you're shocked at his flustered state. who knew the atsumu miya would get worked up over a little prank?

"no worries," you turn to walk away, but can't help but smile at the chance to finally get in the last word for once.

"atsumu, be sure to wear more sunscreen tomorrow. your cheeks are a little pink!"

you wave at him as you get into your car, and he groans from the driver's seat, embarrassed at both his reaction and the fact that he couldn't get himself to kiss you when he had the chance.

[ickie]

♡ evergreen \ ln4.

pairing: lando norris x reader summary: lando is a cheater, and has to deal with the consequences of his actions. \ 500+ words. warnings: mild language, nothing bad. not a happy ending, sad fic??? notes: very reminiscent of how me n my boyfriend broke up but we're not gonna talk about that ! feel free to leave any feedback here, and my requests are open !

"you're an asshole."

the words came out before you could stop them, arms crossed over your chest as you stared the brit down. you had seen the picutres, hell you had seen the videos of lando driving some girl around in his mclaren. it wasn't like he tried to be inconspicous about what he was doing... they had gone out in the middle of the day in the broad daylight. there was no hiding even attempted on their part, at least not this time.

"it's not what it looked like, babe... i promise." he stepped forward, a hand coming to reach for your arm. you jerked away, jaw clenching as you shook your head. "it was exactly what it looked like! do i look stupid? do you think i don't see what the fuck goes on? i'm not oblivious. you have people that watch your every fucking move..." you choked on your words as you tried to fight back the knot that had formed in the back of your throat.

"who is she?" you asked the question that had littered your thoughts for the past two hours that lando had been gone, the same question that had been put in the comments of the pictures, of the videos, of the threads that you had seen on twitter... his pictures with this girl were everywhere and it seemed the only person who didn't know was lando himself.

"she's just a friend!" you couldn't help but laugh at the excuse, your mouth opened in disbelief. "if you can't believe me when i say this, you clearly don't fucking trust me. i'm your boyfriend. we've been together for ages. but if me hanging out with another girl is what takes this over the line then so fucking be it." it was almost as if lando didn't even care about the hurt that he had put you through, seemingly only mad that he had been caught.

"i- we're done." you shook your head, lips pursing as you ran a hand down your face. "you're a piece of shit human, and i hope you know that everyone seems to know that except for you. i deserve better, hell, that girl deserves better." you swallowed harshly, lips pursed together.

"you don't mean that," you had only assumed that the gravity of what lando had done had become crushing down on him in those moments, his demeanor had switched from one of annoyance to one of hurt. you shook your head once again.

"i do mean it lando. i can't keep fucking doing this. you don't deserve me. and i sure as hell don't deserve to keep living with whatever the fuck we are. we are done, lando. you can't win me back this time." tears had been streaming down your face as you walked towards the front door of his place. still not having quite processed what had happened between you and the man you had once considered the love of your life as you left.

all you knew was that in that moment you felt numb. you couldn't be mad, you couldn't be sad, all you knew was that you were going to have to get used to a new norm - a life without lando in it.

[a-fluffy-dog24]

HEY tumblr I need your help

So I have a fanfic that I need someone to read and tell me what you think. Feedback and suggestions are welcome.

Here is the description:It's Christmas time at the mystery shack lots of holiday fluff.Christmas shenanigans include snowball fights,cookie decorating,Christmas morning headaches, and fire breathing reindeer.Mabel and Ford Bonding together. Soos has a special surprise for Stan.

A Christmas Story

Dec/23/2012

It was a snowy day in Gravity Falls when Dipper,Mabel and Waddles arrived. The boys were taking a break from their boating adventure, they bent out at sea for 4 months but they were going to spend Christmas in the falls. Dipper and Mabel their mom and dad were driving them to the shack so the kids can fun.And so their parents can have so couple time to themselves."Dipper I am SO excited we get to see Grunkle Stan, Grunkle Ford,Soos and Wendy,Melody for Christmas"She excited yelled.

" I can't wait to see everybody too,"he added "and after we get back we get to celebrate Christmas with you guys "she told her parents "yea that we be fun"Catherine replied . "It's was fun celebrating Hanukkah with you dad.Maybe I'll get really good at the dreidel and get all the chocolate coins " she said "I can't help that I'm an expert" Dipper smiled joked she  stuck her tongue out at him he smiled. "You kids have fun with Grunkle Stan don't eat to many cookies" Michael said

"And Grunkle Ford" Mabel reminds him "oh right side hello to both them for me"he added remembering that now their are two of them and Stanley is not dead and StanFord has been gone for 30 years. That was a surprising and awkward FaceTime call for him and Catherine . It took two hours for Stan to explain himself and for the parents to process it all.But now they know he had to take his brothers place they now get to know the real StanFord Pines better.

"We will see you soon the day after Christmas stay safe love you" she told them. "Aww you too mom" Mabel added "You bet bye mom" Dipper said.The twins and Waddles were getting out of the car they are waiting for Wendy to meet them at the bus stop. They waved goodbye to their mom and dad they .Then Wendy arrived "hey guys how was your trip up here"she asked "very snowy and long" Mabel answered they all went down the snowy road to the shack,Waddles sniffs the snow then eats the snow.

The shack was all decorated with red,green,blue Christmas lights. They walked inside Soos had decorated the living room with a Christmas tree. On the tree were red, yellow ornaments. And some ornaments Soos and the kids had made when they were little.

And multicolored lights and A yellow star on top, also there were abuela's creepy old santa doll's everywhere and red,white garland hanging on the doorways.The kids hug Stan he is wearing a red beanie and a white shirt and brown coat and blue pants he also is wearing mittens "hi Grunkle Stan we miss you" Mabel said.

But Stan didn't say anything just smiled "wait a minute you look different you're hair is curlier"Dipper notices they look up at Ford.He is wearing a red sweater a blue coat and black pants.He looks a little bit nervous. "Grunkle Ford why is hair so straight" Mabel asked. He says.

"Because I'm Grunkle Stan" . They look at what they think is Stan's hand but now it has 6 fingers "ohhh" they both realize. "Well hi Grunkle Ford you were able to trick us we had no Idea ?" Mabel told him " do you two do this all the time to strangers"Dipper question

"No, not intentionally  but it's funny to watch  I'm glad you kids could make it."Ford hugs them more. "My dear did you get your braces off" he says seeing her pretty straight teeth. "Yup I got them off before we started school I can finally eat gum  worry  free"she told them.Then he lets them go they hug Stan "Kids I'm so happy you're here" Stan hugs the twins and lifts them off the ground.

"Grunkle Stan I'v miss you" Mabel said and was wearing a green sweater that looks like a christmas tree with little lights on it and santa hat. Dipper was wearing Wendy's hat vest, red long sleeve shirt blue, pants "me too" Dipper cheered Stan put them down. "Are we celebrating Hanukkah this year?" he asked her since she likes to celebrate both and makes them celebrate too.

Stan and Ford aren't really religious any more they were when they were kids . But now they do it for the kids sake and it's fun. "No Dipper and I already celebrating Hanukkah we mom and dad  back home." Mabel takes her stuff upstairs Waddles follows her with reindeer ears on.They had a snowball fight. With Wendy and her brothers they beat them. then they warmed up with hot cocoa.

Later Ford visited Fiddleford’s house they had a great time together talking reminiscing about the first holiday they spent together when Fiddleford save the children from monster. And drank eggnog fun times.They gave each other gifts. At the shack Melody made gingerbread cookies ,Mabel decorated hers with pink sprinkles that look like glitter and Dipper ate the gingerbread man's head off. "Why'd you kill him" she asked her brother "because he's delicious" he replied "what if we made our family as gingerbread cookie people " Mabel suggested. "I don't think we have enough cookies I would have to make some more" Melody told them. "If Mabel doesn't eat all of them" Dipper teased her

Mabel trying to stuff her cookies in her chubby cheeks and lick the sugar off her lips. "Hey someone has to taste test them" she defends herself Soos was just finished�� putting the last touches  of candy and frosting on his gingerbread house. "Hey dude can you give me a cookie" Dipper gives him a cookie "babe come over here I need your help decorating this house is a lot harder than it looks." "How can I help" Melody asked "look up at the ceiling....how that get there" Melody looks at the mistletoe duck tape to the ceiling she smiles.They kiss .

In the living room their stockings on the wall pink for Mabel, blue for Dipper, red for Stan, green for Ford, yellow for Soos and orange for Wendy. Wendy was outside fixing the snowman she put Dipper's old hat on the snowman she will come back for it later. Dipper watches her "hey Wendy before you go I need you to give this to someone" he has her a purple gift."Nice snowman by the way" "thanks who's this for" she asked "umm Pacifica" he blush a little bit "I mean you were going..in to town and I thought you could just drop it off Umm please" he fished saying . "Ok sure marry Christmas bye"she smiled and left "bye see you tomorrow" he waved goodbye.

Dec/24 Christmas Eve night

They walked outside because Mabel said she saw a reindeer she said "hey guys look I told you I saw a reindeer if he had a red nose we could name him Rudolph" the reindeer had red eyes but other than that he was pretty cute . She run inside to get him a treat " I've never seen a reindeer in the falls before" Ford mentioned. Mabel through a carrot on the ground for him. He eat it "Aww I'm going to name you fireball" she looks at him eating the snack.

Then the reindeer opened his mouth to yawn and instead of air coming out it breathed fire. Then ran off they were a little shocked at a fire breathing reindeer "I should be unimpressed at this point " Dipper says "Well that's what weird" Stan adds well opening the door.They had Christmas dinner turkey and some pie.

After dinner the kids go and wash up Mabel took a bubble bath and after Dipper took a shower. Then they all sat on the couch and watched a movie together. They watch A Charlie Brown Christmas Mabel sit on Stan's lap. She is wearing red pjs that says Happy Hanukkah . She smells like peppermint and he wraps a warm blanket around her. "Grunkle Stan, are you excited for tomorrow?" she wondered "Yeah, are you excited for presents" he asked "yes I'm excited too give you yours". Dipper sat on Ford's lap. Dipper is wearing green pjs that says Mary Christmas . He smells like pine trees.Dipper starts to shiver a little "are you cold my boy" Ford asked "yes" Ford tickles his belly he giggles "this is not what I meant " Waddles sit on the floor he has reindeer ears on.

Twas the night before christmas and the boys were putting the twins to bed, the kid sat on the floor and looked out the window. It's snowing.''It's so beautiful "she told him "yes it's perfect for tomorrow it's something we don't see a lot "Dipper added. "Yup California has never gotten snow in less we live in the mountains, anyway what is the whole point of Christmas.Is it to spend time with your family. Get good gifts, have fun. Or to celebrate baby Jesus birthday and the good things he’s done for us” she said. “I think the meaning  of Christmas can be whatever you believe it to. I believe that it’s all of those things.you understand more than you realize” Dipper tells her “I love you" she whispered "I love you too" he replied then Ford picked up Mabel and tucked her into bed Waddles lay on her bed.

"Grunkle Ford did you put out the milk and cookies?"she asked "yes my dear come on time bed" she fell asleep. And Stan tucked Dipper into bed, "she is going to wake us up so early tomorrow" Stan said "yep it will be a lot of fun" Stan rubs Dipper's head and he falls asleep too. Stan walked over to Mabel and kiss her on the head Ford walked over to Dipper and kiss his head.The boys turn off the lights,close the door and walk in the hallway Stan hums jingle bells.

"Stanley, can you stop humming that all day?" Ford teased, "no I put up with you talking in your sleep and it stuck in my head". "Anyway let's go hit the showers, you should go first because your bubble baths are so long,"Ford complained ."Fine I'll just use all the hot water" Stan teased Ford, smiled and shook his head. I hope the kids Christmas morning will be as great as ours 8 nights where” Stan said. “yeah I hope they don’t get a cinder block as a present are holidays weren’t as spectacular as I recall .” “Oh I don’t think it was that bad all though that huge sweeter mom use to make us where itch a lot.But I remember she would let us light the candles on the Mamala and she even gave us little gifts.” Stan reminds him he thinks back at his childhood and the fun times they shared. Ford recalled celebrating Hanukkah with his mother.And doing their traditions it was enjoyable for them.They went and washed up after they went to bed.You can see the snow falling out the window.

Dec/25/2012

It's christmas MOURNING "DIPPER DIPPER wake up" she excitedly bounced on his bed. "ok let go"he ripped his blanket off and they ran down the stairs Waddles ran from behind them. They wake up their Grunkles and plan to drag them out of bed ,

They go and burst open the door to Ford's old room, "GRUNKLE STAN wake up" she excitedly yelled. She crawled on his bed and sat on his back "it's christmas" Dipper pulled his arm. "I'm awake I'm awake go wake up sixer" he gets his glasses and they walk over to Ford's couch. "GRUNKLE FORD wakes up" she pulls his arm, Dipper takes off his blanket "ok ok I'm coming" he gets his glasses they walk into the kitchen.

Then they see Soos and Melody drinking coffee, and in the living room. All of the stockings are full, and they see the colorful presents, pretty bows with name tags on them under the tree.

"Alright open your stocking fist" Stan suggested "so we can wake up" Ford murmured half asleep as he held his coffee everyone come over and sit down. The kid gets their stocking and passes everybody else out.Soos puts on some Christmas music, they dump out their stoking over and they get candy.Stan hands Mabel a red box she takes the bow off and puts it on her head. He smiles at her she rips off the paper and opens it inside. There was green and yellow yarn "wow it's so beautiful and soft thank you" "I got something for you too" she excitedly crawls under the tree and retrieves Stan's present. And hands it to him he opens it and it's a camera and a painting that she put gutter,paint,macaroni on it."Now you guys can take pictures of your trip" "oh thanks pumpkin I love the painting" he hugs her she smiles.

Dipper hands Ford his present, he opens it, it's a new red notebook and the Dungeon Dungeon and more Dungeon rulebook "oh thank you I've needed a new journal. "When you guys come back can we play together please? '' Dipper asked. "Of course we can, I have a gift for you too' Ford gives Dipper his present and he rips off the green paper. It's a mystery novel and a D and D and more D dice "thank you Grunkle Ford I love this series". He put the dice in his pocket and began excitedly reading the first book.

"Stanley here " Ford hand him red box he open it and it's a photo book with pictures of the two, of them through the years.Stan tearful thought about their 30 years apart "Oh poindexter thank ".But he thought about how much better their relationship is he give Ford a present he opens, it and its binoculars and jelly beans 'thank you Stanley' they hug each other.

"Grunkle Stan here I got this for you" Dipper handed him a brown box he opened it and it's a pink,purple,blue tie "Aww thank you Goober, that yellow box there it's yours" Stan told him. Dipper crawls under the tree and gets his present; he rips the yellow paper off the box. And its pens,candy "cool thanks Grunkle Stan" Stan rub Dipper's head.

"Grunkle Ford I got you something too" she crawls under the tree, and hands him a bag he opens it. "Aww did you make this" he holds a pale green sweater with a golden 6 fingered hand on it. "You like it" "I love it" he put it on she sat in his lap " look like santa left something for you my dear". He gave her a red box. She opened it and its cookies and a sketchbook ."Thank you' she ate one of the cookies and she hugged him.

"Dipper I got you something here' Mabel hands her brother his gift he got another blue journal "oh thank you I just finished my old one here yours ' she opened it .And she got stickers and colored pencils.  she hugged him. She couldn't wait to start drawing and began coloring in her sketchbook with her new colored pencils and stickers.Dipper wrote down his first entry and sketches of the reindeer they saw.Soos gave Stan a tiny box. He opened it and it's a tiny blue onesie.

That said Hi grandpa on it"I don't think I can't wear this wait ....You're ... going to be a dad......I'm a grandpa". His eyes felt a little wet. He thought how happy he was that he had a son and that he will have a grandson.Melody is 4 months pregnant Soos hugged him "are you ready dad". "Yep I am," he wiped the tears away "I think.. when is she due ' 'In may we think Melody beaned.

After Stan made them breakfast Wendy came over from her house.They all talk and laughed together , Dipper and Mabel enjoy their new presents Dipper reading in his new book and Mabel started knitting with her new green and yellow yan. "You know what my favorite part of Christmas is" she asked" What presents, going to church,the endless meals of food ?" he replied "no being with all of you" she smiled "Aww me too" he agreed. And ended the best Christmas ever.

[amloveabledeathmo]

Doctors need to actually listen.

I am really fucking sick of dealing with medical professionals around here. At the beginning of the year I was referred to a rheumatologist to try to figure out the cause of the chronic pain, it has taken at least 3 years of telling my primary about the constant pain to even get the damn referral.

The Rheumatologist gave me a huge list of like 14 different blood tests to get done at a lab, my veins are difficult so I like to go to the same lab because they have been far and away the best at causing the least amount of bruising and pain, so I always ask if I can get blood work done at my preferred lab. They said yeah gave me the paper with the lab orders.

I went that week and got it all done. 2 months later they call a few hours before my appointment time to ask if I ever got the blood work done. It's good they called because the appointment was for telehealth which they absolutely did not inform me it was going to be a telehealth and not in person. Anyway they claimed to have not received any results, call the lab, yes the lab sent them to the office months ago when I got the tests done. Turns out, according to the rheumatologist, the codes must have been wrong because they didn't get any results for the tests they needed and that was the whole appointment. They said they'd fix the codes and I could drive over an hour one way to pick them up or they could email them. So I confirmed my email, waited a few days, nothing, texted them since that's what they always want, nothing, called, nothing, retexted, nothing. So I've been ghosted by the dr apparently.

Had a primary dr appointment and got referred to a pain clinic. Got an appointment immediately basically, probably should have made me more suspicious. Had a 30 minute phone call to do all the stupid intake questions and what not before the appt. Get there and what the fuck do I have to try to fill out? The same DAMN questions! They kept asking for my pain on the pain scale, and would not let me say the pain scale is much to arbitrary and impossible to actually answer.

They then asked where the pain was, which I already had said was everywhere. NO they insisted Where's the MOST pain and just so you know we specialize in joints so which joint is the worst. There is not a consistent most pain, it depends on how I've been moving, what's popped painfully the most recent, so I said I guess shoulders, wrists, and ankles. Oh no still wrong, I had to choose ONE, one single joint. So I said the previously broken ankle. They finally moved on from joints just to question if I've had a sleep study and do I stop breathing at night. No I cannot deal with stuff touching my face. So they harped on about sleep studies for a while.

They asked if I had any diagnosis for the pain which I had already told the intake person all about the rheumatologist bullshit and had to retell them who then said oh well let us know when they give you a diagnosis because that will change the way we treat the pain. Then proceeded to tell me that most pain is caused because people need physical therapy, need to exercise, and need to cut out any animal products in their diet.

This was after I said that I have gotten less and less active because of the pain. I am in pain at all times. I can't even sleep through the night because there is not a completely pain free position for me, I have to rotisserie all night. I said I swim some but this year even swimming hurts. THIS MOTHERFUCKER then goes on and on about how swimming CANNOT hurt because there is no pressure on the joints and I need to go to a swim physical therapy because of course I'm in pain since I'm not exercising.

Which I don't do because I can't even go shopping anymore! I told them this. That just going shopping and walking around for like an hour can make me basically unable to move the next day because of so much pain. Well that doesn't matter because if I would just cut out all animal products and exercise I would be better. We also discussed how I am basically resistant to pain meds and just most meds in general too. Oh but don't worry I'll send in a prescription for some inflammation meds at the lowest possible dose and it might help you sleep too!

Oh he also said he saw that I was a patient of the dr who did my hysterectomy and that he had prescribed pain meds to help me. NO YOU GODDAMN MORON! HE PRESCRIBED THE PAIN MEDS BECAUSE I HAD A VERY PAINFUL SURGERY!

THEY JUST DO NOT LISTEN AND I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF IT!

[waratah-moon]

24 with Joey where you used to date before he got famous?

24. My mum asked about you again. You and I are on the same wave length anon. This is my first Joe piece! and i broke my own heart writing it. 🎂 bday prompts list 🎂 masterlist / send me a message Warning: Big time angst, HEA as always (no broken hearts on this blog)

You didn't think you'd see him here. He hadn't shown up to the last few parties your friends had thrown, so you thought it would be a safe bet that he wouldn't be at this one either.

The two of you had ended on okay terms, mutually agreeing to breaking things off before he'd started the press tour. It had been hard enough being long distance while he was filming in the states, and you weren't prepared for him to be gone for even longer. He'd tried to compromise, asked you to come with him, but you couldn't leave your life behind for him.

It had been difficult seeing him everywhere since then; you couldn't go on the internet without seeing his face and the love you still had for him hadn't lessened in the months you'd been apart. Seeing him tonight for the first time since he'd collected his things from your apartment was absolutely heart wrenching.

"I can tell him to go," your friend followed your eyes across the room to where he was chatting with a small group.

"No, that's not fair. These are his friends too," you sighed, downing the rest of your drink in hopes that the alcohol would numb the stabbing feeling in your chest. You weren't suppose to feel this way. You'd been the one to suggest the split after all, so why did seeing him make you regret it?

He caught your eye, subtle pain passing over his features as he quickly looked back to the girl he was talking to. Okay, so he wanted to play it that way. If he could ignore you, you'd ignore him right back.

You didn't see him for the next hour, and resigned yourself to enjoy the company of your friends and the free alcohol. As the night was almost coming to an end, you stepped out into the empty courtyard for a breather.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be here tonight," he was hidden in an alcove outside, cigarette hanging off his lips.

"Unfortunately I am, sorry 'bout that."

"No, I was hoping you'd be here. Jordan said you usually come to Claire's parties so I thought there'd be a good chance you'd show up."

"Well you found me," you watched the smoke curl upwards from the lit end of his cigarette.

"How've you been? You look good."

"I've been alright. Not as good as you it seems."

"I've been absolutely miserable," he took a drag, his hand shaking slightly. "I hear congratulations are in order, for the promotion. I know how hard you were working for it."

You kicked the edge of a loose paving stone, "oh, thank you. How'd you know?"

His head fell back against the brick wall. "Mum asked about you again, so I asked Claire how you were doing and she told me about it. Mum says congratulations too, by the way."

"Tell her thank you."

You were both silent, the only sounds coming from the cars driving past and the soft thumping of the music playing inside the house. "I never should have let you go so easily. There's not a day that goes by that I don't regret fighting for you."

You sighed, "it wasn't working. You know that."

"We didn't try hard enough. I didn't try hard enough."

Tears stung in your eyes and you instinctively went to rub them, completely forgetting about the hour you had spent perfecting your smokey eye. "You did try, though. We both did. Do you know how much it hurt being away from you while you were filming? It was agony. I couldn't go through that again."

"It was torture for me too. But at least back then there was something to look forward to at the end of it. I eventually got to come home to you. Now it's just," he huffed, throwing his hand up in attempt to grasp the words. "It's like walking through one of those stupid mirror mazes with no way out. There's no light at the end of the tunnel."

"Been thinking about metaphors a lot, huh?" Your laugh was emotionless, as mascara tears stained your cheeks.

His frown was heartbreaking. "Baby."

The pet name went straight to your stomach. "Don't."

"Please," he pleaded. "Just tell me I'm not the only one suffering here. If you tell me you've over me then I'll go. I'll try to move on."

"I-" you started but the words wouldn't form. Your heart couldn't lie to him. "I still love you. I tried not to, I tried so hard, but I can't stop loving you."

"Can we just go back to how things were?"

"But it didn't work-"

"We can make it work. We can facetime every day, and I'll try to stay in London as much as I can and-"

"Slow down," you placed your hand on his forearm and he stilled under your touch. "If we're going to try this again, we need to talk about it. Can we get breakfast tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah. Alright." He dropped the cigarette, crushing the butt with his shoe. "Uh, can I ask you for a favour?"

"Depends, what is it?"

"Can I kiss you?"

You caved, answering his question by cupping the back of his neck and bringing his lips to your own.

[dollsonmain]

Manager was trying to give me instructions for Christmas day today and I was like, you're going to have to remind me closer to then because that's like 5 days from now.

Today was a very Monday Friday in a different way than yesterday was a very Monday Thursday.

I got to the store and it was closed. I'd seen two cars pull in then drive off while I was approaching the store and thought "Uh oh...." and sure enough no one was there. There was VERY loud music coming from inside.

Called Manager and she had JUST woken up, and that sucks because it's pepperoni roll day.

She got there not long after I did, so at least I didn't have to stand outside in the cold for long.

Then I walked in and saw a huge puddle of hand soap all around the sink. Almost a full circle around it. That took half an hour to clean up. Who knew an entire bottle of soap would be so difficult to clean up. Me. I knew.

There was also a mess everywhere so I was simultaneously closing and opening the store.

Deli took a while because of Inconvenient Customer Timing. It was NON STOP all day.

She was like "When I'm done doing rolls you do deli then do pricing." and I was like ok but it took so long to do deli that I didn't even get to pricing. I was about to start on it and she was like "Fold these cleaning cloths and put them in the box." ok. Then a vendor came in and yelled across the store at me to get my attention, which none of them do that. None. I was like wtf... He didn't know where to put stuff or that he didn't get a check right then or anything, then trapped me in the cooler instead of letting me get past him before he started stacking things, but thankfully he didn't take long at all, just dumped one dolly of stuff and left.

All in all I priced ONE bag of chips, then another vendor came in and I had to check him in, then it was time to go.

We're doing free hot dogs at lunch time on Christmas day. I have to prep 20 dogs around 9:30 or 10 but first I have to remember to get the buns out of the freezer when I get there at 7, which doesn't just mean throwing them on the roller and turning it on, it means bunning and bagging them and everything so they're ready to grab, then as soon as those are bagged start another 20.

I honestly hope no one comes in and I get to putz around and clean stuff instead. I don't know why she bought so many hot dogs... Any that aren't taken go in the trash at the end of the day. Though she has more experience with how many people come in on Christmas day than I do.

[fangbangerghoul]

Since Friday I have been nonstop deep cleaning. It was started due to the fact that I had a Graduation BBQ scheduled for Saturday. The celebration was for the associate's degree in psych I received back in the fall. I am now at another university working towards my Bachelor's in polysci prelaw It has been a lot on me. So, I am putting down everything I have done the past 4 days so I can see the actual amount of labor I have put in and get some things off my chest. I will put it all under a cut because I know occasionally coming across long posts can be irritating.

Friday:

deep cleaned the living room

organized my kiddo's toy by size and function

moved smaller toys and less used toys upstairs

rearranged the living room

so, my room was then a mess, and this took me several hours (8am-3pm)

Saturday:

had to finish the living room and also tackle the kitchen

dusted the living room

swept and mopped the floors and walls

had to organize a semesters worth of paper from kiddos school along with loose bills and other papers that have piled up

cleaned all the counters

cleaned the accumulation of dishes

had party

had to clean up after the party but thankfully I did not have to cook

Sunday:

had to fix my room, it was driving me insane that things were everywhere

separated kiddos toys even further

organized toys into proper placements

rearranged my own items on desk, near bed

tried to fix my bed more (sheets, make sure nothing was piled around it)

this was the easiest day because I was beyond sore from the previous two days

Monday:

I had to finally do the clothes

tore out all of the clothes from the closest

separated them from my own and kiddos

separated them from summer and winter

hung up all my clothes within my closest

organized all of kiddo's clothes into two small dressers

tore out the remaining items out of the closet

rearranged organization and put things in keep and throw away piles

vacuum the carpet and gather all the loose paper and garage

put everything back in the closet

ive done this from 1030a - 430pm

This probably wouldn't have been so bad if I was able to do a little bit of this over time. However, I live with my intermediate family (There are 4 adults including me and my child) and they never deep clean. This past semester I had to dedicate all of the free time I had (so time where I didn't have to be in mom mode) to schoolwork. Which did pay off because I ended both classes with an A+ and a B+ and my GPA is 3.65 but the house had a special layer of yuck.

So, cleaning dust, cleaning walls, moving things to sweep under, organizing cabinets, etc. They just don't do it. That means it always falls on me because I am the only one who seems to see these things and think hmm that really needs to be done. The most they do is dishes, take garbage, occasionally a bathroom. I wouldn't mind doing the brunt of the housework if in exchange I was compensated for the extra amount of work I do. Because I also am the main one that cooks, prepares meals, and keeps inventory of the house. (I also do not work but even when I did, I still had to do these things. And I am not going to stand here and mother the house when 1. I have my own child to mother 2. they have all been on this earth long enough to know these things and 3. I don't have it in me to provide that extra emotional labor)

Doing all of these tasks have wrecked me, the spoons are gone, my body aches all over and the fatigue has doubled over. BUT the majority of what needs to be done is finished and I am hoping I can keep up with the organization now that kiddo and I do not have rigid schedules due to school. Sad part is I am not sure if I have the energy to do the things that bring me joy to recoup.

Also, if I never had gotten to the downstairs shared spaces, I would have never been able to tackle my own space. It is always a shitty balance of I either focus on my own area or I help the household.

Don't get me wrong I am well aware of the privilege I have to live with family to complete my degrees while I raise my child. But my entire life with my family I have had to choose between financial security or my mental and emotional wellbeing. I always pay more than what is received.

[rainingmbappe]

i have this book about chaos written by james gleick since the 10th grade and i've read it so many times. i've scribbled so many things inside, highlighted so many things in pink and yellow that if anyone else picked it up they would think that i am crazy. it's practically an extension of my being. i've carried it with me everywhere, from bus rides to morocco, i read it on the beach with me while my family was swimming (im allergic to sea water). before falling asleep i just think about the fact that the universe is constantly expanding, how we're all just specks of nothing hurtling through space. motionless on my bed but somehow i'm traveling thousands of millions of kilometres, heading to nowhere (probably). i cried a few times gazing at the moon, thinking how lucky neil armstrong was to set foot on it. i saw a moon rock in a museum in London, i couldn't hold back the tears as my mom pretended she didn't know me. i never understood why people weren't as fascinated with the universe. why the stars didn't raise dreams within them. the moon didn't make them wonder, how could they not be amazed by the very sun that warms their skin? it's all so perfect, all so precisely calculated, so meticulously orchestrated. i'm amazed by the way tiny creatures carry the most complex phenotype. how everything stays in place, how everything makes sense. there is some people that never wondered and never will. dull mind, not thinking once about the possibilities. the things we might discover while i'll be gone, it terrifies me because i might never know. when i go for a drive with my parents and i sit in the backseat, i close my eyes and bask in the warmth of the sun filtering through my eyelids. it's like being wrapped in a blanket of red shades, the warmth feels so comforting. it smells like the sun. i don't know if you've ever smelt it, it's just like when you wash a piece of clothe and you let it dry in the sun. it smells like warmth, it smells like love. i love you and i didn't forget about you <3

I woke up at 5 and rolled up my blinds letting in the sun. I made myself coffee and checked my phone briefly before I started studying when I opened tumblr. I had a bunch of notes and I quickly scrolled through them almost missing this. But then I started reading it.

I've missed this so much. I read it and I reread it all while tears were going down my face. And then I kept my phone down and cried some more. I understand you and you understand me in ways that I'll never be able to replicate.

I understand and feel every single word of this. You best believe my next read is gonna be that. "Its practically an extension of my being" I'm gonna cry again. The way you share my wonder and awe makes me feel so seen, my soul feels recognized and satisfied.

I was talking to my physics sir about how I cannot comprehend how the universe doesn't stir some people. Or the majority of people. They don't obsessively want to leave their whole life behind in pursuit of the endless expanses of knowledge. When I am in my roof for hours, looking up and my neck aches and begs me to look down for even a second, i feel like I'm floating like a feather, free and truly careless. Figuring out the beautiful constellations, crying over seeing the pattern so vividly on the beautiful moon, watching the sun dip beneath the horizon and visit you and the other for a few hours. Those moments are an extension of my being. I remember, a few months ago, it was freezing and I was lost in thought looking up and the moon had a different glow to it. It was almost gold, shining like the brightest jewel in our universe, and involuntary tears escaped me. I understand you. I know what you mean and it makes me weak to think that someone out there understands me too.

I often cry over my inability to do maths and having to leave the subject behind. I'll never be able to study what my heart lies in. But then immediately after, I'm reminded of the wonders that lie within. The wonders that I get to study. I agree with you. Why aren't people fascinated by all this? Why aren't they silently going mad with want and desire to explore, understand, learn? The way everything just makes sense. I feel like our feeble human mind isn't even capable of comprehending the wonders that the universe beholds but the want and desire to even try fills up my days.

When I look up at the morning sky, the first rays of the day beaming across my tiny sliver of the sky, that feels like love to me. When I bid my goodbye to the sun, watching it dip, that's love. When I see orion or castor and pollux, the twin stars, thats love.

You already know this but that's the Pale blue dot by Carl Sagan for me. I've never had my body tingle with excitement to have the privilege to read such a peice of work in my lifetime. I found him in an age so crucial, his shadow forms me in fundamental levels.

I see your fascination, your terror and your love for all of it like a mirror.

[bopinion]

2024 / 31

Aperçu of the week

"The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas - fascism, communism, the atomic bomb."

(Patrick Jake "P. J." O'Rourke, US satirist, writer and co-founder of Gonzo journalism. These days mark the 79th anniversary of the atomic bombs dropped on Japan)

Bad News of the Week

In Southport, England, not far from Liverpool, a 17-year-old drives to a dance school in the afternoon, pulls out a knife and kills three people. They were little girls aged 6, 7 and 9 who were taking part in a vacation course to dance to Taylor Swift songs. And suddenly a nightmare began, which eyewitnesses describe as a horror movie in which a dozen bleeding, injured children try to save themselves from a monster. Three children didn't make it, eight others and two adults are in hospital.

This is a shocking act. And it hurts. But the reaction of some of the British people hurts just as much. Because while upstanding citizens sympathize and help - a good example is the free cab rides to the hospital for relatives of injured children - the scum from the right-wing fringe of society are using this event to spin their own agenda. And that is (of course) xenophobia. Reminder: it was the UK whose then Conservative government wanted to deport asylum seekers to Rwanda in a dubious deal that was even ychallenged by its own Supreme Court.

It all started with fake news doing the rounds on social media that it was an immigrant who had just arrived on the island. "Influencer" Andrew Tate called he came "straight off the boat". And was even cited by "politician" Nigel Farage. Add to that an allegedly Arabic name and the fuse was lit. Just one day after the deadly attack, a mob raged in the small town. A mosque was attacked, stones thrown, cars set on fire and 22 police officers injured. "No surrender!" and "English till I die!" was shouted.

It didn't help that officials made it clear that the perpetrator was not an asylum seeker, but was born in Cardiff, Wales. And that he had neither Arab origins nor an Arabic name. As I said, the fuse was lit. And in the days that followed, it began to burn everywhere. As if the Ku Klux Klan were riding through the country and setting fires everywhere. In London alone, 100 rioters were arrested. I find it shocking that these racist assholes are dancing on the grave of dead children to the sound of their cheap prejudices. Shame on you.

Good News of the Week

Tough times for pacifists. As a teenager in Europe in the 1980s, I know the Cold War all too well. Since the fall of the Iron Curtain, the continent, which had been marked by wars for centuries, seemed to have a rosy future ahead of it: Peace. The eastward expansion of the EU seemed to be proof of this. NATO's eastward expansion, on the other hand, proved to be a double-edged sword. It was perceived by Russia, or rather by the despot Vladimir Putin, who has been in power for 25 years, as an encroachment. In the mind of the former KGB officer, who sees the collapse of the Soviet Union as the most tragic moment in history, Ukraine's turn to the West ultimately had to be seen as crossing a red line. Don't poke the bear.

Russia's attack on Ukraine almost two and a half years ago shattered the last illusion of fragile geostrategic stability. The word of the hour became "turning point". And we Germans in particular, who in fact owe our reunification to Kremlin leader Mikhail Gorbachev and had therefore clung almost desperately and half-blindly to the hope of Russia, were abruptly torn from our dreams of a better world. As long as there is talking, there is no shooting - this rule no longer applies. And a hard wedge needs a hard block.

In addition to the military and political issues with which we are now confronted (special funds for upgrading our military, increasing operational readiness, integrating new NATO partners, relocating troop units to the eastern borders, permanently stabilizing defence spending at 2% of gross domestic product, etc.), it is above all the emotional aspects that are making us swallow. Fear is back. It is therefore all the more pleasing that pretty much all democrats (yes, that excludes the AfD / Alternative for Germany) are slowly coming to an understanding that there is a new reality that cannot be ignored. Two examples from the last few days:

The USA wants to station long-range weapons in Germany. For an old-school deterrent. And the Greens, who were founded as explicit pacifists and took to the streets against Ronald Reagan's Pershing missiles in the 1980s, accept this as a simple necessity. As Foreign Minister Annalena Baerbock writes in a guest article in the Bild newspaper (of all places): "The principle of hope will not protect us from Putin's Russia. (...) What protects us now is that we invest in our own security and strength - in the EU, in NATO and in Germany." This also includes the decision to station extensive American weapons systems in Germany from 2026, as she sees no hope of an early peace solution through negotiations, as Putin responds to every peace initiative with escalation.

Thuringia's Prime Minister Bodo Ramelow, on the other hand, is from Die Linke (The Left), traditionally the most Russia-friendly party. In principle, he calls for a non-aggression pact between Europe and Russia, saying that Europe must finally be thought of as a whole, and Russia is part of that. However, he conceded that such a step is not currently conceivable. "Of course, this is not possible with a dictatorship, an oppressive apparatus, and Putin is also not a representative of freedom and peace." And assured that he was not against NATO, but for a reorganization of European defence under its umbrella. So democrats stand together. And show strength when necessary.

Personal happy moment of the week

My wife is a big fan of Italy. And she has always wanted to go to Lago di Garda. At the weekend, she had the chance to spend two days with a friend who was visiting her husband and son there on a camping vacation. And she enjoyed it. In every respect. Bella Italia. Her great joy was my greatest joy.

I couldn't care less...

...about "Hindus only". This is the motto under which Palestinians - for a long time an important workforce for many rather low-ranking and low-paid jobs - are no longer employed in Israel. The dirty work is now to be done by guest workers from India. Because no one with an Arabic-sounding name can be trusted anymore. I could puke.

It's fine with me...

...that the elephantine regular in the china store is once again demonstrating diplomatic sensitivity: Donald Trump has congratulated Vladimir Putin on the latest prisoner swap with the West: "I want to congratulate Vladimir Putin for once again making a great deal". Nice of him to show so honestly whose side he is on.

As I write this...

...I'm still unsure what to make of the current Earth overshoot day balance sheet. On the one hand, it's always a problem when this point is reached before new years eve. On the other hand, it's good that experts are seeing a positive trend. Or - to be honest - a slightly less negative one.

Post Scriptum

Jimmy Carter, the 39th US President from 1977 to 1981, will hopefully celebrate his 100th birthday about a month before the presidential elections. The Nobel Peace Prize winner, who has been receiving palliative care for some time, has now said, according to a newspaper report: "I'm trying to hang on to vote for Kamala Harris". This is fitting, as few have campaigned as emphatically for human rights, peace and democracy as Carter. Almost the antithesis of Putin's bosom buddy mentioned above.

[flowercrowncrip]

whats the worst encounter of ableism you've had, online or irl?

whats the funniest encounter of ableism you've had, online or irl?

whats something you see thats overhyped in regards to disability or cripplepunk?

do you have an ideal mobility aid or ideal disability aid in general?

feel free to skip any/all :)

cw: suicide, ableism,

1-The worst encounter of ableism I've experienced was from a psychiatric nurse my GP referred me to during a mental health crisis. I told the nurse that I was having thoughts about ending my life and he told me that he felt sorry for me because my physical disability meant my life would never be worth living. Obviously "you're doomed to feel this way forever" isn't a safe thing to say to someone trying to get help during a mental health crisis. If he could have done more to help me end my life I think he would have, and this is one of the reasons I'm so afraid of the risks around assisted suicide for disabled people.

I feel the need to add that several years on from that appointment I'm so happy that I'm alive. I've had 15 months of therapy and I'm on meds that work for me, I have the right support and equipment to manage my conditions, an extremely fulfilling job, and an amazing support network. My disability is worse than it was back then but I feel so much more content with my life.

2- The funniest example of ableism is more a story of ableism in the sense that no one had thought properly about disabled access. Only the result was that me and some other students accidentally broke into a nightclub.

I was at uni making a video with a group of disabled students for disability history month. We were filming in the student media centre which was on the first floor of a shared building. On the ground floor and basement there was a nightclub. All of the organisations shared a lift.

So we go up the lift while the nightclub is selling tickets during the day, but in the time it took for us to finish filming, the nightclub had closed and locked up. We didn't know this, so just took the lift back down when we wanted to leave. Immediately as we stepped out the lift, the burglar alarm went off.

It was the loudest thing I have ever heard in my life. It was so loud that it was totally impossible to think. All we could do was try to get away as quickly as we could so we went to the doors, which were obviously locked.

So we went back up in the lift away from the noise to figure out what to do next. We called the campus security and tried to explain what was happening but they didn't seem to get it. Eventually they told us that they were heading over our way anyway (because of the alarm) and would check in on us when they came.

When they arrived they were knocking on the lift door convinced that we were stuck in there. When we said we were stuck in the building, not the lift they didn't get it.

They looked at us, a group of disabled people including someone with a cane, someone using crutches and me, very obviously a wheelchair user, and told us if we couldn't take the lift we could "just take the stairs".

I had to awkwardly point out that wheelchairs don't go do down stairs at which point they became very embarrassed (which I won't lie was quite funny)

In the end we had to wait an hour or so for the owner of the nightclub to drive up to campus with the keys and alarm codes and it was all fine.

3- I think that the value of independence is overhyped everywhere, including in disabled spaces. I've seen a lot of disabled people state that they're somehow better than other disabled people who they view as less independent than them. Relying on mobility aids, medications, carers, family members benefits and other supports don't make you less strong, less deserving or less anything.

I really struggled with my own feelings around this when I was a teenager. I found it so hard to ask for help because I thought it made me a "bad disabled person", and seeing that insecurity reflected back at me from other disabled people online only reenforced it.

4- My ideal mobility aid would be a fully waterproof electric wheelchair. I'd love the sensation of rain or hail in my face without being stressed about my chair. Or be able to go to the beach along one of those mat things and into the sea.

[ghostwithflesh]

A little over a week ago, I spent a whole day making cookies to support the student encampment at CCNY. I've never been so proud to be an alumni from my school than to see these brave students letting the world know that Palestine needed to be free, to be safe, that innocent people shouldn't be subjugated to such cruel and violent oppression, and that genocide is fundamentally wrong.

I live in NYC and it's been a very crazy time here as far as I've seen. I say that because, unfortunately, I haven't spent as much time on the ground working to support these calls to action as much as I would have liked to. Most things I'm seeing from friends online (amazing) and on social media.

But this was my school participating in such a historical movement, and though I've not been stable or strong enough to face, well, the horrors - I still wanted to show my support. So I planned and spent a whole day making these cookies from a recipe that was very special to me, if anything just to boost morale. I also had some supplies that were on NYCDSA's list that I was going to bring along with me.

It's just crazy because here I am, running around for 8 hours making cookies, occasionally watching the escalation happen right on my feed. Police had filled the area. There were scenes of students pushing back the armored and shielded officers who were trying to force them off the campus. And in the moment I'm just thinking, "I need to make more cookies, I'm not sure if I'll have enough".

I finish late with a box full of cookies. I didn't keep count but there were well over 150 cookies in there. At least it was something, right? But I live far from the campus now, and it was practically night at that point. I ask my partner if they can drive me the next day.

Next day comes, and I message NYCDSA to ask how the encampment is doing, and if they still need supplies. They don't get back to me. And I see why, because it turns out that the police did end up clearing up the school. Fuck cops. They're violent upholders of our oppressive systems. The same oppressive systems who fund the mass murder of innocents.

Cut to, now I have this box full of cookies. There were other protests going on, I could send them there maybe. But ultimately, from what I'm seeing everywhere, there were just so many people, all around my city, all calling for a ceasefire in Gaza. People loudly, proudly, calling out our government and our institutions who fail to do the right thing, who use our dollars in ways far against our values.

I cried, because I definitely did not have enough cookies for all the wonderful people doing such a great thing. But also how beautiful because that just meant that there really were just that many wonderful people who cared so much about humanity and justice.

I felt really silly, and also really guilty, because now I had to take care of this box of cookies. I cried, again, and hoped that, idk, even though I couldn't show my support the way that I wanted, that somehow the energy of my intentions could at the very least be a good vibe to send.

I hoped that, well, if me and my loved ones had to enjoy these cookies, then please, universe, send the people something to smile about.

#PrayForGaza #FightForGaza

[bluestar1937]

So, came home from work today to my bedroom curtains, window, and door open. All were shut when I left early this morning.

I started panicking then mom and stepdad said they did it since its nice out and they wanted a cool breeze as they sat on the couch.

My room opens right into the living room.

Then they got annoyed with me. Questioning why I never open my window.

I told them I DO open it but only when I am home.

They told me I could open more often since they are home.

Which ?????? They are not always home. Mom works weird hours sometimes. They go out for shopping, meals or hang out with family/friends.

I never know when they are gonna be home or not. They got all huffy but stopped talking with me to focus on their show.

Thought it was all over. I wanted to discuss them entering my room, that I pay rent for, without my premission but didn't since it would do nothing but make them furious and no good would come of it.

But then! Eating dinner and they tell me they are furious with me for how messy my room is. And they will not stand for it. Demanded I reply and tell them I understand.

My room is a little messy i admit. I have my clean clothes in my clean clothes laundry basket waiting to be put away. I messy made my bed this morning because I was rushing to work. And I have a small store bag with papers and such that I am gonna toss.

I have a stack of old old paperwork on my desk I want to go through and toss the stuff I no longer need.

I have a pair of jeans and zip sweater laid over the back of my desk chair. I was gonna wear them but changed my mind but hadnt put them back in my closet yet.

And I have three plastic bins full of arts and crafts and sewing material stacked against one wall.

And yet my mom and step dad made it out that my room was disgusting and horrible.

I know and WANT to keep my room clean and organized but I work 6 days a week. 2 jobs. Drive my sister everywhere. I get tired and I try to set a goal of one two small things a day.

Like do laundry. Put laundry away. Organize desk. Organize nightstand. Pay a bill(s). Clean bathroom. Vaccuum. Ect.

I was so proud of getting myself to accomplish these little goals.

A lot of the time its one small goal achived but I did it! And it motivates me to try again tomorrow. And maybe get 2 done the next day!

But they are not happy and then my sister joined in and added fuel to the fire. It was horrible and I had to sit and listen as they tore into me. About how I only work a couple days a week for a few hours. And I so badly wanted to say, "Six days a week is a couple days? 7:30 am to 6-7 pm is a few hours? Picking my sister up, dropping her off, taking her shopping/to appointments at all hours of the day and night isnt enough? I am barely home and when I am, its mainly to eat, sleep and get ready to go back to work. But oh!! I have hours and hours of free time!"

But I cant.

I feel so horrible. They invaded my privecy and just ripped into me. Making me feel so small and scared.

Step dad mentioned kicking me out if I don't shape up.

Then they went on and on about how they keep their living space clean and clutter free.

They have two huge walk in closets. They have the largest room in the house. They also have full use of the large garage.

I have a small closet that is no way walk in and the smallest room in the house. I got yelled at for putting 2 coats in the hall closet. A closet that have a bunch of their coats.

And I they told me I could put 1 bin the garage but when I did. They threw a fit and made me put it back in my room.

I am so exhausted

[brumeraven]

🙇: Save Scumming || dolls, self-abandonment, RSD, self-harm?, too many hours spent deleting Discord messages

The rain thrummed heavily against the roof, and my eyes shuddered in time, a too-familiar emptiness leaking down from the tiny muscles in my face to hollow out a pit in my stomach. The magazine just wasn't cutting it anymore, styles so out of date as to be quirky and retro again.

Still, left to right my hands moved quixotically, pages turned in some attempt at wakefulness. Wouldn't have mattered; no one with half their wits would be out in the storm. Only the wind had kept my eyes open, rain driving against the front windows one moment and away the next.

The door slammed open with a crash as a particularly strong gust caught it, and cold damp slunk in off the streets, carrying on it a whiff of something unexpected, something Other...ozone? Damn latchkey probably overloaded again. This wind was too much for it.

Just as I began to stir from algidity, a soft chime assured me a customer had entered, and I papered over my face with a welcoming facade.

"Um, hiiiii!...?" Downright cheery. Trying too damn hard for a day like this. A head peeked inside, followed presently by the rest of her.

She was pretty, I guess, but the pretty that begged your eyes to pass by without notice. No great demands for attention, just deliberate concealment of flaws. Unremarkable but for the odd sweater, tucked up tightly beneath her chin, as if hiding every last inch of skin she could.

"Can I help you?"

She froze, wide-eyed, halfway to the counter, motionless a few painfully-long seconds before breaking the visual silence with an anxious rub at one slender arm.

Too slender. Fuck.

Quick as she pulled the sleeve down, I saw the crazed, bone-white skin beneath.

A fucking Boundless; just my luck.

"Please, feel free to look around! Let me know if you have questions!" The cheeriness was artificial. She wouldn't notice.

All the stiffness went out of her in a moment. That ozone...I wasn't awake enough to deal with this walking minefield.

"Oh, thanks... Um. Long day, heh?" She tittered nervously, face turned desperately, hungrily towards me, even as she purported to browse the racks.

It would be now, I wasn't careful, but that was the last thing I could say to her face. "Uh, yeah, something like that."

I pretended to divide my attention between the catalog and her, even as she flitted about the displays. Mustn't let the silence drag on too long... "Whole side over there is consignment, you know. Late last moon's styles. New enough to fit in but not so new as to be a statement."

"Oh! Uh, great. Heh, sorry for being difficult..." She danced off on silent toetips to peruse the section I'd pointed out, humming softly to herself. As long as she didn't realize it was the kid's section, I could still get through this...

She seemed occupied enough for the moment, and the sound of the hammering rain once more demanded my attention. The rivulets that were tracing odd patterns down the inside of the windows earned a scowl; damn humidity was so high I'd have to mop or there'd be mold everywhere.

"Nice weather, no? Always loved a storm; makes you feel nice and cozy, right?"

That too-cheerful voice yanked me back to the present, and I answered without thinking, my scowl turned on the girl who'd made her way back to the counter, "Can't stand it. Makes for too much work-"

Even as the words left my mouth, I realized my mistake, scrambling to reel then back in and stammering out a quick "but I totally get how you could think that" or something equally trite, all but leaping over the counter towards her, arms outstretched in placation.

Too late.

There was a delicateness, a tenderness to how she plunged the chisel into her own breast, the hint of a shared joke in her faint smile, illuminated azure by the Flux flash from her shattered core.

She toppled to the floor, cracking and hardening into Still porcelain.

...fuck.

The door slammed open with a crash as a particularly strong gust caught it, but the room couldn't have felt any more wet or cold than it already did. All the wind carried in was the thick, nose-pricking stench of ozone, the stench of a world in Flux.

Every small hair on my body stood on end, as if lightning had struck nearby, but no peal of thunder came, only the same soft chime as before.

"Um, hiiiii!...?" The same voice as before, still cheery. The same head peek, her eyes sliding over her own corpse without notice.

I still tried to smile as she sidled up to the counter, managing some sort of greeting through my grit teeth.

She blinked once, twice, then smiled broadly at me. "Awful weather, no? Always hated a storm; makes for too much work, right?"

~🙇