#but if i could feel how i do when i exist by myself with someone else

[rickyriddle]

So I have a theory regarding the Agatha What If…? episode. What if Agatha went to Hollywood? The episode doesn't really explain why she made that choice other than trying to get the Celestial’s powers. But I still wonder how she knew and why the regular Agatha didn't make that choice. And then I felt like the ending of the episode was a bit odd and maybe even ooc for her, to get convinced by Kingo like that. So I wondered: what makes this Agatha different from our Agatha?

They are similar, that's for sure. But the what if Agatha feels less… ruthless? Still self-serving and looking for more power, but a bit less murderous. Then it clicked. What if… Agatha never Rio? Now I know, we all love the idea of Celestial Agatha with Rio, both now cosmic beings but hear me out. First we don't know if Rio, as the comic entity of Death, has variants in the MCU. Tho ultimately, it doesn't really matter for this theory. Let's just imagine a scenario where these two didn't meet or never came to be a couple. What would have happened to Agatha?

Regardless of Rio, Agatha needed to steal powers from other witches in order to survive during the Salem years. She was already doing so before meeting Rio. But if she never met Rio, or never dated her, then it would also mean Agatha never had Nicholas. Never created the ballad. Never lost her son. Never started using this specific con based on the Witches Road to gain power as a way to cope with grief.

Now, how would that lead her to Hollywood? Well, main Agatha would have been too busy by first, running away from Rio, and secondly her road con. She'd be unlikely to look for another source of power when she got a successful con going on and unsuspecting witches falling into her lap all the time (as well as literal Death wrap around her finger).

But in a universe where she can't rely on that con or her cosmic wife, I think it's more likely that Agatha would look for power elsewhere, not just the magic she can steal from other witches. Hence why she ended up learning about the Celestial Tiamut and decided to go to Hollywood to hatch her plan to steal his powers.

That would also explain to me why this version of Agatha managed to be convinced by Kingo. Main Agatha would not have cared about what he said imo. But this Agatha isn't as bitter, hardened by the loss of her son and her complicated relationship with Rio. She might be more willing to bond with someone else who might share some of her experiences, possibly with loneliness and being different from their own kind. Agatha was always different from other witches due to her powers and never managed to connect with them, and she recognized that Kingo was also different from his own kind, the Eternals. So she knew he actually understood her and that might have led her to accept his proposition, and friendship.

But the main reason why I start thinking that Nicky didn't exist in that universe is that I cannot bring myself to believe Agatha wouldn't have tried to bring him back. With the powers of two Celestials, she could have rewritten the world like she wanted, yet chose not to and instead remained an actress. To me it feels like she didn't have something she wished to change about the world, which I don't think is conceivable if she lost Nicky in this universe too. There is also no mention or allusion to her dating Rio, so I do feel like these two were just not a thing in this universe and therefore, Nicky never came to exist.

Fundamentally, this is still Agatha, but she's not our Agatha we knew in WV and AAA. Same trauma with her mother and original coven, but different life experiences afterwards that could have led her to a drastically different path. I love agathario and imagining a world where they aren't a couple is hard, but I'm afraid that's what I feel like this episode was. Actually a “What if… Agatha never met Rio?’.

But hey, at least this episode confirmed she is indeed a lesbian, regardless if she's in a relationship with Rio or not.

[sarcasticgaypotato]

The Best Solution

On cold, clear nights that bathed the world in pale blue light, Chell turned her chin up and looked at the sky.

She was not afflicted with the condition known as ‘sentimentality,’ no matter how many scorch-marked, heart-adorned metal cubes got thrown her way and left behind in fields of wheat a hundred miles away. But the ravaged surface world offered her little (save for her own freedom) and the nights were as quiet and lonely as the days, just without an excuse to fill her time by finding something to busy herself with under the light of the sun.

So, she looked upward and let her mind wander.

Every streak of a shooting star she hoped was a certain circular heap of scrap metal finally burning up in the atmosphere.

“Let go! I’m still connected. I can pull myself in.”

Of course he could. If she had given him half a chance, he would’ve pulled himself back in just fine—and let her fly off into space without a second thought if it would save his own steel.

The cold vacuum of space. When she closed her eyes, Chell could still feel it in the wind that tickled the stray hairs on the back of her neck, in the cold that stole the breath from her lungs as she gasped it. That rush of weightlessness, her eyes watering and freezing her eyelashes together, and that pit in her stomach that said, after everything she had survived, this might be it.

She stared up at the moon; a pale white beauty, once near enough for Chell to reach out and touch, now as distant as ever. A sliver in the night sky, it grinned down at her with a smile that knew the taste of her fear. An untouchable queen who would have her head, if she had her way. Chell would have called it as familiar as it was deadly, if not for one thing that nagged at her mind as she stared, lost among stars and memories alike.

This was always the point in her late-night stargazing that Chell started scratching absentmindedly at her wrist, where the phantom burn of cold metal claws still seared into her skin.

Chell never fell for any of GLaDOS’s tricks; she knew her too well. That hate was familiar, expected. Working together in Old Aperture was a surprise only for a moment; it was logical if they wanted to survive. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, or “Everybody likes revenge,” as a certain someone had put it. 

She trusted GLaDOS’s intelligence enough to know that she would play nice for as long as they had a shared goal, and for as long as Chell held all the power. Don’t bite the hand that holds your consciousness trapped in a potato battery, or something like that.

Chell had even been fairly confident that after they beat Wheatley (she never had any doubt that they would), as long as she kept her guard up and an eye on her, GLaDOS wouldn’t risk betraying her. The world’s most intelligent lifeform had finally learned that Chell wasn’t worth crossing—it only took two losing battles for the lesson to sink in.

GLaDOS would keep her end of the bargain as long as it was convenient to do so. That was why Chell couldn’t make sense of what happened. No matter how many times she replayed those seconds in her head, watching her own memories in slow motion as GLaDOS knocked Wheatley free of the chassis and sent him spinning into space, robbing Chell of her only anchor to Earth. 

Freefall. 

Could you call it falling without gravity? Spinning, flailing, her body wrenched outward, seconds away from dying in space, embarrassingly outlived by the very same moron who was responsible for this whole mess. In the second that she had to process her impending death, Chell took a small hint of satisfaction in knowing that at least she took him down with her. Sure, the lack of air wouldn’t kill him as quickly as it would her, but he was far from a self-proclaimed king of Aperture out here. He was nothing but a hunk of junk destined to get knocked around by asteroids like a pinball. At least GLaDOS had a death worth bragging about under her non-existent belt; Chell had blown her to bits in what she would humbly call ‘a spectacular fashion.’

GLaDOS. Was her last thought before unconsciousness took her going to be about GLaDOS? How apt. GLaDOS would’ve loved to hear that, not that Chell would’ve ever told her, even if she had the chance.

She wouldn’t have the chance. She wasn’t supposed to.

When Chell felt that familiar metal claw clamp around her wrist, the first thought her fading consciousness could conjure was that GLaDOS wanted to be personally responsible for flinging her out into space, maybe so she could get a good spin on the throw. The realization that GLaDOS was pulling her in, back towards Earth, to safety, was one that proved entirely too much for her oxygen-deprived brain to process. So, she passed out.

GLaDOS could have done nothing at all, and Chell would have died. If she wanted the satisfaction of doing it herself, she could have crushed her under a metal plate or thrown her in the incinerator while she was unconscious. Instead, GLaDOS saved her life, watched over her recovery until she awoke, and then … let her go with only a bit of theatrics and nothing else. 

She pinned the blame on Caroline and made a big show of deleting her, neither of which Chell believed for a second. That golden eye took her in, unflinching, with the same inscrutable expression before and after the automated voice cheerfully announced Caroline’s removal. A long dead secretary Chell had never crossed paths with had nothing to do with this; there was no difference between the GLaDOS that pulled her from space and the GLaDOS who watched the elevator ascend to the surface now.  

This was all her, and she was supposed to give them both a satisfying conclusion to them parting ways with weapons lowered, standing (even if one of them didn’t have legs) on equal ground. GLaDOS was supposed to make this easy by sending her off with an insult or a half-hearted threat of one last murder attempt for old times’ sake.

“Killing you is hard.”

Liar. 

Killing me would have been easy if you wanted to.

Why didn’t you want to?

[omnium-gatherums]

"DID is most often hidden and unnoticeable" as in "MANY symptoms of DID, including the symptom of switching from one alter to another, are easily passed off as something else more 'normal' and not readily understood as switching from one alter to another" but you people seem to think that it means "alters don't really have differences actually and if you're allowing yourselves as different alters to know yourselves and express yourselves, you're lying/faking/wrongly self-diagnosed/glorifying DID/romanticizing DID-"

What part of dissociative IDENTITY disorder don't you understand?

You see someone with DID simply existing as themselves (alters existing as themselves) and see someone faking or roleplaying DID or wrongly self-diagnosing or "making DID their whole identity" when really it is literally no different from somebody expressing a side of themself to a friend that they otherwise feel scared to express. It is literally just self-expression.

Tea is an alter in my system who is extremely hyperactive, energetic, exciteable. She stands out. And one of the first times she was fronting in therapy, when I was noticing how different I was and how hyperactive I was, I felt embarrassed and switched immediately. And then many months later, the next time Tea was fronting, and me and our therapist realized it was her who was fronting, we didn't switch! We/she, felt safe and okay enough to behave the ways she does. I didn't switch in order to not behave in those "weird" ways, and I didn't try to suppress the ways I wanted to behave and just Be.

This is huge! It was a huge thing for us in that therapy session. And we've only been continuing our journey with finding ourselves, finding out who we are, and allowing myself to "be" "different."

Alters expressing themselves differently is merely allowing yourself the right to self-expression. It is allowing yourself to truly "be cringe." It is allowing yourself to know yourself. To know who you really are. It is an important and huge aspect of recovery with DID.

Alters are not Nothing, that is an entire aspect of this brain's identity that could not integrate into the rest of the brain's identity.

You people continue to see DID as "the actual person versus the alters that just influence that Real person" when it is more like "all of us are That Real Person. That Real Person is different alters sometimes" like people will say these things about DID being treated like an "identity quirk" just because you see an alter expressing themself when in reality what you are doing is not that different from someone making fun of some kid because they're pretending to be a cat.

You are seeing somebody with DID merely expressing an aspect of their identity, merely expressing themself, and that's bad to you because you continue to incorrectly view DID as "the actual, real person and their alters" when those alters ARE "the real person", just dissociated into its own box.

You continue to see "The actual person, the Host, who is actually a person, oh they can express themselves! :)" but it's suddenly bad when it's not what you think is "the host/the Real/Actual Person" because, again, you people are continuing to incorrectly view alters as these Side things that just pop up and they can't self-express or have their own names or have hobbies and interests or Tumblr side blogs and act like that's bad and it means someone is "roleplaying DID" or faking or "romanticizing" when it is LITERALLY, and I mean this SO literally. It is LITERALLY just expressing another side of yourself.

[crescentfool]

having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!

[fluentisonus]

.

[the-casbah-way]

i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry

[thequasarwinds]

Here let me share my perspective as a character analyst + analyst in general!! I don’t mean to sound rude btw 😭 I’m just VERY touchy when it comes to EPIC and even more so when it comes to AUs like this (generally just prefer crossovers that aren’t erasing any of the previous characters like this- I want to see the characters interact and form relationships not just see one character in the place of another but that’s PURELY just me- I’ve been writing crossover AUS for YEARS and it’s a genuine skill to create one successfully so I apologize for being a little touchy)

I honestly don’t think it works trying to equate much WOF characters to EPIC characters

like I mean Qibli and Ody makes SO MUCH sense- in a lot of ways Qibli has a lot of the same flaws as Ody at the start of his journey (namely: overly merciful).

Other than that there really isn’t much other characters to equate without both massively mischaracterizing a WOF character and bastardizing an EPIC character

I’d much rather see the characters simply be put in the same roles IN STORY and NOT narratively to see how DIFFERENT things would’ve gone

So it wouldn’t be

X character = Y character

instead more so

X character is the captain LIKE Y Character

This also allows some flexibility! So instead of ONLY having one character filling the role of another (even if it doesn’t fit to their personality) multiple can! Basically they’re going through the same things! But not DOING the same things! Now it’s a matter of trying to figure out which character would make similar choices! Or maybe not! If you want to see how differently things would’ve gone if Qibli appointed say…Turtle as second in command! Then do so!

Don’t forget about the characters and who they are! Who do you think Qibli would most reasonably appoint as second in command? Stuff like that! This also separates them from the characters originally filling the role! I personally felt like many of these really really didn’t fit

(P.S: I wouldn’t want to equate Calypso to ANY WOF character. Someone like Cal simply couldn’t exist in WOF as it is a kids book series. and it feels incredibly wrong to correlate her with anyone. You COULD just get rid of those bits or maybe just her entirely: to me personally that feels a bit distasteful- but I can imagine WHY you’d do that. I myself wouldn’t want to write that happening to teenagers.)

Okay, so I may have turned epic characters into wof dragons, but what if I put wof dragons into the EPIC universe? 🧐🧐🧐 (I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS AU WAY TOO MUCH)

Odysseus: Qibli

Eurylochus: Winter

Polites: Turtle

Athena: Thorn

Penelope: Moon

Telemachus: Sunny (trust I’m trying to make these fit 😭 Maybe they adopted her idk 😭)

Polyphemus: Burn ig?? Idk this is like one of the only characters I can’t think of a good wof character for 😭)

Aeolus: Fathom..? (Idk I also can’t think of a good character 😭)

Poseidon: Albatross

Circe: Jerboa

Hermes: Chameleon

Tiresias: Clearsight

The sirens: just like animus seawings I guess :p

Scylla: Orca

Zeus: Darkstalker

Antinous: Vulture

Calypso: Peril (maybe…? Idk)

Apollo: Glacier

Hephaestus: Ruby

Aphrodite: Coral

Ares: Moorhen

Hera: Glory

Charybdis: This might be a headcannon that I’m mistaking as canon but I think they talked about a kraken once so yeah :3 (okay it is canon 😇)

Feel free to do with this au whatever you want 😛😛😛

[mainfaggot]

the problem is that i have the temperament of a caged animal, but i also have no end goal lol haha isnt that funny. everyone start pointing and laughing already

[arsenicflame]

i do think being unconditionally loved is an experience that can be so so healing actually. it cant ever fix anything alone but to feel loved and valued and considered is something that makes carrying burdens just that little bit easier. to trust that youre someone they think about when youre not around, because they tell you. to feel like youre someone important to them because they tell you. to feel safe in knowing youre not being too intense, too annoying, too much, because everything you offer is offered right back without a seconds hesitation. this isnt something i ever thought id get to have, but i found it when i wasnt even looking. and no, it still isnt easy. it doesn't change most things. but it gives you a reason to try.

[mydr3aminvi0let]

i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that

[cocrante]

I believe that when we like something, it's fair to discuss its flaws as well, with a critical yet well-reasoned approach. What I mean is: I often find myself disagreeing with certain users and their posts, not because they aren't well-constructed or descriptive, but because their critiques are based on personal inventions, lacking solid reasoning or citations to back up their points. Sometimes I’m tempted to reply with something like: "are you talking about *insert fandom name here*?" because, more often than not, it feels like we're discussing completely different fandoms. Perhaps that's why I fail to grasp their critiques (sarcasm). It’s a shame to waste so much time writing “critiques” that seem more focused on tearing down a work than enriching it with valid arguments (whether negative or positive).

The line between “critique” and “hate” is, unfortunately, quite thin. Too often, what is merely disguised as critique is actually poorly veiled disdain. Perhaps we should start by clarifying what we mean by “critique” and what tone is required for a text to be recognized as such. At its core, a critique is essentially a short essay, one that cannot exist without citations drawn from the original work, argued and described with coherence. I may sound strict, but I find it disheartening to read consistently negative posts about certain fandoms that lack coherence or analysis of the source material. These posts fail to ask the fundamental questions that should always be considered in any critique or analysis. Questions like: “why did the author choose to develop the story this way?” or “why did the author decide to portray the characters in this manner?” and then follow up with: “how could these characters or the story itself be improved?”. These are essential questions if you want to substantiate your arguments. Otherwise, your words remain empty and lack any coherence. Truly critical texts are dense and meticulously crafted. Senseless “critiques” don’t exist; they’re nothing more than incoherent and malicious chatter. If you genuinely want to critique something or someone, learn how to do it properly. Alternatively, reimagine the characters that, in your opinion, weren’t well-developed. Create your own headcanons or fanfiction, using the evergreen “what if” to reshape the scenarios you didn’t enjoy in the original work. Use alternative settings to ease your frustration with the fandoms you reference when engaging in these senseless debates.

Dear fandom, this is a kind reminder that criticism =/= hate; you can enjoy and like a piece of media, and engage in critical analysis.

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

[kavehater]

I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm so desperately bored rn. can't do anything. because all I want to do is think about Dan or Jenkins. but I don't want to let myself do that because then I'll lie down and fall asleep and the day will be over and it'll feel like I didn't do anything.

can't even watch anything. nothing feels right. I'm. so bored. I tried drawing but. nope. head empty.

[shvdwscng]

she envies how easily he's able to convey his thoughts and his feelings, and the more learns, the longer her insides simply do not settle. her heart and her mind waged two very different wars, and with his every word and gaze... and it seemed the one in her heart was winning. of course, she loves him. for how could she not? that her heart was so filled with cedrian, she could hardly call it her own anymore. was there ever a soul like his that existed? that someone who was her polar opposite could draw her so rapidly unto him, but alina had come to learn that amidst all the darkness around her, around them, he was the beacon of light she clung to, looked to him each moment she awoke plagued with uncertainty. that in a world of so many unknowns, he was her guiding light and her one constant. each morning she pulled herself out of bed, it was also the thought of seeing his bright smile and the tender looks he bestowed upon her. her realization that she loved him, was a gradual sensation that built, akin the summer rains of her court. slow and steady, tender droplets of the water settling upon her. he had gradually embedded himself onto her soul that she was a fool to ever think she could walk away from him as if he was nothing to her, that what this strange connection they shared could be forgotten or ignored. it was everything she denied herself, she fought against, buried each moment she was in arms knowing very well she would not have the privilege of calling cedrian hers, for a multitude of reasons. alina had no right to reach for something as precious as him. he was far better off without her, that she would only be a twisted shadows over his luminous light. cedrian in her mind was meant to be preserved for all that he was, not encased in her darkness. fates help her, she wanted nothing more than to dip herself in his light, yearned to be in his presence that those moments alina forget about her troubles entirely, that he was her personal heaven in every form. as if his presence and the sun rays that permeated from him could wipe away her every sin. his rather frank remark of her does allow a slow, steady release of oxygen, he somehow says both the right and wrong thing. how was he so certain she would not disappoint? of course she understood, that even someone as benevolent as him would not love another blindly. "perhaps you have not blindly offered me your affections. i will not argue with you on this, even if i do not understand how you are able to claim so easily that i will not disappoint." she clung to his, she didn't doubt his sentiments, only her ability to keep his affections. "when i have done nothing but disappoint my siblings." she leaves it at that for now. the ache in her chest continues its hold for numerous reasons, and the other half that wished to leg go and simply be with him, begged her not say anything she would regret later. her heart reacts promptly, as he once more allows the four letter word to linger freely between them. alina peered into his, her own, she's not sure what he finds, perhaps the storm that waged inside of her as attempted to continue their dance. she searches his gaze, it was not difficult to read, he had always been an open book, it was one of many she adored about him. she catches every bit of his emotions, for her, all that he felt for her. it was humbling for the high lady, and it steales her breathy away. "you humble me, cedrian." she murmured, her own emotions restricting her throat, and still she could not utter that four letter word, not yet. not because she did not return them, but the words remain lodged in her throat for the moment. it takes time for his to sink in, that cedrian loves her. "i want you. more than i will ever have a right to you. but you, you are perfect, you every bit of good in this cursed world, in my world."

she nestles closer to him, feeling his lips press to her head. "no, i simply recognize myself. i know what i am capable of as a high ruler, and enough to understand that i have never possessed the ability to care for a heart, certainly not one as rare as yours." alina didn't hold a high opinion of herself, at least not in the sense of deserving someone as magnificent as him, deserving of the devotion he would offer her. her confidence stemmed only of her capability as a high ruler, a mind that only understood logic and facts and politics. however, as a sister, as a lover, perhaps, in all the matters of hearts, she would never measure up. it was for that reason his words of enduring for her troubled her so, she didn't wish for him to endure for her, period. she also understood he was stubborn, he would do as he pleased that for some reason he found her worthy to offer all of him, and perhaps she should simply relish in it. still, she wished to try, longed to be someone he deserved. alina would give her life for her court, summer would always take priority, and she would still selfishly reach for him. cedrian's love knew no bounds, his every word settling inside of her like the gentle rain of summers, warming her frozen insides. a hand every so tentatively reaches out to his features, cupping his cheek, and allowing her fingers to stroke his cheek and stubble. "you do not need to give me anything." what could she want other than what he was giving her, the precious gift of all - himself. "i am selfish, and i will take all you wish to offer me." alina is captive in his gaze when his tilts to meet hers, once more. "i know." and she did know, he would not compare the two, ever. alina had felt no sense of jealousy or a slight, only that knowing how he loved his wife as he had, only made her love him further. it was always a thought that if he loved such a wonderful woman, how would he not be disappointed with alina? she sheds the thoughts for his sake, that as she has claimed she couldn't bear his disappointment and not by her hands. that if she selfishly wished to be with him, she would ensure she would not hurt him in any manner. once he knew every dark dark part of her, would he trust her with his children?

unable to bear the weigh of his gaze on her, she settles to feel him closer, cheek pressed to his, just as she heard his gentle murmur to allow him in. he doesnt not demand, but he never did. it is his very tenderness that nearly undoes her, addressing her as love, "i shall. i owe you that much." she owed him far more, but that was a start, despite the fear the still settled into her bones. it had also been decades worth of trauma she had locked away. cedrian had no skeletons, not that it would have mattered to the high lady, there was no version of him she would not love. his confession that follows her, has her still as does the sensation of his lips grazing her temple, the raw ache in his voice, perhaps fear that she might shatter him. it was astonishing simply because he could as easily do the same, could reject her at every moment despite knowing how he felt for her. "your fear of me misplaced, you might fear me for very different reasons." a pause as she draws in an unsteady breath as he assures her he would not run once he witnessed all of her demons. he reveals once more he too was terrified for her, but his seasons once more nearly cripple her. "i am capable of many things, ced, but i have come to learn hurting you or denying you anything is not one of them." her hand returned to her cheek, "although i wish you did not love me at all this way, i will sooner shatter myself before being the reason you are hurt in any manner." he wastes no time closing the distance between, his gentle hand cupping her cheek before claiming her lips in a kiss that had to be most shattering one. she returned it, pouring unto it all that she could not say still, instead simply allowing him to feel all that she felt for him. she nestles closer, burrowing a hand in his short, cropped hair and the other resting over his heart. ignoring those around them, and alina did not care, did not deny herself her happiness. "i love you, cedrian." she murmured against his lips, and she wondered if he had known this.

his  realization  didn't  come  like  lightning,  like  some  earth  shattering  and  sudden  moment.  it  crept  up  on  him,  in  the  way  she  laughed,  the  way  her  eyes  sparkled  any  time  they  met  his  own,  and  how  her  presence  within  his  life  began  to  take  over  most  of  his  waking  hours.  he  loved  her.  it  wasn't  the  first  time  the  thought  crossed  his  mind,  but  it  was  the  first  time  he  didn't  shove  it  aside.  didn't  hide  from  the  truth  or  deny  it.  alina  was  different,  a  piece  of  himself  he'd  not  even  known  he  was  searching  for.  their  moments  together  play  in  his  mind  like  a  reel,  highlighting  from  the  moment  they  met  to  where  they  stand  now.  for  cedrian,  a  man  who  thought  he  had  all  he  needed,  it  was  crippling  to  realize  he'd  been  wrong.  his  life  was  so  full,  love  of  his  children,  duty  to  his  court,  and  the  care  of  his  siblings,  he'd  assumed  he  never  would  find  love  again.  a  silent  promise  made  not  to  try,  given  to  a  woman  he  knew  full  well  would  not  wish  him  to  do  so.  but  then  came  alina,  slipping  through  the  cracks  of  his  walls  like  the  eternal  sun  of  the  day  court.  it  didn't  matter  how  hard  he  tried  to  resist,  she'd  pulled  him  in  like  the  waves  of  adriata.  his  chest  tightens  as  she  speaks,  words  he  didn't  think  he'd  earned,  didn't  think  she'd  give  him.  "  do  not  mistake  my  affection  for  you  as  blindness.  "  he  knew  the  phrase,  love  could  be  quite  blind,  but  a  high  ruler  wasn't  allowed  that  blissful  ignorance.  "  i  know  who  you  are,  and  i  know  you  are  not  perfect.  disappointing  me  will  never  be  an  option.  "  he  knew  nothing  she  did  could  make  such  a  thing  happen,  that  she  was  his  and  his  alone  and  nothing  could  change  that.  it  was  dangerous,  she  had  the  power  to  walk  away  and  shatter  his  heart.  unlike  the  last  time,  cedrian  knew  the  pieces  would  be  near  impossible  to  pick  up.  a  deep,  rich  chuckle  falls  from  the  high  lord.  "  i  love  you  as  you  are,  alina,  not  on  a  pedestal,  but  by  my  side.  i  only  want  you  as  you  are.  "  the  sincerity  in  his  voice  rings  loudly,  emotions  swelling  in  his  eyes  and  tone.  the  night  brought  out  his  honesty,  the  truths  he'd  been  denying  himself  and  alina.  there  was  no  running  anymore,  it'd  been  long  past  time  to  have  this  discussion.  he  still  feared  it  would  end  things  between  them,  have  her  reject  him  and  walk  away  as  if  they'd  been  nothing  to  one  another.  cedrian's  heartbeat  spins  out  of  control,  just  as  he  nestles  her  back  against  his  frame  after  spinning  her  to  the  music.

her  admission  that  he  was  right,  that  she  didn't  think  herself  worthy  of  someone  enduring  anything  for  her  sends  a  pang  of  pain  through  his  chest.  he  should  be  proud  he  was  right,  but  instead  it  was  a  truth  he'd  not  wanted  to  admit  to  her.  he  knew  she  didn't  think  well  of  herself,  but  he  wanted  her  to  see  herself  through  his  eyes.  "  you  underestimate  yourself.  "  he  mumbles,  leaning  down  and  pressing  his  lips  to  the  top  of  her  head,  letting  her  scent  slip  through  every  fiber  of  his  being.  "  you  are  worth  every  piece  of  what  i  want  to  give  you,  what  i  will  give  you.  "  his  words  allow  no  mistake,  cedrian  refuses  to  believe  anything  else.  at  the  mention  of  his  late  wife,  he  picks  his  head  back  up  to  look  into  her  eyes.  "  no.  you  are  not  her.  there  is  no  comparison  to  be  had,  nor  moment  i  have  thought  it.  "  admits  he.  he'd  allowed  his  mind  to  think  of  ellena  many  times,  but  not  to  compare  the  two.  to  realize  he'd  been  allowed  two  great  loves  in  life,  and  that  the  promise  he  made  was  a  foolish  one.  she'd  never  have  wanted  him  to  sacrifice  his  happiness  due  to  losing  her.  cedrian  lets  out  a  slow  breath,  trying  to  calm  himself  to  at  least  manage  the  rest  of  this  conversation.  her  words  swirl  in  his  mind,  and  he  can't  stop  thinking  of  all  he  wants,  of  all  she's  still  holding  back.  he  won't  beg,  he  can't  demand,  but  he  will  desire  her  no  matter  her  decision.  the  agreement  from  her  lips  that  she  wished  it  wasn't  temporary  settles  in  his  stomach,  a  twisted,  evil  feeling  that  doesn't  settle  a  thing.  he  knows  it  doesn't  matter,  their  desires  aren't  what  lead  them  alone.  alina  has  and  will  always  put  her  court  duties  above  herself.  her  body  reacts  to  him,  but  that  doesn't  tell  him  anything  he  doesn't  know.  cedrian  has  come  to  realize  that  she  feels  the  same  as  he,  only  the  battle  in  her  mind  isn't  a  fear  of  rejection,  it's  a  fear  of  letting  go.  it  might  be  more  dangerous  than  his  own.  "  then  let  me  in,  love.  "  he  says  softly,  the  gentleness  in  his  tone  not  something  she  hadn't  heard  before,  but  the  words  certainly.  he  wanted  every  piece  of  her,  every  shard,  every  crack,  and  every  surface  she'd  allow.  his  eyes  close,  leaning  into  the  connection  of  their  cheeks  and  trying  to  ground  himself  further.  "  perhaps  not.  "  he  says,  because  he's  an  open  book  and  certainly  does  not  have  the  dark  closet  many  high  rulers  do.  it  was  a  blessing  and  a  curse.  but  then  her  words  come,  and  he  pulls  back,  allowing  his  lips  to  brush  on  her  temple  as  he  meets  her  gaze  once  more.  her  words  send  a  charged  burning  through  his  body,  but  he  lets  her  finish  her  thoughts  before  he  takes  what  he  wants.  "  you  terrify  me  too.  "  admits  the  high  lord.  "  and  the  thought  of  losing  you  ?  of  losing  this  ?  it  shatters  me,  alina.  "  he's  laying  it  all  out,  letting  her  have  every  bit  of  control  in  what  happens  next.  "  nothing  you  share  will  push  me  away.  "  his  words  are  filled  with  certainty,  and  he  doesn't  let  them  linger  in  the  air  long  before  taking  what  she  offered.  cedrian  leans  in,  fingertips  delicately  cupping  her  cheek  as  he  angles  her  lips  to  slot  against  his  own  as  they've  done  plenty  of  times.  only  this  kiss  is  quite  possibly  the  most  powerful  yet,  it's  not  a  secret  any  longer.

[rucow]

everyone talks about how nice it so have people be interested in your OCs, stories, yourself etc. but no one talks about how that can also be really draining bc some of us just don't feel the need to share our ideas with others, especially when we're put on the spot and interrogated