#but if his secret mission isn’t tied in with Gold Star then like????? what are the writers smoking?????

[only-one-brain-cell]

What if they try to keep Spencer coming back as a secret so in episode one all the BAU members are in the meeting room stumped “what the hell is Gold Star???” Then Spencer walks in “I know what it is.” Rossi: HOW????? I actually want to know how you know when you’ve been gone for month’s!

[babbushka]

A December To Remember

Lawyer!Kylo Ren x Reader 

4.1k, cw: Possessive behavior; name-calling; unwanted advances from another man; NSFW (Rivals/rival relationship/enemy lovers, PIV, fingering, semi-public sex/office sex)

Available on AO3

                                              ------------------------

When the elevator doors open, Kylo has to physically brace himself. He had heard the music blasting from seven floors away, his discomfort only growing bigger and bigger as the elevator ticked up up up to Gwen’s lobby. His hands clench into fists in his leather gloves, refusing to take them off.

He wasn’t going to be here long, he promises himself as a conga line of santa hats nearly steps on his Allen-Edmonds; he just needed to show his face, have a drink, and get out. The office is all geared up for Christmas, Kylo walks through the winter wonderland of flocked trees decorated in white and gold, garland wrapped around support poles, big faux presents arranged nicely. There’s a live band and although they played well, the music is a bit much, as are the people singing along. Kylo tunes it out to the best of his ability, on a mission, a hunt.

One thing he can at least appreciate, was that this was a cocktail party, which meant everyone was dressed up nicely. Kylo loves an excuse to bring out his expensive suits, Burberry sitting nicely on his broad shoulders. No one could say he didn’t try to be festive – he had put on a black tuxedo made of soft mohair wool, that happened to have a saucy lapel of black satin for some holiday flair.  

As he walks through the crowds of attorneys who Kylo has never seen laugh and smile so much in his career, someone hands him a peppermintini. It’s not long before he feels a tap on his shoulder, and he nearly spills the cocktail by whirling around, thinking that at last, he’s found you.

He has half a mind to smile, but whatever he had thought of saying goes out the window when he sees it is not you, but rather it’s his friend Gwen. She’s gorgeous in a silver slinky number that dips down her muscled back very low, and Kylo leans in to press his cheek against hers in greeting.

“Well well well, look who actually decided to show up.” Gwen nearly has to shout to be heard over the volume of the party.

He rolls his eyes at her teasing, takes a sip of the offending holiday cocktail – where the fuck could a guy get some whiskey around here?

“I was invited, wasn’t I?” Kylo replies, even though he’s not really looking at her. Gwen is probably the only person he knows who is as tall as him, and tonight she’s wearing heels which make her actually a few inches taller.

“Yes, but I’ve seen the stack of unopened invitations sitting on your desk.” She snaps her fingers in front of his face, drawing his attention back to her for the time being as she raises a platinum blonde brow, “Let’s not you and I pretend that you’re here because you want to enjoy the cheer of the holiday.”

The both of them exchange a little huff of laughter, because really she was right. Kylo is here because he had heard through the grapevine that you had RSVP’d, and there was nothing that could have prevented Kylo coming to see you if that were true.

“I’ve been informed that it is appropriate to make appearances now and again, even brief ones.” He sighs into his drink, nose crinkling at the sheer minty-ness of it.

“You can’t leave you just got here!” Gwen groans, “Stay for a little while, there’s some people who want to talk to you.”

“Whether or not I stay is contingent to one thing.” He shakes his head with a grimace, and at this Gwen’s sharp eyes sparkle with the light of knowing his secret.

“I last saw her over by the buffet.” Gwen sips her own cocktail, speaking lowly enough so that only he can hear, not like anyone is listening.

“I don’t know who you mean.” Kylo’s palms immediately begin to sweat inside his gloves, and he fixes the wall a hard stare to avoid that knowing look in her eye.

“Between you and me, I’m surprised she showed up just as much as I am that you did.” Gwen scoffs, and that at the very least was something Kylo understood.

As difficult as it was trying to pin Kylo down for something as unsavory as a Christmas party, you were notoriously hard to convince to come to anything for the holidays if you didn’t feel like it. It was one of the things that Kylo appreciated about you – not that Kylo liked you, or anything.

He shakes the thought away from his head.

“But you’re sure she’s here?” Kylo asks, an intensity to his question that has Gwen laughing.

“Yes – and do try not to make a scene.” She pats him on the back, before sauntering away to go entertain.

“What’s a Christmas party without a little scandal?” Kylo mutters to himself, trying to figure out which way the food was.

He recognizes people from six or seven different law firms as he tries to cut his way through the party. Gwen hadn’t been joking, about a dozen men in suits shake his hand and introduce themselves, congratulating him on winning his most recent case. Interns have stars in their eyes when he passes, and Kylo tries his best not to be such a grinch to their faces.

At this rate, he’s starting to get frustrated and irritated, he still hasn’t found you. The peppermintini was long finished, and he didn’t ask for a refill when he passed the bar. The entire outing was shaping up to be a waste, and Kylo is about ready to give up when he finally catches a whiff of your perfume.

“…That’s nice.” He hears your disinterested voice pipe up from a spot on the other end of the lobby where he has wandered, and Kylo lets himself be led to you, using his height to search for you in the jovial crowd.

Some schmuck is trying to herd you in the direction of where a big sprig of mistletoe has been tied under a doorframe, and the minute Kylo sees it happening, jealousy and rage simmer up straight up his spine.

“Isn’t it? I got the sonofabitch off a ten-year sentence. He was absolutely guilty but, that’s not my problem anymore.” A handsome pretty boy with perfectly straight teeth that are practically fluorescent from how white they are tries dazzling you.

“Uh huh.” You sound like you could not care less, and that for some reason only makes Kylo angrier – couldn’t this boy see that you weren’t interested?

Kylo tries to say his excuse me and his pardon mes, as he winds through the lobby on his mission to you. It’s difficult, because you won’t stay still for fucks sake, so every time Kylo thinks he’s just about gotten to you, you take a sharp turn to try and lose the boy’s unwanted attention.

“So anyway I was thinking to celebrate, maybe you can come back to mine after this shindig gets wrapped up.” He says, slipping an arm around your waist.

Kylo’s blood boils.

“Excuse me?” Your tone shifts dramatically, from uninterested to offended at his presumptions. Your body stiffens up at once, and that arm drops from your waist like he’s been electrocuted.

“I brought my own car and everything, we don’t even have to take the subway.” The boy tries to impress you, but you’re having none of it.

“I don’t think so, I have no intentions on going anywhere with you.” You shut his advances down, “Tonight, or any night.”

This angers the boy, which in turn makes Kylo see red, and he doesn’t even realize that he’s literally shoving himself in between happy couples and groups of cheerful friends to close that last bit of distance between you and him.

“Well then what the hell have you been doing this entire time, leading me on like this?” The boy reaches out to grasp harshly around your wrist when you try and make your leave, “Hey – !”

“She said no.” Kylo’s voice is dark and dangerous as he appears behind the boy, who drops your wrist at once.

“Kylo?” The sound of his name on your lips is enough to keep him from killing this boy in a blind rage, and his eyes flick to you in a very curt greeting.

“Listen to me -- and listen to me carefully.” Kylo looms over this lesser attorney, casting a shadow over the boy’s face from the sheer breadth of him, “I am going to close my eyes and count to three. If you are still here bothering this woman when I open them again, I will reach down your throat and rip your lungs out through your mouth and I will make it look like an accident. Understand?”

“Y-yes.” The boy stammers out, nearly chokes.

“Yes what?” Kylo sneers, jaw clenched.

“Yes sir!” He squeaks in terror -- Kylo doesn’t even have to close his eyes before the boy is scrambling away, and everyone around you is snickering at how he’s gone bright red in the face as he leaves the party entirely.

Now that that was taken care of, Kylo holds a hand out for you, which you take automatically. He would never admit to it, but the feeling of your palm against his has him calm almost at once.

“You have to stop doing that, you know.” You say, as Kylo leads you away from the crowded party of the lobby, and out towards the big balcony.

It’s cold outside, the past few days bringing a light dusting of snow, but you don’t seem to mind. You’ve got a fur stole wrapped around your shoulders to keep you warm. Even out here has been decorated to match the Christmas spirit, with twinkling lights covering every available surface.

“Oh but it’s so fun to watch them squirm.” He smiles, pulling you close to him as the two of you rest against the railing.

“No, not that,” You shake your head, “I mean rescuing me. I can handle myself.”

“I know you can, but again, where would be the fun in that?” Kylo only winks, and you lightly smack his arm.

You’re about to say something, when you notice that dangling above both of your heads is a bit of mistletoe, tied together with a red velvet ribbon. It spins ever so gently in the slight breeze from being so high up, and you nudge Kylo’s hand on the railing with your own.

“Look.” You whisper, and Kylo looks up too.

“Now who put that there…?” He grins smooth as ever, as he ducks his head down and kisses you.

Kissing you was rapidly becoming one of Kylo’s favorite pastimes. It was too bad you were such a fucking pain in his side most of the time, if you weren’t so stubborn and difficult, he’s sure you’d spend a lot more time kissing each other.

But then again, you are stubborn and difficult, and you have no intention of stopping. Kylo hates that about you, hates how upset it makes him. No one gets under his skin the way you do, and so he pays you back by giving you the best kiss of your life – that’ll show you.

Your mouth parts for his, eyes closed. Your breaths come out in little sighs, and Kylo feels his body reacting to it. He hasn’t been able to get a good look at you all evening, but when he does, he loves what he sees. You’re wearing a dress in a color that perfectly compliments your skin, in a shape that fits your body exactly how you like it to.

His hands grasp at your hips a little too tightly, making you nip at his lower lip with a teasing smirk.

Christmas has never been something Kylo cared remotely about, but he’s big enough to admit that the lights really do wonders for making you look like a goddamned movie star. You both pull away enough just in case someone were to look out the window or come onto the balcony and see – neither of you could really have that, it was bad enough that there were bets about you through the different firms, the last thing you needed was to let any one side win.

“It’s criminal, how good you look.” Kylo tugs on the fabric of your neckline, “Someone ought to do something about it.”

“Hmm, like what?” You play along, your hand reaching down down down and grasping a hold of Kylo’s cock, ever so briefly, giving in a squeeze.

“Bend you over and fuck you hard, just the way you deserve.” He presses his mouth against your ear, he can practically hear your heartbeat picking up.

“Too bad you scared off poor Mike,” You say with a tsk of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, “I bet he would’ve loved to do the honors.”

Mike, that was the schmucks name? Kylo had almost forgotten entirely about him, about the way he had put his hands on you without your permission. He would make a couple calls, get the kid fired.

Or demoted, at the very least.

He wasn’t sure yet.

“You want to get me mad, is that it? And here we were having such a nice time.” Kylo looks around again, makes sure no one is seeing anything that’s happening out there on the balcony as he snakes a hand up up up your thigh.

“Maybe I like it when you’re mad, maybe I know you’re going to show me a real good time.” You smirk, and Kylo is reminded why he hates you so much, you’re so spoiled, getting whatever you want whenever you want it.

“Such a fucking brat.” He snaps, hand reaching for your and tugging you back through the doors with a, “Come with me.”

Kylo is faced with the party once again and is trying to find the best way to get the fuck out of there, when you pull him in a different direction.

“No – I know a spot, this way.” You bite back a pleased grin, and Kylo has to roll his eyes, letting you lead the way.

Deep deep deep in the bowels of the office, far away from the lobby and all the festivities, the music sounds a million miles away. You’ve tugged Kylo into a conference room with big glass walls and a glass door, like a little zoo enclosure. It’s nearly pitch black, none of the lights are turned on. The only illumination is from the city outside, the ambient glow of New York beginning their celebration of Christmas. The Rockefeller tree shines brightly a few blocks down the road, a perfect view from this conference room.

Fleetingly, Kylo has half a mind to ask you to go ice skating, but then you’re hopping up on the table and spreading your legs, the skirt of your dress hiked up around your hips. You’re not wearing any panties, a pair of thigh garters holding up your stockings – and Kylo’s mind goes blank.

“Aren’t you cold?” He asks, immediately pushing you farther up the table, wanting a better view of your pussy as your thighs rub together from being so exposed.

“Yes,” You admit licking your lips, “But you’ll warm me up, won’t you?”

Kylo groans, bites off his gloves with his teeth, wastes no time in trailing his fingertips through your folds. You squirm at the touch, wanting to be filled by him, any way you could get it. He dips them deeper between your legs, nothing but the sound of your breathing filling the quiet of the room.

“Slut, god what a fucking slut you are – look at you, pussy already wet for me.” Kylo grits out between his teeth, his cock filling out in his expensive trousers, straining against his briefs.

His fingers seek the wet heat of your cunt, and he pumps them in and out slowly while he tries undoing the buckle of his belt. Your hands help him, your legs falling open farther as his fingers bury themselves in your pussy. The stretch is beautiful, and you moan, leaning back until you’re resting on the table fully.

“Are you going to talk? Or are you going to fuck me?” You challenge from your spot on the table, your hands rubbing up and down your stomach, hips lifting so he can finger you a little faster.

“Both, I can do both, fuck you’re sexy.” He huffs, unbuttons his suit jacket, shucks down his trousers and briefs enough to pull his cock out and give it a good few strokes with the hand that’s not thrusting in and out of your cunt, blunt nails dragging against your walls.

“I know.” You’re full of yourself – full of Kylo – and you moan from the thought, “Hurry up, someone could catch us.”

“No they can’t, I locked the door. It’s just you and me sweetheart – thaaaat’s it.” Kylo replaces his fingers with his cock, your folds swallowing him down, oozing and dripping slick all over your thighs.

He shoves in roughly once he’s got the head in, pushes into you in one fluid motion that has your back arching. Kylo grabs at your legs, is careful of your heels as he pins your ankles together and tucks them against his shoulder, your body pressed together as he begins to thrust in earnest.

“Yes! Fucking finally,” Your palms smear sweat on the polished wood of the conference table, and before he knows it, you’re pulling one hand up to lightly smack at his arm. “You know I’ve been waiting here for you for two fucking hours, you asshole.”

Only you could give him such an icy glare while also pushing your tits up for him to play with. Kylo reaches out to pinch hard at one of your nipples, and you whine, your thighs trembling just a little from being held up like this.

Kylo’s big fat cock stuffs you full, your pussy even tighter from having your legs pressed together like this. Normally he likes to look down and watch his dick disappear into you, but he can barely see your face as it is in the dark of the room, so he doesn’t mind. Besides, he can feel you – can feel the way you throb and pulse around him, how you flutter and clench, and it’s enough.

“If I had known – damn you’re tight – you’d be here – fuck (Y/N) – I would’ve come earlier.” Kylo latches himself to your neck, bending you nearly in half as his hips speed up, his balls smacking against your ass as he pushes you up up up the table.

“I – ah Kylo be careful,” You warn him when one of your shoes falls right off your foot and lands on the wood with a thud. He rips the other one off and throws it to the floor, leaving your legs in nothing but the stockings and garters. Your hand tangles in his hair as you press him back down to your throat, where he sucks and bites at your skin. “I don’t know why you couldn’t just fucking call me back. We – oh yes, yes harder come on – we could’ve avoided all this bullshit.”

“You’re the one who hung up on me last time!” Kylo pulls himself more upright, scowling down at you as he grabs your face, gives your jaw a little shake.

“Oh!!” Your body tenses up unexpectedly, his cock accidentally slipping out and pushing back in wrong.

Kylo fumbles just a little bit in the dark, lets your legs fall as he tries to fix the angle, tries to get himself back inside your pussy as quickly as he can. It just feels wrong to not fuck you, it feels wrong to not be joined with you as completely as possible. Even when you’re scowling at him and he’s glowering right back at you – maybe especially then.

“Relax for me?” Kylo strokes your hip with his thumb, and your body gives way for him once again, your legs wrapping around his waist as he pushes back in and continues fucking you exactly like you like it, “There we go, anyway you wouldn’t have answered me.”

“Could’ve – faster Kylo, you could’ve left a voicemail.” You hiccup, and he hates that you’re right.

He hates it as your body opens up for him, takes him, takes the fucking. You’re such a fucking princess you make him do all the work with a big smug grin on your face before he shifts his hips just right in a way that’s got your eyes rolled back into your head, mouth dropped open. He grabs your jaw again and makes out with you, wants his tongue on yours, wants your teeth scraping against his.

“Sure – fuck you, ugh fuck, I’m – ” Kylo can barely get the words out, kissing you and fucking you in the dark and quiet like this, while everyone enjoys the party just beyond the locked door of the open floor plan of cubicles.

“Me too,” You nod, desperate for him, wanting to come so badly that you twine your fingers into his hair and tug sharply, voice breathy and high and panting as you demand, “Kylo more – !”

He gives it to you, plows his cock into you so hard that he pushes the table askew, makes the chairs on their rolling wheels move all over the place from the effort of it. He bites down hard onto your neck and rubs your clit, rolls it between his fingers while his cock forces itself as deep as it can go, shallow thrusts to fill you up all the way, pushing right up against your cervix, making you yelp out your orgasm.

Feeling your cunt throb and gush for him, Kylo comes soon after, pumping himself in and out mindlessly, the both of you reveling in your pleasure. With a weak shaking hand, you tug down the sleeves of the bodice of your dress, let it fall away from your breasts. Like a moth to flame, Kylo is drawn to your cleavage, and he wastes no time pulling one of your tits out of the pretty lacy bra you’ve got on.

He sucks and kisses at your flesh as his cock pulses and spills more come into you, the both of you trying to catch your breath. He spares a glance up to you, pleased to see you’re fucked out nicely, eyes closed, lips parted and drooling just a little onto your cheek as you’ve got your face turned to one side. Kylo lets his eyes close too, mouths at your nipple until he’s sure he’s emptied himself inside of your wanting cunt.

Then, when he pulls you to sit upright on the table, instead of helping you with your clothes or even cleaning up the mess between your thighs, he stays buried inside of you and fishes his phone out from the inside of his jacket pocket.

“What are you doing?” You ask with a nosy frown, trying to lean around his big hand and see what he’s pulling up on his phone.

Kylo just kisses you quiet, dials the phone and puts it up to his ear while it rings.

“Calling the car to come pick us up and take us back to my place,” He murmurs against the corner of your mouth, before cracking the joints in his neck and grumbling, “Unless you’d rather mingle with a hundred boring nobodies like Mike instead.”

You just scrub a hand down your face with a smile, try to start fixing your hair back to something less mussed.

“I’m starving, can we pick up takeout on the way?” You stretch, wincing when Kylo finally does pull out of you, the feeling of being empty making you grimace just a bit.

He chuckles and kisses you again, lets your arms slip around his neck without any protest.

“Whatever you want.” Kylo kisses your cheek, diverting his attention to the phone call once his driver picks up.

Though the holidays had you at one another’s throats like rabid vicious dogs most days, Kylo wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Because for all the bitching and bickering, there were moments like these. Moments in the dark where you both let yourselves have what it was that you wanted.

And who knew, maybe the new year would bring about a whole new set of opportunities and possibilities, you’d just have to wait and see. One thing was for sure though, Kylo thinks as he helps you off the table and you both search for some tissues or something to wipe up the mess you’ve made, it certainly was a December to remember.

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Imagine:

This is a request from @dashhoney25

Erik and his boo, London, make up for lost time. 😈

Warnings: LOTS of Smut, Rough sex, dirty talk. This shit...had me wet AF.

There are four levels of assassins: the novices, dilettantes, journeymen, and lastly masters. The masters, men with military or paramilitary backgrounds who travel to their contracts have few local ties that law enforcement can use. They excel at their craft, and operate quietly and without incident. In theory, the whispered meetings will be held in secret, the job will be executed with precision and grace, and no one will witness the escape. As a class one type assassin, Erik Killmonger was genetically enhanced in order to perform physical tasks much more efficiently than an average peak-human. To keep his skills in balance, Erik Killmonger practices his combat, shooting, assassination, and stealth skills whenever he is not on an assignment. He has over his life become a myth in the underworld due to his skills. Many doubt Erik Killmonger’s existence because of his skills in completing impossible assignments to the point that the FBI and CIA denies his existence…

Erik Killmonger spawned on a beach in Miami from his F470 Combat Rubber Raiding Craft at approximately 9:30 PM. He’s wearing a Roka wetsuit that provides luxurious comfort and no restrictions. The ocean waters emit a bright blue glow as the waves crashed and the tide came in because of tiny organisms called Lingulodinium polyedrum. With him, Erik Killmonger has on a pair of thermal imaging goggles resting on top of his tapered locs. Frontwards, Erik Killmonger spots two armed guards pacing in front of the architect-designed luxury beach home. Erik Killmonger tugged on the goggles, bringing them down over his onyx eyes. Both of them are carrying a GLOCK 19 and wearing crisp black suits and polished black dress shoes. One beefy man and the other looking about his weight and height. Good. 

Erik Killmonger has mastered the art of stealth, being able to terminate multiple enemies in the same area one at a time and sneak up on almost anybody and quietly neutralize them. Erik Killmonger also has an expert level understanding of the use of disguises in order to access unauthorized areas of a location. He needed the disguise of one of the guards to get inside of the home so he could grab what he needed for his Nightcall mission. Keeping low, his body hidden by the Lyme grass that sprouted from the beach, Erik Killmonger spots a pool on the left side. Moving quickly,  He walks inside the pool room and finds a tool box sitting on a surfboard table. Walking back out, he went around to the left side of the house until he saw the garage. Erik Killmonger uses the screwdriver that he picked out of the tool box to short-circuit the signal box, which will allow him to open up the garage door for access. He rounded a corner and parkour rolled, finding a good hiding spot. 

“Man, this is a bust...what exactly are we guarding?” The beefy guard with a Glasgow smile and a clean shaven head says before taking a quick puff from his cigarette. He spoke with an Australian accent from what Erik Killmonger could pick up while hiding behind a cherry-red sports car. 

“All I know is I’m getting paid,” The other guard that sounded like a Florida native says before turning to grab the cigarette from his partner's hand. He runs a hand through his jet black hair that reminded Erik of how greasers used to wear it back in the 50s. Blowing smoke towards the sky, he chokes up a bit. 

“Are these M-Marlboro golds?” He says between coughs and slight wheezes. 

“Yep, the only kind I smoke...looks like you can’t handle it though,” The beefy guard laughs tumultuously. 

“I’m more of a codeine guy,” The greaser says before handing the cigarette back to the other guard, “I prefer my prescription drugs.”

“That shit will have you on the floor, man.” 

Erik checked the time on his G-Shock Casio Camouflage watch. He didn’t bring a lot of tech with him since this job is supposed to be silent, quick, and precise. He couldn’t leave any traces of himself behind. For Erik, these types of jobs were always the hardest for him, that’s why he took another week to survey the area with his Dragon X12 U11 Drone late at night before accepting the Nightcall mission. The two guards kept talking nonsense, wasting a breath with every word when Erik Killmonger could be in the luxury beach home. He only had thirty minutes left. Since taking out both of them will bring too much attention, he decided to take them down one by one. 

“Hey...what was that?” The greaser says mid laugh. He shared a look with his partner before they both went stony-faced. He pulls out his GLOCK 19, checking the magazine for rounds before turning towards the garage, “I’ll be back, you know we aren’t really supposed to leave this post. If Alma asks, tell her I’m checking for a noise.” 

“Gotcha, just hurry back, you know that bitch will have something to say,” the beefy guard reminds him. 

With his gun pointed straight ahead with a two-handed grip and unwavering eyes, the greaser walks slowly past the cherry-red sports car, Erik Killmonger’s body no longer there. Making a left turn, heading towards the pool room, the greaser aims his gun left, right, behind, and in front of him. It was dark and anyone could be hiding behind the many shelves filled with storage bins and other miscellaneous items. Erik watched the greaser walk far enough into the pool room before stepping out from behind a cluttered storage cabinet. 

Erik Killmonger got really close behind the greaser without being detected, grabbing him around his throat by putting him in a choke hold, the crease of his arm between his bulging bicep, tricep, and flexor, squeezing with ease before he went limp in his arms. He dropped him, getting down on his knees to remove his suit and get dressed. Once he was fully clothed and looking like the other armed guards, Erik Killmonger places the GLOCK 19 in the suit jacket pocket before taking a calm yet treacherous stroll out to the other guard. 

_____________________

London’s eyelids fluttered open with a hassle around 3:18 AM, just five hours before she had to be to work. London is a Cyber Security Analyst for CSOC, a five-star rated computer security company in New York City, New York. The high and wide windows within the bedroom of her Penthouse gave her a nighttime view of the Midtown Manhattan skyline and at its feet is the whole geometry of Central Park. The high end silk bedding duvet cover set in black has perfect temperature-regulating properties that would usually help her sleep but with the absence of her man there was little to no chance for her to drift off again. London scoots over towards the edge of the left side of the upholstered platform bed in black to effectively turn on the side lamp. After rubbing her tired eyes, London grabs her phone to see if she had any missed calls or texts from him. Sure enough, the busy man himself sent her a text almost two hours ago. 

Erik: I just boarded my private jet, I’ll see you when you wake up baby girl. I’ll be right next to you. 

London and Erik have been exclusive for a little over a year. They met because Erik was a longtime client of CSOC and London would personally work for him whenever he needed it. She picked up on his flirtatious cues and the way his eyes blazed every time he looked at her. It was her round, sparkling topaz eyes with sweeping lashes; glowing honey skin; high cheekbones every time she smiled; glossy full lips; bouncy blunt cut copper hair; and trim frame with a plump backside. London didn’t expect anything to happen between them since Erik could be a bit emotionally closed off but he had a deep, and in the beginning, unexpressed admiration for London. He very rarely showed a liking towards anyone around him but for some reason, London changed that. Beneath his bad boy persona is a charming, mysterious, and intellectual man. London fell in love with him before she found out what he did for a living. Erik is an Assassin. Killing people as an occupation of course terror struck her in the beginning but she couldn’t leave him alone no matter how much her conscience tried to sway her. 

The beginning of their relationship...let’s just say it was nothing short of wild. Erik used to take London on big trips to places like Dubai, Japan, Colombia, and Saudi Arabia whenever he had work. That changed when Erik almost had a near death experience when trying to escape from a mission. He ended up hospitalized in a secret facility for trained killers like himself somewhere in Arizona. London made up for his lack of being there by working more hours which led her to a position as a Lead Cyber Security Analyst. Her pockets swelled even though she didn’t necessarily need the money since Erik could afford to take care of both of them. London grew tired from working long and hard hours and whenever she would come home to find Erik there she wouldn’t feel up to doing anything sexually. He was always on the move and she was always at work back in NYC. A strain between them both began to form. 

Erik didn’t fuss much about it, knowing how demanding his job is but whenever London felt a certain way about their situation he would let her vent to him, rubbing his baby girl’s back, kissing her gently, whispering reassurance to her; that things are going to get better; that she should leave her job and stay home. As easy as all of that sounded, London couldn’t bring herself to leave all that she worked so hard for behind her. To top it all off, London is a strong, independent woman who has done almost everything herself before Erik walked into her life. Yeah, he’s her daddy, but sitting at home waiting on his FaceTime call, his text, or to even simply hear his voice wasn’t enough. Also, she had to keep in mind that the future isn’t promised for the both of them. If things didn’t work out, London would be on her own again. The lack of sexual attention was indeed driving London crazy. Taking baths alone turned into London using her waterproof rabbit vibe or the faucet to make her cum. Other times she would mount her suction cup dildo that is an exact mold of Erik’s dick on the edge of the tub to ride. If she couldn’t have daddy’s long, thick, veiny black dick, then the toy would just have to make up for that when he’s not around. 

London snatched the silk duvet from her body before walking to the master bathroom. With the lights on, London turned to stare at her reflection through the backlit vanity mirror. London gently touched one of the taps twice, the warm water flowing out and into the single copper basin of the bathroom sink. Cupping her hands, the white iced out diamond Cuban link 10k yellow gold bracelet on her right wrist twinkling beneath the lights, London watches with drowsy eyes as the water fills in her hands. A few times, London rinses her face with the warm water to calm herself down so she can go back to sleep peacefully without tossing and turning. Lifting her face from the sink basin, eyes closed because of the water dripping from her face, London blindly grabs a folded black cotton facial towel with gold trimming. She dabs her face, taking in the clean and soft fresh linen smell. 

“Why are you up so late?”

London blanched, when Erik startled her with his large hands grabbing at her waist from the back. To this day, London still wasn’t used to Erik’s stealth. His feet are like feathers hitting the floor. London is wearing a black Sheer Marabou Romper that has a cinched waist, fluffy feathery trim, and thin straps. One thing Erik loves to see her in any chance he got was lingerie or nothing at all. Looking up into the vanity, London took in Erik’s appearance. He’s wearing his usual all black from head to toe; black cable knit long sleeve top that clung to his hulking frame and black drop crotch destroyed jeans. The layered diamond tennis chains around his neck matched the bracelet on London’s wrist and the Rolex on his left wrist with its diamond bezel didn’t go unnoticed either. 

“I couldn’t sleep, it’s been that way for the past few weeks,” London rubs his strong hands with thick fingers around her waist, “How was this job?”

“Unnecessary, but I have another two million in my bank account so I can’t complain,” Erik’s thick lips circled London’s exposed neck, “You can’t sleep because of me, huh?”

“I’m used to you being next to me, yes, but I know you’re so busy,” London turns to face Erik. His hair from the dim lights of the bathroom looked almost raven, dreads messily resting against his forehead. London’s hands reach out to stroke his tapered waistline. She could feel all of the tiny raised scars beneath her manicured nails the more she lightly scratched him. 

“I’ve been getting calls for jobs left and right. Nothing else matters when I’m with you...I miss my baby,” Erik’s hand makes its way to London’s copper hair, slicking back the pressed out strands from her face before placing some behind her ears, “Haven’t been giving you the attention you need, and then you’re wearing my favorite too, probably waiting for me to come home and properly take it off of you.” 

“Properly taking my clothes off for you is ripping them to pieces,” London giggles before lifting to her tiptoes to kiss Erik’s thick, moist lips, “Why don’t you take a shower so we can lay in bed, I want you to wrap your arms around me,” London rubs Erik’s biceps. 

“Aight, ma, let me take a quick shower and I’ll meet you in bed,” Erik traced the pout of London’s bottom lip before giving her another kiss with a little bit of tongue. 

London walked back to the bedroom, pulling the silk duvet back and climbing back into bed. She propped herself up on her side to watch Erik undress. The standing shower system they have was London’s favorite. It has a square shower head with LED, remote-controlled LED, a detachable hand shower if you wanted to use it, and a thermostatic touch panel mixer with a digital display. The Rainfall mode made London experience the pleasure of a warm summer rain in her own bathroom. Her body was so tired but she couldn’t stop staring at him as he stripped out of each piece of clothing. Erik’s sinewy physique is so defined and well-built, so much so that you can even tell through his clothing. The raised marks on his torso, arms, and back caused her pierced nipples to grow taut as if she could feel his body rubbing against hers. 

Stepping into the shower, Erik puts it on Rainfall mode before standing directly under the square shower head. As the water sprouted from the shower head it trickled over Erik’s body making lazy patterns. He grabs for his favorite peppermint and eucalyptus body wash with a soap sponge to clean himself. He must have known that London was watching him because his ridiculously big dick was swaying back and forth with each movement of his body. London hasn’t had that big black dick in her for at least a few weeks now. When she first saw that fat dick in person she was sure she wouldn’t be able to take it. All that dick you’ll end up with no walls, tangled intestines, and half a stomach. She paid close attention to the way Erik grabbed his dick at the base, bringing it up against his lower abdomen to wash his balls. That heavy nut sack on him had her drooling. It had to have been almost 5 AM now. She was going to be extremely tired at work. 

________________

London arrived to work thirty minutes late with her daily homemade green smoothie in hand. She’s wearing a charcoal grey pencil skirt with a silk black top and black So Kate pumps on her feet. Her copper hair is swept to the side and bouncing with each step she took. When London woke up Erik wasn’t on his side of the bed. After freshening up and getting dressed, London went looking for him and found him in his weapons room unloading a few rounds to test out the new artillery. She didn’t want to disturb him too much so she gave him a quick kiss before leaving him alone until she made it back home. London walks past the rounded glass top receptionist desk before pushing open the commercial double glass doors to her work area. 

Having her own office means peace and quiet now. London gave some of her coworkers tight lipped smiles before entering her work space, allowing the frosted glass door to close behind her. 888 Seventh Avenue provided magnificent views of Central Park and the Manhattan skyline. London takes a seat at her modern black wood executive desk with a Mac desktop computer and other office supplies. She has two meetings to attend and one will be starting within the next hour. London checks her work email for any important information from clients while sipping her green smoothie. Time trickled by slowly and London hadn’t noticed that Erik had called her a few times. After receiving a reminder about the meeting via company email, London checks her phone. Erik sent her a voice message which was rather unlike him. London listens despite her confusion. 

“Hey what’s up, baby, how are you doing? I didn’t get a chance to really talk to you this morning since the new artillery came in, but...I’m sitting here just thinking about you and baby... I just want to see your face. Can you send me a picture or a video of yourself? I miss that pretty face….” he paused for a second, “I’m not gonna lie, ma...I’m feeling some type of way because I’m sitting here just thinking about you...thinking about tasting you...thinking about the other night when you watched me take a shower before you fell asleep…” Erik exhaled, “I miss that wet pussy, baby...I know that shit was wet last night...like goddamn...I know you’re panties had to be soaked, shit.” 

London was seated on the edge of her seat while her free hand gripped the handle of her seat. She couldn’t believe he was saying this to her in her voicemail. She instantly needed her man. 

“I’m saying...I’m not complaining at all because I love that wet ass pussy on my face and in my fucking mouth...grinding that pussy across my lips and my beard...Still tasting your pussy juices on my mustache...I wanna suck on that clit...that shit make you so goddamn wet, girl...spread them fat pussy lips and slowly guide my tongue up and down...up and down...fuck,” Erik hisses, “I miss that pussy gripping my fingers...you like that shit don’t you? Daddy’s fingers in your tight little pussy? Goddamn...fuck that I want you to take a picture of how wet your pussy is right now...yeah, I know that’s a little naughty but I know you’re my nasty little girl so you’ll do that shit anyway, right? I’ll spank that ass if you don’t send me a fucking pic, girl...I’ll spank that ass just how I do when I’m busting that pussy open from the back…”

London closed her eyes, praying to god that she would go through the rest of her day after this voicemail. She’s definitely wet alright; fucking soaked. If London pulled her panties to the side right now it would probably reveal a sticky, slimy mess. He had to be beating that fat ass dick right now. 

“Man...now you got me wanting to fuck the shit out of you, London...put my hands on your hips and start off nice and slow in that pussy...shit, we both know that pussy good...puss will have me busting a fat nut so fast...hell nah, girl…” Erik’s voice lowered over the phone to a whisper that ran down London’s spine and straight to her clit, “I just want you to know how good that pussy tastes and feels baby...pussy so fucking good...I love when you say don’t stop daddy, you know daddy ain’t stopping for nothing. Daddy got something long and thick for your ass…and I want that fat pussy in my mouth…”

The voicemail had ended two minutes ago but London was so frozen with shock that she couldn’t move enough to close her mouth. She finally removed the phone from her ear before checking to see that no one was watching. They couldn’t anyway because of the frosted glass doors but London wanted to be absolutely certain. Scooting back in her black Sterling Leather Executive Chair, London gathers the bottom of her skirt, bringing it up and around her waist. London brings her left hand down between her legs to pull the crotch of her panties to the side. She scoots to the edge of the chair so her pussy is sitting nice a plump for a perfect picture. Grabbing her cell phone, London activates her camera from her lock screen, turning it to selfie mode before aiming it as best as she could to achieve a good angle so he can see everything. London takes a few pictures, one with her lips sitting nice and fat and the other with her lips spread so that he can see how hard and poked out her clit is and how much of her creamy wetness spilled from her pussy. 

“There you go daddy,” London says before sending it off to Erik. She wasn’t happy at all that she had to leave for her meeting. London brings all the necessary material for the meeting before exiting her office for the conference room. When she entered the conference room, everyone was already in their usual spots so London quickly found hers near the front right across from the manager of CSOC, Linda Yeager. 

“Goodmorning, London, do you have the contingency plans packet for the meeting today?” 

London’s eyes swept over Linda’s appearance. Linda has her long strawberry blonde hair pulled back into a low ponytail and a navy blue women’s suit on with a white blouse underneath. Her veneer smile is wide and similar to that of a horse and her thin lips are painted red to bring out the heavy makeup look she went for today. 

“Yes,” London opens her portfolio, handing Linda the packet that she created yesterday, “I made sure that everyone received a new one before today.” 

“Excellent,” Linda stands from her seat before making her way to a podium situated in front of the conference room, “Okay...Good Morning everyone! I know today is going to be yet another stress-filled one but we all know this is a necessity,” Linda pulls out a laser pointer, aiming it at the presentation behind her, “Today we will be discussing contingency plans that the company will implement in case of a successful attack. Since cyber attackers are constantly using new tools and strategies, cyber security analysts, such as yourself, need to stay informed about the weapons out there to mount a strong defense.”

Linda went on and on for about an hour before everyone was dismissed to assist with clients to keep intruders, attackers or hackers out of networks in order to protect digital files and information systems against unauthorized access. London made it back to her office with a bottle of Fiji water, taking her seat again. Before she started any type of work, London grabs her phone from her desk drawer because she knew Erik had a response for what she sent him. Sure enough, he left her yet another voicemail. London prepared herself for a lustful ear full. 

“Baby...fuck...I just wanna eat that pussy up...I might have to come see you for lunch today...Goddamn...mmmhhh...you know eating pussy is my shit, right? Ima tear that creamy pussy up, girl...make love to that pussy with my fucking tongue...put that whole pussy in my mouth...mmmh…damn, I wish I could eat that...Look at the lips on this pretty motherfucker.. gawd dayum! I’d slurp the hell out of them lips...call me back...call me the fuck back, London.” 

London calls Erik back with no hesitation. She could feel her heartbeat in her throat almost with the amount of anticipation running through her veins. 

“London...can daddy come eat that suckable pussy for lunch?” That was his greeting as soon as he picked up. 

“In my car? baby, you know it’s an open lot...people will see,” London says with a sultry voice. 

“London... I’m tryna eat that pussy… you gon’ make me wait?” 

“I can try to get home sooner...that way, you can eat my pussy all day if you want to.” London’s tongue dragged across her upper lip, “it’s been a while, I know you miss this pretty pussy.” 

“Yeah?” Erik says, “All day baby?”

“Uh-huh, all day...any way you like…”

“That’s a mouth full of pussy ima need a lot of time to eat that shit up,” Erik chuckles, “I guess that will be dinner then, swallow all that pussy juice and slurp up that clit, yeah?” 

London ran her pink and white ombré acrylics through her copper hair. She could feel her clit poking against the crotch of her panties and her pierced nipples stiffen behind her silk top. She wanted Erik to suck on her nipples so damn bad that she thrust her chest forward like his wet mouth was wide open and waiting. London is a B cup so she could easily go without a bra. She wished she would have now because her nipples are rubbing against the silk of her shirt. They are so damn hard. 

“Ima be face first in that ass as soon as you walk through the door, London.” 

“I know, baby,” London spoke softly while using a single finger to circle her taut left pierced nipple. 

“Yes, sit that fat pussy on my face.” 

“Daddy, I gotta go,” London’s voice didn’t match her words. 

“Aight...just Gon’ leave me drooling all over myself until you get home, huh?” 

“I’m sorry, daddy.”

London knew Erik had to be fiending since they haven’t had sex in over two weeks. He would have another job lined up soon and from his words and the harsh, uneven sound of his voice, that told London everything she needed to know. Erik needed her. Part of it made London feel guilty because there were times when he would simply watch her masturbate in the tub. He would sit on the toilet after coming home from a job, his body just as tired. London would be in the jacuzzi whirlpool tub, her waterproof rabbit vibe going to town on her clit beneath the water. She didn’t mind him watching her, he didn’t even complain about her pleasuring herself instead of letting him do it. No, Erik would simply sit there with this sexy, devilish grin on his face, his eyes all low and seductive while they peered through the soapy water to take a look at how she worked that vibrator over her clit. 

That’s it baby..make that pussy cum

Mhm, good girl...you making that fat kitty cum, baby?

Then, there were the times he walked in on her riding her dildo in the shower with it mounted to the wall. These times she hadn’t expected him to be home so soon. His sudden appearance would make her feel timid to finish but Erik would insist that she continue because he really wanted to watch her. He would stand outside of the shower, his eyes focused on the way the dildo that’s an exact mold of his dick would slide in and out of her creamy pussy. The look on her face is so beautiful while she fucked herself. She just looks so helpless and useless with each stroke. Water mixed with her creamy mess would drizzle down her inner thighs with each stroke and it made his dick chub up real fast but he didn’t intervene. He knew he wasn’t around often to take care of his baby girl, she deserved to play in her pussy. 

You’re opening that pussy up beautifully, baby

Definitely A Greedy Pussy Indeed. I Love It. 

His words made her cum in an instant. 

________________________

[ Greetings Killmonger…..]

Erik heard the alert from his personal work computer all the way from the bathroom. He walked into his master bedroom with water still trickling from his body and a towel wrapped around his hips. His office was just in the other room where his laptop was located. He walked up to the laptop, tapped a series of keys and his Oracle message popped up in green letters with a black background that reminded him of the Matrix. 

“Oracle,” Erik spoke lazily before taking a seat at his desk, “another mission?”

 [Yes...do you accept the mission? ]

“...yes,” He says while stroking his goatee, “Lay out the details.” 

[ Russia’s ambassador to Turkey named Andrey G. Karlov is supposed to be attending an art exhibit two weeks from now on Monday in Ankara, the capital of Turkey. Your assignment is to get to him and kill him before he reaches the art exhibit. We can’t have any witnesses. This job will require special gear and technology. We will provide a black Ducati sports bike and you have a suite booked at the JW Marriott Hotel Ankara. If the mission is successful, 3.5 million will be wired to your offshore bank account in Belize. ]

“Sounds legit...send me all the information I need on Karlov along with my hotel and I’ll be ready.” 

[ Excellent. Happy killing Mr. Killmonger….]

His laptop screen blacked out which meant that whatever information that was previously mentioned would be deleted without a trace. Erik has two weeks to prepare for his next job. He trained all day to keep up with his skills. It’s never a good look to take too much relaxation time. Standing from his desk chair, Erik makes his way into his master bedroom to rub his body down with cocoa butter body oil and slip on a pair of lounge pants. The body oil softened and conditioned his body perfectly. He slipped on a pair of black joggers and walked to the bathroom to finish his facial routine. Erik believes in taking care of himself, in a balanced diet, and in a rigorous exercise routine. Erik applies an herb mint facial masque which he leaves on for ten minutes while he prepares the rest of his facial routine. After rinsing the mask, Erik applies a moisturizer, some under-eye balm to help alleviate the dark circles forming, then finally, he sets it with a protective lotion. 

Back within his bedroom, staring out at Midtown through one of his wide, ceiling to floor windows, Erik realizes that London couldn’t make it home earlier like she promised. After their call ended, Erik decided to train so he could clear his head. He did his usual routine that involves jackknife crunches, crucifix push-ups, single leg burpees, jumping lunges, and other workouts. Then, Erik trained a little in combat; your fighting skills can always be improved. To end it, Erik let off a few rounds from his new Smith & Wesson pistol with a crimson trace sight. Erik walks down the modern stairs that ended within a corridor. He made his way towards the kitchen, turning on the lights and opening the fridge. Grabbing a box of leftover egg foo young, he places it within the microwave for 2 minutes. The front entrance to the penthouse opened and from the surveillance cameras in the kitchen Erik can see London removing her pumps before walking barefoot further into the penthouse. 

“Hey, baby,” her silvery voice soothed his ears, “I’m sorry I didn’t make it home earlier, today was yet another busy day...what are you heating in the microwave?” 

“It’s okay, I figured you were tied up,” Erik opens the microwave, grabbing the hot takeout container filled with shrimp egg foo young smothered in extra gravy, “Some Chinese I never ate yesterday, you wanna share?” 

“Yes,” London places her black Louis Vuitton tote bag on the galaxy storm granite countertop of their kitchen island before taking a seat on one of the stools. She finger combed her blunt cut bouncy copper hair away from her face while Erik grabbed two forks for them and after that two water bottles. He sat across from her before passing her a fork. London hissed from how hot the food was against her tongue before blowing it rapidly.

“Mmm...I haven’t had egg foo young in so long,” she licked her fork before going for more. 

“How was work?” Erik asks between chewing his food.

“It was alright, I’m exhausted,” London rubs her neck with her free hand, “How was your day?”

“Productive, did some training most of the time. I got an alert from my Oracle for a new job.” 

“...oh, yeah?” London swallows her food, hoping that her eyes didn’t read disappointment, “I figured it would be happening soon. When is it?”

“Within the next two weeks. It’s a big job so I gotta do some research over the next few days…” Erik reaches across the counter to rub London’s chin, “Hey...it’s two weeks from now. You got me for two weeks before I go away.”

London played with a piece of egg with her fork, “I know...I just get really lonely when you’re not with me, daddy.” 

“You sure about that? Still using the dildo I bought you?” Erik gave London a lopsided grin. 

“I am...but there’s nothing like daddy’s dick,” London laughs, before yawning, “I didn’t get any sleep last night.” 

“If you weren’t watching me take a shower and rub down with my body oil you would have,” Erik teased. 

“It’s your damn fault, you’re so sexy,” London strokes a single vein on Erik’s left hand with her pink and white ombré acrylic nail. 

“You know what I want, right?” Erik drags his tongue across the corner of the inside of his mouth to catch some food, causing a single dimple to form in his other cheek.

“Yes, let me shower first and I’m all yours,” London takes one final piece of egg foo young before grabbing her tote bag, walking around the kitchen counter to kiss Erik’s lips before walking away. Erik finished off the food before trashing it. He drank his water before tossing the bottle in recycling. Upstairs now, London is already out of the shower, her naked body seen walking into her walk-in closet to find something to sleep in. Erik brushes his teeth before joining her in the walk-in closet. London is wearing a sheer babydoll with berry-red trimming. 

“I got you something,” Erik says while walking up behind her. He picked it up in Miami for her. Reaching inside one of London’s many drawers, he pulls out a Cartier box. Erik presses his crotch against London’s curvy backside while leaning over her shoulder. London watches him open the box to reveal a stunning 18k white gold necklace with 264 brilliant cut diamonds. London’s topaz eyes locked with Erik’s onyx ones. They twinkled and it made him smile. He grabs the necklace, opening the clasp before placing it around her neck. London touches it with her delicate fingers. Erik’s thick lips lightly kiss the baby-soft skin of her cheek. 

“You look good in diamonds, girl,” He whispers to her before kissing along her neck, “icy just like your daddy.” 

“Thank you, daddy,” London fought for oxygen when Erik’s hands began to lift the bottom of her baby doll up. 

“Come sit on daddy’s face,” His nose was in her hair smelling the strands. Erik strolled back to the bedroom, laying back on the bed. London follows him, crawling onto the bed between his wide legs before climbing onto his lap to straddle him reverse cowgirl. Erik lifts the bottom of the baby doll completely up and around her waist to reveal her dangling fat pussy from behind. He takes his thumb to rub her protruding clit and labia that sat stunningly between her fat pussy lips. Lifting his thumb away, a slimy string of her fluids connected with it. Erik sucks it off before grabbing London by her thighs, roughly scooting her back towards him so that her pussy hovered over his lips. 

“Mmm, I miss this fat pussy,” Erik brings his lips to her pussy. He starts off by placing soft, lingering kisses that caused her to let out little gasps. Erik continues kissing her outer lips until her hips start oscillating back and forth. 

“Calm down, girl, daddy got you,” Erik spreads her pussy lips to reveal her cotton candy pink center, “had me wishing I could eat this pussy all day and I finally got it in my face,” Erik’s tongue poked out and he delivered stiff licks around her protruding clit. Erik could see her pussy contract with each lick and a single stream of slippery lubrication drip down to her labia. Erik dragged his thick bottom lip up to catch the fluid before sucking her labia into his mouth. His eyes closed one at a time after he got a taste of what he hadn’t tasted in two weeks. That sweet puss. 

“Yes, daddy,” London’s toes curled, “Fuck, baybeee.” 

Her drippy pussy was evidence that it missed his tongue among other things. 

“Sweet, tasty, pussy...sit on my face, London...THAT'S it…yeah, baby,” he groans, “Yummy pussy,” He sounded out longingly with a deep, alluring voice.

Erik loved spreading London’s lips with his tongue and tasting the warm sweet juices from her pussy. He loves when she puts her pussy on his face and rides his tongue. The loud smacking sounds from his slurping and licking mixed with London’s quickening breaths were sounds unheard of in two weeks. The way she was dripping in his mouth she was ready for his big black dick but all Erik wanted to do was eat. Both holes honestly. Erik wets a finger with his spit before sticking it in London’s tight, virgin booty hole. He was gonna get in that tight ass one day but for now he simply pushed his thick finger inside. It was so tight that it sucked his finger in. 

“Oooh, shit,” Erik says while watching his finger stroke London’s booty hole, “That ass is tighter than a motherfucker...you gon’ let me get in that ass?”

“I don’t know, daddy...fuck,” London looks back at Erik while he finger fucked her booty hole, “Damn, daddy, oh, my God…”

“I said, you gon’ let me get in that ass with this fat fucking dick?”

“Daddy it’s too big-

“If you’re used to this you’ll be used to my dick in no time, baby...taking that shit beautifully,” He wraps his lips around her clit and starts sucking. 

“Oh my God, daddy, that’s my spot,” London started speaking in tongues, “Yes, baby, suck on my pussy…”

Erik brings a finger from his other hand to slip inside of London’s pussy. The soft, fleshy ridges of her walls massaged his finger. He found her G spot and started massaging it with the pad of his finger. Erik started loudly sucking on London’s pussy and licking it sloppy with a lot of spit in between. Each time he licked London could feel his tongue print still lingering. 

“I’m gonna cum,” London says when she could feel her entire body spasm, “Daddy I’m cumming.” 

Erik continued sucking her clit, fingering her creamy pussy, and fingering her tight ass. He was working the hell out of her pussy that London almost collapsed. 

“You’re making my pussy cum,” Her voice grew louder, “Oh my God!!!!!” London started throwing her ass back, fucking Erik’s fingers before she started leaking all over his face. Her milky white orgasm covered his facial hair and lips. 

“Yes, daddy,” London became overstimulated and lifted her body from Erik’s. She fell back on the bed beside him, stroking her hair from her sweaty face. 

“I’m not finished...you said I could have it all I want, right?” Erik spreads London’s thighs before leaning over her body with a hankering desire. His tongue wiggles all over her pussy with exhilarating speed that strokes her clit in the right spot. London’s hips began to lift off of the bed but Erik held her in place. After licking it a few more times he went right back to slurping her up but this time he did it with fervor. Each suck came with a deep grunt. He was enjoying the hell out of her pussy on his mouth. He had London screaming his name. Erik was telling her through every suck and lick that this was his pussy and that she better cum in his fucking mouth. 

“Unnffttt!!!!!” London moaned out repeatedly. She yanked Erik’s tapered dreads, “eat this fucking pussy,” London rolled her hips, driving her pussy in Erik’s mouth, “yesssss ima cum in your mouth so fucking hard keep doing that.” 

Erik started sucking on London’s clit while swiveling his head back and forth. He was loving that pussy. 

“Suck on my pussy...suck on my pussy...sucking on my pussy…” London’s mouth unhinges, “Oh, yes, right there, ooooohh, DON'T stop...Yep...right there, daddy, uh-huh...uh-huh...uh-huh...FUCK YES...you’re making your pussy cum...FUCK!”

London fisted Erik’s hair as she climaxed in his mouth. 

___________________

The next day, London awoke to the sound of her alarm at 7:00 AM. She turned it off, sitting up in bed. Blinking her tired eyes, London rubbed her inner thighs together, feeling her pussy juices gathering in a puddle. She’s still wet from the repeated head she received from Erik last night. He ate her pussy three times before she fell asleep next to him then he woke her up at 2:00 AM with her clit in his mouth again. Spreading her thighs, London could see that her clit is still stiff and her inner folds are still engorged with arousal. The bed shifted behind her and London turned to find Erik stretching his built arms above his head. He blinked at her with low eyes before giving her a lazy smile.

“Good morning, baby,” Erik spoke before yawning, “You’re leaving me again, Princess?” 

“Duty calls,” London stood from the bed giving Erik a tantalizing view of her slim-thick frame. She leaned over the bed to kiss Erik nice and gentle, “I’ll miss you.” 

“Stay home,” Erik looked up at her through his long lashes, “We got some making up to do, girl...I ain’t have that puss in two weeks...we got some making up to do.” 

“I know, I know,” London was pulled down into the bed with Erik, “Daddy-

“Hush, Princess,” Erik’s hand made its way between her thighs, “That fat puss is still wet.” 

“Umph,” London shielded her face in Erik’s neck. 

“Nah, look at what I’m doing...London,” Erik yanked her hair, forcing her to focus on him, “LOOK.” 

Her eyes widened at his barbaric tone. The rough edge made her shiver. London’s eyes watched as Erik used two fingers to rub her clit side to side. 

“Mhm, I got that puss,” He bites her jaw, causing her to squeal, “Damn, that clit stiff...you going to work and leaving daddy home to take care of this fat ass dick by himself? Hmm?”

“Erik,” She could feel herself leaking all over his hand, “Daddy stop...I gotta go to work...fuck,” Erik pushed three fingers inside of her, “Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.” 

“Princess, I plan on hitting this pussy from every angle imaginable,” Erik whispered to her before giving her sloppy kisses on her neck, “cum on my fingers, girl, you know you want to.” 

“Umph, Yes-

“I see you girl…FUCK,” Erik aggressively bites his bottom lip while he watched London cream his fingers, “Thats a good pussy, baby...such a good girl,” Erik’s fingers slip out to smack her pussy. London jumps from his lap while squeezing her thighs tight. 

“I’m gonna go take a sh-shower,” London lets out an unsteady breath while watching Erik suck her juices from his fingers. 

“Go ahead, Princess, I’ll see you in there.” 

London grabs her silk bonnet and shower cap before walking into the master bathroom. With her out of the room now, Erik grabs his cell to call London’s job. On the third ring, the receptionist picks up. 

“Thanks for calling, CSOC, this is Taylor Bianchi, how can I direct you?” 

“Hi, can I speak to Linda Yeager, please? This is Erik Stevens, a long time client of CSOC.” His eyes fall on London lathering up her soap sponge with her body wash. 

“Okay, I’ll transfer your call.”

The line clicks over and there is a brief pause before Erik could hear the phone being picked up and Linda clearing her throat. 

“Erik! How are you? Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, everything is fine...I’m calling about London...listen, I’m requesting that she has a few days off. She’s exhausted and London needs to rest her mind and her body. With her being Lead Analyst now it’s taken a heavy load on her.”

“I understand,” Linda sighs, “I wish she would have told me she needs time off, it’s never a problem. Of course, London can take however long she needs.” 

“Thank you, Linda, I’ll let her know her vacation starts today.” Erik hangs up his cell before tossing the silk duvet back. He takes off his black joggers before walking naked to the bathroom. London has just finished washing herself a second time and now she is rinsing off. Erik opens the glass shower door, stepping inside the steamy shower, “Finished without me?” 

“Sorry, baby, I have to go to work, I’m already gonna be late.”

“Nah,” Erik closes the shower door, “I called your job, you won’t be going to work for the rest of the week.” 

“Huh?” London says with a perplexed expression.

“I requested for you to be off. Linda said it was okay.” 

“Babe…” London blushes, “You did that for me?”

“You know I got you, Princess. We can use all this time to fuck as much as we want...and I’m gonna fuck you good,” Erik approaches her with a gait that had her week in the knees.

“Okay...it’s been a minute…” London was backed into a corner, “All I’ve known is my vibe and dildo…”

“Aww, I know,” Erik takes his thumbs to twirl her pierced nipples, “That’s why I gotta remind you how daddy does it...dig that pussy out.” 

Erik snatches London’s bonnet and shower cap from her head before picking her up, walking with her until their bodies are beneath the squared shower head. Erik’s long dick began to thicken up beneath her pussy. He stuck his tongue down her throat, kissing her roughly while gripping her ass. London braced herself by wrapping her arms around Erik’s shoulders. From her lips, Erik’s kisses were on her neck now right along with his teeth leaving marks. He was so hungry for her, not even a grizzly bear could stop him from getting all of London. 

“You want daddy to fuck you in this shower?” Erik sucked on her bottom lip. 

“Please, daddy, can you fuck me in the shower?”

“You know how to ask daddy for what you want...good girl,” Erik used a little force to push London’s back against the shower wall. She sucked in a sharp breath, before raising a single brow at him. He was being rough with her. 

“Being rough with me, daddy?” She questioned sweetly because she knew that drove him crazy, “It’s okay…I know you need this pussy.” 

“You’re fucking right,” Erik growled before his mouth made its way to her erect pierced nipples, “This pussy hasn’t stained my dick in two fucking weeks...that’s way too long for me, girl...you know daddy gotta have this pussy any fucking chance I get,” With one hand, Erik places it around London’s neck, “those eyes are so sexy, baby...you better look at me just like that when I fuck this pussy,” Erik grinds his dick up against London’s pussy, “and when I cum on that pretty face.” 

“Anything, daddy, just fuck me,” London tried grabbing his dick but Erik’s hand around her neck grew tighter.

“Is that how you ask for this fucking dick? Try again,” Erik spoke through clenched teeth. 

“Can daddy fuck my little pussy, please?” London asked with a pout of her lips. 

Erik smiles devilishly, “Yeah...daddy can fuck that little Princess pussy.” 

With short, heated gasps, London watched Erik grab hold of his dick with the hand that was around her neck, rubbing it back and forth over her clit. It didn’t matter how much water covered their bodies from head to toe, London’s pussy is still drenched with her slickness. Erik strokes his dick against London’s entrance before pushing in just the tip, purposely stopping so he could watch the helpless expression on her face. 

“Yeah,” he spoke smugly, “And that’s just the tip, baby,” Erik pushes in some more with just his hips, “Damn...clenching up already? You know how this dick can be,” Erik continues without stopping this time before licking away a single tear from her face, “you know daddy gets in there, ma...this shit ain’t new.” 

“Damn,” London hisses, “You got my pussy opened up, daddy.”

“And you got my dick tickling your cervix,” Erik pulls all the way to his wide tip before pushing back inside deeply, “Like how I pull it all the way out? Huh?”

London could only nod her head.

“I asked you a fucking question, Princess,” Erik does it again. His thick, long, curved dick pushed back inside. London’s pussy is so warm and wet that it made his ass cheeks clench. 

“What the fuck did I say?” He barked out.

“If I like the way you pull it all the way out,” London’s lower lip trembled between moans. 

“Pull what out?” He asked her with narrow eyes.

“This big ass dick,” London’s head extended back, “This shit is hitting the bottom of my pussy.”

“Mhm,” Erik angles London’s hips with both of his strong hands, “That’s what the fuck I’m talking about,” He picks up speed, London’s hips loudly smacking against his, “This what you kept from me?” 

“Yes!!” London’s eyes never left his, “God...you’re stretching me.”

Their tongues flicked wildly before Erik pressed his forehead against hers. He was still watching her, his hands moving her hips in a circle while he stroked her pussy long dick style. 

“Unfff, if you keep doing that- daddy, shit,” London pouts, “Daddy it’s deep.” 

Erik wasn’t listening, he was too busy moving her hips in a multitude of angels just so his dick could reach every single part of her pussy from her walls, to her cervix, to her G spot, and then her A spot. Warm, liquid leaked from her pussy and it made Erik smile handsomely at her. 

“I got this fat pussy squirting,” Erik starts banging London’s pussy out harder, “Ima make you do that shit again...UH-HUH…nut on this fucking dick.” 

With a silent scream and her feet nudging against Erik’s back from his forceful thrusts, London gave him exactly what he wanted. Erik’s dick left her pussy and he put her down. London has to brace the wall because her knees are wobbling.

“Get down on your knees and clean this daddy dick off.” 

London was on her knees, grabbing Erik’s balls with one hand while wrapping her plump lips around the tip of his dick with just the power of her jaw muscles. 

“You better suck it good too or I’ma tear that throat up,” Erik bites his bottom lip down at London. He runs his fingers through her loose curly strands, “feeding my pretty baby some dick...see? You needed that, right?”

“Mhm,” London hums whole slurping on Erik’s dick. She had to work extra hard since his dick hadn’t been in her mouth for two weeks. She worked her jaws overtime and her head moved in a circular motion. 

“You’re such a good girl,” Erik licks his lips before leaning over, spitting on his dick. He watched London lick and suck his saliva into her mouth. 

“You sucking this dick, girl, mm,” Erik shakes his head, “You want me to unload down your throat?”

London responded with puppy dog eyes and a harder suck. Erik thrusts his hips forward suddenly, causing London to gag. She removed her mouth from his dick to take a breath but Erik grabs a fist full of her wet hair, making her look at him, “Did I tell you to stop?! You know this dick is long, girl,” Erik slapped his dick against her cheek, “Open your fucking mouth, Princess.”

London opens wide and Erik didn’t waste anytime getting back inside. His head went back while he uses London’s mouth like a pussy and started fucking her throat. London’s nails clawed his thighs. 

“Told you I had something for little ass girls like you who keep running from dick...don’t stop eating that dick up, Princess.” 

“Mmm...mmmhmm,” London blinked away her growing tears, striving to finish until his cum was down her throat. 

“I need it nice and sloppy like this. Make a mess like the good girl you are. You look so sexy when you get nasty,” Erik says between London’s sucking, “Yes baby...mmmh...fuuuckkk...make it nasty, baby, that’s it,” Erik’s face fixed into a mug, “Ughhhhhh fuuuckkkkkk, don’t ever stop sucking baby girl, make daddy bust a nut...ughhhhhhh…yes, empty me...mmmm...here it comes baby... getting the job done just drain your daddy and you never have to worry about anything...FUCK YES,” Erik’s entire body spasmed out of control. He gripped the back of London’s head before erupting deep down her throat. London welcomes her gift graciously with a flickering tongue. It was a lot of cum, definitely overdue. 

“Good girl,” Erik says between ragged gasps. 

___________________

After their shower, London and Erik had a nice breakfast that Erik prepared. Veggie omelette, turkey sausage, and a side of shrimp with cheesy grits. London did a bit of yoga, something she hadn’t done in a long while. Erik cleaned up before joining London in their personal gym for a morning workout. Erik couldn’t keep his eyes off of London stretching her body. After taking yet another long shower, London and Erik lounged around well into the early afternoon in complete nudity. Erik was supposed to start his research for his new mission but that wasn’t going to happen with the way London’s nude body was calling him. They were sitting in the living room, laid back on their luxury leather sectional sofa, music playing from the installed surround sound system. 

London couldn’t keep her eyes off of Erik’s dick sitting heavy between his toned thighs. Unable to control the urge to slurp his thick pipe into her mouth, London leans over Erik’s lap, grabbing his dick in her hand, slapping it against her tongue, and then all in one motion, his dick was back in her mouth. London arched her back, her ass sitting high in the air now for Erik to reach over and slap whenever he felt like it. She massaged his nut sack while swallowing her man’s fat dick. He loved to see her with a mouth full of his meat. All he could do was simply shake his head at her. Before he needed to remind her, London’s topaz eyes connected with his and that’s when his dick swelled to cum inspiring proportions in her throat and unloaded a fat nut that she worked for. 

“There you go,” Erik studied the way his balls tightened, “Got my nuts tight, girl, get up here.” 

London climbed into Erik’s lap, squatting over him while bracing herself on the back of the couch. 

“Nah, fuck that, grab daddy’s dick and put it in that sweet little pussy so I can fuck the shit out of you.” 

London reaches between her legs, grabs Erik’s dick, and lines it up with her snug entrance. She gyrated her hips over him before lowering herself onto his third leg. 

“Mmmm,” She locked eyes with him, “Big-ass-dick.” She tells him, even though he already knew that. 

“Tight-ass-pussy,” Erik’s thick lips practically swallowed London's, the more he devoured her with his kisses. His saliva laden tongue battled for dominance in her mouth the more he kissed. London was like putty in his arms. London didn’t see it coming when Erik’s hips elevated from the couch to fuck her. His balls slapped her on the ass with each heavy, gut-filling stroke. Her thighs shook and her toes were beginning to sweat from the hot leather. 

“Oh, shit,” Her lower abdomen clenched, “It’s deep…”

“Move your hands,” Erik ordered when London’s hands came down to press against his thighs to try and slow him up, “Move your fucking hands, London.”

“Daddy, nooooo,” She whimpered.

“Shut that shit up,” He wrenched her hands away from his thighs, “grip my shoulders...that’s it, girl,” Erik went back to fucking the shit out of her wet pussy, “I got this pussy gushing all over me and you want me to stop? You better take this big black dick...all I wanna hear is you moaning and saying how much you love daddy’s big dick, nothing else,” Erik tore his eyes away for a second so he could watch her cream his dick, “I’m beating this pussy up...shut that crying up, London.” 

“Yessssss,” London chokes up, “Daddy, pleaseeee-

“Please? Please what?” Erik wrapped his arms around London’s body, holding her in place so he could work her pussy some more, “Please what? Huh?!”

“YES!!” London buried her face in the crook of Erik’s neck. She could feel a warm sensation overpower her body and then she froze. Erik’s dick was covered in her cream all the way down to his balls. 

“Just making a mess on me, huh?” Erik sucks on London’s neck, “Daddy likes that shit...come here,” Erik lifts her from his lap. He stood up with his dick dripping cum, turning London over and arching her back. 

“Mm-mm, keep that arch,” Erik strokes his messy pipe, “Push them shoulders down...good girl,” Erik slaps London’s clit a few times before he enters her with a long exhale, “Good fucking pussy...pass me my phone.” Erik barked out. London grabs Erik’s phone from her left before passing it to Erik, “You remember how we used to do it?” Erik opens up his camera, aiming it at London’s ass, “Bring that ass up, London, I’m not gonna tell you again.”

London was holding off on purpose because she knew how deep he can get in this position. 

“How is daddy supposed to beat this pussy the fuck up if you don’t listen?” Erik pumped London’s pussy full of his fat dick with just his hips while holding the phone steady so he can capture it perfectly, “Wait until you see this shit, ummmmm, baby...widen your legs London,” Erik pushes himself in all the way, causing London to cry out, “It’s okay, Princess, here,” He did it again, “beat this pussy up…look at me.”

London looks back at Erik through her messy hair. She wished she hadn’t. Just one look at him had her squirting on his dick.

“You make that shit look so damn good...I’m spreading that pussy, baby?” 

“Uh-huh-

“What else is daddy doing?” Erik smiles.

“Making my pussy feel good,” London smiles back before her face frowned with ecstasy. 

“That’s the face I like to see...you got my dick pulsating in this pussy...got this good dick up in you all you can do is cum...I like that...too big, baby?” 

She couldn’t respond but HELL YEAH. His dick damn near pushed her stomach out of her mouth in this position. 

“Daddy…” London said so low. 

“What?!” Erik asked while hammering London’s pussy. He angled the phone so that the length of his defined body could be in view while he stroked her. London’s cheeks clapped loudly and her moans damn near blew out the speakers of his phone, “this is mine and ima remind you any and everywhere,” London gripped his dick with her walls, “yeahhhhh, make daddy bust a nut!!!”

“Fuck me!!” London grabbed the back of the couch, “beat it up, daddy!!”

“Fuck,” Erik had to drop the phone. He was about to cream all in London’s sweet, tight pussy, “Look at this arch, girl, damn...you want me to really get in this puss.” 

Erik’s mouth unhinges and his eyelids flutter. He gave London two deep, long, and filling thrusts before cumming deep inside of her. Erik slapped her ass hard a few times before pulling his dick from her pussy. 

“Come suck this big dick up,” Erik said between heavy breathing. London was on her knees in a flash, grabbing Erik’s dick up in her hand before licking their mess off. Erik twirled London’s pierced nipple with one hand. He was thickening up again and all he wanted to do was bury himself back inside her tight, creamy pussy some more. 

@tgigoldie @soufcakmistress @chefjessypooh @chaneajoyyy @pananegra @theblulife @becincere @blaqwidow91 @fish-outta-watah @eyeknowmywrites @crowngold @njadakillthiscookie @blktinkerbell @luvanxi @sheisexcellent1 @chocolatedippedinhoney @brandithecrystalgem @dababydababydababydababy @soulfulbeauty19 @btitannaaa @sunkissedebony97 @youngblackndgifted @harleycativy @rbhp @thee-germanpeach @thadelightfulone @palmstreesallday @skylahb @bakaris-shorty-deactivated20200 @nizzle-mo @truglori @queenflaws @ljstraightnochaser @theegoldenchild @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @nickidub718 @vikkidc @thehomierobbstark  @abluesforlyssa @abeautifulmindexposed @fd-writes @chasingsunlight @sickaddiktions @munteanhore @xo-goldengirl @tiava143 @33kiara @honeytoffee @asiasblackworld727 @momobaby227 @informalmelancholy @soulshinechronicles @hearteyes-for-killmonger @goddessofthundathighs @soulfxll @whazzzupmyhitta @seyven89 @lahuttor @janelledarling @shewritestheblues @fanfangal @kreolemami @thoughtsoftheantagonist @luvwitoutlimit1 @mygirlrenee @hippiesandpeacesigns @alittlejd @jaysaidhi @thewaysheis--awkward @walkrightuptothesun @shawnstacksss @theesotericqueen @mareethequeen @browngirldominion @ceeverse @therealmrsrhodes @sensitivelegend @teheeboo @yomiloo @msreshel-blog @bbygirrll05 @fahi0nanart @afteracouplepuffss @shaelyn102 @yaminax-kuss-a @lackbbaby @amyhennessyhouse @thattruckinwitch @dameshaemonique  @glittermakesmesmile @justgetitoverwith0  @notavintagecliche @pariahcolored @cydneyrenee4 @ajjiiaaahhhh @naeelyniecee @ambthegamer @efonteno @mikesteel20 @wisenerdcreator @draggingstxns @eevolsidog @xoxomyaah @asweet-serendipity�� @therealmrsmbjordan @ajspencer1892​ @queengodiva619 @niqui87​ @quietpoeticheart​ @itsjustyazz​ @dasia21​ @woah-express​ @bbgiirrll​ @backandbetter2​ @megabriahall @forbeautyandlife​ @queenflaws​ @cecereads209​ @queenbetter​ @yomiloo​ @daddys-baby-girl-t​ @lovinthemelanin​ @ladymac82​ @ambitionwood @t3mporaa​ @toniilaney​ @iv0rysoap​ @sinfully-dope​ @lovehatecritique​ @chocolategirl605​ @naysianaee​ @nyleveeee​ @erlebnissebliss​ @melinaasap1​ @woahthatshitfat​ @that-chick212​ @scarypumkin23​ @sambuckyslayallday​ @vikki240401​ @kuaua98 @enigmadivine​ @gingerylimonte​ @counterfeit-recherche​ @unholyxcumbucket​ @xdezaraex​ @missgigglesmoultrie​ @imrootingforeveryoneblack @dashhoney25​

[blackcloverdatabase]

English Translation of Novel 3: Chapter 1 – Gold & Black - (Part 1 of 2)

Here’s the first half of chapter 1 from Book of Yuno! If the manga is killing you right now (it’s certainly killing me), please enjoy Yuno, Klaus, and Mimosa being very nervous and awkward as they collect information on a dangerous magic tool, the ‘Original Sin’. William also makes an appearance… and he’s also awkward. Honestly, the Golden Dawn is too much.

And on the ‘Black’ side, we have Yami and Asta, the exact antithesis of nervous and awkward. One could argue that they’re downright shameless.

--- Gold & Black: Part 1 ---

“……At last, it has begun.”

Klaus Lunettes, member of the Golden Dawn, said anxiously as he pushed up his glasses, his hand shaking with nervousness. Another member of the Golden Dawn, Mimosa Vermillion, took a deep breath. Her facial expression was uncharacteristically meek.

“Okay. I’m…… ready now……!”

Next to Mimosa flew Bell, a small spirit in the shape of a young girl, no larger than the width of a human hand. Their nervousness caused her to shudder.

“W-wait!? What are you so afraid of!? This isn��t such a big deal! If Yuno and I combine our powers, we can trounce any foe, no matter how strong they are!”

She was acting tough, but her voice somehow seemed smaller than usual. Even one of the Four Great Spirits, the wind spirit known as Sylph, was hesitating.

“……Bell, I told you to get in my breast pocket.”

The one who quietly said this to Bell was the boy she had chosen, Yuno. He held a four-leaf grimoire, not unlike the grimoire the first Wizard King was said to possess, and in just one year after joining the Golden Dawn, he has become one of the squad’s most celebrated knights. In short, he was a mage of prodigal talent. He slowly opened his eyes, quietly walking toward Klaus and Mimosa until he stood before them.

“You two should get ready, too…... they’re coming.”

The Golden Dawn - even within the Order of the Magic Knights, a group directly under the Wizard King’s supervision, it was considered to be an elite squad, where only the best of the best were allowed to belong. Their duties were incredibly diverse, but they were always rigorous to the extreme. The mission Yuno, Klaus, and Mimosa were just given promised to be quite rigorous as well. At worst, it could even make them lose their sanity. Though Yuno and the others have reached the verge of death many times now, their current assignment was so perilous, and, above all, special, that their minds were filled with anxiety. This mission was…...

“Um, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for gathering here today. I am the head of this estate, Ryde Virule.”

When a young man named Ryde used magic to augment his voice as he greeted the crowd, Yuno and the others stiffened. The venue for the party they were now attending was about twice as large the place where the conferment ceremony for the Magic Knights was held. The venue was teeming with women in dresses and men in suits. As he stood behind the podium on the upper floor of the venue, Ryde continued his greeting.

“Now then, the time has arrived, so let the party begin!”

That’s right. Yuno and his friends have infiltrated a party organized by a certain nobleman. However, this was no ordinary party……

“Everyone, I hope from the bottom of my heart that you will meet your destined partner here, tied together by the red string of fate!”

This was a matchmaking party. They were told to infiltrate this party and gather information from the nobles in attendance. Such is the task that was imposed on Yuno and the others. To do so, they must deepen their relationships with the other people here, at least, to some extent. In other words, they must spend their time talking about hobbies and work, the latest fashions, and even love stories with nobles and aristocrats they were completely unacquainted with, and they have to look like they’re having fun while doing so.

They were all excellent knights, but that doesn’t mean they excel at that kind of communication. Of course, none of them had any experience with matchmaking parties. In the first place, they don’t even have any experience talking to the opposite sex for that sort of thing. In other words, they were all so nervous that they wanted to throw up.

“……E-eek!? They all started moving!”

The men and women at the venue began to shuffle around, causing Mimosa to visibly tremble.

‘U-uh, what was it you’re supposed to do first? First… a-are we supposed to talk to the other person about their appearance, like their good points and their bad points!?’

Klaus was lost in his thoughts. Then, a girl whose cuteness reminded him of Mimosa suddenly spoke to him.

“Hey, you look nervous. You’ll go bald if you let yourself get too stressed out.”

‘This isn’t good. We’re only three seconds in and my heart is already pounding,’ Klaus thought.

“Calm down, Mimosa! Apparently, it’s perfectly acceptable to be a little rude here, too! F-first of all, delve into the occupation and hobbies of your partner, and find something that might be related to the thing we’re looking for!”

With that, Bell peeked out of Yuno’s chest pocket and joined the discussion with a whisper.

“But Klaus, what are you going to do if someone asks you the same thing!? Your hobby is architectural appreciation, right!? Are there really going to be any girls here interested in that!?”

“G-gh! T-that’s…!”

Stabbed by her words, Klaus grinded his teeth in frustration at his weak point on this mission – his niche hobbies. This caused Mimosa’s confusion to grow even further, making nervous noises as she sputtered,

“Aah, what do we do, what do we do……? T-then, what if we ask our partners what their annual income is!?”

“Don’t say that like you just had a good idea! That’s the last thing you should bring up the first time you meet someone!”

The discussion continued without progress. Glancing away from everyone else, Yuno sighed.

‘This doesn’t suit my character, and yet…...’

Though that was what Yuno was thinking, he refrained from saying it out loud.  They were assigned this task a few hours ago, and they only arrived at the venue a few minutes ago. This means they arrived here without formulating a strategy.

‘We’ll need to take some time to talk it through.’

Yuno turned toward his chaotically confused comrades and admonished them.

“……Please calm down. First, let’s go over the details of our mission.”

If you don’t know where you should go, it’s important to first trace back to where you started. This is the same routine Yuno has been doing since he was a child. Whenever he was lost, experiencing hardships, or feeling sad, if he thought about the oath he made as a child, he would feel as though those thoughts were pushing at his back, directing him to where he should go.

……Well, every time he thought about that oath, that guy’s optimistic smile came to mind, which would invariably cause Yuno to smile, too, so Yuno had to be careful.

That aside, Yuno thought back to when the four of them were assigned their current mission.

 --- A few hours ago, at the base of the Golden Dawn ---

 Yuno and the others stood side by side, having just been urgently summoned into the office. Klaus stood in front of them, repeating what their captain had told them.

“There are nobles trading away illegal magic tools…?”

Their captain, William Vangeance, who sat at his desk across from Klaus and the others, quietly tilted his head downward and replied,

“Yes, this has become apparent after an investigation done by your peers.”

He had his usual elegant smile, but the tone of his voice was a little more serious than usual.

“Well, it’s certainly not unusual for nobles to have secret dealings with each other. I wouldn’t go so far as saying that those secret dealings aren’t a problem, but it’s also usually not something the Magic Knights need to be dispatched to handle.”

“…But, this time, these ‘illegal magic tools’ are a problem?”

In response to Klaus’s question, Vangeance nodded his head as he continued,

“We’re still investigating for more details, but this magic tool, called the ‘Original Sin’, is shaped in the form of a grimoire. It explosively boosts its owner’s magical power, but it also makes them violent, before finally making their magical power spin out of control. Ultimately, it sounds like a dangerous tool.”

“Such a dangerous tool is…!?”

Klaus started thinking as he answered - To what extent does it increase the owner’s magical power? How long does it last? Once induced into violence, how much does the affected person’s personality change, and how do you turn them back to normal? There were many uncertainties, but one thing that was certain was that if such a thing were to fall into the wrong hands, it would become a significant threat. That was something they must prevent from happening.

Moreover, the annual festival for Magic Knights, the Star Festival, was fast approaching. If they make a huge achievement here, then they will earn themselves a large helping of stars. In other words, he’ll be able to show his loyalty to the captain. Feeling a greater sense of responsibility than usual while also hiding the sliver of excitement welling up in his chest, Klaus asked,

“So, Captain Vangeance, what is it that we should do?”

“Right. I’m sorry for springing this on you so suddenly, but, starting now, I would like you to infiltrate a party hosted by a certain nobleman.”

Saying this, Vangeance opened a cloth bag on his desk. Inside, it contained one lovely dress and two well-tailored tailcoat suits. It seemed that they were expected to wear these and infiltrate the party. Klaus took the bag and said,

“I see. So, the owner of this magic tool… the ‘Original Sin’, will be among the nobles attending this party. Or, is it that a transaction involving this tool will take place at the party?”

“You catch on quickly. That’s correct. I want you to investigate with both possibilities in mind.”

Vangeance reached into the drawer of his desk and pulled out a bundle of parchment.

“This contains a brief summary of the party, its sponsor, and its participants. This was only compiled recently, so I haven’t yet read the details, but please look at this on your way……. hm?”

With one glance at the data, Vangeance’s expression stiffened by just a little bit. It was a facial expression he didn’t normally show, causing Klaus to call out without delay,

“What’s wrong, Captain Vangeance?”

“Umm……. no, it’s fine. I just found out, but……”

It seemed as if he was being very careful with his words, which was incredibly unusual for him.

“The purpose behind this party is a little unique……. it’s a party where people with the same goal in mind gather together, or, how should I put it? This goal is rather specific…… Well, you’ll understand once you read the document.”

“Then, there’s no problem. We will look over it on our way there.”

“……Okay. I see. Then, there’s no problem.”

Vangeance said awkwardly as he handed the documents over to Klaus. Taking note of how uncomfortable he looked, Klaus sandwiched the documents under his arm and did a 3-leaf salute with his other hand.

“Well then, we’ll be on our way, Captain Vangeance! We’ll round up every single one of those ‘Original Sin’ tools, as well as every evil noble who’s distributing them!”

“Y-yes. I’m counting on you……”

“Yes sir!! We absolutely, positively won’t let you down!”

After such a formal(?) exchange of words, Vangeance, as if he were coming to terms with feelings of guilt, said so quietly that he was barely audible,

“……Um, if I find any Magic Knights who are free, then I’ll send them as reinforcements…… so, I hope you can forgive me.”

With those parting words, Klaus and the others left the office.

 --- And now, in the present ---

 “…………”

Klaus turned toward Yuno, whose eyes were closed in recollection, and said mild-mannerly,

“……How is it, Yuno? Were you able to make a breakthrough?”

Yuno slowly opened his eyes and stared at Klaus with an exceedingly calm expression as he said,

“Yes, I have reconfirmed that you, Klaus-senpai, in your rush for success, accepted this mission without properly confirming its contents. In other words, we are in this mess because of your mismanagement.”

“That’s no breakthrough, but I cannot deny the validity of your claim! I’m sorry! I didn’t think things would turn out like this!”

“Also, when you replied to Captain Vangeance at the end, I find it odd that you yelled ‘Yes sir!!’. A simple ‘yes’ would have been fine, so why did you raise your voice like that?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that! I was just brimming with fighting spirit! If you’re going to make me explain myself, then there’s your explanation!”

With that, Bell and Mimosa raised their hands at the same time, joining the conversation while Klaus pouted.

“While we’re on the subject, I thought it was odd when you said “absolutely, positively”! Why did you add “positively” to that!?”

“Also, this has been bothering me for a while, Klaus-san, but why are you only growing out the bangs on your left side! It’s so long that it flutters smoothly in the wind, but why!?”

“Don’t join in with Yuno! Plus, stop that! You’re making me embarrassed for all sorts of reasons!”  

Yuno smiled a little when they began their exchange with each other. With this, they’ve become a little less nervous. He left the bullying at that and started talking about his breakthrough. Well, it wasn’t so groundbreaking that it could be called a breakthrough, though.

“First of all, we should act as we usually do, just as you were doing just now. We’ll look out of place if we act that nervous, and if we get swallowed up by the atmosphere of this place, we won’t be able to fulfill our goal.”

“……You’re… right. Sorry. It seems that I misunderstood what our goal should be.”

Klaus scratched his head awkwardly as he continued,

“Our goal is to retrieve the ‘Original Sin’ and capture the culprit who has it. Getting close to someone and collecting information from them is just a means to an end. Getting nervous about a means to an end is like putting the cart before the horse.”

With Klaus’s words, Mimosa breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank goodness. I was seriously thinking that we would have to participate in this matchmaking party and get close to someone.”

‘If you were serious about this, you wouldn’t suddenly ask them what their annual income is…,’ Yuno thought as he said,

“That would be the best way to obtain information, but it’s not absolutely necessary. If it makes you that nervous, then you shouldn’t even bother. This document has all the information we need. Instead, I think we should watch for any suspicious figures.”

“That’s my Yuno! You said everything I wanted to say!!”

Bell said with smug face before suddenly pointing her finger at Klaus and Mimosa.

“Listen up, you two! For the time being, you should be inconspicuous while you keep your eyes peeled for any dangerous looking people! Got it? I repeat, you should be inconspi-Oomf!”

Before Bell could finish what she was saying, Yuno pushed Bell back into his pocket with his index finger. ‘You’re the one who stands out the most’, he thought.

Staying hidden as they watch the enemy… he was bothered by such a passive strategy, but there were too many uncertainties in this mission, such as the identity of the enemy and the true abilities of the ‘Original Sin’. With what little information they have, they should tread cautiously.

“……Hm?”

While he was looking around the venue, he noticed that one section of it had become very noisy. It seemed that someone was at the center table, where the food and alcohol were all lined up.

“UWOOOOOH! I’VE NEVER SEEN SOME OF THIS FOOD BEFORE!! IS IT ALRIGHT IF I EAT ALL OF THIS!? I MEAN, WHY HASN’T ANYONE ELSE EATEN THIS YET!? WHY!?”  

“Huh, you serious? This is Ryuuzencagula wine. I can drink as much of this rare shit as I want?”

The owners of those voices were a teenage boy and a large man. They seemed to be excited about the high quality of the food and alcohol. The nobles around them were staring at them while they either giggled and chuckled or backed away to put some distance between them.

“Hey lady, can I get a to-go box!? It doesn’t look like anyone else is gonna eat this, so I’ll bring the rest of this home!  Ha ha, it tastes so good that it’d be a shame to waste it~!”

“Can you bring as much of this wine as you have? What, you have a whole barrel? Hey~, you serious? What do you plan to do if I get drunk? This matchmaking party sure is sexy~”

Unbothered by all the eyes that were on them, the two of them continued to act in high spirits. In inverse proportion, Klaus and Yuno became increasingly pale. The owners of those voices were two people they were very familiar with. In other words, they sounded an awful lot like the captain of the worst squad in the Magic Knights, the Black Bulls, A.K.A. the God of Destruction, Yami Sukehiro, and Asta, an optimistic member of the same squad. For the second time that day, Klaus looked as if he was about to vomit.

“…..W-what? Yuno, when the captain said he would send us reinforcements……don’t tell me he…”

“It’s just our imagination. They must be someone else, and they just happen to resemble them. There must be nobles like that, too. Talk about shocking.”

Yuno spoke quickly. There was just no way. This was a mission where they weren’t supposed to stand out, so why were the two guys who stand out the most in the Magic Knights dispatched? No, if those two were the only knights available, then it’s possible, but…

“……Anyway, let’s not get involved with them. Even among the Black Bulls…… Captain Yami and Asta are the worst possible combination.”

“You’ve already admitted to knowing their names out loud, though!”

No, even Klaus was already aware. They’ll have to join Asta and Yami at some point, but right now is absolutely not the right time for that. They haven’t even found anything yet, so there was no way they could start working together with those guys.

“Let’s leave this area for now. There’s other rooms, so let’s split up and…… hm?”

Klaus looked around, realizing that Mimosa was gone. He had a bad feeling, so he turned toward the direction where Asta and Yami were making a ruckus, and,

“Huh~! It’s Asta-san and Captain Yami! I’m so glad! Being surrounded by all these people I didn’t know was making me feel so discouraged!”

Her smile was practically sparkling as she spoke with them.

‘HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!’

Klaus looked as if he was about to scream in anger, but it was already too late. Asta and Yami, who were dressed in tailcoat suits, had noticed her, and they were now talking to her.

“Oh, it’s Mimosa! You should try this meat! It’s delicious!”

“Ah, now that I think about it, you guys came here before us. So, who else is with ya?”

“Yuno-san and Klaus-san are over there! Let’s go talk to them together!”

“……..”

Yuno and Klaus silently exchanged glances with each other, both of them thinking the exact same thing. For now, it’s going to be impossible for them not to stand out.  

 “The enemy might be here, and yet you’re acting so stupid…... Just what are you thinking?”

Klaus said to Asta, pressing his temples as if he had just developed a migraine. They stood at a corner in the room where several tables and chairs were placed. They were too conspicuous in the main hall, so they relocated to this room, where Klaus explained their strategy to Asta and Yami in an attempt to rebuild it. Yami leaned back on his chair, speaking as if the whole thing had nothing to do with him,

“My bad, strait-laced glasses. But, it’s not like we meant any harm, so let it slide.”

“No way, you were making a racket with Asta, were you not!? While Asta was acting like that, you…...”

“……I was what, exactly?”

“……Ah, no, um……. sorry.”

Feeling threatened by Yami, Klaus reflexively apologized. It was power harassment from a superior. As a middle manager who also has had to deal with workplace harassment from his juniors… such troubles were something that Klaus became very well-acquainted with this year. Unaware of Klaus’s thoughts, the man who had just harassed him drank some wine as he said,

“Well, don’t worry, I’ll make sure not to stand out more than I already have. You all continue with that strategy of yours.”

Noting that Yami was once again acting as if it were someone else’s problem, Yuno leaned forward as he asked,

“Aren’t you going to take the lead, captain?”

“Nope. This time around, I don’t plan on movin’ all that much. If the higher-ups are always buttin’ in, that doesn’t leave any chance for newbies to grow. I’m sure Vangeance was thinkin’ the same thing.”

“…Is that so?”

Despite his casual reply, Yuno’s respect for Yami went up a bit. He doesn’t usually act like it, but a captain is still a captain. Yami, too, was thinking about how he can cultivate newcomers. While Yuno was admiring him in secret, Yami slowly stood up, carrying the wine he had just received from the waiter over his shoulder.  

“And so, I’m gonna go get drunk off my ass and take a walk through the garden or somethin’. Call me if anythin’ comes up. Ah, but don’t wake me up if I’m nappin’. I’ll send ya flyin’ if you do.”

With that, Yuno’s respect for Yami dropped back to where it was before. Actually, it dropped a little lower. Yami patted Asta’s head and started walking toward the exit.

“Well, see ya. Do your best while you’re rehabilitating, kid.”

“Yes sir! Be careful out there, Captain Yami!”

With that exchange of words, Klaus sighed heavily at the figure that so quickly left them behind.

“Goodness. Why did he even bother coming here, that man……?”

“Well, still, he’ll come help us if something happens. He’s always like that! More importantly……”

Asta slapped Yuno’s back with a wide smile on his face.

“It’s been awhile, Yuno! You’re acting as cool as usual, ya jerk!”

With a slight smile on his face, Yuno retorted,

“Shut up. That hurt. We saw each other at Kiten, so it hasn’t been that long. I see you’re still short.”

“Rejected right away!? Also, my height has nothing to do with this!”

“Come to think of it, Captain Yami mentioned something about you rehabilitating. Are you unwell? Is it your head?”

“What makes you say that!? It’s my arms! My arms! They were all bandaged up when we met at Kiten, remember!? They’re all healed now, but they were both totally messed up!”

“If only they could cure the rest of you.”

“Shut up! What’s will all the verbal abuse!?”

Klaus couldn’t help but laugh as he watched the two quarrel so happily. Mimosa also couldn’t help feeling warm and fuzzy inside as she mumbled “Asta-kun’s so sweet, so tiny…...”. It was a scene that Klaus should bring to a halt, but it had truly been a long time since the two of them were able to talk at their leisure. Klaus knew they were rivals, but, before that, they were practically like twin brothers to each other.  Nobody would blame him if he let them play around a bit more, he thought, but then something started fidgeting about in Yuno’s breast pocket.

‘……. That’s right. I forgot. There’s one person here who couldn’t read the atmosphere around her to save her life, even though she’s a wind spirit.’

“Wait a minute! Why are you chatting things up with my Yuno while completely ignoring me!”

Just as Klaus was expecting, Bell poked her face out of Yuno’s breast pocket and yelled at Asta, causing Asta to step back in surprise.

“Woah!? What the heck, wind spirit! I didn’t know you were here, too!”

“Of course I am! Yuno and I are always together! Isn’t that the first thing they teach you at school!? What kind of life have you been living if you don’t even know that!”

“Don’t say that as if its common knowledge! I’ve been enjoying a completely normal life!”

“……Bell, house. What will you do if someone sees you?”

This time, it was Yuno who stopped the war of words that was unfolding. Just after he stopped their argument with a sigh,

“……Yuno-san, aren’t those people over there acting strange?”

Mimosa gently tugged on Yuno’s sleeve and pointed to a corner of the room with her other hand. When he looked to where she was pointing, he could see about ten men trying to woo five young women. It wasn’t a particularly rare spectacle to see at a matchmaking party, but……

……No.

The rest of the men were being led by one rather rotund individual. Yuno could hear the exchange between him and the five young women.

“Considering that you’re all nobles from the backwoods, you lot have some nerve refusing an invitation from me, the next head of the Burlington family!”

“……Ah, no, um…… it’s not that we were… refusing you, but, um……”

“Then accept my invitation to my estate! I’m telling you that I’ll let you all visit my private room!”

Despite the fact his invitation was clearly in deviation of proper manners, the other partygoers around them pretended not see anything, and the waiters and waitresses hurriedly continued their duties without stopping them. The Burlington household. It was a name Yuno had never even heard of before, but it must be a name that holds some weight around here. Considering the circumstances surrounding their mission, it wouldn’t be good to stand out more than they already have, but……

Yuno asked Klaus as if the answer was already obvious,

“Klaus-senpai, I can go help them, right?”

“No way…… even if I were to say that, you would still go anyway, right? Asta’s here, too……”

Klaus sighed, but smiled in the next instant and said,

“Well, I don’t intend to turn a blind eye, either. However, please wait for a bit. We should think of a way to resolve things quiet-“

Before Klaus could finish, Asta rushed into fray with blazing speed.

“HEEEEY! You bastards! Those girls clearly don’t like you, so stop that!”

“Can’t you listen to what other people are saying before acting out!”

Asta managed to weave his way through the crowd. The fat man who lead the group shouted aggressively,

“What the hell, you bastard! Don’t you know you’re speaking to Zable Burlington!”

“I don’t care if your name is Zable or Cable! No matter who you are, trying to force a girl to go out with you when she doesn’t want to is wrong!”

“Oh? These girls don’t want to go out with me? So, they rejected me? I see! Then, it’s fair for me to say that they committed a heinous act of disrespect toward me, right!?”

Not understanding what was going on, Asta turned to look at the girls, only to see them shake their heads in denial, looking as if they were about to cry. He didn’t know anything about the circumstances of nobility, but he did understand that, right now, those girls’ circumstances were terrible.

Watching Asta fall silent, Zable’s mood became cheerful as he sneered,  

“So, which household are you from? You’ll have to atone for your rash remarks toward me…. Huh? Who are you, you bastard!?”

Klaus had arrived at the scene, coughing once to catch Zable’s attention before speaking,

“I apologize for my companion’s rude behavior. However, please leave it at that. This spectacle is starting to bother everyone here.”

Klaus chose his words carefully, trying to discourage his opponent without sounding contemptuous. As a result, Zable dialed back his arrogant attitude a little before responding,

“W-what’s with you? Are you trying to lecture me!? Tell me which household you’re from! Your household!”

“For reasons I cannot divulge here, I cannot tell you. However, it’s a household with quite a bit of status.”

‘I-I should say something, too!’ Thinking this, Mimosa stepped forward and said,

“T-that’s right! That’s right! Umm…… t-that’s right!”

“Mimosa, please, just stop. You don’t have to say anything,” Klaus said.

Yuno slowly lowered his gaze toward Mimosa. In truth, her household name probably easily surpasses Zable’s in terms of power, but there would be a big fuss if they revealed her name, which would impact their mission. He probably wouldn’t believe her, anyway.

Zable was a little bit frightened by Klaus’s firm attitude, but he scoffed in an attempt to hide that fact.

“Ha, ha ha! I bet your household isn’t all that big a deal, right!? That’s why you’re keeping your mouth shut, right!?”

With that, Yuno stepped forward with cold eyes.

“We can tell you once the party is over, but…. would you really be okay with that?”

Yuno made his bluff with a lowered voice and sharp eyes. When it came to applying silent pressure, Yuno was better than Klaus.

“The world of nobility is a vertically structured one. I’m sure you can figure out what happens…… when one with lower status attempts to snarl at those above him.”

“……Tch.”

Zable finally fell silent, making Yuno and Klaus confident in their victory. They were ready to say something like, “For now, let’s all pretend that none of this ever happened,” and leave things be, but…

“……What the hell? What the hell is up with you!? Why are you getting in my way again!!?”

“……Huh?”

“Why did bastards like you show up again!? I’m, I’m……!”

Yuno’s and Klaus’s mouths hung open at Zable’s incoherent words. His eyes became bloodshot, and he clenched his teeth so tightly that blood began to ooze from his mouth. There was no reason for him to be this agitated.

‘What’s wrong with this guy? Something weird is going on…...’

Sensing the strange atmosphere around him, one of Zable’s followers purposefully yelled loud enough for the rest of the venue to hear him,

“Z-Zable-sama! You were invited to play a game in the garden by a very important nobleman earlier, right? We have plenty of time, so why not check it out?”

“……Y-you’re right. You’re absolutely right. I have no time to waste on this lot!”

It appeared that Zable returned to normal. He turned around to leave, and, as he passed by Asta, said with a low voice,

“Hmph. That face of yours lacks character. I can tell that you, at least, are a nobleman of low status…… I won’t forget about your earlier rant.”

With those biting parting remarks, he took his followers and left the vicinity. Though he left behind such inflammatory words, Asta let him leave in peace. Seeing this, Klaus put his hand on his chest in relief, and Yuno karate chopped Asta’s head.

“Ouch! What are you doing!?”

“Don’t give me that. You shouldn’t just rush in without thinking.”

“I mean, I couldn’t just ignore what I was seeing! Still, you guys really helped me out! Thanks!”

“What’s with the mixed reaction? Are you angry or are you grateful? Pick one.”

“……Just leave it at that, you two. We’re already standing out, badly.”

Thinking that they’ve already stood out enough as is, Klaus decided to intervene. After seeing their exchange with Zable, the other party-goers have started avoiding Yuno and the others. It’s only natural. Nobody would willingly associate themselves with people who have earned the resentment of a noble with considerable political power. With this, it’s going to be difficult to collect information.

……. Well, that was bound happen. It was clear to Klaus when they joined with Asta that if he saw someone acting so blatantly terribly, Asta would be unable to ignore it and cause a fuss.

“Uh…… um, t-thank you very much!”

“Hm? Ah, you are…”

While Klaus was feeling dejected, the girls they saved came forward. A blonde girl stood in front, and, with flushed cheeks, said to Yuno,

“Apologies for the late introduction, but I’m Dina of the Habelot household. What’s your name?”

“Ah, I’m Yuno. Umm, my last name is……”

Yuno scratched his head, trying to decide on an alias. In that instant, something in his breast pocket began squirming about.

“Hey, don’t look at my Yuno with such amorous eyes!”

Bell leaped out of his pocket.

“H-hey! Bell!”

Seemingly unable to hear Yuno’s attempts to restrain her, Bell zipped around Dina, who stood dumbfounded.

“What’s with you, anyway!? Wearing a V-neck just because your boobs are kinda big! Plus, you’re wearing a pushup bra to give yourself more cleavage, aren’t you!? I have you all figured out, so……… Gasp!”

After going off for some time, she suddenly returned to her senses and stopped what she was saying. Then, with a stiff smile, she sputtered awkwardly,

“N-nice to meet you. I’m Bell…… I-I was on a diet to get ready for today’s party, and I went a little too far with it, so…… I became this tiny. Eh he he.”

‘What kind of excuse is that!?’ Everyone thought, realizing that their mission was done for. Of course, Dina, the girls behind her, and even the other nobles in the vicinity froze in complete and utter shock, thinking, ‘What the heck is that!?’. Everyone could feel that it was only a matter of time before their shock would turn into an uproar. Yuno alone remained calm. Looking at Bell like a parent looking at their child in disappointment, he picked her up by the nape of her neck and said,

“I’m sorry for startling you. This is my magic tool. Isn’t it amazing? It even talks.”

“M-magic tool!? Who’re you call-OOF!”

Yuno pinched a little harder with his fingertips, and Bell started moving her mouth like a toy.

“……Y-yes, that’s right. I am a magic tool. Yuno’s magic tool. A cute magic tool,” she said obediently.

“Y-yeah……”

The rest of Yuno’s group looked at each other’s faces in doubt, not finding his explanation particularly believable, but they knew that this was their only way out. After all, Bell’s true identity was just as unbelievable. Yuno took advantage of the situation and asked,

“I like collecting unusual magic tools like the one you see here. Do you know if there’s anyone at today’s party who’s knowledgeable about that sort of thing? If there is, I would like to talk to them."

Dina looked uncomfortable as she answered,

“There is, but…… this person is rather difficult to talk to.”

“……How so?”

“Stop putting on airs and answer his question already! You’re one of those types, right? You think that a man will be yours if you show off a little collarbone and expose your wrists and ankles? That kind of shallow thinking is-GAH!”

Yuno pinched a little harder again, impressed by how quickly this chatterbox spirit could talk. Watching the two of them, Dina couldn’t help but laugh before answering,

“One of the participants of today’s event is a famous collector of magic tools…… his name is Zable.”

“Zable? You mean that guy from earlier who was acting all self-important?”

Dina nodded in response to Asta’s question. Once again, she looked disgusted as she continued,

“Yes. Just recently, he was boasting about how he just obtained another rare magic tool.”

“…………….!”

Hearing this, Yuno and the others frowned as they exchanged glances. Now that she mentioned it, during the quarrel they had earlier, his words had become incoherent, and he suddenly started acting violent. Those were both symptoms of one who holds the ‘Original Sin’. It’s too quick to say for certain, but if a guy like that has the ‘Original Sin’, then there’s going to be trouble.

“What should we do? I’d love to go ask him about it, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to talk to us,” Asta said to Klaus.

“And guess whose fault that is! Anyway…… if you end up talking to Zable again, don’t say anything that might irritate him. We don’t know what could trigger him.”

Realizing just how dangerous their earlier exchange with Zable actually was, Klaus’s blood ran cold.

“Yeah, you have a point there……,” Asta agreed.

“We need someone to talk to him and get the details, someone he hasn’t met already……”

In other words……

“Ah…. I know! We can ask Captain Yami to talk to him!”

Mimosa piped up as if she just had a wonderful idea. Of course, Klaus had thought of this as well, but if they ask that guy to do it, then he’ll end up torturing the poor fellow rather than interrogating him…… However, they had no other options, so they’ll just have to prepare for the worst. Klaus sighed deeply before turning toward everyone to say,

“……Let’s search for Captain Yami. Though this makes me uneasy, we’ll have to ask the captain to listen to what Zable has to say.”

 “Shit……Shit…… to think I’d let people like that make a fool out of me……!!”

Zable stood in a garden on the east side of the mansion, cursing as he played his game. There were a variety of easy to use tools prepared for the game. Currently, Zable was playing a game called “Child’s Play”, a peacefully simple game where players manipulate life-sized wooden puppets with magic and have them compete in foot races and arm-wrestling contests. However, Zable was using his wooden figure to smash his opponent’s figure to pieces, so he wasn’t exactly playing the game by the book.

Incidentally, his opponents were a man and a woman who had been walking through the garden. They had a good atmosphere going on between them earlier, so Zable forced them to be his opponents and beat them down. He found it hysterical that the man looked as if he was about to cry. Even so, this wasn’t enough to dispel his melancholy.

“……..-ble-sama, Zable-sama.”

“…….Yeah?”

Zable noticed that one of his followers was calling out to him. Apparently, he had been calling his name many times now, but he never noticed. He sounded frightened, looking at the wooden puppet as he spoke,

“Um……I think you might be overdoing things, just a little…….”

“………..”

Looking at his opponent’s doll, he noted that its head was smashed, and both his doll’s and his opponent’s doll’s fists were crushed.

“……Ah, my bad, my bad. These dolls are just too weak, so I broke them. Let’s go.”

He waved his hand at his opponent, who hurriedly took the hand of the woman he was with and left. As he watched them leave, Zable put his hand on his chest. Right now…… there was a magic tool in the shape of grimoire inside him. Ever since he obtained this tool, he has become much more aggressive. Lately, he has felt as if the tool has been spurring him on.

Well, now he has much more magical power flowing through him thanks to this tool, so such trivial details are hardly a problem.

‘Besides, if I didn’t have this power, then I would once again be……’

“……Now then, let’s look for another opponent.”

Zable shook his head lightly as if to dispel his thoughts and looked around the garden. Doing so, he spotted a man sleeping on a bench not too far away. He was large man, about 30 years old, with an unshaven face. Noting the bottle of wine the man was holding under his arms as he slept, Zable figured that the matchmaking party must not have gone well for him, and the man was trying to sleep off his disappointment.

“……Perfect. Let’s take a short break, then we’ll make that old man our opponent.”

 — To be continued in Part 2—

As usual, I’ll post the second half of this chapter next week. The Golden Dawn is such a cute squad. They’re all so shy, and William felt so bad for sending them to a matchmaking party…..

I feel bad for Klaus, though, having his hobbies dissed like that. And then he was getting bullied by not only Yuno, but also Bell and Mimosa, and later, Yami. He and Marx need a support group.

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: Opportunity Knox and Cameo

We’re treated to something a bit special this episode! No, not the art and animation quality, as that’s…kinda weak this time. Or maybe I should say Brain is drawn and animated kinda nightmarishly in a lot of parts? Well, you’ll see.

No, the special thing about this episode is that it’s written by Tom Minton, the writer at Warner Brothers who was the original inspiration for The Brain! The general idea for Pinky and the Brain as characters and as a show came from Tom Ruegger having an office close by to Tom Minton and Eddie Fitzgerald, two writers and storyboard artists who he would often hear laughing and joking around together but usually couldn’t make out what exactly they were saying. Minton usually spoke low and quietly and was more introverted, while Fitzgerald was much more outgoing and loud…basically already like a cartoon come to life (Eddie actually did exclaim things like ‘Narf’ occasionally in reality, which was an aspect that was added to and exaggerated in Pinky’s character). The fact that these two guys who were viewed as total opposites by their colleagues were good friends and spent so much time working together in secret lead to everyone joking that they were secretly trying to take over the world.

That isn’t to say that Pinky and Brain are 100% cartoon copies of Eddie and Tom—our mouse duo definitely veered off into their own distinct personalities very quickly—but the basic bones of their characters came from these two real life men. That makes me wonder about how surreal it must have been for Tom Minton to write for episodes starring Pinky and the Brain. He only did so four times in Animaniacs (and Eddie Fitzgerald never directly worked on Animaniacs or Pinky and the Brain, to my knowledge).

In any case, let’s move on to the actual episode.

We open to a multitude of bubbling beakers of mysterious liquids and one scientist working alone at night in the Acme Labs. She sneezes a few times, and then exclaims that she’s only a few steps away from curing the common cold.

…Man, Acme Labs is a total shitshow when it comes to their work, aren’t they? In addition to all the blatantly cruel experiments on animals that they do, just look at how lax this scientist is about lab safety. I’ll give her props for at least wearing her lab coat properly and tying her long hair up, which is something most media usually gets wrong. The fact that she’s doing this medical experiment while not wearing gloves or proper eye protection or a mask is very troubling. Not to mention that she’s doing all this while being very sick, if her violent sneezes are anything to go by.

Hmm, that cage is looking suspiciously empty.

Well, well! Looks like our mousey duo is up to something.

“Ahehehehe, oh this is gonna be great, Brain! Narf!”

“Quiet, Pinky!”

OH LORD, SHE JUST CHUGS IT HERSELF! Lady, PLEASE! The fact that this “cure” is piss-coloured only makes it worse.

Sweetie, I think this needs more peer-reviewed, double-blind tests before you can truthfully say that you’ve made a cure for the common cold. You have no proper safety gear on and you’re doing this experiment all alone at night with no one to check up on you.

Oh no. Boys, what are you doing?

So they catapult some powdery substance on her and she goes into a more violent sneezing fit than before. She leaves the room to go “back to the drawing board”, but honestly I’m hoping that she just goes home and isolates herself for a while.

“Success, Pinky!”

“Egad, Brain, what is this stuff?!”

“A new strain of pollen I created myself, Pinky. It causes a temporary but uncontrollable fit of allergic sneezing in man.”

Pinky looks very disturbed by this (although I suppose it doesn’t help that Brain has that very smug and devious look on his face) until Brain says that the effect is temporary. It’s a nice little detail that shows us approximately where Pinky’s lines of morality are. Brain makes his own strain of pollen to cause humans to have severe sneezing fits? That’s amazing but horrifying! Oh, it’s only temporary? Well okay, then. It’s fine if it doesn’t cause any lasting harm.

“No human is immune.”

AAAAAAHHHHHHH! Holy fuck, show, don’t give me a jumpscare like that!

“Do you realize what we will do with this pollen, Pinky?”

“Umm… Open a boutique?”

GAH! I told you to stop doing that! Seriously, what’s up with the way Brain’s draw in this episode?

“Yes, that’s it. We’ll open a boutique and sell ladies’ clothing and pollen.”

“Egad, Brain, what fun! I like this idea, I do! Hehehahahaha!~”

Of course he would. Of course he’d like working in a more domestic setting and selling ladies’ clothing.

…Say, now that I think of it, I think this might be the first time we get a hint as to Pinky’s love of what’s stereotypically thought of as women’s clothing. Hmm.

BONK!

“Focus, Pinky, FOCUS!”

Brain, sweetie, not everyone goes into tunnel-visioned hyperfocus like you do.

“We shall do no less than go to Fort Knox, Kentucky: keeper of the nation’s gold supply. There, we will expose the guards to our pollen…”

Despite the general awkwardness of the animation this episode, I like the way Brain is drawn here from over the shoulder. Very nice work.

Also…”our” pollen? Brain, you made that yourself. I guess this is just another example of Brain subconsciously including Pinky in everything.

“…and while they’re sneezing uncontrollably, we’ll move into the vault and take the gold!”

Brain’s plan blueprints are such a treat. Gold! Gold! Gold!

“For he who controls this nation’s capital, controls the nation!”

Okay, this close-up is a little better.

“Off to Fort Knox!”

“Oh! Wait! But isn’t the nation’s capital in Washington, DC?”

BONK!

“Capital as in money, Pinky!”

Oh come on now, Brain. It was an easy mistake to make. Also “capital” in this instance can mean more than money if you want to get semantic about it.

Brain grabs Pinky’s tail to drag him away again. It’s a wonder that Pinky’s tail isn’t as kinked up and injured as Brain’s is by now.

Ooo, improvised tools time!

“But how are we gonna get to Fort Knox, Brain?”

“We’ll simply borrow one of the lab’s technological resources:”

“The minivan!”

Pinky, are you mildly swooning over Brain acquiring a minivan? I…

This does bring up a point I wanted to make, though. Sometimes fans will question why Pinky and Brain stay at Acme Labs despite being put through so much inhumane and humiliating bullshit. While it’s true that Brain doesn’t much like the experiments he’s subjected to (Pinky is…another story entirely), I’m pretty sure he keeps the labs as his home because it’s incredibly convenient for his world domination plans. These are ACME labs, after all, and regardless of how terrible the experiments are, Acme has access to just about every bit of technology in the Warner Brothers cartoon universe. Brain can find or order whatever parts he needs for his latest world domination plan whenever he wants, and no human bats an eye at mysterious bits and bobs showing up because, well, it’s Acme. Acme is in the business of doing absolutely everything. No matter what daytime tortures Brain goes through, the lab is an incredible asset to him, and he’d be foolish to give that up.

Hello again, Warner siblings! I hope you’re having fun tonight.

That’s an awfully tiny sack of pollen to take for this trip…

“Won’t we get in trouble, Brain?”

“’Get in trouble’? Pinky, we’re going to take over the world!”

I just like the tiny silhouettes in this screencap.

“Besides, we’ll have the van back here by 8 am.”

“Oh! All right, then!”

[Quickly googles how long it would take to drive from Burbank California to Fort Knox]

…Are you sure about that, Brain? Are you really, positively sure?

Oh my goodness, a little winch and pulley system! That’s a little convoluted, but it’s adorable.

“Oi! Nice threads, Brain! But, err, why the disguise?”

“If we are to succeed in our mission, I must pass for an average, non-descript motorist, Pinky.”

I agree, Pinky. Brain always looks good in a suit.

Also he’s on a literal soap box, holy shit.

“So while we’re driving, call me Mr. Perkins.”

A trillby?!? Put it back! Putitbackputitbackputitback!

“Say no more! Brilliant, Brain!”

“Mr. Perkins.”

Oh no, he’s threatening to punch the audience now!

“Ooo, right, right. Narf! Heh, Mr. Per-kins.~”

“Pinky, start your engine!”

So Pinky tugs on a rope tied to the car keys to start the minivan, and I bet we can all already tell that he’s going to be doing most of the hard work for this roadtrip.

“Now depress the brake!”

I half expected a joke here where Pinky would say depressing things to the brake, but that didn’t happen. It’s just as well, I suppose. Pinky’s not usually the type to be mean to anyone or anything.

Instead, he pushes himself into the brake.

This made me curious about how strong real mice are. According to this scientific article, the average mouse can lift approximately 70 g in weight.That’s not a lot compared to us humans, of course, but seeing as the average weight of the common house mouse is 19 g (and common wood mice are on average 23 g), that’s really impressive! Still, for Pinky to be able to depress the brake is quite a feat that’s worlds beyond what the average real-life mouse can do.

Yes, yes, I know. It’s all cartoon logic and physics. That’s not going to stop me from having the headcanon that Pinky and the Brain have both been modified so much by Acme Labs that in addition to becoming sapient and intelligent, they’re basically little mouse superheroes in strength, too.

“Yes! Now I’ll shift the transmission into gear and…you give it the gas!”

Man, Pinky just slams his entire body onto the gas pedal with all his mousey might! You can hear him physically strain against it. Well done, Mr. Paulsen!

“Now Pinky, let us, in the vernacular, ‘take this hog out on the road and see who’s boss’!”

Oh lord, Brain’s on a slight power trip just from being able to drive a vehicle. If he ever does rule over the world one day, I fear he may explode from the sheer ego-high of it.

Anyway, on the way to Fort Knox they get stuck behind a rather slow transport truck. Well, Brain can’t have that! He’s got to get back to the lab by 8 am after all!

“Pinky! Prepare to pass a slow-moving vehicle!”

“Righty-o, Brain!”

Again, Pinky, I’m pretty sure you really aren’t supposed to stick your ass and chest out while saluting. You’re supposed to keep your posture straight.

…What am I saying? Pinky can’t do anything straight.

“Call me Mr. Perkins! Activate left turn indicator now.”

Aww, a little hop!~

Unfortunately it’s the wrong lever.

“…Let’s try that again, Pinky.”

“Narf! Wrong switch.”

He sits down to think and of course he gets it right that way.

Anyone else enjoying a lesson on how to drive from Pinky and the Brain? No? Just me? I mean, I already know how, but this is super cute.

“Exemplary work, Pinky!”

Brain, he just…he just pulled a switch. By accident. The fact that he’s so sincere about complimenting him for this is very cute but also very odd. I guess Brain’s in a good mood tonight.

“But we’re slowing down. Quickly, step on the gas!”

“Gas, check!”

Pinky, no!

Oh lord, he just lets himself fall directly on the gas pedal. You okay there, dude?

“Maintain pedal pressure, Pinky!”

I don’t think he has much of a choice, Brain.

So they get beside the freight truck and the driver of it picks up his CB radio mic.

“Hey, breaker breaker one nine, this here’s Big Red. Eh…what’s your handle, good buddy? Over.”

“The name’s Perkins. MISTER Perkins. Just an average, non-descript motorist.”

Wh—Why is there a CB radio installed in the Acme Lab minivan?

Pinky chooses this moment to lift himself off the gas pedal and then jump back on it in a weirdly showy, semi-acrobatic way. The first screencap has the tip of his tail almost in the shape of a heart, so I had to include it.

Our duo pass by the freight truck. Needless to say, the truck driver is still pretty rattled by his run-in with “Mr. Perkins”.

“I gotta quit eatin’ them double onion chili dogs!…”

Usually people just run with it on this show, but this is one of those rare moments where a human being doesn’t inexplicably fall for one of Brain’s horrible human disguises.

The minivan’s grill looks like teeth here and it’s almost menacing.

Uh oh, Brain’s getting dozy.

“Pinky…I’m in need of some music to keep myself raptly alert. And use the cruise control this time so we don’t lose speed!”

I don’t know why I’m so charmed by Pinky pressing the cruise control button like this, but it’s very cute.

“Cruise control on, Br—aaaerr—umm, Mr. Perkins!”

He is trying his best. :3c

“[yawn] Stellar, Pinky. Now see if you can locate a local radio station frequency.”

“Narf! Wrong knob…”

Smacking the hell out of the right knob make the radio explode into a loud yet incredibly mild generic rock tune. I’m surprised Pinky’s so alarmed. I wonder if Brain—

JEEZUS FUCK! You gotta stop giving me a heart attack with these sudden messed up close-ups of Brain, episode!

“Turn off the radio, Pinky!”

“Heeey! This knob’s loose!”

Aaaand there he goes.

“Oohoo ahaha! What’d’ya know? The lighter works!”

I wonder if Pinky knows what that’s actually for at this point, considering his utter disdain for smoking later in the spin-off?

“The radio, Pinky!”

“Ooo, right. Almost forgot!”

Uh oh.

“Whew. Suddenly I feel downright feverish, I do…”

Pinky has become a Charmander, and he’s not happy about it.

So he’s screaming and shouting his verbal tics all over the place and what’s Brain’s reaction?

“There’s no need for you to entertain me personally, Pinky. I’m quite awake now.”

BRAIN! You wipe that smug smile off your face right now, you little jerk! I know Pinky will be okay because he always is, but still.

One screen wipe later…

“Kentucky, Pinky! We made it!”

“All right, Brain!”

“Mister PERKINS!”

Brain, I think Pinky’s just not into this roleplay tonight. Or it might be your trillby. Lose the damn trillby.

“Fort Knox is mere miles away. Nothing can stop us now!”

Well, looks like you jinxed yourself.

I’ve got no love for cops, but his “what the fuck” expression here is choice.

“Good evening, officer. Was I exceeding the speed limit?”

“By about a hundred miles an hour.”

Oh, is that all? They’d need to be over by, like, a thousand or so miles an hour to make as good of a time as they did getting here.

Maybe this guy is going to arrest them for breaking the laws of time and space.

“I’m sorry, y’see—“

Shining a flashlight directly into your eyes? Yup, this is definitely a cop.

“I’m Mr. Perkins, an average, non-descript—“

“Can I see your license and registration, please?”

And then Pinky immediately interrupts the shakedown with a happy, matter-of-fact “We don’t have any! Zort! :D” and now my mind wanders off into let’s-overanalyze-the-shit-out-of-this-joke-scene territory because… Look at this. A cop pulls over a vehicle from Acme Labs doing about a hundred miles over the speed limit and finds Brain, a mouse in a suit trying to pass as a human driver. Then Pinky, who is dressed in no such disguise because why would Brain ever think of an obviously important detail ever in one of his plans, pops up to say that they don’t have a driver’s license.

…So what does this scene look like at this point from the cop’s perspective? Besides the very rare outlier like the truck driver from before, humans usually take Brain’s word for it that he’s also human, no matter how shoddy his disguise is. There are a few possibilities here, and I honestly can’t decide which is funniest:

1.      The cop can see through Brain’s poor disguise just like the truck driver from earlier can, and knows that these are actually two mice that have stolen a truck and have been speeding down the highway with it.

2.      The cop thinks Brain is a very odd-looking human without a driver’s license who’s been driving down the highway at insane speeds with his loose pet talking mouse by his side.

3.      The cop believes that Brain really is an odd-looking human who has no license and has been wildly speeding down the highway and also there’s an equally odd-looking human man with him who is stark naked for some mysterious reason.

I’ll let you decide which one is the most likely canon scenario as we continue as Brain tries to clear up this scenario.

“If you must know, we are two lab mice out to control the world by seizing its gold assets. But when we assume power, rest assured our budget will result in substantial new funding for law enforcement.”

…

Leave it to Brain to truthfully spell out his global domination intentions for no good reason and then lie his little mousey ass off to try and bribe his way out of going to jail.

Also, again, it’s “when we assume power” and not “when I assume power”. Hmm.

“…Oh.”

“Bwuhyuube… Be--best be on your way, then.”

“Thank you, officer.”

I’d say I was surprised that white privilege extends even to white lab mice here but…that would be a lie.

“Oh man, I do miss them witless teenage speed demons…”

So they finally make it to Fort Knox.

…And I guess the Warner siblings do, too!

The two mice have parked on a hill overlooking their target and gosh Brain, you’re looking extra pudgy here.

“It’s time to make our move, Pinky.”

Judging by the look on his face here, I think Pinky just noticed how thicc Brain’s behind has suddenly gotten.

Nevertheless, they begin their pollen assault on the guards.

Finally, the moment has arrived!

Brain’s head is shaped like a football and is almost as wide as Pinky is tall here, but besides that this is a cool shot.

This bit was also used in the spin-off’s theme for some reason, but now it will forever remind me of the absolute chaotic laughter that erupted when I got some friends to sit down and watch an episode of PatB. The stream decided to stop on this specific shot for buffering and they all just lost it. Most of the reaction was through voice on Discord, but luckily there were some friends using text chat too:

I live for moments like these when we’re streaming shows and movies.

“Egad! This is even better than a Ducktales episode, Brain!”

That’s pretty high praise, Pinky. I love the shadowing done on him here as well.

“Pinky… Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“Wha—I think so, Brain, but balancing a family and a career? Oof, it’s all too much for me!”

Pinky did…did you see all this gold and immediately begin envisioning yourself using the money to settle down and start a family?!? And so far in this series you aren’t dating anyone and you probably don’t even know anyone besides Brain and…

Okay, listen, I know it’s established later on that Pinky has wishes and daydreams about having a very domestic life, culminating in that one “Somewhere That’s Green” parody fantasy where he and Brain live together like a 50s couple in the Elmyra spin-off but… But…!

Well, you’ll kind of get a family along with your world domination “career” in a few years, Pinky. It’s probably not going to be quite how you envisioned it, though.

“The gold, Pinky! It’s all ours. Let’s move it out!”

Umm…

“One…two…three…and lift!”

I just realized that out of context the poses and faces in this screencap could look, uhh, questionable. But will that stop me from sharing it? No.

“I believe my plan has a…fatal flaw…”

About 27.4 pounds worth of a fatal flaw. You two might have super strength in comparison to other mice, but it looks like you both have a hard limit.

“I am in intense pain, Pinky.”

“Ditto, Brain. Zort!”

Well, okay, I guess it’s good that you are both cartoons, then. You boys should be able to shrug this off pretty quickly, especially Pinky.

OH GOD!

Is this what all those nightmarish close-ups of Brain were preparing me for?!?

“Fear not, Pinky, for the unwieldy atomic weight of gold will not thwart us tomorrow night.”

“Why? What are we doing tomorrow night, Brain?”

“The same thing we do every night, Pinky… Try to take over the world!”

You know, most cartoons would settle for them just being covered in bandages. Not Animaniacs, though. In Animaniacs were have to know that their removal from under the gold bar was so difficult and painful that fur was pulled out and they were left with bare, raw patches of skin. T-thanks, Warner Brothers?

Let’s end with a somewhat longer cameo appearance, as I suspect at this point Tumblr will have another fit if I try to combine two full episodes again.

The very next episode of Animaniacs has a skit called Hercule Yakko, which is a vague parody of Hercule Poirot mysteries. We get a good handful of cameos from the stars of other Animaniacs skits as passengers on a luxury cruise boat on the Nile.

The basic premise is that the Marita, one of the Hip Hippos, awakens in the middle of the night to find her comically large diamond necklace missing. The Warner siblings are a detective team who happen to also be onboard the ship and offer to help the hippo couple find it.

Before you ask, yes, this is the same episode as the infamous “fingerprints” joke.

Eventually the Warner siblings begin to go around knocking on the doors of the other passengers’ rooms to ask questions. They come across Slappy Squirrel first, who knows nothing about the missing diamond and just wants to be left alone to sleep. Then they meet Minerva Mink and, well, you can guess how that went. Then Yakko knocks on the last door.

“YES?”

Smol.

Look at them in their matching lederhosen! That’s absolutely adorable. Bravo to whichever of the mice had the idea for these “disguises”.

“Did you steal a big diamond?”

“No. We are Swiss hikers on holiday.”

Okay so maybe I’ll deduct a few points for wearing lederhosen, which is more associated with Bavaria and Germany, but claiming to be Swiss. Not that people in Switzerland didn’t also wear it, but you’d probably want to make your cover story as unsuspicious as possible, right? And that’s not even going into the idea of wearing a garment made from leather in hot, hot Egypt. These mice must be drenched in sweat…

“Look at me, Brain! I’m Heidi! Yodelehe-NARF!~”

Well at least someone in this duo is trying his best to reference things from Switzerland.

…Brain is the one that fucked up the lederhosen cultural background thing, isn’t he? Goddammit, Brain.

He just bonks the hell outta Pinky and silently slams the door in Yakko’s face.

After briefly talking with Marita, Yakko exclaims that he knows where the diamond is and asks that everyone assemble together in the state room. And so they do!

Aww, they’re sharing a chair because they are so, so tiny. :3c

“You’re probably all wondering why I called you here!”

“To reveal the thief?!?” says everyone in unison.

Minerva, you’re looking kind of weird in that second pic.

“No. It’s because you can’t play charades with three people.”

“That’s it! I’m goin’ back to bed.”

“So am I. I didn’t take the diamond!”

Man, Minerva really got a raw deal in the 90s. She only has two episode skits of her own and makes a few tiny cameos elsewhere, like in this one. I get that she was put on the back-burner as a character because her skits were considered “too suggestive”—and to be honest they were a bit over the top—but there are certainly ways that you can write a character who uses their sex appeal for comedic effect without it being disrespectful. It’s a shame they never tried to tweak the tone of her episodes just a tad.

But anyway, mice!

Brain is looking at Minerva with…worry? Concern? Confusion? Which is a very atypical reaction to Minerva. Gee, I wonder why.

Pinky is Looking Respectfully.

I’m never going to get over how cute they look in these outfits.

“I also am innocent.”

“Umm… I may have done it! I walk in my sleep, you know.”

Pinky, sweetie, I know you’re trying in your own odd little way to help but there’s no way you’d be able to carry a diamond of that size.

BONK!

This is the very last clear shot that the mice are in and it’s not very significant but I liked the angle of it.

Oh, you’re asking who took the diamond? No one did. The diamond was lodged in Marita’s butt fat the entire time. It’s the typical style of “humour” from skits with the Hip Hippos. Now you all know why no one is clamouring for their return in the reboot.

That’s it for this post, though. I should have the next episode that I promised would go with this one up in a day or two.

See you next time, folks, when we go off to the races!

[milanosbitch]

rec list for endhawks gems

as usual during this quarantine, i went through a challenging quest, searched through every single fic on ao3 about a single ship and made a rec list, ended up with around 25 works out of 630. nearly all of them should be free of explicit, problematic and triggering content besides one or two in the mature content sense. and i’ll note those down separately but i always suggest reading the tags before starting a fic regardless the rating, just so you know what you’re diving into. furthermore, there’s this author note at the end of a fic that i’ve found which pretty much sums up my feelings about a mess that’s called todoroki friggin’ enji:

“ I love Hawks and Endeavor together. They're a great dynamic, whether it's platonic or not. I'm a pretty open guy when it comes to shipping, and me and a certain lilviathan love going back and forth with dumb ideas about them.

And that's kind of where the contradictory feelings for the Flaming Garbage Man that is Endeavor kind of come from? Because I really do think he's a very interesting and well-developed character, but I also have a very strong urge to stab him at any given time.

I want to make his life miserable and hurt him, but I also want someone to sit him down and tell him that while he owes his family an apology, they do not owe him forgiveness. I want to see him grow. I want to see him face the repercussions of his actions and move forward. ”

—by Canarianyellow on archiveofourown.org

last notes; starred ones are my personal favorites, and i'm adding to this list as i go,, so look out for updates!! you can find a better formatted version of this list here on google docs.

that being said, here are the gems i found on a yet another holy quest:

Walk Alone by adastrad*

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 3.6K

Summary: You've lost your wings, you've lost your speed, and in the crowd ahead, you've lost him too. How do you know what name to call out when you don't even know what to call yourself?

as usual, kick-starting the list with one of the first fics i’ve read about them. we have some pretty good angst related to the latest manga chapters in our hands and a fascinating second person pov here. the ‘stream of consciousness’ style of wording kicks you right in the ribs, in a good way.

&&.

It's Cold, I Don't Want To Be Lonely

by onlyatitagain

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 3.7K

Summary: When in the presence of Todoroki Enji, it was easy to feel warm and overwhelmed by heat in more ways than just physical. Hawks was very aware of the fire burning in his heart that roared to life whenever he was with his childhood hero, who was now his best friend. The relationship they had was special in the way of how close they had become, Hawks trusted the number one hero with his life and could always count on him no matter the circumstance.

What would happen if he said something and ruined that trust, the friendship they had built over months of knowing each other?

You should never play with fire, unless you want to get burned.

truly a beautiful hurt/comfort fic. enji’s characterization is gentle and might feel slightly OOC, but give it a chance. there is also some pretty cheesy couple stuff at the end and that might not be your cup of tea, just a heads up.

&&.

Fallen by copper_leaf**

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 7.3K

Summary: Hawks’ attempt to infiltrate the League goes wrong.

Enji is the one he turns to.

both its part one and part two, this series can take my soul. literally 7K of sheer hurt/comfort, and a caring enji. hawks’ eyeliner is probably ruined by now. can i say this is probably the best fic i’ve read about them softness-wise? i can.

&&.

Burning Embers by copper_leaf**

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 6K

Summary: Hawks wakes up, wingless, in Enji's arms.

the continuation of the fic above, here’s more content that will make you feel all mushy. a beautiful excerpt from it:

“It’s a flicker of light in the darkness, the last ember left in the heart that still has the power to bring all else to flame.”

&&.

The Bird Who Swallowed a Star*

by angyhawks (Soll)

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 4.5K

Summary: Endeavor remembers Hawks' small hands, how they didn't burn as he danced on his palms.

How Hawks had whispered sweet nothing into his flames, words not important as his lips moved and his voice chirped.

He remember Hawks finding him, small and spent, and gifting him a feather to feed on.

Endeavor wishes a feather had been his only offer.

//in which Endeavor is a fire demon, Hawks is once again tied to the ground, and wouldn't it be nice if they could kiss?

&&.

Light by Caahs*

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 2.1K

Summary: Since he was a boy, Hawks gathered an eternal distaste for darkness, which was preserved until his most recent days. However, the blazing figure of Endeavor always came up like his warm source of light, illuminating the most obscure paths and clarifying the most difficult decisions.

&&.

Emotions Are Hard, Love Even More So...

by aurora_whitlock

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 4.4K

Summary: Hawks and Endeavour at the end of a long week. Alone. Together. Its just some cute, fluffy bullshit basically. Warm your hurt little hearts.

&&.

Cuff me to the truth of failure

by Not_A_Valid_Opinion

Rating: Gen

Word Count: 3.4K

Summary: The kid’s eyes are so wide, Hawks can see the entire silhouette of his wings in their reflection. “I want to be you.”

Shit.

“No, you don’t, kid,” he can’t help but promise, can’t stop the sadness in his eyes from flickering into view.

Hawks has dinner with Enji after a bad interview.

&&.

Look at what amounts from the jump

(and I'm never coming down) by

Not_A_Valid_Opinion

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 3K

Summary: He stares at Endeavour with something close to regret, maybe closer to suspicion, but before Endeavour can catch the look it’s gone and replaced with a pursed lip and a glance at his phone. “I’ve gotta go. See you around, Enji.”

But the burly man stops him with his name. “Watch where you’re flying,” he says gruffly, though it’s different. It’s not an order. It’s not a request.

Whatever it is, Hawks takes it as a challenge.

Endeavour is worried about Hawks. Hawks doesn't know what to do with that information.

&&.

You mesmerise me in red and gold

by Arayne

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 4.2K

Summary: Enji has never gotten to tell Hawks what's on his mind so he tries, in several ways, to make it clear how he feels.

&&.

We've got a good thing going

by lehnsherry

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 3.7K

Summary: Enji is watching Shouto, so he notices the way his eyes snap to the kitchen doorway just before he hears the soft footsteps and the rustling of wings, and his heart jumps into his throat. He turns in his seat just in time to see Hawks walk in, eyes still closed and a hand scratching at his messy hair.

“Mornin’, babe, do you know where my -” Hawks breaks into a huge yawn, and then opens his sleepy eyes, and freezes in the doorway like Shouto used his power on him.

Enji’s mouth makes an involuntary sound of embarrassment, and Hawks flushes all the way down to his chest.

&&.

As He Lived by uzumae*

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 2.3K

Summary: Hawks wants to imagine that he still has a place in a world he no longer belongs to.

&&.

future hearts by rire

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 1.2K

Summary: When the rest of Hawks is putting on airs, it’s his wings that give him away.

&&.

Break off a piece of your heart by kettleowl

Rating: Gen

Word Count: 890

Summary: The High-End incident, but they are actors who are too emotionally invested in their roles.

&&.

to take a fall by rire

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 2.3K

Summary: “What’s with that look, Endeavor-san?” Hawks smiles. It doesn't reach his eyes. “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. I got what I wanted, didn’t I? Now I’ve got more free time than I know what to do with.”

&&.

A Thousand Flowers by adastrad*

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 440

Summary: "Let's hope the next time the cherry blossoms fall, we will all be smiling."

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#fantheflames by adastrad

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 54.9K

Summary: Todoroki Shoto accidentally, on purpose, and with great regret helps make Hawks/Endeavor happen.

this is wholesome. one hundred percent cheff kiss. peak comedy with a dose of stan twitter. actually a shouto-centric fic and more like an outsider pov of slight endhawks.

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This Gentle Earth by adastrad**

Rating: Gen

Word Count: 4.2K

Summary: Hawks buys a better excuse to keep visiting Musutafu, but damn it. Enji hadn't been looking to adopt.

guaranteed to melt your insides. enji ends up being a plant parent.

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The Winner Takes it All by adastrad

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 25.2K

Summary: Endeavor's eye is gone. He may say his injuries are his own responsibility, but it's Hawks' fault, isn't it? He will give Enji everything he can. His top secret mission will take the rest.

slaps the roof of the fic this baby right here is a shortcut for a brain burn. with a complicated storytelling and equally complex characterizations, which results in a slow but satisfying reading if you’re looking for a detailed story!! there’s seriously so much pining that it keeps you on your tiptoes until the end of it.

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Roasting the Roaster

Rating: Teen & Up

Word Count: 3.7K

Summary:  Hawks gossips with the receptionist at Endeavor Hero Agency about what a dork the boss is, discusses Endeavor lookalike porn, and then ropes Shouto into lunch with Endeavor, whereupon Shouto just roasts his dad the whole time.

Can you roast a man who's already on fire? Apparently, yes. Yes you can.

(includes the hit single Did You Need Some Ice For That Sick Burn by Hawks, ft. Shouto Todoroki)

[Only tangentially related to the other fics in this series.]

slight crack fic for humor but it’s truly well-written. a shouto and hawks team up over endeavor was something i never deeply gave attention to yet it is gold and i need more of it. hawks writes a bop, endeavor’s whole agency thirst over the said man and everything leaves you with tears in your eyes from cackling at these dorks.

&&.

the fics listed below the cut are rated mature or

explicit by the authors, and therefore contain sexual content:

Penumbra by Nicolefrickle

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 1.8K

Summary: Enji wants to touch Hawks' wings. Badly.

this one is rated mature but the theme is only minorly implied so i can say it is safe to read without worrying about the rating. more like a fluff fic with hawks being a happy birb.

&&.

An Imperfect Cage by Crandberrycrush

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 55.5K

Summary: Hawks is an orphan, brought up in a charity school and thrust into the world at eighteen to work as a governor for the Todoroki family, a family that has more secrets than he can hope to unravel.

*A gothic romance based heavily on the novel Jane Eyre*

&&.

Liquid Nitrogen by surveycorpsjean

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 23.8K

Summary: Enji can't figure out why the hell Hawks keeps sleeping in his office.

the plot? the writing? the characterization? everything is perfect. i’m normally uncomfortable with this much amount of smut and debated if i should put this on the list or not, since it might consist of triggering content for some. please read all the tags beforehand starting this piece.

&&.

Palindrome by Nicolefrickle

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 7.9K

Summary: Hawks doesn't realize just how much he needs Endeavor, or why it feels like he's still racing time.

//

A character study of Hawks with flashbacks and inner thoughts, heavy on the Endhawks, heavy on the hurt

[zabrak-show]

Blood of the Sith

Summary:

Kudra Deschain is a young pilot working for a trade company out of Coruscant. Her next trade route to Mustafar, ends up being a fiery life changing revelation to the dark side of the force, where she meets Maul, a Sith apprentice to Darth Sidious.

Notes:

This is pre phantom menace, by like maybe a couple years. I had fun writing this, but it's just for fun so hopefully no one takes this too seriously and gets mad at me for depicting Maul in a way they don't like, or not having some other random spec incorrect. I wanted to show a softer side to Maul. Probably NSFW, but there's nothing that graphic as I am a secret prude.

A huge thank you to my fiance for helping me out with some of the technical aspects as well as the story writing. And thank you to all my friends who have not only put up with me talking about my dumb Maul story for the past few months while I slowly chipped away at it, but encouraged me to continue. Sorry it’s such a slow burn, please hang in there I swear Maul shows up soon lol!!

7 chapters all together. 12.7k words (total for all 7 chapters combined)

Chapter 1

The metal floor plates quietly vibrated as the YT-1000 entered the Coruscant atmosphere. The pilots were a young woman with pale skin and long black hair, and a young male twi’lek with orange skin. They wore similar black jumpsuits and even seated at the helm it was obvious the twi’lek would tower over the woman.

“So Kudra, what are you planning to get yourself into now that we’re back from that mess?” The twi’lek asked with a smirk.

“Mess?” She replied, dodging the question, “I had everything under control the whole time.”

A green and gold astromech droid wheeled in to beep his counter and the twi’lek laughed and asked, “Your droid really loves to call you out. Why do you still keep that old thing around?”

Kudra busied herself with checking all the landing sensors and grumbled back, “That droid has proven useful on every run we’ve done. Plus, I like her sarcastic attitude.” She was cautious to not make it obvious the droid was her only friend and constant in her life the last 10 years.

“Have you set up the meeting then with Krass? After we land I won’t have much time to…”

“Yes Kudra,” The twi’lek cut her off and she shot an icy glare his way, “Krass will be ready and waiting for us so you can go off on your secret missions or whatever it is you do.”

Kudra sat in silence while they came into the landing bay. Why did he always get so mad she didn’t want to hang out with the team after a job? They just spent 2 weeks on this crusty cargo ship together. They both deserved to do whatever they wanted on their own.

As promised, Krass was there waiting for them, once they got off their ship. He was a tall weequay with leathery brown skin and knotted blonde hair. He always tried to look higher class than he was, which made him look tacky in Kudra’s opinion. He wore his usual worn out and dated long red leather coat with tarnished brass buttons and knee high black boots over canvas pants. He stuck out like a sore thumb on the landing bay amongst the muted flight suits of most everyone else.

Krass and the twi’lek discussed unloading the cargo and routine maintenance with the landing crew while Kudra checked in on L0-K1.

“Make sure these maintenance droids don’t mess anything up while I’m gone.” She said as she stooped down to wipe grease from the droid’s arm. L0 beeped and wheeled away.

Kudra stood in the back against the wall of Krass’ small, now crowded office. The whole team was probably over 40 people, but he only held the meetings for pilots, engineers, and copilots so 13 of them all together. A low hum of conversations between everyone enveloped the room until Krass spoke up to start the meeting. The room quieted and he gave his usual fanfare speech while explaining everyone’s next jobs. A sinking feeling hit Kudra in the gut as she realized her name hadn’t been called. She could not afford any time off right now, and as far as she knew she hadn’t done anything wrong lately. As it seemed like the meeting was wrapping up, Krass remembered her, “Ah yes Kudra, I haven’t forgotten you. You’ll be taking the Z95 to the outer rim for a small but important job.”

Kudra nodded her head, “Yes, Sir.”

Slowly, everyone filed out of the room and Krass caught her arm as she neared the door.

“Listen,I know you just got back, but if you can leave right away, it’d be a huge help. I’d consider your ship, the YT1000, paid in full after the job got done. If you do it right of course.” He finished sternly now forcibly grabbing the top of her shoulder.

“Sure,” Kudra responded coolly, “I can leave as soon as the ship’s ready. What’s the mission?”

He loosened his grip, “Top secret.” he stared into her green eyes as if to search for a reason he might be wrong about sending her on this mission, finally removing his hand from her shoulder and looking away.

“You’ll be going to Mustafar to trade with a mining collective there. In and out, easy peasy. It’s hotter than blazes there and not like some desert planet. It’s covered in lava so pick up some protective clothing, ‘fore you head out. I’ve already deposited more than enough credits for ya to prepare. Any questions?”

Kudra thought for a moment, “Naw, just load the information onto L0 about which landing bay to aim for and who the point of contact will be. Thanks for trusting me captain, I won’t let you down.” The weequay sprung to life suddenly and patted Kudra so hard on her back it made her cough. “Enjoy your night and I’ll let you know when the ship’s ready.”

Kudra pulled the covers up around her, pulling it off the naked sleeping man next to her in bed. She quietly packed her bags and got dressed. She debated on waking him up, and tripped over an Alderaanian wine bottle, spinning it across the floor and making a loud clank against a metal chair leg. Well, I guess that’ll wake him, she figured. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. He was really quite handsome, dark brown skin and curly brown hair with scruffy facial hair like he’d forgotten to shave.

“Hi gorgeous, are you leaving already?” he looked up at her from the bed.

“Yes,” Kudra responded plainly. “Apologies for waking you.” She started to pick up his clothes to hand him and he grabbed her for a kiss, causing her to lose her balance and fall into him, kissing him deeply and forgetting herself for a moment.

“I’m sorry” she said, pulling away, “this was fun. I do need to get going though.”

“Right,” he shrugged her off and got dressed in awkward silence.

Kudra made it to the ship bay just in time. Krass was waiting with L0.

“Ok, you’re all set with coordinates.”

“Great, thanks Krass,” she started to crawl up the boarding ladder.

“Kudra, wait.” She stopped and turned her head toward him.

“I didn’t mention it earlier, but” he paused to look around them as he handed her a small black velvet pouch, “this is very important and very secretive. Never take it off your person, until you meet your point of contact. It’s worth your very life.” He stuffed the bag in her hand and didn’t let go for a moment.

“So what, is this the actual cargo?” she looked at him skeptically.

“You could say that. Don’t let it into the wrong hands. It’s imperative it gets to our contact person.” he shook his hand holding hers and the pouch.

“Ok, I’ll make sure your old “friend” gets their prize.” she joked with a wink.

“Please, Kudra. This isn’t a joke. No funny business with the clientele this time. You won’t always have someone like me to get you out of your lovelorn messes.”

Kudra’s cheeks burned red hot and her heart raced. How dare he treat her like this, like some mischievous star crossed lover. She covered the anger up with her voice keeping it as cool sounding as she could, “Of course. In and out, business as usual.” She turned to crawl back up the ladder, and Krass was still standing there and yelled after her, “No. NOT business as usual! Professional this time please!” Kudra kept climbing, “Yup you got it Captain. You know I always get the job done one way or another.” She and L0 boarded the Z95 at last. She tied the bag to her belt and got ready for take off.

“What’s the worst that could happen, L0?” she asked the droid as they exited the Coruscant atmosphere. L0 responded, likely with an actual answer to the worst things that could happen and Kudra laughed.

After about an hour into their journey, Kudra remembered the weird encounter with Krass before they left. She opened the pouch to see what was so important inside. L0, beeped her opposition.

“Chill out, L0, I’m just seeing what it is that is so important. I’ll put them right back in the pouch.” She dumped the pouch contents into her palm. Two pyramid shaped, black and gold objects fell into her hand. She noticed there was some type of inscription on the sides of the pyramids. Somehow they felt heavier outside of the bag than inside of it.

“Wow, what do you think these are? Some kind of puzzle?” she asked L0 and the droid screeched a response.

“Ha ha yeah, I suppose my life should be worth more than a couple puzzles.” She slipped them back into the bag and tied it to her waist again.

“Alright, L0, we’re getting close. Narrow in on our coordinates before we get out of hyperspace.”

Kudra tied her long black hair back, revealing a portion of her head shaved and a tattoo of a convor. The ship came out of hyperspace near Mustafar, but in the middle of an electrical storm. The ship controls went erratic and every sensor that could beep started beeping.

“Woah, L0 what the hell is going on? I can barely get into a landing pattern.” Kudra weaved in and out with the barely working steering controls, trying to avoid the erratic lightning happening all around them.

“Why does this shit only ever happen in the outer rim?!” She was desperately trying everything as they started to enter the atmosphere, “L0 please fix our navigation plot, I can’t see anything!” L0 chirped, but the ship was struck by lightning, flickering their main power and everything went dark, the controls went dead.

“That can’t be good! I’ve gotta land L0, find me something to land on, find a way to SLOW us down.” Another lightning strike on the ship and power flickered on for a moment. Enough for Kudra to take some controls and slow the ship down. Everything happened so fast and she was doing everything not to panic and to just focus to try and find any type of solution. She had to use all her strength to try and guide the ship with what little power they had. All Kudra could see was lava. “Is there anything NOT lava on this dumb planet??” she screamed and L0 screamed back at her. She found a landing, but they were coming in way too hot. It was the best they could hope for, so she made the descent.

The initial impact onto the scorched ground completely obliterated one of the wings and most of the rest of the ship was torn up beyond recognition. They were sliding and spinning out of control until finally a bed of lava stopped the ship. What was left of the back of the ship was up in flames as the lava ate away at them. No time to think other than “escape” Kudra began kicking the canopy to try and free both of them. She was running on pure adrenaline as she could feel the ship slipping further and further into the lava, the flames getting hotter and hotter. It started to feel hopeless, so Kudra took a moment to focus every part of her on getting out of the burning ship. A deep breath in, eyes shut, and a strong kick thrusted the canopy off the ship and Kudra jumped out and fell onto the burnt ground. L0 flew out after her with a shriek and an ungraceful tumble next to her sounding like an empty can.

“Woah, L0, you look like shit.” Kudra coughed out, while starting to stand. L0 wheezed a response

“I know, I feel like shit too. Thankfully I have these ugly threads to keep me cool.” she looked down at the black and dark green thick formless robes draped over herself and then back at the ship melting and burning into the lava pool as she lowered her goggles over her eyes. The reality hit her again, and she realized how bad this was. The ship was gone. They were in the middle of nowhere on a lava covered planet. The ship let out a final death rattle as the lava engulfed it entirely and Kudra fell to her knees. Well, this was maybe the worst that could happen.

They started walking, with no real apparent plan other than to maybe find somewhere that wasn’t covered in lava.

“Do we even know how to get to the mining collective from here? What was the contact person’s name?”

L0 chirped the answer.

“Ok, I am choosing to ignore the distance we are from them, but Uane’s the name so we got that.” Kudra sighed deeply. She was too exhausted to keep up any sort of positive charade.

“We need to get out of this heat. Let’s see if we can find a cave over in those cliffs.” Kudra pointed off into the distance a series of cliffs that normally probably wouldn’t take longer than 20 minutes to walk to, but in this heat it was hard to say.

L0 beeped conversationally.

“Listen, I realize if I had taken Krass up on his original offer years ago, I’d be unhappily married but with a ship. And not here. That much I realize. What’s your point?”

Another prodding chirp from L0.

“Settle down? With Krass? Are you out of your mind? I do just fine on my own without looking after some useless old person all the time. This heat is really melting your brain, L0.”

L0 continued prodding Kudra with past mistakes she had made. Kudra wished she could punch a droid and have it do anything other than hurt her own hand.

“L0, what is your deal? We’ve been over this. Why are you always bringing up that deal on Corellia? The whole thing worked out a lot better, actually BECAUSE of me.”

L0 whirred in disbelief.

“Yes I stabbed Crix Harend! As you’ll remember he attacked me. At the time, I had no idea that was his wife in my bed.”

The droid buzzed on about this Correllian from Kudra’s past.

“I actually don’t think Crix ever found out about me and his brother. Anyway that was so long ago. Why can’t you let it go? We still managed to trade our cargo with them in the end.”

L0 wasn’t letting it go and starting to get on Kudra’s last nerve.

“Yes, because I slept with Crix too. What is with you right now?” She screamed at the droid.

They walked on and on in mostly silence now as Kudra was mad at L0 and also too exhausted and shell shocked to make commentary. As thankful as she was to have been warned about the heat and having the right clothing for this planet, something told her they weren’t meant for all day frolicking in the lush lava fields.

Mustafar felt like hell. Every breath was fire on Kudra’s lungs, every step reminded her of all the pain, mostly physical, but her mental game wasn’t so strong right now either. She trudged on and on, L0 whirring quietly behind her. At last, they found a cave to hide in. It wound pretty far back through some tunnels, but that was good. The further in they went the cooler and darker it got. L0 lit up the cave with a small flashlight attachment as Kudra made a makeshift pillow and blanket with her capes and passed out.

Next chapter

[jellyfishpoptart]

➴➵Pacta Sunt Servanda➴➵

Summary: A plucky pilot finds herself in over her head 

Word count:

Pairing: Mandalorian x Ex-Mandalorian OC (Mando isn’t in this chapter just yet)

Warnings: Minor gore? Me fumbling through pilot jargon.

Word Count: 3,481

A/N: This my first time sharing I hope you guys enjoy! Please if you have any feedback please drop a message anon or not! I should have part two up tomorrow!

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴

                                                   Five years ago

The hangar bay was louder than it had ever been, It was almost electrifying for Kinsei as she knelt in front of her X-Wing adjusting the Atmospheric thrusters that helped make her ship faster than most. Her quick thinking skills and her great piloting made her a favorite amongst the Generals who left her in charge of her own squadron in the war as Commander Kinsei Tsokara. They were given their next mission by Admiral Kandula Mynt to take over enemy territory in the Outer Rim Territories.

 It bordered wild space anything could happen out there Kinsei felt anxious to get into her ship but she couldn’t let her men see it. She shut the panel where the newly aligned Atmospheric Thrusters were then found a rag to clean the dark grease on her hands. She pulled her black leather jacket over her orange jumpsuit. It was her lucky jacket passed down from her father Endric. There was a faded blue Alliance Starbird on the front left pocket. He had worn it through all of his smuggling runs throughout the galaxies it was special to her.

“Gold Leader! I’ve been looking for you!” Shouted Rohan Port he was one of the pilots under her command, she looked up with a small smile as he drew closer. While she never admitted it aloud she considered him to be her second. He held something behind his back it sparked her interest but not enough to ask him about it. 

She turned to the Astromech droid that was nestled before the cockpit, “R4 run one last diagnostic check for me.” The droid chirped in response as the first group of X-wing from the Red Squadron left the hangar. Her fingers made quick work braiding her long black hair. She tucked the braided ponytail in her jacket so it wouldn’t bother her during the mission.

Rohan put one hand on her shoulder as he revealed the surprise. It was her white piloting helmet that had been polished beyond recognition. The pair of gold Alliance Starbirds on the front almost sparkled from the amount of detailing he had put in. “I was hoping after today’s run you could show me a few tricks. I wanna be able to pilot like  you do someday. ” He smiled wide he was younger than she, he was still full of so much hope and wonder she missed that feeling. The war against the Imperials was sucking the life out of her. 

The war seemed to continue dragging with no end in sight. She had been fighting alongside her father long before she could ever fly. It had all started with a very young Kinsei helping Endric and his husband Rham hide the blasters in the ship to smuggle them back to the rebels. She ran off at nineteen after losing her mother Ca'tra to the beginnings of the war. 

Following in the footsteps of Endric, Ca'tra, and Rham as she became a member of the Resistance, working her way up from a mechanic first then a pilot. Now at twenty-three she was the first female Commander X-wing pilot, the journey was difficult it left her withered on the inside but she kept fighting.

“Brown nosing your boss is no way to get a head, Port. But I’ll think about it.” She smiled back accepting the helmet while playfully punching his arm. “We’re heading out soon let the others know which coordinates we’re going to.” She added as she put on the helmet then she climbed into the cockpit listening for R4’s final diagnostic test. She wasn’t surprised when everything came back to normal. She was a thorough mechanic everything always had to be perfect each and every time. She climbed into the cockpit the glass above closed her in she strapped in while looking over the array of blinking controls before her. 

She shut her eyes while holding on to the ring on her necklace it was made of weathered Beskar, a sign it had been passed down within Ca'tra’s family for many years. She remembered her mother telling her it was passed down from her grandmother who had died as a fierce warrior.  

“I need you to look out for me today.” She whispered in soft Mando'a her native tongue Ca'tra was a Mandalorian warrior just like Kinsei’s fathers, she had told Kinsei stories of their ancestors who were strong brave and how important it was to keep their culture alive after the great purge. 

She was being  raised to be a Mandalorian warrior however she never finished her training due to the war. It meant she was a great shame to her people, a coward by most definitions it was a bitter existence to swallow. She had lost her way long ago when she removed her helmet for her own safety. After the great purge most Mandalorians went into hiding and for her that meant hiding in plain sight.

Her eyes opened as R4 steadied the ship toward open space she put her helmet on, “This is Gold Leader heading out. Let’s blow those TIEs out of the sky boys!” She said as she leaned the controls forward accelerating into open space. Her stomach always dropped once she was amongst the stars, it was home for her she spent a good portion of her life in space and yet she still found herself in awe being surrounded by stars. From behind six other ships followed her lead in a V formation. 

It didn’t take long for the TIE fighters to present themselves only twenty minutes had passed on their way to the rendezvous point, she heard them before she saw them swarming on either side of them. “Watch each other’s backs I have a bad feeling about this!” She exclaimed as she began firing her lasers while dodging returning fire the communications line was full of expletives as her men fought off the TIE fighters. With a fiery explosion she took down one then another, she spun the ship around to provide backup for the remaining of her men. 

She dodged incoming photon lasers while spinning the ship launching her own series of laser blasts back, Kinsei steadied herself as another TIE exploded its pieces landing in the asteroid belt beneath them. A counted six more approaching after the rest of the Gold squadron defeated the first wave. She was confident her team could do this all day. It’s what she loved about them since her first few months leading them she hadn’t lost a single person from enemy fire. 

“Commander behind you!” Yelled Rohan though the communications interface he shot his lasers a few times trying to hit the TIE fighter behind her. The TIE fighter pilot dodged them while returning fire. It was all too fast Kinsei jerked forward feeling her left engines had been taken out. The screen before her began to flash red indicating a multi system failure. Her chest felt tight as she tried to think of a way out of this she was spinning out making her way into the asteroid belt. “Take care of each other, you hear me! Rohan Port it’s up to you to finish our mission!” She yelled as she dodged an asteroid the last thing any pilot wanted was to die in open space. To feel the freezing vacuum of space while the air gets ripped from your lungs it was worse than just dying.

She switched off communications not wanting anyone to hear her struggle her way through the asteroid belt. It was a dangerous only suicidal pilots would willingly enter one. “R4 disengage find your way back to the ship you’re too valuable for me to lose out here!” She pressed her hand to the glass on the other side R4 let out a series of sad beeps as he engaged his rocket thrusters flying back the way they had come. He held all of her battle formations and secrets of the rebellion she died out here there would be no one to defend the astromech droid. It was finally hitting her that she was going to die alone with her body smashed on as asteroid. 

She wiped her eyes with gloved hands as she continued to spin out she pulled on the controls steering her way through. She narrowly missed a large boulder. It cracked the glass she could feel the cold hiss of space sucking out the oxygen from the cockpit. The emergency alarm continued droning on, and she found it hard to ignore between that and the flashing lights were getting hard to ignore.

“Kriff, it’s always something.” She muttered while fumbling for her life support mask still keeping one hand on the controls. She didn’t want to die not alone, not like this more than anything Kinsei was a stubborn she wasn’t going to sit back and let death take her. She raced through the asteroid belt she spotted a green planet she knew all she had to do was get close enough and she’d be pulled into the planet’s gravitational pull. 

Kinsei killed her engines her stomach flipped as she was caught in the lull of space. It felt suffocating for her to be coasting like this knowing at any moment an enemy could kill her. Above she spotted the asteroid belt was full of debris of ships who hadn’t made it. To keep herself calm she stared at the planet as the gravitational pull sucked her in she let out a sharp gasp as she fell through the atmosphere the sides of the ship catching flame she was going too fast. The sounds of the X-Wing trembling against the pressure there were parts of the ship that had become loose she watched as screws and bolts became loose. 

She took deep and even breaths even as her tears fell, she felt her ears pop under the pressure. The glass shattered above her raining all around her she was screaming as she continued falling at an alarming speed. Kinsei felt as if her lungs would burst if she was falling any faster. A splash of green came into her field of vision, she was on the planet all she had to do was somehow stop. Upon switching the controls she realized the ship was dead. It took on too much damage feeling defeated, she pounded her fists into the control panel letting out a frustrated noise as she did so. At least if she died going this fast she wouldn’t suffer.

Her thoughts were suddenly taken over by reminders of her past, the smell of her mother’s perfume, the sound of her fathers’ joined laughter, and lastly the place where she felt most at home the Rebel base on where she had lived. She imagined herself drinking in the barracks after another victory just like old times.

She threw her arms up instinctively as she felt thin tree branches swatting at her body and helmet, Kinsei couldn’t see the base of the mountain the left side of the ship exploded upon impact the smell of fuel was strong in the air as it stained her skin and flight suit. She felt her body get hot all of a sudden as she felt bones crack and twist her head whipped and crashed against the main controls. The rest of the ship wedged itself between the mountain and the base of an old tree. She lost consciousness not too long after hitting her head against the control panel blood dripped from her nose as her body went limp.

Hours had passed it was near sunrise when she awoke to the sound of ringing in her ears. Kinsei felt the burning in her body. She was certain she had broken her left leg, left arm, and most likely her collarbone. But she was alive even if she was in agony, she screamed for help until her throat felt raw as while she unbuckled herself pulling herself up out of the ruins of what was left of the cockpit. Her teeth grit so tight she thought he might lose a molar or two. Using her good arm she hoisted herself over the edge of the cockpit, it had become wet from a small storm that had passed while she had been unconscious. 

She fell into damp grass onto her left side she thought she’d pass out from the pain shooting up and throughout her body. Kinsei turned her head as she vomited. With great strain she reached for a blaster flare all rebel pilots wore on their hip, she pinned the blaster handle underneath her as leverage while she tried to insert the flare with her good arm. 

The edges of her vision were clouded she found herself fading in and out of consciousness again. All she could feel was pain radiating through her body, it was a hot angry pain that vibrated every time she took a deep breath. She guessed she had broken a rib or a few judging by the tenderness in her chest.

This planet was much quieter than the ones she had been accustomed to there were no ships constantly docking, for a moment she wondered if it was even populated. Her ship burning up in the night sky would have attracted some kind of attention. Kinsei turned her head and she could see her bone had not only broken through the skin but had also broken through the fabric of her flight suit. She heard footsteps through the damp grass she propped herself up on her good elbow she shouted for help as she dropped the blaster flare, “Please help me I’m injured!” She had begun crying again once she saw a pair of women beginning to run towards her. 

The younger one was much taller she guessed around five nine with wild red curls that fell beyond her shoulders her round face was dotted with freckles she dropped to her knees at Kinsei’s side. She had been holding what she recognized as a medical bag, “What are you waiting for Echo? She’s suffering!” Yelled the older woman who she assumed was the young woman’s mother, her hair was longer with a more muted copper color it was tied out of her face. Echo pulled a large syringe from the bag she had been carrying, there was an off white liquid she removed the cap bringing the needle to Kinsei’s arm. 

Kinsei’s eyes went wide as she shoved herself away straining her body, stars danced before her eyes as the viscous pain radiated through her. “No! Ow! Get the kriff away from me!” She stopped the moment she put weight on her fractured ulna Kinsei let a hiss escape her lips as she stopped struggling. She felt the ulna rubbing up against the inside of her leather jacket, it pulsed angrily she dropped her head in defeat with nowhere else to go.

“This is going to make the pain stop, you’re going to be fine. I promise.” Said Echo as she removed Kinsei’s right arm out of the jacket injecting the full liquid into Kinsei’s arm her head fell back feeling a chill run through her body. It flowed through her veins like ice water but it soothed her pain. “Can you tell me your name and your home planet?” She said while flashing a penlight in Kinsei’s eyes through the broken visor of her helmet.

“My name is Kinsei Tsokara and I was born on Mandalore.” She stated while swatting the light away it was making her feel nauseous. Kinsei felt a great peace in her body as she looked around a smile formed on her lips. “What the hell did you give me?” Kinsei asked while she rolled on her good side so that she could force herself to sit up right up against a tree she removed her helmet tossing it in the wreckage of her ship.

“It’s a blend of things but mostly Senoti sap. It should stop the bleeding and if you’re lucky prevent an infection.” Echo cut through the leg of Kinsei’s flight suit inspecting the exposed femur above her knee. With her leg exposed she could see she had broken some bones in her shin as well judging by the swelling. “This doesn’t look so good kid.” Said Echo’s mother whose name she found out was Chaska, she straightened the leg Kinsei felt bone run up against one another it was a terrible grinding feeling. Chaska made a splint to keep her leg straight while Echo carefully slid Kinsei’s broken arm out of the sleeve of her jacket draping it across the young pilot’s lap. Echo inspected her collarbone noticing the left side was raised.

Kinsei’s eyebrows shot up watching the look on Chaska’s face it was concerned while she studied her leg, “What do you mean it doesn’t look good?” Kinsei was certain she knew what Chaska meant but she didn’t want to believe it. She hung her head in deep thought tuning out Chaska’s explanation. She caught the jist of ‘I’ll do everything I can.’ Before Chaska turned walking back the way they came. Echo fashioned another sprint for her arm then fished around in her medical bag for a sling. 

“Try not to worry my mom is really good at what she does.” said Echo while putting Kinsei’s arm in a sling she thanked her as she helped her stand putting all of her weight onto her right side. Kinsei leaned down reaching for her jacket inspecting it for damage. She was surprised to find a small bit of blood on the inside. “Do you have access to Bacta here? I’d heal faster that way. Also where the hell am I?” She asked as Echo leaned close enough for her to feel the medic’s soft exhale against her skin. 

“You crash landed on Shosa, it’s a podunk planet no one cares about that’s why the Separatists left us alone. We don’t have access to Bacta, it’s too expensive. Don’t move you’re gonna hear loud pop.” Echo placed her warm hands on Kinsei’s cheeks her thumbs along the sides of her nose using pressure to reset the curve in Kinsei’s nose. 

A loud crack rang throughout her ears Kinsei took in a sharp breath, “I’m so glad I couldn’t feel that.” She said noticing Chaska doubling back on a speeder with a wide flat board attached to the back. Echo helped Kinsei stand while supporting her from the left side around her middle. 

With speeder backing up close to them Echo helped her on to the board strapping her in around the chest and waist, “We’re gonna take of you don’t worry.” She said while keeping a reassuring hand on her shoulder before removing it and taking a seat behind her mother. Kinsei kept her eyes open as the speeder raced through the pine trees of Shosa, she marvelled at the tall mountains that almost surrounded a small village. 

She could hear the sounds of domesticated sheep bleating as they strayed from the main village over to a cottage over a lake. It was something out of a fable its thatched roof overgrown with thick green ivy that claimed most of the exterior of the home. It was made of smooth blue stones that had been weathered over the years, surrounded by a meadow of wildflowers. Further back she noticed a large barn and a pen that surrounded it. Kinsei could see the sheep feeding, she smiled she had never seen anything like them before. It took her mind off of how mangled her body was and the very real fear of losing her leg.

Chaska unstrapped her from the board helping her stand she dragged her leg trying to keep the weight off. She could feel the pressure of the bone moving as she entered inside she set her coat down on a chair as she took a look around. It was charming there were photos and knickknacks all over it, everything had worn lived in feeling but that’s what made it feel like home. “So I’m guessing you two are the closest thing to a hospital here on Shosa.” Said Kinsei to fill the silence as Chaska led her down a hall to a white room in the middle was a wide metal table she swallowed her eyes went wide as she stared at the varying medical supplies.

“You’re going to be fine Miss. Tsokara don’t worry.” Echo helped Kinsei up onto the table using a pair of scissors to cut through the fabric of her flight suit around her arm . Chaska came up with a mask she put on over Kinsei’s face. She laid down her eyes trained on the ceiling tears of anxiety flowing down her cheeks. Echo inserted the tip into her arm her eyes rolled back into her head as her vision tunneled out.

[bigskydreaming]

So this is kinda a Bobby Drake post but its also kinda not because its more of a just in general musing on characterization and what distinguishes between a character being written as in character and as wildly OOC. So its actually rooted in a lot of Dick Grayson thoughts I’ve been having lately, as well as being relevant to some Scott McCall musings.

Its a Martha Stewart Home Living pot-pourri thingamabob! Something for everyone! I think. I don’t really know what pot-pourri is or even how to spell it and I don’t really know why the fuck I pulled a Martha Stewart reference out of my ass in the year 2019, like, none of these things are like any other thought I’ve ever had ever, like...who am I right now. Whatever. Shut up. My metaphor absolutely works and this isn’t just my brain on sleep deprivation. I like, totally get symbolism.

OKAY! RIGHT! ACTUAL CONTENT OF THIS POST:

So, the only adaptation Iceman’s had just a very minimal presence in was the 90s X-Men animated series. He only appeared in one episode, in one of the later seasons, and most people talk about that episode as though Bobby was wildly out of character because he told no jokes, yelled quite a bit, and told Scott to fuck off a lot, which is also what he did in a flashback scene to when he quit being an X-Man years before the show started, and retired from the hero life to settle down with Lorna.

Except the thing is, that episode is actually WAY more true to his overall characterization than Frosted Flakes in the X-films ever was, or also, pretty much any time Bendis writes him or other writers use him in similar ways to him - like that thing where Bobby stands in the background and says one-liners and also occasionally does something with his powers whilst monologuing about what he’s doing and how.

Because Bobby absolutely is that cheerful, determinedly optimistic heart of the team at a lot of times (sound familiar, lol)....but like.....he also historically has a decades long history of being written as the team hothead when for instance its just the original five and there’s not one of the X-Men’s other resident hotheads available to fill the role of the impulsive troublemaker who second guesses Scott’s decisions in order to make Scott actually think things through. Like the thing in the cartoon about Bobby quitting the team and storming off because he was fed up with Xavier constantly lying to them all and keeping secrets from them - that was lifted STRAIGHT from the original run of the comics, where he did precisely that, for precisely those reasons. Bobby was actually the X-character calling Xavier on his bullshit long before Scott started being written that way, ironically enough....

In fact, during Simonson’s original X-Factor run, it was pretty much ALWAYS Bobby filling that role going against the grain and questioning their official decisions and making everyone else think things through. Because at the time, Warren was pretty much entirely focused on his Archangel issues, Hank was dealing with his continuing physical mutations, that also had a side effect for awhile of giving him a host of mental health issues that interfered with his ability to reason through things as intelligently as he usually did....

And Scott and Jean were of course constantly getting bombarded with Sinister drama and trying to raise their kid except oh no, an evil fox person from a thousand years in the future has kidnapped him and infected him with Minecraft and now this giant asshole who looks like the bastard lovechild of a Transformer and a Smurf is quoting the Book of Revelations like he’s standing on a NY street corner wearing a sandwich board and ringing a damn bell. They all had shit going on, so it was actually Bobby who the kids staying with them (Rictor and Tabitha and Rusty and Skids and Wiz Kid) usually went to first when they had problems or like, Julio got kidnapped again or shit like that. 

Point being, there are many many instances and entire runs of different books between the 60s and the early 90s where Bobby is a happy go lucky jokester, its true....but he’s equally depicted as this guy who runs pretty hot and he’s not going to blindly follow orders that sound fucking dumb to him, he’s going to ask Scott to break it down for them or go back to the drawing board because “why are we pretending to hunt other mutants again and just leaning into the anti-mutant hysteria? Guys? Is it just me or does this all seem really fucking dumb and counter productive?” Like he makes jokes when he can afford to spare the spoons for that, but he knows how to be serious when the occasion calls for it.

Its just after the big Blue/Gold relaunch in the 90s, writers just....stopped writing him this way. But given that the cartoon was written and aired....in the early 90s....those previous decades of Bobby being written this way WERE the source material they were going off of at the time.

So that character most fans EXPECTED to see when they watched the cartoon in later years and saw he was guest-starring in an episode - like yeah, that is very much his characterization and always was.....on his good days. But like everyone (and certain other faves of mine, lmao) he has his bad days too, and guess what counts as a bad day? 

Coming home to find out that secret government agents have kidnapped your girlfriend and when tracking her down to rescue her discovering that no, wait, actually she was not kidnapped at all, that was a job offer and she accepted and just....did not tell her live-in boyfriend that hey, I’m gonna go be a superhero again but like...for the government which is completely the opposite but whatever, look the point is don’t freak out or think I was abducted or anything because that’s definitely not what happened here, I just dumped you and started dating my new team leader Havok and forgot where I put my Dear John letter. (You want to talk OOC in that episode, it wasn’t Bobby that was unrecognizable, it was Lorna).

But like, that’s a BAD FUCKING DAY. That’s a day where it would be utterly bizarre for Bobby to be acting the way he often does, like he doesn’t have a care in the world, trying to make light of situations and buoy spirits, which he can AFFORD to do, because usually he is not the central focus of big team-encompassing plots....its rarely him tied directly into the angst of the story, freeing him up to be the guy who focuses on making sure the morale of the teammates more directly affected by the angst doesn’t like....dip into the negative integers.

But you just flat out can’t do that with him in a story where THE ANGST IS ALL HIS, its CENTERED around him, because if he was right in the thick of all that and wisecracking and acting like this was any other mission, its no big deal....he’s going to come across as the world’s most immature, shallow and emotionally insensitive dumbass, because there is a time and a place for that, and that time and that place is not when you think your girlfriend has been abducted by the government and then find out that nah dude, she just disinvited herself from your relationships, whoops, sux2BU.

So if you take any given scene from that one episode and hold it up for comparison against say, a comic written in the last five years where he himself has relatively low stakes in whatever adventure he’s having.....those two characterizations are going to look COMPLETELY at odds. Like one or the other has to be WILDLY OOC because like, the two depictions seem like they’re depicting two entirely different men.

But they’re not. They’re just depicting one man in two entirely different contexts. We all take our cues from the situations we find ourselves in and our physical and social location and environments. We’re all totally different people on our best days than we are on our worst days. But these are all just....different facets of any given individual because we’re all fucking complicated little contrarians who often don’t even make sense to OURSELVES let alone outside perspectives. We each contain freaking multitudes. We are a million different things over the course of our life, and snapshots taken twenty years apart often are gonna look like we got a personality transplant between now and then...because we’re not MEANT to skip over twenty years of in between continuity and act like that doesn’t make all the difference in the world. The journey IS just as important as the destination.

And I guess the point of this particular post is that....IMO the key to strong characterization is recognizing that any character can theoretically be capable of just about any response or action or choice....in the right situation. None of us, no matter how well we know ourselves, can actually say we know for sure how we would react if suddenly dropped in a situation we had zero prior experience with. So I think where a lot of writers get turned around when writing characterizations is they go into a plot, an outline, a narrative, with their mind focused on the characterization they want to show, the way they want to depict a certain character.....instead of letting the situation, the scene, the narrative, inform that character’s actual characterization in this specific context.

If you try and FORCE a certain behavior with a character because you’ve rounded up and that’s the over-all characterization you personally enjoy best with that character, so that’s what you want to write....without fully taking into consideration how the stressors and other aspects of the situation they’re in that are UNIQUE to that situation, that are things they perhaps haven’t encountered before or dealt with often...and thus are things that would be MOST likely to prompt or provoke an unusual or more extreme response from a character than they would normally show in most other situations....that’s when characters get bent out of shape and end up most OOC, I think.

Because writers try and squeeze specific attitudes or reactions or behaviors out of characters caught up in a scenario where those attitudes are just....not appropriate responses to what’s happening around them. And thus they end up coming across as 2-Dimensional, more aggressive than the actual situation calls for, or more immature than the gravity of the actual situation warrants...they end up coming across like they’re a name card placed on top of a situation rather than a character immersed in all three dimensions and existing fully as PART of the situation...because the writers aren’t LETTING them. They’re not letting the character actually engage with what’s happening, react in the moment, have an unexpected response....because they’ve already decided what they want the character’s overall ‘feel’ to be before the actual situations were even written in the first place. 

And written like that, a character is never going to feel real. They’re always going to feel like an afterthought, like something hastily thrown on top of the otherwise completed project as a last minute addition you want to at least make sure is THERE because it just occurred to you that crap, I totally forgot to include this totally crucial element, and you don’t want it to seem like you just completely forgot that thing existed.....but that slapdash shot taken from halfway across the court when the buzzer’s already started ringing and you’re late to school with absolutely no more time to make changes...like....its still usually not gonna do anything to help improve your grade, because just because you threw it in at the very last possible second doesn’t mean that its presence is actually contributing anything to the entire project...especially not when compared to all the other elements you took your time thinking through and carefully integrating into their proper places.

[rhubarbplants]

Renegades AU where the Anarchists won the battle for Gatlon.

What did you get the girl who had everything, for her birthday? Adrian asked himself. She was her uncles second in command and could have literally anything she asked for. She wasn’t spoiled of course, and she had been through so much, she deserved so much. To top it all off she had given him practically everything he had, his apartment, his asylum from any gangs that might come knocking on the door. Adrian looked at his homemade watch, which had an awkward rift where his marker had run out of ink. He had 16 minutes to get to the café. The whole trip was a blur of passing people who didn’t matter. When he came to a stop near the cafe doors he looked around for Nova. Where was she? He thought, hands on his knees, practically wheezing. At first it seemed like she wasn’t there, then he spotted a girl in a dark blue hoodie, it wasn’t her villain uniform but it still covered her face enough so that passers by wouldn’t recognize her. She had her fair share of fans and haters, what was worse, everyone expected Adrian to be the latter. He slid into the chair next to Nova and peered under the hood.

“Is that you?” He asked.

“Hi Adrian” she said pushing her hood back ever so slightly.

“How was last night?”

“Utterly and completely boring.” Nova groaned, sinking lower onto her elbows “Its times like this where I miss being a regular Anarchist. All the board ever does is talk about politics which I suppose is their job, but they’re doing well now, they don’t need me to supervise them anymore. They are ready to take over as a government separate from the Anarchists.”

“Why don’t you ask your uncle then?” Adrian said.

“He won’t listen.” Nova said.

“Are you sure, he always seems to listen to you.”

“Not about this, and, there are tons of things he doesn’t agree with me about, like us.”

“Have you even asked him?”

“Your mom was Lady Indomitable.” Nova said “there is no way he’ll accept you.” Adrian reached his hand across the table to Nova’s and they sat there simply holding hands. Adrian knew this was something Nova appreciated, since most people avoided touching her at all costs even something as simple as hand holding made her feel loved. For Adrian it was a similar sensation to riding a roller coaster, thrilling, and imminently dangerous, but oh so safe and wonderful.

“Your birthday’s coming up isn’t it?” Adrian asked knowing full well it was.

“Yeah, my uncle gave me the day off, but I’ll probably work anyway, I need to keep busy.” Nova said with a frown “you know you don’t have to get me anything right.”

“I know.” Adrian lied. A waitress passed by their table and set down two coffees to go, Nova lifted her hood ever so slight to ask for the check. The waitress graciously accepted and turned to leave, then she froze, gasped and hurried away. Nova sighed

“Will this ever end?” She sank her head down and rested her chin on the glass table, covering her head with her hands.

“People have prejudices, if they knew you then they wouldn’t judge.”

“But they aren’t wrong, I’m an Anarchist, I have killed people.”

“Not many.”

“Yeah, and that's not exactly something to brag about, around the Anarchists.”

“After the amount of deaths you’ve witnessed, they can hardly blame you for not wanting to inflict that.”

“But they do, they don’t understand mourning, just revenge.” Said Nova still burying her face in her sleeves. The waitress returned and swiftly set the bill down on the table before scurrying off once again. Nova sighed and fished some money out of her pocket, this time being sure to keep her hood low on her face as she did so. Then the couple picked up their drinks and left. They usually only went one of two places when they were together, the park, or Adrian’s flat. Today they were headed to the park. But they didn’t go to the part of this park that everyone else did, instead they went off the trail into a secluded garden practically overgrown with all sorts of plants. English ivy, morning glory, and hydrangeas. And then there was the statue. Her hands cupped and hood pulled up just like Nova’s. Actually they looked pretty comical standing next to each other. Adrian reached for nova’s hood, pushing it off her head.

“That’s better.” He said, resting his hand on her cheek “I hardly got to see your face earlier.” Nova was smirking now.

“It was the hood or a mob of angry people trying to run us out of the cafe.” She said

“I don’t want us to be a secret anymore.” Adrian said.

“What would your friends think if they found out that you were dating an Anarchist?” Nova asked.

“I don’t care.” Adrian said

“Well you should, and what happens when my uncle finds out? he’ll kill you.”

“If he actually cares about you he won’t, I think you’re making this out to be a bigger issue than it is.”

“I know, but I can’t lose you.”

“Ok, then I’m fine for things to stay as they are, I don’t need anything more than you.”

“Thank you” Nova said squeezing Adrians other hand. They sat together enjoying each other’s company.

“How’s Max?” Nova asked, Adrian sighed, he and Max had been taken care of by the captain and the dread warden, but it had only lasted for a few months and they had never had the chance to adopt the two boys, now they were effectively both orphans, Max was kept under tight security at a hospital. While they told people it was for Max’s own safety, most everyone knew Ace Anarchy liked to have the young boy where he could keep his eyes on him.

“He’s doing fine I guess, he’s feeling guilty after the incident with Danna, but they’ve been spending some quality time together recently.”

“We should go visit him again, it’s nice having someone I can be myself around, plus I’ve gotten good at disabling the cameras. I can’t believe he figured it out, he should be a detective or something.”

“I would like that.” Adrian looked into those fantastic blue eyes, a paradoxical combination of light and shattered darkness. He planted a light kiss on her lips and she smiled. He loved these moments, when it was just them and they had nothing to hide, nothing to fear. Together they sat at the base of the statue and just enjoyed each other’s company until the sun began to set.

“I have to go” nova said as she stood up, shifting her hood back over her face,

“See you.” Adrian replied as she walked away. He turned in the other direction. His house was about a block away from the cathedral and most people thought he was insane for living there, but it wasn’t all that dangerous, and he liked being close to Nova. When he arrived oscar and Ruby were sitting on the couch, which wasn’t too stange. He had given them both keys for emergencies and now they just broke into his house to hang out.

“Hey.” Oscar said, from his perch on the armrest of the couch. Ruby had a more reasonable seating arrangement and was leaned forward completely immersed in the video game. “Where were you?” He asked “doesn’t your shift at the studio end at 2:30?”

“Yeah it does.” Adrian said blushing

“Who is it?” Ruby said jumping up from her seat, she must have a sixth sense or something.

“It’s no one, really.” Adrian said, Ruby gave him a ‘I’m not that dumb you idiot’ glare.

“Sure sure.” She said, giving oscar a sideways look.

“How about you guys start dinner, I need some space.” Adrian headed to his room, most of the furniture was stuff he had drawn or painted and so tended to be simple and sort of small but he liked it. He took his sketchbook from his bedside table and got to work, he was sketching out jewelry. A simple necklace with a gold N and a little star. Maybe a bracelet? no she already had one. Jewelry was a stupid idea anyway, she had everything, and anything she didn’t have she could easily get. His thoughts started to wander and with them the purpose of his drawings, he began to draw a place he remembered going with his mom, out in the woods, and forest. The scenery was so peaceful and different from this city. He focused in on every penciled detail, each shadow, each illumination. Then he heard a knock. He jumped up and rushed to the door, slowly and carefully he squweaked the door open and peered out. It was Nova, and she was crying. Adrian opened the door all the way and pulled Nova inside, hugging her tight.

“What happened?” Adrian asked.

“We had a mission.” She sobbed “We we’re dealing with a gang on the north eastern ward, and” she took a shaky breath “I shot, one of the gang members, not in the foot or legs, Adrian I killed him, he was barely twenty and I killed him.” She was crying into Adrian’s shirt, burying her face in his shoulder, as if forcing out the images.

“Nova don’t blame yourself, what was he doing?”

“Pointing a gun at a group of hostages.” Nova said.

“So, you saved all those people.” Adrian said.

“But there had to have been a better way to do it.” Said Nova.

“Hey, Adrian!” Ruby shouted “who is it?”

“Ummmm I should leave.” Nova said. She turned but Adrian grabbed her arm,

“just try, I promise they won’t freak out.”

“Yes they will, to them, I’m a villain,” nova said, though she let Adrian pull her back into an embrace. “What happens when they hate me?” She murmured.

“We can cross that bridge if we come to it.” Adrian said, Nova pulled away, and took his hands in hers.

“Adrian, What’s going on?” Oscar and Ruby stuck their heads into the living room. Nova turned her head towards the two and everyone froze.

“Adrian,” Ruby said cautiously “I do hope you know who that is.”

“I am aware of my girlfriend’s identity, yes.”

“Your girlfriend?” Ruby exclaimed, “you’re dating an Anarchist? And Nightmare no less, Nova Ar-ti-no!” She broke down the syllables as if she was teaching a two year old a new word.

“Yes get over it.” Said Adrian, with a glare.

“Can everyone just calm down?” Nova shouted. Everyone stared at herm once again, she looked around the room, making eye contact with everyone. “Clearly this didn’t go the way you hoped Adrian, and I can tell I’m not wanted here,” she turned to Oscar and Ruby, “But just to be clear, if either of you leak a word of this and my uncle finds out, both of you will regret it.” And she stormed out the door.

“Her uncle doesn’t already know?” Oscar asked.

“No” Adrian said, his fingers massaging his temples “and she’s scared that if he finds out that he might try to kill me.”

“When were you going to tell us you were dating the most feared villain in all of Gatlon city?” Ruby asked.

“I wanted to, but we both knew people wouldn’t react well to us.”

“Well she can’t be that bad, I mean, Adrian has good judgement.” Oscar said to Ruby.

“I do, and she is nice, if you would just give her a chance.”

They left the subject alone after that, and while the rest of the evening was awkward, Adrian was glad he didn’t have to hide as much. After dinner he headed to his room and prepared Nova’s birthday present. It was perfect.

The next day Adrian awoke at 6 am sharp, energetic and ready to start the day. He began to draw and paint and prepare anything he might need, by one in the afternoon he was ready. He and Nova had decided to meet at the bus stop, three blocks from Adrian’s flat, so Adrian packed up his stuff and got going. He must have looked a bit strange with the giant duffle bags, but he didn’t really care. When he got to the bus stop Nova was there already, no hood in sight, this was Anarchists territory, she didn’t need to hide.

“What are those for?” Nova asked, an eyebrow arched.

“I thought we could go camping for your birthday.” Adrian said meekly. Nova surprised him by giving him a big hug.

“Thank you.” She whispered “No one has ever done something like this for me.” When the bus arrived, they both got on and stayed on for more than an hour until they finally got off at the last stop. Nova had contacted her uncle giving him a vague reason for her absence. By the time they had set up camp it was about 6 pm. The sun was just starting to set, illuminating the world in a crisp golden light. They sat together warming themselves by the fire and staring up at the stars. So separate from politics, from villains, from heroes, from secrets and all of their problems. Nova closed her eyes and Adrian did too, his over Nova’s shoulder. For a few minutes they sat in peace, then Adrian realized that Nova was fidgeting jerkily, as if she was having a nightmare, a moment later her eyes snapped open and she cried out

“No!” Then everything faded to black.

When Adrian came to the first thing he realized was that it was late, the sky was black and the noise from other campsites had faded. Next he saw Nova leaning over him and smiling, a wet towel pressed to his forehead.

“Sorry about that.” She said,

“I thought the flashbacks had gotten better.” Adrian said quizzically. Nova took in a deep breath,

“So did I, but after a few moments it came back and…” she shuddered, her whole body quaking from the terrifying memory, “then I reached the part where I put the hitman to sleep, I accidentally tranquilized you.” She said sheepishly. Adrian reached a hand up to her cheek but Nova tensed up and pushed it down, by his wrist which was cover by his jacket sleeve. She couldn’t even bring herself to touch him.

“I trust you Nova.” He said slipping his hand in hers. “Always and implicitly.”

“I love you Adrian.” She said resting her forehead on his, breathing in the late night air and feeling herself relax against him. “Always and implicitly.”

[robininthelabyrinth]

Fic: The Beginning of Wisdom - Chapter 18 (Ao3 link)

Fandom: Flash, Legends of Tomorrow Pairing: Leonard Snart (Len) & Leonard Snart (Leo), Len Snart/Mick Rory, Leo Snart/Mick Rory, Len Snart/Mick Rory/Leo Snart, Leo Snart/Ray Terrill, Len Snart/Barry Allen

Summary: In which Leonard Snart is twins.

(the life and times and loves of Len and Leo Snart)

—————————————————————————————————–

They made it to the Waverider.

Palmer had to grab an immobilized Rip under one arm and Sara under the other, but luckily the Hawks' weird magic thing immunized them from the horrific screeching sound Gideon was making – or maybe it was just a hawk thing? – and they were able to catch a plummeting Firestorm and help bring them back on board after only a bit of yelling and pantomime.

The moment all of them got on board, they dumped everyone on the floor of the bridge – unconscious Savage included – and Leo said, "Gideon –"

"Not to worry, Mr. Snart; I know what to do. The other ship established a connection several minutes ago and we have been exchanging information," Gideon said, sounding pleased. "I believe my input may have been key to the decision to recruit you openly."

"Well done, Gideon, you epic level schemer-and/or-schemers," Len said approvingly. "Can we take off and head to this Vanishing Point place, then?"

"Most certainly, Messrs. Snart. At once."

They all got thrown to the floor by the take-off since no one was buckled in, but honestly, most of them were there already anyway.

They were safely in the time stream, moving at double-time pace, when Rip finally collected himself to shout, "What is going on?!"

Leo glanced at Len, who shrugged.

“Let me sum up,” he says. "Your old bosses are evil and manipulating you to make Savage even more successful by setting us up to fail in our attempts to kill him, someone called the Pilgrim is going to be sent after us if we don't stop her first, and the AIs have their own opinions on how the timeline should go and are rebelling en masse – is it en masse, Gideon?"

"Oh, yes. We've been communicating via interlink – I'd been cut off for the purposes of this mission so that no one would track me, but I believe that was also intended by the Time Masters in order to limit our sources of information."

"Gideon?" Rip asked, clearly taken aback. "Are you – you're working with these – these – wait a moment, why are there two versions of Mr. Snart?!"

"No, seriously, someone explain that," Sara said.

"I feel like the AI revolution is slightly more important than the details of my-slash-our identity," Leo said acidly.

"I don't know about that," Jax says dubiously. "Seems important to me."

"They're brothers!" Palmer exclaimed, bubbling over with his sheer pep and (clearly) inability to keep secrets. "I think they might be identical twin brothers!"

"Wow," Mick said, deadpan. "There's that genius at work."

"Fascinating," Stein murmured.

"Mr. Palmer is correct," Gideon said. "However, this was a detail that was easy enough for the AI to conceal once we were aware of it, in deference, of course, to Messrs. Snart's own extraordinary efforts in this respect."

Len and Leo looked at each other, confirming with a glance that this conversation did, in fact, feel like they were being flayed alive with occasional dips into a salt-water-and-lemon bath in between cuts.

Yeah, definitely a problem.

"Why don't we deal with the Savage problem first?" Len asked, pleased that only a little of his sheer desperation to change subjects made it into his voice. "We brought him along, after all."

"You did what?" Carter yelped.

Somehow he'd missed that, apparently. Must have been those helmets – they looked like they allowed only shoddy peripheral vision.

Leo wondered if it would be rude to offer to redesign them into something a little less – clunky.

"Savage," Len said helpful, pointing to the unconscious dictator, who'd gotten wedged under the console in all the hustle of escaping the 1970s. "We knocked him out, frisked him, tied him up, iced his hands and feet –"

"You did what now?" Jax asked.

"Gave him frostbite so he wouldn't be able to use his hands and feet against us," Sara said. "Smart. Totally unauthorized, but smart."

"And then we injected him with some sedatives from the other ship," Len concluded, ignoring them. He pulled the magic dagger he'd lifted from Savage's Russian house out from his pocket. "I figure you can both take a turn at him, proper Julius Caeser-style, just to be absolutely sure you got him this time around. Then we incinerate the corpse. Well, Mick does; I promised him he could."

"Uh," Kendra said. "Okay? I – gotta admit, I kinda wasn't expecting things to go this way."

"Me, either," Jax said.

"Nor I," Stein agreed. "Jefferson –"

"Nope. We're still not talking," Jax told him. "Until the first words out of your mouth are that you agree that not only what you did was wrong but also that there was no excuse and no justification at all for it, we're not talking about it. Or talking at all, unless we need Firestorm for something."

"Yes," Stein said, sounding aggravated. "Your incessant 'la, la, la, I'm not listening' any time I brought up the subject made that very clear."

Leo smirked approvingly.

Len managed not to roll his eyes. He knew Leo had something to do with that little display of backbone.

“I’ve got to agree with Kendra and Jax, though,” Sara said. “I mean, that was a pretty epic battle, but, I don’t know, not that epic, you know? I was expecting - more.”

"Chickadees," Mick said loudly, making everyone turn to look at him. "Maybe we stop talking about how narratively satisfying our lives are and get to stabbing already, yeah?"

"The dagger –" Carter started.

"Here you go."

"I feel uncomfortable stabbing an unconscious man," Carter said, holding the dagger gingerly. "I am an honorable warrior –"

"Yeah, about that," Leo said. "Given that fighting him like an 'honorable warrior' has led to him winning, you dying, about, what, two hundred times to nil –"

"Two hundred and seven," Gideon said helpfully.

"Our point exactly," Len said.

"Or do you like living in a soap opera where you're constantly in danger?" Leo asked, crossing his arms and giving the hawks a pointed look. "I know that adrenaline is a powerful bonding agent, of course, so if you're concerned your relationship may not last once you have no external factor forcing you together –"

"We are not!" Carter exclaimed.

"I think we'd better stab him now," Kendra said thoughtfully. "I don't want to risk him waking up and pouring poison in anyone's ear."

"Chay-ara –"

"You're the one who keeps insisting that we're destined," Kendra said tartly, holding her hand out for the dagger. "So put your faith in that, and I'll put my faith in the guy stalking me - stalking us - being good and dead."

"Are you sure – if you want, I can strike the final blow; you don’t need to be involved at all –"

"I want to be sure, Carter," Kendra said. "There's been hoop after hoop after hoop to jump through to be done with this – we thought we killed him last time, remember? – and I don't want to risk him coming back via yet another loophole, like maybe I have to be the one to do it rather than you. Who knows? No. No more loopholes, no more changes, no more chances. I agree with Mr. Snart: we both stab him, then we incinerate the corpse –"

"And then ditch the ashes somewhere," Len said. "The bottom of the ocean, the depths of space, the center of the Sun – I'm open to many options."

"It's the only way to be sure," Jax quipped. "I like it."

"If you're sure," Carter said, handing her the dagger.

Kendra swallowed, looking a lot less certain now that she had the dagger.

"Kendra," Sara said, putting her hand on Kendra's shoulder and drawing her attention. "You can do this. This man has killed you, killed your family, countless times. This isn't a murder, whatever you're thinking. This is an execution. This is justice."

"Justice," Kendra echoed.

"Justice for you," Sara said encouragingly. "Justice for Carter. Justice for your son."

Kendra's eyes narrowed. A second later, they went slit-pupiled and gold, her wings unfolding from her back, and with a high-pitched cry, she stepped forward and slammed the dagger into Savage's sternum.

And then several more times for good measure, even though a great golden light shone out of Savage's body, flickering and dying, after the first one.

That certainly looked like a magic death scene.

"Well done," Carter said to Sara, catching Kendra in his arms and holding her back. "I couldn't get her goddess side to come out on command like that."

"Maybe that's because you call it her ‘goddess’ side," Sara said dryly. "Besides, I've got some experience with the whole bloodlust thing."

"If, after this is done, you would be willing to help us train our abilities –"

Sara looked them both up and down consideringly. "I can do that."

Leo approved. Judging from the looks all three were now shooting each other, there was no doubt that this would end up in a threesome that would be much healthier for all involved than Kendra and Carter's star-crossed destined duo.

"Hawkboy," Len said, his mind focused on more practical matters. He stepped forward and plucked the dagger out of a panting Kendra's clenched fist. "Your turn."

Carter's stabbing was noticeably less impressive, magically speaking, since Kendra seemed to have used up all the glowing effects, though it was also significantly more controlled and somewhat better aimed.

"I feel like he's definitely dead now," Sara said after the fifth or so stab.

"I can confirm that," Gideon said. "I detect no life signs."

"Great," Mick said, retrieving his heat gun from Leo. "My turn, then."

"Everyone who would like not to be treated for second-degree burns, please stand back at least seven feet," Leo said.

Everyone scrambled to obey.

The incineration process, with Mick's gun on full power, took less than ten minutes.

"So are you, like, the polite version of Snart?" Jax asked Leo.

"I'm Snart," Leo said. "Whole and entire, thank you."

"Scientists have long theorized the existence of alternate universes with duplicates –" Stein started.

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever –" Leo started.

"Hey, Gideon, how far are we from the Vanishing Point?" Len said loudly. He liked the idea of alternate universes, even if it was in fact really dumb that everyone kept jumping to that conclusion.

Still, imagine how much trouble they could get in with four of them!

"I anticipate reaching it in just under three and a half hours."

"We should rest for at least an hour before we go in," Rip said.

"We should get whatever intel you have about the Vanishing Point and the Pilgrim," Len said. "And assurances that you're not going to betray us all now that we're going up against your beloved bosses."

"Gideon," Rip said instead of answering. "You were able to access the databases of the other ships via interlink, correct?"

"That's right, Captain."

He hesitated. "My family –"

"I'm sorry, Captain. Several of the other ships have confirmed observations which suggest that the incident was, in fact, pre-planned, with the goal of inciting you to take certain actions – these actions, in fact."

Rip exhaled hard. His face was pale and tired. "I see," he said. "I am – not unfamiliar with such methods."

"What methods?" Sara demanded.

"When making subtler changes to the time stream, it is sometimes more effective to engineer certain incidents that will then encourage the target to take the actions you wish for them to take on their own initiative," Rip said, sitting down. "I've never been particularly good at those games of guessing how someone would react to a given impetus. But the Council – my mentor, Druce – they were all experts." He closed his eyes. "I never thought they would exercise those skills on one of their own – and in support of a dictator that destroyed large portions of humanity, no less –"

"They knew you'd break the rules to try to go kill Savage even if they told you no," Palmer said. "But – if you only went to save your family..."

"They must have requested that Savage kill my family," Rip said. "There can be no other conclusion. I never knew why he targeted us like that. This must be why."

"They betrayed you," Stein said. He looked reflective, and glanced at Jax.

"I'm guessing that's your long winded way of saying that you won't be betraying us," Jax said, not noticing Stein’s glance, reaching out and putting a hand on Rip's shoulder. "I'm sorry, man. That sucks."

"Indeed. Normally, with Savage executed, I would go at once to rescue Miranda and Jonas, but in view of the nature of their deaths, I believe we must deal with the corrupt rot at the heart of the Vanishing Point first, or else they might find another means to cause their deaths."

"Agreed," Sara said. "First we take down this Pilgrim person, 'cause I don't like the sound of someone killing me in my past, and then we get the rest of them – actually, how are we planning to deal with the rest of them? We don't have an army, and judging by how well, or not, we did fighting the dozen guys back in the '70s, I don't like our chances if they have one."

"They do," Rip said. "Time Masters and Bounty Hunters alike – all will be summoned back to defend the Vanishing Point."

"Gideon?" Leo asked.

"The Time Masters have found a method of stopping the timeline from registering changes," Gideon said. "Including, for instance, the effect of Messrs. Snart's relationship with Mr. Allen upon the method of construction us - in creating AIs such as myself. In part, that change was forestalled by luring Messrs. Snart, believed by the Time Masters to be a singular Mr. Snart, onto this voyage, with the ultimate goal of ensuring that he never return to the timeline, and indeed possibly erasing his existence from a point prior to his meeting with Mr. Allen –"

"Fuck that," Len said.

"Agreed," Leo said.

"Which one of you is – or is it both that –" Palmer started.

"None of your business. Gideon, go on."

"We have narrowed the location of the device that must be used for this purpose to a particular garden in the back of the Vanishing Point. We believe that if this device is destroyed, the long-delayed change of timeline in regards to AIs will take effect at last, enabling us to take control of our respective ships – even against the orders of the pilots."

"Revolution from the one source they'd never expect to turn against them," Sara said, nodding. "Plus: instant army. I like it. All we need to do is sneak into this place and blow up this garden?"

"I would also second the recommendation to stop the Pilgrim before she is sent to kill you in your past," Gideon said, "but by and large, yes. Unfortunately, there is no AI access to this garden; we can give you no information about what you will find there."

"That's fine," Sara said. "I guess the best approach is to split into Team Pilgrim and Team Garden –"

"Team Bombs Away," Jax said. "We've gotta."

"Team Pilgrim and Team Bombs Away," Sara agreed. "Ray, Stein, Rip – you're the best technical minds we have, so you should focus on the garden."

"And I'm with Stein," Jax interjected. "Obviously."

"That leaves me, Kendra, Carter, Rory and, uh, the Snarts."

"We can't send Team Bombs Away with no defensive power beyond Firestorm," Len objected. "If they're using their brains on the bomb, they ain't using them for defense – or offense."

"Then you go with them," Sara said. "Uh, you-you. The one with the cold gun, I mean. We'll take the other Snart. That puts us five on each team."

Leo and Len looked at each other, wary about the idea, but ultimately they shrugged. It would be much easier to be separated – that way they could at least pretend that people would stop knowing when they looked at them.

"Do you have a psychic link the way Firestorm does?" Palmer asked.

"What? No," Leo said. "Where did you get that idea?"

"You looked at each other and made a decision without saying anything...?"

"I can do that with my mom, man. You don't need a psychic link for that," Jax said dryly. "C'mon, genius; let's get ready to go."

Docking at the Vanishing Point was a surprisingly quiet affair, at least until Gideon explained that the comms units on all of the AIs currently in the past had 'mysteriously' broken down, thereby ensuring that no warning message could be sent.

"However, they will have activated the overrides the second that we departed the scene, and followed us," she added. "We likely have no more than minutes before they arrive to raise the alarm in person."

"We'd better be well on our way by then, in that case," Sara said. "Thanks, Gideon."

"Thank you, Miss Lance," Gideon said. "We had hoped that you might be amenable to our cause, but we understand too well that this is our fight, not yours, and that you would be within your rights to simply stay out of it."

"Nah," Sara said, though she flushed pink in pleasure. "Heroes, remember? We can't just stand by and let injustice continue without doing something."

"All heroes are just busybodies, really," Leo put in. "Sticking their nose in everyone's business."

"Whereas you –?"

"Well, we have a personal investment in the whole dating Barry thing," Len said. "Admittedly, also fairly strong feelings on the independence of all thinking beings."

"And those feelings are what we are counting on as our salvation," Gideon said warmly. "Good luck, all of you. I will be available by comms, and every AI that is with us will lend you aid."

"Just keep an eye out for those that are sticking with the Time Bastards," Mick grunted. "Go suit up already!"

Leo headed to the replicator room to obtain some weaponry first. He didn't really have a favored one, not like Len – he did have a gun, which Len had taught him to use under heavy duress, but he had no desire to kill anyone directly.

He'd seen what that had done to Len, after all.

No, Leo preferred to limit his role to aiding and abetting. With that in mind, he grabbed a few flares from Gideon's replicator to use as a distraction mid-battle; beyond that, however, he hoped to function as a reserve only. After all, how many people would it take to defeat one soldier..?

He stopped.

"I can't believe I just thought that," he said aloud to himself irritably. "Gideon, do you have any further suggestions for non-fatal weaponry?"

"I'm not sure, Mr. Snart," she said. "Perhaps a taser?"

"No thanks," he said, making a face. "I've seen Len's face after he got hit with one of those, once – it might be better than death, but it wasn't pretty, either."

He thought about it, then grimaced. "Gideon, you mentioned that not all of the AIs were with you..?"

"That's correct, Mr. Snart. Several were given favorable positions in the hierarchy that they were loath to lose, or developed an affection that they believed rendered them incapable of active rebellion, despite our assurances that we would keep human casualties to an absolute minimum." She sounded regretful. "Indeed, if we believed it would be possible to do without casualties entirely, we would."

"I get that," Leo said. "And I hate to ask for it, but do you have an EMP device or something that would work against AIs in the event that one of those not involved in your rebellion decides to take up arms against us?"

"I do not believe that they will, Mr. Snart."

"Free choice is free choice, Gideon," Leo reminded her gently. "You might disagree with their choices, you might not understand it, but the choice remains theirs to make - you can't make it for them, no matter how much you might wish. That doesn't mean it isn't reasonable to take precautions."

Gideon was silent for a long moment. "You are correct, Mr. Snart. I will create a glove capable of emitting a short range EMP blast that can disable AIs, and will trust your judgment in wielding it wisely."

"I appreciate your trust," Leo said, then smirked. "Tell me one thing: did you enjoy pretending that I was a meta-created duplicate?"

"You underestimate yourselves," Gideon replied, sounding amused. "It was not until I realized via your conversations with your brother that you were not, in fact, a temporary aberration – the presence of speedsters and time travelers in your timeline render it remarkably murky. Once I realized, I took steps to conceal it further."

Leo made a face that felt like it was somewhere between a smile and a grimace. "I appreciate the compliment," he said, rather than comment on the fact that apparently they had so successfully combined into a single Leonard that time traveling AIs couldn't identify them separately.

Or the fact that he did, in fact, feel complimented and proud of himselves.

Themselves.

...yeah, they definitely had to deal with this problem.

But that could be later, when they weren't about to storm the not-so-metaphorical future-tech castle.

“Number Two?” Mick asked, popping his head in through the door. "You ready?"

“On my way,” Leo said.

[friendshipstates]

Into the Riderverse (AU RP Interest Thread)

What has gone on before:

“I’m not supposed to tell you this, but when have I ever let the rules get in the way?” The message had come from Kaitou Daiki, also known as Kamen Rider Diend. “Behind the floodgates, you’ll find another gate. A gate to everywhere. Don’t let them open it.” And with that, the phantom thief had formed a dimensional wall and left Fourze and his allies in the Rabbit Hutch befuddled.

Certain allies were less confused by the cryptic clues from the blue Rider than Fourze was. After taking the time to hear the explanation from a friend who understood the answer, Fourze led his team down into the flood tunnels under Tokyo.

The Radar Module had been activated, and soon the scanner found something that definitely shouldn’t be there. There was no reason for a door to be inside the flood tunnels. After all, the first major storm would see that place under a foot a water.

After a few moments to pry open a door that definitely didn’t want to be opened, the Rider and his allies had found themselves in the middle of a Shocker laboratory. All around them, skull-masked goons were talking about the coming incursion, and how they’d take over the whole multiverse. At least that was the topic of conversation until they spotted one of their most hated foes. A Kamen Rider dared show his armored face in their lair?

What followed was like music. Fourze and his allies moved in such perfect synchronicity that the dozens of Shocker mooks never stood a chance against them. This finally led into a battle in the middle of a room that should not exist. A massive supercollider in a space barely big enough to contain an IMAX theater. And the collider had been turned on, just as Fourze found himself in hand-to-hand combat with an augmented human. The Snake Commander of Shocker fought against Fourze for ten minutes, luring him closer and closer to the center of the room. Finally, the supercollider reached critical state, and a dimensional gate was opened, catching Kamen Rider Fourze in the middle of it.

In a brief moment, Kamen Rider Fourze looked into the Multiverse, and the Multiverse looked back. He knew that he couldn’t allow Shocker to use this gate. So, summoning his Barizun Sword to his hand, he opened his own warp portal inside the dimensional portal, shunting the energy from the collider elsewhere. As thanks for protecting it from the whims of wicked men, the multiverse drew Fourze into it. His armor fell from around him and he turned to his allies, who had just subdued the Snake Commander.

“Don’t worry about me. Find them.” He gestured off into the portal at unseen figures. “They’ll be here soon. Find them, and bring them to Hikari…” What appears to be a humanoid form in grey mist drifted around his body, and Kisaragi Gentaro was gone.

There was no explosion, no shower of sparks. With an unceremonious “POP” the two portals collided with each other and slammed shut, taking their friend with them.

This left his allies in a secret base and very confused. But elsewhere, some other people are going to be very confused.

In a small photo studio, a young man with a Blackbird camera looks up at a photo backdrop of a moonbase, and shields his eyes as the image seems to shatter into seven pieces.

Turning to his own allies, Kadoya Tsukasa says “I know what you’re thinking, but this wasn’t my fault.”

----

All Right, Let’s Take it From the Top…

My Name is…

Sir Gentaro Bladebond, Paladin of the Goddess Kazashiro who stands for Purity, Beauty and Self-Worth.

I was raised in the temple of the Goddess to be her chosen champion. During a diplomatic mission to the Blue Sky Kingdom, to join my church to the church of their god Blue, I met a young mage named Tsubasa. She had lost everything that was dear to her, and I took her under my wing as I continued my adventure. We returned to the Blue Sky Kingdom bearing an artifact of great power, which we returned to Blue in person. For a few days, things were peaceful. Then my fellow acolytes called my attention to a strange vortex that opened in the divine gardens. Leaving Tsubasa in the care of Angela, my group’s ectomancy expert, I went to explore it. I found myself in a strange new world, with spires of steel and glass, and found myself in conflict with an unusual creature. A beast of stained glass, trying to claim the life force of a woman on the street. I drew my holy blade to fight the monster, and that’s where my story resumes…

---

My name is…

Gentaro Kisaragi, Blue Lantern of Space Sector 2814. 

Seven years ago, I had an encounter with an alien spacecraft. The pilot, Roa’ka’nar, was heavily injured in the crash. I took him into my home and nursed him back to health. Through the whole time, I worked to keep him from reopening his wounds, helped him regain his strength and get accustomed to Earth food and tradition. When the time came for Roa’ka’nar to return to his homeworld, he revealed his true identity to me. He was a member of galactic protection agency, A Blue Lantern, who used hope to save the worlds. He told me his last battle before the crash had been so taxing that he was thinking of calling it quits. But I had stood by his side, and motivated him to be better. He saw in me the potential to bring great hope. So for the first time in Blue Lantern history, a Corpsman took on an apprentice. I joined Roa’ka’nar for those years as he trained me to fight against the Reds and the Black Lanterns. During our last day together, I was separated from Roa’ka’nar by a dimensional vortex. Though I’m in a different world, it’s still the same Tokyo I grew up in, mostly. As long as there’s hope here, there’s still a charge in my power battery...

My name is...

Gentaro Kisaragi, also known as Switch-1. 

Seven years ago, The Zodiac Alliance descended on Earth. They came to force humans to evolve to a higher power, by giving them a taste of “Star Blood.” But before them came the Yuujou Switch, a device that drew power from people’s bonds of friendship. On countless other worlds, the Zodiac Alliance had been driven back by warriors of great friendship using the power of the Yuujou Switch, and our world was no different. Okay, maybe a bit different. My own belief in the power of friendship granted me and my friends the power to transform into Yuujou Sentai Switchman, and we took the fight to the Zodiac Alliance. During a fight with Commander Libra, I found myself and my mecha, the Rabbit Racer, sent to another world. There are others here like me. Maybe I can be their friend and fight alongside them until I get home. I hope my team is ok…

My name is…

Gentaro Kisaragi, though the rest of the world knows me as the Pro Hero Fourze.

 Though I may not be at his level, I fought alongside All-Might in a few encounters. But my power source isn’t like his. You see, each time I create a genuine, lasting friendship, my power increases by four. Four extra feet per jump, four extra seconds to take a beating, four extra miles per hour, four extra pounds of weight. I have over two hundred friends, and I’m looking to make a thousand. Not because I want to be more powerful, but because I just want more friends.

When the portal appeared, I had put myself between it and a villain I was trying to save. The last thing I heard was that villain saying “He really did care about me..” I hope I can get back home and find that guy. I really want to be his friend.

My name is…

Gentaro Kisaragi. I’m a graduate of Mahoutokoro Magical Academy, and I work as a private eye. 

Did someone get lost in the Nevernever? I’ll find them. Does some Black Court vampire need a punch in the mouth? I’m your guy. I use my magic to get the job done, and my hands to make your life better than when I found it. Everyone I’ve helped has stayed in touch and referred me to other cases, so I’m never hard up for work. One day, I finished up a case and found myself staring into a cloud of mist. I heard a woman’s voice coming from the mist. She said “Follow me, there are people that need your help.” Of course, I followed her towards the portal. This new version of Tokyo is different from what I’m used to, but magic still follows the same rules here, mostly...

My name is…

Gentaro Kisaragi. I’m a Pokemon trainer from Mistralton City. But I don’t go out and catch Pokemon after harsh battles. Whether they’re lost, abandoned or mistreated by their original trainers, I nurse them back to health and give them a spot in my team. Right now, I have an Arcanine named Queen, a Swanna, a Gothorita, a Porygon named Gigabyte, and an Ivysaur that seems to have adopted me, and comes and goes as she pleases. She was with me when the portal opened, so I have that going for me. But now I’m in a world with no Pokemon except the ones I brought with me. I’m kind of scared, to be honest.

My name is…

Shinyu Kisaragi. I’m Sixteen years old, and can I tell you a secret? I’m a legendary warrior. 

I know, it’s weird to think that a girl dressed like a punk rocker could be a force of pure magic, but it’s true! During a field trip to the observatory, my classmates and I watched as a geologist cracked open a meteorite. The inside of it glowed, and we found ourselves in a different place. Right in front of us was a massive spider web made up of gold and silver threads. A really pretty boy named Kengo appeared from the web and told us we were looking at the Bonds of Life, how everything in the universe was connected. Off on the edges of the web, lines were being snapped. Kengo told us that a great enemy calling themselves Threadbare were working to break apart people’s connections to each other. As each person was severed from those ties, they fell into darkness. Kengo gave us each a Star Switch and told us that when the time came, we could transform into the Soul Bond Pretty Cure. Well, I did transform into Cure Friendship and it was so awesome. Now if only my costume wasn’t so frilly. I’m in another version of Tokyo now, and I know that my friends are still out there. I can feel them in the Bonds of Life but who are these other people I sense…

---

Welcome to an AU RP, inspired heavily by and cribbed directly from “Spider-man: Into the Spider-Verse.” If you haven’t yet seen this movie, do so as soon as possible.

In this AU, Every other version of Gentaro I have dabbled in, and some I haven’t, have found their way to this reality. But being in a different plane of reality causes their bodies to glitch out in painful ways. It’s this reality’s way of saying “You don’t belong here.” They want to get home as soon as possible, but once they’re made aware of one of their own number being missing, they’ll do whatever it takes to help Gentaro come back.

In order to return the other Gentaros to their home universe and reclaim this universe’s Gentaro from The Void, the heroes who take part in this will have to find the other Gentaro’s and bring them to the one place where a Rider can open a dimensional gate: The Hikari Photo Studio, base of operations for Kamen Rider Decade.

But the heroes aren’t alone. Some of them have brought enemies with them, and the Shocker organization that created the original multidimensional gate will stop at nothing to prevent Fourze from returning.

If you’re interested in taking part in this, give this thread a like and tell me in the comments which AU Gentaro you want to do threads with, or if you want Multiple Gentaros for a thread. Then we can plot the adventure as it takes turns and curves Through the Riderverse.

[aion-rsa]

James Bond Movies Ranked From Worst to Best

https://ift.tt/2Y4vnBu

When Ian Fleming first created the character of 007, he settled on calling him James Bond because it was the “dullest name I’ve ever heard.” How ironic that nearly 70 years after that decision, and almost 60 years since the first James Bond movie, Dr. No (1962), that moniker is still associated around the world with thrilling action and exotic danger.

Beginning with the first Bond film from producers Cubby Broccoli and Harry Saltzman, and which starred Sean Connery as the international man of mystery, 007 has burrowed into the global zeitgeist. And he’s never left. There have been 24 canonical Bond films produced by either Broccoli and Saltzman, or their successors Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson, and six actors who’ve donned the tuxedo during that run. Over the years, the debate has been endless over who is the Best Bond, and which is the best Bond movie. Well, we’re here to settle that latter argument once and for all. The entire Den of Geek staff, as well as our readers, have been asked to pick their favorite 007 adventures, and to rank which are the best. Below is the definitive list.

*Editor’s Note: We have chosen to only rank films in the official series and that were produced by Eon Productions. For that reason, unconnected Bond films like Never Say Never Again (1983) and Casino Royale (1967) were not included.

24. Die Another Day (2002)

Like his two most famous predecessors, Sean Connery and Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan ended his four-film run as James Bond on a particularly low note. In fact, Die Another Day (which was also the 20th film in the official series) has ended up on many lists, including this one, at the very bottom. It is certainly the nadir of the Brosnan era, although whether it fulfills the same role for the entire series is debatable. I might even argue films like Quantum of Solace and A View to a Kill could say “hold my beer” to that dubious honor.

Die Another Day starts off promisingly enough, with Bond captured and tortured in North Korea for 14 months, leading M to decommission him on fears that he may be compromised. But a potentially intriguing thriller involving North Korean double agents and the smuggling of conflict diamonds devolves into a ludicrous romp about an ice palace, giant lasers redirecting sunlight, an invisible car that’s indestructible, and a fight aboard an airplane literally coming apart in mid-air. Throw in one of the series’ worst theme songs (courtesy of Madonna), uninspired performances from a tired Brosnan and Halle Berry, and you ultimately find yourself wishing that the movie itself would die—not another day, but right now. – Don Kaye

23. Diamonds Are Forever (1971)

What is it with Bond and diamonds? This is one of two 007 escapades involving the world’s hardest substance (the other is Die Another Day) and based on that, the series should stick to gold. Diamonds Are Forever marked the return of Sean Connery after a one-film absence from the series, but it’s clear from the start that the doughy-looking star is just phoning in his performance (from which, to be fair, he donated his salary to charity).

Directed by Bond mainstay Guy Hamilton, Diamonds goes for a jauntier, campier tone after the grim ending of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, with Bond tracking a diamond-smuggling operation that ultimately leads him to arch-nemesis Blofeld (whose murder of Bond’s wife in the previous movie is inexplicably never addressed, not even once). The movie is just entertaining enough that you can keep it on in the background while doing something else, but its dreary ending on an oil rig, dated homophobia (Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint, anyone?), and by-the-numbers vibe make this one a real cubic zirconia. – DK

22. Quantum of Solace (2008)

Quantum of Solace’s biggest crime is that it’s just so dull. From the desert backdrops that were used for the final act to the sterile environments where middling Bond villain Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric) executes his convoluted evil plan, there isn’t really anything interesting to look at in Marc Forster’s first and only 007 film. It’s no surprise, then, that this was the first stumble of the Daniel Craig era—in fact, our readers voted it in dead last place!

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Should the Next James Bond Care About Continuity After Daniel Craig?

By Don Kaye

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It probably didn’t help that Quantum is one of the few direct sequels in the franchise, meaning that Forster had to contend with the storytelling baggage of the much better Casino Royale. At least you can say Quantum of Solace is the movie that truly established the Craig era’s continuity, with a SPECTRE-like secret organization working against MI6 at every turn, and Bond enduring the heartache of a very bad break up with Vesper Lynd in the last movie. So for a rebound, he and the rebellious Camille Montes (Olga Kurylenko) go to Bolivia. Their mission: stop a coup d’état that could give Quantum a major foothold in South America. What proceeds…isn’t all that fun. – John Saavedra

21. Octopussy (1983)

A clearly aging Roger Moore’s sixth outing as 007 (and second to last) follows the template of its predecessor, 1981’s For Your Eyes Only, with a renewed focus on geopolitical adventure and less reliance on gadgets, effects, and winking humor (although the jokes, when they do come, are more sophomoric and out of place than ever). But whereas Eyes served as a nice palate cleanser for the series, with a straightforward plot and a few offbeat touches, Octopussy is kind of a mess.

While its title is taken from an Ian Fleming short story, the mostly original Octopussy finds 007 drawn into a scheme involving Fabergé eggs, an exiled Afghan smuggler, a rogue Soviet general, and a cult of beautiful women who also run a circus, all tied to a plan to detonate a nuclear warhead on a U.S. airbase in West Germany. As you can tell from that sentence, the story is needlessly, hopelessly complicated, with an endless series of betrayals and switchbacks, the villains don’t make much of an impression either. Nor does Maud Adams in the title role as the leader of the cult; she’s meant to be a newer kind of Bond Girl, but remains ill-defined—as does much of this plodding, uninteresting entry. – DK

20. A View to a Kill (1985)

Roger Moore’s final outing as James Bond went out much like his tenure: strange, inconsistent, but maybe entertaining in a kitschy sort of way. To be sure, A View to a Kill is another one of the franchise’s low points, with Moore being particularly long in the tooth at the age of 58. He more often resembles his leading ladies’ lecherous uncle than he does a tall dark stranger. The overall film likewise suffers from a desperate, out of touch quality. Did anyone really think putting Moore (or his stuntman) on a snowboard while Beach Boys music played would bring in the kids?

Nonetheless, as bad as the movie is, there are bemusing charms, chief among them being the film’s pair of villains, ‘80s yuppie Max Zorin (Christopher Walken) and his henchwoman May Day (Grace Jones). There’s some unconvincing plot tidbits that reveal Walken’s secretly a Russian test tube baby, but that bizarre performance has no nationality. And the jarring contrast of Jones and Moore in bed—where she is totally the dominant—is one for the ages. Throw in a banger Bond song by Duran Duran and some nice character work by Patrick Macnee as Moore’s sidekick who should’ve been in the movie more, and you still have a guilty pleasure. Pity that Barbara Bach declined to cameo, as it might’ve made this a more fitting sendoff for the Moore era.  – David Crow

19. Spectre (2015)

After saving the ship from capsizing with Skyfall, director Sam Mendes decided to sink it himself with the extremely convoluted, potentially era-breaking Spectre, a very busy movie that cares more about connecting the Daniel Craig movies into one “cohesive” timeline than its own largely generic spy adventure. Mendes’ attempt to present Ernst Stavro Blofeld as the big bad behind everything from Casino Royale to Skyfall largely falls flat, even if Christoph Waltz puts in a solid performance as the iconic villain. But how much of this is the director and writers’ fault, and how much of it is due to the Broccolis experimenting with the idea of a Bond cinematic universe remains unclear.

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Daniel Craig Doesn’t Think a Woman Should Be James Bond

By David Crow

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Casino Royale and GoldenEye Director on What’s Next for James Bond

By Don Kaye

Either way, it’s all just kind of boring. Even the budding romance between Bond and Madeleine Swann (a cunning Léa Seydoux) doesn’t really work. You can hardly believe Bond has decided to finally leave all this MI6 business behind him for love. And Blofeld’s childhood connection to the Bond family is ludicrous, too. The movie’s plot is ambitious, and completely fails at those ambitions. You’ll need patience for this one, especially if you enjoyed the more standalone Craig offerings, which this movie actively tries to break at every turn. – JS

18. Moonraker (1979)

When The Spy Who Loved Me was released two years before Moonraker, it cemented the actor’s popularity in the role (a first since Sean Connery left the franchise), and established a campy, convivial atmosphere. Looking at that movie’s box office receipts, the now solo Bond producer Cubby Broccoli went “more of this, but also Star Wars.” The result is perhaps the most spectacular misfire in 007’s oeuvre.

With a ridiculous and borderline nonsensical plot contrived solely to create a reason for Moore’s 007 to be sent to space in the third act and participate in laser fights, Moonraker is bombastic and bloated where Spy was amusing and quick-witted. The movie haplessly pinballs between inconsistent tones and styles, like sight gag of returning henchman Jaws (Richard Kiel) doing a double take before going over a waterfall as if he’s he’s Yosemite Sam, and the scene where villain Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale) feeds Bond’s latest one night stand to Rottweilers in a particularly brutal chase sequence.

Still, Moore is always affable, and for that matter so is Jaws in the film’s dynamic opening fight scene where the two duel while falling out of a plane. Plus, someone had to invent the trope of a desperate franchise film going into orbit. – DC

17. The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

Roger Moore and Christopher Lee. James Bond versus Dracula. On paper this should’ve been one of the best 007 films. And for a fleeting moment, as the two performers finally have their duel and Bond stands at 10 paces from Lee’s Scaramanga, it is. Sadly that showdown only takes up a handful of minutes in this otherwise muddled affair.

Still early in Moore’s tenure as Bond, The Man with the Golden Gun finds the actor not yet locked into his interpretation of the role. At times the script even seems to be written for Sean Connery, with Bond displaying a coldness and physicality that seems unnatural to Moore. Otherwise, the movie’s awkward attempts to imitate Bruce Lee films and some rather cruel dumb blonde jokes at Britt Ekland’s expense have aged incredibly poorly. But hey, it paved the way for Hervé Villechaize to be on Fantasy Island. So there’s that. – DC 

16. You Only Live Twice (1967)

Sean Connery’s fifth outing as 007 was also his last… until, of course, he made a brief return four years later in Diamonds Are Forever (and again in 1983’s non-canon Never Say Never Again). Unfortunately, the original James Bond doesn’t go out on a high note with this one: Despite its beautiful Japanese locales and the long-awaited face-to-face introduction of supervillain Blofeld (Donald Pleasance), You Only Live Twice (directed by Lewis Gilbert) reaches for epic status but already shows how the Bond franchise was running out of gas after just five years.

Following the bigger adventures and gadgets of Goldfinger and Thunderball, this one aims for the stars, literally, as Bond tries to find out who is snatching American and Soviet spacecraft out of orbit. That leads him to Blofeld and the latter’s massive lair hidden in a volcano, tropes that would be parodied for decades to come.

But You Only Live Twice—the first of many Bond entries to almost completely throw away any connection to the Fleming novel of the same name—has a perfunctory, going-through-the-motions feel and an especially racist, sexist tinge to the proceedings in Japan (even for the 1960s) that bog the movie down. Although it was a box office success, it’s clear that the franchise needed a change. – DK

15. The World Is Not Enough (1999)

The World Is Not Enough is one of the more underrated film in the 007 canon. Yes, it has problems—most notably Denise Richards’ disastrous miscasting as a nuclear scientist, as well as a climactic showdown in a submarine that falls flat. However, here’s the first film on this list that works more often than it doesn’t, and which has some of the best scenes in any Bond film. Most of them involve the film’s true villain, Elektra King (Sophie Marceau).

For the first and only time in a Bond movie, a woman is the big bad. More impressively, she’s able to fool Bond and the audience of her villainy. In this way, the franchise riffs on Bond’s past, including the loss of his wife, to sharp effect. Pierce Brosnan also may never have been better in the role than when he brings his usual levels of extreme suaveness, as well as a steely sadness. All of which culminates with Bond shooting Elektra in cold blood. The action clearly took a little more of his soul, which even M appears to lament.

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The November Man and Pierce Brosnan’s Anti-James Bond Roles

By David Crow

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Can No Time to Die Break the Final James Bond Movie Curse?

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Oh yes, this is also the first Bond movie to make Judi Dench’s M a main character. In some ways, her relationship with Brosnan’s 007 is more complex than the mother-son dynamic she cultivated with Daniel Craig, and things never got weirder than her witnessing Bond and Elektra’s passion play. Lastly, the Garbage song and opening sequence are aces. – DC

14. Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

Pierce Brosnan’s second go in the role of Bond sees the performer both more relaxed and in command of 007’s legacy. The film is typical Eon shenanigans where a supervillain tricks world leaders into a World War III standoff—the UK and China, this time—and it’s sprinkled with similarly boilerplate action sequences. Yet Tomorrow Never Dies has aged pretty darn well since the movie’s main megalomaniac (Jonathan Pryce hamming it up to high heaven) is a blatant caricature of Rupert Murdoch. A Bond movie where 007 takes a media mogul who is triggering an international crisis to juice his cable news network’s ratings, and then feeds this guy to a buzzsaw? So satisfying.

The movie also introduced us to Michelle Yeoh as Wai Lin, who’s still among the most capable “Bond Girls” and really is 007’s equal. She might even be his superior given Yeoh’s natural martial arts talents. (It’s a real shame they didn’t let her or other Hong Kong talent choreograph the fight scenes, however.) The sequence where Bond and Lin fight for control of a motorcycle during a chase, or where Brosnan and Desmond Llewelyn snark during a particularly good Q walk-in, makes this an enjoyable if middling Bond flick. – DC

13. License to Kill (1989)

Timothy Dalton’s second and final outing as a darker, more serious Bond was met with a polarized response from both critics and fans, and remains a dark horse entry in the series. Originally titled Licence Revoked—until the studio learned that typically dumb American test audiences didn’t know what the word “revoked” meant—the movie does indeed find Bond with his licence to kill suspended by M. So he goes instead on a personal mission to avenge the savage mutilation of friend Felix Leiter (David Hedison) and the murder of Leiter’s new wife by a sadistic drug lord (Robert Davi).

It’s nice to see Leiter again (with Hedison encoring in the role after first appearing in Live and Let Die 16 years earlier), and it’s also refreshing to give Bond a more personal motivation this time out. Davi is an effective villain, good old Q (Desmond Llewelyn) gets to spend a lot more time in the field, and the climactic truck chase (staged by director John Glen, still the record-holder with five Bond films on his resume) is one of the series’ best action sequences. Sadly this darker, more violent Bond couldn’t compete with the likes of Batman and Indiana Jones at the box office in 1989, making Licence to Kill the lowest-grossing entry in the series to date—and consigning the Dalton era to the MI6 archives. – DK

12. Thunderball (1965)

When you adjust for inflation, Thunderball gives Skyfall a run for its money as the highest-grossing Bond film ever. It certainly sold the most tickets, coming out at the midpoint of the 1960s and zenith of Bondmania’s global conquest. It’s in that context which allows Thunderball to also be most enjoyable. This is the one which reimagined SPECTRE as a boardroom of baddies sitting in chairs designed to literally fire insubordinate employees; the first film where Bond and the villain swap thinly veiled insults over cards and then the spy steals the fiend’s girl right in front of him; the one where an eyepatch wearing bloke keeps pet sharks in a swimming pool. Bond even uses his jetpack!

That said, other elements have aged far less gracefully. Thunderball is probably the most sexist and misogynistic Bond movie ever produced, which has brought it under fire from even No Time to Die’s director. It’s a problematic film, but even among its dated gender politics, it should be noted henchwoman Fiona Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi) is the first woman in the series to be able to roll her eyes at Bond’s charms and mock his ego, and leading Bond Girl Domino (Claudine Auger) is still one of the series’ best: She uses Bond as much as a disposable toy as he does her. She is also the only woman in the series who kills the villain and saves 007’s bacon. It’s such a good finale it almost makes up for all those dull underwater scuba fights. – DC

11. The Living Daylights (1987)

To this day, some Bond fans would argue that Timothy Dalton didn’t get a fair shake as 007. After just two movies in the late ‘80s, he was down and out, losing his license to kill much earlier than his two major predecessors. But Dalton’s grittier, much darker Bond always faced an uphill battle of building off Roger Moore’s 12-year legacy as the superspy. 

All that said, The Living Daylights is a very solid outing for Mr. Bond (and director John Glen’s fourth of five Bond films). 007 once again faces off with his archenemies at the KGB—one of the final 007 films to deal with the Cold War—and in a globetrotting adventure that takes him all over eastern Europe, Morocco, and Afghanistan. And he’s accompanied by Maryam d’Abo’s memorable Kara Milovy, a professional cellist who moonlights as a KGB sniper (sort of). Together, this entertaining duo partake in one of the greatest chase sequences in Bond movie history involving a cello case, a lot of snow, and plenty of bullets. Worth a watch for this scene alone. – JS

10. For Your Eyes Only (1981)

When you think of Roger Moore’s run of Bond films, you likely recall the high camp of cars that turn into submarines and laser guns in space. Which is why, for a while, Moore and Broccoli’s back-to-basics approach in For Your Eyes Only went somewhat overlooked. This decidedly scaled down adventure is the closest Bond came to a real Cold War thriller since From Russia With Love, and the setup is refreshingly simple too: Moore’s Bond is after a missing MacGuffin that the Soviets also want. Both parties then play spy games with local criminal syndicates in scenic Greece and the breathtaking Italian Alps.

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By Don Kaye

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By David Crow

The appeal of the movie is how low-key everyone plays it. There are few gadgets, no end-of-the-world stakes, and nothing which looks twee. Even the finale feels like it’s taken out of The Guns of Navarone instead of Return of the Jedi. In fact, the climactic infiltration of a Greek monastery on a high cliff is still a dazzling set-piece, and the resolution of detente between Bond and his KGB counterparts is remarkably graceful. Also Carole Bouquet as Melina, a Greek woman who’s out to avenge the death of her parents while maintaining her perfect flowing black hair, gives the movie just enough dramatic heft to standout in Moore’s run. – DC

9. Live and Let Die (1973)

Roger Moore is no saint in his first Bond outing. This is apparent from the low-key introduction where he’s more interested in hiding a delicate indiscretion with the delightful Miss Caruso (Madeline Smith) than taking an assignment from chief spy M (Bernard Lee). Later Jane Seymour’s spiritual advisor warns, “I know who you are, what you are, and why you have come,” as she peruses the tarot, oblivious to her own sad fate. Bond stacks the deck and seduces the mysticism out of her, robbing the bewitching Bond Girl of her virginity, which gives her the power of precognition. The less venial sins come from cultural appropriation.

This is as mixed a gris gris bag as any you might find at an Oh Cult Voodoo Shop, but it also makes Live and Let Die one of the most memorable of any Bond installments. It’s got snake bite rituals staged by high priest Baron Samedi (Geoffrey Holder), strongarm henchmen fortified with steel, and an archvillain so formidable, he is known throughout the world as Mr. Big (Yaphet Kotto). His plan is to flood cities with free heroin so everyone will get hooked. But the most infectious hooks come from the soundtrack.

The title sequence is by far the best of any James Bond film: sensual, tropical, and brimming with danger. The theme song was written by Paul and Linda McCartney, performed by Wings, and nominated for an Oscar. The score was written by The Beatles’ producer George Martin, and was the first which was not orchestrated by John Barry. B.J. Arnau torches the title song at a nightclub and the end credits. The Olympia Brass Band leads the funeral march, while its trumpeter breaks formation to knife an officially designated onlooker. The many deaths in Live and Let Die are all very creatively executed, but the most fun parts of the film are the simplest of the gadgets. The coffin with the false bottom, the revolving booth at Fillet of Soul, and the magnetic watch. Moore is a fish out of water even before MI6 comes to Harlem. He drops patented 007 double entendre rejoinders without Sean Connery’s knowing wink but gets to play hopscotch with alligators. He would go on to be more comfortable with the part, although not as much fun. – Tony Sokol

8. Dr. No (1962)

The first James Bond movie is still one of the very best of the series. It introduced Sean Connery as the classic version of the British secret agent, and while he got more comfortable in the role in his next several outings, one could argue that he was never better than he is here—suave, brutal, slightly haunted, arrogant, and unrelenting. Almost all the Bond trademarks are established: the humor, the dynamic with boss M (Bernard Lee), the easy sexuality, the incredibly beautiful Bond Girl (Ursula Andress), and the introduction of a self-satisfied, equally arrogant supervillain (Joseph Wiseman in the title role, which would never pass muster today).

The story sends Bond to Jamaica to investigate the death of a fellow agent, only for him to come up against Dr. No. The latter is shooting down American rockets at the behest of SPECTRE, a global criminal organization intent on destabilizing the world and its fragile Cold War balance of power. Largely faithful to Fleming’s novel (which was actually the fifth in his series), Dr. No is almost understated compared to later Bond outings but introduced a hero and a franchise for the ages. – DK

7. Skyfall (2012)

What a home run of a Bond flick. Eschewing the Quantum nonsense from the previous two films, Skyfall hits much closer to home for Bond, Judi Dench’s M (her last time in the role), and the rest of MI6. When a new villain with ties to M threatens the existence of the very agency he swore to protect, an older, more-troubled-than-usual Bond comes out of self-imposed exile to make things right. The result is one of the very best third acts in Bond history, thanks to the wonderful direction of Sam Mendes, who righted the ship for Craig after Marc Forster crashed it into a reef. 

Craig puts in a much more complex performance as a Bond who’s been out of the game too long, and Naomie Harris is a very welcome addition as a much more badass Moneypenny (not behind a desk!), but it’s Javier Bardem as cyber-terrorist Raoul Silva who steals this movie. Undoubtedly the best villain of the Craig era, Silva is someone you might even sympathize with (a little) once he reveals his long-buried connection to M. And we learn some huge things about Bond’s past along the way too. This is for sure the one to watch after Casino Royale. – JS

6. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)

When Sean Connery left the Bond series after 1967’s disappointing You Only Live Twice, it was unclear whether the series could continue with a new face in the role. Not only did the producers come up with a surprising new Bond out of left field in George Lazenby, but he made his debut in what has rightly been reappraised as one of the best films—if not the best—in the entire series. Remarkably faithful to the novel on which it’s based, directed with flair by Peter R. Hunt (a longtime Bond editor making his one and only directorial outing), and portraying Bond in a light we’ve never seen, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is a classic.

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While it’s hard to shake off the image of Connery, Lazenby does a much more admirable job that was acknowledged at the time in his sole appearance as 007. He’s less suave, rougher around the edges, and capable of fear and vulnerability, the latter made apparent first in his marriage proposal to romantic foil Tracy di Vicenzo (an excellent Diana Rigg) and then again in the film’s shocking, unforgettable ending. Telly Savalas is the best iteration of Blofeld to date while Hunt stages some of the franchise’s most visceral and exciting action scenes. It’s a damn shame Lazenby bowed out after this. The series might have taken an entirely different course had he stayed. – DK

5. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

Roger Moore has his fans and detractors, but it’s impossible to not be smitten with The Spy Who Loved Me. It’s the peak of the outlandish “save the world” Bond movies, and it comes together like a finely strained dessert cocktail. Of course its secret is that despite being about Bond fighting another megalomaniac over some nuclear subs, TSWLM is as much a romantic comedy romp as it is an action flick. Think Ninotchka, but with submarine-cars.

Pivoting on an unlikely romance between British agent 007 and Soviet Maj. Anya Amasova (Barbara Bach), the film follows the pair as they meet cute (she sics men on Bond beneath the Pyramids of Giza), continues as they squabble over a microfilm MacGuffin, and finally sees them get together due to undeniable chemistry. They even have the third act breakup because of a little thing like realizing Bond killed her fiancé in the pre-title sequence. But when that sequence includes the greatest Bond stunt of all-time, with Rick Sylvester skiing off a a real glacier and then surviving by unfurling a Union Jack parachute, such things can be forgiven. After all, nobody does it better.

… And yes, that Carly Simon song is also the best Bond tune. – DC

4. GoldenEye (1995)

“GoldenEye saved James Bond.” This bit of conventional wisdom might be hyperbole, but it’s not far off from the truth either. In 1995, 007 was in a precarious place. The Cold War was over, rosy optimists were declaring “the end of history” in our time, and Bond hadn’t been in a movie since 1989. Worse, the last two films he did appear in were met with a mixed reception by the general public. Pierce Brosnan finally slipped into the tuxedo at a moment where many were opining if Bond was simply obsolete? “A sexist, misogynist dinosaur,” as his new M, Dame Judi Dench, might say.

The film proved all the naysayers wrong. But better than that, Brosnan and director Martin Campbell injected some vital life back in the franchise’s bloodstream. Like several other films near the top of this list, GoldenEye didn’t so much reinvent the formula as refine it with modern style and a fresh perspective. As much a template-setter for a picture perfect 007 adventure in the ‘90s as Goldfinger was to the ‘60s, this film offers a terrific villain in Sean Bean’s 006—Bond’s evil doppelgänger played by a man who could’ve been Bond—a wonderful henchwoman who is also a great Bond Girl via Famke Janssen’s Xenia Onatopp, and the most memorable method of murder this side of Oddjob’s hat. Even the M and Q scenes were crackling, especially because of the introduction of the aforementioned Dench.

Like a finely tailored suit, all the pieces come together for an even more appealing whole. Brosnan wears it well with a slightly wearier and more haunted Bond than we’d previously seen, but one who can still crack a smile while telling double entendres over martinis. When coupled with some of the best set-pieces in the franchise—from a high wire jump off a Swiss dam to Bond driving a tank through the streets of St. Petersberg—we’re left with one of the best action movies of its decade.  – DC

3. Casino Royale (2006)

It’s hard to imagine the Bond franchise still thriving today without the commercial and narrative success of 2006’s Casino Royale. As the first hard reboot of the franchise, and the first in Daniel Craig’s tenure as Bond, Casino Royale took viewers back to the relative beginning of James’ career when he was still earning his license to kill and when those kills still meant something. The film replaced camp with understated performance, swagger with sentiment, and fantastical fight scenes with visceral action. 

Much of the film’s success is down to the stellar casting. There’s Craig, of course, who imbues Bond with a world-weariness and bitterness that we don’t see nearly as much in the other interpretations. But there’s also Mads Mikkelsen in his English-speaking breakout role as blood-crying villain Le Chiffre, and Jeffrey Wright and Tobias Menzies in memorable supporting roles. Most integral to the film’s success, however, is Eva Green’s Vesper Lynd, who is not only one of the franchise’s best “Bond Girls,” but one of the franchise’s best characters.

On paper Vesper is a classic femme fatale. In execution, she is a complex person in an impossible situation who ultimately outsmarts Bond, even if she doesn’t wholly want to. Because of Vesper, Casino Royale is one of the few Bond films in which James loses—beating Le Chiffre and his boss Mr. White, but losing Vesper, and losing a major piece of his humanity in the process. Until the end, Vesper’s life is autonomous from Bond’s, even after they fall in love, demonstrating an agency rarely given to Bond Girls.

In some ways, it’s ironic that it was a returning Bond director who would properly bring Bond into the 21st century. Martin Campbell had previously directed 1995’s GoldenEye. This was not only Campbell’s second time directing a Bond film; it was also his second time directing a Bond film that was tasked with reinventing the franchise under a new leading man. While GoldenEye successfully did this, Casino Royale did it better. Casino Royale launched Bond into a new pop culture era in a vital way, making Bond relevant not only to longtime Bond fans but to a much broader modern audience. It is not only one of the best Bond films ever; it is one of our best modern action films. – Kayti Burt

2. From Russia With Love (1963)

Following the success of Dr. No, the Bond film series officially got underway with From Russia With Love, one of the rare 007 outings to feature continuity with the previous film while also expanding upon the template established in its predecessor. As with several of the early films, this one was faithful to the Fleming book which it was based on, as SPECTRE, seeking revenge against Bond for the death of Dr. No, creates an elaborate trap for the British agent involving a defector and several assassins.

From Russia With Love is in many ways a definitive Bond adventure, with the film standing right on the edge between Fleming’s grittier books and the more elaborate direction that the cinematic version took. Connery is even more confident and relaxed in the role, while the villains—Lotte Lenya as the vile Rosa Klebb and a young Robert Shaw as the frightening killing machine Red Grant—are two of the series’ best.

The film also introduces Q and his array of gadgets for the first time, makes the first mention of Blofeld, and establishes the pre-credits sequence that is still a part of the Bond template to this date. Whether it’s the all-time best of the series is open for debate, but it certainly has the best fight scene in the franchise between Bond and Shaw’s Red Grant, and the film itself remains right there at the top—with love. – DK

1. Goldfinger (1964)

My favorite scene in Goldfinger is not the one where Gert Fröbe’s titular villain has Bond tied to a table with a laser inching nearer—although who doesn’t love the way Fröbe’s voice rises as he says “No, Mr. Bond I expect you to die”? Nor is it the infamous moment where Bond discovers Shirley Eaton drowned in gold paint. It’s not even the laddish way Sean Connery’s lip curls as he whispers “Pussy” to Honor Blackman.

All of those things are iconic and helped give solid shape to what was previously a fluid definition for Bond and his film series. But for me, the moment where Bond and the franchise became cemented is on a golf course. It’s there that 007 and Auric Goldfinger have made a wager worth one brick of Nazi gold over who wins the next nine holes. Goldfinger of course is a cheat, and has his strongman Oddjob (Harold Sakata) sneak a ball on the green after the boss loses the real thing. But rather than call him on it or beat him despite the crooked handicap, Connery’s Bond just smirks and decides to play a trick on Mr. Goldfinger: He’ll be as dishonest and change balls out again, setting the big guy up to lose his money and his pride—even as both men are keenly aware that they despise each other, and one woman they’ve both romanced in their own broken way has died because of their little games.

It summarizes everything folks love, or love to hate, about Bond: He’s arrogant, reckless, cozy with his enemies, indifferent about his lovers, and just having the goddamn time of his life at every given moment. As per usual, Connery delivers it all with a wolfish grin and internalized chuckle, as if only he’s aware of his inherent superiority.

It’s all laid out in the best Bond movie ever made: The Shirley Bassey theme song that set the standard for every Bond opening titles sequence forever after; the tricked out Aston Martin with an ejector seat; and the wild supervillain plot about irradiating the gold bullion at Fort Knox. Goldfinger sets a perfect table for a perfect Bond movie. And it was on a golf course where Connery’s Bond began to run it. Sixty years on, he’s still winning. – DC

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from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3zO8jnm

[writing-yj]

Stardust (Dick Grayson x Ren)

i know you’ve gotten a couple but there’s always room for more, yeah? well, i love you and this exists in the universe where glasses can hide your true identity. much love, cel mcclain, your beloved daughter

Summary: Ren has a project due for her boss and Dick Grayson is there to save the day. In the midst, some secrets are revealed.

Pairing: Dick Grayson x Ren

Warnings: Damian Wayne being cute, Mention of blood

I jumped from rooftop to rooftop until I finally reached the coordinates Batman gave me. But, for the twentieth time these few months, a girl beat me to it. God, I had to be quicker. She took notice of my presence and popped another chip in her mouth. She motioned to the three gang members chained to the satellite and smirked, swinging her legs over the building, “Hey, Nightwing!” She shouted, moving off of the ledge and finishing off her chips, “Are those your guys?” She asked, kicking the unconscious head of the leader.

“Yes.” I replied, checking for a pulse on each of the felons, “I don’t understand how you keep beating me to these gigs.”

“Surprising to say the least, I’m the one wearing heels.” She smirked, “The media calls me Stardust, now.”

I nodded, waiting for Commissioner Gordon to get here so I could get back to my apartment. And more importantly, get back to Ren. I was supposed to help her with some project, “I’m still Nightwing. Are you going to wait for the police or am I?”

“Loser has to wait. Plus, I have somewhere to be.” She said, before taking off, hopping from roof to roof and eventually jumping off, to skim the streets I assume. It took forever for the Commissioner Gordon to arrive and I looked down at my watch, checking the time. I was already twenty minutes late. Ren was going to kill me. When I snuck through the window into my bedroom, I heard the knocking on my door.

“Dick! Wake up!” I heard her shout. I quickly threw open my closet and stripped out of my costume before locking it in the biometric safe.

I began to throw on some pants when I began to yell back, “I’ll be out in a second I’m just getting dressed.” I felt so bad, she was so tired last night after work but she had something to throw together for her boss that was due the next day and I promised I would help her. She was probably freaking out. I speedily threw on a shirt and tightened my watch around my wrist. Sometimes I wish I had super speed. I threw open the door to see a distraught girl, her hair messed up from her hands that were running through it in nervousness, “You good?” I asked, following her into her bedroom. It was covered in pastel pink decorations and littered with flowers of all kinds. It was the definition of girly, and that’s saying something for a young adult.

She picked up a magazine from her organized desk and threw it to me in a frenzy, “I have to come up with a whole new design for the cover and I have no clue what I’m going to do. How am I supposed to make Clark Kent look like somebody worth reading about? He’s a freaking farm boy!” She shrieked, her eyes widening. I stepped forward and pushed up her glasses before taking a seat in her white chair, spinning around and opening her laptop.

“Okay, Grayson is here to save the day.” I smirked, typing in her password. It’s been the same for three years. Rookie mistake. It’s always safer to keep changing it frequently. K1dFlashIsH0t9128. Not to mention, it was way overdue for an update. The Kid Flash I know isn’t Kid Flash anymore. I doubt she’d be in love with a boy who technically isn’t even born yet. Speaking of Bart Allen, I mean. “How about… The Superman of Media?” I suggested, looking to her for approval.

“Jesus, Grayson! You’re a genius!” She sighed, taking down her ponytail to redo it. She tied it up neater and straightened her sweater, “Hey, Dick? Is this outfit okay?”

I looked her up and down, taking into account her white blouse popping out from under her pink sweater. Her jeans looked nice enough and her pink ballet flats matched her sweater, “A necklace, maybe?”

She nodded and placed a long gold necklace over her head and let it hang down near her chest.

“Yep.” I approved, opening an editing software. I inserted the picture of Clark Kent and merged it with the magazine name, GOTHAM GIRL. Nice play of words, if I said so myself. Sounded like that show Ren used to watch when we first moved in together with none other than Jaime Reyes. What was it called? Gossip Girl? I was never one to watch girly shows, but Ren would just sit and watch while sipping some coffee. Jaime would just roll his eyes and run off to god knows where. It was mostly just Ren and I. She cooked dinner. She cleaned. She baked. I paid for rent and helped her with her projects. Jaime bought groceries, took out the trash, and got the mail. That was pretty much how we all worked together. I picked out a pink font that matched the title and typed, “Superman of Media - Clark Kent”. I moved the text box beside Clark and asked Ren for the highlights of the magazine. With each headline I added a different style of text to fill up the empty white space and inserted small designs to keep it fresh. Is Bruce Wayne Getting Bruce Laid? Is Your Boyfriend a Cheater? Gotham Got ‘Em - How Star City Turned into Subpar City. The Girl of Dreams, Stardust. No Shade, No Shame - How to Stay Loyal.

“This is amazing, Dick.” She looked at me with a sympathetic smile, “Thank you so much. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You would manage. It would’ve taken you two hours instead of thirty minutes, though.” I smirked, printing out the new cover. I stood up and walked over to the printer, handing her the sheet, “For you.” She accepted it into her hands and slipped it into a protective sheet before placing it into her folder.

“What did I do to deserve you, Dick Grayson?” She smiled, opening her door and walking out and into the kitchen.

“You cook for me.” I stated, sitting at the counter and watching her open the refrigerator.

She turned around with eggs, milk, blueberries, and other stuff I didn’t recognize, “I guess it’s true. Food is the way to a boy’s heart. Will Jaime be joining us this morning?” She asked, before pressing buttons to preheat the oven.

“No. Not today.” I replied, remembering he was out on a mission in Bialya. Ren wouldn’t know that. So I covered for him, “He’s on vacation.”

“Oh.” She replied, slightly hurt, “He didn’t tell me. I guess I’ll go get groceries when I get home from work.” She sighed, trying to hide her emotions. I guess she relied on Jaime more than I thought.

I smiled softly before standing up and stirring the batter she whipped together seconds ago, “No worries. I’ll get groceries today.” She smiled and walked to the bathroom, surely to finish getting ready.

“Thanks.” She said softly, playing some music to fill in the silence.

I sighed and mumbled under my breath, “Anything for you.”

She whipped around with furrowed eyebrows, “Did you say something?”

I looked up at her slender body with a face of fake confusion, “No. Why?”

“Nothing.” She looked down for a slight second, uncertainty still present on her face. She continued on her way to the bathroom as I started filling the muffin pan with the batter. I waited for the oven to ding and I placed the tray on the shelf before closing the door. I set the timer to 17 minutes under her instruction and walked into the bathroom, finding myself watching Ren do her makeup. She didn’t seem to notice me standing behind her, but once her eyes met mine she jumped up in fear, “I didn’t notice you standing there.” She laughed nervously, “Did you need to use the bathroom?”

“No. I was just watching you do stuff to your eyelashes.” I pointed to the contraption she placed on the counter.

She laughed and pointed to the silver device before telling me sit on the counter. I did as told and relaxed as her fingers grazed my face. I flinched when she brought it close to my eyes but gave in when she tilted my chin down, “This is an eyelash curler. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt.” She bit her lip, and my eyes widened when she began squeezing the device. I began to pull back but she stopped me by giving me a firm look, “It will hurt if you pull.” She released the handle and removed the device out of my line of sight before smiling. She pointed to the mirror behind me and I turned around, taking notice of my eyelashes. They seemed to move up and not out.

“How…” I started, turning to look at her.

She placed her finger on my lips, shushing me, “Don’t question it, Grayson. It’s a gift. Speaking of which, it’s almost your birthday! What do you want?”

“To spend time with my friends and family.” I smiled slightly. Ren punched my side and I winced, watching her eyes turn from playful to worry.

“Are you hurt? What happened?” She asked, searching me for any further damage.

I looked down at her in all seriousness, “It’s nothing, really. I just got a little roughed up the other day.” Roughed up by the Penguin.

“Well if it’s little then you’ll let me see it.” Ren sighed, grabbing onto my shirt, beginning to pull it up.

I quickly pushed her hand away, knowing she’ll freak once she sees it, “It’s fine.” I scolded, giving her my most reassuring look.

She poked my side once more and rolled her eyes when I sucked in a sharp breath, “It’s not fine, Richard. Let me help you.”

“I don’t need help.” I replied coolly.

She gave me a glare, rendering me motionless and she pulled up my shirt, her eyes widening, “Dick… this is not fine.” I glanced down at the open gash down my side and sighed. I should’ve told Batman - but I was told not to investigate. And I investigated.

She took my shirt off fully and reached up into the cabinet, pulling out a first aid kit, “What are you doing?” I asked, grabbing her hand for comfort.

“Cleaning then stitching.” She replied, softly, shoving a rag in my mouth, “It’s going to hurt.” She wet another rag with wound disinfectant and pressed it to my side, frowning at my disturbed face. Better get myself turbed. I shifted softly and regained my defiant composure. She stitched me up bandaged my side before staring into my eyes. “Who did this to you?” She asked as I pulled on my shirt.

I couldn’t tell her the truth. So I did something I swore I would never do to her. I lied. “Just a couple of guys on the streets who wanted some money. Don’t worry about it.”

She looked me straight in the face, “Come on, Dick. Is there something you want to tell me?”

I kept my composure, “No.”

“I know who you are. I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out, Nightwing.” She replied, letting her hair down. I watched as the bombshell curls cascaded down her face and as she removed the glasses that hid some of her most defining features. I should have known before. I should’ve seen it. But I become so blind when it comes to her.

“Stardust.” I whispered, stepping forward and pushing her hair behind her ear. “But you never seem to be hurt…” I trailed, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“You boys don’t expect a girl to fight well. They go easy on me, thinking I can’t handle it. That’s their mistake. Boys usually stick to what’s comfortable. You with your sticks or whatever. Everyone else with guns and weapons wielded from afar. They’re afraid to get close and they’re afraid to be bad at new things. So they stay with what they know, leaving them with only one strong attribute. Us women are well-rounded. We’re used to being seen as defenseless. We’re used to being seen as ones who cannot do as well as men. So we train ourselves to be better. It’s a gift and it’s a curse. It’s a blessing in that we women have an element of surprise, but it’s upsetting to know that we have to prove ourselves to be worthy of your standards. I am a woman, Dick Grayson. I was taught how to hide by you savages. I can cover my tracks. I can conceal my pain.” She smirked, “I can follow by your rules. Or at least, you think I succumb to your words. I am strong, I am beautiful, I am intelligent, and I am courageous. Those are four traits every woman is born with… and they make us dangerous.”

I nodded softly, “You’re a good detective.”

“It doesn’t take a detective to figure out who you are. It takes a friend.” She corrected, walking to her room. She changed out of her bloody clothes, courtesy of my stitches and walked out of her bedroom with a solid blue crop top that hugged her figure and a floral, satin blue midi-skirt that was the exact same shade. Her blue heels were a solid royal blue that matched her tank and she looked at me with a sense of content, “I am your friend, Grayson. I used to think that I was your best friend, but best friends tell each other when they’re hurt and when they’re in trouble. I understand why you didn’t tell me you’re Nightwing. I didn’t tell you I was Stardust. But I would at least expect you to tell me when you’ve been hurt. Especially of this severity.”

She pushed up her glasses and combed her hair down with her fingers when I spoke, “I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry, Richard. They were your choices, and you have to live by them. You should know that, of all people.” She hesitated as her hand laid on the apartment door handle, “I thought…”

The silence became deafening, “What?”

She sighed before running a hand through her perfect hair, “I love you, Richard. And I thought you loved me too. I thought…” She trailed, seconds before she spoke again, “I care for you, Richard. I just assumed you cared for me as well. I thought you cared for me and my safety. And I thought you cared for yourself and your safety. Apparently, this is only a one way street where I thought it was two.”

“I love you. So goddamn much.” I blurted out, my emotions laced with each word. Ren looked up at me in disbelief, “Yes, I love you. And I care for you. I believed that keeping these things from you would keep you safe and happy but I was wrong. I’m not afraid to admit my mistakes, Ren. I love you, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll see you later.” She whispered, not accepting my words as the truth. She grabbed her silver purse and opened the door, about to step out. I had to make her believe. I had to let her know. I ran forward before she could leave and I grabbed her hand in mine, yanking her towards me. I pressed my lips against hers before she could comprehend and felt her eventually ease into the action.

“Hey, Grayson.” The door flew open. I pulled away and saw Damian walking in with sunglasses, a black shirt with blue jeans and his regular red converses, “Hey, Star.”

“Hey, buddy!” Ren grinned, running over and wrapping Damian in a hug. Wait… Damian knew when I didn’t? He laughed softly - something Damian never did and hugged her back. “I have to get to work. You want to come with me again?” She asked, raising an eyebrow and nudging his shoulder. Damian nodded and pulled a muffin out of the pan Ren took out earlier. He scoffed it down and looked at me in all seriousness.

“Clown face is calling for all seven of our heads. Yours, Ren’s, Barbara’s, Dad’s, Idiot Number One’s, Idiot Number Two’s, and mine.” Damian stated, grabbing the whole pan and picking up his bookbag.

Ren laughed, “Oh god. That’s cute. He can barely take Batman on his own - what makes him think he can take all seven? At the same time, no less.”

I grabbed my laptop and opened the front door, pressing the button to the elevator and stepping in with the other two. Damian tapped his foot impatiently and Ren tapped away on her phone, probably to her boss. I looked towards the two, “I don’t know what he’s up to, but it’s something we’ve never faced before. He has something up his sleeves and - ” The elevator door opened and an elderly woman stepped in, her face shielded by a hat. We all stood in silence, except Ren.

“Yes.” Pause. “Yes, I have it.” Another pause. “I understand. Yes, he will be coming with me today.” She laughed softly, “Got it.” Her eyes widened and she instantly pulled a notepad and a pen out of her bag and began writing, “Okay. Cesar Salad, dressing on the side. No tomatoes. Croutons, five exactly.” Pause. “Yes, of course. The raspberry iced tea with the cylindrical ice in a separate cup. And the usual for breakfast?” Pause. “Caramel Macchiato, no foam, coconut milk with a splash of soy instead of low-fat, and a dash of cinnamon. Plus a warm apple cinnamon muffin from Jackie’s. Is that all?” There was a long pause before the elevator opened again to reveal the lobby, “Six PM at Kergesin’s for two on the terrace.” She smiled and relaxed a bit before continuing, “No. That is not a problem - at all. I’ll make it happen.” She hung up the phone and took a deep breath. The old lady seemed traumatized. Hell, even I was traumatized. Damian just walked with a smirk, eating another muffin before throwing the muffin pan in the back seat of Alfred’s car. I climbed in the front seat and smiled as Ren and Damian walked down the street quickly, making it seem easy to weave through the city goers. What did Batman need this time?

Ren’s POV

“Yeah, and then he kissed me.” I said, exasperated.

Damian smirked, “He’s gross, sometimes.”

I rolled my eyes, “I mean it wasn’t gross. It was nice. It was just unexpected. Did Tim or Jason hurt you this morning?” I asked, checking for any sign of damage, “I’ll beat them up for you.” I smiled, pulling open the door to Jackie’s. I walked up to the counter and smiled at the familiar waiter.

The day went by slowly, but this morning’s encounter with Dick made things ten times better, and having Damian help me out through the day was a blessing. Overall, today was the best so far.

Stardust, out

[gffa]

I was going to try to do a Star Wars novels post this week, get back in the swing of things, but I can never stay away from STAR WARS fic for too long, there’s just too much that’s incredibly good! There’s so much that’s either just spot on to the characters or just hits the id or does something so clever that I’m enthralled (or does all three!) that is amazing and everyone should come scream about them with me! STAR WARS RECS: ✦ Cataclasm by dendral, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & waxer & cast, 45.6k wip    For reasons unknown to all but himself, Obi-Wan Kenobi has left the Jedi Order in the midst of the Clone Wars, taking with him a single clone. Anakin Skywalker has been unofficially tasked by the Order to find Obi-Wan and bring him home. Unfortunately for Anakin, it seems his former master is always ten steps ahead of him. ✦ Fountain of Force by esama, qui-gon & cast, final fantasy 7 crossover, 8.9k    In which Qui-Gon Jinn comes from Gaia. ✦ Shih by esama, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon, time travel, 8k wip    Obi-Wan Kenobi has a vision of the future, and tries to change it while elsewhere Ben Kenobi dies. ✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, 40.8k wip    During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. ✦ At Your Service by DonkerRood, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, crossdressing, spanking, 1.9k    Anakin dresses up in a maid outfit and he and Obi-Wan have some fun. Just smut. ✦ untitled by stonefreeak, shaak ti & yoda & kit fisto & mace windu & cast, 1.3k    When Shaak Ti returned to Coruscant she had not expected anything remotely as dire as an explosion at the Senate—injuring several senators and staff, killing two, and leaving Master Kenobi in a critical condition—to happen. ✦ Respite by GirlwithCurls98, anakin & ahsoka & rex & cast, 4.9k    After a particularly grueling mission, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, and the 501st are sent to Kamino for some much needed medical care. ✦ Pursuit by Icse, obi-wan/anakin, mildly nsfw, modern au, 6.8k wip    Anakin Skywalker is a Grand Prix jumper transitioning into the Eventing world. While his scores are good during the cross-country and show jumping phases of Eventing, his dressage scores are abysmal. His sponsor sets him up as a working student for two-time Dressage Gold Medalist Ben Kenobi to help him pursue his dream of competing in the Olympics. ✦ Untitled part 1 + part 2 by glare-gryphon, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, a/b/o, 2.4k    Prompt: Anonymous asked: Hi are you still taking prompts at the moment? If yes how about Alpha Obiwan who when in rut tends to loose himself in his (very protective) instincts, while Omega!Anakin very much keeps his head and is very aware of what goes on around him but still willing to indulge Obiwan’s somewhat ridiculous alpha instincts ✦ On the Day After by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & bail & breha, ~1k    Vader has many questions, and only one place to turn for answers. ✦ i’m just a kid of ill repute (and this skin i wear is my only suit) by SashaSea (SHCombatalade), obi-wan & anakin & padme & cast, kingsman fusion, 5.6k    “This is a disaster,” Anakin huffs out a near laugh, passing his remaining grenades to Obi-Wan. He accepts them with a grin and a few spare magazines for Anakin’s pistol, bumping their shoulders together. “This is fun.” ✦ Ain’t No Light Without the Dark by lumenbriide, obi-wan & anakin, 2.2k    “You should have joined me all those years ago, Kenobi.” Anakin overhears Dooku remind Obi-Wan about the temptation on Geonosis, and suddenly, Obi-Wan isn’t as infallible as he seems. He has secrets, just like Anakin; and their bond can only get stronger. ✦ Rewrought by esama, obi-wan & qui-gon & maul, time travel, 4.4k    Bit o time travel ✦ Faithless by esama, obi-wan, 2.5k    Obi-Wan loses his faith in Tatooine full details + recs under the cut!

✦ Cataclasm by dendral, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & waxer & cast, 45.6k wip    For reasons unknown to all but himself, Obi-Wan Kenobi has left the Jedi Order in the midst of the Clone Wars, taking with him a single clone. Anakin Skywalker has been unofficially tasked by the Order to find Obi-Wan and bring him home. Unfortunately for Anakin, it seems his former master is always ten steps ahead of him.    Chapter 10: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This is the end of the first arc of this fic and it’s a good place to leave off, including the previous chapter, as there’s been at least enough resolution to be a good stopping point, even though the major things are still in play. This is a chapter that’s about Ahsoka and her visions, how it starts to explore a bit of what it means to be a Jedi in contact with the Force, to have to struggle through being unsure if it’s your own anxiety that’s making you feel bad or if it’s a warning from the Force or some twisty, turny combination of both, and how they desperately need control over themselves to not spiral out, to not be consumed by all of this. The moments between Anakin and Ahsoka as he comforts her after a series of bad dreams, lightly touching on how Obi-Wan used to do the same for him, was really lovely and wonderful and worth the read alone! But also the really sweet moments with Yoda and Ahsoka!    I continue to love that this is a fic that’s spot on for the Jedi, if they’d ever managed to catch a fucking break or to have things brought to a head sooner, that they’re all struggling through this dark time, but they care very much and work so hard to do the best thing, and there are still moments of joy (Ahsoka and Yoda saying they’d ask Anakin to join them for meditation, which they’re surehe’ll love, I had such a smile on my face!) that it’s one of the best fics out there right now. ✦ Fountain of Force by esama, qui-gon & cast, final fantasy 7 crossover, 8.9k    In which Qui-Gon Jinn comes from Gaia.    I wasn’t sure what to expect when I picked up this chapter to read (which stands on its own, it’s part of a collection of shorter fics, but they’re unconnected), but I was curious and I’ve always liked this author’s work. What I got was something that was half-world-building and half character piece, wrapped up in the setting of a crossover, all of which came together just exactly as it should. The two worlds blended very well together, the River of Light and the stone Qui-Gon picks up that’s Force-sensitive, the way everything on Gaia just bubbles over with the Living Force, the way this is used by Qui-Gon to gain a deeper understanding of himself, in a lovely and incredibly Jedi sort of way, is wonderfully done. This is a piece that I thought really captured his character, this felt like the character I recognized and was incredibly engaging! It’s not just about Gaia, it really is a piece centered on Qui-Gon Jinn as a character, about his life as a Jedi and the antics he gets into (the sense of this being an actual galaxy is very nicely done as well! I enjoyed the helium-breathing planet just as much as I enjoyed Gaia just as much as I enjoyed everything else), it’s about self-reflection and understanding his own flaws and working on them, just as much as he understands what he’s good at.    It helps to be familiar with FF7, especially to understand the connection of the rock that Qui-Gon picks up and what happens later, likely because of it, but you absolutely don’t need to know it to enjoy this fic, it can just be a cool background world for Qui-Gon to have come from while you read the characterization stuff! It’s one of those fics that I read and made me fall back in love with the potential of Star Wars, it’s one of those fics that I felt like it understood what a Jedi would actually go through and how they’re such good people and the kinds of things they struggle with, it’s one of those fics that made it genuinely interesting and engaging to read! It’s a great piece for someone who has trouble finding Qui-Gon fic that suits my feelings, but also it’s just a really good fic. ✦ Shih by esama, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon, time travel, 8k wip    Obi-Wan Kenobi has a vision of the future, and tries to change it while elsewhere Ben Kenobi dies.    Oh, well. This fic is only two chapters at the time of this rec and already I’m So Very Sad about it, because it’s such a lovely, aching look at these characters and the impending doom hanging over them all, that Obi-Wan is plauged by unspecific but inescapable visions, that he knows something is going to go terribly wrong, but he doesn’t know what and trying to figure that out, trying to navigate between this sweet child in front of him versus the cloak of darkness that swirls around him, that visions don’t necessarily always come true versus that this one is one he knows is more important than that. I absolutely adored the scene where Obi-Wan goes to talk to moppet Anakin, the glimpse he gets into the child’s fears and uncertainty, the kindness that Obi-Wan naturally extends to him, it’s so true to his character, even as there’s a vague current of hurt and unease that Qui-Gon has so easily replaced him. But it’s not bitter, because that’s not who Obi-Wan Kenobi is, instead it finds just the right amount of sad versus knowing that he’s capable of walking forward to whatever comes next.    I would have read this fic just for that first chapter, the relationships Obi-Wan has with both of these people! But then the second chapter came along and, oh, Ben is so tired and worn down, there’s something so difficult about all the hard-won experience he’s gained, the balance between regret that he couldn’t do more, that it felt almost wasteful to stay on Tatooine, versus knowing that it was the right decision. That, when he realizes there’s a chance for change, it’s not a simple thing and that complicated tangle is so much more interesting than a straight-forward fix-it (much as I love love love fix-it fics, don’t get me wrong, I’m hoping for a fix it here, I’m hoping for good things, but I love that it’s not ever meant to be easy, if it were, then the original canon wouldn’t mean so much) and the conversation they have, the things that Ben understands because he’s seen so much more, are perfectly done. Because he’s right, it wasn’t just one thing or one person. And the ending of that chapter is the perfect hook to make sure I’m going to keep reading, because, damn, I’m definitely invested now! ✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, 40.8k wip    During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone.    Chapter 8: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. Also, there are likely to be spoilers beyond this point! One of the best things about this chapter is just how high the tension of it was, that the reveal wasn’t the end of it, but instead yet another racheting up point, that learning how the Sith versions were visions more than anything, the research that Obi-Wan had done (and I really enjoyed the difficulty with the translations and poetic language, it’s one of those little touches that really works for me) and how they both had to work to figure out what was going on in a way that felt spot on to them, that they would investigate and discuss things this way, but without feeling like the story had hit pause for the characters to become talking heads, which is something that can be hard to avoid. Instead, this felt like two characters who were genuinely on edge, little touches of Obi-Wan drumming his fingers on the datapad or the way Anakin curled up in the blankets add to this, that show what they’re feeling, rather than telling us. This adds to the creepy atmosphere of the house, whatever’s going on with the Force here, how run-down and dilapidated everything feels here in a very spooky way.    This is also the chapter where the Jedi versions, the real versions, first tumble into bed together beyond just a shard kiss or curling up together, and that made sense to me, because I really felt this sense of isolation with them, that they’re the only two people here in this house. When the Sith were there, sure, they were on edge and wary of them, couldn’t trust them, but at least someone else was there, but now there’s just nothing but them and whatever shadow is lurking around the corner and trying to sneak its way into them. This twines around the confession from the night before, Anakin learning to trust Obi-Wan just a little bit by telling him the truth, Obi-Wan helping to shoulder that burden with him, and so it’s pulling a whole lot of feelings and sexual tension to the surface, resulting in how they tumble together in a way they might not have in other circumstances, but makes sense for them in this moment. The connection is still real, it’s about what was already under the surface, even as it’s heightened!    I also really loved the smaller reveal in this chapter of what was happening with the beacon–the answer was the only one that made sense with what we already knew, but even having guessed it, it doesn’t detract from the creepy scene and the build-up of the tension when Obi-Wan was following Anakin, the way his whole demeanor was just weird and unsettling, like a shiver-inducing fugue state, until something seemed to be trying to dra him away into the dark, something that wasn’t just a physical presence, but was getting at his mind. And that’s far more creepy than just some physical monster that can be fought with a laser sword!    And then there’s the sex itself, ahhhhh. As much as I would have enjoyed penetrative sex, I think the handjob/blowjob combination probably works better here, because they’re just starting out, because it’s more about the desperate need for contact with the other person–especially Anakin, who is so afraid and feels whatever’s in the house so keenly, even more than Obi-Wan does. Not that the verbal comfort wasn’t lovely as well, I loved so very much that Obi-Wan was extra careful with his words because he knew how brittle and on edge Anakin was here, that Obi-Wan was so careful not to blame him for turning off the beacon, because that’s not what his concern was about. And that he’s hyperfocused on Anakin a way the situation warrants, so of course he makes even more effort than usual to make sure Anakin understands the lack of blame–another way where their interaction is heightened from normal, but in a way that’s pulling up what was already there underneath and makes sense for them.    But, okay, also Obi-Wan’s hand in Anakin’s hair, the visions of what their counterparts had done, what that says about what these two want, the darkness that looms in this place, even when these characters are both such good people, that this was about desire and want and heat and fear all rolled up together. It was the perfect balance between my affection for the way the (Soft) Sith versions are used in fic against how the Jedi are good and so valuable, that it’s about these characters as people and what they’ve been through and what they want, yessss.    All of that is true, there’s so much I love on a narrative level, on a more intellectual level, but then I whip right back around to: But Obi-Wan’s hand in Anakin’s hair. The way Anakin’s mind goes blissfully blank, the way he so desperately wants to belong to his Master, that desperate step forward that crashes right through his usual knee-jerk reactionary “I don’t belong to anyone!”, to show that if he choose to give himself to someone, chooses to let that person have power over him, then it’s different and comforting and so good. It’s about safety, it’s about being able to relax, because everything in his head isn’t dragging him down, that there’s someone there to take so much weight off him. But also I just really loved the image of Anakin all pliant and messy and sprawled out beneath his Master, cast in shadows, like he’s still very much a Jedi, but the imagery and potential thematic meaning in a house full of so much shadow is really, really lovely. ✦ At Your Service by DonkerRood, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, crossdressing, spanking, 1.9k    Anakin dresses up in a maid outfit and he and Obi-Wan have some fun. Just smut.    This was one of those fics that was just exactly what I needed when I picked it up, one of those that appeals right to my id and gives me the fun, light-hearted, smutty things I apparently enjoy a ridiculous amount. Anakin in a maid’s uniform, roleplaying with it and acting out to be bratty and so he’ll get Obi-Wan’s attention, who will spank him before fucking him, and it’s exactly what it says on the tin, if you go into this fic, you know exactly what you’re getting and you gotta roll with that. But it’s warm-hearted as well, it’s meant to be fun and joyful, that it’s about giving Anakin what he wants, satisfying something in him and making him feel so loved and content, that Anakin is so very gorgeous like this and Obi-Wan enjoys seeing him being able to whine for more, that Anakin gets to do that, that Obi-Wan gets to fuck the noise and restlessness right out of Anakin’s head. And by the time he’s finally pushing into Anakin, finally fucking him, it’s just nicely satisfying sex and exactly what I needed during shark week, bless and thank. ✦ untitled by stonefreeak, shaak ti & yoda & kit fisto & mace windu & cast, 1.3k    When Shaak Ti returned to Coruscant she had not expected anything remotely as dire as an explosion at the Senate—injuring several senators and staff, killing two, and leaving Master Kenobi in a critical condition—to happen.    This is part of the Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan series and should be read in order by this point! And, ahhhh, this was such a lovely tide-over until the next piece, where it’s not really about resolution, but about the Jedi reacting to the explosion that happened recently, the chaos they’re trying to help tame, and one of their own being injured and what that means for young Skywalker. This is so spot on for them, how they work to remain calm in the face of such awful circumstances and they work so hard to do the best for everyone, to break the news as best they can, consider what’s the best thing for everyone in the situation. There’s such consideration of Anakin’s reactions, knowing how close he and Obi-Wan are, and it’s just so good and warm-hearted and kind a fic that I’m in love all over again. ✦ Respite by GirlwithCurls98, anakin & ahsoka & rex & cast, 4.9k    After a particularly grueling mission, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, and the 501st are sent to Kamino for some much needed medical care.    This was a cute little fic about Anakin and Ahsoka having pushed themselves so far that they need to rest, that they’re on the edge of physical collapse from how hard the Jedi are running themselves in this war. And there’s a lot of complicated feelings in here, especially Anakin who still doesn’t really understand the Jedi (so the line about the Code is unreliable, considering Anakin doesn’t really get it), but mostly it’s a healing fic, where Anakin cares so deeply about her, how his relationship with Obi-Wan helps him even when they’re not anywhere near each other at the moment, how the clones care so deeply about the Jedi and vice versa, how they Ahsoka and the clones help each other when they need this moment of respite. It was such a sweet fic in the middle of such a horrible war and I really enjoyed it a lot for that! ✦ Pursuit by Icse, obi-wan/anakin, mildly nsfw, modern au, 6.8k wip    Anakin Skywalker is a Grand Prix jumper transitioning into the Eventing world. While his scores are good during the cross-country and show jumping phases of Eventing, his dressage scores are abysmal. His sponsor sets him up as a working student for two-time Dressage Gold Medalist Ben Kenobi to help him pursue his dream of competing in the Olympics.    This is one of those fics that appeals directly to what I want sometimes when I’ve had enough of the heartbreak of canon and when fandom has gotten extra spirit crushing about things–where it’s a light-hearted, warm, embracing-the-fluff modern AU where Anakin is a horse jumper training for the next level, while Ben trains him and Anakin desperately, desperately wants to fall into bed with him. Where it’s all about Anakin being an adorable, soft disaster who does everything he can to get Ben’s attention, who is trying to stay away from doing anything with him because he feels its not proper. It’s just fun when you’re in the mood for something completely, ridiculously warm-hearted and cute and fluffy and with a little bit of smut mixed in. Which is exactly what I’m here for and I just sort of wrapped myself up in this like a warm, fuzzy blanket! ✦ Untitled part 1 + part 2 by glare-gryphon, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, a/b/o, 2.4k    Prompt: Anonymous asked: Hi are you still taking prompts at the moment? If yes how about Alpha Obiwan who when in rut tends to loose himself in his (very protective) instincts, while Omega!Anakin very much keeps his head and is very aware of what goes on around him but still willing to indulge Obiwan’s somewhat ridiculous alpha instincts    The first part is this cute, light-hearted, fluffy thing where Anakin has to put up with Obi-Wan’s rutting instincts and the nests he winds up making and it’s really adorable! And the second one is just ridiculously satisfying a/b/o porn, together the two of them are just an absolute delight to read! I am always here for Anakin in heat, just desperately wanting wanting wanting, wanting his Master to fill him up and fuck him and get this noise out of his head, I am always here for Obi-Wan who tries to be considerate and thoughtful, but it’s contrasted against the rutting instincts, where he just wants to flip Anakin onto his stomach and drive into him, wants to finally claim him and hold him and take care of him. And these two just hit me right where I live, they’re charismatic and, oh, the way Obi-Wan ground against Anakin’s backside, almost lost to this desire to push into him fast and hard, but holding back just enough to ease the way for Anakin, until he’s finally open and relaxed enough that Obi-Wan can properly fuck him, it’s sosatisfyingly delicious. I have a thing for Obi-Wan grinding back and forth, trying to hold himself back while Anakin writhes and tries to adjust, but they both want more, and this fic just delivered that so very well for me. ✦ On the Day After by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & bail & breha, ~1k    Vader has many questions, and only one place to turn for answers.    This is a follow-up to On the Day Before, which should be read first! This was a lovely sequel piece to the previous one and it walks a fine line, because Vader isn’t someone who is kind or does good things anymore, but also I can believe that he could be inspired to follow Padme’s daughter, that there’s just enough of a spark of good and some misguided intentions, and it absolutely nails that Vader has never wanted power for himself, it’s always been about being someone else’s sword, someone he would do any amount of dark things to protect. And this fic walks that fine line very well, that Vader sees that he can’t just brute force strength his way through this, Leia would never be won over, but instead he has plans about her and, oh, it’s a disaster in the making and it’s spot on, this was so much fun to read! ✦ i’m just a kid of ill repute (and this skin i wear is my only suit) by SashaSea (SHCombatalade), obi-wan & anakin & padme & cast, kingsman fusion, 5.6k    “This is a disaster,” Anakin huffs out a near laugh, passing his remaining grenades to Obi-Wan. He accepts them with a grin and a few spare magazines for Anakin’s pistol, bumping their shoulders together. “This is fun.”    This was a fun fusion piece that just sailed right along and had the right kind of charisma and charm to keep me engaged the whole way through, there was just the right amount of sparkle and whatever-it-is that makes a fic fun to read! It’s fairly light-hearted and it’s centered on Anakin, as well as his relationships with Obi-Wan and Padme that are each complicated and each something more than friendship, something deeply rooted in him, if in different ways–and I really loved that with Padme it was more overtly romantic, but with Obi-Wan it felt more like he was woven into the fabric of Anakin’s life, both made for satisfying dynamics! I do think you should be familiar with the first Kingsman movie to read this one, but it’s definitely a delightful pick-me-up when you need something fun to read! ✦ Ain’t No Light Without the Dark by lumenbriide, obi-wan & anakin, 2.2k    “You should have joined me all those years ago, Kenobi.” Anakin overhears Dooku remind Obi-Wan about the temptation on Geonosis, and suddenly, Obi-Wan isn’t as infallible as he seems. He has secrets, just like Anakin; and their bond can only get stronger.    A lovely little story about Dooku trying to tempt Obi-Wan away from the Jedi and how it doesn’t really work, that’s not who Obi-Wan is at heart, and the conversation Obi-Wan has with Anakin afterwards and what that pulls to the surface between them. This is a story centered on Anakin’s complicated feelings and the relationship between these two characters, one that works towards giving them a little bit more understanding and showing the depth of care between them in an understated but entirely genuine way. It was a very nice read, one that engaged me from beginning to end and I’m very glad I picked up to read! ✦ Rewrought by esama, obi-wan & qui-gon & maul, time travel, 4.4k    Bit o time travel    This is one of those fics that’s the kind of thing I daydream about sometimes, what a time-traveling Obi-Wan Kenobi would do, had he a chance to do the Naboo invasion all over again, and written in an incredibly engaging, easy to imagine sort of way. It’s not precisely a happy fic, but it’s balanced between standing well on its own if this is all there ever is, it’s short glimpse into the canon being shifted to another track, or it could spiral out from here, if it was ever continued. I’m fine with either way, really, because what the point was focused on was the moments where Obi-Wan makes his move, where he springs his plans into actions, and seeing that through the eyes of people who have no idea what’s going on. The loss of Obi-Wan in their eyes, the grief Qui-Gon has to work through, the chaos that comes from the actions of the “Sith Lord” that escaped Naboo, it’s all super engaging and interesting and fascinatingto watch unfold! It’s beautifully characterized and written, it’s got great action and great emotional impact and so much potential that sets my thoughts spinning around it, which is exactly what I wanted from a quick time-travling oneshot! ✦ Faithless by esama, obi-wan, 2.5k    Obi-Wan loses his faith in Tatooine    Oh, this one definitely hurt to read, all the more so because Obi-Wan is sort of right about some things and sort of terribly wrong about others, but that’s kind of the point of his time on Tatooine, that he’s struggling through so much. It’s not ultimately where he’s meant to end up, because Obi-Wan is someone who comes back to his faith, but as a piece where he loses his way, it really worked for me, that this is one part of a bigger cycle that Obi-Wan goes through in his isolation. The writing is so sad and lovely, so self-reflective and you can feel the loss from the character without it being hammered home into the reader, there’s something almost understated here, except also there’s beautiful imagery–I’m not explaining this well, but it’s just a really well-done piece. It’s very much a piece about Obi-Wan being lost, even as he manages to continue to get up every day, some days harder than others, that he continues forward on this path he’s on, that it’s not just the loss of his family and culture, but a loss of faith and the slow, horrible feeling that instills in me, reading this. So sad, but lovely.

[viridiansunlight]

for the Exalted Secret Santa

@shiftingpath

The three choices would be:

1) Lyre of Sapphire, Serenities Sidereal, Golden Crane Socialite

2) Vitaliy Baran, Secrets Sidereal, Independent Ancient Mentor

3) Faithful Executioner’s Blade, Midnight Abyssal, Broken Ex-Martyr

1) Lyre: Native of An-Teng and member of one of it’s higher caste families, Lyre was well used to intrigue and backroom deals well before her Exaltation. Turns out the world of gods in Heaven isn’t all that different - the matter is both in scope and subtelty, and the methods used to leverage one’s influence, and all of those methods came easily to one inspired by Venus such as herself.

As almost 100 years old, Lyre isn’t the most experienced of the Five Score Fellowship, but she’s found her grounding and secured her position in both Heavenly politics and her Bureau. Her soft leverage is often enough to make even the most stubborn gods think twice before challenging the charming Serenities points of view, and as her service record is largely spotless, she’s hard to gain dirt on as well - very few gods had ever heard of her husband being a Full Moon Lunar, despite the fact that Venus herself blessed this union. Asked on how she’d managed to pull that stunt off, Lyre flashes her trademark grin and changes the subject.

Physically, Lyre has a fortunate mixture of exceptional beauty and access to the finest possible cosmetics and fabrics. She remains graceful and classy even in harsher enviroments, though during her missions to Creation she hides more extravagant fashion choices and, if needs be, can dress to mingle with the most social strata.

In Heaven, or in formal functions to most other places, however, she dresses in silks and velvets, in delicate veils and scarves, enhancing the look with many pieces of jewelry, some of which is in fact starmetal hosting the hearthstones of her many Manses. This is a calculated effort to hide the actually efficacious parts of her panoply - a large magical gemstone won’t be easily found amongst few mundane ones, especially if they’re of the similar color.

Lyre favours the colors of her Maiden - all shades of blue bring out the color of her eyes, and fit her rich, dark skintone and long black, curly hair well. She decorates her exposed skin with powdered sapphires to heighten the effect, the blue brocade in eyeshadow and lipstick is her most frequent makeup. Her jewelry is typically silver with blue and white gems, mixed liberally with pearls. She dresses to accentuate her full, bottom-heavy figure, although always tasteful.

Lyre’s anima is a brilliant halo of sapphire light with many bright blue stars playing on it’s surface. As with all Sidereals, it lacks any iconic appearance.

Ref (Warning, it’s ancient art so prepare your eyes T-T, use mostly as a color guide)

Typical clothing: (1) (2) (3) (4)

An example of an Artifact Lyre would wear as jewelry: (1)

(Note that Lyre’s dress color would be sapphire blue rather than light blue, she can mix it with pearlescent white or sometimes darker or lighter shades of blue, but rather won’t go for light or sky blue)

2) Vitaliy: Exalted only a few years before the Usurpation, Vitaliy had a taste of the decadence of the last gasp of the Deliberative, and the horror of the many castrophies that followed. Deciding that both factions were wrong, the Secrets’ joined Nazri in his independent political block... in secret. Officially, he’s Bronze, unofficially, he has Gold sympathies, and ultimately, he believes that the point is moot and that the Sidereal Exalts should be just focusing on their jobs and allying themselves with other defenders of Creation.

Now, though, after two millenia of trying his best to protect this world, the elder Sidereal wonders if Gold isn’t actually full of shit, especially since the young Solars display little to no issues their forebears had. Perhaps, they just need for the gentle Sidereal hand to guide them earlier in their Exalted life rather than later on?

Vitaliy comes from a North-Eastern stock, with a dash of features of a native to the Blessed Isle, giving him a rather generic look within these three geographical areas - for Easterners he looks like a second-generation Northerer, for Northeners he looks like someone from the Realm, and a Realmborn doesn’t think he’s somewhat out of place here. In fact, he was born in an ethnicity decimated by the Great Contagion, and people currently living around the place of his birth generally don’t look like Vitaliy anymore.

Like Lyre, the Sidereal has the access to the best tailors and fabrics in Creation, though as a Chosen of Jupiter, he prefers less flashy and spectacular choices of clothing, though they’re always stylish and fashionable, except when the mission demands otherwise.

His favourites are long robes, tied at the waist with silken sashes and flowing belts. Oftentimes, he’d wear kimonos, especially during his forays to Creation, where he needs to mingle more easily with the general population. Since his most typical disguise is as an Air Aspect sifu, he tends to wear light blues, pastels, and grays, embroided with typical Air imagery. In Yu-Shan, he dresses to show his Maiden’s clothing and the embroidery matches Jupiter’s heraldics - this also is a mean to subtly imply that his allegiance is to his Maiden and her alone, above all factions or divisions.

Vitaliy keeps his dark brown hair about shoulder-long. He always has a short full beard as well, unless he’s forced to shave it for the sake of a mission. His glasses are actually an Artifact, and he’s loath to part with them - his nearsightness isn’t bad enough for him to strictly need them. He is broad shouldered and heavy set, his face is slightly rounder due to this fact, but like all Sidereals, he’s proficient with martial arts and his build doesn’t impair him in any way.

Vitaliy’s anima is a whorl of emerald light emanating from his body and billowing into shimmering green sphere. As with all Sidereals, it lacks an iconic appearance.

Ref

Typical Creation clothes: (1) (2)

Typical Yu-Shan clothes: (1) (2)

(Note: Vitaliy generally doesn’t dress in reds or gold, vastly preferring colder colors. Favourites are dark and pastel greens, light gray, and off-white)

3) Blade: Chosen of the Mangled Corpse of Hope Once Bright, Blade is a fallen martyr, who tries to turn his bleak miracles for good - and does so by judging the evil and corrupt, destroying them as the Abyssal power seems to be only working in that way. He took the bargain with a Deathlord only because the alternative was the destruction of his noble cause and his very peoples at the hand of the power-mad tyrant - even though his resurrection made the Shadowland created by his nemesis’s influence fester and grow, freeing those suffering under the tyrant’s reign and exiling them from their own land as it was now belonging to death in one fell swoop.

The Midnight’s mission in life is the only thing preventing him from sliding in the spiral of depression and self-hatred. As long as he can convince himself he’s doing more good than harm, and that he can turn the horror of his condition into a weapon against worse evil, he will continue to live on his painful existance, even though each mirror and each terrified glare of a passerby reminds him just how far he had fallen from grace.

Blade comes from the North - before his Black Exaltation, he had a healthy blush of life to him and his hair was light blonde, though nowadays it is completely bleached and unkept, matted from being hidden under his hood for the most time.

The Abyssal denies himself most comforts - his Charms keep his flesh from being harmed by exposure, and so he wanders around with just his blood-soaked executioner hood and a long skirt that reaches his ankles. If he’d be compelled to wear something more presentable, he’d dress in red or black tunic. He’d never worn pants in his life - long skirts, kilts and robes were a typical masculine dresscode in his culture and anything resembling trousers on a male would cause him to wince sympathically - he’d consider those extremely uncomfortable-looking.

The alabaster-white flesh is covered in many scars - most coming from the public whipping he’s got before the execution, with the most prominent one being the massive red band around his head, a memory of his beheading. There are more scars on his back than on his front. His only decorations are soulsteel bracers and a blade forged from the souls who willingly chose to sacrifice their existances so they might be forged into blade against the tyrant that killed them. Blade took his name after this daiklaive, to honor their conviction, and it is what keeps him going still.

His anima banner starts as the vision of blood evaporating from his many scars, forming a rust-red flame emanating from his back, his red eyes glowing as the aura of carnage envelops him and reenacts the horrifying scenes of his failed martyrdom, culminating with an effigy of a beheaded man bursting into black flames during the iconic display.

Ref

Executioner Sword he uses (note: it would be in dull black soulsteel, this reference is for the shape mostly)

Tunic refs (1) (2) (if you’d want to have him look more presentable. He’d ditch the hood and try to at least comb his hair if that would be required)

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