#but idk what I could have done rn to upset her

[izzy-b-hands]

Ahh someone else came out and made them turn the music off entirely

I don’t know that that was necessary; they just needed to turn it down some!

My head does appreciate the quiet tho

[kavehater]

I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way

[piplupod]

head in my hands. well. no more accordion for me. i picked my beloved up off the ground to do some practice and accidentally banged her off the piano keyboard and now theres a constant bass C droning but the button isnt stuck so it's something internal that's gotten bonked out of wack. and unfortunately accordions apparently need experts to even just do a simple tuning, so I'm certain this isn't going to be fixable for me unless i can both find someone who knows accordions AND be able to afford the fix, both of which are incredibly unlikely. so ... no more accordion :[

[silverislander]

i have 7 assignments, total, left in school. once i finish those i'm going to be done- i graduate in may which is WILD to think about. i just have to fucking do them

[david-tennant-wearing-things]

Yeah this is a David Tennant blog but her hair!! The neckline!! The sleeves!! Billie!!

BILLIE PIPER The Jonathan Ross Show

[milliesfishes]

I’m down bad on my period rn, perchance, should you have time and the want to, might you write a little something… like I’m such a grump on my period and I snap at everything, maybe one where the girl had really bad back cramps or something and has to do all her chores and she snaps at Billy???? And she doesn’t even immediately apologise, like she tells him to piss off when he’s being affectionate and she’s trying to do her chores - and it’s really not personal, but idk.

Also It would suck to have to deal with that back then because I mean they barely had period products if at all.

Anyway don’t feel like you have to do exactly that, anything will do I’m not picky THANK YOUUU

I’m also on my period rn anon this was perfect timing <3 ౨ৎyou snap at billy while on your period౨ৎ fem reader x billy the kid

Wearied by the symptoms of what felt like your monthly punishment for lack of pregnancy, you were at your wit’s end.

Where everything had been sunny and bright before you began to bleed, the weeklong misery emerged from the crevices of your womanhood and dragged your vision of the world down to the depths of any good graces. You were dragging through your chores, the sun beating your already mangled body. The sharp flashes of pain in your lower back and belly made it impossible to focus for longer than a few minutes.

Upset at yourself for hardly completing a lengthy list of tasks that should have been done by now combined with the discomfort that had ailed you all day and hormones swimming around your mind, your mood was soured quicker than an unripe apple. Your body was heavy, feet filled with sand or concrete.

The pain was most prominent in your back. It twisted around your spine, ebbing and flowing in a way that would give you hope of it being over only for it to crash back in full force; ocean waves pounding against a rock. As you swept the porch you tried your hand at ignoring it as it pulsed near your hips. It was an untamable thing, demanding attention and heightening when it didn’t receive it.

The broom clattered against the wooden floor as the hand that had been holding it pressed a thumb and index finger right to your eyes. Frustratedly, you clenched your elbow with the fingers of the other, hand, utter discomfort piercing you like a cruel dagger.

This was the torment and burden of womanhood passed down generations, seeming to sharpen its teeth with every new girl. And now it was sinking its fangs into you, no regard for what you were trying to maintain.

In your agony you hardly noticed the approaching figure in the distance wearing a lopsided grin and a time-worn hat. Bending down painstakingly to retrieve the broom, you continued sweeping slowly, dragging the bristles across the porch and gathering the dust and dirt settled there.

The sharp feeling was gnawing at your spine when you felt a pair of arms slide around your figure, drawing you into a warm, solid figure like the sun. Billy leaned over and kissed your cheek, but you kept sweeping, twinged with annoyance that he was interrupting your chores. Another day you would have promptly abandoned them in favor of jumping into his arms. But your immense pain and anger with yourself for your lack of productivity got the best of you. "Billy."

"Everythin' alright, darlin'?" he asked, nudging your cheek with his nose. You said nothing, merely stepping out of his grasp to get another section.

His surprise was evident even in the silence. Beneath the layers of hurt and irritation you felt guilt begin to sprout. Billy hadn't done anything wrong, and it wasn't fair of you to take out what you were feeling on him. But pain is a finnicky thing, and it defied any logic you may have let take the lead on a good day.

"Whatsa matter, baby?" He leaned against the porch railing, frowning and folding his arms. "Didja-"

"Could you please stop?" you whipped your head around, eyes narrowed. "I haven't gotten any chores done and I-" You cut yourself off, lower lip trembling as you realized what you'd done. Eyes widening, you gripped the broom handle like a vice, taking a step back.

Immediately Billy caught on, and he stepped forward, taking the broom from your hand and setting it away. There wasn't any hurt in his eyes, not even under the surface. "Baby..."

Bringing your hands to your cheeks, you covered it, a slight gasp drawing from your lips. Guilt and anger with yourself overwhelmed you. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Shh," Billy hushed, his big palm finding the crown of your head. He pulled you in by the waist to lean against his chest. "'S okay. 'S okay sweetheart. I ain't mad. Deep breaths, c'mon. Deep breaths."

You leaned your head against his chest, clenching his shirt between your fingers. He dropped his lips to the top of your head, burying his nose there. "My girl...what happened?"

Eyes welling up, you succumbed to his everlasting comfort, the slats of the fence you tried to hold up crumbling with his touch. Billy had such an effect on you. He disarmed you in every way, throwing flowers to your thorns and clearing all your smoke. "I-I- started...my monthly...and...it hurts."

Instantly he was gathering you up, taking you inside and setting you to rest on the couch on his lap. Billy tucked your head into his shoulder, pressing his lips to your head. "Where's it hurtin', sweet girl?"

"M-my back...and my..." you blubbered into him.

"Awh," he murmured, big hand rubbing circles into your lower back. "Belly hurtin' too?"

"Uh huh." Your words were muffled by his chest, and he nodded, thick fingers gently working over your back.

"My poor baby," Billy cooed, sliding one palm beneath your belly button. "Hurtin' so bad..."

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," you sniffled, lifting your head. His fingers kneaded the small of your back as he took in your teary eyes, burdened by the awful hormones coursing through your body.

"Aww, my angel." Billy eased you to lie down on the couch beside him, nestled into your spot in his arms. As always you fit there perfectly, like you were created together and then separated, scattered to the corners of the earth to try and find each other again. "It's okay. You're hurtin', ain't no fault 'f yours."

He rubbed your back in a tranquil way until your eyes drifted shut, comforted by the feel of his arms. Billy always knew how to bring you from the deep end, pulling you up for air.

When you rubbed your eyes, finally awakening, he was kneeling beside you, irises tender as he watched you wake. Thumb rubbing the side of your face, he whispered, "How're ya doin', angel baby?"

The previously knife-like pain had dulled, barely throbbing against the creases of your back and corners of your belly. Blinking sleepily, you shifted on your side comfortably. "Better." Then a spark of panic lit in you, and your elbows supported you as you lifted yourself up. "My chores-"

"Just finished 'em up," he assured you, hand holding your cheek. "You shouldn't have to lift a damn finger when you ain't feelin' good."

Smiling gratefully, you wrapped your arms around his neck, leaning into him. "Thank you."

"Ain't a problem, my love." Billy stroked your spine lightly, soothing any leftover aching. "I always know somethin's off when my sweet girl's upset."

There in the space of his arms, you found that the horrible beast of pain had quieted, silenced by your lover's embrace. Your body's incontrollable aspects answered to him, quieting when he said so you could be free from any suffering.

"Sweetest girl in the west," Billy mumbled into you, his voice nearly lilted. "I can handle a little snap cause my girl's such an angel anyways."

[flippinpancakes64]

hi !! i absolutely love your work and headcannons sm<3

i'm not sure if smth like this has been asked already, but can you do cullen w/ a "bella?" As in, a human they meet that is their singer + particularly interests them, whether that be because a limitation to their power (like bella w edward) or something similar.

idk if that really makes sense but thank you !!

The Cullens meeting their Blood Singer

I think I understand what you mean, so don't worry!

Also I just got my acrylics off after having them for months and guys it is so nice to be able to feel the keys while I type lol

Also I only applied the power limitation thing to Edward, Alice, Jasper, and Bella since they're the only ones with a power lol. For the others I just went with the reader being a blood singer.

Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!

Edward:

He's already met Bella, but it's said in the books that vampires can have multiple singers

So even though he's been through this before, that doesn't mean that meeting you is any easier

And the deja vu is crazy when he realizes that he can't read your thoughts either

He's like seriously this again

Even though he tries his best to stay away from you, he knows he can't

He accepts it easier this time

And after all of his practice with Bella, he is much less of a danger to you

He is pretty frustrated though

Like seriously he has to fall in love with someone whose mind he can't read again

It's like his own personal curse

Just like with Bella though, he does get used to your scent

And even though he's upset about the fact that he can't use his ability on you, he copes

Alice:

Throughout the series, there are multiple instances where her power has been blocked by people

The wolves, namely

So when she encounters you she is shocked to say the least

She's never witnessed this power in a human before

Not to mention the fact that you smell so delicious

She needs a second to lie down

Unlike the wolves, your power only affects you when you're human

Similar to Bella's

She is exasperated though

Not only did she not foresee you entering her life because of your ability, but she also can't see any of your future

You tripped and fell once and she didn't know that it was going to happen and she was so upset

But as far as you being a singer for her, she's not too bothered

She has pretty good self control so she's able to be around you with little to no difficulty

When she does eventually turn you though you're gonna need to turn off your ability cause she is over it rn

Jasper:

It's a bit touchy for a while

Alice foresaw your arrival and warned Jasper so that he could be prepared

That still didn't properly prepare him for how good you would smell

It takes him a while to not want to kill you

And you have to be super careful not to bleed at all around him

As far as your ability, he has never once met someone who was immune to him

Even Bella's shield was susceptible to him

Carlisle guessed that yours is more of a physical shield than a mental one

Either way he finds it so odd

And a little bit of an inconvenience

But he doesn't use his ability too often on people he knows so it's not that big of a deal

His main concern is not killing you

Rosalie:

Her and Emmett have traveled a lot

So chances are she has probably met a singer before

Only in the past she just flees as fast as she can

Not because she's worried she'll kill them, but mostly just because she doesn't want to deal with that

But there's something different about you

Call it love at first sight

She doesn't struggle too much around you

She's never tasted human blood after all, so her self-control is unmatched

She's pretty hesitant about getting in a relationship with you though

She's worried about what would happen if you accidentally cut yourself or something

She doesn't know if she would be able to stop herself

But she learns to trust herself eventually

Emmett:

Uhm

His first instinct is to kill you

He's done it before

It's mentioned in the books that he has killed 2 or 3 of his blood singers in the past

That's why he tells Edward to just kill and eat Bella

But again there's something different about you

He just feels the strong desire to keep you alive

And so he does

But not without some trouble

Since he's always given into his desires in the past, it's super difficult to deny himself

So it takes a while

But he does push past it eventually

Esme:

She's been with Carlisle her whole life, so her craving have always been controlled

But she feels like a newborn again when she smells you

You're the best thing she's ever smelled, it makes her want to pounce

She goes to Carlisle first

He helps her to control herself and then she finally introduces herself to you

It's super difficult for her

But she loves you

She loves the way you smell, even if she can't have it

And yes she does have a bit of a crisis when she starts to fall in love with you because she thought Carlisle was the only one for her

Waiter I will take my blood singer with a side of angst and existentialism

Carlisle:

He's definitely met a blood singer in the past

He's over 400 years old I'd be more surprised if he hadn't

And because he has had so long to wear down his senses and control them better

He's like a vegan smelling a steak

He can appreciate that it smells good, but he won't eat it

Translating that over to you, he can tell instantly that you are his blood singer, but he will not indulge

There was one instance, though, where you scraped your knee and he had to excuse himself from the room

He felt so bad and apologized profusely afterwards

But you understood

It takes him a while to recover from that

I mean, that's the first time he's really felt such a strong desire to drink human blood in over 300 years

But he gets acclimated to the smell of you after a while so he's okay

Vampire! Bella:

She knew only the surface level of the impact that she used to have on Edward

She watched him struggle, but she never knew how bad it was

Still being so young, her first instinct was to pounce on you in the school hallway

But with Edward and Carlisle's help she was able to control herself

She still struggles a bit, but she's getting better every day

As for your ability, she is frustrated

Now she understands why Edward was so upset about not being able to read her mind

You have the ability to cut through her mind defenses

As a human your ability is very sporadic

You subconsciously send various thoughts of yours straight into her head and it's jarring

You don't even know you're doing it

Even when she strengthens her defenses, you still push through like it's nothing

She apologizes to Edward

[ioaezz]

hi sweetheart! idk if requests are open rn but if they are could you do head canons of the aib characters finding out their partner is the queen of hearts, or just any of the game masters/face cards. Preferably with female reader. Tysm ♥♥

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ QUEENDOM aib characters finding out that their s/o is the queen of hearts and game master (headcannons!)

note: thank you sm for requesting i absolutely love this idea, i really couldn’t wait to write it ( i apologise if something is incorrect, i haven’t had the chance yet to peacefully watch season two but i really wanted to write this )

hikari kuina —

- when the witch hunt ended she was worried about you because she couldn’t find you anywhere but chishiya assured her by telling her that you probably had already left with arisu and usagi

- chishiya then led her to one of the control rooms where they reunited with arisu and usagi

- kuina immediately asked them whether they knew where you were but when they said they didn’t her worry increased

- but she promised herself she would go find you as soon as she was done with this

- the room full of computers left her slightly speechless and she really didn’t know what to think as chishiya and arisu spoke

- as the four of them discussed who could possibly be the game maker, all the computers lit up

- kuina’s held her breath as the game master spoke but when your face clearly appeared on the screens she couldn’t deny it anymore

- her eyes widened and her mouth fell open as your name slipped out of it

- she couldn’t comprehend how you were the one to create this hell not after all the intimate moments you shared

- chishiya had warned her about you, she should have listened but she couldn’t when you were so sweet and loving

- while chishiya had absolutely no idea that you could possibly be the game master he knew to be wary of you because of your specialty in heart games

- kuina quietly watched you laugh while explaining that there would be more games, her heart clenching at the thought that you perhaps never even loved her

- in that moment she truly wished to see an alien instead of you or anyone else for that matter just not you

- when arisu remembered that you and kuina were dating he questioned her whether you had told her anything that could be useful but her response was quite defensive because she was very upset

- she’ll try to forget about you and remind herself that you have to be beaten so she could go home to her sick mother

- she couldn’t help but miss you

- when she saw the fireworks go off, indicating that arisu and usagi had beaten you she felt her eyes watering as she quietly mourned you despite everything you did

- she realised that there was a small part of you that truly loved her

morizono aguni —

- this man is thinking about you 24/7

- he can’t find you anywhere nor anyone who might know where you are

- akane wasn’t much help when he attempted to describe you she only gave him a weirded out look

- so when he found arisu he was ecstatic

- he sat by the river preparing himself for any answer that arisu might give him

- except for the one where you’re the game master

- his movements stop and he feels like he’s about to throw up

- he doesn’t actually listens to what else arisu is saying

- aguni would feel very betrayed and angry, he’s sure that if you were in front of him he’d kill you

- but with time he slightly calms down but he refuses to talk about you to anyone

- he’d question everything you said and did

- tbh he wouldn’t even be surprised anymore if everything you said were lies

- he does wonder though why you became a game master and he’s slightly disappointed in himself that he never even suspected you

- don’t expect him to forgive you for everything you did, he won’t

- but he knows that he still loves you even though you ruined his life

rizuna ann —

- ann had noticed you leaving during the witch hunt but she didn’t think much of it, assuming that you were looking for a place to hide

- but when the game ended and you weren’t anywhere to be found, her concerns grew

- tatta eventually noticed the frown adorning her face and tried to reassure her by telling her that perhaps you went with kuina and chishiya

- while ann knew that was highly unlikely, she kept repeating it in her head so she wouldn’t just stand there

- a day passed and you still hadn’t returned so ann and tatta decided to drive around the city while the other citizens of the beach immigrated to the center of tokyo

- but her search for you had to wait as a new game started

- ann and tatta noticed arisu, usagi, kuina and chishiya hiding while attempting to run away and quickly stopped to pick them up

- she quietly listened to them discuss about the king of spades but quickly straightened up when usagi asked if you were even human

- ann turned around slightly and pretended to ignore the pitying look that kuina gave her as she asked them what you had to do with it

- the color drained from her face and her eyes were wide as arisu told her that you were the game master

- she quickly turned back into her seat while blinking rapidly to stop the tears from forming

- fortunately the king of spades managed to distract her for a while so she wouldn’t think about you

- ann took it pretty hard but pretended like nothing happened and denied feeling hurt by it

- it was only when she was laying beside kuina, taking her last breaths that she let a tear escape

- the last thing she saw were fireworks, her last thought being how you would be together in another life one where nothing would come in between the two of you

ryohei arisu —

- as soon as he realised that you weren’t beside him he started searching for you

- both he and usagi looked everywhere for you but when they were unable to find you, they went to look for the control room with heavy hearts

- the two were left dumbfounded when they saw the hundreds perhaps thousands of screens with bodies littered all across the room

- shortly after chishiya and kuina arrived at the scene before the screens lit up while a cheerful song played

- his heart stopped the moment he realised it was you on the screen

- his emotions were eating him up and his heart was clenching so heart he thought he was about to collapse

- his hands were shaking and he barely managed to keep himself from falling as he watched you smiling joyfully at him

- he barely comprehended what was happening around him as you announced the new games

- he wondered how you could do something like that to him after everything you went through together, after all the things you said to one another

- but he realised that he couldn’t try to justify your actions nor forgive you because he couldn’t betray karube and chota like that

- so he played the games with a broken heart beyond repair

- when he and usagi entered the last game venue he felt his eyes watering

- there you stood with a wide smile as you welcomed them as the queen of hearts

- as the game went on he realised that you truly had no idea what love was despite him having declared his love to you multiple times and shown you affection

- when you revealed that you made the seven hearts game specifically for him and his dead friends he was ready to shoot you

- but to escape the borderlands he had to win and he can’t win if you’re not alive

- he could feel usagi’s concerned glances as you continued manipulating them, making them question everything they knew

- but at the end when you gracefully died with a smile on your face, one that would haunt him for the rest of his life, he knew that you had grown to love him in your own twisted sick way

shuntaro chishiya —

- chishiya had quickly noticed that you were gone but despite his concern he left to find the control room

- he knew that you could handle being on your own for a few hours so he thoughts he could quickly get over with it before he and kuina would search the city for you

- but as you appeared on the countless amount of screens with open arms and a wide smile he realised that he probably would never see you again

- he couldn’t stop the way his face fell at the realisation that you had manipulated him

- chishiya knew he should have listened to his gut feeling but it was too late now

- he cared too much about you, much more than he normally would

- he felt like cursing you and shoving you off a building but he couldn’t ignore the stinging pain in his heart

- when kuina turned to him with wide concerned eyes he played it off by saying that he should have expected it from someone like you

- and during the whole time that he played games you wouldn’t leave his thoughts

- he wondered whether you made the collar that he was wearing or perhaps you just made the design

- the overthinking wouldn’t stop and he hated himself for ever loving you

- but as he was laying against a car with a bullet in his chest, he replayed all the moments he shared with you

- the final and last blow came when the fireworks went off and he got given an option of staying or leaving

- his heart shattered at the realisation that you were dead

- he looked at the exploding queen of hearts cards and wondered if you ever meant what you said to him, and as much as he hated it he knew that he had meant every word he said to you

suguru niragi —

- tbh he had better things to worry about during the ten hearts game so he only thought about you when everything had calmed down

- he was sitting on the ground while wrapping some bandages around his burned body when he wondered what you were doing

- when he found the king of clubs game he was actually looking for you and was slightly annoyed to see you weren’t there

- but he saw arisu and his friends so he wanted to ask them

- unfortunately he was too slow and the game had already started so he decided to ask after the game

- after kuina and arisu gave him a high-five he questioned them about your whereabouts

- he rolled his eyes as they all nervously glanced at each other before they told him that you were the game master

- he was not expecting that shit

- at first he’d think that they all went crazy but as he thought about it, it did make sense

- he would feel furious at first then he’d calm down

- niragi would wonder who of you was crazier: you, a sadistic liar or him, an abusive, psychotic narcissist

- it didn’t take long for him to conclude that you were ‘definitely crazier’ than him

- even though he found out that you were the game master, niragi would still run around looking for you

- after he shot chishiya and was dying on the floor not too far from the blonde, he would think about you

- now he was a 100% sure that you manipulated him into thinking that he loved you bc he’s sure that he’ll never love someone

- suddenly the large sign of the queen of hearts exploded and his heart dropped as he realised that you died

- fireworks went off indicating that they had won and could leave but tears were falling from his eyes as he kept his gaze steady on the rooftop where you had died

yuzuha usagi —

- usagi was breathing heavily as she watched the beach burn until she thought about the last time she saw you

- it had been in the beginning of the game and you promised her to hide while she went to help arisu

- but as she looked around she realised you weren’t there

- arisu managed to convince her to go to the control room with him after promising to help her looking for you after

- but the after never came when they found out that you were the game master

- usagi felt devastated as she watched you talk on the screens with a smile

- she wondered whether you ever faked the words you said

- but even if you did she wasn’t ready to let go of you yet

- she claimed to hate you and everything you did but her heart already clenched at the mention of your name

- at night she cried into arisu’s shoulder as she wondered where it went wrong

- during the games she managed to distract herself long enough to forget you for a couple of hours but when the adrenaline started to disappear you would haunt her mind endlessly

- when time came to play against the queen of hearts she felt like she could die of heartache alone

- arisu had offered to go alone but usagi refused to let her friend go against you all alone

- but reality really hit her when you stood there with a pretty dress and a charming smile on your face that usually would have swooned her

- for the entire game she had to hold back tears anytime she looked at you

- pain, betrayal and anger took over when you treated her as if you weren’t making people play to survive

- it was only when she looked up at you as she was bleeding in arisu’s arms, that she recognised a part of you by the look in your eyes

- it was the same look you gave her anytime she kissed you after a game with blush coating her cheeks or when you brushed your teeth in the morning while looking at her through the bathroom mirror with upturned lips

- she felt a sob take through her body and she knew the worst had yet to come

- and her prediction was right, you looked at her with a peaceful smile on your face before the laser went right through your head

- as your body fell to the ground, usagi rushed towards your body with trembling hands as she clung onto your body for the last time

[myballsyourballs]

so i see that requests are openn!! my first time requesting so please correct me if i said anything wrongjehd, i want one loonng fic (if u can obv) abt reader ranting to kaeya because she is rlly close to him (and she is dating diluc btw no romantic feelings between kaeya and reader) abt how she feels like she isn't good enough or at diluc's level and thinks it's unfair for diluc for her to stick with him and diluc overhears everything and they go back to dawn winery and have a long angsty chat and comforts reader. THATS IT IDK IF IM MAKING SENSE, you can totally ignore this if you don't want to write it ofc <3

far from perfection

diluc x fem! reader

genre: angst/fluff imagine

notes: sorry this wasn't very angsty- im not in a very angsty mood rn</3

synopsis: reader is a little insecure about her relationship with diluc. she confides in kaeya, and diluc overhears.

masterlist | make a request

“Kaeya?”

“Hey,” the man in question pauses in his writing, glancing up at you with a smile. Kaeya resumes his paperwork for a brief moment, before ending the sentence he was writing with a flamboyant underline. “What’s up?” He kicks his feet onto the desk, crossing his legs at the ankles.

You sigh, slumping into the chair opposite him. “I feel like shit."

Kaeya raises a gloved hand to cover his growing smirk. "I can see that."

You frown, glaring at the cavalry captain. "I'm serious."

"Got it," Kaeya murmurs, expression switching to amused into something sincere. "What happened? Trouble in paradise?"

At the sight of your now melancholic-like expression, he sighs gently. Guess he hit the nail on the head. "What'd he do this time?"

"What?" your face morphs into confusion for a moment. It's such a foreign, alien idea that Diluc could have ever done something to upset you. "No, nothing. Diluc is perfect..."

You trail off.

Kaeya stares expectantly.

"Well that-- that's sort of the problem. Diluc is... too perfect."

The man in front of you raises his eyebrows sarcastically, looking at you like you just read the entirety of the Gliding Manual aloud and he was forced to listen. "I really don't want to hear you yammer on about how much you like Diluc. Spare me, please."

You groan, "That's not it." Your hands drag down your face, your slight irritation verging on exasperation. Kaeya gives good advice, but it’s hard to actually get that advice when he never stops talking.

"Then what is 'it'?"

"I'm not good enough for him. He's so amazing and I'm just... me."

Kaeya's eyes flicker with realisation before he moves into disbelief. "Seriously? Diluc is mediocre at best. You, on the other hand, are great. I'm very picky with those I associate with. You being one of my closest friends is not something to take lightly."

"Friends isn't even close to partners," you mutter, eyes downcast. "You're missing the point. I'm not good enough for him. That's fact, and I don't know how I should deal with it."

"How? How are you not good enough for him?" Kaeya asks, merely confused at this point. He couldn't really fathom how you could see yourself like that.

“He’s so out of my league— I mean, he’s the owner of this incredible winery, he makes up more than half of Mondstadt’s entire alcohol industry, owns a tavern, he can bartend, he’s the wealthiest guy in this region, he’s selfless, kind and sweet and— and not to mention — he’s a literal hero!” you furrowed your brows, voice cracking near the end of your little spiel. “I don’t— how do I even come close to living up to that?”

Kaeya looks mildly surprised, albeit slightly sad. “You don’t have to. You’re his lover. And—”

“But I shouldn’t be!” you shake your head, eyes watering in frustration. He didn't get it. “Diluc is perfect! And I couldn’t be farther from that…”

Kaeya sighs. You hear the floorboards creak as he moves to sit next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Now, I have no idea what got these thoughts in your head, but they’re irrelevant. Diluc is really not that perfect—”

“Yes, he is. It’s completely unfair to Diluc for me to stick with him,” you mumble, throat dry. “I’m not good enough.”

“Hey, now,” Kaeya chastises. “I, for one, think you’re fantastic. Diluc, as… mediocre of a brother he is, makes some good choices. And one of them was choosing you to be his partner,” he pauses, letting the words sink in before beginning to speak again.

“Not to mention, Diluc is his own person with his own free-will. You don’t get to decide whether he wants you or not, he does. And he’d be an idiot not to want you. Given he’s still in a relationship with you, I guarantee a lack of want isn’t the case.”

That gets you thinking. Whilst on some degree, Kaeya is making sense — everyone makes mistakes. Diluc, as perfect as he is, isn’t exempt from that. A slip in judgement, or simply not thinking things through could've caused this situation. A situation that, in Diluc’s mind, could be one that he thinks he’s trapped in. Breaking up with you could hurt his relationship with Kaeya even more, given the two of you are friends. This then makes him trapped, in a sense. Right?

You settle into a somber silence, Kaeya's hand rubbing gentle circles on your back.

"I really..." don't think that's true. Not like you were gonna say that, though. Kaeya was already dealing with a lot already -- you interrupting his time to do paperwork just so you could rant was enough.

"You really...?"

"I... ah, thank you. I really wanna thank you. You're a good friend, Kaeya."

The cavalry captain smiles, "Of course I am. I'm the best."

You chuckle, looking away. A beat passes. "I should head back, shouldn't I?"

Kaeya hums, nodding his head gently. "Probably," He moves from his spot next to you and settles back into his desk chair, sighing. Blue hair sways as he hangs his head back, eyes sliding shut.

Taking that as your cue to leave, you stand, plastering on a bright smile. "Thanks again, Kaeya.”

Kaeya’s eyes meet yours for a beat, narrowing in suspicion at your sudden change in mood. "…Anytime."

The atmosphere feels odd when you walk into the Dawn Winery.

“Diluc?” you call.

“Was that true?”

His voice responds. You look towards him. He’s got his back towards you, leaning casually on a chair with his arms crossed. His shoulders are still.

Diluc seems solemn. He still won’t face you.

“Was wha—”

“Do you really believe that? That you’re such a burden to me?” He turns his head to face you slightly.

Your body stills. You almost wait for him to clarify if he overheard your conversation with Kaeya, but it's a clear guarantee that he has. Diluc’s eyes are looking everywhere but at yours.

“Oh. That. Uh,” your lip trembles slightly, “Yeah, I do think that. B—But it’s not your fault! And, you know, it’s alright if you want to break up with—”

“How could you say that?” Diluc whispers. His eyes finally meet yours. It’s a startling sight; eyes red-rimmed and brows furrowed with such emotion. Diluc never loses his cool. Not even in front of you. “You mean everything to me. You could never be a problem, nor a burden to me. I am… not all that perfect. Not as much as you make me out to be. Don’t compare yourself to the likes of me,” he pauses, contemplative. His brows knit together further, fingers clenching and unclenching at his sides. He chuckles dryly, “You’ll only disappoint yourself.”

"You are perfect, though. It's--"

"No, I'm not. That’s delusional.”

You flinch back.

“No, that’s not what I—” he rubs a hand on his temple, “That’s exactly what I mean. Sometimes I say the wrong thing, or make the wrong choice. My money and wealth doesn’t make me better. I’m still… me. Nobody’s perfect. Especially not me.”

“But… that—”

“There’s no use trying to disagree. I am not perfect. Neither are you. Nor anyone else.”

You purse your lips, avoiding his eyes. You can hear his heavy boots approaching you, his clothing rustling and buckles clinking.

“…You don’t get it, Diluc.”

He hums, “Enlighten me, then. What don’t I get?”

“I’m not good enough for you. You deserve someone better,” you sigh, “You might not be perfect, but in my mind, and everyone else’s, you are damn near close. I’m not worth it. I’m probably one of the worst picks for you and you don’t even know it--”

“--I do know that you’re one of the best picks for me. And I think that I, as an independent adult man, would know what’s good for me. I know what I want,” Diluc pauses, grabbing your hands with glove-clad fingers, “and I want you. No one else. Just you.”

You pursed your lips. "Surely--"

"No. There are no exceptions, no 'but's, no nothing. I want you," he clenches his jaw, "only you."

"...You aren't staying with me just to keep on good terms with Kaeya, right?"

"What? No," Diluc sighs again, exasperated. He goes silent for a bit -- as if considering what to say that will convince you. "A baby is able to cry when they want food, or reach out when they want affection. If a baby can figure out what they want, why can't I?"

"Diluc, that isn't the same at all--"

"[Y/N]. It doesn't matter. Stop arguing with me. You will not win."

"Yeah, but a baby--"

"[Y/N]."

"--doesn't have complex desires like--"

"[Y/N]."

"Okay, fine."

[cicimunson]

What You Deserve

Author's Note: I'm easing back into writing, so this fic is super short but it's basically therapy for me rn. I do plan to resume all my series, gonna be on here much more.

Story Summary: You get your heart broken, and Eddie is there for you.

Ship: Eddie Munson x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: Reader is really fucking sad, there's a stabbing joke, idk if that would bother someone but just in case.

You burst into Eddie’s trailer without knocking, practically sprinting down the hall to his room and flinging open the door. He and his friends jump when you barge in, startled, Gareth practically falling off the bed.

“Jesus, Y/N do you knock-” Eddie trails off as he notices your tear streaked face. “Alright guys, out.” He says immediately, waving a hand dismissively.

Jeff groans. “You’re kicking us out? We’re in the middle of campaign plotting!”

“Out!” Eddie repeats, pushing them towards the door.

“Of course his girlfriend ranks above us guys, don’t act surprised.” Dustin teases, tugging on Jeff’s arm.

“She’s not my girlfriend, for the millionth time.” Eddie rolls his eyes. He wishes though.

“Mhmm, tell us that the next time you kick us out.” Gareth grumbles.

“You don’t…Eddie, never mind, I didn’t realize you were busy.” You manage to choke out.

Dustin whirls towards you when he hears the pain in your voice and realizes you’re sobbing. “Nah Y/N, it’s totally okay, we were pretty much done.” He smiles sympathetically before elbowing Jeff in the ribs.

“I’m sorry.” You mumble.

“It’s okay Y/N, we really were wrapping it up.” Jeff pats your arm as they leave.

As soon as they’re out the door, Eddie pulls you into his arms, hugging you tightly. “Sweets, what’s wrong? What happened?”

You start to sob again, burying your face in his shoulder. “He chose her. He told me he was moving on and he chose her.”

“Oh fuck. I’m so sorry. Fuck.” Eddie snuggles you closer, stroking your hair. “You deserved better than that fucking prick anyways.”

You sniffle. “Stop, he wasn’t a prick. He told me we’d never be together and I kept on deluding myself into thinking we would somehow.”

“He also told you he was in love with you knowing that you two could never be. He never should have told you. He should have left you alone.”

“Stop, you always blame other people when I’m upset. This was on me. I saw him pulling away and I knew he was trying to move on and I still held on to hope. It just hurts. I was so fucking stupid.”

“Don’t ever say that about yourself again.” Eddie says sternly, brushing tears from your face with his thumb.

“It’s true. Of course he chose her. She’s perfect. She’s skinny and beautiful and uncomplicated and everything I’m not. I knew. I fucking knew he was gonna choose her.”

“Stop it. You are fucking perfect and if he can’t see that, if he can move on like you’re nothing, he’s the fucking stupid one.”

Eddie’s heart is breaking for you. To see you sobbing and hysterical, to see you so fucking broken, it’s almost more than he can take. You were the most amazing person he’d ever known, and he hated the guy for making you doubt that.

“I want him to move on and be happy, he deserves it. But I didn’t know it was gonna hurt this badly. I know it’s selfish but I can’t help but think “What about me? What am I supposed to do?”

“It’s not selfish. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel. Your feelings are valid and fuck anyone that makes you feel otherwise.” Eddie insists, hugging you close again. “I’ve got you, okay? I’m here for you, always.”

“Can we lay down? Please? I’ve cried to the point of exhaustion.” You mumble. All you’d done the entire day was sob and your eyes were so swollen you could barely hold them open.

He pulls you onto the bed with him, shifting onto his back so that you can rest your head on his chest. “Anything you need, sweets. I’m right here.” He murmurs, kissing the top of your head.

“Thank you. I’m really sorry that I interrupted your stuff with your friends.”

“Don’t apologize. You needed me. I’d drop anything if you needed me.” Eddie admits, grateful that you can’t see the blush creeping up his neck.

“You’re so sweet. I don’t know what I would do without you.” You lean up and kiss his cheek. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

He blushes more. “You’ll always have me, Y/N.”

“Your face is red, are you hot?” You start to lean back but he tugs you against him again.

“I’m fine. Stay.” He insists.

You snuggle into his arms, reaching a hand up to twist a lock of his hair around your fingers. Your tears stop after awhile, your sniffles subside. Eddie rocks you in his arms, humming a song soothingly.

“He broke my heart, Eds.” You whisper after a bit. “And I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again.”

“You will. In time you won’t even remember him. Someone will mention his name and you’ll draw a blank. I promise you.” 

“I don’t want to forget him. I just want the pain to stop.”

“It will, baby. Just give it time. And do whatever you need to do to feel better. Your feelings, your mental health, that’s what matters right now and fuck anyone that can’t see that.”

“You’re so insanely loyal, you know that? I could kill someone and you’d say it was their fault for running into my knife.”

“Shouldn’t have been running around sharp objects, totally their fault.” He quips, smoothing your hair as you look up at him. “Seriously, you will find happiness again. You don’t need anyone else to be happy. It comes from you, sweets.”

“You’re amazing, you know that, right?” You smile at him and realize it’s the first time you’ve smiled in days.

“There’s that gorgeous grin, I’ve missed that.” He can’t help but run his thumb over your bottom lip. Your breath hitches and your lips part as if they have a mind of their own.

Eddie groans softly, eyes fixated on your mouth. “Sweets…” His tone carries a warning.

You close off the space between the two of you and kiss him. Eddie returns the kiss, caught up in a moment of weakness. He should stop this. You’re not in the right mindset. But he indulges for a few more seconds before pulling away.

“We can’t.” He murmurs. “You need time and I understand that.”

You blush, starting to pull away from him. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

He tugs you back, shaking his head. “No, I’m glad you did. And I want to revisit this, when you’ve gotten over your heartbreak. I don’t want to be a rebound or a way to forget about him. I want to know that it’s real, Y/N, cause it’s real for me.”

“It is for me, too. But I agree, I need some time to process and move on from this.”

“Of course, sweets.”

~~~~~~~~~~

And Eddie does that. He gives you space and time, staying by your side to help you through your heartbreak. He holds your hand, he makes sure you eat and get some sleep, he listens to you cry and vent and scream and do everything you need to do to move on.

And one day someone brings up the guy you lost in conversation. Eddie’s eyes immediately flicker over to you, frowning.

But you’re okay. You barely register his name, your expression doesn’t change. You nod politely when someone tells you he’s engaged now, no trace of sadness or remorse on your face.

And that night, Eddie kisses you again for the first time in months. He cups your face and holds you close and tells you that he’s proud of you, that you’re amazing, and that you’re all his. Because after all, being happy with Eddie is what you deserve.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @cluz1babeabe @aunicornmademedoit @neewtmas @harrystylesandthegoobs @cancankiki @cal-is-not-on-branding @cltopp199999

[mommyghostface28]

Hey I need a little bit of advice. My bdsm partner is so possessive to the point it makes me feel controlled and like I did something wrong if I have friends I talk to outside of the time I spend with her. I get she's trying to control me but idk how to make it stop. My only knowledge of how to make it stop is to just disappear off of the social media sites she could contact me on and disappear from her life so she can't manipulate me. She wants me all to herself in an abusive way and it scares me....

I feel like it's my fault for the way she treats me...she probably misunderstood what I meant by telling her I find it lowkey sexy when a partner loves you so much they get a little possessive during sex....i certainly only meant in the way a domme says "youre all mine baby" during sex for dirtytalk or marking with hickeys etc and stated that clearly but she just isn't that way, she's the abusive manipulative type and I've attracted her and I wish I could leave this dom/sub dynamic....not her forcing me to isolate myself from the world and shaming me for talking to my friends....she gets sad and annoyed when I do and I just wanna keep crying thinking about this to type it....

She lovebombs me all the time after she hurts or upsets me...and she makes me go rougher during sex than I have told her Im able to handle. To the point it hurts but she continues and tells me im not done till she says so...and not in a sexy way but in a sexual assault (I've already called a safeword but she carries on)

I'm so sorry for venting here but as someoen who knows about domme/sub dymamics, please help....Idk what to do anymore...ibfeel trapped by them. And all she ever does is force me to show mer my naked body on camera despite me feeling uncomfy. And I was in pain today physically and felt sick, but she wasn't taking no for an answer when doing sexual stuff ... we've been together a month and I hate to think what my future will be like if I feel trapped already...

I am too scared to come forward by dms, and I realise we need to talk it through properly for advice, but I'd there any chance you can just reply publicly but inna way that keeps me anonymous? It's just I know she has my tumblr and I don't want her seeing my dms or getting suspicious of me as that'll make her angry and guilt trip me for reaching out.

All I need I guess is a public but anon reply for advice....thank you mommy...I've been one of your anons for a while but now that she has my tumblr, my dms aren't a safe space for me to ask for your support...

I feel so vulnerable rn mentally and keep feeling the need to slip into my littlespace but I don't feel at all safe around her... 😭

Love..oh my gosh :( this doesn’t sound healthy at all..this is coming from a Domme who’s possessive but definitely not like that. They sound toxic, the emotional abuse here is very apparent and I hate that they’re using bdsm as a way to execute it. A D/s dynamic does not give anyone the right to control someone like that. Isolating you from your friends, not taking no for an answer, all of it is concerning. My advice is to end things, as soon as possible. I don’t see any improvement here, they’re not a good person to engage with. I don’t feel there’s a conversation you could have with her that would change things. I’m sorry you’re going through this..they’re definitely not a good Dom(me).

If you can break things off safely, please do so. Then block them. Make it as clear as you can you want no contact whatsoever. I’m wishing you the best darling..keep my posted ❤️ be safe

[t0ast-ghost]

S3 EP20 (The Way To Eden) Space hippies? I love an episode where someone slightly annoying is on board

Yippee kyack or whatever:

- What. The costume designs here are. I’m not even sure

- Purple hair? I bet they have pronouns too

- CHEKOV LORE?!?

- Time to ask: What the fuck is happening (edit: record time)

- Where did Spock even come from? Kirk was talking to the group and he just walks over to Spock like Spock is just always there. When did he appear???

- Spock picking up on their behaviour and copying it in a way that will get them to respond positively

- The writers created a myth about a planet. And named the planet Eden. C’mon.

- when they just start chanting Herbet it’s like Kirk becomes instantly uncool. I think if a bunch of middle schoolers just started chanting a random name at me I’d cry

- “One of those… was in the academy?” What the fuck Kirk

- I can’t tell if this episode is going to be very against the group (like Kirk is right now) or if their side of the argument will be validated to some extent (I have a feeling they might be validated cause Spock understands them and also stated that they were academic) (edit: it was a secret third option)

- idk I like this photo

- The singing sounds so off from the images, it was most likely added in post production

- “Gonna crack my knuckles and jump for joy, I got a clean bill of health from Dr. McCoy.” Goes kinda hard tbh

- NURSE CHAPEL YEAHHHHHHH. Hiiiiii

- That redshirt who looks at Chekov in the hallway is such a bitch for that look

- Kirk’s tits McCoy cracking the case. Good job👍

- Oh hi Sulu! Don’t join a cult !

- *sits down in chair and crosses leg over knee*

- Spock is so pretty ☺️☺️☺️

- Spock keeping his promise and finding Eden for the others even if the leader is a selfish prick

- We get to see Spock’s room again, I love Spock’s room, like why is there a stone statue water fountain in there? What is that?

- Chekov don’t tell her how the ship works. Do not divulge important information

- This is like the Star Trek tos musical episode, isn’t it?

- SPOCK Yes! Please play please please please please llssezz

- I like when it switches to the redshirts on the bridge just straight up jamming

- C’mon man. LOOK AT HIM

- HES JAMMING OMG SPOCKS JAMMING

- I need McCoy and Kirk to witness this

- Spock is done at the function. He leaves.

- “Adam, you know I reach you. I believe in what you seek. But there is a tragic difference between what you want and what he wants.” Spock really connects with them and it’s upsetting to see him have to witness them being misled

- At this point that guy is gonna blow up the ship

- Kirk doesn’t fuck around. If the door is locked Scotty’s gonna phaser through that fucker

- I can’t with Kirk’s faces rn

- I love the singing playing through the ship with everyone passed out, it’s such a perfect amount of eerie

- Kirk checking on Bones 🥹🥹🥹

- hiii McCoy hiiii

- I never noticed that the scanner could be uncapped and used as a healing device?

- Adam ate a pear lol

- I did NOT want to see that foot shot

- I like that Spock has such a soft side for the younger people in the show. Like he always has a sense of pride towards Chekov and cared so much about everyone in the group this episode

Thoughts are: Spock is good with kids, Kirk is terrible with kids, and McCoy is just himself always so there’s a reason he’s not a paediatrician but he’s still good with kids

Masterpost

Teleplay by Arthur Heinemann

Story by Michael Richards & Arthur Heinemann

[jubiilee13]

hi babes I saw you begging for requests for mike schmidt so I decided to send my own request to you… as cliche as it is, could you write an angsty misunderstanding fic where basically mike is over-working himself to death and barely making time for you and you think you did something wrong but it turns out mike was just tired af. It can be smut or fluff since I don’t know what you really like to write. Sorry if this request is bad I’m not good at asking for things😭😭

-anon

anon ily ty for the request 😻😻

this may be a lil bad bc I’m sick rn but I hope u still enjoy 🫶

warnings: tiny mention of blood, angst, angy mike, sad reader, alludes to a little smut at the end but yeah

lets just say for this abby is at a um... sleepover or smth idk i forgot to include her

didnt check this for grammatical errors so my bad if it sucks lmao

—

you and mike didn’t fight often

i mean you never really had reason to

but lately mike had been weird, he had been… distant.

mike often had his rough days, as did you, but this time was different.

every morning when he returned home instead of his usual warm embraces, you’d been receiving the cold shoulder, at most a few sentences spoken between the two of you before he dragged himself off to bed.

you were worried to say the least, you knew you had done nothing wrong, yet something in your gut made you wonder if you did.

so you decided today was the day you were going to talk to him about it.

boy was that a bad idea...

the moment mike stepped out of his bedroom he spotted you, anxiously fidgeting as your eyes met his own

"we need to talk mike" you mumble, clearly not looking forward to having this conversation.

mike rolls his eyes, "what y/n" he replies, attitude evident in his tone, yet the attitude is weak, and you note his face is just a bit paler than usual, the bags under his eyes more evident, something was off.

"whats been going on with us mike?" you ask, voice trembling "did... did i do something? you- you've been so distant..."

"its nothing y/n, stop worrying" he says with a scoff, and you bite your lip.

"mike you dont have to lie to me" you say softly, extending your hand out to him to soothe him.

Then something inside him snaps, that movement- that feeling. he couldnt take it.

"God damn it y/n i said nothing is wrong! you never listen! just leave me alone! you clearly only make things worse!" he cries out, and your body freezes.

"o-oh" is all you can say, retracting your trembling hand, clearly in shock

"o-okay um... um i-i'll leave you be..." you mumble under your breath, trying to hide your emotions until you were out of his sight.

you scurry away, biting your lip so hard it draws blood, and the moment you enter your bedroom the tears escape.

you shut the door behind you, leaning against it and sliding to your knees, hand reaching to cover your mouth to hide the sobs.

what had you done?

did you upset him?

is he gonna leave?

so many questions flooded your mind all at once

it was so overwhelming, all you wanted was him... but right now that was the one thing you couldnt have.

so you sat there, leaning against the door of your room for god knows how long.

eventually when no more tears could fall, you lead yourself to your bed, a bed that had been untouched for a few months now due to you always sleeping with mike, and after a few more shaky breaths, you slipped into a uneasy slumber.

As you slept, mike took himself for a drive, his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles faded to white.

he was angry

he was tired

he just wanted to be home

it slowly started to dawn on him that upon his arrival home earlier, his anger had been misdirected.

he wasnt mad at you

he loved you

god- you just wanted to help

why couldnt he see that?

he lets out a shaky sigh, punching his steering wheel as he lets out a few grunts of anger (much to the dismay of the car infront of him)

he decides to leave you be for the time being, and he leads him self on down the winding road, until he comes across an empty parking lot.

he lets himself settle there for a while, staring into the dark abyss in front of him.

eventually he decides to call you, and when you dont pick up... he calls again.

and again.

and... again....

and 12 more times.

he was worried to say the least, what if you left him? what. if you didnt love him anymore?

after the final call he places his phone in his pocket, running a hand through his hair as he starts up the car again and heads home.

in the meantime you were at home, tossing and turning, unable to find a true sense of saftey in your own sheets and god was it horrible.

you didnt notice the buzzing of your phone, nor the vibration any time left another voicemaiil.

so you lay on your back, your teary eyes staring up at the ceiling.

thats when you heard the front door open, the jingling of mikes house keys alongside his work ones

maybe he didnt leave

did he come back for you?

maybe he-

your thoughts are interrupted however by a gentle, almost silent knock at your door. you want to open it, you really do, but you're scared.

for once you put aside your fear and you sit up, quietly tiptoeing over to the door and cracking it open just enough to meet mikes eyes.

both of your teary eyes meet one another, and something snaps within both of you

your grip on the handle goes slack as mike gently pushes further on the door, and the moment it opens enough for him to enter, youre surrounded by him

he kisses you gently, his hands wrapping around you, and you two hold the kiss until you eventually pull away to gasp for air

"im so sorry- i never meant to snap at you baby- i-i- im just so exhausted- work is so hard- i-i never meant to take it out on you- i love you so muc y/n- i"

you cut him off by kissing him again, this kiss growing more heated, your body pressing against his

"its ok" you whisper when you pull away, your foreheads resting against one another

"we'll be ok" you whisper

those 3 words are repeated for the rest of the night, along with other words of praise and affirmation.

the two of you love each other, and tonight it shows.

just as youre about to fall into a warm, peaceful sleep, mike presses a kiss against your damp forehead.

"i love you"

that was all you needed to hear in order to slip into slumber in his embrace.

--

yayayayya mike

i hope that was good

ok ily

bye pookster

[t4t4t]

God how suicidal Collie is is so exhausting and stressful. She seems more resentful of me the more suicidal she is and unpredictably silly sweet and kind sometimes. I've been trying to be sweet the past few weeks more and it's barely done anything. Idk. Maybe some. I love her so much. I wish I knew how to comfort her. She's so overwhelmed by even basic self care.

She's usually so upset in the mornings. She's so misanthropic. I feel so alone. She keeps saying capitalism makes life not worth living, her body isn't worth living in, there's no worth talking to or making friends with. But then sometimes later she'll make posts and message people, but it seems like she's teasing the world and more wants the attention and compliments than pursuing anything. But that's probably depression and demotivation than arrogance.

"Everyone leave me the fuck alone forever. Disappear."

We're both so lost and alone still.

I can't believe I got bottom surgery at all and I'm worried we won't have rent for next month. She has a surgery date herself 11/13. I have FFS 1/28. If we make it I guess.

She's telling me I need to tell all my friends to kill themselves because it's nothing to me, they're nothing to me, first thing that annoys me, I'll say it she says. I've maybe said it once or twice in the past 6 months, idk everything has been so stressful and confusing and awful. I hate myself. I've been wanting to say it less, say even fuck you less and less. It makes me so sad to be angry

She calls me Ms Kill Yourself, apparently I'm so good at it. She thinks I'm talking to someone rn typing this. She's saying I need to call them worthless. I wish I could grow instead of wallowing in suffering. She says I need to tell all the people I talk to (because I have no friends), "kill yourself, worthless."

I feel like I've made more genuine friends here recently in the past few months than ever being here. I'm supposed to go to some sort of gathering with a few tmrw, someone is making a bunch of vegan food for it for me. I feel so lucky and unlucky rn. I hope she doesn't make it awkward or sad but she probably will.

"You are dead to me. Nothing ever again. I don't want to see you ever again."

I woke up early to go to a food bank and she's saying she won't do shit for me.

So many tears. I wish I knew what to do.

I'll always love her and I'll always hate myself I guess. I love her guitar playing. I wish I had gotten my own guitar ever and she ever taught me anything.

"I'm so happy there's nothing on the other side. Nothing, forever, never been anything more exciting."

"There is nothing to live for." -- I'm confused why she says this. There's so many reasons to live, reasons to die makes more sense. Idk

"Everyone of you are failures. Worthless. Embarrassed to be the same species. What a low thing to be, alive. A higher point would be dead. Would rather be dead, would rather be ashes. I have a kink now, nothing brings me joy like the thought of not being alive. Nothing else will make me happy. I give up."

The friend made a rly good vegan sushi for their birthday party two weeks ago, I'm looking forward to having it again. Idk. I like eating more than she does, she has ARFID for sure.

[silantryoo]

as much as im annoyed by the potential implications of the mhj/hybe drama i do feel like theres way too much speculation rn ... rlly doesn't sit so well with me that everyone is bashing on mhj alone (im not supporting her either though) and not bang sihyuk too. some hybe stans rlly js worship the guy and idk why . its not like he's innocent too. like those texts from him are so annoying too. abt if she's satisfied that nwjns is so popular and also abt trying to rival aespa / bp alone ...

hybe has sm power and r known for their mediaplay so i rlly do wish people would keep that in mind instead of doing their own speculation to bash on mhj . we don't know fs if she's the reason behind seunghan, youngseo, etc .... it seems so forced that everyone just collectively is making stuff up on their own theories and pissing on her. like im all for it when everything's done with but it's giving misogyny to me ughhh idk how to explain it eitherr without sounding like a mhj stan I PROMISE IM NOT TAKING HER SIDE T_T i just cant help but feel like poeple find it easier to hate and bash on women sometimes. even me scrolling x nowadays feels so annoying. literally feel so bad for illit and nwjns rn.

personally i was a teeny annoyed that illit had a similar image to nwjns w their nostalgia/coquettecore (also though just seems like cute/youthful concept is making a cb in general in kpop) but only because their songs on super real me were the exact type of songs i liked most from nwjns (super shy, hurt etc. the softer less peppy songs compared to hybe boy) so it bothered me that there was an implication that nwjns might be forced to distance itself to a more differing concept to keep some contrast btwn the two ... but ik that's not illit's fault at all (literally love the girls sm im a runext fan ^^) i feel like i can understand the upset that illit was getting a similar concept when every other grp before illit in hybe had more defined concepts seperating each other. but once again that's all hybe's doing ...... seeing the choreographers supporting mhj too makes it seem like not even the nwjns team or even all the staff were on board with the references in the choreo either...

anyways i do hope this controversy doesnt impede on either grps promos :( and i rlly hope everything gets sorted out... im srsly hoping this doesnt turn into a 5050 situtation again but with nwjns i was so upset when that happened . was curious on what your thoughts were or if u were keeping up with everything?

the way im coming back to reply to this first thing after my exams is insane, but this nwjns thing makes me so angry for all the idols under hybe. both parties j cares sm ab money that they're blindsided by the potential of ruining their idols careers, mental health and images. mhj is being stupid and hybe does seem to be doing anything to protect nwjns (as far as we know. i could be wrong).

(yawl, jsyk i obv dont have ALL the information. from what ive seen online and the articles ive read, this is what I THINK. ME. youre free to think smthn else, whether i agree or not.)

i def thing that bang hyung sik (bhs) isn't innocent either. although min heejin (mhj), in my opinion, is more in the wrong j based on the treatment of other idols, bhs seemed to provoke her, and on top of that, the company seems to blindly support ppl and give them a platform so long as they make profit for the company. ive been seeing a lot of ppl saying hes j human but youd think theres a reason why mhj got kicked from sm, yk? and you j took her back in w open arms.

hybe is v good at media play fs. its their forte, and ppl seemed to stray from the from the main problem. mhj is using nwjns as a weapon. hybe probably is doing the same thing w their other groups too, dont get me wrong. ppl seem to forget that this entire issue isnt "drama", its a legal battle ensuing between a huge corporation and its subsidiary. hybe has infinite power compared to ador. its horrible on both ends.

the thing is tho, mhj has consistently been showing the public red flags. the lyrics of 'cookie (ik she didnt write the lyrics but shes the ceo. she got them approved)', the portraits gifted to her of naked underaged girls, her obsession w olivia hussey (who happens to look like minji), her treatment of sm employees, her past work w shinee (sexualization of underaged taemin), etc. not to mention her extremely (at least in my eyes) inappropriate relationship w nwjns. the gifts shes gotten them and how she uses their emotions as a weapon. if bhs did that, everyone would be up in arms.

i dont think (for the most part) this is misogyny. i think ppl alw had a weird feeling about her. at least i did.

idt its good to speculate on ppls departure tho. youre def right ab that. the lsfm hate train (esp the coachella one) most likely has nothing to do w mhj. and i do agree that hybe copied or was at least inspired by nwjns, but idt illit copied them. illit and nwjns have a very 'pinkpantheress' sound, the uk early 00's bedroom pop genre. however, nwjns is more y2k and illit is more dream-like, ykwim? hybe was def inspired by nwjns tho. i think a more fitting one would be tws tbh. their sound is v similar to me (emphasis on to me) than illit.

dont get me wrong, it's incredibly shady and the way that a lot of staff are on her side makes me think that hybe was leeching off of the success of nwjns. it referenced all girl groups under hybe tho, lsfm and fromis, but there was def more nwjns references.

what im worried ab the most are the groups, esp nwjns. lsfm has been going thru their own struggles and rn this isnt the best for them, but theyre not extremely involved in the situation, not like nwjns and illit. illit, from what ive seen, has majority of the success and recognition from overseas. however, their success in korea'll take a huge hit. itll def take a toll on the girls mental, considering they j debuted and this happened.

nwjns is the worst off. theres a chance they might leave w mhj if ador does pull away from hybe, which isnt in the groups best interest. mhj's press conference and overall attitude is gonna affect their upcoming release fs, and their proximity to mhj herself is worrisome.

hybe doesnt seem to be doing shit to protect their artists, they're j protecting their name. theres no statement on or for illit, no statement on malicious comments for any of the groups (that i know of).

tldr: min heejin and hybe are both at fault. dont take sides of either, take the side of the idols.

sorry, im j so passionate ab this. the shit ive been seeing online has been making me mad. after getting back from the lsfm hate train too... as mad as i am at mhj, hybe GAVE her that platform. if the things they claim is true, and if the speculation is true, they alr knew from her past employment that she was shady. its their fault for allowing that.

[itsbebebe]

So I got bored and decided to binge rewatch some deltarune theory videos and now I'm writing this i guess. I dont hang out too much in the deltarune tumblr tags so idk how much of this is spewing well agreed ideas already but...

Its interesting to me how susie and noelle have this sort of order v chaos thing in terms of their narrative roles. (This is looking like a long post so ill be kind and add a cut here)

Susie is like the character that drills the "your choices dont matter" concept into you (the player - if im referring to kris in this post ill use their name). Not only is she the first to say it but the main times where you make a choice and it doesnt matter are because theyre stopped by susie. Iirc, the only power you have over susie in her segments in both chapters are in puzzle solving (something that actively aids her in her goal). During both the lancer battle and the ferris wheel scene you cannot change what happens. You just have to sit there and watch. Not only that, but susie also can straight up override your decisions in moments like when you try and decide who to go with at the crossroads in chapter 2. You also cannot stop Susie fighting at the start of chapter 1. Some of the few choices that you do make (how you design the thrash machine in chapter 1, speaking to onion san in chapter 1 in hometown) are specifically done when susie isnt around to stop you.

Susie, intentionally or not, forces some order upon the story. She helps force the beads down their designated path, or whatever that metaphor in the hospital is.

However, in chapter 2, susie, by her own choice, leaves for a while and its our new party member who allows us to make a big choice that will matter. Snowgrave. Ive seen people point out before that the snowgrave route really parallels noelles history with game bugs (shown mainly through the sweepstakes blog posts) as the route feels like a game break. In fact it is a game break, considering you are supposed to not have any meaningful choices and do the normal route. It sort of makes it seem like Noelle herself facillitated the route. Not only that, but Noelle (likely due to insecurities in her relationship with Kris) lets you make a lot of choices when you are with her. (I think it could even been argued noelles presence allows you to override susies tendency to stop you making choices in the cutscene at the start of chapter 2).

So Noelle allows you to make the choices, allows the chaos. Susie keeps you on a set road, enforces the order.

This is a fun frame on their relationship. If you told me there was 2 characters, one of which was a girl who was a known rulebreaker and bully and the others was a girl who was top of her class and the mayors daughter, and asked me to tell you which one was chaos and which one was order, i would get it wrong! (It also seems like a good framework to throw some tragedy upon their relationship but lets not think about that rn)

But now if you are anything like me you will be thinking "where do ralsei and kris (as our other 2 established main characters) fall onto this chaos v order paradigm we have established?"

Lets start with kris, as their position feels more quantifiable. Kris does what you tell them. By our established parameters that should make them more chaos leaning. However, Kris will actively stop you from affecting how each chapter ends. This suggests that they want some sort of order, or control over you but will allow you most of the time to make decisions, and allow chaos.

This suggests Kris is order leaning but chaos permitting.

Ralsei, meanwhile, i dont think sits on the paradigm as we have established it. He wants the prophecy to be fulfilled but he wants us to make changes that lead there. He gets upset when Kris is unable to make choices but firmly believes we must fulfill the prophecy. What ralsei does and doesnt know about Kris or us is vague and unknown, and therefore by extension how he feels about Kris and us is vague and unknown.

So is he more order - forcing us to do specific things and stopping us from having meaningful choices in the story? Not really... But then is he more chaos - allowing us to make big changes? In a sort of apathetic, not really bothered way maybe. All in all, i think Ralsei falls outside of the scale, as he has a very unique relationship with us and Kris.

Generally, choices and chaos and order are all very big themes in deltarune. So i think its interesting to link the two together like this.