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lavender-lotion · 3 years ago

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Fanfic Writer Asks

I was tagged by @asarcasticwitch - thank you so much!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

737, which is an ugly number :(

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,890,054 words, which ... AH I might actually get to 2mil by the end of the year!

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

thank you, ao3 dashboard for this handy list:

Teen Wolf (TV) (377)

X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies) (187)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (93)

Glee (29)

Young Justice (Cartoon) (11)

Kingsman (Movies) (9)

Original Work (9)

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (8)

Criminal Minds (US TV) (7)

Thor (Movies) (6)

Deadpool (Movieverse) (5)

Weird City (TV) (5)

X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) (4)

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga) (4)

Ragnarok (TV 2020) (4)

Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) (3)

Teen Wolf (TV) RPF (3)

Iron Man (Movies) (3)

The House in the Cerulean Sea - T. J. Klune (2)

Venom (Marvel Movies) (1)

Stranger Things (TV 2016) (1)

Captain America (Movies) (1)

Fate: The Winx Saga (TV) (1)

Power Rangers Ninja Storm (1)

X-Men - All Media Types (1)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan (1)

Riverdale (TV 2017) (1)

X-Men Evolution (1)

Push (2009) (1)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

With You, I Belong

Mates and Marriage Proposals

The Perceptions of You and I

(baby) maybe that matters more

Breathing You In

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ughh so, fair warning, I have a lot of works. I definitely do not remember all of them, however I do have four works tagged as Unhappy Ending and then another nine works tagged Ambiguous/Open Ending, which is way more than I’d thought I had!

however, there is one fic that stands out in mind when I think about which of my works has the angstiest ending! Heed the tags :)

And Now?

Stiles Stilinski finds out who his soul mates are by setting one on fire.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

ughhhhhhhh I truly do not know???

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t write many crossovers at all! I have some mcu/teen wolf cross overs, I have a teen wolf/glee cross over plotted (that i’ll probably never write), but my strangest is probably this teen wolf/x-men cross over!

what-ifs (don’t fuckin’ matter to no one)

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)Teen Wolf (TV) | Logan (X-Men)/Sheriff Stilinski | Logan (X-Men), Sheriff Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski | Memory Loss, Telepathy, Mentions of War, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Neglect, Grief/Mourning, Telepath Stiles Stilinski, Telekinetic Stiles Stilinski, Nightmares, Cuddling & Snuggling

There’s somethin’ there. Somethin’ that has him sleeping curled up on his side with a pillow tucked to his chest, somethin’ that has him splittin’ up his food ‘fore he eats ‘cause he don’t need as much as a baseline. Has him turnin’ to tell someone shit that ain’t there. There’s just...there’s just somethin’ there that’s missin’ and it shouldn’t be missin’.

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sometimes! I don’t write a lot of smut because I actively dislike writing it, but the smut I do write is super super soft and sappy and full of emotions lol

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to almost all of my comments! comments i won’t respond to: negative comments, unsolicited criticism, comments that aren’t relevant to the fic itself, comments simply asking for more

I love love love responding to comments! I love every single comment that I get and I want to show how much I appreciate getting them, and personally I think responding to comments is the only way to do that! everyone has different comment philosophies, but for me, if someone is taking the time to comment on my fic like I so badly want them to, I think it’s important to respond to show my appreciation!

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha YEAH I DO. this past weekend I actually got a number of shitty comments and had to file two ao3 abuse reports for harrasment (: I love it

I am no stranger to hate comments. I write copious amounts of age difference fic. I write copious amounts of incest. I am not going to apologize nor am I going to feel bad for enjoying either.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

ughhh I sure as heck hope not!

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I have a number of them :) I always always do my best to make sure it’s linked to the original fic, AND that I add a tag noting that there’s a translation!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have made a few attempts! the only successful attempt is there's nothing i wouldn't do to make you feel my love which is a collaboration with @flightinflame, not quite a co-write!

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I am unable to answer this lol I don’t have an all-time favourite. mutli-shipping forever.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

god okay this is such a good question! imma ramble about a few so bear with me here! (i may have 700 posted works but I also have a few hundreds wips & ideas floating around in my gdrive, too)

gone & past - this is a starrish wip i’d started in 2017. I ended up deleting it from ao3 to rewrite it and never got there, but I have about 20k of content! I built my home, inside of you - thorki human au with college jock thor and high school dancer loki. i’ve got a start and nothing else Sheriff Stilinski Gets Some Sweet Sweet Lovin’ - massive wip where... well, the sheriff fucks his way through the entire pack. I want to write it but. trans allison au - this is an au where allison is trans and that changes the entire season 1 canon. it features stallison, petopher, and a looooooong ass outline that will never exist beyond my wips You Fill My Heart (With Such a Gentle Love) - this is a stetopher a/b/o au with pregnant omega stiles and alpha pair petopher falling in love. it started as a labour of love to someone I no longer have in my life. I have about 30k, a full outline, but idk. makes me sad to think about it they slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered - this is my big x-men first class rewrite that I honestly don’t think i’ll ever finish. I have a few thousand words, a full outline, but no love lost for cherik so. doubtful Physiotherapy (I'll Be Your Baby) - this was a fic I was SO excited about, and then it kinda flopped and stayed a wip because I didn’t have a plan or the motivation to finish it. it’s a winterspider human au with amputee bucky and science twink peter that I adore the premise of but who knows breathing you in chapter 2 - I have a massive second chapter planned for this fic but the first did so good so fast I am way too intimidated to write more in case everyone hates it lmao

there are more arjgoirjeg there are so many more but these are the bigger ones I can think of right now!

16) What are your writing strengths?

ughhhhh I hate answering this because I have, like, seriously bad imposter syndrome around my writing BUT I do think i’m able to weave poignant backstory into narration & i write strong, distinctive narrative voices!

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

literally I can’t write settings at all. I don’t know how people vividly describe settings but I absolutely cannot do that and it’s one of the reasons I haven’t delved into original fiction. I need to write the town my characters live in?? fuck that imma just use a location we’ve seen on screen & let readers fill in the blanks lmao

I am also shit at long fic. I don’t have the mind for long and interesting plots, and I don’t have the focus to write long fic (which is why every long fic i’ve ever posted has taken me literal years to complete smh).

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I like it! both as a reader and as a writer. as a writer, I generally only use a few words, or small sentences that can be understood by context, and I generally don’t

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the last thing I wrote and posted was this one:

Languish

It was a really, really hot Saturday, and most of the school was outback, enjoying the sun, not caring about the heat, and having the time of their life.

Everyone but Bobby, of course, who was melting away.

“I just want to remind everyone that I make ice. I am the Ice Man. I am not built for the heat and soon enough I’m going to melt away into nothing.”

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this is another impossible question! I have a few I really enjoy, but I really don’t think I have a favourite that stands out above the rest!

i’m tagging: @4magicandmayhem @insertmeaningfulusername @midrashic @wynnefic @ikeracity @stronglyobsessed @elledelajoie @wolfnprey & anyone else who sees it and wants to do it! seriously! go ahead :)

blank questions below the read more!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

16) What are your writing strengths?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

#lavenderlotion #my writing #writing tag #writing meme

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whumpbby · 4 years ago

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whumpbby 😭 commiserate with meeee. Idk if you've seen this post that's kind of blowing up about how fandoms are racist in general because they always focus on white characters and ships over the POC ones and to be real, it's not that I disagree. I do agree, very much so, though I think the issue is way more nuanced. But I figure hey it's still a relevant post and I go to reblog and then I realise it's written by a goddamn anti 😭😭😭 now I have hIVES gdi the op is in the notes screeching at people for being kylo ren fans and telling them to die and I'm just So Over This, we can't have anything nice

The worst part is that this post got onto my dash from the blog writingwithcolour who gives really good and multi-cultural advice on writing POC and while I see why they'd reblog it, my automatic EWW UGH reaction to finding an anti's post unfiltered on my dash is now putting serious sus on that blog :((( I'm just here to whine at you dats all but yeah antis are ruining so many good things about Fandom I can't even feel good about a relevant post anymore

*commiserating*

I feel ya, the fandom that is supposed to be the place of fun and unwinding being overridden with self-congratulory bullshit is a pet peeve of mine too.

It is hard to find a balance between ‘ yeah, these issues exist’ and a ‘no, I am not here for that’ and not end up on this or that pitchfork, because we seem to be living in the time and social sphere where daring not to be concerned about the current issue of the week for even one second of the day marks one as a degenerate/racist/sexist/take your pick. It’s the wart marking the witch. And you are expected to prove your creed constantly, to preform to someone’s satisfaction until they deem to absolve you.

If she floats, she’s a witch. If she drowns, she’s not, but well, the point is moot.

It’s tiring, god, it’s exhausting - when already so many things are exhausting in the real life we have outside of these fandom spaces. And it gets doubly exhausting once you realise that - it doesn’t matter. None of it matters. No graph showing how many poc characters are NOT being shipped, no list of authors who ship ‘problematic’ ships, not one anon message trying to shame someone into not doing something - NONE OF IT MATTERS.

NONE. Not one grain of good has come out of it.

People see a problem and get invested and sometimes the problem is real and needs solution - and very often we are so small and have no resources and we can’t help in any realistic way. So, brain comes up with ways of helping us feel less shitty about out own helplessness and we invest ourselves so deeply into them, because what else can we do? That post, that blog, that call to arms, that callout, that anon message - we are doping something! We are helping!

We are doing something, right? Right???

It’s so hard to admit that not one child was saved by the witch hunt on Ao3, not one minor was saved form grooming by attacking fanfic writers on whatever platform, not one person was saved form abuse by attacking trans people, not one person was helped by the war on the “Q-word”, not one goddamn soul was helped by the anti-bullshit. All it results in is misery and pain and harassment, but hey, at least someone is reacting! - and, hey, these are ‘effects’, right? And we’re after ‘effects’ because at least we are doing something if it has effects, right??

These movements, these tactics, these people - they are nothing else than kids stomping their feet in their respective kiddy pools and thinking the waves they create change the currents of the real ocean. They imagine they are stopping a tsunami hitting some foreign land when all they do is splash on the people who just want to wet their feet in the same pool.

Listen. A story.

In my town there's this guy who will randomly appear in the market square and shout about God and Salvation and how everyone sucks. This recent Christmas he positioned himself right opposite of the charity orchestra and was a nuisance to anyone who wanted to stop for a moment and listen to them playing Christmas carols - to have in this depressing and cold, and busy end of a crap year we have all survived, a moment of respite, of Christmas cheer, a crumb of relief. Usually the orchestra is surrounded by people and kids throwing coins into their box, by folk recording on their phones, etc. No, this this year no one could enjoy a moment of peace, because a nutcase behind tried to overshout the orchestra, so people kept walking, intimidated and annoyed.

Out of frustration and, I admit, curiosity, I walked up to him and asked why won’t he move over to let the orchestra play - what I got was more shouting. Because listening to Christmas carols was hypocritical without the sprinkling of despair over the state of humanity and Our Sins.

He wouldn’t engage, he wouldn't speak to me like a person - I was standing two feet form the guy and he was yelling at the top of his lungs so everyone heard him. I was raised Catholic in one of the most Catholic damn countries in Europe, I know what God is about. But, you see, it didn’t matter to the guy, what mattered was that he needed to be heard yelling. This was his attempt at converting people - by yelling in their faces. He was doing something and feeling better for it!

This guy was the anti-movement in a real, compact, one-dude pill. Any anti-movement you can think of that picks a flag and then starts to screech in its shadow, because it makes them feel better about themselves.

As for Kylo...

The hilarious hate towards Kylo fucking Ren of all people? Towards people who ship him? All that misplaced anger at the crappy treatment of the poc actors by Disney and predominantly male ‘fans’ of Star Wars?? Let that sink in - white dudes with money made decisions, white dudes on the internet ganged up on an actress - but nah, dude, the women who write fanfic are the culprit! We can’t gang up on Disney and we are too afraid of the dudes on Reddit and 4chan, but these girls writing Reylo porn are there and accessible and not scary and not male! We can take them on!

How is it not hilarious? How?? This level of misdirection and confusion, being so intimidated by the insurmountable task of being angry at a corporation that makes their merch (that they are still buying, because hey, a fan is a fan, who doesn’t want a baby Yoda t-shirt?) that all they can do is to spin around and bite the ankles of the person standing behind them? How is this not hilariously morally bankrupt and so pitifully, tragically human?

Let the block button become your shield, another good blog will come, don't regret blocking ones you are not sure about. You’re here to relax, you don’t deserve this kind of stress. They will keep screeching, but you keep walking, friend, the orchestra is still there playing your tune, enjoy it.

#dicks horse #fantasticalmemories

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autisticpride · 4 years ago

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April 10th: How important is representation to you? Is the representation that is out there generally good or bad? What is your favorite piece of representation? What you like to see more of in autism representation? What would you like to see less of?

representation is really important to us and we’ll end up going on a couple long rants about some of our favorites (under the cut) because we can, it’ll be real messy because theres at least 3 of us talking and im just about positive that people were blurry when writing shit out so sorry about that but that’s just how it is

for us, representation enables us to see people like us in stories. the other thing for us, not specific to autistic representation, is just that we tend to enjoy more diverse stories more? maybe we’ve just had good luck but we’ve found that stories with characters who are members of marginalized groups (whether the story itself is diverse or not) tend to be better written. maybe it’s because we generally prioritize ownvoices works, idk.

so first i wanted to take a look at some numbers regarding autistic characters we’re familiar with (yes we know there are more, we just have a focus on books in our brain) and we started with books & comics and got some interesting numbers that we weren’t expecting! we haven’t read all these books yet so there are some gaps in the information.

of the 10 characters (from 8 books and 1 webcomic):

5 are female, 4 are male, and 1 is nonbinary. 2 are black, 2 are white, 1 is mixed (surinamese/dutch), 1 is mixed (vietnamese/irish), 1 is mixed (fictional races). 9 (possibly all 10) are main characters 6 are over 21, 2 are under 12 (9 and 11), 1 is 16, 1 is 18 3 are straight, 3 are gay/lesbian, 1 is bi.

I think that’s very cool actually! we would like to see more trans autistic characters (the only trans character out of the 10 seems to be the 1 nonbinary character) for sure, and more explicitly canon autistic characters in general. i’d like to see less “autism representation” that isn’t actually canon (even though we do love some of the characters, if you have to go find an interview with a producer where they say probably in order to find out the character’s autistic, it’s not canon).

now time for our specialized little rambles!

so i’m going to start with another quick explanation of fictives again because it’s extremely relevant right now.

again, a system is multiple people in one body. individuals within a system are system members (there are many different terms, that’s what we prefer). fictives are system members who are/are based on/are versions of characters

i’m a fictive of danny becket from the webcomic sharp zero and honestly we all love sharp zero! it’s extra fun now because it’s one of the special interests we all share and it’s my source and i’m double autistic (system as a whole is autistic, and I was autistic to begin with) so i now have this intense special interest surrounding... myself??? anyway, sharp zero is great because

sharp zero doesn’t go “the autism one is pure and innocent <3″ sharp zero goes “the autism one drags a corpse through a magic portal to perform a ritual to resurrect him” and that’s pretty cool

also explicitly showing the use of stim toys!! tangle spotted

~Danny

I’m a fictive of Julian from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and I’m one of the favorite cases of representation for most of the system, which is very interesting for me. In the show, it’s a case of unnamed disorder, which my parents tried to ‘fix’ via genetic engineering. I specifically matter to the system because of one particular parallel.

When I was a child, my parents noticed me ‘falling behind’ and decided to ‘fix’ me, and then proceeded to hide that information from me. When I was 15, I found out what they’d done, and began going by a different name.

When the body was a child, we were going to a neurologist for other reasons, and the parents were told that we’re most likely autistic but to not get a diagnosis ‘unless it gets in the way’. They proceeded to hide that information from us. When we were 15, we found out about that. Around the same time, the old host came out as trans and began using a different name.

That parallel is very important to most of our system members, especially the old host.

Despite it never being stated that I’m autistic, and it being implied that my parents may have succeeded in their attempt to ‘fix’ me, it’s clear from my behaviour that they didn’t. Even if they had, it was clearly shown that what they did was illegal and wrong, and that it did direct harm to me. But every autistic person we’ve met who has watched DS9 has taken one look at me and said something along the lines of that man’s a whole autism.

I’m shown having clear interpersonal issues, including trouble with social cues and clear implications that I never had friends before arriving on DS9. My own parents thought a half-finished hologram with no personality who didn’t recognize them was me.

I think that kind of representation is important. The kind where things did go wrong, where there has been suffering and loneliness, and it takes time, but a support system does get found.

-Julian

k now y’all need someone who isn’t just sorta talkin about themself i think, who fuckin knew i’d be the one who was giving the general system-wide opinion

so, rep is really important to all of us, seeing people who’re like us. makes us all feel like someone might actually understand it and understand us

our favorite autistic rep is probably julian, which is real fun with him being here and all that. and i mean it’s actually fun and we all get each other. the way our system works, the way we have a mostly-shared memory, means that we all really get it, and all of us relate to julian a lot in one way or another

anyway, a while back we started lookin’ for books with autistic rep by autistic authors and the first one we found was on the edge of gone by corinne duyvis, and we’ll always have a soft spot for it cuz it’s really good and it was the first one we got

-trip

#actuallyautistic #30daysofautismacceptance #2021 #um. idk the brain's tired right now #not sleepy just tired #plus im autistic now bc the whole system is #but i wasnt before #which is why i can be sorta objective about it #theres also someone else we could talk about #but we cant bc of promises one of us made #sorry but we're not bein' dicks just to talk about rep

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

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lihn asks: 1, 10, 15, 26, 30, 31, 37, 41, 46, 49

thanks for the asks and thanks for creating the ask list in the first place

1) Favorite song(s)? i especially like three failed escape attempts of sheila nail. it does A Lot re: like, introducing a character, but probably the biggest reason it is a fave is b/c It Is A Banger

10) Favorite line(s)? this is a tough one, i've been Thinking on it and there's no immediate standout answer coming to mind for sure......how about "she asked us to, so we did." great stuff

15) A minor character(s) you love? hmm i mean i guess clearly susannah and sheila are the main and next most main characters but from there it's like, is Everyone equally a minor character........well kitty is my favorite of course so i guess that's an easy answer, i also just like immediately enjoyed rat and i wish she had more content even though definitely other girls didn't have a world of Content either

26) Solitary or Masochist? well i think probably solitary Musically, seeing as i def actually remember it more for that reason, but maybe i gotta say masochist b/c a) you know, kitty is the fave, and b) even if i don't remember a ton of details i still enjoyed it and i enjoyed the scene overall a Lot and what role it has in the story / susannah's arc.

30) Scene(s)/concept(s) you would like expanded upon? hmm i do like dorothy and kitty's Thing being like. never really brought to the forefront / made Crucially relevant or anything but it also was not too Apparent at all lmfao although yknow, maybe it was more clear in person. i think i'd like it to have like. at least more Textual implications of the existence of the pairing. s/o to kitty again

31) What you would like changed if another production of the show happens? uhhh i think in its immediate aftermath i was sort of thinking how it's a bit weird that like. sure you can easily take some textual material in lihn and interpret girls as Not Nt informed by that, but clearly the focus is how their response to external societal factors is Pathologized (especially based on their identities, e.g. susannah as a black girl and kitty as a trans girl), and while of course miss asp having this extended breakdown basically over the course of the show lol *is* about her own Attempts To Cope With Society have failed her and are failing her, and she's having Bigger messy reactions as the show goes on as the girls sort of get themselves even more together, it felt like she was being given behaviors that are more like. "cues" that are associated with Mental Disorders like, her thinking the girls could be aliens is sure involved with the Metaphor in that, but from the perspective of her character being fairly earnest in that belief, that's like, More of an interfering Symptom than we've seen from any of the girls........idk like, feels like either her character could become at least Slightly more subtly handled or like, in the same way that the girls are here for different things and yet The Same Thing, it could be made more explicit that one or more of the girls is nd and that Just Might manifest in ways that are seen as going beyond "standard" "weirdness" like yknow. miss asp out here like "yeah she has delusions now" while with the girls it's like. yeah they have "undesirable / inappropriate Behaviors" but, not of that kind

37) Favorite fanmade media related to LIHN?

this fic by soph, this drawing of kitty by al, this drawing of kitty by an artist i know does other nicher iconis-content art, this drawing of kitty talking to susannah by an artist who i know i’ve Appreciated other lihn art from, and your galaxy brain video juxtaposing “i was a teenage delinquent!” with vimh

41) An anecdote about your experience with LIHN? lmao well i don't Personally have any great anecdote i don't think. i watched it along with soph which means i had to keep messaging them like "hang on pause, i'm Buffering again" every 6-13 min or so, and a fun coincidence was that 99% of the time the video paused at a timestamp wherein the Seconds ended in _9. someone else's anecdote: al's story of having gone to an actual lihn performance, having had been made to miss the intended train to the theater and needing to wait for the next one, and ending up sitting right in front of jason sweettooth williams on the ride / getting to make conversation lol. rights

46) Stupidest quote from the NYT review? lmfao fuck you i haven't reread this shit since it came out and it is SO hard to pick a stupidest quote. rereading it now i'm freshly Amazed at how stupid a quote i'd forgotten is. but ofc i Have to go with "...[Susannah]'s very much an everygirl. She is the black child of white adoptive parents, which she knows (ask answer editor's note: "????????? what aspect of this would she Not know"), and a lesbian, which she quickly discovers, but..." like lmaoooo never gets old. alexis soloski, everyone!!!

49) Bruce the Ocelot or Harriet II? well, again, Kitty, and i do like ocelots, they're cool, so: bruce. and it’s a really fun scene where the whole concept is introduced lmao

#lihn #cockbiteproductions

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gayrezi · 4 years ago

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(if ur uncomfortable w answering feel free to ignore srry!) how did u realize u were non binary,, bc I think I am but idk if i have dysphoria :shrug:

putting this under a read more bc i like talking about gender, so this got a little long. tl;dr: you don't need dysphoria to be trans/nonbinary, though it can certainly be an indicator. for me, i was initially very unsure of myself and didn't recognize my dysphoria until after i allowed myself to start exploring and experimenting with my gender, and what helped me most was giving myself the freedom to be questioning and try new labels or interact with new communities online.

content warning for mentions of dysphoria under the cut.

i first started questioning my gender in july of 2019. i don't remember the context, but i was searching up labels like "demigirl" and "nonbinary lesbian" on tumblr because i'd seen a couple posts mentioning i and i was curious. and the more i looked, the more i related to the ideas i saw people talking about -- it wasn't a perfect match, but certainly fit better than calling myself a cis girl.

back then, i viewed being a cis girl as the "default option" for myself because i was born afab -- like "yeah, i guess i'm a girl, but only because i've never been called otherwise in my life and i also know i’m not a trans boy. i just happen to have a lot of shared experiences with girls my age because i am viewed as one of them". at the time i didn’t think i had dysphoria, but i didn't enthusiastically identify with womanhood on any level except for knowing that i held a lot of feminist beliefs and that i liked women in a gay way (but with the existence of nonbinary lesbians now introduced to me, even that was shaken up because i identified more with being a lesbian than i ever did with being a woman in that context). my history with feminism, lesbianism, and collectively being grouped with girls my age made it really difficult for me to untangle my gender.

at this point, i spent a really long time on the fence about my identity - i looked at a lot of quora threads in desperation, which honestly i don't recommend (it really only lead me to the conclusion that "i’m gonna have to decide for myself what my gender is, huh"). what DID help me was allowing myself to try new labels, presentations, pronouns, or just ways of viewing myself. i didn't need to commit, just to allow myself the freedom to view myself as "not necessarily cisgender." i started using they/them pronouns online, dressed in ways that made me feel more androgynous and comfortable, and interacted with more trans people here on tumblr. joining a trans discord server really helped me a ton, since i got to see people talking about gender and living authentically in a way i never saw from my cis peers in real life, and i could take part in a community that would support my own exploration of my gender.

once i gave myself these opportunities to get to know myself, *then* i started finding out all the details of my personal experience of gender. once i was open to the possibility of being enby, sometime around september 2019, only then did i start to recognize my previous feelings of discomfort about my body and interactions with others as dysphoria. i realized the label of demigirl didn't really fit, and actually it felt wrong to be misgendered as a girl at all, and shifted to call myself just "nonbinary" ("agender" is TECHNICALLY also accurate, since i don't really have a connection to gender at all, it just doesn’t feel like something relevant to me, but i like the openness and fluidity and blatant rejection of the gender binary that comes with "nonbinary." this is 100% my personal feelings though, may not apply to you or anyone else). this is still pretty much where i stand now, and i've really been able to embrace this identity after coming out to my immediate family at the end of march 2020 and being in a weird semi-out state at university currently.

the most important advice i'd give to anyone questioning their gender is this: you don't need to know what you are Right Now, and instead should focus on pursuing things that make you feel good and comfortable with yourself - the label will be easier to identify with time if you allow yourself latitude for exploration! there’s no wrong way to be nonbinary, and what matters most is that you find a means of self expression that makes you happy.

i don’t want to get into my most personal thoughts on my gender publicly on this blog, but if you want to dm me about this (whether you're the anon who sent this or not) feel free to, i would be happy to talk more there! you can message me on this blog and we can chat on tumblr or discord. good luck with everything and have a wonderful day :)

#i wrote this between classes so apologies if i get a little sidetracked in it. anyway i dont pretend to be an expert but im happy to help #asks #anon #not hs #jaz.txt #ALSO if you sent in other anons i have read them and appreciate them but alas i am a busy college student. i'll try to answer later

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butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker · 4 years ago

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But the real tragedy of JK “during BLM Month, I will leverage my fear of rape to remove rights from a vulnerable minority” Rowling is...

...twitter is the wrong place to work through your trauma. I don’t doubt that experiencing sexual violence or intimate partner violence messes you up, in ways that take a long time to heal.

When she writes that, she liked a transphobic post she was reading, and was deluged with hate in response - let’s take her at her word that yeah, this is a horrible thing to experience. The type of thing that sets-alight deep rooted sense of threat. And when she writes that, at the same time, she was lovebombed by support from the transphobic feminist community - I can believe that too, that this would have felt great.

One thing I learnt today is this:

In other words, despite speaking On Behalf Of Women, transphobic feminism only really represents ~13% of cis women. 72% are fairly comfortable with it.

(interestingly, cis men, are actually more uncomfortable/uncertain, but only by a little bit)

So who are those 4%, of which Rowling is a member? Despite the popular trope of referring to these women as privileged, it doesn’t take too much compassion to assume that these are women who are dealing with their trauma very, very badly. That doesn’t make it OK, but it does perhaps give us more data and insight. Similarly with radical feminism as a framework, the feminist strand most likely to explore/promote the experience of women as threatened and besieged by an occupying army of men, who are always and innately a violence risk; the feminist strand which promoted women’s land - only spaces without men can be safe - and political lesbianism - only relationships without men can be safe. Suffice to say, this is a movement within feminism profoundly shaped and motivated by fear.

And it’s hard to reason with that.

Now, this doesn’t fully excuse it as a behavior. Regardless of the intent or understandable, the damage is still very real. But check out the elision in Rowling’s argument: “speaking as a person who has experienced violence from a man outside of a single-sex space, this experience grants me legitimacy in fearing violence from a transgender woman inside of a single sex space.” Now, if one was to make an unclassy attempt to close-read a trauma survivor disclosing abuse, one could argue that...the behavior of men-who-live-as-men is not relevant to the behavior of men-who-live-as-transgender-women. And the experience of abuse in one’s life generally is not relevant to the danger of abuse in a single sex space. If this was a campaign of people who had been hurt by actual trans-identified people inside single sex spaces, then this would need to be a different conversation. But it isn’t.

And that’s how trauma works, and it’s horrible.

And this is relevant, and somewhat tasteless, for Rowling & the media to invoke at a time of focus on black history & protest because a very same line of argument was used historically to deny rights to, and in many cases hurt or murder, black men: “as a white woman, black men existing makes me feel ~a vague sense of threat~, and therefore it should be illegal for them to walk on pavements or look at me”.

When I watched to Kill a Mockingbird with my ex, he said he’d never before considered how problematic it was for such a foundational story to be one about a false rape accusation, and he wondered about the impact of that on beliefs about women because it is so often studied by teens. That’s a great point, and it’s sort of the same challenge here. You don’t want to dismiss or invalidate people who are, very sincerely, feeling afraid, especially if they’ve had these past experiences which have shaped their threat-response. But at the same time...

No one, really, works through trauma with perfect grace or dignity; but it’s still important to avoid taking it out on people when you can. And doubly so when you’re having a threat response to, not an individual, but a whole class of people. How do you navigate that? IDK, but I’m going to hazard a guess and say your twitter notifications is perhaps the worst possible place to find the support you need. Hash it out with a therapist or trusted friend. Journal it. Go to an in-person community group. You know? It’s like watching radicalisation take place in real time, and it is a tragedy because...survivors deserve better than having their experiences weaponised by a nasty political campaign, and now the boundless compassion of the British media, their readers and their comment sections too.

#the abuse tag #abuse cw #The transphobic feminism tag

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toycarousel · 5 years ago

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some advice? Please dont laugh when I say this. I'm transgender, ftm, but I dont like being called transgender, I just want to be called male. But at the same time,I'm african american, and dont want to be an african american male. The very thought scares me to no end and makes me want to not bother with transitioning. My therapist says that my dysmorphia and dysphoria are too conflicting to do anything with, but I dont want to stay as I am. So I'm at an stalemate. Idk what to do next. Advice?

(Disclaimer: I’m not a therapist or any sort of medical professional, so I can only offer my opinions + advice, but if anything feels off to you at all, then totally feel free to ignore it!)

Of course I’m not gonna laugh, Anon, and I don’t get why anyone would -- you’re in a very, very difficult, painful position, and a LOT of therapists aren’t great at figuring out the tentative balance of understanding who a patient is, what a patient needs, what a patient wants, and which steps they need to take with said patient in order to not harm that person... it can definitely take time. If they’re a good fit for you, they’ll become better at understanding that balance (and also doing their proper research) as they get to know you more, and will offer more helpful options if they’re open-minded about trying a variety of angles instead of just sticking to their little therapy scripts, esp when those scripts don’t always apply neatly to every individual.

I’m not trans (and I’m white), so I could be totally off on a bunch of what I’m about to say (plus everyone’s experiences are different regardless), but I have met a few different people who don’t want to refer to themselves -- or be referred to as -- transgender. Though their birth assignment doesn’t align with who they are, which fits the definition of “trans”, the term itself just... doesn’t work for them, specifically, and I think I can understand that. I was born intersex (a person with mixed physical sex characteristics -- many that I didn’t even find out about until much later in life), but I wouldn’t consider that to be a huge part of me, or a defining way to describe my own relationship with gender. For example, I wouldn’t want to be referred to as “that intersex person”, by other people, unless it was genuinely medically relevant in that moment.

So what I’m personally interpreting from what you’ve written here is that you don’t want the bodily aspect of things to be this constant focus of what your experience in life is, regarding gender. Since cisgender (and also many intersex men, tbh) get to be referred to as just men, then you should be able to have that same thing, if it feels right for you, imo. You being what other people would define as “trans” doesn’t make you less of a man regardless, so, ultimately, it’s fair to just want to be referred to as a man, same as all other men.

Wrt to you not wanting to be an African American male due to the terror you feel associated with that specific combo of identities -- well, that sounds incredibly tough for you to be going through, and to try to reconcile! And it’s something I can’t personally imagine (I wish I could help more, so I’ll just offer what I can, but again, if anything sounds off to you, feel free to disregard what I’m saying!)

I can think of a lot of reasons off the top of my head as to why a person would be terrified to be a black man, but the ones that come to mind for me are things like: having to face an increased risk of police brutality, racism, other stereotypes, other ppl’s expectations as to who you should be -- all those types of wide-reaching social reasons. But I also don’t know if those reasons are your specific reasons for being terrified of being an African American male, you know? Like on a personal level. I can take a guess at more specific, internal reasons you might have, but that would be me kinda doing armchair therapy, so I won’t deep-dive there -- however, it’s always a good idea, and appropriate, for you to do some of that intense self-examination, you know? And I’m sure you and your therapist have done a lot of that already, but if you haven’t yet written down your exact reasons for this particular terror, maybe try that out! It’s one of the skills we learn in DBT (and other forms of therapy that I’ve been through).

I’d write out separate pages for each specific thought. For example, one page listing the reasons/thoughts/emotions as to why you don’t feel comfortable with being labelled as trans (the ways in which it doesn’t apply to you, how you feel when someone does apply it, etc). And another sheet listing the reasons/thoughts/emotions as to why being an African American man would terrify you, VS just being African American in general. Again, your reasons for not wanting to be referred to a certain way are totally valid, Anon! These sorts of sheets/journaling exercises are just to help you feel like you have a more solid grasp on where your own emotions are coming from, and to give you something physical to hold onto when you want to explain it in more detail to yourself and your therapist!

A really, really, really helpful sort of worksheet/mindfulness activity to help us figure out what we’re feeling is this one I also learned in DBT (a form of therapy that is just ridiculously helpful for everyone, imo), and may help with writing out the things I mentioned above. These are called behaviour chain analysis worksheets, and are usually used to prevent a behaviour that you want to stop engaging in, but what they also ultimately do is help ppl unravel thoughts, emotions -- your primary emotion is especially important to know, because that’s something you can then target with your therapist. Here’s some info on how to do one: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-do-a-chain-analysis-for-problem-behaviors-2797587

And a basic worksheet version (it can rly help to have on-hand, so it can be written down and you can check it out whenever you need to). https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/behavior_chain_analysis.html

Like, for example, say you do one of these sheets to figure out the primary emotion behind bodily dysmorphia. Say the behaviour was that you snapped at a friend for making a comment about your body, and you want to know why exactly you snapped at them (what about their comment hurt enough to elicit the reaction), and prevent it in the future. The behaviour chain analysis is a space where you can write down what the behaviour was. In this example it’d be; “Behaviour: Snapped At Friend”, and then you write down the initial feelings you had associated with it, and the thoughts that went with those feelings.

Eventually, for example, say that you thought the reason you snapped at them was anger (which is by definition, a secondary emotion -- secondary emotions aren’t less important than primary emotions, but they’re the emotions that happen after primary emotions, sometimes mere seconds after), but when you look at the thoughts you wrote down that you experienced in the moment you snapped at the friend, and dig a little deeper, say it turned out that the primary emotion (the one that happened before the thoughts, and before the secondary emotions) wasn’t anger, but actually shame.

(I’m not saying yours will be shame btw, I just like using shame as an example, because a lot of my own thoughts and feelings and behaviours and inner conflicts are rooted in shame).

So then that gives you something solid to show yourself, but also to bring to your therapist. Instead of the therapist focusing on only the thoughts and feelings that they’re visibly seeing in you in a session, they now know that you’re struggling with underlying shame, or sorrow, or grief, or disgust, or fear, or whatever the primary emotions end up being for you. Then the therapist can more easily help you through tackling the dysmorphia, and any unwanted behaviours and thoughts + emotions associated with it. And being able to tackle one of the things you’re struggling with in the ask you sent me above means that the dysphoria may start to make more sense for you in the same context as the dysmorphia -- and, hopefully, there will eventually be less of a conflict between the two, or at least they’ll be more understandable, even if they’re entirely separate from each other.

Since you’re not yet sure you want to transition due to these very genuine inner conflicts, then, like, I get why your therapist isn’t going ahead with it, but I also don’t want you to have to stagnate with therapy, or be denied the sense of progress, or with generally getting to know yourself either -- I want you to have the opportunity to live a life that feels right for you, but without the various intense fears associated with that! And I know that it’s fully possible, and will likely just take time, and support, and a willingness to unravel some things that... are probably gonna hurt a lot to unravel. So you should definitely make sure you’re ready to unpack those things and are doing it with a professional you trust; and that you have outside support networks as well (friends, family, whoever is close to you that you can talk to).

Remember that there’s absolutely no time limit on when you can and can’t transition, if you choose to in the future! Plus, there are ways of transitioning that aren’t All The Way, you know? Reversible things you can do (which may have been what you were asking for from the start, ahahaha! My apologies for my wordiness in this response :’)

There are obvs options like binding, packing, etc., that you probably already know about (and know more about than me, tbh). But you can also try other things out too -- there are certain types of makeup techniques/contouring for a more masculine look, more natural forms of altering hormones (if you feel safe doing so, and your doctor suggests any safe options -- definitely research this one thoroughly ahead of time).

A legal change of name can also switch up how you feel a whole lot, if you’re ready/able to do so, (and if not, even just asking ppl to refer to you by a name that you choose, or a variety of different names, depending on whether you’re not sure which one fits yet; it’s always okay to change your mind wrt these things).

Changing your wardrobe drastically can also rly alter how other ppl view and treat you, and I know there are resources online, and many on this site (mainly written by ppl who use the term trans for themselves, but that will hopefully be helpful to you as well), that have clothing swap links, and other suggestions as to more transition-related things you can do to move forward, while also not making any decisions that feel too permanent! Here are some of the links/resources along that vein that I could find:

https://transclothesexchange.tumblr.com/ (clothing exchanges)

https://transguys.com/style/trans-clothing-exchanges (clothing exchanges)

https://thebodyisnotanapology.tumblr.com/post/97564996149/transgender-resources (resources in general, including general body positivity, which could be incredibly helpful during especially dysmorphic and/or dysphoric times!)

https://advicefromabro.tumblr.com/gi (I think this is an older post, but it mentions an app that will allow you to find a gender-neutral or safe bathroom, if that’s currently a concern for you!)

https://transstudiesarchive.tumblr.com/post/168139537672/transgender-resources-masterpost (looks like this one has some resources for African American people as well, among a variety of races)

https://nonbinary-support.tumblr.com/resources (this one has some links regarding name changes and tips for choosing a name, if that’s something that you’re interested in!)

https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/post/147789231360/makeup-tips-for-ftm-people (some makeup and skincare tips for men!)

(I hope some of these are helpful for you, Anon! I’m sorry that they use language that doesn’t apply to you, it’s just what came up when I researched these tips -- but I think these are resources that could be helpful for anyone in a similar boat, not strictly trans ppl!)

In any case, whatever you do and don’t do, you can always choose who you are and how you represent yourself. There are some physical aspects to a body that cannot be changed, or can only be changed with medical intervention, and some aspects of appearance that will always be there (skin colour, etc), but these things don’t define who you are. I dunno how helpful this will be, but I wanted to also leave you with this; you may have certain body parts, but they aren’t your gender, or the sum of you. People might assign labels like “trans” to you, but that doesn’t make them right, or you wrong. You’re African American, but that’s not the sum of you either. Your race, your gender, these are important aspects of our lives in the sense that they inform our experiences in a lot of ways, but they aren’t Who You Are. “African American male” may be something a doctor writes on a sheet for you someday, or maybe not, but regardless, it says nothing about you as a person:

It doesn’t tell anyone what you love, what you dislike, what makes you happy, your hobbies and interests, what you’re good at, what you want to become good at, your dreams, your goals, your personal achievements, those little things in life that make you smile sometimes, your complexities, your favourite colour, a place you’d love to go, a place you already like to go when you want to be alone, or somewhere or something you want to share with a loved one someday, a movie scene that made you cry, whether or not you’re an animal person/want pets (or already have them), your lifelong habits, embarrassing things you did when you were younger, how deeply and wonderfully you affect the people in your life, stories you may have created, your sense of beauty and style, a song or a poem that speaks to you, your sense of humour... all these things are yours. No matter where you are in life right now, and no matter where you want to be in the future! No one has the right to define you but you -- and no one can take that from you.

Happy New Year, Anon! And best of wishes~!!! : D

#advice asks #race #gender #dysmorphia #dysphoria #therapy talk tw #dbt resources #gender resources #ask to tag #Anonymous

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calm-me-down-oh · 4 years ago

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How about all the questions ;)

skdsjf ofc u would get me back for that, under a readmore bc theres a lot!

When was the last time you masturbated? Yesterday! Had a.. very hot convo w my gf

Do you enjoy being fingered/fingering? Uhh the only time Ive had it done to me the person had to stop bc they got uncomfy with it and it was overall just a bit odd,, wait it happened a second time and their nails were too sharp also sdkfhsdh I feel like I could get to like it though? If its like, actually properly done rather than my current experiences sdhfk

How do you feel about food during sex? nno thanks mostly? I guess it can kinda depend on the food though idk, like if my gf suggested somethin I might not mind trying it out depending on what it was yknow

What do you do directly after sex? um.. well afaik just kinda lay/sit in a daze for a moment, mayb have some water, get real clingy, kind of have to be nudged into doing stuff bc i guess my brain just stops working skjdfkj

Cuddle with the tip in? Hell yeah. cuddle with it all in. sounds good.

What’s the nastiest sexual thing you’ve done? I don’t think I’ve really done anything nasty sdjkfsj all the sex ive had has been quite brief and vanilla idk

Name a follower you would fuck. @you-better-make-me!

Name a follower you have fucked. None..

What’s the sexiest part of your body? Idk man I guess my thighs are ok people seem to like them anyway

FuckMarryKill: DJ Khalid, Rick Ross, Fat Joe Am i supposed to know who these people are

Would you ever be with a trans person? i think the real question is would i ever be with a cis person (yes i would be with a trans person i am with 2 trans people and i am trans and i havent dated anyone cis since i was like 15)

Riding dick or doggy style? yes

Ever fucked in a school? Nope

Most random place you’ve had sex? havent really had sex in a random place lmao just beds

Would you ever be part of the mile high club? maybe..? thats having sex on a plane right. idk. maybe

Name three of your spots. what does this mean fkjd

Fuck on the first date? Depends

Do you suck dick? I’m sure gonna try!

Do you eat ass? Idk maybe not skdfjhsjk

Do you eat pussy? Haven’t yet, nearly did, got too nervous sdkjfh

Do you like kissing? So much!!

Is farting during sex sexy? I.. I mean its not sexy but like im also not gonna have a negative reaction. unless its me. that is something im admittedly very nervous about fkjd

Ever fucked in the shower? Nope

How old were you when you lost your virginity? Uh............ good question. 19 or 20 i forget if it was before my birthday but within the last year. unless you only count penetrative sex, then I haven’t yet

Do you prefer sex in the morning, afternoon, or night? Y..yes? I suppose afternoon/night is usually a better time, morning is jsut sleepy and trying to remember how to exist hours

Do you like drunk sex? Haven’t had it but I do get horny when I drink, wouldn’t be against trying it with someone I trust

Do you like high sex? Again never had it! And I haven’t really been high either so Idk

FuckMarryKill: Nicki Minaj; Cardi B; Kash Doll N..none for any

When was your first kiss? I was like 13 I think

How did you meet the person you lost your virginity to? College

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Nope. Wait maybe. Kind of. Idk when I was younger I was with this guy who would try get me to touch myself n I hadn’t figured out how to make it feel good so I’d just lie and say I was when i wasnt bc i didnt wanna do it so maybe at some point i said i came when i hadnt sdfhks

Ever painted/been painted on? Yeah but not in like a horny way, my ex would paint on my hand as kinda their way of flirting with me

You like sex toys? Sure

What’s your favorite sex position? Personally think missionary is underrated bc that closeness and being able to cling just sounds v good but also getting fucked from behind face down ass up also sounds,, v good lately

Sex on a bed, couch, or floor? beddd, maybe couch, floor just seems uncomfortable

Do you like car sex? Never had it, just seems a bit awkward but I guess I’d be open to trying it

You get instantly horny; what happened? My neck got bit!

FuckMarryKill: Trey Songz, Chris Brown, August Alsina. Kill chris brown. idk who the others are

Describe your crush. Don’t have one!

Woukd you ever be with someone with an incurable STD? Uh... Idk? I mean, theres preventative measures for basically all std’s right? So as long as those are taken so i dont also get it I guess it’d be ok

Rate your head game. No clue dkfhdsj

Rate your sex. Awkward!

Would you fuck someone outside of your race? ?? yes. what kind of question is this

Describe the type of freak you are. idk what this means but what first came to mind was ‘pet’ so take that as u will

Ever tasted your own nut/cum? Sure

Into golden showers? Nope

Body count: Under or Over 25? Wayyy under

How do you feel about nipple play? Uh depends! Not into being harsh like clamps etc just seems like itd hurt n not in a good way, but playing w/ them w ur hands and sucking on them. very good

Where do you like to be nutted on? chest/stomach seems good

Which are you better at: topping or bottoming? bottoming

What do you consider “too small?” Idk man dick is dick idc

Is play fighting foreplay? It sure can be!

Do you like angry sex? In concept maybe, in reality itd just kinda scare me

How long should a quickie be? Idk.. quick

How long is “too long” to have sex? Idk sex ends whenever one of u wants to stop, don’t think u can go too long if ur both comfortable with it

How long is “too long” to go without sex? Listen i.. am not the person to be asking this I’ve had sex maybe 3 times spread out over almost a year. i have never regularly had sex

Is “no” relevant in a relationship? Incredibly relevant!! Always!! Unless you’ve discussed beforehand that its ok to ignore it and have a safeword in place instead!! and then that safeword is not to be ignored!!

Do you believe in no-strings-attached sex? Sure but idk if i could do it

Would you have sex in a public bathroom? mmmaybe....

Would you have sex in a changing room? mmmmmmmmaybe

Who was the last person you had sex with? My ex

Describe your type. Idk I have the weirdest type i think they have like nothing in common then theyll all turn around and be into the same stuff or something its v strange

Name 3 turn-ons. Biting, just making out sometimes tbh, skin contact in places usually covered by clothes or under clothes..

Name 3 turn-offs. Umm. i definitely have turn offs but whenever im asked my mind goes blank. I guess being overly rough, hair pulling im undecided on tbh, and oh i usually dont like having my ass smacked but idk if itd change if it were like.. in the middle of sex

Name something that would make you stop in the middle of sex. Bad pain or panicking or it seems like the other person is uncomfortable. or someones knocking on the door for some reason sdkfjs

Would you answer a phone call during sex? no omg

Would you ever pay for sex? Nah.

Would you accept money for sex? Uh. Maybe? Wouldnt ask for it tho

How do you typically feel after sex? Mostly affectionate and good, but w the last person i was with sometimes it seemed like they just wanted it over and done with so i would get kinda nervous and guilty over that,, idk

Do you like your body? Nah

Ever sent nudes? Yep

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yeah he was abusive

Have you ever been cheated on? Idk, maybe, wait i think the guy i cheated on tried saying he cheated on me too but idk if he was just trying to get back at me so

Would you have a threesome? If I trust the people sure

Would you have a foursome? Same as above

Would you take part in an orgy? Uhh idk maybe, same as above applies tho

Would you let’s train be ran on you? Again if I trust the people yeah sure

How often do you masturbate? Idk it really depends sometimes im really horny and its like daily maybe more than once a day and then sometimes i just dont for like. a while

Sex with the lights on or off? on.. how are u meant to see what ur doing otherwise sdjkhfs

Sex with music or tv in the background? Sure, idc really. Though i have a thing if its like.. kids stuff.........dont do that..........

Do you have a cousin you’d fuck if you weren’t related? wtf no

In your last relationships, rate the sex? Uhh... good? I mean, good at the time, though like i said sometimes felt a bit rushed, and that now makes sense and i have very mixed feelings on it but mostly guilt bc the person i was with has since said they werent really into it. so.

Do you sleep naked? Nah I at least have underwear on

How often do you go commando? Never

Are your nipples pierced? If not, would you get them pierced? Nope

Do you dive right into sex, or converse first? Uh, depends? Talking about it beforehand or even during can be good though. But i guess it doesnt have to be Right before it, it can be a bit in advance

After taking your clothes off, what’s the first move? Kiss.. touch,, etc,,

Do you make the first move? Um. w my ex i kinda had to bc as i said, i later found out they werent really into it. other than that i generally dont tho bc im very nervous abt all that, kinda especially after that discovery hdfbghf

Have you ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Nope

Do you like dryhumping ? Sure

Can you twerk or do a split on a dick? Probably not

Have you ever been recorded during sex? No but I’ve had a dream abt being recorded sucking someones dick it was weird

Do you watch porn during sex? W. who does that. how can u focus on that. why would u watch sex when ur having sex skdjfhsjdk

After fucking, do you try becoming friends with a one night stand? Never had a one night stand

What’s your kink? Praise! Marking! Collars!

Would you hook up with the same hook-up again? I don’t think i could have a hook up tbh so no

Ever made a relationship from a one night stand? nope

How romantic are you during sex? uh.. idk havent rly had chance to try being romantic during sex but soft sex sounds v good imo

Describe your sex in 5 words or less. in my experience so far? nervous and kinda awkward

#god rip to my gf when every question i answer abt what its like having sex w me is just 'uh! awkward!'#Anonymous

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spacejew · 5 years ago

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oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

#personal #capn whitey #tw death #i guess

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almond-assistant · 6 years ago

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A very long rant and my opinions on neofeminism

Keep in mind that these are very opinionated, and I really don’t wanna fight with you. I’m only posting this so people know where I stand with this stuff, and so they know what kind of person I am.

Inequality: (the fake scenario here is metaphorical and also taken from a youtube video) Imagine there was a short person and a tall person, and there's a wall. In order to see over it, both people are given a stool of equal height to stand on. The tall person is still taller, and can see farther. Instead of giving the taller person a shorter stool, or a short person a taller stool, how about we give nobody a stool. Instead, give them equal materials to build their stool. Equal opportunity does not mean an equal outcome.

Wage Gap: That thing? It's non-existent; women are actually 'out-earning' men, according to literally every governmental source. And if the wage gap existed, it'd be illegal, considering women recieved equal rights in America in 1972.

Transphobia: Trans people are propped up and given all sorts of support in society! I remember at one point I considered myself transgender (I'm still queer-identifying fyi), and I was treated just as well, if not better, than most kids at my high school. And you know how you guys are so "supportive" of trans-men? Well, guess what. By not grouping him in with the cis men, you are therefore being transphobic by invalidating his identity, implying he is not like the cis man, as he would like to be seen as. Do you call a trans guy a rapist, like a cis man? No. Do you consider him sexist, like the cis man? Of course not! Even if he is, you wouldn't DARE accuse him of that! Right? Because he's an owo smol trans flower boy. By rubbing it in everybody's faces that you/someone you know is trans, you are therefore negating the fact that they'd like to be treated like a cisgendered person in the first place. Same goes for trans-women. FYI, I completely support real trans people!

Transtrenders: Super transphobic! If you want to be babied and called uwu smol then go join the adult baby community. You want to be queer? Just don't label yourself trans! Want attention? Go join a fucking talent show or something idk. Don't have dysphoria? What's the point in calling yourself the opposite gender? I don't get that. Wanna be a futa catgirl? I... I don't even know. Please stop that. Sexualizing trans/intersex people is transphobic. Trying to fit in? I get that. I did that. But please, please. don't rub it in everyone's faces. I actually DO have a bit of social dysphoria, but I used to make it a bigger deal than it should've been.

Patriarchy: I agree that patriarchy doesn't work. But, patriarchy is also basically gone, so I don't agree that it's this really big deal you guys make it out to be. On the other hand, matriarchy doesn't work well either. It takes both genders for lots of things to run smoothly. There are highly positioned women and men. That's what makes systems work, including reproduction and all that jazz. So basically, men are in fact needed. Stop treating them like shit. If you got rid of men, we'd go extinct. I know there's this thing with women's bone marrow or whatever, but that's not really relevant, and it isn't even guaranteed to work. By separating women from men, you are therefore being sexist, because equality doesn't have anything to do with gender. It's like if x=y, then y=x, y=y, and x=x. If x and y was female and male, or literally any gender, this would be the goal of feminism by definition. Without the belief that women are currently in a lesser position in society, neo-feminism falls flat. Speaking of which, you always focus on women, why aren't you including all of the other "genders"? Isn't that a bit sexist of you? Society is giving women everything they don't deserve. That's not equality. And yet you still think women are opressed.

Rape Culture: And before you rush to the comments with "You don't know what it's like to be sexually harassed!", I do, and that's why this topic ticks me off so much. Anyway, by labeling all men as rapists, you are therefore being sexist. And, even though you guys say men/boys can't be raped, they have been, and can be. Males are actually sexually exploited more than women. Furthermore, women can be rapists. Consent doesn't apply to just the woman. If a woman wants to have sex with a guy and he says no, yet she forces him to, it's still rape. Legal sexual interactions require both parties involved to give consent. I read a post on here that said something to the effect of, "If you don't have sex with a fat woman, you're raping her". That... boggles my mind.

Ableism: I have mental illnesses too, so this also pisses me off. I mean, I get that some people are wheelchair-bound or don't have the same mental abilities as a neurotypical person. I think it's great that we're helping to accomodate these people! But when you call everything that could even possibly leave out someone other than the neurotypicals ableist, it's frustrating. Literally anything could be ableist or classist. Eating pizza? No, this is ableist because some people have diabetes and can't eat certain things. Running gear? Ableist. Some people have to use wheelchairs, either because they were born paralyzed in the legs, or because they're too obese to move. Brain exercises? No, get that out of here. That's offensive to people with autism or the like, because their brains don't work like that, and it implies they're not good enough. therapy? Kill it with fire. You're saying we neurodivergents are not ok? It's like you don't care about people that want to get better. There's such thing as a target audience, so now let's see.. Pizza? Oh! That's for people who want a quick, cheap, and easy meal! Running gear? That's meant to interst people who enjoy being fit and maintaining their cardiovascular health. Wheelchair-bound folks have specialized exercises for keeping their muscles healthy. Running would not be as effective of a way for them to do that. Brain exercises? For people who want to keep their brain sharp and improve certain areas where they might have weaknesses. Again, people such as my brother (who has medium-high functioning autism) can have special exercises provided to them. But when companies manufacture products that leave out the neurotypical person, nobody thinks twice. So much for equality.

Fatphobia: I do agree that this one exists, although I've never experienced it myself, since I myself have problems gaining weight and keeping it on. I'm actually guilty of fatphobia, but hear me out. I don't mind if you're overweight, as long as others don't have to make special accomodations at no cost to the one being accomodated. If you're 500+ pounds and/or you need a wheelchair and two seats on a plane, I'm calling you out. There's no way you could be that fat without doing it to yourself or having a disability. I don't mind these things if you do have a disability, I understand you couldn't control it then. But if you're just sitting in your bed all day stuffing your face with cheese curls, you have no right to whine about fatphobia, as you could've easily prevented it. Mental disorders such as depression or anxiety that may lower your motivation so low that you don't care, I also get, since I've been in that situation plenty of times. Regardless though, I will not say you are beautiful. This is my personal opinion, and I know others may find obesity attractive, or even erotic (which is in itself fatphobic), but I do not. There are people who don't actually find it pretty, but still say it is. Please stop that. Speak your mind, yo. It's kinda sad that others shape your views, and if you don't agree entirely with the flock, you're not one of them, yknow? That's like... a cult or something.

Classism: I'm soft on this one, since I've been in and out of financial stability throughout my childhood and it sorta fucked me up. But again, calling everything classist is just not right. Songs about fancy cars and diamonds are praising the lush life, not making lower classes feel bad. If anything, those songs help them work harder to achieve their own dreams and have their own great life. But again, it's all about the target audience.

Racism: Racism was originally based off of fear and confusion. Other races had never seen a different skin color than their people's, and thought they were a different breed or species. The reason europeans and americans viewed africans as animals, is because they didn't know what else they could be. African society wasn't as developed, and the African people exhibited very primitive behaviors, as opposed to the educated caucasian. After a while, the african people taken to other lands as slaves, started to dislike that life and form their own opinions and values. The white people learned that the Africans were just humans of a different color, and eventually softened up a bit. But they couldn't abandon their ways of life, so the slaves slaved on, and the rich got richer. These values passed through generations, and eventually someone said, "Stop, these are people too, let's set em' free.". Though, yes, some families still teach their children to be racist, they don't imprison them anymore. Schools do a very good job of describing the treacheries of racism and slavery so it doesn't happen again. Most of my friends (and my boyfriend who I love so so much) are of color, in one way or another. Shit, I'm like, an eighth native american. I do consider myself white though, I'm Norwegian and Irish, for the most part. But I'll still honor my roots. Anyway, even modern racism is still based on fear. Islamophobia stems from terrorism, Black violence comes from stories of gangs and police shootings, and lots of other xenophobia stems from stereotypes. I'm completely against racism, trust me. But when you separate white from black and call white people scum, and call people of color 'strong, independent', and discard white people, it's kinda confusing. Racism applies to race, and caucasian is a race. Get it together.

Cisphobia: That exists. Cisgenderism/Heterosexuality are still identities, whether you want them to be or not.

Sexualities: Cool, You like people (Or you don't, if you're ace/aro). I know these sexualities were shunned before but most people are really accepting now! Just not the weird demonsexual things. Some people don't understand that too much. I sure don't.

Genders: Same as sexualities, don't get too crazy and people are cool w/ it.

Mogai and Neopronouns: Shit, get them out of here. You're making actual LGBT+ people look like a joke.

Anything I didn't mention that you'd like to hear my opinion on? Leave an ask! All interaction is welcome, though not all is wanted. Regardless, I'll try to be kind to you. I really have no reason to be rude to you if I don't know too much about you.

-Kevyn (almondassistant)

#I'm not gonna fight with you #please don't kill me #opinions #uwu?????#neofeminism #feminism #queer

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ajaegerpilot · 7 years ago

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whats Off abt true crime blogs and ppl who are obsessed with serial killers and the like is how apolitical they try to be. like. the majority of violent crimes that occur in this world are motivated by politics: by racism, by misogyny, by trans/homophobia. a society where homelessness and poverty is rampant is inherently violent and again, far more common than like xyz individual doing something awful.

you can’t get much more ‘true crime’ than police brutality, for example, but individuals that are interested in true crime tend not to center this type of violence in their concerns. or rape culture. or murders or disappearances of native women and trans women and sex workers or WAR or other things that are far more common than a mother killing her kid or a serial killer and I’d argue are just as if not even more insidious than the former simply because of how common and normalized these things are. because to center these things would be to raise awareness to these issues. but true crime is not about awareness.

this is not to say that individuals that are into true crime are pro-any of these things or that they don’t acknowledge how evil it is, but that they don’t seem to acknowledge it proportionally. they’d much rather focus on small cases of humans doing weird fucked up shit. my argument is that the undue special attention paid to these individual cases is ultimately useless because you cannot enact... social change... to change these individuals because from what I can tell in the majority of these cases these horrible acts would happen regardless of whichever society they took place in. (most of time obviously).

furthermore, I think that’s the point why true crime fans like talking abt these crimes. i think... morbidity aside .. this probably stems from some sort of weird attempt for escapism. now, I don’t enjoy true crime (I’m really talking specifically about cases of murders/abuse, I can find other sorts of criminality like gangsters/gangs interesting because these arise as a result of the system they’ve grown in, but even then I’m not.. That interested.) so I have a hard time understanding why people do or approaching their viewpoint. but i think that it (like a lot of things) comes from a desire to like?? focus on anything else but the reality of our world like? the chances of something really weird and horrific happening right under ur nose is slim, and even then ‘understanding their psychology’ won’t help you or them or their victims.

but like, trying to understand something is the first step to removing fear. and when you live in a world that’s inherently fucked up it’s sometimes easier to be scared of things that aren’t relevant than things that are because you can expose yourself to controlled doses of fear or discomfort whereas if you lend the same focus to common crimes you’ll quickly become.. overwhelmed. that’s not unique to true crime ppl (tho i still think those ppl make a certain leap that I could not do because I think its morbidly dubious to use another person’s tragedy for escapism, and I think escapism itself can lead to moral wrongdoing if we’re not conscious of it). like, I identified as ‘trans’ for a brief period in my teens because it was much easier for me to feel like shit about being misgendered because i was ‘trans’ than take on the fact that the reason why I felt like shit was because my being gendered as a girl forces me into roles and expectations that I as a human being reject. it’s sometimes easier to fight battles that aren’t so personal (which is why allyship is so important, but that’s a different topic). idk, this is kind of all over the place but basically i think that when true crime fans aren’t actively being morbid that it comes from a place of uh.. focusing on horrors which aren’t relevant and trying to process your feelings about human horror in a kind of controlled environment. whether it’s appropriate to use another human’s suffering for that purpose is another topic and is obvs subjective but uh. thats what I think might be going on..

(also bc u have no control over what a serial killer is doing or no way to stop like a mom killing her kids or whatever in 99.999999999999999% of cases and never will you don’t have any responsibility to enact any change in your own life or in those around you the way you do when you become more educated on the other crimes i’ve mentioned.)

#also if this somehow ends up in the 'true crime' search engine or whatever and ur an offended true crime that wants to send me death threats #or whatever the fuck happened last time i spoke poorly of serial killers like. consider Not because you will not get the desired result from #me regardless of what that desired result is. but uh. if ur self aware and have thought about why you're into true crime like.. i am curious #and willing to have like a brief good faith discussion #misha speaks #hmmhmhmh

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lostinthewinterwood · 4 years ago

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Hetswap 2020

Hey there friend! Thanks for creating for me.

Sorry this letter’s late—it includes the general likes and fandom-specific notes that my signup is tragically lacking.

My other exchange letters can be found here, and all the fandoms I’ve linked have fandom-specific request tags too. I’d be happy to get treats in any medium.

General DNW non/dub-con; non-canonical major character death; heavy angst; hurt no comfort; on-page deliberate self-harm*; on-page suicide; smut; gore; grimdark; complete downer endings; character bashing; incest; cringe comedy; a/b/o; mpreg; graphic eye trauma; graphic hand trauma; issuefic; unrequested full-setting aus; unrequested identity headcanons; a focus on unrequested romantic relationships**. *I don’t include things like, say, punching a wall in a fit of emotion under this. however, something like cutting would not be appreciated. **canonical levels of canonical ships are perfectly fine; background non-canon ships that I haven’t dnw’d are okay too.

General Likes

– I really like plotty fics

– Secret identity and disguise shenanigans, the more layers to them and more absurdity the better.

– Crossdressing for whatever reason and gender disguises, also for whatever reason, though not as a kink—that I enjoy less.

– A focus on family and/or friendship, especially characters realizing they’re not nearly as alone as they think they are, and just generally characters who like each other and enjoy spending time together

– Found family; families of choice

– Character studies

– Worldbuilding

– Canon-divergence AUs and missing scenes; things set pre- or post-canon; wriggling into canon and poking at it to see what it spits back at you, if that description makes any sense at all.

Art Things(??)

I’ll be real here, I’ve never requested art before; I don’t really know how best to prompt for it. I like a lot of different styles, though, so—if you matched on art or want to make art, just, do your style? I’m sure I’ll like it! For the visual media, definitely don’t feel pressured to stick to the canonical art style if you don’t want to. Seriously—digital, traditional, some combination—you do you.

As I, again, don’t really know how to prompt well for art, I haven’t given art prompts even where I’ve requested art. Don’t feel pressured to try to work any of the proposed scenarios into your art, though if you feel inspired by them that’s great; just give me the characters together, however you think best—that will be enough.

Podfic

My only podfic-specific comment is that I do generally appreciate not having very sudden volume shifts, especially from quiet to loud, as I like to listen on headphones. Apart from that, again, go with your style :D

Original Work

· Male reforester who's planted thousands of trees/Female dryad of the new forest

· Male Student Mage Disguised as a Girl/Female Student Warrior Disiguised as a Boy

· Male Student Mage Disguised as a Girl/Female Fellow Student Mage

· Runaway Princess/King of Thieves

· Sheltered Prince/Roguish Female Thief

· Teen Girl Medium/Ghost of a Murdered Detective Helping her Solve the Case (OW)

· Teenage Supervillainess with a Secret Identity/Teenage Superhero with a Secret Identity

· Teenage Supervillain with a Secret Identity/Teenage Superheroine with a Secret Identity

· Fanfiction

This isn't a hard-and-fast rule, but I'd rather all the human characters in relationships be at least fifteen, and I'd rather not have a very large age gap (say, >5 years) if one of the characters is underage. (For the medium/ghost, you don't need to keep it that small; just maybe don't draw too much attention to it and/or make her an older teenager lol).

fandom-specific dnw: predatory manipulation between characters in the relationship in service of the relationship--if, for example, the superheroes/villains are manipulating each other for non-relationship things and such that's okay, but i'd rather both parties in any of the ships be interested in the romance of their own accord. Additionally—this isn’t in my signup—please don’t have characters react to any gender-disguised characters (or characters in general, but it’s most relevant to them) in transphobic or transphobic-adjacent ways (i.e. none of the characters are requested as trans, but I still wouldn’t want to see the kinds of comments people make about trans people aimed at them).

Reforester/Dryad—I really like, idk, the vibe I get off this one—it’s got a very nice atmosphere? I don’t really know how better to say it, I’m sorry.

Student Mage/Student Warrior; Student Mage/Student Mage—obviously I love identity and disguise shenanigans; it always struck me as tragic when I was younger that there were all these stories about girls disguised as boys, but no one ever seemed to do the reverse? Hence prompts such as these. I’d love an identity/gender reveal, or maybe a post-reveal setting; I’d really rather not see them engage in any kind of serious romance without both of their genders being accurately known to the other, though flirting is definitely okay, as would be a date or two. It’d be fun to go with some variety of mutual pining pre-reveal though, that could make the reveal all the sweeter.

Runaway Princess/King of Thieves; Sheltered Prince/Roguish Thief—these seem to be mirrors of each other, somewhat at least; how does a royal meet a thief? Does our princess find herself in the criminal underworld when she runs away? Does our prince have a burglar appear on his balcony, or does he perhaps meet a girl at a masquerade who’s no noble and instead a thief?

Medium/Ghost—lots of fun shenanigans you can go into here! What kind of case are they working on? How does a relationship work, when one of you is alive and the other isn’t?

Supervillain(ess)/Superhero(ine)—love me some superhero identity shenanigans. Do they know each other in their normal lives? Are their identities secret from each other, or only the world? How do they first fall for each other—were they friends in their normal lives and enemies in masks? Is this enemies-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, or maybe something in-between? How do they reconcile a romantic relationship with one being a hero and the other a villain?

Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure

· Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel (Cartoon)

· Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Stalyan (Cartoon)

· Fanfiction

Eugene/Rapunzel—they’re adorable. I love them. Give me more—a moment in their lives? Something in the year before the series starts; something post-canon? Or maybe glimpses of them on the road?

Eugene/Stalyan—I will admit that this certainly isn’t my endgame ship for this canon, but I’d really love something pre-canon, when they were engaged or dating—what was their relationship like? How did they interact with each other and the world? Maybe a heist fic; that could be fun. My interpretation from what we get in canon is that their relationship wasn’t necessarily the healthiest (healthy relationships don’t usually lead to one getting left at the altar, after all) but it didn’t seem to me that it was necessarily abusive; I’d appreciate it if it was kept out of the actually abusive zone.

Hanging Out with a Gamer Girl (Manga)

· Terazaki Kaoru/Takekawa Izumi (HOwaGG)

· Terazaki Kaoru/Ousaka Nanami (HOwaGG)

· Fanart

· Fanfiction

· Podfic

Fandom-specific dnw: sexualization of Kaoru’s crossdressing, full justification of Kaoru’s fears re: Nanami’s dad

Kaoru/Izumi—they’re both cute; they have cute interactions; give me more of that?

Kaoru/Nanami—I, admittedly, don’t usually ship these two—but I love their friendship. Give me more of that, show me how it becomes a romance?

My typical DNW for unrequested setting aus does not apply here; if you want to write an au and want some ideas, I requested several in my AUEx letter.

Tortall – Tamora Pierce

· Stiloit Tasikhe/Varice Kingsford

· Kaddar Iliniat/Kalasin of Conté

· Roald II of Conté/Shinkokami of Conté

· Fanfiction

fandom-specific dnw: characters in the political marriages hating being married to their spouse throughout the fic--they can start off with reservations or not liking it but i'd really rather end with them at the very least liking their spouse.

Stiloit/Varice—they had quite interesting interactions, the few times they got the chance; Varice is a bit young for him in Tempests and Slaughter, but say he didn’t die—say he was alive still when she grew up a bit more—what does their relationship look like? What changes in the wider story, if Stiloit doesn’t die, if Ozorne doesn’t become quite so close to the throne as young as he does?

Kaddar/Kalasin; Roald/Shinko—these are both political marriages between characters who either seem to like each other or like they’d have a reasonable chance to like each other; what does marriage look like when you came into it as a diplomatic thing rather than falling in love? How do they learn about and come to care for each other?

Revolutionary Arc – kitsunerei88

· Aldon Rosier/Francesca Lam (Revolutionary Arc)

· Aleksandr Willoughby Dragic/Fei Long Lin (Revolutionary Arc)

· Fanart

· Fanfiction

Aldon/Chess—they do not have enough fluff or gentleness in the story right now; I’d like some more, please. Maybe post-war, with Chess off at muggle university—how does Aldon do with living properly in the muggle world? What do Chess’s classmates/friends think of him? I would also happily accept fluff/soft things set in the universe of Blake.

Alex/Fei—they haven’t ah, interacted ever in canon that I recall, but they seem like they’d fit together well, if only for a little while—is this a wartime friends-with-benefits? Maybe post-war? If you go with the friends-with-benefits take here I wouldn’t necessarily mind a bit of smut, as long as it’s not only smut—please no PWP.

Rigel Black Chronicles – murkybluematter

· Arcturus Rigel Black/Pansy Parkinson (Rigel Black Series)

· Remus Lupin/Rispah Cooper (Rigel Black Series)

· Fanart

· Fanfiction

Archie/Pansy—so. Archie’s quite attached to Hermione right now; but he’s also fourteen. Not all romantic interests people have at age fourteen stay strong; I’d rather not have a hard break or too many hard feelings between him and Hermione, and I think he’d be interesting to see with Pansy. As for Pansy herself—she seems to be too close to Rigel as a friend to seriously consider him as a partner, but she did seem potentially interested in Harry at the Gala—perhaps she’d also be interested in Archie, when she gets to meet him properly. Maybe this is a post-reveal thing; perhaps in trying to get to know the real Black heir she falls for him? I don’t know.

Remus/Rispah—this is admittedly partly my inner Song of the Lioness fan coming out, but I’d love to see Remus learning more about the Lower Alleys and what goes on there, and conversely bringing Rispah more into his world too.

#hetswap #exchange letters #requested: art #requested: podfic #requested: fic #requested: original work #requested: rapunzel's tangled adventure #requested: hanging out with a gamer girl #requested: tortall #requested: revolutionary arc #requested: rigel black chronicles

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stimtoybox · 8 years ago

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Have you ever considered adding another mod who could just act as your editor? Idk, I was just thinking about your recent posts about how you can't make your posts as good as you want to, and I thought it might help take some of the pressure off if you had someone to help, so you can focus your spoons on more important things than fixing typos.

Oh, anon. You’re not the only one who’s reached out to me this week, by the way, on the subject of help and mods, so I’m kind of answering everyone in the one discussion. Can I say that it floors me, absolutely floors me, that people are taking such an interest in this little blog, and me, and want to see it keep going? I don’t have words, not really, but there’s teardrops splashing onto the keyboard. Thank you. Just - thank you.

I’ve been thinking about another mod for the last month or so and thinking about it more the last week. And I keep running up against one thing: me. So I’m going to talk it out here, so you can get a sense of where I’m at.

I’ll be honest: part of me very much wants to wrap this blog this chest and go mine, mine, mine. (Think the seagulls in Finding Nemo.) This is, I admit, because I’ve spent years and years blogging on various platforms and struggling to gain an audience for my writing and now … now, somehow, I’ve happened across the right topic on the right platform to not feel, for the first time in my life, as though I’m shouting into the void. And that? That is phenomenally amazing, and something about which I feel extremely possessive.

But it’s also unfair. This blog serves a community and this blog would not exist without the hard work of other people. Tumblr blogs, unless they’re all the blogger’s own content, are a collaboration. That mine, mine, mine feeling is factually incorrect and largely born of my own deep insecurity.

I don’t know if people realise it or not, but I started this blog as somewhere to post my own findings and collate and tag other things. Because Tumblr being as ephemeral as it is, it’s hard to find information that’s grouped together, and most blogs tag with an eye of other people finding their blog or advising for content; I’m doing the latter and tagging for grouping and collecting. (I’d be shocked if anyone found this blog through the tags!) There’s lots of great stim toy blogs out there, and I reblog from them, but I don’t think anyone is quite so obsessive about the archival side. Which is pretty understandable, because it’s a big job.

(It makes answering asks like the autism-owned store master post and the DIY master post so much easier to create. Tagging is annoying and the HTML coding for the tags pages even more so, but it is worth doing.)

That I’d have nearly two hundred posts in my draft folder (not counting the 100 posts in my queue) wasn’t in the plan; I thought I’d have problems finding enough content for regular posting. That anyone would ask me anything, about anything, ever … how do I express the depth of my surprise that it happened and has continued to happen? It never crossed my mind. Not even once. That I’d end up in a position of knowing things? That my time as a dabbling crafter and fashion doll collector would be relevant?

I’m trying to say that I’m spectacularly unprepared for what happened and I still have no idea how I ended up having to have this very conversation.

But. The thing is that I don’t play particularly well in shared sandboxes. (It’s a personal failing, one of many.) I’m particular and controlling and very much enjoy the freedom of doingthings my way, to my standards. Even when that way drives me up the wallbecause I cannot myself live up to it!

For example, I couldn’t give the tagging over to someone else. (There’s amulti-page document beside my keyboard instructing me on how to tag and I still make mistakes.I could never unbend enough to watch someone else tag and do it “wrong” - andby “wrong” I mean not “incorrect” but “not following my system 100% to theletter”.) I would likely drive a fellow mod up the wall by complaining or drive myselfup the wall by trying not to complain.

I like answering asks - Igenuinely enjoy looking things up and discovering new information, so a fellowmod would have to pry that out of my dead hands unless I have to take time off for resting/writing/appointments. If I were to ask someone tomod with me, in all honesty, I’d be asking them to do the grunt work of editing, image descriptions, maybeproduct links if I unbend enough … while I do all the fun stuff. And I think that’s a little or a lot unfair, personally, which is why I hesitate to ask. There’s also the financial aspects of things like affiliate links - in honesty, I’ve only made a dollar or two from my links, but I don’t know that I feel comfortable with making any kind of money when someone else is doing some of the work. I’ve also been thinking about putting up a tip jar (I suppose for that one, at least, the theoretical co-mod can and should do the same) so that those of you who might have an extra dollar or two and feel moved to help me out can do so.

(It’s complicated, because there’s always a part of me that’s thinking about my online presence and how I might make either any income out of it or gain the kind of internet presence (read: something that appears to be an audience already inclined to buy my work) that means an agent or publisher doesn’t toss my fantasy novel abouta physically-disabled, autistic, non-binary, stimming protagonist and hir mentallyill, ace trans companion straight to the slush pile as financially unjustifiable. I wish, I really wish, I were in a situation where neither was a factor and I could do this blog just for the fun of it, but I’m not, and so I hope you’ll forgive me for seriously thinking about the ways in which I can use this blog, now that the miraculous thing of people following me has happened, to help me with, well, living as a disabled, autistic creative who’s in the un-fun position of being far too disabled for full-time employment and not disabled enough for governmental support. Part of that might be through affiliate links and a tip jar. Part of that might be making you all look like an audience.)

Plus, in truth,there’s a high chance my fellow mods would come to hate me with a passion that flaresundimmed until the world ends…

So, I’ve dithered, and I’m still dithering. (And, like always, I’ve written a lot of words to describe said dithering.) I don’t know if it’d be best to take on a mod or two, or to post a list of posts and ask people to describe them for me, or … I don’t know. I don’t. Dithering makes it hard to know!

If this doesn’t get me closer to an answer, it at least lets you know what I’m thinking about and why. At this stage, I’m pretty firm in the “no decision yet” camp, despite taking on a mod being the super obvious answer, but is absolutely something that needs thinking about and deciding on.

(If anyone read this to the bottom … wow. Just wow. You’re amazing.)

#text #mod chatter #ask #anon #long post #very long post #personal #not a toy #off topic #mod K.A.

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