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biruesque · 8 months ago

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one time i dreamt i was the second mind in the body of a girl. i couldn't control her, only watch her thoughts, feelings, and memories. i woke up when she died of suicide. if my dream diary clearly says i was her, why do i really feel like we're two different people?

#signalis #falke signalis #elster 512 #elster signalis #biruesque art #this was a real dream i had in 2021 #my bestie named the girl chloe because she didnt think about her name once throughout the dream #she was looking for her mother but she gave up and then killed herself out of guilt #the only reason why her and i are separate is that her memories were different from mine #but idk how reliable that really is #like actually i couldnt tell if a thought was hers or mine #i couldnt tell if it was me or her who stopped her first suicide attempt and kept her going #i thought that was really fitting for falke and elster

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gingerswagfreckles · 1 month ago

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Well they caught him. If he wasn't the exact kind of person tumblr loves, the conspiracy theories about this being a random person being framed would have continued to spread. But he's an attractive 26 year old white man who was caught carrying a manifesto about corporate America and has an internet history that matches up with tumblr's general politics. So everyone is going to get excited about how he's a martyr and go back to acknowledging reality in that there isn't a conspiracy to frame the wrong guy.

The discussions over whether or not this man should be lionized as a hero are honestly not as relevant as the comfort with which people are going to drop the conspiracy theory they would have been fully committed to if this man's politics turned out to be nuts. The ease with which the userbase of this website switches between realities based on whether or not they confirm their biases is really alarming. I just hope people understand how weird it is to claim a random person is 100% going to be framed by the FBI on one day, and then drop that by the next day when it becomes clear that the person being "framed" is the exact kind of communist you had hoped.

#gingerswagfreckles #i feel like this comes off as waaah the ceo got shot and i really dont feel that way #i dont care he had it coming #and also. i cannot say yet bc not much info has come out but so far the shooter doesnt seem like someone i dont generally agree with #(preliminarily. maybe the manifesfo is super nuts idk)#but i really think that everyone's excitement to celebrate this guy as a hero is going to #distract from the fact that leftists have like decided conspiracies theories are completely acceptable #and not only that they're fun and true based on nothing but also that they stop being true #when theyre no longer politically beneficial #which just like. do you guys even understand how bad that is. not just that ppl are all gung ho about conspiracies now #but that theyre not dropping them in response to new information that disproves them #but in response to new information that makes them politically inconvenienient to continue to believe #it implies that a huge chunk of leftists are not basing their opinions on reality and facts but whatever makes them feel good and confirms #their identity within their social group. which has been true to some extent for a while #but we are getting to the point where people arent uncomfortable with the cognitive dissonance #that comes with believing in different versions of reality from one moment to the next based on what feels like it would be cool #in that moment #idk we are all doomed i think #i saw this coming back in 2017 and no one listened to me :/ people dont believe in objective truth anymore #they believe truth is something malleable that can be changed to confirm their beliefs #rather than something objective that they should change their beliefs in response to #like why are you all dropping the whole this is a random person being framed thing if you believed that yesterday #like oh ok NOW the police are a reliable source for identifying who the perpetrator is?? bc the perpetrator turned out to be someone you #think is cool?? i do not believe you guys would be believing these same souces arent in on a conspiracy against leftists if this guy #had turned out to be someone you dont like and agree with #luigi mangione #united healthcare #united healthcare ceo #united healthcare ceo assassination

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daily-hanamura · 1 year ago

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#p4 #persona 4 #p4g #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #god do i have so much to talk about in this scene #first of all yu's hug kills me because thats a very intimate hug thats not a bro hug where you put your arm around their shoulders #thats a hug where he put his arms around yosuke's waist!!!!#when yosuke says that's for girls... i kind of see what he means? personally id only hug my romantic partner the same way but hey #second of all and more seriously i think this is a really good example of how Yosuke's words frequently fail to match up against his action #yosuke might complain about how the hug is for girls but it doesnt stop him from holding on #the scene fades to black and yu says they stayed on the riverbank until yosuke calmed down #so they mught as well have hugged for the whole time?#idk im personally obsessed with the contradictions between what yosuke says and what he does because expressing himself is not his strength #Yosuke's words cannot be reliably taken at face value but i think his friends - and yu especially - come to learn and accept that abt him

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shadowslocked · 10 months ago

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Everybody, understandably angry: the QSMP admins aren’t being paid?!? 😡

Me, confused: we thought they were getting paid???

#qsmp #I was under the impression it was all volunteer #the fact ANY of them are paid is a surprise to me #like QSMP doesn’t really have a main source to reliably draw money from if the team continues to grow #idk how rich Quackity is but I doubt he’s THAT rich #like maybe other CCs could pitch in but I don’t know their financial status #nor do I want to

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daz4i · 29 days ago

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european followers i need you to do me a favor and go to the nearest city's christmas market. a big one. a very colorful one. go there. for me. bc i can't. do it in my stead...

#hopefully i could but atm it doesn't seem like there are any reliable flights at normal costs 😔 sad!#idk how much these are a thing in the us btw i think i did go to one in nyc before so maybe??#so if you have a cool one near you. american followers please join too #go to your local food markets in my stead too bc i love the vibes in those but they aren't really a thing here.#(or rather they're all inside malls and aren't particularly interesting? you also mostly buy boxes for later rather than street food)#(probably bc. you're not in the street. and street food here doesn't need to be in a market in fact it'd make its quality worse i think)#. now i'm just rambling abt food markets. sorry. it's been years since i got to be a tourist and i miss it 😔

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lilydvoratrelundar · 2 years ago

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On the one hand Moffat coming back makes sense in the same way rtd and tennant returning does because getting back old shit is always good for publicity. On the other hand. The reason chibnall took the job was to diversify the production and allow people who historically didn't get a chance to write for dr who very often (women, people of colour, women of colour) to write, direct, etc their version of the show, and apparently spent a lot of time creating the writers room process which wasn't really a thing in the UK before. Rtd taking a step back from that by hiring all his cis white men from pre 2018 Who (or at least, hiring back this very notorious cis white man from pre 2018 Who) feels like a step in the other direction from that. Moffat's been writing televised Doctor Who since 1999. We can give other people a go now.

#dw #doctor who #lily dot tee ex tee #Everyone go listen to chibnalls interview with radio free skaro its really interesting #Obviously im taking the moffat news with a grain of salt idk how reliable the mirror tends to be on these things #But if it IS true.

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mla0 · 5 months ago

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i hate when people portray michael and/or patrick as some kind of master manipulator who was terrible to shaun and stormy. like, in the past, michael sometimes got portrayed with little autonomy, or as childish and overly innocent in a weird way. that in itself is an issue with the treatment of mentally ill characters (infantilization), but the solution isn't to argue that he's actually a monster who only wanted to hurt and mislead people. the same goes for patrick. i don't enjoy the "goofy flirty mass murderer" interpretation for very similar reasons, because in the canon patrick did indeed do some wild shit but i think it's a stretch to say it was out of malice, except maybe towards eric lol

obviously there will be different views of these characters and this isn't meant to be gatekeep-y or anything, i'm just concerned with how certain portrayals can quickly slide into negative biases towards mental illness. i think if you're going on this route you might want to ask yourself why, and consider how it could make the mentally ill people within the fandom feel when they see their own symptoms portrayed by their peers as synonymous with being dishonest or manipulative

#og #not putting this in the tags because i'm kinda just spilling my thoughts onto a post #i just saw something about michael on another site and it really rubbed me the wrong way #i know a lot of this came from habit saying all that shit in GOODBYE to shaun #i just dont understand why people think habit was telling the truth #he did explicitly say he wanted to break shaun after all. and we all know how Honest And Reliable he was with vinny #like. in the series nothing points to michael being the secret cause of everyone's woes. i would argue it was implying otherwise #and i feel... sad that i sometimes see him being blindly characterized as a complete asshole or as Super Manipulative #like... i had to deal with most people in the fandom hating shaun not that long ago until it started to change for some reason #and frankly? id really rather not watch that same bullshit happen to poor michael. the guy was just trying his best....#i sometimes see this sort of thing from people who really like shaun and i just wanna say #you don't have to twist everything michael did into some terrible action just because you feel bad for shaun #like for starters there's plenty of times where they're both wrong. or miscommunicate. or where ones right but says it in a terrible way #and it's also like. yeah michael fucked up sometimes but you'd have to be high to think the same isn't true of them all #idk. im rambling and idk how to end these tags. ummmm. yeag

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pollen · 3 months ago

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i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like

#idk he knows me more than anyone bc i can't hide the parts i'm ashamed of from him #last night he was like. yeah EYE think you have adhd but i'm just some guy #idk i'm excited about this not because i want to be Quirky for internet reasons. yknow. but bc i've felt like an impostor of a human being #and i have no sense of self and i can't get myself to do basic tasks and the thought of doing something i don't want to do #genuinely makes me want to throw up/my brain shuts down/i can't think or talk or function to the point where i can't work.#so i can't support myself. so i feel terrible about myself. and i've been in and out of therapy for 20 years and have numerous diagnoses #that have never really felt like they fully encapsulate what's going on. and like. i've kinda just internalized that i'm not as good at #being a person as everyone else because i struggle so so much. like yeah i did well in school but i had to sacrifice literally everything #else to do that. idk how everyone else is managing to have a job and hobbies and friends #i get to pick like. one now. i used to be able to juggle everything to some degree although i felt like i was being careless in all areas #except school. i'm so scared of making mistakes or starting anything or talking to new people or trying new hobbies #because i know it won't interest me more than a couple weeks MAX and i'll feel listless and restless again #and i've come to understand this as part of who i am at my core. i'm just someone who can't commit and isn't reliable or a good friend #i just want so badly for that not to be the case because i want so badly to not be stuck like this #idk im going home to talk to my dad this weekend and just rest because i'm really really not doing well #which is why i'm scrambling to try to figure out what's going on with me because idk how much longer i feasibly can do this #and i might be moving back to the pnw bc therapists in pa don't work with medicaid #and no psychiatrists near me are taking new patients. and i can't work to get on private insurance. but therapists in or do work w medicaid #so idk. again if youre diagnosed w adhd and this sounds not like someone who is consuming social media brain rot content about adhd #but rather someone whose experiences you identify with. please let me know. please please #i am reaching out to professionals also but things move slowly and i'm trying to compile evidence so i don't sound like i'm making it up

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suniside-crossing · 2 months ago

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#( ooc )#negative tw #(( man idk if i'll ever be able to truly enjoy tumblr rp again at this rate ))#(( people have been nothing but kind to me ))#(( and yet i still get the nagging feeling that in the long run i just don't matter ))#(( there will always be other better alastor rpers ))#(( or vox rpers ))#(( or any other muse on my list ))#(( there's always someone that's more established and put together and just overall a better writer ))#(( i look at everyone on my dash and as much as i want them to write with me ))#(( i 'know' they can do better than me ))#(( they can find someone else that's more reliable and can write those awesome long term slowburn plots ))#(( i take too long and i'm too inconsistent and my writing isn't that good ))#(( i don't think i'm terrible ))#(( but i do feel like everyone else is better than i am ))#(( and i feel like my partners can do so much better ))#(( it really keeps me from reaching out to people to write things ))#(( what's the point if they can find someone better? ))#(( that's how my brain works and i hate it because i really do want to write ))#(( but i lowkey view everyone else as competition of sorts ))#(( bc (and i know i sound like a broken record) everyone else is better than me ))

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mxtxfanatic · 9 months ago

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Book of the Week: To Be a Virtuous Wife

Author: Butterfly's Shadow Beneath the Moon/Yue Xia Die Ying (月下蝶影)

Genre: transmigration, ancient setting, revenge, josei

Rating: M

My Synopsis: Qu Qing Ju lives by one philosophy: here for a good time, not a long time. That means eating well, dressing beautifully, and, due to lack of modern entertainment, outmaneuvering all the tyrants who bullied her original host. It doesn't hurt that this life comes ready-set with a handsome husband in tow. Said husband, He Heng—between scheming against his brothers for the throne—just wants to know if his new wife has always been this interesting.

My Actual Review: In order to understand Qu Qing Ju as a character, you need to understand that despite her being a girls girl, that doesn't mean she'll take shit. So she's all for empowering the women around her—as long as they don't fuck with her bottom line. For the characters who meet that condition, she coexists peacefully with them, and they love her. Fuck with her, though? You'll never have another peaceful day, if you’re so lucky to even have a long life. There's probably more I could say about He Heng, but honestly, the thing that most stuck with me was how much man just really loved his wife and desperately wanted to know she loved him back.

As much as this story involves the main character getting revenge against those who transgressed against the original host, I feel like a good deal of tension in the story comes from He Heng trying to convince Qu Qing Ju that he is not a useless man that'll abandon her the moment something new and shiny comes along. Lots of narrative discussion about the role of women in ancient China, the unreliability of men, and how women need to be able to depend on each other for aid rather than clinging to the power of others in hopes of earning a secure life, which is a common discussion in all of this author's josei novels. Speaking of which: content warnings for the usual with this author, including underage marriage, pregnancy, etc. (if you want to count it, since technically the mc transmigrates in as an adult, but the original host's body is a teen). Other than this, a little bit of suspense and a whole lot of comedy is the mood of this novel!

Translation: complete

#human promotes #to be a virtuous wife #i don't really talk about the main pairing as a couple #but best believe i absolutely love them as a couple #i love how qu qing ju brings her modern openness about sex and relationships into the new setting #but doesn't just fall for he heng just because he starts giving her attention #he's the one who has to chase her #which is completely fair since she has the original host's memories of being completely neglected by him #he actually has to prove that he *is* reliable #that she *can* depend on him #on a completely different note: idk what this author has against infants #but they sure do love to have their main couples roast their babies LOL

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lesbiansanemi · 20 days ago

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I’ve been trying not to think about it and get my hopes too high up but I realized that it’s been over a week since I’ve like, felt that “the world is caving in on itself” hurt, anxiety, and sadness. Tbh I’ve felt more…. Stable? Steady? Don’t feel like I’m wildly swinging between extreme moods every couple hours to couple minutes and I’ve been like huh that’s cool but also waiting for the other shoe to drop and for it to come back but then I realized this started a bit after all my med dosages got doubled and now I’m like. Holy god….. are they working???? Do meds actually fucking work???????

#again trying not to be tooooo hopeful this could be a coincidence and it’ll come back with a vengeance #but also I’m like. very odd that all of a sudden this stopped happening then #and I highly doubt I just magically got myself under control that quickly #like I mean yeah obviously I still get upset and sad and angry sometimes #but it doesn’t feel like I need to go fucking kill myself or like my insides are coming undone #and little things don’t send me spiraling like they were #on the one hand omg yay it would be so wonderful if the meds are actually helping now and I’m glad they might be #but also I feel a bit frustrated and sad because if I had been able to be on reliable medication before now….#maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so bad and certain things wouldn’t have happened #but…. no point in dwelling on that so I’m trying not to #just trying to be hopeful that some of the meds are actually doing what they’re supposed to #like not only just feeling better #I don’t come home and just sit in silence and stew in my own misery and make myself feel bad #I do things I actually like and I’m having fun doing them #I mentioned last night it felt weird how much I was writing and like huh I wonder if this is part of it #been playing lots of games too which has been fun #haven’t really been drawing cuz I already packed most art supplies but that’s fine #idk it would be nice if that’s part of what this is and it keeps up….#kaz rambles

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evie-doesnt-write · 23 days ago

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I do wonder if my disillusionment in MBTI stems from a gap in understanding or if it is genuinely a flawed system…

#i still think it’s a useful (if very flawed) tool but the functions no longer make sense in my mind #(tho also idk how to explain it but while i don’t think it has no merit at all… i think because of its flaws its not reliable and is pretty #harmful… important to consider what with its growing prevalence)#definitely never thought it as more than pop psychology but there was room to argue about it being feasible #but not really anymore #evie rambles

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theskymother · 27 days ago

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if i make one more post on here between now and next thursday i need you to all scream at me like spam me with the griffin mewing animations start sending those tiger bots to follow me or something. chase me away from here okay guys okay

#im. im. auhghahHWGHHGAHDJNKBVJADBMA #i have a ten page single spaced research paper due Tomorrow. i have. four pages and a kind of detailed outline for it that would be easy to #follow if THE STATISTICS I WERE LOOKING FOR EXIST #you're telling me NO ONE has done a study on the impacts of health insurance on the economy???? no one??????#i found one actually. from obama. and they were like you can find the full statistics in this cool pdf if you just click this link here :)#HAHA ACTUALLY IT'S A 404. SCREW YOU. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN EASILY FIND THE INFORMATION YOU NEED IN 10 MINUTES??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHGHASGHAD #dude genuinely idk like there's clearly stastistics on the Government giving more healthcare but i can't find any on private insurance comp #nies. im. augh. augh. auhgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #why didn't i choose something easyyyyyyyyyy. like the environment.....................................#whatever. whatever. i'm going to go lock in now i guess i'm going to write out the whole rough draft tonight...... we'll see how that goes.#just really rough. just to figure out phrasing and transitions and make sure everything fits together #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #oh my cod i literally just searched up the question with different phrasing and got the exact answer i was looking for #okay. well that's cool #actually nevermind none of these websites are reliable #oh i am. so blind. there actually were statistics in that obama article............#well guess i have to write about them now then. bye

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glubandeepspace · 28 days ago

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nothing fuels creative endeavors like seeing a take that is very juicy very delicious if not for lack of awareness it is an overwhelmingly common dramatic misconception fueled by hearsay and assumptions about things underdescribed and/or ambiguous so far

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brown-little-robin · 1 year ago

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🥱...

#I've done a thing :3 #been having the worst run of bedtimes and really feeling the effects (why do I do this? eh... multiple reasons but it is not helpful)#so in an attempt to have some fun with breaking the midnight to 1 am bedtime habit I made a new sideblog #it's called robins-bedtime-tracker dot tumblr dot com #anyway I plan to update that blog for a while w my bedtimes of the previous night. I don't particularly care if friends follow or view it #I just ask that you only follow it if you know me!#might turn into somewhat of a journal or something idk #and I don't know how long I'll keep updating it #but it exists! and you can track your local robin's bedtime if you want to! I don't mind!#mostly it's for my own viewing because I'm reliably on my laptop every day so I'll remember to update it daily #I don't have a set goal like every day I have to go to bed before midnight just an overall goal to get my bedtime *usually* before 11:30—#—if there aren't extenuating circumstances #and possibly to push it even earlier than 11:30 but let's not get TOO excited lol #Robin speaks

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insanechayne · 4 months ago

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~ ~ ~

#I hate who I am when I start missing human contact and feeling lonely #I start missing someone who was awful to me simply because they were reliable in talking to me every day and at least sort of my friend #I start craving the connections that you see in media even though I know those types aren’t real #it seems like everyone else has more people and better people and closer people in their lives than me #it seems like everyone has best friends and partners that are closer to them and better for them #and idk it just feels like things are missing from my life #I have a partner but I can’t always talk to them when I need to because they can’t always handle a conversation #I have a best friend but he barely ever answers my calls and things feel distant between us lately #I have other friends but they’re not the kinds that I feel I could turn to for help when I’m lonely like this #I have my parents but neither of them are very good at comfort in these situations #and I just want to cry because I feel so completely by myself and I don’t know what to do anymore #I just want someone to talk to and who will listen to me when I need help and advice and be there for me #I’m starting to really miss the wrong people again even though I know I’m better without them in my life #but at least I could send them anything and get a response fairly soon when I needed to #at least for a while they were very close to me and i think that’s what I really miss most of all #just the closeness of another person since I don’t always feel that with other relationships these days #it’s times like these I wish I’d just killed myself at 16 so I wouldn’t have to keep dealing with this over and over forever #it’s times like these I wanna fade away #if I’m going to be alone anyway then why bother keeping others around at all? why not just break off and go be a hermit somewhere else?#but I can’t do that because I have too many responsibilities that I need to take care of #idk maybe I should just kill myself and get it over with #pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to make it this long in the first place #I mean I’m being facetious cause I’m not overly suicidal and I’m not actually going to do anything #just kinda wish I could in a weird sort of way #like missing the feeling of a blade slicing my skin since I stopped cutting a long time ago #just want more out of my relationships and from myself and from my life and idk how to get any of that #personal

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