#but idk abt the other ones alas
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Alright I have an oni tag now 👍
#rat rambles#oni posting#I was mostly procrastinating out of denial but yeah no its here to stay for a while at least#I tagged some of my oni posts with it but not all of them cause I cant be bothered#but yeah uhhhhhh tee hee#I am slowly assimilating the scientists into my blorbo pool ellie and joshua I am coming for you#oh also I read some of the story trait logs and uhhhhhhhh heyyyyy gravitas you weren't intentionally starving your employees were you hahaa#hey gravitas banhi and ren got out of the sub sub sub basement right. right. Right.#hey klei did yall go there or am I just looking with doomsday tinted glasses#either way 13 days is quite some time to go without eating rip to those guys#it was reading that that made me want to do my own logging btw Im still gonna do that but not tonight#I spent enough time today just getting everything unlocked so I can look at it in the first place#and I still have some stuff to unlock that Im not quite sure how to because as far as I can tell its not logged anywhere#tbf I didnt look super hard so Ill have to dig a bit deeper tomorrow if Im still struggling with it#I mildy worry it involves doing the same story event in multiple playthroughs tho#well the mysterious hermit one doesnt and I think the fossil one doesnt#but idk abt the other ones alas
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the whole "jason rules crime alley and none of the other bats are allowed there!!1!" thing is so funny like. tim LITERALLY lives in the theater where bruce's parents died,
#rimi talks#sorry. thought about tim doing that again. what is WRONG with him kfjshakjdshfkjd#WITHOUT EVEN TELLING BRUCE UNTIL AFTER HED ALREADY DONE IT TOO.#TIMOTHY. WHY.#this is the other thing abt why i just dont like seeing jtodd in fanwork#whenever he appears like 99% of the time its in a way that is directly contradictory to actual comics#the 1% of people who actually read the comics and write him in such a way? fine great awesome!!#however i still am filtering that bitch out because hes kind of a catch-all for the most annoying batfanon tropes.#because. yknow. theres no other tags to filter out bc they dont Fucking tag it#alas. oh well. anyways can we go back to going hey tim what is wrong with you#because for real i think he got off way too easy for this one.#forget identity reveals i want the core four sleepover where tim's apartment gets its lore reveal#give me cassie doing such a dramatic spit take that she gets ice cream on the ceiling. picks up tim like a weasel. and goes WHY???#and hes just like. idk seemed like the right thing to do :)#tim
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feeling v proud of myself for eyeing something and thinking “that seems like it's 70 inches” then it was 😌
#ms ma'am needs to return some curtains she got for her room oops 🙈#looked at it when i got home like ah yes. i should have measured that but alas. the lack of brain cells 2day#im still catching up energy wise 😮💨 feels nice 2 slowly get settled though!!#now that ik i can hire movers to help i wanna furnish my place more. kind of. i also don't plan on living at this particular apartment for#more than a year‚ but it ain't too bad 😌 more importantly I'm Here!!! finally out of the city™#everyone I've talked to so far has been rly chill.#Seattle im not going to miss you..#only Someone.. but we will visit each other ♡ he's coming over to see me on my vacation and im taking it late next month ^.^#not going anywhere just like.. god I've been so strong and brave about everything for the past year n a half/2yrs#but i NEED to rest!! idk how much time i have but i know i have over a week maybe 2#2 sounds right.. been a while since i checked 😳 i want to roam and explore...#omg and i think i know my First Place i want to go check out (｡ﾉω＼｡) theres a fish hatchery im rly curious abt. I've never been! 😯#╰(￣ω￣ｏ) they got some other fun places too. aquarium + a(t Least one) zoo
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hhelp wait this is so funny. didnt you follow me forever ago after a scott themed october song analysis . sorry if you dont remember that and this ask doesnt make sense but this is still funny to me
hi!!!! yeah. it was the cherri crane lives art i think and also where you made your flower husbands tag! I have never really interacted with fh outside of you (and like, seeing pretty fanart) but i am nonetheless deeply invested in your interpretation specifically!!! I honestly haven't watched jimmy outside of rats and the beginning of empires2 either i genuinely have no clue what they get up to you just seem to have a lot of fun with it
#asks#<-omg i can make that a tag now#i also am a year behind on the life series. i think the most recent one i've seen is double#like from any pov. i am a year behind. however that goes for everything on youtube#my poor watch later playlist hit the 5000 video limit forever ago and so did the second one i made to replace it. i am on my third#but seriously i don't know what goes on in fh canon but i like their blue/yellow thing they have going on. idk if that's like? intentional?#but like scott blue and canary yellow are really pretty colors together#and they are also SO close to being complimentary colors and yet. they aren't. just a little bit off#they don't quite fit quite how they should. i made that up on the spot i mostly think yellow and blue are nice colors#i think my biggest exposure to scott before you was literally the deal with destiny song in empires1#and i don't even think i acknowledged him as like a real guy ykwim.#like oh yeah. scott smajor. he's like. in that song lizzie made or something. he can sing alright i guess (plays it on loop)(plays it on lo#whisp whispers#seeing u post about Discourse(tm) is always really funny to me because i didn't realize for a while that u did not have like#the 'normal' interpretation? like i didn't realize you had a different view than other people#i was like oh yeah the relationship held in the death games is toxic. that makes sense yeah and is not surprising#and then suddenly there would be a post where you mention discourse and i went. Ohhhhh wait they're supposed to be HAPPY!!!#but i feel like this is infinitely more enjoyable i love Flawed Characters#and especially now after watching his rats. i get it. i get it i get it i see what you are saying#he doesn't interact much with jimmy hes mostly with owen and. i mean#'i've never heard someone apologize so much while putting the blame on the other person'???? i see exactly what you mean#r!scott accidentally hurting r!owen and then apologizing profusely while insisting it's because owen stood in his way. and then immediately#isolating himself in a room for like 20 minutes and refusing to interact with anyone feels like. idk#it reminds me of ur rambles and i understand them more now i think. kind of#to be clear by 'with' i mean like. in proximity of. those rats are AROMANTIC!!!!! (to me)#i'm so sorry these tags are a mess. but alas#i also think it's really funny to follow Flower Husbands guy and know nothing abt them. invested by proxy. whenever i hear abt scott giving#jimmy a flower i get excited not because like i know what's going on but because omg! that's like that thing bree talks about sometimes!!#i hope that like. any of this makes sense shdbfjk
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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forever and ever ago I submitted poems to my university's journal and they got accepted but there was some complications with sending the poems back after editing (my email sending them back was never responded to) and now im worried they're not even going to be in the journal :/
#damien.txt#i mean on one hand like. at least no one will read my embarrassingly personal poems#but also on the other hand! all three of them were accepted! which is kinda crazy#and idk.... feels like an accomplishment. and having them published in any way is cool.#the journal is going to be released soon and there was a post made abt them sending some emails out to ppl abt reading their works from it#and ahhhhh on some level i want to be invited. to read. but also that's so embarrassing fr i never imagined any of them read out loud#also again!!! im just so nervous that they won't even be in there#and then ill go to pick up a physical copy and then it. won't even be in there.#maybe im overthinking (probably) but also AHHH. man. wish i had just gotten a 'yep! we got them. thanks!' email#alas. we will have to wait and see :/
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keep looking at cars on craigslist, since i would like to have my own car, keep showing my finds to my dad since he knows more about cars than i do, and he asked "how do you keep finding cars that belonged to someone else's daughter"
#libra.txt#idk?????? i guess other parents are the only people who are selling semi-decent cars in my price range#still wistful abt that iridescent beetle....... bubble car#alas.... taken from us too soon (guy sold it to someone else before i could go see it)#but it is a really funny pattern that he pointed out. i've shown him six or seven cars now and almost every single one of them#belonged to some random family's daughter who has since found a better car ig
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i wanna go home i wanna be with yoomiee
#im rlly sleepy and just thinking#theres nowhere thats ever rlly felt like ''home'' to me even the house i lived in for the first 18 years of my life even the one i do now#ig bc in both of them and in any other place ive been i was never rlly a priority i was just.someone existing there#ive never rlly been anyones Equal.may be an inferiority complex but it feels like sinking and ive never known what its like to not feel it#i just feel the inherent knowledge that im below everyone else at all times idk#but i like to imagine me and yoomtah as Equal no matter what kinda actual enhancements she has as a cyborg we're on the same level#bc i think the only way i'll feel ''home'' is by being acknowledged as something that is Not inferior#as something that deserves a place to exist comfortably without feeling entirely alienated and lost#and i can kinda imagine what itd feel like when i envision her and i together#with the exact same love and respect for each other just being comfortable together feeling At Home with each other#its warm and comforting but it doesnt feel like much more than an idea bc ive never rlly had it for real#also im aware that irl me wouldnt be equal to her at all bc she can do Everything and iiiiiiii Cant do anything ever#but my si aka realer-than-irl me has cool magical girl powers and has killed for her multiple times so its fineeeeeeeeeee#i would be unstoppable if this vessel i was placed in could shoot heart shaped lasers but alas#does any of this even make any sense jm rlly tired and just rambling abt yoomtah As usual#i want to go home i want her to take me home
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cannot stop thinking about yungi youth mv
#like what if i throw up#it's about the trauma and the tiredness and picking yourself back up and moving on it's about friendship and home#they lost sight of each other when they were so focused on themselves and their own shit#the shot of mingi in front of the mirrors where the center one is himself and the rest are yunho with his back towards him like !!!!!!!!!!!!#their old coping mechanisms not working#mingi used to use music to shut out the world so he could be alone but now it brings him back to yunho but yunho isn't THEREEEEE#yunho picked up his lore!brother's guitar bc it had been his dream before he died and he was grieving him but here he's smashing it on the-#-wrecked car the thing that took his brother away from him#and u can SEE yunho dancing in the burning house even in the 2 different sets u see flames through the windows#and mingi is watching the cabin burn alone until yunho walks into frame and we can breathe bc he's no longer trapping himself in that house#AND THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE TURNS TO MINGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII#IT'S LIKE. WE'RE BOTH HERE. WE MADE IT AND WE'RE STILL TOGETHER.#gonna puke. idk if anything i've said makes sense it's after midnight and my head is a jumble they just got me feeling a lot#it's about the loneliness it's about the grief it's about watching ur past in third person it's about returning to yourself in the present#mingi i love u forever and ever. his lyrics have always hit the hardest like he Gets me#god this is just such a fever era song so ofc i'm obsessed like the lyrics in that series just fuckin HIT#they talk abt how hard and lonely and scary and confusing and tiring it is growing up and i start thrashing and clawing at the walls#how wonderful to not only be alive at the same time as atz but to be the same age & have similar experiences so their music feels like a hug#like. i'm not alone huh#ANYWAY. did not come here with the intention of saying anything in the tags i was just gonna post that picture but alas#kara can talk
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I was on the wikipedia page for phobias just for fun but just discovered theres an actual word for a fear of being touched.. 🥹
#haphephobia.... and they list guts from berserk under pop culture references 😢😢😭😭 thats my guy....#not gonna lie i teared up a bit i didnt realise it 'counted' as an actual phobia#i find it really difficult to talk abt but i have a complicated relationship w touch/physical contact (likely trauma babeyy)#and while i do crave it a lot i also have a very physical reflexive fear response especially if its intentional + i dont expect it#which can sometimes even get triggered just being in proximity to ppl bc like. even the possibility sets me on fucking edge#it would be nice to be as physically affectionate as i naturally want to be without dealing w my fight/flight/freeze but alas#its weird bc there are some random situations where it doesnt get triggered at all but its so unpredictable every time#and varies wildly person to person for seemingly no reason. there r strangers im innately more comfortable with but also friends ive known#for years and will never be comfortable around. i think part of that depends on how strongly the other person communicates and whether-#i feel as if theyre demonstrably able to respect boundaries not just mine but their own too + understand theyre not always fixed#ideally i need to have had this conversation with them so i Know they understand. which is rly difficult i find it so hard to admit#and i have a complicated mental block where i need the other person to naturally bring it up which very very rarely ever happens#idk just an atmosphere of safety yknow. i think its intentional touch that specifically makes me panic bc im usually fine w like-#bustling crowds or even expected social rules like handshakes at interviews. bc its not like they're Trying To Touch Me its just rote idk#hopefully eventually ill reach a place where im able to unpack it and reduce its severity bc man sometimes its fucking heartbreaking to me#bc i do genuinely really like physical contact im an incredibly physical person its my main way of interacting w the world#and the way having to force myself to avoid it meshes w my rsd too augh.... its a clusterfuck#even just having one person im completely comfortable with. maaaaan.#almost makes me miss my ex. at least i was mostly cool around them#god its sucked lately ive been having weird vivid dreams related to it. but whatever its so far down my list of problems to prioritize#and at least i dont get it w my familys dog so i can cuddle her :^) i miss her i cant wait to see her next month :D#anywayyyy thats enough im so tired goodnight every1...#.diaries
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Realized it’s been over a year since I last drew him and couldn’t stand by that
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#seth my beloved <3#fun fact! he’s very likely my oldest currently used oc#I’m pretty sure I made the rest of the magic cat world for him and if that’s true then he’s at least older than the magic cat world#and he’s also older than eternal gales so that’s another batch of main ocs that he is older than#the only real competition is lace since she’s also super old but alas I have no way of knowing how old she is#she could easily be older than seth but even if she is she’s only been like a real oc for the past few months lol#she was originally just another one off story concept I was obsessed with for like a month and then kinda dropped#I say kinda because she’s probably the only story from that era that managed to resurface every now and then#like it is legitimately quite impressive that she’s from that era and yet managed to be named and remembered for years to come#like I need to make clear I did not name characters very often back then and when I did I usually forgot their names within the day#my memory Sucked back then even more so than it does now#the fact that I can remember as much as I do abt lace in her original form is baffling to me#but still she did go into slumber for like 4-7 years so she doesn’t have the history that seth has to me#the biggest thing I mourn is that I don’t have the original art of seth anymore and haven’t for years#I originally got him from a scratch dta and the host project has been deleted#chances are the original designer doesn’t have the original drawing anymore either 😔#I probably had it downloaded on my school laptop at the time but I obviously can’t access that anymore#idk maybe I imported it onto one of the other projects I drew seth in#I should go look later just to make sure even tho I’m pretty sure they won’t be there
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something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.
#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love#what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it#why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties#of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often#so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk#and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore#i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them#. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec#but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd#but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE.#OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL.#and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness#but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart.#this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it#that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too#and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch#now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it.#because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do#something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope#and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude#this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post#ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting#all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever
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utena, man.
#crow talks#rgu#i think im gonna take a break before i watch the movie and revue starlight#just. maybe two days? idk.#i have no idea how i feel abt it.#ig i feel relieved that anthy's ok.#also chu chu#but. everything else idk.#i have no idea how i feel other than sadness abt the fact that i finished it.#my crying was so bad btw#i had snot all over my hands bc of me trying to wipe them away#i got a tissue later dw#should've got some ready but alas i did not think of that#i might rewatch it one day.#dont know when but i know i want to watch it again#now knowing everything rewatching it will probably be an Experience for sure#but for now im gonna take a break then watch the movie then FINALLY revue starlight#cant wait to find out what happens there!!!
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saw(lol) the second Saw-game at this little place that sometimes opens and sells games and movies and music etc and i seriously almost bought it even though i've heard from pm everyone that it's shit. that's it that's how far gone i am in this hole
#saw#i only have like 4 xbox 360-games in my Epic Collection okay. i need to expand it at least a little bit#also because playing a game that's shitty could be fun.... we'll see if i buy it next time i see it somewhere lmao#and on the other side of the quality-spectrum they ALSO had SH1!!!#wanted to buy it so bad but alas i needed to think abt my funds#bc that one (among some other classics) was in the 'expensive section' lol#the guy sold it for 700 sek which NORMALLY wouldn't be totally out of the question for me to buy... /normally/#and also idk if he himself had playtested it all the way through apart from checking that the disc worked#i'll keep biding my time#(did anyone ask about this little happening in my life? no! but you got it anyway)
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did u know that nowhere on. the loser plush's tag or packaging do we see cake and literally on the fucking tag its just a random assortment of characters
like who the fuck is this
#SORRY sorry every time i. think abt them too hard i remember this detail and it makes me mad#why do they hate true love#THEY DIDNT EVEN FUCKING. PUT LOSERS TEAM ON HERE TOO LIKE. WHAT#on fireys tag they had leafy. coiny. n gelatin which MAKES SENSE#and on markers tag it was death pact again#idk how it is on the other plushies since obviously i dont have a lot of them#BUT AT LEAST W THE OTHER ONES I HAVE THE CHARACTER CHOICES MAKE SENSE#forthe most part#i think on markers packaging the character choices were also kinda random#and alas i dont have fireys bag anymore so i cant judge that one#ITS JUST. hrm idk wired#im rambling too much in the tags im sorry HELLO#.txt
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fry, bender and leela are in a codependent polyamorous relationship
#im watching futurama for the first time and i love how fucking stupid they are❤️#i love the mess and disasterness of their relationship#i need fan fiction of them being fucking unhealthy and obsessed with each other#im only on season 3 rn#one of my mutuals writes abt poly/unhealthy relationships SO well i would love their take on them but alas. i am not talking to them and idk#if theyve even watched it or care#anyway...#andrew posts
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