#and walter is just being walter but also kind of having his own lil everything sinking in crisis but like hes. attempting to cope. ish.

[chisatowo]

Rotates Wendy gender moments in my head at rapid speeds

[anurapoda]

Orginal Character Masterlist

Hi, fun fact about me: I mainly write orginal works with orginal characters. Despite this everything on this account is very fanfic focused... I want to change that!

This is a masterlist of orginal characters I am actively using. This is not every orginal character I have, as there are a few I'm just not invested in outside of specific roleplays. Those ocs will be excluded.

For the sake organization these ocs will fall under three sections, orginal characters, dungeons and dragons ocs, and minecraft ocs.

PLEASE SEND ME ASKS ABOUT MY ORGINAL CHARACTERS

Anyway, ocs are below the cut and will include their name(s) and basic background.

Orginal Characters

*Anura (She/They/He) - This is just my online sona, she is different from oc!Anura who will appear later in the list. persona!Anura is a shapeshifter who can take any form she wishes with no restrictions, her most common form is with feathered wings and some kind of horns - thought it depends on how I'm feeling *turns into catgirl*

Usha (She/Her) - My oldest orginal character, Usha comes from an old god roleplay based off of a webcomic I read back in 2017. She's the goddess of Death, may have destroyed 80% of the world that one time, and has a son named Insanity who is @fizzello character!

Constance (She/Her) - My second oldest orginal character, she orginally went by a different name and was considerably younger. I took the main themes of her old character and made Constance, a medium from the 1860's who's heavily indoctrnated and falls in love with a white boy.

Walter (He/Him) - The white boy Constance falls for. He is a newer orginal character who has gone through a lot of revisions, at first he had fire powers! Now he's just a redhead in the 1860's who's a cop with a politician as a father. Also he may be cis and straight but in modern day this bitch is a femboy.

Annette (She/Her) - I keep saying I'll flesh her out but I haven't. She's dead, Constance and Walter need to solve her murder. Annette is not her real name, I forget her real name, it's in a book somewhere. Annette exists.

Solstice (She/They) - My lil vampire baby, I love her. @fizzello character kidnapped her but that's ok because they're gonna fall in love! She's super new and I haven't used her much, I'm just in love with her as a whole. Think high school mean girl obsessed with her looks but she's actually really nice (unless if you've kidnapped her)

Dungeons & Dragons OCs

Robin (She/They) - My first DnD oc who I made in 2021 I believe? I gave her all my trauma. Abusive mom? Check. Brother who she has complicated feelings for because she feels betrayed? Check. Lesbian cat moms? Ok so I don't have those but that's besides the point.

Ceana (She/They) - I love Ceana. You can take her from my cold dead hands. Her parents are dead, she's a single mom who works two jobs to support her 7 brothers, there's other stuff I can't say here cause @fizzello is gonna see this and they're in the campaign she's an NPC for, but just know I will tell you about it if you send me an ask.

Nephilia (She/They) - I LITERALLY CANNOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HER BECAUSE OF @fizzello BEING HERE. But I am so gay for her. She's a villain and that makes her 10x hotter. She's also a spider!! She has many arms to hug me :)

The Queen and Princess - Once again, cannot say anything about these guys cause of @fizzello. Please ask me about them though. I need to scream about them.

Minecraft OCs

*Anura ( She/They/He) - Listen, I know she's identical to my online persona. But her lore is different! She's made entirely of void, can shapeshift, and feeds off of player code. Also, she's not a player!

Azelea (She/They) - The twin of @blood-smith character Berry, Azelea works in Decked out as a medic and landscaper and owns her own bakery called the Lush Cafe! Oh also she's a mooshroom hybrid who will fight you if you pick on her sibling.

Ayaan (She/They) - A wallcreeper bird hybrid! She's orginally from an anarchy server and has a found family with @cr0w-covered0n-m0ss and @chara--system characters. Her dream is to be a server admin, though she kinda put that dream aside to be of us to her family.

Aria (She/Her) - My newest oc, she's a demon hybrid who has a found family with @z-alien-boi character. She's grieving the loss of her brother and working to let Z's character enjoy their youth - something she's never been able to do.

*When discussing Anura I will use either person!Anura or oc!Anura to indicate which one I am discussing. If I do not include the prefix, assume I am discussing oc!Anura.

----

That's all the orginal characters I'm invested in at the moment, I'll try to update this as that changes. I always love talking about my ocs so please send me asks about them, and I'll try to write orginal stories for them again soon and post them here...

[knight-queen]

Lunatic Parade Yuma Mukami –(Chapter 3)

[Chapter O 1]  [Chapter 2]  [Chapter 3]  [Chapter 4]  [Final]

一

Place: ???

Yui: (Nh...this place is…?)

???: Oh, we’ve met again huh.

Yui: (This voice...I’ve heard it before, I think…)

???: How are you feeling?...Looks like you get back your heart?

Yui: Kh! You, no way...Earl Walter?

???: Haha, you remembered me as you should.

???: More importantly, what’d you say? You want me to explain everything, don’t you?

Yui: This place is...tough one. I think I’m still carrying that stone within me….explain it slowly ー

???: Slowly? Haah...I am not willing to.

Yui: Eh…?

???: Isn’t that fine? Isn’t it important to get back the heart also for him?

Yui: Him...about Yuma kun?

???: That’s right. He also looks like suffering, it means he’s thinking about your feelings over anything.

???: He is the only one who’s trying to get back that fascinating heart...weird right?

Yui: (Heart...for that, just the taste of my blood has changed)

(But he said that he doesn’t care about the...taste.)

Yui: Yuma kun isn’t like you. He said that my heart has nothing to do with this.

???: Oh my, oh my...looks like you haven’t understood anything. ….Didn’t he treat you well?

Yui: Eh?

???: Those words are just lies, just for putting at ease, he said that….You are aware of the truth, aren't you?

Yui: Kh...Such…

Yui: (That’s true...for vampires. Taste of blood is most important to them.)

(He was trying to get back different thing rather than my heart, yet he’s dating with me)

(But what is he really thinking? Could it be, all he’s doing just for making me relieved…)

………

???: He is a vampire after all. It’s something that can’t be ignored, right?

*BG black*

Yui: (How selfish. He was being kind kind and sweet just for this)

I was able to think of anything around me only because of Yuma kun and yet…!

*Gets up from the sleep*

Place: Place: ホテル•モーントシュタイン  客室 / Hotel • Mortstein  Guest room

Yui: Nh...it was just, a dream…?

(It was certainly an awful dream...huh?)

Yuma kun...?

(He’s gone...He was here before I fell asleep for sure)

(Did he go somewhere all by himself…!)

*gets up from the bed*

Yuma kun...where did you go?

*Door opens*

Yui: Yuma kun!?

*Hugs Yuma*

Yuma: Oiii!! Don’t scare me outta nowhere!!

Yui: Ah...sorry…

Yuma: What’s wrong?

Yui: Because, you weren’t here when I got up, I was scared and…

Yuma: Aah, my bad. I was out for a moment to buy it.

Yui: Is that...a seedling?

Yuma: Vegetables! There’re seeds too!

That demon world’s strawberry of that cake! I want to grow, y’ know.

Yuma: The fertilizer was outta stock so I gotta wait until they release ‘gain...well, it can’t be helped.

Yui: I see…

(It’s a relief that he didn’t go anywhere…)

Yuma: ...What’s wrong with ya’? Thinking that you suddenly jumped towards me and now you’re being gloomy...You’re tired or disappointed ‘bout something?

Yui: No, I’m fine.

Yuma: Heeh? Well, it’s fine. First of all….

*Yuma kisses Yui*

Yuma: Nh...Calm down ‘kay?

Yui: Kh! ...I am!

Yuma: Hm? But I don’t think so. Kukuh...shall I experiment it a lil’ bit more?

Yui: Eh?

Yuma: Is it find ‘rround ‘ere...tch. I haven’t bite for a while so the marks disappeared.

Kukuh...stay still?

Yui: …...mhm

Yuma: You are being obedient today...that’s fine, ‘re I go...Haa-

Yui: Kh…!

Yuma: ………

Yui: (Yuma kun…?)

I knew I’d stop...I remembered my hands were messed with soil.

Yui: Eh…?

*Yuma backs off*

Yuma: Kukuh, sorry. There’s mud in your hair so come and have a shower.

Yui: Already...I understand. I’m coming.

Place: ホテル・モーントシュタイン  バスルーム / Bathroom of Mortstein Hotel

Yui: (Phew, is it fine now?)

*Turns off the shower*

Yui: (More than that...earlier, was Yuma kun being patient for my blood)

(It means my blood has lost it’s delicious taste...for sure)

(Yuma Kun...has always been caring and kind. But as a return, what am I doing?)

(Me who has now worthless blood, can’t do anything)

(At this rate, may be he will start hating me)

(I can’t...allow it…)

(I must get back my heart. However, for getting back…)

(What can I do)

Place: 山中 / Mountain

Yui: (As he said, I ascenden in this mountain road but...it’s getting so hard that I might get out of breath.)

Yuma: Oi, are ya ‘kay?

Yui: Fine…

Yuma: If it’s getting impossible, then say it soon. It’s only you, I can carry y’ easily.

Yui: No, it’s fine. I can walk all the way.

Yuma: Aah? Then, it’s fine though…

Yui: (I have to at least walk by myself, I can’t be a burden to him)

Yuma: By the way, I didn’t imagine that I could get to know about a rare thing at the garden shop.

Yuma: They said, there can be treasure in the abandoned mine...I’m very excited!

Yui: Yes...very exciting

Yuma: ...Oi idiot, you’re not interested at all!

Yui: Kh….no,it’s not like that. Sorry, I was a little thirsty.

Yuma: Damn, you’re hopeless. Wait a lil’ I’m going to bring water from that spring.

Yui: Yes, I am coming too.

Yuma: You’re dog-tired, so it would be fine.

Yui: No

(I should so things that can be done by my own...little by little)

Yuma: ….damn, I’ve no clue ‘bout your thoughts but, don’t stretch out your feet.

Place: Mining area / 鉱山跡地

Yui: (Uuh…I’m not tired anymore but, no one is there, very weird.)

Yuma: Kuku...what’s up, sow. Are ya afraiding?

Yui: Because, this place is very creepy…

Yuma: Ah, that’s cuz in the past, there was a big accident here. 

Everyone was buried alive...since then, they used to come out!

Yui: Come out...no way….

Yuma: That ‘now way’. Of course ghosts,y’know?

Yui: Stop! I was already scared and…

Yuma: Haah? You, you’re walking, having a ghost in front of you, so it’s unexpected for you to be scared!

Yui: In front of me...there’s nothing.

Yuma: Idiot...there’s a vampire who’s having fun scaring a human woman.

Yui: ...Yuma kun is not a ghost.

Yuma: That’s true, but from your place, it's the same thing, right? 

Yui: Not at all! I am not scared of you or something.

(Completely different...you are affectionate.)

Yuma: Thank you.

In this connection, the thing we’re searching is pretty much the same, y’know?

Yui: Eh...really?

Yuma: Yup! In the depth of this mine, there’s a dragon-nest or something, there’s a rare thing out there!

Yui: But the dragon will be there, right…

(All I’m experiencing is all about legend things...as you expect from demon world)

*Yuma disappeared*

(Ghosts or dragon, which one is creepiest...I haven’t seen them so I can’t have any guess)

Neh, Yuma kun, do you ーー

(Huh? He’s not here...but I far I can see, I should be a straight road)

(Could it be he’s hiding something to make me surprise)

Yuma kun…?

Stop already...Yuma kun!

……

(Huh? …...He’s really not there?)

Yuma kun, where? Hey!

(What should I do...preceding alone is dangerous. And also I can’t just recklessly go back and stray from here)

(But I’m fearing to be here, in this gloomy place…!)

(Anyway, to get distracted from this, let’s walk slowly)

*After sometimes*

Yui: Yuma kun…? Hey, Yuma kun…!

Please...response…!

*Stones fall*

Yui: kh!!

(I- I was scared…)

(Where did he go…?)

Yuma kun...I’m scared…

*Another sound*

Yui: kh!!

Yuma: Here!!

Yui: Kyaーーーah!!

*Screen shakes*

Yuma: Hey...why are y’ screaming like this! Kch, my ears hurt…

Yui: (I was scared…!)

Selection ー

→ Get angry (+ correct)

→ Get relieved

Yui: Same to you, threatening me like this is awful!

Yuma: Oi, oi, getting angry like this, why?

Yui: Because...you were gone and I was all alone...it was creepy…

Yuma: Yeah, I saw you trembling. When you’re calling my name, I wanted to scare you wishing good luck.

*Yuma hugs Yui*

Yuma: You’re the one who’s bad for doing cute things.

Yui: …! *blushing*

*Yuma kisses Yui*

Yuma: I won’t go anywhere...nh

Yui: (It won’t work. I’m relieved but at the same time...tears are…)

Yuma: Aah...my bad, don’t cry. I saw something shining in the dark, so I thought to stop by there.

Look.

Yui: (I see it glows rough pale in his palm and so beautiful…)

What can it be…?

Yuma: Who knows. Maybe Ruki could tell the name at one shot, but if it’s me, I can’t.

But, you like it don’t you?

Yui: Yes, it’s so pretty.

Yuma: Then I’ll give it.

Yui: Is that okay?

Yuma: There won’t be a result even if you say you don’t want to. Take it at once!

Yui: ….Thank you. I’ll treasure it.

Yuma: kukuh...If we get outta this mine, maybe we can find this stone a really ordinary one?

Yui: That will be fine too….I am so happy. *blushes*

Yuma: I see...Let’s walk on.

Yui: (He’s so kind...I couldn’t do anything at all)

(I knew...I’m just a burden)

Yuma: Kch!? That is……?

Yui: Hm? What’s wro—

*Yuma covers her mouth*

Yui: (He suddenly blocked my mouth…!)

Yuma: Be quiet...I can sense something

Yui: (Eh? ...He’s pointing on a hole)

Yuma: Definitely this one...there’s rare things here.

Yui: Eh? How can you be so sure?

Yuma: Hm? You can’ see it huh? It’s risky, so you wait ‘re.

Yui: Yes…

*After a moment*

Yui: (While he was searching, he went into the hole but, Yuma kun, I hope you are okay)

(Dragons must be pretty giant...I am worried)

*Foot steps*

Yuma: I made y’ wait! I get the treasure!

Yui: Treasure….what’s that?

(It’s a little large, and curved oval. Could it be…)

Yuma: Very surprising, right? It’s a dragon’s egg!!

Yui: Dragon’s!?

Yuma: Yup!

Yui: I- it wasn’t good...wasn’t there it’s mother?

Yuma: Well, there was. But it’s fine since there were so many eggs out there.

Yui: But...it’s sad. As I thought, you should give up on this

Yuma: Aah? I got it with so much trouble, now you’re saying to give up on it?

Yui: Because…

(However, if Earl gets interested in this egg, he may give back my heart.)

(If everything goes well, then we may also get that cake…)

Yuma: Oi, stop spacing out. Anyway, let’s pull this thing.

Yui: Y- yes.

(What should we do...but at this rate, we won’t get a second chance to get such rare thing)

(Mom of the dragon...sorry…)

*They walk*

Yuma: haahー ! That was surprisingly easy!

Yui: Yes!

*BGM stops*

(Above all, it’s good that we’ve come this far safely)

*Wind*

Yui: Kyaa!

Yuma: Woo! Oops...No good...I was close dropping the egg …

Yui: Hey, what kind of sound that was.

Yuma: No clue…

*Sound*

Yui: (Again…? It’s kinda suspicious)

Yuma: Oi, somehow I’ve bad feelings ‘bout it.

Yui: Yes…

*Soaring*

Yui: Eh...this sound…

(Don’t tell me it's the dragon…?)

*Soaring*

Yuma: It’s flying...but not a dragon. An eagle?

Yui: Looks like it’s facing here and approaching this way.

Yuma: Ah, so... was it a giant eagle’s egg instead of a dragon?

Yui: Eeeh!? That means…

(We’re the...prey!?)

Yuma: First of all, get outta ‘re!! Run!!

*They run*

*After a while*

Yui: Tc...Haa, Yuma kun...I can't run anymore…!

Yuma: Are you ‘kay! It’s cuz I’m holding this egg...shit!

Yui: (I...can’t…!)

Yuma: Kch...Yui! Let’s get out using that.

Yui: Eh? Using this...minecart? Will it move?

Yuma: We ain’t know until we try! Let’s hurry!

Yui: (Anyway, we must have to ride it…!)

Game 

(Words Yuma used in the game) ー

“Let’s start!”

“You’re doing best”

“No use”

“Looks like game’s over”

“As a gift for doing great ー I’ll give you sugar-chan”

Fades to CG (If you win) ー

Yuma: Yaay! You did great, Yui!

Yui: (I’m glad...with this, we may run away)

Yuma: I wondered what’d happen ‘cuz the way it was shaking but, the egg is also safe!

Yui: Really? That’s great…

Yuma: Of course! And it raised my tension more than any other rides of the amusement park!

Super speed and I was feeling dizzy and also the changing patterns of the landscape….perfect adventure! It was fun!

I wanted to scream every time the cart swayed up and down y’know...if possible, I’d like to ride one more!

Anyway, it went pretty well. You did effort with all your might, so come ‘re!

*CG changed  as he hugs*

Yui: Kyaa…!

Yuma: As I thought, a woman who does it, when she has to do it. I also like it...the courage you’re holding inside you.

Yui: Is that...praise?

Yuma: Of course! You’re the best...as expected.

Yui: Same for you...To me...you are just too good.

Yuma: Kukuh...you’re just saying cute things…

Don’t show your indolent nature on the outside that much. Or you can't do your best, right?

Yui: Kch...enough already!

(More than anything, I’m glad that we two are safe)

Place: Front of Mine Entrance / 鉱山跡地入口前

Yuma: Then, we managed to get the egg but...how can we lure out that Earl?

Our weakness is that we don’t know his location...what should we do.

*Soaring*

Yui: Eh...this sound…!?

*Soaring*

Yuma: Tch, it was still chasing after us! Let's escape!!

Yui: (The eagle is roaring...looks really angry)

(But it’s obvious...that was her precious egg after all)

(To the mom of that eagle, her child’s life is….uuuh, more important than my life, right?)

Yuma: Yui! Don’t space out!

*Soaring*

Yui: (Really, is it okay to escape like this? She’s roaring with such a sad voice...escaping like…)

(I can’t do it)

Yuma kun, let’s hand this egg to it’s mom.

Aah? What are ya’ saying so suddenly!

All of your efforts will become worthless like water but...I can’t…!

Yuma: ...You, are you saying seriously?

Yui: Yes...I’m really sorry.

But as I thought, I just can’t steal the egg from it’s mom.

If I would be in that mother’s place, I am sure I couldn’t endure it…!

Yuma: ….Haah, gotcha, do whatever ya’ want.

Yui: Yes, ...this egg, I will return it to her.

Yuma: Yeah.

*Soaring*

Yui: (Kh...I am scared…! But, I’m sure it will get more creepy if we hesitate to give it back)

Mother giant-eagle, we’re sorry! I...I was just being selfish.

We’ll give back your child so...take it!

*Soaring*

(Lift up as much as possible...rise up so high that you can reach the sky…!)

*Flying*

Ah…

(She skillfully grasped the egg and…)

Flies away….

Yuma: Haa….

Yui: (It should be fine)

Yuma: ...We’re going back. 

Yui: Yes…

Place: Rubean Lake / ルビーン 運河

Yui: (I’m glad that we’ve reached the gondola and descended from the mountain safely...but)

Yuma: ……..

(It’s not strange to get him angry. I was….just acting on my will…)

(This time too, he’s really disgusted for all of these)

(....What have I done.)

Yuma: ...Oi

Yui: Hm?

Yuma: Look around a little more….It’s Gondola, we may not get a second chance to ride it.

| Gondola is a kind of boat for riding a lake or something. Click here for more!

Yui: (No second chance….I see. It’s a nice view, it’s somehow natural for me to lost interest for everything)

(But...if I really want to feel, it’s just too painful….!)

Yuma: Haah...damn, don’t just finish all by yourself!

Yui: Eh?

*He gets closer*

Yuma: Honestly, you’re a good-natured person...I’d enough of that.

Yui: Yes…

Yuma: So...I’ll do it!!

*Screen shaked*

Yui: Kyaa….stop...kch!

Yuma: No, I aiiin’t. It’s yer punishment! Haa!

*Screen shaked*

Yui: Kch...Yuma kun, my hair will get messed up…!

Yuma: Aah? I don’t care….It’s ‘cuz I like any kind of you.

Yui: Eh…?

Yuma: To be honest, when ya’ said to return that egg, I knew it’s gonn’ be happen.

Yui: Is that so?

Yuma: Yeah...well, it did get me mad. However, if y’ wanted to hold back then you should do it a little before!

Yui: I’m sorry. But I was…!

Yuma: Aah, if it’s you then I obviously know what it's ‘bout! ...You’re actions were...weird.

Yui: ...I thought you will hate me who has lost her heart…

Yuma kun, even though you said that you don’t care about the taste of my blood…!

*Yuma touches her cheek*

Yuma: Ya’re really stupid. No way I’ll hate you for such things.

But...sorry for making ya worried.

Yui: No, you’re fine. It was me who ー

Yuma: No need to say needless words...nh…*kisses*

Yui: Nn….

Yuma: Be silent...don’t think of anything. Got it?

Yui: ...yes…

Yuma: Good girl...nh…*kiss*

(About Yuma kun...I should have believe his words more)

Yui: ( I can’t get confused about the man in just a dream, who’s the closest and...always staying by my side.)

(But I won’t get puzzled anymore. I’ll trust the arms which are wrapped around me and...the person who is always being kind to me)

(Yuma kun...thank you so much) 

The End of Chapter O3 ー

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey

I know next to nothing about Harley Quinn. I didn’t really grow up with Batman: The Animated Series, and I certainly didn’t see Suicide Squad because I don’t hate myself but I DO hate method actors who use playing dark and disturbed characters as an excuse to treat the real people around them like shit! But I knew from the first trailer that I would probably be on board with this version of Joker’s ex-partner in crime because Margot Robbie is just a goddamn delight and because it’s about a diverse group of women just like...kicking ass, dude. Also a lot of the time they’re wearing leather and spandex. I’M ONLY HUMAN. Given Harley’s somewhat checkered past in terms of empowering characterization, I was certainly curious about which version we would ultimately get here. Would this be the lovesick domestic violence victim, little more than the Joker’s sidekick? Would this be the unhinged sociopath, just as hellbent on violence and chaos as her boyfriend? Would this be the silly, sassy femme fatale who does what she wants and just has a ton of fun doing it? Well...

A mix of all three, really, and in trying to have their cake and eat it too, DC has managed to create a version of Harley Quinn that’s nuanced, complicated, and the kind of character that could anchor her own prestige cable drama for 5 seasons if women were allowed to do that. The basic plot is simple: Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) and the Joker have broken up, and without his protection, there are a BUNCH of people in Gotham City who really want her dead, but none more than Roman Sionis (Ewan McGregor). Meanwhile, Roman’s trying to get his hands on this really big diamond that’s been stolen by a scrappy lil pickpocket named Cassandra Cain (Ella Jay Basco, who holds her own against these other powerhouse actresses with aplomb). Basically everyone else in the movie is either trying to find Harley or find Cassandra and by the time they all come together in the last act of the movie, everyone’s just trying to prevent Roman from blowing everyone the fuck up. 

Some thoughts:

First of all, I had a great fucking time. The colors, the chaotic energy, the pure FUN of the whole thing is intoxicating. Cathy Yan’s direction and Christina Hodson’s rollicking good time of a script combine to form something that’s just a bomb ass time at the movies. 

I feel like it goes without saying, but Margot Robbie owns every second that she’s on screen. She’s equal parts merry and mayhem, and she does bad things sometimes. But you still root for her, you can’t help it. Robbie is magnetic - you cannot take your eyes off her, even if you want to, and she imbues Harley with so much pathos and growth in spite of her less than savory actions that she could kick both Don Draper and Walter White’s ass no problem.  

Ewan McGregor’s American accent isn’t great, but honestly, he’s having a great fucking time too so I don’t mind it so much.

The costuming is FANTASTIC. I am shouting out the film’s costume designer, Erin Benach, SO HARD here because she did an incredible job. Every single character’s outfits are unique and perfectly perfect for their personality and arc. Roman is all velvet blazers with no shirt and leather gloves and Black Canary (Jurnee Smollett-Bell, who I have loved since Friday Night Lights and I love even MORE now because she did all her own singing in this and is just so good) wears the most incredible sultry-lounge-singer-with-a-Pam-Grier-throwback-vibe gold and black ensembles. Most of all, I love that Harley’s outfits are revealing - slutty even - without feeling gross or exploitative. They’re slutty in a way women like, which is so refreshing I could cry. 

I really enjoyed the soundtrack and score as well. There’s some Heart, Joan Jett, and Kesha going on, but there’s also a fire Megan Thee Stallion and Normani track over the credits. And the score is effective but not invasive, which I always appreciate.

Speaking of the credits, there is not a post-credits scene exactly but there is a little easter egg of a joke that was worth staying for!

Everything about this movie reveals a thoughtfulness and engagement with the female characters that unfortunately just doesn’t happen that often in films created by and for men. You know how I know this film allowed women to be in the rooms where the decisions happen? Because Harley and her frenemies are sexy but not overtly sexualized; every single woman in this movie has her own arc and character growth; they’re strong without being forced into the Strong Female Character archetype; and the camera frames their faces rather than their tits. 

I love Bruce the hyena so much because he is perfect and has never done anything wrong in his whole life. 

For as gay as this movie is, I am pleased to report that it is also ACTUALLY GAY because there are lesbian characters in it! Renee Montoya (Rosie Perez, taking NO SHIT) and Ellen Yee (Ali Wong) are ex-girlfriends! Who are specifically named as lesbians! Imagine! The novelty!

There is a brief scene of sexual humiliation that is deeply uncomfortable to watch, but you know how I know it was directed by a woman? Because the scene is brief but impactful, it is meant to showcase how evil Roman is, and the way the scene is shot we are forced to focus on the woman’s face or her knees rather than her bra and underwear. 

I confess, I had to laugh when Roman finally put on his big evil character mask because he looks like an evil luchador.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead is so hot as Huntress that I thought I was going to dehydrate myself into a coma while watching this movie. Her lack of people skills only made me love her more. Between this and Ramona Flowers, MEW is the gift that keeps on giving to ladygays of my generation.

I just feel like I can’t stress enough how much I loved all the moments that were included in this film because women were the ones creating it. Harley offers Black Canary a hair tie in the middle of a fight scene and I felt like my heart grew three sizes in that moment, which was so simple and funny and perfect.

For an R-rated comic book movie, it’s shockingly not very bloody. I was expecting cartoonish levels of Deadpool-style gore, but really the only R-rated thing the film showcases is naughty language. There’s certainly violence, but again, it doesn’t feel gross or exploitative.

Did I Cry? No, I was having too much fun!

Each of these women ultimately save themselves from their own circumstances - be it an abusive relationship, a shitty job, a mission of vengeance, or just being held in the clutches of a madman. I cannot recommend this movie enough for its sheer joy at its own existence and every thoughtful choice that was made behind and in front of the camera to tell a story about women that can compete with the big boys. 

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[sleepymouses]

tagged by @littlepetbee, thank uuuu <3 i spent way too long thinking about htis lol,

Rules: pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions, tag a bunch o ppls to do it too (if y’all want to, supes no pressure or anything!)

Natsume yuujinchou  (a teenage orphan who sees spirits/monsters sets out to free the spirits who were bound in magical contract by his grandmother after he inherits a powerful book, aided primarily by a spirit who appears as an exasperated fat cat (who is just as fun as he sounds). Titular character is like my Fave boy in the whole world, he’s so kind and soft despite all the hardships he’s faced, the series has very gentle pacing/character development, and each episode is a carefully crafted lil story that have often moved me to tears, chuckles, or outright chinhands of fondness as u watch natsume slowly find a home in the world and amongst the humans &spirits around him. big focus on friendships, there’s like no romance with any of the main characters, lots of cool different creatures (most of whom arent all that scary once u get to know them), its just literally everything i could ever dream for in a show and it exists! <3)

Leverage (team of modern day robin hoods ruin rich peoples’ lives via  delightfully crafted spy cons to give back to the regular folks the rich people hurt. Extremely good, strong found family vibes, and v cathartic)

Brooklyn 99 (follows diverse cast of character who make up a NY precinct. Hilarious, immensely wholesome & groundbreaking, & probs the most lighthearted crime show besides like psych tbh)

Blackspot/Zone Blanche (spoopy french/belgium crime series set in a small village way out in the mountains surrounded by misty, mysterious and murdery woods. eerie and atmospheric, but also like one of my fave characters (everyone calls him teddy bear) keeps a pet guinea pig at work, so it’s not entirely grim and bleak)

Longmire (a modern western crime drama centering around the titular sheriff and others in their small town wyoming county, well written and lot of chracter development revealed alongside some really good case mysteries bc i love trying to figure out whodunits apparently based on a book series well adored by dads btw)

who is your favorite character in 2? (leverage) ahhh,,, this is hard... Eliot maybe? like Hardison is baby ofc, but i relate to elliot a ton (i think if i was on a team i would want to be the hitter tbh?) and love the subversion of so many action hero tropes that he is, also endlessly amused by how very put upon he is despite all his rad/random skills

who is your least favorite character in 1? (natsume yuujinchou) oh seiji matoba for sure, he can go eat a mouldy tree stump. absolutely evil nasty dude

what is your favorite episode of 4? (blackspot) the end of the road. great opening, didnt end up too devastating unlike a lot of the cases, Hermann was gr8, cool twist i hadnt super expected in the plot which was neat.

what is your favorite season of 5? (longmire) probs 1, walter reeally started to piss me off being Such A Man in later seasons, also me being extremely anxious about Henry and his life choices later, that creepy stalker storyline starting up with Someone and when Someone else in the main cast got died really suddenly and upsettingly later on as well, also when a weird relationship started between some of the characters that i really aint feeling so. before all that happened was nice (also sorry if this is super vague, im trying to avoid spoilers)

who is your favorite couple in 3? (B99) Besides Jake/Amy and Holt/Kevin (bc oviously theyre gr8) uh.. i know it was a long time ago and didnt last very long, but i thought rosa and marcus were really sweet? it brought another layer out to her character, even when they broke up that helped rosa starting to show emotional vulnerability and all, even tho it ended it was still just, idk, i liked them.

who is your favorite couple in 2? (leverage) Does trio count, cos Parker/Eliot/Harding 4 life yo

what is your favorite episode of 1? (natsume yujinchou) i have sooo many faves ahhh!!! i dont think i could pick just one on pain of death, every episode is acrefully cosntructed gem all on its own and i have too many that i love and adore to pick jsut one :((

what is your favorite episode of 5? (longmire) Dog soldier!! ive rewatched that one a ton, so so many good bits, really satisfying resolution of the case despite the shitty system that was revealed, and i rmr getting chills by the end the first time i saw it.

what is your favorite season of 2? (leverage) i guess season 1? just, idk, everything being set up and watching all these grumpies/less grumpies who have no plans to stay together start working together as a baby team, and just the joy of seeing their first heist together with the first plot twist, just.. such a delight, but all seasons that ive seen so far were all excellent, it’s a stellar show

how long have you watched 1? (natsume yujinchou) oh idk exactly, like years and years man... defs the longest out of all on this list

how did you become interested in 3? (b99) i think it was just on netflix way back in season 1 and i started watching it, loved it and never stopped? i think that might have even been before it got rlly popular lol

who is your favorite actor in 4? (blackspot) i dont rlly know any of these french peeps? but teddybear’s one of my fave characters, so hopefully the person who plays him is also cool, in which case hubert delattre (if not, Suliane Brahim does a v good job as the lead)

which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5? (natsume yujinchou, leverage or longmire) um... real torn between natsume and leverage here, they’re both such lovely gems that do found family so, so well.. leverage is a team of modern robin hood-esque spies with brilliant writing and exciting heists and multiple delightful plot twists every episode and great character building and so much catharticism in ruining evil rich peoples lives.

but natsume’s title character is one of my very favorite characters ever, hes been through so much but he becomes the most kindest and thoughtful boy ever, and its so, so soft and gentle in its development of characters and their slow build of getting to know each other and becoming friends, and the interactions with the paranormal world are very rarely entirely malicious/scary, and there’s pretty well no romance, at least like no romance for plot/with the main characters anyways, and there’s lots of female characters who have important roles but arent sexualized/killed off for man feels/exist for romo (which sadly cannot be said about a lot of media, especially manga/anime tbh, even leverage does not win entirely on that front).. its defintiely my favorite anime ever (i dont watch loads, but literally no other one can ever come close to topping its perfection),

i guess tho, leverage is over, and natsume is still technically ongoing, so i guess for that then i have to go with natsume?

which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3? (natsume yuujinchou or b99) Natsume for sure, they’re so short its easy to power thru like half a season in an afternoon

if you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? (blackspot) i would probably want to be someone who didnt live in villefranche actually haha uh, it’s a pretty spoopity place.. even some of the characters i do like make some Bad decisions that are v bothersome. Dr. Leila barami seems to have a good head on her shoulders tho, so if i Must be a character here then let’s go with her

would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? (b99 or blackspot) oh god... the cheery upbeat department at the 99 meet up with a grim, misty tiny mountain forest village with bleak day to day life, solving crimes amidst small town paranoia and weird maybe cult-related conspiracies and honestbhly something/s paranormal and menacing going on in the woods?? i just... cant see any of the characters even interacting lol, im just picturing jake’s confused befuddled face when he hears something weird but like x 10000

pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple? (natsume yujinchou) hm... i mean, one of the things i love about Natsume is that there arent really any romo relationships tbh? at least not with any of the main characters in the main storyline (so far), just like the odd one-off of minor characters (and takashi’s adopted parents ofc, but that’s different). so, yeah, i cant really think of one (although i think the big fandom fave ship of takashi and his worst enemy is rlly.. nope, and i dont know what’s going on there? takashi and tanama however, that would make sense, tho it is not unlikely so i cant answer this question with them)

overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5? (b99 or longmire) b99! cos ya know my annoyances with some of the stuff happening later on in longmire lol, b99 just got better n better as it went along, and it’s still going :’)

which has the better theme music, 2 or 4? (leverage or blackspot) blackspot has a real good eerie atmospheric theme which is gr8 and i love it <3 (leverage’s tune is like, elevator music/cheesy jazzy spy tune, which does suit it tho lol)

and idk, anyone bored and stuck at home who wants to do this? no pressure if ur like nah but if u wanna go ahead.... @creepy-friend-of-darkness @anna-wa @rhinky-thingz @rexbasileus @aeolian-harp @warrenkoles @softbrobarnes @damnitttana @cluelesswolf @moondoggiestyle @blloodorangeisthenewblack @my-nail-beds-suck @frankiecolours @savvylikeyeahhh @lake-effectkidx @justhugharry @casualmisandry @j4ya @galaxygalpals @thesecondwarm @dealwright @knipperdollin @curlycombover @kaspbrakeddie (and if i didnt tag u and u still wanna do this, consider yeself tagged)

[falafel14]

Still not done talking about ‘El Camino’ right here...

Thanks to those sending me your thoughts on my review. Going to respond here, because my original post is already obnoxiously long.

To @rukukazuya yes, I agree with most of what you’ve said too. It’s fair to say that Jesse’s previous attempt to put things right made matters so much worse. Jesse showed genuine contrition when he surrendered to Hank and made a full confession, but that decision led to a sequence of events where Hank was killed, Andrea was killed and Jesse was put through a horrific captivity ordeal. I’d say this was more down to tragic misfortune than Jesse making the wrong choice (morally at least). But it makes a fair case against Jesse turning himself in. One because Jesse had seen so many previous blue meth informants murdered in prison and we know Hank himself didn’t care if Jesse lived or died, so who is to say any other cops would take measures to protect Jesse from further harm. But two, they actually gave Jesse a moment of surrendering to the police again in El Camino who turn out to be evil fake cops, so at that point we can’t blame Jesse for thinking giving himself up is always a terrible mistake. 

And also, I do agree that Jesse’s phone call to his parents was genuine in its sentiment that he only blamed himself for what happened to him, not them. I did appreciate Jesse taking responsibility in that way. Even though it’s difficult with Jesse, because he is both a guy who has committed horrific crimes and a guy who has been the victim of horrific crimes. And I don’t feel like you can just say that Jesse’s victimization serves as the karmic equivalent for Jesse being justly punished for his own crimes. Because fucking Todd and his inhumane abuse of Jesse should not be seen as any fitting form of retribution. However it is fair to say (as Vacuum guy states) that Jesse’s criminal choices were what led him to his terrible fate. Jesse never could’ve become a meth slave if he hadn’t made the choice to learn to cook the best meth on the market.  

So I’m fine with the message we get from both the Mike and Jane flashbacks that Jesse’s best path was to take control of his own destiny rather than put his fate in anyone else’s hands. I still feel like this idea of Jesse starting ‘clean’ in Alaska is a bit of a fantasy though. He’s still living off blood money and the guilt that comes with it. Jesse is also exhibiting serious PTSD symptoms and he is covered head to foot in scars that are unmistakably torture scars. If Jesse forms new relationships in Alaska he is going to have lie about his entire past and one of Breaking Bad’s themes has been that lies create barriers between people. And will Jesse even get to meet new people? Walt had to live in the cabin in New Hampshire alone because he was all over the news. So if it’s the same for Jesse then he will always be kind of alone. Which makes me sad. But I guess given the trail of destruction and ruined lives Jesse has left behind him, it’s good that he’s taken himself to a far away place where he’ll (hopefully) live quietly and harmlessly, if not exactly happily from now on.             

To @twentyghosts - I knew as soon as I saw Jesse’s letter that it would be addressed to Brock, for sentimental reasons, but I really wanted it to be for someone else. Like, a grown up for starters. Because it’s true that one major way Jesse could put something right is by simply telling what he knows. The whole reason he was a ‘person of interest’ is because Jesse’s the one who’s seen and knows everything. Aside from why Andrea died, he is also the only living witness to Drew Sharpe’s murder and there’s nobody else who could give that kid’s parents closure. Also, the innocent cleaning lady that Todd murdered surely has family somewhere and instead she’ll be lost to an unmarked grave in the desert. So that’s one way Jesse could’ve atoned which we didn’t get. Unless I just head-canon it that Jesse wrote a full confession to Brock trusting that the letter would be intercepted by the police. I find that a more comforting idea than Jesse writing to an already traumatized child to tell him his mom was murdered because her short-term boyfriend was a meth cook who was kidnapped and tortured by men who were threatening to murder Brock too.     

To @elephantandthedove yes, it is hard to ignore the fact that the actors have aged ten years when they’re doing S2 flashbacks. Ditto Jesse Plemons’ weight gain which fans haven’t been shy to point out. And (my biggest nitpick) why was Jesse’s beard continuity between Felina and El Camino so awful? That new fake beard was like several inches longer than in the original scene of Jesse driving away. So yeah. Those discrepancies were there and I obviously noticed them, but it didn’t bug me to the point where I couldn’t get caught up in those scenes. Wrinkles aside, Aaron did a great job of capturing the energy of early seasons Jesse who is so drastically different from who Jesse later becomes. And more than anything I did really like seeing the old Walter White again as opposed to getting a flashback of later seasons Walt in Heisenberg mode.  

Actually one thing I didn’t mention in my review but should have, was how we saw so much Walt in Jesse in El Camino. Not Walt’s evilness, but a lot of Walt’s quirks and some of his intelligence. Jesse turning Todd’s flat inside-out was a reminder of how much Walt’s OCD rubbed off on Jesse. And the whole plan for confronting the Welder guy was very similar to Walt’s plan in Felina, i.e. go in looking weak and outnumbered but have a secret gun ready. Also that whole hilarious bit where Jesse is bragging about how he’s outsmarted the Vacuum guy (but he hasn’t) was SO Walt. I could just imagine Vince directing Aaron to do his best Bryan impression when he was acting that scene. 

Thanks for getting in touch after so long, my old BrBa homies! It’s great to have this movie, but doubly great to have a lil fangirl reunion.      

[dclphinedupont]

*CRIES IN WITCHCRAFT*

Hello everyone! My name is Ange and this is my chaotic-good lil bean, Delphine! Phi for short. She’s the receptionist at Thane Auto and is a whole entire mess! But she means well. She likes puppies, vegetables and warding off the demonic spirits of the underworld! All in colorful corduroy. 

Below you will find her hastily put together and recycled bio! Please love her! 

* in character information

full character name:

delphine “phi” dupont

face claim:

lucy boynton

pronouns & sexuality:

she/her and bisexual

biography bullet points

her fondest memories were composed of moments heavy with cigarette smoke, bright purple nail-polish, the scent of burning sage and the beatles. her parents were big on that whole aesthetic, and phi loved everything about it. she remembers sitting on her father’s lap as her mother danced in the middle of their living room to “yellow submarine”, skirts swooshing against her legs, smile bright and wide against the candlelight. her father would wrap his fully tattooed arms around her and laugh full and loud and she would feel safe. she would feel loved. she would feel happy. that was home.

her parents were good people with bad habits, that was how she liked to describe them.

“keep the car door locked, phi. open it only when you see us.” her mother would tell her, hands on both sides of her face as her father jimmied the lock off the door of a particularly large house. phi would nod and smile in obedience before watching her parents tip-toe up the cobblestone pathway of other people’s homes, coming back with sacks upon sacks of shiny objects that phi wasn’t allowed to touch. then they would drive away and head home, “hey jude” playing softly on the radio.  

her parents get caught when she’s around thirteen years old. she’ll never forget the look on her father’s face as he’s forced to the ground by men with guns, her mother screaming for them not to take her daughter. “she didn’t do anything! she didn’t know anything!” it echoed in her head like a broken record, throat raw as she tried to claw her way to get to them, only to have to watch them leave her behind on the back of a squad car. that was the day her world went off kilter.

she doesn’t do well in foster care. they call her ‘the runner’ because she always manages to wiggle her way past her foster guardians to visit her parents in jail. time after time, she would find them, talk to them, beg them to take her home because she didn’t like her ‘new parents’. there was always something wrong with them. they didn’t like beatles. they took away all her healing crystals. they wouldn’t let her dye her hair. “they aren’t you…” she just wanted to go home.

she gets adopted at fourteen, and she’s almost positive the walters see her as more of a pet than a daughter. they’re blonde, just like her, and she thinks they’ve adopted her mostly because she looks good with the rest of their perfectly pristine furniture. she hates them almost immediately, but they’re definitely her ticket out of foster care, so she rides it out for a while. they take her ‘home’ and they’re probably the blandest people she’s ever met. the antithesis of her true parents. her hatred for them grows, and she doesn’t even feel bad for pocketing whatever valuable item she might find.  

by the time she’s eighteen, she saves up (steals) enough money to pay for a terrific lawyer for her parents. she hasn’t seen them as much as before, but god she’s so close to getting them out, getting them home. she’s sure they wouldn’t mind that it’s been only a few months since her last visit. they’ll forgive her. they always do. she makes her way to where they’re being held with high hopes and a warm heart. she leaves with mascara running down her cheeks and trembling legs, escorted by more than a few police officers, reminiscent of the day they took her parents away from her.

death penalty is legal in about thirty states. south carolina is one of them.

she runs away not too long after. she has more than enough money to get her by for a few more months, but by the time she gets to louisiana, she only has enough money to pay rent for another two. she pokes her nose into a couple of job openings, attempts to waitress for a bit (she ends up being fired on account of burning some customers with spilled coffee) and tries her hand at retail (she gets caught stealing a few earrings), before finally making her way to the front desk of an auto-shop that may grows to be her saving grace.

for the first time in a long time… she doesn’t want to run away.

her fondest memories were still heavy with cigarette smoke, and painted nails (her own, long and noisy against counter tops). they let her play the beatles and they don’t take away her sage, and things… things are good. now though, there’s the sound of loud motorcycles revving and the nose-wrinkling scent of wax. there’s nights spent guarding the door and the clinking of glasses swimming with whiskey… and it was home… it was now her home.

character traits:

( + ) eccentric - if there was one thing her parents have ingrained in her system, it was that individuality should be a pillar trait in one’s psyche. be colorful, be loud, be you. go against the grain and make sure people knew who you were while you did it. phi was more than happy to comply, of course. from her fashion, to her mannerisms, to her beliefs, there was not an inch of conformity to be found if she could help it. she enjoyed bright colors and long nails, ostentatious outfits and odd knick-knacks. also, prepare to be blessed with sage when you enter the auto-shop, she has a few rolls hidden under her plants.

( + ) charming - she flourishes at the front desk for a reason. she’s a tad bit of a talker, but surprisingly not the obnoxious kind. when you’re in foster care, you tend to meet a lot of people, take notice of their ticks and understand how to read them. because of this, she adapts herself to each person, tickling every nerve for easy charming. when asked how she does it so effortlessly, she jokes that she’s cast a spell on the free mints she gives them.

( + ) cunning - you don’t get away with stealing from your adoptive family for two years without having a little meat up in that old noggin. phi lacked many things. she wasn’t the strongest, wasn’t the best at school, wasn’t the prettiest, but if there was one thing she knew how to do, it was slither her way through situations in a very machiavellian fashion. be wary of her smile, for it holds more than mirth on many occasions.

( - ) reckless - despite her skill in evading trouble, she does little to avoid it altogether. she’s more than reckless with her decisions. she enjoys to steal when upset with someone, and she does so without thinking of the consequences. her decisions are made almost purely out of emotion and she sees no reason to change that part of herself. it gets her into more trouble than you would think, and sometimes her smile won’t get her out of it.

( - ) tactless - what gets her in trouble most of the time is her tongue. why? she can never seem to hold it. what comes into mind is exactly what she says, and it doesn’t matter who she’s talking to. whatever authority you might have, she doesn’t feel the need to put a filter, and that more than anything may lead to her demise if not careful.

( - ) manipulative - she knows how to play people, knows how to be the puppet-master when no one expects it from her. she hides behind sweet smiles and carefully picked words, and most of the time, her dirty work is done by someone else because of a quick kiss and a flutter of her eye-lashes.

[dillydedalus]

what i read in april

in which i read two (!!) 5-star-adjacent books and also defeat my nemesis thomas mann 

the paper menagerie & other stories, ken liu

impressive collection of (mostly) scifi short stories with some fantasy elements. liu is particularly interested in historical/collective memory, historiography, textmaking and textuality, and the importance of stories. my favourites were the bittersweet title story (feat. living origami animals), an alternative history story about the construction of an underground tunnel between japan and america, and the last story, in which time travel becomes tied to politics of remembrance. some stories are not as strong, especially an honestly boring take on AI/voice assistants/surveillance, but overall these are really good, especially in how they approach SFF from asian perspectives. 3.5/5

der zauberberg/the magic mountain, by my nemesis thomas mann THE EVIL IS DEFEATED!!! after 1.5 months i finally finished the magic mountain & honestly.... i really liked it. literally all that happens is that a sweet young fool called hans castorp goes to a mountain sanatorium in switzerland to visit his cousin for three weeks and then.... just stays there for 7 years even tho he ISN’T REALLY ILL (which is both incredible dumbassery & incredibly relatable). up there he hangs out with a lot of people, has lots of conversations about politics & philosophy, falls in love w/ someone, some people die, some people leave, hans takes up skiing, everyone becomes obsessed with seances & psychoanalysis & whatever else for a time, there’s duels, and most of all, thomas mann is like HEY TIME IS WEIRD AM I RIGHT??? and it is! it is pretty weird. things i didn’t expect: a) it’s honestly pretty funny, b) i had several feelings (’als soldat und brav’), c) i kind of knew what the ending was going to be but still i was. distraught. ANYWAY. sometimes.... books that are classics.... are really quite good. 4/5

city of dragons + blood of dragons (rain wild chronicles #3-4), robin hobb i really enjoyed this series even tho i think these two are not as strong as #1-2. the central characters & relationship dynamics are great, i was happy to see malta back, and i loved the new plot points here (trader conflicts! hest coming to the rain wilds! most of all, chassim and the chalcedean women’s liberation front!!!) BUT i think all of these could have done with a bit more space; it all feels crammed together at the end & not really satisfying. 3.5/5 for both these books, series rating 4/5 

the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, douglas adams like, it’s funny. maybe i was not in the mood, but funny doesn’t carry a book. 2.5/5

remembering babylon, david malouf (uni) this book is really good but it is also exactly the kind of book you read in a seminar on postcolonialism, which is what i’m doing. it’s set in a small australian settlement in the mid-19th century, where one day a strange man appears who looks like a “savage” but claims to be a ‘british object’. it turns out that he was marooned as a child and joined a native community, and his presence and strange liminal status (’the white black man’) disturb the entire community. it’s all about questions of assimilation, indigeneity, whiteness, and who owns the land, and it’s very very good, well-written, evocative of the australian landscape, dreamy and i’m probably gonna write my paper on it & end up resenting it a lil bit. 4/5

a canticle for leibowitz, walter miller jr. post-apocalyptic monks in the desert preserving knowledge!!! i ADORED the first two parts of this with all my heart (the first set 600 years after the nuclear apocalypse in a new “dark age”, showing the canonization of leibowitz, engineer-turned-protector-of-knowledge; the second 600 years later again, when during the “renaissance”, conflicts arise between church and secular scientists), the third part (a new nuclear/space age w/ mutual destruction threatening) i liked less, especially when it abandoned the themes of cyclical history, the danger knowledge presents to humanity but also its value, and the process of science and culture rebuilding itself from the atomic ashes for a digression on euthanasia, but i still loved a lot about it, particularly the monks sent to human colonies on other planets (”remember this earth... never forget her - but never come back” made me cry). it is very steeped in catholicism (obvi) which i don’t have much of a connection with but i actually loved how the book talked about religion. on the whole, i genuinely, genuinely loved this, loved francis illuminating a blueprint for 17 years, loved benjamin/lazarus (?), the apocalypse being reframed in biblical terms, loved the melancholy & despair over humanity destroying itself again and again, and the mad mad tiny hope for peace somewhere, some time. i will read this again for sure. 4.5/5 

machandel, regina scheer perfectly fine multi-perspective novel about 20th century (east) german history, all revolving around the small village machandel (a lower german word for the juniper tree). it incorporates some interesting perspectives/topics you don’t necessarily see a lot (forced laborers from eastern europe, euthanasia programs during the third reich, a sympathetic look at the promises & failures of the gdr) and it’s a pleasant read but it didn’t resonate with me in any special way. i’m more interested in scheer’s new book, which is literally set right around the corner from me. 3/5 

wild seed, octavia e. butler sooo this is a afrofuturist-y science....fantasy (??) book about two immortal beings, doro (spirit possessing bodies) and anyanwu (healer & shapeshifter) & their complicated relationship over about 200 years. also involving a magical selective breeding programm, changing your gender, slavery of different kinds and a whole lot of babymaking. it’s interesting&unique&very immersive, but not really octavia e. butler at her best imo. i think my next butler will be xenogenesis. 3/5

kokoro, natsume soseki early 20th century japanese classic about a young student and his mysterious mentor. very quiet and slow but still a good read. don’t have much to say about it tho - i’m probably missing a lot of cultural context. 2.5/5

the merchant of venice, willy shakes (uni) tbh i skimmed most of the scenes shylock wasn’t in bc in this house we stan shylock & no one else, but also like why would anyone sign away a literal pound of their literal flesh as a bond for money you don’t EVEN NEED fuck you antonio. 

shylock is my name, howard jacobson (uni) the hogarth retelling of merchant. i’ve read this before & thought it was clever & sharp re: the play & shylock, but ultimately sexist & gross. i still kind of think that but i liked it A LOT more this time around; it’s really the best of the hogarth series (that i’ve read) in terms of actually engaging with & deconstructing the play rather than just retelling it in a modern setting and it does it in a really smart & thoughtful way. everything not about shylock is ridiculous and farcical but that’s really the point - all the characters beside shylock are the worst and already were the worst in merchant. still not happy about the sexism but: 4/5

the complete maus, art spiegelman honestly it really just is that staggeringly good and given the amazing panels about beckett (x), i’m not going to say much more. if you’re interested in the graphic novel (not really novel bc it’s not fictional) and can deal with the subject matter, just like. read this. predictably, my favourite part was the beginning of maus ii, where art (post-publication of maus I) reflects on what he was doing and why (and why mice) and deconstructing the central conceit from within (see the panel linked, where everyone’s wearing animal masks and he wonders whether mentioning housepets will ruin everything). 5/5

[evenstevensranked]

#28: Season 2, Episode 16 - “Wombat Wuv”

Louis is infatuated with the new cheerleading coach, so he decides to become the school mascot in an extremely farfetched attempt to win her over. Meanwhile, Ren becomes a cheerleader and goes into pep overdrive.

We start this episode at cheerleading practice where we see that Ren is a cheerleader now...? Okay. The girls are getting ready to welcome Ms. Morgan, the new cheer coach. Louis and Twitty are nearby and play the most immature but hilarious prank on Ren. She goes to do a split and Louis sets off a fart noise. Okay.. As I typed that sentence, I was overcome with juvenile cringe. But the noise is so perfectly timed and Louis gets such a kick out of it that I can't even be mad.

Eventually, Ms. Morgan appears and Louis has an out of body experience. Literally. His soul leaves his body and does an interpretive dance for this woman. It's a very memorable moment. He's seriously in awe of her beauty. I love how Twitty wasn't even phased by her, though? Louis was all "DUDE WHO IS THAT?!??" And Twitty said "Eh, idk... some lady" omg.

Louis’ transparent soul leaving his body to express his feelings in the most random way possible. Only on this show, man. 

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that in addition to seeing that Ren is suddenly a cheerleader now.. we also see that she’s kinda terrible at it. So, how in the world did she make it onto the squad in the first place??? This is a question that always pops into my head every single time I watch this episode. Then, without fail, I always breathe a strange sigh of relief when the writers actually bother to explain the situation through dialogue between Louis and Twitty! Louis casually says that Ren needs the credit for her resumé to show she has school spirit or something... which actually makes sense. A lesser show would’ve made Ren be a cheerleader for this one episode with no explanation whatsoever. But, still. I find it hard to believe they'd just let her on the team for a reason like that. You have to at least be physically capable! Which Ren clearly is not:

If ya couldn’t tell, she’s the one in the middle causing the entire group to collapse. 

They fall on Kenny the mascot guy -- who you can see was totally out of the line of fire, but purposely threw himself on the ground because the plot demanded it. He quits on the spot and now our story truly begins. Louis gets the bright idea to swoop in and save the day by taking over the mascot gig. He immediately sees this as an opportunity to basically start dating Ms. Morgan. Lawd help me honeychild. YOU'RE 13, LOUIS. It’ll be difficult to have a relationship with Ms. Morgan when she’s busy spending time in prison. 

Louis goes to Ms. Morgan's office and she talks to him in such a sweet and sultry voice which is probably the worst thing she could do in this situation. Louis' heart is beating so loud, he's able to pass it off as some ruckus going on outside. Wow.

Later that day, Tawny sees him with the mascot suit and assumes he stole it for fun. I love how she says "You should’ve told me! I would've done it with you!" Look at these lil rebels over here! They're so cute. Tawny looks extra goth here too which is awesome, lol. Louis tells her that he's the new mascot. She’s so shocked she shoves him against the lockers, and Shia does the greatest scream here!!! You can see him laughing a bit. I love it. Unfortunately, part of Louis' ugly side comes out right around here. He starts totally blowing Tawny off now because there's a ~new woman~ in his life. He cancels plans with her because he has mascot practice and cryptically won't explain why he took the gig in the first place. "It's just something I had to do" - Wow, Louis. The Dramatics™.

I just had to include a screenshot of Tawny’s outfit. Black Doc Martens and some peasant flowy gothy dress. Yes. (This was a fast-motion bit, so this is the best cap I could get)  

Louis calls Twitty over for an emergency meeting after school. Idk why but I think it's hilarious how Twitty comes jogging into his room out of breath lol. "I ran all the way over here, what's the emergency?" Friendship goals honestly. Needless to say, Twitty is less than impressed when Louis confesses "I'm in love with Ms. Morgan." Twitty can see right through the infatuation and knows that Louis is living in lalaland. But according to Romance For Boneheads, (a total "For Dummies” knockoff) he has the classic symptoms of a man in love. 

It's pretty adorable to see Louis all worked up like this, but kinda sad at the same time because this is obviously not going to end well. Twitty suggests "Maybe you just ate some bad bean dip" which is so funny to me, like.... what.

Louis continues ranting about how perfect Ms. Morgan is and says "I think we'd be a fun couple" as he gazes out his window and we get the most ridiculous daydream ever I can't even deal with this. He and Ms. Morgan are returning from a vacation to the Bahamas. Louis randomly starts playing mini bongos (the same ones that are on his windowsill actually! I never noticed that before!) and Ms. Morgan dances around him. Eileen concurs “You two are a fun couple.” Gotta love how his parents approve even though Louis IS THIRTEEN YEARS OLD and Ms. Morgan is definitely at least 30 lol. EDIT: I just checked. The actress was 36 here! omg.

I love how they made sure Eileen and Steve look somewhere between happy and highly disturbed. Fun fact: This episode was actually directed by Donna Pescow! So... perhaps these facial expressions were her own idea lol. 

Louis starts drooling at the thought and we see THE RETURN OF THE ANNOYING CGI TONGUE FROM GET A JOB. 

Seriously. Who thought that was a good idea? It just looks awful and so out of place. Y'all know by now how I feel about this surreal stuff they randomly throw in. It just feels weird to me. Anyway, Louis reveals that his master plan is to go to mascot bootcamp and make Ms. Morgan fall in love with him. Easy peasy! Louis is one confident guy, sheesh! Twitty immediately asks "Wait. What about Tawny, dude?" Awwwww. Then we get one of the greatest moments ever. Louis tries to say he thoroughly explained everything to her and that she fully understands, but a flashback to that moment paints a very different picture:

“Thoroughly explained”? Yeah, not so much. Tawny is so confused, haha. (gif credit)

Cut to Wacky Walter’s Mascot Bootcamp! Where a bunch of mascots come together and learn techniques such as “the basic booty shake” and sizzling on the ground like a strip of bacon.

What school would have a cow for a mascot? 

Louis has basically found his calling at mascot bootcamp. Wacky Walter was seriously impressed so he decides to give Louis his old jetpack. Yeah, let's just give this 13 year old kid a dangerous, fire powered means of transportation. Good idea. Someone shut this guy down! Have I mentioned that Louis is 13 years old? 

After a successful day at bootcamp, Louis excitedly rushes into Ms. Morgan's office to tell her about the jetpack thing and how he plans to fly around at the pep rally later on... And one of the greatest moments of the entire series happens. THE MORGAN UNIBROW IS REVEALED!!! This is absolutely iconic. Nothing beats this series of Louis Stevens faces. My favorite quote has gotta be “OH YA SHAVE IT, DO YA?!” Here it is in all its glory: 

Since Louis was under the impression Ms. Morgan was a flawless goddess, he cannot handle this flaw of hers... like, at all. So he quits being the mascot and gives her some lame excuse. Eventually, the two of them have a little heart to heart and he confesses the real reason. It's a touching moment. It’s sorta cringy, but I can’t help but laugh when Louis admits: "I wanted to hang out with you. Well..... actually more than that" oh my god. Ms. Morgan tells him that he'll find someone who's just right for him. Louis says “I found her. But I think I messed that up too” in reference to Tawny. I’m dead. So sweet. Yay for Louis/Tawny development!!!

Louis then makes a poor attempt at making up with Tawny and she flat out calls him a jackass. Yes. A JACKASS. On Disney Channel. Holy crap, guys. Tawny is the freaking best honestly. She won’t put up with Louis’ bs for a second and it drives him insane. Dats love. It’s great.

Oh, god! I forgot about Ren's subplot! I’m the worst. Okay. Basically, the other cheerleaders think that Ren isn't perky enough. They encourage her to find her "perky place" and let's just say, Ren goes overboard. She starts cheering for everything. Algebra, the mail, and even her laundry. It's so bad that Steve has to do a mini-intervention. Dang. Once she’s aware of how stupid cheering seems, she starts to think that cheerleading is pointless. Ren shares her negative feelings with the squad before the pep rally and all of the cheerleaders get super depressed. Ren was literally telling the girls that their cheering does no good at all in the grand scheme of life and that they shouldn’t do it anymore. I never understood this, because when they go out to do their routine Ren is still putting in the effort to be extra peppy! It’s almost like she set them up so she’d be the only one who looks good. I never got that. Am I missing something? EXPLAIN!

The lack of spirit from the cheerleaders spreads a wave of depression across the entire gym. Oops. It's so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Ms. Morgan tries her best to rally up the crowd but is failing miserably. She gets one kid to do the wave with her... that’s about it.

Twitty tells Louis “Dude, your ex-girlfriend throws one lousy pep rally” which is pretty funny. Louis decides to save the day once again and puts Wacky Walter’s jetpack to use. He comes running out in costume ready to fly around. Ren screams “HEY, EVERYBODY! LOOK! IT’S THE WOMBAT!!” which sounds so ridiculous like the kind of melodramatic dialogue from movies in the 1930s and 40s -- where the actresses are ~so passionate~ they always sound one breath away from passing out. It makes me laugh.

Louis flies around to some royalty-free “Rocky” theme rip-off before he comes violently crashing down (and lands in a convenient pile of pompoms) because he’s 13 and shouldn’t be trusted with a jetpack -- especially indoors. 

Tawny takes care of him right away and she’s about to get the nurse when Louis stops her “Tawny, don’t leave. I have to tell you something. You have..... the two most beautiful eyebrows I’ve ever seen” - How precious is that?! Tawny’s brows would unfortunately not be on fleek by today’s standards though. You need to have freaking caterpillars on your face these days. Funny how styles change. BUT THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT. That eyebrow line was such a cute and clever thing to say!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The cheerleaders kick Ren off the squad, which is good news for Ren because she wanted to quit. As she walks away from them, the girls do this catchy cheer: “She’s going! Bye bye, farewell, adios, hey hey!” This always gets stuck in my head. 

That’s it! I like this episode a lot. Louis learns the age old lesson of “nobody’s perfect” -- a message Hannah Montana would later drill into our memories for all eternity. It’s really nice. There’s Louis/Tawny content here, so this episode is already winning. It’s just pretty iconic overall imo. Ren’s plot is pretty cute, too! I don’t even know what to say in this little summary paragraph because all of the episodes at this point in the list (#29 - #20) are all solid episodes leaning towards positive for me instead of neutral like most of the episodes in the #50s - #30s.

Thanks for reading!

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[allbeendonebefore]

Hapo Reads Calgary History pt 1. 1875-1895

get ready for some biased edmontonian whinging from me. I may make comics out of some of this info later, probably. 

This is going to be some highlights and out of context cackling but I figured I owe you a preface to see where I’m approaching this info from.

So let me set the stage for you, its the early 1800s and the rockies are lorge the buffalo are runnin and up north in the beaver hills and aspen forests my own lil Fort Edmonton is about 30 years old give or take. Fort Ed has been a fur trading post since it was founded and now is completely monopolized by the HBC- it’s the second oldest fort in what is now Alberta (though it was separate from Alberta until the 20th century) and they trade primarily with the local Cree and have a real tense relationship with the Blackfoot Confederacy who tend to be more based in the south, the part of Alberta that would actually be known as Alberta by Calgary’s foundation. 

The Blackfoot however do trade at times with the HBC but are frustrated because the only HBC posts are either Edmonton (which is Way up north) and Rocky Mountain House (which of course is in the Rockies and also difficult and far). So here’s an idea, why don’t you make a fort on the Bow? The HBC comes down in the 1820s, looks around, ‘there’s no beaver here and also its dangerous??’ and ditched immediately, but finally gave in when the Blackfoot threatened to take their business south of the border to the states. The HBC caved, built a post on the Bow, and then abandoned it in the winter because for whatever reason the proprietor “feared for his life”. It was a disaster and the HBC ditched the whole operation. The only forts that moved into the area were whiskey trading forts like Fort Whoop Up (Lethbridge) that wreaked absolute havoc amongst the native peoples. A massacre near Cypress Hills in 1873 prompted the creation of the North West Mounted Police (the Mounties) to stop the whiskey trade, and this is the reason The Fort on the Bow- what would become Calgary- was established in ‘75.

SO LET’s GET TO THE CAL FacTS yahoo

- A lot of young men joined the mounties because you get a horse, you get a sweet uniform, and maybe you get to punch a few bad guys. They left from Manitoba and showed up in Alberta thirsty, with dysentery, covered in mosquito bites, and hopelessly lost. 

- The whiskey traders they were supposed to be fighting had such a huge base of operations they managed to evacuate whenever the police came after them to the point that they arrived at Fort Whoop Up, one of the most notorious whiskey forts in western Canada, and there were only two people there who offered to give them a tour of the abandoned fort. Fighting bad guys quickly turned into just finding and keeping up with bad guys. 

- The thing is, they did a great job cleaning up the whiskey trade in Alberta, but they ended up hiring ex-whiskey runners from Montana anyway to build the fort itself. An ex-whiskey runner hauled up a billiard table from Montana, built a dance hall, and hosted the first Christmas dance for the fort. He also made his own beer and candies which he sold.

- The first people to settle down in Calgary were a handful of Metis families from Edmonton who made their living freighting goods back and forth between the two forts. Reverend John McDougall also came down to set up a mission and his family was generally credited with bringing the first herd of cattle and starting the first ranch in what would be Cowtown.

- Calgary wasn’t an HBC fort, but the HBC shop came to them on the river. When the shop turned up they came with goods totally archaic and the mounties were like ?!?!? ‘this knife and capote should be in a museum lol’ ‘flintlock muskets are you srs’. Items “as rare as the dodo”, as Captain Denny put it. 

- I’ve been over the Brisebois thing a few times but this book is killing me: “Brisebois, Alberta? The Brisebois Stampede? Hmmm...”

- To set up Calgary as viable ranch land, the buffalo had to be killed off and First Nations people “subdued”. Treaty 7 was signed and the local First Nations were given reservations. The Sarcee led by Chief Bull Head had been reduced to less than 300 people and were not given their own reserve but a corner of the Blackfoot’s- for this, they rode into Calgary and held the fort hostage, threatening to burn it down if their demands were not met. They were given a reserve southwest of Calgary and two wagon loads of food were sent from Fort Macleod. 

- Fort Macleod, another NWMP fort, kind of seems to have more of a big-brotherly role to Cal than Ed would have had at this point, but Cal, the spoiled baby of the forts, would take some delight in snubbing them both. 

- Americans? Americans! The first big herd was brought up in the mid 1870s from Montana by veterans of the big cattle drives from the southern states to the north. The Americans tended to be from Montana, Oregon, and Texas. Alberta was a fresh and perhaps final opportunity for this work. 

- The American cowboy culture swept in but was curiously balanced with the ranchers- many were retired NWMP officers, and many of them had connections in Great Britain. Calgary became a spot for sightseeing and sport for upperclass Brits, so the cowboy/court culture was incredibly bizarre to the point where these english lords would literally start writing themselves dictionaries of cowboy slang because the two Englishes were SO different

- As an added note on personal headcanons, I’ve always thought of Cal as on the rancher side of this divide and Bert as the kid who gets swept up in the schemes of his new American friends. Berdie would be a little older than Cal but also employed by him- so essentially while Cal would be sipping tea and playing polo, Ralph would be a stones throw away swilling coffee and planning to shoot up main street with his unsavory American pals. Cal of course being a kid would probably also find this culture fascinating so it’s likely he would have come home covered in mud on more than one occasion.

- That said I don’t know a lot of history from that side of the border really- @thisnameisquitegooey has filled me in on some context for Texas at this point of course, but idk what Montana or Oregon would have been like. Mostly (western) Canadian history is “Ahh. Scary. Guns. Scary. Factories and booze and stuff. Don’t go there.” when it comes to American history. (In comparison Eastern Canadian history is either “WE WILL NEVER FORGIVE THEM FOR YORK” or “aww boston is awrite we share christmas trees every year britain can suck it”

- Calgary ladies were rough and tough too- Mrs Cochrane liked to go hunting with the boys (for coyote rather than fox), Bea Godden rode 96km for a dance, and Mrs Walter Skrene wrote “I like a flannel shirt and liberty” and if that isn’t the most western Canadian thing you’ve ever heard....

- Calgary was still a city of tents when the CPR was being built. Checking into the Far West Hotel meant the privilege of sleeping in your own blanket on the floor - as opposed to what, I wonder?

- “The greatest commercial centre west of Winnipeg” “A burgeoning Chicago”

- “The CPR line guaranteed Calgary a future life, but as to punish it for its good fortune, the CPR made a last-minute decision that threw the young town into chaos.” I CAN’t IMAGINE WHAT /THAT/ FEELS LIKE. “Before 1883, most construction in Calgary had been on the east side of the Elbow. A main street had formed there. The CPR was ready to build a station in that locale but thought the asking price for the land was too high. Suddenly, they crossed the Elbow and built a station and repair sheds west of Fort Calgary. “The result,” wrote Cecil Denny, “was that the whole town followed.” Oh BOO HOO. YOU MOVED TO THE LEFT SLIGHTLY, HOW HARD. 

- There was this prejudice in Eastern Canada that Western Canada was a wasteland and that crops wouldn’t grow so to prove them wrong Calgary decorated a CPR rail car with six foot wheat sheaves and giant vegetables and sent it over just to say “I TOLD YOU SO”. This Exhibition was the ancestor of the Stampede. 

- Of course everyone freaked out about the North West Rebellion but nothing really happened except the Canadian Militia (regiments from Winnipeg and Montreal) met up in Calgary with the NWMP and they went up North to go check on Ed (who was Totally Fine and may have accidentally shot a cannon ball at them one time)

- The Duchess of Sommerset reported that breakfast was “the toughest of beef steaks” and there was “no butter procurable”. She also noted the hotels were mostly just clubs for local ranchers to hang around in and smoke and didn’t like that much.

- Oblligatory EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE time where half the business section got destroyed, estimated loss of $100,000. The winter after was equally terrible and cost a lot of ranchers many cows- it was the wake up call that CHINOOKS AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH HA. 

- After the fire Calgary got paranoid about building everything out of wood and there was a sandstone fad in building instead (See: Old City Hall, the Lougheed Mansion). 

- “At this point in history Edmonton’s prospects seemed almost pathetic.” DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME PAL Anyway poor Ed was population 700 while Cal was 2,500, large enough to be incorporated as a city in 1894. “Calgary seemed destined to conquer, and effortlessly so.” [sticks out tongue]

[jodiwalker]

The Best Things Happening on Game of Thrones Right Now

If the current season of Game of Thrones is fan service, then consider me — a fan — serviced, and sign me up, baby. We've been through the hard stuff, we deserve this. This series has finally broken through the stratosphere of TV criticism and into the land of pure joy where Arya can be both a raging lil' sociopath and a beloved protagonist.

So this is neither a review nor a recap, a critique nor a thoughtful analysis influenced by my superior status as a "book-reader." Instead, it is the most advanced of all literary art forms: a list of I've been tickled by in the first two episodes of season 7. The best things happening on Game of Thrones right now definitively are:

Very Silly Reveals That Are Supposed to Change the Game (of Thrones) But Are Kind of Just Really Obvious Solutions

1. There's a Shit Ton of Dragon Glass at…Dragonstone

Of all the things I expected out of this season—reunions, rifts, Cersei dramatically guzzling wine, Arya masked-murderin', Dany sittin' on thrones, hopefully the glorious return of Gendry's biceps—I never anticipated quite this much focus on igneous rocks. Jon Stark's laser focus on digging up dragon glass is starting to sound like a Goop newsletter, and it's not that I wouldn't subscribe (imagine: the fur recs! the tips for sultry lashes! the straightforward syntax without any annoying exclamation points!), it's just all a little more plainly sated than I expected. Jon calls, like, eight Big Chamber Meetings to tell all the Northern elders, plus Lil' Lyanna Mormont that their number one priority is to find dragon glass because it's the only thing they can create weapons out of in mass to kill white walkers. Those meetings go a little something like this:

Jon: How are we gonna kill white walkers?!

Northerners: DRAGONGLASS!

Jon: And where are we gonna find it?!

Sam, from Oldtown: AT—AND YOU'RE REALLY NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS—DRAGONSTONE!

[Ed. note: I've edited out the regular interruptions from Sansa that give me extreme conflicting emotional anxiety, but we'll get to those later in the "So You're Co-Ruling with Your Half-Sister Who's Actually Your Cousin and She's Recently Developed a Mind of Her Own After Surviving Extreme Trauma" section.]

Sending Sam to Oldtown to train as a maester is like the coconut oil/Franks RedHot of Westeros: that shit works on everything. At the Citadel, Sam begins scooping soup, souping poop (in a scene I would have exchanged for an hour-long loop of gruesome murders), and most importantly, sneaking into the restricted section of the library like some sort of chubby lovechild between Voldemort and Harry Potter. He even gets shut down by Jim Broadbent (aka Archmaester Marwyn, absolutely killing the wise, gives-no-shits maester game) and sneaks in anyway. And what did Samwell find in the restricted section?

Well, Sam steals maybe five books and finds the exact answer he needs, plus one he didn't even know he should be looking for—more on that in a minute.

And you know what? That's kind of dumb and unrealistic, but Sam deserves this. He's had a tough life and his dad is a jerk that wanted to kill him and his brother is (well, used to be) the hot guy from Unreal, and everyone shits on him all the time even though he is legitimately the nicest person alive in their godforsaken, feces infested world — dude has earned finding the solution to saving mankind after exactly 10 minutes of cozy reading with his cute wildling life partner and their ageless baby.

So, Sam finds out (via a super lame picture that Jaime could have drawn with his strong hand) that there's a big ol' dragon glass mine at—you're not going to believe this—Dragonstone. All they've gotta do is dig it up. Well, and, y'know, get past Daenerys Targaryen, heir of Dragonstone who recently arrived on its sandy, glass-filled shores. And that other thing that Sam found?

2. The Cure for Greyscale is Just…Peeling Off the Greyscale

Well, no fucking shit, Sam.  I mean, listen, I know I was just singing the kid's praises, but it's pretty crazy to act like you just found the magical cure for Greyscale in your magical secret books when that cure is…peeling off the Greyscaled skin and then putting a bunch of medieval Neosporin on it. But whatever, it's really sweet that Sam wants to help Jorah Mormont so badly because of his affection for Lord Commander Mormont and is willing to flay him to save his life (and definitely give himself Greyscale with the way he's using those gloves). So go ahead, Sam, peel off that Greyscale in your secret Dr. Pimple sessions—your solution might be obvious, but at least it's not dumb, dumb, dumb…

3. The Dragon Feller That's Just…a Crossbow

So, John is concerned with defeating the white walkers because, y'know, strong moral fiber and a her survivor's guilt complex and all that. But Cersei is mainly concerned with defeating anyone who would try to take the Iron Throne from her that she didn't already blow up with magic fire. And that means she's got to look alive about the tiny blonde Targaryen heading her way who's bringing, along with her legitimate claim to the throne, her three big ass dragons that were, coincidentally, born from a magic fire.

It's going to take something big to defeat those dragons. Something magical. Something much more powerful than even wildfire. Something like…

A BIG ASS CROSSBOW, BABY! Yeah, that will be great for killing dragons — if the dragons are sitting still, 1,000 years old, and already dying peacefully of natural causes. It's okay, Qyburn. They can't all be skull-crushing Frankenzombies held together by Husky R' Us armor level ideas, buddy.

Arya and Her Whole Thing

I remember when How to Get Away With Murder premiered there were a bunch of think pieces that were all, Finally! A Female Anti-Hero for Us to Love Just Like All Those Dude Anti-Heroes We Loved on A&E and HBO! Of course, no one loved Viola Davis' anti-hero like they loved Walter White because people don’t like to love flawed women like they like to love flawed men (and the show's not as good, but Viola is). And so, when Arya gave the best revenge performance of all time at the top of the season 7 premiere, there were a bunch of (to be fair, legitimate) articles that were all Should We Really Be Rooting for Arya? Is Arya a Sociopath Now? Arya Sure Looked like She Wanted to Kill Ed Sheeran, an Innocent Soldier, Who We Will Tell You Later How WE'D Like to Kill, But for Different Totally Valid Reasons.

So let me just say, yes! Arya is a probably a semi-psychopathic now, and yes! We should be rooting for her. She is but a simple mercenary setting out to avenge the death of her loved ones using humble blood magic. Yes, she killed Walder Frey, and yes, she fed him to his sons, and yes she then skinned him and wore his face in order to poison all those sons who she had just fed a pie made out of their dad, but you know what she also did…spared the women who hadn’t done anything wrong except be born into that nasty family. And yes she maybe only spared them to have this bad ass parting line, delivered with just perfect level-headed menace by Maisy Williams: "When people ask you what happened here — tell them the North remembers. Tell them winter came for House Frey."

But she is Arya and I love her, and I support her in anything she does…unless she kills any of the characters I like, in which case I will have to write some think pieces.

Sibling Dramzzz: Stark Edition

And speaking of Starks you have to keep your eye on, Sansa and Jon are having kind of a hard time co-parenting the North, and that's probably because people just loooove putting Jon in charge, even though Sansa should kind of technically be in charge, the only problem is, that Sansa's so annoying. Now, Sansa has made large strides toward being less annoying. But for every two steps forward (occasionally telling Lord Baelish to go fuck himself, knowing about war, not being a moralizing idealist), she interrupts Jon six times in their council meetings and tells him how stupid he is.

And listen, I get it — I have siblings. No one knows you better, and no one knows they know you better. When someone acts like they understand you better than you understand yourself, and worse, they're probably right, it can be trying. When Sansa tells Jon that he's going to get his head chopped off like his virtuous father and brother before him, she's not necessarily, but she is annoying. In a made-up world with dragons and child-sacrifice and, like, constant incest that's often not very relatable, I find this Jon and Sansa stuff frustratingly relevant.

The complexity of familial bonds is a language that spans universes (I mean, I guess that's ignoring the thing I just said about near-constant incest), so when Sansa says just the right bratty thing — "Joffrey never let anyone question his decisions, do you think he was a good king?" — to set Jon off, or when Jon and Sansa get on the same page about something, then he immediately changes his mind and announces it at the dinner table, so she questions his decision in front of all their gossipy cousins…it's normal family stuff, just at much higher, head-chopping stakes.

My great fear is that the tentative but often sweet partnership these two eldest "children" of Ned Stark have formed will somehow be ruined by Littlefinger. So boyyyyyy was it gratifying when Jon choked his old ass out when he was all I wanted to fuck your step-mom and now I want to fuck your half-sister, just thought I'd tell you that right here in front of your dead dad's crypt. And mannnnn was it concerning when Sansa backed down from publicly challenging Jon about his decision to leave the North and sale to Dragonstone the moment she learned he was leaving her in charge of the North in his absence, then immediately looked to Littlefinger for…what? Approval? Guidance? Shared joy? None are great options.

Just get though this Jon and Sansa  — I promise you’ll be best friends when you’re adults!

Sibling Dramzzz: Greyjoy Edition

Yo, this family is Messed! Up! Theon jumped off a ship rather than risk saving his sister Yara from their super-pirate uncle who's now taking Yara, Ellaria, and the last remaining Sand Snake, Tyene as his gift to Cersei which will totally make her want to marry him so he can be king, I guess, and not just of his raggedy salt islands.

It will never not be distracting how much Euron looks like Pacey though. If Pacey had a run-in with an H&M clearance rack and the entire smoky eye section of Sephora.

Sibling Dramzzz: Lannister Edition

And speaking of Cersei's current romantic status: Jaime is giving her a looooot of side-eye because she's, y'know, terrible. But she is doing a really fun thing this season where she's constantly recapping how much she hates everyone while subconsciously remaining us how much everyone hates her in return. While roaming around her Etsy map of Westeros, Cersei tells Jaime: "Enemies to the east. Enemies to the south: Ellaria Sand and her brood of bitches. Enemies to the west: Olenna, the old cunt, another traitor. Enemies to the North: Ned Stark's bastard has been named King of the North, and that murdering whore Sansa stands beside him. Enemies everywhere, we're surrounded by traitors!"

Girl, anymore zingers and maybe a concluding paragraph, and they'll give you a byline at Vulture. It is my one true hope that Jaime will realize his sister is insane and kill her before she kills him or Tyrion.

Everything Lil' Lyanna Mormont Does

I don't care if it's Disney-Channel-level precocious, I don't care if they're just giving us more of what we want…actually, I do care. Give me more of what I want! And what I want is the Lil'est Lady of Bear Island repeatedly telling a bunch of giant grizzled dudes to STFU. "I don't plan on knitting by the fire while men fight for me," she says when it's proposed that girls should be trained to fight in the war to come. "I might be small and I might be a girl, but I am every bit as much a Northerner as you. And I don't need your permission to defend the North." Yes, my tiny queen! I don't know if they heard you in the back, but at this point in time, just about every major house in the realm is run by a woman And speaking of…

Jon and Dany Said Each Other's Names and Hopefully That Will All Be Fine

That's it, that's all I needed. Now they can either become best friends or fall in incestuous Targaryen love, there is no other option.

Images: HBO; BlondieTVJunkie/tumblr

[naughtygirl286]

This ones a lil bit slow but last Tuesday we went to see Captain Marvel, we ended up going to the 10pm showing and I was surprised that there was only a hand full of ppl there not counting the ppl I was with but I figured the majority of the ppl were probably at the 9:30 show. also I was super happy that yes they did have cups and buckets! you can see them here http://naughtygirl286.tumblr.com/post/183557649895/the-theater-exclusive-collectors-cup-and-popcorn

also they did have alot of stuff there for this they had Funko pop figures, a variety of key chains, some change/coin purses and even oddly enough Captain Marvel Socks! lol but I just stuck with my Cup and Bucket :)

But as for the movie itself I would have to say it was pretty great! I don't see what the problem ppl are have with it is. the movie is pretty cool and had humor and nice action and I did feel it had alot of heart in alot of places.

I in fact am happy it didn't turn out how I thought it would and was actually really enjoyable.

I loved the Stan Lee opening logo he deserved that and so much more and I like how they put the "THANK YOU STAN" after it which was awesome! also his Cameo in the movie was good with him reading the Mallrats script I had to laugh at that.

I would have to say I did like Jude Law in this as Yon-Rogg I originally from the first trailer thought he was going to be Mar-Vell being that in the comics and other media Mar-Vell was a guy which of course at the time made sense to me but that is not how it turned out he in turn was cast as Yon-Rogg which made a bit more sense in the scope of the movie and Mar-Vell was someone different and it was quite the twist being that they gender swapped Dr. Walter Lawson aka Mar-Vell to Annette Bening as Dr. Wendy Lawson aka Mar-Vell. I kinda don't like stuff like this being I like to kinda have things similar to the comics but then again this of course take place in a parallel world separate to the Comics 616 so I could accept it and not much more was changed I felt   the origin as a whole was similar enough so the comics that it worked in the movies story.

Now as for Brie Larson herself I can't say I have anything against her and I thought she did really good in this I think alot of the humor came from her and the situations she was put in in the movie and as for how she played the character   it seems to have been like this conflict between her humanity and who she was vs. Who she is and was told who she had to be which was interesting. but the one thing I didn't like her doing is like going on rants or whatever on the press tours saying stuff like White Men are Evil and going on about how you hate men and don't want them watching the movie and all that stuff. Thats not right! you have to sell this movie to everyone and be like everyone is welcome and go see it! you can't be talking down to ppl when you need them to go see your stuff Like take Wonder Woman as a good example that in my opinion was marked towards everyone and you didn't see Gal Gadot bad mouthing anyone on the press tour like everyone sees Brie Larson as some kind of hateful monster but I think she should take some pointers from Gal Gadot on how to act when on the press tours.

I did like the Fury/Captain Marvel relationship  I felt they had really good chemistry and alot of the humor in the movie comes from them bouncing off of each other with lots of good quips and jabs and joking comments they were a good pair on screen

Also yes another I guess you would say "actor" that stole the show is of course Goose the Cat and I have to say alot of his stuff was also both cute and funny

Also being that this take place long before Iron Man and we get to see a some what young Nick Furry we find out why he is close to Agent Coulson as well as how he loses his eye which of course is not the same as in the comics

One thing I loved about it was they introduced the Kree/Skrull war into the Cinematic Universe which I was excited about and was happy to see them do that being it is kind of a big deal in the Comics Universe and I have to say I loved the look of the Skrulls the make-up and everything was perfect!! I even like the shapeshifting visual effect   but the only thing that I kinda didn't like was that they made the Skrulls more like a sympathetic character in this when they are more villainous in the comics and that is what I was kinda looking forward to seeing.

Now I also heard alot of ppl saying this this movie promotes the hatred of men I can honestly say I didn't feel it did? true there were I guess you some jokes at Fury's expense and maybe men in general but I can't say they were "Man Hating" ones also there was a scene with a biker shortly after Captain Marvel arrives on Earth where he tells her to smile which I rolled my eyes at that being that is a reference to the "street harassment" uber feminist always claim they experience every minute of every day. The one thing I didn't like tho was the choice of music in this at times like in the pretty much the "End Battle" where she's fighting off Jude Law's Yon-Rogg and the other Kree Soliders the No Doubt song "Just A Girl" is blaring in the background it feels forced, out of place and just doesn't fit the scene and just feels like it is this over the top song for this moment they could have put any other song in there and it would have been a better choice. I just feel that this was a overtly Feminist choice and I have to say this sequence was ruined by feminism! lol but seriously I didn't feel that this promoted hatred of men, but if you want to see one I would suggest the 2016 Ghostbusters that movie blatantly flaunted its hatred of men

But anyway I thought the visual Effects were pretty good and Now after seeing this what Fury said at the end of the first Iron Man kinda takes on a bit of a different meaning now.

and Yes there is a mid credits scene that kinda deals with Avengers: End Game and then there is a end credits scene that is kinda funny that deals with Goose the Cat

but in the end I thought it was pretty great sure there were alot of good things about it and some bad things but I think it balances out. So if you want to go see it then go see it, the only opinion on this movie that matters is your own.

[abakersquest]

CHAPTER THIRTEEN – RED SAILS BEST FORGOTTEN

According to Captain Blackeye, the Lunar Swell shaved four days off the six it would’ve taken to get to Galaga Island, affording them all two days to come to know one another better. On the first night, the meeting in the small dining room just below deck was a cramped and stilted experience until Wally set to work in the galley. As he found the space just the right size for him to work, he concluded it was Polly who prepared any of the captain’s meals, as imagining the bulky frame of the great commander of the sea doing anything in the small kitchen was far too hilarious to have ever actually happened.

The smell of whatever Wally happened to be cooking put everyone at ease enough to turn the atmosphere from confined into cozy. When the meal was finally placed before them, they all ate as if food was a long forgotten concept.

“Mm! Wally! What is this?!” Rozzi said as she hurriedly swallowed another mouthful.

“Well the galley’s storage didn’t exactly have a lot of variety, a number of drie goods and cured meats and a few containers with rice and spices… So I threw together an Icthyite recipe I knew with some of the vegetables I picked up at Areca. I mixed some potash into Wistea’s, extra salt for the Captain and Polly, a touch more meat in Hector’s, and a bit of bitter fruit in yours because Cri’tet told me you enjoyed that sort of thing.”

Blackeye savored his last bite quite audibly before speaking in an awestruck tone, “By the currents lad, if you’re this talented with a pot and pan, why on Mondia d’ya stick with makin’ cakes?”

Wally finished serving himself and sat at the table with everyone. “Well, aside from more personal reasons, there were dozens of cooks in Animana, but bakers were in short supply. After the war, everyone got used to making their own bread which, anyone will tell you, is the mainstay of any baker. So it was a difficult business, one where you had to be creative to survive. Everything about it appealed to me and the rest was just leading up to that.”

Polly attempted to speak in an ancient language that had never been deciphered, as it required the speaker to almost choke on the food filling their mouth at the time. As was always the case with innovators in said language, only a few garbled noises escaped before the food won out and made a direct charge on the throat. She beat on her chest to force down the mass of chewed rice, meat, and vegetables before it finally plopped into her belly.

“Chew then talk, sunshine.” Captain Blackeye nudged Polly’s drink toward her, which she happily gulped down to ease her throat.

“Captain,” began Hector. “I’ve been meaning to ask… A ship this size would need at least ten hands to manage. Even if you could do the work of five sailors, that’s still five short. What happened to your crew?”

“Gone on to betta things I bet. Told them I’d wait for the swell and sent’em off. That’s the way for us at sea. We drift on as the currents guide, maybe we run into each other on the way. But, some just stick with you… S’how I ended up with this little one here.” Blackeye patted his granddaughter on the head. “No doubt it’s clear she ain’t exactly the spittin’ image of this old fish. Her mam was a member of my crew ‘til she passed. She always had the habit to call me ‘pappy’ and it just kinda stuck, loved her the way father’s do and came time to deal with this one, I was happy to do it.”

“Mam was the ship’s navigator, so I do that now.” Polly said proudly.

“If I may also ask a question,” remarked Wistea. “How is it we were able to reach the top of the swell? I honestly felt as if we were going to tumble back into the ocean for a moment there.”

“Aha, that’s our Kettle Engine! Y’no doubt done seen the big metal bits ‘round the stern, yeah? That’s where the steam builds up from the boiler just under the galley. You take in sea water; boil it up ‘til y’get steam, then throw the switch by the wheel and OFF YA GO! Got it years back from a fella from Insicai named Rollo.”

Wistea suddenly sat a little straighter. “… I know I really should not be surprised to hear when one storied individual meets another but… You actually MET Rollo Poda, the so-called ‘Shining Star’ of Insicai?”

“Met ‘im? I carted him around Mondia for a year after the war was over. Said he was looking for something, didn’t tell me what ever. But he was a brave sort, liked him plenty, so I helped him out. Plus, I got to see some pretty amazing things on the way and he gave me the Kettle Engine as a gift. The God’s Fortune was already the fastest thing on any waters, that just made it even faster!”

“May I… See the boiler?” Wistea could barely contain her excitement.

Blackeye looked to Polly who happily hopped onto her feet and gestured to Wistea to follow. Her chair nearly toppled as she sprung from it and squeezed past everyone.

“Guess Poda was a big deal,” Wally concluded as he finished off his plate and set about cleaning the table. “Mind you the curiosity’s infectious now... I’ve been meaning to ask how you knew I used Fire magic.”

“You smelled like you’d been inside a furnace.”

Wally recalled being the center of a massive geyser of flame a few days earlier. “You could call what I did that…”

“Eh? Not that! I can tell that happened days ago… All magic usin’ folk got a smell to ‘em.” He gestures his fork at Rozzi. “She smells like a breeze o’ spring so she got Air magic.” He points to Hector. “This one’s a fresh rain, Storm magic. Your greenie friend smells like a mess’a flowers, Forest magic.”

Hector sat back. “Blimey, and I thought my nose was sharp.”

“Aaah, you’ll get there someday! Years of practice iz’all.”

“So you’ve met other people with Fire magic who had the power of insight?”

“All them magics come with lil’ extras y’never notice until you do. Fire folk shine their light on the absolute truth. Air folk are agile as leaves on wind. Storms c’n move faster than a blink when they want, Forests live long and hold onto memory like steel traps.”

“What about the others?” Rozzi said as she leaned in.

Blackeye grumbled a bit before leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms behind his head. “Ain’t gonna tell ya.”

“What? Why?!”

He chuckled quietly. “Where’s the fun in me tellin’ ya? Ain’t an adventure iffin’ I just toldja everythin’, eh? We meet some, then I’ll tell ya.”

Hector sat up, his tone serious. “Captain, Sir, I mean no offense but this is hardly an ‘adventure’. This is-”

Wally held up his hand, cutting Hector off. “He’s not going to tell us, Hector. His mind’s made up… We’ll be thinking on the fly half the time anyway, so better he tell us when we need to know it most.”

Hector stared at Wally for a moment before finally relaxing in his seat and going back to his meal, replying between mouthfuls, “Alright… But I don’t have to like it…”

---

A day away from port, the towering mass of water that carried them over the great expanse of ocean finally began to shrink, just as the captain had predicted. As the swell calmed, Blackeye saw fit to salute its passing and thanked it for the comfortable ride. Soon, when the sun rose to midday, Wally found himself looking out over the water again, but not in calm reflection. Something in the back of his mind raised a flag of caution that he couldn’t ignore. His legs felt tight and ready to hop, and his ears danced back and forth in search of something he couldn’t quite place. He approached Captain Blackeye slowly as the question he wanted to ask finally took shape. “Captain… Is it normal for there to be no other ships in sight this close to a major port?”

“The Lunar Swell ain’t exactly part of the normal ‘round these waters, but you’re right to worry. Gettin’ stiff gills I am, even if the waters got choppier than they’d ever been, there’s a few hard barnacles who’d sail out regardless. Should’ve seen one by now.”

“CAPTAIN!” shouted Polly from the crow’s nest. “THREE SHIPS! AHEAD STARBOARD! NO FLAGS!”

Wally and Blackeye turned their eyes and found the three vessels as barely dots in the distance. The reveal did nothing to alleviate Wally’s tension, in fact it only increased. “Something’s… Wrong.”

“Aye lad, don’t need your insight t’ know that. KEEP EYES ON ‘EM POLLY!”

“AYE CAP’N!”

“Mister Walter, take Mister Cani down to the Gun Deck and load starboard cannons, Proper knight like him knows how. MISS ORLAND! MISS FABOI! BE READY TO REPEL BOARDERS!”

Wally and Hector quickly rushed down to the gun deck, a small space with only four low caliber cannons, the kind best suited to a ship built for speed and agility over offense. Hector quickly walked Wally through the loading of one so he could move on to the other. As with everything he’d taught him, Wally caught on quickly and moved efficiently. He wondered for a second or two if that was the hard working kitchen boy in him or the knight he’d been fostering, and if their was even a difference anymore.

On deck, Rozzi kept her eyes on the approaching ships and her hand wrapped tightly around the grip of her sickle as Wistea questioned the Captain.

“So are they pirates? Corsairs? Privateers?”

“Pretty sure those are all the same thing, Wistea!” called out Rozzi.

“Preposterous! Why have different words for them then?”

“Greenie…” The captain almost growled. “They all the same when they tryin’ to cut your head off.”

Wistea instinctively reached for her neck and swallowed hard. “U-understood, Captain.”

Blackeye reached over the wheel to its pedestal, lifting up the brass cap there, revealing one end of a voice pipe. “You boys ready down there?”

Hector and Wally quickly searched the room for the source of the captain’s voice, finding the other end of the voice pipe at the far end of the gun deck.

“Aye sir!” called out Wally. “Just one question, who’re we even shooting at?”

“Hopefully no one,” replied Blackeye. “Defensive stance’s ‘til we know better.” Blackeye pressed on the center of the ship’s wheel, locking it in place. He headed into his cabin and from the wall pulled down his harpoon. It thrummed ever so slightly as he held it in his hands, its silvery sheen masking its age and exposing its mystical nature. A round dark blue gem seated in the foreshaft below the harpoon’s head flashed briefly as he gripped it. He then slid it into the slots stitched into the back of his vest and headed back outside, pulling the wheel lock out. He exhaled slowly as he took a loose grip of the wheel and allowed the rudder to drift slightly as he closed his eyes to focus his thoughts.

In his mind formed an image of a flat and endless ocean, in the distance; vague silhouettes of the approaching vessels appeared. The illusory ships caused the imagined water around them to ripple. Suddenly the ripples formed into waves and Blackeye quickly snapped back to reality and drew his harpoon. With the quick upward motion of it, a geyser of water rose beside the ship, and just as the sound of an approaching cannon ball reached the ears of those on deck, the geyser readily intercepted the shot, throwing it entirely off course and plopping it in the ship’s wake.

“Bilge drinkin’ scallops think they c’n take ol’ Blackeye from that far out… HAH!” the Captain thrust his harpoon in the direction of the ships and a sizable swell rushed toward them, forcing the ships off course and throwing off the following volley of shots just as they fired. “HANG ON LADIES, WE’RE MOVIN’ IN!” Blackeye spun the wheel hard and the ship took a sharp turn, now quickly moving toward the opposing vessels. “LET’S SEE YOU FIND YOUR RANGE NOW!”

Cannon shots flew over and beside the God’s Fortune as it charged toward the enemy flotilla with great speed. Blackeye called down through the voice pipe. “READY TO FIRE, STARBOARD SIDE!”

With the gunlock lanyards in hand, Wally and Hector readied themselves for the force and noise of the firing to come.

The God’s Fortune raced up to the ship furthest to the left of the formation, putting its broadside squarely in the cannon’s crosshairs. For barely a second, Blackeye’s senses picked up on something that made no clear sense; he quickly ignored it and shouted, “FIRE!”

The small cannons roared without fail, punting their ammunition into the hull of the enemy ship. Blackeye turned the Fortune for another pass as a bizarre sound drowned out all others. The air around the struck vessel began to shatter like heated glass and explode into a shower of what could only be called dark light. When the paradoxical cloud of non-light faded, beneath it was the rotted remains of a sailing ship. The wood was black and soaked, massive gaps filled with wriggling tangible darkness dotted the whole structure, and the sails were a tattered and stained mess of red cloth with a barely visible sickle of silver across their surface. On deck, the once barely visible figures of sailors became clear. To those aboard the Fortune there was no doubt, before them was a ghost ship, crewed by the dead.

The visibly damaged, waterlogged, and slightly bloated corpses of Icthyite sailors shuffled aboard the now exposed enemy ship, still working their stations long after life had left them. Rozzi could almost make out the sounds of their gurgling, raspy voices shouting out the Fortune’s position to whoever captained the ship.

The captain snorted scoffingly. “Isto the Red’s fleet… Back from the abyss. I’LL BE HAPPY TO SEND YOU ROTTING SCOUNDRELS BACK TO IT! WALTER, CANI, BACK ON DECK, CANNONS ARE NO GOOD HERE!”

The two other ships in the enemy flotilla dropped their illusions with as much fanfare as the first, repositioning themselves to assail the Fortune. As the ships turned, a figure was revealed on the largest of the three, positioned in the middle of the formation. Standing on the very end of the ship’s spar was the Ragged Rogue, his sickening and muffled laugh somehow crossing the distance. Rozzi grit her teeth to force down the feelings of panic that jolted up her spine, driving her mind to focus on the now and not her prior encounter with the otherworldly monster. As she did, she noticed something out of place.

The Rogue seemed larger somehow, and less patchwork. She wondered if it meant he was stronger than he’d been, and if so, were all of Kota’s Generals growing in strength?

Wally and Hector arrived on the deck just as the opposing flotilla had adjusted course.

“So its Ghost Ships now…” growled Hector.

“Aye, not my first either.” replied Blackeye who’d turned to face them. His attention quickly focused on Wally, who’d brought a barrel filled with cannon balls with him. “What’s that all for?”

“Well, I had a thought. Since we can enchant our weapons with magic, I wondered if one could do that with anything, in this case the cannons. Hector said yes, but there were two problems, One I’d only be enchanting the cannon, not the balls themselves, and two the more you use a weapon the more of your magic it can handle.” Wally set the barrel down with a considerable thud. “So I wouldn’t be able to enchant the cannon balls as much as the Flare. Therefore we make up for power with numbers!”

It was then Blackeye realized that Wally had easily carried a barrel full of cannon balls up from the gun deck without a drop of exhaustion or strain to show for it. “Just… how d’ya plan on doin’ that?”

Wally easily scooped up two cannon balls, one to each hand, and hopped up on the ship’s railing. Using his tail to keep himself steady against the rolling of the waves, he carefully gauged the distance between the leading ship and himself, and reared back his right arm. The ball was then engulfed in bright magical flame, gleaming like it’d just come from a blacksmith’s furnace. Wally then pitched it as hard as he could, striking the enemy ship across the bow with a powerful explosion of fire, shaking the entire ship from stem to stern.

“BY THE EASTERN GALES!” Blackeye watched in awe as the mystic fire danced across the old and seawater drenched wood of the ghost ship, spreading unimpeded until the waves coming off the keel doused them. “You pitched that faster than any cannon I ever seen! How in the world d’ya pack that much power in such a small body?”

Wally shrugged as he tossed the other cannon ball to his right hand and pitched it, blowing another burning hole in the nearest ship.

The captain laughed triumphantly. “RIGHT! Mister Walter to the foredeck! The rest of ya cover ‘im! WE’RE TAKIN’ THESE LOT HEAD ON!” He steered the ship hard to port to take them back toward the flotilla.

Wally hopped down, hefted the barrel and rushed to his place flanked by Hector, Wistea and Rozzi when he finally caught sight of the Rogue. Without a second thought he plopped the barrel down, picked up another ball and pitched it directly at the rag monster only to see the ball cleaved to pieces mid-flight, falling to the sides of the targeted vessel. Daylight glimmering on their narrow surfaces revealed the cause, thin snaking threads from the Rogue’s body.

“Of course,” muttered Wally angrily before a flash of inspiration overrode his frustration. “Rozzi! Come here, I have an idea.” Rozzi approached as he held up a cannon ball. “Now see if you can put your magic in while I do…”

Rozzi’s smile was almost devious as she happily placed her hand atop the ball. The sensation was an odd one as their magics intermingled within the heavy mass of iron, causing it to vibrate slightly. Briefly the two of them felt as if their hearts were somehow seated next to each other in their chest. Instead of mystic flames, what coated the ball was more of a halo of bright light that flickered like candle light over its surface. Wally pitched it at Kota’s General where, in mid-flight, it exploded into the form of a whirling tornado of flames that wildly veered off course and bashed into the vessel left of its intended target.

However, the force of the blast was enough to blow the keel clean off the ship. Dark tendrils desperately grasped at splintering, burning wood as seawater rushed in and began to drag the damaged ship back down to where it belonged.

The Rogue reached his hand out to the sinking vessel and the barely visible threads from his body yanked up several decaying sailors and flung them like violent marionettes at the Fortune.

“POLLY! JUMP DOWN!” Shouted Blackeye.

The young Icthyite girl quickly dove from the crow’s nest just as a strung along carcass crashed into it and shook the foremast. The captain caught her easily, setting her down on her feet. “Stay by me sunshine, things are gettin’ ugly.”

She nodded and gripped the hilt of her small dagger as she watched the other corpses slap hard onto the deck and railings. The undead sailors moved slowly at first, their rotten muscles yanking on the bones they barely held as they sloshed about in search of targets.

Immediately, Wistea whipped one off the ships railing before it could climb up, the sound of her vine striking it down almost a cue for all the others to mobilize. Wally kept throwing cannon balls at the flotilla, hoping to prevent the two remaining ships from firing anything else as Hector, Rozzi and Wistea moved to block for him. Hector parted one of the ghastly assailants clean down the middle, sparks racing out from where he struck, only to have both halves topple to the ground while still grabbing and flailing at him. “DAMN! Cutting them doesn’t work! Improvise!”

Rozzi smirked. “I got an idea! Wistea, can you try and herd them together?”

“Umm… OH! Yes! I can!” Wistea tapped her hand to the deck, a flash of green light sliding outward from her touch, followed by rapid shoots of bamboo instantly growing at bizarre angles, slamming into the befouled sailors and forcing them to cluster.

Rozzi quickly took up some spare rope from the deck and dashed around the amassed undead, wrapping it around them tightly before she handed the far end to Wally. “Flick of the wrist if you wouldn’t mind, dear.”

Wally looked at the rope and the struggling monstrosities before easily understanding her plan. Taking up as much of the slack as he could around his forearm, he dragged them off their rotting feet and into a spin. The disgusting mass rotated faster and faster over their heads before, with the suggested wrist flick, Wally flung the whole decomposing mess off into the mast of the second enemy ship, demolishing it and part of its deck as well.

Any possible celebration at the minor victories thus far faded from thought as the Ragged Rogue began to laugh once more. The sickly unnerving sound drew everyone’s attention, toward the general, still on his perch. “FLAREBEARER! I SEE YOU’RE FINALLY LIVING UP TO THE TITLE! WHICH IS WHY WE WILL SHOW YOU NO QUARTER!”

Everyone readied themselves for whatever could come, but it was Captain Blackeye to make the first move, slashing his harpoon in the direction of the ship’s aft, summoning a wall of water to block an almost unexpected barrage of cannon fire, two shots were stopped dead by the mystically aided water but a third slipped past and rocketed toward the deck where Wally leapt up to intercept, hooking his foot around it and kicking it away from the ship.

From behind the wall of water three more ghost ships appeared, approaching the battle rapidly.

Blackeye growled quietly, he hated running from a fight, but he could always see one he couldn’t win without losing more than he’d like. “MISTER WALTER!” He waved Wally in close and spoke quietly. “Whip us a distraction if y’can, we’re leavin’ in a big hurry.”

Wally nodded and spread the word quietly to everyone else who moved into position. The wallaby himself stood in the center of the deck and drew the Stellar Flare. “… Right, this should work…” He held the sword high above his head and took a deep breath. “EIGHT GODS INTO ONE MOMENT, FROM MY SOUL INTO THE WORLD! DRAGON’S CALDERA!”

From the blade sprung a spire of fire that rose into the air above the God’s Fortune and blossomed outward like an infernal fountain, cascading around the ship to flash boil the seawater beneath it creating a rapidly expanding fog of steam.

There was the sound of cannon fire, and old ships creaking before a piercing whistle and a rapidly accelerating God’s Fortune raced out of the handmade cloud, rocketing away from the deadly melee.

The Ragged Rogue shouted, “YOU USELESS UNDEAD SCUM! TURN THE SHIP! GET US OUT OF THIS FOG!”

The ships all groaned, creaked and shuddered violently, from what the Rogue could see of the other ships; they all seemed to be locked in place. As the fog lifted the reason was made clear. Dense ice had formed around their hulls, adding stress and weight to the already barely held together wrecks and locking their rudders.

A voice behind the Rogue spoke up. “It appears, my General, that Cofresi hasn’t lost a step, even at seventy-two.”

“BAH! MISERABLE OLD FISH! Ah… But I best control my temper. This can work for us, with them sailing to whatever safe spots they have, we can return to our mission. Now get us moving before I get bored, Isto!”

“As you wish, General.”

---

The God’s Fortune sailed until nightfall with all hands on deck, every set of eyes watching the horizon for any pursuers. Finally a large waterlogged cave provided the cover they sought to anchor down for the night. Once there, everyone was ready simply sit and rest out the stress of the day, but Wistea called Wally and Rozzi aside. She sat them down across from one another on deck. “Now, please hold hands.”

The two shared a speculative look before both shrugged and did as she asked.

“Now, channel magic like you would to enchant your weapons.”

They both looked down at their hands briefly with a bit of concern before looking up.

“Count of three?” Wally said.

“On three.” Rozzi answered.

They both silently counted as tiny jets of wind and wisp of flame danced down their arms. Slowly, the space between them filled with the same white light they’d created earlier that day. It was small, and flickering, and once again it felt as if, somehow, their hearts were beating alongside one another’s before the feeling quickly fated and the small light banished in a tiny tumult of wind and fire.

Wistea crossed her arms and hummed thoughtfully. “It is a start… The Wind and Fire attributes relate positively on the Wheel of Creation, so the two of you should be able to produce a stable unified result with some work. Maybe with a bit of practice…”

“Maybe they should kiss!” Shouted Polly from her seat on a barrel a few feet away.

Wistea yelled back over her shoulder. “Y-young lady! T-this is a very serious matter! Please do not disrupt it!”

“Huh, I was right; her leaves totally go darker when she’s embarrassed.” Rozzi said casually.

Turning back to the two of them she stomped a foot in frustration. “R-Rozzi! Please take this seriously, if you and Wally can combine your magic, it may give us a considerable advantage against that ghastly fleet out there.”

“Not tonight,” Captain Blackeye said as he finished inspecting the foremast for damage. “Need us all up bright and early, so we’re beddin’ down now. Mister Walter you’re on first watch so you sleep most of the night after your shift.

Wistea sighed. “I… Suppose we will pick this up tomorrow then.”

As everyone else set to leave, Wally began to stand when he realized Rozzi was still holding his hands.

Wally readied himself for more playful derision and teasing when he saw that Rozzi’s expression was one he hadn’t seen before. It was so outside her normal range that he could hardly recognize it as shyness.

“Wally… Did you… I mean, when we tried this did it feel like, I dunno… Our hearts were like, right next to each other?”

He nodded slowly. “Happened again just now, so I guess that’s supposed to happen.”

“Oh! Good, not just me then! That makes me feel a little better.”

Wally cocked his head to the side curiously.

“Okay so maybe, JUST maybe. I thought very briefly that… I dunno… I was holding you back.” Wally was about to say something when she continued. “I mean, you’re Mister Magical Destiny n’ you’re carryin’ around a literal gift from the gods and I’m just…”

“Someone who’s helped save my life more than a few times? Rozzi… Where’s this coming from?”

“I know, I know, it’s silly, but… It was there and if I didn’t say somethin’ it’d’ve just festered, y’know?”

Wally nodded again and held her hands a little tighter. “Let’s try it one more time before bed, eh?”

Rozzi took a moment to steady herself and nodded when she was ready.

As their hearts came into sync once more, the bright halo of light flickered into being once more before them. The two chose a single point within the light to focus the energy before finally, with a kaleidoscopic flash of light, a small whirlwind of bright orange flame danced in the air between them before flitting out of existence.

Overcome, Rozzi sprang forward and hugged Wally tightly, laughing happily.

Wally happily hugged her back. “There see? I knew we could do it!” He waited a few moments until she pulled away, except she didn’t. “Um… Rozzi…”

“Not done yet,” she replied.

Wally, if reluctantly, let her take the time she needed.

A minute or so later she spoke up. “You know I could just fall asleep like this.”

“Rozzi.”

“… Carry me?”

“Rozzi!”

“Alright!” She giggled and pulled herself away. “But I’m expecting double next time.”

“… What on Mondia do you mean by ‘double’?”

Rozzi smiled coyly and winked before walking away, humming happily as she went.

Wally sighed and shook his head, a clear smile on his face as he headed up to the foredeck to begin his watch. He began to idly play with the knoka nut bracelet his sister had given him before leaving home, silently relishing in the respite of the night, knowing moments of calm would become sparser as time went on.

<[Chapter 12]–[Index]–[Chapter 14]>

[darlingpeter]

longest tag game ever!!

rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

i was tagged by @maybe-mikala!! (and you can tag me in anything, friend!! :-) )

i know this is a total cop-out but i don’t have many friends on this blog, so if you see this and want to do it, please do!! and also please tag me!! and also come say hi and be my friend if you wanna!!

the last…

1. drink? water

2. phone call? my best friend kalli in terms of personal, but i called my boss today about my hours next week

3. text message? kalli again, whoops! we’re getting breakfast and burning all of her passed back papers from all 4 years of high school tomorrow!!

4. song you listened to? bad behavior by the maine!

5. time you cried? watching moana oh my god

6. dated someone twice? never actually ever been asked on a date or anything lmao so no

7. kissed someone and regretted it? also never been kissed believe it or not

8. been cheated on? see above

9. lost someone special? yes

10. been depressed? am currently and for the last 6 years

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? i’ve gotten drunk but never enough to throw up!

favorite colors

12. peach!

13. turquoise!

14. pale pink!

in the last year, have you…

15. made new friends? yea!!

16. fallen out of love? platonically yes

17. laughed until you cried? absolutely oml

18. found out someone was talking about you? yeah

19. met someone who changed you? yes yes yes absolutely :-)

20. found out who your friends are? yes (thanks senior year and graduation)

21. kissed someone on your facebook list? nope nope

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? all of them - also i just made my facebook within the last month ha

23. do you have any pets? i have two english mastiffs!! daphne, who’s 9, and bailey, who’s 3! they both like apple slices, being spooned, sunbathing, and sleeping. they’re both from a local rescue and started as fosters but apparently we’re an awful foster family because we have ended up adopting 2/2 times! 

24. do you want to change your name? i like my name now!

25. what did you do for your last birthday? i got thai food with my friends and took a good nap

26. what time did you wake up? 7:30 today to feed my dogs and then go to work

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? probably snoring lmao

28. name something you can’t wait for: i have a friend in the uk that i’ve been friends with for like 5 years and we haven’t met each other and we’re making crazy adventure plans where he meets me here first and we see all the good pnw sights and then i’ll visit him there eventually and there’s going to be hiking and beach trips and fun eating spots and movie marathons and i’m so excited

29. when was the last time you saw your mom? like 10 minutes ago when she popped her head in my room and told me she was going to bed

31. what are you listening to right now? the newest album from this group called A R I Z O N A because i love them and their music puts me in a chill vibe (also is question 30 like floor 19 in sideways stories from wayside school??)

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom? yeah! my uncle!

33. something that is getting on your nerves? why are some people so rude to people in food service and retail???? like have they never worked that kind of job and learned the value of just being tolerant and god forbid KIND to someone who’s just trying to do their job ugh (some guy literally tipped me after ordering and it turned out he ordered something he didn’t want??? so i brought it to him and he like yelled at me even though it wasn’t my fault??? and this was after the only other gal i was working with decided to take an unannounced thirty minute smoke break in the middle of a rush and i was basically about to cry and he told me that he was going to complain to my boss and then took his tip back out of the jar?? but yeah my boss called me and was like “don’t even worry that guy was a jerk and you’re totally fine” and that was my wednesday)

34. most visited website? either tumblr or my google docs!

35. hair colour? brown!

36. long or short hair? in terms of how long my hair has ever been, pretty short!! i’m going to get it cut shorter before i go to college though!

37. do you have a crush on someone? not currently! but then again i have trouble differentiating between platonic and romantic love in relationships in my life

38. what do you like about yourself? i’d like to think that i’m nice and that i help to bring out the best in the people i’m around!

39. piercings: i have my ears pierced and i want my conch pierced and a little baby septum ring!!

40. blood type: O positive, so i’m a universal donor! i also have lots of iron in my blood so i donate as often as i can :-)

41. nickname: em, e, emilia, lil bab, little e

42. relationship status: single

43. zodiac: virgo sun and pisces moon!

44. pronouns: she/her

45. favourite tv show: psych, shameless, masterchef, rupaul’s drag race

46. tattoos: i am an underage child

47. right or left handed: right!

48. surgery: none

49. piercing: ears only, single lobe!

50. sport: i played softball for 8 years (catcher and first basemen), volleyball for 6 (right side hitter and back row), but now i do track!! i do all 4 throws - shot put, hammer, discus, and javelin - was varsity both years i competed in high school, made it to the regional competition of the junior olympics, i won my conference and got 3rd in state in shot put, and won a track athlete of the year award from a local newspaper recently!! i’m going to compete in college and see how far it takes me! :-)

51. vacation: i count my day-long excursions as vacations and me and my twin sister recently spent a day at the oregon coast!

52. pair of trainers: ???

more general

53. eating: i hecking love dim sum. like all i need is a good hum bao and some soup dumplings and i’m good to go

54. drinking: ok but water

55. i’m about to: go to bed!! your girl likes her beauty rest

56. waiting for? someone right :-)

57. want? my next 5-6 years of school to be paid off lmao

58. get married? yeah! i’m hoping someday!

59. career? i wanna teach world history/humanities at a high school level or higher!

60. hugs or kisses? i’m definitely a hugger

61. lips or eyes? um um um eyes?? i guess

62. shorter or taller? it really depends on the person imo!!

63. older or younger? as long as the law is taken into account anything is good :-) 

64. nice arms or nice stomach? nice arms are nice but personally i am a fan of soft tums!! they’re so underappreciated!

65. hook up or relationship? relationship!! i like the idea of getting so close to someone that you know all their little quirks and like what they’re gonna say before they do and just like being best friends

66. troublemaker or hesitant: i’m mostly hesitant

67. kissed a stranger: nah

68. drank hard liquor: ha yes

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: i don’t have glasses or contacts!

70. turned someone down: yep

71. sex on the first date: i haven’t personally but i wouldn’t be opposed if i really liked the person

72. broken someone’s heart: i hope not :-(

73. had your heart broken: yeah

74. been arrested: no

75. cried when someone died: yes yes yes

76. fallen for a friend: i think so

do you believe in…

77. yourself? i’m getting better :-)

78. miracles? i think that the world just kind of goes in its own way and everything that happens is meant to!

79. love at first sight? yeah!

80. santa claus? nope

81. kiss on the first date? only if you wanna

82. angels? my favorite comedian says that an angel is someone who can make you laugh or smile in a situation where you think you can’t and i follow that belief!

83. current best friend’s name: kalli! there’s also beth, ahmed, celina, and melissa!

84. eye colour: hazel!

85. favourite movie: stardust, the a team, the secret life of walter mitty, school of rock, brother bear, ocean’s eleven, ratatouille!!