#but idk a lot of the time it doesn't feel like that

[xyriscomplanata]

I think a lot of able bodied ppl don't feel comfortable portraying disabled characters either because they're afraid of doing something wrong (valid but. Hey if it comes across as insensitive you can always adjust that's better than erasing it completely) or just because they're that subtle ableist where disabled people make them deeply uncomfortable and they don't wanna look at them. Or they like, want to make the character better so obviously you take away what's "wrong" with them right?

Idk, it's weird because how many AUs do you see where a character with glasses just...suddenly doesn't wear glasses anymore? Same principal just "less extreme" than "oh Edward's arm is actually a tattoo now" rather than giving him a non fantasy prosthetic. Idk idk. Fandom and subtle (or sometimes blatant) ableism. Fandom and subtle misogyny. Fandom and subtle homophobia. Tale as old as time

every time someone takes a canonically disabled character and puts them in an au that takes away their disability and makes them able-bodied an angel dies violently

[cherie-doll]

I have this brainrot for a while now

Which cod man would be the most husband material, who waits for the shortest amount of time before getting married? And who would be the one who would be fine with not getting married at all? And where are the rest of them?

How many kids would they want if they want?

I don’t need sleep, i need answers!😭

sorry for the delay my wifi is so slow, we just got a new batch of snow down here and tbh it might be affecting my internet

✧ Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Rudy, Phillip Graves, Makarov, Keegan, König, Horangi, Nikto

��ᩚ Price... he's PERFECT husband material. Cut from the finest cloth I'm SO normal about him. You've just observed his behavior closely and he doesn't do annoying things like leaving his clothes lying around on the floor or leaving unwashed dishes in the sink. He def want to get married, but doesn't wait too long nor asks you right away, he'd time it just right. As for kids? Maybe he could convince you to have one or two...

ᰍᩚ Ghost... he doesn't realize he can lowkey be a good husband. He thinks he's not willing to adapt to anyone, given how much stuff he's been through. A relationship isn't the worst thing he's had to go through, he's gone through worse, so why is he thinking about it so much? He doesn't want to enter a relationship with only half a heart, not mindlessly. But he knows his feelings towards you don't come from nothing. His feelings would have to be resolved before you even started dating, so that afterwards everything progresses pretty smoothly. And after marriage, kids? Maybe idk.

ᰍᩚ Soap... he probably had your entire life planned out before he confessed. He knew he loved you, was convinced he wanted to marry you and needed to have kids. So, he waited the least amount of time to marry you. There's lots of things he could improve on as a partner but the good thing is he's willing to make any and all of those changes for you. His respect will never run dry, he won't let desperation take ahold of him, always letting you know one way or another he still cares. It was up to you to decide how many kids you'd be okay with but if it were up to him... yk what better not go there.

ᰍᩚ Gaz... Perfect boyfriend AND husband material. He loves showing affection with the little things, a cup of coffee or tea and cuddling when you feel down or taking care of chores when you need a break. Simple things that he does on the daily that in the long run fortify your relationship. The amount of time he waits before asking you to marry him depends and it's all on how you want your relationship to progress. He's surefooted in his decisions so after the initial stages of the relationship when he's gotten to know you very well, your faults and what he loves about you, he just lets you know that if you want to take that step, he's more than ready to do so. He def wants kids, at least three.

ᰍᩚ Roach... oh my sweet boy ToT. He's such boyfriend material and in time will no doubt grow into a loving husband. He very deeply cares about your connection and how deep it runs between you both. The topic of marriage comes up at a very proper time in your relationship, it's when all he can think of is holding your hand every day, how comforting your presence is to him and how this couldn't ever revert into something casual. Marriage is a definite yes for him. Kids are something he wouldn't think of right away. Maybe a few years down the lane, and maybe one.

ᰍᩚ Alejandro... you made him wish impossible things. How you've made him feel, the sensations not only running smoothly over his skin but finding a way to penetrate deeply, to make him desire nothing else but a life with you. Marriage was the ideal way to continue living in that daydream. How he wishes the days were endless, so he can rejoice for eternity with you. If this was what made him wish to be better, then he was surely husband material. In time, he'd want to start a family with you, to create life, to have little ones to take care of. Three or four kids would occupy his days.

ᰍᩚ Rudy... is THE blueprint for all husbands out there to follow. He's very patient, his voice soothes you, could lull you to sleep. Always listens to you even if you rant, if you point out a flaw of his he works to be better. Never pushed you into doing anything, even when he could already hear the wedding bells ringing, he wanted you to make this decision on your own. In the back of his mind, he most likely already had baby names planned and asked if you wanted kids. He def did and wanted three. He thought it was the perfect number.

ᰍᩚ Phillip Graves... husband material at its FINEST. He's not only charming and a gentleman as a boyfriend but also as a husband. He just couldn't wait to put a ring on your finger so he did want marriage very soon. There is no way he'd NOT want children, he's just as much father material as he is husband material. I've said it before but he was made to father children and I will die on that hill. He loves going everywhere with his son, showing him how to run a company and then he gentles when his daughter is born, doing everything she wants.

ᰍᩚ Makarov... husband material at the core. Deep on the inside he can be genuine and want to care for someone. He likes having someone to depend on him, under his care, leaning on him for that strange affection that isn't found anywhere else. It would be hard to refuse him with the amount of gifts he sends to sweeten you up and coax you to accept his proposal that came too soon for your liking. But look at it this way, he'll always provide everything you'll ever need and want and in exchange you only have to agree to marry him, live with him and... kids. Yes, he wants kids. A numerous family preferably.

ᰍᩚ Keegan... is quite levelheaded when it comes to relationships so he's fine with staying your boyfriend and living with you or becoming your husband when you marry. He could improve on becoming peak husband material but you're lucky if he picks up his clothes from the floor and places it in the laundry basket instead. He thinks having no kids is better until you get a scare thinking you might be with child and he gets excited until you call false alarm. He felt disappointment and then realized he did want kids after all. Would be fine with just one but wouldn't completely be against having another one later on.

ᰍᩚ König... it's not him you have to worry about when it comes to marriage. He's got to watch out for himself because YOU'RE going to wife him up, otherwise he'd never get around to asking you to marry him. Not that he wouldn't want to but he's thinking when would be the perfect moment to ask and he's always thinking, "I'm going to ask them next date", and another date comes and goes by and then another and another... He'd learn to be so loving with kids you just gotta convince him he CAN be a good father. I don't know how many he could handle though.

ᰍᩚ Horangi... he's fun but he's prob best as a boyfriend. Not that he could never be a husband because he can, but he'd be completely fine with not marrying. If you're expecting him to bring up the question and get down on his knee for you... then you're probably setting yourself up for disappointment. It'd take him a while and you'd have to hint at wanting marriage, because otherwise he wouldn't mind just moving in together. I know I used to say he'd want marriage quickly but idk man my perception of him changed. He might get baby fever (rare) and he might ask for ONE kid them, but don't think he's the type for them much.

ᰍᩚ Nikto... if he does open up to wanting a relationship you've got to work with him on the long run. He might be closed off to certain things simply because he might not see a point in progressing in that field, but once he sees that you respect him and don't force anything, he'd def want to marry you. I'm not exactly sure how long he'd wait before proposing to you, honestly it all depends but once he grows attached to a person he wouldn't want to be apart from them so I'm guessing he'd tie the knot pretty soon. The topic of kids is something he's very hesitant of, he rarely gets baby fever, like ever. It'd have to be a lot of convincing on your part. But he might be okay with one or two at most.

[archangeldyke-all]

hope you're feeling better by the ghosting! Lesbian dating scene is hard out here 😭 have an ask if you're up for it. Or you can just listen abt this scenario I have, totally fine either way just wanna let these thoughts out. And you're my fav sevika writer so! It's a bit angsty/comfort ig? Basically Sevika explaining to reader why it's such a struggle to say "I love you".

Not just because it's an admission of feelings for such a character but I think it's also cuz loving someone also means you have to accept anything could happen to either of them, esp since Zaun and her job are quite dangerous. So saying those 3 words feels like accepting that risk and continue on which is a big thing to do, it's like willingly leaving yourself open to potential heartaches. Idk just recently saw posts about how love is not just a feeling but also a choice, whether to stay/commit/any other reason the person feels what love is. Felt like if the reader is the first thing she's ever cared about and don't wanna lose her (whether it's a breakup, death etc,), she would struggle saying it cuz it feels like accepting that risk which she doesn't want to. She would still make up for it by showing her love & appreciation thru other means tho! Mb the reader had anxious thoughts on whether she reciprocated, or Sevika feels bad for not saying back for so long that she felt like she has to explain why she's struggling.

Sorry if I'm rambling too long 😅 hope you have a great year ahead, love your writing as well! ❤️

i love this sm <33

men and minors dni

even though you've lived in zaun your whole life, you understand that your life's been a lot softer than it could've been.

you've never had to worry about where you'll sleep at night-- you've always had a dry, warm bed to rest in.

you've gone hungry some nights, but you're lucky enough to have never gone more than a few days without a warm meal.

and your choice in career keeps you out of the line of danger; safe and inside most of the day, home before sunset each night.

so, while you're zaunite enough to know how to keep your head down and mind your own business, you understand that for most people life's a lot scarier.

sevika's one of those people.

sevika's known grief for almost as long as she's known how to talk. she's spent her fair share of nights in the cold, and she's gone to bed hungry more often than she's gone to bed full and satisfied. plus, sevika's dedicated her life to being a revolutionary. which means sevika has a lot of enemies.

so it's no surprise that lovey-dovey words come easier for you than they do for sevika.

it isn't until two years into your relationship that you realize she's never said she loves you. sevika has to be the one to point it out.

"i think i gotta call it an early night, baby. you stay up and finish the movie." you say around a yawn, leaning forward to kiss your girlfriend on the couch. sevika pouts.

"just sleep on top of me here." she requests. you snort.

"you'll throw your back out carrying me to bed."

"that's just offensive. i could lift three of you." sevika's pout worsens. "goodnight." she huffs. "give me another kiss."

you laugh and roll your eyes. "i love you." you say with exasperation as you lean in to kiss her. sevika stiffens against you. you pull away to study her face. "'s wrong?"

"you always say that." sevika whispers. you raise an eyebrow at her, climbing into her lap to hold her face between your hands.

"well, yeah. 'cause i do."

"i know." sevika says with a tiny smile. it makes your heart flutter. it's quiet for a moment as you wait patiently for your girl to gather her words. eventually, sevika sighs. "does it ever bother you that i don't say that to you?" she asks.

you frown in confusion. "what, that you love me?" you ask. sevika nods. you sputter a laugh. "yes you do, you say it all the time." you scoff.

sevika blinks up at you in shock. "no i don't." she says. "baby, i've never said it. to anyone. ever."

oh. well, that's surprising. you furrow your brow as you try to recall an instance where your girlfriend let the words slip, and you're shocked to realize that she, in fact, has not. "oh." you say.

sevika gulps. "does that... is that bad?" she asks.

you blink down at her, and your heart shatters. "oh, baby, no." you coo, kissing her frown. "no, that's not bad."

"but-- i should be able--"

"darling, i know you love me." you cut her off. sevika blushes almost as red as she did the first time she saw your tits. you smile, brushing your thumbs over her crimson cheeks. "you make that very clear."

"yeah but i--"

"you moved me into your sacred bachlorette pad three months into us meeting. yesterday, you came home from work with a stab wound, and tried to make me dinner before patching yourself up."

"it was just a scratch."

"i'm not finished. you call me stupid shit like sweetbean and cookie-- and you do it in front of other people! you! sevika; the scary lady of zaun!" she chuckles a little bit at this. "sevika, i didn't even realize you hadn't said it until you told me just now." you kiss her nose. "it's not bad."

sevika leans forward to bury her face against your neck, inhaling deeply. "i just... i want to say it." she whispers. you nod. "i wish i could say it like you do; just, whenever i feel it." god she's romantic. you choke back your own tears as you kiss her scalp. "but... if i say it..." sevika trails off.

"if you say it, it makes it real." you whisper, nodding. "it makes it somethin' you can lose." you can feel her hot tears on your throat. you don't mention it.

"y-yeah." she whispers shakily, her hands clutching at your hips desperately. "and i can't lose you."

"you won't baby. even if the worst happens, i'm yours forever. i'll haunt the shit outta you." this pulls a startled laugh out of her, and you grin. "you don't have to say it for the rest of our lives, if you can't. i won't mind. just as long as we're together."

and that settles it.

for a while...

sevika starts practicing.

she'll spell it out to you, 'i l-o-v-e you, baby.' or she'll whisper it to you when she thinks you're sleeping.

at the three year mark, sevika can say it when she's drunk enough. it's fucking adorable.

"i have somethin' import'nt' t' tell you..." she says with a waggle of her eyebrows. you burst into laughter.

"oh, do you?" you ask.

"mmhmm. look." sevika darts forward to peck your lips, then pulls back with a proud smile. "i love'ya." she slurs. you grin.

"i love you too, baby."

"an' if this jinxes everythin' and y' die-- y' gotta make the haunting obvious 'kay?" she asks. you cackle.

"alright, love."

by the time you're married, the words are almost compulsive for her. sevika can't leave a room without shooting a 'love you' over her shoulder at you. even if you're arguing.

"oh, so you've conveniently got a fuckin' 'meeting' in the middle of the night, on your night to do fuckin' dishes?! if you don't get in the kitchen and grab the sponge right now you're sleeping on the couch!"

"it's six pm, it's a dinner meeting! i'll do the dishes when i get back! you act like i'm fuckin' negligent, but you're the one who doesn't know how to properly clean a fuckin' toilet! janna, you annoy me-- i love you, i'll be back by midnight!" she huffs as she slams the door behind her.

despite how pissed you are-- you can't help but smile a bit at her words.

taglist!

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[hemi-demi]

Sorry, having sad Martin thoughts again.

So there's this particular scene from episode 144. I for some reason forgot this happened in my first two listens (how, idk. S4 makes me feel a lot), then caught it on my third.

This is the second time we hear Daisy coming to talk to Martin in his office while he's working for Peter.

Cold AF. Hurts like hell to hear. You can understand his distrust of her, she tried to kill Jon, threatened to pin him with the murder of Jurgen, and Jon almost died again saving her from the coffin. All that tracks.

But that's not what's happening here. Because this follows immediately after:

Daisy kept coming around the office, getting friendly. Martin knew Peter was around and, if he saw anyone constantly hindering his progress of becoming a part of the Lonely, would have sent her right to it.

But he couldn't just be nice, or didn't feel like he could. Can't give a proper warning when Peter could be anywhere, and if he's too light a touch, she might see it as a call for help and keep hanging around.

So he does the only thing he can, tells her to piss off. It works. He's more lonely than ever, severing yet another connection he was even starting to form again, but she's safe from Peter now.

Which, I have to reiterate, he could have just let Peter deal with her. He is probably harboring a lot of jealousy for Daisy right now. He can't be anywhere near Jon, but now suddenly Jon and Daisy are spending time licking their wounds and listening to the Archers. And Martin is a pretty petty person. He could have kept her talking until Peter got bored and sent her away. Job done.

But he didn't. He readily admits to not really liking anyone here, and not believing anyone likes him either, but he's still trying to keep people safe. Not just Daisy – the entire institute

He's been single handedly keeping half the Institute from being vanished into the Lonely. And he does it because of Jon.

He doesn't like Daisy, but Jon does. Jon nearly died saving her. Jon did die attempting to save everyone. So when Jon didn't wake up from his coma, even though Martin was falling into his own despair, he decided to make the best of whatever life was left in him to honor Jon's memory and keep the others safe.

And there's just something about Daisy in particular being the one to reach out to Martin, as well. She knows what it looks like when you start to give yourself to the Fears. She tried to throw out a life preserver, but if Martin took it, it could have dragged her down too. Or at least, it's how he felt (depression will do that to you. You're not worth saving, and if anyone attempts to do so, then they'll only get hurt, so why even bother asking for help?)

Yet another "I don't know how to end this ramble", but just – ugh. This man hurts me. I will never be okay about this goddamn show.

[impactrueno]

The Beetlejuice movie and Beetlejuice musical are (personally) pretty different to the point I would consider each its own thing, but do you think Beetlejuice Beetlejuice could ever be adapted into a musical/sequel to the original Broadway show?

i have no idea. would it be set in the year 2048? or do we wait another 30 years to see it? do they even make sequels in musical theatre???

the SEQUEL *AIRHORNS* joke where beetlejuice mentions going on a search for his dad was just that, a joke. but they have the opportunity to make it even funnier by making an actual new show about it and making it as ridiculous as you would expect lol

also delores.....can musical bj even have a delores? he doesn't seem to go to the netherworld at all (avoiding his mom i presume) and it appears he simply spends his time on earth feeling lonely and trying to find people who can see him or tricking naive newlydeads like the maitlands. so maybe....delores could be a newlydead that got tricked by him and is now hunting him down for revenge? or something? idk i'm having a hard time coming up with anything

as for rory, i also find it very hard to imagine musical lydia with a rory. something must've gone terribly wrong for her to end up being with someone like him. in the movie, lydia is with rory because she was vulnerable, and the root cause of that vulnerability is her trauma with beetlejuice that she never got to deal with, so it made her struggle with relationships and marriage throughout her life. but musical lydia isn't traumatized by her beetlejuice, so she would remain her usual tough self, only happier since she made peace with her mother's death and accepted her weird little family as her home. she would be impenetrable to rory's tactics. so musical rory doesn't seem feasible to me unless they revamp his whole character and motivation.

and then there's astrid. astrid is a lot like musical lydia, so giving HER an astrid of her own wouldn't...be as interesting, i think. there would be no conflict. unless (once again) they rework her entire character.

so basically it all boils down to making yet another bold departure from the original source material. which means it can be literally anything they want. theatre doesn't stick to one actor per role like movies usually do, so the stuff that the BJBJ movie had to do to work around this (removing the maitlands and charles) wouldn't even need to happen in the first place.

i've always been of the opinion that the musical is pretty solidly self-contained. i'm never able to come up with anything interesting for a continuation of the musical because the narrative, character arcs and resolution all feel airtight. everyone got what they wanted and they lived happily ever after. in the original movie you see beetlejuice back in the waiting room, and he won't be there forever, leaving it open for a possible continuation where he returns. in the musical he seems to be...gone forever? the netherworld works differently in the musical. but who knows, maybe after that dramatic exit he can one day pop up casually out of nowhere like "hi" lmao

[wisteria-lodge]

About the gender in hp thing: I know JKR wrote the books wanting the patriarchy to have minimal impact on the world but even through a couple of the metas you wrote you can see that that’s not the case. In your character crying post there’s a clear implication that showing that kind of emotion is a weakness but also that it is not masculine. Equating strength with masculinity is foundational for cultures with strong patriarchies, and this idea infests every other aspect of their lives. Idk because of that and many other reasons I have a very hard time of writing the wizarding world as anything other than a patriarchy

This is a watsonian analysis vs doylist analysis issue.

I 100% do think that JKR went out of her way to really, really downplay the importance of gender in her worldbuilding - and this contributes a lot to the specific feel of the world. You could genderflip, idk. Neville. Snape. Draco. Hermione. McGonagall. and almost no plot elements or character dynamics would change. (Maybe James would bully Severus slightly differently? Idk. He honestly might not.)

Compare HP to something like His Dark Materials, another British fantasy series released at the same time, marketed to the same demographic... in which gender politics are REALLY important. Lyra conforming or not conforming to specific gender norms hugely impacts the way a lot of other characters treat her. So much of Mrs. Coulter's character has to do with how she's navigated the back ways and side avenues into power, because the patriarchy that runs *that* world is extremely explicit and plot relevant, and there's a lot she just can't do.

Now is JKR *good* at writing a gender-blind world? Not really no. So she's stripped out the importance of gender in a fairly surface way, while leaving evidence of the foundations intact. Everyone's a het couple, women take the husband's last name, Molly and Petunia are at home while their husbands work and there's no inverse of that situation, Fleur's father walks her down the aisle at her wedding, it's important that Hermione be able to tame her hair when she wants to, but for Harry it doesn't matter...

There is ALSO the narrative voice poking through and putting its own spin on everything. This is where we start getting judgment (for example) directed both at girls who are too feminine, and at girls who aren't feminine enough. Or sexual assault not really "sticking" if it's directed at boys. We don't have a character talking, in-universe, about how it's wrong for a woman not to want children. We just have a book where the only women who don't have kids (or take care of kids) are villains. Same thing with masculinity = strength = no crying. That's something the narrative framing / bias of the author brings to the table, but it's kept out of the mechanics of the magical world. I guess you could say Harry and Draco equate crying/fainting with weakness (but not explicitly anti-masculinity)... but then Lupin goes out of his way to separate 'fainting' from 'weakness' anyway.

Interestingly, gender is much more baked into the muggle worldbuilding. (Part of why I think leaving that aspect out of the wizarding world was a deliberate choice.) Smeltings is an all-boys school, so is St Brutus.' Dudley teases Harry about his "boyfriend" Cedric, Vernon sizes up Arthur and Mad-Eye by how masculine they are. At the beginning of Book 4, Dudley's diet is this very gendered conflict between Vernon and Petunia, where Vernon doesn't want a "little nancy boy for a son" - and that is one of the only truly gendered insults in the whole series. "Crybaby" almost counts... but the Slytherins tease Hermione for crying too, so idk. They tend to go for pretty gender-neutral insults, like "poor" "unimportant parents" "looks like a chipmunk" ... etc.

Like... I'm trying to imagine a scene were Lucius lays into Draco for not being masculine enough, and I can't. I think that in a canon-compliant fic, a scene like that would feel odd. The conflict would need to be framed more like a "you disgrace the name of Malfoy with your weakness" or "never tell anyone outside the family what you're thinking" or "your believe yourself to be more intelligent than you truly are." Not "you need to man up."

[aplacefordreaming24]

WAAAAA HELLO HELLO HELLO

I have so many f/o's but I'll always happily take the chance to gush about my main. His name is Ted, and he's just- sigh. He's so perfect to me. I love him so much. He's the light of my life and I always feel better just thinking about him hehehe

My irl bf was the one who introduced me to him actually ;0 and it took *years* irl for me to really think about him the way I do now!!! Because originally I watched a playthrough of the game he comes from, and,,, ngl the light he's shown in that is kinda awful? Not the worst, but certainly not the best. But then, years later, I finally got around to reading the original story he comes from (It was a short story first called "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream," and then it got turned into a game). And just. God. Idk. Something about him, just- clicked!

And like, you wouldn't think it would, because ngl he's kinda, worse in the story? But it was more just- why he is the way he is that clicked. The reasons behind how he behaves that you don't learn in the game. And so much of himself, his core character, was changed in the game. (Same with everyone, besides like, the villain). And for the first time, I saw someone who was very similar to me. I felt seen and understood by his true character, and it made me grow really sympathetic for him.

After the initial shock wore down, it all just kinda came crashing into "Omg I love him so much I just wanna make him so happy" ykyk?? The way his story ends is so tragic but I wanna believe that it isn't the end. That he'll end up happy, eventually, no matter how long it takes. And I wanna be the one waiting for him with open arms to bring him that happiness and support and love that he deserves and never got.

It's silly. It's dumb. A lot of the fandom is split on his character; some really love him like me, and others kinda hate the hell out of him. And it always kinda gets me down but yk, he's still my love. My prince. My one and only. I just try to think about comforting him and block people who hate him cause like. I get it. I get why you would. But that doesn't mean I have to, feel the same? At least I think so.

He has a lot of paranoia about people hating him. I do too, but I'm always there to remind him it's not true. I'll never hate him. He has my heart, and even if he chose someone else, I'd still love him. His happiness means more to me than some silly conditional thing.

Maybe that's a little unhealthy to say. But yk, I feel this way for all my relationships, friendships, etc. I'd rather you be happy without me than miserable around me. No point in sticking around; it does neither of us any good.

Idk. I could go on and on about my s/i and his relationship (If you've ever heard of Orpheus and Eurydice, they're very much like that, including the doomed aspect). How they're two sides of the same coin and such. But like- man. If I sit here and talk all day about him I'm not gonna get anything I need to do today done.

Sorry if this is long fnjdfjk really if you don't wanna respond you don't have to!! But ty for giving me a place to gush about him ;0

AND PLEASE FEEL FREE TO GUSH ABOUT YOU AND VERGIL TO ME TOO I'D LOVE TO HEAR IT!!! I LOVE LISTENING TO PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THEIR LOVES!!!

GUSH ABOUT YOUR F/O IN THE REBLOGS TO ME AND I WILL ACTUALLY LISTEN AND RESPOND TO THEM ACCORDINGLY BECAUSE YOU 🫵 DEAR READER DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR INTERESTS TREATED WITH RESPECT AND NOT JUST GET A "wow that's neat"

doubles and proshippers dni! Doubles you also deserve respect I'm just not very good at sharing I'm so sorry!

[shaylogic]

more emotional than i should be about crystal protecting charles when he's gonna poke what could be a ghost-slaying elemental and she's like "uhhh maybe i should do that, seeing as you could be super extra killed by that thing" and just opens her hand and he looks her in the eyes and hands the thing to her without complaint. the like. idk. her wanting to protect him and him letting her protect him.

making me feel a lot about the ship but also a LOT about them individually as characters

like i'm overthinking this frame-by-frame [making a gif] but she's being vulnerable showing she cares for him and he's being vulnerable surrendering a defensive tool to her

also something something charles feels like he has to be the protective one all the time and he also wants to be but when someone actually offers to protect him? he doesn't get macho and argue about it. a soft part of him opens to it and accepts it. because it's what he always needed. and he never really had it for a long time until edwin and crystal

[zeherili-ankhein]

Tell me the the thakumar jhuli storie please🥰

OKK SOOO TIME FOR MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE TALE EVERRRRR

This is my favourite favourite story of all time and i was so upset not many people know this 😭 there's an animated version too by ssoftoons but it doesn't do any justice to the story... So here's me rambling it out

Also tagging y'all @randomx123 @jeahreading @krishna-priyatama @foreignink @ishaaron-ishaaron-me @igotadigbickandureadthatwrong @dwarpharini @priestessofuniverse @no-idea-where-i-am-lost @desigurlie @shubhadeep385 @stxrrynxghts @no-idea-where-i-am-lost cuz the story is soo crazy and so dear to me I wanted to share it lol

Trigger warning: bitchass people, killing those bitchass people, traumatic childhood, raw meat, arrange marriage, breast milk, lowkey mention of sh accusations, long hair, and a lot of questionable stuff... And cannibalism... If that counts... 💀 And lots of swearing

So in the starting of the story, we are introduced to this really lazy brahmin. He's so lazy him and his wife are in poverty 💀 (like I can feel you sir I am lazy too!! but get some money dude) he does begging and goes with his day with the money he gets 💀

One day brahmani get's to know that the neighbouring kingdom's prince is getting married and the king is gonna arrange a feast for all the brahmins and everyone who'll attend, and gift them money and stuff.

So brahmani tells her lazyass husband to go attend the wedding and get the gold ✨✨ but dude is so lazy he's literally like laying on the floor whinning about not wanting to do any work.

Brahmin: im too lazy we are well with the money we have no?

Brahmani: go or I'll kill myself 🗿

Brahmin: ..... 💀🤌

But bou boleche so he needs to get going... 🗿🤌

........

So now while he's going he's literally so lazy and introverted he doesn't even know the way to that kingdom and didn't ask anyone 💀 and so now he's lost in the forest doing Dora the explorer shit

Then he's roaming in the forest and notices a Korir pahar (ig this was the time period when they used shells as currency...) so he's like “wtf?? there's literally so much money and nobody noticed??” but he continues to go on.. (dude is so unbothered bruhh)

Then he notices adhulir pahar.. (idk what that is but must be some kinda currency) then takar pahar and dude skips each of them like unwanted youtube adds 💀🤌

At the end he notices a gold coin mountain (mohorer pahar 🏔️) 🗿 and brahmin is like o.O seeing all that, then he notices that there's a big palace at the foot of that mountain (red alarm bro get out of there asap)

......

Then he notices a beautiful woman standing at the door of the palace motioning him to go near her. (Ig my guy doesn't know the rule to NEVER trusts sundari aurat at the middle of nowhere... Especially the one's that's calling ya to get close... 💀)

So he's now confused but get's to the door anyways... And asks her “who tf are you and why are you here???”

Sundari: you don't remember me? :(

Brahmin: ....no..

Sundari: how will you remember me... It was so long before, when you were kids..

Sundari: that we got married in this palace, it was so beautiful...

Sundari: now come inside and take some rest

Brahmin: GURL WHA-

He legit wonders when tf did that happen and why he remembers nothing, but thinks maybe they DID get married as kids because Kulin Brahmins used to get married more than once... (Now this is where I got to know this information lol)

Tho he warns her that he can't remember shit.. and she just laughs it of by saying he doesn't need to work his brain so much and can just rest without worries 💀

.....

The palace is BIG and is as usual filled with riches and golds and silvers and gemstones, BUT sundari stays alone in that place. And if the Brahmin wanted to know why, she just said a sad story and went with it... 💀

NOW here's a big plot revealed. The sundari is actually a rakkhushi who killed all the citizens of that kingdom and everyone in the palace and, just took over the place turning it into a forest 💀 (that's why you don't trust strangers brahmin bro...)

.......

So now Brahmin is legit staying in that palace with her 💀🤌 (ig they did the deed too.. lol) and he kind of forgot about his wife at home... (Bruhhh)

Sundari tells him to bring his wife to that palace so that they all can live together happily. Saying it's not her fault he mistakenly married her... 🤡 (The audacity bro the audacity!!!)

But brahmin is intelligent 🗿 he knows if he keeps both wives together they are gonna fight. And says “nahh she can stay at the city, I'll go visit her once in a while”

But sundari forces him to go get her saying they won't fight or be jealous and she'd stay nicely with her. So brahmin agrees to go get wifey...

.....

Now this side brahmani is like worried sick because dude is missing for SO long, and all the other brahmins that had went to the wedding had returned and they all said he wasn't with them at the wedding so she's like “more gache re amar bor 💀” and she's like on the verge of calling herself a bidhoba when dude returns.

That also in expensive clothes and with riches and clothes for her. So she's like happy that her husband is back and cries happily.

Brahmin tells her about everything that happened and she's like “bruhhh you literally returned back from a rakkhushi and you wanna go back? Don't be a dumbass” and he says “bu-but she's pretty 🥺 so she can't be a rakkhoshi 🗿” (aurat ka chakkar hai babu bhaiya....)

Brahmani gets convinced that yeah that might be cuz why tf it won't be. 💀 So they leave for that random ass palace in the middle of nowhere.

........

They take their gorib manush stuff (it's a joke im not making fun of anyone's econimic status 💀👍) and set to go settle in that palace.

When they reach the palace, that Sundari was already at the gate waiting for them with a big smile. And as soon as they entered she hugged brahmani like “yooo sautan how have ya been” 💀

She legit goes “we're sisters now don't worry about me being jealous hehe” (that's a red flag that's a BIG RED FLAG!!!”

.......

So anyways they stay there well and good, and years go by and now brahmin has two kids 🗿 One with the sundari/rakshashi — Shohosrodol (see see they did the hulalala) and one with brahmani — Chompokdol

✨AND THESE TWO ARE THE HEROES OF THE STORYYY✨

Well not for me I only consider Chompok my hero (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

But whatever back to plot....

.......

Shohosro and Chompok are like besties for life, two peas in a pod, two body one soul kinda close. They literally can't leave without eachother. 🗿✨

And they go to these neighbourhood kingdom school on their POKKHIRAJ GHORA BRO THEY POKKHIRAJ GHORA!!!! And study and play around and everything, they look good (Chompok looks better idc) and everything typical rupkothar golpo hero has.

Now amidst everything, while living with the humans around her, rakkhushi bbg kinda forgot the taste of raw meat and just became like a normal married mohila living with her family 🤡

But one day finally our lazy lad brahmin finally decides he's getting too useless doing nothing “khub beshi boshe boshe shorir e jong lege jachhe shikar korte jabo” 🗿💀

So whatever he goes hunting and brings back animals and stuff like rabbits or deer or swans. And the kiddos literally jump with joy each time he brings in a deer (and from here I got to know back then deer meat was a delicacy for bengalis)

And NOW NOW NOW, seeing so much raw uncooked meat in front of her our pookie cookie rakkhushi is like “DAMN BRO I NEED MEAT IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I ATE RAW MEAT” but for obvious reasons she can't tell that to anyone

So she decides she'd just regularly sneak into the kitchen take some chunk of the meat from the dead animal before it's cooked and DEVOUR it. 💀🗿

.......

Now one day brahmani notices that meat is going missing and one day decides she'd hide in the kitchen and see what's the matter.

She waits and watch as rakkhoshi comes and pulls the meat out from the window and eats it. And get's scared cuz wtf they are ACTUALLY living with a rakkhoshi.

She doesn't says anything but the next day she's like

Brahmani: didi do you know meat is going missing nowadays...?

Rakkhoshi: ....is it?

Brahmani: yeah you know why?

Rakkhoshi: how would ik

Brahmani: ik who you are stop pretending

Rakkhoshi: yeah whatever im gonna eat you and your husband now, be prepared you two would be in my stomach by tomorrow noon, then your son too

💀 So yeah... girlie went and confronted her like a dumbass in place of running away in secret 💀🤌

.....

Now brahmani is worried that even if she dies she doesn't want her son to die (mom cares) she stays awake the entire night wondering what to do. Then at dawn she wakes up Chompok urging him not return from school that day, telling him about the rakkhoshi and everything.

She gives him a small container with her breast milk in it. And tells him, if the milk turns a little red then to know Chompok's parents are in danger, a little more red and his dad is dead, completely blood red then his mom is also dead. 💀

Even tho Chompok didn't understood it completely he still agreed to do as asked amd goes to school with Shohosro on their POKKHIRAJ GHORA

.......

But on their way he kept looking anxious and continuously checked the container so Shohosro got worried and asked what was wrong but pookie kept denying and just said everything was fine even when th milk turned a little red.

But at one point he checked and it was completely red, because on that side while the Brahmin was bathing in a pond, the rakkhoshi killed and ate him then ate the brahmani. 💀

So now after seeing the red af milk, Chompok falls down from his pokkhiraj ghora while he was busy crying and trying to run away from Shohosro.

Worried Shohosro ran behind him, landing just next to Chompok taking his head in his lap asking what's wrong as he rambles and cries to him, telling him, that his rakkhoshi maa killed his parents. Now Shohosro is like 💀 cuz he's hearing it for the first time that his mother is a rakkhoshi.

Now rakkhoshi darling comes running in her real form yelling at them for Shohosro to step aside as that's her son so she'll not do him any harm and she would just eat Chompok.

BUT our hero Shohosro is like “fuck you woman that's my brother you are talking about I ain't moving aside I'm fighting you” 🗿🗿 (we'll he's a pookie cookie) and yeah... He killed his momma using his sword (slayyyyyyy like literally)

........

Now both Shohosro and Chompok are wondering in a new place thinking what to do with their life now because it's getting late

They come accross a home and decides to ask them to let them stay there for the night and goes to sleep as soon as they hit the bed.

When they wake up later, they hear some commotion happening in the front of the house, as the members of the family are arguing about something.

They are like “na na ami buro hoye gechi ami jabo” “na na ami shobar chhoto ami jabo ami gele karor jaye ashbe na” 💀🤌

So both the brothers are like tf is going on and they go ask the head of the family that what's the matter

Buro lok: so one day a random ass rakkhosh came from nowhere and terrorized us killed people here and there

Buro lok: so our king decided that we will offer one human to him every night so that he doesn't kill anyone

Buro lok: so now each night one person from a family goes and wait at that old Shib mondir at the end

Buro lok: untill the rakkhosh comes at the third hour of the night to eat them

Buro lok: and today it's our family's turn, so we are deciding who'd go.

Then Shohosro and Chompok are like

The bros: yeah we will go

Buro lok: but tomra amader otithi you can't go

The bros: you guys let us stay so now we are family we will go

Buro lok: .....ok 😔

These two bitches really argue like some pro debater to go to the death game that's about to happen 💀

.....

Now at the Shib mondir, Chompok is like “ykw im too sleepy you stay awake and I'll go take a mosher moto ghum” 💀 So Shohosro is like “ok little bro as you wish :3” and he stays awake.

In some time the rakkhosh comes banging at the door

Rakkhosh dude: bhetore ke re?

Shohosro: ami Shohosrodol sathe bhai Chompokdol ar duto pokkhoraj ghora 🗿

Rakkhosh dude in his mind: damn that's kid got rakkhosh blood in him can't eat him, I'll come later.

This happens another time before Shohosro wakes up Chompok cause he was feeling sleepy now, so he tells Chompok what to tell when the Rakkhosh comes, telling him to say that word by word before he nake tel diye ghumiye pore. 💀

......

Time comes and the rakkhosh comes too, and asks the same question but Chompok in a panic says “ami Chompokdol sathe Shohosrodol ar pokkhiraj ghora” and as soon as he said that rakkhosh is like yessss food and tries to break the door.

Shohosro wakes up with a startle hearing all the noice and as soon as the rakkhosh breaks the door, he kills him using his sword 🗿🗿 (boi is a warrior)

So now they are like okay yeah the rakkhosh is dead? and his giant head is laying on the floor? Who cares we are gonna give a moron ghum rn...

Next day people see the big ass rakkhosh's body and the news go to the king, who at first doesn't believe that someone killed the rakkhosh but later decides to go see for himself.

He comes and sees the body and is like shocked pikachu face, and opens the door to get inside seeing the head just randomly laying just like that. Then he notices as Shohosro and Chompok wakes up fron their beauty sleep and asks who killed that bitch.

They are like “Shohosro killed him 🗿” and king is like “thats it I had planned whomever would kill the rakkhosh, I'll get him married to my daughter so now Shohosro is my jamai 🗿”

.....

So anyways they get married and rajamoshai plans to give away half of his kingdom to Shohosro, so ofcourse they starts to stay at the kingdom. (ghor jamai my dear)

BUT the queen of that kingdom has a favourite dashi who's also secretly a rakkhoshi 💀 but nobody knows that. She goes out of the palace each night to eat, somedays picking up goru or chagol or somedays a randomass manush just like that. And nobody found out who's doing that bruhhh 💀💀

So Chompok, who usually sleeps late at night (just like mehhh) starts to notice the odd behaviour of that rakkhoshi dashi 🗿(btw the king built him his own palace to stay 🗿) but now dashi is alert cuz dude is literally a threat to her identity 💀.

So what she does? Complains to the queen that Chompok can't stand her and is threatening to kill her and everything (this didn't sit well with me, I feel like this perticular part had something... I feel like she was lowkey accusing Chompok of harrasment 💀🤌 cuz the words were like that)

......

Maharani ofcourse believed her favourite dashi over a randomass stranger boy (well not completely since he's her son-in-law's brother but still) and decided she'd go tell moharaj to throw out Chompok 💀 (sed life)

BUT our man our savior Shohosro heard her and he was like💀😰 what did my brother do to get this treatment I gotta save him...

So he wrote a letter saying “my dear brather I love you forever but you gotta get out of this kingdom... leave by tonight and don't come back” and send it to Chompok's place in secret (like bkl atleast have the decency to go tell him yourself 💀🤌)

So anyways... Chompok receives the letter and after reading it my pookie is getting all the bad thoughts he's like “kya itna bura hu main ma..? 😞 why my dada don't wanna see my face ever again what did I do wrong now where do I go 🥺”

But he still leaves the kingdom that night cuz dada boleche 🗿

.......

Chompok goes around like some dishahara prani in the forest and comes across a BIG palace in the middle of nowhere (why are all the palaces in some weirdass places??)

And what does he decides?

Ignore the palace and goes by with his day? ❌

Gets inside the palace because curiosity kills the cat? ✅

(And they say kids are not like parents 💀 baap pe gaya hai)

.....

Inside the palace my baby finds NO ONE legit no one 💀 (red alert bro should leave the place...) But then he reaches a room and goes inside just to discover a gorgeous maiden sleeping on the bed :3 (she's my sleeping beauty ok idc about anything else)

And he's like o.O ummmm wtf because obviously situation is so wild why tf is a randomass mohila sleeping in a sunsan palace in the middle of a forest.

So he stands there like 🧍for quite some time not knowing what to do and tries to wake the cutie up. But when he sees that she ain't waking up like that he finally notices the golden and silver sticks on both sides of her head (sonar kathi rupor kathi bro!!!! I've always known them from here)

The golden one on her right side and the silver one on her left side, and mr big brain is like “hmm ykw? Let's see what happens when touch her with both the sticks... and bro was right 💀 she woke up as soon as the golden stick touched her 💀🤌 (he tried the silver one at first too, but didn't work)

.......

As soon as the maiden woke up and saw an handsome young man standing near her head, she's like

Babygirl: who are you? Why are you here? Go away asap or they'll kill you...

Chompok: first of all lady calm down and tell me who are YOU? And who are THEY?

Babygirl: ...

Babygirl: I- I am the princess of this place, one day somewhat a thousand rakkhosh came and killed all my family and people and ate them :'(

Babygirl: they were gonna kill me too but the mom rakkhoshi said she kinda kinda likes me cuz she said I was too pretty to die, so to not kill me... (Well isn't that questionable? 💀)

Babygirl: so now I'm held captive over here and they make me fall asleep using those sticks and go to hunt and eat humans all day

Babygirl: and then they come back at the evening and wake me up and leave again the next morning.... :(

Babygirl: so now get out of here before they come and kill you too :'(

Chompok: gurl where am I supposed to go? I have nowhere to go... :'(

.......

So Chompok rattles out his entire history of being born in a weirdass family to parents dying to being told to get out of the kingdom and everything.

Babygirl: damn your story is honestly really sad... And now I see you really have nowhere to go

Babygirl: but those bitchass rakkhosh are about to arrive so ig you can go hide on the bel gach... They fear that tree for some reasons...

Babygirl: but make me fall asleep using that silver stick before you go

After doing as she asked and making her fall asleep Chompok goes and climbs the tree waiting untill he hears a bunch of rumbling dound coming from nowhere.

.......

[ Now why I haven't revealed pookie rajkonna's name yet? Idk bro the story revealed it quite late.. so ig im also waiting to give that suspense...]

Back to plot

Chompok waits and watch as all the rakkhosh come from every angles filling the palace. Then the maa rakkhosh steps in the front, waking up princess the same way he had done.

Then..

Maa rakkhosh: hmmm why do I smell human.... 🤨 Was anyone here???

Princess: ....I am a human silly (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Maa rakkhoshi: ohh right I forgot whatever 💀

Then normal stuff happens the rakkhosh(s) all whin about wanting to eat the rajkonna but maa rakkhoshi tells them not to and then she gives rajkonna some normal human food (idk where she got that tho) And makes her do some seba 💀 and goes to sleep 🗿 (like gurlie probably stayed awake the entire night just like that)

......

Next day after those bitchass people are gone Chompok climbs down the tree and comes to wake her up and then they do normal human shit like eating and all ig...? (Idk where they are getting the food tho, ig Chompok can cook?)

And then they apparently talk and do more normal human stuff

Idk what these bitches are “talking” about... So I just kinda assumed they are having some Aurora x Philip ahh conversations throughout.... Roaming around the garden and shit who knows...

Then again by the evening he enchants her to sleep and goes to his hiding place on the tree 💀🤌

And the same shit happens like the day before. Rakkhosh gang comes does halla, buri rakkhoshi makes rajkonna do some slavery while the other rakkhosh(s) try to threaten her and eat her, they get scolded and again they fall asleep.

.......

This goes on for some days before Chompok is like

Chompok: girl how long are we gonna do this hide and seek from the rakkhosh gang? Donchu wanna be free???

Rajkonna: I do but it what am I supposed to do

Rajkonna: 😭😭🤌

Chompok: .....

Chompok: do one thing...

Chompok: pamper the old hag today and manipulate her to tell you how the rakkhosh party can die

Rajkonna: ok (⁠.❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

......

So that night when the bitch ass gang returns she does some extra seba and when the time comes fakes some tears (i can fake tears too 🗿)

Rajkonna: what will I do when you die? 🥺

Rajkonna: your kids are gonna kill and eat me 🥺😭💀

Rakkhoshi: ....

Rakkhoshi: lol girl rakkhosh people don't die like that we keep our pran bhomra somewhere seperate

Rajkonna: then where's it?? What if someone finds it???

Rakkhoshi: no one can find it 😌 (lmao wait you fucker just wait)

Rakkhoshi: see the pond right there? Yeah in the bottom if it there's a snail

Rakkhoshi: on that snail there are two beetles on top of it

Rakkhoshi: if someone is able to dive into the pond and bring out those in one breath and then kill those beetles then only we will die

Rakkhoshi: BUT not even a drop of blood should fall on the ground tho or a thousand more of us will get born

Rakkhoshi: but you don't worry no one can do that (overconfident much burima??)

Rajkonna: ok ｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡

And then they go back to sleep

......

Next day pookie cookie tells everything to Chompok and he's like “ok yeah go get a jar of ashes and I'll do what I need to do”

Bro dives in the pond brings out the beetles and then they hear a bunch of rumbling all over the forest and if those rakkhosh gang are running back to the palace.

Chompok tells her to spread the ashes on the ground so that the blood drops will fall on it and then he cuts the beetles in half bringing an end to all the noices and the rakkhosh gang.

And then overjoyed and glad the rajkonna is like

Rajkonna: MY SAVIOUR MY HERO! YOU SAVED MY LIFE!!! PLEASE MARRY ME LET'S GET MARRIED 🥹🥹

Chompok: umm... 👉👈 ok 😳🗿

(And that's how you get a girl people, now go kill some rakkhosh to impress her 🗿 jk jk lol)

So they do the Gandharva vivah just by doing mala bodol (that's how it was said there and it got me curious to do research and then I got to know about the different types of vivah in hindu scriptures)

.....

So everything is going fine they starts to stay in the palace all happy and newly married pookie cookie meow meow honeymoon phase etc etc (they are my blorbos my otp my lifeline whatever you say I love these two so much 🥹🤌)

But NOOOOOW coming to reveal the rajkonna's name.... She got really LONG hair and that's why they call her Keshoboti (idk if she has a birth name or anything lol)

One day darling Keshoboti was bathing at the ghat and a strand of her hair fell (girlie is experiencing hairfall for the first time smh smh) and she becomes sad... ): (ask us woman I experience hairfall on a regular basis)

So she ties that hair to a lotus and floats it in the river 💀👹

And guess where that bitchass hair floats to? TO THE GHAT WHERE SHOHOSRO BATHS 💀💀💀 (you thought you saw the last of him? well you were so wrong)

....

Shohosro while bathing notices that a randomass lotus floating weirdly and picks it up and then bro is like o.O because the hair attached to it is three hand long, and he's like “WHO IS THE NARI THAT GOT THIS LONG HAIR OMFG!?!?!”

Bro comes back but gradually becomes depressed and kinda obsessed wanting to know who that sundari is. And neglects going to court and eating and everything.

So now that bitchass sasuri maa is worried because her son-in-law is always locked in his room and doing nothing and falana dhimkana.

And she asks him and he is obviously embarrassed and doesn't want to tell his sasuri that he's obsessing over another unknown woman 💀🤌 (you nasty shit, this is the moment I started to hate on Shohosro because wtf bro) but tells her everything when she pressurized him.

So now that extra bitchass favourite rakkhoshi dasi is like moharani ik what's the solution just gimme a bunch of sweets and a boat and I'll to the trick.

Moharani blindly trusts her favourite maid (that's lowkey kinda gay ngl...) gives her the things she asked for.

.....

Now that rakkhoshi maid, takes the boat and does some blah blah montro jap and tells the boat to land at the ghat that sundari kanya baths 💀

And the boat does exactly that.

Once on the ghat, she calls for Keshoboti saying

Rakkhoshi: yo girl you remember me I'm your pishima

Keshoboti: ummmm...

Rakkhoshi: you have grown so much damn last I saw you, you were a baby (this single sentence was the scariest part of the entire tale fuck)

And my lovable dumb blorbo of a girl Keshoboti just believes her thinking maybe she doesn't remember anything cuz yeah she was a baby (why doesn't anyone got trust issues in this story??? 😭😭)

And that S.O.B Chompok also doesn't question anything like bruhhh

......

So now Chompok had a habbit of sleeping in the afternoon (bhat ghum supremacy Chompok knows that 🗿) but ig Keshoboti got insomania atp after deliberately being forced to sleep for so long... So she stays awake.

And on one of those days, the fake pishima is like “babygirl come to the boat with me I got some sweets for you, no need to tell your husband anything we'll be back before he even wakes up”

And that dumbass girl again trusts her and goes with her like bruhhhh 💀💀🤌

Once they are on the boat the fake pishima again does some montro jap and tells the boat to reach Shohosro's ghat.

.....

NOW the fucker is finally like “tf tf tf im being kidnapped omg omg hubby help!!!” and cries but it's too late lol 💀

So once back at Shohosro's place, the moharani is like “tell us who are you we won't harm you we just think you're very pretty so we'll keep you with us now” (MA'AM THAT'S CALLED KIDNAPPING)

But my dumbass of a girl is too busy crying and just rambles something about having a vrat for six months in which she can't speak about herself to anyone. So they just kinda keep her in a room, finding for a brahmin who can say the broto kotha for her 💀💀💀

.....

And back to my blorbo, Chompok is in shambles (chhan se jo tute koi sapna playing in the background). After he woke up and couldn't find Keshoboti anywhere 💀🤌

He's literally crying and searching for her like a madman for months atp. Bro even looks like a rastar pagol with stress and lack of haircut 💀 (again im not shaming anyone for their looks don't come at me)

.....

So in those months everybody tried to get words out of Keshoboti but FAILED because she was adamant on her demand for teh broto kotha.

So now as the six months are coming to an end, Keshoboti is getting worried what to do.

And Chompok in those months had reached that kingdom, looking like a mad dude. He hears some advertisement for a brahmin who can say Keshoboti's brotho kotha and he's like “wait...a min...” 💀

Then he basically sneaks to where Keshoboti is forced to stay and then they have an emotional reunion before he tells her he'd be back the next day with a plan and Keshoboti is again like “ok hubby (⁠.❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)”

.....

So next day the stage is set, someone is finally found who said they are gonna tell the broto kotha, and everyone is waiting with anticipation as Keshoboti comes and takes her sit, telling the dude to start his bok bok.

And then Chompok starts to say and BOIH DOES HE SAYS

Chompok: *ranting out his own life story* am I saying it right princess??

Keshoboti: perfectly correct! please continue

Chompok: *life story life story* is it correct so far princess?? (That's some odd flirting bro but im impressed)

Keshoboti: yes yes absolutely please continue

Shohosro: ....wait... excuse moi... OMFG THAT'S MY FOOKING BROTHA WTF WTF WTF

everyone else most probably: 🧍

.....

So yeah Shohosro finally realises that the brahmin in disguise is his chhoto bhai and gets too much ashamed because he had fucking held his brother's wife hostage for so long 💀💀 (good for you bitch cuz I already hate you)

Then everyone ask Chompok why he randomly disappeared from the kingdom and Chompok rats out the truth that moharani's girltoy (opposite of boytoy shut up) is a rakkhoshi.

And then rakkhoshi is like “ughh damn I'm exposed but whatever im gonna kill and eat everyone now” and starts to run towards Chompok

Then our local rakkhosh killer Shohosro pulls out his sword (no you dirty minded people not that go fuck) and SLAYYYYS the rakkhoshi.

And then everyone lives happily ever after ig...

Unless this bitches get their asses in trouble again 💀🗿🤌

.......

So... That's it. Amar kotha ti furalo note gach ti muralo...

Lemme know how you liked my all time favorite story hehe...

This story is really dear to me and I really really enjoyed doing this commentary explanation of the story too! :D

Also I think I should be banned from ever using the terms bitchass, randomass and weirdass lol...

[anemicjellyfish]

Random theorizing and/or speculation post idk.

So I've said it before and I'll say it again. Helluva Boss is pretty damn good at "Show, Don't Tell."

While it isn't entirely devoid of expositional dialogue, it really doesn't seem like they rely on it heavily. Even with a few heart-to-heart moments between characters like Blitzø & Fizzarolli in Oops and Loona & Octavia in Seeing Stars, big dialogue exchanges are kept to a minimum. Character development happens over time and through on-screen events rather than sitting down and talking it all out.

This, combined with the show's tendency to both 1, let events come full-circle and 2, show generational trauma as a way to let characters break free of the molds set for them, is why I think Octavia might get the "Stolas Experience" soon.

Now, I love Octavia. If I could pick a character to make sure the writing team doesn't traumatize, it's her. (This is a No Hate Zone for Octavia and Stolas btw.)

What I mean is that Octavia seems to have been kept from the same expectations that were put upon Stolas his whole life. She appears to make her own choices and express herself in ways that Stolas wasn't allowed. I have a feeling that, now that she is with her mother and uncle, she will be held to a similar standard as her father (at least until she's of age, which is likely 18).

I feel like minimal expositional dialogue will come in to bridge the gaps in her knowledge. Octavia getting told she's "just like her father" as an insult when she's not adhering to new standards.

To bring it to a head, I also like to speculate that Stella will try to arrange Octavia a marriage of her own. When Via pushes back on this, the "just like your father" line may come back. I also think Stella will deliver the final nail in the coffin of Octavia's opinion of her parent's marriage here.

My personal headcanon of the line is something like: "oh, for fuck's sake, Via. All Goetia marriages are arranged. It's not like Stolas and I ever loved each other. *laughter* Andrealphus, could you imagine? Stolas and I in love?! How ridiculous..." (mocking fades into the background as Via processes what she just heard) But this is just fanfic-level stuff that plays in the background of my brain.

Now, to skip ahead just a little. There are very few characters for Octavia to turn to. The most likely candidate for a lot of us is Loona. It makes sense, as they've already shared some screentime & Octavia got some solid advice then. And I don't disagree at all. It's a good choice.

But I like to think Octavia has something in common with someone she despises, but who could never hold hate in his heart for her.

Blitzø and Octavia have some unlikely common ground in severing connections with those they care about most through an emotional response to feeling unloved.

Octavia's song "I Will Be Okay" uses fire imagery to burn photographs to symbolize her readiness to cut off contact with her father after she came to the conclusion that he never loved her.

Blitzø set a literal fire unintentionally when his own father valued Fizzarolli over him, and likely felt that Fizz would never love Blitzø in return.

While the parallel between them isn't completely perfect, Blitzø is uniquely suited to understand a teenager who is scared, alone, and feels unloved.

We know a good deal about the circus fire, but Blitzø really hasn't spoken about it to anyone. It's unclear if he ever went into detail about it to Fizz, and he only vaguely referred to it being "traumatic" when Stolas brought up Blitzø's love of horses.

I personally like to think that Octavia will be the one Blitzø tells about it all. I think he'll obscure the details of a teenage crush to stay on-topic. But the loss of a loving parent (Blitzø's mom/Stolas) and being left with a horrible one (Blitzø's dad/Stella) is something that connects them in ways that both of them don't realize yet.

This doesn't have to fix things. Confronting traumatic events doesn't mean those events no longer happened. Blitzø carries the physical scars of his past with him everywhere he goes, and the emotional pain doesn't always heal without leaving scars of its own.

Octavia could slowly rebuild her relationship with her dad over time. It's not impossible yet. But she is slowly gaining an understanding of how things work in Goetic society; she will likely know soon that she was only born to be an heir out of precaution. So a part of her is always going to be the teenage girl who needs reassurance that she's loved, that she isn't the obligation that she thinks she is.

Sorry for another incomplete post. My thumb is hurting at the knuckle because I over-extended it the other day and it's hard to type on my phone with just one thumb.

[brujc]

Spoilers for S2 promo content

Okay guys so I'm gonna be totally honest here it's just gonna be me being a petty bitch and rambling about my first impression on tbhk S2 (from the POV of someone who got into it not a long while ago and stopped the s1 at ep 5)

I would LOVE to say I'm excited about this second season but honestly I am more worried if anything haha...

So...PURELY ANIMATION WISE the op didn't appeal to me like uhh I feel so bad saying that it's like disrespecting the animators but like I mean I just hate how awkward a lot of shots turned out. I mean tbhk's manga art style is like super awesome and it is surely hard as fuck to animate but I really don't think the "thick lines" (idk how exactly to describe ) anime style will do justice to the manga, especially when we consider the pretty action packed and more serious scenes that are to come! I can feel some really clunky movements coming already

Like in this part of the intro, when Aoi and Kane were running towards the group idk why but it felt so... awkward... also this kinda chibified anatomy really doesn't suit some characters.

Like it makes some design choices very questionnable..

Like look at him... Because of the head-bigger-than-body choice he looks a bit weird? Like to be honest he doesn't look like teru at all, if it weren't for his iconic features like the blond hair I wouldn't have recognized him. Where's his prince-ly look? Or idk I don't care if he ain't jaw dropping but his "sharp" vibe and whole hair silhouette is gone..

(I'm super sad like I cannot express how sad I am)

Same goes for Aoi, I don't like how she doesn't have the Aoi vibe, she just looks like some random character (also is it a curse? I feel like she always have shots where her anatomy is super strange like in the flower shot above. Super big head awkward hand position and all)

Even before her major personality reveal she looked less empty than the anime one??? Idk how to express myself

Again with the anatomy, I just genuinely hate it I don't even know why it's just awkward as hell to me ( I said that multiple times already I'm really sorry). The very detailed shading and colors of the clothes and background with this very kid like anatomy and thick outlines just throws me off, idk the characters don't really blend in with the atmosphere (I mean in closer shots, sure but distance/half body shots usually are there most of the time)

I'm sorry I just can't bring myself to like his anime design...the eyes and just everything are so off..

I have a lot to fear but I'm begging please do him justice this season

Baby face again (I mean the characters are young so I might just be a shitty complainer but I just think they don't look good)

Overall I'm super worried for the meaningful scenes in pp arc, they have like chances to be ruined because of clunky animation but I really don't hope so! I can already picture a super awkward fall off the building scene with Kou or super mega awkward escape of the perfect picture with like the bike not feeling fantasy at all.

Anyway I'm losing focus! Ofc there are some fluid shots in the op but I just have the overall feeling that it won't be super good

Sorry for complaining like this but I'm just sad about the adaptation cuz I think some really cool stuff could've been done with the banger base material that is tbhk, so much potential...

I do hope I will be complaining for nothing and that the anime will in reality be very good tho (begging to be proven wrong)

[intramoon]

hi aj !! i have a question i dont want to sound rude please know im not trying to be rude. i came back to simblr after a long time and its been really hard not to get discouraged. :/ my account is really dead no one interacts with me anymore. stuff is so different. i remember you used to be kinda popular but how do you deal with people not interacting with you as much as they used to?? i dont mean that in a mean way!! i dont want to quit simblr but idk how to get back to how things were

Hi! Don't worry, I don't think you're being rude, I understand where you're coming from. ♡ My response will be long because I have a lot to say about the topic, hopefully, it will help you.

If you were mostly active when I was in my "prime" (assuming that's what you mean by "kinda popular"), like 2018-2021, things will never be how they were then. The community, trends, and how we interacted with each other was so much different, I don't think it will ever go back to how it was then. I am kind of happy about that. Although my relationship with that time on Simblr is nostalgic (despite being too young and miserable to enjoy it), I think the community is in a healthier place now (mostly). I have had to adjust to a couple of things since coming back. One is that the content looks different now.

In my "prime" people were just getting into editing (that was a time before ReShade). Heavy editing and experimental editing were really celebrated, partly because everyone was learning and learning from each other. We just wanted to see what was possible. Now, maybe partly in reaction to that trend and how demanding it was, people have found an appreciation for the base game, simple screenshots with really only ReShade/gshade, CAS screenshots, etc. Not to say the former doesn't exist anymore because it absolutely does and people have become truly incredible at it. In some regard, it is an acquired taste especially if that's all you do. I've thought to myself many times should I stop editing the way I do, does that impact the way people take in my content? Do I have editing blindness? lol I like how I edit, I enjoy the process and, even if I do have editing blindness, I like how it looks. Even being an alpha creator, they are fewer and fewer as people opt for MM and MMix. I've thought, do people really not like alpha content anymore? Even my story at times felt like it didn't fit into the current story ethos. I thought about stopping it. I bring that all up to say, when you're coming back to a very different Simblr it can feel like what you used to make doesn't "fit in". And it might not. I don't think that should be the goal. The community now is so much more diverse, content-wise, that anything you want to make is possible. If you sacrifice your artistic vision, you'll end up leaving again. You have to make what speaks to you, regardless of the other noise.

Two, you have to find your reason for making your art. For a moment, I really lost touch with what I was even doing here. I took some time to figure it out. I first started because I wanted to tell a story that talked about intimacy through the lens of a sex worker and someone who had no romantic or sexual experience. I wanted to do this without over-sexualizing my sex worker character and infantilizing my other character. I wanted to write some of the dialogue I was having internally. Way back when that was all I wanted to do, I didn't struggle with being seen as much because I was posting with a purpose. That purpose wasn't likes or reblogs, but to tell a story and have a conversation. Everything else came after. Anyone coming back (or looking for a reason to stay) has to find, within themselves, why they want to be here and what they want to get out of it. I promise you if you reconnect with that, posting will be easier regardless of the outcome.

I know I took a lot for granted way back when. Asks about me or my characters, comments, tags, and even people wanting to join me in a Discord server or stream. Sounds like we both, a one point, wish we could go back. That just means it's something to appreciate more now. You can be and make really whatever you want, which wasn't always possible. Maybe think of coming back as a small rebirth and trust that if you keep at it, you will find your people. I am still in the process of finding mine but I trust they are out there. If you're passionate people will feel it. Best of luck and I hope something in this novel helps you! ♡

[ghouljams]

Ok, just wanna say that I love your Hephaetus!Nikto.

Just a few things I’d like to say about Aphrodite. Love the way you have them written, I am in no way trying to make you change your interpretation of them.

She is one of the oldest gods along side Poseidon. Their lore dates back way before Ancient Greece and yet Aphrodite still predates him. Aphrodite is not just a soft thing. She started the Trojan war dammit. And she’s been associated with War as well, and not just in the sense that she has a relationship with Ares but of herself (then again haven’t done much research on this part so I could be wrong).

And Aphrodite is of the sea. The sea is no tame thing. It is wild. She is the Goddess of love and beauty and I’m getting a little pissed at Nikto for thinking she wouldn’t find him beautiful when it is her literal job to see the beauty in everything. Like come on dudeeee!!!!

I think the way you wrote him also pairs kinda well with the way you have the other Olympians view Aphrodite!Reader. I’d wonder if Aphrodite!Reader will ever snap on them and show them what it means to be the goddess of love and beauty.

Also fun fact, the ancient Greeks had multiple names for love that all had different meanings. I personally don’t know them all, but from what I recall, Eros is what they call romantic love.

Sorry for blabbing on, you don’t have to respond to this at all, just wanted to vent a little.

Oh no you're fine venting, I think a lot of people often think of Aphrodite in a specific way (pretty goddess of love who just cheats on her husband and is vindictive all the time) and here's what I will say regarding the way I'm writing Aphrodite!Reader:

Neither the reader nor Nikto is a reliable narrator.

Aphrodite sees herself as this wonderful loving force but she still walks the battlefield, taking trophies as often as she takes lives. She views herself as innocent in all of this drama and rumors, but she's done nothing to stop them(It's nice having Ares talk about how beautiful and good in bed she is, y'know?) She loves Nikto but she also treats him a bit like a curiosity, waiting for him to come to her because, well, everyone does eventually.

And Nikto is stuck in his vision of being cast aside by the gods. He's trapped in their mockery of him, why wouldn't he assume his unwilling wife, who begged to be kept a virgin goddess right before their wedding, doesn't like him? Aphrodite forces their way into his life, into his space, disrespecting any boundaries he tries to put up, of course he's wary of them. But at the same time Nikto only sees the parts of Aphrodite that they want him to see, the soft, the gentle, the loving with sweet voices and stroking fingers, so of course he thinks they're a bad fit. He's every bit her opposite.

The Trojan war has yet to happen in the timeline of the hephaestus!Nikto anthology, but I keep thinking about it because it will feel very out of character for Aphrodite to start a war over something as petty as vanity, but that's only because we've been seeing her through her own eyes.

Also I will say I think a lot of my softening of Aphrodite comes from my disbelief at the way goddesses act within Greek mythology. You're telling me every single goddess is vain and jealous, that they can't keep their man from cheating on them, that the Goddess of love can't find anything to love in her husband, that Artemis would turn her back on her desire to remain a virgin because one guy looked at her the right way? Like the way that the goddesses are depicted just reeks of misogyny and that particular brand of ancient Greek hatred for women. IDK So excuse me for making Aphrodite a little out of character from the myths in my attempt to give her the benefit of the doubt where no man ever did.

[lobotomy-lady]

How did you figure out you were autistic? I know this is gonna sound ignorant because I am ignorant but from my very limited interactions with those on the spectrum you act pretty differently. You are heavily sarcastic and seem to understand when someone is joking in your asks versus not even over text. Idk. I know there's like levels and stuff but you seem pretty socially aware and funnier than most so now I'm just like what makes you different from a neurotypical? I tried googling about autism and it seems a lot of high functioning people have like sensory issues and are picky eaters but like, is that it ? Just curious

I am not self dx so I never "figured it out", I was diagnosed aspergers (back when that was the dx for high functioning tism) when I was 6, my mom took me to a psychiatrist. at that time I was selectively mute-ppl at school thought I was incapable of speech bc between ages 4 to 9 didnt talk at all except at home to family. I had frequent meltdowns due to emotional regulation problems and also cuz of severe sensory issues (sound, the feel of clothing which led me to wear the same outfit every day for years, temperature). Even when I started talking a little more at school I was TERRIBLE socially. I was made fun of constantly & didn't get what i was doing wrong but they always thought I was weird & they thought it was funny that I didn't understand that I was being made fun of until they started laughing & even then i didnt get what i was doing wrong. It didnt help that i was 5'9 and 140 pounds by age 9 I was very aware I stood out a lot both physically & behaviorally

So yeah like most kids on the spectrum I was bullied relentlessly for the childhood years due to my social ineptitude and general awkwardness & it continued until I managed to group in w/ the other unpopular "weird" girls with bad social skills in junior high. Still friends with some of them. So i wasnt as much of a target then tho I was still gossiped about, ppl started a rumor that I never bathed due to my habit of wearing the same thing every day (I had multiple versions of that outfit but not as if they would know). Special interests were a huge thing too obv. I read probably 8 hrs a day mostly books related to space or when I was younger dolphins.

But anyways, bc of my experiences when I was younger I knew I had to learn to assimilate, or mask as I later learned it was called. I studied that shit like it was my PhD. I learned how to talk enough (but not too much!) I learned how to make eye contact (but not too much!!), learned how to be playful but not be rude, learned to run to a bathroom before having a meltdown in public, learned to buy different clothes out of similar material, to not be seen eating the same exact food every day for months. Learned how to not infodump about an interest unless I knew the person cared about it. I had learned most of this well enough by halfway through high school to stop being seen as a total freak, & by adulthood I was not only not BAD at socializing but actually GOOD at it, tho it still was (and is) exhausting & requires a lot of recovery time alone.

Anyways tldr basically my point is the person you perceive now was constructed out of necessity to avoid being a pariah forever which is what I knew would happen if I didnt change. I was an autistic kid & now I'm an adult who very easily passes as allistic. I've been doing it so long that most of it doesn't take much effort anymore. I've always been good at learning things. sarcasm and humor can be learned & I've been at this awhile needless to say

[knockyasocksoff2022]

Ideal No. 15

(7,119 words)

(A/N: Is this the longest chapter yet? LMAO, eat up! I had it mostly done before now, so IDK why it took me so long, if I didn't procrastinate, the total writing time was like three days, maybe. Plot bunnies are bitches, I guess. The moral of the story is: yell at me more in the comments! Only one or two more chapters to go!) 

Thanks once again to @fyodorsushankaaa for all the encouragement!

He looks like a scared puppy, readying to bolt. I have to act fast. 

It's impulsive, I know, but I'm not sure what else I can do, so I grab his bloodied hand. He flinches, hard, but I don't let go. I can't, too scared he'll slip away again.

"Dazai, you're hurt." Well, that much is obvious. I mentally scold myself. "What happened?"

He probably won't tell me if it's self-inflicted or not, but I need to know what sort of injury it is at least. The blood is spreading in a pattern that suggests a wound less controlled than razor lines. And Dazai doesn't cut himself, as far as I know. He kills himself with neglect.

He opens his mouth, then closes it, then again, then once more. Then he jolts up, trying to twist away. He makes a sound of pain so startling that surprise makes me let go when it should be my instinct to grip him tighter.

Without the support of my arms, he tumbles out of the booth. I rush to help him.

"I'm okay. I'm just a bit out of it because of the weather change, is all." His voice is raspy. He isn't even trying to fool me anymore. I won't complain. His admitting that something at all is wrong is a start.

I'll just do what I always do. Go along with it.

"If you were under the weather you should have let someone know."

"'M fine."

Suppressing a sigh, I try a different tactic. "It only causes everyone more trouble if you wait until you can't stand."

His wince makes me regret the words, but I have to say something to make him see sense.

"I-I'm sorry."

What does he have to be sorry for? I don't have time for that at the moment. He needs medical attention, but knowing him he won't let me bring him anywhere near a hospital. "I hardly care about that now. Come on, I'm going to take you back to the office. Yosano-sensei will treat you."

"No!"

He's hyperventilating, the first sign of a panic attack. Okay. I have to calm him down. What would calm him down?

Jokes!

"Dazai, your bandages are yellow. I will not allow you to let your writing hand rot off simply because you don't want to do paperwork. How am I to get you to do work, then?"

It doesn't work. Or, well, it does, but not the way I intended. He stops hyperventilating but then lapses into silence. "Sorry." He wilts.

We both sit awkwardly on the floor for a moment considering the situation. He has been eating more, lunch at least, but I can tell I'll still be able to lift him, easily. It scares me a bit, but I'm grateful for it now. It is easier to focus on his alarmingly skinny stature than the fact that he is, practically, in my lap.

His quiet voice comes from beside me, "T-the food . . ."

I don't want to ask him to speak up, but he's so quiet and his words are so slurred that I really am having trouble hearing him.

"I'm sorry?"

"The food, we shouldn't waste."

I want to shake him. That's what you care about? But I'm afraid he'll break.

"Of course, let me, uh, just."

He tries to leap away, I think, from my lap, but he just ends up rolling to the side a bit, his hand twisting further.

I hurry to the counter, give our order number, and inform her of the mess we made.

"Yes, it's almost done. Don't worry about the tea. It happens a lot. We'll be happy to pack your food in takeaway boxes for you, sir. But, may I ask why you're leaving so soon? Your order was marked as dine-in, was that incorrect? Was your experience not okay?"

The woman is so sweet, but what do I tell her? No, you're restaurant is lovely my colleague is just a bit suicidal. "Oh, it was fine, ma'am. . . . My partner is just feeling a bit under the weather."

She coos, glancing worriedly behind me, probably at Dazai, who must still be lying on the floor. "Oh my, I see. The noodles should help then. I hope he feels better soon. You two boys take care."

"Thank you, ma'am."

-

Dazai is indeed still on the floor. I look at him for a moment. There's no way he'll be able to stand long enough to get to the car. Given his state, what would be the most efficient and most dignified way (for both of us) to pick him up? 

After looking at his tender hand hanging limply, I go with the cradle carry.

(A/N: The cradle carry is more commonly known as the Bridal or Princess carry, lmao)

"I'm going to pick you up, is that alright?"

He blinks, taking a moment to comprehend the words. He must be more ill than I thought. But, to my relief, he nods.

He's warm in my arms. Not like the warmth of a lover, but feverish warmth. 

"Keep these steady, Dazai," I say just to break the silence.

He nods, not objecting to my using him as a shelf for the noodles. In fact, he crunches them as if they're far more important than tea-house takeaway.

The walk to the car feels long and short at the same time. Dazai isn't heavy, not at all, but I'm so worried I'll drop him.

As I lay him across the backseat, he grabs my arm. "No . . . Yosano."

"Dazai, you need a doctor."

He doesn't seem to get it.

"Please."

It's his eyes that get me. They're wide and round with innocence and fear, like a child's, like a stray cat's. He reminds me so much of Yozo that I can't possibly ignore his request. It would feel like abuse. 

"Okay. I'll take you to my house, but you're getting first aid either way. I'm not going to watch whatever injury you have fester. Understand?"

-

The drive takes a bit longer because I'm so careful not to go too fast or hit the brakes too hard. I even avoid steep downhills, given that he wears no safety belt.

He sits up as soon as I park, indicating that he was not asleep as I'd hoped. I shouldn't let my disappointment show. I don't need him apologising for I don't know what, again. So while I fix my face, I carry the noodles in. 

Of course, Yozoz makes her escape as I open the door. It made me a bit sad to see her go, but then I knew she'd have to leave eventually, and with the noodles in my hands I was in no position to stop her.

-

They fit nicely in my mostly empty fridge. I haven't had much time to shop due to my extended hours. This is not ideal at all.

I'm also lacking in bandages. I have plenty for Dazai's wound, but I have no doubt that the ones he wears like a bodysuit need changing and I don't have enough. I never thought he'd be here, at my residence. Oh . . . what am I doing? I'll need to order groceries.

Mourning Yozo's absence, but with new determination, I step outside.

To my surprise, the cat hasn't gone far. She paws at my car door, jumping up to the window. The relief I feel is more than should be warranted, considering she's a feral cat, but I feel it anyway.

"Move, Yozo. I need to open the door."

I don't expect her to, but she obeys. Trotting curiously to the left.

Dazai is even more out of it than before. He's like a child when they somehow make themselves heavier, only it's hardly his fault. Yozo watches me curiously as I carefully handle my colleague. She trails my steps, fascinated by the newcomer.

Once inside, I lay dazai on the counter and wash my hands at the sink. I have to swat soapy water at Yozo to prevent her from licking Dazai's wounded hand. She yowls in response. It's interesting how she acts with him as if he's a fellow cat in danger, not a human. Or maybe she thinks she's human too.

I want to start with the first aid right away, better while he's out of it, but his bandages are the one part of his body he keeps off-limits and I would never cross such a personal boundary.

I'll have to wake him, but I can wait a bit longer.

This is where preparedness comes in handy. I have an ear thermometer I bought but have never used. I take it out now, rubbing it with an alcohol swab and sticking it in Dazai's ear. He twitches but makes no move to stop me.

The device beeps, flashing a yellow 39 C. Not Ideal, but not life-threatening. 

Hmm, another dilemma. Medication will help his fever and pain, but he hasn't eaten yet. There's no way anything is making it to his stomach right now, so medication will have to wait.

"Dazai, wake up."

" . . . 'nikida?"

"Yes. How do you feel."

He just shakes his head.

"You're running a mid-grade fever, so that's probably why you feel so poorly. Now, I need to take your bandages off to get to your hand-" He shakes his head before I finish, I can feel him trembling. I'm not sure how much of it is chills and how much is fear at the prospect of revealing what's underneath that he keeps so carefully hidden. "Please, Dazai, your wound is infected. It needs treatment. I won't go above the elbow, I promise. I swear on my Ideals."

He stops trembling, stilling completely, as stiff as a board.

"It's okay?"

An almost imperceptible nod.

There's disposable plastic on the counter, my sleeves are rolled, my hands are washed and protected by latex gloves, and I have everything I could possibly need save for surgical tools, and yet, I don't feel ready. But when am I ready for Dazai Osamu? Since when does it matter if I am or not? I just have to do it.

The bandages are wrapped so tight his hand must be purple underneath. I take the miniature scissors from the kit and begin cutting. The bandages come loose, but I have to peel them away from each other. 

"Fuck me." I try not to swear, but the deeper I go, the tighter they're stuck with blood, plasma, and other bodily fluids that result from the inner layers of skin being exposed to the outside world. The bottom most bandages are closer to brown than white.

"M' trying."

"What?" What did he just say? He didn't mean- surely not . . .

"Said m' trying to fuck you, kun-i-ki-da~" His voice is strained with pain and slurred with fever.

Wh- Oh. He's delirious. Of course. As much as the returns of his clownery relive me, this is NOT what I had in mind.

"I'd do it so well, Kuni-kun."

Suddenly I feel as if I'm the one with the fever, the what creeping into my face, hands sweaty.

"Please, go to sleep, Dazai. You're not well."

"That's what the lady at the cafe said too."

"I'm sure."

I focus all my energy on tuning him out. Thankfully there's no smell, which means the infection isn't too bad. I sigh.

On the last layer, I hesitate. The bandages are still opaque enough that I can't see the skin underneath.

Dazai's other hand raises up in a sloppy thumbs up, then falls back down. He's exhausted, but I'm glad for his approval, and that he seems to be back to his silly persona.

I took a formal first aid course in High School, so the rest of the process will be easy, the most tedious part is cleaning until the water runs clear instead of red.

The skin is blistered, if he does have any self-harm scars, I can't see them. I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Some of the blisters have burst but the skin is still pink, not charred or brown. This looks to be a superficial 2nd-degree burn. Thankfully these can be treated at home.

Because this isn't exactly a fresh wound it isn't bleeding and I don't need to cool the burn, since it's at least a day old, which is good because it means I can treat it with less delay.

Given that the wound was covered, I suspect that the infection came mainly from not cooling the wound properly or allowing it to breathe, and the lack of antibiotic ointment, and choking his circulation did no favours. Scolding him would do nothing.

Once the wound is clean, I apply antibiotic cream and begin dressing it. Dazai doesn't flinch, he must be out. 

I lean down, examining my work. I almost wish I hadn't done it. A cool bath would've helped his fever and the sweating, but now I don't want to wet the dressing, and he'd never allow anyone to see what's underneath his bandages. (Even if I thought I could handle him naked. As unprofessional as that sounds, I know my limitations.) With all the weeping, perhaps I should change it anyway. I have doubt that he'll do it himself even if he's capable.

I bin my gloves and the plastic sheet and wash my hands perhaps a little harder than necessary. 

His fever isn't sustainable either, but I'll let him sleep for now, just to recover from the shock of it all.

Still, he can't sleep on my counter. I lift him as carefully as possible, he doesn't stir. I tell myself not to worry as I set him down on the sofa.

Yozoz climbs my leg, jumping onto Dazai's limp form.

"Off!" I whisper, but she doesn't move.

I have a spare bedroom, but I'm not putting him there until he's had a bath and some fresh clothes. I'll do that as soon as I can.

-

His face isn't relaxed as he sleeps, he frowns, his nose and eyebrows scrunched, still, I can't deny that he's handsome. And cute with Yozoz lying protectively on his chest, letting him use her to elevate his hand.

He twitches and shifts uncomfortably. He'll need pain medication soon, which means he'll need to eat. 

Instead of staring at him, I need to order groceries . . . And I need to call in.

How do I even explain this? Better yet, how do I explain this without betraying Dazai's trust and alerting Yosano-sensei to the fact that he's injured?

I mean, do I even need to? He cuts work all the time . . . or he used to. Yeah, I'd better call.

I swear for the second time today and dial the president directly.

"Fukuzawa-sensei, this is Kunikida."

"Yes, Kunikida, what do you need?"

"Nothing. I was just calling to inform you that Dazai and I are on a private case and we won't be back for a couple of days. You can cut the time from my pay if you like. But I just wanted you to know that nothing is wrong, no one needs to come looking for us."

"Ah, I see. Did you pick up this case during lunch? Will you be reachable in the case of an emergency?"

I look at Dazai. I can't leave him, not like this. "Yes . . . and no."

"Are you out of the city?"

"No."

"Alright. Seeing as your paperwork is complete. I will bother you no longer. But please do call again if you two plan to be on the case for more than a week."

"Of course, sir."

He hangs up. I rest in relief for a moment. Now that that's cleared up there's the matter of my almost empty refrigerator.

-

Dazai wakes at the sound of the groceries being delivered.

"Huh? Kunikida?"

"I ordered groceries." 

I don't think he understands me very well, but I'll only be going to the door, so I don't worry.

Yozoz hisses at the delivery man. I nudge her back, and she gives one final look of utter disapproval before retreating. I tip the man and take the bags inside.

When I come back Dazai has gotten into a halfway upright position, using his uninjured hand to pet Yozo.

"Be careful." The warning is a habit at this point.

"When did Kunikida-kun get a cat?"

I don't let his use of the third person worry me, it wasn't uncommon for him a few months ago."Recently. She was a stray."

"My, how charitable!"

I have to remind myself not to be relieved. He's only acting this way because of the fever.

"Helping the less fortunate when I can is in my Ideals. And right now, that includes you, Dazai."

He gasps theatrically, "Me?"

"Yes, you. You have a fever. You need to take medication. It'll help with the pain as well, but you need to eat first. Now come on."

"My, who knew the prime minister of meeting procedure land would make such a good doctor, and handsome too~"

I can't deal with this right now, him saying all these things. They say fevers make you honest, but he's clearly spouting, pardon me, utter bullshit. "Yes, first aid training is quite useful."

He frowns at my lack of reaction.

I set the groceries on the counter, and go to help him. 

"Ahh, I'm so weak Kunikida-kun! I couldn't possibly move! Carry me!"

Ugh. Now that he's more alert, carrying him feels less like a medical necessity and more awkward, without the adrenaline from seeing him so hurt, but I'd take this over him sobbing on the floor any day.

I must admit I've had daydreams about having him in my arms before, but never like this.

He won't be able to handle chopsticks, so it'll have to be broth. I can make a simple one in under thirty minutes. As soon as I finish stocking the refrigerator and cupboards, I turn to find Dazai sitting at the counter. His newly dressed hand is splayed out on the countertop. He lifts it, flexing his finger. He makes no sound, but I've known him long enough to see that he's in pain.

He abhors pain. It doesn't make sense. This must not have been part of a suicide attempt. He'd never do something as painful as burning or boiling alive, so how did it happen?

I don't look at him, not wanting to invade at the moment. Instead, I focus on readying the ingredients for the broth, falling into the rhythm of chopping vegetables.

"How are you feeling? Does it hurt?" I ask, still not looking. If it were anyone else I wouldn't count on a coherent answer, and I don't with Dazai, not really. He would never admit the extent of his pain, but I know he's aware, at least. This man is a cockroach. He's come to work with temperatures like this and higher before and none of us noticed until he passed out dramatically on the sofa.

"It's fine."

"It is" not "I am". A clear lie.

He's as stubborn as an ox, more stubborn than I myself can be at times. I have no choice but to go along. I place the vegetables in the pan with the stock and set the temperature. "Good. You have to eat before you take medication. The broth should be done soon."

He goes silent for a moment, then, "Mmm, Kunikida is so kind, getting all worked up over nothing." His words are soft, a gentle smile, almost . . . reassuring. His voice sends a wave of warmth down my spine.

Still, the sudden return of his demureness is a bit surprising.

"This is not nothing."

"Well you could have simply taken me to hospital, it wasn't necessary to bring me all the way to your home. I'm sure I've caused quite a hassle. I'm not sure how I can repay you for all of this."

"You mentioned before that you dislike hospitals, so I thought-"

"It hardly matters. There was no need for you to trouble yourself, I feel guilty now."

"Don't, you're my partner, it was no trouble at all." The words feel forbidden. It's immature, but my feelings make calling him my partner feel more meaningful than it should. He's so observant, can he see my guilt? Hear my heartbeat?

"That's impossible. I wish I hadn't troubled you at all." He looks down as he says it, picking the his new bandages. He sounds genuine, bitter and upset. Like many of today's events, it doesn't make sense. After all he's done to pester me so far, how can he feel so guilty for this? Or is it something else? Is this for all he's done in the past? That would be ridiculous, but somehow I believe it. Nothing he ever did was that horrible, it's all forgiven now. 

"Dazai . . ." I don't know what I should say, what I could say. He doesn't look up anyway.

"I won't trouble you anymore, Kunikida-san." It sounds so . . . final.

"Dazai, it wasn't-"

He's standing before I can stop him. I want to reach out to him, to stop him, but I know I shouldn't touch him much more, I doubt his aversion to contact has changed. Even with all his external polish and warmth, all those smiles, something frozen still resides within him, I know it. At times, I can feel its cold, like a gust of shivering wind, sudden, shocking . . . then gone.

And yet I find myself moving ever closer. Something deep in my gut knows I can't let him leave. I feel that if I do I may never see him again.

He sways, and sways and sways, and then . . . tips.

This time, though, I'm here to catch him. Again, he's too warm in my arms.

"Dazai, stop! You're in no condition to go anywhere. Please, sit, . . . stay. At least until you take medication. Then you can go as you please. But as your partner, it would be an abdication of my duties to allow anything to happen to you." There's that word again. Partner.

He whispers so softly, that I swear I mishear him, but it's quiet enough that I'm sure I don't. "Partner." Then he looks up. "Abdication, such a big word." The words are thoughtful, yet careless. He looks dazed. "Of course, you're just doing your job. Fine, but at least let me pay you."

Is he out of his damn mind? "P-pay me, what, you-?!" No. I can't lose my cool now. This isn't an office shenanigan. But then again . . . perhaps my scolding will be as grounding to him as his clownery is to me (am I the delirious one?)

"This is a favour, you will do no such thing. Now, stop talking nonsense!" I can't make myself call him an idiot, he still looks too fragile for that.

It seems to work, to my relief, he backs down. "Sorry." I don't like the bashful tone, but if it means he'll let me care for him without fighting, I'll take what I can get.

We sit, once again, in silence.

I'm relieved when the broth is done, busying myself with readying the bowl and placing it in front of him.

When I set it down, he looks at me for a long moment, then says a quiet "Thank you." and takes the spoon. 

His hand shakes a little. 

Right. I was so distracted by his attitude that I forgot a spoon might still be hard for him. What to do? For once, I don't know, there is nothing in my Ideals that tells me how to deal with an injured, delirious, Dazai Osamu in my kitchen.

"W-would you like some help?"

He looks up with wide eyes. Neither of us says anything. 

A moment passes, and I can't bear to wait, so I take the spoon from his shaky hand. 

He opens his mouth wordlessly and closes it the same.

We repeat the process, still silent, working like a machine, efficient. Both of us, I'm sure, are trying to distance ourselves from the reality of what we are doing. Before I know it the bowl is down to the dregs of vegetables.

Dazai nods once. "Your soup is very delicious, Kunikida-san."

"Thank you." The phrase is brief, almost curt, but I don't know how else to respond. My brain won't form words appropriate for this situation. I turn away, typing the last drops of broth into the plastic bowl the vet sent home for Yozo.

She laps eagerly, while I prepare the correct dosage of medication.

Dazai takes it without a hint of disgust, handing the cup back to me, then pushes himself up. It's too fast and he wobbles. I reach out but then retract my hands. He's not my charge, he's a grown man. He's fine. And he dislikes being touched.

I can't stand to see him go. Who knew I could be so selfish?

"Dazai, wait."

He halts but doesn't turn. His shoulders are tense. I shouldn't keep him longer.

"Just wait a bit. I will call you a taxi cab once the medication takes effect. Just for an hour, rest . . . please."

He turns so slowly I'm worried he's dizzy again, but he seems perfectly steady when he faces me. Then again, he seemed fine until he collapsed in the tea house.

"Alright. Where would you like me to sit?"

Anywhere.

"Wherever you feel most comfortable."

He nods, clearly uncomfortable again. Guilt makes my chest ache, I should let him go. He's made it this far. I'm sure he can handle himself.

"The sofa will be more than fine."

"Okay," I have to leave, I should. I have no business hovering like we're anything more than colleagues. "I'll be in the kitchen, cleaning, if you need anything at all."

"Don't worry. I won't."

-

I can't make myself stay away. 

So here I sit, mere inches away from Dazai. He fell asleep almost as soon as he sat down, despite his insurance on feeling fine.

His breathing is even, but I can see him shivering against the fever. I leave him for a moment, just to get him a blanket.

When I put it over him he still for a moment, then rolls over, still fully asleep and pulls it tight around himself. The trembling stops, and I breathe a sigh of relief. He'll be alright.

But I won't.

Watching him like this feels wrong, a guilty pleasure. This was never meant for me to see. I feel like a pervert, even though watching him like this brings no sexual pleasure, only a warmth in my chest.

I can only stare as his chest rises and falls. His hair fans out over my pillows making them look like they don't belong here, no, not that. They, and he look like they belong, but under his head, they look like something novel even when I've had them for years.

-

After many hours of fitful tossing and turning, he really stirs. And I've done nothing but watch him this whole time. How much working time have I lost? And why does it not seem to matter at all?

I don't think he meant to sleep so long. It's dark out now, and he'll surely need more medication if he even wishes to attempt a full night's sleep.

I jump up when he twitches, hurrying away, lest he think my intentions are anything other than platonic.

"Kunikida?" He calls out.

"Yes, Dazai," I answer, strolling in like I didn't just bolt from the room. How many times have I lied in the past day?

"Thank you very much for letting me stay, and for the food, both here and at the tea house. You can keep my noodles. I'll catch a cab now." 

He's up, standing on shaky legs before I can stop him.

"What?" The words fall out, clumsy and desperate. I hope he doesn't hear it.

He looks at me, appropriately confused. "Did I leave something, Kunikida-kun?"

My saving grace. The one thing I actually did besides watching him sleep."Your coat, it's in the dryer. There was some blood on the cuff, so I washed it." The perfectly reasonable explanation feels awkward.

"Oh, thank you again." He sounds so grateful it makes me uncomfortable.

"Please, don't thank me. You aren't troubling me. Your coat should be done in just a few minutes." I want him to stay longer, "Would you mind if I checked your bandages until then, I heard you tossing in your sleep." A small lie.

"I'm yours."

We both freeze. 

"I-I'm sorry?" I sound like I'm choking.

His cheeks reddened, embarrassed that I made something out of that, no doubt. Especially when I've probably said similar things in reference to our partnership.

"I simply meant that you are the expert and are free to do what you want, er, need to."

"Ah, yes." 

What do I do now?

Neither of us moves for a moment, like when you get stuck trying to pass someone in a door or corridor and do an awkward little dance. I don't want him to pass me. I don't want him to go.

Then he moves, walking to the counter, and placing his arm on it. I follow him, busying myself with readying the plastic sheeting.

He's in the same position when I come back, but lifts his arm and allows me to put the small section of sheeting under it.

I examine the bandages. I was right. As much as this is to keep him here, they do need changing. The wound is still weeping a lot. 

"I'll need to clean and change it again," I tell him, but I think he may have guessed based on the way he eyes his arm.

The experience is completely different now that he's coherent. But he doesn't fight me on the removal of the bandages, I watch his face, his beautiful face, and on cue, he gives his silent permission.

He doesn't flinch as I unwrap it, eyes scanning the wound analytically. 

He leans in, so close that I would barely have to lean down to kiss him. I'd never, of course, I could never. But the thought is very much there.

"I have seen far worse, usually I was the cause." He explains.

Right, the mafia. 

Here, in this house, I could forget. But, I realise suddenly, that it doesn't matter at all, not when it comes to him.

The process goes so much more quickly this time. I hate that I wish it didn't, but before I know it, my hands are on autopilot, and he's in fresh bandages . . . and ready to go.

Where's he going to go? Surely not the agency dormitories? He doesn't want anyone to know he's injured. Or will he just hole up inside? Or does he have somewhere else? A street corner? I shiver at the thought.

He needs another dosage of medications since it's been so long. He must be in pain, but if he's driving, he should wait to take it until he gets back. I still don't trust him with a whole bottle. But I can send him with enough to get him through the night until tomorrow morning when I see him again. I'd best pick him up and take him here in the morning. Someone might see me and know I lied if I stay too long, and his dormitory isn't exactly sterile. (Maybe he's cleaned it? I've only seen it in glimpses.)

"You should take another dose of medication in about an hour. I'll send you home with a pill, you can pick up another one tomorrow when I change your bandages. It helps with the pain as well. Actually, I should take your temperature before you go. If you're still feverish, I'll drive you."

He nods, then cocks his head. "Come here? I appreciate it, but won't we be at the agency?"

Right, he doesn't know.

I told the President that we'd be out for a couple of days, just because I'd be in charge of caring for the wound since Dazai refused to go to a hospital or Yosano, but maybe that's changed now that he's not feverish.

"I was under the impression that you wanted the injury hidden. You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital or to Yosano, so I told the President that we were out on a case. He won't expect us back." It feels shameful and stupid as I say it now, but I press on. He needs to know. "I was actually wondering where you were going. You can't exactly go to the dorms, and I'd prefer to change your bandages here where I have my supplies . . . Or, of course, I could tell him we finish early if you would rather!"

He's just standing there, frozen. I can't read him.

After a while he says quietly, "You lied to the president?" The words are shocking. Of course, they are, I'm the last person one would expect to do that, I know.

"You seemed highly uncomfortable at the thought of anyone knowing so I . . . I just did."

He looks down. Even without a fever, I can see he still feels that way. "No, no, I won't make you lie further. I'll find a place to stay. An old mafia safe house should do just fine."

"Oh, Dazai, I didn't mean to-"

"You've done so much. I am fine now. I don't need luxury, just a quiet place to sleep." He looks pale.

He's not fine. 

And I'm still not ready for him to leave, not ready to be alone with my thoughts.

He sits like a dutiful patient while I fetch his freshly dry coat. I'm not so deceitful as to wet it again.

He takes it, standing up once again. 

"Let's do this again sometime, eh, Kunikida-kun?" The statement carries just a trace of his previous humour. His eyes are far away, the deep brown irises glassy.

Just as he reaches the door, I remember. I didn't take his temperature! Or give him the pills! I grab his wrist. He whirls around, startled, looking again like a caught animal. I wish he wouldn't, but I have to admit, what I'm doing is quite creepy.

"Wait. I need to make sure your temperature is down before you go. I don't want someone kidnapping you, eh?" The joke, like most of mine, falls flat.

Something sparks in his eyes . . . and then they go cold. 

"Kunikida-san, I understand that you're just doing your job . . . but last I checked it's not your job to stop me from killing myself. Don't pretend to care so much, I am not your poor little charity case!"

Killing- who said anything about suicide? Is he planning to- Now? After he's done all this? Well, now there's no way I can let him go!

It looks like he's also realised his mistake. His eyes are stuck between wide open and narrowed to slits, it's odd. I take advantage of it. 

"Dazai, please. I just wish to help."

He says nothing, to my relief, no sour words about my ideals, or my having a saviour complex. (I don't. I'm just ever so foolishly in love.)

I'm afraid that if I step away to get the thermometer, he'll run, so instead, I step forward, placing my hand under his fringe. The contact sends a spark through me, and it occurs to me that I've never really touched him before, a brush of the hand, maybe, and of course carrying him, but never this. He's still warm. Of course, he is. In my haste, I overlooked something important. 

I learnt very quickly of Dazai Osamu's inhuman metabolism. It's how he processes all the junk food and alcohol so quickly. The medication must have worn off at least an hour ago. Has he been in pain all this time?

Oh, damn me!

"Dazai, I'm so sorry." 

He doesn't look like he's heard me. He sways again . . . and then he's in my arms.

He weighs almost nothing against me, but I can't worry about that now.

"You know, Kunikida-kun?" he mumbles into my chest, "I think I'm still a bit tired from the medication. Maybe I will stay."

"Why did you not tell me?" But the question is more for myself. I know why.

I'm a task-oriented person. I need goals or I'll fall apart, I know this. So I make a list.

Check his temperature. 

Make him eat something (somehow). 

Give medication.

Attempt a cool bath.

Fresh clothes.

Sleep.

He's completely out. I can feel his breathing, slow and shallow.

Taking his temperature is easy, getting him medicated won't be. I ought to try a cool bath first before he can protest. It will help the most before the medication kicks in. I hate to cross his boundaries like that . . . then again, he seemed to give me permission when he agreed to stay.

Fortunately, I don't have to decide. He wakes when I move him, his breathing shifting into quick gasps. I want to tell him he's okay, but what use would that have?

"I'm going to give you a cool bath. You can keep your undershirt and pants on, but I need to get your temperature down, alright?"

He nods.

Thankfully, this bathroom was designed with two people in mind, so there's plenty of room for him on the counter. He mutters something that includes my name and the words "undress me". I think he's trying to be cheeky, but it falls flatter than any of my jokes ever have.

Getting into the bathtub is easy. He weighs much less than he should. I prop him up, but with the way he flops to the side, like a fish, I can't possibly leave him. He'll drown. 

What to do, what to do? I can stay with him a bit, but I need to make more broth so he can take more pills. I'll think about it.

"Hey, you're just going to soak in here for a bit, so your body can cool down. May I wash your hair?" He's sweaty, so I may as well.

He nods, so I do.

The process is like nothing I've ever done. He "hmms" softly and I can feel him slipping into sleep under my touch. I thought that seeing him undressed (or in this case in just his pants) would be hard for me, but it isn't. All I can feel is concern, not pity, I don't see him as below me or anything, he remains my equal and as handsome as ever, but right now he just needs to be taken care of. He is not riddled with scars as I'd thought, but there is one, a large gash along his chest and other various small ones. It's hard to see them, though. In reality, the scars are perfectly visible, but when I look at him I don't see them, just those warm brown eyes. 

The bath is working, and he feels much less hot than before. He's more alert as well. If he just stays in a bit longer he might return to a normal temperature, at least temporarily which would help until I can get medication in him, but I still have to cook . . .

"Okay. Here's a towel, you have to get out now."

He shakes his head, confused as if just having woken up. Did he really go to sleep just like that? He used to complain of insomnia. How ill is he?

"Don't wanna." His tone isn't clownish, but tired, so very tired.

"Dazai, I can't- you're not in a complete state of mind, you could hurt yourself."

"What if you could make sure I didn't?"

What's he got up his sleeves now? I make my scepticism clear on my face. "Perhaps, what do you have in mind?"

"I could sing to you . . . like in that movie with the little girl who's really an adult."

"What?" I'm not even going to ask.

"Like this" He hums a note, then another. I don't recognise the melody, but it's pretty.

"Fine. But If you stop, I will come right back in here, so don't try anything."

"Got it, Kunikida-san."

True to his word, he keeps humming as I start in the kitchen. The song is very nice. I'll have to ask him what it is when he feels better.

-

The broth, a slightly different recipe, to keep things interesting, finishes quickly. All that's left is for it to cool to an edible temperature, and to get Dazai into some clothes.

I'm only 8 centimetres taller than Dazai, so my clothes should fit him well enough. I pull out a pyjama set from the back of my drawer, it was a gag gift from Katai when I went to university, with a little nightcap and all. I leave the cap and take the folded set into the bathroom.

-

He looks so soft in the matching top and bottom that I can do nothing but stare. He sneezes, snapping me out of the trace. Right, his hair is still a bit wet. The last thing he needs is a cold.

He manages to stand, albeit with most of his weight on me, and follows me to the kitchen.

-

"Why are you doing this?" He asks as I set down the spoon. I helped him again. He didn't ask me to, even as a joke, and I wasn't sure he would if I didn't just- so I just did it . . . It would appear that, in some way, somehow I'm in this even deeper than I thought.

What can I say? Oh, I could say so much. What can I say that would be professionally acceptable?

"It's my job." AH, if there was an award for shit answers.

He sighs, "AH, right, duty-bound Kunikida-kun. Poor thing." The words are teasing, but I know him better than that.

-

He makes himself at home in the spare bedroom, out practically as soon as his head hits the pillow. When was the last time he slept in a real bed?

What do I do now? It's not that late, so I can't go to bed, but I can't go back to work, and there's now ay I'd let myself leave. I can't think of anything, so, as always, I stay.

He looks so peaceful, his breathing even, face relaxed. I gave him twice the normal dosage of medication.

Despite his apparent calm I can't help thinking that he should be in my bed. I want to hold him, to keep him warm and safe. I want him to know someone needs him, someone wants him. At first, I wasn't sure this new him even needed that anymore, but his behaviour today . . . I want to wake up and see his smile, a real one. I want to be the reason for it. I want to give him so, so many reasons to smile. And when he can't smile, I want to be there for him.

Looking at him like this, a sudden courage fills me. The courage to put pen to paper. I pull out my notebook and start writing, looking up every so often at Dazai's sleeping face, just to amke sure I phrase this thing I'm feeling right (if there's any way to physically capture it. I'd try even if I knew for sure there wasn't).

When I'm finally pleased, I close the book. It's dark out now. I must have been writing for much longer than I thought. Well, I guess I should get to sleep.

IDEALS [kunikidazai]

(A/N: I've been palying around with ship names for these two and came up with Ideal Human because together these two make one perfectly functioning person. Kind of like how Tachizaki is Midwinter Snow because if their abilities)

SUMMARY:

Dazai Osamu is the farthest possible thing from the ideal woman Kunikida Doppo has written so much about in his notebook.

And yet . . . Kunikida is hoplessly in love with him anyway. Kunikida doesn't belive he has a chance with his coworker, I mean, have you seen the way he flirts with women? Straight as the rulers Kunikida used to use in his maths class.

Dazai meanwhile is also inlove with uptight but still charming coworker. But how can Dazai ever come close to the woman Kunikida has in mind?

Will these two damn idiots figure their shit out or not? God, I hope they do, for all our sanity!

(Summary sponsered by Edogawa Ranpo)

Categories: angst, fluff, getting together

Warnings: N/A

Thank you to @wildroseroguefor inspiring me to write Kunikidazai for the first time. Rose has lots of Kunikida content on her blog, check it out.

[billiuspendragon]

It really bothers me when a character (often one who is commonly interpreted as autistic) is infantilised by their fandom. I've seen it a lot with Peter Parker (Tom Holland's version) and I've recently been seeing it a bit with Mob from Mob Psycho as well.

To be clear, I don't necessarily mind when people make the characters ACT childishly in fics or whatever - as someone who owns over 67 stuffed animals and eats off a plastic tiger plate I can't really complain about that - I think it's more to do with the way the other characters are shown treating them. I might be childish in some respects but that doesn't mean I want to be baby-talked or for people to act as if I don't understand them, and when I see fictional characters being treated like that it really gives me the horrors because I just know that if I were in the character's position I would be dying inside.

I think it also bothers me because it feels really out of character, and the relationships feel like they've been twisted because like. No. That character wouldn't treat them like that.

Half the time it's just jokes or incorrect quotes so I know I shouldn't get too mad but god it makes me cringe.