#but i've not overshared in a while

[alpydk]

When my dad died, the first thing I did was go shopping for chocolate. I made jokes. The world around me didn't exist. I went into an autopilot to show that it didn't bother me. It couldn't bother me because he was an asshole. Chase's quote repeatedly went over in my mind, one that I wished those around me would understand. One that I had heard when I was a depressed teenager. Never had I been so seen, someone who just got it. It wasn't about the abuse; it was about my dad never being there.

"I don't hate him. I loved him until I figured out it hurts a lot less to just not care. You don't expect him to turn up to your football match? No disappointments. You don't expect a call on your birthday, don't expect to see him for months? No disappointments. You want us to go make up? Sink a few beers together, nice family hug? I've given him enough hugs. He's given me enough disappointments." - Chase (Cursed [1.13])

Before he died, we hadn't spoken in 5 years. Like Chase, I had stopped loving my father. I didn't hate my dad either. There we simply too many disappointments. There was no huge fight, no storming out. There was just silence. And like Chase's father, mine tried the half-arsed attempt to make things right without ever actually apologising. After he died suddenly, I did not go to the funeral. I had no right to be there, I and others felt. My partner was keen to point out that I shouldn't waste the energy on someone who wasn't there for me. And on the surface, I agreed. Anger was much more productive than the guilt that was simmering beneath the surface. Guilt that wished I could apologise for being the bad child. For being so stubborn and immature, rather than just talking to him. Maybe he would have forgiven me, maybe he would have said he was proud. Maybe there would have been another disappointment. I write this because a few days ago I read a fic about Chase's reaction to his father's death and it's not sat well with me since. A character that I related to so much, reduced to a cliche breakdown of sobbing instantly and grieving so easily, rather than the nuanced levels of emotions that simmer and burst constantly, emotions that are fought against because neither father nor son deserve them. Emotions that aren't just sadness and loss, but guilt, so much fucking guilt. There's anger at everyone involved, denial because how dare he feel about someone who treated him in such a way, and then confusion, because those feelings are still there and they hurt. I guess I needed to rant about this. I know everyone grieves differently, I know that this is my experience and I can't dictate how another would mourn, but yeah... I miss my dad, and I hate that I do.

[skibasyndrome]

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[shimmershy]

Hello volta ! I wanted to know, how many "volt" do you produce ? ... Yep... I just did that... I Can only pray for my life now..

I miss you're drawing...

I miss you're Frisk cute face

More importantly, i miss you're beautifull Chara...

I miss you...

Hello! To answer your question, I definitely produce a normal and safe amount of volts! That may come as a "shock" because of my name, but it is definitely true! No dangerous high voltage situations here! ^_^

Teehee. Also thank you!! That's very sweet, it's nice to be acknowledged and missed, and I also apologize for the lack of art and activity here in general. I miss drawing Undertale-related stuff myself, especially Chara and Frisk, but there's just been a whole mixture of reasons why I haven't been posting much.

No need to read all of this; I have a feeling I'm going to be rambling a bit, but overall it's just because my interest in Undertale kind of fluctuates and since I was kind of hardcore in an Undertale phase for a few months (or like...a year kinda), it's died down a bit lately. But not to worry; Undertale's always been my main interest, so it's always kinda "there", or comes back eventually.

But ALSO, I've become interested in a lot of other things lately too. And they're aaaall fighting for my attention because I'm like equally interested in all of them and that creates its own problem. Basically I've been having trouble creating stuff at all lately due to being all over the place, but being kind of "no thoughts, head empty" at the same time (brain problems...)

And on top of that, maybe this is too awkward or personal to share, but it's been hard for me to keep track of what's important to me lately, so it's like. I know I want to draw, I know I want art to continue to be my thing, but I don't know what art I want to create. I don't know what kind of passion or project I want to devote my time to, and often it's just been driving me to avoid art altogether. I get overwhelmed because it feels like I don't have enough time to get to all the things I want to do, and it takes me so long to draw simple things, AND my interest in things changes more often than I can keep up with. Should I draw a simple drawing today, because it might be fun, and I could complete it easily, even though the reward will be short lived? Or should I try to work on this larger project again, because it's what I want to work on more and will probably make me feel more satisfied in the long run, even though it might not be fun now? Even though I might lose interest in it tomorrow and the progress will kinda be wasted? OR should I do this completely other thing?

It's just very. Eugh. I think too much. There's so much stuff I want to create, but I guess at this point I'm just going to have to give it time and patience. I've been trying to focus my energy on enjoying other parts of my life instead for now. It kind of helps.

But Undertale is not dead in my heart. Yes it is 2024, but I still have at least two Undertale stories I've wanted to start and just haven't gotten around to yet, so there's that at the very least. I doubt those will leave me alone until I do something with them. Plus I've been drawing Chara and Frisk Undertale for like, 8 years so I'm not going to stop now???? So. Woe. Hopes and Dreams be upon ye. 🎊

[hxhhasmysoul]

wouldn't it be nice if the author of the fics finished them. the author is me.

[elumish]

If you're wondering "should I leave an overly personal comment on someone's fanfic?" (and/or "should I leave a transphobic comment on someone's fanfic?"), you can just...not do that.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

let's see... what do i write to-day?

wipw stuff, oc stuff, or... absolutely nothing

[avatardoggo]

when you meet a Guy and he is 99.9% perfection but the Holy Spirit says no

[thestrangestwatermelonofall]

going and listening to my youtube playlists is truly a safe place for me. I just listened to the Discord Murder Party season 3 theme and sang along to every word, and now I'm listening to relaxing super mario galaxy songs with rain sound effects in the background.

[elvesofnoldor]

Local vampire (Lestat) thought he snatched the young hot rich single in the area, got trapped in an abusive relationship instead. More at 7 as the story develops

[moonlit-orchid]

Normal people: vent about their feelings in a diary or blog post

Me: makes a whole ass zine at nearly midnight

[vimbry-moved]

saw a really fun show tonight! got home took pee and became an ex-member of the never passed out club

[mythvoiced]

-. people actually do attempt to depict shinichi kudo as this cool, sexy, mysterious guy, strong, tall, hot-- he's a 17yrold failguy, a bitchboi twink, people let him get away with his attitude because he smiles pretty and is useful to Crime Solving which he only is because it's his ✨ special interest ✨, mr kudo pulled a karate queen who can cook, clean, and dodge bullets simply via autistic swagger, he's a nerd who beats up criminals by kicking a ball into their faces

[desperatepleasures]

less than a month until I'm allowed to have neurotransmitters again

[risingsunresistance]

[gideonisms]

there’s something different about using this site on desktop, it feels way less like my notes app. society if I just kept using it this way and didn’t overshare from my favorite bench on campus constantly

[thevoiceofdesertbluffs]

sorry I'm having an anxiety™ moment rn