#mind you my zine does look pretty good. for a zine made out of a single sheet of paper and written/doodled on in black pen with a lil red

[moonlit-orchid]

Normal people: vent about their feelings in a diary or blog post

Me: makes a whole ass zine at nearly midnight

[whump-and-other-misfortunes]

No Place Feels Like Home

a version of this from whumpee's perspective, with ocs cuz i'm planning on turning this into a series <3

cw age gap, intimate whumper, power dynamic

The freezing air outside was a stark contrast to the inside of the house. The heat of so many bodies pressed together in the basement had left Thomas sweaty and flushed in his wool sweater, but now, standing on the porch, he wished he’d worn more layers. Winters in Jersey were unforgiving. He took another drag from his cigarette in hopes of keeping warm—it didn’t quite do the trick, but the burning in his chest was a distraction, at least. 

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” 

Thomas looked up in surprise at the guy walking toward him, leather jacket over a Refused shirt. Dark hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, and he was wearing the kind of smirk that Thomas knew would get him into trouble if he wasn’t careful. He'd always been a sucker for bad boys. 

He held the other man’s gaze, raising the cigarette to his lips again. Thomas blew out a cloud of smoke before replying, “What makes you think I have a bedtime?” Surely, he didn’t look that young. 

The guy leaned one shoulder against the wall next to him, leaving just enough distance to be casual. “I don’t mind,” he said, not answering the question. “I mean, we do all ages shows for a reason. I think it’s great for kids to see live music.”

What a jerk—this guy had to be fucking with him. Thomas gave him as scathing a glare as he could manage. “I��m eighteen, actually. But thanks for your concern.” 

“Sorry, you just look young is all.” He was still smiling teasingly. “Didn’t mean to offend you—maybe we could start over? I’m Mateo Ruiz. But everyone calls me Matty.” 

“I know, I came to see your band,” Thomas said, taking another drag on his cigarette. 

He shivered when Mateo looked him up and down. “Yeah? Didn’t realize you were a fan.” 

“Why’s that?” 

Mateo hummed, eyes shining with amusement. “Just don’t look like you’re in the scene. Where’s your sweater from, pretty boy—The Gap?” 

It was, actually, which made Thomas fume even more. “My friend Liz put me onto you guys. She’s really into hardcore stuff, she played me your CD.”

“You’re gonna love it, I promise,” she’d insisted, grinning as they sat cross-legged on her bed. “These guys are gonna be big someday.” 

Thomas rolled his eyes. “That’s what you said about The Unholy Pizza Parlor Apocalypse. And they’ve already broken up.” 

Liz smacked him on the arm. “Okay, but I mean it this time. The melodic hardcore stuff is totally taking off. Aaaaannd the guys are wicked cute.” 

“You’re sick,” Thomas said when she wiggled her eyebrows at him. 

“Oh shit, Liz?” Mateo’s eyes lit up with recognition. “Like, Liz that does the Soundboard zine?” 

Thomas nodded, stubbing out his cigarette on the wall behind him before flicking it over the porch railing. “Yeah, she's here somewhere. Probably chatting up your bandmate—she has a thing for bassists.” 

Mateo nodded, pushing off the wall and closing the distance between them. “And how ‘bout you?” he teased, looking down at Thomas with big, dark eyes he could get lost in. “You look like the type who’d be into singers.” 

“I don’t know...singers are too cocky,” he shot back. “And they’re not as good with their fingers.”

Mateo laughed at that, flashing him a devilish smirk. “You’re funny, kid... Never told me your name, by the way.” 

“Thomas.” The chill that ran down his spine had more to do with the hungry way Mateo was looking at him than the February air. His heart pounded in his ears. 

“Thomas,” Mateo repeated, the name dripping from his tongue like honey. “Suits you.” 

His hands fidgeted with the bottom of his sweater, and he wondered if he should light another cigarette to keep them busy. 

Mateo reached out and brushed Thomas’s hair behind his ear, not paying any mind to the people milling around outside. “Well, I’ll tell you a secret, Tommy,” he said, lowering his voice. “I kind of have a thing for preppy boys who shop at The Gap.” 

“It’s just Thomas,” he whispered, throat dry. 

“Listen.” Fingers trailed down his jaw, and then Mateo’s hand was cupping his cheek. “I haven’t seen you at any shows before, but you seem cool. There’s an afterparty at my place if you wanna come.” 

Thomas hesitated. “I don’t know...I have class in the morning.” 

“Your call. But I'd really like it if you were there.” 

Mateo’s eyes drifted down to his lips for a moment, making the unspoken implication in his statement clear. Despite Thomas’s nervousness, he made no move to back away. “Yeah?” he breathed. 

“Yeah—come party with the rockstars.” He leaned in, breath hot against Thomas’s ear when he spoke. “I promise you’ll have a good time, honey.” 

“Okay. I’ll come,” Thomas agreed. He felt a sick thrill run through him as he wondered if Mateo was as passionate in...other ways...as he was when he performed. 

The singer grinned, fingers ghosting down Thomas’s neck. “Awesome. Let me pack up my equipment and then we’ll get going.”

taglist: @morning-star-whump  

[amazing-spiderling]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

HECK. Ummmm okay okay... I'll do my best.

Surface Tension

I'm taking this opportunity to highlight a fic that I wrote for an anthology I put together with a team of *very* talented writers and artists, Metal Gear Solid: Lost Years. I had wanted to tell a story about Hal's isolation and vulnerability in his youth, the aspects of his past that made him an easy target for predatory behavior- and even though this story isn't particularly long, I think it's the one I spent the longest working on (in a words per day sense). Writing this story made me dead sure that Kojima was referencing the movie "The Graduate" when it came to the Emmerichs, and I tried to channel that sort of listlessness into this story. Because it was for a zine, I don't think it got many hits or comments, so I'm putting it here now.

The Man in the Mask

My own little "hit in the face by Apollo's red playground ball" of a fic- I actually wrote this Spideypool AU to deal with my frustrations regarding the handling of asylum seekers at the border- but the pandemic aspects of the story ended up hitting very close to home for everyone just a few years later. Fun! This is one of those stories I thought of as a "weird one that nobody read" but when I looked at my actual hit counter, I saw it had proven more popular than I realized, so that's good for me? It's a bit of a bottle episode that is more about Wade and Peter than Deadpool and Spider-Man and has a more sedate tone for most of it, but I'm partial to the way the story unfolds.

Pictures of You

Another Metal Gear story, this was for the Otasune Zine "Let the World Be". I got to team up with the incredible Harshai who did the illustrations for this story in the zine. It's a collection of moments during Dave and Hal's Philanthropy days, each one with an accompanying photograph. It's a pretty soft one, but one that comes to mind a lot, especially when I'm in the car and staring out the window at the landscape, thinking about these two on the open road. It also comes to mind every time I see a ridiculous food challenge posted on a restaurant wall. I need to see about getting permission to share the art in the posted fic, because I think it really adds something, especially the last image which was a polaroid of Sunny besting Hal's time eating the enourmous burger.

Five Years Later

Yeah, it's a WIP. What are you gonna do about it? Back from hiatus, it's the second installment of a "mostly MCU compliant" Spideypool "met as childhood friends" AU that my friend @343enderspark and I have been working on for years. In this portion of the story, Wade is dealing with life in a world without Peter (oh, and half the population, I guess) and slowly starting his journey of training and eventually becoming the person he was meant to be. (And the Defenders show up because I literally could not resist.) I got to try my hand at writing a lot of different characters in this fic, so it's been fun to flex those muscles. We had a long break between the first and second chapter, but we're back on track and CH 3 is drafted and waiting on edits, so that should be out soon. :3

Home's Around the Corner (It's a Long Way There)

More WIPs? Yeah. More AU's? Double yeah, because this one is more or less an AU or an AU. XD This is a new project I'm working on with @blissful-thinker that's Earth-65 but a step to the left, where Matt wasn't adopted by the Hand, but ended up staying with the Chaste, and returns to New York City years later only to find out he doesn't really have a place in his old home anymore. (Or does he?) This one has been a lot of fun and allows me to write one of my favorite things- tired DA Nelson, and also too-big-for-her-britches Gwen, haha. It may be niche, but it's *my* niche.

[authoralexharvey]

For the Tarot Ask: The Magician, The Sun, and Three of Wands

Thanks for the ask! Answering from this list.

01. THE MAGICIAN: SPARK OF MAGIC (What inspired you to write your novel?) 

The answer changes a bit depending on which book we're talking about, all varying levels of cool. Sorry, I'm about to talk a lot.

For TOOD, the biggest catalyst was, well, a few things. I was in a queer lit class in college that I absolutely hated tbh. For my final, I made a short zine/collection? about the nonbinary experience from my perspective and one thing I included in that was a short story called Morning Afters, which was about two people who ended up being the main characters of TOOD. The MC, Quinn, is someone whose body changes every day, and they are trying to leave their fuck-buddy's house before they wake up but end up being discovered and the two bond over their different gender experiences.

I also had really nasty beef with this one cishet indie author dude who considered himself the savior of the gays and said queer people are so bad at writing their own books he has to do it for them--yes, really--so I wrote TOOD to spite him because he's a shitty man and a shittier author.

Anyway.

TWEfA was born out of my love of the Soulsborne franchise and also from the cannibalized corpse of an older novel I wrote a very long time ago. When I was like. Fifteen. A lot has changed since then. Maka and Dakota have stayed the most true to their original selves and I kinda... rebuilt everything around them. I'm sure some elements of it were also inspired by Madoka Magica. In fact, I guarantee some of it was.

Little Vicious Minds came about because I was playing Skyrim and am very mad still about the limited options of what you can do with/to Maven Black-Briar and so I resolved to make a story about someone who decides to destroy her criminal empire. And it kinda,,, blossomed from there.

Lilium was really a love letter to my depressed teenaged self because I wrote it originally in high school when everything fucking sucked. I see myself a lot in both of the main characters in different ways. It's also about your dead brother coming back as a demon which I have no real experience with so. *shrugs*

ASMLP started as a random thought because I love spellbooks and think they aren't used enough in fantasy so I resolved to write a book that required spellbooks and then I... made a whole magic and college system around that and it kind of evolved from there.

BTMS started as me wanting to write vampire erotica and became... very much not that.

I could go on. It really does just depend.

19. THE SUN: POSITIVITY (What is your greatest writing strength or skill?)

I like to think I'm good at dialogue and also at making people fucking sad. Highest praise I think I've gotten yet is a comment/review I got about Lilium about how well I got across the sense of loss and grief one of the MCs endures--and this is before I had lost anyone in my life to the inevitability of death. I don't want like. Instagram-worthy prose or anything but I would like for someone to feel like I just ripped their heart out of their chest and presented it to them when they're done reading, you know? And I think I'm pretty great about that so far.

66. THREE OF WANDS: FORESIGHT (Do you know what your book cover is going to look like? Do you have a color in mind?)

I don't have to imagine for ASMLP, because I already have one! You can see it here. As for my other works.... mmmm...Back when I wrote on Wattpad, I had to have a kind of idea for a cover because you were shooting yourself in the foot if you posted books without covers there. But since leaving there... well, not entirely. I also haven't gotten as far/thought as far ahead as I have with ASMLP--and in truth part of me buying the cover was to give myself an incentive to finish the fucking book. So far has been kind of working. I'm trying to finish by March lol

I haven't thought about covers for anything else yet. I should start doing so for BTMS since I want to publish it before or after ASMLP so we'll see. My main rules about covers is I vehemently refuse to have people on the cover. I hate it. Loathe it. The shadowed hands for ASMLP is as close to having people on the cover as I'm willing to get. I want my covers to have fancy typography or to make a focal point of important objects. I will settle for nothing less.

Thanks again for the ask and sorry for talking your ear off!

[vyvesvi]

ep 3 peanut gallery update

motohashi meika: in this episode we basically just watched her have the worst day of her life 😭 she gets placed in F class, then miraculously gets to pick her team early through the lottery, then she gets 4 of her 6 team members stolen by the center of the whole show, and then her team has to go against the center and all of her former A & B class members 😭 honestly i hiped that she would stand out more in the performance but she just did okay honestly (better than a lot of people though)

ando chiharu: i've liked her since the audition, but she doesn't quite have that it factor. but i think she has a lot of potential & she really stood out in her team's performance of hylt

uchiyama rin: i liked her voice a lot in love dive! she's one of the only ones on her team who got the concept

kamio ayano: i noticed her episode one but i kept getting her mixed up with aoki yuka so i thought she couldn't sing 😭 she was pretty good in love dive but the styling is really what made her stand out. she reminds me soooo much of zhang zining (produce 101 china & rocket girls 101) and the guitar in this pic is a nice nod to that (in my mind)

sakata kotone: there's something that's just very capable feeling about her, and it's funny that her hair dye gets so many touch ups for some reason when no one else's does 😭 she did well in love dive!

yoshida hana: she has potential, and i love that her voice (along with uchiyama rin & a few others) is lower than we usually hear in k & jpop. she was really pretty as center for love dive but she really didn't get the tone of the song at all

takagi mayu: mayu was on my pick list ep 1 at first because it was so funny that she was so stoked about getting D class 😭 she's here now because even though her team wasn't great (and she obviously has 0 experience) i always see potential when she performs but idky

akiyama ema: she's just very likable tbh! she did well in seifuku no mannequin 👍

takami ayane: definitely stood out in seifuku no mannequin, main vocal of the show for sure

sato serina: she was evaluated lower at auditions than i expected tbh. she was one the mvps of body & soul, just overall a very solid singer. looking forward to her performance next round

aita rin: she's very capable? but unfortunately not in a way that stands out much. still, i liked her attitude and she brought a lot of life to her group's performance. in a weird way she reminds me of haruto from boy's planet

ep 3 mvps

tsukushi handled her mic issues in hylt like a pro. it actually kind of pissed me off that they kept showing praise for joa's parts (which were the mirror to tsukushi's except she did worse with no mic issues). i've been on the fence about tsukushi (and i still kiiiiinda am) but you have to acknowledge her talent and professionalism

yui is just really sweet. she has room to grow but she's not as far as some people that they tend to hype up a lot. she picked a fun team for hylt and was very cute encouraging nagomi

ran we love youuu. for some reason the roman empire meme annoys me but ran placing #2 to miu for theme song center is now my roman empire. ran would've done so well and i wouldn't be here worried about her rank

ep 3 votes

dropped: momona (she's safe for now), mena (safe for now, didn't notice her as much here), sakura & rinon (not in ep 3)

added: kamio ayane, motohashi meika (no hope for her tbh but i did like her this ep), serina & mayu (kind of picks rn)

ep 3 top 11

dropped: nano for yui, but honestly i have high hopes for both

forgot to update my produce japan picks after ep 2 & im watching ep 3 today so it's kinda dumb to make this now but im gonna do it anyways 👍

preshow & ep 1 picks

ep 2 picks 👑

sakaguchi rino & ishii ran

capable encouraging people (bonus if theyre good leaders/mentors too) are always my type on these shows. i was already familiar w/ rino and learned more abt ran pre-show and they're totally living up to my expectations 👍 rino & ran you WILL be famous

ep 2 im biased oops

koyama mana - up and down on my list but after the comments that honggi & yumeki made abt her body i'll be supporting her through thick & thin. she's also literally not as bad as they keep making her out to be, it's so obnoxious

oda aruha has actually gone down my pick list because for her to have the dance experience that she has and then completely lose it under pressure...i have sympathy but i've never seen anyone on these shows just freeze. im hoping that something clicks for her soon

ep 2 i like you but

murakami rinon, kasahara momona, sasaki tsukushi, sakurai miu

i don't want to repeat stuff from my previous post but for momona & miu i just need more from them. they're both 100% debuting & i like them but i would like to see them step it up.

rinon is just growing very fast. she came in with no experience but im impressed by her showmanship

tsukushi is extremely talented, easily a top all rounder but she needs a storyline to compel more fans

ep 2 id vote for you but i need to see more

hatta mena, ando yui, kitazume sakura, takami ayane

most of them just have decent skills & good energy, ayane is one of the best vocals on the show but her presence, vibe, & hair desperately need help

ep 2 peanut gallery

kamada moe (1st) & yoshida hana (6th): if im being honest i don't fully remember why i noticed them. i think hana had vocals

kenmotsu nano (2nd): she's pretty & not terrible & born in 2001, which is a win these days! i just liker vibe honestly

nakano kokona (3rd): i just think she's hilarious. the staring contest was so needlessly intense 😭 she's also a pretty decent rapper

sudo sakura (4th): i also think she's hilarious, from the gyuaru audition to shouting during the reeval video, i just like her vibe a lot

ebihara tsuzumi (5th): couldve been in the need to see more section but oh well. i like her, she's a good vocalist, but she's young and needs to grow in dance

kurokawa honoka (7th): that's my daughter from who is princess but it's not looking good for her tbh

aramaki joa (8th): good vibe, decent dancer but she cant sing at alllllll. but the sjow likes her and i dont hate her so im kinda just watching

abe nagomi (9th): she's cute & fun and has a lot of potential

people who i would vote for as of ep2:

a more realistic top 11 w/ some of my picks:

[celestriakle]

Hi! I found your at from a zine modding advice compilation doc. I am planning to make a zine, but I have no experience modding. I was wondering if I could get your advice on how to make realistic/fulfillable plans as a newbie?

Hi there! I'm in a zine mod advice doc? 0: I had no idea, could you send me a link? I'm curious!

So, I ran my zine solo and it was my first time running any sort of project like this. It was saddlestitched 30-40 pages (I don't remember exactly; this was several years ago) and we did merch: an enamel pin, a sticker sheet, a die-cut sticker, and two holographic prints. In the end, we made enough money to cover our costs and pay out $6 (approximately) to each contributor, but did not raise enough money to offer complimentary copies of the physical zine/merch. I was aiming to have enough for complimentary copies, which is why I'd call the project a semi-success.

This got long! But here's pretty much all the advice I got:

Know your audience. Is it a fandom zine? How big is the fandom? Original content zines will struggle more to gain interest. How big is YOUR platform, specifically? As lead, the onus is on you to get the word out at the start to attract contributors and potential buyers. Try to gauge how many copies you might sell from this. Lean conservative on your estimate and base your plan on that. (This is where interest checks come in!)

Pick your vendors. Familiarize yourself with the terminology they use. Compare and contrast prices and services using the sales estimate you devised in the last step. How long does shipping take? What is the policy if products come out defective? There are always going to be some defective products when producing en masse. Check reviews. Have you bought zines yourself? Contact the creators of zines you like and ask them which vendors they're using for their assorted products. (I had a great experience with mixam.) Don't forget to look into acquiring packaging and shipping costs (domestic and international)!

Decide how you're going to sell the zine. Kickstarter's great if you're using a vendor that has a set MOQ (minimum order quantity) or if you want to guarantee to be able to provide a certain level of compensation for your contributors, but it also takes a fee and means that, if you don't get enough orders, you have to start the campaign all over again. Bigcartel has more flexibility in terms of sales windows and such, but it's difficult to customize like kickstarter. Also, if you're using bigcartel and don't sell enough, you're on the hook for either refunding or fulfilling all the preorders you do get. You'll also need a stripe and paypal business account.

Make a budget. So you have an estimate of how many you think you'll sell. You know how much your vendors cost. You've accounted for your incidentals (kickstarter fee, packaging, gas to get to the post office, etc). Refer to other zines for what typical prices for your products are and set your prices based on that. (Analyzing what other zines are doing is generally a good idea.) What's the absolute minimum number of sales you need to cover costs? (Fewer orders usually increases production cost.) How many sales do you need to make to compensate your contributors? What will you do if there's excess money? What if it's not enough to split it among your contributors evenly? ($40 is a lot for one person, but it's basically nothing split 30 ways.) Are you going to make stretch goals?

Make a timeline. Interest check, contributor apps, concept submissions (you'll want to know what people are doing before they start working), periodic WIP checks to make sure everyone's on task (there will always be a few people who need to drop out), preorder period, manufacture time, shipping timeline. People will want to know what to expect, especially contributors. Ensure the contributors have plenty of time to work, since, chances are, they're effectively donating their time and effort. Keep in mind major holidays and school schedules; people will need more time if those are happening. Give yourself plenty of pillow space for unforseen issues, so you can stick to this timeline as much as possible throughout the process.

Have the full plan written out for your contributors before they arrive. Be clear and concise. Timeline, expectations in terms of content and behavior, instructions, how you're going to fulfill the zine, expected compensation. Not everyone knows how to prepare an image for print, so include that in your instructions. You're gonna want a discord for this. I also used google forms to manage check-ins and other such things.

Be involved, and COMMUNICATE. Talk to your contributors outside of check-ins. You're their hypeman! Hype them up! Make sure your passion's there for all to see! Nothing, and I mean nothing, kills a project faster than a disinterested/aloof leader. You'll also want to communicate any issues to contributors and buyers asap. It's not embarrassing; people will be patient (mostly) as long as they have communication. Silence is upsetting.

Consider marketing. I've written this as if you're going solo, but these next few bullets is why people usually run zines as a team. Once the contributor team is assembled, that's when you need to hit the bricks. There's a lot of waiting time and you need to gain a potential audience and keep them interested. Marketing is a weak point of mine, so I don't have much advice, but it's critical for the success of a zine. Contributors can advertise a little, but the bulk of that's on you. You'll want an account dedicated to the zine, I can say that much.

Is graphic design your passion? Even if a contributor is designing the cover, what will be on the inner page? The back cover? Do you have any writers contributing fic? That will need formatting. (Do you know how many words fit on a page? It's different depending on the size of the book.) You'll need to make some sort of credits page, or will you put credit information on the same page as each contribution? Quality graphic design can make or break marketing attempts.

Double check your contributors' work. There are going to make mistakes. Most people aren't used to preparing things for print. Having room for bleed (edges of an image that may be cut off during the printing process, or hidden when bound into a book) was a particular issue in my zine. Even if all this is written in your instructions, you'll get files with not enough bleed room, or in RBG (files must be in CMYK for print), or in too low a resolution (300 dpi minimum). Any issues need to be caught, corrected, and all the files compiled for submission to the printer.

Don't forget postage. I mentioned this briefly earlier, but don't forget to account for packaging and shipping in your budget and time. Things like pins can make a slim package too thick and change the postage class. You'll need room in your house to hold the product. You'll want to pack things to ensure nothing's dented or bent. I highly recommend against having a shipping mod, unless it's someone you know and trust very much. I've seen too many projects fall apart because a shipping mod ghosted or stole all the materials or similar issues.

Have a backup plan. What will you do if you only get five people wanting to be contributors? What if you don't sell enough to cover your costs? What if you get bad product? What if you don't hit the MOQ of your chosen vendor, or if they announce a spontaneous price change before you get your order in? Have answers!

Be confident. If you're not used to leadership, it can be weird to have everyone looking to you, but if you've prepared, then there's no reason to be nervous. The people you work with will respond to your energy, so put out those good vibes.

I enjoyed making my zine very much, but also, it was still very much work! I discovered I hate marketing and graphic design, and love the technical bits of arranging the vendors and budgeting and handling the materials. I probably wouldn't go solo again, but I'm glad I did it at least once because it taught me the ins and outs of every aspect. A lot of people, for their first zine, do digital only because, needless to say, physical product is complicated!

If you made it this far, congratulations. xD It felt nice laying out everything I learned; I hope it's just as useful for you to read.

Feel free to ask if you have any further questions!

[sineala]

How would you say fandom culture has changed over the years? What are some differences you notice between older and younger fandom folks?

I’ve been thinking for a while about how to answer this, and I’m not sure I have a really good answer, but I’m going to try.

I’ve been in fandom since approximately 1995. Maybe 1994. At that point, the world wide web was a relatively new part of the internet, and the fandoms I was in had most of their activity on privately-hosted mailing lists (predating eGroups/OneList/Yahoo Groups) and on Usenet newsgroups, with fiction beginning to be available on websites as part of either fandom-specific or pairing-specific archives as well as authors’ individual pages. Fanfiction.net did not yet exist. LiveJournal did not exist. AO3 definitely did not exist. If you wanted real-time chat, there was IRC. I was coming in basically at the tail end of zine fandom; zines were no longer the only way of distributing fanfiction, as fandom started to move online. So I have a selection of zines from 90s-era Western media fandoms but even by then zines weren’t where I was doing most of my reading.

I think in terms of generally “what it was like to be in fandom,” the big-picture stuff hasn’t changed. Fandom still produces creative fanwork and likes to, y’know, get together and talk about fandom. Also, almost every fight or complaint that fandom has about something is a thing that has been going on for actual years. People complain that, say, the kudos button is ruining comment culture because back in the LJ days the only way you could comment on a story was, well, by leaving an actual comment, or sending an email on a mailing list, and this might mean that people who would have otherwise commented have left a kudos instead. But back in the LJ and mailing list days, people were complaining that commenting was going downhill since the days of zines, when in order to comment on a story you had to write a real paper letter and mail it and because you had to do that, the quality of feedback was so much better than you got nowadays because people could just dash off a quick email or comment. You get the idea. Top/bottom wars are not new either. Pairing wars are not new. If you’ve been in fandom a while, you will pretty much have seen all the fights already. I think one thing that is new, though, is the fandom awareness of things like privilege and intersectionality and various -isms, as well as things like “providing warnings might be nice” (do you know how much unwarned deathfic I have read? a lot!) and I sure won’t say we’re perfect at any of this now, but I think fandom is trying way way more about all that stuff than it used to.

There are some fights we actually don’t have anymore, as far as I can tell. I feel like it’s been years since I’ve seen the “real person fiction is wrong” battle, but also I don’t hang out in a whole lot of RPF fandoms, so it’s possible that’s still going and I just don’t see it.

There also used to be a recurring debate about whether gay relationships that were canonical were slash or not. When slash started, obviously this wasn’t a question because there weren’t canonical gay relationships in fandoms, period. But as gay characters began to appear in media, people started to wonder “does slash mean all same-sex relationships, or does slash mean only non-canonical same-sex relationships?” Now, you may be reading this and think that sounds like an incredibly weird thing to get hung up on, but that’s because what appears to have happened is that the term “ship” (originally from X-Files Mulder/Scully fandom) has, as far as I can tell, come up and eaten most of the rest of the terminology. Now people will just say, “oh, I ship that.” For any pairing, gay or not, canonical or not. Fandom seems to have decided that for the most part it no longer actually needs a term specific to same-sex relationships as a genre.

Similarly, there are a few genres of fic that we used to have also pretty much don’t exist anymore. There are also plenty of genres that are well-entrenched now that are also extremely recent -- A/B/O comes to mind. But there are some kinds of fic we don’t write a lot of now. Like, I haven’t seen smarm in years! I also haven’t seen We’re Not Gay We Just Love Each Other in a while. There was also a particular style of slash writing where you’d basically have to explain, in detail, what made you think that these particular characters could be anything other than straight. You’d have to motivate this decision. You’d have to look at their canonical heterosexual relationships and come up with a way to explain why all those had happened in order to reconcile how this one guy could have romantic feelings for another guy. When had he figured out he wasn’t straight? Who might he have been with before? How does he interact with people in ways that make you think he’s not straight? That kind of thing. You had to, essentially, show your work. And these days a lot of fanfic is just like, “Okay, Captain America is bisexual, let’s go!” It’s... different.

Fandom also used to skew older, is my sense. A lot older. I don’t know, actually, if it really was older, but I get the sense now that there are some younger people who are surprised that adults are still in fandom. I have seen people saying these days that they think they’re too old for fanfiction because they are not in middle school anymore. And I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that the barriers to access fandom are a lot lower than they used to be. You used to basically have to be an adult with disposable income (or know an adult with disposable income who was willing to help you out; but even then if you were reading explicit fiction you also had to swear you were 18+, usually by sending in an age statement to whoever you were buying the zine from or to the mods of the list you wanted to join, so a lot of fandom was very much age-gated). Internet access was not widely available. Even if you had internet access, you maybe didn’t have your own email address, so you couldn’t sign up for mailing lists; free email providers didn’t exist. If you wanted to buy zines, you had to have money to buy them. If you wanted to go to cons, you had to be able to afford the cost of the con, travel to the con, et cetera. If you wanted to have a website you had to know HTML. Social media did not exist. You want to draw art? Guess what, you’re probably drawing it on paper! You might be able to upload a picture to your website if you have a digital camera or a scanner, but both of those things are expensive, and also a lot of people don’t have the capability or the money to download pictures from the internet (some people have data caps with overage charges, and some people have text-only connections!), so they won’t get to see it. Maybe you can sell your piece at a con! You want to make a fanvid? We called them songvids, but, anyway, you know how you’re doing that? You’re going to hook two VCRs together and smash the play and record buttons very fast! If you want anyone else to watch them, you are either making them a tape personally and mailing it to them or bringing your vids to a convention. Maybe you can digitize them and upload them, but it’s going to take people hours to download them!

(Every three hours my ISP would kick me off the internet and I’d have to dial in again. If it was a busy time of day, it might take me 20 or 30 minutes to get a connection again. And that was assuming no one else in the house needed to use the phone line. Imagine if your modem went out every three hours now.)

And now, for the cost of my internet connection, I can read pretty much whatever fanfiction I want, whenever I want it. I can see all the fanart I want! I can watch vids! Podfic exists now! Fanmixes exist! Gifsets and moodboards exist! If I want to write fic I can write it with programs that are completely free, and as soon as I post it everyone in the entire world can read it. If I want to draw or make vids that may require some additional investment, but I may also be able to do it with things I already have. Do you have any idea how good we all have it?

There are a couple of kinds of fan activity that don’t seem to exist anymore, though, and I miss them. I know that roleplaying still goes on, but I feel like these days most people who do real-time text roleplay have switched to things like Discord. I know that in the LJ days, RP communities were popular. But I really miss MU*s (MUDs, MUSHes, MOOs, MUXes..), which were servers for real-time text-based RP with a bunch of... hmm... features to aid RP. There were virtual rooms with text descriptions, and objects in virtual rooms with descriptions, and your character had a description, and they could interact with the objects as well as with other characters, and you could program things to change descriptions or emit various kinds of text or take you to different rooms, and so on. Just to, y’know, enhance the atmosphere. It was fun and it was where I learned to RP and I’m sad they’re pretty much gone now.

I also don’t think I see a lot of fanfiction awards in fandoms. Wonder where they went.

Going back to the previous point, the barriers to actually consuming the canon you are fannish about are way, way, way lower now. You can pretty much take it for granted that if right now someone tells you about a shiny new fandom, there will be a way to read that book or watch that show or movie right now. Possibly for free! Of course you can watch it! Why wouldn’t you be able to?

This was absolutely, absolutely not the case before. I’m currently in Marvel Comics fandom. If there is a comic I want to read, I can read it right now on the internet. I have subscribed to Marvel Unlimited and I can read pretty much every comic that is older than three months old; the newer ones cost extra money. But I can do it all from the comfort of my own home right now. I was also, actually, in Marvel Comics fandom in the nineties. If I wanted to read a comic, I had to go to a comic book store and hope they had it in stock; if they didn’t, I had to try another store. Not a lot of comics were available in trade paperback and they definitely weren’t readable on the internet. I used to read a lot of Gambit h/c fic set after Uncanny X-Men #350. I never found a copy of UXM #350. I still haven’t! But I did eventually read it on Unlimited.

Being in TV show fandoms also had similar challenges. Was the show you were watching still on the air? No? Then you’d better hope you could find it in reruns, or know someone who had tapes of it that they could copy for you, otherwise you weren’t watching that show. It was, I think, pretty common for people to be in fandoms for shows they hadn’t seen, because they had no way to see the show, but they loved all the fanfic. The Sentinel had a whole lot of fans like that, both because I think it took a while for it to end up in reruns and because overseas distribution was probably poor. So you’d get people who read the fic and wrote fic based on the other fic they’d read, which meant that you got massive, massive amounts of fanon appearing that people just assumed was in the show because it was a weirdly specific detail that appeared in someone’s fic once. Like “Jim and Blair’s apartment has a small water heater” (not actually canonical) or “Blair is a vegetarian” (there’s an episode where his mother visits and IIRC cooks him one of his favorite meals, which is beef tongue).

Like, I was in The Professionals fandom for years. I read all the fic. I hadn’t seen the show. As far as I know, it never aired in the US, and it certainly never had any kind of US VHS or DVD release. I’d seen a couple songvids. I eventually saw a couple episodes in maybe 2003, and that was because my dad special-ordered a commercial VHS tape from the UK and paid someone to convert it from PAL to NTSC. I didn’t get to see the whole show until several years later when I got a region-free DVD player someone in fandom sent me burned copies of the UK DVD releases and then I special-ordered the commercial release of the DVDs from the UK myself. But if I were a new fan and wanted to watch Pros right now? It is on YouTube! For free!

I think also one of the things about fandom that’s not immediately evident to new fans is the way in which it is permanent and/or impermanent. There are probably people whose first fannish experience is on Tumblr or who only read fanfic on FFN and who have no idea what they would do if either site, say, just shut down. But if you’ve been in fandom a while, you’ve been through, say, Discord, Tumblr, Twitter, Pillowfort, Imzy, DW, JournalFen, LJ, GeoCities, IRC, mailing lists. And sure, if Tumblr closed, it would be inconvenient. But fandom would pack up and move somewhere else. You would find it again. It would, eventually, be okay. Similarly, if you’ve been in a lot of fandoms, if you’ve made a lot of friends, drifting through fandoms is like that. You’ll make a friend in 1998 because you were in the same fandom, and then you might go your own ways, and ten years later you might be in another fandom with them again! It happens.

But the flip side of that is that I think a lot of older fans have learned not to trust in the permanence of any particular site. If you like a story, you save it as soon as you read it. If you like a piece of art, you save it. If you like a vid, you save it. Because you don’t know when the site it’s on will be gone for good. I have, like, twenty years of lovingly-curated fanfic. And I feel like people who have only been in fandom since AO3 existed might not understand how much AO3 is a game-changer compared to what we had before. It’s a site where you can put your fic up and you don’t have to worry that the webhost is going out of business, or that the site might delete your work because they don’t allow gay fiction or explicit fiction or fiction written in second person or fiction for fandoms where the creator doesn’t like fanfiction, or whatever. Because all of those things have absolutely happened. But, I mean, I still save pretty much everything I like, even on AO3, just in case.

So, basically, yeah, fandom is a whole lot more accessible than it used to be. I think fandom is pretty much still fandom, but it’s a lot easier to get into, and that has made it way more open to people who wouldn’t have been able to be in fandom before. There is so, so much more now than there ever was before, and I think that’s great.

[harrypotter-imaginess]

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Based on this Headcanon list (x) : Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! <This is Part 5!>

A/N: As said, I switched to a headcanon list because we have 7 books to get through, and it will take years if I only do the blurbs. Oh, and if you are in the market for some cute pro-Weasley shirts, check out my 'Weasley Suprmeacy' shirt here!

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

* It’s your third year at Hogwarts, Harry Potter’s second, and you’re having a pretty good year so far

* You’ve made your house team, and you’re doing pretty good in school, in fact, you’ve got a knack for potions and herbology

* “Good thing too or we’d be stuck up a creek without ya” Fred says grinning as he watches you show him how to make the simple “cure for boils” potion

* “And not sooner either, these things hurt more than you think” George complains, wincing every time he touches one

* “Well what did you think was going to happen when you tried to go into the girl’s changing room?” You ask with a sigh

* “In our defense we didn’t know it was the girls changing room, we just wanted a shortcut to the pitch”

* You hide a smile, that sounds about right

* Life is pretty good

* Until it isn’t

* “Enemy’s of the heir beware” the words leave your mouth in a murmur

* Your eyes trained on the blood-coated words on the wall

* You think you're going to be sick

* “That’s right you’ll be next mudbloods!” Draco shouts and immediately you feel two hands clasp both of your shoulders

* One is Fred’s and the other is George’s

* They insist on walking you back to your dorm

* “Really I’ll be fine, you should go check on your brother, Ginny was looking a little pale too” you insist but they keep pushing you forward

* “We can do that after you get back to your common room safely”

* If you’re Muggle-born they’re really protective of you over the next few months

* You’ve woken up to taping on your window more than once, yawning as you walk over to see who it is

* Only to see your favorite red-headed pair of doppelgängers

* “Couldn’t sleep” Fred says with a yawn

* “We were too afraid the heir of Slytherin would kill us in our sleep” George adds

* “Best we sleep here, so you can protect us and keep us safe” they finish in unison

* The next morning your dorm mates wake up to see them sleeping on the floor at the foot of your bed, drooling all over each other, wands clasped in their hands

* They absolutely refuse to let you stay in the castle for Christmas

* “Nope, no, no way in bloody hell,” George says defiantly

* “But I want-“

* “If you’ve got a death wish, you can just come home with us and eat mum’s cooking-”

* “So good you’ll go to heaven”

* They’re tugging you to the station before you can even protest

* “What about Ron?” You ask

* “What about Ron? He’s a big boy, besides it looks like those three are scheming-“ George starts

* “Schemings best left to the young ones, us old-timers have no place in it, best for us to go home and have some Christmas pudding, isn’t that right Percy?”

* Percy, who was only passing by gives you three a quizzical look before turning away with a shake of his head

* “Whatever nonsense you’re up to, leave me out of it”

* Fred turns to you with a grin

* “See even Percy agrees, leave the nonsense to the youngins’”

* Percy just keeps shaking his head

* “Come, Ginny, let’s sit somewhere away from them- don’t want you to be around bad influences”

* Their parents are thrilled to meet you

* “So you’re (Y/N)! We’ve heard so much about you-“

* So the twins talk about you at home huh?

* “- from Percy, he says your next in line to make prefect in your house,” she says patting you affectionately on the shoulder

* Percy nods from behind her

* ��Cedric’s been recommending you to Sprout” He adds

* Your face burns and the twins grin behind you

* “Prefect (Y/N) I like the sound of that” George says with a mischievous grin

* “Don’t forget us when you’re rich and famous, soaking in the prefect bathroom like a big shot”

* You roll your eyes

* “Well since I’m such a big shot I guess I can overlook when you explode a toilet or two”

* The Weasley’s stay up until well past midnight for Christmas

* Molly knits you a matching scarf for the sweater she gave you last year

* “Well doesn’t it look dashing on you!” She says with a smile and she wraps it around your neck

* George and Fred are nervous you might not like it but you grin

* “I love it”

* George scrambles over

* “You want my scarf too?” He says already unwrapping his from around his neck

* “Take mine too, you look awfully cold,” Fred says

* There’s a Polaroid somewhere of you swaddled in five scarfs while Ginny and the twins laugh

* Percy is in the background looking disappointed- but one of those scarves is how

* At night, when the sleeping arrangements are all drawn up you’re with Ginny

* You lie side by side in her bed, you’re half asleep

* “Can I talk to you about something”

* You yawn and nod, not moving

* And then when she doesn’t say anything you say-

* “About Harry?”

* There’s another silence, but this one feels heavier somehow, and it wakes you up a bit

* “Just send him some chocolates for Valentine’s Day” you yawn patting her shoulder

* “Sign it with ‘your secret admirer’ if it makes you too nervous” you yawn again, feeling your eyes droop

* Is that why she’s been looking so sick lately? Too many nights lying awake at night thinking about a boy who doesn’t share her feelings

* “You know Ginny if something does nothing but cause you pain, and I know it’s not very Gryffindor-like, but you can just walk away from it yknow” you’re slurring, barely awake.

* “I can’t just walk away?” She asks and you nod

* “Of course you can”

* And then you fall asleep

* Completely forgetting about the conversation until it’s Valentine’s Day and you see Harry followed around by a singing valentine

* “So this is the fantastic advice you gave Ginny?” George asks, a teasing smile lifting onto his face

* “I told her to give chocolates! I don’t know a boy alive who doesn’t like sweets”

* “Well where’s our chocolate then?” Fred asks expectantly

* You look to George for some support, but he’s looking at you expectantly too

* “Oh I get it, all your chocolates are saved for pretty boy Diggory”

* You roll your eyes and shake your head while walking away

* What’s up with them and thinking that you have a crush on Cedric

* They do come back to their dorms with small bags of chocolate on their beds, just two pieces each

* But they smile like you gave them a lump of gold

* “Did you make them by hand?” One teases

* “Tasted like they were made with love, and all those warm fuzzy feelings” the other finishes

* You roll your eyes

* “You should just be glad the house-elf I found didn’t mind me taking a bit of chocolate”

* It surprises both of them that you actually did make them by hand

* They were really just teasing

* George is the one to make the first move

* “Well next time you go invite us too, I think it would be fun to learn how to make chocolates”

* George wraps an arm around your shoulders

* “We could give them to Snape and make him think he has a secret admirer,” Fred says with a grin, wrapping one of his arms around your shoulders as well

* “Send him a singing Telegraph and everything” George grins

* You shake your head and laugh, what a couple of bozos

* It is pretty funny to see Snape get all flustered though

* They get even more protective when Muggle-born students start getting petrified

* You’re never without one, or both of them

* “Looks like your bodyguard is here,” Cedric says with a teasing smile when he sees George waiting in the corridor outside your class for you

* You nod, moving to go meet him when you feel a gentle touch on your arm

* “Let him know that if he’s ever looking for a career change, I’ll gladly fill the spot” he ruffles your hair before you leave and you can see the teasing coming from a mile away

* But George doesn’t say anything when you walk over to him, walking together to transfigurations in moderate silence

* “So you and Diggory are pretty close” he finally says, breaking the silence

* You look up at him, his eyebrows are threaded together and his mouth is pinched into a frown

* It makes you think about the time you thought that maybe they wouldn’t spend as much time with you anymore when you were brewing the amortentia potion

* “Yeah but we’re closer,” you say bumping your shoulder against his arm, he laughs

* “That’s true”

* The mischievous glint in his eyes returns

* “I doubt he’ll feel the same once he finds out you drool in your sleep”

* You roll your eyes shoving him lightly which earns a laugh

* “I mean really (Y/N), it’s just a bit excessive innit? Most mornings your pillow is more drool than Cotten at this point, you should really get it checked-“

* You shove him harder laughing when he starts laughing

* “Big words from the boy who snores so loud his dorm mates left him floating on the lake”

* “It wasn’t my dorm mates, it was Fred and he did it to because I pretended I was him when I said something that upset Oliver Wood”

* Your eyebrows thread together

* Haven’t seen much of Oliver around now that quidditch has been canceled

* “What did you say?”

* George turns bright red and turns away

* “You’ve been spending an awful lot of time around that keeper for Hufflepuff lately” Wood was especially cranky as of late now that quidditch was canceled for the rest of the year

* And George doesn’t know why, but he gets so irked by it

* What does Wood care who he spends time with off the pitch? It’s not like he’s been taking it easy on you during matches or anything

* “It’s not my fault you don’t know how to talk to someone you’re attracted to”

* And then realizing how it sounded, and flushing red George claimed he was Fred

* He sounded like he was a jealous boyfriend or something

* It’s almost mortifying

* Almost

* “Nothing, don’t worry about it”

* And it’s the first sign for George that someone might have seen something in him that he hasn’t noticed

* But for now that doesn’t matter

* Because you’re here telling jokes like nothing’s changed

* When Ginny gets taken to the chamber you’re sitting with George and Fred in their dorm hugging them close

* You showed up outside their window on your broom, tapping on the glass until they opened it and enveloped you in a hug

* “Maybe it’s just one big mistake, and she’ll pop out any second saying she got lost on her way to the loo”

* “Maybe,” Fred says, but he doesn’t sound like he believes it

* “Everything’s going to be fine,” George says

* And you nod, because you really hope it does

* And by morning Ron and Harry show up covered in dirt with Ginny behind them who looks like she did at first

* With color on her face and vibrancy you haven’t seen on her all year

* “So good old Gildy was a fraud all along huh?”

* “Coulda fooled me”

* And then just like that you’re on the train home

* Joking with Harry, Ron, Ginny, Fred, and George about Percy’s secret girlfriend

* “It feels like it was just yesterday we were getting off the train and starting the year,” you say slightly wistful

* “Speak for yourself, Oliver Wood nearly killed me at practice with punishment drills for something I said apparently” Fred groans

* “Best to leave the adventuring to the young ones” George grins teasing you as you step onto the platform

* And just like that, it’s over

* And just like that it’ll be a new school year

* And the beginning of a new adventure

[superhero--imagines]

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A/N: I just felt like it, this is pretty self-indulgent tbh. also please buy my stickers on etsy. Please. I worked so hard and I'm so scared they're going to flop.

* Yo babe, this guy is like your #1 supporter

* Like there’s two ways he meets you. The first is probably like that romantic “it’s fate” type of way, and the second is one of his brothers sets him up with you

* The first one is sort of romantic- you meet him when you’re still young at some book signing or a poetry reading or something

* And he sits next to you, and you start chatting a little about the author and their work

* “You sound like a writer” Jason says, and you blush a little

* “I guess I am” you’re just starting out though

* “What kinda stuff do you write?” He asks

* “The bad kind”

* He laughs at that

* And there’s this sort of romantic mood over the scene, like he just knows you’re going to be special to him

* But then the reading ends, and he’s waiting for it- to give you his number or to you see again but he never does

* You just get up and leave

* He see’s you again years later, at a charity ball Bruce is forcing him to go to “public appearance is important” and “optics need to be good” or something

* And you’re there, one hand on Dick’s arm, and the other around a flute of champagne

* “Oh, (Y/N)- this is my little brother Jason, Jason this is (Y/N)”

* The hand wrapped around Dick’s arm unfurls to hold his own, Jason can’t take his eyes off of yours

* “Nice to meet you”

* And there’s no familiar glint in your eyes, this isn’t some inside joke-

* You really don’t remember him

* “Nice to meet you too,” Jason says giving you a firm squeeze back

* Your hand is soft

* He can picture it, desperately clutching a pen, flying across a page, and scribbling all the ideas in your mind-

* It feels like a writers hand

* “(Y/N)’s an aspiring writer,” Dick says, and Jason flinches.

* So you are still writing

* “I’m not an aspiring writer, I am a writer”

* Jason doesn’t miss the slight bite in your words, despite your expressionless exterior

* “No I mean like a real writer- a published writer”

* “I am a published writer” you sigh, and Jason guesses you’re exasperated

* “Oh really where at?” Dick asks, and Jason almost wants to strangle his brother. Here’s the person of his dreams, and Dick had the stupid dumb luck to date them first- only to say all the wrong things.

* But before you can answer Dick’s eyes light up as they hover over the bar-

* Then out of nowhere, he grabs your champagne flute away from you

* “You’re running low huh?” The flute is mostly full, Jason notices. “I’ll get you another”

* And then he’s gone, leaving just you and Jason

* “I’m going to take a wild stab here, and say you’re not dating my brother”

* You shake your head with a small smile

* “This would be pretty sad if we were,” you say, picking up a champagne flute from a nearby server

* Jason mirrors the motion

* “Dick said he wanted to make an ex jealous, it’s a mutually beneficial situation”

* You motion to the bar, and sure enough Dick’s chatting up a familiar redhead Jason knows all too well

* “What do you get out of this?” The question is punctuated with a sip of champagne and your lips quirk into a small smile

* “I’ve never been to an event like this,” your eyes sweep the room- marble columns and men with shiny cuff links and tuxedos and women in polished gowns

* It’s like something out of a tv show

* “I thought it might be good for my writing” you shrug, your editor is always saying that you need more romantic elements in your work

* “Well you don’t need Dick for that,” Jason takes a sip of his champagne “I’m right here”

* You grin, and Jason has to pinch himself to snap out of the way you dazzle him

* “What a gentleman,” you say, still smiling, though it’s dimmed

* “Anything to support the arts”

* Elsewhere at the bar-

* “Do you think they’re hitting it off?” Barbara asks, and Dick grins

* “Of course they are, they’re a writer- Jason loves to read, it’s a match made in heaven”

* Barbara rolls her eyes, but she’ll admit, you guys look good together

* Things move fast after that, the way they always seem to when people are happy

* First dates at the pier

* Second dates watching bad movies and smuggling wine into a movie theatre

* Third dates where you do nothing but kiss

* Bookstore trips, late nights where you do nothing but dream

* Jason knows you’re getting close when you open up to him about your art

* “I’ve had this idea in my head for months now but it just won’t come out”

* And you’re taking such a huge chance talking about this- how many times have you been told to quit while you’re ahead, or ridiculed, treated as an annoyance, or even laughed at for opening up about your work.

* So the pure joy Jason shows when you speak to him about it makes your heart skip

* “Tell me about it, what kind of a story is it?”

* And this is such a vulnerable moment for both of you- but Jason makes it seem like it’s the most normal thing in the world, like this is how it should have been with everyone before

* And honestly it’s healing

* This dork will buy any magazine or journal you’re printed in and ask you to sign it

* If it’s web-only, he’ll print out your story on high-quality paper and ask you to sign that

* “You know you didn’t have to buy one, I have like 12 contributor copies,” you say hiding your smile as you indulge him by signing the cover

* “I just happened to see it-”

* He didn’t just ‘happen to see it’ he preordered this copy a month ago

* “Besides I like supporting your work”

* And no ones ever loved you like this, so you hide your smile behind your hand

* “Anything to support the art right?”

* “Exactly,” he says with a grin

* If you write a book and add his name to the dedications/acknowledgments he’ll straight-up start crying

* “Jason-“

* You’re a little concerned, you didn’t even write anything mushy just ‘For Jason, my number one supporter’

* When he finally shows his face from behind his hand he’s smiling so wide with the brightest blush on his face

* “This is my favorite book,” he says hugging the copy to his chest

* And you just smile

* He buys two books, one to make notes in and the other to keep in a shadow box

* Speaking of books-

* If you guys live together you have a lot

* Like seriously almost TOO many

* Have you guys seen that tik tok of the girl whose parents are professors and they have a whole house just COVERED in books- like even the bathroom

* Yeah

* That’s your house!!

* Well, probably apartment, but yeah

* You have a “guest bedroom”

* But really it’s a library with a bed in the middle

* Your living room has every wall covered in bookshelves and one small empty spot so he could mount the television

* It makes perfect sense- one bookshelf Is yours, one is for reference material, one is to keep all the stuff you get published, one bookshelf is for Jason, another is for shared classics, another is books you guys share with signed books in it, another is just a display case really

* And so on

* “Do you ever think we have too many books?” You ask Jason one night over cups of chamomile tea

* He looks up from the book in his lap, reading glasses slipping down

* “I think we’re the only people who have the correct amount of books”

* You grin

* “Yeah I think so too”

* He would totally show up to all your readings and book signings

* Your manager/agent might start to get worried

* “You don’t think he’s a stalker do you?”

* “Nah that’s just my boyfriend” you say with a smile, blowing a kiss in his direction

* Just- supportive Jason who loves that you were born to tell stories

[cherrydreamer]

(half inspired by a dark horse!Claudia headcanon that Ihni made me think of once and I have never ever been able to drop because damn I love inventing wonderful backstories/hobbies/side quests for Claudia!)

Ok so…Lil headcanon of Dustin stumbling onto his Mom's stash of Kirk/Spock fanzines. And he doesn't quite know what he's found, nor does he spot ‘C.Henderson’ amongst the list of contributors, but he's already intrigued by the first hand drawn cover of a bruised Kirk in a very tattered uniform, so he figures they all must be some cool action based comics and his curiosity, as always, gets the better of him and Dustin stashes a few of them in his backpack for later without even looking at the rest of the pages. But he’s also eagerly distracted, especially when Steve has a pile of brand new horror releases from Family Video, and the zines end up getting left unread, at Steve's house. And Steve finds them. And he's pretty damn curious too, so he starts flicking through. And the more he reads, the more curious he gets. It's like a whole new world opening up for him. And maybe he was never really the biggest Star Trek fan, but he is hooked. Utterly gripped. And he can't tear his eyes away from some of the art. Especially some of the art. And while he might not be the most eager reader in the world, Steve powers through every single one of those stories without coming up for air.  Until it’s three in the morning and he’s finished them. All of them. Every single word of every single zine is burned into his brain, whirling round and round and he needs more, more, more.  Because maybe it’s made Steve think about something. About himself. And he’s not ready to stop thinking about that, not quite yet. Luckily, Steve’s a little more observant than Dustin.He definitely noticed a certain, familiar name (especially because it was the one written underneath the pieces that really captured his attention the most) which is why he’s back at the Henderson place at 7am, stack of zines in hand, fully aware that there’s no way Dustin’s going to be awake before 8.  Because, for once, it’s not Dustin he’s here to see.  (And cause I obviously wanna make it at least a little Harringrove then let’s have Billy finding one of the zines in Steve’s house, maybe one day when he’s there to pick up Max. And he gets such a weird look on his face the moment he sees it, part shock and part panic and absolutely drained of all colour, his eyes wide as he hisses, “Why the hell do you have this? Where the fuck did you find it?” And Steve can’t deal with him being disgusted or whatever, he just does not have time for it, so he stands there, hands on his hips and challenges Billy with, “It’s mine, what of it?” And Billy relaxes, Steve can see it happen almost instantly, the absolute relief crossing Billy’s face as he looks back down at the zine and flicks through the pages almost lovingly and smiles, “Nah, nothing. it’s a good choice, Harrington, got one of my best stories in this one.” And Steve’s mind is completely and utterly BLOWN and he eventually gets Billy to tell him which story he wrote and it turns out to be beautiful and romantic and full of longing and pining and Steve is so utterly, totally smitten by the end of it that he’s gazing at Billy with pure heart eyes.)

[gryffindorcls]

The Surprise Guest

Hello, lovely readers!

A few months ago I was asked to write a piece for the @mlpandemicreliefzine​. It was such a fun project to be a part of, and now that it's been out for a while, I am happy to share with you the fluffy Marichat one-shot I wrote for the zine.

Happy reading!

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SUMMARY: One Friday night, Chat Noir accidentally barges in on a "girl's night" sleepover happening in Marinette's room. After being encouraged to stay, Chat joins the group in a game of truth or dare during which Marinette reveals the name of the boy she loves.

LENGTH: 2972 words

AO3 FANFICTION

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RAP RAP RAP

Marinette’s heart stopped.

“Is someone knocking on a window?” Alya pushed herself off the ground and padded across the room.

“N-no! I...uhh...it’s probably just the wind!” Marinette sprang out of her seat and tried to pull Alya back to the circle of girls sitting in the middle of the floor. “Don’t worry about it! Mario Kart is waiting for us!”

RAP RAP RAP

“There it is again!” Alya stood on her tiptoes and peered out the window next to Marinette’s desk. “That’s funny I could have sworn-”

The hatch above the lofted bed swung open with a bang. All heads turned towards the sound as a mop of blond hair poked through the opening.

“Princess, are you in here? Are you okay? I was knocking, and I didn’t see...oops.” Chat Noir’s eyes scanned the room. “Hello, ladies.”

“Oh, look!” Alya locked eyes with Marinette and gestured towards the hatch. “The wind has a face.”

Marinette groaned and buried her face in her hands. “This can’t be happening.”

“Oh, but it is, and I can’t wait to hear you explain your way out of this one.”

“It’s not what it looks like.”

“Really? Because to me, it looks like one of Paris’s heroes is asking to come in, and judging by his cute little nickname for you, I’m guessing that this isn’t the first time he’s paid you a visit. How am I doing so far, Princess Marinette?”

“Unfortunately, you’re doing pretty well.”

Chat ducked behind the lip of the opening. “Did I come at a bad time?”

Marinette pinched the bridge of her nose. “I told you that I was busy today.”

“I forgot.”

“Obviously.”

“If he’s here, does that mean there’s an Akuma?” Rose smashed her hands against her cheeks. “Is it after one of us?”

Chat shook his head. “No Akuma tonight. Everyone is safe.”

“If there’s no Akuma, then why are you here?” Alix narrowed her eyes. “Are you two dating or something?”

“No!” Marinette raised her hands in front of her. “It’s nothing like that. He just visits sometimes.”

“Yup!” Chat chimed in, “Every Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday night!”

“Not helping!” Marinette hissed at the boy through gritted teeth.

He sunk further behind the ledge. “Sorry.”

“You have scheduled visits!” Alya chuckled and placed a hand on Marinette’s shoulder. “Girl, I expect details.”

Chat cleared his throat. “Should I just leave the snacks and go?”

“Aha!” Alix exclaimed, pointing towards the hatch. “He brought snacks. They’re totally dating.”

“We’re not dating!” Marinette stamped her foot on the ground. “We’re just friends. I swear!”

“I don’t know. My brother always brings his girlfriend food, and he’s always talking about how in love with her he is.”

“Chat is my friend.”

Alya crossed her arms. “And tell us, how did you manage to become friends with him?”

Marinette looked at Chat, and after finding the silent look of approval in his eyes, she swallowed and took a steadying breath. “One night I was really upset, so I decided to sit out on the balcony. I may have started crying, and that’s when Chat found me. He told me he was also feeling down, so we talked for a few hours. He checked up on me the next day, and that’s when we realized that we enjoyed hanging out with each other.”

“Did you invite him to hang out with us tonight?” Mylene asked, cocking her head to the side.

Marinette sighed. “No, I did not.”

“You know, I should just go.” Chat tossed a canvas bag overflowing with snacks onto Marinette’s bed. “I’ll see you on Sunday, Princess.”

The unspoken sadness behind his words sent a pang through Marinette’s heart. “No, stay. It’s fine. Besides, I think Alya would kill me if I told you to go home before she had the chance to grill you at some point tonight.”

“You know it.” Alya chuckled and shot a finger gun in Chat’s direction.

“Wait.” He peeked the rest of his head over the ledge. “Really? I can come in?”

“Yup, and we were just about to play Mario Kart.” Marinette watched as Chat hopped onto her bed and scrambled down the ladder. “Did you want to play with us?”

“Do I?” He vibrated with excitement as she handed him a controller. “Is this what normally happens at sleepovers?”

“Have you never been to one?”

“No. I’ve only ever seen them on television and in movies, but those people are always doing each other’s hair and playing Truth or Dare.”

Alix’s eyes lit up. “Ooo, yes! We should play Truth or Dare.”

“No!” Marinette switched on her computer and loaded the game. “We are not playing Truth or Dare.”

“Ugh, lame!”

“We are playing Mario Kart, and then we are watching a movie.”

“I don’t know, Marinette. Playing Truth or Dare with a superhero sounds kind of fun.” Alya shot her a grin.

Marinette glared at her. “Video Games. Movie. Bed. That’s it.”

“You know,” Chat interjected, “I’ve never played Truth or Dare either.”

“Of course you haven’t.”

“It could be fun.”

“But you know what would be even more fun?” Marinette leaned in and flicked Chat’s bell. “Kicking your butt at Mario Kart...again.”

He chuckled. “That’s some big talk coming from someone who’s about to get crushed.”

“So says the boy who loses every time he’s played against me.”

“Oh, it’s on, Princess.”

“Jeez, if you two lovebirds are done flirting, some of us are ready to actually start playing,” Alix huffed, flopping onto the floor.

“For the last time, we are not dating.” Marinette crossed her arms and looked at Chat. “Right?”

“Yeah, we’re not.” She could have sworn that she saw his eyes dim when he spoke his confirmation, but surely it was just a trick of the light.

“See!” She said triumphantly. “We’re just friends.”

“Could have fooled me!” Alix held her stomach and laughed. “I’m just kidding. Anyway, are we playing or not?”

“Yes.” Marinette pressed start on her controller. “We are.”

As the first race began, she settled herself next to Chat Noir, accidentally brushing her knee against his. Her heart sank when she felt his body stiffen under her touch. Usually, Chat had no problem getting close to her. More often than not, they found themselves wrapped around each other under piles of blankets.

She couldn’t help but wonder if she’d done something wrong. Maybe he was upset that she’d said no Truth or Dare. Maybe she was too harsh. Maybe she should have said yes. After all, it was his first sleepover, and playing Truth or Dare wouldn’t be out of the ordinary.

Despite the internal debate that raged through her mind throughout the gaming session, Marinette came first in almost every race. After her eleventh win, she leaned over and rested her head on Chat’s shoulder.

“Better luck next time, kitty.” She looked up only to see him quickly turn his head away.

He must really be upset with her.

Alix slammed her controller onto the ground. “Ugh, can we do something else now? I’m getting bored.”

Alya rolled her eyes. “Are you sure you’re not just getting tired of losing?”

“Actually, I also wouldn’t mind doing something else.” Rose set down her controller and smiled. “Marinette, didn’t you say that we were going to watch a movie tonight?”

“A movie would be cool,” Juleka mumbled under her breath.

Marinette looked at Chat Noir. “Well, I’ve been thinking about it, and I thought that maybe we could play Truth or Dare...as long as we’re careful, that is! We’d have to promise to not ask Chat anything that could reveal his identity.”

Alix threw a celebratory fist into the air. “Yes!”

“Are you sure, girl?” Alya furrowed her brows. “You seemed pretty against it before.”

She nodded. “I’m sure. Besides, I think our surprise guest really wants to play. What kind of hostess would I be if I denied him the full sleepover experience?”

He met her gaze. His mouth rounded into a small “o” as a dusting of pink peeked out from underneath his mask.

“Are you okay?” Marinette asked tentatively.

He cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah. I would love to play!”

The rest of the group excitedly agreed and reformed a circle in the middle of the floor. The first few rounds filled the room with laughter as Mylene did the worm and Alya showed off her best Nino impression.

Once the giggles died down after watching Alix's reaction to putting ice cubes down her shirt, Alya adjusted her glasses and smirked. “Alright, it’s your turn, Marinette. Truth or dare?”

The last thing Marinette needed was for someone to dare her to kiss Chat Noir. “Truth.”

Alix rubbed her hands together. “First truth of the night. Let’s make it a good one.”

A wave of regret washed over her. “Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes! Who do you have a crush on right now?”

“I guess I should have seen that one coming.”

A pang shot through Marinette’s chest. She lowered her head and swallowed the heartbreak that threatened to resurface.

It had only been three months since she’d made the choice to move on from Adrien, and the wound still felt fresh. She’d done her best to bury the feelings she had for him, but her heart always circled back to the selfless boy who shines brighter than the sun.

However, she learned that as long as she didn’t actively think about Adrien, the hole inside her heart wasn’t as noticeable. Chat’s visits had really helped take her mind off of everything, but now it looked like it was time to face her feelings head-on.

“Oh, I know!” Chat blurted out, “It’s Luka!”

“No, it’s not.” Juleka’s hands covered her mouth while she spoke. “Marinette turned him down when he asked her out.”

“Wait, really?” He turned to Marinette. “Isn’t he the boy you’re in love with?”

Alya shook her head. “No, they had a connection, but I think we all know who really captured her heart.”

“Who?”

“You mean you really don’t know? She never told you?”

Hot tears welled in the corners of Marinette’s eyes. “I’m trying to move on.”

“Do you still love him?” Rose asked quietly, "Because it's okay if you do. Feelings like that don't just disappear overnight." “Yeah, but it doesn’t matter now. He’s with someone else. I lost my chance.” The words tasted bitter on her lips.

“No, you didn’t.” Juleka shook her head. “Don’t tell anyone, but I saw Luka kissing Kagami last weekend.”

A collective gasp filled the room as Marinette’s head shot up. “Are you serious?”

“Mmhmm, he doesn’t know that I know, but she comes over a lot.”

Alya nudged Marinette’s arm. “I think you just got your second chance.”

“But he and Kagami were so close!” Marinette grabbed her pigtails. “I could have sworn that they were dating.”

“You know, I don’t remember him ever saying that they were dating.”

“I guess I just assumed. I thought I saw them kiss.”

“I don’t think they did. I know he didn’t tell Nino that he kissed her, and those two pretty much know everything about each other.”

Chat held up his hands. “I’m sorry, who are we talking about right now?”

“It’s a boy from our class. You might know him. He was in that fragrance ad that seems to be on every billboard in the city.” Alya pointed to the class picture hanging on Marinette’s wall. “His name is Adrien.”

“Hold on.” The intensity in his eyes startled Marinette. “You have a crush on Adrien Agreste?”

“Um, yeah?” She shrugged. “I thought he was dating Kagami, so I tried to make my feelings go away. It didn’t really work.”

“But why?” His voice had dropped to a whisper. “Why him?”

Marinette thought back to her encounter with Adrien in the rain–the day love became more than just a word in the dictionary. “I accused him of something when we first met, but instead of getting angry and brushing me off, he reached out to me and asked to be friends. Is he one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen in my entire life? Yes, without a doubt. But it was his kindness and selflessness that made me fall for him.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

“With all my heart.”

“Is that why you were crying that night on the balcony?”

“Yes, but you made me feel a lot better. Thank you for that.”

Chat pushed himself off the ground and began pacing around the room. “I...he made you cry! You’re so sweet and kind, and he hurt you. How are you not mad at him?”

She reached up and grabbed Chat’s hand as he passed in front of her. “It’s not his fault! I never had the courage to tell him, so he doesn’t know. He’s a wonderful person.”

“Doesn’t sound like it.”

“Chat…”

“He broke your heart, Marinette.”

She shook her head. “No, if we’re being honest, I kind of broke my own heart. I never told him how I felt.”

He took a deep breath. “You should tell him.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“What if I’m not the one for him? He deserves to be happy!”

“I have a hunch that things will work out pretty well if you tell him.”

“Look, it’s not that I haven’t tried before.” Marinette buried her face in her hands. “But all of those attempts ended in disaster. How would this time be any different?”

“Easy.” Alix pointed to the cell phone on Marinette’s desk. “I dare you to text him.”

Marinette crossed her arms. “Nice try, but it’s not my turn right now. It’s Chat’s.”

“Fine. Truth or dare, Chat Noir?”

He plopped down on the ground. “Dare.”

“Excellent.” Alix grabbed the phone and handed it to Chat. “I dare you to help Marinette send a text to Adrien.”

“No!” Marinette snatched her phone out of his hands and held it against her chest. “Why?”

“Because it’ll be hilarious.”

"But it's my phone!"

"And it's his dare."

Marinette grabbed Alya’s arm. “Help.”

“No can do, girl.” She shook her head. “Alix is right. He got dared.”

With a sigh, Marinette reluctantly handed her phone over to Chat. “Please don’t do anything too embarrassing.”

“Trust me, Princess. I’ll make sure you get that date.” He took the phone and got to work.

“You may have to spell it out for him. Adrien’s a great guy, but he’s a little dense in the love department sometimes.” Alix’s laugh rang through the room.

Chat glared at her. “Rude.”

“If you knew him, you’d agree.”

“Unfortunately, I have a feeling that you’re right. Rude, but right.”

Marinette didn’t know if she should scream or run away. “Please don’t tell him that I like him in a text. That should be something I tell him to his face.”

Chat ran his fingers through his hair. “I know. All I did was write out a message asking him to meet up with you in the park tomorrow.”

“Did you already send it?”

“Yup.”

“I...but...what if he’s not free?”

“Oh, he’s free.”

“How do you know?”

“Uhhhh.” Chat scratched the back of his head. “I read somewhere that his father is out of town for the next week. I guess I just assumed that Adrien had nothing on his schedule.”

Marinette did her best not to hyperventilate. “Okay, yeah...this is great. Goog...I mean doog...I mean...oh, no, I’m stuttering again! It’s been weeks since I’ve done that. I’m going to make a complete fool out of myself tomorrow!”

“No, you’re not.” Chat rested a hand on her shoulder.

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re amazing, Marinette, and he’d be crazy to not like you back.”

His smile melted away her fears and calmed the restless beating of her heart. It was amazing how safe he always made her feel, both in and out of the mask. Marinette knew she was lucky to have him as her partner and her friend.

“I know everyone didn’t get a turn to go, but I really don’t think we can top that round.” Alya walked over to Marinette’s computer. “How about we watch that movie now?”

“Works for me!” Marinette leaned against Chat. “Want to sit next to each other?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

While Marinette set up the movie, her guests made a cozy nest of blankets and pillows on the floor.

When she was finished, she took a seat next to Chat. She soon found herself wrapped in his arms with her face against his chest.

Although sitting like this had become a regular occurrence between them, tonight felt different. Instead of the loose hold she was accustomed to, Chat held her as if she’d slip away if he let go. To her surprise, she really enjoyed the change.

As the movie droned on, the steady beating of Chat’s heart relaxed every fiber of her being. Reflexively, she reached her arms around him, snuggled closer to his side, and reveled in his warmth.

All too soon, Marinette gave into the heaviness of her eyelids. Still vaguely aware of the world around her, the whispers of an oncoming dream beckoned her further into the depths of her subconscious.

She felt a gentle pressure against the crown of her head before a hazy voice etched its words onto her heart. “You make me happy every single day. You always have, and now it’s my turn to make you happy. You’re the perfect girl for me.”

And for the first time in months, Marinette was at peace.

“I can’t wait for tomorrow, Princess.”

That night, she had the sweetest of dreams, and the next morning, she woke up with Adrien’s response in her notifications.

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Audrey Roget

Audrey Roget has 10 fics at Gossamer, with some different ones at AO3, fanfiction.net, and her website. You might know her from her very good fics or as part of Musea, a collective that all wrote fic and posted X-Files fic recs. I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas and The Shirt. Big thanks to Audrey for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)? A little, yes. Not so much by folks who were around in those days. I sometimes go hunting for beloved stories from the early years, both those I read and loved, and those I never got around to. I am always delighted to hear that later generations of fans have stumbled across my stuff, especially since I haven’t posted anything new in a number of years. It’s fantastic that both years-long fans and new ones are out there continuing to rec fic from all eras, and to maintain archives for fans yet-to-be born. What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? It may sound corny, but the main thing I think of, and the thing that has ultimately been most valuable and lasting, has been the friendships. The feeling of having found a tribe – not just of TXF fans, but of other people who could be as enthusiastically engaged as I was (if not more so) with fictional stories and characters – was mind-blowing. Since I was a kid, I had often mulled over the books/movies/TV I loved and speculated internally about what happened off the page or off-screen, or created new stories for characters in my head. But, except for an elementary school phase where I and my two BFFs regularly played Charlie’s Angels, I hadn’t engaged in that kind of gleeful immersion in a fictional world with others until TXF fandom. My involvement in fandom followed pretty quickly from getting hooked on the show, so for me, it’s all one big ball of experiences. Even as my interest in/involvement in fandom has waxed and waned over the years, I’ve been lucky to remain friends with wonderful people who I originally connected with as fellow fans.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

My initial entrée to the fandom was through fanfiction. I didn’t get interested in the show until mid-season 5. Around the same time, I read an article in a zine called Might (co-founded by Dave Eggers) about this thing called fanfiction that people would write and publish online. At first I thought it was satire or a joke – the fic cited involved Wilma Flintstone and a polished sabre tooth, as I recall – but then realized this was an actual thing. So I figured that a show then at the peak of pop culture must have fanfiction, and I went looking. Early on, I scrolled atxc on a daily basis and downloaded stories. But I didn’t engage in discussions about the show on Usenet, since I only knew how to access it with my Earthlink email client, and I didn’t want to post using my real name.

Later, I set up a pseud address with Yahoo and subscribed to a couple of email fanfic/discussion lists, and stayed subscribed to those for years. There was also a period in there somewhere – of maybe only a year or so, when I think about it – when I’d often nerd out into the wee hours with other fans via IM chat groups. That was around the time the small writers’ collective Musea was founded, and we were active for several years after the show’s initial run. In the early aughts, I followed many authors to LiveJournal and eventually set up my own account and stayed involved in fandom that way, until it mostly dispersed as well. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? In a word: Chemistry. I had casually watched a couple of episodes during the first four seasons, but I’m not a huge sci-fi/horror fan at heart, and the story lines didn’t immediately grab me. But I happened to tune into The Red and the Black in 1998, and BOOM. For the first time, the intense layers of emotion and attraction between Mulder and Scully really struck me – and then of course, upon further viewing, I realized it was unmissable, an essential element in the fabric of the show. As a wise woman once said, a switch had been flicked. Mulder and Scully’s magnetism was like nothing I’d ever seen, and though I eventually came to appreciate the storytelling, humor, production values, and other components that made the series so successful, watching those characters interact has always been what kept me coming back. Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files? I was part of a list-serv discussion group for The West Wing for a while, which was a fun melding of character and plot analysis with political discussion. Later, I got into the House, MD fandom, again mostly as a fanfic reader/writer. I was finding that other fandoms, unlike TXF, were more dispersed, the networks of people structured more loosely, if at all. There were fanfic and discussion communities on LiveJournal, and fanfiction.net was the other main hub for posting and reading, but if there was anything centralized like Gossamer, Ephemeral, or the Haven, I never found it. Within all those fan communities, as in TXF, there were partisans for various characters and pairings, and flame wars erupted over plot developments that outraged this faction or that. One main difference was that those other shows had larger, ensemble casts and more varied subplots. So on one hand, there was more opportunity to explore back stories and multiple perspectives. In House MD in particular, there were several entrenched rival shipper camps, which were about equally grounded in canon, rather than TXF’s central ship. I was less into TWW fic, but my impression was that readers were less militant about their pairing preferences than TXF or House fans. Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I was deeply fascinated by Greg House for several years. (And the love-hate chemistry between him and Lisa Cuddy was a strong draw for me.) House MD came early in a wave of TV shows centered on anti-heroes, and Hugh Laurie brought amazing complexity and thoughtfulness to the character.

Philip and Elizabeth Jennings (The Americans) are a lethal pair of antiheroes. The inherent moral conflict of a sympathetic narrative from their POVs, and the global political conflict they embody was TV catnip for me. The internal struggles at the hearts of those characters were so exquisitely written and performed, they completely fascinate me.

The West Wing felt so much like a show created specifically for me. I’m especially fond of story arcs and scenes that centered on CJ Cregg, Charlie Young, and Josh Lyman. Though I loved Martin Sheen’s human portrayal of Jed Bartlet, the fact that he was the President always made him a little untouchable in my mind. But CJ, Charlie, and Josh were basically hard-working functionaries who were ambitious and idealistic and funny and flawed, and they spoke to me. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I do continue to think about Mulder and Scully and watch episodes somewhat often. I’ll sometimes run a favorite episode as background when I want something comforting on. I read TXF fic pretty regularly, which can inspire me to go back and watch a particular episode or story arc I haven’t thought about in years. Just recently, I started listening to The X-Files Diaries podcast (@XFDPodcast, @admiralty-xfd), and that’s a fun dive into the characters, and how other fans react to and interpret episodes.

Every once in a while, a TV show or movie – and more particularly, the characters – will grab my attention and make me curious about how fanfic writers have interpreted the original material. Random example, I saw Singin’ in the Rain for the first time in a theatre a couple of years ago, and the chemistry of the three leads sent me to AO3 as soon as I got home. I also loved the first season of Mercy Street and found some well-done stories in that fandom. I usually peruse the Yuletide gifts every year and have been amazed by the sheer variety, creativity and cheekiness of the output. There are a bunch of other shows I’ve followed faithfully, and sought out fanfic – Broadchurch, The Killing, Agents of SHIELD, Elementary, The Good Wife. Although I’ve found some well-written stuff in those fandoms, I’ve rarely gotten the same charge from them as reading TXF fic. Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

syntax6 (@syntax6) – Universal Invariants/Laws of Motion. I’d also shout out to syn’s Hunter fics, too – well worth reading even for those who have never seen or particularly loved the show itself.

JET – I re-read Small Lives Awake every year around Thanksgiving time. Other annual holiday re-reads: Revely’s The Dreaming Sea and Jordan’s Through the Fire (both set at Halloween).

Amal Nahurriyeh’s Casey universe – the rare post-col fic that felt hopeful, made extra intriguing by a kick-ass original character. [Lilydale note: the series starts with Machines of Freedom and has lots of additional fics and snippets.]

Prufrock’s Love – Finding Rokovoko was genuinely terrifying and tender.

melforbes (@melforbes) – Seaglass Blue is a recent favorite, lyrical and bittersweet.

These are just a few (apologies to those that didn’t come to mind immediately). Fortunately for readers, there’s an astonishing number of authors who have written in TXF fandom whom you can depend on for a good yarn, insightful character study, and/or ingenious “fixes” where 1013 went awry.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Probably the two set in my own (former) backyard of Southern California: Enivrez-vous and Ravenous. I’d first read the Baudelaire poem that was the source of the former’s title back in university days, so I was tickled to be able to use a few lines as an epigraph. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online? It’s not out of the realm possibility. I’d meant for “Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas” to be followed up with “And One Time She Did.” In fact, the idea for that never-finished story was what inspired “Three Times” in the first place. I have a couple of scenes sketched out and – unusually for me – even know exactly how to end it. Every year, November rolls around, and I think I should finish and post it…maybe in 2021?

Where do you get ideas for stories? Sometimes it’s from my environment. “Enivrez-vous” and “Ravenous” describe places that I’m fond of, that made me want to place Mulder and Scully there. “What Not to Wear” has that element too – I set it in Memphis as a tribute to a great trip there with a sister Musean. But WNTW was also inspired by a kink challenge in a years-ago LiveJournal thread, so sometimes ideas come from fandom discussions or even other fanfics. In the House MD fandom, a fic by another writer made me want to continue the story, and the author kindly allowed an authorized sequel. What's the story behind your pen name? I wanted my pseudonym to sound like it could be a real person’s name – or at least, maybe like a romance writer’s pen name – rather than an online handle. I also wanted to use a slightly obscure fictional character, to amuse anyone in the know. I had long had a bit of an obsession with Whit Stillman’s 1990s film trilogy, which started with Metropolitan; the 3rd installment, Last Days of Disco, came out the same year I started down the TXF rabbit hole: 1998. The central heroine of Metropolitan – who is mentioned in or makes a cameo in the other two – is Audrey Rouget, a lover of Austen and, eventually, a book editor. I altered the spelling of the last name as a nod to every writer’s companion, Roget’s Thesaurus. Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? I have a few close friends – from outside TXF fandom – who know that I’ve written fanfic. I don’t know if they know my pseud; if they do, or if they’ve ready any of the fic, they haven’t said so to me. They are fannish sorts themselves, but not really TXF fans. A smattering of other friends and family members know or could intuit that I’ve been a fangrl on some level for years. My boss, whom I’ve known for about 3 years, recently mentioned off-handedly that she was really obsessed with TXF “back in the day,” and I am DYING to know if she got involved in fandom, but don’t think I’ll ever work up the courage to ask.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now? Most of the X-Files stuff continues to be generously and steadfastly archived by Forte at The Basement Office. The House MD stories and some TXF things are at fanfiction.net; same for AO3. If ever post anything new, it will probably go to TBO and AO3. I really ought to get it all together in one place, one of these days…

(Posted by Lilydale on April 6, 2021)

[ducklettwrites]

DST Zine Tryout Fic: “Caught in the Rain”

Now Available on Ao3

Fandom: Don’t Starve (Together) Characters: Wormwood, WX-78 Pairing: Wormwood & WX-78 (meant as platonic but can be read as romantic I guess) Description: Wormwood is a good friend. Author’s Notes: My tryout piece for the next Constantly Obsessed Don’t Starve Zine. I’ve been wanting to write something sweet between Wormwood and WX-78 for a while. My headcanon going into this is that System Overload must be pretty overwhelming, and can lead to some not so great effects if the sanity gets too low because of it.   Minor trigger warning: there is depiction of a panic attack and minor self harm. Don’t worry, it all turns out okay.

Springtime was the closest Wormwood got to being on his lonesome again. He sighed. The ceaseless rain pelting against his tent. The small makeshift camp was illuminated slightly under the glow of a lantern. He wasn't sure if being in his tent meant the darkness monster couldn't get him, but he wasn't willing to take that chance either. At least this isolation was voluntary he supposed.

He knew how he got during the Spring. His bloom cycle didn't make him the best company. The buzz bugs became attracted to him and weren't exactly friendly to the friends he had back at the camp. A minor, though painful, nuisance to most, including Wormwood. They were a bit more fatal to the newest friend he had made this past Winter season; and he wasn't keen on being the reason for any of his friend's death. So he settled a deal with them to tend the farm further away from camp. They'd come every few days to pick up the fruits of his plant friends and bring him supplies. He'd be able to come back around Summer, when he'd be needed to keep the plants friends at camp from succumbing to the heat. He hoped book friend would be able to take care of them until then.

A crack of lightning shook the tent and Wormwood blinked into the starless sky. Rain batted against the budding flower at the tip of his stalk. He wouldn't be gone from his friends forever, just for a while. Still, it didn't mean he didn't miss them, quite a bit actually. For this reason, when he started to hear the somewhat familiar sound of metal clanking against metal, he thought it was just in his mind. When his head began to hurt, he could have a whole lot of things just happening in his mind. But his head didn't hurt; he felt fine. So, why did he still hear it?

He stepped from the tent, grasping the lantern tightly with his leaf hands. "Hello? Who there?" He called into the dark.

The sound of rain and the continued clanking of metal was his only response.

Wormwood moved closer to the sound. From between the shadows of the rain and dark was a glow. A halo of light accompanied by two glowing eyes peered directly at him. He blinked, confused. "Robot...friend?" He questioned why, of all his friends, would the robot come to him, this late, and in the middle of a storm.

But he was correct in his recognition. WX-78 caught Wormwood's gaze and returned the look with the same wide blank eyes they usually had. Except, something about them seemed... off. They glowed from head to toe and extra special light came from their eyes. There was a noticeable hum to them now that Wormwood stood closer to them. Though their face betrayed no emotion, every fiber of his being screamed that something was wrong with his friend.

At first he moved to hug them, embrace them and make it all better. But then he remembered that robot friend had explicitly told him that they hated hugs. He stopped before touching their casing. There was a sensation of electric energy pulsing off of them. A moment of silence passed between them, where he was frozen, too scared to make a move.

Then a shudder of electric energy worked its way up the robot. Wormwood jumped back with a start. A pained screech indicated that it was anything but painless. WX-78 was shaking now, gripping their head and shuttering their eyes.

"Let's get friend back to dry." Wormwood was careful not to touch the robot, instead using his arm to try and lead them back toward his camp.

They reluctantly followed. The trek back wasn't long, just wet. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and WX flinched at the noise.

"Not far now..." Wormwood said sympathetically "almost there, friend."

WX nodded with a creak.

The camp was in sight. Wormwood led the trembling robot to his tent. They eased their way down, sitting in front of the entrance. He set the lantern in front of them outside and moved to rummage through a nearby chest. For once he was happy that choppy friend and his friend killer had stopped by. He pulled the hunks of dead trees from the chest and tossed them onto the firepit. The resulting blaze made Wormwood jump a little. He returned to the chest to pull out an orange vest before walking back to the tent.

With the fire going, WX was settling at the entrance of the tent. They stretched out, sparks flying from their joints where water had seeped in. Wormwood settled next to them and handed over the vest. He watched as the robot donned the outfit silently. By far it was their silence which worried Wormwood the most. He had known WX long enough to know that they should’ve been complaining by now. They had always been outspoken.

"What happened to robot friend?" He wasn't used to having to make the first words in their conversations.

They hadn't stopped shaking completely. Their fists clenched and unclenched as they had to force the words to come out. It looked like quite the struggle. "LIGHT...ING." was all they could manage.

Wormwood nodded, trying to force down his own feeling of unease for the sake of a friend. He did remember that there was something about lightning that robot friend talked about; and he assumed that must've been what they were trying to tell him now. "Do you hurt?"

Another struggle, this time they could barely manage more than a few sputters and creaks. Their expression darkened. Metal fingers clawed at the side of their temples and Wormwood could now see noticeable scratches begin to form in their casing.

It was a quick reaction. He reached out and grabbed their hands away from their head. A jolt of electricity stung him but he maintained his hold. He could feel their shaking continue beneath his grasp. He looked them in the eyes and they returned the gaze. "Does head hurt?" He tried to sound firm, hoping they didn't notice how scared for them he really was.

They didn't even try to speak this time, just nodded and dropped their gaze to the ground.

Wormwood squeezed their hands gently to get them to look at him again. "It okay, friend." He said softly. He wished he hadn't used that green mushroom in the crockpot today, but at least he had one other way to fix his friend's low sanity. "Sleep." He gave the order gently, but was clearly not to be disobeyed.

WX didn't seem to be in the mood for arguing as they obediently lay down next to the plant. He settled himself in. Sitting up to watch guard until his friend woke in the morning.

"SHOULD...T...NEED...HELP…" The voice was barely above a whisper, an unusually low volume for the robot.

Wormwood patted their back gently. "Is okay, friend. Don't need to be ashamed for needing help. Everyone need help sometime."

There was a creak as they nodded, then the sound of a buzzing snore as they drifted to sleep.

[luminecho]

Hello Echo, question. Do you still have Four brainrot? Follow up question. Do you have any songs that you associate with Four? Thanks bestie <3

Answer 1: Steel, I ALWAYS have Four brainrot <3

Answer 2: I am literally SO FUCKING GLAD you asked, you have no idea how excited I got seeing this holy shit. HELL YEAH I do!! Take a few songs from my playlist

If I include more than 3 Sleeping At Last, Of Monsters And Men, or The Oh Hellos songs on any given playlist or list of songs you may be entitled to financial compensatio-- *looks at this list* oh whoops

1) Crystals - Of Monsters And Men - this might as well be Four’s theme song for all I associate it with him. It’s so good. So so so good.

2) Call Them Brothers - Regina Spektor - Obligatory Call Them Brothers mention. This is not original at all I've seen so many other people talk about this song with Four and-- yeah they're right this song is about Four JKHEHBFDEKF.

3) Bad Blood - Sleeping At Last - I'm biased. If you know me then expect way too many SAL songs from me in any list of songs ever because I will never shut up about SAL and they have a lot of songs I like. So there's 4 SAL songs on this list, deal with it jhkwewjkwjkfh. Anyway Bad Blood gives me so many Four feels. 11/10

3) Soap - The Oh Hellos - THIS SONNGG. Ouugghh. I could probably dissect this song if I wanted to go over every little thing in it that makes me think of Four & why but I already exhausted my song infodumping capacity on the last song on this list so perhaps some other time HDEGJDDEKF. Just. The vibes AND the lyrics. Mannn

4) Forgive Me Friend - Smith & Thell - I have both the original and the acoustic version saved to my Four playlist because I really like both versions hwdfjefke but. There's so many ways this song could be interpreted w/ Four and tbh I'm just gonna leave it up to everyone else because every time I listen to it I think of something else lol.

5) Meteor Shower - Cavetown - I don't have much to say about this one other than thinking about this song gives me a LOT of emotions jhqkdhwbefjk. Just,,, it has a lot of self-acceptance vibes to me when I listen to it in this context and I think I'm drawing those comfort vibes from the melody? Idk but they're there for me lol

6) Glitter & Gold - Barns Courtney - Someone did a mini AMV to this song w/ Four a while back for the LU zine and I've associated the song with him ever since hwdkjgefhkfev. I like the vibes. Reminds me of the forge.

7) Lakehouse - Of Monsters And Men - Idk what it is about this song. It has a mix of homesickness feels and storytelling feels and something about that makes me think of Four. Also there's a line about breaking trust in here somewhere heehee hoohoo Vio go brr.

8) I Dare You - Bea Miller - my brain can't decide if I actually like this song or not for some reason buuuut it has big Four vibes regardless lmao. Mostly in the lyrics. Definitely in the lyrics

9) No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine - based more off the vibes of the song than the lyrics. i don't really have an explanation for this one, it's just always given me Four vibes for no reason hdwkjfgeh. Shadow too. I have it one both playlists

10) I Have Made Mistakes - The Oh Hellos - probably self-indulgent but this one has the self-acceptance and self-forgiveness vibes than go hand and hand with Four as a character so <3

11) From The Ground Up - Sleeping At Last - something about the line "in an effort to remember what being mended feels like" shakes me to my core. Am I allowed to slap the "self-acceptance" label on this song and call it a day? Cause,,, yeah the self love in this song. Ough. Also the themes of growth and being somewhere that's truly home.

12) Overture III / Awake - Sleeping At Last - Bestie this one's so self-indulgent. This song is pretty new and when I tell you that I latched onto it the DAY I first heard it FTHDGHWJKEFG. I connect so deeply with this song and I can and will project every emotion I experience ever onto Four which means he gets this song too. <3 Also it once again has themes of self-acceptance

13) September 15, 2017: Cassini - The Grand Finale - Sleeping At Last - OH MY GOD *VIBRATES INTO THE FIFTH DIMENSION*

Alright alright alright. Listen. This song is entirely instrumental. So why do I associate it with Four, you may ask?

WELLLLLLLL.

First of all, happy anniversary to the event this song was written about! Or-- well, it was the anniversary when this ask was sent djwhfkhjdewjhke. I took a while to answer it. BUT still. Happy anniversary!

Second of all, strap in cause I’m about to infodump the hell out of this song on my way to explaining my reasoning behind why I associate it with Four. It might seem irrelevant at first but trust me, I’ll get there.

(All the stuff I mention here is all explained in a much better fashion by the artist behind Sleeping At Last on his podcast episode about the song here. I'd absolutely recommend giving it a listen if you're interested!)

Cassini was written about a satellite with the same name that was built with the intention of exploring Saturn. On September 15, 2017, its journey was complete and its course was set to crash into Saturn in a brilliant grand finale. Hence the name of the song.

This song is a medley of four of Sleeping At Last’s songs, written as a mirror of the exact flight path of the Cassini satellite. (SAL has songs about each of the 9 planets + our moon.)

The song starts and ends with Saturn. The beginning is a chorus singing the tune of SAL's "Saturn" and the ending is that the song on the "Astronomy, Vol. 1" album leads straight into SAL’s "Saturn" to symbolize Cassini crashing into the planet. Cool, right?

After the opening the song crescendos with SAL’s "Earth" to represent Cassini’s launch. Cassini passed by Venus twice in its flight, so the part of the song immediately after that is from SAL's "Venus". The next part of the song (and ofc the next part of Cassini’s flight) is Jupiter! It’s very faint and distant since Cassini only passed by the planet. Aaand then finally it reaches Saturn.

Now what does any of this have to do with Four?

Welllllll, it's all a bit of a stretch but LET ME HAVE THIS hdgjhkjdwef.

I mentioned that Cassini is a medley of 4 different SAL songs.

Venus could easily be associated with Red! It’s a love song and love of course comes from the heart and all that. But it’s also a song that reflects wonder and awe and I feel like that’s a very Red feeling.

Jupiter is a song I associate a lot with Green, not only because of the song itself but also because of the planet and Green’s wind element. Jupiter is well-known for its storms! So it seems fitting for Green. Jupiter is one of the songs I have on my separate playlist for Green too. It has vibes of instinct and wanting to make things count and make a difference which I feel like fits him.

I feel like Saturn and Earth are interchangeable with Blue and Vio. I’d probably tentatively assign Blue to Earth and Vio to Saturn for now despite Earth being Vio’s element and me generally associating that song with him a lot more than Blue anyway. Saturn is a song about loss and trying to move on and I think Vio encompasses that feeling and experience. It’s very melancholy and slower-paced too, which fits Vio more. Whereas Earth is a very powerful, somewhat explosive song (which fits Blue’s vibe) about ignorance and possibly arrogance. ALSO if you go with Blue as Earth then it works even nicer because Earth and Venus are woven together very closely in Cassini. Which could represent how Blue & Red are both the "heart" of Four compared to Vio's mind and Green's instinct.

And ALL of these songs are packed into Cassini into a convenient little medley. Four songs blending seamlessly into one another creating a whole song that makes me want to throw my hands in the air and weep.

And how perfect that the day Steel sent this ask is coincidentally the anniversary of the day the song is about. jhkqdwfgehf. It was meant to be :>

[notfunnydean]

Pairing: Dean Winchester / Castiel Warnings: None Word Count: 2.574 Challenge: @sqz-zine Summary: Castiel loves his flower shop more than anything, but lately he can’t stop thinking about a customer. So he sends him flowers and hopes Dean gets what he’s trying to say. Link (if posted on AO3): https://archiveofourown.org/works/31529894

“Dean, come on!”

Castiel looks up when he hears the small bell above the door of his flower shop. There is a tall man standing in the door, with long hair and a deep frown. Castiel looks back at the flowers in his hands, puts them down and then wipes his hands on his apron.

“Yeah, Sam. Chill.” There’s a different voice and then another guy steps into the small shop. Castiel’s heart beats a lot faster at that sight. This Dean looks like he is straight out of a disney movie. Green eyes, dark blond hair. Freckles.

Castiel swallows.

“Hello, can I help you?” Castiel is surprised that he is still able to talk. The taller man, Sam, turns to him with a small smile, while Dean just stares at him. Castiel feels a bit uncomfortable.

“I’m looking for a nice bouquet for my wife.” Sam explains and he smiles at Castiel. That’s like Castiel’s easiest request. They already got some bouquets ready, but some customers wanna decide for themselves which flowers they put inside.

“Sure thing, you got anything special in mind?” Castiel asks him and he walks around the counter. Dean seems not super interested at all and is already on his phone. Castiel tries not to be disappointed.

His job isn’t to flirt with customers.

“Well… a year ago Eileen and I got married, so… I got something special planned for tonight.” Sam says and he looks so in love while he says that. Castiel feels himself smiling at that. Love must be so nice.

“Oh congratulations. Well what do you say Eileen likes? Maybe something traditional like roses or something more wild?” Castiel asks, but he is already picturing a beautiful bouquet in his head.

“How about something like that?” Sam says and he points at the purple hyacinth. Castiel raises his eyebrows, he understands that they look indeed very beautiful, but Castiel speaks the language of the flowers and…

“Purple Hyacinths. They do look very nice, but they stand for mostly sorrow, so I wouldn’t really recommend them for this.” Castiel says and he sees how Sam’s a bit surprised by this.

“Oh well no, that is not what I intended. She just loves purple.” Sam stutters out, but Castiel just smiles. He likes the color purple as well.

“Flowers have meanings?” Dean asks suddenly and Castiel almost jerks, because he hadn’t realized that the other man came back towards them again.

“Uh yeah, it’s the language of the flowers, I learned all about it when I opened this shop.” Castiel says and Dean looks really surprised, but also actually interested.

“Cool. I only ever knew about red roses meaning love.” Dean says and then his smile turns so beautiful, that Castiel has to blink a few times. Dammit. He’s really not good at flirting.

So he just nods and then goes over to some other bouquets. He has some really sweet purple and white combinations that he is pretty proud of.

“So here we got white jasmines, which mean sweet love or amiability. white clovers they mean ‘think of me’ and purple sorrels, which stand for affection. I know they’re not fancy, I do like more natural bouquets and…” Castiel starts to ramble, but Sam stops him before he embarrasses himself even more.

“I love it, it looks very beautiful.” Sam says and Castiel smiles thankfully at him. He takes one of the prettiest of the bouquets and carries it to the check-out when Sam says that he doesn’t need anything else.

While Sam pays for his flowers, Castiel can see that Dean stands at some lovely sunflowers and carefully touches their petals. The sunlight just hits him beautifully and Castiel’s heart squeezes.

He does seem interested in the flowers.

“Do you want some flowers as well?” Sam asks, when he finished paying and Dean is still looking through all the flowers. It’s clearly meant to be a joke but Dean shakes his head and he does seem a bit sad.

“Nah, not like I ever got some. Why start now?”

They leave shortly after.

Castiel can’t get the thought of his head all day. He wishes he could buy flowers. He looks back down at Sam’s contact info that he had left here for any future purposes and nods to himself.

Maybe he should be brave for once. So he calls Sam.

*

“Uhm hello?”

Castiel looks up from his work and his heart almost jumps out of his chest, when he sees that it’s Dean. Oh no, hopefully he hadn’t known that Castiel sent him the flowers.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel says and then bites on his tongue. Oh yeah so not creepy that he knows someone's name after being in this shop one time.

“Hi uh I know this is probably super unusual, but my brother bought a bouquet of flowers here like two weeks ago and you two talked about how flowers… mean something?” Dean says and he still has his hands behind his back.

“The language of flowers.” Castiel says and Dean nods.

“Yeah that and I… Well yesterday I found some flowers in front of my door. They uh got delivered and I wondered… if you could explain to me what they mean?” Dean says then he puts the flowers on the counter that Castiel had sent to him.

“These are white camellia.” Castiel says and he carefully touches the flowers. Castiel had used the most beautiful ones he had.

“And what do they mean?” Dean asks and he takes them back into his own hands. Castiel loves the soft smile on his face, even though he seems a bit nervous as well.

“You’re adorable.”

Dean actually ducks his head and Castiel can see how he blushes right in front of him. It makes his freckles stand out even more and Castiel’s chest squeezes almost painfully. God, Dean is so beautiful.

Castiel would be lucky to have someone like him.

“Uh- thanks.” Dean says and then his eyes widen almost comically. Castiel tilts his head to one side, because he is not really sure if he understands what’s happening.

“Oh my god, sorry. You mean that is the meaning of the flowers.” Dean says and he strokes his own hair, looking so incredibly embarrassed.

“Well yes. But you are adorable.” Castiel says and he has no idea why he’s so brave. Normally Castiel would rather die than admit something like that. Dean’s shy smile is worth it in the end.

“Thank you.” Dean says and he presses the flowers closer to his chest before he leaves Castiel’s shop. He almost stumbles on his way out.

Castiel hums happily to a nonexistent music all day.

*

“Hiya Cas!”

Dean looks happy today, when he opens the door to the shop. The last weeks Castiel had sent him flowers each tuesday and on wednesday Dean would come over and they’d talk about the meanings.

He doesn’t seem to know that Castiel is sending him these, but maybe it’s better this way. Dean is far out of his league.

“Hello Dean, how are you?” Castiel asks and he puts his watering can down. He had a busy day, but he would always make time for Dean.

“Good, thank you. I got new flowers.” Dean says and he grins so widely. Castiel loves to see him so happy. Dean had told him more than once by now how much he loves flowers and that most people would probably look weirdly at him for it.

“I can see that. They do look very beautiful. Gardenia. They stand for secret love.” Castiel explains and Dean’s eyes widen.

“You actually think they love me?” Dean asks and he seems so utterly surprised that Castiel’s heart aches for him. He had learned soon enough, that Dean thinks he isn’t worth anything. especially so much trouble.

“Yeah.” Castiel answers only and he can hear his own heartbeat throbbing loudly in his ears. God, Dean has to be the most oblivious person in the world, because he just smiles so happily again.

“So uhm… how is your garden working out?” Castiel asks because it’s spring and his own garden at home looks really bad. Castiel almost has never time to look after his own flowers at home and his garden is really small, but his landlord is an asshole anyway.

“It looks really good, thanks to you Cas. I planted so many camellias.” Dean says and he winks at Castiel. Camellias were the first flowers Castiel had sent Dean, but he hadn’t known they were Dean’s favorites.

“Camellias are truly beautiful.” Castiel agrees and he hopes one day his garden can be as beautiful as Dean’s one day.

“Why don’t you come over some time? I surely could use a professional opinion on them.” Dean says so casually, but Castiel knows him good enough by now to tell that he’s nervous. Castiel smiles.

“Dean I would love to.”

Castiel knows that Dean doesn’t mean this as a date, but he still couldn’t be happier. Of course at first Dean’s looks had caught Castiel’s eyes.

But the way Dean seemed disappointed that he’d never gotten flowers before, had made Castiel send him flowers.

And he had learned so fast what a sweet person Dean really is. He loves his brother Sam and his wife Eileen and he would literally kill anyone that talks back about his little nephew Jack.

Sometimes Dean spends hours talking about his own dreams. Having kids of his own, settling down, and having someone with him.

Castiel would give everything to be that person.

*

A week later Castiel walks through the streets with a new flower bouquet in his hands. This time they are pink camellias, since he knows now that Dean really loves those.

They mean ‘longing for you’ and that couldn’t be more true. Castiel knows he should be happy that he and Dean are already good friends, but he can’t help but long for something more.

He sighs.

Tomorrow he would officially meet up with Dean at his tiny house. In reality Castiel visits this house for over three months by now to drop off his flowers. He knows when Dean works at the garage by now, so he can easily leave his flowers at Dean’s doorstep without being seen.

It’s raining a bit today and Castiel is glad that Dean’s door is roofed over, so the bouquet wouldn’t be ruined by the time that Dean comes home.

Castiel can’t help but smile, when he sees Dean’s house. It looks so beautiful, he can’t really see the garden from the streets, only a huge apple tree that grows a bit over the roof, but he knows it will look stunning.

Like always he kneels down at the blue front door and puts the bouquet down.

There’s a noise inside.

Castiel’s heart stops.

The door opens.

“Hiya Cas.”

Castiel isn’t sure how he manages to stay conscious, but he slowly looks up to see Dean leaning against the doorway.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel answers slowly and he gets up again. He leaves the bouquet on the ground and he can feel the heat rising in his cheeks. Oh my god, Dean had seen him. Dean knows.

Castiel swallows loudly.

“Oh are those camellias again? My favorite! What do these one stand for?” Dean says and he acts like nothing unusual happened. Castiel needs a moment to find his voice again. Maybe this is a trick?

“Longing for you.” Castiel barely whispers.

“They’re beautiful and I just got the perfect spot for them.” Dean says and with that he turns around and goes back inside his house. Castiel isn’t sure what he should do, but then Dean is already calling for him.

Castiel steps inside and carefully pulls off his shoes, since he had seen that Dean is only in socks as well. He walks towards the door Dean vanished into and sees it’s the kitchen. It looks just like Castiel had imagined it.

Cozy and warm and so full of love. It smells like the apple pie that Dean had set on the counter. And right in the middle of the table, Dean has an empty vase and puts the flowers into it.

“Dean… I don’t think I really understand.” Castiel admits carefully and finally Dean turns back to him. At least he doesn’t look angry or disgusted. Maybe they could still save their friendship.

“Well I’m not the only one with uh… secrets. I know it’s been you for a while now.” Dean admits and he takes a step closer. Castiel feels so embarrassed. Had he been this reckless and stupid?

“Oh.” Castiel mutters.

“Sammy couldn’t hold his big mouth.” Dean says and Castiel chuckles weakly at that. While he had enjoyed gifting Dean flowers and crushing on him, Castiel had never thought about what would happen if Dean knew one day.

“Dean, I’m sorry… I didn’t…” Castiel starts to explain this somehow, but Dean stops him.

“Wait, I uh got something for you as well.” Dean says and he is out of the room again. Castiel hopes he wouldn’t get his ass kicked now, but Dean comes back with another bouquet.

“What?”

“Well obviously I’m not very good at the language of flowers. This is the only meaning I know.” Dean says and then he pushes the red roses in Castiel’s hands, who has a hard time believing that this is really happening.

“I love you.” Castiel whispers more into the flowers than to Dean. The roses are in his shop’s wrapping paper so Dean must have bought it when Castiel wasn’t working, but his helper Samandriel was.

“Yeah I know it’s a bit forward, but I really like you and I thought…” Dean starts but Castiel shakes his head. This time he makes a step forward towards Dean and puts the roses on the table.

“No, I mean, I’m in love with you, Dean.” Castiel says and it actually feels good to finally say it. Dean looks like he’s tearing up and for a split second Castiel thinks he has said something wrong, but then Dean is already kissing him.

Castiel closes his eyes and finally kisses Dean back. His hands find Dean’s warm cheeks and he forgets about the world around them.

When they break the kiss Castiel can’t help the huge smile on his face. Dean’s eyes flutter slowly open and Castiel presses another short kiss to his lips.

“I aloe you very much.” Dean says like the dork he is and Castiel snorts. Well he had known right from the start that Dean is adorable. Castiel would even bet that Dean had practiced this.

“While Aloes stand for affection, they could also easily stand for grief.” Castiel says and Dean groans.

“No, you don’t get to ruin my brilliant joke.” Dean says, but he is laughing and Castiel can’t help but laugh himself. He had never pictured himself this happy.

“It wasn’t that brilliant.” Castiel says and Dean looks so scandalized that Castiel laughs loudly. God he knows why he fell in love with Dean.

“Okay, then I really lilac you.” Dean says and Castiel groans.

“Lilacs stand for…” Dean presses a hand over his mouth and Castiel can’t help but chuckle again. Maybe they’re both the worst.

“Maybe we should stop talking.” Dean whispers and pulls his hands away. Castiel has to admit that he really likes that idea.

He kisses Dean quiet.

[fansofvow]

Interview with Eve Golden Woods!

Many of you know who is Eve is. She's a writer and artist, a part of Dreamfeel studios whose beautiful game If Found won Best LGBTQ Narrative and Best LGBTQ Indie game at the first ever Gayming Awards presented by EA games. I am really excited I had the chance to ask Eve some questions about herself, her time at Lovestruck and her creative process.

Congratulations on the two Gayming Awards (Best LGBTQ Narrative, Best LGBTQ Indie Game) for "If Found" from your game studio, Dreamfeel. What was the inspiration behind making the game?

If Found... was a game that emerged out of a collaboration between Llaura McGee, the founder of Dreamfeel, and artist Liadh Young. Liadh's background is as a comic artist, and so when they started working together Llaura had the idea of showing off Liadh's art by making a diary game, and using an erasing mechanic she had previously developed to let the player move through the diary in a fun way. By the time I came on board at the start of 2019, the game had already been in development for a while, so in some ways my work on that game was similar to the work I did for Voltage, because it was taking existing characters and concepts and writing a lot of scripts for them. Unlike Voltage, though, my work for Dreamfeel was a lot more collaborative and I had a lot more creative input. I really enjoy taking something and helping to make it the best version of itself that it can possibly be, but I was also really happy that I got to reflect a lot of my own experiences in If Found. Llaura and I both grew up on the west coast of Ireland, and although If Found... isn't autobiographical for either of us, it was definitely really meaningful to be able to tell a story that reflected our own experiences of growing up as queer teens in a similar kind of environment. Since the game came out we've had fans reach out to us and tell us that they also connected to the experiences of the main characters, and as far as I'm concerned, that makes me feel like I achieved everything I wanted to.

You are a writer and a visual artist. Does one come easier to you than the other?

I used to think of art and writing as talents, and I always felt like my art was at a very mediocre level (that's probably still true, lol). So when I was younger I focused a lot more on writing. It was only later that I started genuinely trying to improve as an artist, but when I did, I think I had a much healthier mindset, and approached it as a skill I could learn with patience and effort. Because of that, even though I still have a lot more confidence in my writing, I find art more fun and relaxing, and I don't stress about it as much.

Did you always know you would follow a creative path?

Kind of? Both my parents are artists, and I grew up surrounded by artists and writers, so it was something that was always very familiar and accessible to me. On the other hand, I didn't exactly have a clear idea of how to make it into a career, or what kind of work would be involved. But there's never been a point in my life where I wasn't doing something creative, even if it was only writing fanfiction.

What did your path to working professionally as a writer/artist look like?

I did a creative writing masters in college, but after that I spent years teaching English as a second language. That was really fun and I got to live abroad, but it was so busy and tiring that I didn't have time to do any writing outside of the occasional fanfic. I only started to take art seriously again when I became interested in games and comics as ways of telling stories. I did some critical writing, which led me to speak at a few local events and get involved in zine fairs. That was how I met Llaura, the director and lead of the Dreamfeel studio, and it's also what gave me the confidence to start applying for actual writing jobs.

Is there any work of art, visual or written, that you look to for inspiration?

So many! I try to read and watch as widely as I can, although there are touchstones I always return to, like the works of Ursula Le Guin and Terry Pratchett. Right now I feel very passionate about the actual play podcast Friends at the Table, which manages to combine really thoughtful worldbuilding and storytelling with cool, fun characters and great action scenes. I'm also reading a book called The Memory Police by Youko Ogawa, which has extremely beautiful prose.

Do you have a favorite piece of your own art, whether it is something you’ve drawn, a screenshot of something you’ve written or something else?

My favourite piece of art is usually whatever I finished most recently (I think that's true for a lot of people). Especially with visual art, once a bit of time has gone by you look back on it and start to notice all your mistakes, which is very annoying. But actually I do still really like the first piece of Fiona fanart I did last year. I managed to use some effects to give it a kind of nineties anime quality that I find really fun, and I think it conveys an emotion pretty effectively. That's always one of the hardest things to predict with visual art, whether the different parts will come together to create the exact mood you're looking for.

I also really like the compass I did for Bycatch. Krissy (@xekstrin) was the one who suggested filling it with fingernails, which was such a good, gross idea! As soon as I heard that I knew it was perfect and that I had to try and draw it.

Many people who read this blog know you as a writer for Lovestruck. When you look back on your time there, what stands out in your mind?

Lovestruck was very important to me when I first started because it was my first ongoing, regular, paid writing work. It gave me a lot of confidence and helped me to get into the habit of writing consistently and rapidly, which is a really useful skill to have. I know I was right to leave when I did, though, because I am just brimming with energy to work on my own projects, and channeling that power into something that you can't control will always end up disappointing you. Also, I made a ton of incredible friends, through Lovestruck itself but then even more so through VOW (@vowtogether), and that is more than worth all the difficult parts.

Is there any character that you would have liked a crack at writing?

Oh gosh, what a fun question! There are so many, but one I do sometimes think about is Axia, just because I know there are a bunch of fans who want her route, and because I had fun writing her as a villain in Zain's route. I can see in my head the shadow of a storyline that takes place after Zain's route is over, where she's in prison and trying to understand how she lost the battle with Zain and MC. I think there's, like, a gap there, where you could see her downfall forcing her to reconsider her assumptions about power, and that could build into a very interesting redemption story. But maybe it's for the best I never got to do that, because I would have wanted full creative control over it, and also I think the story in my head is very different to the sexy, in control, menacing version of Axia that her fans enjoy.

Do you have any upcoming projects you can talk about?

Most of my current work is under NDA, but I will say that I'm doing something very exciting with other VOW members that we should be able to talk about soon(ish). Maybe I can even give a little teaser... It's not a game, but it is something you can read, and my part involves cakes, swamps, and a museum.

Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?

It's a big long, but there's a section from The Dispossessed by Ursula le Guin that has stayed with me ever since I read it:

"For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think."

It's such a profoundly radical way of imagining the world, so different to everything I was raised with, but whenever I think about it I feel like I can see something very beautiful and powerful that I hope to come closer to understanding some day.

And of course, "Solidarity forever, the union makes us strong."

I was a big fan of the show Inside the Actor’s Studio. Host James Lipton asked every single guest the same 10 concluding questions. I’ve picked 3 of them:

-What is your favorite word?

My favourite word: for sound, I like words you can really roll around on your tongue. Chthonic, alabaster, insinuation. For meaning, I think simple words that encapsulate big concepts have a kind of power to them. We use them so often we forget how big they are, how much weight they really have, but they give us the space to imagine new possibilities. Love. Freedom. Revolution.

-What is your least favorite word?

I've heard that "moist" is a lot of people's least favourite word but it doesn't actually bother me. My least favourite word is probably one where I feel like the sound doesn't match the meaning. One of the Irish words for rain is báisteach, which I feel has a much weightier and more onomatopoeic sound than rain. Rain is just very flat and uninteresting.

-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Oh, so many! I love history, and I think being a historian/archaeologist would be fascinating. Or something that had a physical component to it, like being a potter or a carpenter. I don't think I'd be any good, but I'd love to take the time to learn.

What would be your advice to anyone who wants to pursue a creative career?

All the work you do matters. Even the failed experiments, the things you hate when they're finished. It all helps to make you better. Also, creative career paths are often really unexpected, so chase any opportunity that seems remotely interesting. Don't work for free for anyone who can afford to pay, but work for yourself and put it somewhere. On a blog, twitter, whatever. You'd be amazed how many people get noticed and get offered opportunities because of something they made in their spare time. You'll probably have to work another job for a long time, so don't be hard on yourself if you're too tired to devote much energy to creative work. Try to make art consistently, but don't feel like that has to mean every day. Don't chase after celebrities. Make friends with your peers.