#but i've been doing so many color studies in my free time

[rizsnt]

take me to war, honey i dare you

[niningtori]

cruel intentions | part one

part two out now!

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

summary: you live your life (un)comfortably in the shadow of your bright and beautiful best friend, chaeyoung. when campus heartthrob, beomgyu, takes an interest in you, you can't help but feel like it's just a way for him to get closer to your beloved best friend. in reality, his intentions are far crueler than that. or, beomgyu agrees to get with the campus' resident dark cloud in order to win a bet with his friend.

genre: romance, angst, campus life, clichés and melodrama (as per uje)

warnings: brief mentions of reader's abusive household, reader has almost comically low self esteem

word count: 7.8k

notes: hi... r u mad at me? i know i've been gone for a month or so and definitely have other projects i've promised to work on, but i've had a lot of personal stuff going on and couldn't focus on anything. i love this trope so much tho and couldn't stop myself from wanting to try my hand at it. i'm not expecting much from this seeing as how it's devoid of any suggestive content, but i figured it'd be better to post it so you all know i'm alive. if people want a part two, i will gladly make one since i really like this trope, but i do want to know if that's the case before i write anything. anyway, i think that's it. enjoy, my lovely friends :^)

you’re okay. you really, really are. you wouldn’t say you’re happy, per se, but things are alright as they are. there are worse things than living in the shadow of your bright and beautiful best friend, whom you love very, very much. chaeyoung is nothing if not dazzling, so much so that everyone falls flatly at her feet in the wake of one of her smiles. you are, as a matter of fact, no exception. chaeyoung has been like a savior from your unstable home life ever since middle school. she has stood up for you when you were too afraid to stand up for yourself and has become more like your family than your family ever was. even so, are you envious of the way that everything seems to go her way? you’d be lying if you said it doesn’t bother you at times, but it becomes more and more bearable every day. besides, you can’t blame her for it; she has no idea that you’re considered as little more than her sidekick and, for lack of a better term, a mob character in the colorful campus life you’ve grown to accept as not your cup of tea. 

being chaeyoung’s best friend comes with “perks” such as invites to what would otherwise be completely exclusive parties you wouldn't even dream of being considered for, but you can’t count how many times you’ve been approached with the intent of getting closer to her, so you refrain from any such affairs and opt to focus on your studies and fulltime job. in the beginning, your feelings would be hurt when men you were interested in feigned mutual attraction in hopes that they’d get closer to chaeyoung, but you’ve come to accept things as they are and you’re now known for your flatout rejection of anyone who attempts to woo you. 

these past few years, what with your heavy coursework, demanding job, and feelings of inferiority, have been grueling, to be sure, but you’re finally in your last semester and closing act of this entire charade you’ve come to call your college career. in a few months, you'll be a free woman and you’ll be able to begin your life as a fully fledged adult. chaeyoung will remain as your best friend, you know, but you won’t have to be compared to her every second since you two are set on very, very different career paths. life, as it is, feels so small and unvaried to the point of suffocation, but all of that will be over once you’ve entered the post-college workforce. or, at least, you hope it will. 

-

heeseung is lovesick, to put things in the simplest of terms. 

“i just don’t see why chaeyoung won’t give me a chance! i really, really like her,” he whines.

“i know,” beomgyu says with a roll of his eyes. 

“so why can’t you help me out?” he pouts.

“what the hell am i supposed to do about it?” beomgyu asks with a hint of irritation.

“gyu, you sit next to her and her friend in class! put in a good word for me!” he pleads.

“she’s always talking to that girl, so it’s hard to even say two words to her. you know that.” 

heeseung is, again, pouting, but the machinations in his head are firing in overtime as he searches for a solution. suddenly, his face alights as if he’s found the perfect plot. beomgyu’s wariness increases tenfold as he waits to hear whatever fucked up plan heeseung has put together.

“i know! what if you distract her friend so i can actually talk to her? and you can find out what type of guy chaeyoung likes.” he looks so earnest in this moment, but beomgyu cringes at the idea.

“dude, no. that’s fucked up,” he says.

“c’mon, i know you can do it!”

“well, yeah,” beomgyu nods in agreement, “but i’m not pretending to be interested in somebody just so you can fuck her friend. that’s wrong.”

“oh, please, gyu. we all know you’ve done worse.” he’s right. still, beomgyu vehemently disagrees. heeseung, in his desperation, can only think of one way to force him to give in: attack his pride.

“what, are you scared she won’t fall for it?” heeseung teases. “well, i can’t blame you. i heard people calling her the ‘iron maiden’ and that she won’t let anybody near her. why would she fall for you of all people?” beomgyu scoffs at his insolence.

“i could get her if i really wanted to,” he replies. “i just don’t feel like it.” 

“sure, whatever. i know you’re just scared she’ll reject the ‘great beomgyu’ and you won’t be able to keep saying you’re the hottest guy on campus.” beomgyu actually rolls his eyes at this.

“i bet you i could get her to fall in love with me by the end of the semester if i really wanted her to,” beomgyu argues petulantly. 

“prove it,” heeseung challenges with a raise of his eyebrows. now he’s got him.

“not for free,” beomgyu says with a smirk.

“... fine. what do you want?” 

“i want you to pay my half of the rent for the rest of the school year.” heeseung whines in response, but he quickly makes the calculations in his head and decides it’s worth it when he takes into consideration how fucking hot chaeyoung is. 

“deal.” 

“deal.”

and so it begins.

-

beomgyu, like most people, hasn’t really paid much attention to you before now. he barely even has an idea of what you look like, to be perfectly honest, but he can immediately figure out who you are just by looking to chaeyoung’s side as she's walking through the classroom door and seeing who’s sticking there. he takes in your features as if he’s seeing you for the first time, and he kind of is, frankly speaking. you’re not nearly as pretty as chaeyoung, and you definitely lack the aura she has, but you’re not bad by any means. your clothes are ill-fitting and your entire demeanor is soaked with an air of exhaustion, but if he looks carefully, it’s not like you’re an eyesore or anything. still, he’s considerably better looking than you are. this should be easy.

“hey,” he says softly in his baritone voice when you slide into your usual seat next to his, chaeyoung sliding in on the other side of you. to his surprise, you say nothing in response.

“hey,” he tries again, a little louder, thinking you just didn’t hear him or something.

“oh. hey,” you say confusedly before turning back to look at chaeyoung and continuing your conversation with her. well, that’s not nothing, he guesses, but heeseung sends him a knowing, goading glance from his seat and beomgyu feels himself growing irritated. 

when the professor enters, you turn to face her with a focused face and immediately pull out your pen to begin copying whatever she says down with solemnity. 

beomgyu is staring so intently, he’s surprised you don’t feel his eyes boring into the side of your face, but you don’t seem to notice a thing. before long, your professor announces that there will be a final project that will require a partner. chaeyoung excitedly grabs your arm with a grin, to which you answer her with a soft smile of your own. 

unluckily for the two of you, your giddiness is short-lived when she pairs chaeyoung with the person sitting on the other side of her, and you are stuck with the boy who randomly greeted you earlier. 

“i’m glad we’re partners,” beomgyu says with a smile as soon as the professor is finished relaying the details of the project with the class. 

“why?” you blink in confusion. 

“‘cause you’re really smart, right? and cute, too,” he chuckles. 

“oh, i guess,” you say flatly after a short pause. “when do you want to work on the project?” there is no wavering in your voice when you speak to him, and you look directly in his eyes, which is a far cry from the sweet, trembling voices and shy glances he’s used to. do you not find him attractive or something? no, that can’t be it. he’s everybody’s type. 

“i’m free tomorrow after 5. do you want to come to my place?” you tense up, but he keeps pushing. “you know, so there are no distractions?” you’re wary, of course, but you see no hint of sinister ulterior motives. besides, he can’t possibly see you in an impure way, so you agree with a low hum. 

“great. i’ll see you then.”

-

you arrive at his doorstep with your usual exhausted, haphazard look. some part of him thought you might try to doll yourself up to some extent, seeing as how you’re coming to the apartment of the hottest guy on campus and all, but he can sniff out no such effort. your hair is carelessly thrown up and your face is devoid of anything but the barest amount of makeup. your eyes are tired and there’s a permanent crease in your brows. still, he figures that complimenting you is worth a shot.

“hey, you look pretty today,” he says warmly. you do nothing but stare with a withering glance, but the grin never leaves his face.

“hi. where did you want to start?” you ask while following him to his living room and setting your bag on his couch. if he feels slighted by you ignoring his compliment, he doesn’t show it. 

“i thought we could review the rubric first and go from there,” he shrugs.

“okay.”

he makes several attempts at small talk, but they go nowhere. you are laser focused on the project and don’t even hesitate to reject any and all advances from him to the point where he’s beginning to grow frustrated. maybe you aren’t called the iron maiden for nothing, but the prospect of having his rent paid for the rest of the year is enough to keep him from giving up. he decides he’ll try a different approach.

“do you want some coffee? you look tired,” he says gently. you’re actually surprised at his observation, and he can tell. 

“yes, actually. thank you.” 

when he finishes making your coffee, he hands you a mug and you thank him while sporting a shy, grateful smile. momentarily, he’s stunned. he’s never cared enough to look for your smiles, and even if he had, he’d never see them unless you were with chaeyoung, but he realizes you look infinitely prettier while wearing one. 

“of course. if you don’t mind me asking, is there something wrong? you look really tired lately.”

“i-i’m just working overtime these days. th-thank you for noticing,” you sputter nervously. seriously? his feigned consideration of your personal circumstances is what makes you flustered? well, whatever. he can work with this.

“work is important, but your health is more important. don’t spread yourself too thin.” if your cheeks felt hot before, they’re scorching to the touch now. 

“i… i’ll keep that in mind. thanks.”

he doesn't probe much more deeply than that for fear of scaring you away, but you seem to have opened up just a bit in light of his thoughtful words. when you two decide to wrap up for the night, he walks you to his doorway.

“thank you for tonight,” you mumble with another one of your rare smiles. 

“you’re welcome,” he replies with a grin. 

you’re about to walk through his doorway when you turn back suddenly. before he can ask about it, your next words come tumbling out.

“chaeyoung likes confident men, but not to the point where they’re obnoxious. she hates movie dates because she wants to talk too much during them, but she likes stargazing, preferably with a picnic, too. she won’t text first, but she’ll respond quickly if she likes you back.” he’s stunned into silence and tries to stutter out something to the effect of “i wasn't trying to get you to tell me about her”, but all you do is give a knowing stare and he realizes he’s been caught. you leave his apartment and he’s left reeling. so much for being discreet.

-

the next time he sees you, he knows he has to apologize, but it isn’t until you meet again for the project that he decides the timing is finally right. 

you’re sitting on his couch, scrolling through your laptop as you proofread what you two have written so far when he musters up the courage to say something.

“listen,” he begins cautiously. you lazily look up at him and he tries to swallow the lump in his throat. 

“i… i think i owe you an apology and an explanation. i’m sorry for making you feel like i was just being nice to you so you could tell me about chaeyoung, but i really have no interest in her, i swear.” well, he’s half lying and half telling the truth, but he means it when he says he couldn’t give less of a shit about her. he can’t say he wasn’t just being nice to you in order to get his rent paid, though.

you look confused for a moment, as if you don’t even know what he’s referencing, but realization dawns on your face as you finally remember what he’s talking about.

“oh, it’s okay. it doesn’t bother me, anyway,” you reply with a shrug. 

“i’m serious,” he says firmly. “i really have no interest in her. to be honest, i’m interested in someone else at the moment.”

“oh,” you respond flatly, and you turn back to your laptop as if you’re bored and couldn’t care less about the most popular guy on campus actually having feelings for someone, for once. he snaps your laptop shut and you look up at him in surprise.

“i mean it. the person i actually want to get to know more about is you.”

your jaw drops in pure shock. 

“m-me? why?” you say, as if you can’t possibly believe that anyone could take a genuine interest in you. for some reason, he feels a pang in his heart at your sheer incredulity. sure, you’re no chaeyoung, but it's not like someone liking you is so rare of an affair as to throw you off kilter like this, right? 

“what’s wrong with me wanting to get to know a pretty girl like you?” you scoff and roll your eyes. you know you’re no trophy by any stretch of the imagination, so you have a hard time believing he means a single word.

“yeah, right,” you snort derisively. “the cutest guy on campus has a crush on me. you can’t honestly think i’d fall for that, can you? if you’re trying to flatter me to get me to do this entire project by myself, keep dreaming.” he’s surprised at your insistence. well, you’re not entirely incorrect. his intentions are impure if nothing else, but for some reason, he’s determined to prove you wrong. 

“oh, so you think i’m the cutest guy on campus?” he teases with a smirk and a wiggle of his eyebrows. as if you didn’t realize you said those words yourself, you look more flustered than you’d care to admit.

“w-well, i —” 

“i’ll take it. and no, i’m not trying to get you to carry our grade on this. i genuinely just want to get to know you better.” and he doesn't know how much of that sentiment he really means, but he does know it means more than it should.

-

after a few more meetups, you’re pretty much convinced that beomgyu truly has no interest in chaeyoung. he never asks about her, and even when you offhandedly comment on her, he never pushes to know more. he just hums in recognition or perfunctorily answers. as for believing that he sincerely has interest in you? you’re not sure you believe that, but when the project is finished within a week and he asks you out on a date, you can’t help but seriously consider this previously inconceivable thought. 

“what did you say?!” chaeyoung asks excitedly once you relay that beomgyu, of all people, has asked you to go to dinner with him. 

“i said i’d think about it,” you sigh.

“you should go! text him right now and tell him you’re going!” 

“i don’t know, chae. you’ve heard the rumors about him. he’s a player…” 

“who cares about the past?! i haven’t heard anything like that in a while. plus, it’s worth taking a chance, right? you haven’t been on a date in god knows how long. if you don’t text him, i will!” she exclaims. “gimme your phone, i’ll do it right the fuck now!”

“no!” you counter, clutching your phone to your chest protectively. “i… i’ll do it myself,” you mutter.

“that’s my girl,” she says with a sweet grin.

-

“i feel stupid,” you mumble as chaeyoung applies the finishing touches to your hair. 

“well, you don’t look stupid, i’ll tell you that much. you’re absolutely gorgeous,” she boasts. 

“as if,” you mutter, but you know she truly believes it. chaeyoung has always argued that you’re beautiful, even though you know that the rest of the world, including you, doesn’t think so.

“i’m being serious!” she says with a playful smack to your shoulder. “you look hot! i bet he’s gonna drool when he sees you.” 

“alright, you’re going too far,” you say with a shy smile.

“go! you’re going to be late,” she chastises. you check the time and realize she’s right. you hurriedly grab your things and scramble out the door. 

beomgyu offered to pick you up, but you vehemently denied this on account of the restaurant being a 5 minute walk from your apartment. you need the walk to calm your nerves, anyway.

when you enter the restaurant, all bright-eyed and beautiful, beomgyu looks up from his phone in sheer shock. he knew you were actually pretty cute under the exhausted veneer you have permanently placed over you, but he never knew just how stunning you are when you don’t look like life has run you over. you’re actually wearing form-fitting clothes for once, too, and he likes what he sees.

when you lock eyes with him, you actually smile, which you have been doing a lot more lately, and he can’t help but return it with a smile of his own. it’s a little more eager and sincere than he realizes.

“you look gorgeous,” he remarks when you sit down in front of him. 

“you’re exaggerating…” you mumble embarrassedly. 

“i’m not. you’re stunning.” and he means it.

“th-thank you,” you say, and the air is thick with tension before you clear your throat and ask him if he's already ordered drinks.

the date goes surprisingly smoothly, all filled with laughter and banter. he already knew you were smart, but he realizes how funny you actually are when you’re not so tense. you match his mischievousness with your own and it feels so much like a real date that he forgets why he’s doing this in the first place. 

he’s surprised to hear that you’re actually quite interested in music. you share a mutual interest in a lot of bands and you even offer up some recommendations of your own, which he earnestly writes down in his notes app. when he mentions that he actually plays the guitar, your eyes light up in interest. 

“will you play for me, someday?” you ask excitedly. 

“of course,” he smiles softly. a lot of girls have asked him to play for them, and he has always happily obliged in order to get in their pants, but this time feels… different somehow. like he really just wants to show you how much he loves music and creating his own.

as you leave the restaurant, he grabs your hand and laces it with his. to both of your surprise, you don’t pull away and even let him gently swing your hand back and forth. you actually look like a real couple. you feel like one, too.

-

dates with beomgyu become a happy, regular occurrence. you’re not necessarily together as of now, but it’s been about a month and you’re genuinely considering something serious with him. he seems to eagerly reciprocate this sentiment if his constant invitations are of any indication. 

he suggests walking to the nearest park to sightsee, and you agree before you can even fully consider it. as you walk through the trail and take a seat on a bench in front of the pretty, sparkling pond, he locks eyes with you. you look so beautiful like this, eyes devoid of their usual exhaustion and wariness, replaced by a sense of peace. he can’t help but try his luck and lean down to, hopefully, join your lips with his for the first time. usually, he’d have tried this a lot sooner, but for reasons unknown to him, he’s treated you with a lot more care and reverence than he’s ever treated anyone before. a sudden ringing interrupts the moment, though. you casually take out your phone and all the aforementioned contentment in your eyes flushes out as you see the contact information. 

“h-hello?” you say unsteadily as you unlace your hand with his and walk away. 

he can’t quite hear what you’re saying from the distance you’re at, but he can see how wound up you are. he tries to be considerate and tune out your conversation, but when he hears you yelling and the person on the other end of the line yelling back, he can’t help but be engrossed. you’re borderline screaming now about something related to money. something about a sibling of yours, maybe. something about how you’re tired of being taken advantage of and how the other person is being unfair. you’re angry, he can tell. indignant, even, but all of that leaves your demeanor when you deflate with insincere apologies and a sense of relenting out of sheer defeat. after the explosive call ends, you walk back to him with the same exhaustion permeating through your bones that he’s become so familiar with. even though you’re dressed and primped so beautifully, nothing can cover the tiredness of your entire person.

“i’m sorry you had to hear that,” you say in a monotone voice. 

“o-oh. it’s alright. is… is everything okay?” he tries tentatively.

“yeah,” you say with the most forced smile he’s ever seen. 

“do you… do you want to talk about it?” he asks.

you sigh. normally, you would not. normally, you’d brush it off and just call chaeyoung to blow off some steam, but for some reason, you’re so frustrated that you can’t help but want to tell somebody other than chaeyoung because you know you rely too much on her for comfort. as for that somebody being beomgyu, you, for some reason, somewhat trust that he won’t go around telling everyone about your family troubles. you also vaguely feel that he won’t judge you, either.

for his part, beomgyu genuinely seems concerned. he seems like he wants to listen. he’s shown you, in the past month that you’ve known him, that he really does notice when you’re tired and cares enough to ask about you. he tries to cheer you up with coffee and snacks even though you have refused to divulge any of the details of your personal life thus far. what’s the harm in trying to trust him? you feel like you can tell him about this, so you do. and once you do, it’s like you can’t stop.

you tell him all the dirty details of your home life and just how fucked up it is. you tell him about how you’re forced to work a full time job on top of being a full time student to help with your family back at home. it’s not that you mind helping out, but they show you no consideration or care and you’re always left feeling like you’re just there to be their workhorse no matter how many times you tell them that you’re tired. the only time they ever contact you is to try to wring every last penny out of you. your sibling, of course, is the exception, and is the only reason why you keep doing it aside from your unfettered guilt that you were practically born feeling. your need for validation has not sprung from nothing, and it seems like your money is the only way to get it from the people you reluctantly call your family. you don’t delve into details about the abuse you’ve endured, either, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. still, you can't help but love them. you just wish they loved you, too.

when you’re finished speaking, you don’t even realize that you’re crying until beomgyu gingerly wipes your tears away. oh no, you think. you’ve said too much. he’s going to be scared off just like every other guy you’ve told about your emotional baggage. who would want somebody whose life is in shambles? your self esteem is low, your financial circumstances are almost as equally dire, and you have no redeeming qualities you can think of. what have you done?

you hurriedly apologize for your outburst and wipe your tears away in a frenzy. 

“s-sorry. just ignore me,” you say with a shaky breath and he can see you folding into yourself. 

“why would i ignore you?” he asks, cupping your face. “you haven't done anything wrong. i’m so sorry that you’re being treated this way, and i’m even more sorry that you feel the way you do. you don’t deserve this, you know?” 

your eyes snap up to his at his words. does he really mean them? his eyebrows are knitted in concern and he seems like he really does care. 

“it’s… it’s okay. i’m fine. i should be used to it by now, but i’m just so, so tired all of the time. i feel like everybody on this planet just wants to use me,” you sob. “everybody besides chaeyoung a-and now, maybe, you,” you admit, grabbing one of the hands that holds your cheek. he feels like he’s been electrocuted as your words resonate in his heart. he is using you. he is planning on throwing you away at his earliest convenience once he’s done with you. 

but he’s increasingly unsure if he wants to do that, anymore. with every day that you spend together, he finds himself wanting to soak up every part of you. he wants to know everything about you. your likes and dislikes, what makes you tick and what makes you smile, and, now, what makes you feel so sad all of the time. he wants to be the one who takes away all of your exhaustion. he wants to be the shoulder you can cry on. he realizes that he never wants to see you sad ever again, and, more than that, he realizes that he’s felt this way for a while. when he began to genuinely care about you, he doesn’t know for sure, but it may have been the moment you told him how to win chaeyoung over as if you never expected anyone to be kind to you for good reasons. he realizes that he’s wanted to prove you wrong and that you’re worth giving a fuck about ever since then. 

“sorry if that’s too much,” you say in lieu of his pensive silence, pulling away from his touch, but he pulls you into a tight hug before you can fully separate yourself from him. 

“don’t be sorry. i want to hear about these things, if it makes you feel better. i want my girlfriend to trust me,” he says softly. 

“your girlfriend?” you ask incredulously. 

“well, yeah? i mean, if you want to be, of course,” he says sheepishly. 

“of course i do!” you say excitedly. you throw your arms around his neck and pull him into a sweet kiss. your lips are soft and so, so warm. warmer than anything he’s ever felt before.

-

it’s a mere month before graduation, and you and beomgyu have been together for a few months now. every day is blissful. he convinces you to relax, and his mere presence is enough to soothe your nerves. the exhaustion that previously hung around you like a curse is pretty much gone and a spark of life has finally entered your countenance. he feels proud when he thinks that he helped put it there.

every time you’re overwhelmed at work, he seems to notice before you do, and he always stops by with a meal because he already knows you forget to eat when you’re stressed. by the same token, you reciprocate this sentiment by showing up to his apartment and helping him through some of his harder coursework with no complaint, even though your workload is considerably heavier. he resists, at first, but you insist on helping as much as you can and you tell him it makes you happy just to help him a fraction of how he’s helped you. 

you don’t realize that you’ve helped him just as much. you’ve made him into a better person, unconsciously or not. you’re so considerate of his feelings and always make him feel important no matter how busy you are. he’s never felt this way about anyone or anything before, but he’s so grateful you’ve shown him how much love has to offer. love. he never expected to find it in such an unconventional way, but he knows it when he feels it. 

-

heeseung, for his part, is pretty satisfied. after months of chasing, chaeyoung has finally agreed to go on a date with him. he has promised her a picnic and a night of stargazing, which she happily agreed to. when she tells you about her upcoming date with heeseung, you’re a little surprised. what are the chances that beomgyu’s friend knew what you had suggested to beomgyu when you thought he was interested in chaeyoung? but they’re friends. best friends, even. it’s not shocking to think that if heeseung expressed interest in dating chaeyoung, that beomgyu would share what he knows. you snuff the light of suspicion out with a vengeance. hasn’t beomgyu shown you how much he really cares about you? how could you doubt him like that? you’re a bad girlfriend for even entertaining that thought.

-

it’s another dreary day in the library for beomgyu. he just wishes you weren’t working so you could hang at his apartment and make out, but he knows you’re swamped with work these days, so it’s all just a fantasy. that doesn’t keep him from indulging in it, though. when heeseung pulls up a chair next to him, he audibly groans.

“what’s with the attitude?” heeseung playfully chastises. beomgyu doesn’t need to rely on his almost preternatural intuition to know that heeseung is over the moon right now.

“oh, i know. you’re thinking about your little girlfriend, aren’t you?” he teases. 

“so what if i am?” beomgyu snaps, a little too defensively.

“hey, man, i’m just kidding. you’ve done a great job on bagging her for me. my date with chaeyoung went great, by the way. thanks for asking.” beomgyu just rolls his eyes at heeseung’s obnoxiousness, which, if he recalls correctly, was one of chaeyoung’s turn-offs. 

“i’m glad it went well,” beomgyu says sarcastically, devoid of any sincerity.

“for paying your half of the rent for months, it better have! it was worth it, though. so, so worth it.” 

“what the fuck are you talking about?” a sudden voice cuts in from out of the blue. chaeyoung. oh no. 

“n-nothing,” heeseung says hastily, looking like a deer in headlights. beomgyu can only stare with widened eyes — too shocked to do anything else.

“bullshit. you said you paid his rent because he ‘bagged her’ for you. were you talking about who i think you’re talking about?” heeseung rushes to deny it, but she turns her hardened gaze to beomgyu.

“were you fucking talking about who i think you’re talking about?” chaeyoung repeats through gritted teeth. beomgyu feels his heart sinking to his stomach. his whole world has come crashing down around him and he feels like he could just die from the shame. he wishes he could deny it, but her eyes are teeming with a sense of knowing. 

“y-yes,” he says softly while breaking eye contact with her and looking at his hands, which he didn’t even know he was wringing. a sudden burst of pain on his cheek tears his gaze away from them, though, as chaeyoung slaps him square across the face.

“you’re a piece of shit, you know that? she trusted you, and you know how hard it is for her to do that. you’re fucking filthy,” she says in rage and disgust. the librarian has now come to investigate the disturbance, but chaeyoung quickly says she’s already on her way out. before she goes, though, she sends one last damning look at beomgyu and leaves her parting words. 

“just you fucking wait until i tell her about this, you son of a bitch.” 

-

beomgyu is anxious beyond words. he doesn’t know if he should call you, text you, or show up to your apartment groveling on his knees. he doesn’t have the time to do any of it, however, before he sees a text from you saying that you’re coming over. 

when you arrive, that same old tired look you always had before meeting him is there, and it has increased exponentially. gone is the vigor you two had fought so hard to restore. oh no.

he tries to greet you, but you just hold a hand up to stop him in his tracks. you take a seat on the couch and look so tense you could explode at any moment.

“chae already told me, but i want… i need to hear it from you. is it true?” you ask shakily. 

“baby, listen, i was—” 

“is. it. true?” you repeat impatiently. 

“... yes, but i—” 

“i see,” you say with a solemn nod and a tight-lipped smile. his mouth feels dry as he waits for you to elaborate, but after a long, long silence, he realizes that’s all you have to say in the face of his deceit. he wishes you would cry, or be angry and yell at him for lying to you. it’s infinitely worse, somehow, to see you accepting it as if it was a matter of course. and, to you, it is. of course he wouldn’t like you — let alone love you. of course it was all a sick, cosmic joke. that’s what you are. this is what you deserve, and you’re an idiot for expecting anything different from him or anyone else.

“well, i guess you’ve won the bet,” you sigh, rising from your seat and smoothing down your skirt. “congratulations.” 

his eyes are watery now, but you perceive it as the reaction of a child getting caught doing something he knew was wrong in the first place. you have accepted things with the type of resignation only a truly defeated person would have, and it breaks him more than he ever supposed anything could.

“don’t be sad,” you can’t help but add when you notice his upper lip trembling. “you can smile; i know you want to. now you won’t have to deal with me anymore. i’m sorry for wasting your time.” your words snatch him out of his entranced state and he’s rushing to get his next thoughts out with a desperation he can only describe as primal. 

“n-no, that’s not it at all! and don't be sorry! i… i’m the one who’s sorry. i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean —” 

“it’s okay,” you cut in with a knowing smile, which shatters the last remnants of his heart. “i understand. i really, really do. i know you’re not a bad person. it’s my fault for taking this whole thing too seriously.” your smile is still there, but it has twisted into something truly ironic and teeming with disgust. not toward him, he realizes, but toward yourself. “i should’ve known better.” 

he’s rendered speechless once again, but you don’t give him a chance to collect his thoughts before walking away, closing the door lightly behind you. what words can he say to you to undo what he’s done? he wishes he could dig out his heart so you’d understand his true intentions. they were ill at first, yes, but they’ve evolved into something different entirely. something so sincere and pure he doesn’t dare to show it to anyone other than you. and you’re so calm about this entire situation, it’s driving him mad. how could you think so lowly of yourself as to see this coming? how could you think his actions were anything less than appalling and cruel? and, oh god, what has he done?

-

you’re okay. you really, really are. living in the aftermath of what you had foolishly believed was love is painful, to say the very least, but there are worse things, after all. what those things could be, you can’t seem to think of at the moment, but you know they exist even if you don’t have the energy to ponder them at present. chaeyoung, as expected, is more loving than ever. she rarely leaves your side these days. she’s always been clingy, but there is a level of doting and care she reaches without complaint on her part. beomgyu, to his credit, has seemingly taken the hint and fucked off. he doesn’t show up to your shared class and you took the liberty of blocking him on everything you could possibly think of. even it he hadn’t gotten the memo, chaeyoung is by your side like a rabid dog and she will gladly bite if he approaches. you’re grateful for that, you guess. him essentially cutting himself out of your life has made pretending like he never existed much easier. there are still traces of him, though, and they haunt you viciously. 

-

there’s a party celebrating your impending graduation, and you would rather die than go, to be honest, but chaeyoung makes such a convincing argument that you can’t help but relent after hearing her drone on and on about how you deserve to have fun and let loose since your college years are ending and you have yet to fully put yourself out there in terms of student life. you will, in all likelihood (and with any hope), never see most of these people again, so will it kill you to just let go for once? on top of that, it will be a welcome distraction from your downward spiral that inevitably comes when you think of beomgyu. 

you don’t really know what you’re doing when it comes to dressing up besides the basics, but chaeyoung knows more than her fair share and is all too willing to doll you up in a way you previously thought was impossible. after her flitting hands while doing your makeup and careful choices in wardrobe, you barely recognize yourself. for once, you feel good. you feel confident. you even almost feel worthy of standing alongside a drop-dead gorgeous girl such as your best friend, so when you enter the door of the house party, you don’t feel as small as can be under the scrutinizing gazes of all the usual party goers. one familiar pair of eyes watches you in awe, though, even if you don’t notice. you’re much too engrossed in the atmosphere of pure fun to recognize anything else.

you’re not really one for dancing — far too awkward and uncoordinated to really try it — so you sit as comfortably as you can on the decidedly uncomfortable couch and sip on what must be your third drink this evening. you’re smiling in contentment at the sight of chaeyoung dancing with her new crush. if you can't be happy, you’ll be satisfied with her happiness, instead. this is how it should be, you think. this is how it always should’ve been. 

you’re so stuck in your thoughts you don’t even turn your head at the feeling of the couch sinking as a boy sits next to you. that is, until he clears his throat and you’re snapping your eyes up to meet his.

“i’m taehyun. i’ve never seen you around before,” he casually remarks. he’s really beautiful, like, fresh off the runway beautiful. you almost wonder if he’s talking to somebody else for a second, but his expectant eye contact with you tells you otherwise. you shyly introduce yourself and mumble something about parties not particularly being your scene.

“really?” he smiles. “that’s a shame. i wish i’d seen you before tonight.” you can’t help but blush. “i’d like to get to know you, if that’s alright.” you’re not so stupid as to fall for a man with honeyed words, at least not again, but you find yourself caring less and less about the repercussions as your head feels foggier and foggier. so what if this is a sick joke? you’re almost out of this hellish purgatory you call school life, anyway. even if taehyun doesn’t end up liking you, what’s the harm in indulging in a little fun while you can? you’re not going to put your heart on the line again — you’re too jaded for that — but maybe you can enjoy his company for what it is, no matter how fleeting it may be. so before you can think any better of it, you agree. 

or, at least, you try to, but your sentiment is cut short with a sharp tugging of your arm.

“beomgyu, what are you doing?” you hiss as he leads you to an unfortunate-smelling bathroom.

“i-i need to talk to you,” he replies sheepishly. 

“what’s there to talk about?” you ask with a sigh. “i’m not mad at you. i forgive you. so what else do you want from me?” you actually seem a little annoyed, which he has never seen before from you. it causes him to sputter and almost lose his train of thought.

“you know what i want to talk about…” he says meekly. 

“oh? the fact that you dated me and said you loved me because of a bet?” you can't help the bitterness that laces its way around the edges of your words.

“yes, it was for a bet, but then it wasn’t about that,  anymore. i really did fall for you. i… i love you.” 

“i don't believe you.”

“b-but i mean it! how can i make you trust me?” his voice is overrun with desperation, but you quirk your eyebrow at his words.

“you can't make me do anything. i don't know what you're getting out of this, maybe some sick satisfaction that you can pick me back up again at your leisure? maybe you just feel bad for me? whatever it is, i don't care anymore.”

“no! listen to me, i really do care about you! i know i hurt you, but let me be there for you. i… i'll prove to you how much i care. how much i love you.” you're quiet for a long, long time. an excruciatingly long time. you seem to consider every syllable he just uttered, but you don’t seem fazed by his sincere words at all, and he worries he's losing you for good. before he can stop himself, he gently cups your face in his hands and tenderly runs the pads of his thumbs across your cheeks. you don't push him away and, for that, he’s grateful.

“alright. alright, i do believe you. i believe you love and care about me,” you admit with a sigh. he lets out a shaky breath he didn’t even know he was holding in before he presses his forehead against yours. thank god you believe him. maybe you don’t trust him yet, but he’ll do everything in his power to earn it back.

“i believe you, but it’s not enough,” you say resolutely, grabbing his hands and prying them off of you. his heart sinks and he can’t help but feel the sting of tears in his eyes.

“i forgive you, i really, really do, but you can't treat people however you want and expect things to go back to the way they were just because you’re sorry. i can’t… i won’t accept that.” he winces and he makes no move to stop his tears from falling now, but he bites his lip to stop the whimpers.

“you know me. you know how hard it is for me to… to believe that i’m worth loving.” he flinches at your self-deprecating words and he wishes he could kiss your face and erase any doubts of your worthiness. you are the most lovable person in the world to him. he wants to shake you and demand that you see it, but what right does he have to do so? instead, all he can do is shake his head furiously in denial of your sentiments.

“and everything you said, everything you did, just makes me believe that i’m right about myself. even if you mean it now, i can't get over the fact that it was all a lie from the start. if you love and care about me like you say you do, don’t you think i deserve better than that? better than having to be reminded that the person i love the most in this world only chose me because he wanted to get his rent paid?”

“i’m… i’m so sorry,” he repeats with a whine. “i wish i could go back in time and redo everything.”

“but you can’t,” you say softly, and he whines again, like an animal. 

“i promise… i promise that i really love you, okay? and i’ll wait for as long as i have to for you to see that,” he says between sobs. you can’t help but feel sorry for him. you’ve seen beomgyu cry from stress, but never from the pure, unadulterated amount of pain he’s feeling as of now. you almost want to acquiesce and let him have his way, but you can’t do that. you don’t have much dignity to speak of, but even you can’t tolerate a betrayal this sizable. maybe, before you met him, you would have, but ironically enough, his presence has taught you that you should never compromise yourself like that for anyone. not even for the one you love the most.

“thank you, beomie,” you say softly, “but i don’t want you to wait for me. i want you to be happy, okay?” you ask as you stand on your tiptoes and press a goodbye kiss to his forehead. “and i’ll try to be happy, too.” without waiting for an answer, you leave the bathroom and shut the door behind you. 

“i don’t want to be happy if it’s not with you,” he mumbles bitterly, but you’re too far away to hear it.

notes pt. 2: is this cheesy? YES. do i care? ONLY A LITTLE BIT. anyway like i said lmk if u want a part two <3

taglist: @my313 @superbbananananana @zzhyuu @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @defnotleee @midwinterblizzard

*if you would like to be added to my permanent taglist or my taglist for the (maybe) upcoming next part, lmk!

[jinglebuckrock]

I Really Ducking Love You

this is just Bucktommy being cute with rubber ducks 🤗🦆

read it on ao3

When Tommy opens the center console of Evan's Jeep looking for their misplaced shopping list, he doesn't expect to find the compartment full of rubber ducks. He stares down at the toys, eyebrows scrunched as he studies them. They aren't just the plain yellow ones; there is a varying range of colors, glitters, occupations, and accessories. Tommy doesn't know how long he stands there staring, but it must have been too long because the driver's side door opens, and Evan pops his head in.

Tommy looks up at him.

"Babe, why do you have so many rubber ducks?"

Evan's face twists in confusion at the question for a second before it lights up with a smile as he laughs, leaning farther into the car to peer into the center console.

"It's something that started during the pandemic. You see a Jeep, you leave a duck. That sorta thing. I've seen these accounts on Tik Tok who have whole set ups in their trunks so they can make the ducks customized to the Jeeps they see. And some people even have these little stands on their mirrors so people have a better place to leave them instead of somewhere that they aren't going to be seen. The dedication people have to it is insane but I kind of admire them for it."

Tommy nods at the information as he reaches into the pile of ducks and pulls out the first one that catches his eye, a hot pink one with sunglasses.

"There must be alot of Jeep owners around because you have amassed quite the collection here." He gives the pink duck a squeeze and it makes Evan laugh before he reaches across the car and plucks the duck from his hand, setting it back with it friends.

"These aren't all from other people. I bought a variety bag so I didn't have to give away the ones I recieved. Those are tucked away safely at my apartment so they don't get mixed up."

Tommy hums in understanding as he reaches back into the center console and grabs the list he got distracted from before. Moving the notepad uncovers a duck he couldn't see before. An idea starts to form as he snaps the lid shut and plops the list into his boyfriend's waiting hand.

"Alright, I want a duck tour when we get home. Right now, we gotta get into that store before it gets too crowded or we are never getting out of here." Evan salutes and backs out of the driver's side as Tommy does the same on the passenger's side. They meet around the front of the car, and Evan grabs Tommy's hand with his free one, intertwining their fingers. Tommy's gives his hand a quick squeeze before he's being pulled along towards the carts as Evan starts rattling off what they need for dinner.

-- a few days later --

Tommy gets to set his plan into motion a few days after the 'Great Duck Discovery' when they go to the movies. After their showing ends and they're making their way towards to exit, Evan lets him know he's going to take a quick trip to the bathroom. Tommy nods, tells him to take his time and that he'll be out in the car waiting. Evan gives him a thumbs up and heads towards the restroom and Tommy is out of the theater's front doors before the bathroom door even closes.

When he gets to the Jeep, he moves around to the trunk to dig through his work bag where he stashed the duck he had ordered the night of their trip to the grocery store. It's a little pilot duck that had arrived the day before their date tonight. Tommy had spent his entire afternoon off transforming the little duck into exactly what he had had in mind. He had painted it's flight suit a darker blue to match the one he wears at work. With the thinnest sharpie he owned Tommy had carefully written his last name on the front as a mirror of his nametag. He had even made an attempted at the Harbor station patch. Tommy shuts the trunk and moves around to the passenger's side. carefully placing the duck on the door handle before hopping into the driver's seat. He pulls out his phone and pretends to be occupied with it while he waits.

A couple of minutes pass before the crunch of gravel under foot draws his attention. He doesn't look up from his phoe but he knows it's Evan from the way the footsteps pause and a huff of laughter comes from outside of the car. The passenger side door opens and Tommy tips his head to see one grinning Evan Buckley.

"Seems like I've got a new duck to add to my personal collection." Evan lifts his hand to show off the duck, wiggling it in the air. It makes Tommy laugh as he goes to set his phone down in the cup holder so he can take the duck so Evan can get into the car. The duck is dropped into his waiting palm as Evan hoists himself into his seat, closing the door behind him. He turns to look at Tommy then, a small smile on his face.

Tommy smiles back as Evan leans across the center console to press his lips against Tommy's. They both sigh into the kiss and Tommy  brings his hand up to card his fingers through Evan's hair completely forgetting about the rubber duck in his hand. He pulls away with a laugh, shaking his head when Evan grins even wider.

"What was that for?" Tommy asks as Evan plucks the duck from his hand and leans forward to situate the little toy securely against the windshield. Evan sits back in his seat before turning to face Tommy again, his smile softening as his shrugs a shoulder.

"Just, uh, wanted to say thank you for a wonderful night, is all."

And with that answer, it's Tommy's turn to lean across the center console so he can gently grasp his boyfriend's chin, angling his face so he can press their lips together again. This time when he goes to sink his fingers into Evan's hair, there isn't a rubber duck in his way.

-- the next morning --

Tommy's just finished filling his travel mug when he hears the shuffle of feet making their way down the hal and into the kitchen. When Evan reaches him, he immediately plasters himself to Tommy's back. His arms come up to wrap tightly around Tommy's waist as Evan rests his forehead against Tommy's back. Neither of them speaks right away and Tommy's wondering if his boyfriend has fallen asleep standing up when Evan shifts, splaying his hands across Tommy's stomach. Tommy chuckles, shaking his head fondly.

"I thought I told you to go back to sleep."

The other man grumbles something into the fabric of Tommy's shirt and it makes him laugh as he settles his hand on Evan's wrists, giving them a light squeeze. He feels Evan lift his head so he can hook his chin over Tommy's shoulder instead. "I know, but I wanted to give you a little present before you went in."

Tommy hums as he nudges Evan away just enough to turn around in his arms. He sets his hands on the other man's hips, tucking his thumbs under his sleep shirt to brush lightly over the skin there.

"As much as I would love a repeat performance of last night, I am going to end up being very late to work." Evan rolls his eyes with a shake of his head, whacking Tommy in the arm before pulling his hand away to reach for somthing in the pocket of his sweats.

"It's not that kind of gift! Get your head out of the gutter, old man." Tommy huffs and pinches at Evan's side, which earns him a yelp and a fist thumped against his chest.

"I meant," Evan opens the hand still resting against Tommy's chest to show off a rubber duck, "that I wanted to give you this."

The rubber duck sitting in Evan's palm is dressed like a firefighter and Tommy instantly knows it's the same one he saw that day in the grocery store parking lot. He takes a moment to look over the duck before flicking his eyes up to meet Evan's.

"Did you give it your birthmark?" Evan nods, ducking his head a little as his free hand fiddles with the hem of Tommy's shirt. "I figured since I have a little Tommy Duck in my car, you, uh, could have a little Buck Duck in yours."

Tommy lifts his hand to cup Evan's cheek, and he ducks down a little so he can press their lips together. Evan's sighs against his mouth, setting his palm and the duck to rest against Tommy's chest.

When they seperate, Tommy releases Evan's chin and takes the duck into his hand, eyes flicking over the toy again. In addition to the birthmark, the original design on the hat has been blacked out and replaced with a silver '118'. The duck's eyes have been painted blue and Tommy releases they match the blue he used to paint his own duck's outfit. When he tips it forward to look at the duck's back, 'Buckley' is written across the back in the same silver from the hat. Evan watches him during the whole inspection, eyes flitting across the other man's face like he's trying to read his boyfriend's mind. Tommy finally lets him in on how he feels when he leans forward, stealing a quick kiss.

"I love it."

"Oh, good. I'm glad." Tommy brushes his thumb across Evan's hip as he watches the other man relaxes, the uncertainty that had been there moments before over his little gift completely forgotten.

"And I see you found the remnants of my own project at some point which leads me to wonder when you even had time to do this." Evan chuckles at that.

"It might have been after you fell asleep last night. You were snoring so loud I managed to sneak out to my car, sneak back in, and complete this little surprise all without waking you up." And Tommy would be impressed about his boyfriend's dedication if not for the little comment about the snoring.

"I do not snore, Evan."

"You absolutely do snore, Thomas. And as your boyfriend, I find it very concerning that you can not hear if someone has entered your hom while you're asleep because of all the snoring! It's a real problem you know. Maybe we should look into getting it checked out. Or possibly installing an alarm system."

Tommy scoffs as he pinches at Evan's side again but the other man doesn't budge. Just tilts his face up with the bigest smirk on his face. Tommy would think it was cute if he wasn't currently under attack.

"You're a brat, you know that?" Evan's bats his eyelashes up at Tommy, smirk turning into something more innocent.

"Yeah, but lucky for you, I'm you're brat and you love me for it." And Tommy tries to scowl, he really does, but he always finds it so hard to stay mad at his boyfriend and those pretty blue eyes of his.

"Damn right I do." Tommy grins. "I guess you could say that I really ducking love you." Evan groans at the pun but his eyes are bright and full of laughter as he tips forward, slotting their mouths together. Tommy makes a pleased little humming sound as he slips his arm fully around Evan's waist, bringing them even closer, and Evan uses the opportunity to wrap his arms around Tommy's neck. He lets Evan kiss him breathless for who knows how long before he's pulling away, chest heaving as Evan chases after his lips. Tommy squeezes his hips, keeping him in place. Evan pouts about it and Tommy squeezes him again in a silent apology because as tempting as it is to keep kissing him, Tommy has something to say.

"I was just thinking that if you're so concerned with me sleeping through an intruder, what if you moved in? That way you wouldn't have to worry so much." Evan jerks back so suddenly that it unbalances them and Tommy staggers forward a few steps to press him back against the island. Evan's staring at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

Tommy's not sure how long they stand there before Evan finally snaps his mouth shut, but he still doesn't say anything. Tommy's face starts to heat as he wonders if he just made the biggest mistake of his life

"I mean, you don't have to, obviously. Unless you want to. Or you don't. Or- god, I've made a mess of this, haven't I?" He clenches his fist, and it makes the little Buck Duck squeak unhappily. "Why don't you take today and think about it? We could talk about it more tomorrow if-" Tommy doesn't even get to finish his rambling because Evan is surging forward, crashing their lips together.

Tommy grunts as he gets an armful of Evan Buckley, his grip tightening and eyes falling closed as he tries to keep up with his boyfriend's very enthusiastic attempt at trying to devour him whole. Except Evan pulls away a few moments later, his lips are red and slick and it's Tommy's turn to chase after them. Evan laughs, bright and slightly hysterical sounding, as he sways out of reach.

"Wait, baby, wait, hold on. I have to say yes to moving in first." And that stops Tommy dead in his tracks.

"Yes to moving in?"

Evan nods, hands coming up to brush through the short hairs along Tommy's neck. "Of course I'll move in, Tom. I couldn't imagine saying no to getting to come home to you every day."

Now it's Tommy turn to laugh a little hysterically as he's tugged forward into Evan's space, getting a taste of the grin that's spread across Evan's lips as they settle against each other. And as Evan gets a hand in his hair and Tommy works his hands under Evan's shirt, Tommy accepts that he is definitely going to be late to work.

(Tommy, miraculously makes it to Harbor with two whole minutes to spare. He jogs into the locker room and manages to change, stash his stuff in his locker and slide into the open seat next to Lucy right before their captain gets into the morning briefing. Tommy sags into his chair, hand slipping into his pocket in search of the little duck he stowed away before he came out, hand closing around it. And he knows the duck was meant for his car but Tommy thinks the helicopter could use a little touch of Evan instead.)

[wisteriagoesvroom]

📚 10 f1 fics i've loved lately 🏎️

been thinking a lot about how to organise fic recs into some sort of sensible post, 'cus there are so many (great!) pairings and (delicious!) driver combinations, not to mention so many varying styles of fic and SUPER TALENTED WRITERS!!111!!

just gonna list a bunch in no particular order, with accompanying pics, so you can get a sense of the vibes.

'cus what is f1 rpf but all about the ✨ vibes?! 🏁

p.s. people are in this community making amazing stuff for freeee!! if you liked these please leave a kudos or a comment, it makes a writer's day 🫡 

let's gooooo--

objects in the mirror by linearity (@drivestraight) charles/max. 87k words (series), rated t then e

listen. LISTEN! charles to rbr is one of the best premises ever and i will read it in like a thousand iterations. but this fic. this fic series in particular cleared my skin, made me want to cut my hair into a bob out of sheer emotion. i would be remiss not to start with this one because its impact on my f1 rpf trajectory should be studied by science. you know when a story just jumps off the page and it's so real that it becomes your canon. a kind of meteoric inevitability. plus, i almost never cry at fics. but by the time the third act of this one hit, i just went -- damn, am i rly about to tear up at a f1 rpf fanfiction rn? (yes.)

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sawtooth by nottonyharrison (@nottonyharrison) charles/max. 40k words, rated e

max as a f1 engineer? for CARLOS at FERRARI? sign me the fuckkk up. first off, awesome premise. there's always going to be something so heartwrenching about "what ifs", especially in any universe where max isn't a racer. despite the change of circumstances, just... the sheer poetry of two characters who just inexplicably find their way to each other in any universe... 🤧 also this story nails racing scenes in a way that's so visceral, i feel like a fly on the damn halo with them. and, aside from the gourmet lestappen, carlos's whole thing in this fic is joyous! spicy! he's so unapologetic and vaguely annoying! hilarious! + the swimming pool scene lives rent-free in my head.

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salt skin by peachbellini (@strawberry-daiquiris) oscar/lando. 12k words, rated e

this fic is magic. literally and figuratively. (MERMAID LANDO???? MERMAID LANDO.) the kind of story that makes you gasp and melt a little bit. and made me want to throw my phone at the writer, 'cause it's really that good. the yearning, the metaphor for all that's monstrous, a boy who is lost (and the boy who he finds, is equally so). this is just beautifully written and a little quirky and so well executed. i think i put it in my bookmarks as "what if lando was a mermaid and it was filmed by a24" or something. pearl of a story.

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hockey!! shrimp colors :) by leafmeal0ne (@ocontraire) oscar/lando. 13k words, rated t

leaf meal one. i have only known you a week but if anything were to happen to you i would wreck everyone in the room including myself. in all seriousness, anything that leaf writes is brilliant. they're one of these writers who could do a throwaway line on the label of a ketchup bottle and i will probably scream about it. the precision, the way they switch up sentence structures, the freaking darcy-level regency yearning transposed onto a contemporary sports setting. i'd rec all of leaf's sports AUs and i'll probably talk about more in a future fic rec post. BUT. the hockeyyy one my GOD. the barely restrained violence, their mutual desire, the theme of finding your place... *wails uncontrollably*

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you almost unearthly thing by anonymous max/daniel, 3.7k words, rated g

max is a governess(govern..lad?) and daniel is the mystery man at the manor. this was a response to a request i made in the kinkmeme! (if you haven't read those fics go check 'em out, there are so many great ones, and not necessarily all rated e). this is a criminally underrated little story that has my favourite repressed feelings + people dancing around each other + gothic vibes + "what the hell is wrong with y'all in this tale" combo that i really adore. it's really well written and captures the atmosphere so well.

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the so-called narrative by antimonyandthyme (@antimonyandthyme) oscar/carlos, 10k words, rated e

i'm once again asking why there are only 7 carlos/oscar works in the tag. I'M ONCE AGAIN ASKING-- *is sedated*. *jolts awake* okay but for real this is a great story. hot, fake-friendship-to-situationship which so happens is one of my favourite places to be. also hello miscommunication/they're so weird about it/they both want each other but can't express themselves for shit/insane racer boys energy.

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and silver, and samarium by pink_mink (@on-softs) george/toto, 5.2k words, rated e

i profess i am not usually the biggest fan of A/B/O (altho!! this fandom has made me go BUT ACTUALLY HM at least a few times). and this fic freaking nails it, along with the twisted power dynamics between TPs and drivers, as seen through the lens of omegaverse. this story rattles around my head like a stubborn ghoul just from the style and prose and sheer audacity alone. george kneeling at toto's knees while he's working..... ohhhhhhhhh i was this close to calling my lawyers.

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algorithm by anney (@badboy-george) charles/max, 16k words, rated e

i LOVE, LOOOOVE a sci fi concept alright. love that shit, will inhale it like moon dust with zero regrets. and what a fantastic one this one is!! the premise is that the FIA can now statistically show the compatibility of drivers on the grid and it's very pacific rim-y drift compatible, mixed with the surreal vibes of eternal sunshine or HER or some such. it should be outrageous, but it really works. that's the beauty of a great fic right there.

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trajectory of trojan asteroids by redpaint (@redpaint) nico/lewis, 3.3k words, rated g

also one of the fics i first read when i hopped on board the f1 rpf train. the pain and poignancy just gets worse the more i learn about brocedes. you know when you're like "there's no way this was reallll" and then you're like "fuck, it was so real". then you get a fic like this that just encapsulates all that rage and loss and grief and upset, set against the starry vista of endless space. *clutches tablecloth* god.

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p.s please bear in mind that these recs are entirely subjective! i enjoy loads of f1 stories but these are the ones that have especially stuck with me for some inexplicable reason.

p.p.s if your fic is on here and you want it taken off for whatever reason, i'm happy to, no questions asked 💛

BYE for now / until part 2. (i also love talking to ppl about fics so pls feel free to send an ask or hit me up in DMs or whatever.)

xoxo, -- wizz

[pleaseeeimjustagirl]

Becoming That Girl In School

♡ Time management is key! For academic success. Most of us are taking 4-6 classes in total and that is a lot especially when you have assignments, tests, and projects. You need to manage your time so you don't feel overwhelmed. An app that I personally use to create my schedule is structured I've spoken about this app before in many different posts. I have the pro version I recommend purchasing the pro version because you get more tools to help you plan out your schedule. 

♡ Organization. I use my MacBook for note-taking in my classes so I have individual folders for every class. If you use notebooks or a binder organize it so you can keep up with every assignment that is due. To make it more fun get colored notebooks, highlighters, colored pens, and stickers. 

♡ Limit procrastination. Do not wait until the night before to get started on an assignment I used to do this a lot and it caused a lot of stress. Now I have implemented work blocks I select two days out of the week where I sit and do homework for 3 hours. During this time I put my phone on Do Not Disturb, I let my family know I'm busy, and I’ll usually have a YouTube video playing to keep me interested. This has helped me complete all homework assignments so im not doing homework every day and reduce stress.

♡ Studying and tutoring. If you know you are struggling with a certain topic study or go to tutoring. Especially if your school offers free tutoring you should take advantage of that. I struggle with math and this semester I am taking a math class. I started tutoring recently and it has been such a good tool I got help on my homework and I gained more knowledge. If you have a friend who is good at a certain subject become study buddies. To romanticize studying go to a cute cafe, grab a coffee or pastry, sit, and study.

♡ Get a good amount of sleep. No more late nights when you know you have class at 8 am! Our brains need sleep make sure you are sleeping at night when you learn to manage your time you will be able to find time for the fun things you want to do during the day so at night you're not up trying to make up for lost time. Sleep is super important when you are well-rested you can focus in class. I have a bedtime some nights it is different depending on my class schedule but I try to at least get 6 hours of sleep a night.

♡ Reset day. Find a day during the week when you can reset. During this day you will not work on any assignments you will focus on self-care. Sleeping if you need to rest, going to get a facial or doing one at home, binge-watching your favorite show. Make this day all about you and what you want. That day for me is Sunday I love Sundays I have no classes or work so I can stay home resting and pampering myself when Tuesday comes I am ready for my school week to start.

These are a few tips that have been making this semester so much easier for me<3 We are almost close to 300 followers we literally just hit 200!!! Thank you to everyone who has been supporting my blog and welcome to my new girliesss! Comment or click the “lets chat babes” button to submit any topics you want me to discuss or any advice you might need loveee you girliessss muah <3 

[spider-with-a-pencil]

I've been wanting to talk quite a bit about my AU's world building for a while, so I'll probably be making a couple of post where I talk about those ideas for the coming time.

Soo... yeah. I wanna start out with a little idea that's been stuck in my head for a (long) while now about berries and seeds. I've had this idea of certain seeds coming from certain berries. Like blast seeds coming from Tomato berries for example. (That and i just find it fun to come up with an in-universe explanation for how berries work) -^

This will be the first part of my berry field guide, containing medicinal berries. Also enjoy a little prologue I came up with ^

Feel free to use this as inspiration or to use it in any projects of your own! I'd love to see people use my work!

Drug Warning: while this post does not directly contain drug usage, it might sometimes imply or hint towards it. There are also a lot of mentions about medicinal applications of berries and seeds, so the line between them might be blurry. If you are easily put of by it, then I do not recommend this.

Amp crawled up the stairs, into the musky, dimly lit room. A study room by the looks of it.

He walked up to the blinds and opened them to let the sunlight flow in through the tall windows.

He searched throughout the room.

A desk, a big central table, a bookshelf contain various books, even a big map on the wall, yet no signs of a sleeping quarters.

It must probably be the floor above.

Though, he couldn't shake off a sense of curiosity. "They wouldn't mind if looked a bit around this room, right?". "To familiarize myself" he told himself.

He walked up to the map, the landmasses seemed familiar, yet different in a way. There was a name on it: Tide Buizel Shoredelver.

"Is that how they name themselves, with the species as the middle name?"

He pushed away the thought when the bookshelf caught his attention once more.

He carefully climbed up the bookshelf to inspect the books.

It contained sever books ranging from newly pressed to well worn. One named "Time Travel & Multiverse Theory" looked to have a thick layer of dust on it.

One peeked his interest however: "Berry Field Guide, Recognition & applications for common berries".

He grabbed it with a string shot and lowered it onto the ground, where he proceeded to open it.

The Berry Field Guide

Part One: Medicinal berries

The Oran berry:

Appearance: The color ranges from light to dark blue, with small dimples speckled across it. The darkness usually depicts the ripeness It is rather round in shape.

Texture and flavor: Its soft and fluffy in texture, the riper it is, the softer it is. It has a balanced flavor, though riper berries tend more towards the sweeter side. It's seeds are mostly flavorless.

Applications: The berry itself has some medicinal properties. It boosts cellular growth, which accelerates tissue growth and regeneration, whilst also serving as a mild analgesic, numbing the pain of any received injuries. While ingestion does work, the best way to extract its medicinal effects is to turn it into a balm and apply it directly onto the wound.

While most of it's seeds are plain, there is a rare chance one might contain a especially nutritious seed. This variation has similar medicinal effects as the Oran berry, though due to it's higher nutrient density, it is far more potent than the berry.

Besides it's usual analgesic effects, it also invokes sense of euphoria and/or mellowness, thus giving it the nickname "joy seed". For these reasons, it is highly sought after by doctors and healers alike.

Because of the balanced taste and medicinal properties the Oran berry has, it has become a popular snack or cooking ingredient for many Pokemon.

Side effects and harmful properties: The berries themself have not shown to cause any harmful side effects, even in excessive amounts. However, there is a rare chance for an Oran berry to contain a harmful mutation. This mutation can cause painful blisters to appear on the skin and around wounds. It is speculated that it is caused by incomplete cell replication. However, due to the mutation's rare nature, there have not been many studies on this topic yet.

Due to the euphoric response that Joy seeds cause, frequent use of them can lead to addiction. For these reasons it is often outlawed to further extract or distill Joy seed outside of medicinal applications in most areas.

The special seeds from a mutated Oran berry are also affected by the mutation. While there have only been a few recorded instances of a pokemon ingesting a mutated Joy seed, all patients had developed a severe rash and inflammation around the wounds. Reasons for these symptoms are still unknown.

The Pecha berry:

Appearance: It is a deep pink fading more towards light pink near the bottom, with white patches dotted across it. The deeper the pink is, the riper the berry. It is shaped like a hart.

Texture and flavor: It has a rather hard, but smooth texture, though it softens near the end of ripening. It has a sweet taste, however it's seed taste awfully bitter. It's leaves create a sweet fragrance when damaged.

Applications: The Pecha berry is already a very potent anti-toxin by itself, being able to cure most poisons by ingestion. It's potency can be further improved by extracting the berry in hot water and distilling the extraction further. This extraction can then be processed in supplements or taken directly.

The seed, most commonly known as a "heal seed", contains many kinds of vitamins and immune boosters, which helps against most afflictions. Due to it's broad healing capabilities, it is used as a base in most medicine.

Pecha leaves are often extracted together with the berry, creating a soothing Pecha tea. Pecha tea is well liked beverage by most Pokemon due to it's sweet flavor and it's mild healing properties. It's often given to those who are sick, as an simple remedy.

Side effects and harmful properties: There have not been any recorded harmful side effects on the use of Pecha berries and heal seeds, however excessive use might lead to a natural tolerance towards them. Continuous use for extended periods is therefore disincentivized.

The Sitrus Berry:

Appearance: Bright yellow in color and is covered in small dimples. The yellow color deepens when ripe. The berry has a round base with a conical extrusion at the bottom.

Texture and flavor: it has a rather balanced taste, though it leans more towards the sour side. It's inner texture resembles that of an Oran berry. It's seeds taste slightly dry. The seeds taste rather plain.

Applications: It is believed that the sitrus berry was originally a mutation of the Oran berry that has been selectively bred to increase it's regenerative properties, as it inhabits every similar properties as Oran berries. It possesses the same regenerative effects, though they are far stronger and leave long lasting health benefits, as do the seeds.

It is still not fully understood exactly what in the seed causes these benefits. However, it has been proven that they help slowdown the rate at which cells degrade upon replication, in turn increasing one's longevity. This has earned it the name "Life seed". These seeds can often be found as the main ingredient for vitamins that increase ones longevity.

Much like the Oran berry, there is a rare chance that a Sitrus berry can contain an extra potent seed. These seeds contain exorbitant amounts of nutrients. It is seen as a wonder medicine by most, having enough nutrients to instantly get any pokemon back on their feet. It's intense smell alone is enough to wake most unconscious pokemon. For these reasons this variation has been called the "Reviver seed". However, due to it's scarcity, it is usually reserved for life or death scenarios where traditional medicine would not be effective. Due to it's instantaneous effect, it is a popular item under explorers and bounty hunters alike.

Side effects and harmful properties: Sitrus berries have a similar mutation to Oran berries, showing the same symptoms as its Oran counterpart.

However, the mutation effects the seeds somewhat differently. The regular seeds seem to lose their regenerative properties, but have no immediate side effects. Long lasting side effects are still unknown.

There has been one recorded case of someone ingesting a mutated reviver seed. Surprisingly, it seemed that the mutation has increased the seed's potency even further, as the patient immediately woke up upon ingestion. Unfortunately, the amount of nutrients in the seed had reached toxic levels, knocking out the patient shortly after he woke up. The patient reportedly felt very hysterical.

The Cheri Berry

Appearance: It's color ranges from orange to red, the redness depicting it's ripeness. It is round and rather small in size.

Texture and flavor: While the pulp of the Cheri berry is rather tough, it becomes softer when it is cooked. The berry has a very savory taste, while the seed taste rather dry. Its seeds are a mix of savory and sweet.

Applications: Cheri berries contain proteins that help with restoring damaged muscles and can cure many cases of paralysis. They are often processed into creams to help against muscle aches and cramps.

The seeds are packed with many kinds of proteins that help with blood flow, muscle growth and increases metabolism. They are often used by move-tutors and dojo trainers to aid their trainees with work outs and learning moves. It is often refereed to as a "Trainer" seed for these reasons.

Cheri berries have become a popular meat replacement due to their savoury flavor and high protein value. For these reasons it can be found in all kinds of recipes. Cheri berries can also be dried without losing most of their beneficial effects. This makes it easy to store for long periods of time without spoiling, ideal for long distance travels. It is usually stored in the form of vitamins or whole dried, though these are usually very tough in texture.

Side effects and harmful properties: Cheri berries can inhabit a rather common, but harmful mutation. The mutation only effects the seeds. Seeds with this mutation causes muscles to seize up, which can lead to cramps and temporary paralysis. However, this can easily be cured by consuming the Cheri berry itself.

The Rawst Berry

Appearance: It ranges from light blue to cyan. It is covered in small dimples, which contain the seeds. The berry is thinker near its calyx and tapers off near the bottom.

Texture and flavor: The inside is rather soft and fluffy. It has a refreshing taste. The leaves of the calyx taste minty, as do its seeds.

Applications: The Rawst berry significantly cools the body down upon ingestion. It does this by releasing certain chemicals that promote body heat dissipation. It is often used to help against hyperthermia or inflections caused by intense heat.

The seeds release dopamine upon ingestion, helping the user stay focused and alert, even in the face of danger. For these reasons that they commonly refereed to as "Focus" seeds. However, the seeds on a single Rawst berry are not enough to cause any noticeable effect. Therefor, the seeds from multiple berries are usually packed together.

Exposing the seeds to the open air causes them to slowly undergo an endothermic reaction. For this reason, ground up Rawst seeds are often mixed with the calyx and ground into a cooling balm to help cool any burns one might have sustained.

Due to their minty flavor and cooling properties of the Rawst berry, seeds and calyx, it is often used in deserts and cold drinks. Grounded Rawst seeds can also be used to create vitamins that help increase focus and mental fortitude.

Side effects and harmful properties: Due to the endothermic reaction caused by the seeds, it is not advised to ingest multiple Rawst seeds portions in quick succession. This may lead to internal cooling of the stomach, which can lead to cramps and stomach aches and in sever cases, internal freezing.

The Aspear Berry

Appearance: It is colored a bright yellow and is covered in ring-like patterns similar to that of a Liepard. The color of these rings can range from turquoise to dark green. The greener the rings are, the riper the berry is. It is somewhat egg shaped.

Texture and flavor: It ranges from sweet to sour and somewhat bitter and it slightly burns in your throat upon ingestion. The sour- and bitterness increases with ripeness. The berry starts out rather hard but becomes significantly softer near the end of its ripening. Its seed is dry.

Applications: Unlike most berries, Aspear berries start fermenting as soon as they start growing. It is still unsure why these berries do this, but it seems to be part of its ripening process. The fermentation process turns sugars supplied by the plant into acids and alcohol, thus giving it's distinct flavor.

A Aspear berry usually contains about 4 to 5% alcohol near the end of its ripening, after which it is dropped by the plant, or it begins to spoil. When the berries are detached from the plant, sugars are no longer supplied and the fermentation slowly stops.

The alcohol in the berry causes the body to expand it's blood vessels. Together with other chemicals in the berry that promote metabolism and hart rate, it results in the body flaring up for a short period of time. This can help against immediate cold and freezing, making it a good remedy for hypothermia and frostbite.

The seeds within the Aspear berry contains chemicals that triggers the user fight or flight response, which turns the users moves for more violent and stronger than they would normally be capable of. These violent outbursts have earned the seed the name of "violent" seed.

Because of the Aspear berry's natural tendency to ferment, it makes it a excellent starter for most alcohols and popular ingredient amongst brewers. The natural alcohol in the berry also makes it easy to turn it's juice into cider, as well as disinfectant if purified or distilled.

Side effects and harmful properties: Because the berry contains slight amounts of alcohol, it also comes with its side effects, such as disorientation, nausea and increased hart rate. It is disincentivized to use Aspear berries when in a persisting cold climate, as the body will undergo rapid cooling after the heatwave wears of.

When someone if under the influence of a violent seed, it is disincentivized to agitate them. They are more likely to respond irrationally and are more likely to lash out. Frequent use of violent seeds might lead to addiction.

The Hopo Berry

Appearance: Its color ranges from a pale to bright yellow. The yellowness indicates the ripeness. The berry has a layered structure, it somewhat resembles layered scales.

Texture and flavor: The hopo berry is rather bitter and dry but releases many interesting flavors when cooked. Its texture is rather hard and tough. The seed numbs the tongue and cheek when eaten, so the taste is hard to perceive.

Applications: Hopo berries are often used as sleeping aid, as it has sedative properties. On top of that, it has also been proven to have anti-inflammatory effect as well as help stabilize the immune system. It is often used to help against insomnia and is believed by some to aid with longevity.

Hopo seeds, or more commonly knows as "sleep" seeds, are far more potent sedatives than the berry it self, having enough potency to bring nearly any pokemon into a state of narcosis. They are often given to patients before undergoing surgery.

Besides their medicinal application, hopo berries are often used in the creation of alcohol as a preservative and flavoring agent. This gives it a very distinct flavor and bitterness. They can also be used while cooking to add those same flavors to a dish.

Side effects and harmful properties: Over consumption of the berry might lead to breathing problems and drowsiness. Consuming multiple Hopo seeds at once can lead to permanent health issues and can be fatal in high enough doses.

[tamelee]

Hi Tamelee!

I was wondering if you could give me some tips/advice about color theory (in art/illustration specifically)?

Anyway, hope you’re doing alright! ( how’s life post uni if that’s not too intrusive?)

With luv <3

Hi @bruitdevague !!

No problem! ^^ I mean, with AI and all, things have changed a lot since my previous plans fell away. It's a bit stressful to say the least... But I don't want to stop drawing, and I really want to dive deep into storytelling (I also can't wait to share my SNS stories with all of you 💕) so, we'll see!

And yeah, sure!

Color theory is a massive subject though, is there anything in particular you want to know more about? For me personally, I think the best thing you can do is to simplify your learning process. I've ignored color theory for a long time because I found it complicated and overwhelming and always just thought I'd wing it. The main reason being that color is relative: it changes depending on the impact different interactions have with the subject: material, color temperature, transmissions, reflections, etc. And my brain can't really handle "well, it depends" when it comes to learning new things. But the result is obvious; I think some of you may be able to see at which point I finally started to learn it a bit on my own journey. ><

Of course, you’re completely free to use whichever colors you want and experiment to develop your own style regardless of theory, but understanding how colors interact is helpful, and in some cases, crucial. Some things are just more visually appealing together and more effective to suit the mood you're going for. (Look for complementary color theory, here's a helpful tool.)

I think, above anything else, the best thing you could do is start learning how to cell-shade until it becomes easier. (It's the art/shading you see in anime, webtoons, and comics.) This also helps you with forms and shapes.

Open a document, add a screenshot, and take your color picker to study the color wheel and take notes on saturation, hue changes, and light. 

I've done this many times until things just started to 'click' in a way. But take your time, it can take a while. For some this also might be overwhelming, in which case I recommend doing this while studying the theory together.

When it becomes easier and you want to take it a step further, then look at the famous ball that explains other lighting:

And honestly, also take your time with this.

Take any term, learn what it means and implement it one by one until it starts to make sense.

One thing I'd certainly learn first, or which one has been the most helpful for me is learning about color temperature. Since color is relative, shadows/highlights can become cooler or warmer (it's the shift in hues), which is a much more efficient way to look at it than determining whether something is just darker or not. When I started, I learned greyscale values at first, and although it helped me a lot regarding readability, it never taught me any of this, setting me back for a while. If you want to learn more about the theory itself, I'd recommend: "Color and Light" by James Gurney, and follow along while reading with a document to experiment. Or watch YouTube tutorials for free, but definitely scribble along while you do so! I think, even if you watch YouTube tutorials, it's important to have some kind of goal, or steps you want to take, otherwise you'll drown in all the information. So, this is what I'd recommend:

Cell shading (like in anime, webtoons or comics)

Learn about color temperature and experiment with casual scribbling.

Study the relevant terms which you see in the circle (sometimes they have slightly different names though. "occlusion shadow" can also be referred to as "ambient occlusion")

Implement them one by one into your art/illustrations if you want. Maybe just add highlights at first, then maybe consider focusing on the terminator if you're interested.

Practice a lot and whenever you find something you like, use the color picker to see what happens to the colors. You don't have to copy it, but you can copy the changes within your color wheel and see what happens!

Like I said, it's an incredibly large subject, but I hope this can at least give you some direction ^^💕

[insecateur]

do you have any tips on where and/or how to make blinkies? i want to learn how to make them but don't know how. have a good day btw :3

hiiii i will do my best to give tips!! o7

first of all if you want to get a feel for blinkie making without diving in directly i recommend using a site like blinkies.cafe which lets you just add text to premade blinkie templates! i think it's a good way to get an eye for the blinkies "aesthetic" especially regarding the actual blinking part, the borders, all of that. and ofc the size (which for the record is traditionally 150x20px!)

if you want to actually get into Real Custom-Made Blinkies, studying ones you like up close is a great idea because it'll help you see what works and what doesn't. obviously everyone will have different design sensibilities, but that's why it's always good to take inspiration from things that you personally like!

here are things that i like, as an example:

dotted/dashed borders that blink between two colors

shadows

outlines

pixel art

keep in mind that blinking can be upsetting to the eyes for some people! i always try to not overdo it, but at the same time, they are blinkies, so it seems kind of like a waste when they don't blink at all...

traditionally, blinkies include two things: a picture, and text. they don't always! sometimes there's only a picture, and sometimes there's only text. for example, this blinkie i made of lysandre only has his card art and little hearts. this is once again going to depend on your preferences. but for the sake of explaining, let's say you want one or two simple pictures, and some text.

i find pokémon to be a pretty easy thing to make blinkies for, because you have a large panel of pixel art to choose from! for example, i made this blinkie for my blog using one of the mini scyther sprites. a lot of them are animated, too, which is fun. i can't really advise you on what program to use for animated stuff because i use really old ones LMAO but i've always had a good time using ezgif! you can just feed it your frames and use the website to put them together into an animation.

the text imo is the trickiest part. the blinkies you find on blinkies.cafe use pixelated fonts, but i've had a really hard time using them outside of that context. it's hard to get them to look good imo, especially at the small scale that blinkies end up at... so what i've been doing is making my own little pixel art alphabet. it's very fun for me and i don't think it's as difficult as it sounds, so i definitely recommend it because it gives you a lot more flexibility imo. i handdrew the text for all of my PSS blinkies, as well as the aforementioned scyther one, and this trans rights one. i actually have the trans rights and PSS alphabets completed and saved in a file for later use in case i need them, lmao:

you can see what the process is like: i make a rectangle, draw one letter, and then copy the rectangle to draw the other ones at the same size and in the same style. it's very, um, vibe-based, i guess? you just have to figure out what looks good for your Vision. but i find it super fun... so it's easy for me to do, i guess...

if you want to see the scyther blinkies text closer up, here it is at 500% size:

uncapitalized letters are more difficult than capitalized letters imo, but i think i did an ok job! maybe i'll make a full alphabet for that one too at some point, lmao. for the "tumblr" text i just copied the style of the logo (hopefully that comes through...)

i'm not sure what else to say, so feel free to ask more specific questions if you'd like! i think a lot of the other stuff is more general art/graphics advice, like color theory and the likes, which i'm not sure is worth going over LOL. but as a parting note, i'd definitely suggest not going overboard on the color palette. blinkies are pretty small at their default size, and too many colors will make them really hard to look at, let alone understand. in general, keep in mind the final size when working on something like blinkies, and make sure to zoom out periodically to double check you've got something readable!

and don't forget to have fun 👍👍👍

[artbytesslyn]

Hey, Tess! How you doing? I've been meaning to send this for a while now, but never found the moment to. Well, figured out today is as good time as any. I just wanted to say that I really love your comic. I first read it in 2022 and in that day I had to study for my upcoming college entrance exam but was procrastinating a little so I said to myself: "Okay, I'll read it during breakfast and then I'll start studying", and, well, what can I say is that I didn't study that day lol. I just couldn't stop reading it, it was so good! So different from most things I've read before. The story is so compelling, intriguing and well written. I found all the characters so fascinating! It makes me want to, I don't know, desiccate them so I get to understand all aspects of them. The dynamics between them is marvelous. I'm literally obsessed with the dialogue between Grace and Maryann in Basolateral Nucleus. Like, really, I read it multiple times and it lives rent free in my mind, it’s all so well made. And since I’m talking about Maryann, I have to say: what an amazing character you created! I really love all your characters, but Anna really got to me. When she first appeared I was just like “what an asshole lol” but now she really intrigues me. Why did she become the way she is now? What are her intentions? (why does she treat Arya so badly? 😭). Your art is amazing! I don’t understand much, so I can’t say in technical terms, but I love the way you use colors. The composition is something else, I love the way it tells us so much without the characters having to say it. Well, in short: your comic is one of the best I’ve read and I’ve read a lot. I’m so happy to have found it! I wish you all the best 💕

(ps: I hope this is comprehensible, english is not my first language)

Awh!!!! This is very sweet!! I'm really glad you're enjoying the story thus far and that you like the parts I really liked making!

Sidebar but I am tickled by how many people love Maryann. She was the most hated character when FTS first released and she's been confusing people ever since

[heartfullofleeches]

Anamnesis

Infected Yandere + Reader + Yandere Deity [G.N All]

Summary: “How are you feeling today?” They can't remember the last time they knew.

Warning: Mentions of Death, Dereality

Word Count: 1.2k

How are you feeling today?

The wellness board hangs centerpiece on the wall – a yellow card in each slot of the week; red, hairline fractures splintering the teeth of the smiling suns printed to image. Red Blue. Gray. Emotions tucked neatly into a holder on the wall. Vision distorted, the beginning colors bleed into one. 

A picturesque life crowds the remaining space; a few stragglers  cascaded to the floor, but enough left to tell a tale. Eyes shy from their reflection. The nurturement of a positive adolescence guides the object of each photo into a stable adulthood. Framed smiles, familiar embraces, and little bumps along the way display their prized memories. Memories now housed by stained floorboards long with shattered dreams and bone. 

Did you know they were studying to be a doctor?

“Two on sight…. Eleven in total.”

Feeling- When was the last time they felt something? The blood on their hands has run cold, yet it’s still the same temperature as when it was warm. Guilt pounds at the door of their mind, but there isn’t anyone to answer. Gazing down at what they've taken, it's best that way. The eyes that stare back tell them as much - and yet they still mock. 

Are you sure there shouldn't be a zero at the end of that number? 

“Shut up. I’m not in the mood to deal with you.” 

A laugh. Phantom’s touch chills their skin.

“Carrier, by now you should know that by acknowledging my presence, you’ve agreed to allow me to stay for a while. Let's talk. Get to know each other.” 

The voice comes from within their own mind. Its outline dances on the edge of their field of view; gone – not matter what angle they took. It was more  a blessing rather than curse when its silhouette eluded their sight. The less they saw, the less they knew which meant the more of themself they had to regain. 

Carrier- Is that who they are today? They’ve been worse. Family, friend - nobody. 

The trembling of their hand steels to an iron grip around their weapon. Torn flesh births its blade from a deep wound in the neck of the corpse below them. The body clings to its death bringer, but falls limp as its ripped away. Their eyes point up to the ceiling; two violet drops in a crimson sea. A shame their true color would be lost to time. Carrier reaches towards their eyelids. 

“wait.” 

They freeze. 

“Stick your finger in.” 

They obey. Against any reason they had left, Carrier pushes their fingers into the open eye. It's wet, covered with a slimy film. Pinching their fingertips together, they pull something free; purple enveloping the pad of their thumb. 

It's a contact. 

This time, there's a dull sting when the laughter returns. 

“Poor thing.. Just wanted to dress to impress and got killed for it. Then again, it's what they deserve for trying to impress the one you love, isn’t it?”

“Don’t mention them.” They want to scream. “Don't make me remember.” 

It's so hard to think, it's hard to remember when there’s a parasite toying with your brain. Latching on to, and rewriting your memories until it’s a ghost of your past and all that is your future. The only thing that eases the pain is having little to look back on to begin with. 

“You have to be the most selfish Carrier I've ever had. Others would have spread my name by now to know peace. Do they really mean that much to you?” 

Be quiet. Carrier flees the bloody room as breezily as taking a night stroke. Every alternating step, their footfalls echo by another. 

“Though your silence reads many tales, I already know how special they are. I've seen your memories afterall, most anyway. They’re probably the only thing keeping you alive given your history. What beautiful laughter….”

Carrier shoves the emerging memory to the back of their mind; beating it into submission every time it crawls back. Seriously, did this thing never shut up? They descend the approaching stars; tail rattling with the vibrations that stem all the way from their pocket. Without even thinking, they pulled their phone from their pocket and hastily swept at the familiar ringtone, prints foreign to censor. You'd probably scold them for not getting their screen repaired by now. They’d promise you they would get it done by last week. You probably remembered the promise better than they did. You'd… probably hate them for what they've done. Who they've become. Shit… 

“Hello?”

Their phone tumbles down the steps. When.. When had they answered the phone? The voice on the other end reaches them from the bottom floor. Your voice calls out to them; laced with worry, just like it had been when they were sprawled out on the ground after a run in with a flying sports ball. The nurse said they were differently concussed, but with an attentive partner like you they would be fine. You didn't even know each other's name. It was a good laugh.

Stop. 

The emotions hit them like a truck. A nausea worse than the one given to them after getting food poisoning at a fair. How could they ever hold your hand like that again when they’re covered in so much blood?

“Carrier.. You shouldn't keep them waiting~” 

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

That voice is so irritating. Just like every other voice they've ever heard, except one. The parasite has been with them their entire life, though it feels like mere months. Spreading, consuming every god damn memory they had until it was all they had left. A starving infection created from a being once worshipped by many; now forgotten and grasping for any hold on their reality by ridding its prey of all thoughts but itself. It had told them as such, considering they'd be together for a long time. The voice at the bottom of the steps would make sure of it.

“Hello?” 

There was one thing keeping them from the edge. A persisting presence that stopped them from losing their mind or rotting from the inside out like so many others before them. Soul cleansing. Irreplaceable warmth. And most important- unaware of the deity in their head. 

“Y/n?..  Is that you?… I'm here… Please.. say my name.”

“Erys?”

They sink to the floor, whole at last. Erys wipes their face. “Yeah.. it's me..”

Your voice crackles over the speaker. “I would hope so, considering its your phone and all. Anyway, the person I met at the party last week bailed on me. I was hoping to introduce you to them since you have similar contacts. Wanna hang out?”

Hatred has never felt so flourishing. The disgust they felt for the person upstairs only brewed more love for you. Their unjust sins roll down their spine with twisted righteous What was done, was done.  Innocent blood may have been spilled, but who’s to say it wouldn’t become one day tainted. 

“You're a terrible human being.”

The voice is barely above a whisper. 

“You'll never have them. Someday, by slip of tongue you will mention me, and I will take them, and make them immortal.”

The warning nails deep, but the weight upon their shoulders finally dies. From the living room, a tiny whimper can be heard; weak pounds against the back door. Erys quietly steps into the room. Their pleading, violet eyes won't trick anyone. 

“I'll never let you take them from me…”

How are you feeling today?

A sunny week the whole way through. 

[plushie-lovey]

Do you have any advice on going through and deciding which plushies to keep and which to give away? I have a large collection from my childhood I need to go through and it seems so daunting !

Absolutely! I've got a few tips to give, but it's gonna require a long explanation, so I'm throwing it under a read more. Hope this advice is helpful!!

Firstly you need to consider how much space you have, and determin what you want your collection to be like. Do you only want stuffies of a certain color, or only want to keep specific species? What size plush works best with the space you have? Any brands you don't care for anymore? Are you only looking to keep plushies you'll actually touch and play with? Once you've sorted thru all those factors, you can move on to the next step.

Take a look at what you have in your collection. Don't just take a quick glance either, really study the plushies as you go thru them. Think to yourself, as you look at each; "Do they spark joy? When I look at them, is it as if I'm seeing them for the first time all over again? Would I be sad to not have this stuffed animal anymore?" Once you've considered all the points above, it should make it easier to pick and choose what plushies to keep. Take your time with this process as well, especially since you said you have a large amount of plush. You might get burnt out easily on decision making if you try to go thru them all in one sitting.

If you're struggling with choosing tho (like I have been) then it's time to take up a new perspective. Imagine that all of your stuffed animals were destroyed in a fire. Think about which plushies you'd be most devastated to lose, and which you wouldn't really care about being gone. The ones you'd miss the most are keepers, the rest can be sent off to new homes.

If you have a hard time visualizing this, then putting the plushies you're on the fence about away for a while is a great way to help with a final decision. (I'd suggest storing them for a month or more). Make sure its somewhere you can't see them or easily get to them. That way, you can determine the importance of the plushie's presence in your space. If you're often thinking about certain stuffed animals, even when you can't see or touch them, that's a sign you still have enough of a connection to keep them. It's ok to think about many plushies while they're hidden away. It's also alright to not think about any at all. Eventually you should take those plushies out and go thru the pile again. When you look at them, if it feels like it didn't matter that they weren't around anymore, then you can let them go.

Hoping all of this makes sense. Please feel free to send more asks for better explanations or clarifications tho! Happy plushie sorting, and good luck!!

[bunnybananasims]

Introducing to you the latest planner for all of you creative Simmers: The Unofficial Sims Planner 2024!

This is what I've been working on for the past weeks, besides being busy with real life & work 😁

Are you looking for that Sims planner that's right for all your Sims content creation and gameplay, that caters to all Sims games?

You have come to the right place!

The Unofficial Sims Planner 2024 is a printable and fillable digital journal where you can easily document all your important ideas & goals, and your Sims saves' details & gameplay. This one was heavily inspired by The Sims 3, but you can also use this for your Sims 2 or Sims 4 games.

The theme for the planner is COLOR. I see The Sims as this very bright colorful game that makes everyone happy and creative, whether with storytelling or building. Whenever the words Color or Colorful comes up, I always see the colorful and bright screenshots from The Sims community, both gameplay and builds. You all keep this game alive and make it always colorful.

This digital product is available on my small Etsy shop Bunny Banana Studio. Shop my planner now!

This is gonna be a long post, so keep reading to learn more about this planner 😄

This exciting 200+ page journal includes the following:

- Simmer profile with DLC, mods & custom content list sheets

- 2024 calendar & notes pages for your content creation planning & goals

- Household & individual Sims profile sheets to document their important details

- Sims calendars, where you can plan your households’ lives & track their activities, goals & accomplishments

- Sims household rotation sheets that are made simple to track your whole town / neighborhood

- NEW! More pages to document more Sims details

- NEW! Cleaner & bolder design, so everyone can be inspired with Sims gaming and content creation. More fun, less distracting design.

- NEW! Lot and career record sheets to keep track of your town’s needs and industries. We gotta keep the whole Sims economy and town afloat HAHA 😂 I, myself, love documenting my lots to see and know what my town still needs, and taking notes of the careers of my Sims population. I love them spread out to different industries to give my Sims more variety and co-workers LOL

You’ll get this instantly after purchasing, However, there will be no refunds due to this being a digital product. Please feel free to leave a review & rating, & share this to other Simmers looking for that digital planner catered to all Sims games.

---

Also, I wanna share that I'm doing this mostly for fundraising for the masters studies I wanna take late 2024, especially for the down payment that is due January. I was supposed to go this year, but because of financial difficulties, I deferred to next year. I really wanna earn enough money and prepare for this, as this has been my dream for a long time. I have no luck with finding a good-paying job for many months, so I thought of this venture. I love The Sims so much and I wanna work on something I'm passionate about and with something I'm knowledgeable and good at.

Thank you very much, and hope you'll consider helping me. If you can't buy my planner, that's OK. You can share/reblog this, or tip me on my Ko-fi or PayPal if you love my content. 😊

Thank you very much for making it this far and reading this. Hope you all have a happy holiday and a prosperous 2024! Keep on Simming!

Shop my Planner now!

[studioboner]

ur art iz soso cute and pretty!! do you have any tipz for when working with watercolor(or paint in general)?

Sure!

Dont bother buying expensive materials if youre just starting, cheap or intermediate stuff is more than enough to start off and decide if you really like it and want to continue. Plus some mro expensive materials are harder to use if you dont have practice. I would never recommend a natural hair brush for a begginer watercolorist Those videos about essentials skills to have, or most common mistakes made CAN help, dont let them limit how you experiment with watercolors though, there are no rules. Those are usually tips given to make it easier to do a technic the most common way. You're free to try different paths Aim for an in-between level of "too easy, i can do this" and "too hard thats not on my skill yet". You have to find a middle ground to do it because that's what help keep people interested. If you only paint the very easy watercolor tutorials you see, theres a chance you'll grow bored and tired of it as it has become "too easy". Doesnt have to be every time of course, but it helps alot to not grow bored. It'll take a while to get used to watercolors, even if you know of many technics, practicing them and knowing how they will turn out by experience is another story. Don't feel bad if something didnt go the way you expected, you can always try the oppossite next time and see how that goes.

Copy Master's works, this doesnt have to be just dead masters, living ones too! Copying is a genuine good way of studying. As long as you dont claim them to be yours and give them proper credit, it's not plagiarism. It doesn't hurt to ask though, specially if the artist you are going to be copying to learn is not a big name. In my experience though the artists i've asked if i could copy to study tehir work they had been flattered that i'd want to do that. Theres no need to ask for some big name tho just credit lol, like for example doing watercolor studies of studio ghibli's storyboards..... that's a good one btw! their storyboards are pretty and have GOOD colors but still are super simple! Usually just one layer of paint, minimal wet in wet shading or glazing.

Share Your Works, i know specially for begginers this one can be scary to do, but i promise you that the number of fellow begginers who will feel encouraged by you posting is a great number. And experienced artists who are GOOD people would never look down on a begginer. Rather than "man they cant draw lol" it'll be a sentiment of "i remember when my skills were a similar level! i hope this new artists has a fun time with art :D" Sharing your works and getting feedback and building a small community with other artists or even some fans is a massive encouragement ! [it's not everything of course but it's nice to be appreciated] Uh mind you, this step might take a long while. i've been posting art for nearly 10 years and it took me maybe 8 or so years of posting for something of mine to get more than 70 notes or so. [70 notes is already alot tho! wohhoo!

[aezuliamah]

Hi all ! I'm Aezu (any pronouns), and i've been practicing tarot and a few other types of card divination for around 3 years.

Now, i want to practice dice readings, as well as "runes" (a custom set of casting items largely inspired by a manga).

I have 3 different sets of dice :

Publishing Goblin's Oracle dice (2nd edition),

Les Dés D'Isis, by Joyce Duval and Béatrice Pubellier (i've developped my own set of meanings for this one, it consists of 3 astrological dice with Houses, Signs and Planets, as well as 4 colored and 22 sided dice that represent the tarot Major Arcana influenced by a different element each),

Oracle Dés de Sorcière, Secret d'étoiles ( 5 6-sided dice with well-known symbols, mostly of Wicca influence)

My custom runes are inspired by the manga Alice 19th by Yuu Watase, and the rune-like system of magic it uses.

There are 48 pieces in the set, 24 Lotis ("upright" meanings) and 24 Maaram ("reversed" meanings). The manga shows all 24 Lotis, but not all Maaram, so i've completed the set myself.

I also have a set of Elder Futhark runes, but i only use it as additional stones in readings of other sets.

Feel Free to ask questions if i've been unclear or if i forgot anything ! Or if you want to know more about my methods.

I'm OPEN to doing short free readings : simply ask a question, give me a way to remember who you are if anon (emoji combination / initials / pronouns...), and choose the method you would like me to use. I will cast up to 3 dice or runes.

A few rules for readings :

No yes / no questions (the methods i use can't answer those, i will rephrase into a question that allows nuance and details if you send me one)

No medical / legal advice (or anything that would require years of study and a diploma. you know, expert advice. this includes mental health.) General advice is ok.

No "mind-reading" or "spying" on someone, and No readings on someone else's behalf ex: "how are x's exams going to go?" (if you want to know what someone is thinking or doing, ask them directly)

No relationship advice / No NSFW or 18+ / No future spouse / No twin flame /No celebrities and the like (as an AroAce person i'm poorly equipped to do those and they make me uncomfortable) General love advice is ok.

Please refrain from asking many questions in a row, i'll do 1 question per ask. Let other people have their turn.

Please be patient, i may not be able to get to all questions in a timely manner. If you think your question got eaten or forgotten, wait a week or so before reminding me or sending another.

Please be Respectful, make sure you're following the rules, basic politeness is appreciated, and don't trauma-dump in my inbox.

I reserve the right to refuse to do a reading for any reason, even not listed here. (if i'm not comfortable or just don't want to answer a particular question, or if you're being rude, i might refuse. If this happens, i'll most likely let you send another ask.)

I also speak French if anyone would prefer that... / Je parle aussi Français si quelqu'un préfère...

Shoutout to @/aesethewitch and their Free Tarot Fridays for motivating me to start offering readings ! Go check them out !

Coming soon : Tarot / Lenormand / Cartomancy / Oracle card readings.

[wyvernwyrm]

People I'd like to get to know better

Thanks @mellowthorn for tagging me! I like doing tag games a lot although I often forget about them (T_T)

last song: Анастимоза - Звір (I highly recommend her! I found her through Stalker 2 bc her song Хризантеми plays on in-game radio and never stopped listening to her since! Her songs are really cool even if you don't know the lyrics)

favorite color: Orange!

last book: Golden Fool by Robin Hobb! Well, it's the last one I've finished because I immediately started Fool's Fate..

last movie: I haven't watched many movies this year. I think parkciv minecraft movie is the closest thing to a movie I've watched this year which is uhm... silly to say out loud

last TV show: DanDaDan! I've been watching it with my friends and I had a blast honestly this is a very interesting and refreshing story!

sweet/savory/spicy: spicy!

relationship status: single

last thing I searched: I googled the origins of a word "авіатроща" to see where it came from bc I heard it on news a few times lmao

current obsession: Minecraft I think! Also precious precious characters of my friend @detdomchik I love her children so much!

looking forward to: finishing my uni grind! I'm a bit tired of endless studying that steals my free time especially since I want to tend to several personal projects and I wanna have time to improve my art and try something new

favorite drink: tea I think!

song playing on a loop in your head 24/7: Will Wood's "When Somebody Needs You" is holding me by the neck please help me...

current favorite character: Beloved! THE character of all time..

fun activity you would like to get into: I want to try keeping a dream journal! I often have weird dreams and I'd like to keep track of them

last video game: Minecraft

last comic/graphic novel/manga: YASSS I WAITED FOR THIS literally yesterday I finished "I want to hold Aono-kun so much I could die" AND MAAAAAN IT CERTAINLY IS A RIIIDE (it's an ongoing series but I started it without knowing this and fell to my knees when I saw the status after the last chapter) I recommend it a lot although it has a lot of heavy topics but it's a deeply touching and interesting story

Tagging @teinaatren @hellionil aaaaand @detdomchik but there's absolutely no pressure involved!

[brighan]

Since I've seen some positive but confused reactions about my last portrait posts!

If you are wondering how I draw so fast, it's not something that I've learned to do naturally. I work very fast because I've been training consistenly for 3 years now!

I started doing freebies for patrons in July 2020. At first I required them to provide me screenshots or references I could *copy* and study from, but later on (October 2020), I decided it would be more fun for them to give me whatever character they'd like me to draw instead as a token of my appreciation, reference provided or not. Since my time and energy are limited, I set the rule that it had to take me one hour max, prioritizing "finished, not perfect" (but still caring about delivering a nice drawing). This not only supposed a challenge, but an exercise I compromised to do twice a month, that I would benefit from and I could apply to all my work.

Some months ago I felt confident enough to switch from portraits to half bodies, as I was afraid the portraits were getting too monotonous for long term supporters (which are the majority of my patrons ♡). The only thing I'm sacrificing is the color instead, as the new half bodies are black and white :)

3 years ago, one colored portrait took me an hour, sometimes an hour and a half. Now, an uncolored portrait takes me around 15 minutes (truth be told, I also use a custom CSP head I configured to see a visual reference of the desired angle way faster on the side, but studying anatomy helps tons when having a better 3D picture of what you're seeing)

You can watch ALL my videos in the playlist I've been compiling for these three years and see my improvement! (There's a few missing for those months I forgot to turn timelapse on or if I got too many spicy requests)

If you ever have any questions about this or any other thing, just please feel free to drop them on my inbox! ♡