#but i'm wondering because the answer is probably yes because i've seen humanizations of them as complete twinks

[bixels]

Genuine, genuine question. Does anyone consider Flim and Flam sexymen.

[pinkfadespirit]

Hey there and happy Friday! Would you fancy "You never should have left" for maybe (past?) Nanders? 👀

Thank you for the prompt! I started this one on the night I got it as a direct follow on from another prompt and now it's been a while and I can't remember how I intended to get from where I started to an actual answer to the prompt. (Though I think maybe the reason I stopped was because I didn't know then, either.)

I've got an idea for another prompt now, though, so I'm just going to post this one as it is, even though it's not technically finished.

For @dadrunkwriting

Nathaniel found somewhere private for them to talk, a quiet room where there was a fire going and reasonably comfortable chairs. He had the feeling this was going to take a while after all. He'd grabbed a bottle of wine on the way in, feeling certain he was going to need it for the conversation he was about to have.

The last time he'd seen Anders, he hadn't seemed like himself. He'd made jokes to ease the tension (and after running into so much trouble in the Deep Roads that the Champion of Kirkwall herself had needed to come to his rescue, there had definitely been a lot of tension) but there had been something off about it all the same. Now, Nathaniel was starting to think he understood what that might be. It wasn't just Justice, or this cause they'd taken upon themselves. It was how it weighed on them. Even then he'd known what he would have to do.

They'd parted without any real chance to catch up and Nathaniel had found himself wondering if he'd ever see him again.

He might not have, if not for the Commander. She was the one who insisted that he was still a Warden. The crimes of one's past were not important. He was one of them, still.

But Nathaniel wasn't sure Anders saw it that way.

Still, he'd allowed himself to be brought back here. Maybe they could figure out the rest.

They took their seats by the fire.  Nathaniel filled two goblets with the wine and pushed one across to Anders. He hesitated before picking it up, then cautiously took a sip.

"It's not the best, I know," Nathaniel said apologetically.

"Still, probably better than anything you'd get at the Hanged Man," Anders replied. "Not that I did much drinking there. Justice never approved. But... things haven't quite been the same since Kirkwall."

"Between you and Justice?"

Anders nodded. "He feels calmer somehow. Quieter."

"Is that... good? That he's quieter, I mean?"

"When all he could think about before was the suffering of the mages we hadn't yet managed to help, it's something of a relief. No matter what we accomplished, it always felt like we should be doing more. It was..."

"Unsustainable?"

"Probably, yes."

Nathaniel frowned. He hadn't thought about it like that. How it might be to combine a spirit's level of focus with the limits of a human mind. No wonder Anders looked so tired.

"It feels different now, though. Ever since we left. It makes me wonder if it was just Kirkwall. Sometimes it felt like... like the entire city was drenched in suffering. Endless. Inescapable. Like whatever remains of all the evil that was ever carried out there was crying out from the Fade. And Justice is much too well attuned to that sort of thing. I doubt it would ever let him rest. But now I couldn't go back if I wanted to."

"And now he's relieved?"

"Maybe."

"You don't know?"

"We don't really talk the way we used to. In a lot of ways, I miss him."

"So do I," murmured Nathaniel without thinking.

When Anders smirked at him a moment later, he looked almost like his old self.

[seth-whumps]

Sir. Ma'am. Uhh, sa'am. I really love your ocs, especially Morrigan, so I wanted to ask if it would be possible for them to get a computer virus.

I know they're very human-adjacent, so if they CAN get viruses, I'm wondering if it would present itself like a regular sickness? Fever, dizziness, increased heart rate, at cetera. Or would it do things like screw up their perception by making it impossible to tell who their friends are versus their enemies?

And most importantly: Would it make their voice crackle and mix with static?

So far we've mostly just seen them being hurt by outside forces, like the hypothermia and the internal bleeding. The closest thing I can think of to a "virus" that's happened would be the cuddle glitch. So I've been really intrigued by the idea of something internal harming them.

Asking because I've become utterly obsessed with Morri as a whumpee. Very excited for future content!!

Hello hello hello! This made me so happy to see. I'm so pleased you love them as much as I do :)

Okay, so I did one of my really super long incredibly complicated reference pieces about this. I apologize if that's not what you're looking for, so I'll give you the short answers too: yes, yes and yes!

unspeakably long answer? take a look under the cut :)

Alright. So. Let's talk.

As noted, Morrigan is not immune to malfunctions, whether that be human responses to allergens or personalized attacks. We've already talked about the organic sides of things, so let's get into computerized threats.

First, Morrigan is not totally immune to viruses. They have a natural firewall, but there are several systems that run in the background, where they can't directly affect anything--so some choices are made without their input. With enough talent, a handmade virus could easily infiltrate.

Things to note:

Creators of viruses or worms often use psychological or social engineering to make it more enticing for victims. Curious, as Morri's built to manipulate.

Motivations for viruses are often profit, sabotage, or political messages. Morrigan is useless for these, unless the goal is terrorism, or directly undercutting the company-not-yet-named (CNYN) who created them.

Common effects of viruses include physical damage, loss of data, or leaked/stolen information. Lots of things that would greatly affect one Morrigan White.

Now, the meat of the issue. Or the ask, per se.

Virus makeup

Most often, there are three parts to a computer virus. The infection vector (the thing that infiltrates a computer), the payload (the harmful code that replicates itself, re:biological virus), and the trigger (an "if-then" code that tells the payload to execute).

The infection vector exploits and manipulates security weaknesses. I bring this up, though a mite obvious, because I love the image of Morrigan being at their weakest (physically, systematically, or emotionally) and getting kicked while they're down by a virus.

The payload can be any code. We've mentioned by passing how complex Morrigan is, just in general. So any target is dangerous--emotional vulnerabilities can mean friendly fire, physical breaks can mean imminent shutdown. And on top of that, all of the systems are intrinsically linked. One goes down? Expect several more to follow.

The trigger can be anything. I'm not going to say much more on that. But it can be anything at all.

Infiltration

A significant roadblock is finding a way to infiltrate Morrigan in the first place. Email and text scams are almost elementary to scan and avoid, and USB or cord connections are almost impossible, since they're actively mobile. So here are a few possibilities to think on:

1. Pure manipulation

Morrigan, as stated, is trained in manipulation, so to truly get ahead of them, you'd probably have to convince them of danger. Particularly danger of JJ's wellbeing. Or if you could give them an illusion, and state they have no other good choice, you might be able to accept it.

2. Manhandling/forcing

In the same way one can inject another with a syringe, if you were to get close enough to Morrigan, you might be able to physically inject a virus. However, that would be fairly noticeable--unless you're particularly adept at this kind of infiltration, or they're particularly incapacitated at the moment.

3. Technology improvements

With Morrigan being the birth of a futuristic technological era, there's no doubt engineers could come up with more creative ways to infiltrate. They are, in many ways, nearly human--how close could a computerized virus get to a biological one, in the future?

Cures and removals

Before we get into the really fun part, we should talk about how to heal Morrigan from a computer virus.

Depending on the payload or the target, any number of systems could be damaged. The first step is to neutralize the virus itself. Oftentimes, this means directly changing Morrigan's code--this can be done from their charging terminal, or by plugging in through a physical port, such as a USB. This is not comfortable for Morrigan, who has shown great discomfort in their code being altered, especially without permission.

If the virus has caused significant damage, a technical repair is required. This means finding a technician from CNYN and an excuse for their damage. Unhelpfully, if significantly impaired, Morrigan is far more likely to fail at lying when inflicted. So the best option is to power them down, give a sufficient defense to a CNYN technician, and collect them later.

All this to say, damage done to Morrigan is significantly dangerous not just to everyone else's wellbeing, but also to their cover--this is not just about how well they can fight. This is about whether or not they will be fully dismantled.

And finally for this section--certain viruses may be too quick to act. If so, finding a stalling agent or a countervirus to postpone shutdown is necessary. This will also need to be removed, and is far less comfortable coming out than going in.

Effects

At last. The part we were waiting for.

There are several significant effects of any computer virus, depending on what it's targeting. Here are several things I've considered:

Memory loss

Their memory banks may be significantly protected. However, loss of memory is a horrible thing to Morrigan, who uses past experience and analysis to affect their actions in the moment. Plus, they are not prone to feeling safe and secure at any given moment. Lack of understanding would contribute to hostility.

Behavioral changes

Possibly my favorite: Morrigan is highly specialized, but is first and foremost a weapon. Glitches in behavior can go from simply forgetting to blink to shooting an ally point blank. Personalized viruses can turn them into anything--killing machine or spy for the enemy.

Physical damage

If a line of code is even slightly out of place in the system it's run in, damage could be severe. Symptoms may include overheating, loss of material skin, unnerving eye colors, whistling, larynx malfunction (yes! static, crackling and mechanical whines when they attempt to speak), loss of motor function, and so on.

Infiltration and spying

Something interesting to note is Morrigan is an incredible piece of technology that absolutely must be kept secret. CNYN is not a benign company. Other groups, such as the Cages or vigilante systems underground, would take any chance at getting eyes on the inside. Morrigan, unfortunately, is a wonderful tool.

Here is a list of several symptoms that could occur directly as a result of a computer virus:

Hallucinations

Raspy, mechanical breathing

Overheating/heatstroke

Fevers

Lack of motor control

Lack of fine motor control

Lack of blinking, smiling, or facial expression

Unnerving eye colors (things that may be striking on a human face)

Speaking a different language

Inability to tell friend from foe

Lashing out

Sudden onset of extreme emotions

Whispering/shouting instead of speaking

Visible plating beneath their artifical skin

Memory loss or forgetting who/where they are

Loss of balance

Vertigo

Migraines

Nosebleeds (though they would bleed the thick substance that makes up their components instead of human blood)

Strange small behaviors (sighing at the wrong times, hiccuping)

Zoning out entirely

Shutdown (state of complete lack of function)

Stasis (state of low level sleep)

Uncontrollable worry

And many, many more

Increased heart rate

Crying

Notes

I'm so sorry if this isn't what you were looking for, but you greatly inspired me. I love fleshing out their technology and I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did writing it.

Thank you for the ask!!!

[nothorses]

If you have the energy I’d like to hear you talk abt what you value in atheism as a belief system! (This is meant positively I’m just bad at Words, if the question puts you on the spot then no pressure to answer!)

Hello!! Yes!

I think "belief system" is maybe the wrong word- imo, a big part of what makes atheism what it is is that there isn't any kind of organization, there's no system, and the only "requirements" are... well, ultimately just that you call yourself an atheist.

I've seen a ton of different ways to define the word, and a ton of different people call themselves that- or something else- for different reasons; my point just being that it's a really diverse, really complex label, and ultimately I think it works about the same way queer identity labels do: you decide if it applies to you, and if you decide it does, then it does! There's nobody to tell you whether you're right or wrong about that; that's sort of the whole point.

I grew up atheist, and aside from a couple of edge cases I learned about in my 20's, my known extended family is entirely non-religious. I say "three generations of atheists" because I recall one great-grandma who had some angel-related paraphernalia and I don't really remember her deal about it, and because "atheist" is a close enough shorthand; some of my family would probably rather describe themselves as "agnostic", but their reasoning, when I've asked, is largely that they think "atheist" means "anti-theist".

I also say that because my experience in learning about religion has been... kind of unique. I live in an area that is 60% non-religious; I think a good amount of that is that people who grew up with some Christian influence in their life decided not to pursue it themselves. Still, it's not super common to talk about religion here, and religious influences- while they still very much exist- aren't really named for what they are.

What that means is, essentially, that I absorbed a lot of values and ideas as a kind that came completely detached from any reasoning. And I'm a painfully introspective (read: anxious) person; I spent a lot of time reflecting on those values from a very young age, and I was encouraged to do so, in many ways, by the adults around me.

I distinctly remember being about 10 years old, in a car with my mom and stepdad, and wondering about why people Did Good Things. Was it selfish- because it made them feel good? What motivation was there to be charitable and generous, if not for some kind of reward? I knew I wanted to do good, and I knew that part of that was internal satisfaction, but that didn't feel right as an answer. I decided later that this was a function of human nature, to help each other- and even if it was an evolutionary community-building thing, doing good was also a way of building a happy, sustainable life with full and healthy relationships.

I have never understood the "what is the purpose of life?" question- it's been pretty obvious to me from a young age that there isn't one, and there doesn't need to be. We weren't "put on the planet" in the first place. We're here because of a beautiful string of semi-random events, and we get to decide what to do with the opportunities and hardships that comes with.

When I was 12, I decided, on a walk home from school, that my "goal" in life was going to be to be the best person I possibly could. I have spent a lot of time since then working out what that really means; along the way, I realized that in order to do this, I also needed to be a happy person. I needed to heal and grow and live a sustainable life, and I needed to value myself and my inherent worth.

This is a lot of rambling to say, essentially: I think atheism means different things to different people, but I think the idea that it's some kind of void of experience and value is plainly ignorant and genuinely damaging.

This is just a snapshot of the ways in which I currently recognize atheism to have influenced my life, and there's a lot more I could touch on as well! But the idea that we choose what's important is core to a lot of atheism, I think; and there is a genuinely beautiful value system that follows from this.

I choose what's important to me, and others choose the same for themselves. I choose my goals and "purpose", and others do the same for themselves. In a lot of ways, that heterogeneity is part of what makes communities work: understanding and appreciating differences in value systems and worldviews means including more and more of what each individual has to offer.

None of this is exclusive or universal to atheism (and again, the label itself is pretty broad depending on who you talk to) but it's an example of the ideas that can follow from certain questions pretty inherent to the idea that there isn't a higher power.

[paytato435]

Chapter 14 - Off Beat

Mama Knows Best

“Why did you do that?” Sunshine growled after Casey had left the office. Completely dejected, shaken, and broken, Sunshine wasn't even sure he'd noticed she was there.

She should have said something, but she'd never seen Big Mama so scary before. She was strange for sure, and she knew the woman was keeping things from her, but this was too much.

He had been trying to help his brothers, and she destroyed his cloaking brooch for that?

It was wrong.

She also wondered why he had been disguised in the first place, but it was clear that what Mama did was just another way to torment him.

Mama drummed her fingers on her desk thoughtfully. “You don't really know someone until you hurt them,” she sighed. She turned to look at Sunshine. “It's my job to make sure everyone here knows their place, too. Love is ugly and hard.”

“You love him?” Sunshine asked, confused and concerned.

Mama rolled her eyes. “I'm saying this for you, foozle. I see how you get on.”

Sunshine felt her cheeks warm. “What?! That's not…” she didn't know what to say, honestly, but it didn't matter because Mama interupted her with her laughter.

“So sweet! I love it,” the woman sighed, resting her head in her hands. “I wish I could feel so young and reckless again.”

“Please stop being so mean to him,” Sunshine pressed again. “He was trying to help his family-”

“At the expense of this one!” Mama snapped. “We deserve better than that. You deserve better than that,” she emphasized. “Loyalty is everything. I can't afford to have anyone's attention divided.”

Sunshine wasn't sure what to say to that, so she nodded nervously.

Mama gave the musk a thoughtful look. “He's a little misguided, if you hadn't noticed. Thinking he can play around with humans.”

“What do you mean?” Sunshine asked, confused.

“They're dangerous!” Mama explained. “They've hunted yokai for thousands of years! There is a reason we stay hidden from them. Do you not remember?”

Sunshine shook her head.

“They're dangerous, murderous creatures. His brothers and their… father too. They want to become friends with humans. It's a foolish sympathy. They're ungrateful creatures, all of them!”

“Then why keep Casey around? He's not happy here anyway.”

Mama winked. “He's not like the others. I know you probably don't remember, but I have to ask, do you remember the Krang attack a few weeks ago?”

Sunshine shook her head. Mama smiled wickedly.

“That boy's from a future where everything died because of what his brothers did, and they were hunted mercilessly by the Krang. Another species of hateful, murderous people. They're not so different from humans.”

“His family was killed by them?”

Mama nodded. “Obliterated. I saw it the first moment I laid eyes on him. He's a survivor. But his family is holding him back.”

“How?”

“It's confusing,” Mana admitted, tilting her head to one side and back. “And what I'd like to ask him about when he's better. For now though, he needs discipline.”

“I think he needs more than that,” Sunshine noticed. “He needs…”

“A friend?” Mama winked. “Family? Something more?”

“Stop it!” Sunshine flustered. “I meant he needs to be left alone!”

The yokai cackled again. “You're probably right, foozle. But what about you? What do you need?”

Sunshine bit her lip. It seemed Mama wanted her to say something, but she was unsure what.

“You can't carry the sword Synth gave you,” Mana reminded her.

“Oh! Yeah, that…”

“It's not a problem, musky moodle. It's been on my mind for a while, and I've come to the same conclusion: it doesn't suit you.”

Sunshine shook her head.

“You've been watching those Lou Jitsu movies I sent to your room right? And the training videos?”

Sunshine nodded.

“Good girl! I have one in mind I want you to watch this evening. The Rhythm of 10 Strings. Can you do that?”

“Yes Mama,” Sunshine answered with a small smile. She loved watching Lou Jitsu movies.

“I think it’s one rather underappreciated, but it’s what got me to fall in love with that man in the first place.”

“With Lou Jitsu?” Sunshine asked.

Big Mama nodded wistfully. “Don't be deceived, moodle; this life is not like the movies.”

Off Beat

The first thing Casey thought when he woke up was how much everything fucking sucked.

The room, despite being more dark and intimidating than any bedroom ever should be, was losing the battle against the bright shining lights from the arena outside.

And that shit kept Casey rolled over and hidden under his covers for far longer than he should have. You know when you sleep in for too long and then you just feel sluggish for what feels like the rest of the day? Yeah, that was him.

But let's not forget the excruciating pain from his concussion, right? That light had sent daggers right through his eyes when he first woke up, and now, even though he was turned away, he could hear the splintering cry of steel on steel in the arena below him, nevermind the deafening cheers of Mama's numerous patrons. It was like they were all screaming at him to get up, only to wail even louder if he dared move. When he moved the world sloshed around him like water in a fish bowl. Closing his eyes wasn't much better, it was as if he were constantly spinning.

But the worst part was he had no idea what the fuck he was doing here. Sure he figured this was a hotel room in the Nexus, but he had no idea how he got here. What day was it? What time was it? Had he fallen asleep after that girl had bandaged him up?

He knew he had to get up at some point. He kinda hoped that one girl would find him so he wouldn’t have to do it himself. Another part of him didn't want her to see him so fucked up. Why was he in so much pain by the way? What was her name?

He curled himself up as tightly as possible, and let his mind wander. He wished he was home. Hell, he wished he was at school. In his mind’s eye, he could see Angel scowling at him and calling him out for showing up late to practice. He’d certainly rather be yelled at by her than his fucking head. Or maybe things could just be quiet?

Somebody would get him eventually, surely.

…

….

Finally, eventually came.

And it wasn't who he thought it would be.

He didn't even knock when he entered. Just the sound of the door squeaking open made Casey want to pass out. Well, he wanted that anyway; he'd been lying on his side for ages hoping he'd fall asleep.

The yokai grumbled something but Casey didn't know what it was. It didn't make any sense. The voice and demeanor was familiar, but guess what? Casey wasn't going to try and figure that out. He just wanted everything to stop.

“Hey!” the yokai snarled to get his attention. The voice boomed through Casey's head like a gunshot.

Casey screamed into the sheets. The sound fucking hurt. It fucking hurt it fucking hurt why why please stop stop fuck fuck fuck-

And then there was pressure against his head. It was completely involuntary but he screamed again, and then he was screaming because he was screaming. The hand didn't let go- it stayed there, despite his thrashing.

Let me go let me go let me go “LET ME FUCKING GO.”

He was sitting upright, and for a dazzling moment, the room was heaven bright- and then softened. He had pushed himself up, his weight anchored by his hands clenched tightly around loose sheets. Had he pulled them off?

He looked around the room and found the source of his torment; Leatherhead was standing a foot away from the edge of the bed, his arms crossed and his snout looking down at Casey with measured frustration.

“What the hell was that?” Casey sputtered.

“You're fixed. Go downstairs.”

“I'm what?”

“Your concussion is gone.”

“I have a concussion?” he sputtered dumbly.

The alligator made an irritated grumble.

“Stinkpot's waiting for you.”

“Oh, shit.”

“If I have to hear her complain about you anymore I'm killing you both,” the alligator sneered before moving toward the door.

“Gee, thanks.”

The yokai answered by slamming the door so hard it shattered and he took the door handle with him.

Yikes.

But at least the sound of the slamming didn't hurt as bad. What the actual fuck, how was he suddenly just… ok again?

His brain was still a broken record; what the fuck was going on?!?!?

Figuring the only way to find out was to actually meet up with that girl that he couldn't believe he'd forgotten was Sunshine, he pushed himself up and onto his feet.

The world still kinda swayed when he stood upright; probably because he had overslept, but also because he had once again forgotten he was a turtle. He needed to stop doing that. He was sick of the back and forth.

His chest clenched as he remembered his cloaking brooch. Big Mama had destroyed it. Shit, how had that happened?

He stumbled to the door but paused when he realized he probably looked like shit. Glancing down, he wondered how long he'd been in his… wait, he was wearing his patrol gear. His knee pads were slid down to his ankles, his shorts were wrinkled and so was his jersey. He looked back at the bed and saw he'd torn off his hoodie sometime while he was out. His hair was a fucking mess.

What was he doing before?

Fuck it, he needed a shower. Surely Sunshine could wait a few minutes more.

That turned out to be the best decision ever. God, just when he thought he was getting used to nice things like hot water, they turned around and made him cry again. Ok, just a little bit. He wasn't actually sure he was crying because he was already wet but you get the idea.

Fuck he was a mess.

When he pulled back the shower curtain, a flash of movement caught his eye from the wall across from him. Partial, incomplete.

Half of his face looked back through a shattered window. When had that broken?

Shards of broken glass glittered along the wall and in the sink. Looking down, he noticed it was a marvel he hadn't sliced his feet on any of the pieces scattered on the floor.

He must have been in a really bad mood to have done that. At least he knew why. He pulled the rest of the glass off at his eye level and threw it in the trash; the problem was fixed.

Onto the next.

The bad news was that Big Mama didn't seem to care for his preferred style of dress, as the wardrobe by his bed was full of jeans. How was he supposed to move in those, huh?

Whatever, it was better than putting on dirty clothes. He threw on a sleeveless hoodie too and called it good enough.

Casey pulled away what was left of his door and stepped out into the hallway. To his surprise, Sunshine was already outside waiting for him, leaning against a door opposite him. It was the door to her room; they shared the same floor.

“Hey!” she smiled warmly.

“Hi. How… how long have you been there?”

She pursed her lips in thought. “Not sure. Twenty minutes? Since Leatherhead came up.” her eyes darted away. “I'm sorry; I asked for his help. That uh, sounded pretty bad in there.”

She had called him?

“Why?”

Her eyes snapped back to meet his. “Because when I tried to get you up you couldn't stop screaming.”

What?

“I didn't do that-”

“You almost attacked me. So I let you sleep a while longer.”

He didn't remember any of that.

“What… what time is it?” He asked, running his hands through his hair, embarrassed.

“It's almost 2pm.”

Casey bit his tongue. “What day?” he mumbled.

“Tuesday.”

Tuesday?!

“You've been in and out of it since Saturday night,” she explained. “Do you… not remember?”

He shook his head.

Casey felt his cheeks burn as she looked him over, as if she could decipher everything wrong with him with her eyes alone.

“Well, let's get breakfast first, I guess,” she decided instead, shrugging. “We can talk about it then.”

He nodded lamely. ‘I'm sorry.’

“Don't worry about it,” she smiled again, before turning and waving at him to follow. “It's been a lot, take your time.”

—

Sunshine seemed to be doing her best to keep herself from skipping down the hall as she chirped about her favorite places to eat in the Nexus. If you could believe it, Big Mama had four different restaurants, and, depending on how well her little playthings behaved, they could wander around and eat wherever. In the elevator, she decided they were going to the diner with an all day breakfast. When they stepped into the dining area, the first thing Casey noticed was the polished white floor that perfectly reflected his face back at him. Sunshine dragged him to a table, and he slowly took in the rest of the bright environment. Everything worth noticing was retro-pink or so glossy or chrome it made Casey want to poke his eyes out. Thankfully, Sunshine passed him a menu to pretend to care about instead.

Casey had a sneaking suspicion that Sunshine was having breakfast for the second time today not for his sake, but for hers. He really didn't care what he ate, but Sunshine jumped at the opportunity to order waffles again, this time with four different flavors of syrup to pour over top.

“Do you eat anything else?” Casey asked her curiously as she spread whipped topping between every little square she could manage.

Sunshine squinted her eyes at him as if it were a challenge. “No,” she answered with a straight face before stuffing an oversized bit into her mouth. She immediately choked, and Casey wondered why she even bothered to lie to him in the first place. When she recovered, she mumbled “got a problem?”

“I guess not,” he shrugged as he looked down at his own plate. He had the plainest looking cheese omelet and hash browns. Sugar was the last thing he wanted right now. “Sorry.”

She didn’t say anything, and when he glanced up, she didn’t seem to have given his question or apology any thought at all. Her head bobbed from side to side as she seemed to be humming something to herself. When she caught him watching her, she just winked and stabbed another waffle.

“How are you so… happy?” he asked, dumbfounded.

“Uh… vecause you’re here?” she asked through a mouthful of fried dough.

“What?”

Sunshine rolled her eyes. She tried to say something else but caught herself talking with her mouth full again, and cut herself off. “You’ve been completely out of it, I guess I’m just happy you’re back again.”

“What happened?” he wondered.

Sunshine tapped her plate nervously. “You got in big trouble with Mama,” she said quietly.

She set her fork down and told him everything that had happened since he left her Friday night. She didn’t have all the details, but some things came back as she described them.

Donnie strapped to the operating table, Aderman chasing after him and Leo, he vaguely remembered trying to get away, the feeling of dirt and grass dragging against his skin as she pulled him back to her.

On the ground. Over and over again.

“You came into Big Mama’s office with Synth afterwards,” Sunshine sighed, her cheek pinned to her palm. “I don’t think you saw me there. Mama was really upset with you.”

Casey nodded. He remembered staring at the polished desk, and how she wanted him to look at her instead. He caught movement in his periphery, and noticed Sunshine had reached her hand across the table, palm up.

“I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.” She closed and opened her fingers. It wasn’t really an ask, was it?

He took her hand, and she squeezed his.

“You can go home Casey, you don’t have to put up with all this.”

He shook his head. He vaguely remembered his last conversation with Leo. How had he managed all that? He could feel tears threatening to emerge again, and he took a deep breath.

“I’m not leaving here without you,” he said finally. And he meant it. Fuck the cloaking brooch and his drama for the moment- he couldn’t let Sunshine stay here with Big Mama. It was convenient that he could hide here, sure, but as he thought about that evening more, he imagined Sunshine on his side of that desk. What would happen to her if she stayed here? There was no way she could be happy here.

He looked back up at her, and she gave him another reassuring smile. She said something else, but he wasn’t really listening. He just nodded in agreement.

He wanted a reason to smile like that.

—

“We're meeting up with the guys after this, I hope you're ready for that,” Sunshine smiled cheekily as she finished her food. Casey had finally started to make his way through his omelet, albeit much more slowly.

“The…” Casey hoped she wasn't telling him what he thought she was.

“Bebop and Rocksteady!” she confirmed to his chagrin.

“Are you guys like, friends now or something?” he grumbled. “They'll probably put me back in the hospital. Or more likely, in some dumpster to be eaten by rats.”

“Don't you live with a rat?” Sunshine raised her brow.

“My grandad would eat me if he had to…” Casey figured. “Provided I was already dead of course.” he figured. “Rats are survivors. It's an admirable quality.” He smiled darkly.

Sunshine nodded approvingly like that wasn't a terrible thing to hear while licking her plate clean.

“Okay but really, they're actually pretty nice guys. When we're not training we go up onto the terrace and Rocksteady wrestles Bebop until he lets him freestyle.”

“He asks permission to rap?”

Sunshine gave Casey a pained smile. “It's insufferable! He couldn't rhyme fat with cat if they were magnets on a fridge. He loses the beat all the time too. Bebop's a lot better at it, but Rocksteady can't keep time and it drives the other mad.” She rolled her eyes. “It usually ends up in them fighting again.”

“And you're looking forward to this?”

“Well yeah!” she nearly jumped out of her seat. “It’s funny! It passes the time, anyway.”

“It sounds like it's going to be pretty one-sided if you said Bebop's better,” Casey pointed out.

“That's honestly part of the fun,” Sunshine smirked, folding her napkin on the table. “Rocksteady never gives up, and you know what they say, even a broken clock is right twice a day.”

“So is that where we're going after this?” Casey asked.

“No, we have weights first,” Sunshine groaned. “Want to join us?”

“What else am I going to do?” Casey shrugged.

If Casey knew what he was getting into, he probably would have tried harder to find something else to do.

–

“Shoot Sunnyside, I didn't think he'd actually come!” Bebop snorted as soon as Casey stepped into the weight room. The large mutant was spotting his partner on an oversized bench press. Casey immediately tensed, and not being able to see the warthog's eyes behind his glasses didn't help either. He wasn't mad right? Sunshine assured him they weren't…

Sunshine rolled her eyes. “I told you he would!”

Bebop snorted again. “An’ he ain’t gonna spaz out on us again?”

Casey frowned. He didn’t like where this was going. “Spaz out? What got you there in the first place?” Casey snarled. Sunshine nudged him in warning.

“Hey, hey, guys, that’s… uh, not why we're here,” Sunshine reminded them, stepping between the two parties. Sunshine gave Casey a no-nonsense look. “Rocksteady already apologized. We’re good.”

Casey’s eyes slid over to the rhinoceros, who was now racking his bar. The giant pulled himself upright, and his beady eyes settled on Casey’s face.

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks.”

“I mean you look smaller than you should be. The other one’s taking much better care of himself.”

“The other one?” What was he on about?

“The red one,” Bebop snorted. “What’d you say his name was, Sunshine?”

“Raphael,” she answered nervously, giving Casey a quick look before darting her eyes away.

“You’ve seen him?” Casey asked, feeling a lump rise in his throat. “And you told them about him?” Casey turned to Sunshine.

“He came looking for us, actually!” Bebop smiled. “He’s a real one. Wanted to make sure we were doin’ okay.”

“Blue one was annoying tho,” Rocksteady mumbled. “Kept askin’ about you.”

“Did they see you?” Casey asked Sunshine nervously.

“No! I wasn’t there,” Sunshine assured him. “I was uh, out.”

Casey wanted to know what that meant, but he was more concerned about his brothers. “What… what did you tell them?” Casey asked Bebop.

“We didn’t tell them shit!” Bebop guffawed. “They were so pissed. But Sunshine said we shouldn’t say nothin’ so we just act like we never heard of ya.”

“There’s no way they’d believe that, they know I’m here,” Casey reasoned. “But they left?”

“They were here yesterday,” Sunshine explained. “They had a lot of questions for Bebop, but when you got brought up Steady chased them away.”

“It was a load of nonsense,” the rhinoceros grunted, standing up to lower the weights for Bebop. “Some human world stuff, I didn’t know what they were on about.”

They were trying to get them to remember who they were before they were captured, Casey realized. How had they found Bebop and Rocksteady on their own? Casey couldn’t find a way to connect the dots.

Casey looked over to Bebop, who suddenly didn’t look so sure of himself. “What did they ask you?”

“Doesn’ matter,” the warthog grumbled, sitting at the bench. “It was dumb.”

Sunshine nodded in agreement. “Your brothers are nuts. Wanna warm up with me?” she pointed over to a more open space in the weight room. Casey nodded and followed her over. He wondered again why the hell Big Mama had only left him jeans to wear. He stretched uncomfortably, and noticed that at least Sunshine was appropriately dressed. Sneakers, joggers, and a tank top with loose, open sides. The way she moved, Casey noticed she looked very comfortable with the way she carried herself now. No longer thrown off by the balance of her shell, she’d come a long way in the days he’d been gone.

“You need to stop showin’ up late, snoozefest!” Rocksteady taunted her.

“It wasn’t me this time!” Sunshine defended. “Leatherhead didn’t come through until after lunch.”

“What an asshole,” Bebop grunted through his set. Rocksteady gave him the stink eye. “Mother… trucker can’t even look after his normal patients!”

“At least it worked,” Sunshine shrugged, stretching her arms. “Mama said concussions are so common here she had a team of spellcasters figure them out years ago. It’s one of her most profitable investments, or something.”

“Probably slowed down her turnover rate exponentially,” Bebop agreed.

“If she could have fixed my head sooner, why didn’t she?” Casey asked. “It’s been what, three days?”

Sunshine looked down at the floor. “She was going to, but uh, decided against it.”

“But she wants me to help you.”

Sunshine nodded. “I think she wanted to punish you more.”

“What changed?” he asked, confused.

Sunshine shook her head. “I don’t know, I just finally got Leatherhead to agree with me today.”

What a vindictive bitch.

They finished warming up, and Sunshine spun over to a more reasonably sized bench.

“Are you pressing too?” Casey asked as they lowered the bar together.

“Mhm!” She looked around the room for a moment. “Oh, our trainer's not in today. Bebop, how many sets are we doing today?”

“Six. He left a page on the mirror.”

Sunshine groaned and moved across the room to the sheet taped to the mirror he indicated. While she looked it over, Casey couldn't help but voice a question to Bebop that had been on his mind.

“You said it was Raph that approached you guys, not Leo?”

“Yeah, he was the one who saw us. We were at a… uh…”

“A what?”

The warthog was suddenly nervous. “It ain't nothin',” he grumbled. “He found us, is all.”

“You were at that magic show again weren't you?” Sunshine smiled as she returned with the paper and began picking up weights to load onto the bar.

“Really?” Bebop growled.

“Oh please, like he cares,” Sunshine figured. “He's just worried about his brothers.”

“You know, I see it in the red one, but I don't in the other,” Rocksteady piped up. “Is he like… the black sheep or somethin’?”

“See what?” Casey asked, confused.

“The family resemblance. Well, you're the same as the red one right? The spines and all…”

“Oh, that,” Casey realized, feeling a little silly for not catching on sooner. “Yeah, Raph and I are snapping turtles. Leo's a slider.”

“Slider? That describes him pretty well,” Sunshine smiled. “He looks shifty.”

Casey nodded in agreement.

“But you got the good genes, huh,” Rocksteady chuckled. “Wish I had half the hair Bebop's got.”

“A blessing and a curse,” Bebop grumbled. “What do you brush a boar's hair with, huh? Not a boar bristle brush, that's for sure!”

Rocksteady laughed at that, and they continued on with their work out as Sunshine started on her first set.

“You saw Leo?” Casey asked Sunshine when she finished her set.

‘I did,’ she signed unexpectedly. ‘I snuck out to see where those two were going,’ she gestured to Bebop and Rocksteady.

‘You snuck out? And she didn’t say anything?’

Sunshine shrugged. ‘Stir crazy I guess. But don’t worry, your brothers didn’t see me.’

‘I’m sure Leo was way more interested in the magic show,’ Casey smiled. ‘He loves that shit.’

‘I don’t get it, it’s not even real magic,’ Sunshine signed, frowning. ‘That’s why Bebop’s self conscious about it. Everyone else here makes fun of him for going.’

Because yokai don’t need to see a magic show. Poor guy.

“Who’s doing a magic show in the Hidden City anyway?” he wondered out loud.

“Hypno!” Rocksteady announced excitedly. “He’s amazin’!”

Casey rolled his eyes. Why did he even ask?

“It can’t be the right audience for him though, right? He’d be better off performing for humans.”

“He’s got a promotion goin’ on with his husband, I think,” Sunshine explained. “He’s been everywhere… What was his name again?” The others shrugged. “Some new book coming out about mutants in the human world or something. I think it was called… Mutant Me!?” she threw up air quotes.

“That’s it!” Bebop snapped and pointed. “Yeah, Hypno wouldn’t stop talking about it. Come to think of it…” he whipped out a phone. “Yeah, I preordered it. I don’t even remember doing that,” he scratched his head in confusion. “I’m sure it’s gotta be interestin’ though.”

“You can barely read instructions on a soup can,” Rocksteady grumbled.

“You can’t read at all!” Bebop guffawed.

“Hey, that’s not my fault,” the larger mutant grumbled. “I have dysflexia.”

“Dyslexia,” Sunshine corrected.

“Yeah, that,” Rocksteady nodded.

“Sounds like Hypno was putting on more than a show,” Casey figured, smiling to himself.

“What do you mean?” Bebop asked sincerely, but Casey just shook his head. He hoped the poor guy hadn’t been scammed into buying anything else.

—

Rats Like Us

“...I’m back at the show

The only place I visit

Now I wish I’d share it sitting next to her

Eyes are on them

Wish they were on my face

But that’s not how it goes i don’t think you’d glance at me

A world beyond your flowers

I’m taller than this hotel

My heart’s breaking… yeah.”

Rocksteady rapped in front of his small captive audience on the terrace. The swishing of a huge willow tree big enough for all three of them to sit against came back into focus as Sunshine paused her rhythmic knocking against its wide roots.

Casey leaned back and admired the shuffling leaves above him. He hadn't expected something so heavy from the mutant. Awful and out of time, but still very sad.

“Jeez sandbag, you're opening with that?” Bebop asked, tipping his head. “I'm starting to think maybe this just ain't your thing. Maybe you should write a love song instead.”

“What? I can't do a love song, that's too squishy,” the rhinoceros deflated. “I'm just throwin’ it out there, it's not finished yet.”

“Do you really think that though, Rocksteady?” Sunshine piped up.

“Of course! I just gotta write it down-”

“No no, I meant about what you were saying; you don't think anyone can love you?”

Rocksteady sat down on the ground across from them.

“Dunno. A lot of the time it feels that way.”

“The Hidden City is so big though! There's so many different kinds of people, too. You'll find someone.”

“There's not a lotta gals my size, Sunshine,” he grumbled.

Casey suppressed a chuckle, but Bebop turned a sharp eye in his direction.

“What's so funny huh?”

“Ah! Nothing, nothing,” Casey tried to wave it away, but Bebop refused to let up the protective act.

“I'm sorry,” Casey apologized. “I was just reminded of something my mom said once.”

Seeing he suddenly had an audience, he instinctively went to reach for his hair, but caught himself and squeezed his fingers instead.

“She used to joke that if she ever got married it would be to a volcano.”

“That’s silly, you can’t marry a volcano,” Rocksteady huffed.

“I think it’s a metaphor, Steady,” Sunshine explained.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t though,” Casey smiled. “She was crazy. In a good way.”

“Sounds like trouble,” Bebop sniffed. “Think I got enough crazy in my life.”

“Thanks Bebop, I’m glad to hear you aren’t interested in my mom.”

“That’s not what I meant!” the warthog snapped, but Rocksteady burst out laughing.

“Then what did you mean?” Sunshine asked with a stupid grin on her face.

“I meant what I said,” Bebop huffed. “Think I’d date someone quiet.”

“To be seen and not heard?” Steady teased.

“Stop putting words in my mouth!” Bebop roared. “No,” he sank back against the tree. “They need to like, invite the quiet, ya know? There’s enough noise in my head for the both of us.”

“Aww,” Sunshine cooed. “And I thought Rocksteady was the romantic.”

“He is, have you seen him?” Bebop chuckled. “Last two nights we’d been out he kept starin’ at that flower stand down on 39th. ‘Hey Bebop, do you know flowers mean different things?’” Bebop rolled his eyes. “You think I know what different flowers mean?” He scoffed.

“They do! That’s what she said to me!” Rocksteady huffed. “And the colors of the flowers matter too. The lady at the shop was showin’ me them. There were some cute yellow ones, but she told me they symbolized disappointment.”

“That’s silly. Yellow flowers are cute!” Sunshine argued.

“I know right? She said the white and pink ones were more romantic, but really? Who ever looked at Sunshine and was disappointed?” Rocksteady smiled as the musk turtle giggled.

“I’m sure there are other yellow flowers you could give someone,” Casey suggested.

Rocksteady shrugged. “Sure, but they’re not as bright as those whaddaya-call-ums?” He looked over at Bebop.

“Carnations,” the warthog gave up.

“Yeah, those,” Rocksteady smiled dreamily.

Casey had never heard that flowers had meanings before, but then again, flowers weren’t something he had ever really paid attention to. He couldn’t see himself buying flowers for anyone. Not anyone who would appreciate them, anyway.

His heart sank. He could imagine quite a few people sending him yellow carnations. Most notably from Sunshine beside him. If she found out what he was keeping from her…

“What about you, Sunshine?” Bebop chuckled. “Do you believe in love?”

“Of course I do!” she answered immediately. Casey smiled again; there was no hesitation at all in her voice. “How could I not? My life is a musical; my true love will find me for sure.”

“You haven't even seen a musical!” Bebop roared with laughter.

“I must have!” Sunshine pouted. “If I didn't, how would I know what they are?”

“You can know a lot about things without really knowing them,” Rocksteady guessed.

“Yeah, go ahead and name one,” Bebop teased.

Sunshine looked absolutely flustered. “That’s not fair, you wouldn’t even recognize them anyway!”

“I would too!” Bebop challenged her.

“Liar! You couldn’t even name an artist but you go around telling Rocksteady what is and isn’t hip hop.”

“Brockhampton. And I’m not gatekeeping; Rocksteady can do whatever he wants.”

“Whatever,” Sunshine raised her hands, frustrated. “I'm not wrong though. Just because I can't remember it doesn't mean it didn't happen.”

Bebop shrugged. “Didn't say you were wrong, I just think you're naive.”

“Naive?” Sunshine's muscles tensed like she might jump up and fight him. “You… ugh!” she sank back into the trunk between them, defeated. “I don't even care anymore.”

“Hey now, I didn't mean to upset ya,” Bebop told her, sitting upright. “I'm sorry, I thought it was cute. You'va… you have a good heart.”

Sunshine rolled her eyes. “Thanks.”

There was a quiet pause, and then she pushed herself up onto her feet.

“I'm gonna go back to my room. I'm tired.” She stretched. “You guys won't fight while I'm gone will you?”

“What's that supposed to mean? We're decent people!” Rocksteady protested.

“I just wouldn't want you getting hurt again is all,” she giggled.

Casey flinched, and Sunshine's eyes darted over to him.

“Sorry. Too soon?”

‘A bit,’ he signed back, frowning.

‘Be nice,’ she winked, and then left.

What did she think he was going to do? He had just gotten over a concussion!

“You guys have your own little language there?” Rocksteady asked when Sunshine had gone back inside. “That's cute.”

“It's sign language dummy,” Bebop told him. “I'm kinda startin’ to think Mama wiped a few more than just your memories dude. I swear you weren't this stupid when we met.”

Casey looked over to Bebop, surprised. “You met Rocksteady before this? And you remember that?”

Bebop shook his hand uncommitted. “It's come an’ go,” he grumbled. “But yeah, I'm pretty sure we were friends before this. Been here longer than Sunshine, too. I think it's been what, two months, Steady?”

Rocksteady shrugged. “I leave the days up to you, guy.”

“He don't remember anythin',” Bebop pointed out. “I swear if I was like… his reluctant mom-partner before all this, I'm gonna throw up.”

“I don't think we were datin’, Bebop,” Rocksteady grumbled.

“Your evidence?”

“Your face,” Rocksteady guffawed.

Bebop frowned and looked back over to Casey. “I walked into that one.”

“You did,” Casey smiled. “Sounds like you guys have been friends a long time.”

Bebop nodded. “And we been thinkin’ a long time too…” he glanced over at Rocksteady for a moment. “-with varying degrees of success.”

“Hey!” Rocksteady snapped, but Bebop ignored him. “We wanna know what your deal is. Not gonna come after ya, but you smell different from the other mutants around here.”

“I smell?”

“Sure do!” Rocksteady chuckled. “That's not what he means though.”

“I didn't think so,” Casey snorted. “But yeah, I get you. You wanna know why Mama has me hanging out with Sunshine.”

“Not exactly,” Bebop narrowed his eyes. “I wanna know why you wanna spend time with her.”

Casey shrugged, wondering how much he should say. “It’s as easy as blackmail,” he answered cryptically.

Bebop frowned. “That seems to be a common theme around here. The other mutants stuck here are the same way, except us and Sunshine, of course.”

“She wants you to like her,” Casey pointed out. He bit his tongue. He probably shouldn't talk too much about Big Mama's intentions where she could easily overhear them.

“But Sunshine, do you like her?”

“Of course, she's cool,” Casey smiled. “It's hard not to.”

Rocksteady nodded sagely.

“But like, you aren't doin’ this for her,” Bebop figured.

“It's a bit of both. After your debut I'm hoping Big Mama lets me go.”

Bebop looked at Casey as if the snapper expected Jesus to come down and save him.

“You know that ain't gonna happen,” Bebop looked at him from over his shades. “I been around here a bit, I know who to talk to and what to put out there, ya hear me?”

“I'm not sure you do,” Casey frowned.

“I do,” the warthog huffed, and leaned down to be eye level with Casey.

“We aren't all friends here, kid. There's a weasel here, and they've got their own ideas about the debut. I need to know you're a rat like us.”

Casey blinked. What the hell was this guy on about?

“No one gets your riddles, Bebop,” Rocksteady grumbled, shaking his head. “He just wants to know if you're gonna help us out.”

“With what?”

Bebop sighed and raised his hand. Casey thought he looked like he was trying to find a boil on his hand or something, but to his surprise he started finger-spelling.

‘G-E-T-U-S-O-U-T.’

“Is Sunshine teaching you guys?”

“I didn't know you could do that too, Bebop!” Rocksteady beamed.

“I can't. Don't get too excited,” Bebop huffed.

Casey frowned. “I promised Sunshine I'd do that for her.”

Bebop gestured to himself and Rocksteady. They both wanted out too.

“I can only do so much. I think you're talking to the wrong guy.”

“You mean the weasel.”

Casey fingerspelled Synth's name, and Bebop nodded.

“I think you're mistaken. He's cool,” Casey explained.

‘W-E-A-S-E-L.’

“You don't know him like I do,” Casey shook his head. “I trust him.”

“Then he's eating well,” Bebop grunted. “You'll see.”

“See what?” But Bebop was getting to his feet.

“I see why Sunshine's worried about you,” he said as he moved to go back inside. “You should talk to her more. Wouldn't want to scare her away, right?”

“Excuse me?”

“He means you-”

“I heard him just fine!” Casey snapped, standing up, bristled. “You've got a lot of nerve,” he told Bebop.

Bebop opened the door to the interior and paused.

“More than most,” he smiled wickedly.

—

The Rhythm of 10 Strings

“Are humans dangerous, Synth?”

The bobcat's nose twitched at the question, but he was otherwise focused on his book keeping.

“Mama says they are, but Casey's the only other person who talks about them, and they don't sound so bad.”

Synth looked up and blinked slowly. “It's all perspective, probably. It's a very controversial topic.”

“What's your perspective, then?” Sunshine crossed her arms and leaned against his counter. She might have lied about going back to her bedroom.

“They’re not exceptionally dangerous, but there are too many of ‘em. Like most people, they’re prejudiced, and like to hurt others that are different from ‘em. And since they're up there and we're down here, you can imagine who's winnin’ here.”

“Winning? Are we fighting them?”

Synth made a note in his book and closed it. “Always have been. In our own ways. It's been quiet in recent years, but since mutants have gone public in New York, tensions are rising. Things could continue as they are… or we could face extinction.”

“Oh.”

“Mutants are in a unique situation, Sunshine. Most of them were humans once. If a war were to happen, who mutants decide to stand with could very well decide whether or not we continue to exist.”

“But mutants… aren't humans afraid of them too?”

“They are. But some of them, like Lou Jitsu, are also public heroes. He is especially dangerous. Influential, connections, and a sympathetic figure. Humans might let him fight for them now, but later? They'll turn on the mutants. They always do. Hell, they turn on each other. But for now, they'll use them against us. The mutant turtles are playing with fire by trying to be accepted by humans.”

“So you think Mama's right,” Sunshine surmised.

Synth shrugged. “She has an understanding.”

Sunshine frowned. It was not something she had expected him to say. Didn't he want her position? She thought he would be opposed to whatever she said.

But what he said sounded sensible, at least. There weren't any humans in the Hidden City for a reason. Casey used a disguise around humans for a reason.

But if he was scared of them, why did he and his brothers spend so much time around them?

The bobcat yokai stretched and yowled, blinking his bug eyes again and looking across the room.

“Your knife is ready by the way.”

“It is?!” Sunshine jumped, pulled from her thoughts.

The creature turned and picked up a black box from behind him that she hadn't noticed sitting there before.

“The weight will be much different from what you've seen with the kunai,” he explained, gently removing the lid.

Nestled inside was a sheathed black trench knife with a leather grip. But the handle…

“It's wrong,” Sunshine pointed out, gesturing to the rings on the grip.

“Pardon?”

“Ah! Sorry, I mean, it's beautiful!” Sunshine apologized, snapping her hand back and scratching her head. “But…”

“How many fingers do you have, Sunshine?” Synth blinked at her.

There were two rings on the handle grip. She looked down at her hands. Two and a thumb on each, as they'd always been. Yeah, that made sense.

“Sorry, I… I was confused,” she mumbled, pinching her fingers the way she'd seen Casey do several times before.

Synth picked up the knife and unsheathed it. The reflection of Sunshine's brown eyes watched her from the dark blade.

They were more familiar than her own face.

“Pretty?” Synth asked, turning the knife over.

“Yeah!” Sunshine agreed a little too loudly, but she took the blade when he offered it to her.

It fit her hand perfectly. And for some reason, that bothered her.

“You don't like it,” Synth accused.

“No, that's… that's not it at all!” Sunshine shook her head. “It's just, not what I expected.”

Synth narrowed his eyes. “If you don't love it we should try somethin’ else.”

Oh, now he was listening to her? After how many times she told him she didn't want a sword?

She gripped it tighter. “It's mine.”

“Then I'll not hear anymore complaints about it,” Synth sniffed. “Get out.”

“Ok. Sorry,” she apologized, sheathing the knife and replacing it into the box.

He chased her out the door, and she shuffled quietly back down the maintenance hall toward the elevators.

It was a really nice blade, Synth had worked very hard on it.

So why did she feel like she was about to cry?

She faced the corner of the small carriage as the elevator ascended, her forehead pressed against the wall in an effort to hide her face from the other staff stepping on with her.

When she got to her room, she locked the door and set the box onto her bed. She immediately flipped on the tv. The Rhythm of 10 Strings was already on and rewinded as she'd done the night before.

She started the movie and pulled her comforter around her shoulders. She forwarded past the ads and title screen, skipping to where Lou Jitsu made his first appearance.

He leapt out onto the screen and challenged the small-time baddies that would show off his character's strength.

But then she appears; the villainess of the movie. She is the daughter of the last movie's big baddie and she catches Lou Jitsu entirely off guard and captures him.

Tang Shen, she's too beautiful for this world. Sunshine could understand why Big Mama liked this movie so much. She starts out as the villain, but then she falls in love with Lou Jitsu and they work together to stop evil father's evil spirit from returning to the world of the living. Lou Jitsu becomes possessed, and it's Tang Shen who has to fight and defeat him to save the world.

A lot of people were upset that Tang Shen technically beat Lou Jitsu in a fight. The eighties were rough.

But Sunshine wasn't focused on the relationship between the action heroes, she was watching Tang Shen's weapons.

Tang Shen was small, fast, and dexterous. She flew across the screen like an acrobat, and she kept larger enemies at bay with her kunai. Her secret weapon though? She had an invisible wire she strung to the rings on the handles so she could manipulate the knives after she threw them. She'd also use it to trip or ensnare her opponents. Tang Shen of the Ten Strings. Ten knives. Sunshine wasn't sure if it made much sense, but she had one for each finger.

Ten fingers.

Sunshine clenched her hands again, and remembered the dream she had the morning after Casey came back; after she'd watched this movie for the first time. The first dream she'd remembered since she got here.

“Dad, are you okay?” This wasn't the first time she'd found him in his room, staring at his desk.

“It's gone,” he told her without looking up. “Someone must have taken it.”

“Taken what? What's gone?”

He pointed at the glass case behind him. It was empty. “Grandpa's knife. It's supposed to protect us.”

She took a step closer. “I'm sure we can find it,” she assured him. “I can help you look.”

He turned to face her, and Sunshine screamed. The trench knife was embedded in his right eye. Four rings on the handle.

Her dream self moved on its own. She reached out and gripped the knife in her left hand, her fingers curling around the handle perfectly. All five of them.

When she pulled the knife from his face, the last thing she remembered was him asking her:

“When are you coming home?”

Sunshine wiped the tears from her eyes. She didn't know. She didn't know anything anymore.

Prev. Masterpost Next

Notes: So sorry for the delay on the tumblr version y’all, the drawing for Sunshine took over 12 hours and I lost my pencil over the weekend so I couldn’t finish it. Love that it’s finally done. No more updates for a while tho. Need to figure out where we are going again, haha!

[misc-obeyme]

barb/mams 🤝 solo/mams

making us brainrot

YES I LOVE SEEING YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR PIANO !! YOUR ANSWER WAS SUPER HELPFUL FR!! something bout seeing someone passionate about something makes me happy, I got a lot of good info!!

i was afraid to venture into spotify without knowledge, so I'm def gonna be looking up those composers!! this is all for the cafe au akwkdjf

tbh i was thinking about having Solomon play at the cafe when he's not in school. Mammon will not let him into the kitchen after Solomon tried cooking breakfast, and mixed up the salt/sugar and set off the fire alarm. It might be he plays at the record store when it's open late?? i have yet to decide, i

now I'm thinking about fob and how patrick had a piano medley thing every night. I wonder if they actually transported the piano. That's crazy if they did!

I love the essays 😭 gimme all the essays. We can yap together !! Lmaoo. I'll take anything! I was just afraid of being a bother akwkdjf

I made it to lesson 75, and I haven't written much. I've been sleeping most of the trip. I think we're like two hours away? I'm determined to get the fic done by next week!!

- ✨ anon (tentatively coming off anon?!)

Honestly it's been such a curse lately like I can't stop thinking about it!!

AH! I'm glad that my ramblings were helpful! I would also recommend looking up classical playlists on Spotify - they have some good ones! I like the ones that are labeled as "dark academia" just because they have a lot of good classical pieces!

LOL oh nooo Solomon setting off the fire alarm, of course he got the salt and sugar confused! I suppose in a non-magic human au, he can't necessarily make magical food that could kill people? But I do suspect his food would continue to be generally inedible.

To be honest, the places I've most often seen a random piano being played by someone just for ambiance are department stores and fancy restaurants. BUT how often do we see independent cafes with live music? Like they get some local guitar guy to sit under some fairy lights and strum that acoustic, you know what I mean? Admittedly, a piano is more difficult. Unless they already have one in there all the time, a musician would only bring their own to a small space like that if it's a keyboard, probably. Something they can transport, you know? I imagine most cafes are too small for a grand piano, but they could easily fit an upright in one. Kinda like a bar with an upright piano in it, you know?

UH but I'm getting rambling over here. I've thought about this because I have Arrie play the piano in a cafe so I was like WHAT are the logistics of this? I decided to go with the idea that the cafe has its own piano and a fairly large space, too.

They might have! I think musicians that have a specific piano that they're known for playing probably do this the most. For instance, Liberace pretty famously used mirrored grand pianos. He had multiple, but he would still need to have had them transported if he wanted to use only one of his mirrored ones for a live performance. Here's a picture of one that's in a fancy hotel in London now.

That being said, I do think it's a pretty common practice if you've already got a whole road crew anyway. You would probably only need one person to know how to take the piano apart and tune it, then a handful of guys to carry it around, you know?

Well, here's another essay already! I just have many thoughts about this particular topic - anything with pianos is going to give you essays from me lol.

Oh yeahhh you can totally get through the story, I believe in you!! And of course, the story will flow the way it's meant to, that's what I always say! Sometimes you just gotta let it happen at its own pace~

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to come off anon! 💕💕

[gierosajie]

Your art and concepts are so cool!!! I've rewatched your Istaroth and Venti animatic more times than I can count haha

I don't really have a specific question in mind but I'm curious about your Gathering of Cloudy Days au! I've seen the overview but I was wondering if there were maybe any scenes or random details you have in mind?

sbdjshgkg Glad you liked them! ^ ^

As for scenes or details- hoo boy do I have a bunch of them! There's already a few floating in the Gathering of Cloudy Days AU tag, but I'm gonna be listing some more ideas that have been floating in my head in particular

Nameless Bard could practically be considered the reason why Teyvat and humanity still exists because he went out of his way to befriend Venti despite the very real risk of getting killed for defending him. And Venti cared about him and their friends so deeply to the point that it even reached Istaroth's fragmented soul deep in the Abyss and it convinced her to give humanity another chance

Somehow the power of friendship was strong enough to stop the Abyss Order's brainwashing attempt because Venti just goes "my friend wouldn't want that for me :("

Just like Relius Clover, Dottore fell into the Abyss and it allowed him to make several breakthroughs much to the detriment of several people. Thankfully, unlike Relius Clover, he never gets laid.

Y'know how I said Venti originally had blue eyes, but because he has a fragment of Istaroth's soul, it gave him the green colors? Zhongli is probably the only one that knows about his original eye color besides the people that created Venti and Istaroth. Even Venti is unaware of it

Expanding on this scene, Venti and the Tsaritsa had been talking about what it feels like to step into the actual Abyss and the Tsaritsa was curious if her falling in there instead of Venti to look for answers would even do anything. And yes, they are standing over an entrance to the Abyss itself

Venti is fated to die, but it doesn't always happen the same. Half of his deaths involved trying to save Dvalin, but it's extremely rare for him to succeed and even then, something always happens later that ends up leading to another reset. The Traveller's interference manages to save both of them

The giant sword Venti uses has Istaroth's face sculpted on it (I don't have access to my computer where the original files are, so I can't remove Venti here, but it's just the same as her statue except with her veil also wrapping to the front)

Venti also has his bangs covering his left eye so it wouldn't be targeted as often and he'd have a back up in case someone tries to blind him again like in this drawing, which is directly after this scene I wrote

Speaking of that scene, I love how @\monarchamos called it Venti going into editor mode JSBXKSGXKF

[avelera]

hello! i hope this question doesn't offend you or seem like i'm pressuring you (i'm not!). i've simply been wondering about this since chapter 6 of come live with me and be my love because it marked the end of the first day of hob and dream's year as a married couple. so, i wish to ask what are your plans for the future of the fic? will it be about their entire year together or just little glimpses of it? will it be long or do you already have an ending in mind? btw, big fan! chapter 5 is by far my favorite but chapter 4 is a close second for all the gossip and the drama!

Hello! No offense taken whatsoever, you ask a question I've been asking myself ever since I realized we were 40k in and barely hit the second full day.

Gonna cut this for spoilers just in case! They're fairly mild but some people might want to remain wholly in the dark.

So, the first weeks of this year are, in my opinion, the most interesting of course as they represent the high points of shocks, adjustments, and revelations. I am loath to skip over any of the juicy, juicy drama that happened there. But you are correct that I am also staring down the barrel of 364 more days and they will not be receiving the same depth as Day 1. Part of me wishes I'd just said a month because then I WOULD probably show each day, but I have plans for later that would not be possible if the story only covered a month, and saying "6 months" etc would just feel odd. There's a fairytale tradition to one year, or a year and a day, that I'm also partial to and feels natural to a wager between The Endless.*

Most likely what will happen is this: once patterns are established like day to day life, meals, Hob's job at the shop, etc, there will be a bit more skipping forward because we'll have seen what those are like, on average. We'll get a bit more "a few days later..." etc but not skip past any actually important conversations or occasions.

There is also a point coming up later in the story where I think we will see more substantial times skips. I think that point will mark Act 2 of 3. I might skim through quite a bit of that period minus a few stand-out scenes and then, once the full story is complete, my plan is to open prompts for that period where if there's something readers would like to see that I didn't cover, they can ask that I fill it in as a one-shot. Perhaps overly ambitious on my part, but I know I'm going to skip some lovely "day in the life" potential in order to keep the plot and pacing on track and I'd love to address some of that potential along the lines of what readers are interested in seeing.

Act 3 will likely encompass the final month or months.

Now, how long is this fic going to be? LOL, I've given up guessing. For now I'm just enjoying writing it. If I truly sense I'm running out of steam, I might push forward into Act 2 and have that one skim time a bit more than originally intended, but I still want to get to Act 3 and the culmination of all of this rather than just drag this out as "day in the life" forever. I'm a plot-writer at heart and there is a plot to this story, even if it's somewhat hidden beneath the domesticity and day to day life. Because yes, I do have an ending in mind :3

Hope that answers your question!

*(I tend to write the Endless as quite Fae-like in general, with a fondness for complicated wagers and riddles, speak in faerie truths where what you hear might not be what they said, that they rarely lie outright, and that they have a certain sense of superiority towards humans (at least, Dream and Desire do and they're more alike than ether probably wants to admit) but can still be tricked or caught off guard, etc etc. it's IMO as good a model as any for their behavior when putting them in situations not found in the show or comic and I think I can at least nod towards some comic or show moments to back up this model, particularly pre-Burgess imprisonment on Dream's part, since he seems to have more of a cruel, otherworldly edge when we see him throughout history and is of course friends with the Fae court.)

[rawrtriesagain]

Heya, same anon who asked you for art advice! First, I wanted to thank you for answer my questions and listing all that wonderful advice! I just have some followups. It’s really okay to just draw without even knowing how to put down a line? Won’t that just lead to bad habits or not learning the right techniques? And you mentioned learning how to draw the human body, will the sites you listed help, or are there other resources I should look up (like maybe on Pinterest?). Again, thanks!

Combining your asks into one. Thank you for the kind words! I'll be happy to continue helping where I can :)

So in terms of bad habits and practices, this is where my advice will fall flat haha because I myself don't know what's a good practice actually - I just do what I want to do even if its the worst way to do something anyone's ever seen! For example, my way of doing 'lineart' (just cleaning up my sketches) is to draw big fat lines and then slowly carve it with an eraser into a line I deem good enough. Someone who could grab a pen and draw a perfect line on the fly would probably be like wtf watching me meticulously erase my one fat line lol

But!

If you really don't know how to put down a line at all yet, your best bet really is to just start. There's not really a trick or technique too it, its just practice. I think unless you were trying to go into art school or something and needed to work on a portfolio (btw again I am not the person to ask for that), there's not really a 'bad habit,' its just as long as you're having fun. In my earlier example about my 'lineart' I pretty much know I'm doing it in such a dumb way, but I actually find it really fun to carve away my line with an eraser haha. Yea I could put in the effort to actually learn how to do things properly, but I like wasting hours just nitpicking on this little thing just because its fun to me. (I do the same thing for coloring also. I'll scribble my entire screen and then use an eraser to start carving things out lmao)

Of course while you're drawing and you're doing something that makes you think "hey this actually sucks actually-" that's when you take the opportunity to grow and learn something new that you didn't know before. This is a digital art thing: but for the longest time I literally didn't know anything about layers and my thoughts were just "man there's got to be a better way to do this" which throws me into a rabbit hole of searching "how do I do This Thing"

If you're really into learning art techniques though it might be good to slowly go over all of the 'art fundamentals' especially when it comes to like shading and perspective. I looked at this blog post and it looks like it would help start you out with some links to other resources: link then of course you can look up the corresponding Youtube videos to see someone actually do the fundamental for real. I'd also honestly recommend like a beginners artist course in person if that's something affordable and accessible to you. It's been one of my dreams to go to like random art classes for fun haha but alas life happens so its just me and my tablet until I'm rich as hell I guess. I've never taken a digital course either, but if that's one of the ways you're able to learn that's great too and I'd recommend it!

Next on human body:

Sorry I should have talked about them more in depth at the time, but yes they will help but only if you're determined to use them correctly! So the sites I listed basically show a pose for 30 seconds, and the idea is you're supposed to just try to take in the shape/form of the pose and draw it without nitpicking over minor details. You can also set the timer higher if you need (I used to set it to at least 60 seconds just because I was just a slow ass artist). But basically it should help you break down the human body into simple shapes and lines.

Now what I mean by using the sites correctly: So there's two ways to approach drawing from references:

1. "eye tracing" which is where your eyes are kind of just following the outline of whatever you're drawing but you're not really processing what exactly you're doing to help you later down the line. I have a bad habit of doing this and I tend to struggle later again for the same pose.

2. Breaking down the reference into small chunks and shapes, and then morphing those shapes into your piece. And later down the line you should start to be able to think of things like "oh the Circle piece of the body normally goes Here!"

Here's a random google image I found to help illustrate what I'm kind of talking about:

So eye tracing would kind of be like a less refined version of #3. Just a blobby but like you can somewhat tell what it is and that's cool I guess, but its not very helpful for when you want to try drawing a variant of the pose above. Breaking down the reference is like steps #1 and #2, simple shapes and blocks that help guide and outline the final shape you want. #1 in particular is very easy to change around should you want to.

So while you're on the sites I linked, you should try to break down each pose into its shape instead of drawing exactly what you see. You should also keep in mind the 'line of action' while doing so:

It's definitely a lot to take in all at once, so I'd honestly recommend just loading up the site and doing your best to replicate the pose, 'eye tracing' or not. Once you get more used to the routine and flow, then try to branch into learning more appropriate techniques. I've seen around that some people also recommend removing the time limit on the poses, as some people learn better by taking their time on one thing and breaking things down even further from there, but that's definitely up to you. You could also go out and try drawing random people if that helps and if you're bold!

My experience with Pinterest has mostly been for inspiration or cool things I've never thought of before, though I'm sure others are able to use it better than I can haha. I'm sure there are step by step guides to help you out around there!

I think resources to learn how to draw better really do come down to what kind of learner you are in the first place. Lots of people learn really well from Youtube tutorials for example, or maybe reading and following along with a book about anatomy would work for you too. I have like the most god awful attention span ever, so what works for me is just raw trial and error and hoping for the best. tbh idk how I even got this far haha but i am happy that I've progressed at all

Let me know if you have more questions and I'll definitely do my best to answer them! If you're looking for more advice regarding traditional art learning fundamentals, I'm sure there are many other artists that would be happy to answer your questions as well!

Best of luck! :)

[thelasttime]

Please feel free to disregard, I was just thinking about you and it hit me. Do people ever treat your inbox like a diary entry, I wonder? If so, what is that Like? Does that effect your feeling of personhood at all?

oh!! people very much do treat my inbox like a diary entry as in, i get a lot of asks about them ranting or venting or letting go of the thoughts in their head into my inbox. i won't give numbers out because i don't think it matters but i do very much think that people treat my blog more like a diary/personal space than they do with other blogs (and for me, this is very special but also comes with some issues that i will now talk about)

in terms of what it's like, i think the way i've dealt with having an inbox like this has changed as i've gotten older. so i started having a more popular ask blog around 2017-2018 which means i was like 16/17 years old at the time. during that time (and i think i've referenced this quite a few times), i felt very obligated to respond to every ask i received and give my whole heart out because people wanted my help. to this day, i don't regret that at all because i was able to help so many people but it does do a Lot for a 16 year old girl's mental health. in a way it felt like if i didn't answer someone's ask, i was seriously letting someone down in the worst way possible. i don't think i realized it at the time but it really took an emotional toll on me that i wasn't able to fully grasp until i took a break from tumblr as i moved onto college

some anons probably remember this but there was a time i had a post pinned to my blog about wanting to take some space and not answer heavier asks because it was really difficult for me. i love and appreciate all of the asks that i receive but i always will feel a sense of obligation to answer those asks as quickly as possible because i know someone is waiting for me to respond with help. and of course, i don't regret doing any of this because i'm really glad that i was able to help people and give them the support they needed.

my only thing really is when people start treating me more like an emotional punching bag and ranting in my inbox because it's kinda tough !! that really affected my personhood and feeling like i wasn't being seen as an actual person behind this blog but rather an inbox to yell into.

now that i'm older it's much better! really it's just about the balance like if i don't feel emotionally ready to answer someone's ask, i actually let myself take some time before i answer it. i still do feel obligated to answer my heavier asks (because i think that it's a crucial part of this blog and my personality to help people when they need help - see: ISFJ and type 2). i also have a big support system around me that wasn't as strong when i was 16/17. i love tumblr but it's not the only thing i do and while i still get a little grumpy sometimes about people ranting in my inbox (i admit. i still sometimes feel like people forget there's a human behind this blog), it's definitely much much better.

again, anons probably know this already but me at 22 is a much healthier and happier person than i was at 16/17. i also think that giving myself space to be an emotionally healthy person has allowed me to give better advice and comfort in turn!

so yes. tl;dr it definitely does affect my personhood to this day but i think i've gotten a lot better about handling it.

[morganaspendragonss]

so so many thanks to everyone who read even one of these stories. i am forever grateful for all the support i've received; every comment, every kudos, every reblog, every like - they all mean so much. i'm overwhelmed, honestly, but in the very best way. ily all ��

day one: against all odds (we're still here) for @trkstrnd

Carlos will hate himself for it later, but he’s so focused on his task that the screech of tires coming around the corner barely registers as a blip on his radar. He doesn’t notice anything until TK suddenly barrels into him, throwing Carlos to the side just before something else, something heavy, crashes into them with a blinding flash of pain, and then—

Nothing.

*

a simple trip to the grocery store quickly turns to disaster for tk and carlos

day two: out, damned spot for anon

TK wakes up gasping, choking on air. The sheets are suffocating him and, when he tries to free himself, they only seem to get tighter. The hands reaching out for him, trying to calm him, are the final straw; TK throws himself from bed and sprints to the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind him as he collapses against the sink.

On some level, he is aware that the hands were Carlos’s, that the sheets were theirs, that his hands are clean, and that the dream was just a dream.

But they weren't always that way.

day three: the meetings for those in my wake for @freddieholic

For years after the divorce, Gwyn came to learn that any call from Owen was almost certainly bad news, and almost always about their son. Things have been better in the three years since her time in Texas, which is why she thinks nothing of it when he calls just after she’s put Isaac to bed for the night.

“Owen, hey,” she greets. “What’s up?”

The silence she’s answered with is the first sign that something’s wrong.

The sob that follows is the second.

“Gwyn, it’s TK. He's... They think we should say goodbye."

day four: a friend in me for 📍 anon

Carlos has come to see Nancy as a force of nature, a woman who will let nothing and no-one stand in her way, whether that’s out on the field or during a game of Monopoly. But, right now, as she sits hunched over in one of the interrogation rooms, shock blanket around her shoulders, he's never seen her look so small.

or

the story of how nancy and carlos become the new champions of 126 games nights

day five: truth is heavier than fiction for anon

Carlos pauses with his hand on the doorknob, taking a moment to prepare himself before going inside. TK’s shift finished an hour ago and he’d texted to let Carlos know he was home, which means Carlos is going to be walking right into a conversation he’d rather avoid.

Not that he’d have much choice either way; he might be able to cover his cracked and bruised ribs for a little while, but the arm in a sling will tell on him as soon as the door opens. Carlos doesn’t want to hide his injuries—they’ve had enough conversations in reverse on that theme to make him a hypocrite if he did—but he may have made some choices that he doesn’t particularly want to go into right now. Not while he’s tired and aching and just wants to cuddle with his boyfriend.

He blows out a breath, then opens the door, bracing himself for TK’s reaction.

“Hey— Shit!”

day six: slowly, and then all at once for @pragmaticoptimist34

The realisation that he loves Carlos hits him like a bolt out of the blue.

And at the worst possible moment.

We are getting updates on the active shooter situation at the Four Seasons Hotel. Austin Police Department have closed off the area and officers are currently preparing to enter the building to detain the suspect. It is as yet unknown if there have been any civilian casualties, but—

“Paul, turn the damn TV back on.”

“No.”

*

five times tk can't admit his feelings about carlos, and one time he finally does

day seven: the promise of tomorrow for anon

Up until five minutes ago, Carlos had been terrified of never having TK in his arms again. Now, the thought of letting him go scares him just as much, and TK seems to feel the same, if the way he’s clutching at Carlos’s jacket and pulling it tight across his back is any indication.

Carlos hugs him close, sinking down to his knees as TK falls into the chair behind him, letting the rest of the room fade away to nothing as he realises that they weren’t too late—that TK is here, with him, alive and mostly whole.

day eight: we'll hold each other soon for @221bsunsettowers

“Be careful, please,” TK said, smoothing down the lapels of Carlos’s shirt. “Whatever happens out there, whatever you have to do, just promise me one thing. Promise you’ll come back to me.”

Carlos knew better than to promise something like that, and TK knew better than to ask it. But because it was him, and because it was TK, Carlos just nodded and leaned in to press a kiss to TK’s temple.

“I promise,” he whispered, pulling away.

It's the last good memory Carlos has, and he's going to hold onto it for as long as he has left. If he's going to die, then the last thing he wants to see is TK's smile.

day nine: now i am just but the wayward man for anon

Ben is glaring at him again.

Klaus is very familiar with this specific glare—it’s the one Ben breaks out when Klaus is being ‘stubborn’ and ‘stupid’ and ‘a fucking asshole junkie with no self-respect who only cares about the next high and, really, it’s a fucking miracle you haven’t gotten yourself killed yet, Klaus’.

He has to hand it to him. Ben really does have him down to a tee.

*

winter is approaching and klaus has nowhere to go. his siblings are his only option—meaning he effectively has no options.

day ten: i can't imagine my life without you for 📍 anon

It had come completely out of left field—one minute everything was fine, the next Carlos had turned to him with guarded eyes and a clenched jaw, and said six words that sent TK’s whole world crashing down.

“I think we need a break.”

*

nobody likes to be asked 'trouble in paradise?', particularly when the answer is yes.

day eleven: start again from the beginning for anon

Owen trusts his son. He’s watched TK fight his addiction and stay sober for the last six years, and he has faith that he can handle himself.

But when TK doesn’t show up for work the night after proposing to Alex, Owen knows that something is wrong. After all, they've been here before.

day twelve: let me love you when your heart is tired for anon

TK knows it’s going to be a bad day from the moment he opens his eyes. Slowly, slowly, each twitch like he’s moving mountains, he inches his hand blindly across the bed to reach out for Carlos. If he can just feel his boyfriend, if he can just see him—

But, of course. Carlos has a shift today. TK has a vague recollection of him getting out of bed at five this morning, rousing him with a shift to the mattress and a gentle kiss on the forehead.

If this were a normal day, he might smile at the memory.

day thirteen: couldn't utter my love when it counted for 📍 anon

TK takes his time in the bathroom, stopping to stare at his reflection in the mirror for several minutes and trying to talk himself down from any more-than-friendly feelings towards Carlos.

Later, they’ll tell him that this saved his life.

But that won’t be for a long time, until after the smoke has cleared and the dead have been counted and the statements have been taken. For now, TK steels his resolve and nods at himself, then turns to the door, a hand reaching out for the handle.

That’s when the explosion rips through the building.

*

after the boba date, tk lets carlos go. they're friends, which is working just fine, until a horrific accident threatens to take even that away from them.

day fourteen: if i walk out the door (a thousand eyes) for anon

TK gets this feeling sometimes, a sort of prickling at his back, like someone’s behind him, breathing down his neck. At first, it was only a once-in-a-while situation, so he thinks nothing of it; when it becomes an everyday occurrence, he starts to wonder, but he’s probably just being paranoid. The shooting, kidnapping, firehouse explosion, and the fire at his and Carlos’s house had all taken their toll, and TK’s just generally more on edge these days.

He doesn’t tell anyone about the feeling, not even Carlos. There’s no reason to fuck up everyone else’s peace with something so stupid. It’ll go away eventually; TK’s sure of it.

That is, until one of the lots just down from the firehouse gets occupied.

day fifteen: find you here inside the dark for @fanfic-corner

Yaz has walked this room too many times to count now; she’s traced her fingertips over the walls, searching for any cracks or crevices to indicate where there might be a door.

If the Doctor were here, she’d have her sonic out by now, spitting out words, only half of which Yaz could understand. She’d find a way out in no time. Or, if not, at least she’d be here. Talking a mile a minute, probably annoying the hell out of their captors. Yaz can almost hear her now—

Wait.

She can hear her now.

day sixteen: accidents happen for @ilovemosss

So, Jason reflects, it may not have been the best idea to take Pythagoras out training while they’re all suffering from a severe lack of sleep. Being the more logical of them, Pythagoras, to his credit, had attempted to talk him out of it, but Jason ignored him.

He very much regrets that decision now.

day seventeen: you and me (moving through this world as a two-man team) for @laelipoo

TK does not have a crush on the 126's latest hire.

Carlos Reyes: an Austin local, an incredible firefighter, and—objectively speaking—the most beautiful man TK has ever laid eyes on. Which is, in fact, the entire point; TK has eyes and, yes, he will use them to sneak a look or two when he’s suddenly sharing space with a man who looks like a Greek god.

That does not mean he has a crush, Paul.

(and, sure, maybe he does sometimes dream about how soft Carlos’s lips look and the little blush he gets when he laughs and those little flecks of gold in his eyes, but he’s only human)

(how TK knows about the gold in Carlos’s eyes is none of anybody’s business)

day eighteen: in perfect harmony for @anyotherheartwilldo

Here’s the thing—Carlos doesn’t believe in signs. He used to when he was younger, raised on his abuela’s stories, but as he’d gotten older his father had taught him that what mattered was the choices he made. He’s the only one who has a say in the way his life turns out, and if he wants something, he has to put in the work to get it.

But there comes a point—namely, after his fifth thwarted attempt to propose to TK—when he begins to wonder if the universe really does have something against him.

*

proposing to tk proves far more complicated than carlos had first thought.

day nineteen: whatever here that's left of me (is yours) for anon

“Are you…” TK leans closer, peering at the hoodie Carlos is wearing, and—yep. “Why are you wearing my hoodie? Was there nothing in your size from the crew? You should have said something. We can fix this, you don’t need to be uncomfortable.”

There’s a beat, and then Carlos, studiously avoiding TK’s gaze, clears his throat. “It smells like you.”

*

post-2.12, carlos finds comfort in tk's hoodies.

day twenty: can't smile without you for anon

Carlos would be lying to himself if the possibility hadn’t occurred to him before. He has always worried for TK’s safety, and the knowledge that a serial killer is on the loose in Austin has sent that worry skyrocketing. Especially because he’s the lead detective on the case; he’s spent hours poring over horrific crime scenes, examining all the facts until they’re burned into his brain.

Admittedly, the killers seem to be mostly indiscriminate in who they take, meaning the chances of it being TK are slim.

But there’s still a chance.

*

a before, during, and after of tk's kidnapping in a hole where your memory goes

day twenty-one: lately you've been searching for a darker place to hide for @freddieholic

“Can I ask you something else?”

TK stiffens at the sound of Mateo’s voice, a nervous note to it that wasn’t there last time. Something tells him he knows exactly what Mateo wants to ask; still, he turns to lean against the counter, crossing his arms as casually as he can manage. “Sure.”

“Are you…” Mateo trails off, biting his lip and avoiding TK’s gaze. “I mean, do you… I mean—”

“You can say it, you know,” he interrupts, not unkindly. “If you want to know if I’m thinking about heading out and getting high, then just ask.”

*

five times tk turns to unhealthy coping mechanisms when he wants to use + one time he finally asks for help

day twenty-two: know me crazy, soothe me daily for anon

It had freaked Carlos out the first time it happened.

“It was a seizure,” TK explained, after Carlos had finished telling him about it. TK had been disoriented and confused for about ten minutes after, and couldn’t even remember half of their earlier conversation. “I… It’s because of the drugs. They fucked something up in my brain, especially after my first overdose, and now I get seizures occasionally."

*

in which carlos gets a little over-protective and tk is mildly exasperated

day twenty-three: lover, be good to me for anon

Carlos holds his arms out, and TK comes willingly, setting what Carlos now recognises as a tray of food carefully on the bed. “What’s this?”

TK stares as if it’s obvious. “Date night.”

“What?”

TK pauses, then gasps. “You’re right.” He pats himself down frantically, then pulls an object out of his pocket with a dramatic flourish. It’s a little electric tea light—real candles long since banned from the bedroom—and Carlos watches in bemusement as TK flicks it on and sets it down on the tray. “Now it’s date night.”

*

his fiancé being bed-bound isn't going to keep tk from date night

day twenty-four: bring you in from the cold for anon

As a cop, Carlos has always been uncomfortably aware of his own mortality. He’s considered his own death more than is probably healthy, but when you’re facing down the barrel of a gun almost every single day, it’s kind of forced on you.

He’s imagined himself being shot, stabbed, strangled, and everything in between.

But he’s not sure he ever pictured dying in a walk-in freezer after getting trapped there by mistake.

day twenty-five: heaving through corrupted lungs for anon

TK is itching to go home and check on Carlos, to make sure he’s still breathing and actually resting like he’s supposed to be. On the other hand, Carlos would probably kill him if he left work, illness be damned. It’s just… Carlos had looked so ill that morning, skin ashen and voice all but gone, and it had taken a lot of convincing for TK to still go to his own shift. He’d insisted on making sure Carlos had all the blankets and water and snacks and anything else he could possibly want, but even so, he’s still uneasy.

His gut is telling him that something’s wrong, and TK doesn’t think he can ignore it for much longer.

*

when carlos falls ill, they think it's just a bad cold. but when tk goes to check on him, he's in for a nasty shock.

day twenty-six: slowly becoming lovers for @pragmaticoptimist34

Things don’t get fixed overnight. They agree to give them a shot, but that doesn’t change the fact that TK is still reeling from his break-up and overdose, nor that Carlos is still hesitant and afraid of pushing too hard at once.

But, slowly, they get to know each other. And, slowly, they start to fall in love.

*

tk and carlos, getting to know each other and falling in love

day twenty-seven: and curse the gods for @girlwhowasntthere

Jason knows what it is to be cursed.

day twenty-eight: ignoring every warning for @moviegeek03

TK is fine.

He is absolutely, 100% fine.

And, sure, maybe he’s not supposed to be at work right now, and maybe his hand hasn’t fully healed yet, but it’s nothing. His doctor cleared him to go back to work, which means it’s healed enough, and TK is certainly not going to admit defeat no matter how much he's hurting.

day twenty-nine: can you beat back the night? for @girlwhowasntthere

He misses the bard. Geralt won’t admit it, not even to Roach, but he misses him. After months—years—of Jaskier’s constant chatter and the sound of his lute, the silence, once valued above all else, is too much.

It’s been months since the dragon, since Geralt lost both Yennefer and Jaskier in one fell swoop. He’s cursed himself many times over for the words he said—to both of them—and cursed himself more for the mistakes he made to get in this position in the first place.

*

this is the lot of witchers, to be alone.

day thirty: ease my mind for @silvarafael

Briefly, Carlos considers calling TK and telling him about the accident. But… He only broke two of his fingers and it barely even classifies as a minor injury in his book, so there’s really no reason to bother his fiancé while he’s still on shift himself. He pockets his phone then looks around to figure out where the exit is.

Only, an all-too familiar laugh distracts him from his task, drawing his attention to the nurses station.

Where TK is standing, smiling as a nurse swats at him for stealing one of their lollipops.

Carlos is, beyond doubt, fucked.

day thirty-one: scars turn to memories for anon

Their front door is open. It’s wide open, and the wood of the door frame is broken, splinters littering the driveway and the floor of the front room. TK’s heart stops in his chest as he surveys the scene, his brain going blank, struggling to comprehend what he’s seeing.

Everything is quiet in the front room, not even a table setting out of place. TK creeps further into their home, his every nerve on edge as he barely breathes for fear of alerting whoever’s here of his presence.

And then, he remembers.

Carlos was off shift tonight. He was here. Alone.

[pumpkinpaix]

Hello! Feel free not to answer this question if it is in any way too much, but I've been wondering about something concerning the "western" mdzs fandom. Lately, i have seen multiple pieces of fanart that use what is clearly Christian symbolism and sometimes downright iconography in depicting the characters. I'm a european fan, but it still makes me vaguely uneasy. I know that these things are rarely easy to judge. I'm definitely not qualified to do so and was wondering if you have an opinion

Hi there! thank you for your patience and for the interesting question! I’ve been thinking about this since i received this ask because it?? idk, it’s difficult to answer, but it also touches on a a few things that I find really interesting.

the short answer: it’s complicated, and I also don’t know what I feel!

the longer answer:

i think that this question is particularly difficult to answer because of how deeply christianity is tied to the western art and literary canon. so much of what is considered great european art is christian art! If you just take a quick glance at wiki’s page on european art, you can see how inextricable christianity is, and how integral christian iconography has been in the history of european art. If you study western art history, you must study christian imagery and christian canon because it’s just impossible to engage with a lot of the work in a meaningful way without it. that’s just the reality of it.

Christianity, of course, also has a strong presence in european colonial and imperialist history and has been used as a tool of oppression against many peoples and nations, including China. I would be lying if I said I had a good relationship with Christianity--I have always faced it with a deep suspicion because I think it did some very, very real damage, not just to chinese people, but to many cultures and peoples around the world, and that’s not a trauma that can be easily brushed aside or reconciled with.

here is what is also true: my maternal grandmother was devoutly christian. my aunt is devoutly christian. my uncle’s family is devoutly christian. my favorite cousin is devoutly christian. when I attended my cousin’s wedding, he had both a traditional chinese ceremony (tea-serving, bride-fetching, ABSURDLY long reception), and also a christian ceremony in a church. christianity is a really important part of his life, just as it’s important to my uncle’s family, and as it was important to my grandmother. I don’t think it’s my right or place to label them as simply victims of a colonialist past--they’re real people with real agency and choice and beliefs. I think it would be disrespectful to act otherwise.

that doesn’t negate the harm that christianity has done--but it does complicate things. is it inherently a bad thing that they’re christian, due to the political history of the religion and their heritage? that’s... not a question I’m really interested in debating. the fact remains that they are christian, that they are chinese, and that they chose their religion.

so! now here we are with mdzs, a chinese piece of media that is clearly Not christian, but is quickly gaining popularity in euroamerican spaces. people are making fanart! people are making A LOT of fanart! and art is, by nature, intertextual. a lot of the most interesting art (imo) makes deliberate use of that! for example (cyan art nerdery time let’s go), Nikolai Ge’s What is Truth?

I love this painting! it’s notable for its unusual depiction of christ: shabby, unkempt, slouched, in shadow. if you look for other paintings of this scene, christ is usually dignified, elegant, beautiful, melancholy -- there’s something very humanizing and humbling about this depiction, specifically because of the way it contrasts the standard. it’s powerful because we as the audience are expected to be familiar with the iconography of this scene, the story behind it, and its place in the christian canon.

you can make similar comments about Gentileschi’s Judith vs Caravaggio’s, or Manet’s Olympia vs Ingres’ Grande Odalisque -- all of these paintings exist in relation to one another and also to the larger canon (i’m simplifying: you can’t just compare one to another directly in isolation etc etc.) Gauguin’s Jacob Wrestling the Angel is also especially interesting because of how its portrayal of its content contrasts to its predecessors!

or! because i’m really In It now, one of my favorite paintings in the world, Joan of Arc by Bastien-Lepage:

I just!!! gosh, idk, what’s most interesting to me in this painting is the way it seems to hover between movements: the hyperrealistic, neoclassical-esque take on the figure, but the impressionistic brushstrokes of the background AAA gosh i love it so much. it’s really beautiful if you ever get a chance to see it in person at the Met. i’m putting this here both because i personally just really like it and also as an example of how intertextuality isn’t just about content, but also about visual elements.

anyways, sorry most of this is 19thc, that was what i studied the most lol.

(a final note: if you want to read about a really interesting painting that sits in the midst of just a Lot of different works, check out the wiki page on Géricault’s Raft of the Medusa, specifically under “Interpretation and Legacy”)

this is all a really long-winded way of getting to this point: if you want to make allusory fanart of mdzs with regards to western art canon, you kind of have to go out of your way to avoid christian imagery/iconography, especially when that’s the lens through which a lot of really intensely emotional art was created. many of my favorite paintings are christian: Vrubel’s Demon, Seated, Perov’s Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, Ge’s Conscience, Judas, Bastien-Lepage’s Joan of Arc, as shown above. that’s not to say there ISN’T plenty of non-christian art -- but christian art is very prominent and impossible to ignore.

so here are a few pieces of fanwork that I’ve seen that are very clearly making allusions to christian imagery:

1. this beautiful pietà nielan by tinynarwhals on twitter

2. a lovely jiang yanli as our lady of tears by @satuwilhelmiina

3. my second gif in this set here, which I will also show below:

i’m only going to talk about mine in depth because well, i know exactly what i was thinking when I put this gif together while I can’t speak for anyone else.

first: the two lines of the song that I wanted to use for lan xichen were “baby, I’m a fighter//in the robes of a saint” because i felt that they fit him very well. of course, just the word “saint” evokes catholicism, even if it’s become so entwined in the english language that it’s taken on a secular meaning as well.

second: when I saw this scene, my immediate thought was just “PIETÀ!!” because LOOK at that composition! lan xichen’s lap! nie mingjue lying perpendicular to it! the light blue/white/silver of lan xichen in contrast to the darker robes of both nie mingjue and meng yao! not just that, but the very cool triangular structure of the image is intensely striking, and Yes, i Do love that it simultaneously ALSO evokes deposition of christ vibes. (baxia as the cross.... god..... is that not the Tightest Shit) does this make meng yao joseph of arimathea? does it make him john the evangelist? both options are equally interesting, I think when viewed in relation to his roles in the story: as a spy in qishan and as nmj’s deputy. maybe he’s both.

anyways, did I do this intentionally? yes, though a lot of it is happy accident/discovered after the fact since I’m relying on CQL to have provided the image. i wanted to draw attention to all of that by superimposing that line over that image! (to be clear: I didn’t expect it to all come through because like. that’s ridiculous. the layers you’d have to go through to get from “pretty lxc gifset” --> “if we cast nie mingjue as a christ figure, what is the interesting commentary we could do on meng yao by casting him as either joseph of arimathea or john the evangelist” are like. ok ur gonna need to work a little harder than slapping a song lyric over an image to achieve an effect like that.)

the point of this is: yes, it’s intentionally christian, yes I did this, yes I am casting these very much non-christian characters into christian roles for this specific visual work -- is this okay?

I obviously thought it was because I made it. but would I feel the same about a work that was written doing something similar? probably not. I think that would make me quite uncomfortable in most situations. but there’s something about visual art that makes it slightly different that I have trouble articulating -- something about how the visual often seeks to illustrate parallels or ideas, whereas writing characters as a different religion can fundamentally change who those characters are, the world they inhabit, etc. in a more... invasive?? way. that’s still not quite right, but I genuinely am not sure how to explain what i mean! I hope the general idea comes across. ><

something else to think about is like, what are pieces I find acceptable and why?

what makes the pieces above that reference christian imagery different than this stunning nieyao piece by @cyandemise after klimt’s kiss? (warnings for like, dead bodies and vague body horror) like i ADORE this piece (PLEASE click for fullview it’s worth it for the quality). it’s incredibly beautiful and evocative and very obviously references a piece of european art. I have no problem with it. why? because it isn’t explicitly christian? it’s still deeply entrenched in western canon. klimt certainly made other pieces that were explicit christian references.

another piece I’d like to invite you all to consider is this incredible naruto fanart of sakura and ino beheading sasuke after caravaggio’s judith. (warnings for beheading, blood, etc. you know.) i also adore this piece! i think it’s very good both technically and conceptually. the reference that it makes has a real power when viewed in relation to the roles of the characters in their original story -- seeing the women that sasuke fucked over and treated so disrespectfully collaborating in his demise Says Something. this is also!! an explicitly christian reference made with non-christian japanese characters. is this okay? does it evoke the same discomfort as seeing mdzs characters being drawn with christian iconography? why or why not?

the point is, I don’t think there’s a neat answer, but I do think there are a lot of interesting issues surrounding cultural erasure/hegemony that are raised by this question. i don’t think there are easy resolutions to any of them either, but I think that it’s a good opportunity to reexamine our own discomfort and try and see where it comes from. all emotions are valid but not all are justified etc. so I try to ask, is it fair? do i apply my criticisms and standards equally? why or why not? does it do real harm, or do i just not like it? what makes one work okay and another not?

i’ve felt that there’s a real danger with the kind of like, deep moral scrutiny of recent years in quashing interesting work in the name of fear. this morality tends to be expressed in black and white, good and bad dichotomies that i really do think stymies meaningful conversation and progress. you’ll often see angry takes that boil down to things like, “POC good, queer people good, white people bad, christianity bad” etc. without a serious critical examination of the actual issues at hand. I feel that these are extraordinarily harmful simplifications that can lead to an increased insularity that isn’t necessarily good for anyone. there’s a fine line between asking people to stay in their lane and cultural gatekeeping sometimes, and I think that it’s something we should be mindful of when we’re engaging in conversations about cultural erasure, appropriation etc.

PERHAPS IT IS OBVIOUS that I have no idea where that line falls LMAO since after all that rambling I have given you basically nothing. but! I hope that you found it interesting at least, and that it gives you a bit more material to think on while you figure out where you stand ahaha.

was this just an excuse to show off cool (fan)art i like? maybe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(ko-fi)

[starshiningsirius]

Lone fae (Yandere Malleus x reader)

To my favorite lonley dragon fae happy birthday!

Malleus had been told about a fae living in a town of humans for quite some time now. At first he had become angry seeing as he was King and someone would dare ally themselves with the enemy. He'd punish them himself. As if any traitor could stand against him and live was a mistake that'd cost them their lives. He told his advisor and guardian Lilia that'd he'd be back after dealing with said traitor.

Only to get to said town and notice a woman with pointy ears, beauty beyond belief, picking berries within the forest that surrounded the town. At first he kept his composure watching for a moment maybe a bit longer considering she acknowledged his presence.

"Ah, hello sir."

She didn't know who he was? That was surprising literally everyone whose anyone knew the Fae King and would tremble at the mention of his name. Yet this naive little fae knew nothing about who she spoke to. How cute.

'A fae in the village? How strange do they not know about our hatred towards humans?'

"Hello." He had his arms crossed and came out into the open.

She noticed the ears and instantly became curious.

"Our ears are similar." She murmured it under her breath, but Malleus still heard it. She noticed his horns too and realized that she must have been a bit different since she lacked them.

'So she hasn't met her own kind before?'

That was how their first encounter went. They chatted for a little while exchanging names as Malleus wanted to test if she knew him by that but got no reaction. Malleus watched her go back all the way to her house in secret of course. From high up in the air. As soon as he saw where she lived he went back home.

'This so called "traitor" would require a bit more inquiry.'

* * *

He decided to find out himself, her background by asking a different question to gain some information.

"Y/n do you have a family?"

"Hm? I have a little brother named Aiden at home but that's about it."

"What about your parents?"

"I can't recall when I was kid all I remember was waking up in an alley with Aiden crying in my arms. There was a- .... lot of blood about the place my dress that was once white had been stained. Anything before that isn't anything I probably want to remember considering that scene alone." She trembled for a second before continuing to pick herbs and berries from bushes. Malleus sided eyed her reaction feeling slight guilt towards it.

"I see, my apologies for bringing up troublesome memories." Malleus wasn't hard of hearing considering how she paused as if she didn't want to recall the gory scene. Yet still she smiled without much effort it was small but it did make him feel some what relieved.

"It's fine your the only person I've told. No one else talks to me in town and I'm not ready to tell Aiden yet with his innocence, I'd rather not taint. He's all I've got and I don't want to lose him."

* * *

He understood quite a bit now pertaining to their situation. He had to admit though, he had become fond of the female fae. Someone so innocent and docile couldn't be a traitor. Lilia saw that the situation was taking longer than expected and decided to accompany Malleus this go around.

He wanted to see for himself if Malleus was being fooled, though he doubted it. Not only that but for the sake of his own boredom in the castle and to satiate his own curiosity.

"Y/n this here, is a comrade of mine." Malleus stood next to his comrade, a short cheerful looking child with bright magenta stripes of hair under the black side. Two pointy ears stood on the side of his head too.

She was happy to say the least to know two new similar people to her at the very least. Today happened to be the day Malleus was going to meet Aiden. She didn't mind Lilia tagging along of course.

"Lilia Vanrouge, Ms. a pleasure." He looked rather young in her opinion but his voice signaled to not be fooled by his appearance. She shook hands with the male who brought a pleasant atmosphere with him.

* * *

"So your Malleus huh? My sister speaks very fondly of you sir. She's been talking about you for centuries!" The little boy exaggerated making Malleus's eyes widen and at first he felt an overwhelming amount of happiness with how he had made a good impression.

Both him and Lilia chuckled to themselves as the girl who had been in the same room blushed furiously from embarrassment. Taking her brother by the arm she glared at him.

"Aiden you know that isn't true, you asked where I had been and I answered." She strained her voice to try and put emphasis on her truth only to receive laughter from the boy.

Lilia came up to him patting his head with a smile.

"Fondly and centuries such large words for a child so young." Lilia had felt a slight connection to the energetic youngster. He thought it'd be fun to get to know him better.

"Sis is teaching me to read and write words from the dictionary! I'm very ingenious!" He was smug about the new words he was learning with a proud smile causing Lilia to laugh.

Malleus had a smile on his face small and affectionate but a few other thoughts came up to his mind upon thinking about the boys words. He looked toward his sister who was now in the kitchen making dinner.

"Aren't there schools about here he could go to?" His concern for the child was showing.

"There are but with his ears, I'd rather not take chances until his hair grows out, not to mention his abilities are still uncontrolled, and we're kinda barely keeping this house, so school isn't much of an option at the moment." She looked down chopping vegetables but was still focused. Until her brother spoke again.

"Look I can do magic!" He was so enthusiastic, but the dread look on his sister's face said it all.

"No! Don't you dare we can't hope to fix the ceiling!" She yelled but Lilia stopped her seeing as she yelled she covered her mouth in realization.

"Worry not my dear, let me see this young lad do magic. I'll make sure he doesn't damage anything." He was calm and collected which was shocked her but she let him do as he wished.

Aiden whose excitement had been on the rise at the thought of showing someone else raised his hand and emitted a large slew of green flames rising fast. Of course it actually shocked both Lilia and Malleus to see the color itself and how big the flames he conjured were.

Lilia had regained his composure for a split second and created some wind to dispell the flames before they could reach the ceiling and burn a hole. Malleus and Lilia looked at each other knowingly for a moment before Lilia showed a smile toward the young boy with his fangs gleaming in the light.

"I see the problem your letting out all of your mana at once young one, still your mind and channel the flow to ignite a single flame." He advised carefully with hand on Aiden's shoulder.

Malleus felt as if he was watching a younger version of himself seeing his guardian teach another. The young fae had followed Lilia's teachings to a tee and a small green flame became lit in front of him.

"Sister! Sister! Did you see I got it! I did it!" He was jumping up for joy at his achievement.

"Yes I see thank you Lilia. You thank him too Aiden." She was happy to say the least, it was as if good fortune was brought with them to have met these two.

"Thank you Lilia!"

"Your welcome dear child you can learn with me anytime. You have a lot of potential that shouldn't be wasted." That made his eyes light up in pure unadulterated excitement.

"Sister did you hear that!"

"I did." She was just relieved someone could teach him besides all her past failed attempts.

"So does that mean you can use magic too then?" Malleus had wandered closer to her without her knowledge it made her flinch. Seeing the anticipation of her answer in his eyes, she answered him.

"Yes though mine's is a bit more controlled. I can conjure wind and green flames. As well as levitate a multitude of things toward me at once but that's about it. I haven't had too much time to practice." She waved her hand with a slight glow and brought a couple of ingredients in cupboards down on to the counter letting them shut on their own again.

Holding put her hand she conjured a small green flame that wouldn't cause any damage over the palm of her hand.

"Seems like your well taught." Lilia mentioned.

"That's only because before we got this house we lived in the forest and magic made things a bit easier, but otherwise while we live here we don't have a use for it. Aiden still wants to learn but my teaching can only go so far as I don't know much on the subject." She looked somewhat frustrated at her own uselessness. Malleus could tell she wasn't lying about what she could do that's for sure.

* * *

After dinner both fae left the home walking out but saying goodbye to the siblings. At first they walked away from the house, but soon to prevent from being seen by any late night walkers they teleported to the castle.

"A pair of fae with royal blood is rare. I do wonder how the both of them ended up in that human village though." Lilia started off by saying.

Green flames were the insignia to regal blood for fae even Malleus knew that fact. Known to be the most powerful of all faes. Yet two were living in a human town right within the heart of the enemy and neither knew.

"Yes but from what I've been able to tell whoever had taken care of them is probably dead. Slaughtered by humans most likely. She said she wasn't able to remember anything before that. I'm assuming her and her brother come from some line thought to have been killed when the war against the humans started." Malleus recalled all he learned about her over the past few weeks he came to know her.

"Such a shame those two don't even know their own kind. Living their life in solitude as outcasts when they could be a lot more free if they lived here." Lilia did actually feel pity for the pair of souls having grown an attachment toward the younger sibling as he had taught Malleus when he was young as well. Those days were reminiscent for him. Aiden just happened to be similar to young Malleus in that regard.

"Malleus, if any humans discover royal fae over in that village they'll be killed. It's only a matter of when." He stated that matter of factly considering he was a general during the aforementioned war and many fae had been chased out of human villages. The ones left had been unfortunate to be victims that were sacrificed.

"I know, I won't let them lay a finger on either of them. Get Silver and Sebek have the staff prepare two rooms in the castle for our guests." Malleus walked away from Lilia without a second thought after saying what he wanted done.

"I was hoping you'd say that. Seems you've gotten attached to her in a different way. Ah, I'm so glad to see you chasing after someone, it feels like ages since you've been small so long ago. I'll have little Aiden to teach all the stuff I once taught you. What a joyous occasion to think someone will finally sit on the throne next to you." Lilia smiled feeling eager and chipper at the future ahead.

He went to go get the two knights that would always await orders from their master. Skipping down the halls all the while humming an unknown tune.

* * *

Something has been different with Malleus as of today. He was fiddling with his fingers a bit more often than usual. He didn't want to meet her gaze at the time either.

"Malleus is there something wrong?" Worry laced in her tone for the man sitting next to her.

"Yes." He replied rather swiftly but ended it there.

"Would you like to tell me what about?" She at least wanted to try and comfort him however she could.

That's what made her different than most fae, most feared him, she didn't of course she and that oblivious little head of hers didn't. Before she could even grasp how much power she could have held it was taken from her.

Malleus had turned his head and looked her directly in the eye.

"You."

"Me?" She was surprised and confused about what he meant by that, lowering her head for a second to think.

Of course it didn't last long, as Malleus directed her chin to gaze at him instead of the forest soil.

"Y/n, my alluring little darling, would you do me the honor of staying with me?"

He said with a gentle smile. The proximity and his words had her face red within seconds. She still had to give him a reply and sadly she didn't want to upset him but she didn't have much of a choice.

"I'm sorry Malleus I can't. This place is all I've ever known. Going somewhere else with all that could happen, ... It's not that I don't like you but my own fears are holding me back." She was trying to come up with the right words so he'd hopefully understand.

It stung, it truly did. The rejection wasn't something he hypothesized but it was still an option. It was fine though, all would be well. That sheltered mindset of hers would just have to broken a bit. She'd come to rely on him, she'd have no other choice afterall.

She hadn't experienced much of human cruelty, he'd just have to show her how cruel they could really be and then she would have to seek his aid.

* * *

Everyone in town today had been on edge it seemed. She left Aiden at home sound asleep, while she went out to go and buy veggies and meat she couldn't get in the forest. As she walked toward a thrifter many people side eyed her. She was the only person to walk with a hood on. In fact many people generations before this one too when asked had seen her.

As she got up to the vegetable thrifter the man in front of her had scowled. She saw this but just thought he was having a bad day. That's when someone came behind her and pulled her hood down abruptly.

"A fae! A fae in the village!"

"She's the one who cursed the crops! If we kill her the curse will end!"

"Someone grab her!"

Before she knew it she ran, someone did lay a hand on her but she pushed them away with wind magic. It wasn't on purpose, but fear overtook her person and magic required self control.

She wanted to run back to her house but with how fast the mob was chasing she couldn't put Aiden at risk like that. Maybe just maybe if she went back to the forest, he'd be there. He could help her, or Lilia either would do.

* * *

She didn't see him. Maybe her words struck a cord. She should have agreed. A stupid decision on her own part, he could've probably taken them somewhere where people like her were accepted. Where magic was used and no worries to be had.

She just narrowly dodged an arrow fired at her. It seemed the mob had caught up. Turning her attention back toward their screeches, what could she do?

In a last ditch effort attempt she called his name.

"Malleus!" The crowd closing in on her arrows knocked and aimed. So this was it huh?

Suddenly something slithers around her body, her waist to be more precise and holds her in a vice grip.

A tail? Of long reach with a purple scales of a dark pigment.

Before it pulled her into the darkness of the forest behind her. Until she felt a chest that placed her gently to the ground freeing her from the grip the of the tail that had once gripped her tightly.

She saw a light emitted from where she had once been, green flames took its place in her stead.

"I do hope you'll accept my offer to stay with me now, my love." Malleus's voice brought her out of her stupor, a frown seeing her in such fear. He didn't want to go so far but he would rather have liked her to willingly agree to living with him as his Queen. She wouldn't have any worries should she live her life on the throne worshipped by everyone.

"Wait! Wait! Please let me bring Aiden I can't leave my brother behind!" She had gripped his clothing turning around desperate tears spilling.

Speaking of said boy who popped his head from behind the fae that stood in front of her, smiled and ran to hug his sister.

"Y/n! Malleus let me up on his shoulders he was so tall! Wait why are you crying?" Her brother's happiness went away for a moment at the tears he saw from his older sibling.

She was shocked, since when had he been here. He was asleep before, she was sure. It didn't make any sense.

"Aiden how, ... why are you here?"

"Lilia offered to teach me more magic! He said it was dangerous to teach me inside the house so we came out here." For a second she thought it was a dream. A bad dream turned good.

"Were you worried? Sorry, I'll tell you next time I promise." Aiden hugged her after finishing his sentence trying comfort his sister from her state of fear. It worked a little having her shoulders relax.

Malleus had stroked her head to sooth her worries as well. A small smile graced his lips at the scene before him.

"Worry not my dear, I'll accept all parts of you. Of course I'd never forget your dear brother. Will you accept my proposal now?" He was awaiting an answer, the same look in his eyes akin to when he asked if she could use magic.

"Yes I do, it was my mistake for denying your offer in the first place. I'm sorry Malleus."

He was happy that the situation had caused her to regret her answer. Of course he didn't outwardly show it. But he was internally pleased. His new queen and energetic little brother would make a wonderful addition to the Draconian line.

As they disappeared instantly to where their new home would be, Malleus left behind some what one would call fireflies by the looks of it. They were just traces of his magic to other faes. It was a calling for someone else though.

The town the two faes once called home was being destroyed as soon as they left. Screams upon screams could be heard one after another. Flames of red and orange to destroy and have no one alive to recall the prescene of two royal clan faes.

All done by three, one wise fae, and two knights that served to do everything their master asked of them. It would all be gone while Malleus would help them settle into their new lives, the one they deserved from the beginning, if humans hadn't taken it from them.

Masterlist

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen [chapt. 6]

[Donnie x reader]

sfw, chapter 5 here

Come on, save it, save it, Donnie chanted to himself later that night, at home and tucked away in his room trying to figure out how to neutralize the situation. He paced along his bed back and forth, phone in hand as he wracked his brain thinking about how he'd get her to let it go. He could tell her that she was...overtired? Go the stereotypical route and say it was just her eyes playing tricks on her? Try to play it off as human teenagers messing around on the roof?

She'd gone to bed already. He hated that he couldn't pursue the subject until morning, her morning, but by then, he'd be tired. When she woke, he slept. But he needed to get it resolved as quickly as possible, so he reckoned it was time to pull an all nighter. Luckily, that wasn't anything he wasn't used to.

He figured he'd get the preliminaries out of the way so he could get right to it when she eventually texted back.

"Good morning

I know you're not awake yet but I figured I'd get an early start today.

I want to know, what exactly did you see last night?"

He shut his phone off and set it down on the bed, fingers rubbing his temples. Depending on her answer, this would either be difficult, or near impossible.

The rest of his time was spent just waiting around for her to finally wake up, dodging all his brothers and trying to occupy himself with something. He was fiddling with the radio he kept on the floor next to his bed when his phone notified him of a message. Turning the volume up, some old-school rock played softly. He didn't always keep music on when he worked, which was what he was doing felt like, but something needed to fill the silence. It also made it feel more casual to have the radio on, for both himself and for whoever might stop by his room.

"Good morning to you too

That was...sudden??"

How nice it was to read those words coming from someone who wasn't his family. Not that they said it like that often anyway, but the small gesture hit differently.

"I'm just really curious about what you said you saw."

Curious? Not quite. More like dying to know, and not because he fancied himself some cryptid hunting.

"That's fair I guess

But don't laugh, ok?"

"I'd never, [y/n]"

"Well

Okay

They were big

But no like not the overweight kinf, not even just 'tall guy' kind of big

kind*

You know?"

Yeah, I aware. I'm 6'8" and have a giant shell on my back.

"They?"

He was hoping she'd only seen one of them. Maybe it would have been easier, but, of course, that wasn't the case.

"I think there were two

Idk it just looked really weird, it was dark but the silhouette from the light made them look bulky, I don't know what it was"

Lips pursed tight, he looked up from his phone, and all of a sudden that music in the background was suffocating. He quickly reached over and shut it off. He needed to be able to divert all of his attention to one thing. Except, even though he should have been spazzing over her spotting them (even if just for a split second), a concern crept up in the back of his mind that made him scoff at himself. The need to know was too great.

His eyes fell on his scaled, three-fingered hand as he typed.

"Did it scare you?"

Perhaps it wasn't what he should have been focusing on. But he was. He knew she hadn't seen much, but what if she quipped that it was frightening, or gross, or…?

"I don't know, Bo

I guess it was kind of freaky

Uh, do you actually believe me? That I saw something?"

"'Freaky?'" he repeated to himself in a whisper, brow ridge furrowed. What was I expecting?

He had to shake himself of whatever was going on in his head at the moment, because there were more pressing matters at hand. Like what he was going to answer her question with. Theoretically, he could go two routes; one, invalidate the experience and try to walk on the line of telling her that it was not real without making her feel crazy. And then probably get mad at him. Or two, go along with it, if he didn't have the heart to do that to her. The answer was already here; he let out a deep sigh. Two, it is.

Nothing could make him want to make her feel that way, even if it meant he'd have to put in a little extra effort in fixing his mistake.

"I wouldn't doubt your judgement, [y/n]."

"Thanks

That makes me feel a lot better

You're a really good guy, Bo :)"

Freezing, he sat and stared at the screen before slowly taking the phone away from his face, lips moving, but no sound coming out. He had no idea what to say; all he could focus on was the fact that the girl he undeniably liked thought he was a good guy. And that, presumably, it meant she might have liked him as well. Big on the "might", he realized as the logical part of his mind took over once again. Regardless, he licked his lips and got to preparing a worthy response. He didn't want to come off as flustered as he felt. Donnie was aware he was not particularly suave—he took solace in the fact that she couldn't see his face or hear his voice. He contemplated on acting a bit more "cool guy" than he actually was, but wanted her to like him for him, not a facade. Which was a major contradiction to all that he had done up to that point, but the least he could do was be the person he was on the inside!

"You there?"

"Sorry, I got distracted…

You really think so?"

"That I think you're a great guy?"

"Well...yes."

"Totally. 100%"

His heart was going, he was stammering to himself, and a new feeling enveloped him. He was no stranger to the different emotions; he'd gotten familiar with many of them. Because though he didn't always show it, he had a lot of feelings. These, he felt most viscerally. But he had to get back on track. If he could push last night's incident under the rug, all would be well. More well than it already was, considering.

"Thank you, [y/n]

To be honest, I've never had a friend like you

So, do you want to talk more about what you saw? I know I'm switching tracks quickly, it's just very….interesting."

It was a jarring and awkward subject change, he knew that, but he desperately wanted to get it out of the way. The sooner, the better.

"I suppose

You seem pretty interested in it"

Maybe she wasn't hanging onto the experience like he'd thought she would. There were so many tales of people seeing inexplicable things and becoming enraptured by the experience that he guessed he should only expect the worst, but it appeared that she was not so obsessed. Crisis averted?

"Not too much, I was just wondering

We can forget about it."

"Oh, I'm not going to forget about it, Bo"

There it is, he thought, not surprised.

After thirty minutes of attempting to throw her off without coming off as suspicious himself, he had to take a breather, reorganize his mind. Only to come back and find that she had to go take care of things, and that she'd talk to him later. He'd done as much fixing as he could; at that point, it was as good as it was going to get. The thought of being looked for by his unknowing friend loomed about in the coming weeks as they did their patrols, when they would pass by her residence, and the times that he snuck off to stop by himself. Sometimes accompanied by Mikey, but he tried to keep it as solitary as possible. Soon, watching her on her balcony from that roof became part of his routine. He vaguely thought sometimes that watching her like that could be considered creepy, but that ship had already sailed.

For the third time in the last month he was there yet again, on the same roof, watching the same balcony, watching the same girl. Sometimes they texted, sometimes they didn't. The times he wasn't talking to her as he sat there were the times he daringly crossed the threshold onto the fire escape. There were only a few instances of that. But did he still feel out of his mind doing so? Yes. The window only looked into part of the living room and kitchen, but he felt scandalous to do it. Most of his time there was spent only with his shell against the wall next to the window, just out of sight. He could always hear her faint but noticeable footsteps coming and could easily vault the railing and climb up or drop down. She couldn't get past his keen hearing unless she knew to tread lightly.

Mikey was with him once again, this time out to look for scrap rather than patrol. He'd been buddied up with his younger brother more often ever since their talk that night in Donnie's room. They only stopped by because they were already out and had a viable excuse.

"Does she know about us? Like, me, Leo, Raph..." rambled Mikey, curious, as he practiced one of his new moves with his skateboard. He kicked up onto the ledge of the roof and skidded before hopping off, tucking the board under his arm. "You guys have been together like, what, two months? And she doesn't even know your name."

Fiddling with the strap reaching around his shoulder, Donnie replied matter-of-factly to hide the embarrassment that was ailing him at the thought, "Okay, for starters, we're not 'together'. And secondly, she hasn't mentioned voice chatting in a while."

"And?" He got back on his board, zooming by Donnie.

"My name? It just hasn't come up," Donnie shrugged.

"Call her, then!" Mikey smiled, still preoccupied with his board and trying out his new tricks. Donnie gave a light scoff and shook his head. His brother passed behind him where he sat leaned against the water tower.

"I don't want to just call her out of nowhere, Mikey, she might be asleep."

He also didn't want his brother there when he did.

"You gotta not be so shy!...oh, look, in the window. Right there. See? She's up," he quipped with a small smirk. The curtain was drawn, but the light had turned on at some point, and they could see her silhouette moving past. Donnie looked over his shoulder to say something but felt a hand slip into his pocket on the other side, stealing his phone right off of him. He was fast, but Mikey was faster in jumping into his board and gliding all the way to the other side of the roof with the fussy turtle hot on his trail.

"Mikey, quit it!" Donnie barked, lunging toward him for the phone.

"You'll thank me later!"

The two wrestled for the phone, Mikey holding it just out of reach as he tried to navigate the screen without dropping it.

"Come on," grunted Donnie as the tussle led them near the edge, where Mikey held it precariously over the alley below. His glasses were jostled off his face when a stray hand bumped them, causing them to fall amongst their feet. Squinting, he partially knelt down and searched for the pair while still looking at his brother and his phone, trying to stretch his arm long enough to snatch it. "Really?" he groaned, "just give me the phone!"

Donnie slung out his staff and used the other end to whack his wrist from underneath just as he pulled away from the edge, losing his grip on the phone. Mikey tried to catch it but it bounced off his hand, going right over the side of the roof and plummeting down into the alley.

Mikey froze. Donnie finally found his glasses.

Laughing nervously, Mikey turned back to him, "Whoops…"

When he didn't immediately find the phone on the ground, Donnie knew what happened. He looked over the edge, and there it was, sitting on the pavement in the alleyway. The building wasn't incredibly tall, but enough to do some major damage. He'd have to switch for one of his spares if he didn't want to deal with a busted-up screen.

"I don't need your 'help', Mikey, so leave it alone next time," Donnie said and gave him a narrow-eyed look, huffing as he leaped down to retrieve it.

Mikey may have been insistent, but he knew then it was time to stop. All he wanted to do was help. For his shy, flakey brother to come out of his shell (no pun intended). Donnie, at that time, had the biggest shot out of all of them for something unique and good. He hadn't yet worked out the logistics of how to bridge the gap between the two, but it was a calling of his to help him along.

Donnie watched for people from behind a corner before creeping out to get the phone, which was face down on the concrete. No doubt cracked to all hell if not completely shattered, though it did have a case.

But as he got closer, he heard a voice. From the phone.

He picked up the phone timidly and shot a glance up at the roof, where Mikey was peeking over the edge in apprehension. Without a word, Donnie activated the taser in his staff, pointing it at his brother and zapping it briefly. He flinched and retreated out of sight.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Bo?" she asked again, tone riddled with confusion. "What was that?"

"Uh, yes—hol—hold on, please," stammered out donnie, flying around the corner and pressing flat against the wall as a group of laughing people passed by the alley. "Just one second," he said nervously. Above him, Mikey was rapidly motioning for him to get up there, eyes wide and body trying to stay low. Baffled, Donnie gestured back at him, mouthing at him to keep his pants on for one more minute while he made his way up.

"Hey, what's going on there?" she inquired, concerned.

A street cat abruptly skittered out from between his legs from the dumpster he stood next to, and he had to stifle a startled yelp. He hopped up onto the nearest fire escape, trying to control his breathing. "Hey, hello…[y/n]," he half-chuckled, distracted by working up the building one-armed as he kept as quiet as possible.

"What was all that? And who's 'Mikey'?"

There was suddenly a shout—Mikey's shout—and his stomach did a jump. He sputtered as fast as he could, "I'm sorry [y/n] but this really isn't a good time, and I mean it really isn't," he pulled himself up onto the roof, and there was Mikey, fending off men clad in black, "so I have to go, but—"

"Don, dude! I need help over here!" cried his brother, sliding out of the way as a sword was jabbed towards him. He countered with a harsh uppercut to the man's chin, sending him stumbling backwards. The blade fell to the concrete with a clank.

"'Don'? Bo, what the hell?! Who is with you? And—"

Donnie jumped into the battle, a mix of nine or ten armed men with swords other weapons, and Mikey trying to stave them off, swinging his chucks with nothing short of reckless abandon. But he still didn't hit himself with them.

Ending the call, he secured the phone in his pocket. He wailed the guy closest to him in the side of the head with the heavy staff, then kicked him in the chest. The man fell to the blow, and Mikey ducked underneath the length of Donnie's weapon just in time as the two came together. Stray bullets flew past them, some colliding with their shells as they spun around for protection.

"How was it?!" Mikey yelled over the clamor, breathless. Donnie sidestepped from the rapid hit he sent towards the human to his left.

"What are you talking about?!" Donnie loudly questioned, flummoxed of what could have been going on in his brain during a fight. "We're kind of in the middle of something here!"

"Your phone call!"

"Yeah, the hell's the talkin' about, Don?" a gruff voice cut through the jumble.

Both of the boys whirled around to see their older brothers there, weapons drawn.

"Oh, right. As soon as I saw those bad guys coming, I let them know," said Mikey casually to Donnie, throwing his fist into the face of the man coming up behind him. "You know, standard biz."

With the rest of the team there, the fight was over twice as fast. Some groaning in pain and some unconscious bodies littering the area, along with their weapons. Leo finished the last one and sheathed his swords, eyes on their tallest brother while Raph kept watch around them. Donnie swallowed as Leo approached him.

"Don, you said you were going out for scrap metal," Leo stated.

In the background, Mikey grabbed his skateboard and was going to try to kickflip over one of the knocked out guys, but Raph yanked the board from him, growling. He checked all of the men to make sure they were down and would stay down.

"We were...just on our way back?" Donnie answered. Nearby, there was a small pile of scrap he'd collected, though definitely not enough to justify being out that long.

"So you stopped at your friend's place?" Leo deadpanned, crossing his arms. "Didn't you think that this could get her in trouble, too? Her apartment's right there, dude!"

Mikey budded in and corrected him, "Ah, we stopped by [y/n]'s. And nah! It's all good."

Donnie's face twitched. "Of course I thought about it! That's why I've only come here three times since, and only thirty minute intervals!" he bit back, throwing his hands up. The rest of his brothers all looked at him and his specificity. "I'm not naive, Leo."

The leader pushed past the both of them, signalling that it was time to leave, and they followed. Not before Donnie got what little metal he had collected and put away his staff, tucking the stuff under his arm. Raph joined alongside Donnie as they ran. "What's with all the secret' stuff, Don? First, ya hide it to begin with, then, ya make out like you were done, and now you get jumped by Foot guys by her place when you shoulda been gettin' scrap!" he said. "How were we supposed to cover for ya if you're lyin' even after we let you off?"

"Technically, I did get some!" Donnie remarked. He held up a piece of the scrap for him to see, and Raph snorted. "But..."

Well, his question would be a little harder to answer.

Next block was the nearest manhole, where each turtle swiftly jumped in, knowing by heart (and years of wandering) most of the sewers and the way back home. In some tunnels was Mikey's telltale graffiti, but it was scattered throughout the place enough to not be a giant arrow to their hideout. In the last portion of the run was the tunnel they always slid down, and once they were actually home, Donnie knew what was coming. Master Splinter was already waiting for them by the time they arrived.

"Uh-oh," Mikey said upon seeing him, sinking behind his brothers. Raph pushed him back up front.

Dropping the scrap in his arms, Donnie squeaked, "That's not good." He quietly cursed how high pitched his voice became when he was nervous.

"Yeah…" Leo cleared his throat, looking down at his hands clasped in front of him. The situation had an awkward tension for everyone in it, save for Raph, who was immune to it by then and Splinter himself. "We took care of the soldiers," he added more seriously. "Got out of there before too much attention was drawn.

"The police may be able to handle them from here, but it will not make a dent in the Shredder's forces," explained Splinter, grave as he paced along the line of brothers. "He owns the city. Until I say so, there will be no venturing to the surface. You are all lucky to be unharmed."

"That ain't it," Raph piped up. "But they'll be bringin' the big guns, next time."

"Oh, I am well aware."

"Um...of which thing?" the nervous turtle questioned, exchanging glances to Raph and then Mikey.

Splinter raised his brows knowingly, and that was all it took for Donnie. The floodgates of his signature anxious chatter opened. He grabbed the edge of Mikey's shell and pulled him over into the spotlight with him, "I met someone over an online game and we started texting after a few weeks, and—and Leo found out and I said I would stop, but we never told you," he gestured toward their brother in blue, who refused to make eye contact, "so I told her that it was through and then Mikey somehow convinced me to go back on it," he sucked in a breath, and Mikey grinned uncomfortably, "and then we started talking again and I don't know why, but I went back there to her apartment building and it was just…stupid."

There was a cumbrous pause. Donnie was stiff as a board, Mikey couldn't look at any one thing too long, Leo stood in his polite but awkward stance, and Raph started to whistle.

As poised as ever, Splinter spoke. "I know."

All four pairs of eyes shot to their father.

"What?"

"Uh..."

"Huh?"

"Wait."

They expressed their collective confusion at the same time, and Splinter chuckled. Donnie wanted nothing more than to be able to retreat into his shell, but that was physically impossible. "Nothing gets past me, especially not you and your nervous habits, Donatello. You are scratching that spot on your neck again, son."

Flinching, Donnie pulled his hand away. He'd be damned; Splinter was right.

But unbeknownst to them, there had been spectator of their fight on the roof that night.

————————————————————————————————

shh do not think too deeply about this my children

a/n: haha plot device go brrrr

i need to finish this cursed fanfiction

[helloalycia]

worth the wait [three] // daisy johnson

summary: when you're out chasing a story that leads you to the unanticipated hands of HYDRA, you certainly don't expect to be rescued by a girl you presumed dead for nine years.

warning/s: descriptions of violence, torture, injuries.

author’s note: here’s the next part, hope you all like it!

part one | part two | part four | part five | part six | masterlist | wattpad

Nine years later...

"I'm meeting with my contact now. He said he knows something about the weapons."

"Okay, just make sure you're safe, Y/N."

I smiled with amusement. "I always am, Taylor. I think this could be the source to break the story though. I'm gonna try and get them to speak on the record."

"Just be careful," he warned.

"Will do," I promised, before checking my watch for the time. "Okay, I gotta go. See ya."

"Good luck," he finished, and I hung up before putting my phone away.

Looking around, I saw the village was quiet seeing as it was pretty late and everyone was in their homes. It was the perfect place to meet with a source for my story on human trafficking.

I headed down the street and waited outside the apartment building for my source. I had no idea what he looked like, but nobody else would be out this late into the night, so he couldn't be hard to spot.

A few minutes passed before I saw a guy approaching me, holding some files in his hands. I straightened up and held his gaze as he stopped before me. He glanced around before looking me up and down.

"You are Y/N?" he asked with a Burmese accent.

I nodded, speaking fluent Burmese as I said, "Yes. You must be Ohnmar? We can speak Burmese if you prefer."

"Okay. We talked earlier, but it wasn't safe then. I have information on the missing residents," he answered in Burmese, before shaking the files. "It's all in here, but you mustn't open it until you get home."

I accepted the files and nodded, though was mildly confused. "Is it about the labour they're doing? I have a theory, but I have no proof. I... I think it might be HYDRA."

He pursed his lips and I figured he was confirming my thoughts, which concerned me.

"I'm right," I realised, before moving to open the file. "I need to–"

"You should've stayed away," he suddenly said in English, and I looked up in confusion.

Before I could question him, he pulled a gun from behind him and hit me on the head, knocking me to the ground. I tried to blink my eyes open, but my vision was blurred and I eventually blacked out, unable to stay awake any longer.

I woke up in a dark room with an aching head and confused mind. It took a moment for me to catch myself up, but I soon realised I'd been tricked by my contact. I was so easily fooled and I felt stupid as I hadn't seen it coming, instead too blindsided by my need for information.

Looking around, I realised I was tied to a chair. The only light in the room was from a single electric lamp plugged in the corner, shedding light on the damaged walls and, to my dismay, a HYRDA logo.

"Well, fuck," I mumbled, before shaking my wrists to try and get free, but they were tied pretty tightly with rope, making me shift uncomfortably at the chafing.

Panic started to set in when the door slammed open in front of me, flooding the room with light and making me close my eyes with discomfort. I heard another slam and opened my eyes when I saw the door closed behind whoever entered.

Two people were in the room and one of them turned the lamp, shining it in my direction and also revealing my assailants' faces. One of them was Ohnmar, my contact, which I guess wasn't his real name. The other wasn't anybody I recognised, and they were both wearing uniforms with the HYDRA logo on the pocket.

"I wouldn't try to escape if I were you," the fake Ohnmar said.

I clicked my tongue and looked between the both of them. "I'm guessing I got a little too close to the truth which is why I'm here. Right?"

"You've been putting your nose in where it doesn't belong," the other guy said. "Did you really think you would get away with this? That we'd let you write about this?!"

I flinched at his loud volume before clearing my throat. "I didn't think I needed your permission. And in case you didn't notice, it's my job to report on this."

Fake Ohnmar scoffed. "We don't care what your job is. Now tell us what you know and what you've told your superiors back home."

I narrowed my eyes. "Do you really think this is the first time I've been captured? I've spent nine months in this village. If you think I'm going to throw that away for you, you better think again."

Fake Ohnmar's friend cracked his neck, pacing with discomfort, before pulling out a gun. I chewed on the inside of my mouth, nerves settling as I tried not to show it.

"We have someone going through your electronics as we speak," he told me, gripping his gun. "Your superiors will get their updates as expected, but you won't be giving them."

"Look, you're gonna kill me whether I tell you or no–"

I was cut off when he smacked me across the face with his gun, making me see stars momentarily. I felt something warm gush from my nose and realised I was bleeding.

"You have no idea who you're dealing with," he muttered, his face inches from my face as he stared me down threateningly. "Now tell us what you know of the missing villagers."

I wiped my nose on my shirt the best I could and chose not to speak. They couldn't do much without knowing what I knew. Everything I'd learnt had been sent back home to the news organisation I worked for, and if I didn't get back to them or call them, they'd know what happened.

"Two things I despise," he mumbled with irritation. "Journalists and Americans." He waved to his friend dismissively. "She won't talk. You know what to do."

Fake Ohnmar nodded obediently before suddenly punching me in the face, once again, leaving me dazed. This went on for a while, him beating me up as an attempt at torture, before the two of them left me alone to 'think about' if I wanted to tell them.

I had been in this situation, surprisingly, two times before in my journalistic career. Both times I was able to get out either by escaping myself or managing to get found by the authorities. Of course, in this case, the latter seemed impossible, so my only hope was escaping myself.

I looked around, but realised I was in too much pain to hatch a plan right now. They'd done a good job on me, and I was sure my ribs were bruised pretty badly. Honestly, I didn't expect nine months of investigative journalism in Myanmar to lead to HYDRA of all places.

—

"You've beat me, starved me..." I coughed because of how dry my throat was. "I'm not talking."

Fake Ohnmar placed something rectangular on the table in front of me. I realised it was my laptop – they must have taken it from where I'd left it in the room I'd been renting downtown.

"You're clever, I'll give you that," he said, crossing his arms and shaking his gun impatiently. "Where did you learn such complicated encryptions?"

I couldn't help but smile when I knew he couldn't get into my laptop. At least not the parts that exposed what I'd learnt so far.

"You do what I do and you learn from past mistakes," I told him, making him clench his jaw.

It wasn't much, probably the only trick in the book I knew as I wasn't exactly an expert with computers. Clearly it was benefiting me today though.

He slammed his hand on the table suddenly, making me jump. "Tell me the password, now!"

I licked my dry lips, choosing to stay quiet. I began to wonder just how advanced these guys were if they couldn't even afford to get a hacker to break through.

"So it's gonna be like that," he said with a shrug, before pointing his gun at my face.

He flicked off the safety and I closed my eyes as calmly as I could, already saying my goodbyes in my head. A few days in a HYDRA cell was like weeks anywhere else. I'd accepted my fate.

I expected the shot to go off any minute now, wondering what things would be like afterwards. Would it hurt? Would it be an instant death?

I certainly didn't expect my left ear to be ringing as an excruciating pain shot up my neck from my shoulder. My eyes opened and I tried to breathe through the pain whilst hoping my ear would stop ringing. The man began to laugh, but I couldn't hear him, only see his evil smile.

When I looked down, I saw blood seeping from a bullet wound in my left shoulder. Despite my experience in this profession, I can't say I'd ever been shot before. It certainly hurt a lot more than I'd imagined.

"You talk and I get you patched up," he said when my hearing returned to normal. I looked up and saw him watching me with narrowed eyes. "You stay quiet and we see how long it takes for you to bleed out."

I swallowed hard, squeezing my eyes shut to contain the pain, before opening them again.

"You're gonna move operations," I realised aloud. "You want to know whether you can. Because if I've told them about you, you know you can't stay here much longer. And if I haven't, you just get rid of me."

He squeezed his gun with irritation, watching as I spoke the truth.

"But either way I die," I repeated. "So why the hell would I want the last thing I do be to help you?"

He grabbed the laptop before kicking the table away with anger. "Call when you feel like talking. We can make your death quick and painless or long and painful."

I smiled bitterly as I watched him leave the room, slamming the door behind him. I released a deep breath as I looked down at my shoulder, trying to make out the damage. I didn't know much about first aid, but I was pretty sure there was no exit wound meaning the bullet was still in there. That was good, right? Or wasn't it...? I couldn't remember. I just knew it hurt like hell.

—

Hours had passed and I began to hallucinate. Silly things like cheeseburgers and dancing water bottles – lack of food and drink, the blood loss and the heat was making my head spin. I wasn't sure if this was where I wanted to die – in a small, dirty, hot room by myself. Was it worth it? Dying over a news story?

Of course it was. I pursued this story after some social media posts about disappearing villagers in Myanmar. I stayed here nine months with each day leading me closer and closer to the supposed human trafficking that was going on. I got to where I was because I wanted to get justice for those who suffered and stop anyone else from suffering. Yet the only people who knew were my editors back home, and I wasn't sure they'd ever know the full truth.

It was better than helping the enemy though.

Just when I thought cheeseburgers were the worst of my delusions, I saw a face I hadn't thought about in a long time. A person who I least expected my mind to drag up in a time like this.

The door opened and I was sure I was going to be questioned again, but in ran none other than Skye. The same Skye who had ran away all those years ago and wasn't to be found.

She looked a little older with her shorter hair, but otherwise she was just as I remembered.

"Hey, I'm gonna get you out of h– Y/N?" she started, before furrowing her eyebrows with confusion.

She even sounded the same, and if I could feel anything at that moment, I'm sure I would've felt my heart beating quickly at the sight of her.

"Can you hear me?"

I began to laugh with what little energy I had left. Is this what it was like to die? Seeing things that you'd pushed down for so long to stop your heart from hurting? It was strange. Why was my mind playing with me like this?

"Y/N, look at me, can you hear me?!" she asked quickly, grabbing my face and forcing me to meet her eyes.

I continued to laugh because it all felt so real. Her touch, her voice, her eyes that peered into me. I wished it was because maybe after all of these years I could have made things right.

—

"Miss, can you hear me? Y/N?"

I blinked the tiredness from my eyes and opened them, trying to remember what was happening. But I was confused and my body was numb and nothing made sense.

"Y/N, sweetie, can you hear me?"

I turned my head, realising I was laying in a bed. There was a woman beside my bed – a doctor, I presumed – staring down at me with a friendly smile on her face. I nodded slowly, my mouth dry.

I couldn't remember getting out of that cell, being rescued. Unless I wasn't rescued and this was still a trap.

At this thought, I widened my eyes and tried to move, panic setting in, but I was attached to a bunch of tubes and my body was still numb.

"Hey, it's okay, you're okay," the doctor tried to reassure, resting her hands on my arm, trying to keep me still. "You're safe here. You're on a S.H.I.E.L.D. quinjet. That's like a plane...? We got you out of that HYDRA cell and I've bandaged your wounds. You don't need to be afraid anymore."

I wasn't sure whether to believe her, but something about the way she spoke and the kindness in her eyes made me relax.

"My name is Agent Simmons," she introduced as she grabbed something from beside me, "but you can call me Jemma."

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. On cue, she held a glass of water towards me and helped me sit up enough to have some from the straw. It felt good to have actual water in my system after not being given anything the past two days.

"Not too quickly," she said gently. "Take your time."

I listened to her before laying back down. It took a few tries, but I managed to get out, "Thank you, Jemma. I'm Y/N."

"Y/N Y/L/N, investigative journalist for the New York Times," she stated before an apologetic expression crossed her face. "Sorry. Facial recognition an' all... I hope that doesn't freak you out."

I sighed, not the slightest bit surprised. I knew enough about S.H.I.E.L.D. to know they had the resources to know exactly who I was.

"I don't remember you getting me," I said with confusion. "How did you I know I was there?"

Jemma took a seat on the stool beside my bed. "Well, technically it was Quake who got you out. We had reports of HYDRA activity in that area for a while and we knew an American journalist had been taken, but we didn't know it was you."

I nodded, though I was still confused. "Who's Quake?"

Jemma chuckled, thinking I was joking. But when I met her eyes with confused ones, she lost her smile.

"You're serious? You don't know who Quake is?"

I shook my head. "I've been in Myanmar for nine months, and not in the most advanced areas. I haven't had much access to American news."

"Seriously?" she asked with disbelief, before putting her arms out and shaking them. "Earthquake-causing, vibration-manipulating, tremor-shaking superhero Quake?"

I raised an eyebrow judgementally, making Jemma lower her arms sheepishly.

"Oh, well, she's a hero that works for S.H.I.E.L.D.," she explained.

I nodded slowly, deciding that was something to ask more about later on. For now, I was more concerned about my story.

"You said S.H.I.E.L.D. had been watching that area for a while," I recalled. "Does that mean you found out what happened to the missing villagers? I got as far as working out HYDRA had been using them for some sort of forced labour, but never beyond that."

Jemma got up from her stool and busied herself with other things. "I, er, that's actually classified...? You see, it's not good if we tell you, especially as you're a journalist..."

"But it's my story," I countered with annoyance. "I've been trying to work this out for almost a year. I deserve to know the outcome. Did you save those villagers? Were they all alive? Did the local authorities know?"

Jemma seemed to be getting uncomfortable the more questions I asked and I forced myself to sit up, groaning at the ache in my shoulder.

"You can't hide this from me," I told her. "Please, just tell me."

She grimaced. "It's not my place. I'm not in charge–"

"Then tell me who is!" I shouted with frustration, before taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I just– I've put a lot of work into this and it can't just be taken away. I need to know what happened."

She nodded, avoiding my eyes for fear I'd get angry again. "Look, I can talk to my superiors and find out what I can say. For now, you should really be resting."

I leaned back and breathed out slowly, already feeling my fatigue catching up to me.

"Okay," I said quietly, before asking, "You said we were on a plane. Where are we going?"

"That's actually classified as well," she said regretfully, making me sigh. "We're going to our headquarters. But after that, we'll be taking you home or wherever you want us to take you."

At the mention of home, I grew hopeful. It had been so long since I'd been back. I wasn't exactly in the right state to be living by myself, so I was glad that I had made the choice to leave my flat and move in with my parents before leaving for Myanmar. Plus, I had missed them dearly. To be back there was almost unimaginable.

"Can I ring my parents?" I asked hopefully. "Just to let them know I'm okay? And that I'm coming soon?"

Jemma nodded, offering a small smile. "Of course, Y/N. I'll go grab you a phone."

She left the room momentarily and I took that as my chance to get a good look around. It looked like a hospital room you'd find anywhere, except without windows and with card-activated doors that had tiny glass windows showing a narrow hallway. I didn't get to look around for too long as Jemma returned pretty quickly, handing me (what looked like) a normal mobile phone.

"I'll give you a moment of privacy, but please only call your parents," Jemma warned as politely as she could.

I cracked a small smile. "What – are you guys tracking the phone or something?"

She chewed on her lower lip as she looked down, making my smile fade as I realised that's exactly what they were doing. I wasn't surprised, I guess.

"Right, okay, no other calls, got it," I agreed with a nod.

She left me to it as I dialled my mum's mobile number and eventually spoke to both her and my dad. It was emotional to say the least, as I tried not to worry them too much without withholding the truth. They knew when I was lying so it was better to just be honest. Of course, they were happy to have me stay at theirs until I was back on my feet and the call ended with my mum scolding me for not resting as the doctor recommended.

Finally succumbing to the tiredness I was feeling, I fell asleep for God knows how long, but when I woke up, I felt more refreshed. Similar to before, Jemma was in the room, checking some charts. She caught my eye when I woke up and smiled reassuringly.

"Feeling better?" she asked, setting down the chart and rounding the bed.

I nodded. "Yeah, thanks... how long was I asleep for?"

"About six hours," she guessed, waving her hand. "We've landed at S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ and our agents are debriefing. Once everything is sorted here, we can take you home to New York and arrange a driver to take you to wherever you want."

"My parents' house," I clarified.

She smiled and nodded. "Right. Your parents' house. How are you feeling?"

I tried to sit up and she helped me as I smiled gratefully in return.

"I'm not gonna lie, being shot hurts like a bitch," I admitted, grimacing as I glanced at my shoulder and arm in a sling.

"First time?"

"And hopefully the last," I retorted, before looking to her. "How long will this take to, y'know, get better?"

"Well, I'll need to keep you here for observation over the next few days," she explained. "When I'm happy with the outcome, I'll send you home and you'll need fortnightly checkups at the hospital. Overall I'd say a month? Maybe more if there's no... er... other issues."

"I know you mean PTSD," I told her bluntly, before frowning. "Doing what I do requires knowledge of that."

"There's going to be support available for you, both here and back home," Jemma reassured, resting a hand on mine and offering a small smile. "You're not alone, Y/N."

I nodded, clearing my throat. "I know... I know. Thanks."

She nodded and moved to the other side of the room to grab something, before wheeling a tray of food over to me.

"Hope you're hungry," she joked. "It's nothing fancy, but it's pretty good."

I smiled and accepted the food. "Means a lot, thanks."

I took a bite out of my sandwich as I remembered something. When I finished chewing, I wiped my face with the napkin before looking to Jemma who was at her desk.

"Er, Jemma," I called, making her look up. "Did you find out what happened to the villagers?"

She pursed her lips and nodded. "I've spoken to my superiors. I know you've been working on this and I'm only permitted to tell you so much."

I waited patiently, not wanting to snap at her like last time.

"The missing villagers were in fact taken by HYDRA, like you predicted," she explained. "They were forced into labour at a facility that was under the guise of a food warehouse."

"What was the labour?" I asked curiously.

She ran a hand through her hair. "I can't tell you much, but I can say that it was a nuclear weapon that could've hurt a lot of people. S.H.I.E.L.D. managed to stop it before they could finish it, which is when we found out that a journalist had been taken. That was when we came for you."

I released a deep breath, definitely not expecting that. At least they had been stopped.

"Did the missing people return to their families? Were they okay?" I asked hesitantly, remembering the many families I spoke to of the missing. I'd grown attached and I don't think I could have taken more bad news.

"Most of them, yes!" she exclaimed hopefully, but I could tell the following news wouldn't be good. "But not all of them were okay. There's some psychological damage and unfortunately physical damage, too. HYDRA did a number on them."

I massaged my head with my right hand, trying not to get upset, but the guilt in the pit of my stomach wasn't helping. I had one job, literally, and I couldn't even do it right.

"Y/N–"

"Do you have a list?" I asked, cutting her off. "A list of who made it?"

"Y/N, I don't think–"

"Please," I pleaded. "I spoke to the families of those who were missing. I got to know them. I need to know who's not getting their loved ones back."

She frowned, but nodded slowly. "I'm sure I can do something."

I sighed and my shoulders sunk with disappointment. Just another day on the job.

—

It had been a few days since being rescued by S.H.I.E.L.D. and I was itching to get home, but Jemma insisted I be observed for at least another day.

Under different circumstances, I would have been eager to explore the quinjet and get more information out of Jemma about her place of work, but I was too exhausted to care. Instead, I revelled in being taken care of and having a break from work.

I was laying in bed, reading a book, when Jemma walked in and caught my attention. I tried not to bother her as she was clearly working on other stuff, but it got pretty boring sitting in a room by yourself all day.

"Hey," I greeted with a smile, lowering my book.

"Hello," she returned as she took a seat at her desk, going on her computer. "You doing alright?"

"As alright as I can be, considering," I said, shrugging with my right shoulder. "Just a bit bored."

"The book not good?" she asked, nodding to my hand.

"I've read it," I admitted. "I just didn't wanna be a bother and ask for another one."

She chuckled. "You could have said something."

"It's okay," I assured her, before leaning back. "So, up to anything fun?"

She gave me a knowing look. "Are you seriously that bored?"

I nodded, pursing my lips, making her laugh. Eventually, she stared at me curiously.

"There's actually something I wanted to ask you," she admitted, crossing her arms and leaning back on her chair. "If you don't mind."

Wanting any distraction from my boredom, I nodded. "Go for it. I'm all ears."

"I've been reading some of your work," she shared. "You're really talented and you've been through your fair share of tough scrapes."

I chuckled. "I guess, yeah. And thank you. What's the question exactly?"

She looked at me like it was obvious. "What made you want to do this as a job? Investigative journalism?"

I played with the corner of the book as I answered thoughtfully, "Well, I guess I've always enjoyed writing and delving deep into stuff. The important stuff, y'know?" I looked down at my hands as I remembered Skye. "There was actually this girl I knew back in school. She was a friend and she, er... she was always wanting to find and expose truths. About herself, the world... I guess she kind of influenced me in a way."

I chewed on the inside of my mouth as I remembered my hallucination. Skye seemed to be coming up a lot more in my life lately, more than I was prepared for.

"I'm guessing she isn't with you anymore," Jemma realised, expression softening. "I'm sorry."

I forced a small smile, looking up and shaking my head reassuringly. "It's okay, it doesn't matter."

Jemma smiled in return, but I could see the pity present in her eyes. "I'm sure whoever she was, she'd be proud of you now. For everything you've done."

"Thank you, Jemma, but I... I'm not too sure about that."

"I am."

I froze at the sound of a familiar voice. Was I hallucinating again? No, that couldn't be. I was getting better. But that sounded so real...

"Proud of you, that is," the voice continued, and I risked looking towards the door where I saw none other than Skye standing there with a nervous smile on her lips.

When I met her gaze, I knew she wasn't a figment of my imagination. Those piercing brown eyes couldn't be fake.

"Hey," she got out, barely a whisper.

I licked my lips and tried to look away, but my heart was suddenly racing in my chest. She was just how I saw her last, but I guess that had been real now.

"I should give you guys a moment," Jemma said, pulling me from my reverie and making me look away.

She walked out, past Skye, leaving us both alone. I was still in shock though, too startled to say anything.

"How are you?" she asked gently, and I still couldn't believe I was hearing her voice after all these years. When I didn't say anything, she continued, "I know this is strange, but–"

"Strange?" I finally found my words, eyebrows raised. "What exactly is strange? The part where I'm sure I'm seeing a ghost right now as I you presumed you were dead after not being able to find you for years after you left, or the part where you've probably been at S.H.I.E.L.D. the whole time and didn't bother to tell me you were okay? Which part is strange exactly?"

She frowned guiltily, eyes falling to her shoes. "When I left–"

"Ran away," I corrected her, bitterness slashing through like a sharp knife, surprising the both of us.

She glanced at me, nodding. "Right... when I ran away, I left you a message."

I almost laughed, a sarcastic smile on my lips. "Don't even get me started on the excuse veiled as a message you left me. The cowardly way out you took because you couldn't face me."

She met my gaze nervously. "I didn't think you'd be this angry after all this time. It happened so long ago."

"Of course I'm angry!" I shouted with frustration, making me grimace at the pain in my shoulder, but I didn't stop. "You left without a single trace of Skye or Mary left behind! You left me with nothing but concern for your wellbeing! I thought you were dead!"

I hadn't realised how I angry I was after all this time, but it made sense. When she first left, I always imagined what I would say to her when I found her again, what our reunion would be like. But when the years went on and I accepted she was truly gone, all of that worry turned into bitterness and resentment. And now, seeing her here... I was furious.

"Y/N, I know you're upset, but–"

"Just get out," I told her with a glare. "I appreciate you saving me and all, but get out."

"Y/N," she pleaded, but I looked away and pressed the button on the side of my bed.

Jemma soon returned and looked between Skye and I with confusion and reluctance.

"Everything okay here?" she asked.

I looked up and met Skye's guilt-filled gaze. "My shoulder hurts."

Skye seemed to get the hint and nodded once more before finally leaving the room. I breathed out a shaky breath, before swallowing the lump in my throat and letting Jemma help me.

I couldn't believe she was back.

[haleigh-sloth]

Hello,

I just found your page and after reading some of your mha posts had a couple things I wanted to ask if that's ok.

1. Since you feel Hawks is not justified because he could have chosen options other than killing Twice, do you think he would have been had he genuinely been made to choose between killing him and saving others? I.e. do you think it's just this killing in particular that was not justified and thus murder, or do you think heroes killing can never be justified, even if in self-defense or defense of others? If we take the "Heroes save people" maxim to its limits, it might be reasonable to argue for a deontological approach to ethics rather than a utilitarian one, so that killing one to save others is not justified because you actively break your code (as opposed to risking not being able to save others, which would be considered a lesser moral wrong under this mindset).

2. This might very well be a stupid question, but if we consider that heroes shouldn't treat others as an it and put them down for the "sake of society", do you feel this ought to extend to AFO too? I really don't mean to use this as a gotcha moment or anything like it, but I feel like if MHA is trying to move away from a punitive justice system in favour of a rehabilitative/restorative one, we ought to consider where people like AFO fall into this system as well. AFO is seemingly entirely unlike any of the other villains in the show, but if we judge that he deserves a different fate for this it also feels like playing into the "Some people just can't be saved" notion that's been perpetuated by hero society. It is of course entirely possible, if not likely, that he'll fall in battle, or that Shigaraki himself will kill him eventually, but I feel like that skirts the issue rather than answer it. As someone who does not seem to show any remorse, desire or even ability to be saved, and in fact feels rather inhuman, what should a reformed society even do with him? Even if we could convincingly argue him to be fundamentally different and thus deserving of punishment, it is much easier for us readers who have more information to make this call, rather than in-universe characters whose judgement will inevitably be based on something less than the full truth. So even if AFO's case in particular was easily answered, it would set a precedent for cases that may appear similar, but in truth be less clear cut. Basically, I believe you feel the villain league deserves another chance because they were victims of their circumstances, and thus not necessarily beyond salvation, because they never knew normality to begin with, but what about those who were not victims, those who by their nature have insurmountable trouble fitting into a peaceful society? Perhaps it's just my mistaken assumption that such people exist and I'm reading AFO wrong, or perhaps it's the opposite and I'm giving people like AFO undue consideration, or perhaps my assumption that AFO ought to be treated as a person rather than a carocature, a symbol, is flawed to begin with, but I just really don't think a manga that wants to argue that villains are people too should go "but here's THIS vile piece of shit, let's kill him!". Am I making sense here?

3. On another note, what do you think of Endeavor's recent speech and general recent development? I've seen some people who were upset by his "Would it fix everything if we showed you our tears" line, but rather than him being dismissive or callous I just see it as him awkwardly saying that he doesn't think anything other than actions can help him atone for what he did. He's still got a lot to work through, but him recognizing that he's got something to atone for and freely talking about what he did to his family is, as I find, certainly a huge step in the right direction.

WHOO hey! Sorry for taking a while to respond. You gave me some really well thought-out questions and I wanted to return the favor with well thought-out answers. Also I was heckin busy yesterday when you sent this. So, here we go:

To answer this question about Hawks, I first need to clarify what it means to be a hero in the eyes of the story that is BNHA:

This honestly doesn’t even make a dent in the amount of panels in BNHA that reiterate time and time again that heroes SAVE people, but I don’t feel like I should have to spend too much time looking for them, these I used above should suffice. The one with baby Midoriya and baby Tenko doesn’t even have any words in the panel, and it’s still powerful enough to get the message across. And make me cry.

Almost every story has its own “heroes” in it. And every story’s definition of a hero is different. In Marvel and DC superhero comics and movies, the heroes usually end up killing the villains, yes? I can’t say I’m familiar with these stories because they aren’t interesting to me in the slightest, but from the ones I HAVE seen, the final boss at the end dies. But all of the heroes get to keep their title of “hero”. That’s not really the standard we have in BNHA.

“Do you think it's just this killing in particular that was not justified and thus murder, or do you think heroes killing can never be justified, even if in self-defense or defense of others?”

So this is a fair point and I feel that the best way to answer this is by asking what you consider self defense? Say Hawks is at home mad chillin and not prepared for a fight in the slightest, and somebody breaks into his house and starts trying to hurt/kill him. He’s unprepared and at this point just trying to keep himself alive. If he ends up killing the guy, is he wrong? In my opinion, no. In real life this happens to people, and they aren’t considered murderers, as they shouldn’t be. To me, self defense is a situation where:

It’s either you or me. It’s one or the other.

I think it’s fair to say what happened with Hawks and Twice was absolutely NOT self defense. I’m not going to go into detail about how deciding to kill Twice was absolutely 100% premeditated, because there’s a wonderful post by someone else that already explains that in great detail here. But I’ll end this thought by saying that Hawks was not committing an act of self defense.

Nothing about this says “self-defense” to me.

“If we take the "Heroes save people" maxim to its limits, it might be reasonable to argue for a deontological approach to ethics rather than a utilitarian one, so that killing one to save others is not justified because you actively break your code (as opposed to risking not being able to save others, which would be considered a lesser moral wrong under this mindset).”

To make it simple for some people to understand these terms:

“Utilitarianism is an ethical theory that determines right from wrong by focusing on OUTCOMES.“ In a nutshell, utilitarian ethics means you make a decision based on how it will affect everything else.

“In moral philosophy, deontological ethics or deontology is the normative ethical theory that the morality of an action should be based on whether that action itself is right or wrong under a series of rules, rather than based on the consequences of the action.” In a nutshell, deontological ethics means you make a decision based on whether it follows rules or not.

So this is a complicated question, and my answer to this is....both? Throughout BNHA we’ve had this dilemma over and over again:

Break the rules and save the day? Or follow the rules and possibly suffer the consequences? Well, BNHA just says “Yes” lol. Do both. Break the rules and save the day. Make a decision based on the consequences of said decision, but also try to follow the rules as best as you can. Even in reality, people do this to get through life. You really can’t live life under a strict utilitarian approach or a strict deontological approach. If Midoriya hadn’t persisted against his classmates and the law to go save Bakugo, he WOULD have gotten kidnapped AGAIN. They were actively trying to take him with them. If Midoriya didn’t break the rules to save Kota, Kota would have straight up DIED. Muscular was actively trying to kill Kota, not to mention Kota had zero ways of defending himself. But here’s where I don’t think this is a fair comparison:

Hawks claims his killing of Twice was to save others. I don’t completely disagree with this logic, if the situation was more dire and dangerous for Hawks. The league was taking peoples’ lives. Somebody had to do something. The problem is that Twice was RUNNING AWAY when Hawks killed him. Twice wasn’t fighting Hawks back, he wasn’t endangering Hawks himself. Hawks stabbed him in the back. AND Hawks had Dabi to worry about, who was actively trying to attack Hawks. But Hawks chose to murder Twice instead of fending off Dabi. And if you refer back to the post I linked above about how it was a premeditated decision to kill Twice, you’ll see that Hawks had the capability of knocking Twice unconscious. He should have done this from the get go. And honestly? There are other heroes who could have captured Twice. There SHOULD have been other heroes to capture Twice. If Hawks was the only hope for the heroes in that war then jeez, the heroes suck at their jobs.

So TLDR for this question: Hawks’s circumstances were not drastic enough for him to be justified in killing Twice. As I said above, self-defense is one thing, where yes I could understand how if a life is lost while defending oneself is probably inevitable in some cases. But this wasn’t self defense. Twice was running away. Hawks should also be able to rely on his hero comrades to help him out.

Instead Hawks chose to be law-enforcement, judge, and executioner all in one moment.

I hope this answers your question? I tried my best. If I misunderstood or missed a talking point, feel free to shoot me a message or another ask.

Next question:

Believe me. I have thought about this! What about AFO? He’s human too isn’t he? You have a point. Should the restorative justice system extend to AFO? I would say yes. If I’m going to stick to my guns that the villains deserve restorative justice and not punitive justice, I should be fair and say it should extend to all villains.

The problem is not in the idea of exploring saving AFO, it’s just that there simply isn’t enough time to explore this in the story. If Horikoshi had said “I’m not going anywhere guys! We’re in this for the long haul!” I’d say it’s possible to explore that route. We don’t know anything about AFO except from what we’ve seen on screen, and what we’ve been told by All Might and the other OFA holders. Which still isn’t much to go on. You’re not giving AFO undue consideration. It’s definitely a deserved consideration. There are people in the story (and the real world) who may not be victimized in any way and end up being villains. Do they deserve a chance? I’d say yes. It’s in my nature as a social worker irl to give people the benefit of the doubt and give them a chance to learn. You’re right that in the end, the league being saved and the characters not considering what could have led AFO to villainy is just “skirting around the problem.” And honestly, that’s probably what we’re going to get. I wouldn’t be surprised for the thought to pass in Midoriya’s head. After saving somebody like Shigaraki, who everybody in the story (and many readers) considered to be “too far gone”, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Midoriya entertained the thought for a brief moment. “What could have saved AFO from himself?” So honestly I don’t have an answer to this question that qualifies both sides. I can’t say that AFO is “too far gone” without undermining that fact that I never believed Shigaraki was “too far gone”, simply because we don’t get to decide what “too far gone” is.  All I can say is that in the eyes of the story, there are far too many differences between AFO’s circumstances and Shigaraki’s circumstances to compare the two, and say they deserve the same type of sympathy from us readers.

Truly I have no sympathy for AFO, because the story doesn’t ask for it. The story wants sympathy for Shigaraki, Toga, Touya, Spinner, and even a tiiiiiny bit for Overhaul. It asks for NONE for AFO.

Another post I’ll link here that isn’t by me but by another awesome meta blogger (@hamliet​) is this.

In a nutshell it says:

It’s not that AFO can’t be saved, it’s that he won’t. That’s the best answer I can give to that question honestly.

As for the third question:

That press conference was just...eh. I mean yeah, Endeavor not denying the allegations was good. Not that he really could anyway. It sucks for the rest of his family though. But at the same time Touya deserved his revenge, even though it was at the expense of his siblings and mother. It sucks, it’s a double edged sword because somebody is hurting no matter what was gonna happen. Endeavor was an asshole to that lady but I don’t really care too much. I’m really torn on what I think is going on inside Enji’s head because the Todofam is either extremely dense, or Horikoshi is writing their dialogue extremely vague on purpose to keep reader’s on the edge of their seats regarding what they want to do about Touya. I really don’t know. I’m not thrilled with the way the Todofam plot is being written right now, even though I’m 100% sure Touya is going to get his happy ending. But right now anything to do with the Todofam that isn’t Shoto and Touya just bothers me. I don’t think Enji really understands yet what he has to do for Touya. Yes he recognizes that he has to atone, but he’s not recognizing HOW he has to atone. Right now he’s still stuck in that “I have to be a hero to absolve my crimes against my family” headspace and I don’t think he’s going to get out of that headspace until he comes face to face with his son and realizes that he can’t just fight villains and go home to a happy family that he terrorized for 20 years. He’s going to have to let his family go, let them decide when to let him back in, if they ever do (I think they will just because of the way the story is being written.) As a reader, Enji is just a character that I cannot vibe with, no matter what happens. I definitely appreciate his role in the story. His role is vital to Touya’s saving and redemption. Touya is in my top 3 favorite characters from this series and I’m emotionally invested. So while I appreciated Enji’s role in the story, I don’t like his character or anything to do with him, at least until it comes time to help save his son. Also the trio of Hawks, Best Jeanist, and Enji just gives me major back the blue vibes and I just can’t read their chapters and be in a good mood lol.

Thank you for the ask! I hope I answered everything! This was fun to answer!