#but i'm not gonna hate a teenage girl
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bayetea · 2 months ago
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just all of this from moa regarding frank/hazel/leo. the most uncomfortable romantic tension ever because nobody understands it and nobody involved wants it to be there
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especially "Hazel's eyes glittered like gold. 'Gold is easy,' she said. It didn't seem that way to Leo--not when he looked at her." like we can interpret this in a few ways. what an interesting thing to think about a girl you just met
and the whole "if this is a private special thing that she's only done with her boyfriend then I either really don't want to try it or I really really do want to try it" like STOP cut the cameras
#also he's only riding with one arm around her??? on ARION?? bro relax 😭#a frank pov would have been so entertaining here like god I would have loved to see exactly what their loud argument looked like#leo is explicitly attracted to hazel but his romantic feelings are explicitly ambiguous. like he really doesn't know what's going on#he clearly feels Something. but what is it. mostly infatuation imo. he's a teenage boy with feelings that he doesn't want#towards a girl who doesn't want him like that. idk it's just kind of sad and relatable if you've ever been in a similar position#(this is where I remind everyone that hazel is 14 in hoo not 13. closer to being 15 than 14 really. frank and leo are not weirdos)#I love the detail about big bro percy being protective towards hazel even tho it sucks for leo 😔 poor guy#anyways this would have been more interesting if frazel were more slow-paced and didn't get together until hoh or something#like hazel is 100% off the table in this situation so the tension (and the resolution to it) feels kind of meaningless and inconsequential#frank is hazel's anchor to the present and leo represents her lingering inner conflict regarding sammy and her past#choosing between the two (present/past) would have been more thematically significant#but that doesn't really happen because she's already fully committed to frank so the choice is already made#one of the big questions you can ask about moa is “ok so what was the point of the whole sammy thing” and doing ^ something like this#would have helped imo. but everyone that isn't me hates love triangles so yk. probably I'm the only one who would have enjoyed that#or like all three of them should have kissed each other. in my head they did actually#the audience is gonna boo me for this but while I understand why leo and hazel were both weirded out by the sammy revelation#from a reader's pov I'm just like Ok but come on is it really that much weirder than being a demigod and dating your cousins#hazel levesque#frank zhang#leo valdez#pjo hoo toa#percy jackson#piper mclean#frazel#heroes of olympus#riordanverse#pjo#frazeleo#percy jackson and the olympians#hazeleo
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littlefoxgirlhere · 27 days ago
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I really miss writing, like, I used to write about anything. literally anything. poetry, movies, about characters, things that made me cry or made me happy, people on my life, songs, things for school like essays, but now I barely can write texts for friends
like I can't write a letter to give a happy birthday to my friend, I literally can't put my words into the paper and it's so weird and make me so frustrated
I used to put my earphones, sit in my bed, chose a good playlist and write until I couldn't keep my eyes open. now that never happens. i tried and I don't know why but it's not happening. I feel like I have lost myself, like i lost the only thing that made me special or barely talented idk
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softquietsteadylove · 16 days ago
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Miss your Maleficent AU. Could you maybe write some more of that ? Maybe jealous and protective Gil/Thena
(also I just want to say. I got into Eternals because of your. 👉👈 I love Don Lee, and I came across your post. I didn't know that he played in this movie. Thank you 💕)
Misery. Mating season was pure misery. As far as Thena was concerned, it always had been. Even back in the isles, all mating season meant was morons crooning at her from treetops like seagulls.
She had seen humans aflush with mating hormones. Usually in the spring, they began courting each other. They would trade soft, quiet words, perhaps sing sweet songs and trade trinkets. Humans had such cute mating rituals. Nothing like a bull flying too close and flapping his wings at her.
Thena curled around herself tighter as a couple flew past, way too close to her, and way too close to each other. Their wings were hitting each other on occasion. Some of their feathers floated down into Thena's space.
She stood with a huff, sending the errant feathers away. This was a poor place to choose as her waiting spot. But she had a view of the side entrance to the nest this way.
The patrol would be back any time now.
As the nights grew shorter, the patrols too grew longer. She could see from her higher vantage point the way Druig was one of the most eager to crowd the entrance. He was waiting for his own mate.
She was waiting for hers...in a sense.
Not that she and Gilgamesh were declared to each other. They weren't really mates, in the way most would consider the term. But she had his feather! And he had hers, even if not displayed publicly.
"They're almost here!" she heard one eager, young fae bubble gleefully to her friend waiting next to her. They were bouncing in their excitement. "Do you think he'll land first?"
Thena rolled her eyes. Young spring fledglings yet to face the harsh winds of the world.
"The captain always lands last!"
Thena bristled, as did her wings. She fluffed them, attempting to smooth them down of their own accord. She couldn't let her hackles raise to every young chick who was aflutter over Gilgamesh. She would never know peace if she did.
Gilgamesh was a very desirable specimen. He was the captain of the nest's border patrol, as well as a personal guard when occasions called for it within the nest. He was a good hunter, a provider, strong, a skilled flier, and he was handsome-
Thena walked away from her waiting spot, refusing to watch Gilgamesh be ogled as soon as he arrived with the rest of the border patrol shift. He could come and find her if he wanted to share some food, or her company.
She wasn't his mate, so what was she waiting on him for?
If she had to watch him be given mating trinkets she might not be responsible for her actions. She trudged through the tunnels instead, determined to take the caves back to the inner cliffs. Perhaps she would just drag herself back to her nest and lie around like a pitiful runt with a broken wing. At least she would be the only one to witness her own misery.
"Are you lost?"
She looked up, shocked to be spoken to in the middle of her brooding. She hadn't even realised she had passed another fae. He was an arctic fae, she gathered from his light coloured robes and the silvery shine in his hair and even his eyelashes. "What?"
"The gathering fire has been lit, they will be handing out food," he repeated, even pointing in the direction from which she had just come. "I wouldn't want you to miss out."
She frowned. What business was it of his if she missed the first servings of meal time? "Perhaps that is my choice to make."
"Yes, of course." But he smiled, showing off pearly white fangs. He was a pretty thing; she was certain he would also be giggled and flapped over by the eligible and awaiting fae out there.
Just like Gilgamesh.
Her mood still soured, Thena turned, determined to continue on her way.
"There will be fruit."
It was impossible for her to hide that her ears perked at that. They were practically fluttering like her wings at the thought. Winter had made it hard to find the sweet, delicate morsels she so loved. Her eyes must have looked bloodthirsty when she looked at him again.
He smiled warmly, hands folded into the sleeves of his robes. "I heard that once mating season begins, the last of the dried fruit rations are distributed, as a celebration that fresh fruit will begin growing once more."
She regarded him cautiously. He was promising a great treasure--almost too good to be true. "Heard?"
"Ah, I have travelled much in my life, I too am not native to this area," he excused with a laugh. "Although I come from the north, I had the pleasure of experiencing the southern Isles many years ago. I remember how lush the fruit was, no matter the season."
Indeed, it was the only thing she missed of the Isles. She approached him again. "You lived on the Isles?"
"For a time, yes," he sighed, opening his eyes again. They were a pretty colour, she had to admit--much like the waters of her island home. "I was quite happy during the time I spent there."
A smile came to her face, perhaps from sheer nostalgia. The thought of warm winds and soft sands and the sounds of her brothers' laughter (when they were still small and cute) came to mind. "They are pleasant."
"Pleasant, yes," he agreed. His smile changed slightly and he stepped closer to her, "and beautiful."
She blinked; had she misread his intentions. Her feathers weren't standing on end, but she couldn't help but tilt her head at him. "Hm?"
"I do miss the beauty of the Isles," he repeated. He was no coward. "The soft gold of the sands, the sparkling green of the seas. Truly the most beautiful sights one can behold."
She clasped her hands behind her back. She couldn't very well tell him he was speaking to a mated fae--he wasn't. Her tongue turned sour again and her frown returned without any need to force it. "I don't-"
"Ah, forgive me," he offered with genuine sounding contrition. He even stepped away again, back to a more respectful distance. "I do not wish to cause you discomfort."
She eyed him. He had taken no for an answer, which frankly put him ranks above plenty of the hormone driven bulls out there. She straightened her back, stating firmly, "I'm not looking for a mate."
"Then let it be so," he agreed easily. His voice was like silk. "I will not ask anything of you."
Thena maintained the distance he himself had offered. But if he truly was ready to accept her answer, then perhaps something of a friend would not be the worst to have in this mothernest. She was starting to realise that with exception to Gilgamesh, she had made little effort to find more, now that this was their home.
"I confess I knew you were from the Isles the second I saw you," he offered, again his own defense, but not disavowing his declaration of her beauty. "I have longed to return to the Isles for many years now. I was eager to speak with someone else who knew them."
"Hm," she contemplated her options aloud. She could surely talk with him about her past home. There weren't many other options, after all. And so long as he kept it to himself if he found her beautiful or not, she could concede having some company besides Ikaris might be nice.
"Your brothers flew here with you, yes?"
She relaxed some at the mention of her brothers. She was not the only one he had learned about. "Yes, we all made the journey together."
"Druig, the younger one," he began carefully. "I was not able to connect that he was from the Isles and your kin until recently, I confess."
She had to smile. Druig did look quite her opposite, in many ways. He had short horns, dark and coiled tightly to his head. Dark hair, sharp features, and his wings were like the darkest part of the ocean.
"He is mated with Makkari, the lightning guard."
That was a fitting name for her, Thena had to admit. "I am quite happy with the match."
"What of your other brother?" her new acquaintance asked, his hands back in his sleeves again.
Ikaris was like a medium between her and Druig. He had some grey in his hair, peppery toned wings like a great owl. Thena sighed. "I fear no one would be able to stomach him as a mate."
Her companion laughed. He had a nice laugh, his voice light but also somewhat husky. "Surely he can't be so bad."
"I fear he is worse," she rebutted, making him laugh more. It wasn't as nice as Gilgamesh's laugh, but it was nice to hear any laughter, now that she thought about it. Perhaps mating season was getting to her after all.
"I have seen him with Ajak's assistant," he offered.
She too had seen him hovering whenever Sersi was in the open. But Ikaris was too ungraced to approach her directly. Thena feared that he had picked that up from her directly. "She will need to court him herself if she has hopes of making it through his agate of a skull."
"An agate for a skull?" he questioned, humored by her term for it.
"Large, some might find it pretty, but it's technically hollow inside."
Her friend threw his head back in laughter, truly enjoying himself now. She had to smile, too. It was nice to make someone laugh.
"I have heard much worse about siblings from others, if anything he should be grateful you compare him to something so desired," he chuckled, wiping a tear from his silvery eyelash in laughter.
"Indeed, he has had females pursue him in the past," Thena lamented, back to ruminating upon mating season. "But he is too dense to realise. I end up having to break the news to them that he is...not the courting type."
"Ah," he made a face of feigning understanding.
She frowned again, looking at him. He was a pretty fae, she could see that. But something made her bristle again. "Why aren't you out there?"
"Hm?"
"I know why I am here," she continued, feeling as if the air were shifting around her. Her feathers started rising. "No one uses the tunnels."
He tilted his head at her, utterly innocent looking. "I thought a quiet walk might be nice. All the mating season chirping-"
"Your wings drag," she pointed out, looking down at their feet, her sandals and his slippers. Indeed, his silvery wings were dragging on the ground behind him, they were so long. He wouldn't be taking the cave tunnels unless he had to.
He sighed, and harshly at that.
Her brows furrowed. "Did you expect to find me?"
"I followed you in here," he grumbled, some of the smoothness of his voice leaving him. "I've been trying to speak with you for some time now, but you're always slipping away like a wriggly little eel."
She shivered; she hated eels.
"When I saw you come down here I thought," he shrugged, making quite light of the confession to having tailed her like a predator. "This was my chance to talk with you."
Whether he meant that literally or was alluding to more than speaking, she bristled. She was no one's prey. "Was any of what you said true?"
He gave her a look, thoroughly irritated with her now. It was a sharp contrast to how gentle and soft he had seemed mere moments ago. "I didn't falsify anything. I did just want to talk with you."
He did seem genuinely discouraged. Perhaps it was the privilege of being a bull that he had no idea how threatening it felt to find herself entrapped with him like this.
"But you're always hanging around with that meathead."
Her wings bristled for an entirely new reason. "Who?"
"The captain," he sighed--scoffed, rather. "Gilgamesh?--throws his weight around, doesn't talk much. I have only seen him a few times during his duties and he seems...staunch."
He couldn't have been further from the truth. "He is not."
"You fly with him often," he pointed out, and she tried not to let it ruffle her. "He was your escort when you arrived from the isles."
She stood her ground.
"I always thought it should have been me," he muttered, letting some bitterness come through in it. "I volunteered, actually. I told Ajak about living in the Isles in years past--it made the most sense for me to be your escort!"
He sounded quite certain about that.
"But she chose him," he rolled his eyes, even pulling his hands out of his sleeves to run a hand over his horns. They were long, but they were downturned. Thena liked how Gil's flowed back from his head, like the depictions of old dragons in some cultures.
"You are envious of him."
He made a face, and Thena realised that perhaps this was one of those times when she was no more graceful with their own kind than Ikaris. It was an uncouth thing to say aloud. He looked at her with wild eyes and approached her with his shoulders forward. His wings raised and even confined within the space they were, they were huge. "Me?!--jealous of him?!"
Thena took a step back, but he continued to push his way into her space. She shouldn't have said that (even if she was right). And now she was trapped in a tunnel where she wouldn't be able to fly, at least not at any decent speed.
He slapped the cave wall between them, his temper now in full control. "What could that urchin brained, thick skulled, sea salt coated idiot have that I don't-?!"
Thena blinked as he was yanked backwards so far that he fell straight onto his wings. He yowled and grumbled as he was stepped over, his pretty wings being bent and rumpled as he attempted to pick himself up with the weight of them working against him.
"Careful you don't hurt your thick skull."
Gilgamesh stepped over the other male, completely unbothered by his agonised groans radiating through the tunnel around them. He walked over to her, leaning down to her ear, "are you unharmed?"
She nodded, happy she was still clasping her hands behind her and around her wings, which were absolutely vibrating at the sight of him. Her heart hammered in her ears. "Yes."
"Good." Gilgamesh's voice was deep, and smooth, and pleasant to the ear. He turned back to the other fae present. "You!"
"Ugh," the male grunted, finally able to pick himself up. He huffed and puffed, hair ruffled and wings positively bedraggled. "What the hell was that for?! I was-"
Gilgamesh was in front of him in a second, nose to nose, eye to eye. His fists clenched audibly. "If I ever hear of you following anyone around, let alone trapping them in a tunnel?"
He rolled his eyes. "I didn't trap her-"
Gilgamesh grasped the front of the opposition's robes. He brought his face close, growling right in it, fangs bared, breath heavy. "If I ever see you say even a word to her again-"
"Won't happen," he was quick to try and slither his way out of trouble. Like a wriggly little eel, Thena thought.
"Ever!" Gilgamesh roared right in his face, shaking him. "You come near her again, and I'll shatter your wings so badly you'll never even feel the wind in them again."
The fae paled; it was about a serious a threat as there ever could be. He wrestled himself from Gilgamesh's grip and began backing his way out of the tunnel, head down, wings pressed flat. "Never again. Consider me gone."
They could hear his steps scurrying out of the tunnel almost the entire way back to the opening. Gil turned back to her. "Are you sure you're okay?"
She looked down at her toes. She felt foolish for having thought he had innocent intentions, even for a second. And perhaps he did, but she didn't feel any better about it.
"What are you doing in here?" he asked her gently, coming to her and reaching out for her hand. "I landed and went looking for you."
She kept her eyes down, not wanting to admit that she hadn't wanted to see him fawned over by other faeries. "I didn't feel I had the stomach for it."
She wasn't exactly explaining herself. But Gilgamesh accepted that, moving closer until he could pull her into his arms. She sighed as his hand drifted between her wings, massaging the knot that had formed there.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to her, burying his nose in her hair. "I should have been here to fend him off."
She inhaled the scent of him from his robes. She did want that. She wanted him to be around to fend off others in the name of keeping them away from his mate. She wanted to be able to tell the young fledglings that openly lusting after another's mate was unseemly. She wanted him to be hers as much as she felt he already was.
Gil pulled away first, holding her cheeks to kiss her properly. Their lips parted but he stayed close, his forehead to hers. "I know I'm not...we're not...I know. But I'm your mate, Thena--I am. And I'm not gonna let anyone think otherwise."
She pulled her head back enough to look at him, her lashes fluttering. He stared into them, his eyes such deep brown pools that made her want to sink into them. And they were so honest--she could believe everything she saw in them. She blushed.
Gilgamesh accepted as she kissed him again, slipping her hands under his wings and up his back. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm here now."
"Hm," she purred, happy just to enjoy a moment with him away from prying eyes. She rose onto her toes to nestle her nose right into the folds of his robes. And there, she found her feather, tucked away against his heart. She was in her rightful place, as far as he was concerned.
"Hey, you didn't eat, right?" he asked, eager to move past this unfortunate episode. "I found you something."
Her ears perked again--wings fluffed again.
Gilgamesh pulled out a pouch. Before it was even open her eyes went wide at the scent. He grinned, "we flew out pretty far today. But I found a few of these."
Her eyes sparkled as he handed over the treasure; an agate in its own right, filled with its own kind of jewels. She loved pomegranate.
"How 'bout we get away from all the noise," he chuckled, handing over the treasure so he could wrap his arm around her waist. "And I'll feed you those little seeds."
"Arils," she corrected, but with a wide smile, entirely too thrilled to have one of her favourite - rare - fruits within her hands again.
Gilgamesh just chuckled, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Anything my mate desires."
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cutiepatootiekatie · 10 months ago
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why the fuck do they always make the antagonists the finest
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ebbpettier · 1 year ago
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i don't believe in the fandom concept of problematic faves (all characters should have at least one Problem, i think, for flavor) but if i did, fiona pitch would have a permanent throne at the very top of my list. i just think she's neato-cheetos.
#on a scale from one to belittling a teenager who was just subjected to weeks of solitary confinement starvation torture#i think that fiona is a 10.5 and should consider prozac#rainbow has a way with multifaceted characters who do things because it's the only thing they know how to do#good things for bad reasons and bad things for good reasons and selfless things for spiteful reasons and vise versa etc#everyone is at least a bit of an asshole about something. even goodboy milk chap boyscout simon killed a bunch of vampires on sight#they were probably up to something shady but the likelihood that they were gonna kill those girls in broad daylight at a crowded renfaire?#probably pretty low. too late to un-kill 'em though. like. those were People. vampires are People. goblins too.#imagine you're a goblin looking to make some serious changes in your society and the only thing you have to do to achieve those goals?#is kill a fifth grader that already hates you and your entire species on principle and would definitely kill you first given the chance#some of those goblins were probably pretty power hungry assholes but i imagine if they have a monarchy they also have tax laws and shit#i couldn't kill a fascist cub-scout for free healthcare but i'm also very anti-murder in general and goblins seem quite pro#i am definitely thinking way too far into this but that's also my One SkillTM#the incredibly similar way that simon and fiona view 'dark' magickal creatures (and what it means about the entire WoM) is an essay itself#its also a LONG essay and i'm too much of a weenie to post in-depth fandom opinions more controversial than 'big teeth Hot'#so the gist of it is 'I JUST THINK THEY'RE ALL NEAT I LIKED THE BOOK A LOT'#del/lat
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canisonicscrewyou · 4 months ago
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Ship your old man RPF ship however you want but perhaps have some self-awareness while you talk about their actual in real life wives/girlfriends, and not the fictional girl getting in the way of your yaoi. Either way you're being misogynistic throwing whichever Her it is under the bus, but holy shit.
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angel-deer · 5 months ago
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unrulylarry · 2 years ago
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no1tolerateitfan · 6 months ago
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my main tiktok account got banned and i'm actually crying 💕
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digirainebow · 1 year ago
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i didn't think jacob would be arguing with olivia, wanting it almost as much as her. what the hell. i expected the self defeated, taking one for the team attitude but actively needing it like her? when he had been trying to stop her all night? i feel like i've been blasted by a buckshot
#digi discusses#the world needs more jacobs and i just took him out of it#did he go back to being a kid again? to see the lights of possibility again?#to feel like he's doing something exciting and worthwhile again not by making art but by being “freed” by maggie's knowledge once more?#or did he. choose another timeline entirely? augh i'm gonna have to watch the ending back again...where did he go...#maggie would be turning in her graaaaaave to know he chose this. she would hate that for him she would h a t e it#the anna parallels. stuck between time only able to hear him on radios if you are lucky. fuck off#becoming an urban legend...i think he would have liked that. immortalized just like he wanted. ugh wait did riley do that for him#but the details getting lost his name becoming warped over time? i think riley (and i) would feel it was almost disrespectful to his memory#the fact he puts meeting riley on the same pedestal as saving camena. god god god god. even when they aren't friends they are.#riley talking to athena like a person like he did. i am MISERABLE#its the dys exocolonist thing all over again. he's happy and that's...good. but he could have been just as happy if he'd stayed too#every single time i think about the hug i'm going to cry#every single ending has done this to me there is literally no winning#being kinda mean to him was bad enough but this ending just feels! it feels like riley. like i. drove him to.#girl i need to log off bye#oxenfree II spoilers#yeah there's the essay. just took a minute#i will make another one about hurt healed olivia in a bit too because that. made me sob. that one hit really...close to home#he says when he was a teenager he would have fallen for it if someone told him he could open a portal in the sky and make things better#what a liar he would still do it now#EDIT: NO i knew it he says almost exactly what nona says after you hug her when you hug him. the orange-associated characters strike again
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running-in-the-dark · 11 months ago
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I'm watching the new Sad Boyz episode and Jarvis has been talking about Fall Out Boy for thirty minutes and I'm juuust. not enjoying it
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littlefoxgirlhere · 7 months ago
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i want a better body, want a better skin, want to be perfect like all your other friends.
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cidr-monologic-trials · 2 years ago
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Hey in your opinion who do you think is the mastermind of CIDR? I am very curious about what you think. For me it’s either Jenny or Morty. 
I do have a few theories about who the Mastermind coud be, and I honestly woud say it's probably Morty.
Let me explain:
(Note that most of this stands from the two pre prologue videos [this one & this one] so chances of this aging poorly are high)
We've Technically already seen the Mastermind on "Prologue...Prologue?", but It's Imposible to know their identity due to them wearing a cloak
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This is not the only time we see the Mastermind, as it also apears on "...Talents?" The proof of this two mistery kids being the same being Membrane's coment about why they where dennied access to the academy.
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Out of the main cast his woud basically writte out people with clear talents:
- Jenny - Star (with "...Talents?" also confirming that she was approved) - Ed - Blossom - Bubbles - Vendetta - Zim - Dipper
We can also writte out Gaz & Dipper since "...Talents?" confirms they were approved. (Charlotte is also out because let's be real, she's not smart enough to be the mastermind)
in "...Talents?" we also learn that the Mastermind is famous or at least has a high reputation
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So we can writte out character's that woudn't be poppular on a world scale
- Cartman - Kyle - Eddy
Which leaves us with Mabel, who coud be famous for the same reasons as Dipper (Mystery Twins) & Morty, due to being Famous Scientist Rick Sanchez Grandson/Sidekick.
We know it can't be Mable since she has a Ultimate Lab Confirming she was Approved for the acaddemy.
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We also know for a fact that the Mastermind is one of the Students, as we can see in the "Class Trial Preview" that there aren't any empty Seats meaning the Mastermind took the place of the Missing "Ultimate Scientist".
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Which woud leave Morty as the only possible person that coud be the mastermind.
Also you coud say that the reason for Morty being the first Murderer is him removing himself from the game before he has the chance to become a target, if that's the case it woud mean he will fake his death once he eventually gets voted as the culprit (which woud be easy as "Prologue...Prologue?" tells us about an invasion from Shapeshifters)
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And woud explain Rick being the only hostage that we can't see as it was just a trick from Morty to give himself a motive.
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This is what I've managed to gatter from the clues we have so far, but whith this being the BIG final mystery maybie we will get more clues that prove me wrong (I say as if Danganrompa's 1 & 2 twists weren't predictable from chapter 1...)
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livvywritesworld · 2 years ago
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A Fist in the Mouth | Overview & Analysis
For those who don’t know, I am a creative writing student in my first year of university. In my introduction to creative writing class this semester, I wrote a short story called ‘A Fist in the Mouth’ for our fiction unit. After a couple rounds of editing, I submitted this piece to my university’s literary magazine and was later accepted for publication.
This is my first ever publication acceptance so of course this story holds such a special place in my heart now, and I thought I might make a post about it just kind of sharing a couple of snippets and some of the inspiration and thought I put behind the story as a whole.
(please let it be known that I retain all rights to my original work and no plagiarism will be tolerated)
excerpts and analysis under the cut
‘A Fist in the Mouth’ began as a way for me to kind of reintroduce myself to short fiction after a period of not having written anything at all due to some health issues. I had all of these ideas for the short fiction piece that I needed to write for class and none of them were working out how I wanted them to while still fitting within the word limit. So, I decided to discovery write something while listening to one of my many Spotify playlists just to kind of get in the groove of writing once more and really just see what would happen.
As I was writing, the song “Modern Girl” by Sleater-Kinney came on shuffle and for those of you who have never heard the song, there’s a repeating lyric, “hunger makes me a modern girl.” This really sparked some inspiration in me and all of a sudden I was writing about a teenage runaway come riot grrrl serial concert goer experiencing the horrors of girlhood and ambition. 
‘A Fist in the Mouth’ begins like this:
There’s a difference between running from and running to. When I left home, I thought I was running towards. I didn’t think of it as me leaving my parents’ oppressive religious household, though that was a fact that I readily acknowledged as a girl. I only ever thought of it as me, freshly eighteen, running full speed at a future I thought I deserved. A future I knew never would have found me if I’d stayed in that town, in that house, with those people, spending my days on my knees praying to a god that didn’t see me as deserving of anything more than I’d already been given.
Now, I think all I was doing was running away from every facet of my life. I didn’t feel the same way about God as the rest of my family, was scared to death of them looking at me one day and suddenly seeing all of me. Back then, I felt like I didn’t have any other choice. And I probably didn’t.
The narrator is kind of inspired by the character Maxine in the film ‘X,’ which I had watched a couple of weeks before writing the story, as well as Ethel Cain’s discography. I really wanted to write from the perspective of a teenage girl fleeing a very religious household (religious trauma for the win) because she wants more out of life than what her parents have laid out for her.
As we move through the story and see how the narrator interacts with the 90s Seattle grunge & punk scene, we are introduced to the narrator’s insatiable hunger (her ambition, queerness, and dedicated yearning). I use a lot of motifs throughout the beginning and middle of the text to try and recreate this feeling for the reader.
I was nineteen and my presence felt both excessive and non-existent. I wasn’t eating as much as I should’ve been, couldn’t really afford three meals a day. Most of my money went towards rent and bills, any real food I got would be leftovers from the diner. The cook was a bit sweet on me, so he’d make me a sandwich every day, free of charge, whatever kind I wanted.
The thing was though, even if I did get enough to eat, I still never felt full. I’d look in the mirror and my mouth would be this gaping cavern, something that didn’t fit on my face. It didn’t matter how old I was, how much life I did or didn’t experience— in the mirror smiling back at me was a gape-toothed girl looking to swallow the whole world if given the chance.
Then, we meet the character of Magdalene Williams, who is the only character in the story that I’ve named. The inspiration for Magdalene was definitely Mary Magdalene— I kind of wanted this holy-like figure to come into the narrator’s life and really give her a taste of the life that she craves for herself.
Magdalene invites the narrator to an all non-men punk show on the edge of Seattle and the narrator feels her hunger clawing up out of her stomach and demanding to go. She is inherently drawn to Magdalene and has no idea why. So she accepts the invitation. 
The story kind of unravels from there, and we end with Magdalene coming onstage with her band and giving The Performance of a Lifetime and generally really disturbing the narrator. The narrator knows that something Is Not Right here, she’s been very active in the scene for the last year and has never heard of Magdalene yet the entire crowd is going wild over her, and once Magdalene starts singing she immediately knows that something is wrong. And yet. She just can’t look away.
In Magdalene, the narrator sees everything that she wants, everything that she is so hungry for, and it terrifies her. She’s also a little jealous, and a little horny but very much in a prophet/faithhealer x devotee kind of way. 
I wrote the entire story in past tense because I really wanted it to have a sort of confessional vibe, to really keep in tone with the religious themes and imagery. My professor suggested after workshop that I might try it in present tense but it just was not working. During our class workshop however, everyone said that they liked the choice of past tense because it was almost like the narrator was telling us, the reader, that she experienced such an intense period of wanting in her life and still made it out in the end.
I don’t know if it’s too much to share on here like word count-wise, but the last few paragraphs of the story are my absolute favorites and I’m so proud of them. They’ve remained mostly unchanged in my various rounds of edits and I’m so impressed with myself for being able to write like this after having literally not written anything substantial in around six months.
Before I left home, my whole life was like a sepia photograph of a sunny day. Over-exposed, parents with smiling faces and sons with square jaws, daughters with ribbons in their hair. Wooden crosses on the walls, simple and unornate because God doesn’t need to be loved in gold foil. Grass stains on white tights, Sunday kitten heels scuffed from being worn so often, deodorant powder refusing to wash off the baby pink dress Mama thought looked so nice with my brown eyes.
There’s a difference between running from and running to. At eighteen, I was running towards something. I’msure of that. I don’t think I ever had an idea of what that something was, or what I even wanted it to be, but I did know that I didn’t want to be some televangelist’s golden daughter proffered up to God like Icarus was to the sun.
I noticed things about myself the way my family noticed things about God and religion and theology. Studied myself in mirrors, in the dark, in the depths of my own mind. I noticed everything and remembered nothing. Blood never started to fill my mouth until I surrounded myself with idolatry of a different kind, the screams sounded too much like mine.
At nineteen, I was running from. That night, hunger attacked every fiber of my being, ate away at my organs, left behind teeth marks and blood. I saw that hunger reflected in Magdalene, her mouth an open wound as she screamed out her lyrics. I wasn’t scared, though. There’s nothing scary about hunger, what’s scary is the response hunger elicits from other people.
This, I noticed. All in real time. Learned it of myself.
I watched the crowd feed Magdalene, and consequently devour her whole. Sanctify her living and alive, right before my eyes. And I never wanted anything more than I did then. I craved it, would’ve let hordes of women and girls crucify me where I stood just to be in Magdalene’s position. She never could’ve been full, not with the way she sang, but at least she was well fed. Oh how I wanted to be kept in excess.
Have learned to become my own number one fan lol
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dariasonlinedairy · 26 days ago
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why is my hair so weird like.. when i wash it and let it air dry, curls form, but when i brush it, my locks turn into waves and after a day it gets straight
like when i was little i used to have curls and i want them back for sure since lots of people tell me that i look cuter with curls/waves 💔��� pls tell me any tips that would be GREAT!!
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cherri-ish · 28 days ago
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On god I hate this shit brah I need new friends I'm going crazy!!! Like i made plans but my other friend is flying in and I wanna see her but shes friends with people who used to be my friends but highkey I dont fw anymore but they think we chilling but NOOOOO girl I dont fw yall!!!! And now my plans are being altered and all of a sudden everyone wanna participate in the plan making process when I was begging these hoes to hang w me. Like bitch bye does everyone hate me be honest.
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