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… Busted

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they call me an undercover agent. the way i’m. under the covers :) cozy in bed :)

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“Batman wishes I was dead.” Jason no, baby, he just wants you to stop cutting random dude’s heads off in the middle of the night in Gotham. And not even because he disagrees with you, but because Batman is the one Jim Gordon calls to come deal with the mysterious cut-off heads at 5:00 am. That man just got off patrol and now he’s gotta go look at some bloodstained duffel bag in the Narrows with Jim Gordon who’s hitting his emotional support vape like it’s an oxygen mask. Bruce can’t stand the smell of cotton candy. Do you see where I’m going with this, Jason?

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Piece of shit cat

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To be a true batman fan you must simultaneously believe that batman is a middle aged man loser with mental issues, an eldritch monstrosity who is human in all the long suffering torturous wrong ways, and an cunt-serving diva with a face card so lethal it's a partial reason for inter-galaxy peace.

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You know I just think that Dick Grayson is probably (definitely) the only Batkid who genuinely thinks that Bruce has a good sense of humor. Everyone else would either say he couldn't tell a joke if his life depended on it or he's awkward af when he tries, but Dick is like my old man is hilarious!

(It's because Bruce developed his sense of humor From the circus kid when he first fostered him, so his sense of humor is forever catered to Dick. Dick of course does not know this, he just thinks the world of Bruce.)

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So mad at how long this took

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Nah but a Gotham born and Raised Bruce wayne showing up at various obscure spots around the world begging to be trained

Meanwhile all his teachers are learning from him these little Gotham bits that make it that much more effective and/or deadly

"And if you break his hold using this twisting motion, you can--"

"What if I just bite him?" Bruce asked, leaning forward.

Ra's paused in his demonstration. "Bite him?"

"Yeah. Like, right on the wrist. Where it's poking out of his sleeve."

Ra's stared at his demonstration partner, eyeing the sliver of skin poking out of his sleeve. And now that he was thinking about it...

"I suppose you could, yes."

"But it would leave DNA," Bruce said, immediately dismissing the merits of his own suggestion. He shook his head. "You're right, the twist would be faster. Never mind."

The twist would not, in all honesty, be faster. When Ra's looked back down, his demonstration partner -- barely older than Bruce himself -- was staring at his teeth warily.

"But if I bit hard enough," Bruce said suddenly, returning to his previous line of thought. "Maybe he'd bleed so much that the DNA wouldn't matter."

Ra's felt a particular shiver work its way up his spine, something that felt old and reminiscent of Bruce's beloved rotten city. It wasn't quite bloodlust that he had shining in his luminously blue eyes, but it was certainly close.

"As I was saying," Ra's said, clearing his throat. "Using this twisting motion--"

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the sweet and humble sudoku: here’s some numbers to get you started :) please enjoy my puzzle <3

the nefarious minesweeper: why don’t you just Guess. fucking Guess.

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Now that I’m home from hangout it’s time to do my favorite activity of overthinking everything I did and have done ever

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*in a rap battle* i wonder who your mother could have been if she never had you

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brutalia in your style pls? 👉👈

Brutalia it is

+ bonus Babian

I have not known peace ever since I discovered that’s fandom nickname for Baby Damian (?!)

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Bruce, trying to find absurdly shaped antique furniture for an auction they’re having soon : and we cannot get rid of this 1920s monstrosity because…?

Alfred, who has fond memories of Thomas’s creativity when it came to the living room- can a man not relish in what the past has to offer, master Bruce ?!

Dying. Poor Alfred, trying to defend a monstrosity of a desk he can never ever explain to Bruce no matter the circumstances 🤣

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Omg yall why am I feeling insane rn 😻 (yall as in the void)

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i think Damian coming from the league of assassins where he was either to be treated with complete respect fit for royalty or murder attempts by attempted usurpers with no in between, straight into a family with about seven insane siblings while having no way to understand how siblings usually treat each other to be so fascinating. like he’s the youngest, he’s gonna get shit on a lot and to him this is a great slight against his character when for the others its just their god given right as his older sibling.

Damian: Todd has declared war on me via attempted assault, and i must now destroy his entire livelyhood to establish dominance.

Jason, to Dick: *snorts* i made tea and burnt his arm with the spoon.

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Damian: you truly think me lesser than you? shall we duel to the death?

Tim: kill me all you want, you still can’t be player one on Just Dance.

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*after a huge screaming fight that took up the entire afternoon*

Steph: anyway wanna go get food with me?

Damian: sO YOU CAN POISON ME?!?!

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Damian:

Cass:

Damian:

Cass:

Damian: i must leave town, she wants me dead.

Duke: nah man you just took her spot on the couch when she went to the bathroom and she’s pissed about it.

Cass:

Damian:

Damian: i repeat, she wants me dead.

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Damian: they’re stalking me, as if i won’t see their attempts at taking me out from a mile away.

Jon: ?

Damian: they think that bumping me off in public will lessen their chances of father blaming them.

Damian, drawing a small dagger: well i will not make it easy for them.

*Jason and Dick behind a plant, following Jon and Damian from a distance to spy on Damian’s first social outing with a friend*

Jason: dude why does he have a knife?

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i've said before that i love the english teacher jason todd headcanon but a similar one i think is very much overlooked is art teacher damian. in fact, i don't think i've ever seen it before. but i think it would be AWESOME hahaha

Damian: *carrying a large box* occasionally, my own sophisticated vernacular does not do justice to a situation . . . so to paraphrase one of my students . . . this sucks ass Jon: *grabs box, then raises brows* i was going to tease you for that . . . but yeah. this thing is freakin' heavy. what is this??? damian: *looking EXTREMELY tired* clay. for my students to make . . . sculputes out of. jon: *weary* why the hesitation? damian: more often than not their sculptures are more bomb than sculpture. jon: . . . ah. how does that work exactly? damian: *staring into the distance* now why would i trust you with the knowledge of how to make a bomb, jonathan.

Damian: welcome to class, students. today we will be participating in one of my personal favorite mediums, painting student: what do we paint? damian: anything but batman. i know you enjoy memorializing vigilantes in your art, but he angered me last night and as such the sight of him would sicken me students: one brave soul: what did he do? daminan: *straight-faced* he ate the last of the peanut butter in the pantry and failed to buy a new jar. now, for the paintings--

jason: *groaning, head resting on the papers strewn over his table* god, my students are so dumb damian: *framing and hanging up art pieces gifted to him by his students* i cannot say i relate, todd jason: *under his breath* fuck you too

damian: *peering over jason's shoudler at grading jason is doing* what is all this? the red marker? jason: *chugging coffee like its a shot* mistakes i have to correct for them damian: *frowns* that is a lot of mistakes. jason: how 'bout you? how'd your students do on their assignment? damian: well, jenn forgot that we'd moved on from abstracts, so her landscape appears as if it has stepped foot out of a picasso rather than the monet it should have been, but i have graded her with the abstract scale rather than the realism given that it was a simple mistake. her usage of tones and textures impressed me, and while the expressionism and irrealism is slightly off-putting in a landscape, i have found it quite pleasing to the eye. jason: i have no fucking clue what you just said but okay

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Talia: *attempting to calm a newly conscious Jason Todd* I am sure this must come as a shock to you, child, but it’s been three years since- Jason: *jolting up in bed, scaring the shit out of five watching assassins* FUCK, MY FICS HAVE GONE UN-UPDATED FOR THREE YEARS? Talia: Jason: I PROMISED MY SUBSCRIBERS— Ra’s: *leaning over to Talia* what is a . . “Fic”? Talia: *shrugs*