#but i'm not going anywhere for a while so those of you here for the long haul

[obae-me]

How He Kisses

Hey there, so things are...kinda awful right now, and while I don't want to fully distract myself from my other works I'm chipping away at, I did want to post something a bit short and sweet to hopefully- well, saying "to make everyone feel better" feels sort of self-inflated, but if I can make everyone stop and think about something happy for just one second, that's more than I can ask for. I have no idea how similar this is to my hug headcanon ones. Not really checked for too many errors, this was all kind of done in the spur of the moment, but I don't think that matters too much.

Lucifer

Proper and slow. He likes being patient, kissing you once before pulling back to look at your face. He feels a sense of Pride when he can see the effect he has on you, knowing that he can comfort you like this. He's a perfectionist, he likes the whole experience to be included. That's why he likes to do it more often when you two are alone, knowing he has the freedom to do whatever it takes to make this moment perfect. Whether it's music, a lit fireplace, over a dinner, under the comfort of a blanket, everything is set up for you. To show his love for you, nothing less than high quality will be accepted. The kiss is simply the bow that ties everything together. And he'll take his time to relish in this moment with you.

Mammon

Fervent and greedy. He cannot contain his love for you. Even around his brothers, he lets it slip. So when you find yourselves alone, it's like pulling the lid off a stuffed container. Your eyelids, your ears, your forehead, cheeks, chin, lips, none of them shall be spared in his spree. It's almost frantic, as if he doesn't get as many now, he'll never have them again. He craves all of you, and he wants to be only yours in equal measure. Love, soul, attention, all of it is for you. It's as if he has to make up the seconds lost whenever you're apart. He never wants it to end. He hardly breathes. Every one is just as good as the last, and he is focused on making it just as wonderful an experience for you as well. After all, he wants you to be greedy too. Tell him your every desire.

Levi

Eager and grateful. Push past the anxiousness and the self-doubt, and you find a Levi that adores you more than anything. Like an ultra rare drop he can't get anywhere else. If he can stand in line for days for something he wants, he will stand with you till the end of time. His kisses show that, how deeply in love he is for you. Given the chance, he has the confidence to prove to you how special you are to him. Every kiss gets him more excited than the last, and in turn, he's determined to do whatever it takes to make you feel just as joyous as he is in these moments. Thank you for being here with him, your presence means more to him than you currently know, and he'll spare no effort to start showing you that.

Satan

Meek and curious. Whether or not it is considered if he's kissed someone before, every time he kisses you, it feels like the first time. He almost always has a distant look on his face, as if he's thinking about a million other things at the same time, and every million of those thoughts is something about you. He learns something new every time and commits it to memory. Which way your head naturally tilts, where you prefer his hands to be, how many you like, how long they take, he's going to remember them all. Well, he says that, but oftentimes its as if his mind wipes after every kiss. It's hard to think during those moments. But he's not worried about it, that just means he'll have to keep going. He has no plans to leave your side anytime soon after all.

Asmo

Uplifting and addictive. He likes to kiss for every occasion, every emotion. Happy? Kiss. Excited? Kiss? Sad? He says he saves his best kisses for those moments especially. Maybe it's shared love that makes his kisses almost tingle, or maybe its some kind of magic. It makes you feel light. And he'll give you as many as you want. He adores kissing you, not able to get enough of it. It's as though he's almost on clockwork, having to give you an embrace at perfect intervals throughout the day. He can't get enough of you, and he can't help but get giddy at the thought of running to your side and letting you know exactly just how much he loves you.

Beel

Warm and encompassing. Gluttony often gets mixed up with Greed, but this is one of those instances where the differences are clear. Every kiss is slow, and feels as if it lasts several lifetimes. It's as if he's drinking you in, savoring this moment in it's entirety. Of course he'll come in for seconds, and thirds, and fourths, but it comes steadily. Something about his kisses fills you with a warmth that's hard to describe, similar to soup or a hot beverage seeping through every part of your body to endure the coldest of days. It makes your toes curl like they're in warm socks. It makes you feel as if nothing can get to you. And with him around, nothing will.

Belphie

Soft and persistent. No amount of drowsiness can stop him. Even if he's asleep, the demon that will normally sleep like the dead will wake himself up and make sure to give you a kiss. They're so gentle, and it's difficult to tell if its tied to his personality, or if he's afraid of hurting you. Sometimes they're as light as a feather, almost tickling you. If you're falling asleep, they'll never wake you, only guiding you towards sweeter dreams. With every movement you make, you'll almost recognize the sensation of his kisses. They're like a promise, an assurance, that even in the deepest darkest of dreams, he's right there. They always lull you into a sense of peace.

[thebrokengate]

LEWISSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

Sorry. Sorry! Reflex. 😅

Anyway, I just want to say now that I've had time to review this video this morning, HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO WELL DONE! Your readings of the queer subtext in this game are so well put together, and I also have to thank you for adding in the parts about the Don Quixote story as someone who hasn't read it and never got to know the book that made Luis into the character that he is. I found myself nodding along in agreement as well to your reading of Krauser as I consider myself, after spending multiple months after the game came out studying him like a bug under a microscope, to probably be one of the most knowledgeable people about his character and his queer coding. There are a couple things I want to add if you don't mind me doing so though!

Not only does Krauser have the "Anything to make the pretty boy feel special!" line, he also has another line that's either next to impossible to trigger or has been deleted where he tells Leon, "You rely on those pretty blues too much!" And though I can't find a clip of him saying it anywhere on video (and trust me I've tried like. every playthrough that exists on YouTube ever and if you or anyone else finds one PLEASE SEND IT TO ME I NEED IT FOR. reasons.), it is said in this collection of his lines from the game at 2:50. I'm also going to warn you before you click- volume warning because the first line that comes up is Krauser yelling "DIEEEEE" like a death metal singer and it blew out my eardrums the first time I clicked it. Please help me, I am in pain.

More on Krauser: remember when Leon says right after Luis dies, "You won't get away with this, Krauser"? Well... somebody please tell me why Leon tries to or at least thinks about leaving the fight multiple times during the arena boss battle then? The first time it happens is in the opening cutscene after Krauser says, "I've been waiting for you, rookie" where Leon's already looking for a path to escape before Krauser poses the question, "Worried about the girl, is that it?" (and then he says "That's just like you. You've always had poor judgment" which can be taken in.. a number of ways LOL. Is his judgment poor for trying to save everyone or for going after women instead of men- *gunshot sound*) When the battle kicks off, Krauser says, "Better run, rookie!" to which Leon replies, "Not like I have a choice." Which.. he absolutely has another choice: to fight back. Krauser comments several times about how shaky and unsteady Leon is while facing him, and even says, "What's wrong? Show no mercy!" He knows Leon doesn't want to do this and Leon comments multiple times in both fights against Krauser how Krauser isn't leaving him much choice but to fight him and he can't believe that Krauser is actually making him do this. The next time Leon tries to leave, it's right before Krauser uses his newfound power in las plagas to turn one arm into a weapon (before inevitably doing it to both). "Are we done here, Krauser?" Leon asks. Which makes me wonder. Uh- if he really was done, would Leon just let him walk away at this point? Krauser again comments here how Leon is too soft to do what's necessary - put Krauser out of his misery - and attacks again, knocking Leon down into the labyrinth. The final time that Leon tries to get away, he runs for the drawbridge that closes up on him and the look of pain on his face before Krauser jumps down behind him is.. it's just sad. He's tried multiple times to get away, but now he really has no choice. Every time he tries to run away, something else stops him, and now he has to go through with killing Krauser. Even when Krauser's down, he hesitates to do so for so long and had so much trouble doing so that originally, from what Mike Kovac said, Krauser was going to put his hand on Leon's on the knife to guide him to kill him but they couldn't do that because both of Krauser's arms were mutated (linking the video here. never forget what they took from us.. at 3:07:41). And I think it's worth noting too that this is the only fight where Leon tries so hard to get away. Right after this is the Saddler fight and Leon remarks, "I'll make sure you're the next to go, Saddler" and actually does it without trying to leave once. For the duration of the entire fight, Leon flip flops back and forth between trying to leave and trying to reason with Krauser, and it's such a testament to Leon's character how even after all Krauser has done, he still wants to save him (in fact, neither one of these idiots [affectionate] really wanted to kill each other and you can tell in Krauser's responses to actually killing Leon and the way he plays with his food in the first fight like you said - but it ended in death anyway).. and Leon looking back at Krauser's body in the end like a lost puppy utterly destroys me every time.

Going into a little bit about the parallels of RE2R to RE4R, every character and every boss has parallels to each other. Mendez is like the new Mr. X, some of the boss movements of Krauser in the final fight after he's mutated resemble the stage 1 Birkin fight's movements (specifically they both can grab Leon's head and both have mutations starting with the arms), even something as simple as the Garradors paralleling the Lickers - both unable to see but can hear you and are very quick to kill you with their long claws or something that resembles claws. So it's only natural that certain character dynamics parallel too. When RE4R first came out, I saw some people say that "Luis is the new Marvin Branagh" but I disagree. I think that role rather goes to Krauser - in an equal but opposite way. Both Marvin and Krauser were people meant to train and lead Leon in his line of work, Marvin as his lieutenant and Krauser as his major. They also both refer to Leon as "rookie", and Krauser taught Leon to fight with a knife, just as you receive a combat knife from Marvin in RE2R. Equal characters, but opposites. So no, I think Luis actually instead parallels Ada. At least for Leon. Why? He has a shady past, having worked with Umbrella, much like Ada has a shady past running missions for Wesker as a mercenary. He appears and disappears multiple times, leaving and rejoining Leon just like Ada did in RE2R. And there's a moment where he dies, just the way Leon originally thought Ada did at the end of RE2R except this time Luis actually does die. But what's changed here? Luis was on a mission of redemption, dying a better man than he was before, unlike in RE2R where it ends with Ada and Leon turning on each other before Ada seemingly falls to her death. They're both wounded by a third party - Ada being shot by Annette and Luis being stabbed by Krauser - as well. So if that's not more to the queer coding of Luis, I don't know what is. But I also want to elaborate on my "at least for Leon" point because, even though it's irrelevant to the queer coding, Luis acts as a parallel in Ada's story to Leon. She has to save him, he gets himself into trouble all the time, his heart is often bigger than his brain, he's the one she wants to get her the amber, she pushes him away when he tries to care for her like Leon did in RE2R... the works. Luis was a second chance for both of them to make amends with their Raccoon City past together.

Last thing to note, just... Why is there so much BDSM in this game? Jeezaloo!

But that's just a fun addition, lmao.

Anyway, this video was so good and thank you so much for sharing it with the world! :)

hi happy re4 20th. here's a 50 minute long video to celebrate it

[valar-did-me-wrong]

I just burned my hand while thinking of this Adar headcanon.. (RIP my chai) So now I'm gonna bore you all with it to distribute the suffering :3

So there are 2 major Adar origin headcanons in the fandom rn in my knowledge..

The one most people (including me a few months ago) follow in one version or another is: Adar was among the first elves who woke up in Cuvienen & got captured by Morgoth. Cuvienen Adar

Then there's a minority opinion I've heard come up sometimes (and has me in its grasp since I heard it) that Adar is a nobody Fëanorian who got taken in one of the early wars between Noldor & Morgoth. Noldo Adar

Now I love the angst of Cuvienen Adar, Eldest elf on Middle Earth not quite an elf anymore... It hurts so good 🤌🏽 but there's just something so Noldo about him too! Like his innovativeness in finding unique solutions, his fury, his burning love that keeps him going & his sheer willpower to survive so much torture.. it's VERY Fëanorian coded in my eyes!! ❤️‍🔥

So in an attempt to make both of them work, I created this headcanon which is kinda the best of both worlds for me personally!

I'd love lore experts to correct me if I'm wrong anywhere & for my fellow Adarlings to just take this as a not too serious exploration of yet another version of Adar :))

So my personal headcanon now goes that:

Yes Adar was among the first elves that woke up in Cuvienen, but specifically he was a Tatyar (2nd of the 3 groups of elves in Cuvienen with the leader Tata who was the 2nd ever elf to wake up)

A Tatyar who actually stayed behind instead of following Finwe to Valinor after Oromë had come to take the elves. So in my headcanon he is specifically a Tatyar Avari.

Which makes him kin to Noldor.

As when Oromë came to take the elves with him, half the Tatyar that went with him became Noldor in Valinor (also some parts of the 3rd group also went and became Teleri in Valinor) while those who stayed behind (from both the 2nd and 3rd groups) became Avari. So the Tatyar Avari were related to Noldor.

Now Avari in general are mentioned in some versions to be the elves who got captured by Morgoth to create orcs.. 👀

So it kinda fits the lore too, which is a bonus!

To me this headcanon adds so much more angst to Adar. Specially to his & Galadriel's interactions.

Like not only is Galadriel an elf but she is also a Noldo, from Finwë's line, who lead half the Tatyar to Valinor.. it's everything Adar gave up or lost.

He must look at Galadriel and feel like almost everything he could have been in another life is standing infront of him personified!

I wonder if he ever regretted remaining back in Middle Earth & being an Avari. If he ever regret not following Finwe to Valinor.

Maybe he did not go because he didn't want to follow but rather lead and couldn't.

Maybe thats why he was so unhappy in his existence (along with ofcourse the whole inability to have children thing which implies queerness) and could get corrupted successfully, survive so long & become Sauron's lieutenant; he was an innate leader (but the elves chose the direct descendant of Tata, Finwë instead)

There are so many stories & what ifs to be explored here tbh.

If anyone knows fics that have used this premises please do share with me!!

And if there aren't fics yet, I hope this little attempt of mine at headcanoning reaches and touches someone talented to become a fic now!

Thoughts, discussions and tears most welcome 🫶🏽

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 83: Oliver's Leg

Prev > Masterlist

tw: leg injury, body control, mind control, abuse, ableism, murder

October 1925

Oliver was trapped in nightmares that he thought would never end. Intense pain was radiating from his right leg, and his head pounded, all while the sleeping draught pulled him down into uneasy sleep that gave no rest. At some point, a nurse was trying to rouse him, but he couldn't understand what she was saying, couldn't answer her questions before dropping back into the abyss.

Among the twisted and terrifying images that his mind conjured, he kept seeing Alexander, Alexander pleading for help, Alexander turning to dust. No matter how hard he tried to push them away, his mind kept circling back to them every time he lost his grip on his thoughts.

And in so many of those nightmares, he was falling.

By the time he became more fully aware, the sun was shining bright on his eyelids. He opened them -- mercifully, he could keep them open this time -- and found that he was in a hospital bed. Curtains separated him from what was probably beds on either side of him, and through the large window he could see trees bedecked in autumn leaves.

The relief didn't last, because the next sensation that crashed into him was pain. It was if his left leg had been dipped into a fire. Through watering eyes he looked down and saw that his left leg was entombed in a vast quantity of plaster.

What had happened?

He couldn't remember. He'd fallen in so many imaginary ways that he had no idea which one was true. The last thing he remembered clearly was arguing with Vivian over killing Alexander.

And now, he realized fearfully, the sun was up. Alexander could be dead by now.

And if he wasn't…

Any thoughts he'd had about escaping the vampires were out the window now. He wasn't going anywhere, and it probably wouldn't be long until he was found. If the worst had happened and Alexander had been killed, it would be Lily coming to collect him, or worse…

And there was nothing, absolutely nothing, that he could do about it.

He sank into his pillow, trying not to sob.

"Oh, you're awake." A young nurse pushed back the curtain. "How are you?"

Normally Oliver didn't like to complain, but he felt he had to make an exception here. "I'm in a lot of pain," he choked out.

"I'm sure you are. I'm not sure if you were aware of it, but the doctor had to do a surgical procedure on your knee to set the bone. Otherwise, we might have had to amputate," she said. "I can go fetch the doctor to talk to you, and something for the pain, too."

"Thank you." The sleeping draught must have kept him unconscious during the surgery, or perhaps he'd been given something else. Everything from the night before was such a blur of the real and imagined that he had no idea. Oliver had never had surgery before, never even been in a hospital as a patient.

"Hello, Oliver," said a man with a white coat and a silver mustache, pulling back the curtain once more. "I'm the doctor who treated you last night. Seems that you had quite a fall."

"Sorry, but I don't remember." Oliver realized his throat was parched, and he choked on the last word. The doctor kindly handed him a glass of water from a nearby table.

"As the nurse told you, you had to have surgery to set the bones in place. Hopefully, that makes it more likely that your leg will heal. However, it's still going to be a long road to recovery."

"Will I be able to walk?"

"In time, if you heal well and exercise regularly, you may be able to walk with assistance --"

"With assistance?"

"You will likely need a cane or some other aid for walking. But first, you're going to be in the hospital for some time, while we keep you in that cast. After that, the staff here can help you procure a wheelchair."

"A wheelchair," Oliver repeated, seeing his brief hope for independence go up in smoke. Trapped in the hospital, the vampires could so easily subdue him if they found him; and if he required the use of a wheelchair, if he couldn't even walk, he'd be even more at their mercy. A thrall that couldn't walk, that could be pushed anywhere they wanted him to go.

How would he even climb the stairs at Alexander's manor? Would he require Alexander to carry him up and down the stairs every day?

And what of the Maestro, who strictly punished any flaw, no matter how minor? How would he treat a severely injured thrall? Would he convince Alexander that Oliver was useless, broken? Alexander could no doubt obtain another thrall, a healthy and able-bodied thrall, if he wanted one. He didn't know what vampires did to thralls that outlived their usefulness and he didn't expect to like the answer.

"I know it's a lot to take in," said the doctor. "But let me assure you, you can lead a very full life still."

Perhaps that would be true if he hadn't ever crossed the path of a vampire. "I suppose so, doctor," he said blankly.

"Do you have any family that will be able to take care of you?"

"No," he said.

The doctor looked concerned. "I see. Well, you'll need to consider what your options will be once you're released from the hospital. There are also some charities and homes that can help you -- I can have the nurses provide you with some brochures, in case you want to get in touch."

Oliver didn't care to explain that he already knew what his only option would be. "Thanks," he said.

"By the way, the person who brought you in didn't have your last name. Can we have it for our records?"

"Pines."

"Pines," the doctor repeated.

The nurse came back, holding a small cup. "Pines, is it? Who was it that brought you in? She wasn't very forthcoming about your relationship to each other."

It must have been Vivian, he supposed. "An acquaintance."

She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but thought better of it. "Well, I don't want to pry," she said, even though she obviously did want to pry. "Here, I've brought you some syrup that will dull your pain. Drink it all and take some water."

Oliver drank it without a second thought, eager to have some relief from the mind-bending pain. The doctor and nurse left him, probably expecting him to sleep, and as the pain loosened, Oliver's eyelids began to droop. He had just woken up from a deep, magic-induced sleep, but he was still so exhausted.

He didn't fight the sleep. Sleeping during the day would help him stay awake at night, in the likely event that a vampire came to collect his possession.

As he drifted off to sleep, he thought of his bookshop crammed wall-to-wall with bookcases, the narrow aisles just large enough for a person, the rickety old staircase leading up to his tiny apartment. Even if he were somehow completely free from the vampires, he wouldn't be able to navigate any of that with his injured leg. He might never be able to do that again.

---

The Maestro arrived at midnight precisely.

Oliver knew this, because he was wide awake and staring at the clock, terrified of the possibility. He had been expecting Alexander earlier in the evening, assuming that if he knew where Oliver was, he would arrive shortly after sundown. Oliver far preferred that to the alternative.

But he didn't have a choice. He didn't have any choices, any more. He couldn't escape from Alexander's sire any more than he could with Alexander there ensorcelling him. So he smoothed down his hair, his hospital gown, and his blanket as much as he could, knowing that no amount of trying to make himself look presentable would make up for the enormous, glaring injury sticking out of the sheets, encased in plaster.

The room seemed to grow darker and colder as he entered. Some of the other patients in the ward had been groaning or muttering or snoring -- all of this ended immediately, and the only sounds were the ticking of the clock and the tapping of shoes on the scuffed linoleum. It felt unreal, Oliver wondering if he were still somehow trapped in the hallucinations he'd experienced the night before.

All too soon, he was there, staring at Oliver in the hospital bed with sharp, dark eyes.

"Good evening, sir," said Oliver shakily.

"It can hardly be a good evening in a place that reeks of diseased and rotting humans. Even the blood stench is foul," he said.

Oliver could feel the control wrapping around his body. He wasn't moving Oliver, or doing anything but holding him still. Just a threat, a reminder, and a promise.

The Maestro could do anything to him, absolutely anything, and no one could stop him. Not even Alexander was there to plead for mercy. Surely this ruthless vampire didn't want Alexander to have a thrall that was below his exacting standards, and a freshly made invalid was no doubt far below those standards.

It would be so easy for him to dispose of Oliver then and there, and disappear into the night. Only Alexander would mourn him, and not openly, lest he incur more of his sire's wrath. The burning, throbbing pain of his leg made it impossible for Oliver to think of anything but his own impending death.

But death didn't come. The Maestro was still standing there, observing him.

"Your master will be punished for his irresponsibility," he said, finally. "Allowing a hunter to steal one of his thralls is an utter disgrace. Still, this sort of disappointment is what I expect from Alexander."

"Yes, sir," said Oliver meekly, remembering how badly it went when he tried to defend Alexander. Alexander wasn't even here; the Maestro would certainly do as he pleased with his sireling regardless of Oliver's protests, anyway. "I'm sorry, sir."

"As well you should be. When a dog runs away, the owner is most at fault for allowing it the opportunity; but the dog must also be punished, so that it learns a lesson."

And Oliver could feel pressure on his broken leg, a deceptively subtle twisting that produced unthinkable agony. Oliver couldn't stifle his scream, couldn't keep himself from crying, until the controlling force sealed his mouth and stilled his tongue. He thought that whatever surgical measures had been put in to save his leg must surely be torn out, that any faint hope of walking again was disappearing before his eyes. The moment dragged on for what seemed like years.

Just as suddenly as the torture began, it abated.

"I trust you have enough of a reminder not to defy your master's will, even if his enthrallment was crudely torn from you."

"Yes, sir," he said, gasping from the pain.

The Maestro was staring at him as though he were lower than a bug. "You should understand that I ordinarily would never attend a thrall at such a lowly place. Nor would I care to preserve a human whose capabilities have been thus reduced. But you have a certain potential which cannot be ignored. What's more, disposing of you would likely result in Alexander obtaining a far less suitable thrall. His taste is decidedly uneven. I trust you are grateful for this mercy."

Oliver nodded, trying desperately not to cry.

His leg was twisted again. "That will be 'yes, sir'."

"Yes, sir!" he yelped, and the terrible pain was eased.

"Hmm." There seemed to be plans in those cold eyes, plans that Oliver was certain he would not enjoy. "See to it that you recover quickly."

With an artful flourish, he produced a single, perfect red rose from the inside of his coat, and handed it to a bewildered Oliver. Then, without a further word, he stalked out of the door.

Around him, Oliver could hear the stirring of the other patients. He wondered how much they'd heard.

He pulled the thin hospital blanket over his head, hiding himself from the world. He shuddered to think what the Maestro meant by his potential. He thought of Miriam, wiped of most of her memories, her mind so addled that she didn't know where she was sometimes. That was what Lily had done to her to shield her from the effects of whatever "training" the Maestro had administered. Wouldn't Alexander have the same thing done to him? And what would happen to him first, to make that treatment necessary?

Reasonably confident that the vampire was gone, Oliver tossed the rose onto the floor and out of his sight, pricking his finger on a thorn in the process. His leg throbbed, still in agony, as his mind churned in terror. He had been a fool to even consider that he might be able to gain his freedom. Perhaps it would have been better if the Maestro had deemed him useless and disposed of him.

Oliver assumed he would never be able to get to sleep after that, but at some point he must have, because he opened his eyes to a terrified shriek. The patients all turned to the door to the hall, and the more able-bodied ones were getting up from their beds to take a look. "There's nothing to see," said a nurse, blocking the doorway. "Get back to your beds."

"Is she dead?" a woman cried out, looking over the nurse's shoulder.

"It'll be a matter for the police. Back to your beds!" The nurse was joined by a janitor, who successfully herded the patients back and closed the door.

"What did you see?" The patients crowded the woman who had caught a glimpse.

"There was a woman, dead, bent over the desk. Her neck was all bloody, like someone slit her throat."

"It was one of the night nurses," said another patient. "Betsy, her name was."

As the group of patients near the door murmured in horror, Oliver shrank into his bed, wishing it would swallow him whole. A nurse dead of a neck wound, on the same night the Maestro had come to pay his visit. That wasn't a coincidence. That was a warning, a show of power. A demonstration that Oliver couldn't run and hide, not without leaving a trail of innocent bodies behind him.

He had known deep in his gut that something like this would happen if he tried to escape. Vivian was probably dead as well, and maybe even the rest of the people at the safe house, including Emily. Dead because Oliver, who had never been wanted by anyone, now had the most desirable blood in the city.

And what could Oliver do? He didn't want to go back, he didn't want to face any further punishment the Maestro had in store for him. But he was helpless with his shattered leg, and even if he wasn't, where would he go where the Maestro couldn't find him?

The only one who might be able to help him now was Alexander, the root cause of the problem, and Oliver knew he'd be seeing him soon.

Prev > Masterlist

Next week: Alexander is turned.

Thanks for reading!

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[lapdogged]

Hi.

I'm not really sure what to say in this. I've never been good with words, especially serious ones.

If you're reading this. I'm probably dead. Or dying. Or something. I might queue this early so that I can reread it? Like 1am something. But, like, if it's Monday my time it's just too late for anything. I took a bunch of pills, got comfy, slept, and didn't wake up.

Hi. My name is Namida, I use he/they/star/prin/royal. At the time of posting this, Luminescence (he/heart/blood/bone/gum), Katerina (ask pronouns), Scotty (he/him), and Martyr (he/him) are also here. Technically others (Damian he/she, Maren she/her, Charles he/him) but, like, we're the ones taking the leap.

Collectively. Our name is Francis Noele Mae, or Saint, or the Church of Strabismus, or Bishops of Divinity, or Seraphim System, blah blah blah. They/He/Se/Shi. Masc, nonhuman, femmasc terms, blah blah.. we're a system, we're B/H/OCPD, AuDHD, c-ptsd, gad, mdd, spd, a few other things? We're physically/mentally disabled and going blind.

I like to think we're creative. I think I can be sweet, I think I'm caring. I think I'm pretty smart. I'm not very strong, or pretty, but I think my body's nice. I think I'm handsome. I think my friends like (liked?) me. I think I was a good artist and a good flag maker and a good comfort. I hope I did okay.

I like needy streamer overload, Undertale, Stardew valley, animal crossing, Minecraft, sanrio, cult of the lamb, FNAF, FNF, ciel fledge, collecting, cutecore, designing, decorating, and sweatpants. My very favorite scent is vanilla almond, my favorite food is zuppa toscana, and my favorite outfits include either hello kitty or a unicorn onesie.

i was born on July 28th, 2009, a week later than my due date. As soon as I was born, I was already loud and babbling. My mama says she cried when she saw me, because I was a girl (oops, she was wrong)! When I was a toddler I'd throw all the toys into my brother's crib and crawl in to play with him.

I was a very sensitive kid, cried everyday of elementary. Old teachers will tell you that, but then they 'forget' to point out how badly I was bullied. I was obsessed with hugs, art, and math, and was baby Jesus in my 3rd grade Mardi Gras parade. I have a scar on my forehead from cracking it open, and I still hate recalling my eye surgery.

Middle school was hard as fuck. I spent a lot of those days at home hiding from the world, my mom annoyed as I cried and pleaded to skip yet again. I finally cut off a horrible best friend, as well as a lot of online abusers. It was around this time that I was diagnosed with GAD/depression, and the time that AuDHD started to be suspected.

I'm in high school now. Barely survived 9th, and sorry to say I'm only half through 10th. I can't do it. Everything's too big. I couldn't even do my work, and now I failed 5 classes, and everyone is busy with babies or medicals or wills or money or all of it, and there's just no room left for us. No more room for their "Ophi" and definitely none for "Francis."

I love you all. So, so, so much. This is not your fault. It was never your fault and never, ever will be your fault. I just couldn't be strong anymore.

Goredad, I love you. You helped me on my worst days, you helped me figure myself out, you made me feel like things could get better..even if they didn't.

Momdad, I love you. I'm sorry I'm breaking my promise, but I'm just too tired. I can't breathe anymore. I can't see anywhere else to go. That's not your fault, okay?

Ivy, I love you. You made me smile, you made me forget the worst of it for a while. I wouldn't have, couldn't have made it this far without you. You are so, so special.

Alex, god, I love you. You're my brother. You're my puddle. You're my best friend. You made me so, so happy. You make me so happy now. You're so, so good, you are such a good person.

Nalu, I love you. You're my twin, you're my friend, you mean so much to me. I'm so sorry I stopped texting, I just got too scared and too tired.

To everyone I've loved, to everyone I've ever helped or been helped by or spoken to,

Please survive. Please don't come after me. I know this is not the right decision for me to make but it's the only one I have. You have options, I promise. You can grow older and be happy and forget about me. You'll move on one day and you'll forget about me and you'll never even remember the name Francis.

This is me and my teddy. His name is Theodore but he only goes by Teddy. He's my favorite thing in the whole world. I got him when I was four and I've had him ever since.

I may be dying in my body. But I don't want us to die in spirit. Please, just love the memory of me for a little while. Share a picture of me or a video of my voice or anything. I have a few posts queued, too, so don't freak out if you see my blog ghost post, lol.

some pictures of cats I like

I won't be coming back. I'm not going to be alive to come back. I've already decided what I'm doing, I'm taking as many pills as I can. I'm going to wear my favorite outfit (my hello kitty and my onesie), I'm going to be holding my teddy and wrapped up in my weighted blanket, and I'm going to be listening to my favorite playlist, the one he made me.

And then I am going to shut my eyes.

And then I am not going to wake up.

I'm sorry.

[aberfaeth]

cleo @chasedeys made one of these and im procrastinating various responsibilities and tasks so i said why not! long-winded rationale below the cut and i mean LONNGGGGGG. full of haterisms but also love <3

ONE PRIDE

my babies my sweeties my cinnamon applessss the whole reason i got genuinely into football in like 2022 was bc i watched them nearly not eat shit against the bills on thanksgiving while my uncle sitting next to me explained the Fucking Curse i.e. that the lions will always lose in whatever way is most devastating to the people who care about their success. and i went HEY! NARRATIVE!!! and now the lions are REALLY GOOD and still managing to lose in the way most devastating to the people who care about their success. as i've said many a time i truly hope some enterprising individual exhumes and exorcises the bones of bobby layne i think that's the only way out but in all earnestness getting INTO into football these past few months i am so grateful these are our guys even through all the emotional turmoil. they've got an energy in the locker room i genuinely haven't seen replicated anywhere else in the league like those guys all adore each other unreservedly and they adore dan and it's so special to watch. LONGASS PLAYER RANT INCOMING amon-ra st brown my princess with so many mental problems one of these days i'm gonna make a webweave about how he has all sixteen wide receivers drafted before him and their colleges memorized and also how his dad gave him and his brothers the "st" because he thought it would look good on a jersey and had him lifting weights age 5 like. john brown you seem like a wonderful father i just think your children might have complexes. JAH AND MONTY SONIC AND KNUCKLES MY TWO HEADED MONSTER they're everything to me the way it's just purely admiration and support between them even though splitting touches is probably not the best for their careers like they just genuinely loved each other from the jump. i get emo thinking about all the shit they've each been through and to be able to come to the lions at the same time and just. find each other and feel safe enough in detroit to let themselves loose and have fun RAUGH. jg16 im the worlds number one jared goff glazer idgaf i will sing his praises from the mountaintop. im not like delusional i know he isn't in the same conversation as lamar/josh/joe/That Devil but i think the idea that the lions need a dual threat qb is so ridiculous like yeah we certainly are lacking offensive weapons here with our #2 ranked yards per game THE POINT is that a qb is more than just stats and jared goff is a leader of men like that offensive line would all take ten bullets for him and it's because he is a genuinely kind person and so so so easy to love. god. um. TA TERRION ARNOLD MY OTHER PRINCESS WITH NO MENTAL PROBLEMS AT ALL FRANKLY seeing him excited and smiley after the divisional loss bc why would you not be excited going 15-2 as a rookie hitting an insane amount of snaps most of your player core young and still on contract the world is laid out in front of you!!!!! cured my depression and i can't wait to see him continue to come into his own GOD the secondary is all so fond of each other thinking about him and kerby That's My Rook I Don't Let Nobody Play By My Rook..him and bb....him and dmo jah and craig in the who would you let date your daughter youtube short SHAKING MY FIST AT THE SKY sam laporta!!!!!!!!!!! my golden receiver king of the one handed dive catch im obsessed with his vernacular like only guy alive to use "sick" and "preposterous" in the same sentence how are you from illinois and have half a surfer accent JAMOOOOOO in possession of the best laugh in the known universe and such a goddamn weirdo like the mcflurry burger thing and his apparently Eclectic music taste let me see your spotify downloads please HUTCH!!! absolutely vicious ice cold hilarious but also so levelheaded did you guys know he listens to instrumentals to hype himself up before games like. he gave hans zimmer as an example. so many more tooooo i didnt even mention lif or penei or craig or any of the kicking unit or our free agents like tim and cd3 IM JUST. man. the detroit lions. Man

deep and enduring fondness

bengals every day i think about the post that's like. joe wearing ja'marr's old worn natty jersey to a bengals game day, the greatest love story of all time is happening in the graveyard of fandoms if this was hockey there would be skywriting about it. BECAUSE IT'S REAL joemarr genuinely baffle me with the level of insane devotion they have to each other like just off the top of my head. ja'marr saying joe's like a god to him. "i've never [played without ja'marr]had that, and i don't wanna have that" "[i work] with joe only. i don't throw with other quarterbacks--i don't wanna". joe burrow #1 in the league pat who. the fucking pinky swear handshake the donut thing "we did a lot of stuff but not on a boat"???? "he try flying knee kicks on me sometime" "we mess around every now and then" "make sure your bags are packed and ready i didn't believe it but he proved me wrong" the clothes saga ANYWAYS. TEEEEEE HIGGINSSSSSSS another guy who like. i read his players tribune article and god he has been through so much and to come out so KIND he is a little piece of the sun in a human body the reaction timer video with ja’marr cheering him on in the bg “forget batman he’s fucking superman” and joe and ja’marr obviously love him so much would sign him themselves “wanna play with him for eternity” if the bengals FO lets him go i fear i will never forgive them. & i know there are other players on this team and i care for them also (mike! 23rookies! trey! ctb!) butjesus christ joeteemarr the world…. vikings closest rival to lions in pure strength of culture i think like god that video of everyone lifting sam onto their shoulders !!! :') cam and his dance recitals.... josh metellus king of the locker room interview....justin jefferson and his beautiful big brown eyes like a cow every time i saw him on the sideline of that rams game i had to put my face in my hands and be so sad for him. and KOC!!! like i said with dan its so so special when you can tell a team just fucking adoooooores their coach and it's so clear with KOC that he really is a player's coach OH AND ALSO IK HE'S INJURED BUT JJ MCCARTHY MICHIGAN BOY he's gonna carry next year i just know it ravens so my aunt lives in baltimore and owns a purple car that she bought because that's how much she loves the ravens. i lived in bmore for 4 years so they're one of my hometown teams too!! obviously lamar jackson is the people's princess and there's nothing more in the universe i want than for him to succeed like he is so goddamned talented and he's such a sweetheart and i really need to try his cologne IT WAS SO CUTE WHEN THEY PASSED IT AROUND THE LOCKER ROOM AND EVERYONE WAS COMPLIMENTING IT LIKEE anyways "kick everybody ass hit everybody hit the r--i was about to say hit the ref DO NOT HIT THE REFS" his lil giggles when he gets tackled i CARE ABOUT HIMMMMMM OKAYYYYYY also london @glittersgloom and cleo have opened my eyes to the beautiful world of derrick henry and i need to find like. clips of him micd or something hey if anyone is reading this can you send me derrick henry content thank you panthers BRYCE YOUNGGGGGG MY SHAYLAAAAA he has had such a whirlwind two years and im so goddamn proud of him (context my parents live in NC so the panthers are also a hometown team LMFAO i get too damn attached to Locations) that one clip of robert hunt saying dont call him BY Reap cause he said it sounded a lil evil leave that baby alone...... his room just so clearly adores him as they SHOULD !!! chuba adam and xavier too I REALLY BELIEVE IN THE PANTHERS SWEEPING THE NFC SOUTH NEXT YEAR I DO

i like em

cowboys so when i was in middle school in new jersey and everyone around me was a giants fan but i had quirky girl disorder i decided i was going to be Cool and Different and root for the dallas cowboys because my dad had dez bryant on his fantasy team and so i do have a lingering fondness for them even though tony romo's stupid voice pisses me off every sunday. and CEEDEEEEEE CEEDEE LAMB most beautiful man in the world i wish all happiness and success for him bills, texans started making that your graduation stosh edit last week had a panic attack bon appetit no but for real the Narrative. absolutely agonizing. i love when men say insane things about each other like "Since I met him, it kinda clicked. You don't click with everybody. That's somebody I felt like, damn, I could grow old with you. I can see myself with you for a while" and then GET DIVORCED #SAD anyways. i love you cj stroud i love you dion dawkins giants, commanders MALIK NABERS WE WILL GET YOU OUT OF NEW YORK !!!!!! in all seriousness though that clip of jayden picking him up from behind and swinging him around lives rent free in my head and it's london's fault (love you). division rivals and you're cheering for him at his playoff game Mannnnn lsu strikes again. for real though jayden daniels rookie of the decade im enamored by him and his effortless chill demeanor i hope he comes back and wins a ring but like not in the next five years because the lions have to sweep the division for at least half a decade dolphins, pats, jets i've got homies who like these guys!!! shoutout to my roommate's dad and two of my coworkers <3 i like when mike had to get on his tippy toes to kiss the side of tua's head i like that the pats are such a failgirl team without tom brady and i like that the jets are gunning for the longest playoff drought in all of superbowl era nfl history. good luck aaron glenn i'm sure you will have a different go of it than the eight million one and done defensive jets HCs before you (genuine)

neutral zone of obscurity

not much to say here. i like that the bucs had that thing with the duck that was fun. and im tempted to start caring about the jags on account of it would be funny to collect the nfl kitty teams like pokemon. otherwise no thoughts im sorryyyyyy

mild distaste and/or extreme ambivalence

rams i care about matthew stafford i really do. he took such shit for the lions for so goddamn long. on the other hand you get him on a hot mic oneeeeee time saying shit about kerby joseph after a completely clean tackle and now all of a sudden everyone and their mother is an expert on tackling tight ends and the prevailing narrative that he's a dirty player is actually affecting his livelihood (pro bowl noms) and that pisses me off. mr stafford apologize right neow eagles god their fans are the worst in the fucking league. genuinely atrocious and it makes me kinda hate them even though i like jalen (THE POST RAMS INTERVIEW WHERE HES DEF OFF A PERC TALKING IN RHYMING COUPLETS GIGGLING AND SHIT) and aj and honestly ok saquon on the eagles is their main redeeming factor like i would be truly happy for him to win a ring i really would bears division rivals except they aren't as fun as the vikes so they get put down here. caleb williams my pookie we'll get you an oline don't you even worry about it. genuinely though i do love him like it seems like it should be such a nothing thing in the year of our lord 2025 but the fact that dudebros are still insanely homophobic about the nail polish in any given comment section makes me very proud of him for sticking with it. it looks very nice on you caleb. BEN JOHNSON WE ARE NOT ON SPEAKING TERMS (i understand this was the only logical choice for him and we're lucky to have had him this year and he's a brilliant offensive mind and i'm sure he'll do great things but TO OUR OWN DIVISION????? BEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

genuine devilry occurring here

49ers ok i have all the respect in the world for the frock warriors on this website but the 49ers do kind of disgust me as a team writ large like. watching receivers on netflix and you genuinely would not be able to tell deebo and george are on the same team bc they are straight up segregated like cmc's wedding and george's birthday party come straight out of a midsommar outtake and this is not even to mention that awful little freak nick bosa like i do hope he gets cte and it ruins his life and career heart emoji browns fuck deshaun watson im so serious until that team gets rid of him i will be praying and cheering for their downfall every single time chiefs ohh this is last because it's my boring bitch answer like the chiefs are barely fun to hate on anymore cause everyone's doing it but i do believe they have access to some dark devilish magics and i am tired of seeing taylor swift on my goddamn television. sorry women. on a realer note i am still not fond of kareem hunt like im not saying people can't grow and change esp after seven? years but he did assault a teenager on tape and i think you maybe shouldn't be allowed to sign a million dollar contract after doing that OH MY GOD AND HARRISON BUTKER. ANOTHER ABSOLUTE FREAK. FUCK THE CHIEFS SERIOUSLY

green bay

[differenteagletragedy]

Idk if you take request but I am malnourished and need Baxter becoming a dad to his and mc’s kids to nourish my hunger

Not forcing ofc! Please write what you are comfortable with, I won’t take it personal if you decide to ignore this! :3

Daddy Baxter my beloved! More Daddy Baxter can be found:

Here, the original and here, the second baby and here, with Uncle Cove and finally here, the holiday special!

As a man, Baxter was efficient. Precise. Not cold, especially not with you, but he ran like a machine. A side effect, you supposed, of pushing down all those pesky, messy little human parts of himself for all those years.

It took months into the relationship to get him to really loosen up a little, to let himself believe that you wanted to stay, even if he wasn't perfect. That if he forgot to plan dinner because work got too stressful or if he slept in a little too long on a free Sunday that you wouldn't bolt. That's what he was used to -- leaving. Fleeting moments, built to fall apart.

But as a father ... he was free.

You saw it in the quiet moments. The peaceful, relaxed look on his face when your baby girl fell asleep in his arms after a long crying spell. The look of sheer joy on his face -- not his soft little smirk, but a wide, goofy, toothy grin -- when she took her first steps towards him. He shrugged it off later while you were doing the laundry, showing him the grass stains on the knees of his pants from where he'd knelt in the yard, arms open wide to catch her if she fell.

"I don't know if I can get this out," you'd told him, holding up the piece of clothing so he could see.

"Don't worry about it," he responded, moving to wrap his around around your waist, his chest pressed to your back. "It's not important."

He placed a soft kiss on the back of your neck, and his meaning was clear: you were important. This moment, a small little slice of domesticity, a little bit of proof of the life you'd so sweetly given him, was important.

You dropped the pants, putting your hands over his forearms, holding him in place.

"You ever think about having more kids?" you asked softly.

He chuckled, a deep rumble you felt against you.

"If you want to have another baby, all you need to do is tell me. I'm not going anywhere.

[spaceorphan18]

Hi! You mentioned you were a bit disappointed by part 2 - what do you think could've been done better? Personally I needed more Colin, I felt like he got lost in the Whistledown plot

Hi Nonny!

Ooff, I have very complicated feelings about all of this, lol.

I was initially disappointed when I first watched because there are a lot of subtle emotions going on and it all goes by so quickly, and is in such short bursts that it's hard to unpack all of it on first watch. It also COMPLETELY plays with expectations and has them in the middle of a fight while getting married which is... so bonkers. So bonkers. And it is incredibly disorienting.

Having rewatched it (multiple times now) and having some MAJOR revelations about Colin (I mean I was casually watching two months ago -- I had zero real idea bout his character) I actually love a lot of the second half, and really appreciate what they were going for.

Is it perfect? No - there are still some issues (I'll get to that in a sec) but I appreciate the story that they were attempting to tell. Because it's fascinating. And there are a lot of delicious elements to it.

I think one of the biggest issues is that they were trying to cram this incredibly complex story into 8 episodes. And with the addition of the million subplots, it didn't fully work. Honestly, I wish we had gotten an episode or two longer just to let the full story breathe a little more.

I agree that, overall, they we needed a tad more of Colin's process. It's there but it's subtle. And I think his entire character arc, while there, is subtle. As just a casual viewer who hadn't watched the previous seasons - ngl, I felt slightly lost and slightly disappointed that we didn't get to see /more/.

Also it's hard. HARD. That they don't get to connect post-wedding, because Whistledown still hangs down over them. Because you WANT to them to have that post-wedding bliss. You WANT them to consummate the marriage and have that after glow and we don't get that. And my god, I really wanted to wake up in bed together, happy and blissful like we got with Kanthany.

But that's not the story.

I will say, once I unpacked it a little - the story we get is absolutely delicious. And I actually really love what we did get. There's this fascinating angst there -- where the characters are so IN LOVE and yet they both have their own journeys of dealing with the Whistledown of it all. And the fact that they do go through with this wedding, the fact that their their friendship means they have groundwork to get them through the nonsense, it's so good. I really love it.

But yeah, ultimately, I just wanted more of it. Because we don't get enough. But, honestly, I feel like we'd never get enough really.

About the side plots -- I haven't gone back and watch the first two seasons other than the rewatch I did a month ago. I'll have to see how many subplots are in those seasons, because idk know if there are /that/ many more. It's just that we're used to Polin being the subplot that it's odd when someone else takes that space.

About the ending -- here's where I feel like it could have been better. And here's where I think that maybe Season 4 can deliver on what was ultimately cut short in Season 3. I think Season 4 will have them be a united front and whatever Pen is going to go through they go through it together.

But we also get the happiness we didn't fully get at the end of Season 3. I hope -- would like to believe that Polin will settle into their comfortable roles as subplots again.

And maybe selfishly, I hope the show can keep Nic and Luke as long as possible because -- with their story being there from the beginning they have the chance to be a backbone of the entire show. And I mean, think about how much story that accumulates over all those seasons.

Anyway - I have more to say about the episodes, and maybe I'll kind of write up more on Season 3 as a whole, or episode by episode or something. Because, y'all who've been here with me know, media analysis has just become my second job. (I say as if I don't love every second of it.)

[chirpsythismorning]

🎨 🖼️ 🌈 🩹 🧍🏽💡 🔮⚡️☄️

You’ve Really Got a Hold on Me by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

[zoekrystall]

Saw certain tweets and here once again a reminder which a twt mutual luckily wrote shorter than I could (plus public so I can rb bc no way I do that myself on that site)

Also

And if you want smth I wrote myself which is longer and not just abt that here you go

[moodlesmain]

while im (takes a deep breath to hold back my rage) sympathetic to the fans of Those Wizard Books who're taking a death of the author approach so long as they're not supporting the series financially or actively promoting it and are sticking to fan communities, I really, *really* wish people would put away their merch. Because when I see someone in public with merch from it, I always have to wonder if I'm safe around them as a trans person, if my trans friends are safe. And that's a sucky feeling to have, especially when talking to people who otherwise seems perfectly fine and nice!!! A lot of HP fans are just, people!!! Who maybe don't know what the big deal is, or have chosen to deal with the problem by doubling down to spite the author!! But even when I know for a fact they're totally safe or even trans themselves, I don't want to be constantly reminded of the series whose author is an incredibly rich and powerful person whose whole agenda for the past several years has been to push back against the rights of people like me, and who people like my own god damn mother is more willing to listen to about trans people than her own nonbinary child.

I know it's irrational to feel surges of rage at the mere mention of a popular multimedia franchises, but while I know not every trans person is bothered by it, I also know that a lot of trans people and even allies *are* bothered by it. Just... begging for some understanding, and for people to just PLEASE dial back their fandom-ing in public spaces, especially mostly queer spaces. You don't know how much difference it might make in the comfort and feeling of safety for the trans people around you

[catboybiologist]

“As a biologist, the terms biological woman and man don’t make any sense to me” okay then you’re an idiot and a terrible biologist. I swear to god, morons like you only become biologists just so you can hold it over others, when in reality, if biology deniers like you can become biologists, then being one really doesn’t mean much anyway. But this probably just gave an autogynophile like you a boner to read, anyway.

Oh fun! Haven't gotten one of these in a while. Disregarding the fact that you somehow think the qualification for being a biologist entirely hinges on defining womanhood, I do need to ask some clarification. I know I'm feeding the trolls here, but here we go: does your definition of "biological woman" mean:

Sociological woman? Eh, context dependent, I'm not fully out of the closet, but oftentimes, I am and present femme. So let's call that one 50/50.

Psychological woman? Because I am one.

Neurological woman? Because I am one [1].

Physical woman? My soft tissue redistribution is handling that well.

Hormonal woman? My blood tests are within cis female ranges.

Transcriptional woman? As a signalling molecule, the downstream effects of estrogen have broad transcriptional effects, completely changing the profile of gene expression and functional genomics of my cells. [2]

Genetic woman? I mean, see my above point- as far as my genes that are actually active, I have all of the same transcripts being produced, controlling which genes are expressed.

Karyotypic woman? I actually have a few signs pre-HRT that might point to a non-XY chromosome pair, but I haven't had a karyotype. We'll put that down as unknown. And hell, even if its XY, there's plenty of cis women who are karyotypically XY, with suppressed sry or complete androgen insensitivity. Interestingly enough, a completely androgen insesitive woman can go her whole life without knowing- and functionally, is very similar to a trans woman, actually. Fancy that. [3]

Reproductive woman? I can't produce an egg cell, but neither can significant fractions of cis women. Also, this is all gonna change soon, which is fun. [4]

There's also a lot of understudied aspects to the biology of HRT and even pre-HRT that are emerging, largely demonstrating widespread cellular and genetic remodeling of trans individuals undergoing hormone therapy. The field is a bit behind due to constant political pressure to revoke funding, but a lot of the results are extremely exciting in both testosterone and estrogen hormone therapies. I'm sure that, as a self professed biology As someone who presumably has a lot of expertise in biology, I'm assuming that you're aware of all of this cutting edge research, and are keeping up with modern papers, including but not limited to these cool findings:

Trans men on HRT exhibit significant genetic and transcriptional changes that make them biochemically male. [5][6]. It's a good hypothesis that the same happens with estrogen treatment, but those studies don't exist yet- I'm sure you're reserving judgment until more publications exist, of course.

Trans men on HRT develop male cell types and tissues. [7]

Trans women experience muscular and blood cell changes that align with cis women moreso than cis men [8]

And many, many more! This is an exciting, underserved, and groundbreaking field of research, and I'm sure you're keeping up with the latest in scientific journals about it.

I'm sure, of course, that you understand that it becomes impossible to draw a distinct line anywhere in here, and that words like "woman" are shorthand for the myriad of traits that invisibly synthesize in our mind and in society to represent a concept? I'm sure you understand that science is fundamentally descriptive, not prescriptive? I'm sure that you understand that these findings, while really cool and interesting, actually don't mean jack shit about what the word "woman" means or not?

As someone who is the ultimate decider in what a biologist is, I'm sure you know that bioessentiallism is a childish mindset that completely ignores and disregards the constantly changing, dynamic nature of biological systems, something that extends well beyond biological sex and its relation to gender.

I'm sure that also, that you understand that beyond just this, that the role of science in society is to advise how to achieve our moral principles, not create moral principles in themselves. And I'm sure that understanding means you know that trans affirming healthcare and supportive societal treatment leads to reduced mortality and increased happiness for everyone, right?

So great to talk to someone who is surely a scientist on this. You are a biologist, if you're talking like this, I assume? I assume you're not going to spit complete misreadings of scientific language from the background sections of these papers that only reveal you've never read a scientific paper in your life if you're thinking this way? I assume you have experience interpreting data like this?

Also, imagining my genitalia while writing this? Ew. Please stop projecting your fetishes into my inbox.

Works cited:

Kurth F, Gaser C, Sánchez FJ, Luders E. Brain Sex in Transgender Women Is Shifted towards Gender Identity. J Clin Med. 2022 Mar 13;11(6):1582. doi: 10.3390/jcm11061582. PMID: 35329908; PMCID: PMC8955456.

Fuentes N, Silveyra P. Estrogen receptor signaling mechanisms. Adv Protein Chem Struct Biol. 2019;116:135-170. doi: 10.1016/bs.apcsb.2019.01.001. Epub 2019 Feb 4. PMID: 31036290; PMCID: PMC6533072.

Gottlieb B, Trifiro MA. Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. 1999 Mar 24 [Updated 2017 May 11]. In: Adam MP, Feldman J, Mirzaa GM, et al., editors. GeneReviews® [Internet]. Seattle (WA): University of Washington, Seattle; 1993-2024. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK1429/

Murakami, K., Hamazaki, N., Hamada, N. et al. Generation of functional oocytes from male mice in vitro. Nature 615, 900–906 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41586-023-05834-x

Pallotti F, Senofonte G, Konstantinidou F, Di Chiano S, Faja F, Rizzo F, Cargnelutti F, Krausz C, Paoli D, Lenzi A, Stuppia L, Gatta V, Lombardo F. Epigenetic Effects of Gender-Affirming Hormone Treatment: A Pilot Study of the ESR2 Promoter's Methylation in AFAB People. Biomedicines. 2022 Feb 16;10(2):459. doi: 10.3390/biomedicines10020459. PMID: 35203670; PMCID: PMC8962414.

Florian Raths, Mehran Karimzadeh, Nathan Ing, Andrew Martinez, Yoona Yang, Ying Qu, Tian-Yu Lee, Brianna Mulligan, Suzanne Devkota, Wayne T. Tilley, Theresa E. Hickey, Bo Wang, Armando E. Giuliano, Shikha Bose, Hani Goodarzi, Edward C. Ray, Xiaojiang Cui, Simon R.V. Knott, The molecular consequences of androgen activity in the human breast, Cell Genomics, Volume 3, Issue 3, 2023, 100272, ISSN 2666-979X, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.xgen.2023.100272. (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666979X23000320)

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[metranart]

— HAWKS + DABI + BAKUGO + SHIGARAKI || THINGS THIS LOVESICK BOYS SAY WHEN IN BED WITH YOU

-----------HEADCANONS-----------

HAWKS

“Oh, my darling...fuck, keep doing that.” 

“You're so beautiful, I'm so glad we found each other.”

“I know I’m a mess-… what else was I supposed to do while waiting to make you mine?” 

“Lay back and let me do all the work. I’ve dreamed of eating your pretty pussy all week.”

“Hey, don’t shy away from me. C’mere-”

“You’re so fuckin’ soft. Shiiit…”

“Hey—no teasing the feathers.”

“I n-need to-... I just-…-I’m going to start moving now.”

“Arms around my neck and legs around my hips— ngh! Gravity is a bitch, I don’t want you falling on me, at least, not literally.”

“What a good mate, you respond to me so well."

“I’m so fuckin’ deep, my pretty girl-”

“Fuck—I can’t... I’m not gonna last-”

“Don’t be embarrassed. I love when you squirt on my face.”

“God I’ve wanted this for so long. I’m going to breed your pussy every day, all day long, even after I’ve knocked you up.”

“We're both getting older, babe, and if we want to have more chicks than stars in the sky, then we need to get started.”

“Tell me you love me-… tell me again.”

“I do get ahead of myself often, but I can’t help it. I just know we belong together-” 

“What do you say we try for a baby this time?”

"You’d be adorable, so swollen and full that you can't walk, that you'd have to rely on me for everything...”

“Touch yourself, c’mon. Let me see how you play the right notes.”

“You're going to be a wonderful mother for my chicks.”

“Let me help you move pretty, put your hands on mine.”

“No one’s gonna hear if I put my hand here… no biting, hun.”

“I’ll make it quick, darling... just—let me… let me go again.”

“Need a hand or a finger?”

“Just wait, baby... Fuuuuck—give me a damn minute.”

“Keep your eyes on me.”

“Arch your back, there you go, such a good girl.”

“Fuck, even after cumming you aren’t ready to accommodate my size. Don’t worry, baby,” he kisses your creased forehead, “—then just the tip this time.”

“Shit, I can’t help it—” you can feel him twitching excitedly inside you. “I just like you so damn much!” He grunts and snaps his hips again, diving deeper. 

“Just bear with me, I swear I’ll eat you for hours after…. Please, pretty, pleaseeeee…” He kept his pace, practically purring with his throaty groans. 

“No matter how much you didn’t want to admit it, I know how to fuck you well, ain’t I, beautiful?” 

“C’mon let me hear you, I can feel you getting tighter… my cock’s rubbing those hard-to-reach places…. Fuck! I- slid in so easily.”

“I’m painfully close-…. Fuck, I don’t want to cum yet…”

 “Is this your sweet spot I’m bullying?” 

“Each thrust is inching you closer… should I slow down or go faster?”

“Deeper? Okey-… just try to keep it together, I have neighbors.” 

“Give me one more. please, just one more baby.”

“Try to keep your eyes open, I know it’s hard…b-but try for me beautiful.”

“Go ahead and sleep, honey, I’m not going anywhere.”

NSFW ART OF THIS HEADCANONS IN MY PATREON

DABI

“What’d I did to deserve such a pretty thing like ya?”

“I’ve barely touch you. You really that hot for me, sweetheart?”

“Open your legs, not gonna say it again.”

“Doesn’t hurt, its already scarred skin.”

“If I have to kiss your tears away again, you are gonna get it— I’ve already told ya, it doesn’t hurt anymore-”

“Bury your hands in my hair, yes... Just like that.”

“Stop pushing me away. You’re gonna take it all, don’t make me shove it down your throat.”

“You love to play the feeble act, but your moans give you away, princess.”

“Nuh-uh, you haven’t cum yet.”

“I said ass up.”

“You want it so bad? beg.”

“Take them off before I rip them off of you, doll. Don’t try me.”

“Harder,” he mutters, not a minute after you started. “Harder,” he demands again.

“Could you go any slower? Ride me like you mean it, princess. I know you can.”

“Can barely feel that shit. You gotta do better than that, princess. You know I like it rough.”

“Fuck,” he bit out. “Yes, fuck…. Just like that.”

“Come on pretty girl. Ride me till you’re numb, yeah? Want you to fuck yourself stupid on my cock today.”

“Move my hands again and see what happens-”

“Fuck—” 

“Sorry, baby-… I just had to jump at the opportunity to sink my cock deeper.”

“Sit on it.”

“Worried it won’t fit? We always make it work just fine—”

“I don’t have condoms, they’re annoying.” He grunts the reply, inwardly absorbed with impatience. 

“Don’t move—Just gimme a minute… F-Fuck…”

“You fuckin’ genius, dammit, I love you so damn much! Not even I knew that spot— …” He shakes his head, in disbelief of the pleasure, even more so that you been the one to give it to him.

“Did you do that on purpose, princess? ‘cause now we are doing it every time.” 

“Fuck that. Don’t know if you heard sweetheart, but you were made for me to fuck and breed.”

“Stop it, no more whining—I’ll do my best to be…. gentler.” 

“Really? resist me all you want. I know you love being treated like this.”

“Ridiculous, I could stare at your pretty cunt all day long.” 

“Fuck Yeah! I adore the way your thighs tremble like jelly after you cum.”

“Should I pull out? Nah, better give me a daughter to spoil.”

“Unless you were playing with yourself before I got here, I’m guessing this is because of my pretty face?”

“Over my knee, now.”

“Sure, I love ya— but you are not in charge here, princess. Fuckin’ spread them for me.”

“Want me to spank that pussy? lay on my lap then-”

“One’s never enough, I know my princess’s pussy and its begging for another.”

NSFW ART OF THIS HEADCANONS IN MY PATREON

BAKUGO (NSFW art teaser here!)

“Do you want me to fuck you harder, cutie?”

“You can be loud, I love to hear you, (Y/N).”

“I’ve waited so long for this...”

“That’s it... slow and easy—” 

“How much longer you gonna make me wait, baby?”

“You ever take it raw? Get a big load of cum in your pussy? —don’t shy on me, I know you love when I talk dirty to you.”

“Take it off before I tear it off.”

“Baby... please...I hate to beg-”

“Make me wait much longer and I’ll have to fuck you in an alley somewhere.”

“What a naughty little girl I have just to myself.”

“Ugh, so hot and wet.” 

“I said I wanted to eat your pussy, didn’t I? Just sit back and enjoy it, baby girl.”

“I’d hate to stop teasing you right before the fun part.”

“It’s so warm...”

“Who do you belong to?” 

 “Whose pussy is this? Say who you belong to.”

“God, what a good fucking cunt. It keeps clenching on my cock like it’s hungry for more milk. You want that? You want me to fill you up?”

“As you wish, princess.”

“You gonna cum?” 

“Go on, gorgeous. Cum on Daddy’s cock.”

“Fucking take it... take every drop...” 

“Nice and stuffed... all mine... my little slutty girl...”

“I said spread those fuckin’ folds.”

“So wet and tight, but my cock just slides right in. It’s like you were born to take me inside of your cunt.”

“Aren’t you a sight. All blissed out when we aren’t even done.”

“That’s right, darlin’. You didn’t think you could tease me for so long and get away with just one little fuck, did you?”

“Oh, did you think we were finished?”

“Did I stutter or somethin’?”

“Alright, baby girl, you asked for it. Just don’t come crying to me if you can’t move after I’m done with you.”

“Don’t move—Just a sec… F-Fuck…”

“No, this is-this is fine. This is beyond fine. Keep doing it, please.”

“Shit, darling, don’t-” 

“God, you make me so needy. Please.... fuck, please...”

“You feel so wonderful, I might go crazy—"

“More... please, more...”

“Fuck, I’m stretching you so good.”

“God, the thought of you ever doing something like this to anyone else... I can’t stand it.”

“I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again. You’re my precious BABY, now and forever."

NSFW ART OF THIS HEADCANONS IN MY PATREON

SHIGARAKI

“It isn’t even a ‘might’. I can tell you right now with the utmost certainty that you are MINE.”

“Keep looking into my eyes, don’t you fuckin’ look away…”

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head,” He coos in a demeaning tone. “I’ll be your first and your last. Not any of these other NPCs.”

“I can hardly keep my hands to myself, your room or mine.”

“I can do whatever I want to you, I’m player one!”

“I know, I’m keeping track of my digits, don’t worry your pretty head.”

“You are too precious to me to turn to dust, my love.”

“I can’t- I’m dying to breed you, to bury my cock in your wet pussy. Don’t move, I don’t want to hurt you, sweetheart.”

“My pants are uncomfortably tight, the fabric’s straining against my throbbing dick, I told you not to put on that dress, dammit” Shigaraki’s practically scratching at the wooden table, surges of arousal shaking him to his core. “Can we go now? Like right NOW?!”

“MY girl, so pretty and needy for my cock.”

“You want him dead. You got it.” Ruby eyes stare through his bangs up at your face in some sort of silent promise. “—Of course, I will. You are my everything.”

“It hurts. I need you to- FUCK, just like that.”

“Fuck, how-how are you this fucking wet and warm inside, fuck, fuck…!”

“Please fuck me.”

“H-hey, I know a fun game we can play together… It’s called ‘how many times can I make you cum all over my cock?’” 

“One point, five points, ten points—Cumming again? Are you shooting for a new high-score, sweetheart?”

“Now... care if I use my mouth on you?”

“Just be good for me, and I’ll take very, very good care of you.”

"Look at you, so worked up over a few couple of fingers, did you miss me that much, sweetheart?" 

“Just looking at you is enough to, oh fuck, drive me wild.”

"So desperate for my cock to stuff you-say it, say you want my cock—ngh!”

"S-Shit,"

"Needy girl, I'll let you have it, be fucking grateful." 

"What? Fainting on me already?"

"Don't let me see you doing this again, or else."

“Just fuck me. I need you, (Y/N), please. Please just fuck bury on me already...! I want it...! I want YOU..!”

“Have it your way then.”

"Keep licking my balls, oh fuck! I’m gonna die—"

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-!"

“You look so pretty choking on my cock.”

“Where do you want it, baby? Mouth, breast, face, pussy… take your pick-”

"Are you close, sweetie?" 

“My feisty little girl. Aren’t you just adorable?”

"Good girl. Give me a minute and I’ll clean up that mess you made." 

“Cum for me. Cum on my cock and show me that you’re mine.”

“I just... wanted to cuddle a little more, is all. Didn’t want to... you know, waste the moment.”

“Don’t you worry, my love. I’ll be sure to give you anything you could ever want and more.” 

“You don’t have to take me all the way into your esophagus, but I expect you to make me cum, and yes, I do want you to swallow.”

“Go on, get on your knees.”

“Ngh, that’s it, keep going...”

“You look so wonderful like this, with your lips wrapped around my cock. I wish I could take a pic for Dabi to swallow his words.” 

“I want you all to myself.”

“H-here it comes...Be sure... to drink... every.. last... drop...YOU ARE FUCKIN’ MINE!!”

I MADE SOME SICK NSFW ART FOR THIS HEADCANONS, YOU CAN CHECK THEM OUT IN MY PATREON. (Along with more MHA nsfw artwork)

[gloomyluvr]

NEEDY

in which rafe just wants to nap

fem!reader x rafe cameron

fluff

warnings!: bit of sarah shade. cameron siblings getting along (iktr 🙂‍↕️), reader is from the cut and kind of a pogue idk,

a/n: hiii ! first rafe fic ever and first fic since 2023 (oops...) to my spiderverse readers i will write when they give us content and when the fandom is alive. hope this fic is good and people like it. it's not the best but i'm working on other fics so give me a chance please 😣. this ones pretty short. pls let me know if you enjoyed this or if there are any spelling errors. requests are open !

masterlist

summer in the outer banks was nothing short of fun. spending most days at the beach taking in the warm sun, relaxing and cooling down in the cold water, all while hanging out with the people you love most. but fuck, did it get so hot sometimes. unbearably hot. it wasn’t enough to cool down in the water, the intense sun on skin overpowering the coolness of the ocean. it was worse at the chateau, or anywhere on the cut. only a lucky few could afford the luxury of air conditioning. fortunately, you had a super awesome hot rich boyfriend with a mansion with air conditioning that ran 24/7. 

you laid in bed with the youngest cameron sibling, helping her with online shopping for the upcoming school year. having been with rafe for just a couple months, you had become close with his sisters. you saw sarah at the chateau with john b more than you had ever really seen her at tannyhill. therefore, when you spent time at the mansion, you typically spent time with wheezie when you got bored with rafe. 

“wait, that one’s cute,” you pointed to a crop top on wheezie’s laptop which rested on her knees.

“i think i already have that one though.” she looked around her room to see if the top was among the clothes on the floor before giving up and continued scrolling through the catalogue, “i feel like these clothes are too revealing.”

“cmon wheeze! this is nothing, you just gotta get out of your shell. it’s just clothes, try something new and i don’t know, maybe you’ll like it.” you tried convincing the younger girl. over the past few months you had become like an older sister to her, as sarah spent more time with john b and the other pogues.

“my dad would never let me buy these,” she turned her head to look at you. 

“just put it on rafe’s card,” you whispered, “i won’t tell.” you stuck your pinky out and wheezie quickly wrapped her pinky around yours, giggling. 

as wheezie finalized her cart a familiar voice began to call out for you, “babeee! babeee where are you!”

wheezie rolled her eyes, “speak of the devil,” she muttered. 

“summon him and he shall come,” you smiled at her which she returned, “i’m in wheezie’s room!” you called back. on queue, you heard obnoxiously loud stomps coming up the stairs. “he is so dramatic and for what?”

rafe stood in the doorway looking at you and his younger sister, “why’d you steal my girlfriend, wheeze?” 

 it was your turn to roll your eyes, “she didn’t steal me, dipshit. you were too busy ignoring me for topper and kelce and your stupid game so i came up here where i am truly loved.” you sighed, wrapping yourself around wheezie who stuck her tongue out at her older brother. in return, rafe picked up one of the shirts laying on the floor and chucked it at wheezie. 

“douchebag!” she yelled.

“cmon y/n, i wanna go take a nap.” 

“but i’m so comfy here!” you whined cuddling wheezie tighter. 

rafe walked over to your side and quickly got on the bed, spooning you and throwing one of his long legs over your body, reaching wheezie. rafe wasn’t an affectionate brother by any means, but when he was with you he definitely softened up with everyone around you guys. 

wheezie kicked her brother’s calf, “ew get your nasty dogs away from me!” but rafe didn’t budge.

“what’re you guys doing?” he mumbled looking at the laptop screen. 

“y/n’s helping me shop for school.” 

“why? you have enough clothes. you don’t need none of those crop tops. no boyfriends till you’re 30.” rafe stated as he viewed the clothes on the screen.

you gently smacked the leg that was on top of your own, “don’t be rude! wheezie’s not little anymore.”

 “hm, whatever.” he grumbled, nuzzling his face against your neck, eyes shut as he fully enveloped you leaving no space between your bodies. his hands found yours, wasting no time to intertwine your fingers. 

“get off me, fatty!” you feigned disgust, as if you weren’t enjoying every second of rafe’s neediness to cuddle.

rafe grumbled, “only if you come take a nap with me in my room.” 

“fineeee, get up then,” you reached behind to gently smack his butt and he quickly got up, no effort to hide his big smile, “sorry wheeze, duty calls.” you sighed, getting up following rafe as he walked to wheezie’s door.

before walking out he turned back to wheezie and stuck his tongue out as she had done earlier. with no hesitation, wheezie returned the gesture as you smacked rafe’s head and shoved him out the door. 

[darkmatilda]

𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟𝐟 | 𝐬. 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: basically just two bookworms arguing about books and having a s3x right after

𝐚/𝐧: please read the note! so it's only a very short part of my upcoming fanfiction that has...25k words...i'm aware no one is going to read it all soo i'm publishing one of my favorite parts.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 3.1k

Maybe it was that one drink you had, but your legs seemed to take you in a certain direction.

You weren’t sure if Spencer was even home. But if you had nothing else to do, why not check? A short walk. You were a little desperate, after all, you didn’t have anywhere else to go. That’s how you justified it. You were going to him because you had no other option.

He opened the door, dressed in a wrinkled shirt, trousers, and a tie loosely hanging around his neck. His hair was in disarray, and you felt an urge to run your fingers through it and style it the way you wanted, but it would’ve been awkward.

"Hey. Am I interrupting?"

Surprised, Spencer shook his head.

"No... Actually, I was asleep."

"In those clothes?"

"I fell asleep while reading..." he explained, trailing off when he noticed your appearance. To put it modestly, you looked incredibly hot. For a long moment, his gaze lingered on your dress, visible beneath the open jacket and ending high on your thigh. "Very... nice dress. Is it... is it your mom's too?"

You chuckled.

"Can you imagine my mom, a school psychologist, in a dress covering half her ass?"

Embarrassed, Spencer raised his hands in apology and also chuckled softly.

"Sorry, I'm still half-asleep. Anyway... is there something wrong that you're here?"

"My mentally unstable ex-boyfriend of my roommate is lurking under our apartment.” You confessed bluntly “I'm a little scared to go back, and... I didn't know where else I could go."

It seemed like he was suddenly waking up quickly. He swung the door wide open, letting you in.

"Of course, come in. Is he dangerous?"

"He shows up every now and then and then disappears. It's like a lottery. Jude doesn't want to ever see him again, so we just pretend we're not here when it happens."

The inside looked just as you remembered. The lights were off everywhere except the bedroom, where he was probably reading. You allowed yourself to take off your uncomfortable shoes and set them by the door.

"Why don't you report it to the police?" His forehead furrowed with concern.

"Jude doesn't want to. And I don't want to do anything against her will. But I swear, if this happens again, I'll convince her. Or I'll do it myself."

"You should," he said, and suddenly a silence fell between you.

You weren't sure how to act. You'd barged in on him in the middle of the night, pulling him from his sleep. Not to mention, you hadn't seen each other since that conversation at the bar.

"Let me take your jacket," he said after a moment, as if remembering how to behave when hosting a guest.

You slowly took it off, revealing the full dress. Spencer momentarily let his gaze linger on it, but then he caught himself and turned away to hang your jacket. The glance didn't embarrass you in the slightest; if anything, you expected to catch him looking.

"Sorry if I woke you," you said, realizing you should probably apologize. It was only then that you began to feel a little awkward about the situation.

"You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault. And I'm glad I can help," he said, and once again, silence settled between you. Spencer placed his hand on his forehead as he realized you were still standing in the hallway. "Sorry, it's been a long time since anyone's visited, and I don't even know how to act... Do you want something to drink, or need anything?"

"I’m fine," you assured him, walking behind him into the living room. "I don't want you to act like I'm some important guest, Spencer. Or like you need to serve me."

"But you are an important guest," he replied.

A warm, gentle smile appeared on your lips.

"What were you reading?" you asked, leaning your lower back against the kitchen island, the two rooms connected as one. You glanced around the cozy interior, in soft, almost warm hues, where the darkness of the night blended with the orange light of the lamp. "Let me guess, some spine-chilling thriller?"

"I have spine-chilling thrillers every day at work," he snorted. "I was reading... Emma. Jane Austen."

Your eyebrows shot up.

"You fell asleep reading classic literature on a Friday night? Spencer Reid, what kind of man are you?"

"In a good way or a bad way?"

He stood across from you, his arms loosely crossed over his chest. Your eyes lingered on the first few undone buttons of his shirt.

"Of course, in a good way. Why would I judge someone for reading?"

"I don’t know," he shrugged. "Some people think it’s boring. And weird, especially on a Friday night. And what about you? What were you doing before your roommate’s ex showed up?" he asked, a playful glint in his eyes as he nodded meaningfully toward your outfit. "Were you reading too?"

You lifted your chin high.

"Exactly. I was reading my favorite Shakespearean drama in my favorite dress. And those incredibly comfortable shoes I left by your door."

"That goes without saying."

"I definitely wasn’t at any club."

"I wouldn’t even suspect you of that."

"I was doing what any God-fearing virgin would do," you said, bursting into laughter at the absurdity. "Alright, alright. I’m getting carried away. Now I actually feel like reading something. But nothing too classic—I don’t have the brainpower for it. Do you happen to have any romance novels?"

I'm afraid not."

"Really? You have more books in your home than the library in my hometown, and not a single romance? I’m not talking about dark erotica or anything—just something subtle. Friends to lovers, polite sex..."

Spencer choked on a laugh.

"Sorry, but are you drunk?"

You were just horny. 

"Not a drop of alcohol has touched my lips. I'm just hyperactive. That’s what the night does to me."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"So? Aren't you hiding any sinful books in there?"

He rolled his eyes, clearly amused rather than annoyed by your persistence.

"You're welcome to look," he offered, gesturing toward one of the shelves. "But I’m not promising you’ll find anything like that."

"But if I do, you owe me a drink."

“And if it turns out I’m right, then what?”

You bit your lip, pondering. 

“I’ll figure something out.”

“You know, I won’t enter a bet unless I know what I get in return.”

“And what do you want?”

“A dinner together,” he replied without hesitation. “Or breakfast, if you prefer.”

“Deal,” you answered just as quickly. You weren’t worried about regretting it—your blood was buzzing too much for that.

He extended his hand for you to shake on it, sealing the deal. Instead of letting go, you held onto his fingers firmly and tugged him toward the bookshelf. He stood so close as you examined the books one by one, taking some out to inspect their covers to see if they suggested any hint of romance. When they didn’t, he let out a short laugh, his breath brushing against your neck and sending a shiver down your spine. You didn’t let it show.

“Spencer…” you started after a while, glancing at him from the corner of your eye. “It counts if the book has a romantic subplot, right?”

“No, it doesn’t count! We agreed on a romance. A full-fledged, contemporary one.”

“We didn’t say contemporary.”

“I assumed it was implied since I mentioned owning Jane Austen books. Pride and Prejudice is a romance, among other things…”

“Ha! So you do have one. I won!” You raised your hands high in victory.

“…But it’s also a social and domestic novel. Doesn’t count.”

You poked him in the chest with your finger.

“You don’t know how to lose.”

He glanced at the spot where you touched him, clearly trying not to smile.

“Maybe I just care a lot about that dinner,” he admitted boldly.

You didn’t know what to say. You tried to look at him confidently, but it was hard to think and maintain eye contact with him at the same time.

“Or breakfast,” you murmured.

“Or breakfast,” he agreed. Realizing how close he was standing, he instinctively stepped back half a pace. “So, are you ready to admit my victory?”

You shot him a defiant look.

“Not a chance. I haven’t even checked all the books yet. I’m only about three-quarters through. Who knows what kind of BDSM might be lurking in the last quarter?”

“Seriously?” he asked with a sigh. “Okay, just look at me. Do I seem like the kind of guy who reads stuff like that?”

“Honestly, you look like the kind of guy who reads encyclopedias. But the one thing I know about people is that appearances can be deceiving. Still waters run deep.”

He shook his head in disbelief.

“You’re as stubborn as they come.”

“Maybe I just really want that drink,” you teased.

“I can make you one,” he offered unexpectedly.

“Seriously?” The suggestion caught you off guard.

Spencer shrugged casually.

“I don’t drink much, but some friends gave me a few bottles for my birthday.”

You hesitated, considering.

“I’m not really in the mood,” you admitted. You felt good, even without alcohol. “But I do have another request… Do you happen to have something I could change into? I won’t lie, this isn’t the most comfortable dress… though it’s absolutely stunning.”

He smiled softly.

"You’re right. And yes, I’ll find something for you to change into. Just… it’ll be something of mine."

Following him into the bedroom, you let out a small chuckle.

"You know, I didn’t expect you to have a closet full of women’s clothes. Plus, in my size. Although, who knows what girls leave behind at your place. It’s a tactic, you know? You leave a sock at a guy’s place to have an excuse to come back. Unless you didn’t like it, then you have to accept losing the sock."

He didn’t say anything, opening the wardrobe to find something appropriate for you. You’d been in his bedroom before and didn’t feel the need to look around; nothing had changed inside.

"Do you do this often?" he asked, inspecting a t-shirt. "Use the sock strategy?"

"No," you replied, shrugging. "I’m too straightforward for that. If I like it, I just go back and say 'Let’s do it again' Or I don’t leave at all. I’m a bit of a parasite too."

He chuckled at the comparison and finally handed you some clothes. You didn’t really look at them; you just needed something looser, something you hadn’t danced in for hours at the club.

"You know where the bathroom is, right?"

You confirmed and were about to head in that direction when you stopped.

"Wait," you said, turning back toward him. But then, you turned again, facing him with your back. "The zipper on the dress," you explained, pulling your hair to the front. "I could manage it myself, but I don’t want to risk breaking it. Could you…?"

"Y-yeah," he agreed after a moment, stepping closer.

He stood just behind you, reaching for the top of your back. Before he pulled the zipper down, there was a moment where he simply paused, unmoving. Your knees suddenly trembled, almost impatiently. Then, he tugged at the zipper, unfastening the dress, and the coolness and freedom teased your skin.

You could have said thank you and headed to the bathroom, but you didn’t. Something kept your body rooted in place, right there next to him, feeling the pads of his fingers on the lower part of your dress.

Even his breath, louder and irregular.

When you began to, slightly disappointed, assume that he wouldn’t do anything more, his lips found a spot on your neck, kissing it slowly. You inhaled deeply, your head instinctively tilting back, giving him more access, as if you had been waiting for just that.  He stopped for a longer time in this specific place, pressing on it harder, as you barely hold a groan. 

Your breath was given a free rollercoaster ride.

You reached your hand back, wrapping it around his head and pulling him closer to you. You felt him sigh directly into your skin, leaving another two hungry kisses on an exposed skin on your shoulder. God, why were you still wearing that dress?

You abruptly stopped, turning around and almost hitting the top of your head against his jaw. You didn't care about it, and the thought of apologizing never crossed your mind, just simply pushed him, planting a strong kiss right on his lips.

The clothes he gave you slipped from your hand and fell to the floor, but neither of you were concerned about it, as you were both too absorbed to care. You pushed him again, this time onto the bed, on which he sat, surprised by your suddenness. You saw red marks creeping onto the parts of the neck exposed by the undone shirt. 

"Spencer, Spencer, Spencer," you said, shaking your head in a mock reprimand. He tilted his head to the side, unsure of where you were going with this, his fingers impatiently brushing your waist on both sides. "You lied to me."

Your hands grabbed his face, positioning just under his jaw and lifting it upward so you could find his lips right against yours. 

“I lied to you?”

"“That's right. You said you don't read romances. But tell me, how does someone who doesn't do that know such practices?”

“Practices?” he repeated again, surprised."

His gaze was focused solely on your lips to which he tried to get closer, but you hadn't allowed him to yet. 

"This whole unbuttoning of the dress. And then, the neck”

With your index finger, you traced along the skin on his neck

“Did you like it?” he asked, his voice sounding a bit hoarse. He removed one hand from your waist and took your hand, the one you had been playing with.

“Did I like it?” you scoffed with a genuine laugh.“I’m like half naked now. Answer that for yourself”

Undressing was the element you hated the most. You became impatient and couldn't understand why your clothes couldn't just disappear from you, instead of threatening to burn your already overheated skin. Spencer didn't help, so slow in his movements. You had a feeling he was doing it on purpose. He probably enjoyed watching you struggle to untangle yourself from the dress. He waited a minute before helping you, effortlessly pulling it over your head.

Maybe slow wasn't the most accurate description.The way he touched his body wasn’t slow. It was like rationing a treat, breaking it into small pieces and savoring them one by one. Meanwhile, it gazed straight into your mouth, shouting, eat me!

It required incredible self-control and composure, but it resulted in something more than just pleasure. When he found himself right between your legs, his lips touching gently every single inch of your thigh and refusing to go further despite your pleas, you compared him to the previous guys you slept with. With them, on the other hand, you had to tell them to slow down, to do everything more carefully, and not to focus solely on their own needs.

“Does it feel right?” He asked, briefly lifting his gaze, his hands gripping your thighs.

Your back arched, probably enough of an answer, but you confirmed it with a soft moan.

"I'd rather you said it out loud. Does it feel right?"

"That's edging on sadism, do you realize that?" you whimpered, trying to release the tension by pulling at his hair.

He stopped again.

"Please, do it again."

It wasn't something he had to beg for.

The rest went similarly. You liked how his confidence and courage grew, but you also went wild when, at certain moments, the same gentle and sometimes awkward Spencer returned. It was a perfectly balanced mix.

"Can you talk to me more?" he asked over time, once he was already inside you. "I want to know how you feel about all of this." After those words, your forehead twitched slightly as you felt the onset of pain. "Does it hurt?"

"No," you whispered, accompanied by a faintly tired exhale.”A little. But it's normal I just didn't have sex for a while”

"No, it shouldn't hurt you. Do you want to stop?"

"Just... give me a moment."

He slowed down, almost stopping. You took a breath,pressing your forehead to his. You stayed like that for a moment, neither of you in a hurry. After all, where to? Outside, the night still reigned, long and patient, winter’s grip holding steady. You liked having his face so close to yours, joining them together and not speaking. For the first time, you could truly say that you enjoyed the silence.

You had always considered silence overwhelming, incapable of calming the chaos that arose in your mind. You preferred moments of wildness, loud sounds, and fast pace, but it was in that silence, which fell then, that you found a peace filled with intimacy.

You wrapped your arms tighter around his neck.

"It's okay, I'm ready."

After everything, you simply lay facing each other, tangled in one another. Actually, you didn’t like that expression "after everything." After everything—after what exactly? Sex wasn’t just about the physical act; it also included the long moment before and the even more significant one after. It was precisely that moment after which revealed the true you both. How much you cared for each other and how much you meant to each other beyond the bed. That was often missing in one-night stands; the perspective of quickly disappearing from each other's lives and being forgotten somehow intensified selfishness in people.

Lying there, you played with the hair on his forehead.

"You know, they say this is the moment when people are the most honest with each other."

"Do you want to squeeze a few secrets out of me?" he asked.

"Just one," you said mysteriously, turning onto your back. Before that, you noticed his eyebrows furrow.

He propped himself up on his elbow to look at you again.

"Which one?"

You pretended to hesitate before answering. You tried with all your might to keep the smile from appearing on your face, betraying you.

"I'm afraid that even now, you won't be honest with me."

"I'm starting to get worried."

"I'll tell you, but you have to promise to tell the truth. Give me your pinky."

"What?"

"A pinky promise, you fool."

“O-okay” 

Clearly surprised, he did what you asked.

"Now tell me the truth. You got any romance books at your place you're too embarrassed to admit to?"

He rolled his eyes.

"I'll find them," you teased. "I’ll get up right now and find them."

You pretended to get up, but he pulled you closer, preventing you from moving.

"You're not going anywhere."

i know some of you were curious about this fanfiction, so I'm tagging it.

@nightfullofparadox @bloodredrubyrose @lillaberry @miriamnox @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx

[mariasont]

Be So Stupid - S.R

a/n: this has been sitting in my WIPs for so long and i finally finished it! now going to reward myself with online shopping xoxo

kind of inspired by when jj and reid split up in season 2 i think? when morgan was kinda being rude to her but i picture like season 12-13 spence

masterlist

pairings: spencer reid x gn!reader

summary: you make a mistake while on a case nearly getting spencer killed, morgan has some choice words and spencer is ready to beat his ass over it

warnings: morgan being a little shit simply for the plot, mention of spencer almost dying, spencer being a protective king pussy boss

wc: 1.4k

How could you be so stupid?

Those were the words that had been on replay, a constant loop, for the past two days. It's because, somewhere inside, you knew Morgan was justified in what he said. How could you have been so stupid to split up with Spencer at the unsubs house?

He was taken by the unsub, a trigger pull away from death. But the team got there, and he was okay. He was alive and breathing and healthy, and you tried to focus on these facts when your chest tightened with that familiar agonizing twinge.

It was a relief not to face anyone afterward. As soon as you got home from the case, you holed yourself up in your apartment, obsessively dissecting the events until the recollections twisted your insides with a nauseating sense of dread. You had run through every potential scenario in your head, agonizing over the grim outcomes if you hadn't arrived when you did.

You would've never forgiven yourself.

So here you were, hiding out in Penelope's lair, doing your paperwork. You convinced yourself it wasn't hiding; rationalizing it as a need for more peace and quiet than the bullpen could offer. You knew it was bullshit, and so did Garcia.

"Just so you know, I'm fully prepared to kick his ass on your behalf," she announced, swiveling to face her monitors, the ribbons in her hair trailing her movement like colorful comets. "It was totally uncalled for. Everyone agrees."

"Everyone?"

"Well, okay, not Spencer, but that's only because he doesn't know," Garcia continued, her pen tapping a silent code against her cheek, followed by the clack of keys. "If he did, he'd definitely kick his ass."

"I don't know about that," you said, repeatedly stretching and releasing the hair tie around your wrist, each snap a self-inflicted reprimand.

"He called you stupid." She was shaking her head so vigorously her blonde locks tumbled into her eyes as she paused her typing to look at you. "And you, my gorgeous friend, are anything but."

"Generally speaking, sure, but this time, Pen, I really screwed up."

"Who called you stupid?"

Spencer's voice was incredibly hard to ignore, distinct—you would recognize it anywhere.

Garcia and you stopped dead, your eyes growing impossibly large as she gave you a look as if to say, Morgan is screwed.

"No one."

"Morgan."

You and Garcia blurt your words out at the same time, your voices clashing in the air. You whipped your head to Garcia, the betrayal written on your face as she only shrugged her shoulders.

"Why would he say that to you?"

Spencer's steps towards you were measured, but each one amplified your unease, you hands wringing together as you looked away. He could read you like a book, and most times that was a good thing, but today it was definitely not.

"It's really not a big deal, Spencer," you insisted, pursing you lips as you dragged your gaze up and over him. "But how about you? How are you holding up?"

You were on your feet in an instant, a little too quickly, wobbling on your heel just a tab before Spencer grabbed your elbow. You ignore his touch, or at least you try, and press the back of your hand to his forehead.

He wasn't warm, but you sure were.

"You know, I don't think you should be back at work so soon."

You weren't lying when you said that. It seemed to soon. Was he looking a little pale? You couldn't tell. He should be home.

His hand was suddenly around your wrist, soft but firm, easing you away from his forehead, his eyes narrowing at you.

"Hey, I'm alright." He was trying to be assuring, offering a faint smile that only served to make your stomach do backflips. "Really, I am."

His fingers frapped around your wrist, not quite letting go, as he directed his attention to Garcia. "Why did he say that to her?"

"I'm right here," you grumbled under your breath, but Spencer was paying you no mind.

"I'm aware," Spencer answered without looking at you as his hands found their way to your shoulders, thumbs tracing absent patterns on your skin. "But you are not providing any answers."

Garcia cut in, folding her arms over her chest as her eyes pinned you with an unspoken accusation. "He said it because you two split up on the case."

Her words seemed to thicken the air itself, snatching away the previous ease as Spencer's expression darkened. It was a new and unsettling sight--the tightness in his jaw, the faint crease in his brows, and the steely sharpness in his eyes.

Without uttering a single syllable, he spun on his heel and strode out the door. You didn't hesitate to chase after him, an inkling of his destination propelling you forward. The look on his face had planted a seed of fear about what he was going to do.

Sure enough, there he was, just as you anticipated, in the middle of the bull pit. His gaze locked on Morgan with a laser-like precision, like a hawk eyeing its prey.

"How could you say that to her?" His voice was jagged, hands thumping against Morgan's shoulders in a way that you frantically looked around for Hotch. "What? Were you trying to make her feel bad? What's the matter with you?"

"Easy, Spencer, what are you getting at?" Morgan's hands went up defensively. But when Spencer's eyes flickered to you, the puzzle pieces clicked into place. "Oh..."

Morgan's eyes found yours. "Come here, sugar."

Morgan was your friend, a good one at that, and you really didn't blame him for what he said. He had good intentions. But here in the bullpen being open and exposed you found yourself stalling, glancing towards Spencer.

Only after he gave you a nod did you take that tentative step forward, clammy palms running down your pants as you stood in front of Morgan.

"Look, I was out of line. Calling you stupid was stupid of me," he started, hand grabbing on your upper arm as he spoke. "We've all been in tough spots and I was an asshole for adding to the pressure instead of helping you through it."

And you knew he meant it, even if it took Spencer nearly coming to blows to bring it about. 

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it, Morgan. And it was my fault really, for not staying with Spencer."

"First off, we made that call together, so if anyone's at fault, it's both of us," Spencer reminded, his hand settling on your lower back as he moved closer to you. His gaze then drilled into Morgan. "And second, Morgan, she's too nice. I say you owe her a month's work of paperwork at least."

You opened your mouth to object, but Morgan cut you off, his hand on your shoulder stopping me mid-breath. "After what I said? I'll do you one better--I'll handle your paperwork for two months."

He was gone before you could even thank him, making his way towards the break room, leaving you and Spencer.

"Hey, look at me." You did, raising your eyes to meet his. "What happened on that last case—it's not on you. We made a call, and we did it with the best intentions. It's not your fault."

He regarded you so... softly. It stirred a flutter of goosebumps across your skin, your hands rubbing up and down your arms as if to smooth away the sensation.

"Seeing you in that situation, so close to..." You paused, drawing in a ragged breath as the sickening memories came flooding back. "I can't help but feel responsible. It's a tough guilt to shake."

He rearranged a lock of hair behind your ear. 

"It's a cognitive distortion to assume sole responsibility, but that's just your brain tricking you." Taking your hand he pressed it over his heart. "A human heart beats over two billion times in a lifetime. And every beat right now is telling you, I'm all good."

You could feel his heartbeat—thump, thump—against your palm. You caught yourself wanting to know what it would be like to fall asleep to the sound.

You were so close to each other now, the distance, or lack thereof, slightly overwhelming. "You're all good?"

He gave your hand a squeeze. "I'm all good."

You remained motionless, hand pressed to his chest, wondering if your heart could ever beat in sync with his.

taglist: @hotchhner @khxna @readergf @sarcasm-and-stiles @edencherries @aurorsworld @princess76179 @malindacath