#but i'm depressed and need to distract myself
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
#polls#a character's lie driving the story is way more common than it should be#like guy lies about being a chess master to impress girl and then eventually has to own up to said lie#happens a lot#just clarifying that one#i'm being annoying today i know#but i'm depressed and need to distract myself
557 notes
·
View notes
Text
I just want it to be tomorrow after work so I can get unfathomably high on edibles and turn off my brain for at least a few days
#i want to be 'can barely form a sentence' high#i want to be so high that I can't think or feel for a while#don't want to think about being alone for another fucking holiday#don't want to think about being alone for the rest of my life#don't want to think about how scared i am of what the next 4 years will bring#don't want to think about all of the people hurting now#don't want to think about how I'm a weak baby for whining about my own problems#don't want to think about no matter how much dumb shit and art supplies i buy I'm still alone#don't want to think about the only person who loved me unconditionally being dead#don't want to think about how scared i am of velma getting sick or hurt because then i won't have anyone#don't want to think about all the things I've done that could bite me in the ass#don't want to think about the horrific inequality here and everywhere and I'm here just one person like an ant on a sand dune#don't want to think about how my desperation to be loved also makes me feel like a greedy asshole when so many have less#don't want to think about how much i want to punch some of my coworkers#don't want to think about the friendly obvious idiot who sent me a tape full of love songs but clearly has no romantic love for me#don't want to think about how hard it is to even find a game to distract myself with#don't want to think about how many of my plants are dead/dying and what a useless gardener i am#don't want to think about my car and how i worry about when it's eventually going to break down#don't want to think about the cysts on my scalp that i need to cut out myself because I can't afford to have it done professionally#don't want to think about how it's probably just a stupid kids daydream that I'm trying to save up for a house#don't want to THINK or FEEL or NEED or WANT i just want to be semi-comatose stoned because it feels like nobody would notice if i were dead#depression#vent
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
In response to my post mentioning being baffled by my younger brother naming a tynamo after me when he was playing Pokémon for the first time as a little kid, my boyfriend made a chart to compare and contrast + showcase the many similarities I apparently share with this Pokémon.
#I love him so much y’all#he’s unbelievably sweet AND unbearably handsome AND unspeakably funny#the fact I met him because I started posting my PMD fan content is something I cannot begin to grasp the odds of happening#like. I met the world’s most husband-material man because of a series of butterfly effect events#that started with me getting really depressed and needing an outlet to distract myself#whereupon I looked up PMD fanart on Pinterest#and saw a bunch of stolen reposts of art from tumblr#which indirectly caused me to make a tumblr blog#where I tried (and failed) to secretly post my PMD comics as a form of archiving my art for personal reference#and the rest is history :>#I gotta come up with a name for a tag dedicated to my boyfriend + his antics + me gushing about how much I love him#what would I even call it....#“Boyfriend-posting”?#“sofie's got a crush”?#“the bf tag”?#Do I give us a ship name and make it the tag name because I'm cringe and proud and having fun with it?#hmmmmmm...#I'll think of something.#anyhoo:#Hiiiii bf I know you're reading this! Drink a glass of water and get to bed early tonight! Take care of yourself! I love you so much!#sofie says stuff#obbyposting
21 notes
·
View notes
Note
Ven please, I'm begging you to go to therapy. Your posts hurt me so much cause I recognize myself and people I've loved in them and I always wanna say smth to make you feel better but I know from experience that that only helps for a little while or doesn't help at all or can even make things worse. But you don't have to suffer like this forever!! You can get better and there is help!! And as a fellow pmdd sufferer you can get help with that too. Idk how you feel about medication but going on birth control continuously so you never have periods or using antidepressants or mood stabilizers just for the two nightmare weeks after ovulation can help so much. Please please please I worry about you and I know you can have a good life if you get help! you're beautiful and creative and you have everything you need you just have to figure out how to access it and use it and I know you can do it. I know your F/Os would want you to and I know your future real life S/Os who are waiting for you would want you to too. You deserve to be happy instead of feeling like a ghost all the time.
Thank you anon I appreciate the concern, feel a little bit embarrassed about oversharing now but you know what...sometimes you just have to say it out loud somewhere. As you would know the nature of the disorder means there's often not much that can be done in terms of talking myself out of the way it feels cause biology is so (detrimentally) overpowering and intensifies other mental health issues and generally all pre-existing negative feelings about ones' existence. The ghost analogy is apt and I've often used this to describe how I relate to life and connecting with others. now idk if I can overcome myself and thrive but maybe I could switch some things up and see if it makes it suck a little less
I was on ssris constantly for years previously (edit: and therapy on and off) before I stopped taking them but your ask has me considering intermittent dosing even if I dislike the side effects just to see what happens. I thought I could just grit my teeth and bare it (put myself to sleep between being wracked by ugly crying as I cannot stand being conscious in my own mind) every month in lieu of meds but maybe I can't rawdog slog through dark funhouse mirror evil pmdd reality on my own/shouldn't feel that I have to in order to not "lose"
I was very touched by your reaching out and compassionately disagreeing with me (lol) and it means a lot from another person with pmdd. It helps to think someone out there sees the value in me as I am right now, and that someone else is also fighting their own good fight. When you said I have everything I need I just have to figure out how to access it and use it and you know I can do it you sound just like my grandma. (<3)
#ik my f/os would probs be lowkey SICK!!! of dealing with my unstable self every month when I become neurotic and need them to tell me#that they actually wouldn't prefer to break up with me and find someone easier to deal with. that they actually do find me easy 2 love. etc#the brainfog. the fatigue. the plummeting mood lows. the sensitivity/agitation. the walls closing in. 🙄#ig the best imagine I could hope for is that they also track my cycle and try and distract me in positive ways#and just be patient and understanding and kind. even w the sadness and rejection sensitivity and low self worth :')#also I'm scared of what if I do all strategies and I still cannot make something of myself. I still have mental health issues. forever.#would I still be worthy of being loved? Would someone still choose me? lol...anyways#or what if it wasn't pmdd or depression or something. what if it all gets fixed and I still get nowhere. then it's just Me that's unworthy#anyway prozac probs beats lying in bed non stop thinking I should have kms'd when I was 15 and saved myself all this trouble lol#tw suicidal ideation#tw periods
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
currently attracted to this man against my entire better judgement like he's not my type at all except for the fact that he's nice to look at and he's a few years younger than me which usually freaks me out and he's such a fucking normie i doubt we'd have anything in common but i have no chance with him anyways so it's fine
#i think i'm convinced if i talk myself out of it and realize that it's entirely hopeless (moreso than usual) i'll go back to '#normal' bc i'm definitely having a depressive episode or honestly whatever the fuck i'm going through#i know i'm just using all of this as a distraction but i keep having dreams about him too and it's just. sigh#wellllll the god i believe in is narrative and the story isn't boring yet so i'll continue just. doing whatever until i figure out#how to live my own life without needing to be distracted by the premise of romantic love from someone i can never know#honestly those dreams are. um. well. i can't complain i suppose. it feels nice to be wanted if only in a dream!
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
My head is empty.
But I still have so many thoughts drowning me
#sadgirl#i'm sad#im sad and tired#im screaming inside my head#sad boy#sad but true#sad thoughts#depressing shit#sorry for being depressing#tw depressing thoughts#im drowning#drown in my mind#this is a call for help#this is depressing#help my brain#i wanna kms#i need to distract myself#its too late#its too much#im so tired#im sorry#i just want to cry#im already crying#im alone#save me#its so hard#i wish i was never born#i miss them#dms open#my dms are always open
52 notes
·
View notes
Text
everything you see ab being the oldest daughter is true btw why am i the family therapist AND punching bag smh
long ass depressing rant in the tags srry i got a wee bit emotional
#my dad has something going on where there's a ringing in his ear my mom has tendonitis and neck pain now#and i feel for both of them i'm goin to cvs to get the meds giving my mom massages every night talking to my dad to distract him#they're both going to the correct doctors#but just throwing it out there i have had tendonitis and chronic upper back pain for 5-6 years and no one gave a shit most i've gotten is#jokes that i'm faking it#i'm in physical therapy for my back NOW but that's bc i finally crawled out of the depression long enough to do it myself#which is fine whatever i'm 22 i should be the one making my own appointments and it'd be weird if i wasn't#but when i was 16 or 17???#being hospitalized for STRESS HEADACHES at 14 too???#who gets hospitalized for that shit and how were my parents not concerned that i at the age of 14 was#so stressed out that my head was pounding all the time#and bc i'm the third parent who has to be the only emotional safe space#i don't say anything if my sisters are rude to me bc at least they feel safe enough around me to be rude to me#i have to listen to everyone and their momma's problems#i'm in law school!!! i do not need this i'm anxious all the time!!!#and if i'm not anxious i'm depressed!!!#my therapist point blank tells me shit like 'you're incredibly lonely' or 'you have way too much on your shoulders' and it makes me CRY#the most basic fucking observations that i KNOW but hearing someone else acknowledge it and not berate me fucking sends me into TEARS#i get messages from online friends here like 'hey i saw your post you don't deserve that' i physically cannot keep my eyes dry!!#every time i have any interaction ever i am at least a little uncomfortable bc i am always trying so hard to make sure i come off as kind#and not awkward or mean#i feel like everyone around me was given some kind of how to manual on life that i wasn't#and i KNOW this is not unique tons and tons of people feel like this#i know this is the depression and the anxiety and the possible autism i'm well aware#but then every couple of days my mom gets the brilliant idea to tell me i'm rude or lazy or whatever and i lose my shit#i just wanna sleep and write fanfics in the nicest way possible i hate everyone#i will try my best to not be mean to anyone bc no one deserves it but i am angry and i am constantly feeling the hurt of my inner child#my MOTHER threw a hardcover book at my HEAD when i was ten bc i had been reading and hid the book under the pillow#what the actual fuck????#my dad's response to any and everything is to deal with it
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
For roundabout reasons I rewatched 2001: A Space Odyssey today and...
I don't get how people can call this the ''best'' sci-fi movie of all time. Influential, certainly. Ground-breaking, without doubt. But ''good''?
I know this might be an unpopular opinion, but the pacing is just excruciating. The first and last acts are incomprehensible, even if you've just read the book. HAL 9000 is truly the only good thing about the film.
#personal#2001: A Space Odyssey#I was rewatching The Expanse to stave off depression#and needed to resist re-reading the books#(because I'm starting polytech soon & don't need the distraction)#and wanted something with a similar vibe cos I wasn't sinking into anything else#so I pulled up 2001 on my kindle#and finished the book just in time to have Sunday afternoon to myself#I refuse to rewatch the sequel film even though I'm reading the book#not least because they cast a white guy as Dr Chandra
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Can anyone reply or reblog with some cute pictures or videos or anything that makes you smile?
#911 abc#bnha#love#depression#i'm sorry for using wrong tags#but i just really need some light#so i tagged what was trending#just need something to distract me#myself
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
#kanny things#kanny speaks#oop#tie!!!#needs fixed!!!#:3c#so much excitement#I'm trying to distract myself from the depression that is life#yall are helping with the little intersections I get via this hell blog#thank you all
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey now, what, why does he look so fine here ????
#So new TV...#I was really depressed last night and thought I'd try to distract myself#then I found out that the TV remote has whole button for amazon prime#and so#amazon bad but man my will to live has been restored#can't end it yet I need to watch rest of the old man content#this is kind of embarrassing but holy shit#scuse il mio Italiano non é buono#I tuoi feis veri nais#Maybe I'm just really easy to make happy ???#Just comb his hair nicely and slap him to Italy and i'm all hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmmhm
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
you know, I keep thinking about how much I'd get written if I had any self discipline at all and then like. doing nothing about it bc like. who's gonna enforce it? not me.
#personal;#like the biggest issue I have is that like#once my laptop is on then at MOST I have until I catch up on tumblr#before I habitually open XIV#and once XIV is open nothing's gonna get done#days I do chores I do them in the morning before the laptop is on specifically for this reason (that and any later and I'm too tired)#like I know- I /know/- what I need in order to get myself to write. I know all the little things#but I don't have the self discipline bc by the time i remember i was gonna XIV is open#and the day is dedicated to dissociation of varying levels depending on what's happening in XIV#or if I get distracted with a game on my tablet#and like....I love my son but his insistence on being in my lap doesn't help#bc being unable to move makes it hard to not just fucking dissociate#but even if I kick him off he's back in like 5m and it gets frustrating if i try#the deck is stacked so SO against me#plus like.....#even if I do the thing what validation will I get??#and if no validation it's hard to even pretend to tru to start#plus the longer I go without writing like. an object at rest will stay at rest#at this point I think I'm lowkey terrified of trying to write and just staring at an empty document or putting out shit no one understands#hhnnngggg#anyway I've rambled enough for the morning I'm not trying to depression spiral here
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's that "spend hours sobbing my eyes out in bed for several reasons, including but not limited to the fact tomorrow is Monday, the fact my social battery has been completely drained and won't recover anytime soon, the fact my landlady is due to show up tomorrow evening and will likely piss me off again, the fact I've had the urge to write since Friday and ended up not writing even a single fucking word, the fact exam pressure keeps rising and I still don't know what to do with my life after I'm done with school, and the fact I'm both completely overwhelmed and so terribly lonely at the same time" kind of Sunday evenings
#I'm so fucking exhausted. both mentally and emotionally#I spent the night at my grandma's and then my friend came over and spent the night the following day#and I don't count it as a day off unless I don't go anywhere or see anyone#so you could say I didn't really have a weekend#idk how I'll go to school tomorrow. I think even one person talking to me would make me fucking explode#and yet. despite all that. I feel completely alone#because no one I know irl can provide me with the comfort I so desperately need#spending time with people is all a big distraction from my depressive thoughts#and the second everyone leaves.. I feel more alone than ever. so completely and utterly lonely#I try to fill the void with my imagination. lose myself in my oc verse. and it helps sometimes#but when I'm not feeling particularly inspired or can't some up with anything good... I just end up feeling worse than I did before#everything I do is to distract myself from my mind because the second I'm left alone with my thoughts..#they go to a very dark place very quickly#like now. when my wrists itch and I can't stop crying and know full well that I'll go to bed in a few hours wishing to never wake up#and I'm left with nothing but a gaping hole in my chest. aching for arms to fall into and a shoulder to cry on#despite knowing it's not something I'll ever have#so I grit my teeth and bear it and hold on. for whatever reason#I don't know why I haven't give up yet. it's all arbitrary reasons like 'my friends would be sad if I was gone'#even in matters like these all I end up worrying about is what other people would think. not my own feelings#well. nobody has anything to worry about concerning me anyway. I'm too much of a coward to do anything#if I wasn't I wouldn't have lived to see my 14th birthday#and yet 4 years later I'm still here. wishing for an instantaneous way out that didn't involve me raising a hand against myself#because I really don't know how long I'll be able to take all this for. I don't have much left in me#I'm holding on by a thread. one too close to snapping. I'm scared of how few reasons I can come up with to keep going#I don't see a future ahead of myself. no college or uni or job or relationship or anything that might be worth staying around for#any attempts to imagine what life would be like after graduation are just.. dark and bleak and empty#I haven't got a single clue what I'm going to end up doing. maybe that's why I see so little worth in trying to figure it out#nothing in this world will make me truly happy. I don't have a future#and if I don't have a future... I don't have any reasons to stick around any further#if only I wasn't so much of a coward
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
tw eating disorder talk, pt.2 to the last post in the tags (once again, no mention of numbers that could be triggering, just a heartfelt rant bc I've been so afraid of talking about these things on here, but i really just need to get everything out bc . I feel crazy)
#so basically it was bad. this past summer the relapse was so sugarcoated in the sense that#i was telling myself it was fine. it didn't look the same as it did at my very worst#it didn't even feel the same#but it wasn't fulfilling either. it was stressful. it was exhausting. i was using my anorexia as a way to distract from having depression#i needed to feel a sense of achievement and i got it! but at the cost of my physical health#and my mental health was all over the place like less depressed sure. but way more anxious#it was weird. because even now i have to tell myself it wasn't okay. it wasn't fine. it's not worth it it's not WORTH IT#part of me keeps romanticizing it bc i was so in control and i was still working a little and still functioning in a socially acceptable way#but i know how much anxiety it gave me on a daily basis. only i know how my body ached and how low i felt from my immunity going to shit#only I know what it's like to have horrible circulation and constant weakness#no one else will live my life for me#I'm sure there are people who can live the way i was. im sure there are people who thrive like that#but they only thrive for a short time before it all comes crashing fown#and it's not worth the comparison bc when im suffering theyre not going to help me out!!!!!#when im struggling with the weight of it all. the people that promote tiny little portions and academic excellence with no room for#self compassion#they're not going to nurse me back to health#i won't feel a sustained sense of satisfaction from restricting and studying until i pass out from exhaustion. I've done that before#perfectionism is a parasite and this is a disease. it's a fucking mental illness and it's not even about vanity for me like thats just a#fraction of it#anyway#z.post
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
According to my mood tracking app, the longest I have gone without writing since I started up again in Jan 2021 was ten days in a row, which was when I was in GA for xmas during the last two weeks of Dec 2021...
The overall effect on my mood when including the writing activity is pretty high, in a positive way, based on the data.
All of that to say that my current depressive slump as a result of facing the fact that I may have finally hit a hard wall of burn out, after two years of intense output?
...well, it makes sense lol.
#thoughts#personal#depression#mental health#i desperately need a break i know i do my brain is spinning out ans having difficulty even starting on concepts/stories#but also... writing is the center tower of my support structure it's what I do to unwind and make myself happy#i anticipated some amount of this uhh feeling gutted and empty after break up au was over#but i didn't anticipate this fucking weird limbo inbtw of being burnt out and unable to write but ALSO unable to find joy in other things??#my brain doesn't want to read it doesn't want to play video games or do art or pursue a different hobby#it's not latching onto any non pirate things despite me pspspssing ans throwing other content in front of it#like I'm TRYING#with 1899 with Sunder with Disco Elysium etc#it feels like shit frankly#and also a lot of the pirate ppl i started this journey with have also gotten tired or moved on completely#i just am absolutely CONFOUNDED that my brain is finding zero joy in even rotisserie chickening pirate stuff#who am i?#god i hope it's just a little slump and I snap out of it#cuz i am thrashing like a fish in a net trying to figure out how to make ny brain happy#what's the magic formula#and the brain fog is still here so like i would LOVE more distraction from IRL shit#i can use my friends to produce joy to some extent right now but it's limited#bc im also Still Tired so doing the Jay Thing of trying to fill needs and thus feel useful has a hard limit#reminds myself im not just an endless battery#anyway im desperately trying to find heathy coping and not ooze all over everybody but it's fucking hard#venting#i find it hard to talk to my therapist about this which maybe means i need a new one#just another Thing to do
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
I am straight up not havin a good time.
#I've been considerin killin myself more often than I should and it only got worse today along with my depression and anxiety#and it's been affectin how I work now and causin me to burn out and get more anxious quicker#‘What if I just crawl into the oven?’#‘Cut your fingers with the pizza cutter.’#just so many intrusive thoughts in my head#so much stress#heavy weight on my shoulders#I just want to end it#I'm so tired#sorry for rantin#rant in the tags#sorry for the rant#G rants#I need to shut up#Shut up G#personal#straight up not having a good time#not DC#not DC related#some asks would help to distract me#please distract me
3 notes
·
View notes