#but i’m mentally ILL 💜

[synmmin]

dogs when they're looking for a treat:

dogs after they attack everyone's ankles but want to sit on the couch:

dogs when they know what you are:

[steph-pilled]

i love stephanie brown so much i’m gonna be sick i have twelve diseases i’ll die tomorrow

[zennotixs]

Pretty little bruises all over my skin. Covering my arms and legs…

Purple always looks so nice on my skin, don’t you think? Let me be your canvas. All of these pretty little marks from you… Wont you give me more? With your sharp knife or those perfect nails of yours! These marks of our pure, manic love.

[fashionteahouse]

hiii could you do paul x reader

soooo reader is bella's older sister and paul is imprinted on her

Reader knows about bella decision of turned into vampire after her graduation and reader get into a bad depression and her mental ill went too bad cuz she loves her sister too much and doesn't want her to be a monster

and paul with the other pack trying to help her to be better

btw i'm gonna call myself 🥑anon so you can recognise mee😘😘😘

Thank you for your hard work you always do the bestt fics 💖💖💖💖

I've requested alot before and you always ATEEEE thaatt

heyy 🥑anon 💜 thanks so much for supporting my fics so this really means a whole lot !! hope you enjoy :)

my sister says the saddest things - paul x reader

A hand was splayed out, watching the light of the diamonds bounce around in the room. A smile was thrown your way as you watched your little sister admire her ring.

A tight smile was all you could give her. The ring surely was beautiful. However, it didn’t stop you from furrowing your eyebrows. You move your laptop out of the way as you sit up straighter.

“I thought you didn’t like the idea of marriage?” you question her.

She shrugs as she continues to stare at it, “We had to compromise.” she answers quietly.

“What?” you ask, wanting to know what it was, opening your ears so the words from her mouth could be clear.

“He…If I marry him, he’ll change me.” she rushes out but not meeting your gaze.

Standing up slowly, “What?” you knew your sister was smarter than this.

“Why?” you ask, not angrily but in a disappointed tone.

“We will be with each other forever. I don’t want to grow old and Edward still looks the same.” she tells you as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You look elsewhere as you pace a bit. Bella blows out a breath, as you ask quietly, “So..He’s going to do it exactly when?”

“After graduation.”

“Bella you’ve got to be kidding me.” you say to her as she looks down, “Are you serious?” you ask her again.

“I will still be me. It’s not like I’m going to change and become a different person.” She says to plead her case.

“Yes you will. You will be a cold one. A monster.” you say to her, gritting a bit.

“I will not! You don’t have to use those words.”

“What other words can I call that? Seriously. Sure, you’ll live forever but the moment that venom enters your blood stream I will lose you forever. What about mom? What about dad?” you say and continue to pace.

“I will still keep in contact. That’s why you don’t have to worry.” she says, not even thinking about changing her mind.

“You’re altering your life for some boy. A boy who isn’t even a boy but 119 years old! Come on, think!” you tell her, trying to keep your voice from pitching since Charlie was only downstairs in the living room.

“He’s not some boy and you know that. He’s my soulmate just like Paul is yours.” she says, taking a bit of offense.

“I don’t know. Soulmates don’t dump you in the middle of the woods. Soulmates don’t leave you for months on end and claim it’s to ‘protect you’ ” you say as you form quotation marks with your fingers.

Bella stands and narrows her eyes at you, “Wow.” she says and just leaves out of your room, not bothering to close the door back. You move to the door and push to slam it. A frustrated sigh moves past your lips as tears start to prickle.

Being a vampire wasn’t normal. Sure being a shapeshifter wasn’t exactly normal either but at least they still had a heart beat that thumps. They didn’t have to die to transform.

There was still months of school left. You were in your freshman year of community college while she was still in her last year of high school. It made you sad that you didn’t want the school year to end. You hoped and prayed that it would drag on just so you could still be around your living and breathing sister.

At breakfast, things were a bit tense. You kept staring at her and Bella kept staring at you. Charlie noticed as he set his coffee cup down and clears his throat.

“You girls alright?” he asked.

Bella doesn’t say anything but you broke the silence by getting up, “See you dad, I’m going to be late.” you tell him and push in your chair.

You didn’t bother to say goodbye to Bella, at that moment, goodbye meant forever.

You didn’t have a lot of classes this day, but after them, you camped out on the campus library. Deciding to do your homework there instead of home like you always do. You received a text from your little sister.

“Not hanging out with Edward today. Dad is working a double today. Want to just grab something ?”

“I’m okay. I’m going to study instead”

You finish typing back.

Any other time she hung with Edward after school, but you knew she wanted to make things right. You didn’t know how she could even let such thought cross her mind. You felt a dark cloud over yourself, loom as you tried to focus on your work.

Your shoulders were slumped as you listened to Paul’s voice on the phone later that night. His words didn’t process through your brain as your brain was already stuffed on how life would like for you and your sister in the future.

The sister who was cooped up in her room, knowing Edward snuck in through the window.

“Hello?” you hear Paul say into the line.

“Yes?” you say snapping out of your thoughts.

“Did you hear what I said?” Paul asks you.

He didn’t give you any hints as you say, “Um…you were talking about….I don’t know.” You finally say, defeated to give an answer.

“What were you doing?” He asks.

You rub your tired eyes, “Was just thinking about something. Sorry. Can you repeat what you said?”

“Emily’s. Are you coming tomorrow?” he asked again.

The brain inside of your noggin was flashing a trailer of feelings of how you would feel around a gathering of people. You just didn’t have it in you.

“No. I’m uh…I have a lot of work to do.” you tell him.

“You just told me you did your homework.” he plainly says, catching you red handed in a lie.

“Well, I will have homework tomorrow.” you say in a cruelty tone , taking your frustrations out on him and hang up.

Tossing the phone away from you on the other side of the bed, you put your head into your hands. You then scowl at your door.

You just kept thinking about how unfair it was for Edward to agree to do such a thing to Bella. It was like they both didn’t think or care about you or the family you and Bella came from.

You placed a pillow over your eyes, trying your best to wait for the day to pass.

The days passed slowly, your body losing the motivation to rise up out of bed. Missing classes, you just didn’t have it in you to care.

A soft but cautious knock was on your bedroom door. Your cheek was on your pillow. You didn’t have the energy to open your mouth to speak so you let the person behind your door to decipher which answer you would give.

Choosing the ‘come in’ option, your door slowly opens as you hear a meek voice speak, “Are you okay?”

You roll your eyes a bit as your head didn’t face the door. You continue to stare out of the window that faced the bed that you were currently in.

You felt a dip near your covered feet with a hand on your shoulder.

“I made you dinner.” Bella tells you.

You close your eyes and sigh, “I’m not hungry.”

The thought of food didn’t appeal to you. In fact, it made your stomach churn.

“You think people aren’t noticing but I do. You barely ate in days.” Bella calls out. You finally face her. She shakes her head as her eyes travel your face.

“And you look horrible. Whatever’s going on, we can talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” you tell her listlessly.

“Yes, there is. You’ve been blowing the pack off too. I’m tired of lying for you.” she says.

Throwing the covers off of you, you sit up. “You don’t have to lie for me.”

“Well, you’ve been acting like this since I told you about…you know.” she says.

You cross your arms and glare at a spot on your bedroom wall past her head.

“Come on, Y/N. I know you’re thinking about the worst possible outcome but it will be okay. I promise.” she tried to smoothly say but your face contort into a sorrow look as your lips tremble.

Your hand flies to your face as tears roll down your cheeks. There’s a lot that could happen.

“Please don’t cry. You’ll make me cry.” Bella says as she moves in to hug you.

“Bella just stop. You’re making things worse.” you tell her irritated, pushing her away.

“How?” she asks, feeling the unfairness.

“What do you mean how? You want me to be happy for you? Happy that you’re becoming the enemy.”

“There is no enemy. I will still be your sister. You know that the Cullens have a vegetarian diet so that’s what I will of course will fall into. It’s not like I’m going to be murdering people like the bad ones.”

“Two wings on the same bird, Bella.” you darkly say. You lay back down and turn away from her.

Bella sighs as she looks down. There was nothing else for her to say. However, she didn’t want to leave so soon. She felt it was important you two come to an understanding at least.

“Well, will you at least call Paul?” she asks. She waits for an answer but she doesn’t receive one.

You would, but your phone is dead. You didn’t feel like putting in the energy into charging it.

She sighs again and gives you the privacy that you wanted granted. You were glad that she finally left. The silent tears rolled down again, you didn’t have to worry about someone stopping you from crying.

You grudgingly walk out of your campus, with the goal being getting coffee at a nearby coffee shop.

You hear Paul’s voice as your hand was on the glass door. You turn and see his face, raking over you to see what to think about the sight in front of him.

“What’s going on?” he says, tugging you to him, away from the shop. He smushed your body to his. In a way you did feel a bit better, being around him and in his arms.

“Hm?” he asks as he noticed you haven’t said again.

You try to find the right words as he patiently waited. You sigh, before looking to him, “My sister says the saddest things.” you tell him choking up and this makes him pull you back to him again. You bury your face into his chest to hide the tears that threatened to fall.

“Do you want to talk about it? I’m here if you want to talk.” He offers as you nod after a moment. He takes both thumbs to wipe your hot, salty tears away.

As you sip your hot beverage, Paul decides to speak after moments of processing all that you word vomited to him.

“If you tried talking to her and she’s still being set on it, it might just be out of your hands.” he carefully says. He hasn’t taken a drink of his own beverage. His arms were folded and his face was deep in thought.

”There’s no positivity about this. Why would she trade in her beautiful natural life for something so bleak and dangerous?”

Paul plays a bit with his cup as he looked not directly at you, but at a spot in front of you on the table.

“You have to look at it as, she’s 18. If that’s what she chooses, it’s her choice.” he says.

“I feel like I failed to protect her.”

“You did the best you could. I’m sure you did. But, it’s the life she chose. It’s out of your hands.” He says and you push your cup away.

You wrap your arms around your waist, your mind starts to think about having to accept the reality of your sister’s life.

He places a warm hand on yours, covering it completely before picking it up and keeping your hand in both of his hands.

“What would you do? If it was your sister I mean.” you ask him and he thinks for a moment.

“Of course I would be pissed off but… I would want her to be happy. It seems like Bella wouldn’t cut you out of your life.”

You hoped what he was saying was true. He looks at your hand that’s being covered by both of his, “You don’t have to shut me or the pack out you know?”

You nod, looking down.

“I’m sorry. I will make them something to extend my apologies.” You knew they went crazy for your baked treats.

Going home, you receive a call from Leah. You answer even though your phone was low on battery.

“You went AWOL. That’s so rude.” she says instead of a hello.

You tiredly laugh, “I’m sorry. I’ve just been…” you look to the side and sigh in disparity. There wasn’t much words that could explain how you’re feeling.

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Uh-“

“Exactly. Nothing. So, me and Kim will pick you up tomorrow okay?” Leah tells you and ends it with that.

As you cut the excess dough from a pie that you were making, Bella comes home. She placed her keys on the hook by the front door.

“It smells good.” Bella says grinning as she steps into the kitchen, where you were.

The lit oven showed two other pies that were currently baking. Bella was glad was that you weren’t rotting in bed. She stands next to your work station as she looks over what you have done so far.

“Do you need any help?” Bella asks.

“I got it.” you tell her.

“Are you still mad?” Bella asks you.

“No, I’m not mad.” your shoulders fall and a moment passes , “You won’t be able to eat this stuff soon.” you say in an emotional manner. The clatter of the scissors rattle on the countertop from your hands not being able to hold them anymore. She pulls you into a tight bear hug, Her forearm around the nape of your neck as she held you close.

“Please Bella. Just, please.” you pleaded through a fat sob.

Bella herself was getting emotional. Her big sister was someone she idolized and looked up to. She was very strong in her eyes and to see her break down, made her want to break down as well.

“Everything will be okay.” Bella whispers but you step out of the hug.

“Really? That’s all you can say?”

“I will be happy. I love him, sissy. If it was the other way around, I would want you to be selfish for your own happiness too. Look, ” she says before looking down, “He didn’t want to change me. I insisted him on doing so. He then told me to marry him. We’re both doing something we don’t want to do but we’re doing it because of the love we have for each other. This wasn’t some split second decision.”

You just stare at her, “Are you sure this isn’t about when you went to Italy?”

Silence fell into the air. Bella’s hand nervously run through her hair, “It’s only part of it. I have time but I want to do it after graduation.”

“So just wait then.” you say quietly pleading.

“Alice already had a vision I would be turned.” she whines, not wanting to reconsider her chosen time frame.

“Fuck, Bella. Forever is a long time. You mean to tell me you can’t wait for that little bit of time?”

“I will be older than Edward.” she counters back. Her eyes in horror at such thought.

“You never was like this about age.” you say shaking your head. You then move to the hot oven, covering your hands to take out two hot desserts.

“Are you going to La Push?” she asks.

“Yeah. Leah is picking me up.”

“I can take you. I want to see Jake anyways.” she offers.

“I want to go alone.” you snap to her.

Hurt was displayed on her face but she understood. Leaving you alone in the kitchen as you placed the last pie in the oven to bake.

“You don’t have to chew with your mouth open. It’s disgusting.” you tell Jared, trying to fight a smile.

“Maybe you should disappear more often. If this is an apology, I will accept every time.” he says.

Paul walks past, thumping him at the back of his head before sitting next to you. This brings out a snort that you tried to hide.

“What was that for?” Jared asks, rubbing his head.

“For opening your mouth.” Paul says and drinks his drink.

Leah then comes and pull you up and away from your spot from Paul. She wraps an arm around your shoulders and ask you in an intimate matter as you both move to where people weren’t hovering around.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“I think I will be.” you say.

“Just don’t beat yourself up over it. You still have to live your own life too.”

You nod.

“We can’t kill them because of the treaty. You know this.”

You nod again.

“Plus, what did you realistically think was going to happen once she fell in love with one. She would want to fall into their lifestyle.”

“You don’t see me asking to be a shapeshifter.” you say, looking at Leah’s beautiful face. She displays her teeth as she laughs.

“It’s not possible.”

“Yeah, but if it was, I wouldn’t ask Paul to make me into one.”

This is Leah’s turn to nod. “We can’t really say unless we're really in that type of predicament.”

Embry walks past the corner you and Leah were occupying.

“Wow, cheating on Paul? That’s rich of you.” he says jokingly as he sees you two hugging each other tight.

“Would you shut the hell up?” Leah barks at him, making you bubble out a laugh.

Leah goes to shoo him away and you stay back and lean your back against the wall. You cross your arms and think. Hoping that your little sister will be happy, you couldn’t help but think about how you would grow old and would have to look at her youthful face for the rest of your limited life. Limited. There was no point in fighting or falling out with the only sister you had just because you disapproved her lifestyle choice.

Sighing, you realized that you still love your sister deeply. With your mind made up, you decided to make the most spending time with her before her human life comes to a halt. Just like you found your family, she found hers.

[lokischocolatefountain]

Sickness and Health

A married!Javi Drabble based on this request

Series Masterlist

Rating: All fluff except for a few inappropriate words

A/N: I had to use this gif because I couldn’t think of anything for sick Javi. Just imagine he’s wiping his snot instead of his sweat (you’re welcome for the new mental association I’ve created)🤪. I got this request a month ago and I’m writing it only now 🙈 Sorry anon requester, but I hope you see this and like it 💜

I’ll be fine, he said. It’s just allergies, he said. My god querida, stop mothering me, he said. Yet here he was, flopped on the sofa with a leg on the floor as he snored. The man never came home before her. There were times when he’d come home briefly in the morning to shower and put on a fresh set of clothes before bolting out the door with nothing to spare her other than a rushed kiss. And now here he was at 5 PM, sleeping.

She placed a hand on his forehead, wincing when she found him burning up. Not to say she told him so, but she told him so. But he would hear none of it. The man dropped her off at work with the promise that he’d take an Advil if he needed before driving away to the embassy. He probably forgot. Or his promise was made just to placate her, stop her from being the nagging wife.

She didn’t quite know how to do it, the wife thing. Was she supposed to force a pill down his throat? Would she be the annoying nagging wife men talked shit about to their friends if she did? Was she supposed to leave him be? Would she be a bad wife for neglecting him and letting him go to work ill?

Knowing the man, he probably didn’t have anything to eat. His only intake was whiskey and tobacco from all the smoking he did. Was she supposed to pack him lunch? Send food to the embassy? She didn’t know. He never asked for anything and was happy to eat what she gave him when he came home. She provided dinner, leaving it on the table and leaving a note on his bed reminding him to eat it. Sometimes she managed to force a glass of OJ into his hand in the morning. But that was all. Lunch was a big question mark. What he ate when in Medellin was a blind spot.

Retrieving some chicken, carrot, celery and broth from the refrigerator, she got to work. With some time, spices and low music playing on the radio, the soup was ready to be served.

She poured some into a bowl, placed it on the coffee table and hovered over him. Beads of sweat had collected on his forehead, either from the hot weather or his sickness. Messy black hair stuck to his forehead and she reached over and pushed it back.

“Javi…”

Nothing. She placed a hand on his shoulder and shook gently. “Javi?” He stayed still as a rock. Goddamn. The man usually woke up at the slightest noise. A bullet could leave a gun two miles away and he would hear it. It was rare that he slept at all, so when he did, she did everything in her power to keep his surroundings quiet.

“Mi amor…” she called, caressing his sweat soaked forehead. “Come on, get up. You need to eat something.”

He trembled under her touch and whined something incomprehensible. She tried again, called his name while giving gentle rubs to his shoulders. “…hurts.”

“I know, baby. I know,” she said, smiling at his half-awake form. He looked so sweet like this, so innocent and childlike. She wanted to pick him up like he was a puppy and give him a million kisses. He might be a big bad federal agent but sleeping on their couch like this, he was her little puppy.

“… ‘s the paperwork and…Wysession…la Quica…umm and yeah what do I think?” He mumbled, making her laugh. This fucker would not survive without his job. It took a few more tries and sweet words, some of which embarrassing enough that she’d never repeat to him if he were awake. His eyes opened a little, his mumbling about work dimmed down and he spoke her name.

“Yeah. It’s me. Get up. I made soup. You should have some, have a Tylenol and sleep on the bed. Okay?”

“What time is it?” He asked, sitting up suddenly.

“Six thirty three.” The man always wanted the exact time. No rounding up or down. It was unnerving.

He buried his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes with the flat of his palms. “Fuck. Got an early meeting at eight with Noonan. Gonna be late. She’ll kill me,” he said, getting up. He hunched over the couch, hand gripping on to the leather of the headrest for support as his other hand clutches his head.

“8 PM is not an early meeting. Unless you’re talking about a meeting scheduled for tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow? Wait, what’s the time?”

“Six thirty. In the evening. You have a bad fever and you were asleep on the couch when I got home at five.”

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath.

“Yeah. Fuck. Now sit down and have some soup. You can’t have Tylenol on an empty stomach.”

“Actually, I can. The body absorbs it faster on an empty stomach.”

“Alright buddy, sit down and have the soup,” she said, coaxing him to sit next to her on the couch. He sat a bit too close to her, leaning on her shoulder and placing his weight on her.

“Feel like absolute shit,” he said, dipping the spoon into the bowl of hot soup. He blew on it once and then twice before drinking it. “So good.”

“Thank you, baby,” he said, pulling her to his side. She did not want to contract whatever he had and proximity would increase the chances of infection. But she didn’t have the heart to push him away. Even on a normal day, the man liked physical contact with her. It could be anything from a hand on her back when they were out in public to full on cuddling her in bed. He just showed his affection through touch. She didn’t want to deny him affection when he was so vulnerable and soft.

He drank it down quietly, wincing every now and then from his headache. He even surprised her by asking for a second helping and she gave it to him gladly, even topping his bowl up another time when he wasn’t looking.

“Now Tylenol.”

“Nooo,” he whined, flopping back on the backrest of the couch. “Hate pills.”

She laughed and popped a pill out of the foil wrapper before handing a glass of water to him. “Aww, is the big baby afraid of pills?”

“Not scared,” he pouted and folded his arms over his chest, looking like a petulant three year old. Good god. Was this really the man being paid by the US government to catch Escobar? Or was he the secret sweet cuddly twin to her grumpy sassy Javi?

“Right. Definitely not scared. Now have it.”

“I’ll be fine without it. Just need to sleep.”

“Sure, Dr. Peña. If you say so,” she teased. She was definitely noting down all the details of his behavior in her head to tease him with later. “Can you have the liquid Tylenol?” She asked, recalling seeing a bottle of it in their medicine cabinet.

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” she said, getting up to go fetch the Tylenol for him. Before she could step away, his hand wrapped around her wrist. She looked back at him to find him staring at her with those big brown eyes, all wide and precious. He was still grumpy, but less intimidating and more adorable. “I need to take my hand with me, Agente…”

“No.”

“No?”

“Don’t go. I miss you.”

“It’ll just be gone for a minute. I’ll get you your Tylenol and be right back.” Huffing, he finally let go of her hand. When she returned, he smiled up at her lazily before grabbing both her wrists.

“Javi…I can’t give you your medicine if you don’t let go of my hand.”

“Exactly.”

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of this too. There is no plan C, Javier. Pill or this,” she said, holding up the bottle of the liquid acetaminophen.

“That tastes like shit.”

“Yeah. You’ll survive.”

“I wooooon’t,” he whined, pulling her onto his lap. He may be very sick, but he was still strong and worse, unaware of how much force he exerted. She fell with her face forward, smushing into his chest. She made a low sound of satisfaction before wrapping his arms around her and settling his chin on her head.

“Bebito…”

“‘m not your bebito. I’m your husband.”

“Yeah yeah. Then stop acting like a bebito, bebito.”

“Don’t do this to me. That thing tastes vile. Tastes like shit. Like, like horse shit mixed in with rat poison.”

“God, you drama queen,” she teased, adjusting herself on his lap to sit up properly. “It’s just 20 ml. Have some of it, drink some water to wash the taste off and go to bed. God knows you need the rest.”

“Fine. On one condition.”

“Uh huh?”

“Bit of whiskey after the medicine.”

Absolutely not.

“Of course, baby. All the whiskey you want,” she lied through her sweet smile. She did not have the energy to argue with a gigantic baby she couldn’t yell at. She’d make him have the medicine first and figure out the rest when she had to.

At the mention of whiskey, he smiled wider than the day they got married and happily let go of her wrists. She hissed at the dull pain around them, flushing when she realized just how strong he was. Yet he never used such strength on her, handling her gentler than this even when she asked for rough treatment. She’d have to ask for more the next time… she looked away from him embarrassed. The man was sick and delirious, for fuck’s sake. It wasn’t the most appropriate time to be horny.

“Tilt your head back,” she ordered and he followed immediately, exposing his neck to her. “Now open your mouth,” she said, bringing the little cup of the liquid to his lips. It went alright for the first second, but when it touched his tastebuds, he gagged and groaned.

“Uhh that was fucking disgusting!”

“That was just 10 ml. You need another 10 for the full dosage.”

“No, no, no. Please don’t do this,” he begged before sticking his tongue out as though casting out the organ for making him experience the medicine’s taste.

“Please, Javier… Just one more, okay?” She said, pouring him the other half of the dose. “Imagine you’re taking a tequila shot.”

“Then it should be on your bellybutton with salt on your tits and a lemon wedge between your lips.”

Horndog

“Suuure. You couldn’t tell it was evening and not morning just half an hour back but you think you can do a body shot, huh?”

“Absolutely can. You didn’t know me in college. Plus I’ll do anything to lick your tits,” he said, his eyes looking too adorable for the things he said. Shouldn’t he be too sick to be horny?

“Alright big guy, open up” she said, tipping his chin back and forcing the rest of his medicine down his throat. He groaned and whined once more and summoned a couple demons with the sounds he produced.

“Tequila?” He asked, pouting as he fixed his puppy dog eyes on her.

“Sure. Go sit on the bed and I’ll bring you the goods,” she said, helping him get off the couch.

“Perfect. You’re the best wife, you know that?”

“I’m your only wife. You don’t have much else to compare me to, do you?”

“Fine, I’ll get more wives. Test the hypo- hypo…tenuse?” He asked, squinting.

“Hypothesis.”

“That’s what I said.”

“You said hypotenuse. That’s the longest side of a right angled triangle.”

“The fuck,” he said under his breath, allowing her to lead him to their bedroom. When she’d gotten him to lie down, he pulled her to himself and held her to his chest. She was yet to have dinner and there was a tv program she’d wanted to watch before bed. But with his arms around her and his lips mumbling in his sleep, she couldn’t bring herself to pull away.

It wasn’t often that she got to be wrapped up in his arms at this early hour. Why fight it when she could savor it.

[tiredmamaissy]

hey 👋

i think this is the longest i've been gone. i missed you all a lot. i've been writing this entire time, and wanted to finish the last (for now, it’s definitely not completed) two chapters of the ralak series before officially coming back. i didn't want to come back without some sort of peace offering (lol how could i come back empty handed?) and i don’t want to leave you guys hanging again, gotta give some sort of closure to this series!

i'm almost finished, but i felt like i needed to come on here and explain myself.

i've been really struggling with my mental lately. it's just been pretty bad, to be frank. and when i get like this, i find it extremely difficult to juggle all that life entails, and will typically neglect certain aspects of it just to get by. unfortunately, this, and my social life, have taken the biggest hit. i find it hard to keep in touch regularly with friends, and i end up just retreating into my shell. motivation becomes little, or nothing at all.

i don't want to go into too much detail, but i've found myself between a rock and a hard place. i don't feel like i have many options in my current situation. i feel trapped. i suppose i've felt this way for the past few years, but it's just been pretty bad recently. issy has been an escape for me. i created a ‘new’ identity, one that i could unapologetically be myself. no face to the name type of thing. i fell in love with pandora, yearning to go there. and suddenly, my ideal world--my ideal everything was at my fingertips.

when i first started, the feeling of regaining my identity after so many years was exhilarating. i put many, many things on the back burner to immerse myself into this feeling and this world. quicker meals, shorter showers, later bedtimes. i did any and everything to dedicate as much time as i could muster up to hold onto this new identity. i could feel myself becoming happier, slipping back into who i was before i lost her.

but life just happens. you know? it continued, and it did so ten-fold. it was one thing after the next, and soon my plate was so full that i had to take something off of it. i guess i'm used to choosing myself to neglect first, so i told myself i'd put this off until i could get through this and then come back. so i did, and i came back. then life happened again. so i left, and came back.

but this time around life hit me hard. i felt like i was playing a game on the hardest difficulty, with a half a life, no pauses, and no way to exit safely. i'm still playing that game, but i've realised that i should really try to make the most of it. so i've been writing in what time i have. it's been one of my biggest escapes and it makes me happy that i can share it, and see that others enjoy what my silly brain comes up with.

i'm ready to come back, but i'm honestly still really overwhelmed with life. i really, really don't want to disappoint anyone…and i can't promise that i won't leave again anytime soon. i never want to leave. and honestly, i don't think i'll ever really leave for good. i will forever love avatar, and all that it’s done for me for the past 14 years. i guess i’m just trying to say… thank you all for your patience and love.

okidoki, let me stop here while i can lol.

ill be posting the chapters as soon as i'm done with them, ofc. i love you guys!! i’m heading to bed and will try to clear out my inbox and dm’s asap

-issy 💜

[saintjosie]

Being a cool trans woman role model that occasionally posts some unhinged thing about kink or mental illness (she's just like me fr)

aww ty! i’m glad that you find me to be someone you can consider to be a role model!

tbh i talk a lot because there’s a lot of people willing to listen but i don’t really consider myself to be role model material. i think im a person who’s made a lot of mistakes, trying her best to be better.

i think more than anything i have had the benefit of being a person who has had a lot of time to work on herself, some writing skill, and a platform to talk about things that a lot of other people have learned too.

but this is lovely, thank you 💜

[xaharadesert]

Super Chatty MC - Headcanon

Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC

A/N: For another lovely anon! I wasn’t planning on writing 2 days in a row, but this was a super cute and simple one, so I had a lot of fun with it! Please let me know if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes (it’s 4am as I finish this, so I’m sure there’s plenty of errors) requests are open!

❤️Julian❤️

He’s undeniably verbose himself, so he’s in no position to judge

There may be moments where you’ll be in the middle of a rant and he’ll accidentally cut you off because you’ve reminded him of one of his own adventures

He will apologize of course, and encourage you to continue what you were saying, but he hopes he’ll get the chance to tell you the story later

Unfortunately he is prone to getting distracted while you’re talking, so while he would love to actively engage with all of your ideas, his mind is too busy making connections to other topics

But even if he struggles to pay attention, he’ll never grow tired of your boundless energy

🧡Portia🧡

As long as the topic is interesting, she doesn’t mind at all

She’s a big fan of gossip, so she’s always listening in to your latest rambles, even if they’re not directed at her

She has a way of needling her own thoughts into your rants and turning it into a proper conversation

You’ll hardly even notice since she matches your energy so well

It might be a bit of a pain for the people around you if you’re in public, but you two seem so happy in your own little world that no one has the heart to bother you

💛Lucio💛

This man has never been an active listener in his life, and as much as he loves you he is not about to start

He won’t stop you from rambling, but he’s definitely not paying attention to what you’re saying unless it’s directly related to him in some way

He’s mostly just thinking about all the things he’s gonna say when it’s his turn to talk again

It’s almost like a competition over who gets to speak; every time one of you pauses for too long, the other gets started on a topic that might not even be related

That being said, when you two are mutually interested in a topic (particularly drama), the conversation can last hours with full investment from both sides

💚Muriel💚

He’s really not a talker, so you’ll never be in competition with him for talking time

That being said, he’s not much of a listener either; he tries his best to pay attention to what you’re saying because he wants to show that he cares for you and your thoughts, but he gets tired quickly

He’s not really used to the constant noise, and it can stress him out sometimes, so he’ll not so subtly shoo you outside to go chat to the chickens

That does make him feel a little bad, and he hopes you understand that he doesn’t have any ill intentions

He just needs a bit of alone time to recharge so he can be the best version of himself for you

💙Asra💙

He loves to listen to the sound of your voice even if the topic isn’t interesting

After knowing you for years, he seems to have some sort of sixth sense that tells him when he actually needs to be paying attention to what you’re saying

You’ll never be able to tell if he’s actually listening though, because he always looks like he’s in dream land (whether he’s gazing at you with a dreamy look in his eyes, or staring off into the distance like he sees an entirely different world, Asra always looks like he’s got more going on in his head than he lets on)

Occasionally he’ll mention some obscure detail that you spoke of maybe once like a month ago just to throw you off track when you think you’ve got his listening patterns figured out

It’s really not something to stress over; he makes it clear that he loves you, and loves your chatty nature even if he seems distracted day to day

💜Nadia💜

She is perhaps the only person in Vesuvia with enough mental power to always pay active attention to what you’re saying

Being a politician has given her plenty of practice at effectively dividing her attention, so she can listen to you while still completing other tasks and even holding other conversations

Just when you think you’ve lost her, she’ll ask a relevant question to assure you that she’s invested in whatever you’ve been ranting about

It’s not always an easy task for her, and she does need a bit of quiet at the end of the day to recharge, but she understands that you have no ill will

In fact, she occasionally takes advantage of your chatty demeanour and sends you out to distract various important individuals who she doesn’t really want to talk to herself (with your knowledge and consent, of course)

[anti-socialexperiment]

“Just got a perfect on rhythm heaven fever’s remix 10. Dude I’m so fucking excited I’m SO gonna brag.” - Jackie

“It’s been a while since I posted here, haha. Never did I think this would happen. I still need to find a place on the world now that I’m out of school, Veruca tld me there was a bathbomb place that may be a good fit. I’ll check it out.” - ALANNA

“Going Christmas shopping for my qpp ☺️ ! She deserves the little things 💜 .” - Lehana 🌱

“ i don’t think i need my onlyfans anymore ^^ i may still post here. anyways i got myself a gf and after a little bit of help (ovr 2 years LOL) i realized how unhealthy my sex habits were >m<!! i am not complaining, it is a struggle trying to heal but a good girl can survive!!” - angeline <3

“i haven’t posted in two years? oh. well I haven’t been online that much. might need to update my page… not like ill post that much” - nancy 🩸

“Life has been wonderful since my husband got arrested!! Going to meet up with a friend from the mental hospital for a pedicure! Je suis heureuse que nous ayons tous les deux grandi et survécu, Nounou.“ - ~ Viviette ~

“HOLY SHIT NEW TF2 COMIC!!!!!!

“ - melly !!!

“i have never felt more pretty ♡“ - Veruca

“me and tiya are going to this kick ass habachi restaurant to celebrate our clean streak!!” - “zeze 💥💥”

“I may had to give birth all those years ago. But I am happy I’ll rarely see that baby.. My brother took her in 2 years from now, and now I can heal. You can heal. We all can.” - Inka

[nikoniclove]

I think you kind of know what you did with the series, with the stories you created, but I still want to tell and thank you for it.

With every word you wrote you gave so many people a save space: foster children, ptsd survivors, sa survivors, people who suffer from mental illnesses and trauma, soldiers and so many more. You created such a big save space for so many people, it’s unbelievable. I realized it before and the thought was always in the back of my head but with the chapter ‘a broken glass’ I saw it clear as the day.

I suffer from childhood trauma and some other illnesses too and I’m in therapy, but (I think I’m not only speaking for me) the character you created helped me so much to get through some dark times.

I just wanted to thank you for this, because it’s rare to have that kind of save space but I am so glad that I found it.

thank you, I wish you a happy new year

The terrible thing in common with that laundry list is the ability for it to make someone feel so isolated and alone.

I hope my stories give people hope that that’s never the case. Whether it’s a kink you like or a trauma symptom you have or feelings of insecurity, despite what it can feel like, you’re not alone.

I could never have guessed that my hobby would turn into a community and safe space for people, but I’m certainly glad it has.

💜

Happy new year!

[wrenofwvnds]

when ur reading this, i’ll be at ‘next to normal’ yippee!! it’s really magical to have a special interest in a show AND be able to go and see it multiple times. i’m so grateful. and u better believe i’m gonna be sitting there trynna soak it all in as much as possible! revelling in caissie levy’s voice!! in awe of the entire cast!

agh i know i’ve basically become a free n2n content creator at this point but i really think this is once in a lifetime, UNMISSABLE theatre. go and be moved!! it’s still effecting me honestly, like seeing mentally illness portrayed so honestly and lovingly on stage, i didn’t know how much i needed that and it reminds me how important art is. and how much i want to write my own stories about mental health 💜

[theparissquad]

Hello! My name is Charlie Spring. I’m the brand new host of an OSDD-1B system. We’ve recently undergone a lot of innerworld changes in our system and gone from having almost a hundred system members down to a measley (and annoyingly uneven) eleven. [EDIT: There are 12 of us now if you include Nick’s mum] All of us, except Comp who is in charge of internal affairs and record keeping, are fictives from Heartstopper, hence the system name. We will try to remember to tag posts with who’s posting, though sometimes we are a bit forgetful in that instance. However, the ones you’ll see here will be tagged as follows:

Charlie: 🥁

Nick: 🐶

Tori: 🧋

Tao: 🎬

Elle: 🎨

Issac: 📚

Tara: 🪈

Darcy: 🎺

Imogen: 🐩

Sarah: 🫂

Ben is here too, but you won’t see him as he’s our persecutor and clearly not ready to be let out into the general public. Go figure.

[UPDATE]: There are alters from other sources now too. Just ask for a list. :)

A bit more about us in general:

🩷We’re Endo-friendly

❤️We’re proship

🧡We have BPD, OCD, & ARFID

💛We’re autistic

💚 We’re currently receiving treatment for our mental illnesses

🩵We’re bodily 27, but most of the alters are 15-16 innerworld

💙Heartstopper is our hyperfixation as you can see

💜Imogen’s not like, homophobic; she’s an ally /ref /lh

We can’t wait to talk more here. 💙💛

[msbutterfly5294]

< Ms. Butterfly’s Creative Process - Released >

Today is Creative Flight Day ! :D

What is Creative Flight Day ( aka CFD or CF ) ? Creative Flight Day is scheduled days of the month that I dedicate to my creative endeavors . I have a self meeting on the first Thursday of every month to create and look over my accomplishments or needing - improvements in my creative things ; and every two weeks ( on Mondays ) I have a day where I work all of the day ( or majority of the day ) on said creative things . Every month the tasks + goals change ; but I can re-work on them where I see fit . Creating the name : Creative Flight Day .

My leisure months where I can relax and not do creative things ( but is encouraged ) are June ( my birth month ) and December .

What are the guidelines of Creative Flight [ Days ] ?

Firstly , there are things called Objectives ( or CFO ) that I work on during the month .

Objective A ( aka A or AO ) is for written things , like stories , character bios / info / timelines , scenes in the stories , plot and general story timelines etc etc .

Objective B ( aka B or BO ) is for art things , like learning to draw a different art style , clothing and accessories , character designs , etc etc .

Objective X ( aka X or XO ) is for both written and art purposes but accepts anything related to creativity , examples are learning how to *insert strong emotion or mental illness* accepts people , learning how to write more confidently and not passively , how to fill your sketchbook , where to look in stories where ( x , y , z ) happened , etc etc .

Under those main objectives , are sub-topics to work on . I have ADHD ( inattentive type ) so having multiple mini tasks to work on during the CFD’s and the month as a whole helps push my creative endeavors along . They go through all objectives in order from ( one ) to ( six ) . I use this to help me focus , however I also have a co - creator on my creative journey and I include him on my objectives therefore there are two mini objectives .

I’m a weirdo so I like labeling my personal stuff like it’s code sometimes , so when I work on a CFO I write it like this : XO-06 , AO-01 , BO-04 , etc. . . It can be written as simply as : X-05 / X-5 .

Objective ( X )’s main category can be titled but I leave it unwritten .

And. . Yeah , every month I go with this process and I’ve noticed it has helped me creatively and spiritually even 😊💜

TLDR / In Conclusion :

The Creative Flight Template Here :

This is what I call Creative Flight ( CF ) or Creative Flight Days ( CFD ) . It is a personal creative process where I work on three main Objectives ( aka CFO ) which includes two sub - objectives under each main category ( nine objectives in total ) during the month . It is a way for me to keep track of efforts , or lack thereof , in my creative endeavors and set goals for it .

On the first Thursday of the month , I have a meeting with myself ( occasionally my co - creator ) to look over everything I have done during the month . I have a check list of questions for myself and a list as a whole that keeps track of each objective . I can choose to re-work on objectives in later months if I see fit . During this meeting , I create new objectives to work on for the new month .

Every two weeks during that month , I work on the new objectives . This is the guideline I use :

Objective ( A ) , also known as A or AO , is for written things .

Objective ( B ) , also known as B or BO , is for art things .

Objective ( X ) , also known as X or XO , is for both written and art purposes but encourages growth in general creative processes . ( I leave this main category untitled but if you want to try this process and you title it , go for it :3 )

The sub - objectives are more specific tasks to focus on and create more diversity in what is being achieved during CF . Instead of focusing on one task for a whole month , create small efforts in many things . Because I have a co - creator , I include him + his insights on my objective list thus the two sub - categories .

Anywaysss , happy writing yall ! And have an excellent Creative Flight Day today ! 🦋💜🦋

[thestoppingofaheart]

I love this little comic strip so much. Ugh Nick is so supportive it makes my heart melt. I genuinely love all the volumes, although v.4 is a bit darker I’m glad that mental illness and recovery was a huge plotline. It makes me feel less alone to know that I’m not the only one that struggles with my mental health. That recovering from toxic coping mechanisms is definitely possible. Everyone goes down a different path, not all healing is linear. I’m glad Charlie was able to get help. If you’re reading this, and you’re currently struggling please know it gets better. You are valued, you are loved and you are going to get through this. You haven’t experienced your happiest days yet, there’s still people to meet, hugs to be had and many smiles left to come across your face. Don’t give up. 💜

[esta-elavaris]

2nd Jan '25

Discussing the less than ideal foundation that's been set for this "12 consecutive 50k months" challenge, and what it means for my fic writing going forward 💜

In the run-up to this year, I decided to do a preliminary 50k month in December. I wasn’t going to be strict about hitting the goal – and I’m not sure if I did, because I fell off of the wagon when it came to strictly calculating everything in the final week, but at a rough guess I was in the mid-forties, which isn’t bad at all. I was purposeful, too, about not being too strict with it, because I hadn’t counted words religiously at all throughout the year, and going too hard too fast (don’t be a twelve year old, babe), seemed like a recipe to fuck up my chances before they even began. So I’m cool with the fact that I probably didn’t hit the full fifty, that wasn’t the goal, and I’m pleased with how I did right out of the gate, anyway.

Unfortunately, life is life-ing. Early on in December, my grandmother was hospitalised. I’m being careful about what details I do and don’t get into because it’s not my business to tell, but she got her test results back on the 30th, and on New Year’s Eve, she sat the family down and announced that she is seriously ill. Make the worst assumption here, and you’re right. As things stand, she’s looking into treatment options, but she is in her mid-eighties, so the treatment options sound just about as good as the thing they’re supposed to treat, y’know? And this woman is the closest thing to a mother I’ve ever had. So it’s rough. We suspected as much throughout December as we waited for results, but in the not knowing there was a certain kind of comfort and an ability to hand-wave away the worst case scenario as anxiety talking.

But it wasn’t, and now we’re here.

Now, we know that I write my best when I’m under extreme stress. Catch the Wind happened while I was homeless. I’m learning, however, that the difference there was that the worst was happening to me, and not to someone that I love, so it’s slightly different here and now, and I’m left wondering what to do about this challenge. Another problem with this whole situation, although it’s far from the worst one and I feel guilty for even worrying about it, but I have to from a practical standpoint, is that if the worst case scenario happens, it could trigger a whole bunch of events that would mean I could end up homeless again. And I’ll be honest, guys, I don’t have another stretch of homelessness in me. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever been through, amongst a fucking litany of traumatic events. It’s the only thing I’ve been through that I could not face again. And if I have to, I will, but I’m very scared of it.

My gut is telling me to still go for it anyway. I think it could be a good thing, amongst it all, because I’ve found that giving myself challenges is a good distraction in the day-to-day, and one thing I can look proudly back upon when it comes to my homeless era is that I handled it well. I did two NaNoWriMos, I kept writing every day, and I did the 75Hard for 96 days (21 more than I had to), and it all kept me sane. But, again, that was all happening to me. And that had a happy ending. As much as I’m hoping and praying that this one will, too, I just don’t know. I don’t know what life is going to look like come the end of this year, and I know that even with all of this in mind, I’ll feel shitty if I abandon this challenge before it even begins, and I’ll also feel shitty if I attempt it and then immediately fail it. I’m not good at giving myself grace with these things, and there are several areas in my life right now where I want to improve, for a whole boatload of reasons, so it’s not like this is the only challenge I’d be taking on either.

All of that being said…I still want to try it.

As things stand, in the day to day, nothing is really changing right now as far as my daily routine is concerned. It’s just the mental load that’s been added – knowing what’s happening, what will happen, and what could happen. But I think this will provide a good distraction, it’ll give me a daily goalpost to focus on rather than thinking myself sick, and that’s pretty valuable right now. If the day-to-day changes, I might need to re-evaluate, but I’ll have bigger problems on my mind then.

With that being said, though, it has come as a serious reminder that I need to shift my time-spending priorities as far as my fanfic versus original writing habits go. Fanfic is easier. Maybe not in terms of plot, and it can actually be more challenging where characterisation is concerned, but you have a framework to go with. Plus, if it’s shit, it’s shit. It’s not the end of the world, if you get hate you can laugh at it, it’s fine. Novel work is a different beast. I’m building a fantasy world from the ground up, I need to make sure what lore I establish in chapter three is a) easily understandable and b) not contradicted in chapter fifty-three, and it’s just intimidating.

And honestly, I have no back-up plan, which goes against 95% of the advice that’s given to people trying to “make it” in creative fields. I’m very limited career-wise because of my health, and it’s essentially writing success (even if only minor success, which is still unlikely in creative fields) or bust. Knowing that doesn’t make the creative process easy, because you write every line with “what if this is the one that ruins it and nobody will want to publish it?” in the back of your mind.

Fanfic also has the added bonus of supportive people cheering you on with each chapter, which works wonders for the time-old creative habit of insisting every single thing you write is crap. With the novel, I don’t have that, it’s much more of a long game, and it’s honestly very scary.

But it’s the same thing I’ve been grappling with for ten years now in that regard, and it’s time to get over that and just get it done. I’m not saying there won’t be any fanfic, I enjoy it far too much for that and it’s a great way to blow off steam and keep writing fun, but I do need to stop hiding from the risks of original works by running to fanworks for comfort.

And honestly? If I am going to succeed in the traditional writing sphere…I want my grandmother to see it. This whole thing right now is standing as a reminder that she and my grandfather won’t be around forever, even if this current situation doesn’t turn dire, and I’ve made no secret of the fact that my family largely does not approve of my writing, and don’t believe it’s going to go anywhere. And I’m not even trying to prove anything to them – this isn’t a “I’m gonna miss my chance to show them that they’re wrong!” kind of thing, this isn’t the fucking time for that and I’m not that petty. But I know they do worry about me, and if I can get this thing moving in their lifetimes and, if it works, show them that I’m going to be okay and that I have something here? I want to make them proud. That’ll be worth facing the fear for.

So…yeah. I’m still going for the 50k months, as things currently stand. With a huge amount of effort to give myself some real grace if it doesn’t happen and I don’t hit those goals. I’m already behind, I won’t lie, because I was given the news on the 31st, spent the 1st still drunk from the night before, and the day that has passed since just largely feeling very numb, but I think this is something I need to do.

I have no idea how to end this post, other than to say I’m very grateful for how unfailingly patient and kind the people who read my things are 💜

[fictionkinfessions]

I love my husband send tweet. I’m mentally ill now. Kinshifts go brrr

- 💜#🔥

w