#but i’m just enjoying it a lot? like there’s an incredibly complicated plot for me to piece together and the main 4 characters fucking rule

[mossflower]

YOURE READING HOMESTUCK??????????? HELLO SOSOSOSOSO TRUE. HELLO.

hiiiiii <3 this is partially your fault you’re one of my like 3 mutuals who post homestuck

[sapphicthunderhead]

TMAGP 21 Spoilers Ahead!

Right out the gate we get yet more confirmation that Sam is trying his best to do the right thing, but that his curiosity is a substantially greater motivating factor behind his actions than either his self-preservation instincts (which may be nonexistent) or his moral principles. This is positively fascinating characterization.

Also, this episode really uses setting to help establish tone in a much subtler manner than a lot of podcasts, which require the characters describe to the setting verbally (Penumbra, Sherlock & Co., Malevolent). Of course, I don’t think it’s quite on the level of setting-through-sound-design that The Silt Verses pulls off, but environmental storytelling isn’t as necessary to the plot and world-building in TMAGP as it is in TSV, so that’s not necessarily a criticism.

Celia cracks me up with her talk of “complicated immigration status.” Every scene featuring Celia is heavy on Dramatic Irony from the perspective of we who Know (have listened to TMA) and bring an element of mystery to the plot for any and all audience members, be they in the Know or not— just a little bit less for the former. Reminds me of the early days of TMA in the way. Jonny does a great job of introducing a mystery element seamlessly into all his horror fiction, and I think the two complement one another perfectly. For another example of this, see his book 13 Storeys (it is spelled that way deliberately). I highly recommend the audiobook on Audible.

(Did anyone else subconsciously assume Jack was some sort of sinister Fear receptacle before this episode? Celia seems genuinely emotionally attached to him, so I’m a little less concerned now.)

On to the statement itself: FUCKING MAGNIFICENT. I am positively infatuated with this one. So much suspense! So much information, such a beautiful bit of storytelling, and yet NO ANSWERS! I am dying for an explanation here, in the best way possible— because I also found myself perfectly content to just enjoy the events unfolding while I was listening.

I really felt that the authorial tone and style Jonny used for this character, Mr. Kennings, harkened back to one of the major inspirations for TMA: the ghost stories of M.R. James, one of my favorite horror authors (alongside Shirley Jackson). I first read his collected works after Jonny mentioned him in a Q&A, and I was hooked; I have since re-read his work a couple of times.

But it wasn’t just the style of this episode I enjoyed. The substance was also very satisfying. I find the idea of the scholars and administrators of the Institute bickering like petty children whilst using their most formal jargon, attempting to conceal their contempt for one another behind a flimsy facade of civility, incredibly amusing. I also found Kennings’ jabs at the British monarchy and his concern about soil toxicity and its effect on the laborers and foremen at the construction site allowed me to follow his perspective somewhat sympathetically— although I was horrified when he did nothing to assist the poor man whose decrepit old doppelgänger emerged from the earthen wall of the ditch to drag him underground. But I should have expected it. Kennings worked for the Magnus Institute, after all.

As an aside, this tragic event could have a couple of possible symbolic meanings. The description of the haggard elderly counterpart of the younger construction worker, who drags himself out of a wall of dirt that Mr. Kennings specifies exhibits “tell-tale indications of heavy metals in the earthen edges of it,” evokes the idea of a young man confronting what his life looks like if he continues to sacrifice his health and safety to this dangerous line of work. It could also be the reverse: the old man killing a younger version of himself who made poor choices (because he had so few choices or none at all, because he had to support himself or a family, who knows?) that would otherwise have killed him slowly and perhaps agonizingly, the toxic gas seeping out of the soil and into his lungs and blood. By the end of the statement, I was surprised that the writers had titled the statement “Breaking Ground” instead of “Poisoned” or something along those lines.

Alice trying to protect Sam from the scary little men in the computer was very amusing. Silly Alice, he serves the plot now! There’s nothing you can do to stop him, my dear! Mwahahahaha!

Lena Kelley being worried about Gwen wasn’t entirely unexpected, but does further emphasize the contrast between her and Jonah-Elias. Still unclear whether Lena is a cog in the Fear machine or is actually doing anything to protect humanity, but she clearly thinks she’s doing the latter. Can’t wait for her disillusionment arc, epiphany, and/or moment of self-awareness.

Then we have Gwen, Ink5oul, and…. What the fuck is that. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck? That can’t be Jon. Another Archivist? Gertrude? Doesn’t sound like it. Who? What? Definitely an extension of the Eye, but the voice is unfamiliar.

Returning to the subject of Kennings’ statement: this series continues to emphasize that there are no clear delineations between Fears. Doppelgänger? Stranger. Dirt? Buried. Pollution? Extinction. All of the above? It’s just fear. That’s all that matters.

[ghuleh-recs]

In honor of @anamelessfool’s birthday I have made us all a mixtape of my personal must-reads from her incredible arsenal of fanfiction. You are not ready for how brilliant her writing is. There is truly something for everyone. Whether you’re a reader-insert enjoyer, a terzomega enjoyer, or even a late-1970s noir mystery enjoyer—Fool’s got you covered. Tight plotting, satisfying characterizations, and lovingly constructed lore can be found in every single one of her creations. Her world building is unmatched and never fails to blow my mind. Don’t even get me started on her young papa portrayals. I frequently have to kick my feet and scream into my pillow over how wonderful (and sometimes heartbreaking) they are.

To top it off, Fool is a terrific artist and such an interesting and lovely person. Have you seen @resin-popia?! What can’t she do?

Please do yourself a favor and check out the recs below. Be sure and leave some bday comments and kudos if you do! Like I said, there is something for everyone.

Recs under the cut.

Violence & Gentleness - Primo x OC

You made me forget myself...I thought I was someone else, someone good... LATE OCTOBER 1979 Primo has his work cut out for him as the bodyguard of the beautiful and fearsome Mater Emerita Jocasta. As mystery after mystery unfolds, it becomes harder to remain a honest man in this den of thieves called the Ministry.

For One Creature's Sake - Primo and Copia

"Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it."- Frankenstein's Monster Moments in Primo's and Copia's lives.

Ribbons & Ties - Terzo x Omega

For reasons beyond Terzo's understanding, he wants to give Omega a present for the ghoul's "birthday". It proves to be a lot more complicated than Terzo realizes.

Reciprocity - Terzo x Omega

Terzo and Omega spend a tender afternoon together. Nothing bad ever happens to them ever again.

No Deal - Nihil x F!Reader

1970Nihil was one of these friends of friends of friends. Some forty-something cat who lived further up in the mountains, in what you suspected was some sort of commune. Shit like that was pretty common around here. The higher up in the mountains, the weirder folks got. Could be the altitude. You've decided to live a quiet bohemian life, but one of your clients Nihil has plans for you that afternoon other than just chatting about the latest albums.

Sweeter Red - Copia x OC

Your kiss so sweet, your sweat so sour…sometimes I’m thinking that I love you... but I know it’s only lust. Copia is a scrungly little nerd and this totally happened to him. There's something about Cardinal Marian. Maybe it's the way she infuriates him with her laissez-faire attitude, or ingnites his soul with envy of her free spirit. Rage and love, at a certain point they merge together into an overwhelming burning in the heart and mind: passion.

VIII Strength - Copia x GN!Reader

VIII STRENGTH Strength (Physical and Will), courage, persuasion, influence, compassion Copia is a pent up sort of man, he always has been. He enjoys being Papa but on his worst days the title has a near physical weight pressed across his shoulders. He comes home to you, and you can tell when it's been one of those days. Luckily, he has you to guide him.

𖤐 you know the drill--bookmark, read, and leave kudos/comments!

Did I forget your favorite? You've got a standing invitation from me to add your own rec and reblog ♡

[ladysomething]

Hi! I just got caught up with “Where you go, I go”.. I’d been seeing it around a lot and had already read a lot of your other works, but I was a bit scared of starting it for many reasons.. I finally started it two days ago and gobbled it up so fast. I have to admit I spent something like 16 chapters screaming at Charles and sometimes at Max too, but I was still glued to it. It’s so well written! And the plot is really interesting even if certain things are hard to read sometimes and some of it really hurts.

I cried through all of chapter 18, I’m talking full on sobbing here. Max, my baby.. being so ruthlessly self critical, thinking he is undeserving of anything remotely good and still sacrificing everything for the people he cares about. You can stop beating yourself up for things you said and thought when you were an angry teenager. You deserve the world and Charles better get on that same page soon. I know Kelly, Sophie and Jean-Luc agree with me here.

The last 3 chapters were wonderful, it’s nice to catch a small break from the pain and I love how Charles is dealing with having a bit of a clearer picture of Max and his motivations. That said I am dreading this moderate high point because I fear we still have at least one more crash coming. Pierre’s blocked number I’m looking at you.

Thank you for this incredible, complicated, deep journey you are taking us on. I can’t wait for the next chapters.

Love, Liz

hi liz!!

I'm so glad you enjoyed it and thank you for your kind words. I like reading all of those Great War chapters at once would be so stressful and make them both seem so terrible (which tbf ... they were) so I'm glad you stuck with it!!

you going on that emotional journey with them, both with the frustration but then also with all the sadness and happiness ... I love it.

also, because you're new here ... I can confirm we have at least like 3 more crashes/low points coming.

[artblock-tm]

Can I get the director's commentary on literally anything you want from Shadow Rift. You can do the whole book if you want. I wanna hear your thoughts

Okay okay okay SO! Grr Shadow Rift. Me and my complicated relationship with Shadow Rift………

For those who don’t know DP Lore, Shadow Rift was a fic originally posted to a different website by a different author. The author wanted to abandon it, but I really enjoyed it, so I reached out to them and asked if I could continue it. Shockingly, they agreed, but I had to follow the original idea for their story.

Writing (part of) og Shadow Rift really dipped my toes into fic writing, and was what initially drew in some of my oldest readers (hi Marci). However, after some years of improvement as a writer with the publication of Masked, I just… didn’t like the story anymore. So I reached out to the original author again for permission to rewrite it and they basically just gave me full control of Shadow Rift.

I won’t talk about it too much since they’ve asked to remain anonymous, but they weren’t satisfied with it either but didn’t have the spoons to finish it. And that’s what brought us to Shadow Rift THE REWRITE!

Now that I think about it… I wish I hadn’t deleted my SR planning doc as soon as the epilogue was published… oops.

ANYWAY. SR is quite different from the original, both in quality of writing and character. While the plot moved generally in the same direction, some lore things were changed and the characters actually had concrete ARCS! WOAH! INCREDIBLE!

Like Hat Kid had an arc that improved her view on the world, however subtly. Although you may argue that it was the return of her soul that did this, the soul was only the macguffin. Her developing relationship with Snatcher is what made her develop as well!

Speaking of Snatcher… ugh he was so fun to write. I loved his and Hattie’s dynamic of continually butting heads. I love the parallels that originally appear as foils… AND it was great to make Snatcher an actual character too! I got to fill him with transgender allegory! Happy pride!

However, the character that drew the most evil giggles from me as I planned how to screw over was none other than Elliot. Oh, Elliot, how I love putting you through the wringer. I also had so much fun giving him a new character arc… in the opposite direction of Snatcher’s.

While Snatcher’s perception of himself merges together and he comes to accept himself and Elliot as the same person, just with changes, Elliot comes to make a distinction between himself and Snatcher. Snatcher is okay with himself, including Elliot, but Elliot isn’t.

Snatcher to me is a lot of hard edges with a softer demeanor. Even though he’s soulless, that doesn’t make someone incapable of kindness (like Hattie thought).

But Elliot is the inverse. He’s all soft edges with a sharp pointed center. And, understandably, the events he’d been through- bodysharing, getting cursed, literally mind-merging with Snatcher for a hot minute- wore his patience thin. It doesn’t help that his fate, like Hattie’s, was swiftly approaching, only his was unavoidable.

It shouldn’t be selfish to want to live, but isn’t it tragic that his actions only ended up speeding the process of his and Hattie’s death? Hehe.

Those are my thoughts on the main characters, but there are some minor ones I’d like to comment on too.

I’m sure that many readers noticed that Karmin wasn’t originally part of AHiT! Yes, I used Shadow Rift as an excuse to write her more. And if you noticed that the arc with her was surprisingly open-ended, that was intentional! You see, I did it for thematic purposes. I’m not gonna hold your hand on this one though.

More importantly, though, Vanessa.

Urgh. Vanessa.

I’ve never been able to write her adequately (UNTIL RECENTLY!! I LISTENED TO MISS MISERYGUTS BY RIP AND EVERYTHING CLICKED!! EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU TO GRACEBETH3604 FOR INTRODUCING ME TO IT!!!), but I’ve had kind of a renaissance on Prince and Vanessa characterization recently. SR!Vanessa was a way for me to experiment with a Vanessa that regretted her actions.

But don’t get me wrong- she doesn’t regret them because she’s becoming a better person- she regretted her actions because they had consequences for her, too. She lost her prince and she came to grieve that loss, but not what she did.

(Also Elliot getting cursed was essentially a nod to Gracebeth3604 also. A!au my beloved. Makes me go insane)

For those people who know the original story, they’d know that the whole thing stayed in Subcon. I thought that was rather stale, so I had the setting move to Alpine, and then to Time’s End. That was fun :)

and ummmm I think I’ve run out of things to say! Sorry I started watching a movie in the middle of writing this and for so caught up in analyzing it that I forgot everything I meant to say

[aimfor-theheart]

i’ve been reading godmaker for the first time and i’m not super far into it (i’m on the third chapter) but it’s reminding me a lot of sharing beds like little kids insofar as the readers have similar abilities and the tragedy hovers in the atmosphere similarly. i’m not sure how to articulate it but it’s that foreboding feeling that all of this has been decided already and we’re all hurtling toward inevitable heartbreak. and i think that’s u grappling with the existing tragedies present in the source material of the manga/anime but i wanted to let u know that it’s a really great atmosphere for the fic. it hurts a lot to know that the hope within these fics is very small and proportional to how powerful and how deeply constrained the main characters are by their situations in life. whether it’s hawks with being a hero or dabi becoming a villain or gojo becoming a god i think it’s really interesting that u grapple with these themes. it’s really interesting to draw a through line across these two fics. it also makes me think about coin toss a bit and how you’ve talked about how that’s like The Story u wanted to tell about tomura. it’s really resonated with me since u published it bc it really encapsulates the tragedy of tomura and hero society. and i just wanna say thank u that u approach these topics in ur fics bc they’re not easy but they’re really rewarding as a reader trying to engage in the source material in a way that isn’t really done by the creators of the mangas themselves

woah….anon i’m not gonna lie to you….this is maybe the most seen i’ve ever felt about my writing?? lmao?? does that even make sense?? but ig i think you just captured entirely, exactly what i set out to accomplish with those fics and it is very insane and incredible and i’m just?? a little lost for words

i just really really appreciate you—not just taking the time to read my fics but then come to my inbox and articulate your thoughts and dissect my writing and—literally Get It like spot on!!!

there are several things to know about me: i love tragedies. i love stories dealing with time. i think there is a great deal of room for tragedy within plots centering time. and like you said, i just really wanted to tease out those elements of tragedy that i saw within the original works.

in general with heroes (or gods)—there’s this fate tied to them. you know? when we deal with such titan figures, there is a myth and fate tied to them. gojo especially to me is like…so macbeth-ian (perhaps getou is moreso but. they both are) in the sense that….was he always going to be a god? or did he make himself that way because that what was expected and told to him? does it matter—if he by his own violation or not would still become one?

and i like inserting a reader that further emphasizes or complicates that. i also just like my very powerful, all-knowing, cassandra readers.

anyways. i just can’t get over this ask. thank you SO much. thank you from the bottom of my heart. it was rewarding to write it!! even more rewarding to hear that it was captured well and something that you enjoyed and sunk your teeth into!

thank you thank you thank you 💗💗

[crazy-ache]

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

📚 -> what’s the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

I answered this in another ask, but I also recently put this quote down in my notes app to remember for my fic/use as inspiration, ACOWAR (Elucien’s Version):

“I saw the way the two of you looked at each other last night and this morning. There are no others. There is only the Duke.” - Violet Bridgerton

🧩 -> what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Gosh, this is a complicated question. I’ve been reading fanfiction for literally 10+ years. Over that time, I realize I have developed a distinct taste for certain tropes, plots, and works—as is natural when you do anything for that long. I definitely know what I like and don’t like in fanfiction. Right now I am primarily reading Elucien fanfiction. I instinctively am attracted to works/authors that put a lot of thought and care into the Elucien mating bond. I crave work that depicts their bond as complicated, layered, full of yearning and intense hidden desire, tender but fierce, and rooted in the undeniable pull of fate. Push and pull and push and pull. All of those things are inherently romantic but also a bit tragic—and thats the best escape for me when reading.

So I’m more likely to click away when I feel the story isn’t centered on their bond as incredibly influential to their everyday actions/thoughts or their feelings aren’t complex. But that’s just my taste. I think anyone who reads my work can pick up on those themes as well. I know not everybody wants to see Elucien depicted that way. But that’s what great about fanfiction. Somebody else out there likely also enjoys those things. I love reading about it and I love writing it.

[stillness-in-green]

On Chapter Posts (and What Comes After)

Just a heads-up to everyone that, at least for the time being, I’m putting the chapter posts on moratorium.  I’ve been far more critical than not for months on end, and while I do get some satisfaction out of the venting, it’s just gotten more mentally demanding than it’s worth.  Compliments are easy and fun to write!  I always end up feeling like I have to do more writing to support negativity, however, providing enough explanation to support my complaints, and often going even further to anticipate and preemptively counter responses.

That big slab of nitpicking sits at the top of my to-do list week-in and week-out, a responsibility to keep on top of lest I fall behind, pushing answering asks and working on other projects behind it, and with the chapters of late having become incredibly demotivating, not getting them done means I get nothing done.  It certainly doesn’t help that Horikoshi’s writing has become so dependent on fake-outs, asspulls, retcons, and purposefully misleading cliffhangers, all of which make it unrewarding in the extreme to put effort and thought into meaningful analysis on a chapter-by-chapter basis.

I apologize to anyone who was really enjoying them—I’ve had a number of people tell me they love my meticulous breakdowns, and I’m forever grateful that my anal-retentiveness has found some like minds!  That said, please don’t fear that I’m out of the BNHA analysis game entirely!  I’d just rather focus my attention on larger-scale material, subjects that require analyzing the work as a whole, rather than the week-to-week grind.

First up will be clearing out my ask backlog—not, I think, a terribly burdensome prospect this time—as well as give the Mina fan the answer I promised them months ago to their last reply in our series of lengthy exchanges about Chapter 383.

Afterwards, my current and wishlist projects include:

Below the jump, I've compiled a list of my projects, meta and fanfic alike.  Feel free to skim through if you’re interested in what the chapter posts have been keeping me away from!

Meta Projects:

An absolutely massive documentation of heteromorphobia in the main series and Vigilantes that I’ve been erratically working on since March of last year—41 pages and I’m still only at the beginning of the war arc!  I’ve been trying to decide if I want to just start posting this in arc-length breakdowns or finish the whole thing first for optimal organization and presentation, though I suppose I could do the former on tumblr and the latter on AO3. Anyone have a preference?    

The much-delayed essay laying out the evidence for the possession plot with AFO and Shigaraki not being the originally intended endgame for those characters, at least not in the form it wound up taking.  Currently six pages, this one is still mostly bullet points; it also hasn’t been updated to reflect some of the more recent wild inconsistencies.  I’d like to give the series time to wrap up whatever it’s going to do with AFO before I publish this one, in case of eleventh hour reveals, but there’s certainly a lot of draft work I could be doing in the meantime.    

Some follow-up/companion pieces to my MVA In Memoriam series.  I’d like to go back to the PLF Spotting posts, which were intended to run through the anime’s treatment of the PLF in the war arc, and I’ve also been compiling points for a schadenfreude-y post on the dazzling variety of ways the anime’s butchering of MVA has complicated its own future as an adaptation.  This would cover things like the anime having to hastily jam in the CRC scene as a flashback because, whoops, it turns out heteromorphobia is going to play a major role in the climax, or the whole-hog deletion of Curious talking about quirk counseling, given that Horikoshi would later directly depict how said counseling exacerbated the psychological abuse Toga was already facing from her parents.    

An essay I promised an anon last year about my perception of the MLA’s ideology.  I’m salty about what the lazy, rushed writing in the final arc has reduced my favorite villain group in the manga to, however, so at this point, I want to do two things with this piece.  First, analyze why the MLA's current portrayal is so problematic*—what they say doesn’t even match up with who they are and how they act now, much less in their MVA portrayal!  Second, discuss how I write them, extrapolating from the non-caricatured aspects of their portrayal with the intent of offering a version of the MLA who are still extremist, cultish villains but who are allowed to have some proper nuance, and an ideology that’s actually consistent with their history, their tactics, and their MVA-era characterization.    

A number of shorter fancies and trifles that I’ve thought about and taken a few notes on, but have never gotten around to fully drafting:      o A post on how heroes and villains respectively engage with dramatic unmaskings.      o A post on directionality of movement in visual media, highlighting some particularly interesting examples in BNHA to discuss what those examples indicate about the characters’ mentalities and the narrative’s silent, implicit judgement thereof.      o A post on how frustrating it’s been to see all of Toga’s powers and abilities get retroactively leashed to—and limited by—her girly love-love emotions.      o A post on the chronic underestimation of Shigaraki Tomura and the woes it consistently leads to.      o A post or two analyzing the final beats of each chapter in the War Arcs with the aim of critiquing the way the series undermines the threat presented by the villains during said arcs.

   

Fanfic Projects:

On the fanfic side, it’s been frustrating me for months now that I haven’t written a substantial piece of non-prompt-driven fanfic for BNHA since January of last year, and even that's being generous with the word "substantial." Before that, I'd have to go all the way back to 2020 to find a non-prompt-based fic with a distinct beginning/middle/end. Suffice to say I’ve got lots of projects on that front!

While the rest of these are all BNHA fic, I do have a Gundam IBO fic I'm, like, two-thirds finished with the final chapter of that I badly want to finally, finally finish. It's basically down to an awkward conversation or two and a pair of wedding vows I've consigned myself to writing by virtue of drawing attention to them in the preceding chapters, RIP.    

The perpetually languishing Obon fic, in which Re-Destro has a lot of feelings he is taking care not to examine too closely about his ancestors. Six thousand words and not even halfway finished.    

The self-indulgent ShigRD mermaid fic, which has a number of cheerleaders in my friend circle and also my id.    

Finish the MLA May AUs.    

I'd like to circle back and write something for those last three days of Spinaraki Week Level 3 I never got to.    

Brainstorming two distinct massive fix-it fic AUs I would at least like to draft some solid outlines for, even as it's unlikely I'll ever have the patience to write all the scenes about the kids they'd require.      o "Forward Different" (the current name on the OneNote tab) would start from the first war arc, being faithful to the canon up to that point, but with major and minor changes that ripple outward to take the story farther and farther from canon the longer it progresses.  (In that story: the MLA not folding like a bad hand in the raids, a Lady Nagant who's true to her professed hatred of empty platitudes, OFA being less of a perfectly good pushover, etc.)      o "Backward Different" would also start from the first war arc, but things would drastically diverge almost immediately because of a number of strategically placed changes to prior events and character motivations; these would be wildcards to be uncovered or deduced as the story progresses.  (In that story: Aoyama was revealed as the traitor all the way back at the training camp, cast members who actually matter turn out to be MLA, OFA is less of a perfectly good pushover, etc.)      

I also have a number of deeply backburnery ideas, still more in the category of "idea" than project, that I could to move to more active project status.      o The one where my might-as-well-call-them-my-MLA-fancharacter has to team up with Toga post-Jakku and travel across a rapidly unraveling Japan in order to meet back up safely with their allies.      o The one where I use an OC detective to examine the official response to the Shimura massacre, and how it got squashed.      o The Kotarou Lives AU, in which Kotarou survives said massacre. Look, gang, I just really want to write about AFO gleefully and aggressively coming on to Shimura Nana's deliciously bitter, traumatized, handsome, ignorant son. I also really like my idea for a lead-in/stinger on this one.      o The one where Geten busts himself and his allies out of prison, be it the canon-verse story with his now-confirmed cell neighbor Mr. Compress or the teenaged AU where he gets thrown in the same high-security juvie Mustard is in.

And that's about all I can dig up out of my notes at the moment. Let me know if there's anything you guys are particularly interested in, though priority is likely to go to shorter or more fully developed projects. Thanks for reading!

(* In the academic sense, not the moral one.)

[bleachbleachbleach]

1/15 - 1/21/2024

I’d actually forgotten about this, but I started the week with "Kira is intimidating so let's write something else" panic and ended up with 1000 words of unrelated Matsumoto fic. It was one of those writing sessions where I had a floating premise I wanted to explore ("my girlfriend who lives in Rukongai") and then thought about what timeline would be most interesting for it (the immediate aftermath of Isshin’s disappearance), only for the part I actually wrote to end up being mostly about Akon. You know, it happens.

I still have not finished Kira’s chapter, but I am VERY CLOSE. I also noodled a bit in Chapters 14-20, because Kira’s chapter most directly connects to Rose’s (14), though regrettably this does not help me with the first half of the next chapter, which continues to be a large ???

Highs

I understand now why this chapter has to be narrated by "Izuru" and not "Kira" because as the writing has gone on, I keep realizing over and over that *oh* yeah, this is not the Kira this man brings to work, these aren’t even thoughts he would share with his friends; we’re deep in Izuru territory here.

I enjoy writing Kira because you can write some truly batshit things in some truly batshit ways and then be like, yeah, keep that in there actually!! I stand by this (among many other substantially more baroque things): Izuru’s aunts twitter behind him and Izuru imagines his ears wandering down their canals and into the back of his throat. It’s quiet there.

Kira's is an interlude chapter, away from the main action, but I feel like he definitely understands himself as the main character in his own story here. Love that for him, but I'm equally happy about feeling like this chapter has actually more to do with the rest of the fic than I’d previously given it credit for. I think it potentially revisits both the plot and structure of the ending of the previous chapter (Rukia 7) in really interesting ways, and could do well in seting up further exploration in the next chapter (Hisagi's).

Lows

I feel deep deep deep deep shame about a scene I wrote in the very middle of this chapter, and writing every scene that followed required me to return to increasing feelings of shame. I do not yet know whether that means I should take it out because it shouldn’t exist, or if my reasoning about why it should; and why, against most logic, it should be in the *middle* of the rest of this, to boot, is correct, actually. But I did manage to just keep writing, regardless of my level of incredible shame, so there’s that. Not that fun, though.

I feel like I’m learning a lot of things about Kira, and I am trying to just let happen whatever happens, but there’s a lot where I’m just like, okay, but I’m not sure I actually believe that about Kira (and later, Hinamori shows up and then I’m not sure I believe all of these things about her, either). So there’s a lot to sort through, and I’m worried because I don't think the end result is going to be a pile of characterization to sort through; it will be a garden, and there is going to be stuff that needs to be excised but is already seeded into the nerves or I guess like, the root system, of the chapter in ways that will be more complicated than "well, just delete that line, then." 

I also feel like I’m writing the season premiere of a 5th-year CW show, where there’s a lot going on and it’s all a bit unsettled. It’s introducing a new flavor to set apart what’s coming from what came, but it’s also trying to manage four seasons of previous lore and is perhaps high on its own lore supply. Maybe it’s fine because this is, in fact, the beginning of Part 2, and Part 2 is just Weirder. But it’s also Chapter 8, not Chapter 1, and does not functionally have to be the "beginning" of anything; it’s the middle.

[kwonzoshi]

Hi! I’m not sure if you’ve been asked this before but, what are your top 5 BL’s that you watched this year?

Hi Nonnie, I have NOT been asked this before! So Thank you!

It's going to be hard to pick JUST 5, but here we go:

5.) Big Dragon The Series

This makes it to my top 5 because I really found myself loving the series. The more I learned about it and got into it, the more I got excited for it and didn't want it to end. It IS a bit on the chaotic side story wise but it was surprising for me how much I enjoyed it. The complexities of these characters and their feelings for each other, just how DEEP they were, I am total sucker for it. I am so ready for season 2!

4.) Secret Crush on You

Of COURSE these lovable dorks are going to be in this list. This was one of the BEST series to come out this year. Honestly truly. NueaToh was absolutely incredible and so was SkyJao. I loved the entire story and the pace they took it. They showed 2 sides of a story that could've EASILY gone so wrong but the fact everything lined up the way it did just made me adore it even more.

3.) KinnPorsche

Of course KP has to be in the top 3. This series had me on the edge of my seat, ready for the next episode to air. It was complicated, romantic, funny and just overall so good. I loved the darker themes that were involved and it was so refreshing to see the characters being real and making mistakes and just doing HUMAN shit. The tumbl app was unbearable but I also think that's what makes this series so great. It started conversations and had EVERYONE tuning in.

2.1) Light On Me

One thing about me, I'm a SLUT for the cutesy shit. I mean seriously I had zero criticism for this series other than that it was too short. It was cute and sweet, and the 'conflict' was minimal. It was an easy watch and one of my comfort BLs for sure. I rewatch it all the time and I LOVE it every single time.

2.2) Semantic Error

Yes, yes there is a tie for number 2. But these two really are just SO FANTASTIC. Just like Light On Me this was such an easy watch for me. Cute as hell and the 'conflict' was also minimal. I rewatch this one constantly and it's just one of the BLs that I truly 100% enjoyed this year. I already LOVED Park Seoham, and this was just another reason to add to the list.

1.) Love In The Air

Let's pretend to be shocked. Of course my #1 series is LITA. I mean, it had EVERYTHING I could have wanted. And while I do feel that each story should've either had their own series or happened simultaneously, it's still a solid mf series. It gave us plot, it gave us emotion, it gave us sex, it gave us comedy.. I mean what more can we ask for?! To think I wasn't even going to watch it... that's crazy.

It takes a lot for me to dislike a series so this is just the ones that stood out to me the most, personally. I have loved every series I have finished so far, and them not being on this list doesn't take away that they're good too!

[the-bi-space-ace]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

(for the “directors cut” ask thing lol, any wip ya want :D (although i’m particularly invested in The World Tumbles Down ofc))

OOOOOOH BOY. Thanks for asking 🩶

Okay I have been really excited to share some more stuff about The World Tumbles Down so I’m sorry this is going to be long 😅😅😅

I think the best way to start this is to open it up with dialogue from a later chapter that came to me randomly that I wrote down the other day:

“Has anyone seen Rex?”//“It’s okay. It’s okay to cry, Rex.”

Both said by Echo….have fun deciding when (and why) that’s going to happen!

This fic means a lot to me. For a lot of reasons. Calling Me Home was the first fic of mine that I put any serious planning into. It has a storyline I’m particularly interested in. It’s about a lot of things but at its core it’s about Echo learning to grieve Fives and start sharing his life with the rest of the batch. Yes, it’s an order 66 fix it, but it’s Echo intentionally finishing what Fives started and learning to not let his grief ruin his memory of Fives.

He started opening up, he really has. It really started with Hunter and I spent a lot of time building him up to that. Hunter asks for the first time way back in the third chapter of the first story and Echo doesn’t even give in until chapter 14 of the second one. He puts walls back up pretty fast bc of… well… everything. In the chapter I’m going to post today he’s going to let that wall down a little more with another batch member. It’s a somber moment but it’s also heartfelt and he really needs it. He’s slowly opening up to them. He’s learning. It’s just taking a lot of time. It’ll be worth it, though.

The World Tumbles Down is the struggle era of this fic. Everything they know is getting torn down and typically strong characters are going to be broken down throughout this. everything else has been more or less in their wheelhouse. It’s a mission. They’re used to missions. This is different and they’re struggling to reconcile everything.

Especially after this next chapter. I hate to say that things have been easy so far but… things have been easy. Chapter 7 is when everything falls apart/together so we’re almost to the most intense parts of the fic.

I want to touch on Trick for a moment because he’s going to become important as we move forward and… his life is really irreversible changed after all of this. He’s my sweet, lovely, snarky boy and I love him dearly but oof. He doesn’t come out of this unscathed. I’m not going to kill him don’t worry don’t worry. But he is going to suffer :)

Lastly I think I want to touch on how I go about writing this fic. I have a goal of writing the first draft of two full chapters plus one new fic idea each month. I’m currently up to writing chapter… 12? I think it’s 12. That’s my last writing goal for the month of May. I write veryyyyyy far in advance. Mainly because if I don’t have concrete goals I likely won’t write and I’ll get overwhelmed. It’s also to give my partner time to edit and make suggestions. We’ve changed the timeline of major events in the middle of the fic and we only caught those plot holes from me writing this far ahead. This plot is more complicated than I’ve written before and I was incredibly anxious about it leading up to posting it. Writing ahead like this gives me the time to see how a decision in chapter 3 impacts chapter 13. I am almost constantly writing, along with working on new stuff too. It’s fun, I enjoy doing it like this. It works for me! All of that to say that I’m working very hard to make this fic great for everyone and I am excited that it has been getting so much love <3

Thanks for sending this ask I will never pass up a chance to talk about this fic 🩶🤍🩶🤍

Link for the ask 😊

[neversee]

Dramas I watched in 2022

This year I watched a lot of dramas, I began to watch BL dramas and a watched A LOT, I got addicted, so most of the list will be BLs. It may or may not be in chronological order.

1) My little happiness

It’s an almost enemies to lovers, but the “enemies” part is forgot right in the begining, so it’s an old friends that got apart to lovers. I really enjoyed, the actors are from one of my favorites cdramas “Put your head on my shoulder”, their chemistry is really good and I had fun watching. The 2nd couple is really good too.

Where to watch: Viki.

2) Semantic Error

Ok, here we start the BL fever. I LOVED Semantic Error. It’s my frist BL, and it’s on my top 3 dramas of the year. It’s fun, heartwarming, the main couple is amazing, their chemistry is great. After I finished the drama, I started reading the manhwa, and I realized that de kdrama is way more soft than the comics.  Anyway It’s great!

Where to watch: Viki.

3) Be Loved in House: I do.

This one was a recomendation from a friend. I enjoyed, It’s not an amazing drama, but it’s good. The acting is ok, but not great. Its an enemies to lovers, boss/worker relationship, and a sharing house situation, so there’s a lot happening. I iked the main couple, but I don’t really liked the 2nd couple, and to be honest I think they made the wrong choice to dedicate the last episode to this specific character. 

Where to watch: Viki.

4) When Your Eyes Linger

I don’t really know if I liked this or not. The 2 main characters were friends and one of them is like the body guard of the other or something like that. We have a problematic family here too, so there’s a lot of drama. One of the actor were great and the other not so much, and it was very evident in some scenes.

Where to watch: VIki.

 5) Cutie Pie

Probably my first thai BL, and man...they don’t joke around. I really enjoyed, It’s a arranjed marrige situation, where the main character loves his fiancé, but the guy doesn’t really look like he wants to marry. And what I like the most is that the main character decides to break his engagement, bringing chaos to his world. It’s really funny, I laughed a lot, the couples are great, and I became a fan of Zee, he’s a great actor.

Where to watch: Viki, Youtube.

6) HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count

Well, we have here a complicated situation. It’s a high school romance, the nerdy guy and the school’s good-for-nothing. It’s a beautiful romance and everything, but to be honest... I hated the ending. Like, I just hate it so much. Some people might like it, but I’m not one of them. The positive point of the last episode is that the actor that does the main character is AMAZING, his acting is so touching, it made me cry. Another thing that I don’t like, I noticed that it happens a lot in tawainese drama, is the relationship between a teenager and a adult man. “ah, he is in his last year of school bla bla bla”, I don’t care, he’s a teen, and the other guy is like 30-35, it’s not right people. Ah, I amost forgot: the OST is INCREDIBLE, I got addicte to the opening song.

Where to watch: Viki.

7) Why R U?

I LOVED IT. Tutor and Fight are one of my favorite couples of this list, I loved the plot, even with all the problems. Aparently they were not the main characters, it would be Zon and Saifah, but I saw on internet that the had an issue with the pandemic and they had to change the plot. But it doesn’t matter because I loved all the couples. The story is hillarious, the couples had great chemestry, and I recomend you not to watch on the tv, because there’s a lot of mature scenes. Ah, Zee and Saint are here. 

Where to watch: Viki.

8) TharnType and TharnType: 7 years of love + TharnType Special

MY FAVORITE DRAMA OF THE YEAR. I love TharnType. I know they have this problematic relationship, and they do a lot of wrong stuff to each other and that they’re not the best couple of the dramaland, but I love the characters, what can I do? I had fun, I laughed, I cried, I got angry, it’s a rollercoast of emotions. I understand who doesn’t like, but I enjoyed a lot. If you want to watch I have to say that the drama has a lot of triggers (ped0f****, h0m0f0bia, abusive relationship, r*p*), and I recomend you to look for it before watching. The first 4 episodes are terrible, they do all the wrong things, but latter it get’s so good. I can’t help it, I liked. Ah, I love the OST, it’s great.

Where to watch: Viki (1st and 2nd season), Bilibili (special).

9) Love by chance

I watched this drama for 2 reasons: 1) they’re in the same universe of tharntype (the story happens in between the seasons 1 and 2), 2) Saint is the main character. Tbh, I don’t really liked the drama, I thought it was a bit boring. I know there’s a continuation, but I don’t really feel like watching. 

Where to watch: Viki.

10) Why Women Love

This one is one of favorites of the year. The couple has a great chemestry, I loved how the relationship was developed. It’s a “noona drama” (the woman is older than the man), it’s a boss/worker relationship, but I don’t know if I can classify it like that, because he’s the heir of the company so... I really recomend this drama, the actress is amazing, and the ML is none other than Wang Zi Yi from Nine Percent!! (yes, the bg from idol produce s01).

Where to watch: Viki.

11)  A Romance of the Little Forest

This drama is 50/50 for me. In a general way, I loved, I loved the main couple, I think they’re great. I am all for cientist that are make up bloggers and their high school crush. But the 2nd couple is horrible. I skipped basically all their scenes. The way their relationship was developed is just wrong in a legal way. Awful.

So this drama is a 5 stars for the main couple, and a 1 star for the 2nd couple.

Where to watch: Viki.

12)  Mr. Bad

I love the sinopses of this one, It’s about a girl that acidently makes a wish to get a boyfriend, and brings a character of her fanfiction to life. It’s a enemies to friends to lovers. I love the character development that happens here, the way the relationship changes, It’s f*cking great! You know, I literally screamed when they hold hands for the first time, It was that good. Althought the story has this magical setting, this is an office drama, but without all the fighting that we usually get. I liked basically everything but the ending, It was not bad, It’s just I don’t usually like that concept that they used to fix everything.

Where to watch: Viki.

13) Business Proposal

I think it’s one of the most popular dramas of 2022, It’s a very cliche story, I think everybody knows about it alredy. I liked, I had fun watching, I loved that it was only 12 episodes, I think the ritm was great. The main and 2nd couple were AMAZING, their chemestry was incredible. 

Where to watch: Netflix (Brasil).

14) My Sweet Dear

A really nice web drama, the episodes had 15 minutes each I think, it’s a cute story about two chiefs that are competing to be the main chief of the restaurant. The OST is GREAT, I got addicted. 

Where to watch: Viki.

15) Roomates of Poongduck 304

It’s a ok drama, cute, the acting not so great, but a great way to pass time. I heard one of the actors, or both of them, will be on Boys Planet, I hope the do well there.

Where to watch: Viki.

16) Lovely Writer

Here we get back to the thai BL dramas world, I really enjoyed this drama. I think It’s a really down to earth drama. It’s about this guy that writes BL books, and one of them get to be adapted to tv, and in the casting day he meets this actor that is really atrative and really wants to meet him. 

Where to watch: Youtube.

17) 2gether/Still 2gether/ 2gether the movie

For like, 2 days I thought this drama would be my favorite drama of the year, but latter I got to watch more dramas and I think 2gether got at least in my top 10. I think this drama is perfect introdution for someone who never watched a BL drama. It’s cute, the actors have a great chemestry, we don’t have mature scenes, it’s a college drama. Ah, and it’s a fake dating! We don’t have a lot of kissing scenes, but I really like this sentimental vibe that the main characters show. I really recomend.

Where to watch: GMMTV Chanell on Youtube.

18) Star in my mind

I enjoyed, I think it was a little bit overdramatic. It’s a college drama, where the main character was in love for this guy in high school, but he had to study abroad, so in his last day of school he confessed, and was rejected. Now in college, he participates on this talent show and have to share a room with his old crush. Everything in this drama happens because of misunderstandings, and we know this causes chaos.

Where to watch: GMMTV on Youtube.

19) Sky in your heart

It’s the continuation of Star in My Mind, and we have the older brother of the main character of SIMM as the main character of SIYH. Yes, you have to watch it in order. 

I loved this drama, really, I LOVED. I don’t really liked the brother in SIMM, but here with the ML, he’s great. The story happens in this vila where the MC and his friends go to do voluntier work, there he meets this teacher that gets his attention right when he arrives. I love the chemestry between the couple, it’s soo goooood. It’s a 10/10 for me.

Where to watch: GMMTV on Youtube.

 20) Fish Upon The Sky

It’s very similar with SIMM, here we have this situation that the main character is in love with someone, but he has to dispute the love of this person with another. Sometimes is very dramatic, but the comedy is really good too. The mc’s brother is so fun, he’s the best in this show.

Where to watch: GMMTV on Youtube.

21) 1000 Stars

People, you’re not ready for the greatness that this drama is. It’s so emotional, it’s so down to the earth, it’s so amazing and hearwarming. One of my favorites of the year.

The story is about this guy that recives a heart transplant from this teacher, and he decides to fullfill her last wish. So he goes to this village, and becames a teacher. There he learnings a lot of life lessons and etc. I really loved, It was a surprise for me. I loved the main couple, even if I got angry in a lot of scenes. It’s a 10/10.

Where to watch: GMMTV on Youtube.

22) HIStory 3: Trapped

I was really worried with this one after “make our days count”, but I had a lot of fun. It’s a mafia drama, and yes we have the mafia stuff, but what I liked the most was the comedy, I laughed a lot here. I think the couples were great, even with all the weird moments.

Where to watch: Viki.

23) Theory of Love

It’s a friends to lovers story, but with a very complicated development. For like 70% of the drama, I hated the ML, but the drama had this very smart idea in the half season that got me to like the couple more. I really liked the other couples, one of them made me really surprised. I recomend this one, but get ready to be angry.

Where to watch: GMMTV on Youtube.

24) Since I met U

Short c-drama with 16 episodes, each with 30 min, which tells the story of a pastry chef and a blogger who talks about sweets who are forced to take care of a child together. I thought it was ok, it's not a surprising story, it's that show you watch at lunchtime, you know? Lightweight, without many problems. I think it’s kind forgettable too.

Where to watch: Youtube.

25) En of Love: Love Mechanics

It’s a short drama, with 4/5 episodes I think, about two guys that hate each other, but one day they got drunk and sleep togheter. The problem is that one of them is dating a girl for years, and has no intention to break up with her. I should had watch Tossara first, because this is a continuation BUT the sinopses was so interesting that I couldn’t help. I really liked, we have a lot of problematics stuff, but in the end I enjoyed. After I finished, I found out that this drama has a 12 episode version that released in 2022, so I obviosly watched.

Where to Watch: Viki, Youtube.

26) Love Mechanics

It’s the longer version of En of Love, I’m so happy that they made this version. It’s really good and they fix a lot of plot holes that we had in the en of love version. I highly recomend you to watch this version if it’s possible. The chemestry of the main couple is 10/10.

27) My Love Mix Up

It's a really cute Japanese BL, adapted from a manga. This drama is a misunderstanding that became a reality. It's so fun, cute, soft jdrama. I really recommend. 

Where to watch: Viki.

28) Ghost Host, Ghost House

I thought it would be about a "ghost hunter" blogger or something like that, the main character says he is a ghost hunter, but he's just tells stories about ghosts. And the plot does not even focus on him, it focus on his family. I don't want to give spoilers, but It surprised me a lot. The romance is very nice, but the family part is great.

Dramas that I have yet to finish: Today’s webtoom, Bad Buddy

Dramas that I gave up watching:  Oh! Boarding House (It’s really bad)

[withacapitalp]

i’m gonna be real here, and i mean this in the kindest way - i loved your wayne & steve series so much when i first read it, and i just stumbled on it again and saw it was still updating and thought ‘now why didn’t i subscribe???’ and then went back to reread and catch up, and then i got to the end of the fifth fic and remembered why - it seemed like you were turning it into one of those fics where billy is a rapist, who abused & assaulted steve, & you didn’t tag that you would be using him as a villain, and in your end notes you said that arc would feature heavily in your next fic, but then i go to that fic and i don’t see any relevant tags or warnings and i didn’t want to read and get even more attached and then be caught off guard, again, by such a harsh depiction of one of the characters without any warning.

idk. i get that a lot of people don’t like billy, and that’s fair and it’s up to everybody which characters they do and don’t jive with. it’s not even like i haven’t read and enjoyed fics where billy is set firmly as a villain or presented in a really 2 dimensional way, because i have. but it’s different when you go into a fic, wanting to read about a certain dynamic and certain characters, and are blind-sided with hate towards another character that you like - especially when the author has decided to depict that character sexually assaulting somebody and implies that the character is a repeat sexual predator. that’s really heavy to be sort of thrown into on a fic where you’re not expecting to see that character at all, you know?

like i said, i really enjoy most of your fics and i think you’re a great writer. i guess i’m just disappointed that i’ve now TWICE had the experience of happily reading your fic and then being blindsided by such a dark depiction of a character who wasn’t even tagged. it’s really disconcerting and upsetting. ao3 has a great tagging system and i wish you’d chosen to use it a bit more effectively, i guess.

looking at your sixth fic in that series, it’s not tagged for domestic violence, sexual assault, anything like that, and it also has no tags for billy, a past steve/billy relationship, or even just a general ‘this fic is not billy friendly’ tag. looking at it i’d never think you’d have any of that sort of content in it, especially because you DID tag for /other/ potentially triggering content, but then in the end notes of the fifth fic you said that the sixth fic would deal very much so with that introduced plot line. it just sucks because i’d probably read it if i didn’t feel so much like i was clicking on a youtube jump scare video.

Long ask and long reply so I'm going to put my thoughts under a read more but TL:DR This is the kind of constructive criticism that is incredibly valid, and I appreciate your courage and energy that you put into writing all this. Also I'm going to get slightly personal here so if you don't want to read that just continue on

This is like, strangely, the fourth or fifth ask I've gotten about A New Perspective today, which has forced me to look at it again and admit to myself why I stepped away from it.

I use my fics to work through a lot of my own personal things. This fic series and the relationship that Billy and Steve have in it is based entirely on a real life relationship I had with an ex. They have an incredibly complicated sexual relationship that is inherently unhealthy for both of them. Not just Steve. Not just Billy. Steve does not think of himself as a victim, he sees himself as the problem. In reality it's both of them. I think Billy Hargrove is a really interesting character, I don't talk about him a lot here because he's really divisive in the fandom, and I don't need to get involved in Billy drama tbh.

For this fic he isn't the villain to Steve, even if he might seem like a monster, and I hope that gets across when I eventually come back to this series. I took a break from it for a lot of reasons, but part of it is needing to reevaluate what I'm getting out of writing it, and if it's healthy for me. I don't know if this is an exceptionally harsh depiction of Billy, it's not necessarily positive, but it does have a lot of different layers. Finding a nuanced way to portray that relationship (and a way to work through my own thoughts and feelings about mine) isn't easy, but I don't really think I write it in a two-dimensional way. I'm not sure if you were saying I did, but if you were, I'll just have to respectfully disagree and leave it at that.

As for tags, well this one I just have to own up and say I'm sorry. I didn't really know how to tag it, because I still didn't know what to consider for them. I don't really know how to consider my own relationship, which is what this is based on. So tagging it with things like sexual abuse or with things like SA...I don't know I just haven't worked through if it would even be considered that?

Regardless of my personal journey with my writing though, there's outside readers who have their own journeys. It's something that you explained in a really clear way, so I appreciate that you took the time to make me see where I was leaving a gap. I don't want people to think it was intentional? I don't think of my fics as a 'YouTube jumpscares' but more as a complicated web of a lot of things I work through in my own mind.

I put the note on my fifth fic to let people know that there would be a lot of complicated stuff going on, and so they could choose to opt out or not, but I understand that wasn't enough. If anyone got triggered or upset by what I wrote, then I do sincerely apologize for that. We talk a lot about curating your own online experience, but to do that you also have to be properly prepared for the experiences you go into. Where I didn't help contribute to that is on me.

As for people who might be worried about the series mentioning this a lot after this? It won't. I work through things in my own way, and I knew I wanted to make this part of Steve's journey, but it's not his entire journey. After this there's just a lot of fluffy parts like the first few one shots again. This was just something I needed for myself.

It's funny, I owe that series a lot, but I honestly just kind of hate it right now.

I don't really know if 'being blinded by hate' is really fair to say about the relationship I'm trying to portray, because I don't hate Billy and neither does Steve. There's love there, and a wish for something better that they'll never get to have, and I hope that you can stick with it to see how it all plays out. I like to think I'm writing for more than just bashing on a character. As for just dropping it in, well I've known what I want to do this entire time, but I can understand where people would come from thinking it was just dropped in.

I'm sorry if you're disappointed, but don't forget, writers are just humans too. We do things and we make mistakes, and this was just one of mine. I think I have everything properly tagged on the series now? If you feel differently though, you're welcome to DM me. I don't bite. I struggle with ao3 tagging in general, so I'm always grateful when anyone suggests tags I should be adding. Someone told me today I should add a genderfluid Steve tag to my latest fic, and I didn't even realize I forgot to.

Anyways. Long and probably too personal, but I figured I wanted to explain best I could. If you don't care about any of that, well, the tags got added.

[homoantagonism]

Ulysses and Titania

Probably the most important take-away from these books is that Tamsyn doesn’t give us information if it doesn’t matter, and she doesn’t name characters for no reason.

By now, we’re all aware that Ulysses is a translation of Odysseus. I’ve seen a LOT of great speculation for what this could mean for the plot and I love it, but I’m here to talk about Titania for a minute, who is probably the character we know the least about.

To start, it’s stated point blank in the books that she was named for the character in Shakespeare’s midsummer. I’m far from a literary expert and I’ve never read the play, but my understanding is that Titania’s character has a spell put on her that makes her fall in love with some ugly dude. Nothing from this feels TLT-relevant to me. BUT: Titania’s story is regarded to be an inverse retelling of Circe. As in Circe, from the Odyssey.

(Enjoy this painting of Circe offering the cup to Ulysses)

It’s been a decade+ since I halfway read the odyssey in high school, but to sum up what I know: Circe was the one who turned the whole gang into swine. Turning anyone who annoyed her into animals was her whole thing. But then some things happen and long story short, she has three of Odysseus’ children. Classic enemies to lovers? Anyway. This is how Titania and Ulysses’ names are related.

Now as far as what this means for their characters, it’s going to be a LOT of speculation. And I’m honestly still chewing on it. Because, again, we know next to nothing about them beyond John referring to them as kids and that Ulysses loved to party.

My biggest question is: if all the other necro+cav pairs from the resurrection gang had some sort of a strong bond that seems connected to their pre-res life, and that bond is INCREDIBLY important to the lyctor process (which I’m still convinced will come back to bite ianthe, but that’s another post for another day), and T— and U— more than likely had no bond before they died (if their original souls even ended up in the correct bodies), how does that complicate things?

If Titania is meant to be an inverse telling of Circe’s story, does that mean that she and Ulysses could have had a falling out? They WERE just kids, and loved to have fun. I have a gut feeling they had some sort of passionate teenage/early adult romance that crashed and burned, the way young people tend to do.

Again, and I cannot overstate this enough, this is HEAVY speculation for one of the series’ least known characters. It could be complete bullshit. But I really think there’s something there with the Titania= inverse Circe connection. I’d absolutely love to hear other opinions from people more familiar with mythology/the odyssey/U&T/whatever.

[lilareviewsbooks]

May Reading Wrap Up :)

Okay, listen… It's my first month of summer vacation and I have absolutely nothing to do, so don't judge me here, but this month I read 13 books. I know, I know… I promise I've been exercising and getting out and stuff, it just happened. Having a lot of free time means a lot of reading time for me, especially since I discovered the power of audiobooks. So let's take a look at what I read and what I thought of each book!

The Shadow of Kiyoshi, by F.C. Yee

4 stars

341 pages

Contains: sapphic girlies; elemental magic (duh!!) and a sympathetic bad guy :( 

I read this so early in the month, and when I was still at college, packing, so it feels like ages ago. I mostly listened to The Shadow of Kiyoshi, and, like I've mentioned before on here, listening to fiction has been a challenge. I'm not very used to it, yet, and I need to continue to acclimate to it. This book was the unfortunate victim of my poor ears – I work with audio, what am I talking about – and understanding what was going on was difficult for me. But I benefited from this being the second book in the Kiyoshi Novels series, which are companion novels to the show Avatar: The Last Airbender – and if you haven't watched that, and you're a fantasy fan, do so right now.

This one is complicated to talk about because of its relationship to the ATLA canon. However, I can say that the characters are incredibly compelling, just like they were in the first book of the series. The main romantic relationship, between Rangi and Avatar Kiyoshi, just draws you in, and their dynamic is the best! I loved it especially when Mr. Yee pulls some humor out of it. 

In general, I think this lives up to the series, and does it justice. It keeps the good humor and nature of the show, without losing its attention to darker themes. Here, I think it was best represented by our "bad guy" (and I can't tell you who they are!), who I felt so much sympathy for, and who had a complicated relationship with our lead.

Highly recommend this series, especially for fans of ATLA – though I'm pretty sure you could theoretically read this without watching the show!

The Dawn of Yangchen, by F.C. Yee

4 stars

336 pages

Contains: politics (but softcore, esp. if you're a fan of those cerebral thriller types of books); a mc plagued by her past lives; romantic tension

I also listened to this, but on the plane home lmao I'm terrified of planes, so I wasn't paying that much attention as I was trying not to throw up every time it wiggled a little bit! But I enjoyed The Dawn of Yangchen. It was a calming read lmao

This one is surprisingly political, which I wasn't expecting. This is also a part of the ATLA universe, and is following a different Avatar from Kiyoshi, and it's the first in a series. So, I was expecting this one to be more or less the same as The Rise of Kiyoshi and its successor. 

But I was surprised. Mr. Yee really focuses, here, on the politics of some specific towns, previously unknown in this universe, at least to my knowledge, which was such an interesting expansion. It also went into some other Avatars' lives, Yangchen's previous lives. That was super cool for me to read, because I'm literally so into ATLA, you guys have no idea. 

I saw some GoodReads reviews complain that this feels more like an introduction to a bigger plot than anything else, but I honestly didn't feel like that. I think it was a pretty satisfactory story, even though the resolution didn't hit as strong for me. But I agree that it sets up the second book quite pointedly. It only made me more excited to read this next one, though! Can't wait for Mr. Yee to put it out into the world!

Black Sun, by Rebecca Roanhorse

454 pages

3 stars

Contains: sea-related magic; a chosen one, but he's the villain? Or is he? What's going on?; discussions of religion

I've been waiting to pick up Black Sun for ages! This is the first book in the Between Earth and Sky series, which currently has two books released. We follow Serapio, a blinded devotee of an ancient crow god, who is trying to get to the holy city of Tova in time for the winter solstice – but why? On the ship carrying him is Xiala, a Teek with water magic who is curious about her mysterious passenger. In Tova itself, Naranpa serves as the Sun Priestess, a piece in the complex political-religious chess of the city. 

Unfortunately, Black Sun didn't do everything I wanted it to do for me. The characters lacked something, and I wasn't drawn to them as I thought they were missing a layer of realism. I found their actions – and, consequently, the plot – very predictable. The romance, in particular, suffered from this, as I thought it wasn't well-developed and I had a tough time rooting for the will-they-won't-they to actually happen. 

But the world-building blew me away! This is inspired by Pre-Invasion American cultures, and the real historical details blend seamlessly with the magic, creating a world that feels alive. The city of Tova itself is made up of multiple centers on mountains that can only be reached by bridges that travers the chasm between them. That is such a cool idea, and reminds me of the ancient cultures in my neighboring Andes! I've always wondered what it would be like to live so, so high up. 

Black Sun also has one of the most fantastic first chapters I've read in fantasy. It drew me in immediately. I highly recommend just reading it by itself, even if you don't feel like reading the whole book. What a stunning beginning! The ending is also a banger – it just lost me in the middle.

I don't know yet if I'll continue with this series, but we'll see, come next month!

Into The Riverlands, by Nghi Vo

100 pages

5 stars

Contains: a non-binary cleric; a talking bird; an old woman who bosses everyone around

For this one, I wrote a standalone review! Suffice it to say, as with any of the books in this series by Ms. Vo, I loved it! The Singing Hills Cycle follows cleric Chih as they travel around their China-inspired kingdom, recording its history and stories with the help of their talking bird, who has an eidetic memory, Almost Brilliant. 

The audiobook for this one is 2 hours long and it felt like watching a movie. Honestly, I'm so happy I've turned to audiobooks more, this month. This one in particular filled me with such joy – it's so nice to see a story come to life, like that, especially when it's an installment in a series all about the power of stories themselves!

I highly, highly recommend this series! Check out my short SFF books list if you'd like more info on it, or the standalone review I mentioned previously!

The Traitor Baru Cormorant & The Monster Baru Cormorant, by Seth Dickinson

399 and 464 pages

Both 5 stars

Contains: crazy gay people; politics like you wouldn't believe; lyrical writing

And now, for the most defining books of my month, I give you, The Masquerade Series, by Mr. Dickinson, starting with The Traitor Baru Cormorant and moving on to The Monster Baru Cormorant. At the time of writing, I'm currently reading the third and last book in the series, The Tyrant Baru Cormorant, at least until Mr. Dickinson graces us with the next installment. 

This series follows – you guessed it – Baru Cormorant, a young girl from the island nation of Taranoke, who watches her country be colonized by the hugely powerful Masquerade Empire. After one of her fathers is killed for being queer, Baru decides to join a Masquerade school and destroy the Empire from the inside out. Soon, she is being sent to unruleable Aurdwynn, where she is to be the Imperial Accountant. And things get very, very complicated from there.

The Masquerade is not the easiest series to consume. Between the political intrigue, the complexities and interests of each character and the purple prose, it can sometimes be hard to follow. But, oh my God, if it isn't worth it! The pay-off is unbelievable, especially in the first book. I predicted what was going to happen, because it was well set-up, but it didn't matter – it crushed me into a million pieces anyway.

This is absolutely perfect for fans of The Locked Tomb and The Texicalaan Series. It's gay, it's confusing and it's political as fuck, diving deep into themes of colonization and empire. And it starts getting pretty crazy after the second book! I highly, highly recommend!

The Tea Master And The Detective, by Aliette de Bodard

93 pages

4 stars

Contains: a Sherlock Holmes retelling; sentient spaceships; tea!

Another one I listened to! This was actually my first Aliette de Bodard that I didn't DNF, which is quite a feat for someone who's into SFF novellas, as Ms. Bodard has quite a few under her belt. I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed this! The Tea Master and The Detective is part of the Universe of Xuya, a collection of works that imagines a future of sentient spaceships ("mindships") and a timeline in which Asia became dominant. The result is a brilliant silkpunk future full of interesting tidbits to unpack!

Here, we take a look at an investigation, as we follow consulting detective Long Chau on a case. She soon recruits the mindship The Shadow's Child into her world, and their story goes from there. It's a charming story, with interesting characters and solid dialogue. Not to mention, of course, the main event: the worldbuilding, which sucks you in and leaves you wanting more!

The Citadel of Weeping Pearls, by Aliette de Bodard

164 pages

4 stars

Contains: family drama; court intrigue; complicated mother-daughter relationships

So, naturally, I went after more in the Universe of Xuya, and ended up reading The Citadel of Weeping Pearls. This one revolves around the mysterious – let's say it together – Citadel of Weeping Pearls, a habitat of multiple ships founded in rebellion by a rogue princess, but that vanished, thirty years ago, with all on board. This novella follows several people who are connected to the Citadel in various ways as their lives collide on the search for it.

I actually liked this one better than I did The Tea Master and the Detective. The characters are very compelling, as this focuses very much on the relationships between these people, especially their connections to this rebellious princess. The premise is awesome, as well, and it reaches a satisfying conclusion by the end, which is impressive for a novella, I think. So many of them end up half-baked. I highly recommend this one, and the audiobook is quite nice, as it has different narrators for each POV!

The Salt Grows Heavy, by Cassandra Khaw

106 pages

5 stars

Contains: vibes. Just the creepiest vibes.; science-horror? Body-horror?; a mermaid!!

This is another novella! I've written about it before, in my gay mermaids post, but it doesn't hurt to reinforce my points. 

I don't even know how to explain this one – it has a plot, and it's great, but the important part of this novella is definitely its pure, creepy-as-fuck vibes. It’s a twist on The Little Mermaid that follows a siren and a plague doctor, the only survivors of a destroyed kingdom, as they go on the run, and the creepy things they find along the way.

The prose, here, is very much purple, but, honestly, it creates this incredible atmosphere that draws you in and does not let you go. I was originally going to only read a couple of pages to see what this was about, but I was absolutely blown away by The Salt Grows Heavy and couldn't put it down! If you're a fan of vibes-only books (such as Erin Morgestein's Starless Sea and The Night Circus), this is definitely for you!

Clementine, by Tillie Walden

259 pages

3 stars

Contains: an apocalyptic setting; disability rep!!; a real nice Amish guy with a horse

My next read was Clementine, Volume 1 by Tillie Walden, a graphic-novelist whom I adore! You probably know her from her (rightfully so) popular book On A Sunbeam. This one takes place in the world of The Walking Dead (but I read it very well without knowing anything about this universe), and follows young Clementine and the people she meets on the road. 

Ms. Walden manages to build very nice characters here. They're all very compelling and I appreciated spending time with them. But their arcs and the plot itself felt rushed. I feel like the graphic novel could've used a couple more pages to really flesh those things out. In direct contrast, I thought the world building was well-done and Ms. Walden managed to communicate a lot about this universe in just a couple of panels. In conclusion, this isn't the best Tillie Walden – that would be The End of Summer – but I'd recommend it, especially if you're needing some post-apocalyptic flavor in your life after finishing The Last of Us.

Senlin Ascends, by Josiah Bancroft

3 stars

448 pages 

Contains: a shy nerd; a tower full of crazy things; steampunk! Let’s go steampunk!

I feel like I've talked everyone's ear off about this one – I was too disappointed not to. Senlin Ascends follows the introverted Thomas Senlin as he takes his new wife Marya to see the Tower of Babel, a big-ass tower that he considers to be humanity's big feat. Not long after arriving though, Thomas and Marya lose each other in the crowd, and the book follows Thomas' attempts to reunite himself with her.

What disappointed me very much about this was the decisions Mr. Bancroft made on the subject of the romance – Marya was Thomas' student when she was a child, and their first kiss and beginning of their "courtship" took place when Thomas dropped her off at college. I thought that was wildly unnecessary and inappropriate, and wrote about it (at length) here. 

Apart from that, Senlin Ascends is a fun read, with memorable, quirky characters and interesting world building. But it's hard to ignore a romance like that, especially considering that it's what the entire story hinges on. 

Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism, by Amanda Montell

309 pages

5 stars

And, for the first time in ages, I read something not-SFF! That's right – I listened to this non-fiction read on the bus and at home while I made origami (I'm obsessed with making origami) and ended up finishing it quite fast! Here, Ms. Montell explores different facets of human life that can be "cultish", with a particular focus on language. 

I thought this read was super interesting, especially because I love learning about languages! The section on glossolalia (speaking in tongues, more popularly) was particularly interesting! I did find it a bit repetitive at its points, sometimes, and I wish it could have trusted the reader to remember the main argument, instead of reiterating it. 

The Mimicking of Known Successes, by Malka Older

169 pages

5 stars

Contains: a second-chance sapphic romance; a mystery; humans living on Jupiter

Another sci-fi mystery, but this one was a bit cozier – and a new release, it just came out in March! I had a lot of fun with The Mimicking of Known Successes. It follows Pleiti, a scholar at Valdegeld University, and Mossa, her detective ex-girlfriend who needs help with a case she's on. Pleiti and Mossa are sucked into this mystery and work together to solve it, but this story's main take-away definitely relates to the relationship between the two, as it begins to evolve during their time together.

I listened to the audiobook for this and had such a delightful time. The language is very vivid and definitely brings the environment to life, which only made it cozier, for me. It can be quite funny at times, and I found myself laughing aloud to the quips. I also very much enjoyed the main relationship. It definitely reminded me of my days in the trenches in the BBC Sherlock fandom, as the characters have a similar dynamic, so I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this for fans of the show.  The mystery itself wasn't a stunner or my main focus at all, but it surprised me in the end, when it ended up leading to some pretty cool reflections about humanity's relationship to Earth.

That's all I read in the month of May! I'm excited for next month and also to keep posting on here whenever inspiration strikes and I have something to recommend :) Please don't hesistate to drop me an ask if you'd like a recommendation, in case you've noticed our tastes align!

[transhawks]

*posts that are going to get you a box of my favorite orange flavored chocolates mailed to your doorstep (anyways, yeahh!! Lmao, it was so wild to me to read a post that lists everything Hawks did and I’m going like yeah!!! And then it ends off with something like “and that’s why I hate him and he’s evil incarnate” we are two different people lmaoo, I feel like you’re the only appreciated of unhinged Hawks on this site. He can be a sad little chirp chirp while still being crazy. So r other ppl

That sounds delicious actually. In all seriousness I had to disengage with actual Hawks "haters" in late 2020. I was very critical of him, argued with Hawks apologists (specifically in the whole Twice aspect) left and right, was getting frustrated at people just ignoring the clear references to the current political situation in the work, but seeing the actual Hawks hate hurt the nonetheless. I'm really lucky that a bunch of us in the Jinkei server and dbhwks spaces were really down to clown him and roast him, but there was still an element of at least finding him an interesting character if not liking him. A lot the hardcore Hawks haters not only didn't find him distasteful (which isn't wrong imho) but also felt that anyone who felt he was interesting was approving of his actions.

I had to justify why I liked him as a character to so-called friends, even a beloved best friend. Why I found him interesting - as if that invalidated my well-worn anarchist/leftist ideals and years of them and all the political activism and organizing I got involved in my late teens/early twenties. It was like... a very cruel time. I have a whole personality disorder that makes me think in polarities and extremes, and that space and group on here was not helping.

And then his development seemed to stagnate (or more I just didn't really understand what Horikoshi was doing with him) and I don't know, I clung on to what I originally liked. It really took reevaluating the entire manga and starting to find all of him funny to really, truly love him again.

He's a fascinatingly complicated character, incredibly well-crafted by Horikoshi, and I'd say among his top-tier written characters, like Tomura or Dabi. Now, that's on his *complexity*, nothing else. Not that I go looking for such opinions, but I'm going to clarify that and save some Hawks haters time gossiping about me saying "Hawks is a good as Dabi or Tomura according to local Hawks-obsessive transhawks", nah, we're talking about complexity and his narrative. Those things are very different than the character being ethical, not that any of them are.

And! And! It's okay to like the confusing, unhinged characters who bring chaos! 2020 me could never understand loving All For One, but he's so fascinatingly hypocritical and hilarious that he's quickly becoming a favorite.

I just regret we spent so much time as a fandom ascribing moral values to liking certain characters rather than just fucking enjoying them as they are. That wasn't healthy. That wasn't right of us, or me, specifically. I'm still someone who believes that the fiction/reality argument is bunk and not understanding that there isn't an actual separate space or how much any sort of art medium affects and shapes our values is a big problem, but I think when we started saying that anyone finding a character interesting was condoning their actions was when the plot was lost.