#but i will push past those things so i can see that scene for myself

[twirlyleafs]

“Reckless.”

Charles Leclerc x driver! Reader

TW: mention of death, fighting

~~~~

“What the hell was that?”

Charles’ angry voice cut through the hum of your garage like a whip, startling you enough to make you spin around to face him. You hadn’t expected him to be here this fast, you’d barely gotten out of the car, but then again maybe you should have. You knew he’d be angry considering the intense qualifying session where you’d wrung every last bit out of your car—and yourself. In those final two laps, you’d driven with reckless precision, pressing Alonso so hard in the corners that he’d had to back off to not risk contact. It wasn’t exactly clean racing, but it had earned you a spot on the second row. Fourth on the grid, your best start all season. The best you would probably be able to get out of your car. But as satisfying as it was, you knew that Charles would have something to say about it.

“Keep your voice down, Charles.” You muttered while unzipping the top half of your suit, hoping you could brush this off before it turned into a scene. Charles wasn’t having it. Out of the corner of your eye you could see him, jaw clenched, his hands slicing through the air as he spoke, disbelief radiating off him.

“Keep my voice—are you serious? What’s your problem? That overtake was reckless. Fernando was barely an inch away from accidentally sending you flying into the wall!”

“Calm down.” You shot him a look as you brushed past him, hoping he’d drop it if you just kept walking. But Charles scoffed, immediately following you, his tone hard and unforgiving.

“Don’t tell me to calm down! I was right behind you! I saw the way you went in—God, you’re just lucky it was Alonso and not one of the rookies. That could’ve been a disaster.” Charles was relentless, his words chasing you all the way to your driver’s room. Your fists were clenched, nails digging into your palms as you worked to keep your own frustration under control. You knew his worry came from a place of love, but right now, it felt like he was questioning you as a driver, as if he didn’t trust you to know what you were doing. And that stung more than you cared to admit. Once the door shut behind you both, his words softened, though they still held an edge. “What were you thinking out there?”

You let out a heavy breath, finally turning to meet his gaze. “I was thinking about getting a decent starting position. I wanted-“

“You don’t risk everything for a good position!” he interrupted, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Have you talked to Fernando? He’s probably fuming! If that had been me in his shoes, I would’ve lost it—”

“Good thing it wasn’t you, then.” You snapped, turning your back on him as you began unzipping the rest of your suit. It felt safer to face the wall, where he couldn’t see the raw mix of emotions that tightened your throat and threatened to spill over. “You don’t get it, Charles. You have a team, a car, a contract. You have a future. A name. I’m fighting for scraps, like every shot is the last one I’ll get.”

He fell silent and for a moment you thought he might back down, let you have this small victory. But his voice cut through the quiet, low and sharp. “Maybe I don’t get it. But I do get that you’re pushing yourself too far. And one day it won’t just be a scare. You’ll get hurt.”

“Yeah, well, I can handle myself.” You retorted as you turned to face him, your gaze defiant. “I knew what I was doing with Alonso. I wouldn’t have tried it with one of the rookies, I knew they couldn’t handle that.”

“Can you?” His eyes held a look you rarely saw, a mixture of frustration, fear, and maybe even doubt. “Can you handle it, Y/N? Because from where I’m standing, that looked less like confidence and more like…like desperation.” His words hit you like a slap, hurting more than you wanted to admit. Was it desperation? Maybe there was some truth in that, but you weren’t about to let him see you flinch. Not when he didn’t understand what it was like to constantly have to prove yourself, to feel every race could be your last if you didn’t show results.

“Are you calling me a bad driver Charles?” You asked, the challenge clear in your tone. He ran a hand over his face, sighing in exasperation.

“I’m calling you reckless. Stupid, even. You could be amazing, I know you’re amazing, but you keep pulling moves like this and I’m just scared it’s going to end in disaster.”

You swallowed, ignoring the sting of his words. “I can’t afford to play it safe, Charles. You wouldn’t get it, you don’t have to get it. You’re in a car that could win a championship. I’m just trying to prove I belong here.” For a moment, he looked as if he was about to argue, his eyes narrowing with the usual stubbornness you knew too well. But instead, he just shook his head, stepping back, disappointment flickering in his gaze. He lingered for a moment, his gaze softened, as if he wanted to reach out but held himself back. Then he turned, leaving the room as quickly as he’d entered, his words hanging in the air, heavy and unshakable. You stood alone, the silence pressing down on you, and no matter how much you wanted to brush it off his words kept echoing in your mind.

The hours dragged on, the buzz of qualifying still lingering as you were pulled from one interview to the next. You smiled for the cameras, deflected the sharpest questions, and managed to shrug off any mention of that heated moment with Alonso. But under the surface, your mind churned with the memory of your earlier fight with Charles. His words still echoed in your head, gnawing at you in a way you couldn’t shake. Reckless. Desperate. You’d been called a lot of things, but hearing it from him hurt like hell. It was late when you finally reached the hotel, the quiet of the lobby a stark contrast to the noisy paddock. The tension in your shoulders was nearly unbearable as you made your way up to your room, the thought of sleep the only thing keeping you moving forward. When you unlocked the door and stepped inside Charles was there, sitting on the edge of the bed, his gaze flicking up from his phone when you entered. He looked worn, the earlier fire in his eyes now replaced with something gentler, but equally intense. You felt your heart skip, torn between relief and irritation as the weight of your argument settled heavily in the air between you.

“Hey,” he said quietly, watching you as you set down your things.

“Hey.” You shrugged off your jacket, avoiding his gaze, the room feeling too small, too charged. Silence hung thickly for a moment before he spoke again.

“I’m sorry,” he began, a slight hesitance in his voice. “For showing up like that. I shouldn’t have come into your garage and… yelled at you. That was out of line.”

You nodded, acknowledging his apology but not yet ready to let go of the frustration simmering beneath your skin. Slowly making your way across the room you stopped by the dresser to remove your jewelry, plopping your watch and bracelet down on the cold surface before turning around to look at him again. “You still think I’m reckless? Stupid?” Your voice was calm, even as your heart pounded in your chest. Charles looked down, rubbing his hands together as he seemed to weigh his words.

“Yes. I do. I think you’re incredible out there, but sometimes…” He paused, looking up at you, his eyes soft yet resolute. “Sometimes it scares me. Seeing you push so hard, knowing one wrong move could just, you know, just end everything.”

You sighed, crossing your arms as you leaned back against the dresser. “Charles, I’m fighting for my career. Every weekend, every race—it’s not just about points or a title chance. It’s about proving that I belong here, that I’m not just some driver filling space at the back of the grid.” You hesitated, struggling to put into words what you’d felt for so long. “I don’t have the luxury of playing it safe.”

“And you think I don’t get that?” His voice rose, a hint of frustration slipping back in. “I know what it’s like to fight, to have to prove myself. You think Ferrari didn’t make me feel like I had to earn my place every damn time I got in that car?”

You scoffed, feeling a flicker of bitterness as you met his gaze. “It’s different, Charles. You still always had the team behind you. A car that can get you to the podium on strategy alone. I don’t have that. I have to be better. I have to take risks.”

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t fight.” His voice was softer now. “But not at the cost of your safety. There’s a difference between fighting and driving like there’s nothing left to lose.”

You felt a flash of anger, his words hitting a raw nerve. “Maybe I don’t see a difference because I don’t have anything to lose, Charles. I’m already at the back. Already being picked apart by the media trying to prove women don’t belong here. That I don’t belong here. A good result like this might be the only thing keeping me on the grid next season.” Your voice wavered as you continued, the weight of your own words settling heavy on your chest. “Maybe I can’t afford to think about what I have to lose.” At that Charles expression softened, his eyes searching your face.

“And what about me? What if I lose you? Maybe you don’t see it that way, but to me you are the most important thing in this equation.” His words struck you like a blow and for the first time you felt the edges of your anger soften, giving way to something deeper and more vulnerable. You let out a breath, your gaze dropping to the floor as the truth of it all began to settle between you. You swallowed, feeling the prick of tears in your eyes but refusing to let them fall.

“You have to let me fight. Even if it scares you. Because I can’t be the driver I need to be if I’m holding back just to make everyone else feel safe.” Even with your eyes trained on the floor you noted Charles getting up, moving across the room towards you. The ache in your chest reached its peak when his hands carefully found your arms, slowly stroking down them until he could grip your hands in his. He sighed, his thumb rubbing gently over your knuckles.

“I don’t want you to hold back. I’d never ask that of you, I just-“ he paused and you slowly lifted your gaze to meet his. “I just want you to be careful. To remember that you can get to where you wanna be without dying on the way. Baby I want you to have everything, I think you deserve everything and I’m here for you, as long as you don’t disappear on me.” The last of your frustration melted away as you let out a shaky breath, leaning into his embrace. The second Charles noticed you moving closer he dropped your hands, wrapping his arms around you instead. Tucking your head against the crook of his neck you let out a deep sigh, nodding slowly.

“I get it. I get what you’re saying. It’s just hard to think like that when I’m out there, seeing my chances slip away.”

“I know.”

“But I’ll try.” You whispered, the words more of a promise to yourself than to him. “I’ll try to be careful. But I need you to understand that sometimes, this is just how it has to be. It’s the only way I know.” You felt Charles nod, his lips pressing soft, reassuring kisses against the top of your head. You shuffled closer, letting your arms wrap around his torso as his tightened around your frame, grounding you in the warmth and steadiness of his embrace. “You won’t lose me.” You murmured against his shoulder, the words both a promise and a hope. Charles held you close, his lips pressing gently to your temple as you both stood in the quiet of the room, letting the tension and hurt melt away. And for a while, neither of you said anything more, content just to hold each other, finding a fragile peace in the shared silence. Tomorrow, you’d be back on the track, fighting just as hard. But tonight, you were simply here, together.

[brummiereader]

@mischievouslittlecreature

Sorry I'm late getting to this. I've had a busy past few days 😩.

Lucy, you're killing me with these comparisons you keep making between yourself and Lizzie. It's so hard to read when she slips into this mindset, because I think as the reader, you see all the qualities about her Tommy loves. As much as Tommy loves a beautiful woman like we have seen in canon (Lucy is gorgeous too!), i feel like he's really attracted to the things that make someone them. That and wit and intelligence. No offence to Lizzie, but even in the series, their conversations don't go very far. He needs somebody to match him on that level, and thats Lucy ❤️.

She remained at his side as they enacted the first part of the plan, schooling her features into an expression of distraught mourning while Tommy climbed into the ring and fired his revolver into the air. I love this scene! Not only does Lucy like to put on a dramatic show, but so does Tommy 🤭.

“You deserved every second of it.” ooh that evil witch 😬. I'd like to think those exact words played out in her head in the final scene to this chapter 😌.

With wrathful, echoing footsteps, Lizzie came storming in, throwing her coat aside as she stalked towards Tommy’s desk. God, will we ever get a break from Lizzie barging through Tommy's office 🙄. She's starting to get on my last nerve with her continued entitlement. I feel so sorry for Lucy everytime she turns up. She just puts a huge damper on every single scene, and it doesn't surprise me how Lucy continues to feel worthless when she's around. Lizzie constantly demands all the rooms attention every time she shows up. It's so bratty and immature. I say all this but, the small interaction between them at the end was a welcome relief. But I just know she'll F it all up again in later scene *slams head repeatedly against table 🤦🏼‍♀️😩.

“Which is why we can go together" yes to this! If they're gonna do this, they need to do it together. Every single interaction. Because if they don't, Lucy will start to doubt Tommy's love for her, something I feel he's caught on to now and hence, why he suggested this ❤️.

“Good to see you again, Lucy,” Luca beamed at her, white teeth barring like an animal poised to start ripping out throats. “How’s your back?” *pushes Arthur out the way so I can shoot him myself 😡. Urghh, he made my skin crawl during this scene. His remarks, his snake like mannerisms 😬. But what make me smile was this line, because I knew exactly what it meant 🤭...What’s the bag for?” She didn’t answer, just staring at him silently, teeth clenching tight against each other.

only to have the back of her coat seized, yanking her back like a kitten seized by the scruff of the neck by its mother.-"Don’t you dare,” Polly said in a voice that was almost motherly. Couldn't not mention this line before moving on to the next scene 😂. I love Lucy, she really is like an over eager kitten trying to get involved!

Ahhh yes ☺️. The sigh of relief I sighed when Audrey finally met her end. Once again you set the scene perfectly with her mulling about in her kitchen as Lucy waited in the dark 😈. It gave me shivers how Lucy toyed with her until the very end.

“Speaking of Luca, I have something of his for you. Would you like to see?” She reached for the bag, and before Audrey could protest or question what she meant, Winters stood, picking up the bag and yanking it open, turning it upside down to allow its contents to drop onto the kitchen table. Luca got the Lucy special 👌🏼. How creepy is it that he's seen the heads of his men one by one thrown at his feet. Did he never stop to think that his head would be served up like all the men before him?? This man has zero hindsight 🤦🏼‍♀️.

Not an inch of iron to be seen. 😳, seems Audrey got the same as Luca! This line was short but so gory, I loved it!

Incredible chapter once again Lily! I can't believe how close we are the end of this Act 😭. So excited for the next installment to this amazing series ❤️.

Part 21: The Shadow of the Abattoir

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x OC

Summary: An incident at Bonnie's boxing match provides the family with an opportunity to end the war.

Word Count: 6,837

Notes: Warnings for depictions of insecurity, violence, blood, and references to past sexual assault and pregnancy.

Previous Chapter • Series • Fic • Next Chapter

Chapter 27: Endless Shadows

“You look dead,” Alfie said to her in greeting as he entered the locker room, moving to sit on the bench across from them. 

“Oh good,” Lucy didn’t open her eyes from where she was still leaning with her head resting against Tommy’s shoulder. “Then I look how I feel.”

Tommy’s thumb rubbed up and down her shoulder soothingly.  

She cracked her eyes open a sliver while Alfie and Tommy talked, watching Alfie curiously. There was something odd in his eyes, and his words were almost…melancholic.

“Glad you’re back, kiddo,” he gave her a small pat on the upper arm as he stood and said his farewells. But that look did not cease, creasing at the edges of his eyes and the corners of his lips. 

“Thanks, Alfie,” she said, brow furrowing at the near apologetic way in which he said it. 

They watched him walk away, heads cocked and frowning. 

“Convenient of him to be moving to Margate now, of all times,” Tommy remarked once Alfie was gone. Lucy nodded. 

“You think that Luca scared him?”

Tommy’s lips pursed. “Alfie doesn’t strike me as the type to get scared off that easily.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” she frowned, still eyeing the archway through which Alfie had disappeared. A roar of cheers emitted from the ring. “We better get going. Fight’s about to start.”

He put out his cigarette, standing and helping her to her feet. Linking her arms back through his, Lucy gave him a soft squeeze. 

“Alright?”

She nodded. “Just don’t let me get jostled around too much.”

He smoothed a hand over her hair, kissed her forehead, and led the way back towards the ring. 

It already smelled strongly of sweat, booze, and smoke, the men hollering and jeering, lurching and moving like a great wave of bodies as they watched Bonnie and Goliath circle each other. Tommy led the way to their seats next to Arthur, keeping a protective arm around her to shield her from the bulk of the crowd. After they took their seats, Arthur soon started fretting to Tommy about the men that had come with Goliath. Lucy followed his gaze to where they stood in their corner across the ring. The men didn’t look all that engaged with Goliath, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. Maybe Goliath preferred for his men to be more hands off. 

But Arthur continued to insist that something was wrong, despite Tommy’s attempts to soothe him. 

Her eyes darted to where Polly, Linda, and Lizzie all were seated across the ring from them, giggling and shouting encouragement to Bonnie while passing around a bottle of Tommy’s gin. As expected they were all dressed up lavishly for the occasion, in glittering, form fitting dresses, furs draped over their shoulders, and jewels dangling from their ears and throats. 

Lucy felt a sharp wave of self consciousness wash over her, quickly wrapping her arms around her middle, shoulders drawing in as if that would somehow achieve her new goal of becoming invisible. 

She watched Lizzie, so tall and elegant and beautiful as she laughed and chatted with Polly, and wished that the ground would swallow her whole. They could not have looked more different if they’d tried. Where Lizzie was tall and slender, Lucy was short and curvy. Lizzie could wear just about any of the dresses currently in fashion and look marvelous, but if Lucy tried to wear anything without some sort of defined waist, she’d wind up looking as though she was dressed in a potato sack. Some days she could hardly get her curls to cooperate, but Lizzie’s hair was almost always beautifully styled and tamed. Her eyes were actually in proportion with the rest of her face, rather than oversized almost to the point of absurdity like Lucy’s were. Where Lucy’s face was covered in freckles, Lizzie’s porcelain white skin was clear of any marks or blemishes, nor was her body marked with any cuts that would soon heal over into truly hideous scars that would never really fade away. 

God, Lucy couldn’t help but think, she had to look absolutely horrid compared to her. 

She glanced at Tommy out of the corner of her eye, taking in the sharp lines of his jaw and cheekbones. She was not even close to pretty enough to be with him. Lizzie would have looked right at his side. A perfect match–at least outwardly. Lucy could not help but assume that she and Tommy must look terribly mismatched together. 

He really probably ought to have his head examined. Even on her best days, no one in their right mind would choose her over Lizzie. 

Clearing her throat, she wiped at her face with her sleeve, hoping that anyone who noticed would assume that she was dabbing away sweat and not the tears building up against her lashes. 

Movement to her left snatched away her attention. Arthur had stood, disappearing into the crowd and ignoring Tommy’s shouts for him to come back. Instead he continued towards the hallway leading to the back, following right on the heels of one of Goliath’s men who had wandered off from the rest of the pack still gathered by the ring. 

“Fuck’s sake.” Tommy grumbled as he watched Arthur go. Lucy settled a hand on his shoulder. Around them, the crowd’s shouts rose to a fever pitch as the fight intensified. 

Minutes ticked by, and Arthur did not come back. 

Stretching up in her seat, Lucy craned her head around, trying to see if he was in the crowd somewhere and they’d just missed him. 

“Tommy,” she grabbed at his bicep in warning as another one of Goliath’s minders left his post, heading in the same direction that Arthur had gone. Seizing her hand, Tommy shot out of his seat, pulling her along with him to follow. His jaw was straining, eyes wide, and she wondered if he was thinking about how she’d stepped out just to run a few errands, and was almost snatched away from him forever. How the same exact thing might be happening with Arthur. 

They had just rounded a corner in the maze of backrooms when the unmistakable sound of a gunshot going off echoed somewhere within the halls and rooms up ahead. Tommy skidded to a stop, hand flying into his coat for his gun. Lucy mimicked his movements, flinching at the way that reaching into her coat pulled on her shoulder. 

“Stay behind me,” Tommy ordered. She opened her mouth to protest, then promptly closed it. It would be laughable to try to argue that she could actually be of much use right now in anything but a distanced firefight. And he didn’t have time to waste worrying about her getting hurt again. Following him closely at a rather painful jog, they rushed down a hallway bathed in baby blue light, turning into another room in which one of Goliath’s minders was standing over a crumpled Arthur, gun aimed at his head. 

Tommy’s shot struck him directly in the chest, and he went slouching to the floor.   

Tommy went racing to his brother, shouting his name and pulling him up into his arms. Lucy double checked to ensure that the man he’d shot was actually dead, then checked the corners of the room for any other enemies that may have been skulking about. There was no one. 

Rounding back to Tommy, she went to kneel at Arthur’s side. For a second, she thought that he was dead, his eyes were staring at nothing and there was blood on his hands and throat. Tommy curled over him, a hand cupping the side of his older brother’s face, thin rivers of his blood lacing across his hand. 

There was roaring from the crowd still gathered around the ring in the distance, the sound reaching such a volume that Lucy thought they very well might bring the roof down. The fight must be over. 

Arthur twitched and gasped in Tommy’s arms. Tommy let out a relieved wheeze, hugging him tightly, and Lucy breathed out gratefully, resting a hand on the back of Arthur’s head while his face tucked into Tommy’s shoulder.

“Are you alright?” Tommy drew back, grabbing him by either side of the face. Arthur nodded, still breathing harshly.

“Just nicked.”

Tommy nodded, and while she drew out a handkerchief for Arthur to dab at his neck, Lucy spotted something shift in Tommy’s eyes, immediately recognizing the telltale expression of an idea taking form as the circuits in his head began to whirl at warp speed. 

“Tommy?”

His eyes snapped to her. “I’ve got it figured out.”

“What?”

He grabbed at both of them. “I’ve got it figured out,” he repeated.

“Got what figured out, Tommy?”

His eyes glittered. “How to win.”

∗ ∗ ∗

She remained at his side as they enacted the first part of the plan, schooling her features into an expression of distraught mourning while Tommy climbed into the ring and fired his revolver into the air, creating plenty of noise and commotion, drawing all eyes to him so that Arthur could easily sneak away whilst Tommy announced the news of his ‘death’ to the world. 

It had been chaos after that; hours spent as their men searched and questioned everyone in attendance before allowing them to leave. And the family had swarmed Tommy with questions and reactions of shock and horror. The only other ones outside of Lucy and Tommy that knew that Arthur was still alive were Polly and Linda. It was the only way to be sure that everyone reacted believably during what was coming next. 

The boxing ring was empty and quiet, now. Everyone had finally been dismissed. The family had all gone back home to steep in their shock and grief and prepare for the funeral.

“I’m sorry.” Lucy said, playing with her fingers, keeping her voice quiet.

Tommy raised an eyebrow, fishing a cigarette from his case and swiping it across his lips. “Why?”

“I feel like I’m really fucking useless right now.”

His features creased, moving to stand directly in front of her. “Hey, no; none of that now. You’re hurt. It’s not your fault. Besides, you’ve already taken out plenty of Luca’s men throughout this vendetta.” He brushed his thumb across her bottom lip. “You’ve more than done your part.”

She sighed, leaning her forehead into his chest. The day had been long, and she was exhausted. Her injuries, particularly her back and shoulders, were starting to hurt badly. 

“Let’s go home.” Tommy suggested, reaching for her hand. Lucy took it eagerly, letting him lead her from the building and out onto the streets. Tomorrow would be busy. They needed to get back to the house to start preparing for it.

“It was some of Alfie’s boys that attacked us,” Tommy mumbled, head bowed, the hand that wasn’t holding hers slipping into his pocket.

“I can’t believe that he betrayed us for Luca of all people.”

Tommy shrugged. “It’s what Alfie does.” But the hurt in his voice was obvious. “Maybe Luca threatened him.”

“When has Alfie ever backed down because of threats?”

A sigh of agreement left his lips. Lucy shifted uncomfortably, her own hurt at Alfie’s actions squeezing within her throat. 

“Do you think he knew that they took me?” Her voice was quiet, not bothering to try to hide the pain that the thought brought her. She’d known Alfie since they were teenagers. He’d gotten her medical attention that she likely would have died without it after Matthew and his friends assaulted her. And despite her working for and being wholly loyal to Tommy, they’d always maintained a friendly, warm relationship. That he would allow for her to be tortured…

She bit her lip, looking down at her shoes. Tommy squeezed her hand. 

“I don’t know, love. When I called him while you were missing to ask him to have some of his men search for you in London, he seemed genuinely worried. I don’t think…” he trailed off with another sigh. “I don’t think that he knew. But it’s hard to say for sure.”

“Yeah,” she offered him a wobbly half smile. “I’m assuming we’re gonna have to pay him a visit to Margate after things are cleaned up here.”

Tommy’s jaw twitched, eyes growing even more sorrowful than they’d been a moment ago. They both knew how any visit to Alfie was now likely to end. “Yes, I suppose so.”

“I guess we can ask him then.”

They continued to walk together in silence. There was something else that she wanted to discuss with him, but she was unsure how he would take it. She’d never made a suggestion quite like the one she was about to make. Mounting her courage, she forced her lips to part and her tongue to move.

“I think that you should send Michael away.”

Tommy did not react, head still dipped, staring at his shoes and the cobblestones while they walked. She’d just opened her mouth to say more when he finally spoke. 

“Yes, I think you’re right.”

“I don’t trust him anymore.”  

“Me neither.”

She sighed, both in relief at Tommy’s agreement to her suggestion and with disappointment towards the boy that had once shown so much promise. “Well…fuck.”

He hummed in agreement. “Not our best year.”

“No. No, it really hasn’t been.”

His fingers flexed against hers in a tender squeeze, head turning to kiss her forehead. She could see the house on the end of the block, her tired bones giving a quiet cry of relief at the thought of soon being able to rest. 

∗ ∗ ∗

The next few days were spent laying meticulous plans and taking careful actions. Michael was sent away to New York, and Lucy and Tommy spent a significant amount of time on the phone, locked in calculated negotiations. Arthur’s funeral was a quiet affair, a good amount of tears shed and sorrow exchanged between the family as the wagon went up in flames. 

The meeting that took place after with Audrey Changretta saw Lucy leaning against a wall. Luca had taken her rings, so her hands had begun to instead unconsciously pick at the skin of her fingers whenever she was nervous, leaving bloody scabs to add to her ever growing collection. She did not say a word during the whole exchange, keeping her eyes focused straight ahead, not even looking at Audrey for fear that if she did, she’d kill her. 

This woman. This cunt who John had spared. And how did she repay them? By setting her sadistic fucking son on all of them. Her husband had Tommy’s wife killed, and yet she dared to speak as if his death by their hands was unjustified. 

When the meeting was over, Audrey gathered up her things, and went to the door. Upon passing Lucy, she stopped, looking over her bruised face and the bandages peeking out from under her clothes. Lucy forced herself to meet the woman’s cold eyes, keeping all feeling off her face. Audrey leaned forward, so that Lucy could smell the sickly sweet scent of her perfume.

“You deserved every second of it.”

“That’s enough; get out,” Polly commanded, taking a step forward, probably at least in part so that she was placed between Audrey and Tommy. A dark storm cloud of rage had passed across his eyes at Audrey’s words, his icy gaze remaining locked on the back of her head as Polly ushered her out the door. He looked to be seconds away from throwing the whole carefully laid plan to the wayside and killing her then and there. 

Heaving herself away from the wall, Lucy went to him, resting both hands on his upper arms to get his attention and draw him away from his murderous thoughts. She rubbed her palms back and forth, feeling the heat and strength of his arms through the layers of his clothes. 

“She’ll get what’s coming to her,” she reminded him. No need to rush things. Besides, what they had planned for Audrey would be far more satisfying than a quick bullet to the back of the head. 

Tommy nodded, head angling down and wetting his lips. Lucy leaned closer to him.

“Almost done,” she whispered in quiet encouragement.

“Yes,” Tommy murmured, with the tone of someone who knew that the tribulations of life would never fully be finished with them. “Almost.” 

∗ ∗ ∗

She passed form after form to Polly and Tommy, helping to keep track of which ones still needed to be signed and by who. The scratch of pens against paper and the rustling of pages was the primary sound in the office, save for the occasional clearing of Tommy’s throat, or quiet mumbles from any of the three of them. 

When they were finally done, Tommy gathered all files into a folder, sighing and planting both hands on his desk while Polly leaned back in her chair, flexing the fingers of her writing hand. 

“Right, so now–” Lucy began, but was cut off by the door flying open. With wrathful, echoing footsteps, Lizzie came storming in, throwing her coat aside as she stalked towards Tommy’s desk. Lucy shrank away, quickly getting up from her chair so that she could retreat into the corner while Lizzie snarled questions as to why Tommy hadn’t been by her house yet to visit her. Tommy sighed, slumping back into his chair with a cigarette. Polly’s eyes darted shrewdly between the three of them. Lizzie dropped into the seat Lucy had been occupying, an expectant look on her face. 

Lucy frowned at the entitlement. Had she forgotten that they were still in the middle of a fucking war? That, as far as she knew, Tommy’s brother had just died? Did she really think now was a good time to start making demands of his time and energy?

She flinched at her bitter thoughts, looking shamefully down at her hands, aware that she probably wasn’t being fair.

Despite their talk before the kidnapping, she still couldn’t shake the feeling that Lizzie and the baby inside of her were hanging over her relationship with Tommy like the blade of a guillotine, poised and ready to drop at any moment to sever them from each other.

She glanced out the window, wrapping her arms around herself. As Tommy and Polly explained to Lizzie that Luca was coming for them all tomorrow, Lizzie’s face paled. She stared at Tommy, completely aghast at his apparent surrender. 

“You can’t just…you can’t just let him take everything…” she began to stammer.

“You want to live?” Tommy asked. Lizzie pressed her lips together, eyes wide. “This makes that possible.”

Lizzie looked around at all of them with her lips parted. “Wha–you all are alright with just giving up?”

“I thought that you wanted him to stop all of this sort of work anyway, Lizzie,” Lucy mumbled. Petty? Maybe. But her shoulders were starting to hurt again and she really was regretting letting Lizzie take her seat. Lizzie’s eyes widened, darting between Tommy and Lucy at the subtle revelation that he’d told her everything she’d said to him during their conversation when Lucy was taken. “And I don’t know about the rest of you,” she shifted uncomfortably, “but I’ve had enough of this war.”

Lizzie’s gaze dropped down to her lap. 

“We need to get going. There’s still things we need to do,” Tommy stood and grabbed his coat. “We’ll talk once this is all over, all right?” he told Lizzie in an attempt to placate her. She nodded, actually looking agreeable to the suggestion. Lucy picked up the folder of papers, moving to follow Tommy and Polly out, when Lizzie delicately touched her arm, triggering her to pause. 

“Lucy, I’m…” she worried at her bottom lip, then sighed. “I’m glad you’re alive.”

Lucy blinked. “You don’t have to lie.”

“I’m not. I know we’ve…I’ve had my problems with you, but I would never have wished what happened onto you.”

Lucy stared at her, wetting her lips, surprised at the genuinely in Lizzie’s voice. “Thank you.” She wasn’t sure what else to say. Jerking her head towards the door, she beckoned her to follow them out. “Come on.”

Lizzie gathered up her coat and trailed her to the door. “I didn’t mean to make such a fuss–”

“It’s fine,” Lucy lit a cigarette, pushing the door open to step out onto the street, moving to stand at Tommy’s side. Lizzie looked at them nervously, it not lost on Lucy how her eyes lingered on Tommy’s hand when it rested lightly on her shoulder. There seemed to be a battle going on inside her, the desire to lash out and rage at them for the gesture of affection, versus the need to keep the peace.

Lucy had to wonder if her current injuries had been what had earned her at least somewhat of a reprieve from both Polly and Lizzie’s hatred. That, and Tommy’s increased protectiveness. If either of them tried anything with him present right now, there was a strong possibility that he would rip their heads off. 

“You want a ride?” Polly offered to Lizzie, who nodded somewhat sheepishly, giving one last indication of goodbye to Lucy and Tommy before following Polly to her car. 

“Sorry about that,” Tommy huffed. Lucy shook her head. 

“It’s fine. You really should go visit her…”

A quiet groan left his lips, thumb rubbing at his eyes while his features scrunched as if in pain. “I know.” It sounded like it was the last thing on earth he’d like to do. Lucy squeezed his arm. 

“It actually is a nice house.”

“Fucking grand.”

“Tommy.”

Another groan. “We can go over there together sometime after this is done.”

“Maybe it would be better if you went on your own…”

He shot her a sharp look, behind which she swore she saw a stab of panic. “Absolutely not.”

“Tommy…I know you’re gonna have to spend time with her. It’s fine. I can be an adult about it.”

“Your behavior isn’t what I’m worried about. Besides,” he watched Polly and Lizzie’s car pull away from the curb and drove away with a little honk of the horn in farewell to them, “she’s already delusional enough about what may or may not happen between me and her. You really think me spending time alone with her is gonna help that?”

Lucy looked down at her shoes. “I just feel bad…”

“Which is why we can go together. Hey,” he took her by both shoulders, waiting until she was looking up into his eyes before speaking again. “Her feelings aren’t your responsibility.” 

“Feels like they are when I’m the cause of her misery.”

“You are no such thing. If anyone is, it’s me, not you.” He brushed his knuckles against her chin. “Even if you weren’t here, it would not change things between me and Lizzie. You’ve nothing to feel guilty for. You’re not keeping me from her. I promise.” His forehead bumped into hers. “I don’t love her. I don’t want to be with her. I want to be with you. Ey?”

A lump formed in her throat, nodding. His words helped, but only a little. It would only take a few days or so, and her insecurities would return as they always did. There was no escaping them. 

“Come on,” he kissed her, and took hold of her hand. “We’ve got more important things to worry about than Lizzie right now.”  

She let him guide her down the sidewalk, still holding onto him, despite the whispers of the guilt and self doubt that Lizzie’s pregnancy had awakened. Murmurs that told her over and over to let go and walk away.

∗ ∗ ∗

“Quick or slow?”

She stared over at the huge barrels that lined the wall of Tommy’s gin distillery, turning the question over in her mind, feeling Tommy’s eyes on her as he waited patiently for her response. 

“I don’t suppose I could ask for a bit of both.”

His head tilted curiously. “How do you mean?”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to him being roughened up a bit before we put a bullet in his face. But…” she sighed, head tilting up towards the rafters. She could no longer hear the flutter of starlings’ wings. “I just want him gone.” Maybe then, I’ll finally be able to sleep at night. It had worked, if only partially, with Matthew. No, it had not been enough to stop the nightmares, or the aching from her scars. But the peace of mind that it had brought her, knowing that he could no longer return to hurt her or anyone else ever again, could not be understated. “Quick,” she decided. “I want it to be quick.” It had been enough for her when they killed Vincente Changretta with a single speedy bullet to the head. It would be enough for her now with his son. 

“Okay.” 

She leaned into him, head nestling under his collarbone. “Thank you for giving me a choice.”

He stroked her back tenderly, kissing the crown of her head. “You don’t need to be here. You don’t have to see him again.”

“I want to be there,” she argued back. “Please, Tommy. I promise I’m not going to kill him prematurely, or anything like that. I just…” want him to know that he didn’t break me completely, she finished silently, looking down, lip caught between her teeth. When she raised her face back to Tommy, her gaze was pleading. “I have to see this.”

He searched her eyes for a very long moment. “I won’t let him touch you,” he promised, finally. “And if things get ugly, if there’s any sort of struggle or anything like that, I need you to swear you will stay out of it. I can’t have you getting hurt.”

She knew her agreement to that condition was the only way he’d allow her to be in the same room with Luca, so she conceded. Though not without a small grumble. 

And so she stood there, with Tommy, Polly, and Finn, as Luca’s men filed into the room.  

Her hands squeezed tightly around each other at the sight of Luca’s tall, imposing figure stepping forward. He grinned, that same damned smile he’d flashed her way dozens of times while carving into her flesh. It took all her willpower not to shrink down behind Tommy, her heart suddenly thundering in her ears, all instincts screaming at her to get as far away as possible from the man in front of them. 

“Good to see you again, Lucy,” Luca beamed at her, white teeth barring like an animal poised to start ripping out throats. “How’s your back?”

The deep, barely healed lashes he’d created in the skin of her back ached with memory. 

“Let’s get this over with,” Tommy said through gritted teeth, drawing Luca’s attention back to him. Luca strode forward, until he was close enough for Lucy to gag on the familiar scent of his cologne. He and Tommy stared each other down, and then Luca snapped his fingers, one of his men coming forward with a briefcase. 

What happened next was as expected: Luca monologued for a little while. At his order that they all be searched, slight panic washed over Lucy that he would try to touch her. But when he made a move towards her, Tommy shifted himself in between them with a growl. Luca’s eyes danced with mirth at the reaction, but he seemed to know not to push it, gesturing with a gloved hand for one of his men to come over and pat her down instead. 

“Careful of her bandages,” he said, a leering smile still aimed at her. “Wouldn’t want to rip open any stitches.”

Lucy glowered at him, hate shooting white-hot through her veins. That just seemed to amuse him more, before he turned his attention to Polly.

The Italian man peeked into her coat and patted at her pockets. She flinched at his hands pressing into her bruised ribs, but he followed his orders, being careful not to jostle her too much. He pulled from her boot her hunting knife, her gun from its holster in her jacket, and an empty burlap sack from her coat pocket. Luca chuckled, taking the items, examining them and then setting them on the table. 

“I’d expect nothing less.” He said to her, his tone carrying underneath its faux fondness an edge of something far darker. “What’s the bag for?” She didn’t answer, just staring at him silently, teeth clenching tight against each other. Her lack of answer only seemed to delight him more. “What say you that later we…” his eyes swept up and down her body leeringly, “pick back up where we left earlier, hm? Lucy?”

She felt bile rise in the back of her throat, nails digging into her skin where her hands were still clasped together, leaving little crescent moons in their wake.

“Luca,” Tommy’s voice rasped, tone dangerously low. “You’re here to deal with me. Not her.”

Luca’s gaze lingered on her for a moment more, then shifted back to Tommy. “Yes…” he murmured, a soft hiss drawing out the last letter. Those snake-like orbs gleamed as Tommy shifted a little closer to her, placing himself half between them. Luca raised a pen to Tommy, indicating the papers he’d scattered across the table. “So…sign.”

When Tommy didn’t immediately start signing the papers laid out before him, Luca had a little hissy fit, the display of which managed to cause Lucy a brief spark of amusement. This was all theater, after all. And Luca was about to be in for a very nasty surprise. The calmness in Tommy’s voice as he spoke helped too, reminding her that they were the ones in control of the situation–and all the men in the room. 

Seeing the glee slowly drain from Luca’s eyes while Tommy and Polly revealed to him what exactly they’d been busy doing since the events of the boxing match, was perhaps one of the most satisfying things Lucy had ever experienced. She could feel the beginnings of a smile twitching at her lips, and was aware that there was a sadistic sort of light beginning to dance in her eyes. 

It was not nearly enough for what he’d done to her, but it was still satisfying as all hell to observe. 

Luca made a move to grab his gun from his coat, and Tommy lashed out at him with a metal pipe on the floor, striking it out of his hand. Lucy’s muscles tensed–an action that really fucking hurt–with the reflex to jump in and help him as the pair began to struggle. She took half a step forward, only to have the back of her coat seized, yanking her back like a kitten seized by the scruff of the neck by its mother.

“Don’t you dare,” Polly said in a voice that was almost motherly. Tommy sent Luca crashing into a dozen or so gin bottles lined up on a table. “He’s fine.”

A tiny, distressed noise left Lucy’s throat, but she did as she was told. She’d promised, after all.

Tommy didn’t need her help, anyway. He was bringing Luca’s head down over and over again savagely against the table, steadily transforming his features into a bloody pulp. As he continued to beat Luca within an inch of his life, the side door opened, and Arthur stepped in with his gun already at the ready. 

At the sound of his footsteps, Tommy’s head turned in his brother’s direction, raising Luca up, he presented him to his older brother, and the bullet fired from Arthur’s gun made a quick home in Luca Changretta’s bloodied face. 

It blew straight through his head, out the back of his skull and ripping a hole into one of the gin barrels behind him, a steady stream of clear alcohol starting to rain down onto the floor, permeating the room with the scent of booze and juniper.  

Lucy did not hear any of the orders Tommy rattled off to the remainder of Luca’s men, nor the warning Arthur left them with. Her eyes remained fixed solely on Luca’s dead body. There was a rush of both cold and warmth going through her. Relief, that he was dead. Regret, because she did not get to be the one that made him that way.

He may be dead, but he would be with her forever. Always in her head, laughing as he whipped her and ripped at her flesh. The thought chilled her to her core, her breaths turning shaky. 

“Luce–” Tommy tried to reach out for her, but she shook his touch away, staggering forward and grabbing her sack and hunting knife that Luca had set on one of the tables. Pushing past him, she kneeled by Luca’s corpse. The hunting knife twirled once in her hands, and then she set to work with it. Behind her, she heard Polly let out a soft gasp, turning away as Lucy started to prepare the very final phase of their plan to end the vendetta once and for all. 

∗ ∗ ∗

Audrey Changretta held an expression of iron across her face. 

Even wandering through her own home, alone, putting the kettle on and bustling about to make herself a cup of tea, the look remained, held firmly by the muscles of her cheeks and jaw. 

It was the look that had emblazoned itself upon her face as she lay there on the ground, after Arthur and John took her Vincenzo away and left her laying there sobbing. Slowly, the tears had turned to quiet sniffles. Then, to silence. And her look of grief and sorrow had transformed, until nothing but unyielding steel remained in its wake. 

The fools should have killed her when they had the chance. 

She had grabbed onto the hate that had burned within her with both hands, not caring when it scorched her skin or withered away the gentle heart she’d once had. Even towards the troublesome little boys who had sat in her class. 

But they were no more those innocent, sweet little children than she was the kindhearted teacher she had once been. Her heart had died with Vincenzo. And much as Luca or his men may have liked to think otherwise, she was the real head of the family in his absence. And to be that, she had to be steel. There was no room for gentleness or compassion. She would stamp out each and every one of them. Not just the ones who carried the name Shelby. But any close to them. The old man who owned the scrapyard they so often liked to gather at. The gypsies who’d dared to join up with them. The whore who’d gotten herself knocked up with Thomas Shelby’s bastard. Not even John’s widow would be spared. It would take time to find her, of that Audrey had no doubt. But they would.

Then there was the matter of the little Red Demon, of course. She would be back in Luca’s grasp before too long, if she was not already. Then they could finish what they’d started with her. 

So foolish that he’d let her escape at all. But she supposed that it didn’t matter now. They had her, same as the rest of them. And by the time the sun rose, they’d all be dead.

Finishing preparing her tea, she cradled the delicate China teacup in her hands, and turned to go sit in the chair at her kitchen table next to the window. 

The seat was already taken. 

A harsh intake of breath rushed painfully into her lungs, hands tightening around the teacup in surprise. But despite being caught off guard, the look of iron across her face never waved, not even for a second. 

Her and the figure folded lazily into the chair just looked at each other for a long moment. Audrey’s eyes darted to the exit, considering if it would do better to try to make a run for it or to shout for the guards that Luca had posted outside.  

“Don’t bother,” Lucy Winters said. Even with the lights off and nothing but the silvery light of the moon peeking in through the window to illuminate her, Audrey could make out her distinctive, foxy features. The deep red hair, the shimmering green eyes, the freckles and slanting cheekbones. Despite half her face still a faded purple from the bruises Luca had gifted her, she managed to embody an untouchable, subtly unnerving beauty. Like a poisonous plant or a feral fox. Lovely to look at, but lethal. 

“How did you get in?” Audrey demanded.

“I’m a very talented person. Please, sit.”

Audrey eyed the seat that Winters kicked out for her warily, not moving. “The terms for peace have already been set. The meeting with Luca and Thomas has already taken place,” her eyes narrowed to slits as she leaned forward slightly. “So just what do you think you are doing here, girl?”

“Mr. Shelby had something that he wanted me to deliver to you in person,” she gestured to a bag on the table. Audrey huffed out a rather over exaggerated sigh.

“I have no interest in gifts.”

Winters smiled, and it was a truly terrible thing to behold. Her green eyes glittered madly, red hair framing her face like a fiery halo. 

Horns would be more fitting, Audrey thought bitterly to herself.

“I think you will with this one,” she shifted in her seat, and Audrey noticed the gingerness in her movements. The girl was still badly hurt. A flutter of pride flapped in her chest towards her son. Even if he was an idiot for not outright killing her when he had the chance. “I wanted to be the one to come see you,” Winters said, stretching out, sprawling in her chair. “You see, you and I should have met a long time ago. If only Tommy had sent me to take care of you and your husband instead of his idiot brothers, you’d have never made it out of Liverpool. We could have avoided this whole mess.”

“Luca still would have come after you to avenge us.”

“Maybe,” Winters agreed. “But he wouldn’t have had such deep insights into our organization, now would he? That was all from you.” A sneer curled her features. “Ungrateful cunt. John let you live, and you repaid him with a rain of bullets on his own fucking doorstep.”

“You dare talk to me like that? You’re an adulteress slut who’s only gotten as far as you have because Tommy Shelby likes to stuff his cock in you. You have no room to pass judgment on anyone after the things you’ve done. I ought to order the torture Luca had planned for you finished. It would be justice for all the pain you’ve caused.”

The Red Demon smiled, slow and easy, not at all perturbed by Audrey’s words. “Speaking of Luca, I have something of his for you. Would you like to see?” She reached for the bag, and before Audrey could protest or question what she meant, Winters stood, picking up the bag and yanking it open, turning it upside down to allow its contents to drop onto the kitchen table. 

Luca’s head, bloodied and beaten, hit the wood with a dull, wet thud. His green eyes were open, wide and staring lifelessly at her. The stump where his head had been severed from his neck oozed. 

Audrey’s mouth fell open, but no sound came out. The teacup tumbled from her hands to shatter on the floor. The room swayed, her hands flying out to try to brace herself on the counter. Her boy. Her sweet boy. He’d just been with her that morning, grinning and overjoyed as they celebrated their victory against the infernal Peaky Blinders. They had biscuits and drank tea. Any moment from now he was supposed to walk through her front door, and tell her how his final meeting with Thomas Shelby had gone.

They’d won. They’d fucking won. The vendetta was over. How…?

A low, wailing moan started to emit from her throat, collapsing to her knees, eyes unable to pull away from Luca’s lifeless face. 

No, no, my boys, they’re all gone. They’re all dead, my whole family…

She was not at all aware of Winters striding around her, nor of the cold press of a blade against her throat. Not until it sliced across her skin, and her blood flowed out of her to splatter across the kitchen tiles. When she fell lifeless to the floor, her expression was twisted into one of despair and grief, chillingly similar to the same one that had crossed her features as they ripped Vincenzo away from her, and she sobbed alone into the dirt. 

Not an inch of iron to be seen.

Previous Chapter • Series • Fic • Next Chapter

Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a comment, reblog, or like. I always appreciate feedback and love getting the opportunity to interact with you and hear your thoughts!

[fraternum-momentum]

I DID NOT KNOW LOVE AND DEEPSPACE HAD MEN MOANING IN IT?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!!?!?!

[fastandcarlos]

Yeah, Life Is Pretty Good! : ̗̀➛ Carlos Sainz

summary: in which carlos finds himself daydreaming wondering how he managed to achieve such a perfect life

“Have you even been listening to a word that I’ve been saying?” 

The raise in volume of your voice had Carlos’ eyes snapping over in your direction, his eyes going wide. Your head shook, the guilt on his expression clear as he glanced back down at your son who he held tightly in his arms. 

“You weren’t were you?” You sighed, folding your arms in front of his chest. “I swear I might as well talk to myself sometimes with you, what’s been going on with you these days?” 

“Sorry,” Carlos sighed, “what was it that you were saying?” 

You dismissed Carlos as you left your son’s nursery, heading downstairs to get on with some work that you had to do. Carlos felt terrible as he watched you go, having tried his best to listen, but unable to quite concentrate enough. 

“That’s your fault,” Carlos scolded your son, “I can’t help but sit and watch you and that means I don’t hear your mummy.” 

Over the past three weeks since your son arrived, Carlos had felt new emotions that he’d never experienced before. He was overwhelmed, happy, a little bit tired, but above all else, he was so in love. 

Getting used to the newborn stage was exciting for him, each day he was finding out new things about your son, discovering new details or picking up on little habits. He was completely infatuated with his new status as dad, he couldn’t get enough of the massive learning curve. 

“Your mum just doesn’t understand, does she?” Carlos asked your son, “how can anyone not just be completely obsessed with you before anything else?” 

The bright eyes of your son stared up at Carlos, completely unaware of what he was saying. Carlos didn’t seem to mind too much, just getting your son familiar with the sound of his voice was the most important thing to him, knowing they’d have plenty of time for proper conversations in the future. 

You were sure it was the Spanish in him, but whenever Carlos spoke, your son listened. He was fascinated by Carlos’ voice, those little accents and flair that he had already had your son intrigued by him. 

You could already tell they were going to be quite the double act. 

You didn’t seem to mind though, watching Carlos in awe. He’d made no secret of the fact that he wanted to start a family, but even he couldn’t prepare himself for how incredible it would be. Above all else, he couldn’t quite believe just how lucky he got to have the two of you. 

“What do you do to me?” Carlos asked, standing your son up against his thighs. “You don’t even feel guilty for making me an emotional wreck, do you?” 

As he studied your son, Carlos could see himself in him perfectly, he had his eyes, without a shadow of a doubt, knowing he was going to a heartbreaker with those piercing orbs when he was a little bit older. 

Carlos couldn’t wait to teach him so much more about life, all the things his dad taught him, and although he wouldn’t admit it to you, he definitely couldn’t wait to show him all about race cars in the future too. 

He wasn’t quite sure how long the two of them were sat in the nursery for, disturbed by the door opening and you peering through, smiling softly at the scene that you saw unfolding in front of you. 

It was only as you walked in you noticed how Carlos’ bottom lip was stuck out, his eyes slightly bigger than usual, two habits of his you always recognised a sign for when he was feeling a little bit emotional. 

“What’s he done to you?” You laughed, taking a seat beside Carlos. 

Carlos’ head shook as he laid your son back down in his hold, using his now free hand to quickly wipe underneath his eyes and get rid of any tears that might’ve been threatening to spill for him before reaching across and taking a hold of your hand. 

You weren’t letting Carlos get away with things that easily though as you continued to stare at him, silently pushing him to open up to you and let you know what had suddenly got him feeling a little bit teary eyed. 

“Don’t,” Carlos chuckled, feeling you watching over him. “You’re going to laugh at me if I tell you what it is that I’ve been thinking about.” 

“You won’t know unless you tell me?” 

“It’s silly,” Carlos told you, but still you sat in anticipation. “I was just thinking about how amazing life is right now, with you, and of course this one.” 

“That’s not silly in the slightest,” you smiled, shuffling closer towards Carlos. “I think that’s a pretty natural thing to think and feel considering what we’ve just been through.” 

“I never expected life to be this good,” Carlos admitted, finding himself getting a little bit flustered once again. 

Carlos’ feelings were only matched by you, it was an overwhelming experience to say the least. The most amazing thing for you was watching Carlos as a dad, you knew that he was going to be good, but even Carlos surprised you with just how good he was. 

“I’m so proud to say that this is our team,” Carlos smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “It feels like we’re pretty untouchable when it’s the three of us together.” 

Your head nodded in agreement with him, “we always said having a baby would be what completes us, and I think we were absolutely right.” 

“There’s always room for one more,” Carlos replied, watching as your eyes went wide, quickly shaking your head to swat away any ideas that Carlos had. 

You’d only just had one, let alone start thinking about another. Maybe one day you could have those conversations with Carlos again, but for now you, and your body, were more than happy just making the most of having one baby safely with you both. 

“It makes me sad to know that he’s going to grow up,” Carlos spoke, changing the subject. “I wish he could stay this small and adorable forever.” 

Already the two of you were noticing changes, before your very eyes it already felt like your son was growing up at a rapid rate, and he’d only been with you for a couple of weeks. 

“He’s always going to be adorable,” you laughed, “he’s got our genes after all.” 

“That’s true,” Carlos chuckled, his eyes flickering between the two of you. “He’s going to get all the ladies when he’s older, I can already see it.” 

You dreaded to think how you would cope in the future, watching your son grow up, the terrible twos, the tantrums, and the teenage years too. But for now you were both on cloud nine, hoping that you could stay in your bubble for as long as you possibly could. 

“So, life is good then?” You jokingly asked Carlos. 

“Yeah, life is pretty good!” 

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[rafesangelita]

໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১ season four (part two) let’s talk about it..

episode six:

i hate myself rn because why do i find young luke hot?? absolutely insane. larissa looked so sweet, this is unfair!! and the way jj put a hand to his heart when he was leaving the lighthouse?? SAD. rafe’s biceps look insane. i hope both sarah and rafe get to get in contact with wheezie at some point :( ruthie acting smug the whole time at the court house is making me want to crash out. when jj said “the new figure eight.” YEAH.

episode seven:

i hate groff and luke with a passion. FREE POPE RIGHT NOW!! so sofia knows she messed up but i just can’t see rafe getting past that, like there’s no way. POPE GOING TO THE MARINES?? SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW. i needed that scene with popecleo. groff is so fake i can’t do this rn. like how can you sit there, say all that heartfelt stuff and then lie on jj like that. NO WAY JOHN B MISSED WITH THE MOLOTOV ARE YOU JOKING??? LMAO.

episode eight:

john b is really doing it for me this season.. got me thinking. kie looking at sarah all crazy when she took the joint from john b lolll. john b being so supportive <333. groff calling the cops on jj, i hate himmmm!! and him making jj open that casket was so wrong of him omg. KIARA GETTING KNOCKED OUT HELLO??? POPE RUNNING OUT OF SIGNING MARINE PAPERWORK YESSS. ruthie and kelce pulling up with bats, i’m cringing so bad rn. WHY WOULD SHE PUSH SARAH ON THE GROUND WTF!! GROFF JUST SHOT HOLLIS (why do i feel bad for not liking her now?)

episode nine:

i’m sorry but why would the pogues go out in the open with a police boat?? PLSSS.. RAFE JUST PROPOSED TO SOFIA WITH HIS MOM’S RING I’M GOING CRAZYYY RN. rafe defending the pogues all backhanded is on brand for him i’m afraid.. kie cutting rafe free, okay..

episode ten:

PLSSS rafe yelling in the street like that LMAO. john b and all those apples in his shirt.. rafe having all that money and not even OFFERING to buy sarah something to eat is so crazy 😭. rafe being taller than everyone in the street is doing something to me. GROFF JUST TOLD RAFE ABOUT SOFIA WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?? so rafe literally told her to “pack your shit, get out of my house.” i just knew it wasn’t gonna last 😭 at least we got bf rafe content though, so.. SARAH SAVING RAFE AND SAYING “that’s my brother.” PLEASE RECONCILE I NEED TO SEE IT!! BYEEE THEY HUGGED AND CRIED THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN JJ DIED?? THAT’S LIKE THE WORST THING THE WRITERS COULD’VE DONE, HELLO?????!

[whywoulditho]

the thing about that one scene where caitlyn and vi fight is that caitlyn doesn't meet vi's eye the entire time. go back and watch that scene again, look closely at their body language. "you stopped me." caitlyn says, her eyes are shut tightly, she hears vi's gauntlets drop on the floor. "i had the shot." her voice is confused and desperate, she's facing the wall. "that was a kid. what if you missed?" vi asks in equal confusion. cait turns to her in fervor, "i wasn't going to miss," her voice is louder, firmer, she's ready to face vi— except she isn't, because even though she turned her way, she's still just looking at the ground. her anger is a façade even to herself. she wants so badly to pretend she wants blood. "i keep telling myself you're different but you're not." she says to vi —with as much poison in her voice as she can muster— but she's still avoiding her gaze. so afraid of her resolve breaking at the sight of her eyes. cait's pupils tremble as she says this, as if looking for something to fix her gaze on, just so she doesn't have to face vi. she steps past vi when she can't find anything in the empty hall, she turns back ever so slightly to say "it's her blood in your veins." the words feel wrong in her mouth as she utters them, she ignores it, she has to prove to herself that she's brave enough, that she can push through. but she still can't look at vi in the goddamn eye. she tries to get away, reaching for the ladder. flight, she's bitterly aware. but vi catches her by the arm and she's stopped in her tracks, grabbing the steel of the ladder with one hand, the other clutching to her gun like a lifeline. "then why are you the one acting like her?" vi yells. her. Jinx is haunting their every thought like a curse. the murderer of her mother. sister of her love. she wants to hate her so badly. she hates her, she has to. vi's grab of her arm loosens as caitlyn struggles to catch her breath. she can't look back, she can't meet her eye, but she can feel vi's unwavering gaze on her neck. she's so open, so willing to give her everything she's scared to admit she wants. vi is leaning closer, tilting her head to see cait where her face is covered behind her hair. cait's breaths start to even for a moment, and vi's eyes relax and soften. that's when caitlyn draws her arm out and hits vi in the stomach with the back of her gun. vi grunts, topples over so easily. she hadn't seen it coming. cait finally looks back and her face is confused, surprised, when did vi start lowering her guard down so much around her? why did she? she turns her back and climbs the ladder as vi's wails echo in the room. all those pained sobs can't be from the hit, she knows it would take so much more than that to break her. but she still can't bring herself to look back. vi is the strongest person she's ever known, and she's crying like a child as caitlyn leaves her behind.

[armandisdaddy]

Femmé Fatale-Modern Au!Chp.2

[Pairing: Aemond Targaryen (Married Businessman) x Fem Reader ( Secretary) ]

[Content/Warnings:!!18 PLUS!!, Lust, Tension, Adultery, Toxic, Domestic Violence,p in v penetration, Biting, Hair pulling, oral masc receiving,Violence, Obsessive, Stalking, Mentions of infertility and Swearing. Arguments and talk of mental health.]

Working with Y/N was nothing short of the word intense. Aemond hadn’t touched her for the past few weeks feeling remorse and guilt for what he had did to Alys and getting away with it only made his conscious make the decision to stop it all together. Y/N on the other hand was beginning to get a bit frustrated it would’ve been different if he sucked at fucking her and then his rejection would not matter. But he broke something within her that night maybe it was her sense of reality or decision making; either way she was losing her mind. How could he ignore her? It was obvious they had more chemistry than the both of them originally anticipated and somehow he was ignoring she even existed unless he needed her however.

She decided to waltz into his office locking the door behind before speaking in a hushed but irritated tone. “I’m trying not to cause a scene in here. Is there any reason why you get to fuck me only a few weeks ago and now you’re treating me like a pile of shit or like I’m the plague. Aemond stared at the paper he was working on not even daring to look up he knew those piercing eyes and plump lips would get him every time. “We cannot continue with this affair, Ms. Y/N. I admit I took things too far with you and I apologize for that. If you have any grievances I will compensate you on any way that you see fit. But, I love my wife…as difficult as things have been I love her and she needs me. I cannot betray her again.” He wouldn’t even look at her and listening to this shit falling out his mouth enraged her even more.

“You’re being fucking serious!? You didn’t seem to love her with you face between my legs…or when you fucked me sensless in the back of my car! You love her!?” It was a good thing his office was sound proof . “You’re pathetic…I know you still think about it. I can tell you still want me just like I want you. I’ve been thinking about touching myself to the thought of you inside me again.” She pulled the papers away from him and slid onto the desk sitting directly in front of him. The heels of her shoes digging into his thighs. Painfully so but he liked it. He could smell her perfume and groaned softly as the thoughts of that night flipped through his mind. She lifted his face up by his chin and he melted into her hand once he saw that face. “I can’t…” it almost sound painful for him to say, but his hands found their way to her thighs slowly pushing underneath her skirt.

She smiled slowly unbuttoning her top and he stopped her not wanting her to get completely undressed. “I don’t want to fuck right now…we don’t have time.” Her pulled her closer pushing her back against the desk pulling one of her heels off her pulled one leg from her stocking. Exposing her pussy that shined once the light hit the glint of her slick. “You’re horny from this little argument…me too..” he moaned kissing her inner thigh smelling the scent of her pussy. It was intoxicating. She whimpered feeling the soft kisses move closer to her folds. He lapped at her pussy hungrily sucking on her mound ravenously. Fuck he missed the taste of her. She moaned under her breath trying not to alert anyone of what they were doing. He was beginning not to care anymore. Everyone knew his marriage with his wife was strained and they could see he was miserable regardless of how he tried to hide it.

“Aemond please…fuck me I want it.” She begged and even though he was pushing it he could not refuse such a request. He pressed the button to talk to Grace. “Yes, Mr. Targaryen?” He put his finger over his lips to alert her to be quiet. “Grace I’m taking an hour lunch in my office. I’m not accepting any appointments or meetings at this time.” Grace responded and now that that was handled it was back to making Ms. Y/N a mess. “So you said you want me to fuck you, yes?” She nodded while she watched him pull his cock from his pants slowly stroking it while he stared at her in front of him. “Come here and let me see that pretty little mouth of yours.” He sat down in his chair and let her climb underneath the table between his legs. She grabbed onto his thick length and began stroking it before she placed soft kisses along the shaft. Taking him into her mouth and quickly into her throat his hand cupped her face while she looked up at him. “I missed that beautiful face…” she felt warm inside and her pussy was beginning to throb. He held onto her hair bucking up into her mouth occasionally. She was covering his cock in saliva making a mess and he loved every minute of it. He pulled her up and bent her over the table smacking her pussy harshly before he stood behind her.

“How am I to pay any attention to my work with such a naughty secretary, Hm? You’re going to have to let me get some work done, pet.” He held onto her hips letting his already spit lubricated cock ease into her tight walls. He hissed softly and she whimpered feeling that familiar stretch. That’s exactly what she wanted. “If I give you what you want will you behave, Princess.” She nodded comp-licitly. “That’s a good fucking girl.” His pelvis crashing into her ass caused a rhythmic clapping sound to fill the room and it was such a glorious sound. He pulled her up putting a deep arch in her back as he pulled her arms back picking up the speed. Her legs shook uncontrollably and she could help but scream his name over and over. “It’s okay no one can hear you keep telling me how good I fuck you baby.” She creamed all over his cock and without warning he spilled his seed inside of her. He pulled out looking at her stuffed hole it was beautiful. He turned her to face him and he pulled her in for a kiss. His heart was skipping a beat was he falling for her. No he couldn’t be not with how this started. But he was unfortunately and it was going to be the beginning of his ruin. She was become more attached in love herself. Only 30 minutes had passed and he decided he wanted to go another round before his lunch was over.

Later in the day the office was closing he had let Y/N know he had to go home. He had a business trip coming up and he would be happy if she joined him. She obliged happily and they kissed once he walked her to her car. Arriving home his nose was hit with the smell of food cooking and he was greeted by his wife with a glass of wine. She was wearing a wine colored dress and her hair was curled and placed just right. He hadn’t seen her like this in years what the fuck was going on? “Hello my love.” Her tone was sweet and inviting and if he hadn’t just drained his balls a few hours before into his secretary he would’ve took the invitation. But as soon as he was enticed he was angry… “You haven’t so much as looked at me in two years and now you’re doing what? Making an attempt to save our marriage?” She was taken aback by his reaction she knew things between them had been strained but she didn’t realize how dire the situation was.

“Aemond I was just trying to have a good night…I know I have been present as of lately…” He cut her off and laughed. “Present you have been totally nonexistent…” He shifted slightly and she smelled an unfamiliar scent lingering on him and something clicked in her head. “Who the fuck is she? Why do you smell like another woman’s perfume, Aemond?” He thought of what had just transpired before he got home and he smiled to himself turning back to look at her and the gaslighting began. “Even if I was cheating on you…could you blame me? I mean we barely speak to each other. I haven’t held you in 3 years..Alys!!! Three fucking heart wrenching years…of you acting like I don’t exist and I’ve been patient with you. Lying to the world about us going to therapy sessions, trying to talk to you so you can heal. I’m not even worried about the sex I just wanted us to start taking the steps to getting you back. And now when it seems that I could give to fucks about this marriage you want to pull this shit?”

He was right, but she knew something else was going on. She was growing tired of his woe is me tale and threw the half full wine bottle at him screaming to the top of her lungs as his crashed into the table behind him. The glass broke and the tint of red was every where. “Do you think I wanted to be depressed for 3 years? I know I wasn’t doing my best but do you understand how it feels to be told we will never have kids…I can never give you that and I know more than anything you wanted children..I feel less than a woman.” He cut her off again downing that glass of wine. “No you’re wrong remember I told you more than anything I wanted you…I needed you to be alive with me kids or no kids you were my everything. Now I see no reason for this…I have a business trip planned in the next few days. I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight.”

He went upstairs took a shower and went to bed thinking about the next 7 days with Y/N. While Alys was crying in the kitchen losing her mind. See since she had lost their child she wasn’t really sane. Her therapist due to patient confidentiality she wasn’t allowed to explain the extent of her mental state she just prescribed her with the proper medication and it seemed like she was still depressed, but the psychosis she was experiencing was beginning to spiral out of control. Aemond had felt some remorse, from his actions tonight but his pride wouldn’t let him apologize he’d already gone too far with Y/N with their argument tonight. At this rate he was thinking of divorce it would be best for everyone in this situation . Even if Y/N and him didn’t last at least he’d be free.

To be continued…

Taglist- @dc-marvel-girl96 @namelesslosers @kckt88

[ohtheewhorer]

Kinktober Day 6: Mutual Masturbation

Perv!70s!Dale Ferdinand “Longlegs” Kobble x Roommate!Mean!Reader

Summary: You catch Dale masturbating and I guess you’ll join or whatever.

Warnings: 18+ smut, m & f masturbation, cum eating, dirty talk, mommy kink

* i do not own image above

Dale clasps a hand over his mouth as his free hand works over his cock. He couldn’t risk being too loud or you’d be very mad. Your rule is that there will be no noise of any kind by 8 pm unless someone’s dying. In other words, you do not appreciate being disrupted from your sleep so Dale’s late night jam sessions were a thing of the past.

He both feared and admired you, finding himself abiding by any rule you’ve probably made up on the spot simply because you were annoyed with him one day. The dark father seems to like the wicked energy you radiate as well, encouraging interactions of which would make you punish Dale.

Like the time the Dark Father told Dale to steal one of your eyeshadow palettes and you retorted by making Dale piss his pants in front of you.

But Dale couldn’t deny that he gets all hot and bothered with any attention you provide him. Most of the time you’re quite dismissive and short with him and he’s fine with this but when you spew mean words at him—oh, it gets him going.

So it’s no surprise that after you’d told him off for leaving the toilet seat up that he found himself rushing to his bedroom to stick his hands down his pants. He doesn’t pleasure himself often, if any at all but when he does it’s hard to control his volume with how sensitive he is.

He whines a little louder this time, heart racing when he hears it bounce around the thin walls. There was no doubt that you heard it. You’d come in at any second now to berate him. He’s sure of it. Realizing that there’s no point in silencing himself, he indulges stroking himself harder and pulling sounds from his own mouth.

You bang on his door but his moans are so loud they swallow the sound so you have no choice but to enter and lay eyes on the eye-boggling scene before you.

“Oh my god, Dale! Seriously?” You yell, throwing your hand over your eyes.

“I’m sorry, little angel. I couldn’t help myself.” He whines, still working his fat cock.

God, why was it so big? Well, you know exactly why. Just look at the size of him entirely, you’re so tiny in comparison. Your thigh clench together at the thought. Oh, and those perfect, large hands of his…mmm. Maybe you can yell at him another time.

You move your hand away from your eyes watching him in the throes of passion; eyes rolling back and his filler pink lips parted to let out wheezy gasps.

You find yourself, caressing your hands down your body and biting your lips. The throbbing need between your legs more prominent than ever before.

“I’m only going to touch myself because I need the relief, not because I’m liking what I see here.” You get on your knees onto the mattress on the ground, pushing your hand under your skirt and pushing your underwear to the side. You gather the slick that pooled heavily in the gusset of your lace panties, bringing it to your clit and rubbing circles in tandem to Dale’s pumping.

Your moans and groans blend into one like a beautiful symphony. The closer you got the sloppier you got with your play, grinding down on your hand and panting as you imagine that it’s his beautiful porcelain-like face between your legs.

“You’re so beautiful,” Dale rasps. “I want you to be my pretty little doll to play with.”

“I’d rather you be my doll,” You counter. “I’d make you wear pretty dresses for me and fuck you silly in them. Let you call me mommy.” You plunge a finger inside yourself, working yourself up with your own words. Now you definitely need to let that happen sometime. “Dale, m’gonna cum.”

“Oh, fuck!” Dale cries out spilling in his hands and little belly. His orgasm, a mix contribution of you igniting his need to be your doll and the way you sobbed his name. He’s spurting thick hot ropes that shoot a great distance onto his mattress from how hard he comes.

You’re not far behind, falling forward to where your right cheek rests against his bed as you rode your hand and gutturally moan. Your juices gush onto your fingers, giving you added lubrication as you continue to thrust.

When you’ve both calm, you take the initiative to stick your honeyed fingers passed his full lips and he immediately accepts them, swirling his tongue carefully around each finger.

You pet his head adoringly, making him choke on your fingers a little. “You’re lucky you’re so pretty because the next time you wake me up from my sleep, I’m going to make sure you cum for me until you’re dry.”

[randomnameless]

Do you think Edelgard perceives herself as a victim? I’ve been thinking and I can’t decide myself, on one hand she clearly hates the idea of people being victims or helpless, and constantly reframes the victims of the war as “necessary sacrifices” instead of, y’know, tragic causalities of a war she started. She plays up her sad backstory to try to get Byleth to join with her in WC, but then she does all these things to concentrate as much power as possible on herself. On the other (other) hand, she pushes the culpability of the war on everyone except herself, and has trouble taking accountability. She’s obsessed with controlling everything but she doesn’t want to be blamed for the problems she’s created. What do you think?

Oh!

(sorry for replying one literal month later lol)

I find Supreme Leader hard to write because of this, but in a way, I believe that yes, she does.

However, for all the flak Faerghus gets for "ToXiC mAsCuLiNiTy" and "Chivalry BaD", there's something very toxic with the way some Adrestian victims (often women... blame the writers I guess?) deal with their abuse.

I'm not going to spend a lot of time on Doro because I already typed a lot about her, but while she still sees herself as a victim from what she endured and suffered in her childhood, she adopted the toxic mindset of "this suffering is a thing of the past and I grew from that/beyond that to become the person I am now" - which we can also see in Manu who suffered from, roughly, the same traumas.

Petra also follows this pattern, being a hostage and treated like shit, but she grow "beyond" her status of a victim to become the strong person she projects and believes she is - it's only out of House that she realises more accutely her status within the Empire, the reality of her situation and, in Houses, refuses vassalage to Adrestia to make her country independent without having to "ask the Emperor".

It's the same pattern : "I was a victim" but "I became strong" so "I am not a victim anymore, this is something of the past".

Applied to Supreme Leader...

Well, trying to ignore the Agarthans and her dad's own infuence on her character (which is kind of hard, since the games try their hardest to make Agarthans responsible for everything BaD and we're not clear on how much they had an influence on her), I think Supreme Leader believes she was a "victim" of abuse.

But - through further abuse and surviving said abuse - she became strong* enough to "not be a victim anymore".

Which is why her line of "if the weak remain weak it's their fault" feels like it echoes part of her mindset : she was a victim but became strong enough, maybe by hardening her own feelings to become "strong", so she is not the same helpless "victim" she once was.

If she managed to do that, then everyone can do the same.

As for the "necessary sacrifices", since early 2019 someone theorised that "the people" she pretends the fight for as seen as some general "concept", much like the "greater good". So if some people are sacrificed, it's for her ideals - the goal and aim of her newfound strength - , and it piles on her drive, she must realise them otherwise those people would have died (and she would have suffered) for nothing.

However, despite acknowledging her past self as a victim, and because she's now "strong", she's not above using her past trauma (but actually, still present! Remember the rat scene?) to reach her goals, because, at her core, Supreme Leader is soemone who is very determined. Maybe it's her only drive to grow beyond the trauma, or her own illusions, or a mix of everything, but AM made it clear, Supreme Leader is not above, well, using herself if it means seeing her goals come to fruition : unlike Lobotogard from AG, AM!Supreme Leader willingly transforms in Hegemongard.

This is the cost she's willing to pay, so while the memes about Lord Farqaad were on spot, I still think that Supreme Leader is ultimately willing to sacrifice** herself for her goal (but only when there's no other way to ensure her future will come to fruition, and in a way, I guess she thought she would survive the Hegemon transformation, jury's out on what she meant to do in AM's finale, but imo, she still tried, even beaten and battered as she was, to claim Dimi's head).

Ultimately I think everything's a bit muddled by the fact that, as @fantasyinvader pointed out, Supreme Leader is a liar and knows the importance of maintening good PR.

She lies and manipulates the truth to reach her goals (which again, is a red flag when CF claims to want to restore the "distorted history" of Fodlan!) and for all the flak I give them, the devs managed to scrap enough material to give us a peek in Adrestia's mindset (or at least its top nobles), they're not people who self reflect, they are salty because they aren't ruling the world anymore, and they feel like they are better than the rest of Fodlan.

Put everything in the mixer, and you indeed have Supreme Leader (but also her court, especially Ferdie in SB who dares to say, as he is invading and trouncing people who don't really like and accept the idea of being invaded, that the fear those people feel are only in their mind, or something like that? Like, dude, you're rolling over their people and country, of course they'll fear and hate you!) giving her weird rhetoric lines (why are people opposing me if they are going to die?), victim blaming (something Treehouse swallowed like honey, if their lolcalisation is anything to go by, remember, it's Rhea's fault for not offering her head on a platter that is the reason why the War continues in CF!) and so on.

IDK if the devs wanted to bank that much on the Dany parallel with her "if I look back i am lost", but again, I don't know if her drive to make a "better Fodlan" is motivated by her trauma, Adrestian revanchism, Ionius telling her dumb things or Agarthans agarthaning, but her goal and vision are everything to Supreme Leader.

So she will do anythign to see them realised, even if it means sacrificing her people, starting a war, tweaking "the truth" or using her own trauma to motivate and recruit powerful people who might assist her with her goals.

To reply to your question, IMO she sees herself as someone who had once been a victim, but won't let that stop her from reaching her goals, even if it means creating thousands of "hers" in the process, because, in her mind, reaching her goal is more important than anything else.

*I know, she refutes Dimitri's claim that she is "strong" or laughs at it, but imo, it was more in the sense of "I was weak and became strong" so everyone can "become" strong.

**I don't think she wanted to throw away her life, but more something in the lines of "putting my life on the line" or sacrificing her precious (and to see how precious it is, just play CF lol) humanity.

[milkman-zahhak]

OC ref sheet + slightly better writing/fic

-> Part 1 Part 2 (prequel to part 1) (think of it like a flashback scene, seen as Leo and Cal drift asleep in part 1) Part 3 (sequel to part 1)

Made a visual for those OCs I made, attempting to flesh them out a bit. The art is messy, the anatomy is wack, I know.. I just wanted to get the basic info out there. Anyways, here's a different (hopefully better) story.

And as usual, WARNING, THIS IS A KINK POST, A FETISH POST. IT WILL CONTAIN FETISH CONTENT, SUCH AS BELLIES FULL OF FOOD AND WHATNOT, CHECK THE TAGS FOR THE WHOLE RUNDOWN.

Brief overview: The first character is a college boy named Cal. He's naturally thin, he doesn't overeat very often. And maybe that's for the better because he's lactose intolerant and has a sensitive stomach, prone to bloating. He's shy and antisocial, but has a very close friend named Leo who is his roommate. Leo secretly has.. well, a "thing" for bloated tummies and things of the like.. he would never push this onto anyone, much less ADMIT it. Cal has grown comfortable around Leo over the years, even though he's usually very self-consious and shy, he trusts Leo and is willing to open up to him more. ----------

It was a boring day off of work for Cal. He had no plans nor any means to act out any plans he might have. Not to mention nothing to snack on, and Cal wasn't about to make himself a whole meal. He was counting down the minutes until his roommate Leo came home from work, hanging out with Leo was always fun for him. Eventually, it was about 30 minutes past the time he expected Leo to return.

"Im so boooorreeeed…" Cal mumbles. But as soon as the words leave his lips, the door slams open. He turns around to see Leo and brightens up immediately. Leo informs him that hes sorry for being late, he won some gift cards to the local pizza place in a raffle at work and used them all at once. "I thought i might as well use 'em before I lose 'em. Or forget about them. Theres a bunch, so we can share!" Leo tries to cheer Cal up as he brings the pizza boxes to the little coffee table in the living room. Cal follows Leo to the pizza to grab a slice. "I've been so bored out of my mind all day, and hungry too. This is gonna be so kickass, huh?" Leo chuckled "Yup! Just us chilling all night. We can watch movies too, let me get one ready." Cal leans back, "hell yeah! Ok, choose something silly and fun."

Cal watches from the kitchen as Leo boots up youtube on the TV in the living room "Dude, something else please. Leo frowns, questioning "aww, not y-" Cal interrupts "NOT youtube documentaries about lost media or unsuccessful video game film adaptations, God dammit! That's all we watched last time.. don't you have any actual movies?"

Leo gets up and looks through a box of physical media he has, most of which are youtube series he's burnt onto DVDs, until he finds an actual movie "Uh. Umm. I've got one of the original copies of the Postal 2007 movie on dvd?.."

Cal sighs, giving up on being able to chose a normal movie "...Yeah, sure. Zach Ward really carried that dumpster fire"

Cal leans forward over the kitchen table to pluck a slice from the box, the stringy cheese stretching and tearing. "I could go for some soda, too," he murmurs, and Leo springs to his feet, nodding "Good call. I'll grab some." As he heads for the fridge, Cal takes an excited bite and settles back. He's practically inhaling the slice at this point, almost choking on the huge bite he took as he does so. Leo hears him cough and laughs, "God damn, Cal, chill. There's plenty of pizza, haha. It's not gonna run away from you."

Cal rolls his eyes "yeah, thanks for the advice." He takes another big bite and speaks as he chews "you have no idea how hungry I've been all day. I swear I could eat all of this pizza by myself if I could!" Cal was obviously joking and exaggerating, but Leo blushed imagining such a scenario… he shook away the thoughts quickly. He doesn't want to make Cal feel uncomfortable, he doesn't know about Leo's fetish, and Leo felt guilty for thinking of his friend as the unaware center of his fantasies. Leo's cheeks burn as he returns to the living room with the sodas. Cal had grabbed a second slice by then, but was struggling to keep up with his conversation between bites. The pizza pretty much disappeared before his eyes.

He must be starving, Leo thought.

Leo places the sodas on the coffee table within arm's reach and flops down onto the living room floor, propping his back up against the couch. His eyes scan Cal's body thoughtfully from across the apartment, but he remains silent. Cal is oblivious to Leo's silent admiration, focused solely on demolishing the pizza. In just a minute, he finishes his second slice and reaches for a third. Leo is putting the DVD in when he remembers he needs to eat too "Oh, wait let me grab a plate".

Leo walks into the kitchen to see Cal still at the kitchen table scarfing down pizza, his hands come away greasy and covered with sauce. He doesn't care. He devours the fourth slice like he's had no food in days. Leo playfully hits Cal on the shoulder, "cmon, man save some for me.. and don't eat it in here. I wanna watch the movie! Here, we can even bring the pizza boxes in there too." Leo meant that they should move to the living room after Cal finished his slice, but as Cal agrees and gets up, he shoves the whole slice into his mouth at once as they carried pizza boxes into the living room.

They settled down for the movie. Leo reached for a slice of pizza and realized quickly that it was already half gone. Cal had eaten maybe 4 slices already. He looks over to see how Cal managed to pack it all away when he realized he couldn't see his belly. Cal was wearing a loose zip-up sweatshirt and it gave nothing away.

The two watched the movie, eventually the first box was finished. Leo's eyes drifted back and forth between the TV and Cal. He can't help himself. Cal is too damn irresistible. The way he devoured that pizza—no shame, no second thought. Cal rarely even took a moment to breathe.. And there must be a reason Leo can't see his belly when he's been gorging himself, right? Cal's belly must be distended and swollen beneath that sweatshirt. His jeans must be so tight right now… Leo internally scolds himself after looking down and realizing it was in fact HIS pants – not Cal's – that were tight, albeit not because of his stomach.

He really shouldn't be thinking of Cal like this, Cal doesn't know what this is doing to Leo, he's not doing anything on purpose. Leo tries to shake these intrusive thoughts. He glances at Cal for a moment and finds him staring right back, mouth full of pizza. "Hey man, you good?" Leo tilted his head "What? Yeah, why?". Cal shrugs. "I dunno, I asked you if you thought Uwe Boll ever actually played Postal himself or not.. And you just were kinda staring off into space.." Leo blushes "oh, haha my bad, I think I just zoned out.."

Shit

Leo continued, "..Sorry, I get pretty engrossed in movies and stuff sometimes, you know?"

Cal grins bashfully and takes a big bite of whichever slice he was on now "Ah, well, I tend to talk over 'em a lot, so..." Leo waves him off, "Nah, Cal, don't apologize. I like hearing the shit you have to say about movies. Makes it more interesting." Cal grins and turns back to the screen, his eyes fixated on the television in front of him as he grabs the last slice in the third box, dropping the empty box to the floor. "Dude this pizza is soooo good. Im like, full, but I can't stop eating it."

Leo almost wishes Cal knew how he felt about these kinds of subjects so he wouldn't be so open about it, but how do you begin to tell your friend "hey this normal thing? It actually gets me rock hard, so unless you're trying to encourage that, maybe we could change the subject from you stuffing your belly with unhinged amounts of pizza, thanks". Leo takes the few seconds that Cal has his focus on the movie as an opportunity to gaze again at his now noticeably distended belly beneath his sweatshirt. The fabric is stretched taut, and tauter by the minute. His posture slowly changing as more and more pizza filled up his gut and weighed it down. His belly must be huge right now. Is there any way the shirt could hide it for much longer? Leo wondered.

The movie is almost over. Cal leans back in his seat, subtly sneaking his hand beneath his sweatshirt to try and sneakily rub his belly. He quickly stops as if trying to hide his discomfort. Maybe he's embarrassed? Leo tries not to think about it until during a quiet moment in the movie he hears a "grrgrgrrrrrrrrlllllee….." from beside him. "Woah Cal was that you?". Cal grins "yup, I think I'm *hic* getting full." Oh god. Leo was practically throbbing.

"O-oh, haha yeah I bet. You ate like 3 boxes right?" Cal looks at Leo like he's crazy for a moment before looking down at the empty boxes on the floor "no way, I only… I.. hm. Fuck, I guess I did!" Leo sees a flash of regret and fear on Cal's face for a split second before his fun attitude came back "I wasn't paying attention to the food, I was just eating while I watched the movie.." there were a few moments of silence. Cal's belly grumbles loudly again, interrupting the silence. His face is slightly flushed as he tries to hide how full he's getting from the pizza. He rubs his arm with nervous energy. "Man do you think we could crank down the heat a bit? I'm kinda hot" Leo nods and gets up, turning down a dial on the thermostat. As Leo is in the other room, Cal lets out a small burp into his fist and continues to rub his belly. Leo definitely heard it, but he wasn't gonna bring it up since Cal seemed to be trying to hide it anyways.

Back in his seat on the couch now, Leo shifts his legs and glances at his friend out of curiosity. Cal is still watching the movie, but Leo can hear his tummy churning as it tries to digest copious amounts of free pizza. He also hears Cal swallowing down burps as they rumbled up his throat. Maybe Cal thought that Leo couldn't hear these things, because he stayed outwardly confident and continued to act like he wasn't very full at all. Cal's belly rumbles loudly again, loudly enough that theres no denying what the sound was. "damn, haha" he plays it off casually before hiccuping, swallowing air as he did so and accidentally belching at the end. "hic-uRP-" his eyes widen. Leo is glad the lights are dim because hes sure that his face is probably red as a tomato right now.

"Sorry," Cal says "I guess I got a little carried away" He rubs his belly again not hiding it very well anymore, it's distended just above his belt, stretching the fabric as he stretches out on the couch. After a few moments, Cal shifts slightly, as if he's trying to find a comfortable position to relax. The movement does nothing but draw his sweatshirt tighter around his bulging belly as he leans back. The pressure is obviously becoming uncomfortable for Cal, he can't help but give a soft groan as he feels the distension of his gut. Leo looks away for a second as he feels his eyes almost roll back in his head. This CAN'T be real life. He turns back and takes a deep breath. He shouldn't be here, he feels bad. Cal is unintentionally acting out some of Leo's deepest fantasies and he doesn't even KNOW he's doing it..

Eventually the movie ended and the credits rolled. Leo yawned, it was getting late. They could probably just crash here on the couch and sleep like they usually do. Conversation continues as normal, both the boys winding down as they prepare to sleep soon. Another burp rumbles up Cal's throat and it's a wonder he can even keep up the facade. This happens a few more times before eventually, an especially forceful belch broke the barrier of silence.

"…. .. brUUUUUUURHP-Urp… urp…" Leo's head spun around, both boys' eyes were wide in shock. Leo tried to lighten the mood, he knew his friend seemed uncomfortable about letting on that he had overindulged, so Leo followed Cal's demeanor and decided to also play it cool.

Leo scrambled to think of what a normal person who isn't aroused by bloated belly aches would say in this situation. "Damn that was a big one haha, sick!"

Cal avoided eye contact and forced a small laugh "Ha, you know it… sorry though for real, that was gross of me" Leo tries to reassure him without making it obvious that he is MORE than okay with what's going on. "Dont worry about it, you're so self conscious about so many things that really aren't that big of a deal. I promise, I don't find you annoying or gross." Cal stayed silent, appearing to be studying Leo's face before sighing and sitting up slightly "Can I… be honest with you?"

Leo tries not to laugh "Dude, you can ALWAYS be honest with me, your my best friend!" Cal opened his mouth to speak before grimmacing as a loud airy gurgle broke the silence, followed by an involuntary soft and equally as airy burp… "I- *uuuorp*, god, my stomach is so full." He brought one other hand to the top his stomach and the other to the bottom, holding it with both hands weakly, unable to find the strength to hide it anymore "Leo, I'm not really fine, my stomach actually hurts really bad and I didnt *hic* I didn't wanna fuck up movie night so I didnt say anything." He quickly blurts out. That gets Leo's attention.

Leo is frozen for a moment, staring at Cal's tummy, bulging beneath his sweatshirt, creating a huge bump as if he were hiding a basketball underneath it. It was a wonder that his sweatshirt wasn't tearing apart from the seams. In fact, it looked like it was about to. Even with the dim light and the position he's in, it's almost impossible to hide it. "Cal.." Leo's voice almost cracks. "You didn't ruin movie night, I don't think you could if you tried. I like hanging out with you and I like you for who you are, I don't want you to feel scared to tell me things and I'm sorry if I did anything to make you feel that way-" Cal cuts him off "no, no, it's not you.. urgh.." he paused as an overstuffed rumble made its way up his throat, he went to release it as a burp, but it got stuck in his throat. "*sigh*… it's me, I don't wanna get into it but I promise you, there's something personal about me and it's my own thing to deal with, sorry if I came off as apprehensive or unusual about it, I'm just stubborn.."

Leo put his hand on Cal's shoulder. That's what friends do, right? He assured him "Man.. As long as you're happy."

The mood seems to have lifted after that little talk. Cal sighed out loud "*sighh* but for real my stomach hurts so bad, it feels like I'm being stabbed in the gut!" He said as he slowly rubbed back and forth on the upper curve of the bloated mass in his lap covered by his sweatshirt. Churning could be heard as well as bubbles in the back of Cal's throat just barely making it up before getting stuck. Cal groaned under his breath. Leo tries to contain his own excitement at the situation. He doesn't know how long he can keep his cool if Cal keeps making sounds like that.

Another quiet moment between the boys, their conversation drifting to a stop. Leo's attention is entirely directed at Cal's body, specifically his ever inflating abdomen. He could see the pressure taking a toll on Cal. The sweatshirt was getting hard to keep down as the tightness and heaviness of the distended flesh pressed on his lap. Cal tries his best to relax for the time being, not able to do anything about his situation at the moment. The sweatshirt's fabric continues to be stretched, but still it can't hide the growing bulge of stomach.

"G-god it hurts.. fuck…" Cal suddenly whispered under his breath, breaking the verbal silence. "Leo, I can't sleep, I feel sick.." Leo had long since pulled his shirt down to cover his own crotch, he was past the point of no return and had nothing left to do but hide his shame, and his main goal now was to either relieve himself or stop being horny, and one of those was near impossible in this situation. The other coming naturally.

He still tried to give helpful advice though, "Dude, it's probably the gas. You're probably bloated from all the cheese, not to mention the stuffed crust. You just gotta get the gas out"

Cal raises an eyebrow "how? I don't know how to burp on command, and I can't seem to get anything up.." Leo rolls his eyes and resists face-palming, "You.. by rubbing your stomach? Do you need me to do it for you?" He teased playfully. Cal leaned back, "oohg.. if you're offering, go ahead.." Leo's heart practically jumped into his throat as Cal gave him permission to touch his stomach. "Really?" Cal gives him a genuine nod. Leo got up onto the couch and moved behind the other boy, his hand going from Cal's shoulder to the front of the bulging sweatshirt, his fingers lightly pressing onto Cal's belly. He was immediately greeted with a low, loud rumbling that was probably from all the pizza, cheese, and soda, as well as the gas that had been accumulating throughout the night. He could feel the vibrations even through Cal's sweatshirt and undershirt "Holy shit, dude. You really are bloated". Cal's body shook and his voice trembled "Y-*..grrrr* oulgh.. yeah I usually never eat that much. I don't know how I even fit all that in me." The noises and vibrations sent a shiver down Leo's spine. Cal was almost like a giant, fleshy drum that he could feel vibrate when he touched it. He pressed his hands onto it again, but this time he gently rubbed circles into Cal's gut, listening to the rumblings as he did so.

The sensation and the noises made him euphoric. Cal suddenly spoke up "Hey I don't want to be weird or anything but are you like, into this?" Leo's heart sank and he felt his life flash before his eyes, his hands lifting up off of Cal's belly as he froze in place. "Wh… uh. What."

Cal repeated himself "like, are you into this?" Leo doesn't know what to say. How did Cal even know? Was he being too eager, too straightforward? He knew he shouldn't have actually offered a belly rub, surely Cal was just exaggerating when he made the offer. "I'm.. what made you think that?" Cal exhaled out of his nose jovially "because I can feel your boner on my back dude." Leo's eyebrows furrowed ashamedly, he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Cal noticed and quickly added "It's okay if you are! I just.. I wanna know and make sure that's the case because I.. uh" Leo didn't dare look up but his ears honed in on what Cal said as he continued to speak "..I am."

Leo let out a deep sigh and leaned on Cal, resting his head on his shoulder "ohthankgod… Well in that case, yeah. Uh. Was it.. really that obvious?" Cal shook his head "Not really, I was actually really worried that I was the one going over the top by using this as an opportunity to stuff myself silly, I wanted to take advantage, since it's not like we have a surplus of food to be eating on the regular." Leo lifted his head "That's kinda clever. Yeah, you went apeshit on those pizzas, how many did I bring, 4? There's only one box left and there's already half a slice eaten from it."

Cal groans, the thought of food making his stomach churn even louder. Leo put his hands back on Cal's stomach and continued to rub it again. Cal suddenly tensed up and made a painful, scrunched up face, Leo could feel a particular pocket of air beneath his hands and massaged the side of Cal's hard distended tummy. Cal began to groan before he was cut off by a huge belch that sounded like the damned and digested souls of every pizza slice he's shoved into his gut. "Ugh-hUUUUUUURRRRP..'' There was a small moment of silence from everyone and everything including Cal's raunchy belly before everything shifted back into gear. Leo had to look down and check to make sure he didn't cream his jeans.

Cal let out a relieved sigh "oh Jesus dude, that helped a lot" he sounded thankful as he took another deep breath. Leo felt a sudden surge of confidence after giving such successful belly rubs, he'd never done this before! He wasn't sure this was real life. If it was a dream he didnt ever wanna wake up.

His hand kept moving, circling and rubbing across Cal's bloated midsection, the soft fabric of his sweatshirt stretched over his stomach felt almost like a nice soft stress ball to Leo… more like a dollar store stress ball made of hard foam that's near impossible to squeeze comfortably, so you mostly just hold it and caress it. Except Cal's belly wasn't made of cheap foam, and was safely confined within his clothes. His very tight clothes. Every now and then his fingers would graze lightly against the bloated boy's chest when he would rub a bit higher up, drawing soft gasps from Cal. The sweatshirt was baggy but it wasn't all that thick, Leo could swear he felt Cal's nipples, now hard, through the layers of fabric after accidentally brushing past the area a few minutes in.

Leo didn't say anything, there was really nothing he felt he needed to say. He just kept rubbing and listening to Cal's belly gurgle and his occasional burping- none rivaled that first one though.

Leo eventually began to think aloud "So now that everything's all out in the open, I'm kinda curious, if you're okay with sharing.. uh. What do you specifically.. enjoy?" Cal leaned his head back slightly, shifting the rest of his body closer to the boy behind him in the process "honestly I just like to indulge once in a while. I- *urrrp* ah.. 'scuse me, I'm not a health freak or anything but I like keeping a slim figure and eating healthy. Mostly 'cause even small amounts of junk food upset my stomach. Not to mention my favorite junk foods usually contain dairy, and I'm lactose intolerant. So if I ate like this every day I would probably spend all my free time in pain anyways." Leo nodded sympathetically, "Yeah that sucks, man". Cal continued "s'not all that bad, it would just be really inconvenient. That's why I only go all out like this on special occasions, a few times a year."

Leo hummed and continued to rub in a circular motion across Cal's belly "Makes sense. So.. are you just enjoying yourself now or is there anything else you're uh, 'into'?" Cal let out a small groan as Leo's hand brushed against his chest again "ghh-*buhurrrp*.. mm.. I don't think so. I can't think of any better way to go about satisfying my cravings. I like to feel full every now and then, push my limits and see how far I can go. I usually get full after eating even just small amounts, but I've found that if I keep going beyond and just continue eating anyways, I can actually pack away a whole lot more before my body starts to stop just hurting and starts physically rejecting and ejecting it" he hiccuped after he spoke and giggled before finishing his sentence "..so I'm just kinda relaxing right now.. and.. the company is nice too." he added in with a small smile. "Why, what about you? You into anything else?"

Leo was still shocked that his friend happened to not only accept his freaky fetish, but SHARE it, he didn't want to move things too fast or sound too eager.. but Cal basically admitted his secrets for him just now, and Leo feels like Cal deserves the same honesty from him. "Well.. I'm into people doing what you do. I'm not really into it when it's my own stomach or anything for some reason, but I don't really mind. I wouldn't really be opposed to it, I think I'm just more into… experiencing it uh, secondhand?" Leo, lost in thought, pressed down harder than usual for a second as he rubbed, Cal let out a muffled burp into his fist "*grrrrph*.. no, that makes sense, I get it."

Leo, feeling more grounded and comfortable, added onto his explanation "I've never done anything about it before, but I.. fantasize.. a lot, and I'm really into the idea of feeding y- someone. Like being the one to help you push your limits." Leo felt a tingle run down his spine as he finally admitted his fantasies out loud, he felt Cal sit up a little bit. Worried that maybe that freaked him out he added "Sorry if that's too weird.."

Cal laughed, then sat up completely, beginning to speak before the air that had been trapped rushed up as he sat straighter, "*BUUURP* agh, phew! It's okay, Leo, that's hot". Leo blinked. Very blunt... but he wasn't complaining.

Cal put his own hands on his stomach, feeling it for himself before looking back up at Leo "I'm still super full, but my tummy doesn't feel like it's being stabbed anymore! Like, I don't feel as full anymore!" Leo smirked "It's cause I burped you like a little baby"

Cal shoved Leo lightly "Oh c'mon, you loved it! Hey, there's still some pizza left right? We could do your feeding thing!" Leo's face brightened but he hesitated to accept the offer. "I mean, we could always do this another time. I could wait however long you want until you're ready to dedicate a night to this, besides, aren't you really full?" Cal technically was full, his stomach had stopped churning as hard and thus wasn't in as much pain at the moment, but that just meant the food was sitting in his stomach undigested.

Cal's expression stayed the same as he answered unexpectedly confidently, "But I'm less full now! It hurt earlier, but I wasn't really at my limit!" Leo was skeptical "You sounded like you were gonna projectile vomit on the carpet earlier if I hadn't rubbed your belly" Cal scoffs, "No, I was just psyched out! I was caught off guard 'cause you were here with me and I didn't know if I would have been freaking you out or not. Really, I've been doing this for years" Leo stood up and sighed "If you say so 'mr professionally licensed glutton', but I'm new to doing any of this and I really don't want to push you too far and have to clean up undigested pizza out of the carpet. At least not tonight."

Cal shrugs. "I'll be fine, at least this time. I promise." Leo looked unsure, but in the end he sat down behind Cal again and started to slowly rub his hands over the mass of Cal's distended midsection once again.

Truthfully, Cal was still pretty sensitive, and the light brush of Leo's hands felt like a very comfortable massage. "Alright, Cal. I'll do this, but I want you to tell me if it's getting uncomfortable, and we can stop. Don't make me feed you until you puke, that's gross". Cal chuckled, "I won't puke if you make sure to rub my tummy!" Leo sighed as he got up to grab the last box of pizza. "Alright but I'm grabbing the trash can just in case. Get comfy, Cal".

Cal held his still quite full belly, realizing now just how bloated he was, how his sweatshirt stretched to fit over his overstuffed stomach. He carried its weight in his hands as he shifted over to one side of the couch, propping himself up against a pillow on the armrest, letting out a low airy belch as he did so. He called out to Leo "Hey grab some more soda too, I'm thirsty!"

Cal shifted slightly as he settled in on the couch, his legs stretched out in front of him. To Leo, he almost looked like he was getting ready to watch television rather than stuff himself full of greasy, processed pizza for his friend's enjoyment. Leo walked into the room holding the box and a 2-liter bottle of orange soda. He sat down beside Cal in the same manner, making as little noise as possible while he settled. The air was thick with anticipation - both boys knew what was about to happen, but neither of them dared acknowledge it outright. Cal decided to break the awkward silence and be the first to step up, lord knows Leo won't.

Cal reaches for the box to grab a slice, but his round bloated tummy is preventing him from bending that far. He recoils and grabs his stomach, "oof.. oough.. I don't think I can keep leaning down and over to grab slices.. you're gonna have to feed 'em to me.."

Leo blushed, flustered, as if this isn't exactly what they had both agreed and planned to do mere seconds ago.

He was about to be the one to fill up Cal, and he wanted to do a good job. He held the slice up to the eager boy in front of him, sitting between his legs and reaching over his hard bloated tummy. His crotch just about touching Cal's as he sat there on the couch between his legs and overstuffed stomach. Cal looked at him hungrily.

"O-open wide," Leo says quietly, holding the greasy slice of pizza toward Cal's mouth. Cal, his expression eager and expectant, opens his mouth taking a large bite. His chewing speed slower than before. His stomach was already packed full, it was a struggle to force himself to choke down even MORE food, but he was determined to try. He chewed more thoroughly, as if his body was trying to delay the inevitable. He grunted and a small burp slipped out though his full mouth while he chewed. He really was stuffed to the brim. He swallows, and continues this process until the slice is gone. He looks to Leo for more.

"Another" he says, his mouth still full of his previous bite. Leo pushes the next slice close to Cal's mouth wearily "You look really full, dude. Your tummy feels tight as a drum.." Leo mumbled as he gently rubbed around the warm surface of the sweatshirt, massaging the churning belly underneath. Cal chews and swallows, before cringing, and speaking up "urgh.. wait.." Leo froze cautiously as Cal continued "..I'm thirsty, hand me the soda." Leo rolled his eyes as Cal chugged down a few gulps of the fizzy soda, resulting in almost IMMEDIATE burping.

After this, Leo was sure Cal would be finished, but alas..

"…and more," Cal commands after his belch-break, swallowing and panting as Leo continues rubbing his belly gently. A low moan escapes his lips, his gaze glued to Leo. The bulge under his tight stretchy sweatshirt shifting slightly from his breathing. Leo was getting ready to reach for another slice when Cal groaned "Wait, just a second.. for real this time.. hng.. cramp. My tummy…" both his hands flew to his belly which was rumbling ominously. His hands moved upwards to his chest as they were quickly replaced with Leo's, "We can stop now if you want, you look like you're gonna burst!"

Cal shook his head in protest, "Just a cramp, just need a break.." Leo felt the sickly churning through the sweatshirt as he rubbed it, and without even pushing, a bubbly fart escaped from Cal's behind, rumbling on Leo's crotch right in front of it. Leo winced "Oh that smells terrible.. somethings up in your belly, I think you should-" Cal interrupted Leo, "another slice!"

It was quite full in there and this whole thing was making Cal feel hot, uncomfortable, sick, and horny all at once. "Ooh, man… my stomach is just.. bulging with all this." He took the remaining crust and devoured it in a single huge mouthful. He paused for a moment, the weight of the food in his stomach shifting as he let out a stream of airy farts, every single one preceded with a vibrating rumble from his belly. "*Pfffft*… *pfffffttttt*.. oh god.. *buurp* oh- *pffft*…*pfftt*… *prrt*.. fuck.. Im sorry, I can't even stop it." Cal said. Leo held the last slice of pizza in his hand, "okay… last slice… don't pop, man.."

Cal's stomach bulged obscenely inside his snug sweatshirt as he ate the last slice of pizza. He was in such a state that when his mouth was busy chewing, several burps forced themselves free through his nose in rapid succession. He moaned after each one. Leo didn't seem to mind, though, he just stared at Cal with eyes half-lidded and a bulge full-mast. He was practically shaking at this point, Leo felt his heat radiating onto the poor stuffed boy. Cal's stomach, already full and distended from the prior intake and now the last slice was working overtime to digest said pizza. His body was heating up from all the churning. Leo could feel every bit of it, his crotch was also getting hot.

Cal was sweating. He looked almost delirious from pleasure- and pain. His face was flushed, his eyes glassy. Leo comforts him as he finishes chewing and swallows, his stomach rumbles again. Cal tilted his head back, trying to relax his cramped muscles. A long wet burp shot out of his mouth before he had time to react, and he moaned aloud. Leo, worried, suggests "Hey maybe you should.. take your sweatshirt off. You seem really hot, like you're sweating. That has to be making you even more nauseous.." Cal groaned, hiccuped and replied "y-yeah. Guhhh… gonna.. take it off.." he weakly pulled at the zipper, struggling to get it over the bump of his aching belly. He whimpered as dangerous toots slid out. Once the zipper got over the curve of his belly, it practically unzipped itself the rest of the way down on its own. He wiggled his arms out and Leo helped toss the sweatshirt to the side. Cal was just in a thin elastic tank top now. He whined "m- *muuurp* shit, my belly hurts.. so full.. *frrtt..phhhtttrrft*… hng, *bur-URP*- ugh! I don't feel good.."

Leo was rubbing faster now. Another fart, another groan. The smell was intense and made Leo's eyes water. Cal's eyes werent any better, they were glazed over, his head lolled back he let out a silent puff of air from his mouth, his belches were getting risky, some of them he was forced to swallow down to avoid anything else other than air coming up, and he only had the tingle in the back of his throat to warn him. His stomach churned angrily, gurgling and undulating in time with Leo's rubbing. His belly was still distended and full, his white tank-top riding up just above his belly button. Leo listened as Cal's stomach emitted queasy grumbles and overpacked noises that would eventually be desperately released through either end. "I told you you were gonna feel sick, dude.. you look 8 months pregnant"

Cal laughed "I sure feel like it…. *hic-bRUUUP* mnnppph god… how am I supposed to walk after this? I think I'm *hic* too bloated for my own good. Ooooh… nnnngh.. and it feels like my stomach is doing an impression of a washing machine. *UURRRPPPP* oh- don't stop rubbing.. or.. I'm gonna have a premature birth!" Leo couldn't help but laugh. Cal turned his head and looked up. They locked eyes a moment as Leo was rubbing a sensitive spot just above Cal's belly button.

Leo's eyes widened as he blushed and unconsciously grinded his hips into Cal's crotch in front of him. His breath was hot and fast. Cal noticed, and warned his friend "My tummy hurts.. I feel so gassy, I think I need to fart.. uhm.. I'm not gonna *hic* warn you anymore, mostly because I don't think I can hold in anything anymore.." Leo never broke eye contact "That's okay, you're like a blimp. Let it all out, I'd rather you gas the place up than shit your pants on me".

Cal smiled and went to laugh before he was cut off by a sick burp, followed by a stream of wet, shorter burps.

Leo looked like he had gotten exactly what he wished for and more. In the face of a belching, gassy Cal he remained undaunted. He had a gleam in his eyes and a bulge in his pants that were both growing by the second. Cal was so full that he needed more than Leo's hand rubbing him. His own two fists were working him over in between big belchy moans and groans. His stomach was grumbling ominously, begging to get it over with sooner rather than later. "*bUUUURRRRRP* ooohh.. I feel queasy.." his statement punctuated by short, painful, but constant little farts as his stomach fought with the contents inside of it.

"Your tummy is gonna feel so much better after this, Cal." Leo said, rubbing and humping with more vigor, the rubbing on both Cal's belly and.. elsewhere.. helping things move along inside of him. Leo is on his knees, rubbing Cal's distended belly with both hands, spreading Cal's legs apart with his own as he worked. Cal's own hands were working higher up on his own gut, massaging and kneading. His belly was an air filled balloon ready to burst. Cal lets out a low moan and squirms as another deep and wet burp erupts. All the while, Cal could feel tingles of pleasure building up in his bloated guts, but the queasy, sick feeling was still going strong. This whole thing was making him feel strange and oddly arousing in a way he'd never felt before.

Leo saw the look on his friend's face and his hands gripped his swollen tummy. "It's okay, mnff... you can... let it happen... anytime."

Cal nodded, his hands rubbing his engorged belly in time with Leo's rhythm, as the blonde boy sacrificed a hand from belly rubbing duty to help keep himself steady above Cal.

Cal grunted as he continued massaging his distended gut. Leo's other rubbing was growing much more intense now. He was almost shaking Cal as he did so. Cal's mouth hung open and he was moaning with a slightly desperate tone. "Come on, dude.. hurry it up.. I'm so…" his moan was cut off by another wet belch. His body shook with the force of it and he clenched his teeth in an effort to relax and hold back the next one. It was no use. Another belch, and another, and another, with rapid, short gaps in between. Leo was now the one groaning, reaching his peak. "I'm.. unf.. hah.. Cal, I'm close… just hold on.." Leo was delirious with pleasure he'd only ever dreamed of experiencing.

Cal felt his body both nauseously ache at one part and throb with desire in another. An unusual mix that left him feeling like he was gonna puke regardless. He got himself into this willingly though, and has nobody to blame but himself, and he certainly doesn't wanna ruin Leo's night. He whines and puts all his focus into keeping his food inside of him.

Cal was struggling as he massaged his distended belly in time with his buddy's increasingly feverish rubbing. He let out a long, wet belch, "Hnnnnnnnghhhh my god, my stomach is so… *huuu-UUrrrpppp*- so full, I'm… I'm gonna be so sick."

Leo was getting close, very close, and he could feel his friend's stomach and other… parts… tensing up as he got ready to finish. Leo was breathing almost as hard as Cal at this point, gripping the stuffed boy's thigh with his one hand and holding himself steady with the other, trying not to jostle his buddy's tummy.

Leo is panting like a dog, his face bright red with effort and excitement. His body was flushed and his breath was heavy with the scent of the pizza they ate. Sweat trickled down his temples and forehead as he finally finished.

Suddenly, Cal lets out another long belch as all of that food starts moving again like a train. His stomach rumbles in discomfort at the pace Leo was pushing things along, but there's no stopping or slowing it now.

Cal's face grows more and more flushed as he moans and tries to keep his guts in its place. Leo rides out his climax, barely even worrying about how he's ruined his underwear in the process.

Snapping back to reality, he realized the true state that Cal was in and swiftly grabbed the trash can, "f-fuck. I'm sorry dude. You're gonna be okay. Just let it out, don't worry about accidents, I have the trash right here.. hold on.." he shifted Cal over slightly so that if any… spilling.. happened it would be in the trash can instead of on the floor. Cal's stomach was round and rock hard, the contents inside swirling like a greasy, bubbly storm. The movement caused a rancid fart to seep out slowly from Cal, the smell making him feel even more sick.

"Ugh.. god, *hic-HURP-" Leo… I'm so full…" the smell was terrible, the pizza obviously having not digested properly. Cal tried to hold on. But he couldn't hold it in for much longer. His hands resting on the impossibly bloated tummy that lay heavily in his lap.

Between queasy, wet, uncontrollable belches that forced their way out of his system, he tried to apologize "Leo.. grrrroowl ungh.. you w- *UUUR*ere right. It was too *urp* much.. fuck! *bruuuup.. burrp.. hurp* gah.. I should have listened.. to you…" he just couldn't stand the pressure anymore and stopped trying to speak when a series of loud, wet belches forced their way out of him. The distended mass in his belly seemed to vibrate and throb in rhythm with his digestive noises.

Leo tried to reassure him, "It's okay, I shouldn't have gone along with it.. we were both caught up in the moment, just breathe.." Cal gasped for air in between belches. "Ohhh fuu-*URP*… I'm gonna… gurggl*urp* Ughhhnnn…!" Cal couldn't hold it in anymore. His full belly convulsed as the undigested remains of the greasy pizza seamlessly flowed out of his mouth. He didn't even get the chance to burp again before a second wave brought up even more. As soon as he could, Cal cried out and gasped for air… before promptly being sick once more.

It dribbled into the trashcan as Cal struggled to remain upright on the couch; he was so sick. After the first few times, every heave was followed by a long, wet belch, the air that had been mixing with everything coming up in between. Cal gripped Leo's arms tightly as his stomach cramped and growled and heaved, the force of which made his whole body jerk and shake.

Cal was too nauseated to even protest being held and rubbed by Leo as he continued to puke. As sick and unpleasant as it was, Cal felt oddly grateful. Cal continued to vomit, his face flushed and heaving as more wet belches spewed out of his mouth. "Ughhh… *hic* I'm not done.. *gurp* I know I'm not.. god I ate so much!" The next few waves felt almost like they would never pass as Cal struggled in pain, and pleasure from relief. Leo almost felt sick himself seeing just how much came up, thinking of how much went IN and how full Cal was. Cal's eyes began to look droopy as he felt his mind slipping away. He definitely reached his limit tonight. He was still sick, but moreso spitting up in the trashcan and gagging than full on vomiting anymore. His mind cleared up just enough to make a mental note to himself: 4 whole pizzas over the course of one night. That was his limit.

Leo, feeling queasy himself from having to witness Cal spewing inches away from him still let Cal rest his head on his lap, trying to avoid laying on his stomach or adding any nore pressure to it. He looked down at his friend, face flush, skin glistening with sweat, nose running, exhausted from the exertion. He couldn't imagine being in his shoes, but at least he could help him, even if it meant cleaning up the result.

"Are you okay, Cal? Do you think you're done?" Leo asked, stroking the hair out of Cal's eyes that were already starting to close. "Maybe… *hic* .. I'm getting sleepy." He mumbled, resting his head further into Leo's lap. Leo would enjoy this a lot more if his lap wasn't uncomfortably hot and sweaty, and parts of it wet and sticky inside from using them as friction to help bring him to his release earlier.

He grabbed a pillow from behind him and carefully moved it under Cal's head as he slipped out from underneath his sore, sleepy buddy. "I'm gonna go empty the trash can, I'm gonna run to the dumpster, I'll be like 5 minutes MAX, do you think you'll be fine until I get back?" Cal hummed "mmhmm.. *hic* I feel so much better… that needed to come out so bad…. oh my god I really overdid it…"

This experience, as repulsive as it sounded, was far from unpleasant to Cal. His body was still slick with sweat and fluids, and his stomach felt sore, but the relief of having gotten everything out was more than worth it to him. He didn't even mind being held and rubbed as his body expelled the contents of what he had eaten with such gluttony. He felt bad for involving Leo in it, if anything.

Cal sighed as he settled more into the pillow beneath him. His stomach still churned routinely, but he no longer felt dizzy with nausea, and he was once again in that familiar state of just being very, very full. He was in a pretty comfortable position though, it had to be said. His body felt oddly relaxed and yet, his stomach was still swollen and achy. He felt lighter, like his body had been cleansed. He also felt something… else. He turned his head as much as he could without moving his body. His eyes were drooped as his gaze was stuck forward, fixated on the doorway that Leo was to return from. After a few minutes he heard footsteps. He tried to force himself awake out of a half-sleep. "Leo?…" he tried to ask, but with the way his head was positioned and how sleepy he was, he only managed to croak out a few barely audible words.

"Leo? you back?"

Leo returned from outside the apartment door, the trashcan now empty and the trashbag inside replaced. He set it down and sighed as he crouched down to be level with Cal, who was still laying on the couch with his head against the pillow. "You awake?" He gently wiped the sweat off of Cal's forehead. Cal smiled sleepily. "Mm… sort of.. uhm. how are you feeling about this whole thing?" Cal was referring to both the pizza and their rather intimate session as a result.

Leo thought for a moment "Hm.. I feel tired, but probably not as tired as you." There was a pause before he continued "…I don't want you to feel bad, if I was in your position I think I would be so embarrassed that I would die.. I wanna be all 'I told you so' but that can wait."

Cal laughed in the form of exhaling through his nose. He understood. Leo kept talking, "I could have lived without you puking your guts out, that kind of ruined it.."

Cal was awake but still dazed enough to not think twice before speaking, "but you came, right?". Leo blushed. Cal was always so straightforward about these things. "Uh. Y-yeah. Absolutely I did. It was immediately cancelled out within like a minute, but up until then… I think I liked it." Cal grinned. "I liked it too. I mean, I definitely hated it at some moments, specifically the ones where I was barfing, but that's over now and I'm not past-me so overall I count it as a success. I found my limit!" Leo grimaced "You sure did.."

Cal continued "and I wouldn't have pushed myself to even go that far without you!"

Leo resisted the urge to lightly shove his friend in fear that he might jostle him too much. "Then maybe I shouldn't have, if this is what happens when I feed you and help you then maybe I'll just stick to watching you gobble down pizza from afar like I used to" Cal giggled. "Well now you don't have to, because my limit is 4 boxes of pizza, just never push me beyond that! Easy math!"

Leo shook his head "I just gotta say.. if this is like a yearly thing or maybe even a once-a-month thing I would be more than happy to help you push your limits.. but now that you know the result I'm not sure about 4.. maybe 1…" Cal playfully groaned "ughhh fine!", then laughed and then turned his head to face Leo. He was smiling as he looked at his friend while trying to keep his eyes open. "Hey, Leo.. thanks for indulging me. You're always there for me and I don't know if I thank you enough for it." Leo shook his head, "Don't worry about it. Thank you for not judging me. You're never afraid to be yourself and you make me want to do the same."

The two fell asleep in the living room, Cal on the couch, and Leo on the floor. They grew much closer that day, and their bond will forever be strengthened, all thanks to surplus pizza.

[babybluebex]

ok wait but now imagining paul not so subtly trying to get dom to ask out costar!you 😭😭 like imagine dom's just too nervous to ask you out to dinner or something after wrapping up a scene and paul's like 😒 and ASKS FOR DOM 💀 so paul going "hey, dom invited me out for dinner, which of course i'm flattered, but im a bit too old for him.....you should take my place!" and dom in the background looking absolutely mortified. cue confused reader !!

i also have been hallucinating this one small moment where you finished filming a bit later in the day compared to dom so you didn't get to eat yet. you show up to your trailer and see dom and he's like "finally im starving! burgers or pizza?" and you're like "girl what." and he's like "you haven't eaten yet and i wanted to eat with you" and you're just like "WHAT!" (🥹) and he's like "so pizza AND burgers?"

idk i need to go to sleep.

ugh my FAV idea is paul and da'vine watching you two being IDIOTS who don't see that you're falling for each other, and you tell da'vine how much you like dom but you're too nervous to say anything, and dom tells paul that he doesn't think he's good enough for you, and paul and da'vine collude to get yall together bc CLEARLY yall aren't gonna do it on your own

just little things at first, filming a scene outside and paul mumbles to dom "she looks cold... maybe you oughta give her your scarf" and dom does it without hesitation, and you smile at dom and paul is like success, or you and da'vine are cooking (bc ALL THE FOOD IN THE MOVIE WAS REAL AND AT LEAST PARTIALLY COOKED BY DA'VINE) and she "accidentally" overcooks a pan of brownies, and she says "go give them to the boy, he'll eat em" and you do, and dom is all red in the face and adores the gesture, and da'vine is back in the kitchen thinking like those kids are SO dumb

and it escalates in their poking and prodding, and dom tells paul one night "i just— i've never had any luck with girls" and paul is like "jesus christ, kid, see the writing on the wall! for the past six weeks, you've been worshiping this girl and she's been the same, and we wrap in a week, either ask her to dinner or shut up about it!" and he settles down and goes "sorry, that was mean. what i meant was—" but the snap of reality was exactly what dom needed to get off his ass, and he goes and finds you that very moment, and you're sitting chatting with da'vine, and you smile at dom as he enters the room "hey man! what's up?" and you notice his red cheeks and the intense look on his face, and you start to ask what's the matter, but he beats you to it, grabbing your face and kissing you, and you initially push him away "what the hell?" and he just all in one breath says "i think you're really beautiful and you're funny and silly but so caring and passionate, you take care of me even when you don't need to, because why would you need to, i'm a grown man, i can take care of myself, but i love the way you play with my hair and fall asleep on my shoulder during movie night, and we wrap in a week and i don't think i could live with myself if i didn't at least tell you how i feel, and paul says you feel the same way, and i usually believe whatever he says without hesitating, but i sorta worry he's wrong about it, so—" and you kiss him again to keep him quiet and you can't see her behind you, but da'vine is grinning bc fucking finally

and dom is a SWEETHEART when it comes to that second part. you had to film a scene that went on longer than expected, and dom has been wrapped for the day for a while, and the shoes you wore for the scene hurt your feet and you're tired and your body hurts and you just wanna lay down, and you get to your trailer and see the light on inside when you know you left the light off that morning, and you go in, and dom's got it all set up for you, an ocean of blankets on the couch and a pizza on your counter, and he's on the couch, remote in hand, navigating thru netflix, and you're like "the fuck is this?" and he's all puppy eyes at you "i knew you had a hard day, so i wanted to... i don't know, make it easy or something. i got your favorite pizza, and i washed these blankets so they smell nice and they just came out the dryer so they're still warm, and i'm trying to find that show you like but i can't find it, how do you spell 'derry'" and your face crumples up as you start to cry, and dom's face goes WHITE and he shoots up "oh god, i'm sorry, what did i do?" and he comes over and gingerly hugs you, and you cry into his neck and can barely gasp out "n-nothing's wrong, i-i'm just tired!" and he shushes you "maybe a little hangry too?" and you just "mhm" into his skin "that's what i thought, honey, c'mon sit down, i've got you" and that makes you cry harder and he's just sorta "... i'm really bad with girls, do you want me to let go and kick rocks, or..." and you just whimper "i've never had a boyfriend be so nice to me" and dom feels his heart shatter "jesus, really? what sorta guys have you been dating? cuz i— look at me, baby, look into my eyes— i like you. a whole lot. but i care about you too, and i care about the fact that you feel like shit and had a bad day, and because i like you so much and i care about you, i just wanna... just wanna make sure you're ok. ok?" and you sniffle and nod, and he ducks his head to get his face in your lowered eyeline "ok??" and you sorta huff out a laugh "oh, c'mon, you can do better than that. i'm not letting go of you until you give me a real laugh. even if it's fake, pretend it's real" and you roll your eyes and he sorta shakes you "c'mon, you can do it. or do i need to start singing at you? because i can!" and you start to slink away from him, but he pulls you in close and kisses your head "go get into some pjs, i brought one of my shirts for you to wear, it's on your bed with those sweatpants you wear all the time" and by the time you get changed and grab a slice of pizza and get settled on the couch in dom's arms, you realize he's not eating "you're not hungry?" "nah not really..." and it's only after you're full that he reveals the truth to you "i haven't eaten all day. i wanted you to eat all you wanted and not have to worry about me :)"

[failureface]

thoughts on "Welcome Home, Franklin"

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

Okay, this special was really great.

I love Franklin. He's a sweet boy who never had a unkind thing to say about Charlie Brown- he was the straight man to the wacky antics of the Peanuts gang. But I never got the feeling he was more than that in the strips. This special serves as the backstory and character that Franklin didn't originally get, but sorely needed.

And this special beautifully and gracefully rights some of the wrongs that past Peanuts media made.

I was surprised this film even went there in terms of discussing racism a little. Peanuts is an IP that you expect people to be overly-protective of. 'No, the scene in "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" isn't racist- and it's NOT weird that all the kids are white' is more of what I expected to hear from this. But refreshingly, this special addresses it. Like, YEAH, there IS a lack of diversity! It feels so much better for that stuff to be acknowledged rather than swept under the rug.

I love the fact that Franklin is unsure of himself and his ability to make friends. This makes him super relatable and sympathetic, and also makes a clear connection to why he gravitates towards Charlie Brown. The two of them bond over their shared feeling of being "the Underdog", and not knowing how to make friends or navigate social landscapes. Franklin also opens up Charlie Brown to new experiences and knowledge, telling him about discrimination and introducing him to music he hasn't heard before. Not only that, but Franklin encourages Charlie Brown to be less anxious and push himself further. And Charlie Brown is a much needed friend and sympathetic ear for Franklin. They have each other's back and their bond is undeniable.

That's what this special is truly trying to get at. That friends of different backgrounds and experiences from us can help us to learn and grow as people. I think that's a really wonderful message and one that we all need at any age, and one that we especially need now.

Overall, this special really blew it out of the water, and I gave it five stars.

Special shoutout if you were able to make it to the premiere stream in the Peanuts discord, that made it twice as fun to watch!

Some miscellaneous thoughts under the cut

Franklin's music taste is so elite

The music picks in this movie are honestly fantastic. The soundtrack really elevates the experience and every song is awesome

THE BEACH SCENE! It's so rewarding as a fan to see moments that are plucked straight from the strip. It feels like the people making them really know Peanuts

All the little tiny schrucy crumbs- I eat it up. I know screenshots and gifs will be made and posted and I will be reblogging them.

Lucy and Franklin's beef- I wasn't expecting it but it's so funny and adds some really great dynamics into the fold

Since this is about the friendship between Charlie Brown and Franklin specifically, minor inaccuracies Franklin actually being on Peppermint Patty's baseball team in the strip are forgiven. Some fans more scrupulous than I would probably have an issue with this, but I'm not one of those fans. This isn't 100% faithful to Peanuts Lore but I don't mind.

I LOVED the scene where Charlie Brown wants to pull the breaks and Franklin wants to keep going. It shows so much without saying anything, and it gives way for great conflict that makes sense and comes from real places within the characters

And I love how Franklin is allowed to be mad, and he and Charlie Brown fight. We're not afraid to rock the boat anymore, and it makes Franklin feel so much more human

Just the right amount of Snoopy scenes, this one reached the perfect balance of Snoopy and Story

Everything is just so overwhelmingly cute here I had to restrain myself from writing "cute" or any of its synonyms in my review

"We saved you a seat!" <3333

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 21

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: I just want to start by thanking everyone for all the love on this story so far. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. This chapter is a little heavier (as is the story going forward, but I'll include potential triggers for each chapter as relevant), so please read the TW below and only read on if you feel comfortable doing so.

Potential Trigger Warnings: mentions of depression, suicidal thoughts, domestic violence

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The days blend together in a whirlwind of rehearsals, work, and studying. The excitement for the upcoming show is palpable, but underneath it all, a sense of exhaustion lingers. I push through each long day with determination. Then one night, I stumble home after a long day, late at night. I check my mail before going up to my apartment and find a large box with my name and address on it, on the floor infront of my mailbox. Knowing the date I can only imagine what it might be. Suddenly I’m wide awake. I rush up to my apartment and dump the box on the coffee table. Knowing it could only be one person, I send him a text.

Can I open it or should I wait until tomorrow?

I wait awhile but don’t get a response. I figure he’s either asleep or in the middle of filming. I force myself to leave the box and go for a shower. Feeling warmed up and relaxed, the package falls out of my mind as I collapse into bed and fall asleep.

As I drag myself out of bed the following morning and get dressed for my shift I remember the box. I check my phone and there’s still nothing. Knowing that it’s later in the day in Vancouver, I decide to try to call him while I finish getting ready. It goes straight to his voicemail and I start to get anxious. I doublecheck the sending address on the box and it has a Vancouver address with his name, so I know at least it hasn’t even come through his management, this was all him. This makes me a little more excited, but I can’t figure out why then he’d all of a sudden be ignoring me. I try to keep a level head and tell myself he’s just busy with work. I don’t have time to dwell on it anyway. Regardless, I can’t help but dread serving loved up couples their caffeine hits for the next few hours.

I force a smile and throw on my apron as I find my rhythm. Despite my initial anxiety, I find myself getting lost in the familiar routine, the busy atmosphere providing a temporary distraction from the unanswered questions swirling in my mind. I push through and then go to my classes as usual, while avoiding checking my phone to keep myself from spiralling further unreasonably. 

As I walk home alone from the theatre, through the streets filled with loved-up couples, I try to feel happy for them while I hope that maybe next year I’ll have someone to share it with. As I approach my building I see someone sitting on the ground infront of the glass doors with their head on their knees. My heart races a little as I worry it could be someone looking for a way to sneak into the complex; I’ve seen stranger things happen in the city, unfortunately. The scene also reminds me of the time I sat in that exact position when Tyler first kicked me out of the apartment. I can’t imagine someone going through those same emotions on Valentines of all days, but for my own safety and the safety of others in the building I hope it’s the latter.

As I get closer, I can tell it’s a young girl. I think about walking past, but then I think about the immense difference it would have made if someone stopped when I was in her position. I clasp my keys in my palm as I crouch down beside her. 

“Hey, are you alright?” I ask, but she just shakes her head. “I know Valentines Day can be rough. Do you at least have somewhere to go? It’s too cold to stay out here.” She shakes her head again as her whole body shakes as she lets out a small sob. “I obviously don’t know you or what happened, but I’ve sat where you’re sitting…If you want to talk about it or just be around someone and not talk about it…” She shakes her head again. “You should at least come into the lobby, out of the cold night air.” When she still refuses to move I shrug off my jacket and wrap it around her. I feel my phone vibrate in my bag, but ignore it. While she’s refusing to talk, I know from experience that she shouldn’t be alone.

I sit on the pavement beside her under the dim streetlights in silence. When I start to shiver involuntarily she offers my jacket back. “You should go inside and stay warm. Don’t stay out here because of me. I’m obviously not worth it.” 

Hearing words so similar to ones I’ve said myself breaks my heart. “Only if you’ll let me call you a ride or bring you in. You won’t believe me, but I’ve had those exact thoughts. I don’t think you should be alone tonight.” I know it must be extremely hard for her to trust a stranger but I hope I can at least get her somewhere safe and warm.

My phone vibrates again, this time with a call. I ignore it. I don’t want this girl to think anyone or anything is more important than her. 

After a while, when she realises I’m not going anywhere, she says, “There’s no one to call…I-I was stupid.”

“I’m sure you weren’t. I’m sure you are just young and optimistic and caught in terrible circumstances beyond your control. But you likely won’t believe me, because I know I wouldn’t have. I haven’t got much to offer, but I do have an apartment with a fireplace and a comfortable couch and bed, you can have whichever.”

“I don’t-”

“It’s no problem. I just want to get you off the street for the night and I don’t imagine you can afford a hotel in the city, not to make assumptions, I just know how expensive it can be out here.”

My phone starts to buzz again and she sinks back. “You should get that.”

“They can wait. It’s probably just my mom checking because she knows how hard Valentines can be for me.” I don’t want to push too hard but I know it’s only getting later and colder and neither of us are making the most of my jacket now. I stand up and swipe my keyfob over the scanner. “At least come into the lobby, I’m happy to stay down here with you or bring you a blanket. Just come out of the cold.”

She hesitantly nods and pushes herself off the cold concrete. I lead her into the lobby. “You can come up with me or I can bring you down a blanket. It’s up to you. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, I just want you to be warm and safe. And know that you’re not alone.”

“She looks around the bare, unhomely lobby and quietly asks, “C-Can I come up with you?”

“Of course.” I press the button for the lift and step back. When we get in, I notice she doesn’t even have a bag with her, just a phone that appears to be flat. I lead her into my apartment and quickly turn the lights on and start the fireplace. “The bathroom’s through there,” I motion towards my room, “If you want to have a warm shower or wash your face. The bedroom’s also in there if you’d prefer, or the couch.” I do my best to make her feel comfortable as I kick off my shoes and put down my bag. I also toss the now wilted roses in the bin, after pocketing the card. 

“They from your boyfriend? Does that mean it gets better?” she asks.

“It’s complicated, but yes, it does get better. It may take a while, but this moment doesn’t define you. Your life is so much more than your worst nights.”

She hesitantly takes a seat on the couch to warm up by the fire and I pull over a stool. “Y-You said you sat were I sat…C-Can I ask what happened?”

I nod. “My boyfriend at the time cheated on me in this very apartment. I came home from work and caught him in our bed with some girl her met at a bar. Same way he met me, ironically. He was a few years older. There were plenty of red flags I ignored. But it hurt for a long time. I am just lucky to have a great friend that helped me pull through the worst of it and keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

“He cheated with you here? And you stayed?”

“Yeah, crazy, right? I had a job here and classes and a friend and dreams. All of which were more important than a guy I moved across the country with on a whim. He went back to our home state and left me the apartment…and all the bills. I thought about trying to leave, but the location was perfect and the rent was cheaper than other places. I did get a new bed though. I threw out the bedding and sold the frame; there was nothing wrong with it, just that I couldn’t get the image of her gripping the headboard while he took her from behind, out of my head.”

“I’m sorry…”

I shake my head and shrug. “He was a dick. I’m just glad I didn’t let it break me. I almost did, and those thoughts resurface now and again, but I’m stronger for it. I know that now. I only realized that recently, actually…It’s these experiences that will eventually help you realize your worth.”

“He-He still has all my stuff. He begged me to forgive him…He-He wouldn’t let me…” I look her over as she speaks and notice she’s still cold. I reach over and pull the blanket off the back of the couch and offer it to her. She wraps it around herself and cuddles it close to her chest. That’s when I notice light purple bruises on her wrists.

“Did he?” I nod at her wrists and she hides them under the blanket. But then she nods.

“You can stay here as long as you need. I have a friend that works as a security guard, I can ask him to come over and help get your stuff tomorrow…Or we can go out and get you whatever you need.”

“He only does it when he’s…I provoke him…It’s my fault.”

I shake my head, knowing those feelings all too well. “Yeah? What’d you do?”

She shakes her head back and throws off the blanket. “It was my fault. I should go back. He’ll be mad if I-”

“I can’t and won’t stop you if you want to go. But I wish you wouldn’t. Just take the night. Get some sleep and think it over.”

She hesitantly pulls the blanket back on as she starts to cry again. “I-I just…I just wanted to go out. It was my first Valentines Day in a relationship…And in the city…I j-just…I-I shouldn’t…I know…”

“Hey, Sweetie. It’s okay to want those things. And every girl deserves that. Your man should want to take you out and show you a good time; not just on Valentines, but every day. But most of all, he shouldn’t ever hurt you. You’re not his punching bag.”

“He didn’t…He just-” My phone vibrates noisily on the counter cutting her off. “C-can I use the bathroom?”

“Of course. Let me know if you want to borrow some clean clothes. I should have something that should fit.”

“I’m okay. Thanks.” She quietly gets up and goes into the bathroom. I listen for the shower to turn on before I get up and check my phone: 15 texts and 3 missed calls from Jensen. I sigh and call him back without opening the messages.

“Thank God, you’re alive at least!”

“Me? You ignored me first.”

“I was working.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“At one in the morning? I know you get on the subway around eleven thirty, you always text when you get home. I didn’t hear from you. Jared only just talked me out of calling the police for a wellness check.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just…Something came up. I can’t talk about it right now. But I’m home and I’m safe. And I’ll call you tomorrow.”

He sighs. “Well, happy Valentines for yesterday, I guess…”

“Don’t be like that. I texted you last night and called you first thing this morning. You didn’t answer. We’re both busy. I had to accept that, so do you. And I really am busy at the moment. I will call you and explain when I can.”

“Someone more important, huh? Some guy from the show?”

I instantly tear up at his implication. “You know what? Screw you, Jensen. You know what I’ve been through and you really think I’d do that to you? Screw you.” I hang up before he can make any excuses and wipe my eyes hastily to appear strong for the girl who needs me. He instantly tries to call me back but I flick my phone to silent and plug it in to charge. I grab a change of clothes and knock lightly on the bathroom door. 

“Hey, it’s just me. I have some clothes here if you want them.” I wait a few seconds, but when I don’t get a response I put my hand on the doorknob. “I’m sorry, I’m coming in. Call out if you don’t want me to.” I don’t get a response so I push the door open and for the first time I’m thankful that it doesn’t have a lock.

I notice her sitting on the floor with her back against the bathtub and her head between her knees. She shakes as she cries heavily. As I get closer, I notice one of my bottles of painkillers in her hand. I let out a relieved sigh when I see the cap is still on. I twist off the water in the shower and crouch down beside her. 

“He’s not worth it…None of them are. But you are. You can have a very bright future. Focus on your dreams, what you want. If you put in the hard work, you can make it happen. I know it’s hard to believe right now, but it’s true.” I hold out my hand and she hands over the bottle. 

“What if he-What if someone saw us? What if he knows? What if he-”

“Do you wanna go somewhere else? I can call my friend and we can go somewhere else. As I said, he’s a security guard, he can protect you.”

She nods. I stand up and go get my phone and bring it back. I flip down the toilet lid and sit on it as I call Nick. I know Stella will be asleep, but I’m just hoping he’s finishing a shift. It rings a few times before he answers.

“Y/N?”

“Hey, Nick. Can you come over?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. I was just wondering if me and a…friend could come stay with you and Stella?”

“Jensen?”

I shake my head eventhough I know he can’t see me. “Nick, could you just come, please?”

“Sure. I’m on my way. Meet me downstairs?”

“Actually, could you come up? I’ll buzz you in.”

“Okay?”

“Thank you.”

He hangs up and I go back to sit with the girl. That’s when I realize I don’t even know her name. “I’m Y/N, by the way.” I try to break the tension a little to make her feel comfortable, “I can’t believe I forgot to introduce myself.”

“Anna.”

“Nice to meet you, Anna. My friend’s gonna come here and take us back to him and his wife’s place. They live over in Manhattan. They’re both really nice. Stella is the one I was telling you about that helped me when I was going through my worst. You’ll be safe there.”

“W-will you c-come?”

“Of course. I won’t leave you.”

“I’m sorry I wasted your water and went through your stuff.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay. But I need you to tell me the truth, did you take any? I don’t mind, I’m just worried about you.”

She shakes her head. “I-I couldn’t…I couldn’t do it.”

“Well, I’m glad.”

She hangs her head again. “Todd’s gonna be so angry…”

I try my best to stifle a laugh, “Really? Todd? That’s his name?” She nods. “That’ll do it.” She looks up confused. “I’m sorry. It’s just in my experience, guy’s with T-names are the worse. The guy that cheated on me? Tyler…and also, Trent, before that.”

“Two guys?”

“What idiot falls for it twice, right? That’s why I want to help you now. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Don’t let it become a pattern. Let him be your one and only lesson. Realize your worth now.” I hear the buzzer from the intercom near the door. I stand up and hold my hand out. “My friend’s here, let’s go back out where it’s warmer.”

She slowly takes my hand and lets me pull her up and lead her back to the couch. I only leave her for a few seconds while I buzz Nick up and then let him in. Being already on edge he scans the apartment and instantly spots Anna. 

He leans close and lowly says, “There’s some frantic guy in the lobby. I don’t think you should go anywhere. I’ll stay here.”

I nod in understanding and introduce him and Anna. I gently explain the change of plans and urge her to take my bed. She argues, claiming that she should go down and check if it’s him and calm him down. But Nick and I dissuade her. In the end, she says she doesn’t want to be alone, so I lay down in my bed with her while Nick rests on the couch watching TV.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Taglist: @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27, @n-o-p-e-never, @deansimpalababy,

@winchesterwild78, @kr804573, @chriszgirl92, @smoothdogsgirl

@speakinvain, @deans-baby-momma, @1967winchesterimpala, @ladysparkles78

[it-happened-one-fic]

Ink and Magic-The Watchman of the Underworld

Author Notes: Part 6 of this sort of halfway non canon compliant what if with the overblots and their aftermath! A lot of what I said for part 1 counts for this section too. This isn't exactly romantic. in fact, I would say it counts as more platonic, but it certainly can be taken as shippy. This will also be a series, though the Diasomnia section won't come out until that entire matter is resolved in game. As per usual, reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!

Spoilers for Book 6: The Watchman of the Underworld!

[Heartslabyul] [Savanaclaw] [Octavinelle] [Scarabia] [Pomefiore] [Ignihyde: You're Here] [Diasomnia: To be released]

Type: Gender-neutral reader/ fic series/ Can be platonic or romantic/ fluff/ angst/ comfort/ Spoilers for Ignihyde overblot.

TW: Character death mentioned.

Word count: 1504

Vil was barely able to haul Idia and Grim up and to safety with me, Rook, and Epel, all surging forward at once to help the now-aged model as soon as we could.

 Rook managed to catch Vil as the Pomefiore housewarden stumbled, all but crumpling to his knees before Rook grasped him. Grim fell from Vil’s arms, with Epel catching him desperately. 

I reached out, wrapping my arms around Idia’s prone body, which all but fell onto me and pushed me down and toward the ground under the weight of his limp body. His armor was already fading away, though, and turning back into the dark Styx robes.

Idia himself was still out cold, but he curled almost instinctively around me, with his hands knotting themselves in the long sleeves of my robes. Smearing the dark ink that still clung to his hands in a gruesome reminder of his overblot all over the once pristine Pomefiore robes.

I strained to look around his lanky form and at Vil and Grim, but I felt myself going oddly numb as the others looked over at me. Epel’s eyes widened with alarm as the world started to blur, and I felt myself buckling under the weight of both Idia and the exhaustion that swept over me. 

“Oh no! Rook, look! They’re-!” Epel’s panicked cry was one of the last things I heard before I succumbed to the darkness without hardly any fight. All other sounds faded away until there was only silence.

But the silence was almost welcome after everything that had just occurred. I found myself glancing around the empty space nonetheless, though. Waiting for the film of Idia’s life to start, just like I knew it would.

But before there was any brilliant flash of light, I heard Idia’s solemn, quiet voice from right next to me.

By now, I knew better than to search for him; I wouldn’t be able to see him anyway. I never could find those who shared this dark world with me.

So instead, I just listened to his morose narration that came from somewhere within the darkness, “My life has been set in stone even before I was born. ‘The Island of Woe’s Gatekeeper.’ That was the path laid out for me.”

A scene flickered to life, briefly blinding me as people from Idia’s past began to talk excitedly. Slowly unraveling the mystery of what exactly had led up to Idia overblotting.

“Young Idia is truly exceptional. He excels in both magic and his studies. He’s even impressed experts with his technomatic engineering work. That boy’s a bona-fide genius.”

“It’s true. Styx’s future is in good hands.”

A bona-fide genius… Yet another weight description for someone as young as Idia seemed to be in this scene from his past.

I found myself frowning already, but it was beyond clear even without Idia’s somber, apathetic words that no one even bothered to wonder what this young genius might want to do for himself.

No one… except for maybe one.

I found myself smiling at the sight of a young Idia and another boy, the original Ortho, playing games alongside each other. It was obvious the two had been beyond close, even from just this tiny tidbit of their lives together.

The perfect image of two little boys who were each other’s favorite playmates.

It was also obvious that, even at this young age, Idia already thought highly of himself. A side effect of being a so-called ‘bona-fide genius’ I suspected.

It was jarring, though, to realize that I'd never really seen Idia smile with such genuine, innocent joy. 

I frowned slightly though as, snickering mischievously, the two boys began to sneak out as Idia’s narrated ominously. His words putting me on edge as I listened to him, “It was just childish curiosity. We wanted to go on an adventure. I didn’t think of the consequences. I didn’t know what would happen.”

My hands were soon flying to my mouth in helpless horror as everything played out in front of me. The security went down and monsters broke loose, immediately finding the two young boys. And then….

Idia didn’t have to say anything. Ortho’s panicked little voice, followed by the inhuman growl of the monster and then jarring darkness as the scene went out like a candle in a gust of wind said everything.

But he spoke anyway. His voice hollow with numbness as I slowly pulled my hands from my mouth, “I didn’t remember much after that. Ortho was already gone when I woke up.”

At first, I watched in silent, almost stunned horror as the researchers discussed what happened.

“Unbelievable… A 10-year old managed to hack into the world's most reinforced security system…”

“He was too smart for his own good. His intellect brought such tragedy about…”

“The escaped Phantom was apparently sent to the Underworld.”

“Sadly, the inevitability of the event can’t erase the tragic truth…”

 The scene shifted back to young Idia, and I felt tears start to well up in my eyes as he begged for someone to give him back his little brother. All but screaming in a raw voice that was perfectly at odds with the numb, quiet tone the Idia I knew usually spoke in.

“Give him back…. Give Ortho back to me… I want him all back… His body, his personality, his memories…. GIVE HIM BACK!!”

I felt myself going still, my eyes widening as the thoughts of the young boy played out before me, though. Almost like they were predicting the future that I’d already known would come.

…I know. If they won’t give him back, I can just make a new one….

The next thing I saw was an adolescent version of Idia introducing his creation. The new Ortho. 

This one was more stilted than the one I got to know, as it spoke in an undeniably robotic, monotone voice and recommended rest as the adolescent Idia broke down in tears.

A part of me wanted to reassure him. Tell him how much further he’d come and how the Ortho I knew couldn’t just be written of a robot. Not when he was so real.

But I knew it wouldn’t help. Not only could I not speak to him, it was obvious that he already knew perfectly well that no matter how groundbreaking this Ortho was, it couldn’t change the past.

His brother had died.

Slowly but surely, everything began to fade back into a darkness that, now, after having seen all of that, felt comforting. 

Soon the only thing present in this abyss was Idia’s voice. Lamenting his past choices with an apathy that practically had me wincing. 

Had he been this unenthused about everything… about his very life, ever since the tragedy of his youth? The only sign of emotion, of the pain that I now knew rested deep beneath it all in his memories and guilt, was the way his voice faltered and he corrected himself.

“How did things end up this way? I just … We just… We just wanted to be like everyone else.”

Even now, he was bearing far more than what he himself wanted. He also bore Ortho’s wishes with him, never forgetting his brother’s dreams, just as he never ceased in blaming himself for his brother’s untimely death.

I still couldn’t agree with his choices, but I did understand them now. I had no doubts that everything me and everyone else had just gone through was rooted in the wish to give his brother another chance to realize his own dream.

I opened my eyes slowly, finding that I was still lying on my back from where I’d fallen. Idia was stretched out with his head resting on my stomach. His arms curled around my waist, tight enough that I doubted I could pull myself free.

He was still past out, murmuring Ortho’s name in a pained tone that had me swallowing thickly. After everything I’d seen, I understood why Idia was the way he was.

He’d gone through a tragedy, and apparently those around him had failed him. They’d let him lock himself up as he poured all his efforts and genius into recreating Ortho, even though deep down he knew he could never correct his past mistake.

I looked over to see the Pomefiore trio resting, my eyes slowly meeting Vil’s. And even despite his appearance, those amethyst of his were the same as ever.

And my heart broke a little as he smiled at my wearily before speaking in a voice that was raspy with old age that should not be, “I see you’re back.”

Rook and Epel both looked up wide-eyed as soon as he spoke. Both of them smiling in relief and standing as soon as they saw me looking at them.

I smiled slightly as I did my best not to cry simply for Vil’s sake.

But at odds with my emotions, Vil merely looked down at Idia with characteristic distaste, “Now to wake this one….”

[yujeong]

what do u think is the relevance of the black cat on tonkla? what goes on inside his head when he sees the cat?

Anon, I could talk about that damn cat all day, but my head is a mess and I can't fully put my thoughts in order. This post was the best I could do, but since you asked, I'll try to explain how I view the whole thing as coherently as I can. In very few words, the cat represents many things in relation to Tonkla: loss, powerlessness, mourning, bad luck, love, revenge and so on. Whenever the cat appears, it encompasses all of those things, some of these prevailing over others depending on the scene in question. With that said, let's take each scene and analyze it a little bit, shall we? First instance - Episode 1: Right after Korn leaves, Tonkla hears his cat meowing. The cat looks at him for a short moment, then it immediately flees to the kitchen, where it disappears before it completely turns around. (In this moment I'd like to mention how, in my opinion based on Episode 7, Tonkla's cat was probably killed near or in the kitchen. The space isn't shown clearly but it'd make sense, since 2/3 cat appearances happen close to the kitchen.) In order for us to understand what Tonkla is thinking once he sees the cat, we need to remember what happened for it to appear in the first place: Korn left to go to his dad, his actions and words reminding Tonkla that he doesn't come first. Korn, the man Tonkla loves, left him. Just like his cat did. But it's not only that.

This specific moment has stayed with me. It looks like he's reminiscing a past memory. Like he's remembering how his cat was killed, how he lost something he loved, how it was brutally taken from him. And the memory must have hurt, because he exhales, rests his head on the couch and then:

He does this. Many people, myself included, thought this was about Korn, and it very well could be, and it kind of is, but I also think it's about the cat. It's about the loss and the loneliness and how it's a constant in Tonkla's life. Second Instance - Episode 7: This time, at first the cat meows softly like before to get Tonkla's attention, but then the sound the cat makes is angrier, its gaze sharper. Now it stays there and it doesn't flee and it stares at Tonkla without fear. So, what happens this time to make the cat appear? Tonkla gets upset by Win's approach of bringing Title to justice. He feels it's not enough, like it's not the correct solution to the problem. An important detail to this moment is that we don't only hear the cat meowing. We also hear its bell ringing. The one Tonkla was holding when he pushed his father down the stairs. When he killed him. What goes on inside Tonkla's head this time is simpler to understand: the cat serves as a reminder of what he's done in the past. The realization dawns on his face, his fingers itch with it, the sink becomes his old house's floor with his father's blood smeared all over it.

"Right," he thinks. "I can take matters into my own hands. I don't have to rely on anyone else." Third Instance - Episode 7: Finally, we hear the cat and see it briefly walking by Tonkla's gun, the one he uses to shoot Great. Here, what happens before this moment to make the cat appear is interesting to me: Tonkla finds out Great and Korn are related, something he had no idea about, judging by his reaction:

And it's interesting to me because I believe that for a moment, he was conflicted:

He understood what him doing harm to Korn's brother would mean for him and for their relationship. That's why, even when the cat meows and the gun appears in the frame, he still has that face:

But of course, this doesn't last, because Tonkla understands the poetic irony of the situation. And he finds it hilarious.

That's what his smile means to me. He's not losing it, it's not a deranged expression (although it is). He just finds it all amusing and I can't really blame him. This is the moment the cat represents revenge. This is when it crosses Tonkla's mind. All the other things are still there - the loss, the pain, the loneliness, all of it - but this is what prevails in the end. Oh, and because I saw a few mentions of mental disorders floating around in regards to Tonkla seeing the cat, I'd like to end this post on a very unserious note, by adding a moment from 13 reasons why of all shows: Clay: "I don't actually see ghosts." Justin: "I get it. You wrote my paper on magical realism."

[nadiajustbe]

One of the most important problems with Miyazaki's film is not even the absence of Wales, the absence of about a dozen characters, or the rather fatfobic way the Witch of the Waste is animated, but the way Sophie's character is written. More specifically, her coping mechanisms and the way she sees and interacts with the world. Because if you remove those little details from Sophie Hatter's story, she just stops being, well, Sophie Hatter.

One of the most telling moments of this change for me is probably the scene of Sophie's reaction to Howl's tantrum in the movie. More specifically, she starts a whole monologue about how she never thought she was beautiful. And she cries.

And don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with crying as a way of releasing emotions. I am a very tearful person myself. But this is just NOT what Sophie Hatter would do.

Her reaction to certain events has a lot to do with her lifestyle and her past. Being the oldest child in a family that went through a lot of changes in a short period of time, she was a child with a certain burden of conformity on her shoulders. It's not uncommon for older children in a family to hold a certain role, a certain burden, simply because they have someone to look out for. (Megan, by the way, probably has this same problem, but more on that later. I can't deal with the character who has two lines right now). In such a role, one usually has to push one's own emotions aside in order to deal with the emotions of the younger children who need to be calmed. Fanny herself said that Sophie was great at helping her sisters when they were having tantrums, and Sophie recalled how she looked after them. It's not a maternal role, that word would be too strong, but it's definitely a role of a responsible adult.

That is why her first reaction to Howl's tantrum is to calm him down. Exploiting the problem, exploring it, telling him he's just acting out, and immediately starting to clean up the mess right after the tantrum: these are all things she learned the hard way. BUT not to cry. Because crying would be pointless here.

There's even a moments when she wants to cry but doesn't do it. Because she's in the middle of dialogue with Martha, because she wants her to believe everything is good and because that's not the actual way her true self, not the tired girl Fanny was making, is expressing her emotions.

Digging further into this hole, instead of crying, Sophie's most common reaction to a stimulus is usually anger. Harsh responses to customers in the store, constant negotiations with Howl, cutting up his suits. assertiveness, and frequent impulsiveness. Those parts of her character that she had to keep inside for so long because of her role as the "oldest" and finally, having gained freedom because of her "old age", she was able to show. She's obviously not always angry, no, she can be pretty nice and calm, but it doesn't means she can't be angry, serious or mischievous in her own way If she wants to.

If I had suddenly realized that I had fallen in love with the worst wizard in the world at the worst possible time, I would have burst into tears. But Sophie? Sophie chooses to burn half the garden with a bucket of weed killer and then throw the same weed killer at the same man.

And most importantly: NO ONE, absolutely no one, blames her for it. No one tells her to shut up, stops her from throwing the herbicide, or condemns her. On the contrary, Howl instantly starts a habitual quarrel and says something about the color of the curtains. Just because that's how she expresses herself. There is nothing wrong with crying, yes, but there is nothing wrong with being angry either.

And don't get me started on how a complex, interesting line about seeing ourselves and how the future we envision for ourselves can hold us back is turned into a simple story about a "beauty complex." Sophie Hatter's problem was never that she wasn't beautiful. Her problem was always how she saw herself and her destiny, feeling trapped in a framework that she could so easily break. Not related to her appearance, but to her destiny, her life path, her disbelief that something interesting could happen to her, that she could become someone IMPORTANT. And she breaks this belief herself. Yes, Howl's words are the final point of the end of her idea, but she doesn't need a classic romantic man to tell her that "she is beautiful". She already knows it. She is proving to herself first and foremost that she is capable of better things, even when she doesn't fully recognize it.

And by simply making her cry, you remove in one fell swoop the aspects of her character that built it.