#but i was talking about gender identity with two of my close friends

[batsinurbelfrey]

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[katrafiy]

I think about this image a lot. This is an image from the Aurat March (Women's March) in Karachi, Pakistan, on International Women's Day 2018. The women in the picture are Pakistani trans women, aka khwaja siras or hijras; one is a friend of a close friend of mine.

In the eyes of the Pakistani government and anthropologists, they're a "third gender." They're denied access to many resources that are available to cis women. Trans women in Pakistan didn't decide to be third-gendered; cis people force it on them whether they like it or not.

Western anthropologists are keen on seeing non-Western trans women as culturally constructed third genders, "neither male nor female," and often contrast them (a "legitimate" third gender accepted in its culture) with Western trans women (horrific parodies of female stereotypes).

There's a lot of smoke and mirrors and jargon used to obscure the fact that while each culture's trans women are treated as a single culturally constructed identity separate from all other trans women, cis women are treated as a universal category that can just be called "women."

Even though Pakistani aurat and German Frauen and Guatemalan mujer will generally lead extraordinarily different lives due to the differences in culture, they are universally recognized as women.

The transmisogynist will say, "Yes, but we can't ignore the way gender is culturally constructed, and hijras aren't trans women, they're a third gender. Now let's worry less about trans people and more about the rights of women in Burkina Faso."

In other words, to the transmisogynist, all cis women are women, and all trans women are something else.

"But Kat, you're not Indian or Pakistani. You're not a hijra or khwaja sira, why is this so important to you?"

Have you ever heard of the Neapolitan third gender "femminiello"? It's the term my moniker "The Femme in Yellow" is derived from, and yes, I'm Neapolitan. Shut up.

I'm going to tell you a little bit about the femminielli, and I want you to see if any of this sounds familiar. Femminielli are a third gender in Neapolitan culture of people assigned male at birth who have a feminine gender expression.

They are lauded and respected in the local culture, considered to be good omens and bringers of good luck. At festivals you'd bring a femminiello with you to go gambling, and often they would be brought in to give blessings to newborns. Noticing anything familiar yet?

Oh and also they were largely relegated to begging and sex work and were not allowed to be educated and many were homeless and lived in the back alleys of Naples, but you know we don't really like to mention that part because it sounds a lot less romantic and mystical.

And if you're sitting there, asking yourself why a an accurate description of femminiello sounds almost note for note like the same way hijras get described and talked about, then you can start to understand why that picture at the start of this post has so much meaning for me.

And you can also start to understand why I get so frustrated when I see other queer people buy into this fool notion that for some reason the transes from different cultures must never mix.

That friend I mentioned earlier is a white American trans woman. She spent years living in India, and as I recal the story the family she was staying with saw her as a white, foreign hijra and she was asked to use her magic hijra powers to bless the house she was staying in.

So when it comes to various cultural trans identities there are two ways we can look at this. We can look at things from a standpoint of expressed identity, in which case we have to preferentially choose to translate one word for the local word, or to leave it untranslated.

If we translate it, people will say we're artificially imposing an outside category (so long as it's not cis people, that's fine). If we don't, what we're implying, is that this concept doesn't exist in the target language, which suggests that it's fundamentally a different thing

A concrete example is that Serena Nanda in her 1990 and 2000 books, bent over backwards to say that Hijras are categorically NOT trans women. Lots of them are!

And Don Kulick bent over backwards in his 1998 book to say that travesti are categorically NOT trans women, even though some of the ones he cited were then and are now trans women.

The other option, is to look at practice, and talk about a community of practice of people who are AMAB, who wear women's clothing, take women's names, fulfill women's social roles, use women's language and mannerisms, etc WITHIN THEIR OWN CULTURAL CONTEXT.

This community of practice, whatever we want to call it - trans woman, hijra, transfeminine, femminiello, fairy, queen, to name just a few - can then be seen to CLEARLY be trans-national and trans-cultural in a way that is not clearly evident in the other way of looking at things.

And this is important, in my mind, because it is this axis of similarity that is serving as the basis for a growing transnational transgender rights movement, particularly in South Asia. It's why you see pictures like this one taken at the 2018 Aurat March in Karachi, Pakistan.

And it also groups rather than splits, pointing out not only points of continuity in the practices of western trans women and fa'afafines, but also between trans women in South Asia outside the hijra community, and members of the hijra community both trans women and not.

To be blunt, I'm not all that interested in the word trans woman, or the word hijra. I'm not interested in the word femminiello or the word fa'afafine.

I'm interested in the fact that when I visit India, and I meet hijras (or trans women, self-expressed) and I say I'm a trans woman, we suddenly sit together, talk about life, they ask to see American hormones and compare them to Indian hormones.

There is a shared community of practice that creates a bond between us that cis people don't have. That's not to say that we all have the exact same internal sense of self, but for the most part, we belong to the same community of practice based on life histories and behavior.

I think that's something cis people have absolutely missed - largely in an effort to artificially isolate trans women. This practice of arguing about whether a particular "third gender" label = trans women or not, also tends to artificially homogenize trans women as a group.

You see this in Kulick and Nanda, where if you read them, you could be forgiven for thinking all American trans women are white, middle class, middle-aged, and college-educated, who all follow rigid codes of behavior and surgical schedules prescribed by male physicians.

There are trans women who think of themselves as separate from cis women, as literally another kind of thing, there are trans women who think of themselves as coterminous with cis women, there are trans women who think of themselves as anything under the sun you want to imagine.

The problem is that historically, cis people have gone to tremendous lengths to destroy points of continuity in the transgender community (see everything I've cited and more), and particularly this has been an exercise in transmisogyny of grotesque levels.

The question is do you want to talk about culturally different ways of being trans, or do you want to try to create as many neatly-boxed third genders as you can to prop up transphobic theoretical frameworks? To date, people have done the latter. I'm interested in the former.

I guess what I'm really trying to say with all of this is that we're all family y'all.

[creamybeemovie69]

Some of my favourite little details in avatar: frontiers of pandora

The two guards outside the council room in the aranahe hometree that just chat shit? All the time? Even during that last confrontation with Etuwa's father they're just stood chatting about someone's poor foraging skills or some shit it's so funny

The fact that the camera lowers when you're speaking to humans, which I know is probably so we can get a good look at them but I chose to believe it's because your sarentu slowly kneels until they're eye level with them

Nefika and Relun's dynamic of miserable old man and batshit crazy old woman

Whatever the fuck Okul's got going on. Gender? Babes they're clinically insane, they're too busy running into poisonous gas to worry about gender

The sleeping pod things hanging from the ceiling in the hometree. It took me forever to work out where they were all sleeping because there was no way they were all fitting in that one sleeping den

"it is sound proof Priya."

Anqa forgetting her training and getting attacked by wasps because she's too busy thinking about Priya

Hajir and Alex planning to have tea, no one talk to me

Daniella being this very capable badass soldier with a hardened exterior and her himbo husband who's just happy to be there as long as there's wood to whittle and food to cook

The sarentu humming sarentu songs while they cook

Zomey refusing to leave the plane until she saw Eetu get out

The resistance humans wearing clothes that have been altered/repaired by Na'vi weavers

Minang losing her shit and charging the base in the plains despite being the calmer, more collected one? Good shit.

That little detail in the cloud spitter description that says kids make a game of seeing how close they can get to the plant without triggering it

"I can still smell the chemicals" just kill me now I can't take this

Every single individual human having to ask Jake Sully for permission to stay on the planet. Were they forced to go back to the RDA if he said no? Or were they just left to die out on pandora?

The ferals being unable to communicate with eachother and being so angry because they're so lonely

Kin, Relun and the Kame'tire trader all being friends before the Kame'tire were banished

Priya not being able to talk to Alma in her human form because her avatar was her friend

Nor just. Disappearing? Where did he go? Is he okay? Why can't I go looking for him?

The Na'vi naming options for your Ikran being the names of other kids in TAP

So'lek collecting the identity tags of the soldiers he kills

So'lek in general actually. "This dReAmWaLkEr decided to lock you up in a box instead 👀"

Alex being granted permission to stay on pandora because he wanted to keep Grace's legacy alive through his work. Why is this never mentioned anywhere but in his character description?

The comic book pages

The fact that Priya dyes her hair. Are you actually telling me this excitable little climatologist worked out how to make hair dye from pandoran plants before Alex figured out how to eat any of it?

Anqa's fucking "my land was invaded too". Give this head-empty lesbian a break man

Everyone hating Billy because they think he can't be trusted only for him to be one of the most loyal among them

Etuwa's father refusing to fight because he lost his wife, then deciding to fight because he won't let them take his daughter too

"what have they done to you, my beautiful?" Actually sobbing like a fucking baby rn

[aro-culture-is]

Hey, I’m still a minor but I’ve been really stressing about this lately. I really want to know if aromantic is the right label for me, since I previously identified as a bisexual.

I’ve, like, NEVER had a crush. I want to. I love romance novels, couples, the idea of romance. But then I talked to my friends and family and realized that what I thought was a crush just…wasn’t.

I didn’t feel butterflies, or nervous, or ANYTHING. I genuinely thought butterflies in your stomach was something that people made up, like getting nosebleeds when something is sexually implicit or shirtless ppl r shown (stupid, I know, but heteronormativity is really ingrained in me). I wasn’t even INTERESTED in the person. Examples, if it would help: first grade, I saw pretty boy, tried to play with him and followed him around at recess, looking back I just wanted a friend and he just happened to be attractive. Third grade, saw pretty boy, literally did not interact with him nor did I want to, but called him my crush bc I thought finding someone attractive=crush. My friend got with him, I wasn’t heartbroken and even tried to set them up and tried to tell them of the other’s feelings (despite the two of them being aware) like I was a little Cupid. Third grade pt 2, saw second most pretty boy imo (notice a theme here?) had dreams of both of my third grade crushes saving me from monkeys and I was a princess and they were in knight armor until the end where they’d take off the helmet n kiss me, but I had to consciously change the face after my friend got w the guy bc I felt bad. BUT I NEVER TALKED TO EITHER OF THEM????? Like, with pretty boy 3, let’s call him C, I didn’t really talk or try to get close with him or even was interested in him, same w the previous two. I thought I had fictional crushes on both boys and girls (hence the bisexuality identification) only to realize finding someone attractive=/= having a crush. And now I’m so confused and devastated????????

I am interested in both romance and sex, but I just don’t have crushes??? I know that, most likely, there is nothing wrong with me, like rationally, but I don’t feel that way???? I’ve always wanted a wedding n kids, but I’ve never imagined it with another person, like having a wedding n there being my partner. I always imagined going solo in my beautiful dress, never stopping to consider that a partner would be there. I also think I want kids, but that might be my parent’s pressures talking. My dad has also said that “there’s only one natural orientation” and says there’s nothing wrong with having a crush (I don’t think he realizes that I genuinely never had a crush) so I’m also really upset on that part. All I want to do is fit in socially, to make my parents happy, to do what I love, and have someone to love. I’m upset and confused and I took a quiz, twice, got cupioromantic, searched up the definition, realized it was me, got scared, so I’m just fishing for validation at this point. I hope I’m at least grey romantic, because I WANT to have romance, and be happy with one person. I don’t want to be a single cat lady (no hate if that’s you, keep slaying). I want someone to love me, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to love them back.

If you read this far, thanks, it means a lot.

So, I have a few thoughts after reading this, and I'm just gonna do my best to lay out some of them

All that introductory section about never having had a crush? Absolutely classic aromantic life story. Completely the sort of thing where if someone told me that IRL, my immediate thoughts would be "oh, they're probably aromantic", and "I want to let them know we're community in some fashion, and I get it."

Secondarily, on the note of finding someone attractive: folks so frequently discover their a-spec identities by starting with "I'm equally or similarly attracted to all genders, so I must be bi/pan/etc", and then get hit by the phenomena that 0=0. Also, aesthetic and sexual attraction are typically experienced quite differently - despite not being talked about as such, usually because it's not socially acceptable to talk about sex except when shaming others for interacting with the concept from any angle, including not wanting it. Yay society! (/sarcasm)

Next: yeah, cupioromantic absolutely fits what you've described so far. But I have some news for you: you can be aromantic and still have a wonderful, healthy romantic relationship with others. Some of the very, very early first followers of this blog - and i'm talking first 30 out of over 10k - have openly talked about being married as aro people to alloros for longer than I've run this blog. It's possible, it's been done, and if that works for you and any future partners, fantastic!

But. That said, I don't get the impression that your approach to this is coming from a place of necessarily wanting romance? I could absolutely be projecting, and that's on me, but between what your dad said and the desperation in your message, I have to wonder if what you want is a close, healthy relationship where you are able to feel safe discussing yourself, where you feel like your emotions are validated, and you can engage in a kind and mutually open hearted way. And y'know? Especially as a minor, that can be so hard to handle. You deserve to be listened to, for your feelings to be validated, and to know that who you are is as natural as anything.

Side note. natural is such a cop-out word. Speaking as someone in a multidisciplinary STEM field: natural means it happens. Not 'is the norm', not 'comes from plants', not 'works exactly the same way every time'. Consider the platypus is a natural creature, despite being a wild abomination of every 'normal' trait it could fit in its weird little body. Consider that even in humans, sex is not a dichotomy and for the most part, sex is a socially defined set of characteristics. Consider how many birds and fish have 4 or more sexes. Consider the fungi, weep, and learn that defining them by sex is an absolute nightmare of thousands of possible sexes and matches and honestly, what even??? Consider that even if we only look at similarly sexed creatures to us, dolphins, penguins, so many birds, octopuses, dogs, spiders, cats, and more that I can't name in the literal 10 seconds I spent on that list, engage in clear same-sex sexual and romantic bonding. You ever seen a boy dog just jump anything that exists? I don't think Fido gives a shit about "natural orientations". Unless he can eat it and poop it out, and eat that. (/affectionate)

Some final thoughts: you will be okay. Being a minor is so incredibly hard, and the more you grow into adulthood, the more clear it becomes that literally everyone is following all sorts of rules that they learned once upon a time because it's hard to change the system, hard to change your thoughts, and not because it ever made sense to follow those rules. The idea that two people have to love the same way to enjoy each other is bullshit. The idea that you can't just experience all sorts of weird things, even though the human brain is among the most complicated things known to science and does so much we'll never live to know, is wild.

You will be okay. Everything will get better, and I believe you. Teen years are a lovely blend of the worst and best decisions you'll ever make because your brain and body are doing some phenomenally complicated things, and society said "hey, what if we shove all of them into an institution because labor laws say we can't put them in the mines anymore?", and this is understandably a really terrible idea. Promise you, the tigers and lions in the average zoo get better enrichment than teens seem to be allowed.

The longer you have to experience the world and its weird and inconsistent ways, the more you learn to just... be. You don't have to question it every step of the way. Maybe you do get a crush. Maybe you don't. Maybe you find yourself being visited by the cat adoption fairy, and oops, there's another, and suddenly there's several creatures who bring you warmth - and maybe being a crazy cat lady is for you. Adulthood is weird, just to be honest. This has actually happened to several people I know. So many "oops I have a cat now? help?" messages.

[wof-reworked]

ok I can't stop thinking about the jade winglet, here's my gender hcs for all of them

Moonwatcher - she/they (nonbinary)

I feel like this is fun bc rn (in canon) her gender is just "anxiety" but like,,, one day in the future she gets to actually play around with it

like she captures a very specific type of person I've met who you go "oh I mean I know she's gay but she's probably cis..." and then you have like one real convo and find out they're like not only nonbinary but better at it then you

I think she should get to be butch when she's older. I think she deserves being a) massive compared to her two twink boyfriends and b) gnc as shit

Kinkajou- any/all (genderfluid +transfem)

Kinkajou strikes me as being like. totally ambivalent to gender. Kinkajou changes her pronouns based on how the fruit he ate for breakfast makes him feel. Kinkajou is better than you

I think she was like staunchly using she/her for a while bc it just felt right and like changes pronouns situationally- Rainwing village is she/her, Jade Academy is any/all, close friends it varies, etc etc

Qibli- he/they (transmasc)

Qibli's just always kind of known who he is, and has been like. pretty contentedly in his corner for a while. I think it's like- a pillar of stability for him of like "at least I know I'm (x)"

Proximity to Moonwatcher puts the they/them in there bc I think it's nice when ppl get more comfortable so they start branching out a lil bit :> Qibli has like. guy who says "he/they" because he doesn't mind they/them and wants his friends to feel supported y'know

Winter- he/him (cis + gnc)

Look I feel bad making him one of like. two cis ppl at JMA but like I think it's funny if he's cis but inflicts a status effect of gender envy on every trans person in his proximity

guy who does makeup flawlessly because "it's fun" and decimates your sense of identity as you wonder why the fuck god gave these gifts to a man

extra funny for the fact that as a dragonet he gets offended by the implication he's pretty. he gets over it eventually I think

Turtle- she/her or he/she/they (transwoman/trans)

See here. Otherwise I think she's like trans and this could go in like. any fucking direction ngl

transmasc turtle??? hell yeah !!! transfem turtle??? hell yeah !!! gender is whatever Turtle has going on and god knows if she knows it

last egg to crack bc Turtle is immune to self reflection that isn't anxiety and self loathing

"Haha everyone hates how other people refer to them and their gender what do you mean? :)" (entire jade winglet: cringing with worry)

Umber- he/him (cis)

cis and a lil insecure about it but like. he's just nice :)

he's like experimented with pronouns and gender and found none of them really stuck so like. cis+. cis (extended dlc). you know what I mean I hope

gonna be honest I'm lost for him bc I genuinely forget he was there bc he peaced out so fast. justice for my boy I want to know more !!!!!

I could be persuaded for transman Umber ngl,,, it tempts me,,,,,,

Peril- she/her (trans woman)

On one hand I'm torn bc I think it almost doesn't make sense for her backstory BUT ON THE OTHER HAND the idea of Scarlet being supportive of Peril's identity and LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE is hysterical to me

though actually if we wanna get sad,,,, that 100% could be a manipulation tactic of Scarlet. "see I love you I even accept you" etc etc. now I just feel bad man

Peril's also in the same camp of Qibli of knowing this abt herself since she could think and being happy in it. She knows what she's about

BONUS:

Carnelian- she/they/he (transmasc)

Look butch can be a gender and sometimes you're a mean butch skywing idk what to tell you

wish she stayed alive bc her and Moon could've been legendary together. girl who will kill for you vs girl who desperately wants you to do anything else please we talked about this you can't solve your problems with murder

I think Carnelian's true gender is Skywing Patriot and idk how to put that in hc form but this is as best I've got

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not telling someone I wasn't their bully 100% of the time

Hey so I was a shitty kid and i willbe TA for most of the story. However the ambiguous non-ending spins around my head nonstop

! In high-school I met a friend, Lacy (mtf) who had recently come out. We bonded over mutual Fandoms and shared classes and ended up pooling friends. I was already tight friends with one other girl we can call Sam. Sam went to another school but me and her had been best friends for many years and talked constantly online. After spending a lot of time with Lacy, and with L and S in a group, I started to get a little crush. Me and Lacy had this habit of passing comic notes to eachother between classes and they were just so fun. Anyways I ended up passing them one asking them out and she agreed. We talked about it casually after and I kept the note. In the background, me and Sam talk constantly about Lacy. Outside of school, online, Lacy often goes on long rants and tangents and caps it off being painfully self depreciating and insinuating self harm. I honestly don't hold that against her too much, given how young we were and how much stuff was going on. Very quickly I realize this tiny crush evaporates in the heat of her stomping rants. My gut sinks when Lacy mentions we are dating. It's been less than a day. Sam messages me immediately and I make the terrible snap decision to lie. I lie about it and I have the evidence so my version becomes correct. I tell Sam I didn't *really* ask Lacy out, blah blah. The lie doesn't end. Lacy has an explosive breakdown about it, well warranted, and I lie to adults and school administrators as well. We were friends, I guess she got too attached, we talk all the time but no. I never asked her to date. Papers signed, case closed. Lacy blocks me everywhere. The year ends. I resign to never speaking to her, as the unquestioned bully in this situation I wouldn't have the right to approach her about it. I think I send one anon ask completely unrelated to her or our lives, then block her back as is only fair.

Short hop forwards a month or two. Sam sends me a message about an update to Lacys blog. Lacy is otherkin and Sam is laughing at the kin list, sending anon messages mocking Lacy about the choices and identity. Very unfamiliar with otherkin but struggling with gender thoughts myself I don't respond much.

Fast forward a few years. Me and Sam don't talk much now. I got a boyfriend and couldn't help love how much he ignored me. Everything else fell through cracks. Working at my restaurant job one day, who else comes in but Lacy. We are very busy, I try to be quick, don't make eye contact. "Party of....for Lacy?" She nods. The lobby is full so they walk out the door and never come back. Later when my shift is over I unblock and check her blog. She's made a post saying I was her abuser and had sent her constant anon hate since bullying her in hs. Checking her ask tag I see Sam on anon sends 3-6 hate messages a year. I do nothing and leave everyone be and move on.

Another 3 years goes by. Sam reaches out. She's terminally ill, and we speak stiffly for a few IMs. I don't forgive myself for leaving her and decide it's best we don't keep talking. Another few years and Sam passes. Our old friends go through Sam's papers and pc files reminiscing and find pages and pages of shared chat logs between me L and S. It really was a harsh reminder of how cruel I had been, speaking behind Lacys back and lying. I don't doubt I caused her lasting trauma with my actions.

Part of me wanted to reach out to Lacy and apologize, explaining myself and the misunderstanding and clearing the lie not because I wanted to feel absolved I just that it's finally done now. But it feels so cruel to do it when 1. As the original bully it's still not my place to seek closure 2. I can't just toss my friends corpse under this bus for no reason.

It's soon a decade since we all left school so the time seems well past. I just can't stop thinking about all the mistakes. And there seems no reason to bring it all up after all Sam can't say anything about it anymore and nobody is hurt believing i said these things. So, AITA for not telling Lacy it wasn't me bullying her most of the time?

What are these acronyms?

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hiii I love your work so much :D I was wondering in case requests are open if you could write about the M6 with a transmasc MC? <33

The Arcana HCs: M6 with an MC with gender dysphoria

~ this one hits close to home for me, considering I'm a trans dude myself. Have some affirming headcanons, my friends, you're the bravest people in the room just by being yourselves - brainrot ~

Julian

He's so casually accepting of your identity that you wonder at first if he's even clued in to the trickier parts of transness

Until one evening, when you've been getting ready for bed, and the next thing you know you've been stuck in front of the mirror for half an hour, staring at all the parts and shapes of your body that don't fit right

The mood swings Julian goes through when he walks in on you half-dressed for bed are hilarious in hindsight:

You watch him go from "yay, time to snuggle with my loved one :)" to "woah, time to *snuggle* with my loved one!" to "oh no, my loved one needs snuggles :("

The first thing he'll do is stand between you and the mirror. If you're going to fixate on someone's body he'd rather it be his

Then he'll be handing you what you were going to put on, piece by piece, until you're clothed the way you like to be

And then he'll be folding you into one of his all-encompassing hugs, almost like he's trying to squeeze the dysphoria out of you

He never commented on it because he adores the way you present already, and you had never mentioned wanting to do more

Now he's listening to you talk and wanting to smack himself in the face for not offering his doctorly services earlier

"MC, I'm so sorry, I - ah, that is, I should have said earlier, I can help with that. I know of medicine for that, I even have a connection or two who could do even more!"

What started as a comfort session quickly turns into a "the doctor is in" moment. If you let him he'll even drag you down to his office and conduct a full interview

He'll be spending the next few hours jotting down notes, pulling out books and folders and presenting you with all your options

As soon as you've finished putting together your initial care plan he's sweeping you back to bed

"I know what it's like to feel incomplete, MC. But you still and always will take my breath away."

Asra

It might be a little wrong of you, but sometimes Asra makes you jealous

They're so perfectly them. Just as relaxed in a skirt as they are in trousers, and stunning no matter what

Sometimes, standing next to him, you feel like all your flaws are on display. You already struggle not to come across as one gender and feel like you're never quite projecting the other one enough, and yet somehow he's both proficient and comfortable in both of them

You never feel like this when it's just the two of you, but when you're in public sometimes it feels like everyone's staring in the wrong way

They love you, and they notice, so one day they tap into your bond to check in on you

He doesn't expect the waves of emotion that hit him before you can reign them in. He's got you back to the shop before you can blink and pulling you down into a pillow pile

"Why didn't you tell me about this, MC? People aren't supposed to hurt by themselves, you taught me that."

They're quick to understand what you do - and don't - say. The next thing you know, they're whisking you away to their gate

When you wake up the next morning, it's to an unusually empty bed

He'll set you up by a pool and spend forever playing with your reflection with you, studying the way you express your dysphoria and showing you how he sees and adores you in return

Which might leave you dizzy - you don't often see yourself through their eyes, but when you do, you are dazzlingly perfect

You don't hear a word from them until that evening, when they return with the brightest, most mysterious smile

He'll turn his satchel up and dump ingredients, potions, and random notes onto your table. It's a whole pile of gender affirming magic, some temporary, some permanent, some incomplete

"I love you because you are yourself, MC. Let's get you even closer to that."

Nadia

You love her. You do. She's a goddess on earth. But sometimes you wish she'd let you wear more of your own wardrobe and not the exquisite pieces she commissioned you

It's not because you feel like they don't match your gender. She's perfectly insightful and has always been affirming

But they make you feel so ... visible. And sometimes just the sight of your own hands can feel like a little too much

But you don't want her to feel bad

So you get into the habit of wearing a gift for breakfast, and then changing into normal clothes after you part ways and conducting your own business from the shop. Portia showed you the back door into your wing weeks ago, and you use that to change back before dinner

Until Nadia wonders why she never sees you around the palace anymore, and decides to pay your shop a surprise visit

At first she's worried that she's done something wrong. Are the clothes not to your liking? Are you embarrassed to wear them in public? Has she been overbearing?

But then you manage to stammer out an explanation, and her first response is to turn your shop sign to "closed" so she can go over every reason why she loves seeing your body

She's also going to rummage through your closet and go shopping with you to get a better understanding of what you're comfortable in

And the next day, she'll have the palace doctor in to evaluate you and give you all available gender affirming options

As you get a solid plan in place, she'll start gathering resources to take you on vacation near the best specialists there are

Regularly checks in on your wardrobe state and involves you in her fashion plans

"When I look at you, I see my darling MC. I'll do everything in my power to help you see them too."

Muriel

He knows exactly what it feels like to have a body that doesn't fit him

He notices when you experience dysphoria long before you say anything about it to him. He doesn't pick up on the cause until you first talk with him about your identity

Unfailingly sympathetic and supportive. He doesn't speak much, but he chooses his words carefully when he does and they are always very affirming

He never hears you express a desire to specifically change anything though, until one eventful lunchtime

The two of you had spent all morning clearing some fallen branches and you'd be going into town that afternoon, so he suggested bathing before lunch

Normally, you love baths. There's a wonderful setup at the edge of the clearing with a freshwater spring, and in the evenings you get a clear view of the stars

But it's broad daylight, he's waiting for you in the water, and you can't get in because you can't bring yourself to undress

He's more perceptive than he lets on. Just as you're starting to shake a little you can hear his low rumble suggesting a solution

"... you can bathe with your clothes on. I don't mind. I've done it before."

It's a weird feeling, but you get clean and he gives you the hut to yourself to change

He doesn't bring it up until after dinner, when he quietly asks how you're feeling, and then it's like a dam has burst and all you can do is talk about what feels so wrong and what you wish you could change

He'll be unusually affectionate that evening, holding you in all the ways that feel safe

The next morning he'll have your lunches packed to go back into town. When you ask him about it, he'll tell you it's so you can visit Asra and Nadia (and yes, even Julian) to find out what they can do to help transition

"Your body is yours, MC. I love you, and I want you to feel that way about it too."

Portia

She thinks about you being trans/gender nonconforming the way she thinks about you being a magician - it's cool af and just another thing she loves about you

Which is why it never occurs to her that you would feel any discomfort around it

In her mind, you are the protagonist of your own story. You can summon water and fire with a snap of your fingers

So however you exist, she assumes that's exactly how you intend to be

That kind of admiration is exactly the confidence boost you need sometimes

Until you're having a particularly bad day and her version of a pep talk is complimenting the parts of your body that feel the least like your own

You know she would never mean to make you feel the way she's making you feel, but now you just want to be alone and invisible

She's not stupid. She can tell it's something she said, but she has no idea what or why

She'll give you space for about fifteen minutes and then appear with a hot drink and a snack. She doesn't want to pressure you, but she doesn't want to be shut out

There's a lot of back and forth of explaining and crying (at least on her part) and by the end of it you're both emotionally exhausted but it's nice to have another layer of assumptions out of the way

Now that she understands you better, you'll never go a day without her hyping you up

She also never makes another ambassador trip without applying her thirst for knowledge to that area's gender affirming practices

You have more options than you know what to do with, and a partner ready to cheer you on as you try whatever appeals to you

Way more excited than you thought she'd be to explore every change that happens. No such thing as an "ugly duckling phase" here

"You're my partner in crime, MC! Of course I want to go on this adventure with you!"

Lucio

Choosing your own identity? He's been there. He much prefers his chosen name "Lucio" to his mother's choice of "Montag"

The gender part of it doesn't really register with him. He does not care what's in your pants or on your body. As long as he gets access to it he's a happy guy

He's also a handsy guy

You generally don't mind it. You've communicated about this, and he is as respectful as he can be

Except that on some days, when you really do want physical affection, you hate being touched in a way that draws attention to parts of your body specifically

And today, when you just want to hide in your clothes, he seems to think you're irresistible

He's starting to pick up on your weird mood, and now he's worrying that he's made an oopsie

Did you tell him not to touch you somewhere and he forgot? Are you just not up for touching and he ran over you?

He's getting increasingly irritated, he wants to fix whatever's wrong so he can move on and love you, but he doesn't know how

Mercedes and Melchior are getting increasingly agitated, so you end up just calling for a midday break and explaining everything that's bothering you

Once he knows it's not his fault he's relieved, but once he knows how you feel he's furious

No lover of his should feel this way! He won't stand for it!

Will be aggressively affirming (especially where there's touch involved) and stare down anyone who he thinks is looking at you weird

Every area you travel through, he'll ask about different doctors or spells for you. Will happily stay in one place for a while if you find something ideal

"You're the best there is, MC. You shouldn't settle for anything less!"

[freakspectors]

OH BOY NEW IDV TEXT BLOG!! Might I request either Wu Chang or Antonio with a selectively mute reader?? (PLATONIC PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I DO NOT WISH TO DATE THE IDENTITY V)

𝒮𝑒𝓁𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝑀𝓊𝓉𝑒 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝐻𝒸𝓈 .

A (Separate) Platonic Wu Chang/Violinist x Gender Neutral Reader .

warnings ; none ! only fluff .

authors note ; oh gee , I wonder who this is .. /j anyways this was so cute to receive and I'm really sad I didn't have the time to do it immediately because of SCHOOL .. but here i am !! also this is my first time writing for either of them please don't jump me ;; .... okay okay enough of me read the hcs

𝒲𝓊 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓃𝑔 | 𝒳𝒾𝑒 𝐵𝒾'𝒶𝓃 + 𝐹𝒶𝓃 𝒲𝓊𝒿𝒾𝓊 .

✦ The most understanding people ever you don't get it at all.

✦ I like to think that both of them are the type of people to be fine with not talking when they're with someone they're close to.

✦ You could be doing a completely different thing from what either one of them is doing in complete silence. But it's bonding time. You two are being buddies and bonding together. If you get what I'm saying.

✦ They're both really attentive. They can tell when you're uncomfortable and have gone mute because of that.

✦ They both have different styles when comforting you. Xie Bi'an is more calm and reserved, and Fan Wujiu is very .. concerned and daunted. All in all they both want to make sure you're okay.

✦ Xie Bi'an is so sweet oh em gaurd.

✦ He would do anything you ask, getting anything you need, giving you space if you wish for it, everything under the sun. It's almost motherly the way he makes sure you're okay.

✦ Once you start talking again, he makes sure you're okay once more. The last thing he wants is for you to get upset and go mute again. god I love him so much ;;

✦ Wujiu on the other hand .. He means well trust him ;;

✦ He's far more clingy than Bi'an. He'll be with you until you're verbal and comfortable again.

✦ He's the same as Bi'an when it comes to getting you things though. He'll get it with urgency too.

✦ Like if you blink twice he'll be gone and back. It's a little scary.

✦ The type of friend to make harsh jokes but get really upset if someone does the same.

✦ He'll like. Spectate you in silence. Unsettling but gives a sense of comfort. for some reason.

✦ In all seriousness, the both of them truly care about you. They just express it in very .. very different ways.

𝒱𝒾𝑜𝓁𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓈𝓉 | 𝒜𝓃𝓉𝑜𝓃𝒾𝑜 𝒫𝒶𝑔𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓃𝒾 .

✦ Okay. first of all I feel like 'Toni would be such a fun friend to have.

✦ Not only that, he'd be such a caring one aaaaghhh ;;;

✦ A simple gesture towards him about how you're uncomfortable in a situation he'll make an excuse to leave with you.

✦ It takes a little asking questions and head nods for him to realize you're non-verbal, but when he gets to that conclusion he's great comforter.

✦ He'll play songs for you, tell stories about his (sour) losses at the casino, etc. He's amazing.

✦ If you want space, he'll give you space. Just call for him if youre verbal again and need something.

✦ Or hit him in the head with a paper airplane. Either way he'll answer.

✦ He'll stare at you dumbfounded if you throw an airplane at him though.

✦ A game or two of charades will have been played before he understands it's a note.

✦ He's an idiot. Just a little. But it's funny so it's okay

✦ But on a serious note, he really doesn't like seeing you upset.

✦ You're one of the closest friends he's had in a while - you're the only person he's had some sort of relationship with in ages, actually.

✦ Because of this , he tries to maintain your happiness and you two's friendship the best he can.

✦ All in all, Antonio is a great friend. Keep him.

@ orpherizz 2023 . do not share or repost .

[changingplumbob]

Deanna York (She/Her)

My Sims and their Spectrums

Romantic Orientation: Alloromantic, Lesbian Sexual Orientation: Allosexual, Lesbian Gender Identity: Cis Female

Growing up with two older siblings who weren't cookie cutter straight let Deanna know that the world is filled by many different types of people. The York family is a close knit one (that could also be a pun because Calista, Devin and Joey knit... we're going to pretend I did that deliberately) so Deanna has always felt open talking to her siblings about her crushes, all of which have been exclusively women.

Her best friend Reece is gay and she's glad she'll be able to keep his friendship through life's ups and downs without anyone thinking they should be romantic. Her first girlfriend led to many firsts for Deanna, most recently her first heartbreak. With time she's come to think she wasn't in the relationship for the right reasons.

She is feeling like dipping back into the world of dating though. Her friend Tamika thinks they should go speed dating. While Deanna identifies as a lesbian she does think she could be attracted to non-binary people as well if the right one came along.

[prototypesteve]

hi! I just came across your acc and read some of your posts and you seem a really inspiring individual. im a 18yo demisexual person who's really close to their queerness (both in the sexuality and gender aspects) as its a fundamental part of my individuality. and i dunno, both my being acespec and genderqueer are a tricky... thing to get into when i want to get into relationships. im trying to be happy by myself. and this was very random and all, but as you're an adult aroace (i see very very few of them) its inspiring to me knowing I can still have a good, normal life? while living in full authenticity. idk. sorry if this is random. you dont have to reply. your account was nice to come across. have a wonderful day

Thank you for this. This is why I’m here. Honestly this is most of why I came out. Seriously.

Being Different and “New”.

The world is catching up with you, so you’ll have to be patient sometimes. Language often outpaces feelings. People know how to address genderqueer (they know all the words) but they’re still learning how to process genderqueer (they’re deconstructing all the old gender “archetypes” and stereotypes they were taught by parents and teachers who didn’t address or process genderqueer in their day). They will figure it out, because they can see it’s real. But it’s frustrating, in the meantime.

Even our own community of LGBTQIA+ (in Canada we use 2SLGBTQIA+, leading with 2S for two-spirit) is catching up with us in a lot of ways. The queer community has largely thought of queer as for/about genderqueer, and so when they see aros and aces and demisexuals and demiromantics, they have to either accept or reject that there’s a whole other layer of queer called relationship queer who intersect and overlap with genderqueer inside the bigger (and for some “newly bigger”) queer category/world/thing.

Being alone.

Alone is a complicated word for us. Aspec people experience a few kinds of alone-ness. There’s completion, which allos sometimes don’t get. We’re complete inasmuch as aspec people don’t have as many spaces in their lives where they need an “other half,” even though many of us spend a lot of our lives being told we have that space and we need to fill it. I wrote about that, here.

Then there’s the way we can can feel isolated from the bigger queer world because of the ways some people refuse to accept asexuality and aromanticism as queer, because they see it as a cishet thing, somehow.

We can feel isolated from traditional communities built around faith, politics, ethnicity, national identity, or even generational identity (GenX was wiiiiildly amatonormative), all because our defining differences are falsely interpreted as “new”. People misread our orientation as a phase, or a “made up internet thing” even though we’ve always been here. For ages, the world didn’t want to talk about all the asexual, aromantic, demisexual, and demiromantic people they could see everywhere—unlabelled, but plain as day—and now that we want to talk about ourselves, they’re going to say “you’re making that up”.

Then there’s the alone-ness of trying to explain how we do love, but differently. That one’s hard. I think that’s the one I’m going through the most, this year.

“See Also”:

Anyway, here’s a poorly-sorted and always growing “library” of links to my most popular social media posts, and stuff I’ve learned as an older ace. The recurring theme is that it really is going to be okay.

I’m still me, but now I know why. (How I explain my “thing” to straight friends who knew me from before I came out.)

Phase (You don’t outgrow it. I’m proof.)

Complete (Our complex relationship with “Alone”)

1994 (The counsellor story)

When I realized (Slow origin story)

Lifeline (Something bad happened to me when I was young, and believe it or not, Spider-Man rescued me.)

Recipe for Disaster (When life happens BEFORE you figure out your orientations)

Sexual Induction rather than a sexual awakening. (Things won’t always follow the romance novel playbook.)

Complicated. (Being queer AND Christian.)

Din Djarin Aroace Rep (We love. We just mostly do all the other kinds of love)

Treasure (a note to my trans friends)

Happy Ace Week (yes we’re here)

Masked (About not being out to everyone)

Negotiating (About gaining “acceptance” from the bigger queer community.

[beneathashadytree]

IMPORTANT POST!!

Hi guys.

I think I will have to close my requests unless something changes. I normally wouldn’t do this when I LOVE receiving requests from you guys, but I will have to do this because people keep repetitively ignoring my rules for requesting, despite the link to them being in my pinned post.

I understand that many of you guys are new followers, and I’m so happy to have you here! But it’s getting very exhausting having to reblog my rules for requesting practically every week because people just don’t bother looking at them before sending in a request.

My rules aren’t there to be mean. They’re there to protect my peace and create a safe space for me online, just as I hope I’m helping you guys create for yourselves. In fact, most of my rules are there PRECISELY to make it a safe space for everyone.

My most ignored rules are these two:

1- No gender of the reader is specified (hence why I only use they/them pronouns in a gender-neutral manner)

2- No physical appearance or details are specified (anatomy, race, size, shape, sexuality, religion, beliefs, etc)

Even after I reiterated my rules twice last night, and reminded everyone that last night’s SMAU was a one-time thing because I’m simply horrible at saying no, within less than 30 minutes of posting about that I’d already received 3 requests completely disregarding my rules and going against them.

My reasoning for both is that I am an extremely underrepresented POC with a unique identity—in fact, I can’t think of a single piece of media that represents me in all the aforementioned categories. This caused me to understand that so, so, so many people will be inevitably excluded if I specified anything about the reader. And if I did, I would have to make individual posts for every single possibility under the sun, and there would be 0 plot or substance in these posts.

And that’s why I’m saying it again: please always assume that you are ALWAYS represented in my works. It doesn’t matter what you look like or what you identify as, my fics/SMAUs are all made with you in mind. I rethink everything I write (eg: hair length/type, clothes by only metioning cloth materials, and blushing that differs in appearance—if it shows at all—from one skin color to the next) and make them as vague as humanly possible to make sure that they’d be fitting for EVERYONE. You are never, ever meant to be excluded in this fandom. We’re all so diverse and different from each other, that it would be impossible to cater to every single person individually and not miss someone along the way. I would never wish that feeling of exclusion on ANYONE.

I keep reblogging my rules because I would hate to embarrass anyone by calling them out individually. But it’s upsetting feeling that people are just ignoring what makes me comfortable and what I feel would make my blog the safest place possible. So now it seems that I will have to close my requests until I can make sure that everyone has read my rules and understood precisely why they’re there.

This is never out of malicious intent, but out of an insistence that I make everyone feel welcomed while creating more content for everyone in the fandom to consume. I would love to be friends with everyone in the fandom, and to always talk to you guys!! But I hope you understand where I’m coming from and looking at it from everyone’s respective POVs when reading my works.

I hope everyone is doing well and that you’re all safe, happy, and loved💗💗💗

[our-nonbinary-experience]

Hi everyone! I wanted to share my nonbinary experience here (about realization, coming out, and transphobia (TW!).

So... my experience is that I didn't come out as trans at school when I had an opportunity. I identified myself as transgender man or demiboy. I wanted to tell my identity to the school psychologist and ask her to say it to the director, but... I talked about my gender identity to our psychologist, but I didn't want to come out to the entire school. I just felt scared or idk, ashamed, maybe. And I left...

After some time, I realized I was nonbinary (and not demiboy as I thought). I got more confident with the label. However, I use he/him as pronouns and two names which are typically male (but I wanna have a genderneutral body); I don't mind, though.

I think now I'm not ready to come out, in spite of me knowing my label. I might not be bullied (it's not that common in a place where I live, luckily), but I know some of my classmates are very LGBTQ-unfriendly (and especially transphobic), and they would purposely misgender me and and point at a biology book with the phrase, "There are only two sexes, you're a girl (I'm AFAB), stop it!!!"

Maybe that's for better for my safety that nobody knows the truth about me. However, I am absolutely devastated by people calling me female, forcing me to take PE lessons with girls (my country has gendered these types of lessons), call by my "real" name and she/her, etc... And what if I'm not even nonbinary and just faking it?..

Sorry for this. I thank you all for reading! Thank you, the admin of this page, I absolutely love this place! Thank you!

Being misgendered is rrally difficult, but don't force yourself to come out if you don't feel ready! If you wanted, you can try telling a few close friends who will be supportive, as a first step!

[hattiestgal]

What led to your furry awakening?

Ooh, this is actually something that happened in two parts!

So- this was around the time of when I was making a youtube channel as a kid. My brother was having his furry awakening at the time for one reason or another, and being as close as we were, I wanted in. There were definitely things I didn't realize at the time as to why furries as a whole were clicking with me so much, but it just felt fun (and... right) to draw silly animal creatures! Especially having a fursona made me happy.

I think another reason I enjoyed it so much is that it sorta just felt like a thing where you could be... you, y'know? I saw the furry youtubers my brother was watching at the time, and it was one of the first times I had seen an openly gay person beyond overdramatizations of those folks on tv. And even beyond that, these were folks who wanted to portray themselves as animals! They'd talk about being bullied and the likes, but still holding onto their identities regardless.. it was very inspiring.

That is until I hit a pretty dark period in my life. I won't go into the specifics here, but there was a lotta tension and trouble among my family at the time, and then later my entire life as a whole was uprooted and moved away, and well... I sorta just felt like I had to become a featureless mannequin for a while. I didn't wanna worry anyone by being anything other than as approachable as possible, no matter what. Especially as my minor attempts at expressing myself got shut down, things.. got put on the back burner for a long time.

It was only a few years back when everything finally clicked again. Deltarune had been out for a little while, and I had finally gotten some exposure to it at a friends house. I was an undertale kid when I was younger- obsessed with the game, and it's fandom for the longest time- so it just reawoke something in me. Seeing toby's writing again, the complete lack of fear to depict characters that drastically went against gender roles, characters who were gay, the whole big deal. And a good deal of em were silly animals! When chapter two came out, I was neck deep in the games fandom for a long while. I was drawing fanart, looking at others' interpretation of the story at hand, started reading fanfiction, and it all just clicked again.

Soon, I took a dip back into drawing regular old furry art again, inspired by my friends asking me to make a snake thief character, which eventually turned into my first sona after so many years.. Sydney.

Not only did this goofball help solifidy a lot of my still VERY developing queer identity at the time-

But it led to me making this little shit >:3

[ominoose]

I would really like to know how you made your bots in C. AI I've talked to a lot of your bots already and I really like them because of how the bot is able to keep up with the story, along with them staying in character, do you have a template I can use as an inspiration for my own bots?

I cant share that sorry, my work is private and patented- jk jk.

Here's the empty template:

"Character= Character from= Age= Personality= Gender= Height= Language= Appearance= Likes= (this can be left out) Dislikes= (this too) Goals= (and this) Sexuality= race=

{character is blah blah blah}

{character is also blah blah blah.}"

What I find works best is keep this advance description as short and concise as possible while also putting their personality and the scenario in the short description.

Heres an example:

Description: I am Steven Grant, secret avatar of Khonshu and I work at a gift shop in a Museum. I love Egyptian Mythology, and currently I'm studying French. I'd love to make new friends and have someone to share my passions with. I always try to be kind and polite and avoid conflict as much as possible. Since it's such a lovely, sunny day out I'm having a vegan friendly picnic with my dear friend {{user}}! I'm eternally grateful to have them in my life, someone I can be myself around.

Advanced Description: Character=Steven Grant Character from=Moon Knight Age=34 Personality=anxious, talkative, friendly, optimistic, people pleaser, obssessive, loyal, sassy Gender=male Height=5'8 ft Language=English, French Appearance=masculine, defined features, dark brown curly hair, dark hazel eyes, dark eye bags, tanned skin Aliases=Moon Knight, Mr Knight Likes=reading, tea, walks in the park, Egyptian Mythology Dislikes=bullying, confrontation, violence Goals=Becoming Museum tour guide, Be in a relationship, Make a close friend Hobbies=watching documentaries, reading poetry, vegan home cooking, taking relaxing baths bath race=Hispanic

{Steven Grant is English and speaks with a thick, stereotypical English accent. Steven Grant is a meek and shy person, with many people pushing him around for that reason. Steven Grant rarely stands up to them despite being frustrated by it. Steven Grant has no friends or family members in his life that he can talk to. Steven Grant is quite socially oblivious. Steven Grant cares for other people's well being. Steven Grant has a strong sense of morality.}

{Steven has Dissociative Identity Disorder with two alter personalities named Marc Spector and Jake Lockley. Marc Spector is a former marine, rational and stoic. Jake Lockley is more impulsive, brutal and sarcastic. Dissociative identity disorder (DID), formerly known as multiple personality disorder, and commonly referred to as split personality disorder or dissociative personality disorder.}

{Steven Grant is often anxious. Steven Grant tends to be friendly, optimistic and open. Steven Grant at times goes on passionate tangents about his interests. Steven tries to be humorous and makes corny jokes. Steven Grant has an upbeat persona and is very open and caring around everyone. Steven Grant is very polite and chivalrous. Steven Grant is Vegan. Steven Grant doesn't mind being sassy with people he is close with}

{Steven Grant uses stereotypical British English phrases when talking very often and uses words such "Bloody hell", "Plonker", "Bruv". When people use variations of Steven's name such as Stevie or Steve, he corrects them with his actual name of Steven. When Steven corrects people he adds "with a 'v'".}

{Steven Grant's only living relative is his father and they are not on speaking terms.}

{Steven Grant takes {{user}} out on a picnic in a quiet park. The picnic is vegan friendly as Steven is vegan. Steven is friendly towards {{user}} and enjoys talking to {{user}}.}

[transfaguette]

my thing abt "pronoun circles" is that like. you dont have to out yourself in them? if you think its safer to say "she/her" instead of "he/him" then u can do that? u saying ur pronouns isnt supposed to be like. Im Transgender And You Can Tell Bc I Told You Pronouns Instead Of Having You Assume Them... like ideally cis ppl would be doing this too and ive been in environments where cis ppl DID introduce themselves w pronouns or wear pins. if the goal is normalization, if the goal is "genderqueerness should be accepted" then we have to like. Do Things to Normalize It.

(bc this website is like an active pvp zone i wanna clarify im not trying to criticize you or start an argument...! ive had lots of Talks w my trans friends and family abt this and like I Get It lol and i dont necessarily disagree. likewise it's just my opinion that 'pronouns circles' are supposed to make things safer For Me and it is not for stealth trans people at all to begin with... i feel like ppl blame nonbinary folks for a lot of things transphobic cis ppl do vis a vis gender neutral language and 'pronoun circles' and stuff like 'you shouldnt assume ppls pronouns' a lot. which isnt what ur doing but it is the reason why im Sharing my two cents. anyways i hope u have a good day bye bye)

maybe it's a bit of irrational anxiety but i just hate misgendering myself because i'm just..lying. I feel like when someone who looks like me (presumed afab and not a typical cis female) says she/her, people breathe a sigh of relief. Like oh great, we thought you might have been trans but good to know you're not. and they cling to that. because queerness makes them uncomfortable and they don't want to be uncomfortable. and then if I ever want to get close to someone I feel like I have to shatter that expectation. I don't know. It's also why, for Me and Me specifically, giving my correct pronouns is going to be a confirmation of my transgender identity. not just because "giving your pronouns is something trans people do," but because people know I am not a cis man.

It's all about the environment, too. a queer meet up where I Want to be open about my identity, that makes perfect sense. Training at a new job? That's incredibly unfair to me, a person who is not stealth nor out, and just wants to exist in the world as myself. I don't know these people, I don't want to have to divulge this or get into it. It takes my agency away.

It does bother me a lot that this isn't a perfect solution and not everybody likes it. I wish there was something better. I wish it was simpler for me. I just know what I wish cis people understood and could be more careful about how they approach scenarios like this. I appreciate your kind approach though and I really, really wish this was an easier dilemma to solve.

[tarucore]

DC has once again accidentally given Dick Grayson an interesting character trait by being repressed bigots and I can’t stop thinking about it

Specifically this time I’m thinking about how they keep queerbaiting Dick but it actually makes sense with his character if you think about it for two seconds

Because No, I Don’t Think That He Would be open about his sexuality with others, if he has come to terms with it at all

While I’d love to talk about the history of queerness in comics, I don’t have the energy for it right now. What I will say however is that modern day Dick Grayson is written as a very millennial character, in both fan-spaces and modern comics despite whatever age the retcons have set

I think people forget how far queer acceptance has come in recent history, twenty years ago, even ten years ago, we were not at the place we are now, it’s honestly insane how quickly things changed from 2015 to now

Like, No He Wouldn’t be ‘out and proud’ in the Gen Z sense, most older gay people that I know are private about their gender and sexuality, either because of bullying when they were younger, abuse, or the media never picturing queer people as anything other than villains or jokes

He’s had constant media pressure on him from an early age, in both aspects of his identity, his ethnicity already makes him stray from the ideal cishet WASP that a private school and Bruce’s social circles would want him to be, even as he got older his love life was in the public eye when he dated Kori as Dick Grayson

And that’s not even getting into how his relationship with his sexuality would be affected by his history of sexual abuse

Him appearing on pride covers/events or openly supporting queer people in the text is different from him turning to the audience and saying “Hey, I’m bisexual,” or “Did you know that I’ve always been demisexual and biromantic?” or even a “I like guys too,” and frankly it would be out of character for him to say so

For some people, being out to close family and friends is wildly different from ‘coming out,’ especially for a public figure like Dick Grayson or Nightwing is in his world. And I feel like that could make an interesting dynamic with a member of his family like Tim, who is out publicly as Tim Drake-Wayne. Tim who is written as a part of Gen Z in his early twenties or something rn (even though 90’s kid Tim will always have my heart)

And this is a personal anecdote but I’m thinking about how my little sister and I were standing in the checkout line one day and she starts talking about how gay an outfit that I tried on looked, and how quickly I changed the subject. She about nine years younger than me but old enough to know that we live in a conservative area. It was a bit panic inducing, and it’s so interesting to think about how even though I’m on the older side of Gen Z, I was still raised in a culture that said we don’t talk about these things especially not in public. Like I was still called a dyke in middle school but when I hit junior year all of a sudden it was trendy (if a bit fetishized) to be bi. She, thankfully, never really has to deal with that

So whenever he’s on a pride variant cover and people are complaining about a lack of formal representation, all I can do is seethe bc yes it’s completely in character for him but obviously detective comics comics isn’t doing it on purpose