#but i was kinda really hoping that even though they were talking about it it wouldnt actually happen
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I took a shot at writing!
Thank you to @rokhal for letting me mess with your dream sharing idea its absolutely DELIGHTFUL
And thank you to @moosemonstrous for beta reading for me. Its so fucking cool to have an author I admire so much giving me advice <33!!
Basically, RE! Robbie having Jillâs nightmare from RE3 remake, and all the consequences that follow
A loud crash of thunder woke Robbie up. He blinked a few times and unstuck his face from the desk he had apparently fallen asleep on. Again. His mouth felt unbearably dry in the way that tended to happen after a good hard sleep. At least he had a glass of water ready to help him wake up.
He sipped it and let the sound of rain pattering surround him. It was usually so quiet this far out in the woods. It almost made it hard to sleep. There was no ambient sound of the freeway, no trains passing or people talking when they walked by. No neighbors banging on the door drunk at 3 AM pleading for their exes to take them back. Pros and cons to everything, he supposed.
He grabbed the book on local wildlife he had been attempting to read before drifting off and headed to his room. His back never really hurt after falling asleep in odd positions anymore. That kinda made sense. If he could come back from a fractured arm after a few minutes, a pulled muscle or two shouldn't be anything to write home about.Â
He still didn't really know how to feel about⊠all that. At least the only thing he seemed to do was heal fast. The black mold leaking out of his eyes and writhing around the day he found out about his infection seemed to be a one time deal, thank god. Gabe hadn't been so lucky, but he seemed to be coping with his new plant powers fairly well. Were they plants? Technically speaking, the flowers were made of mold and he was pretty sure mold was something different. Would it be suspicious for him to ask the BSAA lady for a book on fungi? He still had so many questions.
They hadnât really talked much about each other's powers - god. Powers. What the fuck was his life - after the initial âbike-meets-gardenâ incident. He had questions for sure, he just wasnât sure how to go about asking them. Really, what was he supposed to say? âHey Gabe, Iâm trying really hard to be chill about your mold minion deal, but I gotta ask; Why do you glow?â Would Gabe even know the answer? Robbie really just hoped it didn't hurt.Â
Maybe the BSAA were keeping him and Gabe to see if they could find a better cure. That seemed almost too good to be true. He shuddered at the memory of their last attempt. on the Baker Estate. Bodies shriveling up and breaking into pieces like statues made of crusted over baking soda, screaming all the while before falling mercifully silent.
He reached the end of a hallway that felt way too long and opened the door as quietly as he could so he wouldn't wake Gabe. The fact that their rooms were on two different floors really didn't make a difference. He set his stuff down on the side table next to his bed before flopping down onto the mattress. God he was tired. The day felt grimy on his skin, even though he couldn't remember what he had been doing when the sun was out, and a shower seemed wasteful at this point. A little face wash and then he could go back to bed and wake up without horribly crusty eyes in the morning.
He forced himself up and walked over to the bathroom. His private bathroom, jeez, what a luxury. Turned on the water and waited for it to warm up. He felt a tickle in the back of his throat.
Robbie coughed a couple of times and felt a bit of phlegm come up. Oh, come on. Being sick with one weird disease wasn't enough? He spat it out into the sink so it could drain along with the rushing water.Â
It was black.
He stared as it swirled around and around in the sink. He coughed again. More black. More and more and more until it was dribbling in an almost constant stream down his chin. Okay. Alright. This had happened once before when he first started his medicine. It had sucked but he was ultimately fine. This was probably fine too.
He met his own eyes in the mirror and tried to take a steadying breath. The mold had started dripping out his nose. His left eye blackened and seemed to deflate. Shriveling and sinking into his skull as more mold spewed out of the rotting socket like a fountain. He wheezed and slapped his hand over it to try and stop everything inside him from leaking out.Â
There was a sort of snapping in his right eye as blood vessels there started to burst. The same feeling as breaking the last few nerves holding a loose tooth in. In seconds it was entirely bloodshot. His iris lightened from itâs usual dark brown to a jaundiced yellow. The same eyes covering the creature in the boathouse that called itself Jack Baker.
He stumbled back from the mirror and felt something in his jaw break loose. He reached up to try and feel what was wrong but stopped when he caught more black spreading up his hands. His scars formed deep grooves as his flesh molded over and shrunk down to the bone. It was creeping steadily up his arms, shooting through his veins like little spiderwebs, turning his skin the dull gray of a long dead corpse. He grabbed at his arms, desperately trying to stop it from spreading, only to spill more black as his new claws dug deep into what should have been skin and muscle. It didn't even hurt. He didn't feel anything except the panic presently choking him.
The endless black spilled over and dribbled into little puddles on the floor. He shuffled further away from the mirror until his back was against the wall and watched the mold spread across the linoleum as it had spread across himself. It was spilling over the edges of the sink now. Growing on the mirror. On the cabinets. On the walls. Each part of the bathroom that he made a habit out of bleaching meticulously was covered in black speckles. Everywhere he had stepped, each place his fingers brushed. Everything he touched was rotting.
There was a gun on the counter.
Something that sounded like distress came out of his throat. It was hard to tell. It was garbled and choked and chittering. Its reverberations ran deep into his chest and rattled his teeth. The sound was utterly inhuman. He forced himself forwards and grabbed the gun. He didnât remember how it got there. Has it always been there? He couldn't remember.
His sharp fingertips were digging into what remained of the countertop, and he was having trouble fitting his claw through the trigger guard. He eventually managed. This wouldn't kill him, he knew that. But maybe it would allow enough time for Gabe to run away and get a head start before he totally lost himself. Would it be worse for Gabe to find him with a hole in his head or as a rotting husk of himself, attacking everything in sight?
He chittered again. A strip of flesh fell off his cheek and landed in the sink with a wet plap.Â
Robbie raised the gun up to the side of his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Or eye, rather. It didn't matter. For some reason he could still see his reflection. Whatever was doing this wanted him to see it through to the very end. The teeth under his horrible red eye were starting to peek through his rapidly decaying cheek.
The bang of the gun sounded off alongside his garbled shrieking.
-
Shrieking that woke him up.
No chittering that shook his skull and disjointed jaw. Just plain screaming. He never thought he would be so happy to hear it. He huffed, trying to catch his breath. Checked his hands; no traces of black mold. Just tanned skin striped with scars and damp from a cold sweat.
He breathed a sigh of relief and let himself relax back into the twisted sheets he had apparently been thrashing around in. There was a loud thump from downstairs, like someone had fallen down, which was swiftly followed by smaller thumps. A sound he had grown to recognize as Gabe rushing up the steps. He sat up and mentally prepared to put his brother back to bed.
Gabe slammed the door to Robbies room open before he could even stand up. His eyes were red, just in the normal way. Not the nightmare red and yellow. Tears were streaking his face. He sobbed and ran at Robbie, tackling him in a hug.
âYou aren't allowed to do that!â He cried into Robbies chest.
Robbie held him close and stroked his hair, âSorry, Gabe. I didnât mean to wake you. I can try and get some good headphones for you so it won't happen again.â
Gabe sniffled against his shirt. He adjusted himself so he could glare up at Robbie. It would be adorable if he weren't so clearly upset.Â
âWhat? No, I don't care about that. I mean you can't do that!â
âI don't - Iâm really sorry Gabe I don't know what youâre talking about.â Gabes glare got narrower. He raised his pointer finger to the side of his head and mimed âpowâ.
Robbies spine went ridgid. What the fuck.
âI don't care how sick you get. I don't care if you heal fast. Don't. Do. That.â He felt his heart break a little. Gabe had buried his face back into Robbies shirt. That was nice. It made sure Robbie didn't have to try and hide whatever the hell his expression was.
Something repeated in the back of his head: It gave you my nightmares. That was what Gabe had said. It felt like an eternity ago but it had probably been just a little over a month.Â
âI didnât--â Jesus, motherfuck, what the hell was he supposed to do? Maybe if he just started talking, he could find the right thing to say. Was there even a right thing to say at all? No parenting manual heâd ever read had a guide for what to do if you started sharing dreams with the person you looked after. Especially horrific nightmares like the one he just had.
Breathe. Focus. Gabe is upset. You know what to do when Gabe is upset.Â
Robbie pulled him closer, âIt's okay. Everything is going to be okay.â He really couldn't guarantee that, but it had to be said for his own sake as much as it was Gabes. âIâm so sorry you had to see that. I didnât want you to see that.â I didnât want to see it either. âI don't think that's going to happen. I think it was like your dream. You remember what I said then, right? Itâs just our brains coming up with what scares us most.â
âThat's what scares you?â
âYeah. If Iâ--â he swallowed, âif I'm not⊠myself, then I can't take care of you.â
âI get it. I didnât like losing myself either.â God, he was so stupid. Stupid and selfish, of course Gabe knew what that was like. He had been stripped of his own self control, changed on a fundamental level and had powers Robbie was too scared to ask questions about. Here he was, running away from things, and his brother was stuck paying the price for it.
Robbie tried to talk past the lump in his throat. âI'm so sorry, Gabe.â He could feel tears leaking down his cheeks. He prayed to God they were normal. âI donât - I don't know how any of this works and it freaks me out a little. You don't scare me, I meant that when I said it, but itâs hard for me to understand things I canât see. I donât see stuff in my head the way you do.â He took a moment to breathe and leaned back so he could get Gabe to look up at him. âDo you think you can explain how it works to me? I think you might know better than I do.â
Gabe scrubbed his eyes and sat up. âI have an idea, but I don't know for sure. Iâm really not like Eveline, Robbie. She talked like she knew how everything worked and I just donât. I could be really wrong.â
âThat's okay. I don't expect you to know everything, just do your best.â
Gabe kept his eyes down, âSo, the plants and my fr- flowers. My flowers. They connect and talk to each other. You can do that with people too, Robbie. Evie used it to tell everyone what to do, but I think you can just make it smaller. Like connecting just two people.â Gabe looked up at him, âI think sometimes, in our sleep, you and me talk like my flowers. Talking without talking. Showing each other things.â
Okay. That was a lot. It made sense, it did. But accepting that would mean that his brain had been more affected than he thought, that his body was probably more affected than he thought. If they could do this, what else was possible? Knock it off. Solve the problem in front of you.
âAlright. Do you know how to stop it?â
Gabe shook his head. âNo. I thought my flowers made you sick and that was why we dreamed together, but it's not that. It takes a lot to break that connection.â Robbie remembered Gabe stomping on one of his flowers until it was nothing but a smudge on the forest floor. Probably not a good method to repeat.Â
He fiddled with the hem of his shirt, âMaybe we could just try to have good dreams instead?â
Robbie let out a short laugh, âThat would be nice. Iâd like to have good dreams with you. What would we dream about?â
âHmmmmm⊠maybe ice skating? I can actually try it now! Ninja Wolf went ice skating before and he looked so awesome. He hopped on his swords and skated around on them, Robbie!â
Robbie would almost assuredly fall on his ass right away, but he would gladly take a dream about repeatedly slipping on ice over what their nightmares had been in the past. âThat sounds nice. Do you want me to put you to bed downstairs and see if you can dream that?â
âNo!â Gabe hugged Robbie tight again.
âOkay, that's okay, hey,â he started petting Gabes head again, âdo you want to just stay with me tonight?â Gabe nodded and sniffled. âAlright, here let's just get a little more comfortable.â
He leaned back until he was resting just a little upright on his pillow so Gabe could lie down. His arms stayed wrapped tight around Robbies torso, like he was scared heâd disappear. Robbie shimmied the blankets up and over to cover them both.
âYou know Iâm not going anywhere, right?â
Gabe hugged him tighter and looked up at him very seriously, âI don't care if our dreams are close. I want to be actually close.â
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. âI want that too.â
They slept dreamlessly.Â
#it made me sad to realize that I probably wont be getting this next comic update out until next month#and having a whole month between updates SUCKS#cause I have all these ideas and i want to share them with all of you SO BAD but I also want them to be GOOD and that takes TIME#FUckin. MEAN.#my fic#weird. to be tagging that. aight#my art#ghost rider re7 au#robbie reyes#gabe reyes#tw suicide#<- not really? Cause getting shot in the head would only set him back like 5 minutes. but given that he does DO THAT i think the warning#- applies. just to be safe <3
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i. am so mad. i'm mad at season 4 and at every one of you that interacted with my last post abt vld season 3. i know u were all sitting there giggling at me as i walked into s4 knowing full well it was going to destroy me. no WARNING??? i don't even want to sit down and write about it, i'm gonna start crying all over again
i hate that keith left the team. i have to actually practice breathing techniques right now because it's making me so mad omg. i know i said last time that voltron without lance was unthinkable, but i didn't mean that keith should leave. THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!!!! that also means that there was less keith (and klance) content this season, which i take personally. they did that to hurt me specifically. and on top of that, the team was being so mean about keith's wavering priorities. i feel like when anything goes wrong, with lance and keith specifically, everyone is so mean to them??? god forbid they make a mistake or have personal struggles, DAMN
i feel like this screencap says it all.
guys how about let's talk to each other instead of being passive aggressive and icing people out (i do want to point out though that lance seems more sad/disappointed here than anything. my little klance heart is breaking đ) AND THIS SCENE??
the moment i realized keith was about to walk in my stomach dropped. they all look so angry and here comes Mister Puppy Eyes McGee. i actually can't take it that's my son everyone leave him alone!!! đ€șđ€șđ€șđ€ș i know they had a big group hug after but that's not good enough for me, they should have tied keith up or handcuffed him to the ship, or something. WHY ARE WE LETTING HIM GO WITH THE BLADE OHMYGODDDD
look at this, like??
the camera setup is what gets me. you have keith smiling with all of his friends in the background and then it swaps to a dark, yawning hallway with the most heartbreaking frown on his face. that doesn't look like someone sure of their decisions to me. this boy is in pain!! i'm also just confused about shiro being able to pilot the black lion. maybe confused isn't the right word, but i'm not sure how to describe it. i'm not convinced?? black already denied him, so why now? i kinda feel like it would've been better had he not tried to reconnect with her at the end of last season, because there was no suspense for me this time. the moment he decided to go try again i was like "oh it's gonna work this time isn't it" i get that it's likely black could sense keith's internal struggles and feel him pulling away and maybe that's why she gave shiro a second chance, but shiro becoming the black paladin again gave keith the excuse to leave, because why do they need him now? they have a black paladin, and it's not him. but to me, it should have been. he went through all of that growth last season, and for what?? just to abandon them when things get rocky?? ugh, i hate this!!
i can't even talk about episode 2 without crying, so just know that i'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face as i write this. i was really excited to finally get some closure on the whole pidge-missing-family mystery, considering that's been a subplot since the beginning of the show. as much as this episode broke my heart, i really did love it. they executed it so well. the scene where pidge lands on that planet with the graves? and they're running and pleading for it to not be true, all the flashbacks of cherished memories and images of matt? dropping to her knees in front of his grave in disbelief??
now that's fucking cinema. you best believe i was bawling my eyes out the whole time. i have a little sister and our relationship is very similar to pidge and matt's, so this was just excruciating. i'm very glad he wasn't actually dead, but part of me almost wishes he was? that sounds SO dark, i hope you guys get what i mean. they just put the audience through the absolute wringer and then they're like "oh, actually he's still alive LOL gotcha!" and that makes me really happy for pidge, but man, what a plot twist that would have been. they've been searching for their brother all this time, so you expect some kind of payoff for dedicating so much time to that storyline, but what if he was just dead?? and there was nothing she could do?? wow this is painful to talk about why did i start watching this show if there's a fic where someone explores that possibility then pls share, for some reason i want to torture myself again, i just love how they did this episode. it's very trope-y, but sometimes you just have to lean into it and enjoy, and this was one of those times
the classic fighting-each-other-unknowingly and middle-of-the-fight-identity-reveal? i'll eat it up every time!!
real talk though why is matt so attractive đ
soo, zarkon is back. fantastic. do he and haggar just not care about each other?? they haven't mentioned the fact that they're married at all and haggar basically still acts like his loyal follower. i'd entertain the thought that maybe it's been so long that it just doesn't really matter to them anymore, but haggar sounded like she actually cared when she realized they were husband and wife last season. but now it's like nothing happened?? i don't expect them to act all lovey-dovey, but there wasn't even a single line of acknowledgment. and i still cannot understand what lotor's plans are. what is his agenda? he wasnât bothered at all by zarkon reclaiming the throne, and even went to the trouble to make them think he cared. he got that comet and made a couple of ships, but i still don't know what he plans to do with them. alsoâ i can't believe he killed narti!! i know, i was literally just talking about how she specifically frustrated me, but i was so not expecting their death. i get why he did it, but now the rest of his group doesn't trust him.
i'd say that the one bright spot in this season was episode four. that episode was just so silly and gave me so much secondhand-embarrassment i actually had to look away at times LMAO is this where we got the whole Loverboy Lance and Lone Wolf Keith thing from?? i thought that was purely fandom-made, i was not expecting to hear that in an actual episode. talk about whiplash. and we got this ICONIC scene:
he did that wayyy too naturally. lance, buddy, got anything to share?
i really would have loved to see keith with the team during that episode. i can just imagine how he would've reacted to having to do all of that stuff. god, that would've been hysterical!! the images of the parasite in coran's brain made me gag though, was that really necessaryđ§ââïž
i don't have a ton to say about the final episodes. i mean, it was two episodes of them fighting on naxzela. it was definitely a bit of an avengers endgame feeling with all people they helped in previous seasons showing up to fight, so that was cool! i'm curious as to what purpose naxzela served to the galra empire though. were they always planning to use it as a bomb? and couldn't they still do that technically? they only broke the witches connection with it, so all they'd have to do is get another ship out there and she could do it again. what do you even do with a planet like that?? just destroy it?? i also just want to point out that lance said they should get out of there immediately, and nobody listened!! and then five seconds later they were like "oh no, we need to get out of here!" justice for lance i stg ohmygod and LOTOR is on their side now?!?!?! i actually can't wait to see how this plays out!! total transparency, i love atla and i could absolutely see this being a zuko redemption arc situation. it's clear his parents don't like him at all (are they actually heartless or something??) so why not join the other side!! I'M HERE FOR IT
i have to be honest, this definitely wasn't my favorite season. we're getting into the later seasons and i've heard plenty about how the writing goes a little left-field (though i'm not sure when that happens. most people seem to agree season 8 is shit, but i've heard complaints about s6-7 as well) so we'll just have to see! i'm sticking it out as best i canđ¶ââïžââĄïž onto season 5!
#vld#voltron#voltron season 4#adie's voltron watchthrough#keith kogane#i was not kidding about episode two btw#any time u want to feel something just watch that episode
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"Just yourself be, if weird is you."
I don't often get annoyed by Rhett or Link, and it is probably a strong word to use even now, but...today's Ear biscuits episode kinda made me growl at Rhett a little.
I'm not going to talk about the entire episode, but the guys were answering listener questions, and the last one was about midlife crises, if they have them and how.
Now, as someone who is less than a year younger than Link, I've probably tackled a crisis of my own in the recent times. (You could say my entire adult life has been a crisis, but I won't.) But I loved Link's explanation of his midlife crisis, which was basically finding the limits of how weird he can be without making Christy scratch her head too much. Like, Link basically said he is still exploring what he is and what he wants to be (and I'm not implying he was talking about his sexual identity - I think he meant he is exploring his identity in a broader context of being human). Rhett took this as an opportunity to remind Link that when someone chooses to be "weird", they need to understand that it might impact their relationships. And at that point, I growled.
I'm a weirdo. I spent way too many years of my life trying not to be weird. The funny (not really) thing was, trying to act normal only made me sick, made me behave in a very unnatural, stiff way around other people, and I was miserable. I dare to say, nowadays, after, thanks to a lot of soul-searching, therapy and embracing my true self, I come across much more likable than before. I'm not tense, I don't need to put on a mask, and I am more comfortable with myself, which just makes me more fun to be with. Syre, there are people who think I'm too weird, don't act my age, or make strange stylistic choices. The people I love accept me as I am, and I may have infected them with dashes of self-acceptance, too. So, grrr at you, Rhett.
Seriously though, I love that Link is less tense these days. I know some people are annoyed by him, but I love how he has blossomed from an antsy guy who stuck to wearing t-shirts and jeans to an actual fashion icon. He's less afraid of showing his emotions these days (good and bad), and he's just overall more at ease. I'd hate for his loved ones to try to tame him too much, and I hated the way Rhett managed to make his advice sound like a threat that if Link gets too weird, he'll lose some of his relationships.
Maybe I heard more than was said. Maybe this rubbed me the wrong way, because I see myself in Link more than I do in Rhett, and I recognize the things Link said in myself. I hope to hear other people's thoughts on this episode, and this answer about midlife crisis in particular.
Also, for anyone planning to go hiking with a cat: I love the idea, and if I see you with your cats on the trails I take, I want to be your friend. I have been known to lightly stalk a lady who was in the library with her cat on her shoulders, just so I could coo at the furbaby.
#ear biscuits#ear biscuits 448#grrr#i had thoughts#so i wrote them down#midlife crisis#rhett and link
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AITAH - I (~400/M) didn't tell my adoptive father (~450/M) that his bio son (~400/M) is back from the dead
I have a bit of a problem. A bit over a year ago my cousin, let's call him "John", died. He and my uncle "Zac" (John's biological father) never had a good relationship and John left the family when he was a teenager. I stayed with my uncle my whole life. We have had little to no contact with John over the years.
Zac never really saw me as a son because he always hoped he would reconcile with John. But after John's death, Zac actually accepted me as his son! (Still incredibly happy about that!)
Now on to the problem: a couple weeks ago, John was brought back to life by some stupid kids, and they did it wrong. John is actually considering coming back home now, and as soon as he does, I'll be kicked out for sure.
So of course I didn't tell Zac, even though I knew from the start that John was back. Now he's kinda pissed (nothing new, he always finds something to complain about) and demands an explanation.
I just wanted to be his son a little bit longer and there was no harm in not telling him John was back. I can understand that he is pissed, but AITAH?
*sorry if the ages don't make any sense, I can't remember anymore when we were born exactly
EDIT: why is everybody so confused by our age? I need help with my problem, not people making jokes!
EDIT 2: no, the coming back from the dead is not a joke, either, and yes, I do know what a troll is and I can assure you I am not one. My uncle actually killed the last one a few years ago.
EDIT 3: Everyone who says my relationship with my uncle is toxic and manipulative doesn't know what they're talking about, so thanks for nothing.
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They can probably all see a bit of themselves in Omega, even if they don't quite understand it. She's like the version of themselves that could have been, if not for Kamino and being raised as child soldiers.
I think part of the reason Hunter focuses on Omega is that she's the one thing he can actually do something about. Can't do anything about Crosshair, can't do anything about the Empire, doesn't feel like he can do anything about Cid and is probably hoping that just following her orders will eventually yield a good result, even though it never does.
But Omega looks at him with those big brown eyes like he hung the stars and only wants stuff he can actually give. She is a source of positive feedback and affection and frankly probably the only thing keeping him sane (see S3, where he kinda went off the deep end the second she's gone).
Realistically, Hunter has always kinda had the Dad/Ori'vod/Big Bro vibes, he was just used to applying them to three chaos gremlins around his own age and with a common military background. Cut's child rearing advice was just a bit of a tweak to his existing process to be a bit more Very Smol Baby focused.
However, Cut's running away advice was much, much scarier. Basically "stop doing the only stuff you know how to do". Cut himself had Suu to support him through that transition. Hunter and the boys don't. They would if they stayed together but I also think at that point in S1 he kind of thought they'd be able to retrieve Crosshair and things might go back to "normal" relatively soon.
If you've read any stories written by kids who were raised super isolated from the outside world and how they struggled to adapt - they're like that. But I don't think they know they're like that.
They've had so many experiences, but not the ones they need now. They're in a position where they don't know they don't know and nobody is telling them. They're very smart, but they just have so little exposure to those different to themselves.
If we compare S1 Hunter to Old Hunter from the end of S3, the difference is palpable. Not just because he's older but because support was provided.
I can absolutely see Shep and Phee getting all the local parents and grandparents and aunties and uncles who can give good advice together, cracking out some BBQ and beers, and lubricating the boys until they talk about their issues. So they can finally get them some damn help.
---
Anyway, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. It feels like the most coherent thing I've managed to write in a while, and as you can see, it still gives me feels. It was kinda spawned from reading too many "why didn't Hunter try harder to rescue Crosshair?" posts.
They are so messed up is why. They're broke and homeless is why. They are this close to living in a cardboard box under a bridge and they don't even know. They can barely rescue themselves, let alone Crosshair.
Clone Force 99 was in trouble
We donât really talk about just how bad a situation CF99 was in post-Aftermath.
So we have a group of guys who have been raised as soldiers and have functioned in a military their entire lives. They have been fed, clothed and supplied by a military their entire lives. Zero experience with anything else. And then they have to run away from everything they know with nothing but a ship, whatever is on that ship, whatever they are wearing and +1 child.
We then see that they really have no clue how to function outside the military. They have a fairly limited understanding of the value of a dollar. They do not know how to get a job, despite having valuable skills. Thereâs no indication they are living anywhere but on their fairly small ship.
Most importantly, they are unable to identify that they are being financially manipulated by Cid. Tech occasionally mentions that sheâs unreliable and shorting them pay, but none of them seem to understand that she is systematically taking advantage of them. Cid is effectively a loan shark, intentionally locking them in with arbitrary debt and using their financial naivety to keep them working for her.
Echo is the only one to point out that they could just leave, but they donât. Rex even comes along and offers them a way out. Hunter isnât wrong to say they want something different, but heâs struggling to achieve that and doesnât really know what the options are. It kind of feels like he misses the big picture of what is being offered.
Rex is in a much better position because he is a bit more worldly but also has support from Ahsoka and other contacts outside the military. People who can help him with all of the things that CF99 is struggling with. He also has a goal and a sense of community with other clones that CF99 lacks.
It does feel like CF99 takes comfort in having a chain of command and being in a position where someone is taking care of supplying them, even though itâs actually digging them a deeper hole. It isnât until mid-Season 2 when Phee comes along and introduces them to a community that they start learning how to cope outside of those structures.
Crosshair is kind of in the opposite situation. Heâs still getting supplied by the military but heâs also getting love bombed by the fascists with his fancy new title and all the fun explosives and stuff. He thinks heâs being valued for being special, rather than being used as a convenient tool. He feels like they could just have all this great stuff too, if only they come join the Empire, when in reality he is also in a lot of danger.
Itâs rather ironic that Crosshair and Hunter are both able to see each otherâs situations for what they are, but not their own.
#sorry i got enthusiastic again#long post#star wars#star wars the bad batch#star wars meta#tbb omega#tbb hunter#tbb crosshair#tbb wrecker#tbb tech#arc trooper echo#replies
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saw a bit of the one piece fan letter (?) animation thingy and god that style, the way it was animated and the different perspective (it was the bit with the marine guy ar marineford, possibly not even the full part) felt so .. different and refreshing, and i didnt even watch it with the sound
one piece has long lost me, it was my fandom before i got into zelda but around whole cake island i stopped reading/watching and with the reveal about luffys fruit it was the last nail in the coffin for me- still that animation is somethign else ....... almost makes me sad bc it looked so much more interesting than the actual thing is (to me)
#ganondoodles talks#personal#idk what that animation even is#bc its clearly professionally made but also a fan letter?#i almost miss one piece#but dont actually#its yet another one of those things that were my everything for years and years#until it started to turn into things i liked less and less until i was completely alienated from it#the same happened with my previous fandom before even that (transformers prime)#and im afraid its happening wiht zelda now too#even though at least with this one i got a more solid take on the lore and a big project to hold onto#still.... i dont want to lose zelda the same way#but its kidna already happening#i turned into a super lore guy with botw#and now i am just so .. indifferent to it#if totk and eow are anything to go by#.. even though eow isnt as bad as totk in any way i just ... dont care about the lore#and its kinda scary ......... i am so not interested in it ... idk i dont think it can all be bc of its format and style that isnt my thing#of course i am HOPING to like another zelda game ... but i really cant imagine they will make anything better again
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:O
#Wow. Mr Ayatsuji was right#I think it's the first chapter in the entirety of bsd that ever had me go âohâ and âwowâ out loud#This is so cool. I mean not much to see yet but these were all such cool plot twists#For a moment I really feared Dostoyevsky had taken over Gogol? I'm a little glad that wasn't the case poor Gogol#I suppose Bram is now likeâ dead-dead? I'm sorry. Not overly sorry but still sorry. I liked him.#Today I took lunch with a friend and she's a big jj/k fan and was talking about how everyone dies and I was like#âlmao. No one in bsd ever dies. everâ#How to be proved wrong in the span of 2 hours pfftttttt#Anyways I'm SO SO SO SO SO ////////////SO//////////// GLAD THE ACTION IS BACK AT THE AIRPORT. Ss/kk for pride month 2024 I can FEEL it#I think... Maybe? The new mega three sided singularity will create a new ability-entity. It makes sense doesn't it?#Something so powerful to create a new being. Spawning from Fukuchi's body. The dude from the season 5 finale#You know. You saw the similarities with Fukuchi. Yeah It makes sense#Next chapter is going to introduce them then show everyone at loss and desperationâ#and then in the last page Akutagawa's grand entrance as being alive#I'm not even joking btw. It sounds reasonable enough. Akutagawa kinda has a thing with last pages entrances#Gotta explain the new outfit though. Something something and magical girl tranformations#Anywayssssssss good chapter. Hope the next one is going to be even better <3 (sskk đ) (sskk đ) (sskk đ) (sskk đ) (sskk đ) (sskk đ)#random rambles
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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..
#ash rambles đ#negative#part of it is definitely the weather#it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed#but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today#im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up#and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see#me as more than a friend and other stuff like that#i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and#i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that#if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore#what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked#to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s#just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me#being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO#I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me đ i hope that a lot#and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as#though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and#i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA#holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always#bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles#(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too đ#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if#I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be đ#delete later#i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..
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If you ever feel like your not being productive enough (I am going to expose my self a little real quick) just remember that a random stranger on the internet (me) has read a lot of spiderman fanfics (109 different fanfics and 115 including rereads) within the span of a week(that's not even taking in account that have I been going to school for 4 of those days and for the two of them I was practically offline for 12 of the 18 hours I was awake) and the fanfics word count ranged from 1k to 100k with most being about 5-20k words a piece. So you may not be being "productive" but at least you are not obsessedly reading spiderman fanfiction at any chance you get. You're not being productive but I am super not being productive and therefore you are being more productive then someone and to be more productive then someone implies your being productive so why are even worried about not being productive. Also sorta unrelated but if you want recs I have started my reading good ao3 fanfiction era and out of my reading bad wattpad fanfiction era so I have tons of recs :]]
#this only makes sense if you are as delusional as i am#the amazing spider man#spideypool#i could also give recs for drarry (even though i don't read drarry) but not a lot cause most were pretty bad#i kinda use to settle when reading fanfics#but know i have taste#that wasnt attack on drarry shippers i was just talking about my standards like grammar and stuff#i feel like now is a good time to say i have autism and can not read tones well so this not really meant to be mean but only in jest#also feel like i should point out i am currently hyperfixated on spiderman#i hope this reaches the right audience
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i dont wanna eat anything or do anything and i just wanna lay around but i also dont wanna do that and i dont wanna watch anything or read anything and idk what i wanna do
#i was supposed to have someone review my resume and i was banking on the fact that maybe talking to someone instead of being alone in my roo#would help me out but the whole appointment system maker thing was messed up so we couldnt even meet#so i literally hvae nothing better to do than wait the next few days to get back to campus#and i was soooo excited to go back to school and i still am cuz i know itll make me feel better being around people#but im just a lot less excited than i was#cuz i just really really hate the idea of having to spend another fall semester getting over someone#like i couldve probably handled spring semester. but fall semester???? when theres already enough desolateness as it is???#like i just hate hate htae the idea of being on buses and starting to cry again and its midnight at 4pm when im crying#and theres people everywhere and the wrost part is shes literally on the same campus as me!!! so now i might actually see her!!!#and i dont want to!!!#i want to be friends but right now i know if i see her again ill just start sobbing on the spot#i was so excited for thsi fall sem but now im just notttt#and i know ill be busier (hopefully) this sem so im sure ill be better off than last year#but still like. idfk i dont know what to do. i think i just need to hear someone elses voice#im supposed to talk to my friend later today so maybe thatll help#cuz im kinda ready to tell someone about it but what if she telsl me she cant call what am i suppsoed to doooo#cuz last year the person iw as getting over lived a bajillion miles from me so it was easier!!! but she and I live 5 mins from each other#AND SHES FREINDS WITH LIKE ALL MY ROOMMATES#THEYRE ALL HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS !!!!#GODDDD.#i mean there are def upsides to this . for example its good we broke up now#cuz imagine if we broke up cuz of a fight and then thered be a big issue in the friend group#but it ended well and i dont think our friends / roommates will be 'picking sides'#as long as i just dont do anything drastic lol#adn who knows maybe our friendship will bounce back and i really hope it does!!#but she and i didnt start off as friends we kinda went into this knowing we were into each other to begin with#so like how do i be friends with her you know???#and friendship is soo important to me so its not like i dont want to be friends with her. i really really do. i just dont know how itll wor#like i value friendship over romantic relationships any day but also our relationship felt so deep to me#which is why im scared that we wont be friends even though i know we both want to be
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taylor idk who chappell roan is i think that makes me disqualified from being queer forever (âsapphic girl)
She's a musical artist! She's pretty up-and-coming right now and is seen as a wlw queer icon in the music industry, but I've never been able to get into her music even though tons of other sapphics love it. I probably just haven't given it enough of a chance. Casual is a good song though!
#big ol' personal opinions disclaimer down here in the tags. also lisia this is soooo unrelated to your question sorry lol#i also kind of hate a very specific subset of chapelle fans and i can't listen to her without thinking of them dkjfsdkjfnkdsf#which is a really stupid reason to not listen to her music and i know it but alas brains work in weird ways#i don't judge her by her fans! but i just have that tainted association. like how sometimes you feel ill after eating something#and even if that didn't cause you to be sick- you still refuse to eat it afterwards? it's like that#it's not her. she did literally nothing wrong. it's just an unfortunate little brain link that i can't get rid of#saw a couple of fans talking about toxic bisexuals and their 'inferiority complex' and that put me off of her music as a whole tbh#in regards to debates about her sexuality#one was talking about how bisexuals 'marry the patriarchy'.#quote-'bisexuals have freddy mercury. that alone is all you need' :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i'm going to bite someone.#it's like these few specific fans were tailor made to put me off of her#unfortunately i have not gotten past that yet but if i ever can undo that brain association and enjoy her music i will let yall know ksdjks#unfortunately as of right now i am programmed to see her name and think of the (probably very few) jackasses in her fandom#just kinda made me feel unwelcome when i was trying out her music a bit more sadly#it was never her as an artist or a person. just a few idiots but it was enough#idk. i should try again though. chapelle fans. which songs should i try to start again with?#anyways i should probably stop swinging the bat at the biphobia nest lest it come back to bite me but dkjfdksjf yeah tldr she's a musician#a very talented one! just one that i cannot enjoy quite yet. i hope i can kinda defrost about it though
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Fabric stores are so fucking awesome like I get to buy obscure fabric used to keep mosquitoes from getting through the windows and hear old ladies telling the people cutting fabric all their secrets
#the klock keeps ticking#i didnt actually buy the mosquito fabric cuz i dont need that even kinda lol like itd be funny but come on im broke#its cool they were selling that though whodve thunk#i was there to get some black denim cuz im making a skirt for a special friend they tried making it out of their jeans but they arent very#experienced with sewing and long story short it was a whole mess and they gave up and i got sad#so i told them id take a crack at it and im gonna try and have it ready for their birthday which is in a few weeks!#i hope it works out and fits them properly and doesnt fall apart cuz they looked really pretty in it#and it suits them very well and they just deserve a nice skirt for once dammit đș#as for old lady gossip they just love talking about their grandkids and their daughter in law that they hate#i dont think the people working were too happy to see me though they kinda looked at me like i was ruining their day đ©
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You asked for a fic rec so Iâll toss this one at ya: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46767358?view_full_work=true Stick through the formatting for the characterization, tone, and really the whole vibe of this fic. I havenât been able to get the bathroom call between Daigo and Majima out of my head for weeks since I read it with how naturally it all flows. My own little Daigo characterization booklet to review when I feel like I need a refresher on him.
so I may have stayed up until 6am reading this (wouldâve slept earlier but I couldnât stop reading it) and hgggahaghhhhaggahshhhhhhhh that was one of the most well-characterized fics Iâve ever read what the fuck. like the differences in how each character speaks (both tone-wise and in differing levels of authenticity) and how they speak to specific others (the daigo and majima dyanmic specifically- how they actually take into account how long theyâve been working really closely- SO good), the mental anguish and chaos vs the overwhelming emptiness of being daigo dojima but no longer The 6th Chairman Daigo DojimaâŠâŠâŠ.I could keep going but I think you get it.
tbh Iâd been wanting to write something exploring a similar set of dynamics/situation (post-kiryuâs fake death, interactions with haruka, daigo, and/or majima specifically, reflecting on his shortcomings while acknowledging the heavy Grief left behind) but now Iâm like. well I still could but this was so well written in regards to daigo and haruka that, as far as something between those two goes, I donât feel the need to.
thanks for the recommendation! my brain is broken now (affectionate)
#rambling#fics#fic rec#thereâs a little bit of minedai in there via flashback but I donât know if im gonna put this in my minedai tag cause itâs really#not tecccchnically a minedai fic. itâs just. a daigo-centric fic/study more than anything#my favorite more lighthearted moment in this story is daigo talking to haruka in Okinawa after like 3 years and hearing about her#âsituationshipâ with yuta and how itâs just more convenient to tell people theyâre a legit couple and daigoâs immediate response on impulse#is just. âthat must be nice. I mean that you can do that. if it were two guys or two girls or something you wouldnât be able to do that.â#or something like that and simultaneously sweating because he has no fucking idea why heâs saying that and canât find a way to abort#my only critique is that I was hoping heâd come out to her (probably on the scene after that where itâs just them sitting on the deck)#and it wouldnât even have to be a Big Thing itâs just. it felt like it was leading up to that (whether coming out on purpose or on accident)#but ah well#donât get me wrong I think she could probably figure it out on her own based on the fact that daigoâs never had a girlfriend to her#knowledge and is in his 40s + that weird little gay tangent he went on earlier out of the blue#if anyone could pick it up though context clues and hints itâd be haruka and akiyama The Investigators. and oh no. looks like thatâs#exactly who heâs stuck with#id love to see an update cause of this oh mannnn#(if anyone could pick it up itâd be those two + also majima but I kinda figured at this point majima would almost certainly already know#they seem like they have a mutual (possibly unspoken) recognition of one another on that front. based a little on what daigo says about#âwhen kiryu says jump you say how highâ and majima floundering a little before admitting âyou know I canât resist those big#brown puppydog eyesâŠâ like i know thatâs not too on the nose but itâs enough of a casual acknowledgement to Me that it feels⊠idk it just#feels like they Know. it just makes sense. and I hope they do cause itâd feel a little less lonely and terrifying to be gay in that world if#that were the case. yet another thing making it feel like majimaâs a way more viable parent figure to him than kiryu fr frâŠâŠ#anyway I could keep going forever so I should probably stop#Iâve never considered how daigo would interact with akiyama and now theyâve got me intrigued. I really hope they update this with something#daigo#I really think a chunk of this fanbase (particularly The Queers) understand daigo as a character better than rgg studio does. and cares more
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just finished jade war. Um âŒïž
#girl. i have never been more stressed reading a book oh my goddddd those final few chapters had me by the fucking throat#i gasped countless times. i had to put the book down and PACE and that never happens ever .......#every moment i wasn't reading my gut was roiling with anxiety wondering what was going to happen next#fonda lee had me on the edge of my fucking seat that's for sure#okay im going to talk about spoilers now so look away if you must#THE DEATH SCARES WITH RU AND WEN AND ANDEN HAD ME SCREAMINGGGGG I WAS SO SCARED WTF#also we Love the poetic cinema of andenâs climactic scene in the first book being him taking away life and then in this book#it's him giving life back#LOVE!!!!!!! and he was always good at channeling so it ties in beautifully#also this is sooooo trivial but even though i was actually kind of heartbroken he broke things off with coryâ#i hope he can try something with lott đ like. please....he had a crush on this emo kid for the longest time back at the academy. so cute#but i mean they're two very different people now so i'd understand if that doesn't happen but now that anden is back in janloon i really#hope he and lott can like. spend more time together and get to catch up#ANYWAY!!!!!! i need to talk about BERO bc for some reason i ended up getting sooo attached to him#like yeah he's an awful street rat who's done awful things but he's just trying to make something out of his life#also Love how he's bestowed with such turbulent luck as it's stated over and over again like literally Anything could happen to bero#but i was kinda sad when mudt jr was murdered (that scene gave me chills btw it was so horrific...green bones don't mess around)#bc he and bero Were kinda sorta friends and i loved their constant bickering and how they did come to appreciate each other's company :(#also obsessed with how the books start and end with bero like oh shit i wonder what godawful scheme he's trying to pull off now#boy....just let it rest!!!! you have a proper job at a restaurant now you could make a normal life for yourself!!!!#now he wants to ruin the clans by joining the rebellion.....of courseeeee#anyway bero is a delight and i love seeing where fate takes him he really is a plaything of the gods#god i still can't believe kehn is dead :(((( are you fucking kidding me. AND MARO. that was fucked up.#also hellooooo i need ayt madashi pov chapters right nowwwww she's such an enigma she's so scary i need to know what goes on in her head#also. girl. the cycle of violence is going to keep happening over and over as long as rhe clans still stand :/#the mountain and no peak are just going to keep trying to get the upper hand on each other no matter how much they talk about peace#maybe i agree with and support bero after all hfkshfhdh maybe a rebellion is what's needed after all#bc they're just going to keep going at each other's throats#i need jade legacy right nowwww hopefully i get it from the library in the next few days
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So I just finished binging Captain Lazerhawk, and that was one of the most insane things I've ever watched. It was kinda outside of what I typically watch due to personal preference, but I do have thoughts and possible spoilers, so I'll put a cut just to be safe. Don't think anything is to specific, but whatever.
I typically go for more lighthearted/less-violently-murdering-main-characters-right-off-the-bat type shows. I like fluff, or at least something that I can force my own fluff in somewhere. This was very much not that. I'm sure someone could think of some way to do that, but I honestly can't. It was just intense from beginning to end. I didn't get a lot of time to breathe, and I learned pretty quickly that getting attached to any of these characters was probably only going to hurt me in the long run.
I do not thing I'm expressing my brain properly right now but I'm tired and you probably get the gist. I like things that are generally a little calmer/softer. And less aggressively violent at every turn, as cools as the action scenes were. And less murder-happy on the characters I was just starting to like :(
I mean, the fact that the only Ubisoft Games I've played that got refrenced are Just Dance and a few Rayman games probably influenced my opinion on it somewhat. But whatever.
Seeing Rayman going balistic on live TV over a xenophobic power ranger knockoff, triggering an arc that ends with him duel wielding tommy guns was an absolute ride. It was great. Loved pretty much every one of his scenes.
The fact the show was allowed to do half that crap with so many properties is insane. And Ubisoft 100% supported all of it. Wild.
As much as I can say it wasn't really my thing, it was pretty good. I really hope this ends up being a landmark for things to come. Seeing franchises allowed to be used so freely is amazing. If someone tried to bring an idea like that to Nintendo I'm pretty sure they'd be taken out back and shot for even daring to suggest it. Their stuff is generally more family friendly, so maybe not the best example, but. Most companies treat their IPs with so much caution that it prevents anything even close to this from being anything more than a fanfic fever dream.
Loved the video game animation styles that kept popping up. Dating sim, top-down stealth, platformer fighter, live action-ish, ect. It was cool how much it got used.
TLDR: great series if you're into that, hope it sparks some big changes in the industry because I never thought I'd see the day they could do any of that with recognized characters.
#yeah okay now that I think about it most of my âkinda out of my confort zoneâ things were just the stuff that got it marked TV-MA#I don't usually enjoy shows that go super far into that so you know that checks out#still very much worth talking about though#cryptid says stuff#captain laserhawk#captain laserhawk spoilers#I REALLY hope this is going to spark something even if its not really my thing#cut may not be necessary but I'm tired and taking no chances
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Having s bit of a strange moment
#gamer txt.#ive been thinking a little too much recently when i know its not particularly helpful or enjoyable in any way#im not even sure what set me on this route of thinking about it so much#ive just been really really scared of death recently#its honestly kinda funny because ive been thinking about how much of a joy and a wonder life is so much and somehow didnt think about-#-how thats partially because its brief. its so beautiful and important because its fleeting. one day a life will end and nothing can ever-#-replace it. not perfectly anyway. it'll always be different and unique and youre so lucky to exist at the same time because one of you#-will be gone someday#but oddly enough i never actually think too in depth about death#and im realising again why i dont#because i am so scared#i almost wish i could force myself to be religious so i could have some kind of hope about it. not have to fear it maybe even welcome it#but argh. 's not easy#its especially strange though because ive comforted other ppl who were scared of the potential void of death#by talking about how well its just not existing anymore it wont be a void because we wont be conscious#no reason to be scared of a nothingness you wont be aware of#its just like how you dont remember before being born because you didnt exist. same thing#but now i cant get the idea of an endless eternal void out of my head and i dont like it#i cant believe or take solace in my own words now and i dont know why#its not helping me feel any less scared
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