#but i think that looking back. we were both teenagers desperate for someone's kindness

[haarute]

re: that poll i rb'd earlier. i've only ever been in one relationship which really just fizzled out but in hindsight i think that her just fully vanishing for a couple of months without any contact while i saw her constantly upload photos of her new college life with new friends in social media every day Really hurt me, and having to pretend that it didn't and that i could just shrug that off and tell her that it was okay was the thing that definitely killed that feeling in me

[literaila]

worth

gojo satoru x fem!reader

summary: the past comes back to haunt you, as it usually does.

warnings: angst, allusions to disassociation, hurt/comfort, mama is sad

last part | next part

*

year five.

"wait for me," satoru tells megumi, as soon as he starts walking away. 

you're watching as megumi hangs his head, looking like he'd failed at his one objective--escaping--and turns around, glaring at satoru. 

you've all been out shopping for the past two hours. getting the kids new clothes, shoes, whatever else satoru swears they need... 

honestly, he's kind of cute running around like a maniac from store to store. showing tsumiki a cute dress she could wear, or teasing megumi into trying on a sweatshirt that matches his. 

it's quite possibly the only reason you haven't complained. 

or pointed out that both of the kids are on the verge of whining all the way home. or that he doesn't need to spend 100,000 yen to make them happy. 

"hurry up," megumi tells the man, basically growling at him. 

satoru grins and ruffles his hair, resting a hand on his back as the two of them begin to navigate through the crowd. mostly likely, neither of them knows where they're going. 

you're not even sure where a bathroom is in this district. 

"we'll wait here," you call out, nudging tsumiki. satoru turns briefly to give you a little peace sign, a little grin, and then he murmurs something to megumi you can't hear and they're both gone. 

you're a little worried about them being alone together in this state but you ignore it.

"guess it's just you and me, miki," you say to the little girl at your side. she beams up at you, nodding. "do you want to sit down? how do the shoes feel?" 

"mmm," she looks down, blinking at the sparkly shoes satoru insisted were perfect for her. "they're rubbing at my ankles a little." 

"we can get some new socks, too. that should help. c'mon, i think there's a bench over there." 

she grabs your hand as you begin towards the bench, humming something under her breath. 

you look down to smile at her and don't notice the person walking by, accidentally bumping into them. "oh, i'm sorry, excuse us--" you turn and your entire body lurches away from you. 

for a brief moment, you're not yourself. your conscious moves in an instant, ready to defend itself from everything, anything. you're not yourself, but someone else. someone you used to know very well. 

"i--" you breathe, freezing at the person in front of you. 

tsumiki pulls on your hand a little, confused when you stop suddenly. she looks to the woman standing in front of you, with a bizarre look on her face, and then tsumiki's brown eyes go back to you, her face riddled with curiosity. 

"y/n?"

i don't remember a lot about her but i remember hugging her when she got home from work, and the way she said my name-- 

you want to forget it all. 

it's clear now, several years later, that you would rather forget everything about her--about this woman standing in front of you, basically a reflection of yourself--than have to do this all over again. then have to face the memories of what she did to you. then put that child through any of it. 

"hi--hey," you say because you have to. 

here's the thing about seeing your mom for the first time in a decade: you can't just pretend you didn't. 

you'd like to turn right around and walk away. you'd like to pretend that you've grown sometime in the past nine years, that you've turned into someone who doesn't need to stay and talk to her. you'd like to think that you're someone who can cut her right out of your life and feel all of the better for it. 

but you're not. 

you can't run away from your mother. you can't apologize for bumping into her and turn around with tsumiki's hand in yours and forget about it. actually, you can't even move right now. 

because there's still this girl inside of you.

there's still this child, a teenager who tried so desperately to earn the approval of this woman and never got it. who tried so hard to be everything that this woman wanted, but could never try enough. 

and she's clinging to your chest right now, breathing into your skin like a toxin, digging her nails into your heart and begging you to try again. telling you that you've got another shot, a chance she couldn't have--

so you can't leave now. not when you owe it to her, to yourself to try, to trick yourself into believing that it was just a fault of your own, that your childhood memories are only the result of some flaws you've already fixed. 

you can't walk away when your mind is stuck on her, her, and--tsumiki. 

your broken eyes turn to her.

your little girl who is standing right beside you, waiting for your next move. if you told her to run, she would. if you told her to stay by your side and say nothing, to hide behind you, she would. she wouldn't even ask you what was going on. 

but for no reason at all, you can't tell tsumiki anything. you can't whisper to her that it's fine, that everything is fine. you can't introduce her or drag her away. 

you can't do anything and it's never felt worse. 

"i thought that was you," your mother says, tilting her head at you. she's staring like this is just a casual bump in. like you're colleagues who haven't seen each other since she went on vacation. "you look... grown." 

you feel naive. there's nothing you can say to this woman to prove to her that you're better than you were. that you're far too good for her.

"thanks," you whisper, even though you know it's not a compliment. it's an instinct to appeal to her. to be polite and perfect.

your mom clasps her hands together. if you were looking at her--which you're not, you wouldn't dare--you might be able to tell that she's uncomfortable with you being there. almost surprised. 

maybe she just assumed that you'd die as soon as you left the comfort of your childhood home. maybe she thought that they would've kicked you out of jujutsu high a day after you arrived, leaving you to starve on the street just like she did. 

"well, how are you?" 

you swallow. "i'm good." 

she nods, and then she looks to your side and finally notices tsumiki there. 

tsumiki, with her precious face, her beautiful brown eyes, and carefully organized hair. 

you're not sure what your mother sees when she looks at her.

you wish more than anything that you could hide her. you don't want your mom's--you don't want this woman's eyes on her. you don't want her to say a single word to your daughter. 

"and who's this?" 

but you can't just send her away. you have no idea where satoru went, and tsumiki can't walk around on her own. not right now, not when you're so preoccupied. 

you just can't walk away. 

tsumiki holds her hand out, just like you taught her. "i'm tsumiki fushiguro." 

"it's nice to meet you," your mother answers, shaking her hand warily like she's certain that she might get an infection from tsumiki's skin. and then she looks at you, not daring to ask what she wants to.

you clench your jaw, wanting to slap her hand away from tsumiki. 

you should've put up a barrier a minute ago. the only possible block between you and a woman who doesn't deserve the pleasure of meeting tsumiki. who deserves no explanations from you. 

but your cursed energy is frozen in place, and you know that if you shut yourself in, you'll never get back out. 

"my daughter," you add, a bit louder now. 

your mom's eyebrows raise immediately and she pauses, looking between the two of you, searching for some useless resemblance. like it isn't obvious that you share a bond, just from the way your hands are intertwined. like it's not obvious that you braided tsumiki's hair, or helped her pick out the shoes she's wearing. 

like it might not be true. 

still, she asks tsumiki, "how old are you?" 

"twelve." 

and you know where her mind goes immediately. thinking that it can't be possible. she knew you when you were twelve, and you certainly weren't pregnant with the little girl standing beside you. you certainly weren't developing any maternal skills locked away in your room, with only the curse that liked to hide in the walls to teach you.

it brings that resentment to the surface of your core, threatening to burst through your skin. you feel suddenly so angry you can't bear it. 

and you're not that girl anymore, you realize. you haven't been since you met nanami and haibara and satoru. 

since you learned that you were only a child and not a trophy that needed to live up to its name. 

"well," your mom sighs, shaking her head. "i can't say this is what i expected." 

"excuse me?" 

"really, what do you know about children, y/n? don't you think you're a little young?" 

tsumiki looks up at you with a frown, about to ask what she means when you stop her. 

you squeeze her hand and look away, into the eyes of the woman who created you--who has that string of biology she just judged you and tsumiki for lacking--and still didn't care. 

she is nothing if not the proof that dna means absolutely nothing. 

"what do you know about children, mom?" you repeat, rhetorically. "at least i know that a ten-year-old shouldn't spend every hour of the day locked in their room, waiting for someone to come let them out." 

"i'm shocked that you--" 

"at least i know that a child is a gift and not a toy to hide away when you get bored of it." 

your mom scoffs. "i can't believe this--"

"neither can i," you say and look to your daughter, who's got wide brown eyes and a confused sort of fear on her face. she doesn't need to hear anything else you have to say to this woman. you smile at her, soft as ever. "go look for dad, okay? he shouldn't be far." 

it's been five minutes, and satoru's probably right around the corner, you rationalize. he's going to come pick up tsumiki and rescue you any second now. 

tsumiki nods immediately, letting go of your hand. she turns to go do what you said, but before she can there's a strong hand on your shoulder, a body right beside yours, and you almost gasp in relief. 

"found him," tsumiki tells you, softly. 

you turn to satoru, wanting to beg him to carry you away from her, to get you away from her--but the words won't come. you're too struck by the view of his face, and the knowledge that when you finally escape from this, he's going to be right there. 

satoru was there the first time, and he'll linger for the second. 

his shaded eyes look back at you, observing for a second, reading your mind, and then he turns. 

megumi is trailing at his side, holding a shopping bag. he looks between this stranger and you, a cautious look on his face. 

tsumiki is telling him something without any words. 

"hello," satoru says, smoothly, breaking the silence. "i don't believe we've met. do you know y/n?" 

your mother frowns, scoffing. "i'm her mother." 

you can see it when satoru reels back, looking between the two of you for a moment, an intense realization on his face. 

maybe he can see the resemblance. the face that might be your own in just a few years. 

or maybe, finally, he can feel the horrors of being raised by her. all of the things you've never dared to tell him. 

you're pleading satoru for something with your eyes but you're not even sure what.

"there's another one?" your mom asks, almost disgusted, as satoru processes. "how old are you?" 

megumi frowns. he walks over to tsumiki, who's already picked up your hand, and asks you: "this is your mom?" 

you nod at him, relieved more than anything that he's there, with the rest of you. and that if you can't explain, satoru will handle it. 

megumi considers it for a second. "are you sure?" 

and you want to laugh so abruptly that it shocks you. you want to grab him by the face and kiss all across his cheeks. 

tsumiki is already smiling at you like she knows this. her grip is strong against yours.

satoru smiles at your mom, a vicious ugly thing. "did you need something from her?" 

"i--no, we just ran into each other," she tells him, seemingly confused by his entire presence. she looks at you. "who is he? another child of yours?" 

satoru licks his lips. "not quite." 

you're about to answer when he grabs your empty hand, shaking his head. "i don't think there's anything y/n needs to say to you," he tells her, coldly. then he looks at you. "is there?" 

"no," you whisper, coveting the feeling of his hand in yours. the two children at your side, who know what it's like to be loved. megumi and tsumiki, who will never feel unwanted, as long as you have a say in it. 

satoru nods, guffly, and turns. "it was a pleasure to meet you," he says, and he moves all of you away. you can almost feel it when he shields the three of you from the rest of the world.

with his hand in yours, the other in tsumiki's, and megumi on the other side of her, satoru leads you all away from her. 

and you let him. because the three of them are more of a family--a better, safer one--than that woman ever was. 

you can't thank them all for being there, being yours, in this moment, but you will. 

at least you know that. 

*

satoru has been watching you for hours. 

since you all got home and the kids' questions began. 

that was your mom? 

yes. 

why haven't we met her before? 

i haven't seen her in a long time. 

was she upset? 

yes. 

why? 

because i'm happier than she thought i'd be, you said, i have a better family. 

are we going to see her again? 

absolutely not. 

after that, the two of them quieted. satoru could tell that they had more questions, that megumi was curious and tsumiki was worried--but neither of them continued. 

it was almost unspoken that you couldn't take much more. that you needed a break from it, even if you wouldn't say. so they both moved on, resuming their usual antics and talking about the clothes they got, when and where they'd wear them. 

well, mostly tsumiki. but megumi entertained her thoughts for a while at least. 

satoru just watched you. the tiny break within your eyes, the gap between you and the rest of the world. you've remained all the same since you got home. cursed energy small, unchanging. your face in one position like it'll kill you to move it. 

satoru can't stand it, but he doesn't want to intrude. he doesn't want you to push him away too. 

so he only sat there, trying to fill your role (which was impossible) at the dinner table. 

and several hours later, after dinner, after space, satoru still hasn't brought it up. 

but he doesn't get the chance to. because as soon as you've put both of them to bed--insisting on tucking them in and talking to them both separately tonight, like you're making up for something--you're sneaking into satoru's room. 

and he's waiting like he always is. his arms are wide open when you walk into the room, and there's not a moment of hesitation before you fall into them. you don't blink or breathe before you're right against him, keeping yourself up with nothing more than blood and bone. 

satoru hugs you close to him, trying to let everything he feels go, just for you. 

(because he's just angry. 

he's angry that she showed up and ruined your day. he's angry that he wasn't there to keep it from happening. he's angry that when he walked over he could tell there was something wrong because you were frozen--because you were almost barren. no cursed energy, no expression. nothing to draw him to you like usual. 

and he's so angry that he can't do anything to fix it. 

so angry that being the strongest sorcerer of the modern age means nothing when he really needs it to. 

satoru isn't a person who hates. he never hated the people who attempted to tie him down as a kid so he couldn't escape observation. he didn't hate toji when he cut him through the throat. he didn't hate suguru for leaving, or yaga for asking why he didn't stop him. 

he doesn't hate. 

but he hates her.

for taking your face and twisting it around. for stealing your childhood and pretending like she didn't. for holding your precious heart in her hands and acting like it was nothing of value.

he hates her.) 

you both sit there, rocking back and forth, sinking together for a moment. 

and then you sniff, and satoru closes his eyes against your head, not sure what to say to make it all better. 

what he can do to erase this feeling from your body. what he can do to prove to you that you're worth so much more. 

"do you think i'm a good mom?" you whisper to him, as he moves back and forth. 

his heart pauses, needing a moment to consider this. to not feel a fire in his soul at the very suggestion. 

satoru pulls back, frowning. and he makes sure that your eyes are on his when he says, "there's not a person in the world who could take better care of them than you do," he swears, feeling like it's the most honest thing he's ever said. 

he wants to brand the words into your skin just so you never ask such a ridiculous question again. 

"thank you," you say, voice breaking, and satoru wipes the tears falling down your cheeks away. each one a different memory, a terrible moment where someone showed you that you didn't matter. 

and when they continue to fall, satoru continues to wipe them away. 

"do you want to talk about it?" he asks, almost hesitating. he's not sure that he can handle hearing about it--but he would if you needed him to. 

"not tonight," you whisper and fall against him again. 

satoru holds you close. 

and he swears, to whoever is listening, that he'll love you enough to make up for that woman. he'll love you enough to make up for everything.

he loves you enough to be sure of it. 

*

next part | series masterlist

[sonamytrash]

Midnight

Underground Virgin!Levi x Virgin!Femreader

MDNI

Warnings: y/n used, Childhood friends to lovers, fluff, smut, puberty mentioned, masturbation mentioned, fingering, sex, mentions of abuse, mentions of rape, mentions of prostitution, characters ages aren't mentioned, but it's suggested they're both in their late teens, of age when writing but could be interpreted as underage? Virgin levi, virgin reader.

Note: Kind of wanted to write something about Levi losing his virginity and give him the blessing of something in his life that wasn't all bad. Reader and Levi have grown up together. Feelings have blossomed, and desires have been ignited over the years. The underground is a tough place to live with sex and violence everywhere. There's no smut in the first chapter, but it is heavily suggestive. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!

-----------------

In a world where the sun never shines, where the only light comes from flickering Street lights, candles, and the occasional spark from a fire, three souls found solace together in front of a fire. The underground city was a maze of dimly lit tunnels, cramped living quarters, and a constant struggle for survival. You had grown up together, survived together, and lived together in this harsh, unforgiving environment.

Your landlord was a cruel and greedy man, having come to you the with news that he wanted his rent earlier than usual, probably because he owed someone else the money or had pissed his own money up the wall. You couldn't afford to be out on the streets again. It wasn't hard to find a crook to rent a small apartment to three teenagers. But his terms were unreasonable.

Desperation and stress hung heavy in the air. You were usually the type to try and remain cheery, strong, and resilient, but these sorts of situations made you anxious. Finding money down here was hard enough, but being given less time to find it was so much more stressful. "I-I don't know what we're going to do," you stammered. "There has to be some way to make the money quickly." Furlan said thoughtfully as he tried to reassure you, but even his words sounded hollow. It really wasn't much time to get the money together.

You were always aware of the easiest way for a girl to make money down here. Selling your body to some piece of shit man to use for pleasure. It was quick and easy cash that much was true. If you were lucky enough to get paid, that is. The attempt to make any money that way came with many risks. Most women down here lived in fear of getting raped, abused, and even killed before the added risk of being a working girl. Having grown up with Levi and Furlan, they had kept you safe. Currently, you worked a part-time job at the morgue, which didn't pay well but allowed you to learn and study to some extent. But in recent years, since hitting puberty and developing into a young woman, the pressure had been more intense, men often offering plenty of money for the opportunity to have their way with you. Although this sort of interaction would result in being beaten to a pulp by Levi, he would die before he allowed you to have to resort to sex work. And you were grateful for that. The thought of having to resort to prostitution, a common but desperate measure, filled you with dread.

Levi, said nothing. He just stared at the floor, his jaw tightening with anger. You glanced at him, concerned. "Levi, if we need the money I can-" You asked softly, stopping when you saw him look up at you, his eyes burning with a fierce protectiveness. "I'm not going to let you do that," he said, his voice steady and unyielding.

You frowned. "It will guarantee us the money."

"Y/N" He said sternly. "I won't let you go out there and sell yourself for us to survive. I'll find another way. I promise." You looked into his eyes, searching for any hint of uncertainty, but found none. There was only determination.

You nod in response, feeling reassured for now by his words. "I've got to go out. I'll be back around midnight, okay?" He states. Again, this wasn't uncommon. You worried about him and where he was going but even if you asked he wouldn't have told you. Criminal and immoral are the exact words that he himself would've used to describe his work, he was probably going to go and find some quick and easy job, guaranteed to pay but always carried so many risks. Furlan smiles gently at you as he follows Levi out of the door.

Having had a bath and tidied up a little. You toss and turn in bed for hours, lost in your own thoughts. You knew Levi would keep you safe to an extent, but nothing was guaranteed down here. Even if you didn't end up in a brothel, there was nothing stopping anyone from breaking into the apartment you shared now while the boys were gone, you could he kidnapped, raped and murdered any night, or day for that matter. You shudder at the thought. You wanted as much of your life to be in your own hands and control as possible. It wasn't like you wanted to stay a virgin forever, while still being young, you were old by the standards of the underground, which made you laugh. You wanted your first time to be something you choose, not something taken from you. You had desires and thoughts late at night like this when you were alone. Always of your stoic companion. You weren't sure when your feelings towards him became romantic, but it frightened you. He was difficult to read, but you were sure that there could be something there. And if there wasn't? Well, you were sure you could convince yourself that you would be satisfied to just be by his side in whatever capacity the universe will allow. Maybe you would be fortunate enough to be born as a princess in the next life, and he would be your Prince charming. You roll your eyes and laugh at the thought. A girl could dream, and your fantasy of prince's, pretty dresses and castles, however impossible it was did help you to fall asleep for a few hours before you were abruptly awoken by the sound of Levi and Furlan returning. You could recognise the sound of Furlans footsteps retiring to his small room at the end of the corridor. It sounded like Levi was still in the living room. You sit up in bed and light a candle.

Levi walks over to your door, having noticed the light emitting from beneath. A heavy sigh escapes him, his eyes carrying a look of exhaustion. As he knocks on your door just once, his voice is soft.

"Can I come in?"

You respond with a sleepy yes, and Levi pauses for a moment before he comes into the room. His eyes shift to your bed, and he realizes that you're only wearing a tank top and underwear. He doesn't let his eyes roam over you for more than a second, trying to focus on something else in the room before speaking up, sounding worried:

"Are you alright? Why aren't you sleeping?"

You smile. "I was, and I wasn't, I fell asleep not long ago, but I heard you come home. Is everything okay?" You ask him concerned.

Levi nods as he sits down on the edge of your bed.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Sorry if I woke you up. You should get back to sleep." He smiles softly, something only you and you alone are ever lucky enough to see. You gently tug his arm. "Stay, just for a little longer." A blush creeping across your cheeks. This was a bold move for you. Maybe you were still slightly delirious from having just woken up.

Levi looks down at your hand as it lays on his arm. A slight blush creeps up on his cheeks as he looks up at you again. Your messy hair, dreary eyes, and smile are just too cute. He doesn't know what he would do without you. He hates that he can't find a way to get you all out of this cesspit. You're like the moon that continues to shine on the darkest night. He's already resided himself to do anything to keep you safe and by his side. He feels guilty that this sight of you is making his cock twitch. The years have been kind to you and you're such a beautiful young woman now, each and every night his hand is tightly gripped around his cock at the thought of you. Seeing you like this, the covers barely covering your panties and your nipples visible through your tank top is all the more fuel for his desires. But he knows how it is for girls down here, he saw what life was like for his mother, he sees it daily in the streets. He would never dream of treating you with anything but the respect you deserve. Not only that, but the thought of jeopardising the relationship that you have now should he tell you how he feels, loosing you would really plummet his life into eternal darkness.

He reaches out and gently tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. "I guess I can stay for a little bit." He says softly. "Since you're such a brat if you don't get your own way." He teases.

You pout playfully at him, he chuckles as he shifts a bit closer to you, now sitting next to you with his arm around your shoulder, you nestle into his chest. A slight blush appears on his cheeks, which he immediately hides by turning his face away from you. "You're not still worrying about the money, are you? Is that why you're acting so needy?." He asks quietly

You shake your head. "Not anymore, I know it won't come to that." He nods, relieved that it isn't worrying you any longer. He's pulled from his thoughts when you speak up again. "I'm grateful. I know what I want for myself. And it's thanks to you that I'm able to make my own choices." You lift your head to meet his gaze, your face painted with a furious blush. "I'm ready to make my own choices."

Levi chuckles. "Well, you're spoilt for choice if that's the case." He says, trying to ignore the pang of jealously he can feel in the pit of his stomach.

You shake your head  "That's not what I mean, Vi." You nervously bring your palm to his cheek. "I want to be with someone I trust, someone I love."

Levi stares at you. Blushing slightly at your words. You have grown into a young woman who's a lot braver than he gives you credit for. A small smile forms on his face, but he's still hesitant to say all the things he wants to.

Levi tries to keep his usual cool exterior "A-Are...Are you saying what I think you're saying right now?"

You nod nervously. Averting your gaze, you have said enough for someone as intuitive as Levi to piece together. The seconds seem to last forever, but he finally gives you his response with a soft and gentle tone:

"I... I want that, too."

[fakescenariosbeforesleepblog]

Could you pretend you love me? Pt.1

Soap x Fem Reader (single mom).

Let me introduce Mr. And Mrs. Blackwood, the newlyweds and new neighbors.

This is just the alibi, a false marriage with normal jobs and a normal and traditional family, Why? Oh, just to take a look at the enemy.

Warning: only grammatical and spelling errors. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.

Pt 2

You and Soap argue all the time, for everything and for nothing, both work well together but before every successful mission there's always a previous discussion.

The boys are accustomed already so they just let you argue and complain. «I told you we don't want to attract attention, we will be discreet!» «we need to create a distraction so they can take the hostage without someone noticing!» «No!» «Yes!»

Price acted like a Father trying to stop two teenagers, every time. Both of you are efficient but also a headache.

This time is not different. Price already explained to you the mission, observe, get close to the enemy, put some hidden cameras or microphones, trackers, all the necessary to obtain information and capture them. That was the easy part, the hard part was Price's proposition.

- What? Sorry cap, but I think Ghost or Gaz or even you, would play a better role than Soap.

«Oh no, here we go again» ghost and Gaz muttered while rolling their eyes.

- Excuse me? You don't know what you're talking about y/n. I'm such a perfect husband material.

- You're everything but a husband. Seriously Captain, we have to considerate someone else. Also I have my daughter, what will I do with her?

- Y/n, I understand you're mother now, but I also know the girl is in a private school... A boarding school, am I right? she will be fine and if she needs to visit I'm sure she won't be in danger, that could help us a little.

You simply nodded but then you stared at soap, you observed him head to toe, you're sure he's not the right person for this kind of mission, his hairstyle, his personality, you think he's inadequate.

-Alright... but... He's not the right person for this mission, that's all I'm saying.

Soap is not angry, he's actually making fun of this, he put a hand over his chest and opened his mouth, pretending to be offended by your comment.

- Y/n, I feel offended, I'm a very charming man, clearly I'm the best option. The lieutenant is too serious, he certainly won't be very friendly with our target, Gaz is maybe an option, but there's not much chemistry between you and him as a fake couple and our Captain... He simply has better missions to attend.

«Agree» «Sorry Y/n, Soap's right» «he'll do it fine, trust him»

You just rolled your eyes, you feel ridiculous trying to make them understand your point of view.

A few days later after that discussion, you were looking for someone around the base. Emma, your almost 7 year old daughter, was visit day and you couldn't get a nanny for her so you brought her with you to the base, the little girl is now lost and you're desperate to find her.

- Did you Lost something Sergeant?

Ghost's voice took you by surprise, his giant form always makes you a little bit anxious.

- Ah! Ghost, I mean Lieutenant, I... I'm actually looking for my daughter... I told her to stay in my office but she disappeared.

And just behind him, Emma appeared, holding your lieutenant's hand.

- I think I found her.

You kneeled in front of your girl and hugged her.

- Emma, why did you do that? I told you, you can't walk around here alone.

- But Y/N, I wanted to explore!! Ghost found me, he accompanied me, he's very sweet.

You stood up and took your little girl's hand.

- I'm sorry Lt; thanks for finding her.

You started to walk back to your office while Emma muttered to you «I think Ghost is very handsome...» you sighed «you're just like your mother...».

Indeed, Emma is the mini version of your best friend, you miss her, her loss was the most painful moment of your life, but Emma needed someone, your friend always said you would be her Legal representative if one day the worst happened. Now after a year, you're trying to be a mother for the little girl.

Both were getting ready to leave the base when a Knock on your door interrupted, Emma ran to open, it was Soap.

- Y/n, I just came to give you the files with the location of the house and other important stuff, oh, I think it would be good if we arrive together...like a happy family.

- Thanks Soap, ah... Can we discuss all this later?, I have to take her back to school...

You pointed at Emma who's still on the door observing at Soap with sparkling eyes, you continued talking.

-This is Emma, my daughter. Emma, this is my friend Johnny.

Johnny smiled at the little girl and shook hands with her.

- Heyyy, future daughter, Ghost told me about you, you're certainly a sunshine.

Emma blushed but instantly the curiosity captivated her.

- Future daughter? Are you Y/N's boyfriend? Have you seen Ghost's face? I think he has beautiful eyes.

Your red face was enough to make Soap's laugh, but he was quick to respond.

- I guess your mommy will talk to you about this later, and Yes, I've seen my lieutenant's face, not so bad but I think I'm more... Attractive.

He blinked an eye at Emma and then to you, he said goodbye and disappeared. On your way to Emma's school you explained to her what Soap was talking about, you never saw her so happy, excited to 'help' you in this mission.

While she was at school, you packed all your clothes and some stuff necessary to take to your temporary home. Soap was kind and went to your apartment to help you with the boxes, after all, it was better if both arrived together.

It was a short drive, you also discovered the location is not so far from Emma's school, the house is not so big but also not so small, white and yellow with a beautiful garden, certainly looks perfect for a family. Before leaving the car you decided both needed to put some rules.

- First of all, when Emma is around don't insult or say a bad word

- Copy...

- Second, we will sleep in the same bed... But, if you get close enough I will send you to sleep on the floor, okay?

- Fair enough.

Why is he so calmed? It is annoying how he simply smiles and is not complaining? You're not understanding what he is trying to do.

- And... Why are you agreeing to everything I'm saying?

- You said I'm not husband or dad's material, I will show you you're wrong my sweet wife... Let's start the show, Sweetheart!

He opened the door and got out of the car, you stayed speechless and followed him, he handed you the keys to open while he was bringing the boxes with you and his stuff.

You wanted to help but he refused, you were starting to complain when a man, your new neighbor, and technically the enemy, appeared, smiling pretending to be nice.

- I want to help! You're being a...

- Hello there! welcome to the neighborhood!

Both looked at him, he started to walk to you, Soap put the box on the floor and held your waist softly, you didn't know why but you felt shivers.

- Hey, thanks man! I'm John and this is my wife y/n

- it's really good to have new neighbors, I'm Jeff. I live in the house next to yours, feel free to visit whenever you want.

- Oh man, you live in a palace, it's a wonderful house!

- I Know, I think it is a good place to raise kids.

-Certainly it is, not only the house but the entire neighborhood, that's why my wife wanted to buy this house, no baby?

He kissed your forehead and squeezed your waist softly, you jumped in surprise.

- Oh, yes, sorry, I'm distracted by all this beauty, I can't wait to start to unpack! Jeff, how long have you been living here?

- I moved here 6 years ago, it's wonderful, my son loves this place, do you have children?

- Ah...

- Yes, our little princess, Emma, she's not here but will visit us soon, she's excited to see her new bedroom.

- Oh, where's she?

You started to worry, you never thought about the real danger you were putting on the little girl, but before you could think about a good lie, Soap spoke for both.

- She's visiting my parents, they have a small farm and Emma loves the horses.

- I see, well, I hope I can meet her soon, my son will be happy to have a new friend...

- For sure, Anyway, it has been a pleasure to meet you Jeff, we have too much work to do, we want to end all early, to have some time for us.

Jeff, was looking at both, there was something in his eyes that made you think he wasn't very convinced, You hugged Soap by his waist and put your head over his chest

- Ah yes, it has been a pleasure Jeff, but as my husband said, we have to hurry up if we want to... you know, do some newly married things.

He nodded and started to walk to his house, before you could speak again, Soap carried you and yelled «Home sweet home, my lady» you made a loud fake laugh and tried to make some sweet comments. Once the door was closed you jumped from his arms and looked for your phone and sent an encrypted text to Price. «Phase 1, Success, we'll start to install security around the house and ASAP we'll try to install microphones and trackers on the enemy». Soap was quick, he started to work in all the security system, you were surprised when you saw him installing on Emma's room.

- What are you doing Soap?

He looked at you and continued his work, you noticed Emma's room was the safest around the house. Then, his voice caught your attention.

- If your daughter will be staying here some days, I want to be sure she will be safe, you and her are my responsibility at the moment, it means that keeping us safe is my priority, more than spying on the enemy.

You blushed, his words caused you goosebumps and a strange feeling in your stomach, you weren't sure about why you were feeling all that so you decided to say thanks and leave the room.

- Thanks Jhonny, umm, dinner will be ready soon, wash your hands.

- I'll be there in a minute.

You ran out of the room, your heart beat was racing, after the dinner both were working a little, talking about your daughter and when she will visit you, it was strange for you, but for a moment you forgot this was all fake.

[s4r1n-g4s]

A Dying Spark of Hope, Rise of the Supernatural

Prologue

Galvana sat down at the edge of Starhenge, stargazing. All the young celestial wanted was to get her mind off of how she was treated. As the youngest of the celestials, she is the only one to have not received her element. With both the natural and ethereal elements already claimed by the others, what could be remaining? Galvana quietly sang to herself in an attempt to soothe herself. She shouldn’t have to worry so much, right? She would get there eventually… the other celestials have by now. 

“Hey, you, quit it. We already have vocalists on this island.” Scaratar scoffed, glaring down condescendingly at Galvana. “Plus, your singing is painfully mediocre. Maybe quit wasting our time and just maybe try to pick up that staff of yours. Seriously, what kind of celestial doesn’t have an element?” As Scaratar chuckled to herself, Galvana stood up, narrowing her eyes at the oversized beetle. “You’re the one wasting your own time by bothering me. At least I’m trying to contribute to our song, and I-” Scaratar immediately placed a claw over Galvana’s mouth, shushing her. “You act like you know everything, don’t you? You don’t even know your own element! Please, you’ll never be one of us, kid. Maybe you’ll be somewhat useful once you pick up that staff! Please, it can’t be that heavy!” Galvana opened her mouth again, but refused to say anything. She knew her words wouldn’t matter to the elder celestials. She laid her hands down on her staff, trying with all of her might to lift it. In spite of her efforts, it didn’t even lift an inch off the ground. Scaratar chuckled, strumming her sitar in Galvana’s face. “Just as I thought. What will you even add to this song? Absolutely nothing.” She walked off, giving her an uncomfortably rough noogie. Defeated, Galvana fell to the ground, desperately trying to lift her staff off of it. 

“Wow, very mature of you, Scaratar.” Attmoz scoffed, smacking his forehead. “I can’t believe that you are much older than me, yet you act like a PomPom who peaked as a teenager.” Scaratar glared back at him, clearly unamused. “Well that is no way to talk to your elders!” She clapped back at the air celestial, raising her front legs at him. Attmoz laughed, shoving Scaratar’s front legs down. “Seriously? You’re demanding respect, even after you treated Galvana that way? How am I supposed to respect someone as wretched as you?” he remarked, his expression shifting from amusement to disgust. “Well, have you seen her?” Scaratar burst out into a snorting laughter. “She can’t even hold her staff. I know that I am not singing along with a so-called celestial that can’t even pick a twig off the ground.” “That’s quite enough of you, pest. We all have been there at some point, and I remember how much I struggled to find my own element. I know it’s rather difficult for her, but I believe in her. I know she’ll lift that staff off the ground eventually.” Attmoz walked off, ignoring Scaratar’s incessant, incomprehensible shouting. 

Galvana had been trying to lift her staff for so long that her hands were covered in cuts and splinters, and her lungs were starting to burn from breathing so hard. “Hey Galvana, still can’t lift that thing?” Plixie scoffed, looking down at Galvana. “Looks like someone’s gotta start lifting. You know most of us c-” “You know, if you’re gonna pester me, the least you could do is come up with something creative.” Galvana muttered, rolling her eyes at Plixie. “What? It’s true. Your arms are looking a little twiggy there, don’tcha think?” The plasma celestial chuckled to himself for a moment, but when he realized that Galvana was ignoring him, he quickly grew bored. He decided to go bother Scaratar instead, as it was much easier to get a reaction out of her. Galvana continued to try and lift her staff, desperately trying to tune out the noises of Plixie and Scaratar screaming at each other. 

“Vana!” Vhamp enthusiastically shouted, sprinting towards their friend. As they observed Galvana, they noticed that something was… off about her. “Aww… did Scaratar get to you again?” Vhamp muttered, lowering themselves do Galvana’s level. “Well… no. I just… need to pick up this staff. I promi-” Galvana growled, just as Vhamp interrupted her. “Vana, I’ve been friends with you long enough to know that you’re a terrible liar. Come on, don’t let her ruin your day! We’re just… unique!” Vhamp smiled, placing a leg on Galvana’s shoulder. However, Galvana knew that her old friend saw her as lowly as the others. Even then, she didn’t want to hurt Vhamp’s feelings, so she smiled softly at the mech celestial. “Thanks…” she muttered, before trying to pick up her staff again. Vhamp concerningly glanced down at her, but figured she wouldn’t listen to them anyway. They walked off to the edge of starhenge, looking for some peace and quiet. 

Galvana had been at this for hours by now. Her hands were now awfully cut and splintered, and her lungs felt like they were being roasted over an open flame. She glanced over at Furnoss, who clearly had been observing her. He shook his head at her, before walking off to the observatory. “Still can’t lift that thing, huh? How disappointing?” Loodvig stood above her, meeting her eyes with a look of disapproval. “Hey, there’s no need to rub salt in the wound, Loodvigg. I may not have harnessed my element now, but I will… eventually.” Galvana sighed, barely managing to maintain eye contact. “Well, you keep on saying that, but you still can’t even play an instrument. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to practice the instrument I have already mastered long ago.” Loodvig walked off, sitting down by his piano. Galvana continued to struggle, but her lungs burned so badly that she grasped her chest, collapsing on the spot. 

Galvana choked back tears, trying to get up, but she was too weak from exhaustion. Attmoz, noticing how she was being discouraged by the other celestials, knelt down next to her. “Hey, you can’t just keep hurting yourself like this. I know it’s difficult to find your element, but you’ve pushed yourself way too far.” He sternly explained, pulling the splinters out of Galvana’s hands. “W-why are you even giving me t-the time of d-day? I have been nothing b-but a n-” Attmoz placed a hand on her shoulder, interrupting her. “No, we are not starting that now. Even if you haven’t figured yourself out yet, you are not unworthy of the title of a celestial.” He sternly, yet patiently comforted Galvana, sighing. “I used to struggle with this too. Scaratar would poke fun at me for how I was unable to play a physical instrument, so I thought of giving up. However, I tried a different approach. I learned how to manipulate the air in order to make noise, I harnessed my element.” Attmoz uttered, letting out a sigh. “However, it did not happen overnight.” Galvana looked up at Attmoz, clearly distraught over her situation. “D-do you know how I c-can do i-it?” She croaked, knowing she would break down if she continued speaking. “Well, I took a different approach. I spent some time discovering my own hobbies and interests. Most importantly, though, I found out who I was. Before you can figure out how to harness your element, you need to learn more about who you are as a celestial.” He smiled softly, patting Galvana on her back. She thought to herself for a moment, “Wow, I really have never taken some time for myself”. She had been letting the other celestials tell her who she was. However, she would have to grow a backbone if she had any hopes of harnessing any kind of element soon. 

Galvana woke up the next day, feeling rather tired. Yesterday was a lot for sure, as she dealt with both sore arms and emotional exhaustion. She sat down by her staff, gazing at the blue orb. Electricity sparked within it, and the hues shifted from a vibrant cyan to a deep indigo throughout it. She knew she had the potential, she just needed to figure out how to use it. The celestial was lost in thought, that is, until she felt someone shove her. “Still haven’t given up yet? Wow, you’re so stubborn. How in denial do you have to be to keep on going?” Scaratar asked, leaning over the young celestial. Galvana sighed, most definitely not having the energy to deal with this right now. “In denial of what?” She asked, before turning around, trying to ignore Scaratar. “Don’t play dumb, kid. We all know that you’ll never be one of us, that you aren’t a true celestial. Yet you keep on trying to lift that thing up. Please, maybe you should go back to balancing on that orb.” Scaratar snickered, expecting an angry response from Galvana. However, she pretended not to hear her, and continued to study the properties of her own element. Scaratar grew so frustrated that she tried to snatch Galvana’s staff, only to be shocked by it. “AUGH!!!” She yelped in agony as Galvana started hysterically laughing at her. Unfortunately, this pushed Scaratar to her limit. She raised one of her arms and stung Galvana, knocking her over. “YOWCH!!!” Galvana screeched, grasping her upper arm. Scaratar laughed in her face, shoving her to the floor. She walked off, feeling very proud of herself. 

Ugh, tweedle pox. Had it not been a celestial, Galvana would have been unharmed. However, as it was none other than Scaratar who stung her, she was stuck with this awful disease. How often did mortals experience this? It must have been awful, given how much more often they would get sick. At least she’ll recover fairly quickly from her illness. She’s a celestial, after all. She’ll be able to get back up on her feet in no time! Oh nope, never mind. Galvana yelped in pain as Scaratar stung her while she zoned out, her tweedle pox worsening again. A defeated expression crossed Galvana’s face as she tried not to scratch the blisters. Scaratar cackled at the pitiful celestial, shoving her out of the way as she walked towards the observatory. Galvana slumped down, knowing she had nowhere to properly rest. She couldn’t necessarily sleep, as the celestials didn’t need to. Scaratar had certainly irritated her before, but her antics have never made her feel this miserable. She was feeling better after a few days, only to be stung again. Looks like she’ll keep doing this to her, though. “Vana?” Vhamp asked, slowly approaching her. They didn’t really care about keeping a safe distance from her, as they are made of metal. They’re the only celestial that can’t get tweedle pox from Scaratar’s stings (or contagious celestials), so they sat down next to Galvana. “I-I know it’s not m-much, but I found some extra scrap metal. I-I know you’re not as into tech as I am, but… I just wanted to give you something to do, you know…” Vhamp handed Galvana a blueprint of one of their little gadgets, which seemed to be some sort of creature. It was rather stupid, but at least it was sort of cute. “Oh um… thanks!” Galvana chuckled. She may have found Vhamp’s gift to be a little strange, but she was grateful that someone was looking out for her. “Oh um- no problem!” Vhamp’s eyes lit up. Finally, someone appreciated their efforts. They don’t really know how to comfort people well, or how to deal with emotions in general, so they just sat down next to their fellow celestial to keep her company. 

Galvana analyzed the blueprints, having a strong feeling that she would not understand them. They looked so complex, and she wondered how Vhamp did all of this. However, she realized that she never really took the time to think about herself. On closer inspection, though, she grew… rather intrigued by the blueprint. She would create a little creature, which looked somewhat like a stick bug. Unfortunately, the dimensions of the piece were rather… tiny. She couldn’t make something that small with her sausage fingers! Maybe she could try to upscale it… she doubled the dimensions and got to work. She never actually did this before, but she just needed something to do while she was horribly sick. The moment the basis of the structure was created, she couldn’t look away. All she thought about was her little creation right in front of her. The way it all came together… It was so intriguing! All from a few scraps Vhamp found! It was almost like a fun puzzle, and at last… it all came together! The thing is, though, Vhamp’s creatures usually never move. 

She then remembered what caused Scaratar to sting her in the first place. Galvana was not harmed by her staff, but Scaratar was… She found it rather interesting. She wondered what would happen if she put her creature up to her staff. Although she most certainly isn’t in the mood for walking, she picked up her creation and stood up. “Vhamp, come on.” She grinned, walking over to where her staff was. The mech celestial looked rather confused, but they weren’t the type to question anyone. They’re just too shy, and worried that Galvana would be annoyed. The enthusiastic, yet sick celestial pressed her creature against the staff, and a wave of blue electricity surged through it. The creature got up… and it moved! “Wow! I never knew how to make these guys move… I…” Vhamp stared at the creatures, their eyes lighting up with joy. “Wow, Vhamp… this is so cool! I can’t-” Galvana’s excitement abruptly ended as soon as the creature fell to the floor. The sick Celestial grunted, sitting back down and curling up into a little ball. Vhamp, however, was not disappointed in her at all. “You… think it’s cool?! I’ve never had anyone care about my interests… but… here you are! You even made it move! YOU MADE IT MOVE!!! Can we do this more often?!” Vhamp excitedly chanted, bouncing around before stopping themselves. Did they go too far? They never thought they’d make a friend… especially someone as cool as Galvana. “Of course!” Galvana responded, a wide grin across her face. Vhamp may have been kind of annoying at first, but they came to comfort her. She hoped to do this more often, as Vhamp is the only celestial who can’t catch her illness. 

Galvana sat there for a moment, thinking to herself. Electricity… Maybe she could harness it? She always observed how lightning illuminated the dark, dreary skies during a thunderstorm… but she never knew it could be used for something like this. She tried picking up her staff, but once again, it did not move an inch off the ground. Ugh, how disappointing. Just as she was about to berate herself yet again, she remembered what Attmoz told her. It wouldn’t happen overnight. Now, she realized why it isn’t happening. Before she can figure out how to harness her element, she needs to figure out herself.

Yes, I know this is super random, but I have been chatting with a few friends about this for months, and now I'm ready to post it. You'll see why the title will be fitting in the upcoming chapters.

So, the order from the oldest to youngest in this AU is Furnoss (obviously), Scaratar, Torrt, Loodvigg, Glaishur, Attmoz, Blasoom, Hornacle, Syncopite, Plixie, Vhamp, Galvana.

Tags will be #A Dying Spark of Hope, #A Dying Spark of Hope msm, #ADSOH, and #ADSOH Msm.

Also, sorry for dying. I've been working hard on another project I have been cooking up lately...

[tangledinink]

Chapter Ten of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is up! :0 Betraying my system and posting one chapter early because it was one of my favorites to write and I'm excited... the boys return to school for the first time in a while, and, of course, it goes VERY well... read it on ao3 or below the cut!

[ prev ]

(cw: depictions of panic attacks, a lil bit of blood and fighting)

Oh god. He could not do this. What was he thinking? What were any of them thinking?! This was going to be a complete disaster. 

Leo's sneakers were still pointed in the direction of the school, and he was walking towards it, but he wanted oh so desperately to turn tail and run. He wouldn't. He wasn't gonna back out or ditch his family... but oh pizza supreme in the sky did he want to. 

He really, really hoped that this was worth it.

They had all agreed to the plan days ago, discussing it at length and reviewing the pros and cons. And when they had that original conversation, Leo had been all for it! It seemed like a good idea when Donnie pitched it... at the time. 

"Right. So. As you all know, I've been doing some research on the mystic artifacts that we recovered from Dad's room. There's not a ton I can find online, which I was expecting, but I've been doing some analysis on the actual items themselves and some of the readings they're giving, and--"

"You found something?" Raph interrupted, his eyes widening. Donnie had hesitated.

"Well. Not exactly," they had explained, wincing a bit. "There is definitely a pattern in what I'm seeing, and it seems like most mystic energy has a particular molecular build, if you will, so to speak. I mean, it's really not quite as simple as that, it sort of is less molecular and more next-to-molecular... It's pretty fascinating, actually, I mean, I can't imagine that anyone would notice these kinds of signatures unless they were actively looking for them, it’s really on detectable via--"

"Donnie!"

"Right. Sorry. The point is, I have a foundation. I have the buildings of an equation here, but I don't have any values to input into it yet, so I can't do anything with it. And that," they swiveled in their desk chair to point, grinning big. "Is where Mikey comes in."

They had all turned to look at their youngest brother, who absolutely beamed in response, oozing sunshine in a way Leo hadn't seen in nearly two weeks. 

"Did you guys know he can see auras?"

"I'm sorry, he can what?" Raph echoed.

"Well, 'aura' is the placeholder term I'm using for ease of communication at the moment. I'll label it with a proper term later. Mikey likes to call them ‘life colors.’ But the point is, according to Mikey, at least from what he can tell, pretty much everyone in the world has a unique 'life color.' I wasn’t really sure if I was gonna be able to go anywhere with this at first, but after discussing it at length and running a few tests, I’m fairly certain it is, in fact, a measurable mystic quality that I could figure out how to sample. So, in other words, a unique signature. In other other words..."

 Donnie had paused, expecting someone to finish the sentence. His family stared at him blankly. Donnie huffed a bit in annoyance, rolling his eyes.

"In other words, gentleman, (and April,) we have our values. If we know that everyone has a unique 'life color' signature associated with them, in addition to knowing that mystical energy itself has a unique signature associated with it, and if I’m able to detect and read both these signatures with my tech, I can, theoretically, generate a tracking algorithm capable of sweeping and zeroing in on these specific data points, and--"

"And you can find Dad!" Raph finished the sentence this time, his eyes absolutely alight. Wait, really!? They had a lead? They had a lead! Leo had all but jumped up from his seat on Donnie’s bed, bounding over to join his twin at their computer. 

"Alright, Dee! I knew you could do it!" He cheered. "So what are we waiting for!? Let's go get Dad already!"

"Well," Donnie held up his hands, and Leo paused. Wait, well? What was the problem?

"I can generate a tracking algorithm and software with a margin of error. And right now, the data pool we're working with is not especially impressive," Donnie muttered, turning back to the monitors and gesturing to a bunch of charts and numbers that none of them understood. They had all gathered and leaned in to look anyway. "As it stands, anything I build will likely not be especially accurate, if it works at all. I've already spent some time with it, and it turns out that there are... a lot of people in New York City," he said dryly. "Which makes this difficult."

 "Then... what do we do?" April questioned, frowning.

 Mikey had grinned, puffing out his chest. "We get more data!"

Leo had originally suggested that they just go camp in Times Square and people-watch, and collect a shit-ton of data that way, but as Donnie had explained it, it wasn't quite so simple. Just inputting the life colors of random people from off the street wasn't really going to train the AI he was coding to do much of anything. The software he was hoping to build wasn't going to have the same 'gift' as Mikey, and wouldn't be able to just 'see' people's life colors. They'd have to teach it how to do so by associating 'colors' with other data points, such as blood type, birthdays, thermo-magnetic signatures, and a bunch of other fancy words Leo didn't recognize, in order to try to find a pattern that could be used to identify and track such things. So it could learn to ‘see’ life colors on its own. In other words, they could only use the 'life colors' of people who they could find again and collect further data on. People who they could reliably locate over a period of time. People who they were able to access other records for...

And Donnie could hack into the school's database in his sleep. So.

Here they were.

At the time, it had seemed like a reasonable plan. Go to school, Mikey can collect a list of kids and their life colors, Donnie pulls data from the school's records, and the rest of them fill in the blanks with whatever weird tests Donnie said they needed. They were all sneaky enough that they could scan a kid's magnetic energy or whatever incognito. It was a good plan. They had even managed to convince Carol that they were ready to go back to school after several long conversations, insisting that staying home and not seeing any of their friends were just making things worse, etc etc.

But oh my god. Now they were here, walking up to the building, and all Leo could think was this is a horrible idea. He kept trying to tell himself maybe it wouldn't be so bad, maybe not that many kids knew, maybe no one was gonna say anything, but who was he kidding? He was sure the whole ass school had taken notice of their two-week absence and knew perfectly well by now that their dad was missing. It had only been circulating through the news and every social media platform that had ever existed on repeat since it happened. 

Everyone was gonna be looking at him with those sad, sorry-for-you eyes that he couldn't stand. It was gonna be awkward. And he was not even a little bit excited about it.  Dammit, he had had his phone on 'do not disturb' for the past two weeks for exactly this reason. 

But he had said he would do it. So. 

Here they were.

"Alright," Raph said, turning to face the rest of the group, just outside of the front doors. Leo could already feel other kids watching them. He thought back to his and Mikey's conversation that one time when they went to gymnastics. How things were normal, but also weren't at all, and just let them all in the lurch in this uncanny-valley sort of space. "We all know the game plan?"

"Yes sir," they all responded, though not with quite enthusiasm or coordination as they usually did. Leo could tell that everyone was nervous. I mean, jesus. He couldn't blame them.

"Alright," Raph bit the insides of his cheeks. Also nervous. "Everyone keep your phones on. And text the group chat if anything happens. We can always leave if we gotta, I mean, if you guys wanna go home--"

"Oh-ho-ho!" Leo remarked with a grin. "What happened to ‘no skipping class?’"

"Leo--"

"This is a great change of pace," he continued, desperate to break the tension. "But don't worry! We're gonna be fine-- we got this! And if anything happens, we'll just ninja our way out of here, no problem."

"No, if anything happens, we call April's mom to pick us up--"

"Same thing! We've got this one-thousand percent until control. Right, Magic Mike?" Leo teased, nudging his brother, who forced a half-hearted grin in response. "See? He's all over it. Okay, now what's that thing Raph always says? Don’t do anything Raph wouldn’t do? Don't be late to class? That thing! Everyone go do that!" He said, grabbing Donnie by the hand and promptly marching off. 

Oh, he could feel the eyes on the back of his head. But soooo worth it to end the awkward, anxious air. If this was what the entire day was gonna be like, he wasn't gonna make it. He could tell you that right now.

He wasn't sure Donnie was, either. Was he, like, legit shaking? Crap. Okay, come on. We can fix this.

"I mean it, you know," he said, slowing his pace slightly and releasing his grip, shifting into an easy stride next to his twin rather than dragging them along behind him. "You've got this, Dee. If anyone can figure out this whole mess, it's you, right? Once Mikey has all that data stuff, we'll be all set."

"Yeah..." Donnie said, not sounding anywhere near as confident as Leo was used to, staring down at his boots. Aw, man. 

"Oh, come on. Where's your enthusiasm? Where's the brother I know and love?" Leo bade, elbowing him slightly, but failing to make any actual physical contact with him. He had already pushed it by grabbing his hand, no need to pile on top of that... "Where's your... your thing! Your emotionless passion!"

"Here," Donnie mumbled in a tone just barely one step above a whine, hunching his shoulders slightly. "It's fine. I do have this. Today is just gonna suck." 

Leo sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. 

 "... Yeah. I know. We just gotta... get through it. Keep our heads down, muscle through, and once today is over, it's over. No biggie!"

Even he didn't believe it. Regardless, the pair made their way to homeroom-- though at an admittedly much slower pace than usual, with no racing, jumping, leaping, or flipping. It almost felt foreign, and Leo was half tempted to tag his brother and take off running. Muscle memory begged him to. But he knew that neither of them really felt up for it, and besides, the last thing they needed were even more eyes on them. Leo tried to emit his very best, 'do not look at me, talk to me, or fuck with me,' vibes as they entered the classroom, sticking close to his twin. That wasn't usually his forte-- it was more Donnie's, if anything-- but it was at least enough to ward off the masses until the first official bell of the day rang.

Leo's stomach was in absolute fucking knots. 'Cause he knew that he had geometry first period in the upper east wing of the school... and Donnie had history in the west. 

For a moment, he felt like a second grader again, terrified of his twin brother moving on without him and leaving him behind to go to school all by himself. He swallowed hard, lingering in the hallway just long enough to give Donnie a grin and sign a reassurance that he could text him if anything happened. Donnie had frowned, nodded, and they had parted. 

It did not feel good. 

He was trying to talk himself down from the ledge, resisting the urge to run after his brother and tackle him and cling to him, like, no, don't leave me alone!, when he rounded the corner and caught sight of a face across the hall that made him freeze.

"Leo!" Chase immediately called out when they made eye contact.

Dammit. He knew he was forgetting something. Actually, you know what? Fuck geometry. Who needs geometry? Leo made an immediate about-face, spinning on his heels and going exactly back the way he just came. Opting out of this conversation, thank you very much. 

"Leo!" He heard his despite-not-talking-in-literally-two-weeks-technically-still-boyfriend shout from behind him again, no doubt in pursuit, and Leo cursed in every language that he knew, picking up the pace. No no no no. He was so not in the mood for this. This was the last thing he needed. He barely even liked Chase that much on, like, a good day, he was just kinda cute and had decent taste in music! He had no intention of discussing any bit of, like, this whole situation with him. 

Gymnastics lessons, don't fail me now. Leo ducked and weaved past students as fast as he dared, dancing around, over, and occasionally through them, not really caring that much if he bumped or elbowed anyone. Sorry, he had priorities! A quick glance over his shoulder told him that, no, somehow, he still had not lost Chase, who was, in fact, living up to his name at the moment, and oh my god, was he panicking? He was pretty sure he was panicking, great, cool, no problem! Let's run with it! Mikey said that feeling emotions was healthy or whatever, and wow, was he feeling it!

 He nearly wiped out a couple of freshmen as he flung himself around a corner and down a side hall, his sneakers sliding noisily against the linoleum as he all but smacked into the nearest door he could find. Okay, running wasn't working, how about hiding? Just had to duck away somewhere for a minute and lay low, and it'd all be fine, and he wouldn't have to deal with this or talk about any of this or talk to him--

 He blanched when the door failed to budge. What?! No, no, no, come on! Open, you've gotta open! He glanced around frantically for an alternative exit plan, but there was nothing around that he'd be able to get to before Chase caught up.

 "Come on. Come on. Open, open, open, move, dammit, move--" He hissed under his breath, rearing back before shoving against the door with his entire weight.

 He yelped in surprise when he fell flat on his face, gravel stinging his cheeks and shifting beneath him, a shocking blast of icy cold wind cutting through him like a knife. What the--? Leo sat up quickly, brushing the dirt and pebbles from himself with a splutter as he glanced around at his surroundings.

"Oh, for fuck's sake..."

The good news was that he had lost Chase. 

Bad news was that he was on the roof. 

Okay... so we can definitely rule out sleepwalking.

---

Donnie had learned years ago, though admittedly a bit later than most, that the internet couldn't always be trusted. He knew by now that it wasn't reasonable to always expect things to go the way they were described on online forums or in web articles, and understood the concept of 'expectations VS reality...'

But that didn't make the reality any better.

Because he had come prepared, right? They knew that this was going to suck, and they did what any good scholar would do in such a situation-- research. They had Googled it, had looked up 'what to expect when returning to work/school after a personal tragedy,' (because Googling 'after your Dad gets kidnapped' hadn't yielded any good results and Donnie figured it must have been too specific,) and he had read the WikiHow, the reddit forums, the Quora threads, and all the other articles in between. He had prepped!

But jesus christ. None of them had mentioned how much touching there was going to be.

So far he had been subject to no less than four overly emotional hugs that he had not consented to, (what were they emotional about, anyway?) eleven hand grabs-slash-squeezes, and so many shoulder rubs and gentle arm touches that he had lost count. And every single time, he had to resist the urge to shove them away. And every single time, the touch absolutely lingered, sticking to him like tree sap and covering him up like mushrooms and spores and burning him.

God. They hated this. Hated this, hated this, hated this. They were trying so hard to keep their mind focused, to concentrate on the task in front of them and the reason they were here, but their head was already all fuzzy and thick, feeling as though it had been stuffed full of fountain grass. Everyone kept coming up to them to talk to them, to say that they were so sorry to hear about their dad and if there was anything they can do and they hope things work out soon and blah blah blah, all these stupid, pointless, unpleasant emotions that they just kept dumping over his head until he was soaked and shivering and freezing cold, drenched down to his bones. The entire school was getting louder and louder by the second. Had the teacher's heels always clicked like that? And had the lights in the classroom always been so goddamn bright?

The kid behind him in his third period class popped their gum and Donnie stood up, grabbed his stuff, and walked out. 

He was pretty sure his teacher said something, but he was not even listening to her a little bit. Sorry, nope, nu-uh, not today, they were leaving, or else they were absolutely going to vomit. They had no idea where they were going but they just-- they had to be-- not here. 

 Please, just somewhere else. 

They quickened their pace through the hallways, eyes darting around, looking desperately for a place to just hide for a little bit, just somewhere else, because they were about to lose their mind. Their tongue was all thick and swollen and stuck to the roof of their mouth and their head was buzzing like it was filled up with wasps and their joints were all tight, like they had just run a marathon, like they were being chased-- they knew there was somewhere to go. He knew this. Come on, Donatello, think. You've studied the blueprints of the school. Calm down, focus-- where are you going?

One left and a right, third door from the left. Supply closet. This is where he’s going.

Donnie practically threw himself into the closet, yanking the door shut behind him, flicking off the lights, and sinking down to the ground, curling up into the littlest ball he could become and burying his head between his knees, because no, no, he’s not having a panic attack. Not right now. Not before he even makes it halfway through the day, goddammit, no, he’s fine. Everything is fine. 

It's... it's fine. Donnie swallowed hard, squeezing his eyes shut and wiggling his wrists back and forth, anxious and jittery, just barely tapping his knuckles against the sides of his head as he tried to focus on breathing. Yeah. No. Things were totally fine. He was not freaking out. He was not sitting here, absolutely fucking terrified that someone was going to burst in through the door looking for him any second now.

Nope. Not him. He was... all good.

Please, for the love of the known, observable universe-- and even the unknown, unobservable parts!-- just leave me alone. Just let it be quiet for a while.

He swallowed thickly, biting the edges of his tongue, fighting to settle. He pressed his shoulders up against the cold, hard metal door behind him, trying desperately to ground himself, to be here, in reality, and not float off and spiral. The sound of approaching footsteps just barely breached the protective net of his headphones, and he bristled, every muscle in his body tensing, poised to run-- only for his hackles to lower again when the sound passed on, walking past the closet without disturbing him. 

They’re gonna look for you, an unwelcome little voice in his head warned. Donnie frowned.

No, they’re not. It’s fine.

They are. You ran right out of class. Everyone already thinks you’re crazy even on a good day-- let alone today. They’re looking for you. They’ll find you.

People don’t think I’m crazy. They’re not looking for me. It’s fine. We-- we have time. We just need to calm down, and we’ll go back. They’re not gonna find us.

They will. They’re gonna show up any second.

They’re not. You don’t know that.

You don’t know that they won’t.

They won’t. It’s fine.

You don’t know. How could you know? There’s no way of knowing.

Things could still get worse!

They could be here any second!

You don’t know!

The click and clatter of metal-on-metal cut through Donnie the same way he imagined being stabbed would be like, and he absolutely froze. But to his surprise, the door didn’t fall away behind him. No harsh light or chiding voice invaded the space. Everything remained… just as it was.

So what was that noise?

After taking a moment to build up enough courage and clarity to give in to curiosity, he slowly unwound all his muscles, sitting up properly and looking around. And, in fact, it took almost no time at all for him to identify the source.

Looped firmly around the door handle was a small padlock that had most certainly not been there before, constructed entirely, it seemed, of violet light in a very familiar shade.

Fascinating... Did I make this?

Donnie leaned in to examine the item, running his fingers along the edges of it, investigating, testing it a few times and tugging at it lightly. It was a fairly primitive thing, from what he could tell, but it was most certainly doing its job, keeping the door firmly shut and not giving way when he pulled. Well. He supposed he was going to be in here for a while. Not that he really minded. Sighing deeply, he sat back down, pulling his bag off of his back and quickly retrieving his laptop.

Thank god. Data collection.

---

It wasn't that people weren't being nice. They were. Everyone was being super nice! Several of Raph’s teachers had taken him aside to tell him not to worry about any missed work or his grades right now. In every single class, classmates took the time to offer hugs and words of encouragement. Members of the football team and basketball team alike sought him out in the halls to present him with a Build-A-Bear gift card that they had all pitched in to get with a promise that they could all go out together whenever he was down for it. He had, admittedly, teared up a tiny bit.

It was really, really lovely. It was wonderful to know that so many people cared about him and were concerned about him.

So why did he still feel so awful?

Raph felt almost ungrateful, plodding through the school with this big weight on his shoulders, his entire frame feeling like it was rotting rapidly beneath his skin. He was absolutely surrounded by people; swaths and seas of them, and half of them knew him, half of them were concerned about him. So why did he feel like he was all by himself in a big empty cavern?

I wonder if the others are okay, he had thought.

Are people being cool with them, too?

But what if they are? Leo might not like it. He loves attention, but not that kind. It might freak him out. Donnie too.

What if people are giving Donnie hugs? He hates that. He'll be miserable. 

Are all their teachers telling them not to worry about their grades, either? Are Mikey's teachers letting him get off without make-up work? He already tries so hard with school as it is. What if he ends up having to do a bunch of extra on top of it all? 

And what if their grades slip? That's really important to Donnie. They're gonna be devastated if their GPA gets tanked.

Is April good? Is she getting overwhelmed? Are people asking her lots of questions? People aren’t pestering me so far for details, but what if they think it’s okay to pester April like that because she wasn't, technically speaking, a Hamato? She was. It wasn't okay. What if people were looking to her for answers?

What if this was a horrible plan?

Well, technically, it wasn't even your plan. It was Donnie's plan.

But it was your plan to use Donnie's plan! And you're the biggest brother. You're responsible.

Man, why the hell are you here right now?! You should be with them! You should be taking care of them!

Why? You've been with them all week, and the week before that, and ain't helped at all! 

Raph could feel a twitch developing in his eye, much to his annoyance. It did very little to soothe him as he moved through the day, and every five minutes, Mind-Raph asked, 'is it time to panic yet?'

He got through to nearly fourth period before the answer was yes, it is, in fact, time to panic. Not the ideal answer.

He wasn't even sure what set it off, actually. He only did about half the time, which was by far the most frustrating part, because when he didn't know he just felt like he was floundering blindly at nothing for no good reason. He had been in the hallway, moving between classes, a raindrop in the ocean of other students all doing the same thing, and some younger kid had darted past him, seemingly in a rush, sort of knocking into his arm-- maybe that was what did it. He wasn't exactly sure, because usually, that wouldn't bother him at all. 

It did today.

This didn't happen often, really, but every time it did, it was like, oh, great, here we go again, and he'd brace himself for the coming ride. Because it fucking sucked. The room was spinning and his legs were going out from under him and his chest was compressing and his throat was closing up and his eyes were fucking deteriorating in his head.

Not really. He was okay. He could still breathe, or, well, hyperventilate, at least. He was still on his feet, even if he was shaking.... But it wasn't like he could tell. Fuck. The world was ending, maybe? No, it wasn't. Get it together. Get a grip, Raph, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, except no, it's not, I can't breathe, why can't I get a goddamn breath?! He hated doing this. 

People were still moving around him, and he grabbed the nearest locker he could get to as an anchor, pressing his palm against it as he tried to remember how to breathe. Cold. Smooth. Hard. Grounding, right? Donnie taught you this. He was vaguely aware of a few kids lingering, taking notice of his panic, touching his back and asking if he was okay. Raph didn't have it in him to speak right now, but he wanted so badly to snap at them to leave him alone. Couldn't they tell he was already using all of his energy to not completely lose it, flip out, and punch a hole through the wall? Again?! It had been a nightmare the first time when Dad had to deal with that, he did not want to put that on Mrs. O'Neil's plate.

"Hey, come on, back up, give him some room to breathe, would ya?"

This voice was loud enough that Raph could hear it over his own shuddering, and he shifted slightly, his eyes darting to the side. He knew this guy. Jason-- they skateboarded together sometimes. He was really good. He had a pet leopard gecko he had seen many pictures of. He was Mikey's age; more his friend than Raph's own, but regardless, he had been over to their apartment a few times. They weren't crazy close or anything-- but they were friends.

That was more than enough for him right now.

"You good, dude?" Jason said, softer now, leaning in towards Raph just a tiny bit, but still keeping his distance. "I mean-- do you want me to text your brothers or something?"

Raph squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing hard before giving a short shake of his head.

No. No, he'd be okay. He just needed a minute. He didn't want to make them all worry about this when they had a job to do. 

God, he just hoped that they were all having a better day than he was... and not getting themselves into any kinds of messes.

---

Mikey could feel hot blood splatter across his knuckles as his clenched fist made contact with Zach's nose, a satisfying crunch echoing through his hand, up his wrist, and then bouncing around in his ribs. The martial arts tournaments he competed in were great. He loved them, really. But they felt nothing like this.

Wait. Sorry. We're jumping ahead.

Was the first day back at school after nearly two weeks off stressful? Yeah, of course, it was. Mikey had been pretty jittery when he got to school this morning, dancing on his toes and fidgeting with his spinner ring, fussing with the beads in his hair, and worrying the corners of his lips between his teeth. But it actually hadn't been as bad as he had thought.

They had said they wanted to 'get back into the routine' to Mrs. O'Neil as an excuse to get her to let them come, but honestly, it was almost kind of good? Yeah, things were still weird, and he was still worried and scared, but it wasn't like with gymnastics. When he was at gymnastics, it just felt like they were there to be there-- just as an excuse to ignore what was going on and pretend like it wasn't happening.

But they were at school for a reason. They had a lead. And, more importantly, Mikey had a job to do. 

 He had latched on tight to his assigned task-- dug his fingers in like he was burrowing into clay, pressing in until his entire fist had sunk inside, and then took off running. Really, he liked being occupied. ADHD was a bitch sometimes, but today, the stars must have aligned because it was all systems go. He knew exactly what he was doing, and his brain was completely and utterly focused on this task. Yes, it was genuinely nice to see all his friends and teachers again after so long... but that wasn't the point. None of the fear and anxiety and stress was touching him right now because he had a job.

Because he loved getting to see Rebecca again and discuss how her hamster was doing at home, and because she was this deep, dark, rich turquoise color, ever so slightly bluer than it was green. And because getting to see his favorite teacher, Mr. Ovin, was great, and he was all sweet and reassuring, and he was a deep, warm gray, like fog in the summer. It was great because Timothy was indigo, just edging on violet. It was great because Dale was yellowy-orange like cantaloupe. Because Taylor was hot pink. Because José was golden-brown. Because Mona was midnight blue. 

 His list was already fifty-strong before they even hit lunch period, and Mikey was absolutely giddy. Yeah, baby! If this wasn't enough data to get them started, he swore he'd eat his own watercolor set. Surely this was, if nothing else, a good start, and he was already just chomping on the bit to tell the rest of his family. Donnie was gonna be thrilled, he was sure--

"Mikey!"

It was not the first time that day someone had yelled for his attention. In fact, the day had been absolutely littered with them-- Mikey could hardly take a step without someone looking to speak with him and check in with him now that he was in school. So he paused in his steps, his eyes chasing after the sound of the calling voice until he found Zach, dodging through throngs of students to make his way over.

"Hey, Zach!" Mikey greeted, offering a grin-- a genuine one, too, all wide and toothy. 

"Hey! Hey, Mikey. Uhhh. Good to see you back." 

"Thanks," Mikey replied. Not the first time he heard that today, either, but it was still nice to think that his absence had meant something to people. 

"Yeah, yeah. So, uh, do you have that commission done yet?"

Mikey blinked. 

"Commission?"

"Yeah! Yeah, remember, you were gonna do a portrait of Abby, for her birthday?" Zach laughed nervously. "I was kind of worried you were gonna miss it, you were gone so long, but--"

"No?"

"What?" Zach paused, his eyebrows raising, and Mikey frowned, hesitating a second before he found new words, quickly scrambling, re-evaluating, and re-writing.

"Uh, sorry," he laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "I mean, I don't have it done yet. I've kind of got commissions on hold right now? So... I dunno when it's gonna get done. Sorry, dude."

"... But her birthday is on Wednesday."

"Sorry," Mikey repeated.

"And I paid you in advance."

Mikey grit his teeth. Oh, yeah, paid him a whole twenty dollars in advance...? 

"Yeah, sorry, but--"

"Well, what am I supposed to give her?"

"I dunno. Figure something out?"

Oh. Oh, actually,

"What do you mean figure something out? I did! I paid you!"

Actually... Maybe the stress,

"Do you want your money back?"

Was still here, actually.

"No, I want my portrait! Do you know how pissed she's gonna be if I don't have anything to give her on Wednesday?"

His head was suddenly remembering how little he had slept over the past two weeks.

"That's really not my problem."

His eyes suddenly remembered how many tears they had shed.

"Dude, are you serious?!"

His throat remembered the ache of howling.

"Are you serious?! I dunno if you've heard, but I'm a little bit busy right now! Your girlfriend's birthday commission isn't really a priority right now!" Mikey snapped, feeling himself bristle.

"You've literally not shown up for school for two weeks, what do you mean busy!?"

"I'm not on vacation, Zach! I've been with my family!"

"For two weeks!?" Zach protested. "Look, dude, I'm really sorry your dad died, but this was really important to--"

Mikey froze.

"Excuse me?" He hissed. "What the fuck did you just say?"

"Come on, Mike, this was really--"

"My dad isn't dead," Mikey whispered. His head felt all hot. He felt like a goddamn candle. The rest of his body was melting, but his head was just heat and nothing else. "He's missing. He's not dead."

"Okay, look, I didn't mean--"

Mikey shoved him. Not hard. But not soft, either.

"Leave me alone," he spat, and even though he was all heat, all bright reds and oranges and yellows, he felt his voice was cold and white like ice, like the month of December. Zach stumbled a bit, his mouth gaping dumbly like a fish, and Mikey watched and waited with absolutely bated breath to see how he would respond. Zach was a junior. He was a lot taller than Mikey was. Bigger, too. And his color was orange, too, Mikey noted in the back of his mind. Bright, dazzling, almost scarlet orange.

He could feel students nearby pausing, lingering, beginning to turn heads and slow their footsteps in order to watch and see what was going to happen.

Zach's face contorted with indignant fury, and he stepped forward to shove Mikey right back. Mikey let his body take the momentum with absolute grace-- let his feet be forced back a few steps, falling into stance once they found the ground again. He lowered his body slightly, squaring his shoulders, finding his center of gravity, and taking it in both hands. Suddenly, he felt very calm.

That was exactly what Mikey was hoping he would do.  

---

Jeez Louise, at this rate, I'm gonna give Taylor Martin a run for her money...

April was rapidly growing annoyed with the number of people who, up until now, didn't want anything to do with her, but were now suddenly quite concerned about both her well-being and the state of her brothers. She had gotten just about as many questions as she had condolences, which she had no idea how to receive. I mean, god, what's the appropriate response to people asking those kinds of things? Were they doing okay? Uh, I dunno, that's sort of a loaded question! 

She was also suddenly becoming uncomfortably aware of how many kids in their grade had a thinly-veiled crush on Raph, which she was not too pleased with. Like, good for him or whatever, (not that she thought he had the slightest clue,) but she didn't need to know all that, thank you! Yes, Melissa, I'll tell him you said hi, but don't you two have bio together!? Jeez! Stupid giant quarterback little brother...

April grumbled as she made her way into chemistry class, making a beeline to her usual seat and immediately laying her head down in her arms with a scowl. Maybe if she was lucky, people would get the hint and not bother her. Not that that had worked out so far...

"Bad day?"

April took a long, deep breath, and then slowly let it back out, picking up her head just enough to watch Sunita take her seat next to hers, offering a weak, sympathetic little smile in her direction. She had almost forgotten there was someone she actually liked in this class.

"Something like that," April said with a wry smile, wrinkling up her nose a bit before laying her head back down. "I know how this sounds, but I am soooo sick of people caring about me and my brothers."

"Uh oh... Kind of a lot, huh?" Sunita mumbled, wincing a bit, and April nodded a little, wrapping her arms around herself and frowning.

"I know people are just trying to be nice or whatever, but it's just... I dunno. Can you just let us breathe?! I hope they're not being this pushy with the guys because it's a lot for me and it's not even technically my dad, I mean, they're a total mess, I just--" She caught herself, biting her tongue. "Sorry. I'm just a little worried about them. And kind of annoyed," she admitted, rolling her eyes. "It's fine."

Sunita didn't respond right away, and when April glanced over at her again, there was this funny sort of expression on her face that April couldn't quite place. She frowned, about to say something, when Sunita nodded, biting the insides of her cheeks.

"Yeah. I get it. I mean. Gob. I can't imagine... I'm sure it must be stressful…"

April hesitated a second before she responded again. "It's a lot. But. You know. We're... handling it," she said, readjusting her glasses quickly. "Sorry. Can we just, like, talk about something else?"

"Oh! Right. Right, sorry, I'm being just as bad as everyone else!" Sunita gasped, her face flushing. "Sorry. Uh. What do you wanna-- uh-- did you… see the new episode of that barbecue show that just came out? I think Mikey would like it, uhm, they made some really bold choices..."

If April was being honest, she wasn't really listening. Sorry, Sunita. But she appreciated the white noise, at least, allowing herself to tune out for a while, scribbling black zig-zags and wriggles aimlessly in the margin of her notebook until class started properly. And, actually, even after class started properly. She was usually pretty focused at school and took her studies seriously. I mean, not as seriously as some people, but she got good grades! She just wasn't really feeling it today. Whatever. Her notes may suck, but at least she had something. She was sure Donnie could teach her whatever this was later. 

Class seemed to last a millennia, dragging along as April doodled and tried to keep her mind off of the rest of her family. God, she really hoped that this plan worked... if it did, it would be worth a million of these shitty school days. 

 She just really hoped that this wasn't for nothing.

She could see Sunita repeatedly giving her anxious, worried looks out of the corner of her eyes, fidgeting with her headband and frowning to herself. Honestly, she knew that their opening conversation had been a bit awkward, but it wasn't worth Sunita stressing over like this. Ugh. Maybe she should apologize or something later... It wasn't like she was mad or anything, she was just... tired.

 She was just really, really tired.

 April wasted no time at all in swiping her books from off the desk when the bell finally, blissfully rang, dismissing her from this class and shuffling the whole school on to the next. She didn't expect that the next class would be any better, but at least she'd be that much closer to the end of the day... Before she could get very far, however, she felt a hand clamp around her wrist.

 "... Sunita?" April questioned, raising a brow. "Uh. Is something wrong?"

"Yes! I mean. No! I mean. Oh..! Hang on, just... just... c'mere!" Sunita bit out, chewing nervously at her fingernails as she yanked April from the classroom, moving with such fervor that April nearly lost her footing, giving a surprised little yelp as she stumbled after the other.

 "Sunita! Whoa, girl, hang on!!! Where the heck are we going?"

 "Somewhere... else! Just, just, hang on! You've just gotta trust me, okay?" Sunita hissed, quickly ducking around a corner, all but shoving April into the first empty classroom that they found, hurriedly shutting the door behind her.

 "Wha-- girl, what is going on!?" April spluttered, looking around frantically. She really liked Sunita, but this had better not be her coming onto her or something, 'cause it was so not the time--

"I just-- oh, gob, I'm going to get in so much trouble. What am I doing?! This is so so so against the rules... Okay. Okay. Buck up, Sunita," the other girl squeaked, seemingly pep-talking herself, pacing out several rapid back-and-forth laps across the linoleum floor before she suddenly whipped around to meet April's eyes, grabbing her firmly by her shoulders.

"I know where Mr. Hamato is."

[ next ]

[star-girl69]

Keep Me Ablaze

Jake Sully x Neytiri x Fem!Reader

—-

a/n: i hope you all enjoy!!

warnings: swearing, crying, mentions of blood and injury, fighting, tell me if i missed anything!!

Chapter Fifteen- Ache of You

—-

Before Jake and Neytiri, no one ever caught your eye. Sure, there was that fleeting crush on that one soldier a few years ago, that medic, but nothing ever came of it.

Grace always said it was for the better, to wait until you’re older and you know what you want. But you were just a teenager when she told you that, obsessed with the idea of waking up next to someone and feeling loved.

If Grace found you like this, head on Jake’s chest, his hand around your waist and his lips in your hair, you have no idea what she would say. Are you old enough now? Do you even care what she thinks?

There has always been a sort of desperation in your relationship, knowing that the two of you were the only ones left. No sisters, no mothers or fathers. It was just you and her. That was all that there was.

At one point, you thought it was all there would ever be.

But now his lips are in your hair, and his hand is on your face, his other hand splayed out over your stomach.

“Wake up,” he mutters, “wake up, baby.” He’s still groggy, half-asleep, and you only have the strength to hum annoyingly and try and bury yourself in him. “I’m not dealing with Grace finding us like this, sweetheart.”

You hum, and start to move away, but he keeps you pressed close to him for another second.

“I see you,” he says, nose bumping yours. “I see you everywhere.”

You smile. “I see you.”

—-

When you wake up, back in your Avatar body, where you belong- the first thing you feel is an ache. You groan and rub your thighs together, inadvertently waking Neytiri up. She smiles even through your discomfort, even through her own- no doubt feeling it too.

She presses a kiss to your nose, before turning and pressing a kiss to Jake’s arm where your heads lay. His other arm wraps around the both of you, his chest against your back.

You let yourself bask in the soft sunlight, in the feel of hands on you. Neytiri places her hand on the side of your neck, thumb pressed into the base of your throat.

“My mate,” she whispers, like she can’t believe it. You smile, open your eyes to see her looking at you like there are stars in your eyes. Before, you would have thought up some excuse, but now you see it for what it is.

It’s just like this, for a few moments, Grace probably force-feeding Jake his breakfast, and you and Neytiri just belonging to each other.

She heard it before you do. At first, it is too far away, and her eye simply twitches, and she frowns. Then, louder it grows, until you hear it too.

The sound of the humans.

You think of death and fire, not the kind that teaches. Destruction, ruin.

Neytiri gasps and stands up, and you barely even have a moment for it all to connect in your mind before she drops down again, straddling Jake.

“My Jake!” she yells, shaking him, and the desperation in her voice makes the world all catch up to you. You bring yourself to your knees, and you see the utraya mokri falling, succumbing to the metal of the humans.

You have never felt less like a human then you do right now.

The senseless killing and destruction- it makes you feel sick to your stomach.

“Y/N, Y/N,” Neytiri begs, and your stomach sinks even more when you realize Jake is still in his human body.

“We- we have to-” you stutter, ears filling with the sound of wood splintering, eyes flicking from Jake and Neytiri and the impending death.

“Jake! Jake! Wake up! Jake, please!”

“We have to go!” you shout, some semblance of intelligence returned to you. Neytiri looks appalled for a second- until she sees your hand on Jake’s arms. Your stomach twists. She thought you would leave him?

The forest starts falling around you, branches and leaves, the two of you each grabbing one of Jake’s arms and tugging him across the forest floor. You should feel bad, manhandling him like this- but he will die if you don’t do something. And this is all you can think of.

The two of you barely manage to tug him over a tree trunk before you can’t anymore, his weight too much, the humans too close. The trees and their shape branches are only feet away now-

“Jake! Wake up! Jake!” Neytiri says, now having taking to screaming at him and pleading. Tears fall down your face. What are you supposed to do? Run and leave him, have a piece of you heart missing forever? Or are you supposed to lay here and die with him?

You squeeze your eyes shut, place your hand over your mouth to hide your sobs, until Neytiri gasps.

“Jake!” she shouts once more, but it’s fonder, softer, less desperate. It clicks just as you look up to see him running off.

“No!” Neytiri shouts, still sitting down next to you. The two of you are in shock, you reason, but all you want to do is go back to a few moments ago- when all you had to do was belong.

“Hey! Stop! Stop!” Jake shouts, waving his hands like a madman. You imagine a clown at the circus, destined to perform for people who will only ever laugh.

Finally, as if Jake is some sort of god, it all stops. The forest is silent, for one moment.

Jake stands, hunched in some sort of attack position, one hand raised to the bulldozer and the other held out in front of the two of you.

Scratches cover your legs and stomach, only lightly bleeding, but enough for you to feel it.

Then, as if they have turned their back on Jake, the bulldozer comes forward again. Jake growls and turns, the uprooted trees closing in.

“Go! Go!” he shouts, ushering the two of you out of harm’s way.

“This way, this way,” Neytiri pants, her hand squeezing yours, until the two of you manage to make it behind a tree. You rest against it, breathe for one moment, two, and when you open your eyes Neytiri is staring wide-eyed at the destruction.

“Skxawng! Skxawng, skxawng!” she shouts, one hand pressed against the tree, the other a fist at her side.

“What, what?” you breathe, reaching forward and turning to the side, looking for Jake until he is just- not there. When you look up, heart beating so loud you think Neytiri can hear it, Jake is climbing on top of the bulldozer and shouting at the camera. You want to scream, but you know he won’t hear him from there.

Instead, you settle for wrapping your arms around Neytiri and praying that the Great Mother will see fit to spare him.

Then, you hear the gunshots. You open your eyes but Jake is already jumping from the bulldozer to the ground, and the bulldozers get so close-

“Jake!” Neytiri shouts, leading you by the hand, even while you cry so much your eyes are blurry with tears.

“This way!” he shouts, leading the two of you further away.

Now, out of harms way, Neytiri’s sobs echo throughout the forest, creating a song with the sounds of the forest being turned down, the beeping and the chatter of humans.

Jake wraps his arm over your shoulders.

“It’s okay,” he says, but he doesn’t believe it.

The forest is the only mother you have ever known. You almost lost Jake- but he is here with you, his arms around you.

But your mother is being torn down right in front of you.

Jake punches the tree next to you.

—-

It took much time for your tears to dry, and despite your puffy eyes, you look as if nothing had happened.

“Tsu’tey!” Jake shouts, his hand slipping from yours, as you weave through the crowd of emboldened Na’vi. “Don’t do this.”

Tsu’tey’s eyes narrow onto Jake, and Neytiri’s shoulder bumps yours as she presses close to you. Tsu’tey shoves his bow into the chest of another Na’vi, before storming forward like thunder and shouting, pushing Jake to the ground.

You run over to him, while Neytiri goes forward to keep Tsu’tey back. You touch Jake like a lover, and Tsu’tey notices that- notices the fierceness Neytiri protects him with.

“Stop! Tsu’tey!” Neytiri shouts, her hands on his chest to try and push him back. But it is too late, he has already realized.

“You mated with these women?” he spits, his face twisting into something heartbroken. You ache, thinking of him and Sylwanin, him and Neytiri.

“What the hell?” Grace asks, and you can only tuck your chin to your chest, crouching behind Jake.

“Is this true?” you hear Mo’at hiss.

Jake stands, pulling you up with him, and you look up to see Neytiri tilt her chin up in defiance.

“We are mated before Eywa. It is done.”

Tsu’tey inhales deeply, the aftermath of betrayal scarring his features. He turns, paces forward until Jake starts following.

You can feel Grace’s eyes on you.

“Brother, please. Do not attack the Sky People. Many Omaticaya will die if you do.”

“You are not my brother!” Tsu’tey shouts, pulling a knife from from his waist and running straight at Jake. You scream his name, but Neytiri pulls you to the side, as Tsu’tey soars past you and flips over into a fighting position after Jake evaded him.

He draws his own knife, steel on steel. “And I am not your enemy!”

Neytiri leads you around, behind them, until Grace grabs you by the arm and Eytukan pushes Neytiri away.

“Grace!” you hiss, as Neytiri looks over her shoulder for you.

She grabs your face by your chin, making your lips puff up.

“Is it true?” she asks, and you cannot tell if that is heartbreak in her voice or just memories.

“The enemy is out there!” Jake shouts, and you can imagine what he looks like, muscles rippling and knife discarded- thrown into the ground. You See him.

You can’t meet her eyes when you nod.

She pulls back, hand falling from your jaw, shaking her head slightly.

“Y/N… baby,” she whispers.

“I can talk to them,” Jake tried to reason.

“No more talk!” Tsu’tey shouts, before grunting, and you whip around. Grace wraps her arm around your waist, pressing her tight to you even as you try and push her off.

You see the two of them careening past each other, Tsu’tey’s arm flicking out, knife grazing Jake’s chest.

“Tsu’tey!” Neytrii shouts.

“Let me go, let me go,” you plead, but Grace holds you tight, and with the weight of what has happened resting on your shoulders- you cannot fight her, not now.

Suddenly, Tsu’tey comes forward again, and the two of them become a frenzy of blue, kicks and punches until Tsu’tey is back where he started- except on his hands and knees.

“I am Omaticaya. I am one of you. And I have the right to speak.”

Blood drips from Tsu’tey’s nose.

“I have something to say… to all of you.”

Jake’s Na’vi is not perfect. But you can understand him. Neytiri presses forward, until she is only a foot away from you and Grace.

Jake turns to you.

In English, he whispers, “the words are like stones in my heart.”

Suddenly, Grace’s arms go limp and she’s falling, so you turn quick to try and catch her, Neytiri coming forward to help steady the both of you. You gently lay her on the ground, and Neytiri meets her eyes.

“Oh,” you mumble stupidly, because if she was pulled- you and Jake will be too.

“Okay,” Jake starts, shifting on his feet, “look… I was sent here to-”

Then he falls, face first, and you barely have time to stand before Tsu’tey is kneeling over him, grabbing him by the braid and forcing his lifeless head up.

“You see? It is a demon in a false body!” he shouts.

“No, no,” you mutter, and Neytiri yells and rushes past you.

You watch as she jumps on top of Tsu’tey, kicking him off and away, before you run into action.

You think you shout something, until your mind goes hazy, and you’re falling and falling. You barely register yourself landing next to Jake, Neytiri crouching over the both of you with her knife out and hissing.

—-

You gasp wildly when you wake, someone grabbing the edge of your link pod and tugging it up. Your mind is so foggy, trying to realize where you are, when the solider tugs you out of the pod and onto your feet, dragging you past Jake.

He is at a stand off with Colonel Quaritch, words you can’t register, and you try and throw yourself towards Jake because he means safety to you.

The man tugs you back, and you shout his name, so Jake’s eyes flick over to you.

He narrows his eyes at Quaritch.

“If you hurt her, I swear to God I’ll-”

He’s interrupted by a scoff.

“A human girlfriend, huh, Sully? Maybe you have some loyalty,” he muses, looking at you over his shoulder, cruel smile on his face.

The soldier grips you tight, arms around your biceps- you’re sure he will leave a bruise. All you want is for someone to come, a star to fall, a door to open- someone to save you.

“But you still crossed a line,” he hisses, and punches Jake in face like it is nothing.

You burn with something new- something of a warrior. Something of a woman who will have revenge.

—-

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[museofreverie]

Chapter 06 ⋆ Dépaysement

WAYS OF FREEDOM┊Pairing: Eren Jaeger x Modern Fem!Reader ┊2nd POV

In which a chronically online Gen Z that went through the pandemic goes to the Attack on Titan Universe and tries her very best to change the ending with an "I can fix him" mentality.

⋆ CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 4.2k words

⋆ WARNINGS: manga spoilers

← prev chapter ┊ next chapter →

𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝟖𝟓𝟏.

THEY SAY THAT life flashes right before your eyes when you greet death—or— almost greet death.

          Why? No one truly knows.

          Perhaps it is a reminder to treat our life gently and treasure it. So that when we reach the very end; we can say that we have lived fiercely and boldly.

          But on the other hand, the thought of death often fascinated you.

          It could be because you thought that the world would end when you hit the age of twelve.

          It was a silly thing, really. How could someone who has only started to become a teenager and witness the beauty of being alive— already think about something as deep as dying?

          Your mind conjured imaginations about greeting death—picturing scenarios of a grim reaper visiting you like what you've seen in the movies. It could be a scenario as raw as when you were young and naive, tired from a trip, and your father cradles you in his arms, lifting you and carrying you to your room and whispering good nights. Or, perhaps it could be a distant friend of yours, waiting for your sweet and warm embrace.

          It was this that made you think— I hope death is kind.

          Death lingered in your room. You felt it when your first pet died.

          Death whispered in your ears. You felt it when you attended a funeral of a relative when you were naive and you didn't even know they were family.

          Death visited you in your dreams. Several times already.

          It lurks, and lurks, and lurks. And you desperately wished to meet them already.

          But death always seemed to whisper one thing— it is still not your time.

          But when will that time truly come?

          Perhaps not yet, even if you thought you had just died from that fall under the tree.

          In the abyss of your mind, phantasmagorical visions started to appear slowly which made you see something familiar again.

          It was that silhouette of a faceless woman against the blinding light that conjured the luminous tree you saw in your previous dreams.

          Huh? Were you dreaming again?

          Slowly, your eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the sudden burst of light. As you blinked away the disorientation, you took in your surroundings.

          You were lying on the sand.

          You winced as the sand stuck to parts of your body that weren't covered by your dress, and your brows furrowed with confusion as the lush sandy beach you had been lounging on just minutes ago was now replaced by steep rocks jutting into the sea. The salty air from the vast expanse of blue water filled your lungs, reminding you of where you were. Confusion masked your face as your brows knitted together once again. It looked the same as the one you visited earlier yet so. . . different.

          How the hell did you end up here?

          Suddenly, the sound of heavy boots grew louder with each passing second filling your ears. Your head whipped toward the direction where it came from, and you struggled to push yourself up to see who it was.

          Who could it be?

          At first, there were two of them. Both wearing the same clothing consisting of a light brown cropped jacket covered by a dark-shaded green cloak. What seemed like long blades filled both of their hands as they both stood in a stance ready for a fight.

          Your head tilted at this. You knew that uniform like the back of your hand.

          Are they cosplaying? That was your first thought.

          Before you could open your mouth to speak, one of them had beat you to it.

          "Don't move," said the guy, his blades pointed toward you in a threatening manner.

          "Whoa!" You yelped in surprise, and instantly backed away. The short one awfully reminded you of Levi. His voice is deep, with a subtle hint of a. . . French accent? You weren't sure.

          Your gaze shifted toward the other person; something instantly clicked the moment your eyes fell on the red scarf wrapped around her neck. The woman was cosplaying Mikasa.

          "Where — Where am I?" you asked. "But don't come close!"

          You weren't a fool to not recognize that these two were cosplayers of Levi and Mikasa at first glance. But were these people not aware that there's still a global pandemic going around? They weren't even wearing any face masks or protection from the virus! You almost scoffed at the absurdity that some cosplayers like them went to such extremes just to have a cosplay during a pandemic. Couldn't they just have a photoshoot inside their home? You wanted to commend them for their realistic approach yet now is not the right time for that.

          "Why couldn't you just wait for me?!" someone shouted, their voice gruffly. "IS IT A SHIFTER, HA?!"

          The person neared and a few other people came close; all were wearing the same uniform the Levi and Mikasa cosplayers were wearing.

          The person who had shouted earlier now had a frown, and one of their eyes that wasn't covered by an eye patch was fixed on your face. "Eh? Not a shifter then?"

          You blinked at them. "What?"

     ��    "Who are you?" The voice of Levi's cosplayer boomed, his sneer contorting into a twisted grimace as he thrusts the blade threateningly toward you. The glint of metal catches your eye and you can feel your heart racing in fear as you struggle to find the right words to say.

          Okay. . . Why does that look real?

          Your eyes widened as you caught sight of the newcomers, their unexpected arrival catching you off guard. You quickly composed yourself and pointed a finger in the opposite direction with a look of feigned innocence.

          "They went that way," you said with a gulp and gestured towards a distant path as if it were the most obvious answer.

          The guy scoffed at your antics and said, "Just answer the damn question or I'll slice your arm off."

          You flinched as all of their attention was on you, and the feeling made your skin crawl.

          "I. . . I. . ." you stammered, unable to speak.

          "Um. . . Captain—" someone spoke but was immediately cut off by the Hange cosplayer.

          "I said wait , Levi! This one doesn't seem to be a shifter!" the Hange cosplayer hastily declared. "They don't even have titan marks on the face!"

          But the guy only ignored the comment and scowled. He continued pointing his blade at you which made you flinch again.

          "With or without titan marks, it doesn't mean they can be trusted, Hange. You should know that by now."

          Huh? Titan marks? Titan shifters? And why are they calling each other Levi and Hange as if that's their names? Your mind was a jumbled mess right now.

          "Oi, Levi! You're scaring her."

          But the Levi guy only rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Tsk. Whatever four eyes."

          Huh? Four Eyes? I'm so confused. Okay, they're taking this cosplaying way too far.

          You jumped to your feet, throwing your hands up in a defensive stance. Fear etched itself onto your features as you desperately tried to protect yourself from their presence. "Please, I already told you. I — I don't know where I a—wait."

          You paused.

          What the fuck is happening?

          It seemed like your brain was playing tricks on you. Your eyes skimmed over everyone, and your gaze focused on their clothing and that intricate white and blue wing shield patch placed on their jacket.

          It took you a whole minute to process what was going on.

          Your eyes darted to the direction where they had emerged from, their pursuit still fresh in your mind. You struggled to remember how you ended up lying on the beach without making any noise. You couldn't even remember how you got here in the first place. It didn't make sense—how did they know exactly where to find you? Unless. . .

          A sound.

          Echoing through your thoughts, you desperately tried to piece together the events leading up to this moment.

          Tree. Silhouette. Light. Explosion.

          My dreams. . .

          Your eyes widened when something clicked again. No way.

          A nervous chuckle left your lips. "Wait. . . did you just say, Levi? and Hange? Are you — er — are you guys cosplayers or something?"

          Silence; nobody dared to speak from your absurd question.

         The Levi guy exchanged looks with the Hange look-a-like before fixing his stance. "What in the shitty world is a cosplayer ."

          You became silent for a minute.

          Is he for real? Literally, what the actual fuck is happening?

          Your brows met in confusion. "Wait, what do you mean you don't know what a cosplayer is?"

          You got even more confused when you were met by their silence.

          Huh? That's weird. You looked at their clothes again. But they definitely look like cosplayers of AOT.

          "Are you sure you're not cosplayers?" You pointed at their clothing. "You're clearly cosplaying the Attack on Titan characters right now."

          "The what ?"

          In haste, the Levi guy clutched your shoulder roughly with an iron grip, forcing you to kneel on the sand. You were sure your shoulder was gonna bruise. And before you could react, he aimed his weapon at you with precision, his eyes bulged with maniacal fury.

          "Oh my god!" you said in between breaths. "Seriously, what the hell is going on?!"

          The cold steel of the blade pressed against your neck, sending a jolt of fear through your body as you involuntarily flinched at the sudden threat.

          "I said who are you ?" he said sharply and eyed you suspiciously.

          You trembled and said your name with a stutter.

          "If you're not a titan shifter. . . then you're probably part of that ugly monkey's plan, aren't you?" He pressed.

          "Titan shifter? Wha — what's that? And monkey? Which monkey?" A dry chuckle nervously escaped your lips as you tried to feign innocence once again.

          "King Kong?" you offered, trying to lighten up the mood.

          A part of you wanted to run, but another part was paralyzed by fear.

          "Please don't kill me!" you begged. "Where — where exactly am I?"

          "Huh?" The Hange look-a-like's head tilted. "You're in Paradis Island."

          No way.

          "Paradis. . ." you said slowly, ". . . Island?"

          Your mind was in turmoil as you fought against conflicting emotions.

          You tilted your head upward to look at the guy pointing the blade at you and then at the person with an eye patch.

          Levi and Hange.

          Your gaze shifted towards the people at the side, their prominent features making you gulp.

          Red scarf. . . Mikasa.

          Brown hair in a ponytail. . . Sasha.

          Long face and sandy hair. . . Jean.

          Buzz cut. . . Connie.

          Blond hair and bright blue eyes. . . Armin.

          Finally, after scanning the crowd, your eyes landed on a man at the far end. His gaze was fixed on you, captivating and intense. You couldn't see the color of his eyes yet you were a hundred percent sure they were green. Realization dawned upon you as your gaze from his figure shifted to the sea and then back to him.

          Your heart dropped. No fucking way.

          Your mouth fell open and went dry as you couldn't stop yourself from recognizing the man that haunted your dreams all this time.

          " Eren ," you breathed out in a whisper, unable to stop yourself from blurting out his name.

          At the mention of Eren's name, their attention shifted to him.

          No. No. This isn't real.

          Your head shook furiously, trying to make sense of the situation. You punched your arm in frustration but immediately regretted it as pain shot through your body and you winced.

          A nervous laugh escaped your lips. "This must be a joke. No, I must be dreaming — did I — did I shift?" you asked yourself, "Please tell me this isn't real." You called out desperately.

          But someone poked your arm. "Huh? But you're pretty much real."

          It was Hange . You still weren't sure if all of this was real or not.

          The blade's edge bit into your flesh, slicing through your skin until a trickle of red liquid flowed down your neck.

          "There's your answer," said Levi, unamused.

          Your eyes widened as you felt the cold steel against your throat, and a desperate gasp for breath escaped your lungs. You immediately reached for your neck, wincing as the pain shot through your body.

          Ouch! You tightly close your eyes, trying to push away the stinging sensation. It hurts!

          Green Eyes. Blood.

          "Captain, I think — I think we should ask if she's from the outside world. . . ?" asked Armin.

          "Are you — um —" you gulped, "—are you the Survey Corps?"

          "Yes, we are," said Hange.

          " Shut the fuck up," you said out loud, stunned by the revelation.

          Their faces twisted in a manner that suggested they were offended by your words.

          You looked up at them. "Sorry, but you must be joking."

          "Do I look like I'm fucking joking?" said Levi with a stoic face. "You better watch that mouth of yours, or I'll cut your tongue off."

          After that, you were stupefied into silence.

          Tree. Silhouette. Light. Explosion. Green Eyes. Blood.

          You gulped. What the hell did I get myself into?

          Blood continued to trickle down the side of your neck, blurring your vision as you fought to stay conscious. You tried to laugh, but it came out as a weak, choked sound. The darkness was inevitable as it crept in from the edges of your vision, engulfing you.

          "Huh?! She fainted?!"

          Levi looked at his comrade unamused before he retracted his blade to his gearbox as he saw your limp body in the sand.

          "Well, that didn't end well," he said.

          Mikasa also retracted her blades back to her gearbox and went near to Hange.

          "What are we going to do about this situation, Commander Hange?" asked Mikasa.

          "Hmm," pondered Hange. "She kept on asking if we were, what was that? Something about player. . . ah, cosplayer! Hmm. . . is that another term for the devil that the outside world calls us?"

          Meanwhile, Jean, Sasha, and Connie exchanged looks.

          "Well, that was something new," said Jean.

          "Look," interrupted Armin, "She's not healing."

          Armin's observation was true. That means. . . You weren't a shifter.

          Hange tried to stop the blood on your neck with a cloth, and Mikasa carried your body with ease after that and placed you on a horse.

          "Looks like captain went hard on that one," winced Sasha.

          "At least it wasn't a titan shifter," said Connie.

          Armin's attention shifted towards his childhood friend. He frowned. "Eren, are you okay? You look tense."

          "She's from the outside world, Armin."

          Eren looked at Armin with an unreadable expression.

          As the others frantically attended to the commotion, Sasha's curious gaze settled on something glinting in the sand. With a quick and nimble movement, she grabbed the object that had been carelessly discarded. Confusion clouded her features as she studied the sleek device in her hand that felt foreign, trying to make sense of its functions and purpose. With light fingers, she turned it over and is met with a photograph of a man she does not recognize, his handsome face frozen in a candid moment. The bright screen illuminated Sasha's puzzled expression as she wondered who this mysterious man could be and why he was on the back part of the object.

          "Commander Hange! Captain!" called out Sasha. "Look at this!"

          But with a sudden and swift movement, Sasha's finger clicked the tiny button that rested on the bottom middle of the object. With a start, she was shocked when the screen opened to reveal a photograph that she did not recognize once again and almost threw the device in surprise.

          "Sasha! What's that?" asked Connie.

          As Sasha's fingers slid to the left, she caught a glimpse of her own reflection on the screen and she jolted in shock. To her surprise, she accidentally clicked a button, and the sound of rapid clicking filled her ears, making her yelp and scream. She quickly threw the device away from her, her heart racing with fear.

          "What in the—? Sasha, how did you do that—?"

          "I — I don't know!" Sasha panicked. "I saw my face staring at me! How did it do that?!"

          "Tch, quiet down, you brats."

          "Sorry, Captain."

          "Oi, Sasha," called Levi, "give that thing to me."

          Levi examined the object once it was given to him; the photograph in the back reminded him of the photograph they saw in the basement. Yet the only thing that separates them is that this photograph had vibrant colors instead of the grey neutral look the other had.

          Hange tried to gather all of them. "Listen up, everyone. Our expedition is done for now. We'll talk about this more once we return to the Headquarters. For now, we must search the area if we can find something again," they said, and glanced at your body, and then at the color of your hair, "Huh. . . Didn't know it's possible to have that kind of hair."

          They weren't expecting this to happen.

          I mean, were they even called the Survey Corps if they weren't always fighting the unknown?

          Because for the first time in six years of doing expeditions outside the walls, they had finally reached the ocean. But at what cost? They had lost so much. So much. Yet, it was still a start nonetheless towards knowing the existence of humanity beyond it.

          

As you slowly emerged from the depths of sleep, you stirred awake and a surge of newfound energy rushed through your body. Your limbs stretched out, feeling rejuvenated after one of the most amazing naps you had taken in a long time.

          What the fuck happened? Was that only a dream?

          "It has to be a dream," you said out loud.

          But as you reached to stretch your neck, you were suddenly hit with a sharp pain. With a soft groan, you gingerly probed at the area and felt the rough texture of a bandage covering it. Wincing at the stinging sensation of the bruise beneath, you tried to recall how you got it. Your eyes fell on your clothing, you were still wearing the white dress you wore before—yet now, it looked dirtier.

          "Oh, you're finally awake!"

          At that moment, your senses finally came back to you, and you became aware of your surroundings. As your eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, your body stiffened as you realized you were trapped in a small cell instead of being in your room inside your grandma's house.

          "Where am I?" you mumbled.

          Cold stone walls enclose the small space, their rough surface casting eerie shadows in the flickering light of torches mounted on iron sconces. The flickering torches, held in iron sconces, provided the only source of light, casting a sickly yellow hue across the barren room. You were separated from the outside by thick iron bars, taunting you with their sturdy strength, where three figures stood.

          "Um, hello," one of them said softly.

          Your eyes squinted to look at the person properly, yet you failed, and so you decided to push yourself up, the small bed squeaking as you stood up.

          "Hello. . . ?" you said slowly, still a bit disoriented and unsure of what to say. "How. . . how long was I asleep?"

          "Three days."

          Your mouth fell open. "Three days?!"

          Damn, that's a first.

           Well, now, you were fully awake at the revelation.

          As you approached the rusted iron bars, your fingers lightly grazed their cold surface. The person who had spoken earlier slowly retreated from your abrupt appearance, their eyes shifting nervously under your gaze. All three of them were dressed in matching green military trench coats, each sporting a sleek black belt around their waist.

          Your gaze settled on the first person, a young man with tousled blond hair and an innocent face that almost seemed out of place among his companions. His small pointed nose and slight frame set him apart from the others, giving off an air of innocence in contrast to their calculated demeanor. In all honesty, his hairstyle reminded you of Lord Farquaad from Shrek and that berries and cream guy.

          He looked at the guy uncomfortably. "Eren, is it okay if you stay here? Mikasa and I will go and alert Commander Hange and Captain Levi that she's already awake."

          Your ears perked up at the familiar names. Huh?

          Your gaze flickered between the two figures standing before you. The man's dark brown locks cascaded over his shoulders, mirroring the woman beside him, whose neck was adorned with a red scarf, the color seemed to fade over the time it was used.

          Don't tell me . . . that's Eren and Mikasa.

          Eren gave Armin a curt nod before his green eyes went to you.

          At this, you were in deep thought. So it wasn't a dream, after all. . .

          But the sound of footsteps broke you out of your reverie, and your eyes followed the figure of Mikasa and Armin disappearing from your sight.

          As Eren's intense gaze landed on you, your heart sank horribly as your palms started to sweat.

          And now, it was just you and Eren.

          Oh, damn.

          It was just you and Eren.

          Eren Jaeger.

          Eren fucking Jaeger.

          The man, the myth, the legend.

          You tried to casually glance at him from the corner of your eye, but his towering figure and piercing stare were too overwhelming for you. You turned your back on Eren and faced the room, your mind racing. Your hands flew to your head, clutching it as you panicked.

          "This isn't happening. . . It's all in my head. . . It's just a dream. . . It's not real. . ." you whispered.

          But as you took a peek back at Eren, he was still there, serving as a guard on your cell.

          You stared at him.

          He stared back.

          At this, your breath hitched and you immediately stopped looking. You closed your eyes with brute force. No, this doesn't make any sense!

          You tried to compose yourself with a deep sigh. Stay calm , you told yourself. Breathe, Y/N.

          Fiddling with your fingers, you decided to be valiant and turned around to cast your eyes upon Eren, taking in his features with slow, cautious glances. You carefully study him, trying to decipher the emotions behind his guarded expression.

          "Hi." You offered him a tight-lipped smile.

          Silence filled the room as he refused to answer you.

          "Okay, then. . ." you said awkwardly.

          You desperately searched for something else to focus on, afraid of facing the tension that was building between you. But no matter where your gaze landed, you could feel the unease creeping under your skin. With every passing moment of silence, the conflict between you and him grew stronger and more palpable so you decided to ask him a question.

          "Are you really Eren?"

          Once again, he did not answer. But he did arch an eyebrow.

          "Am I really in Paradis?" you asked again, waiting for an answer.

          You almost gave up on questioning him, yet he suddenly spoke.

          "Yes."

          Your shoulders tensed, and you blinked. "Oh, okay. . . um, thanks."

          How was all of this possible? Your eyes flickered to your sides, looking for your imaginary camera. Am I even real? Or am I just a character inside a story? This doesn't make any sense! Does anime logic even apply to this?

          You sighed. So if this is real, then. . .

          Realization dawns upon you. Oh, no.

          Your emotions started to bubble up, and you looked back at Eren, your hands gripping the rusty bars once again in desperation. You wanted to say something, but the words got stuck in your throat.

          "You're. . . you're. . . you're. . ."

          Shit. You couldn't even speak properly.

          Eren looked at you expectantly, and you could feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

          He raised a brow, his face unreadable. "I'm what?"

          A tense silence hung in the air as he waited for your response, but none came. Your emotions were rising to a boiling point and he could see it in every quivering muscle of your body. His face hardened with anger as he saw your reaction, taking it as an insult over who he was.

          "You think I'm a devil," he said accusingly, his tone sharp.

          "What?!" you said, offended by his false accusation. "No! No! You're not a devil — First of all, why would I even call you that?"

          Eren's clenched jaw relaxed and his eyes softened, as if a switch had been flipped. The fury that had consumed him only moments ago disappeared with your confession.

          "It's just that you're. . ." Alive. Breathing. Real. In front of me. Talking to me. And certainly, not a bird.

           "You know what? Never mind." Your shoulders deflated, and you offered him a small smile.

          "It's nice meeting you, by the way."

          Eren's countenance remained guarded, his eyes following your every move as he tried to decipher your intentions. Just as he was about to question you, the sharp clack of footsteps echoed through the ancient stone walls, causing him to turn towards the source.

          You inhaled slowly, the breath shallow and controlled as you tried to compose yourself. The corners of your lips twitched upwards, betraying the amusement bubbling up inside of you as a thought played through your mind like a mischievous sprite.

          Watch Attack on Titan, they said. It'll be fun, they said! And look where it got you now. In a foreign land—heck, a foreign world . 

         What could possibly go wrong?

To be continued . . .

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[metalmonki]

Objection! Part 7

Rafael Barba x fem!Carisi!reader

3.4k word count

Summary All you wanted was to be a lawyer like your big brother Sonny. So what happens when you get a job working under the famous ADA Rafael Barba

slow-burn, colleague to friends to lovers

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

The air felt heavier, the silence more oppressive, as we kept moving through the tunnels. My flashlight flickered against the walls, catching glimpses of rusted pipes and slick concrete. We were both exhausted, but giving up wasn’t an option. Not now. Not when every step could bring us closer to the answers—or the way out.

Then we saw it: a door. Unlike everything else down here, it looked new, the metal gleaming faintly in the dim light. I stopped, my pulse quickening. “That doesn’t belong.”

Nick nodded, stepping forward to inspect it. “Looks like it was built recently. Think this is what we’ve been looking for?”

“Only one way to find out.” I grabbed the handle, hesitating for half a second before pulling it open.

The sight inside hit me like a punch to the gut. A teenage girl, barely older than fifteen, was strapped to some kind of metal frame. Her head lolled to the side, her breathing shallow but steady. She was alive, thank God, but her eyes were glazed over—drugged.

“Oh, my God,” I whispered, rushing forward. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. We’re here to help.”

Nick moved beside me, his flashlight sweeping the room. “She doesn’t look hurt. Just out of it.”

I checked her over quickly, relieved to find no visible injuries. The restraints were another story—heavy-duty cuffs locked tightly around her wrists and ankles, anchoring her to the frame. I tugged at one, testing its strength. “We’re going to need a key.”

Nick started searching, his flashlight darting over every inch of the room. “No sign of one,” he muttered, frustration creeping into his voice. “Nothing on the walls, nothing on the shelves.”

I scanned the space desperately, looking for anything that could help. That’s when Nick stopped, shining his light on a small, barely noticeable hole in the wall near the roof.

“What’s that?” he asked, looking up. “It doesn’t belong there.”

I stood beside him, squinting into the darkness. “Looks like… a hole. A really small one. Like someone drilled it.”

He glanced at me, then gestured to the hole. “Worth a shot. Take a look.”

Before I could protest he lifted me easily so I could peer into the hole. I angled my flashlight toward it, straining to see. And there it was. A tiny key, tucked just out of reach.

“I see it!” I exclaimed. “Give me a second.”

With some awkward maneuvering, I managed to fish it out using the thin edge of my flashlight. Once I had it in my hand, Nick set me down, and I rushed back to the girl. The key slid into the lock smoothly, and the restraints clicked open one by one.

“There,” I said softly, catching her before she slumped forward. “We’ve got you. You’re okay now.”

Nick helped me lower her gently to the floor. She was groggy but conscious, her eyes fluttering open. “We’re going to get you out of here,” Nick said firmly. “Can you walk?”

She nodded weakly, and together we got her to her feet. She leaned heavily on me as we guided her out of the room and back into the tunnel.

“Now what?” I asked Nick, my voice low. “We can’t go back the way we came, and so we take the other way?.”

“Then we keep moving,” he said, determination in his voice. “There’s got to be a way out. We’ll find it.”

I nodded, gripping the girl tightly as we started moving again, this time with more urgency. The clock was ticking, and whoever had set this up wouldn’t be happy to find we’d ruined their plans.

The tunnels felt tighter now, like the walls were pressing in with every step. Sections that should be open were now completely sealed off, the blockages smooth and deliberate. Whoever had orchestrated this had more time and resources than I wanted to imagine.

The girl—Sophie, as we’d learned—was starting to regain her strength, walking on her own now, though she still stayed close to me. The fear in her eyes hadn’t faded. Not that I blamed her. My own nerves were shot, and I wasn’t the one who’d been strapped to some twisted contraption.

Nick kept glancing around, his flashlight darting over every surface. “This guy didn’t just throw this together. He’s been planning this for a long time,” he muttered.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “And he’s got a serious grudge against Barba.”

The words were barely out of my mouth when the intercom crackled to life, the sound sharp and grating in the otherwise silent tunnel.

“Congratulations,” the voice drawled, its tone dripping with mockery. “You found one. Well done. Although, I must say, I’m disappointed—again. Where is Rafael Barba? Too busy hiding behind his desk to face the consequences of his failures?”

I tensed, my grip tightening on the flashlight. Sophie flinched at the sound, pressing closer to me.

The voice continued, growing colder. “Do you know what he did? How he abandoned her? She needed him, and he turned his back. My sister deserved better. She deserved justice.” There was a pause, heavy with emotion. “But don’t worry—I’ll make sure he pays. And if you don’t want to be trapped down here forever, I suggest you pick up the pace. Tick tock.”

The intercom cut out with a harsh click, leaving the tunnel in an eerie silence.

“Barba? This guy’s sister?” Nick said, frowning. “What the hell is this guy talking about?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, my stomach twisting. “But we don’t have time to figure it out right now. We need to keep moving.”

Just ahead, another door came into view. This one was different—bars instead of solid metal, like a prison cell. My heart sank as we approached, and I saw what was inside. Two more teens, a boy and a girl, probably sixteen or seventeen. They were sitting on the ground, but when they saw us, the boy shot to his feet, gripping the bars.

“Help us!” he shouted, his voice hoarse but determined. “Please, get us out of here!”

“We’re going to,” I promised, stepping closer to the door. “Just hold on.”

Nick inspected the lock, a grim look on his face. “It’s not a key this time. It’s a combination lock.”

“Great,” I muttered under my breath. “Alright, start looking. There’s got to be something here that tells us the combination.”

We began searching the area, scouring the walls, floor, and any nearby objects for a clue. The boy paced behind the bars, his fists clenching and unclenching. “You have to hurry,” he said, his voice cracking. “He said he’d come back soon.”

“We’re hurrying,” Nick said firmly, his flashlight sweeping over a patch of graffiti. “Just stay calm.”

“Easier said than done,” I muttered, glancing at Sophie. She was standing guard, her arms wrapped around herself as she kept an eye on the tunnel behind us.

As I turned back to the bars, something caught my eye—a faint scrawl etched into the frame of the door. Numbers.

“Nick, over here!” I called, shining my light on the marks. “It’s a sequence. Could be the combination.”

He rushed over, inspecting the numbers. “Alright. Let’s hope this works.”

With a quick nod, I reached for the lock, my hands trembling slightly as I turned the dial. The click of the lock opening was the most satisfying sound I’d heard in hours.

The door swung open, and the teens stumbled out, the boy clutching the girl protectively. “Thank you,” he said, his voice thick with relief.

“No time for thanks,” Nick said. “We’re not out of this yet. Let’s move.”

I led the group back into the tunnel, my heart pounding. We had three of them now, but the clock was ticking, and every step brought us closer to whatever the psycho behind this had planned.

…

Rafaels P.O.V

Olivia’s radio crackled to life, the static cutting through the tense silence. My breath caught as Finn’s voice came through, hurried but steady.

“We’ve got an open door,” he said. “Amanda and I are heading in now. Looks like it leads into the tunnels.”

A surge of adrenaline coursed through me. Finally, progress.

Sonny cam through, his voice urgent. “I’m on my way. Where exactly is it?”

“East 37th, near the old maintenance lot,” Finn replied.

Olivia nodded sharply, already moving toward the car. “We’re heading there too,” she said into the radio. Then, in one fluid motion, she flipped channels. “All available units, converge on Detective Tutuola’s location. Repeat, East 37th, old maintenance lot. Possible access to the suspect’s tunnel system.”

The gravity in her voice struck me hard. It wasn’t just procedure—it was personal. For all of us.

“We’ll find them,” Olivia said, her tone resolute as she glanced at me.

I didn’t respond. Couldn’t. My thoughts were locked on Y/N and the hell she must be in right now. My mind raced with all the things I should’ve done differently. The choices I’d made that put her in this position.

Olivia touched my arm, grounding me for a moment. “She’s strong, Rafael. And she’s not alone. We’ll get them out.”

I nodded, swallowing hard, but the knot in my chest didn’t loosen.

As we sped toward Finn’s location, I forced myself to focus. Y/N was down there, likely facing God knows what. Regret wasn’t going to help her. Action would. And for once, I had to put aside the arguments, the courtroom maneuvers, and the carefully crafted words.

Because this time, words wouldn’t be enough.

…

Y/N’s P.O.V

The sound of our hurried footsteps echoed down the tunnel, sharp and unrelenting. My chest ached with every breath, but I didn’t slow down. Nick’s hand rested on his gun as he moved beside me, his eyes constantly scanning the dimly lit space ahead.

Behind us, the teens huddled close, their voices low but insistent.

“Who are you, really?” the boy, Ethan, asked, his tone edged with suspicion. “We know he’s a cop, but what about you? What’s your role in all of this?”

I glanced back, offering what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “I work with the DA’s office,” I said, keeping it simple. “We’re here to get you out and stop whoever’s behind this.”

“But why us?” the girl, Mia, pressed, her voice trembling. “Why is he doing this?”

“We’re still trying to figure that out,” I admitted, my voice steady despite the growing dread twisting in my gut. “But I promise, we’re not leaving without you.”

Before either of them could ask more, the intercom crackled to life again, the grating static sending a chill down my spine.

“Well, well,” the voice drawled, its tone a mixture of amusement and fury. “I have to admit, you’ve surprised me. Not only have you managed to find more of my little treasures, but it seems Barba and his merry band have decided to crash the party.”

My stomach dropped, and I exchanged a quick glance with Nick. His jaw tightened, his hand shifting on the grip of his gun.

“You’re ruining my plans,” the voice continued, its amusement fading into cold anger. “But no matter. I’ve played my part. I’ll see you all soon. Very soon.”

The intercom cut off with a sharp click, leaving us in heavy silence. For a moment, none of us moved.

Then Nick and I locked eyes, the same mixture of joy and dread mirrored in his expression. “They’re in,” I whispered, my voice breathless. “They’re coming for us.”

“But so is he,” Nick added grimly.

Without another word, we broke into a sprint, the teens scrambling to keep up behind us. My heart pounded, not just from the exertion but from the urgency driving me forward. If the team was in the tunnels, we had to find them—fast.

“Stay close!” I called back to the teens, glancing over my shoulder to make sure they were keeping up.

Every twist and turn of the tunnels blurred together, the oppressive darkness and endless sameness threatening to disorient me. But I didn’t stop, didn’t let myself think about how far we still had to go or what might be waiting around the next corner.

The only thought keeping me going was the hope that, somewhere in this maze, Rafael and the others were searching just as desperately for us. And that we’d find each other before it was too late.

…

Rafaels P.O.V

The damp, stale air of the tunnel pressed against me, thick and suffocating. Every step we took echoed against the concrete walls, amplifying the tension hanging in the air. But then we stopped short, met with a solid brick wall.

“What the hell is this?” I muttered, running my hand over the freshly laid mortar. It was still rough to the touch, and the smell of wet cement lingered.

Finn crouched down, inspecting the base. “This is new,” he said, his voice low but certain. “Whoever put this up didn’t do it long ago.”

Sonny spun around, spotting a couple of officers near the entrance. “You two!” he barked, his voice sharp enough to make them jump. “Get sledgehammers, now! I don’t care where you find them, just move!”

The officers bolted, and for a moment, the tunnel fell silent again except for the distant dripping of water. My frustration simmered dangerously close to the surface. Every second we stood here felt like a second wasted—a second Y/N and Amaro didn’t have.

“You think they’re past this wall?” I asked Finn, though my voice came out more desperate than I intended.

“They’ve gotta be,” he replied. “This guy’s trying to funnel them.”

Before I could respond, the officers returned, lugging two heavy sledgehammers. Sonny didn’t waste a moment, grabbing one and swinging it against the wall with a loud, echoing crack. Finn took the other, their combined efforts creating a rhythm of destruction that felt painfully slow.

Finally, with a groan of collapsing masonry, a section of the wall gave way. Dust billowed out, but I didn’t hesitate. I stepped through the opening, flashlight slicing through the darkness as the team followed close behind.

We hadn’t made it far when an intercom crackled to life. I froze, my breath catching in my throat.

“Well, well,” a voice sneered, its tone laced with mockery. “I have to admit, you’ve surprised me. Not only have you managed to find more of my little treasures, but it seems Barba and his merry band have decided to crash the party.”

I felt my chest tighten at the mention of my name. The venom in his voice was unmistakable, and the weight of his hatred settled heavily on my shoulders.

“You’re ruining my plans,” he continued, his amusement fading into something darker. “But no matter. I’ve played my part. I’ll see you all soon. Very soon.”

The intercom cut out abruptly, leaving us in a silence more oppressive than before.

“Was that…?” Olivia began, but I didn’t let her finish.

“It was him,” I said firmly, my voice cold. “Let’s move.”

I broke into a sprint, the others close behind. The adrenaline surged through me, pushing back the exhaustion creeping in from hours of searching. Every step was a mix of hope and dread, knowing that the voice wasn’t just taunting us—it was a warning.

Y/N was down here. Somewhere. And I wouldn’t stop until I found her.

…

Y/Ns P.O.V

We sprinted through the inky blackness, our footsteps echoing in the confined space. Each breath was a gasp, a desperate inhale against the burning in my lungs. But we couldn't stop. We were almost there.

Then, a new sound cut through the silence—heavy footsteps, deliberate and approaching. Nick's hand shot up, a silent command to halt. He raised his gun, his eyes scanning the darkness, a predator poised to strike.

Time stretched into an eternity. The footsteps grew louder, closer. And then, around the bend, they appeared: Olivia, Sonny, Rafael, Finn, and Amanda. Their faces, etched with relief, were a beacon in the darkness.

"Y/N!" Olivia's voice, raw with emotion, pierced the air. "Amaro!" Sonny's grin was wide, his relief palpable.

I stood frozen, disbelief washing over me. We had made it. We were free. But Olivia's voice, steady and grounded, pulled us back to reality. "We're not done yet. Let's get everyone out of here."

Nick nodded, his expression hardening, though the lingering relief was still visible. We pressed on, the tunnel seeming endless. Finally, we burst into the open air of New York City.

Nick's jubilation was infectious. He whirled me around, his laughter echoing in the night. "We did it, Y/N! We're out!"

I couldn't help but smile, the exhaustion momentarily forgotten. But the respite was brief. Olivia's voice, serious and focused, brought us back to the task at hand. "We found the other teens. They're all safe."

A wave of relief washed over me, but it was short-lived. The mystery of the man behind this twisted game remained unsolved.

We recounted our ordeal to the team: the cryptic messages, the personal vendetta against Rafael, the constant references to a sister. Rafael's face, once hopeful, now bore the weight of a painful memory.

"I know who it is," he murmured, his voice barely a whisper. "I know exactly who it is."

A heavy silence fell over the group. The man's identity, his motives, and his ultimate goal remained shrouded in darkness. The game was far from over.

…

Rafael P.O.V

I watched as Nick spun Y/N around, a wide grin plastered across her face. A pang of longing shot through me. I had wanted to be the one to celebrate with her, to hold her close and never let go. But I’d hesitated, a fear of rejection holding me back again.

The relief of finding Y/N alive and well was immense. She was more than just a teammate; she was a beacon of hope in the darkness. I’d yearned for her presence, her strength, her unwavering belief in me.

Now, as we stood outside the tunnel, the weight of the past settled on my shoulders. I turned to the team, my voice barely a whisper. “It’s Anya,” I confessed. “His sister.”

A hush fell over the group as they absorbed the revelation. Anya, a name whispered in the darkness, a haunting reminder of a life lost.

“She was one of the first victims passed across my desk” I continued, my voice trembling. “Smart, kind, and full of life. That was until this man she met on one of those random dating apps took advantage of her. She begged for months for me to put him away but there just wasn’t enough evidence and being as young and stupid as I was I didn’t want to prosecute a case I knew I couldn’t win. So I turned her away. A week later she jumped in front of a train in the subway. Her brother, Marco then came begging me to charge the man who attacked Anya with her death as well but again it was a case I knew I couldn’t win so I said no”

The memory of our last conversation, filled with accusations and heartbreak, still stung. I had failed her. The guilt had consumed me ever since.

“Rafael you can’t beat yourself up over it, you live and learn” Y/N gave me a small smile resting a hand on my arm.

“I could have stop all this before it got this far, he put you in danger, Nick in danger” I looked at her fighting back tears. Before the conversation could go any further a text message lit up my phone screen.

I know your weakness, Rafael.

I stared at the message, a shaky hand coming up to wipe the sweat from my forehead. When I finally looked up from reading and rereading the message my heart sank. Y/N was no longer standing next to me.

“Rafa what’s the matter?” Olivia spoke up seeing the look of panic on my face.

“Where is Y/N?” I asked turning to look behind me.

“She’s fine, she went with Sonny to get some water” Olivia pointed off towards Sonny’s squad car.

I took off in a sprint towards the car Olivia on my heels. Each step felt like a million miles. Sonny had been knocked out and left crumpled on the road. Olivia called for a paramedic while I stood shaking, spin around trying to look everyone were at once.

“No, no, no” I shouted, my phone lit up again catching my attention “Liv he has her”

Time for round two with the most precious prize.

Tag List!

@geeksareunique @pinkladydevotee @pumpkindwight

[beanghostprincess]

Omg you like SatoSugu and Soukoku too? I’ve GOTTA hear your thoughts on them

If I start talking about my relationship with these two ships I might actually end up sobbing while I write this- But basically, both Soukoku and Satosugu are really important to me because the whole dynamic of "best friends to enemies who still have feelings for each other" reminds me of something that happened to me with my former best friend. Which is, uh, not pleasant to talk about but we had a very nasty break up and I think it's a very common experience. Somebody said something once (in my post about Shuggy making more sense if they were girls) about these ships always resembling friendships between sapphics that don't know they're sapphics yet, which changed my whole view on these three ships completely because oh lord, that person was so damn right. Because it's the possessiveness of it all, you know? Like- Being close to your best friend, so much it hurts to see them with other people and so much it's frightening to think about a world without them. You have so many feelings about this person that you can't quite place and you can't put a name to, but it's more than a friendship and it's not romantic love either. And it makes more sense being a closeted sapphic because you don't accept it might probably be love until the friendship ends in a very nasty and toxic way and then you keep resenting that person forever.

I am kind of traumadumping here, lmfao, but basically I really like these three ships because they treat this dynamic in very different ways and I am a sucker for them. The angst is immaculate and I'll never get tired of them.

I like Soukoku for a lot of reasons, BSD being my favorite manga of all time and everything. Dazai meets Chuuya when he doesn't have any reason to live but keeps working for the mafia nevertheless because Chuuya is interesting enough to keep being alive. Because perhaps that's what Dazai has been looking for. And Chuuya, well- He has mixed feelings for Dazai but his loyalty is unmatched and that's both his best and worst trait (we see that constantly, poor boy). Dazai is still, after everything, his partner. They need each other, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. They're basically canonically soulmates, at this point, and you don't even need to ship them to acknowledge it because it's just that obvious. Chuuya is the only one able to keep Dazai wanting to live and Dazai is quite literally the only one with the ability to stop Chuuya from losing control. They really are made for each other. It makes me go completely insane. The whole thing about Chuuya not being a human but being the most human and empathetic person of the mafia, and Dazai saying he isn't worthy of being called human but being physically one? That's just insane. And I could talk for hours about them and write a deeper analysis of their relationship, but I'd never finish this post, then.

Then, Satosugu. They make me equally insane. They were best friends. They were so damn close. And Gojo loved him so much that he couldn't stop Geto when he turned his back on him and walked away to become what he is now. It's just so heartbreaking, losing someone like that and all of a sudden. We see Geto losing himself over the years and falling into desperation and emptiness and Gojo not noticing until it's just too late to do anything. That's Gojo's weak spot. He's the most powerful sorcerer and dude can't fight his ex best friend because "there's no curse more twisted than love". That fucked me up completely, honestly. Gojo is such a complex character, growing up so quickly and with so many expectations, not being able to enjoy his teenage years either because they stole them from him like this. And Geto ending up all alone too, turning into just a vessel of vengeance. Like- Shit is too deep to explain it in just a tumblr post, but they make me go insane.

And Shuggy is basically the same thing but at least these two have the chance to make up and reunite at some point. Shuggy is the one that feels more realistic to me, honestly, because it genuinely feels only like a normal falling out between best friends (that definitely were something more) rather than this complicated poetic mix of metaphors and poems. These two were just kids when all of this happened, too, it makes me so ill. But I have a whole post talking about Shuggy too, so I don't think I need to explain why I like them.

TL;DR: These ships are definitely for the sapphics who had THAT best friend and had very strong feelings toward them but didn't know why, and years after a very nasty break up that still haunts them to this day they realized it was a bit more than just a friendship.

[dufferpuffer]

I may get judged for this but

Sirius/Severus/Remus is my guilty pleasure, but only when Sirius and Remus are the ones pining hopelessly after Severus since their school days and being assholes about it because 1) they're teenagers from toxic households and/or traumatic upbringing in the 70s and can't handle their homosexual thoughts, 2) they're adults even more traumatized than before and, while they can handle their homosexual thoughts now, they're very much still assholes about it because it makes them feel better about it

And 3) Severus is oblivious to all of it because his brain can't conceive the mere possibility of those two feeling anything but disdain for him (+he also hates them and would rather jump off the astronomy tower than consider them in a romantic light)

That's the only dynamic in Sirius/Severus/Remus fics that I find acceptable. A bit messy, I know

(Bonus: This creates a tense shift in Sirius and Remus' friendship because, despite what their fans and numerous headcanons provide, I don't think they'll be willing to share their love interest. That would only happen if their rival in question was James)

Hello :^) long time since you asked, I suck If I had a nickle for every time someone said Sirius/Severus/Remus was some sort of 'guilty pleasure' I would have two nickles. Why is this guilty...? Sounds normal to me I talked a little about my thoughts on this ship Here - just one concept of how I think it would go. I'm just gonna ramble more B)

Big agree on Severus not being able to comprehend it. He would think they are trying to mess with him again. Bully him. Take the powerful, intimidating aura he has carefully constructed for himself and make him slip and fall on his face. "rather jump off the astronomy tower than consider them in a romantic light" lol

Remus' flirts are so vague. Some hopeful little comment paired with a nervous gaze from his big wet eyes... Severus is cautiously confused, the intent flying over his head. He snaps back an insulting quip. Remus sighs, frustrated that he can't get his feelings across.

Sirius is far more straight forward: the type to lean against a door-frame, using his height to his advantage, and say something that can't be mistaken for anything but a flirt. Severus treats it like a threat. Like he is about to be dangled upside down again, his pants ripped off. Sirius doesn't realize how smirking and saying 'That doesn't sound so bad~' isn't appealing.

I personally struggle to imagine situations where Remus and Sirius don't have friction, even just as friends. That's the part of their relationship that interests me most: How their friendship has eroded. I do think both being after the same person would erode it more.

Remus has a jealous streak. He thinks Tonks has a crush on Sirius...? He snaps. "UGH... he ALWAYS gets the girls..." Even though he doesn't have the balls to pursue her himself.

Knowing Sirius was after the same man... I mean, its Sirius. He can't win against Sirius in terms of charisma or beauty or... anything!!! I think Remus would curl up into a ball and 'give up'... while also crawling back to try again and again. Every time he does, it reeks of tentative desperation - wanting to appear friendly and meek to Severus, 'I know I scared you when we were kids but I'm not a threat! I will roll on my back for you, please please look at me.'

Sirius, knowing Remus is after the same man... Frustrating. "Look, Mate - let me have this! You had 12 years to make a move...!" Sirius is an emotionally wise and reasonable guy. I actually think as long as he feels secure he would be pretty good at handling jealousy. But he doesn't feel secure: He can't pin Severus down. He can't catch him. The greasy bastard is too slippery. Remus has all the freedom to go and chase him down outside of the house - Sirius has to wait for every time Severus comes to visit, like a goldfish waiting for his flakes.

Desperation of a different kind: He will proactively change tactics like Australian weather - one day soft and sappy, on his knees apologizing, making a show of it... The next day hot and bright, charming smiles, pinning against the wall. Bushfire to flood. He doesn't know what to do because he doesn't really understand Severus, not unless they sit down and have a man-to-man chat. But Sirius is too desperate. He is lonely. It hurts. He isn't very patient.

But... what happens when Severus works out that either of them, maybe both, are... actually sincere? They would have to bare their souls for him. Completely. Severus is a dominating man in general, at least at first - but especially for his bullies. They would need to be on their knees.

Since Severus isn't too fond of them, that opens the door to alot of dom/sub stuff. Severus enjoying grinding his heel in their face... figuratively, and perhaps literally. He thought they were trying to humiliate him, oh ho... no. He is going to humiliate them.

Personally I'm more into sweetness than rough stuff. I don't know if Severus has it in him to say "...I forgive you." - but maybe that is something he could relish, too. Probably easier to say to Remus than Sirius. He can at least recognize that Remus didn't mean to be horrifying - and he can see how he struggles with it.

Hm.... anyway uuuhhhhh two men worshiping smug Severus' cock

[baldinar]

Kyle Deserved Better (An Unhinged Essay I Just Spent All Day On)

I have too many thoughts about Kyle and neither the heart nor energy to put them into a fic/art, so I'm just going to grumble a little bit about his missed potential for a bit under the cut here lmao.

God help us.

GCDC's plot robbed that boy.

Spoilers for, like, all of GCDC under the cut. I'm also going to talk about how Kyle has plural swag and both him and his sister desperately need some fucking therapy.

This is REALLY long, and I am only kind of sorry.

Images mostly to help break the text up for ease of reading. They are all sourced from the wiki (or in a single case, fabi_nim on Twitter because the wiki doesn't have W12 cutscenes yet lol).

Specifically, I've spent all day at work just thinking about the setup and payoff of the Dark Kyle plotline.

Pretty early on, the seed that there is some weird shit going on with Kyle is sown. Grandiel is always cagey about Kyle's well being, in large part because he's afraid of being trapped by fate (something that is reinforced and repeated throughout the narrative of his written thoughts).

When Kyle finally gets "healed" in Forest of Life (GCDC), Grandiel even mentions Baldinar by name, drawing their relationship closer as the reveal draws nearer in World 3 about the nature of the two kids. This reveal is, of course, that both Kyle and Cindy have Baldinar's prana (aka: parts of his soul). They were both part of the machinations he underwent trying to revive the person he loved.

The narrative doesn't explicitly say why the facilities created the siblings, but while I was at work today, it kind of struck me that it's possible they were intentionally made to look the way they did, not because they were intended to be proxies of Baldinar and the Town Girl, but possibly because they were intended to be the children Baldinar and her would have had. Essentially, they are the personified grief for a life that was lost to tragedy.

With the information we get during the Underworld arc, I was thinking about how Cindy never got stricken by memories from Baldinar, while Kyle seems to have inherited them all (so much so that looking at his sister reminds him of Baldinar's dead lover). Kyle takes after Baldinar's personality more explicitly than Cindy, being prideful and headstrong, and, as Baldinar himself states in the epilogue for the World 3 raid: "You were a part of me, but became so different... Even when you are in pain, you never say it. You just joke your way out of it."

(As an aside, it's worth noting that Cindy's growing obsession with her concern for Kyle following his descent and kidnapping may be intended to parallel Baldinar's own fervor for reviving his dead lover. In Baldinar's case, he was willing to destroy anything to bring her back. In Cindy's case, she's willing to destroy herself to bring Kyle back. Both are self-destructive, inevitably, because of how much they love someone else more than they can reason. This is also noticeable in her prologue story for her SR healer unit: notice how she is surrounded by books in a dark, ominous lighting, a lot like Baldinar was in the arc leading up to his villainization.)

I think it would even be fair to call Kyle a personification of Baldinar's trauma, or a desire for simpler times. He inherited Baldinar's trauma, after all, when the Tower of Memories released its light. It's a large part of what allowed Heitaros to take hold of him and send him spiraling into the darkness. It's also worth noting that all this is on top of Kyle being both a teenager (though, also note that both Kyle and Cindy age very fast due to being homonculi, so his actual age is very young) and having lived his own personal traumas through nearly dying multiple times, alongside the rest of the plot.

(Again, obviously Cindy goes through all of this as well, but Cindy at least gets some of her trauma response highlighted by the narrative beyond "manipulated plot device screaming in agony a few times while the plot laser keeps them from being a character." Cindy spends the whole adventure also seeing Kyle nearly die because of how reckless he is.)

We see Kyle get tricked in the lead-up to his kidnapping, and during that, Kyle keeps hearing the voice of Baldinar and his memories; his faint recollection or hearing of Baldinar's voice is a constant throughout the story, though it's moreso implied than explicitly stated. Consider how he heard the voice of someone calling out to Baldinar in Act 11.1 (the first stage of Kounat), explicitly tying Kyle to Baldinar's memories. The line quoted here, if I had to make a guess, is potentially a reference to Grandiel's dialogue in Kounat's Collapse (a notoriously badly-translated dungeon from GCC): "Let's start over, Baldinar" (GCDC) vs "Let's go back to the way it was..." (GCC).

All this is to say, Kyle is connected to Baldinar's prana in a way that Cindy is not drawn out to be.

This difference in the siblings is most noticeable when Kyle receives the weight of Baldinar's memories, but it's also noticeable in the way Heitaros is able to communicate with Kyle. In Act 16.8, Kyle begins to hear someone calling out to him, which is implied to be Heitaros. He finds himself alone, only hearing the voice for a moment before being snapped back to the world around him. Eventually, this ends up with Kyle alone in the Tower of Memories, being confronted by who he thinks to be Baldinar. Heitaros, disguised as Baldinar, encourages Kyle to stop resisting the taint in his prana (his "instinct," as the English translation puts it), making it easier for Kyle to slip into darkness.

We don't see Kyle for a long time after this, but every time he shows up henceforth, he appears to be in a lot of pain-- enough so that he's difficult to keep hold of (passing from Heitaros's hands, to Jupiter's Angels, back to Nelia's). He's also in a constant vulnerable state, easily manipulated through his pain and fear of weakness, which we see through Amal'thea's manipulation of Kyle during the Terre Gate arc.

Actually, the Terre Gate arc and what little we do get developing Kyle during his pain is a large part of why it hit me today just how pissed I am about the missed potential of his story.

Throughout the Terre Gate arc, we see Kyle emoting more in his dark form than he's ever been allowed to thus far, which is how we can tell that he is not simply a mindless creature of violence in his state. Despite the fact he's getting passed around so much, he seems hyper-aware of the mistakes he's made that caused him to unleash his trauma in such a way. Amal'thea takes full advantage of this with her suggestion for Kyle, who seems to blame himself for Heitaros's own plans; where Kyle wants to flee when finally freed of the restraints that have kept him in check, and is content enough to run for the rest of his life, Amal'thea instead tells him to face Heitaros.

This is, of course, what leads to Kyle getting his body possessed by Heitaros.

Kyle puts up a fight, which perhaps has some influence on Heitaros's decision not to immediately kill the Grand Chase. It's a little hard to tell, especially in the translation, but it is interesting to note how quick Heitaros is to turn from determining to kill everyone right where his resurrection is complete to allowing them to witness the birth of a new world.

There's a lot of weird shit that goes on in this last chapter, but inevitably it ends up that Sieghart is able to run into both Heitaros and Kyle (Myst also shows up because of course he does) in what is supposed to be the Astral Plane or some shit like that, but considering how many times Heitaros has dragged Kyle into private conversations, it's really reminiscent of the billion other times that's happened. Kyle notes that Sieghart "can't escape" that place, implying that people inside of it are inextricably linked through the place. It's only when Kyle makes the sacrifice of his own soul, breaking the link he has with Heitaros, that the space fizzles out and frees both him and Sieghart.

And then the next time we see Kyle, aside from a shot of his near-dead corpse a few times (with him falling onto Cindy and lamenting that she gave up everything to revive him), is...

When he's months into recovery. In the epilogue for the world.

BITES KOG BITES KOG BITES KOG

Ugh, anyways.

Kyle has plural swag in large part because of the burden of Baldinar's soul on him, but also because that whole weird ass sequence with Heitaros and the astral plane, idk? It gives me plural vibes, the idea that they're inseparable so long as they're alive, especially thanks to Cindy's mending. Considering the way Heitaros speaks about Baldinar when occupying his body, it seems to me it's also possible that at some point there was a Baldinar soul construct he "digested;" look at Grandiel's likeability, where Baldinar is taken from the Wizard's Labyrinth with the confidence he goes towards Heitaros, then how Heitaros talks about Baldinar's soul in Tower of Memories. This idea of the succession of memories and the burden they put on you, whether you remember them or not, is such a distinctly plural storyline to us as a plural trauma survivor.

And KOG just like, dropped the ball like a hot coal once Kyle went dark. Kyle deserved so much better, damn it. He got put in the Freezer of Evil while half the plot resolved itself.

Some other loose notes, mostly about Kyle vs. Decanee and why it pisses us off so much Kyle wasn't allowed to be around for plot reasons during her arc:

It always struck me that Kyle and Decanee were meant to be foils to one another, if not simply parallels.

This is mostly because both of them are homunculi of some sorts; Kyle of Baldinar, Decanee of Kaze'aze. Both also struggle with their identity due to the acquisition of memories that aren't their own.

The biggest difference is that Decanee was created with and had the expectation of her performance of "Kaze'aze" imposed on her, while Kyle only really got that expectation laid on him after he had already begun to develop as a person.

More specifically, Kyle notes his hesitance to repeat Baldinar's mistakes after discovering the history of his soul. He fears repeating evil, and becoming another part of the cycle of violence that operates on all people in the dimensions.

Meanwhile, Decanee has no qualms with acting like Kaze'aze or Karina, but expresses explicit discomfort with being actually seen as either of them, highlighting the performance of self as it relates to constructs such as herself (and thus, by extension, Kyle and Cindy).

In that sense, both Kyle and Decanee are characters deeply interrogating the nature of the world of Grand Chase, and the cycles of violence that are perpetuated by its many structures of fate, ambition, and vengeance.

-H

[shifuto]

alright so this is probably one of the things I disliked THE MOST about this show.. because Aki was such an interesting character thanks to all these conflicts and, quite literally, power ^^;

now it's not to say that she isn't interesting now but I think they could've done redemption on her much differently.. how come the others got power throughout the series, and she loses hers? How is that fair? Even more when her powers were something so rare, how do you even lose those, what the fuck man....

to me, they "downgraded" her and gave Sherry a lot of the same conflicts - but kept Sherry that way until her arc arc has finished, instead of doing what they did to Aki - and Aki, currently, is merely a shadow of the past having nowhere as near as much power, or confidence, or anything really ^^; but like.. yeah I get it, I get it.. everything she has done was kind of as a way to cope and as a defense, too, and after being "saved" by Yusei and the others, she has to start anew, to build that power and confidence and everything back up, and not relying on her psychic powers anymore etc etc..

what ended up happening - and this is the cure of girls in Yugioh, really - is that she becomes the helpless female character who is the love interest of the main character, and starts acting as such..... like I'm not shitting you, it's annoying at times.. where is the Aki we met at the start, the one that beat Yusei's ass? Where is that sadistic and evil Aki? Well, she's not evil anymore, now she is just some girl in a shonen series and will be treated as such (: and it's going to fucking suck ass (: (: I wanna scream man 🤣 get me out of here I hate this 🤣🤣

so.. how would I redeem Aki?

I would not change her into someone else! I would take all those "evil" things she did out of ignorance or as a way to survive and they would become important weapons to her. Everything under her control. I'm trying to think of another character that would fit here and Sherry and Jack both come to my mind! Sherry was "evil" in that she was seeking revenge desperately, but it didn't come from an uninformed or misguided place (much how it went for Aki); Jack can be very sadistic, even though it might not be so obvious but that whole grandiose demeanor of him, and the whole crushing the opponent through sheer brute force should tell you something. Neither him nor Sherry had to change extremely much in their own "redemption" arcs, while for Aki I feel like she is another person entirely..

now, it could be a deeper issue though.. maybe this is what Aki really looks like, and what we got when we met her was all a facade - or worse: something Divine sowed into her - or it could be also a product of trauma, etc.. well the fact is that she has had these powers ever since she was a kid and I don't think Aki as a kid was full of that "darkness" in her own heart, she was a kid, it was something else and this "darkness" made the powers grow. Alright

I like to think that she would eventually make peace with all these parts of herself and, eventually, move forward looking confident and powerful (with or without the psychic powers) but uhh, sure.. she's a teenager, she has a lot to process, and a lot to grow and heal too. Lastly, she ends up becoming a doctor. Very probable that comes from a place of repentance about past deeds, and it's fair.

I probably have to do my own process of grieving over what her character could've become and cry about the yugioh curse on female characters 🤣

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

Summer Crush

Hydrangeas

Part 5

Summary: Sam had been caught in the middle of a friendship triangle for years. The problem was it wasn’t a competition for you. No you actually had a secret crush on his other best friend, Danny. When the boys come home for the summer Sam gives you one word of advice, distance yourself from Danny.

Pairings: Danny Wagner x fem reader x Sam Kiszka *slash pairing

Warnings: 18+, NO minors!, sexual content, slash pairings, friends to lovers, kind of enemies to lovers, love triangles, drinking, other recreational drug use, talk of jealousy, potential threesomes, not going too into detail yet don’t want to spoil it but do be warned 🫣, if the part number is in italics then there’s spice

Word count: 6.9k hehe I did not do that on purpose

“Fuck off, Sam” your voice was a serious tone of caution with the hint of an exhausted groan.

“Don’t be mad at me for the rest of the night, I told her I’m off limits for the next 24 hours” Sam sighed, although his sound was still smug and slightly annoyed which only pissed you off even more.

You started to ignore him now, sitting on the concrete bench outside the venue and crossing your arms. You squeezed your hands against your bare upper arms in an attempt to ignore the sting of the cold outside air.

“Look, she came onto me”. Sam for whatever reason continued to talk thinking he was doing himself a favor but instead just making himself look more like an ass. “I’m not even that into her anyways”.

“Then what the hell are you doing Sam?! Trying to make an absolute joke out of me?” Your voice came out this time a little louder than you had anticipated, exploding out of your mouth in frustration and hurt.

He looked over at you puzzled and you rolled your eyes at his complete lack of understanding for how his behavior tonight reflected badly on you. Sure just about everyone here knew you and Sam were only friends, but that didn’t mean he had the go ahead to make out with whoever he wanted. He was here as your date but he wasn’t acting like it whatsoever.

It had been Josh’s idea for you to invite Sam to prom. After all, when it was Sam’s senior year he would probably be too busy to attend his own prom, so you all figured going together this time around would be more fun anyways. Fun it was, until you went searching for the restroom and found Sam leaned over with a random girl pressed against the wall, shamelessly making out.

Anyone who wandered down the right hallway could have seen them, and by the looks on their faces they didn’t seem surprised that they’d been caught, but that it was you who did the finding.

You were starting to realize that although Sam was supposed to be accompanying you to this stupid dance as your best friend, he was just another horny teenage guy looking to get an easy hookup with a desperate girl.

You sighed and closed your eyes, trying to let the cold breeze cool you down both figuratively as it was physically. Once that started to work you back tracked your thoughts. It wasn’t fair of you to call that girl desperate, even if it was only to yourself, but you still felt bad. On the other hand, you were still pretty upset with the way Sam was handling it like you were over reacting. Still, you didn’t want to let it ruin the rest of your prom.

“Apologize, like you mean it, and we will go back inside”.

Sam scoffed at first, he felt like you were treating him like a child, but eventually he gave in and took a seat next to you on the bench.

“What’s the big deal anyways, it’s not like we’re together” he kicked a pebble that was on the ground in front of him as he was avoiding your glare by staring down.

“That’s not the point, you don’t go around making out with others while you’re supposed to be with someone else regardless of whether you’re together or not. It’s just common courtesy” you stated the simple truth but he still felt like it was just a scolding which wasn’t helping him see his fault in the matter any clearer.

“You ever stop to realize that by me inviting you here meant I didn’t get to come with anyone else? Maybe I wanted to go to my prom with an actual date” your hands were still crossed tightly over your chest, but if they hadn’t already been then you surely would have crossed them now.

Finally this conversation was starting to get his true interest, although maybe for the wrong reasons. He turned towards you trying to hold back a mischievous smirk. “Who would you rather be here with then?”

You shrugged your shoulders, you weren’t exactly trying to insinuate that you wanted someone else. It was just another point you were making. Although once the idea was in your head you couldn’t help but think of the only other person you could see yourself with here, Danny.

There was no telling how Sam would react to that picture though, his two best friends going to prom together while he stayed at home. Yeah, he didn’t seem like the type to be thrilled about being left out like that, which was why you were here with him instead.

“Would you just apologize already so we can go, it’s really cold out here” you ignored answering his question and reminded him he still had to make this up to you.

“You’re the one who took off out here in the first place” again he was trying to reflect the blame, but soon enough his posture softened and he wrapped his arm around your shoulders pulling you close to him in an effort to help warm you up just a little. “I’m sorry”.

You let your breath fall from your lips like you hadn’t realized you’d been holding it in for a while now. Looking up over at him you nodded in acceptance and you both stood. He kept you under his arm as you both walked back into the building together to rejoin the party. “I’m also sorry that my good looks are just too irresistible to most these women in here” he popped out right before you made it back into the ballroom where the dancing was still going strong.

You shoved him off of you and made your way through the maze of covered tables over to the one you shared with his brothers and their dates. First you downed what was left of your drink before trying to find where they were on the floor ready to dance out the rest of your frustrations.

Although you met up with some friends and started bouncing to the beat of the popular pop songs they played you couldn’t help but search the crowd for the brothers.

Josh was easy to find. He enjoyed dancing and parties so he was having a great time, probably hadn’t even noticed that either you or Sam had disappeared for so long. Jake was harder to spot, he was standing towards the edge of the dance floor near the drink table. Although this wasn’t exactly his scene, he was enjoying watching his older brother make a fool of himself without it being at his own expense.

At this point, you couldn’t care much what Sam was doing anymore, but your eyes still fell on him standing by your table giving a sly smile to the same girl from earlier.

Just when you thought your tightly braided and pinned up hair was about to come flying off the top of your head in an explosion of pressure, you stormed off the floor in his direction. Before you could interrupt them though, you watched as the girl shrugged her shoulders and Sam leaned over to give her a small hug only to turn away from her and catch your piercing stare.

“Someone’s still a little angry” Sam was bold to test your attitude but quickly followed it up with an explanation. “She came to me asking if I wanted to ditch the rest of the party. I told her although I would have loved to on any other occasion, tonight I had someone really important to me counting on me to be there for them”.

“Sam if you want to go just go” you sighed, already tired of trying to chaperone him instead of just enjoying yourself.

“No I’m serious” he grabbed your hand before you could walk away and held it there at waist height for a minute slowly rubbing his thumb across your knuckles, something he had done a thousand times in the past to help calm you down. “I didn’t realize tonight meant so much to you. Let me try to make it up to you?”

You tucked your chin down against your collar, trying to figure out what had gotten into you all of a sudden as you felt your cheeks flush. Tonight was never meant to be a big deal to you; it was just another highschool right of passage, a tradition and you weren’t usually the one to care much for participating in things for traditions sake. Once the night came though, you got all dressed up and it hit you that this evening might be one of the last important nights you got to spend with the three of them. Even with that sentimental realization it wasn’t explaining why you were so mad at Sam for ditching you earlier. You chalked it up to your hesitancy to let him go when the end of the summer would eventually put more distance between the two of you than ever before. Yeah it had to be that, because you couldn’t let yourself believe you were getting caught up in the fantasy of prom night as you let your best friend guide you back onto the dance floor.

“Hey, are you awake?” Sam questioned while you blinked your eyes open and closed. You were curled up against the door in the backseat and he had the opposite open, leaning over across the seats as he gently shook your shoulder to wake you. When he determined you were conscious enough to understand what he was telling you he revealed the reason for the interruption of your dream. “We are on grocery pick up duty, this is the closest market to the lake house. You might want to come pick out your own snacks”.

You sat up slowly and glanced through the window you were just soundly asleep on and saw the small nearly empty parking lot you were now parked in. A small but sufficient grocery store clad in log cabin style siding was just across the lot and you could just barely catch a glimpse of Danny’s figure walking through its front doors.

“Yea ok I’ll catch up” you replied stretching out your tight body and Sam backed out of the tight space, running to meet Danny inside before he got too far.

You grabbed your cross body bag and opened the passenger side door to lock the car before making your way inside as well, although you decided to go off on your own rather than listen to the boys argue and debate over what to get for everyone. Surely the twins had to have realized putting these two in charge of selecting the food for the week meant someone would be making a store run later on to get stuff for actual meals before you all starved. Still you were interested to see what they would get as you wandered through the aisles picking out a few of your favorites before you found yourself farther away from the food and into the rows of products double checking you hadn’t forgotten any necessities.

Just as you were about to finish up and try to find the boys you stopped in your tracks, biting at your thumb nail as your eyes fixated on the assortment of small boxes hanging in front of you.

You hadn’t expected to be browsing through the condom selection of some random small town market, but once they caught your eye you started to think having some just in case might be a good idea.

Before you could second guess yourself you reached up and grabbed a random box off the shelf and hurried down the aisle, checking all around you to make sure you were not going to get caught until after you had checked out.

You were pleased to see that although the store was quaint they still had a few options for self service. Quickly you scanned the box and threw it into your bag before accounting for the rest of your things and paying the total without a sign of either boy in sight. You breathed a sigh of relief, almost flabbergasted with yourself for not only attempting that but succeeding.

It took about another fifteen minutes before you spotted Sam and Danny rounding around the end of the aisle towards the check out with a cart full of what they had decided on. You helped them scan the items, chuckling at the variety but honestly surprised they seemed to have done quite a good job.

“Jake text me a list” Danny admitted to you and Sam shot him a faux hurt look like Danny had betrayed a secret they had which only made you giggle harder as you all carried the bags out to the car.

“Only about 35 minutes left before we get there” Sam announced as he started the car back up once everyone was situated back in their seats only this time Sam was driving instead of Danny since he was more familiar with the directions.

Although the first half of the drive was rather quiet with Danny playing soft music over the speakers, tapping his fingers with the beat against the steering wheel while you and Sam did little to keep him company. Now you were all snacked up and energetic for the last stretch. The anticipation that the excitement of the week held permeated the atmosphere of the car as the three of you sang along loudly to Sam’s choice of songs.

Although Sam’s eyes were mostly fixed on the road, Danny was able to look back at you, flashing you a toothy grin which made your heart ache. “Are you sure you’re ready to share a house with us for a whole week? Not going to get sick of them by Tuesday?”

You narrowed your eyes, fighting your lips turning up into a smile at the corners, at the way he said ‘sick of them’ like he wouldn’t be included in the feeling. “You forget I’ve actually been before”.

You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into, but nothing you could consider happening was more nerve wracking than the talk you eventually were going to have to have with Sam.

Days before agreeing to all go on the trip together you had told Danny that you didn’t want to keep your relationship a secret from Sam anymore. You had even been as honest as to admit to him you didn’t really consider each of you dating until you made it official by telling the others. Josh and Jake you both knew wouldn’t be a problem, but the words Sam had told you that night at the party when everyone got back to town rang through your ears as a constant anxiety that he might not accept it, his best friends being together in a way that he wasn’t included. Or at least you figured that was why Sam would be so against it.

The time passed by quickly while you and Sam shared old memories of a childhood summer when you came to the lake house to Danny who looked more than pleased to be hearing about a very young you holding your ground against the Kiszka bunch who were even more rambunctious as kids.

Before you knew it Sam was turning into the driveway and your memories turned into a strong form of nostalgia as you saw the house for the first time in so many years.

Josh’s car was already parked, he and Jake had driven up the day before to make sure everything would be ready when the rest of you got here.

Sam took off inside, you and Danny shaking your heads and sharing a look before you both stayed behind to gather up the groceries to bring in. Jake met you halfway and took over for you so you could go back and collect your bags to bring inside as well.

As soon as you entered through the front door Sam and Josh were chasing each other through the living room, Sam nearly knocking into Danny who was trying to bring his half of the groceries into the kitchen just further on.

“What are they fighting about already?” You asked Jake who was avidly ignoring them as he put the items from the bags away.

“Sam is mad because Josh said he slept in his room last night” Jake replied to you while still ignoring his brothers arguing.

“He says he slept in my bed naked last night!” Sam hollered from the living room in clear disgust before attempting to launch forward at Josh again who nimbly avoided his grab once more.

“What can I say? The sheets came out of the dryer so warm!” he teased with a smirk. No one really believed him, probably not even Sam, but him even pretending it happened was egging Sam on.

You shook your head and turned back to Jake, “How are the sleeping arrangements being made?”

“Josh and I are sharing my parents' bedroom down here. Sam’s taking his usual room, and you and Danny can decide who wants our rooms upstairs” Danny had left back outside to get his and Sam’s things, but he returned just in time to hear the last bit of what Jake was telling you.

“Upstairs?” Danny clarified and started up the stairway by the door to put their belongings up in the rooms.

Sam shot Josh one last warning look before giving in and following Danny up to show him where all the rooms were located.

“Here, let me help you with that” Josh walked over to you and offered to carry your larger bag up the stairs. “You can take my room” he went up first, meeting Sam and Danny at the top, hesitating for a moment when Sam debated trying to catch him once more.

“Can you guys please drop it?” You called up at them, trying to finish making your way up the steps before another running match broke out. They were definitely trying to show off since everyone was all here now.

“Excuse me, I’m trying to show the lady to her room” Josh eased past them to go to the door at the end of the hallway on the left.

Sam’s room was the only bedroom on the right of the hallway, you vaguely remembered it from the last time you were here, but you had never been in Jake or Josh’s rooms which were just across the hallway.

Once inside you noticed it was a little smaller than you remembered Sam’s bedroom being, either that or growing older had just put the proportions into perspective.

Josh set your bag down as you walked around, taking the small details in. There wasn’t much in the house outside of the usual vacation home decorations, but something about it still felt like Josh. That would definitely take some getting used to.

“Don’t worry, your sheets are clean” Josh smiled but nervously wiped his palm on the back of his neck.

“Thanks, for inviting me and letting me stay in here” you offered him back a smile although it didn’t do much to help ease the awkwardness of the situation.

“Of course, we’re glad you came. Sam is across the hall,” he took a few steps to the side and opened the door to show you a small empty closet with one clothing rod and a couple of built-in shelves. “Bathroom is through that door” he pointed over to another door across the room.

You chose to walk over this time, opening the door to check there was indeed a bathroom on the other end like he’d said. Inside was a long narrow bathroom with a double sink and another door at the other end. You raised an eyebrow and looked over at him in question.

“Oh, right, it’s a shared bathroom with Jake’s room, well Danny’s for the time being. I’ll show him where the bathroom is downstairs so you can have this one for yourself”. He walked past you and opened the door to the joint room to which you found a surprised Danny on the other side.

“Hey” you smiled over at him from behind Josh.

“Hey” he replied, trying to concentrate on the boy in front of him before giving up and tearing his eyes off of him to look at you. Once you caught each other's eye he smiled back and Josh glanced between you two before brushing it off.

“I was just telling her I would show you the bathroom downstairs so she can have some privacy with this one” Josh explained to him, hopefully not noticing the heavy air that was quickly settling in the room around you.

“Of course” Danny replied with a sideways smirk, although he seemed pretty pleased to find out the rooms the two of you were staying in were connected.

“Have any plans for the rest of the afternoon?” You asked Josh while you still had him up here.

“Not much for today, just want everyone to get settled” he shrugged his shoulders and offered to continue showing Danny around the rest of the house since he was the only one who had never been before.

You retreated back into your room and unpacked a few things before heading back downstairs to see if Jake needed help with anything.

The rest of the afternoon went by smoothly, each of you taking turns helping get dinner ready in the kitchen and setting up the dining table which sat right in front of large French doors that overlooked the backyard. Just a few yards and a bit downhill you could see the glistening waters of the lake shining in bright hues of yellow and orange with the setting sun.

After dinner the boys brought out some drinks and migrated through the sliding glass doors, starting a fire at the pit which was surrounded by lounge chairs. Each of you took a chair and nursed your drinks while the fire roared to life. There was some small talk, but mostly everyone just watched as the flames flicked wildly in the otherwise pitch black night of the countryside.

Although none of you had done anything particularly exerting compared to what was surely in store, you knew there was always something about road trips that tired people out.

That being said, Sam was the first to excuse himself, Jake following him back inside to retire for the night as well.

You gave it a while, you were pretty tired as well but thought you could manage staying out a little longer if Josh and Danny were going to.

It grew much quieter with just the three of you outside now, the sound of the fire fighting against the wind to stay alive crackling a constant form of white noise into the night.

“I have a treat for you guys” Josh finally spoke, his voice just barely above the sound of the fire. He hopped up from his spot and ran inside briefly before returning with a wide smile like he was up to no good.

“I’m a little worried” you chuckled nervously until Josh revealed a small joint expertly rolled in a tight brown wrapper.

“Hell yes” Danny smiled back to Josh and took the piece from him to inspect it. Josh encouraged him to light it up then the two of them shared a couple of puffs until you cleared your throat.

Danny looked over at you suprised, sure they had seen you drink from time to time, but never engage in any other forms of recreation. It was obvious they weren’t around your sophomore year of college.

You extended your hand and Danny gave you a turn. You tried to act cool and take an easy hit, but it had definitely been a long time since you had participated and the stuff Josh had was far better than anything you’d ever tried in college so you ended up coughing pretty hard and giving it back after just a couple of tries.

Josh still seemed to be impressed, a permanent smile plastered on his face as he was given another turn, his eyelids already starting to drop.

It was Danny’s turn again but the wind had picked up considerably, most likely due to the black clouds that were drawing closer and closer in the sky threatening to consume the last bit of moonlight that was keeping you out.

He fought back strands of long hair that were flying around his face and you called him over to sit in front of you while you worked his hair through your fingers, braiding it back so that it wasn’t blowing around anymore.

As he sat on the ground between your legs, either forgetting where he was for a moment or just too high to care anymore, he ran his fingers up the back of you leg before bringing his palm around the curve of your knee and caressing your thigh.

Your posture stiffened but you were almost done braiding his hair so you finished the last bit then allowed him back up.

“Thanks” he smiled over at you when he returned to his seat, his eyes lingering on your presence just a little too long before shifting his attention back to the fire.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me!” Josh exclaimed. Despite his inebriated state he was darting back and forth between you and Danny, finally picking up on the not so stealthy interactions you were both doing a terrible job at hiding all day. “The two of you?!” He was putting the pieces together quickly and there seemed to be no denying it now.

“What?” Danny’s eyes were wide with shock as he fought in his foggy mind to quickly come up with an excuse.

You saved him the struggle though, letting Josh be the first one in on your secret. “Actually, yeah. We’re kind of together”. You reached over and Danny happily took your hand in his, giving it a squeeze for support. “But the others don’t know. We want to tell them when the time is right, especially Sam. Okay?”

Josh erupted in laughter, maybe this hadn’t been the ‘right’ time to tell him while you were all feeling funny and out of it, but it still felt like a partial weight off your chest. “Sam’s going to be pissed” Josh replied when the laughter died down, shaking his head and taking the last puff of the joint before setting it out on a rock next to him.

“Any advice?” Danny asked, thinking now that you at least had one Kiszka in your corner it would make converting all of them easier.

“Maybe just don’t wait too long?” He offered, standing up to indicate he was about ready to go inside now. “And do a little better at hiding it until you tell him otherwise he will eventually catch on. Sam can be dense sometimes but you’re probably the two most important people in the world to him that aren’t his blood”.

Despite having been overly happy just a moment ago, Josh’s words sank in hard. On one hand it was nice to hear someone else doting on your unique relationship, but further knowing how betrayed Sam would feel when you told him made you worry how this would eventually all turn out.

“I think I’m ready to go back inside” you turned towards Danny who shook his head and helped Josh put the fire out before you all returned to the house. Rain started to fall from the sky just as you made it back in, but still managed to catch the each of you with a couple of large drops.

“Well good night, and good luck” Josh whispered as he snuck into the room downstairs trying not to bother Jake inside.

Danny followed you up the stairs, grabbing your waist and pulling you into a quick kiss before you parted ways into your own rooms.

You took your time getting ready for bed, mostly because you could hardly feel your limbs anymore. The few takes at the joint outside combined with the couple of drinks you had were starting to affect you more than you anticipated.

After your nighttime routine and slipping into a little pajama shorts set you crawled on and sank into the bed. Normally the sound of thunder outside would keep you awake, but tonight it was actually calming you down as you closed your eyes and began to drift off.

The thunder also concealed the sound of a door opening in the room, you had no idea the bathroom door had creaked forward until you felt someone crawling from the end of the bed through the blankets towards you.

A pair of calloused hands slid their way up your legs easily finding the hem of your shorts and tugging them down. You sighed, opening your legs once they were free of the fabric and allowing the body to settle between them.

“Danny-” you mewled, knowing no one else in the house would be joining you in the bed like this. He pulled the covers slowly down, first off your chest then further down until he could peak his head out and see you.

“Shh” he sounded with a finger to his lips before he moved that finger and brought it to your center, rubbing it through your folds and teasing around all your sensitive spots.

“Mmm, Danny please” you whimpered, moving your hips trying to catch his touch against where you needed it.

“You will have to be quiet, don’t want to wake anyone up” he glanced over at the door to the hallway with a cocked eyebrow before returning to you and placing wet kisses between your thighs.

The storm outside was raging on, a flash of lightning illuminating the room only briefly but revealing the most salacious image of Danny going down on you followed by a loud crack of thunder.

“On second thought, you can be loud, we just have to time it right” he smiled up at you with a glint in his eyes at his new found entertainment.

“What do you mea-” you weren’t following his line of thought but was immediately silenced by the feeling of his tongue dragging up where his finger had just been tracing and settling over the tip of your most sensitive area.

“I’ll show you, keep quiet for now” he muttered in between licks, waiting for exactly the right moment.

Another strike of lightning and Danny’s head shot up, replacing his tongue with this thumb and rubbing fast circles, his lips and chin glistening with how wet you were in the flash. “Here it is, count with me”.

“What?” You were more confused than before but growing less and less concerned with trying to understand him and more interested in him using his mouth again.

Another crash of thunder. “Three seconds, I can work with that” he said more or less to himself then moved back down to continue with his tongue, placing two fingers at your entrance but holding them there steady.

Another strike of lightning then within three seconds Danny was pushing inside drawing another moan out of you as the thunder rumbled past.

You were starting to understand now what he meant by getting the timing right. He was using the lightning and the following thunder to provide the cover he needed to draw the sound out of you, driving you absolutely crazy for a few seconds then letting back up so you could catch your breath and wait for the next moment to come.

Another strike of lightning and you tried not to tense up for what you now knew was coming. He pressed his lips around your clit and sucked while changing the angle of his fingers inside, curling the long digits up right into your favorite spot.

“Mmm- no no no no!” Your hand flew to your mouth as your protests lasted just a bit longer than the rumble of the thunder this time.

Danny slowed down and pulled back, looking up at you again with concern. “What is it? Did I hurt you?”

“Ohmygodno” you expelled in one long breath. “It feels so good” you whined, throwing your head back in frustration.

“Then what’s the problem?” You could hear the smirk in his tone as he picked up the pace a little, just waiting for the next flash to queue him in on when he could really go for it again.

You grabbed his hand before it could happen, moving to try and sit up to face him. “In my bag, on the dresser” you pointed over to the dark corner of the room where you knew you had left your crossbody with the box you bought earlier today just inside.

It was his turn to be confused but he did as you asked and left you to find the bag, flipping it open and fishing around. “You brought condoms?” He chuckled, surprised but pleased nonetheless.

“Bought them actually, today at the store” you giggled back, sitting all the way up to pull your top over your head. “Now are you coming back over here or not?”

He set the bag back where he found it and fumbled with getting the brand new box open, bumping into the bed while he was distracted.

“Wait” you stopped him from getting back onto the bed giving him a demand to complete first, “shorts, off”.

He pulled one square out and removed his only piece of clothes like you’d asked, leaving them on the floor with the box. You waited patiently and watched as he expertly rolled the condom on and got back onto the bed. The only problem now was he laid down next to you instead of where you wanted him to be, back between your legs of course.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He sounded pained that he’d come this far just to hold himself back, but he had to make sure. “I know we’ve been doing things but I don’t mind keeping it like that for a while. At least until you know we’re officially dating”. You shoved his chest playfully knowing he was poking fun at you but still understanding his sentiment.

You took a moment to really think about what he was asking instead of choosing to stay wound up in the moment and making a rash decision. When you came inside after talking with Josh you’d decided you wanted to tell Sam tomorrow, but you were still unsure what the outcome of that conversation would be. You wanted this, especially now you wanted it bad. After tomorrow you didn’t know when the opportunity would present itself again, and if Sam was going to be pissed at you then you might as well make it worth your while.

Before giving him your answer you moved to swing a leg around his waist, placing either hand on both his shoulders to hold him in place to the bed and help keep your hips hovered above him. You moved one hand to cup his face making sure he was looking you in the eyes as you spilled out every emotion you’d been keeping secret all these years.

“Danny, no matter what happens this week I want you to know that you are such a good person. You’re so patient and caring, and sweet and kind and sexy. Fuck I want this, I’ve wanted it for so long. I want you, and I want you to want me, I need it, I-”

Danny cut you off by lunging forward and crashing your lips together. He grabbed at your hips, digging his fingertips into the flesh as he pulled you down flush against him. “I want you too” he assured you between passionate kisses.

You broke free but he continued his kisses down your neck and against your collar then even lower until he had one of your hardened nipples pulled between his lips sucking and nibbling on it. Lifting your hips again you leaned forward and whispered into his ear “good then fuck me already”.

With the warm up from earlier and the heat rising from your shared affections your core was aching to be filled again. He quickly helped grant your wishes by slipping a hand between your bodies and lining himself up before you slowly sank back down onto him sighing at the feeling of the good stretch until you were fully seated again. Taking your time, you placed a hand on his slightly sweaty chest to balance yourself as you rocked your hips forward and backwards.

Unfortunately the storm had already passed, only the lingering wind was blowing against the window as you both panted and muffled your moans.

You knew this position would work just fine for you, a tension was already growing in the pit of your stomach as you moved at a slow steady pace, but Danny was clenching his fists in the sheets, trying hard to let you keep control but wanting desperately to move himself.

“Can we switch?” You asked then tried to get up but Danny grabbed onto your waist and pulled himself forward until both of your chests were pressed together then rolled you over in one swift throw of your bodies.

You were surprised with the maneuver, giggling a little until your breath was caught as he hooked one of your legs around his arm and hitched it up to get a deeper angle.

“Right there!” You cried out into the safe space between his neck and shoulder, pulling some of the skin there into your mouth to keep the rest of your noises muted as he continued thrusting into you.

“Are you close?” He asked as you slowly drove him crazy placing kisses and love bites all up and down the curve of his neck being ever so careful not to leave any lasting marks, at least not tonight. “Please tell me you’re close, I don't think I can last much longer”.

“I’m close, just don’t stop” you ran a hand down his side. It lifted with the curve of his ass and you drug your nails down his cheek causing him to grunt and groan into your ear before slipping your hand between your bodies and finding the space to rub your fingers in circles.

You hadn’t realized how close you actually were until your knees started to shake and your body was feeling warm and fuzzy. Sucking in a deep breath your mouth falling open in silent bliss as the tension finally popped. Danny’s movements started to falter as your clenched around him but he kept going fucking you through your orgasm all the way until you came down.

You pulled him into an open mouthed kiss, your mind filled with nothing but utter amazement and satisfaction.

Danny let your leg go and collapsed on top of you, catching his breath for a moment before pulling back up and slipping into the bathroom to clean up real quick. Once he was done he leaned in the doorway, and you smiled over at him as you laid there rubbing your hands up and down your torso because your body just felt so good right now.

“That was umm” he chuckled, trying to find what best to say.

“Amazing?” You tried to finish his sentence for him.

“Fucking amazing” he replied as he walked back over, retrieving his shorts and slipping them on before returning to your side.

He propped himself up with his head in his hand and his elbow on the pillow as he also started tracing his fingers up your navel and around the curve of your breasts. It was dark in the room so you didn’t feel too exposed, but you also felt good about him seeing you like this, laid here and absolutely wrecked by him.

“Danny, I don’t want you to go” you sighed, not wanting to ruin the moment but too anxious about having to say goodnight to him after being so close.

“I won’t, I’ll stay right here” he tried to assure you but you knew he couldn’t.

“I don’t want him to figure out by finding us like this”.

“I’ll leave before the sun comes up, don’t you worry” he rummaged around in the sheets and the blanket that had gotten kicked down to the end of the bed for your pieces of pajamas. He helped you redress before laying his arm out and pulling you into a side hug. “Just go to sleep now. We will take care of everything else tomorrow”.

You turned onto your side and tucked your arm up under your head, wrapping the other one around his chest and nuzzling your nose behind his ear. His hair was still pulled back into the braid from earlier, just a few stray strands that had come loose from the night's activities. It still smelled like the smoke from the fire, with a mixture of his shampoo lingering and a bit of sweat. You inhaled and closed your eyes, tomorrow would come sooner than you were prepared for, but for the rest of the night you were going to simply enjoy being in his embrace.

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@jessicafg03

[mkarchin713]

For me the worst parts were the bad aides. If you had a good aide in the classroom everything was fine but if you gave a bad aide everything can go to pot, Especially when they both treat you like a little kid who has to be corrected all the time and punish you for acting like your neurotypical peers.

I remember this one aide I had in high school, let’s call her Mrs. Q, who caused more meltdowns than she stopped, her actions even led me to my first ever detention.

I was in German class and we had ended the lesson a bit early so everyone was prepping for the bell. I turn around to grab my backpack and find some kid standing on it. I sternly tell him to get off my backpack, he does, end of problem, at least my problem with him anyway.

Next thing I know Mrs. Q is dragging me into the hallway and lecturing me about telling a kid to get off my backpack. She’s going in metaphorical circles about how I was rude and my behavior was, in her eyes, inappropriate.

Now I’m just standing there thinking that she’s nuts. I asked a kid, perhaps harshly, to get off my backpack, it wasn’t like I was throwing a tantrum or yelling at him. As far as I was concerned I did what any neurotypical teen would have done if they found someone standing on their stuff. Apparently acting like a neurotypical teenager when you have Autism was a bad thing in Mrs. Q’s eyes.

Now I’m getting frustrated with her nagging and just want this pointless conversation to end. Lo and behold the bell rings and I need to get to my next class. I turn to leave and she yells at me more. She is making a huge scene and all I want to do is get to the other end of the building so I won’t be late.

What I did next could be considered inappropriate but understandable.

I called her a bitch and walked away.

Now despite the fact that I had been taught since elementary school that if I was in this kind of situation with another student to walk away, I will admit that calling Mrs. Q a bitch (a descriptor her immediate supervisor and colleagues agreed was accurate) was wrong and I got my first detection for it.

Luckily this was the straw that broke the camels back and my mom got involved. This led to Mrs. Q to be forbidden from working with me ever again.

The special ed teacher realizes pretty quickly that the amount of meltdowns I would have a week dropped considerably without Mrs. Q breathing down my neck and over correcting me.

It’s been almost 15 years since this happened and it still affects me.

Mrs. Q often treated me like I was stupid and expected me to act a certain way. When I didn’t act the way she thought I should she would lecture me, even if I was simply acting like a normal kid. I was (for a lack of better words) on the “higher” end of the autism spectrum but she treated me like I was (for lack of a better term) on the “lower” end of the spectrum.

I tried so hard to mask during school and then I was told by someone who was supposed to be helping me that not only was my masking not good enough, but that by masking I was behaving badly. She basically wanted me to not be neurodivergent and at the same time not act like a neurotypical teenager either. I think what she wanted was me to be a passive figure who always did as they were told and never questioned anything (for a kid who literally had to write all their questions in a notebook and ask them after class, and was originally, and wrongly, diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder because I told the guy testing me he was wrong, this was an impossibility).

I hated being infantilized and, to my eternal regret, did everything I could to avoid being associated with kids on the (for lack of a better word) “lower” end of the spectrum. Looking back my behavior towards them was harsh and intolerant, I will not pretend it wasn’t, but I was so desperate to be treated like normal that I lashed out at those who would understand what I was going through.

Even now I still don’t tell everyone I’m autistic just to avoid being treated like Mrs. Q treated me. I will only tell people I feel comfortable with, usually after seeing that I am a smart and capable person, or if they are already part of the Special Ed and autism community.

“Autistic people need special accommodations” and “autistic people should not be infantilized and talked down to” are schools of though that can and should co-exist.

[lukaistypingprivately]

I need a place to let it out. Good thing he doesn't understand English.

Feels like I don't want to be with him any longer, he's a nice person. But we never should have started.

Back then, we were talking about my pass relationship, when he asked me if I'm willing to try to let go and try something new, I said yes. Somehow he misunderstood it into me say yes to be his girlfriend.

He was so excited, even it just by messages, I can feel it. For some stupid reason I didn't want to disappoint him so I just played along. But I have to admit, it really didn't feel right. I knew it and I let it happen. Giving someone false hope, lying about my own feelings.

I never had that kind of feel for him, the butterflys and everything I had felt for Max even till now, I didn't have it for him. But I needed someone, I was too heartbroken and desperate, all over the place. Max was never mine to have and my ex left me, and he was kind and patient. The little misunderstanding that I should have made it right long ago, had made him a life line instead of a lover.

But I'm selfish.

Seeing him so happy of taking care of me, always loving and caring. That was all I ever wanted. All these years being neglected and abandoned by my family, always the unwanted one that never gets picked. It was the first time someone actually wants me just because of who I am. How can I resisit it? To beloved and cherish, I just can't risk loosing it.

So I tried. Fake it till you make it.

Yet it was easier said than done. Every time he looks me in the eye and say I love you. I feel guilty, and it grows by every time.

To me, love is heavy, it is not something I can easily give it out. I might like him, or love him as family, but love him as a partner? Romantically? I just feel like selling out my soul bit by bit every time I lie in his face.

I'm so exhausted.

I thought I can do it without a flinch.

Yet now, whenever we had a disagreement, or something he does or won't do, doesn't fit my expectation, I blame him. There is always going to have a sound whispering to me, saying "I told you that was a bad idea, you shouldn't settle with someone you never wanted, see what happened!"

And I hate myself for it, for I know this is totally unfair to him. What I used to whine about, that life is so unfair, why no one loves me and keeps taking advantage from me and takes me for granted, I'm doing it all to him, just the same.

I hate myself more by everyday, and I don't have the courage to let him go. I have this selfish thought, what if I don't find someone just as loving and care as he is? What if I need couldn't find anyone at all?

It was to a point I'm starting to think, maybe don't do it for love, do it for my own future? The reality is, my career isn't very promising, and the living cost is sky-high. I'd never be able to live on my own with dignity. So I tell myself, it's okay, with him, I can at least feel less insecure.

However lately, it seemed like he didn't have any life planning, and is not planning to have any planning! I tried multiple times talking to him, see if we can work this out. But it seems there's no use. He's satisfied, because he had no burden on housing or working, unlike me which had both. It just drove my insecurity to a point I can't think straight, so I've been avoiding him for weeks.

If I don't love him that much, if he can't take care of me and make me feel safe, why still together? Is it worth it? Stay just to feel being loved like teenagers but not the mature security and promises?

I'm almost 30 and it's driving me mad