#but i think ive always been a great photographer

[skyeateyourdonuts]

hmmmmmm

how do i discreetly ask some friends to help me do an art thing and show them the refs without it being weird

[tevaselmundogiraalreves]

BUDDIE FIC RECS PART 2

Okay heres more fics cause ive been reading so so much lately, i cannot and will not be stopped. Heres the first list. I will most prob keep on making lists cause i honestly cannot stop reading. Once again, in no particular order:

Songbird by @colonoscopys - Goes first cause i just finished reading this one. FREAK EDDIE IS MY PASION. I said it already but at one point eddie eats bucks hair. Its awesome! FreakxFreak DumbxDumb

a bleeding sun on a silver screen by @hoediaz EVERYONE ALREADY READ THIS ONE RIGHT? IF NOT WTF ARE YOU EVEN DOING GO! ACTORS AU YOU WILL NE FAMOUS FOREVER.

chess inside my chest by @buick118 - HELLOOOO THIS ONE FIXED SOMETHING INSIDE MY CHEST "heart clipped in the backseat with his headphones already secured over his ears." I NEED AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS WRITING ❤️‍🩹

Two, Three Times in a Row by leslie_knope i honestly have no words for how much i love this fic, i reread it all the time, like ive reread it so much its embarrasing. Some of the best smut ive read.

wanna do a bad thing twice by @coldbam BUCK IS SUCH A FREAK GOD HE IS SUCH A FREAK

(You know what actually there are 2 more fics were buck is the freakiest hes ever been so ill put them right below ⬇️)

slow motion, double vision in rose blush by @saryasy Eddie Diaz. His friend. His Eddie. Has kissed a man. Which is strange because Buck is sure as hell he'd remember kissing Eddie.

Me at Buck: FREAAAAAAAAK

Also special mention to that flashback WOW!

i can tell just what you want (you don't want to be alone) by @tallsinspace Buck loses it every single time this is so awesome, it was so FUN reading INFIDELEDDIE this hiatus 🫶🏽

songs and poems and promises by @lesbianrobin buck summer of disatisfaction turns around thanks to eddie god they are so in love! Also special mention to chim well and maddie lets fucking goooooo

we keep this love in a photograph by @burnthatbridge its just so so freaking beautiful. Buck chooses eddies pics for his dating app after he comes out...

the tortured poets department by @colonoscopys once again the kind of fic that you wanna reread again and again.

"The first time Buck touched him, Eddie blew an ambulance up."

still sitting in a corner i haunt by @cal-daisies-and-briars i just love this one so much, should reread it, trust me its worth it.

we're not in love (but the sex is good) by elless. Idk i loved this one. Buddie are not even friends they just want the benefits as soon as they meet. The transition from that to them actually getting to know each other so naturally and start caring about each other is so beautiful.

in the passenger seat by @livingincolorsagain Evan Buckley was put on God’s green earth to drive Eddie Diaz around.

Just BEAUTIFUL.

tying you to me by @hoediaz ONCE AGAIN PERFECT TYPE OF WRITING. Buddie meet each other after 5x11. SO ORIGINAL GOD.

the soft animal of your body by @hattalove . This is a coda to another fic but can be read on its own. Just beautiful beautiful love making. I think i commented that i felt like they were making love with the words they were saying to each other just sitting on the kitchen table talking.

we could follow the sparks, i’ll drive by @markofalover bucks kink should be people calling him mr. diaz and thinking hes eddies husband.

Wait for me there by @kitkatpancakestack Childhood friends reunite after 8 years. I just really really loved this one. Those flashbacks to the past are so beautiful.

wanna be your endgame by literalmetaphor gotta be honest dont see this happening in canon at all cause the second eddie confesses buck would go down on his knees lets be honest. BUT this was so great! I loved it.

Pivot Tables by rainbowninja167 Does it show that i love reading buddie being so freaky and so kinky. Ill just say this: educational sex. Buck brings on the clipboard. Obsessed with this one.

I Broke What You Gave Me, But You Kept Giving More by rcdwings. memory loss buck cant remember his husband. Listen im not always a fun of memory loss fics but i loved this one i loved the twist.

there's a word for it, I'm sure by @ithilien-writes i have to reread this one asap cause i loved it so so much they are just so in love with each other but cant admit it so they just start having sex about it. And god they love esch other.

i could give you fifty reasons by @marviless buck FLIRTS with eddie cause he just want ti help. God this one was so much fun. I remember laughing out loud. I gotta reread.

beating the horse by @doitbuckley Eddie is moving to Texas. Buck finally figures out what he wants. Perfect read to the end of 8a.

In the Back Seat, Windows Up by @semperama SEX IN THE BACKSIT OF THE TRUCK LETSFUCKINGGOOOOOO

Play Me For Keeps by @semperama this one made me feel so MANY things in less than 1k words I WAS WONDERSTRUCK HONESTLY SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR

would you lie with me and just forget the world by @colonoscopys reread this one recently GODDDDD if you havent just go read it right now!!! Childhood friends to lovers for the win always.

your beauty (not just a mask) by @aashiqeddiediaz these next two fics GOD well i have a thing for mirrors and sex in front of mirrors apparently so... this i top tier for me. This one is the shorter one in front of the bathroom mirror 100/10 no notes.

my mirror (staring back at me) by @aashiqeddiediaz this one is longer. Mirror in the bedroom......... Eddie notices bucks insecurities and well he does smth about it ❤️‍🔥 such a fave of mine. It has everything!!!

Dreaming of a White Christmas by rosebuddiekin . Oh boy!!!... just gonna leave the blurb here cause no words could ever be enough: "Buck accepts a challenge to be edged in his and Eddie's own version of the 12 Days of Christmas and loses his mind a little more with each one." (Btw if someone knows the author please lmk. They put a link to their tumblr on ao3 but it doesnt work for me.)

[kingsmoot]

agot; chapter xxvi, jon iv

1. i never noticed that sam has pale eyes!! tbh i've always pictured him with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes.

2. i think it's very sweet that pyp, who lives in westeros, can tell where someone is from based on their accent, while we, who do not live in westeros and cannot ever visit, have to rely on characters' hair and eye color or else the color of their clothes/whether they wear a house sigil.

a few posts of mine defending the hair/eye color theme for great houses as excellent fantasy worldbuilding were making the rounds last year and i just always think it's such a neat and effective shorthand both in-world and at an audience level. it's very sci-fi as well in a way i find charming and familiar.

it's neat to me too how grrm establishes in agot how everyone in westeros (which is a world without photographs or videos and in which travel is arduous and slow, and we don't really hear much about paintings being done of any great lords? it's mostly oral tradition (the songs) or just word of mouth from people who have actually seen someone irl) is able to tell one another apart

compare pyp listening to sam's accent above to sansa naming the knights come to visit cersei in her wheelhouse

agot, chapter xv, sansa i

sansa, a little girl who is being trained to be a proper lady of a great house, has never traveled outside of the north, and wouldn't know what regional accents outside of her own kingdom sound like. i'm not even certain sansa would be all that familiar with various northern accents, since i don't assume she is well traveled outside of winterfell, and i doubt she would have had much face time with her father's bannermen (that would have been reserved for robb)

but she knows her courtesies, which include a working knowledge of recent history as well as great houses' sigils, colors, and living members

it's NEAT!!!!

[tonysbed]

Secrets I keep | Part 4

Max Fewtrell x Norris!reader

Lando norris x sister!reader

Summary: You and max have been dancing around your feelings for years but jealousy gets the best of us all..

not proofread

series masterlist | previous | next

-

yn

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, oscarpiastri and 726.639 others

yn this title fight is finally over and I can sleep in peace 😔☝️ Your time will come Lando. Let’s not forget the WCC 👀 Congrats on your 4th title, maxine 😙💙

*tagged landonorris / oscarpiastri/ maxverstappen1*

maxverstappen1 thanks 💙😒

landonorris 🧡🧡

oscarpiastri 👏👏

user our fav duo is backkkkk

user lando seems so much happier 😭

user max is goneeeee

user partying w max verstappen is the life goal

user “maxine” I’m crying😭😭

user why is she calling him that?

user she’s been doing that since they’re little

-

mclaren

liked by landonorris, yn, maxfewtrell and 926.649 others

mclaren swipe till the end for this gp‘s photographer and admin reveal 🫣 #qatargp

yn I think admin did a great job 🤭

user petition to hire yn fulltime

user yesss

user imagine her and lando . PURE CHAOS

landonorris got all my good angles 🫡

maxfewtrell let’s bring it all next weekend 👏

user omgggg they can be wcc’s AHHH

user this better be good omg

user the abu dhabi gp is gonna take YEARS off my life

-

yn

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, oscarpiastri and 926.539 others

yn yes, max and I kept the peace ONLY for the weekend for Lando’s sake. No, you definitely didn’t see me cry on live television, you’re hallucinating. BUT THEY DID IT IM SO PROUD OF YOUUUUU 🧡🧡

*tagged landonorris / oscarpiastri/ maxfewtrell*

user omg she didn’t kill max 🫣

landonorris we did itttt 🧡

yn so proud of you 🥹

oscarpiastri 🧡🏆

yn 🧡🧡

danielriccardo Good job guys 🥳

user oh she is ignoring daniel’s comment👀👀

user you guys always need to start drama

user jeez

-

maxfewtrell added to their story

caption : can you tell that they’re siblings? both knocked out the moment we were in the car 😂

yn asshole, but I look cute. Thanks

insult and compliment in six words

yn how is that a compliment for you? your photography skills have nothing to do w me being gorgeous

you’re as annoying as lando

yn ive been told 😙

landonorris dickhead

you really are siblings. First her now you

lando you deserve her insults for this.

-

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell, yn, mclaren and 1m others

landonorris dubai w my fav annoying ppl

*tagged yn/ maxfewtrell / keeganpalmer *

yn who’s that good looking person in slide 3 😍😍

user they’re all on winter break together Ahhhh

user yn and max crumbs

user yeah but they aren’t on a picture together 😔

user 😔😔

maxfewtrell 🤍

keeganpalmer best time 👏

user daniel is awfully quiet

user what is daniel supposed to say to this??

user idk, at least like it

-

“You know, it’s really nice like this” Lando says, looking at you and then Max “Like what?” Max asked, tilting his head at the brit “No fighting between you two. I love that” You roll your eyes and continue scrolling on your phone.

Keegan chuckled “Don’t jinx it mate. They’ll be going at each others throat in the next few minutes” You ignore their conversation but feel max’s eyes land on your for a moment before his attention is back on Lando.

“There’s no reason for it right now, is there?” He said annoyed. His attention now on his phone “She’s over there, i’m over here. No need for anything”

“Yeah, until he decides he’s gonna be an asshole again” You say casually “Me? You’re the one with the shady comments” You look up at him “Oh really? I just go on about my day until you decide it’s time to ruin it”

Lando sinks in his seat, hands covering his face “I should’ve kept my mouth shut” Keegan laughs “Yeah, told you so”

���Just shut up, Fewtrell.” “Why don’t you shut up?” You roll your eyes “You’re the one who started this, so keep your mouth shut” You glare at him and before you can say something Lando stands up.

“Enough, please. We’re on vacation. Let’s go eat, i’m sure everyone is hungry” You hum and Max mumbles something incoherent under his breath. You side eye him but he gets pulled away by keegan.

You sit next to Lando and start a conversation about the next f1 season with him.

Max eyes you from time to time, making you shift in your seat. That man was getting on your nerves. But before you could think more about Max, your phone lit up.

Lando looks at you “Who’s it?” “Daniel” He hums “Lando.” You say sharply “I didn’t say anything.” He holds up his hands in surrender “You didn’t need to for me to know what you’re thinking.” He rolls his eyes “He’s been texting you quite often lately”

“And I keep him short. Relax” He nods and brings his attention to his food. You look up and see max looking at you. You raise an eyebrow at him, which he returns before he starts to eat.

-

“Alright, Good night” Lando says, giving you a quick peck on your forehead “Good night. See ya tomorrow” He waves a little and goes to his room. Keegan and Max wave at Lando before retreating to their own rooms. Max looks at you shortly before stepping into his room and closing his door.

You lay on your bed and watch some tv. You hear some footsteps in the hallway but don’t think anything of it.

A few hours later and you were still wide awake. Maybe you did have to much energy left? Melatonin? No definitely not taking that after the last couple times ended in nightmares.

You flip off the covers, put on some shoes and head for the door. You knew the hotel had a roof terrace that was open 24/7. You waited until the elevator opened on the top floor, which you exited.

A few steps onto the terrace. A light breeze was noticeable at this time. You headed for a few sunbeds when you noticed you weren’t alone. You squint before your eyes widened. Your sudden stop, and the noise of your shoes made the person turn around.

“Norris” “Fewtrell”

-

Ohhh meeting on the rooftop?? 😯 Crazy isn’t it? hehehe

I don’t do taglists

[television-overload]

fate is the handspike

(an X-Files ficlet)

[Read on AO3]

Summary:

Starting on February 23, 1964, Teena Mulder begins to worry about her young son. At first, she thinks maybe he's wishing for a little sister, a wish that will be granted very soon. But he insists the little girl he talks to is called Dana, and she's too little to play, but she likes when he reads his books to her.

(fic below the cut)

i.

At first, Teena thinks it's cute.

"She's just a baby, mommy, she can't play yet," he'd say.

"Oh, is that right?" she'd reply, indulging him in his childish fantasies. Perhaps this was his way of asking for a sister. The other moms in the neighborhood often urged her to give Fox a sibling, citing a child's need for company and social engagement, but Fox had always seemed so happy to play alone. She's not on the best of terms with her husband at the moment, either, which complicates things.

But then there's times when she sees Fox on the floor, legs splayed out before him as he recites his favorite picture books to his imaginary friend, and she wonders if she ought to be worried. Just a little.

Dr. Seuss, Curious George, Clifford the Big Red Dog... The boy has a photographic memory. Though he's too young to properly read, he has a grasp on the basic plots and recounts them in great detail, turning the pages as he goes.

"This one is called 'Where the Wild Things Are,' Dana," he says, because his friend's name—he insists—is Dana. He turns the book in his hand and shows the colorful illustration on the cover to a patch of carpet on the living room floor. "Don't worry, it's not scary," he assures her. Her. It. Whatever it is he's spent his days talking to since late February.

When he tells the story, he uses his own name, instead of 'Max.' That's how she'd always read it to him, and that's the only way he knows.

"And Fox told the monsters to be still!" he narrates with enthusiasm. "He used a magic trick and looked right in their BIG yellow eyes, and they were all scared. They said Fox is the most wild thing of all, and they made him king!"

ii.

There was one night when she'd woken to find Fox standing in the corner of his room, speaking softly to the wall.

"Shh, it's okay, Dana," he soothed in his little voice. "Here, I'll sing you a song. Twinkle twinkle little star...."

She never tells Bill what she's seen. He's always too busy to notice himself. But others know.

"He's quite an imaginative young fellow," Spender notes, taking a draw from his cigarette as Fox rolls around in the grass outside the house in Quonochontaug. Since "Dana" learned to crawl, he's been even more preoccupied than usual. He shows her all his toys, tells her the names of all his action figures. He announces to his mother one day that he's going to teach Dana how to walk. That she can only stand on her own for a little bit right now, but she doesn't cry anymore when she falls down.

Bill, if he ever catches wind of this, must think he's talking about one of the other kids from Teena's ladies' group. But there's no "Dana" in this neighborhood. Not on the Vineyard, either. She's checked.

iii.

The day she finds out she's pregnant, a part of her wonders. Though her knowledge of her husband's work is small, she knows enough to gather that things she might have thought impossible, could in fact be possible. Perhaps her son had been having visions of his baby sister, long before she was even conceived. Maybe it had simply been a sign that he would one day be a big brother. Soon.

She'd long since dispelled thoughts of ghosts and hauntings and exorcisms.

He tells Dana all about the baby in mommy's tummy. He giggles and makes silly faces, pausing in between sentences, which she gathers must mean his friend has developed the ability to speak.

"Mommy, she said my name! That's right! Fox! Fox!"

iv.

When Samantha is born, "Dana" seems to disappear overnight. This, at least, supports her theory that he had simply been preparing himself for a new sibling, and after a few years, she's completely dismissed the issue. Fox shows no other signs of strange or unusual behavior. He is nothing but a doting big brother, who occasionally gets annoyed by his freckle-faced kid sister, as any brother is wont to do. He reads to her, plays games with her, watches the television with her. They're two peas in a pod, and not once does the name "Dana" escape his lips. She is all but forgotten.

Until he's twelve years old. Samantha is gone, and Teena lacks the patience to deal with his questioning.

"Mom? Does the name 'Dana' mean anything to you?" he asks.

"What? Of course not, Fox, why would you ask such a thing?"

He looks down at his feet, shoulders slumping. "No reason. Forget I asked."

v.

When Fox lays awake at night, the bedroom next to his now dull and empty, he thinks he can hear a voice. It isn't Samantha's—though he'd thought so at first.

"By heaven, man," she reads, "we are turned round and round in this world, like yonder windlass, and Fate is the handspike. And all the time, lo! that smiling sky, and this unsounded sea!"

What does this girl know about fate? What does she know of this upside-down world?

"Read the next chapter, Dana!" he hears another girl's voice speak. The words are faint—muffled—like he's underwater. But her voice is clear.

He falls asleep, like most nights, listening to the tales of Ahab and Starbuck, and a great white whale.

-.-.-

Tag List ♡: @today-in-fic @agent-troi @baronessblixen @captainsolocide @cutemothman @deathsbestgirl @edierone @enigmaticxbee @figureofdismay @frogsmulder @hippocampouts @invidiosa @numinousmysteries @randomfoggytiger @skelavender @teenie-xf @thursdayinspace

[seospicybin]

ON TOUR.

PART III: UNPLUGGED.

Hyunjin x reader x Felix. (s,f,a)

Chapters: I. SOUNDCHECK / II. OPENING ACT. / IV. HIDDEN TRACK.

Synopsis: Your best friend, Felix, is in a rock band and he takes you to join him on tour as the band’s photographer. On the road, you learn how to deal with his bandmate, Hyunjin, who’s not very welcoming of you. (14,6k words)

Author's note: It's getting warm y'all. I hope you're ready for get spicy :)

Click here for ON TOUR playlist.

It's no surprise that you'll take it the wrong way.

He was mad not because you accidentally unplugged his guitar but because of how reckless you were. Something way worse could have happened if he wasn't there to catch you, you could have hit your head or got electrocuted.

But of course, he shouldn't worry about you when Felix will always be there to comfort you.

Is it what made him mad? Truthfully, he has no idea but this gnawing feeling is becoming visceral. It's taking over him.

So when he knows you're hiding from him, he has to know why? What is it about you that always drives him mad?

"Why do you hate me so much?" You ask while he's still searching for the answer himself in your eyes.

"Tell me why? Because I don't get it. Why did I do to you that makes you hate me so much?"

You don't know. You're just as clueless as he is.

"I'm drunk, you see? You can tell me anything and that's okay, I won't remember it when I wake up in the morning."

But he needs to know one thing, one thing that he's been dreaming of day and night.

"Go ahead! Tell me! Promise I'd forget all about it tomorrow."

He needs to know now, so he does.

Hyunjin kisses you with a curious mind and an open heart, he lets a part of him pours into you hoping that you'll finally be able to tell the truth.

He holds you close and tenderly, kisses you hungrily because that's what he's been craving whenever those lips curve into a smile. And oh... you taste sweeter than he imagined and addictive and intoxicating, it's heavenly.

He splayed his hand on the beautiful arch of your back and pulls you close, not wanting any space separating his body from yours.

The moan you let slip out of your mouth, you have no idea what it does to him, how that makes the blood rushes down south.

If he's mad, it's because he couldn't kiss you all day and night. But he believes you would take it the wrong way too.

He's worried for you, he cares about you, he thinks about you, he does all that and you still think he hates you. It's only right that he's mad because you think that's what he has for you: hate.

He's also mad because he wants you but you're a friend of a friend.

Hyunjin learned his lesson the hard way and that wakes him up from his daze of being sucked into the whirlpools in your eyes.

He pulls away from the kiss, from the daze, from how your eyes plead for one more kiss. Looking back at those eyes makes him want to tell you everything but there's a good chance that you'd only misunderstand him again.

"Now, try to forget that!" He says right to your face despite knowing it'll be hard for him to do the same thing, not when the taste of your lips only reminds him the reason why he did what he did: he wishes you were a stranger.

-

It's not a great morning.

You've been drinking water non-stop to help with the hangover but you can't shake it off yet. It's a good thing that the agency chartered a private plane instead of putting them on commercial flights. You lowly groan as you climb the steps to get into the plane and see that you're the first to get there. You take the farthest seat, all the way back to avoid everyone but ultimately, him, Hyunjin.

A few minutes later, you hear their arrival and you quickly pull the hoodie over your head to hide your face even though it's pointless to do so.

As they're about to take a seat, Vin takes a stand in the front and tells everyone to pay attention to him as he's about to make an announcement.

Of course it's not just an announcement, he's going to scold everyone for going out without his permission.

"Whose idea was it?"

You wince because the idea originated from how they felt bad for you which makes it, technically, your idea. It's hard to admit that you're wrong but you slowly raise your hand to...

"It was me!" Han calmly says.

Everyone stays silent for a moment but Felix raises his hand and says, "But all of us agreed to go," he adds.

That is partly true. Han didn't ask for anyone's approval but yes, everyone just went along with him. Problem aside, it surprised you how Felix lied and it sounded natural, maybe he did change but you didn't know which part of him stays the same.

Vin continues to scold everyone with something along the lines of 'reckless behavior', and 'an important part of your career'. Knowing that those are not aimed toward you and with the hangover weighing your head and the lack of sleep, you start disassociating...

As your mind drifts, it takes you to last night when Hyunjin kissed you against the wall.

"Ugh!" You groan unintentionally loud that everyone is looking at you.

"You have something to say?" Vin asks.

You scratch the back of your head in confusion while trying to think of an answer, "I'm very sorry," you tell him, putting on a sad face as best as you could. Good thing that the hangover supported the look.

After hours of flight, you have to take an hour-long of car ride since the festival is taking place on farmland in the countryside.

It's summer but it's drizzling when you arrived at the hotel or more like a bed and breakfast than a hotel and for the first time, you finally get your own room.

You throw yourself onto the bed and sigh in delight as your head touches the pillow. Man... this is heaven!

The knocking on the door disturbs the peaceful moment. For a second, you feel like pretending not to hear that so whoever is behind that door can leave you alone.

"Are you inside?"

At the sound of his voice, you rush to get up the bed and open the door.

"Yes?" Your vision is a bit blurry from getting up too fast but you see Vin standing there looking serious as usual.

"Follow me, we have a meeting!" He orders, already turning to leave.

He's always like that, making orders without telling you the details. You have zero ideas what the meeting will be about, for all you know, it could be about something else. Imagine how sad it would be if you bring your stuff only for him to tell you that you got fired.

From the doorway of your room, you nervously ask him, "Should I bring my laptop or—"

Vin is about to take the stairs to the second floor when you asked, he looks down at you and says, "Of course!"

The answer is still vague but you quickly grab your laptop and phone, heading upstairs to the small living room where Vin has set his laptop for a Zoom meeting.

It seems that it's not going to be a great day as well, you're not getting fired. At least, not today.

-

Ssick will be headlining the second day of the festival which is tomorrow night.

Hyunjin is getting ready for the band rehearsal and heads downstairs, stopping for a second to see the door of your room closed shut.

Felix and Lou are already downstairs, having coffee in the kitchen even though they have twenty minutes or so before they have to go to a studio nearby.

"Coffee?" Lou offers.

"Sure," Hyunjin answers because when it comes to caffeine, it will never be enough for him.

He pulls a chair next to Felix and sits on it, "Where's Han?"

"He's working on a track, he'll be down in a few minutes," Lou replies as he carefully brings a cup of coffee for Hyunjin.

Felix and Hyunjin exchange a glance, knowing that a few minutes for Han takes more than that.

As if Han heard their thoughts, he lands on the base of the stairs a few minutes later as promised. He got greeted by Hyunjin and Felix's shocked expressions.

"I thought we have band rehearsal in five?" He comes to the dining table and grabs a biscuit Felix is eating.

"I'll get the car," Lou says, getting out of the house to get the car ready.

Lou pulls the car close to the front of the house and Hyunjin gets in after Felix and Han, looking back for a while waiting for someone else to come out.

Felix gets ahead of Hyunjin, asking Lou about you and Vin not coming.

Lou starts driving while talking, "They're in a meeting. Vin said he will catch up soon."

Hyunjin shouldn't be this disappointed to not be able to see you but Gosh, he can't hide it, he wishes to see you.

When he gets back from rehearsal, he walks past your room and he knows you're in there, somehow he can't bring himself to knock on your door.

At the end of the day, his wish stays a wish.

‐

Vin is right.

After finishing the meeting, you had a quick dinner with Vin in the kitchen with the food sent by the kind owner of the bed & breakfast.

He must have felt bad for making you work right after hours long of flight without stopping that he made you go to bed early so you'll be prepared for the job.

11 hours of sleep is really what you needed that you woke up feeling refreshed and ready for today. You'll not be taking just any photos, a magazine wants to do a special coverage for Ssick and they'll be using your photographs.

Since no one has woken up yet, you take a quick stroll around the small village, and apparently, the other performers also staying in the nearest inn or hotel.

"Morning!" A guy greets you as he joins you on your stroll, dressed in a windbreaker with a hoodie pulled over his head.

It feels awkward to interact with other people, guess you've been cooped up in the tour bus too long.

"Morning!" You greet back, slipping your hands inside your coat as you walk through the cold, misty morning.

"You're not from here are you?"

You shake your head, "No."

"You must be with someone?" He asks while matching his pace with you.

"Not really," you answer and you're aware that sounds so vague, "I'm with a band."

He lowly exclaims, "I'm with a band too," he says.

Grabbing his hoodie from being blown by the wind, he turns his head at you and asks, "What band?"

"Ssick," you answer.

"I'm their photographer," you add before he gets the wrong idea, thinking that you're a groupie or something.

"Cool!" He coyly comments.

Through the fog, you can see the bed and breakfast you're staying in with the garden lamp blinking low.

"I'm here," you tell the stranger.

You've just realized you didn't ask for his name when you tell him that but it's too late to ask now that you're leaving.

He glances at you and smiles, "Okay, see you then!"

"See you!" You say back even though you're not sure you'd see him again.

Vin is having a coffee in the kitchen, he doesn't bother to take a seat as his fingers are furiously typing his phone screen.

"Morning!" You greet him.

He doesn't look up but greets back, "How was your sleep?"

"So tight," you reply, taking a mug from the cabinet to pour yourself a cup of coffee.

"Why are you guys talking about being 'so tight' in the morning?" Lou asks from the stairs with his half-shut eyes.

You and Vin burst into laughs, he finally takes a seat at the dining table. Lou also plops onto the empty seat next to him. Breakfast is quiet and it's all thanks to the owner who cooked it deliciously.

"I'll be leaving in fifteen minutes and you," he points at Lou, "take the kids in the afternoon."

You lean against the kitchen counter and think of going with Vin instead of Lou, you don't want to stay still here when you have a lot of things to prepare.

"Can I go with you instead?" You ask Vin.

"Sure," he shortly replies.

In the 10 minutes he gave you, you pack everything you need into a backpack and do not forget your rain boots just in case it will rain as the weather app on your phone predicted.

It only takes ten minutes of car ride to get there, Vin hands you a pass at the entrance. You didn't know that it's a lot pleasant going with Vin, he's so well known that everyone doesn't ask for his ID and greets him warmly.

He takes you to a trailer which will be the band's green room, they even set a little yard outside the trailer with lounge chairs and a parasol.

"You might need this," he gives you a map of the festival with the setlist of performers on the back.

"The festival is so big so don't wander too far," he warns you.

Vin steps out of the trailer as his phone constantly beeping with notifications.

You follow him out of the door, "are you going?"

"Well... yeah," he answers like it isn't obvious enough, "I have to take care of a few things."

You didn't know why you ask him that when that's what he's been doing, going around and taking care of things. You feel stupid for thinking that he came here early just to laze around.

"You can come with me if you want," he offers.

"Can I?" You must have looked like a puppy when you asked him.

He shrugs and walks to the yard, "I can introduce you to some friends," he says.

They're not just some friends.

Vin takes you around the festival grounds, meeting some officials and going around the tents and trailers of the other performers of the festival.

He knows a lot of people, famous or not, but important nonetheless. You even took a few snaps of it because when else you'll get another chance like this?

Vin is again right about the festival being incredibly big, you wouldn't know your way around if you weren't with him. The festival starts at noon with the festival ground gradually crowded with people.

"Want to check a stage?" Vin asks after successfully snatching two burritos for lunch from a band's waiting room.

"Absolutely!" you excitedly answer.

The security lets Vin in without question, they don't even bat an eyelash at yours since you're coming with him.

It's fascinating to know the inside scoop of his job and get to know him more in the process. The Vin that you know is a little uptight and always serious but from the way you've seen how people greeted him warmly, he's so much more than his job.

Hours passed by because of how far it gets from one place to the other, Vin gets you to visit another stage as a band he knows about to play.

"I was once their manager," Vin whispers at you as he gets to the back of the stage with you following him closely from behind.

The band is warming up when Vin makes an appearance and they're delighted to see him, exchanging hugs and jokes, making you feel left out for a bit until someone recognizes you.

"I know you," he says.

You recognize him as the guy who took a stroll with you this morning, he looks unrecognizable without his raincoat and the mist.

Vin turns around to introduce you, "she's working for the band and..." He then introduces him to you, "This is Jeongin!"

You take a step forward to shake hands with him and he smiles at you so warmly that dimples appeared on his cheeks.

"Would love to talk more but we have to get on the stage," he says.

"Oh sure, please don't make them wait," you almost wince at how stupid you sounded as if they would delay their performance just to talk to you.

You and Vin watching their performance together from the side of the stage. On their second song, Vin excuses himself because the band has arrived from the text message he got from Lou.

"You can stay," he tells you.

"But—"

"It's okay, you can stay," he assures you.

You nod because it's useless to answer him against the loud music playing.

"Have fun!" He adds with a squeeze on your shoulder.

As you turn to watch the band again, you see Jeongin looking at you.

-

Hyunjin sees the camera bag but not the owner.

He can't get any hints about your whereabouts either as Lou is going out of the trailer as soon as he received a message from Vin.

"Vin will be here so please, don't set anything on fire!" Lou warns them.

When he thought Han only left for the bathroom, he went with Lou to God knows where. It shouldn't upset him but everyone is leaving without telling him, only Felix is staying in the trailer with him.

He senses Hyunjin is getting antsy from the way his knee is bouncing despite he is slouching on the sofa.

"They're at the D stage," Felix informs as he got a reply from Lou telling him where they are.

"Do you want to go?"

Hyunjin tries to act nonchalant about it but can't wait to get out of there as well, "yeah, okay," he coyly says.

He can only hope that the beanie he's wearing is enough to hide his red hair, he kind of regrets it now for dying it with such bright color.

It's easy to tell that a few people recognize him, not when Felix is also with him and making it easier for them to know for certain that it's them.

Luckily, most of them decided to leave them be. Felix calls Lou once again to know their exact location while Hyunjin is craning his neck looking for them around the stage.

The second Hyunjin spots Lou's bleached buzzed hair, he points at the pit after the barricade and shouts, "There they are!" 

He lets Felix takes the lead, running to where Han and Lou are watching a band's performance. Hyunjin swallows air because he knows you're also there.

Instead of you, he finds someone else. It's too late to avoid her as she looks his way.

"Hyunjin?" She calls.

Felix also heard her calling for Hyunjin, he turns to Hyunjin and asks, "Who is she?"

It's someone he wishes not to see.

-

Ssick's stage starts at 9.

Vin insists that everyone must gather at the trailer at 8.15 at the latest and you're 5 minutes late. Running from the gate to the trailer after getting lost in the mud and walking in it isn't easy either.

You can feel beads of sweat on your back but keep running to the trailer, the golf car that you assume will be used to take the band there is parked outside the trailer.

"I'm sorry, I'm late!" You blurt out the moment you get into the trailer.

You're so ready to get scolded but the only person you found inside is Vin, a hand on his waist and the other is pressing his phone close to his ear.

"I told you to take them here by 8," he nags into the phone.

It's safe to assume that it's Lou or any of the band members, whoever that is, hope they're doing okay. You silently take your camera bag from the countertop and sling the strap around your shoulder.

"You," Vin points at you.

"Yes?" You shortly reply with horror in your eyes.

"You can go first," he says.

You stifle a nod and go outside, it's not the time to ask for details so you get on the golf car per his instruction, no questions asked.

Thanking the driver before they head back to pick up the band, you prepare your camera as the staff still working on setting the stage despite the crowd filling the ground.

You take a peek from the side of the stage and instantly get goosebumps, there are so many people, all the way to the back, as far as your eyes can see.

They're so big, so popular, it's a time like this that you feel grateful for your job.

The stage itself is so big that you get tired from taking a walk around the front, you take a few pictures of the crowd behind the barricade and ones with interesting banners or costumes.

A few minutes before the stage starts, rain is pouring and you quickly go to the back of the stage to grab two disposable raincoats, one you wrapped around your camera and you put the other one on you.

Tonight will be one for history. Not trying to pressure yourself, but the pictures you're taking today will be published in a magazine.

The band takes the stage at 9.10 due to the weather check but fortunately, the rain turns into light showers, therefore they're allowed to perform.

Despite the weather and the ground turning into a pit of mud and puddles, the crowd becomes alive once they opened the stage with two songs non-stop until they get to their introduction.

"Hello, we're Ssick!" Han speaks into the mic.

He wipes the sweat on his forehead and brushes the hair curtained his face to the back, "Thank you for choosing to have fun with us in the rain!"

The crowd cheers, ignoring their heads and clothes that are sopping wet from the rain and you can feel their enthusiasm, how they're having fun without care.

You can stay down the pit long because Felix's solo is coming up soon, dragging your feet in the mud. You climb to the stage fast.

Unlike the last time, you coordinated it well with Lou. He'll guide you from behind as you take their pictures on the stage. Lou grabs a fistful of the back of your t-shirt while muttering cautions, "Be careful with the cables!"

You listen to him with your hand rapidly taking pictures from different angles. Your heart is pounding as the music roaring loud that there's no time to get personal when it comes to capturing Hyunjin in pictures, turning everyone's heads to see his nimble fingers on the guitar.

That feels like a second when you spent four minutes on the stage. Lou pulls you back to the side of the stage and you only realized then that a few people are watching the show from here.

Just like you predicted, it's one of the most memorable of all the stages they've done. They're so reluctant to get off the stage even though the night is late and from dark shadows hanging in the sky, it seems likely that the rain will pour again.

The band is celebrating their successful night headlining festival inside the big tent right behind the stage, so many people coming, famous and important.

You see the girl you saw earlier, she is one that you recognized watched the band from the side of the stage.

As you threw the disposable raincoats into the bin, Lou comes to you with a bottle of water.

"Thank you," you mutter, taking it from him and not wasting another second to gulp it.

He hands you a towel next, using it to dry your hair and neck, brushing your damp hair from the mix of sweat and rainwater with your finger to put them into place after.

"So many people," you mutter under your breath.

Lou shrugs as he takes a sip of his beer, "well, they're famous," he simply says.

You steal a sip of his beer and gasp, "Can't relate to that."

From across the tent, you see the girl making her way to Hyunjin and starts talking to him. You don't want to know but you know you can't rest well without knowing who she is.

"Who is she?" You ask without looking at their direction as they're engaged in a conversation.

You take a bottle of beer from the cooler and uncap it, even though you're not a fan, today is an exception.

"You know that Hyunjin was in a band before Ssick, right?"

You nod and take a sip of the finely chilled beer.

"Rumor has it that he decided to quit the band because he and the vocalist fought over a girl," Lou explains with a subtle sly smile.

You scoff in disbelief, "Let me guess... she is the girl?"

Lou repeatedly nods, slyly smiling even when he's sipping his beer.

"So it's not the finale yet?" You playfully ask.

"Kind of," he replies.

So Hyunjin is hung up on a girl or is it the other way around? You don't want to know. You're already having a hard time doing what he asked you to do and that is to forget that stupid kiss.

That doesn't seem like a hard task now that you know he has a girl in his mind.

You take another look at them, talking to each other with eyes that also speak so much. Your eyes drift to Felix who's standing next to Hyunjin, also looking like he doesn't seem to fancy her as much.

You finish your beer and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, "I'm going to the trailer. I need to wash up," you tell Lou.

"Want me to come with you?" Lou offers.

"Nah, I'll be back soon," you tell him.

Using the flashlight on your phone only helps so much with the muddy grassy path back to the trailer. It feels so close when you took the ride with the golf car, now you wish you took Lou's offer.

Taking a moment in the trailer, you struggle to take off your rainboots and wet clothes. You grab a sweater from the merch box and put it on, you're no longer shivering with dry clothes on.

Now that you're comfortable, you don't want to go back to the tent. You'd rather stay in the trailer and starts working on your photos, you're not trying to avoid a person or something. It's just been a tiring day already and...

"Hey, why aren't you partying?"

You search for the source of the voice and find Jeongin shouting from inside the car. He sees you standing in the doorway of the trailer with your camera bag, looking ready to go. You hope he doesn't see the conflicted feelings in your eyes.

"Do you need a lift?"

Without you realizing it, you nod at his offer and his dimpled smile.

-

Hyunjin's wish to see you is not yet granted.

Well, yes, he saw you taking his pictures but he couldn't see your face or heard your voice. He only got glimpses when he wanted to see the whole picture and stares at it as long as he could.

"She said she'll be back soon," Lou sounded worried as he ranted to Vin about you not coming back to the tent yet.

"I saw her leaving with the Cle boys," Vin calmly answers as if he just didn't let you go with a group of guys you don't know.

"What?" Felix is the first to show his concern at how wrong that sounded, "what do you mean she left with another band?"

And Felix rarely gets mad, not even at the slightest inconvenience.

"They're all good kids," Vin assures them, "also, they knew each other when I introduced them," he adds.

"Knew each other?" Felix once again represents Hyunjin by asking the question.

Vin turns at him and put his phone away, "look, I know their mothers. I'm sure they just hanging out or something," he says.

"Let's just go," Han breaks the intense conversation with exhaustion drawn on his face.

Hyunjin feels uneasy. He can't rest well even when you're in sight but now, no one knows where you are and you're with people that he doesn't know and it stressed him out that he has to hide his concern.

Hyunjin can only ball his hands into fists on his lap, worrying you and worrying about things that could happen.

It surprises him that Hyunjin isn't the only one worrying about you, well, besides Felix. Han is calling your name the moment he enters the bed and breakfast where they're staying.

"She's not here!" Han says as he checks your room and it's empty.

Vin heavily sighs, "she's going to be okay," he insists when he's unsure of his answer as well.

Lou calls you on the phone but you're not answering. He calls you again and still no answers. Everyone starts to panic and Hyunjin can only watch, getting nervous as time passes with no clues of your whereabouts.

"You guys can rest. Lou and I will search for her," Vin resolves as he puts his jacket back on.

Hyunjin stays where he is and the others too, no one is obeying Vin. He draws a sharp breath through his nostrils and is about to scold them again for the third time today when they collectively heard footsteps coming from the stairs.

"You guys are back?" You innocently ask with your hair wrapped in a towel and a toothbrush in hand.

Lou starts to laugh while Felix comes to pick you up at the base of the stairs, "where have you been?" His voice is strained from holding his anger in.

"I had to use the bathroom upstairs. The hot water not coming out from the one downstairs," you answer while going down the stairs. Felix pulls you into his hug as you remain confused about the situation.

Hyunjin's body relaxed as he quietly lets out a sigh of relief and finally have his wish granted.

Han picks up his bag from the floor and heads for the stairs, "I really thought you turn to become a groupie for another band," he jokingly says.

You get even more confused with what he said, "huh?"

Vin rubs his forehead and closes the door, "I told you. She's fine," he mutters as he takes his jacket off again.

You hold hands with Felix, taking him to the kitchen to talk, "what happened?"

Felix puts his hands on the dining table to support him, "Vin saw you left with the other..." he doesn't finish his sentence, "Nevermind. We're glad you're okay."

Your mouth parts open in surprise, certainly didn't expect them to worry this much for you.

"They gave me a lift here so I could start early on retouching the photos for the magazine," you concisely explain.

Hyunjin is listening to your conversation when Vin grabs him by the arm, taking him upstairs with him, "Let's get some rest. We have an early flight tomorrow!"

Hyunjin has seen you and he has heard your voice, but it's not enough. It'll never be enough.

He's afraid that as each day passes, he wants more than just seeing and hearing.

-

Back on the tour bus, it feels like going back home when in fact, the tour bus gives you a sense of comfort like home, while in fact, it's not.

Also, you're getting used to a lot of things and the staffs know you now that you got greeted everywhere you go. The people you're with feel more than just acquaintances and coworkers, they feel like one big unit. Maybe that's just the result of what happens when you put people in a moving, confined space together for a period of time.

Looking back at it, you were so skeptical about this job, your skill, and your ability to handle life on the road. Now, you feel proud of yourself for overcoming those struggles.

The bad and the good that happened are lessons that you must learn to be able to grow as a person.

There are only a few stops left on the tour and your heart is aching that this is going to end soon. It makes you hold on to it tighter than before. Especially knowing that soon, all of these will become memories.

This, the present, will soon become a part of that precious memories too.

You're on your way back from soundcheck when you meet Vin right outside the door, "I got something for you," he says.

You uneasily smile because that's an unlikely thing for him to say, "Y-yeah?"

He puts his arm around your shoulder and gets into the green room together. From the table, he takes a magazine and flips open to a page, once he found what he's looking for, he shows it to you.

It's so surreal that it feels like seeing a dream, you take the magazine from him and see it yourself. The photos you took at the festival are there, printed on paper. In the corner of the page, you see your name printed in small fonts.

"You did a good job!" Vin proudly says with a squeeze on your shoulder.

You can't help but smile, feeling proud of yourself and for once, receiving a compliment from Vin validated it.

"Drinks on me tonight!" He adds before leaving you to furtherly admire your work on your own.

Happy news should be shared, you're going around the room looking for the one person you can think of in a moment like this. You find him near the changing room with the stylist doing alterations to his jeans.

"Felix!"

"Hey, what's up?" He looks up to see you.

Without saying anything, you show him the magazine with a wide grin on your face.

He leans in close to see and coos in awe, "Whoa, I look so good in here," he points to the picture of him on the page.

Your grin fades and is replaced with an annoyed glare, "This is about me, not you," you tell him.

He bursts into laughter and holds his hand out at you, he can't move with the stylist still adjusting the length of his jeans while squatting down next to his feet.

You take his hand and let him place a kiss on your hand, "congrats, babe!"

Felix knows how to win you over with such a simple gesture, you know he's the right person to share this happiness with. Not forgetting that he's the one who landed you this job. That makes you grateful for him.

"Is this why Vin looks exceptionally happy today?" Lou asks as he flips open the magazine to see it.

You're drinking a can of cola while sitting next to him on the sofa.

"He said he'll be taking us out for drinks tonight," you say.

He whistles in excitement, "It's about time!"

Han snatches the magazine away from him and sees it for himself, "oh, your photos are really great!"

You can't help but smile, "thank you," you sheepishly reply.

Felix appears behind you and casually places a kiss on the top of your head, "that's my girl!" He confidently brags, then walks back to his chair to get his make-up done,

Han aggressively shuts the magazine and slaps it on the table, "excuse me, she's not only taking your photos," he complains.

Han moves to sit next to you and put his arm around your shoulder, there he continues speaking, "Which makes her, respectfully, our girl, not yours."

Lou also put his arm around your shoulder and agrees with Han's remark, "Our girl!"

You're laughing at the way Lou and Han are teasing you by trapping you between them, oblivious that there's someone who has no say in this.

-

Our girl?

Hyunjin likes to hear that, that means you are his too even if it's only a quarter of it. Maybe that's why he's only able to see you. But when it comes to talking to you, even just a simple exchange of good morning like you do with Vin. He's discouraged, afraid that you'd misunderstand him again.

Still... he wants more than just to see and talk.

He wants that pretty smile to greet him as he gets off the stage like you always give to Felix, a pat on the shoulder as you endearingly tell him, "You were so great as always!"

Is that too much to ask for?

There are only a few stops left on the tour and he feels like he's running out of time but what he needs to do is still unclear.

"Hyunjin?"

Someone calls for him and he turns around to find someone he wishes not to see, making her way to him.

"Why are you here?" He's not aware of how rude that sounded but that's the first thing that crossed his head at the sight of her.

The girl whom he likes once, who is a friend of a friend and she got in between their friendship. If there's one thing Hyunjin learned from this, to never like a girl who's a friend of a friend because, in the end, he could lose both the friendship and love.

She chuckles at Hyunjin's defensive response, "I was in town for a job so... I don't see why I shouldn't come," she answers.

It was two weeks ago that they met at the festival and she was there because her boyfriend, a friend and a former bandmate of Hyunjin, performing at the festival too.

But the main reason why he doesn't want to see her again is because Hyunjin chose to step away from it, he gave her up to save at least his friendship. That too, he couldn't save it.

There's no regret because Hyunjin knows it's for the best. So, he doesn't get why she's here.

From the way her smile wavers, Hyunjin senses that she knows she's not welcomed.

Felix comes behind him, "Come on! Vin is going to treat us to drinks tonight!" He excitedly says to Hyunjin.

It takes Felix a moment to realize that there's someone else there and a low gasp slipped out of him, "Oh...?"

"Well, I'm certainly not invited," She playfully remarks with a sad smile.

Hyunjin is not that petty but he wishes that he can be firm, telling her no would be the right choice.

"What are you guys doing? Let's go!" Vin shouts from the end of the hallway.

Then again, Hyunjin can't bring himself to say no, "You—"

Felix cuts through Hyunjin's words, "We'd love to invite you but it's for close people only so..."

She sheepishly smiles and nods, "it's alright," she says.

People are prone to Felix's charm and Hyunjin is thankful that Felix decided to step in and politely reject her on his behalf, it makes things easier for him.

"But we hope you enjoyed the concert," Felix quickly adds.

"I did. I had so much fun," she responds.

She fiddles with the strap of her bag, having something to say to Hyunjin but can't say it with Felix in there.

He senses it and excuses himself to leave first.

"Hyunjin," she calls.

He doesn't answer but looks at her, how her eyes are looking back at him but not giving the same effects as they used to.

Hyunjin doesn't need to hear another one of her efforts to make her way in, "listen," he says.

"I made my choice and you know what? I like where it took me," he explains.

That catches her off guard, maybe didn't expect Hyunjin to reject her right here, right now.

Hyunjin places his hand on her shoulder, "I'm afraid there's no second chance for us," he softly speaks to her.

Her eyes turn glossy the longer he looks at them but also in them, he can see everything clearly for the first time.

She sniffles and says, "But Hyunjin—"

"I like someone else," he blurts out and he's sure of what he said, sure that it's what he feels for you. He likes you, he wants you.

That sounds final to her that she has nothing to say back to him but leave for good. It's sad that Hyunjin has failed his first love but isn't that why it's called first love? Because there'll be a next one.

Hyunjin wants to do better on the next one and he knows what to do now.

-

Vin doesn't play around when he says he's treating everyone to drinks.

He takes everyone to the hotel bar which is located on the 8th floor of the hotel, providing its visitors with a stunning view of the city at night.

"We have finished more than fourteen concerts in nine cities and one festival this summer," Vin says, standing at the end of the table with a drink in his hand.

"I'd like to thank everyone for behaving..." he pauses for a second, changing his mind about what he wanted to say, "not so well but still manageable," he finally finishes.

He turns at you who sits between Felix and Lou on the left side of the table, "and our new addition to the bunch..."

You smile at him, curious about what he has to say about you.

"I realize that I never get to tell you how you've been very patient with me, us...." a wave of laughter halts him from continuing.

"Despite that, I am grateful that you're part of the team and I want to tell you that you've been working hard," he earnestly says.

It's the first time you heard him talking from the deep down of his heart that it elicits an emotional response from you. You feel validated and appreciated, you feel seen and heard, acknowledged.

"Come here!" He gestures for you to come to his side.

You get up from your seat with the help of Felix pulling the chair for you, then take a stand next to Vin.

"This is for you, for putting up with us," he raises his glass.

And everyone followed suit, raising their glasses in the air.

"And for four more shows to go!" He adds.

"To our girl!" Han shouts from across the table.

You laugh because he's not letting go of the debate.

But Vin repeated his words back to everyone at the table, "To our girl!"

With that being said, everyone is finally allowed to drink their picks of alcohol. You drink yours as well and wince at the burning feeling down your throat as you swallowed it all.

Vin pulls you into a side hug, "Have a lot of drinks tonight. You deserve it!"

You chuckle at his words, "thank you," you mutter to him.

That indeed sounds so tempting, you would love to keep drinking and have fun after a little while.

But the last time you got drunk, it didn't end that well. You want to avoid making the same mistake, so you decide to drink moderately and try not to think of Hyunjin, how he talked to that girl in the hallway with his hand on her shoulder, how you failed to do what Hyunjin asked you to do.

That fucking kiss, you curse inside your head and finish your first drink of the night.

Somehow on the third drink, the melancholic feeling that this soon will be over returns, hitting you with a wave of sadness that you have a hard time swallowing your drink.

"Have another one with me," Lou says, refilling your glass with more drink.

"It's the last one for me," you inform him.

He laughs as he slides the drink at you, "yeah, sure," he says with a sly smirk.

You might have lied about that being the last drink, you have two more drinks after and alternate it with soda in between.

It's a good strategy, you feel like a real adult for being sober enough to walk back to your hotel room while Lou has to send Han back to his room, drunk out of his mind.

The sight of the mess on the table distracts you, your initial plan is to end the day right here. No one asks you to do anything today, not even Vin.

"Ugh!" You groan, losing the battle to remain unbothered about not finishing your work of the day.

It's a habit that you created yourself and you suffer from it now.

I should have gotten drunk, you scold yourself.

There's a knock on the door, it must be Lou coming back from putting his best friend to sleep. You open the door without looking and walk back to the desk, "I'll be working all night. You can have the bed," you tell him.

You hear no answer but the sound of the door being closed behind you.

A while later, someone else replies to you, "You don't have to worry, he'll be sleeping in my room tonight."

Who did you let in just now? You know who it is but you refuse to believe that you're right. You take a deep breath before bracing yourself to the grand reveal, that it's him, Hyunjin.

"What are you doing here?" You have the right to be defensive, considering that it's your room, the only private space you have and he came here uninvited.

"I want to talk to you," he calmly replies.

You get up from your chair as he's coming closer and leans against the headrest of the chair.

"About what?"

"About us," he shortly replies.

Your heart starts beating so fast and you don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing it, you clear your throat before speaking again.

"I don't think we have something to talk about," you hope he didn't hear how your voice quivers at the end of the sentence.

"Oh, we do," he says while still walking towards you even though he's close enough that you have to start looking up to look at him due to the height difference.

You're not in the mood for his unfriendly words and glares, "We can talk some other time—"

"I want you to know that I have nothing between me and that girl," he says, sharing information that you don't even ask in the first place.

You hold your hands up to stop him from continuing and furtherly thinking that you want to know the truth.

"No, I don't care. I don't want to know," you tell him as best as you can without having to be rude because that's his thing, not yours.

He takes another step closer, eliminating the gap between your bodies and leaving mere inches for you to breathe. How can you think if you can see his beautiful face this close that you can see the tiny mole under his left eye? How can you force your brain to work it's busy playing the recollection of that night in the back of your head, haunting you with how soft his lips feel against yours.

"I want you to know. I want you..." he emphasizes the word you with an intense stare, "to care. I want you to be jealous," he insists his narrative on you and wanted it to be true.

That sounds just so absurd coming from him and it's making you burst into laughter. The most careful and reserved person you ever come across said that. You feel bad to let him know that you could be anything but jealous. In terms of look, yeah, you're jealous that she's much prettier than you but jealous because she's with him...

"I am not jealous," you tell him with a scoff, but that doesn't sound convincing, that sounded like you're offended instead.

"Why should I be jealous? I-I'm—" You lose track of what you're going to say to him. You wince at how you make yourself look like a fool in front of him.

"Our kiss... did you manage to forget it?" He cuts you off with a question that you don't have the answer to.

Slightly tipping his head, Hyunjin leans a little closer to the side of your head you can feel his breath fanning your cheek.

Needing something to hold on to, you grip the edge of the chair behind your back, tightly.

"Why do you care so much whether I forgot about it or not?" Your voice is shaky and small.

He slyly smiles and it looks good on him as if he knows it would scramble your brain, making it hard for you to stay focused. In other words, he knows he's winning.

"If you forgot about it then..." he puts his hand under your chin and angles your head, forcing you to look at him right in the eyes.

"I just have to remind you again," he softly speaks as it takes everything in him to try not to kiss you from the moment he laid your eyes on you.

Now that he leans in closer than before and you can feel his warm breath brushing your lips. As much as you don't want to be reminded, you close your eyes in anticipation of what's coming at you.

As your lips collide in a rapturous, spellbinding kiss that takes your breath away but at the same time, breathes life into you.

Hyunjin kisses you tenderly, savoring the taste that he craves so much. He kisses you slowly because that's how he should treat a beautiful thing.

And a beautiful thing is always fragile. 

-

Hyunjin is drunk from your scent.

That doesn't stop him from planting kisses on any skin he can land his lips on, soft on soft, like kissing a flower. No words are needed when his desire is taking control of his body and your body answers to his craving.

He uses his hand to feel you all over, fingertips trailing every inch of your skin that makes him whimper under his breath.

You're much softer than he imagined, silky soft, and warm, so sensitive to his touch, shivering every time he touches you in certain places.

He can feel your hesitant yet curious hands exploring his body, slowly and gently, like you're afraid it would discomfort him. Oh, if only you know how much he likes being touched by your pretty hands. He takes them and kisses each fingertip with his lips right in front of you.

"You're so soft," he softly sighs as he pushes your hand close to his cheek, then places a tender kiss on the inside of your hand.

You look at him with your eyes in a daze, probably thinking that it was all just a dream.

So he leans in and kisses you for the umpteenth time that night, carefully putting his body on top of you, skin on skin, his body on your body, becoming one under the cover.

As he pulls away from the kiss, he puts his elbow against the mattress to take a good look at you. His thumb wipes your lips, still amazed at how soft they feel.

It tempts him to place another kiss and they're softer against his lips, he feels like kissing the clouds.

"How come you're so soft?" He asks in pure wonder.

All Hyunjin knows is loud and rough, all he's been touching are metal strings and hard surfaces, and his ears are used to buzzing noises and explosive sounds.

Now that he lays his hand on you, he knows that you're something that he should treat gently, with so much tenderness and care, he doesn't want to break such a beautiful thing with his hands that only knows how to push things to the limit.

He gently rubs your cheek with his knuckle, heating under his touch. He leans in to kiss you again, having no power in him to stop himself, he believes kissing you has become an addiction.

He's only an inch away from your lips when you open your mouth to say, "But you hate me..." 

Hyunjin smiles because he has expected to hear this from you, sooner or later, he didn't know you would choose to say this when he's about to kiss you.

"I do hate you," he says.

Your eyes widened at his answer while Hyunjin softly chuckled from seeing your reaction.

"I hate you for thinking that's the only thing I feel for you," he explains.

He takes your hand and puts it around his neck, he wants your soft hand touching him, feeling him, all over. Leaning down closer, leaving only an inch between your faces.

"I feel other things too for you. I like you from the moment we met, I care for you, I worry about you, I think of you, sleep or awake. I like having you around me, I like seeing you everywhere I look and when I'm not looking, I unconsciously search for you. I am... pathetically in love with you," he pours every content of his heart, everything that you need to know.

Your gaze softens and it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, like watching the sun rises in your eyes, hopeful and warm.

"But you have no idea, do you?" He says with his eyes deeply staring into yours.

"How would I know when you always seemed to be mad at me?" You innocently ask him back.

That makes Hyunjin chuckles. He admits that his way of showing you affection is unconventional. What can he say? He's bad at it. But he likes how innocent you sound that he hastily kisses your lips, he then draws a sharp breath and lets out a pleasant sigh, "What do you even know?"

He can't wait to kiss you again so he does, indulging himself in the temptation and how sweet it tastes. The hand that is slipping into the back of his head puts him in utmost comfort.

Hyunjin hasn't seen your body with his eyes but he can picture in his hand from his exploration, the nook and crook, the dips and curves, he admires all of it.

Beautiful would be an understatement but that's what you are. Your eyes, your smile, your lips, the birthmark on your body, the scars that marked your skin, your little fingers, everything.

His hand goes to where he wants to touch you, to show you what he can do, to make you feel good, to...

"Hyunjin..."

You call him again in a heating moment where he unconsciously holds his breath for only God knows how long.

His first thought is that you don't want to do it. It's entirely his fault for reading the signs wrong. He hurriedly draws his hand out from under the cover.

"We don't have to do it if you don't want to," he assures you with a sweet kiss on your lips.

With your hand around his neck, you keep him close and then you whisper into his ear, "Condoms are in the bathroom."

You hide half of your face under the cover, flustered from telling him about it. He finds it adorable that he wants to take a bite of you.

"I'll go get it," he says, doesn't waste time walking to the bathroom to get it. He spots your toiletry bag near the sink, rummaging inside to take two foil packs.

When he returns, you're waiting on the bed while clutching the bed cover to your chest. Hyunjin sits at the edge of the bed to open one and securely rolled the rubber down his length.

It slightly surprises him that you greet him with a kiss as he gets under the cover, he takes it that you begin to relax around him.

That means he's on the right way so he kisses you back, hungrily and intensely with his hand squeezing the flesh on your waist. He gives you a moment to make yourself comfortable around him before letting his hand wander down south.

You part your legs open for him and let him touch you there, touching the delicate flesh that's already wet even though he hasn't started yet.

He's aware of how rough his hand is, he attentively watches your face to make sure you're uncomfortable with the way he touches you.

That doesn't enough for him, he needs to know for sure. "Good?" He asks against your lips.

You pull away just enough to give him a nod of confirmation.

More kisses, more touches later, his hand is drenched in your essence and his cock is throbbing, impatient to be inside you.

Hyunjin decides to hover above you without taking his lips off of you. He takes his hand away from your cunt and rubs your lips with his fingers coated with your juice, doesn't hesitate to kiss you next.

Oh, he can taste all of you in that kiss and it's so fucking sweet. He gasps when he lets go of the kiss.

It's driving him wild, making him so eager to be inside you. He slips his hand under the cover and slowly, exposes your body as he puts the cover away.

"Beautiful..." he murmurs as his eyes are feasting on your heavenly body.

Maybe this is why you kept it hidden all these times, you knew that it would make him salivate like a hungry animal. Hyunjin sits on the space between your legs and keeps them open wide for him, he pumps his hard cock with his hand before rubbing it on your slit, lubing it with your bodily fluid.

Moans spilling out of your parted mouth, low and sultry, instantly become his new favorite tune.

Be gentle, he reminds himself, fighting the urge to be inside you as soon as possible.

A broken moan escaped your mouth as Hyunjin teases your entrance with only the tip.

"Let's take it slow, mmh?" and he should have said that to himself.

Holding your legs in place, Hyunjin continues by slowly entering you. He pushes into you with eyes intently watch as his length disappears into you little by little.

Gosh, you take him so well, so good, so tightly. He groans at the overwhelming feeling, engulfed in the immense pleasure of finally being inside you, becoming one with you.

He lowers his mouth on your neck and kisses you there, humming as the pleasure of being inside you hasn't dissipated yet.

"Mmh. Yeah, so good, you feel so good," he murmurs close to your ear.

After a moment of composing himself, Hyunjin kneels on the bed and hooks your legs around his waist. He begins thrusting into you and each thrust sends him deeper into you that he's having a hard time controlling himself.

He doesn't want to rush it, he wants to make it last as long as he could, he wants to make it special for you, he wants to—then you clench around him when he thought he had it controlled.

"Good?" He asks as he looks down at you.

There's no reply and he knows it's because you're too shy to say it. From the way your body moves along to his cock slipping in and out of you, he believes it is.

Hyunjin takes a moment to take it all in: how beautiful you are laying under him, your breasts jiggling along to his intense thrust into you, your hands tightly gripping the sides of your pillow and your toes curling against the white sheet.

It's all beautiful, devastatingly beautiful.

Hyunjin slowed his pace and lowers his body on you, he kisses you while keep motioning his hips into you.

"Let's cum together, mmh?"

You're panting against his lips yet you are still able to respond with a nod.

Hooking your legs around him once again, he starts to pick up the pace. His hands found yours and laced them together with his, pinning them on each side of your head.

"Close, mmh?" He can tell from your moans turning into breathless whines.

Hyunjin thrusts faster than before, fast as he could, taking both of you to your highs.

"Look at me," he orders, making you turn your head to look and locked eyes with him. He wants to see your eyes, how they shine with his cock deep inside you. He's curious about what he'll see in them as you come undone.

However, your eyes are fluttering shut when he feels you cumming around him and you're sucking him deeper, tighter that Hyunjin has no way to fight the urge anymore.

One, two thrusts later, he gets to his release, filling the condom with his seed. He collapses on top of you, his chest against your chest, two hearts lying so close together.

"I hate you," he says to you.

"I hate you for making me so crazy over you."

Hyunjin might have emptied his heart by telling you the truth, but his heart remains full of his love for you.

-

You think you're dreaming it.

Without opening your eyes, you touch the hand wrapped around you and it's real. You look over your shoulder to see him, his faded red hair looking like cotton candy against the white pillow.

Time for a reality check. You rub your eyes and take another look. Hyunjin is fast asleep next to you, his hand is around you, holding you close.

Naked.

You suddenly get so aware of yourself, of your body and appearance. He has seen everything by now but still, your insecurities are not going anywhere.

The knocking on the door comes again.

Then you realized that you woke up thinking you dreamed of hearing the knockings. It's probably Lou, he needs to take his things.

"It's me, Felix!" 

That's when you are filled with dreads. You scramble to pick up your clothes from the floor but that would take too much time and he'll keep knocking.

You grab a bathrobe from the bathroom and put it on quickly while heading to open the door.

"Yes?" You open just enough to pop your head out of the door.

He grins at the sight of you, "Did I wake you?"

You shake your head and put on a not-so-convincing smile, "No, I was in the bathroom," you lied.

"Oh?" He notices that you're in a bathrobe.

"What's up?" You ask.

"Let's get breakfast together," he says.

Felix did take you on breakfast a few times before but you didn't expect him to do it again today of all days.

"I-I have a stomach issue," you makeup excuses on the spot but can't find anything that is less embarrassing than this.

"You're sick, babe?" He asks with concern.

You shake your head again, "no, just, bad digestion," you stammer.

"Then let's order breakfast from your room," he says and takes a step to go through your hotel door.

"No!" You refuse a little too fast that it startles him.

"I mean, let's have it in your room," you resolve.

Felix is naturally a very caring person and knowing you're sick only gives him a reason to take care of you.

"My room is messy. Lou is unpacking his things... it's messy, you don't want to see it," you stumble on a word but it's convincing enough, or that's what you think.

"Okay then," Felix nonchalantly shrugs, "let's go to my room!"

He takes your hand and is about to drag you away, you keep the door open with your foot.

"I'm naked!" You blurt out.

He quickly lets go of your hand.

"I was about to take a hot bath when you came," you lie again.

He scans you for a moment, head to toe, probably noticing something is off about you, "are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I just need to get back in, put some clothes on and I'll go to your room," you start to rambling.

He takes another look at you then nods, "I go back to my room and order breakfast for us."

"Sounds great!" You exclaim with a fake smile.

"See you then!" He says, heading back to the elevator.

You walk back into your room and shut the door, leaning and banging your head against it, feeling bad for lying to Felix.

Hyunjin is still sleeping and you can't bring yourself to wake him up, not when your best friend is waiting in his room to have breakfast with you.

On the way to Felix's hotel room, you stop by Hyunjin's room knowing that Lou is inside. You softly knock, afraid that if you knocked too loud, Felix would hear it too since his room is right next to Hyunjin.

"Lou, it's me!" You whisper close to the door.

Thankfully, Lou is awake, or half awake more like. His eyes are half open and tired.

You push him back as you step inside and close the door, "Hyunjin is in our room!"

He rubs his eyes, "yeah, I know," he sleepily replies.

"We uh... we—"

"Oh, God! Spare me the explicit details!" He groans while covering his ear, then plops down onto the chair.

It gets you panicked that he knows even before you tell him what happened. Is it that obvious?

You hurriedly cover his mouth with your hand to shut him, "Can you get him... you know, I don't want anyone to know," you don't know how to make it sounds like you're asking him to do the hard task of telling Hyunjin to go back to his room and to pretend that last night didn't happen, at least not in front of everyone.

"Okay," he casually answers.

You put your hands on his shoulders and look into his sleepy eyes, "and please don't tell anyone."

He puts your hand down and sighs, "I don't even tell anyone how you like to steal the hotel's slippers," he mumbles.

To be honest, it's better if anyone knows you had sex with Hyunjin rather than them finding out about that bad habit of yours that Lou secretly learned from sharing a room with you.

"Thank you, Lou!" You sincerely tell him.

He reclines on the chair, "Don't worry. I got you," he assures you with a sleepy smile on his sleepy face.

"Now I have to go to have breakfast with Felix," you hand him your hotel keycard.

"Off seeing your first husband, huh?"

You ignore his joke and exit the room. Taking a deep breath, you stop right in front of Felix's room and then knock on his door.

-

Hyunjin is hoping to find you laying next to him.

Instead of that, someone is throwing a pile of clothes onto his back.

"I'm sorry, dude but you have to skedaddle," Lou says.

He slowly turns on the bed and squints as the sunlight hits his eyes, blinding him.

"What time is it?" He asks while trying to get up.

"It's ten-something," Lou answers. He's walking around the room taking things, and putting on clothes while talking.

His eyes are still heavy with sleep but seeing the space on the bed where you lay asleep so close to him brings him back to last night.

He can still smell you on him, on his lips, and fuck, that sends him thinking of how good you felt around him.

Notices that Hyunjin still hasn't moved from the bed yet, Lou turns around from looking at the mirror on the wall to remind him, "You have a fan sign at noon. You'd better hurry!"

He groans in response to Lou and drags himself out of the bed, in the bathroom he washes his face quickly, then puts on his clothes.

Hyunjin gets into the elevator with Lou as he's planning to go to Han's room which is located across from his. As it arrives at his floor, the doors slide open and he gets surprised to see you with Felix.

"Oh, hey!" Felix greets.

Hyunjin's eyes are on you and he so badly wants to ask why you left in the morning. Why you chose to be with Felix than spend the morning with him?

You look just as surprised, your eyes are open wide, not expecting to meet him there.

"Where are you guys going?" Lou is the one who breaks the silence.

"We just had breakfast and are about to go to get coffee," Felix answers, "what about you guys?"

Lou had to grab Hyunjin by the sleeve of his shirt and drag him out of the elevator.

"We just got back from breakfast downstairs and we're going to wake the sleepyhead," Lou once again being the only one talking to Felix while Hyunjin and you are exchanging cryptic glances at each other.

"You get in first, babe," Felix holds the elevator doors open to let you in first, then he gets in after you.

"Anyone wants coffee?" Felix offers, now holding the doors open with the button on the panel.

"Yes," Lou shortly replies.

"Okay," Felix lets go of the button and the elevator closes.

Lou lets out a long, heavy sigh, "you need to calm down," he tells Hyunjin.

Calm down? He asks inside his head. How can he calm down when he knows his girl is going out with another guy?

"That's Felix. They're friends," Lou reminds him.

That certainly snaps him out of it. Hyunjin indeed, needs to calm down. You are with your friend who's also his friend.

But does it mean he has to keep this relationship a secret?

As if Lou heard his thoughts, he stops him from walking with a hand on his chest.

"Look, I know you like her but telling everyone about it will only complicate things for her."

He turns on his feet to face Hyunjin, "she's working and the job is already hard for her. Letting everyone know about it will make it harder for her," he adds.

Lou licks his lips before speaking, "Give her time, give her space."

Lou is right and maybe that was why the first time he fell in love he fell out of it fast, because he was impatient, thinking that it was okay to hurry love.

He wants to do better this time, he wants forever with you.

"At least, you know, wait until the tour is over then you can do whatever the fuck it is you want," Lou concludes.

He leaves Hyunjin once he has said what he needed to say and goes to knock on Han's room.

"Wake up you sleepy sloth!" He shouts at his door.

At the fan sign, he keeps thinking over, what Lou said to him earlier. He decides that it's best to keep this a secret at least until the end of the tour. Until then, he'll keep this between him and you.

Now that he thinks of you, his mind is taking him back to last night...

"Felix, your birthday is coming soon!" A fan says to him.

That takes him out of his reverie, Hyunjin overheard the conversation since Felix is sitting next to him, and hearing that makes him feel like a terrible friend. He completely forgot that Felix's birthday is only weeks away.

"What is your wish for this year's birthday?" The fan asks him again.

"Love," he answers.

Felix chuckles again and he quickly glances at Hyunjin, so fast that he almost missed it, probably afraid that he finds his answer corny.

"And happiness," he then adds as he signed a poster for the fan.

"Why? Our love is not enough for you?" The fan asks with a pout.

Felix gently shakes his head, "I'm afraid it's not enough," he jokingly says with a wide grin.

When it comes to giving Felix a gift, Hyunjin wants to give him a special one, It's best if it's what he needs. It's what he deserves for being such a good friend, a great bandmate, and an all-around lovely person to keep.

Once the fan sign is done, Hyunjin walks to the car back with him.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

"You don't have to," Felix kindly refuses.

Hyunjin puts his arm around his shoulder and asks him again, "What is it? Tell me," he gently shakes his shoulder.

Felix grins as he thinks of something, "A house?"

Hyunjin burst into laughter, knowing that it isn't something that he can't afford, not now, probably not ever.

"You should ask that from Han!"

Felix also laughs and stops at the door of the car, "anything."

Hyunjin sighs because that's too broad, too general. Anything is anything but he's not sure if Felix would like it if he gifted him a piece of chewing gum.

"You give me a useless clue, Felix," Hyunjin mumbles with an annoyed eye-roll.

"I'll appreciate any gifts because that means you think of me when you choose it," Felix explains.

As expected, Felix is simple and warm, he's so pleasant to be with which makes it hard for him to find the perfect birthday gift.

Again, makes him feel like a terrible friend for not knowing what to get for him.

-

It's easier to be said than done.

Seeing you and not being able to touch you is hard. Not when he has known how you tasted and felt like, not when he's addicted to your touches and kisses.

It's been hours since the last time he saw you and he already misses you, so much that it's manifesting into physical pain.

Seeing you with Felix is... he doesn't know how to put it. Jealous? Hyunjin wants your affection and attention for him, him only.

Now he hates you for making him jealous of his friend.

But on top of all that, he wants the assurance that that night happened between you and him. It's real for him and he wants to know if it's real for you too.

It's hard to be alone with you when there are always people around him and when he's alone, you're not there. He thinks of another strategy to find alone time with you.

During soundcheck, he sees you going around the pit with your camera and taking pictures in between. He isn't sure if you looked at him but he did.

How come he misses you more after he saw you?

Letting his other bandmates leave first, Hyunjin stalled by taking small steps behind them. He knows you'll be passing this way too, you always go back to the green room a few minutes after the soundcheck finishes.

So he waits and waits, his heart starts to pitter-patter at the sight of you coming his way.

It's the perfect time to take you someplace that he knows no one will be there.

"Come with me," he says as he grabs your hand and takes you to the hidden chamber under the stage where the logistic boxes are stored.

It's dark with the only source of light coming from the tiny crack between two black curtains.

It's just the two of you now and suddenly, he loses what he's planning to ask you, to say to you.

"What?" Your voice is so low it's almost like a whisper.

"I—" he blanked out, losing his mind as he looks into your eyes, shining even under minimum light.

There's only this small space that separated him from you and he just wanted to get as close as possible to you, his feet take a step closer toward you.

"Yes?" You ask again with those eyes that keep luring him to look, deeper and deeper.

The next thing he knows, he's drowning in them. His hands hold each side of your face and slowly, he kisses you.

In no time, you melt into his arms, resting your hands on his chest as he pulls you impossibly closer to him.

You open your mouth for him, letting him invade you, getting as much taste of you. You kiss him back, softly, opposite to his hungry kisses.

With your hand on his chest, you gently push him away to stop him from kissing you.

"I need to breathe," you tell him while catching your breath.

Hyunjin is not sorry for being so needy yet he bashfully smiles at you, he buries his head in your neck to compensate for not being able to kiss your lips.

You let him have it too. You glide your hands up, putting them around his neck.

The warm breath you exhale tickles his ear but he likes it, he likes it because he can hear your faint giggles as he places fluttering kisses on your neck.

He drops his hands to your waist, wrapping them tightly around you, and pulls you even closer until your body is molded into his.

"I hate you," he playfully whispers to you.

You turn your head to look at him, "what is it now?"

"I hate you for making me miss you," he replies.

You giggle again and it's the cutest thing he ever heard. Oh! The things he wanted to do to you if he wasn't in a dark, confined space with you.

Before you can turn your head away, he captures your lips in a kiss, long and lingering, taking your breath away for the second time.

Hyunjin knows when to stop this time, he lets go of the kiss but not pulling away. He turns to playfully bite on your lower lip, tugging it between his teeth while you can only smile as he does as he pleases.

He stops biting to only start sucking on your lips, then kisses you again at the end while his hands wander by themselves, touching your clothed body and squeezing the flesh with so much passion.

It's getting dangerous now that his kisses become hungrier, harder, and deeper and his hands are slipping under your t-shirt, feeling the heat of your body under his touch.

The right decision is to stop whatever it is he's doing but when he's with you, he can't think straight. Judging from his past experiences, he always ended up taking bad decisions.

"Hyunjin," you call his name while running out of breath.

Should he be thankful that you put on a halt to this?

You smile while taking his hands from you to hold them in yours, intertwining them together and dropping them to the sides.

"We have to go," you remind him.

He pulls you close again, "No, we can stay."

A chuckle escaped your mouth and he steals a kiss on the corner of your lips.

"I'll go first," you volunteer to be the one leaving the secret rendezvous.

Hyunjin holding your hand tighter, not willing to let you go. But he knows he has to, he reminded himself that it's the best option for now.

With a soft kiss on your knuckle, he lets you go.

At the end of the concert, Hyunjin is always the last to get off the stage. He prefers to stick a little longer, waving to his fans, and takes a long, good look at them for making another memorable night together with him.

And you'll be there, at the side of the stage, cheering them for a successful show.

Everything feels different now that he knows you're no longer thinking he hates you, you wouldn't misunderstand him again.

The temptation to just let the world knows that you are his and he's yours is a little too hard to ignore. As he gets off the stage, Hyunjin has to put everything in him not to run and kiss you.

He has to be fine watching you greet someone else with that smile and not getting that pat on the back, telling him he did a good job.

Just three more stops, three more stops and he can have you, all of you.

-

LAST STOP ON THE TOUR.

Something is not right.

Hyunjin senses that something is slightly off with you. At a glance, he can tell that everything is fine just like last night, the two of you went on a secret date and he could tell that you liked it by how your smile didn't wear off for a second.

Something happened after last night. For all he knows, something could have happened this morning.

It's just that when he takes a closer look, he knows something is not right. Your smile wavers, your stay quiet, and your eyes dim, the glints you usually have in them are nowhere to be seen.

Hyunjin needs to make sure that it has nothing to do about him and you, about the relationship. Maybe you're simply having a bad day or feeling sentimental about the tour coming to an end.

It could be that but Hyunjin has to know for sure.

He sees you walking out of the green room, he has only a few minutes then it's his turn to get his make-up done. He runs out and sees you're walking in the hallway, heading somewhere with your camera.

He chases after you and takes your hand, he makes sure no one is around when he takes you inside the infirmary that he knows will always be empty.

You look a little taken aback when he turns to face you.

It becomes a habit now, seeing your face automatically sends his brain to do one thing: to kiss you.

The moment his lips make contact with yours, everything feels alright again and his weariness evaporates into thin air. You smile as he takes more of your lips with a playful kiss, brushing his lips over yours, again and again, hungrily, never enough.

He only lets go knowing that you running out of breath, he brushes the hair that curtain your face and put it to the side, holding them there.

"How are you?"

"I'm good," you answer.

That thin smile you put on your face is telling him the opposite. He holds your face like a piece of glass that could break if he holds it too hard but it would be easy for him to look into your head and see what's bothering you.

Hyunjin gently rubs your cheek with his thumb, in slow, circular motions. Softly speaking, he asks, "Are we good?"

You let out a chuckle, "of course, we're good," you confidently answer.

That sounds convincing but has not quite put him at ease yet. He pulls you close and hugs you, he buries his nose in your hair, drinking in the scent that gives him a sense of comfort.

"Are you sad that the tour is ending soon?" He carefully asks, afraid that it's not something you wanted to talk about yet.

For a moment, he doesn't get an answer. Then, you nod.

He splayed his hand on the arch of your back and kisses the top of your head, "but we'll be still together, you hear me?"

You nod again as your hands wrapped tightly around his dainty waist as if he'd fly away. But that's just what you do, keep him grounded, make him better, happier.

Hyunjin is happy to know that you feel the same about it. The tour ending means that he'll no longer be able to be with you 24/7 but he also can't wait to disclose this relationship, he's tired of hiding it, hiding you.

"Look at me!"

You tilt your head to look at him and he can see the sadness in your eyes. He doesn't want to see that, he wants to see those eyes shine like they always do.

"I love you," he lowly mutters.

For the first time, it feels so right to say it, maybe because you're the right person that he doesn't feel any pressure after saying it. If anything, he feels more confident with his feelings. He loves you.

You're not saying anything but standing on your tiptoe to kiss him, responding to his words with action. You're replying to his words with your warm lips and your sweet breath, then a smile that lingers on your face as you pull away.

"Are you not going to say it back to me?" He jokingly asks.

You quickly bury your face in his neck, shyly smiling in the crook of his shoulder.

In the front pocket of his jeans, Hyunjin's phone is vibrating between your bodies and it startles both of you.

"I swear it's my phone," he says with a sly grin.

He fishes it out and hit accept without looking, "I'll be there in a minute," he says, then hang up.

You take a step backward, know that he has to go and it's less than an hour left before showtime.

"I'll go first," he says.

"Okay."

He puts his hand on your neck and brings you close so he can kiss you, slow yet deep, you almost choke on air when he sucks on your tongue.

Teasing you more, he gently bites on your lower lip to finally let go. He's triumphantly smirking, knowing that he got you completely breathless from it.

The closer he gets to the end of the concert, the more he's enjoying himself. Hyunjin believes it's coming from the pressures slowly getting off his shoulders.

Truthfully, it's been hard for him to keep it a secret, to keep you for himself, to be alone with you and he's getting closer to being free.

For his solo performance, Hyunjin plays his rendition of Jimi Hendrix's Little Wing. It's not something that he usually plays because this particular track is slower in tempo, rhythm, and blues-inspired ballad. It's one of Jimi Hendrix's most concise and melodically focused pieces.

"Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairytales..."

That's what you are to him: pretty, dreamy things that fascinated him.

"When I'm sad, she comes to me with a thousand smiles she gives to me free..."

And that's what you do to him, you brighten his days and light up his nights, fill the hours with your laughs and smiles.

Hyunjin just can't wait for you to take him flying on your little wings, riding in the wind.

Once the concert ends, Hyunjin doesn't want to be the last to come to you. Other than that, he can't stop his feelings that are coming at you at full speed.

You should be warned that there's no stopping for him.

Hyunjin walks past Felix and comes to you, he doesn't want to give himself a second to think, he just wants to do it.

With his heart pounding inside his chest, his blood rushing, and adrenaline still overflowing out of him, Hyunjin comes at you and grabs you by the waist, then kisses you. It's not quite a turn-on with him drenched in sweat but fuck it, he's been waiting for weeks to do this, he gave up more than what he could give.

Hyunjin deserves this, he deserves...

Then you push him away, hard enough to send him staggering backward.

He looks at you and sees your eyes filled with something almost like repulsion. Your hand flies to cover your mouth and then, he sees it, your eyes shifting at Felix.

Felix stares back at you with his mouth slightly hang open, then he glances at Hyunjin.

What the fuck is happening? Why did he do wrong? What it has got to do with Felix? The two of you are just friends or...

Hyunjin turns to look at you but you're already running away from him. You run without turning your head back at him as if he's the past that you want to forget.

Instead of flying with your little wings, he watches you run and run and run.

-

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[nadianova]

how i do my visual novel filtered photo backgrouds

ive had some questions about this so i figured i'd put together a quick post on my process and what goes into it.

this isnt really a tutorial and instead is just a ramble of how i do stuff with a ton of examples and pictures lol

read more below. this is a long post and you probably want to be looking at these images on your computer instead of your phone

step one is that i find CC0 photos or otherwise easy licenses to use because I'm lazy and don't want to have a list of credits of random photographers caue i used one of their images but also i don't want to use stuff without crediting

because they have a general lincese that just wants you to mention the site i prefer unsplash or pixabay but there's other public domain type photo sites too obviously

so like okay heres a random picture

i have a photoshop CS5 from 10 years ago. but these can be done with gimp or krita and whatever. theres even photopea that has photoshop in the browser

basic stuff is that i start by cropping my bg into my renpy resolution (i use 1920x1080) this is also the part where sometimes i might rotate a bg. it is a good way to add some chaos vibes to a scene

i tend to add some mild blur effect since i find that having too sharp photos as backgrounds clashes with the artstyle of my sprites. like just a couple pixels worth of blur tends to do it

the next part is called fuck around and find out

i like to play with the values to just get random results. hue/saturation for tinting the picture, messing with the curves to get some really sharp effects, or channel mixer to add more of a color

this part is just purely vibes based but i personally think reducing the colors of the background is the simplest way to create something that feels coherent. especially if you make backgrounds based on moods. like having a blue tinted bedroom vs a red tinted one really changes the atmosphere

you can get some pretty intense effects but its always important to remember that its meant to be a background and there's a risk it distracts from the sprites

in this case im not including the effect for the curves. after the colours look fine the final step i tend to have is apply some sort of effect.

i really like changing the colour mode to indexed colour since i like crunchy pixels. (had to zoom in to 100% to show the actual effect) downside of indexed is that it doesn't look ideal unless its displayed in the exact resolution it was made in but i like it

here is the images before indexed mode:

after indexed mode(i think you have to click the image and open it in full to see the actual effect):

another thing ive been playing with recently has been grain+chromatic aberration combo. it makes things feel surprisingly lively with just this simple thing so you'll probably see me overusing this effect in the future

you have to mess with the numbers to get the effect you want but for me these were the parameters I've been using

ignore the preview missing idk why it does that.

heres the image (the non indexed version) after these krita effects

one random special mention i have is that playing with layer blend modes is great

in this example i just copied the same background, mirrored it horizontally and set the layer blend mode to color and it lowered the layer opacity slightly. it just adds some.... idk what to call it visual noise? itj just fucks it up a bit. i used overlapping images and screen modes in some of the hopeless junction images i did for some pretty nice effects

i dont really know waht the blend modes do i just scroll until something looks good lmao

theres a ton you can do with these. like for example just adding a single air brush dot of a bright color on a separate layer and setting it to some blend mode to add a tint to a background

i used these both in malmaid and in the second one i just brushed on some color on a separate layer to give it a moodier vibe

i think having variations of the same background is an extremely easy way to add some life to the bgs without having to do new stuff. like here was the hotel lobby when entering, and here is the hotel lobby when they ran away from the place. i added a radial blur with photoshop

i think theres some beaty in artifacts that come from low resolution images too. sometimes i intentionally use images that have clear compression artifacts cause i think it looks neat. i don't really worry about the details too much as the vibe is the most important thing

its honestly just a matter of knowing these tools exist and just fidgeting around with combinations to find what you want. it also helps to look at other backgrounds or images in general that you come across and just be curious. how was this done? how could i recreate it? that's the type of experimenting that has led me to these.

idk thats all i have to say. ty for reading and play malmaid on steam like and subscribe for more gay puppies

[alicenpai]

hi! ive been a big fan of your work for a while now, and i was just wondering if you have any tips or anything for selling merch online? :>

hi anon! so you want to be a con artist huh 👁👁 ...

^ a real con artist..

i’m not sure if you wanted online specific tips or general merch tips, but i compiled a bit of both! (also not sure if you're a beginner to art in general, there's a difference between a more experienced artist doing merch for the first time + beginner artists trying merch for the first time bc the risks involved are different)

i wrote more on the subject but i cut some out because it seemed too long.. and i tend to ramble ^__T it's hard to answer questions like these because they're so generalized, but if you had any more specific questions feel free to send another ask!

^ random image for visual interest

general tips for beginners(?)

merch can be fun, and it is! but in the end always remind yourself you're running a business, and it's real money you're going to be spending. it's good to take risks (on things like, new product types if you think your art is ready for it, or less popular series/more experimental designs, etc.) as you learn a lot from them, but always think over financial decisions carefully at the same time.

what helped me grow a lot as both a merch artist (and as a general artist) over 10 years is - a lot of reflection. and i mean a LOT of it. in terms of art in general i don't personally do a lot of studies (which is probably my downfall and i need to get back to it) but i think im pretty observant and introspective which helps me improve a lot. i often write my silly little blog posts on tumblr, I'll write notes on my phone if i have a train of thought i need to get down quickly.

i also often discuss merch things with friends and it really helps to get varying perspectives. (though i admit i should really share wips more, i used to but not as much anymore. blame the working life haha, not as many people have time to discuss non-work art anymore ;_;). all of these things keep me on my toes and weigh my strengths and weaknesses. if anyone is interested i could write more on the specific topics i reflect on after every con/shop opening.

stick to the tried and true 5-10 copies per design for beginners! this range sounds too little, but don't forget the big picture as well... you'll likely also have multiple different designs, across different product types.

e.g. 5 copies x 4 characters/designs, and let's say you do this for every product type (e.g. postcards, stickers, charms), 5 x 4 x 3 = 60 individual pieces of merch. that's a pretty solid number for a first timer!

i also personally print 5-10 copies of designs im doing for a test print run, or for characters that don't seem particularly popular.

15 is the average amount for me for a short run product (1 con season)

i certainly reprint often + go higher sometimes if i dont mind the product being in my catalogue for years.

15 is not too many in case the design is unpopular and doesn't sell, and it's also not too little that it won't be enough sales to break even.

promo images & taking photos (online specific)

i'm not a professional photographer and these photos might be absolute ass to some people. i will accept that, and honestly id agree with you. this is just my advice for straightforward, simple photos.

good quality and clear photos are best. it's great fun to use props in photos, and they can certainly turn your photos from plain to impressive. but it's easy to get carried away with props and fancy scrapbook paper imo, and i prefer to let the artwork speak for itself. honestly keeping it simple can be the best option sometimes. i used to take a lot more photos back in 2022 when i had less new products, but nowadays i find that i have too many products to take photos of, so i prefer to just keep my photos simple with a white piece of paper as my backdrop. i just. shrimply cannot be bothered taking out all of the props anymore...

above: the backdrop in this photo is bad, it's distracting and takes away from the artwork. (fe charms from 2016)

this are photos taken on a sunny day.

if you don't have a good phone camera (mine is ~5 years old), ive found that taking photos on a sunny day, either inside or outside, work great for me, as it shows off the natural colour of your product best. i either take it to the garden or i like to find a patch of sunlight filtering through the window. be wary of glare or too much light reflecting on your merch in photos though, because it can be distracting and take away from visibility on the product. but i can understand if a bit of glare ends up on one's finalized merch photos.

this is an example of utilizing light at a certain angle to show off the holographic film on this charm.

sunny photo vs cloudy photo.

taking photos inside on a cloudy day during daylight hours is also a popular option, especially if you live in an area where there isn't much direct sunlight/cloudy season, but for me personally i find cloudy day photos come out a bit dull and do take a bit of colour correcting. all of my cloudy day photos are tweaked and i find the colours to be a bit off from the original products, but that's just how it is with taking photos i guess.

because i don't have a great phone camera, my personal alternative is to make graphics! i just think of it as a collage to use fun textures and PNGs! im obviously not a professional, and these probably look very bad in a professional's eye. but i think it's fun. i like to incorporate the aesthetic or visual style of the series into the graphic if i do make em. ^_^

store platform

each one has their pros and cons. many store platforms have trial periods/free plans for people to try out.

bigcartel is what i use and i'm familiar with, and i would honestly recommend it. (i'm too lazy to move or try another platform right now...) for big store openings ill pay for a month or two of the basic $15 plan. ill use the free gold plan on bigcartel if im only planning to open my store for a limited time and don't want to commit to a full monthly plan.

storenvy: i've used storenvy from about 2014-16. i moved from storenvy for issues such as charging customers fees for purchasing from storenvy's marketplace page (and not from your actual personalized storefront) and urging me to use stripe even though it wasn't supported in canada at that time. im not sure if theyve fixed these issues but they were pervasive issues at the time that honestly forced me to quit. it also has a kind of outdated UI (e.g. can't zoom into pics on mobile?).

i think storenvy is a very easy to use platform for beginners because it's very basic! but i wouldn't recommend it if you have a great number of products, or if you're looking for more advanced features.

tictail isn't available anymore, i couldn't recommend it for that reason. i used it from around 2016-18.

i don't have any experience on shopify or etsy. shopify i heard is great because of all of the neat features you can implement, which you can use to really make your store yours. etsy has a huge marketplace which helps discoverability, but i have also heard there are many fees, so a lot of artists unfortunately make their prices a bit higher on etsy.

ecwid is also one that i've heard pop up. some also host shops on weebly or squarespace.

shipping

if you don't already have a kitchen scale, it's a good idea to get one if you think you'll be using it a lot to weigh packages! a postage scale is probably better. i just have a kitchen scale because it's cheap. as long as the measurements are precise (don't use a bathroom scale with a dial like me when i started out lmao).

thermal labels are also a good investment if you think youll need em!! i actually don't personally use them, because i have way too much hand-me-down stacks of paper in my home, so i don't see the need to make an extra investment. the downside to printing shipping labels on paper is taking the time to cut and stick them on packages.

i'm from canada (surprising the amount of people who think im from the US T__T) so these tips will be canadian specific, but you can hopefully get the gist.

when i was starting out, i used canada post (usps is the american equivalent) to send out store orders. however shipping labels from your govt post office can be pricey. which is why it's a good option to join their small business program if they have one, where you'll receive discounts on shipping labels. i don't use canada post shipping anymore, but i will use them for countries that my shipping agent doesn't ship to.

also take advantage of their free shipping tuesdays for domestic packages in october!! i believe you can receive 2 free labels per tuesday, up to 4 or 5 tuesdays for the entire month = 8-10 free labels in october.

next step is shipping agents!! if you live close to a chitchats or stallion express facility, they're great, and they usually provide tracking on shipping by default. in my opinion, tracking on orders is a MUST, so customers can have peace of mind! (minus like sticker-only shipping because that could be sent with postage stamps)

they also do home pickup if you have a bunch of packages in bulk/can't get to a facility. i believe americans have pirate ship.

you print and stick on your shipping labels at home, then you just travel to the shipping facility and throw your packages in the right bins (e.g. domestic, US, international). that's it! easy as pie!

i personally use chitchats because that is closer to me. i had heard stallion provides better rates for international shipping, which i'll have to look at at a later date.

most of my orders come from the US and canada. (funnily enough it is unfortunately cheaper to send packages from canada to USA, than it is for me to send packages within canada.) international orders are a bit of a pain, and you will need to know tariff codes for your product types (e.g. prints have a diff code than buttons) while writing the customs form. people in some countries will get taxed on all imported packages (e.g. packages marked as "sold goods" and not "gifts"). an alternative to this is to use etsy, so that customers can pre-pay for the tariffs before the order is processed. this is something i'll also look into for the future.

posting

wow now you're now done organizing your shop and promo images and you're ready to post! a good strategy is to post across multiple platforms to see what sticks. it takes effort and time but it can have a solid turnout! (i forget sometimes, don't be like me)

i don't know if this is true, but a lot of keywords words such as "shop", "store", "link" and etc. are apparently suppressed on social media (particularly twitter). don't take my word for it however.

shop posts don't generally do as well as regular art posts for most artists. but disregarding censored words for a second, it can also be attributed to psychological reasons, generally people don't like to be advertised to. (e.g. tumblr doesn't have an algorithm and shop posts usually dont do as well here either. tumblr users are just not receptive to clicking on links apparently).

personally, writing alternate terms like "sh0p" just isn't for me, but no shade though, bc i do understand workarounds are hard and everyone needs to make a living somehow. ill instead use words like, "leftovers are in" or "new items are up!" something more vague, but with the accompaniment of merch images, will still be clear to people that it's a shop update.

sharing your shop promo posts in artist alley discord servers also help a lot, especially if you don't know too many artists when starting out. they're a great resource and community full of passionate individuals who will boost your art. if you're not familiar with them, you can find some public ones on google or maybe even artist communities on reddit. a big one is Artist Alley Network International.

if there are some topics you think i've missed, feel free to send em over to my inbox!! ill also think more about this in the coming days and edit this post as i see fit 🫡

[honeyhotteoks]

do you have any advice on like getting better with writing?

hey! i definitely do!! i’ve talked about this before but i have a lot of new readers, so ill start off by saying i’ve been writing for my entire life, and im 30 so thats a lot of years. if you’re a new writer, trust me i used to be there and good god if you guys could see the stuff i published in old fandoms 💀 really, really bad haha

i only say that because i by no means consider myself a great writer, there are fic writers in this space alone that i’m always so floored by and look up to…. but people have been very kind about my writing style and it’s something that took time to develop it’s not something i just “had”. outside of fic, i was a literature and creative writing major, and got very used to writing and workshopping pieces.

now! onto some actual advice —

1. read a lot and read more, but read stuff you actually like and not stuff you feel pressured to read. i love high brow litfic as much as the next pretentious english major, but i started writing a ton after reading a bunch of kindle unlimited romance because it was fun and it got me inspired

2. watch well written television for dialogue and pacing. people do not talk in proper english, they don’t say things eloquently, and there’s a lot of filler and fluff. that’s good! that’s real, so i love well written tv to show me how it’s done

3. get comfortable writing in weird ways. for years i used to sit down and be like “ah okay so chapter one” and then i was stuck, stalled out, and just felt bad about the process. when i started writing both aurora and tnt, i started in the middle. i had an image of a scene in my mind (for tnt it was actually the claim attempt) and i just wrote it out and then bounced around later

4. outlines are your friend! sometimes i’ll get a random line of dialogue in my head or an image but that doesn’t mean i’m ready to write it. i throw it in one big outline so i don’t lose it.

5. if you’re wanting to write really good smut i have two suggestions but please only do this to your personal comfort level. this is what works for me but do not make yourself uncomfortable— for good smut, i watch porn for reference and for good dirty talk, i listen to nsfw audio. i like to really write the visuals for smut and make it immersive but lol i haven’t experienced everything ive written about and logistics of the body are hard!! i usually find a video or an audio and let that help guide the imagery im writing.

6. be comfortable with the editing process. i know the temptation to post something the minute you finish it is there, but sleep on it. come back and edit it, read the dialogue out loud if you have to. i swear you’ll make the piece better just by leaving it and coming back.

7. don’t be afraid to post. most people are kind, and the worst thing that will happen is you don’t get a lot of notes. that’s okay, it’s a process.

8. research! as i’m writing anything, even a silly little oneshot, im doing research on something. i am hyper aware that im not korean and have never spoken korean or lived in korea, so for my fic i try my hardest to ground elements of that in reality. i truly cannot tell you how many hours ive spent reading like korean case law on revenge porn just for like 3 lines of dialogue. and you don’t have to go that crazy, i’m arguably too intense, but i do think some of that helps the story and the dialogue feel real.

9. describe something real- every place in my writing is based on something real. every apartment, hotel, cafe, venue, etc., they’re all either something i’ve found online or drawn from my life and use that to my advantage. i use apartment listings and save photographs, i do google map walks to see what neighborhoods look like, anything to get the feel of a place or an experience. for the christmas chapters of aurora, i watched hours of gwangju walking tour videos on youtube while i was writing just to understand how to describe their walk in the snow. it really helps me to have a visual that i can put words to.

10. find your weak points and see what other writers do differently. if you want to improve, you should find a small place to start. is it dialogue? overall plot? smut? etc. - i’ll never forget being on a creative writing retreat, and a very important writing professor said to me “everything you write is very pretty but you haven’t said anything. you have to decide to say something.” that feedback hurt, but sent me down a much better writing path when i realized where i was falling short and not challenging myself.

okay i hope some of this was helpful and if it’s a mess im sorry im on mobile. i really just love writing so deeply and will always talk about it, so i hope this was helpful 💗

[alltoomaples]

love.jpg - LN

pairing: fem!uni student x lando norris

synopsis: lando gets invested in working with cameras after you talk about your day in photography class and you two discover a new language of love <;33

type: writing + instagram au

a/n: finally writing up the very first writing for my new series until i found you. and ik i have been super super lacked in writing. you guys have no idea how much and many ideas ive got but procastination takes the most of it! im trying my best to work upon it and now that my finals are nearing, i may try to write as a stress breaker soo fingers crossed.

until next one, happy reading <;33

part 2 is out now!! check it out :))

. . . .

You came home from your last class of the semester from uni. As much as you love photography and graphic design, its definitely tiresome when being pursued as a Masters degree. But you won't complain much about it cause at the end of the day, you love what you do. And so does your boyfriend.

"Congrats on completing another semester, bubba!" Lando greets as he speed walks to you and engulfs you in a hug.

You drop your bags carefully and hug him back tight as you mourn in exhaustion. Your whole body gives up that Lando was quick to pick you up and let the both of you fall on the couch. Chuckles leave from your mouth as he leans in and kissed your forehead.

"I'm so so proud of you, Y/N/N" He says, looking into your eye, pinning your hair behind the ear as he rests his hand on your cheek.

"I haven't completed my course, Lan"

"Yet. And soon you will be my personal photographer and designer for Quadrant" Lando says very proudly.

"Well in that case, be ready to say goodbye to your bank accounts" you say, smirking at him as you squish his cheeks.

"I'll be happy to make our joint accounts"

"It's a deal then!"

. . . .

"So tell me about your project?" Lando asks as we clean dishes after dinner.

"Well, basically, we have to make a portfolio for photography class. We need to select a theme and shoot pictures showcasing that theme" you say, as you dried the final plate.

"That sounds so much fun and creative!"

"It is actually! till you finalize the theme cause that's the main brainers" you say as you place the dishes back to the shelves and lando keeps the leftovers in fridge.

"And that's what i'm here for! Let me help you with the picture and theme and stuff" Lando says, being very supportive and super excited like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Bubba, i appreciate you and your help but you'll be busy with race weekends, PR promos and Quadrant stuff. Do you really wanna squish mine on top of this busy business??" you ask, being concerned about him.

He walks over to you, grabbing your face in his and leans in.

"Let me be a part of your project. Think of me as your project buddy who also happens to be your boyfriend" Lando says, making puppy eyes which makes harder to say no to him.

"Alrighty love. You're in!"

"Wooohoooo!!! Let's goooo babyyyy!!" He does his small victory dance as he sung to HSM: we're all in this together

You laughed silently as you walked into your work room and picked up a camera. Lando eventually followed you and found you holding the camera.

"Wait- we are already starting with the work??"

"We haven't even chosen a theme, you dum dums" you say, ruffling his head which messes the small curls a bit.

"Ohh yeah. I'd suggest you to do some trial run shots, like you know, play around capturing day to day events. Maybe something will spark and voila, you'll have a theme ready!" Lando says, as he fixed his hair while looking in the mirror.

"That's actually a great idea bubs!!! I'm gonna do that now. You really do love this subject of mine, don't you??" You ask, as you really loved his input he just gave and you're quite impressed with it.

His level of creativity is something you've always loved and appreciated his talents. And isn't it just lovely to see people talk about their passions!

And this just made you think it's time to finally give him one of your passions.

"This camera is yours from today. I've been wanting to give you this as I've seen you've been very much interested in photography and something you can take along with you and remind you of me" you say, whispering at the end as you felt your cheeks heat up due to the cliché that you just happen to say which isn't a very you thing to do.

Lando stood there with the camera in his hands, in complete awe at the gesture of yours.

"Y/N! you have no idea how much this means to me!! This isn't just any camera, this is one you truly used for your good works" He says, pulling you closer to his. He makes you look up to him, leaning in close as he kisses you softly yet lovingly. Your hands make their way behind his neck, pulling him close to you.

"I love you, so much y/n/n" Lando says, almost as a whisper as he rests his nose with yours.

"and i love you, much more lan" you whisper back with a smile as you do the eskimos kiss.

. . . .

Instagram

lando.jpg

liked by carlossainz55, charlesleclerc, y/n.clicks and 3,566,962 others

landonorris: your fellow neighborhood cameraman📸

the best gift from the best <;33 y/n.clicks

view 41,06,765 comments

username1: wait Y/N gave her VERY OWN CAMERA TO LANDO!?!?

y/n.clicks: not bad for a beginner! have fun bubby🫶🏼

lando.jpg: learnt from the best ;)) will do!❤️

username2: he learnt with her?! talk about couple goals💗💖💞

charlesleclerc_: well i guess we'll say goodbye to this camera eventually. have you thought this through y/n.clicks 🤔🤔

y/n.clicks: i had a really good run with it soo if it breaks its alright, I'll get a new one 😙

lando.jpg: you two know that i can read your comments right?? hah RUDE😡

username3: i cant- 🤣🤣🤣🤣

username4: we're gonna be seeing what lando wants people to see. I LOVE IT!!!

y/n.clicks

liked by charlesleclerc_, maxfewtrell, landonorris and 1,609,992 others

y/n_l/n: handing over ceremony📷

lando 🤝 lando.jpg

tagged: landonorris

view 105,020 comments

lanndonorris: key moment of my life and career❤️

y/n.clicks: landonorris bubbaaa🥺💗

username1: i want what they have😭😭💛

carlossainz55: wow, he is growing up🥹🥹

y/n.clicks: ikr!!!🤧🤧

landonorris: you two ughhhhh🙄🙄

username2: this is sooo adorable ahhh!!

username3: thanks to y/n now we're gonna embark the cameraman lando era!

y/n.clicks: this is just the beginning of the era!!

lando.jpg

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landonorris: day at the bay with my bae

tagged: y/n.clicks

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username1: oh my. oH mY! OhOh MymY!!😍🤩

y/n.clicks: caption might be chessy af but the pictures, mamma mia🥵😍

liked by lando.jpg

maxfewtrell: now i get it why you ditched for golfing, you simp!

y/n.clicks: wait what!?! lando did that??

lando.jpg: 😳😳😳😳 busted?

ciscanorris: lando ditching golf?? he's soo into his cameraman era!!!🫡💗

username3: everyone say thank you y/n for getting lando a camera

username4: seriously! THANK YOU QUEEN Y/N

lando.jpg: FACTS!! thank you y/n.clicks 🫂🫶🏼

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y/n.clicks

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y/n_l/n: my favourite kind of cheese🧀 landonorris

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username1: the caption🥹😭💖💞💗✨️

username2: them>>>>>>

riabish: LOVE IS IN THE AIR🫶🏼✨️

danielricciardo: you guys are so disgustingly adorable🫡💖

landonorris: now who's the chessier one??😏😏

y/n.clicks: landonorris still YOU🫣

landonorris: 😂😂😂

. . . .

also I'm thinking for a part 2 for this, lemme know if you're interested too :))

check out my works: until i found you masterlist | other works

part 2 is out now!! check it out :))

[nadvs]

okay i’m on my period and ive been listening to fourth of july by sufjan stevens on REPEATTT😭 it’s inspired a fic idea that i think u would absolutely nail !!!!

sad ofc but rafe’s ex (moved out of the obx) gets news that he’s passed away. it’s centred around her going home, going thru the motions of how jarring it is that someone as big and powerful and stoic as rafe is just….gone. not there anymore. the lyrics of the song are great inspo ofc, but yeah just a huge ball of heartache and emotional despair!

if u wanted to lighten things up a pt2 could be like rafe faked his death vibes, angst and reunion and love and ahhhh!

၊၊||၊၊||၊၊ fourth of july / sufjan stevens

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

content warning death, drug abuse

When you saw the post on social media, you thought it was a sick joke.

But then you read the comments, full of canned condolences and useless prayers, and your refusal to accept the news crumbled with every typed word until you couldn’t possibly deny it any longer.

Someone commented asking how. Someone else replied overdose.

Sorrow and loss and shock and nausea swirled through you. You paced around your bedroom, chest heaving, glancing at the door as if someone was coming to pull you out of the nightmare.

Eventually, you found the strength to text Sarah. You still had her number even though you broke things off with Rafe three months ago.

She gave you the details for the funeral that Saturday.

It’s a hot, sunny afternoon when you make it to Kildare Island. It’s wrong that the world is still spinning, boasting beautiful weather on a gruesome day.

You think bitterly about how people are surely enjoying the sun today, all while the man you still love is being buried.

When Sarah sees you at the church, she gives you a mournful, forced smile. You hug her, your eyes swollen and red and aching, your throat burning as you tell her I’m sorry and are you okay?

You’re not sure if Rafe told her about why you broke up.

— and i’m sorry i left, but it was for the best though it never felt right

He hated that you wanted to move to another state for a job opportunity. He didn’t understand why you didn’t want to stay, why he couldn’t just take care of you.

You told him this was for the best and he’d find a girl who’d make him happy. He told you that was bullshit.

You doubt Sarah knows. He never spoke much to his sister unless he was fighting with her, so she likely has no idea why you ended an otherwise happy relationship.

There’s a large photo of him sitting on an easel at the front. You’re surprised they found a picture of him smiling.

It’s grainy and clearly zoomed in, likely from a group photo. He always had a great smile. He hardly showed it.

The lights hit the photographed blue of his eyes dully. Nothing like how he looked when he was alive. Even beneath the anger and bitterness Rafe carried around, he had a brightness in his eyes reserved solely for you.

You watched it fade the day you left him.

— make the most of your life, while it is rife, while it is light

When you see the coffin resting above the plot in the cemetery, you think you might be sick.

You knew Rafe liked coke. You feel naive now that you didn’t realize it was a problem. He just did it at parties when you were dating. At least, you thought he did.

Maybe you could have prevented this.

You remember the way his arm was wrapped around your waist at one of the last beach house parties you attended together. It was when you were still considering the job offer, knowing deep down you were going to take it.

He smelled like cologne and sweat and Rafe, his cheek against yours as he spoke over the loud music.

“You can’t move,” he said, chuckling and high out of his mind. “Look how much fun we’re having, baby.”

“I’d have more fun if we left,” you told him. He scoffed. But then he led you out of the party, down to the beach, hugging you from behind, kissing your neck as you sat in the sand.

“How’s this?” Rafe murmured. He earned laughs from you, his lips on your neck. “Fun?”

“Yeah,” you replied sincerely.

But you still left.

You can hardly listen to the sermon, but one part reverberates through you like it’s being screamed into your ears. We don’t face this life or death without promises.

There was a time when you and Rafe lived in a promise together. But now you just live, and he doesn’t.

Sarah finds you as you’re opening your car door to leave. She tells you it would feel wrong not to show you. They went through his phone. There are messages he sent to you that remain undelivered.

You blocked him after the break-up. You thought it was the right thing to do, but deep down, it felt more wrong than anything.

Your hand trembles as you hold the phone up to your face. It’s jarring, touching something that big, strong, abrasive, loud Rafe owned and used every day, and now he’s buried yards away from you, nothing but coldness and weakness and stillness. He owns nothing now.

Sharp spikes dig into your heart when you see that he sent you a string of texts the night he died.

i can’t stop thinking about you

i love you and i can make you love me again

come back

or i’ll come to you

please try one more time with me

“Thanks,” you tell Sarah, handing back the phone, when in reality, no part of you feels grateful upon seeing words he tried to say to you but couldn’t. You would have been better off not knowing.

You leave a part of yourself in that cemetery. It died with him. Because Rafe always said you were the only one who loved him and he left this earth thinking you didn’t anymore.

[octuscle]

Could you make me a jock?

I'm lost in life , and IV never been able to fulfill my dreams

Iv always wanted to play football, but it never happened

Those jocks are hot, cocky, built and horny with leaking dicks

If I could just wear the kit , I'd be happy, but to play , I'd do anything, i would obey anyone for it to come reality

Bruh, you're 22 years old now… A bit young to be having a midlife crisis already, isn't it? It's not too late to turn things around. Your job at the supermarket checkout doesn't have to be the end of your life.

Friday morning. Almost the weekend. At last. Your transformation process starts with the alarm clock ringing at 06:00. Yes, you don't actually have to get up until 07:30, but this way you can go to the gym before work in the morning. For the first few minutes, you still think it's a terrible idea. After your protein shake, you don't think it's so bad anymore. Once you're lying on the weight bench, you can't wait for your muscles to start burning.

When you open the store at 08:00, nobody is there yet. Sure, you don't open for another hour. But you're proud to be a store manager at just 24 years old. And you take your job seriously. When the first customer comes through the door, everything has to be perfect. Shortly before 09:00, everyone is in position. You check your reflection in the mirror again. Hell yes! You look hot. You've been torturing your body every day for six years. You're still mourning the missed opportunity to start exercising in high school. Maybe then you would have become a competitive athlete, maybe even a professional. As it is, you're just a damn broad man in your mid-20s.

The place is packed. Many customers come in just because of you. You're a bit of a celebrity around here. Quarterback of the local team. Some even want selfies with you or an autograph. You go back to the gym for your lunch break. You're 29 years old. You have to make the most of every opportunity if you want to stay fit. And tonight you have to get back on the field. Your team is relying on you. Your memories fade as you pump… Supermarket? Damn it, you're not a loser! You played football as a freshman in high school. Okay, you never became one of the greats… But you have over ten years as a pro behind you. Maybe you're not the fastest on the field anymore. But you can take a hell of a lot more than all the young wimps.

The photos for the new calendar are taken before the game. Like every year, you're Mr. February. The Superbowl month. The Superbowl will remain a dream. Let's see how long you'll still be active as a professional. But you don't care either. You're having a lot of fun. And when the damn photographer is finally finished, you wank into your helmet. That's good luck!

Calendar page of February has been published @maxx-magnum

[evita-shelby]

A different sort of man

IV

Taglist:@zablife @thegreatdragonfruta @midnightswithdearkatytspb @look-at-the-soul @cillmequick

Gif by:@teenwolf-theoriginals

“Mr. Shelby, madam.” Her butler said as he bowed and left.

It was strange to see this man and know they are husband and wife in many universes.

Mrs. Eva Shelby, it rolled off her tongue quite nicely.

Here she is Lady Smallbrook, the odd but bewitching widow of Lord Smallbrook who suddenly died some six months after changing his will.

She wore black, not because she mourned the man ---she had neither loved nor hated him, he had been too dull for her to form any feelings save for boredom--- but because she simply loved the color.

Perhaps after Mr. Shelby has returned, she could remove the insipid cold fish from the equation and take what is hers.

Thomas keeps his eyes on hers and acts as if she weren’t every man’s fantasy wearing only a thin black lace and satin negligee that leaves little to the imagination.

“What, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before, Thomas.” Eva smirked with burgundy red lips.

“You would kill me even if it was you, Evie.” He said and she put on her robe with great disappointment.

She was the jealous type, he knew her well it seems.

“So, can you help me get back to my Eva?” he asked and the witch nodded.

“We can have you home by midnight, amorcito.”

“Why midnight?” he asks as he helped her ready the whatever the fuck this was.

The sitting room was quite something, reminded him at times to a witch’s vardo who mum had said was their great aunt.

“Its was midnight yesterday when I did it. We should know if it works in the morning, unfortunately.” The witch said with a bite of her lower lip.

Neither were keen on sharing a bed together, let alone faking a relationship when both were clearly married.

But if it meant they could fix this mess in record time, he’d fuck her even.

“Good to know you find me attractive in every lifetime, Tom.” She shook her head and kept looking at her spell book.

Fucking mind reader, how did the other Tommy do it?

“Grace, I wanted to tell you I won’t be coming home tonight. Won’t bore you with details, just something I need done.” He said as if she didn’t know where he was calling from. “I’m sorry, kiss Charlie for me.”

He had never been warm, always cool with the coolness of a blue blood.

But this was not coolness she welcomed because it made it easier to hide his background, this was plain indifference.

Same indifference she had for Clive, same indifference she showed every other person she had met in Small Heath because they were ,to put it simply, beneath her.

She needed to know where this Eva lived, to see it with her own eyes and let him know he has broken her heart.

Grace hears Clive laugh over her shoulder, did you think God wouldn’t punish you for your sins, Gracie dear?

He will toss you over once he bores of you, he had laughed cynically as she told him she loved Tommy.

You will regret making a fool out of me, Gracie, he had said just as her instincts got the better of her and he fell dead from the bullet in her gun.

She hadn’t meant to kill him, but either way, Clive was dead.

Suicide, her uncle had paid them to say.

Suicide, she had told Thomas even when he had gotten his hands on the real report.

Grace roots around his desk and finds the calling card with the whore’s address over the photographs of her carelessly tossed aside.

If you want me so badly, come meet me yourself.

-E.

“I doubt your wife will like it if I were to take her spot, Tommy.” Eva said as she lead him upstairs as both felt drunk and high like they did last night.

“I bet the other one will be happy to be return to her.” he said with a yawn and undressed for bed.

He leaves his underwear on, usually he sleeps naked, but the other Thomas Shelby has no prior acquaintance with the witch save for some biweekly eye fucking and looking at her undress in Ada’s room that one time.

“Only let you do that because I had seen you naked thrice before that. Maybe the other you will be more amenable to fucking me long and hard in my impossibly soft bed.” The widow said not bothering to stay on her side and making him pray his Eva doesn’t kill him because his body responds as it always has to her.

“Lucky, lucky Mrs. Shelby.” She said before falling asleep on his chest.

“My god, I have great taste.” Eva says as she wakes up with a man wearing far more clothes than she had hoped.

“I guess it didn’t work.” He said in response with a groan.

Shame, none of her previous lovers had been disappointed with her.

Oh well, this one she can fuck at least.

“This isn’t my house.” Eva says as she wakes up wearing tastefully skimpy lingerie and draped on her husband.

“Fuck.” He muttered.

Was he the real one?

“Tell me something only my Tommy would know.” She demands of the man beneath her.

“Bullets scare you, your favorite color is squid ink purple, you craved candle wax when you were pregnant.” He answered and knew that even if he was stuck in this hell, at least he had his Eva with him.

“Lady Smallbrook, there is a Mrs. Shelby demanding to see you and Mr. Shelby.” The maid, whoever the fuck she is, said.

“Laura, the maid is called Laura.” Tommy said as he waits for her to shake off the unwanted company and fuck on the impossibly soft bed.

[variousqueerthings]

okay so I watched two plays this past week, cabaret and a mirror. i also watched hadestown the week before, and it was fucking Stunning, but ive been thinking of how cabaret and a mirror have become pieces of comparison for me in terms of what they were attempting to do (I think I could also compare hadestown and cabaret in a similar way).

i did write quite a long first reaction to cabaret, basically summed up as, it was very good, very talented performers, and very politically safe -- the audience invited to it were always going to be overwhelmingly straight, well-off, and white, because that's how it was marketed and how it was priced, and so accordingly the show didn't seem to want to make that audience feel too challenged by being compared too harshly with the german woman who goes back on her engagement with a jewish man and decides to safely capitulate to the oncoming nazis, by being too called-out by songs like "money makes the world go around" and "if you could see her like i do," and even the idea that if you do not stand up politically when fascists are knocking at your door, then you are supporting fascists (and all this wrapped up in a glitzy, queer circus aesthetic to enjoy voyeuristically)

so it was very interesting going from that feeling to a play like a mirror, which was all abouuuuut censorship! @gjdraws big rundown forya!

spoilers:

we begin with all of us at a wedding -- an officially licenced perfectly legal wedding, is stressed, before the officials leave and we're suddenly directly informed that the play is about to start

as we watch it becomes apparent that the fourth wall isn't there, that we're a part of the performance, that we're watching a play within a play, and that the characters know that the audience is there

the play-within-a-play is a tale of a new playwright who comes up against the force of censorship in an unnamed country. JLM plays both the person clearly putting on the play, and the man who speaks in favour of censorship -- but specifically a benevolent censorship

no truncheons, no "re-education centers," just finding real talent (like this new playwright) and pointing them in the right direction, not writing reality, but inspirational, beautiful pieces

this becomes a problem when the playwright makes it apparent that he just writes what he hears -- he's got a photographic memory, and he's hiiiighly coded as autistic, not quite understanding the underlying messaging he's receiving, that he's expected to write propaganda

this all comes to a head when he reveals that he was there during a famous battle that was lauded as a great victory against terrible odds, but in actuality was indicative of terrible leadership that killed a lot of people -- because he was simply instructed to write about this battle, he writes it exactly as he remembers it...

worse, he keeps transcribing the exact conversation he has with the man who's trying to groom him to greatness, the "minister for the department of culture not the censorship department!!!" this man has secret copies of shakespeare (illegal) stashed under floorboards, will frequently mock other directors, and generally speaks in a way that shows him to be pompous, grandiose, hypocritical, and manipulative

from aspiring playwright to getting arrested and tortured by the police, we then get interrupted by the authorities. everyone in the room has been arrested (audience included) for dissemination of illegal materials. the end

a few interesting, thought-provoking, and/or funny things

the play-within-a-play actually gets interrupted a couple of times throughout, and the sham-wedding hastily re-established, adding a certain danger to the whole proceeding, but also a lot of comedy, as scenes are changed by the actors themselves

a particular Moment is when the man playing the playwright and the woman playing the secretary to "the minister for the department of culture" are about to have sex -- it's steamy and kind of a fun way of playing with the idea of explicit verbal consent- she asks him about how he writes, he says he just puts down what he sees as is, she tells him to narrate what she's doing, up until she kisses him, he narrates his reciprocation prior to kissing her back, then that she pulls down his trousers, before she takes over, narrating that he hikes up her skirt- and then the play is interrupted and they have to hastily readjust their clothes and pretend nothing is happening! followed by her going "uh there was meant to be a sex scene here, but we'll just skip it now," and the actor meant to be coming on next being caught unaware with a drink and a cigarette in his hand

it is a wonderful showcasing of JLM's presence onstage, he's just the mostest! of all time! he gets to play the whole range, villainous in the play-within-a-play, righteous revolutionary when it turns out he's the actual playwright as they all get arrested and dragged away, nervous manic energy whenever the play is getting interrupted, he's serious, he's hammy, he's jittery, he's menacing, he's oafish, he's sincere, he's devastated, genuinely doing it all!!!

the interaction with the audience is what really struck me, specifically in comparison with cabaret -- now obvs one doesn't have to do cabaret with direct audience interaction, and the thing is there was actually a fair bit of it in the pre-show and in the interval, and we have that opening willkommen bienvenue welcome promising the audience that everything is wonderful and perfect (which the subsequent play then negates). but my issue was (much longer in my actual cabaret post) how withdrawn from the audience that musical was. how politically disconnected, how little it felt - to me - like i was actually at a cabaret, or at a show interacting with the audience on a meta level

a mirror was incredibly meta, incredibly in-your-face, incredibly direct and pinpoint accurate in how it wanted to tell this -- the audience were dissidents, but we were also being warned: words have power, plays have power, censorship is a real danger, it already exists, be wary of complacency and when certain kinds of community voices are dehumanised as inherently dangerous ideas...

it was strange coming across this almost by accident, honestly, really because i was going to watch something that jlm was in, and boy was it Something! ive been noting how many narratives like this ive been coming across this year -- most recently hadestown, a mirror, babel, and monkey man all within two weeks. the fight is worth fighting, even though we may not win, or may not change everything at once, the fight is worth fighting, and it's global, it's spiritual, it's words, politics, religion (im sure i'll come across something based in science too). i don't know yet how to internalise these stories in reality, considering the reality we're living in. for now they're simply living alongside reality, whether it's the work i do, or the work and resistance happening around the world. it's not perfect, but the fight is worth fighting

[sunflowerrboyy]

putting this here so when i lose this feeling i can go back to it

i got to go home for the long weekend and me and my nana stumbled upon and went through old photographs and newspaper clippings of my great great grandfather (her papa). and seeing how a person's lifetime fit in a tiny box that took us less than an hour to go through kinda hit. he would've been forgotten if not for her telling stories and sharing those memories of him with me. and now he isn't. and i think that may be the turning point for me and wanting kids bc ive always been on the fence. but i want not only someone to remember me by but also someone to tell these stories too and pass on so the family members that came before me aren't forgotten as well.

its scary how quickly everyone can be forgotten it only takes a generation or two

[petrichoraline]

HONESTY HOUR!!!!!!!! (or hours, if you're me ;;;;;;)

since i have no personal 'caught in the rain' moments to talk about im gonna turn the question on you!!!! any particular memorable ones you feel like sharing??

also i've been trying to think about something juicy to ask but the only thing my mind could came up with is to talk about BL actors you have a crush on, if there are any!!!!

hours indeed, I'm two days late 😂💓 and I'm figuring things out as I go so it's a yapping session with gifs, enjoy 😙

i do have a few but one that always sticks out to me was one summer (or was it late spring?) my best friend and i were doing some shopping at the city centre and this rain started pouring, ive never felt anything like it. we had no umbrellas, we were carrying stuff and we walked (maybe kinda ran too lol) a great distance to the subway station; drenched rat doesn't begin to cover it, the rain curtain was thick, it was coming down fast and it seemed like it'd never stop.. I don't think I have any photos or videos from that day, i don't remember it all too well and her and I don't talk anymore but i think I remember it accurately enough. i loved it. it's happened a lot and I still don't carry an umbrella, some lessons are harder to learn

crushes..hahah see, so many years as a young woman and a girl, a romantic and a romcom truther and yet I don't really know the definition of a crush. when it comes to celebrities, I actively avoid feeling like that for them? nothing bad about celebrity crushes but you can blame it on my ocd symptoms [too much to explain]; i do fangirl about them and jokingly think up scenarios (I used to be a y/n fic reader lmao and im loud and proud about it!!) but it's just innocent stuff

I'd say the bl actors i have somewhat of a crush on (by how I understand it) are pond and joong; i find a lot of guys attractive but I don't know much about them like sea, boun or tay

ohhh anderson cheng who plays mark in love is science? is smth else for me

but it could be the character okay, i don't know anderson like that except for a few lives with lin yu😂

I had somewhat of a crush on yibo too but he done fucked up recently so.

OH JIWOONG

DUH

jiwoong is a mystery to me and im just happy when he's happy

also seoham and jaechan in different ways lol

kim sunghyun exuded so much charm as jinwoo I couldn't not fall for him a bit

^like maybe that should be me. js.

yu is stunning any time I see him

he had me crazy about zhou shu yi, soo handsome when he's angry and even more when in love (seeing a man cry whether in character or not bonds you to him idk what to say)

now for the jbls... it's gonna take a bit

meguro ren had me in a chokehold for a while

so did yagi yusei

sato yusuke had me all glued to the screen as well

obviously kimura tatsunari

(happy second anniversary ofc!)

inaba yuuuu

yamanaka jyutaro (I've now hit the ten image limit so that's the blond photographer dude from ameiro paradox); suzuki kousuke (jack o'frost and takara kun to amagi kun); nomura kota (perfect propose) but!

the ones I actually know more about are kouhei and acchan since I used to tune in for their insta lives and kouhei is just so 🥰🥰🥰 that's segasaki from taikan yoho

and currently losing it a bit with the mains of 25 ji akasaka de, niihara taisuke and komagine kiita

I think the reason I just go for "dudes I don't know outside of their role but are handsome af" for japanese bls and "I need to know him better" for thai bls is because of how much content there is of the actors interacting with their on screen partners. plus it's much less likely I see stuff about japanese actors on my dash whereas random interviews and show bits come up constantly with not only gmm dudes but guys from other companies as well. it feels like I get to know about thai actors without putting that much effort in but with those from other countries I'd have to go out of my way so it'd be harder to list someone close to the definition of a crush, you know.

I am very tired so this is a mess, most of this doesn't even need to be written down but I hope you get to read it as a relaxing nonsense list the way it's intended haha